This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Riff Raff

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00:02:44.640 Tonight, he will be at the Whiskey in West Hollywood, California.

00:02:49.000 And then tomorrow, May 17th, he'll be at the Monarch Theater in Phoenix, Arizona.

00:02:56.100 He has a new single out right now called Dreamland by Dale D'Antoni.

00:03:04.280 He's one of a kind.

00:03:06.480 He's that watermelon water moccasin.

00:03:09.880 And he is the most requested guest that we've had for this past weekend.

00:03:16.460 Ladies and gentlemen, riffraff.

00:03:20.420 Riffraff.

00:03:21.420 Riffraff.

00:03:22.420 Shine that light on me.

00:03:27.840 I'll sit and tell you my stories.

00:03:31.540 Shine that light on me.

00:03:36.540 It's been a long time, man.

00:03:39.680 Got a heavy coat of sports gloves.

00:03:41.480 Oh, dude, you look flossy, bro.

00:03:42.860 You look like a dude that...

00:03:44.240 Just got out of Rambo 7.

00:03:45.740 Oh, man.

00:03:46.820 Okeechobee 1 Kenobi out here, man.

00:03:48.740 You look like a guy...

00:03:49.940 If somebody had a cheat code in Double Dragon, bro.

00:03:53.220 And they got to use an ultimate character, man.

00:03:55.700 The Dale D'Antoni.

00:03:56.560 Amen, dude.

00:03:57.340 I unlocked it.

00:03:58.220 That million dollar mullet, Mr. Riffraff.

00:04:00.940 Jody Highroller here today.

00:04:02.120 Dale D'Antoni.

00:04:02.860 How are you, man?

00:04:03.460 Riff Rambo.

00:04:04.460 Oh, dude.

00:04:05.220 Who you been fighting, man?

00:04:07.320 Fighting life.

00:04:09.000 Putting it in a damn Lamborghini leg lock.

00:04:11.320 The dark arts, baby.

00:04:12.980 Dark arts after dark.

00:04:14.680 Dude, so I got turned on you from Simon Rex, man.

00:04:17.540 He's such a nice guy.

00:04:19.380 That's what you say?

00:04:20.320 Yeah.

00:04:20.700 Okay.

00:04:21.100 You don't know him.

00:04:23.640 No, I want the other side of the coin, man.

00:04:24.640 Oh, you want the dark side of the dirt.

00:04:27.040 I want the dark side of the dirt.

00:04:27.540 You want that dark dirt.

00:04:28.680 I want that dirty soil, brother, to lose you.

00:04:30.320 Well, when I first moved to L.A., before I moved, he was like, yeah, you should move

00:04:35.360 out.

00:04:35.680 You should move out of here.

00:04:36.400 You should move out of here.

00:04:37.120 Yeah.

00:04:37.740 I'm hyped up.

00:04:38.880 I'm like Hollywood life.

00:04:40.440 Getting ready.

00:04:41.500 You know what I mean?

00:04:42.280 You see the glitz and the glamour.

00:04:44.260 Putting on lotion.

00:04:46.440 Tanning lotion that makes you dark while you sleep.

00:04:49.140 Oh, yeah.

00:04:49.500 Get barricades your pores with, you see the butterscotch babes.

00:04:54.180 You think, you're thinking the Hollywood, you're thinking the stars are all aligned.

00:04:58.260 Oh, you got tits in your brain.

00:04:59.640 So I go, so he was all cool at first.

00:05:02.480 Once I finally went out there to live, he's like, yeah, you sure you could stay with me?

00:05:07.040 I'm like, okay, well, I mean, sure.

00:05:08.560 Well, I can find a place and everything.

00:05:10.980 You sure I'll hang out there?

00:05:12.120 You know what I mean?

00:05:12.480 So I'm like, okay, cool.

00:05:14.040 So I'm thinking like, you know.

00:05:15.260 You get there.

00:05:15.780 You had luggage with you or what?

00:05:17.080 I didn't even ask him how many rooms he had.

00:05:19.160 He had about seven or eight rooms because he stayed up in the hills.

00:05:21.760 I don't think he stayed anymore.

00:05:23.080 I've never been there, but I heard he was up there.

00:05:25.320 Yeah, he had a house up there in the hills.

00:05:27.400 And I think like a few houses down was Cindy Crawford as a house.

00:05:31.900 Ooh.

00:05:32.600 All right.

00:05:33.120 So I'm at his house.

00:05:34.760 I'd jerk off on the street if Cindy Crawford lived by me, you know.

00:05:37.680 Yeah.

00:05:38.480 So he has me moving.

00:05:41.020 I'm thinking I'm going to stay on the couch or one of his rooms or something.

00:05:43.660 He had downstairs, it was like a three-story house.

00:05:47.240 So you go downstairs.

00:05:48.420 Wow.

00:05:49.020 And then down there's a wine cellar.

00:05:51.580 And he's like, yeah, you can have this room.

00:05:52.920 But I'm seeing these racks on the wall.

00:05:54.000 I'm like, this isn't a room.

00:05:56.380 Yeah, this is for grapes.

00:05:57.360 Yeah, this is for sun-dried grapes.

00:05:59.460 This is for aged prunes.

00:06:02.120 Yeah.

00:06:02.740 So I go in there, and I have a room.

00:06:05.300 And I'm thinking he didn't let me.

00:06:07.160 He would throw parties.

00:06:08.460 Wouldn't let me come upstairs because there was a door in the lock.

00:06:10.600 He had the party.

00:06:11.720 I'm seeing the people come in.

00:06:12.840 Damn.

00:06:13.300 You had to stay down there.

00:06:14.320 You had to stay down there.

00:06:15.160 I'm like, damn.

00:06:16.180 Damn, you're like in Notre Dame, like that guy that rings the bell.

00:06:19.660 I didn't know I'd be answering the door, and that's about it.

00:06:21.860 Yeah.

00:06:22.640 I thought I was going to get to party with the Hollywood stars.

00:06:25.140 Damn.

00:06:25.720 And so who came through there?

00:06:26.700 All types of people, huh?

00:06:28.000 Not Bill Cosby.

00:06:29.280 Burt Reynolds.

00:06:29.940 Burt Reynolds, wow.

00:06:30.900 Yeah, yeah.

00:06:31.580 Kevin Costner I'd seen in and out.

00:06:34.900 He knew everybody.

00:06:36.140 Yeah.

00:06:36.920 Jim Tomei.

00:06:38.000 Damn.

00:06:38.520 You know Jim Tomei?

00:06:40.420 Chipper Jones stopped by a couple times.

00:06:42.580 Jesus.

00:06:43.420 Yeah.

00:06:44.280 And who else even?

00:06:45.060 I heard that they had Daffy Duck pass through.

00:06:47.060 No, no more Garcia Parra.

00:06:49.220 Damn.

00:06:49.940 He ghosted me a couple times on the handshake on the way out.

00:06:52.940 Uh-uh.

00:06:53.740 Yeah.

00:06:54.220 Wow.

00:06:54.480 So I was trying to catch girls coming out.

00:06:56.560 I tried to talk to them.

00:06:58.360 Popping out from behind the shrubs.

00:06:59.520 Yeah, but he didn't have any lights down there for me on purpose, so I couldn't talk to nobody.

00:07:03.880 So I don't want to hear.

00:07:05.860 I don't want to hear.

00:07:07.020 I didn't know him then.

00:07:08.020 Yeah.

00:07:08.460 And I had to pay $2,700 a month.

00:07:11.100 Oh, dang.

00:07:11.900 Dang, bro.

00:07:12.300 I stayed there by two weeks.

00:07:13.560 I kept my deposit.

00:07:14.700 I cleaned the place and everything.

00:07:16.100 Damn.

00:07:16.900 Yeah, so.

00:07:17.620 So that's the other side of Simon Rex.

00:07:18.840 That's the dirty side of dirt.

00:07:20.800 That's the dirty side of dirt.

00:07:21.360 That's the dark side of dirt.

00:07:23.200 The dark side.

00:07:24.700 Dude, we both grew up in a different time, I feel like.

00:07:27.540 Oh, yeah.

00:07:28.600 The real time.

00:07:29.520 The 80s, man.

00:07:30.160 The actual fun.

00:07:31.560 The 80s.

00:07:32.140 The 80s.

00:07:32.500 What do you love about it?

00:07:33.500 What's something that you miss about it?

00:07:35.520 I think people, they saw more clearly.

00:07:39.960 Yeah.

00:07:40.680 You know what I mean?

00:07:41.380 I'm sweating like a damn gazoon tight.

00:07:43.460 Oh, yeah.

00:07:44.260 On the sports gloss.

00:07:45.500 Oh, I'm sweating like a fucking sneeze stuck in a thick bitch.

00:07:48.520 You feel me?

00:07:49.020 I'm fucking.

00:07:50.220 Yeah.

00:07:51.140 Yeah.

00:07:51.560 I'm creating havoc, man.

00:07:52.900 I'm fucking dripping.

00:07:53.780 Yeah, we're dripping.

00:07:55.000 Dude, I'm dripping like a fucking, like an Icelandic stripper, bro, in a fucking sunstorm,

00:07:59.800 dog.

00:08:00.020 I'm fucking leaking over here.

00:08:02.440 We should tell people we were playing sports.

00:08:04.160 That's why.

00:08:04.480 Yeah, okay.

00:08:04.680 So, first of all, the reason we're damn sweating is because we're outside talking about building

00:08:09.920 a five-acre football field, sports compound, get away from the world.

00:08:15.180 I think back in the 80s, you couldn't direct message Elvis Presley.

00:08:20.720 You couldn't hit up Roseanne Barr.

00:08:24.800 Yeah.

00:08:24.860 You couldn't comment under Rod Stewart and say, hey, I don't want to live forever young.

00:08:32.580 Yeah.

00:08:33.800 You're too old to be thinking about being young.

00:08:36.540 Yeah, yeah.

00:08:37.100 You couldn't talk to people.

00:08:38.380 I think, and now with the, like, media and all the-

00:08:43.060 Online social media.

00:08:44.460 Oh, it's shameless.

00:08:45.880 Now, the online has turned into a national inquiry.

00:08:48.740 It is.

00:08:48.900 Remember, I'll be in line, my mom would be grocery shopping, and I'd look over at Ronald

00:08:54.520 Reagan pregnant with triplet aliens.

00:08:57.220 Yeah.

00:08:57.720 Ronald Reagan got a slave, and you're like, what the fuck?

00:09:00.140 Yeah, I was like, I was back in there, and we were at a place called Gerland's.

00:09:04.380 Yeah.

00:09:05.060 There was a store, and I'd be in line, and there would be a black and white newspaper

00:09:08.060 at the National Inquirer, and it would say, it would say, like, Abraham Lincoln found

00:09:12.160 50 gold coins under, you know what I mean?

00:09:15.240 Abraham Lincoln found a cave dwelling.

00:09:18.080 Yeah.

00:09:18.360 Abraham Lincoln found out how to cook canned fish.

00:09:21.860 Yeah.

00:09:22.140 Like, yeah, that's not real.

00:09:23.500 He doesn't know how to cook.

00:09:24.140 You're like, damn.

00:09:25.280 Yeah, aliens, they would have a rumor, like, aliens at the, they would have aliens at the

00:09:31.680 fucking Lakeland Mall.

00:09:33.860 You know what I'm saying?

00:09:34.800 Yeah.

00:09:35.020 Two aliens found at Lakeland Mall.

00:09:36.720 So, nowadays, anybody, you could say anything, and if it's juicy enough, then people, you

00:09:42.860 could do it with you.

00:09:43.700 Right.

00:09:44.040 And then, also, I get, do you ever get direct messages, crazy direct messages from people?

00:09:47.620 Oh, man.

00:09:47.960 You know, because they got direct messages, then they have requests.

00:09:52.260 So, every now and then, I dabble in there, and look, people say, can you post my Kickstarter?

00:09:57.600 Yeah.

00:09:58.020 I'm trying to be a rapper.

00:09:58.980 Hey, you inspired me to be a rapper.

00:10:00.420 Back in the day, it was, oh, you inspired me to get up in the morning, and da, da, da.

00:10:04.500 You know what I mean?

00:10:05.020 So, but now, it's, everything.

00:10:07.720 You inspired me to eat cereal today.

00:10:09.460 Yeah, everybody, and everybody is, you inspired me to be just like you.

00:10:14.020 Yeah.

00:10:14.200 People think that it's like, well, I'll take a picture with you, then I'll get some of

00:10:18.980 your magical powers.

00:10:20.680 I'm like, it's not magical powers.

00:10:22.300 It's just, I'm like, you know what I'm saying?

00:10:23.860 But it's too accessible, you think?

00:10:25.340 It's too accessible to reach somebody that, I think, I think with Instagram, just like,

00:10:30.400 you know, you had a verified account, right?

00:10:31.800 Yeah.

00:10:31.980 I think every single human being who's on Instagram, just like how you got to be verified

00:10:36.100 to make sure that you, everybody should be verified.

00:10:38.520 Verified to make sure it's them.

00:10:39.200 You should send in your, you should, first of all, to be able to direct message somebody,

00:10:42.400 you should have to be 18 and up.

00:10:43.620 Yeah.

00:10:43.980 And if you are, then your parents should have their credit card online.

00:10:47.100 And if you put up and leave a comment that's vulgar, then Instagram should shut your account

00:10:51.540 out until they, the customer service can FaceTime you and talk to you and your parents

00:10:54.920 and be like, if you leave another comment, first of all, you're fined 50 bucks.

00:10:57.760 Yeah.

00:10:57.840 If they find your parents too.

00:10:58.880 They're fining that credit card.

00:11:00.780 Your mother knows immediately.

00:11:02.300 And they're fining you 50, 50 bucks.

00:11:04.160 You've been saying pussy over there on the fucking, at Chase ATM account.

00:11:07.200 If you're in school and you say some shit and you get in trouble, then you should get

00:11:10.220 in trouble for that.

00:11:10.800 You can say, oh, I don't like this song, but then, you know what I'm saying?

00:11:14.000 If you say Miss Connaughton is fat, then you getting in trouble.

00:11:17.360 That's $30.

00:11:17.980 Do you know what I'm saying?

00:11:18.620 Yeah.

00:11:19.560 Exactly.

00:11:20.260 If you should be, people should be able to have to watch, people should have to watch what

00:11:24.340 they say.

00:11:25.000 Why is that?

00:11:25.600 Okay, so if the people, if Instagram is such a big thing, it's big because of what?

00:11:29.600 People want to see the inside scoop live of celebrities live or whoever, right?

00:11:34.180 Yeah.

00:11:34.320 So every single celebrity, every single verified account would be like, you know what?

00:11:38.000 I'm going to boycott Instagram.

00:11:39.220 I'm going to get out of there.

00:11:40.100 Right.

00:11:40.200 Then it's just all these regular people, not even regular people, but you know, people

00:11:43.660 who aren't-

00:11:44.240 Unverified accounts.

00:11:45.500 Unverified accounts would just go on at each other.

00:11:47.400 That wouldn't exist.

00:11:48.440 Right.

00:11:49.260 You know what I'm saying?

00:11:49.420 But do you think, I mean, I know-

00:11:50.660 It's not going to be me saying.

00:11:51.500 It's going to have to be somebody big-

00:11:52.980 Steven Tyler.

00:11:53.580 It's going to have to be-

00:11:55.100 Exactly.

00:11:55.480 Neil Armstrong.

00:11:57.340 Yeah.

00:11:57.760 David Duchovny would have to say some shit to what I'm saying right now for it to matter.

00:12:02.080 But yeah, you'd have to get somebody-

00:12:03.420 You should have to be-

00:12:04.320 A black guy, too.

00:12:04.980 You should have-

00:12:05.900 Bill Cartwright.

00:12:07.520 Or, I'm trying to think of something else.

00:12:10.040 John Sally would have to-

00:12:10.920 John Sally.

00:12:11.580 Bill Cartwright.

00:12:12.140 John Sally.

00:12:13.200 John Sally, boy.

00:12:14.160 Why does everybody love John Sally, man?

00:12:16.340 He just, I think people think he's Arsino Hall's older brother.

00:12:19.400 Yeah.

00:12:19.640 So, it's like, okay, he's the, you know.

00:12:22.520 Yeah, he's Arsino Tall, bro.

00:12:24.240 He's like the fucking long Arsino Hall.

00:12:25.500 John Sally.

00:12:27.580 Shaq would have to say something.

00:12:29.380 Dude, I saw Shaq, man.

00:12:30.600 He's everywhere.

00:12:31.240 I saw him two weeks ago at a UFC fight.

00:12:32.920 Okay.

00:12:33.140 And it blew my mind.

00:12:34.840 You ever been to UFC fights?

00:12:36.420 I don't think I've been to a live one.

00:12:38.380 Have you ever been approached about being a wrestler?

00:12:41.060 Yeah, actually, no bullshit.

00:12:43.780 Hulk Hogan.

00:12:45.380 When I started, when I put, because like for a time, I was like trying to just put on as

00:12:49.100 much weight as possible.

00:12:50.040 Yeah.

00:12:50.820 Because you definitely, you look thick, man.

00:12:52.420 You look like Lyle Alzado before the disease.

00:12:54.220 I'm trying to say, since I've been in Florida, I've lost like almost 30 pounds.

00:12:59.100 I was like 250, but I was just trying to bulk up, right?

00:13:02.340 But now in this, I'm sweating right now.

00:13:04.760 Like, it's muggy like in Houston.

00:13:06.620 But you just naturally, if you're outside, you're going to just naturally just not want

00:13:11.740 to, because it's so hot out, you're not going to want to eat hamburgers and french fries

00:13:15.100 outside.

00:13:16.180 You know what I mean?

00:13:16.980 I just, my appetite slowed down and my hunger for working out increased.

00:13:23.460 Really?

00:13:23.920 Since you've been here?

00:13:25.340 Been out here like six months building this studio.

00:13:28.260 Yeah, man.

00:13:28.900 This is a mega multimedia complex.

00:13:30.180 You're the first, you know.

00:13:32.060 Am I the first person to be here?

00:13:33.360 Yeah, you're the first human to be in this facility.

00:13:35.980 It's not your honor.

00:13:36.820 No joke.

00:13:37.220 Yeah, I really do, man.

00:13:38.360 Yeah.

00:13:38.480 I'm such a big fan.

00:13:39.120 You're the most requested person ever of any, dude, of anybody, live or dead, bruh.

00:13:44.960 Live or dead.

00:13:45.560 Nobody.

00:13:45.860 Tom Jefferson, not that many hits, bruh.

00:13:48.300 Yeah.

00:13:48.860 Anybody, dude.

00:13:50.740 Everybody talks about the mullet.

00:13:52.040 I think we're the only mullet bearing municipals.

00:13:56.400 Yeah.

00:13:57.160 Marsupials.

00:13:57.700 Yeah, bruh.

00:13:58.400 I mean, we definitely those fucking hair bears, you know, we're up there.

00:14:01.060 Yeah.

00:14:01.920 The hair bears.

00:14:03.060 We're fucking Afghanistan's, bruh.

00:14:05.000 We got that fucking.

00:14:05.900 I got the damn Florida follicle fountain back.

00:14:09.020 Yeah, you do, man.

00:14:10.280 See, you know what I mean?

00:14:11.020 And we're here in riffraff Afghanistan, bruh.

00:14:13.300 This is your fucking, this is it.

00:14:14.900 Yeah, we're in the Neon Nightmare Sports Studio.

00:14:16.680 Oh, it's crazy.

00:14:17.380 We're showcasing sports.

00:14:18.680 Dude, you got the ghost of Tony Gwynn outside.

00:14:22.980 Yeah.

00:14:23.740 I got Kirby Puckett.

00:14:25.720 Oh, you got Cecil Fielding out here, bruh.

00:14:27.620 Yeah, I got the big field.

00:14:27.920 You got Cecil Fielder still working, the big one.

00:14:29.740 Oh, yeah.

00:14:30.900 You got the big unit.

00:14:31.920 I got Randy Johnson out back, yard mulch.

00:14:35.500 Oh, yeah, bruh.

00:14:36.340 You got that fucking.

00:14:37.300 Mulching mullets.

00:14:38.260 You got him out there fucking.

00:14:39.840 He's doing yard mullets.

00:14:40.480 Killing pigeons, bruh.

00:14:41.600 He's putting, he's putting in, he's investing in some type of plenary.

00:14:45.720 Now, he had good hair.

00:14:47.020 He had a nice set backstage.

00:14:49.460 How do you feel differently now that you had the million dollar mullet?

00:14:51.960 Because Dale D'Antoni is the only one.

00:14:53.180 It's more comfortable.

00:14:53.540 Because I'd had like a full head of just hair for like, I'd had braids for almost like

00:14:58.660 10 years.

00:14:59.400 Wow.

00:14:59.780 I just, you know what I mean?

00:15:00.840 Oh, yeah, man.

00:15:01.700 You used to have that.

00:15:02.500 And I can still grow it out if I want to, but I keep, it's just like when it's, when it's

00:15:06.560 not hitting your ears and, you know what I mean?

00:15:09.100 Like the hair getting in your mouth and stuff like, having this front trimmed up and then

00:15:15.060 the back, you know what I mean?

00:15:16.100 It's just a lot easier to wash.

00:15:17.280 It's easier to dry.

00:15:18.440 It looks better.

00:15:19.660 People see it.

00:15:20.480 They know you mean something.

00:15:21.500 It sounds better when it's in the wind.

00:15:24.020 It has a certain sound to it.

00:15:25.520 It's whispering around.

00:15:26.260 It has a snap tap.

00:15:27.500 Yeah.

00:15:28.540 Who's that?

00:15:30.000 You know what I mean?

00:15:30.540 I think that's where the Rice Krispie, those Rice Krispie Treat, those three, I think they

00:15:33.980 had mullets.

00:15:34.660 They made them cut them when they were getting a photo shoot, but that's how they got that

00:15:37.380 snap, crackle, pop.

00:15:38.660 Oh, dude.

00:15:39.440 Look, man, if you look at old pictures of them boys, all three of them, you know, and one

00:15:43.900 of them had a, was a celiac, had celiac disease.

00:15:47.480 Was it the redheaded boy?

00:15:48.660 I think it was because one of them couldn't even eat the treats they made.

00:15:51.100 Oh, wow.

00:15:52.620 And that really, I know that hurt a lot of, it didn't hurt people's feelings, but, you

00:15:56.660 know, anyway, it was, so him even being able to be a part of it was really a miracle.

00:16:00.500 Yeah.

00:16:00.820 But yeah, they, they all had mullets when they were younger.

00:16:04.700 That's funny you knew that.

00:16:05.960 Yeah.

00:16:06.400 I've had a feeling.

00:16:07.660 Who would be the top ten, let's do the top five people that should have mullets because

00:16:12.060 it would change how they fucking operate.

00:16:13.260 Right now?

00:16:13.900 Yeah.

00:16:14.740 Okay.

00:16:15.600 Go ahead.

00:16:15.880 You go first.

00:16:16.360 Okay.

00:16:17.620 First up, if I had to think of a good person that could get a mullet, because it would

00:16:22.820 help him, I think, operate a little bit better and really show who he is.

00:16:27.240 I go with Bill Trill Clinton.

00:16:30.740 Damn.

00:16:31.480 You think he'd go back running for Prez?

00:16:33.320 Oh, dude, I think he'd fucking run through a couple more legs of puss if he fucking threw

00:16:37.160 one on, to be honest with you, dude.

00:16:39.420 Because Bill, man, I've been through Arkansas and he, they said, you know, a lot of ladies

00:16:43.040 still know him and remember him fondly.

00:16:45.620 And I think if he had a mullet, it would really take it to the next level.

00:16:49.200 You think he'd go all white or diet?

00:16:53.420 I don't know.

00:16:54.680 I don't know if Hillary would let him diet.

00:16:56.180 I think he would have to go.

00:16:56.900 Yeah.

00:16:57.260 She'd probably kick him out.

00:16:58.420 Get back on your old shit again, ain't you?

00:17:00.380 Get out of whole Arkansas, you're going to make me look bad in front of my peers.

00:17:04.580 He's like, you don't have any peers, it's my state.

00:17:07.320 Then they get into it because he got that fire back in him.

00:17:09.460 He's like, damn, I remembered, yeah.

00:17:11.680 Matter of fact, if I recall correctly, you didn't even pick me.

00:17:16.400 Yeah, yeah.

00:17:17.420 I picked you.

00:17:18.240 Yeah, you picked another man.

00:17:19.120 You picked that guy who did the Herman Cain.

00:17:22.580 You was fucking jocking Herman Cain back in the day.

00:17:24.820 Pizza, pizza, pizza.

00:17:26.320 You really wanted Billy Mays.

00:17:28.660 Yeah, yeah.

00:17:29.240 You would pick him for four square balls.

00:17:31.100 Yeah.

00:17:32.140 Yeah, you wanted Billy Ray Cyrus.

00:17:36.800 I saw you looking at his fucking overall stripes.

00:17:39.540 I saw you over there looking at his Instagram stories.

00:17:42.320 Yeah.

00:17:42.740 I was over your shoulder.

00:17:43.880 Yeah, I saw you reading fucking cornbread recipes that his mother had written.

00:17:47.480 Yeah, yeah.

00:17:48.700 Yeah, you cared more about him.

00:17:51.000 You don't even fucking care about me, Hillary.

00:17:53.880 When you were a baby, you had Teddy Ruxpin, you put a tape in the back and it was just his voice.

00:17:58.960 Just cradling you to sleep.

00:18:00.840 Damn, yeah.

00:18:01.260 Audio cradles.

00:18:02.440 Yeah, you got audio cradles from Billy Mays back there.

00:18:05.600 Yeah.

00:18:05.840 You had a Teddy Ruxpin trying to sell you a fucking OxyClean.

00:18:08.420 Yeah.

00:18:09.360 No wonder you can't get any rest at night.

00:18:11.220 You know who I think should film more movies?

00:18:16.420 Who?

00:18:16.680 I think Adam Sandler should grow a mullet and really just get ripped and just showcase and shoot Happy Gilmore 2.

00:18:24.000 Yeah.

00:18:25.060 I can see that, boy.

00:18:26.700 How happy is it?

00:18:27.740 I wonder what it would be called.

00:18:31.580 Happier Now.

00:18:32.560 Yeah.

00:18:34.140 Happier Than Ever.

00:18:35.180 Happier Now.

00:18:35.880 And I would like to even see him be in a wheelchair and jacked as fuck, man.

00:18:39.600 Because here's the thing I noticed.

00:18:40.960 I got a couple buddies that was, one guy got hit by lightning or fell into a hole or something.

00:18:45.340 And another guy, his legs never, he never had any good legs from the beginning, right?

00:18:50.200 And so he's all jacked.

00:18:51.400 When you just focus on the upper body.

00:18:53.540 Mm-hmm.

00:18:55.520 It's like on family guy.

00:18:56.860 It's tight.

00:18:57.580 Lights out, bro.

00:18:58.360 This dude is so fucking jacked, man.

00:19:00.660 It's a different level, you know?

00:19:02.880 But I could see that Adam Sandler, if he had a nice mullet, what kind of good movies would he make?

00:19:06.720 Different ones.

00:19:07.660 He should retake over Rambo.

00:19:10.460 Because I know they're shooting a Rambo, but what if they switched up and went like Rambo 8 and it was two Rambos.

00:19:15.800 It was me and Adam Sands.

00:19:17.700 Yeah.

00:19:19.260 I could see that.

00:19:20.620 Horatio Sands.

00:19:21.720 Or Horatio Sandler.

00:19:24.280 Norm Macdonald should grow a mullet and just get ripped.

00:19:27.000 Oh, yeah.

00:19:27.580 And he's like, yeah, I'm a mullet.

00:19:30.180 And he does a Colonel Sanders movie, but it's a documentary, but it's all way off.

00:19:33.400 And Colonel Sanders is his twin brother.

00:19:36.460 Yeah, and him and Colonel Sanders fight.

00:19:38.140 And then he beats Colonel Sanders and opens up a place called Norm Macdonald's.

00:19:41.680 And it's a fucking place where you go with two Cs on there.

00:19:44.460 So they take over McDonald's.

00:19:45.940 Yeah, so no trademark infringement issues.

00:19:47.600 And you go in there, you think you're going to get something needed.

00:19:49.820 It's Norm Macdonald in there with a fucking, just with a hatchet or just fucking you up.

00:19:54.280 Man.

00:19:56.060 Cranking cords.

00:19:56.840 Dude, how much?

00:19:58.540 I can't believe nobody's funding this shit we got.

00:20:02.320 Adam Sandler could do it.

00:20:03.840 You know, I can't believe we can't anybody to fund these ideas.

00:20:06.620 All right, so you got it.

00:20:07.260 We got Bill Clinton.

00:20:09.520 We got Adam Sandler.

00:20:11.440 But, dude, I heard they're making Tranbo.

00:20:13.760 It's like a transgender.

00:20:19.960 Bowflex?

00:20:20.820 Oh, for real?

00:20:21.440 Yeah, yeah, I tried Bowflex.

00:20:22.780 That makes you, a Bowflex that makes your dick wet.

00:20:26.220 Bowflex sent me a free Bowflex.

00:20:28.640 Are you serious?

00:20:29.160 It's in the backyard.

00:20:30.040 Oh, wow.

00:20:30.660 I'm serious.

00:20:31.580 I thought, you know, a friend of mine, his sister hooked up with Tony Little from Tony

00:20:37.640 Little Gazelle Freestyler.

00:20:40.060 From the commercials?

00:20:41.300 Yep.

00:20:42.360 Who's sister?

00:20:43.320 Long time ago.

00:20:44.340 My friend Darren.

00:20:45.520 You don't know him.

00:20:46.760 He used to live by me when I was younger.

00:20:51.020 Dude, you know, I got a blowjob from Jared from Subway's sister a long time ago in a French

00:20:56.920 quarter.

00:20:58.040 Damn.

00:20:58.400 Damn.

00:21:02.220 Okay, so we got Bill Clinton, Adam Sandler.

00:21:04.400 I think, I think it's somebody good.

00:21:08.020 I think Rikki Lake should come back with her own show and she's just, she's mulled it out

00:21:13.780 and she's like, listen, I'm going to tell y'all what's cool, what's not cool.

00:21:17.720 Y'all are just, y'all ain't it.

00:21:19.620 Yeah.

00:21:20.220 This is what's, this is what's going on.

00:21:22.560 Yeah.

00:21:22.800 This is cool.

00:21:23.360 And she just does a whole show on, this is cool, this ain't.

00:21:26.520 This ain't.

00:21:26.900 And she just airs everybody out.

00:21:28.740 Puts it all out.

00:21:29.560 She's like, listen.

00:21:30.540 Because she's mixed, first of all, so she can talk about anybody.

00:21:32.720 She can talk shit about everybody.

00:21:33.740 And then she got, yeah, and then she have the side slashes too.

00:21:37.140 She does?

00:21:37.760 She should.

00:21:38.720 That Thickey Lake, they used to call her, because she got thick for a while.

00:21:41.700 And she just, she's just in there with a mullet and she's just sitting there and she's

00:21:46.220 dancing and everything, but not regular, like Ellen dances, like just grooving and it's

00:21:50.860 easy going.

00:21:51.440 No, she's, she's out there getting it.

00:21:53.860 And she's telling everybody, nah, this is, this is where it's at.

00:21:57.260 Yeah.

00:21:57.840 Yeah.

00:21:58.160 Y'all need to quit fucking driving this, this Toyota Camry ain't it.

00:22:02.060 Listen, these Subaru hatchbacks.

00:22:03.740 Fucking hatch whack, bruh.

00:22:06.740 What you need is to get that Ford Festive and put some fucking 38s on it.

00:22:11.240 Damn, uh, uh, uh, what the hell were them things called?

00:22:15.740 Suzuki, uh, Suzuki Troopers.

00:22:17.800 Yeah.

00:22:18.640 Them little Jeeps.

00:22:19.420 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:22:20.040 Yeah, that's a Suzuki Trooper, dude.

00:22:23.080 Little fucking, and you got to get a real Asian to drive it.

00:22:25.140 With the laminated snap things on it.

00:22:26.540 Click, click, click.

00:22:27.080 Yeah.

00:22:27.800 That was like the, the windbreaker of cars.

00:22:30.720 Like, you're like, whoa, that's a little Suzuki Trooper.

00:22:33.060 Damn, yeah.

00:22:33.800 You're like, damn, this thing doubles as a fucking light coat.

00:22:36.500 Yeah, you wear that damn, that click, click, let them, one of them snaps flow.

00:22:40.380 Click, click, click, click.

00:22:42.000 Yeah, dude.

00:22:42.820 Oh, if it got cold out, man.

00:22:44.940 You got to zip it up, turn the heat on, leave it, leave the car running about 30 minutes,

00:22:49.540 let it heat up.

00:22:51.500 Hey, take the keys, go ride around the block a couple times, leave the heat cranking.

00:22:56.260 Dude, it was, it was like a windbreaker.

00:22:58.080 Sometimes you find something in the pockets of the doors, it was like a pocket.

00:23:00.880 It was like a stretching.

00:23:02.320 Yeah, you find your old credit card in there, or a stick of gum, and it was just.

00:23:05.860 A silly straw.

00:23:06.980 Yeah.

00:23:07.280 A twisty one.

00:23:08.180 That somebody been chewing on.

00:23:09.200 With a, with a, a little Kermit the Frog on the top.

00:23:11.900 Yo, I got the, I got the green one.

00:23:14.780 Man, yeah, Ricky Lake would be really good if she grew her hair out.

00:23:17.820 She needs to do that.

00:23:18.620 Because more people would respect her, too, I think.

00:23:20.360 She needs to make a comeback, but she's one of the time.

00:23:21.880 Mullets are coming back.

00:23:22.600 Oh, dude.

00:23:23.460 Mullets are coming back.

00:23:24.060 I see on you, like Barstool Sports, they, anytime somebody gets a mullet, they post it.

00:23:28.780 Mm-hmm.

00:23:29.440 Anytime.

00:23:30.120 And do you feel like people, I notice a lot of people come to me with it, but in, you

00:23:34.540 know, in other countries, and I know you know, in other countries, this is just a hockey

00:23:38.900 haircut, or it's a, in some countries, in Amsterdam, this is a woman's haircut.

00:23:43.220 This is predominantly a young woman, and a lot of times, if it's a young white girl that

00:23:47.580 dates a lot of brothers, they'll have this haircut.

00:23:49.140 You know, jewelry is jewelry, but diamonds are diamonds.

00:23:52.140 You know what I mean?

00:23:52.480 I mean, a lot of people can mistake something for one thing, just because, oh, cars are

00:23:55.400 cars, but Lamborghini's a Lamborghini.

00:23:57.160 Yeah.

00:23:57.340 And I've talked about that before, it's like, when you have the mullet, and you're doing

00:24:02.300 it, the million-dollar mullet, that's a whole other, you know.

00:24:06.820 That's a whole other station for that head nation.

00:24:09.580 God, dude.

00:24:10.020 That's a whole other station verification.

00:24:12.260 And it looks strong.

00:24:13.740 It looks like the back is on creatine, baby.

00:24:15.400 Yeah, I mean, I hate to, I mean, I'll take this out and I'll throw it back on my damn.

00:24:19.260 Yeah, I'd love to see a little more.

00:24:20.360 It's, you know, this isn't, this isn't no, people ask if I have a zipper on it.

00:24:25.740 Yeah.

00:24:26.000 Let's do it.

00:24:26.320 Let's do it.

00:24:27.480 That ain't no sipping tea, huh?

00:24:28.900 It's the real deal Steve McNeil.

00:24:30.260 God, bruh.

00:24:34.540 Dude, that's like that fucking Jim McMahon, huh?

00:24:37.320 Remember him?

00:24:38.280 Who was the guy that played?

00:24:39.540 Brian Bosworth.

00:24:40.400 Brian Bosworth, man.

00:24:42.420 You know.

00:24:43.340 Yeah.

00:24:43.980 The Xavier McDaniels.

00:24:45.260 With the back pan handle.

00:24:48.200 Yeah, man.

00:24:49.660 That's that, yeah, that's that really, that's that fucking, that's that Rapunzel, man.

00:24:55.560 Damn, I soaked this sweatband up.

00:24:57.200 That's that Bruponzel.

00:24:59.560 The color's bleeding through without so much sports gloss.

00:25:02.520 Look at that.

00:25:02.820 We're outside playing sports.

00:25:03.980 That's America.

00:25:05.060 We should tell them about the, those five acres.

00:25:08.700 Dude, I want to talk about your dog.

00:25:09.880 Look, man, you have, I know you have a lot of beautiful animals here.

00:25:12.740 And honestly, I was scared of the animals because I seen them on the internet a long time ago.

00:25:16.180 I saw, I said, man, this man have a lot of animals.

00:25:18.780 Because I grew up in like a stray animal area.

00:25:20.680 Oh, okay.

00:25:21.080 Remember back in the 80s?

00:25:22.280 Remember stray animals?

00:25:23.360 Yeah, they were out there.

00:25:25.340 They're just out there.

00:25:25.880 Remember that?

00:25:26.340 You go outside, they got two animals out there, bro.

00:25:28.080 Just walking around.

00:25:29.180 Yeah, they got a hawk and a fucking.

00:25:30.740 And there was one that would linger around the neighborhood and everybody just left them there.

00:25:34.160 Yeah, dog, yeah.

00:25:34.920 Nobody called, nothing.

00:25:35.840 There was nobody to call.

00:25:36.940 Yeah, there was nobody to call, man.

00:25:37.580 No animal control.

00:25:39.420 By the time you get to your, you got a house phone, no area code.

00:25:42.000 Yeah, you get in.

00:25:43.040 You cut, like, wait, who I call?

00:25:44.300 I can't call 911.

00:25:45.380 By the time you got back inside, you've forgotten.

00:25:47.040 You're getting a bomb stick out of the freezer.

00:25:49.680 Oh, yeah.

00:25:50.120 He's gone.

00:25:50.760 You fucking lapsed out on a bomb pod, bro, in a couple episodes of fucking Cosby or Family Matters.

00:25:56.340 Bobby's World.

00:25:57.140 Oh, dude, Different World.

00:25:58.300 Remember Different World?

00:25:59.920 Growing Pains.

00:26:00.400 Black people started going to college.

00:26:01.820 Growing Pains?

00:26:02.740 Yeah.

00:26:03.340 Oh.

00:26:04.480 Dude, I wanted that gotta be my daddy.

00:26:05.840 I wanted a boner.

00:26:06.780 Oh.

00:26:07.060 You can't name anybody a boner on TV no more?

00:26:09.540 That's a, uh-uh.

00:26:10.380 Not anymore, man.

00:26:11.260 Remember those days?

00:26:13.200 If you wanted to know what was going on, you could watch the news, but you didn't have

00:26:18.620 to, and it was on for one hour.

00:26:19.900 Yeah.

00:26:20.200 Now, it's, everything is news.

00:26:22.540 People will watch TV because they had a show they wanted to watch.

00:26:25.380 Oh, 7 o'clock, I'm watching Cops.

00:26:27.520 8 o'clock, I'm watching Current Affairs.

00:26:30.340 Yes.

00:26:30.940 9 o'clock, oh, my dad's like, everybody leave the TV.

00:26:33.920 I'm watching Married with Children.

00:26:35.220 Yes.

00:26:35.580 You know what I mean?

00:26:36.260 There was certain shows.

00:26:37.120 Yeah, you had to go hot in the back and watch it from far away.

00:26:38.820 Or like WWF, there was like one night, there was, oh, I'm watching World Rumble.

00:26:41.780 Oh, yeah.

00:26:42.280 We gotta stay up till 10.30 on Saturday night to see the freaking.

00:26:44.520 You know what I mean?

00:26:44.540 And it was like, and then like Friday, you go, okay, look, go on a blockbuster.

00:26:47.480 Everybody pick one movie.

00:26:48.400 Yeah.

00:26:49.380 You know what I mean?

00:26:50.080 And now everybody has everything.

00:26:51.260 Now it's just, everything is news.

00:26:53.900 Like, back in the day, it was, everybody would fight for who could be the coolest.

00:26:59.340 Everybody was fighting for who could be the best.

00:27:02.140 Now it's who can be the victim fastest.

00:27:05.860 Yeah.

00:27:05.940 It's shameless.

00:27:06.680 Oh, it did.

00:27:07.180 And people confuse fame and talent with.

00:27:10.520 Victimhood.

00:27:11.160 Yeah.

00:27:11.460 Hey, hey, no, no, he did this.

00:27:13.140 Oh, you're doing something.

00:27:14.240 Hey, well, look what are you doing.

00:27:16.580 Well, he also did this.

00:27:17.880 Yeah.

00:27:18.140 He did something else too.

00:27:19.340 Yeah.

00:27:19.680 To tarnish.

00:27:20.300 And actually, and back in the day, that didn't matter.

00:27:22.460 Like, if somebody was trying to tarnish you, it didn't matter.

00:27:24.780 Yeah.

00:27:24.960 But now, the person who was trying to throw dirt on your name, they can make up anything.

00:27:30.780 Hey, Theo Vaughn stole my truck last night and he drove over to Arby's.

00:27:34.380 Yeah.

00:27:34.680 He got 15 Bronco Berry sauces, stepped on them, smashed them, and splattered all over my seats.

00:27:39.300 Yeah.

00:27:40.220 And then I'm the headline.

00:27:41.700 Man who had 15 splattered Bronco Berry sauces.

00:27:46.000 Look at this.

00:27:46.740 Look how sad it is.

00:27:47.900 He's so sad.

00:27:48.760 Go fund me now.

00:27:49.920 People, go fund me in for new sheepskin.

00:27:52.240 Man, take Theo Vaughn's sweaters.

00:27:55.400 Yeah.

00:27:55.540 He can't wear a shirt ever again.

00:27:57.560 Man, that's so sad, man.

00:28:00.140 Yeah, now it's like, oh, who can be the best victim?

00:28:02.920 Who can be the best?

00:28:03.820 Well, well, well, um, fucking, I don't have shoes.

00:28:08.580 Yeah.

00:28:09.520 Oh, man, that's so sad, man.

00:28:11.700 Dude, when I was growing up, I remember Shoeless Joe Jackson was a star because he did a whole-

00:28:15.900 That was his thing.

00:28:16.640 A sport without having shoes.

00:28:19.300 Now, it's just somebody without shoes, bro.

00:28:22.240 They have shoes in the locker.

00:28:23.600 They leave them in there just to go out there and be like.

00:28:26.800 Yeah, now somebody forgot their combination.

00:28:28.720 I forgot my shoes.

00:28:29.700 Give me a contract.

00:28:32.520 That's what people think is fame.

00:28:33.960 But now you go on.

00:28:34.840 But here's where I think that the line is still drawn.

00:28:37.660 So that's early fame.

00:28:38.860 That's people reaching.

00:28:39.900 That's people doing that.

00:28:41.280 But then you still have to get on stage and bring a type of magic.

00:28:45.500 Oh, yeah.

00:28:45.880 And the shoe.

00:28:46.720 Now, I remember one time I was on tour.

00:28:48.340 I was actually working with Norm MacDonald.

00:28:49.640 I was in Oklahoma.

00:28:52.200 And they used to have a dude on America's Got Talent or something, Pants on the Ground.

00:28:56.860 Remember this guy?

00:28:57.620 Pants on the Ground.

00:28:59.760 Looking like a fool with your pants on the ground.

00:29:02.140 Now, this was a guy who had issues with gravity and he fucking didn't have a belt, right?

00:29:06.740 Yeah.

00:29:06.960 So this guy, they brought him out to the show.

00:29:09.040 He opened the show up doing five minutes, Pants on the Ground.

00:29:13.180 Then he brought his dime out there.

00:29:14.660 He had a lady and her pants had issues as well.

00:29:17.200 So he'd bring out there, do five more minutes.

00:29:19.960 You know what I'm saying?

00:29:20.820 Brawl on the fucking table or something.

00:29:22.880 You know?

00:29:23.200 Brawl on the table.

00:29:24.380 Brawl on the table.

00:29:25.380 Can't find my pierced navel because my bra's on the table.

00:29:30.180 Oh, okay.

00:29:31.300 All right.

00:29:31.700 Yeah.

00:29:32.060 So then, and their big clothes, so they would both kind of lay on the ground and fucking

00:29:35.740 take off the bra or something.

00:29:36.980 I don't know, right?

00:29:37.820 Yeah.

00:29:38.580 But that dude had two months of work.

00:29:43.060 And the rest of us who were doing comedy are still doing it.

00:29:47.680 Right.

00:29:47.980 So there is that line where once you take it to the stage, there's that line.

00:29:50.980 Yeah.

00:29:51.520 And yeah, the trends and the fads.

00:29:54.100 Right.

00:29:54.820 Those will fade.

00:29:55.620 The trends and fads will fade.

00:29:56.940 And some people evolve and they create new ones.

00:29:58.940 Yeah, that's why I say separation by elevation.

00:30:02.360 Right.

00:30:02.840 You know what I mean?

00:30:03.560 You got to, like, you know.

00:30:05.320 That's the one thing.

00:30:06.040 But you got to get away.

00:30:06.740 There's a lot of grabbers these days.

00:30:08.180 Oh, for sure.

00:30:09.040 Yeah.

00:30:09.600 There's always something new.

00:30:11.000 Yeah.

00:30:11.280 There's always going to be a new toy in the store.

00:30:13.060 Yeah.

00:30:13.180 There's always going to be new snacks that come out and they're in the front from the

00:30:15.940 store they're trying to sell.

00:30:17.040 Yeah.

00:30:18.000 But them Cool Ranch Doritos.

00:30:21.380 Oh.

00:30:21.780 Remember when they came out?

00:30:23.280 Those Cool Ranch Doritos.

00:30:24.420 You remember that?

00:30:25.120 Yeah.

00:30:25.300 I remember when the commercials for shit was just way different.

00:30:29.220 Like when Bo Jackson was playing two sports.

00:30:31.340 Deion Sanders was playing two sports.

00:30:32.940 And Mike Tyson and when the double-decker taco.

00:30:37.060 And you had the double-decker taco sideways neck.

00:30:39.520 Yeah.

00:30:39.880 I remember that.

00:30:40.460 He got stuck eating it.

00:30:41.380 Shaq had the sideways neck.

00:30:42.860 He couldn't eat.

00:30:43.560 He couldn't play basketball.

00:30:44.300 He was shooting free throw.

00:30:45.060 Yeah.

00:30:46.160 Dude, remember how good.

00:30:48.300 Remember when Cool Ranch Doritos.

00:30:49.980 Remember because for 20 years it was just Doritos.

00:30:52.420 Cheese only.

00:30:52.920 Regular.

00:30:54.180 Nothing fancy.

00:30:54.800 When you saw them Cool Ranch.

00:30:56.080 And then suddenly they had.

00:30:57.140 There wasn't just Ranch.

00:30:58.420 It was Cool Ranch.

00:30:59.380 Damn.

00:31:00.000 And it felt good on you.

00:31:00.960 You.

00:31:01.180 Everybody wanted the Cool Ranch.

00:31:02.520 Oh, dude.

00:31:04.040 They were sold out.

00:31:04.900 They didn't have them everywhere.

00:31:05.680 I remember biking all around town.

00:31:07.780 We heard that they had them somewhere.

00:31:09.500 Dude, a friend of mine got hit by a Trans Am on his bike looking for Cool Ranch Doritos,

00:31:13.420 bro.

00:31:13.980 And was in a fucking wheelchair after that.

00:31:16.460 Hush puppy.

00:31:16.940 What are they called?

00:31:17.500 Slush puppies.

00:31:19.060 Slush puppies and Cool Ranch Doritos.

00:31:21.400 And they go in there.

00:31:22.220 What did you used to, on a regular summer day as a kid, what kind of, you go to the

00:31:29.580 gas station.

00:31:30.320 Where did you get your money, first of all?

00:31:32.140 Okay.

00:31:32.900 First of all, where we got the money was, my mom had a chart.

00:31:35.740 If you were good, you started out with a dollar at the beginning of the week.

00:31:38.560 Okay.

00:31:38.920 And you got checks on there when you were bad.

00:31:41.340 So everybody got checks and you ended up at about 20 cents.

00:31:44.520 My little sister, though, she was always sick.

00:31:47.500 So she got all her money because she couldn't do anything bad.

00:31:49.900 She was ill.

00:31:50.880 So then we would get her money, too.

00:31:52.280 Me and my brother would take, borrow her money from her and break each other off, 50

00:31:56.380 cents each.

00:31:57.540 So I'd roll out about 60 cents over to that 7-Eleven.

00:32:01.680 I'd get myself fucking two packs of Garber's Pale Kid cards, bro.

00:32:05.400 You know what I'm saying?

00:32:05.960 Because I had to fucking stunt around my boys.

00:32:08.860 Remember that?

00:32:10.640 Loogie Larry.

00:32:11.720 Oh, yeah.

00:32:12.160 And he had just fucking sleep coming out of him.

00:32:14.160 Snotty Scotty.

00:32:15.220 Oh, yeah, dude.

00:32:16.960 Remember a bomb Tom in his head when he was fucking blowing up?

00:32:19.720 Atomic Atomic Atomic Atomic Atomic Atomic Atomic Atomic Atomic Atomic, yeah, something

00:32:26.060 like that, yeah.

00:32:26.440 Yeah, dude.

00:32:27.000 They had the Twisted Sisters, and they were like two snakes twirling.

00:32:31.800 Yeah, they had, oh, they had Flat Pat, and it was just a dude getting steamrolled.

00:32:36.180 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:32:37.120 He was curling up.

00:32:37.940 Yeah.

00:32:38.720 They had Trim Tim, and he was getting that fucking tight haircut.

00:32:43.140 Yeah, he was getting a haircut, but the scissors cut his ear off his arm.

00:32:46.420 Yes, and cut his neck.

00:32:47.320 Yeah.

00:32:47.560 Who else did they have?

00:32:50.720 Oh, Razor Raul.

00:32:53.200 Yeah.

00:32:53.900 First Spanish guy.

00:32:55.060 It was like, it was back when they were slicing.

00:32:57.480 Yeah, and he cut his wrist or something, bro.

00:32:59.340 And then the capture, sideways for attention, horizontal to get the job done.

00:33:05.560 Like, all right.

00:33:06.200 Well, I didn't know what that meant when I was eight.

00:33:07.980 You're like, damn, these cards are fucking great.

00:33:09.620 Well, by 11, I was like, okay, I see why he got discontinued.

00:33:13.320 Yeah, some of them were a little dark.

00:33:14.620 Like, kill yourself, Randall.

00:33:16.920 And you're like, what the fuck?

00:33:17.760 Wait, those don't even rhyme.

00:33:18.940 They don't even have them.

00:33:20.060 They don't even start with the same.

00:33:20.880 And he's just hanging in a closet, you know?

00:33:22.800 You're like, damn, this shit is dark.

00:33:25.140 Quaalude fucking Donald.

00:33:26.900 Damn.

00:33:27.220 And he just have a couple pills and his kids are fucking crying by the cops.

00:33:31.920 Ghostly George.

00:33:33.240 He was just hanging himself.

00:33:35.100 Hangman Hank.

00:33:36.580 He was just hanging himself in front of the students.

00:33:39.400 He was a substitute teacher.

00:33:40.580 Like, damn, first day.

00:33:43.020 Just got a degree.

00:33:44.360 I would get that and they had a fireball, bro.

00:33:46.480 And that was the thing if you wanted to flex a little bit in front of your boys or the chicks a little bit.

00:33:51.440 You wanted to get that fireball, show up with that red, that lusciousness kind of.

00:33:55.540 And have that heat in your mouth, man.

00:33:57.900 And that was about.

00:33:58.340 And you could just stick it inside and see how long it would burn.

00:34:01.440 And they knew you could fuck if you had that piece in there.

00:34:03.920 And you get that.

00:34:04.520 That thing was about a nickel and you put that thing in your jaw and show up, man.

00:34:07.960 So I would do that.

00:34:09.080 And then if I had a little bit extra money, then I would get myself maybe a chocolate for at night.

00:34:13.220 Get myself a Kit Kat.

00:34:14.960 And they have four pieces in there.

00:34:16.300 Sometimes I would get my mom a payday candy bar.

00:34:19.400 And that was kind of like a nice candy bar they had back then.

00:34:21.900 Right.

00:34:22.600 Now it's like nature's own.

00:34:23.980 They got all these fancy ones.

00:34:24.880 But back then they had that payday and it was for smart people.

00:34:29.040 But it was different, man.

00:34:30.040 What would you get if you think of you?

00:34:31.200 Well, first I had this little bronze-like glass-like little jar.

00:34:37.120 And I'd wait until I filled it up.

00:34:38.120 But I'd sell lemonade.

00:34:40.260 Oh, wow.

00:34:41.080 Yeah, me and my sister would sell it for like 10 cents, 5 cents, whatever.

00:34:45.460 Whatever you have until it fills up the jar.

00:34:47.840 I'd just go back in and keep making it.

00:34:49.480 I just wanted to fill that jar up.

00:34:50.820 And how many of you would sell a quartz gallon cup?

00:34:52.540 I'd sell it until it was gone.

00:34:53.860 I'd keep going back and make some more if I need to.

00:34:55.680 I wanted to fill that jar up.

00:34:56.860 Yeah.

00:34:57.240 I'd sell 3 cents.

00:34:58.760 Yeah, damn.

00:34:59.600 Damn.

00:34:59.760 As long as it's filled up.

00:35:01.340 So then you got to fill it up.

00:35:02.900 Yeah, yeah.

00:35:03.360 That's that feeling.

00:35:04.080 Then you roll with that back.

00:35:04.640 And then you go pull up.

00:35:06.100 Then you take that jar.

00:35:09.080 Just shove it in my pocket.

00:35:10.500 That's a lot of money.

00:35:11.280 Right.

00:35:11.480 Now I go up to the public pool.

00:35:13.340 Just hang out.

00:35:13.880 See what's going on over there.

00:35:15.040 Because that was on the way.

00:35:16.220 Because then you turn.

00:35:17.080 And then you go down.

00:35:17.620 And there was a circle K.

00:35:19.300 Okay.

00:35:19.840 But it wasn't on the street.

00:35:21.500 It was right at the end of the neighborhood.

00:35:22.760 So I didn't have to cross the street.

00:35:24.080 Oh, nothing dangerous.

00:35:25.320 Now what was happening at the public pool?

00:35:28.300 Like kids running around screaming.

00:35:30.540 There was a diving board.

00:35:32.460 The hot girl lived behind it.

00:35:34.440 Oh, yeah.

00:35:35.440 She's had bleach blonde hair.

00:35:37.100 Oh, yeah.

00:35:37.660 Coley Sanders.

00:35:38.760 Ooh.

00:35:40.240 How old was she?

00:35:42.080 Coley Sanders.

00:35:43.200 Was she Japanese or was she?

00:35:44.700 No, she was Caucasian.

00:35:46.440 Oh, yeah.

00:35:46.580 You can't even say white these days.

00:35:48.060 Yeah, you can't.

00:35:48.520 You get hog tied and stripped of all your medals if you say a color.

00:35:53.440 Yeah.

00:35:53.580 So she was of Norwegian Nordic descent.

00:35:57.520 Right.

00:35:57.880 You'd have to ask her what she is.

00:35:59.240 Yeah.

00:35:59.580 Yeah, exactly.

00:36:00.560 I don't even know.

00:36:02.020 Well, I get sued for even mentioning a human.

00:36:04.860 I think that's how it works these days.

00:36:06.740 So, yeah.

00:36:07.900 Then there's a diving board.

00:36:09.240 I can just hear it now.

00:36:11.740 You know, and there's the deep end.

00:36:13.440 Yeah, there's the deep end.

00:36:14.660 And then there's just whistles blowing right and left.

00:36:17.400 Yeah.

00:36:18.040 Stop.

00:36:18.620 Stop breathing.

00:36:19.780 Yeah.

00:36:20.200 Stop breathing.

00:36:21.120 You know what I mean?

00:36:25.920 And then.

00:36:26.200 Yeah, you're breathing underwater.

00:36:27.500 Stop.

00:36:27.980 So you can't.

00:36:28.880 Close your eyes underwater.

00:36:31.340 Yeah.

00:36:31.740 Stop drowning, they would say.

00:36:33.160 Yeah, and there was the outdoor shower.

00:36:35.480 Yeah, people would.

00:36:36.060 Some family would be in the corner with their little picnic set up.

00:36:38.820 Yeah, they have a set up right there.

00:36:39.740 But kind of by the lifeguard so you didn't fuck with them.

00:36:42.320 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:42.940 Then the older kids down by the diving board lining up.

00:36:45.700 And if you weren't tall enough, you couldn't even go on the diving board in the deep end.

00:36:50.820 Then there's adult swim.

00:36:52.200 Yeah.

00:36:52.660 You know, like, oh, adult swim.

00:36:53.520 And then I'd wait for adult swim.

00:36:54.520 And then I'd take off to the gas station.

00:36:55.960 Because that's when, what, the kids had to get out?

00:36:57.420 Had to get out.

00:36:57.960 And then they'd go to the playground.

00:36:59.040 And they'd walk around.

00:37:00.680 Go play the Ouija board in the bathroom.

00:37:02.680 Adults only.

00:37:03.620 Yeah.

00:37:04.000 Yeah.

00:37:04.160 They'd go seven minutes of heaven over there by the tricycles.

00:37:09.800 Yeah, man.

00:37:10.720 That's when you, yeah, you had to get out.

00:37:12.180 Yeah, so I'd take off to the gas station.

00:37:14.200 They had the Jolly Rancher fire.

00:37:17.560 Remember the fire Jolly Ranchers?

00:37:18.840 They were called fire flavored.

00:37:20.200 They were cinnamon, but they were crazy hot.

00:37:21.980 And the package would be stuck to the sides, but it was molted around.

00:37:24.900 So, like, there was angles, geometry angles on the thing.

00:37:29.220 Because it had melted and it's been sitting in the sun all day.

00:37:31.660 Oh, yeah.

00:37:31.800 So you didn't know how to get into that snack.

00:37:33.640 And then you get some little banana Laffy Taffy.

00:37:35.260 They didn't even have jokes on them back in the day.

00:37:37.320 Wow.

00:37:37.700 You just had to what?

00:37:38.240 Just think of something happening?

00:37:39.180 Yeah.

00:37:39.480 You had to open it and just make up a joke or something.

00:37:41.620 Hey, what do apples say on their birthday?

00:37:43.980 I don't know.

00:37:44.860 Just give me one.

00:37:45.840 No.

00:37:46.840 What do apples say on their birthday?

00:37:48.840 What?

00:37:49.680 Yeah.

00:37:52.120 Forest fires are friendly.

00:37:54.440 Yeah.

00:37:55.120 All right?

00:37:55.800 Like, all right.

00:37:57.160 Yeah.

00:37:57.880 So those and then you get those little.

00:38:01.060 It looked like a barrel.

00:38:02.600 Mm-hmm.

00:38:03.880 And it was a.

00:38:04.760 But it tasted like a melted popsicle.

00:38:06.740 It was like a little blue juice.

00:38:09.200 You ever seen those?

00:38:09.840 Oh, yeah.

00:38:10.080 It was wax.

00:38:11.240 No, no, no.

00:38:11.740 I'm talking about.

00:38:12.220 Yeah.

00:38:12.480 Well, the carton was.

00:38:13.720 Yes.

00:38:14.000 It's like a barrel.

00:38:15.100 And it had a little metal top on it.

00:38:16.420 Yep.

00:38:16.740 And you peel that off.

00:38:17.900 Yeah.

00:38:18.840 Oh, that shit was good.

00:38:19.960 What was that?

00:38:20.900 It's melted popsicles.

00:38:22.280 All the melted popsicles that go in the stores.

00:38:24.820 And they just put them in that.

00:38:26.600 Oh, I didn't even know that.

00:38:27.380 I didn't know it either.

00:38:29.040 Dang, man.

00:38:29.940 That's behind the scenes shit.

00:38:30.720 Yeah, and it had a kick in the back.

00:38:33.000 Yeah, that fucking get your neck up.

00:38:34.460 I don't know what it was.

00:38:35.040 That's a free neck brace, man.

00:38:36.380 It'll fucking loosen you up.

00:38:37.480 Yeah.

00:38:38.380 That and a double-decker taco.

00:38:41.220 Oh, yeah.

00:38:41.580 A taco.

00:38:42.100 Is that circle okay?

00:38:42.600 I don't know.

00:38:42.880 I'm just saying that.

00:38:44.300 Oh, yeah.

00:38:44.840 With that with the kick.

00:38:46.140 You're in a fucking wheelchair.

00:38:46.960 You're out of there.

00:38:48.200 But, dude, people used to.

00:38:49.420 You're at the nurse's office.

00:38:50.460 Oh, yeah.

00:38:51.480 Dude, remember the nurse's office?

00:38:53.200 Yeah.

00:38:53.420 I knew kids who used to go to the nurse's office just to switch clothes with the lost

00:38:57.420 and found just to get a new pair of pants.

00:39:01.060 That pink pantser, bro.

00:39:02.820 They had dudes go.

00:39:03.600 They'd piss their pants on Perk.

00:39:04.920 I know, dude.

00:39:07.320 Bro, and that's back when I remember.

00:39:09.720 Dude, I remember I'd get a bone or write and go in.

00:39:12.420 And then a lady and be like, hey, there's something wrong with my dick.

00:39:15.180 Yeah, check this out.

00:39:16.200 Yeah, check this out.

00:39:17.760 My dick keep getting hard.

00:39:18.980 A bee stung me.

00:39:20.000 That's what I would tell her.

00:39:21.020 Yeah.

00:39:21.580 What did the nurse say?

00:39:22.580 I think she liked me a little bit, but I was young.

00:39:24.660 How old was she?

00:39:25.560 She was probably maybe 50 or 48, but her husband had left her,

00:39:28.460 and she had a kid that was in our class.

00:39:30.360 Oh, she'd kind of send you a note and be like, hey,

00:39:32.120 I think I need to check up on Theo.

00:39:34.360 Yeah.

00:39:35.080 Is Theo sick today?

00:39:36.320 Sometimes I always get a note.

00:39:38.280 I think Theo's sick.

00:39:40.500 Yeah, he seems really sick today.

00:39:42.420 Hate to interrupt my boy Riff Raff right there,

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00:41:13.740 We had some calls.

00:41:15.040 We had some questions that came in from some listeners.

00:41:16.800 We'll go through some of them and we'll try to answer some of them and see what's going on.

00:41:20.860 Dude, I miss those old days though.

00:41:22.760 It's a different time.

00:41:24.680 It's a different time, man.

00:41:26.320 Different vibe.

00:41:27.880 Okay, here's a white guy right here.

00:41:29.920 Yo, Theo.

00:41:31.700 See you're doing some shit on the 80s.

00:41:34.040 I wanted to know if you guys ever played with the WWF wrestlers, the bigger rubber ones.

00:41:41.820 Me and my brother used to beat each other with them.

00:41:43.840 And we would have little makeshift wrestling matches that we choreographed that were pretty cool.

00:41:49.600 I also would fucking eat them, man.

00:41:51.740 I know I ate me a fucking hillbilly gym arm before.

00:41:55.640 I remember they had like the Mean Gene Okerlund doll and his back was completely flat.

00:42:01.540 And that was the one that you didn't want to get hit in the head with because that fucker had knockout power.

00:42:06.660 But yeah, man.

00:42:08.440 I fucking enjoy the shit out of your fucking comedy, man.

00:42:11.380 And just listening to you.

00:42:12.740 You fucking have really helped me.

00:42:14.560 I'm like 80 days sober right now.

00:42:17.320 And you're like an inspiration to me.

00:42:19.740 So anyways, I think you're a funny motherfucker.

00:42:22.280 Gang gang.

00:42:23.360 Later.

00:42:23.700 Gang gang, bro.

00:42:25.580 That's nice of you to say that, man.

00:42:26.860 Well, I'm here with the fucking human highlight right here in Riffganistan, dude.

00:42:32.540 And do you remember the wrestlers, Riff?

00:42:34.480 Did you do it?

00:42:35.120 I had, I think I had, my favorite ones was Legion.

00:42:37.940 I had Legion of Doom.

00:42:39.200 Oh, yeah.

00:42:39.720 And they had the spiked shoulder pads and the hacksaw Jim Duggan.

00:42:43.180 Remember that?

00:42:44.820 And he was mentally handicapped.

00:42:46.380 He was a construction worker.

00:42:47.560 The one he was talking about was the foam.

00:42:50.060 I mean, it's the rubbery ones.

00:42:51.520 Those are the big ones.

00:42:52.140 You didn't want those.

00:42:52.860 I didn't get those.

00:42:53.440 You wanted the action figures with the mobile arms that fucking move.

00:42:57.040 And they're about this size.

00:42:58.220 Yes.

00:42:58.860 Yes.

00:42:59.400 You know what I mean?

00:42:59.840 They're the good size.

00:43:00.600 The big ones were right before that.

00:43:01.540 I hated those.

00:43:02.620 Yeah, dude.

00:43:03.140 Those didn't count.

00:43:03.540 Those were like, those were, those were.

00:43:05.600 Yeah, those were the thing that hit somebody.

00:43:07.060 Yeah, those were like deflated hot water balloons.

00:43:09.900 Yeah.

00:43:10.900 Yeah.

00:43:11.100 I don't like those.

00:43:12.320 Those weren't good.

00:43:14.140 They had to switch those up fast.

00:43:15.240 What other one?

00:43:15.860 Remember Big Boss Man?

00:43:17.780 Remember him?

00:43:18.280 Now he.

00:43:18.580 Yeah, yeah.

00:43:18.920 Boss Man.

00:43:19.560 He was a racist.

00:43:21.020 Now he, I think he was racist.

00:43:22.440 But at the time he was just a regular guy that he was trying to earn money for his family

00:43:25.980 and survive.

00:43:26.480 He had to cut off sleeves.

00:43:28.240 Yeah.

00:43:28.860 He had the N word, I think, across his fucking chest.

00:43:31.380 And he was wild, bro.

00:43:32.440 But then he met a black girl and actually had a mixed child.

00:43:35.080 I read online.

00:43:36.240 So hold that.

00:43:36.880 So he turned it around.

00:43:38.160 But who else?

00:43:39.200 Remember Coco Beware?

00:43:40.220 They had a black color with a bird.

00:43:41.340 Coco Beware with a bird.

00:43:42.200 Remember him?

00:43:42.260 Yeah.

00:43:43.060 And he would show up.

00:43:44.200 Yeah.

00:43:44.680 Brett the Hitman Hart.

00:43:45.960 Ha ha.

00:43:47.480 Who else we got?

00:43:48.660 Snooker.

00:43:49.940 Let's talk about, you want to talk about long hair?

00:43:51.580 Jimmy Superfly Snooker, man.

00:43:53.380 That guy would jump off the thing.

00:43:55.480 He wore the cheetah pants.

00:43:56.820 Okay.

00:43:57.640 Yeah.

00:43:58.180 And he killed a woman.

00:43:59.480 In real life.

00:44:00.280 Yeah.

00:44:00.460 He killed a woman here in Florida, actually.

00:44:04.160 But who else, man?

00:44:05.780 Man, my favorite was Macho Man Randy Savage.

00:44:08.580 Macho Man, Ultimate Warrior.

00:44:10.540 Yeah.

00:44:11.180 Ultimate Warrior was fucking good, bro.

00:44:13.000 Yeah.

00:44:13.620 He's, like, I know he died not too long ago.

00:44:18.920 Yeah, not too long ago, man.

00:44:20.140 But, like.

00:44:20.660 He was the legend.

00:44:22.120 Like, I know he was, even after he stopped, you know, wrestling,

00:44:26.500 and he moved to a ranch.

00:44:27.820 A lot of those wrestlers, I learned, they moved far, far away from people.

00:44:32.000 Wow.

00:44:32.160 They didn't want to, like, you know what I mean?

00:44:33.720 A lot of them moved to Florida.

00:44:35.040 Yeah.

00:44:35.420 And they get four or five acres, you know what I mean?

00:44:39.000 Why do you think that is?

00:44:39.980 They want to just, I think, because they probably saw what was coming.

00:44:45.000 Like, the 2000s, they're like, I don't want all that.

00:44:48.020 I don't know what that is.

00:44:48.940 I don't want that.

00:44:50.100 No, no, no.

00:44:50.960 Not that.

00:44:51.840 They, they, all, like, the, you want, I mean, to me, I need, I need, I need,

00:44:57.420 I need to create space.

00:44:58.760 Right.

00:44:59.200 To have, to be able to create.

00:45:01.620 I need to create space to have creative space.

00:45:04.640 Oh.

00:45:04.880 You know what I'm saying?

00:45:05.360 I need, I need space between.

00:45:07.020 Yeah.

00:45:07.740 Just everything.

00:45:08.880 You need that think area.

00:45:09.920 Yeah.

00:45:10.240 You need to really, you need some acreage for your brain.

00:45:12.180 Yeah.

00:45:12.520 But I mean, I, but I know he was probably, like, he, he, I saw, like, a documentary or something

00:45:18.880 where he was still talking shit.

00:45:20.620 Wow.

00:45:20.960 He cut his hair and everything, but he, it was just in him, that warrior spirit.

00:45:24.280 Like, he was just.

00:45:25.720 He was an underdog.

00:45:26.600 He was awesome shit.

00:45:26.700 A lot of underdogs vibed with him because.

00:45:28.920 He was awesome shit.

00:45:29.920 Yeah.

00:45:30.520 He would always come in and he always seemed, like, from parts unknown.

00:45:34.060 Remember, I think that's what they would say about him.

00:45:36.920 That he was from, he could, that way he could be anybody.

00:45:38.880 I know a lot of people say, like, some things like, oh, yeah, man, it's a persona, it's a character.

00:45:44.240 I don't, like, I think, I mean, when it's somebody who, like, mentally, like,

00:45:48.960 they're, like, parts unknown.

00:45:51.140 Yeah.

00:45:51.540 Like, that's just what that is.

00:45:54.080 You know what I mean?

00:45:54.900 That's where they're from.

00:45:55.640 Yeah, they feel inside of themselves like they aren't from somewhere.

00:45:58.640 And they just are where they are.

00:46:00.000 And that's where they.

00:46:00.520 Yeah, and I think that certain people have to, you know, be a, get a certain amount of space to even be.

00:46:07.240 I remember, now looking back at it, I'm starting to see, I'm, like, kind of like that.

00:46:11.240 Because in school, I couldn't think about what's on paper.

00:46:14.400 I didn't, I don't even want to be here.

00:46:15.940 Look at all these damn bright lights.

00:46:17.420 And, wait, what time is it?

00:46:19.580 Yeah.

00:46:19.860 I should be asleep.

00:46:20.720 I think kids should be able to sleep until they wake up.

00:46:24.260 Like, if I have kids, they're going to be homeschooled.

00:46:25.800 And school don't start.

00:46:26.800 The teacher don't even get here.

00:46:27.760 I'm not calling the teacher over until you wake up.

00:46:30.840 Yeah.

00:46:31.000 You're growing still.

00:46:32.260 Right.

00:46:32.400 Your brain isn't even functioning fully yet.

00:46:35.360 You know what I mean?

00:46:35.920 Yeah, and we got you up at 6.30 in the morning.

00:46:38.140 And then they, who knows what they're feeding them.

00:46:39.900 Yeah.

00:46:40.180 I think the most important.

00:46:40.940 Sugar right out of the gate.

00:46:41.460 I think, I think until you're about 13, 14, you should be, until you're done growing

00:46:47.340 height-wise, you should be sleep, you know, you can be on a sleep schedule.

00:46:52.740 Yeah.

00:46:53.160 You know what I mean?

00:46:53.480 But you can't force a kid to go to sleep.

00:46:55.040 You're going to be in their room playing, you know what I mean?

00:46:58.080 Yeah, looking for something.

00:46:58.900 Building four tents.

00:46:59.440 Remember looking for something?

00:47:00.720 Dude, I remember looking for something one time for fucking six days.

00:47:02.580 Prowling around.

00:47:03.200 Six days.

00:47:04.000 Just prowling around.

00:47:05.140 I didn't sleep for six, I was looking for something, man, that I fucking needed.

00:47:09.620 What was it?

00:47:10.300 I don't know, man.

00:47:11.380 Just looking around.

00:47:12.260 Yeah, but looking, man.

00:47:12.560 You're going to a friend's house, stay the night, and then you stay at a friend's house,

00:47:16.860 and then y'all are prowling around the garage, and the grandma come out.

00:47:20.320 So how about that prowling around?

00:47:21.980 Yeah.

00:47:22.500 You prowling around the garage.

00:47:25.160 Get back in here and play RBI baseball or something.

00:47:27.340 Yeah, they don't know.

00:47:27.660 I'm going to make y'all some Coke floats.

00:47:30.580 What about a real beer for Coke floats over here?

00:47:32.800 All right.

00:47:33.240 Yeah.

00:47:33.720 Let me get y'all some water floats and have fucking vanilla ice cream and water.

00:47:37.240 Yeah.

00:47:37.720 Let me get y'all some Dr. Thunder.

00:47:39.920 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:47:43.000 They didn't have Dr. Pepper.

00:47:44.640 AC on 50.

00:47:45.980 Yeah, yeah, AC on 50.

00:47:47.300 But they saved money on the soda.

00:47:49.660 Saved 20 cents.

00:47:51.000 Cut coupons.

00:47:52.840 Yeah, what y'all doing out here?

00:47:53.840 Remember when people used to have coupons in the mail?

00:47:55.700 They don't even send coupons no more.

00:47:56.920 They don't give a fuck if you have a discount.

00:47:58.440 What the fuck is the point of having a mailbox if you don't get any damn coupons?

00:48:00.700 Give me the only good thing is them damn when you get those fucking little damn squares of like you peel off the thing.

00:48:08.480 You put 10 CDs that you want on there for one penny and you mail those off that and coupons.

00:48:13.860 You should get cool shit in the mail now.

00:48:15.580 Nothing.

00:48:16.660 They send you a bank statement or some shit.

00:48:20.120 Wait, why is my bank statement in a mailbox that I didn't even tell you to mail this shit?

00:48:27.560 Yeah.

00:48:27.900 And anybody can just walk up and see that.

00:48:28.660 Anybody can walk up and get it.

00:48:29.580 Get your money.

00:48:30.240 Get your information right there.

00:48:31.340 I'm going to take my fucking mailbox out of the damn ground.

00:48:34.600 Yeah, they say that people's identity theft, you can fucking go.

00:48:37.940 It's sitting in a box at the end of my driveway.

00:48:39.700 Give me coupons.

00:48:41.220 Remember that?

00:48:41.820 Bring coupons.

00:48:42.160 50% off Pop-Tarts.

00:48:44.440 You can even.

00:48:44.960 I bet you there's some CD.

00:48:46.080 There's a company.

00:48:47.000 There's a company.

00:48:47.800 There's got to be companies out there that are sitting on hundreds and thousands of millions of Duran Duran CDs, Soul Asylum, Porno for Pyros.

00:48:56.420 They're just sitting on ancient fucking CDs, tapes.

00:48:59.820 I'll buy all those for one cent a piece.

00:49:01.920 Oh, dude.

00:49:02.480 Right now?

00:49:03.980 Make posters out of them.

00:49:05.040 Sell them.

00:49:06.960 I'd go buy a tape player.

00:49:08.660 I saw a yellow Sony Walkman fucking headset and I'd go jogging around listening to fucking Madonna's greatest hits.

00:49:16.520 Oh, that jog wire, dude.

00:49:17.680 I could see you.

00:49:18.240 That cat is loose, bro.

00:49:19.880 I could see you out of the street.

00:49:22.000 With the biggest headphones ever, bro.

00:49:23.760 This fucking big, bro.

00:49:26.660 Press down play and record.

00:49:28.080 You put the tape in the earpiece, bro.

00:49:31.120 That's how big the fucking headphones are.

00:49:33.540 Damn.

00:49:36.200 Bro, I could see you.

00:49:38.100 Yeah, I could see you rocking them.

00:49:39.980 You should make those.

00:49:41.280 Dude, you know how many people would love those?

00:49:43.480 Put a fucking helmet on with a CD on top.

00:49:45.520 Tape player on the side.

00:49:47.120 Speakers in there.

00:49:48.140 And fresh water in the back.

00:49:49.500 A.C. in there.

00:49:52.420 A.C. in there, right?

00:49:53.300 A.C. Slater.

00:49:54.660 Yeah, dude.

00:49:55.560 You literally have a picture of fucking Mario Lopez on the back, dude.

00:50:00.100 And he can hear you and you tell him how cold you want him in there.

00:50:04.540 Dude, we should start a company, man.

00:50:07.540 That's going to go along with...

00:50:08.820 We're going to have, okay, the five acres, right?

00:50:12.740 Fenced around.

00:50:13.600 Well, this is your dog park.

00:50:14.780 Yeah.

00:50:15.320 $100 to get in.

00:50:16.780 Riff Raff's Ruff Stop at R-U-F-F Stop.

00:50:20.620 Riff Ruff.

00:50:21.460 Riff Ruff.

00:50:22.200 Yeah, where them puppies can come to play.

00:50:24.080 Riff Ruff's Husky Hub.

00:50:25.540 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:50:27.040 And sports.

00:50:27.840 You can bring your...

00:50:28.700 It's five.

00:50:29.160 So big, you can bring your mobile home, bring your dog.

00:50:32.020 Every item that comes in there is $100 an hour.

00:50:34.380 Yep.

00:50:34.600 No matter what you bring in.

00:50:35.500 If you're bringing your mobile fucking...

00:50:37.600 You bring your four-wheeler, bring your barbecue pit, that's $200.

00:50:41.260 Now you got...

00:50:41.860 Oh, you got a Husky and a Chihuahua.

00:50:43.840 Okay.

00:50:44.600 It's another $200.

00:50:45.520 And it's at your own risk.

00:50:46.680 Because if a Husky eats them, then you'll pay for that.

00:50:50.320 But if you have a pit bull and it attacks one of the Huskies,

00:50:52.500 then you'll find a million dollars.

00:50:54.540 Right.

00:50:55.060 That's that rule.

00:50:55.520 You entering is at your own risk of liabilities.

00:50:59.320 That's that risk item.

00:51:00.460 If you want to bring fucking Allen Iverson to the beach,

00:51:02.620 you know what I'm saying?

00:51:03.240 That's that risk item.

00:51:04.000 A batting cage.

00:51:05.760 Yeah.

00:51:05.940 But with tennis balls to shoot out at 50 miles per hour.

00:51:08.360 Just straight fastballs, not crazy sliders.

00:51:10.480 Right.

00:51:11.060 And then you go fucking speed fucking tester with the pitching thing.

00:51:15.520 And this dog...

00:51:16.300 And everything, the dogs can do it or what?

00:51:18.040 What is it like there?

00:51:18.540 Dogs are running around five acres and fucking mixing it up.

00:51:21.320 And you can bring your four-wheeler.

00:51:22.480 You're whipping that four-wheeler, they're going to chase it.

00:51:24.380 And what are the dogs else?

00:51:25.500 Do they have other...

00:51:25.900 It's like an excite bike track.

00:51:27.320 Oh, yeah.

00:51:29.140 Big pool there.

00:51:31.000 What else do they have for the dogs?

00:51:32.220 Different events or something?

00:51:33.280 Yeah, I mean, they should be a...

00:51:35.960 It could be a fucking, you know, at the football...

00:51:38.060 Like a dance or something at night?

00:51:40.040 It should be the light-up squares.

00:51:41.700 And they're running on it and they change...

00:51:43.560 Some hologram cats they can chase around.

00:51:48.100 Foxes.

00:51:49.220 You know what I mean?

00:51:49.940 Yeah, I love that.

00:51:51.320 Dalmatian Station.

00:51:52.520 If you want to go over there and check out some special bitches.

00:51:54.600 There's a tennis ball machine just shooting tennis balls out.

00:51:58.140 All day.

00:51:58.580 Just launching around.

00:51:59.760 The puppies are going to fucking do backflips.

00:52:02.220 All day anywhere.

00:52:02.960 It could be lunchtime and a fucking tennis ball flies through the air.

00:52:05.900 They're going to have to decide.

00:52:07.460 Yes.

00:52:08.220 Prime rib or tennis ball.

00:52:11.340 Yeah.

00:52:11.940 They make their own choices, man.

00:52:14.080 And so this is going to be a beautiful place and it's just in Florida.

00:52:16.480 And you're going to be there sometimes?

00:52:17.720 Or how does it go?

00:52:19.340 I'm going to damn near live there.

00:52:20.760 I love that.

00:52:21.560 You're the referee, bro.

00:52:22.580 You're going to fucking roll around and tell them what's going on.

00:52:26.040 I love that, dude.

00:52:26.760 You're going to be there, too.

00:52:27.560 Dude, I'll be there.

00:52:28.120 Could I work there?

00:52:29.740 It's all play.

00:52:30.700 Two weeks out of the year, man.

00:52:32.800 I want to whistle, too.

00:52:33.820 Like a quiet whistle, though.

00:52:35.060 Nothing heavy.

00:52:35.600 Do whatever you want.

00:52:37.280 Dude, I would love that, man.

00:52:38.780 I want to work in the gift shop.

00:52:40.720 They're going to have a gift shop, too.

00:52:42.240 You know, like in the NFL with the cooling fans blow snow out?

00:52:45.920 That's everywhere.

00:52:48.020 Damn.

00:52:49.420 I love that, man.

00:52:51.220 Snowy sweats.

00:52:52.420 Five hours.

00:52:53.220 Yeah, damn.

00:52:53.760 Is that sweat?

00:52:54.320 That's fucking snow, man.

00:52:55.400 Sports gloss.

00:52:56.100 It's summertime.

00:52:56.800 That's sports gloss.

00:52:58.040 That lost boss.

00:52:59.240 Let's play another.

00:52:59.980 We got another question that came in here.

00:53:01.480 Let's get into another one here.

00:53:03.760 Yo, what up, Theo?

00:53:04.980 What up, Riff Raff?

00:53:06.160 It's your boy, Dustin, coming at you from Texas.

00:53:08.520 Big fan of both of you guys.

00:53:10.460 My question is, what is your favorite sports player from the late 80s, early 90s?

00:53:15.500 I got to say, mine's probably Bo Jackson, so let me know what you guys think.

00:53:20.000 Gang, gang.

00:53:20.780 Gang, gang, man.

00:53:22.420 That's a good one, Riff.

00:53:23.420 What you think?

00:53:24.620 What comes to mind?

00:53:27.020 Sports?

00:53:27.740 I mean, there's so many.

00:53:29.140 I'd have to say probably Deion Sanders.

00:53:31.600 I remember, I think it was when he got drafted, and he had nugget gold jewelry, and he had

00:53:38.440 a mullet.

00:53:40.180 Yes, he had it.

00:53:40.840 You could look at it.

00:53:41.440 I mean, he had the cray, the glasses.

00:53:43.580 He wasn't playing.

00:53:44.920 No.

00:53:45.780 He looked good.

00:53:49.220 He played good, and he could back it up, and he was about sports and about winning.

00:53:53.300 He showed up as a champion.

00:53:54.520 And he looked good doing it.

00:53:55.360 He showed up as a champion.

00:53:56.920 Deion Sanders.

00:53:57.800 Yeah, Bo Jackson is another one.

00:53:59.280 And I heard they put a weight bench in his house to make it so when scouts would come

00:54:04.160 through, they'd think he worked out, but I don't think he ever touched a weight a day

00:54:06.780 in his life.

00:54:07.520 Man.

00:54:08.160 And he was a legend, man.

00:54:09.100 He was one of a kind.

00:54:10.620 I'm trying to think of anybody else that I tried to be.

00:54:13.080 There weren't any.

00:54:15.120 I mean, Michael Jackson.

00:54:16.140 Oh, he said baseball, huh?

00:54:18.080 Or did he?

00:54:18.680 He said sports in general.

00:54:19.500 Michael Jackson.

00:54:20.240 I mean, obviously, Michael Jordan was great.

00:54:22.340 There wasn't a lot of.

00:54:23.440 Pistol Pete Maravich was from my area.

00:54:25.340 Man, I watched that movie.

00:54:26.780 You ever seen his movie?

00:54:29.340 The Pistol, I think.

00:54:30.440 Yeah.

00:54:31.180 Yeah.

00:54:31.600 What about him growing up and he dribbled basketball everywhere?

00:54:33.600 I used to do that.

00:54:34.960 Dribble a tennis ball, dribble a basketball, just anything.

00:54:37.460 Wear the basketball down, wear holes in my shoes.

00:54:39.840 You remember going for a walk in the neighborhood, taking a ball with you?

00:54:42.340 Remember that?

00:54:42.680 You take it everywhere.

00:54:43.540 Yeah.

00:54:43.840 And if somebody saw you dribbling basketball, oh, he's a basketball player.

00:54:46.220 Yeah.

00:54:46.900 Oh, he's trying out next year.

00:54:48.780 They're going to know what I'm doing.

00:54:50.280 You're going to see what I'm about.

00:54:51.880 They driving by.

00:54:52.760 They don't think you're about nothing.

00:54:54.500 I'm about basketball.

00:54:55.280 Yeah, I'm about fucking hoops, bitch.

00:54:57.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:54:57.800 Everywhere.

00:54:58.440 I'll fucking hoop on your whole family.

00:54:59.860 You got a two-year-old in the back.

00:55:01.000 He's looking at you.

00:55:02.120 Flip that little motherfucker off.

00:55:03.440 I'll dribble down the damn cereal aisle and throw some Nabisco treats.

00:55:07.940 Yeah, bro.

00:55:08.420 I'll fucking do it.

00:55:08.900 I don't want that.

00:55:09.720 I don't want no food.

00:55:10.580 I'm sports.

00:55:11.320 I'll dunk in donuts on your neck, bro.

00:55:13.060 I'll fucking, I'll give you a fucking, I'll give your cousin some DimaTap, dude.

00:55:16.660 I don't give a damn, bro.

00:55:18.180 I'll put Band-Aids on your grandmother, bro.

00:55:21.040 I don't give a fuck, man.

00:55:22.260 That was a different time, man.

00:55:25.140 Different.

00:55:26.360 You had to be about something.

00:55:27.700 Yeah, remember that?

00:55:28.500 You had to pick something and do it, and that's what you're about.

00:55:30.940 Now people just are fighting.

00:55:32.220 Everybody, I'm a, I'm a, like, I'm a rapper.

00:55:34.240 All right.

00:55:34.640 This is like a club, right?

00:55:35.960 You go to, you go to, you got to do a little hideaway, duck out club.

00:55:39.460 And when everybody starts pouring in there, you're like, man, I'm out.

00:55:42.420 I'm out.

00:55:43.280 Everybody now, this just, okay, what's, what's.

00:55:45.400 Yeah, this turned into structure, man.

00:55:46.920 I don't know what the hell's going on.

00:55:48.360 This turned into, yeah, this turned into Estee Lauder.

00:55:51.940 Man, this turned into, damn, it's a big-ass Walmart.

00:55:55.540 Yeah, bro, let's see if I'm.

00:55:56.840 All right, y'all be here now.

00:55:58.180 I'm going to show up at 120.

00:55:59.760 Yeah.

00:56:01.420 And when y'all, y'all done?

00:56:03.500 Y'all done yet?

00:56:05.500 Yeah, I think there's something to that, man, that's showing up when everybody's going.

00:56:08.660 Let's get one more question that came in, man.

00:56:12.160 Yo, Theo, it's your boy Ryan from Illinois.

00:56:14.940 Born and raised, baby, what's up?

00:56:17.140 I got a question for you and the Vanilla Gorilla himself.

00:56:20.980 See, I've been trying to put on them gains, baby.

00:56:24.960 And I'm looking for all natural solutions.

00:56:26.840 Hey, rest in peace, Billy Conforto.

00:56:28.880 I know what you and him were doing on the side of that highway, brother.

00:56:31.480 But I'm looking for that natural solution.

00:56:34.660 Gang, bro.

00:56:35.580 I used to use steroids with my buddy.

00:56:36.860 He was a busboy, but he died.

00:56:38.740 Yeah.

00:56:40.500 So natural solution, man, you're in way better shape than I am.

00:56:43.560 Right now, what I'm doing, okay, so me personally, I'm about comfort and feeling.

00:56:50.540 If I gain too much weight, I'm focused too much on just building muscle and not caring

00:56:55.020 about just, and you could get bigger by just eating everything, you know what I mean?

00:56:59.320 But if you want to feel good and gain muscle strength, I'm learning that stretching helps.

00:57:06.600 But food is like 80% of how you're going to feel, you know what I mean?

00:57:12.520 So what I'm trying to do now is I'm going to eat as much vegetable.

00:57:15.680 If you eat a stir-fried pan of just broccoli, that has protein in it, you know what I mean?

00:57:21.820 I'm eating that.

00:57:22.600 I'm eating, they have these new tuna fish packets.

00:57:26.140 And you tear them open and mix some, I chipe up some pickles and mayonnaise.

00:57:31.600 And I eat like two or three packs of that tuna fish.

00:57:34.840 That's me personally.

00:57:36.520 And consistently drinking water so you get that pump.

00:57:39.640 You feel good.

00:57:40.780 Water, vegetables, low carb, high protein, a lot of water.

00:57:45.280 It's like cliche because that's obvious.

00:57:48.500 But when you repeatedly just do that, do that, do that for days, you start waking up with more energy

00:57:54.260 and you want to work out more.

00:57:55.620 And you feel good.

00:57:55.960 So once you can get to that stage where you actually want to work out more and you realize,

00:58:00.120 oh, it's like putting gas in your car.

00:58:01.700 You don't take a Snickers bar and smash it into your gas tank.

00:58:04.940 It has to be gas.

00:58:06.080 It has to be pure gas.

00:58:07.960 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:58:08.380 You know what I'm saying?

00:58:08.980 You can't fucking throw some corn nuts in there.

00:58:10.800 Nah, it's like, oh, well, here's some fucking Hawaiian punch, the green kind.

00:58:15.040 Let me see what this does.

00:58:16.500 You can't do that.

00:58:17.920 It has to be gas.

00:58:19.020 So like your body is just like it requires a certain thing.

00:58:22.680 And right now what I'm starting to do is be like, okay, if we were 100 years ago,

00:58:27.860 you know, AC just got invented recently.

00:58:29.780 You know what I mean?

00:58:30.340 Like processed food where if it didn't, if I was a caveman, was this around?

00:58:37.440 So fruits, vegetables, you know what I mean?

00:58:40.400 Pistachios, almonds, you know what I mean?

00:58:42.600 Even like meat.

00:58:43.740 Like I try not to eat meat because I'm just like it had to be a caveman looking at like

00:58:50.420 a lion tearing apart a deer and be like, I guess I'll try that.

00:58:54.840 Right.

00:58:55.040 Somebody's eating.

00:58:55.720 If they're eating it, if that lion is strong and he's eating that, then I should eat that.

00:58:59.120 And so imagine that caveman walking up and taking a chunk out of that fly ridden fucking

00:59:03.600 deer and that ain't, you know what I mean?

00:59:05.440 Then you have to add fire.

00:59:07.160 Like, but imagine being way back in the day and then you find a fucking kiwi.

00:59:12.400 You're like, what the fuck is this?

00:59:13.560 Tarantula butt.

00:59:14.580 Yeah.

00:59:15.160 You fucking slice it open.

00:59:16.620 You're eating that.

00:59:17.220 Imagine.

00:59:17.420 And that tastes good to us today.

00:59:19.460 Yeah.

00:59:19.620 So imagine like back in the day, like, yeah.

00:59:21.620 Okay.

00:59:21.780 This is, these are like, these are fucking hidden gems.

00:59:24.840 Yeah.

00:59:25.140 And they have vitamins and fruits and it's real.

00:59:27.500 You know what I'm saying?

00:59:28.420 So I'm trying to like be on like fruits and water.

00:59:31.260 So you're thinking of things that are real, things that somebody could find if they're

00:59:34.160 high, if they're back in the day, they could find.

00:59:36.380 Yeah.

00:59:36.580 And I think that's what we're supposed to eat.

00:59:38.220 I think there's hidden like fucking clues in the world and you just have to find them.

00:59:41.580 But if you're too focused on some bullshit, then you aren't going to be thinking like

00:59:45.440 that.

00:59:45.920 And you're putting the shit in you.

00:59:48.340 Yeah.

00:59:48.520 It's how you feel.

00:59:49.260 It's how you think.

00:59:49.880 It's how you see.

00:59:50.500 It's how you, you know what I mean?

00:59:51.680 Do you think your diet affects the way that you think?

00:59:54.240 Hell yeah.

00:59:55.620 If you aren't in a good mood and if you physically, like imagine you're hung over.

00:59:59.620 Mm-hmm.

01:00:00.040 If you're hung over, you can't think about what, how your dog feels.

01:00:04.260 You can't think about how your friends feel, how you're, if you have a girlfriend, you can't

01:00:07.680 think about that.

01:00:08.200 You're like, oh, just fucking make me feel better.

01:00:10.160 I need to feel better.

01:00:11.440 You're like, you know what I mean?

01:00:12.620 You're, you're, you're thinking, you're thinking inward.

01:00:14.860 Yeah.

01:00:15.120 When you can, when you think clear and you're, that's why I want to, when you work out early

01:00:19.000 in the morning and blood flowing and blood gets to your brain, you're like, okay, I'm

01:00:21.760 ready for the day.

01:00:22.320 I'm good.

01:00:22.840 Yeah.

01:00:23.600 You know what I mean?

01:00:24.200 You get that blood flowing and you get thinking clear, then you give off a whole different radiation.

01:00:30.600 Yeah.

01:00:31.020 And I'm trying to, and that's what I'm going towards.

01:00:32.840 I'm not there yet.

01:00:33.520 I'm just, I take little bits and pieces that everybody I see or that everybody does.

01:00:37.920 And then I'm like, you can't do everything that somebody says.

01:00:40.700 No.

01:00:41.060 And I don't want to give advice to somebody.

01:00:42.580 I could, but I can tell you what I'm doing right now.

01:00:44.960 Yeah.

01:00:45.400 And I'm, that's what I'm in right now.

01:00:46.920 Yeah.

01:00:47.060 Your experience.

01:00:47.780 Yeah.

01:00:47.860 You can always share your experience.

01:00:49.540 Yeah.

01:00:49.900 That's one thing I've kind of learned over time is, yeah.

01:00:52.520 Sometimes I try to be careful with my ego, you know, it's like, I try to just, cause

01:00:57.120 the ego can be so dangerous, you know?

01:00:58.700 So I try to just, if you think you're thinking inward, you have to outward.

01:01:02.280 Yeah.

01:01:02.940 You can't think about shit too much.

01:01:05.200 Yeah.

01:01:05.600 Yeah.

01:01:05.900 And then I have more fun too.

01:01:07.140 When I start really getting stuck on myself or stuck on what's going on, I find I get

01:01:10.420 negative.

01:01:11.200 I get scared.

01:01:11.980 I operate from a place of fear.

01:01:13.400 You know what I mean?

01:01:14.060 You gotta, you, you, and that's why I want to, if you can get yourself feeling good, then

01:01:20.240 you're like, Oh, this is good.

01:01:21.580 Yeah.

01:01:21.940 Hair blowing in the wind, riding a bike.

01:01:23.740 You're like, okay, dude, this is good.

01:01:26.760 Yeah.

01:01:27.020 We're flipping the four wheeler around.

01:01:28.940 That was the most fun I had.

01:01:30.400 Right.

01:01:30.860 Riding that bike, dude.

01:01:32.320 One of the neighbors looked at me like I might steal something.

01:01:34.620 I'm like, fuck you.

01:01:35.240 She didn't want to wave.

01:01:36.000 I had to wave at her.

01:01:36.740 Yeah.

01:01:36.880 I saw you fucking start that wave, dude.

01:01:38.820 It changed her vibe up though.

01:01:39.920 Hey, how you doing?

01:01:41.500 She gave a little one to you.

01:01:42.740 Yeah.

01:01:42.980 She had waved at the other guy in the car.

01:01:45.060 Hi.

01:01:45.420 And she'll try to scurry out.

01:01:47.260 Nah, nah, nah.

01:01:48.880 You're going to wave around here.

01:01:50.600 Yeah.

01:01:50.760 Oh, you're going to wave him.

01:01:53.760 Oh, yeah.

01:01:54.120 You're going to wave, baby.

01:01:55.580 Waverly Estates.

01:01:56.660 Yeah.

01:01:57.140 Yeah.

01:01:57.620 Welcome.

01:01:58.420 Yeah.

01:01:59.180 Welcome to the wave pool.

01:02:00.580 Yeah.

01:02:00.920 You know what I'm saying?

01:02:01.620 This is the deep end.

01:02:02.860 Yeah.

01:02:03.080 You're going to join the wave.

01:02:04.240 Yeah.

01:02:04.640 You're going to fucking, yeah, by this afternoon, you're going to be doing this in the yard.

01:02:08.240 She didn't want to.

01:02:08.860 She hated that.

01:02:09.700 She's like.

01:02:10.140 Yeah.

01:02:11.560 Yeah, she did.

01:02:13.700 Pesky.

01:02:14.580 He's riding a four wheeler.

01:02:16.380 Those hater waves, man.

01:02:17.820 All right.

01:02:18.660 Dude, you keep it young.

01:02:19.520 I can't wait to see this dog park.

01:02:20.740 Man, I can't wait to come and work at it.

01:02:22.480 I'm going to be the lifeguard in the puppy pool.

01:02:25.380 Whatever you want.

01:02:26.060 And if they piss in it, I don't care.

01:02:27.360 I'm going to look the other way.

01:02:29.140 Saltwater and Laffy Taffy.

01:02:30.900 Saltwater Taffy is over there.

01:02:32.040 Free Saltwater Taffy for everybody.

01:02:33.180 It's going to be a cooling little cabana.

01:02:36.400 Some barbecue.

01:02:38.000 Because people love their pets so much, they would love it.

01:02:40.540 Man, it's a whole different vibe being around animals versus.

01:02:43.540 They don't ask for clothes.

01:02:44.680 They don't ask for Instagram.

01:02:45.900 Yeah.

01:02:46.180 They don't care about none of that shit.

01:02:49.720 They're rocking fur coats, trampling around all day.

01:02:52.100 All they want is some hugs and fucking lunch meat.

01:02:56.640 Yeah.

01:02:58.100 That's beautiful hugs and ham, dude.

01:02:59.560 That's that fucking.

01:03:00.320 Ham hawks.

01:03:01.240 Them ham hawks brought us away to something's heart.

01:03:03.060 Riff Raff, man.

01:03:05.320 Thank you so much.

01:03:06.000 I'm so grateful that Simon, you know.

01:03:09.820 He hooked us up.

01:03:10.800 He hooked us up.

01:03:11.760 Somewhere along the line.

01:03:12.940 Because he was the first one.

01:03:14.140 He loves you, man.

01:03:14.440 He was the first one to show me you.

01:03:17.500 You know what I mean?

01:03:18.040 Yeah.

01:03:18.420 Yeah.

01:03:18.700 He's always like, yeah.

01:03:20.400 He is always on some new shit.

01:03:23.120 He's always on the health shit.

01:03:24.460 Yeah.

01:03:24.740 He always looks the same.

01:03:25.940 Yeah.

01:03:26.360 Looks great.

01:03:27.040 He always looked the same.

01:03:27.880 You know what I mean?

01:03:28.340 Same 7% body fat for the last 30 years.

01:03:30.900 Damn, dude.

01:03:31.400 Yeah.

01:03:31.900 No, he's always on like the next thing.

01:03:33.940 And he's somebody else who's very influential just in real life.

01:03:37.640 You know what I mean?

01:03:38.400 Yeah.

01:03:38.720 No, man.

01:03:39.140 He's the one who gave.

01:03:40.540 I remember he told people.

01:03:41.920 He deserves way more credit than he gets.

01:03:43.580 To me, he should be in so many movies.

01:03:45.920 Yeah.

01:03:46.460 You know what I mean?

01:03:47.080 Well, yeah.

01:03:47.440 He should.

01:03:47.900 I mean, also, he stays so busy, though.

01:03:49.740 I think he always.

01:03:50.120 Yeah, he definitely is.

01:03:51.220 Don't get me wrong.

01:03:51.700 He's always in another world.

01:03:52.200 Don't get me wrong that he's not successful.

01:03:54.020 No, no.

01:03:54.300 He's successful.

01:03:54.700 And he's just got that mobile home, so he travels.

01:03:57.060 He's always on some shit.

01:03:58.460 Yeah.

01:03:58.640 And he's on his own thing.

01:03:59.940 And I respect that.

01:04:01.640 Man.

01:04:02.720 I know I look up to him so much.

01:04:03.880 Definitely.

01:04:04.260 Me too.

01:04:04.940 He's the one, man.

01:04:06.280 But, dude, it's an honor.

01:04:07.220 And I really appreciate you letting us be here today, man.

01:04:09.540 Hey, I'm glad to have you.

01:04:10.840 You're the first human in here.

01:04:12.160 I know.

01:04:12.500 That's cool.

01:04:13.120 Yeah.

01:04:13.720 Yeah, man.

01:04:14.200 It was a pleasure to meet Mike.

01:04:15.040 Pleasure to meet Ari.

01:04:15.960 All right.

01:04:16.240 I got to get your barber to give me a one-line cut.

01:04:17.920 Yeah.

01:04:18.140 Let's get him on the one line.

01:04:19.800 He got to.

01:04:20.880 Because this is my first time here.

01:04:22.080 I get one line.

01:04:22.640 Oh, yeah.

01:04:23.100 Give him the one line.

01:04:23.840 And then we'll knot you up two next time.

01:04:25.760 Next time.

01:04:26.300 Gang, bro.

01:04:26.760 I respect that.

01:04:27.520 Then you can get that Versace veteran level with the three.

01:04:30.080 Oh, wow.

01:04:30.860 Yeah.

01:04:31.340 That's at the dog park.

01:04:34.080 Yeah.

01:04:34.320 I might need to read the handbook on that one.

01:04:37.820 I think he's going to grab the barber clips.

01:04:39.660 Good.

01:04:39.900 We'll get it in.

01:04:40.700 Rip, thank you so much, man.

01:04:41.620 Thank you.

01:04:42.080 I really appreciate it.

01:04:42.980 I appreciate it.

01:04:43.680 Now, I'm just floating on the breeze.

01:04:46.880 And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

01:04:49.860 I must be cornerstone.

01:04:54.980 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.

01:05:00.580 I can feel it in my bones.

01:05:03.980 But it's going to take a little time For me to set that parking brake And let myself unwind

01:05:16.280 Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories

01:05:26.180 Shine on me And I will find a song I will sing it

01:05:36.720 Just for me

01:05:38.760 And now I've been moving way too fast On a runaway train with a heavy load of my

01:05:49.200 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite And welcome to Kite Club

01:05:56.420 A podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events

01:06:00.080 Stand-up stories And seven ways to pleasure your partner

01:06:03.620 The answer may shock you

01:06:05.520 Sometimes I'll interview my friends Sometimes I won't

01:06:08.860 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head

01:06:12.360 You have three new voice messages

01:06:15.240 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club

01:06:18.240 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long

01:06:21.040 Longer than anybody else

01:06:22.680 So great

01:06:23.480 Aye, sweet eye

01:06:25.460 Here's a deal

01:06:26.520 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club

01:06:28.960 Is a dodgy bloody wanker

01:06:31.020 Jermaine

01:06:31.720 Ho ho, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry

01:06:36.040 Sorry sir, but our ice cream machine is broken

01:06:37.880 Ho ho ho

01:06:39.300 No

01:06:39.800 I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me

01:06:42.840 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is

01:06:45.240 Tell everyone about Kite Club

01:06:46.960 Second rule of Kite Club is

01:06:48.900 Tell everyone about Kite Club

01:06:51.140 Third rule

01:06:51.940 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts

01:06:54.800 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:06:57.180 And yes, don't worry

01:06:58.220 My Brad Pitt impression will get better

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - May 16, 2019

Riff Raff ｜ This Past Weekend #199

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