This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Snow Day

00:00:00.000 Ah, well, here we go.

00:00:10.340 About that time, baby.

00:00:16.240 About that time.

00:00:22.780 There you go, baby.

00:00:24.840 Tonight is a night.

00:00:35.020 Well.

00:00:42.480 Okay.

00:00:45.360 Well, I downloaded that song and I didn't, I thought it was just about, I thought it was

00:00:50.880 just instrumental and I thought it was just going to be about, uh, about snow and apparently

00:00:58.020 it's about December.

00:00:59.480 So, you know, I'm not trying to be a time traveler, so I'm going to shut it down.

00:01:05.420 Um, good morning, good day, good evening, whatever time it is for you.

00:01:11.480 Um, grateful to be here today with you.

00:01:14.140 It is, uh, February, February 11th in the year 2019.

00:01:22.960 And, um, and it's snowing, dude, it is snowed up over here.

00:01:29.140 I mean, it is really snowy and I'm in Columbus, Ohio.

00:01:32.440 And snow is wild, man.

00:01:36.440 Think about snow.

00:01:38.520 Think about snow.

00:01:40.400 I mean, snow.

00:01:43.820 What is it?

00:01:45.500 We don't know.

00:01:47.880 I mean, we know that two, you know, two cold things, you know, they start doing sex or something

00:01:55.720 up way up in the sky and next thing, you know, they snow and they're, you know, they start

00:02:02.140 shedding little snow, you know, just spraying out a little bit of snow out of them.

00:02:07.600 And that's beautiful, man.

00:02:09.580 And it's really, I mean, it's just hitting everywhere out here.

00:02:12.680 Snow.

00:02:13.540 They got snow, snow men.

00:02:16.680 People are building snow men, snow women.

00:02:19.620 Um, they got a transgender, you know, they put a couple of, uh, you know, they took the

00:02:25.280 carrot off of it and, um, put like just, you know, like a little, you know, somebody put

00:02:31.580 over the crotch, one of those, um, you know, like a Rubik's cube.

00:02:36.880 So anything could happen down there in a crotch for some of the snowmen and people are just

00:02:41.500 enjoying the time out here.

00:02:42.940 And, and I'm here in the middle of America in Columbus, Ohio, and it's snowing.

00:02:48.920 I didn't think it was going to be snowing.

00:02:50.740 You know, I was taking a nap and I was dreaming about, you know, I was, uh, I was, where was

00:02:58.580 I?

00:02:58.880 I was at a, um, Kurt, at a curtain shop, you know, and I was, uh, looking at different

00:03:04.840 curtains and stuff.

00:03:06.280 And, um, and then next thing, you know, I wake up and I'm thinking, you know, I'm not

00:03:13.540 thinking anything cause I just woke up.

00:03:15.560 I thought I was looking for curtains, you know, but really I'm fucking in a, in a hotel.

00:03:21.360 And then, uh, I come and look out the window and it's snow and man, it's beautiful.

00:03:27.420 And it's wild to think that we're just on this planet.

00:03:30.580 We're on a ball of dirt and water in the middle of nowhere.

00:03:36.480 And suddenly a bunch of cold shit falls on you.

00:03:40.100 I mean, what is it?

00:03:46.460 What's going on?

00:03:48.340 Is there a greater plan?

00:03:49.560 I wish I'd have picked a better intro song, but sometimes you don't pick the right intro

00:03:53.600 music.

00:03:54.080 You know, I remember at, uh, my grandfather's funeral, um, somebody, the DJ accidentally

00:04:02.160 played that song.

00:04:03.380 Uh, it was a ludicrous song.

00:04:06.420 What did ludicrous say?

00:04:08.280 Um, it was the one, uh, where he dresses up like in the videos with like the, uh, ludicrous,

00:04:16.540 you know, he have the, um, the, uh, incredible whole hands on anyway.

00:04:24.800 But imagine you being there at the grandfather's funeral and they got the, you know, the DJ.

00:04:29.100 Oh, uh, get back.

00:04:30.560 He played ludicrous.

00:04:31.460 Get back, get back, get back.

00:04:33.900 You don't know me like that.

00:04:35.900 At my grandfather's funeral.

00:04:37.120 He, you know, the guy messed up at the wake.

00:04:38.860 They had like a musical guy at the wake.

00:04:41.380 And next thing you know, everybody's like, Jesus, you know, they're like, man, that, that

00:04:47.900 old dude must've been into some wild shit.

00:04:49.500 If he's listening, if they're playing ludicrous at his funeral, um, but, but good to be here

00:04:55.620 with you guys, man.

00:04:56.300 I had quite a weekend here.

00:04:57.560 I've been here in Columbus, Ohio.

00:04:59.740 Uh, thank you to everybody that came out.

00:05:02.140 You know, I, I, I always say that and, um, and, uh, man, it's just been great.

00:05:08.460 I still have shows tonight.

00:05:09.460 It's Sunday right now.

00:05:11.080 And what have I been doing?

00:05:13.140 You know, it's Sunday.

00:05:14.340 I, uh, I, I'm thinking about maybe going for a run.

00:05:17.420 I, um, indoors, dude, I ain't running outdoors in the snow.

00:05:22.840 That'd be crazy.

00:05:25.200 If my legs were nicer, I would do it.

00:05:27.820 If my legs were nicer, I would do it.

00:05:29.680 I would get out there.

00:05:30.380 I think, but yeah, a lot of great people have come out.

00:05:33.560 A lot of people with blue eyes and I don't know if there's something going on, you know,

00:05:40.360 if more, I mean, this one guy came out the other night with these, you know, these just

00:05:46.680 fucking baby blue, just balls of the Lord's fucking booyah bass in his face.

00:05:53.960 This dude had just, oh man, you, if you looked in his eyes, you didn't, you didn't know where

00:05:58.700 you were.

00:06:00.160 You could be molested or, you know, or anything while you were looking at it.

00:06:04.880 You don't even know somebody steal your shirt, steal your, you know, your 401k.

00:06:09.960 They take everything.

00:06:11.360 They'll take the stairs off your house.

00:06:13.060 They'll take the front stair walk off your house.

00:06:15.120 You'll, you'll open the door and fucking fall face first out into the shit.

00:06:19.040 I mean, this dude had some just blue hitters in his face.

00:06:22.760 I don't know what, I mean, it looked like, like he'd stolen them out of a museum.

00:06:28.480 Like he hired Nicholas Cage to go out there and find him a set of eyes.

00:06:32.400 Cause this dude had some, I mean, just like, just like little pieces of Plymouth rock.

00:06:39.020 Somebody put them in his damn face, in his head.

00:06:40.880 I mean, I would have had a dude, if I had eyes that nice, I'd have a fucking Doberman

00:06:45.220 Pinscher out there watching them.

00:06:47.420 You know, I'd have a damn Rottweiler.

00:06:50.820 Dude, I'd have a, I would have a Rottweiler watching my eyes at all times.

00:06:58.140 Cause I'd be worried somebody's going to show up with a sharp spoon and just scoop me out

00:07:02.020 and wear my visuals around their neck.

00:07:04.800 You know, somebody, you know, one of those people in a fancy, you know, uh, a dictator

00:07:10.320 or somebody like that.

00:07:11.380 Maybe somebody in Africa, one of those, you know, uh, Sierra Leone, one of those people

00:07:16.100 that are stealing, you know, whatever doing all of that.

00:07:20.280 Um, I want to tell you about a couple of things though, some updates, you know, today is the

00:07:25.360 day we're going to announce those Australia dates and I'm so excited.

00:07:29.660 Uh, man, I can't even imagine that I'm going to go to Australia and that's so bizarre to

00:07:38.400 think that I'm going to go to Australia, to another country and that people are going to

00:07:42.360 come out to see the shows.

00:07:44.480 That's just bad.

00:07:45.380 I mean, it's, that's just be honest.

00:07:48.640 I can't even, I don't even know how it makes sense.

00:07:52.160 You know, I don't even know how it makes sense, but I'm really excited about it.

00:07:55.680 I'm going to let you know this right now.

00:07:57.180 You know, today's episode is brought to you by gray block pizza and gray block pizza.

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00:08:15.600 I also want to let you know that today's episode is brought to you by, by, um, hold on.

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00:09:38.180 A lot of different nuts and everything have good fats in them.

00:09:41.020 And that's what I used to say, you know, if a girl was thinking about giving me a blow

00:09:45.020 job, I said, you know, nuts really got a lot of healthy fat in them.

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00:10:23.740 a special discounted copy of the Meathead Manifesto.

00:10:28.280 And I used to be a meathead, man.

00:10:31.680 I used to get, you know, I used to get straight up damn meaty out there, dude.

00:10:35.640 So you can support small businesses like we do here at This Past Weekend.

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00:10:43.220 An author.

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00:10:47.640 That's that Meathead Manifesto.

00:10:50.620 And you know, you've seen these beasties in the gym.

00:10:53.260 You know, some dude got, you know, I mean, just, you know, he's just done so many reps.

00:11:01.480 He just, you know, he does curls and all the pimples on his face pop at once.

00:11:07.140 Just, you know, shatters his fucking taste buds.

00:11:12.320 Everything just flies right out of his mouth.

00:11:14.840 You know, just, you know, just creaming out of his own pores.

00:11:18.520 You know, he's all hopped up on protein powder.

00:11:21.300 One of those guys that's usually, a lot of times you'll see them like dripping liquid protein into their eyeballs.

00:11:27.960 And, you know, some of them will even take a damn McNugget and, you know, do them suppositories just to get a couple extra grams in the old B-hole.

00:11:36.960 You know, they're like that.

00:11:37.940 People that just got to have that protein.

00:11:39.760 Some of them will fucking suck an egg right out of a chicken's booty.

00:11:45.500 You know it.

00:11:46.640 Just to get that extra six grams that's in an egg.

00:11:50.800 And, you know, an egg has six grams of protein in it.

00:11:53.000 Isn't that pretty wild?

00:11:54.660 And then, I guess it's not that wild, actually.

00:11:58.800 So, but let's get in.

00:12:00.640 I'm going to announce the dates in just a minute.

00:12:02.180 Let's get into a call or two real quick that came in.

00:12:04.840 Here we go.

00:12:05.700 Yo, what's up, D.O.?

00:12:07.000 My name is Dylan.

00:12:08.500 I'm here with my brother Nick.

00:12:09.600 We're from upstate New York.

00:12:12.380 Gang, gang, Nick and Dylan.

00:12:14.500 And upstate New York, that is neck tat country.

00:12:17.800 So, if you ever wondered, you know, do I have a neck tat or what does it seem like to have a neck tattoo?

00:12:24.960 Well, go to upstate New York and meet a couple ladies or a couple men.

00:12:29.020 And, you know, sometimes they'll have turtlenecks if they're ashamed of themselves.

00:12:33.560 And you've got to peel down that turtleneck and you can see usually they've got a picture of, you know, like a little, they'll do sometime a, you know, if it's a guy that's been to prison, he'll have like a weird mix of shit, like a gun and then like a little Mickey Mouse and a Minnie Mouse or something.

00:12:50.260 Sometime ladies will have like a soup spoon or, you know, a garbage plate or something.

00:12:56.480 If they're from Rochester, they'll have that tattoo to stack a meat and cheese on their neck.

00:13:01.080 Thank you for calling, fellas.

00:13:02.180 I see you on that Business and Biceps podcast, bro.

00:13:06.100 I'm a big fan of Corey G and Johnny Bosco and Mo C.

00:13:10.660 You know, I follow Corey G's workouts.

00:13:13.340 The dude is insane.

00:13:16.060 But what he does works.

00:13:17.500 All those guys, you know, they got some good shit going on there.

00:13:20.060 And I was just wondering what you take from those guys and what you learned and apply to your life.

00:13:25.940 I think it's helped a lot with my personal development and growth.

00:13:28.420 So, yeah, I was wondering what you learned from them.

00:13:30.960 Gang, gang, homie.

00:13:32.340 Gang, Papa.

00:13:33.340 Thank you for the call.

00:13:34.980 And you know what?

00:13:35.460 This is what I did while I was here.

00:13:37.640 You know, there wasn't a lot of time.

00:13:39.280 Because here's the thing.

00:13:41.660 Like, I fly into Columbus, right?

00:13:43.320 I lose three hours on the flight.

00:13:45.400 So, I leave at 6 a.m.

00:13:47.680 You know, I got up at 445, right?

00:13:51.220 And I'm not complaining.

00:13:52.420 I'm grateful.

00:13:52.960 Because I get to do something that I love.

00:13:57.160 I get to come and see a lot of dope people and some real questionable people as well.

00:14:01.780 But, you know, I get out there and next thing you know, I fly here.

00:14:05.360 So, you lose that three hours.

00:14:06.800 You get off the plane.

00:14:07.860 You get to the hotel.

00:14:08.960 You get settled.

00:14:09.640 You hit the shows, you know?

00:14:12.220 And you do it like that.

00:14:13.440 And you barely got a time to get a little bit of, you know, you know, to put some freshener on your skin or get freshened up or to even really, you know, fold your clothes or something.

00:14:24.360 And I don't like to take my clothes out of my bag.

00:14:27.240 When I'm traveling, I don't, I keep my clothes in my bag, dude.

00:14:32.680 I don't even know whose furniture this is.

00:14:34.560 When I'm in the hotel room, whose fucking furniture is it?

00:14:37.820 Not mine, bro.

00:14:38.820 You think I'm putting my furniture in your, you know, little shiffer robe or drawer set?

00:14:46.080 So, what?

00:14:46.780 If I leave it, you get my shit, bro?

00:14:49.880 A lot of these furniture, these things, they're just traps.

00:14:53.100 Like, hey, why don't you forget some shit in this thing over here?

00:14:57.220 Oh, here's a nice place for you to forget some shit that you probably really want to not forget.

00:15:05.000 That's what all it is, man.

00:15:06.500 Why do you think everything in a motel or hotel has drawers and stuff on it?

00:15:10.960 Because they want you to leave shit.

00:15:14.620 Oh, what is that?

00:15:15.740 You left that?

00:15:17.500 Oh, you, oh, you left that.

00:15:19.600 A little bit of cash, left a wallet.

00:15:22.260 Fucking, if somebody left a Bible, I was in half these places.

00:15:26.300 You know, you left a little refrigerator.

00:15:28.200 Somebody left in one of these, you know, I was at these, you know, the embassy suites.

00:15:34.340 And they had somebody left a fucking for a little, probably some damn fucking redneck.

00:15:38.840 You know it, boy.

00:15:40.180 Some beautiful coon ass brought a damn, you know, a little frigidaire.

00:15:47.100 You know, somebody that, I guess, want to have cold, you know, cold cuts or whatever close to them.

00:15:55.100 And they left it in a damn, I don't know why they even put it in there.

00:15:59.860 But they fucking, you know, people like that, you know, real people, they do real shit.

00:16:04.980 Like, put a frigidaire in a damn chest of drawers.

00:16:09.600 But that's all, a hotel room is just a place for you to lose shit.

00:16:12.700 Drop an earring, lose a wedding ring.

00:16:15.520 You know, the bedsheets, if you lose your, you ever lost a sock?

00:16:19.200 Have you ever lost a sock in a motel bedsheet area?

00:16:26.400 Dude, take your socks off before you go to bed.

00:16:29.580 Leave them in the bed with you.

00:16:30.800 You'll never see those bitches again, bro.

00:16:32.840 They just fucking straight up Narnia down at the bottom.

00:16:37.020 They got 19 layers of sheets.

00:16:39.040 Them bitches is young.

00:16:41.900 I tell you this, probably one of the people that, you know, the cleaning ladies or somebody that works at the front desk, the night manager.

00:16:48.640 He always got a, you know, probably his name is Mr. Patrick or something.

00:16:52.740 That motherfucker up there wearing your socks by morning.

00:16:57.040 You know, the sock fairy comes and just, just socks your shit out.

00:17:01.700 And that's sexual harassment, bro.

00:17:03.980 Grade A.

00:17:05.320 Hashtag feet too, baby.

00:17:07.760 Feet too.

00:17:09.360 I mean, I'll tell you, that's what I'm saying.

00:17:11.040 These, these rooms are built to steal your shit.

00:17:13.080 The carpet is always a special pattern.

00:17:15.780 You, you set someone, you never see it again.

00:17:18.220 It could be anything.

00:17:19.460 You'll set a damn four-year-old on the floor.

00:17:21.260 You'll never see him.

00:17:21.980 He blend right into the damn carpet.

00:17:23.640 So you got to be careful because motel rooms is set up to steal your shit.

00:17:30.200 But anyway, oh, you asked the business and biceps crew.

00:17:33.080 I went over there and I did an episode of their podcast.

00:17:35.800 And man, it was great.

00:17:37.480 You know, it was something that I really needed actually.

00:17:39.740 And those guys are Maurice Claret, John Fosco, and, and Corey G.

00:17:47.420 And one of them is a male model, you know, which is, is what it is.

00:17:52.020 But it's, you know, they're good people.

00:17:54.300 Maurice Claret is a famed athlete.

00:17:56.920 And a, um, and he works with, uh, people in recovery and people, you know, getting their

00:18:04.360 lives on track and people, uh, getting themselves, um, better emotionally acclimated, uh, to the

00:18:09.980 world.

00:18:10.780 Um, and John Fosco does the marketing.

00:18:15.420 He's, he was marketing for UFC for a long time with Dana White.

00:18:18.540 And now he does, uh, he's had some of his own businesses.

00:18:20.980 They're all businessmen and they're based out of here in Ohio.

00:18:24.120 And they came on my pod on this, on this, this, this past weekend, about six months ago.

00:18:30.440 And, um, and I was happy, man.

00:18:32.580 We had a great time.

00:18:33.940 Drove out there.

00:18:35.040 They got a cool studio and we kicked it.

00:18:38.100 And, uh, you know, I got a lot more from them, honestly, than I was really expecting.

00:18:45.760 Um, now for Maurice, I feel he is a, I mean, he is just like a, he's like the garden of

00:18:54.060 Eden when it comes to being able to, I think really offer clear and concise and relatable

00:19:01.340 help to people that struggle.

00:19:04.020 Um, so him, I kind of, you know, I, I like him.

00:19:08.460 He's like this, this fountain of truth a little bit that you can go around and, you know, it

00:19:12.600 just, uh, he, he has some real special gifts.

00:19:14.660 So I love listening to him and the other two guys, you know, it's, I didn't know what I

00:19:18.940 was going to get sometimes.

00:19:19.940 I mean, I, I've listened to some episodes of their pod, but, but this, it was really

00:19:23.720 great, man.

00:19:24.760 You know, they, they, we talked about what's going on with me with business and, um, and

00:19:31.580 just sometimes how I feel like what keeps me from maybe achieving some of my dreams, like

00:19:37.340 really just like embracing the confidence of just my dream, you know, just like saying,

00:19:44.380 this is mine, you know, this, uh, this is my destiny and, you know, not second guessing

00:19:49.100 myself and, and really trying to be more of, um, I guess, not being afraid to be a leader,

00:19:54.660 uh, of myself really, you know, not of others, but really just to be able to not be afraid

00:20:01.920 to lead myself.

00:20:04.340 Um, so it was interesting.

00:20:06.560 It left me with a lot of things to think about and it was great.

00:20:09.160 It was honestly a really, I thought it was a real heartfelt episode.

00:20:12.260 So, uh, and it was nice to not have to steer the show and just to be a, to be a guest.

00:20:19.420 You know, I like being a guest, you know, um, and there was funny all my life.

00:20:25.740 I've liked being a guest.

00:20:26.780 I love going over to people's houses.

00:20:28.360 I love being, you know, I always get more nervous when people come into my area and I

00:20:34.420 do better when I go into somebody else's area, but it was, man, it was, it was great.

00:20:38.440 It was one of the, it was one of the best times I've had on a podcast and that's saying

00:20:41.620 a lot.

00:20:41.940 Cause I've, you know, been able to be fortunate and listen to some real guys, uh, and share

00:20:46.260 some time with some real different pods.

00:20:48.340 Um, but thanks for calling gang gang, man.

00:20:51.080 And I just added some dates actually in New York city and that's May, I think third and

00:20:54.620 fourth or fourth and fifth.

00:20:56.540 Um, let's take this call that came in right here.

00:20:58.720 Here we go.

00:20:59.160 Hey, Theo, it's a George from Melbourne, Australia.

00:21:04.160 Hello, Joe.

00:21:05.320 Uh, that's not, that's a British accent.

00:21:06.640 I'm sorry.

00:21:06.940 I'm not going to try to impersonate your accent.

00:21:09.520 Um, hello, George.

00:21:10.560 Thank you for calling me.

00:21:12.540 Um, I'm calling because I have a whole heap of spare time on my hands and I guess that's

00:21:18.940 why I'm calling into this podcast.

00:21:21.580 Well, better than masturbating and just touching yourself.

00:21:24.500 And that's what I used to do.

00:21:26.000 But I think right now I'm like 70 days off of no masturbation, uh, pornography.

00:21:31.220 Sorry.

00:21:31.900 I fucking came recently, but off of pornography, you know, I bust still, but I'm not watching

00:21:36.940 them, them titty vitties.

00:21:39.440 You feel me?

00:21:39.940 Let's hear more, George.

00:21:41.320 But I just don't know what to do with all this time, man.

00:21:45.600 What, what do you think?

00:21:46.640 If you had all this spare time, if you had heaps of free time, what would you do?

00:21:50.860 Um, fly a kite, learn a skill, go searching.

00:21:54.640 Who knows?

00:21:56.320 Cheers.

00:21:56.760 Keep up the good work.

00:21:57.720 George.

00:21:58.480 George.

00:21:59.520 Dude, well, first of all, if I was in Australia and I had free time, I would try to do that,

00:22:05.940 uh, get a little bit of that, that fucking kangaroo belly.

00:22:10.220 You feel me?

00:22:11.600 Every time I leave this on, what's wrong with me?

00:22:14.780 I would try to get that kangaroo belly where you sneak up on a kangaroo and try to get

00:22:18.000 your hand in that little fricking, you know, in that, that pocket, bam, boy, hit him with

00:22:24.120 that, bam, and get one hand in there if you can.

00:22:27.020 And if you can, if you get two hands in there, bro, you're going to heaven.

00:22:31.500 You know that if you look, if you can approach a stranger, rude, that's what I call them.

00:22:40.600 A kangaroo.

00:22:41.140 You don't know.

00:22:42.880 Cause do kangaroos fight?

00:22:45.200 Okay.

00:22:46.500 They're the, I mean, kangaroos are the damn, you know, they're the George St.

00:22:51.040 Pierre is a fucking, you know, the far East Australia.

00:22:55.660 And they will, they fight.

00:22:57.340 Dude, you put a couple of dollars down between two kangaroos, they'll beat the fuck out of

00:23:01.740 each other, man.

00:23:03.340 I mean, it's like, I mean, it's wild, you know, this is some damn, you know, they're real animals.

00:23:11.620 But if you get that one hand in there, in that pocket, if you get both hands in that kangaroo

00:23:16.700 pocket, boy, you're going to heaven, dude.

00:23:20.160 And that's that KP challenge, bro, that, that kangaroo pocket challenge.

00:23:23.980 And see if you could sneak up on a strangeroo, one you don't know, and get both hands in

00:23:28.400 his pocket.

00:23:30.120 Ooh, good luck with that shit.

00:23:32.840 But what would I do with my spare time, brother?

00:23:34.500 I will tell you right now, I would, uh, I'd probably go visit, I'd probably go see Theo

00:23:38.320 Vaughn in Australia.

00:23:40.080 Um, and the dates that I'm going to be there are, uh, Friday, every time, every time, um,

00:23:51.500 Friday, May 24th, uh, in Melbourne, uh, Melbourne, Melbourne, uh, Melbourne, Australia at Goldfields

00:24:00.760 Theatre, Saturday, May 25th at the Metro Theatre in Sydney, Sunday, May 26th in Perth at the

00:24:09.920 Astor Theatre, Astor Theatre, and Saturday, June 1st in Brisbane at the Plaza Auditorium.

00:24:19.680 Um, so I'm very excited.

00:24:23.220 Melbourne, Sydney, Perth, and Brisbane, uh, Goldfields Theatre, Metro Theatre, Astor Theatre, and

00:24:28.700 Plaza Auditorium.

00:24:30.260 Man, that's current.

00:24:31.380 I mean, this is just wild, you know, to think that I'm gonna go to Australia and do shows,

00:24:39.540 man.

00:24:39.800 I'm so excited.

00:24:40.780 And, you know, I'm nervous, I guess, cause I don't know if, you know, I'm just worried,

00:24:45.480 like, what if some of the jokes don't go or people don't know what I'm talking about,

00:24:49.440 but I guess I can just try and think about it before and, uh, and do my best, dude, you

00:24:57.220 know, and do my best.

00:24:58.440 Um, so pretty cool, man.

00:25:01.860 I'm really honored and I'm really, really excited as well.

00:25:04.840 We had New York dates, just went on sale.

00:25:06.600 Those tickets at Caroline's on Broadway, May 3rd and 4th.

00:25:10.000 Otherwise, West Palm Beach, Kansas City, Phoenix, San Jose, Atlantic City, and the new shows,

00:25:16.340 uh, Boston, uh, Medford, uh, in Medford, uh, Massachusetts at the Chevalier Theatre.

00:25:23.940 Uh, otherwise I'll see you in Houston, February 21st and 23rd.

00:25:29.080 So thank you so much too from everybody from Australia, man.

00:25:31.720 I've gotten, I bet I've gotten probably 600 DMs, um, about people asking and, you know,

00:25:39.640 and just asking me to come.

00:25:41.220 And so, you know, I feel honored to feel welcome and thank you very much.

00:25:46.360 And, uh, I'm kind of scared.

00:25:47.960 I'm excited.

00:25:49.220 You know, this is just crazy, man.

00:25:51.420 You know, it's crazy that I get to live my dreams and, you know, and I, and I do, I want

00:25:56.460 to try and work on just being more confident and just embracing, you know, embracing my

00:26:01.020 dreams and not feeling bad about, sometimes I feel bad about, uh, the opportunities that

00:26:08.020 I have or that I'm getting for some reason.

00:26:10.640 It's so weird, man.

00:26:12.420 You know, I feel bad about the opportunities.

00:26:14.560 I feel like, I don't know.

00:26:17.520 Sometimes I just feel like ashamed of, of even getting good opportunities.

00:26:21.200 You know, it's just something that's in my head that, you know, that doesn't want me

00:26:25.660 to feel good almost about anything sometimes.

00:26:28.220 And that's my alcoholism.

00:26:29.680 That's my, you know, that's that negative self tape.

00:26:32.800 And that was one thing we talked about on the business and biceps podcast.

00:26:36.180 Uh, and I don't work for those guys or ever.

00:26:39.180 That's just, you know, I think they're a special group.

00:26:41.540 Now, John Fosco will get on your fucking nerve sometimes, but, uh, but then other episodes,

00:26:46.560 he will be your absolute favorite.

00:26:49.420 So he's kind of like a stepdad.

00:26:51.340 You know, sometimes you're like this fucking guy, but other times you're like that fucking

00:26:56.360 guy.

00:26:57.640 Wow.

00:26:59.240 Um, what else, man?

00:27:02.360 But that's your answer.

00:27:03.460 What I would do in my spare time, I would go see Theo Vaughn at one of those places in

00:27:06.900 Australia.

00:27:07.580 And I'm so happy to be announcing those dates.

00:27:09.640 I can't even believe it.

00:27:10.340 I'm like really just keyed up.

00:27:12.100 Fuck man.

00:27:12.680 I feel like buying a damn eight ball, bro.

00:27:14.920 You know?

00:27:16.600 Um, but what else do I like to do in my spare time?

00:27:19.480 Things I would really like to do.

00:27:20.960 We're finishing the pilot shoot this week.

00:27:22.880 We got Jim Jeffries, um, is, is going to be on an episode.

00:27:27.080 So, wow.

00:27:27.840 So excited about that.

00:27:29.160 Speaking of Australia, you know, the Australian, uh, and the British son, you know, the dual

00:27:35.580 citizen, Mr.

00:27:36.280 Jay Jeffries.

00:27:37.520 And sorry, this episode is a little choppy, man.

00:27:39.540 I'm on, I'm by myself.

00:27:41.120 I set the camera up by myself.

00:27:43.340 You know, I'm not in the studio.

00:27:44.840 So, you know, I don't even know if this shit, if you can hear it.

00:27:48.960 So good luck.

00:27:50.160 Um, but I want to take this call, man.

00:27:54.180 You guys will be happy to hear this.

00:27:55.180 And what a blessing.

00:27:55.820 We got a call from, uh, from my boy today right here, trick lung Mickey.

00:27:59.520 Everybody's been asking about him.

00:28:00.780 And this was a gentleman we met about a year and a half ago that had, uh, cystic fibrosis.

00:28:07.060 You know, he had them fucking danger bags, bro.

00:28:09.120 His lungs was all shook out and beat down.

00:28:11.560 And the devil was just trying to grow fucking dirty Spanish moss up in the sides of his air

00:28:15.940 cages.

00:28:16.320 And then something came up, you know, and then the Lord went looking for the boy and

00:28:21.900 he got new lungs, baby.

00:28:24.320 He got them new fucking O2 hitters in him.

00:28:28.520 Them fucking baby fucking breasty bags, bro.

00:28:31.580 You know, them fucking silly, silly cinch sacks that he's got.

00:28:36.080 And he's puffing on some fucking bad motor scooters right now.

00:28:39.220 And I've been asking him to call in and, uh, and he did.

00:28:43.300 And man, listen to his voice even sounds better.

00:28:45.820 Um, you know what?

00:28:47.180 Uh, here you go.

00:28:48.500 Yo, what's up, Theo, man?

00:28:49.780 This is trick lung Mickey.

00:28:51.140 Hey, man, just giving you a call to, uh, to check in and give you an update to my life

00:28:55.140 and everything.

00:28:56.440 Man, my health has been, it's been crazy, dude.

00:28:59.220 It's been great.

00:29:00.100 Ever since my recovery, things have been just absolutely amazing.

00:29:04.120 I had a really amazing recovery.

00:29:06.120 Went real fast.

00:29:07.220 I got healthy real quick.

00:29:09.160 And, and nowadays, man, I'm just relearning how to live life again.

00:29:13.120 I'm just trying to relearn.

00:29:14.500 You know, I had a job recently and I quit that job because I'm in front of jobs, right?

00:29:19.000 But then I also started dating again and, you know, I'm working out, boxing here and there.

00:29:24.860 And man, life is going good, man.

00:29:27.140 And I just want to reach out to you and tell you how things have been.

00:29:30.440 And we haven't talked in a little bit.

00:29:31.900 And, uh, yeah, man, thank you so much, dude, to, to everybody who has listened.

00:29:36.440 And, and, uh, gave me any messages or anything like that.

00:29:39.660 And to you very much, Theo, man.

00:29:41.780 And, uh, I love you, man.

00:29:44.160 And, um, here we go.

00:29:45.740 Living a real life.

00:29:47.040 And I'm more than excited to be able to do so, man.

00:29:49.900 I'll chat you up later, dude.

00:29:51.000 Wow.

00:29:55.400 Isn't that cool, man?

00:29:56.640 Living a real life.

00:29:59.140 And, um, you know, we're going to have Mickey in studio sometime soon.

00:30:04.440 Uh, and I wish if I had the capabilities this week, I would go back and play some of his

00:30:08.240 old calls, uh, some of his old where you can, you know, he didn't know if he was going to

00:30:12.800 live, man.

00:30:13.320 And he really didn't, you know, and he was, he was like, I think in the top couple on the

00:30:17.560 transplant list and it was, you know, coming down to it and he was in ICU for a long time.

00:30:22.920 And, uh, and then it came through, you know, it came through and they hit him with them

00:30:29.140 fucking puff wings, brother, them lungs.

00:30:31.860 And he got a set of them fricking bad fucking rib cage roller skates, you know, them fucking

00:30:38.420 baby back chimneys, son.

00:30:40.140 And now listen to him.

00:30:42.200 He said, he's dating, bro.

00:30:43.300 You know, he's out there busting nuts, boy.

00:30:46.080 And, and he should be, you know, imagine how much good nut you got locked up in your body.

00:30:52.740 I mean, I can't, you know, if you got bad lungs, you could probably barely get any seed

00:30:58.540 out of your body.

00:30:59.340 It probably just, you know, kind of climbs out a little at a time, you know, like a

00:31:04.620 couple of people, you know, getting out of like, you know, if a truck turned over on

00:31:07.700 its side and everybody's trying to get out one of the windows, but now he's out there

00:31:12.400 and he's got some real heat, you know, he's got them heat sacks in him and he's flowing

00:31:19.100 big, I bet.

00:31:20.300 And he's dating.

00:31:21.280 He quit a job, dude.

00:31:22.840 Fuck yeah, bro.

00:31:24.920 That's a, that's the, that's living, baby.

00:31:27.940 Telling somebody, ah, fuck you.

00:31:29.880 I'm leaving.

00:31:31.100 And then going back the next day and be like, Hey man, I'm really, you know, I need this

00:31:35.160 job back.

00:31:36.280 That's it, man.

00:31:37.320 You're living.

00:31:39.360 That's living.

00:31:41.460 That's awesome.

00:31:43.660 That's awesome.

00:31:44.300 And I want to hear about that.

00:31:45.340 I would love to have him in, man.

00:31:46.680 He was his, you know, Mickey's take was so clear on like what, what he was so honest

00:31:53.260 about some of the thoughts and feelings he was having about, uh, about when he wasn't

00:31:58.860 doing well and when he wasn't sure he was going to make it.

00:32:01.820 And he came out to my shows and he looked, man, he, you know, he looked kind of Italian,

00:32:06.340 but also kind of like amphibian, you know, he was, cause you get kind of jaundice, you

00:32:11.040 know, you turn a little bit, a bit of jaundice, you know, the devil puts that yellow number

00:32:16.400 seven in you when they take, when your lungs are bad, when you got dirty lungs and he was

00:32:21.920 shook out.

00:32:22.540 But, uh, man, it's so good to hear his voice.

00:32:25.320 Do you just listen to how good he sounds?

00:32:27.500 Even call to, uh, to check in and give you an update to my life and everything.

00:32:32.000 Man, my health has been, it's been crazy.

00:32:34.640 Listen to the octaves on that boy.

00:32:36.440 He's fucking hitting different levels.

00:32:38.140 He's finished.

00:32:38.920 He couldn't make it through a sentence.

00:32:40.500 This dude couldn't make it through a sentence.

00:32:46.000 I mean, he was like the Ted Bundy of sentences.

00:32:48.160 He would escape or just die.

00:32:50.920 You know, he couldn't make it through a sentence, but now here he is dropping full paragraphs.

00:32:58.160 Amen, baby.

00:32:59.120 Let's take another call here.

00:33:00.200 This came in, uh, on the hotline, 985-664-9503.

00:33:04.960 Thank you guys always for calling.

00:33:06.820 Onward.

00:33:07.100 What's up, Mr. D. O. Vaughn.

00:33:08.920 This is Spencer from Ogden, Utah.

00:33:11.500 What's up, Spencer from Ogden, Utah.

00:33:13.700 Now, Utah is one of the states that have a lot of, uh, secret jewels in the ground and,

00:33:18.200 you know, special ores, gold onward.

00:33:22.620 I went to your show in Salt Lake.

00:33:25.580 It was amazing, by the way.

00:33:27.560 But I just listened to the Howie Mandel podcast.

00:33:31.320 Um, and you talked about identical twins and that they have to fight it out because it's

00:33:35.600 witchcraftry.

00:33:36.540 And whatnot.

00:33:38.200 But I have a twin brother myself.

00:33:41.140 I mean, we're 24 years old.

00:33:43.100 And, but we're fraternal.

00:33:44.620 So I want to ask you, do we have to fight to the death?

00:33:47.620 Because if we do, I'm kind of fucked.

00:33:49.980 He's got a bigger dick than me.

00:33:51.380 Probably like six inches bigger.

00:33:53.420 He lifts me.

00:33:54.320 Dude, six inches bigger.

00:33:55.780 That's, then you don't have any dick.

00:33:57.220 So, do you have a dick or not would be probably where to start.

00:34:02.820 Let's move onward.

00:34:03.480 I appreciate you sharing, though, some of this.

00:34:05.300 Wait.

00:34:06.100 He has a girlfriend.

00:34:08.060 He's got a lot of good stuff going for him.

00:34:09.880 And I'm just, I'm just here listening to podcasts.

00:34:13.220 I said, well, I love your podcast.

00:34:15.680 I just laugh.

00:34:16.360 So I don't know if that's good or let me know if fraternal twins can stay alive or need to

00:34:22.460 fight to the death.

00:34:23.260 Well, I'll say this, bud.

00:34:26.020 I mean, in my book, you win because I'd love to keep you as a, as somebody that's part of

00:34:30.740 the curious crew that absorbs these episodes.

00:34:34.200 You know, he's got a girlfriend.

00:34:35.660 People have done that.

00:34:36.860 That's not a real new deal.

00:34:38.960 You know, he's got a job, bro.

00:34:41.940 Well, that's good.

00:34:43.080 Everybody should have a job.

00:34:44.580 Everybody should work.

00:34:46.920 He, uh, but yeah, man, look, if y'all look, here's the thing.

00:34:50.840 If y'all look the same, man, y'all are fucking with people.

00:34:53.980 Really what you're doing is just long-term magic.

00:34:57.360 Oh, he's there.

00:34:58.480 Now I'm there.

00:35:00.180 You know, who's that?

00:35:01.680 Oh yeah.

00:35:03.020 You know, your names are Randy and, uh, Landy.

00:35:07.020 Like get the fuck out of here with all of that.

00:35:09.580 Y'all figure it out.

00:35:11.120 Just cause y'all, you know, just cause your mom's vagina kind of stuttered both of y'all

00:35:15.460 out of there doesn't mean everybody else should have to be all confused.

00:35:20.000 So look, man, if you, if you're identical twins,

00:35:23.260 twins do, I think y'all should take shifts, but having both y'all out in the world at

00:35:28.780 the same time, isn't fair.

00:35:30.400 So if you want to fight it out or do it out, man, I don't blame you, bro.

00:35:34.500 Cause whatever else y'all are doing, y'all are, there's no way you could live a full life

00:35:38.720 if somebody over there living half your life.

00:35:41.720 Come on.

00:35:44.600 What do you think I am, man?

00:35:46.460 You think I was born in 1961, bro?

00:35:50.100 No, sir.

00:35:52.380 But, you know, so maybe challenge him to some real shit.

00:35:56.980 You challenge him to some shit you could win, you know, like maybe do a staring contest.

00:36:01.580 If he's stronger, start with the eyes, bro.

00:36:04.140 You don't know who's strong.

00:36:04.940 You know, you never know.

00:36:05.980 He, he probably don't do like a lot of eye exercises, you know, a lot of optical chart

00:36:10.620 work.

00:36:11.820 So hit him where it fucking hurts, man.

00:36:15.060 You know, you start to know some shit about him, do some seance or something.

00:36:18.740 Ouija board his ass, dude.

00:36:20.400 He's half of you running around and you're just fucking chilling, bro.

00:36:24.540 Tighten up, dude.

00:36:25.580 But I appreciate you calling, man.

00:36:28.460 I appreciate you calling in with that information and just, I can't imagine if somebody, if I

00:36:33.840 look over and they got somebody just like me and they got a girl with big tits, bro, and

00:36:40.040 I'm just over here just looking at my own meat and sometimes like drawing little nipples on

00:36:45.140 my nuts and kind of squeezing them into the end of the bag so it looks like like a little

00:36:48.860 set of tits, bro.

00:36:51.900 I mean, that's, that's wild.

00:36:55.580 Man, it's snowing out here.

00:36:56.680 It's beautiful.

00:36:58.020 I'm going to Australia.

00:37:01.700 Dude, if you fucking double hand that fucking K pocket, son, straight to heaven.

00:37:07.760 Let's hear this.

00:37:08.660 Onward.

00:37:09.680 Hey, Theo.

00:37:10.800 It's Allie from Reno.

00:37:12.380 Just having a hard day at work, but I just wanted to call you and tell you that I just

00:37:16.760 got a ferret to go to be little best friends with my other ferret named Lissu.

00:37:22.900 Oh yeah.

00:37:23.560 Ferrets like having buddies.

00:37:24.640 If you see one ferret by itself, man.

00:37:27.460 Oh, so sad.

00:37:28.900 You see two ferrets always running all over each other and they'll urinate on each other.

00:37:33.900 If you want to watch something urinate on each other and it's not people, bro, you know,

00:37:38.020 you're not in Amsterdam or something.

00:37:39.620 And you got, you know, you got some time to kill or something while your wife's shopping.

00:37:43.260 Then you got to get two ferrets because them bad cats will piss all over each other, bro.

00:37:48.320 I mean, it's like, damn.

00:37:49.240 I mean, it's just like, it's like a, you know, that's the Lord's lemonade stand rather a pair

00:37:57.280 of ferrets.

00:37:58.160 Thank you for calling in and thank you for calling from Reno.

00:38:00.560 And if you also want to, uh, I mean, Reno is just a lot of AA meetings and unemployment

00:38:06.740 over there.

00:38:07.240 A lot of disability checks, boy, a lot of debility checks, hitting, hitting mailboxes over there

00:38:12.120 in Reno.

00:38:12.780 Boy, beautiful.

00:38:14.680 Visually beautiful landscape.

00:38:17.220 A lot of AA meetings.

00:38:18.520 If you're trying to get better, bro, go to Reno.

00:38:20.740 Worst slot machines in the world.

00:38:22.800 Laughlin and Reno.

00:38:25.000 Dude, people, I was there for a whole weekend two times.

00:38:28.940 Nobody won.

00:38:31.220 Nothing.

00:38:33.460 Let's take more.

00:38:34.460 Onward.

00:38:34.920 And me and my boyfriend are big fans and we named him Theo after you.

00:38:40.820 Full name Theo Vaughn.

00:38:42.260 So I'm just trying to tell you that he's a little bit stinky.

00:38:45.660 He kind of looks like you, but that's all.

00:38:49.580 Oh, now I can see that.

00:38:50.800 I can see me looking like a ferret.

00:38:52.480 You know, I'm kind of lean, kind of long in the nose, got hair on my chinny chin chin.

00:38:58.500 So yeah, I can see that.

00:39:00.020 I wet the bed while I was about 28.

00:39:02.100 So I think you made a good choice.

00:39:05.860 You know, I mean, you could be the damn mayor of Reno as far as I'm concerned.

00:39:08.760 It sounds like you made a real solid choice there.

00:39:10.680 And thank you for blessing that animal with my name.

00:39:13.940 And I'd love to meet that animal at some point.

00:39:16.580 You know, someone months ago sent me a picture of a Chinese kid and they named him Theo Vaughn.

00:39:23.980 And I thought that was pretty cool.

00:39:25.700 This is like a year.

00:39:26.520 Actually, this is about a year and a half ago.

00:39:28.380 So now we got a Chinese, you know, a young Chinese and a ferret.

00:39:32.880 So pretty cool.

00:39:33.760 So let's take a call right here.

00:39:35.980 985-664-9503 is the hotline.

00:39:41.380 And thank you to everybody that came out of Columbus this weekend.

00:39:43.880 I don't know if I expressed that enough.

00:39:45.280 I know I always do that on these, but y'all don't realize like the people that work at these clubs constantly tell me,

00:39:53.660 man, you're, you have the best audiences.

00:39:57.280 They're like, they're just good people.

00:39:58.800 They come in, they're enjoying the show and they're having fun.

00:40:02.080 And, uh, and it's just, man, it's cool.

00:40:06.200 You know, it's really cool.

00:40:07.400 And I feel grateful to just to meet everybody I get to meet.

00:40:11.360 You know, this dude said, oh, I met two twins this weekend.

00:40:14.320 And look, man, they, I was like, man, y'all need to, one of y'all need to just shut it down.

00:40:24.980 I mean, maybe if y'all in different hemispheres, I can see it working.

00:40:28.820 But with both y'all in the same place, it seems like cheating.

00:40:34.420 Um, what else did we have come out?

00:40:36.820 We had, I mean, everybody, people drove in from Pittsburgh, Cleveland.

00:40:41.120 Uh, people drove in, uh, I met people that I'd seen before at the shows in Nashville.

00:40:48.380 And then I saw them here.

00:40:50.240 Um, you know, we had, uh, some people from recovery came out, man.

00:40:56.220 Uh, some really great people.

00:40:58.600 Um, just a good, just a good time.

00:41:02.300 You know, I'm pretty fortunate young man to be able to make you guys laugh.

00:41:06.460 And I hope I did that.

00:41:07.440 Let's take this hitter here.

00:41:08.660 Here we go.

00:41:09.520 Hi, Theo.

00:41:10.140 My name is Jessica and I'm a, a nurse.

00:41:13.080 I live in Tucson, Arizona.

00:41:15.460 Oh, thank you for calling Jessica.

00:41:17.120 That's my mother lives in Tucson and she just put her, uh, she just put her husband in a, um, in an Alzheimer's unit.

00:41:28.740 Cause he got Alzheimer's.

00:41:30.360 Let's hear more.

00:41:30.980 Uh, but I felt compelled to call because even though our occupations are very different, I feel that there's some similarities.

00:41:40.080 Uh, I felt like I needed to call and send you some love.

00:41:43.200 Um, well, thank you.

00:41:44.600 That's sweet of you.

00:41:45.480 You know, my sister's a nurse and I think it's one of the most amazing jobs you can have.

00:41:49.300 Not, not, not cause my sister has it.

00:41:51.760 Um, but I just, you know, a lot of nurses that I met are just amazing people.

00:41:57.740 You know, they have ability, an ability to care about others, not just at work, but even in their regular lives.

00:42:04.780 Um, and it's just like a, it's just like, it's like you and I breathing.

00:42:12.680 It's just like a natural thing for them.

00:42:14.780 And, um, and man, it's just, it's special.

00:42:18.780 They're special people.

00:42:20.320 They have a special gift to care for others that really, uh, I admire.

00:42:25.820 Let's hear more.

00:42:26.940 You're talking about the dream you had with helping your neighbor find their peace.

00:42:32.200 And you talking about being tired.

00:42:34.780 Um, but I know nurses can experience what they call, uh, caregiver burnout.

00:42:41.500 And it happens when you give of yourself consistently and forget or neglect to take care of yourself.

00:42:47.940 And I feel like, I feel like you do that too.

00:42:50.960 You're always giving of yourself, of your time and your energy and making people laugh, which is a beautiful thing.

00:42:58.640 And I just felt like maybe practicing some self-love and by self-love, I mean, for me, I, I work out, I, I do boxing and that is a great outlet for me.

00:43:11.800 Um, and listening to podcasts like yours really helps a lot too.

00:43:18.060 So that's about it.

00:43:19.480 But I just wanted to tell you, I love you and thank you for what you do.

00:43:24.140 You're a, you're a bright light in this world.

00:43:26.820 Well, you are, you know, you're much brighter light than I will ever be.

00:43:32.740 You are a nurse, you know, and being by people's bedside when they're really scared.

00:43:38.480 Um, man, that's a real powerful and brave place to be.

00:43:43.000 You know, they should call y'all lifeguards.

00:43:45.460 People by a pool gets a lifeguard.

00:43:47.980 No, that dude ain't doing shit, bro.

00:43:50.000 He up there trying to fuck, honestly, you know, or it's some lady up there trying to show off her legs and put the tannin on them, you know, the, the shine, you know, the oil.

00:44:01.180 They, y'all should be the lifeguards and y'all should get the whistle.

00:44:04.920 And if somebody about to die, you whistle at them and they just pop right back up.

00:44:09.720 Cause nurses are the real lifeguards.

00:44:13.000 You know, y'all ain't sitting up there and you gotta, here's the thing.

00:44:16.460 If you were a lifeguard at a pool, somebody's drowning, you throw them that little thing, that little, you know, Hey, do it yourself.

00:44:23.800 Cheerio.

00:44:24.540 But I'll bro.

00:44:26.880 But nurse, you gotta figure it out.

00:44:29.520 You gotta make choices quick.

00:44:32.220 You know, y'all should get a, you know, they should give y'all a, you know, a syringe of HGH or something.

00:44:38.600 And if there's somebody who's passing out, just, you know, Dexter them in the neck.

00:44:43.000 And just bring them back real fast and get them going.

00:44:47.220 But it's just, I always leave my email on.

00:44:50.540 Jesus, somebody.

00:44:52.300 But yes, for some reason, it's always, they get all the credit.

00:44:56.640 Lifeguards.

00:44:57.160 And y'all are the real lifeguards.

00:44:58.560 Nurses.

00:44:59.000 And for some reason, yeah, they get all the credit, but you guys are the real lifeguards.

00:45:05.580 You know, I'll tell you this.

00:45:07.120 If I'm in the deep end of a disease, I don't want some dude over there, you know, or some lady with them big tatties out there.

00:45:15.980 Brenda or something.

00:45:16.960 You know, and she's just putting tannin oil on her body.

00:45:20.500 You know, or there's, or some dude with bangs over his face.

00:45:23.260 He can't even see.

00:45:24.060 I'm fucking drowning.

00:45:25.740 And he's over here just looking all just quaffed out and well conditioned.

00:45:30.460 He got sunglasses over the bangs.

00:45:33.820 And he's a lifeguard.

00:45:35.820 Fuck that.

00:45:37.900 Dude, next time I'm at a pool, bro, I'm bringing a nurse, bro.

00:45:40.820 I'm bringing an RN and I'll, you know, that's what I'm doing.

00:45:45.980 Real life savers.

00:45:48.180 So, sorry.

00:45:49.420 I got fired up about that right there.

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00:51:46.520 All right.

00:51:49.360 Thank you, nurse, for calling in.

00:51:50.860 And you know you're right.

00:51:53.400 I'm going to try to do some maybe less Thursday episodes and I got to slow it down a little bit because I'm just, you know, I've been feeling a little bit overwhelmed.

00:52:01.600 And some of it's fear of messing up and fear of not doing stuff.

00:52:05.820 Some of it's wanting to, you know, I've had to go from being a comedian, just a guy screwing around to more of a guy like running.

00:52:15.140 You know, his future, I think.

00:52:19.560 And right now is a real transition period for me.

00:52:23.900 And so it's been different.

00:52:27.320 You know, I used to just be the guy.

00:52:28.940 I could just show up at the club and do the sets and go home.

00:52:33.860 And now people are there.

00:52:37.720 And so I have a responsibility.

00:52:39.140 And then also, you know, people are like, oh, I want to get a shirt.

00:52:43.740 And so you want to have merchandise, but you want to have fair price merchandise and you want to have good merchandise.

00:52:47.980 So, you know, you try and deal with stuff like that.

00:52:50.320 And then, you know, I want to start a kids channel so that I can entertain, you know, do fun stuff for children that could be entertaining or or seek out some, you know, help other friends that want to create stuff for children.

00:53:01.800 And, you know, I want to do, you know, some outreach.

00:53:06.800 I want to help others.

00:53:07.580 I don't want to be someone that gets opportunities and just takes for themselves.

00:53:11.360 So I want to, you know, try and do this kind of stuff.

00:53:14.220 And it's like suddenly I feel like a lot of pressure to do it all at once.

00:53:16.980 And I don't know.

00:53:23.040 I guess I just feel.

00:53:27.580 I think some of the truth is that I feel like if I don't constantly do something, then people aren't going to see that I'm a good person.

00:53:34.920 You know, like if I don't, like, if I'm not always doing, trying to do something good, then nobody will think that I'm an okay person or maybe even an okay person.

00:53:55.080 And I think some of that goes from when I was young, I just never felt seen.

00:54:00.500 You know, I never felt seen when I was a child.

00:54:02.840 I just never felt seen.

00:54:04.920 I never had any feedback on what I was doing or who I was.

00:54:10.160 I just never felt.

00:54:12.640 I just, you know, I felt like, you know, I just wasn't seen by my parents.

00:54:17.540 I wasn't seen.

00:54:22.300 You know, and when you're not seen, you don't.

00:54:26.940 Things aren't recognized.

00:54:28.300 So then you start running at a frantic pace because there's no one telling you, okay, hey.

00:54:35.900 You know, you don't have to always be trying to do something for people to think you're somebody that does something.

00:54:42.780 You can sometimes not do something and people are still going to think that you're somebody that does something because of your history of trying to do stuff.

00:54:52.820 But when nobody tells you that, you just keep showing up and feeling like you have to do stuff.

00:54:59.520 And it's, and I don't feel like I need validation.

00:55:02.000 I don't feel like that's what I'm looking for or, and some of this is stuff I don't know.

00:55:07.000 It's just like stuff I've just been thinking about.

00:55:09.860 But I just, like if I don't keep doing stuff, then I just, then I just feel like I don't know what I'm doing, that I'm not doing anything or something.

00:55:23.160 I don't know when some of that's a side effect of not being seen.

00:55:25.940 I just never felt seen as a child.

00:55:28.080 I felt alive.

00:55:30.100 I felt, but I just never felt, I don't know.

00:55:39.080 I just started to feel like nobody knew who I was.

00:55:48.240 And I didn't even know.

00:55:50.680 And some of that is, and I'm not angry at my parents.

00:55:53.940 I'm not angry at, but some of that is a parent's responsibility to connect with the child on a level where the child sees them.

00:56:01.420 And, you know, lets them know that they're okay and just, and they feel seen, you know.

00:56:11.640 They feel understood.

00:56:14.460 They feel, I don't know.

00:56:16.900 I just keep coming back to this word feeling seen.

00:56:20.200 Somebody said it the other day in a meeting and they said that, you know, they never felt seen by their parents.

00:56:24.800 And, and it just, man, something in me just like unlocked and just, and I just was like, wow, that's something that I always felt.

00:56:33.200 I never felt seen, you know, I just like, I just want you to see me, you know, that's what I would think to my mother.

00:56:40.880 I just want you to see me, you know, like, what do I have to do to make you see me?

00:56:46.360 You know, I just want to be okay.

00:56:48.740 I just, I just want you to see me, you know, but I need to do some stuff to take better care of myself.

00:56:57.260 I'm thinking about maybe even taking a vacation over Valentine's and doing some, but thank you for thinking of me.

00:57:02.380 That's very sweet of you.

00:57:03.280 And that just shows what kind of people nurses are.

00:57:06.600 And I love you.

00:57:08.260 Let's take this call right here.

00:57:09.960 Hey man, this past weekend, I, well, I got fired from job.

00:57:15.380 I've had for five years, but I'm really just calling to like.

00:57:21.720 Well, I'm sorry to hear that, man.

00:57:23.200 Five years is a good run though.

00:57:24.920 Most people don't work somewhere for five minutes.

00:57:26.900 You know, some people, they don't work at Popeye's long enough to grill up a damn wing or something.

00:57:31.920 So congratulations, dude.

00:57:34.060 Onward.

00:57:34.640 Caller to caller.

00:57:35.480 I just want to thank all your callers because like I'm doing pretty well.

00:57:39.500 All things considered, you know, you had that guy who last week who called in and he got hit by a car or a bus or something after he lost his job.

00:57:47.740 And, you know, it, it sucks.

00:57:51.120 It fucking sucks.

00:57:53.000 But it's.

00:57:54.560 Well, I'd rather get hit by a bus, at least a bus, you get hit by a group of people, you know?

00:58:01.940 So at least it's more, I think, community oriented.

00:58:06.200 A car, you get hit by one fucking dude who's reaching for a Dr. Pepper or a diet Sprite and he ain't paying attention.

00:58:13.260 He fucking clips you out.

00:58:14.700 And I got hit by a Trans Am, a silver Trans Am when I was young.

00:58:17.980 Beautiful car, bro.

00:58:19.840 But still, doesn't matter, man.

00:58:22.160 I hurt.

00:58:23.160 Onward.

00:58:23.820 It's because, because of your show, man, that right now I got my chin up and I'm pretty optimistic.

00:58:29.600 And so, yeah, I just wanted to, I just want to thank you and all your callers and, because, because I'm, I'm optimistic about moving on to something else.

00:58:41.460 And, and, and yeah, and, and I, and I really think that, that your podcast has played a real, real part in that, in that feeling that I, that I have right now.

00:58:53.520 I feel motivated to move on to something new.

00:58:55.460 And, and so, yeah, I just wanted to call and say thank you.

00:59:00.640 Well, thank you, man.

00:59:02.220 And I wish you good luck with that new experience.

00:59:05.420 Dude, you sound, yeah, if you're aware and you're staying, just stay in the pocket, you know, and just ask the world for a new, something new.

00:59:13.440 And you're going to, you're going, you're going, you're going to get it.

00:59:16.540 You're going to get it.

00:59:19.380 You know, it sounds like you're a hard worker.

00:59:20.920 You're committed.

00:59:21.480 You don't think that the world wants you in a good place with a good job.

00:59:25.460 That you're going to enjoy and thrive in.

00:59:27.800 Yes.

00:59:28.600 I believe that it does, man.

00:59:30.540 And you're going to get there.

00:59:31.700 And, and thank you for calling in because you saying that, that lifts other people up.

00:59:36.320 It's just a circle, man.

00:59:37.940 We're just caught in a neat circle that we all, you know, are, uh, we're all here holding together the, the round edges of as a group, but it's pretty cool.

00:59:50.700 Best of luck to you, man, with the new, with the new experience.

00:59:53.500 And I can't wait to see what you get.

00:59:55.460 I bet it's going to be awesome.

00:59:58.060 You know, somebody was going to do an episode of the, of, uh, of the man up pilot, the comedy central pilot.

01:00:03.760 And like at the last minute they bailed, you know, and I was like, why?

01:00:08.120 And they had like some obtuse excuses.

01:00:11.320 And, but in the end, it doesn't matter what their excuses were, you know, they didn't want to do it.

01:00:18.660 And it was, it kind of hurt my feelings.

01:00:20.360 I was somebody I'd done some stuff for and it was like, why would you, you know, and the reason they didn't even, and I text them, they didn't get back to me.

01:00:27.000 But fast forward a few days and we have an even better entertainer, the two entertainers who have joined on.

01:00:37.040 And it was just what was supposed to happen.

01:00:39.780 And as angry as I was, I remember even, I wasn't that angry, actually.

01:00:46.220 I was upset at first.

01:00:47.740 I was a little bit angry at the person, but then I was like, well, this is what's supposed to happen.

01:00:53.960 What am I going to struggle against what's supposed to happen for no reason?

01:00:57.760 And I kind of settled down and then something even greater came along, a greater experience.

01:01:06.080 So you just don't know what's right around that corner, man.

01:01:10.440 We just don't know.

01:01:11.460 And that corner is not going to show it to you until we're willing sometimes to say, all right, I'm going to take some faith and just stand here and wait for something to come around that corner.

01:01:23.200 Rather than to be turning back and looking at whatever and angry at whatever just happened, whatever went away.

01:01:28.980 Because if I turn back and look down the wall of the building on the side of the edge of the corner I'm on, then I'm going to miss whatever's coming right back.

01:01:38.480 Whatever's coming right around, I'm going to miss it.

01:01:42.180 But are you staying there with some patience, some faith, some hope?

01:01:47.500 Man, I think the world wants good things for us.

01:01:51.520 It really does.

01:01:52.220 Let's take one more call right here.

01:01:54.200 Hey, Theo.

01:01:54.800 This is Ben from Kentucky.

01:01:56.420 Man, I was just thinking you're always talking about, you know, like connecting with your siblings and stuff like that.

01:02:01.200 I've been in a situation, you know, where I kind of, I grew up away from my sisters.

01:02:06.500 And we've gotten closer, you know, over the last few years.

01:02:09.040 But I'm in a situation where their lives are both just crazy.

01:02:14.640 Like they're like, they turned into like these like street queens.

01:02:18.900 Oh, yeah.

01:02:20.960 A lot of bad bitches out there.

01:02:22.660 Let's hear more.

01:02:23.980 Like working a Waffle House, working a strip club.

01:02:27.160 Gang, gang, boy.

01:02:27.960 You know I get that eggs and cheese and that raisin toast, boy.

01:02:31.820 And I want two scoops of grits, son.

01:02:34.620 And I want you to take the hairnet off while you cook it, baby girl.

01:02:38.800 Or boy.

01:02:40.220 Hey, because I like my shit real.

01:02:44.800 You know what I'm saying?

01:02:47.180 I like that Waffle House, man.

01:02:50.680 Dude, I want that fucking, I want a little bit of fucking methadone sprinkled on them fucking griots, baby.

01:02:57.560 And I want that chocolate meal.

01:03:00.400 I love Waffle House, son.

01:03:02.920 I want people fucking fist fighting in the parking lot when I get there.

01:03:06.400 That's because I know the food's going to be hot.

01:03:09.780 You know when people fucking, you know if people out front fist fighting, they got enough energy in their belly to fight.

01:03:14.800 Because they've been in there eating the good hitters at Waffle House.

01:03:18.180 And I want that waffle.

01:03:20.860 I want that perfectly motherfucking shaped waffle, bro.

01:03:26.180 And I want that thing to taste a little bit like a waffle and a little bit like just like nothing but hard air.

01:03:32.900 I want that thing to taste like it was made in dang China, brother.

01:03:36.260 You feel me?

01:03:37.260 And I want that syar up on that thong.

01:03:40.940 I want that fucking sweet drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip.

01:03:45.640 I want that thing all all keller'd up.

01:03:48.720 You got me?

01:03:50.360 And that's how I like my shit.

01:03:53.300 And I want somebody to quit.

01:03:55.400 I want one of the cooks to quit while I'm there eating, bro.

01:03:59.120 If somebody fucking quits, my shit tastes better, bro.

01:04:03.240 If somebody quits at the grill, my food tastes even better.

01:04:07.820 I want that Aunt Archie, bro.

01:04:09.880 I want that Aunt Archie going on around me while I'm enjoying my WH.

01:04:15.020 Onward.

01:04:15.580 And now the situation is, one of my sisters was in a bad situation where she actually filed charges against her boyfriend.

01:04:26.380 Well, we knew that was going to happen.

01:04:28.360 Onward.

01:04:28.640 But, like, being kidnapped and raped and just, you know, crazy stuff.

01:04:35.680 And my other sister is saying that she don't believe her.

01:04:39.320 And kind of blaming each other.

01:04:40.980 And now I'm kind of stuck in the middle.

01:04:43.420 And I'm trying to be there for both of them because, you know, my other sister, she's actually, she's going to be, like, losing her house.

01:04:50.520 She's lost her job.

01:04:51.840 Like, she's in a real bad spot right now because she's afraid to go back to that area just because people are saying that she's making this up.

01:04:57.360 But, you know, I was trying to see, you know, what would you do as far as trying to be there for both, you know, both halves of it without actually, you know, you know, what would you do to make the right decision there?

01:05:09.240 I appreciate it, Theo.

01:05:10.860 Gang, gang.

01:05:12.040 Gang, gang, bud.

01:05:13.420 You know, you know what?

01:05:14.420 I'll offer some experience from this.

01:05:16.380 I have a sister, you know, and she's been in and out of some tough stuff.

01:05:21.600 And, you know what I can do?

01:05:25.620 I can offer, I can ask, how can I help?

01:05:30.060 And I will let them say, well, you could help like this.

01:05:33.100 And then I will say, okay, that is something I can do or that is not something that I can do.

01:05:37.260 What's another way that I could help?

01:05:40.700 That way you're being of help.

01:05:42.680 You're offering to help.

01:05:45.300 And you're offering, but there's, you know, you're helping on your terms as well.

01:05:49.240 Because getting involved too much probably may not is going to be less help than you think.

01:05:58.940 You know, you could pray for them.

01:06:00.400 You could think, you know, you could see if you could offer them.

01:06:03.440 Is there a way, you know, a financial way that I could help?

01:06:06.460 Is maybe getting them into a 12-step program or something like that where they're, then they can develop a, you know, a way to manage their own lives better.

01:06:16.240 That's what 12-step programs do.

01:06:18.860 They help people manage their own lives.

01:06:20.840 People always give it these names, sex addiction and drug addiction and alcoholism.

01:06:24.900 That's just something on the outside.

01:06:26.960 That's that accoutrement.

01:06:29.020 The real deal is somebody learning a way to manage their own life better.

01:06:34.240 So, you could offer to go to a meeting with them.

01:06:41.320 But you can't tell them what to do.

01:06:46.260 If they ask for a suggestion, you can offer it.

01:06:49.800 Or you could offer a suggestion.

01:06:51.920 You could offer a suggestion and see if they want a suggestion.

01:06:55.440 Telling them what to do isn't going to help.

01:06:58.600 Thinking they should do something.

01:07:00.260 Nobody should do anything.

01:07:01.500 You know, even though we think it, we all think it.

01:07:05.100 I think it all the time.

01:07:06.040 Somebody should do, they should do, they should.

01:07:08.000 When I start thinking somebody should do something, there's something wrong with me.

01:07:12.120 Because nobody's going to do nothing.

01:07:13.580 They're going to do what they're going to do.

01:07:16.040 How am I going to react in it?

01:07:19.060 Hopefully, not at all.

01:07:20.800 Because it's really none of my business.

01:07:22.840 Unless it affects me absolutely towards me.

01:07:26.960 But I feel your plight, man.

01:07:29.680 It's hard to be a loving brother as our sisters get older.

01:07:32.920 Because there's only so much we can do.

01:07:34.420 We can't really, you know, they're not young girls that we could, you know, lift them up on to something.

01:07:40.720 Or walk them across the street.

01:07:42.860 Or, you know.

01:07:44.080 And sometimes when we're younger, we don't make the best choices to help our sisters.

01:07:47.180 And so, we feel we have to make up for that as adults.

01:07:50.280 You know, I remember I paid one of my sister's phone bills for a couple years.

01:07:57.100 Never really mentioned it.

01:07:59.780 And now I just pray for my sister all the time.

01:08:02.960 You know, and I try to be loving to other women that I meet.

01:08:08.860 I'm not always successful at it.

01:08:10.740 But, you know, sometimes I try to be loving to other women that I meet.

01:08:15.640 Because that's somebody else's sister.

01:08:17.480 And even if I don't have the relationship or I'm able to do something for my sister.

01:08:21.300 If I'm able to do something for somebody else's, that's still, it's the same thing.

01:08:27.380 And I fail all the time at all of that.

01:08:30.000 But those are just some suggestions of things.

01:08:32.480 But don't be too hard on yourself.

01:08:33.680 They are adults as well.

01:08:35.200 And they are responsible for their own lives.

01:08:37.920 And you can just always, you can always check in with them and just tell them you love them.

01:08:42.020 And just try and be supportive.

01:08:45.640 Even if what they're doing may be the wrong thing to you.

01:08:49.260 And that's hard to do.

01:08:51.400 And that's unconditional love, I think, if we can do that.

01:08:55.220 When somebody tells you they're doing something, like, nah, you should be doing this.

01:08:57.720 Say, oh, wow.

01:08:58.820 You can say, how's that working out?

01:09:00.580 What's going on with that?

01:09:01.640 Oh, cool.

01:09:02.540 Good luck.

01:09:03.020 If there's anything I can do to help, let me know.

01:09:06.760 But it sounds like your heart's in the right place, man.

01:09:09.700 And I bet you'll be fine.

01:09:11.160 And this is a great way to end this episode.

01:09:12.820 I got to go be on stage in 53 minutes.

01:09:15.220 So I'm going to shut this down.

01:09:17.000 And I'm not playing that song again on the way out.

01:09:20.640 We'll just, we'll finish with a little, I got this one.

01:09:27.060 And I don't know if we covered everything at all, man.

01:09:32.660 You know, sometimes I don't know.

01:09:34.540 I don't know what we're doing.

01:09:37.460 But I had a good time.

01:09:40.300 I had a great time here in Columbus, man.

01:09:41.940 I'm going to miss some of this.

01:09:42.800 No, I wanted to be able to see more of it and play around in it or do something like that, you know.

01:09:48.140 But I guess I'm not going to have that experience.

01:09:50.420 But thank you to everybody that came out.

01:09:52.100 I feel like there's something I was going to tell you guys, but I don't know.

01:09:56.000 We'll see.

01:09:56.620 I'll see you over the rainbow with Dorothy and that little, that Shih Tzu or whatever.

01:10:02.480 You know, because Daddy's going to Al Shram, yeah, man.

01:10:07.640 But thank you so much, man.

01:10:08.820 I feel so grateful to have people come out to my shows that genuinely I can tell care about me.

01:10:14.040 And, you know, and I care about you too, man.

01:10:18.200 Whoever you are.

01:10:20.220 And if nobody's told you that they love you, man, I love you.

01:10:23.100 Or woman, I love you.

01:10:25.040 And, you know, we're just out here on this ball of dirt and water and we just have these weird, you know, we're emotional creatures.

01:10:35.800 But we're going to be okay.

01:10:38.220 One foot in front of the other.

01:10:40.740 That's all we could do.

01:10:42.820 And be brave to change, to make some changes if we can.

01:10:48.600 You know.

01:10:50.580 Nothing changes if nothing changes.

01:10:52.280 So, love you guys, man.

01:10:56.620 Be good to yourselves.

01:10:57.660 You deserve it.

01:10:58.200 I know you do.

01:10:59.860 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club.

01:11:03.340 A podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

01:11:11.140 The answer may shock you.

01:11:12.860 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

01:11:14.900 Sometimes I won't.

01:11:16.520 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

01:11:19.520 You have three new voice messages.

01:11:22.120 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

01:11:25.460 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.

01:11:28.140 Longer than anybody else.

01:11:29.800 So great.

01:11:31.140 Aye, sweetheart.

01:11:32.780 Here's a deal.

01:11:34.120 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.

01:11:38.040 Jermaine.

01:11:39.280 Ho-ho!

01:11:40.100 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

01:11:43.120 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:11:45.200 Ho-ho-ho!

01:11:46.460 No!

01:11:46.820 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

01:11:49.940 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:11:54.080 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:11:58.300 Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.

01:12:01.980 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:12:04.100 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - February 11, 2019

Snow Day ｜ This Past Weekend #173

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