This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E504 Matt McCusker

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00:00:30.000 I have some new tour dates to announce.

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00:01:16.060 And thank you so much for your support.

00:01:18.040 Today's guest is Matt McCusker.

00:01:20.040 Today's guest is a comedian.

00:01:22.060 He's a podcaster.

00:01:24.140 He's the co-host of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast.

00:01:28.800 He has a special that just premiered last year called The Speed of Light.

00:01:33.660 He's touring now everywhere.

00:01:36.340 I'm grateful to get to spend time with him.

00:01:38.780 Today's guest is Matt McCusker.

00:01:41.540 I'm going to stay.

00:02:02.740 Well, what have you been watching?

00:02:13.100 Have you been watching NBA Finals or War in Gaza?

00:02:20.060 More War in Gaza, honestly.

00:02:21.780 Yeah, I haven't caught a lot of the Finals.

00:02:23.440 Yeah.

00:02:23.820 I'm being bombarded with the footage of the war.

00:02:27.760 Opinions about it.

00:02:28.860 People have a different take.

00:02:30.420 Yeah, people have, I guess, a lot of different takes over there.

00:02:33.280 I don't even know what inning it is in.

00:02:35.880 I think it's in overtime.

00:02:37.260 I think they've been going for a while.

00:02:39.660 Yeah, it seems like it's kind of...

00:02:41.960 Yeah, you feel like a referee would step in.

00:02:47.220 Yeah, you think?

00:02:48.320 And mitigate it because it feels like it's like a 10-run rule genocide over there.

00:02:52.900 Yeah, that's like the popular opinion that they're being totally genocided.

00:02:58.340 They throw out the kids and you're like, damn, that's terrible.

00:03:00.920 But then you get people going, hey, why can't Israel defend itself?

00:03:04.300 And you go, all right, that's a fair point too.

00:03:06.640 Oh, yeah.

00:03:07.180 No, that's definitely a fair point.

00:03:08.560 But, yeah, I have no idea, man.

00:03:09.640 I think it's awful.

00:03:11.460 And it's like I hear a lot of people talk about it with certainty.

00:03:14.400 And I'm like, yeah, sure.

00:03:16.200 Anytime I watch a video about pro-Pal sign, I'm like, okay, I see that.

00:03:19.900 And then we had RFK on our podcast yesterday.

00:03:21.720 And he was like, actually, Israel rules.

00:03:23.980 And we're like, okay, those are good points too.

00:03:25.820 But it's very bad from what I understand.

00:03:28.320 The footage I see is really bad.

00:03:29.580 And, you know, I just hope they can figure it out.

00:03:31.820 But it looks like they're going to have to, a lot more people are going to have to die.

00:03:34.820 And then they're going to maybe figure it out.

00:03:36.740 Because the U.S. could shut it down, couldn't they?

00:03:39.060 It seems like we could.

00:03:40.220 Yeah.

00:03:40.500 It seems like we could jump in and shut it down, you know?

00:03:44.080 But we fund Israel.

00:03:46.060 I just don't like that Netanyahu.

00:03:47.420 I don't trust that Netanyahu guy.

00:03:49.600 Yeah, he's a shady character.

00:03:50.960 That guy seems like a, just a, um, just, yeah, like a control pervert or something.

00:03:56.080 Yeah, he seems like a, like for real, a bad guy.

00:03:58.260 Yes.

00:03:58.400 He seems like a real deal bad guy.

00:03:59.540 Even if you just look at him like, oh, that's the bad guy.

00:04:02.020 If you asked a four-year-old, right, like, who's the bad guy here, they would immediately

00:04:07.420 pick out that dude.

00:04:08.580 Also, whenever someone's been the president for like 27 years, that's usually the case

00:04:12.760 where it's like, oh, all right.

00:04:13.900 The U.S. should go to war with both of them.

00:04:15.720 We should start bombing Israel and Palestine until they both stop.

00:04:20.140 Um, maybe.

00:04:21.360 I don't know.

00:04:21.980 I'm spitballed.

00:04:22.860 I'm spitballed.

00:04:23.240 I think I've always thought we should give Mississippi to Palestine.

00:04:27.840 That's not bad.

00:04:28.640 One of them's going to get Mississippi.

00:04:30.080 Loser gets Mississippi.

00:04:31.980 Or, you know what I'm saying?

00:04:32.860 Give Palestine a place here, you know?

00:04:35.180 That'd be cool.

00:04:36.180 I'd be down with that.

00:04:36.980 Because then at least the people would have a place to be, you know, where they could

00:04:40.080 true, like not be in competition, I guess, with their neighbors and live at peace, you

00:04:46.460 know?

00:04:46.760 But yeah, I don't know.

00:04:47.500 I don't know.

00:04:48.580 I don't know a ton about it.

00:04:49.920 I just, I just feel like a certain way, you know?

00:04:52.640 Yeah.

00:04:53.060 Yeah.

00:04:53.380 I'll watch Norman Finkelstein and I'm like, holy shit, this guy.

00:04:56.500 And I'm like, he's Jewish.

00:04:57.440 So he's got the inside track.

00:04:58.980 And then I watch people talk about him.

00:05:00.340 Like he's, he's a piece of shit.

00:05:01.900 And it's like, dude, it's a, it's a bad thing.

00:05:03.880 The student protests are crazy too.

00:05:05.860 Then you have peace demonstrations that fight each other over the issue.

00:05:09.600 And it's like, it's kind of LARPing.

00:05:11.780 Like when the college kids start like moshing.

00:05:14.300 It's the new Renaissance fair kind of.

00:05:16.140 I mean, I hate, you know, I don't mean, and I don't mean like belittle like that, but then

00:05:20.160 it's like, and then the craziest part was at Ole Miss, they started yelling USA.

00:05:26.860 It's like.

00:05:27.480 Really?

00:05:28.220 Yeah.

00:05:28.660 Which side was yelling USA?

00:05:30.280 Oh, the frat boys.

00:05:31.080 The frat boys.

00:05:31.740 Yeah.

00:05:31.900 Came in and they were American.

00:05:32.840 They were just like, don't bring any of this shit around here.

00:05:35.040 They're kind of playing risk in real life.

00:05:36.800 They were American.

00:05:37.680 They came in like, yeah, dude, fuck.

00:05:38.920 Don't touch the flag.

00:05:40.240 America rules.

00:05:41.360 Yeah.

00:05:41.900 Yeah.

00:05:42.140 I think when people start taking down the flag, I guess that makes total sense too,

00:05:45.160 you know?

00:05:45.640 Yeah.

00:05:45.920 You know, you can, you can fight about anything really, you know?

00:05:48.760 Yeah.

00:05:48.960 That's one thing to go to like a news story and just be like, all right, I'm this team.

00:05:51.980 I'm going to fight these guys.

00:05:53.380 I think sometimes you, you think, oh, maybe we're past war, but maybe that's just a side

00:05:58.940 effect of living in America and not realizing that a lot of people still live in like a lot

00:06:03.280 of conflict, you know?

00:06:04.840 Yeah.

00:06:05.280 No, it does.

00:06:05.820 It seems more and more ridiculous.

00:06:06.940 It seems like like back in the day, it was normal, you know, at least back then, like

00:06:10.660 slavery was a worldwide institution that everyone was like, yeah, this is just how it is.

00:06:13.980 And I wonder if war is going to become that in like 50 years where it's like, dude, you

00:06:18.520 guys are going to war.

00:06:19.280 It's like, oh, that's shitty.

00:06:20.160 It's like, we didn't know.

00:06:21.420 Because it is, it's insane.

00:06:22.940 But it's like, if someone attacks you, you have to attack them back to stop them from

00:06:26.880 attacking you.

00:06:27.900 So it's one of those things.

00:06:28.580 It's hard.

00:06:29.260 Yeah.

00:06:29.480 It's hard to stop.

00:06:30.120 It'd be nice, but it does seem more and more ridiculous, especially when you have like the politicians

00:06:34.920 who are like, we got to love everyone.

00:06:36.280 We need to like include marginalized and they're like, go bomb the fuck out of those guys.

00:06:40.540 You're like, all right, that's for sure.

00:06:43.180 That's a weird change of pace.

00:06:44.580 But yeah.

00:06:45.540 Yeah.

00:06:45.960 That's it.

00:06:46.460 Yeah.

00:06:46.800 You start to realize like, oh, this it's all a bunch of bullshit kind of like, it's all

00:06:51.960 like, um, yeah, I don't even know what I'm trying.

00:06:55.740 It's like, no, it's, it's, it's absurd.

00:06:58.520 The war is becoming absurd now because it's just kind of like, well, you can see why it's

00:07:02.580 happening.

00:07:02.860 I feel like it used to, there used to be this mirage, like we're fighting for the country

00:07:06.320 and stuff.

00:07:06.700 And now it's like, well, now people are like, what do you mean?

00:07:09.440 You don't even care about our country.

00:07:11.080 Like our government's just letting millions of people in.

00:07:15.360 Eric Adams just said that they should let illegal immigrants.

00:07:18.560 Immigrants, this is the fucking most insane thing I've ever heard.

00:07:22.100 Okay.

00:07:23.180 He said they should let illegal immigrants be lifeguards at pools, which is a job that

00:07:30.160 is apparently in high demand because we don't have enough people doing the job.

00:07:37.920 That's, I mean, dude, I had a community pool in Philly that it would get shut down because

00:07:42.620 there were no lifeguards and used to drive me crazy.

00:07:44.560 Oh, so it's a real thing.

00:07:46.000 There are, there is, weirdly, there's a lack of lifeguards in like, at least in Philadelphia,

00:07:50.440 there were, it was hard, they're hard to come across.

00:07:52.440 I mean, it's pretty funny, but he said, because they're excellent swimmers.

00:07:55.020 That states, those jobs that we are in high demand, we could expedite.

00:08:04.380 How do we have a large body of people that are in our city and country that are excellent

00:08:10.920 swimmers, and at the same time, we need lifeguards?

00:08:15.220 And the only obstacle is that we're going to give them the right to become a legal guy.

00:08:19.740 That, so you're saying illegal aliens are great swimmers?

00:08:25.440 That's kind of like a setup for a pretty easy joke about, you know, Mexican dudes.

00:08:31.560 Well, not Mexican, they didn't, like, there's not even, it's all desert.

00:08:35.700 I mean, I could see maybe Cubans, I could see Puerto Ricans, maybe, Nova Scotians, or somebody

00:08:43.080 that would have to swim here, but.

00:08:45.960 Well, that's the joke.

00:08:46.820 Isn't that the joke, though?

00:08:47.520 I don't know what Mexican dudes is to say they swam here across some river, but.

00:08:50.520 I mean, I would say.

00:08:52.260 I don't know, did they?

00:08:53.240 I think so.

00:08:54.120 But what river could it be?

00:08:55.880 I could be wrong.

00:08:56.480 I could be, I could be.

00:08:57.540 Oh, the Rio Grande?

00:08:58.480 Yeah.

00:08:59.280 I think that's like the final, like in the Oregon Trail, when you have to do that final

00:09:02.020 river.

00:09:03.040 Hmm.

00:09:04.320 Yeah, I think that's the final thing they got to do.

00:09:06.620 Well, that's not, that's like knee deep, but.

00:09:08.920 Oh, wow.

00:09:09.480 Yeah, maybe that is the final thing.

00:09:10.620 There's some of them congratulating their friends.

00:09:13.780 Yeah, they got to, they got to put out like an inner city Baywatch as like lifeguard

00:09:17.500 propaganda to get people stoked on lifeguarding again.

00:09:20.040 Dude, yeah.

00:09:20.540 Why don't we have a Mexican Baywatch, some big, breasty lifeguards at the border?

00:09:28.560 That's what I'm saying.

00:09:29.680 That was when lifeguarding was cool.

00:09:30.880 Now, like nobody wants to be a lifeguard because it's kind of like, you know, it's not as cool

00:09:34.180 as it was.

00:09:34.820 Yeah.

00:09:35.000 Pam Anderson, they could have, yeah, and just like a bunch of Band-Aids floating in the

00:09:38.420 pool.

00:09:38.700 It'd be fun.

00:09:39.060 It'd be tight.

00:09:39.520 It'd be really cool.

00:09:40.640 Dude, I would go, I'd go run across a border every day and just fucking start drowning,

00:09:48.420 get some CPR.

00:09:49.880 True, dude.

00:09:50.980 They got to, they got to fire something up because it does suck when you want to go to

00:09:54.020 a pool in your neighborhood and they're like, oh, we're closed.

00:09:55.820 And you're like, why?

00:09:56.380 And like, we don't have lifeguards.

00:09:57.220 And you're like, dude, are you fucking serious?

00:09:58.680 But how do you not have a lifeguard?

00:09:59.960 Usually they would let a 15 year old or 16 year old kid who was taller than some of the

00:10:04.180 other kids and he took a CPR class or learned it online.

00:10:10.640 They would let him be the lifeguard.

00:10:13.460 How was that?

00:10:14.220 When did that stop?

00:10:15.680 I don't know.

00:10:16.140 I think it still is kids.

00:10:17.140 I think they just don't want to work, I guess.

00:10:18.360 I don't know what it is because it's an easy, it's a cake job, dude.

00:10:21.020 You're just sitting there on the high chair.

00:10:22.660 Is you a lifeguard?

00:10:23.600 No, I've just, I've watched them.

00:10:25.600 I've been watching them for a long time, but it's like, it seems easy.

00:10:29.140 You just chose in a pool.

00:10:30.180 It's easy.

00:10:30.560 The ocean is real.

00:10:31.840 Yeah.

00:10:32.040 A pool, it's like, dude, just keep an eye out.

00:10:33.660 Make sure nobody drowns.

00:10:35.220 Oh yeah.

00:10:35.760 Pool, that guy wasn't watching kids.

00:10:37.400 A lot of times it seemed like he was just trying to smash like any chicks or moms or

00:10:41.100 whatever.

00:10:41.920 Like there'd be four drowning kids and he'd be over there fucking just doing chest compressions

00:10:49.020 on a divorce.

00:10:51.340 That's the perks of the job.

00:10:52.560 That's crazy.

00:10:53.160 Kids don't want to do that.

00:10:54.040 It's probably like 15 bucks an hour hooking up with moms.

00:10:58.340 Sunshine.

00:10:58.740 And it's the best your body is probably the healthiest you're going to be.

00:11:02.780 Yeah.

00:11:02.820 You still have, um, exosome.

00:11:06.540 You still have like, um, cord blood in your system or whatever.

00:11:10.760 Yeah, man.

00:11:11.060 You got the young, yeah.

00:11:11.680 Like the platelets and all that stuff.

00:11:13.080 Yeah.

00:11:13.200 And you can also do that thing where everyone has to like public pools.

00:11:15.500 You'll have, everyone has to get out for some reason.

00:11:17.480 They'll be like out on like every hour, like everyone out of the pool.

00:11:20.060 Yeah.

00:11:20.320 For no reason.

00:11:20.960 And everyone gets back in.

00:11:21.580 So you could like start letting a couple of ladies, like you guys stay, you guys out.

00:11:24.560 Yeah.

00:11:24.920 Like a water bouncer kind of hot chicks in first, you know, at that age you were so prime.

00:11:32.220 You could just point at your dick and it would ejaculate, you know, when you were like 15.

00:11:36.460 Yeah.

00:11:36.760 You're doing like, they're, they're like, at least the ones on the beach, they do like insane

00:11:39.480 conditioning too.

00:11:40.600 Yeah.

00:11:40.940 So yeah, man, they could, you could be, you're jacked, you're ripped.

00:11:44.160 I think kids just aren't jacked that, they're not as jacked anymore.

00:11:46.520 So they're probably ashamed of their bodies.

00:11:48.220 Yeah.

00:11:48.780 They're pale and kind of like, you know, not as ripped as they were before.

00:11:52.160 You think so?

00:11:53.000 Yeah.

00:11:53.320 Kids are not ripped like they were.

00:11:55.300 They all wear fucking shirts now.

00:11:56.620 Every little kid at the beach wears a fucking sun protective shirt.

00:11:59.440 It's like, let me see your pecs.

00:12:01.700 What?

00:12:05.100 I'm trying to see how they're built.

00:12:06.280 I want to make sure we're not degenerate.

00:12:06.920 Actually, I met a kid at the beach, there's a picture of a kid I met years ago.

00:12:10.980 And we kept in touch over, um, letter.

00:12:14.500 We've been pen pals for a few years.

00:12:16.480 Yeah.

00:12:16.780 What was he wearing?

00:12:17.800 Oh, he wasn't wearing much.

00:12:19.000 He's kind of a thicker kid.

00:12:20.660 I think his, one of his parents had passed away.

00:12:23.500 Oh, damn.

00:12:24.260 He found it, bring it up.

00:12:25.060 There we go.

00:12:29.320 And that kid was like nine.

00:12:31.560 One of those big kids.

00:12:32.780 A big nine.

00:12:33.540 That's good though.

00:12:34.160 That's, that's his cocoon.

00:12:35.140 He's about to totally morph.

00:12:37.300 Who's the dude?

00:12:38.180 That's me, buddy.

00:12:39.080 What?

00:12:39.740 Yeah.

00:12:40.000 Bro, when was this?

00:12:41.080 That's back when you could wear what you wanted before the government said everything.

00:12:47.060 When was, dude, you look great, man.

00:12:48.640 Thanks, dude.

00:12:49.540 See, that's what I'm saying.

00:12:50.220 Like, that kid should be more ripped than you just by laws of nature.

00:12:53.400 I mean, again, I'm not shaming him, obviously.

00:12:54.860 No.

00:12:55.060 I was a fat young kid too, so.

00:12:56.900 Oh, that kid ripped into some cookies, dude.

00:12:59.340 That dude was a fucking snack daddy.

00:13:02.380 He was a little fucking snack serpent.

00:13:05.060 Were you fat when you were younger?

00:13:06.840 No, I was fat.

00:13:07.960 I remember there was like one fall or something.

00:13:10.000 Everybody in our town got fat or something.

00:13:11.740 I think something bad happened.

00:13:12.960 And then everybody got fat.

00:13:15.220 And then like in the spring, everybody like kind of thinned out.

00:13:18.480 Yeah.

00:13:18.720 Um, seventh grade's like peak fat.

00:13:21.600 Seventh grade for kids, you get like really fat and then puberty kind of like shoots you

00:13:25.060 up.

00:13:25.660 Yeah.

00:13:25.900 Did you, did you go through a thicker time in your life?

00:13:28.620 Yeah.

00:13:28.800 I was pretty chubby.

00:13:29.640 I wanted to play football and I stopped growing.

00:13:31.380 So I was like, I'm just going to get huge.

00:13:33.280 So I did like the gallon of milk a day thing and like eighth grade going into ninth and I

00:13:36.580 just got fat as hell.

00:13:37.980 I was like super fat.

00:13:39.160 I just got fat and I got caught from the football team.

00:13:41.300 Yeah, you're just drinking a gallon of milk a day, dude.

00:13:44.780 You're a newborn.

00:13:47.540 That's, they used to say that if you drink a gallon of milk a day, you just put on tons

00:13:50.860 of mass.

00:13:51.320 Now, you know the Cozy Shack rice puddings?

00:13:53.400 Uh-uh.

00:13:53.980 They're these big tubs of rice pudding.

00:13:55.420 I would crush one of those every day.

00:13:56.980 Bring up a couple of rice puddings.

00:13:58.080 Dude, Cozy Shack.

00:13:59.300 That was my shit.

00:13:59.900 I used to crush them in class.

00:14:01.340 Mmm.

00:14:01.840 So I got really big.

00:14:02.560 I just wasn't tall enough.

00:14:03.420 I played D-end and then I stopped growing.

00:14:05.520 I'm 5'10".

00:14:06.420 Yeah, those things, man.

00:14:07.440 God damn it, man.

00:14:08.580 Were they good?

00:14:09.280 Yeah, they're so good.

00:14:10.600 You guys ever eat Cozy Shack?

00:14:11.960 It's good, man.

00:14:13.020 I used to crush a tub.

00:14:15.160 It was like nine servings and I would sit there in class and put it down.

00:14:17.860 They called me Fat Matt.

00:14:18.760 I had like a serious fat period.

00:14:20.480 Really?

00:14:20.800 But I did own it.

00:14:21.600 I really owned it.

00:14:22.380 My screen name, my AOL screen name was Fat Matt.

00:14:24.500 Oh.

00:14:25.100 And I got kicked off of AOL because I had written something.

00:14:28.780 It was like a rap lyric about gun violence in a chat room.

00:14:32.580 I was just like a Beastie Boys song.

00:14:34.100 And then Columbine happened the next day.

00:14:36.140 So someone reported my day before post as like Goat and Columbine.

00:14:39.780 I didn't do that.

00:14:40.380 So I got kicked off AOL.

00:14:41.320 I got reported.

00:14:41.960 My parents kicked me off AOL.

00:14:43.820 And then I came back.

00:14:44.800 I got kicked off like a year.

00:14:46.520 At least I think my parents restricted me for that long.

00:14:48.900 God, really?

00:14:49.660 My new screen name, Fat Matt Strikes Back.

00:14:52.060 I came back.

00:14:52.760 Yeah, I came back.

00:14:53.360 Oh, yeah.

00:14:53.880 Like the Jedi or whatever.

00:14:55.320 Return of the Fed Eye.

00:14:57.600 See, I got kicked off of AOL, man.

00:14:59.400 It sucked.

00:15:00.100 That was the shit.

00:15:00.940 After school, just putting up your chats.

00:15:02.700 There's the girls in your class.

00:15:03.680 You'd be like, yo, what's up?

00:15:05.200 I never did that.

00:15:07.200 You didn't do the AOL chat?

00:15:08.260 The instant messenger?

00:15:09.020 No, I don't know what I did.

00:15:10.180 I usually just went home and felt bad about myself for a couple hours.

00:15:15.020 But yeah, I would have probably rather do it online to other people.

00:15:18.140 But then we started this podcast.

00:15:19.760 That's how we do it now.

00:15:21.780 Well, you could go back then.

00:15:22.720 You would do an instant messenger.

00:15:24.220 When it was time for dinner, you put like an away message.

00:15:26.240 You'd be like, you'd come up with something cool.

00:15:27.780 Like, yo, I'm not here right now.

00:15:28.880 I'll be back.

00:15:29.480 Yeah, at the mall.

00:15:30.600 Yeah, at the mall.

00:15:31.440 Did you crush the mall too when you were younger?

00:15:32.940 Have to go to work.

00:15:34.120 Dude, we used to go camp outside of the mall because it was about maybe, the mall was probably

00:15:38.100 17 miles away.

00:15:39.300 It was kind of near this pizza hut.

00:15:40.820 Damn.

00:15:41.880 We would go camp out there.

00:15:43.560 So we'd go on Saturday, bring a tent, camp out, and go back in Sunday morning and just

00:15:49.360 do everything that they had in there.

00:15:51.940 They had all types of shops for a while.

00:15:55.700 They had a, what was that one that had all the, like, stuff for, like, kids kind of

00:16:03.240 like, or, like, weird shit.

00:16:04.620 It would have, like, a lava lamp and then, like, a pride flag.

00:16:08.780 Spencer's, yeah.

00:16:09.700 Yeah.

00:16:10.360 You can get, like, a dildo.

00:16:12.000 They just sold, like, dildos and lava lamps and, like, attitude posters and shit.

00:16:15.940 Yeah.

00:16:16.140 Yeah, yeah.

00:16:16.680 It was like, you can do it, you know, and then it'd be a dildo.

00:16:19.160 And you're like, that doesn't even, what is this about?

00:16:21.880 They had, like, gag gifts.

00:16:22.880 You can get, like, the small pecker condom, which was, like, a teeny tiny condom and,

00:16:26.180 like, hand it to someone.

00:16:26.820 They'd be like, oh, dude, what the fuck?

00:16:28.340 Yeah.

00:16:28.860 Why'd you do this to me?

00:16:30.100 It was the worst.

00:16:31.220 Yeah.

00:16:31.380 Or you could get, like, a condom that had, like, pepper on it.

00:16:36.300 Just shit that was, like, you know.

00:16:38.760 And you'd see somebody cutting one up into, like, a bowl of chili or something.

00:16:41.680 Like, nobody knew how you used some of the products there, dude.

00:16:46.700 Yeah.

00:16:46.880 Spencer's was, like, blacklight alien posters, like, wildly sexual gifts.

00:16:51.980 Yeah.

00:16:52.600 And, yeah, it was the.

00:16:54.700 It did well, man.

00:16:55.780 That place, that store was around forever.

00:16:57.780 They had, I believe they had some racial gifts, too.

00:17:01.720 I would imagine.

00:17:02.260 One time I saw a hat there.

00:17:03.860 I remember this anyway.

00:17:05.820 I saw a hat.

00:17:06.640 It said the N word on the front, right?

00:17:08.940 On the back, it said just joking across the back.

00:17:12.120 And I'm, like, first of all, and we're, like, trying them on or whatever.

00:17:18.840 And I'm, like, the odds of, first of all, if someone sees the front, they're going to get pissed, right?

00:17:23.380 The last thing you want to do to that person is show them the back.

00:17:27.500 Turn your back to them, dude.

00:17:28.860 They're going to beat the shit.

00:17:30.440 Mid-punch.

00:17:31.140 Like, oh, shit, my bad.

00:17:31.920 I know you're just fucking around.

00:17:35.560 Dude, that's crazy.

00:17:37.920 Yeah, they, what happened to Spencer's?

00:17:39.740 Let's find that out, because that is.

00:17:42.040 I feel like they got bought by Hot Topic, maybe.

00:17:44.360 I feel like that also sounds like just two gay dudes that fall, like, hey, Spencer and Hot Topic are fucking, you know, flailing it out over there.

00:17:53.100 I used to work in the mall.

00:17:54.260 It's, like, for real, it's like a, um, it's like a subculture.

00:17:57.140 If you're a mall employee, you talk to the other mall employees, and you guys, like, trade discounts with each other.

00:18:01.540 I worked at a candy stand in the mall for, like, three months.

00:18:05.740 I had a bad thing I see.

00:18:07.420 I want to know more about it.

00:18:08.340 I want to know what happened to Spencer's real quick, just so we have this information.

00:18:10.500 Sure, no, go ahead, please, please, please.

00:18:12.080 Spencer's gift was founded in 1947 in eastern Pennsylvania by Max Spencer as a mail order catalog, which sold an assortment of novelty merchandise.

00:18:20.840 Wow.

00:18:21.760 The company moved all mail order and fulfillment operations to Atlantic City, New Jersey, in 1960.

00:18:26.680 They still have 650 stores.

00:18:28.600 Wow.

00:18:29.260 Whoa.

00:18:30.180 Seagram bought them.

00:18:30.880 Oh, they acquired Halloween, uh, Halloween, Spirit Halloween, which is a seasonal retailer.

00:18:36.740 That all makes sense.

00:18:38.420 Spirit of Halloweens are a nice hustle.

00:18:39.920 You open up for, like, three months, make, like, probably 70,000 bucks, and just shut them down.

00:18:44.380 Yeah.

00:18:44.880 I like, I've been peeping those out for a while.

00:18:47.100 Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting into something like that.

00:18:48.920 That would be nice, man.

00:18:49.860 They're cheap.

00:18:50.300 They cost nothing.

00:18:51.160 And you can use them year after year after.

00:18:53.180 They don't spoil.

00:18:53.860 Yeah, but then you have a garage full of Freddy masks all year, and you can't park in your, you don't know where to park your car.

00:18:58.400 You need a big story space.

00:18:59.960 It is fucked up to have that many Freddy masks.

00:19:02.740 That many bloody plastic butcher knives.

00:19:06.700 True, that would be kind of damning.

00:19:08.060 The worst part is, dude, imagine you coming in, you're drunk a little bit, right?

00:19:12.220 Or pilled up, or whatever.

00:19:13.940 Some, or people in your family are pilled up, or your pilled up son drives into the driveway, right?

00:19:18.580 He hits a couple of the boxes, dude.

00:19:20.360 And one of the boxes is those ghosts that's like, ooh.

00:19:24.880 That might scare him straight.

00:19:26.020 The whole fucking box just starts making that sound, dude.

00:19:28.900 Oh, my God.

00:19:29.540 That'd be terrifying.

00:19:30.340 We did the mash.

00:19:31.500 We did the mash.

00:19:32.560 Just motion activated.

00:19:33.800 It's a chorus of skulls.

00:19:34.760 Your core hits a box, and it fucking just activated it, dude.

00:19:38.080 And it's like 40 of those bats just singing the graveyard smash.

00:19:43.520 Dude, if you can't, especially like a lot of warehouses, you know, businesses go out of, they go out of business.

00:19:48.220 And then it's like, if you're like renting warehouses, they're always full of like a shit of a failed business.

00:19:52.380 So you could be like a dark warehouse by yourself, and like, what is this stuff?

00:19:55.100 Yeah, and you just get motion activated on like 25 green-eyed cats.

00:19:59.220 Businesses are fucking gay, dude, I think, honestly.

00:20:02.200 Yeah, they suck, man.

00:20:03.200 They do suck.

00:20:03.740 Yeah, think about it, dude.

00:20:07.060 They are.

00:20:07.840 Yeah.

00:20:09.060 Dude, I was totally, when I was younger, I was completely anti-business.

00:20:11.980 I would work retail, and I would steal.

00:20:14.460 Unfortunately, I would never do that now, but I used to steal badly from, if I liked the person, I wouldn't steal.

00:20:19.860 If they were mean, I'd be like, all right, then, we'll see about this.

00:20:22.440 And I could figure, every place has like a giant loophole on the cash register.

00:20:26.460 Like, there would be like a thing where it's like, free baby cone.

00:20:29.660 If like a baby comes up, give them a free cone.

00:20:31.500 But if anything rang up to exactly like $20 or $25 where you didn't have to make change, you can just hit free baby cone.

00:20:37.360 And then, when you go to the register, just crumple it all up and like stuff it in your shoe.

00:20:41.900 It was bad.

00:20:42.500 It was, yeah, it was very bad.

00:20:43.440 I feel bad about that.

00:20:44.940 Have you ever gone and made peace with those people or seeked them out?

00:20:48.440 No, because they were my enemies.

00:20:49.880 They were, for real, were my enemies.

00:20:51.240 Oh, yeah.

00:20:51.820 What kind of place was it?

00:20:53.500 One ice cream shop, Brewster's.

00:20:56.000 These are fucking good people.

00:20:58.820 Well, the manager, they were great.

00:21:00.760 They were fine.

00:21:01.500 At the candy place, they were, for real, dickheads.

00:21:03.560 They only wanted high school girls working there.

00:21:06.160 And then, there was a manager who did a bunch of, the place was called like Scoop Nuts, which is kind of funny.

00:21:11.860 But the, there was, this lady hired me.

00:21:15.580 She had like put in sweat equity, all of this stuff.

00:21:18.560 And she was saying like they were trying to like get rid of her.

00:21:21.240 You know, again, it's all allegedly, I don't want the Scoop Nuts franchise to attack me.

00:21:25.640 But finally.

00:21:26.760 It's all rumors.

00:21:27.580 It's all rumors.

00:21:28.260 But finally, the owners came in and they were just being, like, who hired you?

00:21:31.760 Why are you here?

00:21:32.560 I was like.

00:21:33.080 Look, I'm Matt.

00:21:33.980 Yeah, dude.

00:21:34.300 Like, I'm trying to make money.

00:21:35.200 Like, I'm trying to make a living like everybody else, dude.

00:21:37.060 I need gas money.

00:21:37.920 And then, from then on, because when I thought the lady owned it, I was straight as an arrow.

00:21:41.360 And those two dudes came and they were like, the lady was like, they're fucking me.

00:21:44.500 You know, this sucks.

00:21:45.300 This is bullshit.

00:21:45.820 I'm so sorry.

00:21:46.520 I was like, no problem.

00:21:47.460 I knew my time was limited.

00:21:48.460 So, I cashed up big time.

00:21:51.160 Yeah.

00:21:51.320 How much did you take from him, you think?

00:21:52.600 Or allegedly take from him, if you even did it?

00:21:54.440 I mean, it would have been, at the time it seemed crazy because I would leave with like 70 bucks a shift and be like, holy fuck.

00:22:00.880 That's a lot, dude.

00:22:01.640 Yeah, I was crushing them.

00:22:02.700 I was getting after.

00:22:03.860 I was getting after.

00:22:04.740 Because that register, you just typed up, you weighed it and typed the amount.

00:22:07.640 So, I'd be like, it was weighed a certain thing and I was just taxing it.

00:22:10.520 Who would order 70 bucks worth of nothing?

00:22:12.280 It would be like everything was 5 to 10 bucks, but then I could just be like 250.

00:22:16.620 I could just type it in the register.

00:22:17.700 Baby comb, baby comb, baby comb.

00:22:18.900 Cut the fucking weight in half, too.

00:22:20.620 I feel bad.

00:22:21.200 If they ever reached out, I'd obviously.

00:22:22.700 Just say it to them now.

00:22:23.680 You can talk right into that camera.

00:22:24.620 I got it, man.

00:22:25.700 I probably owe them like 500 bucks, which in high school is a lot.

00:22:29.080 If you're rolling with like.

00:22:29.840 That's an insane amount of money.

00:22:30.740 That's what I'm saying back then.

00:22:31.800 Now, that's like almost 20, 30,000.

00:22:35.880 True.

00:22:37.020 With inflation.

00:22:38.680 I bought a house.

00:22:39.560 I bought my first house off.

00:22:42.620 You have a boat.

00:22:43.840 It says nuts scoop on the back of it.

00:22:45.960 That's the name of it.

00:22:47.420 But then, you know, they were probably fine, guys.

00:22:48.960 I was just getting information.

00:22:50.120 You know, when you're 17, you don't know what the fuck's going on.

00:22:52.780 Yeah.

00:22:53.120 So, but yeah, I unfortunately.

00:22:54.280 But you know if you should steal or not.

00:22:55.720 Yeah, I was bad on that.

00:22:56.760 That was my fault.

00:22:57.660 For real, that was a weakness of mine.

00:22:59.320 Theft was a weakness.

00:23:00.780 Dude, I was, I love to steal.

00:23:03.140 What was it about stealing, man?

00:23:04.700 I would try to like, let me think of some things that I stole.

00:23:08.640 Dude, I stole a buddy of mine's boxer shorts one time.

00:23:10.400 He had some nice ones, right?

00:23:11.580 They were from like Gap or something.

00:23:15.040 Or like, I don't even know what they had.

00:23:17.520 I think they had, or something.

00:23:21.460 I think they was from Gap or maybe they was made out of silk.

00:23:25.200 Oh.

00:23:25.660 Oh God, it was nice.

00:23:27.000 That fucking.

00:23:27.320 Yeah.

00:23:27.760 Yeah.

00:23:28.440 I had a pair of them.

00:23:29.400 They were nice.

00:23:30.040 And silk to even, and yeah, it must have probably took 70,000 spiders to make these fucking

00:23:34.840 boxes, right?

00:23:35.500 Like, it was stunning.

00:23:37.240 And I stole them and then wore them to his fucking house.

00:23:40.080 And he's like, dude, those are my boxers.

00:23:41.980 And I was like, no, these aren't.

00:23:44.020 No way, dude.

00:23:46.840 I was like, you're crazy.

00:23:47.880 And then he was always like, I don't know if he was gay, but he was always trying to

00:23:50.400 take them off of my body.

00:23:51.740 True.

00:23:52.080 That is fucked up.

00:23:52.740 He was trying to do that.

00:23:53.800 Yeah.

00:23:54.060 So that's definitely.

00:23:54.660 So you guys were just getting changed and he was like, yo, those are mine.

00:23:57.140 You're like, yo, stop looking at my dick, bro.

00:23:58.400 This is crazy.

00:23:58.940 Yeah.

00:23:58.960 He was trying to take them off me.

00:24:00.220 I'm like, even if I'm a thief, dude, that doesn't mean you should be gay.

00:24:04.040 True.

00:24:04.660 Two wrongs, I'll make it right.

00:24:05.780 Yeah, dude.

00:24:06.480 So it's just that kind of activity in the community was kind of changing the scope in our area.

00:24:10.560 Um, I have, I had a dude who I know, I knew of a guy who his friend had stolen something

00:24:16.800 similar.

00:24:17.280 His friend has stolen his favorite t-shirt or something he really liked and he's stolen

00:24:20.780 it and he was like, give it back to me.

00:24:22.520 His friend wouldn't give it back.

00:24:23.400 He's like, fuck you.

00:24:24.000 But like, they're like messing around.

00:24:25.420 And this dude went into his house and this, the kid had a hot sister and he stole a pair

00:24:29.780 of the sister's panties and then went to the dude and was like, yo, I, you know,

00:24:33.640 I fucked this chick, check it out and hit him, hit the panties.

00:24:36.420 And he went awesome.

00:24:38.720 And then he was, I never told him.

00:24:40.240 Yeah, he's like, oh, it's so diabolical.

00:24:43.360 He told me, I was like, I mean, you definitely won that battle, but I was like, that's, that's

00:24:47.960 a heavy cost.

00:24:48.860 That's a heavy cost to win the war.

00:24:51.540 And that's the kind of shit that's happening in Gaza, dude.

00:24:56.300 It needs to stop.

00:24:58.080 Yeah, we need to send force right now.

00:25:00.240 What the crazy thing is over there, it's like, I don't know, I don't know enough about it.

00:25:05.700 I need to have people on that know about it.

00:25:07.960 Yeah, but they're all, the problem is usually they take one side.

00:25:10.960 Right, maybe they have one of each.

00:25:12.760 Then they just fight.

00:25:13.580 Dude, this guy, do you know Destiny?

00:25:14.820 He's on every podcast.

00:25:16.320 Separate episodes.

00:25:17.220 Yeah, it's him.

00:25:18.420 Yeah, true.

00:25:18.980 He's on separate episodes.

00:25:20.320 But you get like two really fast talking guys and they just like go on these like,

00:25:24.860 the Abraham Accords of 1974, you're just kind of like, I can't tell who's winning right

00:25:29.440 now.

00:25:29.580 It's tough.

00:25:30.280 Separate episodes, I think, is what I need.

00:25:31.880 Because I want to know more about it.

00:25:33.140 Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

00:25:33.560 Okay, I thought you were saying he's on every one.

00:25:34.940 Yeah, that.

00:25:35.700 Yeah, I want to have two guys, separate episodes.

00:25:38.760 Yeah, that's because I want to know more about it.

00:25:40.260 It just feels fucked up like in my heart.

00:25:42.640 Like if I ask my heart what's going on here, it's like, you got to free Palestine.

00:25:47.040 I don't know how, though.

00:25:48.000 It's like you have to, or I know that's just the term, but it's like, yeah, I don't know.

00:25:53.240 Because it doesn't seem like they're bad guys.

00:25:55.500 No.

00:25:55.980 But then there's the October 7th and that's horrible.

00:25:59.720 Well, the problem is that the Hamas distinction is tough.

00:26:02.460 Because then the Hamas, they say, hides within the civilian population.

00:26:05.580 But then the civilian population elected Hamas.

00:26:08.060 But then if you look into why, it's like they got bombed terribly.

00:26:11.020 So they're like, all right, well then fuck you.

00:26:12.640 Right.

00:26:13.520 Yeah, man, it's one of those things.

00:26:14.840 It's like, dude, and apparently there's like other genocides going on too.

00:26:17.720 That's not the only one.

00:26:18.660 Oh, really?

00:26:19.340 Yeah, I think so.

00:26:20.260 I think there's some other terrible wars going on.

00:26:21.940 I could be wrong, but I think there's some other ones as well.

00:26:24.300 Yeah.

00:26:24.600 So there's a lot.

00:26:25.400 There's a lot of them.

00:26:25.980 I think they're always going on too, which is terrible.

00:26:28.180 Oh, there's one in Wyoming?

00:26:31.140 Genocide warning in Manupir, India.

00:26:34.560 Okay, Israel Hamas is up there.

00:26:36.660 Genocide Watch, Turkey's Obstruction of Aid to Kurds.

00:26:39.620 Genocide Alerts.

00:26:40.500 This is currently from GenocideAlerts.com.

00:26:42.620 That's a website.

00:26:44.440 That's kind of, who bought that?

00:26:45.780 This is fucking unbelievable.

00:26:47.640 Imagine if you bought that in like 20 years.

00:26:49.220 What kind of world do we live in?

00:26:50.440 Does this show up on your whoop bracelet or something?

00:26:52.460 This is unbelievable that we have a website called Genocide Alerts now.

00:26:58.640 That's crazy.

00:26:58.900 So you wake up in the morning and you check.

00:27:01.620 Genocide emergencies and warnings, 2024.

00:27:04.660 Current alerts.

00:27:05.760 Israel Hamas in Gaza.

00:27:08.560 Manupir, India.

00:27:09.520 I'm looking for the PayPal link at the bottom.

00:27:14.240 Yeah.

00:27:14.520 That would be like, send five bucks and we'll keep fighting these.

00:27:18.260 Yeah.

00:27:18.580 Yeah, dude, there's more.

00:27:22.660 Oh, that's 2022.

00:27:24.000 Okay.

00:27:24.360 So there's not too, too many.

00:27:26.820 I wonder if we get accurate news about it, too, though.

00:27:30.140 That's the thing.

00:27:31.020 I mean, yeah, it's pretty tough, man.

00:27:32.480 It's like coming out of a, usually some sort of dictatorship on one side or the other.

00:27:36.940 Yeah.

00:27:37.200 Dude, I don't know what's going on.

00:27:38.320 Like, if you ask me about like Texas politics, I'm like, I don't know.

00:27:40.540 I have no clue.

00:27:41.760 You need to know it.

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00:30:08.840 Matt McCusker, you're a podcaster and a comedian.

00:30:11.440 Yeah.

00:30:11.780 Well, you started out, obviously, working in ice cream.

00:30:14.300 Ice cream.

00:30:14.360 You started out working in...

00:30:15.420 Theft.

00:30:16.180 Theft, yeah.

00:30:16.940 Yeah, it was theft, ice cream, retail.

00:30:19.560 What retail did you work out at?

00:30:21.620 It was really just Brewster's and the Candy Place.

00:30:24.700 I did, my family did construction, so I did more construction growing up,

00:30:28.120 but it was like, I got a couple retail.

00:30:29.840 I kind of did almost every, I worked in an office for a couple months,

00:30:33.740 did retail, did construction.

00:30:36.440 Pizza delivery.

00:30:37.600 Did pizza delivery.

00:30:38.400 It was kind of cool.

00:30:38.800 Oh, yeah.

00:30:39.180 Yeah, it was pretty chill.

00:30:40.560 Pizza delivery was pretty crazy, dude.

00:30:42.900 Yeah, I was delivering pizza in a bad neighborhood, too,

00:30:44.900 and that's, like, scary as fuck.

00:30:46.500 I had multiple instances where I had to, like, same time a pie with the cash.

00:30:51.820 It was crazy.

00:30:53.280 Oh, my God.

00:30:54.000 Yeah, it was not good.

00:30:55.880 I used to cook.

00:30:56.500 I was the cook, too, so I would cook.

00:30:58.220 I was there by myself.

00:30:59.300 I would cook, and then I would lock the store,

00:31:01.460 then go deliver a pizza and have to, like, think,

00:31:04.360 all right, well, let me see that.

00:31:05.440 It was crazy.

00:31:06.600 It was unbelievable.

00:31:08.060 You were basically a one-man business.

00:31:09.600 Why were you working for somebody else?

00:31:11.420 It was my cousin's shop.

00:31:14.160 He started a pizza shop, dude, and I was like, yeah, I'll do it,

00:31:16.880 and I had quit the office job.

00:31:18.480 I was at a sales job, and I quit that.

00:31:19.920 I was like, dude, I can't do this anymore.

00:31:21.740 Did you ever sell telemarketing?

00:31:23.240 Did you ever sell, like, Tony Little Gazelle freestylers to people on, like—

00:31:27.440 my buddy used to do that.

00:31:28.560 My buddy had to work for his dad one summer, and his dad owned, like, a call center,

00:31:32.400 and he had to call and sell with his Tony Little—

00:31:34.120 Oh, he was doing those.

00:31:35.340 Dude, he had to sell Tony Little Gazelle freestylers, dude,

00:31:39.640 and it's basically just like—it's almost like a—it's like a swing set for people

00:31:44.620 who could be—and I don't like to say this word out loud, but retarded, right?

00:31:48.800 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:31:49.400 It's a swing set.

00:31:50.460 It's like a bi-leg, bi-pedal swing set for people that could be retarded.

00:31:54.540 It's like for people that are afraid to ski, right?

00:31:56.720 Like, it's basically—it's like this, so it's like wives that want to—

00:32:00.020 Yeah, I remember those things.

00:32:00.580 It's like—so you can practice as a wife leaving your husband.

00:32:03.060 It's like—it's like that's how you would go, right?

00:32:05.860 It's like every wife that wanted to leave their husband,

00:32:08.080 if they were afraid, they would just get on this for an hour.

00:32:10.080 Yeah, he would just pied-piper them away.

00:32:12.460 Yeah, that thing's crazy.

00:32:13.720 My buddy had to cold call people and try to sell it to them.

00:32:16.220 So, dude, but also they had numbers that would go in that people would call in,

00:32:20.600 and we would call in all the time, dude.

00:32:23.620 Oh, my God.

00:32:23.740 And he had to do like a 30-second preamble right when you called, dude.

00:32:27.680 We would just—he would do it, and we'd be like, quit!

00:32:31.100 Did you ever do a call center?

00:32:34.800 No, man.

00:32:35.620 I worked at—we had a pizza place, too.

00:32:38.660 I worked at one called BJ's, and then there was another one, Born Again Crustians.

00:32:44.900 It was a pizza.

00:32:46.200 Dude, that's nice.

00:32:47.420 It was pretty cool.

00:32:48.340 It was like this church that started a little Italian pie area.

00:32:52.000 Dude, I sold Italian food door-to-door with a dude, right?

00:32:55.300 There was this guy my mom, they went on a date with, and he was like—he wasn't even Italian.

00:33:02.160 He just had a mustache.

00:33:03.640 Like, that's kind of the part of the South we were in.

00:33:06.340 Like, if somebody had a mustache, they were Italian.

00:33:10.080 We're like, what do you mean he has a cleft?

00:33:12.320 Yeah, so anyway, but I had to go door-to-door with him, and I was just, like, his assistant or something, and I would get, like, two bucks, but he would just sell, like, Italian, like, frozen stuff to wives or whatever.

00:33:25.360 And then, dude, I swear, sometimes I kind of remember this—he would just leave me alone for—and I know he was, like, talking to these wives, like, just, like, dirty business.

00:33:34.280 But let's get into it.

00:33:36.740 I sidetracked it.

00:33:37.480 So, Matt, so that's what you were working in.

00:33:41.440 Yeah, I was doing—you know, I grew up mainly doing construction with odd jobs, and then I went to school for psychology, and then I tried to—well, I did.

00:33:51.080 I dropped my psychology major and then switched to business just because my friends were in business, so I was like, I'm going to go chill with my friends.

00:33:57.360 So I switched my whole major to be in class with my friends.

00:34:00.640 Really?

00:34:01.180 Yeah.

00:34:01.680 It wasn't good.

00:34:02.360 It wasn't a good idea.

00:34:03.300 Looking back on it, I'm like, damn, I fucked up.

00:34:05.480 Because psychology, like, you've got to go to school for, like, seven more years.

00:34:08.240 And I was like, fuck that.

00:34:10.300 Like, all my friends were in business.

00:34:11.560 I'm like, I'm just going to do that.

00:34:12.980 So I was like, I'm going to go to school for business, and I assumed if I went to school for business, I'd automatically make $100,000 a year.

00:34:19.360 That's just what I told myself.

00:34:20.420 I'm like, yeah, I'll make 100 Gs for sure.

00:34:22.260 And then, like, 2008 came, the real estate market collapsed.

00:34:26.100 But I—no, I started doing stand-up when I was, like, 23 in Philly.

00:34:29.840 Okay.

00:34:30.120 So I would do it.

00:34:31.420 What I would do is I'd do stand-up for, like, six months, and I'd be like, fuck this and stop.

00:34:35.060 Do it for, like, nine months, fuck this and stop.

00:34:37.260 And I just did that forever and ever and ever.

00:34:39.940 So—and then me and Shane started the podcast.

00:34:42.300 And I had still been doing stand-up.

00:34:43.640 Back then, I was doing stand-up a lot.

00:34:45.140 So I just got divorced.

00:34:46.460 Oh, you did?

00:34:47.420 Yeah.

00:34:47.620 I made a really—when I was younger, I was, like, 26 or 27.

00:34:52.540 I, like, got engaged when I was younger.

00:34:54.160 And I was like, no more of this bullshit or funny business.

00:34:56.380 I'm going to put my best foot forward and be a husband.

00:34:58.920 And I just fucking failed, dude.

00:35:00.680 Like, I couldn't do it.

00:35:02.560 I for real thought—I just thought that's what you do.

00:35:04.620 I'm like, yeah, it's time to, you know, quit fucking around.

00:35:07.100 I, like, tried to get—I was, like, a personal trainer at L.A. Fitness.

00:35:10.340 I was, like, selling weed.

00:35:11.480 Like, it was bad.

00:35:12.160 It was bad, dude.

00:35:14.220 Damn, dude.

00:35:14.920 It was bad.

00:35:15.740 Wow.

00:35:16.080 Well, you're entrepreneurial, it sounds like.

00:35:17.560 True.

00:35:17.920 Yeah.

00:35:18.240 My family are all entrepreneurial.

00:35:20.200 My dad owned his own business.

00:35:21.540 All—like, they all did their own thing.

00:35:23.180 So I grew up with—that was just kind of drilled into me.

00:35:25.160 Like, you have to work for yourself.

00:35:26.420 Wow.

00:35:26.940 Yeah.

00:35:27.160 Which is cool.

00:35:27.720 That's kind of cool.

00:35:28.560 Yeah.

00:35:28.840 But they also—everyone works, like, working 60 hours a week was, like, the norm.

00:35:32.780 My dad was always, like, 40 hours is part-time.

00:35:35.320 Because if you do 40-hour weeks, you're a part-timer.

00:35:37.120 Yeah.

00:35:37.480 I was, like, hell yeah.

00:35:38.400 Somebody said Jesus only worked, like, 30 hours a week.

00:35:41.680 Who said that?

00:35:42.400 Huh?

00:35:42.700 Who said that?

00:35:43.580 A bunch—it's, like, pretty—bring it up.

00:35:47.920 I know a lot of people have said it.

00:35:48.980 It's kind of bullshit.

00:35:49.640 How many hours a week did Jesus work?

00:35:50.960 Look it up.

00:35:53.220 30 kind of is the perfect—

00:35:54.480 Seriously, dude?

00:35:54.940 Dude, I could tell you a lot of shit, dude.

00:35:56.340 I heard, honestly, Frederick Douglass like dudes, bro.

00:35:59.660 What?

00:36:00.360 Yeah.

00:36:01.080 And nobody wants to say that shit.

00:36:03.240 Frederick Douglass?

00:36:04.700 Damn, really?

00:36:05.600 Yeah.

00:36:05.880 Are you breaking it?

00:36:07.880 I don't want to out the dude, but—

00:36:10.240 Free at last.

00:36:12.780 True.

00:36:13.160 No.

00:36:14.060 I mean, hey.

00:36:15.820 I first—it took me—I had to go through, like, my database of people.

00:36:19.120 I thought at first to talk about Michael Douglass.

00:36:21.740 And then I went, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, different guy, different guy.

00:36:24.240 Damn, he was fucking—

00:36:25.000 Totally different guy.

00:36:25.940 Possibly fucking—way different.

00:36:27.100 He was possibly fucking dudes.

00:36:29.080 That's crazy.

00:36:30.680 I mean, I get it.

00:36:32.080 It's not that crazy, though.

00:36:33.000 No, it's not.

00:36:33.900 Because think about it.

00:36:34.400 If you're like, I'm going to do something different, I don't want to have slavery, right?

00:36:37.780 Yeah.

00:36:37.920 I don't want to—I'm going to lead my people to a different direction.

00:36:40.920 Yeah.

00:36:41.200 And especially a lot of more men, I think.

00:36:42.780 What percentage of slaves were males?

00:36:44.880 That's a good point.

00:36:45.540 I never thought about that.

00:36:47.660 Also, he was an outside-the-box thinker.

00:36:49.240 He was, you know—

00:36:49.780 Right.

00:36:50.120 So he was like, you know what else I might—

00:36:51.240 Literally.

00:36:52.300 Okay.

00:36:53.000 Whoa.

00:36:53.460 It was 179.

00:36:54.520 Damn, that's like China.

00:36:55.280 Probably 100 females.

00:36:56.880 It's like China.

00:36:57.680 So that's definitely a good way to meet dudes, probably.

00:37:00.580 Yeah.

00:37:00.940 Sausage party.

00:37:03.020 So yeah, the Underground Railroad was a sausage party, dude.

00:37:07.860 That's fucking bullshit.

00:37:08.940 I don't think we can—

00:37:09.620 That's fucking bullshit.

00:37:11.440 No, that's fucking bullshit.

00:37:13.500 Yeah, that is bullshit, dude.

00:37:14.700 Because, yeah, that's crazy.

00:37:17.080 The fucking Underground Railroad was a sausage party.

00:37:20.660 Oh, I bet dudes were hooking up, bro.

00:37:23.980 Probably, yeah.

00:37:24.580 Once they got—yeah.

00:37:25.260 Especially going to, like, the East Coast, you get there, it was probably, like, liberal

00:37:28.060 zale back then.

00:37:29.220 It's, like, liberal—it's probably very—not at all, but—yeah, that's, uh, that's fucked

00:37:33.660 up.

00:37:33.840 I didn't know the ratio was so off.

00:37:35.380 Me either.

00:37:35.440 I assumed it was one-to-one.

00:37:37.220 Me too.

00:37:37.640 Yeah, you just kind of think that.

00:37:38.620 Isn't that funny?

00:37:39.420 Your brain just kind of thinks that, you know?

00:37:40.960 Yeah, but, like, why?

00:37:42.480 If you really think about that for, like, two more seconds, you're like, uh, what happened?

00:37:46.580 Like, there's a reason.

00:37:47.580 Like, China has suppressed female births.

00:37:50.220 They're like, how did that work out?

00:37:52.180 You know, there was no way they were being born at that rate of male to female.

00:37:56.700 Right.

00:37:57.060 They just chose to suppress it.

00:37:58.860 Yeah, that's fucked up.

00:38:00.240 Apparently, in Rome, they used to just throw babies in the trash like nothing.

00:38:03.760 Huh.

00:38:04.200 In Sparta, there was, like, a badge of honor.

00:38:05.840 If you had, like—if your kid came out, like, a little bit defective, you were supposed

00:38:08.440 to just, like, toss them in the trash and everyone would be like, nice.

00:38:10.760 No way.

00:38:11.360 Because they were like, that's how we'll keep us strong.

00:38:12.820 Yeah.

00:38:14.440 Well.

00:38:15.120 Shout out to the Jews.

00:38:15.900 The Jews were people back then who were like, that's wrong.

00:38:18.460 And they didn't do it.

00:38:19.440 They would tell people not to do it?

00:38:20.520 Yeah.

00:38:20.780 They're like, you don't want to throw kids out like that.

00:38:22.560 Dude, this Jewish lady used to drop her kids off at the McDonald's in our town and fucking

00:38:25.880 they would stay there all day long, dude.

00:38:27.440 Oh, really?

00:38:28.120 Yeah.

00:38:28.660 Those kids were there every day.

00:38:30.520 And I think one of them was mentally disabled or something.

00:38:33.140 Oh, no.

00:38:33.540 So people were always saying that, like, she dropped them off there and it wasn't cool,

00:38:37.920 you know?

00:38:38.360 Yeah, that's not nice at all.

00:38:39.320 But I think, yeah, even a couple of someone, I think more than one of them might have been

00:38:42.980 mentally disabled.

00:38:44.020 But also, most of our town was fucking mentally disabled, dude.

00:38:46.940 Like, you don't realize when other people are like, mentally disabled people stay in

00:38:51.560 one area and fuck, you know?

00:38:53.980 Yeah.

00:38:54.320 So all that's going to happen over time of that area is just like a quagmire of intellectual

00:39:05.480 cul-de-sac-ing, you know?

00:39:06.720 Yeah, dude.

00:39:07.860 Especially when you find out about, like, Asperger's.

00:39:09.760 So I've come to the, well, I've actually, it was, like, brought to my attention, I kind

00:39:13.560 of believe, my one cousin.

00:39:14.680 I think my entire family has Asperger's.

00:39:17.720 Like, my entire, like, a touch of it.

00:39:20.460 Oh.

00:39:20.920 And, like, she explained this and I was like, damn, dude, you're right, we all have Asperger's.

00:39:25.520 Yeah.

00:39:26.080 And I was like, you know, kind of, it's good to know.

00:39:28.360 Not, you know, I'm not trying to jump on the bandwagon, but it's like, I'm talking about,

00:39:31.380 like, just a tiny spider bite.

00:39:33.460 Like, a little, we definitely.

00:39:34.780 Just enough.

00:39:35.760 Just enough, dude.

00:39:36.800 Just some fucking freckles on the cerebellum.

00:39:39.520 Yeah.

00:39:40.380 Because when you go to family parties, it's just data dumps.

00:39:42.640 It's just like, you're sitting there, like, waiting to tell someone what you're into and

00:39:44.960 they're like, oh, last, this week I actually did, like, I paved a patio and everybody's

00:39:48.520 like, oh, cool, actually my podcast.

00:39:50.100 And we just, everyone just data dumps on each other and everyone's like, all right, later.

00:39:52.900 It goes home.

00:39:53.520 Yeah, I feel that, dude.

00:39:55.020 It's tight.

00:39:55.640 It's kind of nice.

00:39:57.220 Yeah, it's definitely, times are changing, things are blurring.

00:40:00.480 I mean, we have illegal aliens that are going to be the lifeguards at the swimming pool.

00:40:06.380 That guy's crazy, dude.

00:40:08.400 I almost fucking love the dude now, though.

00:40:10.540 He's like, we have so many open lifeguard positions and, hmm, so many good swimmers that

00:40:17.340 are illegal aliens.

00:40:18.240 Dude, it's such a funny.

00:40:20.260 Yeah, he didn't even have to go into that detail.

00:40:21.760 He could have been like, yeah, we're going to open it up.

00:40:23.120 Apparently, I read a book and they said we're going to have to start actually enticing immigrants.

00:40:28.320 Once we have, once the baby boomers die, RIP, we're going to have a huge population dip.

00:40:33.140 So our immigration policy in like 2040 will most likely be us begging immigrants to come

00:40:38.340 or competing with other countries who have severe population dips.

00:40:42.000 Like Europe, Canada, China is going to get crushed.

00:40:44.980 We're going to be courting immigrants from like Africa and Latin America.

00:40:47.700 Really?

00:40:48.140 Like, please come here.

00:40:49.000 Yeah, that's what the guy said.

00:40:50.620 That blows my mind.

00:40:51.420 The population dip is going to be crazy in like 40 years.

00:40:53.900 They said there's going to be houses that are just going to drop because we have so many

00:40:57.340 houses.

00:40:58.280 Once baby boomers, there's so many more baby boomers than like the other generation.

00:41:03.360 But what are you talking about?

00:41:04.340 Because people have been saying that overpopulation is going to be an issue.

00:41:06.900 That's the thing.

00:41:07.500 It's not at all.

00:41:09.040 It's not going to be whatsoever.

00:41:10.160 Well, this is the first time I'm hearing of that.

00:41:11.800 Yeah, it's kind of good news.

00:41:12.820 I mean, it's kind of cool.

00:41:13.820 Yeah, but it's also, I'm just realizing that the last time I heard it was somebody just told

00:41:17.280 me it and then now you're just telling me this.

00:41:19.480 So it's like, I'm telling you, overpopulation is a myth.

00:41:22.000 We're not going to get up over.

00:41:23.320 Is it over?

00:41:23.860 Which, what are we doing right now?

00:41:25.260 Overpopulation or underpopulation?

00:41:27.140 According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the civilian non-institutionalized population has grown

00:41:31.760 at a rate of 1.1% over the past 40 years.

00:41:34.280 Yeah, that's baby boomers.

00:41:36.240 Okay.

00:41:36.540 And then once they die, the developing world is still having kids like that, but all of

00:41:41.240 like Canada, Europe, Asia, like no one, any developed country has maybe one to two kids

00:41:46.880 per household.

00:41:47.780 And the baby boomers are having like five.

00:41:49.920 So you just do that math and it's just like the population just spikes.

00:41:52.620 The brothers are smashing though, dude.

00:41:54.240 A lot of them are definitely having some fucking kids.

00:41:56.440 Yeah, for sure.

00:41:57.240 There's definitely, you know, but they're on average.

00:41:59.340 But yeah, they're definitely, they're crushing it.

00:42:00.500 And the Mexis are smashing, dude.

00:42:02.800 Smashing up.

00:42:03.580 And they should.

00:42:04.500 Yeah.

00:42:05.220 They should.

00:42:05.700 Oh, definitely, dude.

00:42:06.900 I don't know how they do it.

00:42:07.920 Usually if I come up from a hard day's work, the last thing I want to do is fucking smash,

00:42:11.740 you know?

00:42:12.140 Yeah, it's tough.

00:42:12.780 I don't even want to jerk off sometimes.

00:42:14.300 That's how sad I am.

00:42:16.700 After a hard day at work?

00:42:17.980 Yeah, it's like I won't even jerk myself off.

00:42:20.120 It's like.

00:42:21.280 Yeah.

00:42:21.980 But I guess that's good probably.

00:42:23.740 There's nothing sadder than somebody jerking off kind of.

00:42:26.540 Yeah, it's really, it's weird, especially before work.

00:42:28.600 Jerking off before work is just like.

00:42:30.500 It's pretty tough.

00:42:31.280 First of all, if you do that, your, your whoop bracelet should let the cops know.

00:42:38.940 There's no reason.

00:42:40.860 They track you like the COVID tracker.

00:42:43.240 Everyone's phone dings like this guy just fapped.

00:42:45.700 That would be terrible.

00:42:48.160 There's no way we're far from that though.

00:42:50.280 Dude, once they get something in our body that can detect like, because we don't do a lot.

00:42:53.920 We're hungry.

00:42:54.640 We jerk off.

00:42:55.600 We have cancer, right?

00:42:56.780 It's like, we're not doing a lot of crazy shit, you know?

00:43:01.060 They could figure, and with your phone data, I'm paranoid still.

00:43:04.560 Because they say they're just looking, they're like tracking your facial expressions and what

00:43:08.180 you're looking at at all times.

00:43:09.620 Damn.

00:43:09.940 It takes one rogue engineer to be like, bang, got him.

00:43:13.320 And you're just, you on your camera like, ooh, with what you're looking at, just print

00:43:18.500 it out and they can be like, bam.

00:43:19.940 Oh, they watched you watch porn, you mean?

00:43:21.740 I mean, they could.

00:43:22.600 But apparently all of our data is being watched, but it's being watched in mass.

00:43:26.640 But you would think like, if I'm Zuck, I could definitely be like, okay, where is he at?

00:43:30.340 And get like your IP address.

00:43:31.980 If you give them your IP address, they can go on your computer from their computer.

00:43:35.720 I'm just changing mine then.

00:43:37.680 Yeah.

00:43:39.000 You gotta use a VPN, I guess, but.

00:43:40.860 Yeah, but the VPNs, a lot of them are made by Facebook in those companies.

00:43:44.560 Yeah, that makes sense.

00:43:45.760 That was like.

00:43:46.160 Of course they're going to make a VPN.

00:43:47.800 Remember Signal and all those?

00:43:48.920 Like, do you ever use those like burner phone apps on your phone?

00:43:51.220 Yeah, I still use them.

00:43:52.020 So those apparently, there was one in Europe that was like a, it was like the app to use

00:43:56.860 if you're up to like no good.

00:43:58.100 And it was just set up by the government and they caught people committing murders and ordering

00:44:02.080 hit men and shit.

00:44:03.480 It's like, yo, we got a safe line.

00:44:04.780 I need you to kill a guy.

00:44:05.720 And the government just collected all of it and just busted everybody.

00:44:09.240 It makes no sense.

00:44:10.140 It's people who sell drugs like hit me up on Signal and you're like.

00:44:13.120 Dude, they can get this.

00:44:14.640 Like, no, it's crypt.

00:44:15.460 It's encrypted.

00:44:16.060 It's like, yeah, I guess, man.

00:44:17.220 The craziest thing that happened on Signal.

00:44:18.940 I got on a Signal one time.

00:44:20.040 So I was like, you got to get on Signal.

00:44:20.960 And I accidentally hit the thing where it's like, let all your contacts know you're on

00:44:24.060 Signal or whatever.

00:44:26.900 So dude, I got for like four days.

00:44:29.800 I fucking people were like, what are you up to?

00:44:32.480 It was just crazy shit, huh?

00:44:34.600 It is funny to see who's turned.

00:44:37.200 When you open Signal, you see who of your contacts are in Signal.

00:44:39.800 You're like, all right, that's what's up.

00:44:41.340 You just get to find out who's living kind of a seedy, a little, doing something seedy.

00:44:45.440 Yeah.

00:44:45.740 Who's willing to, who's willing to risk it all.

00:44:50.340 Yeah.

00:44:50.580 There's like Signal, WeChat, but yeah, that's, and it's a funny thing.

00:44:57.360 People just have total faith and they're like, hit me up on Signal.

00:44:59.680 Yeah.

00:45:00.220 All right, man.

00:45:00.960 But dude, imagine you're screaming for help in a pool and the guy who fucking is supposed

00:45:05.580 to help you doesn't even speak English, dude.

00:45:08.040 He thinks you're just doing a fucking TikTok dance or something.

00:45:10.820 Um, I mean, they'd probably be on it though.

00:45:13.760 They would probably jump down.

00:45:16.440 Yeah.

00:45:16.820 I mean, dude, I, I, I'm all in favor of that because I've been burnt too many times by lack

00:45:20.480 of lifeguards, but it's just, God damn it.

00:45:22.460 That is such a, uh, it's such a strike politically.

00:45:25.120 It's just such a strange cause.

00:45:26.740 It's like, all right, bro, I feel you.

00:45:28.580 We can get into lifeguarding.

00:45:30.160 Yeah.

00:45:30.580 But we have, where I live, there's no lifeguards.

00:45:33.080 We have like neighborhood pools.

00:45:34.820 No lifeguards.

00:45:35.240 No lifeguards.

00:45:36.440 It's pretty tight.

00:45:38.300 Yeah.

00:45:38.740 Going to a pool by yourself.

00:45:40.180 I, dude, I remember, yeah, being at a pool by myself once and I think I got nervous or

00:45:47.060 whatever.

00:45:47.340 So I went to masturbate that, like a little pool house in there, you know, and, um, some

00:45:52.820 guy peeked in the bathroom when I was in there.

00:45:56.420 What?

00:45:56.940 Yeah.

00:45:57.320 And then I was like, Oh my God, dude, made me so nervous.

00:46:00.500 And then, um, I had to go back out and it was just me and him just swimming in the pool

00:46:05.420 together for a while, dude.

00:46:06.880 No.

00:46:07.040 Yeah.

00:46:07.260 This dude would just blatantly see me masturbating in.

00:46:09.860 Oh man.

00:46:10.840 In Atlanta.

00:46:12.360 I will say jerking off fresh out the pool kind of hits different.

00:46:16.580 If you get out of a pool and you jerk off, it's slightly different.

00:46:19.080 Something that has to do with like getting a lot of sunlight and then jerking off.

00:46:21.680 I swear by this, like leaving the beach at like lunchtime.

00:46:25.400 To jerk off.

00:46:26.140 That's insane.

00:46:26.740 Whoop bracelet.

00:46:28.480 That is.

00:46:29.040 I've done it.

00:46:29.740 I'll be honest.

00:46:30.380 I've done it.

00:46:30.760 Dude, what?

00:46:31.380 It's crazy, dude.

00:46:32.360 Skin's all warm.

00:46:33.120 It's nice.

00:46:35.620 Yeah.

00:46:36.020 I guess there is different cool times to do it, huh?

00:46:39.040 Uh, yeah.

00:46:39.400 To a full moon.

00:46:40.420 People used to do it a lot when I was growing up.

00:46:42.360 Full moon would be nice.

00:46:43.400 That would be definitely the day after that.

00:46:45.180 People would be just warped.

00:46:46.720 Fucking just did like, gave it all they had.

00:46:50.860 They're hell.

00:46:52.060 You, so, so how did you meet Shane?

00:46:53.740 Cause you and Shane started Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, which is, last year was the

00:46:57.920 highest grossing podcast on Patreon.

00:46:59.700 Yeah.

00:46:59.900 It's crazy.

00:47:00.580 It's insane.

00:47:01.160 It's unbelievable.

00:47:01.840 When you start them, I like, you check the data and they go, my God, oh my God.

00:47:04.600 Then at one point you stop checking and you see your number one.

00:47:06.880 You're like, what the fuck?

00:47:07.720 I look, it just, it's surreal.

00:47:08.720 But we met, so we were both doing standup.

00:47:11.360 It was 2014.

00:47:13.120 I had won Philly's Funniest.

00:47:14.820 He comes 2015.

00:47:16.000 So I'm like thinking I'm hot shit.

00:47:17.200 A white guy, the Caitlin Clark of Philly, huh?

00:47:19.780 Yeah.

00:47:20.260 I love it.

00:47:20.620 Well, he came in and I think he won it 2015.

00:47:23.540 So I, I, we met in 2014.

00:47:25.060 I just won it.

00:47:26.040 I'm like really feeling myself.

00:47:27.360 So I'm at a show.

00:47:28.140 It's funny.

00:47:28.520 Cause I'm like, dude, this is crazy.

00:47:30.220 So then I go to a show.

00:47:31.100 It was above an ice cream parlor.

00:47:32.720 So I'm just lording.

00:47:33.500 Yeah.

00:47:33.720 I'm lording out above the ice cream parlor.

00:47:35.520 Like leveling up literally.

00:47:36.860 Yeah.

00:47:37.140 Yeah.

00:47:37.500 It was funny too.

00:47:38.460 Cause I think the, uh, the owner was crazy.

00:47:40.500 It was a whole debacle, but so I, he had, he had just moved from, uh, Harrisburg and no

00:47:48.120 one knew who he was.

00:47:48.820 So he came from Harrisburg and I'm watching him and he was headlining and I'm going to

00:47:52.520 come on a horseback or something.

00:47:53.640 I mean, the story of Shane Gillis has to be, well, it was crazy.

00:47:56.440 Cause again, never seen him ever in my life.

00:47:58.720 Yeah.

00:47:59.100 Watching him do standup in 2014 and I'm going, holy fuck, this dude is so fun.

00:48:03.920 And he had, back then I remember specifically, he did a joke.

00:48:06.400 I don't remember what it was exactly.

00:48:08.360 It was a very sensitive topic, lost the crowd.

00:48:11.400 And I was like, Oh, I guess he's done dude.

00:48:13.360 Two minutes later, crowds cracking up.

00:48:14.880 You brought him back.

00:48:15.500 And I was like, Whoa.

00:48:17.120 And then we started talking after that.

00:48:18.720 Like a famous burr set in Philly.

00:48:21.100 It was good.

00:48:21.820 It was crazy.

00:48:22.760 And then he, uh, he, we like started talking after the show.

00:48:26.780 I was like, dude, that was awesome.

00:48:27.700 And then he showed me a video of a guy getting eaten by a bear.

00:48:30.660 And then I showed him a video of a guy jumping off a roof and we just totally clicked up.

00:48:34.840 So that was for real.

00:48:35.860 That's how we met.

00:48:36.660 And then we started, we got a house together with a couple other comedians, like pretty

00:48:41.260 shortly afterwards.

00:48:42.420 See, and girls say guys are hard to figure out.

00:48:44.740 I feel like it's like, meet me above an ice cream parlor.

00:48:48.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:48:48.920 Show me a video of something eating something else.

00:48:52.080 I'll show you a video of an animal attacking something.

00:48:54.900 Dude, and we're good.

00:48:55.780 And let's start a family.

00:48:56.700 Yeah.

00:48:56.900 And I was like divorced, freshly divorced, air mattress.

00:48:59.960 I think actually we met before I'd gotten totally divorced.

00:49:02.720 Did you lose a lot of stuff in the divorce?

00:49:04.380 I had nothing.

00:49:05.540 Fuck yeah.

00:49:05.940 Yeah.

00:49:06.080 I always hear people like, oh, she took so much from me.

00:49:08.980 And I'm like, bro, I had no, it was embarrassing.

00:49:11.140 I wish I lost stuff in the divorce, dude.

00:49:12.740 I had nothing.

00:49:13.560 You're still sending her stuff every now and then.

00:49:16.560 I should, man.

00:49:17.420 It was real.

00:49:17.880 It's fucked up.

00:49:18.920 But I just didn't, I didn't have anything.

00:49:20.440 But I like, do you remember the day you left in the divorce?

00:49:23.040 Dude, it's the saddest day.

00:49:24.140 It's for real the saddest.

00:49:25.060 Cause she's a nice, she was a nice lady.

00:49:26.520 She sounds beautiful.

00:49:27.780 She was a very nice lady.

00:49:29.220 I just, I couldn't do it, dude.

00:49:30.900 Like it was one of those things where I was living a life that it wasn't my life.

00:49:34.780 It's the only way I can explain it.

00:49:35.840 Like I wasn't, I was meant to do other stuff.

00:49:37.900 I could feel it.

00:49:38.540 And it was just like, I tried my best to get jobs.

00:49:42.300 And I'm like, dude, I can go the straight and narrow.

00:49:44.560 Let's get a regular job.

00:49:45.600 That's all I want to do.

00:49:46.400 My dad was like that.

00:49:47.220 Like have work at a place, come home, have kids.

00:49:49.440 I was all for that.

00:49:50.920 I just couldn't, I was like warped.

00:49:52.020 I couldn't do it.

00:49:52.780 I tried.

00:49:53.500 So you really tried.

00:49:54.700 You made as much of an effort as you could.

00:49:56.220 As I could, but I learned I was severely handicapped in terms of like relating to like,

00:50:01.720 I didn't, you don't realize how bad it is until you live with a woman for, you know,

00:50:05.380 a couple of years.

00:50:06.140 Handicapped at what?

00:50:06.800 I'm sorry.

00:50:07.060 I stepped on you.

00:50:07.560 Like emotional relation and trying to like, like see things from other people's perspectives.

00:50:11.760 Like I was totally unequipped, but the day I left Frill was one of the saddest, it

00:50:15.780 was like the saddest things ever.

00:50:16.880 It was like, I was crying.

00:50:18.280 Where were you?

00:50:19.300 I was in Roxborough.

00:50:20.420 So in Philadelphia, like just some area of Philly.

00:50:22.380 It was cool.

00:50:22.800 I liked the house.

00:50:23.380 We had a dog.

00:50:23.720 I liked, yeah.

00:50:24.240 We had a dog together.

00:50:25.100 Fuck.

00:50:25.340 And who did the dog come in your car or stayed?

00:50:27.440 It stayed.

00:50:27.900 It was her dog.

00:50:28.420 It was her dog first.

00:50:30.140 To be fair.

00:50:30.880 But, uh, yeah, she was, she was really nice, man.

00:50:32.720 It was just like.

00:50:33.120 Did you talk about taking the dog?

00:50:34.460 No, man.

00:50:34.980 I wasn't going to do that.

00:50:35.920 That would have been heartless to be like.

00:50:37.620 When you said bye, like, was there a hug?

00:50:39.480 What was that kind of like final kind of moment like?

00:50:41.640 Just sad.

00:50:42.220 It was just like goodbye.

00:50:43.980 You know.

00:50:44.420 Did she come out and walk you out or you said bye inside?

00:50:46.480 She was kicking around.

00:50:47.820 So it was kind of like there was a last glance and it was, it was real.

00:50:50.460 It was like, it's etched into my memory as one of like the saddest days of my life.

00:50:53.200 Fuck.

00:50:53.640 Because I had never really felt anything about stuff like that.

00:50:56.160 Like my relationships before that were like, I would just develop a girlfriend.

00:51:00.220 Like we would just be like hooking up and then I'd be like, oh fuck, I got a girlfriend.

00:51:03.760 And then, you know, it was like very, very disassociated.

00:51:06.200 I'd just go through the motions.

00:51:07.320 This, I was like trying to put my best foot forward.

00:51:09.620 That was like the first time I really, like I was like, oh, I get what people are talking

00:51:12.360 about like with experiencing like serious heartbreak and all that stuff.

00:51:15.860 Just burnt you down.

00:51:16.940 Yeah.

00:51:17.180 Crushed me.

00:51:17.680 It, for real, it, it, it fucking crushed me.

00:51:19.520 Were you crying before you got in the car or did you get in?

00:51:21.500 I was crying.

00:51:22.240 I was crying on the way when I left.

00:51:24.560 I wasn't crying before I got in the car and then I was crying on the way.

00:51:27.180 It's hard to get the key in the thing sometimes if you're really fucking crying.

00:51:29.520 Yeah, dude, I was crying.

00:51:30.340 And to get the first, get in reverse and all that shit.

00:51:32.180 It was brutal.

00:51:32.660 I'd wait till I'm in Ford before I cry.

00:51:34.060 Yeah.

00:51:34.280 And then I had to walk the dog every day because I was like, look, I'll come up and walk the dog

00:51:37.320 while you're at work.

00:51:37.860 Like, don't, I didn't want her to stress about anything.

00:51:39.680 So I would came back, go back in the house during work.

00:51:42.060 No one would be there.

00:51:42.720 And I'd walk the dog and it was just, just consumed with guilt and just horrible feelings.

00:51:48.060 Just wandering through your old life like a fucking ghost.

00:51:50.240 Yeah, for real.

00:51:51.040 And I'd, why I love the dog too.

00:51:52.440 And the dog looked, did you, did the dog know you think?

00:51:55.240 I don't know.

00:51:56.140 It was definitely pumped to see me.

00:51:57.200 It was always kind of pumped to see me, but I, I don't know.

00:51:59.140 I couldn't tell.

00:51:59.800 I sound like it was maybe an SAE or something.

00:52:02.660 What's SAE?

00:52:03.460 Sigma Alpha Epsilon.

00:52:04.380 It just sounds like the dog was in a frat or something.

00:52:05.800 Like it didn't have any fucking, it was just pumped to see you guys.

00:52:09.800 It was pumped.

00:52:10.920 Okay.

00:52:11.200 I would take it for a nice walk.

00:52:12.640 Oh yeah, it's definitely a pike or something.

00:52:13.480 It was definitely a pike.

00:52:16.100 But yeah, it was for real.

00:52:17.120 It was a big eye opener for me though, man.

00:52:18.380 That's when I started being like, okay, like there's, because when you're younger, you're

00:52:21.620 just so in your own head where you're like, I'm the only person with feelings that matter

00:52:24.800 in this world.

00:52:25.320 And then you like really encounter like the depths of somebody else's and you're like, oh, this

00:52:28.680 is like serious to like, just fuck around with people's lives.

00:52:32.000 So it was a big eye opener for me.

00:52:33.520 So I did the air mattress on my brother's house for a while.

00:52:35.800 That's heavy, dude.

00:52:36.880 It reminds me, I was in love with a girl in high school, right?

00:52:41.400 When I was a senior and I was in there and I remember I decided I was going to go away

00:52:45.940 to school with the University of Arizona.

00:52:48.020 And some people that when I, where I'm from had never even heard of Arizona, right?

00:52:51.300 They didn't believe in it.

00:52:52.900 People like I showed her on a map and they just, you know, they just called me a map.

00:52:56.740 You know, like it was crazy.

00:53:00.040 Some of the stuff that was happening.

00:53:01.200 And I remember just like, she and I were like crying, like in her living room or whatever.

00:53:07.980 Yeah.

00:53:09.100 Oh, her mom let me, this was crazy.

00:53:10.960 Her mom let me stay over the last night I was there, right?

00:53:14.380 Mm-hmm.

00:53:15.000 But her mom's like, no funny business.

00:53:16.940 You guys can sleep in the same room, like in the family room, right?

00:53:21.320 What's that about?

00:53:22.520 I don't know, dude, but here's the crazy part.

00:53:24.440 So anyway, somebody started some funny business and then I'm walking to go get some water or

00:53:32.900 something or get some piss out of my wiener or something.

00:53:35.560 And her mom's sitting right there in a chair.

00:53:39.900 What?

00:53:40.700 Yeah.

00:53:42.560 Fuck, man.

00:53:43.520 Still feel horrible about that.

00:53:45.000 And I, you could see that my wiener was still like wiener.

00:53:47.860 Yeah.

00:53:48.100 You're pumped up.

00:53:48.960 Yeah.

00:53:49.640 Oh God.

00:53:50.580 My wiener was like, it's a party, it's a party, it's a party.

00:53:53.480 And I was young, you know, huh?

00:53:55.780 Did you say anything?

00:53:56.580 No, but I still feel how she felt.

00:53:59.200 Yeah.

00:53:59.540 I can still feel it.

00:54:00.560 But she loved me.

00:54:01.420 She loved, the mom loved me.

00:54:02.720 And so she had like some respect for me.

00:54:04.780 She knew that I really loved her daughter.

00:54:06.660 That's warped though, that she knew what you guys were, you know, she has to have some sense.

00:54:10.180 But at least she was close enough there in the distance, almost like a bait, like a bird

00:54:13.760 mom, you know?

00:54:14.960 Like, hey, I'm going to hang, I'm going to, you can stay in the nest, but I'm going to be right

00:54:18.300 here on the branch.

00:54:20.000 Just in case anybody falls out and breaks a wing or something.

00:54:22.620 True.

00:54:22.660 Yeah, she's going to rush in and be like, yo, slow down.

00:54:24.300 Yeah, just in case somebody fucking, yeah.

00:54:26.760 I have to put a worm in the wrong place, you know?

00:54:29.640 But what happened was then I, the next day I told her, buy it, like this gas station was

00:54:34.000 this big sad thing.

00:54:35.200 And we're both like bawling, crying, dude.

00:54:37.360 Yeah, fuck.

00:54:38.240 And then I drove off and my fucking car overheated like 600 feet from the gas station, dude.

00:54:42.780 And I had to fucking call her dad to come help me, dude.

00:54:47.080 That fucking sucks.

00:54:48.760 Because when your car overheats, you think if I drive faster, it starts to cool down your engine.

00:54:52.960 But yeah, that shit sucks.

00:54:54.640 That's embarrassing.

00:54:55.580 Oh, it was horrible, dude.

00:54:57.120 I remember pouring cold water through the fucking air vents trying to get it in that way.

00:55:01.760 I've tried to do that a bunch of times.

00:55:03.320 It sucks, man.

00:55:03.960 It just drips out.

00:55:04.940 Just, yeah, that shit of just that heartbreak, dude.

00:55:07.580 Yeah, I had a real low point the one day when I was, Shane was laughing about this when I

00:55:12.280 was telling him, but I like, I had a real low point driving home the one day from walking

00:55:16.380 the dog.

00:55:16.860 I'm crying.

00:55:17.300 I would cry every day.

00:55:18.180 I'm crying on the way home, driving down Kelly Drive.

00:55:20.120 And that's like in Philly, that's a big like outdoor green area.

00:55:22.360 People jog up and down there.

00:55:23.420 And some dude have really short shorts on.

00:55:25.520 And I like, I stopped at a light and he like looked in the car and I looked at him and was

00:55:28.240 like, f*** you.

00:55:30.760 Yeah.

00:55:31.040 I was crying.

00:55:32.520 Oh, that's the Philadelphia national anthem, dude.

00:55:34.760 I know.

00:55:35.460 Calling some other dude a f***ing.

00:55:37.920 Well, he was like looking in the car and I was like, f***, what are you looking at?

00:55:42.340 Like tried to slam his shorts and I was just visibly bawling and I was like, it's a low

00:55:46.100 point.

00:55:46.400 I remember just being like, what the f*** was that all about, dude?

00:55:48.520 Dude, a straight dude crying, that's a hot dude to a gay dude, bro.

00:55:51.480 True, true.

00:55:52.300 He was probably just a dude wearing regular athletic gear.

00:55:54.220 He might not even be gay.

00:55:55.120 Yeah, that's true.

00:55:55.900 I like to think I didn't hate crime with a guy while I was crying, but I think he was straight

00:55:58.940 as hell.

00:55:59.780 That guy was so straight.

00:56:00.800 He said short shorts.

00:56:01.880 I was fucking crying.

00:56:04.740 Yeah.

00:56:05.080 Oh, obviously he's in the wrong.

00:56:06.820 Yeah.

00:56:09.060 Dude, I remember one time I was driving and I'd been drinking, right?

00:56:11.980 Because it was, I think it was daytime or whatever.

00:56:14.320 And I'm cruising and the cop had pulled somebody else over on the side of the road and he sees

00:56:20.380 me literally just drinking out of a taco vodka bottle.

00:56:24.060 No shirt, dude, right?

00:56:25.540 Just ripping it in a 1984 Ford Escort that had the passenger seat stolen out of it, right?

00:56:32.820 So anyway, I'm cruising, dude.

00:56:35.220 He points at me.

00:56:36.000 He's like, pull over, dude.

00:56:37.140 Yeah, right.

00:56:38.160 He's like, he's dealing with that ticket.

00:56:40.620 So I pull over.

00:56:41.500 Oh, no.

00:56:41.880 Right?

00:56:42.380 And then I'm like, fuck this, dude.

00:56:44.060 I'm out of here.

00:56:45.700 And then I just pulled off, dude.

00:56:47.580 You got away?

00:56:48.160 Yeah.

00:56:48.420 They never called me.

00:56:49.400 That's funny.

00:56:50.140 He was like, yes, come here.

00:56:50.880 I'm going to give you a DUI when I'm done with this.

00:56:52.900 Dude, a lot of guys get away from cops.

00:56:54.440 I've heard of a couple of people, but no, I just take off.

00:56:56.540 And it's like, I'm surprised.

00:56:57.680 I thought everyone gets called who does that.

00:56:59.320 But yeah, people get away.

00:57:00.680 Yeah, a lot of cops want you to just get home safely, I think, in the end.

00:57:04.960 Yeah.

00:57:05.360 And sometimes they gauge on how to do it.

00:57:08.120 That's so funny just to be like, fuck this.

00:57:09.680 I'm out of here.

00:57:10.780 So you said this would be the summer of you.

00:57:13.520 But then you remembered you have kids.

00:57:15.460 And now you spend every sunny day at water parks and petting zoos.

00:57:19.360 So be it.

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01:00:10.260 So you, um, so you, you and Shane start the podcast.

01:00:15.300 You met in Philly and Shane, you and Shane start the podcast in Philly or in Philly.

01:00:19.480 Yeah.

01:00:19.740 In Philly.

01:00:20.440 And then he, at one point he went to New York because I had, I like got to the space where I was like,

01:00:25.860 I like podcasting better than standup because I was just frustrated.

01:00:28.620 We're the same city all the time.

01:00:29.860 I'm in Philadelphia doing the same shows all the time.

01:00:32.240 And I like either host or feature.

01:00:34.580 I think I was back then.

01:00:35.280 I might've been featuring.

01:00:35.980 I forget, but it was like the same thing.

01:00:37.320 I'd meet a headliner.

01:00:38.260 They'd be miserable.

01:00:39.600 And I'm like, is this, is this my fate?

01:00:41.040 Like, it's just like you just, cause a lot of the headliners I met hosting were for real miserable.

01:00:44.940 Yeah.

01:00:45.200 Like very sad, very disgruntled.

01:00:46.880 And I'd be like, whatever.

01:00:48.220 So I got disillusioned with standup and I was like, I just want to do podcasting.

01:00:51.200 And then at one point I was like, I want to pursue psychology.

01:00:54.100 So when he went to New York, I went back and got my master's in social work because I did again.

01:00:59.500 I was like, dude, I think you dropped back in and got it.

01:01:01.920 But yeah, if I, and it's, this is the way my mind works.

01:01:04.780 I was like, I want to get back into psychology.

01:01:06.060 What's the easiest way to do it?

01:01:07.320 To do like talk therapy.

01:01:08.280 And I looked it up in social work.

01:01:09.780 If you get your master's and then work under somebody, you can get licensed and open your

01:01:13.020 own practice.

01:01:13.680 Wow.

01:01:14.400 So I went to school for social work while Shane was kind of blowing up in New York and

01:01:17.940 we're still doing the podcast.

01:01:18.960 I was still doing that.

01:01:19.600 You're doing it by train or something every now and then?

01:01:21.480 He would come to Philly back then.

01:01:23.060 Yeah.

01:01:23.400 It was crazy.

01:01:24.100 That's hard.

01:01:24.620 It's insane because I, and then eventually I started driving in New York, but for a while

01:01:28.300 he was coming to Philly every week and I was just kind of like, okay, cool.

01:01:31.100 I didn't, I didn't make that drive like that.

01:01:32.700 So when I started driving to New York, I was like, dude, you were doing this for two years.

01:01:35.600 It's insane.

01:01:36.320 He did it for a long time.

01:01:37.260 Did it for like a year or two.

01:01:38.420 No way.

01:01:38.940 Yeah, man.

01:01:39.420 He's the man.

01:01:40.120 That is a hard thing.

01:01:41.760 People don't understand that type of a commute.

01:01:43.920 That's insane commute.

01:01:45.020 I mean, how far is that commute?

01:01:47.820 Two hours on a good day.

01:01:49.600 And if it gets traffic, you're kind of like two hours, 33.

01:01:54.120 Yeah, it sucks.

01:01:54.960 It's a hellish and it's through the worst parts of New Jersey, like, like heavy industrial.

01:01:59.960 It stinks.

01:02:00.700 Oh yeah, dude.

01:02:01.680 It's awful.

01:02:01.920 It's a, it's for real an awful, awful drive.

01:02:05.960 Fuck yeah.

01:02:07.120 Yeah.

01:02:07.340 It's two hours and 12.

01:02:08.980 That's like normal.

01:02:09.860 That traffic up there near like the bridges and shit.

01:02:12.960 And then in, you know, in New York, I'm sure you know, you just sit in fucking traffic.

01:02:16.540 Yeah.

01:02:16.780 You just sit in there fucking furious looking at somebody else and that, and that guy's

01:02:22.240 crying and he calls you a, the audacity.

01:02:27.380 It's crazy to call you a, it's unbelievable.

01:02:30.400 He must've just laughed like, all right, man, whatever that guy's got going on.

01:02:33.660 Everybody nowadays just calls everybody a, it's like, I feel like if you try to do CPR,

01:02:37.400 somebody's dying, right?

01:02:38.760 And they're like, get off me.

01:02:43.180 They'd rather die.

01:02:45.100 They'll use their last breath these days, especially in New Jersey, dude.

01:02:48.220 Somebody will use their last breath to call somebody a.

01:02:50.760 Oh yeah.

01:02:51.380 It was, I mean, it was, that was heavy.

01:02:52.900 Dude was polite back then.

01:02:54.200 That was like, you have, you know, that was like the handkerchief around your neck being

01:02:56.640 like, you know, that's like, that's like kind of, look at this beautiful.

01:02:59.940 But no, man, he, I did, I went to school for social work and then it was funny cause I'm

01:03:06.660 doing it and I was kind of, again, like confronting the fact that like, oh, I can't

01:03:09.760 really be a normal, polite society.

01:03:11.260 Cause you go into like, you drop into like a regular like job type place and you feel

01:03:16.060 like an alien, especially the longer you do standup and other things.

01:03:18.460 It's like, you just feel out of place.

01:03:20.460 So I did it and I liked it.

01:03:21.640 It was cool.

01:03:21.980 It was a cool experience, but it was like very, uh, you know, like Jordan Peterson came

01:03:26.620 out and it was like, the schools are out of control.

01:03:28.180 They're losing her.

01:03:28.800 Dude, I also would watch a lot of Jordan Peterson at the time.

01:03:31.460 And I was like, I'm kind of curious to see if that's real.

01:03:33.700 So I, and then when I went back to school, I was like, dude, he was totally right.

01:03:36.320 It was insane.

01:03:37.620 Just how like, um, woke they gotten.

01:03:39.480 Oh dude, it was great.

01:03:40.320 Like you'd be in class and a lady for no reason would just be like, well, we'd be talking about

01:03:44.280 like social issues and she'd be like, I would never call the cops on a black guy

01:03:47.500 ever.

01:03:47.960 And I'd be sitting there and I'm like, I couldn't help it.

01:03:50.280 I'd be like ever.

01:03:51.240 What if he was beating up a woman?

01:03:52.280 Like why ever?

01:03:53.040 It's crazy.

01:03:53.520 So I would get in a lot of those kinds of arguments in school and then, and I'll even

01:03:57.640 text the cops.

01:03:58.360 I'm even meeting a black guy sometimes.

01:04:00.640 The what?

01:04:01.120 I'll text the cops.

01:04:02.160 True.

01:04:02.480 But yo, just so you know.

01:04:03.480 Yeah.

01:04:05.180 FYI, meeting a couple of brothers.

01:04:06.940 Yeah.

01:04:07.300 Just chill.

01:04:07.660 I'll keep you updated.

01:04:11.300 Dude, it was crazy.

01:04:12.300 I went there and it was just, you know, it was that kind of stuff.

01:04:14.220 And I'm like, all right, keep your head down and chill, but I couldn't help it.

01:04:16.000 I kept like arguing with people in class.

01:04:17.860 It was kind of fun, honestly.

01:04:19.320 And then, uh, dude, it's still like 24 year olds being like, this is what I think.

01:04:23.620 And you'd be like, you, that's what you fucking, and you could just smash them.

01:04:26.180 Yeah.

01:04:26.340 That's what you fucking think.

01:04:27.580 I'm fucking with that ice cream, Paula.

01:04:29.360 Yeah, dude.

01:04:29.740 You don't know shit about the world.

01:04:32.260 You've ever fucking broken your heart in somebody else's?

01:04:36.120 But no, then I, I did that.

01:04:37.240 And then Shane got the SNL thing right at the tail end of my schooling.

01:04:40.800 And were you bummed about that or excited?

01:04:42.240 I was pumped.

01:04:42.880 It was fucking, I've always been stoked like that.

01:04:44.960 But the, when he got, when he got the SNL, I was like, hell yeah.

01:04:48.760 And he goes, buckle up.

01:04:49.980 They're going through the podcast.

01:04:51.260 And I was like, I didn't know what he was talking about.

01:04:53.260 And I'm like, yeah, whatever.

01:04:53.880 It's not that bad.

01:04:54.880 And then they, that whole thing blew up.

01:04:57.760 So I was like in school, like, cause I, it, I would get mentioned in bylines of like podcasts

01:05:02.940 with, and nobody put it together until very, towards the very end, a girl in my class had

01:05:07.200 read the article and was like, that's you.

01:05:09.360 And they try to kick me out of school.

01:05:10.820 That guy hates Chinese people or whatever.

01:05:12.460 Yeah.

01:05:12.720 And, and all the proof was, you know, I had been arguing against their, you know, in my

01:05:17.440 idea, you know, it was kind of like unrealistic liberal value.

01:05:19.960 So I'd been like, you guys don't know shit about anything.

01:05:22.120 Fuck that.

01:05:22.720 Fuck that.

01:05:23.020 And I'd been arguing the flip side of their coin the entire time.

01:05:25.680 So when they saw that, they're like, bingo.

01:05:27.440 And they tried to kick me out.

01:05:28.740 And then we had a smoking gun.

01:05:30.240 Yeah, they got me.

01:05:31.140 But it was like, uh, and then I, I had to stay.

01:05:33.860 It was honestly one of my favorite experiences ever.

01:05:35.740 I had to go before the board of the school and I got to do one of those like trial by.

01:05:39.240 Ooh, that's cool, man.

01:05:40.280 It's just other adults.

01:05:41.080 You know, it's, I've been looking forward to that.

01:05:42.560 It's like, you wore a suit.

01:05:43.800 No, I just wore my regular clothes, but it's like that court fantasy where you get to like

01:05:47.460 do your, represent yourself in court.

01:05:49.000 Open your briefcase, nothing in there.

01:05:51.560 So I had to have that experience.

01:05:52.640 Two waters in there.

01:05:54.420 Two Fiji's.

01:05:55.660 So I got to do that.

01:05:56.760 And then, uh, no, and then it was just like, I finished, I, you know, COVID happened.

01:06:01.200 So like everything kind of just chilled.

01:06:02.400 We finished the last month or so online anyway.

01:06:04.500 So it was like, yeah, that was cool.

01:06:06.500 Did you believe in COVID or not at the time?

01:06:08.120 No, I didn't, I didn't do, I didn't.

01:06:09.680 My whole family didn't either.

01:06:10.780 Like my mom was like, like, let's hang outside that one time.

01:06:15.280 And then after that, she was like, come inside.

01:06:16.660 This is bold.

01:06:17.040 None of my family got vaccinated.

01:06:18.200 Like none of my mom, my uncles, nobody got it except for like anyone who worked in the

01:06:22.760 medical field.

01:06:23.480 Dude, I had a buddy broken with CVS and got like 30 inoculations that he was addicted

01:06:28.100 to, um, inoculations or whatever, dude, this motherfucker hasn't had a sniffle in like

01:06:35.060 six years, dude.

01:06:36.240 He's good.

01:06:36.720 He's set.

01:06:37.280 Oh, this guy.

01:06:38.020 Yeah.

01:06:38.240 I was just sketched out by the whole thing.

01:06:39.700 I was like, dude, it's new.

01:06:40.600 I'm like, I'm already, I'm like a hypochondriac as it is.

01:06:43.260 And I'm like, I'm way less scared of viruses and like medical intervention.

01:06:46.880 I don't know why.

01:06:46.980 First, I didn't think it was real.

01:06:48.700 Yeah.

01:06:49.340 But then I'm like, oh, people are really dying.

01:06:51.240 So there must be something real.

01:06:52.820 But then also it seemed like that they messed up and killed a lot of people with respirators

01:06:56.580 that would not have died.

01:06:57.820 Yeah.

01:06:58.000 I remember hearing about that.

01:06:59.220 Yeah.

01:06:59.460 I got, did you get it?

01:07:00.800 I don't know if I got it or not.

01:07:02.840 I remember I couldn't smell for about 11 months, but I don't know.

01:07:06.300 But oh yeah.

01:07:06.780 And I had the antibodies when I went to Rogan's one time I got tested.

01:07:09.580 I had the antibodies, so I must have had it.

01:07:12.180 That's tight.

01:07:12.740 Yeah.

01:07:12.860 You probably got it at some point.

01:07:14.060 But yeah, I got it.

01:07:15.040 I got rocked.

01:07:15.880 But it was only for like two days.

01:07:17.980 It was a bad fever.

01:07:18.900 And then I coughed up like weird liquids for like a month.

01:07:22.340 Then I was fine.

01:07:23.540 So.

01:07:24.180 Yeah.

01:07:24.400 My wife was pregnant at the time.

01:07:25.680 So I'm like.

01:07:26.180 Your wife was pregnant.

01:07:26.860 She was pregnant.

01:07:27.400 So then it was kind of a medical experiment.

01:07:29.180 Like, should I get it?

01:07:29.960 And like, I'm like, I don't know what this shit is.

01:07:31.100 So we were all just like, dude, let's just chill.

01:07:32.580 Take a chill.

01:07:33.160 Let's get the fucking antibodies.

01:07:34.860 And you have.

01:07:37.260 I've met you.

01:07:37.860 You have a darker wife.

01:07:39.340 Yeah.

01:07:39.680 Pretty much.

01:07:40.360 Yeah.

01:07:40.820 Safe to say that.

01:07:41.920 Safe to say.

01:07:42.960 Yeah.

01:07:44.120 Beautiful lady.

01:07:44.940 Very charming.

01:07:48.140 Bridget.

01:07:48.540 Is that her name?

01:07:49.720 Brittany.

01:07:50.640 Brittany.

01:07:51.160 Yeah.

01:07:52.160 Brittany.

01:07:52.660 Is that her name?

01:07:53.280 Yeah.

01:07:53.500 Um, yeah.

01:07:58.240 Was that, did that, and did like just growing up in Philly lead you to that, you think?

01:08:03.240 Dude, I don't know.

01:08:04.200 Kind of a chocolatey bride kind of?

01:08:05.620 Since I was a little kid, it's almost, there's, my only theory is, because in grade school,

01:08:10.580 I like dated a Mexican lady.

01:08:11.900 I, and I've dated everybody.

01:08:13.060 I've dated, you know, like white ladies, everything.

01:08:15.180 But that was definitely, you know, that was something I was drawn to were black women forever.

01:08:19.540 But my only theory is my mom was like super Christian.

01:08:22.400 She still is.

01:08:23.380 Super Catholic.

01:08:24.100 So she blocked like MTV, VH1, all the music channels.

01:08:27.360 Except for?

01:08:28.280 BET.

01:08:28.760 Because she didn't know it existed.

01:08:30.360 So that was the only music channel I had growing up.

01:08:32.800 So in my formative years, I just watched rap video after rap video.

01:08:35.960 And I think it might have had some sort of effect.

01:08:38.320 Yeah.

01:08:38.760 So that's my only thing.

01:08:39.500 Bitch better have my money.

01:08:41.820 Um, that's, yeah.

01:08:43.340 Wow, that's so interesting, dude.

01:08:46.140 Yeah, dude.

01:08:46.960 I remember I made love to a woman who was pretty much black.

01:08:50.580 Right.

01:08:50.860 And, uh, yeah, it was definitely, there was like more in the, um, muscle or something.

01:09:00.860 I don't know.

01:09:01.420 Yeah.

01:09:01.620 You felt you were impressed by the experience.

01:09:03.060 What do you say?

01:09:03.540 Pretty much.

01:09:04.140 You was like, what do you, she said she was black.

01:09:06.260 I believed her.

01:09:07.020 True.

01:09:08.300 True.

01:09:09.360 You know, I'm not, yeah, I'm not fucking looking at paperwork or whatever.

01:09:12.440 I'm not fucking proving.

01:09:13.680 You know?

01:09:14.180 Yeah, no, it's.

01:09:15.000 My boot bracelet was like, bleak.

01:09:16.560 You know?

01:09:17.040 It pops up on there.

01:09:18.520 Yeah, I just, you know what, for me, I, I, they, they definitely won out for me as well.

01:09:21.980 They won my heart.

01:09:23.120 Collectively, they won my heart.

01:09:24.080 Really?

01:09:24.400 Yeah.

01:09:24.760 I just, I, I don't know what it was, man.

01:09:26.360 It was just like.

01:09:27.160 Yeah.

01:09:27.540 You like what you like, you know?

01:09:28.760 Oh yeah.

01:09:29.460 I think I was afraid probably of black girls growing up.

01:09:31.920 They had a lot of the black girls in our town and stuff would get knocked up by the black

01:09:35.660 guys at a young age.

01:09:37.060 Yeah.

01:09:37.420 So all of our black girls disappeared at around 13 years old and got pregnant.

01:09:42.660 Yeah.

01:09:42.840 And then they come back and they're just different or they just like, um, yeah, they have a child

01:09:49.900 now or they have like baby milk on their shoulder or whatever.

01:09:53.400 Um, and also I think they had to defend themselves against like, uh, like black, like dudes in

01:09:59.960 their town or whatever that were like trying to, you know, get with them when they were

01:10:02.880 young.

01:10:03.440 Yeah.

01:10:03.760 So I think they were more into the whole like communicating with guys nature.

01:10:08.200 So I think like a lot of times they would, um, like they were just more advanced, like

01:10:14.660 the black kids in our school were more sexually advanced.

01:10:16.800 They just had sex earlier and stuff.

01:10:18.500 So I think that was intimidating.

01:10:20.360 The black girls were intimidating because they had more experience.

01:10:24.740 Yeah.

01:10:24.880 It's funny.

01:10:25.420 Sometimes you talk to a black guy.

01:10:26.500 He's like, I got hit when I was 10 and you're like, what?

01:10:28.960 Like, for real?

01:10:32.340 Yeah.

01:10:32.680 Sorry, dude.

01:10:33.340 It's okay.

01:10:34.000 This place just went out of business.

01:10:35.180 We're good.

01:10:37.720 It's true.

01:10:38.340 You do hear that a lot.

01:10:39.280 You're not wrong.

01:10:39.960 Sorry.

01:10:40.280 Yeah.

01:10:40.400 You're fine.

01:10:41.260 It is crazy.

01:10:42.100 I'm not thinking yet when you're, bro, if somebody put my wiener, okay, that God made for

01:10:47.480 me that I kept in my pants for him, if somebody put that in their mouth and I was 10 years

01:10:53.080 old, dude, oh my God, I would have fricking, oh, I would have lit a fire in our yard and

01:10:58.260 made smoke signals for God to come help us.

01:11:02.300 It's over.

01:11:03.200 It's over.

01:11:03.820 It would, I would, I don't know how it's crazy.

01:11:06.380 I would have hit him with a wrench or something.

01:11:07.980 I just, that would have scared me so much.

01:11:11.500 So that's what's so, but yeah, so that was kind of crazy.

01:11:13.800 Sorry, I don't know if I spit on you or not, but it's good anyway, um, yeah, that, yeah,

01:11:19.400 that, that, that, that kind of stuff's pretty crazy.

01:11:21.580 And then, um, I know I get the intimidation factor I do get, but I, I always, uh, whenever

01:11:27.800 I have, I like, we'll see people and I always just assume I always see like softer sides

01:11:31.540 of it.

01:11:31.720 It's something I've had my whole life where I'll like, I can see like, kind of like, I

01:11:35.180 don't know.

01:11:35.540 I always can see people softer nature because people present one way, then you're like with

01:11:39.180 them.

01:11:39.560 Oh yeah.

01:11:39.820 It's like, it's totally different thing.

01:11:40.980 Oh, I would marry a black lady, I believe, or semi-black or whatever.

01:11:44.400 For sure.

01:11:44.920 Off black.

01:11:45.620 I mean, there's so many, I mean, I've long been of the belief that, um, we're gonna,

01:11:51.260 it's, it's a beige future, right?

01:11:52.980 In four generations, everybody's going to be beige.

01:11:56.020 Yeah.

01:11:56.620 Everybody that's still alive or whatever.

01:11:58.200 We're all going to be beige bitcoins.

01:12:00.780 Um, you know, that we'll have no sense of faith or hope anymore, but that's where we'll

01:12:06.580 be.

01:12:07.020 True.

01:12:07.300 Um, at least we'll be able to text each other online.

01:12:09.960 True.

01:12:10.680 So.

01:12:11.180 I think, I think we might be in for like a massive spiritual awakening though.

01:12:15.020 It's coming.

01:12:15.820 Well, there's a rumbling.

01:12:16.880 I can, I can detect rumblings.

01:12:18.240 I like that attitude, man.

01:12:19.640 Um, there was one thing I was going to say, uh, what were we just talking about?

01:12:24.900 Um, being married, having a black wife.

01:12:28.720 Mm-hmm.

01:12:29.760 Um, oh, uh, yeah.

01:12:32.300 I would date a black woman.

01:12:33.480 I would marry a black woman.

01:12:35.520 Um, I would date a black woman, dude.

01:12:37.920 I would probably maybe marry a black woman, you know?

01:12:40.140 Like, I don't, I think when I was a kid, I thought that that wasn't a real possibility

01:12:43.760 or anything.

01:12:44.340 That makes sense, yeah.

01:12:44.980 But as an adult, I see that, oh, that's a possibility.

01:12:47.440 Like, I think also just from where I was from, they didn't have like a lot of interracial

01:12:51.140 dating at the time, you know?

01:12:52.580 It was, it was even like, you know, I lived in like the, I lived in the Philadelphia suburbs.

01:12:56.440 So it was like very, very, very white where I was growing up.

01:12:59.260 But like, even in college, uh, some of my friends would come up to me and be like, that's

01:13:04.520 crazy, dude.

01:13:05.220 They like couldn't wrap their head around it.

01:13:06.540 And it wasn't like a hateful thing.

01:13:07.900 They're just like, it was just a mind blower.

01:13:09.400 They'd be like, bro, it's, it's crazy.

01:13:11.440 The funny thing to me though, is like black dudes were always like, Hey man, you scared to date

01:13:14.840 a black chick.

01:13:15.580 And I'm like, you're, aren't dating a black chick.

01:13:19.320 Every fucking black dude isn't dating a black chick.

01:13:22.260 But the first thing they say is, Oh, you scared of some of that black chick?

01:13:25.780 They get hyped on you.

01:13:26.880 When they see you with a black chick, they'll get hyped.

01:13:28.800 And then sometimes there'll be like, you're an easy target.

01:13:31.380 I can kind of like, I'll fuck with you or, or they'll do like a hard checkout on your

01:13:35.960 baby.

01:13:36.360 You have to just go nuts.

01:13:37.940 You gotta, you gotta get white boy crazy.

01:13:39.660 Yeah.

01:13:39.960 So if they do like a damn, you have to be like, you have to spaz because you can't, you can't

01:13:44.380 tolerate that.

01:13:44.960 So you gotta, I've gone white boy crazy a couple of times.

01:13:47.220 Yeah.

01:13:47.240 You're like, I'm over here doing your job.

01:13:49.800 Okay.

01:13:50.340 Well, dude, apparently black women and Asian men are the, uh, like Asian women tend to

01:13:54.740 date outside the race a lot.

01:13:55.860 Black men date outside the race a lot, but black women and Asian men tend to not date outside

01:14:00.360 the race a lot.

01:14:01.080 So like the yin and yang twins or whatever.

01:14:03.460 Like, what are you saying?

01:14:04.420 No, they're, they're just black and Asian do not date.

01:14:07.140 Well, black men will date outside the race where traditionally black women tend to not

01:14:11.120 date outside the race.

01:14:11.900 Oh, wow.

01:14:12.060 So it was just that.

01:14:12.880 And Asian women date white guys a lot, but a lot of Asian men don't date outside of the

01:14:16.540 race.

01:14:16.760 So it kind of like fucks you up in the dating pool.

01:14:19.020 Yeah.

01:14:19.560 So, but yeah, I think black women are coming around though.

01:14:21.740 But yeah, they were, they were, uh, fiercely loyal.

01:14:24.380 It's still, you get a little, people are, uh, you know, it, it does.

01:14:29.280 Some people don't like it.

01:14:30.400 Obviously, you know, you get people are like big into like black love where they're like,

01:14:33.200 it's not the same.

01:14:33.900 And I'm like, whatever, man, that's your thing.

01:14:35.360 Yeah.

01:14:35.540 It's not, yeah.

01:14:36.000 But yeah, it's not your fault.

01:14:37.720 No, exactly.

01:14:38.480 It's, I don't, I don't feel any kind of way about it, but it's just like, you know, celebrate

01:14:41.500 that if you want.

01:14:42.120 That's fine.

01:14:42.440 Yeah.

01:14:42.640 You know, but it's like, dude, I remember the first time I like even like I was working

01:14:46.420 out with a buddy of mine, a black guy.

01:14:47.880 Right.

01:14:48.160 And he like touched my hand.

01:14:49.920 He was helping spot me or something.

01:14:51.180 And I was like, damn, I'd never even touched a black dude's hand or nothing.

01:14:54.400 They have beautiful nails too.

01:14:55.580 Dude, there's like a, there's like a level of like black coolness where you grow one pinky

01:15:00.600 nail long so you can crack a blunt with your long pinky

01:15:03.000 nail.

01:15:03.420 It's pretty sick.

01:15:03.860 Oh, wow.

01:15:04.180 Yeah.

01:15:04.420 It was like a, it was like a evolution of the Coke nail, but you can kind of just.

01:15:08.140 Oh, that's cool.

01:15:09.060 Yeah.

01:15:09.280 You can just crack a blunt with a long pinky nail.

01:15:10.500 Oh, being black, definitely.

01:15:11.420 There's a lot of parts that seem super fun about it.

01:15:13.180 And then there's some parts and I'm kind of like, man, that's that part.

01:15:16.180 That is not for me.

01:15:16.940 I couldn't handle that.

01:15:17.900 It's definitely, I think it's easier than a black dude dating a white chick.

01:15:22.960 Cause everyone's just kind of like, you know, people just, people just kind of like

01:15:25.860 wait first when you first meet him, we'll like kind of giggle and be like, oh, you

01:15:28.460 like, you know, you like black girl, you know, shit like that.

01:15:30.620 And like kind of dap you up and you're like, sweet.

01:15:32.600 Whereas like, I feel like the black, maybe it's different now, but back in the day, like

01:15:36.420 being a black dude at like a white family party, there was definitely some uncles hitting

01:15:39.760 you with like icicles in the eyes, just glaring at you.

01:15:42.680 Like what you doing over there?

01:15:44.040 I heard my one friend was a black dude and he was, he was dating a white chick and he

01:15:47.120 said like her brother would ask him like weird shit being like, what do you think?

01:15:51.040 You would get drunk and be like, what do you like?

01:15:53.080 We should, he was a wrestler.

01:15:54.280 He'd be like, let's wrestle right now.

01:15:55.740 He'd be like, bro, chill, man.

01:15:57.680 Like we don't have to do this.

01:15:59.040 Yeah.

01:15:59.300 Yeah, it was gay probably, but I think black dudes aren't threatened by white dudes as much

01:16:03.960 as white dudes might be threatened by black guys.

01:16:06.220 Well, yeah, because they don't have to be because they can always beat up white dudes.

01:16:09.080 Yeah.

01:16:09.580 Bigger dicks.

01:16:10.700 Statistically, bigger dicks can beat you up.

01:16:12.120 Some of that's a rumor, first of all, I've heard, but it's the, a lot of the ones on the

01:16:15.720 internet.

01:16:16.140 Yes.

01:16:18.200 They've done condom sizing studies and like, it's not as much of a difference as you think,

01:16:22.520 but there's, there's a difference.

01:16:23.620 Dude, the last thing I would want to have is some big old long dick bothering me all day,

01:16:28.280 dude.

01:16:28.660 I hear you on that.

01:16:29.660 Yeah.

01:16:29.840 I'm high and tight.

01:16:30.560 I'm ready for action.

01:16:31.480 I'm ready for action at all.

01:16:34.240 I'm ready for action at all times.

01:16:35.480 Oh, I'm fucking, I got that John Stockton on me, dude.

01:16:39.740 I'll help you out, bro.

01:16:41.300 I'll try to assist you in whatever you're headed.

01:16:45.460 I'm here, dude.

01:16:46.580 I'm ready to run.

01:16:47.540 I'm in sport mode.

01:16:48.460 What was I just going to ask about?

01:16:49.880 Yeah.

01:16:50.120 There's, well, there's a lot.

01:16:50.800 There's definitely some white comics married to black women.

01:16:52.760 I think TJ Miller, I believe.

01:16:56.460 Gary Owens.

01:16:57.420 Gary Owens.

01:16:58.360 Yeah.

01:17:00.820 Who else?

01:17:01.480 There's definitely.

01:17:01.620 You, Bill Burr.

01:17:02.680 Yeah, Bill Burr.

01:17:03.760 Bill Maher.

01:17:04.560 Bill Maher's never married to a black lady?

01:17:05.880 Oh, he loves.

01:17:07.680 Dating.

01:17:09.320 It's crazy.

01:17:10.500 He loves.

01:17:12.240 That was a head-to-head.

01:17:13.740 That was a black wife head-to-head.

01:17:14.960 Bill Maher and Bill Burr.

01:17:16.340 They were both dressed pretty good, too.

01:17:17.680 They both were black wife affected, and they got, they argued over, like, Israel and Palestine.

01:17:21.700 Oh, they did?

01:17:22.220 Yeah, it was like a fucking viral clip.

01:17:23.940 Really?

01:17:24.520 Let's hear it.

01:17:25.220 They fucking, it's kind of funny.

01:17:27.020 Let's hear it.

01:17:27.820 Bill Burr is ruthless.

01:17:29.040 What is black wife affected?

01:17:30.100 Let me get that, and then let's watch the clip, can't it?

01:17:32.000 Just when you start dressing better, because your wife's black, and they really don't

01:17:34.780 tolerate, like, if you're not dressed well.

01:17:36.480 Like, they'll, I fought a long, I'm, I hold it down, you know.

01:17:39.160 Yeah, I still wear kind of, like, bummy stuff, but they'll, they'll wear on you.

01:17:43.000 Yeah, black people like to look nice.

01:17:45.300 Yeah.

01:17:45.600 It's important.

01:17:46.300 It's very important.

01:17:47.320 And, like, and at weddings, it's the opposite.

01:17:48.640 Like, you have to dance.

01:17:49.440 If you don't dance at a wedding, people are like, what the fuck's your problem?

01:17:51.500 Really?

01:17:51.840 At a white wedding, you'd sit in a chair the whole time.

01:17:53.660 Oh, yeah.

01:17:54.280 It's a lot of pressure to dance, yeah.

01:17:55.520 You can gamble on your phone, even.

01:17:56.980 You can do whatever you want.

01:17:58.080 Yeah, you're like, I object, you know?

01:18:00.720 But you're just so gay, sister, whatever, you can't help but yell it.

01:18:05.220 Look at these guys.

01:18:06.680 Let's see what happens here.

01:18:07.560 I mean, dude.

01:18:09.840 Demonstrating for Hamas?

01:18:11.660 They are in with the terrorists?

01:18:13.000 They were for the Palestinians.

01:18:15.780 Well, it's sort of the same cause.

01:18:20.480 Why?

01:18:20.960 Are you?

01:18:22.800 I'm on the side of the kids.

01:18:24.860 Yeah, that's easy to say.

01:18:26.540 You know, no one wants to see kids dead.

01:18:29.440 This is a war.

01:18:29.980 That was very brave of you to say that.

01:18:31.260 This is a war.

01:18:32.720 He sounds like he has no feelings.

01:18:34.000 I'm not going to be brave on this.

01:18:35.300 No, pat yourself on the back.

01:18:36.740 It's easy to say, I'm for the kids.

01:18:38.920 Who's not for the kids?

01:18:40.340 Well, I don't understand.

01:18:40.700 It comes down to real hard-nosed decisions.

01:18:43.840 Like a country.

01:18:44.620 Stop talking like you're a general.

01:18:45.700 A country got attacked.

01:18:47.340 Israel got attacked.

01:18:48.340 I'm not saying that they didn't have a right to go back.

01:18:50.100 I'm just sitting there going like, how do I look at what?

01:18:51.860 We're the only country in the world that they get attacked.

01:18:54.600 And then as soon as they counterattack, it's like, well, we got to stop this shit now.

01:18:58.520 Don't attack them.

01:18:59.340 There's a very simple solution to all this problem in the Middle East.

01:19:02.680 Stop attacking Israel.

01:19:04.360 Hey, you just solved it.

01:19:05.300 Stop attacking Israel.

01:19:05.680 You just solved it.

01:19:06.360 I actually did.

01:19:06.740 There you go.

01:19:07.220 That's fantastic.

01:19:08.220 Anyway.

01:19:08.680 All right.

01:19:09.120 We don't need to get on to that.

01:19:10.180 Apparently, this was a whole episode of them fighting.

01:19:11.860 Let's go to Russia and Ukraine.

01:19:12.600 How do you solve that one, Bill?

01:19:15.020 Let me hear your hard-nosed decision.

01:19:16.720 Well, I think some of that's bullshit because I think some of the people, they are, I don't know.

01:19:22.580 It feels like they had to elect the Hamas because they don't have any other choice.

01:19:27.380 Yeah, true.

01:19:28.340 But I guess you always have a choice in who you elect.

01:19:31.080 I don't think, also, I don't think you can go against, I don't think you can, can you vocally oppose Hamas in Palestine?

01:19:37.340 That's a good question.

01:19:38.080 It might be kind of risky.

01:19:38.820 I don't know.

01:19:39.200 That's the thing.

01:19:39.860 The worst part is this will be on some historical record and we don't know how it'll play out.

01:19:44.160 We could be, like, basically on either side promoting the Nazis.

01:19:47.960 You know what I'm saying?

01:19:49.360 Right.

01:19:49.580 Yeah, you don't know the long play of it, you know.

01:19:52.040 But to me, it's like if somebody says free a place, that's the place that needs to be freed usually.

01:19:56.360 Yeah, true.

01:19:56.940 You know what I'm saying?

01:19:57.180 You don't hear free Israel.

01:19:58.300 I've said this before.

01:19:58.980 You don't hear free Kentucky.

01:20:01.300 You don't hear free America.

01:20:05.020 You're starting, you're kind of hearing a little bit.

01:20:06.700 You don't hear, you know.

01:20:08.540 You hear free Cuba.

01:20:09.660 You hear free Palestine.

01:20:10.580 If that's the chant, it's like that's usually the place that needs to be free, right?

01:20:15.860 Yeah, that's a fair point.

01:20:16.840 That's a tough one to be like, well, hold on a second.

01:20:19.920 What are they up to?

01:20:20.540 Yeah, it feels bad.

01:20:22.360 Right.

01:20:22.560 You're like, well, what do they do?

01:20:23.720 I don't know.

01:20:24.260 My heart just tells me, and I don't know.

01:20:26.220 My heart's, I'm real hearted.

01:20:28.780 But my heart just tells me that it's just unfair.

01:20:34.360 That's what it feels like to me.

01:20:35.620 But then I don't know a lot about it.

01:20:36.780 I got to get some people on that no more.

01:20:38.160 I mean, I think the war's totally unfair.

01:20:39.980 They're getting, they're totally unmatched.

01:20:41.960 I mean, they're, dude, imagine if you're fighting somebody and then someone gave you

01:20:45.020 $90 billion.

01:20:47.080 You're going to crush them.

01:20:48.860 So yeah.

01:20:49.180 Yeah, I don't know why we're funding that.

01:20:50.700 I know.

01:20:51.020 That's my one point of contention where it's like, but then they'll go, well, we need them

01:20:54.300 there because they helped stabilize the region, blah, blah, blah.

01:20:56.660 But it's like, dude, 90 bill.

01:20:59.160 It's fucked up.

01:20:59.680 They're fine.

01:21:00.880 They're good.

01:21:01.380 Yeah.

01:21:01.580 They're, they're set up.

01:21:02.480 But again, it's like, yeah, I don't fucking know.

01:21:03.980 But they, uh, that's the one thing that disheartened me because they'd pass that new bill.

01:21:07.300 It's like $90 billion.

01:21:08.240 Oh, they keep getting, well, they're using Biden as a fucking human merry-go-round or

01:21:13.080 whatever.

01:21:13.520 Yeah.

01:21:13.760 That dude's over there.

01:21:14.660 Like my son got murdered.

01:21:17.080 My son was a four-star general at Arby's, you know?

01:21:23.080 And my black guy at the swimming pool stabbed my son, you know?

01:21:28.420 He's like, what the fuck is he even talking about, dude?

01:21:30.940 He sounds like outtakes from a fucking Larry David episode.

01:21:35.440 That's what he sounds like.

01:21:36.620 Dude, he's, we were talking about it yesterday on our podcast where he's, uh, RFK Jr. was

01:21:41.400 like, dude, I don't, I forget the time span, but if, if there's a nuclear threat in the

01:21:44.680 middle of the night, they got to wake Joe Biden up and he's got like maybe 30 seconds to make

01:21:49.280 a call.

01:21:50.320 How fucked up is that?

01:21:52.080 How terrifying is that?

01:21:54.400 He's got to walk down a hallway and be like, what's going on from sleep?

01:21:58.040 And be like, this is what we're doing.

01:21:59.440 Oh my God.

01:22:01.960 I hope that's not the case.

01:22:03.260 There has to be people in the white house being like, bro, chill.

01:22:05.940 We'll do it.

01:22:06.720 Relax.

01:22:07.680 There's no way that guy's making a decision.

01:22:10.340 There's no way that guy is doing anything.

01:22:12.840 Imagine him trying to eat.

01:22:14.160 This is what I imagine a lot.

01:22:15.480 Him trying to eat a piece of, um, Kraft singles cheese.

01:22:21.300 There should be footage of that.

01:22:22.680 Like dude, prove it.

01:22:23.800 We'll open one of those.

01:22:24.720 Yeah.

01:22:25.020 That's the litmus test.

01:22:26.100 If you can't successfully open, eat and swallow a Kraft single, you can't eat.

01:22:33.500 Then you're fucking out of here, my guy.

01:22:35.820 Yeah.

01:22:35.940 No nuclear codes at all.

01:22:37.060 Yeah.

01:22:37.360 You're out of here.

01:22:38.360 And everybody's always like the nuclear codes.

01:22:40.080 The nuclear codes are the algorithms of the internet.

01:22:43.040 Those are the fucking nuclear codes that are killing our, our, our humanity and our being.

01:22:48.380 It feels like.

01:22:50.300 Yeah.

01:22:50.620 It's pretty bad.

01:22:51.320 Do you guys have children?

01:22:53.620 Yeah.

01:22:53.800 We have kids.

01:22:54.260 Yeah.

01:22:54.360 We have two little kids.

01:22:55.260 So your father is just, uh, I thought I was getting lumped in with Biden.

01:22:57.540 I was like, yeah, we got, I think we both have kids.

01:22:59.140 Yeah.

01:22:59.260 No, uh, no.

01:22:59.900 Yeah.

01:23:00.060 I have a father.

01:23:00.480 I have two daughters, two little kids.

01:23:02.180 Uh, one will be two in a couple of weeks and a four year old.

01:23:05.820 Wow.

01:23:06.240 Yeah.

01:23:06.480 It's, it's the best.

01:23:07.640 It is.

01:23:08.580 Yeah.

01:23:08.900 It's very, very taxing.

01:23:10.240 And it's, uh, but it really is the best.

01:23:12.120 It really, you know, you hear a lot of guys when they have kids, they get all like crazy.

01:23:15.360 They're like, dude, if there was a button right now that I had to hit to kill myself

01:23:18.460 or her, I'd fucking hit it and kill myself.

01:23:20.080 It's like, you don't have to go that hard.

01:23:21.440 Yeah, dude.

01:23:22.060 That's chill out, dude.

01:23:23.120 You're a manager.

01:23:24.100 First of all, at a Jimmy John's.

01:23:26.140 Yeah.

01:23:27.160 Oh, that's your family right there.

01:23:28.640 Yeah.

01:23:28.840 That's my family.

01:23:29.220 Oh, dang.

01:23:30.040 Those girls are cute, huh?

01:23:31.880 They're cuties, man.

01:23:32.980 That's so cool.

01:23:34.200 But yeah.

01:23:34.540 So when you're, when you're a dad or your parent, I guess in general, it's like you live

01:23:38.480 your whole life for yourself before you have kids.

01:23:40.200 You're just, you know, every single person is just narcissistically self-obsessed.

01:23:43.800 It's just the way we are.

01:23:45.140 Yeah, I am.

01:23:46.080 Everybody.

01:23:46.520 No, every single person is.

01:23:47.840 And people are like, I'm not.

01:23:48.640 It's like, yes, you are.

01:23:49.360 Oh, so it's something you don't even realize until you have a child, you mean?

01:23:52.440 Well, it's, it's like, I, I think so.

01:23:54.700 Hopefully you realize, if you don't realize it, that can be, that can be tough, but it's

01:23:57.400 like, and it's not the, like, it's not a put down or a slam.

01:23:59.740 It's like, as an organism, we have to be primarily obsessed with ourselves.

01:24:03.240 Oh, it'd be really weird if I was taking care of some kids that weren't mine.

01:24:05.820 That's what I'm saying.

01:24:06.440 Like it just, just as a person, like if there's a dangerous situation, our bodies are designed

01:24:10.700 to preserve ourselves and to advance our own interests.

01:24:13.080 It's just, it's a law of nature.

01:24:15.000 So then when you have a kid, you start that drive, it gets frustrated over and over and

01:24:19.820 over on a daily basis.

01:24:20.980 And you either like come to grips with that and like reorient yourself around stuff outside

01:24:26.180 of yourself, or I think it just explodes your brain.

01:24:28.820 You just completely fail.

01:24:30.640 Yeah.

01:24:31.000 It's pretty tough.

01:24:31.920 It's a, it's a pretty tough job, but it's, it's the best dude.

01:24:35.120 Waking up every morning, become every morning now is like, it's the same thing over and over.

01:24:38.360 Like the kids wake up, you get them breakfast and it, for me, it put me on like a nice schedule

01:24:41.740 because I was just kind of floating around.

01:24:44.020 So damn, it's cool.

01:24:45.980 Did you plan on, um, having a baby or was it a surprise?

01:24:50.360 Yeah.

01:24:50.660 We were like both like, fuck it.

01:24:52.240 Let's have a kid.

01:24:52.920 It wasn't like super planned out, but we were like, we weren't trying not to.

01:24:56.860 And then she got pregnant.

01:24:57.900 I was like, oh shit, fuck.

01:24:59.120 And it's, it's just like, oh.

01:25:00.960 And at the, um, do you, yeah.

01:25:04.280 Does it feel like you have mixed kids or does it feel like you just have children?

01:25:06.980 It's really, you have kids.

01:25:07.760 You don't really, we don't really like, cause then when you have kids, you get kids books.

01:25:10.900 So you get like different kids books.

01:25:12.260 Now there's been a lot of like political and racial ideology that's been pumped into kids books.

01:25:17.140 Some, not all of it's bad.

01:25:17.980 Some of it's like, you know, love your hair or shit like that.

01:25:19.740 Right.

01:25:20.260 Then you get like some political stuff.

01:25:22.180 So like I've been kind of like, I'll like screen out some of the books.

01:25:25.420 If they're like too political, I'll just like show them pictures.

01:25:27.540 Like, oh, look at this lady.

01:25:28.320 Yeah.

01:25:28.600 Like Horton, here's a Harriet Tubman or whatever.

01:25:30.680 And you're like, yeah, yeah.

01:25:32.440 This feels a little.

01:25:33.720 Yeah.

01:25:33.740 It's like, yeah.

01:25:34.380 Anything that's like overtly super political.

01:25:37.600 I'm just like, um, you know, I'm like, I'm not, I'll, I'll just like point to the pictures

01:25:40.660 and make up a story and you know, it's like, say they're, they're little kids.

01:25:43.480 You don't have to like, you just don't, I don't like, I'm not like against people knowing

01:25:47.280 that stuff.

01:25:47.720 It's just like, dude, this kid's trying to figure out like squares and circles.

01:25:51.600 They don't need to like comprehend like systemic inequalities yet.

01:25:55.960 They can get that.

01:25:56.800 That'll be later.

01:25:57.380 Right.

01:25:58.120 It's just, it's anti-racist baby.

01:25:59.860 That book is crazy.

01:26:00.780 Feminist baby is crazy.

01:26:01.960 Feminist baby is kind of crazy too.

01:26:03.800 Feminist baby is a pretty crazy.

01:26:05.680 Yeah.

01:26:05.960 Oh yeah.

01:26:06.480 It's feminist dude.

01:26:07.620 It's a baby dude.

01:26:08.740 We can't even make it.

01:26:10.060 Yeah.

01:26:10.260 Babies are initially obsessed with the mother too.

01:26:12.260 They have to be bro.

01:26:13.540 It's a survival.

01:26:14.160 Yeah.

01:26:14.260 It's a survival.

01:26:14.700 If some gay baby came over trying to slurp on my chest, dude, I'd fucking put him to bed

01:26:20.320 early.

01:26:20.700 I would put that fucking fat McNugget to bed early, dude.

01:26:27.040 The crazy thing about being a baby is you can be as fat as you want and people fucking

01:26:31.080 love you, dude.

01:26:32.460 It's almost like the Yokozuna in Japan, you know?

01:26:35.040 Yeah.

01:26:35.420 True.

01:26:35.780 That's actually, that's a fair point.

01:26:37.560 But actually people love fat babies, man.

01:26:39.680 Just babies, women squeeze their cheeks and they're like, you're so fat.

01:26:43.540 Yeah.

01:26:43.700 Women are crazy too because when you have a kid, they like the smell of their baby poop.

01:26:46.860 I've heard this from multiple women.

01:26:48.300 Like it smells like buttered popcorn.

01:26:50.080 Dude, it's so gross.

01:26:51.760 It's disgusting.

01:26:53.360 But no, having kids is cool, man.

01:26:54.780 It's like, it definitely, for me at least, it kind of rocked me to the foundation on one

01:26:59.580 level, but then you're still your normal self, but you're just hyper aware because like

01:27:02.920 I used to have an anger problem.

01:27:03.840 Like I would fucking break glasses.

01:27:04.980 Really?

01:27:05.280 Oh, I was so bad.

01:27:06.260 What do you think it was from?

01:27:07.240 I have an anger problem.

01:27:08.420 We have an anger guy coming on in a couple of weeks.

01:27:10.020 Do you really?

01:27:10.540 Yeah.

01:27:11.120 I don't, dude, I don't know.

01:27:12.280 I mean, I can go into depth.

01:27:14.300 I think I could venture a guess that was like, sometimes in households, there's like certain

01:27:20.080 emotions aren't on display and the anger can certainly become a primary emotion.

01:27:23.500 If you're like in a household where people aren't exactly talking and sharing feelings,

01:27:27.320 everything gets bottled up.

01:27:28.700 So then every feeling gets channeled into anger eventually.

01:27:31.040 So it just becomes like, it just becomes natural to you.

01:27:33.520 Just a fucking spaz.

01:27:34.980 So I was just a spaz.

01:27:36.080 I don't know.

01:27:36.380 I come from a long line of Irish spazes.

01:27:37.960 So I would just like, especially like, you know, in the early stages of our relationship,

01:27:42.080 you get into those like those arguments where you're just like, I don't, you get so disoriented

01:27:46.340 because you're like, I don't know if I'm right.

01:27:47.840 I don't know if I'm wrong.

01:27:49.260 And you just start to spaz and I would be doing the dishes and just be like, like smash

01:27:52.840 a glass.

01:27:53.320 But then like, yeah, once you have like that kind of shit has to stop once you have kids

01:27:57.280 or you can just keep going and terrify them.

01:27:59.660 So you got to like, you know, I'd have to like really, I had to rein that in.

01:28:03.060 I did it.

01:28:03.660 That would break their heart too, dude.

01:28:05.240 It'd just be so scary, dude.

01:28:06.780 It's so good.

01:28:07.240 As I can remember as a kid, like seeing your parents yell was like, fuck, dude, just was

01:28:11.380 shitty.

01:28:11.880 My dad.

01:28:12.540 Yeah.

01:28:12.700 It was like, he was so old.

01:28:14.040 He was probably when I finally could get a good look at him.

01:28:15.980 He was probably about 76.

01:28:17.360 Damn.

01:28:17.940 And he would, um, he would drink sometimes and he would like put his, park his car like

01:28:26.360 in the ditch outside of our house.

01:28:27.920 Yeah.

01:28:29.020 It's not a good look when you see that car in the ditch.

01:28:30.800 You're like, fuck.

01:28:31.400 We thought it was so funny, dude.

01:28:32.900 And dude, one time our aunt came to visit and she was like 91 years old, dude.

01:28:38.240 It was my dad's sister.

01:28:39.220 We'd never even seen anybody this fucking old.

01:28:42.100 Really?

01:28:42.580 She just rolled up?

01:28:44.180 Yeah.

01:28:44.380 She came to visit and I think she was 90 or 91 and we were just like, what is going on?

01:28:50.880 That's wild.

01:28:51.840 She couldn't even talk to us.

01:28:53.560 Damn.

01:28:53.980 So how old was your dad when he had you?

01:28:55.440 He was 70.

01:28:56.200 He was an older guy, but it was just, it was so bizarre.

01:28:59.060 She couldn't even talk to us, but she painted us some pictures.

01:29:01.680 I remember.

01:29:02.080 That's kind of cool.

01:29:02.640 It was really nice of her.

01:29:03.820 Damn.

01:29:03.920 She painted like wildflowers from I think Mississippi or something.

01:29:07.000 That's pretty, that's nice.

01:29:08.280 Yeah.

01:29:08.640 It was very sweet of her.

01:29:09.980 But yeah, to answer your question, that was kind of it.

01:29:11.620 Like you just, you get kind of like, you just, if you see spazzing, you're like, yeah,

01:29:14.800 this is just how I handle stuff.

01:29:16.320 And then you just start spazzing.

01:29:17.460 And then like, you know, if you don't learn how to like logically process whatever that

01:29:22.260 surge of emotion is, it's just like, I'm going to fucking spaz.

01:29:24.920 I still, I'm still guilty of it.

01:29:26.340 Yeah.

01:29:26.640 Like I'll like kick, if we have like an empty paper bag, I'll fucking, everyone leaves.

01:29:30.320 I'll just fucking kick that bitch.

01:29:31.980 I'll kick it as hard as I fucking can.

01:29:32.760 I'll kick that motherfucker too.

01:29:34.160 I also stopped talking.

01:29:35.320 I was talking to my dogs real mean too.

01:29:37.300 I would like, I'd walk my dogs and they yank my arm.

01:29:39.460 I'd be like, you motherfucker, knock it off.

01:29:40.740 And I had to like chill with that.

01:29:42.640 I can't do that.

01:29:43.360 But yeah, it was just, you know.

01:29:44.320 It's amazing, huh?

01:29:45.480 Well, dude, if you get your shoulder yanked, it's like, my dogs are like 60 pounds.

01:29:48.820 Yeah.

01:29:49.240 Now that you do.

01:29:49.460 One of them yanks your shoulder and you're not expecting it.

01:29:51.240 It's like, it is the most infuriating thing.

01:29:53.740 But then if someone sees you doing that, they're like, this guy's up.

01:29:56.020 Because in my house, it was like, it was all, you could hit dogs in my house.

01:29:58.480 It was like just, that's where we were at.

01:30:00.420 Like.

01:30:00.440 Oh yeah.

01:30:01.020 Philly.

01:30:01.440 Kids got beat.

01:30:02.340 Dogs got beat.

01:30:03.020 That's Michael Vick country.

01:30:03.500 Yeah.

01:30:03.840 Kids, if you're bad, you got hit.

01:30:05.540 If the dog was bad, of course the dog got hit too.

01:30:07.580 So I like thought it was normal to hit dogs.

01:30:08.980 Yeah.

01:30:09.460 And I learned that it's not.

01:30:11.220 Dude, dogs used to patrol our neighborhood, attack kids.

01:30:14.380 Really?

01:30:14.880 Attack people.

01:30:15.840 Male people.

01:30:17.060 Oh.

01:30:17.900 G-A-Ys.

01:30:19.840 Everybody, dude.

01:30:20.640 They would bite everybody, dude.

01:30:23.360 Damn.

01:30:24.020 Let's watch the rest of that birthing.

01:30:25.340 Did we watch his part?

01:30:26.460 I want to see what he said back.

01:30:27.960 Or just see what he said.

01:30:28.700 I want to see what he said.

01:30:29.360 The simple solution to all this problem in the Middle East, stop attacking Israel.

01:30:33.820 Hey, you just solved it.

01:30:34.500 Stop attacking Israel.

01:30:35.120 You just solved it.

01:30:35.800 I actually did.

01:30:36.400 There you go.

01:30:36.660 That's fantastic.

01:30:37.660 Anyway.

01:30:38.140 All right.

01:30:38.540 We don't need to get onto that.

01:30:39.880 Let's go to Russia and the Ukraine.

01:30:42.060 How do you solve that one, Bill?

01:30:44.420 Let me hear your hard-nosed decision about that.

01:30:46.980 Well, let me ask you a question.

01:30:47.780 How is war still legal?

01:30:50.140 All this shit that's been canceled.

01:30:52.200 Why is that still fucking legal?

01:30:53.560 A great point.

01:30:54.060 Would you like a real answer to that?

01:30:55.380 So I stole the war's answer, by the way.

01:30:56.660 For something to be illegal, you have to have the capacity to enforce it.

01:31:01.440 And you can't enforce against war, or else you have to go to war with the country that's going to war.

01:31:07.700 And we don't want to go to war with Russia over Ukraine.

01:31:10.720 What would be the sense of making it illegal?

01:31:12.900 Oh, that's really going to stop Putin.

01:31:14.420 No.

01:31:15.100 To stop people from going to war, you have to also put boots—

01:31:18.660 You just can't sit down and talk it out, do a—

01:31:20.920 Why can't Putin do a podcast with the head guy?

01:31:24.440 Like, you just solved the Middle East on a podcast.

01:31:26.620 Why can't they solve what they're doing on a podcast?

01:31:29.000 This is why this is not your thing.

01:31:30.800 Make some hard notes.

01:31:32.760 This is my thing.

01:31:33.300 It's not your thing.

01:31:34.040 It's what you—

01:31:34.640 It is my thing.

01:31:35.360 It isn't your thing.

01:31:36.100 This is not your thing.

01:31:36.660 It isn't.

01:31:36.900 You're like that guy that has a fantasy football team and thinks he's a fucking GM.

01:31:42.440 Don't burst your fight.

01:31:43.160 That's exactly what it is.

01:31:44.320 Like, why am I fucking listening to you like you've done something?

01:31:48.320 That's hilarious.

01:31:49.060 Yeah, Bill Murray hasn't done shit, dude.

01:31:50.980 Well, he was super woke, and then he pandered.

01:31:52.880 When he realized his audience was leaving, he definitely got more centrist.

01:31:55.500 You think that's what it was?

01:31:56.320 He flipped?

01:31:56.600 I certainly think that.

01:31:58.140 To him, it was a financial thing.

01:32:00.000 Yeah.

01:32:00.280 That he got way more centrist, because I started seeing, like, he was like, all these idiots

01:32:04.980 are wrong.

01:32:05.520 You're taking horse medicine or whatever.

01:32:07.360 Yeah.

01:32:07.520 And then you've certainly seen him come back over to the other side.

01:32:10.940 He flipped big time.

01:32:11.600 I mean, I was delighted to see him flip like that, but I get what you're saying.

01:32:14.580 If you start getting enough hate, now you can just, like, measure it in real time.

01:32:17.460 You see it, and you're like, oh, fuck.

01:32:18.620 These guys.

01:32:19.300 Dude, if you go on YouTube, almost every comment is like, fuck this.

01:32:24.540 Some gradient of, like, you know, whether it's Trump or, like, almost 80% of comments

01:32:28.480 are, like, Trump rules.

01:32:29.280 It's, like, mostly, for some reason, like, conservative people commenting.

01:32:32.320 I don't know if it's, like, bots or what.

01:32:33.880 Yeah.

01:32:34.080 It's, like, if you were to watch that clip, actually, I think I did read that.

01:32:36.820 A lot of people were slamming Marr, being like, what a smug fucking blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:32:40.000 Yeah, I just, my mom never liked him, and she never really said anything to me, but

01:32:44.640 I remember her saying that once.

01:32:45.720 My mom doesn't like Bill Maher at all.

01:32:47.020 I don't like Bill Maher.

01:32:47.960 Yeah.

01:32:48.740 He doesn't seem respectful to women.

01:32:50.600 That's what I remember she said to me.

01:32:51.960 That's fair.

01:32:52.700 I think that's fair for her to say, especially back in the, you know.

01:32:55.380 Yeah, I don't know.

01:32:55.820 I've never met him, you know.

01:32:56.660 I just know.

01:32:57.320 No, I haven't either.

01:32:58.020 I'm just joking, but.

01:32:58.900 No, I just know he did flip-flop hard.

01:33:01.780 I remember just being, I was delighted.

01:33:03.560 I was like, yes.

01:33:04.980 It was funny watching people.

01:33:05.500 Well, yeah, because you needed some, every host was all, like, really, it seemed like

01:33:11.200 not, they just all had the same exact plan.

01:33:14.660 It was like, remember when they played that video?

01:33:16.440 Dude, that was crazy.

01:33:17.820 Remember that video?

01:33:18.340 All talking at once?

01:33:19.060 Yeah.

01:33:19.260 All talking about every channel, talking about the same thing.

01:33:21.540 It was like, at a certain point, you can't think we all think we just live in some,

01:33:25.480 like, people are going to notice.

01:33:28.500 Yeah.

01:33:29.020 Right?

01:33:29.340 And it almost seems like we're so dumb, we didn't notice.

01:33:31.560 That was fucked up, man.

01:33:32.480 That, like, that bugged me out.

01:33:34.080 And is this a real video?

01:33:35.120 This is a real thing?

01:33:35.940 I think so.

01:33:36.640 I mean, that'd be crazy to fake that.

01:33:39.440 Fox San Antonio's Jessica Headley.

01:33:41.540 And I'm Ryan Wolf.

01:33:42.300 Our greatest responsibility is to serve our Treasure Valley communities.

01:33:46.260 The El Paso, Las Cruces communities.

01:33:48.160 Eastern Iowa communities.

01:33:49.740 Mid-Michigan communities.

01:33:51.080 We are extremely proud of the quality, balanced journalism that CBS4 News

01:33:55.120 produces.

01:33:56.240 But we are concerned about the trouble and trying to be responsible,

01:33:59.680 one-sided news stories plaguing our country.

01:34:02.440 Plaguing our country.

01:34:03.700 The sharing of biased and false news has become all too common on social media.

01:34:08.260 More alarming, some media outlets publish these same fake stories without checking facts first.

01:34:14.160 The sharing of biased and false news has become all too common on social media.

01:34:19.400 I mean, they definitely have a script.

01:34:22.440 People are writing scripts.

01:34:23.440 Well, it's just that they're all owned by the same three or four companies now.

01:34:27.360 It's like, it's like, it's the same reason why it's, everything's just kind of the same.

01:34:33.100 It's like, it's all Panera, right?

01:34:35.460 It's just the same seven companies own everything.

01:34:38.500 Of course.

01:34:39.360 So when people are finally, like, you can't just expect that people don't have something inside of them

01:34:44.280 that detects what, when something is inauthentic.

01:34:49.240 I think, and that's the last piece of you probably to go, is that part of you that...

01:34:53.820 Yeah, well, I think the, I think people underestimate the vast majority of people,

01:34:58.360 and it's like a tough thing to think about, just really don't think for themselves that much.

01:35:02.100 Yeah.

01:35:02.360 I think it's true.

01:35:03.300 And then it's like, you know, you can really just kind of pump a message out.

01:35:06.200 It'll...

01:35:06.560 I agree.

01:35:06.960 It'll land with a huge majority of people.

01:35:09.200 I mean, they figured this out.

01:35:09.980 I think it was Bernays, it was like Freud's nephew did that whole book, Propaganda.

01:35:13.500 They like studied this and like, dude, you can convince people of anything.

01:35:16.720 Freud's nephew must have been balling too because...

01:35:18.480 Yeah.

01:35:18.920 Yeah, he's like my uncle's fucking Freud, dude.

01:35:20.820 He must have been smashing, dude.

01:35:23.240 Yeah, dude.

01:35:23.800 Apparently he convinced women to smoke cigarettes.

01:35:25.760 Women didn't smoke cigarettes until there was a company that was like, we got to drive up our sales.

01:35:30.260 And he like, he's like, I got it.

01:35:31.360 And he just had like a famous actress smoke a cigarette at a parade.

01:35:34.100 Wow.

01:35:34.460 And cigarette sales of women just fucking spiked.

01:35:37.680 Crazy.

01:35:38.880 That is crazy, dude.

01:35:39.820 I wish I wouldn't smoke.

01:35:41.700 Yeah, man.

01:35:42.660 Armageddon, dude.

01:35:43.460 Um, good for Burr for speaking up, though, at least.

01:35:48.320 Burr for going after, uh, Bill Maher.

01:35:51.060 Yeah, it was funny.

01:35:52.080 He's, he's very, he's very entertaining with all that stuff.

01:35:54.440 Like, what are you, a fucking general?

01:35:56.020 It's like, fuck, that's funny.

01:35:57.300 Perfect line to a general.

01:35:59.080 Yeah.

01:36:00.720 But yeah, apparently he was like nasty, though.

01:36:02.420 He did it the whole time.

01:36:03.840 Burr did?

01:36:04.440 Yeah, apparently, yeah.

01:36:05.400 They had like a super cut of just him just fucking leveling him the entire time.

01:36:10.840 So that's tough.

01:36:11.600 And, you know, especially Bill Maher, like you were saying, he's...

01:36:13.460 I don't think he's equipped for that kind of cut fight, really.

01:36:15.840 Yeah.

01:36:15.960 Because he's like going into like the issues that, you know, from his perspective, like,

01:36:19.720 let's talk about this from a macro perspective.

01:36:21.580 And Burr's like, you're a fucking loser.

01:36:23.280 And you're like, fuck.

01:36:24.680 Fuck, dude.

01:36:25.920 God damn it, dude.

01:36:28.460 God, Burr is fucking incredible, dude.

01:36:30.760 He's funny as fuck.

01:36:31.980 He's one of none, dude.

01:36:34.200 Yeah.

01:36:34.560 That's how rare he is.

01:36:35.680 He's nasty as fuck.

01:36:36.720 But yeah, he crushed him, man.

01:36:39.200 He's a...

01:36:39.720 Yeah.

01:36:40.740 He's a big COVID guy, too.

01:36:42.080 I noticed that.

01:36:42.700 He became...

01:36:43.040 He was like number one COVID guy.

01:36:44.580 Who, Bill Maher?

01:36:45.300 Bill Burr.

01:36:45.860 Bill Burr.

01:36:46.280 He was pro-COVID?

01:36:47.260 Well, yeah.

01:36:47.840 Pro-COVID, pro-mask, pro-vax, you know, which is his prerogative, whatever.

01:36:51.380 Yeah.

01:36:51.800 But at least he's his free thinker.

01:36:53.360 He's able to think for both sides of things.

01:36:54.980 It's not always just one side of things.

01:36:56.500 Oh, yeah.

01:36:56.840 He does.

01:36:57.540 He does a good job of that.

01:36:58.420 Him on...

01:36:58.960 His appearances on Conan are really funny.

01:37:01.620 And COVID, like, I didn't know if it was real at first.

01:37:04.320 But then when people are dying, I was like, oh, something's really going on here.

01:37:06.820 And then people I started to know got sick.

01:37:09.000 Because first it just came from the news.

01:37:10.780 You were like, people are getting this thing.

01:37:11.900 It was kind of invisible.

01:37:13.260 You couldn't really see it.

01:37:15.300 Yeah.

01:37:15.700 You know.

01:37:16.620 We had like Ebola before that.

01:37:18.060 We had a couple of little things.

01:37:19.300 But they were like, this is it.

01:37:20.700 But I remember just looking at the stats and being like, I don't think I have to worry

01:37:24.260 about this.

01:37:25.200 That was my only gripe about it.

01:37:26.420 It's like, dude, you could have like preserved the elderly, let the obese chill.

01:37:30.500 And anyone who was like younger and not like had emphysema should have been able to just

01:37:34.860 do their thing the entire time.

01:37:36.300 Yeah.

01:37:36.400 They were like, hide your fat friends and everything.

01:37:38.740 They were like making all these crazy rules.

01:37:40.860 Dude, my friend would go and get his groceries delivered in his yard, have the guy set him

01:37:46.880 out there.

01:37:47.180 He would go out there with a fucking pressure washer and pressure wash his fucking groceries,

01:37:52.440 dude.

01:37:52.880 Yeah.

01:37:53.320 That's crazy.

01:37:54.240 In a hazmat suit.

01:37:55.840 I'm like, dude, you are a pussy, dude.

01:37:58.600 Yeah.

01:37:59.000 I would rather die next to a couple things of Ritz crackers in front of my son than ever

01:38:06.020 see him let me hazmat suit down, some miracle whip and some fucking oatmeal squares.

01:38:15.860 Dude, and that was a crazy thing because I had my first daughter right at the beginning

01:38:20.340 of COVID.

01:38:21.460 So we were in school and like the parents were trying to make the kids like, dude, fucking

01:38:25.320 two-year-olds.

01:38:26.380 There's like a daycare, like early childhood education.

01:38:28.580 Yeah.

01:38:29.000 Trying to make them wear masks all day.

01:38:30.440 And it was like, bro, give it up.

01:38:31.640 They're not keeping these on all day.

01:38:33.260 And also for a two-year-old who's virtually at zero risk, you're going to tell them in

01:38:37.420 their formative years, like there's a giant virus and we're all dying.

01:38:39.960 Like, dude, let them chill.

01:38:41.520 You can tell them like people are getting sick, but like, dude, they were mask on all the times.

01:38:45.840 And where's the virus now, dude?

01:38:47.180 That's the thing.

01:38:47.920 It's gone, dude.

01:38:48.480 It's fucking gone, bro.

01:38:50.300 It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, you don't hear about it.

01:38:53.100 And people get it.

01:38:53.760 The vax cards, that shit didn't, like, what was that for now?

01:38:56.760 And now the people that have it, they don't know if Mike gets sick.

01:38:59.420 And you know now that I believe you can't trust, I don't know.

01:39:03.120 I don't want, I don't want to get down the road.

01:39:04.340 I just think people hear so much of it.

01:39:05.700 They're probably sick of hearing about it.

01:39:06.580 Yeah.

01:39:06.820 I mean, also it's, it's a throwback now, but yeah, they were funny too.

01:39:09.540 Cause they were just a piece of paper.

01:39:10.920 Yeah.

01:39:11.300 So you could just fake them.

01:39:12.420 Like, and there was no penalty for, if you faked one, there was no criminal penalty.

01:39:16.580 I don't, I don't think.

01:39:17.180 Yeah, I had four fake ones, dude.

01:39:18.240 Yeah.

01:39:18.580 I got into different countries on fake ones.

01:39:22.300 Cause they would just look at it.

01:39:23.400 I have a picture on my phone and be like, here it is.

01:39:25.040 And they'd be like, cool, man.

01:39:26.860 I'm like, this is fucking ridiculous.

01:39:29.460 So dumb, man.

01:39:30.940 Um, what else happened in the news, guys?

01:39:33.500 Let me see.

01:39:34.060 Uh, Peru classified transgender, non-binary, and intersex people as mentally ill.

01:39:41.160 Peru.

01:39:42.100 Wow.

01:39:42.860 What did they say?

01:39:43.900 Why?

01:39:44.580 That's a good question.

01:39:46.620 I mean, Peru's a Christian nation.

01:39:48.060 I do know that, but I'm not saying that justifies it.

01:39:50.500 I'm just laying that groundwork.

01:39:52.580 Uh, the controversial decision was made to ensure the country's public health services

01:39:56.120 could guarantee full coverage of medical attention for mental health for the trans

01:40:00.360 community, Peruvian health ministry explained.

01:40:03.140 That makes sense.

01:40:03.680 In order to bill insurance, you have to, it has to be a mental, like some sort of mental

01:40:07.200 disorder.

01:40:07.800 Oh, so it's a helpful thing.

01:40:08.980 They did a kind of a nice thing.

01:40:09.940 Being gay was a straight up mental disorder in the seventies.

01:40:12.400 It was listed in the book that was like that.

01:40:14.100 There's a book that's called the DSM that has every mental disorder and every year people

01:40:18.200 have to argue like what's still one, what isn't like how long, you know, blah, blah,

01:40:21.040 blah, blah.

01:40:21.540 But yeah, being gay in like the seventies was like a mental, it was like a clinical

01:40:24.100 mental, mental disorder.

01:40:25.220 Well, of course, I mean, it had to seem like it.

01:40:26.680 If you think about it, imagine you're hanging out somewhere, right?

01:40:29.100 Yeah.

01:40:30.700 And you're just sitting there with your buddy or something.

01:40:32.340 You're watching like, um, the Cubs or something.

01:40:34.860 You're watching Andre Dawson and your buddy keeps fucking putting his hand on your,

01:40:39.080 leg, right?

01:40:40.840 Yeah, true.

01:40:42.180 And you tell him like, you know, Hey Mark, what's up?

01:40:45.140 Your hand keeps moving over here.

01:40:47.080 Is something wrong with your elbow?

01:40:48.480 Is something wrong with your shoulder?

01:40:50.020 You have to call 911.

01:40:51.200 Is something wrong with your bicep?

01:40:52.200 And he's like, no, I'm fine.

01:40:54.220 And it keeps happening.

01:40:55.440 And then it starts rubbing on your chest or whatever.

01:40:57.120 You're like, this dude doesn't understand that something's wrong with you.

01:41:01.120 You're going to think then that he's mentally disabled.

01:41:03.020 True.

01:41:03.700 It's a fair point.

01:41:05.100 It's actually a fair point.

01:41:05.820 Even he would probably think it in the beginning.

01:41:07.720 He'd be like, some guys I'm sure were like, the hell, what is going on?

01:41:12.400 Could you imagine?

01:41:13.540 Oh God.

01:41:14.620 50s being like, I just want to suck my boss's dick so bad.

01:41:18.080 Yeah.

01:41:18.480 There was no one in the world you could turn to and be like, look, man, I want to suck

01:41:22.640 my boss's dick more than anything.

01:41:24.100 Everybody's like, get the fuck out of here right now.

01:41:26.120 People would beat your ass.

01:41:28.040 Yeah.

01:41:28.500 Or people would just be like, no, you're crazy.

01:41:30.580 That's a, you would have to think you're crazy.

01:41:32.840 Cause if you didn't even know about being gay, imagine you never even heard about being

01:41:36.060 gay.

01:41:36.440 Yeah.

01:41:36.880 You just seen your parents and suddenly you're being gay, right?

01:41:42.580 Or you look at like your brother, your neighbor, your male neighbor.

01:41:46.360 God damn.

01:41:47.840 And you just like kind of start fucking feeling some type of way about them.

01:41:51.400 Yeah, man.

01:41:52.140 Light a candle for no reason.

01:41:53.520 It must've been crazy.

01:41:57.320 That would, I, I've never envied that, man.

01:41:59.400 They used to do lobotomies, um, to un-gay people.

01:42:02.660 They used to do, um, yeah, they would do lobotomies thinking that it could help them.

01:42:07.000 Damn.

01:42:07.940 Cut the gay part out.

01:42:08.940 But so actually they did it all.

01:42:10.320 It was a positive thing.

01:42:11.260 That article made it sound like it was negative, huh?

01:42:13.420 Yeah.

01:42:13.720 See, I could be wrong, but that's what it sounded like in order for them to get help or like

01:42:17.160 if they want to, it's something you can bill.

01:42:19.840 Is that right, Nick?

01:42:20.720 Are we in the right field here of it?

01:42:21.840 Yeah, I think Matt's right.

01:42:23.200 And I, but I do think people are just running with the headline and being like, Peru's.

01:42:27.980 Peru's fucked up, yeah.

01:42:29.020 Yeah, and then like the conservative side's like, fuck yeah, Peru.

01:42:31.680 Right, people will just read the headline.

01:42:33.300 That'll be it.

01:42:34.320 And the conservatives are like, fuck yeah, Peru.

01:42:36.580 Um, who was that speaker?

01:42:38.220 They had a guy who was speaking yesterday.

01:42:39.980 It was the kicker from, um.

01:42:42.040 Harrison Bucker.

01:42:42.920 Yeah, you see this?

01:42:45.000 This was going around.

01:42:47.120 He was speaking at a Catholic school, Benedict College.

01:42:51.180 Congratulations on an amazing accomplishment.

01:42:54.260 You should be proud of all that you have achieved to this point in your young lives.

01:42:57.800 I want to speak directly to you briefly because I think it is you, the women, who have had

01:43:02.980 the most diabolical lies told to you.

01:43:05.440 How many of you are sitting here now about to cross this stage and are thinking about

01:43:09.540 all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career?

01:43:12.980 Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to

01:43:16.760 guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will

01:43:21.500 bring into this world.

01:43:22.520 I can tell you that my beautiful wife, Isabel, would be the first to say that her life truly

01:43:27.880 started when she began living her vocation as a wife and as a mother.

01:43:32.880 I'm on this stage today and able to be the man I am because I have a wife who leans into

01:43:38.520 her vocation.

01:43:40.280 I'm beyond blessed with the many talents God has given me, but it cannot be overstated

01:43:44.880 that all of my success is made possible because a girl I met in band class back in middle school

01:43:51.700 would convert to the faith.

01:43:56.560 You love middle school, huh?

01:43:57.480 Become high school.

01:43:59.160 And embrace one of the most important titles of all.

01:44:01.660 Dude.

01:44:02.360 Hallmaker.

01:44:03.200 Okay.

01:44:04.520 Yo.

01:44:05.380 It's a kind of a sweet, heartfelt thing.

01:44:07.560 It's just like he may have, he might have, you know, ran that by.

01:44:12.400 I think it's a nice sentiment that he's trying to go for, but it's also like, dude.

01:44:17.560 Well, he's, yeah.

01:44:18.420 Uh, he's saying that, well, first of all, I do, I wonder if our school, does it look

01:44:26.180 at homemaking because we live, a lot of people are divorced now.

01:44:29.840 People are raised with only one parent.

01:44:31.600 Yeah.

01:44:31.880 You know, my mother had to work all the time, you know, your dad.

01:44:35.680 So then your mom has to do both jobs or your dad has to do both jobs.

01:44:38.480 A lot of times, if you're not able to see both parents, um, it's not a safe place for

01:44:42.860 even an animal to be raised with a single parent and we promote it.

01:44:47.800 It feels like a lot with our society.

01:44:50.140 Dude, it's impossible.

01:44:50.980 They used to do that at social work school.

01:44:52.160 Like there's no difference.

01:44:52.920 We'd have in a single parent and two.

01:44:54.180 It's like, yeah, they're, what the fuck are you talking about?

01:44:56.340 So different.

01:44:57.020 Gigantic difference.

01:44:57.740 It's, dude, it'd be impossible.

01:44:59.120 If I had to raise kids by myself, it's, it's real.

01:45:01.360 It's, you can't, it's hard to do.

01:45:02.940 I'm not gonna say you can't do it, but it's like, it is so fucking hard.

01:45:07.220 It's crazy.

01:45:08.600 So, yeah, I don't think that this, I definitely understand where this at a Christian college

01:45:14.040 is Benedictine.

01:45:14.960 It sounds like a Christian.

01:45:16.060 Okay.

01:45:16.540 So it's not that crazy.

01:45:17.640 Right.

01:45:18.880 My thing, it's, it's kind of like, I do feel like, you know, people do hear, hate hearing

01:45:24.620 this, but I, there is some truth to that in terms of like, I do think it's a, I just

01:45:31.900 feel sad if a woman does like, gets all like, you know, has it jammed in her head that she

01:45:35.780 has to like rise at a fortune 500 company and slowly is like, damn, I kind of wish I had

01:45:40.260 kids.

01:45:40.360 Like having kids is more meaningful than being like an insurance salesman, you know what

01:45:43.780 I'm saying?

01:45:43.940 Like in terms of experience.

01:45:45.700 So yeah, I feel like it's like, it's a thing women have, it's an insecurity that if they

01:45:48.840 don't work, they're somehow have been brainwashed into like some old, like, you know, outdated

01:45:54.740 value system that like they should fight against it.

01:45:56.880 But you know, in reality, I do think that a lot of women, you know, would probably like

01:46:03.260 to not be at their job and like, you know, be at home doing stuff.

01:46:05.900 It's a fucking, it is a job.

01:46:07.360 It's a massive, insane undertaking.

01:46:10.060 Well, it's, it's a job that's being, that's not getting done right now.

01:46:13.360 Yeah.

01:46:13.700 It feels like in our country.

01:46:15.340 Yeah.

01:46:15.600 Cause it's almost like a, like dude, women, like they're allergic to like minivans.

01:46:18.900 Like if you show a woman a minivan, they'll spaz like, no, I'd never drive that.

01:46:22.020 Then they'll drive like a crossover, which is just a fucking minivan in disguise.

01:46:24.800 You can't tell them it's a minivan now.

01:46:26.260 You can't, they'll spaz, but there, there is something almost.

01:46:28.400 Even at night a crossover kind of like takes its fucking sides off and minivan pops out.

01:46:32.920 It has a cigarette.

01:46:34.380 God.

01:46:34.940 But yeah, again, it's like.

01:46:36.040 In the uniform all day.

01:46:37.780 Yeah.

01:46:38.160 I would never tell a woman like you can't work.

01:46:40.020 No, you can do whatever you want.

01:46:41.600 Of course.

01:46:42.240 Of course.

01:46:42.480 Well, I also think some of it isn't over.

01:46:44.260 Like there was a time where women like were abused in the workplace.

01:46:48.200 They were taken advantage of.

01:46:49.620 For sure.

01:46:49.880 They were used for sex to get promotions.

01:46:52.560 They were promised promotions and not given them.

01:46:55.220 They had no, they would go to court, but the men in town had the power and they would

01:47:00.660 influence the judges.

01:47:01.600 There was no, it's a fucking nightmare.

01:47:03.600 It's been a nightmare for women to get the equality that they needed to also to just

01:47:10.060 have money really, which was the power.

01:47:12.700 Yeah.

01:47:12.900 Right.

01:47:13.100 It's definitely been a hell of a journey, but yeah, I wonder sometimes if the pendulum

01:47:17.680 will swing back some and you will have more women that are just like, I want to be a

01:47:22.100 homemaker and I want to be a good mom and create a good household.

01:47:27.780 And a lot of the women in our society, I think they're a reflection of men, you know, I think

01:47:33.600 we don't realize that a lot of times.

01:47:34.920 Like if your wife is happy, not all the time, but you know, they're a reflection of, of their,

01:47:43.680 of men, you know, does it make any sense?

01:47:46.400 It does.

01:47:46.700 It makes total sense, man.

01:47:47.740 Yeah.

01:47:47.920 Like if you love your wife and you lift her up and you, you know, you, then she lives

01:47:53.440 that way.

01:47:54.220 Yeah.

01:47:54.560 You know?

01:47:54.920 And if as a father, you do that probably with your daughters, they live that way.

01:47:58.960 Yeah.

01:47:59.180 You know, I always sometimes feel like they're, they're, they're, they're a reflection of the

01:48:06.360 men in their lives.

01:48:07.680 Yeah, it's true, man.

01:48:08.500 It's hard too, especially like, you know, with any job, it's just hard to like, remember

01:48:11.840 like, okay, yeah.

01:48:12.700 Cause you get so wrapped up in your job.

01:48:14.100 You're like, oh, I have to like set up like a culture in this house and make sure everyone's

01:48:18.520 okay.

01:48:18.860 And like do stuff.

01:48:19.840 Cause you get, you get into a thing where you're just like, all right, I'm done my work.

01:48:23.380 I'm going to go home.

01:48:24.100 We're going to watch TV.

01:48:25.100 We're going to chill.

01:48:25.660 And I totally get that.

01:48:26.620 But yeah, it's, it takes a lot of effort and no one's really incentivizing you toward

01:48:30.740 that effort.

01:48:31.140 Like with work, everyone's like, you know, they're dangling carrots over your face all,

01:48:34.340 you know, all day long.

01:48:35.180 But for having kids and like raising a family, it's totally up to you to be like, here's

01:48:40.040 how we're going to do this.

01:48:40.860 And it's, it's difficult, but I do think women got sold an idea that like, they have

01:48:44.820 to be kick-ass businesswomen and like anything less than that is like a failure and like

01:48:48.880 a disgrace for like the women's struggle.

01:48:51.000 And it's like, well, I think that, I think the women's struggle helped and people finding

01:48:54.720 out like, oh yeah, people were pretty miserable to women for a long time.

01:48:57.700 Now just let them do whatever they, whatever they really want to do, let them do.

01:49:00.820 I get why people are mad at that, but I still am like, that's not a bad thing.

01:49:04.740 And he's genuinely thinks he's trying to help people, man.

01:49:06.420 He's not trying to be like a dick and like stay at home, bitch.

01:49:08.960 Yeah.

01:49:09.920 At one point, Bucker mentioned the word pride, then clarified that he wasn't talking about

01:49:13.260 the deadly sin sort of pride that has an entire month dedicated to it, but the true

01:49:17.100 God-centered pride that is cooperating with the Holy Ghost to glorify him.

01:49:20.040 Okay, so he really, so he's just a devout, he's a devout Christian or Catholic maybe.

01:49:26.020 I mean, that's the, the thing is about some of this, it's like, you can't go to a devout

01:49:30.700 Catholic and, and, and expect non-devout Catholic shit, you know?

01:49:35.540 That's what I love about like the way the media covers a lot of this stuff.

01:49:38.520 It's like, yeah, most people might not agree with the guy or some people might not, but

01:49:42.800 you can't go to a chocolate shop and get pissed when somebody fucking gives you some chocolate

01:49:48.460 true.

01:49:49.160 Yeah.

01:49:50.000 That guy's a devout Catholic.

01:49:52.200 Then that's what he believes.

01:49:53.600 It's like, it was a safe space.

01:49:54.960 He was in a safe space and you know, it's like if my dad sat in like a liberal safe space,

01:49:59.220 he'd be incensed.

01:50:00.400 He'd freak.

01:50:01.260 Yeah.

01:50:01.520 So it's like, yeah, he doesn't go there.

01:50:03.020 So it's like, yeah, I get it.

01:50:04.140 It's like, dude, I, I get if you're gay, that would piss you off.

01:50:07.060 But if you're not gay or like whatever.

01:50:08.500 And if you're like super Christian, you're like, fuck yeah.

01:50:10.640 It all depends on like what you're up to.

01:50:11.860 Right.

01:50:12.020 There's people for everybody, you know, but we act like sometimes the media acts like there's not

01:50:15.960 people for everybody in a way they only want to create, but then that's their job.

01:50:20.960 Yeah.

01:50:21.240 Maybe I'm being a downer today.

01:50:22.760 No, you're not being a downer.

01:50:23.760 It is like, I mean, we're having like, dude, there's a guy, Ken Wilber who writes, I think

01:50:28.920 it's like the best take on this I've ever heard about how historically human beings have gone

01:50:33.920 through just different levels of just consciousness, consciousness, where it's like, like originally

01:50:38.220 the thing that like motivated humans, like the highest ideal is just being powerful and

01:50:43.860 dominating others.

01:50:44.620 Like if you're a Roman, if you're like, you know, like Alexander the Great, if you went

01:50:49.360 and fucked up a whole bunch of people, you were like, you would be like, God loves me.

01:50:53.840 This is awesome.

01:50:54.580 And then we kind of evolved into like Christianity and all that, you know, whatever.

01:50:58.540 That was kind of like, actually, you know, we should be nicer to each other.

01:51:01.560 And then we came up like, we should be nice to other Christians and like kind of fuck everybody

01:51:04.720 else.

01:51:04.980 So we went from like, they call it like power gods to mythic membership and then from mythic membership

01:51:09.920 to the scientific worldview.

01:51:11.160 And they're saying the last one, the newest worldview has been this kind of like woke

01:51:16.040 kind of video, like postmodern woke ideology.

01:51:18.140 And now we have people at different levels of this and they're all just entrenched in their

01:51:21.200 worldview and fighting each other.

01:51:22.560 And he's like, it's just going to go on, you know, until people are just like, all right,

01:51:25.500 fuck it.

01:51:25.760 And they transcend all of them.

01:51:26.800 Like, look, it's you do your thing.

01:51:28.600 I get it.

01:51:29.040 I don't agree, but like, I don't hate you because of it.

01:51:31.540 Yeah.

01:51:31.780 That's the part.

01:51:32.400 Yeah.

01:51:32.500 I think hating people because of it's bizarre to me, but I'm not shot.

01:51:37.800 Like a Christian guy at a Christian college said some really Christian shit.

01:51:43.460 He did.

01:51:43.940 Yeah.

01:51:44.180 So it's like that to me, it's not even fucking news.

01:51:47.000 You know, it's like, let him be who he wants to be.

01:51:49.860 You know, he said, I love my wife and I'm not gay.

01:51:52.020 It's like, yeah, that's for sure.

01:51:54.420 Right.

01:51:55.740 Yeah.

01:51:56.580 I'm not, yeah, I'm not saying I agree with everything the guy says or anything, but let

01:51:59.220 him speak.

01:51:59.920 It's like, yeah, I think the guy should be able to speak.

01:52:03.560 You said a little bit ago that you think there's like a wave, a faith wave that's starting

01:52:07.040 up.

01:52:07.180 I think so.

01:52:07.460 Can I pee real quick?

01:52:08.160 I'm about to, I for real might pee my pants on camera.

01:52:10.880 Go pee.

01:52:11.320 And we're almost done anyway.

01:52:12.280 That was like a 5 a.m. pee, dude.

01:52:13.640 That was like five minutes long.

01:52:15.680 Amen.

01:52:16.420 All right.

01:52:17.160 Sorry about that.

01:52:18.180 No worries.

01:52:18.620 It was a good pee.

01:52:19.700 Hey, yeah.

01:52:20.280 I saw you in there.

01:52:20.980 I can't, you were peeing and I came in and then when I left, you were still peeing.

01:52:27.100 I laughed.

01:52:27.580 Yeah.

01:52:28.000 I was, it was crazy.

01:52:28.960 I was embarrassed about how long I was peeing for.

01:52:30.980 I'm like, come on, dude.

01:52:31.760 Hurry up.

01:52:32.480 Yeah.

01:52:32.740 There is that weird thing.

01:52:33.720 It's like, it's so funny.

01:52:34.520 You'll get embarrassed if you can't pee.

01:52:36.320 Yeah.

01:52:36.700 And then you'll get embarrassed if you're peeing too long because people, even if you're

01:52:39.620 standing there facing the urinal with your wiener, people will be like, that dude's

01:52:43.440 taking a shit.

01:52:44.180 Yeah.

01:52:45.680 True.

01:52:47.660 Like this fucking dude is taking a shit.

01:52:49.940 Or you'll think the people outside think you're taking a shit.

01:52:52.640 Like, at what point do people think you're taking a shit?

01:52:55.340 Look that up.

01:52:56.760 Shitting in the urinal is crazy too.

01:52:58.840 That's a wild move.

01:53:00.000 Shitting in the urinal is a insane move.

01:53:02.940 It should be treason.

01:53:03.640 You should get hung.

01:53:04.880 Yeah.

01:53:05.360 I mean, look, it's a...

01:53:07.940 You should be shot by a firing squad.

01:53:09.740 It's like the highest offense.

01:53:10.460 Well, no.

01:53:10.560 It means you should be allowed to be a lifeguard, dude.

01:53:13.300 Okay.

01:53:14.140 Obviously.

01:53:15.060 According to Scientific American, mammals that weigh more than six and a half pounds,

01:53:18.380 that's us, take about 20 pounds.

01:53:19.920 21 seconds to urinate, plus or minus 13 seconds.

01:53:24.240 Whoa.

01:53:24.560 You see that last part?

01:53:25.680 Mm-mm.

01:53:26.220 Oh, no.

01:53:26.640 When you pass a stool, the relaxation of the stronger anal sphincter decreases tension

01:53:30.820 in the weaker urinary sphincter, allowing urine to pass at the same time.

01:53:34.160 Okay.

01:53:35.200 That's weird.

01:53:35.980 What does that fact mean?

01:53:37.120 That you can pee while you poop?

01:53:39.400 I don't think you can, huh?

01:53:40.800 I don't think...

01:53:41.160 I've never done it.

01:53:42.820 I think it's saying that when you pee, you make it up.

01:53:45.020 If you pee while you poop, the fucking cops will show up.

01:53:49.500 Who does that?

01:53:50.420 We're in Philadelphia?

01:53:51.440 That's crazy.

01:53:52.100 I've never heard anyone successfully do it.

01:53:53.960 That's crazy, dude.

01:53:55.240 If you pee while you poop.

01:53:55.820 If I...

01:53:56.380 I would never do that, dude.

01:53:58.100 Yeah.

01:53:58.660 I live by a church, dude.

01:53:59.700 They would know immediately when I went in there.

01:54:01.620 They'd be like, yep, he did it.

01:54:05.600 You were talking about faith, man.

01:54:07.300 You think there's going to be like a...

01:54:09.260 People need something.

01:54:10.500 I do think that not having faith is...

01:54:16.080 There's something that's not helped people.

01:54:17.800 The rest of this seems fucking aimless.

01:54:21.100 Life starts to seem kind of aimless and purposeless.

01:54:23.800 That's the thing.

01:54:24.980 Yeah.

01:54:25.300 I honestly like...

01:54:26.740 It was like Bill Maher was all about this way back in the day when he did Religious

01:54:30.140 where he went around and debated conservative Baptist Christians down south

01:54:35.360 and was like, you actually think a guy in the sky?

01:54:38.220 And it's like, that whole argument's ridiculous.

01:54:40.160 But it was cool to be atheistic back when there was still kind of a stronghold of religion.

01:54:45.540 But now we've lost it all.

01:54:47.560 And dude, it's terrifying to be like, we're just totally alone.

01:54:50.600 We're like a cosmic mistake that's just here like a fucking amoeba just eating and shitting.

01:54:55.780 I think now that it's completely collapsed, it'll get rebuilt in, I think, a more thoughtful kind of way

01:55:04.100 where it isn't like a literal interpretation.

01:55:06.400 If that's people's thing, whatever.

01:55:07.740 But it's evolved a lot in terms of the concept of God, what it could possibly mean,

01:55:12.760 the consciousness in the universe.

01:55:14.680 And then you take the Eastern stuff that's kind of blending in,

01:55:17.460 and then you add YouTube, which is like now people can learn about anything

01:55:20.680 and kind of reconceptualize their own connection to God

01:55:23.900 rather than just kind of like being in Sunday school

01:55:25.840 and having someone just being like, this is how this works.

01:55:28.640 Because there's like, with religion, and again, this is more just Ken Wilber stuff.

01:55:32.440 He talks about, there's like translative religions where it's like them telling-

01:55:35.480 And he's a human being?

01:55:36.300 Ken Wilber, yeah, he's a human being.

01:55:37.740 He's doing his stuff.

01:55:38.720 I think he's one of the smartest guys out there.

01:55:41.320 Still alive?

01:55:42.120 Yeah, he's still alive.

01:55:42.960 He lives, I think he lives in Boulder.

01:55:43.940 Sure, he's a 75.

01:55:46.080 But yeah, so he talks about-

01:55:47.440 I'd love to meet him.

01:55:47.620 Let's keep that in the list.

01:55:48.540 Bro, he would be a fantastic get.

01:55:51.520 But he talks about this, how a lot of the religion people grew up with here

01:55:55.040 is like translative, where it's just kind of like,

01:55:57.120 here's how the universe was built, and here's what happened then.

01:55:59.340 And like it doesn't, there's no process toward like transforming yourself.

01:56:04.420 He's like, there's translative, and then there's transformative religion.

01:56:07.240 A lot of the Eastern stuff is more about like transforming yourself.

01:56:10.340 But then that, you know, whatever.

01:56:11.620 So like I think within here, if people can kind of start to learn about,

01:56:15.940 there are pathways to transform yourself over an entire lifetime

01:56:19.680 to make you a more loving person, and like, you know, you can tap it, whatever.

01:56:23.520 I don't know.

01:56:23.900 I'm like out of my element.

01:56:25.440 Yeah, you sound insane a little, but I also think that you're a very smart guy

01:56:30.680 and a super communicative guy, man.

01:56:32.480 Thank you, man.

01:56:33.920 But I think, yeah, I think there is, it is getting, I was just joking.

01:56:36.700 No, that's funny.

01:56:37.220 And I do, I lose the thread hard on myself.

01:56:40.160 Oh, I hate that, dude.

01:56:41.320 Dude, it happens to me all the time.

01:56:42.640 I swear, I'm like, I'm right there.

01:56:44.000 It's the worst, bro.

01:56:45.380 It's like when you tell people to come over, you're going to show them something,

01:56:47.280 and then there's nothing there.

01:56:49.600 But it's like 30 feet away.

01:56:51.340 I can feel it.

01:56:52.140 That's the problem.

01:56:52.680 I can feel it.

01:56:53.320 I just can't put it into words.

01:56:54.320 Oh, yeah, dude.

01:56:56.280 Imagine how Biden feels in this fucking nothing.

01:56:59.320 I make fun of him all the time.

01:57:00.580 I'm just as bad as him.

01:57:01.680 I'm like, oh, and then, but they're like, when you do learn about stuff like that.

01:57:06.080 Imagine when he closes his eyes, he just sees it.

01:57:07.960 It's just like a pigeon eating a caramel or whatever.

01:57:11.040 There's nothing in there.

01:57:12.620 It's crazy.

01:57:13.880 He's obviously just being used, obviously, by the new Jim Henson, whoever those people are.

01:57:20.120 But no, there is something about religion.

01:57:21.540 There is something about like, yeah, having faith, believing in something that's greater than us.

01:57:27.000 And, yeah, I think maybe we get away from like the word.

01:57:29.960 It's like not as locked into the words of things, but more about the feeling and what it means to be human.

01:57:36.380 And then also, like if you use certain religions, if Christianity or Mohammedism or whatever is your pathway to believe in faith, then that's just your pathway.

01:57:49.980 You know, I think getting past the point of like thinking that no one else can have another pathway to like that seems kind of outdated, you know?

01:57:57.620 That's the Ken Wilber guy.

01:57:58.800 So that's an example of mythic membership where you're like, my group has absolute direct access to reality.

01:58:04.780 Everyone else is wrong.

01:58:06.120 And he says what we'll all get to eventually is called tier two thinking where you go like, I can see where you're coming from.

01:58:10.980 This is kind of my thing.

01:58:12.180 What you're doing sick.

01:58:13.200 We're all kind of doing, you know, the same thing in essence with like different, you know, we got like different clothes on in terms of our thoughts.

01:58:18.380 We're all doing the same thing.

01:58:19.680 But, yeah, dude, it's like there's like, dude, if without, I think if you're religious, like actually religious, like you have like a spirit, real spiritual connection.

01:58:25.740 I think on average you live like eight years longer.

01:58:27.860 Yeah.

01:58:28.120 It's crazy.

01:58:28.560 The study and the studies are just like irrefutable.

01:58:31.760 Oh, well, imagine just the only thing that you cared about.

01:58:34.640 I mean, I even notice as I get older, it's like I don't have a family, right?

01:58:38.140 I don't have a wife or children.

01:58:41.400 I'm at home sometimes and I'm like, what am I even doing?

01:58:44.200 Yeah.

01:58:45.000 Yeah.

01:58:45.260 I've done that myself where you sit there and you're like, what am I going to do now?

01:58:48.560 What is the purpose of any or what is like?

01:58:51.480 Like there's purposeful stuff that happens in moments and things to think about and enjoy.

01:58:55.440 And I'm not being like a downer about myself or about my life, but just like, yeah, what there isn't, there must be something greater than just this.

01:59:05.000 And so, yeah, I think family helps you see that.

01:59:08.460 Believing in something, getting up every day and believing that the universe cares about you.

01:59:12.520 I think having a society that reflects that we care about each other and that we care about the universe and that it cares about us, too, you know?

01:59:20.700 Yeah, and it's not that crazy to be like, we somehow, consciousness emerged within our heads.

01:59:27.280 Why would it not be something prevalent?

01:59:29.700 Like, why would it not be in the universe itself?

01:59:31.900 Like, the universe at whole isn't conscious, but somehow out of unconsciousness, we have consciousness.

01:59:37.060 Yeah.

01:59:37.260 It gets real crazy.

01:59:39.200 It is.

01:59:39.540 It's total cap.

01:59:40.820 It's fucking cap as fuck, dude.

01:59:42.600 It's not that crazy.

01:59:43.040 You don't think a universe that can't think made something they could think, dude.

01:59:45.640 That's what I'm saying.

01:59:46.080 And designed itself perfectly.

01:59:48.840 It's unbelievable the way it's set up.

01:59:50.860 Perfectly.

01:59:51.680 So, yeah, that's, for me, the older I've gotten, I've been like, you know, and that's why they call it faith.

01:59:56.640 It's like, I can't prove it, but it's like, I will definitely hedge my bets on, like, dude, the universe, it's also like, it's like an ant trying to explain Florida.

02:00:04.860 Like, they can't comprehend Florida, but like, for some reason, humans have this inkling that there is something beyond themselves.

02:00:11.020 And it's totally universal, too.

02:00:12.540 So, that's a good point, dude.

02:00:14.200 Totally universal in human beings throughout pretty much all of time.

02:00:18.460 Yeah, you'd have to, how could you trick?

02:00:20.480 You could never, and it's not even like, I don't even know a ton about religion, but if I look up at the fucking sky at night, I feel like there's something happening here.

02:00:29.880 Exactly.

02:00:31.040 What it is ain't exactly here.

02:00:34.300 Exactly.

02:00:35.120 You go, I am that sky.

02:00:36.500 There's a man with a gun over there.

02:00:39.520 And now we're back in Philadelphia.

02:00:40.880 Guys, Matt McCusker.

02:00:43.940 Thank you so much, man.

02:00:45.100 Dude, congratulations.

02:00:47.720 Everybody loves you so much.

02:00:48.900 I'm so grateful that you and Shane have each other and have been on this journey together.

02:00:53.980 And yeah, just thanks for coming and spending time with us today, man.

02:00:56.580 Thanks for having me, man.

02:00:57.620 Awesome.

02:00:57.940 Thank you.

02:00:59.000 Now I'm just floating on the breeze

02:01:02.000 And I feel I'm falling like these leaves

02:01:04.940 I must be cornerstone

02:01:08.240 Oh, but when I reach that ground

02:01:12.820 I'll share this peace of mind

02:01:14.980 And I found I can feel it

02:01:17.040 In my bones

02:01:19.160 But it's gonna take

02:01:21.700 Amen

02:01:22.200 Amen

02:01:23.460 Amen

02:01:24.600 Amen

02:01:25.040 Amen

02:01:25.160 Amen

02:01:25.540 Amen

02:01:25.980 Amen

02:01:26.860 Amen

02:01:27.000 Amen

02:01:27.540 Amen

02:01:27.960 Amen

02:01:40.600 Amen

02:01:42.680 Amen

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - May 20, 2024

E504 Matt McCusker

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