This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Nutvember

00:00:00.000 Oh, dude, I'm sitting here trying to have plans for the episode, plans.

00:00:09.500 You think about that, you're showing up, you know, I can't show up at life with plans.

00:00:16.420 That's, that is just trouble waiting to happen.

00:00:21.240 You bring in plans to a life fight.

00:00:24.860 Dude, life makes the plans.

00:00:29.520 You show up with too much plans, you're going to be disappointed every time.

00:00:33.580 You know, I got to stay in that flow.

00:00:35.780 I got to stay on that flow, Cain, baby, you feel me?

00:00:39.020 And just, you know, just, just let the Lord snort me as he shall.

00:00:54.860 I'm just sitting on your front porch, wondering how could I be so far from my home.

00:01:13.620 Yeah.

00:01:13.980 And my mind is somewhere else, but when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been blown.

00:01:26.340 Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be.

00:01:34.340 Cornerstone.

00:01:35.320 Come on.

00:01:36.440 Get with me.

00:01:37.040 Come on.

00:01:37.360 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.

00:01:42.100 I found I can feel it in my bones.

00:01:45.740 We can get the words wrong.

00:01:46.920 It's okay.

00:01:47.420 But it's going to take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself all mine shine that light on me.

00:02:02.420 I'll sit and tell you my stories shine on me.

00:02:14.100 And I will find a song I will sing it just for you.

00:02:25.160 Wow.

00:02:26.880 Wow.

00:02:28.040 Man.

00:02:29.280 You know what?

00:02:30.260 I'm grateful they let me use that song.

00:02:31.740 That's, uh, I'm taking the headphones off on this one for now.

00:02:35.520 That is Bishop Gunn, and that is their hit single, Shine.

00:02:41.800 And, uh, man, shine your light on me.

00:02:46.360 And that's what I need sometimes, just that warm.

00:02:49.580 Man, that light feels warm, doesn't it?

00:02:51.080 You got to stay in the warmth.

00:02:52.140 You got to stay in the light.

00:02:53.660 You got to be a little light, uh, you know, a little lighter pillar.

00:02:57.460 And you got to go crawling in the bright parts of the world.

00:03:03.320 You got to be a little lighter pillar.

00:03:06.260 And you got to go crawling into the bright parts of the world.

00:03:10.560 And look, man, that shine will hit you.

00:03:12.620 It's going to, you know, it's going to literally brush off on us if we crawl in the light parts of the world.

00:03:18.840 So, oh, man, um, good to be here with you guys today.

00:03:25.200 Thank you guys for joining me.

00:03:26.480 It is, it is, uh, November 5 in the year 2018.

00:03:34.960 Can you do 2018?

00:03:38.660 We are living in the future.

00:03:41.920 This is somebody's future.

00:03:46.000 You realize that?

00:03:48.260 This is somebody's straight up, just, you know, their brain outer space.

00:03:52.800 They couldn't fathom 2018.

00:03:56.720 And here we are.

00:03:59.420 Here we are living in it.

00:04:02.120 And, you know, kind of enjoying it and also complaining about a lot of shit.

00:04:08.820 Um, this episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza.

00:04:13.540 Gray Block Pizza.

00:04:15.180 It's, uh, it's at 1811 Pico Boulevard on the way to the beach in Los Angeles.

00:04:20.100 Gray Block.

00:04:20.980 Get that heater, baby.

00:04:22.480 And they got different types of pies in here.

00:04:25.700 And they got some really choice pies.

00:04:27.440 They got the Grecian.

00:04:28.880 The Grecian.

00:04:30.120 Grecian.

00:04:31.360 They got the deep cheese.

00:04:33.260 The Frenchie.

00:04:34.680 The Venice.

00:04:35.540 And Venice have spinach, sun-dried tomato with fiesta and mozzarella cheese on a tomato sauce, boy.

00:04:45.540 And so, you know, they trying to really, if they giving you the tomato and the, and the tomato sauce, man, you know.

00:04:53.120 Because you got a perv a little to squeeze that tomato out and leave a little bit of his own, you know, squired out on your, on your delectables there.

00:05:03.220 So, that's beautiful by them.

00:05:04.660 And that's Gray Block Pizza in Los Angeles.

00:05:06.860 And that's our charter sponsor.

00:05:09.060 Been with us since, not day one, but probably day 200.

00:05:13.080 Uh, happy November.

00:05:16.140 I just got back from Buffalo.

00:05:18.340 That B-Lo, baby.

00:05:20.940 And Buffalo, man, it is, uh, you know, it's, it's, uh, you know, Buffalo's that resilient city.

00:05:29.000 You know, and they want to, you know, sometimes, like, people want to talk about these cities.

00:05:32.200 They fell apart and they don't have anything left.

00:05:34.820 These Midwestern cities.

00:05:36.580 And Buffalo says, you know what?

00:05:40.040 Enough-a-lo, bruh.

00:05:41.960 We're coming back.

00:05:44.160 We got, we got, we got virility, bruh.

00:05:47.480 We still got a little bit of, um, you know, we still got a little bit of nut in our, in our nuts, in our nuts, in our nuts bag.

00:05:57.680 We still got a little bit of that newt.

00:05:59.700 You know, that ba-bam.

00:06:01.520 And that's Buffalo.

00:06:03.460 You know, you see people walking around.

00:06:05.260 You see a guy walking around there.

00:06:07.020 He got a chainsaw with him.

00:06:09.700 And he ready to work.

00:06:12.400 You know, sometime you used to see maybe a dude, he might have a crack, you know, a little bit of a crack pipe or like a, you know, a little empty bassinet.

00:06:20.660 And he looking for his son.

00:06:22.880 Or he looking for somebody's child, a small child to put in the bassinet.

00:06:27.580 But, um, now you see a man walking around.

00:06:29.900 He got a chainsaw.

00:06:31.740 You know, or he got a, um, you know.

00:06:34.980 You know, he got an, uh, an idea for a new app, a new, uh, mobile app.

00:06:39.380 And that's Buffalo, man, a resilient city.

00:06:42.680 They got a lot of call centers out there.

00:06:44.360 They got a lot of, uh, you know, they got, you know, they're really bouncing back in a lot of ways.

00:06:49.240 And they, they, but also, you know, they have, um, you know, it's for a lot of kids like to play, uh, you know, hockey.

00:06:58.400 It's a, it's a hockey place.

00:06:59.700 So it's become a real mecca for these like specific hockey hotels and these, um, junior leagues for hockey.

00:07:05.400 If you didn't know that about Buffalo and they will, you can get hockey ish up there and hockey is a sport, you know, hockey is for people that are, that want to fist fight.

00:07:23.880 But also it's like boxing, but people that are kind of want to be kind of at least a little bit nice about it, you know, like let's, you know, I don't want to punch you in the face, but I will fucking hit you with this stick.

00:07:35.520 And that's hockey and, and it's, you know, it's very respectable hockey.

00:07:43.120 They do it outdoors on frozen water.

00:07:45.580 A lot of sports, they come inside where it's nice and warm and stuff like that.

00:07:49.860 Hockey doesn't do that.

00:07:52.580 You know, hockey doesn't want to break the furniture or nothing like that.

00:07:55.840 Hockey wants to, uh, hockey wants to, hockey will be outdoors and say, Hey, you know, we're not gonna, uh,

00:08:05.340 fuck up the coffee table.

00:08:07.260 We're gonna, you know, we'll beat each other outdoors on this frozen water.

00:08:11.240 And it's really risky.

00:08:12.600 It's almost a little bit sensual.

00:08:13.800 If you like real, you know, ice cold sensuality, then that could be hockey for you.

00:08:20.820 Um, but I had a nice time in Buffalo, man.

00:08:23.260 Good people, good people came out to the show.

00:08:26.680 We had, you know, uh, this dude, this dude, little Edward came out and he had something's wrong with him.

00:08:36.040 You know, he very distant, bro.

00:08:38.480 And he reminded me of this kid when I was growing up, actually, that had a boy in my town.

00:08:43.540 Uh, and it was this little black guy, honestly, man.

00:08:47.740 And he was small, you know, he was probably anywhere from three to five and a half feet.

00:08:53.240 And, uh, and I think, I don't even know what his name was, bro.

00:08:57.720 You couldn't really get his name out of him.

00:09:00.140 You know, you kind of had, but you had, you couldn't get, because here's why you couldn't get his attention.

00:09:04.660 And he seemed really distant.

00:09:07.700 And you had to tap him on the shoulder four or five times, you know, and we called him a little distant daddy.

00:09:14.500 And he seemed, you know, he just, you almost had to wake him up like he was sleeping inside of himself.

00:09:21.380 You know, it would have been really good if the Lord would have put like a little doorbell on his shoulder.

00:09:25.280 And you could, you know, press it and then he'd go get himself and bring himself to the forefront of his own existence.

00:09:32.500 Because that's how it was trying to get him.

00:09:35.040 You know, a little distant daddy, you couldn't get his attention.

00:09:38.180 And you could do fireworks in front of his face or do a, um, and we wouldn't do that.

00:09:42.620 I'm just saying you could do that as a, you know, you could put a couple of, you know, you know, couple, you could put a fox in heat right out in front of him.

00:09:51.240 And if a fox is in heat, I don't know if you've ever seen a fox in heat, but a lot of animals try to come fuck a fox, bro.

00:09:58.640 Because in the animal kingdom, a fox, you know, a fox is like the Pamela Anderson of animals.

00:10:05.320 You know, every animal try to come fuck a fox.

00:10:07.560 They got, you know, birds will fly down.

00:10:09.920 You know, you'll see a damn nightingale come down with an erection, bro.

00:10:13.460 Trying to just park that thing into the back of a fox.

00:10:17.060 Because everything wants to fuck a fox.

00:10:18.860 People don't know that.

00:10:19.640 And these are things that they don't teach us.

00:10:23.720 And that sometime, you know, long ago, they used to teach children appropriate shit they could use in the world.

00:10:28.760 And now what are they teaching them, huh?

00:10:32.100 How to, uh, just be egomaniacs.

00:10:35.460 How to think they know it all.

00:10:37.660 We need to teach children good stuff.

00:10:39.440 And some of the things they used to teach us was a fox in heat.

00:10:44.200 That's everybody's treat.

00:10:46.640 Dude, they'd have animals.

00:10:47.660 You see a zebra, bro.

00:10:48.860 Trying to, you see a zebra fucking, you know.

00:10:52.360 He'll paint a horse or paint a donkey to, you know, to do his job for the day.

00:10:56.660 And he'll slip out of his own cage and try to go fuck a fox that's in heat.

00:11:01.700 And that's just the beauty of a, you know, a fox have that, is that beautiful of an animal.

00:11:06.180 And I've eaten fox, man.

00:11:09.440 I was talking to Jamie, uh, I was talking to Jamie Kennedy today in the airport.

00:11:13.880 I saw him, dude.

00:11:14.820 I love seeing Jamie Kennedy, man.

00:11:16.180 He makes me laugh.

00:11:17.060 He makes me, um, you know, he, I can tell that he likes me and he appreciates me and he respects me.

00:11:23.960 And so it makes me feel, you know, he makes me feel like cared about.

00:11:27.580 And, uh, you know, so I like talking to him.

00:11:32.460 And I like, I just trust being around him.

00:11:34.800 Some people, you know, I spent a lot of my life over the years when I think about it, especially being young,

00:11:40.960 in conversations with people that I didn't really even trust, really.

00:11:44.120 Just because I wanted their approval, you know, um, and man, I wish I wouldn't have done that.

00:11:52.300 You know, I think I did it because I didn't, uh, you know, I felt inferior or I felt, you know,

00:11:58.200 I needed somebody's approval or something to feel okay, you know, and I would just listen

00:12:04.420 and just bullshit out of idiots, you know, or people that I was afraid of.

00:12:08.620 I listen, you know, I just fear listening.

00:12:10.580 You ever listen out of sheer fear?

00:12:12.020 You're just like, oh, I'm so fucking scared.

00:12:15.560 I'm going to hear everything.

00:12:18.740 I used to be that nervous kind of child, you know, like that, that little nervous bad boy

00:12:23.840 like that, you know, or good boy, really, you know, just living through hell, man, but

00:12:32.180 listening for heaven, you know, uh, but I hate it.

00:12:35.920 You know, I wish I wouldn't have done that.

00:12:36.900 And now it's nice to be able to, in my time these days as an adult to just acknowledge in

00:12:41.560 my instincts, man.

00:12:42.580 This person makes me feel good.

00:12:44.780 You know, they might not be, uh, you know, they might not be, um, everybody's cup of tea

00:12:52.240 or whatever, but it doesn't matter.

00:12:54.420 They make me feel good.

00:12:55.720 And so I'm going to be around them and talk with them and I'm going to reverberate that

00:13:00.020 same vibe, you know, cause I'm that fucking bloomerang, dog.

00:13:06.060 If you're throwing out some beautiful blooms at me, man, you're giving me that blooming

00:13:09.240 energy, that blooming onion, dude.

00:13:11.480 And I ain't talking about genitalia.

00:13:13.100 I'm talking about, you know, heart and pure emotion, bro.

00:13:16.860 Top four organs that I think out of somebody's body first, before I think about genitalia.

00:13:21.240 Top one, um, heart, two, brain, brain right there second.

00:13:32.040 Boy, you better get your fucking, you better get that heart first, bro.

00:13:36.640 You know what I'm saying?

00:13:37.080 You better get that, that, that feeling brain.

00:13:40.240 That's what I want first.

00:13:42.960 That, that, that, that thicker ticker, man.

00:13:45.500 That's a heart.

00:13:46.760 Your brain is just a computer.

00:13:47.940 Computer, we got too many computers in the world.

00:13:50.760 So I go brain, uh, heart, I go heart, brain, what else?

00:13:58.180 Maybe liver, cause kidneys are confusing.

00:14:02.680 There's two of them.

00:14:03.580 What the fuck are y'all doing, bro?

00:14:05.600 You know what I'm saying?

00:14:06.100 Figure it out.

00:14:07.480 You expect us to figure out who's who, who's who, what, what?

00:14:11.040 Figure your shit out.

00:14:12.040 Make one kidney.

00:14:13.800 The fourth organ.

00:14:16.180 Um.

00:14:17.940 Uh, lungs.

00:14:20.020 I respect the lungs, because they're teamwork organs.

00:14:22.980 They're team workers.

00:14:25.200 Lungs need each other.

00:14:26.300 They work together.

00:14:27.960 You know, they're like, um, you know, they're like the Iditarod dogs of the human body.

00:14:35.300 You know, Iditarod dogs, if they're not happy, if they don't have a teammate, a partner up there,

00:14:39.760 you don't see somebody running, doing the Iditarod.

00:14:42.240 And the Iditarod is an Alaskan, uh, it's basically a way to get away from your wife and family for like about a month in Alaska, really.

00:14:50.900 And there's people in Alaska, they don't want to be, you know, they like having wind burn on their face.

00:14:56.920 And dude, people, I mean, you'll have a dude, a man start out, he'll be an Inuit, and by the end, he'll be out-U-It, you know?

00:15:05.100 His whole face will be frozen right off, he'll look like fucking Michael Jackson of Alaska.

00:15:10.040 You know, Michael Alaskson.

00:15:11.680 And this, it's a dangerous sport, and you basically drive across the country, let dogs pull you across the country

00:15:18.300 for, I think, buried treasure or something, I don't know where the fuck they pull you.

00:15:23.920 I mean, you know, dogs, dude, they don't give a fuck.

00:15:26.380 They'll pull you fucking for two months until they find a newspaper or something, and that's it.

00:15:31.040 And you're like, damn, this, the Iditarod, I thought this was amazing, you know, I did this whole thing,

00:15:36.200 you know, I just, I just lost to a damn sports section, you know, they got two, you know,

00:15:44.520 and you got to show up with real dogs, you got to show up with wolves.

00:15:47.940 You basically have to approach some wolves and find the biggest kind of little poisee in the group

00:15:53.340 and hire that one and his buddy or his sister or whatever.

00:15:58.160 Don't go out there with one dog.

00:16:00.580 For the Iditarod, nah, nah, that ain't right.

00:16:04.700 I mean, that's worse than human trafficking, dude.

00:16:07.580 When you see one dude out there on a, you know, it's just some shady fucking, you know,

00:16:14.020 some dark-skinned gen out there, and he's fucking got an, you know, a little, you know,

00:16:19.740 a Bichon out there out in front of him.

00:16:22.660 You're like, what the fuck, bruh?

00:16:25.960 No, that ain't a real thing.

00:16:27.780 And sometimes you'll see a brother out there just trying to find some chicks.

00:16:30.380 You'll see a brother out there, he got, you know, two pit bulls out there.

00:16:34.140 And he rode a prancer on the side of one of them and reindeer on the other one.

00:16:43.720 He rode reindeer on, like, dude, come on.

00:16:46.300 But he's out there, and he got these two, he'll be out there,

00:16:49.640 and he's just looking basically for some snow puss, bruh, you know.

00:16:53.960 His brothers go deep to find the ladies.

00:16:55.720 They love ladies.

00:16:57.520 And also, you can find, who else out there on Iditaroddo?

00:17:01.740 You'll see some time, like, they're, you know, kind of, you know,

00:17:05.100 like a homoerotic type of man out there with a little Bichon.

00:17:09.400 And the Bichon, cold as fuck, he's got on, like, nine suits.

00:17:14.420 You know, he's got on, like, an astronaut helmet, the Bichon.

00:17:17.780 And he's pulling this one little, you know, and the dude, he ain't even paying attention.

00:17:23.080 This guy, you know, little whatever his name is, fucking Slippery Arthur or whatever this dude is.

00:17:30.100 Now, he's up there, he's on Grindr.

00:17:31.500 He's just playing Grindr the whole time.

00:17:34.320 He's out there just, you know, looking for some Eskimos, looking for some of that ice cut, you know.

00:17:42.260 Looking for some of that icy pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.

00:17:48.020 And that's Iditarod.

00:17:49.200 Anyway, I'm just telling you what the Iditarod is.

00:17:50.840 It's people basically looking for buried treasure and they use dogs to do it.

00:17:54.680 But if you show up to the Iditarod with only one, you know, the good dogs and, you know, the soft wolves,

00:18:02.620 they won't go hard if they don't have a partner.

00:18:05.680 And that's factual, dude.

00:18:06.960 That's one of the facts from a higher power.

00:18:09.100 That's not me.

00:18:09.780 I'm not telling you that out of my brain.

00:18:11.120 And that's something that's, you know, from a higher power.

00:18:13.440 And so you can, and that's in the books and everything.

00:18:16.160 That's in a library, basically.

00:18:18.740 In the library when I was growing up, that was, it was like your dad, but it was in a building.

00:18:25.380 And, man, you go in there, dude, and it's, but anyway, yeah, the lungs.

00:18:31.320 The lungs have to work together.

00:18:32.380 So that's the fourth organ that I respect the most.

00:18:34.400 After that, straight up full body wiener, that's that fifth organ.

00:18:38.160 Because the wiener, you don't really need it until you're ready.

00:18:44.920 Until you're ready to procreate.

00:18:46.580 Because you can just, I mean, be honest, we can just piss out of a little hole in our body.

00:18:52.760 You know, we can just, I mean, man could have a vagina if he just took his wiener off.

00:19:01.700 And got very angry sometimes.

00:19:08.340 And, you know, let Mother Nature kind of push his buttons in the background.

00:19:12.860 You know, once a month.

00:19:15.360 And he also gave better hugs.

00:19:22.360 And if man could do all of that, then, then I think that they could probably, if they were able to take off their wiener, they could be a, they could have a shot at being a woman.

00:19:38.860 But anyhow, but what, I don't know what I was talking about, man.

00:19:42.600 I never know what I'm talking about.

00:19:45.300 And then for brief moments, I do, I guess.

00:19:47.440 But I'm grateful to be here with you guys, man.

00:19:52.200 And I just want to say this, man.

00:19:54.040 Support the podcast.

00:19:54.820 So many people come out and support it.

00:19:56.440 Continue to support it.

00:19:57.880 And I'm grateful to the people that have come out.

00:20:00.500 You know, and I love, I'm grateful to get to go see.

00:20:02.280 I get to go see Buffalo and I see people that come out, man.

00:20:06.480 Dude, they had a guy that came out.

00:20:09.940 And he, he came out, I think, Thursday or Friday.

00:20:14.060 And man, you could tell it meant a lot to him.

00:20:17.520 You know, he's standing there and he was kind of tearing up, you know.

00:20:21.920 And he was like, hey, man, you know, you were, you know, your podcast has really meant a lot to me.

00:20:28.400 That's what he told me.

00:20:31.680 And I could see it, you know, I could feel it in his face.

00:20:35.480 I could feel it in his face, man.

00:20:36.920 Because our eyes are just, you know, they're just, they're just wet balls of fear.

00:20:45.660 But they really want to be hugs.

00:20:49.420 And I could see in his eyes, you know, he had just these kind of fearful hugs going on at the same time.

00:20:54.380 Those battlers.

00:20:55.340 And I get them.

00:20:56.860 You know, I get them a lot when you're, you get those battlers, man.

00:21:00.240 You know, when your eyes are just, you know, they just, you want to express emotion.

00:21:09.460 You know, and this guy, he was just feeling his emotions, man.

00:21:11.800 And I respected it, you know.

00:21:13.840 And he's like, hey, man, I love you, you know.

00:21:16.860 I really love you.

00:21:17.680 And I just want to tell that guy, you know, I don't know if I got to express to him, I love you too, man.

00:21:22.060 You know.

00:21:23.280 And not, you know, I'm not trying to be wild with you or nothing like that.

00:21:26.740 You know, I never, you know, I've never owned a van or nothing like that or anything.

00:21:32.100 You know, and I babysat overnight.

00:21:33.860 Everybody knows that kind of thing about me.

00:21:35.780 I'm not trying to be wild with you.

00:21:37.980 You know, I'm not trying to shake your hand and then keep moving my hand up your body, up your arm, and up your, you know,

00:21:43.360 into the nape of your neck and down your body like that.

00:21:46.340 And next thing you know, I'm introducing myself to your wiener and all of that and everything.

00:21:50.360 I'm not doing that.

00:21:51.280 There's a lot of shady men that do that.

00:21:55.180 Trust me, I live in Los Angeles.

00:21:57.700 Dude, you have no clue how many, you know, men out here offering handshakes.

00:22:03.620 And really, the whole time, they're just trying to, you know, know how much your balls weigh.

00:22:10.300 So they can be fancy back at their house and they want you to see their artwork or something.

00:22:15.860 Dude, artwork?

00:22:20.360 Bro.

00:22:21.280 Do you think I care about artwork?

00:22:24.100 Because if I go looking at it hard enough, you're going to sneak around and try to paint a picture of your face down between my booty.

00:22:35.500 And so I know what's going on here.

00:22:37.520 Some boy trying to be sneaky.

00:22:39.060 And, you know, everybody's got their desires, but don't sneak them around on me.

00:22:46.520 You know, because that kind of stuff happens to men, too.

00:22:49.180 It's a dark, the dark arts are alive here in Los Angeles.

00:22:52.560 People thinking they can just buy your way, you know, aggressively buy their way into your insecurities.

00:23:05.280 It's crazy, man.

00:23:08.300 You know, they have the securities exchange.

00:23:09.960 They should have the insecurities exchange because they got a lot of sneaky men out here.

00:23:14.100 And that's dark arts.

00:23:15.420 What was I talking about?

00:23:17.440 Man, my brain is like on a nature trail.

00:23:19.280 My brain today feels like it's just running from the police.

00:23:22.040 And it's just going to, you know, it's going.

00:23:25.500 It's ducking through the woods this way and through that way.

00:23:28.000 To whoever.

00:23:30.340 Oh, sorry.

00:23:31.240 But this young man came out, man.

00:23:33.080 And it just.

00:23:40.100 Man, I appreciated it.

00:23:42.180 You know, because for a second inside of him, man, he was like real vulnerable.

00:23:45.100 And he was telling me how he felt.

00:23:46.620 And I.

00:23:48.660 You know, I needed that.

00:23:50.340 You know, I needed that to kind of bring me into a place more of vulnerability sometimes.

00:23:54.400 You know, because that's one thing I loved about this podcast when it started.

00:23:58.780 And it's going to get back there.

00:23:59.780 And it is back there.

00:24:00.700 It has its moments.

00:24:02.460 You know, but there was really, you know, I was really.

00:24:05.960 You know, to be honest, I came to this podcast in the beginning with some vulnerability.

00:24:09.960 Just talking about my life and fear.

00:24:12.760 And then.

00:24:14.200 And my fears.

00:24:15.720 And then now it's wild because since there's more listeners, I get afraid sometimes I think to.

00:24:20.860 Or, you know, my ego gets in it.

00:24:22.400 I don't know sometimes if I'm connecting the same way.

00:24:26.220 But.

00:24:27.520 I think that there's always going to be a level of.

00:24:31.840 Adaptation.

00:24:34.000 And, you know, you don't realize that you've got to turn the stove.

00:24:38.480 Off.

00:24:39.700 Until you until your house is on fire.

00:24:42.560 When your house is on fire, you're like, oh, fuck, I can cut the stove off because.

00:24:46.320 You know.

00:24:50.020 This fire is going to heat up these, you know, these tostadas or whatever I'm making out here.

00:24:55.200 These little.

00:24:56.320 I like to make pop tarts with peanut butter melted on.

00:24:59.020 Bro, I don't tell anybody.

00:25:00.300 Don't tell anybody, dude.

00:25:02.600 If you tell anybody, I'm going to be upset.

00:25:04.860 But I like to make those.

00:25:06.340 You know, I get those beautiful.

00:25:08.360 Bro, that's like a damn birthday cake.

00:25:10.300 Like when I was growing up, some of my mom would slip up and she, you know, because I grew up in that household where if they had peanut butter in the house, people were hiding it.

00:25:21.760 You know, people.

00:25:22.560 I remember they had this board game about the game clue, and I didn't understand it.

00:25:26.160 People hiding from each other in a nice house.

00:25:29.840 I'm like, why are y'all hiding, man?

00:25:31.220 Y'all should be enjoying this shit.

00:25:32.760 But then my mom, she put it to me like that.

00:25:36.320 She's like, well, just pretend it's like somebody in our house, you know, when we got peanut butter.

00:25:42.760 And I was like, oh, man, you don't know who's got the peanut butter.

00:25:46.700 Because in our house, somebody would hide the peanut butter.

00:25:48.800 If you had, dude, when the peanut butter came out of mom's thing, if she didn't fucking hide it, somebody better hide that shit.

00:25:59.140 Bro, when you were poor, peanut butter, the closest thing to a fucking steak.

00:26:02.760 That's a whole, you know, that's a 40-ounce jar of filet mignons, baby.

00:26:08.900 That's spreadable fucking.

00:26:11.740 That's that spreadable, you know, whatever, bro.

00:26:17.880 That's that spreadable.

00:26:19.040 That's that spreadable sirloin.

00:26:22.460 That's that spreadable sirloin, peanut butter.

00:26:25.600 And you wouldn't know who had it.

00:26:27.980 So you were constantly like, you know, quizzing people.

00:26:31.340 Smelling people's breath because peanut butter is that hunt.

00:26:34.460 You can't, something you could hide if you're eating.

00:26:37.360 You could hide the smell if you've had about 40.

00:26:39.520 Dude, you could have 50 gummy bears.

00:26:41.580 You sick bastard.

00:26:44.060 You eating bears, bro.

00:26:45.500 You don't think that, you don't think that mother nature's remembering that shit.

00:26:49.040 And next time you're out there hiking or gardening, you're growing a couple of radishes and blah, blah, blah, a real bear gets your ass.

00:26:58.340 That's candy karma, son.

00:26:59.720 Look out.

00:27:00.220 You know, that's just like when you have, you know, you addicted to Butterfingers and you at one of these Hollywood meetings and fucking, you know, some soft boss out here gives you that Captain Lou Albano or something.

00:27:13.620 And you're like, whoa, whoa.

00:27:18.000 What was I talking about?

00:27:19.320 What a, oh man, I was enjoying what I was talking about too.

00:27:26.440 Um.

00:27:33.700 Let me see what I was talking about.

00:27:35.600 I know what I was talking about, dude, because I'm going back in time in my head.

00:27:38.680 My brain is slow like that.

00:27:40.880 Dude, my brain, it's like a, um.

00:27:44.280 My brain sometimes it feels like a.

00:27:47.060 A.

00:27:49.320 I don't know if it feels like it's running from something or running towards something.

00:27:59.880 You know what?

00:28:00.480 That's actually kind of an interesting question just to ask ourselves, you know.

00:28:07.380 Do we feel like we are running from something or moving away from something or toward something in our life?

00:28:19.320 And if one is better than the other, you know, or if, if, if, if, sorry, I'm just thinking out loud here.

00:28:27.660 If, if, or I'm not sorry, I'm thinking out loud.

00:28:30.460 That's what this whole podcast is for, for me to think out loud, man.

00:28:37.960 But, um.

00:28:38.780 But, yeah, I'm like, I'm wondering, like, I'm trying to get that feeling in me, in my life.

00:28:45.120 Am I running from, am I moving towards something?

00:28:47.800 Or am I moving away from something?

00:28:54.600 And then if I am, is one of them by, like, am I running from something or am I running towards something?

00:29:01.320 Like, if you're running towards something, there's excitement.

00:29:03.380 If you're running from something, there's fear.

00:29:05.000 So I'm just, I'm just wondering, uh, which one it is.

00:29:10.200 And maybe we'll call that wondering.

00:29:13.540 Sometimes I wonder.

00:29:16.760 Dude, this, that's kind of crazy.

00:29:18.280 That's kind of neat.

00:29:19.800 That we just thought that up together.

00:29:23.820 I'm wondering.

00:29:25.760 Which, what am I, where am I going?

00:29:27.580 Am I going towards something right now?

00:29:29.120 Or am I going from something?

00:29:30.120 Is something pulling me?

00:29:32.860 Is something pushing me?

00:29:34.500 Am I moving at my own will?

00:29:36.420 Am I moving by choice?

00:29:37.600 Am I moving by fear?

00:29:39.780 What's, is there something in front of me?

00:29:41.500 Something behind me?

00:29:42.400 Where's my Geppetto at?

00:29:44.300 You know, where's the strings?

00:29:46.360 What's going on here with me?

00:29:50.280 And I think at the beginning, you know, and, and I keep talking about this podcast.

00:29:54.220 Like, you know, because here's the thing.

00:29:55.920 I feel like this could, the community in this podcast is a good opportunity.

00:29:58.900 I noticed that.

00:29:59.580 I've noticed a good opportunity my whole life.

00:30:02.460 And when I see groups of people coming out to these shows, man, it's people that are loving people.

00:30:08.100 I mean, loving people in the world.

00:30:10.820 And I know that we are building a neat community.

00:30:14.520 And I don't mean that I'm building it.

00:30:17.760 Because even just like on that rendering idea, some people are like, oh, it's a stupid idea.

00:30:21.220 They shut the show off.

00:30:22.100 That's fine.

00:30:23.600 But I couldn't come up with the idea.

00:30:25.200 I couldn't help come up with the idea if you guys weren't listening there with me and being a safe place for me to think and feel.

00:30:32.280 You know, it's kind of sad that in the world today, dude, people can't even have a thought or feeling without feeling they're going to lose their job.

00:30:42.140 You know, or the feeling they're going to lose their voice.

00:30:48.460 Dude, how many people during the election are afraid to probably vote or think or ask a question because they feel that their boss would fire them or they'd be unwelcome in their neighborhood or their apartment building?

00:31:05.280 You know, and I'm not making it political, man.

00:31:10.460 But I'm just, you know, I'm trying to think of things where, you know, people where we just feel like we can't do something.

00:31:19.120 But man, I was enjoying one of the thoughts that I was having earlier.

00:31:22.780 And now I can't remember what it is.

00:31:25.260 Yeah, I don't know where my train of thought is just, my train of thought is just, I don't know, left the station or somewhere.

00:31:31.420 It's lost.

00:31:31.900 If you see a train in your local area on the street, then, you know, it could be, it could be an idea that I had the other day or today right now that just left and landed somewhere out by you.

00:31:44.840 But yeah, it was just like, you know, getting back to the guy that came out, it was just like, you know, it was just nice, man.

00:31:51.060 It's nice to see emotions.

00:31:53.400 I feel like emotions are going to be something that's going to be in a museum one day.

00:31:57.240 You know, and that's why sometimes I'm like, we live in this time where we scared to even have emotions are these little baby bears that are climbing around our ribcage always.

00:32:08.640 You know, emotions are these beautiful little tricksters, you know, they're doing handstands.

00:32:13.120 And some of the bears are hiding behind the cage and, you know, some of them, there's always a couple of bears down by the bottom ribs, you know.

00:32:21.980 One of them's got his face painted up like Marilyn Manson's and they, you know, touching their little, you know, they touching their little candy sticks, you know.

00:32:30.580 But, but bears are, you know, our feelings are like these little bears that are just climbing around on our ribcage.

00:32:39.740 And this is our, this is their, you know, this is their monkey bars.

00:32:45.260 And our feelings used to be more like monkeys, you know, and they were more like primal kind of, you know.

00:32:51.820 And now they're more like bear bars, you know.

00:32:53.980 Our feelings are a little softer sometimes and people sensitive and the bear will slip off the bars.

00:33:01.320 And fall down into a lawsuit, you know, but it's like, you know, our ribcages are like monkey bars for our emotions.

00:33:11.440 And, and I don't want our emotions to be something that disappear from the world.

00:33:16.060 And technology is something that takes those.

00:33:19.480 But we have to just, you know, but we have to work with it.

00:33:23.280 So I think sometimes they should have laws on how much technology there can be.

00:33:27.680 People are like, that's crazy.

00:33:28.740 That's not crazy.

00:33:30.580 There's laws on how, on how much cocaine you can do and drive around.

00:33:37.180 Yeah, they won't allow any, which I think it might be a little off.

00:33:41.360 You know what I'm saying?

00:33:43.000 So now my little pop will help you get, you know, help you get through light traffic if you feel me.

00:33:50.100 But if you're out there just, you know, dusting yourself off, you know, if you're out there just fucking doing drywall in your own interior, you know, you serving your brain just fucking desert dunes, then you're going to, that's not safe.

00:34:06.320 But his technology, this shit is a hell of a drug.

00:34:13.640 Dude, I saw a kid the other day.

00:34:15.100 I talked to him for 40 minutes.

00:34:16.340 He didn't even know I was there.

00:34:17.680 He didn't know I was there.

00:34:22.300 I had to impersonate a pop-up advertisement to even get his attention for a second.

00:34:28.220 And then he just like kind of, it's like they had an X right here and he just kind of pressed it by my head.

00:34:34.860 I'm like, Jesus Christ.

00:34:37.700 Just a different time.

00:34:40.060 But yeah, I think our rib cages are like these places, you know, they used to be monkey bars for our feelings.

00:34:45.900 And then that, and so I respect that when I see an emotion from somebody that's real, you know, I'm kind of a romanticist, I guess, in that sense.

00:34:52.740 I'm kind of a traditionalist.

00:34:54.200 And I love those things, man.

00:34:56.280 And so I love the fact when anybody's brave enough to share some thoughts or some real emotions.

00:35:01.020 And that's what I, you know, that's one thing that I love.

00:35:04.860 And those are the types of things.

00:35:06.600 Those people that come out to our shows, you know, they're real.

00:35:10.060 There's a lot of emotional, just real people.

00:35:12.840 And I love that, man.

00:35:14.180 I appreciate it.

00:35:15.480 We had some police officers came out up from Miami-Dade, bruh.

00:35:20.540 I respect those guys.

00:35:21.800 They came out.

00:35:23.340 Everybody's always hard on the police, the police.

00:35:25.640 Dude, these aren't dudes.

00:35:26.480 These aren't scientists.

00:35:28.140 They're out there fucking fighting bad guys.

00:35:32.100 And doing the best they can.

00:35:33.520 You go fight a fucking bad guy.

00:35:37.520 You can't, you afraid to even, you know, give your 13-year-old son a spanking.

00:35:41.100 You can't even watch the Danielle Cormier fight, you know, shot out Louisiana.

00:35:47.840 You can't even watch that without, you know, making sure all your doors are locked.

00:35:52.580 I can't anyway.

00:35:55.120 And then here I got, and I'm going to sit there and tweet about cops or complain about cops.

00:35:59.880 Fuck anybody that's complaining about shit on Twitter, man.

00:36:04.040 And if I do it, fuck me.

00:36:06.420 Fuck me as well.

00:36:07.740 Bunch of wimps.

00:36:10.160 You know, a bunch of freaking wimps.

00:36:12.640 The world gets better.

00:36:13.560 We get out and make it better, man.

00:36:15.220 And good people are coming out to these shows.

00:36:17.960 And sorry, I'm getting agitated about that, but I really feel that.

00:36:21.340 And we're going to do some cool stuff together as a group as time goes on.

00:36:26.040 And that's one thing that I love about this podcast group.

00:36:28.800 It's not just a, you know, I think, and I'm not trying to sound egotistical.

00:36:35.080 You know, I feel like we're just creating.

00:36:37.220 So many people send me messages and emails and just say nice things.

00:36:43.360 Dude, I get here.

00:36:44.780 I'll put one of these.

00:36:45.420 We'll go to a couple of voicemails.

00:36:46.620 I get like 50 of these a day, man, in some facet.

00:36:50.020 I'm not joking, bro.

00:36:50.800 What's up, Theo?

00:36:51.900 It's Brian down in South Florida.

00:36:54.880 I was just listening to your podcast, and you were talking.

00:36:58.200 In South Florida, dude, that's basically a hurricane.

00:37:01.120 That's a hurricane.

00:37:02.820 I mean, that's basically a summer.

00:37:05.440 That's a summer.

00:37:06.600 That is a, that's Martha's Vineyard for hurricanes.

00:37:09.300 When hurricanes are hatched out in wherever, wherever they hatch them out there, Voldemort

00:37:13.800 or the Middle East or whatever, you know they're making these things out in the Middle East.

00:37:18.060 Hurricanes, look where they come from every time.

00:37:20.180 Right over there.

00:37:22.100 Right for us.

00:37:24.120 Dude, they're manufacturing these things.

00:37:26.580 And then they buy, you know, and then they're doing all these insurance claims and shit.

00:37:30.340 Let's liven up that S.

00:37:32.820 But thank you for calling, man.

00:37:34.860 And thank you for being alive still if you live in South Florida.

00:37:37.160 And we're talking about this time of year and kind of new beginnings.

00:37:41.800 And I just wanted to let you know, man, yesterday I went to court and they let me off of probation.

00:37:48.420 That's what I'm saying, boy.

00:37:51.200 We got him off.

00:37:54.400 Who is this dude again?

00:37:55.640 Sorry, man.

00:37:56.140 Let me go back and listen from the beginning.

00:37:57.640 Sorry.

00:37:57.920 What's up, Theo?

00:37:59.520 It's Brian down in South Florida.

00:38:02.220 Brian, not guilty.

00:38:05.340 Not guilty.

00:38:06.200 What do you even do, dude?

00:38:07.100 I was just listening to your podcast and you were talking about this time of year and kind

00:38:12.460 of new beginnings.

00:38:13.920 And I just wanted to let you know, man, yesterday I went to court and they let me off of probation.

00:38:20.420 Your boy is free after a whole year.

00:38:23.620 And they even wiped my record clean.

00:38:27.800 So I feel like I got a fresh start.

00:38:30.600 And I just wanted to really thank you because it was a hard year.

00:38:34.500 And every Monday you kind of kept me up.

00:38:37.500 And then on Thursday you kind of got me through the end of the week.

00:38:41.420 And you really helped me out.

00:38:43.260 And I'm going to take this opportunity with a clean slate to just kind of live for my

00:38:50.080 new daughter and for myself and for my family.

00:38:53.240 And I just want to thank you, Theo.

00:38:55.020 You help a lot of people.

00:38:57.320 Gang, gang, Papa.

00:38:59.020 You know, and I appreciate the nice words, man.

00:39:01.900 Dude, you help a lot of people by sharing that story.

00:39:04.120 That's what I'm, this is a perfect exam.

00:39:07.840 Dude, we're just little share bears, you know?

00:39:10.620 We're just little share bears out here crawling around the rib cage looking for some real

00:39:14.000 feelings.

00:39:15.420 And then your boy, Brian, okay, free Brian, this dude.

00:39:23.180 We don't even know what he did.

00:39:24.120 He might have fucking, you know, two of Brian's cousins might be missing.

00:39:27.780 We don't know.

00:39:29.840 We don't know what's going on.

00:39:31.660 He gets to spend time with his daughter.

00:39:33.100 We don't know.

00:39:35.480 But, but we appreciate that he shows up.

00:39:39.320 And he comes in on Monday and this is what we're a part of.

00:39:42.620 Because by people listening, that's how I'm here.

00:39:45.520 I come on, you know?

00:39:46.840 And so it's a team effort.

00:39:48.000 That's what I feel like.

00:39:48.820 I really, really do feel that way.

00:39:51.020 You know, yeah, everybody wants listenership for the shows and they want people to, you

00:39:54.480 know, tune in and stuff like that.

00:39:55.840 And yes, I've always wanted that.

00:39:57.320 But the show's grown.

00:39:58.540 It's grown, man.

00:40:00.280 It's grown.

00:40:01.340 We're going to have the listenership.

00:40:04.020 You know, and now it's just like, what do we do with it as a community?

00:40:06.460 Because we can do some cool stuff down the road as a group.

00:40:10.240 We can do cool stuff in different communities and all types of stuff like that.

00:40:14.420 But dude, thank you, Brian, for being a part of it.

00:40:16.680 And get out there and take your girl to do something.

00:40:19.240 You know, maybe buy your girl a little, you know, with something special.

00:40:23.440 Get her a little, a shovel or something.

00:40:26.880 Teach her how to look for treasure.

00:40:28.320 Because you do that, man.

00:40:31.000 You teach a little daughter to look for treasure.

00:40:33.760 Not out here in the world by chasing being a gold digger.

00:40:37.940 But you give, you know, you know what they say.

00:40:41.220 Show a woman a rich old dude and they'll eat for a month.

00:40:48.640 But give a woman a, um, a metal detector and that bitch will seek out her own future.

00:40:58.600 And, uh, and that's what I'm saying, man.

00:41:01.140 I wish we had, like, a cute little shovel we could even mail, you know, to you to give to your daughter as a gift.

00:41:07.140 Because, you know, I respect the hard working woman more than anything.

00:41:09.820 And I hope you raise one of those, man.

00:41:11.440 Because life is about hard work, bro.

00:41:14.520 And I'm out here and I'm fucking feeling soft a lot of times.

00:41:17.420 But sometimes I feel a little bit proud of myself.

00:41:20.660 And, uh, and I don't know, man.

00:41:23.560 My brain's all over the place today.

00:41:25.220 But I'm grateful to be here and be in a safe place where I can share it.

00:41:29.260 Because these days people can't do it anymore.

00:41:31.820 And we're lucky.

00:41:32.640 And that's what we're keeping here, baby.

00:41:34.800 This is the fucking hive, son.

00:41:37.600 This is a hive, bro.

00:41:38.980 A curious crew, heroes up in here.

00:41:42.440 Um, you know, I know some of that shit sounds crazy and stuff.

00:41:47.180 But I feel like we can do some cool shit.

00:41:49.680 You know, and I'm not going to be ashamed to feel hopeful.

00:41:53.000 This is a hive of fucking hopeful bees, bro.

00:41:56.320 And we're going to, every now and then we're going to sneak over and stang Brandon Showers.

00:42:01.580 Brandon Showers.

00:42:04.780 But thank you for that call, man.

00:42:07.160 You're welcome, dude.

00:42:08.020 You're welcome.

00:42:08.480 And thank you for showing up every single week.

00:42:10.040 That's what I got.

00:42:10.480 Let's take another call that came in here.

00:42:12.120 The hotline, as always, is 985-664-9503.

00:42:16.980 And I want to let you know, I'm grateful that, remember we did Man Up a while back.

00:42:22.200 And we had Josh and a few other guys that came on.

00:42:25.440 You know, Bobby Lee came on as a guest on an episode.

00:42:28.380 And next thing you know, we made three episodes for Comedy Central.

00:42:31.620 Well, now Comedy Central wants to make a pilot of the show.

00:42:34.140 And so now they are, we're going to do it again.

00:42:40.520 So if you have, you know, if you're struggling, you're a man that's struggling with something real.

00:42:44.840 I'm not trying to take advantage of your situation.

00:42:48.940 This is, you know, obviously genuine.

00:42:50.880 I want to be able to, you know, offer an experience that could be helpful.

00:42:54.160 But you live in Los Angeles or somewhere in America and you think it could be a good fit for this.

00:42:59.760 You know, hit us up.

00:43:04.540 Drop us a call, 985-664-9503 and leave us a voicemail.

00:43:10.000 Now, with that said, that is, if you're also a guy who doesn't want to have anything to do with that

00:43:14.340 and just wants to share what's going on in his week or is struggling with something,

00:43:17.560 or a young lady, you can hit the hotline as well.

00:43:20.780 You know, or a young lady that might have an eye, you know, for the show or not for the show.

00:43:27.480 But you can hit the hotline as well.

00:43:30.060 And that's always a safe space first.

00:43:33.100 That's a safe place first.

00:43:35.460 You know, and secondarily, this is something we're going to do.

00:43:37.660 And I'm excited about it.

00:43:39.360 You know, it's like, you know, and I've had different thoughts over the years about Hollywood

00:43:42.740 and, you know, how I've, you know, felt unwelcome here at times and stuff like that.

00:43:49.980 But here's the thing about the world is, man, you have to meet the world where it's at.

00:43:53.560 You know, and sometimes, and sometimes things will adjust, and sometimes you will adjust.

00:44:03.460 But you can't, if you're walking, if I'm walking around all the, if I'm walking, I'm saying you,

00:44:07.280 and I'm sorry, I've started to say that recently, and that's when I know I'm getting too into my own world.

00:44:11.680 And I need to go to more meetings and connect with more humans.

00:44:15.420 When I start saying you instead of saying, you know, we, or when I start pointing at somebody and not pointing at myself.

00:44:22.100 You know, because nobody should do anything.

00:44:26.780 You know why?

00:44:27.560 Because nobody's going to do anything that I want.

00:44:30.560 Because they don't know what I want.

00:44:31.920 A lot of this shit's in my head.

00:44:33.480 Only I know what's going on with me.

00:44:36.900 And I got to come at the world, you know, and I have to meet the world where it's at.

00:44:41.860 If you're sitting around bitching about the way something is,

00:44:46.140 but you're so far off in a different direction that you're never going to be able to associate there or work there.

00:44:54.480 You know, it's like if you were living in Alaska.

00:44:57.520 But you waiting to fucking catch some sunshine.

00:45:01.580 And you just sitting by your window all day and you got your tan and oil.

00:45:06.020 And you got a couple of fucking cigarettes you stole maybe from your stepmother or something.

00:45:10.760 You know, because she's fully Italian, bro.

00:45:13.560 And full Italian, dude.

00:45:15.140 They're born with a cigarette in the back of the throat.

00:45:18.060 You know, they got all kind of nice stuff at the house.

00:45:22.260 Usually a little pack of mist, you know, Virginia slams.

00:45:27.260 And, you know, black olives.

00:45:29.840 Those little cans of black olives, dude.

00:45:32.220 A full Italian woman, they'll keep a couple black olives in a brassiere, bro.

00:45:36.920 You know, they'll joke with you.

00:45:38.240 You pull the bra off and you think it's nipples.

00:45:40.100 And they're like, oh, no, it's an old Italian, you know, joke.

00:45:42.840 These are two black olives.

00:45:44.120 And she hands you one and you have.

00:45:46.240 Y'all have a little snack before y'all get into a little breast play or something.

00:45:50.020 You know, a little mutually agreeable breast play.

00:45:53.160 Am I talking about doing something deviant?

00:45:55.880 You know, this ain't me too.

00:45:57.580 This is meat lovers.

00:45:58.760 You know what I'm saying?

00:45:59.300 This is Italian.

00:46:00.080 But, oh, sorry.

00:46:04.100 See, somehow my brain goes on those tangents.

00:46:06.180 And I can't get back to what my thoughts are.

00:46:08.900 You know, people brush their teeth every day and a lot of people are doing it wrong.

00:46:12.280 You're still using a toothbrush?

00:46:13.900 What, are you just driving a horse to work?

00:46:16.020 Come on, man.

00:46:17.420 People brush too hard and some electric toothbrushes are too abrasive.

00:46:20.600 Well, Quip has a built-in two-minute timer that pulses every 30 seconds to remind you when to switch sides.

00:46:26.420 That way you get a full, even clean.

00:46:28.200 It's basically just like it tells you how to do it.

00:46:31.100 Quit thinking if you want to.

00:46:33.640 Quip declutters your sink or cabinet and makes traveling with an electric toothbrush easier.

00:46:37.700 Three out of four of us use bristles that are old, worn, and ineffective.

00:46:41.480 Dude, some of us, honestly, guys, even use the one that we use to clean our shoes to clean our teeth.

00:46:45.520 That's true.

00:46:46.040 Well, now you can get a Quip toothbrush.

00:46:49.220 It's beautiful.

00:46:49.840 It's sleek.

00:46:50.360 It's patented.

00:46:51.340 Man, it looks so flush.

00:46:52.720 If you like, you know, fancy-looking things, then this is your thing, bro.

00:46:57.100 This is the, you know, this is the calamari of teeth brushing.

00:47:00.780 So go to Quip.

00:47:03.860 All right.

00:47:05.040 And that is so designer, man.

00:47:07.040 It's designer.

00:47:07.600 That's why I love Quip.

00:47:09.080 And that's why I love Quip.

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00:47:28.120 That's your first refill pack for free.

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00:47:44.320 See how you feel about it slash weekend for your first, for a free refill pack with your Quip electronic toothbrush.

00:47:52.880 You know, that's like, yeah, if you're waiting for the sunshine in Alaska and you're sitting by them and you're just the whole life you're complaining.

00:48:01.140 Ah, they don't, they don't.

00:48:02.120 Well, at some point you got to go down there with a fucking and tell them you love sunshine.

00:48:08.260 And then they might be like, oh, we didn't know anybody like sunshine here.

00:48:13.500 We thought people just like the wind burn on their face like that dude I was talking about earlier.

00:48:20.940 Some of those dudes, you know, they'll burn their whole fucking face off.

00:48:24.560 They got a dude, you know, in you with and then out you with.

00:48:29.460 And then they, you know, William H.

00:48:32.580 Facey.

00:48:32.980 Next thing you know, they got nine fucking faces on and they running around town.

00:48:36.520 But what I'm saying is you got to meet the world where it's at.

00:48:41.260 You have to meet the world where it's at.

00:48:42.760 Man, the world is in one place.

00:48:43.820 You're in another place.

00:48:44.440 You got to meet the world where it's at.

00:48:46.620 And, and I'm excited that we're going to be able to do something great with a man up in this past weekend.

00:48:52.960 And, and we're going to be able to help out people that, you know, that, uh, can use some, you know, some extra harumph just like myself because I need it constantly.

00:49:04.840 And, uh, and I go out and find places to get it constantly.

00:49:08.660 And one of the places that I get it is right here with you guys.

00:49:12.320 And so I'm grateful to that.

00:49:13.640 And I'm grateful for this opportunity in my life and our lives, man.

00:49:17.140 This is going to be, dude, what if we get to have a real show where every week we take, you know, we take somebody from that we're, you know, that wants to be a part of the podcast and wants to inspire others.

00:49:28.460 And we get out there and make something cool with them.

00:49:32.280 Dude, to be able to help somebody in real time.

00:49:35.800 That's really cool.

00:49:36.640 And I know we're already doing that.

00:49:37.780 You might say we're already doing that.

00:49:38.900 You're selling out this sort of thing, but it's not, you know what I'm saying?

00:49:42.500 I trust my instincts on things and I trust my instincts on this, you know, and I'm excited about this pilot and I'm excited about, uh, the opportunity because we've done it a few times.

00:49:53.200 And we've proven we have a track record that there's genuine, genuinity.

00:49:58.220 There's genuinity in it that people's doing genuine good stuff.

00:50:01.660 Uh, let's hit through a couple of calls here.

00:50:03.520 Oh, let's take this call right here.

00:50:05.500 Uh, here we go.

00:50:07.960 Hey, Mr. Fiddingo, this is Rowell from Houston, Texas.

00:50:11.140 Hey, doc, I wanted to give you mine this past Halloween-y story.

00:50:14.360 Okay, and Halloween is over now and I appreciate your calling because you know how much I enjoyed it.

00:50:19.820 And man, I love Halloween.

00:50:20.960 My God, dude.

00:50:22.580 I mean, I just was at the house today just putting away about 40 damn witch outfits, you know.

00:50:28.220 And dude, none of them is mine.

00:50:30.600 So, who knows what I'm probably going to get arrested for.

00:50:33.220 Onward.

00:50:33.760 So, uh, we're doing a little trick-or-treating.

00:50:35.680 We've got two kids.

00:50:37.460 Oh, you got two kids.

00:50:38.620 You batched out twice.

00:50:40.000 I respect that, man.

00:50:41.200 That's that full-body batch, you know.

00:50:43.260 Onward.

00:50:44.020 And, uh, first of all, got these lazy motherfuckers that's raining outside and got these lazy assholes

00:50:49.600 driving by and let the kids, you know, jump on in and jump on out.

00:50:54.600 Oh, yeah, that was us, bruh.

00:50:56.140 But mom had us not only driving, but the station wagon thing down.

00:51:00.380 So, not only would we get back on, it wasn't in.

00:51:03.520 We were just standing on the tailgate getting wet.

00:51:05.860 Just drenched as fuck, dude.

00:51:08.340 Just jumping off into the Mekong Delta.

00:51:11.820 Onward.

00:51:13.180 Get your ass out.

00:51:14.460 Get wet.

00:51:15.200 Let's do it.

00:51:15.680 Let's have fun.

00:51:16.500 Anyways, so, to the main story.

00:51:19.360 So, my kid's going to this, uh, knock on this door.

00:51:23.120 And, uh, I'm talking to the old lady and my daughter walks back and she doesn't say nothing.

00:51:28.920 She seems kind of scared.

00:51:30.740 And I asked her, honey, what's wrong?

00:51:32.880 And she doesn't say nothing.

00:51:34.220 And, fuck.

00:51:34.780 And when that's Halloween, man, children get scared of all kind of shit.

00:51:38.960 You know?

00:51:39.840 You hear a fart during Halloween and you think it's, you know, your great-grandfather's coming around looking for bread in the kitchen or something.

00:51:46.860 Onward.

00:51:47.180 My son is still by the door and I see the guy peeped his head through the door.

00:51:53.420 So, I walk up there in a hurry.

00:51:54.840 I say, man, what's going on?

00:51:55.740 What you doing?

00:51:56.740 First of all, this gentleman doesn't have a shirt on.

00:51:59.360 Answering the fucking door like a goddamn creeper.

00:52:01.800 You know, this is 50-50 on this one, man.

00:52:07.140 Because, you know, should somebody have to wear a shirt just because your kid wants some fucking candy?

00:52:13.980 To ask the question.

00:52:17.240 Your kid's getting free shit.

00:52:22.240 You know?

00:52:23.640 Maybe the guy should be able to serve it however he wants.

00:52:26.340 Now, I think he should at least have a vest on.

00:52:29.620 I know that for a fact.

00:52:30.700 If I'm giving anything to a child, bro, at the very least, I ain't, you know, maybe I'll show one of my nipples.

00:52:36.140 Times has changed.

00:52:37.720 When I was young, you could, you know, show both your black olives to a little kid.

00:52:41.980 It didn't fucking matter.

00:52:44.020 You know?

00:52:44.660 You did what you want.

00:52:45.560 But now, everybody, you know, people sensitive to seeing other people's black olives.

00:52:49.800 So, a shirtless man.

00:52:51.040 I got to hear more about this.

00:52:52.660 Let's go.

00:52:53.320 I fucking door like a goddamn creeper.

00:52:56.380 And hands my son two cans of fucking raviolis.

00:53:00.220 First of all, I think I need to do a better parenting job on my son.

00:53:05.360 Because here's those dumbasses standing there for some fucking raviolis.

00:53:09.060 But my daughter's smart enough to get the fuck out of there.

00:53:11.640 Oh, dude.

00:53:12.440 Two can of raviolis, bruh.

00:53:14.820 That's called an Italian hit and run, dude.

00:53:17.400 If somebody don't care about you, you know, and they're Italian, they don't invite you to cook.

00:53:22.580 But they'll fucking hit you with those, you know.

00:53:25.020 Gina will hit you with two cans of raviolis and they out.

00:53:29.760 That's that Italian hit and run.

00:53:31.240 And so, they might have known your boy wasn't, you know, didn't have like a real tongue for foods, I'm guessing.

00:53:37.900 Maybe they thought that your boy didn't really have a strong tongue for foods, you know.

00:53:41.680 And so, they're looking at him.

00:53:43.400 Maybe he needs to kind of, they were thinking that.

00:53:46.900 But yeah, your boy took them snacks.

00:53:48.800 Your girl got out of there.

00:53:49.660 Girls, no.

00:53:51.480 Women are drug dogs, basically.

00:53:53.920 They know what's going on.

00:53:55.300 Women know at seven or eight years old, if your marriage is even going to work.

00:54:01.260 If there's spouses out there, you want to know your marriage is going to go work?

00:54:04.760 Go ask your fucking seven-year-old.

00:54:06.940 They'll tell you right now.

00:54:08.700 You're paying all this money for a therapy.

00:54:10.460 You got a crystal ball right there in the back room.

00:54:13.620 Doing arts and crafts by herself and making homemade purses and shit.

00:54:17.560 And making dream catchers.

00:54:19.080 You know, making all these, you know, you know, these Ariana, you know, Pete Davidson mood ring dream catchers or something.

00:54:31.400 You know, I don't see how Pete Davidson doesn't come out with a mood ring.

00:54:37.580 You know, he basically was Ariana Grande's mood ring.

00:54:40.740 I've said it.

00:54:42.120 You know, however she was feeling, he would dye his hair.

00:54:45.620 And I love that.

00:54:46.700 You look at Pete's head, you'd be like, oh, wow.

00:54:49.780 Well, I guess she's approachable today.

00:54:54.200 But, you know, your kids, yeah, door to door.

00:54:57.880 I love it, man.

00:54:58.820 Your kid learns a lot.

00:55:00.200 Because here's the thing.

00:55:01.520 I've been a kid right there.

00:55:02.900 And somebody handing you canned goods and they don't have a shirt on.

00:55:05.980 I've been that kid.

00:55:08.980 And you learn a lot, man.

00:55:10.460 You see a lot right there.

00:55:11.820 You see something you don't want to be.

00:55:14.740 You know, or maybe you see something you do.

00:55:17.180 You also see somebody giving food to somebody else.

00:55:19.600 There's something beautiful about it.

00:55:21.600 Somebody handing you a couple of, you know, consumable treats.

00:55:26.420 You ain't got to do nothing.

00:55:28.180 It's kind of beautiful, you know.

00:55:29.300 But, yeah, maybe look for the positivity in it.

00:55:36.500 When else is just, you know, the only way you're going to get two canned goods out of a dude with no shirt on and be able to see that live in real life.

00:55:44.380 I'm guessing probably a food drive after a University of Kentucky win.

00:55:53.260 After a University of Kentucky football win.

00:55:55.920 But not in the city limits.

00:55:57.140 Not in Lexington anymore.

00:55:58.100 You got to go outside of the city limits for really, really to see that.

00:56:01.300 So that's what you're looking at.

00:56:02.300 And that's after a church food drive.

00:56:04.040 But, yeah, you got to be careful.

00:56:05.180 They got pedophiles out there.

00:56:06.500 They got pedophiles, pedophiles.

00:56:08.900 You know, pedophere.

00:56:10.040 It's a lot of dudes that are even afraid of kids.

00:56:11.700 That's what I have.

00:56:12.360 I'm a pedophere.

00:56:13.600 I'm afraid these days to be around children.

00:56:16.260 Unless it's my own nieces and nephews.

00:56:17.900 And I get in there and we wrestle and everybody's legitimate.

00:56:21.380 You know, nobody's doing anything sneaky or trying to look at each other's body or even, dude, I don't look at them from the shoulder to the kneecap, son.

00:56:28.560 I'm not related to that child.

00:56:31.440 You know, I'm not related to that visual area.

00:56:33.900 I keep it shoulders and up and knees down.

00:56:38.740 And, you know, I'm a good owner.

00:56:39.960 That's how I do it.

00:56:40.800 But I have pedophere now.

00:56:43.740 And pedophere is just being, like, I'll see somebody with a cute kid or something.

00:56:47.400 And I want to say, hey, that's a, you know, you have a beautiful child there.

00:56:50.900 You have a very, your child was very nice.

00:56:52.800 You know, he bumped into me, but he said, excuse me or something.

00:56:55.660 Or we saw someone struggling and I, you know, and he helped him out.

00:56:58.500 And I catched it, but the parent didn't see it.

00:57:01.560 And I'll be like, yeah, I can't say anything, man.

00:57:03.680 They might think I'm the bad one.

00:57:05.940 Let's take some other calls, man.

00:57:07.180 Here we go.

00:57:07.920 Thank you for calling about the Halloween, man.

00:57:09.520 And thank you for taking your kids trick-or-treating even in the rain.

00:57:12.000 Those are beautiful memories.

00:57:14.100 You know, and one thing that would be cool is maybe your kid goes to the door.

00:57:17.120 You duck off getting a scary outfit with, like, a little hatchet or something.

00:57:21.000 You know, one of those little native choppers, bruh.

00:57:24.260 And then they come back and they're looking for you and you fucking, they don't know you're in that, you know, that I know what you did last Sioux Falls outfit.

00:57:33.460 You know, that big yellow raincoat with that little native hand hitter, bruh, that hatchet.

00:57:38.820 Thanks for calling.

00:57:39.720 Let's take another call.

00:57:42.000 Hey, Theo, what's up?

00:57:43.240 This is Blake from Atlanta.

00:57:46.000 What's up, Blake, over there in Atlanta onward?

00:57:48.900 I guess I'm sort of what you would call a kind of a newer listener to your show, but I love your show.

00:57:54.960 Okay.

00:57:55.720 Escuchen Nuevo, Papa.

00:57:58.540 Bienvenidos.

00:58:00.000 Bye-halo.

00:58:01.240 And I felt like I had to get something.

00:58:05.180 I was thinking about something because it's Halloween tomorrow for me.

00:58:10.840 It's Halloween tomorrow and for the rest of the world.

00:58:14.500 Yeah, man, Halloween, that's, you know, everybody's doing it at the same time.

00:58:18.380 You know, you know, and I respect you as a person.

00:58:21.400 You know, you don't get your own Halloween.

00:58:22.900 I guess if you want to, you do.

00:58:25.000 If you own a wishing well or something like that, then you probably could do it whenever.

00:58:30.420 You know, if you got one of those, you know, those baby gateways in the backyard that goes to the, you know, the nether's world and that.

00:58:38.100 You know, that little fucking Narnia outburst.

00:58:40.600 You know, that little, you know, that little Shawshank retention.

00:58:45.840 You know, if you got that little back thing that goes into a dirty pond out back of your place, you know, that magic, that wishing well.

00:58:52.320 And you could jump into that, you know, and just get all Andy Dufresne up in your brain.

00:58:57.120 You can do that and make your own Halloween.

00:58:59.040 But, yeah, let's hear more onward.

00:59:01.680 You know, so I'm feeling kind of Halloween-y.

00:59:05.160 And it's also almost November, so I'm also feeling kind of Thanksgiving-y.

00:59:11.520 And I've been thinking about pies.

00:59:13.300 I've been thinking about pumpkin pie.

00:59:16.000 And I've been thinking about, you know, pecan pie because I've heard of both of those pies.

00:59:21.500 Oh, yeah, man, and I know you, I love pie.

00:59:25.660 And I don't know if you knew that or not before you called.

00:59:29.700 But, man, I love pie.

00:59:32.920 Because a pie is just, a pie just looks up at a cake and is like, hey, look at all the fucking beautiful shit I did.

00:59:42.580 In just an inch and a half, motherfucker.

00:59:46.900 You up there, it's like watching a Mexican dude do well in basketball.

00:59:52.100 That's a pie.

00:59:53.800 And he looking up all of there, all these cakes, all these German chocolate hitters.

00:59:59.480 Six-story, nine-story.

01:00:01.760 They got Euro players, these, you know, tiramisu hitting them from the threes and that.

01:00:06.740 And doing them baby gator shots and all of that shit off the back top.

01:00:11.280 And then they got you a boy.

01:00:14.360 Little Hector.

01:00:16.600 You know?

01:00:17.940 Hector Piso Uno, bro.

01:00:19.560 And he's that pie, baby.

01:00:22.420 And he gets it all done at the bottom of the bowl.

01:00:25.800 And I respect that 100%.

01:00:27.300 I love pies.

01:00:28.220 And I'm just as shocked you even knew that I was thinking about them as much.

01:00:31.480 Because it's so crazy.

01:00:32.800 As soon as Halloween, once that pumpkin strikes, midnight, and Cinderella gets out that bitch, I got pie in my sky, baby.

01:00:45.440 Let's hear more.

01:00:46.060 So you've heard of pumpkin pies and you've heard of pecan pies, but what?

01:00:50.480 But I've never heard of pump-can pie.

01:00:54.420 That's something I've never heard of.

01:00:56.860 What do you mean?

01:00:57.280 And that'd be like a little half-and-half pumpkin pie, half pumpkin, half pecan.

01:01:02.560 So I was thinking about that pie, and I was thinking, is that something that you would be interested in?

01:01:12.180 Is that something that you would try?

01:01:14.260 Or are you more like a pie traditionalist, and you don't think that we need to be melding different types of pies?

01:01:21.200 So thank you for taking my call, and happy Halloween.

01:01:25.660 Oh, man, I think you are on to something.

01:01:28.320 That pump-can, huh?

01:01:29.620 And that's uplifting, too.

01:01:31.520 Because pump-can, dude, that's...

01:01:33.800 Can, that means anybody, you know?

01:01:35.540 You have a piece of pie, next thing you know, you and your cousin fucking sharing whipped cream, you know?

01:01:40.860 You sharing the toppings on each other.

01:01:43.300 And that's pump-can.

01:01:44.760 But pump-can, now you and your cousin starting a small business.

01:01:48.360 And I love that.

01:01:49.360 That pumpkin, pecan, boom-boom.

01:01:52.580 That's that diversity, you know?

01:01:54.540 I like that little, you know, that little pie, that pie movement.

01:01:59.340 Yeah, I love pies, man.

01:02:00.940 And you know what's funny?

01:02:02.340 Now that you say it, I do need to branch out because I've been so convicted to apple.

01:02:06.960 And I've been so convicted.

01:02:07.960 Now, fucking, dude, you show me a peach.

01:02:10.000 Dude, I swear to God, you show me a peach cobbler.

01:02:12.020 You had a peach cobbler in the woods.

01:02:14.620 Maybe I would say up to 60 feet off the interstate, even behind a couple trees.

01:02:17.980 And I'll still be able to see that bitch driving at 65 miles an hour.

01:02:23.000 I will still be able to see that thing, boy.

01:02:25.520 My eyes are keen to a cobbler, baby.

01:02:28.080 I got that cobble wobble in my face, son.

01:02:31.100 You know what I'm saying?

01:02:31.600 I see a dessert and I, you know, I just can't even handle myself.

01:02:36.260 I see a cobbler.

01:02:37.200 You can do the gas station.

01:02:39.120 I'll be out full tank, bro.

01:02:40.720 I'll be driving by it.

01:02:42.140 I'm like, I don't need any gas.

01:02:43.120 I see peach cobbler, 215, a quarter pound, bro.

01:02:50.280 Dude, this thing ain't even a Tesla and this bitch is doing automatic U-times.

01:02:55.760 I'll be U-turning up in that ad gas, all right?

01:02:59.220 I'm pumping gas.

01:03:00.400 The tank is full, bro.

01:03:01.620 I'm filling the back seat up with gas.

01:03:03.320 I don't give a fuck.

01:03:03.900 I want an excuse to get that he and her.

01:03:07.600 And that's that cobbler, right?

01:03:10.980 Dude, my neck goes limp around a cobbler.

01:03:13.060 I can't.

01:03:13.660 Dude, I got to have two, you know, two shorties, two beautiful little southern, you know, little biscuit babies in there to hold me up while I order it.

01:03:23.300 Because my neck goes limp around a cobbler.

01:03:26.860 Because a cobbler, they basically just took a peach pie, put that bitch in the streets for a few weeks, and taught that thing how to twerk, baby.

01:03:34.900 And that's a cobbler, boy.

01:03:36.140 And I do that cobble wobble.

01:03:39.780 I'm a cobbler, son.

01:03:40.920 I'm fitting shoes for my sweet tooth, son.

01:03:43.460 I love cobbler.

01:03:45.160 But, yeah, I appreciate you calling about that.

01:03:47.040 Let's take another couple calls that have come in here, man.

01:03:49.760 And, you know, last week I shared about, you know, about some different issues that I was having at the urinal.

01:03:59.740 Because I'm that urinal, you know, I kind of turn into that little baby, you know, I'm really like a seahorse at a urinal.

01:04:10.100 You ever try to look for a seahorse under the water?

01:04:12.540 You can barely see them.

01:04:15.500 Because they galloped off.

01:04:17.320 And they shy like that.

01:04:18.460 And that's how my bladder is.

01:04:20.420 My bladder is like this.

01:04:23.540 My bladder is like a, you know, there's this nervous connection between my brain and my wiener.

01:04:29.820 And it's like a still lake.

01:04:33.120 And if one thing upsets that surface, man, makes me nervous.

01:04:37.280 And then it's just that ripple just goes and goes and goes.

01:04:40.000 And, man, I just, there's such an uncomfort.

01:04:41.640 You know, just a little pebble of an idea of discomfort or anything or negative thought or something.

01:04:47.520 I don't know.

01:04:48.220 Uncertainty, anxiety gets in.

01:04:49.800 And then I'm standing at the urinal.

01:04:52.260 And I'm not even peeing anymore.

01:04:53.540 I'm just somebody that's, you know, I'm somebody that's just been holding on to their penis for like three or four minutes while other people are peeing.

01:04:58.860 And I get sad about it, man.

01:05:02.060 I get, you know, it makes me nervous.

01:05:03.420 And I, you know, I shared about that on last week's episode.

01:05:05.560 And so, you know, I want to, I want to, some people called in about that.

01:05:11.820 Hey, Theo.

01:05:12.560 This is Jeff in the Twin Cities.

01:05:16.080 In the Twin Cities, he's talking about Minneapolis and St. Paul.

01:05:19.800 He's not talking, you know, I don't want anybody thinking there's like a magical place where twins go live at or something.

01:05:27.900 You know, there's not like, you know, like lookalike Nevada or some shit.

01:05:32.520 He's talking about Minneapolis and St. Paul.

01:05:35.600 And I think it was founded by men.

01:05:37.280 There were, I don't think they were identical twins, but they said they were.

01:05:39.640 It could have been some type of Ponzi scheme.

01:05:41.660 But let's hear more.

01:05:42.240 I heard your, on your podcast, when your, your urine kind of locked up on you when you were at the bathroom.

01:05:49.760 Um, I've got, I've got, I got a tip for you on that.

01:05:53.920 Um, and it works.

01:05:55.080 It works every time for me when that happens.

01:05:57.680 Oh, wow.

01:05:58.200 This is interesting.

01:05:58.840 So you got that, uh, you got the pop-a lock on the U-lock here.

01:06:03.060 Cause yeah, man, once I hit that nerves, then I'm just basically straining.

01:06:06.840 My whole body is straining and I can't, I have no feelings in my wiener or in my wiener area.

01:06:11.660 Onward.

01:06:12.320 And I, I heard this on a Henry Rollins video.

01:06:15.980 So this is, you know, he's in a, he's in a lot of public urinals.

01:06:19.920 So this is like tested and stuff.

01:06:22.260 Oh yeah.

01:06:22.860 He looks like a guy who's just spent his whole life just pissing in Berlin.

01:06:25.860 You know, he's been through some real, you know, right there on that Mason Dixon line in Berlin.

01:06:30.200 He's been a real, you know, he's been on the real, just front streets of pit of, you know, urine issues.

01:06:37.120 Onward.

01:06:37.520 Not, you know, it's science, I think.

01:06:39.380 Um, but what I do is, uh, when I can't go, I start doing the multiplication tables in

01:06:45.520 my head, like two times two is four, four times two is eight.

01:06:49.300 And I swear by the time I'm at like 16 or 32, it's, it's, it's, it's going, you know,

01:06:55.040 it's, it starts no matter what.

01:06:57.120 So you might want to give that a try if that happens again.

01:07:00.140 So, you know, good luck.

01:07:01.540 I love the show.

01:07:02.740 See you later.

01:07:03.580 Bye.

01:07:05.000 Uh, that's cool, man.

01:07:06.100 I like that.

01:07:07.540 I like that.

01:07:08.160 I'll try that.

01:07:08.700 Two times two is four.

01:07:09.700 Two times four is eight.

01:07:13.380 Two times eight is 16.

01:07:14.920 You know, the problem is it gets tricky after that.

01:07:17.800 You don't want to be the dude at the urinal fucking just nudging some brother, you know,

01:07:21.680 or some little, you know, a guy next to you, you know, you know, beautiful Laotian gentleman

01:07:26.920 or something and saying, Hey buddy, you know what two times 16 is?

01:07:31.540 Cause in some areas, you know, out there in Mathlehem or wherever, if people, you know,

01:07:37.800 if they, you know, if they have like a lot of homoerotic men and they like to do math and

01:07:42.380 the dude might think you're trying to duck off or something with them.

01:07:45.300 And maybe that's fine.

01:07:46.140 If that's what you're looking to do, you're trying to just go look at and add each other

01:07:49.680 up in a, you know, just multiply each other's bodies in your mouths and all of that, then

01:07:53.900 you can do it.

01:07:56.180 But yeah, but, but I'll try it.

01:07:58.040 And I appreciate that.

01:07:58.960 You know, I appreciate you calling and saying, you know, this is a way that you can try it

01:08:02.660 two times two is four, two times four, eight, two times eight, 16.

01:08:09.060 Yeah.

01:08:09.440 Cause I guess it maybe takes your brain into a different direction.

01:08:11.780 So you're not feeling your anxiety.

01:08:13.280 And part of it these days, man, you, we just got to take our brains in different direction.

01:08:16.720 And some of that direction is movement.

01:08:18.140 Movement will get you going.

01:08:19.100 The problem being in a urinal, you stalled out.

01:08:21.740 They don't have these running urinals where you can run and piss at the same time.

01:08:25.320 You know, that last of the Mohicans, you know, leaking.

01:08:28.460 I could do that, bro.

01:08:30.280 Oh, I go.

01:08:30.780 You run, running, run with a spear in my hand, jump off a cliff, piss at the same time.

01:08:36.300 How's that not an Olympic sport, dude?

01:08:38.440 We got this bitch ass stuff.

01:08:40.040 People jumping over hurdles.

01:08:42.420 Who gives a fuck, dude?

01:08:44.940 Do something that's really an Olympian could do.

01:08:48.680 I don't see somebody jumping over hurdles.

01:08:50.420 No, that's not even an Olympian anymore.

01:08:52.120 That's just a night.

01:08:52.880 That's an advertisement for a company.

01:08:54.460 Now I want to see that real hitter.

01:08:56.440 I want to see somebody, you know, catching a violent sheep or something and strangling that thing, you know, at the same time that he's, you know, that he's doing a backflip off of a third story burning building over there outside of Toledo.

01:09:15.280 Now we're talking.

01:09:17.140 That's the fucking Olympics.

01:09:18.400 Get this other shit out of here.

01:09:20.940 But I'll try the multiplication.

01:09:23.160 Let's hear.

01:09:23.980 Because multiplication to divide my problems.

01:09:26.400 I like it.

01:09:26.920 Onward.

01:09:27.160 Hey, what's up, Theo?

01:09:29.200 It's Gunter from Ontario, Canada.

01:09:33.420 Toronto, more specifically.

01:09:35.520 I turned on your podcast, right?

01:09:37.640 And you started talking about that nervous pee game.

01:09:42.620 And I just wanted to let you know that I also suffer that affliction.

01:09:48.260 I also struggle to piss in public.

01:09:50.400 I believe it started when I was about 10 or 11.

01:09:53.600 I remember distinctly I was at a big football game with my my dad and we went to use the urinals during halftime.

01:10:04.400 And there was a big line.

01:10:07.460 Oh, my God.

01:10:09.820 The line is the worst.

01:10:11.300 Because the line is the worst when you if you know you're not going to be able to pee or the line is if you already know that.

01:10:19.840 Now, if you don't know that the line is the worst anyway, the urinal, because now it's like everybody's waiting.

01:10:27.220 Everybody, you know, you're supposed to be like the Mark Spitz of piss or something or the, you know, you know, not, you know, who's somebody that did something real fast, dude.

01:10:39.380 And it was a bunch of bullshit, you know, I'm trying to think of somebody like that.

01:10:53.760 You know, it was like the I don't want to say Lane Kiffin, but I don't think that's the right guy.

01:11:00.420 But, yeah, just some, you know, you're somebody that fucking faked it and got it done.

01:11:04.520 And then anyway, I'm going to quit interrupting you, man.

01:11:07.120 Onward of grown ass men.

01:11:09.080 And it made me nervous and my dick just seized up.

01:11:14.620 And I'm 23 now and it's it's been that way ever since.

01:11:19.800 Wow.

01:11:21.460 Onward.

01:11:22.380 It's very bizarre.

01:11:23.720 But these days, sometimes what I do is I go into a stall and sit down and piss.

01:11:29.960 Oh, yeah.

01:11:30.380 And that probably sounds absolutely absurd.

01:11:33.920 But like you already stated, the alternative is standing at a urinal with your dick in your hands for three minutes and then shaking a dry dick and walking away.

01:11:46.700 And I figure it's the lesser of two evils to sit down and piss.

01:11:51.980 Yeah, because then you're just like, you know, you're acting.

01:11:55.100 You're not you didn't really do that.

01:11:56.340 Isn't that crazy?

01:11:57.700 Then you're acting like you pissed.

01:11:59.120 You're fucking Joe Pishy.

01:12:00.820 You know, you're pretending you piss, shaking it off.

01:12:03.800 Dude, trying to, oh, you know, just saying things like, oh, that was a lot, you know, things like that to make it seem like you did a lot of urine.

01:12:14.220 And the whole time you got nothing.

01:12:16.660 You got that dry little, you know, that little cat's yawn down there.

01:12:21.880 And it's like a third, you know, and a cat by the second yawn, that thing's dry as hell.

01:12:26.220 You could raise cotton in between his teeth.

01:12:29.720 But man, that's scary, dude.

01:12:32.000 Onward.

01:12:33.740 But it is.

01:12:35.420 It is humiliating and it is an affliction.

01:12:38.360 Anyways, I appreciate you and I appreciate the podcast and everything you're doing here.

01:12:42.540 Love the community.

01:12:44.420 And yeah, keep on keeping on gang gang.

01:12:47.400 Gang gang, Papa.

01:12:49.040 And look, I'll be honest with you, man.

01:12:50.640 When I get up at night sometimes, because my urine, you know, I got a urine or my wiener has some type of damn, you know, I think diverticulitis or something.

01:13:00.700 It just, the urine gets diverted right out the gate.

01:13:03.680 And I'm pissing on something.

01:13:04.860 I'll water a plant.

01:13:06.060 You know what I'm saying?

01:13:06.860 I'll fucking breastfeed a, you know, I'll breastfeed a chihuahua across the street.

01:13:11.720 I'm fucking blowing streams, you know.

01:13:14.040 Just like a, you know, like kind of a cheap showerhead or something.

01:13:17.540 If you ever stayed at a place that, you know, you got to bring your own showerhead.

01:13:21.120 When I was growing up, they had a motel.

01:13:24.080 When we would drive up to Memphis, they had a motel and you had to bring your own showerhead in there.

01:13:29.660 And for $2, they had unlocked the water and you could hook your showerhead on there and do, you know, do your cleaning or water your plants in the bathroom or whatever.

01:13:37.600 And so we would go in there and, but that thing was a piece of shit.

01:13:41.740 You know, that thing is blowing everywhere.

01:13:43.320 I mean, basically this thing, it really didn't give you a shower.

01:13:46.920 It basically just ruined the drywall at a fucking apartment, at a motel.

01:13:50.880 I don't even think, when I really think back on it, that thing was just a scam probably to collect insurance money or to accuse somebody of something.

01:13:58.800 Or they probably sold them in an area.

01:14:00.320 Some company probably bought all the apartments and motels in an area.

01:14:03.500 You know, uh, and then they had, and then they had, you know, they ran, you know, you get in there and they made all the showerheads in the area and sold them at stores.

01:14:17.180 So then people got the showerheads, came in at air, ruined it, fucking ruined the motels.

01:14:25.400 And then you got to get the insurance claims.

01:14:27.880 I bet, dude, look, the dark arts abound, brother.

01:14:30.920 The dark arts abound.

01:14:32.000 But don't be ashamed of yourself for sitting down and doing urination.

01:14:36.120 You know, that's kind of a thinker's stance, really.

01:14:38.360 That's the Filipino squat.

01:14:40.520 You know, Filipinos, they like to sit down and think.

01:14:43.200 They don't, you know, and they're smaller targets.

01:14:45.540 They don't get killed as much in war.

01:14:47.300 Go think about 70 or 80 wars.

01:14:50.540 Okay, think about it.

01:14:52.900 Or think about 40.

01:14:54.000 It's quicker to think about 40 wars.

01:14:56.940 You don't think about Filipinos dying, do you?

01:14:59.380 That's because you don't see them.

01:15:00.960 They're squatted down.

01:15:01.660 They're thinking.

01:15:02.400 Very wise, beautiful, smiling people.

01:15:05.520 Personas con divertido.

01:15:08.980 De boca.

01:15:12.440 The people with the joy in their mouths.

01:15:16.740 Filipinos.

01:15:18.460 And shout out to my wine that I've never made called Filipino Grigio.

01:15:21.680 For the man that sits down to urinate.

01:15:23.880 No shame in your game, brother.

01:15:25.320 Drip drop, you know.

01:15:26.340 Be that bad boy.

01:15:27.220 Be that bad boy, man.

01:15:29.960 And I appreciate you sharing that, too.

01:15:32.220 And maybe try the multiplication the other guy suggested.

01:15:34.460 That's a good thing.

01:15:35.100 I'm going to try it.

01:15:36.840 But don't feel ashamed, man.

01:15:37.840 I do that stuff, too.

01:15:38.920 And it gives us a chance to sit and think and calculate it.

01:15:42.080 Instead of standing up there with our nerves.

01:15:43.920 You know, we make adjustments.

01:15:44.940 We meet the world where it's at.

01:15:46.640 You know, because, dude, for most of my life, I stood there afraid, acting like I could piss, dude.

01:15:55.100 Isn't that crazy?

01:15:56.860 Like I'm pissed for walking, bro.

01:16:00.160 Why?

01:16:01.520 Why?

01:16:02.180 I can't.

01:16:03.100 Oh, I pissed.

01:16:04.140 I didn't.

01:16:04.840 I didn't.

01:16:05.460 But the whole time, I can't even get that drizzle, drizzle.

01:16:11.120 You know, I can't even get that 10% of piss, you know, piss, you know, perspicitation.

01:16:21.300 But I just, you know, I want to keep living the bullshit.

01:16:25.380 Nobody's watching that shit, man.

01:16:27.180 Get into your comfort zone.

01:16:29.180 And if you got to squat it out and drip drop to be comfortable, that's okay.

01:16:35.680 That's okay, man.

01:16:36.940 Because you make adjustments.

01:16:37.980 You meet the world where it's at.

01:16:39.420 That's how I think.

01:16:40.140 That's how you get better.

01:16:41.080 That's how you move forward.

01:16:42.600 Now you're not sitting there, you know, you know, standing there with your hand and you've jumped, you know, fake pissing forever.

01:16:50.520 Then you got, you know, now you're sitting in a bladder.

01:16:52.660 You can't enjoy the rest of the game.

01:16:54.160 You got a full bladder of urine.

01:16:56.160 Your dad thinks you hate him because you got this uncomfortable look on your face.

01:16:59.440 But you're riding on two gallons of fucking, you know, boiled Pepsi that's laying in your bladder.

01:17:05.860 It's just a world of bullshit when we start it.

01:17:09.800 And we start it by fear, by the fear, man.

01:17:13.200 So I appreciate you sharing that and making me think, man.

01:17:16.660 Let's stick in, we'll stick in the wiener world, man.

01:17:18.900 And we'll stick with some more wiener calls that came in.

01:17:20.700 These are all labeled wiener by my producer.

01:17:23.040 So from here on out, I'm getting into this wiener category.

01:17:27.140 Onward.

01:17:27.400 Hey, Theo.

01:17:28.920 Appreciate you.

01:17:29.760 Appreciate the podcast.

01:17:30.920 I just want to make a comment on Jack.

01:17:33.360 He was beating his knee a little bit too much.

01:17:35.560 Can't keep it up during sex.

01:17:37.700 Oh, yeah.

01:17:37.920 This was a call that came in last week.

01:17:39.360 The man was calling.

01:17:40.240 He said that, you know, he'd been having issues.

01:17:42.640 He'd been masturbating too much.

01:17:44.340 And it was affecting his relationship with his girlfriend.

01:17:47.360 Onward.

01:17:48.760 I've actually dealt with that a little bit before.

01:17:52.180 So I think he just needs to find out why he's doing that so much.

01:17:57.760 For me, it was because of who I was with.

01:18:00.680 And I found myself going to my extracurricular activities.

01:18:04.560 I was looking for essentially what I...

01:18:07.560 I'm sorry, but I lost my train of thought for a second because I looked at my phone.

01:18:12.160 So I want to apologize.

01:18:13.820 And I'm going to take your call back and start it over.

01:18:17.040 Bro, I'm sorry, dude.

01:18:17.940 I shouldn't have done it, but...

01:18:20.360 Fuck, honestly, I didn't even know I was doing it.

01:18:23.080 And then I did it.

01:18:24.260 I mean, that's like a witch's spell, isn't it?

01:18:26.640 This technology.

01:18:27.460 That's a witch's spell.

01:18:29.560 And that shit ain't illegal, bro.

01:18:31.200 This is hand...

01:18:32.200 This is a fucking hand cocaine son of phone.

01:18:36.400 That's that faux cane, baby.

01:18:39.200 Let's start your call again.

01:18:40.380 I know it was about jerking off, I think.

01:18:43.800 Hey, Theo.

01:18:44.980 Appreciate you.

01:18:45.840 Appreciate the podcast.

01:18:47.040 I just want to make a comment on Jack, who's beating his meat a little bit too much.

01:18:51.660 Can't keep it up during sex.

01:18:53.500 Oh, yeah.

01:18:53.980 Beaty Jack.

01:18:54.820 And he called in last week.

01:18:56.140 He was having some issues.

01:18:58.000 And I respect him for calling me in.

01:18:59.460 Jack, thank you for calling, dude.

01:19:00.620 I know it's kind of tough stuff to share sometimes.

01:19:04.120 You know, but I've struggled with that a lot of my life.

01:19:07.620 You know, they used to call me the soft boss.

01:19:10.360 And I wouldn't have that erection, bro.

01:19:12.020 But I would have that, you know, it's still kind of a choice meat.

01:19:16.040 I had that choice meat, you know.

01:19:18.580 I had that kind of skirt steak.

01:19:21.320 You know, it's not really, you don't know how it's going to be served.

01:19:24.800 But it's, you know, it's still kind of steak, you know.

01:19:30.520 But anyhow, yeah.

01:19:31.940 Beaty Jack.

01:19:32.500 He called in last week.

01:19:33.500 And he was having, he was doing too much self-pleasure.

01:19:37.080 You know, and creating his own straight up body oil out the front.

01:19:40.340 That, you know, that skeet, baby.

01:19:43.520 Them weenie tears, bro.

01:19:45.120 Them genetic weenie tears that your weenie makes and your nuts make together as a team.

01:19:49.640 That's teamwork fluid.

01:19:51.900 And the thing was that he, he, he was struggling with it.

01:20:00.580 Because it was affecting his relationship.

01:20:03.520 And that's where we were with him.

01:20:04.900 And now you have called in.

01:20:05.920 Thank you for calling.

01:20:06.680 Let's hear some of your suggestions for him, I'm guessing.

01:20:09.760 I've actually dealt with that a little bit before.

01:20:13.160 So I think he just needs to find out why he's doing that so much.

01:20:18.740 For me, it was because of who I was with.

01:20:21.700 And I found myself going to my extracurricular activities.

01:20:25.580 I was looking for essentially what I craved.

01:20:30.380 And it wasn't who I was with.

01:20:33.580 And now I'm with a girl I fucking love.

01:20:36.440 And, you know, I still beat my meat.

01:20:38.000 But I definitely don't have any problem keeping it up.

01:20:42.640 Maybe that's his issue.

01:20:43.700 I don't know.

01:20:44.220 I don't know him.

01:20:44.960 I don't know.

01:20:45.540 And I just know what he said.

01:20:46.760 And that's what I dealt with.

01:20:47.860 So maybe it'll help him.

01:20:49.900 Well, I love the way you presented it.

01:20:51.360 First of all, I mean, you presented it as this is my experience.

01:20:55.000 And this may not help.

01:20:56.240 It may help.

01:20:57.000 I don't know.

01:20:57.380 But this is me being willing to share my experience with you.

01:21:01.140 And you're not accusing him or saying it definitely will.

01:21:03.840 So I love the way you presented that, man.

01:21:05.200 And that reminds me of how to present things to people and how to share instead of, you know, direct, really.

01:21:12.240 And I need reminders about that stuff.

01:21:13.980 And so, you know, I'm thankful that you called just now because I really, I think, needed that.

01:21:18.120 But, yeah, sometimes when you, you know, when you're jerking, you know, when you're jerking off, you know, it might not be because you don't know if it's the right person.

01:21:28.240 And I've wondered that, too, in my life, you know, because I've struggled with a lot of, you know, I've talked about this before.

01:21:35.000 I was talking with a lot of, you know, you know, being that soft boss, you know, being that, again, that, you know, kind of like a, you ever see a dude that kind of, you know, has a cane?

01:21:47.940 He's still cruising, bro, but he gots a cane, you know, that's like my dick.

01:21:54.540 You know, you know, he's doing it, but he also, he struggles, oh, you know, but he's still out there flexing, bro.

01:22:02.480 He's still out there wearing a crown and got a chunk of cheese in his mouth.

01:22:05.720 But, yeah, and I wonder sometimes, well, it's just because I haven't met the right person and I'm just like forcing my dick into this other person I don't want, into this haunted house.

01:22:18.420 Because, dude, fucking somebody you don't care about, come on, bro.

01:22:25.380 That's like putting your dick into a haunted house, man.

01:22:28.480 Think about that, and your dick doesn't even have any eyes, dude.

01:22:33.940 At least if we're in a haunted house, we have eyes.

01:22:36.080 We know things are looking at us.

01:22:38.060 We know that clock suddenly, you know, is tick-tocking with knives instead of clock hands.

01:22:48.520 We know that there's a mummy over there, and we know there's a bats.

01:22:53.320 Your dick is just blind, bro.

01:22:55.780 Your dick doesn't have eyes.

01:22:58.480 All of its eyes are feelings.

01:23:00.580 All of its smell is feelings.

01:23:02.500 It only, instead of five senses, it have maybe, I guess it could feel and think.

01:23:09.060 I don't know if thinking's a sense, but it probably only has two feelings, dude, out of the five.

01:23:13.300 Two senses.

01:23:15.880 So you putting a two-sense animal into a straight-up fully haunted house,

01:23:19.880 and you expecting that thing to do work, boy?

01:23:23.780 Come on.

01:23:25.940 So, yeah, maybe that's a good suggestion.

01:23:27.980 Maybe you just haven't met that right person.

01:23:29.620 Now, that doesn't mean to alienate your girl because you said you love her, you know,

01:23:33.680 but maybe it just, it's not the correct fit.

01:23:36.600 But no matter what, I'm going to say you've got to take the pornography out of it

01:23:39.640 because I know that the gentleman mentioned that.

01:23:41.800 And I'm going to, you know, because that's a huge issue.

01:23:48.060 Let's take another call.

01:23:48.980 Well, by God, there's something in it.

01:23:51.220 I have this problem.

01:23:52.100 Weird things keep happening to me, like, throughout my life consecutively,

01:23:56.960 literally this past weekend up in Gainesville at the Windstar.

01:23:59.460 Okay, thank you for calling, man.

01:24:02.520 I think you said your name was Will, and this is at the Windstar.

01:24:06.180 And I think that's a casino maybe or something.

01:24:08.800 Let's hear more.

01:24:09.740 This 80-year-old lady told me a dirty joke after I got done telling dad jokes to this waitress.

01:24:17.500 Oh, when senior citizens, they, dude, it's carte blanche.

01:24:21.340 It's carte blanche, Devereaux, dude.

01:24:23.160 When you're a senior citizen, you tell them anything, they'll tell you a dirty joke.

01:24:28.640 Dude, a senior citizen, you tap them on the shoulder.

01:24:31.160 They'll be like, two dicks walk into one office.

01:24:34.200 Did I say office?

01:24:35.480 I meant orifice.

01:24:37.520 Dude, senior citizens love that.

01:24:39.900 You call them about offering them, you know, home bullshit life insurance

01:24:44.680 or trying to sell them some fake gold or something.

01:24:46.720 Next thing you know, you know, a senior, an old lady, bro,

01:24:50.920 who knows how to work a phone, she'll send you that frickin' top pick, bro.

01:24:55.020 You know, showing you that frickin' bean bag.

01:24:58.380 They're wild, man.

01:25:00.880 Senior citizens, they're just, they're dangerous babies

01:25:03.720 that kind of know what the fuck's going on

01:25:07.740 but are also really starting to bother everybody.

01:25:11.240 Let's hear more.

01:25:12.200 She said, 80 years old, man.

01:25:14.120 It's like my grandmother talking to me.

01:25:15.600 She said, how do you know when a woman's not wearing underwear?

01:25:18.460 Well, Grandma, I don't know.

01:25:20.940 She said, well, you look at their shoes for the dandruff.

01:25:24.940 And I was fuckin' for it.

01:25:27.460 And, uh, yeah, it's about eight years of weird shit like that.

01:25:31.460 Just old people and soccer moms and introducing me to their kids.

01:25:36.740 It's all very strange.

01:25:38.000 And, uh, I don't, I'm not sure what to just go with the flow.

01:25:42.780 I mean, shit.

01:25:45.540 Fuck, I don't know.

01:25:46.480 Well, hey, you know, life's, uh, a joy.

01:25:50.380 It's fun.

01:25:51.340 Hell yeah.

01:25:51.820 Okay, so that was it, man.

01:25:56.880 Look, I appreciate you calling, man.

01:25:58.200 Look, I appreciate you calling, hitting the hotline,

01:26:00.140 and being, you know, brave enough to share that.

01:26:04.480 I don't fuckin' know, bro.

01:26:05.900 Life is wild, you know.

01:26:07.240 Life has these crazy things that come at us,

01:26:09.600 and, you know, I think your story to me got wild at the end.

01:26:13.860 You know, you kind of hanseled and grettled me there at the end.

01:26:16.040 And you kind of showed me the woods and then just left me, you know,

01:26:19.420 standing there with a bag of fuckin' bird seeds, you know.

01:26:23.000 And all the birds is tryin' to fuck or somethin'.

01:26:25.600 And I'm tryin' to chill out.

01:26:28.140 But, um, but, yeah, I don't know what the thing about the daughter,

01:26:32.540 you know, soccer moms, I don't know where that went.

01:26:34.700 But, yeah, senior citizens is wild, man, so be careful out there.

01:26:38.320 But let them tell you their jokes, man.

01:26:40.260 Let them share with you.

01:26:42.400 You know, we don't take care of seniors in our world.

01:26:44.100 And, you know, this does bring up,

01:26:46.520 this is a thing that hits me in my heart,

01:26:48.480 and I think this is something that we can work on,

01:26:50.300 I think, next year somehow,

01:26:51.480 is tryin' to find some time to spend some time with seniors in some way.

01:26:55.320 And, um, and enjoy what they have to offer us.

01:26:58.400 Because a lot of cultures do that.

01:26:59.740 In America, somehow, we forget about some of that.

01:27:03.440 You know, and I think we'll get infected by it more

01:27:05.220 as other cultures come into America.

01:27:08.460 But, uh, and maybe it's just in my life.

01:27:11.060 I'm accusing other people of that,

01:27:12.000 but there is a, there is a big thing where we forget about our old.

01:27:15.580 Um, all right, let's hear more.

01:27:17.920 Take another call.

01:27:19.460 Hey, Theo, this is Ray Swinns calling out of Salt Lake City, Utah.

01:27:23.800 I had a comment.

01:27:24.880 What's up?

01:27:25.460 And I'm comin' to Salt Lake this, uh, this weekend.

01:27:27.520 So, I'm grateful, man.

01:27:28.780 We got five shows that are sold out out there.

01:27:30.720 We're doin' a single mom.

01:27:32.780 Um, man, I couldn't be more excited.

01:27:35.520 I couldn't be more excited to come there

01:27:37.100 and, and just share some,

01:27:40.700 and just have people laugh.

01:27:42.740 And that's it.

01:27:45.100 That's it.

01:27:46.600 We're gonna create some good energy there

01:27:48.360 and see what we're gonna let that shit loose into the world, baby.

01:27:51.420 Leave the windows open, dog.

01:27:54.080 Cause we fillin' this big,

01:27:55.800 bad balloon of the universe,

01:27:58.440 this ballooniverse up

01:27:59.680 with some solid laughter and joy.

01:28:02.620 Let's hear more.

01:28:03.380 Um, one of the young gentlemen

01:28:05.980 that says he was getting soft, uh,

01:28:09.280 during, uh, the frisky time

01:28:11.300 and that he watches a lot of porn,

01:28:14.360 uh, I just wanted to say to that young guy,

01:28:17.040 you gotta quit that shit, man.

01:28:19.140 It ain't good for ya.

01:28:20.340 Uh, the, the girls that we see on that porn,

01:28:24.000 they ain't real lookin'.

01:28:25.480 All these women don't all have those fake tits,

01:28:28.220 fake ass, fake lips.

01:28:30.160 It's just a bunch of bullshit to poison our minds.

01:28:33.840 And he needs to get started.

01:28:35.740 It's no shave November.

01:28:37.660 And it's also no nut November.

01:28:39.840 So we ain't nutting.

01:28:41.240 We're not masturbating.

01:28:42.480 The only nut you can take

01:28:43.860 or give is, uh,

01:28:45.840 when you have sex with your women.

01:28:48.640 And that's all, man.

01:28:50.160 He needs to cut that shit

01:28:51.540 cause, uh,

01:28:53.020 it feels better to please your ladies

01:28:55.240 than not please your ladies.

01:28:56.780 And jacking off in your hand.

01:28:59.260 It's, uh, it's addicting

01:29:00.380 and it's, uh,

01:29:01.860 shit all of us men gotta cut.

01:29:04.360 Gang, gang,

01:29:04.860 have a good day, man.

01:29:05.760 Bye.

01:29:06.580 Gang, gang,

01:29:07.320 stay off that hand bang.

01:29:08.960 And we ain't hand bangers, dude.

01:29:10.920 This ain't hand bangers ball out here.

01:29:12.720 And I appreciate that calling.

01:29:13.680 That's a good suggestion for dude.

01:29:15.700 Cause look,

01:29:16.140 I'll say this.

01:29:16.940 I've said this,

01:29:17.500 this is our

01:29:18.560 Vietnam,

01:29:20.320 bruh.

01:29:20.560 This is your

01:29:22.800 Mekong Delta.

01:29:24.840 And you wanna

01:29:25.680 stay out of it.

01:29:28.360 This is the,

01:29:29.240 you heard of the dark arts?

01:29:30.260 This is the dark parts, baby.

01:29:32.020 And don't keep that thing.

01:29:33.720 Keep it off of your

01:29:34.460 wienier.

01:29:36.620 And that's,

01:29:37.320 that's French for wiener, bruh.

01:29:39.820 And keep it off of your wiener, man.

01:29:41.560 Masturbation is killing,

01:29:42.620 it's killing us, man.

01:29:43.540 Watching a pornography

01:29:44.240 is just killing us, man.

01:29:46.280 I mean, it's fun.

01:29:47.160 I'll say that.

01:29:47.800 They got some beautiful,

01:29:48.940 you know,

01:29:49.540 people out there

01:29:50.240 doing booty tricks

01:29:51.340 and all of that.

01:29:52.720 And you know,

01:29:53.240 they got girls juggling

01:29:54.360 and eating, you know,

01:29:55.640 eating dirty Skittles

01:29:56.780 and all of that

01:29:57.340 off of each other's crevasses

01:29:58.800 and everything.

01:29:59.520 But what I'm saying is this.

01:30:01.940 It's hurting us.

01:30:04.000 It's hurting us.

01:30:05.280 And it's no nut November, man.

01:30:06.600 I'm gonna try to commit to it.

01:30:08.940 Dude, look,

01:30:09.760 somebody told me that

01:30:11.600 on November 1st.

01:30:12.300 Somebody sent me a text.

01:30:13.380 And I had literally

01:30:14.440 just masturbated

01:30:15.800 in my hotel room.

01:30:17.060 And I just felt so bad.

01:30:18.360 And I'm like,

01:30:20.520 damn, man.

01:30:22.280 Here I am.

01:30:23.960 Supposed to be taking care

01:30:25.240 of my nuts

01:30:25.920 and everything.

01:30:27.080 And I'm blasting out

01:30:28.260 into my little hand

01:30:29.220 universe, bro.

01:30:31.540 Sad.

01:30:32.280 It's sad.

01:30:34.100 Because you got this

01:30:35.060 virility, man.

01:30:36.040 You got this special spice.

01:30:38.940 And the world does,

01:30:39.920 you know,

01:30:40.220 a lot of them,

01:30:40.900 some of the media,

01:30:41.820 some of these fucking lonely,

01:30:43.540 you know,

01:30:44.060 it's a lot of lonely-ass people

01:30:45.740 writing articles

01:30:46.480 about how men aren't good.

01:30:49.560 You know,

01:30:50.040 and it's a lot of,

01:30:50.840 like,

01:30:51.020 I think there's a lot

01:30:51.920 of lonely women, too.

01:30:53.380 Look,

01:30:53.580 there's been a lot

01:30:54.160 of deviant men out there,

01:30:55.020 but there's a lot

01:30:55.360 of lonely women out there

01:30:57.140 who are afraid to admit

01:30:58.440 that they want to be loved

01:30:59.520 by a man.

01:31:00.780 And a lot of them

01:31:01.580 have been writing articles

01:31:02.700 and just accusing all men.

01:31:06.200 They're not accusing all men,

01:31:07.220 but they're putting out

01:31:07.800 this vibe sometimes

01:31:08.540 that a lot of men are bad.

01:31:11.020 And I don't believe that.

01:31:11.980 I think a lot of men

01:31:12.580 are good.

01:31:13.780 But I do think

01:31:14.620 a lot of men

01:31:15.160 have been poisoned

01:31:15.900 also in not knowing

01:31:17.500 how to treat a woman

01:31:18.260 sometimes.

01:31:20.800 You know,

01:31:21.360 and so we're all

01:31:22.120 in this together.

01:31:22.840 That's what I'm saying.

01:31:23.220 We all have a part

01:31:23.960 in all of it.

01:31:26.200 And men have a big part,

01:31:27.800 though,

01:31:28.040 in our own,

01:31:29.680 because it affects

01:31:30.420 your brain.

01:31:30.880 Every time you're leaking

01:31:31.680 out a little bit

01:31:32.280 of that,

01:31:32.680 you know,

01:31:33.940 you know,

01:31:35.360 that secret white worm

01:31:36.600 sauce,

01:31:37.180 bruh.

01:31:38.620 You know,

01:31:39.760 that smoky-y

01:31:40.800 off the choky.

01:31:42.960 You know,

01:31:43.500 you're out there

01:31:43.940 blasting,

01:31:44.620 you know,

01:31:45.660 you're making

01:31:46.140 fucking little

01:31:46.860 baby salmon,

01:31:47.560 you know,

01:31:48.800 you're making,

01:31:50.500 you know,

01:31:50.780 you're just blowing

01:31:51.360 baby salmon butter

01:31:52.940 out there.

01:31:54.320 It's nervous.

01:31:55.740 It's not good

01:31:56.400 because you need

01:31:56.800 that in your brain.

01:31:58.260 You need that chi.

01:31:59.060 You need that pineapple hit.

01:32:01.680 So,

01:32:02.280 but yeah,

01:32:02.660 I was just embarrassed,

01:32:03.540 man,

01:32:03.680 because I've been doing it,

01:32:04.760 you know,

01:32:05.080 and I just masturbated.

01:32:06.260 I was like,

01:32:06.560 fuck,

01:32:06.820 I'm not going to do this.

01:32:07.800 And then last night,

01:32:10.480 dude,

01:32:10.920 same thing.

01:32:13.780 I thought I wasn't

01:32:14.660 going to masturbate.

01:32:15.500 I'm literally sitting there

01:32:16.660 thinking I'm not going to

01:32:17.340 masturbate.

01:32:18.400 And then bam,

01:32:19.620 dude.

01:32:21.760 Like,

01:32:22.280 like Count Jerkula,

01:32:24.560 bruh,

01:32:24.760 that thing just bit me

01:32:25.540 in the neck.

01:32:26.960 And next thing you know,

01:32:27.860 I'm out there

01:32:28.300 fending my own dolphin,

01:32:29.620 you know?

01:32:31.340 Just out there

01:32:32.100 huck fending myself,

01:32:33.280 just,

01:32:33.560 you know,

01:32:34.360 just Negro

01:32:35.060 gemming my own deal.

01:32:36.260 You know what I'm saying,

01:32:37.340 bruh?

01:32:38.500 You know,

01:32:38.840 painting my own fence.

01:32:40.820 You know,

01:32:41.140 two beautiful,

01:32:42.080 you know,

01:32:43.180 black and white friends

01:32:44.160 out there

01:32:44.480 touching themselves.

01:32:45.860 And that's what I just

01:32:46.520 turned into as bad.

01:32:48.800 But yeah,

01:32:49.300 I'm just ashamed.

01:32:49.980 You know,

01:32:50.260 and then I feel ashamed.

01:32:51.260 That's the biggest thing

01:32:51.960 that I start to feel ashamed.

01:32:53.900 But,

01:32:55.120 and I'm not saying

01:32:55.760 if you're a young buck

01:32:56.620 and you're out there

01:32:57.220 killing deer

01:32:57.860 still in the woods,

01:33:00.080 it's not,

01:33:00.740 then you go do it.

01:33:02.120 If you could jerk off

01:33:03.140 and every,

01:33:03.500 I mean,

01:33:03.720 some of these young guys,

01:33:04.680 they could fucking

01:33:05.200 fill up a tire

01:33:06.120 or a car tire.

01:33:07.680 You know,

01:33:07.980 they get that triple A

01:33:09.040 out the weenie.

01:33:10.400 They pull over

01:33:11.320 and they go fucking,

01:33:12.180 you know,

01:33:12.500 fix a flat

01:33:13.380 off of one splat.

01:33:15.960 Sorry,

01:33:16.380 this is sounding

01:33:16.860 really like a bad

01:33:18.420 comedy album.

01:33:20.400 But,

01:33:20.780 but you know what I'm saying,

01:33:21.620 man,

01:33:21.760 some people have that ability

01:33:22.880 and they,

01:33:23.860 but if I do it nowadays,

01:33:25.260 I feel bad

01:33:26.140 because I don't want

01:33:26.840 to be doing it,

01:33:27.420 man,

01:33:27.520 because I want to

01:33:27.880 keep my chi.

01:33:28.620 I want to keep that,

01:33:29.440 you know,

01:33:29.700 we have to retain

01:33:30.400 what we have

01:33:31.240 because the universe,

01:33:32.340 man,

01:33:32.880 this tech universe

01:33:33.720 is making all of us,

01:33:34.780 you know,

01:33:35.100 about two years from now

01:33:36.940 it's going to be crazy

01:33:37.600 to even have a,

01:33:38.620 you know,

01:33:39.280 still have semen.

01:33:41.360 People are going to be,

01:33:42.040 you know,

01:33:42.820 throwing their semen

01:33:43.520 off of cliffs and stuff.

01:33:44.500 It's going to get weird.

01:33:45.660 So some of us

01:33:46.400 got to hold the line

01:33:47.160 and hold on to that seat.

01:33:49.140 Uh,

01:33:49.420 one more call.

01:33:49.940 still love the show.

01:33:52.360 Gang,

01:33:52.640 gang.

01:33:53.760 Connor from Philadelphia.

01:33:55.280 What's up,

01:33:55.800 Thomas from Philadelphia.

01:33:56.820 Thank you for calling.

01:33:58.100 Uh,

01:33:58.500 I'm going to use you

01:33:59.020 as an example real quick,

01:34:00.100 man.

01:34:00.260 If you guys call,

01:34:01.100 you know,

01:34:01.260 and when you do,

01:34:01.800 I'm grateful that you do.

01:34:03.500 And I do want you to know

01:34:04.600 that this is a safe place

01:34:05.600 to call.

01:34:07.400 And if you call,

01:34:08.680 try and sit upright

01:34:09.800 or something when you talk

01:34:10.680 so I can hear you better.

01:34:12.280 Uh,

01:34:12.720 thanks for calling,

01:34:13.380 Thomas.

01:34:13.680 Any tips

01:34:16.020 and advice

01:34:16.780 you got for

01:34:17.480 a fellow man

01:34:18.780 that are participating

01:34:19.800 in No Nut November?

01:34:22.840 I want to see

01:34:23.680 what your thoughts are on it

01:34:25.040 and if you got any tips

01:34:26.440 for us.

01:34:27.540 Gang, gang.

01:34:31.680 Well,

01:34:32.440 you know,

01:34:33.020 I'll say this.

01:34:34.360 If you mess up,

01:34:36.540 you can recommit.

01:34:39.080 You know,

01:34:39.240 don't be afraid to recommit.

01:34:40.260 Just because you mess up

01:34:40.880 doesn't make you a bad person

01:34:42.000 or anything like that.

01:34:42.640 It makes you human.

01:34:43.680 You know,

01:34:45.720 it makes you human

01:34:46.400 and there's a lot of examples

01:34:47.600 out there that people

01:34:48.320 aren't allowed to mess up.

01:34:49.280 People aren't allowed

01:34:49.620 to say something

01:34:50.300 and explain themselves

01:34:51.900 or talk about it.

01:34:52.800 That ain't the world

01:34:53.320 I live in.

01:34:54.460 And that world

01:34:54.980 is dying off, man.

01:34:56.840 A lot of these people

01:34:57.400 live in this fictional world

01:34:58.620 where they're just accusing,

01:34:59.680 you know,

01:35:00.020 somebody can't share

01:35:00.800 a thought or a feeling

01:35:01.700 even if they're wrong

01:35:02.620 and then humble themselves

01:35:05.920 and apologize.

01:35:10.180 You know?

01:35:12.340 I mean,

01:35:12.820 people are really divided

01:35:13.640 on that lady,

01:35:14.180 Megyn Kelly

01:35:14.680 and I don't get,

01:35:16.280 and this isn't a political

01:35:17.000 thing at all.

01:35:18.260 But,

01:35:19.540 you know,

01:35:21.300 she,

01:35:21.740 you know,

01:35:22.360 I don't think what she said

01:35:23.260 was wrong.

01:35:24.180 I think what she said

01:35:25.020 was very progressive

01:35:26.000 in a lot of ways.

01:35:27.740 We can't share our,

01:35:29.600 you know,

01:35:30.280 a child can't,

01:35:31.820 you know,

01:35:33.800 impersonate,

01:35:34.380 a white kid

01:35:35.180 can't impersonate

01:35:36.520 his favorite

01:35:37.060 black character

01:35:38.080 because

01:35:39.880 of stuff

01:35:42.320 that people

01:35:42.760 who aren't even alive

01:35:43.640 anymore were doing

01:35:44.260 a long time ago

01:35:45.000 to be racist.

01:35:49.760 It just feels,

01:35:52.200 it feels like

01:35:53.000 what you're teaching

01:35:53.600 that kid there

01:35:54.320 then,

01:35:54.740 then it's just,

01:35:55.580 it's not about

01:35:56.480 connectivity.

01:35:59.600 You know,

01:36:00.200 to me,

01:36:00.560 it just feels,

01:36:01.180 it doesn't feel right.

01:36:02.200 That's the thing.

01:36:02.880 And maybe I don't know

01:36:03.740 exactly what the feelings are,

01:36:04.660 but it doesn't feel right.

01:36:05.940 And of course,

01:36:06.560 I'm just a white person

01:36:07.340 saying it.

01:36:07.760 I get that.

01:36:09.040 I get that other people

01:36:10.020 might have that point of view.

01:36:11.420 But if I,

01:36:12.100 you know,

01:36:12.300 if I have a daughter

01:36:13.000 or something,

01:36:13.380 she loves a black princess

01:36:14.540 or she loves,

01:36:15.760 you know,

01:36:16.000 native Pocahontas

01:36:18.380 and she can't dress up

01:36:19.940 like her

01:36:20.460 because it's,

01:36:23.960 you know,

01:36:25.300 I don't know.

01:36:27.500 Then I just don't know

01:36:28.300 if that's the funnest

01:36:29.080 feeling to be,

01:36:29.880 you know,

01:36:30.360 if that's a,

01:36:31.360 you can't be her

01:36:32.060 because she's black.

01:36:34.460 You can't be her

01:36:35.300 because she's Native American.

01:36:41.340 Now,

01:36:41.760 if somebody's making fun

01:36:42.700 of somebody,

01:36:43.160 yeah,

01:36:43.380 but what's their intent?

01:36:45.660 You know,

01:36:46.140 and then here was the thing

01:36:46.860 about Megan Kelly.

01:36:47.380 She came out

01:36:47.740 and apologized.

01:36:49.160 And I think that,

01:36:50.000 you know,

01:36:50.180 the shit with the network

01:36:51.100 and all that

01:36:51.640 and her agency dropped her.

01:36:52.860 I thought that that was lame

01:36:53.600 by her agency

01:36:54.240 to let her go.

01:36:55.560 You know,

01:36:56.020 trying to save

01:36:56.580 this invisible face

01:36:57.700 and not be,

01:36:58.300 like,

01:36:59.040 if a black woman

01:37:00.680 says something

01:37:01.260 that they think

01:37:02.220 and they apologize

01:37:03.960 for it,

01:37:04.440 it's like,

01:37:04.700 or if a Latino woman

01:37:06.740 says something

01:37:07.180 and they apologize for it,

01:37:08.120 then you listen

01:37:09.000 to their apology.

01:37:10.200 You decide

01:37:10.840 if you think

01:37:11.260 they're sincere.

01:37:14.240 You know,

01:37:14.760 I found that

01:37:15.380 Megan Kelly

01:37:15.860 was very sincere.

01:37:18.160 You know,

01:37:18.640 you let them

01:37:19.120 share their thoughts,

01:37:19.860 but to not let

01:37:21.680 anybody apologize

01:37:22.900 for a mistake

01:37:24.080 that they made,

01:37:24.840 and maybe

01:37:27.100 it was bigger

01:37:27.820 than that.

01:37:29.660 But I don't care

01:37:30.440 what color

01:37:31.460 or background

01:37:32.180 or anything

01:37:32.640 someone is.

01:37:35.680 Here's the thing,

01:37:36.480 it's not a sustainable

01:37:37.980 human way

01:37:38.840 for people not

01:37:39.940 to be able to apologize

01:37:40.660 when they make a mistake.

01:37:41.620 What are you teaching

01:37:42.100 children then?

01:37:43.500 What are you teaching

01:37:44.200 she should know better?

01:37:45.860 Maybe she doesn't know,

01:37:48.300 but you think

01:37:48.600 all adults

01:37:49.120 just fucking know better

01:37:50.200 because they're adults?

01:37:51.780 Or all adults

01:37:52.640 know exactly

01:37:53.380 what your idea

01:37:54.320 of knowing better is?

01:37:56.500 People have different ideas.

01:37:58.680 What about that?

01:38:01.300 You know,

01:38:01.860 a lot of these,

01:38:03.000 there's a lot of Hollywood

01:38:03.740 that doesn't want to

01:38:04.580 just work with people,

01:38:07.160 that doesn't want to

01:38:07.840 meet humanity

01:38:08.640 where they are,

01:38:09.980 which is human.

01:38:11.900 We're human, man.

01:38:14.340 People make mistakes

01:38:15.440 all the time.

01:38:17.400 And those are

01:38:18.100 great opportunities

01:38:18.940 to learn.

01:38:19.600 These are the things

01:38:20.140 that they taught us.

01:38:21.620 These are the things

01:38:22.220 that I've learned

01:38:22.680 from Hollywood

01:38:23.480 and from

01:38:23.980 growing up

01:38:24.980 and from being,

01:38:25.820 you know,

01:38:26.220 teaching,

01:38:26.780 people teaching me stuff.

01:38:28.900 The mistakes

01:38:29.400 are a great opportunity

01:38:30.200 to learn.

01:38:31.580 And then now

01:38:31.980 somebody makes a mistake

01:38:32.980 or what you,

01:38:34.460 or what they,

01:38:35.020 you know,

01:38:35.540 and is affront about it

01:38:37.120 and apologizes

01:38:38.100 and tries to be sympathetic

01:38:39.820 or empathetic.

01:38:41.320 I don't know which one.

01:38:42.240 and they fucking

01:38:44.520 are just chastised.

01:38:45.880 It's just like,

01:38:47.460 man,

01:38:49.560 it's not,

01:38:50.080 it's just not a cool place

01:38:51.200 for anybody

01:38:51.860 to not be able

01:38:53.300 to make a mistake

01:38:54.140 because it's not realistic.

01:38:58.040 That's the thing.

01:38:59.660 It's not realistic.

01:39:01.940 And I've never held

01:39:02.840 anybody to that standard

01:39:03.840 in my life.

01:39:05.960 You know,

01:39:06.460 and if I ever have,

01:39:07.240 man,

01:39:07.340 I'm sorry,

01:39:07.960 you know,

01:39:08.580 I don't care

01:39:10.780 where they're from

01:39:11.480 or who they are,

01:39:12.240 what color they are,

01:39:13.080 what they're,

01:39:14.820 you know,

01:39:15.460 like the other day

01:39:16.980 I was at home

01:39:17.540 and I heard a kid

01:39:18.220 tell a racist joke,

01:39:19.800 you know,

01:39:21.360 some joke.

01:39:21.760 I didn't think

01:39:22.160 it was cool.

01:39:25.120 And I told him,

01:39:26.340 but I told him why,

01:39:28.760 you know,

01:39:28.880 I said,

01:39:29.160 look,

01:39:29.320 this is why

01:39:29.720 I don't like hearing that

01:39:30.880 because this is why.

01:39:33.740 And it was cool.

01:39:35.620 It was cool.

01:39:37.380 You know,

01:39:38.220 but to not have a chance for,

01:39:41.080 and then I listened to the kid

01:39:42.340 and what they thought.

01:39:43.720 You know,

01:39:43.860 they said,

01:39:44.080 well,

01:39:44.180 somebody told me that at school

01:39:45.360 and I understand,

01:39:47.900 you know,

01:39:48.360 and I understood

01:39:48.840 where they're coming from.

01:39:49.620 That fucking kid,

01:39:50.360 it might not be racist.

01:39:51.280 The kid has learned

01:39:51.940 something from somewhere.

01:39:54.580 But adults should be able to.

01:39:59.360 Everyone.

01:39:59.940 Should be able to make mistakes

01:40:01.040 or even not make mistakes

01:40:02.700 and be able to explain themselves.

01:40:05.300 You know,

01:40:05.480 but when we live in a world

01:40:06.340 where you can't,

01:40:06.840 where people can't have

01:40:07.500 a different point of,

01:40:08.760 not even a point of view,

01:40:09.580 but a point of discussion.

01:40:13.700 It's really strange, man.

01:40:16.060 And I'm grateful

01:40:16.720 that we don't live

01:40:17.280 in that place here.

01:40:18.200 And if you ever feel

01:40:19.160 like I'm acting that way

01:40:20.120 or being that way,

01:40:20.820 man,

01:40:21.000 please bring that up.

01:40:22.320 Hit me on the hotline

01:40:23.080 985-664-9503.

01:40:26.000 And in the meantime,

01:40:26.820 I'll be trying

01:40:27.180 not to jerk off, dude,

01:40:28.840 and not be ashamed

01:40:29.620 of myself if I don't.

01:40:30.980 But what tips do I have?

01:40:32.040 That's what you asked about.

01:40:33.580 What tips do I have

01:40:34.700 when it comes to

01:40:35.260 not jerking off?

01:40:37.260 Dude,

01:40:37.580 you got to stay off

01:40:38.100 the electronica at night.

01:40:40.060 Sexting and stuff like that,

01:40:41.200 I think,

01:40:41.500 are being sensual over text

01:40:42.820 or looking at sexy things

01:40:44.000 on text or,

01:40:45.600 you know,

01:40:45.940 even Instagram,

01:40:46.800 looking at tits

01:40:47.540 or looking at brassieres.

01:40:49.400 You know,

01:40:49.640 I used to Google,

01:40:50.360 you know,

01:40:50.660 rare brassieres and stuff.

01:40:52.260 I'd be doing drugs

01:40:53.240 and you're Googling

01:40:53.840 rare brassieres

01:40:54.760 and,

01:40:54.980 you know,

01:40:55.320 different Roman,

01:40:56.740 you know,

01:40:57.280 archipelago type of,

01:40:58.640 you know,

01:40:59.040 brassieres from the past

01:41:00.320 and all of this shit

01:41:01.280 and,

01:41:02.040 you know,

01:41:02.360 ancient,

01:41:02.980 you know,

01:41:03.620 titty covers

01:41:04.320 and all of that.

01:41:05.540 And next thing you know,

01:41:06.260 I'm busting out to some shit

01:41:07.560 that's 1100 AD.

01:41:08.760 So that's one way

01:41:11.160 to stay off of,

01:41:12.340 to make it through November.

01:41:14.420 Stay off the electronic

01:41:15.580 sexual,

01:41:17.080 you know,

01:41:17.540 endorsements.

01:41:18.740 Because look,

01:41:19.240 there's a lot of companies out there.

01:41:20.240 They want you to,

01:41:20.960 they're companies,

01:41:21.900 dude.

01:41:22.200 They want you to bust.

01:41:23.800 That's all they are.

01:41:25.380 All this sexual,

01:41:26.480 you know,

01:41:26.980 why are you advertising

01:41:27.720 a women's bathing suit

01:41:28.880 at a man?

01:41:30.360 And then the next day

01:41:31.600 you're advertising pornography.

01:41:33.340 Because the first day

01:41:34.220 they got you thinking about that

01:41:35.640 and the second day

01:41:36.680 they got you thinking about

01:41:38.340 that.

01:41:41.780 Okay,

01:41:42.380 that's the first thing.

01:41:43.420 Number two,

01:41:46.020 spend time with people.

01:41:47.120 Don't be alone.

01:41:48.140 If you're alone all the time,

01:41:49.800 dude,

01:41:49.980 nobody's jerking off

01:41:50.860 in front of their friends,

01:41:51.860 right?

01:41:52.500 Except for Louie Anderson

01:41:53.720 or Louie CK.

01:41:55.120 Sorry.

01:41:56.320 I don't know Louie Anderson

01:41:57.440 that well.

01:41:58.360 But dude,

01:41:58.780 honestly,

01:41:59.200 bro,

01:41:59.620 I'd watch Louie Anderson

01:42:00.680 jerk off,

01:42:01.300 dude.

01:42:01.440 It seemed like it would be exciting.

01:42:03.080 He's fucking entertaining.

01:42:04.060 I bet he would make

01:42:04.600 a great bit about it.

01:42:06.400 And he's a showman.

01:42:11.200 I mean,

01:42:11.880 anyway,

01:42:12.500 that was kind of,

01:42:13.320 I don't know where I went with that.

01:42:15.020 But,

01:42:15.340 but,

01:42:15.620 don't be alone.

01:42:18.240 People that's jerking off

01:42:19.120 is alone.

01:42:20.600 That,

01:42:20.720 that,

01:42:20.900 that mentality of like

01:42:22.160 being by yourself

01:42:23.060 and being secret

01:42:23.900 and you fucking,

01:42:24.920 you know,

01:42:26.040 dealing up a little batch

01:42:27.220 of hand sauce.

01:42:27.980 That's a lonely event.

01:42:28.880 Spend time with others.

01:42:29.820 Interact with others.

01:42:30.780 You'll feel the joy from others

01:42:31.940 and they'll feel your joy.

01:42:33.240 And you feel a little bit

01:42:34.000 more value to yourself.

01:42:35.620 And I think when you,

01:42:36.420 when you feel a little bit

01:42:37.020 more value,

01:42:37.560 you might not go on

01:42:38.340 to those types of sites.

01:42:39.980 Third,

01:42:40.460 and most importantly,

01:42:41.640 you can get,

01:42:42.300 there's,

01:42:42.560 there's something I have

01:42:44.420 on my own phone.

01:42:45.200 I'll show you right now,

01:42:46.200 dude.

01:42:46.560 It is called,

01:42:48.240 like I Google right here,

01:42:50.760 I Google Hotlanta

01:42:51.860 Breast Nudy Babies.

01:42:55.220 Okay?

01:42:55.780 And I got this thing

01:42:56.680 comes up.

01:42:57.280 It's called Mobisip.

01:42:58.440 M-O-B-I-C-I-P.

01:43:00.040 This content has been restricted

01:43:01.440 for your safety.

01:43:02.880 This is an advertisement.

01:43:03.840 I don't work for Mobisip.

01:43:05.480 Okay?

01:43:05.760 Another one is called

01:43:06.400 Covenant Eyes.

01:43:07.160 You can put that

01:43:07.560 on your computer.

01:43:08.360 You give the password

01:43:09.080 to a friend.

01:43:10.340 You know,

01:43:10.820 or an enemy.

01:43:11.460 That's crazy.

01:43:12.180 So then they know

01:43:12.840 if you looking up them,

01:43:14.240 you know,

01:43:15.040 them jerky hitters at night,

01:43:16.480 they get a ping

01:43:17.180 on their phone.

01:43:19.220 They're,

01:43:19.520 you know,

01:43:19.920 they might be at a,

01:43:21.280 you know,

01:43:21.800 maybe having a couple

01:43:22.560 waffles or something

01:43:23.580 over there at,

01:43:24.340 you know,

01:43:24.680 at Wally's Waffles

01:43:25.640 and then they get a ping

01:43:26.580 and it's like,

01:43:27.120 oh,

01:43:27.380 Randall,

01:43:28.340 Randall's looking up

01:43:29.480 that dark bust

01:43:30.640 and you're like,

01:43:32.340 damn.

01:43:33.560 So you don't want

01:43:34.220 that happening.

01:43:34.740 You don't want to be

01:43:35.220 interrupting somebody's

01:43:36.280 digestion with your,

01:43:37.560 you know,

01:43:37.980 infection.

01:43:38.940 So you can,

01:43:39.880 you can,

01:43:41.240 you know,

01:43:41.780 one way,

01:43:42.680 that's called

01:43:43.380 Covenant Eyes

01:43:44.300 and Mobisip.

01:43:45.260 Those are two things

01:43:45.780 you can have

01:43:46.300 and those will keep you

01:43:47.260 from,

01:43:47.680 you know,

01:43:49.260 pleasuring yourself.

01:43:50.240 It just is one more

01:43:51.020 line of defense

01:43:51.780 because the pleasure

01:43:53.980 of yourself,

01:43:54.500 man,

01:43:54.700 you,

01:43:54.920 you get the idea

01:43:56.020 and then you have

01:43:56.940 to act on it

01:43:57.740 and sometimes

01:43:58.420 if you have one more

01:43:59.240 hurdle,

01:44:00.220 even though I hate

01:44:01.220 hurdles,

01:44:01.680 dude,

01:44:02.000 lame sport,

01:44:02.640 jump over something,

01:44:03.760 put a fucking tiger

01:44:04.700 out there,

01:44:05.260 bruh,

01:44:05.720 you know what I'm

01:44:05.980 saying?

01:44:07.160 Have somebody jump

01:44:07.840 over,

01:44:08.220 you know,

01:44:08.580 70,000 snails

01:44:09.780 or something,

01:44:10.160 not just a little

01:44:10.700 piece of,

01:44:11.240 you know,

01:44:11.820 pipe or whatever

01:44:12.420 that is,

01:44:12.880 plexiglass,

01:44:14.440 I don't know what

01:44:14.760 it is,

01:44:15.020 but,

01:44:15.320 but anyway,

01:44:16.120 but you have one more

01:44:17.760 hurdle between you

01:44:18.680 and doing that

01:44:20.080 self-batch,

01:44:21.560 so,

01:44:22.120 but those are my

01:44:22.780 three items,

01:44:23.520 man,

01:44:23.600 and good luck

01:44:24.000 out there.

01:44:24.620 We have two more

01:44:25.280 calls that came in

01:44:26.060 and then we're

01:44:26.900 going to go,

01:44:27.320 man,

01:44:27.460 I'm so grateful

01:44:28.000 for you guys

01:44:28.640 and I'm so grateful

01:44:29.500 for you guys

01:44:29.900 just sticking with

01:44:30.420 this podcast

01:44:30.900 and staying with me,

01:44:31.920 man,

01:44:32.680 and,

01:44:33.060 you know,

01:44:34.260 I'm learning as I go

01:44:35.160 and that's what

01:44:35.780 we're doing here

01:44:36.400 and I'm trying to

01:44:37.840 focus on,

01:44:38.640 you know,

01:44:38.820 for me,

01:44:39.140 I need to go back

01:44:40.080 to more meetings

01:44:40.880 and get in more

01:44:42.120 types of environments

01:44:43.000 where,

01:44:45.220 you know,

01:44:46.280 it just,

01:44:46.960 I don't want to feel

01:44:47.540 like I'm talking

01:44:48.040 at people,

01:44:48.880 I want to feel

01:44:49.340 like I'm talking

01:44:49.760 with people

01:44:50.400 and I want to feel

01:44:52.120 like I can hear

01:44:52.700 really good.

01:44:53.400 When I can really

01:44:53.920 hear others,

01:44:54.720 I know that I'm

01:44:55.260 really connected

01:44:55.900 and so my hearing

01:44:57.720 level has been

01:44:58.340 a little bit wild

01:44:59.260 in the past couple

01:45:00.420 months because

01:45:01.040 my life's been

01:45:02.980 changing,

01:45:03.560 man.

01:45:04.560 You know,

01:45:04.940 my life has been

01:45:05.420 changing,

01:45:06.100 like,

01:45:06.800 you know,

01:45:07.180 finally after like

01:45:07.980 15 years,

01:45:08.520 I'm going to places

01:45:09.100 and people are

01:45:09.600 coming out to see

01:45:10.400 my work.

01:45:12.060 You know,

01:45:12.560 it's like,

01:45:14.140 you know,

01:45:14.440 and I'm living my

01:45:15.080 dreams in some way

01:45:16.200 and it's scary

01:45:17.600 to think.

01:45:19.720 You know,

01:45:19.960 and I'll talk

01:45:20.320 about that maybe

01:45:20.820 a little bit more

01:45:21.460 next week because

01:45:21.980 that's making me

01:45:22.980 think about a lot

01:45:23.600 of stuff.

01:45:24.540 Let's take another

01:45:25.200 call.

01:45:25.540 Here we go.

01:45:26.420 Hey, Theo.

01:45:27.360 This is Sydney

01:45:28.240 in Oklahoma.

01:45:30.140 Thanks for calling

01:45:30.800 Sydney.

01:45:31.200 Onward.

01:45:31.760 I hear you talk

01:45:32.600 a lot about how

01:45:33.560 like you're trying

01:45:34.460 to not masturbate

01:45:36.240 and you don't

01:45:37.760 watch porn

01:45:38.540 and so I thought

01:45:40.420 that you'd be a

01:45:41.140 really good person

01:45:41.940 to ask this

01:45:43.000 question.

01:45:43.460 I did find

01:45:45.620 out not too

01:45:46.480 long ago that

01:45:47.220 my boyfriend

01:45:48.540 had been watching

01:45:49.220 porn behind my

01:45:50.040 back.

01:45:50.680 He does know

01:45:51.540 that I am

01:45:52.020 against it for

01:45:52.760 my own personal

01:45:53.580 reasons.

01:45:55.480 Okay,

01:45:56.000 so your boyfriend

01:45:56.440 was watching the

01:45:57.000 pornography behind

01:45:57.980 your back and

01:45:59.140 that's really a

01:45:59.780 fun place to

01:46:00.320 watch it.

01:46:00.700 I'll be honest.

01:46:01.660 You know,

01:46:02.220 that makes you

01:46:02.900 but they make

01:46:03.560 it feel more

01:46:04.000 secretive.

01:46:05.260 You know,

01:46:05.440 he can't be

01:46:05.840 that front yard

01:46:06.680 fucking have

01:46:07.200 that screen

01:46:07.760 light up his

01:46:08.280 face in the

01:46:08.700 front yard and

01:46:09.220 got two raccoons

01:46:10.080 behind him doing

01:46:10.740 also doing it,

01:46:11.800 you know,

01:46:12.020 touching himself

01:46:12.700 and looking at

01:46:13.300 them,

01:46:14.300 you know,

01:46:14.620 human breasts.

01:46:15.560 Onward.

01:46:16.380 When I found

01:46:17.100 out I did freak

01:46:17.740 out a little

01:46:18.160 bit and I,

01:46:20.420 you know,

01:46:21.080 got really mad

01:46:21.740 at him and it

01:46:22.260 didn't go well.

01:46:22.900 It wasn't an

01:46:23.220 open conversation

01:46:23.980 and I did find

01:46:25.580 out that that

01:46:25.980 did cause him

01:46:26.660 to further hide

01:46:27.760 it from me.

01:46:29.060 Yeah,

01:46:29.660 and that's shame,

01:46:30.500 you know,

01:46:31.240 and we feel ashamed

01:46:32.240 if we get busted

01:46:33.160 for it a little bit

01:46:34.080 and then it's still

01:46:35.100 the only thing

01:46:35.660 that we know

01:46:36.060 how to do to

01:46:36.520 make ourselves

01:46:36.960 feel good sometimes

01:46:37.880 and so we keep

01:46:38.520 doing it.

01:46:39.160 Onward.

01:46:39.340 Let me hear

01:46:48.080 that in part

01:46:48.520 again because I

01:46:48.960 think I missed

01:46:49.400 something.

01:46:49.800 Onward.

01:46:49.980 partaking in the

01:46:52.500 porn so I guess

01:46:54.420 my question is

01:46:55.000 just like how

01:46:55.640 do I address

01:46:57.140 this in a way

01:46:58.220 that it's going

01:46:59.020 to create an

01:46:59.420 open conversation

01:47:00.200 and maybe just

01:47:02.700 like help our

01:47:03.420 relationship a

01:47:04.040 little bit more.

01:47:04.700 I love him so

01:47:06.060 much and it's

01:47:07.620 something that I'm

01:47:08.640 willing to work

01:47:09.180 with him on.

01:47:09.860 I just don't know

01:47:10.820 where to start and

01:47:11.600 I don't want him

01:47:12.220 to close down

01:47:13.240 whenever I do

01:47:14.600 try to address

01:47:15.840 this subject.

01:47:16.520 If there are

01:47:17.860 guys that have

01:47:19.040 some advice as

01:47:19.860 well I'd really

01:47:20.580 love to hear it

01:47:21.320 because I'm a

01:47:22.660 little bit at a

01:47:23.120 loss but you

01:47:24.580 know it's

01:47:24.820 something that I'm

01:47:25.340 willing to work

01:47:25.860 on.

01:47:26.960 Okay and I

01:47:27.600 appreciate you

01:47:28.000 calling me to

01:47:28.560 cut you off

01:47:29.020 there but I

01:47:29.420 just you know

01:47:29.860 the episode has

01:47:30.440 been long for

01:47:31.000 everyone and I

01:47:31.860 appreciate what

01:47:32.380 you're saying

01:47:32.800 there and I

01:47:34.100 don't want to

01:47:34.680 lose my thought

01:47:35.520 that I can you

01:47:36.420 know that I can

01:47:37.100 share my

01:47:37.880 experience and my

01:47:39.200 strength and hope

01:47:39.840 with you from

01:47:40.280 that.

01:47:42.120 You know it's

01:47:42.780 nice that you

01:47:43.240 care it's nice

01:47:43.860 that you want to

01:47:44.520 know how to

01:47:45.000 present it to him

01:47:45.580 because presentation

01:47:46.100 is everything you

01:47:47.400 know if you

01:47:47.660 present somebody

01:47:48.340 to you know if

01:47:50.080 you go if

01:47:50.540 something you

01:47:51.100 know it's

01:47:52.100 like if you

01:47:54.840 show up with

01:47:55.260 your you know

01:47:55.920 presentation is

01:47:57.820 everything you

01:47:58.300 can be angry but

01:47:59.080 you can show up

01:47:59.440 with your hand

01:48:00.160 open man that's

01:48:04.820 that is power to

01:48:06.720 be angry and show

01:48:07.420 up with your hand

01:48:07.920 open instead of

01:48:08.780 closed bro that's

01:48:09.480 power and with

01:48:11.080 the open hand you

01:48:11.680 can get you can

01:48:13.020 get something and

01:48:15.440 what you can get

01:48:16.100 is somewhere you

01:48:17.520 can get somewhere

01:48:18.140 when you show up

01:48:19.680 like this everybody

01:48:21.940 can you know and

01:48:24.580 we I'm sick of

01:48:25.220 there's this vibe

01:48:26.080 out there that only

01:48:26.560 some people need to

01:48:27.460 show up open-handed

01:48:28.260 no everybody needs

01:48:29.940 to show up open-handed

01:48:30.920 but with your you

01:48:34.020 know that I love the

01:48:35.420 fact that you want

01:48:35.860 to know how to

01:48:36.260 approach him and you

01:48:39.180 know yeah it's shut

01:48:40.420 down it's a shameful

01:48:41.220 thing and we do it

01:48:42.980 and I and I say we

01:48:44.060 because I've done

01:48:44.680 this and I do it

01:48:45.640 you know it's a

01:48:46.960 form of self-pleasure

01:48:47.740 and a form of

01:48:48.200 self-soothing I do

01:48:49.080 it it soothes

01:48:49.520 myself it makes me

01:48:50.300 feel okay it's one

01:48:51.880 way that I can make

01:48:52.440 myself feel good

01:48:53.340 immediately you know

01:48:55.500 and for me those are

01:48:56.600 a lot of feelings I

01:48:57.180 never felt good

01:48:57.860 growing up and so

01:48:58.560 that's a way that I

01:48:59.220 can it's a you know

01:49:02.040 it's a it's almost at

01:49:03.540 this point become a

01:49:04.980 fake you know it's

01:49:07.680 almost become a drug

01:49:08.520 it's like a jewel I'm

01:49:10.360 just hitting my jewel

01:49:11.200 you know getting that

01:49:12.500 that uh that you

01:49:14.820 know this is such a

01:49:16.480 tacky term but that

01:49:17.480 dick-a-teen you know

01:49:18.620 I'm just getting that

01:49:19.380 feeling that I'm

01:49:20.900 getting that that up

01:49:22.380 hit that makes me

01:49:23.380 feel good and that's

01:49:25.060 what he's doing you

01:49:25.760 know and he's

01:49:26.280 probably there's

01:49:26.820 probably some addiction

01:49:27.460 to it and if you

01:49:28.920 don't like it you know

01:49:30.780 you can all you can

01:49:31.400 say hey look I don't

01:49:32.280 really like it I'd like

01:49:33.020 if you spent more of

01:49:33.660 that time with me um

01:49:35.340 you know I'd like if

01:49:36.440 you thought of me in

01:49:37.160 those ways and see how

01:49:39.080 he reacts to it I

01:49:40.980 mean if he doesn't

01:49:41.340 want to change his

01:49:41.920 ways and I think for

01:49:42.700 you you got to make

01:49:43.260 your own decision what

01:49:44.080 do you want to do

01:49:44.760 you know do you want

01:49:46.440 to stay there do you

01:49:47.280 want to move separately

01:49:48.440 and that might not be

01:49:49.300 what you're looking for

01:49:49.920 you're just looking

01:49:50.240 how to present it to

01:49:51.020 him but if it is

01:49:53.540 affecting you guys

01:49:54.180 a sex life you know

01:49:58.300 ask him what he

01:49:58.840 really wants is you

01:49:59.480 have you know he

01:50:00.120 might be afraid to

01:50:00.700 talk about something

01:50:01.380 sexually with you my

01:50:03.040 problems have been if

01:50:03.880 I'm in love with a

01:50:04.660 woman I have a very

01:50:06.260 tough time marrying

01:50:07.300 someone that I really

01:50:08.060 care about and

01:50:08.820 someone that I'm able

01:50:09.540 to have sex with

01:50:10.400 you know and

01:50:11.800 there's all there's

01:50:12.400 you know they call

01:50:12.940 that the Madonna

01:50:13.480 whore complex there's

01:50:14.580 a lot of different

01:50:15.160 series of thoughts

01:50:16.080 around it um and

01:50:18.840 you know and that's

01:50:19.340 one of the things I

01:50:19.840 go to therapy about

01:50:20.640 sometimes trying to

01:50:21.400 figure out for myself

01:50:22.160 and get into some of

01:50:23.040 that but even with

01:50:24.640 therapy some of it's

01:50:25.300 just practice you know

01:50:26.620 and doing a practice

01:50:27.440 with your partner and

01:50:29.160 so you got to ask you

01:50:30.260 know you got to ask

01:50:31.040 him hey you know why

01:50:33.220 don't we not watch it

01:50:35.400 together and look and

01:50:36.320 let's talk and be

01:50:37.060 endless share what do

01:50:38.320 you like what

01:50:38.860 pornography do you

01:50:39.700 like have him sit

01:50:41.460 and tell you it's

01:50:41.940 gonna be really

01:50:42.460 uncomfortable maybe

01:50:43.440 but he'll be sharing

01:50:45.300 you know um and I

01:50:47.880 only say that because

01:50:48.760 you know when I've

01:50:49.780 been asked that I

01:50:50.300 have tough time even

01:50:51.040 talking about that

01:50:51.660 kind of stuff because

01:50:52.220 it makes me feel like

01:50:53.260 ashamed of myself I

01:50:54.280 guess if I share like

01:50:55.300 even sexual type of

01:50:56.340 thoughts and stuff um

01:50:58.760 and I don't know where

01:50:59.500 some of that comes

01:51:00.160 from you know it's

01:51:02.620 like I'll be like

01:51:03.100 perverted on one side

01:51:04.180 of my head but

01:51:04.660 afraid to even like you

01:51:05.920 know but like a

01:51:06.500 embarrassed to even

01:51:07.420 talk about sex on the

01:51:08.480 other side of my head

01:51:09.260 and maybe that's just

01:51:11.800 whatever affliction is

01:51:12.700 the same you know I

01:51:13.480 don't know I don't

01:51:15.440 know maybe it's just

01:51:16.200 who I am and maybe

01:51:17.680 that's just how I'll

01:51:18.280 always be you know I

01:51:19.020 don't always want to

01:51:19.600 fight everything that I

01:51:20.380 am but for him I

01:51:22.760 would you know I'd

01:51:23.480 ask him you know if

01:51:24.160 there's ways that we

01:51:24.720 could spend time

01:51:25.240 together so you're not

01:51:25.880 watching this and how

01:51:28.120 it makes you feel that

01:51:29.800 he watches it you know

01:51:32.260 but make and make sure

01:51:33.380 you know how it it why

01:51:34.740 you feel that way too

01:51:35.820 not just I don't want

01:51:37.980 you watching but how

01:51:38.600 it makes you feel you

01:51:39.720 know and then it

01:51:43.340 might help him to be

01:51:44.220 able to know that by

01:51:45.300 not watching it he's

01:51:46.240 caring about you so

01:51:48.900 maybe if you can

01:51:49.440 present it to him

01:51:50.260 presentation again that

01:51:51.460 that could really be

01:51:52.120 something that could

01:51:52.560 help him like oh

01:51:54.200 wow so then he

01:51:55.500 doesn't think oh I'm

01:51:56.320 not you know by not

01:51:57.400 being addicted or

01:51:58.200 watching it that I'm

01:51:58.900 actually that I'm

01:51:59.760 actually I'm doing

01:52:02.320 something positive for

01:52:03.380 my girlfriend because

01:52:04.620 it's a powerful thing

01:52:05.920 this shit is powerful

01:52:07.720 and and I'm glad that

01:52:10.640 that you're on the

01:52:11.500 front lines of trying

01:52:12.140 to you know help him

01:52:13.360 figure it out I don't

01:52:15.520 know if that was

01:52:15.920 helpful or not but but

01:52:18.400 also there's also then

01:52:19.440 you can go to sex

01:52:20.400 addicts SLA sex and

01:52:22.060 love addiction you

01:52:22.680 could ask him to go to

01:52:23.480 that and go to some of

01:52:25.520 those meetings and talk

01:52:26.280 about it or just get

01:52:26.920 some of the literature

01:52:27.520 off the internet and

01:52:28.840 we'll put the link below

01:52:29.660 in the episode so you

01:52:30.520 can see that kind of

01:52:31.360 stuff a lot of men

01:52:32.700 going to that thing

01:52:33.620 and sex addiction

01:52:34.760 doesn't mean you're

01:52:35.480 fucking running around

01:52:36.380 town and you you

01:52:38.380 know you're trying to

01:52:39.340 ride every pony even

01:52:40.880 when the fairs close

01:52:41.780 down you jump in the

01:52:43.160 carnival gates to

01:52:44.120 fucking get on top of

01:52:45.040 this fake zebra or

01:52:46.100 something it means that

01:52:50.520 sometimes you're

01:52:51.100 emotionally you just

01:52:51.940 seek out comfort you

01:52:55.020 know you seek out

01:52:55.480 comfort from people

01:52:56.240 constant constant

01:52:58.540 comfort and for me you

01:53:01.180 know I've struggled with

01:53:02.100 some of that because I

01:53:02.620 didn't have a lot of

01:53:03.160 comfort as a child I

01:53:04.000 grew up in a very

01:53:04.860 uncomfortable environment

01:53:06.040 and I just never felt

01:53:09.240 any comfort and so I

01:53:10.220 would go for the first

01:53:10.940 place I could get it it's

01:53:11.840 like sugar you know

01:53:13.380 anything emotional that

01:53:14.700 makes me feel good or

01:53:16.700 joy from another woman

01:53:20.220 and so a lot of times

01:53:21.120 that would be you know

01:53:21.980 when you're young it's

01:53:23.500 comfort you get a little

01:53:24.540 older it's sexual and

01:53:26.320 then when pornography

01:53:27.060 comes it's just that you

01:53:28.760 can get the sexual all the

01:53:29.860 time and you get right

01:53:30.660 there and you just

01:53:31.340 standing on the ledge

01:53:32.360 just jerking off into

01:53:33.400 oblivion you don't even

01:53:34.940 realize you're doing it

01:53:35.860 anyway that's just some of

01:53:37.680 my thoughts I don't know

01:53:38.280 if any of that helped but

01:53:38.980 it's nice that you love

01:53:39.740 your man enough and you're

01:53:40.480 thinking about him but with

01:53:44.520 that said we got one more

01:53:46.560 call that came in man and

01:53:47.920 onward hey Theo man I just

01:53:53.120 wanted to call in I'm just

01:53:54.420 it's a regular Joe here

01:53:56.620 fucking whipping that FedEx

01:53:59.480 truck waiting on my

01:54:00.300 pickups and uh FedEx man

01:54:02.520 and I applaud you guys you

01:54:03.580 guys are Santas you guys

01:54:05.180 are Santa and I won't tell

01:54:06.520 the kiddies but you guys

01:54:08.200 are Santa and y'all are

01:54:10.260 doing a great job and I

01:54:11.260 think y'all should do an

01:54:11.820 airline dude some of these

01:54:13.600 airlines are so shitty

01:54:14.620 spirit you gotta dude you

01:54:18.740 don't even make it you show

01:54:19.780 up just you know the idea of

01:54:21.220 you shows up somewhere just

01:54:22.880 the ghost of you showing up

01:54:24.160 half of these joints FedEx

01:54:26.260 you guys should do an

01:54:26.920 airline overnight bro if

01:54:29.020 you guaranteed me I get

01:54:30.100 there tomorrow fuck for me

01:54:32.340 90 bucks I'm good enough

01:54:34.600 dude I'll jump on there

01:54:35.400 standing room only on a

01:54:36.620 FedEx dude a little bit of

01:54:38.920 cigarette area in the back

01:54:40.320 onward I was just listening

01:54:43.020 to your podcast and I've

01:54:44.580 heard every one of them

01:54:45.400 man I've called in a few

01:54:46.460 different times and I just

01:54:49.020 listened to that one about

01:54:50.340 that gentleman in Maine that

01:54:51.660 calls and uh

01:54:52.840 said that his wife for 12

01:54:56.300 years had just uh tragically

01:54:57.980 passed away man and that

01:54:59.080 hit me right in the fields

01:55:01.480 boy I mean I'm still I'm

01:55:02.840 cracking up right now a

01:55:03.800 little bit I'm breaking up

01:55:04.720 trying to try to get my

01:55:06.240 words out just to even talk

01:55:07.360 about it wasn't even me man

01:55:08.580 um but yeah to hear that

01:55:11.580 you're you know bringing

01:55:13.560 some light to his day and I

01:55:16.460 mean makes my problems feel

01:55:17.640 so dismal makes me feel like

01:55:19.840 like a fucking like a

01:55:22.000 fucking muppet out here bro

01:55:23.300 getting getting I'm emo

01:55:24.900 nemo right now over my

01:55:26.580 little basic ass problems

01:55:27.880 and you know I hear his

01:55:28.980 his problem I couldn't

01:55:30.940 imagine and man it's just

01:55:33.560 it's real touching and this

01:55:34.640 is this isn't the only time

01:55:35.880 that you got me fucking

01:55:37.760 tearing up out here boy and

01:55:39.260 your podcast over people's

01:55:41.180 calls and what you are able

01:55:42.880 to do for people and man just

01:55:44.680 keep spreading that love and

01:55:45.800 man it's truly awesome what

01:55:48.520 you're doing uh I just can't

01:55:51.340 emphasize it enough that you

01:55:52.440 are making a change in

01:55:53.360 people's lives man so love

01:55:55.840 you bro keep it up gang man

01:55:58.400 I appreciate you I appreciate

01:55:59.540 that that's nice you to say

01:56:00.980 uh yeah man it's funny

01:56:04.780 because your call I've been

01:56:05.720 joking around a lot in this

01:56:08.340 episode and your call like

01:56:09.240 really just kind of reset me

01:56:10.360 into a place I really that I

01:56:14.280 think I've been longing to be

01:56:15.320 in for a while now with this

01:56:16.680 you know on this podcast

01:56:18.140 sometimes you know a place

01:56:19.660 that I miss and a place of

01:56:20.820 just being uh you know just

01:56:24.900 sharing feelings you know and

01:56:28.340 sometimes with this podcast I've

01:56:29.560 gotten in a place where I feel

01:56:30.400 like I need to entertain and

01:56:31.520 not just be um and you know we

01:56:36.120 live and we learn and I'm glad

01:56:37.560 to be on this slope uh but uh

01:56:40.820 but yeah man you know that's

01:56:42.680 special that you care dude and

01:56:45.140 you know you're out there now

01:56:46.480 you're delivering you you know

01:56:47.720 you're tearing up onto those

01:56:48.900 packages you got me thinking

01:56:50.280 about these beautiful wet boxes

01:56:51.940 being delivered around the

01:56:53.260 universe by FedEx you know they

01:56:56.720 should charge it dude that should

01:56:57.800 be an extra eighty dollars you

01:57:00.020 know the driver washes the

01:57:01.460 packages in his own tears a tear

01:57:04.100 emotes emotions sorry I'm not

01:57:06.460 trying to you don't sound like a

01:57:07.380 cry guy to me at all and it's

01:57:08.680 okay if you drip a little you know

01:57:10.680 every guy we I'm dude I don't cry

01:57:13.060 much but I'll be a little drizzle

01:57:14.460 bear you know what I'm saying

01:57:15.760 and that's sweet of you dude it's

01:57:18.340 nice because you know what it

01:57:19.500 shows man when you can feel that

01:57:20.780 way dude or for me you know what

01:57:24.720 I've learned man and this is

01:57:25.660 something that I learned through

01:57:26.380 AA and going to these programs and

01:57:27.900 stuff I could never feel anything

01:57:29.260 as a kid and things would happen

01:57:31.240 and I have no feelings and now when

01:57:35.940 I can feel something man and it just

01:57:38.500 shows me it makes me realize how

01:57:39.840 much I can care about people and

01:57:43.160 that's and then it blows my own

01:57:45.860 mind you know and so you you know

01:57:49.920 you and by you calling this a week

01:57:51.620 later now I'm listening to this and

01:57:53.020 now I'm thinking about it and you

01:57:54.220 got me tearing up thinking about

01:57:55.640 this about just what it's like for

01:57:57.620 people to care about each other and

01:58:00.020 to care and you know I got a I got

01:58:02.400 an email from that gentleman

01:58:03.460 yesterday and he said to give him a

01:58:05.000 call and I'm gonna wait I think

01:58:06.520 next some other calls came in about

01:58:08.880 the man that had lost his wife you

01:58:11.860 know and I you know and I don't

01:58:15.180 know sometimes like you know I get

01:58:18.200 scared about making the podcast like

01:58:20.620 too much about like sentimental stuff

01:58:22.200 or not enough about funny stuff or

01:58:24.240 whatever but whatever man you know I

01:58:27.280 don't want to be thinking about that

01:58:28.400 anymore because this is something

01:58:30.700 that's cool you know I like this you

01:58:34.820 know I like being able to be here for a

01:58:36.000 moment where you know you care and now

01:58:38.440 you're taking some care out into the

01:58:39.780 world and so now you and do you're a

01:58:41.480 fucking deliver a damn care bear you're

01:58:43.920 delivering now whatever you're

01:58:46.020 delivering who cares whatever it is you

01:58:47.620 know Zappos or you know you know baby

01:58:51.480 refrigerators or something like that a

01:58:53.300 little you know maybe some you know

01:58:55.440 stone dolphins or something or little

01:58:57.280 you know good plastic bird baths or

01:58:59.220 something that do the music you're

01:59:01.080 delivering all these things but now

01:59:02.200 you're showing up with care you know

01:59:04.680 now you're showing up now you're

01:59:05.760 gonna look at some man you know you're

01:59:07.580 gonna see now you're walking down the

01:59:08.780 street and some man his wife you know

01:59:10.540 you see a guy's wife it's a wife you

01:59:12.340 deliver to now the husband's working or

01:59:14.520 something she's pregnant or something

01:59:16.920 you're gonna do you're gonna look at

01:59:18.120 her differently your energy is gonna be

01:59:19.340 different when you approach her because

01:59:21.560 you heard about this man that lost his

01:59:23.000 wife you know and that's one thing man

01:59:26.480 that I like you know that's what I like to

01:59:28.440 be able to think about this stuff and

01:59:29.640 I'm glad you made me you know you kind of

01:59:31.060 brought this shit back up and made me

01:59:32.240 think about it you know because I want

01:59:34.260 to be I want to get all there is out of

01:59:38.120 life man as fucking lame as that sounds

01:59:40.760 to say so many people sell this shit

01:59:42.920 they want all this money and people

01:59:44.380 want to you know be juggling diamonds on

01:59:47.280 their dick and doing all of that and

01:59:48.740 feeding fucking diamonds to little you

01:59:51.340 know dolphins that are you know fucking

01:59:53.200 you know handicapped otters and shit

01:59:55.820 like that I want to just feel what it is

01:59:59.000 man I want to hike these Himalayas inside

02:00:00.760 of myself and I don't I want to stay out

02:00:03.420 of my own ego and yeah dude it's amazing

02:00:08.040 man when somebody can care bro when you

02:00:10.000 feel when you feel how much you can care

02:00:12.060 for somebody else that man hit you you

02:00:15.280 know something about his story you know

02:00:18.780 you heard his story you're like man that

02:00:20.460 guy cares about his wife here's what it

02:00:22.880 did for me that guy cares about his wife

02:00:24.480 so much you know that I wish somebody

02:00:27.840 would care about me that way you know

02:00:33.720 and that I wish I would be able to care

02:00:35.040 about I hope that one day I could care

02:00:36.700 about somebody as much you know am I

02:00:38.800 brave enough to care about somebody as

02:00:40.380 much as that man you know as much as it

02:00:43.180 sounds like he cared about his wife you

02:00:47.480 you know or am I just gonna give in to

02:00:53.380 these dark arts all the time and I don't

02:00:56.520 know sometimes I don't know honestly if I

02:00:58.600 really ask myself if I really answer

02:01:01.220 honestly I don't know sometimes you know

02:01:04.420 if I'm strong enough to you know get to

02:01:09.780 the promised land that I know is inside

02:01:11.380 of my heart but I know that I'm gonna

02:01:16.060 try bro I know that I want to thank

02:01:21.160 everybody for calling man you got me

02:01:23.340 leaking out the face man so I email

02:01:25.060 dude I'm Dory you know or whatever the

02:01:29.620 other fucking little fish name is the

02:01:31.200 fucking little handicapped trout on that

02:01:32.920 one you know that fucking you know that

02:01:34.900 you know that fidgety mackerel or

02:01:37.260 something the one that gots the you know

02:01:39.940 on the other one but here we are bro and

02:01:43.220 look dude you know what I'm I got that

02:01:45.460 that that skeet out of my face bruh no

02:01:48.460 nut November dude I'm bringing it out

02:01:51.100 the eyeballs if I got to but I'm

02:01:54.740 grateful man I'm grateful that we are in

02:01:56.600 a place where men and women can

02:01:58.240 communicate here we're out here on the

02:02:00.060 front lines we want our feelings to be

02:02:01.800 alive we want to live life we're trying

02:02:04.920 we're laughing we're not giving up on

02:02:08.080 humanity you know we're trying to be

02:02:11.660 understanding of people no matter who they

02:02:13.520 are what color they are what gender they

02:02:17.100 are you know even though I still look if

02:02:20.980 I'm watching a woman try to park bruh don't

02:02:24.280 even pretend I ain't laughing out of my

02:02:25.980 fucking eyeballs dude don't even pretend

02:02:29.680 it but thank you man thank you everybody

02:02:33.940 that called and uh and we're gonna keep

02:02:36.220 parallel park in this podcast into a

02:02:38.840 comfortable place where we can all be

02:02:40.220 and sometimes the uncomfortable place

02:02:42.540 you know anyway I've been rambling I've

02:02:45.520 taken up enough of your time but I'm

02:02:47.120 grateful to you guys uh and I love you

02:02:49.680 and I'm happy to be here and yeah look we

02:02:51.960 got a lot to be thankful for it's

02:02:53.360 Thanksgiving it's no nut November we get

02:02:56.040 the mission continues we keep moving

02:02:58.380 along dude this is a beautiful time of

02:03:00.420 year this is a beautiful time of year

02:03:03.860 somebody's coming at you harking about

02:03:06.040 business and all that you tell them my

02:03:08.060 god fuck you got a you know two

02:03:13.480 teaspoons of your wife's casserole in

02:03:15.420 your jaw you got your little niece or

02:03:18.160 nephew you know fully clothed on your

02:03:21.420 arm or in your hands you know you're

02:03:23.540 feeling good there's a lot of beauty in

02:03:26.320 the world look at that you guys be good

02:03:29.140 to yourselves man you guys deserve it

02:03:30.900 and I'm gonna try to do the same thing

02:03:32.560 for me this week and we'll meet up here

02:03:34.000 next week I think we're gonna have a

02:03:36.760 Thursday episode this week of a guest

02:03:38.600 but I don't know yet and I'm gonna try

02:03:42.540 to take good care of myself dude I'm

02:03:44.020 gonna go to some meetings and I'm gonna

02:03:45.920 get myself in a place where I just feel

02:03:47.520 better I've just been feeling irrational

02:03:49.760 we all over the place but life's been

02:03:51.300 changing some but I'm grateful and I'm

02:03:53.980 glad you guys are still here have a

02:03:56.180 good day man be good to yourselves

02:03:57.660 somebody told me that he was leaving

02:04:00.880 the comedy show the other night he said

02:04:01.980 hey man be good to yourself you know

02:04:04.240 you probably deserve it we had some

02:04:05.960 brothers that came out father and son

02:04:07.820 a guy a dad brought his son from

02:04:09.340 Rochester he just turned 19 years old

02:04:11.340 you know and uh and it was special man

02:04:17.240 and maybe you know I'm looking at the

02:04:18.240 dad and his son is right there and his

02:04:19.760 son was so excited and I gave his son I

02:04:21.420 think a t-shirt or something you know

02:04:22.860 one of the t-shirts were coming out

02:04:24.340 and yeah and it's like I you know my

02:04:31.100 dad never got to do anything like that

02:04:32.300 for me my dad never even got to see me

02:04:33.620 tell a joke you know and uh but I get to

02:04:37.720 live vicariously through their moment

02:04:39.520 you know through this dad and his son

02:04:43.200 you could tell they're just you know

02:04:44.320 that they care about each other and I

02:04:46.000 get to live like I get my I get one

02:04:48.280 moment with my dad right there through

02:04:51.220 those two guys I get that because he

02:04:54.840 did it you know because the dad said

02:04:57.000 to the or the son said that whatever

02:04:58.260 the dad recognized the son he my son

02:05:00.760 loves this I'm gonna go do this with

02:05:02.100 him then I see it I'm there right I'm

02:05:07.280 fucking there I'm the fucking you know

02:05:08.640 riddle pony I'm the dude schlepping

02:05:10.440 these freaking dirty riddles around and I

02:05:13.860 see it and they're like they're so

02:05:17.140 excited you know he's telling me uh you

02:05:19.420 know I'm his son's favorite comedian

02:05:20.840 or one of he included a couple of other

02:05:23.940 guys who are great so I respect the

02:05:26.040 son's point of view comedically but it

02:05:30.860 just uh but they don't realize what they

02:05:32.460 did for me you know I get one moment of a

02:05:36.060 moment I never had with my dad I get

02:05:37.680 that through them I get to see that I

02:05:41.580 get to see that you know whether my dad

02:05:47.040 did that you know through the heavens

02:05:48.580 inside of me or you know my higher power

02:05:50.700 did that he wants to show me that like

02:05:52.380 hey you know like you know your dad's

02:05:55.280 not alive but you can still feel the same

02:05:58.560 exact feeling you would have with your

02:05:59.900 father my higher power saying I can show

02:06:03.840 you that feeling right here with two other

02:06:06.460 people so it almost has double beauty

02:06:10.580 beauty because now not only do I get to

02:06:14.820 feel it but I get to see somebody else

02:06:21.440 have it you know so I get to like I don't

02:06:29.700 know I can't explain myself fully but

02:06:33.480 that's okay I never have been able to

02:06:40.580 it's good song I'm just sitting on your

02:06:58.460 front porch wondering how could I be so

02:07:01.680 far from my home oh yeah and my mind is

02:07:09.060 somewhere else but when I find it I'll

02:07:12.180 patch up where it's been blown thank you

02:07:16.340 guys so much man I really needed this

02:07:18.820 now I'm just floating on the breeze and I

02:07:22.040 feel I'm falling like these leaves I must

02:07:25.200 be cornerstone oh but when I reach that

02:07:32.020 ground I'll share this peace of mind I

02:07:34.900 found I can feel it in my bones but it's

02:07:40.540 gonna take a little time for me to set

02:07:46.880 that park and break and let myself

02:07:49.980 unwind shine that light on me

02:07:55.100 I'll sit and tell you my stories

02:08:00.760 shine on me and I will find a song I'll

02:08:10.480 sing it just for you

02:08:13.580 I've been moving way too fast let's keep

02:08:21.200 it going huh

02:08:21.760 that's Bishop Gunn I'm telling you right

02:08:27.240 now

02:08:27.580 I just want to I just want to live a

02:08:43.840 life worthwhile don't you feel that

02:08:45.360 sometimes man that's how I feel you know

02:08:50.200 I just want to just give myself the

02:08:58.420 comfort I know I've always really

02:08:59.680 really wanted you know I don't know

02:09:01.080 what that means I don't know why what I'm

02:09:03.360 talking about

02:09:03.980 sing it Travis that's Bishop Gunn ladies and

02:09:28.840 gentlemen it's okay to love them man that

02:09:31.820 man is fucking damn beautiful bro if you

02:09:35.720 look at him from certain angles he look

02:09:36.900 like a woman

02:09:37.380 we got this guys

02:09:47.920 don't be afraid if you feel good don't

02:09:57.200 be afraid to take that fucking feeling

02:09:58.840 into work don't be afraid to take that

02:10:00.960 feeling into your family too many days in

02:10:03.860 this world we feel good and we're afraid

02:10:05.660 to take it out into the world we're

02:10:07.960 ashamed of fucking feeling good man I

02:10:09.900 don't want that I'm not yelling at you

02:10:12.820 I'm yelling at me I'm tired of feeling

02:10:15.580 that way I'm tired of getting all excited

02:10:19.460 in my car when I hear that Bishop Gunn and

02:10:22.160 then I get out and put on this different

02:10:23.600 face for the world let him feel the envy let

02:10:27.920 him get on board why does that man feel

02:10:31.160 good I want to know why you know I want

02:10:35.600 to know why you guys be good to yourselves

02:10:38.460 man you probably deserve it I love you and

02:10:40.220 thank you so much maybe this is the most

02:10:41.940 selfish episode I've ever made but you

02:10:46.420 know sometimes you got to take one for the

02:10:47.560 team dude even if you even if you're the

02:10:50.280 only one that's playing I don't know I

02:10:51.620 just got a lot out of this one thank you

02:10:53.020 so much ladies and gentlemen I'm Jonathan

02:10:55.960 Kite and welcome to Kite Club a podcast

02:10:58.600 where I'll be sharing thoughts on things

02:11:00.380 like current events stand-up stories and

02:11:03.000 seven ways to pleasure your partner the

02:11:05.600 answer may shock you sometimes I'll

02:11:07.800 interview my friends sometimes I won't

02:11:10.100 and as always I'll be joined by the

02:11:12.600 voices in my head you have three new

02:11:15.640 voice messages a lot of people are

02:11:18.140 talking about Kite Club I've been

02:11:20.140 talking about Kite Club for so long

02:11:22.280 longer than anybody else so great

02:11:24.720 hi sweetheart he's a deal anyone who

02:11:28.980 doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy

02:11:31.060 bloody wanker

02:11:32.280 I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me

02:11:44.080 anyway first rule the Kite Club is tell

02:11:46.860 everyone about Kite Club second rule

02:11:48.960 the Kite Club is tell everyone about

02:11:51.700 Kite Club third rule like and subscribe

02:11:54.320 wherever you listen to podcasts or watch

02:11:56.940 us on YouTube yeah and yes don't worry

02:11:59.440 my Brad Pitt impression will get better

02:12:01.500 you

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - November 05, 2018

Nutvember ｜ This Past Weekend #145

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