E535 Joe Gatto
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 57 minutes
Words per Minute
223.82794
Summary
Joe Gatto has been entertaining humans and taking care of dogs for most of his life, and we re lucky to have been on the receiving end of some of that. You know him from Impractical Jokers. He has a new stand-up comedy special out on YouTube called Messing With People, as well as a new children s book called Where's Barry? I always enjoy my time and grateful to sit down with just a light of the world.
Transcript
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We hope you're enjoying your Air Canada flight.
00:00:10.720
Fast-free Wi-Fi means I can make dinner reservations before we land.
00:00:25.260
Wi-Fi available to Airplane members on Equipped Flight.
00:01:03.240
Today's guest has been entertaining humans and taking care of dogs for most of his life.
00:01:11.080
And we're lucky to have been on the receiving end of some of that.
00:01:16.300
He has a new stand-up comedy special out on YouTube called Messing With People,
00:01:22.360
as well as a new children's book called Where's Barry?
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I always enjoy my time and grateful to sit down with just a light of the world.
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Yeah, sometimes you just forget where you've been or where you haven't even been, you know?
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She just comes on the, when I'm not flying a lot, and I'm just on one or two and driving,
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Yeah, she's not a great flyer, but she loves to chill.
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In Japan, they were giving pills to a lot of those dogs so they could take good, cool
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You see the ones with their tongue hanging out?
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I know those, I have a lot of those kinds of dogs because I have a senior dog rescue
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and all their teeth are out, so they just, yeah, they just hang out.
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I didn't know they do a pill-induced tongue out.
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Yeah, bring that up if the Japanese were, um...
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They're taking, they wanted the tongue out, so it was like, it made them like really like
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It just like, you know, like that, yeah, like...
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Like they lived in Baltimore, kind of, you know, like some of these Baltimore hitchhikers.
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Yeah, you're just looking at medication, brother.
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Or some of the, they hide a lot of the good shit on Google.
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Yeah, that's something, you gotta dig deep sometimes.
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Sometimes the way that Google finishes you, or do you ever find that, like when you put
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in something and the way the search engine finishes what you started is more interesting
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Last time we saw each other, we were both in the same city on tour, and we got some pizza.
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I think we left, and you just went, yeah, you went back later that evening.
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We ordered these pizzas, and they gave it to us, yeah.
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Yeah, oh, those people were, they did not want to give it up.
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And I'm like, well, if you don't want to give out the food, then don't be a restaurant,
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I toured with it for two and a half years, and you know how it is.
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When you guys taped it, how many tapings did you do?
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I did the Paramount in Huntington, Long Island, and it was fun, man.
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Like, it was, the first one, you know, you get a little nervous.
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Like, it's all, and I wasn't used, the jib almost knocked me out like four times, because
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I'm very physical on stage running around, you know?
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So, I ran to like the side, and the jib was like right there.
00:06:07.980
And then the next, I was working that week, and then Q came out and stuff.
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Like, because do you still do the touring show with them or no?
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They just wrapped up their last tour, and I came out on stage there.
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And then when they did Radio City, I popped out.
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Because they just came out with their last, the 11th season, right, of their show?
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But yeah, I mean, you know, you're missing with your friends.
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The hardest part for me is, like, it's appointment friendship now, right?
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Like, you got to think about, like, you used to see each other all the time.
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And now it's like, you know, like, I feel like, you know, I haven't seen you in front, right?
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And when you see them, it's like, they're working together or doing something.
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So, but everybody always asks, are you still friends?
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I always tell people, like, no, I hate those guys.
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I was saying for a while that Sal had slept with my wife.
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And he's like, dude, you got to stop saying that.
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Just trying to see each other gets a little tricky.
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I think that just gets trickier as you get older, too.
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Like, just being an adult, it's like, everything gets, like, more appointment.
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That's why I miss, like, I, it's like, you never know when you're in, like, high school
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and college and stuff like that, that those are going to be, like, the greatest times
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Everybody's, you're going to bump, the bump into factor of a college campus, right?
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You might just bump into somebody on the way to the CAF or something.
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That's totally different because you're all enclosed like a community.
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Like, you're living on this, you know, this stockade thing.
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It's like, but you don't realize that when you're there.
00:08:02.240
Like, I remember whenever I was, like, graduating high school or whatever, I was like, thank
00:08:06.580
But then you don't realize that, like, 10 years later, you'd do anything to go back and have
00:08:13.760
But there were some people you were looking forward to getting rid of, too.
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Like, you're like, I cannot wait till I don't have to see this person again.
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Like, the ROTC guys were really, at our school, were very, they kind of acted like they were
00:08:27.740
You know, like those guys with the wooden guns, you'd see them after school or whatever?
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And they wouldn't even have, like, the part of the gun that, like, had the bullets in
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And they would be running through the halls, like, yelling different quadrants at each
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We didn't have ROTC at our school, but we definitely had different cliques.
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Because I went to an all-boy Catholic high school.
00:09:00.900
So an all-boy school definitely had, like, a different type of, like, clique setup kind
00:09:04.800
of thing, where you had your jocks and your mathletes, which I was a proud leader of.
00:09:17.540
But then humor, like, once people found you were funny in high school and you're with all
00:09:23.720
I think it's, like, oh, you know, and then people, like, want to be around you and having
00:09:27.940
So once my humor started coming out, it was a different animal.
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Dude, being funny in high school, that was, like, the...
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I think that's what it was, too, because you always had an audience around.
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And you always had, like, everybody was right there.
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So you could make so many jokes and references.
00:09:44.540
And, like, you'd see each other in the hallway in between classes.
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And that was the weirdest thing, because you had, like, one second where you were passing
00:09:58.320
So I used to pratfall into my Spanish class every day.
00:10:01.100
And Mrs. Lonzo, my teacher, always thought it was this guy, Mike Irving, that was tripping
00:10:09.160
And I was like, oh, he tripped me, you know, like that.
00:10:11.200
So when I got my diploma, my mom knew that I was big.
00:10:13.860
And my mom was always like, you know, you have to be respectful.
00:10:23.720
She's like, if you trip on stage, you're done, you're done.
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I was like, all right, I can't make my mom mad.
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They were, like, they were giving out these awards.
00:10:36.820
And I went up, and when I went to get the award on stage, I bit it.
00:10:43.800
I was like, that's the reason why I won that award.
00:10:58.920
Yep, I still got actually a pretty decent amount.
00:11:01.700
I've always done a good job of, like, trying to call and connect every now and then
00:11:08.760
And, yeah, so I keep in contact pretty decently with some of them.
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My buddy Scott, from where we was, like, in second grade or whatever.
00:11:32.000
And then some people can't be there, you know, and then they feel bummed out about it.
00:11:39.200
There's two different, you know, schools of thought about it, you know, but...
00:11:44.360
Like, it's like you're making a memory for everybody that can make it.
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You might as well get this big memory out of it instead of being at a, you know, a hall
00:11:54.240
hitting the Queens, you know, and spending all this money.
00:12:00.780
But I just, at the end of the day, I feel like it's a big ask.
00:12:07.140
So after we got back together, my wife and I, we were thinking about doing that.
00:12:20.080
So I was 47 years old for my first time living alone in an apartment.
00:12:26.720
Look, if you and your wife get separated, you have to get an apartment.
00:12:34.720
That was actually the reason kind of like why we got back together was I had put a bid in on a
00:12:40.640
house because it was like, okay, this is not happening.
00:12:52.340
And so I was like, are you Joe from my practice?
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Could you imagine you're going to the fire drill of your building and Joe is there in
00:13:09.440
You're just out there with a fucking million pups?
00:13:13.100
And then, so then I put a bid on a house and I didn't get it.
00:13:16.620
And then I was like, oh, I had to look at another house.
00:13:18.120
And I said to her, I was like, oh, what about...
00:13:22.280
And she just went, do you want to get back together?
00:13:23.960
And I just instantly, I just went, yeah, do you?
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And that was the first time we said it out loud.
00:13:34.740
I was doing a dog event in the city and we were waiting in a hotel room for the dogs to be ready.
00:13:39.280
And then we just started talking for like four hours.
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And then I said, okay, let's give it a couple of months.
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It was like those white, freshly painted sheet rock.
00:13:57.280
Like I hung like one picture and then I was like, I don't even know if I like that there.
00:14:00.340
You know, it was just like, it felt like you had to.
00:14:02.100
Went on Wayfair and I bought a bunch of like discount furniture.
00:14:04.980
And I go to the house, there's all the nice furniture and everything.
00:14:09.600
You're like, hey, at least let me come back and shower.
00:14:16.640
And what did you, right after you guys decided, okay, we're going to do that.
00:14:21.040
We had dinner that next, well, we always, I always went to the house for dinner.
00:14:27.860
I was always at the house having dinner, family dinner.
00:14:32.940
Because at the time, they're nine and seven now.
00:14:34.700
So they were between, you know, six and eight or whatever.
00:14:37.720
And the next night we went to one of our favorite restaurants in town.
00:14:42.400
And we just had a nice date night and it was nice.
00:14:48.320
And for a night up at this farm in upstate New York.
00:14:56.120
A lot of forgiveness and talking about, you know.
00:14:59.380
So I think the biggest thing always is in any relationship, you always, especially with
00:15:03.120
your significant other, you always think it's your soulmate and you know what they're
00:15:07.120
Like people, as well as somebody, you just have to say it.
00:15:12.700
Dude, the craziest thing is how hard it is to say stuff, even if like you're with the
00:15:18.640
It's like, and they would rather you probably say it so you can get to the next part.
00:15:26.160
And then you get mad that they don't know what you're thinking.
00:15:29.260
I said, you get mad because I don't know what you're thinking.
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I have no, I'll admit, I don't know what you're thinking.
00:15:34.680
You know, so that's like the biggest thing I found in relationship is really, as we
00:15:38.300
started to like get through it again, it's like, just say what you're feeling.
00:15:56.340
I mean, that shit's all that stuff's complicated, man, but that's awesome, man.
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And creatively, I'm doing everything that's good.
00:16:13.140
You know, it feels nice to be able to dabble in different stuff.
00:16:18.300
Cause I saw them, you give them like a hug for you on stage.
00:16:23.680
One, you gave a hug and one, you gave a high five.
00:16:34.980
My son is a little bit more of a wallflower, but he really likes to laugh and to make me
00:16:51.420
But then, yeah, this is my, my, my daughter and my son there.
00:17:18.600
I don't know if he turned it into a show, into a stage bit.
00:17:25.740
He's sitting next to like this beautiful Brazilian, Brazilian girl.
00:17:30.200
He said, and like the plane kept getting delayed or whatever.
00:17:34.620
Finally, they get them all off the plane and it's like midnight.
00:17:38.240
And the girl's like, you can come stay with me or whatever, you know, or at least she says
00:17:42.940
she could have said goodbye in Brazilian, but that's how he took it.
00:17:47.080
So he's like, she's like, why is this guy in my car?
00:17:56.160
So now they are all the, the, this girl he just met stay at the grandmother's house and
00:18:04.320
So they're sleep in one bed all together and they watched, um, I can't, I think they
00:18:10.520
watched Saving Private Ryan, which is a real warming, romantic story.
00:18:16.000
It's like the house in like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory where everybody sleeps in
00:18:26.920
Cause I think he thought he was going to go to this kind of romantic night and then he
00:18:31.640
And I guess something else occurred, but it was pretty unbelievable.
00:18:39.960
And they, oh, he said that they had popcorn and then, uh, yeah.
00:18:47.780
He, oh, could you imagine being somebody who came home from work and that's where you see
00:18:51.580
they like, what they, where they pick up this straggler.
00:19:00.700
Like we click really well on that, but he gets like, we make fun of him because, uh,
00:19:06.440
And we love to watch him eat when he's hungry because he literally, if you, he doesn't know
00:19:18.900
He's just like a little kid for the first time.
00:19:31.980
His energy is some of the best energy to be around.
00:19:49.780
Dikembe Mutombo Hall of Fame finger wagging center.
00:19:54.400
He kind of gave, uh, I wonder if after he did that, is that when they came out with those
00:20:00.400
No, I think those are, I think those were where number ones.
00:20:04.260
But I think people started using it and as it wasn't intended.
00:20:09.380
This was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're not.
00:20:16.940
That's funny that that becomes like your thing.
00:20:23.100
People are always like taking photos and people are like, can you do the.
00:20:31.180
Do you think when people want to take a picture with you or like when, when people see you,
00:20:49.240
Some, a lot of people don't believe in like people of the Orient, but, and also look at
00:20:54.420
I mean, there's, you know, there's definitely 50 shades of Chez Juan right here.
00:21:02.040
Then after we got to interview Trump, I get asked about that a lot.
00:21:05.400
Just what it was like to be there or something.
00:21:09.840
I think I talked to you when, when I saw you, there was just the rumblings that you might
00:21:14.100
And I think you told me, you were like, dude, it's crazy.
00:21:19.680
It was definitely a long time to come together.
00:21:22.260
It was kind of on and off and then it was just on.
00:21:28.220
Don't think, don't think, uh, I didn't notice you put on a suit jacket.
00:21:35.320
I think it's been at two funerals and one presidential interview, brother.
00:21:45.700
Dude, which finger, what finger is used for different stuff the most do you think?
00:22:04.360
This is, this is kind of, this is probably the most useless, right?
00:22:08.760
When you were a little kid, this became a big cause you'd be like, I'm not giving you
00:22:38.760
This is a parenting hack I heard from somebody.
00:22:41.820
Because a lot of times your kids are like far away if they're scared or something.
00:22:45.420
Teach them to give you a thumbs up if they're okay or a thumbs down if they're not.
00:22:48.200
Because if you can't see them or, you know, if you only can see them, you can't hear them.
00:22:51.440
So I had my daughter on top of like this huge slide down where I was by a playground.
00:23:06.960
Like if somebody goes, yo, there's like the wink back in the day.
00:23:23.980
Have you ever been so mad that you double barreled somebody with a double like FU?
00:23:28.760
Like that's a, that's a different level of getting somebody angry that they're like, I need both
00:23:32.980
Well, if you do this, this, and then you're a wreck too.
00:23:47.900
I wonder if in every culture, that means if every culture of people that's like world,
00:23:53.040
like all over, like if you were in like the jungles of Zimbabwe or something and
00:23:57.200
you saw it and you were angry at some dude, some guy popped out and surprised you.
00:24:04.200
He tries to stab you with his stick or whatever.
00:24:13.060
Like all those gestures, they all come from somewhere, which is so weird.
00:24:35.760
Glenn Burke, a former outfielder for the Los Angeles daughters is credit,
00:24:39.280
credited with inventing the high five during a game against the Houston Astros.
00:24:49.740
When he ran toward home plate and raised his hand,
00:24:51.640
agreed a teammate who had just rounded the base after a home run.
00:25:07.120
He was waving to his grandmother in the stands.
00:25:19.500
Do you ever get the aggressive fist bump where somebody just fights your fist?
00:25:22.400
They don't know how to, they just punch you in the hand.
00:25:25.940
You don't always want to be touching people and stuff, right?
00:25:29.280
And then people just come in to you and hit you hard.
00:25:33.200
Sometimes people will keep pushing against your hand.
00:25:39.080
And also people have, a lot of people have sweaty, wet hands now.
00:25:45.380
And when I was a kid, everybody's hands were dry, right?
00:25:47.540
Like, you know, sometimes you'd see like some facial sweat or somebody with like, who never
00:25:53.340
They'd have like a lot of sweat and hair on their neck or whatever.
00:25:55.860
But you didn't see people's hands just, you know.
00:26:01.100
The worst is when you're done with it, now this is your sweat that I have on my hand.
00:26:10.040
They don't give you any direction that's like, hey, here's some wet me.
00:26:16.880
This is some wet me that you have to deal with.
00:26:21.720
Dude, somebody said that Pharrell, the singer, had really dry hands.
00:26:31.820
That he wasn't like, he wasn't sweaty or was it dry to the fact that it was like, you
00:26:39.740
It could be from mixing those albums or whatever.
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I had a show in Evans that I had to reschedule.
00:29:34.160
And then Evans won the place, you know, the power.
00:29:44.160
And then they were like, you know, we don't have power.
00:29:46.820
I was like, we're not going to do comedy by candlelight.
00:29:51.760
But down there, the people are so, like, equipped to handle it and be, like, it's such a community
00:29:59.940
Like, because we were there and there was people going, driving over to be like, oh, we're just
00:30:03.460
going to go get, they had, like, family and whatnot.
00:30:05.260
I was talking to somebody at a restaurant and they were like, we got to go pick up my aunt.
00:30:08.400
Like, they just, like, know what to do and they're just ready for it.
00:30:12.040
Yeah, people in the South, they're really dialed in with their families.
00:30:14.580
You know, being close with your family is like, it's one of the main things.
00:30:23.900
You know, down there, everybody's got, yeah, Kenney, he's got, call Tim, he's got the,
00:30:28.840
People are like, I don't know one person with a pickup truck in New York.
00:30:33.640
People are like, I'll fucking help out right now.
00:30:36.200
Everybody knows CPR or knows a fireman that says he knows CPR.
00:30:40.440
CPR, and then when he has to prove it, it's a problem.
00:30:46.800
I was in a situation where somebody was choking on, I had to, I jumped into action.
00:30:52.780
Our tour manager, our tour manager had this, we didn't know he had this.
00:30:58.440
No, he was signing, we were doing the settlement down at the, we were in the hotel ballroom.
00:31:05.740
One of the things at the hotel, like we had a little room and he was signing the check
00:31:10.440
And, and he had had this condition when he coughed, he would lose his breath and just
00:31:16.920
So we started coughing and he was talking through it.
00:31:20.920
He's like, and he just goes, and he just shuts down.
00:31:26.160
And so I'm sitting next to him on one side, Murray's on the other.
00:31:32.280
So I hopped up and I was like, all right, I got to do something.
00:31:35.880
I did like an over the shoulder, like seatbelt, like, and I just started like shaking him,
00:31:41.480
Sal ran over and it was at the Hoyt Sherman, near the Hoyt Sherman theater.
00:31:44.860
And he ran and grabbed the phone that was connected to the bell desk.
00:31:49.000
And he was like, call 911 instead of calling 911.
00:31:54.400
And then all of a sudden he just came back to life.
00:31:59.880
And we're like, what are you talking about, dude?
00:32:03.880
The only person that had any skills was Q because he was a fireman and he was in bed.
00:32:13.440
Put a hot dog in my jaw and I'm going to sleep, dude.
00:32:18.240
So I'm not equipped for any of that emergency stuff.
00:32:22.220
We had one time, me and my buddy Scotty, the same guy I was talking about earlier,
00:32:30.620
And so we went, we got to the Waffle House, you know, and we were so excited.
00:32:42.640
And there was, and we were laughing so hard, dude.
00:32:48.120
And they had a gay gentleman working there, right?
00:32:54.200
You'd heard about it or seen drawings of like a guy like grabbing somebody's wing or something,
00:32:58.640
see somebody chisel that into like a tree or into like a side of a bridge or something.
00:33:02.240
But we'd never seen like a gay gentleman in the real life.
00:33:09.740
The fucking halfway house that has a waffle maker, you know?
00:33:16.200
And he's like being real, like, he had like as much gay as you could have inside of somebody,
00:33:24.100
And you could just see it kind of bubbling out of his shoulders every now and then, you
00:33:31.820
My buddy Scott, like, when he laughs, he kind of does like this choking thing.
00:33:35.920
So the guy thought that my buddy was choking, dude.
00:33:53.280
I remember I had to beat my feet against each other because like just I needed to get more
00:34:13.180
So that was like a crazy thing that happened, like the first time anybody ever choked by
00:34:21.800
And it's so weird that people don't know what to do.
00:34:25.420
When they do it well and the piece of the chicken bone just comes flying out or whatever.
00:34:33.400
Yeah, like that's so weird to take a lap because you just saved this guy because he
00:34:44.220
I was at a hotel in Hawaii and a guy starts choking at the breakfast bar.
00:34:58.860
Yeah, they had a couple of, they had those little, the big silver things.
00:35:08.560
And then there's like two of them that just have smoke coming out.
00:35:14.820
You're like, I think, I don't think that anything was ever in here, but they make it look like
00:35:18.660
You're scooping the water out thinking it's something exotic.
00:35:20.700
Like I'm getting out of the water in the hot water.
00:35:22.260
Oh God, I'll have another, honey, give me another bowl.
00:35:31.560
So this guy starts choking and they bring out one of those like divider things where you
00:35:37.620
just like can divide a room, you know, with one of those.
00:35:40.580
Cause there's like all these tables right there just eating.
00:35:43.020
And so they bring that out and one guy keeps eating and people are like, quit fucking
00:35:48.200
You don't fucking eat in front of a possible death situation.
00:35:54.980
You can hear this guy like struggling for his life, dude.
00:35:58.980
And this guy's chomping on his cornflakes over here and magic Johnson was there, dude.
00:36:05.440
So at a certain point, and this took a long time, they're trying to revive the guy.
00:36:08.320
And, um, and so at a certain point, everybody starts looking at magic Johnson, like fucking
00:36:16.540
Like just, yeah, go double dribble on his heart or something.
00:36:23.860
You can tell him you can't fucking pat him on the back in a special way.
00:36:31.320
And so it got so crazy and then nobody would eat, dude.
00:36:33.940
Cause they, they, they were really like, boom, raging into him and beating on his chest
00:36:38.860
And, um, and then finally I, they took him out of there.
00:36:51.780
It was last breakfast, but at a certain point we'd all sat there and then somebody has to
00:36:57.680
And the guy with the cornflakes is who's laughing now.
00:37:03.980
Taking the first bite in that situation is rough.
00:37:10.360
And I was like, I told my day, I was like, we're not doing, do not eat first.
00:37:16.940
I think everybody looks at magic Johnson in that situation.
00:37:19.120
And I think ceremoniously he should be like, let's eat.
00:37:22.520
It's like your dad at Thanksgiving when he's like, okay, we could do it.
00:37:30.640
So yeah, I mean, it's crazy because you're in the guy who can, who is magic himself and
00:37:39.380
I think it'd be worse if there was a real magician there.
00:37:42.900
Like if David Blaine was there and they're like, dude, make the chicken bone and his
00:37:47.240
Like make it come out of behind his ear or something, you know?
00:37:50.240
Keep pulling those rags out until there's a piece of chicken in the end.
00:37:53.220
At the end, he's got the bone coming out, right?
00:37:56.680
Um, yeah, dude, that flooding stuff, it makes me so sad.
00:38:01.100
And it doesn't seem like there's much you can do.
00:38:03.720
Like I've reached out to a couple of friends to find ways to like do, um, a type of event
00:38:11.340
They got, it came in hard, came to the coast, uh, the other side too.
00:38:34.100
Now you're going to have alligators rolling up to your porch.
00:38:51.920
They found that by like an Aeropostale or whatever.
00:38:57.000
But also it's like, I guess alligators never, the mall, you, if you're an animal, you never
00:39:03.460
Like I'm going to go and see what's on the sail rack.
00:39:09.180
The props to this guy for seeing that's an alligator.
00:39:11.780
I wouldn't have known that was an alligator, right?
00:39:21.540
I need, you got a, you have a tailor cause I'm going to need it.
00:39:25.660
Then they go into Lacoste and I think they get a discount.
00:39:33.700
I did a, they can't even get up to the counter at like Panda express, you know?
00:39:41.720
He forgot his wallet, but then he realizes that his tail's made out of one.
00:39:47.260
See an alligator trying to get on the escalator.
00:39:58.020
Obviously there's a lot of people that are struggling over there, but just trying to bring some laughter to it.
00:40:03.800
Have you been involved in a big, it's like a tragic environment like that?
00:40:07.320
Like where, did you guys, were you guys in New York or during 9-11?
00:40:10.940
I live in Staten Island during a time, but I was, you know, New York came together in a way that day there for sure.
00:40:17.920
I think 9-11 is the closest I've come to some sort of tragedy like that.
00:40:25.420
It's always tough, but I do find always, and I, people always say this, you know, people come together when it's that.
00:40:31.820
About like human nature shines brightest when it's tragedy, when it's wrapped in tragedy.
00:40:36.180
I think people just come together in a real way and be like, we got to tackle this thing, you know?
00:40:44.560
But even like you said, like you could donate and all this stuff.
00:40:46.300
I feel like people just really just like come and do stuff, even if they're not there.
00:40:50.380
It's like just, it's really cool that people do that.
00:40:59.840
Even like in a personal tragedy, like I remember when my, when my, my father passed away and they were like, people would send food to the house.
00:41:08.500
And it was like, she's like, no, I still got this.
00:41:10.020
But do you know how to like to pay the electric bill?
00:41:15.360
But food is always such a thing of like, we got to feed these people, right?
00:41:18.880
It's just the thing that people don't want people to have to worry about.
00:41:23.500
It is amazing that the ways that people come together and help each other, even like when
00:41:27.140
you look at people donating organs and stuff, you know?
00:41:40.800
And it's like, we got you a kidney and they're like, from who?
00:41:43.780
And like, I'm like, ah, shit, who else you got?
00:41:49.280
If you put it, if you, if you put your ear up to the kidney, they can hear, uh, mer just
00:41:54.360
Just don't want kidney what to say to the other kidney.
00:41:56.760
I think everything is just like, I think if it's not my eyes, you don't want it.
00:42:04.480
The organ donor thing is, that's so selfless too, but that's so smart if you think about it.
00:42:10.680
But then I think part of you wants to always feel whole.
00:42:13.140
It's like, you want to be like, okay, I want to know that when I'm laying there dying,
00:42:16.880
I'm still able to like chill or relax or think or whatever.
00:42:24.160
You're still thinking you're laying there and you don't realize it because we don't know
00:42:27.340
You're just thinking that some guy just stole your leg in the back of a college you didn't
00:42:40.440
So with the new tour where you go to, so now, now you have to start with the building the
00:42:47.940
I was, I head off for the summer to hang out with the fam and the kids and stuff, which
00:42:52.280
So I finished this in March, the messing with people tour, and now this new one just started
00:43:00.240
This is, you know, as a comic, it's, you're nervous about, you're trying to build it and
00:43:03.900
whatnot, but then when you get what your ideas are, I'm a storyteller.
00:43:07.140
So I just like figure out what stories I want to tell, but I'd always talk about sitting
00:43:11.000
Like I was stuck with my thoughts so much where I was thinking about how you end up the person
00:43:15.040
So my let's get into a tour really is like about how did you end up like this?
00:43:19.120
Cause I started as like a real, we were talking like a geeky kid.
00:43:21.280
Like I used to make tests for my father, like open up the encyclopedias.
00:43:24.820
He would come home and I would have a multiple choice exam from him after his 10 hour day
00:43:30.740
I'd be like pop quiz, bitch, like get out of here, you know, like that.
00:43:36.360
So I just like tell a lot of stories and think about your life.
00:43:45.240
And like how your brain will start to think up things that are like a little bit more,
00:43:48.440
you know, just more personal or, you know, like how you get out of just telling jokes
00:43:54.580
and try to like share something, you know, it's kind of fascinating.
00:44:03.180
Well, I mean, you've taught, you talk so much, right?
00:44:05.240
You talk so much with the podcast and everything, right?
00:44:06.960
Do you feel like, do you think about after you, because people get to know you in a real
00:44:14.380
So do you feel like that you have, people know you in a way different way than they would
00:44:18.100
like five years ago if you were just doing standup, you know, does this podcast open
00:44:24.460
Cause we talk about a lot of, I mean, yeah, we, cause sometimes we talk about stuff that's
00:44:29.600
personal or like, you know, I was kind of like a late bloomer, I think, in dealing
00:44:32.960
with like a lot of stuff from when I was young and so I didn't even know that I had still
00:44:37.860
had to deal with, you know, I didn't even know what was going on.
00:44:39.980
So I think I've learned about a lot of that stuff, like even a second, the past five years.
00:44:44.980
And so we'll probably try to share kind of like candidly or sometimes you're talking
00:44:49.000
and you just learn something as you're talking.
00:44:50.620
So like things like that have happened a pretty good bit because a lot of times you get busy
00:44:55.680
with work and then one of the times that I would sit down and kind of be with myself
00:45:01.200
And so you just be sitting there sharing and thinking and then, yeah, sometimes you
00:45:05.760
kind of get into some stuff that's pretty personal.
00:45:07.560
And then, um, yeah, people will come up and say they, man, I could relate to this.
00:45:19.720
So the past four years is now just me by myself.
00:45:21.860
So it's a little different where you're not, you know, your opinions are like your, your
00:45:25.880
own or your feelings are like your own or whatever.
00:45:27.800
You're not like lumped into a category of just what everybody and you get to, they get
00:45:32.620
People who started with fans of like jokers are like fans of me, which is, it's really,
00:45:36.100
it's a cool evolution, which are, I really like.
00:45:41.060
Was it hard to like, were there moments where it was like, man, it's tough to do my own
00:45:47.580
I think the, well, you're part of such a great legacy.
00:45:51.760
It's like playing with three Tom Brady's and then now you're like, yeah, I'm going to go be
00:46:01.000
But I think it's the best part about it was like, I was part of that.
00:46:06.120
Cause you find people like when they talk to you, like, oh, you know, I love you and
00:46:09.200
you're like afraid to talk to me about jokers, but I'm like, that's my, like, I mean, I'm
00:46:13.120
You know, it was a decade of my life, 300 episodes.
00:46:17.340
And even in like my standup, the show, I was me.
00:46:19.900
So if you watch the show and liked me, you're going to like me when you see me.
00:46:22.940
Cause it's the same guy, I wasn't being a character, I wasn't playing an actor.
00:46:25.820
So there's just like some benefits to it, which is cool.
00:46:30.380
You know, so I don't mind it, but it is cool to be able to try different things.
00:46:37.880
You know, I've been always wanting to be a filmmaker.
00:46:39.740
So I've got some scripts like, and I never had time for any of that stuff.
00:46:46.700
I think they are, they're going to go back into production to finish their last season as
00:46:51.080
of now, but you never know, I think they'll make, they might get renewed again.
00:46:56.100
But I think they'll let them go till they don't want to anymore.
00:47:03.740
I mean, some of my first fans were you guys as fans, you know, from going on the Joker's
00:47:09.020
And then like, um, fans that we'd have for years, you know, and that still are.
00:47:18.440
Cause you see them, they see me by myself now and they're like, wow, you were really
00:47:22.760
Like, were you expecting me not to be like, yeah.
00:47:24.920
But it's interesting for people to see you in standup.
00:47:31.200
That was the biggest thing for me, not being on stage with other people.
00:47:34.860
You're like, you just like, yeah, you take it for a second.
00:47:41.520
And sometimes people make you the craziest thing.
00:47:59.900
I got somebody who made me, uh, it was very interesting.
00:48:03.980
He made me, he made us Funko pops and, but he made himself as well.
00:48:08.140
And it was me with one of my, with my biggest fan.
00:48:10.440
He made himself and we're both holding teddy bears.
00:48:14.460
And he's like, Hey, you don't have one of you with the bear.
00:48:21.580
There's a captive fat belly one there for me in the show that I had pretty famously.
00:48:24.920
And he made me one, but he made one of himself and he gave me a two pack.
00:48:35.900
All the things like this little things that people make that are like you talked about
00:48:39.620
on a show or like moments that affected them or something like that, you know, it's pretty
00:48:44.180
But even like you're saying, it's like when people get together, there's a sense of, you know,
00:48:46.980
when people want to do something for one another, you know, like when people want to help out,
00:48:51.380
whether it's a, um, a storm, whatever it is, you know, people want to like kind of latch
00:48:56.720
in, you know, but yeah, they gave me that rat baby and that thing.
00:49:03.280
First of all, to think of it, then execute that.
00:49:06.340
And if you can't see it at home, it is a, it's in a little, uh, like a little cot, like
00:49:13.540
Like a small, like eight inch diameter round aquarium.
00:49:19.480
Imagine like the brain that they kept for Frankenstein.
00:49:23.380
So it's got a rat in it and it's got a rat in it and he's wearing like a fancy gown.
00:49:29.780
Dude, in New York, they just put out, um, they have a rat problem there.
00:49:38.580
That's what they get for fucking being know-it-alls, dude.
00:49:49.200
The war on rats could soon shift from trash to a new target procreation.
00:49:53.240
Rat birth control could soon roll out in New York City.
00:50:07.980
New York City Council on Thursday will vote on a bill that would introduce rat contraceptives
00:50:14.660
If the bill passes, city officials will choose two rat-ridden zones to place the contraceptives
00:50:20.320
and then monitor whether they reduce rat activity.
00:50:30.000
It's just right outside of the Kraft cheese plant.
00:50:40.440
And now rats are going to be hearing that other rats are on birth control and go over
00:50:45.040
They're going to be like, yeah, it's no risk rat smashing.
00:50:49.900
Like I've walked down certain parts of the city and you just, it looks like the sidewalk's
00:51:04.160
The build of Flacco's Law is focusing on mitigating the risk of rodenticides.
00:51:15.200
Well, the birds are going to be, it has a reverse effect on birds.
00:51:19.560
So the pigeons are just going to be pounding away.
00:51:25.040
Because how do you know what's going to eat it?
00:51:27.200
Because if it's just on the floor, like birds are going to eat it, right?
00:51:30.500
Oh, so they can't poison them because they said other animals will eat them in those animals.
00:51:43.940
So now they're going to be on, so now big pharma is basically animals are on.
00:51:54.120
We have some animals at home, the older ones that are on some sort of things and whatnot.
00:51:57.900
And what do they get on, blood thinners or whatever?
00:52:01.320
Trazodone's a big one for dogs if they're nervous.
00:52:03.060
Like a lot of dogs, we have a couple of dogs that get nervous during thunderstorms and whatnot.
00:52:09.440
But like some dogs, Trazodone is like a big one.
00:52:18.680
They're just all, it's so funny because they get, it like dehydrates them too.
00:52:22.000
So they'll just be like laying there panting with their eyes half closed.
00:52:28.620
But they get some kidney medicines, the old one.
00:52:31.880
It's just so, I have, so my rescue is all senior dogs.
00:52:37.120
Did you ever get any of the ones that are in the wheel to little chariots?
00:52:53.760
So that was my first senior dog and had no teeth, the tongue hung out.
00:53:03.280
So he, that's what was our first senior, but now we get these seniors and they're all
00:53:09.980
Do you guys meet at like a Howard Johnson's or something?
00:53:17.480
We get them from kill shelters in New York sometimes, or we get owner surrenders.
00:53:21.660
A lot of them have, when they're this old, like older people die and nobody can take
00:53:26.620
It's like, you know, it's this, they've had this dog.
00:53:28.820
So the dog is like 12, 13 years old and they're like, could you take it?
00:53:43.280
And, uh, you know, we have come together to work it out now that it's our thing, which
00:53:55.000
We have an adoption center in town where people come through.
00:53:57.560
Right there, that's the adoption center we just opened up last year and people could
00:54:00.860
come through and hang out with the dogs and pet them a little bit.
00:54:04.320
If you ever want to see these, yeah, these are some of our VIPs right here.
00:54:07.140
So if you ever want to come through and pet a dog when you're in New York, buddy, I
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00:56:24.580
Dude, I remember the first time I ever saw a dog inside somebody's house, right?
00:56:28.220
I was at my buddy Scott's house, and they had a golden retriever came around the corner in his house, dude, and it was beautiful.
00:56:39.280
It was one of like the – it had the most beautiful hair I'd ever seen on a man or woman or anything.
00:56:54.620
It was like – it had like – it looked like Pam Anderson, dude, it came on that floor.
00:56:59.160
Yeah, I was like – just shaking its hair off.
00:57:09.740
I was like, where – how did this – what is this, first of all?
00:57:17.960
Because in our neighborhood, it was just dogs outdoors, biting, you know, just like ruining your fucking birthday
00:57:26.840
My next-door neighbor had – so we had a little mutt, Midnight, her name was.
00:57:32.360
And then my next-door neighbors had a full Doberman Pinscher.
00:57:39.420
And they kept her – they had to keep her outside, so she had an outdoor pen.
00:57:42.560
And my dog was like – would go under the fence, and they would like hang out.
00:57:47.220
And he was like afraid – like there was this huge – like, yeah, like that.
00:57:51.660
You know, like in the movies, those big like German-looking – yeah, like those dogs, right?
00:57:55.220
And I had this little mutt, and they would just hang out.
00:58:01.480
So when Jason came over to my house, and my dog was inside, he's like,
00:58:05.940
He's like, this is so weird because you play with it in the dirt, like in the backyard, you know?
00:58:13.120
Yeah, I guess having that much dogs brings you a lot of joy.
00:58:15.340
The other day, I was sitting at a meeting, and somebody's dog came up.
00:58:18.520
And even when I petted it, it makes you feel good, you know?
00:58:25.860
I think after this year coming up, late in the year,
00:58:29.020
I'll kind of take a break from touring for a while and then get a nice pet.
00:58:32.540
If you want a messed up one-eyed one, you call your boy.
00:58:36.900
And what are some of the tougher things about –
00:58:38.800
Oh, research has shown that simply petting a dog lowers the stress hormone cortisol.
00:58:44.580
When I have her on the road with me, I sleep so much better.
00:58:48.340
A new study just came out that I had just seen too that it was if a dog –
00:58:52.000
hearing a dog breathe with you is like kind of lowers your –
00:58:55.600
makes you go into a deeper REM cycle, you know, which is cool.
00:58:58.440
And I have eight dogs that sleep in my bed, so I'm in a coma.
00:59:07.400
I get like three hours sleep, and I'm set for like two weeks.
00:59:16.860
Decreased sleep, so you don't have to sleep as much.
00:59:27.940
And then lowers blood pressure, sense of security.
00:59:41.240
You can sleep with a cat and it'll decrease loneliness.
00:59:46.080
Yeah, I wouldn't like to get me a couple puffs and do like a little Iditarod or something.
00:59:53.860
Because there's a parade, I think, the day before the Iditarod.
01:00:00.920
And all the dogs go through the town or whatever, and you get to see them all.
01:00:10.560
I think they're sponsored by Nike or something.
01:00:13.380
I'd have mine and some fucking Yeezys out there, homie.
01:00:18.180
When we used to have the dog in the city, we used to put these little balloons on their feet
01:00:23.620
You know, and then you have these dogs, and their paws are like porous, you know?
01:00:26.360
So my dog used to walk around in these little balloon shoes.
01:01:06.120
Well, you would think at some point you wouldn't want to try and make any more money, I guess.
01:01:10.740
But is it that you're just so good at it that your money's making money?
01:01:14.420
Right, because people say, why wouldn't you stop?
01:01:20.440
Musk is like, you think he's out there being like, let me clock in?
01:01:26.340
Yeah, it's not like he just has to drive over to work in the morning.
01:01:37.040
It's one of the problems that I'll never have to worry about.
01:01:39.160
Yeah, I think I felt like you think at a certain point you would just want to do helpful stuff
01:01:45.720
But then I guess if you want to do helpful stuff, you still have to keep making money
01:01:50.460
Yeah, I think Bill Gates talked about that, right?
01:01:52.200
When they were talking about the Bill Gates Foundation or whatever.
01:01:53.940
And he was like, people are like, oh, you could just give all your money away.
01:01:56.300
He's like, yeah, but what do I do when all my money's given away?
01:02:02.840
You got to keep putting money back in the bank to give it out.
01:02:12.420
We do, trying to start a foundation and start doing more charity stuff.
01:02:24.280
So, got our Pups and Friends, like a registered one now.
01:02:27.840
But I give to, like, we do a lot of animal, mostly animal stuff, I think I do.
01:02:31.560
But I also work with a couple other foundations in New York.
01:02:35.540
But you get tapped a lot to be, like, the celebrity, like, at the events.
01:02:39.340
Like, you have to, I've hosted so many, like, things.
01:02:41.760
Like, you end up hosting and, like, doing, you know, the charity drives.
01:02:52.220
You're, like, you're trying to get out there and you have to auction off this, like, you know, this trip to Hawaii for these people.
01:02:57.400
And you're running around, like, auctioning and trying to pit people against each other.
01:03:01.160
But I could see that being a cool, that's a cool part of it.
01:03:03.680
I do a lot with the, Howard Stern does the, the North Shore Animal League.
01:03:14.760
So, I've done a couple events with a dog with them.
01:03:16.880
And it's so funny just to be at these big events.
01:03:28.800
I want to, like, start, like, I want to, well, we want to, like, make, like, kind of, like, a half-way house.
01:03:36.160
But I don't know what it's going to be for, really, like, an addiction place, you know?
01:03:39.240
So, we started a group that meets online on Tuesday afternoons.
01:03:46.580
And it's, like, intimacy disorder, sex and love addiction, all kind of stuff like that.
01:03:59.260
You see guys start to turn their lives around and stuff.
01:04:02.260
But then we want to get, like, eventually make, like, a center, you know?
01:04:08.760
Like, right now, all the dogs live in my, like, at my house.
01:04:11.160
Like, I want to eventually have, like, a place where you can do more.
01:04:13.680
I want to, definitely, like, a Motel 6, bed and breakfast.
01:04:23.940
Homeless people are just making their, making houses.
01:04:27.180
They're, like, literally, a lot of them aren't even homeless anymore.
01:04:57.760
Get out there and build it and they will come, man.
01:05:19.380
A lot of stuff people are doing, there's so many great, a lot of homeless people are just
01:05:24.480
taking on ways, or they're in between homeless and not homeless, you know what I'm saying?
01:05:31.080
I mean, there's people building all kinds of small businesses and stuff that are just
01:05:37.500
It's taking a step back inside that community where it's like, you know, help each other
01:05:40.900
Yeah, I'll treat you soap for nails or whatever.
01:05:51.480
Yeah, but it's interesting to see how that community like starts...
01:05:57.100
Because you see how much people, they're usually like in big groups.
01:05:59.380
Like if you go down to like some of those areas.
01:06:02.560
We were just in Vancouver and they have a street there.
01:06:14.660
And man, we went down there at night, but they're still like all in groups.
01:06:17.280
Somebody's got the grill out and somebody's like...
01:06:25.140
But it was just like out there, everybody working together.
01:06:38.280
I watched somebody the other day play Tears in Heaven on a vacuum cleaner down there.
01:06:46.320
You have to get down to Hastings in Vancouver and you want to find the next Justin Bieber.
01:06:50.660
You got a tear coming out of your eye and the carpet's clean.
01:06:57.600
There's so much skill out there in a lot of these communities and they're working together,
01:07:03.060
It's a little warm in here, do you think, or no?
01:07:14.780
And then you're so cold, you don't know what's going on.
01:07:22.260
I did a cold plunge in a spa once and I was like, this is not for me.
01:07:32.820
At night, do you sleep in bed with your dogs or not?
01:07:39.240
There has to be like an Amy's Law or something.
01:07:56.620
Do they all have to pee at the same time, kind of like a women's basketball team or whatever?
01:08:02.140
Yeah, they go to the bathroom at like 7 o'clock, we take them out.
01:08:05.340
And then at 5.30, they're up and we take them down.
01:08:21.680
But we have a run so they could go by themselves.
01:08:24.560
I don't have to like walk them, thank goodness.
01:08:29.420
What's a crazy gift that somebody brought you guys one time?
01:08:38.440
I saw this woman just tattooing our faces on themselves and stuff.
01:08:41.880
This woman on her upper thigh gave like a caricature version of the Jokers, like of each of us,
01:08:48.340
like around her thigh and just said, and I was like, that's for life.
01:08:52.280
Like that, you sign people, like they put their tattoos on you.
01:08:55.600
I started doing this thing where I started, people asked me, oh, could you sign me so I
01:09:02.780
I said, because I feel like that'd be, so I just draw a heart with like a paw.
01:09:08.940
So, but yeah, like, see, this woman has her name all written on all of us.
01:09:11.980
That's all of our, she finally got all of our signatures.
01:09:16.540
I think the last one was, I think she had to meet Q, I think it was.
01:09:22.820
Sal's right in the middle of the arm, you know?
01:09:29.080
But yeah, people like get our signatures a lot, but then people get like interpretive stuff
01:09:33.860
too, where there'd just be like a bowl of mashed potatoes, of mashed potatoes.
01:09:38.040
They'd be like, look, I got scoops, keep potatoes on me.
01:09:45.920
But we've gotten like, I get a lot of fan art of like drawings.
01:09:50.080
Like I see, you notice you have some drawings and stuff too.
01:09:51.720
I get some drawings and some of them are just like really, really well done.
01:09:56.160
And then you just get some that are like, that's really bad.
01:10:01.620
A lady this week gave us a painting and it had a rat and an open vagina on it.
01:10:07.600
The rat, it was very like a vaginatic or whatever.
01:10:11.740
It was, yeah, something in heat or whatever, you know?
01:10:20.840
It was just like, it was a really neat painting too, but it was definitely wild, man.
01:10:26.500
I'll have to put the picture on the YouTube if we can.
01:10:30.420
I had this woman who took a picture off my Instagram of me and my daughter.
01:10:33.780
It was a jewel and she made a jeweled painting of it.
01:10:36.460
So she used like jewels, just different colored jewels.
01:10:42.240
And it was, I framed it and I put it in my office.
01:10:46.040
It's so funny because they're so talented and I can't, could you draw?
01:10:55.000
If our teacher tried to get me to draw, I'd accuse the teacher of touching me or something.
01:10:58.740
I'm like, dude, we're shutting this down today.
01:11:00.640
I didn't have, we had art history, which is still in high school.
01:11:04.500
Like we didn't even have like art, our art class is art history.
01:11:07.540
Bro, is there anything worse when you think it's going to be art, dude?
01:11:13.000
You get in there and you're like, where's the art at?
01:11:16.480
And they just give you a fucking book about Stonehenge.
01:11:30.720
Dude, even if, when you're at the gallery or something, you see the little thing with
01:11:33.880
the name, like I'll read only like a third of that little card that has a guy's name.
01:11:41.280
I do like, I do like going and sitting amongst art.
01:11:45.840
I like taking a look, but I don't read the things about it.
01:11:52.560
You know, I could pretend about some stuff, but I don't know that much of, you know,
01:12:06.780
This lady is an artist out of Louisiana and I saw her in Hawaii and I bought a piece of
01:12:43.420
You can feel when somebody puts something into something, you know, for sure.
01:12:46.980
But she had some really neat things and she was from Louisiana and we met each other in
01:12:51.180
And so I was like, oh, this is like a cool sign or whatever.
01:12:56.120
I was in San Diego for Comic-Con and who's the guy that drew Bugs Bunny?
01:13:03.940
So they did, they did, the old Warner Brothers lot used to have a Bugs Bunny stop sign.
01:13:10.400
So Bugs Bunny would be standing there with a stop sign when you pulled into the lot.
01:13:19.920
So I actually mounted it inside a sliding door in my house.
01:13:30.160
And then I went back a couple of years later to Comic-Con again.
01:13:33.900
And the guy was like, you said about that Bugs Bunny, right?
01:13:35.580
And he's like, it had gone up like exponentially.
01:13:39.420
So some things like, I didn't get in for the game.
01:13:43.280
So I was like, I was like, oh, that's really cool.
01:13:58.100
I'm trying to think of other things that anything else.
01:14:04.780
I don't know if it's a piece of art or whatever.
01:14:06.360
It's just like, there's some other nice things that people have drawn us that, that are up
01:14:17.300
People like the other night, two kids gave me these little bracelets that they made.
01:14:24.340
That bracelet culture, because Taylor Swift, she did something right there with that.
01:14:30.320
So I get bracelets from the kids and I actually bring them home and my daughter loves them.
01:14:35.960
I have a pretty good collection or different rocks or something.
01:14:40.480
But then somebody brought me their molars one time they'd gotten taken out.
01:14:53.660
People have brought me like a box that smelled so fucking bad, dude.
01:14:59.700
Opened it up and it just, there was nothing in it and it just smelled fucking horrible.
01:15:10.980
But I've gotten, I've gotten some like weird stuff too, but a lot of people just like
01:15:15.920
Because I'm known for being like a sweet tooth kind of, you know, kind of guy.
01:15:18.520
So I'll get paid, people bring me in cannolis and like pastries and like donuts and stuff.
01:15:24.240
They're like, I made you these cookies at home.
01:15:37.840
Oh, I had a guy bring me 10 hits of LSD one time.
01:15:39.900
He's like, I know you're sober, but here's 10 hits of LSD.
01:15:46.220
Any direct, this could go, this could go, this could go poorly.
01:15:49.160
Um, but yeah, a lot of times just some super neat stuff and, uh, yeah, it's crazy.
01:15:54.740
And then just people like adding to your world of like of your podcast or of your show, you
01:15:58.960
know, or of you guys podcast or, um, which is kind of fascinating.
01:16:06.900
Oh, I saw that, uh, the SpaceX, they're going to pick up the, those, the astronauts that got
01:16:19.920
You knew that part on the international space station.
01:16:22.920
And for the stranded astronauts, the arrival of their ride home, perhaps an additional reason
01:16:34.600
The SpaceX rescue mission was launched from Florida with just two astronauts on board.
01:16:40.200
The other two seats kept free for the extra passengers when it returns to earth in February.
01:16:45.260
It is a coup for the company, but an embarrassment for Boeing, which is still trying to work out
01:16:50.940
why thrusters on its own Starliner capsule failed as it docked in June, leaving the test
01:17:01.360
So, so they called it, they called an Uber, they called an Uber and they're like, can you
01:17:10.480
Dude, they, so yeah, Elon's SpaceX is going to pick up these two stranded astronauts, bro.
01:17:22.400
And then they're like, no, it's going to be from June to February.
01:17:25.460
It's going to be seven more months, eight more months.
01:17:28.440
Dude, I mean, there's got to be nine more months.
01:17:42.960
And even the person who packed it up was probably like, they're not going to be out there that long.
01:18:06.560
I actually tweeted at him the other day to see if they would let me.
01:18:16.160
Would you take that risk, you think, if they said you could go?
01:18:28.540
Did they send people that were equipped to do it?
01:18:37.000
Him and Bruce Willis is who I'd want to send, right?
01:18:52.080
But no, Sunita Williams and Barry Wilmore have been stranded on the ISS since June after
01:18:56.800
the Boeing spacecraft suffered thruster failures.
01:18:59.520
SpaceX rescue flight will not return until February.
01:19:13.740
But at the ride back, they're hitting some traffic.
01:19:16.160
It looks like the Waze map is telling them that they're going to be hitting some traffic.
01:19:33.740
NASA confirmed in August that the two will return to Earth and will not return until 2025 with SpaceX now in charge of rescuing the astronauts on a crew dragon flight.
01:20:04.180
But everybody's flights are getting delayed now.
01:20:08.000
You're equating a Southwest flight being delayed.
01:20:23.760
But yeah, I wanted to get to interview the two astronauts podcast with them.
01:20:33.880
If they're just, they don't have anything, if they don't have anything to do also, you
01:20:39.000
They never have to work a day again in their life, right?
01:20:57.560
Some guy was, guy was stalled over on McDougal.
01:21:09.800
So let's don't put it past the government's belief.
01:21:12.560
First of all, if the government said, hey, I want to take you and a buddy to space, I'd
01:21:18.660
You guys can't even decide on a correct price of stamps, dude.
01:21:35.660
It's like, it used to be everything was kind of like the public things were rocking, you
01:22:07.180
Where are you in your weight loss journey or your weight gain journey?
01:22:11.500
No, I've just been trying to fast just to like see if it helps my brain get like more
01:22:16.320
Yeah, just sharp and just like they say it can like reduce inflammation and stuff like
01:22:21.280
But then you find yourself like suddenly you can't think or anything.
01:22:39.740
I normally have one earlier in the morning, but I didn't get one.
01:22:45.000
I got one in the afternoon and I realized like it woke me up a little bit.
01:22:50.160
One time I took 30 days off a coffee, man, and I felt wide awake, dude.
01:22:58.420
I think for sure like I also like the taste of it.
01:23:01.960
There's some people that don't even like the taste of it, but I enjoy a cup of coffee.
01:23:05.220
There's some people like, oh, I need my coffee when I wake up because it's got to wake
01:23:08.980
I drink it just because I wanted to like, I enjoy a cup of coffee and that's a warm beverage.
01:23:16.760
Something kind of romantic about it a little bit.
01:23:27.320
You know, I got my kid's book came out, Where's Barry?
01:23:38.240
My love of dogs, desserts, and grown up Italian.
01:23:41.300
And I was during COVID, I had taken pictures of my dogs because I'm a photographer, amateur
01:24:02.280
So that's really cool to see that happen, you know?
01:24:08.000
So my son in it, Remo, he lost his bear in his bedtime.
01:24:11.180
So he's having a little bit of a meltdown, you know?
01:24:13.280
And that's like the worst catastrophe for any parent.
01:24:20.980
And I was like, all right, well, where'd you put it?
01:24:22.600
And I had to teach him how to like calm down and trace your steps.
01:24:25.080
But he had, he was decided in real life to play hide and seek with it.
01:24:28.400
And he hid it under a pot in the kitchen, like in a cabinet.
01:24:33.240
So I had to like calm him down and he went and found it.
01:24:37.440
And the guy that did it, Luke Flowers, is awesome.
01:24:41.600
He put a bunch of Joker's like Easter eggs in it, which is really cool.
01:24:53.420
My son, I went to their school, got to read it to the school, which was fun.
01:24:57.180
So my son's like, he's like, I'm in a book, you know?
01:25:01.000
Was he excited when his dad came to school or not?
01:25:04.960
They love when I get to come to school and do stuff.
01:25:07.160
But they come on the road with me too, which is cool.
01:25:08.560
They're going to come on the road with me next week, actually.
01:25:13.320
And they're going to come hang out on the road, which I love.
01:25:18.140
They, you know, they love coming on stage at the end and bowing like they did at the end
01:25:21.980
So it's really fun, but they just like to be like room service.
01:25:29.060
Like, you know, it's like, it feels like a king, which is fun.
01:25:34.880
You know, I like to not be, you know, sheltered.
01:25:41.520
Milwaukee was a really amazing city that I didn't know it was like that.
01:25:46.820
And then there was another city that we were just in.
01:26:01.000
But isn't that, that's like my favorite part about it is like when you go to these little
01:26:05.360
Two years ago, I wanted to perform live comedy.
01:26:14.260
Which a cool, such a cool little town, you know?
01:26:24.140
Every store, every street's got like a candles and bullshit kind of store and they
01:26:32.320
Just a simple fact to get in to see certain places, man.
01:26:34.460
Like we got to go through like Eastern Oregon and that was just-
01:26:41.300
Did you ever do that drive on like the Pacific coast highway?
01:26:44.860
Oh wait, I've done it down by California, but I've never done it all the way up.
01:26:47.720
So my wife, when she was, when she was still my girlfriend, I picked her up.
01:26:51.380
She lived in, off near Seattle, this town in Seattle.
01:26:54.160
So we took her from Seattle and I drove her down to her parents in San Francisco.
01:26:58.600
And then when I lived in LA, I never did it all the way, but I've connected each piece,
01:27:16.240
And they, we saw some Mennonites outside of there.
01:27:38.900
That's like a, that's like a major like trope in horror films, right?
01:27:50.540
Is there a lot of, do you see a lot of political stuff up in Staten Island?
01:27:58.920
You know, but I kind of steer clear of that stuff.
01:28:00.780
I don't, I don't really try to put my opinions on people because I don't know much about anything,
01:28:11.480
Like, it's like, it's hard for me to talk, think about it and talk about it at the same
01:28:16.560
It's like, and I don't know when to like, kind of put my thoughts in.
01:28:19.980
Like this year we started having just different people on, like, like we had some politicians
01:28:26.220
on and then we had like, like even last week we had Mark Cuban on and we talked about some
01:28:31.140
political stuff, but sometimes it's hard for me to like think and share what I want at
01:28:37.800
So some of those conversations, it's not as fun, you know, it's just, it's not as fun.
01:28:42.740
That's why people don't really talk about politics, you know, because it's like, it's
01:28:48.240
So yeah, you want to be respectful too of what somebody thinks, but at the same time,
01:28:51.180
sometimes it's like, you don't want to get into like a rebuttal and then it's like,
01:28:56.480
It's kind of like a learning curve, even with doing podcasts and it's like, how do you get into
01:29:01.740
conversations with people also when they have more knowledge than you do too about stuff
01:29:07.520
Or they think they have more knowledge, you know, because then you feel like, well, I
01:29:11.980
think something, but I may not know a fact on it, but it is how I feel, you know?
01:29:17.560
When people try to talk you out of feelings, that's like the worst thing ever.
01:29:20.340
When you feel a certain way about anything, you know, and they try to like disprove how
01:29:27.660
And I hit you with all these like facts, which some were probably made up.
01:29:30.660
And it's like, okay, but I still feel that way.
01:29:59.880
Kind of like that are things that I'll see kind of over and over again.
01:30:02.740
Dude, you see that snake that's head got bit off and it still bit itself?
01:30:21.800
You think it's having a bad day and then it just gets way worse.
01:30:30.840
Its head was a foot away from the end of its body.
01:30:35.640
And then the other end of the snake curls over and touches the head just reflexively.
01:30:41.680
And it just opens its mouth and instinctually just chomps down on itself.
01:30:45.900
And now the snake is like, not only have I lost my head, but now it's biting me.
01:31:08.100
Well, it makes me feel like they're directly from Sate.
01:31:10.760
And also huge corporations make me very nervous.
01:31:19.840
And genocide also makes me nervous too a little bit.
01:31:25.640
All three of those things make me pretty nervous.
01:31:29.220
Sometimes you see animals pull off some stuff and you just can't.
01:31:32.180
You can't believe that they're real with stuff.
01:31:35.280
You ever see like when you see these falcons, they're like 100 feet out of the water and
01:31:40.300
they see a fish and they just dive, get it out of the water and just come up and have
01:31:44.300
It's like, I missed a turn on the way here and I have GPS.
01:31:49.800
It's crazy what some of these animals could do.
01:31:51.680
But biting yourself with your head off, that's bonkers.
01:32:03.220
He's like, boom, I'm just going to grab this fish right out of the water.
01:32:07.140
If you could train a falcon to do that and you showed up like at a bass tournament.
01:32:13.620
You're just there with the little helmet on it.
01:32:38.080
And are these the ones that can read and write or no?
01:32:40.460
Yeah, they're the most intelligent of the parrot.
01:32:44.340
But I didn't teach it how to talk because I only taught it to go like that because they
01:32:52.680
I don't want 80 years old to say hello to this bird.
01:33:07.280
I ended up moving to LA and I didn't have an apartment or anything.
01:33:11.820
And I was living with a friend, so I couldn't bring a bird in a bird cage with me.
01:33:14.540
So I ended up, there was this bird rescuer that worked at with the Bronx Zoo.
01:33:19.720
And she came over, took it and interviewed her and she was really nice.
01:33:29.580
Yeah, the Bronx Zoo is like one of the biggest ones.
01:33:33.840
I think all the zoos do it where they light up and do that at night thing.
01:33:40.860
When I went to Australia, I did the weirdest thing.
01:33:43.740
They had the nocturnal animals, they changed their clock on them.
01:33:49.580
So they make, they're all indoors in this facility, right?
01:33:53.440
And they change their clock because they are supposed to be asleep at night.
01:33:56.580
That they make it sun at night inside this building.
01:34:01.760
And then during the day, they make it night in this building.
01:34:05.960
I think these mice are like, hey, if they ever get out in the wild, it's not going to do it.
01:34:10.200
You walk in, it's like you're walking through the prairies at night.
01:34:12.380
I think it was in Sydney, the Sydney Zoo or wherever I was.
01:34:15.740
Like you walked in and it was like you were walking through.
01:34:18.500
And they had all these mice running around, all these different owls, bats.
01:34:28.840
Something like attacks you in the dark or something.
01:34:35.000
And if you can't see that good and it's nighttime or whatever, and you're like, I'm an animal
01:34:41.000
These scary movies too where people like run through the woods at night.
01:34:43.860
I'm going to stay here until the sun comes up and then I'll figure it out.
01:34:56.640
The Taronga Zoo, upper nocturnal house, Australia.
01:35:08.660
And all the Australian animals are all batshit crazy.
01:35:13.320
Well, even if you think about like, it's funny because if you looked at, like, say if
01:35:17.620
you walked into the forest or whatever and they had, you saw a bear in there, right?
01:35:22.700
But he was drinking, you know, he's sitting there drinking like 20 cups of coffee and smoking
01:35:30.040
cigarettes and it's like on his computer all day.
01:35:32.000
You'd be like, something's wrong with this fucking bear.
01:35:34.600
The other bears are just having fun, scratching their backs on trees, dude, you know, eating
01:35:49.060
Like, this bear's got something wrong with him, right?
01:35:56.320
Bear appears to carry a laptop computer at Montana Roadside.
01:36:00.220
This guy, he was like, dude, I got to give Theo a story.
01:36:09.560
Like, that's, it's got to be the number one animal attack.
01:36:22.400
Dad puts a bike helmet on and goes to fucking talk to the bear.
01:36:30.160
The bear's like, I'm going to eat you, you dumb human.
01:36:39.120
I don't know why people think bears are friendly.
01:36:44.100
But like, nobody goes up to like lions and tries to pet them.
01:36:47.880
But they're not as, bears have been like commercialized as being so cute.
01:37:13.680
Dude, that would be the best you see a bear, like in a Hakeem Olajuwon jersey somewhere.
01:37:21.920
And the bear is going, how do you eat your ass?
01:37:29.560
Do you think that we are, we're like divinely separate or do you think that we're just part
01:37:37.840
I think there's a, I think we're, I think we're part.
01:37:41.740
I, I, I think we are part of it, but I'm not sure if, I think we fit in a different way.
01:37:49.580
I think it's like, we're supposed to be part of the mix way more.
01:37:53.580
Yeah, we're supposed to be part of the mix way more.
01:37:56.000
Like we have to put these animals in cages to control them and stuff.
01:38:08.240
Yeah, man, I think I wish I would spend more time around in my, uh, we had a, this neuroscientist
01:38:13.960
on and she was saying that, yeah, being around animals, being around horses, even just if
01:38:18.620
you have a big family and you all sleep together in the same house, that it creates more, um,
01:38:23.920
like, uh, feelings of like low stress, you know?
01:38:30.260
Where you like hug a horse and go to a ranch for like a month.
01:38:42.620
You'll end up in, uh, D and one of those donkey shows or whatever.
01:38:50.120
Equine therapy is an excellent option for trauma victims who have a hard time opening up
01:38:53.740
about their experiences or who feel overwhelmed, anxiety or panic.
01:38:57.800
Equine therapy provides a unique environment in which individuals are able to heal their invisible
01:39:11.000
Is there actually, do you, can you find something that's a little bit more information?
01:39:21.140
So it's basically just kind of like you're around cause they're low stress animals or
01:39:24.680
like, you know, you, that you have to be calm around a horse or you have to calm yourself
01:39:28.740
So I think that's, that, that does it, but it's, it's weird.
01:39:32.420
Like you see these people, like they're laying down with the horses and just petting them
01:39:35.700
and they're, you see what the problems they're dealing with.
01:39:39.080
I met two alpacas outside of a Lowe's outside of, uh, uh, parks outside of park city.
01:39:58.520
The movement of horses can improve motor function and core strength.
01:40:03.300
The psychological effects of equine is that there become from the horse's ability to
01:40:06.880
recognize human emotions and provide an intentional response.
01:40:10.740
So if you're like, you're freaking out, they'll just come over and be like, look, it's okay.
01:40:25.360
I just got off the road too, for a few days and it was just.
01:40:30.740
I think when you get back to settle in, it's, it's nice.
01:40:33.300
You're trying to readjust because your clock's off too.
01:40:36.520
Cause like you're having that high of doing a show at night, meeting all those people
01:40:58.340
I probably should get more sleep, but I, like I said, I sleep hard with these dogs.
01:41:02.400
It was like a good five hours that I'm raring to go.
01:41:14.440
Like if I go over like 25 minutes, half hour, I'll, I'm like, I slept.
01:41:37.100
One of those Vietnamese water fountains playing in the back or whatever.
01:41:41.500
Water dripping directly on my forehead in the center.
01:41:50.060
I want somebody to just slip me a small tin of beans around 8 p.m.
01:42:03.420
It's like, there's just too much noise in the world.
01:42:33.480
Oh, I used to sleep in a neck brace when I was young to try to make my neck longer.
01:42:39.380
No, I didn't sleep in a neck brace, but I had a-
01:42:50.160
My doctor was totally through this thing where, you know, he had the headgear thing.
01:42:54.660
And, like, he, because I was the last one in the family, he was, like, milking it.
01:42:57.720
He didn't want the gattles to be out of that orthodontic game, you know?
01:43:01.740
So I had to wear a headgear for, like, for five-
01:43:07.420
And he was, like, you had to wear the headgear, you know, when you sleep.
01:43:19.260
Yeah, I would have just had the, like, piece thing.
01:43:26.860
Like, that's, like, keep your mouth open thing, yeah.
01:43:37.380
When you saw somebody with that shit on, you'd be like, what are you a part of?
01:43:43.900
Because I didn't want to wear braces for so long.
01:43:49.540
But that was because I wanted to be done with it sooner.
01:43:51.680
That might be me, actually, that picture right there.
01:44:02.360
Yeah, like, what were the first braces ever, I wonder?
01:44:05.220
What did they look like, the first teeth braces?
01:44:08.780
Besides the silver things they would glue to your teeth, right?
01:44:10.840
They put it on with the adhesive to the front of your teeth.
01:44:12.660
That's what I had, the exposed ones, kind of like 2D has right there.
01:44:16.020
Yeah, and then they put the ones with the little rubber bands on it.
01:44:24.280
But then the big one was when they went to a clear front, clear one.
01:44:27.160
So they were trying to fool you that it was clear.
01:44:30.320
Egyptian mummies were found with metal bands around their teeth.
01:44:33.300
And archaeologists believe they used cat gut to tie the bands together to move them.
01:44:37.880
Primitive orthodontic appliances were also found with early Greek and Roman artifacts.
01:44:42.000
Really, they were getting in that straight your teeth game early.
01:44:52.800
We thought it was gut, it's cat gut your tongue.
01:45:05.020
Oh, they like drilled through the teeth, though.
01:45:10.180
This is also, who knows if this is a reliable website, it's 123dentist.com.
01:45:17.060
They might have put this up together in Canva in the back and just like threw together a graphic.
01:45:22.360
Bro, that's the crazy thing about news nowadays.
01:45:31.480
You find something that gets disproved on the next page.
01:45:33.720
And the real news channels, they're not even serving you news.
01:45:42.100
That's why I asked you where you get your news from, and you said TikTok.
01:45:45.700
Which is an insane answer if you think about it.
01:45:55.540
People things yell out during sex or whatever, anything.
01:46:02.740
Every now and then, when Hank's home early, she leaves her window open, and you'll get
01:46:07.680
Oh, she's yelling, SpaceX is saving the astronauts.
01:46:13.180
You're like, God, well, when do you guys come already?
01:46:29.700
In New York, he was always around, but I never met him.
01:46:32.760
I mean, that was, you know, I'm only in the public eye for a decade now.
01:46:43.220
I wonder if, say he does have tapes or information on, like, other people, right?
01:46:51.980
I wonder if they are going to use that to get people to support different, like, I wonder
01:47:00.100
if the government is going to use that to get people to support different-
01:47:09.620
We need you to support this candidate, or we need you to support this bill or policy
01:47:19.480
I mean, there's definitely stuff that people are afraid to have out there, for sure.
01:47:25.080
I mean, you know, he famously said that he's got tapes and stuff, and everybody knows,
01:47:29.280
And then imagine if you were ever even there, even if you were just eating an hors d'oeuvres
01:47:34.940
Before you realize what's going on, you're just having some death.
01:47:38.280
And you turn to your left, and you're like, I should leave, but they already got you on
01:47:44.260
A couple four eggs and a baguette in your mouth or something.
01:47:52.300
I mean, it's going to be interesting how it shakes out, for sure.
01:47:54.420
I think it's going to be, that's going to be a long time coming out, though, right?
01:47:56.900
That's not going to be like a, I think it's going to go on for a while.
01:48:14.180
Because you are one of the most interesting people to sit down with.
01:48:19.300
I just feel like, yeah, I feel like my brain is a little bit off today, kind of.
01:48:24.080
I just sometimes feel a little bit like, I don't know.
01:48:27.340
Like you got too much sleep, you didn't get enough sleep.
01:48:31.860
Maybe you need a nap, but we got to, we got to tie you up and drop some water on you.
01:48:38.160
Did you ever go do one of those military shows abroad?
01:48:49.540
It's because you get to go to places you never would even think that we have like military presence
01:48:53.240
and you're like, Oh my gosh, we're in this place.
01:48:55.680
And like suddenly you're performing and there's just like people, you know, do you get like
01:49:00.740
Is that like when you get, when you're going on the way there, I had a girl who offered
01:49:09.500
I meant like they take you, not like a girl who's in the military offering.
01:49:41.380
She also had a big, huge pimple on her neck and it made me nervous too.
01:49:45.520
So, yeah, that's a, that's, that's not going to do it for you.
01:50:00.980
But then, oh, one time there was another time on a military, I think it was an airport
01:50:06.680
They were doing like runs in the morning and some girl came by my room in the morning
01:50:10.720
and, um, I don't remember what it, you know, I don't exactly remember what happened, but
01:50:19.960
But, uh, they need love to on the, on the basis.
01:50:25.900
She was, she, she was probably a little late for work, two minutes late for work, but still
01:50:39.620
Um, what's been something that you didn't expect about heading off in a standup comedy?
01:50:46.320
Do you expect it would be like the challenge of it?
01:50:48.680
Like, I know you've always been on stage and been a performer.
01:50:52.640
Like to have to talk for 65 minutes, like, you know, and do all that and just put it together
01:50:58.440
That was really like the crafting of the hour was such a, it's such a really cool thing
01:51:03.580
to do, you know, and being aware enough to be like, this isn't as funny as the other
01:51:10.100
Like the editing of the hour, you know, is like where you think this is going to be a
01:51:15.020
And then you go and just some other stupid thing that happened and you're like, oh, wow,
01:51:22.040
Like a year into the tour, I found a different story and I just was like, oh, I got to pull
01:51:29.560
I never really experienced that because you think you have it.
01:51:32.400
And then you have something like, no, this is a great hour, you know?
01:51:36.040
I just had my son and I had a story about my, in the new special messing with people, I
01:51:39.780
had a story about my son going on a Star Wars ride and he didn't, he didn't really, he'd
01:51:44.160
never been on a ride and he never saw Star Wars.
01:51:48.800
He's five years old and he thought he got abducted by aliens.
01:51:51.340
So he legit, he started screaming, I want to go back to earth.
01:51:55.680
And like I saw, and I was told Steve Byrne that story as we were driving and he's like,
01:52:01.760
And then that night we were driving that night.
01:52:02.980
He's like, just tell it, just start telling it.
01:52:05.380
And then I just started in belt, like working it out and, you know, figuring out what a
01:52:09.040
It was, it's such a cool part, but I had never really talked about my kids at all.
01:52:13.060
And that was like, that's a really cool piece to add to the puzzle.
01:52:25.640
I got to go on that Star Wars ride that they built.
01:52:27.580
And if you don't know about it, they spent like hundreds of millions of dollars on this
01:52:32.860
But it's also an immersive experience, which means everybody who works on the ride is in
01:52:38.680
So when the ride starts, you're in the woods with all the rebels and they're moving you
01:52:51.300
You get in with these big LED monitors all around you.
01:53:00.280
And the next time the doors open, you're on the Death Star face to face with 100 animatronic
01:53:05.140
human sized stormtroopers with their guns pointed at you.
01:53:08.100
And I was like, this is the coolest thing ever.
01:53:12.820
Not for my five-year-old son, who's never seen a Star Wars film or been on a ride.
01:53:36.560
Later, he's going to be on a Netflix documentary.
01:53:54.580
If all the information is there and you can't even see it.
01:53:58.740
That's the shit that just like, what are we fucking doing out here?
01:54:04.900
They got all the secrets we keep in our assholes.
01:54:08.320
Meanwhile, we look at dogs like, look at these idiots.
01:54:10.300
They're all like reading each other's QR codes.
01:54:15.480
Oh, that's the devil's QR code right there, dude.
01:54:38.240
It seems possible, but I don't know if that's a fact.
01:55:18.080
Joe Goddard, you got the new special, Messing with People.
01:55:32.340
And then I got, I'm on tour now on my new hour.
01:55:43.000
Or people who just one day want to have children.
01:55:44.940
You know, if they don't have kids now, it guarantees that you'll procreate, actually.
01:55:56.540
If you play it backwards on a record player, it says that.
01:56:04.100
Shows coming up in Memphis, St. Louis, Indiana, Akron, Oklahoma, Texas.
01:56:16.960
I've been, you know, so I just kicked off the new tour.
01:56:22.700
Well, dude, thanks so much for all the entertainment over the years, man.
01:56:28.680
You gave me a nice, like, it's like a, it's almost like this, it's like a counter puzzle
01:56:33.100
thing that you had sent to my room when we were in Milwaukee.
01:56:39.280
But yeah, thanks for all the thoughtful humor over the years.
01:56:52.660
You'll find that wherever you get to your podcast.
01:56:57.400
Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
01:57:06.140
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.
01:57:13.820
I can feel it in my bones, but it's gonna take...