This Past Weekend with Theo Von - January 30, 2020


Mark Normand ｜ This Past Weekend #258

Topics
porn cancelling Hari Shafir Brendan Schaub cats peeing in sink dad's struggle stand up comedy growing up in Louisiana minority experiences moving away from big cities Donnell Rawlings anxiety medication TM and TMZ influence urban culture Dog the Bounty Hunter engagement anxiety Adesanya fight Hammond Southeastern Bag of Donuts Fajitas
Hosted by
Theo Von
Mentioned
Mark Norman Theo Vaughn Gang Kobe Bryant Nick Manifesto Dude Mardi Gras World Blu-ray Lucy Andrew Schultz Chris Brown Joe Rogan Rebirth Bill Dykes Hamilton Poirier Puberty Wilson Shane Gillis Dave Attell Sam Perkins and 130 more
Bobby Lee 3 ｜ This Past Weekend #256 Yung Gravy & Dirt Nasty ｜ This Past Weekend #259

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 17 minutes

Words per minute

226.74

Word count

31,133

Sentence count

4,467

Harmful content

Misogyny

114

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,009

sentences flagged

Hate speech

155

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Comedian Mark Normand joins the boys to talk about his life growing up in Louisiana, how he got into stand-up comedy, and why he thinks the podcast should be called Stories, Baby . The boys also talk about what it's like to be a black comedian in LA, and what it s like to work at Blockbuster.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Today's guest is a fellow Louisiana native comedian.
00:00:05.180 He is one of a kind.
00:00:09.180 You can see him tonight at the La Jolla Comedy Store in San Diego
00:00:12.760 and touring all across America.
00:00:16.600 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Mark Normand.
00:00:19.220 Mr. Normand, shine that light on me
00:00:24.580 I'll sit and tell you a story
00:00:30.200 Shine that light on me
00:00:35.160 I'll sit and tell you a story
00:00:40.540 Are those prescriptions?
00:00:42.140 No.
00:00:43.520 Just going for it.
00:00:44.400 Yeah, I just like having...
00:00:47.180 I don't know what it is, man.
00:00:48.280 This year, I started feeling so uncomfortable sometimes
00:00:51.520 that sometimes it gives me like a little bit of like a...
00:00:55.080 I don't know if it almost makes me feel like I'm in disguise almost.
00:00:58.080 I do the same with sunglasses.
00:00:59.580 Do you?
00:00:59.900 I just feel better with sunglasses on.
00:01:01.140 It's like a poker game.
00:01:02.080 I don't want you to know what I'm doing, you know?
00:01:03.920 Yeah.
00:01:04.820 Yeah, I think I have this constant perception
00:01:06.580 or this constant fear
00:01:07.780 something that everybody knows what I'm thinking
00:01:09.740 even though they don't.
00:01:10.560 Me too!
00:01:11.260 That's why I can't look people in the eye
00:01:12.600 because I feel like they can see into my head
00:01:14.140 in a weird...
00:01:15.620 This is all gold, by the way.
00:01:17.000 We're missing it.
00:01:18.180 No, we got it.
00:01:19.080 We got it. 1.00
00:01:19.700 Ah, shit, I blew it. 1.00
00:01:21.000 Hold on. 1.00
00:01:21.520 I'm gonna get a little closer.
00:01:22.520 I'm a weirdo.
00:01:23.380 No, these shares are limited.
00:01:25.360 That's the thing.
00:01:25.680 Yeah.
00:01:27.200 This is nice, man.
00:01:28.280 Good digs.
00:01:29.260 Yeah, thanks, man.
00:01:30.600 It's been a little over three years
00:01:32.240 that we've been podcasting now.
00:01:33.820 This is the new medium.
00:01:35.380 This is changing the game, you know?
00:01:36.900 It's interesting, huh?
00:01:37.960 Yeah, New York is way behind.
00:01:39.860 Yeah, why is that?
00:01:41.120 Do you feel like New York is behind in the podcast world? 0.97
00:01:43.220 Well, we're such purist cunts, you know? 0.61
00:01:45.940 We think we're cool and great 0.97
00:01:47.820 and it's all about the art.
00:01:49.480 And then over here, you guys are like,
00:01:51.180 well, I'd like to make some money.
00:01:52.600 Yeah.
00:01:53.120 You know?
00:01:53.740 And we don't have any money.
00:01:54.820 Look at Dave Attell.
00:01:55.720 Dave Attell is brilliant comedian,
00:01:57.940 funniest guy on the planet.
00:01:58.920 He's walking around with a CVS bag
00:02:00.440 and a black hoodie on.
00:02:02.380 Yeah, somebody said he had graffiti on his back
00:02:04.120 the other time I saw him.
00:02:04.980 Yeah, he probably fell asleep at a train station.
00:02:07.280 And then Joe Rogan is, you know,
00:02:09.580 driving 17 cars and living in a warehouse, you know?
00:02:14.040 Yeah, drinking space blood, yeah.
00:02:15.900 Yeah, yeah.
00:02:16.720 So we gotta take a little note from you guys on that.
00:02:21.100 Yeah, but it's kind of picking up.
00:02:22.360 You have a podcast.
00:02:23.360 Oh, yeah.
00:02:23.880 Oh, yeah.
00:02:24.280 Tuesdays with Stories, baby.
00:02:25.520 It's cooking, finally.
00:02:26.700 And I know people love Chris DiStefano
00:02:30.780 and Giannis' podcast.
00:02:32.360 They're killing it.
00:02:33.220 They're killing it. 1.00
00:02:34.120 Tim Dillon.
00:02:35.220 Oh, he moved here, actually.
00:02:37.280 He moved here?
00:02:37.960 He moved here. 1.00
00:02:38.580 Fat homo. 1.00
00:02:39.660 I know. 1.00
00:02:39.940 Damn it. 1.00
00:02:40.840 Well, we got Schultz. 1.00
00:02:42.420 Yeah, you got Schultz over there
00:02:43.540 leading in charge.
00:02:44.240 All right, all right.
00:02:45.540 Yeah.
00:02:46.340 He's got that.
00:02:46.860 That thing is so funny, Rob.
00:02:48.160 I know, it kills.
00:02:49.460 That guy is a marketing guru.
00:02:52.100 He's wild, bro.
00:02:53.100 He's such a sand Christian, isn't he? 1.00
00:02:55.000 Doesn't he?
00:02:55.220 When you look at him, he has a very...
00:02:56.920 If you look at Andrew Schultz,
00:02:58.300 where do you feel like he's from?
00:02:59.380 I feel like he has the most ambiguous...
00:03:02.240 Yeah.
00:03:02.260 I don't know what ambiguous means, but...
00:03:03.920 Jewy, Middle Easterny, or could be Italian,
00:03:07.060 could be Russian.
00:03:08.180 Yeah, you're right.
00:03:08.800 And he's got the cheese stash,
00:03:10.260 and that throws you off.
00:03:11.160 Is his Uber driver?
00:03:12.340 Is he a DJ?
00:03:13.460 Yeah.
00:03:13.820 Yeah. 0.99
00:03:14.360 Porn star? 1.00
00:03:14.620 He would drive Uber black, though. 0.99
00:03:16.060 Yes.
00:03:16.940 Yes, exactly. 0.99
00:03:18.200 And he would know about all the cool nightclubs and shit. 1.00
00:03:21.040 He'd have probably some pussy in the trunk. 1.00
00:03:23.980 Oh, trunk pussy. 1.00
00:03:25.080 That's the best kind. 1.00
00:03:25.920 Something would be in the trunk that was for sale
00:03:28.240 if he were driving Uber black.
00:03:29.500 Right, right. 1.00
00:03:30.480 Yeah, it's like old VCRs or some shit. 0.98
00:03:32.560 Or Blu-ray. 0.98
00:03:33.280 I bet he'd have Blu-ray.
00:03:34.820 What is Blu-ray?
00:03:36.000 I've always heard about it.
00:03:37.140 Is that the Uber black of DVD?
00:03:38.920 I think it is.
00:03:39.520 I think it's just something else
00:03:40.580 that they try to really upsell people on,
00:03:42.660 because I don't think it really,
00:03:43.620 Blu-ray never really took off.
00:03:44.960 Well, I worked at Blockbuster, not bragging,
00:03:47.120 and it was like the Blu-ray section was like, 0.99
00:03:49.220 oh, shit, look at this guy. 0.99
00:03:50.260 It was like VIP. 1.00
00:03:51.180 It was velvet roped and had bottle service over there.
00:03:53.900 It was different.
00:03:55.040 But I never got it.
00:03:57.440 Yeah, I never had Blu-ray.
00:03:58.880 Actually, it scared me because it seemed like
00:04:00.980 it wasn't going to catch on.
00:04:03.080 Yes, yes, exactly, exactly.
00:04:05.340 That's why I never did it.
00:04:06.720 Like Bitcoin.
00:04:07.800 Yeah.
00:04:08.360 I heard there was a huge fight in the beginning
00:04:12.240 between HD DVDs and Blu-ray.
00:04:14.920 They were kind of like similar,
00:04:16.360 both better than regular DVDs,
00:04:18.120 but Blu-ray won because the porn industry adopted it.
00:04:20.920 Oh, porn is big.
00:04:23.640 Porn is so powerful. 0.99
00:04:25.240 Do you watch?
00:04:26.240 I try not to watch,
00:04:27.500 but I have watched probably within the last 11 hours.
00:04:29.760 Same, same, yeah.
00:04:31.760 I had a blocker on my phone,
00:04:33.040 and it quit working.
00:04:34.120 Once the blocker worked on my phone,
00:04:35.580 it worked for about two and a half years.
00:04:36.980 You had a cock blocker. 0.98
00:04:38.000 Yeah, literally. 0.99
00:04:39.800 Bro, it wiped it out of my eye.
00:04:41.400 There was no,
00:04:41.920 I can't access it on my computer,
00:04:43.520 but on my phone I can,
00:04:44.620 and I need to get a new blocker.
00:04:46.840 Yeah, but it's tough.
00:04:47.640 But it changed my game.
00:04:48.160 When I got the phone blocker,
00:04:49.700 I was off for months and months.
00:04:51.080 Well, you know porn is dangerous
00:04:52.180 because if you don't watch it for five days
00:04:54.140 and then you look at it again,
00:04:55.000 you're like, whoa!
00:04:56.160 It comes all back to you like,
00:04:57.840 this is amazing,
00:04:58.820 but it's bad for you.
00:05:00.300 It hits all the senses.
00:05:01.560 It's too much.
00:05:02.120 It's like ketchup.
00:05:03.080 It's too dark, yeah.
00:05:04.000 Yeah, yeah, 1.00
00:05:04.740 and you can see anal and Asians and Jews. 0.99
00:05:07.940 It's tough. 0.99
00:05:09.300 And are there,
00:05:09.720 I don't know,
00:05:10.200 is there a Jew section on there?
00:05:12.140 I don't know.
00:05:12.800 There should be. 0.98
00:05:13.480 There should be like Nazi porn. 0.98
00:05:15.940 Yeah. 0.99
00:05:16.280 There's every other kind of porn. 0.99
00:05:17.380 There's racist porn. 0.99
00:05:18.300 There is? 0.99
00:05:18.780 That's a category. 0.99
00:05:19.920 Racist porn? 0.98
00:05:20.500 Yeah, and it's like, 1.00
00:05:21.440 oh, they get the Asian, 1.00
00:05:23.360 they throw in egg rolls at her and shit. 1.00
00:05:25.320 I mean, I didn't make that up. 0.99
00:05:27.180 That's real.
00:05:27.840 Yeah, no.
00:05:28.560 It doesn't seem like something
00:05:29.560 you would just fabricate.
00:05:30.820 If it was,
00:05:31.640 it'd be pretty good.
00:05:33.240 China has Nazi-themed bars.
00:05:35.740 Oh, I could see that.
00:05:36.880 Yeah, but it's not like we hate Jews.
00:05:38.420 It's just they already existed
00:05:39.460 and that's a theme.
00:05:41.400 Have you been over there to do stand-up?
00:05:43.460 I did some Shanghai
00:05:44.360 and I saw the Great Wall and all that.
00:05:46.600 Yeah.
00:05:47.000 Not a humorous people.
00:05:48.540 Mm-mm.
00:05:49.120 I mean, we're doing better now
00:05:50.420 with the Ali Wongs.
00:05:51.960 Is she Chinese?
00:05:53.020 Oh.
00:05:53.440 Oh, boy.
00:05:54.080 Here we go.
00:05:54.500 I'm Shane Gillis-ing right now.
00:05:56.400 But, yeah, yeah.
00:05:57.820 He's Chinese enough, I think.
00:05:59.120 Yeah, something's up.
00:06:01.180 Ronnie Chang,
00:06:02.640 he's gotta be Chinese.
00:06:03.420 He's gotta be Chinese. 0.89
00:06:04.320 If he's not Chinese, dude, 1.00
00:06:05.440 then we quit.
00:06:06.180 Yeah, if he's not Chinese, 0.97
00:06:07.800 he's Russian.
00:06:08.980 Oh, she's from Pacific Heights.
00:06:10.340 She's from San Francisco.
00:06:11.400 Oh, so there you go.
00:06:12.620 Yeah.
00:06:12.920 That's Chinatown.
00:06:13.960 Yeah, that's the trolley Chinese, 1.00
00:06:16.080 they call him.
00:06:16.680 She's very funny.
00:06:17.980 Big fan of the Wong.
00:06:19.160 Yeah.
00:06:20.840 Oh, Kobe.
00:06:21.760 So I went into Pornhub last night.
00:06:23.640 I went into the search
00:06:24.280 because I like the compilations.
00:06:25.880 Mm-hmm.
00:06:26.260 And Kobe Bryant was the first thing
00:06:28.700 that popped up.
00:06:29.460 Wow.
00:06:30.000 Isn't that wild?
00:06:30.640 That means that's how people mourn.
00:06:32.220 People want to get in there
00:06:33.160 and see Kobe Bryant pornography?
00:06:35.280 I guess. 0.84
00:06:35.560 You think those are women 1.00
00:06:35.960 that look like Kobe
00:06:36.760 or is it men?
00:06:38.480 I didn't click on it
00:06:39.820 but I think it's, 0.94
00:06:41.020 I guess ladies or gay guys 0.98
00:06:42.860 are like, 1.00
00:06:43.280 I want to fuck 1.00
00:06:44.620 or watch a Kobe-like guy fuck. 1.00
00:06:47.280 I'm sure there's a lot of men 0.99
00:06:48.980 who are getting
00:06:50.340 like kind of lean gay men 0.99
00:06:53.200 who are black men,
00:06:54.600 tall men
00:06:55.160 who are getting probably
00:06:55.940 extra work right now
00:06:56.960 on the escort circuit.
00:06:58.100 Yes.
00:06:58.240 Yes.
00:06:58.780 Isn't that weird?
00:06:59.640 Like this guy died,
00:07:00.660 let's bring him in.
00:07:01.680 Yeah, do you have a jersey?
00:07:02.620 Come on over.
00:07:03.220 Yeah, I wouldn't think like that.
00:07:04.880 Uh-uh.
00:07:05.160 You know, I liked Ralphie May
00:07:06.800 but I'm not Googling that
00:07:08.760 although he's not sexy but.
00:07:10.480 Yeah, but I'm not going to eat
00:07:11.180 40 Tyson dinners 0.93
00:07:12.340 and jerk off somewhere. 0.93
00:07:13.620 Yeah, exactly. 0.99
00:07:14.860 Yeah.
00:07:15.220 Exactly.
00:07:16.000 And R.I.P. Ralphie May.
00:07:16.920 That's so crazy how,
00:07:18.320 it's so wild how quickly
00:07:20.420 someone goes from being here
00:07:22.500 to being gone, isn't it?
00:07:23.580 It's just so.
00:07:24.460 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:25.640 And it's an eye opener.
00:07:26.660 You kind of go, 1.00
00:07:27.180 shit, I could go in any minute. 1.00
00:07:28.760 I got family 1.00
00:07:29.700 and then my friends
00:07:30.820 and what if they go
00:07:31.800 and yeah,
00:07:33.040 he had a lot more to do
00:07:33.860 I feel like.
00:07:34.420 Do you, yeah.
00:07:36.000 That's the feeling.
00:07:37.460 And also,
00:07:38.060 and also that he just got done
00:07:39.540 really working like.
00:07:40.960 Yeah.
00:07:41.400 You know,
00:07:41.780 that whole stretch of like
00:07:43.060 being a athlete like
00:07:45.280 even though it's glorified
00:07:46.840 and stuff a lot of times
00:07:47.740 and it's a popular job
00:07:48.900 and people love seeing it,
00:07:50.300 it's also,
00:07:50.820 it's still a ton of work.
00:07:52.000 It's like.
00:07:52.500 Oh yeah.
00:07:52.740 That man was,
00:07:53.420 I mean he played
00:07:53.820 in the summer leagues,
00:07:54.660 he played on the Olympic teams
00:07:55.700 and that was working
00:07:56.580 for 20 years.
00:07:57.660 Totally, totally
00:07:58.300 and it's kind of why
00:07:59.740 he crashed
00:08:00.400 because he was doing so much
00:08:01.980 that he couldn't sit
00:08:02.540 in L.A. traffic
00:08:03.220 so he had to get helicopters
00:08:04.400 but I'm not a big NBA guy
00:08:06.300 but I watched his documentary
00:08:07.660 and it blew my mind
00:08:08.520 because it relates to stand up.
00:08:10.120 You can put a,
00:08:10.620 you know,
00:08:11.200 a parallel
00:08:12.160 and just hard working
00:08:14.220 and there's a story of him,
00:08:15.980 he went to basketball camp
00:08:17.140 as a kid
00:08:17.680 and like three months of camp
00:08:19.520 didn't score one basket.
00:08:20.800 Wow.
00:08:21.040 Not one
00:08:21.600 and he said he felt like
00:08:22.440 he let his dad down
00:08:23.680 because his dad was a player,
00:08:24.700 he let his uncle down
00:08:25.500 and then he just kept working
00:08:26.920 and became the best.
00:08:27.800 Yeah, I think that's one thing
00:08:30.140 that like,
00:08:30.560 because I've never been
00:08:31.320 a big Kobe fan,
00:08:31.980 I was a big Jordan fan.
00:08:33.080 Yeah.
00:08:33.520 You know, Zion's got me 1.00
00:08:34.480 back into the NBA
00:08:35.300 some of the Pels,
00:08:36.100 you know.
00:08:36.480 I like Zion, yeah.
00:08:36.980 Yeah, it's exciting
00:08:37.540 but I always marveled
00:08:41.040 at how he had,
00:08:43.980 people from around the world
00:08:45.240 really gravitated towards him.
00:08:46.920 Yeah, yeah.
00:08:47.700 And I marveled
00:08:48.620 at his work ethic,
00:08:49.640 it just seemed
00:08:50.440 like there was nobody else
00:08:52.380 like in the fourth quarter
00:08:53.240 of games and stuff
00:08:54.220 who was,
00:08:55.720 who it seemed like
00:08:56.420 not only wanted the ball
00:08:57.400 but it was gonna be able
00:08:58.720 to handle it better
00:08:59.360 than anybody.
00:09:00.200 Yeah, yeah.
00:09:01.040 And he was tough
00:09:02.140 and scary and competitive
00:09:03.340 but I feel like as he grew
00:09:05.660 he got more gentle
00:09:07.520 and loving.
00:09:09.420 Like he would shout out
00:09:10.240 to the younger guys
00:09:11.100 like you're doing great
00:09:11.900 and we've all been,
00:09:12.760 you know when you start out
00:09:13.380 in stand up
00:09:13.820 you're like who's this young 0.99
00:09:14.660 cum guzzler 0.99
00:09:15.420 coming up on my heels
00:09:16.460 and then after a while
00:09:17.600 you're like wait I'm good,
00:09:18.580 he's good,
00:09:19.040 why can't we all be good?
00:09:19.940 Yeah.
00:09:20.740 And I'm gonna give him
00:09:21.320 a nice tweet.
00:09:22.540 Do you think,
00:09:23.240 like was there something
00:09:23.880 that like,
00:09:24.920 like say when like
00:09:25.580 a death like that happens
00:09:26.620 is there something
00:09:27.220 that you kind of think
00:09:28.200 like,
00:09:29.160 like sometimes I wonder
00:09:30.120 like where does it hit me
00:09:31.060 like does it hit me
00:09:31.660 that I'm like,
00:09:34.880 like scared of like leaving,
00:09:36.760 scared of missing people
00:09:37.840 like I wonder like
00:09:38.640 what is it about
00:09:39.320 like specifically about death
00:09:40.920 that like,
00:09:41.880 you know really gets me
00:09:43.100 the most.
00:09:43.840 Well I think it's a couple things.
00:09:44.840 One it's just so final.
00:09:46.560 There's no like next try
00:09:48.080 or let me redo
00:09:48.880 and then.
00:09:49.900 Right,
00:09:50.080 there's no more email.
00:09:50.880 There's not like another,
00:09:51.740 you don't get another email.
00:09:52.900 Nothing,
00:09:53.160 nothing.
00:09:53.680 You know,
00:09:53.860 you write a bad tweet,
00:09:54.820 you delete it,
00:09:55.320 you write another one.
00:09:55.960 This is it.
00:09:56.920 Your typos out there.
00:09:58.860 Two,
00:09:59.440 you want to be,
00:10:00.480 you want to have put
00:10:01.100 like a little dent
00:10:03.760 on the earth a little bit
00:10:04.840 like have some videos,
00:10:06.400 some photos,
00:10:07.240 some change
00:10:08.020 and he's got kids.
00:10:09.500 I know.
00:10:10.100 Ah, 1.00
00:10:10.640 the whole thing sucks. 0.99
00:10:12.620 It should have been, 0.99
00:10:13.260 uh,
00:10:13.840 should have been Curry.
00:10:15.680 Is that Curry you think?
00:10:16.600 No,
00:10:16.860 I'm joking.
00:10:17.400 I'm joking.
00:10:17.620 It would have been too harsh.
00:10:18.380 I think if he,
00:10:19.120 if it would have been Sam Perkins,
00:10:20.300 you remember him from the Sonics?
00:10:22.040 Want to bring up a picture of Sam Perkins please?
00:10:23.420 Pull up Perky.
00:10:24.380 Yeah.
00:10:24.740 It's been a while.
00:10:25.420 He's one of the first
00:10:26.160 extremely stoned players to play well.
00:10:29.160 But also Kobe,
00:10:30.280 he shot a three into the stands one time.
00:10:32.080 No.
00:10:32.520 Completely the wrong way.
00:10:33.740 Wow,
00:10:34.080 that's,
00:10:34.420 yeah, 1.00
00:10:34.600 he should be put to death 1.00
00:10:35.660 for that. 1.00
00:10:37.540 Oh,
00:10:37.720 I was picturing a white guy.
00:10:40.200 Sam Perkins.
00:10:41.780 I don't remember him.
00:10:42.700 Oh yeah,
00:10:43.200 one of a kind,
00:10:43.980 dude.
00:10:45.820 And he definitely,
00:10:47.320 oh,
00:10:47.580 look at those corners he has in that.
00:10:48.920 Yeah,
00:10:49.220 it's sideways,
00:10:50.120 like a diagonal corn.
00:10:51.340 Yeah,
00:10:51.500 like the kind of like the Asian corn,
00:10:52.680 like when they planted on the mountain.
00:10:54.600 Right,
00:10:55.120 right.
00:10:55.640 He played at North Carolina
00:10:56.480 with Michael Jordan too.
00:10:57.500 Wow.
00:10:57.720 Ah.
00:10:58.980 He was one of a kind.
00:11:00.720 Um.
00:11:01.640 So cool.
00:11:02.220 Is there,
00:11:02.560 is there a lie sometimes?
00:11:03.860 You know what I,
00:11:04.740 sadly is when I think about dying,
00:11:06.840 I don't want to have like lies out there
00:11:09.640 that I've told.
00:11:10.680 Oh,
00:11:11.060 yeah.
00:11:11.860 Because everything's just at that point,
00:11:13.440 it's like when you,
00:11:14.400 it's all coming out.
00:11:16.680 Yeah,
00:11:17.000 oh yeah,
00:11:17.520 that's it.
00:11:18.520 And you can't fix anything,
00:11:19.440 you have no control.
00:11:20.380 And if you die like that,
00:11:21.960 that's it. 0.57
00:11:22.600 Yeah. 0.99
00:11:22.780 That's how you're dead. 1.00
00:11:23.940 You're fucked. 1.00
00:11:24.840 Yeah, 1.00
00:11:25.280 I used to think sometimes whenever,
00:11:26.180 however you die, 0.53
00:11:27.320 that that's how you like are in heaven. 0.94
00:11:29.340 So like if you die, 0.73
00:11:30.120 you die like this,
00:11:30.900 you know?
00:11:31.340 Yeah.
00:11:31.840 Then you gotta walk around like that,
00:11:33.480 you know?
00:11:33.700 Yeah,
00:11:33.800 but isn't heaven supposed to be perfect
00:11:35.240 and great and all that?
00:11:36.760 Yeah,
00:11:36.900 but I don't think they do like a lot of like
00:11:38.200 chiropractic work up there.
00:11:39.640 Yeah, 0.99
00:11:39.780 they're not doing Botox and shit. 0.96
00:11:41.520 Yeah, 0.99
00:11:41.720 they're not remodeling you for it.
00:11:42.900 You get there,
00:11:43.240 you show up,
00:11:43.780 like if you got hit by a train,
00:11:45.000 you know,
00:11:45.200 you're that.
00:11:45.760 But that means everybody in heaven's 1.00
00:11:46.860 gonna be all wacky and shit-faced 0.99
00:11:49.300 and weird 1.00
00:11:49.780 and run flat
00:11:50.580 from being run over
00:11:51.460 or smushed.
00:11:52.240 Yeah,
00:11:52.440 I think it'll be fun.
00:11:53.200 I think it'll be great.
00:11:53.760 You got a heroin needle?
00:11:54.460 I think you'll know immediately
00:11:55.040 what happened to the guy.
00:11:56.760 Right,
00:11:57.200 I guess. 1.00
00:11:57.860 Damn, 1.00
00:11:58.120 you got a bunch of dog bites on you. 1.00
00:11:59.960 That's a tough way to lose it.
00:12:01.080 Yeah,
00:12:01.220 you got a bullet hole right here.
00:12:02.340 Yeah,
00:12:02.540 you're gonna know immediately
00:12:05.000 that people have that bullet hole.
00:12:07.560 Like,
00:12:08.080 dang,
00:12:08.620 bro.
00:12:09.140 Some guy's walking around with a spear.
00:12:10.680 He's 500 years old.
00:12:12.720 Musket wound. 0.90
00:12:15.120 Scurvy.
00:12:15.800 AIDS.
00:12:16.480 Yeah,
00:12:16.680 it's so scary,
00:12:17.460 man.
00:12:17.800 It's just so,
00:12:18.460 and just,
00:12:19.040 and there's no control,
00:12:20.840 you have no control over it either.
00:12:22.220 And when I got back to LA,
00:12:23.140 I felt it.
00:12:23.780 I really felt it at the airport.
00:12:25.120 It was like,
00:12:25.440 oh man,
00:12:26.060 like,
00:12:26.720 you know,
00:12:26.980 there's just so many Kobe fans.
00:12:28.720 I know,
00:12:29.280 I know.
00:12:29.640 There's so many.
00:12:30.540 And it's kind of nice
00:12:31.360 that in this world of
00:12:32.240 canceling and PC and all that
00:12:34.380 that he got in trouble
00:12:35.840 for whatever he did.
00:12:36.820 I don't want to get into it.
00:12:37.780 Yeah.
00:12:38.040 And we can still mourn the guy.
00:12:40.020 We don't have to sit there
00:12:40.580 and go,
00:12:40.900 well,
00:12:41.280 actually,
00:12:41.980 it's like, 1.00
00:12:42.300 shut up. 0.99
00:12:43.020 Let us have this. 1.00
00:12:43.760 The guy's dead. 1.00
00:12:44.520 Enough with your bullshit. 1.00
00:12:45.660 Right. 1.00
00:12:45.880 You know?
00:12:46.620 Well,
00:12:46.800 yeah,
00:12:46.960 and I think that
00:12:47.460 it's one of the reminders.
00:12:48.800 Yeah,
00:12:49.000 it's like almost this,
00:12:49.820 it's almost like this
00:12:50.700 so necessary reminder
00:12:52.120 for humanity
00:12:52.740 that we all have
00:12:54.780 so many mistakes.
00:12:56.020 Yes,
00:12:56.380 yes.
00:12:57.220 There's this,
00:12:57.820 there's this weird,
00:12:59.040 like,
00:12:59.540 pressure,
00:13:00.140 especially with social media
00:13:01.120 where it's,
00:13:01.660 this perfection
00:13:03.060 that's not,
00:13:04.360 it's so unrealistic.
00:13:05.500 I know,
00:13:05.860 like in the 90s
00:13:06.500 it was,
00:13:06.760 hey,
00:13:06.840 nobody's perfect
00:13:07.580 and now it's,
00:13:08.520 hey,
00:13:08.640 if you're not perfect,
00:13:09.320 we'll figure it out 1.00
00:13:10.100 and kill you. 1.00
00:13:10.700 Yeah. 1.00
00:13:11.160 And then it annoys me,
00:13:12.100 and I don't want to get
00:13:12.780 too queefy on here, 0.94
00:13:14.800 but these douches on Twitter 1.00
00:13:16.620 that just shit on you, 1.00
00:13:17.500 you're homophoid, 1.00
00:13:18.160 you're racist, 1.00
00:13:18.700 you suck, 1.00
00:13:19.200 you blah, 1.00
00:13:19.760 blah,
00:13:19.780 blah. 0.72
00:13:20.060 And then a guy kills himself 0.96
00:13:21.200 and they go,
00:13:21.660 hey,
00:13:22.220 if you're feeling sad,
00:13:23.240 reach out,
00:13:23.900 what are you doing about it?
00:13:24.700 It's like,
00:13:24.980 you did this. 1.00
00:13:26.140 You're the piece of shit. 1.00
00:13:27.700 You're the poison out here. 1.00
00:13:29.120 You're ruining us. 1.00
00:13:29.840 Stop yelling at me, 1.00
00:13:30.660 you fucking whore. 1.00
00:13:32.340 Ah, 1.00
00:13:32.780 it drives me crazy.
00:13:33.960 Joe,
00:13:34.340 I was listening to Rogan
00:13:35.300 last night at the Comedy Store
00:13:36.140 and honestly,
00:13:36.860 like he has some new material
00:13:37.800 that's some of the,
00:13:38.600 no joke,
00:13:39.280 some of the best stuff
00:13:40.020 I've ever seen.
00:13:40.340 Oh yeah?
00:13:41.120 Wow.
00:13:42.440 It's just so good,
00:13:43.820 man.
00:13:44.240 And it's,
00:13:45.100 it's exactly about like
00:13:46.680 that kind of stuff
00:13:47.280 that cancel culture
00:13:48.080 and this,
00:13:48.620 the level,
00:13:49.160 like how just,
00:13:50.260 it's some people
00:13:51.060 that are doing
00:13:51.660 all of this damage.
00:13:53.320 The loud voices.
00:13:54.660 Yeah,
00:13:55.000 yeah.
00:13:55.200 And then what's weird
00:13:55.800 is when,
00:13:56.220 you know,
00:13:56.400 you see these people
00:13:56.900 on Twitter going, 1.00
00:13:57.880 oh shut up, 1.00
00:13:58.820 cancel culture's not a thing, 1.00
00:14:00.260 get over yourself
00:14:01.140 and you're like,
00:14:02.080 well I mean it's,
00:14:03.020 we're talking about it right now,
00:14:04.240 therefore it probably exists.
00:14:05.920 I don't remember hearing
00:14:06.740 this term 10 years ago.
00:14:08.080 Right.
00:14:08.400 So it's obviously there,
00:14:09.400 people are getting fired
00:14:10.320 and you know, 1.00
00:14:11.680 killing themselves and shit 1.00
00:14:12.800 so something's up. 0.99
00:14:14.120 Well it's weird,
00:14:14.880 it's like if you,
00:14:16.600 well like it's funny
00:14:17.340 because even like
00:14:17.940 with Ari Shafir,
00:14:18.800 you know with Ari's tweet 0.99
00:14:19.620 and Ari's,
00:14:20.720 you know,
00:14:21.260 and it just came up on TMZ,
00:14:22.280 I just saw somebody
00:14:23.020 sent me a link,
00:14:25.500 I don't know,
00:14:25.840 something just happened
00:14:26.540 today with it
00:14:27.120 but it was like,
00:14:29.880 oh wow,
00:14:30.420 this guy is,
00:14:31.960 you know Ari's getting, 1.00
00:14:33.160 he's like he's getting
00:14:34.840 canceled in the sense
00:14:36.400 of like,
00:14:37.140 I think a lot of people
00:14:38.000 who maybe didn't even
00:14:39.000 know about him
00:14:40.200 are now just,
00:14:42.400 they hear his name
00:14:43.320 and that it's no good,
00:14:45.120 that he's no good.
00:14:45.880 Right,
00:14:45.900 you get a stigma,
00:14:46.840 you're done kind of.
00:14:48.020 I think a lot of his fans
00:14:49.040 who were his fans
00:14:49.800 for his dark edgy style
00:14:51.580 and his like,
00:14:52.840 totally graveyard
00:14:53.860 sort of Alfred Hitchcock
00:14:55.980 kind of,
00:14:57.600 you know,
00:14:58.020 his ambiance,
00:14:58.940 drug ambiance.
00:15:00.140 His shtick.
00:15:01.020 They are probably,
00:15:03.140 they love it.
00:15:03.800 They have to be accepting of it
00:15:04.900 at least if they know
00:15:05.680 that that's what he's into.
00:15:06.540 Yes,
00:15:06.940 what was that,
00:15:08.280 what was that?
00:15:09.180 There was a,
00:15:09.800 we had a video question
00:15:10.840 one of our listeners
00:15:11.640 sent in about this.
00:15:13.140 Okay.
00:15:14.620 Uh oh.
00:15:15.000 Hey guys,
00:15:15.780 hey Theo,
00:15:16.340 hi Mark,
00:15:16.940 love you guys both.
00:15:17.780 This is Ivan.
00:15:18.740 Hey,
00:15:19.080 hey.
00:15:19.200 From Paso,
00:15:19.580 Texas.
00:15:20.220 Hey Ivan. 1.00
00:15:20.640 Huge tooth gay. 1.00
00:15:21.840 Ah, 1.00
00:15:22.260 that's my pod.
00:15:23.260 And,
00:15:23.560 I was just wondering
00:15:25.060 what Mark thought
00:15:25.820 about the Kobe video
00:15:26.980 that Ari Shaffir did.
00:15:28.980 I know Theo Vaughn
00:15:29.900 said in his podcast
00:15:30.700 that it was just
00:15:32.140 a whole mess
00:15:33.040 of a situation
00:15:33.820 that,
00:15:34.880 you know,
00:15:35.120 children died,
00:15:36.020 you know,
00:15:37.780 that there is free speech
00:15:38.800 but to expect,
00:15:39.820 you know,
00:15:40.060 the wrath
00:15:40.980 and consequences
00:15:42.880 that will come from that
00:15:44.720 and I was just wondering
00:15:45.700 what Mark thought
00:15:46.400 since I know
00:15:46.980 they're both
00:15:48.140 good friends
00:15:49.280 and I know like Ari,
00:15:50.780 Mark likes to push
00:15:51.900 the envelope too
00:15:52.820 on his comedy
00:15:53.480 and,
00:15:54.880 Oh yeah,
00:15:55.120 he's a real mailman.
00:15:56.420 Yeah.
00:15:56.960 Was it funny?
00:15:57.680 Maybe should it have
00:15:58.460 just been a Twitter draft?
00:16:00.240 I don't know.
00:16:00.620 Let me,
00:16:01.000 let me know what you guys think
00:16:01.980 and please come to El Paso.
00:16:04.280 Uh,
00:16:04.860 I,
00:16:05.040 the border loves you.
00:16:06.800 I think the border loves you.
00:16:08.680 Hmm.
00:16:08.960 So,
00:16:09.480 yeah.
00:16:10.040 I love the honesty.
00:16:10.860 You guys both take care.
00:16:12.600 Gang gang.
00:16:13.180 Gang,
00:16:13.500 Ivan.
00:16:13.760 Thank you,
00:16:14.280 brother.
00:16:14.920 That's a good,
00:16:15.660 uh,
00:16:16.560 it's nice that he listens
00:16:17.380 to both of our podcasts.
00:16:18.340 That is nice.
00:16:18.940 Yeah,
00:16:19.160 pods are big
00:16:19.820 but if you really want to know
00:16:20.820 my Ari thing,
00:16:21.500 I just think,
00:16:22.240 ah, 1.00
00:16:22.340 who gives a fuck? 1.00
00:16:23.120 He's, 1.00
00:16:23.380 he's a, 1.00
00:16:23.900 he's a dirtbag. 0.99
00:16:24.880 This is his thing. 0.98
00:16:25.780 He's a friend of mine.
00:16:26.680 This is,
00:16:26.940 he's always done this
00:16:27.900 and for some reason
00:16:29.380 this Kobe one
00:16:29.960 really hit home with people
00:16:31.060 and so he just,
00:16:32.780 he's always made
00:16:33.480 these kind of jokes
00:16:34.180 when someone dies
00:16:34.940 but for some reason
00:16:35.640 this one is sticking.
00:16:36.920 Yeah. 0.99
00:16:37.240 And I don't give a shit, 0.99
00:16:38.220 you know. 0.97
00:16:39.280 He's not a bad guy.
00:16:40.640 That's the thing about Ari. 1.00
00:16:41.400 He gives back.
00:16:42.100 He gives so much
00:16:42.880 but people just know him
00:16:43.580 as this,
00:16:44.040 you know,
00:16:44.680 friend dosing,
00:16:46.080 uh,
00:16:46.680 Kobe joke making guy.
00:16:48.160 Well,
00:16:48.360 a lot of people are,
00:16:49.460 well,
00:16:49.720 that's the thing about
00:16:50.620 some of the cancel culture stuff.
00:16:51.800 It's like,
00:16:52.520 you,
00:16:52.640 you get introduced to people
00:16:54.960 for the first time
00:16:55.800 only as a bad guy.
00:16:57.360 Yes.
00:16:57.860 And I don't want to say any names
00:16:59.100 but somebody gave out his address.
00:17:00.680 Oh,
00:17:00.920 wow.
00:17:01.260 And it's a person we know
00:17:02.360 and you want to be like,
00:17:03.240 hey,
00:17:03.500 Dickless,
00:17:03.920 what are you doing? 0.97
00:17:04.620 Like,
00:17:04.880 you,
00:17:05.060 you're a cop,
00:17:05.620 you know what he's doing.
00:17:06.720 Stop trying to get on other people's side by,
00:17:09.620 I know you're angry but like,
00:17:11.400 also you're introducing people to Ari's joke
00:17:13.740 because you're actually spreading it more.
00:17:16.500 You think it's so evil,
00:17:17.560 why would you want more people to see it?
00:17:19.000 Yeah.
00:17:19.340 You know,
00:17:19.820 and it's just so backwards
00:17:21.360 and giving out his address
00:17:22.840 is basically what he's doing to Kobe.
00:17:25.020 So now you're just doing the thing he's doing
00:17:26.760 so you're just as guilty 1.00
00:17:27.800 and just as big of a piece of shit 1.00
00:17:29.160 or maybe more 1.00
00:17:29.960 because at least Ari was trying to be humorous. 0.99
00:17:31.640 Yeah.
00:17:31.820 I mean, 0.63
00:17:32.020 he's a horrible comedian 0.83
00:17:32.840 so he's not going to be funny 0.79
00:17:34.620 but at least he was trying,
00:17:36.460 he's not hurting anybody.
00:17:37.700 The guy's dead
00:17:38.300 but the other guy giving out the address,
00:17:40.100 that could actually cause violence.
00:17:42.240 Yeah,
00:17:42.480 but if somebody shows up over there.
00:17:43.940 Yeah.
00:17:44.600 Yeah. 1.00
00:17:45.000 And then we should tweet out your fucking address. 1.00
00:17:47.240 How about that? 1.00
00:17:47.760 Yeah,
00:17:47.960 and then when does it end?
00:17:48.800 Yeah.
00:17:49.200 Yeah, 1.00
00:17:49.600 you fucking chooch. 1.00
00:17:50.560 Yeah, 1.00
00:17:50.680 it's so funny
00:17:51.100 because Ari is a nice, 0.97
00:17:52.120 like Ari's letting me stay at his place.
00:17:53.280 I didn't even know Ari very well.
00:17:54.500 Yes.
00:17:54.640 He let me stay there for two weeks
00:17:55.780 when I was in,
00:17:56.500 needed a place to stay in New York.
00:17:58.160 I mean,
00:17:58.340 that's a nice thing to do.
00:17:59.900 Yeah,
00:18:00.300 he's a giver.
00:18:00.740 It's a nice thing.
00:18:01.240 Stay in,
00:18:01.720 you know,
00:18:01.940 you can stay in my place.
00:18:03.140 I don't even think he charged me any,
00:18:04.400 you know,
00:18:04.680 didn't even make me pay anything.
00:18:06.060 Right.
00:18:07.020 What do you think about the dosing with Bert?
00:18:08.920 Because that really,
00:18:10.120 a lot of people were on the fence
00:18:11.120 on the Big Hebe
00:18:12.400 and then that just pushed him over
00:18:13.840 into Mexico.
00:18:15.540 Yeah,
00:18:15.840 I think,
00:18:16.580 I don't know enough about the dosing
00:18:18.320 but I just think as far as like
00:18:19.760 surprising somebody with some drugs,
00:18:22.140 I think that's kind of,
00:18:23.160 sometimes I'm like,
00:18:23.920 is that some of the world
00:18:24.800 that they all live in though?
00:18:26.040 Ah,
00:18:26.680 interesting.
00:18:26.840 You know,
00:18:27.100 I don't know what their previous history
00:18:29.640 with it is
00:18:30.200 if they're like,
00:18:30.840 you know,
00:18:31.440 slipping in,
00:18:32.280 you know,
00:18:32.780 you know,
00:18:33.620 you know,
00:18:34.400 sprinkling some,
00:18:35.580 you know, 1.00
00:18:36.060 some of that fucking brain glitter, 1.00
00:18:38.060 some PCP, 1.00
00:18:38.740 you know,
00:18:38.900 I don't know what they're doing.
00:18:39.660 I don't know how much
00:18:40.460 they're secretly hiding acid 1.00
00:18:41.940 in each other's asses. 1.00
00:18:43.020 Right. 1.00
00:18:43.540 Like when I was growing up,
00:18:44.680 they had a thing,
00:18:45.300 Vajippin' for a while.
00:18:46.480 Vajippin'? 1.00
00:18:47.420 Girls would put LSD in their vagina. 1.00
00:18:49.000 What? 1.00
00:18:49.480 Yeah.
00:18:50.720 And go hard. 1.00
00:18:51.820 A dick trip. 1.00
00:18:53.020 Your dick will go in 1.00
00:18:53.860 and get all Burning Man. 1.00
00:18:55.040 That was the thing,
00:18:56.020 yeah.
00:18:56.480 Whoa.
00:18:56.780 It's like the girl was tripping
00:18:57.880 and then you get in there
00:18:58.760 and get some of the trip
00:18:59.820 and so it was just real.
00:19:01.700 I don't mind a trip
00:19:02.540 but I don't want it 1.00
00:19:03.060 through my dick hole. 1.00
00:19:04.860 That's a weird suppos. 1.00
00:19:06.460 That's a wild.
00:19:07.840 That's a wild entrance.
00:19:09.220 That's a front suppository.
00:19:11.460 Holy hell.
00:19:13.620 There's Nick. 0.98
00:19:14.440 Big Nick's a creeper. 0.86
00:19:16.040 Well,
00:19:16.200 he's a premature baby,
00:19:17.340 dude,
00:19:17.480 so he's making up for lost time.
00:19:18.460 Oh,
00:19:18.660 are you a preemie?
00:19:19.620 Boy,
00:19:20.000 you came out good.
00:19:21.040 That's what I'm saying,
00:19:21.820 man.
00:19:22.680 A lot of these guys
00:19:23.440 are going 36
00:19:24.060 and Nick got out early,
00:19:25.040 brother.
00:19:25.160 Nick is a hard worker.
00:19:25.900 Oh,
00:19:26.300 yeah. 0.96
00:19:26.620 I was like a C-sex. 1.00
00:19:28.280 Really? 0.98
00:19:28.720 Oh,
00:19:28.980 yeah.
00:19:29.140 I came out through 1.00
00:19:29.720 the fucking roof. 1.00
00:19:31.540 Oh, 1.00
00:19:31.820 wow.
00:19:32.160 Or I guess maybe
00:19:32.660 the moon roof
00:19:33.580 or something.
00:19:33.980 I like that though.
00:19:34.740 I didn't come out
00:19:35.220 through the door.
00:19:35.820 I could see that.
00:19:36.260 I could see you being like,
00:19:37.120 I don't know,
00:19:37.920 you know,
00:19:38.160 is this the best thoroughfare?
00:19:39.640 Right.
00:19:39.900 Let me see what else
00:19:40.480 is going on here. 1.00
00:19:41.280 You've all touched your mom's vag. 0.99
00:19:42.740 I haven't touched, 0.99
00:19:43.640 well,
00:19:43.860 maybe you've touched my mom's. 1.00
00:19:44.940 She's a big slut. 1.00
00:19:46.000 But I haven't touched 1.00
00:19:47.260 my mom's vagina, 1.00
00:19:48.080 which feels pretty good. 1.00
00:19:48.980 Oh,
00:19:49.160 yeah.
00:19:49.940 I guess I could see that.
00:19:51.500 Yeah,
00:19:51.660 there is always a weird element.
00:19:53.120 I think sometimes
00:19:53.480 when I look at my mom
00:19:54.300 and she and I both know it,
00:19:55.780 I did.
00:19:56.620 Yeah,
00:19:57.180 yeah, 0.98
00:19:57.540 you ruined her labia. 0.93
00:19:59.720 Yeah. 0.91
00:19:59.920 For a while.
00:20:00.500 They say it goes back.
00:20:02.160 Yeah,
00:20:02.480 I hear it's never exactly the same,
00:20:03.680 but that's my buddy said that.
00:20:05.000 Oh,
00:20:05.360 well,
00:20:07.280 maybe he had a big kid or something.
00:20:09.200 Yeah,
00:20:09.520 he said that.
00:20:10.200 Because we've all banged some MILFs
00:20:11.940 and it didn't feel that different.
00:20:13.980 Yeah,
00:20:14.240 I don't have any feelings 0.99
00:20:15.180 in my penis at all. 0.99
00:20:16.360 I don't feel like it. 1.00
00:20:16.760 Oh,
00:20:17.140 really?
00:20:17.740 Come on.
00:20:18.660 I don't think so.
00:20:19.460 I mean,
00:20:19.820 so many of the nerves
00:20:20.900 are in my brain
00:20:21.700 that it's so,
00:20:22.680 it's like if I think hard enough,
00:20:24.020 I can feel something,
00:20:24.880 but otherwise,
00:20:25.460 it's kind of like.
00:20:26.680 Wait,
00:20:27.020 are you serious?
00:20:28.340 Yeah,
00:20:28.540 I'm just not,
00:20:29.120 I mean,
00:20:29.340 yeah,
00:20:29.620 like.
00:20:29.920 You're not very sensitive downtown.
00:20:31.380 I don't think so.
00:20:32.540 I don't.
00:20:32.720 What?
00:20:33.260 You're not jizzing all over?
00:20:34.480 No,
00:20:34.980 not.
00:20:35.440 Really?
00:20:36.120 Oh,
00:20:36.520 I put it in.
00:20:37.120 I'm done.
00:20:37.940 Oh,
00:20:38.380 man.
00:20:38.740 Yeah,
00:20:39.160 I mean,
00:20:39.380 and don't worry,
00:20:39.760 I got the brain stuff too.
00:20:40.960 I'm going, 0.87
00:20:41.380 I hate myself,
00:20:42.280 I'm tiny, 0.84
00:20:42.940 I'm gay, 1.00
00:20:43.480 all this shit, 1.00
00:20:44.020 but I don't have the. 1.00
00:20:46.140 Oh,
00:20:46.320 you got the band back together.
00:20:47.660 Oh,
00:20:48.020 yeah,
00:20:48.720 oh yeah, 1.00
00:20:49.060 my dick's like a girl 1.00
00:20:50.480 seeing the notebook. 1.00
00:20:51.760 It's just weeping.
00:20:52.780 Yeah.
00:20:53.540 It's bad.
00:20:55.100 Bro, 0.96
00:20:55.320 the first time I ever had sex, 0.91
00:20:56.840 I remember getting right up,
00:20:58.700 like,
00:20:59.260 literally, 0.99
00:21:00.340 my penis was right outside 1.00
00:21:01.600 of this girl's, 1.00
00:21:02.560 vagina. 1.00
00:21:04.400 Yes. 1.00
00:21:05.020 And it just like sneezed ejaculate,
00:21:07.920 you know,
00:21:08.200 just like,
00:21:09.040 like it was so nervous or something.
00:21:10.840 Yeah,
00:21:11.160 yeah.
00:21:11.740 So it hit the outside,
00:21:13.080 it pressure washed.
00:21:14.640 Oh,
00:21:14.840 definitely.
00:21:15.320 And it was like, 0.99
00:21:15.960 it was almost like my penis was like, 0.99
00:21:17.360 I'm too sick to handle this. 0.99
00:21:18.620 I just vomited outside of this girl's entryway, 1.00
00:21:21.940 you know. 0.87
00:21:22.340 You puked at the table,
00:21:23.280 you didn't even get to the buffet.
00:21:24.340 Oh,
00:21:24.740 I didn't even get there.
00:21:25.960 Oh man,
00:21:26.940 you golden corraled it.
00:21:27.940 And we were so ready,
00:21:29.200 everybody was so ready.
00:21:30.360 So then I had to pretend like I was so ready,
00:21:32.920 bro.
00:21:33.100 And that was crazy,
00:21:34.060 because I had to like,
00:21:35.280 oh,
00:21:35.700 hold on,
00:21:36.160 I don't want to just do this.
00:21:37.300 Yeah.
00:21:37.440 I don't want to make up this long story.
00:21:39.060 Right.
00:21:39.640 And then I finally just got honest with her and,
00:21:42.880 and she smelled like cigarettes as well,
00:21:44.280 but then I got honest with her and I said,
00:21:46.400 look,
00:21:46.540 I already,
00:21:47.900 I'm done.
00:21:48.580 Yeah,
00:21:48.900 I blew.
00:21:49.440 I'm done.
00:21:50.100 Condom?
00:21:50.960 No condom.
00:21:51.480 Oh,
00:21:51.800 so she didn't,
00:21:52.480 she didn't feel the big splooge of mayo.
00:21:55.220 She might've,
00:21:56.160 she might,
00:21:56.340 I think,
00:21:56.640 I think she was kind of being nice because it kind of happened,
00:21:58.860 you know,
00:22:00.020 out like right in the hallway.
00:22:02.100 Right.
00:22:02.560 I got you.
00:22:03.240 In the foyer.
00:22:04.020 Ah,
00:22:04.440 yes.
00:22:04.800 You're in the lobby.
00:22:05.820 Yeah. 1.00
00:22:06.460 Damn, 1.00
00:22:06.880 a lobby splooge. 1.00
00:22:07.380 I was in the lobby-a.
00:22:09.040 Hey, 0.93
00:22:10.400 killer. 0.99
00:22:11.220 Thanks,
00:22:11.580 man.
00:22:11.860 So I got to say,
00:22:13.000 I've known you for 38 years now and you're,
00:22:17.440 you're really getting more comfortable as you.
00:22:20.080 The more,
00:22:20.800 every year that goes by,
00:22:21.920 you're getting more at one with yourself.
00:22:25.260 Well,
00:22:25.400 thanks,
00:22:25.720 man.
00:22:25.940 And it's,
00:22:26.580 it's inspiring.
00:22:27.940 Thanks,
00:22:28.300 bro.
00:22:28.460 Cause you know,
00:22:28.840 in the beginning of comedy, 0.98
00:22:29.820 we all kind of pretend like we're cool and we're not nervous and we don't give a fuck, 0.95
00:22:33.600 but we're freaking out the whole time. 0.98
00:22:35.020 Oh yeah.
00:22:35.520 You know,
00:22:36.000 but now I feel like you're owning you,
00:22:38.460 which is very healthy.
00:22:39.520 Thanks man.
00:22:40.160 I'm trying to do better at it.
00:22:41.740 Uh,
00:22:41.980 it's definitely,
00:22:42.780 yeah,
00:22:42.980 it's been something,
00:22:43.720 you know,
00:22:43.920 like I've been on that path to like,
00:22:45.780 or not a path,
00:22:46.620 but you know,
00:22:47.360 I got sober a couple of years ago and got into that world.
00:22:49.620 And so that kind of stuff made me start to like,
00:22:52.400 I don't know.
00:22:52.940 It's been,
00:22:53.180 it's definitely helped me with trying not to be so like,
00:22:56.540 I used to be so much more angry.
00:22:58.540 I'm still kind of edgy about business and stuff.
00:23:00.760 Oh yeah.
00:23:01.000 Scared.
00:23:01.580 Same here.
00:23:02.320 But,
00:23:02.660 um,
00:23:02.800 cause I don't know anything about it.
00:23:03.680 I feel like they're,
00:23:04.160 they're taking advantage of me.
00:23:05.380 Yeah.
00:23:06.040 Yeah,
00:23:06.300 dude.
00:23:06.880 but I used to be on stage and always,
00:23:08.260 I felt like I had this thing to like,
00:23:09.600 I had to prove or something.
00:23:10.680 Yeah.
00:23:11.080 Yeah.
00:23:12.480 Yeah.
00:23:12.980 It's been interesting,
00:23:13.820 man.
00:23:14.000 But,
00:23:14.200 but that's interesting about learning as we grow and growing into our voice.
00:23:17.020 Like when I watched you on,
00:23:18.320 uh,
00:23:19.320 on Joe Rogan,
00:23:20.140 I was like,
00:23:20.560 Oh my God,
00:23:21.400 dude,
00:23:21.600 this guy is like such a,
00:23:24.700 just one,
00:23:25.480 just like some,
00:23:26.260 I can't even tell what area you're from.
00:23:28.340 Well,
00:23:28.660 I was,
00:23:29.080 I was nervous.
00:23:29.720 Don't get me wrong.
00:23:30.420 Oh dude,
00:23:30.700 totally.
00:23:31.180 Right.
00:23:31.460 Yeah.
00:23:31.840 You were.
00:23:32.480 Oh my God.
00:23:33.480 You couldn't tell.
00:23:34.740 You were cool as a cue.
00:23:35.860 I was so nervous.
00:23:37.340 Well,
00:23:37.480 I think you channeled the nerves into you,
00:23:39.400 into like just you on steroids.
00:23:41.820 It's like you popped.
00:23:43.700 You did too.
00:23:44.700 I mean,
00:23:44.900 it seemed like a lot of people,
00:23:46.080 Oh yeah,
00:23:46.400 the response was,
00:23:47.020 great from you being on.
00:23:47.880 I had a good response,
00:23:49.000 but,
00:23:49.360 uh,
00:23:49.900 you know,
00:23:50.500 I,
00:23:50.680 I still,
00:23:51.220 I got a ways to go.
00:23:52.060 I feel like you've honed a thing and I'm still,
00:23:54.600 I'm still in the path of honing.
00:23:56.400 I think.
00:23:56.800 But I think you're such a,
00:23:57.760 but I think one of the thing that we start to realize is that,
00:24:01.340 yeah,
00:24:01.440 we're already kind of with maybe where we need to be in some ways.
00:24:04.560 Cause I mean,
00:24:05.040 I think you're such a unique,
00:24:07.140 I mean,
00:24:07.620 there's just nobody who,
00:24:08.600 who,
00:24:08.900 who's,
00:24:09.340 who's has the same.
00:24:11.540 It's not only the jokes,
00:24:12.640 but it's also you kind of your ambiance meeting up with this.
00:24:16.600 Hmm.
00:24:17.700 This uncomfortable,
00:24:20.080 you know,
00:24:21.060 uh,
00:24:21.480 I'm uncomfortable right now.
00:24:22.660 I feel like we're blowing each other.
00:24:24.260 It's so relatable,
00:24:25.540 man.
00:24:25.880 Really?
00:24:26.440 I feel like I'm so weird and different.
00:24:29.420 I don't know.
00:24:29.960 It's all very strange and we don't know what we're doing,
00:24:32.020 but the journey is the fun part.
00:24:33.500 We've got to stop and realize that,
00:24:34.840 you know,
00:24:35.140 we're,
00:24:35.440 we're,
00:24:35.520 we're,
00:24:35.820 we're going to be 88 one day. 0.98
00:24:37.800 We're going to be like Mel Brooks and fucking Carl Reiner going, 0.97
00:24:40.320 and those were great times. 0.98
00:24:41.160 I wish we had stopped and soaked it in a little.
00:24:43.320 Do you think as comics,
00:24:44.580 it's hard to enjoy stuff though?
00:24:46.140 Oh,
00:24:46.440 completely.
00:24:47.040 You're just worried about the next thing.
00:24:48.220 You're always thinking about the future.
00:24:49.180 When's my next gig?
00:24:50.100 What's this?
00:24:50.600 This,
00:24:50.860 this guy hate me.
00:24:51.540 I got to,
00:24:51.780 I got to make up with him.
00:24:52.920 That girl's yelling at me. 1.00
00:24:54.840 I got to work on that.
00:24:55.660 But just think like,
00:24:56.720 remember back at Lucy's?
00:24:57.880 Yeah. 0.99
00:24:58.380 We were on the fucking. 0.99
00:24:59.620 Yeah. 0.99
00:24:59.720 We did Lucy's together.
00:25:00.560 That's a bar in New Orleans that had an upstairs show.
00:25:03.060 Yeah.
00:25:03.200 It was a great room for a great room,
00:25:05.080 great room,
00:25:05.460 but I didn't know what was going on.
00:25:06.840 I knew you had done some stuff,
00:25:08.460 so that was exciting.
00:25:09.620 But now you're in, 1.00
00:25:10.320 I'm in your studio in fucking LA. 1.00
00:25:13.120 Yeah, 0.99
00:25:13.260 we're both here.
00:25:13.900 That's quite a, 0.99
00:25:14.720 a roller coaster of anal. 0.99
00:25:16.820 I mean, 0.99
00:25:17.120 a lot has happened.
00:25:18.100 Yeah.
00:25:18.580 That's crazy.
00:25:19.500 Who's,
00:25:19.760 I mean,
00:25:19.960 Nick's here.
00:25:20.500 He's a preemie.
00:25:21.240 You're lucky to be alive, 1.00
00:25:22.420 you fucking water baby. 1.00
00:25:24.980 He really is. 1.00
00:25:27.460 We're glad to have you though.
00:25:28.680 I'm glad your mom didn't get an abortion.
00:25:30.480 Yeah,
00:25:30.800 that's true,
00:25:31.440 huh?
00:25:31.620 She thought about it.
00:25:33.060 I'm sure she had some encouragement.
00:25:34.740 She was supposed to stop having kids. 0.99
00:25:36.180 She's schizophrenic. 0.91
00:25:37.280 Oh,
00:25:38.120 I'm sorry.
00:25:38.860 I didn't know.
00:25:39.540 Oh,
00:25:39.720 it's all good.
00:25:40.300 Make all the jokes you want.
00:25:41.360 Is she single?
00:25:42.640 All right. 0.78
00:25:43.300 I love a crazy broad. 0.95
00:25:44.660 Yeah. 0.96
00:25:45.000 Mark will date one of her.
00:25:46.260 Yeah.
00:25:46.560 Yeah.
00:25:48.500 Yeah,
00:25:48.860 man.
00:25:51.160 That was so wild coming up in that time.
00:25:53.500 I guess New Orleans,
00:25:54.140 I don't know.
00:25:54.560 I felt like you guys had like such a close knit group there,
00:25:57.320 and I didn't really kind of fit in,
00:26:00.440 but I did start doing comedy there in Lucy's,
00:26:06.900 and Brown,
00:26:08.460 that little bar that was downstairs next door across the street.
00:26:11.260 Oh,
00:26:11.280 yeah.
00:26:11.780 Originally just had a sign on the stage that said Brown on it.
00:26:14.460 Yeah.
00:26:14.800 For some reason.
00:26:15.140 What was that?
00:26:15.800 It was like a Wednesday night.
00:26:17.100 Yeah,
00:26:17.400 yeah,
00:26:17.600 yeah.
00:26:18.040 And the guy's like,
00:26:18.720 we didn't make any money tonight.
00:26:19.480 You need to stay after him and buy drinks.
00:26:21.040 That's what he told me one night.
00:26:22.040 Oh, 1.00
00:26:22.420 shit. 1.00
00:26:22.740 I had about like 19 drinks, 1.00
00:26:24.320 dude.
00:26:24.400 I drank two of them.
00:26:25.720 Yeah.
00:26:26.040 I was just sitting there with literally 17 drinks.
00:26:29.980 Yeah,
00:26:30.380 you had to pay to perform when you were new.
00:26:32.560 Yeah.
00:26:33.020 Because you were like,
00:26:33.560 you were in the way.
00:26:34.500 Like,
00:26:34.620 you're lucky we're letting you do this.
00:26:36.340 Here,
00:26:36.720 give us money.
00:26:37.200 there was no scene really.
00:26:38.540 No,
00:26:39.200 no,
00:26:39.520 there barely is now,
00:26:40.520 but it's better.
00:26:41.500 But yeah,
00:26:42.240 stand up,
00:26:43.060 it didn't even seem like a way to make a living.
00:26:45.640 It was just like,
00:26:46.040 let me try this.
00:26:46.820 It's something to do.
00:26:47.580 Because all we did was drink.
00:26:48.700 Yeah.
00:26:48.940 And try to get laid and drive around drunk and,
00:26:51.800 you know,
00:26:52.140 do blow or whatever.
00:26:53.300 But like,
00:26:54.220 stand up was just,
00:26:54.900 it felt like,
00:26:55.460 let me try this thing.
00:26:56.320 I got nothing going on.
00:26:57.300 Yeah.
00:26:57.620 Yeah.
00:26:57.840 Girls don't like me. 1.00
00:26:58.640 Maybe this will be some way into women. 1.00
00:27:01.000 And yeah.
00:27:01.360 And then my friends are like,
00:27:02.240 I'm moving to New York.
00:27:02.820 And I said,
00:27:03.120 well,
00:27:03.200 I got nothing else going on. 0.99
00:27:04.460 It almost kind of helped being desperate and worthless and a loser. 0.99
00:27:08.460 Yeah. 0.99
00:27:08.700 Because you had nothing attached to you.
00:27:10.060 And you're like, 1.00
00:27:10.400 fuck it. 1.00
00:27:10.620 I'll go to New York City. 1.00
00:27:11.400 What's the difference?
00:27:12.100 Yeah.
00:27:12.220 I could go up there to stay.
00:27:13.280 Yeah.
00:27:13.440 It's almost like,
00:27:14.020 yeah.
00:27:14.280 What other reason?
00:27:16.240 Yeah.
00:27:16.520 It's like,
00:27:16.780 you almost have to be at this low space in yourself.
00:27:21.520 Yes.
00:27:21.800 Because you're like,
00:27:22.340 oh,
00:27:22.440 I'll take anything.
00:27:23.320 Right.
00:27:23.760 Right.
00:27:24.060 Right.
00:27:24.260 Right.
00:27:24.540 Because moving to New York,
00:27:25.980 I don't know.
00:27:26.340 Oh,
00:27:26.440 that was so scary.
00:27:27.040 I didn't do that.
00:27:27.660 You didn't do that.
00:27:28.160 I moved to LA.
00:27:28.860 Uh-huh.
00:27:29.500 But yeah,
00:27:29.720 I got mugged three times in a year.
00:27:31.580 You know,
00:27:31.740 you're so poor. 1.00
00:27:32.740 You're so worthless. 1.00
00:27:33.780 And you don't know the city. 0.99
00:27:34.700 And it's before smartphones.
00:27:36.280 And my landlord died of AIDS.
00:27:37.980 I got bed bugs.
00:27:38.940 I mean,
00:27:39.120 the whole thing was bananas. 1.00
00:27:40.620 Damn. 1.00
00:27:41.240 Yeah. 1.00
00:27:41.640 Yeah.
00:27:41.840 But you're just so young and drunk the whole time.
00:27:44.020 You're like,
00:27:44.380 man,
00:27:44.680 this is life.
00:27:45.640 I'm an adult.
00:27:46.900 Yeah.
00:27:47.080 You guys,
00:27:47.920 I feel like now that's a different side where I think I would understand you guys holding on to the culture more of comedy,
00:27:53.100 like the sort of British regalia of it all.
00:27:57.480 Uh-huh.
00:27:57.620 Right.
00:27:57.940 Because you guys really go through it there in New York.
00:28:01.100 Like you're sleeping on top of,
00:28:02.300 you know,
00:28:02.520 you're sleeping on the fat guy's back for $20 a night. 0.79
00:28:05.220 Sure.
00:28:05.420 You guys are really,
00:28:06.680 whereas in LA,
00:28:07.720 it's like you can,
00:28:09.320 even if you're in the park here,
00:28:10.700 it's nice.
00:28:11.480 Yeah,
00:28:11.800 that's right.
00:28:12.320 The weather,
00:28:12.880 dude,
00:28:13.240 I got to tell you,
00:28:13.920 I'm pitching these shows that'll never get sold.
00:28:16.140 And I'm at the Fox lot.
00:28:17.400 And you walk in,
00:28:19.340 it's a big parking lot.
00:28:20.300 It's a beautiful day.
00:28:21.340 There's this open air courtyard.
00:28:23.420 All these girls have their shoes kicked off. 1.00
00:28:25.260 They got their feet up on the table.
00:28:26.480 They're smoking vape pens.
00:28:28.220 They're drinking a coffee.
00:28:29.100 They got their sunglasses on.
00:28:30.500 I'm like,
00:28:31.080 you don't know what you got.
00:28:32.280 This is amazing.
00:28:33.060 You don't appreciate any of it.
00:28:34.540 This is your job.
00:28:35.400 You're getting paid probably like a hundred grand a year
00:28:37.160 working at TV.
00:28:38.560 You're in show business.
00:28:39.620 You got your shoes off at work.
00:28:41.440 Yeah.
00:28:42.260 You're living it.
00:28:43.060 Living it.
00:28:43.460 And they don't even know.
00:28:44.120 They're like,
00:28:44.480 uh,
00:28:45.400 Uber Eats is taking a while.
00:28:47.020 And you're like, 0.99
00:28:47.320 shut up, 1.00
00:28:47.960 cunt. 1.00
00:28:48.880 You're living the dream. 1.00
00:28:50.640 What are you crazy? 0.65
00:28:51.720 You got a Tesla. 0.97
00:28:52.900 Yeah.
00:28:53.340 I have a moped.
00:28:55.000 Oh man,
00:28:55.700 it blows my mind,
00:28:56.680 but that's LA.
00:28:57.500 I mean,
00:28:57.640 I get it. 1.00
00:28:58.120 I'm an idiot. 1.00
00:28:58.740 I'm the weirdo. 1.00
00:28:59.480 I should have moved here because.
00:29:00.800 But would you have,
00:29:01.400 but you couldn't have done it different.
00:29:02.820 Nah,
00:29:03.220 you're right.
00:29:03.720 You're right.
00:29:04.100 You got to go.
00:29:04.460 Not in a bad way.
00:29:04.820 It's just like,
00:29:05.600 you just couldn't have done it different.
00:29:07.440 Like you couldn't have gotten.
00:29:08.980 You got to go with your gut.
00:29:09.820 Like you got to be in New York.
00:29:11.380 I mean,
00:29:11.540 you got to be in,
00:29:13.180 like it had to be as you're growing over there and as you're getting more opportunities,
00:29:16.940 you're like, 0.99
00:29:17.260 holy shit. 1.00
00:29:18.100 Like, 1.00
00:29:18.320 cause in LA it's like,
00:29:19.320 you see people that are,
00:29:20.520 that have a different type of talent than you.
00:29:22.800 You see people that aren't ready,
00:29:24.540 that don't have,
00:29:25.300 that a lot of times do not have some talent.
00:29:27.720 Sure.
00:29:28.120 And you see them get huge opportunities.
00:29:30.000 Right.
00:29:30.480 You know,
00:29:30.800 and it,
00:29:31.240 and,
00:29:31.680 and everybody kind of backs it up. 1.00
00:29:33.140 There's more of this PR kind of bullshit. 0.99
00:29:35.020 LA almost feels like a high school extended, 1.00
00:29:38.800 you know,
00:29:39.000 it's like cool clothes,
00:29:39.920 cool cars,
00:29:40.640 cool guy,
00:29:41.660 sneakers,
00:29:42.960 uh,
00:29:43.220 alpha.
00:29:44.320 He wins.
00:29:45.080 He wins.
00:29:45.680 Yeah.
00:29:45.940 Yeah.
00:29:46.400 We're in New York.
00:29:47.060 It's,
00:29:47.260 it feels more like,
00:29:48.640 oh,
00:29:48.780 that was a clever take on that joke.
00:29:51.280 And it was,
00:29:51.740 it feels more arty a little bit,
00:29:53.840 like a little more intellectually.
00:29:55.580 Like,
00:29:55.940 like Dave Attell,
00:29:56.860 as I mentioned, 0.93
00:29:57.280 he looks like a hobo, 0.96
00:29:58.580 but he's this brilliant guy,
00:30:00.060 you know,
00:30:00.800 he's a,
00:30:01.180 yeah.
00:30:01.500 Yeah.
00:30:01.860 You always have somebody like that in the building that makes,
00:30:04.960 you check that checks the,
00:30:06.320 all the levels.
00:30:06.900 Yes.
00:30:07.420 It's like,
00:30:07.940 even if he's not personally doing it,
00:30:09.300 it's just him being there.
00:30:10.540 Right.
00:30:11.020 There's a ceiling as to what's going on.
00:30:12.840 Yeah.
00:30:13.160 But then you go to the comedy store and I'm in the main room,
00:30:15.500 green room.
00:30:16.020 And you're like,
00:30:16.480 look at all these sexy dudes,
00:30:17.940 you know, 1.00
00:30:18.180 like Brendan Schaub's a fucking chiseled fat bitch. 1.00
00:30:21.840 Yeah. 1.00
00:30:22.040 Like he's got the slick hair,
00:30:23.440 the cool shoes,
00:30:24.020 got a chain on.
00:30:24.900 I'm like,
00:30:25.080 I would never even think to put on a chain.
00:30:26.540 Oh, 0.96
00:30:26.740 he's the white part of bacon. 0.80
00:30:27.860 Yeah.
00:30:28.000 I always call him the white part of bacon.
00:30:29.840 Still good, 1.00
00:30:30.660 but damn boy. 1.00
00:30:31.880 Yeah. 1.00
00:30:32.040 Yeah.
00:30:32.260 A little thick and not good for you.
00:30:33.820 Yeah.
00:30:34.000 He's a thick crust and he's got the cheese in there too.
00:30:37.460 Oh yeah.
00:30:38.240 You know,
00:30:38.580 you stretch it and it,
00:30:39.460 it pulls,
00:30:40.660 but.
00:30:40.780 Oh yeah.
00:30:41.580 It's like,
00:30:42.140 dang,
00:30:42.440 how much cheese is in there?
00:30:43.300 I know.
00:30:43.900 I know.
00:30:44.460 But he's like seven foot one. 1.00
00:30:46.300 He's got a huge piece and a fat ass. 1.00
00:30:48.340 It's crazy. 1.00
00:30:48.600 He only has one leg,
00:30:49.600 dude.
00:30:49.720 His other,
00:30:50.140 that is a, 1.00
00:30:50.560 it's a fucking penis with a knee on it. 1.00
00:30:53.080 Wow. 1.00
00:30:53.480 He's got a bendy dick. 1.00
00:30:54.760 Yeah. 1.00
00:30:55.100 He's got ligaments.
00:30:56.400 Oh dude.
00:30:56.900 Yeah. 1.00
00:30:57.300 He can stand on his dick. 1.00
00:30:58.940 Yeah. 1.00
00:30:59.020 It's pretty crazy.
00:31:00.020 It's a kick stand, 1.00
00:31:00.780 a dick stand. 0.99
00:31:01.680 You know, 0.99
00:31:01.920 what's amazing about Brendan Mann and because he and I do the King of the
00:31:05.380 Sting podcast and it's like,
00:31:08.620 he's like to go from football,
00:31:10.900 right?
00:31:11.160 To fighting,
00:31:12.120 which you would never even imagine if you talked to him that he was a
00:31:15.200 UFC fighter.
00:31:16.020 I feel like.
00:31:16.140 I know.
00:31:16.560 He's so sweet.
00:31:17.320 Yeah.
00:31:18.060 It's like he,
00:31:19.100 he's like,
00:31:20.040 he's kind of like that American dream in a weird way of like that.
00:31:22.820 If you work hard,
00:31:24.500 you can get,
00:31:26.120 you can make things happen,
00:31:27.420 you know?
00:31:27.620 Yeah.
00:31:27.880 Like he never stops working.
00:31:29.580 Right.
00:31:30.120 You know,
00:31:30.500 it's crazy.
00:31:31.380 He works so hard,
00:31:32.560 bro.
00:31:32.740 It's crazy.
00:31:33.220 Like he's,
00:31:33.680 he's up in the morning.
00:31:34.720 He's on that bike.
00:31:35.660 He's got his family.
00:31:36.720 He's flying to Columbus this weekend.
00:31:38.520 He's coming back.
00:31:39.260 He's doing this podcast.
00:31:40.520 He's doing that.
00:31:41.240 And he keeps a good attitude.
00:31:42.880 Yes.
00:31:43.920 Positivity is very underrated.
00:31:45.380 Yeah.
00:31:45.780 Yeah.
00:31:45.980 He's very positive.
00:31:46.800 He looks good the whole time.
00:31:47.820 He's always smiling.
00:31:48.520 You never see him like,
00:31:49.280 ah, 1.00
00:31:49.500 fuck this shit. 1.00
00:31:50.400 Yeah. 1.00
00:31:50.580 And you're right.
00:31:51.720 He does work.
00:31:52.760 And that,
00:31:53.220 and that,
00:31:53.700 that vibe that he has,
00:31:55.120 that's one of the things that I think a younger generation with comedy that they attract to more because they don't,
00:32:02.640 they don't have this kind of left like this to them.
00:32:06.320 It's all like about,
00:32:07.620 it's more fun.
00:32:08.840 Yes.
00:32:09.360 Let's have fun.
00:32:10.120 It doesn't matter who we are,
00:32:11.060 what's going on.
00:32:11.940 Let's have a good time.
00:32:12.780 And that's what he has.
00:32:14.920 Whereas some of the old, 1.00
00:32:15.900 some of the others are,
00:32:17.060 we're like,
00:32:17.460 oh man,
00:32:18.080 you know,
00:32:18.520 somebody,
00:32:19.380 you know,
00:32:19.680 some,
00:32:20.080 I have these,
00:32:20.800 this doldrum inside of me and that's what keeps me going.
00:32:23.780 Not to mention people watch the news all day. 1.00
00:32:26.420 It's nothing but shootings and death and politics and Trump and all this shit coming at you. 1.00
00:32:30.560 See, 1.00
00:32:30.680 when you see this fun,
00:32:31.920 loving,
00:32:32.720 happy,
00:32:33.220 go lucky guy,
00:32:34.340 you're like,
00:32:34.740 all right.
00:32:35.120 It's like,
00:32:35.640 ah,
00:32:35.880 I feel a little better.
00:32:36.740 Like I can breathe a little.
00:32:37.840 Then,
00:32:38.020 you know,
00:32:38.280 cause some guys you watch like Bill Burr and it's just like,
00:32:40.680 dude, 1.00
00:32:40.940 I'll fucking kill you. 1.00
00:32:41.900 Your mom's a cunt and your dad's gay and all. 1.00
00:32:43.860 And you're like, 1.00
00:32:44.200 all right,
00:32:44.520 all right,
00:32:44.760 all right.
00:32:45.820 You're like,
00:32:46.260 yeah,
00:32:46.400 I did it.
00:32:46.840 I did it.
00:32:47.220 Yeah,
00:32:47.620 exactly.
00:32:48.880 Don't hurt me.
00:32:50.140 You feel like he's going to give you a wedgie.
00:32:51.740 And then you see Shobb and you're like,
00:32:53.100 all right,
00:32:53.440 it's like a,
00:32:53.760 it's like a golden retriever.
00:32:55.180 Oh yeah.
00:32:55.720 He's kind of like a Chewbacca.
00:32:57.520 Ah,
00:32:57.920 yes.
00:32:58.440 That broke into like a Claire's boutique and will not leave.
00:33:01.180 Right.
00:33:02.080 No matter what,
00:33:03.180 bro.
00:33:03.480 He said,
00:33:04.220 we're open 24 hours a day now.
00:33:06.300 Yeah. 0.99
00:33:06.860 If a Chewbacca ran through a Armani exchange and shit stuck to him. 0.99
00:33:11.860 Yeah. 0.99
00:33:12.220 He's a,
00:33:12.820 he's a cool dude.
00:33:13.560 I texted with him today.
00:33:14.580 He's a good egg.
00:33:15.480 He is a good egg.
00:33:16.240 And then he,
00:33:16.680 like I did his podcast once and this,
00:33:18.660 this is the complete contrast of New York.
00:33:21.020 I pull in,
00:33:21.560 it's a sunny day.
00:33:22.580 He pulls in red Ferrari. 0.99
00:33:24.580 I see one fucking giant shoe of an Air Jordan hit the concrete. 0.99
00:33:28.760 I'm like, 0.99
00:33:29.280 Oh,
00:33:29.440 who's this?
00:33:29.940 Tom Cruise,
00:33:31.060 you know, 1.00
00:33:31.420 and it's fucking him. 1.00
00:33:32.420 Like you're a comic. 1.00
00:33:33.840 What's going on?
00:33:34.600 But it's a,
00:33:35.320 it's a different era.
00:33:36.680 Yeah.
00:33:36.900 They,
00:33:37.180 they,
00:33:37.440 yeah,
00:33:37.660 he's in that.
00:33:38.520 I don't know.
00:33:39.180 They just,
00:33:39.520 I wish sometimes that I had like the clothing confidence.
00:33:42.220 Yeah.
00:33:42.620 And the Lee and those guys.
00:33:44.460 they're so sexy.
00:33:45.440 God,
00:33:45.760 I'm just like,
00:33:46.280 does this fit?
00:33:46.920 This is never fit.
00:33:47.900 That's the only thing I ever think when I put something on.
00:33:50.260 Yeah.
00:33:50.460 Maybe like we went to public school.
00:33:52.400 Yeah.
00:33:52.820 I got,
00:33:53.420 I have,
00:33:53.720 every time I'm in a dressing room at like a gap,
00:33:55.780 I put something on like a jean jacket and I go,
00:33:58.100 Hey,
00:33:58.200 this looks pretty good.
00:33:59.040 And all I hear is eight friends going, 0.99
00:34:00.740 what the fuck do you think you're doing? 1.00
00:34:02.360 You think you can pull that off? 1.00
00:34:03.340 You fucking loser. 1.00
00:34:04.240 You piece of shit. 1.00
00:34:05.020 You kill yourself. 1.00
00:34:05.760 And I'm like, 1.00
00:34:06.000 all right,
00:34:06.560 there we go.
00:34:07.080 That was a fun moment. 1.00
00:34:08.060 And you put that shit right back on the hanger. 1.00
00:34:10.880 Yeah, 1.00
00:34:11.200 dude.
00:34:12.080 It's brutal.
00:34:12.560 Most of my stuff is going out into the,
00:34:15.300 like once you go out to the other mirrors outside of your room.
00:34:18.140 Yes.
00:34:18.660 Yes. 0.99
00:34:19.140 And asking people if I'm a medium or a large and then just fucking, 0.99
00:34:22.520 I start sweating so bad. 0.99
00:34:23.780 Yes.
00:34:24.080 And then I go home.
00:34:24.960 Yeah.
00:34:25.180 And your own mirror,
00:34:26.140 you're killing. 0.81
00:34:26.680 You're like John Travolta.
00:34:27.780 You know,
00:34:28.040 you got your hair and the air, 1.00
00:34:29.440 the fucking blow dryer going. 1.00
00:34:30.780 And then when you get outside, 1.00
00:34:31.640 you're like,
00:34:31.880 what am I doing?
00:34:32.520 Yeah.
00:34:32.800 This is,
00:34:33.140 this is wrong.
00:34:33.680 This is never,
00:34:34.560 this has never worked.
00:34:35.440 But if you owned it,
00:34:36.280 people would believe it,
00:34:37.200 but it's you.
00:34:38.140 It's in you.
00:34:38.480 It's true.
00:34:39.320 The thing that doesn't fit is in me,
00:34:40.820 man.
00:34:41.060 The medium,
00:34:41.520 the large,
00:34:42.000 that's all in there.
00:34:42.720 The extra small,
00:34:43.720 that's all going on inside of me,
00:34:45.200 man.
00:34:45.220 Right. 1.00
00:34:45.660 Whether it's a turtleneck or a fucking sheepskin vest, 1.00
00:34:49.440 you know, 1.00
00:34:49.680 it's all inside of me.
00:34:50.940 And then that's why like ladies will gravitate to some like ill-dressed, 1.00
00:34:57.420 ill-fitting weirdo.
00:34:58.400 Cause they're like,
00:34:58.640 he owns it.
00:34:59.400 Yeah.
00:34:59.660 And you're like,
00:34:59.920 oh yeah,
00:35:00.260 that's the key,
00:35:01.100 isn't it?
00:35:01.600 Yeah.
00:35:01.900 You just gotta,
00:35:02.360 just gotta make it your own.
00:35:03.920 Yeah.
00:35:04.140 That guy's a tire jack as a hat,
00:35:06.020 but he owns it.
00:35:06.680 He owns it,
00:35:07.340 baby.
00:35:07.920 That guy's got a yarmulke on. 0.98
00:35:09.360 Gross. 0.89
00:35:09.940 But he owns it. 0.98
00:35:10.580 But he owns it,
00:35:11.240 dude.
00:35:11.940 That hair wallet.
00:35:12.860 That's what I used to call it.
00:35:15.060 Um,
00:35:16.900 do,
00:35:17.580 uh,
00:35:18.620 what did you like?
00:35:19.280 Did you like growing up in New Orleans?
00:35:20.760 Cause you had a wild,
00:35:21.800 it was tough.
00:35:23.200 Cause I grew up,
00:35:23.820 I grew up outside of there.
00:35:24.800 A lot of times people,
00:35:25.560 you know,
00:35:25.740 be like,
00:35:25.980 oh,
00:35:26.260 you and Mark Norman know each other.
00:35:27.700 I know Mark and I know like,
00:35:29.340 you know,
00:35:29.520 I remember different guys from there.
00:35:30.840 Wow.
00:35:31.200 Bill that.
00:35:31.860 Oh yeah.
00:35:32.360 Bill Dykes.
00:35:32.940 Yeah.
00:35:33.140 Bill Dykes.
00:35:33.940 Um,
00:35:34.900 who else?
00:35:35.620 Scotland green was over there.
00:35:37.280 Scotland.
00:35:37.600 He's funny.
00:35:38.180 Yeah.
00:35:38.360 Really neat guy.
00:35:39.100 I haven't seen,
00:35:39.520 I know you,
00:35:39.880 I know you've seen him in New York over the years.
00:35:41.980 Um,
00:35:43.060 and then remember Patton.
00:35:44.820 Remember there was Neil.
00:35:45.740 Oh yeah.
00:35:46.080 Of course.
00:35:46.540 Patton.
00:35:47.020 Yeah.
00:35:47.260 Sean Patton,
00:35:48.620 uh,
00:35:49.920 Fouché,
00:35:50.460 Dane.
00:35:50.840 Oh,
00:35:51.300 Dane Fouché.
00:35:52.120 Yeah.
00:35:52.400 With the beard.
00:35:53.040 He was funny.
00:35:53.740 Yeah.
00:35:53.920 He was so nice too.
00:35:55.100 Yeah.
00:35:55.320 That was back when like,
00:35:56.080 if you were doing comedy back then you loved comedy because now it's kind of hip and it's
00:35:59.980 a fad and everybody's like,
00:36:01.040 Oh,
00:36:01.160 for my new year's resolution,
00:36:02.800 I'll do standup.
00:36:03.520 You're like,
00:36:03.740 ah,
00:36:03.920 get out of here. 0.93
00:36:04.580 Yeah.
00:36:04.880 You don't like it.
00:36:05.860 Yeah.
00:36:06.180 Yeah.
00:36:06.600 But we had,
00:36:07.260 we had to do it.
00:36:08.020 We was like in us,
00:36:08.880 you know,
00:36:09.200 and we weren't making any money,
00:36:10.520 but yeah,
00:36:10.780 those guys all,
00:36:11.600 I looked up to all you guys cause you guys were a little older.
00:36:14.380 You,
00:36:14.440 you'd been on stage a few times and I didn't even know how to pull the mic out.
00:36:17.760 Like you forget. 1.00
00:36:18.400 That's all you have to learn all that shit. 1.00
00:36:20.060 Yeah. 1.00
00:36:20.220 You know?
00:36:20.520 And I saw you,
00:36:21.020 you were so cool and collected up there.
00:36:23.480 Oh,
00:36:23.740 it's so funny.
00:36:24.400 I think I had like,
00:36:25.640 I remember your bits still.
00:36:26.920 Aren't we all under the weather?
00:36:28.420 Yeah.
00:36:28.620 The old dad.
00:36:29.460 I remember all of them.
00:36:30.640 Yeah.
00:36:30.860 Cause I didn't know how to write a joke.
00:36:31.900 So I would just study and like,
00:36:33.340 Oh,
00:36:33.480 that's what you do.
00:36:34.220 Oh,
00:36:34.420 that's pretty good.
00:36:35.100 Okay. 0.99
00:36:35.580 And then I would go up there and bomb. 0.89
00:36:37.340 I don't think you bombed. 0.90
00:36:38.520 Do you?
00:36:39.580 Boy,
00:36:39.940 did I,
00:36:40.200 I bombed for four years.
00:36:42.260 I mean,
00:36:42.880 I had a couple like out of a 10 minutes.
00:36:45.180 You know,
00:36:46.080 you had some good chuckle.
00:36:47.100 It was obvious that you were into it though.
00:36:48.960 I was into it.
00:36:49.640 I was hooked.
00:36:51.020 Nothing going on.
00:36:51.760 And I was jealous.
00:36:52.900 I thought you were like this Jewish kid. 1.00
00:36:54.420 And I was like,
00:36:54.840 Oh man,
00:36:55.340 look at this.
00:36:55.960 Another young Jew going to sneak over that in New York and make it happen. 1.00
00:36:59.980 You know,
00:37:00.180 some kind of nepotism or just Jewish magic. 0.89
00:37:02.720 Right.
00:37:03.500 Right.
00:37:04.080 Yeah.
00:37:04.460 Yeah.
00:37:04.940 But you weren't.
00:37:06.040 That Yiddish dust. 1.00
00:37:07.320 Yeah,
00:37:07.660 bro.
00:37:07.860 I'm sprinkling.
00:37:08.300 But no,
00:37:08.660 nothing.
00:37:08.760 You're probably quarter Yidd. 0.96
00:37:09.720 You might've hidden Yidd. 1.00
00:37:10.700 I got a little,
00:37:11.400 little something in me.
00:37:12.740 Crouching tiger Yiddin mark.
00:37:14.620 I think.
00:37:15.060 I got no foreskin.
00:37:16.460 That's for sure.
00:37:17.180 Oh, 1.00
00:37:17.280 damn. 1.00
00:37:17.660 Yeah. 1.00
00:37:17.920 So that part of me is a little Jewy,
00:37:19.340 but I wish I'm a big fan of the,
00:37:21.900 of the Jews.
00:37:22.620 I love a Semite. 1.00
00:37:24.140 Yeah.
00:37:24.840 But the funny thing is about like a lot of Jewish people.
00:37:27.780 It's like,
00:37:28.040 Oh,
00:37:28.160 they act like they're so good at everything.
00:37:30.240 And then they are.
00:37:32.820 That's the funny thing.
00:37:33.820 Sometimes.
00:37:34.280 I think that's why people hate them.
00:37:35.580 You got to realize there's 6% of the country and they're killing everything. 1.00
00:37:39.060 They got the media,
00:37:39.960 the banks,
00:37:40.600 lawyers,
00:37:41.120 doctors,
00:37:42.080 accounting, 1.00
00:37:42.700 all that shit. 1.00
00:37:43.220 It's all Jews. 1.00
00:37:44.320 Yeah.
00:37:45.500 6%.
00:37:45.860 But then also there's a dark side of having a Jewish buddy. 0.98
00:37:48.200 A one spoon of bad yogurt and you don't see him for,
00:37:51.360 you know,
00:37:51.600 Oh,
00:37:52.060 good point.
00:37:52.840 Good point.
00:37:53.420 Yeah.
00:37:53.680 Yeah.
00:37:53.880 You give one of an avocado.
00:37:55.300 He's going to break out.
00:37:56.100 No reaction.
00:37:57.000 It's true.
00:37:57.660 They got the allergies real bad.
00:37:59.080 Yeah.
00:37:59.520 Yeah. 1.00
00:37:59.680 You give a fucking half of a mango and he breaks out into Christianity. 1.00
00:38:03.440 Yeah. 1.00
00:38:04.300 Yeah.
00:38:04.540 Exactly.
00:38:04.900 You just got some sand Christian wandering around with you. 1.00
00:38:07.540 Not to mention ISIS.
00:38:09.040 But yeah,
00:38:09.640 but it's weird because Jerusalem,
00:38:11.320 it's all these swarthy, 0.99
00:38:12.660 tan,
00:38:13.560 dark haired,
00:38:14.620 sexy beasts.
00:38:15.500 And then you go to Brooklyn at some guy at a diner going,
00:38:18.280 Oh,
00:38:18.700 if this says dairy in it, 1.00
00:38:20.160 I'll kill myself or whatever. 0.68
00:38:22.060 So it's a weird, 0.98
00:38:23.060 uh,
00:38:23.480 contradiction.
00:38:24.780 Yeah,
00:38:25.000 totally.
00:38:25.660 Yeah.
00:38:25.800 It's a different,
00:38:26.320 the American Jew is different.
00:38:27.380 I think than the,
00:38:28.160 uh,
00:38:28.480 the OJs.
00:38:29.800 Yeah,
00:38:30.020 exactly.
00:38:30.760 Exactly.
00:38:31.400 OJ.
00:38:32.200 The original Jews over there. 0.99
00:38:33.300 Oh,
00:38:33.640 I see.
00:38:34.000 Or Israel, 0.91
00:38:34.660 people from Israel.
00:38:35.620 Got it.
00:38:36.000 Got it.
00:38:36.300 Got it.
00:38:36.540 Got it.
00:38:36.740 The home,
00:38:37.120 the home team.
00:38:37.740 But we didn't have,
00:38:38.380 we didn't,
00:38:38.660 when I was growing up,
00:38:39.260 we didn't have any Jewish people around us.
00:38:40.480 My mom dated a Jewish black guy for a little while.
00:38:43.000 Zolly.
00:38:43.520 A Sammy Dave.
00:38:44.580 Yeah.
00:38:44.840 Zolly Richburg.
00:38:45.960 Zolly Richburg.
00:38:47.160 Yeah.
00:38:47.700 Wow.
00:38:48.160 Took me to my first Saints game.
00:38:49.320 Or gave me,
00:38:49.680 he got his tickets to go to our first Saints game.
00:38:51.620 There you go.
00:38:52.560 But yeah,
00:38:52.880 we just didn't,
00:38:53.280 they didn't have a lot of that around.
00:38:54.360 They didn't have a lot of that.
00:38:55.240 At least not in Covington.
00:38:56.500 Yeah.
00:38:56.960 Well,
00:38:57.160 I grew up in a Treme and I went to De La Salle for high school. 0.74
00:39:01.000 Oh,
00:39:01.040 wow.
00:39:01.400 Cause my,
00:39:01.740 the public schools are getting a little rough.
00:39:03.180 Yeah.
00:39:03.480 So my dad's like,
00:39:03.980 you're going to private school.
00:39:05.540 Was that men's De La Salle?
00:39:06.980 No,
00:39:07.180 that was co-ed.
00:39:07.920 Thank God.
00:39:08.660 I think my,
00:39:09.200 I think this girl Talia that I used to date.
00:39:10.820 Yes.
00:39:11.640 Oh dude,
00:39:12.380 I was in love with her.
00:39:13.400 That worked.
00:39:13.720 I was so impressed that you pulled that.
00:39:16.060 Yeah.
00:39:16.200 She was a beautiful girl,
00:39:17.220 man.
00:39:17.400 Beautiful.
00:39:18.360 Still.
00:39:18.760 What is she doing now? 0.98
00:39:19.620 I'd love to get a look at her. 0.76
00:39:21.560 I saw her a couple months ago or a couple of like a year ago.
00:39:24.320 Still beautiful.
00:39:24.660 Humdinger.
00:39:25.040 Yeah.
00:39:25.500 Humdinger.
00:39:25.920 I mean,
00:39:26.040 that was back when like,
00:39:26.980 there's no hot girls in New Orleans. 1.00
00:39:28.360 I'm sorry.
00:39:28.940 I grew up there.
00:39:29.640 There's like six.
00:39:30.540 It's like the Britain of. 0.95
00:39:32.000 Yes.
00:39:32.760 Yeah.
00:39:33.040 Yeah.
00:39:33.720 Yeah.
00:39:34.000 They got some rough gumbo mug.
00:39:36.180 It's something's up down there.
00:39:37.880 Well,
00:39:38.040 it's just a lot of heat in the food,
00:39:39.380 man.
00:39:39.540 And it comes out through the skin.
00:39:40.640 It comes out through the pores,
00:39:41.480 through the back.
00:39:42.080 That's right.
00:39:42.740 That's right.
00:39:43.280 It's a lot of blotchy,
00:39:44.640 sweaty, 0.99
00:39:45.360 fat skanks down there. 1.00
00:39:47.660 And I mean,
00:39:48.620 I love the people.
00:39:49.600 I'm just saying,
00:39:50.140 you're not going to find a Miss New Orleans. 1.00
00:39:52.100 Right.
00:39:52.240 You can't have a lady that's had 9,000 oysters and she's clocking in visually. 1.00
00:39:56.020 Right.
00:39:56.320 Right. 0.58
00:39:56.600 She looks like a crawdad at that point, 0.53
00:39:58.740 you know?
00:39:59.180 Yeah.
00:39:59.380 Yeah.
00:39:59.440 Heavy on the crawl.
00:40:00.700 Yeah.
00:40:01.480 Yeah.
00:40:01.840 Yeah.
00:40:02.000 She's a real boudin mug. 0.67
00:40:04.100 So.
00:40:04.360 Yeah.
00:40:04.560 A lot of.
00:40:05.200 Yeah.
00:40:05.700 There's like two and they all leave,
00:40:07.120 you know, 0.99
00:40:07.300 they go to fucking Houston or something. 0.99
00:40:09.000 I don't know where they go. 0.99
00:40:09.780 And she worked at that place, 0.89
00:40:10.660 Lucy's,
00:40:11.120 but.
00:40:11.540 She did?
00:40:12.360 Yeah.
00:40:12.680 She worked at that. 0.93
00:40:13.260 That's how I met her.
00:40:14.700 Wow.
00:40:15.360 She was smoking,
00:40:16.640 man.
00:40:16.800 Like she was a humdinger.
00:40:18.260 Yeah.
00:40:18.460 She was a humdinger,
00:40:19.340 man.
00:40:19.780 I wonder what she's doing now.
00:40:20.160 Yeah.
00:40:20.260 She was a nice girl.
00:40:21.020 She was really cool.
00:40:21.780 We still communicate once in a while.
00:40:22.860 She got engaged,
00:40:23.520 I think.
00:40:23.860 Oh,
00:40:24.080 good for her.
00:40:24.600 Good for her.
00:40:24.900 She got engaged and cool family and stuff.
00:40:28.740 But what were we talking about?
00:40:29.440 I remember,
00:40:30.020 dude,
00:40:30.180 I stayed at her house for a while and I used to have this nervous condition.
00:40:33.480 I would urinate in the sink,
00:40:34.800 right? 0.94
00:40:35.260 Ah.
00:40:35.860 And.
00:40:36.180 Like on purpose? 1.00
00:40:39.400 Like you would put your dick in the sink and pee? 1.00
00:40:41.520 It wouldn't go all the way in, 1.00
00:40:42.540 but yeah,
00:40:42.780 I would get up there.
00:40:43.580 Okay.
00:40:44.140 Okay.
00:40:44.580 And.
00:40:45.320 Just trying to visualize.
00:40:46.560 Yeah.
00:40:47.180 No,
00:40:47.480 no,
00:40:47.540 no,
00:40:47.620 that's fine.
00:40:47.980 Yeah.
00:40:48.320 Yeah.
00:40:48.540 So I'd go in there and when I was standing at her folks house,
00:40:51.320 that's how they,
00:40:52.060 they busted me.
00:40:53.740 Oh,
00:40:53.880 because the cats.
00:40:55.020 Oh,
00:40:55.060 no.
00:40:56.360 And this is why I have issues with cats,
00:40:57.820 man,
00:40:57.980 because the cats would get over and they would start peeing in the sink and stuff to combat somebody
00:41:02.680 else being in the neighborhood.
00:41:04.080 a little territorial.
00:41:05.120 Yeah.
00:41:05.300 And so they're like,
00:41:06.720 and they cornered me one time at breakfast,
00:41:08.540 like you peeing in the sink,
00:41:09.720 dude.
00:41:10.520 Well,
00:41:10.700 how did they know?
00:41:11.660 Cause of the cats,
00:41:12.660 man.
00:41:12.800 But how did the cats aren't?
00:41:13.840 Because I was the only rare,
00:41:15.060 I was the rare L.
00:41:16.180 I was the,
00:41:16.540 the unique element.
00:41:17.820 Outsider.
00:41:18.220 Yes.
00:41:18.620 You're the variable.
00:41:19.640 Yes.
00:41:20.180 Interesting.
00:41:20.620 Like,
00:41:20.760 why would the cats be peeing in the sink?
00:41:21.820 Cause something's peeing in the sink.
00:41:23.200 Wow.
00:41:23.460 That's pretty good detective.
00:41:24.460 I wouldn't, 1.00
00:41:24.720 I would have just been like these fucking cats are running my sink. 1.00
00:41:27.000 I would have thought to you. 1.00
00:41:27.580 Shout out Tarrytown detectives,
00:41:28.940 bro.
00:41:30.160 TT.
00:41:30.860 Yeah,
00:41:31.080 dude. 0.99
00:41:32.040 Tarrytown's a good place to get Nikes and murdered. 1.00
00:41:34.200 I feel like, 0.99
00:41:35.040 bro.
00:41:36.240 Yeah.
00:41:36.640 There was one gated community,
00:41:38.040 but outside of it,
00:41:38.720 it was hell.
00:41:39.420 It was very ungated.
00:41:40.600 Yes.
00:41:41.160 Yes.
00:41:41.600 Um,
00:41:42.180 wow.
00:41:42.840 Yeah.
00:41:43.020 I used to wet the bed.
00:41:44.440 Oh yeah.
00:41:44.940 Yeah.
00:41:45.400 Dude.
00:41:45.740 It's one of the ways I totally relate to you.
00:41:46.960 I wet the bed forever.
00:41:47.800 Is that right?
00:41:48.400 Oh man. 1.00
00:41:48.860 Oh shit. 0.99
00:41:49.680 That, 1.00
00:41:49.960 that'll give a guy some character.
00:41:51.920 I'll tell you that because you know,
00:41:54.080 you got to deal with it.
00:41:54.940 You're like seven at a friend's house.
00:41:57.160 They're all snoozing.
00:41:58.140 It's four in the morning.
00:41:58.820 You go,
00:41:59.540 all right,
00:41:59.780 I got to figure out,
00:42:01.480 I got to have a game plan.
00:42:03.000 Yeah.
00:42:03.180 It makes you so sneaky.
00:42:05.040 Yes.
00:42:05.480 Yes.
00:42:05.780 And it makes you realize like,
00:42:06.900 Hey, 0.99
00:42:07.080 this shit ain't fair, 0.99
00:42:08.020 but let's do something about it. 1.00
00:42:09.480 You know,
00:42:09.660 you can't just sit here and go,
00:42:10.600 Oh,
00:42:10.820 what do I do?
00:42:11.800 You know,
00:42:12.420 you got to start.
00:42:13.140 I learned how to use a washer dry.
00:42:14.460 I remember reading the instructions inside the dryer door going,
00:42:17.140 Oh,
00:42:17.360 okay.
00:42:17.680 All right.
00:42:18.080 You know,
00:42:18.740 and,
00:42:19.120 uh,
00:42:19.580 flipping sheets,
00:42:20.580 flipping mattresses.
00:42:21.520 I,
00:42:21.740 one time I peed the bed at my friend's house and I was just covered in piss.
00:42:24.440 Oh,
00:42:24.560 I slept in my clothes covered in piss.
00:42:26.260 I didn't have any extra clothes.
00:42:27.160 So I had to go to summer camp with him the next day covered in piss wet the
00:42:31.220 whole day.
00:42:31.680 And I finally dried around lunchtime.
00:42:33.440 Yeah.
00:42:33.800 But I just had to just not let anybody touch me.
00:42:36.100 And I smelled like whiz and,
00:42:38.060 and you know,
00:42:38.520 older people knew you smell like whiz.
00:42:39.960 That's the crazy thing.
00:42:41.180 They knew.
00:42:41.820 YMCA summer camp.
00:42:42.600 Like you want me to play kickball?
00:42:44.320 Dude, 1.00
00:42:44.500 I'm fucking. 1.00
00:42:45.220 Yeah. 1.00
00:42:45.420 I'm soaking wet.
00:42:46.140 I'm like a tie dye here,
00:42:47.300 but it's all whiz.
00:42:48.540 Yeah.
00:42:49.540 But yeah,
00:42:50.060 that was a rough time.
00:42:50.880 That was the worst waking up at night at a friend's house.
00:42:53.060 Cause you were already so scared to stay at a friend's.
00:42:54.720 You were so scared to go to sleep.
00:42:55.940 Yes.
00:42:56.260 Cause the only thing I could think of every night,
00:42:58.000 if I go to sleep,
00:42:58.620 am I going to wet the bed?
00:42:59.660 Exactly.
00:43:00.120 And then how's it going to make me feel about myself?
00:43:01.880 It's going to be bad.
00:43:02.740 And then you wake up at a friend's and it's literally like the worst game
00:43:06.240 show you've ever been on.
00:43:07.800 Yeah.
00:43:08.240 Yeah.
00:43:08.400 You have to figure out how to dry the sheets.
00:43:10.640 Yep.
00:43:11.240 Dude.
00:43:11.360 I remember having a lamp one time in somebody's room and I snuck over with the
00:43:14.480 sheet and I just set it over the lamp.
00:43:16.240 Dry it.
00:43:16.700 To dry where the heat was coming out of the top of the lamp and I would
00:43:18.720 move it over just a little at a time in that space.
00:43:21.780 And I could smell the urine burning off. 1.00
00:43:24.280 It's like fucking survivor. 1.00
00:43:25.780 You got to like figure it out. 1.00
00:43:26.640 It's naked and afraid.
00:43:27.580 Except you're wet and afraid.
00:43:28.380 You are.
00:43:29.380 Yeah.
00:43:30.180 And you don't want their mom to wake up.
00:43:31.880 Even though some of the people's moms probably would have been cool. 1.00
00:43:34.080 Of course.
00:43:34.540 You just didn't want your buddy really to know.
00:43:36.080 That was the toughest part.
00:43:37.180 I remember one time I went to bed.
00:43:38.360 It was like a big sleepover.
00:43:39.460 My friend had this big house.
00:43:40.440 It was like eight of us.
00:43:41.260 And I woke up and all eight friends were around me standing,
00:43:44.960 looking down at me with the mom.
00:43:46.600 And I went, huh?
00:43:47.800 I looked down, I'm covered in pee, and they're all staring at me.
00:43:49.780 And one of my friends goes, why do you do that?
00:43:52.420 And it just crushed me.
00:43:53.720 You know when you're like nine?
00:43:54.740 You're like, I don't know.
00:43:55.740 Stop looking at me.
00:43:57.040 It was brutal.
00:43:58.500 And the mom's like, get up, get up. 0.98
00:44:00.220 Like she was pissed. 1.00
00:44:00.980 Like you ruined my fucking celie. 1.00
00:44:02.860 Yeah. 0.99
00:44:03.340 So yeah, that was tough.
00:44:05.100 Why do you do that?
00:44:06.140 That's the worst.
00:44:07.100 Tough, man.
00:44:07.780 Tough.
00:44:07.920 And then at home, did you have to clean your own bed?
00:44:09.580 Did you have to clean the bed off and put new sheets on at night?
00:44:11.740 Sure, I would flip that mattress, you know, constantly.
00:44:14.400 You didn't have a covered mattress?
00:44:15.760 No, because I had it, but it was too disheartening.
00:44:18.720 Every time you sit down, it sounded like a bag of Fritos.
00:44:20.800 Yeah.
00:44:21.080 So I was like, I gotta just live with it.
00:44:23.700 I can't live with a crinkle.
00:44:25.060 I'll just take the soaking wet mattress.
00:44:26.960 Yeah, yeah.
00:44:27.700 I don't want to hear this.
00:44:28.760 Yeah.
00:44:29.120 It's like wearing a, some people say, why don't you wear a diaper? 0.99
00:44:31.340 Because I'm fucking not retarded, all right? 0.99
00:44:33.500 I'm not wearing a diaper. 1.00
00:44:34.340 I'd rather be covered in shit than wear a diaper. 0.99
00:44:37.260 I can't do it. 1.00
00:44:38.440 Dude, that's what I say like about bike helmets.
00:44:40.040 It's like, I would rather my father die getting hit by a car on a bicycle than see my father
00:44:45.560 ever come in the door wearing a bike helmet.
00:44:47.340 Oh, that helmet's a bad look.
00:44:49.080 Just sitting up there, the plastic yarmulke.
00:44:51.500 Never looks the same, bro.
00:44:52.980 No, no.
00:44:53.960 Brutal. 0.99
00:44:54.620 My dad, one time my dad lost his job and we were like, oh shit, you know, it's kind 0.99
00:44:59.340 of like scary. 0.82
00:44:59.840 What's dad going to do?
00:45:00.580 How are we going to pay the bills?
00:45:01.480 I was young.
00:45:02.200 And he came in one day with a gumball machine over his shoulder and we're like, what are
00:45:07.040 you doing, dad?
00:45:07.600 And he's like, hey, you know, got to make ends meet.
00:45:10.000 And I was like, oh, my dad's a gumball guy.
00:45:12.260 He's the guy like setting up gumballs in a ride aid and then taking the quarters out.
00:45:15.720 Like he was, he was struggling.
00:45:17.520 Yeah.
00:45:17.760 And I was like, ooh, this is like your role model.
00:45:20.720 You know, you know, this guy, he's wearing a suit and every day and driving a nice car. 0.99
00:45:24.800 And then one day he's carrying a fucking gumball machine. 1.00
00:45:27.540 Damn. 1.00
00:45:28.120 With stickers in it and shit. 1.00
00:45:29.800 Was it embarrassing? 0.97
00:45:30.880 Like did you, did you have embarrassment, like bringing people over to your place and stuff
00:45:34.340 like that?
00:45:34.620 Oh yeah, my parents are real weirdos.
00:45:36.360 Like my dad was a bottomless a lot.
00:45:39.040 And the old Daffy Duck.
00:45:41.020 Oh wow.
00:45:41.460 Yeah.
00:45:41.600 That's a unique vibe, huh?
00:45:42.840 Yeah.
00:45:43.140 Well, he didn't know like my friends would be home and so he'd have a t-shirt on with
00:45:45.820 no bottoms.
00:45:46.780 And he'd be like, oh, excuse me there, Larry.
00:45:49.440 And I was like, ah, geez.
00:45:51.340 And then my dad and my mom ate weird food.
00:45:54.060 So like we never had soda, you know, we never had like Lunchables or Gushers or any of that 0.98
00:45:58.780 fun shit. 0.78
00:45:59.260 It was always like, what is it, evaporated milk was over there a lot. 0.99
00:46:04.360 We had like, we didn't have ranch dressing, but we had vinaigrette like in that weird
00:46:08.080 French bottle and it was all stained and gross.
00:46:10.960 Yeah.
00:46:11.620 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:46:12.140 My mom was a weird chef foodie twat thing and it was brutal. 1.00
00:46:17.300 Damn. 1.00
00:46:17.720 You know, some people had like Domino's, you know, we didn't have any of that shit. 1.00
00:46:20.800 They're like, that's bad for you, which I get now. 1.00
00:46:23.060 But at the time you're like, can't we order some Pizza Hut, you idiots? 1.00
00:46:25.520 You know what's also bad for us? 1.00
00:46:26.380 You're not having nothing.
00:46:27.300 Yes, yes.
00:46:28.360 It'd be like half a radish in there.
00:46:30.040 And you're like, come on, I'm not eating a radish.
00:46:31.920 I'm eight.
00:46:32.660 You need to be healthy.
00:46:33.640 I'm like, I'll be anything.
00:46:35.160 Yeah, yeah, I'll be fed.
00:46:36.300 I just want to look at food.
00:46:37.540 I know, I know.
00:46:38.600 You know, some people had like Doritos. 0.99
00:46:40.180 Do you have Doritos?
00:46:40.720 Oh, we didn't have, no, we didn't have any of that. 1.00
00:46:42.080 None of that Pop-Tart, all that shit was like gold to me. 0.99
00:46:44.400 My mom was definitely the same way. 0.99
00:46:45.800 She was very health conscious.
00:46:47.120 Yeah.
00:46:47.660 But also like, but also, yeah, she wouldn't get us like the regular stuff that all the other
00:46:53.740 kids had.
00:46:54.120 And also, I think some of it was kind of pricey, you know?
00:46:56.520 Yeah.
00:46:57.080 So some of that came into play.
00:46:58.180 But yeah, man, I remember it was always embarrassing, this stuff.
00:47:01.660 Not only did my, like, everything else felt embarrassing, but the stuff we had to eat felt
00:47:05.520 embarrassing a lot of times.
00:47:06.060 Yes, same, same. 0.86
00:47:06.960 And kids are so cruel.
00:47:07.960 Like, why don't you have soda?
00:47:09.020 Yeah.
00:47:09.180 And you're like, oh, I don't know.
00:47:10.360 I'm not coming over.
00:47:11.020 You guys don't have any cookies.
00:47:11.820 You guys don't have any snacks.
00:47:12.600 You don't have anything.
00:47:13.720 Oh, how about school lunch?
00:47:14.960 I would have a grocery bag.
00:47:16.480 Like, some people had a lunchbox. 0.98
00:47:17.400 I had a grocery bag with all kinds of weird shit in it and a jar of chocolate milk, like 0.99
00:47:21.860 a glass jar. 0.99
00:47:22.640 Were you going to school at the Greyhound station?
00:47:24.820 Yes.
00:47:25.280 This is the worst thing ever.
00:47:26.120 It was Bolt Bus.
00:47:27.300 But my mom would be like, bring that jar back. 1.00
00:47:29.280 So I was like, all right.
00:47:29.940 So after lunch, I'm the guy with the jar.
00:47:31.900 I'd be like, what are you doing with the jar?
00:47:32.780 I'm like, I got to get it home. 0.98
00:47:33.940 They thought I had a kidney in there or some shit. 0.99
00:47:35.800 It was brutal. 1.00
00:47:36.840 I looked like I had moonshine on me.
00:47:39.540 Brutal, Nick.
00:47:40.160 But so right here, even just hearing this, it creates a world inside of you.
00:47:47.560 It's like, so suddenly there's so many more little elements to the world.
00:47:50.740 It's like, not only am I going to school today, but I have this weird lunch.
00:47:54.680 I have to hide it.
00:47:55.760 I have to make everything look cool.
00:47:57.440 So suddenly you're creating like all these levels to the world.
00:48:00.400 Yes.
00:48:00.760 And you're getting creative.
00:48:01.720 Yeah.
00:48:01.900 And you're getting creative.
00:48:02.540 You're talking fast.
00:48:03.420 Why do you have a jar? 1.00
00:48:04.080 Then you're coming up with shit. 1.00
00:48:05.000 You make a joke out of it. 1.00
00:48:05.940 You spin the bottle or something. 1.00
00:48:07.340 You grab a guy's ass. 1.00
00:48:08.720 Just something to get it off of you. 1.00
00:48:10.160 You're hiding.
00:48:11.160 You're sneaking around.
00:48:11.700 You have something to get it off of you.
00:48:13.200 Yes.
00:48:13.520 Yes.
00:48:13.860 And then you develop this weird thing where you think everybody's paying attention to
00:48:16.400 what you're doing.
00:48:17.180 Yes.
00:48:17.540 So you have to always be performing because even when nobody's looking at you, you think
00:48:21.760 everybody is.
00:48:22.620 Yes.
00:48:22.800 So you always are like trying to seem okay, trying to seem like this.
00:48:26.900 So then right there, even inadvertently, you get used to being a performer.
00:48:30.600 Right.
00:48:30.940 Without even your own like, so then it makes sense that when there's an opportunity to perform
00:48:35.620 somewhere that it's inside of you, oh, I could do this maybe.
00:48:38.440 Yes.
00:48:38.800 Exactly.
00:48:39.160 Because I've been oddly doing this forever.
00:48:41.600 That's a great realization right there.
00:48:43.000 I never thought about that before.
00:48:43.700 I heard a great quote about comedy.
00:48:45.480 The reason people do stand up is so you can control why people laugh at you.
00:48:49.360 And I remember I heard that and it hit me because it's so true. 1.00
00:48:53.020 You don't want them to laugh at you for wetting the bed, but you want them to laugh at you
00:48:56.500 for what you pick.
00:48:57.520 Right.
00:48:57.740 You know, and I think that's a big part of stand up.
00:49:00.560 Yeah.
00:49:01.420 Yeah.
00:49:01.940 Yeah.
00:49:02.700 Yeah.
00:49:03.040 I want to be able to, I have to, I need to have some way of controlling what you think
00:49:07.280 about me.
00:49:07.880 Yes.
00:49:08.560 Because so many other things in my life made me feel like I have no control over why
00:49:13.180 these people are looking at me this way or what's going on.
00:49:16.220 Right.
00:49:16.640 Right.
00:49:17.020 Yeah. 0.99
00:49:17.260 Like all that mom, like the weird shit your parents would do and stuff that I had no 0.99
00:49:20.360 control over. 0.99
00:49:21.020 Exactly.
00:49:21.080 I had to live in this sentence.
00:49:23.000 Exactly. 0.98
00:49:23.280 That was so fucking bizarre. 0.98
00:49:25.100 Totally. 0.99
00:49:25.560 I mean, I had a transgender nanny. 1.00
00:49:27.380 I mean, we had all kinds of weird shit in my house. 1.00
00:49:29.220 My teacher thought I was retarded when I was in third grade. 0.99
00:49:32.320 True story.
00:49:33.600 I remember she gave it.
00:49:34.340 That's awesome.
00:49:34.840 My mom had to like come in and be like, I swear to God, he's not, you know.
00:49:38.360 But she was like, why do you think he's retarded?
00:49:39.720 And she goes, look at this paper.
00:49:41.100 And it was, you know, we were little.
00:49:42.560 So it was a page of instruments like drawn, like a flute, a guitar, a piano, whatever.
00:49:47.700 And the instructions were circle the instruments.
00:49:50.160 And I circled them all.
00:49:51.100 And I circled a saw, like a hand saw. 1.00
00:49:53.100 And she's like, look, he's got to be an idiot. 1.00
00:49:55.160 He circled a saw. 1.00
00:49:56.100 But I saw a Marx Brothers movie when I was like seven where he played a saw.
00:50:00.160 Yeah.
00:50:00.540 And so I circled a saw because in my mind, I'm like, yeah, it's music.
00:50:02.940 So when I told my mom that, she was like, oh, thank God. 0.99
00:50:06.040 I was about to, you know, ship you off to Indonesia and have you killed. 1.00
00:50:09.380 We thought you were an idiot. 1.00
00:50:10.440 But so that was, so, you know, it was thinking outside the box was risky back then. 1.00
00:50:16.100 Yeah.
00:50:17.260 Yeah.
00:50:17.580 I remember I've told this story before, but I had the first kid I ever met that had a stutter.
00:50:21.300 I thought it was the best thing I'd ever heard.
00:50:22.700 I was like, oh, my God.
00:50:23.640 Oh, yeah.
00:50:24.280 Who's this magic man?
00:50:25.380 Right.
00:50:25.900 It's free entertainment.
00:50:26.980 Yeah.
00:50:27.200 Who's this freaking early Tiesto?
00:50:30.400 You know what I'm saying? 0.76
00:50:31.600 This Oakenfold over here.
00:50:33.020 Who is this guy?
00:50:33.880 Yeah.
00:50:34.160 And so I started having a stutter because I thought it was so cool.
00:50:40.480 Isn't that interesting?
00:50:41.480 And then I got in trouble for it at school.
00:50:43.980 Oh, because you were mocking him.
00:50:45.040 They thought I was mocking him.
00:50:45.900 I'm like, I'm not mocking him.
00:50:46.980 Like, you don't understand.
00:50:48.160 I think this is the neatest thing ever.
00:50:50.220 And I love the kid.
00:50:50.940 It was a nice kid named Doug.
00:50:52.060 And so that, like, yeah, when they said, oh, you can't do that.
00:50:56.400 Right.
00:50:56.960 I was like, you just don't see that there's other ways to do things.
00:50:59.720 Exactly.
00:51:00.200 Exactly.
00:51:00.620 And I get where they're coming from because they don't hurt the kid, but they didn't see
00:51:03.400 your point of view.
00:51:04.160 And you had no maliciousness.
00:51:06.080 Right.
00:51:06.300 I didn't have any maliciousness.
00:51:07.340 Right.
00:51:08.460 But it's, yeah, I don't know, man.
00:51:10.320 But growing up in Louisiana was, uh.
00:51:12.980 It was tough, man, especially in my neighborhood.
00:51:15.480 I don't know.
00:51:16.100 You seemed kind of, you had some white, some blacks.
00:51:18.900 It was kind of suburban-y.
00:51:19.860 It was just kind of poor, black and white, but yeah, kind of suburban-y.
00:51:22.940 Just kind of like, not redneck. 0.66
00:51:24.600 Yeah.
00:51:25.000 Just kind of, and I'm not judging the people.
00:51:28.440 It was just a poor environment.
00:51:30.240 Sure, sure, yeah.
00:51:31.080 But in Treme, I can't even imagine growing up over there.
00:51:33.720 It was scary.
00:51:34.620 It was pretty scary. 1.00
00:51:35.440 Like, I'm all fidgety because of that shit. 1.00
00:51:37.320 Yeah. 1.00
00:51:37.420 And my house was robbed constantly.
00:51:39.460 You had a duplex?
00:51:40.540 No, we had a mansion.
00:51:41.440 Oh, wow.
00:51:41.960 Yeah, my dad bought a mansion that was dilapidated on Esplanade Avenue.
00:51:45.520 Oh, my God.
00:51:45.940 Right by the French Quarter.
00:51:47.580 And it used to be like.
00:51:48.780 Was your dad Ignatius Riley?
00:51:50.980 Well, I think if you really want to get into it, my dad had a real bad childhood, and he's
00:51:55.300 like, he always wanted to make something of himself, but he never really did. 0.69
00:51:58.200 So then he saw this mansion for cheap, cheap, cheap, because the neighborhood sucked.
00:52:02.140 It didn't have plumbing.
00:52:02.880 It was falling apart.
00:52:03.540 There was holes in the walls, broken windows.
00:52:05.240 But it was a mansion.
00:52:05.860 But it was a mansion.
00:52:06.900 And we also had this BMW when I was a kid.
00:52:08.620 It had holes in the seats, and it was rusted out, but it was a BMW.
00:52:11.400 Right.
00:52:11.520 You know, N-word rich, some people call it.
00:52:14.420 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:52:15.040 Yeah.
00:52:15.420 So, yeah, it was a horrible way to live, because everybody thought we were rich.
00:52:19.660 We were the white family in the mansion.
00:52:21.480 And we moved in.
00:52:22.260 They're like, oh, these people got to have money.
00:52:23.880 So we got robbed constantly.
00:52:25.660 So my dad installed this alarm system, and it would go, woo, woo, woo, like, go crazy
00:52:30.940 at, like, two in the morning.
00:52:32.020 And I was, like, eight going, well, weird.
00:52:33.540 There's somebody in my living room right now. 0.98
00:52:35.300 Like, somebody below me is rifling through our shit and stealing our TV or whatever. 1.00
00:52:39.980 And you're like, he could come up and rape me and have his way with me and blow me and 1.00
00:52:43.360 all this. 1.00
00:52:43.900 And you're putting on nice negligence. 0.97
00:52:46.000 Yeah, I'm putting on makeup and perfume and doing my nails and all that shit. 0.97
00:52:48.900 So it was a skittish way to grow up. 0.77
00:52:51.580 Like, we'd come home a lot, and the door was just open. 0.99
00:52:53.460 You're like, fuck, we got robbed again. 0.98
00:52:54.800 And it's very violating, and just, you never felt comfortable. 1.00
00:52:58.720 Never.
00:52:59.180 Because you're like, we get robbed right now, you know?
00:53:01.100 Yeah.
00:53:02.020 Yeah, I can't imagine that level of it, you know?
00:53:04.620 Yeah.
00:53:05.100 Like, I think, yeah, I was, like, scared a lot, but that's, uh, I don't know if we ever
00:53:09.440 had that, yeah, coming home and being robbed and, like, just knowing somebody could be in
00:53:13.340 your place.
00:53:13.920 I always was scared that somebody was in our place while I was going to bed at night.
00:53:16.920 Yeah, yeah, that was a big one.
00:53:17.780 And I'd have to look everywhere.
00:53:19.220 Yes.
00:53:19.480 I'd have to open the closets, and I would hook these, like, cables from one door to the next
00:53:23.320 so, like, they couldn't open one door because it would, the other door would stop at, like,
00:53:27.660 just all this crazy level of checks and balances to just feel like, okay, I'm good.
00:53:32.660 Yeah.
00:53:32.780 That's cool.
00:53:33.560 Well, here's a bad one.
00:53:34.480 We got robbed a bunch, so we kept calling the cops, and eventually they were like, all
00:53:37.380 right, you guys keep calling us.
00:53:38.800 We're just going to stake out in your kitchen overnight, and maybe we'll catch a guy.
00:53:41.860 What?
00:53:42.220 So these two cops, plainclothes detectives, came, and we met them, and it was all exciting.
00:53:47.120 They had the belt gun and the badge on the belt thing, you know, the whole thing.
00:53:51.380 And I was like, oh, my God, I couldn't sleep then.
00:53:53.600 I was so excited.
00:53:54.220 Like, I hope they catch the guy. 1.00
00:53:54.980 I hope they beat the shit out of him and tase him and all this shit. 1.00
00:53:57.380 And I'm just laying in bed. 1.00
00:53:58.740 I'm so excited.
00:53:59.280 I finally fall asleep.
00:53:59.980 I wake up at, like, 6 in the morning.
00:54:01.300 I run downstairs imagining that they're going to have guys in a headlock and cuffed and put
00:54:05.280 them in the car.
00:54:06.140 Yeah.
00:54:06.560 And I run downstairs.
00:54:07.740 They stayed in the kitchen the whole night.
00:54:09.320 They ate everything.
00:54:10.380 They ate all the food.
00:54:11.700 So we got robbed again. 1.00
00:54:13.040 They ate all the fucking Cheerios and made pancakes because they got bored, and they just ate 1.00
00:54:18.220 everything. 1.00
00:54:19.240 Everything was gone. 1.00
00:54:20.340 Fucking cops, bro. 1.00
00:54:21.400 I know. 1.00
00:54:22.360 They took the radishes and the chicken bones and all that shit. 0.99
00:54:26.940 All the evaporated milk. 0.99
00:54:27.320 That's underfunded.
00:54:28.180 Dude, they're underfunded.
00:54:28.960 I guess.
00:54:29.620 I guess.
00:54:30.420 I didn't know that was part of the deal.
00:54:33.100 Brutal.
00:54:33.720 Brutal.
00:54:34.520 Yeah, New Orleans was tough, man.
00:54:35.820 It was a tough town.
00:54:36.380 And the scariest part was, like, the face-to-face crime.
00:54:39.200 Like, my bike got stolen.
00:54:40.280 Many a time.
00:54:41.120 Yeah. 0.62
00:54:41.640 And, you know, these are big, you know, black kids.
00:54:44.280 Urban men.
00:54:44.980 Yes, yes.
00:54:45.820 You know, they get puberty like four.
00:54:48.600 Yeah.
00:54:48.780 And, you know, they got, like, some mustache going and all this.
00:54:52.000 Oh, yeah.
00:54:52.620 They had some early, yeah.
00:54:53.820 Oh, yeah.
00:54:54.120 One kid named Puberty Wilson that they had in our neighborhood.
00:54:57.320 And this dude, I mean, was jacked up.
00:54:59.980 Oh, yeah.
00:55:00.740 He was born with a prison tattoo on his own.
00:55:02.460 Right.
00:55:03.000 Right.
00:55:03.500 Exactly.
00:55:04.260 Those weren't teardrops.
00:55:05.380 That was a tattoo.
00:55:06.380 It was a different environment.
00:55:07.360 Yeah. 0.97
00:55:07.440 The racial environment down there was just, it was just black people had nothing. 1.00
00:55:10.700 Right. 0.98
00:55:11.140 Right.
00:55:11.740 I mean, nothing.
00:55:12.620 And it was hard to realize that at the time.
00:55:14.520 Yeah.
00:55:14.740 Like, now, as I get older, you see, like, oh, okay.
00:55:18.280 These people had, they didn't have, you know, like, there wasn't any black doctors.
00:55:22.460 Right.
00:55:23.060 Like, they had nothing.
00:55:24.020 Not in that area, that's for sure.
00:55:25.400 Right.
00:55:25.620 So, you didn't have, of course, they wouldn't have any role models.
00:55:28.620 Like, it's going to be very, you know, like, the chain of, like, of poverty, like, the level of poverty you get into, not just fiscally, but then beyond that, where you get into, like, emotional, just having nothing.
00:55:41.360 Right, right, yeah.
00:55:42.520 Like, I would get my bike stolen, I'd run home crying, and I'd go, mom, they stole my bike.
00:55:46.080 She would go, eh, they need it.
00:55:47.460 Yeah.
00:55:47.640 They need it. 0.98
00:55:47.920 And I was like, what are you, crazy? 0.94
00:55:48.920 But now I kind of get it. 0.98
00:55:50.120 Right.
00:55:50.360 But I will say, as a white kid, growing up, like, the only white kid, in that neighborhood, you're the minority.
00:55:56.380 Right.
00:55:56.660 You go outside the neighborhood, you're back as a white priv. 0.97
00:55:59.660 Right.
00:55:59.960 You know, but in that neighborhood, you're the, and it feels bad.
00:56:02.280 Yeah. 0.99
00:56:02.440 Being the minority sucks. 1.00
00:56:03.900 Yeah. 1.00
00:56:04.180 It sucks. 1.00
00:56:04.480 Like, they can just go, hey, white boy, and you're like, ah, fuck. 1.00
00:56:06.760 Which is not even a negative thing. 1.00
00:56:08.440 It's just, I'm a boy who's white, but it still hurt.
00:56:11.200 Yeah.
00:56:11.380 Because I was different.
00:56:12.140 Because you were different. 0.99
00:56:12.680 Yeah, so I kind of, I don't want to say I relate to a lot of shit, but, you know, I get it. 0.97
00:56:17.620 Well, you've had that experience where, because that's the end, that's the end thing. 0.99
00:56:21.540 Right.
00:56:21.680 It's just the, I'm different.
00:56:24.220 There's an easy way to make me feel different.
00:56:26.520 Yeah.
00:56:26.920 You know, I'm not, yeah, and then all the rest of it piles on.
00:56:29.880 Exactly.
00:56:30.440 Like, there's more women on earth than men, but if one girl is at a party with 50 dudes, she's going to feel weird.
00:56:36.840 Yeah.
00:56:37.220 You know, so the minority is, it's fluid.
00:56:39.820 You know, we just talk about minorities and majority and all that, but it changes depending on your environment.
00:56:45.480 Yeah.
00:56:46.260 Yeah, it changes, man.
00:56:47.300 And I think, yeah, I feel like there's a lot, I feel like when I was growing up, there was probably a good bit of, and racism kind of felt both ways.
00:56:54.460 If you weren't a racist person, if you didn't really like, you know, there were some people who probably hated black people.
00:56:59.100 Yeah, sure.
00:56:59.640 You know, like real adamant about it.
00:57:01.060 Oh, yeah.
00:57:01.700 You know, adapted to like old, like kind of, you know, I don't want to say redneck type of stuff, because there's redneck people that aren't that way at all. 0.91
00:57:10.280 That's true.
00:57:11.000 But there was a lot of people who didn't. 0.99
00:57:12.920 And then if you interacted with black kids and they were mean, it gave you this, you're like, shit, well, what do I do? 0.99
00:57:17.800 Like, I don't want to have any ill will. 1.00
00:57:20.000 But there's also, these kids are mean to me.
00:57:22.580 Yes, yes.
00:57:23.700 And they probably didn't have anything else to do.
00:57:25.260 Like, if you think, everywhere you go, it's like everybody has something but you.
00:57:29.100 Right, exactly.
00:57:30.060 I can't imagine what that, you know.
00:57:31.580 I was hanging out with these two guys, Marnett and Tony.
00:57:34.660 They were like my two black friends.
00:57:35.960 And we were at the Black Mall, because I slept at their house, so we went to their mall and the whole thing.
00:57:40.000 And we're playing at the arcade in the mall.
00:57:42.160 And one of my friends was doing well at Street Fighter.
00:57:46.040 And I was like, yeah, get him, Tony.
00:57:47.540 Come on out.
00:57:48.180 And these two bigger black guys behind me, like Puberty Wilson and Testosterone Jones, were like, get him, Tony, get him, like doing the white voice. 0.80
00:57:57.500 And, oh, it crushed me.
00:57:59.700 I had to, like, go in the bathroom and be like, all right, take it easy.
00:58:02.860 That hurt.
00:58:04.140 You know, just go back out there.
00:58:05.680 Get back out there.
00:58:06.060 Yeah, my two friends were like, don't worry about those guys. 1.00
00:58:08.540 They're idiots. 1.00
00:58:09.100 They're mean. 1.00
00:58:09.460 I was like, yeah, yeah, because you're already the outsider.
00:58:12.160 And then you were doing the white voice, and they called me on it. 0.99
00:58:15.280 Whoa, it was fucking humiliating. 0.99
00:58:16.860 I turned beet red. 1.00
00:58:18.320 It was brutal.
00:58:19.520 It's hard being. 0.69
00:58:21.680 Hard being white, folks.
00:58:23.560 It ain't easy.
00:58:26.600 It's hard being so aware.
00:58:28.640 Yes, yes, exactly.
00:58:29.980 That's the thing sometimes that I hate the most about.
00:58:33.020 Ignorance is bliss.
00:58:33.360 And I attribute a lot of it to, you know, I think that's kind of what my alcoholism is sometimes, is just this heightened level of awareness and sensitivity.
00:58:40.860 Not just sensitive, but hypersensitive.
00:58:42.980 Yeah, and you want to shut it down.
00:58:44.300 Yeah, and I just want anything to, like, please, just something, make it so I just.
00:58:50.360 Don't care anymore.
00:58:51.400 Yes.
00:58:51.680 Or don't care as much.
00:58:52.660 Yeah, because you care at this intense level of every, constantly, that it's exhausted you.
00:58:59.300 Yes, yes. 0.87
00:59:00.400 And you have the couple drinks, you're like, ah, I can fucking enjoy myself for 10 minutes. 0.97
00:59:04.960 Yeah. 0.97
00:59:05.640 I'm with you.
00:59:06.160 Like, for so long, I heard recently, someone said, life's not happening to you, it's just, life is just happening.
00:59:13.320 Ooh.
00:59:14.280 And I'd always, I'd never realized this wind of the world that I'd always felt like was pushing against me.
00:59:20.980 Just this, like, life was happening to me.
00:59:22.980 Yeah.
00:59:24.120 Everything's, but life's just happening.
00:59:25.880 Right.
00:59:26.000 And I'm just here.
00:59:27.020 And so then, every now and then, that helps me feel a little different.
00:59:29.560 I like that.
00:59:30.260 Got a question that came in here.
00:59:32.460 Uh.
00:59:33.220 Oh, yeah.
00:59:33.720 Excuse me.
00:59:34.800 Hey, Mark.
00:59:35.320 Hey, Theo.
00:59:36.520 Mark, it was really good to see you come through Springfield, Missouri, right before Christmas when you played the Blue Room.
00:59:41.960 Hey, hey.
00:59:42.780 It was a great show.
00:59:44.280 My wife and I had a blast.
00:59:45.960 Thank you.
00:59:46.280 Hopefully, the people of Springfield were good to you.
00:59:48.640 Good eggs.
00:59:48.920 My question is to both of you.
00:59:50.200 I know you guys both live on the coast and big cities.
00:59:53.980 I was wondering if you've ever considered moving away from L.A. and New York to maybe set up routes in the Midwest or the South
01:00:00.580 to get away from that big city lifestyle.
01:00:03.540 Gang, gang.
01:00:04.260 Gang, bro.
01:00:05.260 Good question.
01:00:06.100 That is a good question.
01:00:06.860 What do you think?
01:00:07.280 I fantasize.
01:00:08.480 Well, you bought a place.
01:00:09.440 I know, like, you made money.
01:00:10.540 I mean, you started making money.
01:00:12.280 I was jealous of you when you got to open up for Amy Schumer because you were making some money.
01:00:15.300 Well, that was a sweet, sweet ride.
01:00:17.040 I mean, the Jets, and she would just hit that arena level. 0.92
01:00:19.440 So, I was making good money and getting treated well.
01:00:22.040 And things, I got, I was pure luck.
01:00:23.940 And what were you having, ice cream at night and everything?
01:00:25.760 Oh, dude.
01:00:26.420 And she's a big pot friend. 1.00
01:00:28.900 Yeah.
01:00:29.060 So, it was just like so much hotel room service. 0.99
01:00:32.500 And we had movies and big screen and the weed and the edibles and the anal and the fucking booze. 0.99
01:00:37.880 It was great. 0.99
01:00:38.840 Great time.
01:00:39.460 She gets a bad rap, but she's a giver. 0.99
01:00:42.080 Yeah.
01:00:42.440 Good egg, you know, good hang.
01:00:44.100 You know her.
01:00:44.760 Yeah.
01:00:45.260 You know, but I know people have a problem with her. 0.87
01:00:48.440 But, you know, they don't know her.
01:00:49.740 I know her.
01:00:50.280 She's cool.
01:00:51.380 Oh, well, I mean, I think, yeah, I think she, for me, I thought that, and I would talk about Amy,
01:00:56.200 you know, I talked to her on the phone maybe a couple weeks ago, but I felt like she was
01:01:01.440 starting to maybe want to even get more into politics, actually.
01:01:04.700 Ah, yes.
01:01:04.920 I had this vision.
01:01:05.580 I have no truth about this, but this is a perception that I had.
01:01:08.520 Right, right.
01:01:10.320 And whenever Hillary didn't win the election, I think she was going to not use that vibe, 1.00
01:01:16.060 but, you know, she was in that movement.
01:01:17.960 Yeah, totally.
01:01:18.080 Like, she was part of that, and she wanted probably to try and get into politics then, maybe.
01:01:21.920 I don't know.
01:01:22.620 Yeah, the politics is, I never touch it, because it just splits the room, and it's a bad idea.
01:01:27.280 And we're comics.
01:01:28.380 Right.
01:01:28.560 You look at Twitter now, all the comics are just going, like, we need to change this,
01:01:32.620 and this is, I'm an activist now, and this is that, and you're like, what happened to
01:01:35.180 Funny?
01:01:35.740 Yeah.
01:01:35.980 I mean, we are comics, aren't you?
01:01:37.000 You can have your opinion, but, like, let's make with the yuck-em-ups, Chuckles.
01:01:40.840 You know what I mean?
01:01:41.520 Yeah, I think that's my responsibility.
01:01:42.520 Yeah, that's our responsibility.
01:01:43.180 Oh, I forget about it in here sometimes. 0.93
01:01:44.520 I get so, like, worried about my own fucking, like, doldrums that sometimes I forget, though. 0.92
01:01:48.620 But I have to remind myself sometimes, dude, you can't fucking go in here every day. 0.97
01:01:52.160 Yeah, yeah. 0.98
01:01:53.280 You got puberty Wilsons coming out of you.
01:01:55.480 Yeah, there you go.
01:01:55.920 It's all in you.
01:01:56.740 Yeah, you can't help it.
01:01:57.960 But I felt like, yeah, but I've always thought that she's one of the funniest people off of
01:02:03.020 stage.
01:02:03.440 Yes, yes.
01:02:04.280 I mean, without even watching her comment, without even taking that into context.
01:02:06.580 Sure.
01:02:07.200 I mean, quick, quick at the table. 0.97
01:02:09.520 Like, she's running circles around, and you're like, damn, I got to step it up. 0.98
01:02:12.280 Yeah. 0.97
01:02:12.860 And especially, you're like, shoot, I thought that I was quick or something inside of me
01:02:16.660 could do this.
01:02:17.640 But when you meet her, it's like pre-Fontaine.
01:02:19.720 It's just like, wow, she's on some level that's a little beyond.
01:02:23.600 And cutting, too.
01:02:24.540 Like, she could say that thing where you're like, ooh, I didn't know you knew that. 1.00
01:02:27.220 Shit, you got me there. 1.00
01:02:28.320 Damn. 1.00
01:02:29.040 You know. 1.00
01:02:29.440 Yeah.
01:02:29.780 Fun stuff.
01:02:30.780 Yeah, like, yeah, just, I mean, I always say that she's, her, Donnell Rawlings, two of
01:02:36.980 the funniest people that I've ever been around.
01:02:37.980 Oh, really?
01:02:38.520 Donnell.
01:02:39.040 Interesting.
01:02:39.520 God, he just makes me laugh, man.
01:02:40.720 I mean, he's a killer act.
01:02:42.120 I've never really hung out with him.
01:02:43.260 He's just so, he's funny.
01:02:45.980 Yeah, yeah.
01:02:46.520 But, yeah, man, I was like, man, this guy's living it up, dude.
01:02:50.220 This guy's having ice cream at night.
01:02:51.700 This dude's doing it.
01:02:52.740 Yeah, I was doing it.
01:02:53.660 And plus, I was single then.
01:02:55.060 And, like, Tinder was kind of newish.
01:02:57.020 And so I had an arena of labias.
01:02:59.880 Oh, yeah.
01:03:00.320 Just like, and they can't bang her. 1.00
01:03:01.740 So I was getting the, you know, placenta runoff.
01:03:05.560 Oh.
01:03:05.940 And I was hitting clits like a speed bag. 1.00
01:03:08.380 Oh, yeah.
01:03:08.640 It was exciting.
01:03:09.560 Yeah.
01:03:10.040 Yeah, those were wild times.
01:03:11.620 Yeah. 0.99
01:03:11.980 And, you know, we're in the Four Seasons and shit, so. 0.99
01:03:13.780 Sugar Ray labia. 0.98
01:03:14.560 Yeah, dude, I think I caught up with, yeah, I remember a couple of places I caught up
01:03:17.700 with you guys at, I think.
01:03:18.600 That's right.
01:03:18.900 I don't remember where, but.
01:03:19.800 We did Mahalia Jackson, New Orleans, and we went to What's-Her-Face's house after.
01:03:23.960 Jennifer.
01:03:24.920 Coolidge.
01:03:25.400 Coolidge's house, yeah.
01:03:25.880 And you were newly sober.
01:03:27.260 And I remember being like, come on, Theo, this is New Year's, baby.
01:03:30.080 And you're like, I can't, fatty.
01:03:31.420 I'm sorry. 0.99
01:03:32.160 And I was like, damn, I lost Theo. 0.95
01:03:33.760 But it was for the best. 0.99
01:03:34.940 I get it.
01:03:35.960 Yeah, it was for something, man.
01:03:37.560 It was good.
01:03:38.580 See, that's the dangerous thing is the problem with booze and Xanax and Coke and all that is
01:03:43.620 it feels right, so you don't want to quit, but the best thing to do is quit.
01:03:47.620 Because you need it so bad that you've got to learn how to not need it.
01:03:51.920 You know, you've got to, it feels so good, so you're like, oh, drinking is what I should
01:03:55.620 be doing right now.
01:03:56.320 But that's exactly why you shouldn't be drinking.
01:03:57.840 You've got to learn how to overcome it without it.
01:03:59.580 Right, it's definitely a trick, yeah.
01:04:01.360 Yes, it's a trick.
01:04:02.400 It's a trick, man.
01:04:03.120 My therapist, I'm always like, just give me some Xanax. 0.99
01:04:05.500 Give me a fucking Valium or whatever, a prescription. 0.99
01:04:07.680 He's like, let's beat it. 1.00
01:04:08.840 Let's just try to beat the anxiety instead of just trying to, like, medicate it away.
01:04:13.200 Yeah, yeah.
01:04:13.880 Oh, sometimes I wish I had me a Xanax.
01:04:16.360 Oh, yeah. 0.96
01:04:17.380 You know, I remember the first time a guy gave me a Soma, this homosexual guy. 1.00
01:04:20.820 Oh, I love a Soma. 1.00
01:04:21.780 Gave me a Soma, man. 0.89
01:04:23.040 This guy, Billy Conforto, an RIP, passed away.
01:04:25.640 He was from Laplace.
01:04:27.040 Oh, I know the type. 0.90
01:04:28.240 And he was homosexual, but also a prize fighter. 0.83
01:04:31.280 What? 0.95
01:04:31.860 Yeah, very rare.
01:04:33.460 He could have been your babysitter, dude.
01:04:34.660 Who knows?
01:04:35.200 Black guy? 0.91
01:04:36.240 No, whitish. 0.94
01:04:37.120 Oh, okay.
01:04:37.500 White enough. 0.96
01:04:38.440 All right, all right.
01:04:39.140 A white prize fighter is always fun.
01:04:40.780 That's one for the home team.
01:04:42.180 But he gave me a Soma, dude.
01:04:43.520 And a half hour later, I just turned to my car. 0.83
01:04:45.980 I was on a highway and just took a straight up fucking right turn off of it. 0.90
01:04:50.260 We're lucky we're alive sometimes. 0.98
01:04:52.020 That Louisiana living was heavy.
01:04:54.140 It is heavy.
01:04:54.700 There's a lot of ways to die because there's boats.
01:04:56.160 People are like, oh, yeah.
01:04:57.220 Yeah, that's right. 1.00
01:04:57.560 Hey, we're all fucked up. 0.99
01:04:58.420 Let's get in this boat. 0.99
01:04:59.220 Yeah, that's right.
01:05:00.020 It's surrounded by water and gators and death.
01:05:02.920 Yeah, ghosts.
01:05:03.840 The voodoo out there. 1.00
01:05:05.100 It's no joke.
01:05:05.800 We had a kid, this boy Andy, and he ghosts were chasing him or something.
01:05:10.460 He was dealing with him, and he ended up taking his own life.
01:05:12.360 There you go.
01:05:13.140 There you go.
01:05:13.400 I had a bunch of friends die of heroin, a bunch of friends die of methadone growing up,
01:05:17.480 a bunch of drunk driving.
01:05:18.480 Some of the best heroin recipes you've ever had in your life.
01:05:21.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
01:05:22.740 Mwah.
01:05:24.160 He put some hot sausage in that heroin.
01:05:27.200 Yeah, dude.
01:05:27.660 It's heavy. 1.00
01:05:28.620 Dude, put a little fucking Tony Shastry in that needle, baby. 1.00
01:05:32.880 You feel me? 1.00
01:05:33.600 A little old bae. 1.00
01:05:34.780 Yeah, yeah, dude. 0.99
01:05:35.940 Damn, dude, you can't get that leaf in there. 0.99
01:05:38.420 The basil leaf? 1.00
01:05:39.400 Yeah, that basil leaf.
01:05:39.840 No, the bay leaf.
01:05:40.600 The bay leaf, yeah.
01:05:41.480 Wow, yeah.
01:05:42.840 I just went down back home to see my folks, and boy, I really ate it up.
01:05:47.240 Did you?
01:05:47.780 Oh, yeah.
01:05:48.400 Are they really proud of you now?
01:05:49.720 They must really have a lot of pride.
01:05:51.600 You know what's weird is they don't really say much, but then I talk to, like, I'll meet
01:05:55.180 one of their friends.
01:05:55.900 They're like, your mom never shuts up about you.
01:05:57.440 I'm like, really?
01:05:58.000 I wish you'd tell me.
01:05:58.940 Wow.
01:05:59.100 You know, but I'll take it.
01:06:00.340 I'll take it.
01:06:00.920 Yeah.
01:06:01.520 But I think we're just, we're a cold people, the Normans.
01:06:05.620 Yeah?
01:06:05.980 I try to break through.
01:06:07.160 I'm a touchy-feely douche, but they're, it's very, they're military.
01:06:12.640 They're like, you know, stiff upper lip, kind of.
01:06:15.280 Wow.
01:06:15.800 Yeah, my dad, this idea of a hug, they'll just give you a tap on the shoulder, and you're 0.99
01:06:20.120 like, oh, shit, dang, dad, wow. 0.98
01:06:21.860 What is it, my birthday? 1.00
01:06:23.100 You know?
01:06:23.840 But it's not a lot of connecting.
01:06:27.500 Yeah.
01:06:28.820 Yeah, that connection, man, that's wild.
01:06:30.900 Yeah, I'm learning that.
01:06:31.660 That's all new.
01:06:32.240 I'm 36, so I'm gonna die soon.
01:06:34.200 So I'm trying to, like, do it myself and push it on him. 0.99
01:06:37.520 And are you having sex and stuff now, or what are you doing? 0.99
01:06:39.800 I got a hot lady. 1.00
01:06:40.980 Oh, you do?
01:06:41.380 Oh, yeah, I got a hot lady at the house in New York, and. 1.00
01:06:45.640 Yeah, she's, she's like a normal person.
01:06:48.220 I mean, she's got, everybody's got problems, but she's, like, she met my parents, and she's
01:06:52.380 like, whew, that was tough.
01:06:54.080 Like, you meet my parents, you feel like you're bombing, you know?
01:06:56.920 They're tough.
01:06:57.660 Like, you'll just say a whole thing, and they'll go, like, they won't respond.
01:07:01.740 Yeah.
01:07:01.940 I talked to Dr. Drew about it.
01:07:03.280 He said my mom has still face, which is this, like, thing that moms have that makes babies 1.00
01:07:07.940 cry and shit, because they're not giving you any reaction, which is why I do stand-up, 0.99
01:07:11.640 but I need a reaction. 0.99
01:07:12.440 Yeah, I need something, yeah.
01:07:14.080 Something.
01:07:14.400 I just need some, some, I need to know that things are okay.
01:07:17.880 Yes, yes, and with them, you have no idea where you're at.
01:07:21.220 Are you mad?
01:07:21.860 Am I mad?
01:07:22.500 What's going on?
01:07:23.200 Do you hate me?
01:07:23.660 Am I adopted?
01:07:24.340 Where are we?
01:07:24.840 Yeah.
01:07:25.440 So, uh.
01:07:26.600 Wow, that's interesting, man.
01:07:27.860 As a kid, there you go.
01:07:28.300 It's interesting, because that's some of the stuff that leads us to, just to our behavior
01:07:31.200 and what we do, you know?
01:07:32.360 Yeah.
01:07:32.540 And this is the beautiful lady right there. 0.99
01:07:33.900 There she is, yeah.
01:07:34.860 What's her name?
01:07:35.400 Diamond?
01:07:36.620 Where'd you get that?
01:07:37.460 I was guesstimated up.
01:07:39.460 She's Diamond.
01:07:41.360 Diamond LaRue.
01:07:42.300 Well, she's a real diamond, though.
01:07:43.320 Yeah, and Diamond in the Rough.
01:07:44.960 Oh, that's awesome, man.
01:07:46.160 Good egg, Cape Cod lady. 1.00
01:07:48.480 She's from the New England area.
01:07:49.920 So they're well off, huh?
01:07:50.800 She well off?
01:07:51.380 Not really, you'd think.
01:07:52.640 Right.
01:07:53.160 More cod than Cape, huh?
01:07:54.580 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:07:55.840 A lot of cod.
01:07:56.540 Oh, I hate to interrupt you guys.
01:07:59.600 It's the only ad in this episode.
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01:09:20.580 It can be scheduling, shipping.
01:09:23.280 It can be, well, I have these different drivers who are working for my transport company.
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01:09:52.440 And now back to the episode.
01:09:54.940 Let's get another question that came in, man.
01:09:57.200 All right.
01:09:58.240 Wait, let me get this before we do it.
01:09:59.560 What do you think, how do you think it plays out with Ari, with everything that's happened?
01:10:06.540 Because last night it said on that article that people, they didn't have the show because
01:10:10.360 they were afraid people called into the comedy club.
01:10:13.320 I heard.
01:10:13.600 I heard they had to shut the show down.
01:10:15.060 And a lot of those calls, dude, look, I've made calls like that.
01:10:17.700 That's nothing.
01:10:18.200 That's not what he's really going to show up.
01:10:19.540 Yeah, I actually called the club.
01:10:22.000 But yeah, we don't live in a show up world anymore.
01:10:24.180 We definitely live in a phone call world.
01:10:25.840 This is all going to go.
01:10:27.020 I mean, it's a it's a hot thing for this week.
01:10:29.080 And by Monday, we won't even think about it.
01:10:31.180 Agreed.
01:10:31.700 Yeah.
01:10:32.460 Agreed.
01:10:32.840 But do you so what do you think?
01:10:33.800 How do you think he comes through?
01:10:34.700 I know he put up a really nice message.
01:10:36.240 I mean, his message was it was real true to who he was, even at the end where he says, 1.00
01:10:40.140 fuck the Lakers. 0.99
01:10:41.020 You know, did you read this? 1.00
01:10:42.000 Yeah, I did.
01:10:42.520 I liked it.
01:10:43.060 I mean, obviously, his publicist or manager made him do it because I know Ari and he's not this
01:10:47.460 guy.
01:10:47.780 But he's kind of made it his own and all that.
01:10:51.540 Like when Shane Gillis had to put one of these out, we all made fun of him because it was
01:10:54.440 so publicist, you know, like it didn't have him in it at all.
01:10:57.840 Yeah.
01:10:58.180 And like he told us what he wanted to say and it was way funnier. 1.00
01:11:01.080 But yeah, you got to do this shit, I guess. 0.99
01:11:03.720 You know, we're trying to have careers, but I think it'll ultimately help him. 1.00
01:11:05.980 It just seals, cements his brand.
01:11:08.340 Right. 0.91
01:11:08.660 You are that villain. 0.99
01:11:09.760 You are that rabble rouser. 0.99
01:11:11.660 Yeah.
01:11:12.080 You know, and there's and and you it's OK to have that.
01:11:15.400 Like, that's the thing.
01:11:16.280 It's like I just want I'm trying to think of a person that I could compare him to in
01:11:20.660 the past.
01:11:21.200 It's not like an Alfred Hitchcock, but like, you know, someone who's just like mischievous,
01:11:26.460 like a Dennis the Menace.
01:11:27.620 He's almost like a Bart Simpson.
01:11:29.040 You know, like he's he's agitating. 1.00
01:11:30.740 He's poking you and shit. 0.98
01:11:31.900 And you're like, all right. 0.99
01:11:32.660 All right.
01:11:33.140 But that's just who he is.
01:11:34.320 That's his stick.
01:11:35.180 Yeah.
01:11:35.420 You know, it's and it works for him.
01:11:37.260 He sells out and I hang out with Ari.
01:11:39.320 We walk down the street.
01:11:39.960 We go, Ari.
01:11:40.860 Yeah.
01:11:41.200 People people like him.
01:11:42.200 People love him.
01:11:42.800 He's been on here and any any and people really, really enjoyed it.
01:11:46.020 I mean, that's the thing.
01:11:47.060 He's yeah.
01:11:48.660 It's just who he is.
01:11:49.540 It just kind of fell. 1.00
01:11:50.460 It just was a really it's just like almost like the Andrea Gale of bad shit. 0.99
01:11:54.800 Right. 1.00
01:11:55.400 Right.
01:11:55.740 Of bad moments.
01:11:57.200 Yes.
01:11:57.740 At once. 0.97
01:11:58.160 You know, we got weird priorities like Chris Brown beat the shit out of a lady and he's got 0.98
01:12:02.980 a documentary out and people think he's hot and sexy. 0.99
01:12:06.180 And then Ari made a joke and he's evil.
01:12:08.620 Yeah.
01:12:08.800 Like, I think Chris Brown is worse than Ari. 1.00
01:12:11.080 But Chris Brown's doing the moonwalk somewhere.
01:12:14.020 Right.
01:12:14.380 You know, so we got weird.
01:12:16.520 We're all whacked out.
01:12:18.100 Well, TM also in you.
01:12:19.380 I mean, some of this, I think TMZ uses a lot.
01:12:21.800 I mean, it's definitely turned into more of like a world star hip hop kind of.
01:12:24.680 Yes.
01:12:24.920 It's gotten a lot more of like scandal.
01:12:27.460 Yeah.
01:12:27.760 And more, you know, urban, black, American, whatever you want to say.
01:12:31.020 I think so.
01:12:31.760 Oh, really?
01:12:32.120 I think a lot of their stuff is these days.
01:12:34.440 And some of that, I'm like, are these, is this, is TMZ just like using the black, like
01:12:40.280 is it creating this other, this cycle of like behavior sometimes or contributing to a cycle
01:12:46.240 of behavior or influencing a cycle of behavior? 0.96
01:12:49.180 You know, it's like, not like I don't buy a lot of cultural appropriation shit, but I 0.96
01:12:52.580 do sometimes, like I got, sometimes that show Catfish, I just feel like it takes advantage 0.99
01:12:57.340 of black people that don't know how to use the internet.
01:12:59.180 Oh, interesting. 0.98
01:13:00.380 I never thought about that.
01:13:01.340 Or like kind of monopolize, you know?
01:13:02.860 Yeah, yeah.
01:13:03.140 I don't know what the wording is, but like.
01:13:04.720 Well, I just feel like TV and showbiz, they just go where the money's at.
01:13:08.580 They go where the bread is buttered.
01:13:09.820 So if that's the way it goes, like McDonald's for some reason went straight black people in 0.86
01:13:13.780 the commercial.
01:13:14.380 You know, it used to be like, McDonald's, get a McFish. 0.97
01:13:16.400 And it was like some fat white guy. 0.97
01:13:17.500 Yeah, there's a white manager. 0.99
01:13:18.640 Yeah, yeah.
01:13:19.380 And now it's like, hey, puberty, get in here.
01:13:23.020 Yeah, you don't want the McRib back or not.
01:13:25.580 Right, right.
01:13:26.540 That hot apple pie is ready for you there, Quincy. 0.99
01:13:31.160 But yeah, I feel like you just kind of go, oh, that's who's buying the fucking McDoubles? 0.98
01:13:35.360 Let's do that. 0.99
01:13:36.640 So I don't know.
01:13:37.280 I don't know about the taking advantage of.
01:13:38.920 Maybe.
01:13:39.260 I never thought that before.
01:13:40.320 Maybe that's just some weird thing that it's probably some weird hang up that I have,
01:13:43.800 you know, that might not even be true.
01:13:45.100 But you're right, though.
01:13:45.780 Sometimes I think that Hollywood, like, leads us in a direction.
01:13:49.980 But the more I learn, Hollywood just follows where the money is.
01:13:52.600 Yes, they're clueless.
01:13:53.780 They don't know what, I mean, think about all the funny comedians, you know, who aren't
01:13:56.100 doing that great.
01:13:57.100 Yeah. 0.97
01:13:57.480 Because we got to have this hot guy du jour or whatever the fuck, you know, this guy's 0.98
01:14:01.900 and they're selling tickets, so they don't care. 0.99
01:14:04.200 They're not, they pretend to like Pryor and Carlin, but they don't give a shit. 0.99
01:14:07.180 Right. 0.98
01:14:07.400 They just worry, you know, they're just worried about who's making money.
01:14:09.680 And that's their job.
01:14:10.660 They're wearing suits.
01:14:11.360 They're finance guys who say, hey, I like Ali Wong.
01:14:14.040 They just know the right thing.
01:14:15.000 I love Carmichael.
01:14:16.080 He's the coolest.
01:14:17.360 But they don't know.
01:14:18.120 Yeah, yeah, yeah, they don't know.
01:14:20.120 Yeah, it's, it's, it's, because sometimes I give them this bigger power a lot of times.
01:14:24.380 Right, same, same.
01:14:25.040 I look at them as, please accept me.
01:14:26.840 Yes.
01:14:26.940 Please give me a show.
01:14:28.060 I love you.
01:14:28.720 You're my dad, you know.
01:14:30.320 Which is crazy, because that's kind of one of the side, one of the side effects of coming
01:14:33.420 out of like, you know, the type of childhood you come out of and stuff to be a comedian,
01:14:37.900 is that then whenever you get to a place and somebody's offering, you said, you, you're
01:14:42.320 so, please accept me.
01:14:44.340 Yes.
01:14:44.860 And that like kind of goes over into the business sense sometimes.
01:14:48.200 Yeah, completely.
01:14:48.540 It can really cost you, yeah, it can cost you ownership of things.
01:14:52.360 And, you know, it can really kind of have you selling out before you even know what's
01:14:55.400 going on.
01:14:55.900 Exactly.
01:14:55.980 Because you just want so badly to be accepted.
01:14:58.700 Because think about it.
01:14:59.400 Look at all, at first it's like, you do it a couple open mics.
01:15:02.280 Some guy goes, do my show.
01:15:03.220 Oh God, he accepts me.
01:15:04.360 Then you get Montreal.
01:15:05.280 I got Montreal.
01:15:06.160 It's not even about Montreal.
01:15:07.480 You just want to be, you want to be invited to the party, but you don't actually want
01:15:10.220 to go.
01:15:10.680 You just want the invite.
01:15:11.500 Yeah.
01:15:11.860 You know, and that's the whole show bit.
01:15:13.260 I got a special.
01:15:14.280 Me out of everybody.
01:15:15.160 I got one.
01:15:15.880 You know, it's just me, me, me.
01:15:17.120 I feel better.
01:15:17.860 I'm accepted.
01:15:18.440 I'm in the club.
01:15:19.360 Yeah, I'm okay.
01:15:20.140 I'm okay.
01:15:21.280 But the real okay is guys like Schultz who go, blow me, industry.
01:15:25.600 I'm doing this on the gram.
01:15:27.740 Yeah.
01:15:27.960 And if you go into any, you know, pitch meeting and go, I got this guy, Fashion, who
01:15:33.340 does this right by the camera, they're going to go, now how's that going to make any money?
01:15:36.960 What's the hook?
01:15:37.980 We need more diversity.
01:15:39.100 What are you doing? 1.00
01:15:39.660 And he's going to be like, ah, fuck it. 1.00
01:15:40.820 I'll do it on my own. 1.00
01:15:41.540 And people love it.
01:15:42.320 Yeah.
01:15:42.540 So that's the thing.
01:15:43.340 They don't know, but we act like they know.
01:15:45.000 They have no idea.
01:15:46.000 We're the ones with talent.
01:15:47.080 Right. 0.99
01:15:47.460 They stink.
01:15:48.240 Yeah, we forget that sometimes. 0.65
01:15:49.600 Yeah.
01:15:49.920 They got nothing.
01:15:50.760 They just go where the heat is.
01:15:51.880 Yeah.
01:15:52.760 Yeah.
01:15:53.120 It's interesting, man.
01:15:53.760 I like hearing that, dude.
01:15:54.700 Let's get a question that came in right here that Nick's got.
01:15:57.640 Before we get to the question, I saw this was interesting.
01:15:59.900 We've talked about Dog the Bounty Hunter a couple times on this show.
01:16:02.860 He recently got engaged to one of Best Friends, or he proposed.
01:16:09.300 Yikes.
01:16:10.340 I didn't see it.
01:16:10.980 Can we play the video?
01:16:11.920 Yeah.
01:16:13.540 I heard about this.
01:16:14.640 He just followed me the other day on Instagram.
01:16:16.600 Oh, that's exciting.
01:16:17.540 I'm so excited, actually.
01:16:18.800 Everybody tweet Dog and tell him we want him on this past week.
01:16:21.120 Yes.
01:16:21.560 Yeah, tweet him and Instagram him.
01:16:23.320 Send him messages.
01:16:24.520 That would be huge.
01:16:25.760 I would love to have him, man.
01:16:27.480 Oh, yeah.
01:16:28.480 I can really relate to him in a lot of ways.
01:16:29.920 He feels like a genuine dude.
01:16:32.680 I am a lot happier with her around.
01:16:37.160 I have lots of enemies right now.
01:16:40.060 Uh-oh.
01:16:42.560 Moon Angel, will you marry me?
01:16:44.660 Oh, that's good TV.
01:16:47.000 The couple who saved an 11-year-old girl.
01:16:49.720 That's what girls are next. 1.00
01:16:50.500 Oh, I know that guy works at the gas station by my house.
01:16:53.460 I'm not even joking.
01:16:54.060 That second guy saved an 11-year-old girl.
01:16:55.720 Yeah.
01:16:56.020 What?
01:16:56.220 He looks like DJ Khaled, dude.
01:16:57.700 But he's also...
01:16:58.720 And another one.
01:16:59.380 Go back a little more, Nick.
01:17:01.420 Right there.
01:17:01.940 Oh, yeah.
01:17:02.320 He does.
01:17:03.060 He looks like a bad shob. 1.00
01:17:04.660 Yeah, he does, dude.
01:17:05.920 Yeah.
01:17:06.060 Job, job, job.
01:17:07.440 Yeah, dude.
01:17:08.440 He looks like he...
01:17:09.060 Yeah.
01:17:09.620 He looks like DJ needs a salad.
01:17:11.200 That's who he looks like.
01:17:12.780 I'm sorry.
01:17:13.520 That's pretty mean, dude.
01:17:14.380 And he could be a nice guy.
01:17:15.440 But it says in the article they had been dating for weeks, and it was pissing off the daughters.
01:17:19.580 But at the end, it says he never actually gave her the ring.
01:17:23.060 And evidently, there is no engagement.
01:17:25.020 But it's still a little messy situation.
01:17:26.880 There she is.
01:17:27.520 And there in the wedding photo with Beth, you can see she's the number two.
01:17:31.600 Number two.
01:17:32.440 The best bride.
01:17:34.560 What did he say?
01:17:34.860 Best maid.
01:17:35.440 Maybe it's just like...
01:17:36.680 Made of honor.
01:17:37.060 He needs some help, you know?
01:17:39.480 I got a mourning my wife here, and this is the closest thing.
01:17:42.260 And maybe it's just like a psychological move.
01:17:44.400 He really loved that woman.
01:17:45.560 I mean, he must really be in love to be working with someone, have grenades.
01:17:50.500 I mean, they had grenades.
01:17:51.620 They had everything.
01:17:52.440 Yeah.
01:17:52.600 And just constantly working with somebody.
01:17:54.380 I mean, that was his life partner right there.
01:17:55.940 And working in, like, tense, like, boot camp environment.
01:17:58.940 You got people in a headlock, and she's holding their legs, and he's kicking. 0.98
01:18:01.800 Like, that'll really bond to a couple of weirdos.
01:18:04.340 Yeah.
01:18:04.960 And he's sober, I think, too.
01:18:06.260 I think he does a lot of recovery stuff.
01:18:08.120 Oh, yeah.
01:18:08.660 He does a lot of stuff, like, supporting the military.
01:18:13.060 Yeah, he seems like a good egg.
01:18:14.540 Yeah.
01:18:15.280 Man, I could imagine.
01:18:17.460 Look, especially if you're getting older, you, like, sometimes you have a wife, you have
01:18:21.260 a girlfriend, and there's somebody else that you care about.
01:18:23.260 Sure, sure.
01:18:23.940 That kind of stuff never, it may dissipate because, obviously, you have to focus on your
01:18:28.720 marriage and stuff.
01:18:29.900 Yeah.
01:18:30.240 Maybe he just cared about this lady for a long time and wanted to go.
01:18:33.400 And I'm sure he needs somebody right now, and he probably doesn't know a lot of people.
01:18:36.880 He's an odd dude.
01:18:38.100 So I'm sure he's got, like, a community he kind of hangs with.
01:18:41.180 So, boom, I'll just go to the next lady. 1.00
01:18:42.880 I'm not saying it's right.
01:18:43.800 I'm just saying it happens.
01:18:45.220 I mean, it makes perfect sense.
01:18:46.640 Yes, yes.
01:18:47.600 If she's friends with Beth, then she's probably got similar personality.
01:18:51.200 He feels some comfort in her.
01:18:52.520 Yeah.
01:18:52.740 Well said.
01:18:54.320 Man, I, yeah, I don't know, it'd be nice to have him on.
01:18:58.880 That'd be great.
01:18:58.960 I can't imagine losing, like, your spouse.
01:19:02.980 But then I think some guys, they lose, they luckily lose their wife, and they're like,
01:19:06.100 oh, hell yeah, dude.
01:19:06.860 Oh, sure, sure, sure.
01:19:08.020 Well, how did I luck out?
01:19:09.520 Yeah, well, there's also guys who go too far, and they go, eh, I'll just throw a little laugh,
01:19:14.000 what do you call that stuff?
01:19:15.600 Arsenic?
01:19:16.120 Not arsenic.
01:19:16.640 Oleander?
01:19:17.660 Antifreeze.
01:19:18.100 Ooh.
01:19:18.560 A little antifreeze in the oatmeal.
01:19:20.940 To freeze Annie. 0.74
01:19:21.920 Yeah.
01:19:22.680 Annie will be ice cold in a minute. 1.00
01:19:25.860 What else we got, Nick?
01:19:27.680 Oh! 0.60
01:19:28.000 Oh, here's me. 1.00
01:19:29.460 That looks like you and Joe List fucked. 1.00
01:19:31.280 Oh, damn, dude. 1.00
01:19:32.340 Yeah. 1.00
01:19:32.740 Looks like me and Mike Kaplan, too.
01:19:34.360 Yeah.
01:19:35.020 Yeah.
01:19:37.420 Hey, guys.
01:19:38.500 This question's for Mark.
01:19:39.720 Mark, I always see on Instagram you riding around on that moped of yours through the streets
01:19:45.140 of New York.
01:19:45.620 I was wondering if, uh, are you known as, like, the moped master?
01:19:49.300 Do you have any good stories to share?
01:19:51.540 Gang gang.
01:19:52.260 Gang, bro.
01:19:52.380 You gotta pull up a pic of that there, Nick.
01:19:53.980 It's on my Insta.
01:19:54.820 Bring up that pic, yeah. 0.89
01:19:55.700 You gotta see this hog of mine. 1.00
01:19:57.140 It's a fucking beauty. 1.00
01:19:58.700 Oh, no, she's nice. 1.00
01:19:59.780 Oh, that's all right.
01:20:00.740 It's just his girlfriend again. 1.00
01:20:01.900 She's a pig. 1.00
01:20:02.920 Hold on. 1.00
01:20:03.500 Where's, there it is.
01:20:04.200 Look at that thing. 0.92
01:20:05.000 Come on.
01:20:05.360 You ride through New York on that?
01:20:06.520 Yeah.
01:20:07.320 That thing's badass. 1.00
01:20:08.440 It's 86 miles to the gallon.
01:20:10.700 It's light.
01:20:11.580 It's easy.
01:20:12.260 It goes about 33 miles an hour top speed.
01:20:14.680 I'm in the bike lane.
01:20:15.960 I'm in the regular lane.
01:20:16.860 I'm all over the road in that thing.
01:20:17.980 I get in spot to spot.
01:20:19.200 That's legal?
01:20:20.120 Oh, yeah.
01:20:20.700 I mean, I got it towed once, and I had to register it and all that, and I gotta buy a helmet.
01:20:24.180 Oh, yeah.
01:20:24.580 But, uh, it's a, it's a real fun piece.
01:20:28.080 Huh.
01:20:28.540 That was a fun little journey when I got towed.
01:20:30.480 You would listen?
01:20:31.300 I, I, I, I, yeah, and your story.
01:20:33.140 Yeah, yeah.
01:20:33.520 So he documented going to get it and stuff.
01:20:35.600 Dude, that's beautiful, man.
01:20:37.160 Probably cost about half the bike cost, and it took me, like, a week and a half, but I got it
01:20:40.780 out.
01:20:40.980 And what are the cons of having that in New York City?
01:20:43.400 A lot of cons.
01:20:44.480 That's the thing.
01:20:45.840 A, you gotta lock it up, and, uh, people wanna steal it.
01:20:49.740 People wanna, my neighbors hate it, because it's on the sidewalk, and I gotta cover on
01:20:53.200 it, and they're like, it's so ugly.
01:20:54.220 So they're giving me dirty looks. 0.99
01:20:55.560 The winter, you can't ride it, so you just gotta sit there and get snowed on and shit. 0.98
01:21:00.300 Uh, it doesn't start all, it sometimes just doesn't start, you know? 0.92
01:21:03.620 So there's all kinds of problems with it, but.
01:21:05.400 And it's a Garelli, huh?
01:21:06.480 Oh, yeah, 1986 Garelli.
01:21:08.680 I have Italian guys taught me going, I had one of those when I was a kid, oh, my wife's 1.00
01:21:13.660 a cunt, she can't cook, and all this shit. 1.00
01:21:15.700 And I'm like, hey, thank you, Dago. 1.00
01:21:17.840 But, uh, I get a lot of that.
01:21:19.840 So that's a, it's a rare bike, apparently.
01:21:21.700 I got it on Craigslist, and I just happened to find a fun one.
01:21:24.020 God, man, yeah, it looks so amazing.
01:21:26.180 Now, out here, do you think it would be better to have?
01:21:28.420 Maybe, but this is so sprawling.
01:21:29.960 I can't get on the 405 with that chooch. 1.00
01:21:32.340 That would be terrifying.
01:21:33.720 It'd be epic if you did as well.
01:21:35.560 Yeah, I'd pull a Dean Del Rey and flip over a car hood.
01:21:38.980 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:21:40.160 That'd be beautiful.
01:21:41.060 Have you been in some pretty bad accidents?
01:21:43.100 Not one yet, not one.
01:21:45.360 So, not gone with.
01:21:47.460 Do you see, uh, when you think about, um, when you think about, like, doing, like, another
01:21:54.220 special or something.
01:21:55.380 I just shot one last night.
01:21:56.640 You did? 0.97
01:21:57.400 Yeah.
01:21:58.020 We'll see.
01:21:58.580 I mean, I just did it on my own, because nobody would buy it.
01:22:01.520 Oh, awesome.
01:22:02.040 So we'll see what happens.
01:22:02.860 And are you thinking, so, I guess you'll try and sell it, and then if not, maybe you'll
01:22:05.700 put the clips out?
01:22:06.600 Exactly.
01:22:07.040 Yeah, that's awesome.
01:22:07.980 That's where we're at now.
01:22:08.940 Yeah.
01:22:09.060 I've been doing the hour for a while now, and it's getting embarrassing.
01:22:11.920 You know, you go back to San Francisco, they're like, we saw this last year.
01:22:14.260 Yeah. 0.97
01:22:14.560 So I'm like, I gotta drop it and write new shit, but nobody wants it, and I kept waiting 1.00
01:22:18.200 for someone to buy it, but nobody would give me an offer, so I said, fuck, we'll shoot 1.00
01:22:20.940 it. 1.00
01:22:21.180 That's crazy.
01:22:22.320 Yeah.
01:22:22.800 Yeah, well, it's a weird times, you know?
01:22:24.320 Yeah.
01:22:24.760 Where'd you do it?
01:22:25.720 Dynasty Typewriter.
01:22:26.540 We sold out two shows. 1.00
01:22:27.720 We said, fuck it. 1.00
01:22:28.760 It's a theater. 1.00
01:22:29.520 It'll look good.
01:22:30.160 Sandler did his there.
01:22:31.260 Oh, wow.
01:22:31.860 Yeah, so we did it.
01:22:33.260 And that's a new club that's downtown Los Angeles, right?
01:22:35.580 Yeah, yeah, right over there.
01:22:36.400 Jamie Pham's Club.
01:22:37.500 Yes.
01:22:38.020 Yeah.
01:22:38.260 And the Hayworth is the name of the theater, and really cool, really sweet, cute little
01:22:42.900 theater, and it went great.
01:22:44.260 We got two shows out of it, and it's in the can right now.
01:22:48.020 I gotta edit it.
01:22:49.100 Oh, here we go.
01:22:50.320 Here's the guy right here.
01:22:51.420 Hey, what's up, Theo?
01:22:53.700 What's up, Mark?
01:22:54.700 My name's Nick.
01:22:55.600 I'm coming at you from Aurora, Illinois, the snowy Midwest here.
01:22:59.840 It's really freezing right now.
01:23:01.320 But I had a question for the both of you, actually.
01:23:04.020 Theo, you talk a lot about, on your show, and you have a lot of listeners call in about
01:23:08.400 anxiety and how to deal with it and stuff.
01:23:12.020 And my question for both of you was, how do you guys deal with the anxieties that you
01:23:17.640 may or may not have, but continue to still do your work and kill it?
01:23:22.960 Mark, I've seen you perform here in Chicago, and you're amazing.
01:23:27.260 I watch all your guys' YouTube videos, and I'm a huge fan.
01:23:31.980 And so I'm just curious how you guys can keep it consistent and still continue to do so well
01:23:36.940 in your field.
01:23:37.940 I don't want to be a comedian myself, but how do I apply that to what I want to do and
01:23:43.220 who I want to be?
01:23:44.140 So that's my question.
01:23:45.300 Hope you guys have a great day.
01:23:46.480 Gang, gang.
01:23:46.980 Gang, bro.
01:23:47.900 What a sweet message, huh?
01:23:49.380 Sexy hair.
01:23:50.220 I wish I had those locks.
01:23:51.660 I mean, he's doing fine, if you ask me.
01:23:53.340 Yeah, dude.
01:23:53.780 He looks like Thor or something.
01:23:55.240 I'd have bang anxiety if I had that, dude.
01:23:57.120 Who am I going to bang?
01:23:58.460 Yeah, he's got a reverse widows, too.
01:24:00.360 Look at that thing. 0.92
01:24:00.820 It's going the other way.
01:24:01.780 Oh, beautiful, man.
01:24:02.920 Great-looking eyeballs and a sexy Lorenzo Lom here.
01:24:06.760 Oh, that guy, undeniably better looking than half of the women that I've dated.
01:24:11.520 Yeah, no doubt about it.
01:24:13.280 Those eyebrows.
01:24:14.360 I want to sleep on them. 1.00
01:24:15.560 Dude, I want a fucking knight in Casablanca, huh? 1.00
01:24:18.440 Oh, yeah. 1.00
01:24:19.600 Oh.
01:24:20.140 He's hot.
01:24:21.140 My God, dude.
01:24:22.440 Any more information about this guy, Nick?
01:24:24.260 I know.
01:24:25.080 Yeah, send me his address. 0.99
01:24:26.760 God, I want to condition this guy's hair with my fucking body sweat. 0.99
01:24:30.100 I know. 1.00
01:24:31.000 I want Superman on top of me. 1.00
01:24:33.080 Dude, I want a fucking man. 1.00
01:24:34.880 I just want to lay in his arms and say, Clark can't, you know? 1.00
01:24:38.320 Help me, daddy.
01:24:39.280 Ooh, Clark can.
01:24:40.460 Yeah, yeah.
01:24:41.720 Okay, this has gotten out of hand.
01:24:42.640 All right, sorry, sorry, sorry.
01:24:44.480 It's a good question, man, about anxiety.
01:24:47.260 Yeah, yeah, it's tough.
01:24:48.720 But I go the other way, because he's like, how do you do it with anxiety?
01:24:52.460 I think you got to, the more you do, the less anxiety you have.
01:24:56.660 Yeah.
01:24:56.860 So, if you get over that hump of fear and doubt, then the anxiety kind of goes away.
01:25:02.960 Like, I get scared to do stand-up, but that's why I do it.
01:25:05.500 Right.
01:25:05.900 And then you get up there, and it goes away.
01:25:07.860 So, once you just do it, if you think about it, oh, how am I going to do it?
01:25:10.620 How's it going to go?
01:25:11.220 That's when the anxiety kicks in. 1.00
01:25:12.560 Just do the fucking thing. 1.00
01:25:13.840 Go do the open mic. 1.00
01:25:14.620 Go ask the girl out. 1.00
01:25:15.800 Go do whatever.
01:25:17.040 Oh, it's so true.
01:25:17.940 And then the interesting thing for me is, even hearing you talk about that, that anxiety
01:25:21.880 of not, when I don't do something, and I just have the anxiety, then it turns into a little
01:25:26.500 bit of shame for me.
01:25:27.720 Yeah.
01:25:28.420 Oh, dude, the guilt.
01:25:29.800 Yeah.
01:25:30.160 I totally have that.
01:25:30.860 It turns into a shame or a guilt.
01:25:32.260 But yeah, you're so right. 1.00
01:25:33.160 It's like, oh, jeez, the guy's helping black kids in Africa and shit. 1.00
01:25:37.480 Oh, that's beautiful, man. 1.00
01:25:38.040 Or South America.
01:25:39.320 Jesus, who is this hunk?
01:25:41.720 Yeah, you got nothing to be anxious about, man.
01:25:43.900 Nick Manifesto.
01:25:45.460 Nick.
01:25:45.840 Oh, this guy.
01:25:46.620 He looks Greek, huh?
01:25:52.540 He might be Greek.
01:25:53.160 Maybe, yeah, maybe, yeah. 1.00
01:25:54.940 Yeah, he looks like a Nigo Montoya, prepared to get fucked. 1.00
01:25:57.900 You're living the life, man. 1.00
01:25:59.840 Wow, dude, I think if you show your Instagram to a woman, you have nothing to be anxious
01:26:03.480 about.
01:26:03.880 But it just goes to show you, man.
01:26:05.340 I know.
01:26:05.520 This guy can look like a Greek god and-
01:26:08.780 Or demigod, probably.
01:26:10.140 Demi.
01:26:10.540 I think that's second, yeah. 1.00
01:26:11.780 And inside, you're all fucked up. 1.00
01:26:14.540 Yeah. 0.99
01:26:14.800 So the, what is it called?
01:26:16.620 But that's right, though.
01:26:17.360 You're right, though.
01:26:17.820 I think it's just that contrary action, you know?
01:26:19.620 And that's something that they talk about in AA and 12-step stuff a lot.
01:26:22.700 It's just like, yeah, it's thinking about things, laying in bed.
01:26:26.880 When you wake up laying in bed, it's just the worst thing you can do.
01:26:29.260 Because it's just this isolation.
01:26:31.380 Isolation grows on itself.
01:26:32.820 Yep.
01:26:33.060 You think like, oh, I'm scared to be around people.
01:26:35.020 And then you think that.
01:26:35.860 Yep.
01:26:35.960 And then you're by yourself for a couple days.
01:26:37.180 And then you are scared to be around people.
01:26:39.280 Exactly, exactly, yeah.
01:26:40.160 Whereas if you just go out and actually take some action.
01:26:43.080 Yes.
01:26:43.240 With a contrary action.
01:26:44.420 It's like, I don't want to go for a run.
01:26:45.440 I'll go for a run right now.
01:26:46.360 Exactly.
01:26:46.960 Somebody invited me to the movie.
01:26:48.080 I don't want to go.
01:26:48.680 I'm going to go.
01:26:49.260 Even though I don't want to.
01:26:50.380 Yes, yes.
01:26:51.040 And then that uncomfort starts to go away.
01:26:55.100 Dissipate.
01:26:55.440 And usually you go, oh, this movie's great.
01:26:57.540 I'm so glad I came.
01:26:58.480 Yes.
01:26:58.640 This wasn't so bad.
01:26:59.560 Yeah.
01:26:59.880 But if you don't go, you're going to really hate yourself.
01:27:01.740 Yep.
01:27:01.900 And then it gets easier over time.
01:27:04.160 You don't have as much of that anxiety.
01:27:05.700 Yes.
01:27:05.980 It's not.
01:27:08.480 Anxiety, I think, is just this.
01:27:10.260 We're supposed to be like in motion.
01:27:11.900 And I think some of it is just this stagnating, this cul-de-sac-ing of us being, doing stuff
01:27:17.180 and connecting with each other.
01:27:18.360 Or that energy has been alive for so long.
01:27:20.540 And now it just has no place to go.
01:27:22.620 Right.
01:27:22.960 Right.
01:27:23.280 I think kind of we're wired as humans evolutionarily.
01:27:26.700 You farm.
01:27:27.640 You get up.
01:27:28.220 You fight a bear. 1.00
01:27:29.360 You fuck your wife. 1.00
01:27:30.660 You raise your kids. 1.00
01:27:31.680 You farm.
01:27:32.400 You kill a bear.
01:27:33.400 You know, we have to survive.
01:27:34.840 And we don't have to do that anymore.
01:27:35.700 We got Uber Eats.
01:27:36.540 We got the granola bars.
01:27:38.040 Yeah.
01:27:38.280 So it's still in us.
01:27:39.620 So I think that's why we're more anxious than ever.
01:27:41.780 Yeah.
01:27:41.940 You know, because you used to just go to a factory.
01:27:43.760 You go home.
01:27:44.360 You crack a beer.
01:27:45.240 You watch the football game.
01:27:46.300 You go to bed.
01:27:47.000 You go to the factory. 1.00
01:27:48.180 You don't have to do that shit anymore. 1.00
01:27:49.200 We're doing a pod. 1.00
01:27:50.000 We're working.
01:27:50.840 Right.
01:27:51.140 This is work.
01:27:51.920 And then we're going to go to the comedy store and that's work.
01:27:54.300 Yeah.
01:27:54.740 You know, so we don't have any struggle.
01:27:56.640 Yeah, we don't have any struggle.
01:27:57.660 We don't have a ton of human interaction that much.
01:28:00.180 Yeah, yeah.
01:28:00.820 But also, there's a guy recently who was talking to me about that we don't touch the earth as much as we used to.
01:28:06.820 Oh, that's good.
01:28:07.660 And so this energy of, like, the energy that's supposed to usually come in and out of the ground and in through our bodies and, like, that doesn't happen that much.
01:28:16.040 Whitney on our podcast talked about this practice that's getting popular because of that called grounding.
01:28:20.760 And it's just going barefoot and walking in the dirt and going on hikes, but barefoot because of that whole thing.
01:28:26.000 I mean, the moped, you know, everything in my body is like, what are you doing?
01:28:29.960 What are you having a midlife crisis?
01:28:31.240 Why are you buying this?
01:28:31.840 What do you think?
01:28:32.220 You're a cool dude.
01:28:33.420 And I get on that thing and it's visceral.
01:28:35.860 I got the wind in my hair.
01:28:37.000 I can feel the throttle. 1.00
01:28:38.240 I can feel the engine heating up in my asshole and everything and the bumps and my clit's popping. 1.00
01:28:43.120 And it's just great. 0.99
01:28:44.240 And I'm leaving outside of cars.
01:28:45.680 It's nerve wracking.
01:28:46.560 And I get to the spot and I kind of go, whew, I got to take a minute.
01:28:49.360 That was wild.
01:28:50.420 Yeah.
01:28:50.660 You know, I'm going down Broadway in the best city in the world.
01:28:53.640 And it's great.
01:28:54.220 The lights are going by me.
01:28:55.160 I got a Chinese guy, you know, passing me up. 1.00
01:28:57.800 I give him a honk.
01:28:58.580 He doesn't wave back.
01:28:59.680 Yeah.
01:29:00.000 And it's crazy.
01:29:01.600 And then I just get there and I'm like, wow, I would have been on the subway with earbuds
01:29:04.480 in just sitting there looking at some hobo, you know, like it, you got to get up and get 0.99
01:29:09.140 out and do something. 0.99
01:29:09.920 That's why like woodworking is good or like, that's why these guys do tough mutter and shit. 0.97
01:29:13.960 Tough mutter is just like, I got to, I got this body full of muscles and organs. 0.98
01:29:18.060 I got to use it.
01:29:18.920 Yeah.
01:29:19.120 You know, I got to push myself.
01:29:20.740 Yeah.
01:29:20.860 We got to try.
01:29:21.680 You got to try because it's easy to not try.
01:29:24.460 It's so easy.
01:29:25.360 It's easier.
01:29:26.340 Yeah.
01:29:26.460 We're creating them.
01:29:27.200 Yeah.
01:29:27.320 We've definitely created a society in America where it's easy.
01:29:29.800 It's like, yeah, just this comfort.
01:29:31.380 Yeah.
01:29:31.760 Everything's turning into a couch.
01:29:33.300 Exactly.
01:29:33.800 And then boy, when VR gets in here, it's over.
01:29:36.460 We're going to just VR a set and we go, all right, I killed.
01:29:39.380 I didn't have to leave the house.
01:29:40.820 You know?
01:29:41.500 Yeah.
01:29:41.740 People buy tickets and watch you on in the virtual reality.
01:29:44.600 Exactly.
01:29:45.080 And that'll be it.
01:29:45.800 You're not going to meet any women. 1.00
01:29:46.760 You're just going to fuck VR women. 1.00
01:29:48.080 I mean, it's going to be over. 1.00
01:29:49.460 You'll just be basically a passageway that food goes through.
01:29:51.900 Yes.
01:29:53.100 Yes. 1.00
01:29:53.520 You're just shitting and eating. 1.00
01:29:54.900 Shitting and eating. 1.00
01:29:55.840 It's going to be crazy, man. 1.00
01:29:57.080 Yeah.
01:29:57.280 I mean, look at what people can accomplish.
01:29:58.660 You watch an MMA fight.
01:29:59.680 You're like, that's unbelievable that two guys can do that or two women can do that. 0.92
01:30:03.940 Yeah.
01:30:04.140 I could never do that.
01:30:05.160 But the human body is capable of such, you see a guy on a snowboard do 80 flips and land,
01:30:10.100 you're like, I'm eating Cheetos and fingering myself.
01:30:13.320 What's going on?
01:30:13.960 Yeah.
01:30:14.920 Yeah, dude.
01:30:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, bro.
01:30:17.620 And not even washing my hands between the two.
01:30:19.660 No. 1.00
01:30:20.020 My asshole's yellow and orange. 1.00
01:30:22.160 It's got all the dust on it. 1.00
01:30:23.200 Aye, aye, aye.
01:30:24.060 Remember Chester Cheetah?
01:30:25.040 Oh, yeah.
01:30:25.580 Aye, aye, aye, aye.
01:30:26.140 Of course.
01:30:26.760 Of course I do.
01:30:28.100 Cheetah Cheetah.
01:30:28.620 I saw Kelvin Gastelum last night at the store.
01:30:30.500 Who?
01:30:30.580 I saw that on your Instagram.
01:30:32.320 Oh, the fighter.
01:30:32.960 Yeah, Israel Adesanya.
01:30:33.920 One of the fighters, yeah, fighter of the year.
01:30:35.620 And I got to be at that fight.
01:30:36.620 I'd only been to one fight.
01:30:37.800 Joe Rogan took me to a fight one time.
01:30:39.440 And dude, it was the craziest fight.
01:30:41.260 I was with you.
01:30:42.240 You were there?
01:30:42.860 Atlanta.
01:30:43.400 Yeah.
01:30:43.780 Yeah, yeah, remember?
01:30:44.780 We walked in, it was Cheeto, me and you.
01:30:47.660 And we walked into the arena and everybody went nuts for you.
01:30:49.980 Oh, I don't even remember that.
01:30:51.080 And then I think Poirier was fighting.
01:30:52.720 Yeah, Poirier was there.
01:30:53.620 Yeah, he was fighting.
01:30:54.400 You were there?
01:30:55.060 I remember Andrew was there.
01:30:56.220 I feel so bad.
01:30:56.880 Jeez, we hung out all day at the Four Seasons.
01:30:59.420 And I remember after he won, you guys like hugged.
01:31:02.460 And I was like, whoa, Theo is big.
01:31:04.400 Oh, that's crazy, man.
01:31:05.300 It blew my mind.
01:31:06.160 Yeah, it made me feel excited, bro.
01:31:07.580 I was pretty excited.
01:31:08.520 You handled it very well. 1.00
01:31:09.640 I would have been like, oh, shit. 0.99
01:31:10.700 Hey, how you doing? 0.99
01:31:11.540 But you looked cool.
01:31:13.540 Oh, cool, man.
01:31:14.460 Thanks.
01:31:14.900 Yeah, dude, that's the first time I saw those guys just go through it so much.
01:31:18.000 Yeah.
01:31:18.460 I was seeing my girl at the time. 0.99
01:31:19.920 And just walking through that tunnel with Rogan, you know, that fucking gorilla with a button 1.00
01:31:23.960 down on. 1.00
01:31:24.640 You're like, what the fuck? 1.00
01:31:25.580 And he just sits down, puts the headphones on. 1.00
01:31:27.240 He's like, he tied him on the left.
01:31:28.680 He cracked him in the jaw.
01:31:29.800 You're like, whoa, where am I? 1.00
01:31:31.100 You're getting hit with sweat and AIDS is on you and shit. 1.00
01:31:33.400 And Cheetos looking at a hot chick. 1.00
01:31:35.080 It was a wild day.
01:31:37.200 That was a hell of a day.
01:31:39.060 Dude, that's crazy.
01:31:40.040 I feel so bad that I forgot the, I just didn't think about it.
01:31:42.980 Do you remember now?
01:31:43.780 Is it coming back?
01:31:44.540 Not at all. 0.99
01:31:45.100 Damn. 0.99
01:31:45.740 I got to make some, I got to say the N word or something. 0.99
01:31:48.480 Get stand out a little.
01:31:49.760 Oh, yeah.
01:31:50.200 If you'd have wrote down the N word on a piece of paper and passed it to me, dude, I'd remember 1.00
01:31:53.600 that.
01:31:53.940 I'll be doing that after the show.
01:31:55.200 I'll tell you that.
01:31:56.020 Who's the sober one between you? 0.93
01:31:57.380 I know.
01:31:58.120 I had four beers in me that night, I remember.
01:32:00.820 I had a big gulp the whole time of beer.
01:32:03.540 I was probably nervous.
01:32:04.660 Something about beer, that whole environment made me nervous.
01:32:06.640 Oh, I get it.
01:32:07.640 I mean, you got Rogan. 1.00
01:32:08.700 We're in a fucking SUV with Rogan. 0.99
01:32:10.240 Remember that? 0.99
01:32:10.580 Yeah.
01:32:10.820 That was terrifying.
01:32:11.700 Were you really there?
01:32:12.440 You were just messing with me.
01:32:13.140 I was there.
01:32:13.700 We hung out.
01:32:14.960 With 18 shopping bags, remember?
01:32:16.660 You were like, I went shopping, and we chatted for like an hour, and then they came downstairs,
01:32:20.860 and we all went together.
01:32:22.240 Oh, yeah, in a hotel.
01:32:23.860 We sat next to each other at the fight.
01:32:25.640 I was elbowing you, and I remember I said some things.
01:32:27.780 You were like, hey, take it easy, man, because I was being too offensive, I think.
01:32:30.520 Oh, yeah.
01:32:31.740 Cage up all of these guys.
01:32:33.120 Yeah, yeah, exactly. 1.00
01:32:34.240 I was making bad jokes at the fighters, like, come on, you pussy. 1.00
01:32:37.120 That's all you got. 1.00
01:32:37.780 Your mom's a whore, you know? 1.00
01:32:39.140 I was just trying to get into it, and you were like, shut the fuck up. 1.00
01:32:41.480 I'm trying to dab up Poirier. 0.98
01:32:43.840 I don't remember any of this.
01:32:45.260 I wasn't there, and I remember.
01:32:47.300 Santino had to leave early because he had a show in Atlanta that night.
01:32:50.620 Same, same.
01:32:51.260 Yeah.
01:32:51.700 It was you and me.
01:32:52.740 Oh, yeah, you had to leave early.
01:32:53.960 Yeah, I left early.
01:32:54.820 Now I remember. 1.00
01:32:55.180 I missed all the good shit. 1.00
01:32:56.600 Yeah. 0.99
01:32:56.800 I saw Poirier, but I missed Adesanya.
01:33:00.180 Yeah, man.
01:33:00.840 That was such a, yeah, but yeah, it was just wild to see that guy last night.
01:33:04.240 I think he's one of the best of all time.
01:33:06.260 I think he's like a special fighter.
01:33:07.880 He's different.
01:33:08.480 Who, Adesanya, you mean?
01:33:09.160 Yeah.
01:33:09.680 Oh, yeah, yeah.
01:33:10.260 I didn't see him.
01:33:10.780 I mean, just gasoline.
01:33:11.660 But yeah, Adesanya, I mean, that fight was just crazy, watching those two men hit each
01:33:14.760 other forever.
01:33:15.500 Oh, yeah.
01:33:16.340 God.
01:33:17.220 Wow.
01:33:17.780 Man, that was like the best day of my life, and to you, that was a blip in your mullet
01:33:21.740 lifestyle.
01:33:23.080 I feel so bad, bro.
01:33:25.260 You're out here picking out frames.
01:33:25.660 I remember you had to leave early. 0.97
01:33:27.260 We're all like, damn, he has to leave early to go to a show. 0.94
01:33:29.660 You were at the Skull, right? 0.99
01:33:30.840 The Skull, yeah, and it was brutal.
01:33:32.100 I was like, I don't want to leave. 0.99
01:33:33.500 I'd rather watch this shit fight than go to the show, but it was fun. 0.99
01:33:36.880 Sold out. 1.00
01:33:37.460 Good time.
01:33:38.140 I'm going to try to get us tickets to another fight, man, and you and I'll go.
01:33:40.540 Let's do it.
01:33:41.380 That'd be awesome.
01:33:42.180 Boy, I feel like we really bonded, too, on that couch.
01:33:44.280 Jeez. 1.00
01:33:45.180 Damn. 0.99
01:33:45.420 I got to be more memorable. 0.99
01:33:46.620 No, I was just probably thinking about myself.
01:33:49.960 Sure.
01:33:50.900 Who is this?
01:33:51.560 A couple of whites right here.
01:33:52.800 What is this?
01:33:53.300 Segura and Rickles?
01:33:56.480 Who's that?
01:33:58.060 Yeah.
01:33:58.680 No, I think that's Segura.
01:34:00.100 Yeah, who does that look like?
01:34:02.520 Who's that guy at the store?
01:34:03.460 Jimmy Schubert?
01:34:04.620 Maybe an old Shube.
01:34:06.120 Who's that guy at the store who opens it up?
01:34:07.740 Alan Arkin?
01:34:08.660 What's that guy's name?
01:34:09.440 Oh, yeah.
01:34:09.980 Argus Hamilton.
01:34:10.700 Argus Hamilton.
01:34:12.540 Argus Hamilton.
01:34:13.560 Yeah.
01:34:14.100 Sobriano looks good on him.
01:34:15.420 Named after, obviously, a couple of slaves, let's be honest.
01:34:18.960 Argus Hamilton.
01:34:19.880 Oh, yeah.
01:34:20.680 Good play.
01:34:23.300 What's up, Theo?
01:34:24.740 Gang, gang.
01:34:25.780 What's up, guys?
01:34:26.620 Hey, Mark, we're a couple of Tuesdays, and we want to know about your best night.
01:34:30.200 And your worst night.
01:34:31.420 Performing comedy.
01:34:32.780 Oh, I got that for you.
01:34:34.160 Thank you.
01:34:34.920 Cute couple right there. 0.99
01:34:38.020 Yeah.
01:34:38.180 Thank you, guys.
01:34:40.020 Yeah?
01:34:40.380 You want to start?
01:34:42.440 Let's hear yours, man.
01:34:43.440 All right.
01:34:43.780 Well, I've had a lot of great nights.
01:34:45.960 I've had a lot of bad nights.
01:34:46.840 It's hard to pick the top, but I did the, what is that?
01:34:50.860 What's the arena here?
01:34:52.740 Staples?
01:34:53.480 No, no, no.
01:34:54.180 Forum.
01:34:54.560 Forum.
01:34:55.140 I did the Forum once, and that was pretty unbelievable.
01:34:57.860 I just killed at the Forum.
01:35:00.280 I just had it.
01:35:01.160 It was just sold out, you know, opening for Schumer.
01:35:04.800 I don't know.
01:35:05.180 What is that? 0.95
01:35:05.820 30,000 people or whatever the fuck it is. 0.96
01:35:07.540 Really? 0.98
01:35:08.300 22, maybe.
01:35:09.200 22, yeah.
01:35:10.240 It was unreal, and it's in a circle, and just rocked it, and everything clicked.
01:35:14.980 I did the Patrice O'Neill benefit, and that was a good one with Bill Burr inviting me,
01:35:19.020 which was like such an honor, and that just clicked.
01:35:21.580 I remember I went third, which was like the best spot in this show, and just kicked it
01:35:26.180 right in the teeth, and it just, you know, when your timing is the laugh, and then you,
01:35:30.460 then the laugh, it just worked.
01:35:31.700 Mm-hmm.
01:35:33.360 And Bill said some nice things after, so that was great, but the worst probably two months
01:35:39.020 ago during Christmas, I did a bunch of corporate gigs.
01:35:42.480 Do you do corporates?
01:35:43.340 I just did one this week, actually.
01:35:44.620 Oh, nice.
01:35:45.280 They're pretty different.
01:35:47.000 Yeah.
01:35:47.320 They're not really stand-up.
01:35:49.140 You're just kind of like trying to keep these people happy and get your paycheck and get
01:35:52.020 out of there.
01:35:52.480 Yeah, you don't want to get any HR issues.
01:35:54.020 Yes.
01:35:54.140 That's the biggest thing.
01:35:54.920 Yes.
01:35:55.240 And I, that's exactly what I did.
01:35:57.020 I had to host a pharmaceutical award show.
01:36:00.000 Big hotel, ballroom, you know, like white tablecloths, fine china, tuxedos, chandeliers,
01:36:06.880 and I'm hosting, I got note cards, like a stack this high of like, next up, best sleep
01:36:12.040 aid.
01:36:13.340 Here are the nominees.
01:36:14.340 Like, I was that guy.
01:36:15.260 Wow.
01:36:15.520 I had a podium and everything.
01:36:16.780 Wow.
01:36:16.900 And I had to study it, and the paycheck was insane.
01:36:19.320 They picked me up with a limo, drove me out to Philadelphia. 1.00
01:36:21.520 Damn. 0.99
01:36:21.840 I get there, I'm supposed to do 15 minutes of stand-up to open, just to like, get them 0.99
01:36:25.460 loose, and then go into the award shows.
01:36:27.800 Clean, but they knew my stuff. 0.96
01:36:29.540 They watched all my YouTube, and they're like, we like your edge and all that shit, so just 0.98
01:36:32.880 do you. 0.82
01:36:33.840 So I just, to play it safe, I did the, I opened for Seinfeld, and I did the Seinfeld
01:36:37.900 set, which, you know, nothing cleaner than Seinfeld.
01:36:40.860 Yeah.
01:36:41.000 So I go up, and out of the gate, bomb, bomb, bomb.
01:36:45.580 Every joke, and I'm like, all right, well, let me pull out some heavy hitters.
01:36:47.560 These always work.
01:36:48.460 Bomb, foolproof, bomb.
01:36:49.820 So I'm like, maybe I'll get a little dirtier. 0.89
01:36:51.540 That's how I'll get them. 0.83
01:36:53.360 I go, I do a vibrator joke. 0.92
01:36:55.100 Be naughty.
01:36:55.780 I see a table of women get up and leave in like a huff, and I go, oh, that's not good. 1.00
01:36:59.980 So I comment on them. 0.91
01:37:01.440 Dry women, huh? 1.00
01:37:02.420 Yeah.
01:37:02.740 Oh, yeah.
01:37:03.460 Oh, yeah.
01:37:04.200 These women were not into it. 1.00
01:37:07.500 And so I get off to like, I bring these people up to like give a little speech about some 1.00
01:37:13.220 kind of fucking drugs they're selling. 0.98
01:37:14.920 And I get off, and the CEO of the whole thing is yelling at me, and he's like, how could you 1.00
01:37:19.140 say that about my wife? 1.00
01:37:20.260 And I'm like, wait, what are you talking, I don't even know who your wife is.
01:37:22.220 And he's like, my wife is offended.
01:37:23.760 Get the hell out of here.
01:37:24.840 You're fired. 0.94
01:37:25.420 You're done.
01:37:25.900 I was like, wait, what?
01:37:27.120 What are you talking about?
01:37:27.700 I'm in a tuxedo.
01:37:28.420 I rented a tux from Joseph A. Banks.
01:37:31.420 So I'm like, what?
01:37:33.020 So I go up to like the curator later, and she's like, she's crying because he yelled at her
01:37:36.720 first, and she's like, you gotta go, you gotta go.
01:37:39.180 We're gonna find someone else to host it.
01:37:41.040 Three more hours in the show, and I just had to get in a car and go back to Philly.
01:37:44.880 No.
01:37:45.340 I mean, go back to New York.
01:37:46.700 Brutal. 0.99
01:37:47.560 I studied, and all this shit, and it was like a fine lobster steak dinner, and it was like 1.00
01:37:52.000 so high end. 0.99
01:37:53.200 And this was a big production with like a sound booth guy, and the lighting guy, and the 0.97
01:37:57.760 waiters, and all this shit, and I just had to leave. 0.95
01:38:00.880 Over a joke. 1.00
01:38:01.800 She thought it was offensive to women. 0.96
01:38:04.040 But the joke is so blah.
01:38:06.020 It's like so innocuous.
01:38:08.120 What's the joke?
01:38:08.900 The joke is my girl used a vibrator, and I say I feel like I'm obsolete now, because
01:38:15.200 the vibrator's better than me.
01:38:16.220 I feel like this, she's at CVS, and I'm an employee there, and she's using the self-checkout.
01:38:20.800 And I'm like, hey, if you need a hand, I'm your man.
01:38:24.080 I feel like I'm losing my job.
01:38:25.820 Then I'm like, these robots are taking our job, blah, blah, blah. 0.73
01:38:28.480 And I'm the loser in the joke.
01:38:30.160 You know, the vibrator's better, but she took that as some of, she probably hasn't gotten 1.00
01:38:35.340 late since 88.
01:38:36.520 She's taking it out on me.
01:38:37.500 She's repressed. 0.99
01:38:38.240 She's gay. 1.00
01:38:38.820 I don't know what's going on. 0.99
01:38:40.060 So I got the old boot.
01:38:43.340 Brutal.
01:38:43.740 But I got paid.
01:38:44.800 Oh, you did get paid?
01:38:45.500 I got paid.
01:38:46.060 Good agent.
01:38:46.920 Good agent.
01:38:47.760 Yeah.
01:38:48.100 And it wasn't my fault.
01:38:49.360 Like, I did the material that I did on Conan, you know?
01:38:52.900 Yeah. 1.00
01:38:53.200 So it's TV shit. 1.00
01:38:54.660 Yeah, that sounds like that lady had some kind of issue. 1.00
01:38:57.420 Maybe she was having to use a vibrator a lot, and things weren't going well or something. 0.97
01:39:00.600 Or who knows?
01:39:01.100 I think something was up, yeah.
01:39:02.300 She wanted to get railed by Puberty Wilson, or something was going on.
01:39:05.580 And everybody in that crowd is probably on opioids, because it's pharmaceutical. 1.00
01:39:08.940 Yeah, they're fucking drug dealers lecturing me about morality and shit. 1.00
01:39:12.620 I'm like, you guys sell pills, Oxycontin, to people that get hooked in Boston, and then 1.00
01:39:17.140 they do heroin and kill themselves.
01:39:18.780 Like, I'm the bad guy. 0.97
01:39:19.860 I'm telling Zingers. 1.00
01:39:20.580 Yeah, you're trying to get Somas into Lunchables. 1.00
01:39:23.940 Yeah, exactly.
01:39:24.980 You guys are out of your minds over there.
01:39:26.900 It's crazy.
01:39:27.360 That's what I was saying with the priorities.
01:39:28.700 We're all out of whack, you know?
01:39:30.000 For some reason, jokes really hit people, like, hit a nerve with people.
01:39:34.000 I don't know what it is.
01:39:35.460 But, like, I noticed that we've become...
01:39:38.940 I noticed sometimes things will get me...
01:39:40.740 Like, I'm like, oh, I'm reacting to things.
01:39:43.980 Like, I am becoming part of the problem that I even call out sometimes.
01:39:48.420 I mean, we're all human.
01:39:49.540 Right.
01:39:49.860 I noticed this sometimes. 0.96
01:39:50.780 I'm like, though, like, damn, this thing really has me, like, bent. 0.91
01:39:53.500 This is somebody's tweet or something. 0.96
01:39:54.820 Oh, really?
01:39:55.000 Like, what am I doing?
01:39:55.680 Like, what's going on here?
01:39:57.020 Right, right.
01:39:57.640 Like, white male, straight white male, blah, blah. 1.00
01:40:00.080 And you're like, oh, shit. 1.00
01:40:01.180 Is this about me? 0.99
01:40:02.200 Yeah, just like, yeah, I don't know. 0.99
01:40:04.580 Sometimes I find myself getting, like, triggered by shit. 0.99
01:40:08.480 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00
01:40:09.180 Well, it happens.
01:40:09.940 It happens.
01:40:10.320 But you go, all right, I'm triggered.
01:40:11.780 And you're not going to go get somebody fired.
01:40:13.540 Right.
01:40:13.820 You would never do that.
01:40:14.760 No. 1.00
01:40:14.800 You would go, shit, why did that bother me? 1.00
01:40:16.340 And you've got to sit with it a little bit, maybe, but just to have that gut reaction 1.00
01:40:20.000 to just, like, ruin this guy. 1.00
01:40:21.780 Fuck you. 1.00
01:40:22.180 You made me feel weird for one second. 1.00
01:40:24.240 You're done.
01:40:24.960 Yeah.
01:40:25.320 That's a crazy instinct.
01:40:26.700 Well, the thing that's going on is there's something that's making us, why do we feel
01:40:31.400 weird?
01:40:32.480 Like, why?
01:40:33.840 Like, the feeling of us feeling weird about something has been magnified somehow.
01:40:38.020 Yes.
01:40:38.160 It used to be, like, somebody told a joke, it made me feel a certain type of way or something
01:40:42.640 a little bit.
01:40:43.140 That was very small.
01:40:44.060 I was more focused on, how is this going to make me laugh?
01:40:46.880 Yeah.
01:40:47.000 Almost even sometimes I would pretend to laugh.
01:40:48.920 Yeah, of course.
01:40:49.620 Just to enjoy myself.
01:40:51.800 Yes, yes.
01:40:52.420 Whereas now, there's this, whatever the muscle or the reactor inside of us that wants to be
01:40:59.180 upset, that thing is stronger now.
01:41:02.480 Yeah, yeah, that's true.
01:41:03.880 You're right.
01:41:04.560 That's a good point.
01:41:05.860 It's just, it's become stronger.
01:41:07.560 I think because the more comfort you have, the less tough skin you have, maybe.
01:41:13.400 Like, we're so used to comfort that when you feel a little bit of discomfort, you're
01:41:16.540 like, oh, this is weird.
01:41:17.780 I got to put it, I got to shut this down.
01:41:20.000 And I think people, like, canceling and, like, being morally superior on Twitter and
01:41:25.400 just shouting out a guy, I think makes you feel good.
01:41:28.520 Also, it gives you a little power.
01:41:29.920 Like, I got that guy kicked off SNL.
01:41:31.820 How cool am I?
01:41:32.820 I'm great. 0.96
01:41:33.440 He's racist.
01:41:34.020 I'm great. 0.85
01:41:34.680 Yeah.
01:41:34.880 I saw an interesting thing.
01:41:35.940 I don't want to say any names, but I was at the comedy club.
01:41:39.880 Doc Rivers.
01:41:41.460 I was at a comedy club in New York, and we're all talking, hanging out.
01:41:44.500 This lady was there. 0.99
01:41:45.400 She's an L.A. comic. 0.65
01:41:46.820 And Shane Gillis walked up.
01:41:48.140 And he goes, hey, I'm, she goes, hey, I'm, we'll say, Leslie.
01:41:51.300 And he goes, yeah, I know who you are. 1.00
01:41:52.400 You shit on me on Twitter. 1.00
01:41:53.900 After the whole SNL thing. 1.00
01:41:54.240 He's a Traeger.
01:41:55.140 No, no.
01:41:56.100 And he goes, she goes, I did?
01:41:57.740 Who are you?
01:41:58.240 She didn't even know who he was.
01:41:59.320 Wow.
01:41:59.440 And he goes, I'm Shane Gillis.
01:42:00.380 And she's like, oh, really?
01:42:01.980 Wow.
01:42:02.260 You know, I never, ah.
01:42:04.260 I was just, you know, going with the flow. 0.99
01:42:06.080 Like, everybody was shitting on you. 0.99
01:42:07.040 I just jumped on the bandwagon. 0.99
01:42:08.180 I didn't know you were a real person.
01:42:09.420 Like, I never put it together.
01:42:10.440 Now that we're face to face, it's weird.
01:42:12.000 And he was like, yeah, I get it.
01:42:12.940 It's cool.
01:42:13.760 And that was it.
01:42:14.560 But it was cool seeing it in real life.
01:42:17.200 Right.
01:42:17.360 Not just, you know, screens.
01:42:18.820 Right.
01:42:19.220 So that was fun.
01:42:20.280 Because the screens can make you do anything.
01:42:21.880 You got no remorse.
01:42:23.100 Yeah. 1.00
01:42:23.500 You suck, kill yourself, you know. 1.00
01:42:25.360 And then they do it, and you go, shit, that's real. 1.00
01:42:27.520 Yeah, it's the same thing. 1.00
01:42:28.580 You know what that goes?
01:42:29.440 It's the same thing with pornography.
01:42:30.720 It's like.
01:42:31.040 Yes.
01:42:31.460 Yeah, of course.
01:42:32.280 Yeah.
01:42:32.900 If that were a real person, you wouldn't be behaving that way
01:42:35.580 because you have a wife or you have a girlfriend.
01:42:37.140 Right, right, right.
01:42:38.160 But because it's on this screen, it makes it.
01:42:40.980 It's distant.
01:42:41.760 Right, it's distant.
01:42:42.480 But it still has this residual effect.
01:42:44.780 And then the effect that you see in the world from that.
01:42:46.920 Like, it's so funny when people were ripping on Ari the other day 1.00
01:42:49.760 when it first happened, you know, everybody kept getting into Ari Shafir
01:42:52.240 and canceling him.
01:42:53.400 And then the funniest part to me was people calling him a white supremacist.
01:42:58.300 That's the go-to now.
01:42:59.680 I mean, I think sometimes he's kind of a Jewish supremacist, I think,
01:43:02.420 sometimes just because of his whole new act, you know.
01:43:04.420 Yeah.
01:43:04.880 Which always would be a good name for him.
01:43:06.380 Yeah, that's true.
01:43:07.660 Well, Judaism in itself is supremacist. 0.78
01:43:10.680 They call themselves the chosen one.
01:43:12.460 Yeah. 1.00
01:43:12.560 What, do you think you're better than me, you fucking Jew? 1.00
01:43:14.500 Yeah, I thought the chosen one was Carmelo Anthony, wasn't it? 1.00
01:43:16.700 Yeah.
01:43:17.400 He ain't no he. 1.00
01:43:19.600 I also thought the first time I heard Carmelo Anthony, he is a, well,
01:43:22.860 I thought it was a candy, dude, and I was like, I want some.
01:43:24.880 Ooh, Caramello.
01:43:25.900 How could he not have a bar?
01:43:27.300 I know, right?
01:43:28.860 That sounds great.
01:43:29.760 I'd have two of them.
01:43:30.840 Yeah.
01:43:31.000 But it made me, but I started to get, I was like, oh yeah, people are pissed at Ari, man. 0.99
01:43:36.280 He fucked, and I just noticed my brain starting to go down this little path. 0.99
01:43:40.160 Yeah, it happens. 1.00
01:43:40.700 It happens. 0.98
01:43:41.300 He really fucked up, you know, what's going, like. 1.00
01:43:43.600 It's the mob mentality with the torches, and you go, oh, we're burning this lady? 1.00
01:43:46.680 Let's burn her. 1.00
01:43:47.520 Yeah. 1.00
01:43:48.220 Don't burn her.
01:43:48.760 At least then you had to be there and do it.
01:43:50.400 That's true.
01:43:51.100 That's true.
01:43:51.860 Now you got, you know, Larry Ruckus sitting on his couch.
01:43:55.580 He hasn't worked ever, and he's like, you know, he has 20,000, 40,000 tweets.
01:44:00.740 Right.
01:44:01.140 If you have over 11,000 tweets, dude, they should give you an amount per year.
01:44:06.080 Yes.
01:44:06.640 There you go.
01:44:07.380 You really want to use one on this, this little situation?
01:44:10.740 I remember one time in high school, I was hanging out with my friend.
01:44:13.460 He's like, he didn't go to my high school, and we went to his football game.
01:44:16.880 And I'm sitting in the stands, and you start rooting.
01:44:19.120 That's not my school. 0.99
01:44:20.220 I don't give a fuck. 1.00
01:44:21.120 I don't care what happens to these kids. 1.00
01:44:22.600 But you start rooting, and it's the same thing.
01:44:24.420 You want to be a part of something.
01:44:26.180 You know, you get on Twitter.
01:44:27.780 My whole thing with, like, the Ari stuff and all this, like, I just don't care. 0.99
01:44:31.660 Like, who gives a fuck? 1.00
01:44:32.440 Yeah, Ari said something crazy. 1.00
01:44:33.760 All right, so what?
01:44:34.660 Go buy your groceries. 1.00
01:44:36.040 Go jerk off. 1.00
01:44:36.940 Go hug your kids. 1.00
01:44:37.940 Right.
01:44:38.140 Who has that much?
01:44:38.740 Who has too much time to care?
01:44:40.180 Yes.
01:44:40.320 Like, I like thinking about it.
01:44:41.640 Like, it's interesting to think about why it happened.
01:44:44.920 Sure.
01:44:45.160 What's going on.
01:44:46.080 Like, if there was something in his head, if he thought before, like.
01:44:50.020 But you're already a step ahead.
01:44:51.420 You're sitting back and thinking.
01:44:53.440 Everybody's just going off just gut.
01:44:55.480 Right. 1.00
01:44:55.760 Like, primal monkey shit. 1.00
01:44:58.300 You're thinking about it. 1.00
01:44:59.240 It's this weird thing that we want to be.
01:45:01.500 Yeah, you're right.
01:45:02.140 I want to find a way.
01:45:02.940 How do I be better than this person right now?
01:45:04.820 Why does this bother people?
01:45:06.040 Why did he do it?
01:45:06.980 What's he trying to get out of it?
01:45:08.000 Like, that's already you're better off.
01:45:10.580 Your mind is a little more open.
01:45:12.380 It's interesting.
01:45:12.780 Try to keep it open.
01:45:13.820 Yeah.
01:45:13.980 It can get close pretty quick.
01:45:15.400 Of course.
01:45:15.680 But yeah, try to keep it open.
01:45:16.880 Well, it's easy to go gut.
01:45:18.200 It's so easy.
01:45:19.080 Yeah.
01:45:19.260 Yeah.
01:45:19.820 And we always go the easy route.
01:45:21.160 Dude, I had a tweet that I had to pull down.
01:45:22.840 And thankfully, I did.
01:45:24.400 I mean, some lady said Lakers and Knicker and Knicks, you know, on the television the
01:45:30.040 other day.
01:45:30.340 And they thought that she said the N-word.
01:45:31.760 Did you see that lady? 0.88
01:45:32.160 Oh, I did see that.
01:45:32.880 Yeah.
01:45:33.880 So right after, I was like, people started sharing that.
01:45:37.540 So I took the, some guy was like, can you believe this lady said this?
01:45:40.660 She needs to be ruined. 1.00
01:45:42.000 Right. 0.97
01:45:42.060 You know, whatever.
01:45:43.040 And I was like, I had a tweet.
01:45:44.540 It was like, so what?
01:45:45.540 You know, no matter how many times she says it or something, it's not going to bring him
01:45:48.180 back, you know?
01:45:49.340 Ooh.
01:45:49.960 And kind of like edgy, funny, you know?
01:45:53.240 Heavy stuff from the thief.
01:45:54.920 But immediately, let me make sure that's exactly what I said.
01:46:00.200 So what?
01:46:01.920 It's not, it still won't bring him back.
01:46:04.760 Yeah.
01:46:04.900 Something like that.
01:46:05.560 Ooh, boy. 0.99
01:46:05.860 Like, just this ridiculous idea. 0.98
01:46:07.720 Sure. 0.87
01:46:08.260 That if you said the N-word enough, it would bring somebody back from the dead.
01:46:11.380 Right, right.
01:46:13.580 Do you want to hear the lady say it?
01:46:15.360 Yeah, let's do it.
01:46:15.920 Yeah, let's hear it.
01:46:16.600 Oh, a million five views.
01:46:19.660 Perfectly cast on the Los Angeles Knickers, Los Angeles.
01:46:23.240 Los Angeles Knickers, Kavita, if I could ask you to stay with us, we're going to-
01:46:25.600 It did sound like it.
01:46:26.600 It really did.
01:46:27.660 Perfectly cast on the Los Angeles Knickers, Kavita. 0.51
01:46:29.940 Ooh.
01:46:30.580 I think that they adjusted the audio in that one.
01:46:32.780 Really?
01:46:33.000 It is a little, there's a pause.
01:46:34.340 Yeah, there's a bit of a hitch in the giddy up.
01:46:36.820 Right.
01:46:37.300 See, what's crazy is, so 1.5 million people, if they did adjust that audio, you have no
01:46:42.520 idea.
01:46:43.720 And now 1.5 million people think that the lady said that.
01:46:47.540 And is she fired or what happened?
01:46:49.180 I don't think so.
01:46:49.720 She did an apology.
01:46:50.420 Chris D'Elia had a good tweet, I think, yesterday or this morning, earlier today while reporting.
01:46:56.140 D'Elia has good takes on, like, just reality.
01:47:00.000 Yeah. 0.95
01:47:00.160 You know, because we get all worked up and shit, and then he's like, he just kind of cuts 0.99
01:47:03.280 to the, this is dumb, and you know it, and this is why. 0.99
01:47:07.340 Yeah, he's like, anybody, yeah. 0.99
01:47:08.780 Imagine thinking she actually was so secretly racist, and you just want to virtue signal, 0.89
01:47:15.020 you're feeling guilty about your own racism, and want people to think you're not a racist.
01:47:17.760 Right, I think there's some truth to that.
01:47:20.260 Agreed, 100%.
01:47:21.220 Like, you know, you make a joke about watermelon, somebody goes, hey, that's racist, and you're
01:47:24.700 like, I didn't even mention black people.
01:47:26.040 Yeah.
01:47:26.140 You went there.
01:47:27.100 Yeah.
01:47:27.240 What's your brain doing at night? 1.00
01:47:29.320 Yeah, some of that stuff's ridiculous. 0.99
01:47:30.740 And that's where I think sometimes Hollywood gets all cornered up, because they've shut 0.95
01:47:33.740 themselves, they've painted themselves into this incapable space to be human.
01:47:39.160 Yes, well said, so true. 1.00
01:47:41.960 And that's why I come out of the gate going, I'm a piece of shit, I suck, I'm a degenerate, 1.00
01:47:46.580 I like blow and pussy, you know, because I don't want to fall into that world. 1.00
01:47:51.620 Oh, no, you want to be president. 1.00
01:47:53.160 Yeah.
01:47:55.420 But it's funny, though, because it's true. 0.98
01:47:58.120 Yeah, like, it feels like those guys in Hollywood are all on a reality show, and you said fag, 1.00
01:48:04.080 so now you're out the house, you got eliminated, you're done, like Louis C.K. got eliminated, 0.89
01:48:09.160 you know, and you're like, ah, just eliminate me now, like, I don't even want to play, I
01:48:13.460 don't want to be in the house. 0.99
01:48:14.580 Yeah, I just want to do blow, and say fag in the yard all the time. 1.00
01:48:17.660 Right, right, and I'm not a bad guy, and I have no homophobic thought, or I don't even 0.99
01:48:21.980 give a shit, but I've noticed the ball busting, because New York has gotten kind of so wokey 0.93
01:48:27.340 and everything, that the ball busting has gone LA. 1.00
01:48:29.340 It used to be like Tough Crowd, Patrice, Colin Quinn, DiPaolo, Norton, Keith Robinson.
01:48:34.460 Those days are over, you know, DiPaolo's gone wacky, political, Colin Quinn's gone
01:48:40.660 one-man show, whatever, but like, the ball busting now is you guys, you and D'Elia and
01:48:45.980 Swartzen and Schaub and Callen, and those guys are all making fun of each other, and
01:48:50.380 it's nice to see it again.
01:48:51.860 It's all gone LA somehow.
01:48:53.960 Yeah, I do notice sometimes, like, yeah, it is, like, especially on King and the Sting,
01:48:59.240 it's a fun place where we can, like, just rip each other.
01:49:01.560 Yeah, I think that's healthy.
01:49:03.360 We have other people, like, we have a little bit of diversity on there, so it's, like,
01:49:07.540 a fun place where we can talk about, you know, joke about race.
01:49:10.080 Right.
01:49:10.800 Like, growing up, dude, I remember if you said the N-word, that's how, if somebody beat 0.99
01:49:14.720 your ass, that's how you knew if you could say it or not. 0.99
01:49:17.480 Right, right, yeah. 1.00
01:49:18.640 That's how you knew.
01:49:19.440 Yeah, but it was a lot of intent, too, like, not intent, but you could feel the heat behind
01:49:25.160 it, you know, like, I said this on Rogan, but in my neighborhood, you could feel it, it's 1.00
01:49:30.180 the same words, like, fuck you, white boy, and then, ah, fuck you, white boy, it's the 1.00
01:49:35.440 same words, but it was a way different feeling. 1.00
01:49:38.120 Like, if I was on a basketball court and I heard the first one, I was like, I'm out of
01:49:41.060 here.
01:49:41.320 Right.
01:49:41.580 But I heard the second one, and I'm, get a guy in a headlock and noogie him, you know?
01:49:45.240 Vitriol.
01:49:45.840 Noogie, please.
01:49:46.940 Yeah.
01:49:47.240 Vitriol who?
01:49:49.040 Johnson.
01:49:49.660 One of them has vitriol and one doesn't.
01:49:51.340 Yeah.
01:49:52.020 Vitriol Johnson with my neighbor.
01:49:52.500 Dude, it's kind of crazy, you know, growing up, I was like, black people have some of the 1.00
01:49:54.620 craziest names, like, when I was growing up. 0.94
01:49:56.340 Oh, yeah.
01:49:56.580 But now I'm like, dude, some of the, like, you gotta have a unique name, and a lot of it's
01:50:01.300 frickin' dope, you know?
01:50:02.360 Yeah, of course, you stand out, but now honkies have gone, like, Gwyneth Paltrow's got a kid
01:50:06.520 named Apple.
01:50:07.360 Yeah.
01:50:07.660 So we have our own white version of weird. 0.52
01:50:09.520 They got, like, DaQuante or whatever the fuck, and we got, like, Lighthouse. 0.94
01:50:13.360 I think it's Jason Lee's kid is named Lighthouse. 0.99
01:50:15.220 That's insane.
01:50:15.880 Give that a goog there, will you, Nick?
01:50:18.440 Lighthouse?
01:50:19.420 If they did Lighthouse for the blind, I would love it.
01:50:22.420 That's a little long.
01:50:23.260 Yeah, dude. 0.98
01:50:23.960 Also, how risky to put a light, you're leading the blind right next to the fuckin' water, 0.98
01:50:27.960 bro? 0.98
01:50:28.360 Yeah, right?
01:50:29.120 So risky. 1.00
01:50:30.360 Damn. 1.00
01:50:31.020 That was GPS back in the day. 1.00
01:50:32.260 Every time I see that ad, I'm like, this is insane, man.
01:50:35.580 How does this end, you know?
01:50:36.820 I know, right?
01:50:37.600 Like, blind people, you ever think about, like, they just gotta deal with that. 1.00
01:50:41.100 We had a girl on here, a blind person. 1.00
01:50:42.280 What?
01:50:42.800 Yeah.
01:50:43.180 Really?
01:50:43.720 It was one of our, yeah, it was one of our most popular episodes.
01:50:45.980 I mean...
01:50:46.620 Just talking about what it was like.
01:50:48.180 She said she can relate sometimes to computers because that's how her brain feels.
01:50:52.640 It's like, the more it goes along certain paths and stuff, the more it gets used and
01:50:56.800 gets comfortable in that path and, like, knowing what's going on.
01:50:59.900 Interesting.
01:51:00.260 How key, like, sound is to them.
01:51:03.600 Yeah, of course.
01:51:04.680 And how they can feel how other people are feeling a lot of times.
01:51:08.460 Are we talking about the actor, Jason Lee?
01:51:09.820 I thought so.
01:51:10.580 He's got one named Casper, one they call Birdie.
01:51:13.080 Oh, maybe I had the wrong guy.
01:51:14.440 I'm not seeing a lot.
01:51:15.040 Casper's pretty intent.
01:51:16.180 Somebody's got a wacky name, like Lighthouse or Light Fixture or Light Beer.
01:51:21.680 I can't remember.
01:51:23.680 I might have Lighthouse wrong.
01:51:25.140 It could be a ferry, maybe.
01:51:29.200 You ever take that ferry over there from New Orleans over to the West Bank?
01:51:31.740 West Bank, yeah, sure.
01:51:32.680 Mardi Gras World.
01:51:33.420 We'd go there.
01:51:34.280 Yeah.
01:51:35.000 I used to take that with my dad all the time.
01:51:36.580 I loved that ferry.
01:51:37.440 It was like a buck.
01:51:38.400 Yeah.
01:51:39.020 That was good times.
01:51:40.280 Yeah, that thing was good.
01:51:41.260 Remember, it costed a dollar to get into New Orleans from the West Bank.
01:51:44.680 Every day, my friends would have to pay a buck to get into the city.
01:51:47.680 They got rid of that, but that was weird as a kid. 0.99
01:51:49.880 Like, damn. 1.00
01:51:51.180 That's kind of shitty to the wankers. 1.00
01:51:52.720 Yeah, it really is, kind of. 0.99
01:51:53.780 Yeah.
01:51:54.140 You got to pay to get in here.
01:51:55.860 Yeah, and you have to come over there to work, and you also got to pay.
01:51:58.320 Yeah.
01:51:58.700 The causeway was like that coming from Mandeville.
01:52:00.520 It was like you had to pay, yeah.
01:52:01.720 Oh, really?
01:52:02.180 It was a dollar, and then it was a dollar fifty on each side. 1.00
01:52:05.860 Damn. 0.99
01:52:06.200 Then eventually, it was just three dollars one way. 1.00
01:52:08.920 Damn. 0.99
01:52:09.380 So the other way, you didn't have to stop. 0.99
01:52:10.640 You had to pay three dollars up top.
01:52:12.040 Longest bridge in America.
01:52:13.580 Yep.
01:52:14.060 I think.
01:52:14.920 And it was the longest bridge in the world.
01:52:16.720 What?
01:52:17.540 For a while, and then Japanese built one longer.
01:52:19.600 I got caught on that bridge about to get murdered.
01:52:23.200 I don't know if you heard about this, but we were stopped on the causeway, because we
01:52:27.860 were getting chased by this guy who was trying to kill us, me and a couple of high school
01:52:31.700 friends.
01:52:32.200 Oh, Jesus.
01:52:32.860 And there was an accident on the causeway, so it was gridlocked, so the car had to park. 1.00
01:52:37.260 And we were like, fuck! 0.99
01:52:38.060 And he got out, and he was shaking the car. 0.99
01:52:39.560 He was like a big buff guy, and we were like three squirrely Catholic school kids, and
01:52:44.260 he had a knife, and he was slicing the side of the car up.
01:52:47.120 And luckily, the cops at the wreck saw it and tased him and pulled him down and cuffed
01:52:52.220 him.
01:52:52.480 Oh, that's amazing.
01:52:53.380 It was wild.
01:52:53.980 But I was like, go on the causeway.
01:52:54.940 He won't follow us, because it's too long. 0.99
01:52:56.440 But then there was a fucking wreck. 0.99
01:52:58.380 That causeway, man. 0.99
01:52:59.680 Oh my God.
01:53:00.060 Because to me, that was a whole other world over there where you lived. 0.99
01:53:02.400 I was like, I don't know what goes on in Covington and Mandeville and all that shit. 0.96
01:53:06.100 That was a, I didn't know what that was. 0.98
01:53:07.880 It got just wild.
01:53:09.300 Yeah, it was just kind of suburban, and then it just got a little bit weird the further
01:53:12.120 you got out.
01:53:12.920 Yeah.
01:53:13.440 Well, I went to LSU for a while, and a bunch of guys I lived with were from Mandeville,
01:53:17.740 and these were tough, rambling dudes.
01:53:20.580 Like, they could fish and skin a fox and fight and smoke and weed with angel dust.
01:53:26.920 Really?
01:53:27.120 Who were they?
01:53:27.660 I'm trying to remember any of them.
01:53:28.380 One guy was named Gabe McCormick.
01:53:30.460 One guy was named Jared Smedley.
01:53:32.500 These were like backyard, rough and tumble kind of guys.
01:53:36.660 Yeah.
01:53:36.820 You know, like Cajun-y dudes. 0.98
01:53:38.440 Yeah.
01:53:38.800 And I was glad I was friends with them, because they were like tough dudes.
01:53:41.940 Yeah.
01:53:42.040 I saw them fist fight all the time.
01:53:43.600 Oh, wow.
01:53:44.380 Yeah, like they would headbutt a dude, and they'd be wearing polo shirts and a woven
01:53:47.780 belt, and just knock a guy out at a football game.
01:53:51.000 And they were like my size.
01:53:52.160 Yeah.
01:53:52.320 They weren't big guys or anything.
01:53:53.560 They had a little bit of bravery, huh?
01:53:55.520 Yeah, and they had like their own knives. 0.98
01:53:57.560 They had knives in their room and shit, you know? 0.85
01:53:59.100 Yeah, people like to make knives and stuff. 0.97
01:54:00.500 Yeah, it was like prison-y.
01:54:02.460 Yeah.
01:54:02.920 You know? 0.98
01:54:03.380 They had a weird scar on their head and shit. 0.99
01:54:05.940 Good guys. 0.98
01:54:06.660 Yeah.
01:54:07.220 Yeah. 0.91
01:54:07.580 They knew how to make a boat out of a log and shit, you know? 0.98
01:54:11.560 P-Rog. 0.99
01:54:12.960 Yeah, that P-Rog, man. 1.00
01:54:14.420 Oh, yeah.
01:54:14.740 They could catch a crab with their hand out of the water, and they could pick up a rock
01:54:18.140 and go, all right, the wind's going that way. 1.00
01:54:19.880 They almost had like a little Cherokee in their ass. 1.00
01:54:23.100 Yeah. 1.00
01:54:23.740 It was interesting.
01:54:24.620 I think a lot of people have a little bit, and they put a little chunk of mud under their
01:54:27.820 tongue, you know, and tell if you're a Pisces or not.
01:54:30.140 Yeah, exactly, exactly, yeah. 0.99
01:54:31.920 And I came from the city, so I was like, I don't know what the fuck this is, you know? 0.54
01:54:36.040 But, yeah, cool guys. 0.82
01:54:38.340 LSU, did you enjoy your time over there?
01:54:39.880 What was it like?
01:54:40.620 I did, but I lived in a house with four guys, and we had a hot tub and a beer pong table,
01:54:45.520 so I failed out of three colleges. 0.99
01:54:47.900 Damn. 0.99
01:54:48.180 And eventually, I got into Southeastern, and I finished online. 1.00
01:54:51.480 Hell yeah, dude.
01:54:52.660 Which was in Hammond.
01:54:52.800 So you're a lion?
01:54:54.100 I guess.
01:54:54.400 You're a Southeastern lion?
01:54:54.920 I guess so, yeah.
01:54:55.880 Yeah, dude, from Hammond.
01:54:57.200 Yeah, it was a good school.
01:54:58.420 I liked it.
01:54:59.080 It's a good school, man.
01:54:59.820 It's a nice little place over there.
01:55:00.800 I went over there to a pumpkin carving contest one time.
01:55:04.160 Oh, nice.
01:55:04.860 We drove over there to practice for months, dude. 0.99
01:55:07.440 And I got over there, and I just got too nervous, and I ate shit. 0.58
01:55:12.100 I just did Lafayette, and they were like, Theo was just here. 0.94
01:55:14.600 It was like the talk of the town.
01:55:15.780 Oh, yeah?
01:55:16.340 I did a-
01:55:16.880 We had fun over there.
01:55:17.840 What is that?
01:55:18.360 Holiday?
01:55:18.880 No, Doubletree Hotel.
01:55:20.220 Jason Leonard's got this show, and it's killer.
01:55:22.180 It's like 300 plus seats.
01:55:23.840 Wow.
01:55:24.220 Great show.
01:55:24.860 And they were like, Theo was just here.
01:55:26.240 And I was like, I know Theo.
01:55:27.320 It was fun.
01:55:27.900 Oh, that's cool.
01:55:28.500 Yeah, I get to tell people I know you all the time.
01:55:30.880 People ask about you all the time, man.
01:55:32.340 Come on.
01:55:32.980 They do.
01:55:33.220 They're always like, oh, yeah, you and Mark Norman, you all are from the same place.
01:55:35.740 Right.
01:55:36.480 You've probably been one of the most requested people that we've had to have on the podcast.
01:55:39.400 Whoa.
01:55:39.680 Up there for sure.
01:55:40.620 I'll take it.
01:55:41.360 I think people expect me, because I'm from New Orleans, to be like, I come in on a gator, 0.99
01:55:45.200 and I got a fucking three-cornered hat on and shit, you know? 0.99
01:55:48.700 But yeah, I don't know. 1.00
01:55:49.600 It was just a city.
01:55:50.620 Yeah.
01:55:51.240 We ate weird food, I guess, and listened to Zydeco.
01:55:53.900 And Mardi Gras.
01:55:54.780 And Mardi Gras.
01:55:55.780 Oh, that was the best.
01:55:57.820 You got two weeks off of school.
01:55:59.720 What would you do?
01:56:00.180 What are you kidding?
01:56:00.720 I mean, St. Charles Avenue.
01:56:02.620 Oh, yeah.
01:56:03.180 So much fun.
01:56:03.860 Remember 7th Street?
01:56:04.800 Yeah.
01:56:04.860 That was where all the kids hung out.
01:56:05.800 Yeah.
01:56:05.980 We would do drugs and get drunk and make out and finger girls and eat each other out by 0.99
01:56:10.300 the bushes and all that shit. 0.97
01:56:11.720 And I remember making out with a girl who had cigarette breath, and it was so hot to 0.99
01:56:15.280 me because she was so adult.
01:56:17.140 Yeah.
01:56:17.300 Yeah.
01:56:17.600 Good times.
01:56:18.480 God, that was fun.
01:56:19.360 And you could drink outside there.
01:56:20.560 I got knocked out on St. Charles one time.
01:56:23.560 Dude, I got knocked out on St. Charles by Lee Circle. 1.00
01:56:25.780 Oh, shit. 1.00
01:56:26.840 Was it a tall blonde hair, dude? 1.00
01:56:28.320 Like, I mean, 230 pounds.
01:56:30.580 No, no.
01:56:31.040 6'2"?
01:56:31.640 No.
01:56:32.200 I wish.
01:56:33.260 It was like a college guy. 0.99
01:56:34.720 Just like a fat, doughy, chunky, white guy. 0.99
01:56:39.600 Oh, you could have beat that guy. 0.99
01:56:40.920 Did you try to beat him or not?
01:56:41.940 He snuck me, as we used to say.
01:56:43.780 That's one thing I don't like that happens in Louisiana all the time, bro.
01:56:46.920 Yeah.
01:56:47.060 Yeah. 1.00
01:56:47.080 That sneak bullshit. 1.00
01:56:48.240 That's the kind of shit that I did not like that happened a lot down there. 1.00
01:56:50.460 All the time. 1.00
01:56:51.280 Yeah.
01:56:51.720 It was a weird story.
01:56:52.900 Me and a couple of friends were hanging out, drinking.
01:56:55.120 And these kids, like older kids, a little boy caught a spear.
01:56:59.120 And the spear was like the big one.
01:57:01.080 That was like a big ticket item.
01:57:02.320 And they were nice.
01:57:03.220 Yeah.
01:57:03.300 They were nice. 1.00
01:57:04.280 And if you caught one of those, like, oh, shit. 1.00
01:57:05.820 Well done. 1.00
01:57:06.500 Yeah. 1.00
01:57:06.820 And these older kids were like, give me the fucking spear, kid. 1.00
01:57:09.500 And he was like, no, it's mine. 1.00
01:57:11.080 And we're like, hey, leave the kid alone.
01:57:12.500 It's a spear. 1.00
01:57:13.100 What are you, crazy? 1.00
01:57:13.820 Like, you're 18, 19, 20. 1.00
01:57:16.040 What are you, crazy? 1.00
01:57:16.640 And they're like, who the fuck are you? 1.00
01:57:17.540 So they start pushing us. 1.00
01:57:18.740 So we start pushing them.
01:57:19.880 And then one of my friends got pushed.
01:57:22.960 And this is like out of a movie.
01:57:24.360 The other guy squatted behind him like an ottoman. 0.99
01:57:27.080 And he fell over.
01:57:28.200 So they start stomping on my friend's face.
01:57:30.420 Yes.
01:57:30.880 So then I got hit.
01:57:31.940 And I go down.
01:57:32.520 And I remember seeing, I'm laying on the sidewalk, looking at my friend getting smushed by like
01:57:36.820 a Doc Martin.
01:57:37.720 Yeah.
01:57:37.960 You know?
01:57:38.220 And I was like, this is bad.
01:57:39.860 So we lost pretty quick. 0.73
01:57:42.080 We had the one black friend who was swinging away.
01:57:45.060 But the cops came and broke it up.
01:57:47.240 And we were like, all right, well, that was crazy. 0.99
01:57:48.540 We're all banged up and shit. 0.98
01:57:50.080 We're like, ah, what are you going to do? 0.98
01:57:51.200 Give me another beer.
01:57:52.200 And then we go walk like a block.
01:57:54.980 And I'm talking to my girlfriend at the time.
01:57:56.560 And she goes, I think that's one of those guys.
01:57:59.680 And I was like, huh?
01:58:00.500 And I looked the wrong way.
01:58:01.520 And he was running this way.
01:58:02.500 Running start hit me.
01:58:04.340 I went out and pissed myself.
01:58:05.960 Oh.
01:58:06.360 Which is the most embarrassing thing.
01:58:07.880 I mean, not only getting knocked out, but urinating.
01:58:10.280 And you've done that so much as a child.
01:58:12.320 I guess. 1.00
01:58:12.860 I guess I got a weak dick stop, piss stopper or something. 1.00
01:58:16.040 I got no cork. 1.00
01:58:16.980 Yeah.
01:58:17.240 And I went out.
01:58:17.980 And I was laying on a guy's lawn, like drooling and pissing on myself, which is pretty embarrassing.
01:58:22.340 And I woke up like two minutes later.
01:58:23.620 And my girlfriend like, get out of here. 1.00
01:58:25.580 And like swinging her purse and shit. 0.99
01:58:26.880 Oh, that's the worst. 1.00
01:58:28.040 I'd rather the guy kill me than have a girlfriend standing there saying, get out of here. 1.00
01:58:31.920 Brutal, brutal. 1.00
01:58:32.360 He's my man.
01:58:33.580 Yeah.
01:58:34.040 That's the worst, bro.
01:58:35.620 Oh, it was brutal, man.
01:58:36.820 That's the worst, dude.
01:58:37.940 Because that ruins your Mardi Gras.
01:58:39.000 Oh, completely. 0.99
01:58:39.760 And I had a fucking egg whop right here. 0.99
01:58:42.060 It was rough. 0.99
01:58:42.920 And yeah, that was bad.
01:58:43.800 I had to like have lunch with my mom the next day.
01:58:45.340 She's like, what happened?
01:58:45.940 I was like, I fell down the stairs.
01:58:47.560 I got hit by a doorknob.
01:58:49.740 Brutal, brutal.
01:58:50.900 But it humbles you.
01:58:51.960 Yeah.
01:58:52.560 It definitely makes you think about it.
01:58:54.020 Yeah.
01:58:54.260 Like, yeah, you get knocked around a couple of times.
01:58:56.420 You get a little bit wiser.
01:58:57.920 Yes.
01:58:58.080 You just stay out of certain situations.
01:58:59.940 Definitely.
01:59:00.480 Don't ask questions.
01:59:01.400 Don't run your mouth.
01:59:02.220 You can notice when things are just starting to heat up.
01:59:04.660 You're gone.
01:59:05.300 Yeah.
01:59:05.320 You can feel the Spidey sense is tingling. 0.99
01:59:07.440 And I saw, I mean, those fucking Baton Rouge guys were daint. 1.00
01:59:11.140 They would kick you in the face. 1.00
01:59:12.220 Yeah. 1.00
01:59:12.560 Like at a bar and shit. 0.97
01:59:13.640 Like in the parking lot. 0.99
01:59:15.060 The fights out there were wild.
01:59:16.620 It got more risky.
01:59:17.440 Yeah.
01:59:17.660 They had a ton of fights at LSU, man.
01:59:19.100 Oh, yeah.
01:59:19.540 I remember being in a parking lot one time and somebody threw a beer bottle and went right
01:59:22.440 by my head and shattered on a wall next to me. 0.99
01:59:24.460 Damn. 0.99
01:59:25.080 And I was like, I didn't even know anybody. 1.00
01:59:27.400 I was like, somebody's crazy.
01:59:29.020 You know, I'm just not.
01:59:30.320 I have aspirations.
01:59:33.940 Dude.
01:59:34.220 Yeah.
01:59:34.600 I remember one time we're walking down the street and this big white dude, I think he
01:59:38.180 was on steroids, bro.
01:59:39.520 And he walked past us and it was me and a couple of my buddies.
01:59:43.000 And he goes, oh, he turns around and is like, one of y'all called me the N word?
01:59:46.880 And we're like, no way, dude.
01:59:50.520 I'm not blind.
01:59:51.440 Yeah.
01:59:52.500 What? 1.00
01:59:52.900 Are you crazy? 1.00
01:59:53.780 Yeah, bro. 0.99
01:59:54.400 Tighten up, man.
01:59:55.320 Yeah.
01:59:56.000 You're going to have a better line. 0.98
01:59:56.600 Before we can say anything, bro, he fucking decks one of my buddies, right? 1.00
02:00:01.080 Oh, shit. 1.00
02:00:01.720 Yeah. 0.99
02:00:01.940 They had like a piece of, just a piece of like, it was like a, not a two by four, but
02:00:07.840 like maybe a one by two or something.
02:00:09.680 Ooh.
02:00:10.100 Like a really thick dowel rod right there just leaning on this fence.
02:00:13.200 It was Mardi Gras.
02:00:13.720 Somebody made a sign and left it there.
02:00:15.380 Oh.
02:00:15.860 So I just picked it up and just snapped this guy with it.
02:00:19.180 Really?
02:00:19.820 Yep.
02:00:19.840 He hit me.
02:00:20.540 He hit my buddy.
02:00:21.380 That didn't knock him down? 1.00
02:00:22.480 Dude, here was a crazy fuck. 1.00
02:00:23.260 Jeez, who is this N word? 1.00
02:00:25.280 This white N word is a beast. 0.99
02:00:27.460 Bro, it did not know. 0.99
02:00:28.460 This guy was huge, man.
02:00:29.720 Wow.
02:00:29.820 He was on something.
02:00:30.740 Like he was just unbeatable, you know?
02:00:32.300 Yeah, yeah.
02:00:32.700 Maybe some coke.
02:00:32.880 It was like the first time you get to like the super, like the, like the, the boss.
02:00:36.840 Yeah.
02:00:37.000 Yeah.
02:00:37.340 You're like, oh, I don't know where he jumps.
02:00:39.220 Right. 1.00
02:00:39.560 So I'm fucked. 1.00
02:00:40.300 Yeah. 1.00
02:00:40.500 I got to play it a few times to get his rhythm.
02:00:42.480 Yeah.
02:00:42.920 Yeah.
02:00:43.200 Yeah.
02:00:43.360 So this guy was, and some girls pull up. 1.00
02:00:45.800 The only girls we even knew that we had any chance with their Mardi Gras pull up and they're 1.00
02:00:49.300 like, and for some reason I kind of like falling off to the side of the fight and they're
02:00:52.540 like, hey, what are you guys doing?
02:00:53.780 And we're like, I'm like, oh, this guy's beating the shit out of us.
02:00:58.000 What does it look like we're doing? 0.90
02:00:59.200 No joke.
02:01:00.240 The girl goes, okay, well, we're just going to find a place to park.
02:01:02.640 I'm like, okay.
02:01:03.600 Oh, that's exciting.
02:01:04.220 They were just looking for parking.
02:01:05.460 I like that gal. 1.00
02:01:06.480 She's not fazed by shit. 0.99
02:01:07.940 So man, this guy cracked me right in the middle of the head and it was this horrible big red, 1.00
02:01:13.240 well.
02:01:13.700 Yeah.
02:01:14.080 Yeah.
02:01:14.400 And I got some ash out of a thing and tried to fake that ash Wednesday thing.
02:01:19.060 Oh, smart.
02:01:20.020 Smart move.
02:01:21.340 You should have gone full Muslim. 1.00
02:01:22.720 Just put that dot down there.
02:01:24.260 Yeah.
02:01:24.540 You know?
02:01:25.680 Wow.
02:01:26.460 He got you right here.
02:01:27.760 Oh man, he got me right there, man.
02:01:29.720 And yeah, it definitely kind of woke me up.
02:01:31.520 Like it shook my head a little.
02:01:33.040 Sure.
02:01:33.260 It almost made me feel pretty cool.
02:01:34.840 Yeah.
02:01:35.080 Yeah.
02:01:35.140 You get a rush and you feel alive a little bit.
02:01:37.080 Yeah.
02:01:37.100 Yeah.
02:01:37.380 You're like, oh, right on, man.
02:01:38.360 I can get knocked out.
02:01:39.360 Yeah.
02:01:39.740 It's very primal.
02:01:41.120 You know?
02:01:41.360 Like we grew up, not grew up, but we evolved fighting.
02:01:44.300 Yeah.
02:01:44.600 And so it's something in you.
02:01:46.080 I mean, you picked that stick up pretty quick.
02:01:48.000 Yeah.
02:01:48.400 You weren't like, should I pick up the stick?
02:01:49.800 You just went for it.
02:01:50.800 Yeah. 0.81
02:01:51.080 It was fun hitting him too, right in the neck. 0.60
02:01:52.760 I bet.
02:01:53.440 I can't believe that didn't knock him out.
02:01:55.200 Oh no.
02:01:55.520 Or knock him down at least.
02:01:56.520 No, not this guy. 1.00
02:01:57.480 Damn. 1.00
02:01:57.800 I would have hit him about 40 times for him to go down. 1.00
02:02:00.220 Wow. 0.98
02:02:00.980 It was right here was the worst part.
02:02:02.140 Right when I picked it up, I realized it wasn't that strong.
02:02:04.380 It was like, I wished it was like.
02:02:05.680 It was flimsy?
02:02:06.140 Yeah.
02:02:06.420 Yeah.
02:02:06.640 It wasn't that sturdy.
02:02:08.200 Yeah. 0.98
02:02:08.560 That sucks. 0.99
02:02:09.080 It was almost like slapping somebody with a piece of wood. 1.00
02:02:11.840 It was bad. 0.99
02:02:12.740 You hit a guy with like a paint stirrer or some shit. 1.00
02:02:16.060 Oh, that sucks. 1.00
02:02:17.580 You just made him mad. 1.00
02:02:18.840 Yeah.
02:02:19.960 Yeah.
02:02:20.320 All it did was make him mad.
02:02:21.720 Right.
02:02:22.000 Right.
02:02:22.420 He started blinking like on the screen.
02:02:24.420 You're like, uh-oh, this isn't good.
02:02:26.020 Right.
02:02:26.320 Right.
02:02:26.580 You needed a flower to fireball him. 1.00
02:02:29.440 Damn. 1.00
02:02:30.500 Um, what else? 0.99
02:02:31.240 Did we cover everything?
02:02:32.060 Nick, you got anything?
02:02:32.840 Any more questions?
02:02:34.040 Uh, all the good ones.
02:02:35.400 The other ones you kind of answered within conversation.
02:02:38.060 Oh, all right.
02:02:38.740 All right.
02:02:39.140 I hope we weren't too serious.
02:02:40.240 I hope there was some yucks in there.
02:02:41.940 Oh, I was yucking it up.
02:02:42.860 All right.
02:02:43.320 All right.
02:02:43.480 Yeah.
02:02:43.740 I thought it was fun, man.
02:02:44.740 It's just also just nice to get to chat.
02:02:46.320 We never really got to sit down and chat that much.
02:02:48.200 That's the beauty of pods, man.
02:02:49.560 It brings people together.
02:02:50.540 Like, I have friends who I don't see unless we podcast.
02:02:53.160 Yeah.
02:02:53.340 Which is kind of sad, but we're working.
02:02:55.100 We're always busy.
02:02:55.860 Yeah.
02:02:56.740 What's it like at the cellar these days over there? 0.98
02:03:00.500 We're, uh, you know, diverse and like spread out and no one calls anybody on shit, which 0.90
02:03:06.620 I think, like I'm all for diversity and I'm all for new people and hanging out and different 0.91
02:03:10.940 voices, but it was a, it was a better place when you were more honest.
02:03:15.740 Now it's like, well, this is a gay trans or whatever, so I'm not going to push it.
02:03:21.120 Right.
02:03:21.480 You know, but he might have a hacky joke that I heard before, but I'm like, I don't want
02:03:24.560 to just ruffle any feathers because I don't want to seem like I'm this guy.
02:03:29.500 Right.
02:03:29.680 Which I think is worse.
02:03:30.620 That's not progress.
02:03:31.640 Right.
02:03:31.920 I thought it was about treating everybody equally, but we're so nervous about stepping
02:03:34.580 on toes and being called phobic or this and that.
02:03:37.800 So like that part's weird.
02:03:39.500 Man.
02:03:39.800 Yeah.
02:03:39.960 That seems like a really tough environment.
02:03:41.600 Yeah. 0.99
02:03:41.800 Like back in the day, Patrice would go, what the fuck is that hat? 0.99
02:03:44.640 You know? 0.99
02:03:45.000 And you can't do that now because you're like, I don't know if that hat's a fucking garb 0.99
02:03:48.560 or a, you know. 0.98
02:03:49.820 Yeah.
02:03:49.840 If it's like a service hat.
02:03:51.080 Right.
02:03:51.640 Right.
02:03:52.040 Right. 0.99
02:03:52.280 And now I'm classist or some shit. 0.97
02:03:54.360 So yeah, it's, it's different. 0.97
02:03:56.480 You got to watch your P's and Q's where before it was like, you just kind of shot from the
02:04:00.180 hip, which I think there's some goodness to that.
02:04:02.960 You know, you don't want a football coach who's going, Hey, everything was great. 0.99
02:04:06.840 No, you got a guy going, Hey, you fucked that up. 0.97
02:04:08.700 Do that again. 0.99
02:04:09.300 Get down on four knees and this and that.
02:04:11.220 Take a knee, whatever.
02:04:11.980 But yeah, so we're missing that part, but it's still a great club.
02:04:16.120 Yeah.
02:04:16.640 Oh yeah, man.
02:04:17.320 That place is legendary.
02:04:18.620 Oh, have you worked there ever?
02:04:19.880 Yeah.
02:04:20.380 I got, Schumer and Neil Brennan helped me get past there.
02:04:23.260 Nice.
02:04:23.800 All right.
02:04:24.220 It's, I mean, it's a tight comedy box.
02:04:26.600 It's a laugh box.
02:04:27.260 I'm so nervous.
02:04:27.780 Even when I went back there last time, like maybe four months ago, I passed through time
02:04:30.960 and didn't even go perform.
02:04:31.700 I just went by to say, Hey, and I was just like so nervous just even getting in there.
02:04:34.600 It's weird.
02:04:35.220 I mean, the store used to be like that, but the store has kind of gotten more welcoming.
02:04:38.600 I feel like.
02:04:39.340 Yeah, definitely.
02:04:40.460 Yeah.
02:04:40.640 I think, well, there's so many comics there.
02:04:42.100 There's so many people there usually at night.
02:04:43.820 Yeah.
02:04:44.000 And you know a lot more people now too.
02:04:45.400 Right.
02:04:45.580 Right.
02:04:45.780 That helps.
02:04:46.380 Yeah.
02:04:46.780 I mean, you definitely people, you know, you say Mark Norman, people are like, Oh yeah.
02:04:49.840 Right.
02:04:50.060 I'm not going to lie to you.
02:04:50.760 Like a couple of years ago, I'd see you and just be like, Oh, I don't know anybody.
02:04:53.900 It was like high school at the cafeteria.
02:04:55.280 Like we have some connection.
02:04:57.220 I need you.
02:04:57.900 Yeah. 1.00
02:04:58.140 But you were doing shit. 1.00
02:04:59.200 You were busy. 1.00
02:04:59.720 And I was like, all right, all right.
02:05:00.480 I got to, I got to learn to just sit here alone. 0.99
02:05:03.440 Damn. 1.00
02:05:03.720 But you know, you know how it is when you're, you're different, you want to fucking cling 1.00
02:05:07.760 to some guy. 0.97
02:05:08.460 Oh yeah.
02:05:08.860 Totally.
02:05:09.320 Yeah.
02:05:09.480 It's funny.
02:05:09.880 It's like the things that we, it's like so easily, like if, you know, like say like
02:05:15.040 a missile hit, it would be interesting to see how quick people got into like, what would
02:05:19.060 make attract people to different people and get into certain groups and clicks, you know?
02:05:22.780 For sure.
02:05:23.260 For sure.
02:05:23.600 I always say like, remember world war three was about to happen, you know, but Trump,
02:05:27.620 everything with Iran.
02:05:28.620 Yeah.
02:05:28.880 Yeah.
02:05:29.600 And everybody's like, this is awful.
02:05:31.120 And you know, everybody's got jokes about it.
02:05:32.940 I'm like, it's not that bad if you're checking your retweets, you know, if you're checking
02:05:37.220 your retweets, it's not really an emergency.
02:05:39.180 We all pretend like we're living in this crisis time and everything's going to on fire around
02:05:43.940 us, you know, but if you're going, here's my Trump joke, how's that doing?
02:05:47.680 Things aren't that bad. 1.00
02:05:48.780 If your house is on fire, you're not tweeting shit. 0.99
02:05:51.700 You know what I mean? 0.99
02:05:52.300 So that's how you kind of know if things are really bad.
02:05:56.020 And then of course it turned into nothing and nobody cared 10 minutes later.
02:05:59.480 But yeah, I feel like that's a good point because people are going to, my dad used to
02:06:04.280 always say, we need a war.
02:06:05.360 We need a war. 0.97
02:06:05.900 People are black versus white, rich versus poor, men versus women. 0.87
02:06:08.400 We need a war to bring us all together, which is not a great mentality, but I've seen
02:06:11.140 what he's saying.
02:06:11.160 I've thought about that before.
02:06:12.200 Yeah.
02:06:12.560 Like you need some kind of common enemy.
02:06:15.060 Like we used to hate the Nazis and we hated the Russians and you know, you got to have some 1.00
02:06:18.640 kind of bonding factor, which we don't really have anymore. 1.00
02:06:22.040 Everybody's doing their own shit. 0.99
02:06:23.080 You got a pod. 1.00
02:06:23.820 He's got a web series.
02:06:25.480 She's a diorama.
02:06:27.240 Yeah.
02:06:27.640 Yeah.
02:06:28.040 He's got an easel.
02:06:29.180 He's got a compass.
02:06:30.860 That's a Dimitri Martin reference too, guys.
02:06:33.160 Just so you know what's going on here.
02:06:35.640 Dude, we should do a showdown in New Orleans together.
02:06:37.140 That'd be pretty cool, huh?
02:06:38.080 Dude, I would love that.
02:06:38.960 That'd be great.
02:06:39.820 We could sell out the Mahalia or, I don't know.
02:06:42.240 That's pretty big.
02:06:42.980 That Sanger might be cool.
02:06:44.100 Ooh, me, you, Patton.
02:06:46.660 That could be fun.
02:06:47.700 That could be fun.
02:06:48.220 My dad's kid from his first marriage bought that place.
02:06:52.320 What?
02:06:53.440 Wait, your dad's kid?
02:06:54.240 He used to own that bar right there on your shirt.
02:06:56.380 Tipitina's?
02:06:57.100 My dad's son from his first marriage, yeah.
02:06:59.420 Oh, so a half-brother.
02:07:00.900 Yeah, a half-brother.
02:07:01.460 Okay.
02:07:01.600 He was like, he died.
02:07:02.440 He accidentally died in the woods.
02:07:03.780 He accidentally got shot, but he was like 68 or 70, I think he died a couple months ago.
02:07:08.620 He must have been a big hitter.
02:07:10.160 Yeah, they did well.
02:07:11.220 It was crazy because we didn't have anything, and we had this old dad, and he had this other
02:07:14.880 family from, you know, 30 years earlier.
02:07:18.320 That's wild.
02:07:18.960 And they owned Tipitina's, and they owned all this nice stuff, you know?
02:07:21.760 So could you come into town and get kind of wined and dined?
02:07:24.360 No. 0.99
02:07:25.020 Ah, that sucks. 0.97
02:07:26.000 Yeah, we just didn't have that. 1.00
02:07:27.060 Damn. 0.98
02:07:27.500 But I had like a common enemy, though. 1.00
02:07:29.560 I was like, oh, fuck them. 1.00
02:07:31.000 There you go. 1.00
02:07:31.660 You know?
02:07:32.320 Yeah, I thought you were my half-bro. 0.84
02:07:33.860 Yeah.
02:07:34.040 You're not gonna hook me up with some tickets?
02:07:35.460 Yeah, get me in there, dude.
02:07:36.520 I want to see disco biscuits tonight, you know?
02:07:41.000 I want to see Bag of Donuts.
02:07:42.220 Yeah.
02:07:42.760 Remember them?
02:07:43.340 Oh, dude, I remember them.
02:07:44.500 They played nine of my proms.
02:07:47.060 They're the only band.
02:07:48.640 Them and Cowboy Mouth, bro.
02:07:50.180 Yes!
02:07:50.680 And we had Better Than Ezra, I think.
02:07:52.300 Better Than Ezra I really liked, dude.
02:07:53.420 I did, too, yeah.
02:07:54.180 I remember running through the wet grass.
02:07:56.220 Falling a step behind.
02:07:58.280 That's all I knew.
02:07:59.800 Yeah, me too.
02:08:01.680 Dude, first of all, Cowboy Mouth, they can't play everything, dude.
02:08:06.220 No.
02:08:06.340 They would be at nine things.
02:08:07.620 They'd be at a funeral.
02:08:08.600 Right.
02:08:08.860 They'd be at an ICU opening.
02:08:11.100 Yeah.
02:08:11.660 They would be-
02:08:12.220 Christening.
02:08:12.780 Yeah, everything.
02:08:13.300 Bar Mitzvah, yeah.
02:08:13.980 What's going on?
02:08:15.060 Then they had the Radiators was a big one.
02:08:17.460 Yeah, Radiators.
02:08:17.960 They opened up a restaurant in the North Shore of Mandeville called Mandy's Restaurant. 1.00
02:08:21.160 Oh, shit. 0.99
02:08:21.740 I didn't know that. 1.00
02:08:21.880 Home of the grilled biscuits, bro.
02:08:23.160 So good.
02:08:23.720 All right.
02:08:24.260 Good for them.
02:08:24.700 Frank from the Radiators owns it.
02:08:25.900 And then they had, what was the, oh, the brass band.
02:08:30.680 Rebirth.
02:08:31.140 Rebirth, yeah.
02:08:31.820 Rebirth was big.
02:08:32.960 Rebirth, yeah.
02:08:33.660 About 10 years ago or 12 years ago, they really got on a national level.
02:08:37.200 Yeah, that's right.
02:08:37.980 They played on all the football games and stuff.
02:08:40.340 Wow.
02:08:40.980 Good for them.
02:08:41.700 I used them in my first special.
02:08:42.960 I played Rebirth to open it up.
02:08:44.500 Oh, really?
02:08:44.900 Yeah.
02:08:45.340 Dude, I played Ricky B. 1.00
02:08:46.720 Oh, shit. 1.00
02:08:47.380 Never Shake It For You, Hood? 1.00
02:08:48.200 Yeah, of course.
02:08:49.200 I grew up on that song.
02:08:50.300 Yeah, dude.
02:08:51.180 Bounce Rap.
02:08:52.040 Yeah.
02:08:52.960 What was it?
02:08:53.600 Partners in Crime.
02:08:54.700 P&C.
02:08:55.620 That was big. 1.00
02:08:55.980 It's that new Mr. Mina with the fucking goat. 1.00
02:08:57.980 Yeah, bro. 1.00
02:08:58.760 Holy shit. 0.99
02:08:59.640 This is my whole sock hop life. 1.00
02:09:02.040 I don't let him hoes. 1.00
02:09:02.680 I don't let him hoes. 1.00
02:09:03.760 And they all had dance, certain dance moves with it and shit. 0.99
02:09:06.380 I knew all that stuff. 0.99
02:09:07.260 Dude, they played I Don't Let Him Hoes, bro. 1.00
02:09:09.160 No joke at my uncle's funeral, dude.
02:09:10.880 How crazy is that?
02:09:12.260 Like, that's Louisiana, dude.
02:09:13.720 Yeah, yeah.
02:09:14.240 Yeah, bro.
02:09:14.860 Look, bro. 0.98
02:09:15.640 Oh, we used to go to fucking, what was that? 0.99
02:09:17.680 Me So Horny. 0.97
02:09:18.500 What was that band?
02:09:19.140 Two Live Crew.
02:09:19.960 Oh, yeah.
02:09:20.560 Oh, that's a great show.
02:09:21.740 Yeah.
02:09:22.160 One of them was on Tom Segura's podcast recently. 1.00
02:09:26.200 Oh, shit. 1.00
02:09:26.960 Your mom's house? 1.00
02:09:27.700 Live, I think.
02:09:28.500 Lonnie Live or whatever that man's name was.
02:09:30.360 Oh, wow.
02:09:31.120 Or it might have been Crew.
02:09:32.080 I don't know who it was.
02:09:32.760 One of them, dude.
02:09:33.620 Yeah.
02:09:34.560 Good times.
02:09:35.560 What Bag of Donuts?
02:09:36.320 They were pretty good. 1.00
02:09:37.320 I wonder if they moved on and did shit. 1.00
02:09:39.440 They were good, but they were always shooting toilet paper at the end. 1.00
02:09:42.260 They had that toilet paper gun. 0.99
02:09:43.680 Yeah.
02:09:43.820 And I think that's a point where people didn't take them as seriously.
02:09:46.400 Right.
02:09:47.020 They became like hype men.
02:09:48.460 Yes.
02:09:48.920 Yeah.
02:09:49.280 Yeah, they were a great, like, I remember they'd come over to the North Shore and play and people
02:09:52.200 would go nuts.
02:09:52.900 Go nuts. 0.95
02:09:53.580 Bag of Donuts is coming, dude. 0.95
02:09:55.340 Yeah.
02:09:55.400 Yeah, I saw him at a frat party and I was like, how'd you get them? 0.99
02:09:58.280 Holy shit, you guys have some money. 0.99
02:09:59.960 Yeah. 0.99
02:10:00.360 Or who was that guy?
02:10:01.280 I don't want to book the work.
02:10:03.200 And then I got high.
02:10:04.260 Oh, Afro Man. 1.00
02:10:05.180 Afro Man.
02:10:05.340 He was big.
02:10:06.680 I don't think he was from there, but he blew up there.
02:10:08.900 I want to be my y'all's a boo because I got high.
02:10:12.300 Bro, I saw him one time.
02:10:13.420 He was so drunk on a stage, he vomited in his hat and just threw it off the back of the
02:10:18.200 stage and just kept singing. 1.00
02:10:19.400 Damn. 1.00
02:10:20.320 At Ole Miss University. 1.00
02:10:21.800 Wow.
02:10:22.280 I saw him live once and he had all these other songs and everybody was kind of like, all
02:10:25.840 right.
02:10:26.100 Then he played I Got High and everybody was like, yeah.
02:10:28.820 And then he went back to the other one and we're like, all right, let's get out of here.
02:10:32.040 I felt bad for him.
02:10:33.700 That's all they wanted to hear.
02:10:34.840 I mean, let's be honest.
02:10:36.340 Dude.
02:10:36.880 Yeah, man.
02:10:37.300 And one thing I loved about being around Louisiana, especially in New Orleans, was just going to
02:10:40.820 get oysters.
02:10:41.440 That was something that was nice all the time.
02:10:43.120 Love an oyster on the half shell.
02:10:44.960 A lot of people don't like it.
02:10:45.980 Yeah.
02:10:46.220 It's crazy.
02:10:47.100 I mean, I get it.
02:10:47.840 It is a gooey, snotty thing out of a shell.
02:10:51.060 It's got a weird consistency.
02:10:52.580 It's like a loogie.
02:10:53.680 But I love it.
02:10:54.260 It's risque. 1.00
02:10:54.660 But a girl will give a blowjob. 1.00
02:10:56.140 He ain't going to have an oyster, dude. 1.00
02:10:57.280 I'm out of here, bro.
02:10:58.260 Good point.
02:10:58.680 Good point.
02:11:00.280 Sometimes I'll break an oyster out of the fridge just to see what her vibe is.
02:11:03.160 You know what I'm saying?
02:11:05.100 Yeah, yeah.
02:11:06.340 I love them, but I think you got to grow up with them.
02:11:09.200 Yeah.
02:11:09.880 Same with Crawford.
02:11:10.600 People are like, why do you waste time?
02:11:11.780 It's so, and I'm like, it's about to hang.
02:11:13.540 We're at a table.
02:11:14.220 We got a keg of beer.
02:11:15.300 We're throwing shells in the hole in the table.
02:11:17.180 It's great.
02:11:17.780 Yeah, everybody's got sinuses.
02:11:20.080 Yeah.
02:11:20.260 Somebody's fat uncle came over and he's in a boot. 0.66
02:11:22.420 Right, right. 0.98
02:11:23.700 That's the craziest.
02:11:24.720 That's true.
02:11:25.160 Some slow walking.
02:11:26.680 Right. 0.99
02:11:27.560 Fucking Buzz Aldrin ass dude shows up, bro. 1.00
02:11:31.140 Yeah, your Nana's there. 1.00
02:11:32.300 You got to peel them for her.
02:11:33.320 Yeah.
02:11:33.560 She was friends with Rosa Parks.
02:11:35.340 You can't even see.
02:11:36.880 Yeah.
02:11:37.780 Or Throza Parks, which is my nickname for Cam Newton.
02:11:40.420 Ooh, I like it.
02:11:41.640 They're pretty good.
02:11:42.260 That's pretty good.
02:11:43.000 With the headdress, it's okay.
02:11:44.160 He's hot. 0.96
02:11:44.640 He's a hot black man.
02:11:46.960 What do you think happens to Drew Brees, man?
02:11:48.360 Do you have any insight?
02:11:49.260 I think he had a good run.
02:11:50.500 I think his hair is going, and I think he's a cool dude, and he's great for the city,
02:11:55.100 but I mean, I think time has come.
02:12:00.240 Yeah.
02:12:00.800 What do you think?
02:12:01.400 A lot of people think it, man.
02:12:02.060 I mean, he completed 73% of his passes last year.
02:12:04.620 That's the crazy part.
02:12:05.600 That's great.
02:12:07.200 Right?
02:12:07.920 Yeah.
02:12:08.220 That's great.
02:12:08.780 That's a C?
02:12:09.260 That's a C?
02:12:09.900 Yeah.
02:12:10.440 Yeah, it's a C.
02:12:11.780 That's an A+.
02:12:12.620 That's an A+.
02:12:13.760 No, I like Drew.
02:12:14.940 I'm a big guy.
02:12:15.480 He's like the mayor.
02:12:16.420 You know, if he came down to New Orleans in a convertible and just waved, I mean, the 0.99
02:12:19.700 fucking buildings would shut down, and people would jump out of windows. 0.99
02:12:23.600 I mean, he's the guy. 0.99
02:12:24.460 Yeah, he's fun to watch on Instagram.
02:12:25.560 He has his kids and stuff.
02:12:26.620 Oh, I gotta follow him.
02:12:27.540 He's got three or four kids on there.
02:12:29.040 He's got three little boys and a little girl.
02:12:30.700 Does he know you?
02:12:32.420 I'll tell you this.
02:12:33.400 The only time I ever met him was at Lucy's.
02:12:37.680 Huh?
02:12:38.780 Scott Fajita, who was a football player for the Saints, brought him out to the comedy show
02:12:44.040 one night at Lucy's.
02:12:44.980 Wow.
02:12:45.280 He might have been on stage, too, and then Scott afterwards.
02:12:47.140 He stayed for the whole show.
02:12:48.240 Three.
02:12:48.500 Whoa.
02:12:49.040 One of the worst long 22 comedians in the lineup.
02:12:51.720 A guy named Cornbread.
02:12:53.160 Yeah.
02:12:53.800 Red Bean.
02:12:54.340 Yeah.
02:12:54.740 Red Bean.
02:12:55.620 Dust Muppet.
02:12:56.580 Rude Boy.
02:12:57.360 Yeah.
02:12:59.080 Arteriosclerosis, dude.
02:12:59.680 Look at this black set of twins. 0.99
02:13:02.640 Sheetrock.
02:13:02.920 Oh, no.
02:13:03.180 Actually, he was Greek, I think.
02:13:04.360 Ah, yeah.
02:13:04.880 Arterio was Greek.
02:13:05.660 That sounds more Greek. 1.00
02:13:07.340 Yeah, that was a shit show. 1.00
02:13:08.700 I mean. 1.00
02:13:08.760 And they brought, and then afterwards, Scott said, oh, hey, this is the new quarterback.
02:13:12.280 This is Drew.
02:13:12.960 This is Drew.
02:13:14.000 Wow.
02:13:14.400 So you saw a young Drew.
02:13:15.520 And he was nice.
02:13:16.060 Yeah.
02:13:16.220 He just shook hands.
02:13:16.960 He had on a hat, and nobody knew who he was.
02:13:19.100 Wow.
02:13:19.180 I mean, people knew, but nobody like.
02:13:20.920 Knew, knew.
02:13:21.600 Knew, knew.
02:13:21.980 Knew, yeah.
02:13:22.280 Yeah, yeah. 0.84
02:13:23.600 By the way, it's gotta suck to be Scott Fajita, because everybody's going, Fajita? 0.95
02:13:26.740 Nah, Fajita. 0.95
02:13:27.380 Yeah.
02:13:27.800 Fajita?
02:13:28.280 Fajita.
02:13:29.280 Unless you opened up a restaurant after.
02:13:31.300 Nah, you're sizzling Fajitas. 0.96
02:13:32.880 Yeah.
02:13:33.520 Yeah, that's not bad.
02:13:34.620 Come get these Fajitas in your mouth.
02:13:37.320 I love it.
02:13:38.160 Is there anything better than a Fajita plate?
02:13:39.640 That sizzle coming at you?
02:13:40.800 It comes out, yeah.
02:13:41.720 The piping hot.
02:13:42.780 It's bubbling and crackling, and it's got the smoke.
02:13:46.040 Everybody at the table's jealous. 0.99
02:13:47.160 Like, damn it. 0.99
02:13:47.660 Yeah, I should've got that. 0.99
02:13:49.380 I got the wonton.
02:13:50.680 Yeah, I got enchiladas here.
02:13:52.140 You're sizzling.
02:13:53.660 Yeah, I used to think it was a Mexican birthday cake when they brought it out.
02:13:56.180 I didn't know what was going on.
02:13:57.680 Right.
02:13:58.120 You know?
02:13:58.400 It shows up and you blow on it.
02:13:59.840 Yeah.
02:14:00.560 You make a wish.
02:14:01.720 Yeah.
02:14:03.860 Mark Norman, thanks for coming in, man.
02:14:05.380 Yeah.
02:14:05.500 Are you coming up?
02:14:06.180 Where are you gonna be?
02:14:06.740 Are you coming up in some cool spots?
02:14:07.740 When's this come out?
02:14:08.780 Tomorrow.
02:14:09.500 Oh, great.
02:14:10.120 I'm at the La Jolla Comedy Store tonight.
02:14:12.780 Okay, great.
02:14:13.480 And all weekend, and I'm doing the road, and I'm finally selling tickets for the love of Allah.
02:14:18.760 Jesus.
02:14:19.040 But all my dates are on marknormancomedy.com.
02:14:22.300 Are they?
02:14:22.940 And I've got my own podcast called Tuesdays with Stories.
02:14:26.740 See me in New York.
02:14:27.560 Follow me on Instagram. 1.00
02:14:29.280 Queef, anal, semen. 1.00
02:14:31.060 Go nuts. 1.00
02:14:32.020 We'd love to have you.
02:14:32.780 I'm all over the road this year, so check that website.
02:14:34.880 Well, dude.
02:14:35.120 So yeah, so just don't drive behind him is what he's saying.
02:14:37.580 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:14:38.520 I've been drinking, so be careful out there. 0.99
02:14:40.840 But I'm on a moped, so you'll probably kill me before I kill you. 0.94
02:14:43.460 So you name it, I'm coming, Chicago, Utah, Royal Oak, all the good ones. 0.97
02:14:53.300 Okay.
02:14:54.700 Cool.
02:14:55.320 Thank you guys.
02:14:56.040 Yeah, thank you guys for being here, man.
02:14:57.620 Thanks, Mark.
02:14:58.420 Yeah, it was fun, man.
02:14:59.520 Praise Allah.
02:15:00.060 Yay.
02:15:01.940 Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
02:15:07.960 I must be cornerstone.
02:15:11.140 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.
02:15:18.700 I can feel it in my bones, but it's going to take a little time for me to set that parking
02:15:30.880 brake and let myself unwind.
02:15:34.380 Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories
02:15:44.380 Shine on me And I will find a song I will sing it just for you
02:15:56.380 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll
02:16:16.060 be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to
02:16:20.740 pleasure your partner.
02:16:22.320 The answer may shock you.
02:16:24.040 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
02:16:26.180 Sometimes I won't.
02:16:27.780 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
02:16:30.740 You have three new voice messages.
02:16:33.780 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
02:16:36.640 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
02:16:40.920 So great.
02:16:41.560 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
02:17:00.940 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
02:17:05.260 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
02:17:09.200 Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts, or watch us on YouTube,
02:17:14.640 yeah?
02:17:15.280 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.