This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Fear

00:00:01.000 What are we?

00:00:04.000 I'm going to be alright.

00:00:31.000 Hear that?

00:00:33.000 Banana.

00:00:44.000 Hear this naughty here.

00:00:47.000 How naughty is this thing?

00:00:55.000 Ooh.

00:00:57.000 Ooh.

00:01:00.000 Somebody's shopping for underpants.

00:01:05.000 Being naughty.

00:01:08.000 Mmm.

00:01:09.000 Somebody's wearing a dirty scarf around their neck.

00:01:13.000 Who is it?

00:01:15.000 It's you.

00:01:17.000 It's never too late

00:01:20.000 To come over

00:01:25.000 Time slips away

00:01:27.000 From you and me now

00:01:31.000 Wow.

00:01:32.000 It's never too late

00:01:35.000 To come over

00:01:36.000 Right there.

00:01:37.000 And that is

00:01:39.000 Stevie Starlight.

00:01:41.000 And some people think like

00:01:43.000 Who's Stevie Starlight?

00:01:44.000 You know?

00:01:45.000 It sounds like somebody

00:01:46.000 You know

00:01:47.000 That uh

00:01:48.000 You know

00:01:49.000 Roller skates around

00:01:50.000 And just

00:01:51.000 You know

00:01:52.000 Puts dirty peppermints

00:01:53.000 Into the mouths of

00:01:54.000 Adolescents

00:01:55.000 Or you know

00:01:56.000 Middle aged children

00:01:58.000 You know

00:01:59.000 Who's Stevie Starlight?

00:02:01.000 And the answer is

00:02:03.000 I don't fucking know

00:02:04.000 Who it is.

00:02:05.000 Because that's the way the world works now

00:02:08.000 Somebody sends me an email

00:02:09.000 They said

00:02:10.000 Hey I'm Stevie Starlight

00:02:12.000 And this is

00:02:13.000 My life's work

00:02:14.000 This is the magnum opus of my existence

00:02:17.000 This is this

00:02:18.000 Dirty naughty hit

00:02:20.000 And that's Stevie Starlight right there

00:02:22.000 And that is called

00:02:24.000 Come over

00:02:25.000 Time slips away

00:02:30.000 From you and me now

00:02:33.000 And that's

00:02:34.000 That's the kind of song you hear

00:02:35.000 If you're like

00:02:37.000 You know

00:02:38.000 If you broke into somebody's house

00:02:39.000 And you're trying on their clothes

00:02:40.000 You know

00:02:41.000 That's what I feel like

00:02:42.000 You know?

00:02:43.000 It's never too late

00:02:45.000 To come over

00:02:48.000 That's what Steve

00:02:49.000 That's that Stevie Starlight

00:02:51.000 And Stevie Starlight sounds like

00:02:52.000 The kind of dude

00:02:53.000 Never let babysit a kid

00:02:56.000 Obviously

00:02:58.000 Yeah he might

00:02:59.000 You know

00:03:00.000 Have an ad on the internet

00:03:01.000 To be a babysitter

00:03:02.000 Might also have

00:03:03.000 Ulterior motives

00:03:05.000 And that's just my

00:03:07.000 That's just my

00:03:08.000 You know

00:03:09.000 I'm just basing this solely on

00:03:10.000 On the name Stevie Starlight

00:03:13.000 Or he could be the fucking

00:03:15.000 Awesomest airplane pilot

00:03:16.000 You ever get on a plane with

00:03:18.000 Imagine you get on an airplane

00:03:21.000 You get on

00:03:22.000 Fucking no shirt on

00:03:23.000 The pilot

00:03:25.000 Zero shirts

00:03:27.000 You think he has a shirt on?

00:03:28.000 Well apparently

00:03:29.000 You're not

00:03:30.000 You're not getting a good look at him

00:03:31.000 Because he does not

00:03:32.000 He's got on chest hair

00:03:34.000 He's got on a Southwest

00:03:36.000 He has a

00:03:37.000 It says Southwest

00:03:38.000 Tattooed across his chest

00:03:39.000 Pierced

00:03:41.000 Pierced nipples

00:03:42.000 Both of them pierced

00:03:45.000 And each piercing

00:03:46.000 Has like a

00:03:47.000 Half of a heart

00:03:48.000 Hanging off of it

00:03:49.000 One half says

00:03:51.000 B-E-F-R-I

00:03:53.000 The other half

00:03:54.000 Hanging off the other nipple

00:03:55.000 Says

00:03:56.000 S-T-E-N-D-S

00:03:58.000 He has a

00:03:59.000 He has a

00:04:00.000 Best friend's heart

00:04:01.000 Hanging half and half

00:04:02.000 Off each

00:04:03.000 You know

00:04:04.000 Slippery little

00:04:06.000 You know

00:04:07.000 Little nerve ending

00:04:09.000 Little

00:04:10.000 Dirty little brown

00:04:12.000 Baby

00:04:13.000 Titty nipple

00:04:15.000 And that's Stevie Starlight

00:04:18.000 Imagine you get on that airplane

00:04:19.000 And there he is

00:04:21.000 You're like

00:04:22.000 Captain

00:04:23.000 And he just cranks it up

00:04:30.000 And you know

00:04:31.000 You're going

00:04:32.000 You're going to fucking heaven

00:04:34.000 That's where you're going dude

00:04:35.000 That's the only place this jet goes

00:04:37.000 Newark

00:04:38.000 To

00:04:39.000 Heaven

00:04:47.000 But you know what this is guys

00:04:48.000 This is that comeback music

00:04:49.000 This will make you stomp your foot dude

00:04:55.000 This will make you fucking just put your

00:04:56.000 Both your fingers into a baby's mouth

00:04:58.000 And just take that little

00:05:00.000 Whatever you gave them some

00:05:02.000 Creme peaches or whatever you just fed them

00:05:04.000 It will make you take it right back out of their mouth

00:05:06.000 And just eat it right in front of them

00:05:11.000 You can see right now you can feel somebody just

00:05:14.000 And the baby is just like looking like

00:05:17.000 The baby is like what?

00:05:19.000 Yeah baby

00:05:20.000 That's what happens in this universe

00:05:21.000 Welcome to the world

00:05:22.000 Because sometimes people will take the food

00:05:24.000 Right out of your mouth

00:05:26.000 And I'm just fired up today because I'm back man

00:05:29.000 That's what I felt like

00:05:30.000 When I saw this hit from Stevie Starlight

00:05:33.000 This come over

00:05:35.000 That's what I just

00:05:37.000 This is like Rocky

00:05:41.000 It's like that Rocky music

00:05:42.000 But for like a guy who sometimes questions his sexuality

00:05:45.000 And that's what I felt

00:05:47.000 And that's what I felt

00:05:48.000 I mean it's just like man

00:05:53.000 That's that Stevie Starlight

00:05:55.000 And I want to thank you guys for being here with me

00:05:57.000 Welcome to this past Thursday

00:05:58.000 And this is that comeback

00:06:00.000 You know last on Monday I just felt rattled man

00:06:04.000 I just didn't feel

00:06:06.000 I didn't feel good

00:06:08.000 You know I just felt

00:06:10.000 And I was thinking about how I felt

00:06:12.000 And uh

00:06:14.000 And I guess I just felt a lot of fear man

00:06:16.000 I just felt

00:06:17.000 I felt like the episode

00:06:19.000 Or just be I just I don't know

00:06:21.000 I just didn't feel good

00:06:23.000 You know

00:06:24.000 I didn't feel that good

00:06:26.000 And I just didn't

00:06:28.000 I just felt disconnected

00:06:30.000 You know I just felt disconnected

00:06:31.000 And I'd been doing everything that I kind of need to do to stay connected

00:06:35.000 Because for me I have to follow

00:06:37.000 I have to try to follow a

00:06:39.000 You know organized set of

00:06:42.000 You know things each day to try and stay connected

00:06:45.000 And I'd been doing that

00:06:47.000 And I just and I was feeling not connected

00:06:49.000 And that was you know it was just getting a little bit scary to me

00:06:51.000 But uh

00:06:53.000 I want to thank some of you guys that reached out

00:06:55.000 And um

00:06:56.000 And just said hey man

00:06:57.000 You know uh

00:06:59.000 You know keep your head up

00:07:01.000 Everything's okay

00:07:03.000 You know and sometimes we just have to hear that

00:07:04.000 Sometimes we have to hear somebody say that to us

00:07:06.000 And so I appreciate it

00:07:07.000 That was some of you guys that um

00:07:09.000 That did that

00:07:11.000 And I just was just afraid

00:07:12.000 I was thinking about it

00:07:14.000 I guess I was just afraid

00:07:16.000 You know I had some fear that

00:07:18.000 You know we've been getting more listeners to the

00:07:20.000 To the show

00:07:22.000 And we have like um

00:07:24.000 We have you know some

00:07:25.000 Some exciting plans coming up for

00:07:28.000 This year and for the coming months

00:07:30.000 We're going to do a state of the

00:07:31.000 Podcast address

00:07:33.000 On on um

00:07:35.000 On Monday's upcoming episode

00:07:37.000 Where we're just going to kind of

00:07:39.000 You know we have some things that are you know

00:07:40.000 Going to happen that we want to start to um

00:07:42.000 You know unravel out into the universe

00:07:44.000 And I guess I was just feeling like a lot of pressure

00:07:47.000 Um

00:07:49.000 You know and I was and I just

00:07:51.000 I just kind of lost my

00:07:52.000 You ever seen a baby deer

00:07:54.000 Sometime if a baby deer gets born

00:07:56.000 They come out of their mom

00:07:58.000 First of all a baby deer walks out backwards into the world

00:08:02.000 Do you know that?

00:08:04.000 Some animals come out frontwards

00:08:06.000 Humans

00:08:08.000 You know?

00:08:09.000 Figures dude

00:08:11.000 Idiot humans coming out frontwards

00:08:13.000 What an idiot

00:08:15.000 Because somebody can attack your head

00:08:17.000 Immediately

00:08:18.000 Say you're being born

00:08:19.000 And there's a damn war going on

00:08:21.000 Or there's a fire

00:08:23.000 And you stick your head out first

00:08:25.000 What an idiot

00:08:26.000 You're an idiot

00:08:28.000 And when I say you I mean all of us

00:08:29.000 Because that's how we do it

00:08:31.000 And that should show us right there

00:08:32.000 That humans

00:08:34.000 We're not

00:08:36.000 It's you know

00:08:37.000 It's not a

00:08:39.000 We're not really pro

00:08:41.000 We're not

00:08:43.000 We're kind of just dumb a little

00:08:44.000 We go head first into the world

00:08:45.000 I mean it's brave

00:08:47.000 You know it's adventurous

00:08:49.000 It's that pioneer spirit

00:08:51.000 But to imagine

00:08:53.000 Think about this

00:08:54.000 It's a place you've never been

00:08:56.000 Because you've never been anywhere

00:08:59.000 Because you're brand new

00:09:01.000 Into the universe

00:09:03.000 As far as we know

00:09:05.000 And you're going to stick your head out there first

00:09:08.000 What a damn Muppet

00:09:13.000 What a greased up

00:09:16.000 Damn

00:09:18.000 Snicker sniffing Muppet

00:09:20.000 It's crazy

00:09:22.000 And that's why

00:09:24.000 Breach birthers

00:09:25.000 I trust a breach birther more often

00:09:27.000 And I wish that if

00:09:29.000 We should all have to wear a little name tag

00:09:31.000 That says if we were breach or head first

00:09:33.000 Because while head first

00:09:34.000 It's brave and everything

00:09:36.000 Also way idiot

00:09:37.000 Yeah

00:09:38.000 Never been in the universe before

00:09:39.000 I'm just going to stick my head out first

00:09:42.000 Well that's nuts

00:09:44.000 So breach birthers

00:09:45.000 At least they're like

00:09:48.000 I'm going to put a toe into the universe

00:09:50.000 And see how it feels

00:09:52.000 Maybe I'll put two feet in the universe

00:09:55.000 Way more

00:09:57.000 And if a breach birth

00:09:58.000 If it's a fire

00:09:59.000 If it's a war

00:10:00.000 Or if somebody lops their heads off

00:10:02.000 Their legs off

00:10:03.000 You still got the rest of your body

00:10:04.000 You can still get born

00:10:05.000 And go live out in the world

00:10:07.000 In a wheelchair

00:10:08.000 Or on a skateboard

00:10:10.000 If you don't have any legs

00:10:11.000 Sometimes when people don't have legs

00:10:13.000 You know you can see them on the internet

00:10:14.000 It's a lot of

00:10:15.000 Some men

00:10:16.000 And some men in India

00:10:17.000 Even they duct tape them to a skateboard

00:10:18.000 And that's their body

00:10:20.000 Is the skateboard you know

00:10:21.000 They still have their chest

00:10:23.000 And their genitalia

00:10:25.000 And hips

00:10:27.000 But

00:10:28.000 But anyhow

00:10:29.000 You know that's

00:10:31.000 That's kind of

00:10:32.000 You know I was just fearful

00:10:35.000 I was just scared

00:10:36.000 You know I think just some fear

00:10:38.000 That there's a lot going on

00:10:40.000 And that you know

00:10:41.000 And I was

00:10:42.000 That I was just going to mess up

00:10:44.000 You know that I just lost my confidence

00:10:46.000 I lost my footing for a second

00:10:48.000 And going back to what I was talking about

00:10:51.000 And going back to what I was talking about

00:10:53.000 A baby deer

00:10:55.000 They come in

00:10:56.000 They back into the universe

00:10:58.000 If you ever

00:10:59.000 Sometime I'll stay up at night

00:11:00.000 Watching animals be born on the internet

00:11:02.000 You know and I was watching funerals for a while

00:11:05.000 But my therapist said I should quit watching funerals

00:11:07.000 Because it's depressing

00:11:09.000 And I'll say this dude honestly

00:11:11.000 A lot of the funerals on the internet

00:11:13.000 Extremely long

00:11:15.000 Like most of them are Middle Eastern

00:11:17.000 I'm talking

00:11:19.000 You can watch

00:11:20.000 There's funerals on the internet that are six hours long

00:11:22.000 Not and not

00:11:24.000 Very bizarre

00:11:26.000 Exciting but also bizarre

00:11:28.000 But you can watch babies be born

00:11:29.000 But baby deers

00:11:30.000 They back into the universe

00:11:32.000 But when they get here

00:11:33.000 Their legs are so shaky

00:11:36.000 You know their legs are just like

00:11:39.000 Just long

00:11:41.000 Just they're almost just like marshmallow

00:11:43.000 With hoofs on the end

00:11:45.000 Imagine trying to stand up on marshmallow

00:11:48.000 I mean it's tough

00:11:50.000 It's almost you know it's

00:11:52.000 And sometimes if you do a lot of drugs or something

00:11:54.000 You can have that similar experience

00:11:56.000 But that's how baby deers are

00:11:58.000 And their legs shake

00:11:59.000 And that's how I felt

00:12:01.000 I just felt shaky

00:12:03.000 I felt like my legs and my neck

00:12:04.000 And everything was just marshmallow

00:12:06.000 And I just got

00:12:08.000 You know I just felt like

00:12:10.000 I didn't want to

00:12:12.000 I don't know

00:12:14.000 I just wanted

00:12:15.000 I don't know

00:12:16.000 I just didn't feel okay

00:12:18.000 And sometimes you're going to have days like that

00:12:20.000 And so that's just kind of what was going on

00:12:21.000 And I'm not apologizing

00:12:23.000 I'm not complaining

00:12:25.000 I'm not

00:12:26.000 I just was trying to

00:12:27.000 You know the past few days

00:12:28.000 I was just trying to think about what was going on

00:12:30.000 You know and sometimes

00:12:32.000 Fucking you know

00:12:33.000 The universe is going to be

00:12:35.000 It's going to be this

00:12:36.000 It's going to be this cool little

00:12:38.000 Crystal ball that I'm going to play with

00:12:40.000 And look at

00:12:41.000 And sometimes the universe is going to be a damn cannonball

00:12:44.000 That's going to rip right by

00:12:46.000 And just rip my sister's tits off

00:12:48.000 You know

00:12:49.000 Or it's going to just

00:12:50.000 Just come

00:12:52.000 Steaming fast right through my step daddy's legs

00:12:54.000 And just blast his nuts into the

00:12:56.000 The next

00:12:58.000 Nuttosphere

00:13:00.000 Sometimes that kind of stuff is going to happen

00:13:02.000 And that's what was going on

00:13:04.000 So I just had some fear man

00:13:06.000 You know I had some fear

00:13:08.000 Of

00:13:09.000 Of just failure I guess

00:13:11.000 I had some fear of

00:13:13.000 You know I don't know

00:13:14.000 Just everything

00:13:15.000 I had some fear

00:13:16.000 So that's what was going on with me

00:13:17.000 And today

00:13:18.000 And today

00:13:19.000 I'm feeling better

00:13:21.000 You know I've done some things

00:13:22.000 I went for a run

00:13:24.000 I'm staying

00:13:25.000 I'm just staying confident

00:13:26.000 I'm coming back man

00:13:28.000 I'm Stevie

00:13:29.000 Fucking starlight dude

00:13:30.000 I'm not Billy Blackhole

00:13:32.000 I'm not Billy Blackhole dude

00:13:34.000 I'm just

00:13:36.000 Falling into my own gravity

00:13:38.000 And I'm just going to go hide in my shirt

00:13:40.000 Like a Punxsutawney Phil

00:13:43.000 That's lazy and don't want to get out there

00:13:44.000 And do his work

00:13:46.000 And see what his fucking shadows going to do

00:13:48.000 I'm not going to be like that

00:13:50.000 I'm going to be like Stevie Starlight

00:13:52.000 And I'm going to fucking

00:13:53.000 When my mom's at work

00:13:54.000 I'm going to go in her room

00:13:56.000 And I'm going to get her nightgown out of the fucking closet

00:13:58.000 And I'm going to get in front of the mirror

00:14:00.000 And I'm going to

00:14:01.000 I'm going to be human

00:14:18.000 That's what I'm going to do

00:14:19.000 Thank you guys for joining me man

00:14:21.000 It's Thursday

00:14:23.000 What's going on?

00:14:24.000 What's going on in the universe?

00:14:26.000 I'm here, you know that

00:14:27.000 You're here

00:14:28.000 Thank you guys for joining me

00:14:30.000 And I want to thank everybody for listening

00:14:31.000 I want to thank everybody on YouTube for subscribing

00:14:33.000 We're up to 25,000 subscribers

00:14:36.000 When we get to 30,000

00:14:37.000 I'm going to put out some new comedy content for you guys

00:14:40.000 We have the studio

00:14:43.000 We got some updates coming up

00:14:45.000 And I'll announce all that stuff next week

00:14:48.000 But thank you guys for being here

00:14:51.000 What's been going on with me man?

00:14:54.000 What's been going on in the world?

00:14:55.000 The State of the Union address

00:14:58.000 Yeah, I think what gets me

00:15:01.000 In watching this

00:15:02.000 And in watching the State of the Union address

00:15:05.000 About a lot of the politics these days

00:15:08.000 Is that

00:15:10.000 It seems like

00:15:12.000 Like I don't think Trump is a neat guy

00:15:16.000 You know?

00:15:17.000 I don't think he's a great leader

00:15:19.000 You know, I don't think he embodies

00:15:21.000 You know, I don't think he

00:15:25.000 Gets people

00:15:27.000 You know, I think he is a shiesty businessman

00:15:32.000 But

00:15:34.000 With all those things said

00:15:36.000 I don't want America to fail

00:15:39.000 Just

00:15:41.000 It seems like there's a lot of people out there

00:15:43.000 That want Trump to fail

00:15:44.000 And want America to suffer

00:15:48.000 So that they can prove their point

00:15:51.000 Or so that they can be right

00:15:54.000 And that to me

00:15:56.000 That's where I don't understand what's going on

00:16:00.000 That doesn't

00:16:02.000 That doesn't seem right to me

00:16:04.000 Like I hope that

00:16:06.000 I hope that he succeeds

00:16:08.000 I hope that

00:16:10.000 That there's success for everyone

00:16:13.000 I hope that there's

00:16:15.000 You know, I hope that

00:16:17.000 That the political

00:16:19.000 That they are able to figure things out

00:16:20.000 And they get it right

00:16:22.000 And that things change

00:16:24.000 You know, and I'm not even a politico

00:16:26.000 I'm not even a fan of politics

00:16:28.000 But if I don't

00:16:30.000 If I don't think that

00:16:31.000 If I'm not hopeful

00:16:33.000 Then who am I?

00:16:34.000 Like then what am I

00:16:35.000 What am I doing here?

00:16:37.000 Then how do I even

00:16:38.000 Call myself an American?

00:16:40.000 If I'm not hopeful for

00:16:42.000 Better things in our country

00:16:45.000 You know, I

00:16:48.000 Because it's like

00:16:49.000 Even if good news comes out

00:16:50.000 If something positive happens

00:16:52.000 Nobody

00:16:54.000 It's like

00:16:56.000 There's so much

00:16:57.000 It's still negative stuff on the news

00:16:59.000 You know, it's still like

00:17:01.000 There's always like

00:17:02.000 A negative connotation with it

00:17:03.000 Like why can't we just be excited about something?

00:17:06.000 You know, like black unemployment

00:17:08.000 They said

00:17:09.000 And there's caveats to this I guess

00:17:11.000 But that black unemployment was at an all-time low

00:17:13.000 And you know what?

00:17:16.000 I don't know

00:17:18.000 I don't even

00:17:19.000 I didn't look into the stats of that

00:17:21.000 You know, I didn't look into it

00:17:23.000 But I'll say this

00:17:24.000 In my life

00:17:26.000 I've never even seen that on a ticker

00:17:27.000 I've never even heard that

00:17:28.000 I've never even heard that

00:17:32.000 In the zeitgeist of what's going on

00:17:35.000 I've never even heard that

00:17:37.000 Uttered in the world

00:17:39.000 And so

00:17:41.000 To have that be something that's said

00:17:45.000 That's amazing

00:17:47.000 I mean, when I was growing up

00:17:49.000 The only black people that had money

00:17:52.000 Were

00:17:54.000 The Dallas Cowboys

00:17:56.000 And people on that movie

00:17:58.000 Coming to America

00:18:00.000 Those are the only wealthy black people that you would see

00:18:02.000 And I don't mean that as a shun or anything like that

00:18:05.000 I'm talking

00:18:06.000 Facts

00:18:07.000 And those are the facts from my eyes

00:18:09.000 So those are just my facts

00:18:12.000 You know, when I was growing up

00:18:15.000 You didn't

00:18:16.000 There wasn't a rich black man in my town

00:18:21.000 You know, I remember my mother

00:18:23.000 For a while dated a man who was

00:18:25.000 Black and Jewish

00:18:28.000 And he was

00:18:31.000 And I guess

00:18:33.000 One of his parents might have been

00:18:34.000 White

00:18:36.000 Yeah, one of his parents I guess

00:18:37.000 Was Jewish and white

00:18:38.000 And then one of his parents was black

00:18:40.000 And he was the only

00:18:41.000 He was the

00:18:43.000 The closest thing I'd seen to

00:18:44.000 Like a wealthy black man

00:18:46.000 You know

00:18:48.000 But

00:18:50.000 And he was from New Orleans

00:18:52.000 But I didn't

00:18:54.000 You know, there just

00:18:55.000 It wasn't something that was going on

00:18:57.000 But now

00:18:59.000 Dude, you go to Atlanta 25 years ago

00:19:02.000 When you go to Atlanta now

00:19:03.000 Now

00:19:05.000 Dude, you go walk through the Lenox Mall

00:19:07.000 In Atlanta

00:19:08.000 And you're white

00:19:10.000 You will

00:19:11.000 Well, anyway, I felt like the poorest person

00:19:13.000 In town

00:19:15.000 There's a lot of black wealth

00:19:17.000 You know, there's a lot of black opportunity

00:19:20.000 And I'm not saying like

00:19:22.000 I've had nothing to do with this

00:19:24.000 But I'm not saying that

00:19:26.000 This isn't something that I've seen in my lifetime

00:19:28.000 In my lifetime

00:19:29.000 And so

00:19:30.000 This isn't, you know

00:19:31.000 It's something that is exciting

00:19:33.000 You know, it's something that is cool to see

00:19:36.000 It's something where you can see that change can happen

00:19:39.000 You know, so if you

00:19:41.000 So if I hear a stat like that

00:19:43.000 Or if I hear something that's positive

00:19:45.000 You know, I'm still going to be hopeful for America

00:19:47.000 Whereas I feel like there's people out there

00:19:49.000 That even if

00:19:52.000 Say if

00:19:54.000 You know, the current political regime

00:19:57.000 Solved all the

00:19:58.000 Say if they cured cancer

00:20:00.000 That there's people out there that would be like

00:20:03.000 Meh

00:20:05.000 Like, you know, like they're just

00:20:08.000 And at that point it makes me wonder

00:20:10.000 If I'm thinking that way

00:20:12.000 Is it more about me?

00:20:13.000 Like what's wrong with me?

00:20:15.000 If I'm stuck on that?

00:20:17.000 That oh, it's yeah

00:20:19.000 Because then it's not like

00:20:21.000 It's not like I really am interested in the world being a certain way

00:20:25.000 It's in

00:20:26.000 I'm interested in the world becoming a certain way

00:20:28.000 The way that I want it to become that way

00:20:32.000 Or

00:20:34.000 Or something like

00:20:35.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:20:36.000 I don't know

00:20:37.000 It's just

00:20:38.000 I just don't understand

00:20:40.000 You know, there's so many people that just don't even seem hopeful

00:20:44.000 You know, they're like love

00:20:45.000 You know, love, love, love, love

00:20:48.000 But then, you know, everything on television

00:20:50.000 There's just so much hate

00:20:52.000 It's like how are you going to get to love

00:20:56.000 If all you're doing is hating all the time?

00:21:00.000 You know, it's the same thing that I

00:21:02.000 You know, that makes you

00:21:03.000 Like I don't

00:21:04.000 Like people that hate so much

00:21:06.000 And so many, you know, there's

00:21:08.000 You know, you see read so many articles

00:21:10.000 And so much anti-USA

00:21:13.000 Anti-American

00:21:15.000 Anti-Trump sentiment

00:21:17.000 And I get it

00:21:18.000 Like Trump is not easily likable

00:21:20.000 At all

00:21:21.000 But

00:21:22.000 If you're sitting there hating him

00:21:27.000 And then also hate

00:21:29.000 And not wanting any success

00:21:31.000 For

00:21:33.000 For the next few years that he's in office

00:21:36.000 Or whatever

00:21:37.000 Then what does that mean about you?

00:21:39.000 Or what does that mean?

00:21:40.000 If that's me, what does that mean about me?

00:21:42.000 Like

00:21:44.000 Is it more about what I want?

00:21:46.000 Or is it more about what's

00:21:47.000 You know, that people

00:21:49.000 That things could actually

00:21:51.000 Get better?

00:21:53.000 You know, and how do I get to

00:21:55.000 And if all I do is hate something

00:21:58.000 Where's my love?

00:22:01.000 You know, I mean there was

00:22:03.000 Dude, growing up there was so many

00:22:05.000 Like it was

00:22:07.000 You know, it was tough

00:22:08.000 I remember there was

00:22:09.000 You know, it was tough growing up in a community where

00:22:16.000 There was so much poverty in the black community

00:22:21.000 Where they had just generations of

00:22:26.000 Of lack of education

00:22:29.000 Generations of lack of desire

00:22:32.000 Generations of lack of opportunity

00:22:35.000 And then it got to the point where

00:22:38.000 You know, the kids that

00:22:40.000 Some of the kids that I would grow up with

00:22:43.000 They just had nothing

00:22:45.000 They didn't have anything inside of them

00:22:47.000 You know, and I'm not saying this to

00:22:50.000 Make fun of them or to point fingers at them

00:22:52.000 I'm saying this because like

00:22:54.000 There would be instances where

00:22:56.000 You know, I would get jumped by black kids

00:22:58.000 Or I would get, you know, threatened

00:23:00.000 Or I had a girlfriend that used to get

00:23:02.000 You know, molested, if you will

00:23:08.000 By, you know, a tougher black guy on the school bus

00:23:12.000 And

00:23:14.000 And at the time, like, you know

00:23:17.000 I didn't understand a lot of that stuff

00:23:19.000 I didn't understand a lot of

00:23:21.000 You know, where some of these kids were

00:23:25.000 In the history of time

00:23:27.000 And in their lives

00:23:28.000 You know, but

00:23:31.000 But I

00:23:32.000 But I would

00:23:34.000 But I had to

00:23:36.000 But I

00:23:38.000 I could still

00:23:40.000 Even though I was angry

00:23:42.000 You know, over time

00:23:45.000 I understood

00:23:47.000 I could understand what was going on

00:23:49.000 You know, I could understand that

00:23:51.000 Sure, even though

00:23:53.000 You know, some of this behavior

00:23:55.000 Is out there

00:23:57.000 And some of it, of course

00:23:59.000 Is whoever's fault it is

00:24:01.000 The actual

00:24:03.000 Person doing the behavior

00:24:05.000 It's their fault

00:24:07.000 There's also an element over time

00:24:10.000 That

00:24:12.000 Is built into

00:24:14.000 Their world

00:24:15.000 Their world

00:24:16.000 Or a lack of elements

00:24:17.000 That are built into

00:24:18.000 Some of these kids' lives

00:24:20.000 That makes them

00:24:22.000 Be able to function

00:24:24.000 And be comfortable

00:24:26.000 In the society

00:24:28.000 In society

00:24:29.000 And therefore

00:24:31.000 You know, that's why

00:24:32.000 Sometimes they would act out

00:24:33.000 And behave the way they did

00:24:35.000 And I had to understand that

00:24:37.000 And I would still have to

00:24:38.000 And I was still hopeful

00:24:40.000 For these kids

00:24:41.000 And for these communities

00:24:42.000 You know, because

00:24:43.000 Even though

00:24:44.000 Maybe my

00:24:45.000 Some of my life

00:24:46.000 Wasn't as bad

00:24:48.000 We were still

00:24:50.000 Right there

00:24:51.000 You know, in the same

00:24:53.000 Neighborhoods

00:24:54.000 In the same

00:24:55.000 School bus

00:24:56.000 In the same

00:24:57.000 Circle

00:24:59.000 And

00:25:00.000 And even though

00:25:02.000 I hated

00:25:04.000 I mean, I hated

00:25:05.000 Some of their behavior

00:25:06.000 I hated being threatened

00:25:07.000 You know, I hated

00:25:12.000 I hated sometimes

00:25:13.000 How mean some of these kids were

00:25:15.000 You know, and there were

00:25:16.000 White kids that were too

00:25:17.000 I'm not saying that it was just

00:25:18.000 One way

00:25:20.000 But

00:25:22.000 But some of these kids

00:25:23.000 You know, there were some black kids

00:25:24.000 That were so

00:25:26.000 Just

00:25:28.000 Angry

00:25:30.000 You know, and so mean

00:25:32.000 But I was still hopeful

00:25:34.000 Even if I didn't

00:25:36.000 Like them

00:25:37.000 I still try to be

00:25:39.000 You know, I think

00:25:40.000 Understanding

00:25:42.000 Where I could

00:25:43.000 And hopeful

00:25:45.000 That

00:25:46.000 That things would get better

00:25:48.000 And

00:25:49.000 And I'm not comparing that

00:25:50.000 To what's going on now

00:25:51.000 I'm just trying to find a correlation

00:25:52.000 In my life

00:25:54.000 Where

00:25:55.000 Even if I don't like

00:25:57.000 Something

00:26:00.000 For me to then not want that

00:26:02.000 You know

00:26:05.000 Or like a person

00:26:06.000 Or a group

00:26:07.000 For me to not want them to succeed

00:26:09.000 Just to prove my point

00:26:11.000 Or to prove

00:26:12.000 Or to justify my angst

00:26:13.000 Or my anger

00:26:15.000 That that is

00:26:17.000 Something is wrong with me then

00:26:19.000 That that is

00:26:20.000 Because that's

00:26:21.000 That's selfish

00:26:23.000 You know, that's selfish

00:26:25.000 And it doesn't take away

00:26:27.000 Maybe some of you know

00:26:28.000 The anger that I have

00:26:29.000 Towards some of the kids

00:26:30.000 That were, you know

00:26:31.000 Violent towards me when I was young

00:26:32.000 Or that beat me up

00:26:33.000 Or that made me feel less than

00:26:35.000 Or threaten me

00:26:37.000 Or

00:26:39.000 You know, did some things that were vile

00:26:41.000 That I had to be around

00:26:43.000 But

00:26:45.000 It does

00:26:48.000 You know, but those are instances

00:26:49.000 That I would then take up with

00:26:51.000 You know, with those

00:26:53.000 With those, I guess with those

00:26:54.000 Specific people

00:26:57.000 You know

00:27:01.000 But

00:27:03.000 It's

00:27:04.000 I don't know man

00:27:05.000 I just

00:27:06.000 My brain is just getting a little bit lost

00:27:08.000 But sometimes

00:27:09.000 Yeah, I just don't like

00:27:10.000 Some of the energy that's out there

00:27:12.000 Where it's not about

00:27:14.000 Getting better as a group

00:27:16.000 And there's not even a look

00:27:17.000 Towards that horizon

00:27:18.000 There's just a

00:27:21.000 I want to see some failure

00:27:23.000 So that I can be right

00:27:26.000 Because we just

00:27:28.000 It's not

00:27:30.000 For the betterment of everyone then

00:27:32.000 We're not going to

00:27:34.000 You can't

00:27:36.000 We can't get better like that

00:27:37.000 As a group, I don't think

00:27:39.000 You know

00:27:40.000 And I could be wrong

00:27:41.000 And I'm not

00:27:43.000 I'm not trying to offend anybody

00:27:44.000 I'm just trying to

00:27:45.000 Think

00:27:47.000 And be alive at the same time

00:27:49.000 And trying to feel

00:27:50.000 And talk at the same time

00:27:52.000 Which most of my life

00:27:53.000 Has been really tough

00:27:55.000 For me to do

00:27:59.000 Just because sometimes

00:28:01.000 Over the years

00:28:02.000 I don't even know how

00:28:03.000 How I was feeling

00:28:05.000 You know, and I think I was also

00:28:06.000 Just been afraid sometimes

00:28:08.000 To talk

00:28:10.000 You know, I always

00:28:11.000 Did humor

00:28:12.000 Or told jokes

00:28:13.000 Stuff like that

00:28:14.000 And that sort of behavior

00:28:15.000 Because

00:28:16.000 It was the only language

00:28:17.000 That I really

00:28:20.000 I don't know

00:28:21.000 It's the only language

00:28:22.000 Really that I knew

00:28:24.000 You know, and sometimes

00:28:25.000 I get scared I think

00:28:26.000 And that's where I think

00:28:27.000 A lot of my fear came in

00:28:29.000 On the last episode

00:28:30.000 And it probably will again

00:28:32.000 Where I just get scared

00:28:35.000 I just get scared

00:28:37.000 You know

00:28:39.000 Being brave enough

00:28:40.000 To say what is okay for me

00:28:41.000 And what my life is

00:28:44.000 And what's going on with me

00:28:46.000 And being brave enough

00:28:47.000 To tell my story

00:28:50.000 You know, and nothing

00:28:51.000 Honestly, dude, nothing

00:28:52.000 Has made me feel

00:28:53.000 Like I moved out here

00:28:54.000 To Los Angeles to be

00:28:56.000 More free

00:28:58.000 You know

00:29:00.000 I mean, I love Louisiana

00:29:01.000 I love my home state

00:29:02.000 I love

00:29:03.000 I love

00:29:06.000 You know, that small town vibe

00:29:08.000 I love a sense of community

00:29:10.000 That

00:29:11.000 A sense of community

00:29:12.000 Saved me

00:29:14.000 From

00:29:17.000 From

00:29:19.000 Who knows what

00:29:21.000 Saved me from

00:29:22.000 A lot of stuff

00:29:23.000 There's a lot of people

00:29:24.000 That lended their

00:29:25.000 Heart

00:29:26.000 And their

00:29:27.000 You know, their concern

00:29:28.000 And their home even

00:29:29.000 Make me feel okay

00:29:32.000 But

00:29:33.000 I get out here

00:29:34.000 To Los Angeles

00:29:35.000 And I

00:29:36.000 Sometimes I can't even tell

00:29:37.000 I feel like my story

00:29:38.000 Doesn't even exist

00:29:39.000 You know, because suddenly

00:29:40.000 There's this

00:29:41.000 There's just this

00:29:42.000 You know, ghost in the air

00:29:43.000 This

00:29:44.000 There's this

00:29:46.000 There's this

00:29:47.000 Where people want to

00:29:48.000 They don't want to look at the big picture

00:29:51.000 They want to be right

00:29:53.000 And some guy out here

00:29:54.000 Who

00:29:56.000 You know, who

00:29:58.000 You know, some

00:30:00.000 You know, white kid

00:30:01.000 Who is, you know

00:30:02.000 Is trying not to be racist

00:30:04.000 And trying not to be

00:30:06.000 A fucking

00:30:08.000 You know

00:30:10.000 You know, trying not to be a pervert

00:30:12.000 For sure

00:30:13.000 I'm always trying that

00:30:14.000 I mean, everybody knows

00:30:15.000 Jerk off locally

00:30:16.000 Or even when I'm out of town

00:30:18.000 But

00:30:19.000 You know, it's like

00:30:21.000 Just because I don't sound and look

00:30:22.000 Just like everybody

00:30:23.000 Who's just on this

00:30:25.000 You know, this cookie cutter plate

00:30:27.000 That

00:30:28.000 I'm not accepted

00:30:29.000 You know, or that

00:30:31.000 You know, immediately people

00:30:32.000 Just look and judge

00:30:34.000 Even though Hollywood's always about

00:30:35.000 Like, oh, oh

00:30:36.000 Love, love, you know

00:30:37.000 Love, acceptance

00:30:39.000 Yeah, well try walking into a

00:30:41.000 Try walking into a conversation out here

00:30:43.000 With a

00:30:45.000 With a gender neutral haircut

00:30:47.000 And a southern accent

00:30:48.000 And see how much people

00:30:49.000 Are just like, oh

00:30:51.000 Immediately don't say

00:30:52.000 This guy's this way

00:30:53.000 Or this guy's that way

00:30:55.000 You know, I've never felt

00:30:56.000 I've never honestly felt more oppressed

00:30:57.000 In my life

00:30:59.000 And I grew up in apparently

00:31:00.000 One of the most

00:31:01.000 You know, racist environments

00:31:03.000 Of the world

00:31:05.000 You know, but

00:31:06.000 The oppression I felt

00:31:08.000 Heaviest in my life

00:31:11.000 Here in Los Angeles

00:31:13.000 You know, they just try to beat a

00:31:15.000 You know, you just

00:31:17.000 Just frustrating

00:31:18.000 Anyway, I don't want to take us down that path

00:31:19.000 Man, this isn't about me

00:31:22.000 But they had the State of the Union address

00:31:24.000 People watch that

00:31:26.000 There's been a lot of talk recently

00:31:28.000 You know, a lot of people

00:31:29.000 Are asking me on social media

00:31:31.000 About Tom Segura

00:31:33.000 And he is a fellow comedian

00:31:36.000 And he's a very unique man

00:31:39.000 And he has a great podcast

00:31:41.000 Called Your Mom's House

00:31:43.000 And he made fun of Louisiana

00:31:47.000 He was making fun of Louisiana

00:31:48.000 In one of his comedic sets

00:31:49.000 And he was talking about Louisiana

00:31:53.000 And build a wall around it

00:31:55.000 And he talked about

00:31:57.000 He used the word retarded

00:31:59.000 And there's just been an uproar about it

00:32:01.000 And a lot of people asking me how I feel

00:32:03.000 And you know what's funny is

00:32:05.000 Before I even knew that this was on

00:32:08.000 On television where people could watch it

00:32:10.000 Or on Netflix where people could watch it

00:32:12.000 I heard Tom do that bit

00:32:15.000 I heard Tom do that set

00:32:16.000 At the Comedy Store

00:32:19.000 A couple of months ago

00:32:20.000 And I'm sitting in the back

00:32:22.000 And dude, my first feeling was

00:32:24.000 That I was offended

00:32:26.000 I'm like, man, what the fuck, dude?

00:32:29.000 You gonna make fun of Louisiana?

00:32:31.000 You know, why don't you make fun of one of these

00:32:34.000 You know, one of these show-offs

00:32:36.000 One of these know-it-all places

00:32:38.000 You know, why don't you make fun of a Los Angeles

00:32:40.000 Or a New York

00:32:42.000 Or a California or New York

00:32:43.000 Make fun of a know-it-all kind of place

00:32:46.000 I'm like, you're picking the lowest hanging fruit there, Tom

00:32:50.000 Tomcat

00:32:52.000 And then I'm watching

00:32:54.000 And I'm like, you know

00:32:56.000 And then I realized

00:32:58.000 I have a part in my Netflix special

00:33:00.000 There's a bit where I make fun of Mississippi

00:33:02.000 Which is an even easier place to make fun of

00:33:06.000 So that's when I realized

00:33:08.000 You know what?

00:33:09.000 Like, this is just jokes

00:33:10.000 Even though it might first hit me a little bit

00:33:14.000 Uncomfortable, because that's my home state

00:33:16.000 You know, that these are just jokes

00:33:18.000 I mean, I could go

00:33:20.000 You know, I could raise rebuttal up forever

00:33:22.000 Louisiana Purchase

00:33:24.000 One of the greatest deals ever in the universe

00:33:27.000 We did that

00:33:29.000 You're welcome

00:33:31.000 Okay, bought most of America

00:33:33.000 For 10 cents an acre

00:33:35.000 Boomtown

00:33:36.000 You know, I could say that

00:33:38.000 You know, I could say that

00:33:40.000 You know, one of the pseudo-birthplaces of jazz

00:33:43.000 You know, I could say

00:33:46.000 That we've had, you know, a lot of amazing people

00:33:49.000 Come out of Louisiana

00:33:51.000 You know, I could say, you know, some of the greatest recipes

00:33:54.000 Dude, come on

00:33:56.000 They got some trout

00:33:57.000 Some trout down there

00:33:58.000 That if you eat it

00:34:00.000 One of your deceased grandparents

00:34:02.000 Could probably get that taste in their mouth

00:34:05.000 Even in their skeleton, wherever they're laying

00:34:07.000 They could get that taste in their mouth

00:34:09.000 And so that's when I realized

00:34:11.000 You know what?

00:34:12.000 Sure, I could rebuttal

00:34:13.000 But the thing is, is that

00:34:14.000 It's jokes

00:34:16.000 And that's Tom's take on it

00:34:18.000 And he said, build a wall around Louisiana

00:34:21.000 And so that's his take

00:34:23.000 And that's it

00:34:24.000 You know, I gotta realize

00:34:25.000 Some things are just jokes

00:34:27.000 Especially because if I start to question

00:34:29.000 You know, what

00:34:31.000 You know, I can say if it's

00:34:32.000 If I think it's funny or not

00:34:34.000 But if I start to question

00:34:35.000 What he should be able to joke about

00:34:37.000 It's like, come on

00:34:39.000 And especially in the South

00:34:40.000 We should be able to take a joke

00:34:42.000 You know, there's a lot of places that cannot take jokes

00:34:44.000 But I don't think that the South is one of them

00:34:46.000 And you know, and Tom has to go down there and perform

00:34:50.000 And I'm not gonna, people are asking

00:34:51.000 If I'm gonna be a security guard down there

00:34:52.000 If I'm gonna be down there opening up

00:34:54.000 Not that I know of

00:34:56.000 You know, but good

00:34:58.000 And I wish Tom the best down there

00:35:00.000 I wish him the best

00:35:02.000 You know, a lot of famous people have been killed

00:35:04.000 Even if, you know, if somebody shoots them up

00:35:05.000 A lot of famous people have been killed in Louisiana

00:35:08.000 A lot, man

00:35:10.000 Huey P. Long

00:35:12.000 Pistol Pete Maravich

00:35:14.000 Steven Seagal

00:35:16.000 Jim Croce

00:35:18.000 Larry Sweeney

00:35:20.000 There you go

00:35:24.000 So, you know, it's anybody's ball game down there Tomcat

00:35:29.000 Good luck

00:35:31.000 You know, good luck

00:35:33.000 But I'm not, I can't be offended

00:35:35.000 So I have to, I have to, I think we're almost getting

00:35:37.000 In living out in Los Angeles

00:35:39.000 And even just being in this world today

00:35:41.000 It's that offensive, it's becoming that culture

00:35:43.000 It even infects me

00:35:45.000 Because I wouldn't usually get offended

00:35:46.000 But my first thought was to be offended

00:35:49.000 And I think my, my reasoning was I just feel like

00:35:53.000 That, that the South and that the Midwest

00:35:56.000 These places have been picked on enough

00:35:58.000 You know, but then when I look at my own work

00:36:03.000 Even though I'm from one of these places

00:36:05.000 Here I am picking on it

00:36:06.000 So, it just, you know, at that point

00:36:11.000 I just got to realize that Tom's just telling jokes

00:36:13.000 And then it made me think

00:36:15.000 Well, maybe I should find a, you know, a braver place to make fun of

00:36:18.000 I mean, at least you picked Louisiana

00:36:20.000 I picked Mississippi

00:36:22.000 Which is even, you know, which is a, which

00:36:25.000 You know, usually it's like you go down

00:36:27.000 Like every state makes fun of another state

00:36:28.000 Like, oh yeah

00:36:30.000 You know, North Carolina's like

00:36:32.000 Oh, well you think we're shitty?

00:36:33.000 What about South Carolina?

00:36:34.000 And South Carolina's like

00:36:35.000 Oh, well you think we're shitty?

00:36:36.000 What about Kentucky?

00:36:37.000 And Kentucky's like

00:36:38.000 Oh, well you think we're shitty?

00:36:39.000 What about Alabama?

00:36:40.000 And it keeps going

00:36:41.000 But then you get to Mississippi

00:36:42.000 And Mississippi's like

00:36:43.000 Oh, you think we're shitty?

00:36:44.000 Well

00:36:47.000 And they don't know

00:36:49.000 Because there's no other states left

00:36:51.000 But then also you go to Mississippi, man

00:36:53.000 And you find some people that are

00:36:55.000 You got a lot more

00:36:56.000 The way you go to some of these

00:36:57.000 These, you know

00:37:00.000 You go to some of these Southern and Midwestern states

00:37:02.000 Man, you have so much more good-heartedness

00:37:05.000 You have so much more people actually living their lives

00:37:08.000 And getting to know each other

00:37:10.000 You know

00:37:12.000 I mean, Los Angeles, we sit in traffic

00:37:14.000 Everybody acts like it's so diverse out here

00:37:17.000 Like, yeah, there's a lot of different types of people

00:37:20.000 But it's not like they interact all the time

00:37:23.000 Everybody's, for the most part, seems to be in traffic

00:37:26.000 Driving to their own little insular universe

00:37:30.000 Like, there's a lot of ins

00:37:32.000 Like, you know, there's little neighborhoods

00:37:33.000 Where everybody's kind of very similar

00:37:37.000 You know, it's just like

00:37:38.000 Then we go into our homes and talk about how

00:37:41.000 And people talk about how

00:37:44.000 Diverse and how loving they are

00:37:46.000 But I've known my neighbors way less

00:37:52.000 When I've lived in Los Angeles

00:37:55.000 Than I have any other place that I've lived

00:37:58.000 In America

00:37:59.000 And that's true

00:38:00.000 I've known my neighbors more in other places

00:38:03.000 Including New York City

00:38:05.000 South Carolina

00:38:07.000 New Orleans

00:38:08.000 Arizona

00:38:11.000 I knew my neighbors

00:38:13.000 More in those places than I have

00:38:15.000 Living here the entire

00:38:17.000 And I've been here for probably about 13 or 14 years

00:38:20.000 Now, I'm not saying there's not great things about California

00:38:23.000 You know, I'm not saying there's not great things about Los Angeles

00:38:26.000 But as a place where there's a strong sense of community

00:38:30.000 Anybody who tells you that there is

00:38:33.000 I think is not realistic

00:38:35.000 I think that that's

00:38:37.000 There's very

00:38:39.000 There's not

00:38:40.000 It's very me

00:38:41.000 Everything is very me out here

00:38:43.000 And I don't even know why sometimes

00:38:44.000 I don't even know why I feel that way

00:38:46.000 Or why it is that way

00:38:48.000 You know, I actually met a man on the street earlier

00:38:49.000 And

00:38:51.000 This was like the first time I said

00:38:54.000 I said, hey man

00:38:55.000 You know, I live right down the street

00:38:57.000 At this address

00:38:58.000 And if you ever need anything

00:39:00.000 You know, if you and your wife ever need anything

00:39:03.000 Or whatever

00:39:05.000 You know, I'm down the street

00:39:07.000 And I just realized

00:39:08.000 This was just tonight when I went on this run

00:39:10.000 I was like, man, I've never even said that shit to anybody before

00:39:13.000 So I don't know

00:39:15.000 I mean, the only time I knew

00:39:17.000 I had a neighbor

00:39:18.000 At one of my old places

00:39:20.000 And he

00:39:22.000 And he

00:39:24.000 He had

00:39:25.000 Husbands or men

00:39:27.000 He, you know, preferred the pleasure of men

00:39:29.000 And they used to get up there

00:39:30.000 And sometimes, dude

00:39:31.000 I'd be laying in bed at night

00:39:32.000 Listening to these men make love

00:39:33.000 Kind of in the distance

00:39:35.000 And

00:39:39.000 And damn, sometimes it was

00:39:41.000 You know, it didn't make me erect or anything like that

00:39:44.000 But it was

00:39:45.000 It was probably the most I ever even knew my neighbors

00:39:48.000 Really, in a weird way

00:39:51.000 You know, it was probably the closest that I got to knowing any of my neighbors

00:39:55.000 Was sometimes listening to this man

00:39:57.000 Who used to make soap

00:39:58.000 He also made soap

00:39:59.000 He was a soap

00:40:01.000 Soapsman

00:40:02.000 Or a sudsman

00:40:03.000 I don't even know

00:40:04.000 I could look it up on my internet

00:40:05.000 It's having trouble

00:40:07.000 I would, you know, and I would listen to him

00:40:09.000 And he had a couple of different partners, I think

00:40:11.000 But that's his shit, dude

00:40:12.000 That's his life

00:40:14.000 You know, and it was

00:40:15.000 But that's weird

00:40:16.000 That that was kind of the closest thing I felt

00:40:17.000 To neighborly association

00:40:19.000 Was listening to

00:40:21.000 A couple of fellas moving furniture

00:40:23.000 If you will

00:40:25.000 You know

00:40:27.000 A couple of

00:40:28.000 A couple of lunch hunters

00:40:30.000 You know, people hunting

00:40:32.000 Just getting into the dark arts out there

00:40:33.000 Alright, let's get into a little more stuff here

00:40:35.000 Let's get into a follow-up from some of the stuff that happened last week

00:40:39.000 You guys hit some calls and I really appreciate it

00:40:42.000 I'm not going to let you know a bunch of dates

00:40:44.000 But I will let you know if you look on YouTube

00:40:47.000 A, I'll ask you to subscribe, please

00:40:50.000 And B, I'll let you know I got this Onward t-shirt

00:40:53.000 And they got these Onward shirts now at theovon.com

00:40:56.000 Slash store

00:40:58.000 S-T-O-R-E

00:40:59.000 Where you can support the podcast

00:41:00.000 And that is what is going on

00:41:03.000 I'll let you know in

00:41:04.000 I'll be in Portland next weekend at Harvey's

00:41:07.000 And we're going to go meet up with the hamster rancher

00:41:11.000 So they had a man that called in a while back

00:41:13.000 And he ranches hams

00:41:15.000 And this gentleman

00:41:16.000 We had a conversation with him the other night

00:41:19.000 On the phone, on the telephone

00:41:21.000 And he's still out there working with him

00:41:22.000 And he was feeding a couple of them

00:41:24.000 You know, by bottle, not breast

00:41:26.000 And that's, you know

00:41:27.000 And that's the way to do it

00:41:30.000 I guess if you're feeding a big group

00:41:31.000 And especially if you're not related to them

00:41:33.000 If you're a man

00:41:34.000 But he was doing that

00:41:35.000 And he was being out there

00:41:36.000 And being regular with these animals

00:41:38.000 And so we're going to go meet up with him

00:41:40.000 And get out and see a lot of these beautiful hamsters

00:41:43.000 And so I'm very excited about that

00:41:45.000 So I'm looking forward to that next week

00:41:47.000 But we had some calls that came in from you guys

00:41:50.000 In response to some stuff that was going on last week

00:41:52.000 And I want to get into some of that right now

00:41:55.000 And these are going to be brought to you by

00:41:59.000 Grey Block Pizza

00:42:01.000 And Grey Block Pizza

00:42:02.000 That's over there at 1811 Pico Boulevard

00:42:05.000 In Los Angeles

00:42:06.000 And I'm going to read you one of the

00:42:08.000 Different type of pizza they have right now

00:42:10.000 And this pizza called the Neve Bianco

00:42:13.000 The Neve Bianco

00:42:15.000 And that's red onion

00:42:17.000 Fresh sliced tomato

00:42:19.000 Mazzarella

00:42:21.000 Ricata cheese

00:42:22.000 With garlic basil

00:42:23.000 On a garlic pesto sauce

00:42:25.000 And that's that Neve Bianco

00:42:27.000 1811 Pico Boulevard

00:42:29.000 Los Angeles

00:42:31.000 Go to Grey Block

00:42:33.000 Get that hit up

00:42:35.000 And we're so grateful to them

00:42:37.000 And happy to just the support that they've given

00:42:40.000 Also grateful to you guys over at the Patreon

00:42:43.000 And links to Grey Block and Patreon

00:42:46.000 Are going to be in the comments

00:42:48.000 You can grab those and check them out and see what they're doing

00:42:50.000 We had a guy call in last week

00:42:53.000 And his wife had been drinking

00:42:55.000 And she'd been getting that liquor

00:42:57.000 You know and when a woman gets a liquor in her

00:43:00.000 And look I'm a feminist as they come

00:43:03.000 You know you want to see a lady out there doing something wild

00:43:06.000 Let's see it

00:43:08.000 You want to see a lady

00:43:10.000 I mean look I think ladies were doing just fine

00:43:12.000 They got the Statue of Liberty

00:43:13.000 What else dude

00:43:17.000 They got

00:43:19.000 Okay so maybe we do need a little bit more

00:43:21.000 You know we might need

00:43:22.000 You know if you want to put a couple ladies in the NFL

00:43:24.000 Then do it

00:43:25.000 But I don't see that as equality

00:43:27.000 I just see that as forcing women into the NFL

00:43:30.000 You know but

00:43:32.000 But they had you know a lady that called

00:43:35.000 A man called in and said his wife was out there drinking

00:43:37.000 Doing liquor and having liquor inside of her

00:43:39.000 She just started drinking

00:43:41.000 And she had recently hooked up with his brother's wife

00:43:44.000 It was this gentleman that called

00:43:45.000 I just got a little problem going on

00:43:47.000 My wife recently started drinking

00:43:50.000 Like a couple weeks ago

00:43:52.000 Her first real night of getting hammered drunk

00:43:54.000 She wasn't with me

00:43:56.000 She was with her cousin

00:43:57.000 And she ended up texting the boy

00:43:59.000 That she used to hook up with

00:44:02.000 Yeah and that's the caller

00:44:03.000 And that's the caller

00:44:04.000 And then he goes on to say that the

00:44:06.000 That his wife hooked up with his

00:44:08.000 Sister-in-law

00:44:10.000 And look I mean I've seen some things on the internet

00:44:14.000 You know and I've been out there on some of them

00:44:16.000 You know crazy websites where you hear them blowjobs going on

00:44:20.000 And some of them sites have good blowjobs on them

00:44:23.000 You know sound like somebody washing a car

00:44:26.000 You know or putting a sponge in a bucket

00:44:28.000 One of them real hardy blowjobs you know

00:44:30.000 You know seem like somebody been you know working their neck out

00:44:34.000 Before they even show up to

00:44:36.000 To you know do some work on that cock

00:44:39.000 But this

00:44:41.000 But this guy have family

00:44:43.000 This family getting involved now

00:44:45.000 And he said that that was going on

00:44:48.000 His wife out there

00:44:50.000 You know being wild and being sentimental

00:44:52.000 And they'd been at his brother's house

00:44:54.000 And the wife had snuck out

00:44:56.000 And made you know woman love

00:44:58.000 Which I still don't know how they do it really

00:45:01.000 Because I've even drawn some pictures

00:45:03.000 And it doesn't you know some parts of it don't add up

00:45:06.000 And I made some beautiful woman love though

00:45:08.000 But I do enjoy watching it

00:45:10.000 But I'm trying not to right now

00:45:13.000 But I had made some woman love

00:45:16.000 And so here's some of you guys' responses

00:45:18.000 Let's get into it

00:45:19.000 This is Ryan from PA

00:45:20.000 I'm just calling in response to the guy who

00:45:23.000 His wife was doing some finagling with his sister-in-law

00:45:29.000 And I have a similar experience

00:45:31.000 My ex, she hooked up with a local lesbian once

00:45:36.000 Behind my back

00:45:38.000 Quite frankly that enraged me

00:45:40.000 Because not only it just seemed like a breach of trust

00:45:44.000 And I'm not really into lesbians and stuff like that

00:45:48.000 So it didn't really excite me

00:45:50.000 So I think it's normal to be, you know, upset by that

00:45:53.000 But basically you should just ask her

00:45:55.000 If it'd be okay if you did something with someone else

00:45:59.000 Even another guy

00:46:00.000 If that'd be alright with her

00:46:02.000 And if it's not, then obviously the scales are a little off

00:46:06.000 And that's probably unhealthy for your relationship

00:46:08.000 Wow, okay, and I appreciate that call, Ryan

00:46:12.000 Thank you for calling in

00:46:14.000 You know, there was a lot right there in Ryan's call

00:46:17.000 Because he's saying that this happened to him

00:46:19.000 And you could tell a little bit in his voice

00:46:21.000 That there was still a little, you know, probably still a little bit of resentment there

00:46:25.000 Towards his wife

00:46:26.000 And I'm guesstimating, Ryan

00:46:28.000 I could be wrong and I'm sorry if I'm not trying to judge you

00:46:31.000 I appreciate your call, man

00:46:33.000 You know, you're trying to help out this other gentleman

00:46:37.000 You know, and that's, you know, we're grateful for that

00:46:41.000 But, you know, yeah, your wife hooked up with a local lesbian

00:46:45.000 Now that's the thing

00:46:47.000 Some lesbian women will even seek out a small community

00:46:51.000 Where there are not a lot of lesbian women

00:46:54.000 You know, because then they become that maverick

00:46:58.000 You know, they become that sweet treat in the distance

00:47:01.000 Because they have, you know, they probably have a

00:47:04.000 You know, a lot of lesbians

00:47:06.000 They got that, you know, they have nice etiquette

00:47:09.000 Nice things going on

00:47:11.000 You know, they're active in the community

00:47:14.000 You know, and so then they're meeting women

00:47:16.000 And then if a woman has trouble with her man

00:47:18.000 Next thing you know, who can she go talk to

00:47:20.000 Who's always available?

00:47:22.000 That lesbian

00:47:24.000 That local lesbian

00:47:26.000 And so next thing you know, you're over by that local lesbians house

00:47:29.000 And that's a beautiful little trap they got going on

00:47:31.000 Now, man, as a man, I'm envious of lesbians

00:47:35.000 You know, because they get

00:47:37.000 They, uh, they can

00:47:39.000 They can set up the same old little trap to meet ladies

00:47:42.000 That we used to set up

00:47:44.000 But our trap's been figured out

00:47:46.000 You know, I can't just talk to a guy's wife

00:47:49.000 And have it seem like I'm not up to no good

00:47:51.000 Or a man can't do that

00:47:55.000 But a local lesbian can do that

00:47:57.000 You know, they can be like

00:47:58.000 Oh, come over, you know, let's do some

00:48:00.000 You know, you know, I got this new full body crossword

00:48:04.000 Or, you know, or I got, um

00:48:07.000 You know, I got, uh

00:48:09.000 You know, I got this, you know, new juggling kit

00:48:13.000 Let's learn how to juggle her

00:48:14.000 Let's do something

00:48:16.000 Let's bake, you know

00:48:17.000 You know, let's bake these, uh

00:48:20.000 You know, I'm with her cookies

00:48:22.000 And next thing you know, they're falling in love

00:48:24.000 These two women

00:48:26.000 And so, obviously, you know, Ryan said that

00:48:29.000 That his wife, you know, had made out with a local lesbian

00:48:32.000 And that, that, even though it was a woman

00:48:35.000 That that challenged his comfort

00:48:38.000 And, uh, he thinks that that compromised his

00:48:41.000 Um, his confidence in the relationship

00:48:44.000 In his relationship

00:48:45.000 And so, he is recommending to you

00:48:48.000 That you ask her if you can do the same thing

00:48:51.000 But now, here's the problem

00:48:53.000 If a man goes and does the same thing

00:48:56.000 Then the man is out there

00:48:58.000 And he's involved with other men

00:49:00.000 And, that's fine

00:49:03.000 But it's, for some reason

00:49:05.000 There's still this, this thing where it's not as

00:49:07.000 What is that?

00:49:09.000 Excuse me, what is that thing?

00:49:11.000 Because, yeah, if a woman goes out and about

00:49:12.000 And is a, you know, a lick

00:49:15.000 I don't know if they call that a lipstick lesbian

00:49:17.000 But if a woman, if your wife goes out and about

00:49:18.000 And makes out with another woman

00:49:20.000 It doesn't seem as taboo

00:49:22.000 As if your husband goes out and just makes out with another man

00:49:25.000 You know, is it because that, you know, that trying

00:49:31.000 Or, a woman being a lesbian is more

00:49:33.000 Is it because, is it looked at easier?

00:49:40.000 Is it just different?

00:49:42.000 Is it because the sexual act

00:49:44.000 If a man goes out with a, if your husband

00:49:47.000 If a woman's husband were to go out and be with another man

00:49:50.000 That that sexual act is more

00:49:52.000 It's more aggressive

00:49:55.000 Is that what makes it seem more taboo?

00:49:59.000 Because Ryan here is telling

00:50:02.000 Is telling this man

00:50:03.000 Well, ask, ask your wife

00:50:05.000 If you can go be with another man

00:50:07.000 If you can go do the same thing

00:50:09.000 And if she says no

00:50:11.000 Then, then hold her accountable

00:50:14.000 Because what she's doing isn't fair

00:50:16.000 But I'm going to say, you know, Ryan

00:50:20.000 I think it's, you know, that's good advice

00:50:22.000 But then if he goes out and does that

00:50:24.000 He, you know, he has to go

00:50:25.000 What if she says yes?

00:50:26.000 Now he has to go be with another man

00:50:28.000 Just to get even with his wife

00:50:31.000 So now he's out there blowing dudes, you know

00:50:35.000 And just frisking out

00:50:37.000 And some dudes, you know, in, you know

00:50:39.000 In, in some fellas kitchen or whatever

00:50:42.000 Or by candlelight, you know, watching old episodes of Magnum P.I.

00:50:46.000 Or, you know, who knows, you know

00:50:49.000 And he doesn't even want to be

00:50:50.000 He's just trying to get even with his wife

00:50:52.000 That can be a little bit scary

00:50:53.000 So that's another option

00:50:55.000 You can get out there and philander with other men locally

00:50:58.000 In order to make things even with your wife

00:51:00.000 See how she feels

00:51:01.000 And maybe that's not a bad idea

00:51:03.000 You know, bring home a beautiful little

00:51:05.000 You know, a beautiful little Fauntleroy gentleman

00:51:08.000 You know, next time you and your wife

00:51:10.000 Are about to sit down to dinner

00:51:12.000 There's a little at the door

00:51:15.000 And who's that?

00:51:16.000 Oh, that's just my buddy Randall

00:51:17.000 Randall

00:51:20.000 Spelled R-A-N-D-L-E

00:51:23.000 And next thing you know, Randall comes in

00:51:26.000 You know, and he's being wild

00:51:29.000 And he's got a new necklace or something

00:51:31.000 And next thing you know, all of you guys are

00:51:33.000 You know, it's Taco Tuesday

00:51:35.000 But Randall's over there snacking on some taquitos

00:51:39.000 And trying to send your wife a message

00:51:41.000 Snacking on some thick taquitos

00:51:43.000 And trying to send your wife a message

00:51:46.000 Maybe that's how you do it

00:51:47.000 Maybe that's how you show her

00:51:49.000 You know, how it would feel

00:51:51.000 If the pages were turned

00:51:53.000 Let's take another call here

00:51:55.000 Here we go

00:51:57.000 What's this trip you got me on?

00:52:00.000 What's up, brother?

00:52:01.000 My name is Joe

00:52:03.000 I got some advice for this fella

00:52:05.000 That his wife is getting into the dark arts

00:52:07.000 Via the way of the alcohol

00:52:09.000 I guess this is the first time she started drinking

00:52:10.000 And she was straight laced before this happened

00:52:13.000 And then just took a few drinks of alcohol

00:52:15.000 Now this behavior has come about

00:52:17.000 I would suggest that she probably stop, man

00:52:20.000 Because that's a slippery slope, man

00:52:22.000 I can see her in six months down in Tijuana

00:52:24.000 Getting double dicked by two dudes

00:52:26.000 While snorting coke out of a hooker's ass or something

00:52:29.000 You know what I mean?

00:52:31.000 And that's singing Joe right there

00:52:33.000 And singing Joe, that's a deep

00:52:35.000 I mean that's a long...

00:52:36.000 So you're saying if she has a little bit of liquor

00:52:37.000 And next thing you know she's texting ex-boyfriends

00:52:41.000 That's the part that gets me even more

00:52:43.000 Is that she's texting a high school boyfriend

00:52:46.000 You know, you guys are married

00:52:48.000 She's texting a high school boyfriend

00:52:50.000 Dude, I did a comedy show one night

00:52:53.000 And a gal that I dated in high school came

00:52:55.000 And she was with her husband

00:52:57.000 And she got drunk

00:52:58.000 And when she was leaving, when they were leaving

00:53:00.000 She was like reaching for me

00:53:02.000 And I'm no catch

00:53:04.000 First of all, that was my first thought

00:53:07.000 But my second thought was

00:53:10.000 This is awkward

00:53:12.000 Because I felt awkward for the guy

00:53:14.000 And it was only because of the alcohol

00:53:16.000 So yeah, alcohol can have a wild effect

00:53:18.000 It can be a slippery slope

00:53:20.000 Yeah, it's like where does this end

00:53:22.000 At first she's texting her exes

00:53:23.000 And then next thing you know

00:53:25.000 She's gallivanting with local lesbians

00:53:29.000 Then what?

00:53:30.000 What's the next level?

00:53:32.000 You know, she's out there

00:53:34.000 She's, you know, doing

00:53:36.000 Buying kilos

00:53:38.000 Or she's drug muleing

00:53:40.000 For, you know, hardcore lesbians

00:53:42.000 You know, she's doing skateboarding

00:53:45.000 I don't know

00:53:46.000 Who knows, man?

00:53:48.000 A lot of possibilities

00:53:50.000 But yeah, I don't know if she could go that far

00:53:52.000 Where she can end up

00:53:53.000 Down in Tijuana

00:53:55.000 That seems a bit much, Joe

00:53:57.000 So I'm no cartographer

00:53:59.000 But I think that, you know, there's

00:54:01.000 Other more local things could occur

00:54:03.000 Before she ends up down there

00:54:05.000 Caught up like that

00:54:08.000 You know, you made it sound like

00:54:09.000 She's really, really caught up

00:54:10.000 And I must play one more time what you said

00:54:11.000 Slippery slope, man

00:54:12.000 I can see her in six months

00:54:14.000 Down in Tijuana

00:54:15.000 Getting double dicked by two dudes

00:54:17.000 While snorting coke out of a hooker's ass or something

00:54:20.000 Yeah, Joe, and that is really

00:54:22.000 I don't think that that's

00:54:23.000 That's not what I see

00:54:25.000 And I'm no crystal baller

00:54:26.000 But that's not what I see

00:54:27.000 Let's get another call

00:54:28.000 Here we go

00:54:29.000 Hey, Theo, this is Nathan in Anchorage, Alaska

00:54:32.000 Say, I'm calling about the gentleman

00:54:34.000 Whose wife has just started drinking

00:54:37.000 He said he was confused

00:54:39.000 If he's supposed to like, you know, girl-on-girl action

00:54:41.000 Most guys do

00:54:43.000 Well, first off, guys like girl-on-girl action

00:54:45.000 When they are involved

00:54:48.000 That's true

00:54:49.000 Because then all you're thinking about

00:54:50.000 Is being left out

00:54:51.000 It's like looking at pictures of your friends at the beach

00:54:54.000 You know, being at the beach is cool

00:54:55.000 Looking at pictures of your friends at the beach

00:54:57.000 Not as cool

00:54:59.000 But thanks for calling from Alaska, man

00:55:01.000 I like Alaskan

00:55:02.000 I like callers from Alaska

00:55:04.000 Because Alaskans have time to think

00:55:07.000 You know?

00:55:08.000 And Nathan from Alaska

00:55:09.000 He probably

00:55:11.000 I mean, you know

00:55:13.000 Sometimes it's nighttime up there

00:55:15.000 It's nighttime up there for like four months

00:55:18.000 That's crazy

00:55:20.000 If you don't think you have a boogeyman under your bed

00:55:22.000 You're dead

00:55:23.000 You have to

00:55:24.000 Four months, there's no way

00:55:26.000 That the dark arts don't really creep in

00:55:28.000 Creep up over the horizon

00:55:31.000 Nighttime

00:55:32.000 Four months

00:55:36.000 That's got the devil

00:55:38.000 Signature all over the bottom of it

00:55:40.000 Let's hear more, Nathan

00:55:41.000 If he's sitting on the sidelines

00:55:43.000 Watching his wife hook up with other chicks

00:55:45.000 Maybe it's not quite as fun

00:55:47.000 Sounds like her drinking has really escalated

00:55:49.000 She just started drinking

00:55:51.000 Maybe show her the ropes a little bit

00:55:53.000 But you know, you don't want to do 15 Jaeger bombs

00:55:56.000 In 15 minutes

00:55:58.000 Yeah, that could be it

00:56:00.000 You know, that's a way to do it

00:56:01.000 Is to try drinking together

00:56:03.000 I am concerned with why she just started drinking

00:56:07.000 You know, maybe she's just getting a little bit of her

00:56:09.000 Of her college out

00:56:11.000 You know, maybe did she miss that experience?

00:56:13.000 And that's what she's getting into

00:56:16.000 You know, and there's also

00:56:19.000 There's like some adult fun camps

00:56:20.000 That you guys could go to

00:56:21.000 I know it's like a crazy idea maybe

00:56:23.000 But there's like these summer camps

00:56:24.000 You can find online for adults

00:56:26.000 It's like three or four days

00:56:27.000 You fly in

00:56:28.000 And it's like a big party

00:56:29.000 Where everybody gets to have fun

00:56:30.000 There might be some swinging

00:56:32.000 You know, swingers going on

00:56:33.000 I'm not sure

00:56:35.000 But I've seen some photos

00:56:36.000 And some of the people on there

00:56:37.000 Look a little bit like they'd be in the swinging

00:56:38.000 But that could be it

00:56:41.000 You know, that's an option

00:56:43.000 You know, but if she's already

00:56:44.000 She's getting involved in, you know

00:56:45.000 If already she's reaching out

00:56:47.000 You know, like

00:56:48.000 I'm dating your brother's wife

00:56:50.000 It's just

00:56:52.000 It's that

00:56:53.000 What's next?

00:56:55.000 You know?

00:56:57.000 You know, she's snuggling

00:56:58.000 You know, she's sneaking into your grandmother's bed

00:57:00.000 Like what is next, man?

00:57:02.000 You know, she's doing

00:57:04.000 You know, hospice care for your grandmother

00:57:06.000 But taking things to another level

00:57:08.000 Like what's next?

00:57:10.000 So that's...

00:57:11.000 You might want to look into that

00:57:12.000 You might want to look into that

00:57:14.000 But yeah, I'd stay cognizant of what's going on

00:57:19.000 You know?

00:57:21.000 Cause that's pretty...

00:57:22.000 That's a lot

00:57:23.000 You got a lot going on right there

00:57:25.000 You know, but I would communicate with her

00:57:27.000 How you feel

00:57:28.000 So that if she

00:57:30.000 You know, if certain behaviors occur

00:57:33.000 Or continue to occur

00:57:35.000 And she knows how you feel

00:57:37.000 Then at least you're going to have

00:57:41.000 In the...

00:57:42.000 In the court of emotion

00:57:43.000 When you guys discuss stuff

00:57:45.000 You're going to...

00:57:47.000 Your case is going to have

00:57:49.000 Your...

00:57:50.000 A lot of your case will already have been presented along the way

00:57:53.000 You know, so trying to communicate

00:57:55.000 I think could be helpful there

00:57:57.000 But I don't know

00:57:59.000 Yeah, but she started, you know

00:58:01.000 That local lesbianism

00:58:02.000 Man, I remember they had a couple ladies in our town

00:58:05.000 Furniture movers

00:58:07.000 And these were some early lesbians

00:58:08.000 Back in the day

00:58:09.000 A lot of lesbians were in the furniture moving business

00:58:11.000 And antiques

00:58:13.000 Antiquing

00:58:15.000 And they moved it

00:58:16.000 I remember ordering a love seat off the internet

00:58:19.000 And they brought it and

00:58:21.000 They...

00:58:22.000 Or not the internet, off the phone

00:58:23.000 That's when you...

00:58:24.000 Called a number on the...

00:58:25.000 On the television

00:58:26.000 And they brought it over

00:58:27.000 And they ended up moving into our neighborhood

00:58:28.000 They brought some...

00:58:29.000 They bought some drugs and moved into our neighborhood

00:58:31.000 And they...

00:58:33.000 They made love to a couple people's mothers over about the next decade

00:58:36.000 Probably six to eight people's mothers

00:58:38.000 All right

00:58:39.000 But that's all the responses to the calls from last week

00:58:42.000 If you have a...

00:58:43.000 If you have a question

00:58:44.000 A concern

00:58:45.000 Something that's going on in your life

00:58:46.000 You can hit the hotline

00:58:47.000 985-664-9503

00:58:51.000 We're gonna get into just a couple more calls that came in

00:58:54.000 That were not related

00:58:56.000 To that...

00:58:58.000 To that...

00:59:00.000 To that wife...

00:59:01.000 Fiasco that's going on up there

00:59:03.000 Let's get into one of those right now

00:59:04.000 Here we go

00:59:05.000 Theo Vaughn

00:59:06.000 This is Kenneth

00:59:07.000 From Las Vegas, Nevada

00:59:09.000 What's up?

00:59:10.000 Kenneth calling in from Las Vegas

00:59:11.000 That's a sin city

00:59:13.000 And you sound young

00:59:14.000 And who knows how old you'll...

00:59:15.000 How old you'll actually be able to get

00:59:17.000 Growing up there in sin

00:59:18.000 Let's go more

00:59:20.000 I'm in the United States Air Force

00:59:22.000 Thank you for your service

00:59:24.000 I just wanted to know your thoughts

00:59:26.000 On...

00:59:28.000 Gambling

00:59:29.000 I'm down a couple hundred

00:59:31.000 Want to know...

00:59:33.000 Should I keep doing it?

00:59:34.000 Is it...

00:59:36.000 Something bad that I'm in?

00:59:38.000 But man...

00:59:39.000 Let me tell you...

00:59:41.000 I think I should...

00:59:42.000 I wanna hit the big money

00:59:44.000 I wanna hit it...

00:59:45.000 Not just for me, but for everybody

00:59:47.000 I wanna get your opinion on the dark arts of gambling

00:59:51.000 Well, first of all, Kenneth...

00:59:54.000 Thanks...

00:59:55.000 Second of all...

00:59:57.000 You...

00:59:58.000 You said should I...

00:59:59.000 You're down a couple hundred, should I?

01:00:00.000 And then I love the fact that you immediately think you should

01:00:03.000 That's obvious...

01:00:05.000 You're obviously at the casino right now

01:00:08.000 And have ducked off to the side to make the call

01:00:11.000 And...

01:00:12.000 Look man...

01:00:14.000 Gambling's fun...

01:00:16.000 Dude, gambling is fun...

01:00:17.000 I was at the casino playing craps one time in New Orleans

01:00:20.000 And I won, I think, probably about $1,100

01:00:22.000 And I bought bathing suits for everybody at the craps table

01:00:25.000 Everybody got a...

01:00:27.000 Everybody got a bathing suit

01:00:29.000 You know, and a buddy of mine...

01:00:31.000 Another time bought an iron

01:00:33.000 Bought a clothing iron for everybody

01:00:35.000 Everybody at the table got an iron

01:00:37.000 So there's a lot of good opportunities in casinos

01:00:39.000 But you said...

01:00:41.000 This is my favorite part of your call right here

01:00:42.000 Let's hear it

01:00:44.000 Something bad that I'm in?

01:00:46.000 But man...

01:00:48.000 Let me tell you...

01:00:49.000 I think I should...

01:00:51.000 I wanna hit the big money...

01:00:52.000 I wanna hit it...

01:00:53.000 Not just for me, but for everybody

01:00:55.000 Yeah, that's a cool excuse

01:00:57.000 I wanna hit the big money not just for me...

01:00:59.000 But for everybody

01:01:01.000 For who?

01:01:02.000 For America?

01:01:03.000 For who?

01:01:04.000 Who are you talking about?

01:01:05.000 Everybody?

01:01:06.000 Those people are probably asleep

01:01:07.000 It sounded like this was at the middle of the night

01:01:10.000 You know, gambling

01:01:11.000 Look, if you can have fun with it, that's fine

01:01:13.000 If you wake up tomorrow morning

01:01:14.000 And you have to go gamble again

01:01:15.000 It might be an issue

01:01:18.000 You know, I think you just have to look at your own track record

01:01:20.000 Only you know if you got a problem

01:01:22.000 But gambling...

01:01:24.000 Gambling can be risky, man

01:01:26.000 I'll tell you this...

01:01:27.000 I'll tell you this gambling story

01:01:29.000 I saw a dude one time at a party, right?

01:01:32.000 And...

01:01:34.000 And he bet this hot girl

01:01:37.000 He bet her

01:01:39.000 He said, if I let your friend

01:01:41.000 The hot chick's friend was a man

01:01:43.000 And he was a gay male

01:01:45.000 He said, if I let your friend give me a blowjob

01:01:48.000 Will you have sex with me?

01:01:51.000 And the girl said, yes

01:01:54.000 If you let my friend give you a blowjob

01:01:56.000 I'll have sex with you

01:01:58.000 So then the dude

01:02:00.000 Lets the gay guy give him a blowjob

01:02:02.000 Then the girl

01:02:04.000 Bails out of the fucking deal

01:02:06.000 So...

01:02:07.000 I mean, that's what you get for gambling, you know?

01:02:13.000 What are you gonna do?

01:02:15.000 You know?

01:02:16.000 You placed your bet

01:02:18.000 And...

01:02:20.000 I'm not gonna say you lost

01:02:21.000 I mean, you got a blowjob out of it

01:02:23.000 That's what the guy got

01:02:25.000 But...

01:02:26.000 Not from who he wanted

01:02:27.000 So it's just risky

01:02:28.000 Gambling's risky, man

01:02:29.000 So if you wanna gamble

01:02:30.000 You go on

01:02:31.000 But you be careful

01:02:32.000 That's all I'm saying

01:02:34.000 We got another call that came in here

01:02:35.000 And this is from Ben

01:02:37.000 He wants to know

01:02:39.000 It's about a stalker

01:02:40.000 Let's hear it

01:02:41.000 Yo, Theo

01:02:42.000 What's up, man?

01:02:43.000 My name is Ben

01:02:44.000 And I got a

01:02:45.000 Little bit of a situation here

01:02:47.000 This girl

01:02:48.000 I've been seeing her for a while now

01:02:49.000 And she's cool

01:02:50.000 We got this thing going on

01:02:51.000 We're...

01:02:52.000 We're doing our thing

01:02:53.000 It's not like...

01:02:54.000 Exclusive or nothing

01:02:55.000 But we get down and all that

01:02:56.000 Okay, gang gang, man

01:02:57.000 You got that

01:02:58.000 Let's hear more

01:02:59.000 We've been going on for probably eight months now

01:03:02.000 Something like that

01:03:03.000 That's pretty crispy, dude

01:03:04.000 Eight months, bruh

01:03:05.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:03:06.000 That's real stuff

01:03:07.000 Dude, in some places that's a marriage

01:03:09.000 If you guys die in a month

01:03:10.000 That's...

01:03:11.000 You know, that's...

01:03:13.000 Well, it didn't really pertain to it

01:03:14.000 But still, eight months is a long time

01:03:16.000 Let's hear more

01:03:17.000 And she recently told me

01:03:20.000 That she's got a little bit of a stalking situation

01:03:24.000 And not exactly a little bit

01:03:26.000 Because the dude is literally like

01:03:28.000 Outside her door every day

01:03:31.000 She wakes up and he is just there

01:03:34.000 Hmm...

01:03:36.000 He wakes...

01:03:37.000 She wakes up and he's just there?

01:03:38.000 And he's not a roommate, huh?

01:03:40.000 Let's hear more

01:03:41.000 It's kind of awkward

01:03:42.000 Because we all kind of go to the same school

01:03:44.000 And he's in one of her classes

01:03:47.000 And it's been going...

01:03:49.000 Apparently this has been going on for like

01:03:51.000 Nine months or so

01:03:53.000 And she said she tried to like

01:03:54.000 Twitch up her roots last year

01:03:56.000 And all that

01:03:57.000 And he still somehow found a way to find her

01:04:01.000 This is the first time I'm hearing about it

01:04:03.000 Hey, stalker's gonna stalk, you know?

01:04:05.000 I mean, if he...

01:04:06.000 He's obviously good at what he does

01:04:07.000 You have to respect that a little bit

01:04:10.000 You don't want one of these weak ass stalkers

01:04:12.000 That's kind of, you know...

01:04:13.000 Well, maybe you do want a weak ass stalker

01:04:17.000 Let's hear more about it

01:04:19.000 And I guess she thought she could handle it on her own

01:04:22.000 And then she finally came to me

01:04:24.000 You know, should I have fucked this dude up?

01:04:27.000 Or...

01:04:28.000 I don't really want to start a fight

01:04:29.000 Because I don't want to get in trouble with the school

01:04:31.000 Right, you don't want to get in trouble with the school

01:04:32.000 And I'm just...

01:04:33.000 I'm cutting that call there

01:04:34.000 But look, you got a stalker

01:04:36.000 A couple of things...

01:04:37.000 A couple of ways to go about it

01:04:39.000 You know, if you fight a stalker

01:04:41.000 I mean, it's just gonna...

01:04:43.000 You know, he's obviously a sick guy

01:04:45.000 There's something wrong there

01:04:46.000 So maybe even having a conversation with him

01:04:49.000 You know, maybe saying

01:04:51.000 Look, guy, what's going on?

01:04:53.000 You know, like...

01:04:55.000 I'm not angry at you

01:04:56.000 I don't think you're a bad person

01:04:58.000 But this is what's going on

01:05:00.000 This is how it plays to us

01:05:02.000 And it makes us feel uncomfortable

01:05:04.000 You know, like...

01:05:06.000 I'm trying to have a relationship with this girl

01:05:08.000 And you're trying to fucking...

01:05:10.000 You know, hang out in the garden

01:05:11.000 And looking through the windows

01:05:13.000 And it's not...

01:05:14.000 We're not working conducively together

01:05:17.000 So maybe just being real with him about it

01:05:19.000 You know, talking about it like that

01:05:21.000 Now, if he continues to escalate

01:05:23.000 Now, you said your girl might want to fight him

01:05:25.000 That's probably a better way to go

01:05:27.000 Than by you slipping in and fighting him

01:05:29.000 So at least that way, you know, it's her...

01:05:33.000 Because these days, you know

01:05:35.000 A woman can beat up a stalker

01:05:37.000 And that's nothing

01:05:39.000 I mean, that's like...

01:05:40.000 Nothing's gonna happen to anybody

01:05:41.000 You know, not to her

01:05:43.000 I mean, it's carte blanche on stalkers right now

01:05:45.000 Every stalker's getting their ass whipped by...

01:05:48.000 You know, a lot of women are kickboxing and everything

01:05:49.000 Just to beat up stalkers

01:05:51.000 So, if you even used to stalk

01:05:53.000 And don't anymore

01:05:54.000 And have moved on from it

01:05:55.000 And even started your own family

01:05:57.000 Women are gonna track you down

01:05:58.000 Probably and beat your ass now

01:05:59.000 Because they can

01:06:00.000 It's that time

01:06:01.000 Time's up for stalkers

01:06:03.000 So, I would, you know

01:06:05.000 I would talk to the guy

01:06:06.000 And then if it still escalates

01:06:08.000 I would have your chick fight him

01:06:11.000 That's what I would do

01:06:12.000 Appreciate you calling though

01:06:15.000 Let's...

01:06:16.000 Let's hit this call right here

01:06:17.000 Here we go

01:06:19.000 Hey, yo, Theo, man

01:06:20.000 This is Mickey

01:06:21.000 Calling from Seattle

01:06:23.000 So here's my situation, man

01:06:25.000 I'm 30 years old

01:06:27.000 Thanks for calling in, Mickey from Seattle

01:06:29.000 And I will actually be up in

01:06:31.000 In Seattle or Tacoma next...

01:06:34.000 In a couple of weeks

01:06:36.000 Next month, I think

01:06:37.000 Onward

01:06:38.000 And I'm currently at the end stage

01:06:41.000 Of a lung disease

01:06:43.000 Now, my current lungs

01:06:44.000 Don't have very long left

01:06:46.000 Probably about two and a half years

01:06:48.000 Hopefully, we can stretch them out

01:06:50.000 But...

01:06:51.000 The silver lining is that

01:06:53.000 I'm gonna be soon

01:06:55.000 On the lung transplant list

01:06:57.000 I'm hoping

01:06:58.000 I'm gonna get listed

01:06:59.000 Wow, man, congratulations on that

01:07:01.000 So you got two and a half...

01:07:03.000 You got two and a half...

01:07:04.000 You got two and a half years left

01:07:05.000 Tanks you got in you now

01:07:07.000 And then you gotta...

01:07:08.000 You're gonna get on the transplant list

01:07:09.000 That's beautiful

01:07:11.000 When I was young

01:07:12.000 My sister was born with like a rare disease

01:07:14.000 Called biliary atresia

01:07:16.000 And she got a liver transplant

01:07:17.000 When I was 14

01:07:19.000 But I remember being young

01:07:21.000 And we...

01:07:23.000 We spent a lot of time

01:07:24.000 Filling out these envelopes

01:07:25.000 And mailing them off to strangers

01:07:26.000 To get them...

01:07:28.000 To donate money

01:07:29.000 To get that liver

01:07:31.000 You know, cause you gotta get that liver

01:07:32.000 And I remember getting pissed even

01:07:34.000 Because I...

01:07:35.000 You know, there'd be shit

01:07:36.000 I didn't get shit for Christmas or whatever

01:07:38.000 And I'd be pissed

01:07:39.000 And my sister was gonna get a liver

01:07:40.000 And I wasn't getting...

01:07:41.000 You know, some fucking new BK nights

01:07:42.000 Or some...

01:07:43.000 You know, some type of bullshit

01:07:44.000 Or some socks or whatever

01:07:45.000 Onward

01:07:46.000 Which will give me a few more years

01:07:48.000 To figure this whole thing out

01:07:50.000 And it's been a really difficult time

01:07:53.000 And I've been single through it

01:07:55.000 My question to you, man, is

01:07:57.000 During this difficult time

01:07:58.000 That's really ruined my confidence

01:08:01.000 I wanted to ask you and the viewers

01:08:04.000 What they think...

01:08:06.000 What are some good steps that I can take

01:08:08.000 To start boosting my confidence

01:08:10.000 And my self-worth

01:08:12.000 To be able to start getting back out there

01:08:14.000 And start talking to girls again

01:08:17.000 Damn, boy

01:08:20.000 Freaking no-lung Mickey

01:08:21.000 Out there in the universe

01:08:24.000 You know, he got that last...

01:08:25.000 He got a, you know, a couple years left

01:08:26.000 On them lungs

01:08:27.000 And he's trying to...

01:08:29.000 Inhale a little bit of love

01:08:30.000 Into his life, it sounds like

01:08:33.000 Man, that's brave, you know

01:08:35.000 That's ballsy

01:08:36.000 You know, cause a lot of people

01:08:37.000 They got a couple years left

01:08:38.000 They could...

01:08:39.000 And it's obviously...

01:08:40.000 It sounds to me...

01:08:41.000 It's obvious you're looking for a little bit of love

01:08:42.000 A little bit of that aorta pump

01:08:45.000 You know...

01:08:46.000 You're trying to get that hitter up in your systole and diastole

01:08:49.000 Because...

01:08:51.000 If he's looking for sex

01:08:52.000 You can get sex

01:08:53.000 You go to backpage.com

01:08:55.000 You go to eros.net

01:08:57.000 You go to freesalmon.net

01:08:59.000 And get sex if you want it

01:09:01.000 But obviously you're looking for love

01:09:03.000 So that's it, you know what

01:09:05.000 Maybe we leave...

01:09:06.000 Look, guys, if you have advice for Tom

01:09:07.000 This dude's got two and a half years left on his lungs

01:09:09.000 And I'm guessing if you don't get new lungs

01:09:13.000 You know...

01:09:14.000 It's a breather's ball game out here in the universe

01:09:17.000 And I'm not trying to be cold to you

01:09:18.000 But you probably know it better than anybody

01:09:19.000 Tomcat

01:09:21.000 Or Mickey...

01:09:22.000 Sorry, I don't know why I called you Tomcat

01:09:24.000 Because I wasn't paying attention to my own thoughts

01:09:26.000 But Mickey, it's a...

01:09:28.000 You know...

01:09:29.000 It's a breather's game out here

01:09:30.000 And if you ain't breathing...

01:09:32.000 You out

01:09:34.000 And I hope that doesn't happen for you, man

01:09:35.000 But...

01:09:36.000 And what I would like to do is...

01:09:37.000 I would like to ask our callers if you have advice

01:09:39.000 Mickey's got a couple years left

01:09:41.000 You know...

01:09:42.000 He's got them terminal lungs

01:09:44.000 Dude's got...

01:09:45.000 You know...

01:09:46.000 He's coming in light in the lungs

01:09:48.000 And what do you suggest for him?

01:09:51.000 You know...

01:09:52.000 How do you meet a lady?

01:09:54.000 Some girls might think it's cool

01:09:56.000 You're not even going to be around for a long time

01:09:58.000 You know...

01:09:59.000 Damn, that's dark...

01:10:00.000 I'm sorry...

01:10:01.000 I guess I'm feeling kind of maybe a little bit dark

01:10:02.000 But...

01:10:03.000 That might be a good pickup strategy

01:10:04.000 You know...

01:10:05.000 Guess what?

01:10:07.000 You know...

01:10:08.000 You only got to date me for a couple years

01:10:10.000 You know...

01:10:11.000 Like...

01:10:12.000 Maybe lay down some money on your life insurance

01:10:14.000 And...

01:10:15.000 You know...

01:10:16.000 Hit a lady up that way

01:10:17.000 It's a dark take...

01:10:18.000 But I think these days...

01:10:20.000 If a woman has a sense of humor...

01:10:21.000 She's gonna...

01:10:22.000 She'll like that...

01:10:24.000 You know...

01:10:25.000 Cause women want that rescue...

01:10:26.000 And you got that rescue right now

01:10:27.000 You have that rescue...

01:10:28.000 That's all over you...

01:10:30.000 You know...

01:10:31.000 Women want that...

01:10:32.000 They want that man on that transplant list...

01:10:34.000 They want that man who's...

01:10:36.000 You know...

01:10:37.000 You know...

01:10:38.000 Maybe is...

01:10:39.000 You know...

01:10:40.000 On a...

01:10:41.000 You know...

01:10:42.000 Having a kidney issue...

01:10:43.000 Or something...

01:10:44.000 You know...

01:10:45.000 Has been in a...

01:10:46.000 You know...

01:10:47.000 A fire or something...

01:10:48.000 Women are intrigued by that...

01:10:49.000 They want that rescue...

01:10:50.000 It's in their blood...

01:10:51.000 To want to help...

01:10:52.000 So I think you're gonna have that going for you...

01:10:54.000 Um...

01:10:56.000 But how do you boost that confidence...

01:10:58.000 Yeah...

01:10:58.160 That's wild...

01:10:59.000 You know...

01:11:00.400 That's really...

01:11:01.000 Really wild...

01:11:02.000 Um...

01:11:03.000 But I think it probably comes back to...

01:11:05.000 How do we all boost our confidence...

01:11:07.000 And part of it is just...

01:11:10.000 You know...

01:11:11.000 I don't know if maybe some women have let you down...

01:11:13.000 Or made you feel...

01:11:14.000 Bad because of this issue...

01:11:15.000 But if they have...

01:11:16.000 Man...

01:11:16.500 You gotta get back on there...

01:11:18.000 And just keep trying...

01:11:20.000 You know...

01:11:21.000 It's just like last week...

01:11:23.100 When I didn't even know if I wanted to...

01:11:24.320 You know...

01:11:24.540 I couldn't do it...

01:11:25.320 But I just...

01:11:27.000 You know...

01:11:27.680 Came back this week...

01:11:29.580 You know...

01:11:30.740 I had to freaking strap my lungs back in...

01:11:33.820 Get back into the studio...

01:11:36.000 But I can say this...

01:11:37.540 Man...

01:11:37.660 I'm gonna be up in Seattle...

01:11:38.740 Up in your area...

01:11:39.460 In Tacoma...

01:11:40.240 Let me look and see when I am...

01:11:41.800 Maybe we can find you a date...

01:11:44.000 What about that?

01:11:44.740 That's a good idea...

01:11:46.000 I'll be up there...

01:11:48.000 In...

01:11:49.660 March 15th...

01:11:50.980 And 16th...

01:11:51.800 I'll be in Tacoma...

01:11:53.080 At the comedy club...

01:11:54.480 So ladies...

01:11:55.180 If there's anybody that lives in Seattle...

01:11:56.740 Or if you're a man...

01:11:57.860 And you have a friend that lives out there...

01:11:59.160 That might be interested in meeting a guy like Tom...

01:12:01.840 You know...

01:12:02.740 That ticking Tom bomb...

01:12:04.660 Because that dude only got so much time...

01:12:07.160 Oh...

01:12:07.440 It's not even Tom...

01:12:08.240 His name's fucking Mickey...

01:12:09.480 Damn...

01:12:11.360 Fuck dude...

01:12:12.120 Sorry bro...

01:12:13.020 Well look bro...

01:12:14.660 Who cares what your name is dude?

01:12:17.440 You know what I'm saying?

01:12:18.320 It's not about your name...

01:12:19.760 It's about...

01:12:20.960 You know...

01:12:23.060 That you...

01:12:25.280 Have bad lungs...

01:12:26.340 And that this is...

01:12:27.100 You know...

01:12:27.480 What are you gonna do?

01:12:29.020 And I'm gonna try to boost your confidence a little bit...

01:12:31.420 By saying let's catch up when I'm out there in Tacoma...

01:12:33.740 And let's get you a date...

01:12:35.220 That's fucking tricky Mickey dude...

01:12:38.100 You know...

01:12:39.220 He's got them tricky airbags inside of him...

01:12:41.840 You know...

01:12:43.000 He's got two and a half years left on his lungs...

01:12:44.840 He's got them leased...

01:12:45.640 He's got them leased lungs...

01:12:46.840 You know...

01:12:48.480 And I had a bad lease on a car a couple years back...

01:12:50.940 And it's not the same thing but...

01:12:53.020 You know...

01:12:53.380 You only get so...

01:12:53.900 I only got so many miles...

01:12:54.900 I can only drive...

01:12:55.580 I got 4,000 miles a year...

01:12:58.300 On a lease...

01:12:59.480 And Jesus...

01:13:01.300 It...

01:13:01.740 It was miserable...

01:13:03.440 I remember pushing...

01:13:04.400 Sometimes I would have to push my car...

01:13:06.820 To get to where I was going...

01:13:09.240 To not have that odometer rack up...

01:13:12.040 And...

01:13:12.740 Because it's expensive...

01:13:14.660 But yeah...

01:13:15.300 Let's see if you have any ideas for Tom...

01:13:16.760 For boosting his confidence...

01:13:17.880 When he's under the gun of physical impairments...

01:13:20.080 I know we got a boy down there in Alabama...

01:13:21.780 Who doesn't have a leg...

01:13:22.840 And he stays confident...

01:13:24.660 And I'd love to see maybe what his thoughts are...

01:13:26.720 If he doesn't mind hitting the hotline again...

01:13:28.780 If you have an impairment...

01:13:30.800 And you deal with the confidence...

01:13:33.660 But you got some ideas for my boy...

01:13:35.540 Why don't you hit us up and let us know...

01:13:37.660 And we'll see if we can't help him out...

01:13:39.660 That's exactly what I'm thinking right there...

01:13:43.840 Let's take this one last call...

01:13:46.660 Right here...

01:13:48.420 And this is from Tom...

01:13:50.260 Here we go...

01:13:51.080 Hey Theo...

01:13:51.500 It's your boy Tom from rural North Carolina...

01:13:53.420 I've been kind of dabbling in the dark arts recently...

01:13:55.960 And this is dark artist Tom...

01:13:57.340 From rural North Carolina...

01:13:59.020 And I do remember you Tom...

01:14:00.480 Early caller from the beginning of the show...

01:14:02.640 Thank you...

01:14:03.300 I've been talking to this chick online...

01:14:05.060 Super cool...

01:14:05.820 But she's got a boyfriend...

01:14:07.820 And I'm a single guy...

01:14:09.140 So there's nothing wrong with me...

01:14:10.100 But the amount of time she spends texting me...

01:14:12.360 And talking to me...

01:14:13.340 And Snapchatting me...

01:14:14.960 And there's nothing like...

01:14:16.140 It's a little flirty...

01:14:17.040 But it's nothing like sexual...

01:14:18.340 It's nothing super promiscuous...

01:14:20.060 I think if her boyfriend saw the stuff...

01:14:22.760 I don't think he'd be thrilled...

01:14:24.140 I don't know what I'm doing is right...

01:14:25.540 Like...

01:14:26.460 I really like the girl a lot...

01:14:27.680 I think she really likes me a lot...

01:14:29.420 A little bit more than just casual friends...

01:14:31.420 She's not happy with her current boyfriend...

01:14:33.460 But she's not necessarily looking to leave...

01:14:35.220 And am I doing the right thing with doing this...

01:14:37.140 And if she's doing it to this guy...

01:14:38.560 You know...

01:14:38.840 Will she turn around and do it to me later...

01:14:40.220 Or...

01:14:40.900 I kind of feel shitty doing this to this dude...

01:14:43.180 Okay...

01:14:43.940 So you're texting a guy's girlfriend...

01:14:45.940 You know...

01:14:49.000 I'm going to tell you...

01:14:51.140 Here's what I'll say...

01:14:53.160 If you get murdered...

01:14:54.940 By this guy...

01:14:58.160 A lot of people aren't going to feel that sorry for you...

01:15:01.100 You know...

01:15:02.880 It's risky...

01:15:03.940 You know...

01:15:04.360 You're fulfilling a need...

01:15:05.560 But you're not...

01:15:06.940 You know...

01:15:08.180 You're not standing up for yourself...

01:15:09.940 If it's just...

01:15:10.940 It's just...

01:15:11.540 It's just risky man...

01:15:13.340 You don't know that dude...

01:15:14.420 You don't know what he's into...

01:15:16.300 You don't know how much he...

01:15:17.900 You know...

01:15:18.140 He might have anger towards his...

01:15:19.580 He might have anger towards her...

01:15:20.780 He'll take that out on you...

01:15:21.660 If he finds out...

01:15:23.140 You know...

01:15:23.760 It's risky...

01:15:24.980 It's risky dude...

01:15:27.140 So I don't know what to tell you...

01:15:28.720 But I think you probably know what to tell yourself...

01:15:32.980 You know...

01:15:34.040 If you're texting some man's girlfriend...

01:15:36.320 Just even saying that...

01:15:38.860 Sound it out...

01:15:39.600 I'm texting some man's girlfriend...

01:15:41.580 If that dude shows up...

01:15:43.900 And wants to bake me...

01:15:45.740 A...

01:15:46.140 A...

01:15:46.640 A...

01:15:47.320 A brisket...

01:15:49.520 Made out of my own ass...

01:15:51.320 I can't be surprised dude...

01:15:53.940 When that dude warms my ass up with his fists...

01:15:57.000 When that dude beats my ass...

01:16:00.200 So...

01:16:00.700 Be safe out there Tom...

01:16:01.660 That's all I can tell you bro...

01:16:02.960 Because it's dangerous...

01:16:03.760 It's ain't no game...

01:16:05.160 That's like little Kenneth out there...

01:16:06.740 Gambling...

01:16:07.820 Out there down 200...

01:16:09.000 Wanting to win money for America...

01:16:10.980 You know...

01:16:12.980 When people's out here having to...

01:16:15.380 Doing...

01:16:15.980 You know...

01:16:16.220 Getting blowjobs from...

01:16:17.820 You know...

01:16:18.540 People of the same sex...

01:16:19.840 When they don't...

01:16:20.220 That's not what they planned on...

01:16:21.860 The dark arts abound Tom...

01:16:23.980 And if you don't believe that...

01:16:25.980 Then I don't know what to tell you...

01:16:31.360 But if you guys got some advice for Mickey...

01:16:34.360 Then hit us up on that...

01:16:35.960 And uh...

01:16:36.620 Oh how ironic...

01:16:37.800 That I kept messing up the name Tom...

01:16:39.300 And then a Tom actually was our last caller today...

01:16:41.960 But thank you guys for supporting the podcast...

01:16:44.960 Um...

01:16:45.460 You can find all the dates at...

01:16:46.940 Theovon.com slash tour...

01:16:48.500 Um...

01:16:48.780 You can find...

01:16:49.500 Uh...

01:16:49.900 Links below...

01:16:51.180 And uh...

01:16:51.840 And we'll be back on Monday...

01:16:52.980 With a little bit of the state of the podcast address...

01:16:55.340 And uh...

01:16:57.400 And that's it man...

01:16:58.260 I want to thank...

01:16:59.020 Uh...

01:16:59.300 Stevie Starlight...

01:16:59.940 For hitting us up with that hitter out the gate today...

01:17:02.780 Let's...

01:17:02.940 Take it away again...

01:17:04.940 We're back...

01:17:08.920 Look...

01:17:09.980 If last week didn't go great for you...

01:17:12.920 Come back...

01:17:14.920 Make that bounce back...

01:17:17.120 Know what I'm saying?

01:17:19.240 Onward...

01:17:21.040 We're back...

01:17:27.360 This is for all the dudes out there...

01:17:29.920 Accidentally blow...

01:17:34.000 Getting blowjobs from other dudes...

01:17:36.400 Just to try to meet a woman...

01:17:44.000 For all the gents out there...

01:17:47.000 Who don't even have any lungs...

01:17:52.700 And they're just trying to meet a woman...

01:17:56.000 Just trying to get one more hit of love...

01:18:04.000 Fantasy...

01:18:05.840 You want that love...

01:18:06.560 You just gotta open your window sometimes...

01:18:08.340 Baby...

01:18:08.780 Make it on the wall...

01:18:10.280 And you just gotta...

01:18:11.280 You gotta say...

01:18:13.000 It's never too late...

01:18:15.000 It's never too late...

01:18:17.000 To come over...

01:18:21.000 Time slips away...

01:18:25.000 From you and me now...

01:18:27.000 Let that love into your universe...

01:18:29.000 Reverse baby...

01:18:31.000 So don't hesitate...

01:18:33.780 To come over...

01:18:36.520 It's never too late...

01:18:38.000 To let love come over...

01:18:41.000 To let forgiveness come over...

01:18:43.000 It's never too late...

01:18:47.000 To turn your anger into hope...

01:18:51.000 It's on us, man...

01:18:54.000 Alright, man...

01:18:56.000 You guys be good to yourselves...

01:18:57.220 I'll see you on Monday's episode...

01:18:58.540 Thank you guys...

01:18:59.560 For all the nice support this past week...

01:19:01.380 Man, I needed it...

01:19:02.300 And I'm back...

01:19:03.000 Ladies and gentlemen...

01:19:07.900 I'm Jonathan Kite...

01:19:09.000 And welcome to Kite Club...

01:19:10.500 A podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts...

01:19:12.480 On things like current events...

01:19:14.120 Stand-up stories...

01:19:15.360 And seven ways to pleasure your partner...

01:19:17.920 The answer may shock you...

01:19:19.500 Sometimes I'll interview my friends...

01:19:21.720 Sometimes I won't...

01:19:23.240 And as always...

01:19:24.260 I'll be joined by the voices in my head...

01:19:26.320 You have three new voice messages...

01:19:29.220 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club...

01:19:32.220 I've been talking about Kite Club...

01:19:34.040 For so long...

01:19:34.900 Longer than anybody else...

01:19:36.540 So great...

01:19:37.900 Aye...

01:19:38.540 Sweetie...

01:19:39.500 Here's a deal...

01:19:40.900 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club...

01:19:42.980 Is a dodgy bloody wanker...

01:19:44.820 Jermaine...

01:19:45.780 Hi...

01:19:46.980 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese...

01:19:48.900 And a McFlurry...

01:19:49.920 Sorry, sir...

01:19:50.400 But our ice cream machine is broken...

01:19:51.980 Oh-ho-ho...

01:19:53.260 No...

01:19:54.160 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me...

01:19:56.680 Anyway...

01:19:57.500 First rule of Kite Club is...

01:19:59.120 Tell everyone about Kite Club...

01:20:00.860 Second rule of Kite Club is...

01:20:02.860 Tell everyone about Kite Club...

01:20:05.120 Third rule...

01:20:06.040 Like and subscribe...

01:20:07.060 Wherever you listen to podcasts...

01:20:08.780 Or...

01:20:09.220 Watch us on YouTube...

01:20:10.240 Yeah?

01:20:10.880 And yes...

01:20:11.460 Don't worry...

01:20:12.180 My Brad Pitt impression will get better...

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - February 01, 2018

Fear ｜ This Past Weekend #71

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