This Past Weekend with Theo Von - April 02, 2018


Easter Feaster： This Past Weekend #85


Episode Stats

Length

55 minutes

Words per Minute

186.5925

Word Count

10,422

Sentence Count

849

Misogynist Sentences

45

Hate Speech Sentences

20


Summary

Washing a baby while listening to some oldies like Brian Adams and Isaac George. Happy Easter and Happy New Year. Happy Holidays to all and a Happy Easter to all. Happy New Years to all!


Transcript

00:00:00.000 And, uh, you know, Happy Easter.
00:00:06.440 Happy Easter.
00:00:07.740 Happy Easter.
00:00:09.040 Happy Easter!
00:00:19.980 That's it. That's it.
00:00:30.000 That's that soft hitter coming in right there.
00:00:35.120 Oh, yeah.
00:00:38.680 That's something.
00:00:46.020 Yeah, that's something you could wash a baby to right there.
00:00:49.240 Imagine you washing a baby.
00:00:58.600 A baby you know.
00:01:00.000 Not a, just a random kid.
00:01:02.420 Imagine that.
00:01:03.220 Let's go back into the music.
00:01:07.940 Oh, you might even scrub under that baby's arms.
00:01:10.300 This is that kind of music.
00:01:23.940 That's it.
00:01:26.440 That's it.
00:01:27.320 That's how you keep that baby clean right there.
00:01:28.900 You got to put on good music.
00:01:30.800 You know, my mother used to wash me sometime when I was young to, uh, Brian Adams.
00:01:35.760 I remember when I was young, my mom would, uh, put us all in the yard sometimes.
00:01:40.020 You know, if we'd been out playing in the mud or just, you know, fighting or sometimes people would in our neighborhood would burn stuff in the ditch.
00:01:48.180 And, um, you know, and after the, you know, a couple days after, whenever it was just a bunch of ash in the ditch or, you know, black ash or something in the ditch, we would do this thing called dirty donuts where we would put like water all over our skin and get out in the ash.
00:02:04.800 And you would get ash all over your body and you would look, I don't know, I guess kind of fun a little bit, but mostly just kind of covered in charcoal.
00:02:12.520 And, um, and I always remember that that was kind of like a fun thing we would do.
00:02:17.940 And then my mom would spray us down with a hose out in the yard all at once.
00:02:21.900 You know, she would wash us all at once and she would put on some Brian Adams sometimes in the house while she would do it.
00:02:27.560 And I think it's probably more fun, you know, I don't have any children, but it's probably more fun to wash your children to music than just sitting there washing them.
00:02:35.220 So, but yeah, this seemed like the kind of music you would wash a baby to.
00:02:38.380 And this is called Seth Saves Spring from Isaac George.
00:02:46.720 Oh yeah.
00:02:50.340 Oh yeah.
00:02:51.620 And that's definitely something that you would clean a child to.
00:02:54.640 What's up guys?
00:02:55.360 Happy Easter.
00:02:55.960 Uh, thank you guys for being here with me today.
00:02:58.440 I hope your weekend was good.
00:03:00.120 You know, I'm down here in Baton Rouge.
00:03:01.560 I'm down here in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
00:03:05.260 And I'm down here by my brother's house because he has a house down here.
00:03:08.360 And he's married, he has a family.
00:03:09.740 I've been here before.
00:03:10.840 If some of you guys are on the YouTube, you'll see, you know, you know, uh, you know, regular background that you've seen before here whenever I'm down here.
00:03:18.600 And, um, and I've had a good time, man.
00:03:21.400 I had fun down here.
00:03:22.440 You know, get down here into the south and you see people.
00:03:25.040 Had enough cake today and, you know, you don't want to, the thing is with me, I'll tell you what happened with me and desserts.
00:03:32.420 Okay.
00:03:33.700 So here's the thing.
00:03:34.620 I'll have a, like there'll be a dessert at the party and I'll be like, uh, I'll have a little, you know.
00:03:40.900 But then here's the thing.
00:03:42.460 Other people come to the party late and they bring another dessert and you don't want to let them down.
00:03:48.420 You know, I don't want somebody to just see me just look at their dessert and walk off.
00:03:54.800 You know, like I'm some kind of, you know, like I'm like a deadbeat dad.
00:03:59.800 You know, like I'm some kind of deadbeat dessert dad.
00:04:02.780 You know, who just looks at his son and just walks off or moves away, moves to Akron or, you know, moves to, you know, Norfolk.
00:04:12.600 You know, I want to be, you know, I want to be that participant.
00:04:16.060 And so if I see a dessert and it looks good enough, you know, I have to stay there and spend some time with it.
00:04:22.640 And that's what happened to me today.
00:04:24.540 I didn't plan on eating a lot of desserts, but next thing you know, somebody showed up with this and somebody showed up with that.
00:04:29.940 And then somebody, you know, somebody put a bunch of animal crackers in the oven and fucking baked them.
00:04:35.440 And they were already baked.
00:04:36.940 But now they're hot animal crackers.
00:04:38.940 Ha ha ha.
00:04:40.360 My defense is rest.
00:04:41.900 And I'm guilty.
00:04:42.620 I'm about to prosecute my stomach with about 30 of them miatches.
00:04:46.700 And I had some Mississippi muds.
00:04:48.700 You know, this beautiful tall lady showed up with a thing of Mississippi mud.
00:04:52.640 And, I mean, God dang, that thing was, I mean, this dessert container was probably a foot deep.
00:04:58.300 I mean, you could have got stuck in there.
00:04:59.560 You could have lost a friend in there if you had a small friend.
00:05:02.920 And so I had some of that.
00:05:04.100 And next thing you know, I've only had about a little bit of regular food.
00:05:08.760 You know, maybe a small cut of ham.
00:05:11.040 You know, I think I had a small cut of ham and then probably 19 desserts.
00:05:15.800 And then I can't even feel my face because I feel like my whole face is just infested with sugar.
00:05:19.920 And, you know, and then I just start not feeling good.
00:05:23.040 And then I'm depressed.
00:05:24.000 And then I'm, like, changing into my running clothes.
00:05:26.360 And everybody's, like, relaxing because it's Easter.
00:05:28.820 And now I'm that freaking creep that's going for a run on Easter.
00:05:31.860 And it's just, you know, sometimes when you get into that, you know, I get into that Bermuda Triangle of desserts.
00:05:38.520 And it just can be dark for me.
00:05:40.880 It can be really, really dark.
00:05:43.020 So usually what I'll do is just decide, you know what, today I'm going to eat whatever.
00:05:47.120 I'm just going to go like that.
00:05:49.220 And I wish we didn't even care about what we ate.
00:05:52.420 You know, I think there was a long time ago, probably back in the old days.
00:05:56.800 You know, now everybody's so concerned about their diets.
00:05:59.800 Everybody's on a diet.
00:06:00.620 I'm on this.
00:06:01.760 You know, I'm on Atkins.
00:06:03.020 I'm on Jerry Atkins.
00:06:05.080 You know, I'm a senior.
00:06:06.660 You know, I'm on keto.
00:06:08.320 You know, I'm on keto-calin.
00:06:10.900 I'm on, you know, I only eat cheeseburgers during murders.
00:06:14.700 You know, everybody's on something.
00:06:16.280 I'm on vegetables.
00:06:17.240 I'm on, you know, broccolini.
00:06:19.400 You know, I only eat by my stepmother's house.
00:06:21.840 My buddy told me he's on that diet.
00:06:23.180 I'm like, that's not a fucking diet.
00:06:25.020 I'm like, you're going to starve.
00:06:26.280 You're an idiot.
00:06:27.520 But everybody's on some type of diet.
00:06:29.880 You know, somebody's like, I'm on, you know, water and limes.
00:06:32.880 Like, eh, that's not a diet.
00:06:34.240 But, you know, that's somebody that's, you know, probably going to die on an island.
00:06:39.140 You know, so some of this stuff isn't diets.
00:06:41.880 Sorry, there's a call came in and I have a ringtone.
00:06:45.660 I'm a teenager.
00:06:47.860 But, yeah, everybody's on a diet.
00:06:49.320 Everybody's on something.
00:06:50.840 You know, and it's just, but back in the old days, you weren't on a diet.
00:06:56.480 If somebody shot an animal, that's what you ate.
00:06:58.800 If somebody killed a, you know, a bushel of corn, that's what you ate.
00:07:04.820 Somebody showed up with a, you know, a little bit of Labrador, a couple of Labrador medallions.
00:07:10.740 That's what you ate.
00:07:11.780 That was it.
00:07:13.720 I mean, there were probably years where people were eating this or eating that.
00:07:18.280 You know, I'm not trying to be vile, but people were, you know, having German shepherd for dinner.
00:07:22.900 A long time ago, in the 1700s.
00:07:26.100 Come on.
00:07:26.620 You know, people were having, you know, ham was, you kill a pig and that was it.
00:07:32.640 Somebody shoot a dove or an owl and that was it.
00:07:36.160 And that's what you ate.
00:07:37.080 There wasn't an opportunity for all this dieting.
00:07:40.140 But now, you know, once we get, you know, we get a little bit more sedentary and that food starts to build up in us.
00:07:46.580 So it's just a different time now.
00:07:48.180 And so now, you know, we're a little bit more concerned.
00:07:50.320 And we didn't have mirrors back then.
00:07:52.240 That's another thing.
00:07:53.780 Maybe instead of diet and we just get rid of all the mirrors.
00:07:57.580 Have we thought about that yet?
00:08:00.400 I mean, sometimes I wish we could just have a big mirror burning.
00:08:03.540 You know, everybody just shows up and throws a damn mirror into a big gorge.
00:08:07.980 One of these empty gorges and just throws a bunch of gasoline in there, turpentine.
00:08:12.100 And lights that bitch up.
00:08:13.960 Let's burn these mirrors.
00:08:15.020 So who knows who's fat?
00:08:17.200 Who knows who's out of shape?
00:08:19.380 Who knows who's feeling a little, you know, if you lift your arm up and you can't lift it up.
00:08:25.140 Or if your underarm just, you know, I got a buddy.
00:08:28.340 He's got his underarms have kind of become tits under his arm.
00:08:32.640 And they still have all that hair on them, that underarm hair.
00:08:35.200 So he'll lift his arm up.
00:08:36.640 And it's like this just hair tit kind of pops out from under his arm.
00:08:40.800 And I don't know why.
00:08:42.060 I don't know what's going on with him.
00:08:44.180 He's like, I'm thinking I need a diet.
00:08:45.480 I'm like, I think you need a haircut on them tits first and go from there.
00:08:51.140 But it's, you know, it's just before we were infected with all these diets, I think we used to enjoy our time a little bit more.
00:08:58.800 And I guess if I could look back on today a little bit, I probably wish I would have not thought about, you know, calories and all of this and that as much.
00:09:07.640 But I would have just been, you know, more focused on the day.
00:09:10.140 But we had, you know, had a nice weekend, had a bunch of crawfish.
00:09:15.820 And crawfish is just a, it's just a fancy snail that's down the fuck, really.
00:09:21.400 I mean, that thing is, it's like a shrimp that's, you know, I mean, I've talked about it before.
00:09:26.520 Crawfish is just like a shrimp that's from Rome.
00:09:30.020 It's basically a Roman shrimp.
00:09:32.300 And those things, I mean, they are, when you get down here in Louisiana, especially in this time of year on Easter, it's, you know,
00:09:38.140 it's not surprising to go to a crawfish bowl where somebody's boiling 400 pounds of crawfish.
00:09:43.700 400 pounds.
00:09:45.360 And you get that and eat that.
00:09:48.100 You know, and I guess when you do get down here in Louisiana, it is a little bit more like you eat what's available.
00:09:52.380 You know, you eat whatever.
00:09:54.100 I mean, you know, I've talked about it before, but I had some family members, they killed two owls for Thanksgiving a couple years ago.
00:10:01.940 You know, they were short on funds at the house.
00:10:03.980 And, you know, the dad was selling tires.
00:10:06.200 He used to sell used tires.
00:10:08.320 And, you know, you think people, you, a lot of people nowadays, they just get fucking new tires.
00:10:14.560 You know, that used tire market is, I don't know if it's non-existent or what.
00:10:19.200 But, but he would, you know, they didn't have a lot of money, so they had two owls.
00:10:26.240 And they fattened up a couple owls.
00:10:28.040 And you might ask, well, why did they have two owls?
00:10:30.860 Because one owl doesn't have a lot of meat on it.
00:10:33.600 An owl is basically like a skinny woman in a, in a, in a, in a fat, in a thick dress.
00:10:39.140 That's what it is.
00:10:40.060 Owls look fat.
00:10:41.480 They're not.
00:10:42.100 They look like they're storing a lot of meat.
00:10:43.740 They're not.
00:10:45.100 They're not at all.
00:10:46.720 So it's really a ruse that a lot of these owls put on.
00:10:50.560 But anyhow, man, my mother used to, uh, I remember she used to hose us down and put on some Bryan Adams.
00:10:55.460 And that was a good time back in the day.
00:10:57.280 And I, I do think it's probably more fun to wash your children of music than it is to just wash your kids.
00:11:02.320 Like some kind of creep in the silence.
00:11:05.000 You know, like some kind of damn, you know, I don't know.
00:11:10.140 I don't even know.
00:11:11.300 It just sounds real creepy washing your kids with no background music going on.
00:11:14.540 It sounds like real, um, like a crime or something.
00:11:20.960 But anyhow, welcome, man, to this past weekend.
00:11:23.220 And it is April.
00:11:24.440 It is spring.
00:11:25.760 It is April 2nd, actually.
00:11:28.320 And I'm down here in Louisiana.
00:11:29.100 I'm not going to make this a crazy wild episode because, you know, it's Easter.
00:11:33.240 And I've been relaxing.
00:11:34.820 You know, and I got them.
00:11:35.980 I mean, I had so much frosting today.
00:11:38.200 Dude, I would test, I would test, I would test positive.
00:11:41.680 Uh, I would test positive for frosting.
00:11:45.360 If you, if you, you know, I think if you, if you took my blood type right now, I would probably say Swiss Miss.
00:11:55.860 I would come back positive for Swiss Miss.
00:11:58.680 I'm just, you know, I got that all in me.
00:12:00.200 I got that confetti.
00:12:01.960 Because my nieces made me a cake.
00:12:04.000 And I'll be honest, these little motherfuckers can't bake shit, dude.
00:12:07.100 Um, it was, but I ate it.
00:12:11.100 You know, sometimes, and that's another thing.
00:12:12.920 These children show up with baked goods and you have to eat them.
00:12:16.420 You know, they, they want you to eat it.
00:12:18.240 Like, what is it?
00:12:19.080 It's chocolate chip.
00:12:19.720 I'm like, it's burnt.
00:12:21.260 You know, it's, and it looks like a fish stick.
00:12:23.680 But whatever.
00:12:25.260 That's what's going on, man.
00:12:27.160 And happy Easter to you guys.
00:12:28.840 And I remember, you know, I think it's fun, you know, hiding the children's baskets.
00:12:34.240 You know, my niece and nephews, they got all their baskets hidden and they, you know, I get over here today and they're telling me where they found it under the table and this and that.
00:12:41.480 And I started thinking about the Easter rabbit and, you know, they were saying, yeah, the Easter bunny came and I'm thinking how lucky it is.
00:12:51.880 If you're, you know, back in the day, whenever they were, you know, auditioning animals or whatever to, to get the role of the Easter animal, because that thing could have been anything.
00:13:01.200 Think about it.
00:13:01.860 That could have been anything.
00:13:02.720 Could have been Easter mongoose, Easter swine, Easter orangutan.
00:13:08.560 That could have been anything.
00:13:09.380 But it's, you know, that rabbit got that job.
00:13:13.000 And if that rabbit doesn't book that role, then rabbits are, they wouldn't, I don't think they would have had some of the luxurious life that they've had.
00:13:23.520 Because think about it.
00:13:24.620 Rabbits, they're basically squirrel, fat squirrels that fuck a lot and have big eyes.
00:13:32.240 That's what a rabbit is.
00:13:33.520 So to, so to see them book that gig of being an Easter animal and, you know, being that, you know, being that, uh, they're like the Napoleon of candy, you know, to see rabbits get that gig and get out there, it's, it kind of, it kind of shaped their whole existence.
00:13:51.440 I feel like in, at least in America, you know, I don't know what animal is, is the Easter animal in other countries.
00:13:59.140 It could be a, I don't know what it could be.
00:14:02.220 They could have an Easter cricket in Spain.
00:14:06.060 You know, they probably have an Easter kangaroo in Australia.
00:14:08.280 I don't know.
00:14:08.880 Because otherwise rabbits are, I mean, they, they, they're kind of a strange animal.
00:14:15.560 You know, they fuck, I mean, they'll fuck anywhere.
00:14:18.380 You know, they got that kind of, I mean, they got that Jamaican blood in them.
00:14:21.640 I don't know if you have any friends that are Jamaican, but man, you, you leave, you know, you leave two, you leave two Jamaicans, uh, behind a, um, you leave two Jamaicans behind a shiffer robe.
00:14:32.440 You'll come back a little while later.
00:14:33.740 There'll be 19 Jamaicans there.
00:14:35.060 Jamaicans like to, you know, hit it and spray and make more Jamaicans because Jamaicans are partiers.
00:14:41.900 They like to have fun.
00:14:43.520 So if you have another Jamaican around you and y'all can make other Jamaicans, you're like, fuck yeah, let's make a party.
00:14:48.720 You know, they're not fucking to procreate and to make a family.
00:14:51.220 A lot of Jamaicans are like, let's fuck.
00:14:52.660 So there's more people at this party.
00:14:56.180 And that's how, you know, that's how I, otherwise rabbits, I think would have just been like that.
00:14:59.920 They would have just been like, you know, this kind of, this animal that was out fucking all the time.
00:15:05.060 But instead, you know, rabbits booked that role of the Easter animal and they got that.
00:15:09.840 They have a little bit more je me sais quoi.
00:15:12.720 And that's French.
00:15:14.020 What does that even mean, je me sais quoi?
00:15:15.560 I think it means French for like pomp and circumstance.
00:15:19.820 So, but that's a lucky animal because it could have been anything.
00:15:24.320 It could have been, you know, it could have been a frog.
00:15:27.580 It could have been the Easter frog.
00:15:28.680 And that would be probably creepy to think for kids.
00:15:31.880 But in some places, that's probably normal.
00:15:33.500 In Germany, it might be an Easter frog.
00:15:35.400 I don't know what some of the other countries do.
00:15:38.560 But, but I grew up, I remember, I didn't see a lot of, I guess, I didn't see a lot of stray rabbits until I worked on a farm.
00:15:47.240 I used to work on a farm outside of Faraday, Louisiana, which is where Jerry Lee Lewis is from.
00:15:52.180 And I didn't see a lot of stray rabbits until I worked up there.
00:15:56.340 And, and I do remember actually when I was really young, they had a girl in our neighborhood.
00:16:01.900 This girl named Doris, Splashy Doris, people used to call her because anytime it would rain and there would be puddles out on the street or whatever,
00:16:09.140 she would go out there, this little see you next Tuesday, you know what I'm talking about, coont.
00:16:14.220 She would go out there and put on these big boots, you know, her dad's boots, her stepdad's boots, or some man's boots that her mom was banging.
00:16:23.680 And Splashy Doris would go out there and splash in all the puddles until they like dispersed.
00:16:30.080 It was like she wanted to get rid of the puddles before the rest of the kids could come enjoy them.
00:16:35.860 You know, it was kind of, it was, she was kind of like the British.
00:16:40.100 You know, she wanted to show up and like, you know, ravage everything and get it and get all the joy for herself.
00:16:46.480 So she, you know, Splashy Doris would get out there and just, just splash these puddles in a, you know, smithereens.
00:16:52.220 And, and then by the time we got out there, we're like, where are all the puddles?
00:16:55.300 And Splashy Doris would be in the distance, just, you know, soaking wet head to toe, but acting like she ruled the world.
00:17:02.260 But she made a, they had a bunch of, not a bunch, but I would say maybe they had about 19 or maybe 30, maybe tall rabbits that came through one year.
00:17:12.560 I don't even remember.
00:17:13.240 I think it was like a cold year and a lot of tall rabbits came through and she had a lemonade stand, this girl Doris.
00:17:21.000 So she's out there selling lemonade or whatever.
00:17:23.320 And she had a brother.
00:17:24.280 He was, you know, this little fucker.
00:17:26.440 He wasn't much.
00:17:27.280 I mean, he was kind of, you kind of didn't even care if he grew up or not.
00:17:32.400 He was like that.
00:17:34.340 And, and, and these rabbits, next thing you know, just attacked this fucking lemonade.
00:17:40.540 And I don't know if these rabbits were from, you know, if they had kind of a, something in their system where they wanted that lemon or they wanted that sugar.
00:17:49.020 But until you've seen about, you know, 19 or maybe even 30 rabbits fuck up a couple of kids.
00:17:54.980 I mean, you haven't seen that much.
00:17:58.480 You haven't seen some of the joys in real life.
00:18:01.620 I mean, you know, one of the greatest joys is watching a big girl eat a snow cone in the rain.
00:18:06.120 And boy, if you haven't, if you haven't held your body to that, then what have you done?
00:18:13.460 Thank you guys for being here with me though, man.
00:18:15.560 It's nice to just kind of sit and reminisce.
00:18:17.300 It's been a long day, man.
00:18:18.100 I eat so much food and junk and I had just a whirlwind of days.
00:18:23.120 You know, I started off in New Orleans and then went over to, to Mandeville, which I got some family and then came here to Baton Rouge, flying back to Los Angeles tomorrow.
00:18:36.760 And I was thinking, you know, we had, we had our first guest last week and I want to thank everybody for supporting that.
00:18:41.640 Jay Moore came in.
00:18:42.740 And a lot of people, I mean, it was, first of all, it wasn't easy getting Jay Moore in.
00:18:47.820 I was excited that he came.
00:18:49.300 It wasn't easy.
00:18:51.140 But I was excited that he came and we had a nice time.
00:18:53.520 And I was nervous.
00:18:55.120 Dude, I was so nervous.
00:18:57.040 And I was nervous sitting there just like, you know, because I never really, I haven't had anybody in the new studio.
00:19:03.160 Usually I record by myself.
00:19:05.160 So to even have somebody there and, but Jay was really cool.
00:19:09.660 He was nice and friendly.
00:19:10.620 And I was glad that, you know, that I made it through that because I had a lot of anxiety about it.
00:19:16.060 And I don't know if my anxiety is that I don't know what to say or I think, honestly, a lot of my anxiety is that I'm not going to be smart enough to be in a conversation.
00:19:26.740 I think that's where a lot of my fear comes from when I think about it.
00:19:29.780 You know, that what if I start talking about something and, you know, but I guess a nice person in a conversation, they're not going to get so, they're not going to act.
00:19:39.440 I guess there's a difference between somebody being smart and acting smart.
00:19:42.700 Like I'm fine if somebody is smarter than me.
00:19:45.240 You know, I would bet, I would imagine probably 80% of the world is.
00:19:50.080 But if somebody acts real smarter than me, you know, they're straight up hogwarting on me and I'm just trying to survive.
00:19:55.960 Then that, you know, I guess that's some of my fear is that I'm going to be in a conversation and just trying to, you know, keep my head just, you know, it's like trying to just grasp for air.
00:20:07.980 So that's some of my fear, I guess.
00:20:10.160 But we had some calls that were, that came into the, that were supposed to be on the Jay Moore episode.
00:20:14.180 But, you know, as it flowed, I didn't know if we should like go to some calls or talk about the news or anything.
00:20:19.920 So we just kind of made it through it.
00:20:21.460 But I'm going to hit you guys with a couple of calls right here and I want to thank again Isaac George who sent in that song for the intro.
00:20:29.800 That is Seth Saves Spring.
00:20:32.580 And we're going to kind of meander through a couple of these calls from you guys that have come in over the last two weeks.
00:20:37.580 And then we will, you know, we'll make it through.
00:20:40.540 I mean, this is the start of spring.
00:20:42.160 This is April.
00:20:42.740 You know, April's that time, it's like, you know, this is like the rain, it starts to dry up.
00:20:50.600 So, you know, Splashy Doris is probably getting pissed wherever she is.
00:20:54.440 What if she's like 35 now or something and she's still out there splashing?
00:20:58.720 That's crazy, man.
00:21:00.300 It's crazy to think that things you could do when you were a kid, if you do them now, you'd probably go to jail.
00:21:04.900 You run up to somebody you don't know, put gum in their hair, you could probably go to jail.
00:21:12.060 You, you, you, what else do kids do now?
00:21:19.040 Just throw rocks at an abandoned house as an adult?
00:21:21.540 Well, I guess even if you do that as a kid, you could go to jail.
00:21:25.020 What else do kids do now?
00:21:28.120 Oh, just throw a tantrum at the mall?
00:21:29.560 You lay down at the mall, pull your pants down and just scream on the top of your lungs?
00:21:35.640 You'd probably go to jail or get picked up by a shady man, but probably go to jail.
00:21:41.940 Here's a call that came in right here, man.
00:21:43.380 I'm going to hit this hotline.
00:21:44.300 Here we go.
00:21:45.700 Hey, Theo, this is Andrew calling you back.
00:21:48.540 I called last week from South Dakota.
00:21:52.420 Thanks for calling, Andrew, from South Dakota.
00:21:55.320 And I think I've been to South Dakota.
00:21:56.920 I believe that's the Black Hills are over there.
00:21:59.160 And you guys have that Mount Rushmore.
00:22:02.580 And Mount Rushmore, they should diversify it a little bit.
00:22:05.960 I think they need to throw on, you know, they need to throw on some diversity on there.
00:22:11.160 You know, chisel a couple more heads on there.
00:22:13.380 Or at least make it so that some of the founding fathers that are up there, maybe you put a T-shirt on them.
00:22:22.100 One of them is wearing like a Manny Pacquiao shirt.
00:22:26.680 And one of them is wearing, you know, like a Carl Lewis or an Usain Bolt shirt.
00:22:33.220 And, you know, at least add some diversity to the environment over there.
00:22:36.180 I think that'd be pretty cool.
00:22:37.340 But let's hear more, Andrew.
00:22:38.180 Thank you for calling.
00:22:40.020 I'm telling you about my brother and I's weekend rock climbing.
00:22:42.740 And when you were asking about who listens to your podcast.
00:22:46.960 First, a little bit about me.
00:22:48.380 I'm a doctor and I'm a nurse practitioner.
00:22:50.900 Are you an NP?
00:22:52.000 I think that's what it's called.
00:22:52.900 I was a guest.
00:22:53.700 But you're a nurse practitioner.
00:22:55.680 And I think, you know, I don't know if I could be a nurse because I couldn't take blood out of somebody's body and not want to put it back in.
00:23:02.520 I'm the kind of person, if I take it, I feel like I should return it.
00:23:05.300 And even if they're like, no, I want to get it tested.
00:23:07.940 I want to donate it or whatever.
00:23:09.220 I feel like I would try to sneak back in in the middle of the night or if somebody was in a coma and, you know, shoot it back into them.
00:23:17.040 So that's one of the things I think I would struggle with as far as nursing goes.
00:23:21.060 Because a lot of these nurses, they take your blood out and they fucking sometimes they'll mail it off to a lab.
00:23:26.900 Like, what?
00:23:28.160 Are you some kind of like, you some kind of Postmates vampire?
00:23:32.800 You fucking mailing people's blood around and acting like you're normal and going home and feeding your kids Chef Boyardee?
00:23:39.380 Something isn't right.
00:23:41.100 Thanks for calling.
00:23:42.020 More.
00:23:42.920 And I work in a family practice clinic in South Dakota.
00:23:46.560 So, you know, I have patients from two years old to 102.
00:23:49.520 And we just, you know, we see patients and manage their medication.
00:23:52.580 This evening when my call was on, I got a call from my mom.
00:23:56.920 So, she's 48 years old and she's a nuclear medicine tech.
00:24:02.540 Oh, and apparently that nuclear medicine tech likes to meet some men because if she's only 48 and your mother's calling you and you sound at least, you sound older than 17 or 18.
00:24:12.600 You sound like a damn adult.
00:24:14.180 Then your mom was cracking eggs early.
00:24:15.940 Let's go more.
00:24:17.400 Lo and behold, she listens to your show, Theo.
00:24:19.740 She called freaking out.
00:24:21.400 I had no idea that she listened to the podcast.
00:24:25.660 She called freaking out saying, was that you calling in?
00:24:29.820 And so, that's kind of cool.
00:24:30.960 You got a mom-son duo listening to your podcast every week.
00:24:35.920 Oh, that's a cute thing, man.
00:24:37.260 I appreciate you sharing that with me.
00:24:39.300 You know, and happy spring to your mother because I'm sure she's probably listening as well.
00:24:44.120 So, you know, I got to see my mom today here at Easter and I got to see my mom and, you know, we had a kind of a sentimental moment actually.
00:24:53.960 You're making me think about it, Andrew.
00:24:55.320 So, I appreciate you sharing this because now you're making me think and making me feel a little bit.
00:25:01.160 You know, my mom was, I was saying bye to her today and, you know, I was talking last week on the Jay Moore episode about how, you know, my mother and I never laugh.
00:25:12.180 You know, and I don't know if we ever have.
00:25:15.360 You know, it just, things were just stressful when I was young and so we didn't, it's just, there wasn't a lot of humor.
00:25:21.920 There wasn't a lot of free joy around the house.
00:25:26.520 And the TV shows we watched together, we watched America Most Wanted and we watched Unsolved Mysteries.
00:25:34.320 So, I went to bed in straight up fear.
00:25:36.680 You know what I'm saying?
00:25:37.040 I'm wrapped up in the dark arts.
00:25:38.420 My whole brain is just clouded up in that shroud of murder and espionage and, you know, long lost family members and Amelia Earhart.
00:25:47.680 I mean, I swear to God, every episode of Unsolved Mysteries was about Amelia Earhart and you know that.
00:25:55.160 And it was kind of wild, you know, I was saying bye to my mom today and, you know, sometimes I wonder because I haven't, you know, I do always, you know, I wasn't the most happiest about my childhood.
00:26:07.860 You know, I didn't, I didn't, you know, my childhood didn't leave me with a lot of positive feelings inside of myself that prepared me or made me feel comfortable as I became an adult.
00:26:21.880 They did not.
00:26:25.100 Whatever happened when I was young, it just left me with a lot of self-doubt, a lot of insecurity, a lot of self-worth issues.
00:26:31.780 And, you know, things that I still battle with.
00:26:35.120 I'm fighting.
00:26:37.160 But, and I've, and you know, as I've gotten older, you know, I've realized that a lot of that was because of my upbringing.
00:26:44.840 You know, it was just, and I believe that my mother probably did the best job that she could.
00:26:49.880 And so I just, I started to worry recently, well, you know, do I, you know, am I, am I ever, even without knowing it, am I ever, you know, just, you know, have I shown, have I let my mother know that I'm, you know, grateful.
00:27:07.000 That I'm, you know, even if, even if, even if my mother never did anything for me, you know, at the very least somewhere inside of me, I have to be grateful that, which isn't true.
00:27:21.780 I mean, my mother did a lot for me, but that, that I'm grateful that she made me, you know, and so whenever she was leaving today, you know, she gave me a hug and, and I didn't let her go.
00:27:33.420 You know, you know, I just held on to her, you know, and I rode through that moment of uncomfort where you would usually, you know, it might be a little uncomfortable.
00:27:40.080 And then we were in second hugs.
00:27:41.760 Now we're on that second hug, you know, I'm starting to get second hug syndrome where you stay in a hug too long.
00:27:46.840 And we need to do this video, and we thought about doing it last year where you hug a family member who doesn't like you, and you got to hold on to them for eight seconds.
00:27:53.720 And you record it, and whoever does the best one, you know, we give them a prize.
00:27:59.460 And we're hopefully going to do that again soon because nobody sent any videos last year.
00:28:03.420 And that's that new professional bull riding, hugging a family member that doesn't like you for eight seconds.
00:28:08.160 How long can you stay on?
00:28:10.940 But so I hugged my mom, and, you know, I stayed through that first uncomfortable moment, and then I'm riding a second hug.
00:28:16.280 So we're now with me and her drifting into some, you know, some new areas in that second hug, and then I stayed through that second hug moment where, you know, a hug's gone on too long.
00:28:25.300 I was like, I'm fucking staying in this hug.
00:28:28.180 And I stayed through that, and then that third hug, and I could feel her, she started hugging me back a little more, you know, and I knew that, you know, I just knew for a second that she knew that this was, you know, just kind of a different moment.
00:28:39.800 I was just trying to create a different moment because I'll get, you know, I'll just get used to doing the same moments, you know, the ones that are comfortable, the ones that are comfortable, the ones that are comfortable, maybe not even in a positive way, but just ones that are comfortable for me that I'm used to.
00:28:55.380 And so I was like, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to ride through a couple of hug breaks.
00:29:01.080 And then, you know, she was leaving, and I just told her, I said, you know, I just wanted to thank you.
00:29:05.100 I just, you know, sometimes I don't know if you know how much I care about you.
00:29:08.220 And sometimes I feel like I get so caught up in dealing with some of my feelings from growing up and, you know, and some of my, the problems and shit I feel like, because I know I get emo on this.
00:29:20.000 I know I get emo out here with you guys, but I say I, sometimes I feel like I deal with some of that so much that I forget, you know, that maybe I don't let you know that in addition to me, you know, you know, figuring some of this out and thinking about it that I, you know, I have always really cared about you.
00:29:36.640 And, you know, because that's true.
00:29:39.580 I mean, even there are times if you don't get along with somebody or you even can't stand them or, you know, in your life, there's probably really, there's probably a part of you that still, you know, that cares.
00:29:53.060 Because you wouldn't, you wouldn't have as much invested on the other side if you didn't think there was something real positive to gain on the positive side.
00:30:04.580 But, you know, I'm probably not going to hate somebody unless I feel like, man, if the tables were turned and we were in a better position, then I could really like them.
00:30:14.640 But so I appreciate you sharing that moment, Andrew, because, you know, it's, it's nice.
00:30:19.580 I think that's cool when you find out that you and your mother have some connection.
00:30:23.540 There are things you guys like together.
00:30:25.380 I mean, it's wild.
00:30:26.100 I still like Brian Adams.
00:30:27.900 You know, I still like Brian Adams.
00:30:29.540 It was, everything I do, I do it for you.
00:30:35.680 And because, you know, we used to clean the house to that.
00:30:38.400 My mother used to make us clean the house to that.
00:30:39.880 And she used to spray us down, spray that soot off of us.
00:30:43.120 You know, and we would look, I mean, we looked like we were from another planet.
00:30:47.820 Because when you get in those ditches and you got all that ash, you get all that, you get the black and you get the gray.
00:30:53.220 And so you could do some stuff around your eyes, like, you know, make a gray mustache or, you know, we look like little, just, just like licorice critters.
00:31:03.800 When we come out that ditch, mom, we get to the door and be like, oh, and mom would be like, what the fuck?
00:31:09.600 And she'd spray us down.
00:31:11.080 And that was a good time.
00:31:12.340 But I appreciate you sharing that moment that you and your mother, hey, you guys are listeners.
00:31:15.660 And thank you.
00:31:16.580 Thank you, Andrew.
00:31:17.460 And I hope you guys have a beautiful spring over there.
00:31:20.300 Let's take this call.
00:31:22.400 It came in from Jeremy.
00:31:23.900 Jeremy, here we go.
00:31:25.640 Theo, this is Jeremy from Jersey.
00:31:27.540 Just wanted to tell you about my past weekend.
00:31:29.780 Thank you for calling Jeremy from Jersey.
00:31:32.440 And I'll be in Hasbrook Heights, New Jersey, in a couple of weeks, April 20th and 21st at Bananas Comedy Club.
00:31:43.460 All right, let's hear more.
00:31:45.600 On Thursday, I broke my foot playing basketball.
00:31:48.720 Oh, you broke that foot, huh?
00:31:50.300 So you're down to one hoof.
00:31:52.060 They call you one hoof jare.
00:31:54.200 Now, you're out there storking.
00:31:55.980 Now, you can only play center.
00:31:57.500 And you can only play it on one leg.
00:31:59.080 This ought to be good.
00:32:00.560 Let's hear more.
00:32:02.100 Here's the kicker.
00:32:03.180 This coming Saturday, I'm getting married.
00:32:06.900 So you're getting married on that one leg.
00:32:10.700 Hmm.
00:32:11.600 So you got one foot in.
00:32:13.440 You got one foot out the door already.
00:32:15.740 That was ridiculously sad.
00:32:17.860 Onward.
00:32:18.180 My fiancee was not happy about it, to say the least.
00:32:23.860 Yeah, well, she's not happy about it because you're coming in clumsy.
00:32:27.340 You know, this is a time when you need to be shining.
00:32:30.160 This is a time when, if anything, you need to sprout another leg.
00:32:33.540 You know, or sprout a second cop.
00:32:36.360 But you're out there.
00:32:37.100 You know, you only got two wheels, and you're blowing one of them out.
00:32:40.900 Playing hoops at whatever, 35.
00:32:43.940 Like, who are you supposed to be?
00:32:46.020 Huh?
00:32:46.580 You Kevin McHale?
00:32:48.000 You Muggsy Boggs?
00:32:49.520 Who are you supposed to be, man?
00:32:51.640 You know, you ain't, you stunting out there at the YMCA, dog?
00:32:55.200 Shut it down.
00:32:57.020 You know, sometimes I see men, you know, 45-year-old men out there skateboarding.
00:33:01.320 Going off of ramps.
00:33:03.140 And shattering their spines.
00:33:05.080 And I'm like, well, no fucking shit, dude.
00:33:08.360 Skateboarding's for children.
00:33:10.420 What if I was still doing finger paints all day?
00:33:13.040 In the afternoon.
00:33:15.000 And you expect me to think, you know, Picasso, you know.
00:33:19.700 Because these skateboarder men, they'll be like, oh, I'm a Tony Hawk fan.
00:33:23.000 Well, that's great.
00:33:23.600 But you're not Tony Hawk.
00:33:25.180 He is.
00:33:26.860 What you are is a man that's about to probably end up in a wheelchair soon.
00:33:32.580 And then his wife's going to have to work all the time and make that money.
00:33:35.660 And you're going to be at home in that chair eating TV dinners.
00:33:39.800 And that's, you know, and that shit will ruin a marriage.
00:33:42.440 But anyhow, thanks for calling, Jeremy.
00:33:43.740 Let's hear more.
00:33:44.780 It wasn't until about three days in where she started feeling bad for me.
00:33:48.880 But she's been taking care of me.
00:33:50.880 So she's definitely a good girl.
00:33:52.900 Wow.
00:33:54.080 So it took her three days to feel bad for you.
00:33:56.180 Yeah, I could imagine that.
00:33:57.480 Because a woman, dude, the wedding, that's everything.
00:34:00.060 That's the only, you just have to look good that night.
00:34:03.000 The next day, you could lose your hair.
00:34:05.300 You could mail your dick to another country.
00:34:08.680 You could do anything after that.
00:34:11.600 But that wedding, that's it.
00:34:13.240 You got to show up.
00:34:15.040 You got to have your, if you have tits under your arms, you better give them haircuts.
00:34:18.540 That's the night you got to show up, that wedding night.
00:34:21.780 But after that, who cares?
00:34:25.340 Who cares?
00:34:25.900 A lot of women don't even care if you go missing after that.
00:34:29.120 You could, you know, you could disappear on a cruise.
00:34:31.500 A lot of them don't give a fuck.
00:34:33.380 You need to show up for that night.
00:34:35.980 Make it legal.
00:34:37.020 Make it legit.
00:34:38.160 So they got that alimony paper coming in.
00:34:41.340 Y'all need to have the big thing.
00:34:42.700 Get the pictures.
00:34:43.360 That's what you got to do.
00:34:45.820 That's your responsibility as a man.
00:34:47.920 And you out there fucking shooting hook shots.
00:34:51.240 You know, out there at the DFW.
00:34:53.240 Out there at the American Legion.
00:34:55.160 Playing on a men over 35 year old team, the Rattlers.
00:34:59.040 We're the Rattlers.
00:35:00.000 Y'all ain't the fucking Rattlers.
00:35:01.420 Most of y'all work at the bank.
00:35:03.280 Okay, so we got to tighten up, Jeremy.
00:35:05.740 Let's hear more.
00:35:06.480 So this past weekend was a bad weekend.
00:35:11.500 Next weekend will be a good weekend.
00:35:14.120 And then on April 21st, I'm coming to see you at Bananas Comedy with my buddies.
00:35:20.300 Damn, man.
00:35:21.040 I feel bad about making fun of you now.
00:35:24.620 Well, thank you.
00:35:25.580 Thank you.
00:35:26.420 Thank you.
00:35:27.080 I'm excited you're coming out to Bananas.
00:35:28.860 I didn't know that.
00:35:29.860 I hadn't heard the whole call.
00:35:32.340 And look, hopefully you'll be better by then.
00:35:36.760 That's what I'm saying.
00:35:38.540 You know, obviously your wife is a good lady if she's helping you already after three days.
00:35:41.940 It does sound like you got a good woman.
00:35:44.280 You know, it sounds like, you know, hopefully this is the only time that you break a foot.
00:35:49.680 I mean, things happen.
00:35:51.840 You know, they had a man somewhere.
00:35:54.160 You know, he was supposed to get married.
00:35:58.060 And apparently the day before he was supposed to get married, he married a different woman.
00:36:02.020 And so, at least you're not doing that.
00:36:06.700 At least you're just breaking your foot.
00:36:08.960 I mean, you got to look at the bright side, I guess.
00:36:10.520 But I'll see you in New Jersey.
00:36:12.020 I don't know if any of that even made any sense, brother.
00:36:14.000 But I'll see you in New Jersey, gang.
00:36:16.080 Oh, and also, if you got to wear that boot, at least deck that thing out.
00:36:23.340 You know, I'm out here.
00:36:24.240 I'm at a crawfish boil today here in Louisiana.
00:36:26.280 And the first time ever in my life I've seen a man with two.
00:36:28.700 You ever seen those people that have.
00:36:30.240 So, if you hurt a, you know, you break one of your tarsals or you bust a foot, you got to wear that boot.
00:36:37.660 You know, you got that RoboCop unit that big.
00:36:39.640 It almost looks like you're going snowboarding, but you're not in the snow or anything.
00:36:43.700 You're just in a regular area.
00:36:46.140 And this gentleman, he had two.
00:36:48.400 He had one on each foot.
00:36:50.120 So, he just, you know, he was Cupid shuffling everywhere.
00:36:53.420 And I've never seen that before.
00:36:55.180 But just be thankful you only broke one foot.
00:36:57.300 You could have broke your neck.
00:36:58.940 And now you got to be, you know, now you and your wife got to, you know, your wife has to, you know, you're going to be in a, probably in a wheelchair most of your life.
00:37:06.280 You're in, like, a uniform, you know, a robotic outfit.
00:37:10.240 So, at least you just broke your foot.
00:37:11.740 At least you can still stand there and tell your wife you love her.
00:37:15.100 But at least stand up.
00:37:16.240 Even though you only got one leg, I'd stand up there on one leg.
00:37:19.540 Because I don't know if, if, if, if, I don't even know if a marriage is binding if you're on one foot.
00:37:24.640 You might be able to, you know, loophole your way out of that if you have to.
00:37:28.520 But she sounds like a good woman and I'll see you in New Jersey.
00:37:31.460 Let's take another call here.
00:37:32.560 Here we go.
00:37:33.480 What's up, Theo?
00:37:34.360 It's Joe from Pittsburgh.
00:37:35.300 Joe from Pittsburgh.
00:37:37.920 Thank you for calling, Joe.
00:37:39.020 I caught pink eye up there in Pittsburgh one time.
00:37:42.740 From a blowjob, actually.
00:37:44.620 And that was a long time ago.
00:37:45.960 Let's hear more.
00:37:47.240 I'm just wondering if you're still doing that meditation, masturbation, where you're jerking off 50-year-old ladies in their apartments on Wednesday mornings.
00:37:57.940 Well, that's not exactly what occurred, Joseph.
00:38:02.000 So, if we want to look at facts, let's look at facts.
00:38:05.300 And you're talking about orgasmic meditation and that is a kind of a seminar group that I got involved with where some people know about this, some people don't.
00:38:13.660 But it's, you can look it up.
00:38:14.760 It's called orgasmic, orgasmic meditation.
00:38:17.400 And that's where you meet up with people and you pleasure them with your hands.
00:38:23.180 You pleasure a lady, you know, and they spray out kind of or whatever and then you leave.
00:38:28.940 And it's, like, supposed to, like, boost everybody's spirits.
00:38:32.640 And that's sort of the abridged version of it.
00:38:34.720 And I'll tell you more about it another time.
00:38:36.840 But I'm, you know, I'm in my brother's living room right now and they got children around in the distance.
00:38:41.540 You know, some of them are asleep.
00:38:42.540 But, you know, you never know if the, when you talk about the dark arts, if the words will just kind of creep out of your, out of your mouth into their, you know, into their resting brains.
00:38:52.480 And I don't want to be a part of that.
00:38:54.120 But thank you for asking, Jeremy and I, Joe, and I will do that.
00:38:57.860 I'll talk about that at a future spot.
00:39:01.120 Here we go.
00:39:01.840 Let's go to another call, man.
00:39:02.800 I'm sorry I'm just jumping in on the calls here.
00:39:04.500 You know, I know, it's just, you know, I'm in, I'm literally here at the dining table in my brother's place.
00:39:13.320 And I don't want to, you know, you just don't know if my voice is battering around the house and keeping people up.
00:39:18.960 Here we go.
00:39:21.020 Hey, Theo.
00:39:21.740 My name's Lee.
00:39:22.660 I'm from Kingston, Ontario, Canada.
00:39:26.200 Lee from Kingston.
00:39:28.140 Thank you for calling me, man.
00:39:30.320 It's Lee from Kingston.
00:39:32.780 Here we go.
00:39:33.280 Um, I got a little bit of a snafu here.
00:39:37.780 Um, I've been with, uh, my girlfriend for about a year now.
00:39:41.920 Uh, she doesn't participate in, uh, any cocaine use.
00:39:46.360 Oh, so she ain't on that dust.
00:39:48.980 And Lee, apparently, and here's, that's another way people will sometimes say that they on that dust.
00:39:55.300 Is by saying somebody else isn't, you know?
00:39:58.180 Like you show up with your buddy Carl and you're like, hey, uh, this is Carl.
00:40:01.820 He doesn't use cocaine.
00:40:04.080 That's basically throwing Carl under the bus.
00:40:07.700 And it's just a nice way of saying you do cocaine.
00:40:10.720 But thank you for calling, Lee.
00:40:11.720 I'm, uh, glad I know that your lady doesn't do it.
00:40:14.460 Onward.
00:40:15.280 Or any drugs for that matter.
00:40:16.460 Uh, I got a, uh, day booked this Friday to go to, uh, like a, uh, Nordic spa for a couple days with her.
00:40:26.780 Nordic spa.
00:40:27.740 Now, that's not like a trap to me.
00:40:29.000 I don't know if you've ever seen, um, Game of Thrones, but a Nordic spa sounds like a trap.
00:40:36.020 You get in the water, you know, you feeling good.
00:40:38.800 They say they got all kinds of special things in the water.
00:40:41.240 Ivory, mint, uh, you know, juniper, honey, cinnamon, all types of stuff that's supposed to get into your body and make you feel good.
00:40:49.920 And then, Cadeo, a motherfucker, shows up in deer furs and fucks you up.
00:40:55.920 A Nordic spa?
00:40:58.220 Let's hear more.
00:40:59.540 It's going to be a little vacation.
00:41:01.000 I was thinking about bringing some cocaine along and dipping into that, but I don't want it to ruin, ruin the time here.
00:41:08.100 I'm wondering if you ever dip into that while you're with a female that she doesn't participate.
00:41:16.720 So, uh, I definitely don't want to ruin the weekend.
00:41:19.540 And, uh, I'm just wondering if you have any tips for me or, or what you think I should, uh, how you think I should attack this.
00:41:26.920 Ooh, man, I love this call.
00:41:31.280 I love this call.
00:41:32.740 Thank you.
00:41:33.860 Well, look, I'll tell you this.
00:41:35.660 You know, you do a couple of speed bumps and you start, you know, you start just chewing on that little antelope mouth.
00:41:43.360 If you want a little bit of cocaine, boy, I'll, dude, I'll eat the, you know, I'll eat the fucking ball bag off a cab driver.
00:41:51.020 You know what I'm saying?
00:41:51.800 Man, you know, I'll eat the fuck, I'll eat the damn tits off a nun on some cocaine, boy.
00:41:58.720 I don't, you know, you could damn, you could, you could wash somebody's ass with your teeth.
00:42:06.120 You know, I'm not trying to be too loud in here because they got family in the distance, but boy, are you kidding me?
00:42:12.540 So I would, but don't take a bunch, don't get a bunch out there because you start doing a bunch and you're sitting in the hot spa and they got, you start getting dehydrated and your heart's beating fast.
00:42:24.240 That's awkward.
00:42:25.960 You know, you're going to be like a senior citizen then.
00:42:27.720 But you got to, I would, you know, maybe do a bump of here then, you know, chew on that freaking little sugar spout.
00:42:36.840 Do what you got to do.
00:42:38.960 Because that thing, you know, that'll make you, I mean, that'll make you, you know, that'll make you, that'll turn, that cocaine will turn your tongue into Magellan.
00:42:47.240 If you know what I'm saying.
00:42:48.660 That thing will make you, that thing will get out there and look for new lands.
00:42:52.940 Friends, so you might be able to treat your lady right if you got a little bit of that dust in you, but, but, you know, just be careful.
00:43:02.480 You don't want to pressure her into doing it.
00:43:04.020 You got to be careful if she don't taste it on your mouth or your face either.
00:43:08.120 And your face can't be getting all numbed up and you guys go to dinner, you order a bunch of soup or you order some crab.
00:43:13.960 Like, you try to, you know, you start, you know, just face fucking a crustacean.
00:43:20.680 Like, I've done some crazy shit on some cocaine at dinner.
00:43:24.280 You know, I tried to eat a roll one time, a bread roll.
00:43:27.920 And I was so coked out, man, I couldn't even, I guess somewhere in my head I felt like, man, I have to finish this roll.
00:43:35.000 Like, everybody at the table is going to think it's weird if I don't finish this bread roll.
00:43:38.120 And that wasn't true.
00:43:39.460 I thought that in my own head.
00:43:41.320 So I'm just trying to shove this.
00:43:43.740 And it got to the point where it was just me against this roll.
00:43:47.160 It was, it was like a, like a super, it was like a, a competition.
00:43:52.100 It was just me against this.
00:43:53.000 Well, nobody at the table even gave a fuck in the beginning.
00:43:55.000 But by the end, they're like, Jesus, this dude will not let this bread go.
00:43:59.940 And I was trying to get that bread into me.
00:44:02.120 So that kind of stuff can happen.
00:44:03.420 You just got to monitor what's going on.
00:44:05.000 And so I think, you know, have a little hit here, have a little hit there, but don't get grammed out.
00:44:11.340 Don't get grammed out and start, you know, abusing your lady or, you know, trying to start a threesome with somebody, you know, the cleaning lady or that kind of shit.
00:44:19.600 That's the thing.
00:44:21.300 Cocaine, you'll have one plan.
00:44:23.580 You know, you'll have one plan, but the next thing you know, you do too much.
00:44:26.360 You got 90 plans and you're naked and you're in a room by yourself somewhere.
00:44:30.320 You in the broom closet and you got four of your fingers in your ass.
00:44:33.740 So just control yourself.
00:44:36.900 Control yourself.
00:44:38.100 Because some people, they can manage their drug use.
00:44:40.380 They can manage their alcohol.
00:44:41.940 I cannot.
00:44:42.780 I cannot manage my drug use at this time in my life.
00:44:46.000 But thank you for calling there, Lee.
00:44:48.020 I appreciate that.
00:44:48.900 Also, I want to remind you guys that this and every episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza.
00:44:55.860 Gray Block Pizza.
00:44:57.300 Think about, think about, think of if you were just strapped on a desert island and a plane flew overhead and something fell out of that plane.
00:45:06.680 And it landed right in your mouth.
00:45:10.940 That is Gray Block Pizza.
00:45:13.220 That's the magic of it.
00:45:14.620 And that's at 1811 Pico Boulevard in Los Angeles.
00:45:17.800 And you could be blind or you could be deaf or you could have super senses and super powers.
00:45:23.380 Gray Block.
00:45:24.420 Get that hitter, son.
00:45:25.300 All right.
00:45:27.040 Let's take this call right here.
00:45:28.680 I'm going to let you guys know, too.
00:45:29.720 I've got a couple of dates.
00:45:30.480 I'll be in Tampa this weekend.
00:45:32.380 So come out to Tampa.
00:45:33.260 The Dark Arts Tour.
00:45:34.020 We're going to put those dates up soon.
00:45:35.400 Got a lot of neat cities that you don't know about yet that are going to be on TheoVaughn.com slash tour.
00:45:42.100 T-O-U-R.
00:45:44.920 Here we go.
00:45:46.440 Let's take this call here.
00:45:48.020 Hi, Theo.
00:45:51.860 My name is Rebecca.
00:45:53.940 I'm calling from Virginia.
00:45:56.400 Hey, Rebecca, and thank you for calling.
00:45:58.480 Happy Easter to you.
00:46:00.120 However, I went to a middle school in Belchase, Louisiana, if you are familiar with the area.
00:46:05.680 Oh, yeah.
00:46:06.340 Belchase, boy.
00:46:08.200 A friend of mine got, I don't know if he got rabies, but he got bit by something pretty heartily over there in Belchase one time.
00:46:15.640 And that's the kind of area where anything could happen.
00:46:18.020 And, you know, a lot of stray animals and stray humans over there.
00:46:22.520 You know, a lot of adults sucking their thumb over there in Belchase.
00:46:25.480 A lot of people doing flooring.
00:46:27.440 You know, people do flooring.
00:46:28.620 They floor this.
00:46:29.420 They floor.
00:46:30.140 That's the thing.
00:46:30.740 You get into certain parts outside of New Orleans, everybody does flooring.
00:46:34.020 You want flooring?
00:46:35.420 People are like, I got a floor.
00:46:36.580 They're like, you want a floor on?
00:46:37.900 You want double floors?
00:46:39.020 Like, what is that?
00:46:40.640 You want floors on the ceiling?
00:46:43.580 That's what I'm saying.
00:46:44.020 Then you could walk on your hands and feel like you, you know, you still got a chance with your feet.
00:46:51.340 You could do flooring anywhere.
00:46:53.200 Flooring over the windows.
00:46:54.520 Once you get outside of New Orleans, everything is flooring.
00:46:57.720 And that's the flooring belt.
00:46:59.580 But let's hear more.
00:47:00.700 Thank you for calling.
00:47:01.220 Hearing you talking about having children in a previous podcast reminded me of a dilemma I'm facing.
00:47:10.240 I am going to be marrying an absolutely amazing person in May.
00:47:17.460 And, oh my gosh, I think about, of course, having a family with this person at some point.
00:47:24.460 Oh, wow.
00:47:24.940 That's a nervous feeling.
00:47:26.040 For me, it is.
00:47:27.220 But let's hear more.
00:47:28.160 But I kind of struggle with the idea of having our own children when the option of adoption is available.
00:47:39.700 You know, I think that there is a lot of ego that goes into having children.
00:47:45.520 And I wonder if adoption is really the ultimate, you know, action of love, sign of love.
00:47:55.060 So I just want to know what your thoughts on that are.
00:47:59.260 Thanks for calling, Rebecca.
00:48:00.580 Yeah, that's, you know, I'm excited to hear that you found somebody that, you know, means a lot to you.
00:48:06.860 And I wish you the best of luck there.
00:48:09.740 Yeah, that's a great question.
00:48:11.400 I mean, there's a lot of parents I see that, you know, they, I mean, I see parents that have children that are just almost like, you know,
00:48:20.380 they just get them all decked out with nice cars and nice clothes.
00:48:23.580 And it's almost like they just, the kid is like an extension of them, but almost more like an advertisement for the parents.
00:48:30.360 I see parents that are, seem super involved with their children, you know, and they, they just, you know, they just want to be a, you know,
00:48:41.660 I guess you can't help but to want to be like a, obviously you need to be a provider, but they just want to be there for them.
00:48:47.380 And they want to help them, they just want to give them the best opportunity to have a comfortable life, you know,
00:48:52.420 maybe to learn from some of the things that they didn't have as a child, and then to be able to hopefully find some ways to offer those to their kids.
00:49:02.360 But, you know, when it comes to adoption, I don't know, you know, I've never had anybody in my family that's been adopted.
00:49:08.220 One of my buddies has, and, you know, he talks about it a little bit sometimes, you know, I can't imagine what that's like.
00:49:18.880 You know, I have a friend who does foster care, and he fosters a lot of children.
00:49:23.760 And that, it's always, you know, that brings, you know, that'll bring a tear to my eye sometimes thinking about that.
00:49:29.460 You know, when I see pictures of him and, you know, him bringing, him and his wife bringing these people into their lives and bringing these children in,
00:49:35.520 it really makes me feel something.
00:49:38.220 Um, but I think, you know, you just ask your heart about that kind of stuff.
00:49:43.380 You know, I don't know if it's egotistical to have a child of your own.
00:49:46.040 If you think you can be a good parent, if you care about raising children, you know, it's probably okay.
00:49:52.540 You know, you could try to do one of each.
00:49:54.620 You could try foster care first to see if it's something that you're good at.
00:50:00.020 Um, you know, so I think it's nice that you're thinking about it.
00:50:03.860 I think it's nice we're talking about it.
00:50:05.100 Maybe there's other people thinking about it.
00:50:06.460 You know, some of my, I used to read that book, Cider House Rules all the time.
00:50:11.480 And those kids out there, you know, they, you know, they trying to, you know, if you go into a foster place or a adoption center,
00:50:18.800 you know, all the kids, they put on like a nice shirt or if they don't have a nice shirt,
00:50:23.040 some kids will put on like a, a vest or a cape.
00:50:25.980 You know, I remember a friend of mine one time saying he went to an adoption place and one kid, he, he didn't even have a nice suit.
00:50:32.060 But he had like a vampire outfit.
00:50:34.100 And this motherfucker's dressed up like a vampire thinking he's going to get adopted.
00:50:38.380 I'm like, damn.
00:50:40.160 You know, I don't know if people are going to want a little vamp at the house.
00:50:42.600 So I don't know what kind of, you know, haberdashing guidance they have in some of these joints.
00:50:48.540 So they might be able to use some, some help when it comes to even, you know, clothes and stuff like that.
00:50:54.900 Some of these kids.
00:50:56.300 But I think it's a great idea.
00:50:58.900 You know, I think anything that we can do to help is a good idea.
00:51:01.820 You know, maybe one day I would like to have it, you know, have, you know, try and help if I can handle it.
00:51:07.860 That's another thing, you know, it's like, can you handle it?
00:51:09.960 Do you know if you can handle it?
00:51:12.200 And I'm sure after you have, you know, if you have one child of your own, if you do foster, you know, help out some foster kids and maybe you'll get an idea of it.
00:51:20.160 Because I have also have friends who have adopted kids like from other countries and some of that shit has gone astray.
00:51:25.960 You know, one of my friends adopted a child from Russia.
00:51:28.380 This little girl, the girl burned her house down.
00:51:31.820 And they don't tell you that when you're reading the pamphlet on the child if they do arson.
00:51:36.240 So it's hit or miss.
00:51:37.740 You know, it's hit or miss out there.
00:51:41.340 But what else, man?
00:51:42.480 You know, I think I'm going to wheel it in for tonight, guys.
00:51:46.160 And I don't mean that, you know, I appreciate all you guys, all you guys supporting for listening and being supportive.
00:51:52.020 But it's just, you know, I'm just in a tough locale here.
00:51:55.360 I've got the family.
00:51:56.280 I've got people in the kitchen right now doing dessert and stuff.
00:51:58.640 And I'm out here talking about, you know, Russian children burning shit down and people jerking off and stuff.
00:52:05.440 So I just don't know what's appropriate.
00:52:07.820 Somebody's heating up a, I think, some Totino's right now, a thing of pizza rolls.
00:52:13.160 But, you know, I might have to get me a couple of them things.
00:52:16.500 But I appreciate the support.
00:52:19.860 I'm excited to get some new guests in coming up.
00:52:23.000 I'm excited to get home and get back into the studio and keep things moving over there.
00:52:27.440 I want to thank you guys for just for tuning in this week and for being a part of things.
00:52:32.080 I'm going to wish everybody a happy Easter.
00:52:33.560 And we'll get back into the regular flow of things this Thursday.
00:52:40.220 And also, those episodes, it's going to be, we're going to be going live, too, on Thursday, I believe, with Live Rays.
00:52:46.220 And that's a new app you can check out.
00:52:48.820 And I'll put the link to them in the episodes.
00:52:52.900 You can just kind of see what they're about and the information.
00:52:55.360 But thank you guys for all your support.
00:52:56.840 Hope your Easter was great.
00:52:57.900 Hope you got to spend some time with somebody you loved or even somebody you hated.
00:53:01.700 And if they were somebody you hated, I hope you held on them for eight seconds.
00:53:05.300 And I hope you caught a video of it, man, because I would love to see that.
00:53:08.640 You guys be good to yourselves.
00:53:10.780 I bet you deserve it.
00:53:31.700 That's it.
00:53:37.240 That's it.
00:53:37.260 That's it.
00:53:39.340 Thank you.
00:54:09.340 Thank you.
00:54:39.340 Happy April, guys.
00:55:09.340 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long. Longer than anybody else. So great.
00:55:15.220 Aye, sweetheart. Here's a deal. Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
00:55:22.120 Jermaine.
00:55:23.460 Hi. I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
00:55:27.180 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
00:55:29.300 Oh, no.
00:55:30.800 I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me.
00:55:34.040 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club. Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club. Third rule. Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
00:55:47.740 And yes, don't worry. My Brad Pitt impression will get better.