This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Gary Owen

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00:01:10.880 Today's guest is one of America's most loved crossover comedians.

00:01:16.200 He has a podcast called Get Some.

00:01:19.080 You may know him from Think Like a Man.

00:01:20.640 He's a very funny guy, and I've run into him a couple times recently

00:01:27.140 and happy to have him here today.

00:01:29.180 Mr. Gary Owen.

00:01:30.880 Dude, no, but thank you for your patience, man.

00:01:46.500 I'm sorry that I was late.

00:01:47.960 No, thanks.

00:01:49.160 I went to a chiropractor, bro.

00:01:51.660 What?

00:01:53.340 Dude, you think you look like this just automatically, dog?

00:01:56.520 No, my fault.

00:01:57.460 I always think chiropractors scare me because I think they'll fix the problem,

00:02:01.680 but then they'll also fuck up something else and you come back, you know, like this.

00:02:05.600 All right, my sixth vertebrae is great, but now this third one,

00:02:09.380 and I think they do it just a little bit, so we're going to give him eight months.

00:02:12.580 Yeah.

00:02:12.860 And then when he comes back, you know what I mean?

00:02:14.680 Then he'll come up with something.

00:02:15.840 Oh, you were hiking?

00:02:17.300 Oh, yeah, that's it.

00:02:19.080 Yeah, they kind of, yeah, they put something into your bones.

00:02:21.300 Are we cruising, Nick?

00:02:22.020 We are.

00:02:22.320 Yeah, they put something into your bones that, like, oh, well, this will, yeah.

00:02:26.040 They set you at, like, three months.

00:02:27.600 They set that knee at three months.

00:02:29.060 I'm telling you, man.

00:02:29.660 That layup.

00:02:30.360 Nobody's ever gone to a chiropractor and just stopped.

00:02:32.400 Yeah.

00:02:33.360 They come back.

00:02:34.640 You know what I mean?

00:02:35.360 It's hard.

00:02:35.940 Like, I don't trust them.

00:02:36.700 Like, they're like mechanics.

00:02:38.340 Yeah, they're like mechanics.

00:02:39.440 I want to get them oil changed, and they bring out some filter.

00:02:41.760 They're like this.

00:02:42.140 I got a Camaro.

00:02:43.620 That's a Toyota filter.

00:02:46.960 Yeah.

00:02:48.120 They bring back a sunroof.

00:02:51.240 You don't even have one.

00:02:52.060 Yeah.

00:02:53.920 I've never in my life have I gone and got an oil change when I had shitty cars, and they

00:03:00.580 just went, all right, $19.

00:03:02.620 Like, the thing says on the marquee, you walk out of there, it's $60.

00:03:07.920 Like, they get you on something.

00:03:09.140 Yeah, they're like that.

00:03:09.740 It's 19.

00:03:10.380 It makes you feel like your car cannot go.

00:03:12.120 Yeah.

00:03:12.840 We find a used squirrel in your catalytic converter.

00:03:16.400 That's what they used to get my dad with all the time.

00:03:18.680 Oh, they had a mouse in your catalytic converter.

00:03:20.980 Catalytic converter.

00:03:22.480 The guy would be like, just give me $40, man.

00:03:24.540 We'll handle it.

00:03:25.700 Hey, man, your flux capacitor.

00:03:27.520 You're not going to be able to travel back in time.

00:03:29.120 Oh, you're time traveling, man.

00:03:30.200 We got to shut you down, man.

00:03:31.200 Yeah.

00:03:31.420 Sorry about that.

00:03:32.100 Yeah.

00:03:32.280 The government says it's $200.

00:03:33.880 It's just written on the wall, $200 for time traveling.

00:03:36.300 Right.

00:03:36.700 Yeah.

00:03:37.120 It's charging.

00:03:37.660 It's coming, baby.

00:03:38.420 Yeah.

00:03:39.920 Yeah.

00:03:40.540 Chiropractor's dangerous, man.

00:03:41.400 I went in there, and this lady laid me down, too, dude.

00:03:45.080 She was, I think, Scottish or something, man.

00:03:48.600 Fuck, I felt Scottish by the time she was back in there, dude.

00:03:50.900 She was deep at some point.

00:03:52.720 Just want to go watch Braveheart?

00:03:54.320 Bro, I can feel my grandparents just building up in my cheeks, bro.

00:03:57.120 She had me just reminiscing, bro.

00:03:59.920 See, some professions should be women.

00:04:03.060 I don't like the whole we're all the same.

00:04:06.240 If I go to the dentist, I don't want a dental assistant to be a dude.

00:04:09.940 Yeah.

00:04:10.220 I don't want some man hands in my molars.

00:04:12.160 Yeah.

00:04:12.340 I don't want some nice, soft, female-type shit going on.

00:04:16.820 You know what I mean?

00:04:18.340 That's, some jobs should not be, when I had my knee surgery, I remember I couldn't, I

00:04:25.020 couldn't piss or shit, so.

00:04:27.920 Because you want pills?

00:04:29.140 Yeah, just knee surgery, and I couldn't eat until I pissed.

00:04:32.360 I couldn't, I wasn't allowed to eat.

00:04:34.080 So, the nurse came in, they go, look, we can either wait this out, you want a catheter?

00:04:38.940 You couldn't eat until you pissed?

00:04:40.420 Yeah.

00:04:40.820 I wasn't allowed to eat anything.

00:04:41.840 I could drink water, but I wasn't allowed to eat.

00:04:44.040 They had to make sure everything was moving correctly, I guess, after the surgery.

00:04:46.480 Oh, I see what you're saying.

00:04:47.580 I thought this was, like, some kind of, like, weird, like, you were in that movie Saw or

00:04:51.200 something.

00:04:51.440 No, no, no.

00:04:52.640 Like, you get out of surgery, and then they're like, you know, just, the guy's with you,

00:04:57.640 now you gotta piss.

00:04:58.360 Yeah.

00:04:58.680 Or you can eat anything.

00:04:59.840 So, it had been a while.

00:05:01.540 So, the lady nurse came in, and she literally goes, look, here, we can do the catheter and

00:05:07.140 get the piss, and then you can eat?

00:05:08.780 Yeah.

00:05:09.500 You know, we can wait a couple more hours, what are you gonna do?

00:05:11.520 I said, I'm starving.

00:05:12.520 Just do it.

00:05:13.500 She goes, now, are you comfortable with me doing it, or would you like me to get a guy to do it?

00:05:15.980 I literally went, why would I want a guy?

00:05:18.280 I remember looking there, like, so, really?

00:05:20.980 People say that?

00:05:21.860 I go, and all that thing was, I was trying to tell her, like, look, it's not where it

00:05:26.000 should be.

00:05:26.540 Yeah.

00:05:26.920 Right now.

00:05:27.700 It's surgery, and, you know, it's very Ken Jeong hangover popping off right now.

00:05:36.020 Dang, dude.

00:05:36.600 Yeah, that's true.

00:05:37.300 Especially, like, a fireman or something.

00:05:38.980 I don't want somebody to be like, yeah, we're sending Barb up if you're in a burning building.

00:05:42.360 Right.

00:05:42.940 Fuck Barb, dog.

00:05:43.880 You ain't lying.

00:05:45.120 Fuck Barb, dude.

00:05:46.000 Some professions got to be men and women.

00:05:48.720 Yeah.

00:05:49.300 Even when I was in the Navy, when I joined the Navy, women weren't allowed on combat ships.

00:05:55.100 Right.

00:05:55.380 So, women had it made.

00:05:57.460 They were on shore duty, and when you're on shore duty, you get extra money.

00:06:00.460 They give you extra money to go get an apartment, live on town.

00:06:03.300 It's a nine-to-five job when you're shore duty.

00:06:05.540 When you're on a ship, it sucks, because you're in racks that are three high.

00:06:09.660 You know, burning the area sucks.

00:06:10.900 There's no privacy.

00:06:12.340 But women, there's a few women that were fighting for equal rights, and I was thinking, why the

00:06:16.820 fuck would you want to be on a ship?

00:06:18.780 Yeah.

00:06:19.060 You got it made right now.

00:06:20.680 And it's always like, a few women, we want the same ride.

00:06:23.400 I'm like, this is stupid.

00:06:24.620 Yeah.

00:06:24.740 I mean, it literally makes their quality of life worse.

00:06:27.980 Right.

00:06:28.640 Than better.

00:06:29.380 They could have shut up and been fine.

00:06:30.780 But do you think that some of them actually want that, or do you think it's some people

00:06:34.140 that just want to, they just have to argue for something sometimes?

00:06:39.300 And they just want to win.

00:06:40.780 Yeah, that's what it is.

00:06:41.080 It doesn't benefit them.

00:06:41.920 They want to win.

00:06:42.980 Right.

00:06:43.320 They don't even realize you're not really winning.

00:06:45.180 Yeah.

00:06:45.900 You're losing after this.

00:06:46.920 And if you asked, a lot of men would prefer to take a bullet for a woman, or at least when

00:06:52.180 I was younger, it seemed like a lot of men would take a bullet for a woman.

00:06:54.880 Nowadays, it'd be like, you know, let's front some of these bitches, you know, and put them

00:06:58.860 out front.

00:06:59.340 Well, I will say, when I was first in the Navy and women weren't allowed on combat ships,

00:07:05.340 the first ship I was on had women.

00:07:07.780 The second one didn't.

00:07:10.180 Ain't like you got to be banging them.

00:07:11.900 Right.

00:07:11.960 You just got to be around some women, man.

00:07:13.620 You go for a month in the middle of the ocean with a thousand dudes, and you don't see one

00:07:19.400 female, and that shit fucks with your head a little bit.

00:07:21.920 Does it?

00:07:22.680 Man, you come back, you ready to bang Precious.

00:07:25.860 Oh, yeah.

00:07:26.900 You're like this.

00:07:27.620 Dang.

00:07:27.960 Oh, you better to bang Semi Precious, dude.

00:07:30.720 You're like, anybody want some chicken?

00:07:33.100 Like, you want to go steal some?

00:07:34.680 Like the movie?

00:07:35.680 Does your mom hurt you?

00:07:38.460 It's like, even when you're out at sea, when you're out at sea with women on ships, the

00:07:42.400 first couple weeks, some of the women, you're like, ah, I'm good.

00:07:45.960 Yeah.

00:07:46.060 You know, and then a month in, you're like, you've been working out?

00:07:49.540 I know.

00:07:49.980 You know, and then by two months, it's 800 Halle Berrys on that ship.

00:07:53.800 Wow.

00:07:54.120 Like this.

00:07:54.760 Dang.

00:07:55.340 Stockholm syndrome.

00:07:56.240 It is, huh?

00:07:56.780 We're seeing the same women day to day.

00:07:58.600 You start to just, man, gravitate to them.

00:08:00.960 Yeah, I remember, I remember, so you're saying, so then there is a, it sounds like there is

00:08:07.720 a real advantage to just having women around, even on the boat.

00:08:11.280 There is something nice about just there being an opposite sex around.

00:08:15.000 Oh, yeah.

00:08:15.840 Like I said, you ain't got to be messed around and touch them just to walk by, have a scent.

00:08:21.520 Right.

00:08:22.120 Of a woman.

00:08:22.880 Just to know that a woman's around.

00:08:24.380 Yeah, and it's something, I mean, something that eases the tension.

00:08:28.120 Yeah.

00:08:28.320 You know what I mean?

00:08:28.760 Even if you, even if there's innocent flirting, I was single, so even if there's innocent flirting,

00:08:32.640 like we had this one girl, her name was Love, I'll never forget it.

00:08:36.720 Best ass, right?

00:08:38.020 And Navy had, we had dungarees.

00:08:40.220 A black lady, I know, a black girl named Love.

00:08:42.060 Oh, yeah, it was a black lady.

00:08:44.500 She was dating a couple of the Chargers because we were staying in San Diego, and to be a Navy girl

00:08:48.480 dating a couple NFL ballplayers, like you had to be looking good.

00:08:51.960 Because you're up against the top of the top competition.

00:08:54.720 Yeah.

00:08:55.220 And I just remember her stencil was sewn in, but I'd still would be like, you know, I was

00:09:00.420 a cop when I was in Navy.

00:09:02.080 I'd be like, Love, let me see your stencil.

00:09:04.000 And she'd turn around like, are you good?

00:09:06.340 Because the stencil ain't right, you got to tell them to go fix it and mark it in.

00:09:09.640 Because some people have markers, some people sewed it in.

00:09:11.660 Hers was sewn in, I'd still be like, Love, let me see that stencil.

00:09:15.740 That was good for me.

00:09:18.620 Dude, I wonder if it's the same girl.

00:09:20.060 You know a Love?

00:09:22.120 I know a girl named Love, yeah.

00:09:22.880 From San Diego?

00:09:23.500 A young black woman, yeah.

00:09:25.100 But I don't know, she wasn't from San Diego, she was Stacey of San Diego.

00:09:28.200 Yeah.

00:09:28.620 She had to be from the South.

00:09:30.660 The way her build was, she had to be from the South.

00:09:32.640 Yeah.

00:09:33.080 There were some grits.

00:09:34.040 I'll have to see, really?

00:09:34.880 I'm a diet.

00:09:35.480 Yeah.

00:09:36.520 Dude, I meant, someone was going to ask you about, just a second ago, we were talking

00:09:40.660 about the military, oh yeah, they used to have a thing, so I went and did just some, just

00:09:45.520 a different military base tours and stuff, I'm sure you've done some of those, and they

00:09:49.560 had one, we went to Guantanamo Bay, and they had the term Gitmo Pretty, and it was

00:09:54.620 like, after a couple days down there, you're like, yeah, that lady, dude, keep me away

00:09:59.300 from her.

00:10:00.200 And by five days down there, you're like, hey, where's that lady?

00:10:03.260 Right.

00:10:04.720 Facts.

00:10:05.660 Any shit, man.

00:10:06.960 At any military base.

00:10:08.300 You're like, damn, Burdette is looking hot as fuck out here.

00:10:10.920 Good Lord, Pascal.

00:10:12.580 Yeah.

00:10:13.180 They had a big girl named Galaxy was her name, I remember, Galaxy Wilson.

00:10:16.720 Her last name was Galaxy?

00:10:17.920 First name.

00:10:19.120 Galaxy Wilson, bro.

00:10:20.260 I'm like, damn, Galaxy.

00:10:22.480 Fucking moons over Miami, bro.

00:10:24.600 Yeah, let me be a part of that solar system.

00:10:26.240 Blast me into that fucking, into that atmosphere, bro.

00:10:29.400 Dude, thanks so much for coming in, man.

00:10:34.800 Yeah, no problem.

00:10:35.740 What's going on?

00:10:36.240 You live in Cincinnati, huh?

00:10:37.540 Appreciate that.

00:10:38.520 Thanks for being on time, man.

00:10:39.200 Well, look, man, I know you like to work in a lot of the black circles, so I'm

00:10:41.860 wondering if you're freaking.

00:10:43.740 I wanted to be late.

00:10:45.080 Well, I thought.

00:10:46.460 That's why I got here early.

00:10:47.340 I'm going to prove to him we're not all like that.

00:10:50.160 Hey, Theo's stuck in traffic.

00:10:51.640 Whoa, he's in LA.

00:10:52.720 I guess he didn't see that coming.

00:10:54.660 You know what I mean?

00:10:56.980 Way to point ahead, Theo.

00:10:57.860 Theo, do you, so you, you've had a great, you've had probably the greatest career for

00:11:02.920 someone that doesn't live in Los Angeles or New York.

00:11:06.120 Hmm.

00:11:06.960 Maybe.

00:11:07.880 I don't know.

00:11:09.440 Yeah, I never, I lived here for a little bit, but my career took off really when I

00:11:14.140 left.

00:11:15.040 Went back to Ohio.

00:11:16.540 Because you know that, I mean, that never happens, but that's not most people's story.

00:11:22.320 Yeah.

00:11:22.660 Why would, I would fly out whenever I was needed in LA or New York.

00:11:26.480 Yeah.

00:11:26.800 And you know, we just kind of, yeah, I don't know any of the, I hear, I was talking to

00:11:33.620 your guys before I got here about, you know, there's very much a click, the comedy store

00:11:40.280 comics.

00:11:41.180 You guys are like your own little click, you know, because you see each other so much.

00:11:45.060 And I'm totally not in the loop.

00:11:47.200 I'm almost like a Bigfoot.

00:11:48.560 Right.

00:11:48.980 There's sightings of me.

00:11:50.160 Oh, yeah.

00:11:50.920 In LA.

00:11:51.680 Like, even when you saw me at the airport.

00:11:53.120 Oh, yeah.

00:11:53.540 There's Gary Allen.

00:11:55.040 Gary Allen.

00:11:56.000 Oh, it's crazy.

00:11:57.340 Well, it's almost kind of nice because it's almost like you're then like a celebrity to

00:12:01.340 LA.

00:12:02.680 Oh, yeah.

00:12:03.180 Because I've never seen.

00:12:04.160 Because you're, yeah, you're like so rare.

00:12:05.760 It's like, yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if I saw Dwayne The Rock Johnson.

00:12:08.260 I've seen him twice in LA.

00:12:09.760 I've only seen you once in LA.

00:12:11.360 And that was at the airport on the way out.

00:12:13.020 Yeah.

00:12:13.680 We had a live room in Minnesota.

00:12:14.940 Where were you going that weekend?

00:12:16.380 Uh, I don't know.

00:12:17.560 Yeah.

00:12:17.680 We were in Minnesota.

00:12:18.360 Remember that?

00:12:18.840 That was the layover.

00:12:20.120 Yeah.

00:12:20.440 God, what the fuck?

00:12:21.100 Beautiful airport, too.

00:12:22.120 Big, though.

00:12:22.880 That's a big-ass airport.

00:12:24.340 Jesus.

00:12:24.760 It's almost too big.

00:12:25.560 Yeah.

00:12:26.020 I think the Metrodome's somewhere in there.

00:12:27.580 I remember at one point, I remember crossing a 40-yard line at somebody.

00:12:32.440 Somebody fumbled around on Aunt Andy's.

00:12:34.700 That would be great if the football stadium's attached to the airport.

00:12:37.320 Just watch the game from the side.

00:12:39.620 Well, now a lot of the airport's got the hotels right there.

00:12:42.020 Detroit's got that Westin right in it.

00:12:44.440 Oh, yeah.

00:12:44.640 If I have a three-hour layover, dude, sometimes I'll bust a coin and get that lay down.

00:12:48.760 For a little while.

00:12:49.600 Let's get a room.

00:12:50.120 Well, Atlanta's got the minute suites.

00:12:51.760 You seen that?

00:12:52.420 Mm-mm.

00:12:53.100 You can rent a room for like an hour.

00:12:54.740 Oh, wow.

00:12:55.740 I don't know what it is.

00:12:56.460 Like $30?

00:12:57.420 I did it.

00:12:58.240 I had like a...

00:13:00.420 Oh, I was coming back from Japan.

00:13:02.300 Mm-hmm.

00:13:02.900 I landed at like 5 in the morning, and my next flight went to like 11.

00:13:07.480 So I bought that thing for three hours.

00:13:09.620 Damn.

00:13:09.920 Was it good?

00:13:10.660 Yeah.

00:13:10.940 It's like your own room.

00:13:12.460 It's got cable, outlets, a bed.

00:13:15.880 You know, the bathroom you have to leave.

00:13:17.320 You don't have to go in the hallway, but there's a bathroom for the pods, but it's like a little

00:13:21.220 pod.

00:13:22.200 It's cool, though.

00:13:23.360 You know what?

00:13:23.880 I was in Australia a couple weeks ago, and they had at the airport in this one area that

00:13:27.360 just had like these kind of like...

00:13:28.900 Looked like a big molar, actually, with a roll top, like those roll top desks, and you

00:13:33.380 could get in there.

00:13:34.260 Like an egg?

00:13:34.900 Yeah, like an egg.

00:13:35.780 Like Mork and Mindy?

00:13:37.420 Yep.

00:13:37.580 You pay like $3 or $4 and get in that egg, and that's that.

00:13:41.260 And it's right in the airport?

00:13:42.160 I mean, just literally, there were kids running around through them playing games and shit.

00:13:47.100 And you're in the egg, locked in.

00:13:48.440 You're in there sleeping, yeah.

00:13:49.660 I mean, I think you lock yourself in from the inside.

00:13:51.140 Are you bringing a lady in there?

00:13:52.180 I don't know, dude.

00:13:54.860 Make a little bit of fucking...

00:13:56.020 What was you doing in Australia?

00:13:57.160 Performing?

00:13:57.620 Egg salad, bro.

00:13:59.640 Yeah, I was doing shows over there.

00:14:00.920 I've never, I've never, outside of military bases, I've never, only place I've been outside

00:14:07.060 the country is Guam and London.

00:14:13.000 That's been it.

00:14:13.820 Well, Canada, but that's kind of America, too.

00:14:16.660 Yeah.

00:14:17.340 Australia's kind of Canada, but way, like, it's Canada with more of a criminal element,

00:14:22.140 you know, because a lot of criminals, that whole country's based on criminalia, or, you

00:14:26.460 know, people that did crime.

00:14:28.780 Where did you get that statistic from?

00:14:30.440 Crime.

00:14:31.160 Uh, just from being alive, I guess.

00:14:33.420 Like, I'm just buying it, like, really?

00:14:35.260 I go, never heard that.

00:14:38.380 He was just breaking off shit.

00:14:40.100 Yeah, like Ohio.

00:14:42.180 Ohio was founded by Capone, you know, he was running drugs through there, and he just named

00:14:47.020 it Ohio.

00:14:47.620 Do you ever feel left out because you don't live in LA or New York?

00:14:50.840 No, no, never do.

00:14:52.980 I'm so busy as it is.

00:14:54.700 You know, even if I, when I get off the road, the last thing I want to do is go to a comedy

00:14:59.220 club, because I do it so much.

00:15:01.420 Well, I know a lot of the guys in LA, they're, you know, they're, they're at the comedy clubs

00:15:06.160 every night.

00:15:06.800 And I, I did that when I was out here.

00:15:08.640 So I feel like I got it out of my system.

00:15:11.080 But it hurts a different vibe at the comedy store now.

00:15:13.120 I heard there's different management and ownership and everything else.

00:15:16.080 Because I, when I first started, I did the whole wait in line for three hours to open

00:15:21.680 mic.

00:15:21.960 Oh, yeah.

00:15:22.860 And, and this is not an indictment on Mitzi Shore.

00:15:25.240 I'm sure she's a nice lady.

00:15:26.900 But what she did to me, I was like, I will never perform here.

00:15:31.460 That's why I'm never there.

00:15:32.400 She iced you, huh?

00:15:33.540 Well, I wait in line.

00:15:34.720 I did the, I did what you're supposed to do for like two, three weeks.

00:15:37.600 Right.

00:15:37.900 And then I got, I got picked a showcase.

00:15:41.140 So five, five of a showcase that night.

00:15:43.640 And it was four.

00:15:43.960 Do you remember the other ones?

00:15:44.840 It was four women.

00:15:45.940 I was the only dude.

00:15:46.580 I don't know who the other women were, but there was four women and me and I was the

00:15:50.480 fifth.

00:15:51.480 So the four women and all of them.

00:15:52.100 Were you the only black guy to perform to?

00:15:53.420 Pretty much.

00:15:56.060 It's like, do you remember who the other people were?

00:15:57.860 Chris Tucker, Chappelle.

00:15:59.760 So I don't know why I didn't get picked.

00:16:02.020 It was four.

00:16:02.620 But when, when I went up and you only get five minutes, I looked in the back of the

00:16:07.360 original room and she was like holding court with the four girls and wasn't watching

00:16:13.320 me.

00:16:13.700 And then I got called the next day and they go, yeah, you didn't get picked to be a regular.

00:16:19.140 I said, what?

00:16:20.220 And not to sound conceited, but I clearly had the best set.

00:16:23.200 Yeah.

00:16:23.820 Like it wasn't even close.

00:16:24.720 Look, we know we have a good set and we don't.

00:16:26.560 And I was like, I didn't get picked.

00:16:28.760 And then when I found out the girls did, I was like, I'm out.

00:16:33.060 I'll never perform here.

00:16:34.280 So you had a real, you had a real resentment then.

00:16:37.660 Towards her a little bit.

00:16:38.680 Yeah.

00:16:38.900 Just because I felt like I did what you were supposed to do.

00:16:41.040 Now, if none of us would have got picked, I'd have been like, all right.

00:16:43.900 But, and honestly, I knew my stuff wasn't hacky.

00:16:47.600 You know what I mean?

00:16:48.060 I knew it was some original stuff.

00:16:49.740 Yeah.

00:16:50.140 So I was just like, I didn't get picked.

00:16:52.180 It just didn't make any sense.

00:16:53.020 And I go, she just didn't watch me.

00:16:55.180 So for whatever reason, it is what it is.

00:16:56.940 But I've never performed, never been back.

00:16:59.260 Well, did it make you feel like it wasn't fair?

00:17:00.800 Like, I'm just curious.

00:17:01.260 Like a, cause I mean, yeah, you hear all kinds of stuff about Mitzi Shore.

00:17:04.380 I mean, obviously, you know, she's run like one of the best clubs, you know, like, I think

00:17:07.880 her, like, I don't know all of it, but like her, you know, she got the club finally from

00:17:12.120 her husband or something.

00:17:13.900 I think like there was some other ownership.

00:17:15.540 Um, you know, you hear that she never paid people.

00:17:18.780 People went on strike.

00:17:20.520 Um, you know, you hear all kinds of stuff.

00:17:22.820 I mean, you know, there's tons of history out of that building.

00:17:25.180 I mean, she was also a woman that started a business, you know?

00:17:27.740 So like, I think that was a, you know, there weren't a lot of women doing that in the comedy

00:17:31.140 space at the time.

00:17:32.820 Um, but yeah, I mean, you hear all kinds of stuff that she was dating half the comedians.

00:17:37.100 I mean, there's tons of things you hear.

00:17:38.440 Yeah.

00:17:38.700 I mean, I'm saying she's probably a nice lady.

00:17:41.400 I'm not saying she's a bad person, but that, that night I was like, man, fuck this place.

00:17:47.440 Well, did that make you feel like you weren't going to have any opportunities in LA overall?

00:17:50.960 Oh, no, it, it got me all fired up.

00:17:53.840 And a lot of people know this.

00:17:54.940 I ran, I ran the, um, the main room for two years on Guy Tourist Fat Tuesday because

00:18:03.260 I'm in St. Louis and Guy said, man, I gotta let it go.

00:18:05.240 I'm too busy.

00:18:05.740 I said, you can't let it go, dude.

00:18:06.740 That's like, that's like the black spot on Tuesday at the comedy store.

00:18:09.940 Yeah.

00:18:10.220 I said, let me take it over.

00:18:11.240 I said, I won't change shit.

00:18:12.440 I was running.

00:18:13.220 Me and my wife was running it and nobody knew I was behind it because I just wouldn't show

00:18:17.680 up.

00:18:17.980 I would just, but it was funny because my wife would like, we were booking it.

00:18:21.580 Right.

00:18:21.980 And then people would be like talking shit about other comics and stuff like comics do sometimes.

00:18:27.680 And she'd come back and give me feedback.

00:18:29.300 And sometimes if he talks shit about me, I was like, really?

00:18:33.240 But I never held against him.

00:18:34.440 I wouldn't like not book somebody and take them off.

00:18:37.060 I was just like, I just thought comics do that.

00:18:39.060 Cause there's a, there's a little bit of bitch in all of us at some point.

00:18:42.620 You know what I mean?

00:18:43.300 So you're going to have days and, and nights where you're, you're just, you want to blame

00:18:48.240 somebody when you don't realize it's just a business.

00:18:50.840 It is what it is.

00:18:52.060 Yeah.

00:18:52.180 That's another thing.

00:18:52.880 Yeah.

00:18:53.000 It's just a business.

00:18:53.740 It's like, yeah.

00:18:54.780 I mean, even going back to the Mitzi short thing, it's like, you know, people could say

00:18:59.640 that, you know, you'll hear that she didn't pay comics, but you also don't know if she

00:19:04.280 was getting a shittier deal because she was a woman in certain circles.

00:19:08.240 You know, you just don't know.

00:19:09.140 It's like, you don't know how, like what the business is always, you don't know everybody's

00:19:13.360 ang, everybody's how everybody's dealing with it.

00:19:15.600 And you know, you know, with her seeing open micers all day, every day, she might've been

00:19:21.840 having like, I'm fucking done today.

00:19:23.800 I ain't got time to see this guy.

00:19:25.140 Or maybe some man in the business had been a dick to her that day.

00:19:27.660 And she's like, you know what?

00:19:28.640 I just saw.

00:19:29.680 Right.

00:19:30.340 You don't know.

00:19:31.240 You just don't know.

00:19:31.980 Back then I was like, fuck this shit.

00:19:34.000 Now it's more just the story.

00:19:35.420 It's my story.

00:19:36.220 Right.

00:19:36.480 You know, it's not, I'm not mad.

00:19:38.480 I've never said a bad word about her in public or anything.

00:19:42.100 It's just, it is what it happened.

00:19:43.900 Yeah.

00:19:44.120 I'm just like, but that night.

00:19:46.380 Fuck.

00:19:46.940 I was pissed.

00:19:47.480 Oh, I can imagine.

00:19:48.300 Fuck the comedy store.

00:19:49.540 Fuck Encino Man.

00:19:52.960 Fuck the Jersey Shore.

00:19:55.160 Anything with a short and I was done.

00:19:57.220 Want to go surfing?

00:19:57.980 Fuck you, man.

00:19:58.920 I'm going to the pool.

00:19:59.840 Fuck Gulf Shores, Alabama.

00:20:01.920 Yeah.

00:20:02.840 Fuck Floribama, the bar, that shitty bar that's down there where people always get date

00:20:06.460 raped, but to decent music.

00:20:08.840 Sorry.

00:20:10.000 But look, dude, if you're going to get a date rape, get a date rape to some, you know,

00:20:12.560 some easy listening.

00:20:13.680 You know what I'm saying?

00:20:15.100 To some Skinner, bro.

00:20:16.540 I don't want to get date rape to some damn trick daddy.

00:20:18.900 You know what I'm saying?

00:20:19.740 I want to get date rape.

00:20:20.340 Skinnered?

00:20:20.740 Yeah.

00:20:21.140 Okay.

00:20:21.800 Something legit.

00:20:22.660 Like this.

00:20:23.700 Yeah.

00:20:24.220 Sounds good, Theo.

00:20:24.720 Yeah.

00:20:24.940 I'm not Brendan Schwab.

00:20:28.220 I'm not agreeing with you.

00:20:29.160 I'm just kidding.

00:20:30.160 No, that's all right.

00:20:32.300 Dude, yeah, Brendan will go in and see a definite agreement mode.

00:20:36.140 I get that in podcasts when I'm talking to somebody.

00:20:37.920 I'll just have no idea what's going on.

00:20:39.860 They disagree with you?

00:20:40.320 I can agree with them.

00:20:41.340 Yeah.

00:20:41.500 Like, hey, we're thinking about killing your whole family.

00:20:44.140 Like, oh, that's a great idea, man.

00:20:45.460 Awesome.

00:20:46.060 Yeah, man.

00:20:46.940 Yeah, my mom's a bitch.

00:20:48.220 But yeah, it's like sometimes you just don't know.

00:20:49.840 It's like, you know, it's like we just don't know sometimes what everybody else is dealing

00:20:54.460 with, you know?

00:20:55.860 That's right.

00:20:56.340 Yeah, looking back on it, it's just like, I'll never forget as long as I live, the four

00:21:01.140 women standing around her and she's just holding court, like telling them about, I'm reading

00:21:05.900 what they're saying.

00:21:06.520 Like, you got to work on this, you do this, this and this, but it looked like they was

00:21:10.440 all having a great time.

00:21:11.480 Oh, that would break my heart.

00:21:11.940 And I'm up here going, you know what I mean?

00:21:14.840 Like, I want to stop it.

00:21:16.000 Like, hey, Mitz, I'm up.

00:21:19.700 It's my third Sunday waiting in line for three fucking hours.

00:21:22.420 Can I give five minutes?

00:21:23.780 That's going through my brain.

00:21:25.340 It's such a helpless feeling, too, when you can't do that and you put the mic back in

00:21:29.760 the stand and you walk off going, this is pointless.

00:21:32.780 This was fucking pointless.

00:21:34.300 And then I would drive by and see the guys in line.

00:21:37.480 I don't, it was like a Tuesday you had to wait in line.

00:21:40.020 That was like the long line in front of the comedy store for open micing.

00:21:43.180 And I'd drive by it and see just for the next couple of years, I want to be like, waste

00:21:47.480 your time.

00:21:49.420 Fucking roll down the window.

00:21:50.580 It's fucking pointless.

00:21:53.700 Wow.

00:21:55.640 So you had a, yeah, man, I'd have a, look, I can totally go through that moment.

00:21:59.640 You're on stage and you see the person who's supposed to be paying attention to you

00:22:02.860 and you're already nervous.

00:22:04.280 There's already a lot going on.

00:22:05.500 I mean, this is like a moment in the sun to even get that opportunity to showcase at the

00:22:09.020 comedy store.

00:22:10.120 And then the other people that have already gone on, they had their time to be in front

00:22:13.620 of her.

00:22:14.140 Now they're all talking to her and you have to still be doing your jokes.

00:22:17.660 Your mind is locked in it.

00:22:19.200 Even it could be complete darkness in the room.

00:22:21.260 I remember when I was doing it in New York for Esty, right?

00:22:27.980 Who passes at the comedy cellar and she's over in the dark and I don't know where she

00:22:32.600 is.

00:22:32.900 But then at a certain point I knew exactly where she was in the dark paying attention

00:22:36.200 to me.

00:22:36.660 You know, it's like you can just feel like the spot in the dark where somebody in the

00:22:40.160 room is supposed to be judging you and to think that they're not even paying attention

00:22:44.060 and you still have to do these jokes and you don't even care if the other people in the

00:22:47.500 room even see them.

00:22:48.420 Yeah.

00:22:49.000 It's a helpless feeling.

00:22:49.940 So helpless, dude.

00:22:51.360 Fuck.

00:22:51.800 So helpless, bro.

00:22:52.760 Like trying to breastfeed and be a man, you know?

00:22:55.440 It's like Jerry's Deli afterwards.

00:22:57.700 Oh yeah, it's meat only, bro.

00:22:58.920 If you're breastfeeding and you're a man.

00:23:01.340 Tuna melt.

00:23:02.120 Just today, the Hollywood Reporter named Adam Egott, the new manager at the Comedy Store

00:23:07.000 and Esty, two of the 40 most powerful people in comedy.

00:23:10.700 Wow.

00:23:11.600 So it was crazy that you brought both of them up.

00:23:13.940 And there you go.

00:23:14.820 It's like, and then it's like you look years later.

00:23:16.340 I mean, it's like, you know, Paul, he's like, you know, Paul, he's always, you know, he's

00:23:22.880 always trying to be supportive.

00:23:23.940 He's always trying to stay creative.

00:23:25.480 You got the file that has passed away.

00:23:27.560 The lore of just the story even staying like all the times it was supposed to be sold.

00:23:31.180 But I heard it's a different, I didn't spend a lot of time there, but I heard it's completely

00:23:36.000 different now.

00:23:36.680 It's different now, man.

00:23:37.640 It's very supportive.

00:23:38.960 But you know what?

00:23:39.660 A lot of that is, I think, more than any other time in the history of stand-up, like comics

00:23:46.100 can control their own narrative now.

00:23:47.880 Right.

00:23:48.200 Through podcasting.

00:23:50.140 You know what I mean?

00:23:51.040 Just through social media, YouTube.

00:23:52.860 I mean, you can build your audience.

00:23:55.120 You don't need somebody to say, give you like the yes.

00:23:59.280 Yeah.

00:23:59.540 You can do it on your own, you know?

00:24:01.660 Even with, you know, I've gotten to know you through the podcast networks.

00:24:06.780 Yeah.

00:24:07.120 Pretty much.

00:24:07.740 I mean, outside of Road Rules, you were amazing on that.

00:24:09.820 Yeah.

00:24:10.560 Well, I mean, I was a kid, you know?

00:24:13.640 I know, because that's the thing, man.

00:24:16.000 I've always followed you from afar because I saw you on Last Comic Standing.

00:24:21.220 You were like the internet guy.

00:24:22.480 Yeah, me and Josh Wolfe.

00:24:24.040 Because when I saw you, I go, that's the fucker from Road Rules.

00:24:27.120 Right.

00:24:27.420 You know what I mean?

00:24:28.060 Yeah.

00:24:28.340 And then when you did Road Rules, what year was that you did Road Rules?

00:24:31.500 99.

00:24:32.480 99.

00:24:33.160 And you were like a mid-season replacement or something, right?

00:24:35.600 Didn't you come in?

00:24:36.340 Uh-uh.

00:24:37.100 You were there from the first?

00:24:37.680 I was just regular, yeah.

00:24:38.480 Did someone get kicked off that year or something?

00:24:40.940 And somebody new came in?

00:24:42.360 No.

00:24:43.620 Fuck it.

00:24:44.000 I'm thinking of Cyrus.

00:24:44.620 But there's a lot of seasons.

00:24:45.500 There's a million seasons.

00:24:46.540 I'm thinking like this.

00:24:47.460 Fuck, I'm thinking of Cyrus from Boston.

00:24:49.700 But the reason I always followed like that, just the 90s, I'll say, is I was in the Navy

00:24:57.080 and I tried to get on the real world.

00:24:59.480 Uh-huh.

00:24:59.880 I could see you on there easily.

00:25:01.160 The Boston cast.

00:25:03.000 And I remember my buddy, this was before the internet.

00:25:06.260 You had to write a letter.

00:25:07.740 I wrote a letter to Buna Murray.

00:25:10.260 And then-

00:25:10.560 You had to tell him you were gay at the beginning of the letter to even have a story on.

00:25:12.540 No, no.

00:25:13.380 I told him I like black women.

00:25:14.820 Oh, yeah.

00:25:15.280 And so I said the perfect house would be me with seven black girls.

00:25:18.160 Oh, yeah.

00:25:18.620 You know what I mean?

00:25:19.540 And then here's what's funny.

00:25:20.820 Who are you, Scott Storch, brother?

00:25:22.540 That was my thing.

00:25:23.520 I go, hey, guys, I love black women.

00:25:25.000 Let's do me and seven black girls.

00:25:26.880 You know?

00:25:27.740 And then they said they sent me a letter back.

00:25:30.920 I got a letter back.

00:25:32.480 Wow.

00:25:32.640 And they said, put yourself on tape.

00:25:34.660 So my buddy worked at Good Guys.

00:25:36.020 So we said, like, literally 100 TVs up.

00:25:38.940 So everything I did was magnified by 100.

00:25:40.980 Wow.

00:25:41.460 And then I had, like, a black girl walk in.

00:25:43.360 And I go, look.

00:25:45.140 And then they asked me to come up and get interviewed.

00:25:49.860 And I got interviewed.

00:25:51.240 And then I didn't get it, obviously.

00:25:53.360 But it was the Boston, like, 96 season.

00:25:55.820 Oh, yeah.

00:25:56.340 And what was crazy is I'm active duty.

00:25:59.280 So how would I have done it anyway?

00:26:00.840 Right.

00:26:01.020 Like, I still had a year left.

00:26:02.300 You'd have to ask for leave.

00:26:03.480 And they might not have given it to you.

00:26:04.540 And so when I see that season, there was the black girl that went to Stanford that didn't like interracial dating.

00:26:11.760 But then they went on vacation.

00:26:12.940 She banged the white dude on vacation.

00:26:14.760 I went, I was supposed to bang her.

00:26:16.320 Like, literally, I was like, I was supposed to bang her.

00:26:18.500 That was supposed to be.

00:26:19.340 I was watching it like.

00:26:21.580 I see what you did there.

00:26:23.500 That was supposed to be me.

00:26:24.240 Right.

00:26:25.380 Like this.

00:26:26.500 I'm out of Heather at Martha's Vineyard.

00:26:27.940 I was just looking at it like this.

00:26:31.900 And then it was funny because when I sent in all the tape, like, I like black girls.

00:26:37.180 Do me with seven black girls.

00:26:38.800 A big arch of that season was Cyrus dated a lot of white women and the black girl didn't approve of it.

00:26:45.860 So in a way, it was like they addressed what I had talked about in my video.

00:26:50.780 You know what I mean?

00:26:51.200 I was like, it's funny.

00:26:52.560 I was like, I would have been a great asset.

00:26:54.100 Yeah.

00:26:54.380 And that season was kind of boring.

00:26:55.960 Yeah.

00:26:56.360 Boston.

00:26:57.360 Yeah.

00:26:57.700 I don't even remember it.

00:26:58.520 I remember the first season of the real world I remember was when real world Hawaii went.

00:27:03.240 I mean, I remember some of the other ones, but the first one I watched, I just remember Tech jumping into that swimming pool.

00:27:07.460 Naked?

00:27:08.620 I don't know if he was naked or not.

00:27:09.960 He was naked, yeah.

00:27:10.260 Was he?

00:27:10.680 He got naked.

00:27:11.660 I didn't notice that.

00:27:13.320 Oh, I did.

00:27:14.240 They blurred him out.

00:27:15.340 I didn't look, man.

00:27:17.200 I don't look at dude.

00:27:18.000 What do you say, Theo?

00:27:19.160 Bro.

00:27:19.880 It was like an 18-inch sensor bar.

00:27:21.700 Yeah.

00:27:21.900 But I thought he was the first.

00:27:24.700 I'm like hitting on the side of the TV.

00:27:26.980 Yeah.

00:27:27.180 He was one of the first to start getting like, well, no, the guy from the first season was,

00:27:32.240 the ripped guy from New York.

00:27:34.100 Oh, Eric Neese.

00:27:34.960 Eric Neese.

00:27:35.280 Yeah.

00:27:35.340 He was the first one.

00:27:36.000 He got like spinoffs and shit like that.

00:27:37.540 Yeah.

00:27:37.700 He was a real G.

00:27:38.900 But yeah, man, I'm trying to think of, I'm trying to think of, I don't even know where

00:27:45.800 our train of thought went here.

00:27:47.080 What were we talking about?

00:27:48.180 Reality TV in the comedy store.

00:27:49.760 Yeah.

00:27:50.000 Yeah.

00:27:50.480 Yeah.

00:27:50.880 I mean, yeah.

00:27:52.220 I think, oh, you mentioned that Esty and Adam just got those, that got those things.

00:27:56.380 Yeah.

00:27:56.640 And then you said, yeah, it's like people can make their own destinies now.

00:28:00.720 It's like, yeah, you don't have to have, like, I mean, one of the reasons why some people

00:28:04.800 got into podcasting was like, I couldn't find a TV show or anything.

00:28:08.680 I couldn't even be represented out here.

00:28:10.120 You know, like, they were not, they're not putting anybody from, like, I don't consider,

00:28:13.660 I mean, I'm from the South.

00:28:14.480 I don't consider myself like a redneck though, you know, like, but they're not putting any,

00:28:18.080 they weren't putting anybody that even represented me, I felt like.

00:28:21.000 So it was like, I had to start a podcast to even just, you know, have anything to be

00:28:25.520 able to say anything, I felt like.

00:28:27.720 Yeah.

00:28:28.100 I think people gravitate to podcasts because you are unfiltered.

00:28:31.700 Yeah.

00:28:31.880 You know, like I did, on mine last week, I talked about an argument I had backstage

00:28:36.400 with my opener.

00:28:38.000 Really?

00:28:38.280 And it was a legit, I was throwing food at him.

00:28:41.440 I was so pissed because he yelled at me.

00:28:43.660 It wasn't about the food.

00:28:44.960 It was like, did you just yell at me?

00:28:46.980 What'd you throw at him?

00:28:47.700 I got to know.

00:28:48.000 Fried rice and egg rolls.

00:28:49.200 Oh my.

00:28:49.440 And he was Asian.

00:28:50.700 Oh wow.

00:28:51.260 So he's Cambodian.

00:28:52.460 Wait, well, let me tell you what happened.

00:28:53.560 And Cambodian, let's be honest, dude, it's Asian, bro, but it's also a little something

00:28:57.640 else.

00:28:58.000 Okay.

00:28:58.400 They're being wild out there.

00:28:59.080 It's the other of Asian.

00:29:00.380 Yeah, dude.

00:29:00.800 Look, even.

00:29:01.940 Asian people are like, oh, I'm not going out there, you know?

00:29:04.900 It is Asian, bro.

00:29:06.680 It's past Asia, bro.

00:29:08.480 You're out there, dude.

00:29:10.240 Well, here's what happened.

00:29:11.240 Because I want to hear about this, man, because people often say that you're hard to deal

00:29:13.860 with.

00:29:14.160 So I want to hear what happened.

00:29:16.380 I want to hear about this.

00:29:17.460 Yeah, Brian Kellan.

00:29:18.260 We talked about that.

00:29:19.340 I was talking to your guys before I got on here.

00:29:21.540 I go, dude, I go, you know, the internet's notorious for anybody says anything good about

00:29:26.800 you, you don't hear shit.

00:29:27.640 Did they say something bad?

00:29:29.120 I get DMs and Twitter tags and everything.

00:29:33.080 And the Brian Kellan, Brendan Shaw, when they, when I, oh, my wife got profiled on Delta

00:29:38.180 and they brought it up and they go, and Brian goes, yeah, I heard that guy's hard to deal

00:29:43.660 with.

00:29:44.280 I was like, what?

00:29:45.180 So I watched it and it really was, Brian even said, he goes, I don't know why I said

00:29:49.960 that.

00:29:50.180 I shouldn't have said that.

00:29:50.340 But they call you the, dude, they call you the pink Chris Tucker.

00:29:53.300 That's what I hear all the time.

00:29:54.420 The pink Chris Tucker?

00:29:55.960 I thought I was the white Karl Malone.

00:29:58.180 I'm like the only one.

00:29:59.220 Like he was the only black guy with a John Deere deal.

00:30:01.680 You know what I mean?

00:30:02.660 Like I'm the only black guy at the barbershop, I'm the only white guy at the barbershop where

00:30:05.640 my picture's on the haircut.

00:30:07.520 If you're a white guy, you want that Gary Owen right there.

00:30:10.660 On the poster.

00:30:11.640 It's all black guys and me.

00:30:12.880 No, let me tell you what happened in Dallas.

00:30:17.700 I'm not hard to deal with, but it's not about the food that I threw.

00:30:22.200 It was that he yelled at me is what made me throw the food.

00:30:24.740 Because before I went on stage, you know, comical food isn't the best.

00:30:28.520 Right.

00:30:28.720 I'm over 40 and trying to eat good.

00:30:30.420 So I literally just told him, I said, go anywhere, just get some brown rice and tariaki

00:30:33.920 chicken.

00:30:34.620 That's anywhere.

00:30:35.520 Right.

00:30:36.040 So they couldn't find it.

00:30:37.800 The place that they said they were going to order it from, they couldn't get it.

00:30:39.960 So I get off stage.

00:30:41.040 So you know, you're hot.

00:30:42.880 You got three shows at night.

00:30:44.140 You just want to eat.

00:30:44.920 You're like, okay, get your pallets ready for some.

00:30:47.440 And they ordered Thai food.

00:30:49.180 And I was like, I don't, you guys know me.

00:30:50.960 I don't like Thai food.

00:30:52.140 So automatic.

00:30:52.700 I'm like, why would you order Thai food?

00:30:54.380 Yeah.

00:30:54.660 Of anything.

00:30:56.000 You could have got me a salad.

00:30:57.040 Right.

00:30:57.700 So then I open it.

00:30:58.760 The vegetables looked all dry.

00:30:59.920 It just looked bad.

00:31:00.880 All the food looked like, I was like, so now I'm not, not happy.

00:31:05.580 The only thing that looked good.

00:31:06.780 And you know, Asian food comes into big containers was this big container, noodles and veggies

00:31:12.040 and chicken.

00:31:12.680 And I go, that looks good.

00:31:13.940 So I take the fork and the comedy club brought us plates.

00:31:17.940 So I take the fork and I'm taking some noodles and put on a plate.

00:31:20.620 And I was going to take some other stuff too.

00:31:21.900 And just make a plate of little samples of everything.

00:31:24.840 So I'm a container.

00:31:26.100 My opener comes in and say, he goes, hey, those are mine.

00:31:28.780 Those are mine.

00:31:29.880 Those are mine.

00:31:30.420 I said, okay.

00:31:31.780 I was like, I'm just going to take a little bit.

00:31:33.300 Is that okay?

00:31:34.020 And he was like, oh yeah, that's fine.

00:31:36.640 Okay.

00:31:37.300 So I take the noodles and then he takes it and it's a big container and he puts his fork

00:31:41.840 in it immediately and starts eating it.

00:31:43.180 So we still got two other people in the green room that's got to eat.

00:31:45.980 And I looked at him, I said, say, you know, you're being selfish, right?

00:31:48.620 Like you should have, I'm thinking in my brain, you should have offered something to the other

00:31:51.880 people in the room.

00:31:52.560 Right.

00:31:53.160 And he goes, huh?

00:31:53.980 I go, you know, you're being selfish, right?

00:31:55.860 And he just went from zero to 10.

00:31:58.100 He goes, I'm not being selfish.

00:32:00.160 And it was when he yelled at me, I went, what?

00:32:03.240 It was like in a movie.

00:32:04.100 And I just grabbed the nearest thing.

00:32:05.500 I saw this container of fried rice.

00:32:07.420 I go, get the fuck out.

00:32:10.240 And as he's leaving the room, I'm throwing one egg roll at a time.

00:32:13.180 I go, get the fuck out.

00:32:15.360 Oh yeah, bro.

00:32:15.900 So he gets out.

00:32:16.880 That's like the Laotian Olympics.

00:32:18.180 Yeah, bro.

00:32:20.060 Then he comes back in and he yells again.

00:32:23.140 He's like, I was just trying to, and there's one more egg roll.

00:32:26.100 I said, get the fuck out.

00:32:27.460 He gets out, right?

00:32:28.760 So then I calm down.

00:32:29.940 I go, I probably overacted, right?

00:32:32.380 And then my road manager, Brad, he explains it.

00:32:35.220 He just broke it down.

00:32:36.800 He goes, man.

00:32:37.820 He's got a real life voice.

00:32:38.920 Man, I just think, I think you was hot and you was hungry.

00:32:43.460 And the food wasn't there that you wanted.

00:32:46.020 And in Say's mind, those were his noodles.

00:32:48.480 Yeah.

00:32:48.940 So you was eating his noodles.

00:32:51.580 I go, yeah, you're probably right.

00:32:54.020 Probably overreacted.

00:32:54.680 I said, but he just yelled at me, man.

00:32:56.080 I could have had a discussion about it.

00:32:57.900 It was him yelling that set me off.

00:33:00.120 And then we're laughing about an hour later.

00:33:02.260 But I talked about it on my podcast, right, last week.

00:33:05.300 And I'm telling people a story.

00:33:06.800 At no point did I say I was right or wrong.

00:33:08.920 I was just telling a story.

00:33:10.420 But some people were like, you know, you was wrong, Gary.

00:33:13.520 Or some people was like, I'm looking at you different.

00:33:15.280 You're like a diva.

00:33:16.440 Those were his noodles.

00:33:19.820 The funny part is, that's the part, is the word noodles makes it funny.

00:33:24.680 We got an argument over some noodles.

00:33:26.260 The other two people that had to eat were Brian Cowan and Brendan Schaub.

00:33:29.160 So that's why he was upset.

00:33:30.260 But here's the funny shit about the whole thing.

00:33:32.560 I didn't throw my plate of food.

00:33:34.080 I had already made mine.

00:33:35.600 Say had his noodles in his hand.

00:33:37.520 The only person that didn't get to eat was Brad.

00:33:39.120 Yeah.

00:33:39.860 The road manager who had nothing to do with the argument.

00:33:42.040 He goes, man, I ain't getting none to eat.

00:33:45.100 You got to say no to food.

00:33:46.620 You was hot and you was hungry.

00:33:48.940 Yeah, he just broke it down.

00:33:50.300 Here's what I think happened.

00:33:51.980 You was hot.

00:33:52.960 You didn't get the food you wanted.

00:33:54.060 Those were his noodles.

00:33:56.260 I was like, oh yeah, I'll probably go back.

00:33:58.220 Dude, it is the worst.

00:34:00.140 Because sometimes you'll have a long day of traveling.

00:34:02.160 You don't have a chance to eat anything.

00:34:03.320 You'll get up early.

00:34:04.380 The layover is really fast.

00:34:05.580 It'll be 30 minutes.

00:34:06.400 You have to get to your gate.

00:34:07.820 And so then next thing you know, you've had a coffee and a muffin or something and a banana.

00:34:12.420 You finally get to the place.

00:34:15.100 You'll maybe have a snack or something before you go on stage.

00:34:17.380 And then you have to do the first show.

00:34:18.480 You get off.

00:34:18.900 You want to eat.

00:34:19.480 That's your time to finally get something to eat.

00:34:21.520 Right.

00:34:21.900 And your palate's ready for something.

00:34:23.480 Yeah.

00:34:24.000 And that's not like an extravagant dish.

00:34:26.560 No.

00:34:26.980 Brown rice and teriyaki chicken, you should be able to get that somewhere.

00:34:29.800 Yeah, you should be able to get it, man.

00:34:31.160 And especially if he's Cambodian, dude, you can't come up with a little teriyaki chicken,

00:34:35.960 Papa.

00:34:36.720 Motherfucker.

00:34:37.300 You the Cambodian, dude.

00:34:38.340 Call somebody.

00:34:39.360 Yeah, if I ask you for fucking donuts or something, and you don't know how to come up with a couple,

00:34:43.380 or I ask you for a couple of Cornish game hens or something.

00:34:47.560 It's like asking me, where can I get some quiche?

00:34:50.140 Yeah.

00:34:51.280 Tuna casserole.

00:34:52.280 I can make you that.

00:34:53.460 I'm going to interrupt this conversation just to say, a couple of weeks ago, this company

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00:35:13.200 And I put it on.

00:35:14.040 And I don't even know if I took it off.

00:35:16.420 I mean, I just had it on for so long.

00:35:17.920 This isn't it.

00:35:19.180 But my goodness, it was comfortable.

00:35:20.720 I fell asleep in it.

00:35:21.600 I thought it was a bed.

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00:35:24.260 I also went to the gym in it and did other things in it.

00:35:28.380 The clothes from Free Fly apparel are made from butter soft bamboos.

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00:38:38.680 And now, back to the show.

00:38:41.900 But dude, I remember we worked together at, remember the charity basketball, the basketball

00:38:47.900 thing?

00:38:48.680 The basketball referee.

00:38:50.000 Who am I thinking of?

00:38:50.640 Brother?

00:38:52.440 Oh, Tony something.

00:38:54.000 Was that in, was that in?

00:38:55.280 I feel bad his name is.

00:38:56.480 Virginia Beach?

00:38:56.920 Virginia Beach, yeah.

00:38:57.900 Tony Brothers.

00:38:58.760 Tony Brothers, yeah.

00:38:59.900 I forgot about that, man.

00:39:01.220 And Tony is a sweet man.

00:39:02.820 He was not happy that night.

00:39:04.120 He was not happy that night.

00:39:05.580 Because they booked, they overbooked the theater and the weekend.

00:39:12.660 And he said, you guys knew I was bringing this show here.

00:39:15.000 I'm doing this for the community.

00:39:16.380 And you booked like two other urban comedy shows around it.

00:39:20.280 Oh, really?

00:39:20.900 There was like one the week before and like one two weeks after.

00:39:23.940 And he was like, you killed my show.

00:39:26.060 I didn't know that.

00:39:26.880 Yeah, that's right.

00:39:27.340 He went on stage and told him because I'm not happy about this.

00:39:29.460 I was like, damn, I never seen somebody go up and thank the people for being there, but

00:39:32.980 then go off on the venue.

00:39:34.940 And unthank the venue.

00:39:36.120 Right.

00:39:36.740 There's a beautiful venue.

00:39:38.200 Yeah.

00:39:38.740 There's a beautiful venue, man.

00:39:39.820 Yeah, you crushed it, man.

00:39:40.960 I'd never seen you.

00:39:42.600 I mean, I'd seen you on film and I'd seen you on the internet and stuff, but I'd never

00:39:48.420 seen you on stage before.

00:39:49.320 Yeah, it's a different beast.

00:39:50.600 Yeah, you really, really.

00:39:52.440 I get that a lot.

00:39:53.240 I didn't know it was like that.

00:39:54.140 Really?

00:39:54.740 Well, it sounds conceited, but there's a different energy with a black audience.

00:39:59.600 Yeah.

00:40:00.180 And be a white guy to have.

00:40:01.500 And it was blacktastic, bro.

00:40:02.180 It was blacktastic, dude.

00:40:03.660 It was Howard Homecoming.

00:40:05.080 Yeah, it was something.

00:40:06.560 It was unique, bro.

00:40:08.260 I mean, there was people doing that.

00:40:10.780 People were excited.

00:40:12.780 You know, I'm the white guy.

00:40:14.840 Yeah.

00:40:15.420 For black people, it's so unique.

00:40:16.300 Oh, you're the extremely strong, you're the very physical and talented Michael Rappaport,

00:40:20.520 people call you.

00:40:21.460 I can see that.

00:40:22.600 Yeah.

00:40:22.860 Yeah.

00:40:23.560 For real.

00:40:24.220 I mean, he's late.

00:40:25.420 I can see that.

00:40:26.560 And yeah, it's a different energy.

00:40:29.520 And I, you know, like I just did my latest special last week in San Antonio.

00:40:36.040 And even my agent at UTA hadn't seen me live in years.

00:40:40.340 And he goes, I forgot it was like that.

00:40:43.180 And I know that sounds conceited.

00:40:44.320 Right.

00:40:44.600 No, it doesn't.

00:40:45.060 It's a different energy.

00:40:46.160 That's your job.

00:40:46.780 Not only that, it's just the reaction when I come on stage.

00:40:51.300 Right.

00:40:51.600 I am, like I said, I am black famous.

00:40:54.740 Yeah.

00:40:54.820 There's not many black people that walk by.

00:40:56.140 If they don't know my name, they know my face.

00:40:58.000 Oh, you're Frederick Douglass almost.

00:40:59.400 I mean, it's like you, Freddie D, who else?

00:41:02.080 A couple of others.

00:41:02.800 I'm trying to think of famous, yeah, white people that are.

00:41:07.520 Larry Bird.

00:41:08.380 Yeah, Larry Bird.

00:41:09.680 He ain't going too far.

00:41:10.800 Yeah.

00:41:11.260 It's very, yeah.

00:41:12.440 I'm trying to think of famous white guys that are real famous in the black community.

00:41:15.660 But it's crazy.

00:41:16.400 Like, it is a different, black Hollywood and Hollywood is different because I heard stories

00:41:21.280 about Philip Seymour Huffman.

00:41:23.420 And I don't know if it's true, but I got it from Reliable Stories.

00:41:25.820 He used to go to like the Starbucks in the urban neighborhoods because he could sit down

00:41:29.980 and read and be left alone.

00:41:31.920 Oh, wow.

00:41:32.800 And like, nobody knew who he was.

00:41:34.900 I like this.

00:41:35.280 He'd go to like the Magic Johnson Starbucks.

00:41:37.140 That's crazy.

00:41:37.820 And just like read.

00:41:39.380 And somebody would be like, dude, that.

00:41:40.740 And somebody told me, they go, yo, that dude from that movie.

00:41:44.640 Yeah, that dude.

00:41:45.360 That dude.

00:41:46.500 You know, I'm a fucking idiot.

00:41:47.840 I'm a fucking idiot.

00:41:48.780 That dude from Boogie Nights.

00:41:50.040 And you do the opposite.

00:41:50.960 You go to like nice white.

00:41:51.960 Oh, I go to Salt Lake to get away.

00:41:53.600 I go to Park City.

00:41:56.120 I was in D.C.

00:41:58.220 And it was funny.

00:41:59.220 I was telling him on stage, I go, dude, I'm in D.C.

00:42:02.000 I did not get stopped one time by a white person in five days.

00:42:06.120 But I couldn't go a block.

00:42:08.860 The got me was the homeless motherfucker stopped me.

00:42:10.960 Oh, you couldn't go a block, bro.

00:42:11.820 I know the homeless dude stopped me.

00:42:13.480 I was like, God damn.

00:42:15.400 That's when you know.

00:42:16.920 This motherfucker is homeless.

00:42:20.100 But if they don't know me, I'm that's old boy.

00:42:23.600 Oh, yeah.

00:42:24.160 Oh, that's old boy right there.

00:42:25.600 That's old boy.

00:42:27.220 And then what's funny is they'll have a whole conversation, but won't know my name.

00:42:32.700 And then it's funny to argue with themselves.

00:42:34.440 Yeah, that's you.

00:42:35.620 Yeah, you know that's you.

00:42:36.980 You know you.

00:42:37.680 Hey, you, you, right?

00:42:39.080 Yeah, that's you.

00:42:40.460 Yeah, you know that's you.

00:42:41.880 They walk away.

00:42:43.060 They tell their friend, that's him.

00:42:45.480 And then they go, oh, that is him.

00:42:47.400 They're calling their friend.

00:42:48.280 Yeah, I saw that dude.

00:42:49.380 Yeah, you know who.

00:42:50.300 Yeah, nobody knows who.

00:42:52.300 Yeah, him.

00:42:52.780 You know you.

00:42:53.700 You know.

00:42:54.440 It's like a who's on first that never ends.

00:42:56.440 Yeah, you, you.

00:42:57.820 You know you.

00:42:58.300 You, you.

00:42:58.980 You know you.

00:42:59.700 You, you.

00:43:01.240 Dude, it was fire, man.

00:43:03.520 But yeah, do you feel like, though, that do you ever.

00:43:07.760 Was that your plan from the beginning kind of to have a black audience or did that just

00:43:10.500 kind of come up like.

00:43:11.500 Well, you don't you don't choose your audience.

00:43:13.500 They choose you.

00:43:14.200 Right.

00:43:14.520 I just got on BET early.

00:43:16.600 Right.

00:43:17.300 That's where you got your really your break.

00:43:18.740 Yeah.

00:43:19.280 Like I would have did Telemundo if I could have spoke Spanish.

00:43:21.620 Yeah.

00:43:22.280 You know, you break into this.

00:43:23.480 You just want to you just want to be funny and get on stage.

00:43:25.900 Yeah.

00:43:26.200 And I just my my every TV appearance was was BET in the beginning.

00:43:32.560 And for some reason, the movies I got in were black lead actors.

00:43:37.400 Yeah.

00:43:37.840 The only movie I've done that was a all white cast was a movie called College.

00:43:43.300 And it probably did the worst at the box office.

00:43:46.120 Do you think there's something about you that black people that really attracts black culture

00:43:50.420 or that like, is it like a like some a way that you look or a way that you.

00:43:55.420 Well, I deal.

00:43:57.360 He he he broke my myself down to my myself.

00:44:01.160 Yeah.

00:44:01.400 But he just said, you know, you you're authentic.

00:44:04.240 And he said, and your stories are your real life.

00:44:07.280 It's not like you're up there just doing a joke to get a laugh.

00:44:11.700 Like you're really telling you like you really went to a black church.

00:44:14.820 Right.

00:44:15.040 Like your joke was that experience from your perspective.

00:44:18.880 Right.

00:44:19.460 You know, and I think I think a lot of times, too, I'm not putting down people.

00:44:24.380 I'm just saying it's different.

00:44:26.020 Right.

00:44:26.400 You know, there's no put down because I don't I tell you what gets on my nerves when I see

00:44:32.040 white stand ups going from a black audience and just completely put down white people.

00:44:37.560 Right.

00:44:37.980 You know what I mean?

00:44:38.360 Oh, I hate that.

00:44:38.880 Just to get on the on black.

00:44:40.260 And I haven't even seen some black people in the audience be like, dude, we don't think

00:44:43.220 like that.

00:44:44.100 Right.

00:44:44.380 Like, we don't hate white people.

00:44:45.320 What are you talking about?

00:44:46.240 You know what I mean?

00:44:46.900 Right.

00:44:47.280 That shit.

00:44:47.860 I'd be like this, dude.

00:44:49.380 Yeah.

00:44:49.560 What are you doing?

00:44:50.280 Yeah.

00:44:50.500 It sounds so.

00:44:51.520 It just it makes my skin crawl.

00:44:53.120 Well, that's half of L.A. these days, man.

00:44:55.040 I feel like I get like if I get on stage, there's a lot of so many comedians who are

00:44:58.520 like, you know, like apologizing for their white privilege and shit like that.

00:45:03.140 And that's fine.

00:45:03.680 If someone feel like that it was that big of a thing in their life, you know, where

00:45:07.000 somebody came in their room when they were young, we're like, hey, you're white.

00:45:10.060 You know, we're going to be all good.

00:45:10.980 I've had more issues of white males in my life than black dudes.

00:45:14.520 All the black dudes have been cool.

00:45:15.900 Yeah.

00:45:16.280 The white dudes in my life.

00:45:17.420 I'm like, what the fuck?

00:45:19.220 Get away from my stepdad.

00:45:20.680 I can't stand that motherfucker, man.

00:45:22.700 Good Lord.

00:45:23.040 But yeah.

00:45:24.240 My stepdad was every bad black stereotype.

00:45:26.480 Really?

00:45:27.200 You know, people, you know, black guys are lazy.

00:45:29.740 I'm like, no, Rod's lazy.

00:45:32.000 Black guys can get a job.

00:45:33.180 They don't want to get no job.

00:45:34.140 No, Rod can get a job.

00:45:35.080 Who the fuck are you talking about?

00:45:36.740 My stepdad, every time I heard of a bad stereotype about black males, it was my stepdad.

00:45:41.040 That's hilarious.

00:45:41.840 I was like, he's worse than all this shit.

00:45:43.500 That's hilarious.

00:45:44.120 Who are you describing right now?

00:45:45.820 Early on, did you have a lot of stories like in your standup that with black culture?

00:45:50.060 Is that why you think they like?

00:45:51.340 Well, when I started in San Diego, I was trying to get on the comedy store and the Hoya and everything.

00:45:59.100 But, you know, with open mic, you're lucky to get up.

00:46:02.320 You know, the open mic night was Sunday nights.

00:46:04.680 And then that was it.

00:46:06.300 And then I was like, a couple of black guys in the Navy with told me about all these other spots I could get on stage.

00:46:10.900 But you had to go where the black people were.

00:46:13.140 You know, a lot of the mainstream comics, they don't want to do that.

00:46:14.880 And I was like, where?

00:46:15.760 Okay, I'll go there.

00:46:16.900 I'm just naive to everything.

00:46:18.760 And then I would start doing like karaoke bars.

00:46:22.360 Like I would, if I couldn't get on stage, I would go to like a karaoke and it was a mic and it was speakers.

00:46:28.380 Right.

00:46:28.440 And I was like, instead of singing, I would tell jokes.

00:46:31.120 And like people got to know me like, oh, that's the funny dude.

00:46:33.480 He's not going to sing.

00:46:34.220 He's going to tell some jokes.

00:46:35.000 Oh, that's pretty cool.

00:46:36.240 You know what I mean?

00:46:36.880 I would do like musical bits.

00:46:38.540 I'm not singing.

00:46:39.420 Right.

00:46:39.700 My jokes was about music.

00:46:41.980 I remember it's not a very good joke.

00:46:44.560 So you might lose some listeners.

00:46:45.960 Oh, we won't at all.

00:46:47.280 Not on the air, brother.

00:46:48.000 When I make enough shitty jokes during the podcast.

00:46:49.860 Yeah.

00:46:50.320 I remember my first joke I'd always tell at the karaoke bars was about Janet Jackson.

00:46:55.980 I'd be like, I go, have you guys noticed like Janet Jackson, like her first song was Let's Wait a While.

00:47:03.280 I go, then her second album, the song was Come Back to Me.

00:47:08.580 I said, well, fuck, you told him to wait, and now you're telling him to come back.

00:47:12.500 I go, now this latest album was Anytime, Any Place.

00:47:15.020 I go, somebody turned that motherfucker out.

00:47:16.760 You know what I mean?

00:47:17.960 And then that like opened up like, oh, okay, he's just talking shit about musicians.

00:47:21.360 So a lot of it was just like whatever songs was hot.

00:47:24.240 Yeah.

00:47:24.560 I would just make fun of them at the karaoke spots.

00:47:26.600 Do you think that you are actually white and you have to like be black in the morning when you get up?

00:47:36.460 You know what I'm saying though, kind of?

00:47:38.080 What do you mean?

00:47:38.900 Like if we like moved the switch on the back of you, it'd be like, well, guys, I hope everything's going well.

00:47:47.180 No, what am I like, Caitlyn Jenner?

00:47:48.980 Like deep down, I know I'm black, but there's no surgery to fix it.

00:47:52.580 Like, God, I wish I could just switch this up a little bit.

00:47:58.140 No, it works for me being the, I don't want to say fish out of water.

00:48:03.440 Because I am kind of a fish out of water, but I'm very comfortable in the water.

00:48:06.640 Right.

00:48:06.800 I'll say it like that.

00:48:07.640 Yeah.

00:48:08.080 I've never, I don't know, like a lot of times I think we feed into what the media tells us.

00:48:13.800 Yeah.

00:48:14.160 And that's not been in my experience.

00:48:17.120 Oh, yeah, dude.

00:48:18.080 I don't let, yeah.

00:48:18.560 My day-to-day dealings with people, I don't see too many people just out and out hating somebody else because of their skin color alone.

00:48:28.840 Yeah, totally.

00:48:29.340 Now, I'd be, I'm more scared of white guys with tattoos on their face and pants sagging.

00:48:34.900 Yeah, these days it's starting to change.

00:48:36.600 That would scare me more.

00:48:37.720 I'm scared, what I'm scared of is some of, you know, with a lot of, you know, people of different cultures, especially when you have black and white people having children, you're going to start, you start to get a lot of soft black dudes, man.

00:48:49.100 I'm serious, bro.

00:48:52.520 These grays, bro.

00:48:54.760 I've seen a couple.

00:48:55.380 Why are you talking about, man, dude, you can't be talking about my kids, man.

00:48:57.820 You have children?

00:48:59.860 No, I'm talking about, I'm just saying, bro, I saw some of these, some of these mixed kids, they're fucking slow.

00:49:06.180 It's like, oh, welcome.

00:49:06.980 You wanted white shit?

00:49:07.960 You got it, man.

00:49:09.140 Welcome to these fucking layups.

00:49:11.420 Enjoy these layups.

00:49:12.540 Well, that's the problem when you are mixed because the black in you says dunk it and the white in you says pass it out and you're just fucking confused and you become Steph Curry.

00:49:20.220 Just shoot threes.

00:49:21.680 Take it to the hole.

00:49:22.660 No, you got to share.

00:49:24.840 But the black in you says, motherfucker, throw that shit down, bitch.

00:49:28.580 Dude, we had a black guest and here we were talking about getting scared.

00:49:34.520 Who was it?

00:49:35.100 Donnell Rawlings.

00:49:35.760 And I've always felt like that black people don't get nervous.

00:49:42.560 I always felt like.

00:49:44.100 On stage?

00:49:45.220 No, period.

00:49:46.100 Like, did you ever, like, white people always felt like we have, like, a thing where we get nervous and, like, black people don't have that.

00:49:52.380 Like, I remember asking him, I'm like, dude, do you guys get nervous?

00:49:55.700 Like, it just doesn't.

00:49:56.900 Well, the thing about it is white people have way more skeletons in their closet than black people.

00:50:02.680 Right.

00:50:02.960 You know, black people, like, historically, especially in this country, their history is laid out there.

00:50:08.700 Yeah.

00:50:08.940 White people, we did a lot of dirty shit, but we don't want to talk about it.

00:50:12.120 Yeah.

00:50:12.480 We did some dirty.

00:50:13.860 Like, I was just in Tulsa a couple weeks ago and I found out about Black Wall Street.

00:50:18.660 You heard about that?

00:50:19.420 Uh-uh.

00:50:20.100 In 2021, it'll be the 100-year anniversary.

00:50:22.700 And it was, like, this 36-block area of Tulsa that black people were flourishing.

00:50:28.740 Like, they had supermarkets and doctor's offices and clubs and restaurants and big homes.

00:50:35.540 They were, like, living in a bubble.

00:50:38.220 Mm-hmm.

00:50:38.540 And all of a sudden, this black teenager got caught with this white girl.

00:50:44.400 And they didn't even do anything.

00:50:45.760 They just got caught together alone in a building.

00:50:48.900 And all the white people came after this black teenager.

00:50:53.000 And the sheriff was like, no, the white girl's not pressing charges.

00:50:55.900 He didn't do anything wrong.

00:50:56.780 And this mom mentality happened.

00:50:59.160 And they just started, like, literally murdering black people, like, on their front porches.

00:51:03.320 Jesus.

00:51:04.200 And they looted the businesses.

00:51:06.340 And then the, like, National Guard came in and bombed Black Wall Street.

00:51:11.000 Like, completely bombed it.

00:51:12.640 And it was like, for what?

00:51:15.460 Yeah.

00:51:15.700 And then, like, I'm sitting there.

00:51:17.880 I'm like, I never even heard of this.

00:51:20.240 And then this girl, like, gave me an entire breakdown of what happened.

00:51:24.120 And then she said, what's crazy about the aftermath is, like, there'd be, like, black women walking down the street years later.

00:51:29.780 And they'd see a white lady with, like, her watch on or her necklace.

00:51:33.880 And you just, what are you going to do?

00:51:35.600 You can't do anything.

00:51:36.560 Oh, that was from one of their stores?

00:51:38.060 From their store or their house.

00:51:39.880 Oh, wow.

00:51:40.600 You know what I mean?

00:51:41.380 Yeah.

00:51:41.520 And it was like, it's a dirty part of American history.

00:51:44.020 And I would put money, because it's coming up on the 100th anniversary, there'll be a movie or a TV show about it.

00:51:49.780 Oh, yeah.

00:51:50.520 Soon.

00:51:51.100 Yeah.

00:51:51.380 Because I just heard it.

00:51:51.980 I was like, what?

00:51:52.920 How did I hear about it?

00:51:53.800 I've heard the term Black Wall Street.

00:51:55.460 I just didn't know what it meant.

00:51:56.740 Do you think sometimes that too many movies and media want to, like, are just making money even more off of just rehashing a bad past instead of, like, finding solution and stuff and moving forward?

00:52:09.440 Yeah.

00:52:09.680 I mean, it's part of our history, though.

00:52:12.320 So, it happened.

00:52:15.400 Do you feel like sometimes, though, it's like they don't always give, like, every side of the story?

00:52:20.960 It feels like sometimes there's only just one side of a story, you know?

00:52:23.860 Sometimes it's like, at a certain point, aren't they just using Black people again, like, by using these stories just to make money?

00:52:30.900 When a lot of people are – it feels to me like a lot of people are moving forward.

00:52:36.420 And sometimes it's just like a regurgitation of, you know, like, how many times can you make people that currently –

00:52:43.780 Like a slave movie?

00:52:45.000 You're going to make another slave movie?

00:52:45.880 Sometimes, yeah.

00:52:46.500 It's like, at what point do you say, look, let's just make a movie just, you know, how many times do we have to do this same exact movie, you know?

00:52:53.920 Yeah.

00:52:55.020 Yeah.

00:52:55.680 I mean –

00:52:56.140 It's like – because then they're just using Black people again, because I'm sure it's a lot of white ownership that owns these studios, to then once again make money.

00:53:04.900 But this time they're doing it under the guise of that we're helping Black America.

00:53:09.680 Yeah.

00:53:09.700 I mean, there's definitely a disconnect between the powers that be that are the head of these studios, you know?

00:53:15.300 Because they don't – they just don't know.

00:53:17.740 You know, that's like – we're stand-ups.

00:53:19.640 I don't – this is what I get about stand-ups and we're talking about sitcoms and everything else is, you know, the state of sitcoms is so bad right now.

00:53:27.860 Because if I'm the head of a network, I want to take a stand-up that's on the road, grinding, because I feel like they have the pulse of what the country's going through, especially the flyover states.

00:53:38.380 And you got guys in New York and L.A.

00:53:41.000 They don't – they're not in Nebraska.

00:53:42.920 Right.

00:53:43.120 They're not in Iowa.

00:53:44.260 They don't know what's making those people tick.

00:53:46.000 Oh, and not only that, but then these same networks go and make fun of those people.

00:53:49.300 And they, like, did not, like – you know, it just seems like a lot of times that good people who haven't done a lot of stuff wrong have really been through enough.

00:53:58.340 But these – but it's just like, how many times are we going to bring stuff up that – something I didn't do, something I didn't have a part of and I would never be a part of, you know?

00:54:06.740 But it's like – I mean, I don't know.

00:54:09.140 Did you watch Central Park?

00:54:09.960 Did you watch –

00:54:10.600 I haven't seen it yet.

00:54:11.200 I want to see it.

00:54:12.300 Never.

00:54:13.120 There was – Avid did something cool with that is, you know, it definitely was those four boys.

00:54:19.300 Those four boys got railroaded.

00:54:20.320 Yeah.

00:54:20.940 That's what I heard.

00:54:21.460 But you also see when one of them goes to prison – one of them really had a bad – Corey Wise was one of them.

00:54:26.880 Like, he got it the worst.

00:54:28.220 And he didn't do anything.

00:54:29.760 He just went to go support his friend at the police station, basically.

00:54:32.940 Wow.

00:54:33.100 And they brought him in.

00:54:34.900 And he's the one that caught the worst, did the most time, had the roughest time.

00:54:38.820 But they showed how one guard at Rikers was kind of a dick to him and was using him and he had to give him, like, all this extra shit to protect him, basically.

00:54:50.020 And I don't know what that guard was.

00:54:51.040 Are you mixed or black?

00:54:51.780 I don't know.

00:54:52.440 But then when he got transferred, there was a white guard that really looked out for him, you know, was fair, gave him bookstreet when he was in solitary, you know what I mean?

00:55:02.100 And it was just a – and it was never brought up.

00:55:04.820 It was not like the white cop helped me.

00:55:06.620 It was just there.

00:55:08.280 And, like, I thought it was cool how she made that apparent.

00:55:11.960 You know, to me, I noticed it.

00:55:13.360 Right.

00:55:13.480 I don't know if anybody else did, but I noticed it.

00:55:15.480 Right.

00:55:15.920 You got a kid that don't trust anybody.

00:55:17.700 It's been railroaded by the white people.

00:55:18.900 But it was the white guard that would kind of went, like – it was similar to, like, in Hurricane with Denzel.

00:55:23.800 Mm-hmm.

00:55:24.380 Remember the white guard was the one that was, like, happy for him when he got exonerated and he was, like, looking out for him a little bit in the prison?

00:55:31.600 I don't remember that part.

00:55:32.700 I mean, I believe it.

00:55:33.420 It was the guy from – god, what is his name?

00:55:37.520 He's in a lot of freaking movies, man.

00:55:39.620 My favorite movie I was in was Bad Boys.

00:55:41.160 Not with Will Smith.

00:55:41.980 The one with Sean Penn when he was a teenager in prison.

00:55:44.440 You see that one?

00:55:45.480 Came out in, like, 81.

00:55:47.100 Uh-uh.

00:55:47.660 That's a great –

00:55:48.380 I was one years old.

00:55:49.540 Yeah, but it comes out.

00:55:50.460 I saw The Wizard of Oz.

00:55:51.360 It came out in 46.

00:55:52.520 Yeah, that's a good point.

00:55:53.600 That's a good point.

00:55:54.640 There's a movie.

00:55:55.100 You can't see him, Theo, just because you – dude, I was one.

00:55:57.820 What is it?

00:55:58.340 I don't see movies before 90s.

00:55:59.680 I don't want you to picture me walking into the fucking theater.

00:56:03.740 No, Bad Boys.

00:56:04.740 Look up Bad Boys with Sean Penn.

00:56:08.540 That's a great fucking movie, man.

00:56:10.900 Really?

00:56:11.640 I love Sean Penn, man.

00:56:14.520 83.

00:56:15.600 83.

00:56:17.000 I'll have to check it out.

00:56:17.840 Great flick, dude.

00:56:20.920 Brutal, though.

00:56:21.760 Fuck it.

00:56:22.080 That guy with the blonde hair, curly hair dude.

00:56:24.080 Yeah.

00:56:24.520 What's his name?

00:56:27.840 Rini Santorini?

00:56:28.880 That's not him.

00:56:29.320 Santoni?

00:56:29.840 No, he's got a normal name.

00:56:31.440 Issa Morales?

00:56:32.280 Clancy Brown?

00:56:34.400 Issa Morales?

00:56:35.040 No.

00:56:35.660 His name's Clant?

00:56:36.620 That fucking guy's name is Clancy Brown?

00:56:38.380 What's his name in the movie?

00:56:39.260 Do you know?

00:56:39.900 I don't know.

00:56:40.480 He was the blonde hair guy.

00:56:41.460 There was a picture of him.

00:56:42.260 You guys went away from it.

00:56:43.520 The blonde hair, curly guy.

00:56:44.940 That guy.

00:56:45.420 His name's Clancy Brown?

00:56:46.200 That's Clancy Brown.

00:56:46.920 Yeah, you know who that is?

00:56:47.740 He was in – yeah, Shawshank.

00:56:48.760 He was the guard in Shawshank.

00:56:49.700 It was bad.

00:56:50.360 But he was in Hurricane.

00:56:51.360 Wow.

00:56:51.680 He looked out for Denzel in Hurricane.

00:56:55.740 That guy's a great actor.

00:56:57.200 He plays a lot of prison guards, evidently.

00:56:58.800 Clearly.

00:56:59.720 Shawshank was a bad one.

00:57:01.500 Bad Boys, he was one of the gangsters.

00:57:03.260 He was one of the kids in there.

00:57:05.100 Because, Shawshank, it's about guys going to this terrible juvie home.

00:57:10.220 I could watch Bad Boys.

00:57:10.640 Man, Bad Boys is good, man.

00:57:12.700 I could watch Bad Boys.

00:57:13.700 I would watch that.

00:57:14.740 Do you feel like when something's released in black culture, you're like,

00:57:17.540 oh, fuck, I've got to watch this.

00:57:18.880 No, I'd be like, why am I not in it?

00:57:20.300 Yeah.

00:57:22.560 When I see a white guy in a black woman, I'm like, really?

00:57:24.700 Yeah.

00:57:25.420 He can't promote like that.

00:57:26.600 He can't promote like I could promote.

00:57:28.800 You know what I mean?

00:57:29.320 It's funny because, you know.

00:57:30.920 Do people think you were in movies that you were not in?

00:57:33.080 Oh, it's Malibu's Most Wanted?

00:57:34.420 Yeah.

00:57:34.900 They think I was in Malibu's Most Wanted.

00:57:36.780 Like, we used to talk to your buddy.

00:57:37.940 I was like, some people think I'm in power right now.

00:57:39.860 Mice and Men.

00:57:40.900 Of Mice and Men.

00:57:42.200 I could see you in that.

00:57:43.980 No, any other movies I, oh, there was a movie called The Breaks with Mitch Mulaney.

00:57:49.840 People think I was the lead in that.

00:57:51.400 Really?

00:57:51.980 Yeah.

00:57:52.800 He passed away like 10 years ago.

00:57:54.920 I could see that, man.

00:57:56.060 I'm trying to think of some other people.

00:57:58.500 I get it.

00:57:59.080 People think you're Darren Carter if he got on HGH.

00:58:01.380 I know that sometimes.

00:58:02.820 Nah.

00:58:03.300 I don't like nothing like Darren.

00:58:04.480 Darren started in San Diego.

00:58:05.860 Dude, Darren's funny, man.

00:58:06.640 You put Darren in front of a big crowd, bro.

00:58:08.880 I don't know anybody that could kill us hard, man.

00:58:10.800 He kills, bro.

00:58:11.140 I can.

00:58:12.060 That's fine.

00:58:12.800 I'm just kidding.

00:58:14.720 Like this.

00:58:15.360 He murders, man.

00:58:16.780 That's fine.

00:58:18.020 No, when I started stand up in San Diego, it was funny.

00:58:21.440 The first couple of times I would go to the comic store and sit in the back and just watch.

00:58:24.940 I remember it was like Bobby Lee, Darren Carter was that crew.

00:58:28.400 I remember Darren one time went up and got a heckler and destroyed him.

00:58:33.600 And I went, oh, my God, this is the one.

00:58:37.800 First time you see a comic live deal with a heckler, you're like, I got to work on some shit.

00:58:42.740 I got to go home right now.

00:58:43.320 I would have left.

00:58:44.440 Yeah.

00:58:44.860 I got to find out who my real dad is.

00:58:46.440 Yeah, first time you see a comic do like an hour strong, you're like, holy fuck.

00:58:51.120 You got like five minutes.

00:58:52.380 Yeah.

00:58:53.080 When you first start, that five minutes seems like three hours.

00:58:56.120 Oh, dude, it's so.

00:58:57.960 And you're like, oh, that third joke is going to kill us.

00:59:00.260 You only have three.

00:59:01.300 You're like, once you get to that third one.

00:59:02.920 You got no right or left either.

00:59:04.220 You can't take a right turn.

00:59:05.220 You're like, this is it.

00:59:05.860 I'm working on this in the mirror.

00:59:06.980 Yeah, one guy drops a glass during your first joke and it ruins your whole night.

00:59:10.920 Yeah.

00:59:11.280 Ruins your whole drive home.

00:59:12.400 You don't even acknowledge the crowd.

00:59:14.040 Yeah.

00:59:14.140 Like you are on autopilot.

00:59:15.200 Like literally 9-11 could happen.

00:59:17.960 You're just going through the building.

00:59:19.640 If there was a, there was like an open miker at like a corporate event during 9-11, he

00:59:23.520 would not have acknowledged the building's fault.

00:59:25.440 He would have still been like, so then my daughter, she, everybody's dead.

00:59:31.200 You know what I mean?

00:59:31.740 He wouldn't even acknowledge an open mic.

00:59:33.240 Oh, two more minutes.

00:59:34.200 Yeah.

00:59:35.940 Did they light me?

00:59:36.880 Oh, that's just a fire department coming.

00:59:39.480 We got some news topics.

00:59:40.540 Let's get into a few, Nick.

00:59:42.240 Sure.

00:59:43.160 First up, it's been kind of a recurring story on this podcast, but the leader of the NXIVM

00:59:50.360 quote unquote sex cult was convicted on all charges this morning.

00:59:54.960 They got him.

00:59:56.160 Where's that at?

00:59:57.420 It was in LA.

00:59:59.780 The Allison Mack.

01:00:01.240 That guy was the lead?

01:00:02.460 Yeah.

01:00:02.960 Is that Elizabeth Warren's daughter?

01:00:05.240 Right.

01:00:06.460 First of all.

01:00:07.060 That guy was the lead of a sex cult.

01:00:08.320 Yeah.

01:00:08.740 Yeah.

01:00:09.040 We had someone from the sex cult on the podcast that I booked.

01:00:12.800 And the sex cult cured his?

01:00:15.040 Tourette's.

01:00:15.540 Tourette's.

01:00:15.980 But the reason we-

01:00:16.600 But we didn't know.

01:00:17.440 Yeah.

01:00:18.340 We only booked him because he had Tourette's and we brought him in here and the whole time

01:00:22.040 he thought it was a setup and we were going to ask him about the sex cult, but then

01:00:25.160 it came out throughout the interview and yeah, so we've just learned more about it.

01:00:29.580 And we had Michael Rosenbaum in who was cast members with Allison Mack who was also, she

01:00:34.280 caught charges in this.

01:00:36.040 Now what about this?

01:00:36.860 He branded him?

01:00:37.820 Huh?

01:00:38.680 Well look, dude, you can't have people, look, you can't have your sex culties getting into

01:00:42.360 the neighbor's sex culties yard.

01:00:43.860 Dude, good lord.

01:00:45.060 You know?

01:00:46.040 I'm just saying, man, you can't have, you know-

01:00:48.220 I'm just amazed that this guy was the leader.

01:00:50.140 Bro, if Brenda jumps the fence, you gotta know, you know.

01:00:54.320 Here's what I'm gonna ask you here is, what'd you think about that R. Kelly sex cult, man?

01:00:58.060 What was going on?

01:00:58.740 I know you're, you know, you got your whole life on the pulse of black culture, so what

01:01:03.540 do you, what was going on there?

01:01:05.320 Because you're in the Midwest, you're in Cincinnati.

01:01:07.160 Yeah, yeah.

01:01:07.660 I mean, it's just-

01:01:08.480 Did you know what was going on over the years?

01:01:11.500 Not until the piss tape came out.

01:01:14.080 But then when was that?

01:01:14.780 That was 15 years ago.

01:01:15.980 You know, but R. Kelly had the deep pockets, like he had a lot of the-

01:01:19.840 Were you getting paid off?

01:01:21.080 No.

01:01:21.940 No.

01:01:22.520 I didn't even get tickets to his concert.

01:01:23.760 Okay, well-

01:01:24.280 Nothing.

01:01:24.520 No, I bought 12 play like everybody else.

01:01:27.460 Okay, good.

01:01:28.160 Me too.

01:01:28.860 No, he had a lot of the Chicago PD in his pocket.

01:01:32.540 Yeah.

01:01:32.740 And then when the money wasn't there, can't help you.

01:01:36.240 All of a sudden, now everybody's got lawsuits and tapes coming out.

01:01:40.100 But I watched the Surviving R. Kelly, and I was more like, those parents, the two girls

01:01:44.240 now that he has, those parents brought those girls around.

01:01:49.160 That's why fame is a drug, man.

01:01:50.740 They brought their daughters around going, no, he was exonerated.

01:01:54.800 You know, he wasn't guilty.

01:01:56.340 I'm like, really?

01:01:57.360 There's a tape.

01:01:58.480 But there's such a-

01:01:59.340 Right.

01:01:59.800 And there's such a-

01:02:00.440 There seems to be this strange naivety amongst parents almost, because the same thing happened

01:02:05.400 with the Michael Jackson, you know, with him, with the families just repeatedly bringing

01:02:12.760 the kids around, knowing the kids were, like, in very precarious situations.

01:02:17.900 You don't leave your kid alone, either.

01:02:19.480 Right.

01:02:19.700 But as a parent, do you see how that kind of, I mean, how could something like that kind

01:02:24.160 of happen?

01:02:25.280 Well, some parents, fame is intoxicating, and you're almost in awe.

01:02:29.460 I mean, think about a religious figure.

01:02:31.120 I mean, Michael Jackson was as close as you can get to, like, damn near the Pope.

01:02:35.500 Yeah.

01:02:36.080 You know what I mean?

01:02:36.740 Like, holy shit.

01:02:38.700 The biggest star on earth likes my family, wants to hang out.

01:02:45.200 The weird thing about the surviving Neverland, which I don't believe, some of it I didn't

01:02:49.820 believe.

01:02:50.340 I think they were indulging some of it, but the fact that Mike would just go to somebody's

01:02:54.160 house in, like, the valley.

01:02:56.640 Yeah.

01:02:57.220 Just be walking down the street.

01:02:58.740 Can you imagine doing the dishes, like, don't fuck with Michael Jackson.

01:03:00.840 Just checking the mail.

01:03:02.920 What the fuck?

01:03:03.580 That's old boy.

01:03:04.480 Yeah.

01:03:04.900 That's old boy right there.

01:03:06.060 That's you.

01:03:06.500 That's you.

01:03:07.040 That's you, you.

01:03:07.500 You and the Billy G.

01:03:09.000 Yeah, that's you, Thriller.

01:03:10.220 That's Billy G.

01:03:10.960 You got here, man.

01:03:11.900 Where your coat at?

01:03:12.880 Yeah.

01:03:15.780 I was on stage, actually, doing an open mic here in L.A. at Westwood Brewing Company.

01:03:20.960 This is probably maybe 13 years ago.

01:03:23.880 And there's a window outside that goes to the alley.

01:03:27.840 And across from that, there's an Oz, A-A-H-H-S, costume shop.

01:03:32.740 And Michael Jackson pulled up there one night with his kids and got out of a car after hours

01:03:36.600 and then let him into the costume shop.

01:03:38.160 And he was just in there buying stuff.

01:03:39.680 And then got back into their car and left.

01:03:41.080 Yeah.

01:03:41.200 I was on stage, man.

01:03:42.260 It was crazy.

01:03:43.100 And I literally looked out the window.

01:03:45.240 And I was like, oh, Michael Jackson's out there with his children going into the costumes.

01:03:49.440 That's fucking crazy.

01:03:50.340 I thought I would get to meet him.

01:03:52.520 I had a development deal with Quincy Jones.

01:03:55.860 And we had it for two years.

01:03:58.120 And we just couldn't get the show off the ground for whatever reason.

01:04:01.440 But I was always over Quincy's house trying to develop and everything.

01:04:05.580 And I kept just thinking, I know I'm going to go there one day.

01:04:08.080 And Mike's just going to be there.

01:04:09.260 Wow.

01:04:09.580 I know it.

01:04:10.200 And Quincy's got the best stories.

01:04:12.320 Does he?

01:04:12.680 And you know, he's not lying.

01:04:14.060 Some people indulge.

01:04:15.480 Like that Michael Jackson story, I don't know if I really believe you.

01:04:18.040 Yeah.

01:04:19.560 I mean, like, I trust you.

01:04:21.540 I barely believe me.

01:04:22.360 But I'm like this.

01:04:23.880 I think it might have been Jackie.

01:04:25.520 Yeah.

01:04:27.860 That was Tito.

01:04:28.900 It was not Mike, dude.

01:04:30.460 Sounds good.

01:04:31.280 I'm just kidding.

01:04:32.060 No, no.

01:04:32.720 I feel you.

01:04:33.080 But Quincy's stories, you know he's telling the truth.

01:04:35.640 Wow.

01:04:35.720 When he's talking about Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack and shit like this.

01:04:39.080 I just couldn't get enough of it.

01:04:41.120 Because he would, we, half the time I was with Quincy, he'd be like, we'd be trying to

01:04:45.200 put a show together.

01:04:46.300 But the show would take 15 minutes and then it'd be a two hour session of him just talking

01:04:51.240 about life and shit that he's seen and everything else.

01:04:54.640 You know what I mean?

01:04:55.200 I was like.

01:04:55.620 Like, you've been through a lot, huh?

01:04:56.920 I mean, he's seen it all.

01:04:58.120 He's seen it all.

01:04:59.700 MJ, all of it.

01:05:00.660 What about, what was that I heard, maybe a couple years ago, that you and Cat Williams

01:05:05.660 had an investment or something together?

01:05:07.560 I don't know if it was a food, a restaurant?

01:05:10.080 Nope.

01:05:10.540 I want to say Whataburger or something, but I'm not sure.

01:05:12.260 The only person that ever asked me to invest in a restaurant was Nick Lachey.

01:05:14.940 Really?

01:05:15.520 Oh, because he's in Cincinnati.

01:05:16.600 He had a bar of Lachey's and he tried to get, and he opened the bar and the restaurant,

01:05:21.560 but he was trying to get all like Cincinnati investors.

01:05:24.540 So he got like a couple of the Reds and the Bengals and other people in there.

01:05:30.880 And it just, when I talked to my accountant, he was just like, restaurant's not a good investment.

01:05:37.000 We're not doing that.

01:05:37.780 Yeah.

01:05:37.960 Yeah.

01:05:38.180 You don't want to put up any, that amount of money for that.

01:05:41.900 But did you, so you and Cat Williams never did like a Whataburger or anything like that?

01:05:44.820 What did I hear?

01:05:45.440 I don't know where you hear that at.

01:05:46.600 Have you ever worked with Cat Williams or met him?

01:05:48.520 Yeah.

01:05:49.320 Yeah.

01:05:50.000 Every black comic I know, trust.

01:05:52.540 I've worked with every one of them.

01:05:54.440 Wow.

01:05:54.980 Yeah.

01:05:55.120 What is Cat Williams like?

01:05:55.800 Because I saw him one time, right?

01:05:57.240 He was riding on a bicycle with that, had those, it had like these kind of lights in the wheels

01:06:01.620 down Sunset Boulevard with a couple of other guys.

01:06:04.360 Oh, really?

01:06:04.920 Yeah.

01:06:05.300 Cat's, he's, he reminds me of a kid kind of.

01:06:08.420 He marches to the beat of his own drum without question.

01:06:10.540 Like, you know, you got to realize I've known Cat since 98.

01:06:13.620 Wow.

01:06:13.900 So that's when he first, he had one tooth in the front, you know?

01:06:18.760 And then, but he was, he was crazy.

01:06:21.340 Cat always rolled like he was a huge star.

01:06:25.280 Even when he was like featuring, he had a bodyguard.

01:06:28.020 Wow.

01:06:28.340 Even when he got on Jet Blue, he had a bunch of fake chains on.

01:06:32.400 Like, he was rolling like I'm the guy, just waiting for it.

01:06:35.660 Yeah.

01:06:36.000 And then when he got Friday, the second Friday, it was like that part was written for him.

01:06:42.840 But nobody else could play that.

01:06:44.240 You know, I mean, other people could, but.

01:06:46.240 It was him.

01:06:46.920 It was all him.

01:06:48.380 You know what I mean?

01:06:48.940 And so he always rolled like he had, he did one of the, and I, I've said this on stage.

01:06:54.000 He did one of the coolest things a comic ever did for me after a show.

01:06:57.080 And we were in Austin, Texas.

01:06:59.180 And it literally was a two, it might have been one other person, but it was me and Cat on the show.

01:07:03.260 And it was a weird time in his career because six months prior, we had did Kent State.

01:07:08.800 And he was bubbling like people knew him, but kind of knew him, right?

01:07:12.480 And then all of a sudden, I got this contract, and we were at the basketball arena where the University of Texas plays.

01:07:18.440 I go, why would we be there?

01:07:20.040 I'm thinking me and Cat are good for like 1,500 seats.

01:07:22.980 Right.

01:07:23.460 Not 10,000, right?

01:07:25.260 And I get there, and I go, oh, fuck, this guy popped in six months, right?

01:07:30.500 Wow.

01:07:31.160 So.

01:07:31.480 Is that pretty crazy to see?

01:07:32.500 What was it like to kind of witness something like that?

01:07:34.460 I, you just like, it happened.

01:07:36.340 I don't really think about my, oh.

01:07:37.360 Did you even think it could happen?

01:07:38.860 Was it the first time you kind of saw something like that happen?

01:07:41.680 Yeah, I was like, you're more like how?

01:07:44.440 Like, what, what was it that made him pop?

01:07:46.860 Because I think we're, every now and then it happens, like with Tiffany Haddish and Girls Trip,

01:07:50.340 there's that one role that people just boom.

01:07:52.500 Yeah.

01:07:52.700 But I think it's more now you just pepper people.

01:07:54.480 You keep peppering them, and then hopefully.

01:07:56.280 Then you make some.

01:07:57.460 Yeah, then you make some, right.

01:07:59.300 But I don't know.

01:08:00.040 You know, Friday had been out for a couple years, and then the HBO special came out, and

01:08:03.740 whatever, he just popped.

01:08:06.320 And it was crazy.

01:08:08.020 So we get done with the show, and then my limo, we had two separate limousines.

01:08:13.100 So my buddies were in town, and I was like, I asked my driver, I said, yo, can I get the

01:08:16.720 limo for a couple more hours?

01:08:18.120 And he was like, it's 300 bucks.

01:08:19.120 And I was like, all right.

01:08:20.240 So I tried to give him cash, and he wouldn't take it.

01:08:22.340 He goes, I need your credit card.

01:08:23.740 And I go, but it's cash.

01:08:25.600 You ain't got to tell nobody, dude.

01:08:26.300 Just take it.

01:08:27.220 He goes, dude, I can't.

01:08:28.040 Company policy.

01:08:29.120 As I'm having the discussion, Cat pulled up.

01:08:31.760 And Cat goes, hey, Gary, what's going on?

01:08:32.820 Are you going out?

01:08:33.280 What are you doing?

01:08:33.660 I said, yeah, I'm going out for a couple hours.

01:08:34.720 I said, well, my driver said he don't take cash.

01:08:37.100 He needs a credit card.

01:08:37.980 And Cat goes, hold on.

01:08:40.560 He took my driver around the back of his limo.

01:08:43.180 And to this day, I don't know how much money he gave my driver.

01:08:46.080 All I know is Cat walked by me, and this is all he said.

01:08:48.260 He goes, he's yours for the evening, Gary.

01:08:50.260 Enjoy your night.

01:08:51.060 Oh, yes, they do accept cash.

01:08:53.520 And he just laughed.

01:08:54.680 And I went, thanks.

01:08:56.420 I had never had service like this in my life.

01:08:58.360 That dude, I think he pulled in the club.

01:09:00.900 We went to the club, and we were in it.

01:09:02.920 You want a table?

01:09:03.720 I saw him here.

01:09:05.760 You know what I mean?

01:09:06.480 And then the guy was there the next time.

01:09:08.180 I went, I got back to the room, went to bed, woke up.

01:09:10.240 He was still standing in front of the car.

01:09:11.640 I go, how much fucking money did Cat give this guy?

01:09:13.980 But it was just cool like that.

01:09:15.360 But I heard Cat was notorious for like the $100 handshakes.

01:09:18.800 Like he'd tip somebody and there'd just be $100 in their hand.

01:09:21.200 Yeah, he just loves that lifestyle.

01:09:22.860 He loves to be able to help out.

01:09:23.780 He loves to be able to, it's just something he likes to do.

01:09:27.100 He's a pimp.

01:09:27.680 You know what I mean?

01:09:28.660 He really is, yeah.

01:09:29.840 But you don't know what cat you're getting sometimes.

01:09:32.340 But personally, I've never seen the wild, bad cat.

01:09:36.880 Oh, it could be a house cat.

01:09:39.720 It could be an alley cat.

01:09:40.420 It could be a house cat.

01:09:41.040 It could be a saber-tooth tie.

01:09:42.040 Yeah, you'll know what you're getting that day.

01:09:44.140 But I've never had any real issues with any comics as far as confronting me or going on.

01:09:51.600 What about trap house stuff?

01:09:53.260 Because I know you know they have a lot of black trap house activity.

01:09:55.860 Have you ever been involved in anything like that?

01:09:56.920 Nope.

01:09:58.380 Well, damn, dude.

01:09:59.380 I'm Fresh Prince Black, man.

01:10:00.400 Oh, you are?

01:10:01.040 I don't know what you think.

01:10:01.860 This ain't The Wire.

01:10:02.940 Oh, damn.

01:10:03.600 Look.

01:10:03.920 What the fuck said?

01:10:04.840 Trap house activity?

01:10:06.060 I'm just trying to see.

01:10:06.960 Yeah, man.

01:10:07.460 I'm leaving here.

01:10:09.360 Dude, I'm just trying to see.

01:10:09.960 That's what I find.

01:10:10.540 A lot of comics hustle merch.

01:10:12.540 I hustle coke after my shows.

01:10:15.000 Dude, tell me everything you know, man.

01:10:16.860 I want to know about LeVar Ball, okay?

01:10:19.820 Do you think LeVar Ball cares about his children?

01:10:22.000 That's what I want to know.

01:10:23.460 Yeah.

01:10:24.420 They're mixed, like you said.

01:10:25.840 Watered down.

01:10:26.680 Yeah.

01:10:27.180 If that dude was all black, God, Lonzo would be a beast.

01:10:29.820 Could you imagine?

01:10:30.740 Well, first of all, it'd be Alonzo.

01:10:32.620 They would have never traded him.

01:10:34.480 They would have never traded him.

01:10:36.160 There's no way.

01:10:37.380 LeBron who?

01:10:38.220 The other one is LeJ...

01:10:40.480 LaMelo?

01:10:41.280 Yeah, LaMelo, dude.

01:10:42.300 That's a soda, okay?

01:10:43.480 Yeah, I know, right?

01:10:44.980 Mellow Yellow.

01:10:45.780 Don't you miss...

01:10:46.580 Like, when I was growing up, they had wild black names.

01:10:48.780 Blizzard.

01:10:49.860 Dude, we had a...

01:10:50.300 I've never met a Blizzard in my life.

01:10:51.680 You haven't?

01:10:52.220 You met a Blizzard?

01:10:53.260 In the South, man.

01:10:55.540 We had a Blizzard.

01:10:57.760 Magma.

01:10:58.220 Magma Jackson.

01:10:58.700 Yep, Magma, coincidence.

01:11:01.380 Okay, go to Facebook and find me fucking Magma Jackson.

01:11:05.000 Find me Blizzard.

01:11:05.900 I was taking Theo's word for it.

01:11:07.200 Pull up, go to Facebook and just pull up Blizzard and see if any names pop up.

01:11:12.020 Like, if you put up Mary Jones, there's gonna be a million Mary Joneses that come down.

01:11:15.820 See how many people are named Blizzard.

01:11:17.500 It's Blizz Wilson or Zard Wilson.

01:11:19.320 He's not real.

01:11:24.140 Come on, Blizzard.

01:11:25.600 Come on, Blizzard.

01:11:27.360 Come on, Blizzard.

01:11:27.900 Theo's like, fuck, come on, Blizzard.

01:11:29.580 Oh, it's not coming up.

01:11:31.240 Nick, well, let's get to some other news then.

01:11:34.620 We have two Patriots questions.

01:11:36.120 Look, and we all know Theo's from Boston.

01:11:37.740 Right?

01:11:38.720 Theo went to private school.

01:11:39.940 Where's Blizzard at?

01:11:40.840 Oh, we're looking for a first name Blizzard.

01:11:42.380 Yeah.

01:11:43.200 Well, that could be him down there.

01:11:44.400 That's Terrence Blizzard.

01:11:45.300 Blizzard, Blizzard Jackson, there we go.

01:11:49.080 There he is.

01:11:51.880 He's on MySpace.

01:11:53.040 Oh, yeah.

01:11:55.180 Even Facebook's like, dude.

01:11:56.640 Yeah, broke the search.

01:11:57.760 Look, you know what's gonna come up?

01:11:58.900 Theo's lying.

01:12:02.220 He might go by BJ.

01:12:03.900 Just put in BJ and see what comes up.

01:12:05.720 Oh, Theo's gonna-

01:12:06.120 Blizzard Jackson.

01:12:06.640 Oh, shit.

01:12:07.420 There you go.

01:12:08.740 Gang, gang, boy.

01:12:09.820 He's white.

01:12:10.880 Huh?

01:12:11.220 Blizzard Jackson's white as fuck.

01:12:12.100 We don't know.

01:12:12.740 That's just, I mean, look, he can bet anybody's his peasant.

01:12:14.780 I think it's like Sammy Sosa.

01:12:16.000 He's got all black friends.

01:12:16.800 All black friends.

01:12:17.500 He's got 17 friends.

01:12:19.360 It seems like about him, kind of.

01:12:21.040 He was very much kept to himself.

01:12:23.660 Did you really know a guy named Blizzard Jackson?

01:12:25.200 A hundred percent.

01:12:26.020 From, where is he from?

01:12:27.520 BJ, they called him.

01:12:28.720 He's from Slidell, Louisiana.

01:12:30.840 Slidell's outside of New Orleans, right?

01:12:32.240 Yep, they called him Blizz.

01:12:33.340 Some people called him Blizz.

01:12:34.080 Some people called him Zard.

01:12:37.200 Magma Jackson?

01:12:39.880 And I'm not gonna say they were related,

01:12:41.180 but I'll just say that a similar last name.

01:12:42.760 What about coincidence, Carter?

01:12:48.580 Oh, man, he must have passed.

01:12:53.760 I definitely spelled that wrong.

01:12:55.740 I'm just saying, man.

01:12:57.740 And you might have passed.

01:12:58.400 All these people Theo's talking about, like,

01:13:00.180 not ringing a bell.

01:13:01.620 I think it has a couple Qs in it.

01:13:02.820 Nope.

01:13:03.340 Let's get to some more news.

01:13:04.320 What else do we have, Nick?

01:13:05.420 We actually also have a couple Patreon questions for Gary.

01:13:08.040 Okay, let's get to that then.

01:13:10.100 Question, you got it, you got it.

01:13:11.500 All right, cool.

01:13:12.420 Question one from John Page.

01:13:14.380 Gary, do you feel like you have a sort of special permission

01:13:16.500 to dive deeper into jokes that analyze black culture

01:13:18.700 because your wife is African American?

01:13:21.400 Yeah, of course.

01:13:22.220 Oh, shit.

01:13:22.940 Yeah.

01:13:23.600 Like I said, the black people trust me.

01:13:25.200 Yeah.

01:13:25.800 You know, I'm a friend.

01:13:26.720 I'm a friend when that comes to me.

01:13:27.600 Then you gotta start playing the middleman, dude.

01:13:29.800 It's if there's any miscommunications, you know?

01:13:32.380 I'm here.

01:13:33.540 Just white America don't know yet.

01:13:35.080 Okay.

01:13:36.280 That's why when you said questions, you got two.

01:13:38.240 Okay.

01:13:38.500 We got two questions for Gary.

01:13:41.600 Well, we actually had a lot, but we only picked, I picked two of these.

01:13:43.960 And the second one was from Dalton Windham.

01:13:46.700 It was, what was the craziest thing you've ever seen happen at a comedy club?

01:13:52.380 Crazy thing.

01:13:53.140 Oh, man.

01:13:53.840 Most of it's in the early days because when you're open micing, you're hitting bars.

01:13:58.800 I used to do some wild shit.

01:14:00.800 For me personally, I...

01:14:03.420 You threw an egg roll.

01:14:04.340 No, I got escorted.

01:14:06.660 I was in Louisville, Kentucky, and it was the night before Thanksgiving.

01:14:09.500 It was a big party night.

01:14:10.940 And this guy named Spike Davis had a one-nighter.

01:14:13.180 Look him up.

01:14:14.540 Spike Davis is legit.

01:14:15.600 You're going to find Spike Davis.

01:14:16.680 Look him up, dude.

01:14:18.080 Watch how fast Spike Davis pulls up.

01:14:20.860 Bam.

01:14:21.460 Holy shit.

01:14:22.180 And he's from Louisville.

01:14:23.060 What the fuck?

01:14:23.920 Okay.

01:14:24.600 Okay.

01:14:25.020 We'll accept Spike Davis.

01:14:25.960 Oh, yeah.

01:14:26.240 No, you can Google Spike Davis comedian.

01:14:27.720 He's right there.

01:14:28.140 Spike Davis.

01:14:28.600 Where?

01:14:28.920 Carnival Cruise Line.

01:14:30.540 Comedian at Carnival.

01:14:31.520 Comedian.

01:14:31.940 He's doing cruise lines now?

01:14:33.220 Yeah.

01:14:34.320 Yeah, that's him.

01:14:35.920 Look, the University of Louisville.

01:14:37.400 That's Spike.

01:14:37.680 See, my shit pops up.

01:14:39.100 I don't know who you'd be lying to, Leo.

01:14:41.320 But this guy, okay.

01:14:42.140 So this guy, Spike Davis, he had a Wednesday night in Louisville.

01:14:45.040 And the problem with his show was, the chairs are on a dance floor.

01:14:53.060 And the later it gets, the night turned into a club.

01:14:56.920 So the comedy is supposed to start at 8.

01:14:58.960 It should be over by 10.

01:15:00.560 Yeah.

01:15:00.680 So people get, well, the show starts late.

01:15:03.280 Then I'm the headliner, so I'm going up late.

01:15:05.100 So by the time I hit the stage, pushing 10.30, 10.45.

01:15:09.600 So people start to come in that want to go party.

01:15:12.900 So you're fighting.

01:15:14.560 You know, the people here are laughing, but the people here, they're ready to party.

01:15:17.380 They're like, get this fucking dude off the stage.

01:15:18.940 We're at a party.

01:15:19.760 So you're dealing with it.

01:15:20.920 So I start getting hecklers.

01:15:22.360 So I'm having fun with this one guy.

01:15:24.060 Like, we're going back and forth.

01:15:25.260 And it's actually galvanizing the crowd because now everybody's in on it.

01:15:29.660 But I said, hey, man, why don't you come on stage?

01:15:31.760 We can play the dozens.

01:15:33.160 You know, not knowing two people didn't like me.

01:15:36.380 So I turn around and I, from me to you, there was two brothers, gold fronts, didn't like they have shit to lose.

01:15:43.340 They were just on the stage.

01:15:44.980 And I went, oh, shit.

01:15:47.000 I jumped off the stage into the DJ booth.

01:15:50.520 Can you jump on?

01:15:51.060 And I still had the mic.

01:15:52.020 Back then, I could get, dude, when your life's in danger, watch.

01:15:56.020 Watch Peter Parker.

01:15:57.600 So I'm still got the mic talking shit to them, right?

01:16:00.460 And they're getting upset.

01:16:01.780 So literally, they escorted them out.

01:16:04.760 I didn't know they had undercover people in the club, right?

01:16:08.040 Police officers.

01:16:09.120 They escorted the guys out.

01:16:10.880 They literally, I'm not lying.

01:16:12.200 And they had me ducking down, took me out a back door, and got in a car, and the guy had his pistol out, driving me to the hotel.

01:16:21.480 And I was like, what the fuck's going on?

01:16:23.340 I go, dude, we're just playing safe.

01:16:25.080 I think they were just, they didn't tell me.

01:16:27.580 Clearly, those guys were trouble.

01:16:30.000 So they was like, we're just playing it safe, you know, just taking me back to the hotel.

01:16:33.120 So I get back to the hotel, and they go, they were going to have somebody sit in the parking lot until I left the next day.

01:16:41.260 I go, dude, I'm leaving tonight.

01:16:43.200 Damn.

01:16:43.320 So this dude, and I was living in Cincy, so it's just like an hour or two hour drive.

01:16:47.000 Is this the Underground Railroad, dude?

01:16:48.820 No.

01:16:49.160 So the dude followed me.

01:16:50.760 What is going on?

01:16:51.300 Literally, he followed me back until I got on 75.

01:16:54.660 And once I got on the highway, he like flashed his lights, and he veered off.

01:16:58.520 And then I just drove back home.

01:16:59.800 I was like, what the fuck was all that?

01:17:02.080 Why does Spike call me like after the weekend and goes, hey, man, they love you down here, man.

01:17:07.780 They want you back.

01:17:08.660 I was like, I will never be back in that fucking club.

01:17:12.080 The fact that he waited like four days, like I'm going to forget.

01:17:15.120 I got escorted out.

01:17:16.420 Hey, man, they love you down here.

01:17:18.360 He never brought up.

01:17:19.180 I got escorted out.

01:17:20.600 Dudes rush the stage.

01:17:21.740 They love you down here, man.

01:17:22.740 They want you back.

01:17:24.060 I will never be back in your club, bro.

01:17:27.180 Never.

01:17:28.220 And I got sucker punched in Detroit after a show.

01:17:31.520 Oh, wow.

01:17:32.360 Dude, you're out there.

01:17:32.740 I've been doing it 20 years.

01:17:34.420 This is minor shit, right?

01:17:35.280 Yeah, that's true, actually.

01:17:36.340 And all this shit happened early.

01:17:37.840 None of this shit has happened in the last 10 years, right?

01:17:40.340 So I'm in Detroit.

01:17:41.900 And after my show, I go to this place called the Lyceum, right?

01:17:46.600 I'm not lying.

01:17:48.360 Like, Theo shit, I'm like this.

01:17:49.600 I'm not lying.

01:17:50.800 Like, all my shit is legit.

01:17:52.340 You can find Lyceum nightclub in Detroit, Michigan.

01:17:55.200 Yeah.

01:17:55.820 Let's see if that's a real thing.

01:17:56.720 I don't know how you spell it.

01:17:58.020 I don't know how you spell it.

01:17:59.020 Lyceum was the name.

01:18:00.900 Detroit.

01:18:01.140 Look up Lyceum Hanson, too, a kid I went to junior high with.

01:18:05.500 I'm just saying, man.

01:18:06.740 He's out there.

01:18:07.580 Oh, they never heard of it, it says right there.

01:18:09.780 Uh-uh.

01:18:10.240 Watch how that shit pops up.

01:18:13.460 I mean, keep me honest, 10 years ago.

01:18:14.920 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:18:15.820 It never happened.

01:18:18.380 There's pictures of it, man.

01:18:19.640 Dude, that could be anything, man.

01:18:21.800 You're spelling it wrong.

01:18:22.660 There's an S.

01:18:23.580 Come on, let's go.

01:18:24.600 There's an S in it.

01:18:27.720 This fucking guy don't know how to spell it.

01:18:29.140 That's your problem.

01:18:29.740 No, he's fine, dude.

01:18:30.640 That guy is doing fine, dude.

01:18:33.200 Dude, it's called Lyceum.

01:18:34.340 E-Lyceum.

01:18:34.820 I think there was an E in the front.

01:18:35.920 No, who gives a damn.

01:18:36.820 I think there was an E in the front.

01:18:38.540 No, fuck this.

01:18:41.160 E-Lyceum.

01:18:41.900 Elysium.

01:18:42.280 Elysium Lounge.

01:18:43.200 Oh, my God.

01:18:43.880 Gary told the truth again.

01:18:45.480 So, anyways, closed.

01:18:47.400 All right.

01:18:48.160 So, I'm at Elysium Lounge.

01:18:49.420 This thing got three stars, dude.

01:18:51.320 Hey, shut up.

01:18:52.940 Look, it was after my show.

01:18:55.140 We go to Elysium, right?

01:18:56.720 And when I walked in, like, these three girls was like, Gary, can we get a picture?

01:18:59.720 I was like, yeah.

01:19:00.100 So, I take a picture with them.

01:19:01.100 Then they go to the bar.

01:19:01.700 I got my buddy Reggie and his wife, right?

01:19:03.980 So, the bartender comes and goes, $125 for three drinks.

01:19:08.900 I was like, what?

01:19:09.940 I go, how much are the drinks?

01:19:10.800 They go, well, those girls said you were buying their drinks, too.

01:19:14.040 Without even looking at the girls, I looked at the bartender.

01:19:16.280 I go, oh, I'm not buying no bitches drinks here tonight.

01:19:18.720 And all of a sudden, I turned around.

01:19:20.160 The girl's like, you call us a bitch?

01:19:21.740 And I was like, no, I said bitches per se, like, bitches.

01:19:25.140 But I never got to say that.

01:19:26.760 I don't know where these fists came from, but these dudes went, bing, bing, bing.

01:19:31.140 Like, I got hit three times.

01:19:32.340 From men?

01:19:33.040 Yeah.

01:19:33.720 Over the girls, right?

01:19:34.920 I don't even know who the dudes were to this day.

01:19:36.740 Yeah.

01:19:37.100 Right?

01:19:37.520 And I literally just hit my buddy Reggie.

01:19:39.600 I go, let's go, man.

01:19:40.460 This place is whack.

01:19:41.900 So, I just walked out of the club.

01:19:44.280 Now, I'm in the car, and I'm in the rearview mirror, like, looking like this to make sure

01:19:47.700 I'm not cut up.

01:19:48.400 I'm fine.

01:19:49.460 And then his wife comes out.

01:19:50.880 Reggie's wife comes out, or girlfriend.

01:19:52.280 She's like, she's hysterical.

01:19:53.680 She goes, yeah, you all right?

01:19:54.600 I said, yeah, yeah.

01:19:55.180 I go, what happened?

01:19:56.780 She goes, that was like the funniest and scariest shit.

01:19:59.160 They said, because you were getting hit, but still talking.

01:20:01.460 Oh, yeah.

01:20:01.740 Because it happened so fast.

01:20:02.440 So, really, I was like, I ain't calling her by a bitch.

01:20:04.620 Let's go, Reggie.

01:20:05.240 This place is whack.

01:20:07.080 And all I was thinking was, I was on, I just got hired to be on House of Pain, that Tyler

01:20:12.420 Perry show on.

01:20:12.720 Oh, you didn't want to get in trouble.

01:20:14.500 I didn't start filming yet.

01:20:16.080 I didn't want to show up dotted up.

01:20:18.000 Yeah.

01:20:18.240 There was nothing in me that said fight back or figure out what's going on.

01:20:23.080 It just said, get the fuck out.

01:20:24.820 Yeah.

01:20:25.280 You know, this could get worse.

01:20:26.240 And I'm just so glad I didn't have any marks on me.

01:20:28.480 I did have a knot up here.

01:20:29.580 They got me pretty good.

01:20:30.260 Really?

01:20:30.540 But I ducked.

01:20:31.180 I just got me.

01:20:31.700 I got punched by a guy on steroids there and hit with a fence board once at Mardi

01:20:35.160 grow up by a guy.

01:20:36.140 Did you just story time me?

01:20:37.640 Do you?

01:20:37.940 I was kidding.

01:20:41.600 No, I got hit.

01:20:43.480 Do you get more nervous, man?

01:20:44.900 If you're like in an all black environment, do you get nervous sometimes?

01:20:47.820 Not at all.

01:20:48.460 Yeah.

01:20:48.880 I don't really get nervous anymore.

01:20:49.740 You just, I wish I could get that feeling when I first started doing stand-up.

01:20:54.800 Oh, nervous on stage?

01:20:56.100 Just the drive to the comedy club or wherever you're about to perform, I wish I could get

01:21:01.240 that feeling again.

01:21:02.340 Yeah.

01:21:02.660 Because I felt like you just felt like your senses was on 20.

01:21:06.120 You didn't want to hear nothing.

01:21:07.500 You couldn't talk to anybody in the car.

01:21:09.080 You're just, you're so, I wish I could get that feeling.

01:21:12.220 Like the open mic days, God, it was such a good feeling inside.

01:21:15.720 Isn't it so funny that you're so scared then and you can't go back to that, you just can't

01:21:19.260 go back in.

01:21:19.820 There's no way to get back there, really.

01:21:21.460 It's like, it almost felt like when you were playing high school football, like before

01:21:24.580 the game started.

01:21:25.040 Oh, yeah, I remember that.

01:21:25.880 It's the closest feeling I've had to that.

01:21:27.800 You know what I mean?

01:21:28.560 Yeah.

01:21:28.620 So it's like, nowadays you're just, you know, you're not like nervous.

01:21:32.840 You're just like, okay, it's a job.

01:21:34.780 Back then, it's not about ticket prices, it's not about ticket sales, it's not about what

01:21:38.380 the check is.

01:21:39.080 It's just straight, I want these people to laugh at these jokes.

01:21:42.260 I hope these jokes work.

01:21:43.680 Yeah.

01:21:43.940 Now there's so much else that goes with it.

01:21:45.380 You're looking at your guy.

01:21:46.580 Did you count the room?

01:21:47.380 Yeah.

01:21:48.020 All right.

01:21:48.500 What kind of percentage deal we got?

01:21:49.700 Yeah, this ain't teriyaki chicken.

01:21:51.640 Right.

01:21:52.040 We got some.

01:21:52.980 Where's my?

01:21:54.060 This ain't fucking teriyaki chicken, you fucking plastic Cambodian.

01:21:59.460 Yeah.

01:21:59.880 You guys don't have Asensia?

01:22:01.180 Yeah.

01:22:01.580 What the fuck?

01:22:02.200 I mean, I'm drinking Fiji.

01:22:03.180 Fake Cambodians, dude.

01:22:04.880 Camphodians, bro.

01:22:05.920 Hey, let's take this question that came right here for you, Gary Owen.

01:22:11.400 What's up, Gary?

01:22:12.760 What's up, the old gang gang?

01:22:15.380 Um, what's it like being a Bengals fan?

01:22:20.520 Uh, I can name two Bengals players ever.

01:22:24.800 Chad Ochocinco and, uh, the endangered species quarterback.

01:22:29.920 So, I just want to know what, what, what's that like, man?

01:22:35.260 Tyler Eifert, Icky Woods.

01:22:36.580 You ever met Icky?

01:22:37.580 Mm-hmm.

01:22:38.320 Icky's a good dude.

01:22:39.360 Is he?

01:22:39.540 Still lives in Cincy.

01:22:40.200 Does he?

01:22:41.000 Mm-hmm.

01:22:41.480 He had a, he had a, like, his son passed, someone was a really good high school football

01:22:45.340 player and passed away.

01:22:46.180 He had, like, some weird asthma attack or something.

01:22:49.640 Came out of nowhere.

01:22:50.880 Like, it shouldn't have killed him.

01:22:52.280 Yeah.

01:22:52.580 And he passed away.

01:22:53.480 Icky's a good dude.

01:22:54.900 Uh, listen, man.

01:22:56.700 I don't know how that fucker don't know two Bengals.

01:22:59.080 Tyler Eifert.

01:22:59.860 The greatest offensive tackle in the NFL was Anthony Munoz.

01:23:03.100 Yeah.

01:23:03.560 Like, and that is not even up for debate.

01:23:06.200 Yeah.

01:23:06.360 So, suck a cock, dude.

01:23:08.040 Well, I mean, yeah.

01:23:09.220 No, I'm just kidding.

01:23:09.880 No, everybody knows him.

01:23:10.620 No, it's frustrating being a Bengals fan.

01:23:11.320 But he's not a position player.

01:23:12.200 He's not, like, you know.

01:23:13.040 Yeah.

01:23:13.280 It's tough being a Bengals fan, man.

01:23:14.440 It's like an abusive relationship.

01:23:15.340 It's like Ike and Tina Turner.

01:23:16.360 Just keep coming back for more abuse.

01:23:18.060 Yeah.

01:23:18.680 But we got a new coach.

01:23:19.580 Got a new regime.

01:23:20.500 You know?

01:23:20.860 I tell you, I caught a lot of little flack last year because I did a video.

01:23:25.300 I was kidding.

01:23:26.660 And I did a video like, hey, Bengals, front office, you think you guys can maybe take

01:23:30.500 care of me this year if I want to go to a game?

01:23:31.780 Or I'm like one of the few.

01:23:33.440 It's like, literally me and Nick Lachey are the only two people out there that are vocal

01:23:36.280 about being Bengals fans.

01:23:38.180 Yeah.

01:23:38.360 That are on TV and are out there.

01:23:41.000 In entertainment.

01:23:42.420 And I called for tickets one time and they said no.

01:23:47.040 And I went, really?

01:23:48.560 Like, my publicist called.

01:23:49.540 She goes, this has never happened, Gary.

01:23:51.480 Like, they just said no.

01:23:52.480 And then the guy sent, like, an eight-page email explaining why they could not leave me

01:23:56.520 tickets to the game.

01:23:57.360 And there was 8,000 empty seats at the stadium.

01:23:59.780 And I went, you've got to be kidding me.

01:24:02.380 And then the players started DMing me, like, we'll leave you tickets.

01:24:05.420 Like, the players, right?

01:24:06.800 Hilarious.

01:24:07.260 And then it's not about buying the tickets.

01:24:09.560 It's just like, that's your squad.

01:24:11.740 Yeah.

01:24:12.080 You rep them.

01:24:13.120 You go on the NFL network, ESPN.

01:24:15.520 They know.

01:24:16.060 You think they could show some love.

01:24:17.020 Like, Jerry's the Bengals guy.

01:24:17.720 Yeah, they know everything.

01:24:18.480 They should know everything that's going on.

01:24:19.560 Well, I mean, that's what you do.

01:24:20.860 Like, if you see, like, Seattle.

01:24:23.340 They got a 12th man.

01:24:24.660 Seattle has a suite, the Seahawks, where when their celebs come in that are Seahawks fans,

01:24:29.320 they put them in this suite.

01:24:31.760 And go to Atlanta.

01:24:33.460 You got Samuel L. Jackson pumping up the Falcons for the game on the big screen and everything.

01:24:38.960 It's like, that's just what you do.

01:24:40.400 You take care of you.

01:24:41.180 Robert Kraft always takes care of the Boston guys.

01:24:43.860 Right.

01:24:44.300 Cincinnati's got two.

01:24:45.520 Well, they should include something fun and something exciting.

01:24:48.160 Do you feel like...

01:24:51.780 What'd they say in the email?

01:24:54.140 What was his...

01:24:54.920 It was something about revenue sharing.

01:24:57.160 How They Can't Leave a Ticket.

01:24:58.000 I go, oh my God.

01:24:59.140 When they went to England three years ago, the Redskins left me tickets.

01:25:03.280 I was like, you gotta be kidding me.

01:25:04.420 The Redskins front office was like, yeah, we got you.

01:25:06.960 Left me field passes, tickets.

01:25:09.520 And the Bengals was like, nah.

01:25:11.180 Can't do it.

01:25:11.620 I was like, you gotta be...

01:25:12.840 And then last year, so the...

01:25:14.300 Do you still go to the games?

01:25:15.940 Yeah, because it's not the...

01:25:17.400 I'm a fan of the Bengals.

01:25:19.620 And they were at my city.

01:25:21.300 And the players have nothing to do with that.

01:25:22.880 It's just it's a mom and pops run organization.

01:25:25.180 And, you know, it was crazy because last year, I did the funny video.

01:25:30.380 Go, hey, Bengals, you think if I go to a game this year, you guys maybe can take care of me?

01:25:33.560 And I gave them like a wink, like an Instagram post.

01:25:36.280 So I guess they got a lot of emails from fans going, how do you not take care of our guy?

01:25:41.160 You know?

01:25:41.620 And then...

01:25:42.460 So they did this.

01:25:43.720 This is what they did.

01:25:44.920 They said, yeah, we're gonna leave you tickets and field passes and everything to the first home game.

01:25:50.080 But we're gonna do a contest where people are gonna send in like their email and then we're gonna pick a name to get to go to the game with you.

01:25:58.660 I said, great.

01:25:59.660 So they kind of used it to get people on their email list so they can start sending them like packages.

01:26:05.660 Like, hey, we got a two-game package for you to go to.

01:26:08.320 So then I go to the game with these two fans.

01:26:10.440 Had a good time with them.

01:26:11.960 And they took care of me.

01:26:12.820 So then I...

01:26:14.700 Pittsburgh, I found out I'm gonna be in town on like a week's notice and it's the Steeler game.

01:26:18.800 So I sent an email to the girl that was my contact.

01:26:22.040 I go, hey, I'm gonna be in town this week.

01:26:24.300 You think it's cool if I come to the game?

01:26:26.160 She goes, oh, no, this game's way too popular.

01:26:28.860 I went, wow.

01:26:30.300 Damn.

01:26:30.880 So...

01:26:31.400 They put you in your place, Gary.

01:26:32.720 So I posted, damn, really, Bengals?

01:26:35.800 Guess who called?

01:26:37.300 Bengals, I mean, Pittsburgh's front office.

01:26:39.020 Wow.

01:26:39.660 Guess who had been tickets to the game?

01:26:40.880 Pittsburgh.

01:26:41.160 The fucking Steelers.

01:26:42.280 Damn.

01:26:42.600 And Steelers was like, we take care of people.

01:26:45.820 I was like this.

01:26:47.080 It's a goddamn shame.

01:26:48.220 Wow.

01:26:48.900 And do you think it's because of the color of your skin?

01:26:51.080 No, not at all.

01:26:52.380 It's just how the Bengals do business.

01:26:53.740 That's their...

01:26:54.600 It's not a very good front office.

01:26:56.200 And then...

01:26:57.060 So I had Will Packer coming in town.

01:26:59.060 He's a Bucs fan.

01:27:00.180 And I was very animate with the Bengals.

01:27:01.840 Like, if I could pick one game you could take care of me and I want to show this guy.

01:27:05.880 This is one of the top movie producers in the world.

01:27:09.640 I was like, he's a Bucs fan.

01:27:10.780 So me and Will always, he comes to Cincinnati when the Bucs play and I go to Tampa when the Bengals play the Bucs in Tampa.

01:27:19.320 And it's only every four years because they're in different conferences.

01:27:22.500 And Will was coming and I asked the Bengals, you know, and they said, yeah, we got you.

01:27:26.440 They left me row 30 for Will Packer.

01:27:30.020 I went, no way.

01:27:31.740 That's still pretty good, man.

01:27:33.260 That's terrible.

01:27:34.180 Really?

01:27:34.720 For one of the biggest producers in the world.

01:27:38.740 Movie producers?

01:27:39.560 I don't know who he is, but I don't know who a lot of people are.

01:27:41.020 You don't know Will Packer?

01:27:42.080 Uh-uh.

01:27:42.800 Okay, he did Think Like a Man, Ride Along, Girls Trip, Night School, Stomp the Yard.

01:27:49.020 Oh, wow.

01:27:50.040 Just show debuted yesterday on Oprah's network, Ambitions.

01:27:54.420 Will's like the guy right now.

01:27:55.680 Wow.

01:27:56.260 He's got the big deal with Universal.

01:27:58.220 Like his movies, he doesn't have one L yet.

01:28:00.820 All his movies have made money.

01:28:02.040 Yeah, I just don't know any producers.

01:28:03.420 Oh, yeah, I recognize him.

01:28:04.780 Wow.

01:28:06.320 Yeah, maybe they're just a little bit behind the times.

01:28:08.560 You think?

01:28:09.600 You think.

01:28:11.140 Let's get a couple more.

01:28:12.600 There's his movies.

01:28:13.560 There's all his movies.

01:28:14.540 Wow.

01:28:15.480 Just a few.

01:28:16.100 There's some hitters, man.

01:28:17.900 Wedding Ringer?

01:28:18.880 That sounds bad.

01:28:20.160 What Men Want?

01:28:22.680 Jacob's.

01:28:23.180 I mean, he's.

01:28:23.640 Jacob's Ladder?

01:28:24.920 It must be remaking that.

01:28:26.040 What, about Peep and Toms?

01:28:27.220 Straight Outta Compton?

01:28:28.920 Ride Along?

01:28:29.780 I'm in.

01:28:30.360 No good deal.

01:28:31.300 Let's hit.

01:28:32.380 What are the news we got, Nick?

01:28:34.420 See, Bella Thorne, her phone was hacked, and they found some of her nudes, and she was

01:28:39.540 being threatened, and so she decided to release them on her own to get out in front

01:28:44.940 of it, and then Whoopi Goldberg was critical of just her taking pictures in the beginning.

01:28:55.320 Oh, yeah.

01:28:56.820 And here's what Whoopi had to say.

01:28:58.480 Take them and put them in.

01:29:00.100 Listen, if you're famous, I don't care how old you are.

01:29:03.440 You don't take nude pictures of yourself because.

01:29:05.880 But she only wants to share with one person.

01:29:07.320 But she should.

01:29:08.160 Listen, when they're hacking you, they're hacking all of your stuff.

01:29:13.080 So whether it's one picture or a million pictures, once you take that picture, it goes

01:29:19.920 into the cloud, and it's available to any hacker who wants it.

01:29:24.020 And if you don't know that in 2019, that this is an issue, you.

01:29:30.360 I agree with her, I think.

01:29:32.100 I agree with her.

01:29:33.360 A lot of people took issue with that and said her logic was flawed.

01:29:37.500 Like, are you never going to buy stuff online because your credit card could get hacked?

01:29:40.940 And Bella Thorne put out a tearful response to Whoopi for her victim blaming, essentially.

01:29:48.480 Yeah.

01:29:49.000 Well, it wasn't that.

01:29:51.120 It was just, I think it was Whoopi's tone.

01:29:53.060 It came across very aggressive.

01:29:54.900 And if she could have switched it into the same thing, it was like, look, I get it.

01:29:58.440 You wish you could take pictures and send to your husband or your wife.

01:30:01.400 My wife sent me a new one time.

01:30:02.520 I said, don't ever fucking do that again.

01:30:04.140 Don't do that shit.

01:30:04.960 And she goes, what?

01:30:05.540 I go, don't.

01:30:06.800 I said, dude, you just can't risk it.

01:30:08.860 Don't ever send me no new pic.

01:30:10.680 Ever.

01:30:11.720 I went off on her.

01:30:12.880 I said, don't do that shit.

01:30:14.500 Last thing I want is your shit out there, and I got to deal with that.

01:30:17.000 You know what I mean?

01:30:17.540 I was fucking jacking off to my wife and showing her that shit.

01:30:19.900 Get a Polaroid.

01:30:21.040 And a Blizzard Jackson would have definitely jacked off my wife.

01:30:23.240 Dude, bro.

01:30:24.040 Without question.

01:30:25.180 Blizzard's keeping it.

01:30:25.780 And a Genevieve Conquistador.

01:30:27.360 What was the other guy's name?

01:30:28.120 No.

01:30:28.320 No.

01:30:30.580 Coincidence.

01:30:31.720 Carter.

01:30:33.860 Apparently, you guys grew up around some fucking weak, fucking powder puff motherfuckers, dude.

01:30:38.320 Yeah.

01:30:39.120 That we can find.

01:30:40.720 That we can find.

01:30:41.940 People are using electronics and not even thinking about what they do or what they're capable of.

01:30:47.180 I mean, that's one thing.

01:30:48.880 It's kind of wild that there isn't a class that shows you all the things that actually go on when you have a phone

01:30:54.060 and when you're sending photos to people and all of this, like the transmission, the things that possibly could get stolen,

01:30:59.880 how things could get taken.

01:31:00.880 That almost seems like it should be a course that should be for children these days

01:31:04.260 because you don't realize the level of the intense power of a phone that you have in your hand.

01:31:11.160 When you send someone a photo, yeah, you're not even thinking, oh, it could go out somewhere.

01:31:15.140 But this thing's totally capable of that.

01:31:17.520 You're not even knowing what laws are even attached to it that they could be taking what you're saying

01:31:21.800 and using it to advertise against you.

01:31:25.620 It seems kind of bizarre.

01:31:27.060 It also seems like, to me, also like Bella Thorne seems like a little bit of a fucking nutcase.

01:31:31.700 But so does Wolpe, so I'm not surprised that both of them are up in this shit.

01:31:33.660 Well, like I said, that was all her tone.

01:31:35.840 Like she was basically scolding Bella Thorne instead of saying, look, it's not your fault at all.

01:31:42.820 But you just got to be careful.

01:31:45.040 You got to realize once you send those nudes, you take that risk.

01:31:47.480 Yeah, this isn't you drawing a picture and handing it to somebody, you know?

01:31:50.980 Yeah, for real.

01:31:52.000 So I think that was just all her tone.

01:31:53.400 Yeah, I think that's a good point.

01:31:55.120 And most dramatic actresses are sensitive.

01:32:00.120 Yeah.

01:32:00.600 Sensitive creatures, man.

01:32:01.600 Insane, they also say at a certain point.

01:32:03.980 I worked with that girl on the Bad Baby music video.

01:32:07.180 And she was...

01:32:08.980 Who, Bella Thorne?

01:32:10.320 Yeah.

01:32:11.080 And she was...

01:32:12.160 I mean, she's definitely attractive, but I don't know.

01:32:15.380 I could see anybody, any of those people having like an ego that was just, to me, was astronomical, you know?

01:32:20.880 But then also, she's a big star, I guess.

01:32:23.900 What's her biggest credit?

01:32:25.440 She came up on a Disney show and was doing that for a while.

01:32:29.820 And then now she does...

01:32:31.340 She doesn't do like huge studio movies, but she does like the teen stuff like that.

01:32:34.920 But she wasn't in The Trap?

01:32:36.360 She was not in The Trap, no.

01:32:37.960 What about The Trap 6?

01:32:39.160 I don't know her.

01:32:40.880 What about this?

01:32:41.740 What else do we have, Nicholas?

01:32:43.500 That's kind of it for news.

01:32:44.740 Yeah?

01:32:44.960 We're at about 95 minutes.

01:32:46.580 Okay, cool.

01:32:47.460 Wow, we're deep, man.

01:32:49.080 That's what I do, man.

01:32:50.180 Time with me just flies by.

01:32:51.600 Tell me, do you have any good Gary Minke stories out of Cincinnati or not?

01:32:54.360 Holy shit!

01:32:55.540 How do you know Gary Minke?

01:32:56.920 Bro, who doesn't know Gary Minke?

01:32:58.140 For our listeners, Gary Minke...

01:32:59.380 Holy fuck!

01:33:00.300 You talk about taking me back!

01:33:01.860 Oh, Gary Minke...

01:33:02.840 You're gonna get burned eventually.

01:33:04.500 Oh, dude.

01:33:05.760 Gary Minke is a magical little Israelite that lost half of his house and I don't know what

01:33:14.160 happened to him.

01:33:14.580 Fucking Gary Minke?

01:33:15.860 But he's like a guy who books people...

01:33:17.440 That's a real person.

01:33:18.240 That's not Blizzard Jackson.

01:33:19.780 Oh, sure it is.

01:33:22.600 Minke's real.

01:33:23.540 I don't believe anything you say anymore.

01:33:25.120 Gary Minke...

01:33:25.680 Okay, Gary Minke was a guy that...

01:33:29.220 Let me tell you, the good and bad thing about Gary Minke, if you were struggling and you

01:33:33.500 had a halfway decent name and said, Gary, I need $500, he would find you a gig somewhere.

01:33:39.060 Yep.

01:33:39.960 Somewhere, he'd be like, yo, Dover, Delaware.

01:33:41.800 Somewhere in America.

01:33:42.360 I got you.

01:33:43.000 Got you.

01:33:43.320 You know what I mean?

01:33:43.940 But just trust you're gonna get burned at some point.

01:33:47.340 Yeah.

01:33:47.580 And Gary burned me New Year's Eve in Orlando.

01:33:51.740 I'll never forget it.

01:33:52.900 I had it probably 2005 or 2006, I bet.

01:33:57.140 So he goes, Gary, man, look, I'm on New Year's Eve this year.

01:34:00.080 I said, all right.

01:34:00.640 And I'm okay, but I'm not really moving tickets enough.

01:34:04.860 I have to be at a comedy club to move tickets.

01:34:07.100 You can't put me at a place where they don't normally see comedy.

01:34:10.600 Okay.

01:34:10.740 You know what I mean?

01:34:11.600 So he books me at some club that has a stage that doesn't do comedy, but they do shows.

01:34:18.400 Right.

01:34:19.300 I'm thinking 12 people were there, and they kept holding the show, and I go, guys, they're

01:34:25.080 not coming.

01:34:25.900 I'm telling the dude that's there, a bus is not about to pull up and 500 people get out.

01:34:31.680 Let's just do this 12 people and get on with it, right?

01:34:35.620 They ain't having money, right?

01:34:37.100 The club guy, I didn't make no money, man.

01:34:40.100 I'm like, well, my deal's with Manky.

01:34:42.800 So I'm calling Gary like, yeah, man, we got you.

01:34:45.260 We got you.

01:34:45.960 I got it.

01:34:46.700 I go, Gary, I need something, man.

01:34:48.780 I done.

01:34:49.460 So basically, long story short, I didn't get shit.

01:34:52.080 So I flew down.

01:34:53.820 The only thing Gary got me was the hotel room.

01:34:55.660 Yeah.

01:34:56.220 You know what I mean?

01:34:56.920 And then it was funny because the guy, his business partner, Gary Manky is a stumpy white

01:35:03.120 dude.

01:35:03.500 Yeah.

01:35:03.740 So he had this other black dude that was the co-promoter on this with Manky, right?

01:35:10.100 So the black dude just wanted to pick me from the airport.

01:35:12.520 And when I left, then I go, don't worry about it.

01:35:14.700 I don't need to ride home.

01:35:15.520 I don't need to see.

01:35:16.100 I'll deal with Gary.

01:35:16.780 I don't know you like that, right?

01:35:18.280 So the black guy had the nerve like a year later to show up and call the Tampa Improv to

01:35:25.920 say he knows me and wanted tickets to the show.

01:35:27.940 And I go, no, that guy's got to buy tickets.

01:35:29.820 Oh, damn.

01:35:30.480 So then he buys tickets.

01:35:32.160 So then afterwards, he's coming up.

01:35:33.880 Damn, you're the Cincinnati Bengals all of a sudden.

01:35:36.120 Right.

01:35:36.420 Then he comes out afterwards, like, doesn't he even bring up the fact you guys still owe

01:35:43.460 me money from New Year's?

01:35:44.520 Wow.

01:35:44.960 And he's got like his whole crew with them and they're taking pictures with me.

01:35:49.180 And he goes, yeah, I'm going to get one of them t-shirts, man, with the merch shirts.

01:35:53.000 Like, my Brad's like, dude, I go, charge him, right?

01:35:56.740 He was like so, just stared at Brad.

01:35:59.560 Brad was like, you know, $20.

01:36:00.460 It was like a stare-off.

01:36:02.980 Wow.

01:36:03.920 And he looked at me.

01:36:04.800 He looked at Brad and I go, and I'm looking, I'm like, it's $20 for a t-shirt.

01:36:08.320 Like, he just didn't want to be embarrassed.

01:36:10.580 He thought he was just going to grab some shit for his people.

01:36:13.040 Like, we're boys.

01:36:13.860 I'm like, dude, did you forget?

01:36:15.600 What happened?

01:36:16.020 You fucking didn't pay me?

01:36:17.280 That's Minky, bro.

01:36:18.420 You know?

01:36:19.200 Minky.

01:36:19.400 I haven't worked at Minky's since, but, you know.

01:36:22.260 Oh, he's a legend.

01:36:23.220 He's a legend.

01:36:23.960 Especially in that part of the country.

01:36:26.620 Yeah.

01:36:27.260 Tampa to Richmond to Omaha.

01:36:29.040 Florida.

01:36:29.240 Tampa up to the Midwest, Missouri.

01:36:30.920 The stray animal belt.

01:36:32.140 Yeah.

01:36:32.820 That guy.

01:36:33.960 Man, I can't believe you don't do Gary Minky.

01:36:35.780 Dude, I'll tell you this.

01:36:36.540 Gary got the best story ever, man.

01:36:38.020 He had, you know, Gary used to carry a bunch of tickets with him in his pockets, and he'd

01:36:41.140 give them out to people for stuff around town for free stuff.

01:36:44.140 You know what I mean?

01:36:44.600 Oh, yeah.

01:36:45.140 You go to a restaurant?

01:36:46.040 I never pay for food with Gary.

01:36:47.420 Well, I would end up paying for food.

01:36:48.780 He would say, well, he's going to treat me.

01:36:50.140 The manager would not accept the tickets, and then I had to pay for the dinner, right?

01:36:54.860 Oh, wow.

01:36:55.260 So, one night, Gary gets a couple milkshakes from McDonald's, right?

01:37:01.640 And he gets one for now and one for later, dude, you know?

01:37:06.120 And so, he's walking across the parking lot.

01:37:09.740 This is in Cincinnati, and they had got a couple of black girls fighting, right?

01:37:12.900 So, he goes over to watch and polish off one of the shakes, right?

01:37:17.340 So, the problem is he gets a little too close with his phone, and he starts filming them,

01:37:21.760 you know?

01:37:22.460 So, he's holding one milkshake in his hand, the other one pressed against his chest,

01:37:26.980 watching these ladies fight.

01:37:28.760 He gets too close.

01:37:29.700 They turn on him and start coming after him, right?

01:37:31.980 Now, he starts running, his pockets are full of all those tickets that he usually gives out.

01:37:36.480 Free tickets for the bunny belt.

01:37:37.440 It pulls his shorts down.

01:37:39.220 Now, he can't run, and he's got two shakes, dude.

01:37:42.020 And these girls beat fucking...

01:37:44.040 Oh, you see he got beat up?

01:37:45.020 Oh, they beat a shake and four fists right out of his ass, bro.

01:37:48.020 And the whole time, he was getting beaten, but also trying to hold on to the shakes like Double Dare.

01:37:52.660 Remember Double Dare?

01:37:53.720 Yeah.

01:37:54.200 Yeah, bro.

01:37:54.860 Those great kids slimed.

01:37:56.260 Yeah, he got fucking smacked up.

01:37:58.420 Double Dare's real.

01:37:59.940 Oh, it's...

01:38:00.320 Lizard Jackson?

01:38:01.480 I still have a question about it, but Double Dare was a real show.

01:38:04.100 Well, look up BJ and see if that's a person, man, because that's who we're missing.

01:38:09.020 He played for the Bulls.

01:38:10.180 There you go.

01:38:10.740 What was the...

01:38:12.420 Okay, yeah, when Gary, when the Funny Bone opened in Cincinnati, which was in Newport, Kentucky,

01:38:17.540 back in like 2004, he hired a relative of mine that he didn't know was a relative of

01:38:23.320 mine.

01:38:23.620 And I go, he goes, yeah, man, I got this young girl, man.

01:38:26.960 She's like hustling tickets, and she's out in the streets, and she's moving shit.

01:38:30.600 And I told Gary, I go, that's my cousin?

01:38:33.080 I go, she's on drugs, dude.

01:38:35.060 I go, she's gonna rip you off eventually.

01:38:37.600 And he goes, I don't know, but them crackheads can move some tickets.

01:38:40.440 Wow.

01:38:41.940 It's like, it was my cousin that was living on the street.

01:38:45.500 I was like, dude.

01:38:46.380 That's crazy.

01:38:46.700 He'll get anybody, man.

01:38:47.520 I was like, Gary.

01:38:48.220 And then when she showed up, she was like, Gary!

01:38:49.860 I was like, okay.

01:38:53.420 I don't know how she's getting them tickets out there.

01:38:55.380 He's a hustler, man.

01:38:56.280 I was like, and the clientele showed.

01:38:58.460 It was a lot of her friends.

01:39:01.000 Like Tuesday nights at the Funny Bone.

01:39:02.660 Ooh!

01:39:03.920 They weren't moving a lot of food.

01:39:05.620 Sounds like a lot of, yeah, I was saying, like a 12-step meeting.

01:39:09.520 Gary Owen, thanks so much for coming and joining us, man.

01:39:12.180 Really appreciate it, bro.

01:39:13.500 Yeah, you're welcome.

01:39:16.700 What, the guy never closes?

01:39:18.080 Like, no, thank you, man.

01:39:18.900 Yeah, you're welcome.

01:39:20.200 Try being on time next time, Theo.

01:39:22.360 Now I'm just floating on the breeze

01:39:25.000 And I feel I'm falling like these leaves

01:39:27.940 I must be cornerstone

01:39:31.280 Oh, but when I reach that ground

01:39:35.840 I'll share this peace of mind

01:39:37.980 I found I can feel it

01:39:40.040 In my bones

01:39:42.160 But it's gonna take

01:39:45.080 A little time

01:39:47.800 For me to set that parking brake

01:39:51.460 And let myself unwind

01:39:53.900 Shine that light on me

01:39:58.440 I'll sit and tell you my stories

01:40:04.100 Shine on me

01:40:09.120 And I will find a song

01:40:13.340 I will sing it

01:40:14.900 Just for you

01:40:16.760 And now I've been moving way too fast

01:40:24.300 On a runaway train

01:40:25.700 With a heavy load of power

01:40:27.440 Ladies and gentlemen

01:40:32.100 I'm Jonathan Kite

01:40:33.280 And welcome to Kite Club

01:40:34.600 A podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts

01:40:36.840 On things like current events

01:40:38.260 Stand-up stories

01:40:39.480 And seven ways to pleasure your partner

01:40:41.800 The answer may shock you

01:40:43.700 Sometimes I'll interview my friends

01:40:45.700 Sometimes I won't

01:40:47.040 And as always

01:40:48.580 I'll be joined by the voices in my head

01:40:50.540 You have three new voice messages

01:40:53.400 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club

01:40:56.400 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long

01:40:59.200 Longer than anybody else

01:41:00.840 So great

01:41:01.640 Hi, sweetheart

01:41:03.580 Easy deal

01:41:04.700 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club

01:41:07.140 Is a dodgy bloody wanker

01:41:09.200 Jermaine

01:41:09.880 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese

01:41:13.160 And a McFlurry

01:41:14.200 Sorry, sir

01:41:14.780 But our ice cream machine is broken

01:41:16.060 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me

01:41:21.020 Anyway

01:41:21.480 First rule of Kite Club is

01:41:23.420 Tell everyone about Kite Club

01:41:25.140 Second rule of Kite Club is

01:41:27.080 Tell everyone about Kite Club

01:41:29.320 Third rule

01:41:30.100 Like and subscribe

01:41:31.260 Wherever you listen to podcasts

01:41:33.000 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:41:35.340 And yes, don't worry

01:41:36.380 My Brad Pitt impression will get better

01:41:38.420 Seki Club

01:41:40.060 So

01:41:40.500 Gesser

01:41:40.980 Go

01:41:41.500 Go

01:41:42.220 Go

01:41:43.140 Go

01:41:43.500 Go

01:41:43.680 So

01:41:44.040 Go

01:42:04.120 Go

01:42:05.100 Go

01:42:07.360 Go

01:42:08.240 Go

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - June 20, 2019

Gary Owen ｜ This Past Weekend #208

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