This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Jamie Kennedy ｜ This Past Weekend #98

00:00:00.260 Okay, today's episode we'll get to in just a second. We have a beautiful guest in, and this man has been through it all.

00:00:06.020 You know, he's had the highs and lows of a career.

00:00:09.620 And not the lows, but when you have highs, you have the alternate side of those.

00:00:14.140 You know, he's had the peaks and valleys, we'll say that.

00:00:16.760 And he's a special guy, and I'm happy to be in here talking about him and talking with him.

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00:01:23.880 You can do it all, man.

00:01:25.000 Change somebody's day.

00:01:26.940 Get edgy.

00:01:27.460 You ever seen somebody try to get glitter out of their scalp?

00:01:30.580 That's a month-long adventure, baby.

00:01:33.120 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:01:33.960 That's just gay lice living up in your dome, baby. 1.00

00:01:36.900 Come on, man. 0.99

00:01:37.760 You can start that for somebody.

00:01:38.980 PranksAnonymous.com.

00:01:39.960 I'm just sitting on your front porch, wondering how could I be...

00:01:46.420 Bro, you're right under Marin, dude.

00:01:50.100 I'm looking at the charts. 1.00

00:01:51.820 Holy shit. 0.99

00:01:54.760 Congrats, Holmes. 0.99

00:01:55.980 I know you're recording right now.

00:01:57.280 Sorry.

00:02:00.320 405, bro.

00:02:01.340 I'm like boss Lawson.

00:02:04.000 Close. 0.99

00:02:04.640 This is, I don't know, fucking helicopter on the freeway or some shit. 1.00

00:02:09.960 Bro, it's a fucking parking lot, dude. 0.99

00:02:12.220 I left before Google told me, so bear with me, man. 0.99

00:02:22.540 But, dude, I think people would listen to you, Jamie.

00:02:24.540 I really do.

00:02:25.080 I would listen to you.

00:02:26.120 Because you're just kind of this fascinating creature, I think.

00:02:29.160 Thank you, baby.

00:02:30.020 Are we on now?

00:02:30.700 You know?

00:02:31.160 Yeah, you're like a Loch Ness Monster, but you're not hidden.

00:02:35.160 It's like you're...

00:02:36.140 Humps are out.

00:02:36.880 Yeah, yeah.

00:02:37.760 Humps are out.

00:02:38.680 Jamie Kennedy is here with me today, and I'm super excited, man.

00:02:45.360 Yeah.

00:02:46.280 Dude, you've been working so hard.

00:02:47.480 I mean, I see you in the comedy clubs all the time.

00:02:50.060 I know.

00:02:50.880 I've been doing it pretty...

00:02:52.440 It's...

00:02:53.940 Let me ask you this.

00:02:55.340 Because it's like...

00:02:56.720 I've been...

00:02:57.360 I was like on the road forever, right?

00:03:00.500 Mm-hmm.

00:03:00.740 And then I did a thing with Melissa McQueen.

00:03:06.420 Mm-hmm.

00:03:06.780 And she's like, you got to come to the store and do a show.

00:03:10.240 And then I did.

00:03:13.160 And then I was like, you know, talking to people.

00:03:16.680 I'm like, if you're on the road all the time, you're doing five or six shows, why do you do, you know, in town? 0.85

00:03:23.320 Because you're dead.

00:03:25.020 And Bobby Lee, man, really hit me to it.

00:03:27.380 He's like, dude, you got to perform in town, in front of your peers, with your peers.

00:03:33.940 Because being on the road is completely different.

00:03:37.440 And then ever since he said that about two years ago, I've just been like...

00:03:40.320 But also, I feel comedy has gotten super hot in, would you say, the last three years?

00:03:46.440 Yeah.

00:03:47.040 In town?

00:03:47.640 Because I've been doing comedy for a long time, but...

00:03:49.940 Oh, and you tell me.

00:03:50.860 I mean, you might even know better.

00:03:51.920 Yeah, to me it has, but my breadth of perspective isn't as large as yours.

00:03:56.260 Well, stop using big phrases.

00:03:58.000 Dude, those are the only ones.

00:03:59.380 Big ones.

00:03:59.940 The only ones used.

00:04:01.600 Well, I feel like, you know, in the last two years, I've been hitting the town hard.

00:04:08.700 Because, you know, Netflix has been doing the specials, and now Hulu's opening up in

00:04:14.040 Amazon, and everybody, I mean, you know, it used to be like a special, you would drive

00:04:18.700 down Sunset Boulevard, and you would see, you know, one person, and it'd be like, you 0.87

00:04:22.480 know, bigger and black, and you're like, damn, that's like... 0.94

00:04:24.940 And now, it's like, yo, you see one building, you see a bench, you see... 0.98

00:04:28.860 I mean, there's specials.

00:04:29.740 There's a lot of specials.

00:04:31.240 There's so many specials.

00:04:32.120 So, it's like, I was like, I want to, you know, work on that, and try to work towards doing

00:04:36.900 a new special.

00:04:38.040 Yeah.

00:04:38.240 And that's why I've been doing it, but I have never, in my history, I started in the

00:04:43.960 late, late, early 90s, almost late, but 1990 was when I did my first set.

00:04:49.220 I've never seen town this hot.

00:04:54.320 Really?

00:04:55.060 Yeah, I mean, dude, you go to the OR, you'll see 16 comedy superstars.

00:05:02.720 Yeah.

00:05:03.920 Yeah.

00:05:04.280 You being one of them.

00:05:05.260 Yeah.

00:05:05.560 And just like, bam, bam, bam, and it's like, people are so spoiled.

00:05:11.040 And you go on the road, and you sell 400 tickets, and you're like, I'm the man.

00:05:15.640 And then you're like, doing 15 minutes, and you're like, ooh, that was a tough set.

00:05:19.760 And you realize, because you're, everyone, you're playing for the Yankees.

00:05:23.100 Yeah.

00:05:23.320 And so, I was, I'm glad to be in town doing it, because it makes me better.

00:05:30.760 But it's like, it is intense.

00:05:32.260 It's fine.

00:05:32.820 Yeah, it definitely seems hot.

00:05:33.880 Are we good on the levels, Nick?

00:05:35.240 Okay.

00:05:35.680 But everybody is in it.

00:05:37.400 And now, I'm not, because you were saying that before, like, man, you're hitting it hard.

00:05:41.400 And now, I don't want to stop, because I don't feel like I don't want to miss a step.

00:05:44.800 Yeah.

00:05:45.160 You know what I mean?

00:05:45.960 Yeah.

00:05:46.520 Well, that's what it seemed like.

00:05:47.540 It just seemed like you've been picking it up.

00:05:48.800 It's like, you know, I mean, half the shows I'm on, I feel like you're on most of the time.

00:05:53.820 And has comedy always been with you in your career?

00:05:55.980 Because, I mean, when I first got hip to you, you know, you were mostly acting.

00:05:59.680 Mm-hmm.

00:06:00.320 And has comedy, but you were a comedian before that.

00:06:04.260 Yeah.

00:06:04.760 So, most people don't know that I started as a comic.

00:06:07.520 So, my heroes were, you know, I had a few heroes.

00:06:11.380 Eddie Murphy, number one.

00:06:13.280 Mike Myers, number two.

00:06:14.900 Oh, wow.

00:06:16.320 And, you know, I was kind of really into SNL.

00:06:21.720 You know, that was my goal.

00:06:23.340 So, I moved to L.A.

00:06:24.340 It was an extra, it's a long story.

00:06:26.560 But then I started auditioning for improv groups in 1990.

00:06:31.020 And I got in a couple of improv groups.

00:06:33.620 And I would go to improv groups and do, like, they would have these groups at the schools.

00:06:37.980 And we'd do these shows.

00:06:38.640 And we'd get, like, 20 bucks a show.

00:06:39.900 Which is, like, you know, good.

00:06:41.580 You're making a living, right?

00:06:43.140 Then a lot of them shut down.

00:06:46.080 And there was.

00:06:47.240 Wow, what was it?

00:06:48.040 Like, there wasn't, like, crimes or anything going on, huh?

00:06:50.520 No, it was just, like, you know, how long, how profitable is an improv group?

00:06:54.120 If the school board isn't paying you to do a show about, you know, better nutrition, but make it funny.

00:06:59.800 Or, you know, fire drills or whatever, right?

00:07:03.160 Yeah.

00:07:04.060 Nuclear warnings.

00:07:05.140 Hurricane warnings, dude.

00:07:06.460 Everything.

00:07:07.060 Yeah.

00:07:07.640 So, I, exactly.

00:07:10.080 Well, now you couldn't even do that.

00:07:11.100 If you went to schools now, they wouldn't let five comedians into a school.

00:07:14.800 No.

00:07:16.080 No way.

00:07:17.080 In the afternoon, like, one o'clock.

00:07:19.200 When the kids are tired.

00:07:20.100 And you put a hat on, and it's, like, you don't know what character that hat's going to be.

00:07:23.780 And it's, like, I need a location.

00:07:25.860 The Playboy Mansion.

00:07:27.340 You know, or whatever. 0.98

00:07:29.060 And everybody's a pedophile. 0.99

00:07:30.780 You're, like, man, it'd be crazy. 0.99

00:07:32.740 It's like that. 0.97

00:07:33.760 Dude, well, there's just so many pedophiles out there now, man.

00:07:35.880 I got, I quit, I got rid of the app, the Stranger Danger app or whatever.

00:07:40.380 What is that?

00:07:40.960 Where you can see how many pedophiles are in your, like, area.

00:07:43.900 Is that a real thing?

00:07:44.620 Yeah, it's, like, Stranger Danger, it's called.

00:07:46.300 And you can see how many pedophiles in your area. 1.00

00:07:48.060 Dude, there's so many, it's, I won't even jerk off, because I'm afraid somebody's going to molest my semen. 1.00

00:07:53.000 Like, there's so many pedophiles. 1.00

00:07:56.060 It's baffling, bro. 1.00

00:07:57.520 Wait, where's the semen go? 0.99

00:08:00.120 Oh, so you're saying your semen turns into a human? 0.98

00:08:02.960 No, what I'm saying is, there are so many. 0.67

00:08:05.000 If you were to get on this app now and see it.

00:08:07.020 I don't even know if we can pull it, if we can pull up the site or something.

00:08:09.160 But there's Stranger Danger.

00:08:10.720 It's where you can see how many pedophiles registered, you know, people in the union, I guess, is unionized.

00:08:17.000 But registered sex offenders are, who are within your area.

00:08:22.400 But, dude, it's everybody.

00:08:24.300 Like, I think everybody. 0.97

00:08:25.920 So then what I was saying, I won't even masturbate, because I'm afraid somebody will come over and just touch that, you know. 0.96

00:08:30.620 Yeah, oh, I got it. 0.98

00:08:31.340 Just because it's so young.

00:08:32.660 That was.

00:08:33.760 So that's where I was going.

00:08:35.620 That was okay.

00:08:37.140 But.

00:08:38.860 See how smart he is?

00:08:40.120 Thanks for laughing, man.

00:08:41.400 It makes me happy.

00:08:42.220 I have a question.

00:08:43.060 Yeah.

00:08:43.760 So, did you ever notice.

00:08:48.180 I'll go back to what we were talking about.

00:08:49.560 But the teachers.

00:08:50.900 Oh, look at this.

00:08:51.940 Oh, God.

00:08:52.960 Is that real?

00:08:54.100 Oh, yeah.

00:08:54.580 Is that real?

00:08:55.580 Yeah.

00:08:56.000 Are you kidding?

00:08:57.040 That's just off of Culver Boulevard.

00:08:59.120 Yeah, it is, brother. 0.99

00:09:00.280 Damn, all the red dots are touchers? 0.99

00:09:02.380 Yeah, that's a Shake Shack, baby. 1.00

00:09:04.300 Everywhere is a Shake Shack.

00:09:05.580 Oh, my God.

00:09:07.780 I'll say Shake Shack, Shake Shack, because I really do like that hamburger.

00:09:10.200 I like the hamburgers.

00:09:12.220 Have you ever seen so many hot teachers touching?

00:09:15.600 I know.

00:09:16.240 Is it a story every couple days?

00:09:18.320 Am I right?

00:09:18.980 Well, yeah.

00:09:19.300 What is that?

00:09:19.980 What is it, you think?

00:09:20.780 Because something is.

00:09:21.520 Do you think something is going on, or do you think that it's just now it's a popular story?

00:09:26.620 Always been.

00:09:27.700 And I think the internet has made everything transparent.

00:09:29.720 And I think it's always been happening, but now everything, you can see everything.

00:09:33.920 Was there a teacher that ever tried anything with you or did something?

00:09:36.520 Because you were tall.

00:09:37.220 You're a tall guy.

00:09:38.000 So you probably had that.

00:09:39.540 You had an opportunity.

00:09:40.560 So that height helps, right?

00:09:41.880 Oh, nobody's. 0.99

00:09:42.600 A teacher's not touching a fucking short kid. 1.00

00:09:44.520 Adam's apple. 1.00

00:09:45.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:09:45.740 Yeah, you're short kids.

00:09:47.440 So I don't want to name names.

00:09:49.800 Okay.

00:09:50.200 But first of all, you know, I used to do this joke, which is true, which I was on Ultra Boy.

00:09:54.260 And I was never even touched, which made me feel like I wasn't cute.

00:09:58.740 So, you know, I had to join the Boy Scouts.

00:10:01.220 But here's the thing, is that we did have a teacher who was a nice guy, and he would take me and my buddies out to Burger King like once a week.

00:10:13.900 You know, we'd get, remember those like.

00:10:15.180 Was he handicapped?

00:10:16.200 No, he was normal.

00:10:17.440 Oh, because I know a handicapped guy that would do that.

00:10:19.200 He would do that in the Philly area.

00:10:20.740 But that's a good observation.

00:10:22.820 So he would take us out, three of us, and we would just, you know, eat those Whoppers, and we'd get fries.

00:10:29.460 And he would really let us order.

00:10:31.500 Yeah.

00:10:31.940 And then I didn't think anything was weird until, because we're from Philly.

00:10:37.700 So Philly, we kind of like turn the tables on the touchers.

00:10:40.680 We like touch the touchers.

00:10:41.760 Yeah, yeah.

00:10:42.180 And so he, we used to eat jawbreakers.

00:10:45.680 That was a big thing in eighth grade, seventh grade.

00:10:48.540 Beautiful candies, too.

00:10:49.620 Yeah, and they were big.

00:10:50.860 Hard to deal with, but good.

00:10:51.820 Yeah, and they were big, and they would, these things would puff up your cheeks.

00:10:55.600 Ooh.

00:10:56.140 So when we would eat them in school, we would get in trouble.

00:11:00.040 So in order not to get in trouble, we would make him eat it.

00:11:05.060 And the game was, how many jawbreakers could you fit in your mouth?

00:11:08.980 And so we had him put about three and three in each cheek.

00:11:13.080 I mean.

00:11:13.680 This old guy?

00:11:14.800 He was middle-aged, nice guy, who took us to Burger King.

00:11:18.360 And he's like, I can fit seven.

00:11:20.660 And he had that accent, and I wasn't knowing what he was.

00:11:22.860 He goes, I can fit eight.

00:11:24.120 And so.

00:11:24.860 What accent is that?

00:11:25.740 Asian?

00:11:26.300 You know what I'm saying?

00:11:27.180 I can fit seven.

00:11:28.560 But you know that area of the world, whatever that is.

00:11:30.760 The soft accent.

00:11:30.960 Yeah, you know what I mean?

00:11:32.520 Soft Texas, whatever he is. 0.57

00:11:34.000 Cotton throat.

00:11:34.580 Cotton throat.

00:11:35.620 And we jammed him in there to the point where we're putting him in at the Burger King, jawbreakers

00:11:42.000 in his mouth.

00:11:42.880 He's like, I can fit more.

00:11:44.220 And this stuff was like, you know, Charlie Chipmunk.

00:11:47.680 And it wasn't until I was probably like, you know, 23, and I'm sitting on my couch, you 0.79

00:11:53.300 know, like, you know, just after a Taco Bell audition, I'm like, damn, maybe that guy had

00:11:58.980 ill intentions, but nothing happened ever weird. 0.96

00:12:02.480 But the more, I'll just say, the more we jammed in his mouth, the happier he was.

00:12:07.060 That's beautiful.

00:12:08.460 So whatever that was, that was my.

00:12:10.820 It's almost like a.

00:12:11.980 Yeah.

00:12:12.580 I grew up with people like that.

00:12:14.040 Oh, that's like a fourth world country, man.

00:12:15.520 The more you put in their mouths, the happier they are.

00:12:17.420 Yeah.

00:12:18.200 And I'll say this, man.

00:12:19.420 That reminded me of a story of this boy.

00:12:21.540 I used to know this boy named Michael.

00:12:23.860 I don't know if I can say his name or not, but.

00:12:25.900 Oh, don't put him on blast.

00:12:27.880 Oh, I don't think he'll.

00:12:28.740 I don't even think he could hear.

00:12:30.100 Okay.

00:12:30.620 But this boy named Michael Rutsch was his last name, right?

00:12:34.300 Mm-hmm.

00:12:34.880 And.

00:12:35.820 Rutsch.

00:12:36.240 Yeah, Rutsch.

00:12:37.180 Not a very.

00:12:38.460 Love his accent.

00:12:39.320 Well, here's the thing.

00:12:40.340 So what happened with Michael Rutsch was he had, he was, you know, kind of, he had extra

00:12:44.840 salivary glands, you know, and he was always just leaking out of the sides of his mouth,

00:12:48.700 you know. 0.99

00:12:49.340 He was real damp up, just up in that fucking face hole, you know. 1.00

00:12:52.960 He was just sweating out of his lips all the time, bro. 0.99

00:12:55.820 So, you know, like it would be easy to get DNA off of him, you know what I'm saying?

00:12:59.600 Yeah.

00:12:59.920 Yeah, you just swab it.

00:13:01.180 You can take some on your finger, put it, okay.

00:13:02.960 Yeah, you can save it.

00:13:04.020 He just had, he gave it all.

00:13:05.480 So he was a drooler.

00:13:06.740 Yeah, he was a drooler.

00:13:07.660 Gotcha.

00:13:07.960 Well, they had this man, his mother used to date one of her students who was a substitute

00:13:14.720 teacher, and she dated this boy that was in her class who was 16 years old, and his 0.94

00:13:19.740 name was Clint, like clit, but with an N in it.

00:13:23.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.62

00:13:23.700 And so she dated him.

00:13:25.180 So he would come over to the house, and they would hook up inside, the substitute teacher,

00:13:29.160 she was probably 30, and this boy, Clint.

00:13:31.160 And meanwhile, me and her son, Michael Rutsch, would sit outside in Clint's car, and Clint

00:13:36.780 had a ham radio, one of those CB radios you'd get on there, you know, breaker, breaker, you

00:13:40.620 know?

00:13:41.520 Jaw breaker, jaw breaker.

00:13:43.300 How many can you fit?

00:13:45.380 Jaw breaker, jaw breaker, how many can you fit?

00:13:48.840 So we'd sit out there.

00:13:49.920 One time, we'd get talking to some man on the interstate.

00:13:52.440 He drives off the interstate.

00:13:54.100 No, this is before Catch a Predator.

00:13:56.060 Yeah, this is way before.

00:13:57.180 This is before MSNBC.

00:13:58.120 When they weren't catching anybody.

00:13:59.240 No, this is like a live, yeah, it's a live version.

00:14:01.840 I got you.

00:14:02.260 Yeah, it's a live version.

00:14:03.460 I got you.

00:14:05.520 This man shows up, and then he's got me and Rutsch sitting in his truck, right?

00:14:10.480 And he is having us put Tootsie Rolls in each other's mouths.

00:14:15.100 You guys are doing that to each other.

00:14:16.780 Yeah, he's like, you guys should see who, you know, who could have the most Tootsie Rolls

00:14:19.420 in their mouths. 0.51

00:14:19.860 So it's like, similar, so this jaw breaking thing was probably happening at the same time.

00:14:23.660 So, okay, so this is jamming stuff in the mouths.

00:14:26.200 So this is happening, yeah.

00:14:27.020 Where's that on the map?

00:14:27.720 Yeah, so where's the stuff of mouth at?

00:14:29.960 So wait, so how much did you keep, because those things can get stuffed.

00:14:33.340 Oh, this boy could get Michael Rutt.

00:14:35.040 I mean, that's the thing.

00:14:35.940 He had those slick doors on his face, you know what I'm saying?

00:14:38.200 So he was hiding 14, 16, 17 in there.

00:14:41.420 But.

00:14:42.000 Wait, the long or the minis?

00:14:43.280 Oh, the minis.

00:14:44.440 The minis, I got you. 1.00

00:14:45.100 God damn, bro. 1.00

00:14:47.140 16 minis, but what, how old is he? 1.00

00:14:48.940 What a pervert, dude, the long ones.

00:14:51.200 I'm saying, because, well, there was a better bargain. 0.96

00:14:55.080 You got like four of those for like half the price of that long one.

00:14:58.100 I'm just saying.

00:14:59.200 Got weird.

00:15:00.340 That got weird.

00:15:01.020 I mean.

00:15:01.440 Get that out.

00:15:02.280 So we, so yeah, no, the minis.

00:15:05.340 And, but thank God he, he, he could hold so many because at one point that got Clint 0.99

00:15:10.060 came out of the house, saw this dude and beat that man's ass. 0.99

00:15:13.920 Wow. 1.00

00:15:14.560 I saw it ended good.

00:15:15.960 Yeah.

00:15:16.400 No diddling there.

00:15:17.420 No diddling there.

00:15:17.800 No, nothing wild.

00:15:18.820 But yeah, it was popular in my neighborhood.

00:15:20.100 If you got molested or we had a, you know, a school teacher that took us to Marilyn Manson

00:15:24.500 and dropped us off in there.

00:15:25.460 We're at 16, you know, and he was, you know, he went to jail for pedophilum and it was more

00:15:30.160 popular, but what's going on now?

00:15:32.400 Because now it's women with boys. 1.00

00:15:37.320 What's going on?

00:15:39.280 Ah, well, they're living the dream.

00:15:41.820 These, these young students.

00:15:43.220 Yeah.

00:15:43.620 Oh, definitely.

00:15:44.800 I mean, tell me if some teacher hit on you when you're 16, are you reporting?

00:15:49.100 And then if your mom catches and says, this is terrible. 0.75

00:15:52.360 You go, mom, don't cock block. 1.00

00:15:54.080 Are you saying that?

00:15:54.900 Yes or no?

00:15:55.720 Am I wrong?

00:15:56.860 Stop me when I lie.

00:15:57.700 Oh, I bet there's so many students.

00:15:59.280 Some students are like, mom.

00:16:01.260 Dude, these girls stay with me, bro. 1.00

00:16:03.880 They're not just sleeping with them.

00:16:05.740 Yeah. 1.00

00:16:06.120 They're taking them down in the Priuses behind the damn basketball court. 0.99

00:16:14.060 But dude, they're not only doing that. 0.99

00:16:16.180 They're running trains.

00:16:17.660 Yeah.

00:16:17.900 They're bringing intramural sport athletes doing two, three at a time.

00:16:22.060 All aboard.

00:16:22.580 They're running drills, dude.

00:16:23.500 Dude, straight up tip drills, London bridges, and they're getting report.

00:16:29.120 And then they're documented.

00:16:30.340 The teachers are documenting it.

00:16:32.860 Drawing.

00:16:33.300 One lady had a sketch artist come and draw pictures of them. 1.00

00:16:35.720 Fucking how crazy is that? 0.99

00:16:36.760 Is that real? 0.99

00:16:37.380 Yeah.

00:16:37.660 It's like.

00:16:38.540 And then the husbands will find out. 0.99

00:16:40.860 And the one dude, I'll never forget.

00:16:42.140 This girl had four.

00:16:43.560 She had four.

00:16:44.680 And it was like two at a time, two at a time with toys, three at a time, four.

00:16:50.280 Man.

00:16:50.480 You know, Del Taco break, you know, and they're in high school.

00:16:54.200 So, you know, they can go a couple rounds.

00:16:56.160 Oh.

00:16:56.660 And so she went.

00:16:57.800 And the husband said.

00:16:58.960 That's for easy serve in high school.

00:17:01.300 Yeah.

00:17:01.760 The husband said, I know that she's sick and we're going to work through it.

00:17:04.800 Wow. 0.95

00:17:05.420 Which is, I just think a cuck.

00:17:07.080 Yeah.

00:17:07.280 Oh, you think he was watching it?

00:17:09.000 No, I just think he was.

00:17:10.200 He liked it. 0.99

00:17:10.760 He was a cuck. 0.98

00:17:11.640 Yeah. 0.98

00:17:12.000 I call it, you know, right now it's all that's going on with men.

00:17:15.700 You know, it's good that the women are cleaning out the creeps, but, you know, being a man 0.98

00:17:19.800 is a little hard in certain areas right now.

00:17:22.920 Like the alpha male is getting a little bit, you know, it's a little.

00:17:26.600 Oh, yeah.

00:17:27.160 It's risky to be an alpha male, dude.

00:17:28.680 I thought about cutting off my hands.

00:17:30.020 Yeah. 0.84

00:17:30.240 Yeah.

00:17:30.460 So it's beta.

00:17:31.060 I call it, you know, the betas are coming in.

00:17:32.720 I call them the beta broom boys. 0.99

00:17:33.920 Oh, them soft boys.

00:17:35.060 Yeah.

00:17:35.220 Which one, you know, which a woman really like. 0.98

00:17:36.960 It's like, you know, they want somebody, some of the women, not all women, I'm not saying

00:17:40.100 don't get mad, but it's like they want a guy that, if you're a strong woman, you want

00:17:43.920 a guy that you can, you know.

00:17:45.280 You can take care of.

00:17:45.840 Take care of.

00:17:47.040 But those guys that signed up in the corner, you know, some of these guys, why the woman 0.98

00:17:52.560 is getting done.

00:17:53.900 Yeah.

00:17:54.280 Why did they, they would like a broom.

00:17:56.160 Yeah. 1.00

00:17:56.640 Up their butt. 0.99

00:17:56.760 So they can sweep up. 0.99

00:17:57.660 Oh, yeah.

00:17:58.240 They want the full activity.

00:17:59.740 Yeah, right.

00:18:00.520 And it's like, I'm sorry, mistress.

00:18:02.660 That's a known thing.

00:18:03.760 Is it?

00:18:04.040 You can Google that.

00:18:04.920 That cavity surgeon.

00:18:05.700 Now, I've heard about that.

00:18:06.400 There's a lot of men who are searching their own cavities with all kinds of accoutrements,

00:18:11.420 broomsticks and shovel handles, everything.

00:18:15.580 There are.

00:18:16.660 Yo, we went.

00:18:19.220 You don't think there are?

00:18:19.880 We went, oh, for sure.

00:18:21.660 Well, you know, you've learned stuff.

00:18:23.580 Oh, yeah, dude. 0.99

00:18:24.440 Well, I mean, I didn't learn until you could jerk off. 1.00

00:18:26.320 When I was 28, I learned you could jerk off like that. 1.00

00:18:28.480 I didn't. 1.00

00:18:28.960 Oh, the other way?

00:18:29.960 Yeah, just like a reverse twisty.

00:18:31.720 It took me that long.

00:18:32.400 Dude, I used to do this thing where I would tape both my hands together with duct tape,

00:18:36.240 right?

00:18:36.420 And have my brother tape them.

00:18:37.400 And I would say it was for like school, for science.

00:18:39.300 That's what I would tell him.

00:18:40.580 Yeah.

00:18:40.940 And then I would tape like a hole in my hands like this.

00:18:43.060 And I don't know what I thought the tape was for. 0.98

00:18:44.860 And then I would go masturbate with both hands at the same time. 0.98

00:18:48.220 Wow. 1.00

00:18:48.700 And it was stupid. 1.00

00:18:50.880 Wow. 1.00

00:18:51.560 Yeah. 0.98

00:18:51.880 But then the crazy part was you had all this tape, you know, and you had like semen on 0.69

00:18:56.100 the floor or wherever or something. 0.54

00:18:57.700 Yeah.

00:18:58.080 And you had this tape on your hand.

00:18:59.100 So then it was like this real whodunit, like this kind of Harry Houdini, you know, goes 0.99

00:19:03.540 to the bunny ranch kind of fucking scenario. 0.97

00:19:05.640 And you're, you know, and somebody's beating on the door and you've been saying you're in 1.00

00:19:09.560 there, you know, shit. 1.00

00:19:10.600 And like, I must've taken so many shits when I was 14 years old. 1.00

00:19:14.600 How do we get to shit? 0.99

00:19:15.940 Just because I was always having an excuse while I was in the bathroom. 0.99

00:19:19.100 Oh, okay.

00:19:19.900 Okay.

00:19:20.280 Yeah.

00:19:20.340 I mean, I was in the bathroom.

00:19:21.200 It was my office an hour a day when I get home from school.

00:19:25.000 Wow.

00:19:25.720 A whole hour. 1.00

00:19:26.620 Oh, I'd masturbate. 0.99

00:19:27.240 So I was weak in the legs, dude. 0.99

00:19:28.320 I remember, dude, the first time I ever masturbated, I climbed up a shelving unit, right? 0.99

00:19:32.360 And found some pornography. 0.81

00:19:35.660 They had pornography magazines and a fifth of Alize, just swamp water.

00:19:40.160 It's just like colored liqueur, you know, just a real big brother sipper.

00:19:43.520 It was orange flavored or something.

00:19:44.600 And I took a swig off of that and I was jerking off from the shelves, just up on the shelves.

00:19:50.800 Just couldn't even get down. 0.99

00:19:52.340 That's how enamored I was by masturbation and addiction, addicted to that. 0.98

00:19:57.120 Wow. 0.98

00:19:57.680 You were doing, you were like. 0.99

00:19:58.540 Oh, I fucking just fell off the shelves after I came. 0.97

00:20:00.520 I couldn't even keep myself up. 0.99

00:20:02.980 I couldn't even handle myself.

00:20:04.140 You were like drunk, but also euphoric.

00:20:06.600 Yeah. 0.99

00:20:06.840 But that's how much it meant to me, like to go and masturbate, to go have that. 0.95

00:20:11.260 I remember I would bike five miles across town. 0.98

00:20:13.160 My buddy's dad had some pornography magazines in their bathroom.

00:20:15.940 Yeah. 0.97

00:20:16.220 And I'd bike five miles to get there just to jerk off and then bike back. 0.61

00:20:19.900 Yeah.

00:20:20.420 Do you know what you told me before we started the podcast?

00:20:23.760 You got a lot of DMs from those lonely men.

00:20:26.320 Oh, yeah, man.

00:20:26.860 I think that's going to help this cause, this story right now.

00:20:29.060 That's probably true.

00:20:29.440 You're going to have another thousand. 0.97

00:20:31.140 I love jerking off and driving five miles for a beaver shot. 0.99

00:20:35.240 Yeah. 1.00

00:20:35.660 Your DM's blown the fuck up. 0.70

00:20:37.680 Oh, like yours ain't going to.

00:20:39.020 I didn't want to.

00:20:40.240 Put another shower breaker in my mile.

00:20:42.920 How?

00:20:43.440 I was the victim.

00:20:44.620 I was trying to get B's, bro.

00:20:46.700 Sure you were.

00:20:47.200 I was trying to get B's and C's.

00:20:49.720 You know?

00:20:51.700 72s.

00:20:52.300 But how do we get, but yeah, the ladies, man. 1.00

00:20:54.620 We went off.

00:20:55.100 It's hot ladies. 1.00

00:20:55.980 We went off.

00:20:56.280 Man, it's good.

00:20:57.100 All right, where are we going?

00:20:57.760 It's hot ladies now with these young men. 0.99

00:21:00.000 But do you think that there's something else going on?

00:21:02.000 Because this is what I start to wonder.

00:21:03.420 Is there something else going on in the...

00:21:05.660 Ether? 0.75

00:21:06.160 Yeah, in the ether.

00:21:07.120 Like men haven't been, you know, women are feeling like they, that older men are too,

00:21:13.080 you know, that they're affected too much or that they missed out at a young age.

00:21:17.580 Like, do you think there's any?

00:21:18.500 And that's why they're going for these young, you know, these boys in their classrooms.

00:21:22.400 Do you think there's any of that or do you think that's crazy?

00:21:25.140 I'll say this.

00:21:26.100 I don't get how teachers, if you're a teacher, you're supposed to have a level of intelligence.

00:21:31.480 If you're going to do something which is clearly illegal and, you know, immoral, not only are you doing it, but you're doing it and documenting it and having a digital footprint, which is psychotic.

00:21:45.440 Why do I think they're doing it?

00:21:46.580 I think because if you do that job, the little bit I've been reading about, I mean, there's a story every three days.

00:21:52.580 Yeah.

00:21:52.740 I think something about you, you like to be, you know, center of attention, look at our job.

00:21:58.660 In control.

00:21:59.480 You know, maybe some of these guys are 16, but they look 20.

00:22:03.600 I don't know.

00:22:05.360 Fantasy.

00:22:05.860 I don't know.

00:22:06.100 There's a lot of fantasies, man, but I just think people get caught up in the moment.

00:22:10.180 I don't know.

00:22:10.580 I think some of them probably have issues, obviously.

00:22:13.200 It's all types.

00:22:13.640 No, I like that.

00:22:14.260 I mean, the fact that they're documenting it, too, that tells me something else because if anything, like back in the day, you would maybe a creepy dude would do something like that.

00:22:22.140 They would hook up with a young girl.

00:22:23.100 They would document it.

00:22:23.920 That was like something you would see on an early season of Criminal Minds, you know, like that was enough of a plot.

00:22:28.320 Like that was real stuff.

00:22:29.960 But now it's like if these women are documenting it, that shows to me that they want to keep it for some reason, that they want that, you know, that treasure trove of little artifacts they can go back and look at. 0.98

00:22:38.960 But they're going to go back for the bank.

00:22:40.920 Right.

00:22:41.280 They're going back to, you know, that's a spank bank, maybe. 0.69

00:22:45.460 Yeah.

00:22:46.000 But the bottom line is it's crazy and it's happening more and more.

00:22:50.160 But if I was in high school when I was 16 and my teacher was flirting with me, I would think that was a good thing.

00:22:56.240 But it is illegal.

00:22:57.460 I think Jamie just hit it.

00:22:59.400 I think these kids, these guys are hearing about these stories happening, so they're getting more emboldened and they're making a little pass to the teacher more than they would.

00:23:07.960 I know I had this teacher, senior Spanish teacher, when I was in freshman year and I loved her, but I just never thought it was a possibility.

00:23:15.520 Later, I found out she was messing around with a senior. 0.98

00:23:18.260 I could have had a chance the whole time, but I didn't think it was a possibility.

00:23:21.300 Now these kids know it's real.

00:23:22.600 Wow.

00:23:23.800 No, some of these teachers are coming hard at the guys, number one.

00:23:28.980 And number two.

00:23:31.680 Yeah, what's number two?

00:23:32.920 I forgot my point.

00:23:33.960 I know.

00:23:34.480 I always do that, bro. 0.97

00:23:35.500 I fucking forgot my point, but wait. 0.93

00:23:38.960 Okay, so number one was what? 0.97

00:23:41.260 That.

00:23:41.660 I forgot number one now.

00:23:42.900 I'm talking about that.

00:23:44.020 Number one was that the teachers are coming hard.

00:23:45.940 Yeah, they're coming hard.

00:23:47.280 Yeah, the teachers are coming hard now, but I agree.

00:23:49.100 That's a great point.

00:23:50.260 That Nat.

00:23:50.940 Yeah, because I.

00:23:51.580 Dude, I was just jaw-breaking it.

00:23:53.280 Yeah.

00:23:53.600 But that was. 1.00

00:23:54.120 You were just hanging out with a fucking senior citizen. 1.00

00:23:56.160 I was getting a free whopper. 1.00

00:23:57.000 Yeah.

00:23:57.540 Jaw-breaking it.

00:23:58.920 You know what was the big deal with me?

00:24:00.840 Tickling.

00:24:01.380 Yeah.

00:24:01.500 These guys, you like to tickle.

00:24:03.480 They like to be tickled.

00:24:04.380 Just a little goochie-geek, you know, tickle them.

00:24:06.720 That type of stuff.

00:24:08.140 Oh.

00:24:08.320 But I wasn't doing anything, and I wasn't getting it.

00:24:11.340 Yeah.

00:24:11.620 No hot teachers.

00:24:12.560 I had nothing.

00:24:13.120 I had jaw-breaker.

00:24:13.880 That's all I had.

00:24:14.600 But I could see you, you know, if I'm a hot teacher, I'm not going.

00:24:17.640 I mean, I think a tall guy would have more.

00:24:19.560 But were you, like, tall and lanky?

00:24:21.280 Were you tall and you were lanky? 0.79

00:24:22.580 Lanky.

00:24:22.820 Yeah. 0.99

00:24:23.140 Nobody's fucked. 1.00

00:24:23.900 A teacher's not fucking that dude. 1.00

00:24:25.440 A teacher's fucking, like, the jacked, kind of, like, backup quarterback type of dude. 1.00

00:24:30.140 Really? 1.00

00:24:30.480 You know? 0.99

00:24:31.200 Yeah, no offense, but the tall, lanky dude ain't getting fucked by the teacher like that. 0.99

00:24:34.580 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:24:35.220 That dude might.

00:24:36.040 Why?

00:24:36.520 He's, you know.

00:24:37.320 Just because.

00:24:38.120 You don't know what's going on with him.

00:24:39.500 Like, one day his head's real long or his chin's real long.

00:24:42.800 Oh, his growth spurt.

00:24:43.600 Yeah, those growth spurts, I think, are scary to people around that age.

00:24:46.260 Yeah.

00:24:46.600 Like, you meet a kid and he looked, you know, one day one of his arms is going longer and

00:24:51.060 the next day it's just too much sprouting.

00:24:53.740 You know?

00:24:54.560 Like, you're really, you're doing too much. 0.99

00:24:56.720 Like, one day your friend would have a fucking, the longest neck in the world. 1.00

00:24:59.680 You're like, what the fuck, Terrence? 1.00

00:25:02.100 Well, we get in trouble when we talk about this stuff. 0.99

00:25:04.200 The world's scary right now.

00:25:05.340 No, this is the world that we live in.

00:25:06.760 We can't help that we live here, dude.

00:25:07.780 We didn't even put ourselves on this planet.

00:25:09.400 I know.

00:25:09.900 But do you ever find, like, because we do comedy, it's like, I do jokes about it, man.

00:25:15.660 And it's, it's the most intense time to do comedy in terms of political correct, right?

00:25:20.820 Right.

00:25:21.000 You agree with that?

00:25:21.440 I think it's getting better, though.

00:25:22.440 I think it's on the way back.

00:25:23.680 Okay, good.

00:25:24.520 Pendulum swinging back.

00:25:25.460 I do notice that 100%.

00:25:26.820 I've had three different times at three shows in town.

00:25:32.480 Two times, and then one time out of town.

00:25:35.280 People have approached me and asked me why I did a certain joke.

00:25:37.580 Oh, yeah?

00:25:38.060 Mm-hmm.

00:25:38.480 And was it always a certain topic?

00:25:39.640 Was it what, like, joking about molestation?

00:25:42.080 Was it joking about...

00:25:43.860 I do a joke that I say, you know, I read about myself on the internet, and I read something

00:25:48.440 that said, people say, Jamie Kennedy looks as if Bradley Cooper, Matthew McConaughey, 0.56

00:25:52.720 raped Bradley Cooper. 1.00

00:25:53.800 Mm. 0.99

00:25:54.240 So it's a rape joke. 0.95

00:25:55.380 So it has rape in it. 1.00

00:25:56.300 It has the word rape in it. 0.97

00:25:57.500 Yeah.

00:25:57.840 But there's no rape happening.

00:25:59.340 It's imaginary.

00:26:00.020 It was written about me as a blog.

00:26:01.240 And those would be your parents if that did happen.

00:26:03.100 Exactly.

00:26:03.540 They're not bad looking parents.

00:26:04.740 Yeah.

00:26:05.000 And you can't make fun of your own parents?

00:26:06.400 No.

00:26:06.700 And so they went, people went off and said, why are you endorsing rape culture?

00:26:10.200 I'm like, I'm not.

00:26:11.100 It was written about me, and I had a whole dissertation.

00:26:13.660 Wow.

00:26:14.060 So I just listened, man.

00:26:15.060 I just listened.

00:26:16.100 Yeah.

00:26:17.480 Well, the heckler, I feel like, I mean, you did the documentary, The Heckler.

00:26:20.560 Yeah.

00:26:20.920 And the heckler these days is, was that with Michael Addis?

00:26:23.680 Who was that with?

00:26:24.100 Yeah, it was Michael.

00:26:24.980 Nice.

00:26:25.240 I just saw Michael the other day.

00:26:26.220 Yeah.

00:26:27.320 But if that documentary, I feel like the heckler now is the media, kind of.

00:26:34.360 Well, what we did when we did that was, I was just working on my first hour.

00:26:40.800 Right.

00:26:41.180 When I did that, I was in clubs.

00:26:43.200 And I would get heckles.

00:26:45.020 Not so much crazy heckles.

00:26:46.840 I was getting heckled, but it was more like drunken, emboldened people.

00:26:50.800 And they were hilarious.

00:26:52.020 And my comebacks were pretty damn good, too.

00:26:54.440 And we started documenting it, which was filming me to get my bits down.

00:26:59.220 Yeah.

00:26:59.460 And it ended up becoming, I'm like, dude, this is something here.

00:27:02.440 And he agreed.

00:27:03.700 And that's what heckler started.

00:27:05.120 How the heckler was a live action person.

00:27:08.180 Right? 1.00

00:27:08.620 So it was somebody in the audience, no matter what the event, hey, you suck. 1.00

00:27:12.380 Right. 0.98

00:27:12.600 Then, I was around 05, 06 when it happened.

00:27:16.140 And there was blogs or the rage.

00:27:18.460 Right.

00:27:18.980 And that's when people, not the New York Times or LA Times were reviewing your movie.

00:27:22.440 That's when, you know, this is a wafflemovie.com.

00:27:25.500 Yeah.

00:27:25.640 It's a real site.

00:27:26.660 How many waffles?

00:27:28.240 0 out of 5 waffles does your movie get?

00:27:30.580 And I was getting, you know, not a lot of waffles.

00:27:33.220 Yeah, 2 waffles.

00:27:33.980 Yeah, I got a waffle and a half. 1.00

00:27:36.160 Damn. 1.00

00:27:36.620 And I'm like, you're a waffle house. 1.00

00:27:38.780 Yeah.

00:27:39.020 You know, I got to have two, right? 1.00

00:27:40.840 So I'm like, who the fuck is this guy? 1.00

00:27:43.120 And then that shit started springing up. 1.00

00:27:45.100 And it was like, you know, eggplant.com, three eggplants. 1.00

00:27:48.620 And so everybody started having this voice.

00:27:51.180 And I realized heckling wasn't just the people.

00:27:54.620 It was now bloggers.

00:27:56.140 Now it's the media.

00:27:57.360 Yeah.

00:27:57.840 But it's gotten even crazier, bro, which is, which is, you're right. 0.79

00:28:02.480 And, you know, I'm not going to suck my own D, but the movie was a little early ahead of its time. 0.75

00:28:07.320 But now there's something what I call cannibalism, where, I mean, artists are straight up heckling each other. 0.98

00:28:16.320 Only like comics are, you know, heckling each other or, you know, music people are fucking having Twitter wars. 0.93

00:28:23.740 That's crazy to me. 0.97

00:28:25.140 Really?

00:28:26.120 100%.

00:28:26.640 Well, what's crazy to you about it?

00:28:28.840 Well, oh, okay, good.

00:28:30.320 Because I, this business is insanely difficult. 0.97

00:28:36.300 It's so fucking hard. 0.88

00:28:38.380 And the fact that you're in this business means that you're not exactly well adjusted. 0.97

00:28:43.180 So it's painful.

00:28:44.360 You know what I'm saying?

00:28:45.320 Yeah.

00:28:45.480 Okay.

00:28:45.880 I didn't come here for, you know, because, you know, my life is happy.

00:28:51.300 Right.

00:28:51.480 And you didn't stay here because you might have come here with your dream, but it does start to change.

00:28:55.180 Yeah.

00:28:55.640 And it's hurtful.

00:28:56.780 It's hurtful here.

00:28:57.480 And it's, it's, it's, it's, and it's, but it's a, but it's beautiful.

00:29:00.680 You know, those 10, 15 minutes I have on stage or that, you know, 20 seconds to say my line before they say a cut.

00:29:09.140 That's, that's where I'm happiest.

00:29:11.320 I love it.

00:29:12.380 You know, people's reaction.

00:29:13.600 I love it.

00:29:14.520 But it's, it's, we're in a fraternity, a brotherhood. 0.97

00:29:20.600 And I feel like people, when I, I don't fuck with anybody because I know how hard this journey is. 0.90

00:29:31.440 That's my opinion and I grew up where my heroes were like, you know, 50, you know, 50s, you know, 60s. 0.95

00:29:42.380 I understood what Hollywood, you got to read Marlon Brando's book.

00:29:45.660 And he would say that there would be a premiere of Man's Chinese and it would go from Man's Chinese down past Gower.

00:29:55.220 You know how long that is?

00:29:56.620 That line, that's like a mile for a premiere and Hollywood was beyond, beyond special.

00:30:05.080 And to get in was insanely difficult.

00:30:09.800 You know, you had to be past the gates.

00:30:12.540 Now what's beautiful is all the tools to do it yourself, you can get in.

00:30:18.140 But it's, it's no barrier to entry and there's issues there.

00:30:24.240 Does that make sense?

00:30:24.880 Yeah, I mean, you know, there's a couple different topics in there.

00:30:27.140 I mean, for one, it's like, yeah, it's like anybody can get in here now, for sure.

00:30:32.260 And I think you almost have to create your own way in these days.

00:30:35.480 100%.

00:30:35.840 I don't think it's as prevalent, you know, it's, there's so much nepotism now.

00:30:40.220 The business has been going on a couple more generations, you know, or another generation.

00:30:43.200 It's like, it's just, it's really hard to get into this business.

00:30:47.940 Oh, it's easier now.

00:30:48.820 Right.

00:30:49.040 But unless you create, it's hard to get into this old business.

00:30:51.640 But if you create your own way, then it's easier and then it's your own business.

00:30:56.040 You know, I think like, you know, it used to be the big three networks and, and Fox,

00:31:00.000 you know, and, and, um, or trying to get into a movie.

00:31:02.640 But now all of that business is so like, it's so cutthroat and jaded over there. 0.96

00:31:08.100 If you just try and wait on these casting directors or these, or to meet a producer at a coffee shop, that shit's not happening anymore. 0.99

00:31:17.220 So you have to create your own shit so that they've come to you now. 0.99

00:31:23.260 Yeah, 100%. 0.99

00:31:24.220 But wait, you were surprised that I said, I don't heckle all their artists.

00:31:30.200 Why are you surprised at that?

00:31:31.160 I wasn't surprised at that.

00:31:31.980 What I'm saying is that the media is the heckler now.

00:31:33.940 That was my thought.

00:31:34.780 Like now the heckler used to be that man sitting in the front row.

00:31:37.980 I can deal with that now.

00:31:39.280 Now the heckler is like, I mean, well, the comedy is kind of divided and I feel like there's real comedians.

00:31:44.640 And then there's also like joke writers who are on stage.

00:31:48.120 And it, and I feel like this, the industry caters a lot more towards writers.

00:31:52.220 Wow.

00:31:53.240 When it's like, what do you mean?

00:31:54.340 I could, I could listen to that off stage.

00:31:55.780 People are going to hate that you said that, but boy.

00:31:58.320 I could listen to that off stage.

00:31:59.540 What's, what makes this person interesting?

00:32:01.120 Just that they got up there and they're just writing and then reading it on stage.

00:32:05.440 Wow.

00:32:06.060 Is that, is that, it's not, I'm not saying it's not entertainment. 0.99

00:32:09.080 Damn. 0.99

00:32:09.420 But I would watch a guy like Sebastian Maniscalco to my, to my ball skin falls off my balls. 1.00

00:32:14.280 100%. 0.98

00:32:14.680 He's an entertainer.

00:32:15.440 Cause he's an entertainer.

00:32:16.820 Entertainer.

00:32:17.220 Chris DeLea, I'd watch him.

00:32:19.040 Entertainer.

00:32:19.420 Yeah.

00:32:19.540 You go write down Maniscalco stuff or DeLea's stuff on paper.

00:32:22.160 It's that's whatever maybe, but you watch them do it and it's electricity.

00:32:26.200 Electric.

00:32:26.780 Totally agree.

00:32:28.120 Entertainers.

00:32:28.520 That is an amazing note.

00:32:30.380 And I think they don't have them anymore.

00:32:31.960 It's like where, like half these people, like, it's just like, is this entertainment?

00:32:36.500 Even if it's not even great, I'd rather it be like Mike Epps, like one of his specials

00:32:41.220 that came out two years ago, got a bunch of bad reviews and stuff, but I thought it was,

00:32:45.480 at least it was entertaining.

00:32:47.220 Yeah.

00:32:47.760 You know, he's not a writer.

00:32:49.160 Mike Epps is a performer.

00:32:50.720 Bro, I'm the same way.

00:32:52.080 I feel like I'm a performer.

00:32:53.260 Yeah, you're a performer.

00:32:53.940 And I'm sometimes will go out there and go, blah, and people will be like, oh, he's big.

00:32:58.040 Yeah.

00:32:58.240 You know what I mean?

00:32:58.980 But it's like.

00:32:59.620 Yeah, he's got energy.

00:33:00.660 But it's like, but there's times when I'll be low energy, but it is like, I agree, my 0.96

00:33:06.040 performing is much stronger than my writing, but I, dude, you're saying some fucking gold.

00:33:10.960 Now, people are probably going to hate that, but I so agree with you. 0.71

00:33:13.760 And you know what that has to do with?

00:33:15.000 Hmm.

00:33:15.580 Charisma.

00:33:16.220 Yeah.

00:33:17.680 Charisma.

00:33:18.000 Yeah.

00:33:18.480 Why don't, why don't say charisma is what you're saying.

00:33:20.960 Well, then why doesn't the industry, why doesn't the industry go after charisma anymore? 0.97

00:33:24.320 It's like, you could sit in the comedy store for one night and see so much fucking charisma.

00:33:28.780 It's just like, what, how everybody in this place doesn't have some, isn't, you know, 0.98

00:33:34.660 well, there's a lot of, right.

00:33:37.040 There's a lot of successful people in there.

00:33:38.420 It's a good point.

00:33:39.080 But yeah, it just seems sometimes like, like we've gotten away from entertainment and they've

00:33:44.300 just tried to, I, here's what I want to say on that point. 0.94

00:33:47.980 And, um, we're talking about what I said, don't talk about, so I'm a hypocrite. 0.98

00:33:51.860 But yeah, no, look, we're all hypocrites, man. 0.97

00:33:53.680 We're just trying our best. 1.00

00:33:54.780 But what I do say is this is though, is that fuck me, I lost my point again. 0.98

00:33:59.300 Is that, is that I do feel this when like you put yourself, there's something that happens 0.98

00:34:07.060 sometimes in comedy, not all the time, and maybe entertainment, where people are being

00:34:12.720 cool and cool is the death of entertainment.

00:34:17.800 Yeah. 0.97

00:34:18.040 The coolest people I know are fucking real. 0.86

00:34:22.420 Yeah. 0.97

00:34:22.680 And they're not cool.

00:34:23.700 Yeah.

00:34:23.840 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:34:24.300 So I feel sometimes what you're saying is like, when I go on stage, I can bomb shit. 0.98

00:34:29.820 I had some tough sets last week and, but I try to be vulnerable. 0.98

00:34:34.660 Right.

00:34:34.960 And I feel that sometimes people don't want to do that because they don't want to seem

00:34:39.280 like, Ooh, I'm vulnerable.

00:34:41.880 I can, you know, go fail.

00:34:43.280 But right.

00:34:44.320 There's more people just saying that they're vulnerable than it is actually being vulnerable.

00:34:48.340 No, like straight up vulnerable.

00:34:49.980 Yeah.

00:34:50.200 And I do agree with that.

00:34:51.300 And that's what there's, I think Hollywood sometimes look as vulnerability as weak.

00:34:56.240 Yeah.

00:34:56.440 You know, like my dad used to say, just cause I'm nice doesn't mean, you know, I'm weak,

00:34:59.560 you know?

00:35:00.060 Right.

00:35:00.960 Yeah.

00:35:01.220 Just cause I'm nice doesn't mean that I'm weak.

00:35:02.680 Yeah.

00:35:02.960 So it's like, I do feel like, I feel that I do feel like the town feels like, Oh, he, you

00:35:07.860 know, there's snark, man.

00:35:09.140 The town got snarky.

00:35:10.080 It's a snark town.

00:35:10.520 The town got real snarky.

00:35:11.480 And that's why I think that's, you know, I think there's going to be a new Hollywood.

00:35:14.740 This is a perception of mine.

00:35:16.160 I think in the next 10, 12 years, you're going to have a brand new Hollywood that's going

00:35:19.660 to form maybe 15, 20 years or a separate Hollywood that's going to perform.

00:35:23.620 And I think it's going to be based out of Nashville.

00:35:26.080 And I strongly believe that there's a ton of artists there.

00:35:28.280 There's a lot of money there, tons of people moving there.

00:35:31.700 And it's a place where people get, it's not as infected.

00:35:34.020 I mean, I think a lot of Hollywood, there's just so many ages, so many writers now.

00:35:38.180 It's like the sons of writers and grandsons of writers.

00:35:40.760 It's just all the same people.

00:35:42.400 It's like, they've never even lived anywhere outside of.

00:35:44.800 You think nepotism is that bad?

00:35:46.840 I think it is.

00:35:47.740 Well, you can't, if you're not good, Theo, they're not going to last.

00:35:50.480 For acting and stuff, you can though.

00:35:51.980 I think you can get away in that industry a little bit more.

00:35:55.020 I think you can.

00:35:56.000 Yeah.

00:35:56.340 These days with, they don't even let you really do that much on screen these days.

00:35:59.640 It's like, it's all like this cut to that cut.

00:36:01.880 But it just seems like a lot more.

00:36:03.820 What are you talking about?

00:36:05.160 That's what I feel like.

00:36:06.500 I feel like.

00:36:06.940 You mean an explosion?

00:36:08.380 No, it's like.

00:36:09.460 What are you talking about?

00:36:11.140 I feel like a lot of times on the screen, they don't let it breathe.

00:36:15.660 Oh, for sure.

00:36:16.900 Yeah. 1.00

00:36:17.260 You're saying get to the shit. 1.00

00:36:18.740 And that's how, yes. 1.00

00:36:19.580 Now it's more get to the shit where you used to be able to kind of, you fell in love with 0.88

00:36:23.480 the character more a little bit because you got to see a little bit of them. 0.96

00:36:26.520 Well, dude, you're talking about like Chinatown. 0.99

00:36:29.480 You're talking about, you know, Cuckoo's Nest. 1.00

00:36:32.880 That shit. 1.00

00:36:34.060 That's all Netflix. 1.00

00:36:35.120 I mean, what movies have you seen where you're like, this is an adult thriller movie?

00:36:41.040 Yeah.

00:36:41.500 When have you seen that?

00:36:42.500 There's not that many.

00:36:43.200 Dunkirk is the only good movie I've seen in about three years.

00:36:45.980 And it was good.

00:36:48.820 Well, you don't like.

00:36:49.680 There's other types of movies.

00:36:50.680 You don't like any superhero movies?

00:36:52.200 Oh, I saw Ant Man.

00:36:54.320 Have you seen that?

00:36:54.940 About that man that's an ant?

00:36:56.180 It's like about Paul Reiser and he gets.

00:36:58.620 Paul Rudd.

00:36:59.600 Paul Rudd.

00:37:00.540 And he gets in some issues with house cleaning products or something and ends up being.

00:37:05.960 I don't know.

00:37:06.620 He ends up getting infected as infected with antism.

00:37:09.980 Yeah.

00:37:10.260 And he's an ant.

00:37:11.060 Yeah.

00:37:11.380 And an ant.

00:37:11.680 But he's powerful because, you know, they're a hundred thousand times their own strength. 0.97

00:37:14.320 Which also who fucking knows how strong that is. 0.99

00:37:16.880 Like they're fucking ants, dude. 1.00

00:37:18.660 They lose every battle I've ever seen. 1.00

00:37:21.260 Fucking ants lose. 1.00

00:37:22.400 I know. 1.00

00:37:23.140 So what the fuck are you right? 0.99

00:37:24.440 I don't know. 0.99

00:37:24.720 They're always like, they're a hundred thousand times their own strength. 0.99

00:37:26.980 Well, who gives a fuck, dude? 0.99

00:37:28.120 Yeah. 1.00

00:37:28.400 I'll fuck a thousand of them up right now. 1.00

00:37:30.720 That's right. 1.00

00:37:31.560 Yeah.

00:37:32.060 That's right.

00:37:32.920 They got good PR, but they have bad.

00:37:34.800 There's no talent there.

00:37:36.400 You know?

00:37:37.660 Great PR.

00:37:38.640 Speaking of PR.

00:37:40.300 Yeah.

00:37:40.560 I feel like STDs have got a new publicist.

00:37:43.760 Really? 1.00

00:37:44.620 Damn. 1.00

00:37:45.020 You drive down Santa Monica Boulevard, Melrose. 1.00

00:37:47.480 You see that ad for syphilis?

00:37:49.100 Oh, yeah.

00:37:49.820 And it's all these, get a check. 1.00

00:37:52.700 I don't want to see that shit. 1.00

00:37:54.780 I just came out of egg slut. 1.00

00:37:56.720 I'm already having a slutty egg. 1.00

00:37:59.200 Syphilis. 0.99

00:37:59.680 They got sores.

00:38:01.320 7 a.m.

00:38:02.400 I've got a coffee. 0.99

00:38:04.060 Egg slut. 1.00

00:38:05.220 Syphilis. 1.00

00:38:05.700 I don't know. 1.00

00:38:06.840 Damn. 0.99

00:38:07.880 Gonorrhea.net. 1.00

00:38:09.200 You see this shit? 1.00

00:38:10.780 They're fucking blowing up. 1.00

00:38:13.200 I mean. 0.99

00:38:13.760 They're back, baby. 0.99

00:38:14.680 Bro, they'll come their fifth lead in a fucking Marvel movie. 0.99

00:38:17.520 Dude, Gonorrhifilis. 0.99

00:38:18.740 The new one is Gonorrhifilis, dude. 1.00

00:38:19.980 Oh, they hybrid this shit? 1.00

00:38:21.400 Yeah. 1.00

00:38:22.160 Dude.

00:38:23.680 Gonorrhifilis, bro.

00:38:24.540 Bro, I mean.

00:38:25.700 Yeah.

00:38:26.540 It burns when you piss, but.

00:38:28.540 Herps is getting in on the game.

00:38:30.720 Oh, Herps is the big old.

00:38:31.980 I'm waiting for crabs.

00:38:33.460 But don't, for real.

00:38:34.400 Yeah.

00:38:34.680 What is it? 1.00

00:38:35.280 Why are they promoting this shit? 1.00

00:38:37.200 Hard. 1.00

00:38:38.280 I don't know, man.

00:38:39.740 Woo.

00:38:40.300 I think they don't want people having it.

00:38:41.900 I saw a truck, an HIV truck the other day. 0.97

00:38:44.420 And it's, I guess, it looked like a food truck, but it was also, like, curing HIV.

00:38:47.880 I'm like, dang, they're doing everything now.

00:38:49.980 A food HIV.

00:38:50.620 You know?

00:38:51.000 Yeah, okay.

00:38:51.500 It was like HIV away or something.

00:38:53.580 Dot com.

00:38:53.880 HIV away dot com.

00:38:55.300 Okay.

00:38:55.900 Like, I don't think that's going to cure it.

00:38:57.320 You know, that basic suggestion.

00:38:58.940 Yeah.

00:38:59.400 But, yeah.

00:39:00.960 All right, I'm going to give Jamie a gift from us today.

00:39:02.740 And this is the Ridge wallet, brother.

00:39:05.560 Oh, dude.

00:39:06.840 So, you got that hitter now.

00:39:08.860 Oh.

00:39:09.480 And that's that front pocket carry.

00:39:10.980 A lot of people have been carrying their wallet in their back pocket, and those people are slowly becoming extinct.

00:39:15.660 Oh, okay.

00:39:16.700 And it's got a little metal around it.

00:39:18.500 Oh, that's that. 0.98

00:39:19.120 There's a couple of accoutrements you can use to tap into that sucker, bro. 0.98

00:39:22.520 Wait, is this, what's this do? 0.98

00:39:24.420 Oh, that does whatever you want it to do, dude.

00:39:26.040 Give that to your cousin. 1.00

00:39:26.880 But look at the wallet, though.

00:39:27.920 That's that real hitter. 0.96

00:39:29.860 Okay, but where's the money go?

00:39:31.540 Oh, you can fly. 1.00

00:39:32.880 Yeah, with that, you can fly Tootsie Rolls out of your cousin's fucking grill, bro. 0.99

00:39:36.940 I can also use this as just like, you know, quick stick them. 0.99

00:39:42.060 Oh, definitely.

00:39:42.520 When I'm in New Orleans.

00:39:43.680 Well, you can stick them up, and it has that money clip.

00:39:45.100 You put the cash on the side.

00:39:46.140 You put your cards in there, and you carry it in the front of your pocket, and you got that little hitter.

00:39:50.500 Okay, I got you.

00:39:51.500 So, you could change the fabric of somebody's life.

00:39:53.860 You could remodel somebody's whole aortas.

00:39:55.940 I thought that was a different hitter, but okay.

00:39:58.060 Oh, you could do that?

00:39:59.300 Okay, yeah.

00:40:00.080 Well, you could chop it up.

00:40:01.500 You get a tool for everybody.

00:40:03.220 Are you guys watching, or are we just listening?

00:40:04.880 No, we're watching endless.

00:40:06.100 This is like government-issue steel.

00:40:09.020 That's steel, bro.

00:40:09.840 Yeah.

00:40:10.560 That'll stop a bullet, dude.

00:40:11.920 Tutanic, right?

00:40:12.640 So, you put that there, but then you got this, where you can also change your glasses.

00:40:16.620 Yeah, you do whatever you want.

00:40:18.020 Chop up stuff, anything, vegetables, anything you want.

00:40:20.640 Dude, you could do remodel a small auto.

00:40:23.240 You could do whatever you want, and that's special alloy metal from space.

00:40:26.680 That's space metal.

00:40:27.740 Wow.

00:40:28.320 So, all the people that own these, Buzz Aldrin.

00:40:31.840 I'm taking it.

00:40:33.060 Yeah, Space Jam.

00:40:34.100 Anybody that was in Space Jam.

00:40:35.600 Yeah, okay.

00:40:36.220 So, you got one.

00:40:37.100 That's from Ridge Wallet.

00:40:37.980 RidgeWallet.com slash Theo.

00:40:39.760 Get 10% off that beautiful hitter.

00:40:41.720 And look, it took me five days to love mine, and I love mine now.

00:40:45.860 Use it every day.

00:40:46.660 I think I'm loving mine after an hour.

00:40:48.640 You're going to love it, dude.

00:40:49.980 Yeah.

00:40:50.400 Get rid of that rear carry and get that front pocket carry.

00:40:52.860 Yeah.

00:40:53.160 Thank you.

00:40:54.380 And it still smelled like food.

00:40:56.060 I'm like, I can't even, I'm giving blood in this thing or whatever.

00:40:59.220 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:40:59.680 It smells like fucking chicken sausage back here. 0.99

00:41:03.200 And I'm supposed to fucking be shedding pints back here or whatever. 1.00

00:41:06.840 Yeah. 0.96

00:41:07.040 Yeah.

00:41:07.220 You know?

00:41:07.540 Chicken apple.

00:41:08.500 Chicken apple sausage.

00:41:09.620 Yeah.

00:41:09.820 They shouldn't let some vehicles go from one thing to another thing.

00:41:12.640 You know?

00:41:13.320 There should be, they should just, the government should have a better hold on that.

00:41:16.360 Yeah. 0.99

00:41:16.660 Damn. 1.00

00:41:17.980 Damn. 0.99

00:41:19.040 That's interesting. 0.99

00:41:20.780 So, but yeah, man, it's getting wild out there.

00:41:23.840 And if I could go back in time, dude, I'll be straight up.

00:41:26.900 I know I have some people from my hometown that listen to this cast.

00:41:29.020 And dude, they had a couple of teachers, man.

00:41:31.140 They had one named Miss Barnes, and she was ice cold, boy. 0.97

00:41:35.080 But I try to warm her heart the long way, you know?

00:41:38.220 And then they had a couple of other teachers, I think.

00:41:40.840 One of them, Miss Brestersen, I think her name was.

00:41:43.960 Stop it.

00:41:44.340 Yeah.

00:41:44.760 Stop lying.

00:41:45.940 Stop lying.

00:41:47.040 You made that up.

00:41:48.060 Uh-uh, dude.

00:41:48.540 You made that up.

00:41:50.080 It's like Usain Bolt.

00:41:51.180 Oh, yeah.

00:41:51.860 I know, right?

00:41:52.500 It's just appropriate.

00:41:54.080 I don't know if that's an onomatopoeia or not, but Miss Brestersen was. 0.93

00:41:58.340 Dude, I couldn't even, I never saw her head or her stomach or legs. 0.98

00:42:03.780 All you saw?

00:42:05.060 All I ever saw was her breasts, bro. 1.00

00:42:07.040 And it was a nice line?

00:42:09.000 I don't remember.

00:42:09.800 It was just this big, huge chunk of warmth that would just be in front of your face, dude.

00:42:13.880 Great way to describe it.

00:42:15.260 It was just, and I think she-

00:42:17.140 You just want to get in there.

00:42:17.820 Oh.

00:42:18.420 Nest.

00:42:18.920 Get in there.

00:42:19.680 You just want to blouse up, you know?

00:42:21.440 Yeah. 0.99

00:42:21.460 It was, I mean, I think she was in a blouse or a fucking tourniquet. 0.99

00:42:25.140 I don't even know what she was in. 0.99

00:42:26.440 Tourniquet.

00:42:26.880 That would mean she'd be on the other truck or the food truck.

00:42:29.360 Oh, she would have been?

00:42:30.200 Yeah.

00:42:30.400 Not a tourniquet then, man.

00:42:32.380 And it just looked like one big, wide tit, you know?

00:42:37.000 And it just was hot. 0.91

00:42:37.940 Oh, she one-titted it. 0.98

00:42:39.400 I don't know if she did or not, but when I would get closer, there was so much heat coming 0.96

00:42:42.180 out of her that I couldn't even barely fucking see, and my eyes would fog up. 0.88

00:42:45.680 And I would think I had glasses on, but I didn't even have glasses on, dude. 0.99

00:42:48.540 My fucking eyes would fog up. 1.00

00:42:50.520 She lensed you? 1.00

00:42:51.780 Bro, that's how bad her titties were, man. 1.00

00:42:53.680 She had lenses without lenses. 0.95

00:42:56.360 Wow.

00:42:57.260 Your retinas would fog up. 0.80

00:42:58.640 Dude, yeah, my retinas would fog up.

00:43:00.320 What grade?

00:43:00.980 Are we in the fourth or fifth?

00:43:02.260 I don't remember.

00:43:03.160 I don't even remember learning after that.

00:43:04.540 You nine?

00:43:05.180 You single or double digits?

00:43:06.680 Oh, I was single.

00:43:08.000 No, I was double digits, bro.

00:43:09.480 Okay, okay.

00:43:10.100 Because I remember all the blood would run in my lower extremities, and I would faint, dude.

00:43:15.560 Because I had this thing when I was young that my blood would go not only to my wiener,

00:43:19.920 but it would also go to the rest of my extremities, my legs, my lower body.

00:43:24.120 Yeah.

00:43:24.560 And so I had to wear these compression pants.

00:43:26.360 You ever seen those people wearing when they fly?

00:43:27.520 Yeah, I see them at the infomercial.

00:43:29.820 Yeah, I had to wear those in middle school because my blood would fill up all of my legs 0.99

00:43:36.600 whenever I would get sexually aroused, and I would fucking pass out. 0.98

00:43:40.360 So they could always, the worst part was people could tell when I was sexually aroused. 0.99

00:43:45.000 Because you'd be on the floor. 1.00

00:43:45.920 Oh, I'd just be like, oh, fuck, dude. 0.99

00:43:47.300 He was erect, and it was just me and my buddies playing hoops or something. 1.00

00:43:49.660 I'd be like, damn, bro. 0.99

00:43:51.000 Yeah, wow. 0.99

00:43:52.600 That means you've got to be working with something.

00:43:55.180 You've got to have a door of flame.

00:43:57.020 I mean, you've got to have...

00:43:57.840 Yeah, I've got some width, but it's real.

00:43:59.640 The height is questionable.

00:44:00.840 No, but, you know, they call you tuna cans.

00:44:03.200 You know what I mean?

00:44:03.800 There's a lot.

00:44:04.900 You know, it doesn't hit the back, but the sides get taken care of.

00:44:07.460 Oh, the sides, yeah.

00:44:08.480 You know what I mean?

00:44:09.060 Tear up the walls.

00:44:10.140 Yeah, right.

00:44:10.980 So that means you were filling up.

00:44:12.680 You know what I mean?

00:44:13.320 Oh, yeah.

00:44:13.780 Yeah, okay.

00:44:14.360 And I couldn't even...

00:44:15.200 Yeah, I just remember my eyes would just kind of go empty, and then I would go down.

00:44:18.360 But how's your cap game?

00:44:19.860 You know what I mean?

00:44:20.480 You've got a good cap on there?

00:44:21.580 Oh, nuh-uh.

00:44:22.560 Oh. 1.00

00:44:23.400 Small penis head. 1.00

00:44:24.980 Really? 1.00

00:44:25.480 Big body.

00:44:26.180 Oh, okay.

00:44:27.100 So it's like one of those trucks that the caboose gets wider when they add extra wheels on it.

00:44:33.340 Oh, yeah.

00:44:33.800 What is that?

00:44:34.360 And those pickup trucks, and they double wide?

00:44:36.760 Yeah, yeah.

00:44:37.200 The triple wide?

00:44:37.620 Just at the back, it's got big hips on it. 0.90

00:44:39.320 Yeah, so you're kind of like a stealth bum.

00:44:40.860 Yes. 0.96

00:44:41.380 Okay, I got you. 1.00

00:44:42.380 My dick's got big hips on it. 1.00

00:44:43.680 Hip, hip. 1.00

00:44:44.400 That's basically what we're doing.

00:44:47.040 Yo, this thing has gone all over the place.

00:44:49.740 Dude, we are.

00:44:51.140 We're just who we are today.

00:44:52.220 That's what I like that.

00:44:54.880 Yeah, man.

00:44:55.420 So you've...

00:44:55.940 So...

00:44:56.700 That's whatever you want. 1.00

00:44:57.640 So your aim is to shoot it. 0.99

00:44:58.640 You want to shoot another special soon?

00:45:00.020 Yeah, I did my first special, and it was on Comedy Central, and then my second one was

00:45:03.680 on Showtime.

00:45:04.660 And I have to say, I've never had anything, I think, air more than anything.

00:45:09.060 Showtime put it on Showtime, then Showtime 2, then Showtime 3, then Showtime 3A, then

00:45:14.540 Showtime Spanish, and Showtime Redbox.

00:45:17.480 I mean, it was on like 17 Showtimes.

00:45:19.920 It must have felt good, huh?

00:45:20.900 It was awesome, and I can't thank them enough, and it was like for two years straight, but

00:45:26.100 I mean, my ticket sales went up like 8% or something.

00:45:30.180 Yeah.

00:45:30.480 Like, I felt like, wow.

00:45:32.560 You know...

00:45:32.880 Like it didn't help as much.

00:45:33.780 No, and now it's on the Spanish network, and it's on a lot, and I appreciate that, Nouveau,

00:45:39.080 and so I don't know.

00:45:41.680 I don't know who watches what.

00:45:42.860 So now, I feel like I get more hits off of podcasts, and people will quote stuff I did

00:45:48.620 on a podcast, and so now I just want to do one to just do it, because I have all this

00:45:54.100 new stuff, and I don't even...

00:45:57.120 I just want to make it and just get it on the platform, and they don't have to make

00:46:01.860 it, because, you know, I think my audience will find it.

00:46:04.360 Yeah.

00:46:04.780 You know, it's just another avenue.

00:46:05.820 You used to have one job, two jobs.

00:46:08.260 You know, I don't know.

00:46:09.540 Now you do 15 jobs.

00:46:10.740 Everybody's Ryan Seacrest.

00:46:11.980 Yeah.

00:46:12.440 Right?

00:46:12.580 It's pretty wild.

00:46:13.160 Do you think it's because that the networks and that the production companies don't do

00:46:16.900 what they used to do, or do you think...

00:46:18.880 Because it does seem like a transition of responsibility a little bit, or is that just...

00:46:23.460 Or is there just so many people in the game now?

00:46:31.000 It's so much coming at us every second.

00:46:34.540 Like, if you do...

00:46:35.460 I do this podcast at 2 o'clock, you know.

00:46:38.060 If I don't do another one at 4, I'm out of the business.

00:46:40.520 Yeah.

00:46:40.780 I'm irrelevant.

00:46:42.080 I mean, it's like...

00:46:43.900 It used to be like this.

00:46:45.340 Like, you do things, and you go to the next level.

00:46:48.380 You do stand-up comedy.

00:46:49.600 You blow up in that.

00:46:50.420 Then you do TV, you blow up in that, and then you do movies, and you blow up in that,

00:46:53.800 and then you kind of stay there.

00:46:55.640 And now, you do everything, because everything feeds everything, and there's so much content

00:47:02.480 that you can have different avenues that are very successful.

00:47:07.320 Yeah.

00:47:07.720 And I just think that also, there's just so much stuff that you have to just be out there.

00:47:14.140 Yeah.

00:47:14.420 Am I wrong?

00:47:15.240 I mean...

00:47:15.560 Yeah, it's weird.

00:47:16.080 You gotta stay...

00:47:16.660 Yeah.

00:47:16.980 It's like you have to stay out there to advertise, and...

00:47:19.040 It's not so much doing it as much as just being relevant.

00:47:24.380 Like, I want to say you gotta be good, which you do, but I almost feel like being out there

00:47:28.360 is the new talent, in a way.

00:47:31.060 Does that make...

00:47:31.700 Does that sound...

00:47:32.300 Yeah.

00:47:32.780 I mean, it definitely seems interesting.

00:47:34.260 You know, I never thought about it like that.

00:47:35.600 Think about it, though.

00:47:36.480 Yeah.

00:47:37.200 I mean...

00:47:37.880 Yeah, it's like you want to be out there.

00:47:39.600 But if you want to...

00:47:40.180 But if you're...

00:47:41.040 Like, because some people that I love, I haven't seen in a while, and it's like, is the talent

00:47:45.060 forgetting about them?

00:47:46.000 Yeah.

00:47:46.240 But it's like, you see some of these guys that are doing everything.

00:47:49.480 I mean, The Rock is arguably the biggest movie star in the world.

00:47:52.980 You agree with that?

00:47:53.360 He just got $21 million, which is the topdest I've ever heard of, up front, and then a million

00:47:58.900 dollars to promote the movie on his social media.

00:48:01.540 That's $22 million.

00:48:02.500 Jeez.

00:48:02.940 That's the biggest I've ever heard.

00:48:04.780 And he has a YouTube channel.

00:48:06.220 Yeah.

00:48:06.520 That he actively works on.

00:48:08.120 Yeah.

00:48:08.880 That's incredible.

00:48:10.200 That he doesn't have to do that.

00:48:12.100 He knows that he's just gonna hit every corner.

00:48:15.720 I mean, that is incredible.

00:48:17.960 He's gonna do it all.

00:48:18.720 And he's, I believe, is the master.

00:48:21.560 Do you...

00:48:22.220 Well, I mean, it's so hard for also anyone, especially I feel like more and more these

00:48:25.920 days, to stay...

00:48:27.800 You can't really stay at the height of comedy like you used to be able to.

00:48:31.080 It doesn't seem like.

00:48:32.000 Mm-mm.

00:48:32.520 You know?

00:48:32.880 And I almost think in a strange way that like, Dane Cook was the last guy I feel like

00:48:37.440 that.

00:48:37.780 Because he really hit whatever people want to say about Dane, you know?

00:48:41.020 And I think he's okay.

00:48:42.000 He's kind of...

00:48:42.580 You know, he's never really engaged with me much.

00:48:44.660 He always just seems like he does his own thing.

00:48:46.400 Mm-hmm.

00:48:47.740 But he hit like Steve Martin levels of popularity.

00:48:53.520 Oh, yeah.

00:48:54.260 And then you can't...

00:48:55.900 Dane's an icon.

00:48:56.340 Right.

00:48:56.820 Icon.

00:48:57.220 He was an icon.

00:48:57.840 And you can't stay there, really.

00:48:59.540 There's no...

00:49:00.500 Like, very few comedians have stayed at a level that's...

00:49:04.400 I mean, maybe Chappelle, Chris Rock.

00:49:06.600 Mm-hmm.

00:49:07.840 They're still there.

00:49:08.840 Yeah.

00:49:09.560 Like, but there's so few.

00:49:11.760 Mm-hmm.

00:49:12.260 There's so few.

00:49:13.160 I mean, even...

00:49:14.060 I mean, Bill Burr is like...

00:49:15.060 He's not a celebrity because I think he chooses not to be.

00:49:17.500 I think he likes being...

00:49:18.720 I mean, he's the best comedian, I think, to me.

00:49:21.320 Mm-hmm.

00:49:21.340 I agree.

00:49:22.000 But there's only...

00:49:25.160 It's hard to...

00:49:25.780 It's almost an impossible level to maintain.

00:49:28.220 Mm-hmm.

00:49:28.940 You know?

00:49:29.340 I think you hit...

00:49:30.240 You know, I've never hit those heights.

00:49:32.240 You know, I've done well.

00:49:33.200 But it's like, you hit those heights.

00:49:35.220 I think it is.

00:49:35.920 It's like...

00:49:37.900 Yeah, man.

00:49:38.660 You have...

00:49:39.320 It is hard to stay there.

00:49:42.320 And I...

00:49:42.980 Do you think that you have something to do with that?

00:49:44.700 Because you've had some good heights in your career.

00:49:46.800 You know?

00:49:47.180 Like, I mean, you've been a movie star.

00:49:48.620 Mm-hmm.

00:49:49.140 Do you feel like...

00:49:51.260 That I've taken people down off their heights?

00:49:52.920 What did you say?

00:49:53.260 No.

00:49:53.580 That you...

00:49:54.700 But do you feel like...

00:49:57.100 When you're at that level, is there...

00:49:59.340 Do you...

00:49:59.700 Is there something tangible that you feel like, okay...

00:50:01.580 I can maintain this?

00:50:03.880 Or do you still feel like things are kind of up in the air?

00:50:07.480 Whew.

00:50:08.900 It's...

00:50:09.300 It's...

00:50:09.740 It's moves, man.

00:50:11.200 It's really moves.

00:50:12.660 It's like...

00:50:13.680 It's chess, right?

00:50:15.060 You like...

00:50:16.840 You know...

00:50:17.600 Get a part.

00:50:18.840 And then...

00:50:19.800 You get another part.

00:50:20.660 And another part.

00:50:21.380 And one part feeds another part.

00:50:23.320 And it's literally like...

00:50:24.300 Ooh! 0.96

00:50:24.620 What about this guy?

00:50:25.240 I just saw him in this.

00:50:26.140 See him in this.

00:50:26.640 See him in this, right?

00:50:27.620 So it's like momentum, inertia.

00:50:29.640 And then you start moving up.

00:50:32.920 And then you get a leading part.

00:50:34.580 And then if that works, then you get another leading part.

00:50:36.920 Was that scary when you started to get those?

00:50:38.500 Was that scary?

00:50:40.000 No, man.

00:50:40.780 I always wanted that.

00:50:41.700 That was exciting.

00:50:42.720 Yeah.

00:50:43.020 But...

00:50:43.540 And it's basically like...

00:50:46.200 You feel...

00:50:47.540 I'll tell you this.

00:50:48.180 You feel that it will last forever.

00:50:52.940 You definitely feel like...

00:50:54.220 I felt like that.

00:50:55.020 Because stuff was coming so easy to me.

00:51:00.480 And I mean, it doesn't mean I don't work hard.

00:51:02.360 No.

00:51:02.540 I mean, I did a lot of stuff.

00:51:03.560 But I mean, once I was on that grind, I'm doing every talk show.

00:51:08.460 I'm taking every studio pitch meeting.

00:51:11.240 I'm getting...

00:51:12.160 You know, I'm selling every script.

00:51:14.300 And it was like that.

00:51:15.880 But then once, you know, something doesn't work or...

00:51:20.020 It's like, if something doesn't work critically, but it works commercially, you're good.

00:51:26.320 Reluctantly good, I would say.

00:51:28.040 Like, all right, we got to deal with them because we can't turn down money.

00:51:30.940 It is against Hollywood's, you know, DNA to turn down money.

00:51:34.880 Right.

00:51:35.160 You know that.

00:51:35.680 And it's business.

00:51:36.540 Yes.

00:51:37.280 But if something critically doesn't work box office, but it's a critic, darling, you're also good.

00:51:42.900 So if something doesn't work critically and doesn't work commercially, and then, you know, that turnover rate, because you think about it.

00:51:51.600 People got to make the lights.

00:51:52.720 They got to keep the lights on.

00:51:54.140 So it's like, boom, you're not working.

00:51:56.860 It's, let's go to next.

00:51:58.460 Let's go to next.

00:51:59.100 And then if someone else, because there's always somebody right there in that dugout.

00:52:02.820 Right.

00:52:03.460 And bam, if they step in.

00:52:06.520 And they get a hit.

00:52:07.580 Boom.

00:52:08.040 It's on.

00:52:08.640 And then you kind of kind of, you know, you go down the farm leagues.

00:52:11.960 Yeah. 1.00

00:52:12.180 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:52:12.540 I mean, I've been in the Ecuador leagues. 1.00

00:52:14.180 I've been doing time in Turkey.

00:52:15.900 But, you know, I'm slowly, I'm coming back.

00:52:18.700 You know what I mean?

00:52:19.080 I'm in like a double A ball right now.

00:52:20.920 You know, I'm triple A.

00:52:21.820 I'm playing for like, you know, the Tampa Bay, you know, Grizzlies, one of those leagues.

00:52:26.900 Did you get like.

00:52:28.040 The tall daddies.

00:52:28.760 Oh, yeah.

00:52:29.360 You know.

00:52:29.720 I think of Louisiana.

00:52:30.580 Yeah, Louisiana.

00:52:31.420 Well, what do we have?

00:52:31.940 We have the New Orleans has the baby cakes. 1.00

00:52:33.560 Baby cakes.

00:52:34.200 I'm like that team.

00:52:35.160 Yeah.

00:52:35.600 And they're a good team.

00:52:36.900 They have some good fans.

00:52:37.840 They got Wednesday night.

00:52:38.700 They got those free Franks. 0.96

00:52:40.440 Free Frank night.

00:52:41.240 Free Frank night.

00:52:42.560 Do you like.

00:52:44.460 What about like ego and stuff where you're at that level?

00:52:46.780 Do you notice your ego changes?

00:52:48.200 Like, I think ego is such this strange thing.

00:52:50.820 It's like out of our control sometimes almost.

00:52:52.940 Did you notice yourself get an ego or do you always feel like kind of the same?

00:52:55.980 Or did you.

00:52:57.240 Like, what was that some of that like?

00:52:58.640 Not in a bad way.

00:52:59.220 I'm not judging you.

00:52:59.980 I think.

00:53:00.720 Whatever you want.

00:53:01.420 Yeah.

00:53:01.700 Go ahead.

00:53:01.960 Ask what you want.

00:53:02.780 And I'm going to answer it.

00:53:03.720 Was my ego like?

00:53:04.640 Yeah.

00:53:04.880 No, I'm not.

00:53:05.740 Dude, I love you, man.

00:53:08.700 I think the first thing that came to my mind when you said that was, I was right.

00:53:14.620 I was right.

00:53:15.640 Like, because you struggle, you know, and you try to come up and you're coming up and you're

00:53:19.400 like, yeah, I am on the right path.

00:53:21.800 Yeah.

00:53:22.100 I'm supposed to do this.

00:53:23.220 I can see that.

00:53:23.700 Yeah.

00:53:24.280 This is working.

00:53:27.440 I mean, I will tell you this.

00:53:30.020 I don't.

00:53:30.480 I mean, I guess, yeah, my ego is large.

00:53:34.920 I've eaten so much humble pie.

00:53:37.080 I was talking to Bobby Lee about this and now I'm like, I want to.

00:53:42.240 I don't.

00:53:42.720 I mean, I still got an ego, but I really can't.

00:53:45.360 I've been checked.

00:53:46.680 Yeah.

00:53:46.900 I've been chin checked.

00:53:47.720 Yeah.

00:53:47.940 You know what I mean?

00:53:48.460 And it's really good for me because now I feel like, boom, I'm not, I don't want to

00:53:54.660 say this, people take it the wrong way, but I like hit my bottom.

00:53:56.940 Yeah.

00:53:57.240 You know what I mean?

00:53:57.740 And there's nothing you can do to grow.

00:53:58.880 I've seen so much and seen so little.

00:54:01.800 Yeah.

00:54:02.240 And so the only thing I can think of, the only, what you're saying there is patience at times

00:54:09.020 because you're doing so much, you're doing a movie, you're doing a TV show, you're playing,

00:54:14.920 you know, 3000 people out of college and you're like, yo, I gotta go.

00:54:18.340 I gotta go.

00:54:19.140 And you're, you know, flying on a private jet and you're like, so it's like you're doing

00:54:23.260 stuff.

00:54:23.800 Yeah.

00:54:24.000 And you're, and you're seeing it around and you're just like, let's go, let's go, let's

00:54:26.720 go.

00:54:26.920 So sometimes you can be curt, you can be short and people get butt hurt.

00:54:30.480 And then, but I've always made sure, Hey, I'm sorry, blah, blah, blah.

00:54:34.360 Yeah.

00:54:34.900 Um, but I've always, I think I've maintained simple thing, but definitely your ego, Hollywood

00:54:41.020 doesn't make you more.

00:54:42.580 It just exposes who you are.

00:54:44.060 And generally I'm a, I'm a good guy, but I definitely have, you know, crazy moments.

00:54:49.420 I mean, I'm definitely living and, and I do think though that you have, um, creativity

00:54:56.180 though.

00:54:56.660 I don't care.

00:54:57.340 This is what annoys me where people get the role is difficult.

00:55:01.740 And, um, I think there's times I've had some creative fights with people and other times

00:55:05.940 it's gone swimmingly, but it's creative, man.

00:55:07.960 Yeah.

00:55:08.080 And that, this is the sandbox.

00:55:09.280 And that's what I don't like about our business.

00:55:10.860 Now people ratting out what's going on a set.

00:55:13.100 Oh, this person did this.

00:55:14.000 This person did that.

00:55:14.960 There's a difference between somebody being really difficult for unnecessary reasons and

00:55:18.400 people that are trying to create something great.

00:55:20.060 Yeah.

00:55:20.680 And when that happens, you know what I mean?

00:55:22.860 Cause we're not there to make friends.

00:55:24.360 We're there to make something great.

00:55:25.420 And then if we happen to become friends after it, God bless it.

00:55:28.660 That's what I feel.

00:55:29.700 And there's people like that, but some people get difficult, but then there's other people

00:55:32.540 that are difficult, that super successful.

00:55:34.480 They don't get difficult because they're successful.

00:55:37.100 Yeah.

00:55:37.220 Like Picasso or Van Gogh. 0.99

00:55:38.480 Van Gogh was difficult as fuck. 1.00

00:55:39.640 Dude cut off his own fucking ear. 1.00

00:55:41.160 Yeah. 1.00

00:55:41.600 But he also did great work. 0.99

00:55:43.180 Picasso fucked a 20 year old, had a baby and was 91. 0.99

00:55:45.740 Yeah. 0.99

00:55:46.100 I mean, see, this is a deeper conversation.

00:55:48.900 I don't want to go off the rails down the rabbit hole.

00:55:50.860 But it's like, people want, everybody has a choice.

00:55:54.680 No, you don't.

00:55:56.120 Everybody's special.

00:55:57.100 No, you're not.

00:55:57.960 Yeah.

00:55:58.300 Okay.

00:55:58.680 People are like, people want everybody to be all clean and normal and everybody well

00:56:04.720 behaved.

00:56:05.380 No. 1.00

00:56:05.700 Kurt Cobain fucking blew his brains out when he's 24. 0.99

00:56:09.020 But guess what? 1.00

00:56:09.980 You got bleach.

00:56:11.080 Yeah.

00:56:11.540 You got in utero.

00:56:13.320 Okay. 1.00

00:56:14.020 Sid Vicious fucking gave you the sex pistols. 1.00

00:56:16.840 He wasn't great at taxes. 1.00

00:56:18.580 Yeah.

00:56:19.140 You know what I'm saying?

00:56:20.260 Amy Winehouse.

00:56:21.180 She died at 27.

00:56:22.440 Yeah.

00:56:22.860 But you got rehab.

00:56:24.380 You got this.

00:56:25.540 Like, so everybody wants everything to be perfect.

00:56:28.780 It can't be.

00:56:29.200 And to me, amazing artists, if they're a well put together person too, God bless it.

00:56:34.840 The ones I know, most of them that I love aren't.

00:56:38.020 Yeah.

00:56:38.220 It's not the way it happens.

00:56:39.040 And that's who they are.

00:56:40.560 But guess what? 1.00

00:56:41.760 You get a fucking painting. 1.00

00:56:43.400 Yeah. 1.00

00:56:44.160 You get just the 10 of us.

00:56:45.300 Remember that show?

00:56:46.760 Yeah.

00:56:46.980 Yeah.

00:56:47.800 That was a good one.

00:56:48.480 Remember that TV show?

00:56:49.440 Who was that?

00:56:50.500 Dude had 10 daughters, bro.

00:56:53.560 But I don't know what you're saying.

00:56:54.460 Yeah.

00:56:54.580 You get William Wallace.

00:56:55.760 Like, sure. 0.99

00:56:56.380 Mel Gibson might be, he might have some fucking racial issues, right? 0.99

00:56:59.540 Or some, you know, judicial issues. 0.99

00:57:01.820 Not religious issues.

00:57:03.480 Yeah. 0.99

00:57:03.720 But you get fucking William Wallace. 0.99

00:57:06.280 Yeah. 0.99

00:57:06.720 But he's good on horseback.

00:57:07.860 You know what I'm saying?

00:57:08.360 Right on horseback.

00:57:09.120 But, you know, he-

00:57:10.880 It's like, I'm not justifying it, but am I?

00:57:13.980 I don't know.

00:57:14.440 You tell me.

00:57:14.860 No.

00:57:15.260 Look, every, it's, you, here's what you want.

00:57:17.180 If people punch me in the face, but they're amazing at it, amazing comedian, or a singer,

00:57:22.340 go for it.

00:57:23.640 Like, Joan Rivers said she didn't like Rodney Dangerfield, I read something, but she would

00:57:27.440 never miss his set.

00:57:28.820 And that's how I am, man.

00:57:30.160 Somebody can hate me, call me names, spit my eyeball. 0.57

00:57:33.500 If they're great at what they do, I'll still be there.

00:57:35.700 Yeah.

00:57:36.220 Because, you know, right?

00:57:37.640 Am I wrong?

00:57:38.120 Is that? 1.00

00:57:39.080 I separate that shit. 0.99

00:57:41.120 Dude, I feel like you've always been one of the nicer people that I've ever met, man. 0.99

00:57:44.340 Thank you, buddy.

00:57:44.920 For sure, everybody says that, I feel like.

00:57:46.580 Really?

00:57:47.000 Yeah, and you're so funny.

00:57:48.540 Thank you, buddy.

00:57:49.320 Yeah, I just love seeing you, like, you know, just from my little perspective, just dig into

00:57:54.320 it. 0.92

00:57:54.580 Like, I'm like, damn, this dude's coming back at, you know, or not coming back, but he's, 0.98

00:57:58.560 you know, he's fighting back. 0.98

00:58:00.400 But you're not wrong.

00:58:01.000 And I feel like a lot of people think, I don't know if they do, like, do people think I'm an

00:58:04.820 actor doing comedy?

00:58:06.560 Because I am an actor.

00:58:07.780 And I got famous as an actor.

00:58:10.680 And you were young.

00:58:11.420 But I did start as a comedian.

00:58:12.940 Yeah.

00:58:13.100 Like, Chris Spencer did something, he said something to me so funny a couple months ago.

00:58:16.460 He's like, yeah, man.

00:58:17.180 He's like, it happened quick for you.

00:58:18.740 He's like, I think you did eight sets.

00:58:22.000 Which is true, but I was doing a lot of open mic.

00:58:24.680 Right.

00:58:24.940 And then, like, my club back then was, you know, I would do the store, but only, like,

00:58:30.380 in the potluck.

00:58:31.300 Yeah.

00:58:31.580 You know, and hang out there in the back, you know, with that one trainee.

00:58:34.680 Yeah.

00:58:35.140 You know, you're always trying to get on.

00:58:36.480 But the improv would have showcase nights, and the factory was, and I'm telling you, once

00:58:40.880 I waited in line, like, 12 times in the factory.

00:58:44.200 And then Jamie and my side was like, but I did not Mario in.

00:58:47.840 And my first showcase, like, I did get a commercial agent.

00:58:50.940 Wow.

00:58:51.280 So, I was lucky, and then the improv, my third, like, showcase, I did, like, get an agent.

00:58:55.920 So, getting on these little showcases.

00:58:58.640 That helped.

00:58:59.100 Yeah.

00:58:59.380 So, I didn't really work up, and then once I got busy.

00:59:02.180 So, you had a fast rise.

00:59:02.980 I mean, you did.

00:59:03.420 But, no, I was on open mics for a long time.

00:59:05.380 Right.

00:59:05.560 In the clubs, I didn't really get in, but then once I started getting successful, then

00:59:10.600 I was able to do that more.

00:59:11.620 But then I went right to colleges.

00:59:13.240 Yeah.

00:59:13.540 So, I literally started with, like, 30 minutes in colleges, and I had to work on that.

00:59:17.420 And then, like, guys like Saga would let me over for him, and Craig Shoemaker, and, you

00:59:20.920 know, Rick Overton, and they taught me a lot, because it was OGs.

00:59:25.040 But, I did start as a comic, and then I just got successful.

00:59:28.460 But now, I feel like, you know, there's that, oh, this guy's doing that.

00:59:31.580 It used to be, well, you're an actor doing comedy, but now, everybody's trying it.

00:59:35.640 Yeah.

00:59:35.780 Which is, yeah, good, man.

00:59:37.120 You express yourself.

00:59:38.780 Yeah, everybody's trying it.

00:59:39.760 I mean, I think, yeah, I think the ones that stick with it are the ones that are, you

00:59:42.840 know, can do it, stay in it.

00:59:45.040 Yeah.

00:59:45.400 You know, I find.

00:59:46.420 Just like anything.

00:59:47.160 I go on the road, and, like, thanks to Bobby Lee, and saying, you gotta, like, just do

00:59:52.280 town.

00:59:52.640 And town is hotter than it's ever been, than I know of.

00:59:55.400 I think for three years.

00:59:56.800 I mean, the clubs are booming.

00:59:58.760 And every star you see doing 10 minutes, and I feel that it's good for me, and it just

01:00:05.500 makes me better on the road.

01:00:06.680 But I just realized this weekend, I was doing killer shows sold out.

01:00:10.400 Wow.

01:00:11.060 In Tacoma, which was bomb.

01:00:12.880 It's awesome up there.

01:00:13.960 It's amazing.

01:00:15.420 Did you go to Spokane as well?

01:00:16.500 Oh, yeah.

01:00:17.180 Yeah.

01:00:17.720 They're best-run clubs, man.

01:00:19.520 They really are.

01:00:20.260 They do a great job up there.

01:00:21.680 They keep that drawer, those things, the Pac-Man machine, little now and laters, those big

01:00:26.520 tootsies.

01:00:27.660 But as much as I was having a great time there, I still was like, I gotta get back to town.

01:00:33.800 Yeah.

01:00:34.280 Because.

01:00:35.020 I gotta work.

01:00:35.620 I gotta be in the mix.

01:00:38.720 Right?

01:00:39.440 And that's what I learned.

01:00:40.520 Dude, Harry Basil, he opened up for Rodney Dangerfield for a long time, and he told me one

01:00:44.600 time, he goes, look, man, he said, the road will always be there.

01:00:48.180 He goes, get out there and make your rent where you got to, make your little money here

01:00:51.500 and there.

01:00:52.220 He goes, but if you want to be in it, you gotta be in it.

01:00:55.300 Yeah.

01:00:55.700 And I think there's still some truth to that.

01:00:57.960 You know, it's like, you have a set.

01:00:59.900 You just don't know who's gonna be in there sometimes.

01:01:02.160 I know.

01:01:02.780 You just don't know.

01:01:03.340 I mean, I walked in the comedy store one night, and Jim Carrey was sitting there watching

01:01:06.920 the comedians who were going up, and that's how he cast the show Dying Up Here.

01:01:12.180 Wow. 0.99

01:01:12.920 And I performed, and I was nervous as fuck, dude. 0.98

01:01:15.820 And it wasn't for them, and that's, you know, and that was that, and I felt dejected. 0.98

01:01:20.120 I felt.

01:01:21.000 Wait, did you know he was there?

01:01:22.600 Yeah.

01:01:23.120 So it was a special night?

01:01:24.700 Yeah, I pull up, and the parking lot guy's like, Jim's here.

01:01:27.280 Was it packed?

01:01:28.320 I'm like, Jim who?

01:01:30.040 And he's like, Jim Carrey. 0.98

01:01:31.820 And I'm like, we'll fucking say Jim Carrey. 0.98

01:01:33.960 Yeah, I know. 0.98

01:01:34.740 Are you tight with Jim?

01:01:36.240 We've never seen him here before.

01:01:38.900 I hate that when people do that.

01:01:41.380 It's like, somebody did that to me the other day.

01:01:43.400 Well, she's like, you know, Rhonda. 0.93

01:01:44.880 And I'm like, who's Rhonda?

01:01:45.640 He's like, my niece. 0.99

01:01:46.360 I'm like, I don't know fucking Rhonda. 1.00

01:01:48.240 Fucking give a, yeah, okay. 1.00

01:01:50.140 Somebody's like, Jesus. 1.00

01:01:51.220 And I'm like, Jesus Christ?

01:01:52.860 Like, yeah.

01:01:53.500 No, the valet.

01:01:54.300 Yeah.

01:01:55.480 So wait.

01:01:56.400 But yeah, it's like, you never, you just, you don't know.

01:01:58.360 So you want to be in town.

01:01:59.120 And that's, I mean, I get nervous all the time when I have to leave town. 0.98

01:02:01.540 I'm like, fuck, what if I miss that set that's, you know. 0.94

01:02:04.280 I guess maybe you do think somebody could still see you on stage and things could change for you. 1.00

01:02:08.620 Dude, fucking, for me, shit. 1.00

01:02:10.580 I mean, Quentin Tarantino's at the store. 1.00

01:02:12.320 Yeah.

01:02:12.720 I mean, he's got one of the greatest movies he's about to make.

01:02:15.500 You know, so I agree with you.

01:02:16.960 But it's, and it's also becoming so much like, you know, improv, going up late.

01:02:22.380 You know, you get to work.

01:02:23.860 You know, you get to do more than, you know, you're 15, maybe do 30.

01:02:26.620 You know, the lab or, you know, the OR.

01:02:29.700 Yeah.

01:02:30.080 It's just, it feels like comedy where it is, where it's like, I love going up 1231.

01:02:36.700 Yeah.

01:02:37.160 You know, and just working it, jazzing it.

01:02:40.080 Yeah, you can have a little more free time.

01:02:41.500 Mm-hmm.

01:02:41.900 Man, well, I love seeing you at the close, man, and I appreciate you're always, you're

01:02:45.440 always supportive and say nice things, man, and I just really appreciate that.

01:02:48.320 Well, I appreciate you, man.

01:02:49.620 Yeah.

01:02:50.120 I mean.

01:02:50.360 I think people appreciate that about you, man.

01:02:52.600 Well, it's, it's, it's a beautiful time, and I just want to do, you know, I want to

01:02:57.100 respect the art and just, it's, it's awesome.

01:03:01.360 I mean, for people out there watching and listening, it's like, I don't know, I probably equate

01:03:07.260 it to Seattle 92.

01:03:08.720 Yeah.

01:03:09.000 I mean.

01:03:09.440 I thought you were going to say Cialis, bro.

01:03:11.180 Cialis 92.

01:03:11.700 When you started off on that word, dude. 0.99

01:03:13.320 Early Cialis was very fucking. 0.99

01:03:15.660 Yeah. 0.98

01:03:16.180 God, I'm glad they remixed it.

01:03:18.220 Yeah.

01:03:18.840 Right?

01:03:19.220 It was too strong?

01:03:20.140 It was strong, yeah.

01:03:21.200 But is that where you were, Seattle 92?

01:03:23.180 No, I'm saying all the bands.

01:03:24.200 Oh, for the grunge bands.

01:03:25.200 Grunge, man.

01:03:25.880 Yeah.

01:03:26.060 You walk here, Alice in Change was here, Nirvana was here, Eddie Vedder's over there. 0.97

01:03:30.140 Shit, even Silverchair, I think, did a bit. 0.99

01:03:32.180 I know they're Australian, you know. 1.00

01:03:33.360 Yeah, but they stopped by.

01:03:34.500 Yeah, right?

01:03:35.240 They had that song, Anna.

01:03:36.400 Who else?

01:03:36.840 Alien Ant Farm?

01:03:37.680 Alien Ant Farm.

01:03:38.800 Bunch of Bond Farm.

01:03:40.140 But you go to local coffee shop, you never know.

01:03:41.940 Paul Reiser.

01:03:42.640 Paul Reiser was there, right?

01:03:46.060 So I just, I'm lucky to, you know, I do.

01:03:48.460 That's one thing where I get grateful just to go on these stages.

01:03:53.040 You seem grateful.

01:03:54.120 Super grateful.

01:03:54.940 But was there a period where you weren't?

01:03:56.340 Was there a period where you got in the dumps or anything? 0.98

01:03:58.540 No, I was just like, fuck yeah, of course I'm going to be on this stage. 0.98

01:04:01.440 You're lucky to have me. 0.99

01:04:02.340 Yeah.

01:04:02.700 You know what I mean?

01:04:03.320 Yeah.

01:04:03.440 Because it's like if you're in a movie or in a TV show, it's like, yeah, I'll come down.

01:04:06.480 And it's like, whoa. 1.00

01:04:07.340 And then, you know, somebody kick you in the dick. 0.99

01:04:09.700 And then you're doing, you know, a half an hour in a bowling alley in Toledo, which I'd 0.99

01:04:14.040 done.

01:04:14.460 Yeah.

01:04:14.700 You know? 0.98

01:04:15.120 And people get pissed off and fucking throw a chair or somebody in the audience. 0.98

01:04:18.760 And you're like, whoa, wait a minute. 0.98

01:04:20.260 I got to readjust.

01:04:22.040 I'm not exactly where I thought I was.

01:04:23.960 So then you see, you know, you go back and you're like, oh, I'm so happy to be where

01:04:29.600 I am.

01:04:30.020 Yeah.

01:04:30.480 Because in here.

01:04:31.220 Yeah.

01:04:31.740 I'm not.

01:04:33.120 It's it's it.

01:04:34.400 Everything has time, you know, where clubs are hot and they're cold and artists are hot

01:04:38.740 and cold.

01:04:39.240 I mean, because all, you know, clubs get hot and cold.

01:04:41.420 Oh, yeah.

01:04:42.000 And now it's just everything is gelling.

01:04:44.240 And the podcast is so hot.

01:04:46.380 Netflix is so hot.

01:04:47.640 Streaming is so hot.

01:04:48.740 More comedians are great.

01:04:50.120 But and that's just it's possible.

01:04:53.140 Yeah.

01:04:53.320 I'm just lucky to be in the stream.

01:04:55.640 Yeah, man.

01:04:56.220 And that's what it is now.

01:04:57.360 And there's a great I don't want to go too down the rabbit hole, but there's a great talk.

01:05:03.220 You know what the sharing economy is, right?

01:05:05.800 So the sharing economy is where we were.

01:05:08.960 It's basically what's going on right now.

01:05:12.280 It's Uber.

01:05:14.260 It's, you know, Airbnb.

01:05:15.980 OK.

01:05:16.300 It's like owning is is out.

01:05:19.500 Yeah.

01:05:20.260 Millennials are going to disrupt credit cards. 1.00

01:05:21.960 They're disrupting Captain Crunch.

01:05:23.480 You know, you read all the stuff that millennials.

01:05:25.180 Yeah.

01:05:25.520 He's a first mate now.

01:05:26.500 I heard.

01:05:26.900 Yeah.

01:05:27.100 He is string cheese. 0.99

01:05:28.280 They're not eating string cheese and they're fucking it up. 0.99

01:05:30.040 Right. 0.83

01:05:30.480 Because they don't want to have any debt.

01:05:32.040 They want to be cash.

01:05:32.940 Boom.

01:05:33.360 Postmates.

01:05:33.840 Blah, blah, blah.

01:05:34.460 Venmo.

01:05:35.940 So you share.

01:05:37.960 So there's this video. 0.98

01:05:39.640 Damn, I wish I could find it. 0.99

01:05:40.740 I'll tell it to you. 0.99

01:05:41.360 But it talks about two generations.

01:05:43.320 And the old generation was like, it was get what you could.

01:05:47.980 Right.

01:05:48.340 And kind of like, I don't want to say step on your fellow man, but yo.

01:05:52.500 Get yours.

01:05:53.440 Limited resources.

01:05:54.760 Get this hat.

01:05:55.500 Get four hats.

01:05:56.380 Yeah.

01:05:56.720 Get nine hats.

01:05:57.500 You got one head.

01:05:58.180 You need nine hats.

01:05:58.940 Yeah.

01:05:59.260 And it's out of that recession era.

01:06:01.300 Right.

01:06:01.940 And then my generation is like, gets that, but it's also half.

01:06:09.180 I got my first computer like 23 and I'm 47.

01:06:12.940 So it's like half my life.

01:06:14.420 Right.

01:06:14.660 So now half of me is like, understands the tech.

01:06:17.980 And so I'm like, get that.

01:06:20.820 But also like, ooh, share.

01:06:22.620 The old generation, the new generation is all like, yo, a little bit here, a little bit there.

01:06:28.620 So if you notice, it's, the sense of community to me is bigger than it's ever been in terms of things I see.

01:06:36.640 I see more artists collaborating in music, right?

01:06:41.380 I see comedians.

01:06:42.100 Teamwork.

01:06:42.900 Yes.

01:06:43.600 And look at, look at the Avengers.

01:06:46.640 Everyone in those people would, are movie stars in their own right.

01:06:50.280 But the 12 people are starring in a movie together.

01:06:53.140 And that's, that model of Marvel is a model for, I think, art in Hollywood.

01:07:01.300 Is that right?

01:07:01.720 Is that?

01:07:02.200 Yeah.

01:07:02.480 It's like, look, let's put our minds together instead of just ride one.

01:07:04.920 Yeah.

01:07:05.440 And it's, and it's beautiful.

01:07:06.700 And I'm in the middle now, but I'm really going to this generation of like, yo, man, jump on.

01:07:11.600 Yeah.

01:07:11.980 It's not, you know, the Jamie Kennedy train.

01:07:14.060 Right.

01:07:14.520 It's, you know, be a.

01:07:15.740 It's the Polar Express.

01:07:16.820 Yeah. 0.99

01:07:17.180 And we're all fucking chili bears. 0.99

01:07:18.580 Hang on. 0.99

01:07:19.320 Yeah.

01:07:19.580 You know what I mean?

01:07:20.540 Yeah.

01:07:20.880 A little go to this cart.

01:07:22.920 Yeah.

01:07:28.420 Yo, you got cut out that one part.

01:07:30.320 Dude, we're not cutting out anything.

01:07:31.800 I thought this was a fun conversation.

01:07:32.840 Did you?

01:07:33.600 I'm not sure which part he was talking about, but I thought it's all fair game.

01:07:36.180 Yeah.

01:07:36.640 I thought everything was chill.

01:07:37.600 What time?

01:07:37.980 What time are we at, Nick?

01:07:39.300 We are at three 30 exactly.

01:07:41.240 Oh, man.

01:07:41.820 Take some Instagram questions.

01:07:43.820 Yeah.

01:07:44.080 Yeah.

01:07:44.240 Let's take a couple of Instagram questions, man.

01:07:45.880 So, you mentioned earlier, Eddie Murphy was one of your heroes.

01:07:48.880 Yeah.

01:07:49.340 Someone asked about working in Bowfinger with him and Steve Martin.

01:07:53.640 What was that like?

01:07:55.000 Who was funniest out of the two of them?

01:07:57.120 Oh, come on. 0.87

01:07:57.800 I thought, who was the funniest?

01:07:58.800 Oh, well, how about this?

01:08:00.180 Who was funniest on set?

01:08:01.400 Yeah.

01:08:01.520 That's a totally different thing.

01:08:02.400 Well, that's from Ad, infinitely interesting.

01:08:05.140 Okay, Ad.

01:08:06.020 So, first of all, you're talking about icon and icon.

01:08:09.180 I mean, he's talking about, you know, the heist.

01:08:10.880 I mean, this is Steve Martin is the first arena comedian.

01:08:14.980 Eddie was the second.

01:08:16.080 Yeah.

01:08:16.200 Like, Dice was the third.

01:08:17.980 And Dane was, like, the fifth.

01:08:21.000 Yeah.

01:08:21.280 You know, so it's incredible.

01:08:23.960 Here's what's great about it.

01:08:26.980 They're both do what they do in front of the camera amazingly well and hilarious.

01:08:33.360 And off camera, chill.

01:08:35.320 And that's, I totally get it.

01:08:37.420 I got it then, but I really get it now.

01:08:39.900 Who had more, do you think they had more, like, who do you think got more hot chicks, 1.00

01:08:45.140 you think, out of those two?

01:08:46.200 I think, I mean, Steve Martin said this great quote to me once.

01:08:55.320 And, you know, he said that at the height of his fame, he was a rock star without the girls.

01:09:06.540 Because I think he was so big when he meant by that.

01:09:09.740 And so many people were throwing themselves at him and women.

01:09:11.640 And he just would go to his hotel room because it was mania.

01:09:15.660 I couldn't even get an erection of if that, if you know somebody's banging on the door while you're trying to, I could, you know what I'm saying? 0.57

01:09:21.320 That would be the worst, my worst nightmare. 0.81

01:09:23.360 I think that they. 1.00

01:09:24.100 People chasing me to fuck. 1.00

01:09:25.340 Yeah. 1.00

01:09:25.640 I couldn't do it.

01:09:26.200 He did well, but I think that, I didn't really ask Eddie, but I didn't really ask Steve either, but he told me that.

01:09:30.020 I just remember that was amazing.

01:09:31.120 He was so huge that he had to be isolated.

01:09:35.420 Yeah.

01:09:35.940 Wow.

01:09:36.060 Which is incredible.

01:09:37.860 Which is what I'm talking about, how it's changed.

01:09:40.060 Yes.

01:09:40.480 He couldn't walk down Sunset.

01:09:42.580 Yeah.

01:09:42.840 You know what I'm saying?

01:09:44.440 Is that, because less avenues, one thing gets it.

01:09:49.880 Bah! 0.97

01:09:50.380 It's like, we're all going for oil.

01:09:51.880 You strike.

01:09:52.900 Pow! 0.91

01:09:53.300 But now.

01:09:54.060 Now you got to have dinosaur bones.

01:09:55.500 You got to have time.

01:09:56.340 You got to have soil.

01:09:57.440 Yeah.

01:09:57.920 You got to have piping.

01:09:59.040 And then you get oil.

01:10:00.240 Solar.

01:10:00.780 But wait.

01:10:01.080 Yeah.

01:10:01.300 You got to have all of that.

01:10:02.760 But you hit one.

01:10:03.900 It's a big spout.

01:10:04.900 But now I feel like people are hitting.

01:10:06.740 And there's some good sized spouts.

01:10:08.000 But there's littler spouts.

01:10:09.360 Do you agree with that?

01:10:10.500 Yeah.

01:10:10.600 You're just xylophoning.

01:10:12.500 Pipeline is in.

01:10:13.980 It's dispersed.

01:10:15.080 Yeah.

01:10:15.780 Dispersed.

01:10:16.540 Paul Reiser.

01:10:17.620 Yeah.

01:10:18.380 Dispersed by Paul Reiser.

01:10:19.520 Sounds like a point you would write, doesn't it?

01:10:21.520 Wasn't he in My Two Dads?

01:10:23.740 My Two Dads, yeah.

01:10:24.640 And that was good, dude.

01:10:25.800 That was the 80s.

01:10:27.080 One of the greatest.

01:10:28.180 And also one of the only.

01:10:29.920 That would be like a Me Too.

01:10:31.620 Yeah.

01:10:32.200 Like a warning video now.

01:10:33.260 Yeah.

01:10:33.440 Two men living with a girl.

01:10:34.700 And one of them is allegedly related to her or something.

01:10:36.560 Yeah.

01:10:36.840 She always had the young boyfriends over.

01:10:39.320 Yeah.

01:10:39.720 That was a tricky deal.

01:10:42.300 Let's take another one, Nick.

01:10:43.260 What do we got?

01:10:43.960 All right.

01:10:45.480 At jhustle37, he wants to know some basketball takes in you.

01:10:49.140 Who's the GOAT?

01:10:50.000 Kobe, MJ, or LeBron?

01:10:54.140 Yeah.

01:10:55.140 Yeah, dude.

01:10:55.700 Didn't you play in like a celebrity all-star game?

01:10:57.580 How do you know?

01:10:58.400 Because I remember watching that on television.

01:11:00.240 No.

01:11:00.520 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:11:01.060 I was not bad from the three.

01:11:02.860 Yeah? 0.89

01:11:03.240 I had a couple of garbage points.

01:11:04.300 Who was the MVP of that game?

01:11:07.000 Do you remember?

01:11:10.480 I was before Hart.

01:11:11.680 Hart was getting a lot.

01:11:12.720 He was racking.

01:11:13.160 He racked up like four.

01:11:14.300 Yeah, but people were holding him up by the hoop.

01:11:15.780 Wasn't Shaq holding him up?

01:11:16.940 Yeah, he got help.

01:11:18.140 And then I think Bieber got one.

01:11:19.780 I think this was around 07.

01:11:23.480 I want maybe Mark Blukas.

01:11:24.780 Mark Blukas look him up.

01:11:25.880 He's a legit baller.

01:11:27.080 He's an actor, but he's on Wake Forest.

01:11:28.640 Who is the better?

01:11:31.240 I mean, what is the quote?

01:11:32.760 Dude, that's the hardest question in the world, but to me, there's only one.

01:11:36.360 Jordan.

01:11:37.200 Yeah.

01:11:38.040 100%.

01:11:38.360 Here's why.

01:11:40.100 I don't want to piss people off or whatever.

01:11:43.040 Piss them off. 0.99

01:11:43.640 If they don't agree, that doesn't mean they have to get pissed and fucking pull their truck over. 1.00

01:11:46.660 Don't pull your truck over. 0.97

01:11:47.620 Yeah.

01:11:48.040 But last night, LeBron, he got beat.

01:11:50.220 He did everything in his power.

01:11:51.600 Here's why I think LeBron is just a little off.

01:11:55.280 And he's an amazing superhuman.

01:11:57.080 Yeah, he's good.

01:11:58.920 He lost last night.

01:12:00.240 His team lost.

01:12:00.980 And he goes, it's not going to affect my life.

01:12:04.040 You know, I'm going to go home.

01:12:05.760 We're going to figure out the next game.

01:12:07.060 It's not going to affect my life.

01:12:09.120 No.

01:12:10.360 That's what I don't want to see. 0.99

01:12:11.580 I want to see, god damn it. 0.99

01:12:13.300 Yeah. 1.00

01:12:13.720 These fucking, I dropped 40 fucking two points. 1.00

01:12:17.160 These guys, I fucking, I'm on the weak side. 1.00

01:12:19.720 I'm on the left side. 0.99

01:12:20.500 These guys are good, man. 0.98

01:12:22.160 I'm so fucking pissed. 0.97

01:12:24.720 Yeah. 1.00

01:12:24.920 I got to go in there and I got to just jam on motherfuckers. 1.00

01:12:28.260 Yeah. 1.00

01:12:28.360 That's what I want to see.

01:12:29.140 I wish he did that.

01:12:30.820 Yeah.

01:12:31.440 And that's not who he is.

01:12:32.860 But that's, but MJ, that's the one thing for me.

01:12:36.940 He will eat your aorta, bro.

01:12:40.300 Yeah. 1.00

01:12:40.960 I heard that motherfucker didn't like to lose in penny tossing. 1.00

01:12:44.200 Like he didn't, you know, you know, Twizzler eating. 1.00

01:12:48.140 He would eat it quick.

01:12:49.160 I mean, he would bet this. 0.72

01:12:50.700 I heard he would eat your soul.

01:12:55.560 And that's why he is the best ever because he refuses to lose.

01:12:58.860 Yeah.

01:12:59.100 That to me is the most exciting.

01:13:00.440 Yeah.

01:13:01.120 I agree.

01:13:01.700 I think his mindset was just different.

01:13:02.900 I think it was a different time.

01:13:04.280 I think LeBron is just one of those guys.

01:13:05.700 He'd be great at any sport.

01:13:06.760 He's just that big.

01:13:07.920 Yeah.

01:13:08.600 He, you know, he'd be great at the violin if he did it.

01:13:10.500 He's just one of those people that could be good at almost anything.

01:13:12.960 He chose basketball.

01:13:14.240 Yeah.

01:13:14.400 He's a savant.

01:13:15.080 But Jordan, I think, I think it was basketball only. 0.98

01:13:18.000 I mean, he was shitty at baseball.

01:13:19.980 You know, he played for the White Sox. 0.98

01:13:20.900 People try to act like, you know, he wasn't any good.

01:13:23.400 Yeah. 1.00

01:13:24.000 He's fucking bad, actually. 1.00

01:13:25.440 He had a couple. 1.00

01:13:27.480 Didn't he have a home run?

01:13:28.600 Yeah, maybe, bro. 0.99

01:13:29.620 He fucking, he owned the team for three years. 0.99

01:13:32.200 Dude, he got every at bat. 1.00

01:13:35.000 You know?

01:13:36.420 One game, they let him pitch to himself.

01:13:38.220 Bro, if he sees this, he ain't going to like that.

01:13:40.120 Well, let him watch it then.

01:13:41.580 If he's watching, we're doing good.

01:13:43.380 Jamie Kennedy, where can people see you at coming up?

01:13:47.900 This weekend, right now, whatever date it is, I'm at Rochester at the Carlson.

01:13:53.720 You are?

01:13:54.340 Yeah.

01:13:54.680 I can go, I can look on it.

01:13:55.780 You want to look on his site and just rattle off his dates, Nick, so we'll have him?

01:13:58.900 And then next weekend, I'm at the rec room in Huntington Beach.

01:14:02.680 Ooh, I've been there.

01:14:04.140 And then, like, in early June, I'm in Ontario, Improv.

01:14:08.900 Nice.

01:14:09.880 You want to get those, we'll put those dates, too, right there.

01:14:13.160 We'll put them on the screen.

01:14:14.040 Yeah.

01:14:14.520 Right below in the link, and we'll put the dates up on the screen, too.

01:14:17.200 Dude, I appreciate it.

01:14:18.100 So that people will know them.

01:14:19.540 If you haven't seen Jamie in a while, man, go check him out.

01:14:21.540 Or if you have seen him in a while, go check him out again.

01:14:23.400 Dude, your IMDb is so long.

01:14:24.840 It's crazy, bro. 1.00

01:14:25.440 Like, you could almost put two words together, and you were fucking in it, bro. 1.00

01:14:29.680 Slacker cats. 0.99

01:14:31.020 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:14:32.040 Fucking two words. 1.00

01:14:34.800 Put in musk. 1.00

01:14:35.840 Yeah, it's like fucking daytime jugglers. 0.99

01:14:39.320 Like, you were in every fucking King of the Millionaires, too. 1.00

01:14:45.100 This is fucking crazy, man. 1.00

01:14:46.720 You've been in Bentley Bottom. 0.99

01:14:49.560 Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude.

01:14:51.840 You were in Gang Gang.

01:14:54.380 Gang Gang number nine.

01:14:57.700 Yo, man.

01:14:58.120 You were in Sugar Walkers. 1.00

01:15:00.020 I'm like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:15:01.620 Yo, Slacker cats should have worked. 1.00

01:15:03.100 It should have worked, man.

01:15:04.960 Well, so many cats are lazy.

01:15:06.720 Right?

01:15:07.860 We were seven and out.

01:15:09.680 Oh, man.

01:15:11.400 I think I watched one.

01:15:12.940 You watched one?

01:15:13.280 Yeah, I watched one, bro.

01:15:14.360 The first one.

01:15:15.200 Were you eating Tootsie Rolls?

01:15:17.020 Dude, look.

01:15:17.860 That was around Tootsie time.

01:15:19.180 Me and Mikey Rutsch, boy.

01:15:20.700 Yo, Rutsch. 0.99

01:15:21.380 Oh, fucking Slickjaw Rutsch. 1.00

01:15:23.200 Dude, I'd love to see him and your little priest go toe-to-toe. 1.00

01:15:27.720 Oh, mouth-stuffing?

01:15:29.580 Yeah.

01:15:31.200 Dude, how is mouth-stuffing online not a thing?

01:15:34.480 Let's make it.

01:15:35.460 Yeah.

01:15:36.180 Yo, millennials.

01:15:37.160 Not even millennials now?

01:15:38.340 No, just people that are home a lot.

01:15:40.600 There's the new generation.

01:15:42.340 I think I'm X.

01:15:44.960 And there's Y.

01:15:45.380 I think I might be X, too.

01:15:46.620 No, I think you're Y. 0.99

01:15:47.420 I'm Y, then.

01:15:48.240 And then there's millennials.

01:15:49.560 Millennials, and now the new one, whatever that is, under-millennials, you know they're

01:15:54.880 eating ramen out of toilets.

01:15:56.200 Are they really?

01:15:56.780 Yeah, 100%.

01:15:57.800 Unbelievable.

01:15:57.900 And the challenge with the Tide Pod and all that stuff, it's like the challenge is, can

01:16:01.520 you do?

01:16:02.340 But they're eating ramen, cooking it, and eating out of toilets.

01:16:07.080 That hot batch, boy.

01:16:08.340 Yeah.

01:16:08.900 Get what you want.

01:16:09.560 I remember they had a couple brothers in my neighborhood always cooking Dove outside

01:16:12.220 of our apartment complex, right?

01:16:14.360 What's Dove?

01:16:14.460 And so I'd go out there, Dove meat.

01:16:15.900 And so I'd go out there, and for years, these dudes would be like, you want some Dove?

01:16:21.740 No.

01:16:21.960 And I said, no, yeah.

01:16:23.160 And then finally, I had some. 1.00

01:16:24.920 And that shit was soft? 1.00

01:16:27.560 It was, it was, let me think, let me close my eyes and think about what it tasted like. 1.00

01:16:34.080 It was overcooked.

01:16:36.220 Oh.

01:16:36.980 They bred it?

01:16:38.360 No, they didn't bred it.

01:16:39.140 It was straight Dove.

01:16:40.160 Blackened Dove?

01:16:41.040 Yeah, it was blackened Dove, boy.

01:16:42.620 Double blackened, because these are a couple brothers serving it, too. 1.00

01:16:45.180 Yeah.

01:16:45.900 But it was, I think it was kind of Jamaican, I think, honestly. 0.99

01:16:49.700 You know, it was Jamaican, like jerk Dove. 1.00

01:16:52.020 It was jerk Dove. 1.00

01:16:52.780 I want to believe that. 0.99

01:16:54.900 Oh, dude, you better believe that, dude.

01:16:56.980 You're straight New Orleans?

01:16:58.480 I'm coming to Louisiana, man.

01:17:00.840 No, but people eat.

01:17:01.880 Fourth Ward.

01:17:02.540 Oh, New Orleans, they'll eat whatever, bro.

01:17:04.680 You know what I'm saying?

01:17:05.200 New Orleans is a great place.

01:17:06.680 They'll eat what?

01:17:07.260 And I'm going to make a chart, too.

01:17:08.880 Crime and food, how they merge.

01:17:10.880 Better crime, better food. 1.00

01:17:12.340 Baltimore, fucking crabs and cutthroats, son. 1.00

01:17:15.140 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:17:15.780 New Orleans, oysters and fucking body slugs. 1.00

01:17:18.680 Yeah. 1.00

01:17:19.380 Catch a dozen to the fucking tongue and fucking two to the chest, baby. 1.00

01:17:22.840 Yeah, that's true. 1.00

01:17:23.980 Yeah.

01:17:24.440 That's true.

01:17:25.220 Better food comes with murder.

01:17:27.960 Yeah.

01:17:28.480 Because they cook like it might be your last meal.

01:17:30.140 And no offense to the cops, because they've been good to me down there, but they only

01:17:33.960 move on, you know, if they figure out what's in it for them.

01:17:37.380 Oh, yeah.

01:17:37.860 They got some shaky cops down there.

01:17:39.540 4 a.m.

01:17:40.140 Some of those cops are like, what's in it for me?

01:17:42.160 I've seen some yelling.

01:17:44.100 That cop was like, that beignet, you know, that spot.

01:17:47.140 You know, they've got to pay in cash.

01:17:48.620 What's it called?

01:17:49.560 Oh, Cafe Du Monde.

01:17:50.760 Du Monde.

01:17:51.340 They got it.

01:17:51.820 That one bite in.

01:17:53.220 That's a thing to run, right?

01:17:55.100 Oh, a lot of cops will hide a gun in a couple of beignets and just be eating.

01:18:01.960 For everybody that doesn't know, I'm going down there in a month.

01:18:05.420 Are you?

01:18:05.780 Yeah, I think I'm shooting something.

01:18:07.020 I can't say yet.

01:18:08.000 Nice.

01:18:08.880 And the thing is, you pay cash.

01:18:11.320 Yeah.

01:18:11.940 To waiters.

01:18:13.100 So when you go to Du Monde's open all night, you're like, what you want, man?

01:18:16.420 Yeah, you pay cash, dude.

01:18:17.420 Cash to the waiters?

01:18:18.520 Yeah.

01:18:18.920 Because the waiters got to pay cash to the owners.

01:18:22.500 There's two owners.

01:18:23.420 So people don't know, right? 0.99

01:18:24.740 There's two guys that own this joint and they're scared of each other fucking each other over. 0.93

01:18:28.760 So they each have their own cash register. 0.99

01:18:30.960 So they fucking hit each waiter. 0.99

01:18:32.880 Go, go, go, get them, right? 1.00

01:18:34.560 They take cash and they go, that guy ordered a donut, you owe me three fucking bucks. 0.99

01:18:38.060 The waiters got to pay. 1.00

01:18:39.440 So if the waiters don't collect, they fucked. 1.00

01:18:42.320 That's America, dude. 1.00

01:18:43.220 That's fucking beignet knowledge. 1.00

01:18:45.360 Beignet for shin-yay. 1.00

01:18:46.720 Yeah.

01:18:47.440 Jamie, thanks so much, man.

01:18:48.480 You got to come back.

01:18:48.960 You got to start your own cast, man.

01:18:50.120 I think people would love listening to you.

01:18:51.580 I would love to, man.

01:18:53.320 I'd listen.

01:18:53.820 I would love it.

01:18:54.700 You're welcome to use this studio if you need to every now and then, you know?

01:18:57.140 Okay, cool.

01:18:57.960 If you need to take him, you know, to get that kick off.

01:19:00.380 But I think you have, I mean, you know, just saying.

01:19:02.780 I'd like to.

01:19:04.020 I got to see.

01:19:04.740 People should hit me up and if they like me, I'll do it.

01:19:08.200 I think people would, huh?

01:19:09.460 It'd be interesting.

01:19:10.600 Do a 12-episode run and see how you feel about it.

01:19:12.740 Yeah, but I want to, like, you know, I want to talk different than what I am, though.

01:19:16.960 I'm just sitting on your front porch, wondering how could I be so far from my home.

01:19:25.020 And my mind is somewhere else, but when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been blown.

01:19:35.720 Now, I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

01:19:45.020 I must be cornerstone.

01:19:47.720 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.

01:19:55.800 I can feel it in my bones, but it's gonna take a little time.

01:20:06.420 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club,

01:20:10.440 a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events,

01:20:13.720 stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

01:20:17.720 The answer may shock you.

01:20:19.580 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

01:20:21.640 Sometimes I won't.

01:20:23.320 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

01:20:26.240 You have three new voice messages.

01:20:29.240 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

01:20:32.160 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.

01:20:36.460 So great.

01:20:37.820 Aye, sueya.

01:20:39.480 Easy deal. 1.00

01:20:40.580 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. 1.00

01:20:44.760 Do you know what I mean? 0.99

01:20:45.340 Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

01:20:49.800 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:20:51.920 Oh, no.

01:20:54.220 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

01:20:56.620 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:21:00.800 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:21:05.040 Third rule.

01:21:05.980 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.

01:21:08.680 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:21:10.380 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - May 24, 2018

Jamie Kennedy ｜ This Past Weekend #98

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