This Past Weekend with Theo Von - First Time for Everything ｜ This Past Weekend #205

00:00:00.140 Man, I'm trying to watch this Game of Thrones, and man, these guys, they just, I mean, they

00:00:10.260 cannot get along, really.

00:00:12.260 Or the women. 0.99

00:00:14.860 Or the women. 0.99

00:00:16.560 So, I just don't even know what to think anymore.

00:00:21.620 I mean, it's just swords and pedophilia, and they don't even, and what about all the candles

00:00:29.000 that are lit?

00:00:30.000 Do you even notice that?

00:00:32.060 Every set, every, they got 2,000, they got nine candles everywhere.

00:00:38.700 Somebody's getting murdered, and they got three candles behind them.

00:00:42.720 Who's putting them out?

00:00:43.920 You never see anybody, you know, doing like a little bit of fire safety or something.

00:00:49.760 Protocol.

00:00:50.680 Whatever.

00:00:51.480 I gotta, I gotta quit worrying about some of this stuff.

00:00:54.560 Every night, I feel like a fake.

00:01:08.720 Every night, I lie.

00:01:11.940 Every night, I lie.

00:01:14.340 Every night, I lie away.

00:01:17.780 Every night, I feel like a fake.

00:01:20.780 I put on a show.

00:01:22.780 Knowing nobody will go.

00:01:24.860 You were me.

00:01:25.860 You were me.

00:01:29.860 Every night, you sleep.

00:01:32.800 Every night, I don't play a peep.

00:01:38.080 Steal your things, let you know.

00:01:40.320 But you still don't believe.

00:01:45.540 That it was me.

00:01:50.140 It was me.

00:01:52.220 Every night, I lie awake.

00:02:00.320 I feel like a fake.

00:02:01.740 I put on a show.

00:02:04.460 That is Jameson Flood.

00:02:09.320 Like the water.

00:02:12.240 I don't know if you ever had too much to drink.

00:02:15.620 And that's similar to a flood, but it's different.

00:02:20.040 Good to be here with you guys.

00:02:24.880 Thank you for joining me.

00:02:26.460 And thank you for allowing me to be here with you.

00:02:29.200 What's up?

00:02:30.900 I'm here.

00:02:31.640 You're here.

00:02:33.720 Sometimes I feel like this.

00:02:35.200 Like I'm just leaving you a voicemail.

00:02:36.840 And it's just like a really long one.

00:02:40.960 Like I'm just that chatty VM dropper.

00:02:45.040 It is, it is right now.

00:02:47.380 It is Monday, June 10.

00:02:50.040 The 10 of June.

00:02:53.220 So if you see somebody tomorrow and they say, well, what date is it?

00:02:57.040 You say, well, it's the 10 of June.

00:02:59.500 It's the 10 of June.

00:03:03.360 And we are coming up, I believe, on the summer solstice.

00:03:06.260 And that's when summer really, really starts to heat things up.

00:03:11.740 And the planets like all agree that it's summer.

00:03:15.260 They kind of line up in the sun and the moon.

00:03:17.360 And it's because there's always a couple, you know.

00:03:21.580 They always got a planet or two, you know, Pluto, you know, a couple of Jupiter's moons or whatever that are always like, ah, you know, it's not summer.

00:03:32.720 It's not really summer.

00:03:35.220 It's, you know, we're doing this.

00:03:38.400 A couple holdouts.

00:03:39.780 But when that solstice lines up, when that summer solstice, June 22nd, that's the equinox.

00:03:48.640 When it lines up, that's when it's summer says, that's the grilling. 0.98

00:03:51.980 That's the time that summer really will fucking grill your meat. 1.00

00:03:54.700 That's when that fire comes straight out of the sun and just, it'll get you. 0.98

00:04:00.960 It will get you.

00:04:02.080 If you're trying to get rid of a spouse or something, that is a good time to, you know, to leave them in the yard.

00:04:12.140 So, but let's don't think about that.

00:04:15.700 I'm going to let you know that today's episode is brought to you by Blue Chew.

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00:04:25.060 It was a blueberry chewing tobacco.

00:04:28.400 And so, you know, you know, chewing tobacco and blueberries, nothing will really give you, I mean, that'll make your stomach just howl right out of your buttocks. 0.94

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00:05:02.500 This is something for the bedroom. 0.53

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00:07:20.800 Oh, what's going on?

00:07:30.680 Oh, I had jet lag.

00:07:33.360 I had jet lag.

00:07:35.780 Look, I didn't think jet lag was that real.

00:07:37.880 I'll be in the middle of a mouthful of potatoes, you know, or patats, and I shut down.

00:07:47.080 Like somebody pressed the power button on me while I was patatting, and I will just shut down.

00:07:55.580 Jet lag will bring a man.

00:07:58.080 I mean, it'll make your ankles roll right out of your feet. 0.98

00:08:00.700 It'll just, it's a real thing.

00:08:04.140 And I think it's something we can start to find a way to use on our enemies.

00:08:07.620 A little bit of jet lag.

00:08:11.040 But what do I know?

00:08:13.600 We got a, you know, I'm happy to be here with you.

00:08:16.720 What's going on with me?

00:08:19.000 What's going on, man? 0.85

00:08:20.100 Honestly, dude, I hurt my freaking back.

00:08:23.020 I was putting a shirt on, and it wasn't even a strong shirt or a thick shirt. 0.64

00:08:29.580 I was putting on a mediocre, you know, a mediocre shirt.

00:08:35.560 And I came out, my head came out the neck hole, and it came out like at an angle, and I hurt my back and my neck.

00:08:45.040 So I've been just kind of real limited edition all week.

00:08:48.840 I've been having to lay ice, lay on ice in my bed.

00:08:52.440 I'll get me a couple trays of ice, and I get my, I got a beach towel.

00:08:59.200 And a beach towel, somebody really, that's marketing.

00:09:03.640 Because a towel, you could do anything with a towel.

00:09:07.240 Towel for this, towel for that.

00:09:09.900 You got out the shower, towel up.

00:09:12.840 You, you know, you spilled some wine, get that towel.

00:09:17.180 You know, you, you're in the desert, towel up, put a towel around your scalp, you know.

00:09:23.180 They got it all.

00:09:24.760 Then somebody said, oh, we need a specific towel for the beach.

00:09:28.040 We need a beach towel.

00:09:29.660 And that's marketing right there.

00:09:32.100 It's still a towel.

00:09:33.900 There's nothing different about it. 0.95

00:09:36.080 Somebody put the word beach in front of it, and now everybody's fucking spending an extra $13.99. 0.84

00:09:42.280 And I had that beach towel. 0.88

00:09:43.700 I put it on my bed.

00:09:44.480 I put a bunch of ice cubes.

00:09:45.600 I put three trays of cubes on it.

00:09:47.360 And then I'll lay on that ice.

00:09:50.020 And be that little ice daddy, that ice baby. 0.65

00:09:54.300 And man, it's cold at first, but then the pain goes away, and you can't feel anything. 0.96

00:09:57.680 And damn, you get so cold sometimes, and then it disappears, and then you don't even know who you are, man. 0.99

00:10:03.920 And I even have to put my legs up in the air, and it looks like I'm a damn newborn. 0.99

00:10:10.460 Like I'm a newborn, and I'm trying to get my, you know, my bum powdered by mom. 0.97

00:10:14.660 I'm trying to get my bum powdered by mom.

00:10:19.140 And so I do that, and I've just been icing and heating my back all week.

00:10:26.160 So it's been just out of commission.

00:10:27.880 It's crazy, man.

00:10:28.540 Everything's going good.

00:10:29.480 And then bam, son.

00:10:31.220 Get on your knees, boy.

00:10:33.740 And the pain, too.

00:10:34.900 I don't, you know, I don't have anything to subside the pain. 1.00

00:10:39.260 So I'm just praying this shit goes away. 0.99

00:10:41.720 And they don't have a chapter in the Bible, really, about, you know, pain remedy. 1.00

00:10:47.120 The Bible doesn't have, you know, a couple hundred milligrams of ibuprofen hidden in it.

00:10:52.140 So I was going through all of these, Ramadan, everything.

00:10:55.160 I'm celebrating anything this week that will help alleviate the pain.

00:10:57.940 I'm asking all the gods for help.

00:11:00.520 And we had a lot of calls that came in about, you know, I like to think about when I was young and just the joy.

00:11:11.460 And remember when you were young, man, and you, you know, you tried something new for the first time.

00:11:18.400 Maybe you saw, you know, you saw a, remember the first time you saw a peach. 0.97

00:11:24.560 You're like, damn, that's an orange. 0.94

00:11:26.120 That's kind of like a, is that like a senior citizen orange or something? 0.99

00:11:31.020 Is that like an orange that maybe been in a halfway house?

00:11:35.720 Or maybe an orange that, you know, it's kind of like one of those hairless cats.

00:11:41.320 But like, it's like a hair, it's like a, like, it's like the hairless cat of the orange family. 0.99

00:11:47.740 And somebody's like, no, motherfucker, that's a peach, man. 0.99

00:11:51.180 That's a peach, boy. 0.99

00:11:52.420 So, you know, you get, I love being young.

00:11:56.580 Everything was a new experience.

00:11:59.980 And as we get older, we get used to the experiences.

00:12:02.940 And they start to run together.

00:12:04.420 And they're just, things lose their novelty.

00:12:06.540 And that's what I'm, you know, and I try not to get too caught up in the fact of things losing their novelty.

00:12:15.040 So, I'm trying to just, I'm trying to stay in the novelty of life.

00:12:18.360 Because there is a lot of beautiful stuff going on.

00:12:20.520 And, and one of the novelties that we all go through in time is when somebody touched our, you know, wiener, you know, up in the, you know, if a lady, somebody touched you down in that trim, trim, you know, in the, down in the Vajertans, bro.

00:12:40.320 Down in them, you know, down in them, down in that, you know, in that freaking little, that, you know, down in that sugar wallet. 0.84

00:12:54.820 Down in the old, you know, down in the old oyster, the old oyster coin purse.

00:13:01.460 You feel me?

00:13:03.940 Well, everybody has a story about that in a different moment in time. 0.99

00:13:07.740 And we had a beautiful call about a year ago, lady, first time a man ever touched her vagina was in a abandoned refrigerator box out in the garage. 1.00

00:13:19.260 And she had a, you know, she had a, she had a beautiful story about that. 0.96

00:13:25.100 And, and we all have a special first time. 0.66

00:13:28.120 And a lot of you guys know, first time somebody, you know, a young lady over there off of, uh, highway 22 kind of masturbated me out into the water.

00:13:39.840 Over there off of the, uh, you know, in one of the tributaries of the Chifuncta river, this lady J owed me out there into the water. 0.99

00:13:47.020 And you could see the fish come up and get, get the seed that had come out of my body.

00:13:51.960 And that was nature going full circle. 0.98

00:13:55.060 You know, I mean, that is just damn nature. 0.99

00:13:57.140 Like somebody just put a whole bunch of nature in a blender and just made a damn, just a smoothie, just a soul smoothie. 1.00

00:14:05.240 And just poured that bitch right down into your freaking chakras. 1.00

00:14:08.280 And, uh, and everybody has that moment. 1.00

00:14:11.920 So a lot of you guys hit the hotline, 985-664-9503.

00:14:16.600 And thank you for, for hitting the hotline.

00:14:19.820 And, uh, and you just called in and shared some of your moments.

00:14:22.140 So I want to hear some of those.

00:14:23.620 I haven't heard any of them.

00:14:24.600 And I'm grateful to you for sharing pieces of your life.

00:14:28.020 Cause we all remember that time.

00:14:31.140 That first time. 0.99

00:14:32.720 Cause look, when you're young, you've been touching your own crotch. 0.93

00:14:36.160 You know, I remember we had a guy in our area, this boy, uh, this kid, his name was Tyson, right? 0.97

00:14:46.180 They called him fat Tyson and nobody, his dad called him that.

00:14:50.360 So, and you know, he would do, you know, everybody would do, he would, everybody, when you got to know your body, when you find your body had different erogenous zones and erogenous zone is something you massage yourself or touch your nipples. 0.93

00:15:06.160 Dude, remember when your nipples got hard? 1.00

00:15:08.040 Remember that? 0.98

00:15:10.040 Bro, I thought, I didn't know what was going on.

00:15:12.460 I thought I got like, had fallen down and got an acorn stuck like in my tit on each one, double corn, you know?

00:15:19.020 So, yeah, just different times.

00:15:22.640 But I remember fat Tyson told us one time that he had, uh, he had hidden like a small, one of those toothbrushes you get into his, uh, into his honest and his, you know, on us or whatever, you know, into that, that be whole boy.

00:15:39.200 And this, I know this is getting kind of dirty, but I'm just, I'm just letting you know that we all have experiences with our body and there's nothing wrong with that. 0.84

00:15:46.840 There's nothing wrong with if you're young, putting something into your buttocks. 1.00

00:15:54.320 There's nothing crazy about that. 0.97

00:15:55.980 I mean, when you first are born, you learn about your mouth.

00:15:59.600 That's a natural hole, you know?

00:16:01.160 So you put snacks in there, put a sugar treat in your mouth, put a little cornbread, you know, put a broccoli or something into your mouth.

00:16:10.480 And that's natural.

00:16:11.960 And then you start learning about other, you know, you sneak into mom's room one day and you see dad in there doing, uh, the ear cleaner, Q-tipping.

00:16:20.600 But, and so you get one and you do that and it's crazy.

00:16:26.140 You can't even imagine.

00:16:27.200 You're like, if it's so close to my brain, this is scary.

00:16:30.940 And you pull it out and it's a little bit of brown on there.

00:16:33.380 And you're like, Jesus, my brain has brown wax in it. 0.97

00:16:36.920 I'm going to hell. 0.98

00:16:38.320 You know, you get caught up. 0.99

00:16:41.260 And then another, you know, then your ween, you know, your vagine or whatever, you get used to a new thing, your belly butt. 0.60

00:16:46.960 But I remember one of my favorite things, I would lay on the floor at night and put a couple chocolate, um, I would put a couple chocolate, uh, chocolate chips.

00:17:01.120 Because Toll House used to have these sack of chocolate chips.

00:17:03.780 When mom was going to make chocolate chip cookies, she got a bag of chocolate chips.

00:17:07.880 And she would have to hide them, boy, because if I found that sack of chocos to the dome, uh, and so I'd take a couple, I'd usually take three and I'd put them into my belly button and lay on my back by the television watching in the heat of the night, which was a beautiful television show. 0.99

00:17:26.420 And, and, uh, and they would get heated up by my body heat.

00:17:34.340 And that's when that, and then my, my belly button would fill with a little bit of chocolate sauce or chocolate, you know, kind of a mousse, I guess, almost a nice, fancy, you know, a mousse, they call it.

00:17:44.800 And then I would dip my finger in there on a commercial break and get me a little hit of chocolate and put that thing in my mouth and just really just eating chocolate right out of my own, my own belly button, which is unique because you, you know, years earlier I'd been inside of my mother.

00:18:03.020 She had fed me through that tube and here I am filling that whole, you know, that, that same space where my mother had once nourished me.

00:18:10.660 Here I am melting chocolate chips, toll house morsels and just morseling myself up, just dipping my finger into that melted morsel and just bringing it straight up into my face, you know, feeding myself now years later.

00:18:25.740 And that's just full circle. 0.83

00:18:27.180 It's the same as, it's not the same, but it's very similar to masturbating into a stream and watching the fish come.

00:18:33.380 And then maybe two years later, you're at a restaurant down the street and you have a little bit of a, you know, some tilapia or some barramundi or you have a cut of a, of a white fish or butterfish.

00:18:48.440 First of all, where, where are they getting new fish from?

00:18:51.680 You notice this on menus every like maybe two years, they put a new, it's like, oh, they got the mahi mahi.

00:18:59.380 Where's that been?

00:19:01.300 Dude, go read Moby Dick. 0.98

00:19:02.680 See how many mahi mahis they got in that sucker. 1.00

00:19:06.020 Zilchi, zilchi, bro. 0.85

00:19:09.600 Go, you know, now they got the barramundi.

00:19:11.740 I'm somewhere the other day and the guy's like, oh, we got, we got line caught barramundi. 0.99

00:19:17.300 Dude, I don't give a fuck how you convince that guy, you know, how you convince that thing to swim over here. 0.99

00:19:23.480 I don't care if you poured nicotine in the water for a couple of years and slowly got him addicted. 1.00

00:19:27.980 I don't, you know, what, oh, we got, you know, we got, you know, we got, you know, we got successfully convinced salmon.

00:19:43.960 Like you just convinced them to jump into the net. 0.99

00:19:47.220 It's just like, what the fuck are we doing, dude? 0.97

00:19:49.680 And barramundi, I never heard of that. 0.99

00:19:53.100 Give me a real fish people have heard of.

00:19:55.000 Catfish, uh, Swedish fish.

00:19:59.220 It's a candy, but everybody's heard of it.

00:20:02.380 Um, trout, um, tuna fish. 1.00

00:20:09.880 I'm just sick of some of this fake fish shit. 0.99

00:20:12.760 Every, oh, we got butterfish. 1.00

00:20:14.400 We got white fish.

00:20:15.800 What the, what are you talking about?

00:20:17.800 Where, where'd you get it?

00:20:21.920 You got an email from the Lord and they said, oh, they, we releasing, you know, two new types of fish.

00:20:27.620 Like it's a new shoe.

00:20:29.840 We got limited edition over here on these swimmers.

00:20:32.460 Get out of here.

00:20:34.000 Anyway, I'm going nuts, man.

00:20:35.140 I'm actually starving as well right now. 0.97

00:20:38.700 Um, anyway, we got some crotch stories. 0.60

00:20:42.180 Let's get into a couple of those.

00:20:43.200 And thank you guys for, uh, for calling.

00:20:45.460 Um, I also, right before we get into, I want to say this too.

00:20:48.680 If you hit, uh, you know, we have a couple of shows coming up.

00:20:53.920 Vancouver this week, Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, Boise.

00:20:59.120 Um, and we always do things for single moms out there. 1.00

00:21:02.960 And, uh, we have some tickets that we're going to give away for each of those cities, uh, to single dads.

00:21:08.220 It's Father's Day coming up.

00:21:10.960 So it would be great, uh, if you guys would email producer, P-R-O-D-U-C-E-R at Theo Von, T-H-E-O-V-O-N. 0.50

00:21:21.220 We want to do something special for some single fathers out there.

00:21:23.640 We've got, uh, and just email and nominate a single father.

00:21:27.260 And this has to be a father of decent age.

00:21:30.900 I don't, don't bring me some 79-year-old, 200-year-old guy.

00:21:36.660 Who, you know, he has to drink through a sack or whatever.

00:21:39.600 He's got a collage.

00:21:40.520 I don't want that guy.

00:21:42.120 I want a dad who's got a young child who has a child who's in school.

00:21:45.780 You know what I'm saying?

00:21:46.280 I want a single dad. 0.68

00:21:49.360 And I know that's just my definition of it, but that's what I would like.

00:21:52.400 So we want to do something special for those men out there, uh, who, cause it's tough for

00:21:58.280 those guys too.

00:21:59.480 So you want to do special for something special for some single dads.

00:22:02.200 And that's what we're going to do.

00:22:03.500 And we want to thank our Patreon supporters for helping us with that.

00:22:07.860 Set aside some tickets.

00:22:09.100 Uh, so just email TheoVaughn at producer.com if you recommend someone in those cities, um,

00:22:16.440 and put the information and we will, uh, we're going to, we're going to give out some, uh,

00:22:21.060 some sets of tickets for those different cities, Boise, Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver.

00:22:27.920 And, uh, thank you guys so much for your support.

00:22:30.060 Let's take this call right here.

00:22:31.500 Here we go.

00:22:32.100 Hi Theo, this is Sarah from Chicago.

00:22:34.640 Hey Sarah from Chicago.

00:22:36.220 Nice to see you over there.

00:22:37.560 And Chicago, an amazing city in the U S, you know, a good city where I think you get a

00:22:45.860 little bit of everything.

00:22:47.880 Uh, and I met some beautiful ladies over there in Chicago and over the years I saved them on 0.98

00:22:52.140 my phone.

00:22:52.660 I would be like, Oh, Chicago, Janet, you know, Chicago, uh, Ray, you know, Raylene or, uh,

00:23:02.480 Raynell.

00:23:03.840 And then over the years, but then you come back to town over the years and you, then you hit

00:23:07.480 them up and you're like, I don't even remember now this lady, you know, she's 45 or 47 and

00:23:12.720 she's got a couple of kids. 0.95

00:23:13.640 Her husband's texting you back. 0.99

00:23:14.820 Like who the fuck is what's going on? 0.99

00:23:17.060 So you got to be careful who you, whose number you save in that great city. 0.99

00:23:21.840 Let's hear more.

00:23:23.160 This morning on my way to work, I was laughing at the hotline question because my first sexual 0.99

00:23:29.560 experience as a 15 year old was with some, with some crotch rubbing and praise God, babe, 0.99

00:23:36.680 praise God. 0.95

00:23:39.120 And, uh, let's hear you just say that part again about the crotch rubbing because it's 0.84

00:23:43.660 just make sure everybody heard it. 0.93

00:23:44.760 I can't tell them with some crotch rubbing. 0.95

00:23:47.060 And my boyfriend and I, who is now my husband, we're in the back of my dad's car on our way 0.97

00:23:54.780 home from great America.

00:23:56.180 Oh yeah.

00:23:57.740 And so it begins immediately.

00:24:00.560 I'm going back to that place in my heart in my right now.

00:24:04.280 I want to go put on like a, um, I want to put on a big Johnson shirt.

00:24:09.360 They had this special series of shirts.

00:24:11.120 Uh, I want to go put, you know, I want to, I want to put on some old music, some boys 0.86

00:24:16.540 to men or some, um, some kind of shit and really make it pop. 0.89

00:24:21.160 So you and your, oh yeah, you're in the back of the parents' car. 0.99

00:24:24.540 Okay.

00:24:24.840 Let's go.

00:24:25.380 My dad's car on our way home from great America, great America is in Gurney and he lives

00:24:31.440 all the way in Chicago.

00:24:32.640 So it's a good two hour drive.

00:24:34.260 It's pretty far.

00:24:35.100 Ooh, yeah.

00:24:36.960 Turn up the music, dad.

00:24:38.840 Pretty far. 0.99

00:24:39.720 And I remember I just kind of started touching his crotch. 0.93

00:24:45.260 I don't really know why. 0.95

00:24:47.600 Oh, I know why.

00:24:48.500 Cause the Lord wants you to.

00:24:50.200 That's why. 0.65

00:24:52.120 I mean, look, if you put my hand somewhere and you put a crotch somewhere else and you 0.99

00:24:58.720 turn off the lights, when you turn that light back on, I swear to God, boy, my hand will

00:25:04.240 be over there.

00:25:06.520 So let's hear more.

00:25:07.880 Um, I'm the oldest of two brothers, so I just didn't really have any siblings to kind

00:25:13.520 of help me understand what sex was, what was going to happen, none of that.

00:25:18.560 So he started reacting as men do to a woman touching his crotch and he had a, uh, he had 0.97

00:25:26.320 a hard on for about two hours all the way from great America, all the way home. 0.97

00:25:30.880 And my husband and I, we still laugh about it.

00:25:34.000 Uh, but I remember being so shocked, not really understanding what the hell was going on, if he

00:25:39.860 was going to be okay.

00:25:40.980 Oh yeah.

00:25:42.860 And that's beautiful.

00:25:43.900 And you know, that's love when you get erect and somebody asks you if you're doing okay.

00:25:48.480 I mean, that's American love right there.

00:25:50.300 Usually you get erect and people, a woman might laugh. 1.00

00:25:54.300 She might, you know, text or get a shot of it, a snap, show her friend, you know, Ronnie's 1.00

00:25:59.100 got a little dick. 1.00

00:26:00.960 But it's beautiful when a woman, you know, you get erect, you've been erect for a couple 1.00

00:26:05.640 hours, a girl knocks on the door.

00:26:07.260 Hey, everything all right?

00:26:08.960 Let's hear more.

00:26:11.680 Um, and now obviously it's just something we can look back and laugh at.

00:26:17.300 Um, gang gang.

00:26:19.580 Gang gang, a two hour wiener your man showed out with him. 1.00

00:26:23.000 That's beautiful.

00:26:24.180 And if you wanted to enter something in a national 4-H competition, they're judging rabbits and

00:26:30.440 they're judging, you know, little chickadees and stuff.

00:26:33.100 You got to have two of the chickadees and this hair's got to be slicked back and they got 1.00

00:26:36.600 to be healthy and their sugar level's good. 0.98

00:26:38.960 But you show me a man who can have an erection, you know, a two hour wiener on a riding back 0.98

00:26:45.100 seat of a car while his, while the dad is picking the music. 0.99

00:26:50.480 That's a show animal to me.

00:26:52.900 Thank you for that call.

00:26:53.940 And thank you for that story.

00:26:54.760 And just taking me back in time.

00:26:57.000 I remember hearing the first time I'd ever even heard about people having sex because

00:27:01.100 we used to do some peeping time.

00:27:02.420 And when I grew up peeping time and was, I mean, that was cable.

00:27:05.620 And we used to do some good peeping time and boy, I could see somebody eat and I'll watch

00:27:12.120 somebody eat or do sex or whatever. 0.99

00:27:16.380 And all of it was kind of the same to me at all.

00:27:18.840 Just, I was so curious very much.

00:27:22.080 Like the American beauty.

00:27:23.380 Remember that movie with Kevin Spacey and the other boy, Ben Affleck or whatever.

00:27:28.580 But I loved that.

00:27:30.560 I loved watching people live their lives through pain glass.

00:27:37.020 Who doesn't?

00:27:38.640 And so what I'm saying now is this.

00:27:40.400 I don't even know what I'm saying.

00:27:41.420 I don't even know what I'm talking about.

00:27:42.940 But thank you for that story.

00:27:44.560 Thank you for taking me back.

00:27:45.560 I remember the first time when I was young hearing about sex and hearing that people

00:27:49.920 that were having it.

00:27:51.180 And there was a boy and he was like a year older than us or two years.

00:27:55.140 And everybody said that he and this girl that had sex on some lawn chairs out by a pool

00:28:01.380 over summer. 1.00

00:28:04.060 And suddenly everybody's like, fuck man. 1.00

00:28:07.880 I gotta have sex. 1.00

00:28:10.340 People are scared. 0.99

00:28:11.620 People are writing. 0.98

00:28:12.300 I'm having sex on pieces of paper and just, you know, pinning it to their shirt. 0.97

00:28:18.040 Everybody's like, what are you talking about? 0.94

00:28:21.180 People didn't even know.

00:28:22.700 Like everybody was just consumed.

00:28:24.700 People are buying lawn chairs and, you know, laying them, just putting them in their yard.

00:28:28.980 Other people are like sacrilegious.

00:28:30.660 They're buying lawn chairs and like putting gas on them and burning them.

00:28:33.980 Yelling racial slurs and stuff at them.

00:28:36.060 It just, it got wild.

00:28:37.800 But, but yeah, once that fire starts, once you hear somebody, I mean, I remember my buddy.

00:28:49.760 My buddy. 0.98

00:28:52.400 You know, I remember the big thing was if you could touch a woman's crotch while y'all were 0.99

00:28:57.600 in the back of the car when the mom was taking you home. 0.96

00:29:00.720 That was, and still, let me say this.

00:29:06.420 That is still a golden move.

00:29:09.720 I don't care if you're 15 or if you are 60.

00:29:15.340 If your wife or your significant other's mother is driving y'all somewhere and you in

00:29:21.460 the back with your lady and you get to doing some touching or, you know, or the, or your

00:29:27.020 lady jerks you off while your dad is driving y'all somewhere, that's still awesome, man. 0.88

00:29:34.820 That is still, it's kind of like, it's the, it's the Mount Kilimanjaro of sexuality. 0.99

00:29:41.180 It's just that rare, it's just that thing.

00:29:46.000 It's something, it's like so defiant of your parents and at the same time, so like adventurous

00:29:52.140 because with all your dad has to do is turn back and look and you are, you're done.

00:29:58.540 Dude, one of my friends who will name Nate, who will remain nameless.

00:30:05.760 He was with his family driving somewhere on a vacation. 0.96

00:30:10.140 Okay, he puts the map up like this and masturbated behind the map. 0.97

00:30:19.320 I mean, if you think your parents don't know that you're masturbating behind a map in a small 0.97

00:30:28.520 vehicle, this wasn't an SUV. 0.90

00:30:30.720 This is a car.

00:30:32.600 SUV, maybe.

00:30:36.080 Jerking off behind a Rand McNally.

00:30:40.140 Behind a small map in a car, in a sedan. 0.98

00:30:52.440 Dirt, that's dirt, boy.

00:30:54.500 That's dirt.

00:30:55.520 Come on, come on, boy.

00:30:58.440 You got to tighten up on that level.

00:31:01.240 All right, let's take another story that came in here.

00:31:03.240 But man, just some beautiful stories.

00:31:04.980 Beautiful stories.

00:31:07.120 And we just wonder what a phenomenal time this is in people's lives.

00:31:10.240 What up, P.O.

00:31:11.000 This is Kyle calling from North Carolina, man, calling in for the FTC, the FTC challenge.

00:31:16.740 Yes, sir. 0.51

00:31:17.360 And that's first time crotch touch. 1.00

00:31:19.360 And that's that F, first time F-T, C-T, crotch touch. 0.95

00:31:24.380 Thank you for calling in, Kyle, from North Cackalack.

00:31:27.100 A beautiful, beautiful place over there.

00:31:29.220 And I know Duke was losing in those, in those, to Vanderbilt in those men's College World Series.

00:31:37.440 But kudos to them for developing a great program over there.

00:31:42.440 I know UNC's in the College World Series as well right now.

00:31:45.940 Whatever you want to call it, that first time crotch story. 0.63

00:31:49.500 First time I grabbed crotch, my parents and everyone else was going to church.

00:31:55.920 And, you know, when you put the Lord next to the loins, man, it's a real face-off.

00:32:08.520 Oh, makes it more exciting, doesn't it?

00:32:12.480 When everybody was in church, we would sneak away and go upstairs.

00:32:17.500 And we would swap stick with the girls, you know.

00:32:20.460 I was in middle school, and I had my girlfriend at the time, and I had seen my stepsister and her boyfriend do something I ain't ever seen. 0.97

00:32:29.660 He touched her crotch. 1.00

00:32:30.960 And he told me, that's what you got to do. 0.99

00:32:32.460 Oh, that's what you got to do, boy.

00:32:35.640 That's what you got to do.

00:32:40.200 Sorry.

00:32:40.920 This is very interesting to me to hear this research.

00:32:43.920 Let's hear more.

00:32:44.500 Oh, yeah.

00:32:51.620 Suddenly, it's Saturday night.

00:32:53.500 Even though it's Sunday school, suddenly it is Saturday night, my friend.

00:32:59.380 Yes, sir.

00:32:59.880 Let's hear more.

00:33:01.120 I had learned this new trick, and we were making out. 0.99

00:33:05.080 And I touched her crotch. 1.00

00:33:06.760 So we get to school that Monday, and I'm excited, you know. 0.99

00:33:11.560 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:33:12.200 You're damn Wayne Gretzky, brother. 1.00

00:33:14.500 I mean, you're the damn Wayne Gretzky of young leg. 1.00

00:33:19.680 Let's hear it. 0.99

00:33:20.620 And she had sent me a note saying we were moving too fast, and she broke up with me.

00:33:27.000 And I didn't grab another crotch for a few years because I was kind of like a PTSD from it, you know.

00:33:33.200 I thought every time I tried to make a move on anybody, they were going to break up with me.

00:33:37.740 Wow.

00:33:39.380 Man, well, I appreciate you sharing that, man.

00:33:41.080 I could understand that some.

00:33:43.320 Yeah, you know, look, that's very, look, something happens, and it alarms you, and then you set off.

00:33:48.340 Let's hear more. 0.91

00:33:49.360 But that's my first crotch story, so. 0.94

00:33:52.560 Gang, gang, I love y'all. 0.84

00:33:55.360 Gang, gang, brother, and thank you for sharing your story with everybody, and I mean that.

00:33:59.220 You know, it's brave to put a little bit of yourself out there, whether it's a piece of your past or a piece of your present.

00:34:03.840 And I applaud all the callers that do.

00:34:09.160 You know, I remember now, you know, I had erectile dysfunction for probably about 11 years, and I still really, you know, I'm probably still at all times.

00:34:19.360 I got to have a little bit of gas station, you know, some of those GSWPs, those gas station wiener pills in my system at all times to even really get out of bed in the morning. 0.98

00:34:29.060 And I need two milligrams of something running through me, and, and, and it, fuck, sorry, I forgot what I was talking about, Jesus. 0.99

00:34:39.840 Man, yeah, well, so you, I remember getting non-erect in a lady, and then I tried to tell her, like, I was doing magic, and I was like, ta-da, and my dick still wasn't doing erection. 0.99

00:34:55.200 My wiener was still being soft, being, you know, real natural. 0.98

00:34:59.400 And she was disappointed, and then I couldn't get over that for years.

00:35:04.940 Because, really, I was just nervous.

00:35:07.280 I should have just said, hey, I'm just uncomfortable right now.

00:35:10.260 And it probably would have been cool, but at the time, I was just young, and I was nervous, and there was broken glass.

00:35:16.960 And, look, I can't get erect near broken glass, okay?

00:35:20.320 Yeah, my bad, right?

00:35:21.380 But I can't get erect near broken glass, and I still can't.

00:35:25.820 Or if there's a car accident or something, dude, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't getting erect near a car accident, okay?

00:35:36.940 Yeah, my bad, ladies. 1.00

00:35:38.740 But, yeah, those things really can give you a little bit of travesty.

00:35:41.660 But thank you for sharing, man.

00:35:43.860 That is, middle school's a little young to be learning that trick.

00:35:47.040 Like, you know, first time I saw some breasts, I remember I was, well, they used to have, somebody had chiseled some tits into a nice birch that had been hit by lightning out near us in the woods. 0.96

00:36:01.880 And people used to go masturbate to that, and, you know, and that's just the Lord working. 0.93

00:36:07.600 But this was, I was at summer camp, and they had this girl, man, and she had red hair. 0.66

00:36:13.960 I'd never seen red hair.

00:36:15.080 I'd never seen it.

00:36:19.180 I'd seen, you know, different colors of hair, brown, blonde, black, white.

00:36:27.720 But I'd never seen red hair, and this girl had it, man, and she just looked so exotic to me.

00:36:34.640 And I saw another camp counselor looking at her breasts one time, this dude, Joey, I think his name was.

00:36:40.980 Or, you know, Joey was actually a little more, this dude, Joey, what was his name?

00:36:46.040 He was my camp counselor, John.

00:36:47.700 He had a cousin, a nephew named Jonas.

00:36:51.240 Oh, man.

00:36:53.340 I got, for some reason, I know them, and my brain, my brain is just skipping on their name.

00:36:56.720 But they was out, I think he grew up out off of Leroy.

00:37:01.020 Anyway, but they, Joey, I think, was looking at the lady's breasts, the camp counselor.

00:37:08.740 And I was a camper.

00:37:09.740 And so I was like, oh, what's in there?

00:37:13.480 You know, and he kept looking in her shirt. 0.85

00:37:15.740 And they said, oh, titties are. 0.63

00:37:18.520 And so I wanted to look in, right?

00:37:20.160 So I looked in, and I saw them, dude.

00:37:22.000 And I'd never seen titties, dude, except for my mom's, you know?

00:37:25.740 And I'd only sneakily seen them.

00:37:29.400 And seen them sometimes when I didn't want to, when my mom didn't think that we knew what titties were.

00:37:33.680 And she would almost, and sometimes she would just get out the bath and we would see them.

00:37:38.020 But what happened was, oh, I saw them, and then I lied.

00:37:44.400 I said I didn't see them.

00:37:46.340 And they were like, what?

00:37:47.700 And I was like, yeah, I didn't see them, you know?

00:37:49.660 So then they let me look again, and I looked again, and there they were again. 0.99

00:37:53.880 Still just milling around on this camp counselor's chest, you know, tits. 1.00

00:38:00.620 And then I said, oh, I remember I said I only saw one. 1.00

00:38:03.480 And that time, they fucking said I was, I was like a sicko. 0.98

00:38:09.600 And so then I kind of felt like something was wrong with me after that a little bit. 0.99

00:38:14.300 And I was afraid to see both breasts at once on a woman, even though I'd lied about it. 0.99

00:38:18.500 I was still, like, I'll tell a lie about something, and then also suffer the repercussions of my lie.

00:38:28.320 Isn't that crazy?

00:38:29.220 I'll be like, oh, yeah, I only saw one titt, even though I saw both. 0.93

00:38:31.720 They'll call me a sicko.

00:38:35.040 Then I'll feel bad about lying. 0.99

00:38:41.120 And then I'll also think for years to come, when I see tits, that if I look at both of them at the same time, 1.00

00:38:48.900 something bad's going to happen to me. 0.99

00:38:52.080 So, Jesus Christ.

00:38:54.880 So, let's hear another call that came in, but Sunday school slipping off from the Lord to do the devil's handiwork.

00:39:05.460 As always, the hotline is 985-664-9503.

00:39:11.060 Here we go.

00:39:12.700 This is a first crotch experience call. 0.83

00:39:16.840 Thank you for the call, brother. 0.77

00:39:18.100 Onward.

00:39:18.340 This is Sean O. from Boulder City, Nevada.

00:39:22.060 Sean O. from Boulder City, Nevada.

00:39:25.760 And I've never been over there, but, you know, it sounds beautiful.

00:39:29.600 Rolls right off your tongue.

00:39:31.060 Boulder City.

00:39:34.940 I was about 13 between 7th and 8th grade.

00:39:39.500 Oh, that's prime touching area, dude.

00:39:43.120 That's prime time to touch or be touched.

00:39:47.180 You're laying in bed at night, and you can just hear other kids touching each other's crotches.

00:39:51.560 And it just burns you up.

00:39:53.880 Let's hear more, brother.

00:39:54.960 Onward.

00:39:56.040 It was in Springfield, Missouri.

00:39:58.960 Oh, yeah.

00:40:01.800 That's Springfield.

00:40:03.780 Go.

00:40:04.780 I met this chick at the swimming pool. 0.99

00:40:07.220 We go back to her place, you know.

00:40:10.780 Oh, yeah.

00:40:11.080 And crotch always feels fresher when it's right out of the city pool, if you ever noticed that.

00:40:15.920 Or that summertime pool. 0.91

00:40:17.500 Or out of a bathing suit.

00:40:18.960 Crotch always feels fresher when it's fresh like that. 0.55

00:40:22.740 I'll quit interrupting you.

00:40:24.200 Onward.

00:40:24.960 We go back to her place, you know.

00:40:27.560 And to this point, I had only really seen late 70s, early 80s pornography.

00:40:35.180 Oh, yeah.

00:40:36.020 Sorry, I told you I wouldn't do that anymore.

00:40:38.140 I won't.

00:40:38.820 Let's hear the rest of your story.

00:40:39.840 Sorry, friend. 0.66

00:40:40.720 80s pornography.

00:40:42.800 So, you know, a lot of bush back in those days.

00:40:46.420 Yeah.

00:40:46.800 And so, for some reason, I thought the little vajayjay was like an inch or two below the belly button.

00:40:56.780 Like at the hairline of the crotch.

00:41:00.500 And so... 1.00

00:41:01.300 Damn, damn, bro. 1.00

00:41:04.580 So, you thought a woman was like one of those little gnomes, those little belly with the jewel in her belly. 1.00

00:41:11.100 Dang, man.

00:41:13.780 That's very interesting.

00:41:17.160 I mean, you would be a very unique surgeon.

00:41:22.660 Onward?

00:41:23.060 I was, you know, searching around with the old index and the fingers.

00:41:29.800 And, man, I was confused.

00:41:31.600 I didn't know what was going on. 1.00

00:41:33.140 I didn't know if I fucked around and got hermaphrodite or something. 0.99

00:41:37.580 You know, I was young. 0.99

00:41:40.020 But, finally, the girl gave me a little assistance.

00:41:42.680 Helped me go a little farther down south and got my FCE.

00:41:50.320 Never really talked to her again.

00:41:52.860 But, yeah, that was my first crush experience.

00:41:56.900 Shout out to Springfield, Missouri, and Public Swimming Pools.

00:42:02.040 RIP Billy Conforto.

00:42:03.820 We're going to keep your name in the streets.

00:42:05.720 Gang, gang.

00:42:06.560 Gang, bro.

00:42:07.240 And thank you for bringing him up, man.

00:42:09.900 I appreciate that, dude.

00:42:11.160 Yeah, I was looking at some.

00:42:12.500 Somebody sent me some pictures of him the other day, actually.

00:42:15.100 And I should have put some of those onto this past weekend.

00:42:20.780 And then we had a shirt designed for him as well.

00:42:23.820 And so maybe we'll put that out.

00:42:26.120 But, yeah, but remember that, dude?

00:42:28.480 I remember something like that.

00:42:29.680 Touching, thinking I was, you know, I didn't know what that was.

00:42:32.680 Just kept pushing on some girl's midsection. 1.00

00:42:35.360 That's crazy, right?

00:42:40.260 Just put, just, just massaging some girl's fupa or something. 0.98

00:42:45.360 Who knows?

00:42:47.160 I mean, it was wild.

00:42:48.360 When you were young, I had a buddy and he used to practice touching girls on his own b-hole. 0.96

00:42:57.360 And at first I'm like, that's crazy.

00:42:58.980 But then I'm like, I can't fault this guy.

00:43:02.060 At least this guy has a little bit of lay of the land.

00:43:06.340 I'm out here, you know.

00:43:09.420 You don't know what's going on. 0.99

00:43:11.900 Then I remember thinking that it was all a myth that girls didn't even have vaginas. 1.00

00:43:19.420 Because I remember laying down with this one girl up there off a, off Million Dollar Road. 0.99

00:43:26.320 And that's when the, you know, the pizza delivery guy had crashed and a lot of people had robbed him and shit. 0.52

00:43:31.540 But I didn't get involved in that. 0.96

00:43:33.180 I was back at the house, you know, trying to touch a little of that, you know, trying to just get involved in that womb tunnel.

00:43:41.900 Do you feel me?

00:43:42.560 Get a little into that womb. 1.00

00:43:45.200 And, uh, fuck, I don't know what I was talking about. 1.00

00:43:50.160 But, but anyway, man, thanks for your story, man. 0.99

00:43:53.000 Thank you for calling in, brother, for sharing that story.

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00:45:58.540 Today's episode is also brought to you by Hair Club.

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00:46:59.640 We all want to have good hair or at least a good mustache or something.

00:47:03.120 Chest hair, body hair, butt hair, back of your neck, back of your legs.

00:47:07.080 But I'm talking about the head hair.

00:47:09.160 And look, a lot of our listeners know I had part of my hair taken out of the back and put right on the top of my hair or in the front.

00:47:15.020 I got about 100 hairs from the back that are in the front.

00:47:18.120 So basically foster hair.

00:47:20.760 Foster hair care.

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00:47:49.180 I'm certain you'll love the club.

00:47:52.620 And my mother used to put a club on the car. 1.00

00:47:54.760 She had a Volkswagen Rabbit.

00:47:56.980 And that thing, probably worth $1,100.

00:47:59.120 You could get into it through the bottom.

00:48:00.880 There was no...

00:48:02.340 Someone had...

00:48:03.840 Or water had rotted out the paneling under the rear passenger seat.

00:48:07.600 You could get into the car through the bottom of it.

00:48:11.560 And my mother would put a club on that thing. 1.00

00:48:14.820 Unbelievable.

00:48:15.340 We laugh at her so hard.

00:48:17.600 But thank you, Mom, for getting me wherever I needed to be.

00:48:21.040 Let's take another crotch story. 0.89

00:48:22.680 Here we go.

00:48:24.440 Hey, Theo.

00:48:25.240 This is Joy from Maleska, Georgia. 0.77

00:48:27.380 Just calling in to give you my first crotch touch story.

00:48:31.380 Hey, Joy. 0.89

00:48:32.140 Thank you for calling in.

00:48:33.120 And you know, nothing brings joy to youngsters like touching one another.

00:48:37.760 And so it's just ironic that you called today.

00:48:41.300 And thank you for being a supporter.

00:48:42.880 And I'm excited to come over there to Georgia.

00:48:44.380 I'm excited to get into the South a little bit later this year on some tour dates.

00:48:47.360 And I'm going to add some more.

00:48:49.140 And I want to find some VFW chapters where we can go and do some fundraising at some of those places.

00:48:56.100 But I got a lot to do.

00:49:00.520 Let's hear more.

00:49:01.100 Thank you for calling, Joy.

00:49:01.740 I didn't mean to make that about me for a second.

00:49:03.600 Let's go.

00:49:05.040 It's a long time ago because I'm actually older than you are.

00:49:09.240 Oh, look.

00:49:10.500 Crotch stories have no age, okay?

00:49:13.240 These things are timeless.

00:49:15.640 Let's go.

00:49:16.080 I do remember it vividly because it was the summer between I was 13 turning 14.

00:49:21.840 And that was back in a time where, you know, little kids just rode their bikes everywhere and hung out outside and did everything all like that during the summertime.

00:49:29.280 And I remember there was probably about 10 of us hanging around on our little bikes.

00:49:33.500 And we had gone to this little area back to back of the neighborhood.

00:49:36.380 Oh, yeah.

00:49:36.980 The back of the neighborhood.

00:49:40.080 What goes on back there?

00:49:42.180 Nothing good.

00:49:43.360 And everything good.

00:49:47.680 Let's hear more.

00:49:49.180 And just on, like, the rocks and a creek and stuff.

00:49:52.380 These two boys pull up on their mopeds.

00:49:55.160 And back then, you know, I came from an area where...

00:49:57.460 Oh, yeah.

00:49:57.860 The French.

00:49:58.580 We call them Frenchmen.

00:50:00.260 Let's hear more.

00:50:01.040 Two boys pull up on their mopeds.

00:50:04.280 And back then, you know, I came from an area where that was fancy stuff.

00:50:08.600 So the cute one actually looked at me and he was like...

00:50:11.340 These boys are about 15.

00:50:12.580 He looked at me and he was like, hey, you want to ride?

00:50:15.880 You want to try riding it?

00:50:16.960 And I'm like, oh, yeah.

00:50:17.900 Hell, yeah.

00:50:18.720 Never been on a moped.

00:50:20.780 Jumped on the back, wrapped my arms around him, and we took off.

00:50:25.020 Forever young, forever young.

00:50:33.900 Sorry, you just got me.

00:50:35.780 Do you want to ride in the backseat of a getty?

00:50:40.180 You got me feeling all of this right now, you know?

00:50:43.500 You got me like a racquetball.

00:50:48.460 Boots getting boogie.

00:50:50.580 You got me feeling the past suddenly all of a sudden.

00:50:53.480 Let's hear it.

00:50:53.960 On the back, wrapped my arms around him, and we took off.

00:50:58.240 Now, that's the first time I'd ever felt something, you know,

00:51:00.700 shaking in between my legs and stuff like that.

00:51:02.640 So already, and I've got these little cute little flimsy bike shorts on,

00:51:06.300 but it was already feeling kind of crazy.

00:51:09.560 Plus, I got my arms around this cute boy.

00:51:11.680 Well, we hit a bump, and all of a sudden,

00:51:14.520 this boy decides to just slide his hand,

00:51:18.220 take it off one of the controls,

00:51:19.640 slide his hand back behind his back, 0.99

00:51:21.640 and just grab a hold of my crotch. 1.00

00:51:24.440 Now, at first, I was alarmed, 0.99

00:51:26.520 but at the same time,

00:51:27.840 it was one of those first times I'd ever had that feeling about,

00:51:30.640 do I like this or do I not?

00:51:32.700 Hmm.

00:51:35.940 So, needless to say,

00:51:37.720 I was squealing by the time we got off of that moped,

00:51:40.280 and I guess the moral of the story is,

00:51:43.960 I did like it,

00:51:45.260 whether I wanted to admit it at the time or not,

00:51:47.680 and mopeds are fun to ride at times. 0.76

00:51:50.560 So anyway, that's my first crotch story. 0.95

00:51:53.060 Wow. 0.98

00:51:53.460 Wow.

00:51:56.240 Wow.

00:51:56.640 Thank you for sharing that story.

00:51:57.980 It's like, 0.97

00:51:58.920 man, that crotch, boy. 0.96

00:52:03.420 That crotch is, 0.97

00:52:04.340 it's like a, 0.99

00:52:05.160 it's like,

00:52:05.780 you ever see,

00:52:10.980 you ever be in a neighborhood or something,

00:52:12.640 you get to a certain age,

00:52:13.380 and you realize,

00:52:13.860 oh, there's a power plant,

00:52:15.140 or there's like a power grid,

00:52:16.760 or area in our neighborhood.

00:52:19.060 Or you drive by that place for years,

00:52:20.880 you don't know what it is,

00:52:21.760 it looks like some weird wiring,

00:52:23.020 and there's fences outside,

00:52:24.140 do not enter,

00:52:24.800 do not enter.

00:52:27.740 And then one day,

00:52:28.460 oh, that's electricity, 1.00

00:52:29.900 that shit, 1.00

00:52:30.380 that place kills monkeys in commercials years ago. 1.00

00:52:36.220 And that now, 0.55

00:52:37.440 that is the crotch. 0.77

00:52:38.760 That's that thing,

00:52:39.680 that's that electricity,

00:52:40.900 that's that hub,

00:52:42.020 that's that NASA.

00:52:44.180 I mean,

00:52:44.700 it's all space,

00:52:45.660 it's all space,

00:52:46.680 and you got that NASA, 1.00

00:52:49.020 just north of your ass, 1.00

00:52:50.680 you feel me, 1.00

00:52:51.280 that's that crotch. 1.00

00:52:54.060 And it's really remarkable, 0.97

00:52:56.280 it's really,

00:52:58.020 really remarkable to hear that story,

00:52:59.440 if you own a moped,

00:53:00.460 a French,

00:53:01.080 a French mode of transportation,

00:53:03.940 and the boy reaches back,

00:53:05.640 I mean,

00:53:05.920 what a,

00:53:06.420 what a power move there.

00:53:10.060 And I also love how you're not,

00:53:11.800 you're not like,

00:53:12.860 oh,

00:53:13.160 this guy molested me,

00:53:14.340 that's,

00:53:14.760 nowadays, 1.00

00:53:15.560 people lose all of their shit. 1.00

00:53:17.880 But the person, 1.00

00:53:18.960 who was involved in it,

00:53:20.280 they see what's going on.

00:53:23.460 Oh,

00:53:23.980 I made,

00:53:24.380 you know,

00:53:24.620 the guy,

00:53:25.320 it seemed like it was just your experience,

00:53:27.340 and that's what happened.

00:53:28.280 You could decide,

00:53:29.020 if you liked it or not.

00:53:32.300 You weren't sure,

00:53:33.400 it was just a moment where,

00:53:34.720 we kind of decide,

00:53:36.820 the guy didn't,

00:53:37.500 you know,

00:53:38.980 trap you,

00:53:39.900 or nothing like that,

00:53:40.800 or put you in a candle,

00:53:41.840 or anything like that,

00:53:42.700 it was just a regular afternoon.

00:53:45.300 And I bet sometimes,

00:53:46.520 you see a moped go by,

00:53:48.080 I bet those feelings flare up for you.

00:53:54.060 And that's beautiful,

00:53:55.100 man,

00:53:55.300 that's truly beautiful to imagine,

00:53:57.840 and just to reminisce,

00:53:58.860 and to think about that.

00:54:00.080 That's life.

00:54:02.100 That's life.

00:54:02.820 And,

00:54:06.280 and I think it's nice to be able to share your story,

00:54:08.840 and also,

00:54:09.240 yeah,

00:54:09.460 it's funny,

00:54:09.880 because at those things,

00:54:10.660 at those ages,

00:54:11.440 things are happening,

00:54:12.980 and we're deciding,

00:54:14.780 if we like them or not.

00:54:17.800 Do I like this?

00:54:19.240 Am I okay with this?

00:54:21.500 Does this need to stop?

00:54:24.440 This needs to,

00:54:25.660 this needs to occur more.

00:54:27.700 What's going on here?

00:54:29.340 And that's sexuality.

00:54:32.100 That's how we develop some of our sexuality,

00:54:34.720 is by having experiences that are safe enough,

00:54:37.540 where we can still learn and make choices.

00:54:41.580 And,

00:54:41.960 and I know some people that,

00:54:43.840 they have dark experiences,

00:54:45.940 but I'm glad that we're sharing ones that are,

00:54:48.500 you know,

00:54:48.740 at least ones where we're,

00:54:50.160 where we were all in a space where we could learn,

00:54:52.820 and have a moment of knowledge.

00:54:56.740 You know,

00:54:57.300 I remember,

00:54:58.440 man,

00:54:58.640 I got so many stories about this now,

00:55:00.160 and I guess I'll tell them a different time,

00:55:01.540 because I want to get into more of an episode here.

00:55:05.260 But I remember,

00:55:06.260 so we went to the dance when I was in school.

00:55:08.820 I was a school child.

00:55:10.760 I mean,

00:55:11.040 I was a school boy.

00:55:12.700 A lot of people think I was always an adult,

00:55:14.600 and that's insane.

00:55:16.280 That's insane.

00:55:19.760 And,

00:55:20.180 and so I will,

00:55:24.540 I remember we went to a dance,

00:55:26.380 and afterwards,

00:55:26.920 we went back to my buddy's house.

00:55:29.300 And one of the gals from the dance came out, 1.00

00:55:31.540 came back there with us, 0.99

00:55:32.600 and my buddy ended up touching her crotch. 1.00

00:55:36.100 And God, 0.99

00:55:36.980 dude,

00:55:37.140 I was so horny,

00:55:38.640 bro. 1.00

00:55:39.940 Damn, 1.00

00:55:40.360 I was horny, 1.00

00:55:41.240 boy. 0.53

00:55:41.580 I was horny.

00:55:44.440 I mean,

00:55:44.860 I was like a,

00:55:45.600 like a try hundred serotypes,

00:55:48.840 dude. 0.97

00:55:48.940 I was horny,

00:55:50.040 bro.

00:55:50.680 Horny, 0.99

00:55:51.140 horny. 0.79

00:55:53.000 I mean,

00:55:53.560 I'm, 0.99

00:55:53.740 I'm surprised poachers didn't show up and try to fuck me up. 1.00

00:55:57.180 Cause I was horny, 1.00

00:55:59.100 boy.

00:56:00.520 You know?

00:56:02.660 And my,

00:56:03.400 so dude,

00:56:04.000 my buddy was out,

00:56:04.880 they went off in the woods,

00:56:05.940 and they were being gentle with each other's bodies like that.

00:56:09.400 And so,

00:56:10.300 then her mom came and got her or whatever.

00:56:13.320 I think her mom was a cop or something.

00:56:15.220 She was out on a route or something doing police work.

00:56:19.200 And,

00:56:19.840 and I lived in this kind of place that police sometimes would show up and just

00:56:23.920 shoot a gun into the woods a couple of times,

00:56:25.780 just empty of, 0.98

00:56:26.800 you know,

00:56:27.020 just empty the clip right into the woods. 0.99

00:56:29.060 Cause they figured if you out in the woods fucking around at night and you 0.99

00:56:31.940 get shot, 1.00

00:56:33.400 you probably deserved it, 1.00

00:56:34.900 you know,

00:56:35.420 if you're in the dark woods.

00:56:36.520 So,

00:56:38.160 but yeah,

00:56:38.820 her mom came by.

00:56:40.100 I remember and took her and,

00:56:42.300 you know,

00:56:42.460 it was just the time her mom was going to come pick her up.

00:56:44.280 There was no issues or nothing.

00:56:45.300 And then afterwards,

00:56:46.280 my buddy's out there and I remember just putting my,

00:56:50.440 I mean,

00:56:50.640 when they walked off in the woods,

00:56:51.820 I remember putting my ear to the ground and just,

00:56:56.900 I just wanted to hear as much of this touching as I could.

00:57:02.340 I wanted to just be as close to it as I could.

00:57:04.280 I was so jealous.

00:57:06.520 Well,

00:57:06.920 anyway,

00:57:07.100 they came back and my buddy,

00:57:09.280 you know,

00:57:09.680 everybody was all excited.

00:57:10.700 And that's when another kid's dad came out to the,

00:57:13.940 we were standing by a bonfire out there.

00:57:16.200 Another fellow's dad came out there,

00:57:17.880 the boy's house.

00:57:18.580 It was,

00:57:19.300 and he came out there and,

00:57:22.540 uh,

00:57:23.040 and he ended up,

00:57:26.020 and this is a little bit grotesque,

00:57:27.300 is it?

00:57:27.500 But it's also nature and animals do this all the time.

00:57:30.200 He ended up smelling my buddy's hand for about 15 minutes out there.

00:57:33.480 My buddy's dad. 0.98

00:57:34.140 And this is my friend who just walked off into the woods and touched a gal's crotch for the first time. 0.95

00:57:40.300 And then my buddy's dad came out and just smelled my buddy's hand for probably, 0.96

00:57:45.460 not 15 minutes.

00:57:47.520 That's long,

00:57:47.900 probably about nine minutes.

00:57:50.660 And we all just sat there and watched him just huff on his hand and just,

00:57:55.620 and that's nature,

00:57:56.820 boy.

00:57:57.340 And that's nature.

00:57:58.160 What else are we going to do today?

00:58:02.920 Oh yeah,

00:58:03.500 we got Nick is going to come in and talk to us about the news a little bit,

00:58:06.900 and then we'll get back into a few more stories.

00:58:13.200 Yeah,

00:58:14.020 but send in some submissions for the single dads.

00:58:17.720 We're going to do some single dads tickets for them for some shows that are sold out.

00:58:21.920 All those shows are sold out and save some tickets to surprise some guys.

00:58:25.860 And,

00:58:26.100 and yeah,

00:58:29.720 cause I just can't imagine what that's like.

00:58:31.180 And I don't have that experience.

00:58:32.160 I didn't have a single dad,

00:58:33.120 but I mean,

00:58:35.200 I guess I did after my parents divorced,

00:58:36.820 but I didn't live with my father.

00:58:39.660 So I don't have that experience,

00:58:41.160 but I can only imagine that it's probably not that far different than having a single mother.

00:58:47.500 Um,

00:58:48.100 I'll say this.

00:58:49.940 Nick is going to be in with us in just a second.

00:58:52.860 So hold on.

00:58:54.740 All right.

00:58:55.420 We got,

00:58:56.060 uh,

00:58:57.140 Nick is in studio.

00:58:57.980 How's it going,

00:58:58.420 man?

00:58:58.760 It's going really good.

00:59:00.260 Uh,

00:59:00.580 just trying to get this studio working order.

00:59:02.920 We're,

00:59:03.080 we're making it happen in the meantime.

00:59:04.540 Yeah,

00:59:04.820 man.

00:59:05.020 I want to thank you too,

00:59:05.800 dude,

00:59:05.880 man,

00:59:06.000 for just,

00:59:06.500 uh,

00:59:07.260 you know,

00:59:07.540 I know you guys are,

00:59:08.300 I mean,

00:59:08.820 I know we're all doing it,

00:59:10.040 but yeah,

00:59:11.140 there's a lot of space to fill here.

00:59:12.720 Yeah.

00:59:13.040 Yeah.

00:59:14.400 I saw we got a little refrigerator.

00:59:15.820 That's cool.

00:59:16.380 Yeah.

00:59:16.700 Some,

00:59:16.980 some cold waters.

00:59:18.200 Uh,

00:59:18.740 we're,

00:59:19.120 we're getting there piece by piece.

00:59:21.940 Um,

00:59:22.940 if you had to say like on a hundred percent,

00:59:24.960 what percent are we at right now?

00:59:26.120 You think considering the most important function is being able to do the podcast.

00:59:31.580 I'd say we're at 65%.

00:59:33.580 That's good.

00:59:34.740 I would agree with that.

00:59:36.100 And there's a lot of room for new opportunity.

00:59:40.440 So probably 10% is room for new opportunity.

00:59:43.500 Yeah.

00:59:43.760 Yeah.

00:59:44.320 And,

00:59:44.740 uh,

00:59:45.000 there's like a percent that's always going to be available because we're constantly evolving.

00:59:49.320 So you'll never be to a hundred percent ideally.

00:59:52.360 Wow.

00:59:53.700 I think I like it now.

00:59:55.260 I thought you're right.

00:59:56.260 Yeah.

00:59:56.620 The goal of a hundred percent is almost kind of a crazy,

00:59:59.020 huh?

00:59:59.740 Yeah.

01:00:00.180 It's like,

01:00:00.360 what are you gonna do when you get there?

01:00:01.100 Just disappear into the ether.

01:00:02.820 Yeah.

01:00:03.440 Yeah.

01:00:03.800 Can't stop.

01:00:04.540 What are you going to do?

01:00:05.080 Just disappear through a wall like Joe Rogan does sometimes according to,

01:00:08.380 uh,

01:00:08.620 Nick Swartzen.

01:00:09.800 Yeah.

01:00:10.780 You remember that?

01:00:11.760 Yeah.

01:00:12.680 He said he saw,

01:00:13.260 uh,

01:00:13.500 Joe Rogan eating ferret sashimi and then disappeared through a wall.

01:00:17.840 I don't imagine him disappearing.

01:00:19.460 I imagine him busting through it like the Kool-Aid dance.

01:00:21.820 That's true.

01:00:23.400 That's true.

01:00:24.020 Like extremely loudly disappearing.

01:00:27.860 Oh! 0.60

01:00:31.100 Oh,

01:00:33.720 that'd be so cool to watch,

01:00:35.200 man.

01:00:35.760 And,

01:00:36.000 uh,

01:00:36.340 yeah,

01:00:36.640 just new construction.

01:00:37.720 Joe Rogan's construction company would be so dope.

01:00:41.400 It just takes down walls.

01:00:42.980 Yeah.

01:00:43.220 Just taking down walls.

01:00:45.540 Um,

01:00:46.100 Nick's going to help us with the news.

01:00:47.260 What's going on in the news?

01:00:48.720 Uh,

01:00:49.040 let's see.

01:00:49.880 First up,

01:00:50.860 um,

01:00:51.420 with the Toronto Raptors,

01:00:53.300 one win from winning the NBA finals,

01:00:55.580 point guard Kyle Lowry is making headlines on and off the court.

01:00:58.600 Uh,

01:00:58.920 first he was chasing after a loose ball.

01:01:01.920 You may have seen this jumped into the stands and,

01:01:04.780 uh,

01:01:05.840 almost hit a lady.

01:01:06.660 She moved out of the way,

01:01:07.800 but then a guy,

01:01:08.380 a couple seats over,

01:01:09.220 like gave him this extra shove.

01:01:11.280 He was really upset about at the time.

01:01:13.280 And it turned out after,

01:01:14.460 uh,

01:01:14.880 people looked into it that,

01:01:16.980 uh,

01:01:17.940 the guy who pushed him was warriors,

01:01:19.900 minority owner,

01:01:20.780 Mark Stevens.

01:01:21.560 He's a venture capitalist and a part owner.

01:01:24.240 So rich guy.

01:01:25.300 Yeah.

01:01:25.720 Real,

01:01:26.120 real rich guy and total rich guy.

01:01:27.860 And,

01:01:28.360 uh,

01:01:28.600 he ended up,

01:01:29.780 the NBA said he can't attend any more finals games and he can't attend any

01:01:33.800 more games until they complete an investigation.

01:01:36.220 Essentially until people stop talking about it.

01:01:38.060 Sounds like,

01:01:38.520 and then I'll be back courtside.

01:01:39.980 And,

01:01:40.460 uh,

01:01:40.700 yeah.

01:01:41.300 Um,

01:01:42.300 I don't know.

01:01:42.660 What are your thoughts on that?

01:01:44.040 Man,

01:01:44.460 I'm mad.

01:01:44.820 First of all,

01:01:45.360 what about his,

01:01:46.140 the first,

01:01:46.520 the game when he comes back,

01:01:47.760 imagine how nervous and awkward that's going to be.

01:01:50.960 It's like whenever you got in trouble over something and you got,

01:01:53.180 then you had to go back to the place and it was always so uncomfortable.

01:01:57.740 Um,

01:01:59.100 you know,

01:02:01.220 it's,

01:02:02.340 if he's a,

01:02:03.120 he's a minority owner,

01:02:04.420 I,

01:02:04.740 I'd have to watch the tape again.

01:02:06.180 Like,

01:02:06.480 I think if someone,

01:02:07.780 if it's a reaction where like somebody bowls over,

01:02:10.660 somebody that's just sitting next to me,

01:02:12.220 I could have a defensive reaction,

01:02:14.780 you know,

01:02:15.320 uh,

01:02:15.800 I've,

01:02:16.140 I did see it a couple of times.

01:02:17.520 At first,

01:02:17.820 I didn't even notice what they were talking about.

01:02:19.660 I remember I was like,

01:02:20.460 who's pushing.

01:02:21.160 I don't see that part.

01:02:22.580 Um,

01:02:22.940 but,

01:02:24.500 but,

01:02:24.660 but did it seem like more than that to you?

01:02:27.260 I just felt like it was unnecessary.

01:02:29.060 I kind of have a feeling the guy might've had a couple of drinks and,

01:02:32.320 uh,

01:02:32.700 he,

01:02:32.960 he was feeling,

01:02:34.100 feeling loose in the front row,

01:02:35.420 but it's like,

01:02:36.460 I just,

01:02:37.060 there,

01:02:37.280 nothing good can come from it.

01:02:38.740 I don't know if you remember the,

01:02:39.840 uh,

01:02:40.400 the malice at the palace,

01:02:41.740 the Detroit Ron Artest,

01:02:44.000 Steven Jackson,

01:02:45.060 that brawl in Detroit.

01:02:46.200 And it's because someone threw something on the court and then the players react and they're the ones that get suspended for the season or worse,

01:02:53.800 you know?

01:02:54.300 Yeah,

01:02:54.420 that's a good point.

01:02:54.980 Now,

01:02:55.160 Kyle Lowry,

01:02:55.880 if he reacts,

01:02:57.280 he's the,

01:02:57.820 he's the,

01:02:58.440 he's the bad guy.

01:02:59.640 Yeah.

01:02:59.840 It's like,

01:03:00.200 it's like,

01:03:01.020 I don't want to compare players to dogs,

01:03:02.600 but if like a child's like new needling,

01:03:05.200 uh,

01:03:05.620 a dog and the dog bites the kid,

01:03:07.220 they put the dog down.

01:03:08.520 Right.

01:03:09.160 Yeah.

01:03:09.560 That's a good point.

01:03:10.280 That's true.

01:03:10.660 Those players have a lot to lose,

01:03:12.160 especially in close proximity,

01:03:13.520 playing an intense game.

01:03:16.600 Also a game where they've had a lot of trash talk and you got fat Drake over there,

01:03:20.480 you know,

01:03:21.460 you know,

01:03:22.500 so sick of Drake.

01:03:23.500 Oh dude.

01:03:24.060 It's like,

01:03:24.480 what do you go play? 0.99

01:03:25.860 At least master P fucking audition to be on the team. 0.99

01:03:28.860 Yeah. 0.99

01:03:29.120 And show up at road games.

01:03:30.400 Yeah.

01:03:30.660 What are you doing?

01:03:31.300 Yeah.

01:03:31.440 You're just making it as easy as possible.

01:03:34.080 So I think,

01:03:35.860 um,

01:03:36.200 I will say I used to be a Drake fan,

01:03:37.940 but I'm just kind of salty cause I'm a pretty big Milwaukee Bucks fan.

01:03:41.000 And,

01:03:41.220 uh,

01:03:41.400 he was just all over that series.

01:03:43.260 And was he?

01:03:43.740 Yeah,

01:03:43.940 it was insufferable.

01:03:46.860 Yeah.

01:03:47.540 Uh,

01:03:48.300 I think Drake's just kind of,

01:03:50.760 I mean,

01:03:51.460 ever since it,

01:03:52.120 like,

01:03:52.360 or even in his early work when he's like,

01:03:54.040 uh,

01:03:54.320 the toughest thing ever went through,

01:03:55.340 I think he borrowed his uncle's car and brought it back late or something.

01:03:58.000 And I was like,

01:03:59.000 this isn't,

01:03:59.880 there's no street credit here.

01:04:01.920 I think he's a good,

01:04:03.280 he's kind of like a ballad singer more to me.

01:04:05.600 He's more like,

01:04:06.340 I'm trying to think of somebody to compare him to from,

01:04:09.620 um,

01:04:10.020 he's turned into more like boys to men.

01:04:14.100 Yeah.

01:04:14.460 Yeah.

01:04:14.740 I agree.

01:04:15.260 I agree.

01:04:15.780 Which I was a boys to men fan.

01:04:17.340 So I can't hate.

01:04:18.180 I agree.

01:04:18.580 I was a boys to men fan,

01:04:19.580 but,

01:04:19.920 but I think that series is real chippy.

01:04:21.800 I think if you're going to let people sit up by the front and drink alcohol,

01:04:24.600 then they could,

01:04:25.340 they could do things they don't even think about.

01:04:27.900 Definitely.

01:04:28.220 the guys in the front row of those games,

01:04:29.980 they,

01:04:30.500 they feel sometimes like they are in the game and the game almost feels fictional when

01:04:36.080 you're that close.

01:04:36.780 Sometimes you're so used to watching it on television.

01:04:40.200 Then when you're up close,

01:04:41.360 it feels like even when I was at the MMA fights,

01:04:43.620 I thought, 0.99

01:04:44.680 fuck, 1.00

01:04:44.900 I might, 1.00

01:04:45.160 I could probably jump in,

01:04:46.420 you know,

01:04:46.800 I could do this.

01:04:47.820 Like as long as I,

01:04:48.880 you know,

01:04:49.160 read the manual first,

01:04:50.360 like other controls and know what X and R2 do and all of this,

01:04:54.440 then I could get right in there.

01:04:56.280 Meanwhile, 0.99

01:04:56.680 the truth is if I had fucking gotten up there, 0.99

01:04:59.440 nine guys would have beaten me from behind before. 0.99

01:05:02.660 If I would have got in the ring,

01:05:04.040 two guys would have beaten me.

01:05:05.820 So I think a lot of people have that thought though.

01:05:08.240 I was a big entourage fan back in the day and Ari gold,

01:05:12.100 he had courtside Laker seats and he was like,

01:05:14.520 he got yelled at for stepping down to the court and he's like,

01:05:16.520 I paid 30 grand for these seats.

01:05:17.980 I'll check in if I want to.

01:05:19.740 So it's,

01:05:20.180 it's the same thing.

01:05:21.280 I think people,

01:05:22.240 you feel you have some entitlement,

01:05:23.780 like you're part of it when you're paying that much and you're sitting up there.

01:05:26.240 Right.

01:05:26.900 Yeah.

01:05:27.120 Some entitlement.

01:05:27.960 I think you're right.

01:05:28.560 That's a good word for it.

01:05:29.820 So does it make,

01:05:30.520 yeah,

01:05:30.680 it doesn't make it right.

01:05:31.460 I think that the,

01:05:32.160 the,

01:05:32.560 the punishment will probably justify what happened.

01:05:34.860 I think it'll set some precedent,

01:05:36.300 but also these,

01:05:39.320 these,

01:05:39.800 they run the risk.

01:05:41.980 There's a fine line between how close do you put people to the game?

01:05:46.700 Mm-hmm.

01:05:48.160 They,

01:05:48.620 they know there's,

01:05:49.520 you know,

01:05:49.940 in every half inch,

01:05:51.460 there's an extra $10,000.

01:05:53.520 Straight up.

01:05:54.240 So they,

01:05:54.840 it's like,

01:05:56.340 there must be a lot of insurance and a lot of liability policy they have there.

01:06:00.680 Yeah.

01:06:00.900 What else we got,

01:06:01.640 man?

01:06:02.120 One more thing.

01:06:03.100 Or did you have any other thoughts on it?

01:06:05.600 Just,

01:06:06.100 I don't know.

01:06:06.620 Like,

01:06:07.120 like I said,

01:06:07.940 the,

01:06:08.200 the player is the one that stands to lose.

01:06:10.040 So,

01:06:10.680 I don't like it.

01:06:11.920 It shouldn't be allowed.

01:06:12.560 And I'm glad like they,

01:06:13.740 they shut them down.

01:06:14.880 Now,

01:06:15.300 would you love to see a net,

01:06:16.540 a separate game afterwards or a fight after where it's the minority owners

01:06:20.220 fighting each other on court at halftime? 1.00

01:06:21.980 Let's do some real shit. 1.00

01:06:22.860 Yeah. 1.00

01:06:23.160 Yeah.

01:06:24.040 Make the,

01:06:24.620 make the owners play each other.

01:06:26.220 And then,

01:06:27.280 and then the players can be at the stands and I don't think they would react the

01:06:30.540 same.

01:06:30.760 Yeah.

01:06:31.380 I'd love to see some of these snarky little minority owners out there in 1.00

01:06:35.740 their,

01:06:36.100 uh,

01:06:36.420 structure sweaters,

01:06:38.100 you know,

01:06:38.540 have the side piece hold the banana Republic sweater that they wearing.

01:06:42.180 The V neck and,

01:06:44.360 uh,

01:06:44.600 and let them get out there and beat each other at halftime. 0.99

01:06:46.820 Get a couple,

01:06:47.800 two J crews out there and,

01:06:49.260 uh,

01:06:51.620 have them at,

01:06:52.200 have them go at it.

01:06:53.360 Uh,

01:06:53.600 but this brings us to the next story.

01:06:55.760 Uh,

01:06:56.320 TMZ reported that NBA teams and are discussing and two have already done it.

01:07:02.040 Uh,

01:07:02.700 they are getting rid of the term owner who for,

01:07:05.880 uh,

01:07:06.740 majority stakeholders of the team.

01:07:08.540 Uh,

01:07:09.020 some people say because it's,

01:07:10.920 uh,

01:07:11.520 predominantly African American players.

01:07:13.400 There's some racial racial insensitivity with the term owner.

01:07:18.140 So what do you think about that?

01:07:20.100 Um,

01:07:21.000 I think that that's crazy.

01:07:21.980 We're going to have to rewrite the dictionary at some point.

01:07:24.120 I mean,

01:07:24.680 I don't know,

01:07:25.220 dude,

01:07:25.460 I,

01:07:25.860 but I,

01:07:26.520 it makes me uncomfortable when I see people own the people's rights to people on

01:07:30.180 television.

01:07:31.100 So I guess some of that I could understand,

01:07:33.060 but if somebody is a business owner and I'm employed at the business,

01:07:37.100 then just because they have the term owner,

01:07:40.900 I also have the term employee.

01:07:42.940 I also have the term player.

01:07:44.340 I also have the term father or,

01:07:46.180 or,

01:07:46.480 you know,

01:07:46.680 whatever your other terms are.

01:07:47.700 I'm a brother.

01:07:48.380 I'm a son.

01:07:48.980 I'm not just because somebody writes an article and says that this,

01:07:52.980 that you're still a slave or you're still a this. 0.57

01:07:56.040 If you think that way,

01:07:57.160 that's at a certain point,

01:07:58.720 that's your own mentality.

01:08:00.540 I agree. 0.97

01:08:01.600 I think it's just ridiculous over,

01:08:03.580 over correction that people are doing.

01:08:06.400 Um,

01:08:07.000 players,

01:08:07.680 like you said,

01:08:08.520 they're employees.

01:08:09.240 They own the team.

01:08:10.320 Like you own this podcast,

01:08:11.920 right?

01:08:12.080 I'm not offended if you would ever,

01:08:13.920 you don't talk like that,

01:08:14.880 but if you ever said I own this podcast,

01:08:16.260 I don't think take that as you own me.

01:08:18.500 Right.

01:08:20.580 But it's interesting.

01:08:21.360 I wonder if with certain people,

01:08:22.740 would you use certain,

01:08:25.040 would we use certain terms differently?

01:08:26.760 You know,

01:08:27.840 I don't think so.

01:08:29.660 I don't think it matters.

01:08:30.680 I think at some point it's just people making click bait and making trouble.

01:08:34.300 And a lot of times it's just lawyers.

01:08:36.060 Like,

01:08:36.300 Oh,

01:08:36.400 well how can we find another way to let's sue this way?

01:08:40.620 Now let's sue this way. 1.00

01:08:41.820 Oh,

01:08:42.120 let's sue this way. 1.00

01:08:42.940 Let's sue this way. 1.00

01:08:43.660 It's like,

01:08:43.920 it just never ends.

01:08:45.240 I agree.

01:08:45.860 Which raises insurance rates.

01:08:47.280 People want to buy insurance is so high because they're,

01:08:49.920 they allow lawyers to absolutely sue every single direction.

01:08:53.040 And all these lawyers that are like suing each other,

01:08:55.060 they,

01:08:55.620 they're buddies.

01:08:56.240 They're buddies.

01:08:56.920 And they're buddies with the judge and they just,

01:08:59.140 they're showing up for another day of work with their friends.

01:09:01.020 And it doesn't matter who's suing who they're getting a piece of it.

01:09:04.020 It's crazy,

01:09:04.720 man.

01:09:04.900 And at a certain point,

01:09:06.000 everything can only go until it goes.

01:09:09.240 And when it can't go anymore,

01:09:10.520 it's just going to get pretty real.

01:09:11.460 I think sometimes it's alarming.

01:09:13.760 I hope so.

01:09:14.600 Yeah.

01:09:15.440 Yeah.

01:09:17.540 So next news story,

01:09:19.340 organizers in Boston are planning a straight pride parade tentatively scheduled for

01:09:24.800 August 31st.

01:09:25.900 The organizers are still working to secure a permit from the city,

01:09:29.160 but they just on Friday named former Breitbart editor and controversial figure Milo

01:09:35.180 Yiannopoulos as the marshal for the event. 0.98

01:09:37.420 And he's a homosexual man, 0.99

01:09:38.900 isn't he? 1.00

01:09:39.240 He is.

01:09:39.680 He is.

01:09:40.180 Who's always,

01:09:41.580 no pun intended,

01:09:42.600 prided himself on fighting for straight rights,

01:09:45.600 ironically.

01:09:46.340 Right.

01:09:47.540 Yeah.

01:09:47.900 I mean,

01:09:48.080 I'm not surprised that they have people want a straight pride parade. 0.87

01:09:51.720 Everybody wants,

01:09:52.460 has their own group.

01:09:53.220 Now I feel like if anything feels more under attack these days,

01:09:56.860 it's definitely feels like it's straight.

01:09:59.120 You know,

01:09:59.560 even though a lot of times they,

01:10:00.640 no one would write this article or something because,

01:10:04.260 you know,

01:10:05.760 a lot of the media companies seem to be in the same group,

01:10:07.640 but I feel like if anybody seems under attack these days or if,

01:10:11.180 well,

01:10:11.360 here's what I'll say.

01:10:11.940 I have no idea,

01:10:12.560 but to me it does feel like straight men are under attack these days that

01:10:18.200 that make you seem like if you're straight,

01:10:20.060 that there's something wrong with you,

01:10:21.380 that if you're straight, 0.85

01:10:22.860 that you're also then anti-gay.

01:10:25.160 And that seems to be like a narrative that's sometimes out there that I don't

01:10:28.800 like that much.

01:10:31.540 Also,

01:10:32.060 it's kind of uncomfortable sometimes being a straight male.

01:10:34.100 A lot of men will hit on you. 1.00

01:10:35.460 And if you reject them in a way that even is kind or don't,

01:10:41.020 then they will immediately call you homophobic,

01:10:44.620 which is like,

01:10:45.460 I'm not homophobic.

01:10:47.120 I just like women. 1.00

01:10:49.840 I'm not homosexual.

01:10:51.380 So that's cool.

01:10:53.180 If you are, 0.99

01:10:54.060 I might be homosexual one day. 1.00

01:10:56.300 You know, 0.99

01:10:56.660 if I do enough cocaine, 0.99

01:10:57.620 I could be a homosexual for a little while in a bathroom or something, 0.99

01:11:00.740 maybe, 0.88

01:11:00.960 but I don't have any intention of being full-time gay male.

01:11:06.780 Not this lifetime anyway,

01:11:08.120 or not.

01:11:08.500 Now maybe,

01:11:09.040 I mean,

01:11:09.260 who knows if when we're 40,

01:11:10.480 you know,

01:11:10.640 the sugars or whatever we've been eating,

01:11:12.040 the riboflavones or the,

01:11:13.780 one of them morphs you out.

01:11:15.080 Next thing you know.

01:11:16.200 Aspartame.

01:11:16.740 Yeah.

01:11:17.400 Aspartame,

01:11:17.860 dude. 1.00

01:11:18.220 And you're out there trying to tame some ass. 1.00

01:11:20.340 I mean, 1.00

01:11:20.680 it could easily happen. 0.99

01:11:21.620 We don't fucking know, 0.99

01:11:23.060 bro. 0.99

01:11:23.900 People don't know the side effects of a donut stick.

01:11:27.340 Okay.

01:11:27.920 You think you rely being in there every morning,

01:11:30.460 get you in that donut stick and that thing doesn't have any side effects,

01:11:33.780 boy.

01:11:34.920 Come on.

01:11:36.820 So I'm not surprised that they want to have that,

01:11:39.500 that they want to have a straight pride parade.

01:11:40.720 I'm not surprised.

01:11:41.580 I think it's okay.

01:11:42.440 Look,

01:11:42.700 the cool thing about America is any group should be able to meet.

01:11:45.460 And just because a group meets doesn't mean that it's against your own group.

01:11:49.800 Like a lot of people say,

01:11:50.820 oh,

01:11:50.920 if they're having a straight pride, 0.98

01:11:51.780 that means that they hate gay or they hate this,

01:11:54.160 or I don't think it means any of that. 1.00

01:11:55.900 Maybe it's just some dudes that want to fucking have a good time together. 0.98

01:11:58.240 I think it's kind of silly and like, 0.99

01:12:01.700 I don't know.

01:12:02.100 It's like attention seeking behavior.

01:12:04.060 Yeah.

01:12:04.260 Like,

01:12:04.560 I mean,

01:12:05.300 Chris D'Elia had a great,

01:12:06.820 great tweet about it.

01:12:07.740 He said,

01:12:08.220 straight pride parade.

01:12:09.620 Hey guys,

01:12:10.220 if you're in a parade, 1.00

01:12:11.300 you're gay. 0.99

01:12:13.200 So, 0.99

01:12:14.040 which is a pretty solid point.

01:12:17.680 That's a good point.

01:12:22.020 Maybe it should just be the closeted men's parade. 0.57

01:12:24.720 What I don't like is if they got this guy Milo Yiannopoulos,

01:12:28.480 he seems to be polarizing.

01:12:30.560 Like his whole thing is just to be polarizing.

01:12:32.920 I'm not saying I agree or disagree with any of his views.

01:12:35.220 I don't know even what his views are,

01:12:36.520 but I think if you're going for somebody polarizing,

01:12:40.140 then that makes it kind of crazy.

01:12:41.620 Like delegitimizes it a little bit.

01:12:43.340 Yeah.

01:12:43.540 It's like you're just trying to start trouble.

01:12:45.280 Now,

01:12:45.660 if you'd have got Ric Flair or something or Dusty Rhodes out there, 1.00

01:12:48.380 fuck. 1.00

01:12:48.820 Woo. 1.00

01:12:49.060 Yeah.

01:12:49.460 It sounds like a party.

01:12:51.500 It sounds like a good time.

01:12:53.000 I mean,

01:12:53.660 nobody wore a beautiful woman's robe like Mr.

01:12:57.460 Ric Flair.

01:12:58.200 The bottom line.

01:13:00.460 He's kind of a bucket list guest for me for this past weekend.

01:13:04.220 Oh man,

01:13:04.800 I'd love to have him.

01:13:05.880 Who else while you're in here,

01:13:06.880 man,

01:13:07.020 who else would you like to get?

01:13:08.580 I've been saying it from mountaintops.

01:13:11.480 I want Norm MacDonald in here.

01:13:12.840 I think you two together would be just incredibly.

01:13:15.780 Wow.

01:13:16.860 What's your buddy Adam Ega doing?

01:13:18.700 You know what?

01:13:19.360 That's a great question.

01:13:20.640 Adam owes me.

01:13:21.420 Oh my God.

01:13:21.960 He just texted me.

01:13:23.140 Seriously?

01:13:23.680 Yeah.

01:13:24.220 Norm or Adam?

01:13:25.600 Adam.

01:13:28.240 Who else do I want?

01:13:29.680 So funny.

01:13:30.260 We just talked about him.

01:13:31.940 I would love Conor McGregor.

01:13:35.240 I mean,

01:13:35.440 that's kind of pie in the sky.

01:13:36.460 He doesn't do a ton of media appearances,

01:13:38.200 but.

01:13:38.820 Yeah,

01:13:39.180 I feel like he hates me for some reason.

01:13:40.440 I don't even know him.

01:13:41.260 You ever get that feeling about Conor McGregor?

01:13:42.800 Like he hates you even though you don't know him?

01:13:44.680 I think we'd be buds.

01:13:45.660 I'm pretty sure.

01:13:46.380 I don't know. 0.96

01:13:47.900 We also fucking bought the Conor McGregor lookalike kit as well, dude. 0.95

01:13:53.460 Weren't you Conor McGregor for Halloween as well? 0.97

01:13:55.480 Yeah,

01:13:55.720 a couple of years ago.

01:13:56.340 It was way too early. 0.99

01:13:57.200 No one knew the fuck he was. 0.99

01:14:00.060 Yeah, 0.99

01:14:00.480 dude.

01:14:01.300 You were just kind of like a.

01:14:03.520 It was 2014.

01:14:04.980 No one knew.

01:14:05.080 You're like a real thin lumberjack. 0.97

01:14:08.540 Irish lumberjack. 0.92

01:14:09.340 Any other news?

01:14:11.460 Just a couple like kind of fun stories.

01:14:15.580 Semi fun.

01:14:16.520 A Texas hiker was found alive after missing for over a week.

01:14:19.820 That's Texas,

01:14:20.480 man.

01:14:20.720 Loving place.

01:14:21.600 People get taken care of.

01:14:22.660 Not surprised,

01:14:23.480 man.

01:14:23.980 Yeah,

01:14:24.280 survived even without the water.

01:14:26.700 14 lions escaped from a South African national park.

01:14:31.180 Let them loose,

01:14:31.820 dude.

01:14:32.280 Let them.

01:14:32.720 Look,

01:14:33.520 I'm sure they'll find room for him to live out here in California.

01:14:35.920 You know,

01:14:36.520 I'm sure.

01:14:37.080 Let them loose on the streets out here in California.

01:14:38.800 Bring them in.

01:14:40.080 Are they, 0.99

01:14:40.420 are they rapists?

01:14:41.800 Are they,

01:14:42.620 can they read?

01:14:43.360 Can they write?

01:14:43.880 Are they addicted to drugs?

01:14:44.940 Who cares?

01:14:45.600 Get them over here. 0.95

01:14:46.740 I'm sure we can use them.

01:14:47.980 You know,

01:14:48.720 well,

01:14:48.880 I'd love it.

01:14:49.440 It's going to get like that on the street soon.

01:14:51.500 People are like,

01:14:52.180 free the animals from the zoos.

01:14:53.380 They can't be caged up.

01:14:55.240 Let anybody can live.

01:14:57.300 Dr.

01:14:57.720 Drew said the other day that the black plague is forming.

01:15:00.600 Did you read that?

01:15:01.600 Uh,

01:15:01.820 he's been talking about,

01:15:03.180 uh,

01:15:04.160 botch or whatever it is.

01:15:05.120 Blue,

01:15:05.380 bubonic plague.

01:15:06.460 Yeah,

01:15:06.740 I think that was it.

01:15:07.740 You're right.

01:15:08.060 You're right.

01:15:08.380 He's like,

01:15:09.020 yeah,

01:15:09.180 it's downtown.

01:15:12.760 Is that what the smell of human urine is?

01:15:16.000 That's a 35 minute Uber ride from here.

01:15:19.240 We're 35 minutes at an Uber from the bubonic plague.

01:15:23.220 Different times.

01:15:24.540 Uh,

01:15:24.940 thank you very much.

01:15:26.400 Uh,

01:15:26.560 you can follow him real Nick Davis.

01:15:27.760 You have a podcast too,

01:15:28.560 Nick.

01:15:28.680 What is your podcast?

01:15:29.640 Oh,

01:15:29.800 that's awesome of you.

01:15:30.720 Uh,

01:15:31.020 it's,

01:15:31.440 uh,

01:15:32.200 some,

01:15:32.560 I'm embarrassed to say it sometimes.

01:15:33.800 It's only taking me about 150 episodes to bring it up.

01:15:37.880 Uh,

01:15:38.280 uh,

01:15:38.660 me and a couple,

01:15:39.400 uh,

01:15:39.980 buddies who work for the Adam Carolla show,

01:15:41.840 we recap the show,

01:15:42.880 the bachelor every week.

01:15:44.120 Okay.

01:15:44.380 And the show is called another bachelor podcast,

01:15:47.300 another bachelor podcast.

01:15:48.340 So if you,

01:15:49.100 uh,

01:15:49.360 if you like a bachelor botch and botchalism,

01:15:52.120 which is headed soon to Los Angeles,

01:15:53.400 then,

01:15:54.420 uh,

01:15:54.940 then you can check out the bachelor and it's every week.

01:15:57.380 Uh,

01:15:57.580 yep.

01:15:57.880 Every,

01:15:58.280 every,

01:15:58.800 uh,

01:15:59.160 we try to get it out by Thursday.

01:16:00.460 The episodes air Monday.

01:16:01.620 So cool.

01:16:02.360 Yeah.

01:16:02.920 Yeah.

01:16:03.080 Another bachelor podcast.

01:16:04.800 Uh,

01:16:05.120 you can check it out.

01:16:06.120 I will say very quickly,

01:16:07.100 my favorite compliment we get people who don't even watch the bachelor tell us they listen

01:16:10.820 and they enjoy it.

01:16:12.220 Really?

01:16:12.740 Yeah.

01:16:13.000 Yeah.

01:16:13.500 If you look at our iTunes reviews,

01:16:15.380 cause our whole thing,

01:16:16.140 it's just a vehicle for comedy.

01:16:17.700 It's,

01:16:17.940 it's,

01:16:18.140 it's got a built in audience.

01:16:20.160 I tried to talk about the show as little as possible when we record the podcast.

01:16:23.880 Oh,

01:16:24.040 nice dude.

01:16:24.700 It's an interesting show.

01:16:25.580 I mean,

01:16:25.680 David Spade kind of has got me into it recently because he,

01:16:28.180 you know,

01:16:28.500 he always reviews it and he likes looking at the chicks on there.

01:16:31.440 So if you follow his Instagram story,

01:16:32.740 he's always just like harping on it.

01:16:34.360 He's scouting is what he's doing.

01:16:35.840 He is scouting.

01:16:36.640 I'm glad you noticed that.

01:16:38.040 All right.

01:16:38.560 We got a couple more calls that came in here.

01:16:39.960 The hotline nine,

01:16:40.560 eight,

01:16:40.680 five,

01:16:40.980 six,

01:16:41.240 six,

01:16:41.400 four,

01:16:41.680 nine,

01:16:41.900 five,

01:16:42.160 zero,

01:16:42.360 three.

01:16:42.620 Thank you guys for putting up with me on this episodes and just always on this podcast.

01:16:48.980 You know,

01:16:49.460 I don't know what I'm doing sometimes.

01:16:50.960 And you know,

01:16:52.800 it's weird.

01:16:53.100 It's like,

01:16:53.360 sometimes I come in here and,

01:16:55.680 you know,

01:16:56.500 I want to,

01:16:58.420 you know,

01:17:00.100 like I'm scared of like,

01:17:01.460 Oh,

01:17:01.600 I'm going to say something.

01:17:02.300 They're not going to like me or I'm going to,

01:17:04.740 you know,

01:17:05.300 and I try to keep those kinds of thoughts out of my head and just be myself if I can.

01:17:09.680 But sometimes it's hard,

01:17:10.860 you know,

01:17:11.080 and there's sometimes I just get scared.

01:17:12.680 I'm like,

01:17:13.000 what do I talk about?

01:17:14.060 I don't know what to do.

01:17:15.020 And you know what I do a lot of times when I get like that?

01:17:20.620 I just go.

01:17:24.220 I just go.

01:17:26.580 I just go and just keep going.

01:17:29.780 You know,

01:17:30.240 I'm not going to do it right.

01:17:31.120 I'm not going to make everybody happy.

01:17:32.500 I'm not a,

01:17:33.320 you know,

01:17:33.640 I'm not going to make myself happy. 1.00

01:17:35.500 Fuck half the time. 1.00

01:17:36.380 Jesus. 1.00

01:17:36.700 I mean,

01:17:38.260 if I was happy person,

01:17:39.360 if I was,

01:17:39.880 you know,

01:17:40.600 happy,

01:17:41.160 joyous,

01:17:41.520 and free,

01:17:42.120 if I was,

01:17:45.020 I don't even know if I have this podcast,

01:17:47.300 you know,

01:17:47.480 I don't know,

01:17:48.420 but I just want to just thank you guys for putting up with me no matter who I am.

01:17:57.700 And as I learn about who I am,

01:17:59.860 you know,

01:18:00.380 it's funny.

01:18:00.860 It's like,

01:18:01.340 uh,

01:18:02.120 it really teaches me a lot about support and about unconditional.

01:18:06.940 Support.

01:18:09.820 Um,

01:18:10.260 and I hope that I can do the same for you.

01:18:13.000 You know,

01:18:13.520 whenever we have option opportunities to do that in person or,

01:18:16.160 uh,

01:18:16.940 to do that over the,

01:18:17.980 over the phone lines or whatever.

01:18:19.800 Uh,

01:18:20.240 but I just want to thank you for just being supportive of me no matter who I am

01:18:24.360 sometimes.

01:18:27.160 Um,

01:18:28.160 cause I didn't know that that's really what,

01:18:29.880 what support is.

01:18:31.700 Support sometimes is being there for someone to eat no matter who they are.

01:18:37.020 You know,

01:18:37.460 they don't do what you want or they don't behave.

01:18:40.600 So then what are you going to do?

01:18:41.720 You're just gonna,

01:18:43.320 you know,

01:18:44.020 do we abandon people then?

01:18:48.320 You know,

01:18:49.220 and you guys don't do that or,

01:18:50.840 you know,

01:18:50.980 people don't do that for me.

01:18:52.420 And so I just want to say thank you.

01:18:54.580 Um,

01:18:56.380 Oh,

01:18:56.980 some great stories,

01:18:57.840 some great calls.

01:18:58.740 Let's take another call here.

01:19:00.120 Here we go.

01:19:01.240 This was about feeling guilty about things we spend money on.

01:19:04.920 We talked about it last week,

01:19:05.860 a little bit.

01:19:06.640 Hey,

01:19:08.680 Theo,

01:19:09.820 uh,

01:19:10.080 your last episode,

01:19:11.140 you talked about your friend spending that five feet,

01:19:15.360 take yourself on a vacation.

01:19:17.660 And,

01:19:18.200 uh,

01:19:18.800 how we all kind of feel weird when we spend money on ourselves instead of saving.

01:19:23.740 I know for me,

01:19:25.320 I have a good job.

01:19:26.220 I make,

01:19:26.580 I make good money and I'm willing,

01:19:28.660 and I'm able to save.

01:19:30.300 Uh,

01:19:30.500 but I've noticed that I've strained a lot of relationships and,

01:19:34.600 and I've missed out on a lot of opportunities in life to enjoy myself just

01:19:38.600 because I was so focused on that financial saving.

01:19:42.320 And,

01:19:42.420 and you know what?

01:19:43.500 I don't want to spend that money.

01:19:44.780 I'd rather just save it.

01:19:46.220 Hmm.

01:19:47.500 Isn't that interesting?

01:19:49.920 You know,

01:19:50.440 it's so funny.

01:19:50.860 I hadn't really realized it until my friend brought it up and she's one of my

01:19:54.960 closest and dearest friends.

01:19:56.260 And when she brought that up,

01:19:57.540 I was like,

01:19:57.920 wow.

01:19:58.880 Yeah.

01:20:00.240 It feels weird doing something special for yourself.

01:20:02.760 That isn't like what the norm says we need to do with our money.

01:20:07.180 That isn't what the,

01:20:08.280 you know,

01:20:08.780 the,

01:20:09.800 Oh,

01:20:10.000 you got to do this and you got to get that.

01:20:11.760 And you got to do that.

01:20:13.560 Onward.

01:20:14.480 I've missed out on a lot of things in my life.

01:20:16.940 I've also noticed that it's going to stop me from being as happy as I could be.

01:20:22.480 I'm trying to work on that.

01:20:24.300 Trying to find that,

01:20:25.220 that middleman,

01:20:26.200 you know,

01:20:26.400 prepare for the future,

01:20:27.780 but also experience life,

01:20:31.080 enjoy life.

01:20:31.680 go out,

01:20:33.040 do things,

01:20:34.140 people,

01:20:34.520 you know,

01:20:34.700 you care about.

01:20:36.280 So just wanted to see if you had anything you could kind of talk about,

01:20:42.160 see where,

01:20:43.500 where's that middle ground.

01:20:45.520 Appreciate what you do.

01:20:46.840 Love the podcast.

01:20:48.580 Thank you,

01:20:49.260 brother.

01:20:49.520 Thank you for the call.

01:20:50.860 You know,

01:20:51.260 I don't know as you're talking,

01:20:52.680 I'm even thinking like,

01:20:54.180 man,

01:20:54.600 how scary it is to be in a place of uncertainty.

01:20:57.040 How scary it is to think,

01:21:01.720 oh,

01:21:01.920 well,

01:21:02.440 I don't know what's going to happen.

01:21:07.260 And we used to live a little bit there more.

01:21:09.460 Now we have so many,

01:21:10.440 you know,

01:21:10.620 there's,

01:21:10.920 everybody has a calendar and everybody has like a,

01:21:12.760 a planner and a text and you know,

01:21:14.860 when the person's arriving,

01:21:15.980 you know,

01:21:16.280 when they're going to get there.

01:21:17.000 And there used to be this thing of,

01:21:19.380 I don't know.

01:21:20.080 That's why it was easier then.

01:21:23.180 I think to have faith in a,

01:21:24.340 in a higher power of any kind or faith just in,

01:21:28.720 in anything.

01:21:29.540 It just,

01:21:29.880 there was more mystery in the air.

01:21:32.400 I don't know what's going to happen.

01:21:38.360 But yeah,

01:21:38.940 it's wild when you do something different.

01:21:40.620 You know,

01:21:40.940 there was a piece of art that I almost bought in South Africa a few years ago,

01:21:44.740 and it wasn't very expensive.

01:21:47.200 You know,

01:21:47.740 it was,

01:21:48.040 I think maybe $350.

01:21:49.140 And I know that's expensive,

01:21:50.760 but it was beautiful.

01:21:53.240 Instead,

01:21:53.660 I bought this other piece of art for $200.

01:21:56.740 And I didn't like the other piece of art.

01:21:59.000 I don't even like it.

01:22:01.020 And they're probably in a week that goes by that I don't think about that

01:22:03.880 beautiful painting in South Africa that I could have bought for $350.

01:22:08.520 And man,

01:22:09.040 I just didn't want to spend that extra $150.

01:22:11.440 Why?

01:22:12.800 Well,

01:22:13.160 because I need that money for this or for something or some mutual fund or 0.98

01:22:17.040 some shit or some, 0.84

01:22:18.140 I need to be able to tell my friend across the table when we're having dinner 1.00

01:22:21.260 that,

01:22:21.540 Oh,

01:22:21.580 I got a new IRA or I got the.

01:22:27.480 Why?

01:22:28.280 Because somebody said that's what I need to do.

01:22:30.840 There's a,

01:22:31.360 there's a,

01:22:31.720 there's definitely a way to plan ahead,

01:22:33.480 but to be not focused on the end,

01:22:37.740 I think.

01:22:38.960 And somehow a lot of these advertisers and stuff,

01:22:42.620 they have us focused on the end.

01:22:46.620 And then we get there and we're like, 0.99

01:22:47.880 damn. 0.99

01:22:48.920 Oh yeah. 1.00

01:22:49.300 I'm all prepared for the end.

01:22:50.440 I got money for this hospice.

01:22:51.760 I got money for this,

01:22:52.640 but I knew every step of the way.

01:22:55.760 I didn't take a risk.

01:22:56.740 I didn't take a chance.

01:22:57.640 I didn't,

01:22:59.360 you know,

01:22:59.720 and I don't have an answer,

01:23:01.240 you know,

01:23:01.500 cause I do it myself.

01:23:02.360 I'll play it safe a lot.

01:23:04.000 The only thing I haven't played it safe with was my career.

01:23:07.940 Um,

01:23:08.460 but I play it safe a lot.

01:23:11.380 So I don't know.

01:23:12.300 It's a good question,

01:23:13.140 man.

01:23:13.280 you know,

01:23:16.080 I don't know,

01:23:17.360 you know,

01:23:18.620 and there's no right way to do life.

01:23:20.140 There's no,

01:23:21.340 we don't know what we're doing.

01:23:25.520 And you know,

01:23:26.100 that's something I,

01:23:26.860 I heard,

01:23:27.500 I heard recently somebody say,

01:23:28.960 man,

01:23:29.160 I hope I'm always a student.

01:23:35.260 And that's where,

01:23:36.240 you know,

01:23:36.400 I want to try and stay is in the space of being always a student if I can.

01:23:39.520 And I know when I start to get in my own ego and my own will,

01:23:41.800 I can really feel when I start thinking,

01:23:43.620 I know.

01:23:44.400 So I hate it,

01:23:45.580 man.

01:23:45.960 I get so sick of myself sometimes.

01:23:49.120 You know,

01:23:49.600 when we were talking last week about,

01:23:51.160 uh,

01:23:51.520 relying on others and,

01:23:53.180 and I,

01:23:54.620 and that's,

01:23:55.120 and then,

01:23:55.800 or about,

01:23:56.600 I don't like working with other people when,

01:23:58.860 um,

01:24:00.160 but then sometimes I also don't like working with myself,

01:24:03.420 you know,

01:24:04.640 and life is a middle ground.

01:24:06.260 You know,

01:24:06.760 you're,

01:24:06.960 you're asking me what the,

01:24:07.840 what's the middle ground?

01:24:08.720 I don't,

01:24:09.020 I don't know,

01:24:10.240 but man,

01:24:10.860 I bet it's a beautiful place.

01:24:16.860 Um,

01:24:17.500 yeah.

01:24:20.940 So I just want to thank you guys,

01:24:22.660 uh,

01:24:23.260 for being a part of the episode.

01:24:25.120 I'll see some of you this week in Portland and Seattle and Vancouver and Boise.

01:24:28.740 Um,

01:24:30.100 and,

01:24:35.600 yeah,

01:24:37.280 I'm just thinking like,

01:24:38.160 how do we be brave enough to make choices that might be different?

01:24:46.860 To not know what that outcome is.

01:24:50.600 To tell a truth that we're afraid is going to expose us for who we are.

01:24:56.380 It's scary.

01:25:02.260 It's really scary,

01:25:03.400 man.

01:25:03.600 It's,

01:25:03.940 it is a,

01:25:06.160 I mean,

01:25:07.440 it's a game of thrones,

01:25:08.520 man.

01:25:09.620 It's a game of thrones out here.

01:25:12.780 But sometimes we're all the characters.

01:25:14.580 And we're the castles and we're the dark corridors and we're the,

01:25:19.640 you know,

01:25:25.480 so it just,

01:25:27.280 it's amazing,

01:25:29.420 man.

01:25:30.680 We're all of it.

01:25:31.680 Sometimes.

01:25:32.940 Where the hell is Westeros anyway?

01:25:34.920 Is it in Italy?

01:25:35.680 I'm guessing.

01:25:37.340 I got to,

01:25:37.760 I got to peep some of that out.

01:25:40.840 Um,

01:25:41.520 no,

01:25:43.120 maybe Newfoundland.

01:25:44.100 I don't know.

01:25:45.140 Um, 0.95

01:25:45.980 I've never even fucking heard of it. 0.95

01:25:47.160 The more I think about it, 0.98

01:25:48.060 what I'll say is this,

01:25:50.360 man,

01:25:50.640 let's,

01:25:51.100 uh,

01:25:51.720 let's convene next time.

01:25:52.820 I want to thank everybody that called in with these magical stories from their

01:25:55.460 youth.

01:25:56.400 And,

01:25:56.900 um,

01:25:57.280 and again,

01:25:57.720 we'll leave out here on this song.

01:25:59.200 Yeah.

01:25:59.520 I'm going to think a little bit more.

01:26:00.400 I realized that when it comes to dealing with other people,

01:26:02.560 I talked about this last week.

01:26:03.640 I don't like to rely on others.

01:26:07.080 That was the word that I finally found this week.

01:26:09.560 Relying.

01:26:11.580 I don't like to rely on somebody else.

01:26:16.260 It scares me at the roots of my radish.

01:26:22.680 Uh,

01:26:23.200 this song is Jameson flood every night.

01:26:27.380 I lie awake.

01:26:28.440 I feel like a fake.

01:26:30.400 I put on a show.

01:26:34.360 Yes,

01:26:34.760 it's just life.

01:26:35.940 We're here.

01:26:36.980 Thank you guys.

01:26:38.060 Uh,

01:26:38.260 be good to yourselves.

01:26:39.980 And I'm going to try to be good to myself.

01:26:42.800 Um,

01:26:43.760 and thank you for all the warm messages.

01:26:45.180 I get it from a lot of people when I'm not really doing well.

01:26:47.940 And,

01:26:48.180 you know,

01:26:48.940 sometimes there's been,

01:26:49.980 there's a lot of letters and stuff I get when I'm traveling.

01:26:52.560 I never read them.

01:26:53.400 And it's not that I don't want you to think that I don't care.

01:26:55.920 Some of them,

01:26:57.200 I feel like they're just,

01:26:58.160 you know,

01:26:58.380 it's to me.

01:26:59.060 And so I don't know if that's okay to share at a group level.

01:27:01.940 And then some of them,

01:27:03.700 um, 0.98

01:27:05.180 some of them are insane. 1.00

01:27:06.340 Some of them are cut together with newspaper clippings and shit. 1.00

01:27:08.540 I'm like, 0.99

01:27:08.780 this is,

01:27:09.680 this could be,

01:27:11.020 this could be a murderer.

01:27:12.580 So,

01:27:12.720 but this is Jameson flood every night.

01:27:29.220 Every night.

01:27:33.840 Every night.

01:27:34.880 I lie away.

01:27:39.520 Every night.

01:27:40.600 I feel like a fake.

01:27:42.340 I put on a show.

01:27:44.220 Knowing nobody will go.

01:27:52.160 Every night.

01:27:53.280 You sleep.

01:27:56.800 Every night.

01:27:57.960 I don't play a piece.

01:27:59.720 Steal your things.

01:28:00.860 Let you know.

01:28:02.000 But you still don't believe.

01:28:04.880 That it was me.

01:28:12.060 It was me.

01:28:22.720 It was me.

01:28:27.940 Oh,

01:28:28.400 Oh,

01:28:30.240 Oh,

01:28:30.860 Oh,

01:28:32.520 Oh,

01:28:34.180 Oh,

01:28:34.680 Oh,

01:28:34.880 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

01:28:50.000 The answer may shock you.

01:28:51.740 Sometimes I'll interview my friends. Sometimes I won't.

01:28:55.480 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

01:28:58.420 You have three new voice messages.

01:29:01.000 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

01:29:03.920 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long. Longer than anybody else. So great.

01:29:10.040 Aye, sweetheart. Here's a deal. Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. 1.00

01:29:16.920 Jermaine. 1.00

01:29:18.160 Ho-ho! I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

01:29:22.000 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:29:24.080 Ho-ho-ho! No! 1.00

01:29:26.300 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

01:29:28.760 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:29:32.760 Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:29:37.220 Third rule.

01:29:38.140 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.

01:29:40.880 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:29:42.960 And yes, don't worry.

01:29:44.260 My Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - June 10, 2019

First Time for Everything ｜ This Past Weekend #205

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