This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Make a Choice ｜ This Past Weekend #141

00:00:00.120 Today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza.

00:00:02.860 Gray Block Pizza, 1811 Pico Boulevard on the way to the beach.

00:00:07.020 Gray Block Pizza, get that.

00:00:11.840 Get her. 0.58

00:00:15.000 Today's episode is brought to you by Skillshare.

00:00:17.620 Skillshare is an online learning platform.

00:00:21.080 Look, let's be honest, dude. 1.00

00:00:22.400 A lot of us are idiots, right? 1.00

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00:00:25.480 Well, Skillshare is a place where you can change all that. 0.99

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00:01:17.820 Go to Skillshare.com slash Theo.

00:01:20.200 Again, go to Skillshare.com slash Theo to start your two months now.

00:01:28.080 Also, next week, we'll have a Halloween episode, and you can send pictures of your costumes.

00:01:33.860 So I can, I guess I'll roast them maybe, or just, I don't know, look at them, just whatever.

00:01:41.220 You can email them to producer at TheoVaughn.com, and that's for next week's episode, pictures of your Halloween costumes.

00:01:51.560 What's up, you little flannel-wearing spunk ponies? 1.00

00:01:54.580 How are you, huh?

00:01:56.460 You arguably adorable little muffin munchers. 0.86

00:02:02.380 You ready?

00:02:03.820 It's October.

00:02:04.880 We did it.

00:02:06.000 It's late October.

00:02:07.860 We made it this far.

00:02:09.460 How does that feel?

00:02:12.540 How does that feel?

00:02:26.180 Enjoy it.

00:02:27.760 Celebrate living.

00:02:31.120 Celebrate misery.

00:02:33.800 You know that soon we're going to die. 0.97

00:02:43.040 Let's have some fun while we all die.

00:02:48.980 Celebrate times.

00:02:52.080 Celebrate our lives.

00:02:54.540 That is Celebrate by Spencer Jacob Grau, and that is our intro music.

00:03:03.800 Happy October.

00:03:05.800 And I am, I'm here.

00:03:09.640 You're here.

00:03:10.680 This is how it works out.

00:03:12.660 This is how it works out.

00:03:14.760 Made it in today, back here into the studio.

00:03:18.260 Exhausted.

00:03:18.900 I mean, I feel like my skin just wants to just crawl off of my body and just go hide in a bedside table or in a little secret drawer or secret trap door.

00:03:35.300 I mean, my skin is just like, are you really going to carry me around and do something else with me?

00:03:42.160 Because I can't handle, I can't handle this.

00:03:46.060 We, we, I just got back from Appleton.

00:03:48.780 You know, we just got back from Appleton.

00:03:50.380 I say we sometimes.

00:03:51.900 You know, I don't like to feel alone.

00:03:53.140 So saying we kind of puts me in a, in a group think space in my head.

00:03:58.420 Appleton, Wisconsin.

00:04:00.460 In Wisconsin, that's, you know, that's dairy. 0.85

00:04:04.580 That's the dairy belt. 0.79

00:04:06.640 You know, you, you, you'll step on, you, you, you'll, you'll step in something outside.

00:04:10.860 You're like, oh, what is that?

00:04:11.940 And it's just nothing.

00:04:12.880 That's a little bit of 2%.

00:04:13.980 You'll see some stray yogurt.

00:04:16.140 Just, you know, a chunk of yogurt just kind of rolling down a hillside.

00:04:22.380 You, it's, it's, uh, it's kind of baffling.

00:04:24.860 You, you know, you'll, you'll be talking to somebody and suddenly just, you know, some skim milk will just fall right out their mouth.

00:04:31.020 Or a cheese curd will just, you know, a magician will walk up and just, you know, pull a cheese curd out from behind your ear.

00:04:38.020 And that's Wisconsin that's up there.

00:04:40.220 And that's those dairy, uh, the, that's the, the dairy people.

00:04:44.040 And they love dairy up there.

00:04:46.240 And they love to just, I mean, like you and I, we probably would look at a cow and just think, oh, that's an animal. 0.99

00:04:53.260 But those people up there, they look at a cow and they'd be like, oh, look at this motherfucker right here. 0.99

00:05:01.380 This little milk jug with hoofs. 0.99

00:05:05.320 We had, uh, so all sold out shows, all sold out shows in Appleton, Wisconsin.

00:05:11.220 And thanks, thanks, thanks for, uh, for the joining.

00:05:15.220 People, you know, a bunch of different people come out.

00:05:17.700 Fat Steve came out.

00:05:19.360 I think his name was Fat Steve or Fat Chris.

00:05:21.460 I can't remember.

00:05:22.920 Um, but this gentleman, this gentleman sent me a, uh, a DM and he goes, hey man, just letting you know. 0.99

00:05:30.860 I'm coming through Saturday night and I'm going to be the fattest fucking dude you'll see all weekend. 0.91

00:05:36.240 And I want to give a checkmate to that man because he, he honored his word. 0.98

00:05:43.880 I mean, this guy, dude, I patted him on the back and, and then I had to tell him I patted him on the back because he couldn't feel it.

00:05:51.280 I mean, this dude was huge and beautiful and he wore a big kind of bright, bright green, you know, safety green.

00:05:56.540 You know, the funny thing is when people get, and I'm not saying this to shame this gentleman at all.

00:06:02.280 He was in a good mood about it.

00:06:03.780 And so, um, and so we can laugh with him.

00:06:06.700 And he said, look, I'm going to be, you know, I'm going to be the fattest fella in the, you know, I'm going to be the fattest, uh, the fattest, uh, sugar hole in the enamel.

00:06:18.240 You know, I'm going to be the fattest cavity.

00:06:22.240 And he was, and he came out with his daddy and his daddy looked, uh, you know, like, um, somebody from, you know, the Hobbit a little bit, kind of a handsome sort of older gentleman, you know, very Midwestern, just a smile on his face.

00:06:39.320 He had a built in smile, you know, like somebody was just kind of like, you know, like the Lord was just kind of tickling him under his chin.

00:06:45.840 And they came out and they enjoyed themselves.

00:06:50.260 And that big fella, he was wearing a bright green.

00:06:52.580 Cause if you notice sometime when people get real large, a lot of the colors that they can wear are safety colors, bright orange.

00:07:00.560 You know, you'll see some black people, they'll be real large and they'll wear bright orange, you know, or, you know, Shondressha, she'll have bright, bright green. 1.00

00:07:09.780 And you're like, dang, what size is that?

00:07:11.760 And this, this fella was, uh, no, no different.

00:07:16.200 He came out and he had, uh, he had the, he had that safety green kind of like emergency kind of green.

00:07:24.400 You know, if you, if, you know, if there's like police at night by the side of the road and they have flares and stuff and something bad happened.

00:07:31.080 And then also they're wearing green vests, he had that color green.

00:07:35.240 Cause when you get past three XL and stuff like that, all the colors they put on your safety.

00:07:41.560 Cause I think, you know, it's, uh, cause you're probably a little bit of a, of a health risk.

00:07:46.100 I think it's certain, you know, it's certain poundages, but it was good that he came out, man.

00:07:50.660 And, you know, it was good that he came out cause everybody enjoyed it, man.

00:07:56.680 I, and it was, it started to get chilly.

00:07:58.260 It snowed, it snowed one day.

00:08:01.500 So that was really awesome.

00:08:03.540 But fat Pete came out, little Nolan.

00:08:06.420 They had these dudes, uh, that this kind of like, I don't know if they were fraternity dudes that spit in each other's mouths at like point blank range.

00:08:14.740 So they said it was like a, you know, a trick that they did, but I didn't see the real, it didn't seem much, you know, like too much trickery to me.

00:08:25.800 It just seemed like a couple of dudes just spitting in each other's mouths.

00:08:29.360 You know, it seemed like something, you know, a bit of a dark art you'd find in one of the, in the crevasses of the internet.

00:08:36.260 But yeah, little Nolan came out.

00:08:38.320 Vixie, this gal Vixie came through. 0.95

00:08:40.300 Who else?

00:08:41.080 That lady that kept crying. 0.99

00:08:42.440 There was a lady that kept crying for no, for no reason after the show. 1.00

00:08:47.160 And she had, I think she'd been, you know, drinking and eating at the same time, which is popular.

00:08:53.000 And I, you know, when I used to really, you know, ingest booze, I would do it.

00:08:58.340 And she was drying her tears with a, uh, with a hamburger bun.

00:09:03.260 And there's something honestly sexy about that.

00:09:06.100 When you see a lady's emotions just flowing out of her face. 0.96

00:09:09.160 And she just dabbing them bitches up with a, uh, with a top half of a crescent roll. 1.00

00:09:15.320 Yeah, man. 0.99

00:09:17.960 Erection.

00:09:19.800 Erection town.

00:09:20.760 That's where I'm headed.

00:09:22.280 Who else?

00:09:23.100 Oh, some twins.

00:09:23.960 I met some dudes that were twins.

00:09:26.360 Uh, and I'll say this.

00:09:28.220 You know, I've talked about twins before. 1.00

00:09:29.800 If you're twins, fucking fight it out. 0.99

00:09:34.300 You know, so many times you see twins, they're both living. 1.00

00:09:38.160 They're both just kind of carrying on with their existences.

00:09:42.220 Or existence. 0.98

00:09:43.100 I, I'm not sure what the term is, but fucking fight it out. 0.99

00:09:48.380 If you're twins, fight it out. 0.99

00:09:52.480 Be, you know, obviously God wants y'all to compete. 0.99

00:09:57.660 And especially this time of year, fucking figure it out. 0.98

00:10:03.200 You know, two people enter, one person leaves. 0.99

00:10:06.940 Turn the holidays into a real, you know, into a real fiesta.

00:10:11.600 I just think that a lot of times twins these days, back in the old days, if you saw twins, you'd see them fist fighting.

00:10:18.340 You know, I remember you'd drive down the street and they'd see a couple twins over there. 0.98

00:10:22.100 Fuck, if you saw triplets, they'd have swords out in the yard. 0.99

00:10:24.740 Because people, it was more about, you know, survival of the fittest. 1.00

00:10:30.180 There's no way three of us are going to just meander around town.

00:10:34.920 Just each of us, you know, taking an eight hours, you know, an eight hour shift at the same life each day.

00:10:43.040 No, you got to just, you got to have your own life.

00:10:47.980 So it's time to cut corners.

00:10:50.700 So I'm just saying, if you're twins, figure it out.

00:10:53.860 Figure it out.

00:10:56.460 You know, I wonder, sometimes I was in the bathroom, I noticed, I was in the bathroom at the airport.

00:11:01.220 And I noticed that, I noticed that I get a little, this is kind of how territorial I get.

00:11:07.220 But, you know, I'm not a real bad boy, you know, I'm not that real baby cat.

00:11:14.240 And, but I was in the bathroom, I was at the urinal, and some dude was in the toilet stall.

00:11:21.540 You know, he was in one of those, you know, little duty closets, you know.

00:11:26.540 And I'm sure they have him in the women's bathroom, I've never been in there.

00:11:29.060 But, but I've been in the men's bathroom probably six or seven thousand times.

00:11:36.320 And they have these little duty closets in there.

00:11:39.220 They have urinal, urinal by the wall.

00:11:42.100 They have individual urinals, you can go up and pee all by yourself.

00:11:45.880 And I, you know, I'm that, I don't like dudes coming up behind me.

00:11:49.020 So I'll pull, a lot of dudes don't do this. 0.99

00:11:51.200 I'll put my, I'll drop my pants right below my butt. 1.00

00:11:54.480 So if you see me at the urinal, you're going to see my ass, you know. 0.99

00:11:58.500 And I've done that since I was a child, and that's the way I learned to do it. 0.99

00:12:02.340 When I was young, young, you put your pants all the way to your ankles.

00:12:06.300 And stand there and pee.

00:12:09.040 But, you know, then, you know, a lot of people got to perverting and, you know, inverting on each other.

00:12:16.320 And so people now, they only pull just their wiener out.

00:12:19.840 But not me, man. 0.99

00:12:20.900 I kind of meet in the middle, and I'll still pull my pants just below my ass when I pee at the urinal. 0.99

00:12:26.660 But if you don't want to urinate, and you want to do something stronger out of your back area, 0.98

00:12:31.560 then you can go into the, in one of the, in one of these little duty closets.

00:12:40.060 You know, special areas, and they got a lock on them. 0.99

00:12:42.940 You know, because people don't like to be bothered while they're trying to, you know, be shit. 0.98

00:12:46.760 But, so, anyway, anyway, I'm in the urinal. 0.99

00:12:51.640 I'm at the urinal, and I'm just doing number one out the front.

00:12:55.500 And some dude cleared his throat in the, in the, you know, in the little cage, in the duty cage.

00:13:05.340 And it was kind of, you know, this is a little gross, I guess.

00:13:08.800 But, and I ended up, I just farted.

00:13:10.760 You know, I farted. 0.99

00:13:12.620 I just pushed loud air out of my butt, like my butt was a horn. 0.97

00:13:16.680 And, and I noticed that I did it, like, in retaliation. 0.93

00:13:21.080 Like, this dude, like, cleared his throat, you know, like, like, and then, like, to show territorial, I like, you know.

00:13:30.380 I was like, oh, you think you're going to, you're going to make, you're going to clear your throat around here. 0.60

00:13:35.180 Well, I'm going to freaking, you know, I'm going to sound that butt alarm. 1.00

00:13:40.440 And I'm going to set the mood.

00:13:42.120 And so, I guess I just realized, like, and it was involuntary by me.

00:13:46.100 It was like a territorial type of thing.

00:13:48.600 So, when it comes to territory, you know, in the old days, I mean, you'd fight your, you'd fin your territory off.

00:13:54.460 You'd protect your ground at all costs and that sort of thing.

00:13:57.080 But we're not really having to do that right now in the history of the world.

00:14:00.440 And so, so now what you're doing, what I would, apparently where I'm at as far as territoriality is, if I hear somebody clear their throat, you know, then I will, you know, do a body gas in order to kind of set the tone.

00:14:17.400 So, but that, that, that's what happened.

00:14:21.040 I was in Appleton.

00:14:22.760 People were nice.

00:14:23.780 It was, you know, I saw snowfall.

00:14:27.080 They had a breakfast place.

00:14:28.560 I went to eat breakfast.

00:14:30.280 And the breakfast place was in a, the breakfast place was in a, it used to be a funeral parlor.

00:14:37.440 And now they got, they got them omelets.

00:14:40.380 And now they have omelets and they have, you know, they got all kinds of things you want to have at breakfast.

00:14:50.800 Omelets, blueberries, French, French toast, and, you know, pancakes and all that.

00:14:57.940 And I was enjoying it, just living it up.

00:14:59.880 And, uh, and, and, and, and it's just wild to eat breakfast in a place where the deceased, where they used to have funerals.

00:15:07.140 So that was one pretty cool thing that was in Appleton.

00:15:10.420 Um, that said, I saw the leaves change in color, you know, mother nature just doing her last, you know, putting on her, you know, some last little fancy evening gowns before the, before winter sets in.

00:15:25.980 Um, and I'm trying to think of what else I got into.

00:15:30.340 That's it.

00:15:31.360 I'm just grateful that everybody came out.

00:15:32.960 Somebody brought me a quartz rock, a magical pink quartz rock.

00:15:37.180 And they said it had special powers in it.

00:15:40.220 So I'm going to hold that, keep that on the shelf here.

00:15:43.600 What else?

00:15:44.080 Somebody brought me up this piece of wood, um, that they chiseled something in it.

00:15:49.380 You know, a little bit of wood chiseling.

00:15:51.780 And, uh, and that's it, man.

00:15:54.200 Um, that's it.

00:15:56.600 Halloween's coming up.

00:15:58.760 I'm going to Phoenix this weekend.

00:16:01.140 I'll be in Phoenix Friday and Saturday night at the Orpheum.

00:16:05.160 So I'm really, I'm stoked about that.

00:16:08.420 Uh, then I'm going down to, um, I'm going to go have, uh, the holidays with my nieces and nephews for Halloween.

00:16:15.740 You know, and get to see them going down to New Orleans and Baton Rouge.

00:16:18.820 Speaking of Louisiana, we have, uh, uh, Dustin Poirier will be in the studio, uh, who he will be on this, on the guest episode this week.

00:16:28.500 And he is a, he is, uh, the number three fighter, I believe, um, uh, UFC and, uh, and he's from Louisiana and really a, uh, a unique character and an honorable young man.

00:16:45.060 And, uh, I'm excited to have somebody from my home state who is doing something much braver than me, man.

00:16:51.400 That guy's out there.

00:16:52.440 I mean, he, he, he's brave to be a real fighter.

00:16:54.740 You know, he can fight with his body, you know, and I'm at it, I'm out of here fighting, you know, I'm out of here going to, uh, self-help therapy and all of that.

00:17:02.800 So, but we're all doing our own stuff.

00:17:05.240 And so I'm honored to have him in this week.

00:17:07.400 He'll be coming in, but y'all be in Phoenix and then I'll be in Buffalo the week after.

00:17:10.860 If you have friends in Buffalo, send them out, you know, tell them to come on out and get a little bit of daddy's hitter.

00:17:17.800 I was thinking, man, the spirits are all, all the spirits are going to be coming back because of Halloween.

00:17:23.000 And that's pretty cool, you know, cause you know, it's wild to think that when you, when your body leaves here, when you die, your spirit is just kind of just milling around kind of like a, like the smoke coming off of a, uh, a cigarette, you know?

00:17:41.720 And your spirit is just like, it's like the universe, uh, you know, it's like the, it's just, you know, your spirit is just this warm kind of full body kind of gas that's inside of you.

00:17:57.680 And whenever you die, it seeps out of you.

00:18:00.240 It comes out, it kind of peels off your skin, you know, cause it's real, real tight.

00:18:06.380 Our spirit is real, real tight inside of us.

00:18:08.960 And Halloween is that special time when all the spirits get invited to the school dance and they all, everybody comes out, all the spirits and you'll see spirits over in the distance.

00:18:21.020 You know, a couple of spirits out back behind the gym, smoking a giant, you'll see, you know, you might have a spirit, uh, you know, touching some, uh, you know, trying to, you know, undo another spirit's brassiere and trying to, uh, grab onto them, those spiritis.

00:18:37.900 So you feel me, you have all, you know, you just have spirits being spirity and this, that time of year.

00:18:44.920 And so I was thinking about people that I lost that, you know, they had a buddy of mine, little Freddie and little Freddie, he was a manager at a, um, he did, you know, management, supermarket management and assistant management.

00:18:58.560 And he, he passed away this year, you know, and he had a, he was a buddy of mine down in Baton Rouge and he had a little mustache.

00:19:07.700 And one thing I'll tell you about, uh, little Freddie, man, he loved that mustache.

00:19:15.060 It was like a dachshund.

00:19:16.520 It was just like a dachshund just living, just, that was constantly just, just sleeping right on his, uh, right above his lip.

00:19:23.920 And he loved that mustache, man.

00:19:25.900 And dude, I would catch him, bro.

00:19:27.100 He'd to kind of do this, dude.

00:19:28.860 A lot of men now do not know how to treat their mustaches.

00:19:33.280 You know, you'll see a guy eating yogurt with like kind of a sharp spoon, right, just right up and putting it right up by his mustache.

00:19:42.000 Or you'll see somebody, you know, maybe they're doing arts and crafts and cutting, doing some clipping or something, or, you know, uh, doing some scrapbooking with the scissors right by their mustache.

00:19:53.600 And they'll cut some mustache hair while they're trying to make a little ornament or something.

00:19:57.820 And he, and, but just, just men that don't know how to treat, you know, that front body, that front body, little, that third eyebrow, you know, the mustache.

00:20:13.380 And, and Freddie, this, this man, Freddie, he treated his mustache well.

00:20:19.660 Dude, he used to do this thing where he would put, he would put like Neosporin, he'd get like a quarter tube of Neosporin and just put it all on it. 0.99

00:20:29.080 I mean, just look like he had just given a blow job to a damn, uh, uh, uh, Banshee or something. 0.98

00:20:37.260 You know, look like he just given a blow job to somebody that worked at, um, at, uh, at, uh, Slumberjay or something, or, you know, one of those big oil companies, Petroleum. 0.99

00:20:48.180 Cause he just, he'd have a whole, just quarter tube of Neosporin just lodged up in that mustache and let that thing soak up at night. 0.91

00:20:58.240 And then, and then in the morning he'd clean it off.

00:21:00.580 And my God, that thing just fucking glistened, boy, it would be hard pressed right up against his face and real slick looking. 0.93

00:21:09.600 You'd see him in the front yard with a hose washing his mustache. 0.98

00:21:13.640 And people don't do that.

00:21:16.100 People don't do that at all.

00:21:18.180 But, uh, he passed away.

00:21:20.000 So I'm sure his spirit will be out and about soon.

00:21:23.060 And that's what I'm starting to wonder.

00:21:24.380 I'm wondering like, you know, like what spirits are on deck to come back this Halloween when the gateway opens.

00:21:30.360 You know, when the devil stretches his arms out real wide.

00:21:36.540 I wonder who's going to come just, just sneak in into our world. 0.98

00:21:44.180 It was good to be in the Midwest.

00:21:47.160 I'll say that.

00:21:47.960 It was, uh, you know, it's nice to be there and I can just call a woman sweetheart or lady or love bug or something like that.

00:21:56.660 If I want to, without getting looked at all cross-eyed like you do here in Los Angeles, Los Angeles, you call a girl sweetheart.

00:22:03.860 There's girls, there's women out here that they, instead of wanting to be in love, they've decided they just want to be mean. 1.00

00:22:14.240 They just want to be mean.

00:22:15.600 And I'm not saying it's all women, but it's become like a fad out here. 0.99

00:22:21.760 It's become like, and you see a lot of young people.

00:22:25.380 I see, you know, a lot of these young girls, I feel like get led into that.

00:22:28.220 You know, you, uh, you, uh, you know, they, it's like, I can't even explain it, but it's like, they just are waiting. 0.86

00:22:39.500 All they're doing, they, the only reason they even want to spend time around a man or even listen to a man is just to call him out whenever he says something just gets ridiculous.

00:22:48.940 So it's nice to be in a regular place in America where you could, where I can say, oh, thank you, sweetheart.

00:22:54.960 And someone, and, and, and a woman isn't going to berate me because what I listen for, when I talk to people, you know, I listen for the, the, the, the sound of what's in their heart.

00:23:08.760 And I, and I hope that they would do the same for me.

00:23:10.880 And usually people know, you know, if somebody's being mean or somebody's being nasty or somebody's trying to pull the, just like the deepest whisker that's just tied into your, you know, just tied deep, deep into your nuts, into that nudie, nudie bag. 0.54

00:23:30.080 People know. 0.99

00:23:30.860 And I just try to be nice and it's nice to be in a, it was nice to be in a place where you could just be friendly with somebody without having to get the, the exact, uh, without saying young lady or ma'am or, and just getting looked at like you're a piece of shit just because somebody's so lonely that they have nothing better to do than look at you that way. 0.95

00:23:51.540 And that's just what you see a lot of out here. 0.51

00:23:53.440 I felt like in Los Angeles, you know, in LA, it's a lot of people whose dreams aren't coming true.

00:23:58.500 And so they get upset.

00:24:00.860 And so they figure, well, if I can't be, you know, if I can't be what I, if I can't be happy, then nobody else is gonna.

00:24:10.380 A lot of that out here.

00:24:12.060 But I, but it was nice to be in a place where that's not what's going on, you know.

00:24:16.760 Um, but a lot of great people came out in Appleton.

00:24:21.440 Um, and it just felt good, man.

00:24:24.820 Man, we had a great, uh, I don't know if you listened to that Maurice Claret episode, but that was awesome.

00:24:28.660 It was nice to be, you know, that's one thing about this podcast has been neat, has been just the, just being inspired around people.

00:24:38.180 You know, we got to have a conversation in here.

00:24:41.540 Maurice was in here and, uh, and it was great, man.

00:24:44.780 We had a conversation about race.

00:24:46.260 We had a conversation about, um, you know, you heard a lot about learning, uh, you know, just hitting lows, but coming back from them and finding your own power.

00:24:57.760 Man, it just brought a tear to my eye just listening to that guy.

00:25:01.640 He is, his story, I mean, it's just so powerful.

00:25:07.100 It's so powerful.

00:25:10.080 I think Maurice should go into politics.

00:25:11.840 I, you know, I don't know if I've met a man really that I know who has, uh, such an uncanny ability to articulate his emotions.

00:25:20.340 Um, but with, and to listen and interact without judgment, you know, he really stays away from judgment and that allows him to see what's going on so much better.

00:25:35.120 You know, and we got to talk, it was just fun and we talked about different stuff, you know, I mean, I thought the conversation, I was kind of surprised it got into race, but you know, you never know when that's going to happen.

00:25:46.420 And that's okay, but hopefully we'll have, uh, have him back and have, you know, those guys from business and biceps back again in the future.

00:25:55.640 Um, uh, what else, man?

00:25:58.000 I am so, I'm so tired, man.

00:25:59.380 I'm sorry if, uh, you know, I want to be more funny.

00:26:02.180 Sometimes I just can't even think that much, you know, my brain sometimes feels like, have you ever seen one of those gumball machines?

00:26:10.580 And, and, and like nobody uses it forever and it's just, the gum is just sitting there.

00:26:20.420 Sometimes that's what my brain feels like.

00:26:23.560 Just like that machine just, dude, and sometimes, you know what?

00:26:27.560 Remember when that rumor came out there were roaches in gumball machines? 1.00

00:26:30.400 And people lost their fucking minds. 0.99

00:26:35.520 It was right around the same time that the rumors came out that there was a snake in all the ball pits at the McDonald's and Burger Kings. 0.99

00:26:42.300 And that's when they started getting rid of a lot of them.

00:26:46.220 Man, they're taking the fun out of the world.

00:26:48.180 Remember that though?

00:26:48.840 There's a snake.

00:26:50.540 There's a snake at the, at the dying McDonald's.

00:26:54.600 And it was some fake story like, oh yeah, Big Rhonda was eating a double double and a, and a, and a, um, and a, um, King Snake bit her.

00:27:10.280 Yes.

00:27:11.820 She got bit by a King Snake at the Burger King.

00:27:17.340 You're like, what? 1.00

00:27:18.720 This shit sounds fishy. 1.00

00:27:20.260 Oh, she was having a filet of fish at the Burger King and got bit by a King Snake. 1.00

00:27:28.780 Remember that shit though, dude? 1.00

00:27:30.160 People were fucking losing their minds thinking everybody lawsuits out the Yang. 1.00

00:27:34.740 People were getting bit by snakes at their house and then saying they were at the McDonald's trying to get that money. 1.00

00:27:40.160 A lot of fucking people out there cutting corners, man. 1.00

00:27:42.780 Cutting corners. 1.00

00:27:44.100 Let's take a couple of calls that came in, man, from the hotline 985-664-9503.

00:27:49.240 Um, you can always hit the hotline.

00:27:51.640 And I want to also let any young men out there know that live in the Los Angeles area.

00:27:58.000 If there's some experience that you are having trouble with, um, if you are struggling with something and, uh, and would like to be possibly involved in, you know, in, in figuring it out in real time, uh, on this past weekend and doing something in person.

00:28:14.700 Maybe, um, hit the hotline 985-664-9503 and let us know about your struggle.

00:28:21.960 Let us know what's going on.

00:28:23.440 It can be, it can be anything, anything that's going on in your life.

00:28:27.060 If you're feeling, you know, anything that's got you down, something that's, or that's got you, uh, off or something that's got you confused or uncertain.

00:28:35.100 Anything, uh, out there if you're living in the Los Angeles area.

00:28:40.380 And it's men or women.

00:28:42.100 Uh, and that's for both gender. 1.00

00:28:44.020 Gen-dye, actually.

00:28:46.420 Um, what else?

00:28:48.300 I will be, as I told you, this weekend in Phoenix.

00:28:50.660 Then I'll be in Buffalo, Salt Lake City, Washington, D.C., Addison, Texas, and Lexington, Kentucky.

00:28:57.440 Uh, the only ones that are not sold out are Buffalo and Lexington.

00:29:02.340 So, man, it's crazy people are coming out to the shows.

00:29:05.080 What an exciting time.

00:29:07.480 You know, what an exciting time.

00:29:08.760 It's crazy to think how long I've been working at this job and then be finally catching a little bit of breakage.

00:29:15.920 You know?

00:29:17.100 I mean, like, the Lord is just, just busting a nut and it's just landing all on, right here on your boy.

00:29:22.180 You know?

00:29:23.600 Praise God, brother.

00:29:25.360 Praise God.

00:29:26.080 Okay, let's hit a couple calls.

00:29:30.100 Uh, here we go.

00:29:32.100 Hey, this is Daniel from South Carolina.

00:29:35.060 I just was calling to give some advice for the, uh, guy that's in ROTC.

00:29:40.360 Oh, yeah.

00:29:40.980 Thank you for calling, Daniel.

00:29:41.920 Last week, uh, at the end of the episode, we had a caller who called saying he was considering, um, he'd been in ROTC at school.

00:29:48.440 You know, at high school or whatever. 0.98

00:29:49.800 And y'all know that shit is just children running around, you know, throwing fake grenades at each other and eat, you know, 0.99

00:29:55.700 eating MREs behind the gymnasium and shit and playing with wooden guns and all of that. 1.00

00:30:00.560 No disrespect, but, you know, fuck it, that's what that shit is, you know, people giving each other buzz cuts and low-key closet homosexuality. 1.00

00:30:08.800 But the young man that called in, and we'll go back to his call in just a sec, so I'll play his call for you from last week. 1.00

00:30:16.820 He was uncertain about whether or not he should, um, actually go in the military to appease his family.

00:30:22.700 He was unsure about what he wanted to do.

00:30:24.600 You can listen to a piece of that right here.

00:30:27.760 What's up, Theo?

00:30:28.560 My name is Jesse.

00:30:29.980 Um, I'm an Air Force ROTC cadet in college, and I'm trying to figure out this whole life thing.

00:30:35.380 Having a hard time pretty much balancing everything and trying to figure out if this, going into the military is exactly what I want to do.

00:30:42.340 And now let's get back to this gentleman's, uh, response and suggestion for him.

00:30:47.000 Onward?

00:30:47.220 I'm just going to say that I was in a similar position when I was at Clemson University.

00:30:52.620 I decided to go the National Guard route, but I actually decided not to go to officer, and I went enlisted.

00:30:59.380 And to be quite honest with you, I regretted it.

00:31:02.480 You know, just like Theo says, if you have the opportunity, you know, go for it.

00:31:08.040 Because that's one of those things that's going to be with you for the rest of your life, and, you know, you serve honorably in your country.

00:31:13.600 You know, America's a great place, regardless of what people say, you know.

00:31:19.580 And I agree with that 100%.

00:31:21.200 America is a great place, regardless of what people say.

00:31:24.360 And it's a shame that a lot of people have big platforms, and they choose and live in America, and make great money off of it, and choose to speak so ill of it.

00:31:34.040 And that kind of stuff breaks my heart, man.

00:31:37.360 But, uh, but, but let's finish, uh, this call that's coming in here.

00:31:41.100 He's saying, you know, if you can go and get it done, and you are heavily considering it, then maybe it's worth it.

00:31:48.000 You know, you will have that time, and it is extremely, I do think it's honorable.

00:31:53.140 You know, of course, I didn't do it.

00:31:56.560 So, if I could, obviously, that's easy for me to say.

00:31:59.500 But, you know, there's something inside of a man, or this man, anyway, that will always feel a little less than for not having served his country.

00:32:08.020 Let's hear more.

00:32:09.040 And if, not a lot of people even have the opportunity to, you know, to serve their country.

00:32:14.220 And, and if you do, and especially as an officer, it's going to stay with you.

00:32:19.200 It's going to be a positive thing throughout your whole life, you know. 0.98

00:32:22.020 They'll tell you, you know, embrace the suck. 0.93

00:32:24.000 You know, you're going to hear that a lot. 0.82

00:32:25.100 But, like Theo said, you know, it's not going to last forever.

00:32:28.520 It's going to last a couple years, you know.

00:32:30.520 And then you can just get out.

00:32:32.300 And being in the Air Force, too, I mean, you got it made, man.

00:32:35.580 I mean, you got all the benefits, and you're in the Air Force, so you're one of the smarter guys.

00:32:40.060 So, I would say do it.

00:32:42.540 But, again, if you're going to do it, go all the way.

00:32:47.140 But if you're not going to do it, you know, don't feel bad, you know.

00:32:51.600 Like Theo said, again, just be happy.

00:32:54.660 It's your choice.

00:32:55.360 And make a choice, I think, is the best thing.

00:33:00.100 And, Jesse, yeah, I just want to let you know that we are going to send you.

00:33:04.780 We had about 30 or 40 responses, all from veterans.

00:33:07.860 And I want to thank the men and women who have served.

00:33:13.040 Thank you very much.

00:33:14.320 You know, my job is freedom of speech.

00:33:15.960 This right here is directly because of you guys.

00:33:19.680 So, even though you're listening to me, I'm only capable of doing this because of you.

00:33:28.200 And I appreciate you and thank you.

00:33:30.680 But, yeah, we're going to send you all of those responses, Jesse, all 30 or 40 of those that came in.

00:33:35.580 So, you will have a vast array of suggestions from different military members and people who have been in and out of ROTC that you can listen to.

00:33:46.400 So, but, yeah, I think, you know, whatever you choose, just try and make a choice.

00:33:53.400 That way, you're not just living in that gray area because living in the gray can be kind of, I mean, it can feel, you know, kind of eore-ish, if you will, man.

00:34:03.420 You get eored up.

00:34:04.580 Where's my tail?

00:34:07.060 All right, man.

00:34:08.440 Let's take one more response that came in for ROTC, Jesse.

00:34:13.240 Hey, what up, Theo?

00:34:14.040 This is Jared.

00:34:14.600 I love the podcast. 0.98

00:34:16.400 You make me laugh while I'm trying to do shit like pipettes and do lab work. 1.00

00:34:23.480 You motherfucking awful podcast. 1.00

00:34:26.000 Do. 1.00

00:34:26.500 Well, I hope, man.

00:34:27.480 You know, one of my, sometimes in my dark art brain, I will lay there and think at night that somebody's trying to do some real intricate flooring in there. 0.97

00:34:36.540 And I make them laugh and they fuck it up. 0.99

00:34:38.620 So, so then, then I picture somebody walking through their kitchen the next day and one of the tiles is just a little bit off and they're thinking, man, whoever did the flooring in this place fucking sucked. 0.99

00:34:51.220 But they didn't suck, man. 0.99

00:34:53.000 They fucking floored with joy in their heart. 0.99

00:34:55.740 And that's that little laughter offset. 0.99

00:34:57.780 That's why that little hitter is a little bit offset because we hit them with that giggle, giggle. 1.00

00:35:03.560 Okay, onward.

00:35:04.360 Take more.

00:35:04.820 Thank you for your service, sir.

00:35:28.260 Onward.

00:35:29.160 Working on my PhD right now.

00:35:31.660 You hear that, Jesse, right there.

00:35:34.200 He's working on his PhD now.

00:35:35.700 That's commitment.

00:35:37.360 You know, that's, you get that drive.

00:35:38.940 That's the thing that I've always been jealous of, my friends who went into the military early, is that they are up and at them every day, achieving their goals for the rest of their life.

00:35:47.620 Onward.

00:35:48.320 Marine biology.

00:35:49.280 And it would not have been possible without the choices that I made way back when to join the military and the discipline that I got while I was in there and, you know, just all those experiences.

00:35:58.980 But just use your heart and your nuts as your guide and you know what you want to do before you ever ask for advice.

00:36:06.020 But you can't go wrong with the military.

00:36:08.720 Just make sure you read the contract, pick the right jobs, medical jobs are cool.

00:36:14.920 And, yeah, good luck.

00:36:17.120 Although you don't need it, because like I said, you can't lose.

00:36:21.820 There you go.

00:36:22.520 You can't lose, he said.

00:36:24.740 If you're already being aware and thinking about your choices, man, then I think you're already halfway there.

00:36:28.980 But best of luck to you, Jesse.

00:36:30.240 And we'll see you all of them, man.

00:36:31.500 You're going to get all of them hitters, you know.

00:36:33.260 All those response hitters and suggestions from different listeners.

00:36:38.200 Oh, we had some good calls that came in.

00:36:41.080 Dude, my eyes are heavy.

00:36:42.840 That's where I'm at.

00:36:43.680 So, I'm going to cruise through a few of these and get some rest.

00:36:47.120 I'm going to take care of myself better this week.

00:36:49.460 You know, I had a little bit of juice earlier.

00:36:51.600 And I juiced a couple of carrots. 0.96

00:36:55.880 And, dude, I never, look, I don't, you know, I ain't in all that serial killer type shit or nothing like that, right? 0.90

00:37:02.020 I mean, I watched some Dateline and stuff like that.

00:37:05.360 But I don't know if you ever used a juicer or not. 1.00

00:37:09.540 But, dude, you start to think, fuck, maybe I could be a murderer, bruh. 0.99

00:37:15.640 Dude, you take a whole carrot and just, and it's just spinning and just juicing everywhere. 1.00

00:37:23.480 And you can hear, just hear the carrot just screaming, just, I didn't do it.

00:37:29.040 I don't know anything.

00:37:32.340 Then you cut up an apple and just put the slices down there.

00:37:35.740 Just, I already told you everything.

00:37:41.200 And then you cut up a grapefruit and get all them little juicy little, them little Savoir Fairs, them little slices.

00:37:50.020 And you just, you just dangle it over the little juicer, just spinning, just, just, just slashing little juicer thing.

00:37:58.740 And you can hear the little grapefruit sliver just being like, please, please, please.

00:38:05.840 And then you just drop it in there. 0.99

00:38:10.540 And you do that with all of his buddies, too, the whole fucking grapefruity family. 0.99

00:38:16.240 The next thing you know, man, you're sipping on that cup of Juicy Juicy Hitter. 0.99

00:38:21.260 And you're like, dang.

00:38:24.240 I don't, I thought I wanted just juice, but I might.

00:38:28.900 I might want to be involved in the dark arts.

00:38:31.360 And that's what I've been noticing about myself when I start juicing.

00:38:36.540 Let's take another call that came into the hotline.

00:38:39.220 Here we go.

00:38:41.880 Hi, Theo.

00:38:42.640 It's Vispa from Spokane.

00:38:45.100 There was an unnamed caller called regarding being afraid of commitments.

00:38:50.740 And you said you're afraid of being locked into another reality, not wanting to be locked into another truth.

00:38:59.200 But.

00:38:59.220 Yeah, that was last week.

00:39:01.280 I was talking about commitment and how.

00:39:05.000 Yeah, I feel like if I commit to something or one of the my feet, one of my fears of the reason why I struggle sometimes.

00:39:11.500 With commitment is because if I commit to something, then like my story ends, you know, and I'm locked into like a reality, you know, locked into like a way of life.

00:39:29.360 And I never, as a child, I didn't feel comfortable being locked into a way of life.

00:39:36.140 Onward.

00:39:36.700 Have you considered that, you know, having deep experiences with someone else, whether it's a friend or girlfriend can be.

00:39:46.160 A woman, at least, give me that credit, Onward. 0.99

00:39:49.720 Some of your richest memories, you know, because when I look back on everything, as near and dear to me, it's what, you know, I experience and share with someone else that is really the best memories to me.

00:40:05.420 I respect that, man.

00:40:07.600 You know, yeah.

00:40:08.340 Yeah, it's interesting.

00:40:12.300 It's almost like something didn't even really happen if it didn't happen with someone else.

00:40:25.940 You know, if something happened just to you, it's almost sad.

00:40:32.520 You know, it's almost like the world only really, you only really get points in your heart for things that happen involving someone else, you know.

00:40:47.900 Onward.

00:40:49.260 Not that my happiness is dependent on another, you know, it never is.

00:40:53.580 That comes within, from within, but it's still those bonds that make life so fulfilling.

00:40:59.840 I want love for you as I have for me.

00:41:03.400 As long as you have self-love, I don't think you can lose yourself to someone else.

00:41:08.180 It only adds to your story and it doesn't lock you down.

00:41:12.180 I hope that you find that.

00:41:14.060 I love you, bro.

00:41:15.860 Gang, bro.

00:41:16.620 Gang, man.

00:41:17.380 I appreciate that.

00:41:19.600 You know, I think I still have a lot to like kind of, you know, figure out and work on in some of that world.

00:41:24.500 You know, because it's funny because recently I've been thinking, man, maybe I'll, you know, just kind of, you know, maybe I'll just be, you know, kind of a loner in that regard for the rest of my life, you know.

00:41:40.260 And not like in a sad way.

00:41:42.420 I'm not trying to be melancholy or melancholy, whichever one it is.

00:41:46.320 But just that, you know, at a certain point, it's like you just get, it's like I don't want to, I get tired of dealing with that type of, you know, the bother to create connections that I've really struggled to have sometimes.

00:42:00.260 And so sometimes it's like, you know, maybe that's not the best use of my time is to spend it trying to figure all of that out sometimes.

00:42:10.640 And maybe just, you know, focus on, you know, trying to help others and not, you know, maybe not even think, you know, not worry about my own stuff as much.

00:42:21.900 If I find more progress, then maybe I would feel differently.

00:42:26.300 But, but yeah, man, look, I appreciate your well wishes, dude.

00:42:32.040 And I appreciate you thinking about that kind of stuff with me.

00:42:35.640 You know, I think I'm a late bloomer, you know, and I'm kind of still, you know, I'm just kind of still learning.

00:42:43.880 I got that tadpole, you know, I got that tadpole in me.

00:42:48.180 So I got that baby heart, you know, I got that baby heart.

00:42:52.700 But, all right, let's take, let's hit this other call that came in onward.

00:42:56.860 Hey, this is Austin Mullen from Owensboro, Kentucky.

00:43:00.300 What's up, Austin?

00:43:00.920 I'll be in Lexington, Kentucky in December.

00:43:03.480 Thank you for calling Austin from Owensboro.

00:43:05.440 More?

00:43:06.620 And I've listened to your show and heard how you were struggling with cigarettes, man. 0.99

00:43:13.680 And then, oh, yeah, boy, them little, you know, them little nick of dicks, bro. 1.00

00:43:20.360 You know, next thing you know, you're sucking on one of them little baby white fucking lamb legs out in the front yard. 1.00

00:43:26.020 And, dude, when I smoke a cigarette, I'll start, I'll yell, I'll be yelling at, I'll start yelling at children and shit. 1.00

00:43:31.380 I don't even have children. 1.00

00:43:32.960 I'll be like, you motherfuckers, you know, get off. 1.00

00:43:38.000 You know, y'all using my damn shiffer robe as a bike ramp. 1.00

00:43:44.060 You know, I'll get pissed, dude. 0.99

00:43:46.480 I'll get keyed up, bro.

00:43:47.820 I'll roll my pants up, dude. 0.99

00:43:49.080 I used to roll my pants up all the way up to my fucking, right by my nuts, man, when I first started smoking. 0.99

00:43:55.660 You know, just to feel that fucking full body pulse when that nicotine hit my arteries, bro. 1.00

00:44:00.200 That shit would fire down my legs, dude. 1.00

00:44:03.820 And you could just feel that blood, just that nicotine just running up and down those fucking, you know, them long, naughty, naughty white stalks. 1.00

00:44:13.000 You know, them fucking Boo Radley goalposts that I called legs. 0.99

00:44:16.960 And them pale fucking aficionado, you know, them, them, just them pale parallel bars that I called legs. 0.99

00:44:26.580 And that nicotine would just hit, just, just race down each one of them. 0.98

00:44:32.380 You know, like Tony Stewart driving an electrical current, just, and I'd roll my pant legs all the way up. 0.99

00:44:40.900 You know, just to feel that full fucking body fervor of that nicotine just, God, you could feel it just ride right back up your ass when it came up. 0.99

00:44:50.460 Let's hear more. 0.99

00:44:51.200 I don't have any advice, per se, but I just want to say, like, I'm right there with you because, like, I don't know what to do, man, because I feel like I'd have to change who I am as a person when I quit smoking cigarettes.

00:45:04.340 And, like, I just don't know if I'm ready for that yet, but I want to quit because they made me feel terrible.

00:45:11.400 Man, I feel you, dude.

00:45:13.340 Dude, that's the truth.

00:45:14.360 They make me feel terrible.

00:45:17.240 Like, I don't even enjoy a cigarette if I smoke it.

00:45:22.040 I enjoy the first hit of that day.

00:45:25.780 And the other 17 hits I don't enjoy.

00:45:31.880 They make me feel terrible, man.

00:45:35.080 Onward.

00:45:35.880 But you know how it is in, like, a small town, man. 0.96

00:45:38.660 Everybody smokes cigarettes and drinks and fucks and smokes weed, man, so. 0.52

00:45:43.940 Oh, yeah, that's also how it is in everything. 0.96

00:45:48.200 Politics, big business, everything.

00:45:51.700 That's one thing I start to realize, man.

00:45:53.520 We kind of, like, people look at small towns and say, well, can you believe that? 0.99

00:45:57.560 Look at all the shit they're doing. 1.00

00:46:00.040 Everybody's doing the same shit. 1.00

00:46:01.860 But I feel you, man. 1.00

00:46:02.840 I will say this.

00:46:03.620 When you're in, like, more areas that are, you know, don't have as much access, then, yeah, like, you're not going to be doing as much cocaine, maybe, as you would be in New York City.

00:46:13.980 Whereas in Owensboro or a smaller town, you know, you might be just, you know, having cigarettes and liquor.

00:46:18.920 More?

00:46:19.360 I don't really know what to do, so I was wondering if you had any concerns or comments or tips on how to not feel that way, like, smoking is part of my lifestyle.

00:46:31.840 You know, I think there is something there.

00:46:34.960 Like, you know, part of it is it's nice to go relax. 0.99

00:46:38.120 You know, it's nice to sometimes sit out and have a cigarette and get you that puffy, you know, and play Magic Dragon with yourself out in the front yard, you know, and look and wink at the neighbor's wife and do that kind of shit. 0.98

00:46:51.860 And, you know, you know, maybe pull your zipper down and flash that cack meat real fast or something and be wild. 0.98

00:46:59.960 But the problem for me is when I get addicted.

00:47:05.000 When I'm then, but then, so then it's like I'm not just enjoying one cigarette.

00:47:09.000 Then next thing you know, I've enjoyed two cigarettes.

00:47:11.580 And the third cigarette I'm not enjoying.

00:47:15.000 And the second one I didn't really enjoy.

00:47:17.620 And the second half of the first one I didn't really enjoy.

00:47:20.960 So that's when it gets tricky is when it starts to become an addiction because the first half of the first one, yeah, that's me.

00:47:27.740 It's kind of my, maybe it's part of an identity in the evening.

00:47:30.560 It's a relaxation.

00:47:31.580 It's part of a ritual.

00:47:33.420 But then the subsequent ones, that's not even me making that choice.

00:47:38.020 The one thing that I do find for me that helps me get away from even doing that at all is if I meditate.

00:47:45.220 If I meditate, then I'm not making just, I'm not reacting and getting a cigarette.

00:47:51.660 I am instead choosing, my brain, it just gives my brain a little more peace so my brain can be like, oh, I don't want a cigarette.

00:47:59.820 Instead of my brain just thinking cigarette, get cigarette.

00:48:02.020 My brain will think cigarette and then I, separate from my brain, will be like, nah, I'm okay.

00:48:09.520 Meditation gives me that space.

00:48:11.060 It gives me the space between my brain and myself so I can make choices.

00:48:15.860 All right, let's take another call that came in.

00:48:18.100 Onward.

00:48:18.940 What up, Theo?

00:48:20.200 This is Austin from Brentwood.

00:48:22.680 What's up, Austin from Brentwood?

00:48:24.280 And that could be Brentwood, Tennessee or Brentwood, California.

00:48:26.980 Let's hear more.

00:48:27.680 Not the O.J. Simpson one either.

00:48:29.180 We got them sweet white corn hitters up here, baby. 1.00

00:48:32.580 Okay, you on them corn hitters. 0.95

00:48:34.320 Onward.

00:48:35.000 I'm just calling in about my past weekend on Sunday.

00:48:40.460 I actually went out to low dive with my girlfriend at the time.

00:48:44.060 We went skydiving, boy.

00:48:46.420 Okay, you and the lady went skydiving.

00:48:49.260 And that's really, skydiving used to be the original going on a cruise.

00:48:52.960 Like if you wanted to kill your spouse, you'd go on a skydive with them and unhook them.

00:48:57.600 And now people do that on cruises.

00:48:59.240 You know, you get your girlfriend a fancy drink with, you know, a cut of pineapple hanging off the lip.

00:49:04.280 And, you know, you tell her to back up a little more, back up a little more while you're taking a picture of her. 0.89

00:49:09.440 And then, you know, you throw a little bit of cinnamon in her eyes or something and push her off the balcony.

00:49:14.520 But skydiving was the original back up, back up, cinnamon eye balcony trick that a lot of men are doing on cruises now.

00:49:23.800 Let's hear more.

00:49:24.520 It was out of this world.

00:49:27.360 We landed.

00:49:28.880 And eight years of being in a relationship with my girlfriend, I asked her to marry me.

00:49:34.300 And she said, yes, baby.

00:49:36.000 Woo! 0.99

00:49:36.820 Gang, gang, boy.

00:49:38.800 So you literally took that leap.

00:49:41.480 Wow, that's the best weekend right there.

00:49:43.880 And this is a submission for our best weekend.

00:49:46.280 More?

00:49:47.260 Spend a pretty penny on that ring, but it was all worth it.

00:49:50.740 Skydiving.

00:49:51.220 Now I got a fiancé.

00:49:53.780 Man, I don't know how much you could get much better than that.

00:49:56.800 Thank you, man.

00:49:57.900 Gang, gang, bro.

00:49:59.600 You got that fiancé, dude.

00:50:01.680 You're getting French, bro. 1.00

00:50:03.780 You're getting French, boy. 1.00

00:50:05.940 When you get French, man, that's when you get that fiancé. 0.98

00:50:09.640 And you sky dove.

00:50:10.680 Both of y'all landed.

00:50:11.500 And that's the good thing about skydiving is, this is why you go skydiving before you get engaged.

00:50:17.200 Because then you see if the Lord really wants y'all to both be together.

00:50:22.180 Because if he don't, then maybe only one of y'all's chutes opens.

00:50:30.360 You know what I'm saying?

00:50:34.180 That way you know.

00:50:36.680 That way you know if you're operating in the same vein as El Lord. 0.92

00:50:41.460 You know, as El Lordo.

00:50:43.560 So that's not a bad idea at all.

00:50:45.960 Go get out there and take your girl skydiving before you pop that ring out. 1.00

00:50:50.860 Because you don't know.

00:50:51.760 Maybe her thing doesn't open and God didn't want y'all to be together.

00:50:54.860 And bam, you can return that jewelry piece.

00:51:00.120 You know, you spend half the jewelry amount on, you know, maybe getting your girl a bad oak box center on the heaven.

00:51:06.220 And you back out in the world.

00:51:07.900 I'm just joking, man.

00:51:09.440 Man, I'm getting dark, dude.

00:51:10.820 I gotta get some rest.

00:51:11.780 Let's take another call.

00:51:13.160 Hey, Theo.

00:51:13.740 This is Parker.

00:51:15.120 I've heard you talk about pears before.

00:51:17.960 And how you like pears and how it's an underrated fruit.

00:51:20.800 Oh, I love pears, dude.

00:51:22.940 Pears, bro, make you feel like a vampire.

00:51:24.420 I bite into a pear. 1.00

00:51:25.640 Feel that shit run down me a face, dude. 1.00

00:51:28.180 Now what are you? 1.00

00:51:29.480 Not a vampire?

00:51:31.220 Think again.

00:51:32.100 More?

00:51:32.640 Onward, Parker.

00:51:33.480 But what do you think about cantaloupe?

00:51:35.880 Bruh, what do I think about cantaloupe?

00:51:38.580 I'll tell you, sir. 1.00

00:51:40.360 Cantaloupe is the most, A, bullshit thing I've ever seen. 1.00

00:51:44.760 It's underdeveloped, whatever it is. 1.00

00:51:47.140 It tastes like a premature baby watermelon. 0.98

00:51:49.540 And then here's the worst part is, cantaloupe have this dirty, dirty little cousin, this 0.97

00:51:56.320 green cousin, El Verde Sucio, and he is like, it's unripened fruit. 0.96

00:52:08.480 It's basically a chunk of unripenedness. 0.99

00:52:11.640 And they piddle that shit off on you. 0.99

00:52:14.220 Honeydew melon, they call it. 1.00

00:52:16.600 Honeydew melon, bro.

00:52:17.860 What is that?

00:52:19.680 What is honeydew melon?

00:52:21.120 French?

00:52:23.220 Dutch, dude? 1.00

00:52:25.100 So next thing you know, they're piddling this bullshit at you. 0.99

00:52:28.140 You go to a lot of these cheap diners out here in L.A. 1.00

00:52:30.720 In L.A., they got a lot of these cheap-ass fucking diners, bruh. 1.00

00:52:34.480 You know, they say it's quality meats and shit. 1.00

00:52:36.740 They got a C rating on the door. 1.00

00:52:38.760 They're fucking shmepping you over some, you know, just melon, you know, little melon balls 1.00

00:52:46.240 and fucking bullshit, you know, third, you know, you know, fake butter and all kind of 1.00

00:52:54.240 shit and just, you know, dipsy, you know, dirty magic hitters and all of that. 1.00

00:53:00.060 And that's where they give you the honeydew melon. 1.00

00:53:04.760 And that stuff is bullshit. 0.99

00:53:06.880 It doesn't, it tastes like, first of all, you shouldn't be eating it. 1.00

00:53:10.000 I don't know if you've ever had it, but you taste like your dang, like your tongue is going

00:53:13.440 to end up on some kind of list for even tasting it. 1.00

00:53:15.620 The shit tastes really, really young. 1.00

00:53:17.180 And it's not even, it's, and it's cheap. 1.00

00:53:21.380 The whole fucking thing probably costs 20 cents. 0.99

00:53:24.700 And they're out here piddling these big-ass chunks of it on the U and selling you that 1.00

00:53:30.420 shit at a premium. 1.00

00:53:32.280 Get the fuck out of here with that. 1.00

00:53:34.700 Take me to a real diner where they're serving pineapple. 0.99

00:53:38.560 These are the things that should be allowed in a fruit dish.

00:53:40.460 Pineapple, blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, raisins, bro, grapes, and that's it. 0.98

00:53:51.860 Not this other sheepy bullshit they're serving out here. 1.00

00:53:56.740 Not that shit. 1.00

00:53:58.620 Let's hear more. 0.99

00:54:00.080 I don't hear a lot of people talking about cantaloupe, and I just don't think that's right.

00:54:04.820 I just wanted to hear your thoughts on that delicious melon.

00:54:08.360 All right.

00:54:09.520 Later.

00:54:10.640 Delicious melon, dude.

00:54:13.080 Bro, you know who eats cantaloupes, man?

00:54:15.580 Women in the late 80s.

00:54:17.020 That's who.

00:54:18.160 And they haven't cottage cheese with them.

00:54:20.820 And who's even ever really heard of cottage cheese?

00:54:23.520 Where does it come from?

00:54:25.440 Never seen that.

00:54:27.400 Never seen whatever animal it comes out of.

00:54:30.200 But that's how I feel about it.

00:54:31.960 Let's take another call.

00:54:32.800 Onward.

00:54:33.320 Hey, Theo.

00:54:34.420 This is Buddy from Texas.

00:54:36.860 It's a rainy Monday morning, and I'm listening to the podcast.

00:54:41.460 And I saw you coming to Addison.

00:54:44.520 Well, apparently I missed the ticket sales price.

00:54:47.920 So I pulled up the stuff hub to see if I could find some tickets. 0.99

00:54:51.840 Some assholes are charging $85 to go see you. 0.99

00:54:55.520 So I'm not saying you ain't worth it, but do you want to get your opinion? 0.99

00:55:00.340 I'll tell you right now I'm not worth it.

00:55:03.380 I'm joking.

00:55:04.720 Look, here's the thing.

00:55:06.660 The market dictates the price people will pay.

00:55:11.560 So I'll say this to you, though.

00:55:14.400 Because now if somebody...

00:55:15.800 I don't feel like that that's the rightest move.

00:55:18.460 Especially the tickets are not very expensive, you know.

00:55:20.880 I never try to charge too much for a ticket.

00:55:23.620 Because I believe that everybody should be able to come and see the show.

00:55:28.180 Now there will be times where the tickets may be a little more.

00:55:32.540 There may be times where the tickets will be a little less.

00:55:35.640 But I believe that everyone should have the opportunity to come and see the show.

00:55:45.860 So yeah, would I buy those?

00:55:47.820 No.

00:55:49.020 Also, I'm going to be back here sometime in the spring.

00:55:53.320 So I told you that right now.

00:55:54.660 I don't know the date yet, but I know that that is a fact.

00:55:57.040 So why don't you just wait on Daddy, buddy?

00:55:59.220 And I'll come through over there.

00:56:01.680 Just take care of yourself. 1.00

00:56:02.900 Don't eat any fucking orange melon or green melon, bro. 1.00

00:56:07.020 That's bullshit. 1.00

00:56:07.920 What do you think of some assholes trying to charge that much money 1.00

00:56:11.860 when we hard-working people just trying to make it 0.99

00:56:16.220 and some assholes want to up the price just to go see the show? 1.00

00:56:22.960 All right. 0.99

00:56:23.160 Well, now if somebody bought 20 tickets and they're doing all that and jacking them up,

00:56:26.580 then, you know, may they get hit by lightning, bro.

00:56:29.780 Or may somebody pull a sword on them when they at a bus stop. 1.00

00:56:32.980 And they drinking a fucking milk or something. 1.00

00:56:34.820 Or, you know, one of those go-gurts. 1.00

00:56:36.360 One of them go-gurt hitters. 0.99

00:56:38.420 Because I'll be, damn, bro, it's hard when you've got a big milk up to your face 1.00

00:56:41.440 and somebody hits you with a fucking sword, boy. 1.00

00:56:44.460 Come on, bitch. 1.00

00:56:45.700 Get right. 1.00

00:56:46.880 Get right.

00:56:48.320 Let's hear another call.

00:56:49.520 Thank you for calling, dude.

00:56:50.980 And if I don't see you this time, I'll see you next time.

00:56:53.740 Hey, this is Evan from Texas.

00:56:55.580 So I keep hearing you bring up the bridges of Madison County.

00:57:00.320 Yeah, because it's a great movie, Evan.

00:57:01.680 Thank you for calling.

00:57:02.380 More.

00:57:02.680 And so I decided to watch it.

00:57:04.960 And I cried.

00:57:06.340 But it was because I was bored to tears.

00:57:08.400 And I was just wondering, is it a joke when you bring that up?

00:57:11.180 Or am I really just that dead inside?

00:57:13.380 I just want to hear your thoughts on that.

00:57:14.920 Well, I mean, I don't know if you're dead inside, but you probably are.

00:57:20.520 Because it's a great movie.

00:57:23.020 Well, look, do you know anything about love, Evan?

00:57:30.320 Huh? 0.68

00:57:31.600 Why don't you put your fingers up by your dang neck and see if you even have a pulse? 1.00

00:57:36.740 You little damn garden snake. 1.00

00:57:41.100 Because the bridges of Madison County have Clint Eastwood in it. 1.00

00:57:44.920 One of the 30 fucking greatest men ever. 0.90

00:57:48.240 He's basically Neil Armstrong, but he never left Earth. 0.98

00:57:52.600 It has, it's not Gloria Estefan.

00:57:56.220 Who is that lady? 1.00

00:57:59.760 Not Selena.

00:58:01.000 Who is it?

00:58:03.620 Oh, man. 1.00

00:58:06.340 Fuck. 1.00

00:58:06.860 I don't know. 1.00

00:58:08.020 It has a famous actress in it.

00:58:11.120 Who, oh, Marilyn Street. 0.97

00:58:12.560 And I get, yeah, I do get tired of hearing some of her, you know, I don't, that political rhetoric sometimes, but she's a great actress.

00:58:21.560 And they're in love, man.

00:58:25.640 It's got Iowa in it.

00:58:28.200 And it's got bridges, bruh.

00:58:31.020 And it's got side boob, dog. 1.00

00:58:34.260 What do you need, man? 1.00

00:58:35.740 You might want to take yourself to the damn ICU and have them hook that fucking machine up to you, the beep, beep, beep, and see if you got any upsy-daisies in you. 1.00

00:58:50.140 Or if you just all flat-leazy, dude. 1.00

00:58:53.060 Because I swear to God, bruh, your heartbeats sound like a damn Oklahoma prairie right now. 0.99

00:59:00.240 Me, nothing. 0.99

00:59:02.100 No gradient.

00:59:03.780 Get out there and find yourself a soul, son.

00:59:06.320 And here's how I would do it.

00:59:07.580 I would start, watch the movie Old Yeller, okay?

00:59:10.240 Then, watch 101 Dalmatians.

00:59:12.860 That's cartoon.

00:59:14.120 Then, do the movie Up.

00:59:16.160 It's about a senior citizen that gets his house taken away after his, by a bunch of balloons.

00:59:19.620 Then, Amistad, if you haven't seen that.

00:59:28.720 It's like about early, early cruise lines. 0.99

00:59:33.380 Then, watch probably League of Their Own, and your fucking heart will be open. 0.99

00:59:43.440 Let's hear more. 0.99

00:59:44.480 Onward, and one more call.

00:59:45.500 Hey, Theo.

00:59:47.300 It's Dan from Pittsburgh.

00:59:50.200 Gang, gang, dude.

00:59:51.260 I got Pink Eye up there in the Monongahela once. 0.99

00:59:54.220 And I got a blowjob one time over there behind that Giant Eagle. 0.96

01:00:00.000 That Giant Eagle grocery over there. 0.99

01:00:02.420 Out of Bucco's.

01:00:03.320 Yo-y-double yo-y.

01:00:04.960 Ding, ding, ding.

01:00:06.720 The Fruit Loop.

01:00:08.420 Old Cardinal Stalers blowing people in the sand trap.

01:00:12.660 And it's Shanley Park.

01:00:14.120 Ding, ding, ding.

01:00:15.500 Ding, ding.

01:00:17.000 Donnie, come down from there.

01:00:20.020 Let's hear more.

01:00:21.100 I just wanted to let everyone know to go out and vote.

01:00:25.620 Voting is really important, especially here in Pennsylvania.

01:00:29.300 We need everyone to vote to legalize marijuana recreationally.

01:00:34.840 I particularly need people to go out and vote because I had that right stripped away from me whenever I got caught selling marijuana.

01:00:46.140 And they gave me a felony.

01:00:48.660 So now that I have a felony charge, I can't vote.

01:00:51.120 And this is coming up. 0.98

01:00:53.640 And if it passes, I can work on getting my shit expunged and get a clean record. 0.97

01:01:00.100 So please, everyone out there in Pennsylvania, please vote. 0.91

01:01:04.700 Thanks, Theo.

01:01:05.600 I love what you do.

01:01:07.100 Gang, gang.

01:01:08.200 Gang, gang, bro.

01:01:09.420 And I hope you get free.

01:01:11.420 You know what I'm saying?

01:01:12.320 Free weed, baby. 0.98

01:01:13.380 That's that dude right there.

01:01:14.600 And they should let you go, man, because you're just a little guy out there with that pot, with that dope. 0.94

01:01:20.780 You're just a plant. 0.88

01:01:22.260 You're just one of Mother Nature's haberdashers. 1.00

01:01:24.280 You're just trying to fit people with that junk. 0.99

01:01:29.020 And you shouldn't be bad, bro. 0.98

01:01:31.740 You know?

01:01:32.960 You shouldn't be, you know, just held liable for that forever.

01:01:38.700 So, yeah, man, I hope that you get taken care of, bro.

01:01:43.020 I hope you get taken care of and you get treated well and the weed gets passed.

01:01:47.600 And you know what, man?

01:01:48.520 I think it would be nice if from now on we just voted on things that we wanted and things that we didn't.

01:01:54.500 You know?

01:01:55.440 Quit voting to spend all this money for all these, you know, these Muppets out there to run around.

01:02:01.020 Even though, dude, watching, some politics is fun, dude, watching all these people get mad at each other online and everything. 1.00

01:02:06.680 That shit is hilarious, bro. 0.99

01:02:08.600 Watching a bunch of disconnected people get mad at each other about everything. 1.00

01:02:14.680 I fucking love it, dude. 0.88

01:02:17.180 I just don't see how at a certain point your ego has to infect, like, I don't know. 0.98

01:02:24.680 Politician is a, just, that whole thing is just, I don't know.

01:02:28.780 So, I just, just want to wake up in fortnight.

01:02:33.020 All right, we got one last call for this week, man.

01:02:35.760 Thank you guys for bearing with me, Joe.

01:02:37.280 I just feel like I'm not even making any sense.

01:02:39.740 I'm just so tired.

01:02:41.240 Here we go.

01:02:42.860 Hey, Theo.

01:02:44.180 This is John calling from Long Island, New York.

01:02:47.440 Big Johnny from the L.I.

01:02:50.140 More?

01:02:50.480 Just listening to your New Digs episode, and you're talking about, I mean, think about the future.

01:02:55.620 I do that a lot, too, you know.

01:02:57.780 Sprinkle little dark arts in a cigar and light it up.

01:03:01.620 You start thinking about the future.

01:03:03.020 And I was just wondering if you ever considered, I think about this sometimes,

01:03:07.140 how impactful small decisions that we make in the present could be in the future.

01:03:11.900 That could be in a range of things.

01:03:13.660 I mean, there's a million examples, you know.

01:03:16.000 So, solving a problem today, a product that you create could change the world however many years in the future.

01:03:22.760 And that just blows my mind, you know.

01:03:24.420 Like, some dude invented plastic, you know.

01:03:27.180 And at the time, it was the most convenient thing in the effing world, you know. 0.99

01:03:31.020 They were like, oh, we can store shit, man. 0.99

01:03:33.340 That's just one weird example. 0.99

01:03:34.800 But it's crazy how the small decisions that people make and the small inventions that get created in the present day

01:03:41.080 will have such a massive impact later on that we might not even be around for it.

01:03:44.860 We might not even be aware of what it could be or is going to be.

01:03:48.680 And it's just mind-blown, bro.

01:03:52.100 Gang, gang.

01:03:52.900 Let me hear your thoughts, baby.

01:03:54.620 Gang, gang.

01:03:55.300 John in the L.I.

01:03:56.720 That Long Island, baby.

01:03:58.160 Strong Island.

01:03:59.940 Dude, thanks for calling, man.

01:04:01.500 You know, I always, you know, part of me always wanted, you know,

01:04:04.220 I like that movie Newsies and I always wanted to be a New York boy, you know.

01:04:07.800 I always wish I had that kind of heart and that pomp and that, you know, that bravado, you know,

01:04:14.860 and always wanted to be a part of something when I was young.

01:04:18.400 And I always, you know, I saw it, that movie Newsies is another movie you want to fall in love with yourself,

01:04:23.380 get out there. 1.00

01:04:24.340 Imagine you a fucking paper boy. 1.00

01:04:26.000 And you got to sing, too, on, you know, in the afternoon shift. 1.00

01:04:31.060 Fucking unreal shit those kids went to, went through. 1.00

01:04:34.560 You got to dress up like, you know, like a 70-year-old and sing and fucking deliver papers, bruh. 1.00

01:04:40.400 We would fall apart today. 0.99

01:04:42.520 We don't know what those men did.

01:04:44.800 Watch Newsies, man.

01:04:46.020 But to get back to your question, yeah.

01:04:52.160 Dude, I think, look, I think we don't know the effects of cell phones on people.

01:04:59.040 There's no way they tested a cell phone on somebody for 40 years to find out what, you know,

01:05:03.900 what effects it was going to have.

01:05:06.920 Dude, and some of the effects are so obvious to us.

01:05:10.540 And that, you know, of cell phone, it's like now our cell phone has become us.

01:05:16.880 You know, try putting your phone out and walking away from it.

01:05:19.920 You feel like you don't have any memory.

01:05:21.620 You don't have any memories.

01:05:22.840 You don't have any ideas.

01:05:23.960 You don't have any, you have no friends.

01:05:27.280 It's crazy.

01:05:28.300 It's crazy.

01:05:29.640 But, yeah, do we know?

01:05:32.180 Do we know, like, the long-term effects of things?

01:05:36.800 I mean, and it even could go back to a long time ago.

01:05:39.920 If you think, like, you know, maybe there's a group that had first come to America

01:05:43.880 and they're settling or they're, you know, taking over the land or something

01:05:48.180 and they decide to make a road and they make it one way instead of the other way

01:05:51.860 just for no real reason.

01:05:55.160 And who knows if that changed the course of history.

01:05:57.420 You know, maybe then somebody grew up alongside of the road

01:06:00.540 and the road was, you know, right next to a, you know, where they had a bear lived

01:06:07.720 and then a baby got attacked by a bear or kidnapped by bears.

01:06:13.040 You know, and then next thing you know, the baby's out there getting raised by bears.

01:06:17.080 And then next thing you know, they got that Jungle Book movie.

01:06:19.700 But if they pick the road the other way, then nothing.

01:06:24.660 You know, the baby just grows up by a road.

01:06:28.300 So it's just, but yeah, man, it's like, what could happen?

01:06:34.760 What could happen if you start something small right now?

01:06:39.240 What could happen if you make a choice

01:06:41.060 to do something a little better for yourself tomorrow?

01:06:44.380 What could happen?

01:06:45.000 What could happen if I made a choice to really, you know,

01:06:49.380 commit to trying and being in love, you know?

01:06:53.220 Or if I made a choice to really, uh,

01:06:56.600 I don't know.

01:07:01.140 But yeah, what could happen?

01:07:03.800 What could happen if you made a choice

01:07:05.340 instead of being angry at somebody you're angry at to forgive them?

01:07:09.640 What could happen?

01:07:10.520 What could happen?

01:07:15.000 You know, what could happen if you decided

01:07:18.220 to take the news off your phone?

01:07:20.100 That's what I find.

01:07:20.860 You know, I'd have the news off my phone forever.

01:07:23.200 And then at some point I put it back on.

01:07:25.260 And then I just decided to take it off.

01:07:27.180 And immediately things have been better.

01:07:31.820 What could happen if I started really believing

01:07:33.920 that the good things in the world could be mine?

01:07:40.820 What could happen?

01:07:41.660 And I know you meant that on some different levels,

01:07:46.080 but I'm just kind of piecing those things together, man.

01:07:49.780 That if we make choices and we move forward,

01:07:52.220 what could happen?

01:07:55.660 Because this is it.

01:07:56.780 This is life.

01:07:59.460 This is it.

01:08:01.440 There's no,

01:08:02.140 you're not going to kind of get through, you know,

01:08:03.980 this and then it's going to be,

01:08:05.520 now there could be something else.

01:08:07.180 There could be reincarnations

01:08:07.660 reincarnations

01:08:08.500 where you wake up in different nations.

01:08:10.880 You're reincarnated in different nations.

01:08:13.600 But for now,

01:08:14.980 this is it.

01:08:18.300 So what's your seeds going to look like?

01:08:21.520 What you going to plant?

01:08:24.300 What you going to create?

01:08:26.900 What are you going to leave around?

01:08:30.220 You know, I thought about that.

01:08:31.580 I was thinking about,

01:08:32.400 man, I want to do some comedy

01:08:33.620 and just do like a rural tour.

01:08:35.420 Or, you know,

01:08:37.360 maybe every year or every other year

01:08:38.900 for a week or two

01:08:40.360 throughout the Midwest

01:08:41.300 or just in rural areas.

01:08:42.920 People that don't get it.

01:08:46.460 You know,

01:08:46.980 because when I lay it by my graveside,

01:08:50.160 you know,

01:08:51.680 I want to be able to,

01:08:52.780 I want to be able to think about something

01:08:56.140 good that I did.

01:08:58.820 Something that wasn't to make money

01:08:59.940 or something that wasn't to like advance a career.

01:09:02.240 Something that wasn't,

01:09:03.080 just something to make people feel good.

01:09:06.760 Not just me feel good.

01:09:10.520 You know?

01:09:11.880 Because I imagine there's people out there

01:09:13.360 in this country that had,

01:09:14.240 they probably hadn't even,

01:09:15.000 maybe they saw a comedian in their town

01:09:17.240 when they were,

01:09:17.940 you know,

01:09:18.240 50 years ago

01:09:19.060 and haven't seen one since.

01:09:22.160 You know,

01:09:22.700 but yeah,

01:09:23.020 there was just a little thought,

01:09:24.360 a seed,

01:09:25.380 a thought seed

01:09:26.140 that passed through my head.

01:09:27.220 But it's interesting,

01:09:30.420 brother.

01:09:30.660 Well,

01:09:30.800 you know,

01:09:31.000 what do we,

01:09:32.140 what seeds can we plant now?

01:09:36.100 You know,

01:09:36.560 you could call someone,

01:09:37.360 you've been,

01:09:37.600 you've been putting it off

01:09:38.800 for an apology.

01:09:41.080 You could call someone 0.99

01:09:41.920 that fucking wronged you 0.99

01:09:43.100 and take part in it. 0.99

01:09:47.180 Oh,

01:09:47.580 hey,

01:09:47.740 I know that you wronged me,

01:09:48.900 you know?

01:09:49.800 I know that your ancestors

01:09:51.120 did this to me,

01:09:52.180 but you know what?

01:09:52.780 I'm not gonna,

01:09:53.820 I'm moving forward. 1.00

01:09:55.180 I'm not gonna let that shit 1.00

01:09:56.900 rip around in my head all day. 1.00

01:10:01.120 You know,

01:10:01.580 I'm not gonna teach that

01:10:02.480 to my children.

01:10:06.040 And I'm not saying that,

01:10:07.220 look,

01:10:07.380 I'm just saying that,

01:10:08.440 you know,

01:10:09.620 what seed could you plant?

01:10:13.220 Look,

01:10:13.740 you know,

01:10:14.140 you could plant a seed

01:10:14.940 in your own family

01:10:15.800 and you know,

01:10:16.580 your son said,

01:10:17.520 hey,

01:10:17.800 years ago I taught you something

01:10:19.180 and I shouldn't have taught you that.

01:10:21.880 Plant a seed of something new.

01:10:23.360 Tomorrow you could get up

01:10:25.860 a little early

01:10:26.400 and go for a walk.

01:10:28.900 Grab your wife's hand 1.00

01:10:29.900 before you go to bed,

01:10:30.780 put her sneakers by the bed

01:10:31.960 and just say,

01:10:34.140 you know,

01:10:34.340 for 10 minutes

01:10:34.960 before,

01:10:35.480 you know,

01:10:35.740 the baby wakes up,

01:10:37.680 you and me,

01:10:38.200 let's go for a walk.

01:10:39.040 Let's let the Lord

01:10:39.760 watch the baby

01:10:40.480 for a few minutes

01:10:41.320 and you and me

01:10:42.660 go walk around the block.

01:10:46.940 You know,

01:10:47.440 what can we do?

01:10:48.180 What seed can we plant?

01:10:49.860 That's a good question.

01:10:50.840 What effect can we have

01:10:54.280 on our future selves?

01:10:57.380 I bet we can.

01:10:59.340 I bet we can,

01:11:00.500 man.

01:11:00.620 We can enjoy it.

01:11:01.740 It's Halloween time.

01:11:03.560 The chakras are open.

01:11:05.900 You can hear the graveyards

01:11:08.380 opening up.

01:11:11.300 The portals are ajar

01:11:13.840 and the deceased

01:11:17.880 are returning.

01:11:21.200 And whether you're alive

01:11:22.760 or pseudo-alive,

01:11:27.900 you got an opportunity

01:11:30.480 to celebrate living.

01:11:32.340 Celebrate living.

01:11:49.880 Celebrate misery.

01:11:54.040 You know that soon 0.96

01:11:56.280 we're gonna die. 0.87

01:11:58.060 Let's have some fun 0.99

01:12:03.140 while we all die.

01:12:07.400 Celebrate dark days. 0.96

01:12:10.800 Celebrate all your pain.

01:12:15.400 All of your demons exercised.

01:12:22.220 Let's have some fun 0.98

01:12:24.020 while we all die.

01:12:26.120 Have a great one.

01:12:27.840 And be good to yourself.

01:12:34.440 Be good to yourself, guys.

01:12:37.400 It's a special time of year

01:12:38.800 and you can make it special.

01:12:40.620 Be good to yourself, man.

01:12:41.660 You probably deserve it.

01:12:42.800 I love you.

01:12:44.000 See you next week.

01:12:44.660 Ladies and gentlemen,

01:12:47.440 I'm Jonathan Kite

01:12:48.360 and welcome to Kite Club,

01:12:50.040 a podcast where I'll be sharing

01:12:51.560 thoughts on things

01:12:52.400 like current events,

01:12:53.720 stand-up stories,

01:12:54.760 and seven ways

01:12:55.660 to pleasure your partner.

01:12:57.440 The answer may shock you.

01:12:59.180 Sometimes I'll interview

01:13:00.100 my friends.

01:13:01.240 Sometimes I won't.

01:13:02.920 And as always,

01:13:03.760 I'll be joined

01:13:04.320 by the voices in my head.

01:13:05.980 You have three

01:13:07.120 new voice messages.

01:13:08.440 A lot of people

01:13:09.940 are talking about

01:13:10.840 Kite Club.

01:13:11.780 I've been talking

01:13:12.580 about Kite Club

01:13:13.480 for so long,

01:13:14.420 longer than anybody else.

01:13:16.120 So great.

01:13:17.420 Hi,

01:13:18.080 sweetheart.

01:13:19.100 Here's a deal.

01:13:20.400 Anyone who doesn't

01:13:21.280 listen to Kite Club 1.00

01:13:22.220 is a dodgy bloody wanker. 1.00

01:13:24.360 Jermaine. 1.00

01:13:25.600 Ho-ho! 1.00

01:13:26.420 I'll take a quarter pounder

01:13:27.780 with cheese

01:13:28.260 and a McFlurry.

01:13:29.440 Sorry, sir,

01:13:29.900 but our ice cream machine

01:13:30.660 is broken.

01:13:31.520 Ho-ho-ho! 1.00

01:13:32.780 No!

01:13:33.120 I think Tom Hanks

01:13:35.000 just butt-dialed me.

01:13:36.260 Anyway,

01:13:36.920 first rule of Kite Club

01:13:37.920 is tell everyone

01:13:39.380 about Kite Club.

01:13:40.440 Second rule of Kite Club

01:13:41.580 is tell everyone

01:13:43.220 about Kite Club.

01:13:44.660 Third rule,

01:13:45.580 like and subscribe

01:13:46.360 wherever you listen

01:13:47.260 to podcasts

01:13:47.800 or watch us on YouTube,

01:13:49.760 yeah?

01:13:50.420 And yes,

01:13:50.980 don't worry,

01:13:51.700 my Brad Pitt impression

01:13:52.700 will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - October 22, 2018

Make a Choice ｜ This Past Weekend #141

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