This Past Weekend with Theo Von - March 24, 2020


Searching for Abuelito ｜ This Past Weekend #269


Episode Stats

Length

1 hour and 3 minutes

Words per Minute

162.26588

Word Count

10,232

Sentence Count

870

Misogynist Sentences

36

Hate Speech Sentences

28


Summary

In this episode I talk about the power of music and how it can change your life. I also talk about how the calendar works and why it's one of the most important things you can have in your life!


Transcript

00:00:01.000 Starry starry night. Man, just got done watching a little bit of that James Blake live on Instagram.
00:00:11.180 And man, he's a real, oh, you know if you pick James Blake up and you put your ear up next to him, you just, man, you could hear a thousand oceans from different stratospheres, man.
00:00:26.040 And that guy, it's, he just, if you're not familiar with his tunes and his, you know, vocalry, get out there.
00:00:37.160 I mean, that guy's got Siegfried and Roy living inside of his dang tonsils.
00:00:44.000 You know, he just, he's that whistler.
00:00:47.660 Man, I just listened to, I was really listening just now to him on Instagrams and, um, and it, yeah, it just opened up, uh, just damn, two of my chakras fell open.
00:01:01.920 And, you know, he's that pop-a-lock.
00:01:05.280 If your soul is stalled out on the side of the, uh, of the, stole, of the soul or system, then, uh, check out some James Blake audio.
00:01:17.960 And you can find him on YouTube and you can find him in, um, everywhere, anywhere you listen to music, you know, uh,
00:01:25.400 but he just, he shows up and he just got that Jimmy stick and he'll just, I mean, whew, the boy will make you down.
00:01:34.300 He'll make a tear flow out of your heart.
00:01:36.100 You're like, dang, I thought we were just working with blood.
00:01:38.520 But next thing you know, your aortas are really, they slang in salt water.
00:01:43.380 You feel me?
00:01:45.600 Um, so I'm lifted, man.
00:01:48.080 I feel lifted right there.
00:01:49.080 That's the power of music and it is quite a power.
00:01:53.320 Uh, let's get into the episode.
00:01:54.880 Gang.
00:01:55.800 Gang.
00:02:24.880 And that ain't, that's not James Blake.
00:02:43.480 That is tiny sand who, and he just hit it.
00:02:47.120 The email opened up yesterday and I grabbed that email and it was from the man himself, tiny sand who, and he's been sending in diddies from the beginning of this podcast era.
00:02:59.060 Uh, and that was a cover of, and that was a cover of by him for the love of money by the OJs.
00:03:03.440 And that's a cover.
00:03:05.860 And, uh, and just nice of him, you know, a time when, when, um, when people are really a lot of, a lot of us, there's that, there's that energy where, you know, there's, there's just uncertainty.
00:03:17.400 I'm cloaking myself in uncertainty.
00:03:19.780 And here he is saying, look, here's a certain tune and this is for you and I'm going to give something of myself.
00:03:25.220 And that's tiny sand who, with that ear did he, man, that thing crawling inside of your ear like a little ant.
00:03:30.960 And he gave us that hit gang.
00:03:35.440 I hope you guys are well.
00:03:37.100 I hope you guys are well.
00:03:38.160 Thank you for being here.
00:03:39.060 I'm here and you are here.
00:03:41.940 And that is a good start.
00:03:44.840 You know, that's a good start.
00:03:46.200 I'm happy to be alive today.
00:03:50.080 What am I doing?
00:03:51.020 I made a gratitude list this morning.
00:03:54.120 You know, just things I'm happy to have, uh, arms, you know, I'm happy that there's, um,
00:04:00.960 you know, that the calendar works, you know, imagine that you got, you know, the calendar.
00:04:09.360 Everybody thinks the calendar just happened, you know, like two people were standing around wondering
00:04:14.120 if there would ever be a Thursday and then just out of the sky, a calendar just fell.
00:04:20.260 And they said, oh, dang, they got it.
00:04:22.820 Somebody graphed it out.
00:04:25.320 You know, somebody did the dirty work.
00:04:27.240 And, uh, but a lot of people don't realize that, um, that, yeah, the calendar is basically,
00:04:35.180 the calendar is, it's, uh, well, shit, what is it, dude?
00:04:43.840 The calendar is like, um, it's kind of like the, it's like kind of the, honestly, dude,
00:04:50.580 it's like kind of a mentally handicapped periodic table.
00:04:53.960 If you look at it like that, like sometimes a calendar will be outside playing in his yard
00:04:58.700 and the periodic table will drive by in a straight up Corvette, you know, and the calendar will
00:05:03.880 be like, oh, dang boy, I ain't, I'm, I'm still on the tricycle.
00:05:07.520 You know, I'm not shit compared to that bad boy right there.
00:05:10.680 So the calendar really is really a second class set of, uh, organization compared to the big
00:05:18.320 dogs, like the periodic table, um, the food pyramid, um, what else?
00:05:25.780 Iambic pentameter, different, you know, large, different things that are really more popular
00:05:31.820 kind of, I guess you could say, but what are we talking about, man?
00:05:36.340 I don't know.
00:05:36.900 I don't know anything, man.
00:05:38.400 Does anybody, you know, it's today, it's Monday afternoon, the days of the week are running
00:05:45.020 together, you know, time has got, I mean, things are, people are inside.
00:05:52.920 The Postmates guy showed up in the rain last night and it felt like a damn, it felt like,
00:05:57.800 I felt like I was in that movie, The Notebook.
00:06:01.040 Dude, he showed up and I just, I mean, I started, it was just wild.
00:06:06.060 I started hearing just romantic music and he's standing there and, you know, when he
00:06:10.980 had two kebabs for me and I didn't want him to leave, bro, cause I hadn't seen, I hadn't
00:06:15.380 seen anybody, you know?
00:06:18.700 And I just yelled, I said, I think you forgot a side item.
00:06:24.320 And he turned back, man, and it was, it was crazy.
00:06:27.600 And the rain was coming and lightning, wow, wow, wow, wow, and he turned back and he goes,
00:06:36.180 no, it's in the bag, it's in the bag.
00:06:45.340 And I looked in there and it was in there and it was in there and, uh, and I, but when
00:06:54.580 I looked back up from the bag to like acknowledge to him that it was in there, he was gone.
00:06:59.000 And, um, man, it was just, it was a lot, you know, it was a lot and I, and then I'm sitting
00:07:11.440 in my apartment and I'm just wondering, do I call him back, you know, do I call him and
00:07:14.620 say, look, the side item was in there, but you forgot the silverware, bro, and the napkins,
00:07:23.620 you forgot that, you know?
00:07:26.660 But I just, I figured that he kind of said his piece and I'd said my piece and, and I'd
00:07:33.260 already given him a tip and we just, I figured I'd just let things be where they are and leave
00:07:37.520 it in God's hands.
00:07:39.860 But that's how, you know, it's just, people are starved for attention.
00:07:44.840 It's, um, it's interesting cause it's kind of like a time where, you know, on one level
00:07:52.960 it's like, and I'm talking about coronavirus.
00:07:54.660 So if some people don't know what's going on, there is a, there is a virus that is, it's
00:08:00.040 attacking people, senior citizens, um, a baby, uh, apparent Italians and Spanish people.
00:08:07.860 So those are the ones really taking an L right now, real heavily.
00:08:12.080 Um, they're basically the, the Minnesota Timberwolves or the golden state warriors of society right
00:08:18.980 now, you know, they're the ones having the, they're the ones at the, that are really at
00:08:23.000 the bottom.
00:08:24.740 So it's, um, I don't know what I'm talking about.
00:08:27.360 I feel nervous too.
00:08:31.200 My chest feels tight.
00:08:32.440 I feel nervous.
00:08:33.180 Why do I feel nervous?
00:08:36.960 Um, I don't know.
00:08:40.200 I think I've, I don't know.
00:08:43.040 I think I've felt nervous for a long time.
00:08:44.840 I feel like I'm going to mess up or something.
00:08:48.480 You know, I have to let myself know that I can't mess up.
00:08:51.560 Not that I can't, but that there is no messing up, you know, just be alive.
00:08:57.720 And just, you know, just, just, just, just, just, just chill out.
00:09:04.920 You know, there's no messing up.
00:09:08.080 You know, sometimes I'll, I guess, I don't know.
00:09:10.260 I'm just kind of feeling this, but I always feel like there's this thing, like, I'm going
00:09:13.620 to mess up.
00:09:14.220 I'm going to mess up.
00:09:15.020 I'm going to mess up.
00:09:16.920 And it just gets exhausting, man.
00:09:18.940 And it's, um, it's not even something I think a lot of times, just something I feel.
00:09:23.240 But, but I'm not going to mess up, you know, and you're not going to mess up.
00:09:31.080 I'm sure a lot of people out there right now kind of question what's going on with, you
00:09:35.320 know, I know a lot of people are worried about their jobs and worried about, uh, their finances
00:09:40.860 and worried about, um, what's going to happen to them.
00:09:46.220 But, you know, it's interesting because I think there's something that happens inside
00:09:53.020 of all of us, or anyway, there's something that happens inside of me during a time like
00:09:57.180 this, where there's a fear where it's like, okay, what, am I going to be okay?
00:10:01.660 What's going to happen to me?
00:10:03.340 What's going to happen?
00:10:05.340 You know, are, uh, are they going to, you know, is, um, are they going to stop allowing
00:10:11.260 people to do podcasts?
00:10:12.320 And is there ever going to be standup comedy with crowds again?
00:10:16.380 Uh, you know, those types of fear things will get into my head.
00:10:19.100 I'm not saying those are realistic.
00:10:20.380 I'm saying those are fears that will get into my head, but then also there's this other
00:10:25.540 garden inside of me that says, oh, um, how could I help?
00:10:32.600 You know, what can I do to help?
00:10:34.880 You know, do I have employees?
00:10:36.500 Are they worried about their jobs?
00:10:37.900 Can I communicate with them and say, Hey, um, you know, we're going to do everything we
00:10:43.360 can to, to stay, to make sure that, you know, that we, that we bear this together kind of,
00:10:52.820 you know, and that I don't just let you bear this by yourselves or, you know, what can you
00:10:57.480 do to call a family member?
00:10:58.780 Who's getting a thing about who might be worried about losing their job.
00:11:01.980 And you say, Hey, you know, you could come, you could come stay here.
00:11:05.520 You know, little Deandre could sleep in a refrigerator.
00:11:08.120 We'll leave the door open.
00:11:09.100 He could sleep in there at night.
00:11:10.620 We'll unplug it and then plug it back in during the day, you know, so that, so that the cold
00:11:16.080 air won't kill him at night and he can get a little bit of rest.
00:11:18.980 You know, you could share the bed with me and Victor, you know, or me and Horatio or me
00:11:24.440 and, uh, me and D, me and D or me and, uh, Denise.
00:11:28.760 And they call her D, you know, there's just like ways.
00:11:32.260 So it's, there's two gardens I think that go in me.
00:11:34.440 And one of them is like, uh, you know, one is a more of a garden of fear and one of the
00:11:38.860 more of it is a garden of hope.
00:11:41.140 And, you know, what, what, what are some joys I can embrace in this time?
00:11:44.240 I can, I can be, uh, I can be relaxed.
00:11:46.580 And I noticed I relax a little more.
00:11:49.080 Took a nap.
00:11:50.540 Oh, dang boy.
00:11:53.960 And I like them Napa naps, dude.
00:11:57.760 I like them.
00:11:58.420 Now I'm a real Napa dactyl.
00:12:02.520 You'll see me if I'm, I'm, I'm that Napa dactyl, but you see me fly through the air and
00:12:06.440 then just fall asleep and just coast right into the side of a damn hillside, right into
00:12:11.540 a mountain, right into a, um, uh, what is it with a things that die, that don't do well
00:12:17.840 in Oklahoma trailer park.
00:12:20.060 You see what I'm saying?
00:12:20.940 I'm that Napa dactyl boy.
00:12:22.320 I'm that two can't.
00:12:25.240 I'm a, I'm, they call me two can't Sam.
00:12:27.260 I'll be flying through the air, just beautiful colored.
00:12:30.160 And then I'll just doze off and just dive bomb into something.
00:12:35.840 You know, I'm that sleepy creeper boy.
00:12:40.160 I like to rest.
00:12:42.320 You know, it really resets me.
00:12:43.720 So this has been a nice time to have a little bit of rest.
00:12:47.080 You know, it says there's, there was something needed here, especially man in America.
00:12:50.680 They got us working or in the world, we were working to get this, they got this invisible
00:12:54.620 wheel going that I'm running on it.
00:12:57.440 I, for me, I felt like I'm, and I'm just realizing, oh man, what am I, what I'm trying to keep
00:13:03.680 up with something that's invisible.
00:13:04.800 You know, I mean, these are just things I'm thinking.
00:13:10.560 I don't know what I'm talking about.
00:13:11.540 I feel nervous today for some reason.
00:13:13.080 And I think also this, that this disease that's going on, this coronavirus is a, it, this is
00:13:24.200 really a city.
00:13:25.300 This is a city.
00:13:27.680 This is in the city.
00:13:28.820 You get a different experience.
00:13:31.660 You know, in the city you get, okay, we need you to stay away from each other because people
00:13:35.260 can run into each other.
00:13:36.280 People will touch each other.
00:13:37.400 No freeze tag, you know, they got a lot of gay men sometimes, I'll be honest, but in
00:13:43.040 the park by me, and this is, I'm not saying anything, you know, everybody's probably gay,
00:13:50.260 but I'm saying this, this is more drug induced homosexuality.
00:13:55.020 And you know what I'm talking about.
00:13:56.640 You know, you play, you know, you play in hoops, you know, nobody, you play hoops with six
00:14:04.380 or seven guys, nobody's gay.
00:14:06.420 You play pool with four or five guys, nobody's doing anything homosexual.
00:14:11.860 You know, you play marbles with three of your buddies, nobody's doing anything gay.
00:14:17.240 You throw 11 grams of meth into any one of those games, and the whole game ends with
00:14:25.500 people, you know what I'm saying, over time, it's just a bunch of gay male activity, and
00:14:31.520 that's because of the drugs.
00:14:34.520 Think about that.
00:14:37.280 Think about that, man.
00:14:39.760 You know, you throw nine grams of methamphetamines into an Easter, into an Easter egg hunt,
00:14:45.960 and that thing ends, bro, a lot of people, you know, a lot of young men, you know, getting
00:14:53.300 nude with each other, you know, balancing chocolate on each other's backs and everything,
00:14:58.220 so, but what else are we talking about?
00:15:02.740 I don't know why I feel so nervous, man.
00:15:07.100 I just feel, oh, I had a coffee, that could have been it.
00:15:11.640 I haven't had a coffee in probably three weeks.
00:15:14.420 I do have an announcement to make.
00:15:16.920 I am 23 days off of, no, I am 18 days off of cigarettes.
00:15:27.700 I was scared to tell people because I'm scared that if I tell them, then I'll start smoking
00:15:33.900 again.
00:15:36.460 You know, there's something, sometimes if I tell people what I'm doing, then I won't,
00:15:39.640 then I worry that I'll stop doing it, you know, or something I won't take care of myself
00:15:43.580 or whatever it is.
00:15:47.900 But yeah, man, it's really the one of the, it's one of, there's a lot of bright spots
00:15:51.980 in my life right now.
00:15:52.960 You know, when I think about it, I made a gratitude list.
00:16:02.940 Let me see.
00:16:04.680 I've been making them.
00:16:07.180 What is, and so, but one of the things I'm grateful for really right now is just that,
00:16:13.280 is that, that solitude from cigarettes, the space that I have from them right now.
00:16:17.240 Because I don't mind getting that little nick a hitter, baby, you know, I don't mind dousing
00:16:21.560 myself up with the devil's, you know, with the devil's garden, with those garden sticks,
00:16:30.980 bro, that's all it is, bro.
00:16:32.400 A cigarette is just a bunch of dirty salad rolled up into some paper, you know it.
00:16:37.200 But it's nice to, to be a little bit separate from them and get to feel my own vibe running
00:16:41.980 through my veins sometimes.
00:16:43.260 But what have I been doing, man?
00:16:46.620 I've been making gratitude lists in the morning right now to help me.
00:16:49.340 I'm trying to work on my gratitude.
00:16:51.800 And so that's one thing I've been doing.
00:16:56.140 Today I'm thankful I'm not alone.
00:16:57.760 I'm just reading a couple things from my list today.
00:17:00.540 I'm thankful there are people who love me that are just a phone call away.
00:17:04.560 Sometimes I forget that.
00:17:06.760 I feel like people don't love me, but they do.
00:17:08.720 They're just, I gotta make it, I have to meet the love halfway, you know.
00:17:13.260 Um, I'm thankful to be alive and to be amongst other things that live.
00:17:18.700 So that's one thing I'm thankful for.
00:17:21.180 And, um, I'm thankful I can read.
00:17:25.480 That's a gift, man.
00:17:26.620 Imagine that.
00:17:27.260 You can't read, bro.
00:17:29.260 You staring at a bunch of words and you don't know what it is.
00:17:31.680 You don't know if it's a little zoo.
00:17:33.780 You think it might be a zoo for letters.
00:17:35.660 That's, that's some people's reality, man.
00:17:41.700 But I'm thankful that I know how to decode them.
00:17:45.000 And that's called reading.
00:17:47.820 So, yeah, man.
00:17:50.480 What else is going on?
00:17:52.120 What am I, what have I been doing?
00:17:53.480 What's been happening?
00:17:54.400 I don't know this weekend.
00:17:55.880 Oh, I went on a hike yesterday.
00:17:57.660 I know a lot of people are gonna hate hearing that.
00:17:59.400 But there's hike in Los Angeles.
00:18:00.820 There's a lot of hiking.
00:18:02.540 So, went out to a solstice trail.
00:18:06.480 And, one thing that's nice when you get out on a hike, man.
00:18:10.480 I start to want to get lost, honestly.
00:18:12.900 You know, I'm a big Hansel and Gretel fan.
00:18:14.720 I'm a big Goldilocks fan.
00:18:16.460 You know, if you, if you, if you're out of town, when I was young, if you were out of town and had a couple of bags of instant oatmeal, I'll sleep in you.
00:18:25.060 I'll throw on a fucking yellow wig.
00:18:27.360 And I'll, I'll jimmy open the back door of y'all's complex.
00:18:31.380 I'll get in the bed.
00:18:33.460 You know, I'll have two packets of them instant cheddar cheese grits and get in the damn bed.
00:18:39.600 So, that's, you know, I got that little dirty girl inside of me that likes to live like that.
00:18:43.640 That, that little sleepover slumber slutski.
00:18:46.280 You feel me?
00:18:48.440 I'm not afraid to get into somebody else's bed, dude.
00:18:50.840 I really am not.
00:18:51.660 I never, you know, people used to do hide and go seek at my friend's house.
00:18:56.100 And the first place I'd go hide in somebody's bed, I'd get right up in the, in that bitch.
00:19:01.460 Sometimes they'd come in the room and they'd be like, damn, there's no way Theo's hiding in grandma's bed, you know.
00:19:08.380 And grandma's downstairs.
00:19:09.800 She's, you know, on the phone.
00:19:10.720 She's bitching at somebody because, uh, her, the Reader's Digest showed up and it was all soaking wet.
00:19:17.540 And I'd be laid up in there.
00:19:20.820 You know, I have a jaw full of damn maple brown sugar oatmeal instant.
00:19:25.420 And it's lights out, dude.
00:19:26.880 I'm that kind of, that's who I am.
00:19:29.980 You know, I'm that, I'm that risky.
00:19:31.640 I'm that brave sleeper.
00:19:34.040 I'm that, that nocturnal.
00:19:36.440 You know what I'm saying?
00:19:37.200 Man, I'll fall asleep with fucking oatmeal in my mouth, son.
00:19:40.040 Gang shit.
00:19:42.120 Gang shit, boy.
00:19:45.700 What am I talking about?
00:19:47.160 I don't know.
00:19:47.920 But sometimes that's what this is, man.
00:19:49.540 You know it.
00:19:50.060 I know it.
00:19:52.320 And I don't know it at the same time.
00:19:54.440 Uh, I want to let you guys know that, um, the, we had a live date coming up for the podcast
00:20:02.000 live in Los Angeles, part of Netflix, uh, festival.
00:20:05.560 And that is going to be moved to be decided date.
00:20:09.680 And the Nashville date, April 17th, um, that is probably going to be moved.
00:20:17.120 Like literally today, it's out of my control.
00:20:20.260 I said, let's do it.
00:20:21.800 You know, I said, I'll do a hologram.
00:20:23.580 I'll do a damn diorama and we'll pass that thing around.
00:20:26.660 You know, we'll mail it to each person's house individually.
00:20:30.500 Okay.
00:20:30.900 You know what I'm saying?
00:20:31.560 Get another postage.
00:20:34.160 That's all you need.
00:20:36.500 We'll take a, for everybody who, who bought a ticket, we'll, we got their address.
00:20:40.480 We'll do postage and damn, bam, hit them with it.
00:20:44.420 They get that diorama with a little audio box next to it.
00:20:48.340 You press the play, you look in the hole, bam, daddy's there.
00:20:53.540 But that's not how they want to do it.
00:20:56.280 You know, they say they want to move the date at the Ryman auditorium there in Nashville.
00:21:03.160 And, um, and so that's, looks like it's going to happen.
00:21:07.400 Uh, there will be refunds or whatever's the scenario and, um, uh, the point of contact.
00:21:15.800 They will let you know that the point of place you purchased your ticket.
00:21:19.200 So I'm sorry about that.
00:21:20.920 It's not me.
00:21:21.860 I told him, I said, I'll drive, I'll drive through everybody's yard and yell out a couple of riddles.
00:21:27.700 That's what I told him.
00:21:29.560 I'll put Ari Maness in the trunk of my car, have him pop out, do two or three minutes at each person's house.
00:21:34.860 And we out, son.
00:21:38.740 We're that roving jokester.
00:21:42.360 But that's not what they want to do.
00:21:43.860 So those are the tour dates right now.
00:21:48.600 That's what's going on with that.
00:21:50.360 Uh, I'm, man, I'm so glad I came in here today and I'm so glad that you're here.
00:21:55.940 Um, and man, I'm, you know what?
00:21:59.260 I'm just really thankful for this music, right?
00:22:01.060 When I came in, somebody sent me a text message.
00:22:03.180 They said, James Blake is playing on, on live.
00:22:05.940 And I went there and, uh, starry, starry night.
00:22:11.700 Man, if you, if you really, you know, sometimes I need other things to get me into a vibe.
00:22:20.160 And I'll do music.
00:22:21.800 I'll watch those videos where, you know, they surprise, the military dad surprises his kid at school.
00:22:28.540 Oh, Jesus, man.
00:22:31.320 That shit had me leaking, bro.
00:22:35.620 Leaking.
00:22:36.120 Dude, I was watching him at breakfast one time.
00:22:37.760 I'd eaten half the milk out of my cereal bowl.
00:22:40.340 Dude, I cried so much.
00:22:41.500 The milk was back up to the top.
00:22:43.440 It was skimmed by then, but that shit was up.
00:22:47.460 That shit was suddenly, my honeycombs was in the deep end again, you know?
00:22:51.560 Um, man, I'm just grateful to have a perception that's, that's feeling okay right now.
00:23:00.700 That I'm not in fear.
00:23:03.260 Because there's a lot of people that want to help each other.
00:23:05.300 There's a lot of people that want to be there for each other.
00:23:07.900 Um, and, uh, and those are the people I think we're going to see the most during this troubled time.
00:23:15.060 Um, you know, it made me like, it's so funny because when you see somebody in person now, you really want to see them.
00:23:23.040 You're like, oh, what's up?
00:23:25.700 What's going on?
00:23:27.460 You know, they got on my street, they got a mental fella.
00:23:30.340 And this dude is really, I'd say he's 5% mental, 95% physical.
00:23:37.100 You know, he wear it like, you don't really have a lot of body definition.
00:23:40.000 And he, um, he walks a dog, you know, when he's out there and you can't really talk to him.
00:23:45.300 He's definitely, he's here physically, but he's not really here.
00:23:51.040 Like mentally and emotionally.
00:23:53.840 You know, he's like the opposite of a hologram, basically.
00:23:57.020 Like a hologram, you get all the vibe of them, but they had to make the rest of it.
00:24:02.020 This dude is, you got the rest of it, but the vibe is just, is a vortex, you know?
00:24:09.100 And, uh, but when I saw him yesterday, I pulled up.
00:24:14.060 I said, what's up?
00:24:14.860 What's up?
00:24:17.440 You know, what's up, baby boy?
00:24:20.840 What's up, boy?
00:24:22.540 Hit that horn.
00:24:23.980 And he fucking got a little bit scared, but then he kind of calmed down.
00:24:29.560 And he kind of looked at me for a while.
00:24:31.400 And for him, that's really a big step.
00:24:32.920 I noticed because he doesn't look at people very much.
00:24:35.740 He really, he just walks his dog and kind of, kind of seems scared.
00:24:43.020 You know, he's kind of like a boo Radley, like a, like a thicker kind of boo Radley, like
00:24:47.480 kind of a honey boo, boo Radley.
00:24:51.700 And, um, but anyway, nice to see his ass.
00:24:54.880 And I just felt more like, okay, here's a human.
00:24:57.680 This is a human.
00:24:58.540 We forget.
00:24:59.120 And this is all city stuff.
00:25:02.140 I'm talking from a city perspective.
00:25:03.620 I live in a city.
00:25:05.260 In a rural area, man, I think this shit is just pretty chill.
00:25:09.620 This is just the devil playing hiding.
00:25:11.320 Uh, this is just the devil playing freeze tag with a lot of seniors.
00:25:16.740 So.
00:25:20.200 So that's what's up, man.
00:25:21.760 Um, had me a little drink right there, a little hit of something, but yeah, what else
00:25:35.600 is going on?
00:25:36.120 I am purchasing a weapon.
00:25:37.820 I got a gun on the way.
00:25:40.300 Everybody knows I got that six gauge and I got me a, um, I think it's like a sharpshooter
00:25:46.900 V7, uh, Z71 or something double barrel pretty much.
00:25:53.700 And I think it's even, well, I got one of the ones you load, you load from the front.
00:25:59.000 So, you know, somebody going to pay the piper if they come piping.
00:26:07.120 Um, but anyway, yeah, you got, sometimes you, I'll say get a, do have a weapon, do have
00:26:13.980 something to take care of yourself.
00:26:14.940 It could be anything.
00:26:15.660 Now you don't have to have a gun.
00:26:17.840 You don't have to have a cannon, you know, you wheel that bitch out onto the porch and
00:26:21.700 light it and you don't set any, uh, stockades behind it or bricks up under the back tires
00:26:27.400 and that bitch just, uh, the recoil blows right into your damn living room, you know,
00:26:33.440 send your, send your cousin straight to heaven.
00:26:37.100 You gotta, you know what I'm saying?
00:26:38.480 You can, the weapon could be anything.
00:26:39.920 You do a bow and arrow, you do a trip wire, you know, you do that.
00:26:45.660 Gay wombat where you hang them from the bottom of a tree when somebody comes by, glitter them
00:26:50.820 right in the face, bro.
00:26:51.820 And then tickle them until they admit that they might be interested in men, bro, even if there's no drugs.
00:26:58.080 So you gotta recognize that everybody has a different type of weapon that they can get, but I'm not saying run around with a weapon, but I'm saying, I'm saying it's never a bad idea.
00:27:14.660 I don't think to have the opportunity to protect yourself if you're in an area that needs protection.
00:27:22.260 You know, if you live next to a Domino's pizza, you're probably going to be fine.
00:27:25.580 Because when pizza's around, everybody seems pretty calm.
00:27:31.620 So, but yeah, it's hard, tough time to get some things, you know, you know, it's a tough time to get to, um, you know, a 12 of eggs if you want it or get you a jar of milk or a pack of, uh, booty Kleenex.
00:27:47.620 But the hardest thing to get ahold of right now is a senior citizen for real.
00:27:54.620 They got them locked up right now.
00:27:56.860 Okay.
00:27:57.400 If you want a senior citizen, guess what?
00:27:59.980 You can barely get one.
00:28:02.080 I'm serious.
00:28:03.200 Try and find a senior citizen.
00:28:05.460 Try and play a game of hide and go senior citizen.
00:28:08.740 Dude, you're going to end up with nothing.
00:28:11.840 You want a graham cracker?
00:28:13.540 Great.
00:28:13.880 You want a grandmother?
00:28:15.420 Fat chance.
00:28:16.340 Lil' Randall.
00:28:17.840 I mean, you got to go to the dark web, really.
00:28:19.900 You got to go to a dark alley.
00:28:21.820 You'll see somebody in the distance being like, hey, man, you know where I could get a...
00:28:26.620 You know where I could get an Ethel or Shirley, a Betty, a Joyce, a Henry, a Howard, a Harold, a Royce.
00:28:39.640 Not a Meemaw, a Mimi, a Grampy, a Pop Pop.
00:28:45.020 Your search for an Abuelito must stop.
00:28:50.200 It's true.
00:28:50.760 You want a recipe?
00:28:53.640 You want an old story?
00:28:55.440 Huh?
00:28:56.300 You want a black and white picture of somebody dressed up like they're in the military from a long time ago?
00:29:03.120 Fat chance.
00:29:04.500 You want a ceramic frog that's part of a larger collection?
00:29:07.880 Well, how are you going to get it?
00:29:11.060 You want somebody to pull a fake quarter from behind your ear?
00:29:15.060 Not right now, bucko.
00:29:17.100 You can't find a senior citizen right now.
00:29:20.120 You can't find one.
00:29:21.940 You want a musty smell during a hug?
00:29:25.700 Huh?
00:29:26.060 You want a replica teacup from the Titanic?
00:29:29.940 Autographed by Abraham Lincoln's cousin, bro?
00:29:33.380 Fat chance.
00:29:35.720 I'm just saying, the hardest thing to come across right now is that SC, baby.
00:29:43.060 That senior citizen, bro.
00:29:47.140 Come on, man.
00:29:48.440 Come on.
00:29:50.240 You go.
00:29:50.720 Hey, man.
00:29:51.340 Who you got in there?
00:29:52.880 We ain't got no bodies here, man.
00:29:55.440 No, we ain't got no Ethels, man.
00:29:57.220 We ain't got no Mr. Harold's.
00:29:59.460 We ain't got no Hank Sr.
00:30:02.740 We ain't.
00:30:03.320 Nah, man.
00:30:05.420 We don't have.
00:30:06.180 Oh, no.
00:30:06.680 We don't have any Gertrude in here.
00:30:08.300 You got the wrong place, buddy.
00:30:10.200 Get to stepping.
00:30:11.680 But I saw a walker parked in the front yard.
00:30:14.280 That's nothing, man.
00:30:16.180 That's nothing.
00:30:17.480 Times have changed, buddy.
00:30:19.280 You want to hear a fable?
00:30:21.540 You want to hear somebody talk about Audrey Hepburn?
00:30:25.100 Not today.
00:30:26.720 Not today, son.
00:30:28.900 You want to see an adult that only eats real soft food out of a blender?
00:30:34.200 Not today, bucko.
00:30:36.400 You want to see somebody that makes a lot of noise when they put their pants on, bro?
00:30:42.880 You want to see somebody that could take a nap, dude?
00:30:45.760 For no reason at all?
00:30:47.180 Not today, buddy.
00:30:49.920 You want an eight ball?
00:30:51.240 That's easy.
00:30:51.880 You want an 88-year-old male?
00:30:55.680 I don't think so, son.
00:30:58.300 Keep it moving.
00:30:59.840 It's just a tough time to get a senior.
00:31:02.880 That's what I'm saying, man.
00:31:03.960 And we got to keep them safe, man.
00:31:05.820 And it's kind of nice, isn't it?
00:31:07.660 It's kind of nice that seniors suddenly are the gold.
00:31:14.140 They're the gold, man.
00:31:16.600 They're the diamond.
00:31:18.280 You got to protect them.
00:31:20.700 Doesn't it feel good to want to protect your family?
00:31:24.700 Doesn't it feel good to check them with your grandparent, let them know?
00:31:27.820 Hey, I got you.
00:31:31.320 You know?
00:31:31.640 I still don't, I can't come visit you now.
00:31:34.020 At least a lot of people, I can't come visit you now because, well, you know, it's an excuse at least.
00:31:40.120 I haven't visited you for four years, but I still can't come.
00:31:44.060 So, but I love you.
00:31:45.740 And that's all they want a lot of times, seniors, they want a call from you.
00:31:52.420 I got to let you know today's episode and support for this past weekend comes from Manscaped.
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00:32:32.780 I put a little polish on them and stuff at night.
00:32:34.620 A little soft polish, bro.
00:32:35.940 You know what I'm saying?
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00:32:42.020 I put two, you know, two dabs of that.
00:32:45.620 And some tan polish on them sometimes.
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00:35:34.560 We had some beautiful calls that came in.
00:35:35.980 Let's get into a few of them.
00:35:37.160 We had that intro sent in by Tiny Sandhu.
00:35:39.340 I'm hot off of those James Blake riffs.
00:35:42.460 If you need something to open up your heart in this time, man.
00:35:45.320 Those James Blake riffs really do do it for me.
00:35:50.560 It's just like somebody...
00:35:52.900 I can't even explain it, man.
00:35:55.420 Some people are instruments on the earth that God uses or whatever higher power you believe in uses.
00:36:01.300 And that man has one of those instruments within him.
00:36:03.760 Let's take some calls.
00:36:05.220 Here we go.
00:36:06.720 Yo, Tio.
00:36:07.640 This is Jasmine.
00:36:08.600 Just wanted to call and tell you happy birthday, man.
00:36:11.280 Oh, thank you, Jasmine.
00:36:12.900 I appreciate that, man.
00:36:14.780 Yeah, I'm getting to be an adult, brother.
00:36:17.860 I'm getting to be an adult.
00:36:19.060 And that's sweet of you to make that message, man.
00:36:21.020 And yeah, dude.
00:36:22.940 Jasmine, that's a beautiful name.
00:36:24.300 That's a unique name.
00:36:25.260 That's a name of a rice as well.
00:36:28.800 Jasmine Rice and that's...
00:36:30.400 Or a mixed girl, even.
00:36:32.600 So that's, you know, a couple of beautiful creations right there.
00:36:36.780 Homeward?
00:36:37.660 It's a big day.
00:36:39.020 And I also had a question for you, man.
00:36:41.220 So with this coronavirus going around, we're all quarantined, man.
00:36:45.700 So how are you keeping...
00:36:47.200 How are you staying fit?
00:36:48.500 Does your personal trainer give you any workouts to keep that booty thick?
00:36:54.380 Damn.
00:36:54.820 Or is there some secrets you're holding for me?
00:36:58.040 I'm trying to find out, man.
00:37:00.140 I don't want to get small.
00:37:01.660 Help me out.
00:37:03.200 Oh, man.
00:37:03.920 I'm doing...
00:37:04.500 Look, I got a...
00:37:05.520 The trainer I was seeing, I'm still seeing her on the DL.
00:37:09.200 And she...
00:37:09.760 You know, they got a little training speakeasy going on.
00:37:11.980 They got the windows boarded up, but you slip in through the side.
00:37:14.840 And next thing you know, you kettlebelling.
00:37:17.840 You know, next thing you know, you drinking some...
00:37:20.780 You know, they got a water machine and you getting water and struggling in between the water times.
00:37:26.320 You're allowed to drink.
00:37:28.040 And it's beautiful, man.
00:37:30.500 So I'm doing that.
00:37:31.400 I'm taking this week off, I believe, to focus on yoga and rolling out my body.
00:37:36.060 You know, I really want to take advantage of my physical body while I still can, while I still have this vessel.
00:37:40.720 You know, I want to be able to do everything I can physically still.
00:37:45.860 So I'm trying to stay active and fit.
00:37:50.020 I've been running two and a quarter miles.
00:37:52.400 Two and a quarter stars.
00:37:54.180 I've been running two and a quarter miles.
00:37:56.660 And getting that big two quarter in.
00:37:59.540 And focusing on some yoga and rolling my body out.
00:38:04.460 I'm that tight white, bro.
00:38:05.680 My body gets real conjoined during the center.
00:38:09.140 You know, I'm built like a damn gingerbread man.
00:38:11.520 So, I'm sweet, but I'm, you know, it's hard to get the arms and legs.
00:38:16.320 You can't do a lot of stuff.
00:38:18.580 You know what I'm saying?
00:38:19.500 I've always had limited reach, limited lookability in my neck.
00:38:23.160 If I hear something behind me, I don't even give a fuck anymore.
00:38:27.540 That's where I'm at.
00:38:29.160 With my dexterity.
00:38:32.080 So, I used to be that owl.
00:38:34.540 You know, I'd spin, I'd fucking spin around.
00:38:36.860 I'd do, they used to call me Tony Hawk of the damn upper vertebrates.
00:38:40.920 I'd do a 760 on the damn, just being curious with something behind me.
00:38:47.460 But that's changed, man.
00:38:49.340 So, I'm staying a little bit busy with training, man.
00:38:51.320 I appreciate you asking, though, and I appreciate you thinking about me
00:38:53.960 and asking about my birthday, man.
00:38:55.820 I'm happy to be alive, and I'm happy that I was born.
00:39:00.480 You know, I'm happy that my mother had me, and I'm happy that my father had me.
00:39:06.340 You know, I have a lot of gifts in my life.
00:39:08.200 I'm happy that I can feed myself today.
00:39:10.520 I'm happy that, you know, that I have a roof over my head.
00:39:14.840 You know, and I know I'm just saying things that are pretty normal,
00:39:20.540 but I'm trying to really get these things in my life where I feel them inside of myself.
00:39:24.560 So, I'm trying to work on them every day right now and really have some gratitude.
00:39:30.640 And I'm, you know, I'm happy that I'm able to love people and I'm able to feel love.
00:39:36.260 You know, it's real hard for me sometimes to do that.
00:39:38.620 But, man, I don't know why I'm so nervous today.
00:39:44.960 It could have been that coffee.
00:39:49.720 But what a gift, man.
00:39:51.640 What a little, you know, some little gifts.
00:39:53.220 I'm happy that I have brothers and sisters that I know that love me, you know.
00:39:55.980 And just that I have the ability to care about people.
00:40:00.980 What a crazy gift that is inside of us.
00:40:04.700 Like, what if we just saw people and, you know, animals are beautiful,
00:40:07.740 but I don't know if they can love each other.
00:40:10.560 I saw two fucking ravens beating the shit out of each other earlier
00:40:13.740 by a band and pumpkin patch over there off the 170.
00:40:17.780 So, I'm just saying that we got some beautiful gifts.
00:40:24.340 Let's take some more calls, man, gang.
00:40:27.000 What up, Theo, Nick?
00:40:29.140 Man, just wanted to say, you know, thank you.
00:40:31.120 What's up, Nick?
00:40:31.800 Thank you for calling, man.
00:40:32.660 I appreciate that.
00:40:34.140 And that's a unique name to have, Nick.
00:40:36.680 You know, we got our producer, Premature Nick,
00:40:38.840 and he's really doing well for somebody that, I mean, he's always been a little skid.
00:40:43.080 He came out the, you know, that dude came out the womb early as hell.
00:40:46.180 And he had on the damn cummerbund when he showed up.
00:40:48.720 That dude was ready to rock.
00:40:50.860 You know, he got into the world early.
00:40:52.300 So, he's always, you know, he's the first to draw that pistol, man.
00:40:56.020 And it's just people playing Simon Says.
00:40:58.020 So, it's, you know, he has some risky hand, you know, some brain hand movements.
00:41:02.960 But he's one of a kind.
00:41:04.760 And anyway, Onward.
00:41:06.780 Thanks for being you, man, and being positive.
00:41:13.940 I'm trying, man.
00:41:14.920 Oh, I'm trying, bro.
00:41:18.540 We're all trying, man.
00:41:19.940 But it's the only thing that's going to help us.
00:41:22.440 It's the only thing that's good.
00:41:24.640 You know?
00:41:25.340 It's the only thing that's good.
00:41:26.460 Thank you for calling.
00:41:27.140 What else?
00:41:29.320 Being funny.
00:41:31.420 You know, I'm the funny guy here in my town where I live and among my family and friends and everything.
00:41:36.740 Oh, well, then you could have had my job, man.
00:41:40.480 Because you just got to be that and then you got to go take it out of town.
00:41:43.980 That's all it is, man.
00:41:45.100 So, we probably are very similar.
00:41:47.500 Let's hear more.
00:41:48.520 And I know the heavy burden.
00:41:51.400 And, you know, there's a lot going on out there in the world today.
00:41:55.880 And it's scary and I've got two kids, one with asthma.
00:42:05.140 Hmm.
00:42:05.600 And, uh, I worry about it.
00:42:18.240 His name is Rogan.
00:42:19.540 I named him after, uh, Joe, believe it or not.
00:42:23.960 Uh, man, thanks.
00:42:30.020 I can listen to you and block it all out.
00:42:40.080 Gang, bruh.
00:42:43.940 Well, thank you, man.
00:42:45.160 That's sweet of you to say that to me, man.
00:42:46.660 Uh, you know, and it's, I'm just the, I'm just part of this group and, um, but yeah, I could imagine if you have a son, you know, and you have a child who's dependent upon you and,
00:43:00.020 and there's something in the air that, you know, you can't control, you know, the feeling of that, um, kind of the helplessness of it, I bet is really, really tough to, to have on your chest and have on your heart a lot of times.
00:43:15.360 So, thank you for sharing that with us, man.
00:43:17.300 I know it really puts it in perspective for me a little bit.
00:43:21.580 Uh, yeah, this is, and it's such a crazy thing just to think we breathe something in or we take it in.
00:43:30.020 You know, you know, and here you created this, you know, young creature, this beautiful little fella, this little Rogan, and you got him running around and he gots that asthma, bruh.
00:43:40.740 He's got them damp lungs.
00:43:41.980 That's what it is.
00:43:43.800 And we know what you could, you know, you Google it right now.
00:43:46.880 You see a picture of a lung with a little bit of, uh, you know, the, the condenser isn't working on it.
00:43:53.020 But, um, but, but it sounds like, you know, if you have a sense of humor, man, I bet that's something nice for him to have around.
00:44:05.940 Because even a wet lung can damn laugh, you know.
00:44:11.100 We used to have a buddy growing up and he would leak out of the sides of his mouth, this boy Summerall.
00:44:16.040 And Jesus, man, he, what the hell was going on with him?
00:44:20.040 But, um, but, uh, he had like kind of, I guess, asthma in his tongue or something.
00:44:26.540 Um, you know, he had that, or he was just like a damn, uh, he was much more like a damn, what's that?
00:44:37.460 Let me Google this dog that, dog that, uh, slobbers a lot.
00:44:48.340 He had that damn, uh, the internet is slow, huh?
00:44:54.580 Now that's something.
00:44:56.340 They got about at least Corvid 6 in this damn internet.
00:44:59.680 Yeah, I don't know, this dude, he, you know, he, he was like one of them show dogs and mountain dogs.
00:45:04.540 Them water faces, man.
00:45:05.980 Like a water marauder.
00:45:07.240 You know what I'm saying?
00:45:07.880 Just dripping out the front.
00:45:09.580 Like somebody left the faucet on, man, this boy Summerall.
00:45:12.680 And, uh, and he's alive and doing well, man, is what I'm trying to say.
00:45:17.200 And, so I'm sure just having, you having a sense of humor, it brings a, brings a lot of light into your son's life, man.
00:45:24.160 And, and him having that light and energy in him, that's going to keep him, that's going to keep him so much healthier than anything else I bet you could ever imagine.
00:45:31.720 You know, I know there's people, uh, for myself, man, even just listening to the music today.
00:45:36.460 From that artist, man, before I started this podcast today, I, I was more nervous, I don't know what I'm nervous about.
00:45:44.280 Just anxiety, there's stuff in the air, I don't know.
00:45:47.420 But, man, I heard that music and it just changed my heart.
00:45:49.800 It changed my brain.
00:45:51.060 And, and it just, so, you know, those are the instruments that I think God uses, man, you know, or higher power, Buddha, whatever, whatever kind of God you're running on, you know.
00:46:03.860 Um, God Almighty, whatever, Jim Carrey, whatever, whoever, you know, whoever's torquing your, uh, engine.
00:46:13.660 But, but yeah, man, I bet having a dad like you is definitely helping keeping, uh, keeping the water out of his lungs, man.
00:46:21.580 So you guys stay, stay dry over there and just keep it classy, man.
00:46:26.040 Everything's going to be fine.
00:46:27.380 And thanks for sharing, uh, some sentiment with us, man.
00:46:30.080 That, that goes a long way.
00:46:32.280 You know, just reminding, it just puts me in a place where, you know, when I'm reminded of humanity or something that makes me feel, it like, it's almost like, uh, it's like my feelings, my body just gets set onto a thing, like a bed or something.
00:46:47.440 I just feel calm.
00:46:49.040 So thank you, brother.
00:46:50.020 Let's get a call right here that came in.
00:46:52.120 985-664-9503 is the hotline.
00:46:55.960 And I'd love to know for next week, what are things that are affecting you guys with the virus?
00:46:59.720 Like, what do you, what are your thoughts?
00:47:01.540 You know, what are your fears?
00:47:02.760 Are you scared?
00:47:03.580 Are you doing okay?
00:47:05.680 You know, what are your, what are the thoughts of, of, of, of people in America?
00:47:10.080 What are you thinking?
00:47:10.860 What are you, you know, I know the news gives us a lot of information and too much information sometimes.
00:47:16.260 And sometimes very, you know, information that's not really for us.
00:47:22.740 You know, it's, it has a different purpose, uh, fear tactical, but I know there's a lot of factual stuff out there as well.
00:47:29.760 And I know it is a time where we have to take care of ourselves.
00:47:33.520 Um, and what's going on with you?
00:47:35.280 Let me know, man.
00:47:36.020 Leave a voicemail and, uh, we're going to get into that next week.
00:47:39.020 Here we go.
00:47:39.800 Hey Theo, big fan of you, big fan of the podcast, uh, you know, with everything going on in the world right now, especially in the country with coronavirus, I thought maybe, you know, to lighten the mood, I would write a little song, uh, you know, plain white teeth, Hey There Delilah, the song, um, I wrote a parody to that.
00:48:00.720 So I changed the lyrics and made it my own.
00:48:02.620 It's called Hey There Corona.
00:48:03.740 I'm going to sing it for you a cappella.
00:48:05.260 Okay, so, okay, we got a, we got a little canary right here, this fella, and he said, um, he's going to do it for us.
00:48:14.300 He's going to do a song for us.
00:48:16.080 So thank you, buddy.
00:48:17.860 Thank you, buddy, buddy.
00:48:19.780 And you got this song.
00:48:20.900 You got that hitter stuck in your throat.
00:48:22.320 He's about to serve it.
00:48:23.760 From Hey There Delilah to Hey There Corona.
00:48:27.240 Let's hear that hit.
00:48:28.440 I don't have the greatest voice, but I did drink honey tea recently, and I've had a couple of us potato chips to soften the old esophage.
00:48:34.460 Okay, so he had a couple of honey teas, and he had a sausage.
00:48:38.560 So, yeah, a sausage that greased sometime will, uh, that'll sweeten your pipe, bro.
00:48:43.340 You know what I'm saying?
00:48:44.180 That'll let a, that'll fucking, you'll, you'll have a, just a C, a C, uh, a C flat just fly out of your throat on accident.
00:48:52.200 You know, you'll be talking to somebody and just, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.
00:48:55.240 Let's hear it, gang.
00:48:56.760 Here we go.
00:48:57.300 Hey There Corona Heard, it's bad in New York City.
00:49:04.420 First you got Tom Hanks and Rita.
00:49:06.860 Don't you dare go for P. Diddy.
00:49:09.220 That'd be cruel.
00:49:10.920 Now the kid's got two weeks off of school.
00:49:13.860 Two weeks, this year, they gave him two years now, I think.
00:49:17.000 Dude, they got one kid, he's, one, I saw an eight-year-old, he said he's never fucking going to school.
00:49:21.460 He told me, he told me to go fuck myself, and he misspelled fuck, he wrote it down, so.
00:49:26.200 He really needs the education is the saddest part.
00:49:28.740 Onward.
00:49:29.280 That ain't cool.
00:49:31.000 Hey there Corona, you ain't nothing but a virus.
00:49:34.760 Your name makes me want a cold one.
00:49:37.220 But we don't want you inside us, not at all.
00:49:41.240 And now we can't go to the mall till next fall.
00:49:44.860 Oh, you've got us quarantined, oh, you've got us quarantined.
00:49:52.020 Oh, you've got us quarantined, oh, you've got us quarantined.
00:49:58.380 A couple weeks seems pretty bad to be cooped up with mom and dad.
00:50:02.480 We're running out of TP as we speak.
00:50:06.160 Corona, I can promise you this wasn't like the Spanish flu, but my social life will never be the same.
00:50:13.020 That's true.
00:50:14.120 People shutting their crotches down around this time.
00:50:16.200 You can't even get somebody to show you their body.
00:50:20.280 Onward.
00:50:21.300 And you're the blame.
00:50:24.320 Hey there Corona, once we finally get past this, we can go back to our lives and we can start to wipe our asses like we do.
00:50:34.460 All of this has been because of you.
00:50:37.440 But I know we're going to make it through.
00:50:40.520 Hey there Corona, here's to you.
00:50:42.500 Oh, this one's for you.
00:50:45.300 Oh, you've got us quarantined, oh, you've got us quarantined.
00:50:51.820 Oh, you've got us quarantined, oh, you've got us quarantined.
00:50:58.200 Fucking got us quarantined.
00:51:02.240 Stay safe out there.
00:51:04.180 Gang, man, thank you, brother.
00:51:06.380 Look at you just serving that thing, bro.
00:51:08.640 That dirty canary just landed on your leg with a broken wing.
00:51:13.320 And you tickle him and he spits up that hit, bro.
00:51:16.540 That's beautiful.
00:51:17.300 Praise God, daddy.
00:51:19.020 There you go.
00:51:19.780 Hey there Corona.
00:51:21.220 And hey there Delilah.
00:51:22.280 I think, what is that, Beck originally?
00:51:24.180 I think that might be a Beck hit if you listen to music or not.
00:51:28.160 All right, let's take one more call right here.
00:51:31.140 And we've got a lot of great ones coming up over the next couple of episodes.
00:51:34.440 And we've got big baby Glenn Davis coming in here.
00:51:38.300 And I'm real curious to see what's going on with that gentleman.
00:51:42.800 And he's from, he went to play basketball down there in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
00:51:46.800 And he's a big man and I've always been a regular man.
00:51:50.960 So just to, you know, to have the, you know, like if him, he looks at a ski, he looks at skiing
00:51:56.480 and he thinks, oh, I could probably, I could let people do that on my back if I wanted.
00:52:01.520 But me, I don't look at it like that.
00:52:03.200 I look at it as something that's hard to do.
00:52:07.340 Okay, let's take another call that came in right here.
00:52:09.380 Homeward.
00:52:09.940 Hi Theo and Nick.
00:52:11.520 This is Aunt Vic and Grandma calling from Central Illinois.
00:52:16.060 We didn't know if you had run out of soap and fragrance.
00:52:20.700 Oh yeah.
00:52:22.180 And if you did, we might need to send you some more.
00:52:25.520 Thanks, bye.
00:52:26.760 What's up, Aunt Vicky and Grandma out of Central Illinois, huh?
00:52:31.200 Yeah, you guys sent us a lot of beautiful hair lotion and different body potion, underarm scents.
00:52:40.580 Thank you very much.
00:52:42.120 I'm still using a lot of the lotion.
00:52:43.860 I'm still using the hair polish.
00:52:45.560 I'm still using, what else?
00:52:48.400 A lot of that sandalwood scented body sauce or something.
00:52:59.380 You know?
00:53:00.600 Fuma.
00:53:01.200 What is it called?
00:53:02.060 Fuma?
00:53:02.620 Fumer?
00:53:04.180 Cologne.
00:53:05.540 So thank you so much for that.
00:53:07.100 No, I still got about another probably 240 ounces of cologne to go through.
00:53:11.200 So, I mean, my neighbors are pissed, dude.
00:53:13.700 I fucking sprayed the whole carpet with it.
00:53:15.900 So I'm good right now on that.
00:53:17.780 Um, no, but that's sweet of you.
00:53:21.700 That's sweet of you to think of me.
00:53:24.280 You know, that's sweet of you just to think of anything.
00:53:28.400 You know, and to call in and think about me right now and how I'm smelling and how my body, my skin is doing.
00:53:34.980 Um, you know, that's thoughtful of you.
00:53:38.860 So thank you.
00:53:40.100 You know, I have some, some of the stuff I have too much of it even.
00:53:42.860 So, um, maybe I'll give some to the king and the sting guys and girls over there.
00:53:48.600 Uh, but no, that's so sweet of you.
00:53:50.860 I don't know if I even got to call you and thank you for that.
00:53:53.080 I know we talked about it on the, um, the anthrax challenge.
00:53:59.260 But, but we're actually, we're going to do another anthrax challenge.
00:54:01.720 I got some birthday gifts that have come in here from different people.
00:54:03.860 And thank you so much.
00:54:05.660 Uh, and I just think it's a good time to get this.
00:54:10.320 Just a nice thought.
00:54:11.100 Like, who can I call now and think, okay, who can I help?
00:54:13.740 What can I do for somebody?
00:54:14.900 How can I be of assistance?
00:54:18.240 You know, what can I do?
00:54:19.180 What do I have that somebody else might need?
00:54:20.980 Um, you know, maybe I got an extra hundred dollars.
00:54:24.300 What is it doing for me?
00:54:27.080 You know, if I know somebody's losing their job.
00:54:31.460 Um, it's kind of funny because suddenly like money is, you know, and, and look, I'm fortunate enough.
00:54:37.880 I have enough money to get me through the month, you know?
00:54:40.860 Um, but it's funny, like, suddenly it's like having stuff seems greedy more so than ever a little bit if you know that other people aren't going to have stuff.
00:54:58.320 Um, so yeah, what a time for us to really get inside of ourselves and call others, you know, call a young fella, you know, or a young woman and say, hey, how can I, you know, let me mail you a thing of soap.
00:55:16.060 Let me, you know, let me send you a thing of, uh, apple cider.
00:55:21.420 You know what I'm saying?
00:55:22.280 Let me email you a, uh, you know, or let me, you know, let me, uh, overnight you a couple grams of Tillamook cheddar or something.
00:55:33.520 Let me do something.
00:55:34.360 Let me fucking cut you off a little half a handful of summer sausage over there.
00:55:38.160 You fill your palm up, you know, grease your palm with actual grease meat.
00:55:42.160 Let me, let me do something for you.
00:55:46.120 Let me give, you know, let me give you, let me, let me give you a bag full of, uh, you know, lime slices.
00:55:52.680 Do something for somebody.
00:55:53.780 Here's a cut of lime, bro.
00:55:56.360 You know, let me brush your teeth for you.
00:55:58.080 Come over here.
00:55:58.660 Let me brush your teeth for you.
00:56:00.060 You relax.
00:56:02.580 You know, it's that time of year where it's that, it's that time of life.
00:56:08.360 You know, it's interesting.
00:56:10.320 It's interesting that we're in this time right now and this is an opportunity for us to think about, yeah, how can I help this person?
00:56:16.220 What can I do?
00:56:17.240 Something little.
00:56:18.680 And it's not like, hey, here, I'm giving you something.
00:56:20.580 It's just, hey, how are you doing?
00:56:22.060 What's going on?
00:56:24.820 You know, and also to be brave enough for us to let other people know if we are struggling and if we're scared.
00:56:31.920 You know, that's hard for me to do a lot of times.
00:56:33.920 I have a tough time when it comes to the communication of if I'm scared.
00:56:41.560 You know, or like I just yesterday, I was wondering like, man, I wonder what my mom is feeling like.
00:56:46.780 Has she been scared?
00:56:48.040 Would she tell me if she was?
00:56:51.940 You know, because seniors, man, that's the hidden.
00:56:53.980 And that's the real.
00:56:58.760 We got to hide them, bro.
00:57:01.120 Put your granddaddy in a safe, dude.
00:57:02.960 You know what I'm saying?
00:57:05.220 You know what I'm saying?
00:57:06.140 Set Meemaw on a mousetrap.
00:57:08.300 Somebody goes to get her.
00:57:09.480 Bam.
00:57:10.880 They done.
00:57:11.440 You know, it's time we got to, we got to lock them up.
00:57:18.060 You know, hide your grandma, hide your grandpa.
00:57:22.480 Because Corvin19, they out here and they, you know, they geeking out.
00:57:27.380 They getting people.
00:57:29.300 That thing will show up like little Daniel, bro.
00:57:31.220 I'm fucking break out all the windows in your lungs, dude.
00:57:35.200 And say he didn't do it.
00:57:36.300 You did it.
00:57:38.500 You know you did it.
00:57:39.640 So, I got to go to an AA meeting, man.
00:57:45.640 Honestly, that's where I'm going.
00:57:47.060 So, I love you guys.
00:57:48.860 Thank you for having me in your life today.
00:57:51.360 Thank you for being in my life today.
00:57:56.780 Try and keep your heads up.
00:57:58.000 I know maybe I'm, you know, it's easy for me to talk sometimes.
00:58:01.400 I know that I can, you know, I have, you know, my rent is paid for the month.
00:58:06.680 And, you know, and I have money to go to the grocery store this week.
00:58:09.900 So, I know maybe I sound, you know, I might sound like I'm coming from a perspective that other people aren't coming from.
00:58:18.040 I don't know.
00:58:18.680 I don't know everybody's life.
00:58:19.800 But, I just, I hope that everyone just stays positive as they can.
00:58:31.600 You know what I'm saying?
00:58:32.060 We got this shit, bro.
00:58:33.600 We got this, dude.
00:58:34.720 COVID-19, they're going to better come back with their remix, dude.
00:58:38.140 I ain't going down to that.
00:58:39.180 COVID-30, COVID-60, none of it's getting me.
00:58:42.260 COVID-7,000, maybe.
00:58:44.500 Maybe I'll start to struggle.
00:58:45.880 I'll pull a nade off of my chest and throw that bastard.
00:58:49.740 You know, I'll break out that freaking six gauge, that seven gauge, bro.
00:58:54.500 You know, I'll do that bow and arrows.
00:58:56.180 Pot out, son.
00:58:57.100 Cupid, dude.
00:58:57.940 You in love, dude.
00:58:59.100 And now you're done.
00:59:01.780 Now you're done, son.
00:59:04.300 So, stay alive, baby.
00:59:06.540 Be good to yourselves.
00:59:08.560 You deserve it.
00:59:09.520 Let's move out of here with a little bit of North Mississippi All-Stars.
00:59:14.940 And they got this hit for us right here.
00:59:19.000 And this thing is called Drunk Outdoors.
00:59:22.720 And they're supporters and they've been awesome.
00:59:26.760 And they're a beautiful group.
00:59:27.840 They've been playing for so long.
00:59:28.760 If you want to check out some other good music that'll put you in a good vibe,
00:59:32.580 we'll put a link to them below in the YouTubes.
00:59:34.580 And that is off their up and rolling album, the North Mississippi All-Stars.
00:59:40.200 Let me holler at you, come on, step outside.
00:59:49.820 You got $10 dirt, child, and we gon' ride.
00:59:53.000 Let me holler at you, step outside.
00:59:57.200 Bump in the trunk of the trunk.
01:00:00.160 Let's go get drunk outdoors.
01:00:03.240 Let me don't burn against floors.
01:00:06.400 Let's go get drunk outdoors.
01:00:08.200 And they made a special one just for us.
01:00:14.680 I'll play it next week.
01:00:15.580 Hot wind gas station down on the corner.
01:00:20.280 Cooking with gas on the front burner.
01:00:24.480 Bump in the trunk of the trunk.
01:00:27.340 Let's go get drunk outdoors.
01:00:30.580 Nothing on dirty dance floors.
01:00:33.660 Let's go get drunk outdoors.
01:00:35.540 Let's go get drunk outdoors.
01:00:38.200 If you got money, you can get a little bit.
01:00:41.320 If you got money, get that hitter.
01:00:44.460 If you got money, you can get a little bit.
01:00:47.580 If you got money, get that hitter.
01:00:50.660 If you're feeling lonely, man, love somebody.
01:01:04.900 The way out of ourselves is through somebody else, man.
01:01:07.780 I believe that, you know.
01:01:10.260 And I don't always do it, but I do believe that there's truth in that.
01:01:14.620 Get that hitter.
01:01:26.060 Get that hitter.
01:01:32.940 Get that hitter.
01:01:34.360 Get that hitter.
01:01:38.740 Thank you, guys, man.
01:01:43.020 Be good to yourselves, man.
01:01:43.900 You guys deserve it.
01:01:45.040 We all deserve it.
01:01:46.800 And let's stay in the light, baby.
01:01:48.020 We got this, gang.
01:01:56.020 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club,
01:01:59.980 a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events,
01:02:03.660 stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
01:02:07.380 The answer may shock you.
01:02:09.100 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
01:02:11.260 Sometimes I won't.
01:02:12.860 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
01:02:15.800 You have three new voice messages.
01:02:18.780 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
01:02:21.700 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
01:02:26.000 So great.
01:02:27.360 Hi, sweetheart.
01:02:29.040 Here's a deal.
01:02:30.340 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
01:02:34.300 Do you know what I mean?
01:02:35.700 Hi.
01:02:36.460 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
01:02:39.360 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
01:02:41.460 Oh, no.
01:02:43.780 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
01:02:46.180 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:02:50.320 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:02:54.540 Third rule.
01:02:55.080 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
01:03:00.380 And yes, don't worry.
01:03:01.580 My Brad Pitt impression will get better.