This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Show Up

00:00:00.000 This episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza.

00:00:02.920 Gray Block, an especially great place to get Italian food inside of your body.

00:00:08.180 And you can go to 1811 Pico Boulevard in Los Angeles on the way to the beach.

00:00:12.620 Gray Block Pizza. Get that eater.

00:00:14.640 What's up, you little grilled artichoke heart?

00:00:17.540 Ooh, a grilled artichoke heart.

00:00:21.060 That sounds like a very Halloween-y treat.

00:00:23.360 You know, maybe a rack of lamb.

00:00:30.840 That sounds like a Halloween treat.

00:00:34.800 Dude, a lot of foods just sound like a Caesar salad.

00:00:39.320 Like they made salad out of Caesar.

00:00:42.260 Et tu, Brute, pass the Thousand Island.

00:00:48.640 Happy Halloween. Let's get into this.

00:01:00.000 Help me.

00:01:26.980 You didn't pay the rent.

00:01:40.760 I've got poison ivy.

00:01:44.140 I've got poison ivy.

00:01:49.980 I'll die.

00:02:00.980 Oh my God.

00:02:08.180 Oh my God.

00:02:09.200 What have I done?

00:02:11.420 I'm not bullshed, Dad.

00:02:17.840 Y'all trying to jerk each other around for what?

00:02:20.360 That's it.

00:02:38.960 And here we are.

00:02:40.460 And it is All Hallows' Eve or Almost Hallows' Eve.

00:02:47.540 You know, it's Almost Hallows' Eve.

00:02:50.460 It's coming up.

00:02:52.320 Halloween.

00:02:52.760 When you can take a candle.

00:02:55.940 Think about what you can do is you can take a candle and put it into a pumpkin.

00:03:00.620 And the pumpkin comes alive.

00:03:04.300 That's something special.

00:03:06.440 You know, it's amazing.

00:03:11.000 Something that you would think doesn't even have the ability to, you know, have reach come out of it.

00:03:16.760 A pumpkin.

00:03:17.980 A pumpkin.

00:03:18.840 You can put eyes in it and a mouth and a nose and put light inside of it.

00:03:22.720 And suddenly it takes on a whole new adventure.

00:03:30.720 Because not only does that pumpkin have the ability now, but then that pumpkin can make some choices of its own.

00:03:38.800 And I'm happy to be here today with you.

00:03:40.680 Happy Halloween this week.

00:03:43.180 And I said, look, you know I'm celebrating this.

00:03:46.360 You know I've already taken my heart out and put a raven in there.

00:03:50.900 So, you know I'm running on that Edgar Allan Poe.

00:03:55.540 I got that caged crow.

00:04:04.620 And that's what I'm clucking around with this week.

00:04:07.880 I love Halloween.

00:04:10.120 I love it.

00:04:11.660 You know, I love that you can just, I mean, you can just kind of, you can feel it open.

00:04:18.360 You can feel the, you know, this is the, this is that one, that one time of year where they leave the, the gate to the graveyard open.

00:04:26.140 And we can come and go as we want.

00:04:29.640 And the spirits from yesteryear can come back and visit us.

00:04:33.660 So you might feel something on your shoulder.

00:04:35.560 What is that?

00:04:36.420 A raindrop?

00:04:38.580 You know?

00:04:39.340 Is that a couple of raindrops just tapped me on the shoulder?

00:04:41.820 Is that a, you know, some bird duty that, you know, hit me, you know, repeatedly, a couple of different bird duties that hit me?

00:04:50.700 No.

00:04:51.920 Maybe that's a skeleton just tap, tap, tap, tapping his three fingers on your shoulder.

00:04:57.920 Because he's got a secret from the past to tell you.

00:05:01.600 So you got to keep your spirit open.

00:05:04.200 We got to keep our spirits open, man.

00:05:06.100 I want my spirit to be open.

00:05:08.720 Because you know that there's, look, there's secrets flying through the air year round.

00:05:15.200 Year round.

00:05:17.160 But we don't, we don't pay attention.

00:05:19.280 But this is that time of year, you know, el día de los muertos, the day of the dead.

00:05:26.200 When we stop and we listen.

00:05:30.000 Is that the breeze?

00:05:32.080 I don't think so.

00:05:34.820 That's my great, great, great, great grandmother bitching about something from a long time ago.

00:05:43.420 That's Halloween.

00:05:45.740 Hear people complain from so long ago.

00:05:48.100 That's one of the gifts of right now.

00:05:50.940 One of the things that can happen.

00:05:53.940 You know, when you can take something that's not working or that's not even capable.

00:05:58.520 You know, it's kind of like the autumn.

00:06:00.160 You know, this time of year, I love the fall too because it's refreshing.

00:06:04.000 You know, it's kind of like a Shasta.

00:06:05.680 I don't know if you ever had that Shasta soda.

00:06:08.380 You know, when I was young, we used to have, you know, different people had different sodas.

00:06:12.740 They had Pepsi.

00:06:14.200 They had Orange Crush.

00:06:16.080 Had a picture of an orange circle slice on it.

00:06:18.640 What else did they have Mountain Dew?

00:06:21.140 And then they had Shasta.

00:06:23.540 And Shasta was, I think, this shit was maybe a dime a can.

00:06:28.600 You know what I'm saying?

00:06:29.200 You could drink one.

00:06:31.120 You could, you know, fucking throw one out on the interstate.

00:06:34.860 You could do whatever you wanted with them.

00:06:36.540 They weren't, it was like, for 10 cents, you either got something to drink or something to throw that was really hard.

00:06:43.140 You could play football.

00:06:44.060 You could, you know, paint it brown and play football with it.

00:06:46.760 We used to do that sometimes.

00:06:48.760 And then sometimes somebody would get hit so hard the can would bust.

00:06:51.860 And that was just that one fumble.

00:06:53.440 And the whole game was over.

00:06:54.920 Because it was just a 12-ounce can.

00:06:58.700 But yeah, that Shasta was just basically very minimal soda.

00:07:04.220 And, but that's what this time of year is.

00:07:06.120 But it was refreshing.

00:07:07.760 Shasta was so refreshing.

00:07:09.840 That's what I remember about it.

00:07:11.760 And you pour that Shasta in your throat and it would kind of, you know, it would kind of burn your throat.

00:07:16.720 And it had a flavor.

00:07:18.580 It was like raspberry or butterscotch or some crazy, sometimes the flavors were, you're like, is this a flavor really?

00:07:28.440 Menthol.

00:07:29.040 You're like, I don't know if that's supposed to be a soda, but you would drink it all.

00:07:32.440 That Shasta.

00:07:34.100 And sometimes you couldn't even, it wasn't even, didn't even have a flavor.

00:07:37.440 It would just burn your throat so bad.

00:07:39.400 And then you would just be so grateful that the burn went away that you'd be like, oh, the soda's good.

00:07:46.900 Because finally the burn of the soda would go away from your throat.

00:07:49.720 And you'd be like, oh, thank God.

00:07:51.340 And it left you with a feeling of like you overcame something.

00:07:54.300 It was really just like a 12-ounce count of challenge and adversity.

00:07:59.660 And that was Shasta soda.

00:08:01.060 But I love that this time of year is refreshing.

00:08:06.320 You know, it's a time of year where you could take a, you know, things start to slow down a little bit.

00:08:09.760 Even in California.

00:08:11.140 California, you know, in Los Angeles, one of the problems that we have here is, and I know I'm constantly naming many of them.

00:08:18.360 But one of them, besides traffic and a lack of community, and I'm talking about in the city.

00:08:26.620 You get out in the suburbs, man, things are a little bit more regular.

00:08:30.320 But you get here in the city, man, it's just, there's a lot of greed and loneliness that's overcome people.

00:08:36.060 And, but one of the things that I, to me, one of the things that, that this time of year allows is for you to, to start something new.

00:08:47.780 To take a lot, you know, even here it slows down a little bit because the season starts changing.

00:08:51.700 It gets a little colder here in Los Angeles.

00:08:53.200 So suddenly you, you know, you get a little like, oh, it makes you look around for a second.

00:08:58.500 Because you get so caught up in being in the sunny days here.

00:09:01.140 Man, I get so caught up in being in the sunny days here that I don't know, the year just all runs together.

00:09:09.240 And every day there's like some, you know, there's a couple of vagrants running around dressed up like Santa.

00:09:14.360 You know, pissing in a park and stuff like that.

00:09:16.900 And, you know, hiding bottles of urine and stuff from each other.

00:09:20.800 And playing, you know, hide and go sip.

00:09:23.240 They're running around just drinking each other's urine.

00:09:26.100 And that's in the park right by my house, dude.

00:09:28.400 Duck, duck, piss, bro.

00:09:31.000 A bunch of people out there playing games, dirty games with different urine.

00:09:35.080 And some of them selling dirty urine and clean urine in the park by me trying to, you know, people trying to pass drug tests.

00:09:42.040 People trying to fail drug tests.

00:09:44.220 People just trying to get their thirst quenched.

00:09:47.200 You know, there's a lot.

00:09:48.280 I mean, if you put your ear up to the wind at night in my neighborhood, you could hear, you know, a lot of just dirty gallons being passed between hands.

00:09:55.920 But this time of year, even in Los Angeles, it gets a little windy and it gets a little cool.

00:10:04.820 And the seasons come in.

00:10:06.960 And you just kind of get a second to, like, breathe, I feel like.

00:10:10.520 And to look at what's going on around you.

00:10:13.980 And you can take something old and you can put a light in it.

00:10:18.680 You can kind of, you know, see how something has fared you for this past year.

00:10:22.480 You know, I've been doing this.

00:10:24.880 Has this been good?

00:10:26.880 You know, I've been eating, you know, I mean, you know, I dated a girl, you know, she'll wake up in the middle of the night and get a bunch of Skittles and do, you know, do Skittles in the middle of the night.

00:10:37.940 You know, crawl back into bed and she got a mouthful of, you know, those little rainbow flavor crumbs.

00:10:45.720 Those, you know, them little, you know, look like a little couple of rabbit duties, those, you know, rainbow rabbit duty hitters, them sugar hitters.

00:10:56.500 And she's got a jaw full of them.

00:10:58.860 And she go back to sleep with a mouth full of Skittles.

00:11:03.360 And now she, but, and she could handle it because women are organized, man.

00:11:07.400 Women can be very organized.

00:11:08.740 And now I'm laying here on choke watch, making sure she don't choke all night.

00:11:15.580 But what I'm saying is that this is the time of year where you can take something, oh, but you could, maybe you look at that.

00:11:20.660 Have I been putting Skittles in my mouth and going to bed?

00:11:22.880 Maybe that's not serving me anymore.

00:11:24.340 Maybe it's time to let that go and let that be a ghost.

00:11:28.920 Or you could take something like, oh, I've been thinking about this, but I haven't really been doing it.

00:11:32.780 And now you could take action and do that.

00:11:36.540 You know, now you could find something that's a pumpkin.

00:11:38.320 It's good.

00:11:38.900 It's nice.

00:11:40.080 It will make a nice kind of veggie casserole.

00:11:43.460 But if you spend a little more time with it and you hollow it out and put some eyes in it and draw a snout on it and cut a little mouth into it and you put a little bit of light in it, a little bit of time, a little bit of effort.

00:11:59.080 And now you've got something that you're going to use to haunt the rest of your year.

00:12:04.740 You've got something that you've taken that isn't, it's not perfect yet.

00:12:08.840 You know, maybe you've got some construction paper sitting around on the table and a little bit of tape.

00:12:13.940 And you've been thinking, oh, you know, I'm going to make a, um, I'm going to make an origami lantern.

00:12:19.840 And you, but you haven't been, but now's the time.

00:12:23.040 Take a little time.

00:12:24.300 Slow things down.

00:12:26.040 Put some light into something.

00:12:27.460 Put some light into a family member.

00:12:29.440 Put some light into a friend.

00:12:31.880 You know, and watch it and watch it grow into something beautiful.

00:12:35.920 That's going to help keep you warm and keep you excited.

00:12:40.060 Some new adventure that's going to carry you on into these winter months.

00:12:46.100 A little bit more of that tune.

00:12:47.540 Here it was.

00:12:48.280 And that was Vampires Suck.

00:13:03.340 And that's by Jean Bjork.

00:13:05.860 And you can find that out there in the ether somewhere.

00:13:08.740 And that's just some haunting music.

00:13:10.600 Just something to keep you tempted and something to keep you twisted.

00:13:13.420 And just remind you that this is a week to have fun.

00:13:17.020 This is a week when you, you, if you want men, Halloween is a great time to tickle somebody.

00:13:23.060 And tickling, we should enjoy tickling before they outlaw it.

00:13:26.600 You know, they got a lot of these snarky, you know, uh, angry people that just write articles and stuff all day.

00:13:33.400 And most of them are just on Twitter, angry, sad.

00:13:36.960 They're probably going to start outlawing tickling.

00:13:38.680 They say you, they say you're trying to molest people's bones through their skin.

00:13:44.020 Uh, bitch, I'm tickling somebody.

00:13:46.620 Okay?

00:13:47.580 I'm not doing whatever you're saying.

00:13:50.040 I'm tickling.

00:13:51.840 All right?

00:13:52.720 I'm bringing these, uh, I'm bringing these, um, these phalanges.

00:13:57.880 And trying to get them gigalanges out of somebody.

00:14:01.820 You know, I'm trying to play those ribs, man.

00:14:03.740 When I grew up, actually, they had a lady in our neighborhood.

00:14:06.340 And she was a, um, rib reader.

00:14:08.680 And she was a mystic.

00:14:10.560 And for maybe 40 cents, she'd read your ribs, you know.

00:14:13.940 Just run her fingers up along your, down, up and down the sides of your ribs for maybe about,

00:14:18.860 probably about six or seven minutes, bruh.

00:14:21.180 And kind of tell you your future.

00:14:22.660 Pretty cool.

00:14:24.060 Pretty cool that she could do that, you know.

00:14:25.580 And she also did hair.

00:14:27.420 You know, and her real name was Miss Bob.

00:14:28.800 You know, on the weekends, she'd put a different sign outside and she would do hair.

00:14:31.900 Dude, the haircuts from her, no joke.

00:14:35.100 No joke.

00:14:36.620 Four dollars.

00:14:37.420 So, you got that four dollar chop, man.

00:14:41.220 And it looked like about, maybe it was worth three dollars.

00:14:44.660 Dude, I would go there all the time.

00:14:45.920 I left out of there, I looked Amish.

00:14:48.380 You know, I looked, um, uh, I looked, a couple times I looked like a, um, a doll.

00:14:54.940 Like a, kind of like a cheap doll you might get maybe in Poland.

00:14:58.080 Um, I looked like, yeah, sometimes it didn't even look like somebody had cut my hair.

00:15:03.440 It looked like somebody had just basically tied a bunch of, like, scissors to their foot

00:15:06.880 and then just kicked me in the sides of the head a couple times.

00:15:10.360 You know?

00:15:11.220 Just like I got that karate cut.

00:15:14.000 Yeah, suddenly I'm a black belt and looking like shit.

00:15:16.840 But dude, something was fun about being young and looking like shit, man.

00:15:21.440 And when you look like shit, man, you roll up into a place, dude, you got nothing to prove.

00:15:28.760 Because nobody's expecting anything.

00:15:31.600 I like that.

00:15:32.540 That's one thing.

00:15:34.460 That's a costume I don't want to wear anymore is expectations.

00:15:38.680 You know, I want to get rid of these expectations in this fall.

00:15:43.520 I wish you a happy Halloween.

00:15:45.260 Man, I just, we, I was at the Orpheum.

00:15:47.040 I just got back from Phoenix.

00:15:48.180 Thank you to everybody that came out.

00:15:50.280 It was crazy, man.

00:15:51.820 This whole weekend was crazy.

00:15:53.080 I was at this comedy festival in Phoenix.

00:15:55.940 And I got to do two nights in a theater.

00:15:59.580 You know, I'm talking that John Wilkes Booth country.

00:16:01.980 Boy, Pop, Pop, that Lincoln killer, bro.

00:16:04.920 We were in a real theater.

00:16:08.220 And, dude, it was just magical.

00:16:11.220 They say your name, you come out on stage, and everybody's excited.

00:16:15.500 You know, I met a young guy.

00:16:16.760 He came out with his father.

00:16:20.360 They came to a show.

00:16:22.200 They had a young, a guy and his brother.

00:16:24.420 I met them outside of the stage door, and we took a picture.

00:16:28.760 Some, you know, some lovely students from ASU.

00:16:31.980 You know, some nurses.

00:16:35.420 Beautiful, beautiful group.

00:16:37.000 A lot of just great people came out.

00:16:39.000 I met a Beetlejuice.

00:16:40.020 They had a man being a Beetlejuice out there.

00:16:43.920 Man, it just really warmed my heart, dude.

00:16:47.800 You know, honestly, when I really think about it, it just warmed my heart to, like, I don't know.

00:16:53.300 I can't really explain it.

00:16:56.260 Like, yeah, I know, you know, I went and did the jokes and everything, but I just, the people that come out, I'm noticing that are coming out to the shows are, I don't know.

00:17:08.580 It's like people that I would just like to meet in real life.

00:17:10.780 You know, everybody I meet, it just seemed like, just easy to talk to, understanding.

00:17:20.940 I don't know, man.

00:17:21.640 It just makes me feel really good.

00:17:23.920 You know, and I don't mean that in a selfish way.

00:17:25.620 Like, it makes me, like, the going on stage part and doing the jokes and stuff, that makes me feel good.

00:17:30.740 And, but I'm starting to feel like that's, that's just like a, that's just like a bait for the fact that we're able to get together.

00:17:41.660 You know, that we're able, that we're, I feel like we are, you know, what we're doing through here, even through this podcast, is just bringing good people together.

00:17:48.640 And I don't feel like I'm responsible for that, but I feel like, you know, I'm just happy to be part of that.

00:17:53.600 But, but I'm telling you, I'm telling, I'm not joking, at these shows, people that are coming out, man, it's just special people.

00:18:02.540 You know, and I feel like, you know, I feel like we're going to be able to do some good things in the world.

00:18:08.340 And it's going to take some time, but I really feel like we're going to be able to do some good things in the world, man.

00:18:14.360 And man, that makes me feel good.

00:18:16.540 And so I want to say thank you guys for coming out and supporting, you know, the laughter.

00:18:21.440 I think maybe that's what it is.

00:18:24.200 Maybe, you know, the laughter is kind of like the, you know, part of the, not bait, because bait feels like something that you use to trick.

00:18:33.500 But maybe the laughter is just, it's like a little fire, you know, and it gives us like a place to kind of meet.

00:18:41.660 But I feel like in the future, we're going to do some really great things together somehow.

00:18:46.280 And I'm happy to be a part of that.

00:18:47.920 And thank you guys for coming out.

00:18:48.780 Dude, it was crazy.

00:18:49.640 You walk out on the stage and like people are, and all you can hear is you can hear people where you can't, and you can feel it a little bit, but you can't see very far.

00:18:58.140 Because they got lights.

00:18:59.260 Some asshole in the back shine a bright light right in your fucking eyes, bro.

00:19:04.260 It's kind of like cops.

00:19:05.380 When cops knock on the door of your car, dude, that's always the craziest, man, when the cop knocks.

00:19:12.360 And you're trying to think like, man, and the worst is when you hid your weed in the glove box.

00:19:20.260 What an idiot.

00:19:22.820 Man, you hid your weed in the only place the cop is going to ask you to open.

00:19:29.360 Dude, I've done that before.

00:19:31.540 License and registration.

00:19:32.540 And the second you start to lean towards that glove box, you're like, fuck, I'm an idiot.

00:19:39.760 I hid my weed right there.

00:19:41.940 Boom, bam.

00:19:43.920 Dude, a buddy of mine one time handed the cop the registration and some weed, man.

00:19:49.740 Like, dude, you fucking dumb, bro.

00:19:52.820 Like, I'm dumb, but you are definitely, definitely dumb.

00:19:56.320 But yeah, I had a great time in Phoenix, and I'll be back there actually in March.

00:20:02.320 Tickets aren't on sale yet, but I do want to let you guys know that I'll come back there for a full weekend at Stand Up Live.

00:20:07.420 I had such a great time, man.

00:20:08.680 I can't not come back.

00:20:10.780 And that was it, man.

00:20:13.280 I was out there with Brendan Shalves and Brian Callens, Big Jay Oakerson, Ari Shafir, and I was just honored, man.

00:20:21.300 And to be on like a big stage is cool because now it's like you have like a playground.

00:20:27.180 You know, I felt like during the second show I told this story that I haven't been telling very much about my mom,

00:20:34.240 and I just felt I had like a big playground to move around on.

00:20:40.540 Remember like when you would go to school and you would get, like if you say you were in third grade,

00:20:44.840 and the next year you went to a different school, and you had that first recess on your new playground?

00:20:49.520 And it was like, dang, what's going on out here?

00:20:55.980 They had some toys.

00:20:57.300 You know, they had the monkey bars.

00:21:00.000 They had the slide.

00:21:02.280 The slide was always a piece of shit, bro, honestly.

00:21:06.040 Dude, especially in the South, man, they gave us metal slides.

00:21:09.380 Basically, here's a oven that you can slide down if you want to.

00:21:15.920 Dude, some days it was 97 degrees down there in our town.

00:21:21.200 And the one toy out there, you got 70 kids trying to play on a fucking hot slide.

00:21:31.100 So basically, here's what would happen.

00:21:34.420 You'd have one kid go down, then the other 69 kids are now suddenly playing a game called EMTs,

00:21:43.500 Emergency Medical Technicians, because they had that one dude, bruh, fucking little hot legs Daniel.

00:21:51.580 You know, he'd be at the top, and people would be like, Daniel, don't do it, Daniel.

00:21:56.020 But you know Daniel, bruh, he makes his own choices, dude.

00:22:03.280 He makes his own choices.

00:22:06.360 And old Daniel, who had just recovered from the burns from last year,

00:22:10.800 gonna give that fucking 96-degree slide a second chance.

00:22:17.320 And man, the second he hit the top of that slide, when he sat on it, bruh,

00:22:22.100 you could hear the scream start.

00:22:23.500 And I mean the type of scream that starts in your toes and just reverberates up your thighs

00:22:31.900 through your, just your crotch area.

00:22:36.220 I mean, dude, you'd see the wee, the wee would shoot right out of his body.

00:22:40.640 The wee would, it was just too hot.

00:22:42.540 The wee would just boil, just, bruh, like a steam.

00:22:46.040 Like somebody just made a batch of chamomile in his bladder,

00:22:49.400 and just that tea kettle just blew out that bladder.

00:22:51.980 The wee would just shoot right out of him, just like the Polar Express was taking off out of his crotch.

00:22:59.900 And then that, that scream would just reverberate right, you'd see it rattling through his chest.

00:23:05.400 And it would just, just steep, just steep right out of his mouth.

00:23:13.500 As he would hit the slide and his legs would just roast.

00:23:17.340 I mean, just a couple damn, just beef jerkies that dude would be laying on the ground.

00:23:22.580 And all the other kids playing EMT suddenly.

00:23:24.800 Just cause the old fuckin' hot Daniel wants to try the slide again.

00:23:30.620 Come on, bruh.

00:23:32.300 Tighten up.

00:23:34.420 Tighten up!

00:23:35.920 Man, it's good to be here.

00:23:37.740 I'm happy to be here.

00:23:39.500 You know, I was listening to some old episodes of the podcast, and I was trying to think if the,

00:23:43.660 and I know a lot of people don't care, they say just do the podcast, but,

00:23:47.180 you know, I've just been feeling, I think I've been feeling so busy,

00:23:49.460 it's been hard for me to feel more relaxed and more in touch.

00:23:52.920 You know, and I want this podcast to be a place where,

00:23:55.620 you know, I can share what's going on in my life,

00:23:58.300 and you guys can share what's going on with yours.

00:24:00.680 And so I'm gonna try to work on that personally over this holidays,

00:24:03.740 and just get myself physically into a better place where I'm feeling just,

00:24:08.940 you know, just managing my time better and less exhausted and stuff like that.

00:24:13.280 So that's a commitment that I want to make to you guys as our listeners.

00:24:17.140 And I know some of you guys are like,

00:24:18.720 hey, man, just, you know, thanks for being here, and thanks for showing up.

00:24:21.600 And I appreciate you saying that, but I want to do better.

00:24:26.220 You know, because I know in the, you know,

00:24:31.020 I'm listening to some old episodes, and sometimes it just,

00:24:34.200 I don't know, there was points where it felt more,

00:24:37.660 not more caring, but just more

00:24:39.840 like it was just us, you know?

00:24:44.100 Like it was just you and me.

00:24:45.320 And so in some ways, I want to be able to try and,

00:24:49.480 you know, I want to work towards that.

00:24:54.180 And this is a time of year to think about that.

00:24:56.600 And I'm glad that I have some time now with the holidays.

00:24:58.600 I'm going to see my nieces and nephews tomorrow.

00:25:00.600 Man, I can't wait.

00:25:01.520 I'm going down to Baton Rouge.

00:25:03.860 I'm going to be in New Orleans tomorrow night.

00:25:07.280 And then I'm going to see my nieces and nephews.

00:25:10.040 Man, and God has blessed me with so many nieces and nephews, man.

00:25:12.780 It really, you know, it makes me so happy to see, like,

00:25:17.060 those children having fun, you know?

00:25:19.520 I mean, I call my nieces and nephews, and they're on the phone,

00:25:21.640 and they're just having fun.

00:25:22.600 You know, they're not fighting.

00:25:24.020 Like whenever people would call us at my house,

00:25:25.720 we were always fighting, man.

00:25:27.920 Somebody always screaming, getting beat.

00:25:30.680 Dude, somebody, you get the phone.

00:25:33.020 I remember getting beat with the phone, bro.

00:25:35.200 People beating each other with the fucking phone.

00:25:37.540 You'd have to tell somebody, hold on.

00:25:39.340 And then you'd hand the phone to somebody,

00:25:40.940 and then they would beat you with it.

00:25:42.080 Like, damn, bro.

00:25:44.200 You know?

00:25:45.500 This shit is heated out here in these tele-streets.

00:25:50.560 It's Halloween time.

00:25:52.680 I'll be in Buffalo also this weekend.

00:25:54.600 Then I'm going to Buffalo, New York, and that'll be cool.

00:25:58.820 Get up there in the winter, see a little bit of the wintertime,

00:26:01.680 maybe, you know, go on some hiking trails.

00:26:04.160 I don't know what's going on up there in Buffalo.

00:26:06.800 You know, that's beef yurky country.

00:26:09.060 That's buffalo chicken wings.

00:26:10.900 You know, they got them little wings.

00:26:12.760 And I think, honestly, I respect buffalo,

00:26:14.800 but I think it's sad to take a wing off a little bird like that.

00:26:19.540 Imagine seeing that little bird, man.

00:26:22.820 He hadn't done nothing.

00:26:24.000 He probably just, you know, this little bird probably in the first or second grade.

00:26:29.300 And he don't need, he got these little bitty ass wings, you know?

00:26:33.980 He probably still wear, like, training, you know, special underwear

00:26:38.360 in case he pees on himself in class and stuff like that.

00:26:42.180 And here come these big companies and they're chopping the wings off of them.

00:26:46.360 Come on, Buffalo.

00:26:48.800 What are y'all doing?

00:26:50.740 And then they put the celery right next to it, make you feel better about yourself.

00:26:54.500 Because celery don't care about dying.

00:26:58.320 You know, celery, celery's that green victim, bro.

00:27:03.560 It's that green willing victim.

00:27:06.160 Celery's just like, hey, chop me down, cat daddy.

00:27:10.720 I'm ready for the Lord.

00:27:13.200 But they, you know, that celery, they just show that as a little accoutrement.

00:27:17.360 But the real crazy part, they got these first and second grade little chickens

00:27:21.360 and they're taking their wings off of them.

00:27:23.860 Just to put them in a little bit of ranch.

00:27:25.500 How about this?

00:27:26.660 Why don't you make a can of little chicken wing spray?

00:27:29.940 I spray a head out of my tongue, get that feeling and that vibe, you know?

00:27:34.980 And to get those vibes, those CW vibes on my teasy.

00:27:38.420 And then I just, you know, a little squirt of ranch in your mouth.

00:27:43.060 And then I can sit there while I have that and think about these beautiful little chickens

00:27:46.800 finally making it into third grade.

00:27:49.420 You know, and getting report guards.

00:27:50.940 And getting, you know, you know, S's and positive scores on their little report cards

00:27:57.640 in their first and second and third nine weeks and all of that.

00:28:01.440 So just a thought, man.

00:28:03.060 But I'll be up there, Brian.

00:28:04.080 I'll probably have some fucking, them teriyaki hitters.

00:28:07.820 Some buffalo chicken wings.

00:28:10.360 A lot of great calls that came in.

00:28:11.920 I will be in Buffalo.

00:28:12.960 The only other place that I'm coming to be, there's some other places,

00:28:16.680 but the only place that you guys don't know about that I'm going to be is

00:28:19.820 where else?

00:28:22.000 Oh, Lexington, Kentucky, December 7th and 8th.

00:28:26.420 And those tickets are all are on sale.

00:28:28.400 Buffalo and Lexington.

00:28:29.260 The other places for this year, I believe, are sold out.

00:28:32.660 What else happened this weekend, man?

00:28:35.120 Oh, I got nervous, dude.

00:28:36.800 You know, one thing sometimes, like, you know, I'm trying to deal with, like, you know,

00:28:43.920 meeting more people and stuff like that when I'm out just, you know, running around.

00:28:48.660 And in the bathroom, I'm fine.

00:28:51.140 I got that nervousness.

00:28:53.660 You know, I got that nervousness.

00:28:55.860 And nerves, it's basically like dirty electricity that hides in your body.

00:29:00.360 And I get it when I'm at the urinal.

00:29:06.340 You know, and the urinal is just basically a special hole that they made,

00:29:09.640 and they put, like, a pretty thing over it, and you just urinate into it.

00:29:12.860 It's by the wall.

00:29:14.940 And I get up there, man, and I noticed I was in Phoenix.

00:29:18.700 And I'm peeing at the urinal, doing what I do, you know,

00:29:22.040 letting God just pull water out of my body through the front of me.

00:29:25.380 And I couldn't go.

00:29:29.160 And the two dudes that we all showed up at the same time.

00:29:34.420 And then they left.

00:29:35.720 They got finished.

00:29:36.740 You know, these fellas are all emptied out, and I'm still just standing there,

00:29:40.340 just riding.

00:29:41.260 I mean, this is like a, you know, it's like a river rodeo.

00:29:45.060 I'm trying to get that river.

00:29:47.020 And I'm trying to spark.

00:29:48.220 And I'm just basically pushing as hard as I can, just, like, squeeze,

00:29:52.040 like, pushing forward.

00:29:54.000 Almost like you would to try to do a duty,

00:29:55.840 but you're doing it towards the front for urine.

00:29:58.560 And I'm just pushing, man, and I can't get that urine to fire.

00:30:02.020 I can't get that match to strike, that flint to steal.

00:30:04.660 I can't get it.

00:30:06.300 And then those dudes finished the second guys.

00:30:09.960 So now I'm still standing here.

00:30:12.040 And you can still, like, the first dudes had already washed their hands,

00:30:14.640 and they left.

00:30:16.300 You know, now the second dudes are, and I'm still there, bro.

00:30:20.280 So now I'm not even peeing.

00:30:21.640 And I'm just some guy who's been holding his dick for about two minutes.

00:30:25.200 And that's crazier when you think about it.

00:30:29.060 You know, when you think about the fact that then you're just some guy who's been

00:30:32.360 holding on to his penis for two minutes around other men.

00:30:38.000 There's nothing wrong with it, but there's nothing right with it.

00:30:43.340 And so it just, you know, that was something I did.

00:30:45.320 You know, just, I was just got gunshot.

00:30:47.260 And I noticed that my nerves will land right there in my crotch a lot of time,

00:30:50.820 in my C-roch.

00:30:52.460 You know, right down there by my baby bird, by that spicy frog.

00:30:57.820 And that's what I'll notice.

00:30:58.920 And that started happening to me again.

00:31:00.180 So I'm a little bit worried sometimes about how I'm dealing with anxiety.

00:31:03.460 But I think a lot of that is just I got to start taking some better care of myself.

00:31:06.600 And so I got into some physical fitness.

00:31:10.020 You know, because one thing is my mind hasn't been doing super great.

00:31:12.940 Like very, you know, I've just been, I've been in my head too much.

00:31:16.560 And so when you're in your head, then you got to get into your body.

00:31:20.760 Because, you know, your energy is just, your energy, your neck is that Mason Dixon.

00:31:25.840 And your energy, you need to keep it even.

00:31:28.880 And if you use that, you know, sometimes you got a union a little,

00:31:32.240 and sometimes you got a confederacy a little.

00:31:33.940 Because you want it, you want it to be even Steven.

00:31:37.500 You want to have both parties just sitting right there along that Mason Dixon.

00:31:41.340 Just playing handball and doing Yahtzee.

00:31:45.300 Look, I did, I want to, I did a Yahtzee one time with nine dice.

00:31:50.180 So I'm not saying I'm, you know, no Jesus Christ, but you try it.

00:31:55.940 Only took me 70 rolls, bro, and did a Yahtzee with nine dice, bro.

00:31:59.520 All fours, player.

00:32:01.140 I'll see you in heaven.

00:32:02.020 And see you in heaven.

00:32:05.200 But I'm going to start getting back into some physical fitness because I want,

00:32:08.080 I want my Mason Dixon to be, you know, to be a safe place for everybody.

00:32:13.440 Because otherwise my nerves get all up above, above.

00:32:16.700 And then all that energy gets stuck and I'm frenetic in the top.

00:32:20.820 And, and that's, you know, and I want to, I want to be even.

00:32:24.860 I want to be even Steven.

00:32:27.440 Oh, happy Halloween guys.

00:32:29.180 We have some costumes that came in.

00:32:30.340 And you'll be able to see these on the YouTube.

00:32:31.720 I'm going to look through the pictures really quick.

00:32:34.080 I want to thank the people that sent them in.

00:32:37.240 First we have, and I'm looking at them right now for the first time.

00:32:40.400 And also if you see our set, we have a very spooky set today.

00:32:44.320 And that's beautiful, man.

00:32:46.500 I'll say this, man.

00:32:47.580 My mother always decorated our house.

00:32:51.680 My mother always decorated our house.

00:32:55.220 You know, she, uh, my mother always did good with holidays.

00:32:59.400 She always did good with holidays, man.

00:33:01.380 She would make sure that on holidays, you know, like important events, you know, she did good on those.

00:33:09.300 And she made, uh, she always did the decorations and stuff like that.

00:33:14.600 And, uh, you know, I love the fact that she did that, man.

00:33:16.940 That makes me feel really, uh, proud of her for doing that.

00:33:20.480 Because I bet it's probably hard when you're a mom and you get home sometimes.

00:33:23.040 Or, you know, you finally got that one day off.

00:33:26.580 And the one thing you want to do is go get that box out of the attic.

00:33:30.000 Especially when you don't even have an attic.

00:33:31.500 We just had a box just tied up near the, uh, ceiling.

00:33:34.580 And we would say that's the attic.

00:33:36.120 It's like, bitch, that's just some fucking rope and tape about a ceiling.

00:33:39.520 You know, covering a box.

00:33:42.300 But that was our attic, you know.

00:33:45.140 And one of the toilets upstairs got leaked out one time.

00:33:48.040 You know, they had that brown ring forming around the base of it.

00:33:50.560 And it started to kind of, you know, crap.

00:33:53.180 You know, the toilet will start to hide in the floor a little bit if it gets, if the, uh, the wood or whatever it is, the linoleum gets too damp around it.

00:34:02.400 And, you know, we have four kids, bro.

00:34:04.760 So, the chance of hitting the toilet when you're urinating with four children, I mean, you're shooting at about probably 22%.

00:34:12.340 You know what I'm saying, man?

00:34:14.800 You're shooting, yeah, you're probably about 22%.

00:34:17.880 So, a lot of that moisture in that body urine would get into the wood around the toilet.

00:34:23.720 And the toilet started to kind of, you know, fade into the wood a little bit because the wood couldn't hold it up because the wood was getting all greased out from the children's urine.

00:34:32.880 Because children's urine, bro, you, dude, you could run a go-kart off a kid's urine.

00:34:37.540 That stuff's spicy.

00:34:39.740 That stuff's spicy.

00:34:41.240 It's, hey, it's got that kick-kick in it.

00:34:44.140 You know, you put a drop in each eyeball, dog, you could see far, bro.

00:34:49.940 Children's urine's super powerful.

00:34:52.380 In Native American times, dude, they would take children's urine and they would dye, uh, they would dye different, like, bird feathers and stuff in it.

00:35:01.760 And wear them and put them right in the, uh, crack of their butt and stuff during, like, dances and parties and stuff for good luck.

00:35:10.300 So, the, you know, the medical capabilities of children's urine, priceless, bro.

00:35:17.540 Children's urine, I mean, if you have, let me think, if you had about six gallons of children's urine and the cops show up, you're fucked, bro.

00:35:27.980 I'll tell you that.

00:35:29.420 So, it's okay to use it medicinally here and there, but don't go, you know, tapping your little nephew to get it out of them.

00:35:35.480 Stay classy.

00:35:36.320 Keep your life right with Christ.

00:35:38.460 All right, man.

00:35:39.520 Um, here's some costumes.

00:35:41.380 I'm going to look through them right now.

00:35:42.680 This first one is Lucas and Sammy from Ann Arbor, Michigan, submitted this one.

00:35:46.700 And he's dressed up like a, um, like a cat or something.

00:35:51.100 And he gots a drink with him.

00:35:52.680 So, he's dressed up like a drinking cat.

00:35:54.460 But, you know, he's dressed like a, uh, and she's dressed up like a little lady.

00:36:00.960 She's wearing red stuff.

00:36:02.760 And he's got blood around his mouth.

00:36:05.020 So, he might have something, hepatitis C or something.

00:36:07.960 And she might, she looks like a nurse.

00:36:10.300 She looks like a nurse at a picnic, like a picnic nurse.

00:36:13.580 And he looks like he got, he's a hep C cat.

00:36:16.980 You know, so he's, he's hip.

00:36:18.560 He looks kind of nice.

00:36:19.520 So, he's hip and he's hep.

00:36:20.580 So, they are a nice group there.

00:36:24.960 And that's Lucas and Sammy.

00:36:26.820 And, but one of them's a woman though.

00:36:28.180 But both of them have men's names.

00:36:29.660 And that's okay.

00:36:31.020 Doesn't matter.

00:36:32.420 All right.

00:36:32.780 Next up, we got Sean and Sebastian Hornback.

00:36:36.120 And they dressed up.

00:36:37.780 I mean, they look like a couple.

00:36:40.220 They got green hair, white faces, white shirt.

00:36:44.040 Look like a couple of, uh, Chernobyl Italians, bruh.

00:36:46.580 They look like a couple of, uh, you know, a couple of waiters at an Italian restaurant that, that, uh, that also secretly want to be Irish.

00:37:01.640 They got green hair.

00:37:02.520 And they got lipstick on, too.

00:37:04.380 So, they're thinking about doing cross-dressing, obviously.

00:37:06.940 And they might be family.

00:37:07.840 One of them's real little.

00:37:08.720 And it looks like he's about seven years old.

00:37:10.860 And one of them is bigger.

00:37:11.840 And it looks like he's about 27.

00:37:13.800 So, they're either friends that probably shouldn't hang out.

00:37:17.340 Because it could be illegal.

00:37:18.980 I'm just guessing, man.

00:37:19.980 I'm not accusing you guys of anything.

00:37:22.320 You know, because I've, you know, I've been around people.

00:37:24.700 I shouldn't be around.

00:37:26.280 But if you see their picture.

00:37:27.480 And this is Sean and Sebastian Hornback.

00:37:30.640 And they, um, I think they dressed up as a couple Chernobyl Italians.

00:37:34.880 But beautiful there.

00:37:35.800 And then we got this dude, Brent Rice.

00:37:39.340 And he has speckled, uh, oh, have you seen that commercial for the candy on the, um, television?

00:37:47.640 And the people eat the candy.

00:37:49.100 And then it's all over their face.

00:37:50.880 And they got acne.

00:37:52.420 They got that sugar acne.

00:37:54.820 And that's what he has.

00:37:56.000 He's got that face with the sugar acne.

00:37:57.780 And he looks like he got, maybe, he could have been bit by a gay guy or something as well.

00:38:02.320 Because my cousin last year got bit by a gay guy off Highland.

00:38:04.660 And everybody knows that.

00:38:08.000 Um, all right.

00:38:09.820 Let's look at another one.

00:38:11.140 Oh, and that, yeah, that was Brent Rice.

00:38:12.860 This is Davy Jones and Rebecca Jones.

00:38:15.160 Oh, this is, I've seen this before.

00:38:17.020 He is the man who, painting.

00:38:18.940 They have a man on television.

00:38:20.220 Sometimes when you're, you know, high or not even high, just being alive.

00:38:23.860 And you're flipping through channels of television.

00:38:26.060 And they have the, you see that guy on there and he's painting.

00:38:30.680 And it looks like Mr. Rogers' little brother.

00:38:33.160 You know, he's got big hair.

00:38:34.960 He's got that fro.

00:38:36.140 He's that little fro baby.

00:38:38.280 You know, like, like he got, like some of his pubis, you know, was in a, like there was a flood.

00:38:43.060 And his pubic hair climbed up onto his head in order not to get wet.

00:38:46.660 You know, to take care of its family and everything.

00:38:49.340 So he looks like he got that flooded body, that pubis up top.

00:38:52.760 And then his girlfriend is dressed as a painting.

00:38:57.480 And this man, you've seen him on television.

00:38:59.140 You always have the old fashioned little paint.

00:39:02.360 It's like a little cardboard with paint on it.

00:39:04.980 Little chunks of paint, different colors.

00:39:07.600 That little, you know, that little Roy G. Biv handheld piece.

00:39:11.900 And his wife looks like she has a stream and stuff on her.

00:39:14.820 And, you know, she's a painting canvas.

00:39:18.680 And that's nice.

00:39:19.340 Davy Jones and Rebecca John.

00:39:22.280 Beautiful.

00:39:24.080 All right.

00:39:24.540 The last one.

00:39:25.340 We got a man in a wheelchair.

00:39:27.460 Or a fake man in a wheelchair.

00:39:29.140 Or an actual real man in a wheelchair.

00:39:31.060 I can't tell.

00:39:32.280 And another dude, right?

00:39:33.440 Him look like he works at Bubba Gump Shrimp Company.

00:39:36.400 And they got a man here.

00:39:37.940 He looks like he sells weed or something.

00:39:40.180 And this could be a man or a woman.

00:39:41.460 Or it could be a child.

00:39:42.920 This could be a teenager.

00:39:45.120 And he's in a wheelchair.

00:39:46.500 He looks like one of those guys that plays basketball on the documentaries.

00:39:50.260 And he's got long hair.

00:39:51.540 So he might be also a woman.

00:39:54.340 And he has on, let me see, an American flag or something.

00:39:59.400 And this dude, man, he looks like he works at Bubba Gump.

00:40:03.720 He looks like a youth pastor.

00:40:06.400 You know, he looks like a man.

00:40:07.340 He obviously is with the church.

00:40:08.780 You know, he's got on white shoes.

00:40:11.260 Bright white, too.

00:40:13.220 Like the kind that you ever meet a dude who, you know, he's like 40, but he still lives with his mom.

00:40:22.100 And he never moved out.

00:40:23.540 And he never really finished.

00:40:24.600 He don't have any school certificates at the house.

00:40:27.860 Yeah, boy.

00:40:29.580 You know, one of the Lord's, you know, one of God's favorites.

00:40:32.380 You know what I'm saying?

00:40:33.020 And he's a beautiful guy.

00:40:35.840 And he has, and his little buddy is in a little wheel.

00:40:39.900 It's either a wheelchair or it's just a, it could be like a handicap wheelchair.

00:40:44.500 It could just be a regular chair that he put wheels on.

00:40:47.300 I can't really tell.

00:40:48.500 But the guy doesn't look like he has legs either.

00:40:51.380 And no offense to anybody that doesn't have legs.

00:40:53.180 And I'm making fun of that.

00:40:54.640 The guy doesn't have legs in this picture.

00:40:56.440 But they look like they might have met at like a VFW or something or outside of a McDonald's.

00:41:01.800 And that's Justin Velasquez and his girl.

00:41:04.300 I'm sorry.

00:41:04.660 I didn't even read that.

00:41:05.280 It is his girl.

00:41:06.620 So that's him and his daughter in this picture.

00:41:08.560 But it's cute, though.

00:41:10.020 It's cute.

00:41:10.540 And happy Halloween.

00:41:11.220 And this is that time of year when you can do whatever you want.

00:41:14.740 When you can dress up like however.

00:41:16.880 And you can get out into the world.

00:41:18.960 And you can live.

00:41:20.320 You can live.

00:41:21.880 You can live, man.

00:41:23.500 And that's really the gift, too, is this time of year.

00:41:25.920 Just remind us we get to be alive.

00:41:28.860 Go walk through a graveyard.

00:41:31.580 And see if you don't have some gifts.

00:41:34.940 You can't be feeling bad about yourself in a graveyard.

00:41:38.740 Take a test.

00:41:40.280 Go walk through a graveyard.

00:41:41.300 If you feel bad about yourself, then that's on you.

00:41:48.880 Because you got a lot.

00:41:51.960 You got a lot.

00:41:54.880 You got a lot of opportunity.

00:41:58.180 Just with this gift of life.

00:42:01.480 But I ain't preaching at y'all, man.

00:42:03.280 I'm just trying to stay in my own head.

00:42:05.540 We got some great calls about Halloween and some different things.

00:42:07.720 I want to thank the people that sent the photos in.

00:42:10.180 And let me make fun of you guys and roast your costumes and think about you guys.

00:42:14.140 You know, I like seeing different people.

00:42:15.940 Whether it's in interaction.

00:42:19.120 You know, pictures.

00:42:21.460 Drawings.

00:42:22.580 You know, little dolls of other people.

00:42:24.420 I like all of that.

00:42:25.380 Voodoo dolls.

00:42:27.760 What else?

00:42:29.140 Dioramas.

00:42:29.720 Sometimes you'll do a diorama and have some people in there.

00:42:32.500 And I like to meet all types of people.

00:42:36.520 I want to let you know this right now.

00:42:39.960 That's Skillshare.

00:42:41.140 Is an online learning platform with over 20,000 classes in business, design, technology, and more.

00:42:48.280 You can take classes in social media marketing, data science, mobile photography, creative writing.

00:42:54.580 You name it, they've got it.

00:42:56.380 Remember those dreams?

00:42:57.320 Remember those things?

00:42:58.700 Those little pumpkins you wanted to put a candle in?

00:43:01.080 Go get that hitter.

00:43:02.740 You can do Facebook ads for e-commerce.

00:43:05.540 You can do trap music production.

00:43:08.080 You can do sketch.

00:43:09.060 You can learn how to mix music.

00:43:10.980 You can do After Effects and the basics of sourcing and sales for entrepreneurs.

00:43:16.960 These are all a few of the classes that you can check out at Skillshare.

00:43:21.820 Whether you're trying to deepen your professional skill set or just start a side hustle, Skillshare.com is the place to go.

00:43:28.840 And you can get two months of Skillshare for just 99 cents.

00:43:32.660 That's right.

00:43:33.160 Skillshare is offering this past weekend listeners two months of unlimited access for over 20,000 classes.

00:43:40.580 And it's just 99 cents.

00:43:43.460 So all the things you think you'd want to go back to school for and do this and do that, try it first on Skillshare.

00:43:49.060 See what you feel.

00:43:49.840 See if you really have an inkling for it.

00:43:51.920 And also, you might be just looking around and find an inkling for something, a talent that you do want to learn.

00:43:56.700 You know, your dreams, they're not that far away these days.

00:44:00.760 And by not that far away, I mean they're at Skillshare.com slash Theo.

00:44:05.400 Go to Skillshare.com slash Theo to support this past weekend and to start your two months now.

00:44:13.080 Okay.

00:44:14.100 I will be in Buffalo this weekend at Helium Comedy Club.

00:44:19.160 And we got some cool calls and stuff.

00:44:21.420 I want to get into some of them.

00:44:22.540 Um, uh, here we go onward.

00:44:27.100 Hey, Theo.

00:44:27.960 Hope you're doing well, man.

00:44:29.000 This is Noah.

00:44:30.160 Hey, Noah.

00:44:31.000 Thank you for calling.

00:44:32.280 And Noah, that's an ark name.

00:44:34.960 So, dude, I can't, I mean, I'm only going to assume you're a boat, Captain, bro, because I can't imagine.

00:44:39.220 How do you grow up and be a Noah and not drive a boat?

00:44:43.180 Like, that's like, that's like being named Bambi and not, you know, not getting killed in a drive-by.

00:44:53.280 You know what I'm saying?

00:44:53.840 Like certain names, the, you know, the story has been written.

00:44:58.780 You know, you can't be named, um, all just Simpson and not, you know, get gruesome over there in Brentwood with your old lady.

00:45:09.420 I mean, it's certain names.

00:45:10.940 You can't do something and not be it.

00:45:13.220 Like you can't be named Carl and not end up working over at that sandwich house that they got.

00:45:18.840 Onward.

00:45:19.680 I'm calling from Ohio University.

00:45:21.700 Ohio University, man.

00:45:24.220 Uh, thank you for calling, sir.

00:45:25.820 In Athens, Ohio.

00:45:26.760 And, man, I know you love Halloween, and we happen to have, like, the biggest block party in the country for Halloween at our school.

00:45:34.980 And I heard you talking about, um, there's a guy who called in who lost his dad a couple years ago.

00:45:41.660 Yes, I remember that.

00:45:42.840 I don't have his name right here in front of me.

00:45:44.580 Maybe I'll give him a buzz this week.

00:45:46.480 Uh, he did call in.

00:45:47.380 He called in and lost his dad on Halloween, and this will be the second anniversary of that.

00:45:50.560 Onward.

00:45:50.960 And you gave him the advice to maybe dress up as his dad and go around, you know,

00:45:55.560 maybe visiting some old friends and, uh, you know, just, like, being his dad for a day, you know.

00:46:01.900 And, uh, I decided I'm going to do that this year in my costume.

00:46:05.820 My dad was in the drug enforcement agency for 30 years, and he was busting some of the biggest criminals in the country, man.

00:46:12.440 He worked his ass off.

00:46:13.520 Uh, I lost him a year ago, and I miss him so much, but, uh, I had...

00:46:19.100 Oh, I'm sorry for your loss, man.

00:46:21.120 I bet he's really proud of you, dude.

00:46:22.500 I can hear in your voice, uh, that you sound like a confident guy, you know, and you sound like a guy, and this is judgment, but, uh, um, you sound like a guy that has his act together.

00:46:32.220 And I bet your dad always heard that, you know, and I bet, uh, I bet he's really, really proud of you, bro, you know, to have a son that is, um, you know, you might not be a drug enforcement agent,

00:46:42.400 but you sound like an enforcing type of person, a guy who's, um, you know, who's moving forward with his life.

00:46:47.840 Onward.

00:46:48.340 I had some of his old clothes left behind.

00:46:50.140 I got a DEA eradication team shirt on, uh, a DEA Ohio, uh, hat.

00:46:58.140 I got some aviator sunglasses.

00:46:59.820 I got some camo pants and some boots.

00:47:02.240 And, man, I didn't know if I'd be able to do it because I thought it'd be, like, you know, emotionally difficult for me, but I'm excited, man, because I'm wearing his clothes, you know.

00:47:11.140 And I get to just, like, kind of be him for a day.

00:47:15.960 I know I'm not being him for a day, but I'm paying respect to my dad and also having a cool-ass costume to wear and party in and just have a good time.

00:47:27.280 Yeah, man, I love that.

00:47:29.000 Dude, thank you for this call.

00:47:30.560 This is, you're making me think and you're making me feel as I'm hearing this.

00:47:34.520 Um, yeah, you know, as you're saying that, man, you got me excited now.

00:47:39.340 You know, because it's like for a night, you get to be your dad.

00:47:42.960 You know, when you got some of his clothes, man, that's such a nice gift.

00:47:45.600 You know, we don't think about those types of things.

00:47:47.840 You know, I never, I never had anything in my father's, you know, uh, I never had anything in my father's.

00:47:53.200 You know, his other children, they took everything or whatever.

00:47:56.480 You know, I don't have anything of his.

00:47:57.920 But one thing I remember a lot is the smell of, um, of his shirts.

00:48:02.460 You know, I, uh, you know, when, um, because I was just so young around my dad that a lot of the things, I don't have a lot of full memories of us spending time as much as it's like more of my senses.

00:48:16.560 You know, I remember a sound like he always had, uh, his keys and change in his pocket.

00:48:21.420 And it would always like kind of jingle, jingle when he walked and he, uh, he whistled a lot.

00:48:28.960 He liked to whistle because my dad was born in 1910 that didn't even have a lot of instruments or even sounds back then.

00:48:34.500 I mean, if you wanted to hear, you know, different, the sounds they had back then, the wind, cannons, you know, vultures, uh, rumors.

00:48:47.420 So I hear, you know, so very limited sounds.

00:48:51.660 So he would whistle because, you know, that when my dad was growing up, whistling was probably one, you know, an Olympic sport.

00:48:58.220 So he would, he would whistle a lot.

00:49:00.260 And I would remember that.

00:49:01.980 Uh, so it's funny.

00:49:03.000 I'll have certain senses, but one of them is the smell of his shirts.

00:49:07.720 You know, my mom and dad didn't sleep in the same room.

00:49:10.020 And my dad would sit up at night sometimes and drink beer.

00:49:12.980 And I would walk through the living room or walk in there at night, you know, and, uh, and he would have me come over by him and he would give me a hug and I would smell like his shirt, you know.

00:49:24.060 And I, I love that.

00:49:26.220 Uh, onward.

00:49:27.660 I just want to say, man, thank you so much for that advice.

00:49:30.400 And I love the podcast.

00:49:31.540 I love you.

00:49:32.120 You're amazing.

00:49:33.400 Thanks, man.

00:49:34.700 I love you too, bro.

00:49:36.180 You know, and even if we are not even gay, we're just buddies and that's okay, man.

00:49:42.360 That's cool though.

00:49:42.960 Dude, you're going to be out.

00:49:43.800 And you know what I love about this, man?

00:49:45.460 Now you got me thinking we're doing this.

00:49:48.260 Now we're doing Halloween.

00:49:50.060 We're getting Latino, bro.

00:49:52.440 You know, the Dia de los Muertos.

00:49:54.840 They go and honor the dead.

00:49:56.720 I went last year to, and, uh, this is one of the blessings of Los Angeles is there's a lot, there's a large, uh, Mexican contingency here.

00:50:04.080 In fact, a lot of the history of California is Latino history, um, outside of Hollywood.

00:50:09.780 Hollywood steals a lot of the thunder, but the lightning is Latino here, you know.

00:50:13.720 And, uh, and they go to the graveyard.

00:50:16.940 Uh, some do, and it's, I think it's an older tradition probably.

00:50:20.620 And I'll have to ask someone when we have someone on that's Mexican.

00:50:23.920 And, uh, and they go to the graveyard and spend time with their family, you know, and spend time with their deceased.

00:50:29.140 So this is really novel, I think, man.

00:50:31.280 This is interesting to be able to take your dad, put your dad's clothes on and go out and about.

00:50:36.360 You know, it's funny.

00:50:37.120 I was thinking about that guy the other day who said, who had called about his dad passing away.

00:50:41.260 And, and I was like, yeah, maybe if you dressed up as him, you know, if you could get a mask made of your dad, right.

00:50:47.640 With the eyes so you can see out of it.

00:50:51.920 And then it might be cool if you could go as your dad, you know, get his clothes, put them on.

00:50:59.460 And then, like try and take on his thoughts, you know, like what he was thinking about, what he enjoyed.

00:51:10.580 You know, try to really get into his mindset a little.

00:51:13.160 You know, maybe walk into the door that he walked into or, uh, sit in a chair that he sat in.

00:51:20.280 Or just think about things more.

00:51:21.780 Actually, more just think about things.

00:51:23.300 Think about your mother.

00:51:24.640 But from like his, you know, that this is your wife.

00:51:27.220 Not in a dirty way.

00:51:28.000 Don't be thinking dirty things, man.

00:51:30.660 You know, stay out of that part of your dad's brain.

00:51:32.640 Those are his thoughts.

00:51:33.660 Those are just between him and your mom, you creep.

00:51:36.580 You little worm.

00:51:37.700 Or just stay in the other side, the good side.

00:51:41.120 Or, you know, the legitimate side.

00:51:43.700 And, uh, and think about, just think about what he thought about.

00:51:49.280 Just, yeah, like to have, imagine that sitting dressed as your father.

00:51:53.960 And looking at people that he cared about.

00:51:56.200 And what if you looked at a picture of yourself?

00:51:58.100 That would be pretty wild.

00:52:01.220 Wouldn't that be cool, man, to dress up like your dad.

00:52:04.220 And look at a picture of you.

00:52:05.720 And then just be able to feel how much love he probably had for you.

00:52:16.500 You know, imagine looking at a picture of somebody that you care about more than anything.

00:52:20.420 And that you would do anything for.

00:52:21.980 And that you're so proud of.

00:52:25.140 And I know that sounds kind of crazy, but.

00:52:29.460 I don't think it sounds that crazy.

00:52:31.020 You know, my Mount Kilimanjaro is inside, bro.

00:52:37.380 I'm a stalag tight, you know, and I'm trying to get inside.

00:52:42.700 And I think that would be super, bro.

00:52:45.060 And there's no way your dad's not going to feel that.

00:52:48.100 That's Halloween, man.

00:52:50.920 That's dark art.

00:52:51.880 But, boy, you got.

00:52:55.400 You got candles with you.

00:52:56.660 Gang, gang, man.

00:52:58.720 Thank you for that call.

00:52:59.620 That was a beautiful call.

00:53:01.500 Making me think about that.

00:53:02.640 And also just referencing back to the man that called a week or so ago.

00:53:07.360 All right.

00:53:07.920 Let's take another call.

00:53:09.580 Hey, Theo.

00:53:10.320 What's up?

00:53:10.760 It's Josh from Buffalo.

00:53:12.160 Just calling to let you know that we're excited to see the Rat King in the home of the chicken wing this upcoming weekend.

00:53:19.260 That's true.

00:53:19.700 This weekend is the king in the wing.

00:53:21.500 I never thought about that, man.

00:53:23.820 That's nice of you to reach out in advance of me coming over there.

00:53:28.620 More?

00:53:29.500 And also wanted to extend the invitation.

00:53:32.500 You know, me and all my buddies, we're a bunch of musicians.

00:53:35.240 We're big fans.

00:53:36.260 We're going to be coming out to the show Friday.

00:53:38.420 But Thursday, we're playing right down the road at a place called the Tap House.

00:53:42.640 So if you want to come on out, maybe bring the strap.

00:53:46.840 We'll be there.

00:53:47.740 The whole Curious Crew.

00:53:49.580 If not, we'll see you Friday.

00:53:51.840 But check us out, man.

00:53:53.520 Come hang out with the Curious Crew.

00:53:55.180 Tap House on Chippewa.

00:53:57.140 If not, we'll see you at Helium Saturday, brother.

00:53:59.580 All right.

00:54:00.520 We'll see you.

00:54:02.080 Awesome, man.

00:54:03.120 And yes, you were only allowed to say we'll see you three times in a call.

00:54:06.920 I'm just joking with you.

00:54:09.000 Dude, that's nice of you.

00:54:10.260 If I have the energy, if I got the vibe Thursday, then I'll get out there.

00:54:15.220 You know, I'll try to come by and see you.

00:54:16.720 I don't want to promise you, though.

00:54:19.840 Well, I bring the strap out into an alcoholic environment, you know, where they got loud instruments and stuff like that.

00:54:26.640 The strap is that.

00:54:28.020 The strap is young.

00:54:29.720 The strap, you got to think of the strap.

00:54:31.000 It's like a nine-month-old, man.

00:54:33.320 That thing is just sleeping through the night.

00:54:37.320 So I don't know if I'm bringing that, you know.

00:54:39.600 Sometimes you got to keep the nice shit at home.

00:54:42.280 Sometimes even an oyster, man, it hides its pearl when it goes out on the town.

00:54:45.920 And it comes back and pick that bitch up later.

00:54:49.460 But we'll see, man.

00:54:50.500 And thank you for the call.

00:54:52.340 And no matter what, I'll see you guys on Friday.

00:54:55.060 And I'll try to come through on Thursday, but no guarantees.

00:54:57.940 But I do appreciate the invite, 100%.

00:55:00.940 That's nice of you to welcome me into town.

00:55:02.860 A lot of beautiful people up there in upstate New York.

00:55:05.900 Great place to get tetanus shots.

00:55:08.120 And what else?

00:55:13.320 Oh, neck tattoos, baby.

00:55:15.000 Gang, gang.

00:55:15.700 Rochester till I die.

00:55:17.200 Son, brother wheeze.

00:55:18.500 Let's take another call right here.

00:55:21.960 Hey, Theo.

00:55:22.900 So I'm calling to tell you about my nine-year-old nephew.

00:55:26.980 Okay, you got a nine-year-old nephew.

00:55:28.700 So do I.

00:55:29.520 So game on.

00:55:31.260 I know you have nieces around the same age.

00:55:34.060 I saw your one video, but this kid had the worst start to his Halloween weekend.

00:55:39.380 So yesterday, Friday, I don't even know what the fuck date it is, to be honest with you.

00:55:44.760 He had a double hitter pet death.

00:55:49.340 His elderly chihuahua, Sweet Pea, had to get put down because she was sick.

00:55:54.740 Okay, you got a nine-year-old with a chihuahua, though.

00:55:59.500 That's.

00:56:01.420 Is that legal?

00:56:02.580 You know what kind of nine-year-old you got in with a chihuahua?

00:56:07.440 That's the part that's kind of got me a little bit nervous for him.

00:56:10.620 That's a frenetic animal.

00:56:12.000 Chihuahuas get scared.

00:56:13.100 They're doorbell activists.

00:56:14.960 You hit that doorbell, those motherfuckers go for 90 minutes.

00:56:18.760 You know, it's like watching a fucking loud movie and you can't get the volume to turn off.

00:56:23.300 But with that said, rest in peace to that little animal.

00:56:27.000 You know, a chihuahua, sometimes it's just a fucking, it's like a spicy slipper.

00:56:30.660 You know, they're crazy, they're wild.

00:56:33.420 You know, every year there's probably, there's like, I heard or read an article or heard an article that there's like two, three hundred chihuahuas.

00:56:40.700 That died just from, you know, just basic shit around the house.

00:56:46.560 A book falls off a shelf and, you know, takes the back out.

00:56:51.100 But let's hear more.

00:56:52.900 And then out of the blue, his guinea pig named Nugget got really sick too and had to get put down on the same damn day.

00:57:00.720 And, ooh, yeah, I'm sorry about that.

00:57:05.220 I'm sorry your son lost two animals, little chihuahua, which sounds, I don't know.

00:57:10.500 The chihuahua didn't even have a name.

00:57:11.940 That sounds to me like I'm not sure if that's realistic.

00:57:16.240 That could be your animal.

00:57:17.740 But little Nugget, that's another story.

00:57:20.720 You know, and I'll say this for little Nugget, man.

00:57:22.680 I'll do a little prayer for Nugget right now.

00:57:24.680 Because you know that G-pigs have a strong place in my heart.

00:57:27.700 G-pigs, gerbils, you know, short rats, all of those animals.

00:57:36.820 You know, Nugget, you know, you weren't meant for this world, little Nugget.

00:57:45.780 And God wants you somewhere else.

00:57:47.240 Maybe he wants you out there in Asia or, you know, in, you know, Vietnam or something like that or in the future.

00:57:56.680 But God didn't need you right here anymore, little Nugget.

00:58:01.180 And so this is your time.

00:58:04.960 This is your time to get out there and just, you know, chew away at the cheese of reincarnation, bro.

00:58:12.500 And maybe you'll come back as a tall, tall, beautiful Nugget.

00:58:16.820 Not even a Nugget, more like a chunk in another time or another sphere.

00:58:22.280 And we wish you well, young buck.

00:58:25.420 And I hope that wherever you show up in the world, bro, that they got mad hoes for you, my man.

00:58:31.360 All right?

00:58:32.280 And big hearts as well.

00:58:34.640 Gang, gang, bro.

00:58:35.360 I love you.

00:58:36.780 But that is a worst weekend for a nine-year-old.

00:58:40.280 So I have to leave work early.

00:58:42.040 Go take this guinea pig to get put down.

00:58:44.820 Well, his mom went to go get the chihuahua put down.

00:58:49.240 And he cried all last night about it.

00:58:52.340 And he also has two other dogs that died this year.

00:58:55.160 Oh, come on, lady.

00:58:56.240 Look.

00:58:57.120 What's going on here?

00:58:59.300 He's got two other dogs?

00:59:00.740 What kind of, you know, what kind of chop house are you running over there?

00:59:04.160 You know, I'm not accusing you guys of anything, but it sounds like you're picking sick animals and then shoveling them off on little Randall or whatever your son's name is.

00:59:14.040 I mean, what's going on?

00:59:18.460 What kind of, you know, what kind of halfway house for the halfway living are you running over there?

00:59:26.060 You got animals popping through there.

00:59:27.980 You got little gerbils with spina bifida and all of that popping through.

00:59:32.940 You know, you got, you know, you buy it.

00:59:34.800 Next thing you know, you got them a rabbit that has Hep C.

00:59:40.020 Or you got, you know, you get them a little seahorse with AIDS or something, you know.

00:59:44.180 And I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be crude to you, but, but this seems wild, doesn't it?

00:59:51.520 That you keep bringing these animals around your boy and they keep perishing.

00:59:56.700 And now, you know, you get, he's nine years old.

01:00:00.880 What's next for him?

01:00:02.660 The dude's lost fucking 30 animals.

01:00:04.660 It's like, you know, it's like, uh, it's like not Noah's Ark, but like, you know, little Randall's shitty raft.

01:00:13.480 And all the animals that get on, they drown out because the raft got bad ballasts on it.

01:00:19.400 So I'm not accusing you or anything, but I will say this.

01:00:21.820 It's Halloween time, so this is a great time.

01:00:24.900 You know, take your son out maybe and let him visit the spirits of the animals.

01:00:28.980 Maybe get your boy out there, put a diaper on him or something.

01:00:31.600 I don't know how old, you know, if I don't know if people are doing diapers at nine years old.

01:00:34.940 If they are, get him one of those lean diapers so the other kids don't see it.

01:00:38.440 So they're not laughing at him and stuff.

01:00:40.720 Get him a regular, you know, a baby, you know, a tight diaper, one of those lean ones.

01:00:45.760 And, uh, and get your boy out there and maybe, you know, draw pictures of the animals on his body.

01:00:52.460 Do some smoke or some sage or something.

01:00:55.340 You know, maybe have one of the neighbors light a vagina or something in the distance, you know, upwind of you.

01:01:02.420 And y'all catch those vibes, bro.

01:01:04.700 And let him visit those animals that you guys are, you know, that little, uh, that little portal that you guys have created over there into the nether sphere.

01:01:12.900 And I'm not trying to be rude, but, you know, I love you and I love your son.

01:01:17.580 And I hope whenever he's, you know, I hope, you know, he doesn't lose another 60 animals by the time he's, you know, 18 years old.

01:01:25.600 But at this rate, mommy, you got to get a stethoscope or something at the house and start checking these fucking primates that are passing through.

01:01:33.380 Because the animals that are, you know, this is a one-way ticket to the cemetery when they get picked up by y'all, it seems like.

01:01:39.400 But with that said, you know, I love you and, um, gang, gang, and I hope to see you soon in the future sometime.

01:01:45.980 Uh, let's take another call.

01:01:47.080 And that is the worst weekend.

01:01:48.540 That is the worst weekend.

01:01:49.680 And we'll put that into, uh, into the contest.

01:01:52.160 Yeah, dude, you know, at this rate, that guy's going to have Jesus.

01:01:58.120 That guy's going to be living in some kind of dang.

01:02:02.200 I can't even imagine.

01:02:04.240 Ah, pray for that kid, little Randall.

01:02:06.100 Y'all put little Randall on your prayer list.

01:02:07.880 Onward.

01:02:08.740 Take another call.

01:02:09.880 Hey, Theo.

01:02:10.780 Uh, my name is Jack.

01:02:11.900 I'm a big fan of the podcast.

01:02:13.560 Thanks for calling, Jack.

01:02:14.900 And thanks for your fanship.

01:02:16.180 And my problem is just with my, some would say, extracurricular life, um, with the ladies.

01:02:25.600 And so, I've had a girlfriend for a little bit now.

01:02:30.660 And I'm 18, so, you know, we're kind of getting frisky.

01:02:35.540 Oh, yeah, at 18, you can do adult sex.

01:02:38.300 And that's normal and natural, man.

01:02:40.460 And that's scientific.

01:02:41.540 There's nothing wrong with that.

01:02:43.060 Erection city, bro.

01:02:44.800 You know?

01:02:45.220 Like running around with a bag of clubs, dog.

01:02:48.160 You got that pitching wedge, that sand wedge, bro.

01:02:51.120 You got, just got that regular dance.

01:02:53.360 You got it all at that age, man.

01:02:54.840 Beautiful, Onward.

01:02:56.260 And we have sex, but I feel like I jerk off so much.

01:03:02.040 You feel like it or you know you do, Onward?

01:03:04.780 And I feel like there's been a problem since I was younger.

01:03:07.620 I've just jerked off so much.

01:03:10.660 Yes, I hear you.

01:03:11.980 Or Paddle the Penguin, I would say.

01:03:16.160 Paddle the Penguin?

01:03:17.060 I never heard of that, bro.

01:03:18.940 Unless you're blowing them ice cold splotches, you know?

01:03:22.520 More?

01:03:23.700 I feel like it's desensitizing, like mid-sex.

01:03:28.260 I'll just, like, go soft and I won't be able to get it back up.

01:03:31.340 And it's, like, embarrassing, you know?

01:03:33.660 Like, make an excuse.

01:03:35.500 I'll say I'm tired or something.

01:03:37.760 Yeah, you're tired from, tired from what, though, at 18?

01:03:40.980 This is it, man.

01:03:42.680 Tired from, you working in a coal mine or something?

01:03:44.700 You can't be tired at 18.

01:03:46.020 You got to have that virality, bro.

01:03:48.140 You got to have that electric dick.

01:03:49.840 That's what they're expecting, anyway.

01:03:51.820 But I appreciate you for sharing this, man.

01:03:53.520 Let's hear more.

01:03:54.580 So you're feeling kind of some desensitization, it seems like, down there.

01:03:58.440 Your nerves aren't really all keyed out.

01:04:00.400 But it's just, I don't know what to do.

01:04:04.280 I've tried to stop, but it's just, like, it keeps, I keep on crawling back to just late at night when I'm all by myself.

01:04:13.540 I just feed the geese, you know?

01:04:16.200 Feed the geese.

01:04:17.500 Never heard that.

01:04:19.900 Dude, let me, and I'll say this.

01:04:21.160 I don't know if you've ever fed a goose, brother, violent animals.

01:04:23.360 You try to put your wiener out near a geet, I guess, one geet, one geese.

01:04:34.040 That thing will, dude, that thing will give you a very fast, sharp blowjob.

01:04:39.840 And that's very, very dangerous, dude.

01:04:42.380 Do not do something like that.

01:04:44.240 So I can't really tell what you're trying to get into here or what, but if you're masturbating too much, yeah, you're going to be desensitized.

01:04:51.700 You know what I'm saying?

01:04:52.020 You can't, uh, if you beat a guitar against the wall all day, then it's not going to be super well-tuned.

01:05:01.380 It's not going to be tuned to make real music because you've been out there bashing it for no reason.

01:05:07.940 So respect the music of it.

01:05:12.960 You know, you know, a real, you know, you might even want to get you a little case for your dick.

01:05:17.520 It just, you know, goes on the front of your dick and you open it up and it's, like, got that kind of blue felt in there.

01:05:21.920 Like a saxophone.

01:05:23.680 Remember that?

01:05:24.500 In grade school, somebody would open that case and it had the blue felt in there with the sax in there or the little horn or something.

01:05:30.520 A little trumpet.

01:05:31.520 A little Stilwell with his, you know, little metal hitter in there.

01:05:35.080 Like, yeah, maybe put that around your junk.

01:05:40.060 That way you're going to treat it like it's something special because you out there beating your crotch against the wall for no reason and then expecting it to Mozart in the bedroom.

01:05:49.180 But you out there machine gun Kelly in it all afternoon.

01:05:52.640 It's not real life, bud.

01:05:54.760 But, yeah, if you do have a real problem with it, get a hold of it now, man, by not getting a hold of it.

01:05:59.900 You know what I'm saying?

01:06:01.420 Be good to yourself, dude, and stay out the frickin' park, bruh.

01:06:04.300 Geese, man.

01:06:05.180 Feet.

01:06:05.500 What is going on, dude?

01:06:06.860 This is Halloween.

01:06:08.780 What am I thinking, man?

01:06:09.720 Am I taking all this serious and you guys are all messing with me today?

01:06:13.440 The hotline, as always, is 985-664-9503.

01:06:19.460 That is the hotline.

01:06:20.500 You can always call it and it'll always be here for you.

01:06:24.660 And also, if you're a young man that's struggling with something that lives in the Los Angeles area, hit us up.

01:06:29.840 985-664-9503.

01:06:31.840 You know, we're trying to solve some of these problems or some issues that men are struggling with in real time.

01:06:38.580 And it can be, you know, something real, something that's going on.

01:06:41.780 You know, I don't want you to be afraid to reach out here that this isn't a safe space.

01:06:45.660 And you can say on the message, look, you know, just let us know what's up.

01:06:53.280 And maybe I haven't been bringing enough of my problems into the show.

01:06:57.520 You know, maybe I've been holding back.

01:06:58.980 I think I want to think about that over the next week, you know.

01:07:03.420 Talowin, man, what skeletons are in your closet?

01:07:06.580 You know, is that bone marrow?

01:07:09.340 Or are you just happy to see me?

01:07:12.420 Let me tell you this right here.

01:07:16.260 This past weekend is supported by HelloFresh, the meal kit delivery service that shops, plans, and delivers your favorite recipe and pre-measured ingredients so you can just cook, eat, and enjoy.

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01:08:06.980 It's all, it's, it's just already planned for you.

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01:09:27.480 The Saints and Vikings are playing tonight and I recorded it.

01:09:32.500 So I'm here working, doing this, doing this instead.

01:09:37.560 And you know, I didn't even think twice about it.

01:09:40.120 I'm just happy to be here.

01:09:41.360 You know, I've been feeling like emotionally exhausted.

01:09:46.800 Like I've been having a tough time kind of getting in touch with my own emotions.

01:09:50.340 So I'm going to try to think of some, not think of some ways, but I need to take some actions to make myself just feel a little bit more connected.

01:09:59.920 You know, I think just life getting busier, work getting busier.

01:10:02.740 But I don't want to ever get too busy that I can't be a part of this podcast in an effective, in the most effective way.

01:10:13.680 So I just want to let you guys know that that's part of my life right now.

01:10:17.860 And I'm so glad that God is, you know, or the higher powers or whatever time, the clock, you know, Mother Nature has given us what's going on, you know, the time of year right now.

01:10:29.820 Because this is a great time of year to bring people together.

01:10:32.260 It really, really is.

01:10:33.920 All right.

01:10:35.240 What else?

01:10:37.120 Here we go.

01:10:38.160 Hey, what's up, Theo?

01:10:43.720 This is Adam Collins from West by God, Virginia.

01:10:46.740 West by God, Virginia.

01:10:48.960 And West Virginia is one of the two Virginias.

01:10:51.540 And I think you guys should fight it out, bruh.

01:10:53.720 Twins, come on, shut it down.

01:10:55.960 One of you guys.

01:10:57.020 That's what we need.

01:10:58.620 Onward, brother.

01:10:59.340 Thanks for calling.

01:11:00.680 I just called to say, man, I was listening to your Keep Back Chave podcast.

01:11:05.640 And whenever you came on there.

01:11:08.620 And that means the Fighter and the Kid podcast.

01:11:10.420 I was on there the other day.

01:11:11.760 I think I know what you're talking about.

01:11:13.620 Let's hear more.

01:11:14.860 On Rappaport in full Ric Flair-esque meets Rock and Roll Express fucking with the belt.

01:11:24.480 I just picture, like, you coming up with it with Big Brown texting you and letting you know that Rappaport's talking smack and coming hard on you.

01:11:32.420 And then I picture you maybe looking at the belt for inspiration and perhaps reaching to your roots where tears come from.

01:11:41.020 Both tears of joy and tears of despair.

01:11:45.720 Hell yeah, man.

01:11:46.600 You're right in tune, brother.

01:11:48.140 And just pulling out that Ric Flair and Rock and Roll Express meets Macho Man fucking just breaking it out on him and coming in there hard.

01:11:59.680 I came in there hard, boy.

01:12:01.880 The Rat King.

01:12:03.720 But you sealed the deal.

01:12:04.940 If I had to spend whatever it takes online for me helping promote you to win the fucking belt back.

01:12:12.800 I mean, not back, but defend the belt.

01:12:14.960 And that's what we'll do.

01:12:18.180 Votes don't lie.

01:12:19.600 Votes don't lie.

01:12:21.380 Yeah, that was the craziest thing when I went in there.

01:12:23.340 So, yeah, I was sitting in here in my studio.

01:12:25.940 And I was waiting for Uriah Faber to come in.

01:12:28.060 And he's a, you know, an accomplished and beautiful young fighter.

01:12:31.060 And he's a fight boy.

01:12:32.000 And he's a fisty boy.

01:12:33.560 And he's a great, you know, a talented.

01:12:35.380 I mean, and this guy, do you shake his hand and weighs like 40 pounds.

01:12:38.660 That man is a, he's dense and he's talented.

01:12:42.540 And he, I'm waiting for him to come in.

01:12:44.000 And I hear this yapping going on through the wall.

01:12:46.740 Like a chihuahua.

01:12:48.120 You know, like a chihuahua that somebody gave to a, to a, to an eight-year-old.

01:12:52.840 And I hear that yapping.

01:12:55.060 And then I'm texting over there.

01:12:57.060 I text Brandon, Brandon Showers.

01:12:58.900 I said, who do you guys have in studio?

01:13:01.000 And he's like, Michael Rapport.

01:13:02.420 And then I listen closer.

01:13:03.900 And they talking about me.

01:13:06.460 And that's when the king, the Rat King just comes out of me.

01:13:09.020 And it's just, you know, it is.

01:13:12.680 It's all the things that, it's just all the things, all the people that told me I can't.

01:13:17.420 You know, and it's all the people that, you know, that cry about the voting.

01:13:23.740 And the people that can be sore losers.

01:13:28.220 You know, and the people that, they don't want to understand other people's lives.

01:13:33.340 They don't even want to try to put themselves in other people's shoes.

01:13:36.200 And that's the Rat King.

01:13:37.220 It's that forgotten character that crawls up out of the sewers.

01:13:42.860 And says, hey, we all deserve a crown.

01:13:47.820 You know, we all have something inside of us that is worry.

01:13:50.700 That is worthy of some type of royalty.

01:13:53.900 Or the feeling, at least once in a while, to feel like being a king.

01:13:57.820 Because there's a lot of us out there that have nothing.

01:14:00.680 You know, that don't have any cheese, baby.

01:14:02.180 But I'll tell you this, man.

01:14:05.120 We'll come to the surface time and time again when we smell something stinking.

01:14:10.300 And that's what I smelled there.

01:14:12.200 When Michael Rappaport calling me out.

01:14:14.840 And so I looked at that belt.

01:14:16.020 And next thing you know, son, I swear to God, I blinked.

01:14:18.460 And I was in my sunglasses.

01:14:21.580 And I was ratting.

01:14:24.140 I was ratting down the hall.

01:14:25.920 And I rolled right in there.

01:14:30.960 Because if you want to talk behind my back.

01:14:34.080 Then I'm about to spin my spine around, daddy.

01:14:37.460 And now we're face to face.

01:14:39.900 But thank you for calling in and checking in about that, man.

01:14:43.040 And that's what that rat is, the eternal underdog.

01:14:45.900 And that's what I feel sometimes like this podcast is, man.

01:14:50.100 You know, we all just want to be okay.

01:14:52.860 And we all just want to be good people.

01:14:56.240 You know, and we all just want to love somebody and be loved.

01:15:00.040 And I think we're in this world right now.

01:15:01.680 We're going through a time.

01:15:02.600 There's so many transitions going on in the history of humanity right now.

01:15:06.860 And we're a young species.

01:15:09.040 Human beings.

01:15:10.960 You know, 2,000 years.

01:15:13.900 And we're only, you know, or however many thousand.

01:15:17.800 You know, I'm just going off of, you know, zero if it's 1997 or whatever it is right now.

01:15:23.160 But, you know, there's a lot of transitions going on.

01:15:29.800 You know, people learning what our emotions are and what our feelings are.

01:15:34.120 And, you know, getting addicted to technology.

01:15:36.520 And, you know, it's a wild time.

01:15:39.700 It is a wild time.

01:15:41.000 But some of us out there, we want to, we're still fighting.

01:15:47.460 We're still fighting and learning at the same time.

01:15:49.560 And that's the hard thing to do, I feel like, for myself.

01:15:52.420 You know, I want to take action and I want to, but I'm also, you know, a lot of times I live in fear of being able to say what I really think sometimes.

01:15:59.340 And some of it is just because I don't feel smart enough.

01:16:03.020 I don't feel like I have enough knowledge.

01:16:04.320 So, I don't know.

01:16:07.660 When you don't have the brain, sometimes you've got to let your heart be your brain and just talk from there.

01:16:12.800 And that's what we do here, man.

01:16:14.900 With them underdog aortas, baby.

01:16:16.860 We're a curious crew.

01:16:18.760 Let's take another call.

01:16:19.640 Here we go.

01:16:20.780 Hey, Theo.

01:16:22.160 My name is Pat.

01:16:23.200 I'm from Augusta, Maine.

01:16:24.780 Hey, Pat.

01:16:25.340 Thank you for calling from Augusta, Maine.

01:16:27.940 You know, you have a beautiful state up there.

01:16:29.380 You guys are often, I feel like you guys are lucky in a way.

01:16:32.960 You kind of get to, you're like the appendix of America.

01:16:35.780 You're there and you are, you know, you're constantly, you're always around.

01:16:45.600 Every now and then you flare up and raise hell.

01:16:49.860 But you also don't have to be constantly affected by the daily stuff.

01:16:56.960 I bet there's a lot of blessings to that.

01:16:58.780 I've spent some time up there on Isle of Burr Island out there eating lemon ices and being natural out there.

01:17:04.700 Let's hear more.

01:17:05.860 I've lived here my whole life.

01:17:08.420 I'm half Viet Cong and half American.

01:17:12.220 My parents met during the war.

01:17:14.180 Oh, wow.

01:17:15.380 That's beautiful, man.

01:17:17.520 Dude, you know what?

01:17:18.440 You know what has got to be wild for you then?

01:17:20.740 And this is just me.

01:17:21.780 I don't know if it's judgment or just guess.

01:17:23.640 I don't know what this is.

01:17:24.800 But man, that you're a product of a war.

01:17:27.180 You know?

01:17:30.400 Half Viet Cong or half Vietnamese and half American.

01:17:34.900 Yeah, man.

01:17:35.720 Think about that.

01:17:37.200 That there's a war going on.

01:17:40.320 And babies.

01:17:43.360 And a baby was made.

01:17:44.340 That's, I mean, as beautiful, as sad as that is and as wild of a circle that is, that it's beautiful.

01:17:58.560 You know, babies are often the healing thing of a lot of different things.

01:18:01.800 You know, someone has a family and a baby and next thing you know, the families all come together.

01:18:05.380 And they all have one thing that they all love immediately in common.

01:18:08.200 And that's what it's about.

01:18:11.240 And when you see that with different races, you see a child that's black and white, you're like, oh, well, then you know that the family, they both love that child.

01:18:20.320 They both love that child.

01:18:22.480 And that's, I think, where all of it gets healed.

01:18:25.940 A lot of things take time.

01:18:28.000 And a lot of, like, the issues in America, some of them just take time.

01:18:31.240 The news wants to act like we're supposed to have everything fixed in a fucking day or a month.

01:18:35.240 But the news also doesn't even give a fuck.

01:18:37.520 And they don't do anything to help.

01:18:39.360 They just do stuff to hurt.

01:18:41.840 But when you see a child that has two different ethnicities, two different cultures, you're like, oh, that's the solution.

01:18:48.960 That's the solution.

01:18:49.980 And it really is.

01:18:51.140 Because then you know that there's two different cultures both loving the same thing as much as they can.

01:18:58.280 And that's the solution, man.

01:18:59.820 It's finding an equal point of love.

01:19:02.580 That's really what does bond, I think, people.

01:19:04.240 Anyway, I didn't mean to make this about my thoughts.

01:19:05.980 Let's hear more.

01:19:07.020 But anyway, my wife of 12 years died tragically last month.

01:19:13.440 Oh, man, I'm sorry to hear that.

01:19:17.840 I'm sorry, bud.

01:19:24.080 Let's hear more.

01:19:26.420 I never thought, you know, I'll never be the same again.

01:19:29.660 I never thought I'd be able to smile again.

01:19:32.020 But I asked my friend Chris at work what he listened to all day.

01:19:35.420 And he told me, Theo, I love your podcast.

01:19:40.360 You're the only reason I've smiled since my wife's death.

01:19:45.040 I just wanted to say thank you.

01:19:47.660 This is a never-ending struggle, but you're the only thing helping me through it.

01:19:51.680 And I love you, man.

01:19:54.120 Keep doing what you're doing.

01:19:55.360 And thank you.

01:19:56.120 Oh, thanks, dude.

01:19:58.740 That's sweet of you to say.

01:20:02.320 That's very nice of you to say that.

01:20:09.960 Yeah, I bet your wife was a lucky guy.

01:20:11.980 Oh, sorry.

01:20:12.980 Jesus.

01:20:13.300 I bet your wife was a lucky lady.

01:20:20.380 Man, I don't know what to say except thank you.

01:20:24.760 You know, it's kind of weird.

01:20:26.040 Like, I don't know.

01:20:27.140 Sometimes it's, like, more about listening.

01:20:28.780 So I wish I could hear more about your wife.

01:20:31.720 You know, I wish I could hear more about, like, you know, maybe ways that you guys like to laugh.

01:20:37.380 Or, you know, if you guys like to snuggle up at night, like, how you like to hug each other.

01:20:44.200 Or, you know, maybe if y'all like, you know, if you like to watch the same program.

01:20:54.540 Or if you, you know, I'm sure you probably know, like, how she likes her coffee or how she likes, you know, if you get to the restaurant early, what to order for her.

01:21:04.220 You know?

01:21:04.620 I bet there's a lot of nice little moments and things that you guys have that are special.

01:21:19.520 Yeah, and I bet it's been a real scary new journey for you.

01:21:28.520 And I just hope that you find a lot of peace.

01:21:30.480 And in that peace, I hope you find, you know, a lot of beautiful memories and thoughts and even living memories.

01:21:40.140 You know, memories that are so alive that they're memories but they're tapping you on the shoulder all the time.

01:21:45.440 They're kind of hanging on your back like a backpack.

01:21:47.080 And I hope you find a lot of those, too, to keep you comfortable.

01:21:53.060 Thanks for calling, man.

01:21:54.140 Happy Halloween.

01:21:55.420 And maybe your wife will stop by and visit.

01:21:57.600 I know maybe that's, I hope that's not like a morbid thought.

01:22:00.060 And I don't mean it like that.

01:22:01.180 But it's a magical time of year.

01:22:06.100 You know?

01:22:06.720 And I bet she's probably thinking about you, too.

01:22:08.540 But I'm glad that I could help bring a smile at some point.

01:22:13.680 You know, and I feel a lot of, I think some of, like, what I'm feeling even in my own life is just, you know, I just want to be, like, of service.

01:22:21.520 You know, I just want to be able to, you know, I just want to be able to, like, I don't know.

01:22:31.940 It's, like, you know, it's, like, you know, I grew up and I didn't have anything.

01:22:37.660 And then now, like, I have some stuff and it's, like, I don't know.

01:22:41.900 Still, the only thing I want to do is just feel okay.

01:22:47.040 You know, the only thing that I want to do is, like, I don't know.

01:22:54.600 I just want to be associated with stuff that helps out.

01:22:59.220 So, and I bet your wife also is probably going to really try and inspire you to do some neat things in the future.

01:23:05.820 You know, she's going to find a lot of neat ways probably to live through you.

01:23:10.700 And that can be a beautiful relationship, I bet.

01:23:15.120 You know, but I'm sure she's loving you wherever she is right now, man.

01:23:18.840 And I believe that you're going to see her again, you know, in a really, really neat or special place or realm.

01:23:24.860 And y'all might be foxes in the next life.

01:23:27.400 What about that, boy?

01:23:29.560 And what if maybe I'm in a little canoe and I come down the river and I see two foxes getting kind of foxy over there on the rocks.

01:23:36.600 And I'm like, dang, them some rocks foxes over there.

01:23:43.980 So, you never know, man.

01:23:45.560 Be ready.

01:23:46.460 You might want to start learning how to be, you know, dress up like a fox at the house.

01:23:50.520 Or, you know, learn how to run around on all fours.

01:23:54.280 Because, man, your lady's going to be looking to be frisky, too.

01:23:57.940 If she's ready to see you in that next realm.

01:24:00.900 But I love you, man.

01:24:01.820 Happy Halloween to you.

01:24:03.900 Let's take another call.

01:24:06.260 Hey, Theo.

01:24:06.740 My name's Alisa.

01:24:07.620 I'm 23.

01:24:08.840 I'm from Chicago.

01:24:09.780 I've been listening to your podcast now for like six months.

01:24:12.160 And I love it.

01:24:13.500 Thanks, Alisha.

01:24:14.460 And I love Chicago.

01:24:15.620 You know, I love Illinois.

01:24:16.800 Onward.

01:24:17.260 So cathartic and so funny.

01:24:19.840 I just had a question.

01:24:21.120 I guess it's like guy advice, dating advice.

01:24:23.860 Just because I'm seeing this guy right now.

01:24:26.040 He's 28 and he kind of seems like he has maybe like a similar upbringing as you in the sense

01:24:31.980 that he didn't have his dad around and his relationship with his mom was tumultuous to

01:24:39.080 say the least.

01:24:39.980 And I noticed that as we're dating, like he, there's days where he's just not talking to

01:24:46.500 me as much.

01:24:47.280 And like he seems so great the majority of the time.

01:24:50.880 But he also seems like he's having issues like connecting with me and being consistent.

01:24:56.820 And so I don't, I mean, he seems like he's interested in me.

01:24:59.560 But at the same time, I'm not sure.

01:25:01.460 Do you think that this is something I should bring up to him?

01:25:03.700 Do you think I should just give him his space?

01:25:05.360 Stop talking to him?

01:25:06.580 What was he like with women when you were 28?

01:25:09.520 And do you think that if he's not being super consistent with me with his communication that

01:25:15.740 I should just kind of like stop talking to him?

01:25:18.100 Or do you think that I should bring that up to him?

01:25:21.620 Thank you for the question.

01:25:22.880 Thanks for calling.

01:25:23.500 I think I can relate to this.

01:25:24.840 Some stuff I can't relate to.

01:25:28.020 You know, I think you have to decide what you want for you.

01:25:31.320 You know, if you're happy with the points that, you know, that it's just kind of a fun,

01:25:36.040 you know, if you're happy that it's just a fun time, you guys can enjoy each other's

01:25:40.900 company.

01:25:41.280 And when you guys are connected that it's great, then you just can rock that and you

01:25:47.320 guys can enjoy that together.

01:25:49.360 If you're looking for something further, you know, like more of a, you know, marital type

01:25:54.000 of adventure or do like a honeymoon or something, you know, or, you know, do marriage or something

01:25:59.420 where you're together all the time and you got to fight and stuff and also be in love,

01:26:03.700 then you might want to investigate what's going on a little bit further.

01:26:10.220 I think trying to be understanding is a good way to come at it because no matter what's

01:26:14.340 going on, he has an issue and it probably, you know, or he, there's some, whatever, there's

01:26:20.380 some behavior he does that doesn't settle.

01:26:22.540 It doesn't, you know, that boat doesn't dock correctly with you.

01:26:26.860 So you're like, okay, well, he's connected for a while and then he's kind of, you know,

01:26:30.860 maybe MIA or a little disconnected.

01:26:33.020 Yeah, I can feel that a hundred percent.

01:26:35.660 I mean, I'm so scared of that.

01:26:37.420 Like I just, and I'm scared of it.

01:26:39.420 People are like, well, you should just try.

01:26:40.700 You got to give it a shot.

01:26:41.560 I feel you.

01:26:42.780 But I mean, there's like a thing in my bones and my body that is just like, I mean, that

01:26:48.000 just, I turn into a Sasquatch when I think about being really connected where my, I mean,

01:26:53.400 every part of my being just runs, you know, like, and I'm not even running.

01:26:58.080 It's just running at its own pace in the, at its own will in the opposite direction.

01:27:04.380 But I'll say this, that I think just talk, you just talking to him about it and don't

01:27:10.440 want to accuse him, try and understand it from his perspective.

01:27:13.160 Cause here's what's going on with him is this, and it's something I'm still learning

01:27:16.320 all the time.

01:27:17.360 Like I, yeah, I'm thinking, okay, well here you got this man, you got this tender guy.

01:27:23.400 And he's being sweet.

01:27:24.880 And then sometimes he's being, you know, missing in action, you know, he's like a prisoner

01:27:29.360 of warriors and, and, but what's up with him?

01:27:34.740 So for him, he's connected and then he's not.

01:27:37.060 So he's pulling back a little bit.

01:27:40.640 Well, there must be some reason.

01:27:43.480 Maybe he doesn't want a full connection.

01:27:45.120 I think yeah, I would ask him, say, sometimes I noticed this.

01:27:49.240 I'm fine with it.

01:27:51.020 Do you want to talk about it?

01:27:53.980 And leave it there.

01:27:54.960 Let him, you know, meet him halfway.

01:27:59.720 And just try to be loving towards him.

01:28:02.220 You know, you can be loving towards him and then also decide whether or not the relationship

01:28:06.700 is for you.

01:28:08.760 You know?

01:28:10.500 And, and that's something that's missing a lot of times in this world.

01:28:14.420 And I'm not saying it's missing with you.

01:28:15.760 You sound like you really care because you're actually calling or thinking about it.

01:28:18.640 But sometimes connectivity is really hard for people and commitment is hard.

01:28:22.700 And, and I don't know.

01:28:27.260 And then at that point, yeah, you'll just have to maybe give it a chance, see what he

01:28:29.880 says and go from there.

01:28:30.820 But, but just, you can love yourself and respect yourself and the choice that you're going

01:28:36.180 to make.

01:28:36.880 And then at the same time, you can also lovingly approach him with, with seeing what's going

01:28:42.240 on with him.

01:28:42.840 So, but I, I appreciate the call.

01:28:46.380 I don't know if that was helpful or not, but that's what I said.

01:28:50.640 You know, that's all I had, that's all I have to say because I'm ready for some candy

01:28:54.140 soon because it's Halloween.

01:28:56.360 Okay.

01:28:56.760 Let's take another call.

01:28:57.720 Hey, Theo.

01:28:58.640 This is Michael from Iowa.

01:29:01.180 Hey, Michael.

01:29:01.880 For the Shire of the United States.

01:29:04.420 Gang gang.

01:29:05.580 I got a little dark artistry question for you.

01:29:08.900 Oh.

01:29:09.020 27 father for, and my wife is a little bit of a hippie and she wanted to try the placenta

01:29:15.680 on the second one.

01:29:17.120 So we kept the placenta on the second one, brought it home and we had a nice blender.

01:29:23.080 We had a Vitamix.

01:29:24.420 We still have it.

01:29:26.380 Dang.

01:29:28.180 Dang, dude.

01:29:30.480 You, you drilling up, um, baby parts and stuff for what?

01:29:37.120 What are y'all going to do?

01:29:39.120 Make a, um, like a, a moisture, a moisturizer or something?

01:29:44.220 Is this for what?

01:29:46.240 What is it?

01:29:47.220 Onward?

01:29:48.540 We'll ground that up, pour it out in ice cubes.

01:29:51.080 Ooh.

01:29:53.980 You got those stem cell hitters, dog.

01:29:56.140 You got placenta ice cubes.

01:29:58.780 Oh my God.

01:30:01.180 This is so Slytherin, bro.

01:30:03.100 This ain't no Hufflepuff cake right here.

01:30:05.120 More.

01:30:05.360 And plop those things in a smoothie every day.

01:30:09.240 I tried a couple and I don't know.

01:30:12.400 It was, you know, felt weird.

01:30:14.540 But the, uh, the questions are, uh, three-parter.

01:30:18.340 Number one, does that, does that make us cannibals?

01:30:22.980 Number one.

01:30:23.840 Okay.

01:30:24.340 Is it cannibals if you're eating part of your own children placenta?

01:30:27.860 I think it's how much you have.

01:30:29.660 You know, people have called it before about, you know, a lot of young guys when they're

01:30:34.700 14 or whatever, they bust a, you know, they bust a nudie out and they have a, you know,

01:30:40.800 and I'll be honest, and it's very growing up style.

01:30:43.700 They have a little dab of it on their tongue or they put a little in the back of their mouth,

01:30:47.420 you know, get a little, you know.

01:30:48.840 And that's doing, that's called full circle when you eat, you know, you know, you know,

01:30:56.380 even not eating, but when you haven't even just a little dab of your own yogurt.

01:30:59.700 So, if you're eating placenta fucking ice pops at the house with your lady, dog.

01:31:08.200 Dude, y'all about to end up on the episode of Snapped.

01:31:10.580 What are the rest of the questions?

01:31:11.840 Number two, have you tried placenta?

01:31:14.420 I've never had any center, bruh.

01:31:16.420 I don't do that, that baby wrapping paper, bruh.

01:31:19.020 That's, dude, that's the Lord's to-go box, man, and I'm not dealing with all that.

01:31:25.260 That's, you know, that's something special.

01:31:27.360 That's that ninth layer of skin, bruh.

01:31:30.700 That's, that's something different, man.

01:31:32.700 I ain't making, you guys, next thing you know, you're sitting at the house making wallets out of that shit and stuff.

01:31:37.260 You guys, this is the dark arts.

01:31:39.660 This is the dark arts, man.

01:31:42.660 Christ.

01:31:43.620 More?

01:31:44.520 And number three, I saved the fourth one.

01:31:48.100 Placenta, not to eat, just to fuck around with.

01:31:51.240 And I would like, maybe, I don't know, some input on what to do with it.

01:31:55.840 It's like nine months old, sit in the freezer.

01:31:57.860 So, yeah, I don't know.

01:32:02.380 Yeah, dude, I don't know either.

01:32:05.280 Don't call me when you guys are hiding body parts.

01:32:08.640 This ain't that kind of place.

01:32:10.080 You know, a lot of calls today, people have been sending in all kinds of stuff.

01:32:15.860 A lot of calls today with people, you know, running out, you know, dying animals and they're blaming it on a nine-year-old.

01:32:24.160 And then you got this guy, him and his wife's making freaking, you know, baby wrapping paper smoothies out here and drinking, you know, you know, doing suppositories of baby snot and all of that and hiding stem cells in their back door and their booties and all.

01:32:40.380 What is going on?

01:32:42.660 Dude, this is not.

01:32:43.680 I mean, look, I'm all for trying something new, but I don't know if I could sleep at night knowing that a little bit of your baby's in the freezer, bro.

01:32:53.960 I mean, I've tried some stuff, you know, my boy Duncan just sent me a bunch of elk, five-pound bucket of elk, but I've never done anything like that.

01:33:02.160 You know, I've never put any freaking BP butter, that baby scent of butter, that plus easy.

01:33:09.300 I don't know.

01:33:10.380 Jesus Christ.

01:33:11.540 I don't know what else to say, man.

01:33:13.060 All right, let's take a video call here that came in.

01:33:15.160 You can send in video calls through the website, theovon.com.

01:33:19.020 On the podcast link there, there are directions how to submit a video.

01:33:23.660 Onward.

01:33:25.320 Hey, Theo.

01:33:25.940 This is Grant from Portland, Oregon.

01:33:27.880 Hey, Grant.

01:33:28.640 What's up, man?

01:33:29.280 Thank you for calling, my friend.

01:33:31.060 Looking for some advice.

01:33:32.440 I'm a foreman at a paving company, and I just started my own paving company, and a lot of

01:33:37.120 the guys that I work with have seen me at the first paving company, and I was a shoveler

01:33:42.640 and a laborer.

01:33:43.820 I did a lot of hard work, but it came to a point where somebody would say, I don't want

01:33:47.400 to do that, and I would say, I want to do that, and I'd move up, and I'd learn new things,

01:33:52.000 and now I'm a foreman, and a lot of these guys have been there longer than me, so they

01:33:56.580 don't really respect me, and they don't really listen to what I say.

01:34:00.400 I'm just wondering if you've come up with a way to earn somebody's respect.

01:34:05.960 I mean, I work like crazy.

01:34:07.540 I bust my ass, and I'm dirty all the time, and I practically have no life, and I don't

01:34:12.980 really want to do that, and I also just don't want to be a dick to these guys.

01:34:16.120 I was just wondering if you had any advice.

01:34:18.100 Gang, gang.

01:34:19.380 Gang, gang, Grant.

01:34:20.280 Thank you for calling, man.

01:34:21.940 Just listen to you.

01:34:22.900 Here's what I would say.

01:34:23.500 Just keep showing up.

01:34:24.780 Keep showing up.

01:34:26.340 Keep showing up.

01:34:27.360 You know, I got into common here.

01:34:29.580 There's people like, oh, this guy can't do it.

01:34:31.100 He's from this side.

01:34:31.920 You know, he's from this background.

01:34:33.680 He's from this.

01:34:34.340 He's from that.

01:34:35.300 He can't do this job.

01:34:36.840 You know what?

01:34:37.280 I keep showing up.

01:34:38.860 I show up when they, you know, when I got to go, it cost me $500 to fly out to Toledo

01:34:44.360 once, you know, and I go show up, and I go to the next club, and I go show up, and for

01:34:49.140 14 years, I just go, I show up, I show up, I show up, and I do my job, and I don't be

01:34:55.620 mean to others, and, you know, I pray for my enemies, and I just try and stay, you know,

01:35:02.960 and just control what I can control, and you're going to have to work hard, man.

01:35:09.300 You're going to have to work hard, because it's not even that you're proving them wrong.

01:35:14.020 It's what you're doing, really.

01:35:15.560 You're proving you right, and that's the way to look at it.

01:35:20.360 This has nothing to do with them.

01:35:22.660 This just has to do with you, because you can't control what they think or do or anything

01:35:26.280 like that.

01:35:27.520 All you can control is you, man, and you show up, and you do it, and you don't have to

01:35:31.320 work with the same guys.

01:35:32.660 Look, man, people are always, you'll find somebody else looking for work.

01:35:35.760 You can get guys that will listen to you, and, you know, but you're going to have to show

01:35:39.300 up, and you're going to have to work hard.

01:35:41.360 That's what you're going to have to do, and eventually.

01:35:45.560 People will just see you that way, and the reason they'll see you that way is because

01:35:49.380 that's who you'll be.

01:35:51.460 You know, eventually, you just become what you've been doing, whatever it is.

01:36:00.300 If you haven't been, you know, you're becoming a foreman.

01:36:04.660 You're becoming a dancer.

01:36:09.200 You're becoming a, someone who, you know, you know, does magic.

01:36:15.060 Dude, for 15, for 10 years, the first 10 years of doing magic, people think you're just

01:36:19.320 some fucking crazy person who accidentally suffocated, you know, a few rabbits in a hat.

01:36:24.900 But then, but damn, boy, you fucking Larry Siegfried and, you know, Jeremy Davenport or

01:36:33.520 whatever those guys are from Las Vegas, those magical guys.

01:36:37.280 So it's just, you know, you just, but they had to show up and do it.

01:36:42.520 You know, a tiger bit one of those guys, but he fucking, now he does, he does magic.

01:36:46.720 He didn't even have a face.

01:36:47.640 But he had done the magic so long, he can still do the magic without a face, man.

01:36:53.480 And that's baffling.

01:36:56.200 And that's just consistency.

01:36:57.620 You just keep doing it.

01:36:59.280 And you show up and then, and then, and you'll be what you're working towards.

01:37:04.180 And you can do it, man.

01:37:05.420 I think you got it in you.

01:37:08.440 And it's not, and, and, and if, and if something gets a little testy, just say what you mean.

01:37:13.900 But don't say it mean.

01:37:15.340 That's what my brother always says to his children.

01:37:17.220 Say what you mean, but don't say it mean.

01:37:20.020 If they want to judge or whatever, that's fine.

01:37:22.940 Say, look, I'm just trying my best.

01:37:26.380 You know?

01:37:27.340 And every now and then, ask them for suggestions.

01:37:29.920 Make them feel a part of.

01:37:31.620 You know, it's because you have a position that's higher than somebody, doesn't mean that

01:37:35.240 you as a person are, or that you as somebody that can't be understanding to them, or that

01:37:40.200 can't include them.

01:37:42.240 You know, sometimes I'll know something or think I will, and I'll just ask somebody else

01:37:46.880 anyway.

01:37:49.740 Because then if they get to feel like they're helping me out, then it makes them feel good.

01:37:55.560 I think you're going to manage it just fine, man.

01:37:58.040 Just be confident in yourself and, and show up.

01:38:01.940 You can do it, bro.

01:38:03.660 A foreman, man.

01:38:04.720 Congratulations, man.

01:38:05.840 I applaud that.

01:38:06.720 You know, my brother one time, one day was cutting down trees, and he's climbing up there

01:38:12.200 with a damn chainsaw, dude, and we don't have real strong legs, so we could barely even

01:38:15.620 hold on to a tree.

01:38:17.460 You know?

01:38:18.400 We could barely even just barely hold on to a tree.

01:38:21.520 If it, if a little bit of wind blew, we would fall right off.

01:38:24.220 We're very weak inner, inner thigh muscles.

01:38:27.100 Like just, like violin strings, man.

01:38:29.560 Like just fucking E flats.

01:38:32.280 And, uh, and one day he's like, dude, he cut into a tree and it was full of bees.

01:38:37.060 And next thing you know, he's running into people's houses and they think he's a burglar

01:38:40.940 and he's not.

01:38:42.580 He's just a shitty chainsaw man running from bees.

01:38:45.760 But that day he decided, you know what?

01:38:48.740 I don't need to be the guy with the chainsaw.

01:38:50.880 I'm able to be the guy down at the bottom directing the guy with the chainsaw.

01:38:55.500 And fast forward eight years and my brother runs, um, an amazing, uh, uh, you know, he's

01:39:01.840 an arborist now and he's, runs an amazing tree company.

01:39:05.820 Um, and it's just because he decided for himself that one day he was going to be, that he wasn't

01:39:13.180 something that he outgrew, whatever it was, or that he wanted something else.

01:39:17.240 And at first people said, I'm sure this man, he's just a, he's just a chainsaw man that

01:39:23.300 bothers bees, but eventually they'll see you different.

01:39:28.540 And if you just show up and be different, but anyway, sorry, I just wanted to think about

01:39:33.180 my brother for a second.

01:39:34.200 So that's why I told you that, uh, we'll take this last call, man.

01:39:38.120 And then we're going to get out of here.

01:39:38.940 I know there's been a long episode and that's Halloween, man.

01:39:41.200 Um, and, and, and, uh, and that's what happens on the holidays.

01:39:45.380 We got to enjoy them and stay up with late with each other and do scary stuff.

01:39:51.480 Hey, yo, this is Jeff over in Detroit, man.

01:39:54.400 What's up, Jeff in Detroit.

01:39:55.720 Thank you for calling, sir.

01:39:57.500 Well, I call in bro.

01:39:59.660 Got some of the dark arts coming up.

01:40:01.980 Got my old man.

01:40:02.880 He's got that sickness.

01:40:04.880 Oh, wow.

01:40:05.980 Got that cancer in the lungs.

01:40:08.420 Oh man.

01:40:08.940 I'm sorry to hear that.

01:40:09.760 He got that cancer, bro.

01:40:11.880 And, you know, shit, man.

01:40:14.140 Torn up, man.

01:40:15.160 I mean, old man, he wasn't, he wasn't the greatest.

01:40:18.540 You know, he, uh, had to drink and had to shit.

01:40:22.240 By the time I was a teenager, you know, I had my own.

01:40:25.200 But, coming back to me, wants to reconnect, wants to be real now.

01:40:32.620 Torn, homie.

01:40:33.940 Don't know what to do.

01:40:35.040 Don't know how to think.

01:40:35.900 Ain't got that hate in my heart no more, Corn, but don't know if he deserves that forgiveness.

01:40:42.980 Just because you're sick.

01:40:45.080 It don't make all the past go away.

01:40:47.340 Don't make nothing go away.

01:40:49.300 I don't know, man.

01:40:50.160 Just sending my thoughts out there to the world.

01:40:53.120 You and your people, they all good people.

01:40:55.660 See what you think.

01:40:56.260 Gang, man.

01:40:57.860 Thank you for your call.

01:41:01.620 Wow.

01:41:02.200 That's a lot.

01:41:05.020 You know, that's a lot.

01:41:06.060 And that's what life is about, man.

01:41:07.600 Is, uh, is, is feeling things.

01:41:11.160 And you're right there.

01:41:12.760 You know, you have a father who wasn't a big part of your life.

01:41:15.160 And now he has terminal cancer.

01:41:17.120 And now he's coming back to you and wants to connect.

01:41:19.260 You know, I realize in my own life that, well, look, I won't even make this about me, man.

01:41:29.920 You know, you have, just, just because he might not have been a good father or wasn't capable of being a good father.

01:41:39.280 You know, some people aren't capable.

01:41:41.440 They're just not capable.

01:41:43.460 And now you suffer that.

01:41:45.560 And in some ways he probably suffered it too.

01:41:47.500 You know, I find it hard to believe that there's not a deadbeat dad out there who doesn't think of their son when they fall asleep at night, even if they haven't seen him in a long time.

01:42:01.520 And even though, you know, like, you know, he wasn't the best father, you could still be a good son.

01:42:09.520 And that can be in whatever, yeah.

01:42:12.320 You know, you don't have to make up feelings of love for him, but you can still be a loving human.

01:42:17.500 You know, you can still be a good son.

01:42:22.920 And that defines a lot about you.

01:42:27.960 You know, because his definition of where, of you, you know, he wrote a lot of his definition of you guys.

01:42:34.440 But you haven't finished writing your definition of you guys.

01:42:37.160 And I think to be able to say, you know, to yourself years from now, that you were a good son.

01:42:47.620 You know, that you loved your father even when he wasn't capable of loving you.

01:42:56.740 You know, he's the one who's sick now.

01:42:58.600 He's the one who maybe needs some help.

01:43:00.500 He's the one who's struggling.

01:43:02.100 You're kind of the father right now.

01:43:07.320 You know?

01:43:08.020 And it's a big sacrifice because it's, you know, there's going to be, there will be needs that are deep inside of you.

01:43:13.520 You'll never get met.

01:43:14.780 You'll never get them met.

01:43:19.000 You know, but to set that to the side for now and try and be loving.

01:43:23.700 And just, you know, I think even just making any effort is huge by you.

01:43:33.980 Because you have a chance to decide what kind of son you want to be, you know.

01:43:38.520 And even if you don't, if you decide not to do anything, then you can still do that too.

01:43:46.020 You know, and you, and there's no, there's no loss here.

01:43:49.040 There's no loss.

01:43:53.920 But I'd hate for you to, I'd hate for you to look back on this in the future and, and wish that you had done it differently.

01:44:05.440 You know, because it takes a lot to love somebody that didn't, that wronged you.

01:44:17.840 Or that didn't, you know, that you feel like didn't love you or couldn't express love to you.

01:44:21.500 It takes a lot, man.

01:44:23.380 But man, that's powerful.

01:44:27.340 That's powerful.

01:44:28.100 And you have the ability to change his heart, I think.

01:44:29.860 Because if you show him how much, how loving you can be, he's going to realize that there's only one place that he could, that you could have gotten that ability to love from.

01:44:42.860 And that's from him.

01:44:45.080 And from your mother, because, you know, that's, you're, you're them.

01:44:49.600 And man, that's going to be powerful.

01:44:51.260 When that resonates in his heart, that he's able to create something that could love that much, it's going to make him realize that he could have loved that much, you know.

01:45:01.260 And maybe that'll be the little, the unlocking of the chasm that shows him that he can, you know.

01:45:06.720 But I'm sorry to hear that about your father.

01:45:08.860 And I wish you love and luck, bro.

01:45:11.480 Onward, man.

01:45:13.160 In some way, shape, or form, we got to move onward.

01:45:16.460 It's that time of year, you know.

01:45:17.980 You know, you can take something that's been haunting you for a while and you can put a new light in, you can put a new little light in.

01:45:27.180 And you can start a new adventure with an old pumpkin.

01:45:33.080 Anything can happen, man.

01:45:34.280 It's that time of year.

01:45:35.820 Keep your chakras open.

01:45:40.240 You can do it.

01:45:42.180 Be good to yourself.

01:45:45.020 You probably deserve it, man.

01:45:47.980 I, uh...

01:45:49.860 I'm going to take us out here with the song that brought us in.

01:45:57.260 Vampires Suck by John Bjork.

01:46:00.320 Happy Halloween, man.

01:46:01.300 I love you guys.

01:46:02.220 Gang.

01:46:02.500 Gang.

01:46:02.600 Gang.

01:46:02.720 Gang.

01:46:03.500 Gang.

01:46:03.600 Gang.

01:46:04.600 Gang.

01:46:05.600 Gang.

01:46:06.500 Gang.

01:46:06.540 Gang.

01:46:06.600 Gang.

01:46:06.660 Gang.

01:46:08.600 Gang.

01:46:10.600 Gang.

01:46:12.600 Gang.

01:46:14.540 Gang.

01:46:14.600 Gang.

01:46:15.600 Gang.

01:46:16.540 Gang.

01:46:16.600 Gang.

01:46:17.540 Gang.

01:46:29.700 Gang.

01:46:31.980 Gang.

01:46:32.880 Parl.

01:46:37.680 Gang.

01:46:38.440 Vampires.

01:46:40.620 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club.

01:46:44.800 A podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

01:46:52.580 The answer may shock you.

01:46:54.300 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

01:46:56.360 Sometimes I won't.

01:46:58.040 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

01:47:00.980 You have three new voice messages.

01:47:03.960 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

01:47:06.900 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.

01:47:09.560 Longer than anybody else.

01:47:11.180 So great.

01:47:12.320 Hi.

01:47:13.200 Swaya.

01:47:14.200 Easy deal.

01:47:15.560 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.

01:47:19.480 Do you know what I mean?

01:47:20.460 Hi.

01:47:21.620 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

01:47:24.560 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:47:26.640 Oh, no.

01:47:28.940 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

01:47:31.180 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:47:35.500 Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:47:39.760 Third rule.

01:47:40.720 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.

01:47:42.920 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:47:45.540 And yes, don't worry.

01:47:46.760 My Brad Pitt impression will get better.

01:47:48.600 Thank you.

01:47:48.860 Oh, my God.

01:47:53.840 Thank you.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - October 29, 2018

Show Up ｜ This Past Weekend #143

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