Honest with Myself ｜ This Past Weekend #119
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 37 minutes
Words per Minute
181.58022
Summary
In this episode, I talk about a woman in the distance, and why it s important to have a dirty damsel in a distance. It might be a woman you know, or it might be someone you don t know. And maybe it s not even a real woman.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
This podcast is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza, 1811 Pico Boulevard in Los Angeles.
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We're grateful to both of those places for their support since pretty much day one.
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We wouldn't be here today if it weren't for them.
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This past weekend is brought to you by Skillshare.
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Skillshare is an online learning platform with over 20,000 classes in business, design, technology, and more.
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I mean, so quickly, there's a skill right now that you probably want to have.
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Again, go to Skillshare.com slash Theo to start your two months now.
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This weekend, I'll be in Pasadena on Wednesday, August 8th at the Pasadena Ice House.
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Tickets available at TheoVaughn.com slash tour.
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As well, in two weeks, I'll be at the Laugh Factory in Chicago.
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You guys, all tickets available at TheoVaughn.com slash tour.
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Tour, you know, sometimes you see that swimming pool when you jump in and you don't know how deep it is.
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You know, sometimes you jump into a pool and it's beautiful.
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Sometimes you jump in and you, that bottom is two inches down.
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And that water had that little, you know, that's a mirage.
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So, who knows, but this is where we are right now.
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We're flying by the seat of our pants and we're in the air.
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That's a little hitter right here, a little diddy.
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Since the day she left her home, she thought her daddy didn't love her.
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She had a man at the time who was on his way to jail.
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And I thought she needed someone different to drag with her to hell.
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Man, everybody's got an evil woman in the distance, don't they?
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And it might be an actual, it might be an actual woman.
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You know, it might be that little dandruff, that little dandruff damsel in the distance.
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That just, man, you just can't help but scratch your head when it comes to thinking about that woman.
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But then it might be a pervert, you know, not even a real woman, just a hypothetical.
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You know, it could be a drug in the distance that you keep far away.
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It could be a memory that you're hiding from or that you're running from or this that you steer clear of.
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You know, it could be something that you keep at arm's length.
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You know, we all have things and, you know, I have, or we don't know, who knows if we all have things.
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You know, I have some, I have some things that I keep.
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You know, I have some truths that I keep at arm's length.
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You know, I don't always want to be fully honest with myself.
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You know, I think it's interesting how wild it is to be, to be fully honest, fully honest.
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If I want to tell myself the 100% truth, I don't know, I don't want to do that.
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You know, and that's one of my goals this year and the rest of this year is to get fully honest with myself.
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You know, just to live in the, just to, I just don't, man, I,
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and I don't think, and I don't have a lot of skeletons in the closet,
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but damn, boy, you could hear some femurs just acting fancy in there once in a while.
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You know, and the crazy thing about honesty, the crazy thing about the truth,
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The truth carries a drum, and in the beginning,
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if you, when you have the truth and you don't let the truth free,
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But when you put that truth away, it gets its little drum out.
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And it'll just start making a little sound and a little sound.
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And then that sound just keeps, that sound grows in you
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until that truth is just fucking Jerry Page or whatever.
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Or, you know what I'm saying, fucking Lonnie Van Zant back there,
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And then you just, dang, man, the truth will not,
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it just, you know, that's just that sound and it just wants to get out.
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And that's the truth, is the truth wants to be quiet.
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And when you've got that truth caged up, boy, that thing can get really loud.
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And that's where I'm at sometimes, just living sometimes,
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you know, I just want to live, I want to live on that plane of just freedom.
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And it's a journey, I think that's all life is, man.
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You're like, damn, dude, look at that fucking boat, man.
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Then you're out in that bitch and you're like, what the fuck, dude?
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You get life at zero, you're like four days old.
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You get to be alive, two days old, whatever, six minutes old.
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And you get that right out the gate, you get life.
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You don't know that, you know, you just don't fucking know.
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And Gary Vaynerchuk, man, he's that money-minded little, you know, he's that little dollar monster.
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You know, he's like that, you know, he's like the Walter White of fucking Wall Street.
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And look, you know, I'd seen videos of his on Facebook.
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From walking away, you know, I was out there with this group called Stationary Astronaut.
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And Gary Vaynerchuk, man, he gave out some good advice.
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He said, and I'm just sharing this information that I heard with you.
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Now, and this is stuff that I took that I thought was helpful.
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He said that he thought that right now these are simple things.
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That land, that you could get real estate in New York for pennies on the dollar right now, he thought.
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And another thing that he said was that advertising on Instagram and Facebook are cheaper than they will ever be.
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And he also just, I think he genuinely wants people just to be, to be woke, you know, to be woke up when it comes to business.
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Now, some people, it's like, you know, you were infected with this world where everything, you got to do business.
00:11:00.980
You know, and Gary Vaynerchuk seemed like that money Muppet.
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Like if you say, if we's all Muppets, because we's all.
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Up your full body skirt, you know, and making you Muppet.
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And Gary Vaynerchuk, you know, whatever hand is coming to him, it's that money hand.
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And in Rochester, Minnesota, if there's a city on earth where there are angels at,
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I mean, this city, first of all, the Mayo Clinic is there.
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And the Mayo Clinic, you know, when I was young, some people know and some people know
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my sister was, suffered from a rare liver disease called biliary atresia.
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And it affects one and maybe almost half a million children.
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And they're, something with their liver, their bile duct or something that doesn't work.
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And you know, I remember as a kid, man, it would be so crazy because we couldn't touch
00:12:20.340
our little sister, you know, and we couldn't like hug her and we couldn't play with her
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And so it was, you know, I think some of my connectivity issues and stuff, I think a lot
00:12:34.800
of my intimacy issues maybe even developed right there, you know, like, you know, and
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I, and you don't realize it when you're a kid as much, but, you know, it makes you kind
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of scared that you can't, you know, that you have a little girl that's sick and a little
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girl that's sick and then you can't touch her, you know, you can't play with her, you're
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Um, cause she had to wear like a bag, you know, sometimes and she had to, you know, I remember
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she would go away and, uh, and she was two years younger than me.
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So she would go away and, um, she'd come back with all these scars on her, you know, they
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would, you know, you know, they carve into her a little bit.
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She'd come back looking like, uh, you know, like, uh, that, that, that Thanksgiving turkey
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about three hours into the, into the, into the giving, you know what I'm saying?
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I mean, that turkey gave, you know, if on Thanksgiving, say, say dinners at one, you, you, you go
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You drop eyeballs on that fucking turkey about three 30 in the afternoon.
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That thing looks like it's been in a damn gang bang with a couple of knives, you know,
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You know, she'd come back to look kind of chopped up and she'd have these sutures and
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I never thought about that, that that could have been something that kind of
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kind of, you know, maybe adjusted how I interact with people, uh, or especially women even
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or anybody sometimes in like a, um, spatial kind of, you know, physical spatial type of
00:14:09.280
We couldn't play with her and she would be sick and it was just kind of scary.
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Anyway, there was a point when, and, and she would go all over the country because it
00:14:17.240
And my sister ended up getting a liver transplant and, uh, and that was crazy.
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You know, I remember being real young and, um, and we would do fundraisers and we would
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take those cans around town and put the cans out, you know, at the pizza parlors and whatever
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for people to put money in the cans, uh, for my, for my sister, you know, to raise money
00:14:40.880
for a transplant cause she needed, uh, she needed constant care and she needed a transplant
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She need that extra fucking straight up body hitter, bro.
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And that liver is a, dude, that liver, whoo, whoo, that liver, bro.
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Liver will shine you up and put you back on and you go to work the next day.
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You know, your liver will ring you out and tighten you up.
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And, and so anyway, man, you know, she ended up getting a transplant years later, but when
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I was young, uh, she had to go to the Mayo Clinic and the Mayo Clinic is there in Rochester.
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And you're talking about, you're talking about a hospital that I want to say they see, there's
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like a million, there's like a million, almost a million and a half patients that come through
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And so some of you guys are thinking, ah, that's crazy.
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Uh, Rochester, Minnesota population is 114,000.
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Um, but the Mayo Clinic brings in over a million people pass through that city every year.
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So you want to talk about a place where, you know, where good is happening and you can feel
00:16:17.540
You could feel, there were so many nice people.
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Even if they had thugs in there, the dudes were fucking nice, you know?
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You know, I mean, you, it's the kind of place where if you, even if you got mugs, some
00:16:27.820
dude would be like, give me all your money, you know, if you're kind of okay with that.
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Uh, give me all your money if you don't, you know, if you could, you know, and I'll give
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You know, it was that kind of place where there's just a lot of good in the air up there.
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And it was just a blessing to be there, man, because I was back there.
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And cause here's what happened was when my sister went one time when we were kids, we
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got to go up and see her cause it was a holiday.
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And so we got to go spend a Christmas up there in Rochester, Minnesota when I was a child and visit
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And they have a huge Ronald McDonald house up there and everything.
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I had a great time and I got to listen to Gary Vaynerchuk and it was cool.
00:17:11.260
One thing I realized about being, listening to like inspirational speakers, cause I don't
00:17:16.400
You know, I'll watch the Tony Robbins documentary that came out this year.
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But one thing is, um, you know, it's, and I probably had some judgments about Gary V.
00:17:31.960
They had a wealthy wine business and blah, blah, blah.
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And what is, you know, what struggle has he had and blah, blah, blah.
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But then he was inspiring and sometimes it's good to just hear somebody inspire you.
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Like I might not, maybe I agree with everything this guy says.
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Maybe I don't, but the guy is, has achieved a lot of successes and he's speaking to me
00:18:10.020
I left there more inspired, had a couple of new ideas, um, and I left there more inspired,
00:18:19.000
And, uh, the stationary astronaut group that brought me out was, um, was amazing.
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Uh, that song on the way in, um, was by Brooks Doherty and you could check that out.
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We'll put a link to that if there is one, um, in the YouTube and in the comments.
00:18:34.680
And, uh, and yeah, we've all got those truths or those things that we keep or that woman
00:18:40.620
or that ex or that we've all got something that we keep about 200 miles away.
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We've all got something that we keep at arm's length.
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You know, we've all got something that, you know, it's hard to, you know, sometimes, and
00:19:00.140
Uh, thank you to everybody that came out of Minneapolis.
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Um, look, I'll be honest, that theater was a dump and it was, and the staff was great.
00:19:08.160
Am I saying that the staff wasn't, wasn't great, man?
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Uh, they had a young man there who we didn't have, there was no lighting to take photos
00:19:15.320
Um, uh, the microphone wasn't why it wasn't a wire mic.
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Like, um, you know, the stage and I, I just, I'd say this to apologize.
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I'm not even really trying, I'm not trying to offend the venue.
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You know, the play, it just, it is what it is, right?
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The stage had a hill, it had this, like, messed up part in the flooring of the stage where
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when I stepped on it, it, like, made this da-dunk sound.
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So as I'm walking around, da-dunk, da-dunk, da-dunk.
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And, uh, and so then the first show, I couldn't even, I couldn't even be mobile because there
00:19:58.140
There was, like, a little hill, uh, almost in the middle of the stage.
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You know, they had these, these very dim purple lights on us.
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So I want to apologize to the people that came out to the first show.
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Um, the second show, they got the lights going, you know.
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I said, hey, man, we got to turn these lights up.
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And we had them fix the stage and make it flat because, like, it's a stage.
00:20:27.800
And the second show, I felt like we really were able to really just, uh, do better.
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You know, I had a lot of fans that reached out and, you know, uh, made comments and stuff.
00:20:45.040
Um, and so I feel some responsibility because I want it to be the best.
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I want it to be, look, man, I'm excited to come.
00:20:50.320
Um, and I wanted to be there and, I don't know.
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I just felt like I let some people down a little bit.
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Uh, but, but anyhow, we'll, you know, if we go back there again, we'll make sure everything's
00:21:00.800
shined up or we'll go somewhere else or we'll see how it goes.
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But, um, but I was definitely grateful to be there.
00:21:06.740
And we, you know, both shows were sold out and, you know, we've got some great pictures
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afterwards with the strap, uh, and I wish the lighting had been better.
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They brought in like some floodlights from a construction site or something.
00:21:19.300
Uh, so look, sometimes that's how we have to do it.
00:21:24.260
And people in Minnesota are so kind and friendly that everybody was so supportive.
00:21:27.720
I saw a couple of mullets out there and, uh, you know, what's interesting about the mullet,
00:21:35.780
Um, what's interesting about it is, so look, so I have this haircut and to me, this feels
00:21:46.100
You know, the kind of guy who definitely is down to fuck, you know, but also has some
00:21:53.280
That's that patented straight up modern man cut.
00:21:59.540
You want that penis and it's going to be kind of, you know, it'll be decently long, but it's
00:22:05.140
You know, if you want that super hard keck, you know, you might want to go travel back in
00:22:09.780
time about 20 years when that thing was really pertinent.
00:22:13.080
But, um, or when I was about 17, you know, when I was just running on full spring.
00:22:18.680
Um, cause I also, some people don't even know this.
00:22:21.860
Uh, you know, I was born when I was about five, maybe four or five years old, I had an
00:22:29.700
And some people were like, well, what are you talking about?
00:22:32.400
And what I'm talking about is exactly what I just said is that I had that, I had that
00:22:38.220
AP, you know, that early, that adult pianist, you know?
00:22:42.740
And I'm talking about fucking, you know, Vincent Van, you know, that, I had that Vincent Van
00:22:51.500
You know, I had that straight up, that pianist.
00:22:54.680
And I know Vincent Van Gogh isn't a, is it, didn't play the piano, but I had that fucking
00:23:05.460
And a lot of people think it's cool and stuff having a man's penis, having a, you know,
00:23:10.920
that MCZ, that man kick at a young age, but it isn't, you know, it's heavy.
00:23:17.080
Um, it strains, it's strain on your legs, on the side of your legs, even strains on your
00:23:28.300
It happens in few people, you know, probably maybe, I think, I don't know if I've seen a
00:23:34.180
I had a, I mean, I had all kinds of penile issues growing up and it's crazy.
00:23:38.640
We've talked about some of them before, you know, had a very small wiener hole.
00:23:43.580
And so when I would urinate, it would, I mean, you know what I'm saying?
00:23:48.580
I could, I could hit a fucking soybean on a cat's back from probably about maybe nine feet
00:23:57.380
And that is, I mean, and I could just, and I could even, here's what I could do.
00:24:00.700
I could wash a couple, I could wash a couple of pieces of sea salt off the top of a soybean
00:24:06.900
So that fine, that's fine of a stream because I had a small, I don't know what it's called
00:24:12.860
I had a very small wiener hole and that's what people call it that aren't doctors.
00:24:18.580
And so I could, you know, I had that flow, but then I had to go and get it surgically opened
00:24:22.160
up because it was too, I mean, it got to the point where I was getting older and it was
00:24:26.640
13 feet, 14 feet, you know, and people are paying money to see me piss and it would just
00:24:31.760
get crazy and, and it burned and it burned the inside of my body.
00:24:36.800
Anyhow, but I had an adult man's penis at a young age and, um, and the hard part about
00:24:42.360
having that when you're young is that trying to sleep, you think it's walking around and
00:24:50.500
You know, your body get kind of your, your thighs get strong, you know, your thighs get
00:24:55.560
real cock ready because they have to, you know, they have to transport, you know, real
00:25:07.900
And if you, sometimes I would fall asleep on my own wiener, I can't even know what I'm talking
00:25:12.280
about this, but I'll fall asleep on my own wiener and it would make me sick because the pressure
00:25:17.260
of it just pushing against my young belly at night would make me almost vomit.
00:25:42.000
Thank you to everybody that came out of Minneapolis.
00:25:57.500
You know, people bring you gifts sometimes on the road.
00:25:59.340
Uh, some man brought me a couple of G pig skulls, couple of Guinea pigs, you know, them
00:26:04.300
fucking Guinea craniums, you know, and I'm not talking about Italians.
00:26:07.360
I'm talking about the small animals and it's a couple of dude brought me a couple of Guinea
00:26:11.340
craniums, um, and I don't know how this dude got it.
00:26:15.300
I mean, this, and I will, uh, I'll try to put a picture of him in here.
00:26:20.040
He brought me the skulls of, of Guinea pigs and then they were all doctored up.
00:26:25.200
You know, he had literally dark art in them and he, you know, made them fancy.
00:26:29.200
And I mean, these are the kinds of things that this is had a little bit of witchery in
00:26:38.120
One of them said onward and one of them said dark arts and they were beautiful little skulls.
00:26:42.460
And I don't know if he'd, you know, been doing soup or what he'd been doing, but, um, but
00:26:51.540
Sometimes I, you know, sometimes I bring them on the show.
00:26:53.880
This is a t-shirt somebody brought me in, uh, and it stinks, honestly, and that's okay.
00:27:00.400
Um, and I just, you know, this, this shirt was given to me years back by my friend Garrett.
00:27:16.540
Um, anyway, Garrett's in Peru right now, teaching English to young adults.
00:27:20.640
As you know, being in another country can get lonely.
00:27:23.880
I sent him a link to your podcast videos and he is loving that shit.
00:27:27.240
He's been doing better and learning to love himself.
00:27:29.780
Uh, he was stoked that I'm getting to see you tonight.
00:27:32.760
So, uh, this was given to me in Minneapolis this weekend and it says, um, thank you for
00:27:43.880
And what I, uh, and I appreciate the shirt, dude.
00:27:46.600
And I will, you know, this smell like another man and that's the thing, brother, you know,
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maybe it didn't even, it might be clean, but it smells like another man.
00:27:57.820
It's hard as an adult male to put on another man's shirt.
00:28:02.520
I mean, when it has so much of that man in it, I mean, this man has had this shirt for
00:28:08.620
That's a lot of man already baked in to that thread count.
00:28:14.960
That's like about probably maybe, maybe 70 thread count cotton and maybe 40 thread count
00:28:24.020
And you know, it just makes you feel uncomfortable as a man, as a straight man.
00:28:32.460
Um, you know, there's some things that make me feel why like that.
00:28:37.460
If you've ever, if a man has gotten out of bed, you've ever laid in that man's bed
00:28:40.740
immediately in his warm spot and you're a straight man, that is, that is, you know,
00:28:53.100
That'll make squirrels start nibbling at your neck, you know, and for, for gay men, it might
00:29:01.440
It might be, you know, it might be like, you know, uh, body heat freeze tag or something.
00:29:09.200
You know, it would make sense that that's a more of a comfortable realm, you know, for
00:29:17.260
If you snuggle up in that thing, if your man's gets out of bed, but as a straight man, and
00:29:22.920
if another man gets out, you know, say if you climb into a dude's bed and he'd been in
00:29:27.080
there and you snuck in, you know, and he left to work or something, you've been sleeping
00:29:30.360
in his house on the couch with no covers and your buddy finally goes to work and you fucking
00:29:35.400
want to catch two more hours of Z's because you stayed up all night sipping on Zimas, you
00:29:41.180
know, and watching Judge Judy, then now you can, and you go slip into his bed, but you
00:29:46.020
catch a, there's still a little bit of his warmth in there.
00:29:55.300
It makes you feel like just fucking somebody is just beating you in the neck with a fucking
00:30:01.900
It makes you feel uncomfortable, but that's how this shirt makes me feel a little bit.
00:30:06.500
It's got Michael Jackson on it, but also, you know, and I'm thankful to Garrett and everybody,
00:30:11.180
but, uh, but it's hard to wear another man's shirt like that.
00:30:14.240
But the beauty in it is even when the place isn't ideal and even when the show doesn't
00:30:20.080
go cause the lights, cause they're, you know, they're trying, they're changing the lights
00:30:23.340
in the middle of it and the sound, they don't even have a wired microphone in the joint that
00:30:27.760
they, um, that we get to have moments like this where somebody comes out and maybe a nice
00:30:37.260
You're not afraid to share some, you know, something with somebody else and you're not afraid
00:30:43.520
And this, this meant a lot to me and I brought it back here to this podcast and I want to
00:30:49.760
We also got this, this, a postcard came in and I'll put that into our, um, we do an anthrax
00:30:54.600
challenge where we open up a lot of mail, uh, every month and we'll put one of those up,
00:30:59.320
um, maybe, uh, at the end of this week as well.
00:31:08.200
We went to eat before at a place like literally right across the street and there were some
00:31:12.820
people that were headed to the show, uh, and we had a nice time and, uh, we'll do a follow
00:31:20.160
We shot a little bit of video and, um, and thank you to so many people have reached out
00:31:24.860
to help out in different cities and start to do some cinematography and videography for
00:31:29.740
Uh, and things are going to, things are coming along.
00:31:33.540
I got this idea that I want to do like a game show for me, like a cleaning lady in a
00:31:41.640
Because I've had some experience with cleaning ladies, dude.
00:31:43.720
One time, you know, some little vixen, you know, some little, uh, some little, uh, you
00:31:52.140
know, some little love, Daisy, some little lady, some little frulein, some little, uh, you
00:32:00.060
know, whispery, you know, whispery little wiener monkey, some beautiful lady, or maybe
00:32:06.700
not even beautiful, but decent looking, um, stayed over in my hotel room, right?
00:32:13.760
And she had in the middle of the night, you know, something happened.
00:32:16.340
And I'm not saying we did sex or anything like that.
00:32:25.320
You know, we might've done each other's hair and arm wrestled.
00:32:28.700
But a lady stayed over and she had a mother nature hit her in the middle of the night,
00:32:34.920
you know, hit her down in that, you know, in that a positive aqueduct, you know, she got
00:32:41.840
And I know that's kind of vulgar and I'm not trying to talk about it, but she got a little
00:32:47.820
She got a little bit of that, you know, that O negative aqueduct kind of opened up a little
00:32:57.380
You know, I can only imagine if they had eggs moving around in my body, I'd want to
00:33:01.900
fucking, you know, take a little heat off the engine every now and then, you know, and
00:33:07.840
do that, you know, and do a little bit of men's stride.
00:33:11.040
But, uh, so anyway, you know, um, you know, and it was okay.
00:33:16.900
It was, you know, we just kind of joked about it in the morning cause I wet the bed.
00:33:19.840
I was 30, 30, you know, I think the last time I really, you know, flowed out was when I
00:33:27.060
was 30, you know, and I used to, you know, just straight up run big yellow out into the
00:33:36.280
Cause I would drink so much apple juice and man, I pissed big on apple juice, bro.
00:33:42.060
Nobody, I'll tell you this and I'll put this up against any, any child in America.
00:33:45.740
No child could wet the bed like I could when I was really out there as a child and I was
00:33:52.760
Dude, I could wet the bed four times in a night, son.
00:34:01.460
You better invite some ghosts over to the house cause we need more sheets.
00:34:06.700
You better invite a couple of clients, man, over here.
00:34:12.300
Cause I'm going to piss every sheet in this house, dude.
00:34:14.840
Dude, I'd wake up three, four times a night to change the sheets.
00:34:19.860
If you had me sleep at your house, dude, I was that little mattress wrecker.
00:34:28.680
I would just, I'd be rusting up the springs in that thing, boy.
00:34:32.420
You better put me on a, you know what I'm saying?
00:34:34.680
By the third time I stayed at your house, they had me sleeping in the dog bed.
00:34:38.520
I'm snuggling up between a Shih Tzu and a Wamaraner.
00:34:45.140
Straight up just dropping urine out into the world.
00:34:50.800
I mean, the second I closed my eyes, I think I was just, if anything, I think I was scared of the dark and I would piss myself.
00:34:57.340
But if I had apple juice, if daddy had a little sip of that AJ, cause the second I had any apple juice, I had it all.
00:35:03.840
I could hide a gallon in my gullet, but then in the middle of the night I would flow out.
00:35:11.980
Anyway, so this girl, you know, she had some menstrual and I had to tell the cleaning lady about it cause I felt bad.
00:35:18.460
You know, I felt, I didn't feel responsibility, but I felt like, you know, accidents happen, things happen.
00:35:27.180
Somebody's going to do a little bit of menstrual, you know?
00:35:30.720
And, um, and so anyway, cleaning ladies have to deal with stuff like that.
00:35:34.120
So what I'm saying is I would love to do a thing where we do like this surprise game show in the hotel room for a cleaning lady.
00:35:40.400
You know, like she's in there, suddenly we surprise her, jump out from behind some curtains and I don't want somebody fucking, you know, beating me down with a straight up one of them toilet cleanser things, you know, or beating me down with a can of Comet or something or straight up Windex and daddy in the face.
00:35:57.060
I don't want to, you know, so we have to be careful, but then maybe we do a couple of questions or something to have her win some money or something.
00:36:03.460
But, uh, but that would be another neat thing to do out on the road.
00:36:06.400
But, um, but we'll see, man, we're getting more, we're slowly, it's slow, it's slow here, but we're getting the wheels turning.
00:36:14.000
Um, what else I want to tell you guys, but that's what happens, man.
00:36:17.720
No matter what, when we're out on the road, if it's the, if it's the greatest setup, if it's not that most ideal setup, uh, you guys come out and we have a good time, you know, and we get the job done and we, and we meet up and we spend time together.
00:36:30.400
And it wasn't the most ideal way to spend time together.
00:36:33.180
Uh, after the shows, I like to spend a little bit more time, you know, and I felt flustered.
00:36:38.260
So I want to apologize to the people that came out to the first show, uh, that it just, we weren't able to create more organization in there.
00:36:45.040
And, uh, and that won't happen again, just cause I value that time, you know, I'm flying out there to do this.
00:36:50.660
I want to put, I want, you know, I want this to be a great experience.
00:36:53.400
I want this to be a lot of fun, you know, I feel grateful to be able to, to, to be, you know, joking around and I feel grateful that we're all doing, you know, we're out here doing this.
00:37:05.540
But that's a beautiful city, Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minnesota.
00:37:09.800
If you want to, you want to go to a place, you know, they say you go to a place where there's, you know, people go to the, the, the, the wizard wall or whatever in, uh, Israel or, or Palestine.
00:37:20.340
Or they go to the, you know, they go to, I don't know what that place is called, Jerry's volcano or whatever, someplace, you know, where they're think there's like magic, you know, old faithful.
00:37:35.340
Bermuda triangle places where they think there's magic in the world.
00:37:38.720
You want to know about one of those go to a Rochester, Minnesota, because the love that has to be in that city, you know, I was talking to a bartender that worked there and she said, you know, it's really tough because if you,
00:37:50.080
if you, if you're serving a drink to somebody and, and you say, where are you from?
00:37:56.620
If they say from a different town or a different city, then, you know, they're probably in the city, uh, because someone that they, and that they love or somebody in their family needs long-term care.
00:38:07.640
So she said, it's kind of wild because you have to have conversations constantly with people, um, where there's real feelings involved, where there's real emotions.
00:38:19.960
There's something about that, you know, where life is on the line, you know, where life is on the line and people are out there, um, you know, doing their best to love one another.
00:38:30.620
And I can imagine, man, that's, that's gotta be a special place they have going on up there.
00:38:34.500
And I don't know if a city could, if a, if, if every state could do it, but Minnesota can do that because they got a lot of big hearts up there.
00:38:41.420
You know, a lot of their brain is in their heart and the other stuff in their head, the brain in their head that just wants cheese and it wants to cheer for the Vikings.
00:38:50.940
But that real brain in their heart, man, I think is, uh, is thinking and tanking about love all the time.
00:39:03.620
Um, uh, you know, I'm kind of struggling with some stuff in my life.
00:39:09.240
I've been struggling with like, um, you know, I just, I just want to do, you know, it's hard doing business, man.
00:39:17.320
Doing business, I don't like doing, I like, I like staying busy.
00:39:22.660
But sometimes I don't like doing business because it, it makes me feel sometimes dirty.
00:39:37.820
Um, it makes some business, like, uh, I, I don't know.
00:39:46.700
It just makes me feel, it's uncomfortable sometimes.
00:39:50.760
You know, you want to do, you want to succeed, you want to achieve.
00:40:05.880
We got some, we got Jocko Willink coming on this week, a Navy SEAL.
00:40:10.400
I mean, this man has done it all very inspirational and I'm hoping to catch some more inspiration from him.
00:40:15.140
Uh, we got Jeannie Buss, uh, the daughter of, uh, you know, that she's that Laker lady.
00:40:20.960
And they just got LeBron James over there, uh, the daughter of Jerry Buss.
00:40:25.860
She's a beautiful lady, uh, extremely charming.
00:40:29.100
Um, so I'm excited to spend some time with her.
00:40:31.600
You know, we got some, uh, some feedback that came in last week's episode.
00:40:35.600
We talked about if you had to have lunch with somebody, you could have lunch with one other person.
00:40:41.580
I talked about some family members that I would have lunch with.
00:40:44.820
Um, and, uh, and then you guys made some calls in.
00:40:54.920
It's, uh, Sophie here from Nova Scotia, Canada.
00:41:03.960
And, uh, a Scotch, where I'm from, a Scotch is just a little bit of space.
00:41:09.880
Like, won't you move them breasts on over a Scotch, you know?
00:41:13.860
That was one of my pickup lines in junior high school.
00:41:24.620
Um, dude, I remember now, and I'm thinking about it, when I was in, you know, junior high.
00:41:31.480
And, uh, and that's when a lot of girls first start letting you, you know, be wild with you.
00:41:39.840
When I was in high school, a lot of ladies, they let you start getting a little bit, you know,
00:41:45.160
everybody had their bodies just on front street.
00:41:48.500
Actually, their brains and their, their hormones were on front street and their bodies were right there on back.
00:41:59.300
You'd hear, dude, I'd hear a dog howl three blocks away and I'd have to jerk off.
00:42:04.760
And I, and look, people know, and I joke about that kind of stuff and I've struggled with it.
00:42:08.120
And here I am, you know, 20, you know, 20 years later, still not the same thing.
00:42:13.920
But if I see two dogs fighting, bruh, I get a little chubbed up.
00:42:19.580
But, you know, I'm still battling these dark arts, man.
00:42:25.160
I'm still battling just keeping my hands off my own dang, off my own dang lang.
00:42:48.040
It's, uh, Sophie here from Nova Scotia, Canada.
00:42:53.820
You try to get the ladies to move on over a Scotch.
00:42:56.160
Well, I remember when I was in, uh, you know, when I was young, when I was a child and I was getting to be a tall child.
00:43:04.480
I had that, you know, I had that adult wiener and my body was constantly trying to catch up to my dick.
00:43:10.380
And that's, that's hectic for a kid, you know, just to feel your body just kind of racing.
00:43:15.460
It's almost like your body's chasing your penis.
00:43:17.280
Because you have that adult-sized penis and your body's just, you know, so I was, I would get tall pretty fast.
00:43:25.000
My body would just Carl Lewis overnight and then I would be, you know, seven inches taller the next day.
00:43:30.880
Then I'd fall asleep in a, in a, in a, um, in a long shirt.
00:43:34.180
I'd fall asleep in a, in a large and I'd wake up in a, in a medium.
00:43:40.460
I mean, that's when you, you know, I'd sprout a couple ribs.
00:43:45.500
I'd fall asleep with six ribs and I'd wake up with damn nine or ten.
00:43:50.640
You know, ten because they come in two at a time.
00:43:54.180
And, and that's just how it is when you're young.
00:43:57.960
And especially, uh, anyway, I remember in high school, you know, a lot of girls, you know, guys were so eager and girls were still, you know, a lot of, you know, girls, it's their, they got to protect the body.
00:44:10.280
Because men, our nature is out there, we're, we're that electric current.
00:44:13.600
But, you know, and women, um, they, uh, don't want you hanging out in their socket.
00:44:21.700
But, and, I remember this one gal, and she, uh, you know, but she cared about me.
00:44:32.020
And she would, what she would do, she said, well, how about this?
00:44:35.140
I can't make, you know, I can't let you touch my body, but I'll go in the other room.
00:44:41.320
And she'd go in the other room, in the dining room, and her parents would be asleep.
00:44:46.020
She'd go, I'll let you sit here in the kitchen and listen, and I'll go in the dining room and play with my breasts.
00:44:52.420
And, um, and so, man, I would, bro, you don't think you could hear good, right?
00:45:01.860
Suddenly, I turned from a human into a bat with an erection.
00:45:12.360
I could hear a, I could hear a tree fart in France.
00:45:16.680
I could hear a snail hiccup in fucking Nova Scotia, son.
00:45:21.880
Dude, when you are listening, you know, in ninth grade or whatever, when, you know,
00:45:26.760
when a woman says that she's willing to go in the other room and play with her breasts
00:45:30.940
so that you can pleasure yourself in the next room, and you're allowed to listen to that?
00:45:38.640
Dude, I could hear, I never heard so well in my whole life.
00:45:44.640
I could hear things that my grandmother used to think about, and she'd already been dead for a couple years.
00:45:49.380
I could hear things, dude, I could hear the past.
00:45:53.500
I could hear Ichabod Crane riding through town.
00:46:02.920
And that's one thing I remember about being young.
00:46:05.100
But anyway, that's what our skosh reminds me of that.
00:46:10.320
We're talking about who we'd want to have lunch with.
00:46:13.540
And I can tell you right now, that would be Socrates.
00:46:23.880
Come up with some excuse so I can get to supper.
00:46:25.540
Because supper is a way better chance to talk to people.
00:46:27.800
You get to be there longer and everything tastes better than lunch.
00:46:30.280
But after that, like Socrates, he's just so fascinating.
00:46:34.540
I mean, this dude literally chose to die on the sword of his own friggin', like, principles.
00:46:40.140
He was accused of introducing new gods and corrupting the youth by just making people question through Socratic, you know, method of questioning.
00:46:54.440
But he's just amazingly knowledgeable and wise.
00:47:01.180
And I think wise people are, there's something key about them.
00:47:04.700
And I think that where he didn't write down anything, that was another thing about Socrates.
00:47:19.340
I want to hear word for word what the hell came out of Socrates' mouth.
00:47:22.340
I think he's one of the most influential humans out there.
00:47:32.340
We could trade half of these countries and make them Canadas.
00:47:39.540
You know, I don't know that much about Socrates.
00:47:44.240
I'm going to put Socrates on my learning list, man.
00:47:46.680
You know, right now I'm reading a book called Why We Sleep.
00:47:50.820
But I would love to learn a little bit more about Socrates.
00:48:02.780
I was just thinking about who would I have dinner with.
00:48:07.440
And for everybody, the hotline, if you want to call and be a part of the show somehow,
00:48:14.260
That's how you get involved in this past weekend.
00:48:19.880
And I know it's time of basic answer for Walt Disney, man.
00:48:35.400
You know, a little trap house with a bunch of little soldiers running around.
00:48:39.900
If he was not, he made an empire on number one, that would be the coolest thing to ask
00:48:48.160
He was doing drugs with Dali and making Alice in Wonderland and the grumpy and all those guys.
00:48:56.400
No one can look at me in the eyes and tell me that he wasn't high as hell.
00:49:11.740
I'm surprised Cinderella doesn't have fucking bigger shoulders on her, if that's the case.
00:49:19.360
Comes midnight, mama's about to fucking fist fight a pumpkin, you know?
00:49:23.140
Mama, dude, come midnight, you know what I'm saying?
00:49:26.620
If these glass fighting boots don't fit, I'm going to fucking, I'm going to shoulder press
00:49:40.400
That would be interesting, though, Walt Disney.
00:49:42.280
Walt Disney, to think up all of that and make something come true.
00:49:50.300
You know, it's fascinating to have some of your dreams start to come true, man.
00:49:57.020
You know, even this weekend, dude, honestly, like, you know, I got to have my name.
00:50:02.020
My name was on the, I'm surprised they even had a thing on this theater.
00:50:07.760
But my name was out there on it, on that marquee.
00:50:10.320
And that was pretty cool, my name's never been on that marquee before.
00:50:16.920
You know, just to see it, it's not, and it didn't make me feel like I'm great.
00:50:22.600
It just made me feel, it just made me feel some pride.
00:50:27.860
You know, it made me feel like, you know, you go so long with your name being, like, I mean.
00:50:36.220
In the beginning, your name is in such, your name is in some shady places.
00:50:40.340
I remember writing my name just in a bathroom wall.
00:50:42.860
Like, I remember I'd go to the club a couple weeks in advance or months in advance.
00:50:46.620
And I'd write, hey, I'm going to be performing here on these dates and just graffiti the fucking toilet wall.
00:50:55.560
Dude, I remember doing a show up in North Dakota or South Dakota one time.
00:51:00.300
And I think they keep moving it back and forth, honestly.
00:51:02.760
So I wish these Dakotas would figure out where they want those fucking, those fancy heads at.
00:51:21.100
One of the guys at my opener was a beautiful Native American gentleman.
00:51:28.400
And he ran a weekly night called Custer's Last Stand-Up.
00:51:42.240
One you see, you know, on the Froot Loops or something.
00:51:46.180
You know, and he, he was on a parrot stand in the bar.
00:51:53.900
The only thing it had a sign that said, you can't call them names.
00:51:59.060
You say you can't call something names, and immediately that's what people want to do.
00:52:05.020
Right in the middle of the show, man, one person to go to the bathroom.
00:52:08.960
So that's about 14% of the audience got up, walked by that parrot.
00:52:13.100
And you heard the dude who was walking by called it a bitch.
00:52:25.940
14% of the audience out on the street just because he couldn't, he just couldn't, he couldn't recognize that sign.
00:52:41.860
And it's the same thing you tell us we can't, like even in something as small as, oh, you can't, you can't call the parrot a bitch.
00:52:48.920
And I'll be, damn, if I ain't slipping by to take a whizzer, and I'm going to drop that, hey, bitch, on that parrot.
00:52:55.360
But also, they tell you you can't achieve your goals or your dreams, and you'll try to do that.
00:53:04.740
You know, it's just funny, it's that, it's almost like, how do we start to find a way to stack the deck against ourselves in order to better our chances to achieve?
00:53:14.460
Because some of us work better from behind the eight ball.
00:53:19.220
You know, I work best when my feet are to the fire, son.
00:53:21.820
I work best when I, I work best out of uncomfort.
00:53:28.040
You know, I think it's one of the reasons why I don't like to, you know, I get worried about feeling, you know, I get worried about, I get worried about feeling confident in myself sometimes.
00:53:41.720
Or I get worried about, not confident, I get worried about feeling, it's not confident, I get worried about feeling maybe proud of myself or something.
00:53:59.100
Or feeling, because I'm worried if I just, that it'll kill my drive or something.
00:54:07.720
You know, if I, if I start to, if I start to think that I'm doing well, that I'm afraid that, that I'll lose my, my ambition, my drive, you know.
00:54:24.440
I think there's, I don't know what that is, I'll have to think more about that.
00:54:28.120
Let's take another call that came in, a dinner guest, lunch guest actually.
00:54:35.840
And what's up Evan, thanks for calling brother.
00:54:43.440
I'm telling you, man, build that wall to the north boy.
00:55:04.180
Ooh, I'm intrigued about your, your answer because you're coming from a Canadian perspective.
00:55:09.940
So I'd like to hear this Canadian perspective, Onward.
00:55:15.060
Fuck, I'd have lunch with Christ and be like, bruh, what's up?
00:55:22.000
Is this shit real in this book or is it fucked and was it fucking changed?
00:55:27.100
Well, dude, first of all, brother, you're sounding really American.
00:55:32.420
You're definitely easing down from Canada into Detroit all of a sudden.
00:55:36.380
You've crossed, you've crossed country lines because you're starting to use some real profanity around Christ.
00:55:42.380
Even hypothetically, you don't want to be dropping, you just dropped a couple of F-bombs even considering meeting up with that big C-dog.
00:55:52.420
Let's hear a little bit more of your thoughts on it.
00:56:01.520
You know, out here in Los Angeles in some of this industry and stuff that I'm in, there's, it's not a rejection against Christ, but there's definitely, you know, religion isn't super welcome.
00:56:13.580
People want to be offended or people want, you know, a lot, there's this vibe out here.
00:56:17.620
Sometimes I feel like, oh, you're going to offend, oh, you can't have, you know, there's something weird about fate.
00:56:25.000
You know, or in some areas people are like thoughts and prayers, that kind of, people don't like that.
00:56:32.180
But man, I feel like faith is just such a healing thing for people.
00:56:39.080
I feel hitchhiking when I, you know, if I don't have some kind of a faith.
00:56:44.780
And I, you know, as I even talk about this, I realize that my faith isn't very strong right now and that it can really be tightened up.
00:56:57.740
To feel, I mean, you know, having faith, that's a free parent.
00:57:06.640
I might, man, I'm not thinking I'm out here in this world, this is all for me, this is all on my back.
00:57:11.860
That I have no point, that I'm, that I don't have an umbilical cord to some sort of being.
00:57:17.060
Now, Jesus Christ, man, that was the most popular guy in my area growing up.
00:57:24.340
You know, I think a dude is a great role model.
00:57:31.020
I think a lot, I think, you know, his brother could be.
00:57:34.340
Who's the little chubby guy, that positive baby, that little fruit, that bad boy eating fruits in the diaper.
00:57:49.660
And you got this one big beautiful family of people that when we feel alone, we don't have to.
00:58:04.860
Or when we feel like we're not part of something, that we don't have to.
00:58:07.580
I can't, and look, I know some people out there are atheists and stuff, and they don't want to believe in anything.
00:58:13.200
And that's, you know, and I just, I can't understand it.
00:58:18.300
But I also come from a place where I think I've felt alone a lot.
00:58:21.780
And so, if you're telling me that there is a free person, there is a free being, a free body, a free parent, a free love, a free heart out there in the universe.
00:58:41.300
That's a lottery ticket that I don't have to scratch, man.
00:58:47.740
I'll take that all day because I want to be a part of something bigger.
00:58:54.520
And I want to leave here, and I want to feel something again.
00:59:01.120
I want to feel something again, even if it's just the feeling of your spirit touching the spirit of your parents or of your grandparents or of your sister or of one of your ancestors or somebody else's.
00:59:14.140
Just a feeling of your spirit bumping into somebody else's in another world that's safe and normal and comfortable.
00:59:30.920
Dude, could you imagine if we get to be ghosts?
00:59:40.740
You eat, everything you eat just falls right onto the floor.
00:59:52.820
I think that'd be a nice person to sit down and have lunch with.
01:00:01.200
You know, I don't want to not have any faith, man.
01:00:10.140
And now I'm open to figuring out where that faith lies.
01:00:14.580
You know, one thing that was interesting for me was when I started to travel and go to other countries
01:00:17.740
and see that other people believed in different deities and different gods.
01:00:37.260
Now, I ain't accepting any of these cats believing in the dark arts.
01:00:42.600
They're thinking all the treasures right here on earth.
01:00:55.320
And, but for me, the way that religion has always been most comfortable in my life,
01:01:00.780
in my environment when I grew up was Catholicism or Baptists, you know, Presbyterians.
01:01:09.880
Dude, I thought Presbyterians were honestly lesbians.
01:01:17.800
Dude, and I would hear those bells ring, and I would, you know,
01:01:20.960
I'd be like, dang, they got a lot of ladies heading over there.
01:01:30.520
Because I thought Presbyterians were, you know,
01:01:44.740
Just wanted to call in and answer the question you had about who I would go to lunch with.
01:01:50.460
And I know you said you didn't really want family members,
01:01:54.840
He passed away when I was 15 from complications with diabetes.
01:02:03.320
I bet he loved you to the end of the world, man.
01:02:08.300
Now, here's a reason why I want there, why I need something else out there.
01:02:18.340
I'm glad you, that you and I are thinking about this together right now, Cody,
01:02:21.720
because now, why do I want there to be an afterlife?
01:02:25.400
So that your dad can still be alive out there in some regard loving you.
01:02:42.680
It's not even about, I don't need an afterlife for me now.
01:02:47.380
I don't need there to be another realm where our spirits go or find comfort.
01:02:55.320
Or not, I need to, I want there to be one for you so that Cody and his father will get to have some moments again.
01:03:02.780
That you'll get to, you know, you know, you know, uh, feel your father put his hand on the back of your neck right there.
01:03:11.720
You know, there's something magical about that when your dad puts, uh, his hand on your neck.
01:03:19.840
I think when you see dogs, they bite their children by the neck.
01:03:24.900
That's where those nerves are, where we connect to our family.
01:03:31.120
Now I, this is all answered so much on my thoughts because I don't need it for me.
01:03:47.120
Um, and he was a double amputee in a wheelchair.
01:04:02.600
Um, I took care of him a lot and because of that, I never really got to, never really
01:04:11.080
Losing your father at that age, man, you're just not old enough.
01:04:16.240
You're just not old enough to, you're almost old enough to start to really get to know
01:04:20.640
him, to ask him questions that a man would ask, you know?
01:04:24.620
Um, so I'd really like to sit down and have a meal with him.
01:04:28.260
Um, just kind of, like you were saying, uh, just kind of have him tell me anything, you
01:04:33.460
know, anything from his past, anything that was important to him.
01:04:36.920
Uh, so I could kind of have that in my life, but, um, yeah, it would definitely have to
01:04:42.960
Um, yeah, and, uh, I'm a long time listener, first time caller.
01:04:53.600
I didn't mean to cut you off, but, um, you know, I appreciate it.
01:05:03.820
And what a, what a, what a, what a, what a crazy answer we're thinking of that now I
01:05:09.680
don't need, if somebody is like, Oh, do you believe in heaven?
01:05:12.780
Well, I think there could, I'd love for there to be one because I know there are people out
01:05:20.580
So if it means that I got to suffer through another lifetime, another experience, then I'm
01:05:31.940
You just helped me think of one of the best answers of, um, you know, and that's teamwork,
01:05:36.880
That's what, that's what we get when we are thinking and feeling together, bro.
01:05:41.540
I'm telling you, and maybe I'm crazy right now and I'm amped up, but now, you know what?
01:05:47.420
I've been feeling, I've been feeling stressed out recently.
01:05:50.160
Cause I get nervous sometimes when, you know, putting your voice out there and there's, there's
01:05:55.300
such, there's such this vibe out there in the media that you can't have no religion.
01:06:04.620
You know, fuck anybody who tries to tell you, you need to feel alone.
01:06:17.760
You telling me I can get training wheels on my heart.
01:06:31.700
Now, do I know exactly how I feel in some of that and where I stand and who's the boss
01:06:36.580
and, you know, and Tony Danza, Jesus Christ, Alibaba, you know, and, um, you know, Jerry,
01:06:48.260
No, I don't, I don't, but I'm a, I'm going to, I'm going to be a part of it while I'm here.
01:07:04.720
I'd love for there to be, I'd love for there to be a heaven so that other people can live
01:07:21.360
Uh, let's keep some calls rolling in here, dude.
01:07:30.700
And this is a call we'll, you know, I'd like to know who's listening to the podcast.
01:07:39.040
Oh, you messing around with some kielbasa, huh, Faith?
01:07:44.220
Okay, you out there chirping on that sausage, huh?
01:07:58.820
And, um, every night, I work night shift every night.
01:08:04.720
You know, we have such a, there's a, there's a huge epidemic going on right now in America.
01:08:08.820
Uh, you know, I was just talking to my mom about this today.
01:08:12.020
I want to, you know, my mom, she married, she married an older man.
01:08:19.160
You know, she's married to him now and he has Alzheimer's and he was in, uh, the war.
01:08:24.460
And, uh, Mr. Charlie and some people, you've seen him on my Instagram story.
01:08:29.080
Um, and I'll share it this week on Twitter about my family where you can get to see my
01:08:35.920
And Mr. Charlie's in there and he was in a war and he got his trigger finger pretty bad.
01:08:40.560
And he wears these mittens, you know, he wears these, you know, adult mittens.
01:08:44.700
Um, but my mom has to take care of me as Alzheimer's, you know, and they don't have any money.
01:08:53.440
And they have some, you know, my mother works, but it's not a lot of income.
01:08:59.820
And that also reminds me, dude, there's a man that's been taking advantage of my mom,
01:09:03.380
making her work and not paying her fairly, I don't think.
01:09:07.420
So, we might have called that motherfucker this week.
01:09:12.860
Um, but anyhow, you know, there's a lot of, uh, there's a lot of people out there who
01:09:19.560
haven't to take care of their spouse who's, who are struggling.
01:09:21.860
Uh, a lot of caregivers and it's a beautiful job.
01:09:31.360
She can't go do anything without Mr. Charlie being there.
01:09:34.280
You know, so she got to go ride her paper route and stuff.
01:09:36.600
She got to have Mr. Charlie and he got Alzheimer's.
01:09:40.420
You know, she just got him straddling in and he's just bouncing around.
01:09:43.020
So, he's just straight up having flashbacks and ducking grenades, you know, dodging nades
01:09:48.460
and, you know, eating invisible MREs just in his brain, you know, in the same time, they're
01:09:53.860
just trying to, you know, you know, drop off some news on wheels magazines out here to
01:10:00.440
And a lot of people, but it's because there's not, you know, there's no, there's no way to
01:10:07.680
You know, my mother doesn't make, I guess maybe there's not enough money there to get
01:10:13.980
So, anyway, a lot of people are dealing with family members with dementia.
01:10:18.940
And it's sweet that you care about these people.
01:10:23.180
Man, it sure does help my shifts go by a lot faster.
01:10:27.480
The elderly people I take care of, they have Alzheimer's, dementia.
01:10:32.960
So, they're not like the usual folk you see walking around.
01:11:24.200
I would love it if you could email me in a video of you whenever you go fight sometime.
01:11:31.520
It's just producer, email producer at TheoVon, T-H-E-O-V-O-N.com.
01:11:40.140
To know that you're out there, you know, just taking care of these dementias during the day
01:11:49.400
Now, that's a very bright area of the dark arts there, and I love what you're doing.
01:11:53.480
Thanks for calling in, and thanks for listening to the podcast.
01:11:55.600
Theo, man, I'm calling in to let you know who's listening to the podcast.
01:12:13.000
You know, I used to work over there doing soybeans and corn and cotton right off the levee over there
01:12:24.820
And, man, I've always had fun on some of those tractors.
01:12:31.020
Hey, I work 10 hours a day, sometimes, you know, 60 hours a week.
01:12:42.940
You know, I actually just got to speak to him on the phone today.
01:12:45.140
I called him, and he answered, and so I was so nervous kind of.
01:12:50.240
But he's like, we talked for a couple minutes, and then he's like, got to go, man, shooting
01:12:56.200
And it was just like the most Joe Rogan thing that could ever be happening.
01:12:59.640
But he just put a picture up of him and his golden retriever enjoying a run today, the
01:13:13.500
Hey, man, I've been listening to you ever since.
01:13:15.120
I've listened to almost every one of your podcasts in probably about three weeks.
01:13:26.560
Bro, that's almost as much of my voice as I've heard my whole life just going in my head.
01:13:40.820
But, you know, I deal with a bunch of cock sucking and a bunch of politics, a bunch of
01:13:47.200
You know, in the workforce nowadays, it seems like you've got to have a set of golden knee
01:13:59.100
You keep me laughing, and I appreciate it, man.
01:14:12.420
It's like if we don't define our lane, what is my lane?
01:14:26.400
Dude, you can chase bullshit all your whole life.
01:14:30.480
You know, you can die with $10 million in the bank and own the whole fucking town, but
01:14:40.400
You know, or you don't know, you don't know, you missed your, you know, you missed, you were
01:14:50.140
out of town on a business trip, you know, when your mother took her last breath.
01:14:54.940
You know, and these aren't things, these aren't threats or anything, but it's like you have
01:15:03.040
Because what do you want to spend, as we start to get older, and especially as we just, as
01:15:06.800
we start to be alive, it's like, what do we want to spend our time doing?
01:15:12.360
You know, and I love listening to this guy, Gary Vaynerchuk, this weekend, but some of it's
01:15:17.220
like, man, I want to, I want to be business savvy some, and I want to be proactive, but
01:15:23.000
I want to also, I want to be careful because I don't, you know, I don't want to, I don't
01:15:39.420
The Lord didn't put me, or whoever didn't put me down here, you know, Fatty, what's his
01:15:45.680
Fruit Fatty with the diaper, Buddha, you know, Big Buddha didn't put me down here, you know?
01:15:54.880
Or David, or who are some of these other gods and stuff that they have?
01:15:58.960
Oh, here's one of my favorites, is the Indian, Ganesh, the Indian god.
01:16:04.140
Dude, get a cool Ganesh statue, it's like this elephant, and it pushes all the obstacles
01:16:16.700
Beautiful people, man, you want to meet a beautiful culture, it's India.
01:16:23.980
But look, man, I appreciate you fucking listening, dude.
01:16:26.080
And look, if shit gets haywired, bruh, here's what I say.
01:16:30.780
Snap you up a couple hits LSD or a little eight ball, and take that fucking forklift for
01:16:37.440
You know what I'm saying, them big bad brown nosers out there?
01:16:40.860
I say you forklift up one of those fucking Mercedes Benzes or whatever.
01:16:46.420
And just do some fucking wheelies with that bitch on those forks.
01:16:51.100
Set that, put that thing all the way to the top, boy.
01:16:53.880
Dude, what we used to do is, when I used to work at a, I used to work at a welding shop,
01:17:00.440
I worked outside, and we'd have to, you know, it was piping services.
01:17:03.680
We'd have to put, you know, put rubber on these piping, on pipes, fitters, on pipe fittings
01:17:09.280
so it wouldn't corrode each other when the fitting went on, when the brace went onto the
01:17:13.800
Like, um, and my buddy would get high, dude, and look, I'd be running that forklift, my
01:17:19.700
buddy would get high, and he'd be on the, I'd move him up on the pallet to put something
01:17:23.800
up, and then what I would do is I'd go outside and put the pallet all the way to the top.
01:17:28.140
It'd be about 12 feet, and dude, he'd be up there at 12 feet high as fuck, and he'd be
01:17:34.420
Dude, I was watching him be up there just scared, let me down, let me down, man, I'm
01:17:42.740
telling the boss, what you gonna tell the boss, that you high as fuck, bro, that you
01:17:48.960
fucking smoking them giants on the job, come on, come on, man, thanks for calling, dude,
01:17:57.340
you just made my day, bro, and dude, look, you keep caterpillaring, bro, you keep caterpillaring,
01:18:03.640
man, you build them tractors, dude, you build them things, man, and if I see, when I see
01:18:08.900
a damn caterpillar, I'm gonna think of your ass, daddy, boy, be good, man, all right, let's
01:18:13.740
move on to, uh, we have the best and worst weekends, and, um, and I wanna, uh, you can
01:18:19.780
hit the hotline and let us know if you had the best or worst weekend, uh, don't hit us
01:18:24.100
with a regular weekend, just hit us, if it was the greatest weekend or the worst weekend,
01:18:27.620
let us know why, try to keep it around a minute, uh, that number's 985-664-9503.
01:18:33.640
And we have our winner for July, uh, let's hear that thing right now.
01:18:38.800
Yo, Theo, this is Stink, um, from North Carolina.
01:18:43.580
And that's, I thought it was Stink last time, and then I remember I got an email from him
01:18:48.860
and said, he said, my name's not Stink, and then I realized, yeah, that would be a crazy
01:18:52.720
name to have, but also be dope, boy, you know what I'm saying, that's my fella right
01:18:57.140
here, Stink Johnson, get a fucking nostril hit of your boy, you know.
01:19:02.000
But, uh, he's our winner, uh, let's hear, if you didn't hear what happened to him last
01:19:06.960
Call him in for a, uh, best weekend, or worst weekend, I let you be the judge.
01:19:13.620
All right, you let me be the judge, Omer, Stink.
01:19:15.740
Um, last weekend, went out to the bar on Saturday night, or, no, Friday night, and met this girl.
01:19:29.160
Uh, long story short, got started talking to her, and she was out with some friends, and
01:19:36.460
her friends got very drunk, and she was there by herself, and this girl was nine months pregnant.
01:19:46.380
Come to find out, just found out that baby daddy had been cheating on her.
01:19:50.760
And nine months pregnant, that is a person, that's a full term, brother, that is, so that's
01:20:00.420
It's just one of the people that's still hiding inside of one of the other ones.
01:20:03.620
So that's basically a woman, and then also somebody playing hide-and-go-seek.
01:20:13.240
Hooking up with her, taking her back to my place.
01:20:18.200
Was your place a hospital, because that seemed like the kind of place you would take a nine-month
01:20:27.000
And then, Monday, the day after she left, I get a text from her, and she had just popped
01:20:36.080
So I went to visit her at the hospital, and said, congratulations, you know.
01:20:45.680
But that's our, that look, that, I don't know if that's the best or worst weekend, but
01:20:50.460
I'll tell you this, that man manned up and went to the hospital to see that lady, and
01:20:56.280
We're going to, we'll be in touch, and we'll send you a prize package, dude.
01:20:59.900
We got some of these Correctional Center blue t-shirts for this past weekend, and we'll
01:21:05.020
Thanks so much for being a part of things, brother.
01:21:09.920
We got another, someone that called in with the best or worst weekend.
01:21:13.480
Hey, Theo, this is Stephanie down in Daytona Beach, Florida.
01:21:17.480
I just wanted to call and say thank you for encouraging people to swim around in their
01:21:28.360
And I know you don't get a lot of female callers, because, well, I listen to your show.
01:21:31.560
But anyway, I wanted to tell you about this wonderful weekend I had this past weekend.
01:21:36.480
And my boyfriend of six months took me out for a birthday extravaganza.
01:21:46.800
And we did a lot of trying out some delicious food.
01:21:55.740
We're out front of this bar smoking a cigarette.
01:21:57.720
And this homeless guy comes up to us and asks us for a cigarette and a few dollars, because
01:22:08.000
And my boyfriend's like, hey, man, we'll buy you a couple beers if you want to hang out
01:22:14.320
If this ends in a threesome, this is going to be, this might be back-to-back the craziest
01:22:20.660
We ended up doing that, shared some cigarettes and beers with this guy.
01:22:23.780
And then we ended up taking this guy to a place called Hamburger Mary's.
01:22:29.120
It's a homoerotic hamburger spot where you can get meat and men.
01:22:34.960
So we took this big dude, me and my boyfriend, down there.
01:22:41.460
He goes and gets like $20 in ones for all three of us to hand out to the drag queens while
01:22:47.380
And drag queens are dancing on us, and we're dancing on them and just having a real magical
01:22:53.460
And I just appreciated my boyfriend for taking me out and showing me and this homeless
01:23:03.160
One time I had, thank you for calling with that.
01:23:08.120
And that's your boyfriend treating you well, and I like hearing about that.
01:23:11.080
It's nice to treat somebody that you love well.
01:23:13.740
And it probably made him feel really good to do that.
01:23:17.720
You know, there was a, I got invited to Loyola Marymount to be a judge on their Loyola Idol.
01:23:29.120
And it was like their American Idol contest at school.
01:23:32.740
And at the last minute, they called me and said, Theo, can you bring two extra judges?
01:23:41.620
And then suddenly an idea just popped into my head.
01:23:48.220
I stopped by the park off of Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles in Lincoln.
01:23:54.200
And I picked up a couple of vagrants, you know?
01:23:59.100
One dude was mid-piss when I fucking walked up to him, dude.
01:24:03.880
You know, there was a couple of rich people playing tennis right there on some fancy court.
01:24:07.680
And this dude's straight-up fucking watering plants right next to him like a straight-up fucking G, bro.
01:24:14.100
So anyway, I took two homeless gentlemen, you know, without homes, sans casas, and took those dudes to Loyola Marymount.
01:24:25.220
And, you know, there's like 12 students that are going to perform.
01:24:29.600
And suddenly there's me and two gentlemen without homes, homeless gentlemen.
01:24:43.100
I got paid, you know, I think I got paid 300 bucks.
01:25:03.200
Man, you got me thinking about the church van, man.
01:25:10.860
I had a, I was in a church van that was part of the church van.
01:25:27.500
You know, a lot of them goth kids, they look like they've been eating charcoal and shit with their eyes.
01:25:35.660
Like they've been fucking, you know, dipping, doing dip.
01:25:38.680
But they've been dipping briquettes up in their eye sockets.
01:25:44.660
It got me thinking of that, that time when I was younger.
01:25:47.780
You know, sitting there with my neighbor and like my younger brother.
01:26:01.840
If you don't have a couple goth kids in the seat behind you, J.O. and son, are you living life?
01:26:13.360
This is Grace calling from Minneapolis, Minnesota.
01:26:21.180
And I was just wondering, I actually work at a church.
01:26:24.620
And so if you want to come this Sunday, let me know.
01:26:30.580
But thank you very much for the invite, Onward.
01:26:32.800
I know that you love your nieces and nephews and that you're close to your family.
01:26:36.440
So I'm just curious about how that is as a professional comedian.
01:26:40.160
And I know you believe in a higher power, but I know you said that you just kind of believe Jesus is a good guy.
01:26:47.240
And maybe your brother's not a pastor at a Christian church.
01:26:55.040
And it's so funny that this call, and I was just talking about some of this stuff because I haven't heard any of the calls that came in until now.
01:27:07.540
Yeah, no, my nieces and nephews and my family members go to church, and they love it.
01:27:13.380
And one of the things that I see when I go down there with them and spend time is that it's just a fun thing.
01:27:25.680
You know, a lot of times some religion gets bad names.
01:27:28.560
You know, these far-right, you know, people that are, you know, to the point of judgment.
01:27:36.240
That's where it gets scary is when there's too much judgment.
01:27:38.840
But, hell, we're all judgmental, and it's all a battle, you know.
01:27:50.380
I remember doing fun stuff when I was a kid when I would go to the church and eating big donuts in there and, you know, having old people kind of touch you on the cheek and say things to you.
01:28:01.580
I mean, they kind of scared you a little bit, but you had fun, and you run around with your friends and wearing, you know, church clothes and being snazzy.
01:28:11.240
And sometimes you sneak on a little bit of Old Spice from your daddy or something and put a little bit of Old Spice on your neck, you know, or do something fun or just, I don't know.
01:28:20.680
I remember being as a young child, it was a nice chance to see people on the weekend.
01:28:25.460
Sometimes you don't get to see people on the weekend, and then suddenly you get to see your friends and good food and people being together.
01:28:34.260
Man, I don't see anything wrong with that at all.
01:28:39.180
But thank you so much for that invite, and I'm sorry that I didn't get to this email earlier.
01:28:45.500
I flew back to Los Angeles, so I didn't get a chance to check it out.
01:28:52.680
I've got to get out of here, I've got to go to an AA meeting just a little bit, but let's take another call right here.
01:29:02.600
Not so crazy, but for me, it's out of the ordinary.
01:29:06.760
So this might be in our this past Best or Worst Weekend contest.
01:29:13.500
Had a loss of life in my family about two years ago.
01:29:18.240
A lawyer called me, actually wanted to come to the house and talk to me.
01:29:22.580
Came on over and dropped that knowledge and 98 grand coming my way.
01:29:42.200
Dude, that's that, you know, that's like a damn leprechaun just, you know, fell asleep in your house and all the bullion in his pockets just rolled out onto your floorboards.
01:29:56.460
I got about 60 days to think about what I'm doing with myself.
01:30:00.920
And I know that, you know, it's not often you get this kind of opportunity in life.
01:30:13.860
You know, I'm loving life, man, but, man, I just don't know, like, what do you do with that kind of paper?
01:30:20.480
What, what, how do you turn that into something?
01:30:23.300
I don't want to, I don't want to work until I'm old and crusty and rusty.
01:30:33.500
Let us know what you would just do if you was a regular fella.
01:30:36.260
I don't know where you're sitting now, but what if you're sitting on 98 grand and didn't know what to do with your life?
01:30:45.540
What would I do with myself if I had, well, if somebody just said you had that money, I would buy a piece of real estate.
01:30:53.360
I would buy a, you know, some type of a maybe rental property.
01:30:59.360
People always talk about rental property, flip this, you make so much money.
01:31:04.360
You can also have a lot of responsibility to do.
01:31:09.800
You know, you're not just a rental property owner.
01:31:11.280
You are also a landlord, and that is another job.
01:31:17.780
Now, if I had four children, I'm sure the filter that I'd be thinking through would be divided by four.
01:31:24.740
You know, I would probably, if I had four children, I bet I'd set aside a little, maybe five grand for each kid that they don't know about and that they're not allowed to tell the other kids about once they get it.
01:31:38.760
Maybe once they all hit 18, they would all get the money at once.
01:31:42.380
Because if you give it to one of them, then the other ones are going to be expecting it, and they're going to be making decisions based on the fact that they're going to be getting that money at some point in their life.
01:31:56.220
This might go right back to the Gary Vaynerchuk.
01:32:03.040
Maybe I would check out some of his videos because he seems to have a better semblance of what it's like.
01:32:08.680
That Gary Vaynerchuk to get in there and see what he would do.
01:32:14.260
Yeah, if you came into 100 grand, what would you do with it?
01:32:32.540
But outside of that, I don't know what I would do with it.
01:32:35.740
But if you seem like you're doing comfortable, you have some chickens and goats.
01:32:40.160
I don't think I wouldn't want to do something that would affect my lifestyle immediately that I wouldn't be able to adapt into comfortably.
01:32:52.040
Because then if it didn't stay that way, I might be upset, you know, and I might, you know, you don't want to get too comfortable, you know?
01:33:04.060
One of my friends told me a long time ago, they said, yes, if you come into somebody, you don't want to buy the nice car.
01:33:15.480
If you came in at 98 grand right now, what would you do?
01:33:26.680
I know them chickens and goats are going to live a little bit longer.
01:33:28.960
They're going to live high on the hog a little bit because they ain't going to be dinner soon.
01:33:44.400
I want to thank everybody that came out last weekend.
01:33:54.880
I'm going to get, and I'm going to go settle down.
01:33:58.780
And I'm just grateful that, I'm grateful we got to do this for another weekend.
01:34:08.040
I'm grateful we got to do this for another week.
01:34:10.680
I'm grateful that there's people out there that are enjoying what we're doing here.
01:34:16.780
You know, we're creating like a curiosity, I think.
01:34:21.880
It's exciting for me to show up here each week and see what you guys are up to.
01:34:30.320
And I will see you guys in, I'll see you guys, I'll see you guys here next week.
01:34:43.800
I'm going to try to be good to myself tonight and get some rest.
01:35:22.720
She had a chill on her shoulder since the day she left her home.
01:36:44.380
A podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events.
01:37:14.760
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
01:37:20.300
I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
01:37:39.900
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