This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Fake Machu Picchu

00:00:00.000 Are you touching yourself?

00:00:02.620 Well, shut it down and act right.

00:00:07.160 It's time for the dang episode.

00:00:30.000 It's time for the dang episode.

00:01:00.000 It's you and me, enjoy the destination, nation, nation, nation, fantasy, painted on the wall.

00:01:18.800 It's never too late to come over.

00:01:24.380 Time slips away from you and me now.

00:01:35.380 So don't hesitate to come over.

00:01:41.380 Why must we wait when we're alive?

00:01:50.380 And that right there, that's Stevie Starlight.

00:01:59.380 Stevie Starlight.

00:02:01.380 And that's his hit song, Come Over.

00:02:05.380 And that music video is located on the YouTubes.

00:02:11.660 You can get on there and get you a free hit of Stevie Starlight whenever you want.

00:02:16.660 And he came in here a while back and did a music review with us.

00:02:19.220 And, man, it was really enjoyable.

00:02:21.600 It was really.

00:02:23.320 You know, he's a special, he's a special, he's just something that, you know, sometimes the Lord just takes a syringe

00:02:32.420 and just injects something, something unique into the universe.

00:02:39.960 And that is Stevie Starlight.

00:02:42.080 And that is who he is and that is his song, Come Over.

00:02:45.760 He has a new album out too, I think, somewhere out there.

00:02:47.780 So you can go peep it.

00:02:51.140 Back, it's me.

00:02:52.580 It's me back in studio.

00:02:53.840 Or not, it's me, but it's interesting to be back in my own studio, our studio.

00:03:01.520 Because Chris D'Elia was here.

00:03:06.100 Fucking Critter Delano was here.

00:03:08.860 Fucking Crispy Damayani was here.

00:03:12.820 Okay?

00:03:14.560 And who knows what he did.

00:03:16.100 Look, I remember when I came back in after he'd been in here, it smelled like a, um...

00:03:21.940 You know, sometimes you'll see that fancy store they have in the airport.

00:03:25.320 Johnston and Murphy's.

00:03:27.840 And a lot of people don't know the history of Johnston and Murphy's.

00:03:31.320 And Johnston and Murphy's were two men that...

00:03:34.620 I mean, they had wives, but...

00:03:37.640 They wasn't thinking about them, let's say that.

00:03:40.940 And they would...

00:03:43.300 You know, they were constantly trying to just dress better than each other.

00:03:47.380 And, you know, tie their shoes faster.

00:03:50.220 You know, I think it was, uh...

00:03:53.660 A man, I think I could look at it.

00:03:55.760 Benjamin Johnson.

00:03:58.080 And Dustin Murphy.

00:04:01.080 And Benny and Dusty.

00:04:02.560 And they would...

00:04:03.660 You know, they were always trying to have pants that could fit as good as they could.

00:04:07.280 And just, oh.

00:04:08.620 Just, oh.

00:04:09.580 Button my shirt as fast as I can.

00:04:12.940 And they would just, you know, everything was just perfect.

00:04:15.640 And they just looked all just so perfect.

00:04:18.600 And they kept, like, trying to outdo each other.

00:04:20.920 One of them would put on a bow tie.

00:04:22.640 And one of them would put on a little, you know, a little, uh...

00:04:26.080 A tight, small scarf, you know.

00:04:28.140 And just so tight he could only whisper.

00:04:30.940 His throat wasn't fully open.

00:04:33.260 And one of them would wear real tight socks.

00:04:35.320 And just so tight that his legs would look a little plumper.

00:04:39.100 Because the blood and the extra foot meat would kind of coagulate upward.

00:04:43.520 It would boil upward and stretch upward.

00:04:46.060 You know, stress upward into his legs.

00:04:48.940 Because the tight socks.

00:04:51.380 And that was Johnston and Murphy.

00:04:52.960 And finally they just fell in love with each other.

00:04:55.480 And that's really, if you notice that store, if you go in there, nobody's in there.

00:04:59.680 It's at the airport.

00:05:01.340 And it smells fancy.

00:05:03.880 It smells leathery.

00:05:05.380 It smells like somebody just took a damn cow and just beat the walls with it.

00:05:14.120 I mean, it just smells all leathery.

00:05:16.180 They might even have a little bit of leather dust.

00:05:18.700 And they're sprinkling it around.

00:05:21.140 It might be fake.

00:05:22.760 That fake leather, you know.

00:05:25.040 Sometimes you'll see somebody with a little...

00:05:26.560 I bet if you go in there around opening time.

00:05:28.660 6 a.m. or whenever.

00:05:30.780 Whenever Benny and Dusty allow their little store to be open.

00:05:33.480 And you'll see somebody with a little can of fucking leather dust.

00:05:37.020 Sprankling that shit and hiding it under the different...

00:05:39.740 The mediums and, you know, putting a little in the bottom of the sock.

00:05:44.040 Just to get that smell in there.

00:05:45.500 But if you go in there, it's fancy.

00:05:48.220 And that's exactly what it smelled like.

00:05:50.460 When I got back here from...

00:05:51.800 From...

00:05:53.480 Crust...

00:05:54.920 What is his name?

00:05:55.940 Crust Da...

00:05:56.440 Crust Da Ipshit.

00:05:58.660 Crust Da Ipshit.

00:06:00.100 When I got back from...

00:06:02.360 When Crust Da Ipshit took over the podcast.

00:06:05.300 It smelled fancy.

00:06:06.360 It smelled like that Johnston and Murphy's.

00:06:08.860 So...

00:06:09.260 And that story...

00:06:09.960 It's kind of a beautiful story.

00:06:10.840 It's kind of like the Romeo and Juliet of the fashion industry.

00:06:14.520 Because here you had two men.

00:06:15.940 They had wives.

00:06:16.940 And they had lawnmowers.

00:06:20.560 You know, and one of them had one of them gas-powered blenders.

00:06:23.360 He would, you know, he'd use it, you know, down in Fort Lauderdale Beach or down in Destin.

00:06:31.120 To get the damn...

00:06:32.220 To make a margarita.

00:06:35.380 You know, he had a...

00:06:36.360 He had a...

00:06:36.820 He had a 85 outboard motor on a damn blender.

00:06:41.340 And he'd mix a margarita.

00:06:42.940 God...

00:06:43.060 Now, you can make a margarita so fast, bro.

00:06:45.260 You could lose your arm.

00:06:46.820 That's how quick that blade was going.

00:06:48.200 You could lose your damn arm.

00:06:49.300 You could lose somebody else's arm.

00:06:52.240 That's how...

00:06:53.040 How much...

00:06:54.100 The blade would spin.

00:06:56.220 But...

00:06:56.660 But that's...

00:06:57.660 You know, that's the smell that was in here.

00:06:59.560 It was a fancier smell.

00:07:01.360 A smell I'm not used to.

00:07:03.660 And that is the type of smell you get.

00:07:06.320 When you have...

00:07:07.720 Chris D'Antoni in here.

00:07:10.480 And Chris D'Antoni is a...

00:07:12.580 A male comedian.

00:07:13.540 You know who he is.

00:07:15.000 And he knows who he is.

00:07:17.180 He's a phenomenal young fella, Christopher.

00:07:19.300 And he...

00:07:20.580 Chris Buffer.

00:07:21.500 I'm not sure how he says it.

00:07:22.540 But he was in here and we switched.

00:07:24.540 And happy Bladed April Fool's because...

00:07:27.020 Dude, I...

00:07:27.840 I forgot we did it.

00:07:30.920 And I knew, but I was like,

00:07:32.540 What is this going to be like?

00:07:33.560 And when I saw him in the studio.

00:07:37.080 When I saw Chris in this studio.

00:07:38.860 It blew my mind.

00:07:41.080 I was like, What?

00:07:42.220 It felt like I've never lost my virginity with a vagina.

00:07:49.280 Like in my vagina because I don't have a vagina.

00:07:51.900 But I imagine a little bit that that was kind of what it was like, you know.

00:07:56.900 Because there was nothing happening and suddenly it was just overwhelmingly happening.

00:08:03.580 And there was this tall sort of bearded, you know, kind of vestibule of a man.

00:08:09.860 And he was like a three or four story man.

00:08:13.680 He was so tall and he had like, you know, his voice was deeper and he had like a long stringy hair.

00:08:21.240 And he just reminded me of just, God damn, he reminded me of just everybody all wrapped in one from the second season of Lost.

00:08:27.300 And, uh, and he, next thing I know he was there and he was just invading my little space and then it was gone.

00:08:38.920 I mean, it was over.

00:08:42.040 So anyway, that's, that got kind of homoerotic all of a sudden.

00:08:46.360 But what I'm saying is, I love tits.

00:08:48.260 Um, but yeah, I'm sure, I can only imagine how, I wish, I wish I could have said, hey, let's see some reaction videos from people on YouTube.

00:08:59.700 Just the surprise of, uh, of, uh, of Driss, Drissman, what's his name?

00:09:07.240 Drissman Cornelia being in here.

00:09:10.560 But it was fun, man.

00:09:11.540 It was hard, honestly.

00:09:12.600 It was hard being on his podcast.

00:09:14.100 I didn't, there's nothing to do there.

00:09:18.740 You go to his house and let me tell you, his house, bro, it's crazy.

00:09:24.320 They have a drawbridge.

00:09:27.640 At Chris's, at Chris's house, they have a drawbridge.

00:09:31.560 And it has people, dude, it comes down and then there's people drawing on it.

00:09:37.600 It has puns built into it.

00:09:40.980 There was two guys drawing, like, what are y'all drawing?

00:09:43.460 They're like, whatever he wants.

00:09:45.700 Whatever he wants today.

00:09:48.260 And, you know, and then you go up there and, and, and, uh, and you get up there and there's an old man standing there at the top of this hill.

00:09:58.600 And he's like, do you know the password, son?

00:10:03.700 And I was like, fuck you, dude.

00:10:06.720 It was actually just a homeless guy.

00:10:07.980 It had nothing to do with Chris's place.

00:10:10.120 Uh, but you get over to his place, man, it's nice.

00:10:11.800 They got so many stairs.

00:10:13.120 Huh.

00:10:13.340 Uh, I thought I was a damn, uh, uh, maku, uh, maku piku.

00:10:19.040 You know, I thought I was at maku damn piku.

00:10:21.980 Or a fake maku piku.

00:10:23.840 Remember, um, you know, a lot of cruises if you go down to Mexico.

00:10:28.920 Or, uh, yeah, if you go down to Mexico, a lot of cruises go down to somewhere where maku piku is.

00:10:35.340 But, someone, a few years ago, built a fake maku piku.

00:10:43.680 And they were taking people to it.

00:10:45.160 Just real idiots.

00:10:46.480 And they'd put them on this boat, this vessel, and get them over there.

00:10:49.860 So you had all these people on this fake-ass maku piku.

00:10:53.020 You know, meanwhile, off the side, you got a couple bags of quick creek because they just built the shit.

00:10:58.440 Uh, and they're telling these people that it's an ancient burial ground and it's an ancient pyramid.

00:11:03.320 And it wasn't.

00:11:03.940 And they busted those people.

00:11:05.720 But thousands of people fell for it.

00:11:08.040 Spent a lot of money to go there and see a fake maku piku.

00:11:12.400 So, just different times, man.

00:11:15.420 But, yeah, I haven't talked to you guys since I came back from...

00:11:19.780 Uh, well, this weekend I was in...

00:11:22.040 I don't even know where I was last weekend.

00:11:23.820 Was it San Jose?

00:11:25.000 Maybe it was.

00:11:26.180 San Jose was wonderful.

00:11:28.800 That was a blast.

00:11:29.720 This weekend...

00:11:30.400 Oh, last week it was Tempe.

00:11:31.540 It was Phoenix.

00:11:33.380 And it was cool, man.

00:11:34.540 My mother came out.

00:11:36.420 And it was the first time that she'd seen me perform in five years.

00:11:40.840 And it was cool, man.

00:11:43.340 You know, uh...

00:11:44.660 Her husband passed away recently, about three weeks ago.

00:11:53.460 And...

00:11:53.820 You know, it's interesting because I never had a relationship with him, Mr. Charlie.

00:11:57.720 That was his name.

00:11:59.500 And I never had a relationship with that man, really.

00:12:02.000 You know, I was a kid when he came around, and I was real rebellious anyway, in my mind, and in my heart.

00:12:08.500 And I never...

00:12:10.800 You know, he would take us over there to the Holiday Inn, get us a little breakfast, get us a little...

00:12:15.220 They had us, you know, a stack of waffle, French toast, different items.

00:12:19.820 And they put that whipped cream on it.

00:12:21.480 And, I mean, that whipped cream was...

00:12:24.500 That shit had been whipped, dude.

00:12:28.160 Dude, you...

00:12:28.880 In Louisiana, they got some real whipped cream over there.

00:12:33.040 At that Holiday Inn buffet over there off Highway 190, they got the real deal whipped cream.

00:12:40.280 I mean, that cream has been beaten, bruh.

00:12:43.060 Dude, my shit had a boxing glove in it, I remember, the whipped cream that came on them hotcakes.

00:12:48.160 I'm like, damn, what is this?

00:12:50.820 This shit was autographed by Buster Douglas.

00:12:55.460 You know, that cream had been whipped, dude.

00:12:58.520 I was eating, and next thing you know, a couple brothers came out and just beat the fuck out of the cream again.

00:13:03.740 I was like, god damn, man.

00:13:05.600 I'm trying to eat, gentlemen.

00:13:07.440 They said, sorry, bud, man.

00:13:08.640 We just...

00:13:09.460 Man, we fucking this cream up.

00:13:12.060 Dude, that cream had been...

00:13:13.440 I mean, this...

00:13:14.400 So, I remember about that Holiday Inn.

00:13:17.720 Mr. Charler would take us over there and take my mother out on Sunday, and he would take us to a brunch.

00:13:22.500 And if we'd been well-behaved, and if he had a little bit extra money, he would get...

00:13:27.320 You know, he'd let us tag along.

00:13:29.620 And we'd sit there, and...

00:13:32.320 And then he would get us that whipped cream on the hotcakes, and they put the...

00:13:39.080 I mean, that shit had been whipped.

00:13:40.700 One time, some of it, you know, kind of snuck over to me, some of the cream, and was like, hey, man.

00:13:46.340 You know, they beating us at the house.

00:13:48.340 Man, I need some help.

00:13:49.980 I need some help.

00:13:51.840 One time, some of the whipped cream was like, hey, hey, take this note, man.

00:13:55.480 Give this to somebody who cares.

00:13:58.080 And I opened the note up.

00:13:59.160 I was like, help us.

00:14:03.040 Signed, cream.

00:14:04.620 I was like, damn, man.

00:14:05.720 They fucking beating this cream around here.

00:14:08.880 Shit ain't safe out in these cream streets, boy.

00:14:11.880 There's some scary dairy.

00:14:13.920 They got these scary dairy actles around here.

00:14:20.420 But Mr. Charlie passed away, man.

00:14:22.640 You know, and I know my mom was kind of...

00:14:24.240 You know, it kind of broke her heart a little bit.

00:14:27.200 And, you know, at first, I didn't really think about it.

00:14:31.140 I just, you know, because he didn't really mean anything to me.

00:14:38.920 But it took me an extra beat to kind of think about, well, what did this man mean to her, you know?

00:14:46.960 And I've had, I remember a guy called a while, a year, a year and a half ago, he called in.

00:14:51.040 He was talking about, you know, or he emailed me.

00:14:53.780 And he said, hey, man, you know, I have to...

00:14:55.520 My mom's getting married this weekend to a man, and I don't like him.

00:14:59.100 And I remember thinking, well, but does your mom like him?

00:15:08.780 You know, because it was...

00:15:09.840 And I'm glad I had that moment with that guy that emailed because I needed...

00:15:14.600 I used that moment the other day when I was like, you know, it doesn't matter.

00:15:18.440 Like, I didn't have a relationship with this man, Mr. Charlie, but he...

00:15:21.100 But he, you know, my mother cared about him.

00:15:25.640 And so then, you know, I had the choice to just care that she cares.

00:15:30.480 And I don't know, it was just interesting, man.

00:15:32.580 It was just kind of like a lot of feelings, and I tried to be, you know, supportive.

00:15:35.840 And, you know, I have a special story in my act now, you know, that I do.

00:15:42.300 And, you know, I got to tell my mom that I tell the story because, you know, it gets to keep...

00:15:50.380 It keeps Mr. Charlie alive and her in the world.

00:15:54.980 It keeps him alive.

00:15:57.240 You know, and that's one of the things about stories is, you know, we...

00:16:02.460 Man, so many of these stories nowadays, they're not...

00:16:04.780 There's no real...

00:16:05.660 Nobody's giving you a story.

00:16:09.080 Nobody's giving us a story.

00:16:10.360 Nobody's giving us...

00:16:12.680 A story used to be something where you pass something down from somewhere to somewhere else.

00:16:17.780 Here's the story.

00:16:18.960 Here's the story.

00:16:20.440 Knock, knock.

00:16:20.960 Who's there?

00:16:21.740 The story.

00:16:23.860 Hey, listen.

00:16:24.660 Hey, hey.

00:16:25.200 Did you hear?

00:16:26.200 That's how a story was.

00:16:27.580 It was something.

00:16:29.040 It was an L.

00:16:29.780 It was a piece that needed to go on.

00:16:31.760 Something needed to stay alive.

00:16:34.720 And now they got a lot of jackass storytellers out here.

00:16:37.600 They don't have a story.

00:16:40.360 You know, and that's one of the things I have.

00:16:43.060 You know, I get a chip on my shoulder with this industry out here.

00:16:45.320 They don't have a fucking story.

00:16:47.700 None of these cats got a story out here.

00:16:51.180 Like, oh, what's your story?

00:16:53.720 Your daddy had everything.

00:16:55.240 You got everything.

00:16:56.320 And you never had to think about anything or deal with anything.

00:16:59.880 You went to some fancy, fancy school.

00:17:01.800 Where's your, you don't even know anything?

00:17:06.960 Oh, so you guys are going to be, you guys are going to produce a story?

00:17:10.220 You're going to write a story?

00:17:12.540 Smoke a donk.

00:17:14.620 Okay, come in.

00:17:17.700 Anyway, I didn't mean to get angry.

00:17:18.900 I just, you know, I don't know.

00:17:21.560 But it was nice to see my mother, man.

00:17:24.340 And it was nice to make her laugh.

00:17:27.380 You know, and you know one thing that I did have.

00:17:29.400 I had some moments where it was like, you know, I, my mom is just, you know, she's tired, man.

00:17:34.780 She's been through a lot.

00:17:36.020 And a lot of people's moms have.

00:17:37.660 You know, we give our, and sometimes I do anyway.

00:17:39.840 Over the years, I give my mom kind of a tough time, you know.

00:17:43.120 I mean, there's two places inside of me.

00:17:44.960 It's like, hold on, bro.

00:17:48.600 I got, I'm on that Mucinex right now.

00:17:50.440 Dude, I'm on about damn 60 grams, bro.

00:17:53.500 You know what I'm saying?

00:17:53.940 I clear my throat and fucking remember a, remember a question from a math test in fourth grade, dude.

00:18:00.440 That's how, this shit is strong.

00:18:02.580 It's unlocking me, that Mucinex.

00:18:08.060 But, you know, this, and this time it was just, all I could do this time was just my mother.

00:18:12.780 So, you know, I didn't talk anything about our, things we thought about our relationship.

00:18:16.520 I just tried to be loving.

00:18:18.260 That was it.

00:18:19.740 You know, I tried to be loving.

00:18:21.000 I gave my mom some extra hugs and, you know, and I've never really felt that great hugging my mother.

00:18:26.460 We've never been a good hug team.

00:18:29.780 Like, if there was a team of huggers, which, how is hugging not a sport?

00:18:36.080 Dude, this is what I would like to do.

00:18:37.620 We should start a group that goes around at night, right?

00:18:40.300 We're all in hoodies.

00:18:41.300 We roll up on some people.

00:18:43.000 Like, 2.30 a.m. in a scary city like New Orleans or Chicago.

00:18:47.840 And we fucking just roll up and hug the fuck out of somebody.

00:18:51.660 They'd be like, what the fuck happened?

00:18:54.740 I feel so good.

00:18:58.880 Just fucking nine people just hugged.

00:19:00.760 Man, you got fucking hugged, boy.

00:19:03.440 You better get, don't make me fucking hug you again.

00:19:06.320 Just hugging the fuck out of somebody.

00:19:08.880 That'd be crazy.

00:19:09.840 Wouldn't it?

00:19:10.260 Wouldn't it be wild?

00:19:14.460 But, yeah, I just tried to be loving to my mother, man.

00:19:16.420 And it was nice.

00:19:16.940 And my brother came out as well because he wanted to be supportive of him because mom had lost her husband.

00:19:23.720 Yeah, I don't know what I feel about it, I guess.

00:19:27.660 I don't know.

00:19:28.100 I'm not trying to get all into my own thoughts and feelings here.

00:19:30.860 But, you know what it was nice, man, is I got to take my mom to eat a couple times.

00:19:38.320 And she didn't have to worry.

00:19:41.300 You know, there's something, I think, in your head somewhere.

00:19:43.500 You always worry a little bit, even if we don't do it on purpose.

00:19:46.380 Even if it's not at the front of our head, there's always a worry in the back of our head.

00:19:50.560 You know, if our mother is okay.

00:19:52.460 I think a young man thinks that.

00:19:54.060 But, so for me, maybe not, but for me it was a very nice time to just, you know, just to see my mom being okay.

00:20:03.020 And to know that she was okay.

00:20:06.540 And she had a nice time.

00:20:09.880 And what else?

00:20:12.080 Yeah, she showed up in the van.

00:20:13.300 And, you know, she got that 16-passenger van with no side or rear windows.

00:20:17.520 And she showed up.

00:20:18.860 And we had fun, man.

00:20:21.080 We had a good time.

00:20:22.020 And so, and yeah, it was just a time to just be loving and just, you know, sometimes it's just, you just go onward, right?

00:20:33.420 We just go onward.

00:20:35.360 It wasn't about me.

00:20:37.340 And, man, that was fun over there in Phoenix, dude.

00:20:38.960 So many people came out.

00:20:40.180 And I want to apologize.

00:20:41.260 Some of those shows, I was shook.

00:20:42.800 I mean, my nerves were just rattled out.

00:20:45.740 My nerves were rattled out.

00:20:47.980 And, I mean, just like the lungs on a damn fucking scarecrow in a wind tunnel.

00:20:57.500 I mean, I was rattled.

00:21:00.600 So those shows, I didn't feel like they were some of my best.

00:21:04.240 But this weekend, you know, it was, I was over in Kansas City.

00:21:10.840 I know I'm all over the place today, guys.

00:21:12.400 My brain's a little all over the place.

00:21:14.020 I got home this morning around 11 and then I took a nap.

00:21:18.500 And here I am.

00:21:19.520 But I'm grateful to be here.

00:21:21.240 I'm grateful to be here.

00:21:22.320 I don't want you to think that.

00:21:24.040 It's just a lot to catch up on.

00:21:25.580 And it's different when a man has been in your body like this.

00:21:30.980 You know, Christopher Dawson, he came in here into my body.

00:21:35.800 Man, this is our body.

00:21:37.780 And he was in here climbing up and down our rib cage, you know.

00:21:41.180 And fucking whistling at our, he was doing cat calls at our liver, you know.

00:21:48.440 And that's the kind of guy he is.

00:21:51.760 And that's the kind of guy Christopher Dawlius is.

00:21:56.140 He's the kind of dude, he'll put his head, he'll put his, he'll put, he'll stick his head in your ass and fucking cat call your liver.

00:22:05.100 You know, he's that kind of, that fellow like that.

00:22:07.600 And he's always all wearing fancy shit like Johnston and Murphy's at airport, you know, that airport haberdashery.

00:22:16.360 So that's who he is.

00:22:17.400 But I was, it was amazing to see that he was here and that I was there and, uh, and it was interesting.

00:22:24.180 Dude, in his place, when you walk around in his, his home is, it's like a castle.

00:22:29.740 And you could hear dragons somewhere.

00:22:31.880 He had a dragon.

00:22:33.420 I was like, oh, I think somebody left their car running and, uh, and they had like a, I don't want to say a slave, but they had some dude in chains.

00:22:40.240 And he's like, oh no, that, that's the dragon, man.

00:22:43.140 They got a dragon down there, brother.

00:22:44.720 I was like, oh, okay.

00:22:47.080 Are you okay?

00:22:49.580 And then he, he passed me a note.

00:22:51.260 He said, uh, uh, they whipping us cream.

00:22:55.220 He said, signed by cream.

00:22:56.280 I was like, damn, what is going on?

00:22:58.700 It's a black mirror episode.

00:23:00.540 And that's not a racial sir.

00:23:01.820 Black, black mirror is not a racial slur.

00:23:03.560 So get your minds out of the racism gutter.

00:23:08.360 What else is going on?

00:23:09.640 Um, oh, somebody made this.

00:23:11.760 If you look, if you're on the YouTube, you can see this.

00:23:14.760 A man made this out of wood.

00:23:18.820 I'm going to hold it up close to the, uh, it's me giving like a peace sign.

00:23:24.400 It's not me.

00:23:25.220 I mean, it's a, it's a bust.

00:23:27.000 It's a wooden bust of me.

00:23:28.920 And man, it was really nice of you to do that.

00:23:33.060 You know, it was really, really nice of you.

00:23:36.900 Uh, thank you very much.

00:23:38.120 And that man's name is Sean Williams.

00:23:41.000 And he has, uh, knowhowkc.

00:23:45.420 No, that's his email.

00:23:46.980 But Sean Williams, illustrator, writer, fabricator.

00:23:50.700 Out of Kansas City.

00:23:51.760 You can look him up.

00:23:52.420 S-E-A-N-W-I-L-L-I-A-M-S.

00:23:55.560 And he sent me this little note.

00:23:57.240 It said, Theo, your open vulnerability is really inspiring.

00:24:00.240 Thanks for being you and doing what you do.

00:24:02.000 Gang, gang, Sean.

00:24:03.180 And it's just a really nice piece.

00:24:05.180 And, uh, they had an Italian restaurant.

00:24:07.320 Uh, Carlazzo's, um, in Kansas City.

00:24:13.900 They came out and brought us some snacks.

00:24:16.500 Um, Italian food.

00:24:20.960 Oh, Garrazzo's.

00:24:22.520 They brought us some food over there.

00:24:23.680 So that was nice of them.

00:24:24.600 Thank you very much.

00:24:25.580 And, oh, we went and got barbecue.

00:24:29.780 So Kansas, apparently a thing in Kansas City, people want you to have meat in you.

00:24:34.560 And whether they, you know, whether it's a tender gentleman kind of trying to slip you up that frickin' shank steak.

00:24:41.440 Or that fuckin', you know, he's trying to give you that 19th rib in that back jaw.

00:24:46.420 Or rather it's, you know, them just sending you to a spot to get a slab of meat.

00:24:51.440 That's all anybody asks you there.

00:24:53.400 Have you had any barbecue?

00:24:55.260 Hey, what you doing?

00:24:57.540 Barbecuing?

00:24:57.940 All they want you to do in Kansas City is get some frickin' meat in your mouth.

00:25:04.040 Uh, I went to the dentist, uh, or the doctor.

00:25:07.000 Uh, he's like, open your mouth.

00:25:08.120 I was like, ah, and he put a fuckin' couple of, uh, burnt ends in it.

00:25:12.320 Hit me with a damn fuckin' couple of damn triangles of tri-tip.

00:25:15.340 Just frickin' gettin' geometric up on my mouth with them geometric, you feel me?

00:25:21.920 He hit me with them triangles of meat.

00:25:24.960 And that is Kansas City.

00:25:27.700 They want you to have that barbecue.

00:25:30.540 Dude, if they had their, all the, if they had a choice, their alphabet would be A, B, B, Q, D, E, F, G.

00:25:37.420 That's all they care about, the barbecue.

00:25:40.040 You know?

00:25:40.820 They even introduced me to a baby.

00:25:42.760 Um, they had, I met a small Latino child there.

00:25:46.620 And, uh, his name was Bebecu.

00:25:49.280 I'm like, what?

00:25:49.960 That's not a name.

00:25:52.280 They love barbecue there.

00:25:55.320 I mean, it is.

00:25:56.560 If, uh, they, if you fall asleep with your mouth open, somebody will put a fuckin' little, uh, you know, a little chicken quarter in there.

00:26:04.040 They love barbecue.

00:26:07.120 You know, you could do anything.

00:26:09.120 You could, they do, they had barbecue suppositories at the gas station.

00:26:12.760 You could pick up, you know, catch you about 2,000 milligrams of fuckin' pork sausage in a pill and just pop that bastard in, dude.

00:26:23.120 And still chew.

00:26:24.220 That's how good the barbecue suppositories are.

00:26:28.200 You put one in that BJ, bro, in that back jaw.

00:26:30.880 And then you still chew.

00:26:33.940 That's how tasteful the meat is there.

00:26:36.720 And that's in the damn meat belt.

00:26:38.500 Bro, if I was a cow, I'd be damned.

00:26:42.540 That's why you don't see any cows or veals out there hitchhiking in Kansas City or in Missouri.

00:26:50.880 Some people say, you know, but that's why you don't see any cows out there.

00:27:00.360 They're just, mmm, because they fuckin' them up, boy.

00:27:07.960 Dude, they, bro, you'll see a dude with a baseball bat, he'll dip that bitch into some fuckin' A1 and just beat the fuck out of an animal, bro.

00:27:15.560 They ain't playin' over there.

00:27:17.860 They love barbecue.

00:27:19.220 Have you had some barbecue?

00:27:22.420 Have you been to Slappies?

00:27:23.980 Have you been to Arthur Bryant's?

00:27:26.040 Have you been to Stacks?

00:27:27.580 Have you been to, uh, uh, riblets?

00:27:32.500 Everything.

00:27:33.140 Have you had, have you been to, um, you know, Spines?

00:27:36.060 Like, Spines, that sounds, uh, who's, uh, who's the head chef, uh, you know?

00:27:44.140 Uh, Bruvus, Bruvus, Bruvus of Barbecue, okay?

00:27:47.320 But, yeah, that Kansas City, that, they want you to have the meat.

00:27:50.340 And they will not stop until you get it.

00:27:53.240 Dude, they'll have a dude, he'll fuckin' load a gun, he'll load a fuckin' six-shooter with a couple of fuckin' cuts of ham and just, just pop right off into your fuckin' mouth until you're full.

00:28:02.300 Like, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah.

00:28:05.740 Oh, that was great.

00:28:08.140 It's a, dude, it's crazy dangerous.

00:28:10.600 Dude, they had a drive-by shooting, somebody fuckin' just, just, just, just, just filled it.

00:28:16.320 Fill my refrigerator up with bologna from fuckin', from the street.

00:28:19.560 With a bologna gun, boy.

00:28:22.160 With that bologna gun.

00:28:26.080 Next thing you know, the meat in the freezer is full of venison and bologna.

00:28:30.880 But they want you to have that barbecue, that meat, that Mexican baby, you know.

00:28:37.000 But, man, it was great, man.

00:28:38.140 A lot of, just people, who came out?

00:28:40.340 Let me think.

00:28:40.860 They had, um, a couple of jack chicks.

00:28:43.760 Some girl tried to sell me a little bit of decan, some wind straw.

00:28:46.920 Never seen that.

00:28:48.740 But when all, when the animal's doin' drugs, cause animals do a lot of fuckin' steroids.

00:28:54.020 And we don't see a lot of times at night, animals are in the fuckin' gym.

00:28:57.160 You'll see a cow in there just, mmm, mmm, doing weights, you know.

00:29:02.900 Mmm, mmm.

00:29:03.620 Doing cattle bells.

00:29:04.960 Okay, that was too much.

00:29:06.040 But these ladies, man, they, uh, who else came out?

00:29:10.520 I mean, people, um, some twins.

00:29:14.400 I saw some twins.

00:29:15.580 I saw, I met a young man who was, who was taking his daughter for a walk.

00:29:20.780 Um, oh, we did a single mom's night.

00:29:24.640 And we went go-karting with, uh, Francesca and her sister for single mom's night.

00:29:30.340 And, man, I'll say this.

00:29:31.580 This was, uh, I've gotten to go out with some fun groups.

00:29:34.940 Um, or, or mothers and their friend.

00:29:37.940 And this was a mother and her sister.

00:29:39.780 And, dude, they were hilarious.

00:29:44.120 She had, uh, Francesca had five children.

00:29:46.460 And she had four.

00:29:48.580 The fourth one ended up being twins, so she got that hitter.

00:29:51.620 She got that bonus.

00:29:52.740 Cause sometimes one of your ovaries will stutter a little.

00:29:55.160 Instead of getting one, you'll get two, two.

00:29:58.400 You know what I, mm, mm, mm, mm, mean?

00:30:01.720 That was quince.

00:30:02.500 So you gotta, you know, you gotta be careful.

00:30:04.900 Make sure your artery, get your, get your ovary, take your ovaries to a speech pathologist.

00:30:09.520 And make sure that they're just flowing naturally, uh, instead of s-s-s-s-s-stutter-ring.

00:30:17.160 But, dude, we had so much fun.

00:30:18.320 We went on the go-karts.

00:30:19.760 And then they went out with their family.

00:30:21.660 And then they came to the late show.

00:30:23.140 And, and I'm just, I'm excited to follow up with her this week.

00:30:27.760 But that was fun.

00:30:28.300 So I want to thank everybody that supports our Patreon.

00:30:30.480 We're remodeling the Patreon right now.

00:30:32.440 And we're refocusing it mostly on, uh, on charity.

00:30:35.800 And trying to find a financial, uh, trying to find, um, I'm looking into how to start a non-profit.

00:30:42.160 So, um, so that everything can be done kind of through there.

00:30:45.820 Putting a mission statement together.

00:30:47.220 But thank you to everyone who supports Patreon because that's what, uh, that's what we do.

00:30:51.920 That's where we make, uh, that's where we, you know, fund and finance or, or subsidize taking out, uh, single moms.

00:31:00.900 And then following up with them and doing something special for them.

00:31:04.040 Um, also the single mother from Kansas City.

00:31:06.020 We got a little fro-yo.

00:31:06.940 Those ladies were wild.

00:31:08.180 And that one is up on YouTube right now.

00:31:11.460 Someone I met, someone called in, I guess, and told me to tell a story.

00:31:15.140 Let me see if that's on this.

00:31:17.220 Let me see.

00:31:19.800 Uh, somebody said, hey Theo, will you tell the story from when you were in, at the Looney Bin in Wichita?

00:31:26.460 So I'll tell you this.

00:31:28.380 So I went to the Looney Bin in Wichita, Kansas.

00:31:31.400 And some people came out from there this weekend and thank you.

00:31:34.580 And at the Looney Bin, they had, I hadn't been there.

00:31:38.400 And I didn't know that sometimes a comedy club, they'll put you in a little house or an apartment or comedy condo.

00:31:44.020 Or sometime, they'll fucking, one place put you in a van out there in Mishawaka, Indiana.

00:31:48.680 They had you stay in a little van.

00:31:50.700 And if you don't mind a van, then you don't mind it.

00:31:53.520 But if you mind a van, then you're not really going to enjoy that style of, uh, of staying.

00:31:57.720 But so they put me in this deal and, and, uh, fuck, what was I talking about, man?

00:32:06.980 Dude, what's in my head, brain, ice?

00:32:11.180 Sometimes my brain have ice or something.

00:32:12.680 I don't know what it is.

00:32:13.580 Like somebody trying to put antifreeze in my brain and dope it down like a fucking, like a dog that's being bad next door.

00:32:21.580 Um, oh, okay.

00:32:25.180 So, and after the show, I met this gal.

00:32:30.320 And she had that real booty booty.

00:32:32.480 You know, she had that freaking, that skirt, skirt, as the brothers in the, you know, as the cool people say these days, you know, that skirt, or like, uh, who's that girl?

00:32:45.880 Cardi B.

00:32:48.380 She's always like, you know, and so this girl had that skirt, skirt booty, you know, I mean, damn, she was built like a fucking bison.

00:33:02.520 Like, dude, I wouldn't be surprised if you met her mother and her mother was eating hay somewhere, you know, because this, this bad little b-a-tty, this b-a-tty, this b-a-tty had some beast in her, you got me?

00:33:17.580 She built like a damn bison, bruh.

00:33:20.540 You know, she the kind of girl who she just built, that back sider was just built like a damn, I mean, if she shat in the yard, you'd be like, oh, whatever.

00:33:28.440 That's how they do it.

00:33:29.380 She had that real animal, like, posterior.

00:33:31.740 So anyway, she and I started hooking up out in a van, you know, because she had a van, because she did, um, cleaning.

00:33:41.100 She did house cleaning.

00:33:41.980 And for me, dude, some of y'all know, man, I can't, I get sexually nervous.

00:33:48.520 You know, I get sexually nervous, dude.

00:33:51.560 I can't fuck around certain stuff.

00:33:53.100 I can't be sexual.

00:33:53.940 You know, I can't be sexual around certain things.

00:33:57.420 I can't get an erection around broken glass.

00:34:00.240 Uh, I can't get an erection if the air conditioner's on.

00:34:03.360 Um, I can't, uh, and if there's a lot of cleaning products, you know what I'm saying?

00:34:10.360 If you got more than one thing of pine saw open within, like, about a 12 foot or 8 foot, probably 8 to 6 foot radius of me, you won't catch me doing sex.

00:34:20.040 Boy, not even, not hard sex anyway.

00:34:22.140 Maybe a real calm, you know, kind of library sex.

00:34:25.420 So, you know, she, you know, this, this girl, gal had a van and we were outside of the comedy club in this van trying to get sexually engaged.

00:34:35.380 And she had a couple, you know, some things of cleansers because she worked as a, uh, as a clean, uh, as a cleaning agent, a cleaner.

00:34:43.380 And so she, she, I guess something had spilled or whatever.

00:34:46.600 So I'm trying to, you know, be sexual and be fully ripe, you know, I'm trying to get ripe in my loin.

00:34:51.640 And, uh, and I can't do it because there's too much cleaning fumes in the air.

00:34:57.640 Um, you know, I just can't do it.

00:34:59.520 I just, you know, this shit, the fucking smell, the fumes of those, man, it's hard for even, I can't even do library sex because of the, the wafts of that cleanser getting into my damn dewy, you know, diximal system.

00:35:10.480 So I'm fucking, I'm limping out.

00:35:13.540 So I said, Hey, well, let's go into, um, the place where I'm staying.

00:35:16.840 They'd put me up in a comedy, uh, they had a house in a neighborhood.

00:35:20.220 The comedy club owned a house back behind it.

00:35:23.720 So they had a key and stuff.

00:35:25.300 And this is where the comedian stayed every week in this home.

00:35:27.180 So I go in there, we'd go down in the hall and me and this gal tried to engage somewhat, you know, and I, did we engage in sex?

00:35:33.380 Who knows, man?

00:35:34.900 Nobody has left more women in America unsatisfied than, you know, so I'm that fucking, I'm that hitchhiker that you pick up and he don't even talk.

00:35:47.860 You know what I'm saying?

00:35:49.400 That's the scariest one.

00:35:51.700 Sometime you get that hitchhiker and he, all he does is rattle off and he's just hammering away with those words.

00:35:57.340 And sometimes you get that hitchhiker and he just barely say nothing.

00:36:00.920 You know, he barely contributes.

00:36:02.480 He's that shitty whisperer.

00:36:04.420 And that's kind of how I am when it comes to sexual.

00:36:06.500 You know, I definitely come in probably about 40, maybe 40 or 60th place out of not that many people out of probably 30 people.

00:36:16.980 So anyway, next thing I know, I hear an alarm going off, an alarm.

00:36:23.040 And so I'm like, what the fuck?

00:36:24.220 I opened the room door and this is a house.

00:36:26.720 The room I'm standing in is in a house.

00:36:28.560 And I thought the whole house to myself, there's a woman standing there in a nightgown.

00:36:32.980 She has an alarm clock that she plugged into the wall and is like set the alarm clock so it would go off right then.

00:36:40.900 And now it's going off.

00:36:42.080 She's standing there and she's like, you can't have any guests here.

00:36:46.520 And I mean, this is 2.30 in the morning.

00:36:50.040 And I'm like, who are you?

00:36:52.700 Are you like another comedian?

00:36:54.960 She goes, no, I'm the manager.

00:36:56.140 I'm the manager of the club or the assistant manager or whatever.

00:36:59.040 You know, Dolores or I think Dolores something.

00:37:02.500 She goes, I live here.

00:37:03.540 I stay here.

00:37:04.600 And one of the rules is you can't have any guests in the house.

00:37:08.700 And I'm like, well, one of the rules should also be that you can't be fucking Stephen King's side piece, boo-boo.

00:37:17.460 Because you woke me up.

00:37:19.900 And I say woke up even though I was having sex.

00:37:22.020 But even though when I'm having sex, it's really very similar to, you know, being at rest to being asleep, boy.

00:37:29.100 I got that Dormier say in my dick.

00:37:31.040 You feel me?

00:37:32.240 That duerme.

00:37:34.100 And so I was like, well, you know, you could have just knocked on the door.

00:37:40.300 You could have said something.

00:37:42.480 You could have used, you know, your W is your words.

00:37:45.040 But this lady stood there with an alarm clock.

00:37:47.740 I mean, stringy hair, wearing just a nightgown.

00:37:52.020 I mean, like Stephen King's little, I mean, just like somebody that, you know, just sold dirty dishware.

00:38:02.220 You know, at Stephen King's old soda shop.

00:38:09.320 She just, it was just, I don't know, very alarming.

00:38:11.860 So anyway, then I had to go back out into this van.

00:38:14.920 So now me and this girl out in this van, dude, and whatever.

00:38:18.480 Anyway, I don't know why I told you guys all that, but that was the story in Wichita at the loony bin of when I got, I mean, I got woken up out of an, out of a sexual interaction.

00:38:32.780 And by a woman standing in, and this lady was probably 45, 50, standing in a hall.

00:38:37.860 And I'd never been in this house before.

00:38:39.160 Imagine you're in there, you're engaged, you know, you're sensually engaged, you know, seeing if the Lord wants y'all, how well the Lord cares about the two of you.

00:38:47.540 And then you open the, you hear an alarm clock outside of the bedroom door and you open it and there is a woman standing there in a nightgown saying you can't have any guests.

00:39:00.020 Jesus.

00:39:02.280 So that's what happens.

00:39:05.940 That's what happens.

00:39:07.640 But that story is anticlimactic.

00:39:11.040 But not as anticlimactic as a lot of the sex I've been involved in.

00:39:14.600 I'll tell you this though, my boy, and it's interesting to call this guy a buddy, but we've kind of become buddies over the past year and I'm proud of him.

00:39:23.580 I'm happy to know him.

00:39:24.700 And I'm, I'm, I'm so excited.

00:39:25.980 He's fighting out of Louisiana and out of Florida.

00:39:29.820 Dustin Poirier fights for the interim lightweight, 155 pound title this Saturday in Atlanta at UFC 236.

00:39:38.780 And I'm, I'm, I'm, damn, I'm nervous, man.

00:39:41.820 I'm nervous for him.

00:39:43.000 I'm nervous for everybody.

00:39:45.000 Dude, I would be nervous to even go up there and lock the little gate, the gate, lock the gate, the gate on the cage, you know.

00:39:51.740 But man, it's going to be interesting.

00:39:55.140 What else happened?

00:39:56.720 Let's go to some calls.

00:39:57.680 Here we go.

00:39:58.380 Hey, Theo.

00:39:59.280 This is Renee calling from Lansing, Kansas.

00:40:03.560 Hey, Renee.

00:40:04.360 Thank you for calling.

00:40:05.280 I appreciate you reaching out.

00:40:07.140 Onward?

00:40:07.380 Um, I just left your Saturday late show in Kansas City and I met you after and I was so fucking nervous.

00:40:18.120 Um, so we ended up taking a picture and you were so sweet about everybody coming up to you.

00:40:24.120 Um, I just want to say you killed the show.

00:40:26.820 It was awesome.

00:40:27.660 Me and my friends had a blast.

00:40:29.520 And, you know, that lady that disrupted the fucking show.

00:40:33.180 I know you probably felt like, you know, everything was thrown off, but you got back into it.

00:40:39.560 It was awesome.

00:40:40.740 It didn't change a thing for us, at least.

00:40:42.800 So, it was great.

00:40:44.020 And I appreciate everything that you do.

00:40:46.640 Well, thank you.

00:40:47.480 That's very sweet of you to say.

00:40:48.640 And thank you for driving over from, uh, from, um, was it Lansing?

00:40:52.720 Let me hear it again.

00:40:53.680 Renee calling from Lansing, Kansas.

00:40:57.140 Lansing.

00:40:57.500 Uh, Renee, thank you.

00:40:59.280 That's nice of you to say.

00:41:00.620 Yeah, you know, I have a problem that, well, yeah, that lady was drunk.

00:41:06.260 That lady was drunk.

00:41:09.380 I mean, she was just shook.

00:41:12.880 She was shook like a dang, you know, just like a sick hooker in a tornado.

00:41:19.380 Boy, she was shook down.

00:41:20.460 And, and yeah, you know, I, I just, I have this thing.

00:41:25.740 I want the show to be fun.

00:41:26.700 I just want everybody to be able to hear what's going on.

00:41:29.180 And then I've been a little bit stressed out.

00:41:30.880 And so, I don't handle some of those situations well sometimes.

00:41:33.680 And it was calm, you know, like I, you know, the lady yelled out.

00:41:37.460 I couldn't remember what she yelled.

00:41:39.080 And I tried to, like, embrace it.

00:41:40.580 And then she did it a couple more times.

00:41:42.040 And then they ended up just asking her to leave.

00:41:44.080 Or I might have asked her to leave.

00:41:45.020 I don't even remember.

00:41:46.360 I mean, in those moments, I just want to get back to,

00:41:48.680 because so many people are having fun and I'm having fun

00:41:52.480 that I just want us to keep doing that.

00:41:55.640 But I think once I'm able to take, relax a little bit

00:41:58.580 and take a break a little,

00:41:59.500 I think I'll be able to get into more of a comfortable space

00:42:01.560 where I can handle those moments better.

00:42:04.440 You know, I have this weird, well, I don't have this weird.

00:42:07.720 I have this thing where it's like, I need everything.

00:42:09.080 I want everything to go how I want it to go.

00:42:16.480 And that's a character defect.

00:42:17.680 It's something that's wrong.

00:42:18.620 You know, it's like, oh, I want everything to be perfect.

00:42:20.880 I want everything to be perfect, you know?

00:42:23.460 And what I need to realize is,

00:42:26.640 everything's going to happen however it's going to happen.

00:42:30.380 So I need to work on some of that a little bit more.

00:42:32.040 But you being, saying that was very sweet of you

00:42:34.220 to let me know that everything still came off smoothly.

00:42:37.280 Because, yeah, in my mind, then everything gets rattled

00:42:39.920 and things aren't going super.

00:42:42.460 But that wasn't the case.

00:42:43.760 Let's take another call here.

00:42:47.340 The hotline, as always, is 985-664-9503.

00:42:52.420 You know, and a lot of young men and, you know,

00:42:55.860 a woman came out and told me that her husband

00:42:57.340 just got 30 days of sobriety,

00:42:58.800 and that was on the stage after one of the shows.

00:43:01.940 And, man, that really hit me in the heart, you know.

00:43:03.580 So, and they, you know, people will say,

00:43:07.480 hey, man, I'm grateful to you and thank you.

00:43:09.320 And that's sweet of you to say, you know, I just,

00:43:12.500 I don't, you know, these are you, you guys are doing any,

00:43:16.560 you are doing things to make yourself better.

00:43:20.980 You know, and I appreciate the kind words,

00:43:24.220 but I want to say congrats to you.

00:43:30.300 Congrats to you for whatever little challenge it is in your life.

00:43:33.260 You're trying to take back your willpower,

00:43:35.640 take back your, you know, you're trying not to do this

00:43:38.480 or trying to do this.

00:43:39.780 It could be anything from sugar to sobriety to, you know,

00:43:43.940 to not chewing with your mouth open.

00:43:45.460 I don't care what it is.

00:43:47.040 But anytime you're trying to challenge yourself for self-betterment,

00:43:50.100 good for you because they got this world around us that don't,

00:43:55.480 that doesn't want us to think about it.

00:43:57.640 It doesn't want us,

00:43:58.660 it wants us to just limp into the drain that it's created

00:44:01.820 and just become this gelatin that just slowly goes down the drain.

00:44:07.780 But we want to make ourselves be of something

00:44:11.340 because there's cells, dude, there's cells inside of us

00:44:15.520 that know each other, that want to do something.

00:44:20.100 And that want to do good when they are best serviced.

00:44:26.860 Isn't that interesting?

00:44:28.300 What makes us work is a series of cells, a teamwork.

00:44:31.900 We have a team.

00:44:33.300 We are built up of a team inside of us.

00:44:37.260 Man, that's fascinating to me.

00:44:40.000 It's fascinating to me that we are built,

00:44:42.480 we are a team at our smallest level.

00:44:46.200 We are a team of molecules that has to work together for life to occur.

00:44:52.520 I don't know why I went off on that,

00:44:57.520 but I don't know what I'm talking about.

00:45:00.280 But you can hit the hotline as always with,

00:45:03.460 well, I just want to say, yeah, if you, you know, thank you guys.

00:45:06.420 You know, for anybody that says something to me,

00:45:07.860 it says like, thank you.

00:45:08.940 And I'm glad to be, I'm glad to be,

00:45:10.620 I'm glad that we are part of each other's lives.

00:45:13.520 You know, I said this on stage this weekend,

00:45:15.260 and I don't feel,

00:45:17.240 I feel like what we have here is a cool group, man.

00:45:19.400 We got a cool group, I swear.

00:45:20.540 It's crazy, bro.

00:45:21.300 But I really feel like,

00:45:23.780 I feel like we can find some positive ways to do things in the world,

00:45:26.520 and we're going to do it.

00:45:28.320 And I don't feel like I'm the spearhead of that group.

00:45:30.960 I just feel like I'm one of the group members.

00:45:33.940 And I'm just excited.

00:45:36.860 But it's nice to see so many people come out, man.

00:45:39.280 It's funny.

00:45:39.720 Some people are nervous.

00:45:40.580 Some young guy, you know, some guys are joking around.

00:45:44.020 I feel bad that I'm not sometimes this,

00:45:47.320 at the end of the show,

00:45:48.480 sometimes I'm just a little rattled,

00:45:50.920 or I'm a little tired,

00:45:51.720 and so it's hard for me to sometimes to fully engage in a,

00:45:54.820 in as meaningful a way.

00:45:56.680 But I decided, I think before Australia,

00:45:59.020 I'm going to take a little vacation and do that,

00:46:02.440 and just get some rest and not do anything.

00:46:05.280 You know, not do anything,

00:46:06.220 but just try and find some,

00:46:08.680 just think, just try and think about gratitude

00:46:10.560 and just be grateful.

00:46:13.480 Because I get to do,

00:46:14.540 honestly, I get to do what I love right now.

00:46:17.040 And I want to thank you guys for that.

00:46:19.980 Let's take another call,

00:46:20.900 985-664-9503.

00:46:25.200 Here we go.

00:46:27.260 All right, before we get to that call,

00:46:29.220 actually, I want to let you know

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00:50:47.540 What was I just thinking?

00:50:53.960 I was thinking about something I wanted to share.

00:50:56.760 You know what I was thinking about the other day

00:50:57.860 was our fingerprint.

00:51:00.320 You know, sometimes we don't feel like individuals, maybe,

00:51:03.020 or we don't feel like our life has, like, we're not.

00:51:07.580 Sometimes, let me speak for myself.

00:51:10.080 Sometimes I'll have times where I don't feel like I'm

00:51:14.660 of value in the world.

00:51:18.400 And I'm not getting into a depression hole here,

00:51:22.700 but I'm just saying we all have those moments.

00:51:26.020 We feel like, oh, maybe we don't mean that much.

00:51:28.940 Is there something I'm part of?

00:51:31.360 I ask myself, like, you know, you start to get a little older,

00:51:36.280 and you're like, well, what does life mean?

00:51:38.480 Does it mean anything that I'm an individual person?

00:51:42.640 Or does it just mean that I'm just part of something,

00:51:44.800 a group that I'm a person, one of many?

00:51:48.660 Do people mean anything?

00:51:51.820 Do we, as a group of humans, do we mean something?

00:51:55.880 Do we have a purpose here?

00:51:59.800 Like, are we able to see our bigger purpose?

00:52:02.580 Is there any value to me being an individual?

00:52:06.520 And I started thinking about fingerprints.

00:52:08.840 You know that even twins don't have the same fingerprint.

00:52:12.240 That's fascinating, I think.

00:52:18.600 And your eyes, the only other thing I think in the human body

00:52:21.800 that is unique to each person,

00:52:24.320 each person in the history of time,

00:52:27.980 that means there wasn't a person 4,000 years ago

00:52:32.740 that has the same retina.

00:52:34.040 I was at the doctor the other day, and the doctor said that.

00:52:37.420 The eye man, and he said that.

00:52:39.800 He said, you know, no one has the same retinas.

00:52:42.820 I'm like, damn, well, you're a fucking pervert, boy.

00:52:45.680 You know, you out here peeping Tom and on people's peepers, bro.

00:52:49.040 You're looking right in the eyes and fucking looking for that individuality.

00:52:53.440 But isn't that fascinating that our fingertips,

00:52:56.460 our fingerprints are unique.

00:53:00.820 The exact things we touch the world with,

00:53:03.760 that we interact with others with,

00:53:05.820 no one else has the same exact ones.

00:53:11.240 Now, to me, that's, you know,

00:53:13.320 I'm not a big religios,

00:53:14.820 I'm not a big religios boy.

00:53:17.620 You know, I believe that,

00:53:18.920 I want there to be something bigger than me,

00:53:20.340 and I believe that there is something bigger than me out there.

00:53:23.340 I know that there is.

00:53:25.280 For me, you don't have to if you don't want to.

00:53:27.580 That's you.

00:53:28.220 We all get to do it our own way.

00:53:31.840 But the simple fact that

00:53:33.800 there is purpose in me being me,

00:53:38.420 there's purpose in the way that I touch the world.

00:53:42.800 And even in my retinas and in my fingertips,

00:53:44.980 the two things you kind of use to really interact,

00:53:47.960 to really,

00:53:50.000 where you could really touch someone.

00:53:51.280 Sometimes you can touch someone with your eyes,

00:53:52.920 you know, and they can touch you.

00:53:55.940 Sometimes people can give you a look

00:53:57.680 and you feel touched.

00:53:59.880 Or sometimes you can touch someone.

00:54:01.940 And your hands, obviously, you could touch someone.

00:54:03.660 That's primary touchers, touching areas.

00:54:06.680 But to think that you have your own print.

00:54:10.280 Everyone.

00:54:11.160 No one's ever going to have yours.

00:54:12.700 To me, that's fact.

00:54:13.580 That is,

00:54:15.080 to me, that's in my own little way

00:54:17.140 that I interact with the world.

00:54:18.280 That is,

00:54:18.860 that is some,

00:54:21.040 that's some hardcore,

00:54:22.640 you know,

00:54:24.360 proof that there's value to us as individuals.

00:54:28.780 And sometimes when I feel like there isn't for me,

00:54:30.820 that brings me,

00:54:32.060 because I can look at my fingers too.

00:54:33.400 That's what's interesting.

00:54:34.120 I can,

00:54:34.500 I can just look directly at my fingerprints

00:54:36.140 and be like,

00:54:36.620 wow.

00:54:38.820 You know,

00:54:39.300 I am important.

00:54:40.080 I don't know.

00:54:43.720 I'm kind of rambling here,

00:54:44.540 I think.

00:54:44.880 I don't even know what I'm talking about.

00:54:47.200 But I think this is just what you get.

00:54:48.720 Sometimes these episodes are all different.

00:54:54.060 You know,

00:54:54.600 and I'm just,

00:54:55.420 man,

00:54:56.600 I can't believe that guy made this nice statue thing out of wood.

00:55:01.500 What a neat thing.

00:55:03.860 What a neat thing.

00:55:05.420 They had a police officer brought me a badge this weekend from his work.

00:55:08.080 Someone brought me a nice Kansas City hat.

00:55:11.140 Some fella gave me his hat.

00:55:12.760 Another woman gave me a nice KC baseball cap.

00:55:15.260 Very sweet of her.

00:55:16.600 People brought food.

00:55:18.320 Some man brought some barbecue.

00:55:21.120 And that's,

00:55:22.680 you know,

00:55:23.240 Missouri's a wonderful place,

00:55:24.920 man.

00:55:25.200 It's very,

00:55:25.840 it's got,

00:55:26.120 it's got,

00:55:26.940 it's got a lot going on.

00:55:29.860 It's got a lot of history.

00:55:30.900 It's got a lot of grit.

00:55:33.180 You know,

00:55:33.340 we went to see the childhood home of Jesse James and where he was buried.

00:55:36.540 And to,

00:55:38.240 to a lot of people was an outlaw.

00:55:39.600 Some people said he was a Robin hood.

00:55:41.420 He was like a Confederate sort of,

00:55:43.920 he was like a,

00:55:46.660 like,

00:55:48.200 you know,

00:55:48.580 I think Missouri was neutral in the civil war.

00:55:51.080 And he kind of like,

00:55:53.980 he didn't support one side directly or the James gang didn't,

00:55:57.880 but they kind of low key would like fuck with the Confederate,

00:56:00.700 or the union soldiers.

00:56:02.720 And they would started robbing banks and trains that were in business with

00:56:07.240 the,

00:56:07.660 or that were started by the union soldiers or started by union people from

00:56:13.920 the North union,

00:56:15.080 big wigs,

00:56:15.640 fancy.

00:56:17.020 And some people said that they were the Robin hoods,

00:56:18.900 that they did things that gave money away.

00:56:20.740 And,

00:56:21.060 and I don't know if that's true or not.

00:56:22.800 So that,

00:56:23.340 that is kind of disputed,

00:56:24.620 you know,

00:56:25.920 some documentaries dispute things,

00:56:28.340 but you know,

00:56:29.120 a documentary is just the way somebody wants you to see something so much.

00:56:32.860 Sometimes it can be the way somebody wants you to see something so much that

00:56:36.540 they make a perfect way for you to see it that way.

00:56:40.180 Like,

00:56:40.560 I don't always just believe documentaries.

00:56:43.520 I mean,

00:56:44.020 if it's something real factual,

00:56:45.380 like,

00:56:46.640 you know,

00:56:47.100 there was a murder and this is what happened.

00:56:48.960 And this guy went to jail and this is that.

00:56:51.640 But if it's something like,

00:56:53.040 uh,

00:56:54.560 you know,

00:56:55.980 where it's like,

00:56:56.540 we don't really know,

00:56:58.340 you know,

00:56:59.120 it's just a perception.

00:57:01.480 Um,

00:57:02.200 cause there,

00:57:02.820 you know,

00:57:03.060 there's documentary type of stuff where it's like,

00:57:04.880 Oh,

00:57:05.000 Jesse James was a Robin hood.

00:57:06.380 And then there's documentary type of stuff where Jesse dreams,

00:57:08.720 uh,

00:57:09.680 was just,

00:57:10.460 uh,

00:57:11.140 up to no good,

00:57:12.000 just selfish boy.

00:57:14.080 But,

00:57:14.580 um,

00:57:15.120 but,

00:57:15.420 but each,

00:57:16.080 someone can make a documentary to really infuse,

00:57:18.580 just infuse you either way.

00:57:21.760 It just reminds me to keep my eyes open.

00:57:24.160 I don't know what I'm fucking,

00:57:25.280 and I'm sorry,

00:57:25.760 I'm getting kind of preachy here today.

00:57:27.160 Uh,

00:57:27.440 let's go on to another question.

00:57:28.760 Here we go.

00:57:29.260 Nine,

00:57:29.480 eight,

00:57:29.640 five,

00:57:30.000 six,

00:57:30.300 six,

00:57:30.480 four,

00:57:30.980 nine,

00:57:31.320 five,

00:57:31.700 zero,

00:57:32.060 three is the,

00:57:33.300 uh,

00:57:33.500 is the hotline number.

00:57:35.120 And you can call there and leave a voicemail and,

00:57:37.700 um,

00:57:37.760 be a part of this,

00:57:38.560 uh,

00:57:39.220 hot club,

00:57:40.000 uh,

00:57:40.820 podcast.

00:57:41.560 Sorry,

00:57:41.800 I got to take my,

00:57:42.540 uh,

00:57:43.180 my nasal spray real quick.

00:57:48.860 And that's not cocaine.

00:57:50.000 That's licensed nasal spray from a doctor.

00:57:53.280 Let's go.

00:57:54.100 Oh,

00:57:55.560 Hey,

00:57:55.820 CEO.

00:57:56.140 Hey,

00:57:56.280 this is Don from Seattle.

00:57:57.760 And,

00:57:58.060 uh,

00:57:59.080 I just,

00:57:59.740 uh,

00:58:00.140 I've been listening to a lot of your podcasts recently.

00:58:02.260 And,

00:58:02.860 uh,

00:58:03.040 my son,

00:58:03.960 he said,

00:58:04.920 Hey dad,

00:58:05.280 what are you learning from those,

00:58:06.240 from those podcasts?

00:58:07.380 And I,

00:58:08.060 and I thought about it.

00:58:09.740 And,

00:58:10.180 uh,

00:58:10.480 um,

00:58:11.060 you know,

00:58:11.400 I think what I'm learning is,

00:58:12.860 uh,

00:58:13.400 I appreciate your,

00:58:14.320 you're just your,

00:58:15.040 your chill attitude.

00:58:15.820 And,

00:58:16.300 and you,

00:58:16.620 you seem to take,

00:58:17.680 take life as it comes.

00:58:18.920 And,

00:58:19.280 and,

00:58:19.440 and,

00:58:19.800 uh,

00:58:20.700 you know,

00:58:21.080 you,

00:58:21.220 you take people as they come.

00:58:23.420 And,

00:58:23.700 uh,

00:58:23.840 that's sometimes the problem with them.

00:58:25.060 I'm kind of an upside guy.

00:58:26.300 And,

00:58:26.460 uh,

00:58:26.960 just the idea I felt my daughter,

00:58:28.200 she's 16 with her,

00:58:29.040 with her algebra homework.

00:58:30.620 And,

00:58:31.020 uh,

00:58:31.140 sometimes it gets a little tense.

00:58:32.540 I get frustrated and she gets frustrated.

00:58:34.680 But,

00:58:34.940 um,

00:58:35.120 I don't know.

00:58:35.940 I was just,

00:58:36.300 I was just kind of,

00:58:37.100 it was right after I listened to your podcast.

00:58:38.720 I just felt very relaxed.

00:58:40.560 And I felt very,

00:58:41.400 uh,

00:58:41.740 accepting and just patient.

00:58:44.120 That's the main thing,

00:58:44.840 patient.

00:58:45.340 So,

00:58:45.660 um,

00:58:46.080 yeah,

00:58:46.620 I,

00:58:46.740 I think,

00:58:47.220 I told my son,

00:58:47.760 I think I'm learning patience.

00:58:48.720 I think I'm learning how to be relaxed.

00:58:50.000 And I'm not sure if it's your southern nature or you're just,

00:58:53.020 uh,

00:58:54.220 you're,

00:58:54.600 you're very accepting,

00:58:56.140 chill attitude.

00:58:56.860 But anyways,

00:58:57.320 I just want to say thank you.

00:58:58.560 Um,

00:58:58.740 you're doing a good work.

00:59:00.180 Uh,

00:59:00.620 I think you're blessing people and,

00:59:02.200 and,

00:59:02.600 uh,

00:59:03.220 you know,

00:59:03.500 the universe also.

00:59:04.420 And,

00:59:04.840 uh,

00:59:05.000 anyway,

00:59:05.540 onward gang,

00:59:06.440 gang,

00:59:06.920 gang,

00:59:07.540 gang,

00:59:07.860 brother.

00:59:08.620 Oh,

00:59:09.000 that's sweet,

00:59:09.520 man.

00:59:09.660 To think of a dad working with his,

00:59:11.020 with his,

00:59:11.620 with his daughter and doing her and doing the homework.

00:59:14.380 Uh,

00:59:14.740 thanks for the nice words,

00:59:15.640 man.

00:59:15.780 That's sweet of you.

00:59:16.380 You know,

00:59:16.620 I,

00:59:16.920 uh,

00:59:17.320 I mean,

00:59:17.600 I struggle.

00:59:18.100 I think I struggle with everything just like we all do.

00:59:20.400 And,

00:59:20.660 and,

00:59:21.400 but I'm glad that there's moments where you find some,

00:59:24.380 uh,

00:59:25.000 some comfort from,

00:59:26.140 from this podcast.

00:59:27.540 And a lot of times it could be from people calling in.

00:59:30.700 Um,

00:59:31.460 you know,

00:59:33.640 it was interesting when you were talking,

00:59:34.860 it made me think of like,

00:59:35.800 like a moment there.

00:59:37.160 Sometimes I noticed in my life recently,

00:59:38.640 there's moments for,

00:59:39.700 uh,

00:59:40.560 for vulnerability.

00:59:43.160 And,

00:59:43.660 you know,

00:59:44.040 you're talking about like when you're with your daughter and you're helping her with the homework and you get frustrated and she gets frustrated.

00:59:49.740 So then in that moment,

00:59:52.480 and this,

00:59:54.480 and this may not apply to your life,

00:59:56.280 but if I'm in a moment where I'm frustrated at someone and they're right there and I know they're frustrated with me and I know that I'm frustrating.

01:00:04.100 I know that I am,

01:00:05.280 and I was built,

01:00:07.120 they got to,

01:00:07.500 you know,

01:00:08.300 they put that,

01:00:09.180 the frustration sauce on me when I was born.

01:00:11.800 And so I'm out here dripping with frustration a little bit constantly.

01:00:16.840 You know,

01:00:17.580 um,

01:00:19.300 and so in that moment where both of you are frustrated,

01:00:23.080 sometimes if you can find a way to say,

01:00:26.500 hey,

01:00:28.140 are you frustrated with me?

01:00:30.120 And they say,

01:00:30.820 yeah,

01:00:31.040 I am.

01:00:32.280 And you can say,

01:00:32.800 yeah,

01:00:32.900 I'm frustrated.

01:00:33.700 You know,

01:00:33.900 I feel a little frustrated with you too.

01:00:36.860 Uh,

01:00:37.480 maybe we can really talk for a second about why,

01:00:40.540 what,

01:00:40.760 what do we think is making us frustrated with each other?

01:00:43.940 You know,

01:00:44.400 and sometimes I find that I get frustrated with people.

01:00:48.200 Um,

01:00:48.820 and if I'm honest,

01:00:52.120 if I'm,

01:00:52.500 then you have to be trying to be real honest and it's hard.

01:00:55.280 Sometimes you have to really feel,

01:00:57.100 you can't just talk.

01:00:58.520 You have to just feel like,

01:01:01.200 man,

01:01:01.340 I'm frustrated because sometimes you don't in the truth for me in a moment like

01:01:06.580 that is I get frustrated with the other person because they don't do things the

01:01:09.460 way that I want them to do them.

01:01:18.820 And,

01:01:19.220 and then I can ask them,

01:01:22.660 so why do,

01:01:23.300 what frustrates you?

01:01:24.700 And it's like,

01:01:25.560 and for them it might be,

01:01:26.880 well,

01:01:26.980 you don't have the patience sometimes that I need.

01:01:28.900 It makes me,

01:01:29.500 I feel under pressure when I'm doing something with you because I don't feel like it's a safe

01:01:34.700 area to learn,

01:01:35.640 a safe moment to learn in because,

01:01:37.580 you know,

01:01:38.140 you're expecting me to know something at a,

01:01:39.960 at a certain speed that I'm not able to.

01:01:42.700 Um,

01:01:43.020 and then once you guys can both kind of really share what your,

01:01:48.260 you know,

01:01:50.260 what,

01:01:50.580 what your real kind of fear is or what your anger is,

01:01:53.560 then you can kind of,

01:01:55.900 then you can kind of say,

01:01:59.100 for me,

01:01:59.560 I can say,

01:02:00.120 Hey,

01:02:00.360 look,

01:02:00.760 well,

01:02:01.680 you know,

01:02:01.940 I'm real sorry that I am,

01:02:03.760 you know,

01:02:04.580 that I behave in a way sometimes where,

01:02:07.460 you know,

01:02:08.060 I make you feel like you,

01:02:09.140 like I expect you to know things at my pace and not at yours.

01:02:13.420 And I want to do a better job because I love you.

01:02:16.060 And because I care about you.

01:02:18.720 Um,

01:02:19.420 and,

01:02:21.840 uh,

01:02:22.520 and then they can say,

01:02:24.900 you know,

01:02:26.480 well,

01:02:26.640 I really want to be here with you and learn and try and work together to learn something.

01:02:30.960 Um,

01:02:31.560 and I'm going to try to,

01:02:33.940 uh,

01:02:34.880 to just let you know.

01:02:35.780 And I feel like you're not being patient in a more comfortable way.

01:02:40.580 And man,

01:02:41.120 then you can have some real powerful moments.

01:02:42.640 I'm not preaching at you.

01:02:43.480 I'm not telling you to do that or anything,

01:02:44.960 but I'm saying that I,

01:02:46.620 sometimes I'll find myself doing that.

01:02:49.160 You know,

01:02:49.840 uh,

01:02:51.040 with my ex-girlfriend,

01:02:52.060 when we get in a moment,

01:02:52.860 I'd be frustrated.

01:02:53.720 Sometimes it'd be really hard to just be like,

01:02:56.820 you know,

01:02:57.520 I just,

01:02:57.760 I would love it.

01:02:58.180 If you'd be real honest,

01:02:58.940 why you're frustrated with me.

01:03:00.140 And,

01:03:00.380 and then I can be real honest,

01:03:02.320 uh,

01:03:03.040 about why I'm frustrated with myself in the situation.

01:03:06.780 Um,

01:03:07.720 I don't know.

01:03:08.580 I don't know what all that's about,

01:03:09.700 man,

01:03:09.900 but,

01:03:10.260 but it's interesting sometimes in moments of frustration that there's real

01:03:14.280 opportunity for some vulnerability and some,

01:03:16.760 just the ability to,

01:03:18.600 uh,

01:03:19.540 to feel.

01:03:21.460 Cause I get,

01:03:22.060 otherwise I will run brother.

01:03:23.640 I'll run with this senseless,

01:03:25.900 just like these vultures that are like trying to get out of my throat or neck

01:03:30.240 or skin that are just agitated.

01:03:33.220 And if I,

01:03:33.960 I,

01:03:34.160 you know,

01:03:34.400 so I got to find a way to sue these vultures and the real way to sue them is

01:03:37.520 to just tell people,

01:03:39.960 tell someone that I care about that.

01:03:41.280 I have these vultures and that I wish I did.

01:03:43.020 And,

01:03:43.180 and I want to try harder not to have them.

01:03:45.420 And,

01:03:45.780 uh,

01:03:46.100 anyway,

01:03:46.560 I don't know what I'm talking about,

01:03:47.380 man.

01:03:47.540 I fucking need some sleep probably,

01:03:48.840 but thank you for calling,

01:03:50.360 man.

01:03:50.560 And that's,

01:03:50.940 it's sweet of you to be a dad that helps out your,

01:03:52.880 her daughter,

01:03:53.580 your daughter with her homework.

01:03:55.420 And,

01:03:55.860 uh,

01:03:56.220 and I bet that that's a moment that you're always going to love.

01:03:58.860 You know,

01:03:59.040 it's going to be a sweet moment,

01:04:00.120 you know,

01:04:01.440 cause there's come times in kids lives.

01:04:02.940 I'm sure where they don't want it.

01:04:04.000 They don't care what your direction or angle is,

01:04:06.940 you know,

01:04:09.320 and you don't have to help her.

01:04:10.600 You get to help her.

01:04:11.680 That's one thing I remind myself someday,

01:04:14.280 you know,

01:04:15.160 like I don't have to come do this podcast.

01:04:16.980 I get to come do it.

01:04:18.440 It's a gift,

01:04:19.320 you know,

01:04:19.900 uh,

01:04:20.800 it's a gift to be able to come and sell this fricking booty lotion to people that,

01:04:24.440 and that's but elegance.

01:04:26.220 Uh,

01:04:26.740 but thank you for calling,

01:04:27.660 man.

01:04:28.080 Let's take another call onward.

01:04:29.520 Hey,

01:04:29.920 Theo.

01:04:31.720 It's,

01:04:32.140 uh,

01:04:32.540 Carter from Oregon.

01:04:34.240 What's up,

01:04:34.860 Carter from Oregon onward.

01:04:37.020 By the way,

01:04:38.060 my sister's in love with you.

01:04:39.340 She likes your arms.

01:04:41.220 Oh,

01:04:41.600 your sister likes my arms.

01:04:42.600 Thank you.

01:04:43.980 I got pretty medium length.

01:04:45.380 Actually,

01:04:45.640 I used to think I had long arms and then a buddy of mine showed me his arms about,

01:04:50.880 I guess,

01:04:51.220 two years ago,

01:04:51.800 three years ago.

01:04:52.560 And,

01:04:54.120 ah,

01:04:54.940 fuck.

01:04:55.420 Kind of fucked me up more.

01:04:57.020 The real question is,

01:04:58.380 I'm looking for M names for puppies.

01:05:00.800 Okay.

01:05:01.740 I'm leaning on Maggie and May.

01:05:03.880 Need some names.

01:05:05.840 Hook it up with some suggestions.

01:05:08.580 M names for puppies.

01:05:09.920 Here's one.

01:05:10.620 Uh,

01:05:10.920 Mississippi.

01:05:11.780 And you could call the puppy Missy.

01:05:13.920 Uh,

01:05:14.660 Marxism.

01:05:15.920 And that is a,

01:05:17.220 I don't know what Marxism is,

01:05:18.460 but,

01:05:18.700 um,

01:05:20.940 Marxet go.

01:05:22.480 That could be the puppy's name.

01:05:24.760 Um,

01:05:25.320 and then,

01:05:26.620 uh,

01:05:27.920 every time you call the puppy,

01:05:29.220 some people would start racing each other.

01:05:31.600 Um,

01:05:32.500 Martin.

01:05:34.260 Name.

01:05:34.700 If it's a kind of like a funny dog,

01:05:36.300 that's kind of like a,

01:05:37.380 you know,

01:05:37.700 maybe African American and it,

01:05:39.200 and it's really,

01:05:39.920 really humorous and put them and is able to make television shows.

01:05:42.580 You could call it Martin.

01:05:43.800 You could call it a Moriarty.

01:05:46.020 Call it Mori.

01:05:46.840 If it's a Jewish dog,

01:05:48.280 you could call it a,

01:05:49.800 uh,

01:05:50.700 uh,

01:05:52.020 mixtape.

01:05:53.480 Mixtape is kind of a,

01:05:54.260 kind of a cute name.

01:05:56.280 Um,

01:05:57.280 let me think.

01:05:59.420 Mincemeat.

01:06:00.060 That's a crazy name for a dog.

01:06:02.300 Oh,

01:06:02.560 that's a little Mincemeat right there.

01:06:04.020 And he got some cigarettes.

01:06:06.160 M names for dogs.

01:06:07.040 I think Maggie is cute.

01:06:08.240 It's a popular name,

01:06:09.120 but it's a safe name.

01:06:11.200 I think,

01:06:12.000 uh,

01:06:12.420 um,

01:06:14.060 Millie is good.

01:06:15.640 Mabel,

01:06:16.320 Maple,

01:06:17.220 Marble,

01:06:18.780 uh,

01:06:19.120 Mobile,

01:06:20.540 um,

01:06:21.920 Moxie.

01:06:23.940 Uh,

01:06:25.260 you know,

01:06:26.420 you want something where when you yell it,

01:06:27.940 it doesn't sound like any kind of racial slurs either.

01:06:30.140 So you got to be careful with that.

01:06:32.100 Uh,

01:06:32.500 let's take one more call here.

01:06:33.840 Here we go.

01:06:34.760 And also,

01:06:35.380 I got to tell you this though.

01:06:36.860 You know that,

01:06:38.220 um,

01:06:39.400 oh,

01:06:39.660 I'll be coming up soon.

01:06:40.580 I'm going to be in West Palm Beach at the end of this month.

01:06:42.400 Uh,

01:06:42.980 uh,

01:06:43.120 the 27th and 28th.

01:06:45.620 I believe we may add some more shows there.

01:06:47.960 Um,

01:06:48.360 they're staying busy right now with those shows,

01:06:50.120 but we,

01:06:50.580 we may add more.

01:06:52.420 Um,

01:06:52.820 I want to let you know that today's episode is also brought to you by,

01:06:59.660 we got a pack of MeUndies right here.

01:07:01.280 God,

01:07:01.560 and I needed some dude.

01:07:03.540 Oh,

01:07:03.920 I masturbated this weekend.

01:07:05.180 I forgot to tell you,

01:07:06.100 man.

01:07:07.540 I felt,

01:07:07.840 and I broke my pornography thing.

01:07:11.600 And I didn't even think I could on my phone.

01:07:13.600 And I started thinking about,

01:07:14.840 dang,

01:07:15.180 just,

01:07:15.700 I was feeling lonely.

01:07:18.220 I started thinking about a little bit of B hole,

01:07:19.900 you know,

01:07:20.260 and stuff like that.

01:07:21.280 You know,

01:07:21.560 that female BB.

01:07:23.480 And,

01:07:23.940 uh,

01:07:24.360 and then I just did it,

01:07:26.620 dude.

01:07:27.680 I just kept rubbing on my body until,

01:07:29.420 you know,

01:07:31.060 until,

01:07:31.680 until just something just came out of it.

01:07:34.800 And I guess I feel kind of disappointed in myself,

01:07:37.440 you know,

01:07:37.860 uh,

01:07:39.080 uh,

01:07:39.820 and then I did,

01:07:40.780 that was on,

01:07:41.340 I think Thursday night and I didn't do it on Friday.

01:07:44.700 And then last night I couldn't go to sleep and I had to.

01:07:47.340 And so then I,

01:07:47.860 then I masturbated,

01:07:48.900 but,

01:07:50.220 but the big thing is I looked at the pornography and we'll talk about it.

01:07:54.360 More next week.

01:07:55.560 I'd love to know.

01:07:56.340 I know there's some guys that came out this week that had been looking at

01:07:58.460 pornography and they taking a break from it.

01:08:00.560 I'd love to know,

01:08:01.420 honestly,

01:08:01.840 be very honest on the hotline,

01:08:03.840 uh,

01:08:04.660 how that's affected you and what's going on now with you.

01:08:07.340 Uh,

01:08:07.500 once you've had a sabbatical from pornography and I'm going to get into that

01:08:10.640 next week about some of the changes I've been noticing to myself since I

01:08:14.360 had been ceased watching pornography and I had probably about 107 days or

01:08:18.480 something.

01:08:19.660 So man and Twitter,

01:08:22.420 you know,

01:08:23.060 I don't want to talk about it,

01:08:24.120 right?

01:08:24.320 I'll talk about it next week.

01:08:25.320 Cause we've already gone into a,

01:08:26.460 I don't even know what we've talked about this,

01:08:27.780 this episode.

01:08:32.420 What else?

01:08:33.120 Oh,

01:08:33.260 I'm going to Aerosmith.

01:08:34.640 I'm going to Aerosmith in Las Vegas this week.

01:08:37.320 So I'm so excited about that on Thursday,

01:08:40.520 Thursday night.

01:08:41.480 And I'm taking producer Nick.

01:08:43.100 So it's a gift,

01:08:44.160 uh,

01:08:44.660 and a,

01:08:45.020 you know,

01:08:45.220 a team building up,

01:08:46.420 uh,

01:08:46.720 exercise,

01:08:48.000 uh,

01:08:48.720 exercise from us.

01:08:50.060 And we're going to go there and watch some,

01:08:52.040 uh,

01:08:52.320 Aerosmith.

01:08:54.880 Dream on.

01:08:57.020 There goes my old girlfriend.

01:08:59.780 I love Aerosmith.

01:09:01.820 And,

01:09:02.240 uh,

01:09:02.920 and I'm going to stay in Las Vegas.

01:09:04.020 And then I'm going to the Dustin Poirier fight in Atlanta.

01:09:07.100 And I can't wait to see that.

01:09:08.440 The diamond.

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01:11:26.140 And thank you guys.

01:11:29.880 Look,

01:11:30.760 I will never try to sell some of those podcasts that I don't believe in.

01:11:34.460 People have sent ads for things and says,

01:11:35.980 hey,

01:11:36.100 will you sell?

01:11:36.600 I don't know.

01:11:37.120 I ain't selling that.

01:11:38.440 I don't take every ad that comes through.

01:11:39.880 Nah,

01:11:40.200 I'm not selling that to people.

01:11:41.160 I think that's junk.

01:11:43.120 You know,

01:11:43.540 that mystery game show thing.

01:11:45.340 I finally played that where you pay for it by mail.

01:11:47.620 I think I'm a piece of shit.

01:11:50.220 The Casper Masterses,

01:11:51.740 I thought them was a piece of shit,

01:11:53.040 bro.

01:11:53.900 Now it took,

01:11:54.480 I had to get one and try it.

01:11:55.880 And that's why I felt.

01:11:58.260 And also these are just my perceptions.

01:12:00.120 Other people's can be different.

01:12:01.660 But if I know that something is not worth what they're charging,

01:12:05.060 I'm not going to sell it.

01:12:07.480 You know,

01:12:08.040 you find somebody else to sell that boy.

01:12:10.840 I'm not going to sell that dude.

01:12:14.420 But,

01:12:14.920 but I'm going to thank everybody in Missouri that supported this weekend.

01:12:17.680 I'm going to get through this right here.

01:12:20.700 And,

01:12:20.780 and what else,

01:12:23.640 man?

01:12:25.880 I know today's episode was all over the place,

01:12:27.340 but I do want to talk more about,

01:12:29.500 you know,

01:12:30.140 one thing that was nice was when my,

01:12:31.700 when my brother and mother came out there to Phoenix and,

01:12:34.980 uh,

01:12:35.340 and,

01:12:37.440 and,

01:12:37.720 and it was nice.

01:12:42.320 We hadn't all been together since just the three of us,

01:12:44.860 since we're probably maybe,

01:12:46.300 since I was probably two years old or three years old.

01:12:51.200 And,

01:12:51.720 and especially with that mom,

01:12:54.180 where mom didn't have to work and we didn't have to do anything.

01:12:56.300 And I just chose to just let it be nice.

01:13:04.920 And so did,

01:13:05.660 so did,

01:13:05.980 so did my mother and so did my brother.

01:13:07.340 None of us chose to dwell on anything or to bring it up.

01:13:12.060 And sometimes you,

01:13:12.720 sometimes you,

01:13:13.240 sometimes it's good to bring stuff up,

01:13:14.540 but this time it wasn't.

01:13:15.580 And,

01:13:15.840 and it was nice,

01:13:17.460 man.

01:13:19.580 It was nice.

01:13:20.420 It was nice to sit there and listen to my brother,

01:13:22.280 talk to me and share information that he knows and things about the world

01:13:26.020 because he's a little bit older than me and a little bit more experienced.

01:13:29.240 And it was nice to see my mother just,

01:13:31.460 you know,

01:13:31.720 give my brother a hug,

01:13:34.320 you know,

01:13:34.740 and like,

01:13:35.320 uh,

01:13:36.420 and just have a moment with her son that she probably hadn't had in a long time.

01:13:40.780 You know,

01:13:41.220 it was nice to see my mother,

01:13:43.180 you know,

01:13:43.740 get to,

01:13:44.400 you know,

01:13:45.460 at the dinner table,

01:13:46.260 she put both of,

01:13:47.120 she put her hand on my brother's hand and on my hand at the same time.

01:13:50.360 And it was nice,

01:13:57.920 man.

01:14:00.200 It's nice.

01:14:00.900 That fingerprints,

01:14:01.720 you know,

01:14:02.460 it's nice to,

01:14:05.660 uh,

01:14:06.800 it's nice just to know

01:14:10.160 that

01:14:12.880 even though we had,

01:14:16.900 you know,

01:14:17.080 had both had all lived so much lives,

01:14:19.180 you know,

01:14:21.620 we'd all live for 30,

01:14:23.000 you know,

01:14:23.440 between 30,

01:14:24.180 40,

01:14:24.520 70 years

01:14:25.480 that still inside of us,

01:14:29.440 there's

01:14:29.820 the,

01:14:31.860 the,

01:14:32.620 people can connect.

01:14:35.440 That human connection is,

01:14:37.240 it's ageless.

01:14:39.780 It's ageless.

01:14:40.960 And isn't it fascinating to know that there is a,

01:14:44.720 there's like a yarn or a thread between human beings

01:14:49.620 that doesn't weather.

01:14:53.840 It doesn't,

01:14:55.800 I mean,

01:14:56.400 it endures,

01:14:57.320 it weathers,

01:14:58.160 but it doesn't,

01:15:00.360 it's always,

01:15:02.220 so quickly it can be taught,

01:15:05.340 so quickly it can be tightened,

01:15:07.480 so quickly it can be accessed.

01:15:12.360 You know,

01:15:13.000 there's something amazing about that.

01:15:17.460 It's amazing how forgetful

01:15:19.320 human touch is.

01:15:25.220 You know,

01:15:25.840 human touch doesn't remember all of the,

01:15:28.040 a lot of the pain and the anger

01:15:29.920 or the,

01:15:30.500 the memories or the uncomfort.

01:15:32.560 It just,

01:15:33.820 you know,

01:15:35.440 it just lets somebody know,

01:15:36.560 hey,

01:15:36.680 I'm here.

01:15:39.240 You know,

01:15:39.740 I'm here,

01:15:40.360 you know,

01:15:40.640 I'm here,

01:15:41.040 you're here.

01:15:44.720 It's amazing.

01:15:45.580 You can just touch somebody and almost,

01:15:47.380 you can almost apologize

01:15:51.380 with a touch,

01:15:53.800 you know,

01:15:53.980 or let somebody know,

01:15:54.760 hey,

01:15:55.040 every,

01:15:55.620 you know,

01:15:56.280 I don't know.

01:15:59.080 It's just interesting.

01:15:59.780 It's interesting the powers that go on in human touch,

01:16:01.980 I guess.

01:16:02.560 I got to learn more about it.

01:16:04.940 Dr.

01:16:05.460 Pearl Mutter came in here last week.

01:16:07.420 And so I have,

01:16:08.920 I agreed to,

01:16:09.700 to,

01:16:10.280 to,

01:16:10.400 to do that man's diet.

01:16:14.660 So I am going to do that.

01:16:17.140 I want to begin.

01:16:19.160 I want to try.

01:16:20.740 Will I succeed?

01:16:21.660 I don't know.

01:16:22.380 He kind of put me on it at the end real.

01:16:24.560 And he was kind of,

01:16:25.360 you know,

01:16:25.520 you talk to these book guys

01:16:26.820 and they're kind of smarty.

01:16:28.740 To me.

01:16:30.360 Sometimes they get a little,

01:16:31.440 they know a little too much for me.

01:16:34.000 But maybe I'm just jealous

01:16:35.300 because they know a lot.

01:16:37.540 Or I'm envious,

01:16:38.660 you know.

01:16:40.100 But he came in here,

01:16:41.160 Dr.

01:16:41.420 Pearl Mutter,

01:16:41.980 and he's,

01:16:42.820 you know,

01:16:43.080 he knows about stomachs and brains.

01:16:44.900 And he's going to help.

01:16:46.560 You know,

01:16:46.780 I want my brain and my life

01:16:48.040 to be the best I can.

01:16:49.940 And it's going to take more work

01:16:51.720 for the way that I eat

01:16:53.300 and the things I choose to eat.

01:16:55.340 And I've been doing,

01:16:55.960 all week I did good.

01:16:56.880 I did the keto all week

01:16:58.020 since I left,

01:16:58.760 since I left,

01:16:59.460 to go out of town.

01:17:03.180 Or all last week,

01:17:04.140 for a whole week.

01:17:04.760 And then I fucking lost my mind

01:17:06.220 at one moment

01:17:06.800 and had three

01:17:08.160 Haagen-Dazs ice cream bars.

01:17:09.600 And the third one,

01:17:12.680 couldn't even taste it.

01:17:14.740 That's the,

01:17:15.340 you ever get to that point

01:17:16.380 where you're like,

01:17:16.860 oh,

01:17:17.300 I'm just still eating it

01:17:18.280 but I can't even taste it.

01:17:20.660 Like you're on that,

01:17:21.280 on that 16th cookie,

01:17:22.480 you're like,

01:17:22.740 oh,

01:17:22.860 I have no fucking clue

01:17:23.520 what these taste like anymore.

01:17:25.280 My body is,

01:17:25.980 my sugar is maxed out

01:17:27.480 but I'm still fucking doing it.

01:17:33.300 Whatever.

01:17:34.180 You know what,

01:17:34.680 I think maybe,

01:17:35.520 maybe we've done enough.

01:17:38.100 You know,

01:17:38.400 I'm thankful

01:17:38.820 that Chris D'Elia came in here.

01:17:40.420 I'm thankful

01:17:40.680 that we're back here

01:17:41.420 in the studio.

01:17:42.460 It's interesting.

01:17:43.140 It was so crazy

01:17:43.820 being in his place

01:17:44.620 because it's a different energy.

01:17:46.300 It's just different

01:17:47.120 and you know,

01:17:48.200 I'm grateful to our producer,

01:17:49.400 Nick,

01:17:49.660 and his producer,

01:17:50.920 Juan Heyer.

01:17:52.860 And just,

01:17:55.160 you know,

01:17:55.420 we did something fun.

01:17:56.660 We did something fun

01:17:57.640 and so many cool messages

01:17:59.780 came in from people

01:18:01.120 supporting the podcast.

01:18:03.580 Yep,

01:18:04.120 again,

01:18:04.720 support the podcast,

01:18:06.880 meundies.com

01:18:08.280 slash

01:18:08.820 weekend

01:18:09.460 is that code.

01:18:12.040 Capterra.com

01:18:13.120 slash

01:18:13.600 Theo

01:18:14.060 for your business

01:18:14.780 software solutions.

01:18:16.460 I'll be coming up,

01:18:17.260 I'll be at the Palm Beach,

01:18:18.240 West Palm Beach

01:18:18.940 Improv

01:18:19.900 April 26th

01:18:21.100 and 27th.

01:18:22.420 very excited about that.

01:18:23.780 It looks like we're going

01:18:24.260 to be able to interview

01:18:25.000 Riff Raff

01:18:25.720 who is a

01:18:26.300 kind of an estranged

01:18:28.520 human performer,

01:18:30.780 one of a kind.

01:18:32.940 Be able to interview him.

01:18:35.180 Who else is coming up

01:18:36.120 on the podcast soon?

01:18:36.960 Jim Gaffigan

01:18:37.660 is going to be coming

01:18:38.220 in studio.

01:18:40.060 Big baby Glenn Davis

01:18:41.460 is supposed to be

01:18:42.120 coming in studio.

01:18:42.880 We have a lot

01:18:45.900 of neat people

01:18:46.480 and I'm so excited

01:18:47.880 to go to my

01:18:48.540 first UFC fight

01:18:49.580 this week

01:18:50.400 and see Aerosmith.

01:18:52.740 It's going to be crazy.

01:18:53.940 Sorry to brag

01:18:54.600 but I never

01:18:55.240 go do anything

01:18:56.480 like that.

01:18:58.040 Thank you to everybody

01:18:58.600 in Kansas City

01:18:59.020 that came out.

01:18:59.580 Thank you for

01:19:00.360 your love

01:19:01.300 and your support

01:19:01.940 and it's never too late.

01:19:04.580 It's never too late.

01:19:05.180 We got to remember that.

01:19:06.560 It's never too late

01:19:07.760 to

01:19:08.020 have a new experience

01:19:11.040 I guess.

01:19:13.820 But yeah,

01:19:14.420 fingerprints man,

01:19:14.980 they're fascinating

01:19:15.500 aren't they?

01:19:16.180 Isn't that fascinating?

01:19:17.660 No one else has these.

01:19:19.640 No one else has them.

01:19:21.460 So if you don't think

01:19:22.060 you're unique,

01:19:25.220 just I mean literally,

01:19:28.280 you have 10

01:19:29.020 pieces of proof

01:19:30.740 right there

01:19:31.080 in front of you

01:19:31.460 that you are

01:19:31.840 and your toes,

01:19:32.920 who even fucking knows

01:19:33.600 if we have toe prints?

01:19:35.420 I mean Jesus Christ.

01:19:37.800 Who knows?

01:19:39.040 Be good to yourselves

01:19:41.440 because we deserve it, man.

01:19:46.660 We deserve it.

01:19:47.580 Thank you guys.

01:19:48.440 I'll see you

01:19:49.640 next week.

01:20:03.980 Stevie Starlight,

01:20:05.080 come over.

01:20:09.040 I'll make a beat

01:20:27.540 higher than a mountain

01:20:31.280 Mountain,

01:20:32.520 mountain,

01:20:33.680 mountain.

01:20:34.720 Set me free.

01:20:35.960 just don't say

01:20:38.980 goodbye.

01:20:43.320 It's you and me

01:20:44.680 enjoy the destination

01:20:48.260 there's on,

01:20:49.860 there's on.

01:20:52.360 Fantasy

01:20:52.960 painted on the wall

01:20:56.920 It's never too late

01:21:03.400 to come over

01:21:06.060 Time slips away

01:21:11.740 from you and me now

01:21:14.600 So don't hesitate

01:21:20.060 to come over

01:21:22.920 Why must we wait

01:21:29.040 When we're alive

01:21:31.280 Ladies and gentlemen,

01:21:35.640 I'm Jonathan Kite

01:21:36.560 and welcome to Kite Club,

01:21:38.240 a podcast where I'll be

01:21:39.520 sharing thoughts on things

01:21:40.600 like current events,

01:21:41.920 stand-up stories,

01:21:43.100 and seven ways

01:21:43.860 to pleasure your partner.

01:21:45.640 The answer may shock you.

01:21:47.380 Sometimes I'll interview

01:21:48.300 my friends,

01:21:49.440 sometimes I won't.

01:21:50.300 And as always,

01:21:52.000 I'll be joined by

01:21:52.660 the voices in my head.

01:21:54.120 You have three

01:21:55.320 new voice messages.

01:21:57.040 A lot of people

01:21:58.140 are talking about

01:21:59.040 Kite Club.

01:21:59.960 I've been talking

01:22:00.780 about Kite Club

01:22:01.660 for so long,

01:22:02.640 longer than anybody else.

01:22:04.300 So great.

01:22:05.620 Hi,

01:22:06.280 sweetheart.

01:22:07.300 Here's the deal.

01:22:08.620 Anyone who doesn't

01:22:09.480 listen to Kite Club

01:22:10.420 is a dodgy bloody wanker.

01:22:12.560 Jermaine.

01:22:13.780 Hi,

01:22:14.660 I'll take a quarter pounder

01:22:15.980 with cheese

01:22:16.460 and a McFlurry.

01:22:17.640 Sorry, sir,

01:22:18.100 but our ice cream

01:22:18.620 machine is broken.

01:22:19.300 I think Tom Hanks

01:22:23.200 just butt-dialed me.

01:22:24.460 Anyway,

01:22:25.120 first rule of Kite Club

01:22:26.120 is tell everyone

01:22:27.580 about Kite Club.

01:22:28.640 Second rule of Kite Club

01:22:29.780 is tell everyone

01:22:31.420 about Kite Club.

01:22:32.860 Third rule,

01:22:33.760 like and subscribe

01:22:34.540 wherever you listen

01:22:35.460 to podcasts

01:22:35.980 or watch us

01:22:37.300 on YouTube,

01:22:37.960 yeah?

01:22:38.620 And yes,

01:22:39.180 don't worry,

01:22:39.900 my Brad Pitt impression

01:22:40.900 will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - April 09, 2019

Fake Machu Picchu ｜ This Past Weekend #188

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