This Past Weekend with Theo Von - New Studio ｜ This Past Weekend #78

00:00:00.280 All right, man, you know, coming to you live from that new studio here in Los Angeles, California, the studio formerly known as the Fighter and the Kid Studio.

00:00:12.520 I'm coming for everything. I got that guest of the year and now I got that studio. And what's next?

00:00:19.620 Y'all don't want to give me a title belt? Y'all don't want to give me a coffee mug for winning that G-O-T-Y? Huh, Fighter and the Kid?

00:00:27.180 Well, guess what? Daddy's about to take it all. Let's go.

00:00:40.720 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

00:00:54.040 That's him, baby.

00:00:57.180 Hit that riff, boy.

00:01:06.660 Merry Riffmas.

00:01:07.980 I thought it was Fountain's Mountain.

00:01:17.640 Set me free.

00:01:21.720 Just don't say goodbye.

00:01:23.980 It's that Stevie Starlight.

00:01:27.080 It's you and me.

00:01:28.280 You and me, baby.

00:01:30.280 Enjoy the destination.

00:01:32.660 Nation.

00:01:33.820 Nation.

00:01:35.920 Fantasy.

00:01:38.520 Paint it on the wall.

00:01:40.580 Come on.

00:01:41.880 This is it, baby.

00:01:42.900 Come on, guys.

00:01:43.600 Get up.

00:01:45.020 It's never too late to come over.

00:01:50.800 Woo.

00:01:51.200 Time slips away from you and me now.

00:01:57.940 And that's that Stevie Starlight, man. 0.97

00:02:09.420 And honestly, that song make my crotch just crawl around my body, boy. 0.56

00:02:14.320 That's that song. 1.00

00:02:15.840 You'll find your dick hanging out under your arm. 1.00

00:02:18.940 You know, you'll find your tits mingling down by your ankles. 1.00

00:02:21.440 You know, because they scurried off of your sternum. 0.99

00:02:26.540 And that's that Stevie Starlight.

00:02:28.540 Man, it's just something about that song.

00:02:29.880 It just, you know, and I got reminded because I got this message on social media this week.

00:02:35.040 Here's the message.

00:02:36.260 Hey, Theo.

00:02:36.980 25-year-old long-haul truck driver out of Kentucky.

00:02:41.120 Which, to me, out of the gate seemed very alarming.

00:02:43.860 A 25-year-old driving Big Rig out of the K-Tuck, boy.

00:02:48.940 Woo.

00:02:50.280 I hope you got collision.

00:02:53.280 Just want to say thanks for helping me get my swag back.

00:02:56.340 I now bump that Stevie Starlight. 0.87

00:02:58.440 If you ever see a trucker with no shirt and his nipples pierced, 0.92

00:03:02.080 don't be surprised to hear that Stevie Starlight. 0.85

00:03:06.420 And man, when you sent me that message, whoever that was.

00:03:09.160 It might have been on Instagram.

00:03:10.720 When you sent me that message, you just, I mean, you filled me up, baby.

00:03:15.080 You really did.

00:03:15.780 To come over.

00:03:17.940 It's never too late to come over.

00:03:21.600 Why must we wait when we're alive?

00:03:27.320 You heard that line?

00:03:28.840 Why must we wait when we are alive?

00:03:32.980 That's Stevie Starlight, guys.

00:03:35.080 It is March 5.

00:03:37.920 March 5.

00:03:38.980 Monday, March 5 in the year 2017.

00:03:40.880 And I'm in the new studio, boy.

00:03:47.320 Look, I mean, and if you're looking on the YouTube, you see the new studio,

00:03:50.260 it probably looks familiar.

00:03:52.040 Because the fighter and the kid, and that is a very popular podcast with two men,

00:03:57.720 Mr. Brian Callens.

00:03:59.180 And he is the kid, even though he is an adult.

00:04:03.620 He's very, he's double the age of a legal adult.

00:04:07.240 And then the other man is named Brendan Schaub.

00:04:09.440 And he is a, he's like an Instagram model who, you know, he's also like a spokesperson and he used to wrestle.

00:04:18.320 And these men are, they have a phenomenal podcast and it's called the fighter and the kid.

00:04:24.980 And, uh, and I've been on there and now here I am back in their old studio, their studio, they moved up.

00:04:33.120 They're accelerating.

00:04:34.740 You know, they're taking things to that extra level and they got a bigger space and their, their old space was available.

00:04:40.640 And, you know, a little bit of homage to them.

00:04:44.900 I said, you know, I'm gonna take the space.

00:04:47.200 So I took over that lease.

00:04:48.860 I want to thank you to my Patreoners who have been supportive.

00:04:51.160 You guys, if it weren't for you guys, we would not be in this new position.

00:04:54.000 And this is going to be, uh, this is going to be our new home for this past weekend right here.

00:04:59.420 So we've got a real place.

00:05:00.680 We're going to be able to have hopefully guests come in and not have to do this in my, in, in my kitchen.

00:05:05.680 You know, not have to do this in the, in the dining room.

00:05:09.380 Um, cause I, it was just getting hectic.

00:05:11.740 You know, my windows were all covered up to keep the light, you know, equal in the, in the apartment.

00:05:15.940 And it was just getting wild.

00:05:17.600 And so this would give me a chance to, you know, to, uh, to this, to have a space that's, that's for us.

00:05:26.040 And man, it does feel good immediately.

00:05:28.380 I mean, and look, we're going to decorate it different.

00:05:30.340 I know if you're seeing it, they still have a lot of fire and they have like their woodwork on the back wall and this beautiful portrait of Venice on one of the walls.

00:05:36.940 Uh, and you know, some things are going to change and things are going to get adjusted.

00:05:41.180 But I mean, this is honestly, personally, this one, the kind of the bravest things I've ever done, you know, cause part of me, you know, the podcast, it was just starting to make a, make a little bit of money.

00:05:54.640 You know, just starting to have a little bit of extra money in the account at the end of each month to, you know, go out there and get a pack of snow cones, you know, or find a couple of local children and buy, buy them a, um, you know, a box of, uh, you know, chocolate cones or, you know, a box of sugar snaps or something.

00:06:13.980 Um, but now, but I had to say, well, look, I can try and advance it and take that extra step.

00:06:20.400 And that's what I did.

00:06:21.300 I took that extra step.

00:06:22.960 And for me, it's just brave, man. 0.98

00:06:24.640 I, you know, I'm the guy I grew up in that, you know, I grew up in, you know, where if you had something, you fucking had it.

00:06:31.620 Everything I had was hidden growing up.

00:06:34.160 You ever do that, man?

00:06:35.860 As soon as groceries would come to the house, hide, hide that, hide that.

00:06:39.940 My mom come up, woke me up one morning. 0.99

00:06:43.020 She's like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:06:43.860 You up here sleeping with a half gallon of milk? 1.00

00:06:46.860 I said, gang, gang, mama, you know, gang, gang.

00:06:52.320 Cause it, you know, that was just it.

00:06:53.860 Whenever it came in, you would get it cause you wanted to have your stuff.

00:06:57.500 You needed, you needed things to be yours.

00:07:00.160 And, uh, and you were just scared, you know, you working, living from that place of fear.

00:07:03.840 And so, you know, to be here today and, you know, and, and, and having, you know, some listenership and moving up.

00:07:13.740 I mean, that's what we're doing.

00:07:14.700 We're just going onward.

00:07:16.360 You know what I'm saying?

00:07:17.120 Because it's never too late, baby.

00:07:18.840 You heard him.

00:07:30.280 It's never too late to come over, to come over to the side of, you know what?

00:07:34.140 Let's do this next step.

00:07:35.840 Let's accelerate.

00:07:37.840 And we got a couple of calls.

00:07:39.000 People knew, you know, I put the YouTube video up last week.

00:07:41.660 That's why there wasn't a Thursday episode.

00:07:42.960 Cause things had to be moved here.

00:07:44.820 I was at a wedding all weekend in New Orleans and visiting my family.

00:07:49.460 You know, we took the girls out to the dinosaur, uh, extravaganza or something out there.

00:07:55.860 You know, we, uh, we got, got a box of Jimmy John's from mom and Mr. Charlie from the war.

00:08:02.780 You know, he was in a war and he's still, you know, mentally he's always going to bed.

00:08:07.140 I mean, we're driving down the highway and my mom's husband is sitting in the shotgun seat and he's,

00:08:13.480 you know, firing invisible guns at people as we're passing down the highway.

00:08:18.240 You know, he's still, he's flashing back and he's allowed to do that.

00:08:22.220 You know, he's in his eighties.

00:08:23.720 So he's allowed to, you know, he's allowed to stretch out a little bit mentally, 0.65

00:08:27.940 but he starts, you know, sending in other troops and shit like that. 0.55

00:08:32.700 When we're turning corners, it gets a little, it gets a little real. 0.93

00:08:36.960 I mean, it gets a little bit call of duty.

00:08:38.580 If they had call of duty, but you could pick a character who's like 80 years old and,

00:08:42.720 you know, wears a hat with like a bunch of, uh,

00:08:45.740 World War II and Revolutionary War pins on the, on the hat, on the brim of it,

00:08:50.700 then that would be him.

00:08:52.280 And that's Mr. Charlie.

00:08:53.480 And he was in the war and that's my mother's husband.

00:08:58.080 So I spent time there and we did all that.

00:09:00.120 A couple of calls came in, man, and I'm gonna play them just real fast right here.

00:09:03.020 And these are just about the, uh, about the new studio.

00:09:04.840 Here we go.

00:09:05.320 Hey, brother.

00:09:06.880 Congratulate, uh, on the new studio. 0.99

00:09:09.260 It looks cool as shit. 0.97

00:09:10.900 Uh, yeah. 0.98

00:09:12.920 You know, congratulations.

00:09:14.680 Gang, gang, onward, all that good stuff.

00:09:16.680 But, uh, man, don't, don't change your style, brother.

00:09:20.440 People love listening to you flow and, you know, do your little, uh, do your thing.

00:09:24.660 And it ain't little, man.

00:09:25.480 I'm sorry to mean to say that, dude. 0.99

00:09:26.720 I'm being a punk motherfucker today. 0.99

00:09:28.420 But, uh, you know, it's do your thing, man. 0.99

00:09:30.740 It's amazing. 1.00

00:09:31.440 Not everybody can do that shit. 1.00

00:09:32.900 Do it the way you do it. 1.00

00:09:33.920 So, stay true to yourself.

00:09:36.820 Well, I appreciate that, man.

00:09:38.160 And you weren't being a punk.

00:09:39.280 You know, I feel that sometimes, too, if I use a certain adverb or adjective.

00:09:42.740 You know, that, uh, that I'm being offensive sometimes or whatever.

00:09:47.200 But, no, man, this is a little thing.

00:09:48.760 It is.

00:09:49.440 You know, it's just a little thing.

00:09:50.700 Um, and, uh, and I'm excited.

00:09:54.200 And we took a little step forward.

00:09:55.720 And so, that's what we're doing.

00:09:56.840 And I appreciate that, man.

00:09:58.320 You know, I appreciate you making the call.

00:09:59.640 You decided to call and say congratulations to somebody else.

00:10:02.700 And, man, if we all, if everybody did that every day, if everybody was giving a call and

00:10:08.080 getting a call to somebody else to say, look, way to go.

00:10:12.880 For anything.

00:10:14.060 I don't care if somebody just took a deep breath. 0.99

00:10:16.720 Or if somebody won a fucking gold medal. 0.99

00:10:18.940 If everybody was dropping that call, man. 0.99

00:10:22.320 I think we'd all, all be feeling good.

00:10:25.780 Um, but I appreciate that.

00:10:27.240 You know, I appreciate that.

00:10:28.600 One more call right there.

00:10:29.680 Theo Vaughn.

00:10:30.360 Theo Vaughn.

00:10:31.320 Everybody loves some Theo Vaughn.

00:10:33.520 Hey, man, that's a Denny shooter.

00:10:35.760 And this, that Denny shooter right here.

00:10:37.200 This gentleman called in a while back and he had, uh, shot up a Denny.

00:10:40.240 He had been, um, um, a passenger in a car that shot up a Denny's.

00:10:44.420 Go on.

00:10:45.180 I just saw your video about your new studio.

00:10:48.440 Congratulations, my man.

00:10:50.540 Congratulations.

00:10:51.400 I'm proud of you.

00:10:52.480 Thank you for everything you do.

00:10:54.020 You're amazing.

00:10:55.380 We all love you.

00:10:56.580 Can't wait to hear from you.

00:10:58.300 Okay.

00:10:58.880 Well, you inflate my ego there at the end.

00:11:00.760 But, uh, you know, I, I appreciate the sentiment.

00:11:03.340 Um, and I am excited.

00:11:04.780 I'm excited because it just gives us a space.

00:11:06.980 It's almost like having a home.

00:11:09.660 You know, it's almost like, it's almost like having a home.

00:11:13.600 That's what it feels like a little bit.

00:11:15.660 You know, uh, uh, Chris Perez, he was working, you know, he came yesterday and got all the

00:11:21.380 stuff out of my apartment and brought it over here, you know, and he's out here side kicking

00:11:25.460 and helping out and, and, and it was, you know, I wanted to make a video before I left the old

00:11:33.340 studio and just like a, you know, a little, a sentimental kind of thing.

00:11:37.340 Cause I always been a scrapbooker, you know, low key.

00:11:40.480 Honestly, I always have been a scrapbooker.

00:11:42.900 I've always collected little pieces of this and that and put them away somewhere, you know,

00:11:47.460 because I think I was afraid growing up that I didn't, you know, I just, uh, well, I think

00:11:54.760 my dad was so old that he didn't remember anything.

00:11:57.480 You know, my dad didn't remember anything.

00:11:59.600 I mean, my dad was born in 1910.

00:12:01.780 His father was born in 1880.

00:12:03.460 My grandfather was born in 1880.

00:12:05.720 So my dad, by the time I met him in 19, you know, born in 80, but, you know, probably

00:12:11.880 started talking to him in about 85, 86, 87.

00:12:15.000 He didn't really remember that much from being a kid, you know?

00:12:17.820 So part of me, I wanted to save little pieces of everything so that when I have a child one

00:12:22.340 day that they will, you know, if something happens where I can't remember that they'll

00:12:26.480 at least be able to have little things that'll, you know, little, uh, breadcrumbs that'll help 0.92

00:12:31.720 them kind of Hansel and Gretel through my past and, uh, and, and this, and fuck, what 0.98

00:12:40.820 was I saying? 0.99

00:12:43.420 Jesus, dude, I might be, I don't know what this is called.

00:12:47.280 Amnete?

00:12:47.740 No, not emphasis.

00:12:49.820 I don't know what this is, man, but I just, this always happens to me. 0.90

00:12:52.600 I start talking and I can't fucking remember what I'm talking about. 0.87

00:12:56.360 Oh, man, that makes me mad. 1.00

00:13:01.000 But anyhow, man, fuck it, bro. 1.00

00:13:03.180 Whatever, dude. 1.00

00:13:04.260 Thanks for calling.

00:13:05.000 That guy shot up at Denny's with some people and, um, and you know, on where we go.

00:13:09.680 Oh, it feels like a home now.

00:13:12.000 You know, it feels like a home.

00:13:13.840 And I always, you know, I saved little pieces of, uh, growing up and everything and scrapbooked.

00:13:17.900 I've always been a scrapbooker.

00:13:19.100 So I wanted to have that video of myself in the old studio, the last moments, you know,

00:13:22.920 just kind of, you know, a farewell little video, but you know, I didn't do it.

00:13:28.140 Um, and, uh, Chris, the sidekick was like, look, man, I can help you get, you know, stuff

00:13:33.280 out of there while you're out of town.

00:13:34.660 And I said, all right, man, go in there, you know, go into my place and get, and I get

00:13:38.700 over here and things are halfway set up and we're going to evolve.

00:13:42.120 Look, this is a, and I want to know what do you guys want to see in the studio?

00:13:46.240 So if you want to hit up on Twitter, if you want to hit up on, um, Instagram, put in the

00:13:51.420 comments on YouTube, what do you kind of want to see in the studio?

00:13:54.280 Cause I have some ideas, you know, we're going to do some things, but if there's one or two

00:13:58.200 things you want to see, you know, or an idea that you have, I'm certainly open to it.

00:14:03.020 You know, we have to figure out what the best format is for like interviewing guests, you

00:14:07.980 know, how to do it.

00:14:08.860 Do you sit somebody over there?

00:14:10.220 Do you sit across from them?

00:14:11.740 How am I going to feel most comfortable?

00:14:13.160 You know, I can't even record with somebody in the studio right now.

00:14:17.160 That's where I'm at.

00:14:18.960 So I'm that shape, you know, I'm that, I'm that kennel cat that's corralling in a corner.

00:14:23.180 You know, I'm that kennel cat that's correct that, you know, that, that was raised by,

00:14:27.340 you know, a couple of shotguns, you know, he got a shotgun for a daddy and a shotgun for

00:14:31.520 a mama.

00:14:33.340 Cause if you go into like a kennel, sometimes you see, you see, you see a couple cats and they're 0.99

00:14:37.620 hugging, you know, they might've one cat who's fucking, you know, jerking off or who, you know, 1.00

00:14:44.960 maybe you have a cat who's like kind of, you know, disguised his own tail, like a dick and 1.00

00:14:49.800 is like, you know, jerking it off or something or, you know, letting another chick kind of 1.00

00:14:54.780 taste, touch it or taste it or something. 0.50

00:14:57.120 But then you got the, and you got other cats that are juggling.

00:15:00.460 You got a couple of cats playing soccer or whatever. 0.94

00:15:02.740 You got a cat that's got fleas do, but a couple of other chick cats are still fucking with him 1.00

00:15:06.840 cause he's got money. 0.55

00:15:08.360 But then you have that one cat over in the corner and he's, he's a little bit scared,

00:15:13.080 you know, he's got his back.

00:15:14.580 He has to have, he's, he picks a corner because he has to have his back against two walls.

00:15:19.200 Some of us, we, we, the only place we can survive is with our back against the wall and this

00:15:23.620 little kitten, he got to have his back against two walls.

00:15:27.500 And, uh, and he, he, he, you know, he, he can only feel, you know, he can only feel

00:15:32.880 energetic right there in that, in that intersection.

00:15:36.300 And, um, and that's, that, you know, that's me, man, raised by shotguns, you know, that,

00:15:43.220 you know, I, I just, uh, I feel better if nobody's in, if nobody's in the room with me,

00:15:47.860 it just makes me feel I'm more comfortable.

00:15:50.740 And I guess it makes me feel like I'm with you as opposed to if somebody's here in the

00:15:54.380 room, then I'm here with them.

00:15:56.500 You know, and we might try to do something more like that on the Thursday episodes,

00:15:59.320 but, but here we are, man, we're in the new studio and I want to say thank you so much.

00:16:04.260 You know, we hit the patron goal, uh, this, um, on March 1st of a thousand bucks and that

00:16:10.980 got us into the studio.

00:16:11.960 So I'm just super grateful.

00:16:14.660 And, uh, I just can't believe this is happening.

00:16:16.600 You know, we're making, we're making something cool and I'm, you know, I'm trying to delve

00:16:20.600 into this and just this, this, this shouldn't get more real and stay in the pocket and see

00:16:24.580 what's going on.

00:16:26.040 You know, and like that man said, that called in, he said, don't change your style, you know,

00:16:29.660 and I, and I'm going to try not to do that.

00:16:33.040 So I went to a, I went to a wedding this weekend.

00:16:38.000 I went to spend time with my family, you know, and I went down to Louisiana.

00:16:41.980 We had a good time.

00:16:43.740 You know, we had a good time down in Louisiana.

00:16:45.080 And my mother was down there and her, you know, they got, they had a dead animal in the

00:16:49.140 house.

00:16:50.240 And so, um, you know, my mom didn't want me coming over because she don't like having

00:16:56.360 me over, I guess if they got dead animals in the attic and I don't know what kind of

00:17:02.060 animal it was. 0.96

00:17:02.560 It wasn't anything exciting, you know, it wasn't like a fucking links or anything like that 0.99

00:17:07.960 or a Louisiana black bear. 0.95

00:17:09.280 It was probably a, you know, basic animal, a bird that got stuck in there, raccoon, possum,

00:17:18.520 some just run of the mill, straight up gutter animal, you know, I mean, raccoons are basically

00:17:23.640 the homeless people of the animal kingdom. 0.98

00:17:25.740 When you really think about it, the bitches out there at night struggling, they're dressed 1.00

00:17:30.580 up like burglars, basic ass burglars, dude, they're dressed up, they're not even dressed 1.00

00:17:35.120 up like real, like classy new burglars. 1.00

00:17:37.640 They're dressed up like, like, like just the fucking most basic burglars that you would 0.98

00:17:43.020 see in, uh, like in a movie from like the forties or something, you know, they're dressed 0.99

00:17:50.620 up like just fake ass hamburglars. 0.94

00:17:53.280 That's what they look like. 0.99

00:17:55.060 And, you know, so probably one of them dead in the attic or whatever, blah, blah, blah.

00:18:01.280 What else, man?

00:18:02.240 We took the girl, I took, got a box of sandwiches.

00:18:04.720 You know, I hit up that Jimmy John and got a box of sandwiches from my mother and she

00:18:10.660 never had a Jimmy John sandwich.

00:18:12.860 And man, the thing about you get something from my mom and it's new.

00:18:15.780 She never had it, dude.

00:18:16.760 She'll ask you a million questions.

00:18:19.560 Oh, wonder where this bread is from.

00:18:21.860 Oh, uh, who's it named after? 0.98

00:18:23.980 Uh, I don't fucking know. 0.98

00:18:27.900 Jimmy John. 0.98

00:18:30.040 I don't know.

00:18:31.860 Some dude who got two names for the first name. 1.00

00:18:36.140 So man, it just, shit was heavy, man. 0.99

00:18:39.760 You know, and that's when I just, I got to learn to practice some patience, man. 0.99

00:18:42.920 You know, my mom asked me stuff sometimes.

00:18:46.220 It just takes me back to when I was a kid and my mom would nag on me immediately.

00:18:50.320 I go inside.

00:18:51.120 I just go right there.

00:18:53.220 And I'm just that frustrated kid, you know, next thing you know, I'm, you know, off hanging

00:18:58.140 out behind a Jimmy John's with a couple of 14 year old dishwashers smoking cigarettes,

00:19:02.980 you know, trying to get my feelings out of my body, trying to get my angry feelings

00:19:06.620 out of my body.

00:19:07.840 But we went, uh, what else do we do, man?

00:19:11.740 I spent time with my nieces and my nephews, man.

00:19:14.720 I'm, you know, I'm really lucky, man.

00:19:17.460 You know, I really, you know, I, uh, I feel really lucky to, I guess it's like, you know,

00:19:28.480 I feel lucky to be around children and, you know, be somebody that people trust.

00:19:38.800 And that might sound crazy, but I grew in my neighborhood when I was growing up, dude,

00:19:42.440 you would, you know what I'm saying?

00:19:43.680 If you didn't like, there's always that thing, stay away from strangers. 0.98

00:19:46.560 But in some instance, in some neighborhoods, everybody's a fucking stranger or everybody 0.97

00:19:50.400 acts like it a little bit or people are always kind of showing up or passing through and 0.98

00:19:53.620 you don't know, you know, and you'd even be over by your friend's house and their uncle 0.87

00:19:58.640 or aunt would be over or their step uncle or somebody who was fucking somebody. 0.91

00:20:04.380 And you, you know, you're not that you could, their parents would tell you, look, y'all 0.90

00:20:08.320 can play hide and seek, but don't let, you know, uncle Mark find you. 0.99

00:20:13.240 And you're like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:20:15.540 Well, maybe we shouldn't play. 1.00

00:20:16.960 And they'd be like, nah, nah, y'all play.

00:20:18.580 Like what?

00:20:19.440 And we were, you know, it's just like, but I guess I feel a lot, you know, I feel fortunate

00:20:24.680 to be that family member that I'm cool.

00:20:26.120 You know, I'm good.

00:20:26.980 I'm okay around the kids.

00:20:28.500 You know, they trust me to take the kids.

00:20:30.220 You know, I can drive, you know, I drove my, my niece and nephews 30, 40, I can drive

00:20:34.480 them, you know, and I guess, uh, I don't know.

00:20:38.660 My mom always worried.

00:20:39.580 My dad was so old, man.

00:20:40.840 My mom always worried about him anytime he would drive us, you know, that's that risk

00:20:45.340 you take.

00:20:47.280 That's that risk boy.

00:20:49.800 You know, my dad, I mean, there was no, that dude, he couldn't turn his neck.

00:20:54.500 He could not turn his neck, man.

00:20:57.820 And so we tell him, I remember being five years old at the most and telling him which

00:21:03.900 way, if the light was red or green and you know how easy you could mess that up when you're 0.99

00:21:08.900 a kid, you don't fucking know. 0.95

00:21:10.900 The only way you even know red and green is cause you've been through four Christmases. 0.98

00:21:15.800 So I remember being five years old and having no idea, you know, I remember one time he

00:21:21.260 had to look down this highway and I remember standing on his leg, putting both of my feet

00:21:24.760 on the side of his leg, grabbing on his chin and his heart cause his neck was just so tight.

00:21:29.180 That's why he couldn't turn it.

00:21:30.900 You know, and he's 76, 75 years old at this time and just pulling on his chin, leaning

00:21:35.760 out away from his leg.

00:21:37.720 Just as hard as I could.

00:21:39.140 Just like, you know, like you're hanging off the side of a boat, like holding onto a rope

00:21:43.300 or something.

00:21:44.460 I just remember, you know, trying to turn his neck over to the right so he could see

00:21:48.260 down this highway. 1.00

00:21:50.240 Just a bunch of fucking Muppet work. 1.00

00:21:53.200 Just a bunch of Muppet work, man, being young. 0.99

00:21:56.800 And that, uh, you know, it was just, you know, so it was nice just to be around family and

00:22:02.720 be around kids and make jokes with my nephews and just, I don't know, man, there's a lot

00:22:07.340 of, I never, you know, I've always found joy in that, but I never found as much joy as

00:22:12.100 I did this time for some reason.

00:22:14.560 And maybe it's because they're getting a little bit older.

00:22:16.900 You know, a two or three year old, you know, when you hear something about their, you know,

00:22:21.440 you hear something bad happens to a child, you understand it.

00:22:23.820 You don't understand it.

00:22:25.020 It's whack, you know?

00:22:26.420 But if you, if you, one day if a parent were like, you know what? 1.00

00:22:30.080 I fucking dropped my two year old off in the fucking woods, dude. 1.00

00:22:32.840 Gave him a tent, gave him an igu cooler, a couple of little lanterns and say, fuck you, 1.00

00:22:36.740 bro. 1.00

00:22:37.660 I would almost understand that from a parent.

00:22:40.420 I would almost be like, you know what?

00:22:42.500 I could understand that because kids at that age, man, they're just, they just cracked out

00:22:47.800 the egg.

00:22:48.200 They don't know what, they don't even have any idea what's going on.

00:22:52.280 So it's nice to be around when they're a little bit older, man, and we can play games and just

00:22:55.980 do fun stuff.

00:22:56.700 We could joke around.

00:22:57.740 They tell me jokes, you know, we just had fun, man.

00:23:00.880 And they had cat in the hat day at school.

00:23:02.520 So, and, um, one of my namesakes, my dad told me it was, uh, Dr. Seuss's real name

00:23:08.840 was Theodore.

00:23:10.140 And he, you know, he told me that that was a name that he had, that influenced him and

00:23:14.280 naming me, Theodore Giesel, March 2nd.

00:23:17.380 That's when he was born.

00:23:18.140 Theodore Giesel, Dr. Seuss. 0.99

00:23:20.220 And so they had Dr. Seuss day at that little school, preschool and shit. 0.99

00:23:24.640 And I'm rolling up there with my little nephew and he's probably, fuck, I don't know, man. 0.99

00:23:28.200 He might be four. 0.98

00:23:29.560 I don't know.

00:23:30.560 I mean, he's real small.

00:23:32.060 You know, if he were, I mean, he definitely looks like a kid.

00:23:35.560 He looked, you know, you know, he's a kid when you see him, you don't think he's like

00:23:38.060 a little adult, like a little, you know, like a midget or something with gigantism.

00:23:41.960 You think he's a child, but he, uh, whatever he was dressed up like cat in the hat.

00:23:46.960 And we go to the kid's school and all these kids, man, are running around dressed like 0.97

00:23:49.980 the Grinch and thing one and fucking one kid dressed up like Rudolph. 0.99

00:23:55.180 Some kid that fucked it up. 1.00

00:23:57.380 Everybody's cat in the hat. 0.97

00:23:58.320 And this dude is Rudolph, man. 0.92

00:24:01.000 What the hell, man?

00:24:04.640 So, but it was Southern Louisiana at its finest, dude.

00:24:07.620 We went out to some exhibit thing, took my niece to some dinosaur field. 0.98

00:24:11.960 Fair and they got all these inflatable dinosaurs and kids getting head lice and shit. 0.93

00:24:17.560 Some kid vomited on the slide and stuff. 0.99

00:24:20.860 You got some, two adults fucking beating each other with corn dogs, with hard corn dogs off 0.99

00:24:27.020 in the distance. 1.00

00:24:28.920 Just, I mean, and people are short as fuck. 0.99

00:24:32.900 Do you get out there to South Louisiana, man? 0.99

00:24:34.640 Some of these people, everybody look like they should be a jockey on a horse.

00:24:39.100 Everybody look like they're that height that they maybe, maybe rode there on a horse. 0.94

00:24:44.240 Like you got a, I bet you got a 6% chance that people fucking giddy up to get there. 0.54

00:24:50.700 And everybody, I mean, just looks, I don't know.

00:24:54.920 Everybody looked the same.

00:24:55.760 Like it would seem like they were just, you know, they had a small hat full of genetics

00:25:00.020 and there was only a couple jeans in there and you got to pick one of those out of the hat.

00:25:03.900 You know, they had some real just, I mean, I'm not, look, I'm, I'm, there's one thing

00:25:09.940 to look wild, you know, there's one thing maybe you born with three legs or something.

00:25:15.120 You know what?

00:25:15.600 I'm nothing special.

00:25:16.540 I'm a healthy eight.

00:25:17.480 I'm an eight.

00:25:18.660 You know, I got a big nose.

00:25:20.320 I got a gender neutral hairstyle.

00:25:22.160 I got a short neck.

00:25:23.420 I got medium arms.

00:25:24.500 I'm miss, you know, I'm coming in lackluster in a lot of places. 0.96

00:25:27.360 I got the butt of a, of a young black girl with Down syndrome. 0.96

00:25:31.880 You know, I got them hips like that. 1.00

00:25:33.400 I got them, you know, I got that DS booty, you know, but when you start mixing genetics 0.77

00:25:40.040 and you start mixing, matching, you know, the TGAC and all that shit that's supposed to

00:25:44.640 be in the cells and you start crisscrossing things up.

00:25:48.140 I mean, they had some people just the traveling Wilburys of genetics, you know, you expecting

00:25:52.820 some Roy Orbison or you expecting, but then you get a little bit of everything and you're

00:25:57.220 like, damn, I didn't know all these, uh, band members played together. 0.64

00:26:00.000 And suddenly they did. 0.99

00:26:01.660 And that's what you got with some of the genetics down there.

00:26:04.300 You know, you got them traveling Wilburys and who was in that band, dude.

00:26:08.580 My mother used to listen to that band when I was growing up all the time.

00:26:11.720 George Harrison, Tom Petty, Bob Dylan, Roy Orbison, Jeff Lynn, Jeff Keltner.

00:26:18.120 Can you go listen to the traveling Wilburys if you never listened to them and you love music,

00:26:21.920 but that, but that's kind of what you think.

00:26:24.940 You're like, oh yeah, somebody put too many, uh, too many band members in this band.

00:26:30.540 And that's what you get.

00:26:31.560 I mean, you get, you saw a dude, I saw a dude out there spitting in the air, catching in

00:26:35.200 his mouth.

00:26:36.560 Like that's not, uh, and that's like, it's kind of like juggling, I guess, but it's not.

00:26:42.800 But we had fun, man.

00:26:43.980 You know, we just took the kids out and you know, just nice to be, I don't know, man. 0.98

00:26:50.380 Maybe I'm fucking growing up a little. 0.93

00:26:52.040 It was nice just to be, you know, they came to me if the kids want, you know, they, they 0.98

00:26:58.640 wanted somebody to watch them do this or they want, you know, uh, they need help with something

00:27:03.480 or they, you know, they come and ask the dog and they know I may, you know, they know, I

00:27:10.040 guess they start to know in themselves that they, that I'm reliable.

00:27:13.800 And so I guess in a weird way, man, it's the first time that I felt like, uh, maybe that's

00:27:21.120 it.

00:27:21.260 Maybe it's like the first time that I felt like reliable, you know, in my life.

00:27:24.640 Um, so I don't know, man, it's shaking.

00:27:31.380 This new, this new studio got me emotional in here, dude.

00:27:34.060 That's Brendan Schaub right there.

00:27:36.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:27:36.860 That dude is, he, he, he getting kind of emo.

00:27:39.100 He got on $90 socks the other day.

00:27:42.120 Yeah, that's $45 a foot.

00:27:45.060 It's a foot, Brendan Schaub, not a wallet.

00:27:48.040 Each foot ain't supposed to be worth a high amount of money.

00:27:52.080 That's $45 a foot.

00:27:54.640 But it felt good to be with family, man.

00:27:56.680 It felt good.

00:27:57.780 You know, it's hard being a family member.

00:28:00.720 You know, it's hard, especially you didn't have, I didn't have practice growing up.

00:28:03.520 So when I get in it now, son, gang, gang, but we're in the new studio and I'm grateful.

00:28:10.560 A lot of people was asking about I see Mike, you know, I was on, uh, Joey Diaz's podcast

00:28:14.840 last week, the church of what's happening now.

00:28:17.940 And if you don't have an uncle or you don't have a big brother or are you on, are your husband's

00:28:24.280 a straight up wuss, go, go listen to the church of what's happening now.

00:28:30.040 You know, Joey Diaz does a special thing and I don't, and I don't know if it's part of his

00:28:33.580 plan or not, but he has this weird ability.

00:28:36.040 No, it's not weird.

00:28:37.160 I'm sorry.

00:28:37.540 That's not the word.

00:28:38.300 Um, he has this ability to, uh, just to make you feel, he just cares, man.

00:28:48.040 He cares about a lot of people and the, and you feel that when you go in there, you feel

00:28:52.080 that when you go in there and, uh, and I'm just grateful.

00:28:54.700 We had a great time in there, but people were asking about I see Mike and this man, I see

00:28:58.540 Mike was this man when I was growing up in my neighborhood that had this dude, I see,

00:29:01.680 I see Mike and he would always get these, what he would get water from different parts

00:29:08.100 of the country and he'd freeze it at his house.

00:29:11.640 And so in a summertime, you know, in a summertime, we'd go over to his house and have different

00:29:17.340 types of ice from different places.

00:29:19.840 You know, when he had, you know, he'd have all kinds of stuff, you know, salt water, brackish,

00:29:24.420 um, you know, he'd have, uh, you know, something that had a little too much mercury in it, you 0.97

00:29:29.280 know, some illegal shit. 0.95

00:29:30.680 He'd have some Lake Mead, a little bit of, you know, um, uh, Gulf of Mexico. 0.99

00:29:35.780 That's, you know, that's easy when you have different river, you know, uh, the Chifuncta,

00:29:39.340 the Choctaw, um, I remember one year he got a couple of buckets of the Colorado and he would

00:29:44.320 freeze it into chunks and we'd go over to his house and eat it and kind of, you know, it was

00:29:48.640 like a little vacation.

00:29:49.980 It was like a little bit of a vacation because some people got to travel a lot.

00:29:53.460 And when I grew up, you weren't traveling anywhere.

00:29:56.020 Dude, nobody took it, man.

00:29:57.080 I remember this pedophile dude or this truckers, long haul trucker, put me and my buddy, uh,

00:30:02.940 Michael and Michael had some deficiencies. 0.94

00:30:05.300 He had extra salivary glands in his face and he used to leak out of his mouth.

00:30:09.840 And he had a sitting in his truck playing a game, playing a game of how many Tootsie

00:30:14.300 Rolls could we each put in our mouths, dude.

00:30:18.000 And at a certain, at a young age, you think it's just a fun game, you know?

00:30:22.660 And he, you know, and I'm putting some in Mike's mouth.

00:30:25.060 He has us putting them in each other's mouth, you know, and we, we don't, we don't have

00:30:28.520 an idea.

00:30:28.960 We're children, you know, we 11 year old children.

00:30:32.640 And so we sitting in the cab of this 18 wheeler putting that this dude that we met off of

00:30:37.440 a CB radio, this man showed up in the neighborhood off of a ham radio. 0.88

00:30:40.960 And this dude pulls up next thing, you know, me and fucking drippy Mike are sitting in

00:30:46.200 this, uh, Michael, Michael, I don't know if I want to say the boy's name, but he, uh, but 0.60

00:30:52.000 anyhow, he, um, this man had us putting, uh, putting, uh, Tootsie Rolls in each other's

00:30:59.540 mouths and counting how many we could get into each other's mouth. 0.99

00:31:01.940 And I'm not saying something's wrong with that, but I'm saying something's wrong with

00:31:06.020 that. 0.99

00:31:07.780 You fricking creep. 0.99

00:31:09.820 I hope that man just, I don't know. 1.00

00:31:11.220 I hope something bad happened to that man.

00:31:12.680 Cause you're not supposed to do that.

00:31:14.240 And that's the kind of thing. 0.99

00:31:15.260 See, I'm not doing that kind of shit with kids. 1.00

00:31:16.660 I'm not out there playing stupid games with candy. 1.00

00:31:18.820 You know, I'm a safe, reliable person around children and family. 0.99

00:31:23.600 And this man had me and fucking, uh, drippy Mike, Michael putting these in each other's 0.99

00:31:27.740 mouths, man. 0.99

00:31:28.520 And Michael, little Michael put about, man, this dude had, I think he probably put about

00:31:34.660 17 in his mouth.

00:31:36.480 I put about 11 in and he put about six in himself. 1.00

00:31:39.520 And I tell you, this truck driver sitting there probably hard as fuck, dude. 1.00

00:31:43.820 Cause that dude was probably a damn creep. 1.00

00:31:46.340 But thank God, man. 0.99

00:31:47.680 Uh, this other, this guy named Clint, you know, like, like kind of like clit, but with an 0.99

00:31:53.000 end, Clint, he came and, um, he whooped that man's ass when he saw that man had us in his 0.99

00:31:59.720 truck cab. 0.99

00:32:00.680 And I'm thankful to that man.

00:32:02.160 And that was, uh, I'm pretty grateful for that.

00:32:06.180 But yeah, this, but anyhow, this dude, I see Mike would have us over to have different

00:32:09.560 ices, you know, for, cause when you were young, you didn't travel much.

00:32:12.580 And what I was saying was that trucker that picked up me and this other kid, Michael

00:32:16.140 drippy, Michael, he used to, uh, he, he offered to take us to Florida.

00:32:21.620 And when I was growing up, Florida was the only place to go.

00:32:25.880 When you grew up in Louisiana, if you met somebody who'd been to Colorado or something, that didn't

00:32:31.660 make any sense to you.

00:32:32.880 You're like, what?

00:32:33.780 How did sure guy.

00:32:35.500 Okay.

00:32:36.380 Okay.

00:32:36.840 Sure.

00:32:37.440 Buzz Aldrin.

00:32:38.300 Sure.

00:32:38.620 You went to Colorado, but if, cause the only place to go growing up in the South was

00:32:43.220 Florida.

00:32:43.960 That was it.

00:32:44.980 Where have you been at Florida?

00:32:47.060 Where are you headed?

00:32:47.940 Florida.

00:32:48.300 If you saw somebody that come back from school, came up from summer break and they

00:32:52.220 had a t-shirt on that said Florida on it with a picture of the sun, a picture of a, of a

00:32:57.260 palm tree and a beach and a little sunset.

00:33:01.700 Good chance. 0.99

00:33:02.460 Whoever was wearing that was going to do some fucking that year. 0.99

00:33:05.360 Cause that's a, that shirt shows that they have been somewhere. 0.99

00:33:08.060 They have been traveling. 0.99

00:33:10.000 You see some of this other shit, Wisconsin. 0.99

00:33:12.460 You're like, what is that? 1.00

00:33:14.040 Wisconsin?

00:33:15.160 Is that a church?

00:33:16.220 What is that?

00:33:17.620 You know, what happened?

00:33:19.460 Because in the South, you know, when you're in the South, you're just, you live at, you

00:33:22.520 grew up, you grew up with a lot of tradition.

00:33:23.940 Everything is very traditional and you keep it small like that.

00:33:28.020 I'm sure it's the same for like Missouri, like Lake of the Ozarks or, you know, like

00:33:32.040 in Wisconsin, like, um, or Michigan, like upstate Michigan, you know, like, um, the

00:33:37.640 upper peninsula or something like that, or over on, uh, North Carolina and South Carolina,

00:33:41.060 like probably the outer banks, you know, like the, there's just these places where

00:33:44.560 that's where people went for vacations.

00:33:47.000 And so that's what we kind of, um, you know, that was the only place to go growing up was

00:33:51.580 Florida.

00:33:52.480 The only place to go was Florida.

00:33:56.180 So what was I talking about, man?

00:34:00.940 I don't know what happened.

00:34:02.440 Oh, so Icy Mike would get these places, we'll get these treats, you know, this frozen

00:34:06.800 water.

00:34:07.180 We go over there.

00:34:07.660 He'd freeze up a batch of it and break it up with a hammer and we'd all be sitting

00:34:11.000 over there eating a little bit of, um, you know, foreign water, something, something

00:34:14.880 from somewhere else.

00:34:16.100 And it was pretty good, man.

00:34:17.400 It was a nice treat because for us, that was like taking a vacation.

00:34:20.940 You know, we might not get to like, uh, you know, Lake Minnetonka, but that doesn't

00:34:26.160 mean that we weren't going to have a crushed sack of it, you know, and be, you know, you

00:34:31.280 know, take the end of it, you know, to get the bag at the end, you got a little bit

00:34:33.940 of water left in your bag. 0.99

00:34:35.060 You ate all the ice and you just dripping the water on each other's bare backs and shit 0.97

00:34:38.780 like that and being chill and just, and you know, it was like a chance to take a vacation 0.83

00:34:42.740 without having to go anywhere, having them exotic ices and this dude, Icy Mike.

00:34:47.500 And I talked about that on Coco Diaz's podcast.

00:34:49.520 You can, uh, you can listen to that podcast and check it out more.

00:34:52.260 So, and if you're not familiar with him, which I think a lot of podcast listeners are, uh,

00:34:57.120 he really is, uh, he really is, I don't know if he's an, he's not a soothes, you know what?

00:35:05.320 He's kind of a soothsayer.

00:35:07.540 He's a, he's a voice that you trust.

00:35:10.720 And there's something, uh, there's something beautiful about that.

00:35:13.300 There's something beautiful about that.

00:35:17.280 Oh, ah, here in this new studio, boy, I got room.

00:35:22.020 I can come here tomorrow.

00:35:24.420 You know, I don't have to, I don't have to like, you know, the other place, if I'm at

00:35:27.880 the house, man, and if somebody comes over, you know, my whole dining room had been turned

00:35:30.940 in the studio. 0.97

00:35:31.560 So if somebody's, you know, doing, you know, doing a shit or somebody's, you know, cooking 0.99

00:35:36.840 up some broccoli or something, the whole studio stinks, you know, even I live alone. 0.99

00:35:41.220 And if the only person who would be doing shits and doing broccoli is me, but still, I 0.98

00:35:45.300 didn't want to say me, but here, you know, they got a bathroom down the hall. 0.99

00:35:49.200 They got all kinds of opportunity.

00:35:51.020 So I'm happy to be here caught up in this man.

00:35:53.700 I'm happy to be here and caught up in this.

00:35:57.080 All right, let's get to this wedding.

00:35:58.480 I was in this, I was at this wedding and dude, I'm racing around the French quarter

00:36:03.420 and, uh, you know, uh, I'm trying to, you know, a buddy of mine and I invested in a place

00:36:11.660 down there a while back and I couldn't find the code to the door and all of this shit. 0.81

00:36:15.520 And so next, you know, I'm locked out. 0.91

00:36:17.040 I'm running around a J crew trying to find a, you know, a belt and a, and a, some slacks 1.00

00:36:24.260 and just some kind of bullshit, you know, at the last minute run to this wedding, get 0.94

00:36:28.240 there 40 seconds before it starts. 0.99

00:36:32.240 And, and it was funny.

00:36:33.780 Well, I mean, you know, it was funny, man.

00:36:37.200 It was funny to be there.

00:36:38.500 You know, a lot of guys that I grew up with, there's a guy in my hometown who, and I say

00:36:44.180 this a lot.

00:36:44.660 I mean, this kind of makes, I'm not trying to make this about me, but you know, he was

00:36:48.620 getting married and he is, if I was better looking, I would be him.

00:36:54.160 He looks like me, but better looking like people would seem like, I guess would meet

00:36:58.940 him and then see me at meet me later and be like, Oh man, what's going on, dude?

00:37:03.020 Uh, did you get stung by bees?

00:37:05.020 Because I look like him.

00:37:06.320 If he got stung by a bunch of bees, like in the face, that's kind of how we look.

00:37:10.100 Um, but it was great, man.

00:37:12.260 We went there and, you know, there's something cool about seeing your buddy, uh, you know,

00:37:17.980 get emotional and have some feelings up there.

00:37:20.380 You know, when he's gleaking out of his eye sockets a little bit, you know, he's feeling

00:37:23.940 that love.

00:37:25.100 And then his lady comes banging in at a courtyard and she's all dolled up. 0.98

00:37:29.380 You know, she got on a couple thousand dollar dress out there. 1.00

00:37:32.540 They skirting out, running around looking like, um, I mean, it looked like somebody, you know,

00:37:37.100 those doilies, you know, rich people, they don't want to set their cup on the table because

00:37:43.140 they don't like the sound of it.

00:37:45.340 That's imagine how rich some people got to the point where the sound of a cup hitting

00:37:51.900 a table bothered them so that they had to put down a doily.

00:37:57.480 Well, her dress, it looked like they'd taken a lot of those fancy, nice doilies and made

00:38:02.520 a nice dress out of them.

00:38:04.160 You know, she looked, I mean, she came out and you're like, dang.

00:38:07.400 You know, I'd set a million cups on this little lady. 1.00

00:38:09.980 You know what I'm saying?

00:38:11.200 And I'm not, I mean, I'm not, you know, uh, trying to holler at the lady.

00:38:16.560 I'm just saying she looked lovely and it was nice.

00:38:19.740 We just had a good time.

00:38:20.560 It was that wedding.

00:38:21.340 It was that wedding, you know, that wedding fever.

00:38:25.260 And, and this, you know, you know, my buddy that got married, he's a, you know, he's a

00:38:29.440 handsome guy. 0.99

00:38:31.020 And I'm like, fuck man, this dude, I couldn't help but feeling for one moment. 1.00

00:38:34.580 And I'm like, damn, is he, uh, he, he is brave. 0.99

00:38:39.460 That's what I thought. 0.99

00:38:40.460 He's brave.

00:38:42.020 Cause that's what it seemed like to me getting married.

00:38:43.780 You, you know, you clamping in.

00:38:46.360 And we were talking about that on the last episode and it was just so funny that I was

00:38:50.300 at a wedding because you're clamping in.

00:38:54.780 And then there's only, I realized there's only a few, at this point I'm starting to realize

00:38:58.200 there's only a few of my friends, like my, my friends from home that aren't married.

00:39:01.460 And you start getting narrowed into a, into a circle of friends.

00:39:06.320 So it comes a point.

00:39:07.380 The only people you're friends with are the people who aren't married. 1.00

00:39:12.440 So it's like, damn, you know, guess I'm friends with fucking Donald. 0.99

00:39:17.960 Cause he, he ain't got nobody, you know, or guess I'm friends with Lamont. 1.00

00:39:23.700 Cause he blind and he ain't got nobody.

00:39:27.740 So next thing you know, you down to just a motley crew. 0.99

00:39:30.260 It's just like, you know, it's you is fucking, you know, big Donald with that thing on his 1.00

00:39:35.460 neck is blind fucking Alan. 1.00

00:39:38.980 And you just get, you get narrowed down into just the few people who aren't married. 1.00

00:39:44.620 Those are your friends.

00:39:45.760 That's because it's anybody's wife. 0.99

00:39:49.840 Anybody with a wife isn't going to let them be friends with somebody who don't have a 1.00

00:39:53.160 wife and I don't blame them.

00:39:56.540 I don't blame them at all.

00:39:59.820 I don't blame them at all.

00:40:01.560 So it was, it was interesting, man.

00:40:03.040 We have fun that we did some dancing. 0.97

00:40:05.080 Dude, my buddy's daddy can fucking dance this dude. 0.93

00:40:08.340 I'm going to call him sometime and have him on the podcast. 0.97

00:40:10.300 I might even try to do it on Wednesday just to get some stories out of him.

00:40:13.340 This man, this dude Lamar, he'll drop leg, bro.

00:40:18.760 Dude, I'm watching him. 0.99

00:40:19.700 I think I said, at one point I'm like, damn, he got six legs. 1.00

00:40:23.720 His fucking, I bet his stepdaddy's a damn caterpillar because this man got six legs. 1.00

00:40:30.740 And we had fun, man. 1.00

00:40:31.760 We danced.

00:40:32.800 You know, I danced a little.

00:40:33.780 I can't do it, man.

00:40:34.420 I get tired easy.

00:40:36.660 It used to be like four hours of raging, you know, a couple tabs of Molly or whatever would 1.00

00:40:40.620 make me tired.

00:40:41.280 Now, like, you know, a big muffin and I got to slow it down.

00:40:49.500 But it was, it, man, it was, it was just, it was wild to see.

00:40:52.860 And it was especially wild because we were talking about weddings last week.

00:40:56.760 You know, we cracking into that wedding, that wedding bliss.

00:41:00.460 You know, we've been talking about it.

00:41:01.700 We had a man named Gio that called the podcast last week.

00:41:04.060 I'm going to tap into his call right here.

00:41:06.200 Here we go.

00:41:06.960 Yo, what's up, Theo?

00:41:08.300 It's Gio from New York.

00:41:09.900 I'm just calling with a question.

00:41:12.300 All right, Gio.

00:41:13.000 Thank you for calling, bro.

00:41:14.280 I like this.

00:41:15.200 Onward.

00:41:16.020 We've been together a few years now.

00:41:18.020 She's always talked about she wanted to get married, you know, married.

00:41:21.160 And marriage is something that I never really saw a benefit to, you know.

00:41:25.480 I never knew what was the reason behind getting married.

00:41:28.360 Yeah, you love each other.

00:41:29.260 You get married.

00:41:30.200 I love you.

00:41:31.300 You love me.

00:41:32.100 We both know we love each other.

00:41:33.560 You know, what benefit is getting married going to do for us, you know, like.

00:41:37.900 Okay, and that was Gio's call, and that was on last episode.

00:41:41.520 And a couple people responded.

00:41:43.140 So I'm going to hit a couple of these responses right here, you know, so you guys can feel

00:41:47.800 kind of what, you know, you just can see what, I want to hear what some of the suggestions

00:41:53.360 and thoughts you had to Gio's question.

00:41:55.760 You know, why?

00:41:56.860 Why get married these days?

00:41:58.740 What's it worth?

00:42:00.020 What's the value in it?

00:42:01.040 Here we go.

00:42:01.960 What's up, Theo?

00:42:02.900 It's Brian from Benita Springs.

00:42:05.100 Brian from Benita Springs.

00:42:07.900 And I don't know where that is, but it sounds lightly Latino.

00:42:11.520 And the Nicaraguan part of me says, Vialo, onward.

00:42:16.040 I'm calling in about the guy with his questions on if he should get married and what's the benefits.

00:42:22.860 I'm kind of going through the exact same thing as he is.

00:42:27.400 I've been with a girl for a little while now, and we're expecting our first daughter in May.

00:42:34.060 Okay, so you got that May baby.

00:42:35.760 You know, they say, sometimes they say different babies are from, you know, that when you're born determines you'll behave differently. 0.91

00:42:43.820 You know, the stars, the moon, horoscopes, all that kind of magical shit. 0.68

00:42:48.320 All that kind of stuff they have you buying at fairs and everything. 0.79

00:42:52.860 And I don't know about that.

00:42:55.020 You know, it's like they tell you to believe in like a constellation.

00:42:59.260 And next thing you know, there's a shooting star. 0.99

00:43:01.060 And you're like, well, what the fuck? 0.99

00:43:03.040 You know, half of Orion's belt just went out of business. 0.99

00:43:06.180 So some of that stuff is kind of hard for me to believe.

00:43:09.960 But I have always believed that if you were born in certain months or certain times of the year, that you are better at certain sexual positions. 0.99

00:43:19.560 So a Sagittarius might, you know, get that doggy style more comfortably than if you got some fake ass Capricorn trying to jerk you off somewhere. 0.99

00:43:33.020 All right, let's hear a little bit more. 0.97

00:43:36.060 And I kind of told her in the beginning that I did want to marry her, but I didn't want to do it during the pregnancy because I wanted it to be special in its own right.

00:43:46.780 Okay, so you did want to marry her, but you don't want to do it during the pregnancy because you want it to be special in its own right.

00:43:53.860 This sounds like something I would not accept if I'm a woman.

00:43:58.840 But let's hear more.

00:43:59.700 So I know she's going to kind of be expecting to get married sometime in the near future, too.

00:44:05.820 And now that I've said that to her, I've been thinking the same thing as him.

00:44:09.900 You know, I don't know if I want to get the government involved.

00:44:13.240 Wow.

00:44:16.280 More?

00:44:16.680 Look, I appreciate you calling.

00:44:40.100 Look, those are some real points, Daddy Cat.

00:44:42.400 Those are some real points.

00:44:45.080 Those are some legit meows.

00:44:48.540 Because if you let you know, but the thing is, how are you going to convince her that you already told her after the pregnancy?

00:44:55.980 You know, I'm saying there's only so long you can keep that baby in there.

00:44:58.880 Ten months.

00:44:59.580 I had a buddy that stayed in for ten months. 1.00

00:45:04.080 And I'll tell you this, dude, he's an asshole. 1.00

00:45:06.700 He's a complete asshole. 1.00

00:45:09.140 And I know another guy that, you know, this dude hella premature. 1.00

00:45:13.780 This dude, Daryl, that I grew up with.

00:45:16.420 And he, you know, you don't want that early, early baby.

00:45:20.660 Because he might, you know, Daryl might grow to 80 years old, but he's never going to hit nine months, if you know what I'm saying.

00:45:26.440 You know, his jaw and his neck are all kind of the same thing, everything.

00:45:29.920 He's kind of, you know, he's like a one-piece.

00:45:34.060 He's like a one-piece swimsuit, but he's a person.

00:45:36.480 You know what I'm saying?

00:45:36.920 Like everything kind of, like he could put on a shirt and it's like his whole body is kind of covered.

00:45:42.400 You know, he looked like something Jim Henson would draw.

00:45:47.060 So you want to make sure that the baby is just, you don't want to, you know, try to shorten that or lengthen that based on to keep some promise that you've made.

00:45:56.000 And look, man.

00:46:00.300 And if you come at her with this, because at this point, it's just going to seem like an excuse.

00:46:05.500 I'm just, from what I think, I think that to her, this point, it's just going to seem like an excuse.

00:46:11.160 You got this baby coming.

00:46:16.040 I mean, I agree with you.

00:46:18.160 Let's just be love, you know, let's just be in love and take care of this, this kid. 0.77

00:46:22.680 But people want the women and some, well, you got, they want you to put your nuts. 1.00

00:46:27.600 They want you to put your pink slip on the line.

00:46:30.460 You know, it's kind of like when you would race those race cars or people would rate, you know, race, race cars or, you know, you know, we used to have this thing where people would race.

00:46:41.740 And, you know, get their kids outside and race them, make the kids race each other and bet on the children in our neighborhood.

00:46:50.160 And, but it's like those, the pink slips with the cars.

00:46:53.880 You race the cars, you put the pink slip down.

00:46:56.460 Because if you don't put the pink slip down, then you can say, yeah, winner gets the car, winner gets my car, winner gets your car.

00:47:03.220 But then you could just renege on that.

00:47:05.500 And that's not a racial slur either.

00:47:07.880 But you could just renege on that at the end.

00:47:10.580 And that's what's going on, I think, is that what people are saying is put your nuts on the line. 0.83

00:47:16.460 Put your nuts on the guillotine.

00:47:18.740 And let's, let's play chop, chop. 1.00

00:47:20.280 Because otherwise you're just saying you're gonna.

00:47:25.240 But, you know, but another school, a beautiful school of thought is why do we need this?

00:47:30.240 And I'll tell you why is because it makes you, it puts your skin in the game.

00:47:37.540 That's it.

00:47:38.440 It puts your skin in the game.

00:47:40.660 It's the same as like, you know, when I do a comedy show and the tickets have all been given away to the show, you don't know what to expect.

00:47:47.920 People, you know, vomiting in their, you know, vomiting in their purse.

00:47:51.480 One lady vomited in her purse. 1.00

00:47:54.260 You know, one dude came up on stage one night and came out of the closet in front of half the crowd. 0.99

00:47:58.440 And some people threw some shit at him. 0.99

00:48:01.240 Like, who cares, dude? 1.00

00:48:02.040 Nobody gives a fuck that you're gay. 1.00

00:48:03.320 Let's go. 1.00

00:48:04.020 This shit isn't about you. 1.00

00:48:06.180 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:48:09.460 So just, you know, sit down, Gavin. 1.00

00:48:12.140 This shit ain't about you. 0.99

00:48:14.280 But it's like, when you, when you give away all the tickets, it doesn't matter. 0.99

00:48:18.760 But when people pay for the tickets to the show, that audience pays attention.

00:48:23.540 That audience is there to pay attention.

00:48:25.800 And that's why I think you, that's why you go in it like that.

00:48:29.460 That's why you go in it like that.

00:48:31.880 But I respect, look, man, I feel for you.

00:48:33.840 You got the lady, you got the baby coming. 0.94

00:48:36.280 At this point, I just put eyes on the baby.

00:48:38.940 And just try to be honest.

00:48:41.880 And say what you mean, but don't say it mean.

00:48:45.580 That's what someone told me recently that's been resonating with me.

00:48:48.780 Say what you mean, but don't say it mean.

00:48:53.380 And because you're going to have to take a, if you're going to really have a, if you're going to get more honest with your lady about this, and you're going to have to be extremely careful how you discuss it.

00:49:01.780 You know, and if you think it's just fears, if you think it's another woman, if you think it's just fears, maybe try and just tell her, look, this is what my fears are. 0.64

00:49:11.480 I love you, but I'm afraid of this.

00:49:15.240 See if you can sound it out.

00:49:16.580 Maybe you'll come to some conclusions, even just by sounding it out for your lady.

00:49:21.340 You know what I'm saying?

00:49:22.940 Because sometimes you've got to spit up in the air and let it land in somebody else's mouth.

00:49:27.860 And that's the truth.

00:49:28.700 That's what that's called.

00:49:30.240 That's called firing that truth.

00:49:31.600 Because if you just keep spitting and catching it yourself, you know, that's easy to do.

00:49:37.080 Because that's just recycling ideas.

00:49:38.740 Sometimes you've got to drop that truth next door and see how it tastes when you set it into somebody else's, when you set it into somebody else's mouth.

00:49:46.260 All right, let's hear another response that came in for Gio's inquiry about why marriage now.

00:49:52.080 Hey, Theo, just wanted to call in about the marriage topic.

00:49:58.060 And I don't know why anybody does it anymore, because more people get divorced than people that stay together in marriages.

00:50:08.120 That's true.

00:50:09.640 You know, more people get divorced than they stay together in marriages.

00:50:12.280 I think that's true.

00:50:13.540 That's what everybody says.

00:50:15.940 There's a lot of people that are divorced. 0.99

00:50:19.020 There's a lot of people also that give up on fucking everything. 0.98

00:50:22.080 Half of America has tried to get a real estate license and fucking bailed out after they got the course completion. 0.98

00:50:28.000 So, you know, we're, you know, we're fickle.

00:50:33.000 More?

00:50:33.600 Statistically, that's true.

00:50:34.660 And once you marry a woman, it gets rid of incentive to stay with the person they marry. 1.00

00:50:43.680 Because if they leave the relationship, they get half of the man's shit. 0.99

00:50:49.640 So how does that work? 1.00

00:50:50.720 You can just let yourself go, get fat, take the trash out.

00:50:55.700 No.

00:50:56.520 You just don't have to do anything. 1.00

00:50:57.680 And it's like, yeah, motherfucker, dump me. 1.00

00:51:00.260 Because if you dump me, I get half your shit. 1.00

00:51:02.440 I don't know. 1.00

00:51:03.100 It just seems like a death trap to me, man.

00:51:04.860 Now, he's got, now that's a contractual point right there.

00:51:09.900 Yeah, you sign the papers.

00:51:11.280 I think they need to put some, you know, some decency limits in there.

00:51:16.140 For every crunch I do, you got to do a crunch.

00:51:19.720 You know, for every wheat thin I eat, you got to eat a wheat thin. 0.99

00:51:23.660 Because if you out there just fucking, you know, you know, juggling, you know, if you out there just juggling fucking, you know, high sodium lunchables on your tongue all week. 1.00

00:51:38.100 And you out there just sneaking in fucking hits of lunchables in the middle of the night. 1.00

00:51:42.740 And keeping lunchables up under your pillow and all of that. 0.99

00:51:45.340 And hiding, you know, hiding lunchables in a fucking ice cooler in the bathroom under the sink. 0.97

00:51:50.520 And doing all of that and special chocolates. 0.99

00:51:54.400 And you blowing up and I'm out here doing celery and carrots.

00:51:59.400 That's not fair.

00:52:01.080 It's not fair.

00:52:01.960 And especially if you're just milling around in circles.

00:52:04.180 So maybe it's, maybe that's the truth.

00:52:06.740 Maybe people need to start putting in these, in these, these legal agreements.

00:52:10.540 Hey, this is, we're going to stay within this health range.

00:52:17.140 That's just, but then you know what it is in the end.

00:52:19.280 It just comes back more to, it's just me.

00:52:21.240 You know, what can, you know, if somebody does that to you, that's ice cold.

00:52:28.260 But you're right in the, they go get a good lawyer.

00:52:30.360 If you're, you know, a man gets fat on you or gets out of shape on you or doesn't care about himself. 0.92

00:52:35.220 And I say, get fat.

00:52:36.300 I'm sorry about that.

00:52:36.860 That's an easy one.

00:52:38.120 You know, I find myself, I was looking at myself in the mirror yesterday and I look like a young alcoholic. 1.00

00:52:42.240 Cause my gut's starting to look for my dick. 0.99

00:52:46.020 You ever notice when that happens, when your gut starts just looking for your dick, it starts kind of just pointing forward. 1.00

00:52:52.760 It's getting longer. 1.00

00:52:53.900 And I noticed my gut starts looking for my dick. 1.00

00:52:57.860 And I could just see how some of it just happens. 0.99

00:53:00.060 You get busy working and your body changes and stuff.

00:53:03.900 And you just got to be in love.

00:53:05.420 I think, you know, that's one of the things you just got to be in love.

00:53:08.800 Somebody texted me and said, I can't remember who it was.

00:53:14.220 They said, you just got to ask yourself, can you be without this person?

00:53:20.480 Can you be without them?

00:53:22.760 And if the answer is that you can be without them, then they're not the one. 0.69

00:53:31.080 And I don't know if that's a fucking real good statement or not, but that's what I heard. 0.90

00:53:35.660 But there you go, Gio. 0.97

00:53:37.880 There's a couple of schools of thought.

00:53:41.220 There's a couple of schools of thought.

00:53:43.800 You know, in this, in this, when we live in this me universe now, and it's all about us and it's all about me, me, me.

00:53:52.800 You know, how much are we really there for the other person when they struggle?

00:53:56.540 You know, if they're, you know, if they're not taking care of themselves, are we quick to just turn the other cheek and look the other way?

00:54:02.460 I know it's hard to tell them to be uninfluenced by sex or by, I mean, advertising the way that they, I mean, they advertisers have got us.

00:54:13.480 It should be illegal to advertise the way that they do.

00:54:16.680 It should be illegal. 0.99

00:54:17.680 I mean, they are hitting us with every titty and crotch bulge and shoulder nipples. 0.99

00:54:25.140 I saw something on the internet the other day. 0.99

00:54:27.140 Some lady got nipples put into her shoulders, real nipples. 1.00

00:54:31.220 So you could look at her arms and be thinking about tits. 1.00

00:54:33.680 And if that isn't a bait and switch style of business, I don't know what is.

00:54:40.660 And it's just, you know, we're so influenced.

00:54:43.200 So as a, you know, as a man, you're just, you're so, you're so triggered constantly by sex.

00:54:50.520 Look over here. 1.00

00:54:51.540 Look at these billboards, strippers, you know, pussy, pussy, pussy. 1.00

00:54:56.840 Hey, casinos, vaginas, it's just that it's a mate, you know, it's amazing. 1.00

00:55:06.580 We're not all just driving around is jerking off in our cars and getting in car accidents, which a lot of us are doing. 0.99

00:55:14.000 A lot of us are doing that, but it's amazing.

00:55:17.480 It's not happening more at kind of a higher rate. 0.68

00:55:20.640 That should be an Olympic sport run and jerk off till you come and then tag your buddy. 0.95

00:55:26.840 You know, that's it. 0.98

00:55:30.980 The come tathalon.

00:55:36.720 Well, not everybody though is as influenced by sex.

00:55:40.160 Some people want to be.

00:55:42.500 We had a young lady that called in a while back.

00:55:45.600 Danielle, the virgin, she called in and, and this was her call.

00:55:49.740 You guys might remember it.

00:55:50.840 You guys might not, but we're actually going to, she hit the hotline,

00:55:55.160 which is nine, eight, five, six, six, four, nine, five, zero, three.

00:55:59.860 She hit the hotline and, and spoke and said, Hey, Theo, I want you to give me a call.

00:56:06.120 So I'm going to call her in just a minute, but first I want to play for you.

00:56:08.260 Her original call.

00:56:09.180 This is a few months back.

00:56:10.360 Let's hear it.

00:56:11.460 Hey, Theo.

00:56:12.120 My name is Danielle.

00:56:14.020 I am 25 and a virgin, not by choice, but due to lack of takers throughout the years.

00:56:20.920 Uh-oh.

00:56:22.240 She tight and tardy. 1.00

00:56:23.680 You know what I'm saying?

00:56:24.580 25 and still a virgin.

00:56:26.460 That's tight and tardy, boo-boo.

00:56:28.200 More?

00:56:29.420 I think it's a rarity in this day and age to be 25 and a virgin,

00:56:32.920 and I worry it will be a turnoff for any guy when he finds out.

00:56:36.260 And that only heightens my insecurity about it.

00:56:38.560 Yeah, I know it's definitely a rarity to be 25 and African-American, I think, in some communities.

00:56:43.660 I remember reading a document the other day.

00:56:45.120 A lot of young black men get killed.

00:56:48.680 So that is a lot of rarities out there. 0.96

00:56:52.060 But let's hear a little bit more.

00:56:54.240 So I would just love some insight into this pickle of a situation from a male sensual connoisseur such as yourself.

00:57:01.560 Love the podcast.

00:57:02.720 Thanks.

00:57:04.240 Hmm.

00:57:04.820 And I, yeah, and she called.

00:57:05.780 That was a while back.

00:57:06.580 And I'm thankful that she called.

00:57:09.160 And actually, I want to get her on the line right now and check in with Danielle the Virgin and see what's going on. 1.00

00:57:15.760 Because when a virgin calls, you call her back. 0.97

00:57:21.840 I mean, that's schedule one, dude.

00:57:30.040 Hello?

00:57:31.100 Hey, Danielle?

00:57:32.560 Yeah.

00:57:33.380 Hey, what's up?

00:57:33.940 This is Theo.

00:57:35.060 Hey, how are you doing?

00:57:36.580 I'm doing great.

00:57:37.540 I'm doing great.

00:57:38.200 How are you?

00:57:39.380 I'm doing well.

00:57:40.160 Yeah.

00:57:40.340 Thanks for asking.

00:57:41.540 Yeah.

00:57:41.900 I saw that you reached out on the hotline and said you wanted, you know, you wanted your boy to reach out.

00:57:47.360 So I'm checking in with you, seeing what's going on.

00:57:50.340 Yeah.

00:57:50.740 Um, so life update.

00:57:52.480 Um, you can just say Danielle now, not Danielle the Virgin.

00:57:56.500 So that's pretty cool.

00:57:59.360 Oh, wow.

00:58:00.300 So you caught a little bit of it out there, huh?

00:58:02.720 A little bit.

00:58:03.440 Yeah.

00:58:03.860 Tell me about it.

00:58:04.900 Um, yeah.

00:58:05.940 So, um, I joined Tinder.

00:58:08.440 Okay. 0.98

00:58:09.020 Um, and that's the ultimate dick location right there. 0.98

00:58:12.240 Yes. 0.99

00:58:12.560 That's where innocence goes to die.

00:58:14.580 And, um, so I just matched with this guy and we went out on a date and then, uh, we were talking for a little bit and then we went out on a second date.

00:58:24.820 Okay.

00:58:25.180 Hold on.

00:58:25.520 What made you match with him?

00:58:26.560 I'm just going to stop.

00:58:27.340 I want a little bit more information.

00:58:29.660 Oh, um, pretty much his face.

00:58:32.980 Wow.

00:58:33.600 Like you, it's very shallow.

00:58:35.960 That's it.

00:58:37.240 Yep.

00:58:37.660 And at this point, are you hunting?

00:58:38.980 Were you just hunting for, you know, a little bit of that, you know, were you hunting for some straight up just street D?

00:58:45.480 Were you hunting for some of that Strom Thurman?

00:58:47.300 You know, what are you looking for out there?

00:58:48.540 Or were you actually, I mean, are you also at the same time swiping thinking, yeah, I could meet somebody to love or somebody to lust?

00:58:54.720 What are you thinking?

00:58:56.200 Um, I mean, kind of a little bit of both.

00:58:58.180 I would like to meet somebody, of course, but also at this point I was like, let's just get this done, you know?

00:59:03.340 Yep.

00:59:03.820 Uh, it was my New Year's resolution too, so that's great.

00:59:07.260 Ooh.

00:59:07.980 So, yeah.

00:59:10.220 So, yeah, it was a little bit of both and I don't know.

00:59:12.400 He was cute and he was funny over text, so I was like, I don't know, this is, this is going to work, I feel like, so.

00:59:19.180 Okay, so you went on the second date I had interrupted.

00:59:21.220 You go on?

00:59:22.520 Um, yeah, so second date.

00:59:24.020 And then, um, we made like a wager over a pool game that then led us back to his apartment and he was showing me his room and then one thing led to another and then, yeah.

00:59:37.460 Like, he was showing you his room like he's a contractor or something?

00:59:40.960 Well, he was like showing me different, like we had already discussed, I was snooping through his bookshelf, well, not snooping, but looking through his bookshelf because we had already discussed some of that.

00:59:49.800 And then he said something about winning a, like, wrestling belt or something and so I was like, oh, I want to see that just to keep the conversation going.

00:59:58.140 So he, like, showed me that too.

00:59:59.720 He didn't show me much.

01:00:01.260 It was just kind of like, oh, are you fine with being in the room?

01:00:03.840 Okay, cool.

01:00:05.260 Okay, so all those little things, it was like, oh, look at this, look at this little, you know, maybe an ornament, a Christmas ornament or something I made in junior high.

01:00:12.500 And then he just came up on you.

01:00:14.460 Now, when he made that first move, did you know, like, what was the move he went for?

01:00:19.240 Did he go for that kiss?

01:00:20.300 What is he kind of just, you know, what was that move?

01:00:23.720 Yeah, kind of a kiss and grabbing under the shirt action.

01:00:28.040 Okay, so he went quickly for the titty.

01:00:29.740 He went quickly for it.

01:00:31.360 Yeah, yeah.

01:00:32.180 Oh, wow.

01:00:34.680 Yeah, so I knew what was going down.

01:00:36.400 Wow, and were you, like, did you go into this evening?

01:00:38.740 Did he know that you were Danielle the Virgin?

01:00:41.580 Did he know you were a virgin?

01:00:44.440 I did tell him before anything happened.

01:00:49.480 But it was, like, after the clothes were off, but before anything happened.

01:00:54.680 So I was like, by the way, before, you know, anything, like, he wasn't going to stop at that point.

01:01:02.280 So I was like, you know, hey, by the way, this quick fact about me, but let's keep going.

01:01:07.440 So, yeah, that was a little awkward on my part.

01:01:10.300 It could have worked out the timing a little bit better.

01:01:12.280 But, yeah, it was fine.

01:01:14.300 And he just, and did he, I mean, at that point, was he just right in?

01:01:17.680 Did he come in kind of hot?

01:01:18.860 How did it take me through that?

01:01:20.980 No, yeah.

01:01:21.560 It was kind of, honestly, it was a little safe, a little timid a little bit.

01:01:27.100 And since the first time, there's been other times, and it's definitely gotten a little bit more intense.

01:01:35.580 But he was like, yeah, I just wasn't sure what you could handle.

01:01:38.760 And so a little bit.

01:01:40.080 Oh.

01:01:41.160 Just a little bit.

01:01:43.580 Wow.

01:01:44.160 And this is so present-day woman. 0.98

01:01:46.020 It's like you go from virgin to this man is lackluster, all in the same sexual experience.

01:01:51.100 What can I say?

01:01:55.140 I've done my research.

01:01:56.820 Wow.

01:01:57.460 And had you, like, did he try anything real frisky?

01:02:00.420 Were you guys trying to get real risque? 0.99

01:02:02.160 And was he touching your anus or anything like that, or doing any butt activity? 0.99

01:02:06.140 No. 0.99

01:02:06.680 He stayed away from there.

01:02:08.180 Yeah.

01:02:08.840 Yeah.

01:02:10.100 He's probably, he might be Christian, might be really not Christian.

01:02:13.240 Could be either one.

01:02:13.840 Do you feel like it would have been better used at a different time in your life, or this

01:02:18.500 is, you're happy this is when it worked out?

01:02:21.120 I mean, I definitely would have preferred it a little bit earlier, because it was just

01:02:24.280 kind of like, I don't know.

01:02:26.480 It's just, it's old.

01:02:27.760 It's old.

01:02:28.480 It's an old age to be in that sort of predicament.

01:02:31.940 So I definitely would have liked maybe, like, in college or something.

01:02:35.280 But I don't know.

01:02:36.120 It is what it is.

01:02:36.920 So I'm happy I got it out of the way.

01:02:40.100 And, like, the next day, did you feel any different?

01:02:42.300 Did you think any different?

01:02:44.400 I could not make eye contact with anybody.

01:02:47.480 I was like, oh my gosh, my coworkers know what I did last night.

01:02:50.500 Oh, that's Hester Prynne. 0.74

01:02:51.440 That's that Hester Prynne book.

01:02:53.420 Yeah, like my dog was judging me.

01:02:56.180 Scarlet woman.

01:02:57.440 Wow, your dog was judging you, too.

01:02:59.160 Did you really feel that?

01:03:01.220 I mean, not really, but I certainly felt like I just, I was like, people somehow know.

01:03:06.720 Oh, yeah.

01:03:07.380 Like, I felt like I, like, they could smell it on me or something. 1.00

01:03:10.860 Look at this little pussy tosser over here, huh? 1.00

01:03:14.460 Look at this lady over here throwing leg around town. 1.00

01:03:17.820 Exactly.

01:03:18.660 Ruining families.

01:03:21.080 Yeah.

01:03:21.920 That's a potential.

01:03:23.380 Now, did you feel a little bit more empowered?

01:03:26.340 Like, when you saw men the next day, did you feel a little bit like...

01:03:30.100 Yeah. 0.99

01:03:31.300 I definitely was like, oh, I could have sex with you, no problem. 1.00

01:03:34.220 Boom! 1.00

01:03:34.700 I like that.

01:03:35.360 That's cool.

01:03:36.860 Yeah.

01:03:37.220 So, it definitely is a little bit like a confidence booster, for sure, just to know that, like,

01:03:42.040 someone likes you in that sort of way.

01:03:45.240 It's definitely cool.

01:03:47.240 And, yeah, it's a little ego boost.

01:03:49.780 Yeah.

01:03:50.380 That's awesome.

01:03:51.280 That sounds really good, you know?

01:03:54.220 Yeah.

01:03:54.700 And did he say anything after to, like, acknowledge the virginity or the loss of virginity?

01:03:58.960 Did he light a candle?

01:04:00.000 Did he put on a special episode of television after or anything?

01:04:02.640 You know what?

01:04:04.200 He played the movie Airplane, which was...

01:04:11.120 That's Leslie Nielsen, isn't it? 0.97

01:04:12.960 Yeah.

01:04:13.440 Yeah.

01:04:13.680 And he's deceased, and so is your virginity. 0.55

01:04:15.980 So, I guess there's a theme going on?

01:04:18.640 Yeah.

01:04:19.040 A couple of stars hit the mat, you know?

01:04:21.420 Yeah.

01:04:21.900 So, I was like, that's interesting, but I only stayed for, like, 10 minutes of it.

01:04:26.260 Suave move.

01:04:27.660 Well, that's the new lady movement. 1.00

01:04:29.140 You drop your virginity on a guy, and you roll out 10 minutes into the movie.

01:04:32.640 Yeah, see you later.

01:04:34.560 I got what I came here for.

01:04:36.740 I mean, that's wild, because in the old days, you would have stayed for the rest of your

01:04:39.100 life and started a family right there in the room.

01:04:41.880 I know.

01:04:42.400 I would have, like, been trapped or something.

01:04:45.540 Yeah.

01:04:46.480 Wow.

01:04:47.160 So, Danielle the Virgin, it's a wrap.

01:04:49.620 It's a wrap, yeah.

01:04:50.800 Just Danielle now.

01:04:53.120 And now, when it comes to... 0.99

01:04:54.160 Because a lot of kids are doing butt sex and all that nowadays. 0.98

01:04:57.260 Is that, like, a next goal or something? 0.99

01:04:59.120 Like, how does it...

01:04:59.960 Do you start to...

01:05:01.120 I mean, I'd like to, like, get a little bit better at just, like, the regular sex.

01:05:09.140 Oh, yeah.

01:05:10.560 I feel like that's a bit advanced.

01:05:12.620 I'm still, like, novice level.

01:05:14.260 Mm-hmm.

01:05:14.600 So, but I don't know.

01:05:16.160 You know, you got to have goals, and you always got to be reaching for something, so maybe

01:05:20.320 in the future.

01:05:21.900 There you go.

01:05:22.480 I won't rule it out, but, yeah.

01:05:25.340 I love it.

01:05:26.080 Well, best of luck to you, and I appreciate you calling, and I don't know if any of our...

01:05:30.700 Did we give any good advice or any suggestions that really helped you, or was it just really

01:05:34.200 a time thing?

01:05:35.820 No, yeah.

01:05:36.400 Yeah, I mean, it was definitely that, just, like, knowing that it wasn't such a big deal

01:05:41.700 to guys, I feel like it was one of those things that was kind of holding me back a little bit,

01:05:45.200 so to hear that no one really cared about it or, you know, would think it's a big deal,

01:05:50.180 and then just knowing that putting yourself out there isn't, you know, as scary as it would

01:05:57.100 be because guys are just as scared, I guess, in that situation as well.

01:06:00.940 Yes.

01:06:01.460 So that was kind of reassuring and helpful for sure.

01:06:04.940 Nice.

01:06:05.880 And how many times have you had sex since then?

01:06:11.760 I'm counting four total, so I guess three since then.

01:06:16.180 And any new moves you got under your belt? 0.99

01:06:19.540 I mean, I've learned how to give a blowjob, so that's new. 0.99

01:06:24.520 There you go, boy. 0.99

01:06:25.820 M-A-G-A. 1.00

01:06:26.860 You know what I'm saying?

01:06:28.680 That's what I'm talking about, because those are illegal out here by me.

01:06:31.340 In California?

01:06:34.380 Yeah, I mean, they're not really, but I'm afraid to ask for one.

01:06:37.820 Oh, well, sure, yeah.

01:06:39.360 It's scary.

01:06:39.980 You can't do that anymore. 0.98

01:06:40.660 Oh, I drive out to the desert even to jerk off out here. 0.97

01:06:42.820 It's a very tight environment out here. 0.92

01:06:46.600 Yeah, no, we're not that advanced in Georgia yet, so.

01:06:50.800 It's tight out here.

01:06:52.320 Yeah.

01:06:52.840 It's tighter than a 25-year-old virgin.

01:06:54.680 How old were you?

01:06:56.400 Yeah, 25.

01:06:57.380 There you go, and it's a wrap.

01:06:59.680 So, on to the next 25. 0.99

01:07:00.920 Good luck getting rid of that butt, V. 0.99

01:07:02.400 You know that's out there next coming in for you. 0.95

01:07:04.640 And I hope that your year is filled with a lot of just real joys, you know?

01:07:08.540 Thank you.

01:07:09.020 I certainly appreciate it.

01:07:10.600 Yeah, we'll check in in a couple of months and see how it's going.

01:07:15.000 Awesome.

01:07:15.580 I look forward to it.

01:07:16.640 Thank you so much.

01:07:17.720 All right.

01:07:18.340 Bye-bye.

01:07:18.860 All right.

01:07:19.380 Bye.

01:07:19.640 Bye.

01:07:19.720 And there you have it right there.

01:07:22.740 Danielle the Virgin.

01:07:24.080 Danielle.

01:07:24.600 That's what we're going to call her now because she lost it. 0.61

01:07:26.980 You know, she dropped that V off out there to a local Caucasian. 0.97

01:07:31.000 And it's nice to know, first of all, that a white guy can still get work these days.

01:07:35.060 So, that's nice.

01:07:36.220 That's a little bit rewarding.

01:07:39.040 But there she is.

01:07:40.160 You know, she went through it, and that's it.

01:07:42.060 You know, she took a couple suggestions to heart, maybe. 0.98

01:07:44.200 They maybe hit her in the heart, hit her in that vulva or that uvula or whatever the parts are. 1.00

01:07:49.780 And now it's a wrap, man. 0.99

01:07:51.420 On to the next one, man.

01:07:52.740 On to the next one.

01:07:54.320 There you heard it, fellas.

01:07:57.300 Virginities are, look, they're on the block out there. 1.00

01:08:02.440 So, if you're out there hunting them, man, get out there and get them.

01:08:06.240 Because these ladies are getting rid of them. 1.00

01:08:09.080 We got marked down virginities.

01:08:10.780 We got used.

01:08:12.260 We got old, new, used.

01:08:14.760 Everything must go, go, go, go.

01:08:18.380 Get down here to Fat Donnie's Virginities. 0.97

01:08:22.840 Wouldn't that be crazy if they had that?

01:08:24.620 A place that just sold out virginities and gave them out or whatever. 1.00

01:08:28.700 But there you go, man.

01:08:30.440 Congratulations, Danielle.

01:08:31.540 Welcome to the world. 1.00

01:08:32.820 Welcome to the world of sweet dick, honey. 0.99

01:08:35.440 I hope you catch a million hot rods over the years. 1.00

01:08:38.500 And it could happen. 0.99

01:08:39.240 Look, people are fucking everywhere right now. 0.99

01:08:42.480 In Africa and some countries, people get AIDS all the time and they still, they don't even care. 1.00

01:08:46.640 They fuck. 1.00

01:08:48.080 That's how much people want to fuck. 1.00

01:08:50.300 That's how much people want to have sex. 1.00

01:08:53.420 You know, there was a famous story about two, they had two, I think they were bears.

01:09:01.420 And they got, they got stuck on the side of a cliff, hanging on the cliff, right?

01:09:06.700 Hanging each by a, by a, what is that thing called that comes out of a tree that looks for water?

01:09:12.980 Hanging each by like a root.

01:09:14.300 They were each hanging by a separate root on the side of this cliff. 1.00

01:09:19.600 And they ended up fucking each other. 0.99

01:09:23.900 So that just shows you the power that's out there. 0.99

01:09:27.200 The power of the, of the, that's behind a lot of the cock that's out there roaming. 0.99

01:09:32.400 I mean, there were times I wished that my penis was detachable. 1.00

01:09:35.720 And I would just throw that motherfucker into the distance and hope it landed in some Hwasi. 1.00

01:09:42.100 You feel me? 1.00

01:09:43.600 Just hope it just, you know, there was just a crotch, just, you know, going deep and just

01:09:50.340 Randy Moss and my boss.

01:09:52.900 You feel me?

01:09:53.480 Just catching that, that D I threw.

01:09:57.160 You know, you just, that's how I remember being so young and as being so horny.

01:10:00.820 I remember blacking out.

01:10:01.880 I remember getting so erect, so much pain, so much blood running to my unit that I would

01:10:08.700 black out unconscious from just having a hard cop.

01:10:13.760 You know, I'm about 5'11", man, 5'11 and a half.

01:10:16.920 And they say, if you're about 5'11", 5'11 and a half, then you come with that, you know, 1.00

01:10:21.100 you got that short bus dick. 1.00

01:10:22.640 That's what this girl told me the other day. 1.00

01:10:24.580 She goes, oh, you got that short bus dick, that thick and hardy. 1.00

01:10:29.140 You know, you got that Jared Lorenzen. 1.00

01:10:30.800 You got that Chris Berman.

01:10:32.700 You got that CeeLo Green.

01:10:35.180 You got that Archie Bunker.

01:10:37.100 You know, that thick and hardy.

01:10:40.180 You know, it's more like a, it ain't like a sausage.

01:10:42.500 It's more like a meatball.

01:10:44.500 So, and that's how I do come in. 0.99

01:10:45.880 I got that short bus of cock. 1.00

01:10:47.680 You don't know what this thing's up to, but it's wild, boo boo. 0.99

01:10:53.520 But anyway, that's it.

01:10:54.900 Danielle lost it, man.

01:10:57.080 Danielle lost it. 0.91

01:10:58.280 I'm about to lose it on you guys.

01:11:00.880 I'm going to tell you where.

01:11:02.240 March 15th and 16th, I'll be in Spokane.

01:11:06.600 Actually, March 15th and 16th, I'll be in Tacoma, Washington.

01:11:14.080 And that's outside of Seattle.

01:11:15.620 And then March 17th, I'll be in Spokane.

01:11:17.380 April 20th and 21st, I'll be in Hasbrook Heights, New Jersey at Bananas Comedy Club.

01:11:25.860 Oxnard dates got moved to July, right after the 4th of July.

01:11:30.760 And I think that's July 5th through the, 6th, 7th, and 8th.

01:11:37.640 We also got some other dates.

01:11:39.160 Calgary.

01:11:39.680 I will be in Calgary.

01:11:40.780 And that's June 15th and 16th.

01:11:43.740 We got some other ones coming up too.

01:11:45.320 I'm going to try to find a New York date.

01:11:46.680 Trying to get a Chicago in there.

01:11:48.420 But I just wanted to let you know that those are some dates.

01:11:50.500 You can get tickets at TheoVaughn.com slash tour.

01:11:53.960 T-O-U-R. 1.00

01:11:55.200 As well, you can grab a This Past Weekend Onward shirt at TheoVaughn.com slash store.

01:12:01.140 S-T-O-R-E. 1.00

01:12:04.260 April 6th and 7th, I'll be in Tampa, Florida.

01:12:06.820 I don't know if I mentioned that to you or not.

01:12:08.140 But I'll be there at the attic at Rock Brothers Brewing.

01:12:11.560 And those tickets are available online as well.

01:12:13.980 I'm going to tell you now about Starflow.

01:12:17.060 Starflow.

01:12:17.780 The location for fans trying to link up and get closer to their favorite celebrities.

01:12:23.720 Starflow.

01:12:24.760 It's a safer ecosystem where your information won't be sold on the black market. 0.99

01:12:31.180 A lot of these, you know, apps and this, you get in there and that's all of a sudden your shit's on the black market. 0.99

01:12:36.520 You know, suddenly you got somebody showing up at the house selling you fucking, you know, bootleg Dymatap. 0.99

01:12:44.120 You know, or selling you fucking secondhand Robitussin. 0.99

01:12:48.500 But Starflow, it's not like that. 0.98

01:12:51.280 Starflow is a place for fans to link up with their celebrities and see the latest hottest content.

01:12:56.000 I mean, talking about hot content where you're, where your information is safe, you're not going to be sold out.

01:13:01.820 It provides a hub for consumers.

01:13:05.440 Access your favorite talents, celebrities, and exclusive content in seconds.

01:13:09.400 It's available on the App Store or at Starflow, S-T-A-R-F-L-O-W dot com.

01:13:16.240 Starflow is reshaping the influencer economy by providing an infrastructure network enabling our ecosystem where individuals can thrive and where everybody can interact and participate in the creation and consumption of value.

01:13:30.380 You're not getting baited to a new place just to have your information sold.

01:13:34.280 That helps, that happens a lot.

01:13:36.600 So you want to see your celebs, you want to see them in a facet where you can trust the template that you're on.

01:13:41.540 Go to Starflow dot com or check out Starflow in the App Store.

01:13:45.480 We had a divorced dad or soon to be divorced dad messages last week as well saying he's getting a divorce.

01:13:55.640 It's been eight years.

01:13:57.120 He has a daughter.

01:13:58.600 What does he do now? 0.99

01:14:00.080 He mentioned that he was looking forward to getting some new blowjobs or any blowjobs. 0.98

01:14:04.620 And and so let's check in. 0.99

01:14:06.840 We had some advice that came in for the newly divorced dad as well.

01:14:10.540 Here we go.

01:14:11.700 Hey, what's up, Bill?

01:14:12.380 This is Paul from the East Bay.

01:14:13.540 Hey, what's up, Pauly from that East Bay?

01:14:16.260 And my friend got mugged one time in Hayward.

01:14:20.100 I don't know if you've ever been there in Hayward.

01:14:22.420 Onward.

01:14:23.260 I just wanted to chime in real quick on the fellows getting divorced.

01:14:27.300 Congratulations.

01:14:28.160 It sounds like, you know, that's kind of what he wanted to do.

01:14:31.420 I went through something real similar.

01:14:33.020 Well, not something, but I went through this exact thing about eight years ago.

01:14:35.960 Had to have two children with my ex-wife. 1.00

01:14:39.260 And the best piece of advice that I got was understand that being the best father you can be, your ex-wife is going to benefit from that.

01:14:48.600 I think a lot of us that get divorced try to be the best that we can be, but kind of lay this gauntlet down of like, you know, we don't want to we don't want to be nice or give anything to the ex-wife.

01:14:59.560 Because most of the time, you know, we get divorced because things didn't go the way, you know, we thought they would.

01:15:06.880 Wow, that's really, Paul, I appreciate that.

01:15:08.940 That seems insightful.

01:15:11.360 You know, he doesn't seem like he's thinking about himself as much.

01:15:13.620 He's just saying, be the best dad you can be.

01:15:15.480 And that's actually going to benefit your partner there.

01:15:18.740 Let's hear a little bit more.

01:15:20.320 Anyhow, that was one thing.

01:15:21.800 Just she's going to benefit.

01:15:24.040 Be cool with that.

01:15:24.960 Accept that.

01:15:25.480 Make friends with that.

01:15:26.840 And just be consistent.

01:15:28.220 And my ex-wife and I were not on good terms for about three, three and a half years, a long time. 1.00

01:15:33.440 She was a complete and utter cunt. 1.00

01:15:36.040 And, you know. 1.00

01:15:36.920 See you next Tuesday, baby.

01:15:38.460 That's what they call them sometimes.

01:15:40.640 Onward.

01:15:41.320 You know, just consistency year after year.

01:15:43.420 And, man, honestly, now I could say she's, you know, one of my better friends.

01:15:47.260 And we have a great co-parenting relationship, which obviously benefits the kids greatly, which I'm sure, you know, this guy wants.

01:15:55.640 Wow.

01:15:56.000 You know, and that's some selfless, that's some selfless suggestion right there.

01:16:00.520 And that's the thing.

01:16:01.660 Don't be thinking about you.

01:16:02.980 Think about the child.

01:16:04.500 And think about being helpful to your ex-wife because being helpful to your ex-wife is actually in turn being helpful to your child.

01:16:09.920 Now, hopefully, you don't get one of them ex-wives that's just out there dragging you through the mud and beating you in the neck with that money stick. 1.00

01:16:19.300 You know, I remember they had this lady that lived by me. 0.98

01:16:22.260 And she would go beat up her ex-husband all the time and get his money and steal stuff out of his place. 1.00

01:16:26.960 All kind of stuff.

01:16:27.580 Bicycle, vases, canned good.

01:16:31.340 All kind of stuff. 1.00

01:16:32.320 Take it right out of his place and beat his ass because she was tough. 1.00

01:16:35.840 You know, because she was Polish. 1.00

01:16:37.140 She was 100% Polish. 1.00

01:16:39.320 And they'll fuck you, bro. 1.00

01:16:41.380 Dude, a buddy of mine, he was fucking this Polish girl and she beat his ass while they were having sex. 1.00

01:16:46.100 And that doesn't even seem like it should be legal, but I don't know. 1.00

01:16:53.480 And what if you come during that?

01:16:55.200 That's got to be the weirdest thing.

01:16:56.420 What am I talking about today?

01:16:58.840 Oh, but that's good advice here.

01:17:00.040 Some good suggestions there.

01:17:01.300 Let's hear another one.

01:17:02.060 We got one more call that came in right here.

01:17:04.040 Here we go.

01:17:05.380 Hey, Theo.

01:17:06.060 I just wanted to give you a call, man, and comment on something that you were talking about.

01:17:10.800 I thought it was really interesting.

01:17:12.000 You're taking two sides of the spectrum of the marriage.

01:17:14.360 Each one is pretty loaded.

01:17:15.920 Both guys, in my opinion, are both looking at it the wrong way.

01:17:20.120 Okay, so he's talking about the marriage and the divorce.

01:17:24.740 He's saying that both guys are looking at it the wrong way.

01:17:27.620 Onward? 1.00

01:17:28.300 The common denominator between those two guys is, honestly, they're both selfish as fuck. 1.00

01:17:33.380 You notice the only thing that they're concerned about is I, I, I. 1.00

01:17:37.800 I've been together with my baby's mother.

01:17:40.720 We just had our second child.

01:17:41.880 And I think the biggest thing that I've been learning along the way is you have to live

01:17:46.320 in the service of other people.

01:17:48.000 If you're continuing.

01:17:50.320 He's saying the biggest thing along the way, you have to live in the service of other people

01:17:53.320 more.

01:17:54.380 To live and try to make yourself the main focus, you'll never be happy.

01:17:59.920 And I think that's what they're both battling with right now.

01:18:03.680 Marriage is something that you can't be selfish with and you have to live in the service of

01:18:07.940 the people.

01:18:08.300 There you go.

01:18:10.040 Something you can't be selfish with.

01:18:11.240 He's saying, uh, you know, that these gentlemen are being selfish.

01:18:14.880 You know, I'll, I'll say this from a child's perspective, you know, his comments make me

01:18:19.300 think that from a child, say I'm a child and you tell me, you know, I start finding out

01:18:24.700 that parents get married and stuff like that.

01:18:26.380 I'm six or seven or whatever.

01:18:27.780 And I find out, you know, my parents aren't married.

01:18:32.140 Does that make me feel a certain way as a child?

01:18:34.120 It might, you know, my parents don't live together.

01:18:37.880 Does that make me feel maybe less than other kids or different than other kids?

01:18:42.220 They could, you know, if you're going to ask me, do you want your parents to be married

01:18:47.120 or do you want them to live a separate from separate and be happy?

01:18:51.600 As a kid, I'd be like, I want them to be married.

01:18:55.140 So when, you know, a child in a child's world, everything, it all revolves around them and

01:19:02.120 it should, that's the, that's just the way it is.

01:19:04.280 And if something's wrong, then they see it as something's wrong with them.

01:19:09.300 So if something's wrong and, you know, the parent, the parent relationship isn't there,

01:19:12.740 then they, a lot of times they'll internalize that as, oh, I did something, something, I

01:19:17.300 did something wrong that made this be this way.

01:19:19.640 You know, I don't deserve to have, you know, a dual parent household, you know? 1.00

01:19:26.160 So, you know, it's funny if you ask a kid, a kid will tell you exactly what they want.

01:19:30.440 I want you guys to live together.

01:19:31.680 Now, is that realistic for the parents?

01:19:36.120 Maybe not, probably not a lot of cases, but, but it's just interesting.

01:19:41.760 It's interesting to think that a child would be like, no, I want you to live together.

01:19:45.560 That's it.

01:19:46.940 You made me and you want to be my parents and that's it.

01:19:51.680 So we see it differently, of course, because we're the parents, you know, we're adults, we're

01:19:55.280 older, but from a kid's perspective, and I don't blame them.

01:19:59.600 That's not selfish of a child.

01:20:00.840 Well, that's exactly probably what they should think.

01:20:04.900 Oh, man.

01:20:06.360 Think about what else I want to tell you guys has been going on with me.

01:20:10.420 What else has been going on?

01:20:12.960 Not too much, man.

01:20:14.100 I got almost a day of no smoking.

01:20:16.520 You know, I had me a couple of cigarettes after that wedding last night and actually

01:20:19.860 I only had one cigarette and, uh, and it was a good treat, man.

01:20:26.120 It was a good treat.

01:20:26.860 I'm just, just a lot happened this week.

01:20:28.580 So I only have those weeks that are just heavy with emotion.

01:20:31.020 You know, friends getting married, you know, um, you know, thinking about maybe getting

01:20:38.360 some pets or something about a house, you know, a lot of just different thoughts going through

01:20:42.880 my head, you know, thinking about maybe making myself a fresh meal or something and doing

01:20:48.000 some, some, some meals around the house, you know, and I was in a French quarter last night

01:20:53.700 and I'm trying to find a, find a, get it, get into the apartment and stuff like that.

01:20:57.360 And the French quarter, great place.

01:21:00.520 If you want to see somebody get shot or some, or you want to get a good sandwich and watch

01:21:03.780 somebody get cut up or something by a burglar or whatever, you got to go to the French quarter.

01:21:08.280 I mean, the French quarter is a great place, uh, a great place to watch two, you know, thick 0.99

01:21:18.440 white dudes fist fight in the street over beads.

01:21:22.880 It's a great place.

01:21:24.140 Usually like around two 30, kind of like a lot of young brothers kind of with dreads and

01:21:29.960 stuff will roll through sometimes just clipping people with knives, just hatchet and people.

01:21:35.640 And this is generalizations, but if you look at NOLA.com, these things, super accurate. 0.96

01:21:42.000 Uh, you know, it's just a great place to get a couple of fucking, you know, fill your, fill 0.99

01:21:47.240 your mouth, go by bourbon house, fill your mouth with a good po' boy sandwich and watch 0.99

01:21:51.060 a couple of people get stabbed or lose a little bit of blood.

01:21:54.960 And, and it's, uh, and I remember one time I was in the French quarter and this man, this

01:22:01.700 man came up to me and he was geeking a little bit.

01:22:03.900 You could see him, you know, he was up on the dust.

01:22:07.000 He was up on that dust and his, his neck was moving, but his head and his chest weren't.

01:22:13.940 And when that's going on, you know, somebody, you know what I'm saying?

01:22:18.000 They got that, their soul is, they got that, they hooked up on them chemicals.

01:22:22.040 You know, their soul is doing a little bit of, they skeeting somewhere inside of their

01:22:25.460 own universe a little bit.

01:22:26.560 They're losing it.

01:22:28.060 And he said, Hey man, you know, I'll do, I'll do a backflip for you.

01:22:32.800 And, oh, my buddy, he goes, Hey man, give me a, you know, $4 or something.

01:22:37.680 And my buddy's like, nah, nah, nah, man.

01:22:39.780 And the guy's like, all right, give me $5.

01:22:42.740 And I have to say, dude, at that point I laughed.

01:22:44.640 I loved his approach to business.

01:22:46.260 But then my buddy's like, look, man, if you can do a backflip, I'll give you $8 because

01:22:52.560 my buddy had $8.

01:22:54.700 So the man's like, all right, all right.

01:22:57.260 Y'all give me some room.

01:22:58.940 And we were already not standing real close to this dude, because this is not a dude you

01:23:02.200 wanted to stand real close to.

01:23:04.560 And bro, this dude, I don't know if you've ever seen this dude, this dude swang his arms

01:23:12.200 forward, backward, forward, backward, and then this guy tried to do a backflip, obviously

01:23:18.160 had never done a black, a backflip in his life, in his life. 0.99

01:23:22.760 And I've never seen anybody just slam the back of their body into the fucking street. 0.99

01:23:28.820 I just have never seen anything like that. 0.99

01:23:31.080 Like as hard as he could, he just slammed the, his entire body into the fucking street. 0.99

01:23:37.000 And that was it, man. 0.99

01:23:38.200 He was hurt.

01:23:38.780 He was definitely not doing well.

01:23:41.020 Well, he was not doing well.

01:23:42.760 I mean, he could have had, who knows?

01:23:44.040 He could have fractured his ribs, who knows?

01:23:46.140 But he, my buddy gave him the eight bucks and that was that.

01:23:48.640 So that's pretty beautiful.

01:23:49.800 You know, when you get that, you know, that's the kind of a cheap show, but the French quarter 1.00

01:23:54.020 has that.

01:23:55.000 If you ever, you've never been in New Orleans, you know, you want a crab dip, you want a

01:23:59.180 little crime.

01:24:00.740 That's the place to do it.

01:24:02.240 We've got another call that came in right here onto the hotline.

01:24:05.080 And that hotline is 985-664-9503.

01:24:08.660 If you're a young man or young lady who's struggling with something and you think that other young

01:24:13.300 men and young women can offer you suggestions, if you have a comment or a thought based on

01:24:18.240 what we've been talking about this week, hit the hotline, 985-664-9503.

01:24:25.480 As well, I want to thank our charter sponsor, Gray Block Pizza.

01:24:28.380 We're not finishing up here.

01:24:30.220 I just want to remember to thank them.

01:24:32.120 They're at 1811 Pico Boulevard and they have Bronx Born Pizza and that's up in Bend, Oregon

01:24:37.960 and that's brand new.

01:24:40.360 Also, I want to advertise this past weekend.

01:24:42.560 We got a box of, uh, I got a box of blue t-shirts made and these, these MFers, they're, 1.00

01:24:47.600 they're correctional center blue.

01:24:49.840 That's the only place you would see this color blue is in a correctional center.

01:24:53.740 Um, I mean, they are, you know, they are Frankie Grande blue.

01:24:59.900 They're not, they're not, they're a wild blue.

01:25:02.980 And if you hit the hotline, 985-664-9503 and just leave, it has to be 60 seconds or less.

01:25:12.220 Okay.

01:25:12.900 Tell me about your weekend, if it was good or if it was bad, but it has to be the best

01:25:16.440 or worst weekend you've ever had.

01:25:18.880 And it has to have happened.

01:25:20.260 You know, you want it to have happened recently.

01:25:21.820 We're going to do this for the whole year.

01:25:23.320 And once a month, we're going to put the best one on and the worst one on.

01:25:27.040 And, uh, and we're going to send you guys some of these correctional center blue this

01:25:30.420 past weekend shirts as a gift for whoever gets them each month.

01:25:34.620 So you can hit the hotline with that.

01:25:36.320 Um, that number is 985-664-9503.

01:25:40.160 Now, if you call every week about your shitty weekend or whatever, don't do that. 0.56

01:25:44.660 Don't be like that, but don't be a scavenger, you know, call when you got something real.

01:25:50.280 Also, if you just a regular person that has a regular job, you drive, you know, you deliver,

01:25:55.480 you know, newspapers like my mother does, or you, uh, you cut trees like my brother does.

01:26:00.320 If you do, if you're a regular person who have a regular job and you listen to this past

01:26:04.320 weekend, hit the hotline sometime and just tell me what you do and that you listen to it.

01:26:08.920 Tell me what you do.

01:26:10.200 I just want to know who listens to this show.

01:26:12.780 I'm trying to find out.

01:26:15.060 And I know a lot of people out there in the dark arts listen, but I know they got others

01:26:18.460 as well.

01:26:19.800 Let's take this right here.

01:26:21.000 We got a call that came in right here.

01:26:22.720 Here we go.

01:26:23.740 Hey, this is Vince from Maui, Hawaii.

01:26:25.920 Ooh, Vince, that fricking, that, the pod piper of pineapple hitting the airwaves here from

01:26:34.520 Hawaii.

01:26:36.820 Aloha boy.

01:26:38.420 More.

01:26:39.260 Um, I was just wondering, I'm an MMA fighter.

01:26:41.700 I know you've been commenting on a lot of, uh, MMA fights recently with the Mike Perry,

01:26:45.620 uh, deal.

01:26:47.400 Yeah.

01:26:47.820 Mike Perry and Max Payne Griffin.

01:26:50.000 And that's only about the maybe fourth or fifth fight I've ever seen.

01:26:53.680 And people have been asking me about that, about the M M M M a fights. 0.72

01:26:59.800 And I'll comment on it sometimes, you know, I don't want to overstep into a territory that

01:27:03.540 I don't know much about, but I am a new fan.

01:27:06.700 You know, I'm a little bit scared sometimes to be a fan because they got a lot of violence.

01:27:11.580 I don't know if you've ever seen a fight or not, but it's fighting.

01:27:14.940 It's people fighting.

01:27:15.900 It's people beating each other.

01:27:17.400 And sometimes they know each other and sometimes they don't.

01:27:20.020 And it is violent.

01:27:21.180 They got some real adult violence and they got women too that cornrow their hair and 0.79

01:27:25.320 beat each other.

01:27:26.660 And it's, uh, it's something else, man.

01:27:30.560 So sometimes I can't stomach at all, but I'm gonna try to comment on some more fights

01:27:33.720 here and there when I can.

01:27:34.640 And so I appreciate you checking in, uh, about that, but I want to hear, uh, what

01:27:38.580 you're saying here.

01:27:39.340 You're a, you're, you're a part-time MMA fighter sometimes, and you're from, uh, Hawaii.

01:27:43.960 Let's hear more Vince.

01:27:45.900 And, uh, with that master of my fight, but, um, yeah, I don't know.

01:27:50.400 I've been training for a while now.

01:27:51.540 It's been about two years and I actually, I tore my ACL.

01:27:55.640 So I'm out for like nine months and I'm pretty, uh, not feeling too good about that.

01:28:00.420 I've been getting into the dark arts, but I was just wondering if you had anything

01:28:03.860 that, that ever set your career back or, yeah, I know, I know standup comedy has its,

01:28:08.900 uh, has its ups and downs, but I was just wondering if you had anything that set you

01:28:12.460 back, um, to a point where you'd never thought you'd, you'd never hear the end of it, but.

01:28:17.220 You know, have I had something like that, that set my career back?

01:28:26.100 You know, I'll tell you this.

01:28:27.160 I'll tell you about two instances that kind of just pop into my head and I don't know if

01:28:29.920 they relate a hundred percent, but they do, you know, they do come to mind.

01:28:33.760 I, um, when I was, let me see, when I was, when I just kind of just started comedy, I was

01:28:42.660 at a party in the Hollywood Hills.

01:28:43.800 I had a manager out here and, um, I think the gentleman, he might've ended up being possible

01:28:49.300 a homosexual man and that's fine. 0.92

01:28:52.040 Whatever dude, you know, um, you know, if the world's ending, bruh, a lot of people going 1.00

01:28:58.180 to be fucking each other. 0.95

01:28:59.840 But, um, but this man was my friend and he took me to a party and at this party was Robert 0.96

01:29:07.060 Downey Jr.'s and Robert Downey Jr.'s, um, he, he was not popular at all in Los Angeles

01:29:16.560 at the time.

01:29:17.240 He was not doing well.

01:29:18.440 It was probably 15 years ago and we saw him at a pool and, and I remember at the party,

01:29:25.300 everybody making fun of him.

01:29:26.040 He'd just gotten busted for something like, I don't know if it was picking up a prostitute

01:29:29.620 or, and look, I'm just guessing.

01:29:31.760 I don't know what he, but he got in trouble for something pretty bad, drug, something bad 1.00

01:29:36.200 as far, you know, even though Hollywood's full of fucking lecherous weirdos. 0.98

01:29:40.840 Um, and that's why I'm not watching the movie awards tonight. 0.99

01:29:43.880 I don't give a fuck who wins half this shit, but I'll tell you who've been winning it. 0.99

01:29:47.180 Dunkirk boy, Dunkirk, a movie about men helping each other out war times, an actual real ass 1.00

01:29:59.320 movie. 0.99

01:29:59.780 The only movie, Dunkirk, not this fake ass sugar shit that's out there trying to force 1.00

01:30:08.820 politics bull. 1.00

01:30:09.900 That means not.

01:30:10.880 Come on, make a movie.

01:30:13.160 If you're making movies, how about this?

01:30:15.420 I don't know.

01:30:16.300 Make a movie.

01:30:17.300 I want entertainment.

01:30:20.540 That's what I want.

01:30:21.860 You know why I turn on entertainment for entertainment, not to be a subtextually preached at by some, 0.95

01:30:28.520 you know, in some bullshit fashion, you know, not for you to secretly try and tell me that 0.98

01:30:34.560 you think I'm a racist or that you're smarter than me book, or that you're better than me 0.99

01:30:38.960 because you have more money. 1.00

01:30:40.640 I don't need any of that shit. 0.99

01:30:42.160 I don't want that when I want to watch a movie. 1.00

01:30:45.060 I want entertainment.

01:30:47.340 And if you look around in the movies this year and you want to see which one was the

01:30:54.140 most entertaining, Dunkirk boy, gang gang.

01:31:00.240 Anyway, what were we talking about? 1.00

01:31:03.480 Fuck. 1.00

01:31:03.940 I don't even know, man. 1.00

01:31:05.240 I know I'm listening to this call.

01:31:06.760 Oh, Vince MMA fighter.

01:31:08.320 Oh, so you had Robert Downey Jr. was at this party.

01:31:10.560 And guess what?

01:31:12.680 People were making fun of him. 1.00

01:31:13.660 Everybody's like, oh shit, that guy. 1.00

01:31:15.180 What a loser. 1.00

01:31:15.880 People were saying, what a loser. 0.99

01:31:17.580 And this was like the first celebrity I'd seen in Los Angeles, you know, someone, you 0.97

01:31:20.780 know, I'm excited about anything. 0.98

01:31:22.220 I'm just excited to have a fucking clean shirt on. 0.99

01:31:26.300 And I was up in the Hollywood Hills and there, you know, we make fun of him and shit. 0.99

01:31:30.400 Now, fast forward. 0.99

01:31:33.680 Six, seven years.

01:31:35.620 I'm at this event for Kirk Douglas.

01:31:37.900 I'm speaking at it and I thought it was a roast.

01:31:40.020 I thought they said roast.

01:31:41.140 We want you to roast Kirk Douglas.

01:31:43.940 And they actually said host.

01:31:46.560 We want you to host this event about Kirk Douglas.

01:31:49.120 Kirk Douglas is like 90 years old.

01:31:51.000 He just had a couple of strokes.

01:31:52.380 They were giving him a lifetime achievement award.

01:31:53.680 He could barely even say the alphabet.

01:31:55.740 He said, you know, like, and I'm out there.

01:32:00.100 I get up there and I start roasting him, making fun of him.

01:32:05.000 The whole place.

01:32:06.080 I mean, this is at Beverly.

01:32:07.400 This is like at a fancy hotel.

01:32:08.620 Everybody's like, bro, I am sweating.

01:32:12.100 My spine is sweating.

01:32:15.000 Like my spine is like my spine is like I'm out of here. 0.99

01:32:19.580 I am drowning in my own inner fucking boil from fear. 0.96

01:32:27.180 Just and I can't even feel myself talking anymore. 0.97

01:32:30.680 It's like I'm hiding inside of myself scared and my face and body are telling jokes.

01:32:35.760 And I'm just making fun of Michael Douglas or Kirk Douglas.

01:32:41.360 Sorry, Kirk Douglas.

01:32:42.160 And fast forward, I get off stage.

01:32:45.080 It's not a good scene.

01:32:47.040 I walk backstage and I'm like, Jesus Christ.

01:32:49.700 That was the worst experience.

01:32:51.160 I mean, Sally Field is there.

01:32:52.640 Everybody's there.

01:32:54.860 And Robert Downey Jr.

01:32:57.300 standing backstage.

01:32:57.960 And he, you know, and now he's, he's, he's Iron Man and he's the most popular guy in the room.

01:33:09.300 And I was like, man, that was really tough.

01:33:12.320 And he goes, hey, man, you know what?

01:33:14.840 He said in 10 years, nobody will remember this.

01:33:19.420 And I looked at him.

01:33:20.360 I said, well, yeah, I said, you would know.

01:33:23.740 And I respect it.

01:33:24.620 You know, I've told this story before, but it just made, it's like, you know, yeah, you take it.

01:33:30.560 And, but if he'd asked me that day, if right now, do I think I'd be, you know, doing well at comedy and working hard and coming up to and battling through these ranks,

01:33:39.980 even though they don't want to give it to me, they don't want to give it to some poor white kid.

01:33:44.520 Cause that goes against everything they ever thought out here. 0.98

01:33:48.340 No, if you're poor and white, you're just supposed to be racist. 1.00

01:33:50.760 You're just supposed to be ignorant. 1.00

01:33:52.840 You're just supposed to be untraveled. 0.99

01:33:54.480 You're just supposed to not, you know, no dreams are only for, you know, people of, you got to have some skin tone. 0.77

01:34:01.100 It's got to fit the commercial. 1.00

01:34:02.760 Fuck them. 1.00

01:34:04.940 Fuck them, bro. 1.00

01:34:07.340 So that's what I'm saying, dude, is I'm in this. 1.00

01:34:09.980 I'm in this thing.

01:34:12.940 And I didn't, and there were, and if you'd have asked me when I walked back behind that stage, I'd have been, I, you know,

01:34:20.320 and I was looking at Robert Downey Jr.

01:34:22.000 And I, man, I felt horrible.

01:34:24.180 I felt like I would never work again in this town.

01:34:26.740 I went back home, ate a bunch of pills and watched the first season of House of Cards.

01:34:33.000 I think, or I could have watched that show House.

01:34:38.360 I don't remember which one it was, dude.

01:34:39.600 I ate a lot of pills, bro.

01:34:42.380 But I was devastated.

01:34:43.520 I thought about leaving town.

01:34:45.740 Because I just had a room of 700 people in Hollywood.

01:34:48.760 There for a, I mean, this thing was huge, huge.

01:34:51.540 I had no idea it was going to be like this.

01:34:53.940 And here I am telling the, you know.

01:34:57.820 But here, but now, but that's not the story today.

01:35:00.260 Now I'm taking these meetings and these people coming at me with ideas and they come in to see what daddy's doing.

01:35:04.480 So what I'm saying is, you know, you're in a tough spot now.

01:35:09.700 Don't think that the future can't be different.

01:35:13.900 You could change it, man.

01:35:15.420 Hard work, perseverance.

01:35:18.900 Open your eyes, move your legs, man. 0.93

01:35:21.800 Dude, if you're an MMA fighter, I know you have it.

01:35:24.040 Do you have that physical side already mapped in?

01:35:26.880 It's mapped into your system, I bet.

01:35:29.520 So you just keep that, keep the physical side going.

01:35:31.780 And you'll be fine, man.

01:35:35.120 I promise you.

01:35:36.860 I bet you, if you don't give up on that MMA and that jiu-jitsu, even if you don't do it professionally to keep fighting.

01:35:42.760 Don't give up on it as a source in your life. 0.97

01:35:45.100 A lot of people have reached out to me recently and said, man, you should get into this shit because it helps you learn patience. 0.99

01:35:50.440 It helps you learn practicality. 0.99

01:35:53.100 Man, and I watch these men and they are gladiators.

01:35:55.300 They are warriors.

01:35:57.420 And I used to, I used to not like them fighting.

01:36:00.600 And I used to not like that.

01:36:03.440 You know, I grew up in a violent area with no protection and I felt scared.

01:36:08.240 You know, when I saw those fights, it reminded me some of that, I guess.

01:36:11.980 You know, and it made me feel scared.

01:36:15.180 But, so there's a couple of instances in there that can relate to what you're talking about and hear what they are. 0.99

01:36:19.660 I didn't give up and I'm still doing this shit. 0.97

01:36:24.100 And I'm still, you know, I'm not going to give up. 0.98

01:36:27.560 And Robert Downey Jr., when I saw him, he had been, I mean, I mean, at this part, people were making fun of him. 0.93

01:36:35.440 He was at a shitty party. 0.76

01:36:36.900 If I was there, it wasn't a good party, Jack. 1.00

01:36:39.960 And then, fast forward seven years and he's fucking Iron Man. 0.79

01:36:46.200 Okay, a man that is based off of one of the periodic elements. 0.96

01:36:50.880 So you just hold the line, man.

01:36:52.540 Stay the line.

01:36:54.660 And that's what's going on, man.

01:36:56.220 We're here in the new studio.

01:36:57.400 It's been good.

01:36:58.400 It's been fun.

01:37:00.140 And it's been good fun.

01:37:02.540 And look, I'm excited.

01:37:04.020 And I'm going to be here.

01:37:05.460 We'll be here this week.

01:37:07.340 Things are going to start to happen.

01:37:08.900 Thank you, everybody.

01:37:10.020 Thank you for calling in.

01:37:11.700 Thank you, Stevie Starlight, for kicking us off strong.

01:37:15.420 We got this.

01:37:18.400 You know what?

01:37:19.520 I'll tell you this.

01:37:20.100 I didn't come this far to stay where I am.

01:37:27.020 I didn't.

01:37:30.180 And if you need something to get in your heart and be a word or two,

01:37:34.040 then you take a little bit of that.

01:37:36.700 And I'm not preaching at you, man.

01:37:39.620 I'm working with you, man.

01:37:42.220 If you're struggling, you're in a moment of struggle.

01:37:48.480 You're not alone, man.

01:37:51.600 You are not alone.

01:37:54.820 Because I'll tell you who you got.

01:37:56.320 You have yourself.

01:37:57.660 You have yourself, man.

01:38:01.580 And you did not come this far to stay where you're at.

01:38:07.860 Be good to yourself, man.

01:38:09.160 You probably deserve it.

01:38:10.160 Thank you to everyone for the support.

01:38:13.560 I'm in a new studio today.

01:38:16.220 If you'd have asked me a year ago if I thought I could be here, I don't know.

01:38:21.920 I don't know.

01:38:23.220 I don't know.

01:38:24.720 But here I am.

01:38:25.740 And here you are.

01:38:28.120 We're here.

01:38:29.180 We did it, man.

01:38:30.160 We made it.

01:38:31.820 We made this, boy.

01:38:33.940 Fighter and the kid, that's what they get.

01:38:36.100 You don't give me a belt?

01:38:37.300 You don't give me a mug? 1.00

01:38:39.180 These motherfuckers say guest of the year. 1.00

01:38:41.380 And they didn't give me a dang little hat or a scarf or anything. 1.00

01:38:48.300 A shirt pin.

01:38:50.160 And they're saying guest of the year.

01:38:52.640 Not a stick or nothing.

01:38:55.400 And they cheat, you know.

01:38:56.420 And you know they're cheap skating.

01:38:58.340 Because Brennan Schaub over there wearing $70 socks.

01:39:03.520 You know Brian Callen over there doing Test 100.

01:39:07.460 And DECA.

01:39:09.080 And others, probably other Roy's from the 1980s.

01:39:12.340 And they're saying they ain't got the cash to get Daddy a little belt.

01:39:16.540 I don't believe that.

01:39:19.260 But you guys hit the hotline if you need me, man.

01:39:22.360 And it's 985-664-9503.

01:39:24.700 Danielle, thank you so much for calling in.

01:39:27.560 Thank you to Gio and those who responded to Gio.

01:39:30.020 Thank you to the new divorced dad and those who responded to him with some ideas.

01:39:34.440 I'm happy to be here.

01:39:36.080 And let's take it out with my boy, Stevie Starlight.

01:39:38.720 Thank you.

01:39:52.000 Thank you.

01:39:52.500 Thank you.

01:39:53.380 Thank you.

01:39:53.780 Thank you.

01:39:54.560 Thank you.

01:40:02.900 There could be higher than a mountain Set me free, just don't say goodbye

01:40:27.900 It's you and me, enjoy the destination Fantasy, painted on the wall

01:40:46.900 Tell them Stevie

01:40:48.900 It's never too late to come over

01:40:53.900 Time slips away from you and me now

01:41:05.900 So don't hesitate to come over

01:41:10.900 That's Stevie Starlight

01:41:12.900 Why must we wait when we're alive?

01:41:20.900 Take my time

01:41:24.900 Chances come along

01:41:27.900 Valentine

01:41:32.900 Nothing could go wrong

01:41:36.900 If I would be

01:41:40.900 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner. The answer may shock you.

01:41:53.900 Sometimes I'll interview my friends. Sometimes I won't. And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

01:42:00.900 You have three new voice messages.

01:42:03.900 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club. I've been talking about Kite Club for so long. Longer than anybody else. So great.

01:42:11.900 Hi, sweetheart. Here's a deal. Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. Charmaine. 1.00

01:42:19.900 Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

01:42:23.900 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:42:26.900 Oh, no!

01:42:28.900 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

01:42:31.900 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:42:35.900 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:42:39.900 Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts, or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:42:45.900 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - March 05, 2018

New Studio ｜ This Past Weekend #78

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