This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Think Differently

00:00:00.000 Have you heard of this new movie called Dear Dictator?

00:00:03.700 Well, it's a comedy starring Michael Caine, Katie Holmes, Odea Rush, Seth Green, and Jason Biggs.

00:00:11.080 Michael Caine plays Anton Vincent, the dictator of an island nation who becomes pen pals with an American teenager named Tatiana.

00:00:21.400 Tatiana is played by Odea Rush from Lady Bird.

00:00:24.640 When political turmoil forces Anton to flee, he seeks refuge in Tatiana's garage in the suburbs and teaches her how to start a revolution to overthrow the mean girls in her high school.

00:00:38.120 Man, we all wanted to do that.

00:00:40.780 Naturally, mayhem ensues.

00:00:43.040 You can watch Dear Dictator now on DVD or on iTunes.

00:00:47.460 I watched it and I enjoyed it.

00:00:49.640 This episode, as always, is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza.

00:00:53.240 The Gray Block Pizza, it's that comfortable Italian, you know, regularity that's beautiful that you put into your face.

00:01:02.540 You can get all types of different toppings, everything, special types of pies.

00:01:07.720 And they also have the famous salad pizza.

00:01:10.300 You like salad?

00:01:11.360 You like pizza?

00:01:12.460 Well, guess what?

00:01:13.360 Both of you's can enjoy yourself.

00:01:16.240 Gray Block.

00:01:17.240 Get that ear out.

00:01:19.280 All right, man.

00:01:20.420 Welcome.

00:01:21.180 And lady, welcome.

00:01:22.260 Let's go.

00:01:29.980 I'm popping right back with the same song as last week.

00:01:32.740 Now I'm just floating on the breeze.

00:01:36.220 And I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be.

00:01:41.560 Cornerstone.

00:01:42.600 Man, this song gets me, man.

00:01:44.320 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.

00:01:49.140 This song gets me in my bones.

00:01:53.360 But it's going to take a little time for me to set that heart and break and let myself unwind.

00:02:06.320 Shine that light on me.

00:02:09.660 I will find a song and I will sing it just for you.

00:02:27.880 Find a song and I will sing it just for you.

00:02:35.340 I will find a song and I will sing it just for you.

00:02:39.720 You know, sometimes people do that in your life.

00:02:42.360 You know, when people, you know, it's rare that I find that I feel, you know, that it's rare that I find when somebody does something and it's just for me out of just genuine, genuinosity.

00:02:54.120 And then, you know, what's funny when somebody does something like that, hit you with that genuinosity, then I notice, wow, that's what that's like.

00:03:03.760 It reminds me, man, I got to, you know, I got to genuinize.

00:03:08.100 I got to genuinize and I need to do a favor for somebody or do something for somebody and not even tell them, not even, you know, not even say, hey, you know, look at this, you know, vest I just bought you.

00:03:21.380 Or, you know, look at these roller skates I got your cousin.

00:03:25.200 But just do it.

00:03:26.200 Don't send a box of unmarked, an unmarked box of roller skates to somebody, you know, sometimes you got to just, you just got to do, you got to do something for somebody else.

00:03:38.820 Sometimes you got to.

00:03:40.480 And, but I noticed that when somebody does it for me.

00:03:42.660 Anyway, I don't know why I started off right there, but where else are you going to start except in the middle?

00:03:48.320 And that's, that's where I am today.

00:03:50.860 Happy day.

00:03:51.960 Happy day to you.

00:03:53.500 Thank you guys for joining me.

00:03:54.780 Man, that song just gets me, dude.

00:03:57.120 Right there, bro.

00:03:58.120 That thing.

00:03:59.020 Now you find it, I'll patch up where it's been.

00:04:03.300 I want to, that thing just, ooh.

00:04:07.500 Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be.

00:04:13.400 This feels good, man.

00:04:15.060 It just, this song feels good, dude.

00:04:18.000 You know, and that, that's what sometimes when I wish I had a little bit of urbanosity in me, when I had some urban-ness, you know.

00:04:22.980 When I had a little bit of, you know, um, you know, when I had a little bit of, uh, maybe some Afrikaans down in my veins.

00:04:31.660 Because I just want to hit them, ooh, yeah.

00:04:36.020 You know, I want to hit, I want to feel it.

00:04:38.780 You ever see a, um, you ever see or hear a black lady or black man?

00:04:43.240 And they hit those notes and you're like, my Lord.

00:04:47.400 That sound, where did that sound even come from?

00:04:50.680 That's Steph Curry.

00:04:52.000 That, you know, that, that, that volume is Steph Curry.

00:04:56.140 Because that thing's coming from deep.

00:04:58.420 That thing is coming from deep.

00:05:00.940 And I wish I had that ability.

00:05:02.420 You know, I got these, but you know, I got these, I have this small rib cage and I got small lungs.

00:05:06.780 And the doctor said that when I was born, that I had the, um, I had the rib cage of a large cat.

00:05:13.640 And that, you know, and what, what goes inside of those rib cage, I got smaller lungs.

00:05:18.180 So that's where I'm at, you know, um, physically.

00:05:22.320 But thank you guys for joining me today.

00:05:24.040 I hope your day is good.

00:05:25.020 I hope whatever you're doing, you're doing it.

00:05:27.340 You know, I hope whatever you're doing, if you pissed at somebody, let them know.

00:05:31.920 And get it out your life.

00:05:34.080 Because we going forward today.

00:05:37.640 What's up, dude?

00:05:38.520 I started a shitty diet.

00:05:41.840 And I don't even mean that literally.

00:05:43.940 I just started this diet.

00:05:45.020 I'm on this pale, um, paleologist.

00:05:47.620 Paley, let me see.

00:05:49.060 Paley, I said, Paleyos, Paleyos, Paleyos diet.

00:05:52.860 And Paleyos diet is, that's, you're getting back to the caveman ways.

00:05:56.760 Because inside of us, even though we're all newfangled, you know, we're running around

00:06:02.520 here with a cell phone and with, you know, North Face coats and, you know, with, um, you

00:06:08.700 know, kitty litter and all of these fancy, you know, 21st century, um, technologies.

00:06:17.280 Inside of us, there's still caveman inside of our genes.

00:06:21.680 It's, you can't deny that's in you.

00:06:25.860 That's limbic.

00:06:27.360 That's at the root.

00:06:29.540 You know, there's that root of your humanity that is in the base of your brain.

00:06:33.820 And that's that limbic system.

00:06:36.400 And that's where, where you have those caveman tendencies and cavewoman tendencies.

00:06:42.060 And look, let's be honest.

00:06:43.480 Back in the day, caveman, cavewoman, probably exactly the same, really.

00:06:49.040 Because you had to think there was that body bush.

00:06:52.620 I mean, that body bush on a man or woman, you almost had to get up there and, you know,

00:06:57.580 part that hair.

00:06:58.380 You had to get up there and search for that pheasant to see what gender somebody even was.

00:07:04.180 I mean, now you see somebody in the distance, you can mostly guess.

00:07:08.040 Unless you got a man running around wearing lipstick or, you know, putting glittery lotion

00:07:13.140 on his neck or anything like that.

00:07:15.180 Then you might think, oh, that could be a woman.

00:07:17.220 Or if you have a woman who's, you know, you know, trying to have a special type of, you

00:07:23.840 know, what was considered or used to be considered a predominantly male hairstyle.

00:07:28.460 You know, you got some women have a fade.

00:07:30.740 I've seen women that will shave a lot above their lip trying to grow out that mustache.

00:07:36.160 And I've even had women hit me up because, you know, I'm rocking this gender neutral style.

00:07:41.320 And I've had women hit me up about my hairstyle saying, how do they get it?

00:07:45.460 And also a couple of ladies asking how they can grow a goatee.

00:07:49.820 And I'm like, look, you know, I'm not, I'm not, you know, I'm not out here Frankensteining.

00:07:56.740 You know, I don't know how to add parts or, you know, adjust the, you know, the genetic

00:08:01.560 makeup of your chin, but, you know, I can give you some, you know, a couple of ideas

00:08:06.220 on how to catch some of this fade.

00:08:07.900 I mean, it's just a one into a two.

00:08:10.220 And then you got to kind of fade it out towards the back.

00:08:12.460 Whenever you get right at the middle of your ear, you got to fade it out.

00:08:17.240 But, but yeah, what was I talking about?

00:08:20.840 Yeah.

00:08:20.980 But back in the day, I'm on that paley, um, on the, I cannot get this computer to work

00:08:25.440 on the paleos diet, paleosity, I'm on it.

00:08:29.700 And what it is, is you can have meat.

00:08:31.800 You can only have a few things.

00:08:33.180 You can have meat, you can have grapes.

00:08:37.440 Um, you can have anything in the Bible except for bread.

00:08:41.160 So, you know, it's not a biblical, it's not a, you know, a God fearing diet.

00:08:44.920 You know, you're not eating in the whole time, you know, looking around for lightning bolts

00:08:48.880 if you fuck up, but it is a, you know, it's just basic kind of stuff.

00:08:54.700 If you were, if you wandered outside of a cave, things you would find, you could find,

00:08:59.460 you could have fresh meat, you could have berries, raisins, um, you could have honey.

00:09:06.860 Uh, can you have honey?

00:09:07.920 Nope.

00:09:08.220 You can have pure maple syrup.

00:09:09.780 That's just got to be straight out of a tree, boy.

00:09:12.040 So, I mean, look, and you'll get hungry.

00:09:16.680 Dude, if you see me in your backyard and I'm, you see a dude bent down behind a tree, I ain't

00:09:22.440 sucking no dick back there, you know, or I ain't eating no crunch.

00:09:27.260 I'm back there probably trying to, you know, trying to slurp a hit of maple out of one of

00:09:32.960 your, uh, out of one of your, out of one of your fine pieces of woodwork in your yard.

00:09:39.860 You know, cause you get hungry.

00:09:41.260 That's the thing you get most hungry for, I find, is sweeteners.

00:09:43.740 You know, cause I'll make it through, you know, you can have eggs, you can have asparagus.

00:09:50.940 I mean, you can have, actually, they had one kind of ice cream you can have, but it's,

00:09:56.260 have charcoal in it.

00:09:57.720 This shit sounds, some of y'all are like, fuck that, man.

00:10:03.140 But I did it.

00:10:03.900 I just wanted to kind of challenge myself with the paleos and see if I could handle what

00:10:07.380 it was like to be a caveman.

00:10:08.860 Man, you know, could I, could I do it if, you know, if suddenly everything shut down

00:10:15.940 and, you know, my, you know, my apartment turned into, um, made out of rocks and my carpet

00:10:22.180 turned into dirt, could I handle it?

00:10:25.580 What would I go eat?

00:10:27.640 I mean, you could, you know, you'd have to try and catch birds.

00:10:30.080 You'd have to have probably a little bit of rat meat, but paleos diet, um, you do, you know,

00:10:36.920 you can get those things and you get those natural accoutrements that just cater directly

00:10:41.320 to your body.

00:10:41.940 So you don't feel a lot of, uh, I'll tell you a couple of things.

00:10:44.760 I don't have a lot of indigestion.

00:10:46.500 I don't have a lot of, uh, body gas because I'm that type of dude.

00:10:50.800 I'll be honest with you, man.

00:10:51.900 I was, um, you know, I, I lacked, uh, I lacked, I was lactic acid.

00:10:58.400 Um, and if I had lactic acid or I had, I was lactose intolerance and it's not, I know some

00:11:06.420 people think it's like a black lives matter type of thing.

00:11:08.540 It's not lactose intolerance is, um, you know, lactose isn't a race.

00:11:13.120 It's something that's in milk.

00:11:14.720 And if you have it, your body doesn't like it.

00:11:17.340 And so your body doesn't have a lot of ways to yell at you and say, Hey, I don't like this.

00:11:22.500 So your body will make a body gas.

00:11:24.700 And so if I had like, um, if I had lactic acids or whatever, milk, things like that,

00:11:32.440 heavy creamer, uh, then I would have body gas and that would make me and everybody, you

00:11:38.740 know, just, it wasn't fun.

00:11:40.440 But on this paleo's diet, boy, you nothing you bro.

00:11:46.480 You can monitor my, you can monitor my little browser hole all week and you won't hear it

00:11:50.460 say a peep.

00:11:51.140 So I'm really keyed down and I'm dialed in on this paleo's diet and I'm feeling, you

00:11:57.740 know, you know what it makes me, you know what it does for me?

00:11:59.940 I'll say this, it makes it so if, say, if I want to go have a snack, I can't just go

00:12:04.900 eat whatever is readily available.

00:12:07.440 You know, it makes me think before I eat.

00:12:10.960 That's what it does.

00:12:11.860 It makes me look at a couple of, look at the ingredients, look at that, you know?

00:12:16.380 And so that's really one of the best gifts about it.

00:12:18.060 I've only been on it for five days, uh, but you can still have fish, you can have salmon,

00:12:23.820 you can have, um, uh, celery, you can have, uh, what else can you have?

00:12:32.780 You can have, um, eggs.

00:12:36.240 I think I already said eggs.

00:12:37.440 Oh, you can have meat.

00:12:38.660 So you can have meat.

00:12:39.800 You just can't have bread.

00:12:42.580 So you got to, you can only have the middle part of a sandwich.

00:12:44.900 So you definitely seem like a fucking pervert.

00:12:47.580 You know, they had a dude, uh, one of my dad's friends, this man, uh, Larry Dunst used

00:12:53.340 to, he would have a sandwich and he had a, this dude had the longest tongue ever and he

00:12:58.380 hated us.

00:12:58.920 He come over to our house and he hated us.

00:13:00.780 He hated everybody.

00:13:01.840 And I think the, you know, the Lord just filled that man with hate.

00:13:05.720 And if you, he, if he was, um, if he was a piece of luggage and they opened him up at

00:13:11.100 TSA, it would just be a bunch of, uh, just hate blocks.

00:13:15.540 And they'd be like, Oh, okay.

00:13:16.820 This is just hate blocks.

00:13:17.820 We thought this, that you were, you know, running, um, you know, trying to cross, you

00:13:22.060 know, move oranges or, or produce across state lines.

00:13:25.060 You're good to go with these hate blocks.

00:13:26.580 And Larry Dunst had, it was just all hatred, but anyhow, if that man got a burger, he didn't

00:13:33.020 like the bread.

00:13:35.160 And it's one of the reasons why his first wife left him actually, cause he wouldn't eat

00:13:38.420 bread and he would just get his tongue around and just get at that meat.

00:13:43.240 And it's almost like watching a dog.

00:13:44.900 If you've ever hidden something from a dog, like a toy, it's under the couch, watching a

00:13:48.400 dog get in there like that.

00:13:50.300 You know, if you've ever watched, seen a long legged, a long tongue to, uh, you know,

00:13:55.220 Wamarana or something or French bulldog or anything like that.

00:13:59.700 If you've ever seen it use its tongue to get under that, under the sofa to get something,

00:14:03.880 that's how Mr. Larry Dunst would get around and he'd just get his tongue up in there and

00:14:08.400 try to get them, whatever meat was in that sandwich.

00:14:11.000 And that shit was, uh, I mean, watching it now, I would honestly say that shit might be

00:14:16.920 a bit erotic, not even in a homo, not any, not even in a homoerotic way or in a homosexual

00:14:24.280 way, but just in the way of that, you know, watching somebody try to tongue the meat out

00:14:32.700 of a sandwich without eating the bread.

00:14:34.620 That shit is damn boy.

00:14:36.700 That shit's sexy.

00:14:38.160 And we might actually have to make a YouTube.

00:14:39.920 Maybe we'll see if we can get some seniors to try and, um, you know, to try and excerpt

00:14:44.720 the meat out of a, out of a sandwich tongue only.

00:14:47.320 And I know that sounds pretty bizarre, but that would be a way more unique type of pornography.

00:14:55.560 You know, instead of watching all this vulgarity and people, you know, holding each other's

00:15:00.440 butts open and, you know, hiding silverware in each other's, you know, booties and all

00:15:07.020 of this and, you know, tying, uh, yarn around each other's tits and all kinds of stuff they're

00:15:12.080 doing on the dark net, if you had just, you know, that kind of eroticism where you was

00:15:17.780 watching a senior just try to, you know, tongue a couple hits of, um, of mortadella cheese

00:15:23.520 or something out of a, you know, in between a couple of pieces of, of, of honey wheat without

00:15:31.660 eating the bread.

00:15:32.460 That shit sounds crazy, but also sounds really, really captivating and mildly sensual.

00:15:38.740 And that's ways that we need to think, we need to think different, you know, we need

00:15:43.480 to try and think a little bit different if we can.

00:15:46.280 And that's what this, and that's what this diet does for me.

00:15:48.800 I've noticed.

00:15:49.300 I just really, just really realized it because I don't like it.

00:15:52.820 You know, I go, you know, I'd go up to Burger King.

00:15:55.700 I'm like, fuck, I can't have nothing in here unless I have them cook a piece of meat and just

00:16:01.300 give me the meat in one of those little cardboard to go burger thing, just meat only in there.

00:16:07.340 You can't have ketchup.

00:16:08.940 You can't have a lot of sauces.

00:16:10.140 That's the thing.

00:16:11.600 So if you're a real condiment jockey, you know, if you're somebody out there that likes to

00:16:15.600 wake up in the middle of the night and just, you know, squirt a couple hits of, uh, of that

00:16:20.200 Dijon Moustard into your jaw, then this isn't for you probably.

00:16:25.800 If you're somebody that wakes up in the middle of the night and likes to hide a couple hits

00:16:29.940 of, of, uh, of blackberry jam in your jaw, then this might not be for you.

00:16:36.060 But, um, but if you're somebody that, you know, that wants to try something different,

00:16:41.160 then maybe it is for you.

00:16:43.040 And so I've been trying it, you know, and you can have meats, you can have, I mean, there's

00:16:47.720 all that gluten-free shit.

00:16:48.760 You can have all of that stuff, but it just has to be that way, you know?

00:16:51.840 So, but basically you're staying real, you stay in real, you stay real keen.

00:16:57.200 So now when I go to the refrigerator, I got to think what I eat before I eat.

00:17:00.520 And that's what I'm noticing is the greatest little gift.

00:17:03.080 Even if I only do this for five days, I might not, I ain't, you know, you telling me I'll

00:17:08.320 never have another piece of wedding cake in my life.

00:17:11.020 Well, I'm telling you that I'm about to hack you up with a dang saw because I will have that.

00:17:18.660 But in the meantime, I'm just trying it.

00:17:23.220 It's not a life sentence.

00:17:25.180 You can have oranges, you can have pears, you can have all types of stuff like that.

00:17:30.600 You know, you can basically have anything that's good for you that you could find in a forest.

00:17:34.640 And so that's where I'm at.

00:17:35.520 I'm on that paleos diet and it's been, it's been an adventure.

00:17:39.420 I do feel, you know, I notice, I'll be honest with you straight out the gate, I notice less

00:17:44.080 bowel activity.

00:17:45.460 You know, my bowels have been more low key, probably because I'm not eating as much junk.

00:17:49.940 I've noticed a little bit of less inflation in my body.

00:17:54.040 I have noticed, um, and, and, you know, and I've already mentioned, I've noticed a lot

00:17:59.320 less body gas.

00:18:01.320 And so, and that's enjoyable, man.

00:18:03.100 I mean, you know, I'm not trying to be vulgar here, but sometimes people like having body

00:18:07.000 gas and sometimes people don't.

00:18:08.400 You know, it's fun every now and then if you're on a plane and people think you're taking

00:18:12.740 a nap and you've, you know, you launch a little air baby and watch that thing, learn to crawl

00:18:19.440 around the room under people's snouts.

00:18:21.180 I mean, that, that, that is just a joy, but also sometimes it's not a joy when you, when

00:18:29.000 you, you know, you got a date over and y'all snuggled up and y'all watching, um, you know,

00:18:34.980 maybe you guys are watching, uh, you know, maybe you're watching Wally or a league of their

00:18:41.120 own with the bass turned up.

00:18:43.580 I used to do that sometime.

00:18:44.940 I'd have chicks come over.

00:18:46.260 This was one of my moves with ladies.

00:18:48.800 First, you have a lady come over, right?

00:18:51.280 And look, you meet her outside, but make sure all the doors are open.

00:18:54.760 Make sure your face is well lit.

00:18:56.700 Don't be that crazy dude meeting a lady by a dark tree or some kind of shit like that.

00:19:01.000 It's not safe.

00:19:02.960 So you meet a lady, maybe meet her out front, but meet her, you know, where she could see

00:19:06.480 your face.

00:19:07.360 Don't take a candle out there by your face.

00:19:09.360 That shit is old school.

00:19:10.560 You know, this ain't Abraham Lincoln dating.

00:19:13.260 This is new age dating.

00:19:14.760 So you just want to be in an area that's not, that's lit, uh, either naturally or lit by

00:19:19.860 some type of street lamps or porch light, but you meet the lady outside, let her know you're

00:19:24.760 safe.

00:19:25.620 So then you have the lady come over, right?

00:19:28.300 And you have a, you put on a little movie, something, something set, something kind of

00:19:34.480 something that shows that you're cool with ladies, a league of their own.

00:19:37.760 That's about ladies, um, uh, playing baseball and, you know, some of them not really experimenting

00:19:44.620 with lesbian, but no, it's not like that.

00:19:46.740 It's more ladies playing baseball and wanting to hold down the fort while their husbands are

00:19:51.040 away, uh, defending, uh, their country.

00:19:53.700 So that's a great movie.

00:19:57.460 And, and I'll turn the base up.

00:19:59.720 A lot of, a lot of people don't think this.

00:20:01.320 If you got some speakers at the house or if you got car speakers, but you don't have a

00:20:05.440 car right now because you fucked up on payments or whatever, then get your shit, get your speakers,

00:20:10.620 put them in the house and, you know, get a couple of 12s or some twenties or whatever

00:20:15.640 and, uh, turn the base up.

00:20:19.640 You put a league of their own on with that base up, man, you start and you're going to

00:20:25.780 unleash a real fuck fever in the air because there's a league of their own.

00:20:30.780 That's a movie that lets a woman know you safe.

00:20:34.020 Another movie you could watch is a movie called up.

00:20:36.780 It's about two grandparents and one of them dies.

00:20:40.280 And one of them, um, his house is almost, almost getting repossessed by balloons.

00:20:45.860 And it's, I guess it's like a, it's like a way that Disney or whatever, Pixar kind of

00:20:50.060 shows you how a mortgage can work.

00:20:51.960 You got balloon payments, you don't deal with it.

00:20:53.760 Your house gets taken away.

00:20:55.720 But what it is, is you can play, um, you can play that and put the base up because base

00:21:03.160 that's foreplay.

00:21:05.860 That's electronic equipment doing foreplay for you, you know, cause we don't know, you don't

00:21:10.780 always have a lot of time to touch your lady, right?

00:21:12.780 So you need to use sonic abilities like, um, like base, like base.

00:21:22.440 Cause that thing, that's, that's feeling all, you know, you get the vibrations going, that's

00:21:25.820 touching your lady everywhere a little bit lightly.

00:21:28.300 And next thing you know, her nipples are stimulation, you know, full body.

00:21:32.560 If she has body hair standing on end and that's, you know, and then a lot of the activity,

00:21:37.600 she's alert, she got body alertness, she has body alertness and she has heart trustworthiness

00:21:43.120 because you're, you're watching up or you're watching, um, league of their own.

00:21:48.880 You got that base turned up and that shit is savage, man.

00:21:52.640 And that's a good way to meet a lady and, you know, get a lot of the, uh, that way you're

00:21:57.740 getting free, you know, you're getting a lot of free sensuality occurring in the room

00:22:03.300 because you got a sexy movie on something that's sentimental.

00:22:09.320 So you're, you're supportive of women.

00:22:11.000 And at the same time you got the base turned up, you know, and that's, that's creating that

00:22:16.420 sensuality, that sexual environment, you know, that's creating that, that caveman.

00:22:24.260 There's no cry.

00:22:25.540 There's no crying in baseball, ball, ball, ball.

00:22:29.120 Fucking hire a DJ, remix that shit, boy.

00:22:32.300 Still, well, still, well, still, well, live your life.

00:22:36.900 You can do it.

00:22:37.920 And that's a great way to, uh, have a date with a lady right there.

00:22:43.900 But yeah, back in the paleo days, think about that.

00:22:47.280 If you were caveman, everybody looked the same.

00:22:51.660 Everybody had just bush.

00:22:53.920 This was full.

00:22:54.860 The only, there weren't any haircuts.

00:22:56.620 The only way you could get a haircut, rip your hair out of your body.

00:23:01.580 And you might do that on your chest or something, maybe on your beard or something, if you were

00:23:04.980 about to get married or if you were really close to the fire, but nobody's straight ripping

00:23:10.940 crotch hair out of their body.

00:23:13.700 So if you wanted to know if somebody's gender back in the day, you had to get up close and

00:23:19.040 you had to look around for that pheasant.

00:23:21.520 You know, you had to go on that two handed pheasant hunt, get over there, moving that pubic

00:23:25.800 hair.

00:23:28.160 And that pubic hair is, that stuff will hide everything.

00:23:32.340 Dude, you could hide it.

00:23:33.480 Dude, you could hide anything you want.

00:23:36.560 They had a brother used to live near me and he had this huge frode.

00:23:40.660 He was frode up.

00:23:42.040 And he would hide a whole, a small stack.

00:23:44.320 He would hide a fucking bankroll up in his pubic hair.

00:23:48.240 So that's, you know, that's a real, that's a serious turf.

00:23:56.500 And back in the day, in paleo's times, you had to, you had to get up close to somebody

00:24:02.400 to get to know them and to see if they were man or woman.

00:24:06.180 And that's, so that's kind of, you know, and so I think sometimes when I'm on this types

00:24:11.040 of diet, it makes you think about, well, it definitely makes my senses more alert.

00:24:18.580 And a lot of people know, um, I talked about this on Joe Rogan podcast that, you know, I

00:24:24.740 took a, I did a cleanse like five, like, uh, what was that?

00:24:28.820 Three years ago, two years ago.

00:24:30.320 And I, I was on day five of it.

00:24:34.100 I was at a Best Buy and I was, I was fiending for anything to eat.

00:24:42.140 I mean, I could smell somebody's breath from, from, from 11, 12, 13 feet.

00:24:49.660 What did, did they have roast beef?

00:24:52.140 Like I could, I was just alert.

00:24:55.280 I could hear somebody fold a piece of bread from 60 feet away.

00:24:59.040 Like what the fuck?

00:25:00.320 Was that right?

00:25:02.620 I mean, you get so, cause your body wants to eat.

00:25:05.760 Your eyes can see clear.

00:25:07.800 You, your senses come alive because your body is thinking I need to survive right now.

00:25:15.000 And so I remember on day five of that cleanse, I was on the lemonade, hot, uh, hot pepper cleanse

00:25:21.140 and you drink lemonade, just have some syrup and cayenne pepper.

00:25:26.060 And where I'm from, dude, that's a fucking hell.

00:25:29.040 That's a damn, that's a dessert.

00:25:31.380 You know, I had a couple of black friends growing up that were raised on that diet.

00:25:34.980 So, you know, that them boys showed up for real every day because that diet will, I mean, it

00:25:41.900 made me so alert because my sense, I need to survive.

00:25:45.560 And I remember being at Best Buy and I started to zone out and there was a Vietnamese gentleman

00:25:52.780 there and he worked there.

00:25:54.840 He definitely did.

00:25:56.180 He worked there because sometimes people will walk up to an Asian person in a Best Buy and

00:26:01.080 just start talking to him and asking him, shit, I've seen this happen 50 times.

00:26:04.660 And they're like, uh, I'm just, I'm a customer.

00:26:10.240 And this gentleman worked there.

00:26:11.900 I saw his name tag, it said Ben.

00:26:14.260 And right when I saw that, I'm thinking, you know, vanilla, I'm thinking foods, beignet.

00:26:21.060 I'm thinking, um, you know, I'm thinking, I'm thinking just foods.

00:26:27.760 And his name was Ben.

00:26:28.660 He started talking to me.

00:26:29.440 I asked him a question about something I was looking to buy.

00:26:31.340 He started talking to me and next thing you know, I can't even hear him.

00:26:34.880 And I started thinking I could, it's going to sound crazy, but he was Vietnamese, very

00:26:38.480 small.

00:26:39.040 I thought I could eat him.

00:26:40.600 That's how hungry I was.

00:26:42.360 I thought to myself, if everybody else in this store right now turned the other direction

00:26:46.600 for 40 seconds, I could fucking eat little Ben.

00:26:51.920 I could eat him.

00:26:54.020 And that's when I realized a couple of things about myself.

00:26:55.860 One, that if you have to, you will.

00:27:00.160 If you got to, you will.

00:27:02.880 That could be anything.

00:27:03.820 That could mean anything.

00:27:06.340 And in this case, it was that my body was telling me, my brain was telling me that limbic

00:27:10.460 system in the back of my brain was telling me if you need to be a carnivore, a humanivore,

00:27:17.540 where you eating humans, where you snacking on neighbors or whatever, if you need to be

00:27:23.120 that, you can be that if you need to be.

00:27:27.700 Because there's stuff inside of us that we can do if we need to.

00:27:30.900 And that's why I said, I'll eat the fuck out of a little Ben right here.

00:27:36.380 You know?

00:27:37.540 Right here, over here in the Frigidaire section.

00:27:42.400 You know, I'll take this dude down between a couple of fucking dryers.

00:27:46.780 You know?

00:27:48.200 And I'll have somebody pass me a side of tzatziki sauce.

00:27:51.640 And I could, I think I could digest a Vietnamese gentleman back here behind these whirlpools.

00:27:57.900 And that's where I was in my brain.

00:27:59.520 I was like, I got to get out of the store before I fucking bite somebody.

00:28:04.080 So it's just, you know, you don't know where you can go.

00:28:06.580 And that's what I like about trying this thing is because it's making me, I'm feeling new

00:28:11.020 things about myself.

00:28:12.700 I'm noticing new things.

00:28:13.940 I notice now, if anything, this teaches me to, oh, look at the labels.

00:28:17.120 Think for a second before I just, oh, have that.

00:28:20.560 Because trust me, I'm an addict.

00:28:22.660 And when I want, I will have.

00:28:24.740 That's where my brain is.

00:28:27.440 And so now it's neat to be able to challenge myself a little bit, even a little bit, just

00:28:32.020 by doing some of this paleos and paleos diet.

00:28:35.880 And you don't get all the junk.

00:28:39.540 Like, there's a lot of things.

00:28:41.420 I don't get them anymore in my system.

00:28:44.500 You know?

00:28:44.700 You know, there's, you know, samsorbic acids, you know, stuff that's in candy, yellow number

00:28:55.460 70 or whatever, cheats and eatses, fucking whatever, you know, unnatural shit, systolic,

00:29:05.160 systolic acid, you know, they got, if you look on anything, it's all just a bunch of acid.

00:29:10.740 You're like, what is all this?

00:29:11.980 And then I just have it, and it's in me.

00:29:16.940 And then I'm running drugs, man.

00:29:18.580 I'm, fuck, I'm a drug mule.

00:29:20.680 But for some preservative company.

00:29:23.920 You ever thought about that, man?

00:29:25.800 Who am I a drug mule for right now?

00:29:27.700 I'll tell you, for Pfizer, definitely.

00:29:30.400 You know?

00:29:30.960 I'm sure I got a couple, you know, milligrams of Cialis or something.

00:29:34.860 You know, I bought some Levitra from India.

00:29:38.320 That shit makes my fucking legs sweat.

00:29:40.860 Makes my ass kind of ashy.

00:29:42.380 My hips a little bit ashy.

00:29:44.240 But at the same time, makes me spring up.

00:29:47.500 So it's a trade-off.

00:29:49.340 But I'm definitely, I'm drug muleing for Pfizer right now.

00:29:53.700 You know, I got antidepressants in me.

00:29:55.340 I'm on Lexapro or whatever.

00:29:56.660 However, I'm a dick, you know?

00:30:00.200 I'm definitely a drug mule for samsorbic acid, whatever else is in a lot of this shit.

00:30:04.740 I don't think I have any unnatural food around me right now or whatever, any non-paleos.

00:30:09.800 And look, I'm not condemning you.

00:30:10.920 If you eat all that stuff and you can be okay with it, that's good.

00:30:13.560 I'm just trying something different.

00:30:16.440 You know?

00:30:17.020 Give me two weeks and I'll be, I'll have a fucking box of runts in my mouth.

00:30:21.120 You know?

00:30:22.400 I'll be, you know, I'll be, you know, I'll be, you know,

00:30:25.740 I'll be, I'll be having other snacks.

00:30:27.160 I'll be having gas station snackery.

00:30:29.860 But right now I'm just trying that.

00:30:31.360 So I'm just sharing with you what it's about.

00:30:33.080 I'm not saying I'm different than you or that I'm better than you for doing this shit.

00:30:36.920 That's just what the fuck I'm doing this week.

00:30:40.180 So, and I'm telling you some experiences I had on it, man.

00:30:43.360 That there's a lot of downside to these things because they don't tell you.

00:30:46.820 That you might, you know, you might eat a Vietnamese dude at a Best Buy.

00:30:52.480 I'm, praise God, I don't have a roommate.

00:30:54.340 If I had a new roommate that I just met off Craigslist or something, gang, gang, bro.

00:31:01.440 I hope he, I hope he don't mind silverware.

00:31:04.680 Because if I was on a cleanse, the lemonade, pepper, syrup cleanse, and I had a new roommate

00:31:11.860 off Craigslist, I would carve that cat up at night.

00:31:17.800 Because that's a, that's one of the side effects.

00:31:19.560 You get so hungry that you don't know what something inside of you will do.

00:31:24.600 You don't know.

00:31:27.020 And that's kind of, you know, and that's what's almost exciting because I get to feel these

00:31:31.680 things.

00:31:33.600 What happens when I'm not satiated?

00:31:36.340 Huh?

00:31:37.680 What happens when I'm not, you know, some of this inflammation leaves out of my, my neck

00:31:42.780 and my, you know, my, my, my thyroid, you know, what happens when I let that, when I

00:31:47.640 give it a break?

00:31:49.260 What happens to me?

00:31:50.220 Who do I become?

00:31:52.860 What, do I have different thoughts?

00:31:55.100 Is it easier for me to get up and get motivated?

00:31:57.680 Yeah, I do notice some of those little things.

00:32:00.380 It's easier for me to get up in the morning.

00:32:02.440 There's a little bit less thought in my head.

00:32:03.980 Oh, maybe rest a little more.

00:32:06.680 So just little things, man.

00:32:08.100 And I think it just comes from just trying something, you know, just trying something,

00:32:11.860 try something.

00:32:13.580 That's it.

00:32:15.180 But yeah, I'm on that paleos and I'm not running around with all these.

00:32:18.420 I'm not, I'm not drug mule in this week for all of these, you know, companies that make

00:32:23.080 all these preservatives.

00:32:24.740 I'm not drug mule in for them right now because I am on paleos, paleos, whatever the fuck it

00:32:30.880 is, this shit.

00:32:31.760 What is this?

00:32:32.620 Sorry for the bad language.

00:32:33.980 I'm starving, bro.

00:32:35.340 No shit, dude.

00:32:37.360 Dude, if somebody in front of me right now, we're eating a damn muffin, I'd curse them

00:32:41.020 out.

00:32:42.900 Dude, if somebody drove by an ice cream truck, I'll pull that motherfucker out.

00:32:47.900 I'll beat that dude with a bomb pop.

00:32:50.480 Okay.

00:32:52.100 I'll hide a chicko.

00:32:53.040 Dude, I'll take a chicko stick upside some, upside a couple of wild bitches head right

00:32:57.300 now.

00:32:57.820 That's where I'm at.

00:32:59.620 So also that's another thing, you know, with these diets comes propensity for violence.

00:33:04.980 I'm out here like a stepchild right now.

00:33:06.700 I'm out here like an angry stepchild.

00:33:09.760 So you know where I'm at.

00:33:11.180 But that's something that I'm doing, that that's going on with me.

00:33:15.480 That's what, you know, part of what happened this past weekend.

00:33:17.460 What else, man?

00:33:21.240 You know, I met two, I met two cool people at the comedy store this weekend.

00:33:24.420 I met a couple of cool cats.

00:33:25.700 I'm going to, I don't know if I want to tell you this.

00:33:31.540 I might be going to Australia in a week.

00:33:35.220 Damn.

00:33:35.800 I don't even know if I wanted to tell you, but I just told you.

00:33:38.320 So I don't know yet, but we'll see.

00:33:40.760 We're figuring it out.

00:33:42.360 And they got some comedy festivals going on over there.

00:33:44.380 And also one of my favorite entertainers ever lives there.

00:33:48.720 And his name is Chris Lilly.

00:33:51.200 And if you've never seen the show Summer Heights High, you need to go watch it.

00:33:57.500 I missed it somehow.

00:33:59.120 And it's my favorite, it's my favorite type of entertainment.

00:34:02.500 It's just really funny.

00:34:04.960 It's really funny.

00:34:06.080 And go check it out.

00:34:09.800 You can find it on YouTube in some different areas.

00:34:11.840 It's hard to find.

00:34:13.260 But it's called Summer Heights High, like part one or pilot or what, start there.

00:34:18.680 And it will be the best show you've never seen if you haven't seen it.

00:34:22.940 And the lead, the star, the man, the creator, everything is this man, Chris Lilly.

00:34:27.420 And he's in Australia.

00:34:28.700 So if anybody feels the need, if they know him or if they, or anything like that, reach

00:34:36.580 out, you know, hit him up, you know, because I'd love to interview him while I'm there.

00:34:41.600 And maybe if he gets enough pressure from people, he'll do it.

00:34:45.480 But I don't know if there's ever been, I mean, he's just like a diamond.

00:34:51.760 He's like a humor diamond.

00:34:53.740 And he's just, that's where he lives at in Australia.

00:34:56.840 What else?

00:34:57.420 That first song that we let in on today, that was Shine by Bishop Gunn.

00:35:01.580 And it was the same song that I played last week.

00:35:04.260 And I just like hearing it.

00:35:06.880 And it just lifts me up.

00:35:09.580 You know, I'm going to go back into it right now for just a second.

00:35:17.260 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.

00:35:21.820 I found I can feel it in my bones.

00:35:25.980 But it's going to take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind.

00:35:39.260 Shine that light on me.

00:35:42.220 Ooh!

00:35:43.140 I'll sit and tell you my stories.

00:35:49.920 Shine on me.

00:35:54.120 And I will find a song.

00:35:57.440 I will sing it just for you.

00:36:03.720 That's it, man.

00:36:04.620 We'll put the link to that again in my bios and stuff like that.

00:36:09.800 You know, again, I had the pleasure of one of my buddies who passed away, who was a mentor to me, who used to let me work on his farm.

00:36:15.660 His son is a drummer in that band.

00:36:17.520 And, yeah, my buddy passed away of addiction, you know.

00:36:23.240 And he was a special person, man.

00:36:26.200 He, you know, he, sometimes you just need somebody to just reach out.

00:36:34.100 And just like, I don't know, sometimes there's just something nice about somebody reaching out out of nowhere or taking you on.

00:36:40.680 You know, saying, hey, let me tell, you know, let me do something for you with nothing in return.

00:36:47.400 That's what the man did for me.

00:36:49.180 Gave me a job at his farm.

00:36:50.340 And guess what?

00:36:50.800 He didn't need a worker.

00:36:54.700 He didn't need a worker.

00:36:57.080 You know, he gave me a job on his farm.

00:36:59.200 And it changed, you know, it changed.

00:37:04.040 I mean, it just was nice.

00:37:05.480 It was like, oh, I got somebody, you know, cares.

00:37:08.680 And he didn't ask for anything in return.

00:37:11.020 And that's the magic of the world.

00:37:14.160 You know, that's the magic of the world.

00:37:16.540 And in that spirit, man, we talked about Trick Lung Mickey last week.

00:37:20.580 And we've had a relationship with him.

00:37:21.860 He called into the hotline a while back.

00:37:23.680 And, you know, we've been in touch.

00:37:26.060 I got a text from him today.

00:37:28.260 He, and this is indefinite, but I shouldn't share.

00:37:30.840 But you know what?

00:37:31.920 I'm going to share it and keep some hope out there.

00:37:33.880 He is on, he is scheduled to get some lungs tomorrow.

00:37:38.500 So how crazy is that, boy?

00:37:41.300 He might get them new ballasts, bruh.

00:37:44.160 He might be running around on them new frickin' inner titties.

00:37:47.020 You feel me, them air titties, them lungs.

00:37:50.120 And so he said he'll know definitely in the morning.

00:37:52.660 I'll read you the text that came in.

00:37:54.280 He said, bro, I just read what, oh, no, he goes, surgery scheduled for, oh, donor just

00:38:00.600 came in, man, crossing my fingers, new hitters.

00:38:03.940 That's what he said.

00:38:05.080 I said, no way.

00:38:06.660 He goes, surgery scheduled for tomorrow, barring that they're safe for me and that no one else

00:38:11.760 may need them more than me.

00:38:13.480 And that shows you what those transplant lists are like.

00:38:16.580 I mean, here he is, goes to bed and, you know, and he don't know if when he wakes up in the

00:38:21.480 morning if somebody else will have come along and something will have happened to them and

00:38:25.960 now those hitters won't be there for him.

00:38:28.380 And guess who it is?

00:38:29.140 It's a man who OD'd, who overdosed.

00:38:35.520 We're living in a wild whirlpool, aren't we?

00:38:38.320 We're living in a wild whirlpool.

00:38:40.160 But thanks so much, man.

00:38:41.160 We had so much good feedback from that episode last week.

00:38:43.780 And, you know, I just wanted to give you guys an update on him.

00:38:45.760 And we'll keep you posted, you know.

00:38:47.100 And also, I wanted to let you guys know that on behalf of our Patreon group, we do have

00:38:52.860 a Patreon where we release, you know, extra footage and where, you know, I'll do like

00:38:58.900 behind the scenes stuff that's going on with me.

00:39:01.960 We put out an extra episode each month on there that is just on Patreon and that our

00:39:08.940 Patreon donated $250 to Mickey's GoFundMe.

00:39:13.280 So I'm not trying to get into the GoFundMe universe.

00:39:17.100 You know, you know, this isn't a world of, like, saviorship that we're creating here

00:39:22.880 or anything like that.

00:39:25.020 But, you know, this thing just kind of expounded with Mickey.

00:39:29.000 And so I just want to say, like, if you, you know, we're not trying to get people to

00:39:33.180 donate for him or anything like that.

00:39:35.800 But I do want to let you know on behalf of all of us that this past weekend, we dropped

00:39:41.420 $250 and you're like, damn, you couldn't go $300, Theo?

00:39:44.960 We ain't got it.

00:39:46.000 But we dropped $250 on Trick Lung Mickey.

00:39:49.520 And, you know, as things go forward, we'll see if there's other ways that we can, you

00:39:53.700 know, be supportive.

00:39:55.060 But we, meaning all of us, because that Patreon comes from our Patreon supporters.

00:40:00.880 So thank you guys.

00:40:02.800 Let's get into this, man.

00:40:04.000 Let's get into a little bit of this episode.

00:40:05.480 We had some calls that came in.

00:40:07.500 We got some unique stuff going on.

00:40:09.580 Let me tell you guys right now that Grayblock, this episode, you know, is brought to you by

00:40:16.660 Grayblock Pizza.

00:40:18.500 As well, this episode is brought to you by the Ridge Wallet.

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00:40:29.180 Do you have that, you still got that booty lump?

00:40:31.820 You still got that old stagnant, you know, that stagnant butt pouch?

00:40:38.240 Looks like one of your butt cheeks has a big dip in its jaw.

00:40:41.900 Do you have that?

00:40:43.220 Because I'll tell you, A1, that Daddy moved on to that Ridge.

00:40:47.420 And that's that front pocket carry.

00:40:49.920 And what's neat about it is, and this is true, look.

00:40:53.040 At first I got this, I was like, I don't know.

00:40:55.640 Dude, three days into using this thing, so easy.

00:41:00.120 And it just simplifies it.

00:41:01.840 I'm not carrying around all this extra stuff.

00:41:04.240 You know, I put my insurance card into my phone, the number of it into my phone.

00:41:08.520 I still keep it in my wallet, but you keep everything easy in here.

00:41:11.540 It's the Ridge Wallet.

00:41:12.800 And this thing, much less chance of getting pickpocketed.

00:41:16.660 Not that people are really getting fucking pickpocketed, but dang.

00:41:19.400 If you're living in that area where people are, you know, out there checking the back of your Levi's to see how they can come up, then that can end.

00:41:28.900 And that's that RidgeWallet.com slash Theo.

00:41:31.740 The link will be in the bios and all of that.

00:41:35.660 And that's a beautiful, this thing is a special, it's made out of carbonite spacecraft material.

00:41:42.780 So this is the kind of shit you see in space.

00:41:44.380 So if you got your Ridge Wallet out and somebody that works for NASA walks by and they look over at you, now you know why.

00:41:52.080 This carbonite, polycarbonite, you know, everything, RFID blocking.

00:41:57.440 They can't see you.

00:41:58.720 People don't even know what's going on.

00:41:59.860 This thing stop a bullet.

00:42:01.420 So that's Ridge Wallet right there.

00:42:03.440 And you can get 10% off by using our code.

00:42:05.220 Now that's a pricey item.

00:42:06.760 I don't want some of y'all thinking that that's a regular, you know, that's a pricey item.

00:42:11.640 It's not for everybody.

00:42:12.860 But I will say this, that I actually use this and I really do enjoy it.

00:42:18.420 And they got other stuff there as well.

00:42:19.720 If you want to check it out, RidgeWallet.com slash Theo.

00:42:23.380 Thank you guys so much.

00:42:25.200 Coming up, some dates.

00:42:27.120 Australia is not definite yet.

00:42:28.660 If so, I'll release it on my Instagram.

00:42:31.300 But it's close.

00:42:32.840 June 1st through the 3rd, I'll be at the Civic Center in San Francisco, California.

00:42:37.540 And that is part of a comedy festival.

00:42:41.680 And that festival is called, sorry, Clusterfest.

00:42:47.460 And there's a lot of huge artists on there.

00:42:50.140 Jim Jeffries is on there.

00:42:53.180 Jon Stewart.

00:42:55.500 Amy Schumer.

00:42:56.620 A lot of different types of comedians are on there.

00:42:58.960 And finally, they're letting the dog on there.

00:43:00.980 So let's go out there and show these clowns what's up.

00:43:04.380 Now, just know, it's just going to be like a 15-minute set.

00:43:07.200 But there's a lot of other comedians there you can see.

00:43:09.700 So if you want to get out there and see all of that as well, I hope to book some dates in San Francisco or in the area coming up in the near time.

00:43:16.420 June 15th and 16th, I'll be at Yuck Yucks in Calgary.

00:43:20.800 And Calgary is in Canada.

00:43:22.480 And it's a beautiful city.

00:43:23.520 And I've been there before.

00:43:25.880 June 23rd, I'll be at Timbler Brewing Company in Bakersfield, California.

00:43:32.120 If those tickets are up, we'll have the link on my website.

00:43:34.360 July 6th, 7th, and 8th, I'll be at Levity Live in Oxnard, California.

00:43:39.700 July 20th through the 22nd, I'll be at Charlie Goodnights in Raleigh, North Carolina.

00:43:45.340 I'm still trying to add a Chicago night here.

00:43:48.360 And we may be doing some stuff in rural Illinois again this year.

00:43:51.700 I'm waiting to find out.

00:43:53.380 Just a lot going on right now at the moment.

00:43:56.820 All right, let's get into a few calls.

00:43:59.700 You know, we had so many wonderful calls and messages that came out.

00:44:05.220 I just want to say thanks.

00:44:06.700 Thank you guys for helping create this little universe we're doing here.

00:44:10.440 I had a gentleman reach out about emailing, about being able to help donate his time as an intern.

00:44:16.520 You know, it's hard.

00:44:17.860 I'm just trying to facilitate a lot of this stuff.

00:44:20.300 I got some help from Chris Perez, one of our producers, and Nick Davis, one of our producers.

00:44:27.700 And, you know, it's a lot.

00:44:30.000 It's a machine.

00:44:30.760 We're trying to keep it going.

00:44:31.660 So we're trying to, you know, manage everything.

00:44:34.360 But at the same time, I just feel fortunate that you guys have been patient and that we're sticking with this.

00:44:41.240 You know, when I first started doing this podcast, I don't know what the F I was going to do.

00:44:45.380 You know, and you know what?

00:44:47.220 I come in here today, and I don't know what the F I'm going to do.

00:44:50.860 But we keep doing it.

00:44:54.500 You know, we keep doing it.

00:44:56.560 And so here we are.

00:44:57.540 Um, let's get into this.

00:45:02.160 Yo, Theo, what's up, man?

00:45:03.800 This is Jack from Cincinnati, Ohio.

00:45:06.280 And we got Jack from Cincinnati, Ohio calling right now on the hotline.

00:45:10.400 And the hotline number is 985-664-9503.

00:45:15.380 And that's just a number made up of different numbers.

00:45:19.420 And you can call that number and hit the hotline if you have questions, comments, thoughts, or responses to anything that involves this past weekend.

00:45:27.140 As well, you can go to this past weekend, or you can go to theovon.com.

00:45:31.940 And there's three different ways to submit.

00:45:34.700 You can text, call, or send a video question in to this past weekend.

00:45:39.080 Let's hear more.

00:45:39.880 Thank you for calling, Jack.

00:45:42.080 I got a crazy story for you from this past weekend.

00:45:46.200 Okay, as you know, we have the This Past Weekend contest, where every month you can call in, leave a voicemail, try to keep it at about a minute, and tell us what happened in your weekend.

00:45:54.600 Something great or something bad.

00:45:57.560 Make sure it was an eventful weekend.

00:45:59.300 Don't call in with some shite-ass weekend.

00:46:01.380 You know, you didn't do nothing.

00:46:02.920 Y'all out there just, you know, you and your boys smoking a joint, looking at a lava lamp.

00:46:06.540 That ain't, that's not a crazy weekend.

00:46:08.380 Man, that's really just a gateway to homosexuality.

00:46:12.400 But every weekend, we'll give out a prize package to somebody who had the best or worst weekend, and Jack is sitting in his right here.

00:46:21.960 Here we go.

00:46:23.180 So, I got involved in what's called a vasectomy.

00:46:26.640 Ooh.

00:46:29.540 Vasectomy, boy.

00:46:30.340 That's when they cut your nuts off your dog, man.

00:46:32.520 Let's go.

00:46:32.980 I decided I'm done with these children, and I don't want them all.

00:46:37.060 So, I saw a doctor.

00:46:39.420 Had a procedure done.

00:46:40.740 Pretty normal.

00:46:41.940 Got done with that.

00:46:43.600 A few hours later, I'm getting settled in.

00:46:45.580 I'm thinking I'm in for a long weekend of chilling out.

00:46:49.660 And the whole thing went pretty, pretty south on me.

00:46:53.740 Ooh.

00:46:54.180 Ooh.

00:46:54.840 And it started south on you probably, bro, if it's around your nuts.

00:46:58.500 You know what I'm saying?

00:46:59.040 Nuts are really, that's the Florida of your body.

00:47:02.140 Your genitalia, that's basically Florida.

00:47:04.480 Because it's on your body, but it's kind of hanging off, and it's sweaty.

00:47:08.500 And, fuck, it's probably a good place sometime to, you know, you might find some cocaine on you.

00:47:14.760 But, uh, wow.

00:47:17.080 So, you had the vasectomy, and then you're saying that things went haywire here.

00:47:21.500 Developed what's called a hematoma.

00:47:24.120 Ooh, that sounds bad, bro.

00:47:26.800 In the ball region, that's some serious dark arts where your balls blow up the size of a bowling ball.

00:47:34.040 Oh.

00:47:34.400 As you're saying that, I'm thinking of the girl, Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby, just hitting that bag.

00:47:40.020 Just hitting that purple bag, bro.

00:47:42.000 Oh.

00:47:43.800 Dude, you making my dick crawl around right now.

00:47:46.460 Let's hear more.

00:47:47.560 And you have to go in and get another procedure done and get laid up for, oh, three or four days in the hospital.

00:47:54.600 Be careful with that vasectomy.

00:47:57.060 Watch out for those hematomas.

00:47:58.460 They will mess you up, man.

00:48:00.260 They'll make you think you don't want balls no more.

00:48:02.340 Well, you still want balls, and that's not where your brain should go there, brother.

00:48:06.140 I'm not trying to correct you.

00:48:07.000 I know you've been through a lot.

00:48:07.980 Obviously, you, you know, you can't have, in one week, you can't have children, and your balls are trying to, um, you know, your balls are trying to just metastasize out of your body.

00:48:18.760 But you can still have children.

00:48:21.120 I mean, you can't, you know, here's the thing, bro.

00:48:25.560 Maybe you need it.

00:48:26.400 You shouldn't be cutting your nuts up.

00:48:29.660 Just come somewhere else, dude.

00:48:33.300 You know?

00:48:34.200 And I hate to jump on you like that, and I appreciate the call.

00:48:37.020 You know, out of Cincinnati, it's tough sometimes living around Cincinnati.

00:48:40.620 You know, or even right across the river there in Covington, Kentucky, or across that, yeah.

00:48:45.520 But, you know, maybe just keep your seed like it is and just take better care.

00:48:52.020 You know, dude, it's not that hard.

00:48:53.700 The only time you can get somebody pregnant is when you ejaculate.

00:48:58.420 So it's not like you, you know, you know, a shepherd has to watch a hundred sheep.

00:49:04.440 You just got to watch one, you know, milky sheep that shows up occasionally.

00:49:09.700 So, you know, look, I feel you.

00:49:14.160 It definitely, I mean, it sounds like the worst weekend somebody could have had because that's what happened to you.

00:49:19.480 And we'll put that into the contest, man, for sure.

00:49:22.660 Man, I'm sorry about that, though, man.

00:49:24.260 I'm sorry.

00:49:24.620 I can't, bro, you, I wonder if you thought that maybe it was like a higher power telling you, man, I got to shut this.

00:49:32.900 You know, I can't be, I shouldn't be cutting my nuts up.

00:49:36.320 You know, I shouldn't be cutting my nuts up.

00:49:40.820 So, and I'm sorry for even saying those words all together.

00:49:43.620 I'm sure it's making a lot of people out there pretty queasy.

00:49:46.020 But thank you for calling and thank you for hitting the contest.

00:49:48.440 Actually, I got to let you know as well who the April winner was.

00:49:52.580 Because the April winner was Paul from Boston, who his Tinder date, who brought his Tinder date to a Joe Rogan show.

00:50:03.700 And actually, we actually thought that Paul, it was an alibi because he called and said his date went missing.

00:50:08.720 She ruined the show.

00:50:09.560 She was yelling out.

00:50:10.500 She had to be escorted out.

00:50:11.960 He had to be escorted out.

00:50:13.520 And that was his weekend.

00:50:14.580 So, Paul from Boston, we will hit you up on the hotline and send you out some this past weekend stuff.

00:50:22.740 What else is going on?

00:50:24.320 Oh, I saw this Kanye West stuff.

00:50:26.240 You know, everybody's all on Kanye West.

00:50:27.900 And he was, he was talking about, you know, first of all, Kanye is, he's almost like a lab rat in a way.

00:50:38.580 You know, he's a, he, he has that mental, you know, he, he shows up and he talks about mental health.

00:50:43.840 And you can't tell sometimes where he's coming from.

00:50:46.040 You know, he's caught up in that Kardashian universe.

00:50:48.220 So, you wonder like how much of that weird influence or how much of that influence is really just shaping him and, you know, or, or unshaping him.

00:50:56.240 I mean, he, you know, he has, you know, he obviously has some like Jesus complex at times.

00:51:03.940 He's also been hailed like a messiah in some ways, a hero.

00:51:08.320 You know, he has a musical genius and a creative genius, really.

00:51:12.900 I think some people are just creative geniuses.

00:51:15.400 Like I've said this about John Mayer before.

00:51:17.040 I met John Mayer a few times and I've had some good conversations with him.

00:51:21.060 And I think that John Mayer would have been a genius in anything he chose to do.

00:51:24.920 It could have been painting.

00:51:27.180 It could have been comedy.

00:51:29.300 He would have excelled at it at the highest level.

00:51:31.580 He just chose music.

00:51:33.000 Some people have that.

00:51:34.260 And maybe Kanye had that as well or has that.

00:51:37.740 But one of the things that they got on Kanye or that, you know, a lot of people said Kanye about his remarks about slavery,

00:51:42.720 about looking at slavery as, you know, at a certain point that are people just enslaving themselves by, you know, by continuing to make that part of the discussion.

00:51:54.900 And, you know, look, I mean, mostly he's talking about black slavery, you know, African-American slavery.

00:52:02.520 And I don't, you know, I don't know.

00:52:03.880 So, I mean, yeah, from my perception, sometimes I'm like, you know, if we keep getting stuck on, if we keep reminding ourselves of only the negative parts, then, you know, is it possible to fully evolve?

00:52:24.980 You know, it makes me think, I mean, I get scared saying some of this kind of stuff because, you know, I mean, you know, Kanye, the crazy thing about this is Kanye's not even allowed to think without being reprimanded so much in the public eye.

00:52:41.160 Like, let the guy think.

00:52:44.740 Let him, so, you know, oh, he's a genius.

00:52:47.020 But the second he says something that people are like, or that the media is like, suddenly he's not a genius.

00:52:54.560 He's crazy.

00:52:56.980 You know, it's like, well, let him think.

00:52:58.880 So, what if he's wrong?

00:53:00.940 Oh, at least he's braving an idea.

00:53:05.960 You know, you don't, I mean, look, I could think, you know, I grew up in a, I grew up in a white Southern environment.

00:53:12.000 I could sit there and say, I'm a fucking redneck and fuck this.

00:53:15.060 And, you know, and some of that shit I do say, but I don't let that be my whole story.

00:53:21.920 You know, Ben Carson, a while back, who is, you know, he's a Republican, sleepy black.

00:53:26.820 That's what I call him.

00:53:27.480 Because Ben, dude, Ben Carson was, he's the doctor who ran, who's now, I believe, like the chairman of the HUD organization or something or housing and development.

00:53:39.760 He ran in the Republican primaries, et cetera.

00:53:42.080 And he talked about, oh, he referred to slavery one time as immigration, as to how black people immigrated into America or some black people, most black people.

00:53:55.240 And you know what?

00:53:55.900 I thought that that was pretty brave of him.

00:53:57.540 You know, I don't have a, you know, I don't have a black child yet.

00:54:02.660 I may one day, I don't know.

00:54:04.380 I mean, I could have a half black child.

00:54:06.760 You know, I have black friends.

00:54:08.300 If I had a black friend who was, you know, real stuck on that mindset of I can't get ahead, I can't do this, I can't do that.

00:54:17.960 It's all because of, you know, it's all because I don't have a chance because of the color of my skin or because of this or that.

00:54:25.260 I would try and not, I would try and help him not think that way entirely.

00:54:31.200 You know, I don't want them to lose anything that gives them fuel.

00:54:35.800 I don't want anybody to lose their history.

00:54:38.840 You know, I'll be damned if I'm losing mine.

00:54:42.080 You know, I'm out here every day in this place where, you know, they don't want a poor white kid from Louisiana to come out here who's not a redneck.

00:54:49.880 I'm not a redneck.

00:54:50.760 Don't call me that shit.

00:54:51.800 That shit makes me mad.

00:54:53.900 You know?

00:54:54.800 Now, do I have a little bit of redneck in me?

00:54:56.440 Sure.

00:54:57.520 But I'm rural.

00:54:59.100 I just grew up poor and white, dude.

00:55:00.620 I didn't have, we didn't have red, I wasn't redneck.

00:55:04.060 We didn't have a bass boat.

00:55:05.880 We didn't have a rebel flag.

00:55:07.320 I didn't have any of that shit.

00:55:09.540 We definitely didn't have a bass boat.

00:55:11.500 The closest I, nobody ever even took me fishing really.

00:55:15.000 You know, the closest I ever came to the high seas was bathing with four kids I didn't know one time.

00:55:20.660 And they were black kids.

00:55:22.360 And they had an old man come over and judging our bodies.

00:55:25.360 But, you know, that will always be a part of me, but it doesn't define me, you know?

00:55:35.080 You know, I wish sometimes that I had rich family members that would have helped me out along the way.

00:55:40.600 I mean, I have some rich, I have some rich step family.

00:55:43.100 They never helped me nothing.

00:55:44.460 We got the same daddy, but they never did anything for me.

00:55:47.440 At certain points, I hope, you know, yeah, I would want a little help.

00:55:51.200 But the truth is that I, my struggle is whatever makes me.

00:55:54.280 That's what makes me.

00:55:56.480 You know, and I know I'm kind of just rambling here and, but, but so what?

00:56:01.060 Maybe some people think Kanye's crazy.

00:56:02.640 What if we thought for a second, you know what?

00:56:05.060 I'm not going to, I'm not going to think of just, I'm tired of thinking of that.

00:56:10.240 I'm tired of thinking, oh, about slavery all the time.

00:56:12.500 I'm tired of being reminded of it by movies.

00:56:16.640 You know, it's crazy.

00:56:17.740 Like, what if I just thought of myself as I'm a black immigrant in America?

00:56:26.400 I mean, in some ways it's almost, you know, taking the higher road maybe.

00:56:30.900 And look, I get that I'm just a white guy sitting in here, you know?

00:56:35.880 And yeah, we need to have black guests on and we need to talk to them.

00:56:38.840 And we need to get a little bit more information.

00:56:40.600 I asked Dion Cole if he would come on and talk and he never even texted me back.

00:56:45.320 So, you know, I'll try to get some, you know, I'll try to get people that can have more of a perspective for us.

00:56:51.380 But I try to keep an open mind.

00:56:53.820 You know, I certainly can understand what it's like to be poor.

00:56:56.100 I certainly can understand what it's like to think people, you don't have a chance.

00:56:59.380 You don't have a shot.

00:57:02.940 But that's what also has made, that's the only thing I have sometimes.

00:57:07.300 Yeah, you can have a nice jacket or you can have a nice car.

00:57:12.520 But dude, if you don't have anything on the inside of you, if you don't have your struggle, if you don't have where you came from,

00:57:18.360 if you don't have your story, you know, if those things don't mean anything to you,

00:57:23.600 you know, and you're not, you're never going to let them go.

00:57:28.980 But there are times when I have to bite my tongue and I have to evolve a little bit.

00:57:33.900 If I go into these business meetings and I just, you know, and I'm like, oh, I'm, you know,

00:57:38.220 and I embrace that anger side of me or that side of me that feels slighted, that feels fucked over.

00:57:45.940 You know, nobody ever gave me anything.

00:57:47.640 Rich people weren't driving, you know, rich white people weren't driving through the poor white area and giving us shit.

00:57:52.620 If anything, I felt like rich white people looked at me like I was a pariah.

00:57:58.800 Like I was some, I don't know what pariah means, but, but I was like, oh, I'm not, I'm not messing with that, whatever.

00:58:07.160 That's poor whiteness.

00:58:08.200 I'm not, you find me far from that.

00:58:11.740 Like I was something like it, like they, if they came by me, they were going to catch whatever I had.

00:58:15.460 You know, and so that's, that's where, you know, so my mindset came from.

00:58:23.300 What if we all forgave everybody for everything?

00:58:26.820 What if a lot of these black leaders and speakers got up one day and said, you know what?

00:58:31.800 We forgive the people that did whatever they did against us.

00:58:35.160 Damn, that would be the boldest shit ever.

00:58:39.940 That would, now that would be very empowering.

00:58:43.020 Where that makes it tough to be able to do that is the finances.

00:58:48.320 You know, and it's, and I get it.

00:58:50.740 And that's why sometimes the ideas of socialism look, you know, some of that looks, it just, if anything, that the thing that makes me think, you know, and I'm not a socialist.

00:59:02.080 Maybe there's a part of me that is emotionally, but people aren't willing to give up their money.

00:59:11.440 You know, people aren't willing to, you know, we're still transitioning from a colonial time into a time, you know, where people were taking over lands.

00:59:19.300 You try to take over somebody's land now, fuck you can't, you're in court.

00:59:23.680 And they're, and they're, and they're telling you to get, get your fucking marmot tent off their property.

00:59:29.500 You know, if you try to plant corn in your neighbor's yard or go over there with an ax, he's going to fuck you up.

00:59:36.220 You know, and they're going to call the HOA.

00:59:39.280 So times have changed, but, you know, I think I, I just, you know, I don't, I love how the media jumped on Kanye immediately.

00:59:46.880 Oh, look, he's anti this and he's anti that.

00:59:49.800 Is he?

00:59:50.380 Or is he, if he's a, if he's a genius, if he's maybe here, just hear his thoughts.

00:59:57.600 What if we tried it?

01:00:00.400 You know, and the media just honestly, bro, they live.

01:00:03.560 I'm so sick of how many times they've led me wrong.

01:00:06.360 Media is full of shit.

01:00:07.760 They don't know anything because it's just the same groups of people.

01:00:11.900 They always take the same groups of people.

01:00:14.560 It's always a, you know, they're based out of New York and LA.

01:00:18.520 What do they know?

01:00:19.340 You know, that's where their stories, all these articles are coming from.

01:00:21.580 They don't know.

01:00:24.160 All they know is these small little circles that are getting more and more gentrified and not just gentrified.

01:00:29.560 And I know that's kind of a white thing like these cities, but it's a money thing.

01:00:34.360 Dog, you can't even get mugged in Manhattan anymore.

01:00:37.780 Try to get mugged in Manhattan.

01:00:39.140 You can't.

01:00:42.200 You got to stay.

01:00:42.880 Queens.

01:00:43.940 Shout out Queens.

01:00:44.840 Bro, Queens will still fuck you up.

01:00:48.040 You know, but some of these other places, Brooklyn.

01:00:51.360 Where Brooklyn at?

01:00:52.680 Where Brooklyn at?

01:00:54.080 Brooklyn's growing a mustache, dude.

01:00:57.020 Brooklyn's listening to Leonard Cohen, baby.

01:00:59.700 Brooklyn's just gotten all hipstered up.

01:01:03.260 You know, and look, I love that place.

01:01:05.760 You know, I go there and perform at the knitting factory, you know, with those boys, with Will and those boys.

01:01:11.740 And they got a great crew.

01:01:13.680 But, man, sometimes, I don't know, I guess I'm rambling.

01:01:19.080 But what if we try, you know?

01:01:20.680 You know, I think in our hearts, we all want to do things that are right.

01:01:27.980 But then in our pocketbooks is where we get scared.

01:01:33.560 And the media works from a place of our pocketbooks.

01:01:36.040 And I know you guys are saying, well, you know, what are you talking about the news?

01:01:39.640 But look, man, the news is always, the news is just scares people.

01:01:42.780 You know, I think the news, the news will say shit's bad.

01:01:47.100 Go outside.

01:01:47.800 Shit's not that bad.

01:01:49.700 You know, the news told us there was not, it was Nazi uprisings.

01:01:52.680 It was 200 weirdos in South Carolina.

01:01:56.400 That's all.

01:01:57.680 Has there been a ton of other shit?

01:01:59.200 No.

01:02:00.660 I do think that a lot of these stories that help us make us think and question stuff.

01:02:06.180 You know, the news say everybody's racist and everybody's this and that.

01:02:09.000 And I was just in my small town in Louisiana and I asked the teachers there and they said that racism is not like it used to be in this small school.

01:02:18.900 And that was a, that was one of the things that they pointed out.

01:02:23.140 And, you know, and I like hearing that.

01:02:27.680 And so it's, I don't know.

01:02:28.640 Some of that stuff just makes you mad.

01:02:29.820 I don't know.

01:02:30.180 I'm rambling.

01:02:31.380 Let's go to, let's go to some other calls.

01:02:32.960 And so I don't know.

01:02:33.760 I mean, I guess my thoughts on it are what if we tried to break, you know, what if we, how brave it is to think differently.

01:02:39.660 And to say it.

01:02:41.260 Dude, you know, especially in LA, it's so hard to say what you want to say.

01:02:46.180 Because you won't work.

01:02:48.860 These places won't hire you if you speak your mind.

01:02:52.640 And you want to talk about being enslaved.

01:02:57.280 You know, I was told my whole life, you know, like, you know, you leave, you know, you leave a place, you know, you want to be more liberal.

01:03:03.420 You go to California and you take your dreams out there.

01:03:06.120 And you got a chance, you know.

01:03:08.260 And I grew up seeing people like me on television and being like, oh, man, I got a chance.

01:03:12.900 You know, maybe I could end up out there.

01:03:14.400 Maybe I can make people laugh, you know.

01:03:16.520 Maybe I could take the one thing in my life that brings me joy, which is those moments when people are laughing.

01:03:22.980 You know, because I knew if somebody was laughing that they couldn't be hating me at the same time.

01:03:27.600 And nobody probably did hate me, but I hated myself so much that I just thought they all did.

01:03:31.860 So I was like, I got to make them laugh because they can't hate and laugh at the same time your body can't do it.

01:03:37.140 So then I, you know, I get into that and I come out to California and they, you know, and then suddenly it's like if you, if you're from these places, if you're from the Midwest, you're from the South and, you know, they just look down on us.

01:03:50.760 But they'll come there and take our stories in a heartbeat.

01:03:55.460 They'll come there and buy our stories, buy our scripts.

01:03:58.980 You know, they'll come there and shoot a Duck Dynasty show until they, you know, until it doesn't make money for them anymore.

01:04:05.880 Then they'll burn it down.

01:04:08.400 You know, they'll use us as much as they want some of these places.

01:04:12.820 So I don't know, man.

01:04:13.900 Look, I'm probably ruining my fucking career by saying some of this, but whatever.

01:04:19.000 I'm not.

01:04:19.540 I'm going to be okay.

01:04:21.420 Some of it's just frustrating sometimes because you get here and it's not the truth.

01:04:25.220 Everybody isn't welcome.

01:04:27.340 Everybody's story is, you got to fight so hard sometimes to get your story out.

01:04:31.980 But that's the struggle.

01:04:35.400 You know, they'll never take it away from me.

01:04:36.920 But if I go into some of these meetings and I yell and I say, well, I'm so, I can't do that.

01:04:42.840 I got to evolve.

01:04:45.640 I got to say, look, life's tough on everybody.

01:04:47.920 Everybody has their story.

01:04:50.720 Everybody has their struggle.

01:04:52.340 I'll keep that inside myself and I'll just make people laugh if I can, because that's what I came here for.

01:04:59.600 Right.

01:05:00.240 And so that's what I got to remember.

01:05:01.720 That's been the toughest thing.

01:05:02.860 That's been one of the toughest things for me to remember over the years.

01:05:05.060 I used to get on stage and be so angry.

01:05:06.500 I would be out here and I'd be performing.

01:05:09.620 I'd be so angry that I wasn't getting a chance.

01:05:15.220 And now I'm grateful.

01:05:16.240 A lot of that anger has been lifted.

01:05:17.340 I mean, I can share, I can come here and talk to you guys and kind of reflect and get back into it.

01:05:20.760 But a lot of that overall has been lifted.

01:05:22.740 And that's, you know, that's one of the blessings of life, I guess.

01:05:30.900 Or it's one of the little blessings in my own.

01:05:32.900 I got to be grateful for that.

01:05:34.540 Sorry for this ramble, man.

01:05:35.660 Sometimes, you know, I just, I don't know what I'm talking about.

01:05:39.940 But I hate feeling like I can't talk.

01:05:44.440 I hate feeling, here's what I hate feeling.

01:05:46.040 I hate feeling like it's fucked up for somebody to share an idea.

01:05:50.600 Because it's not the status quo.

01:05:52.180 Because it's not going to get the most likes on Instagram that day.

01:05:54.760 Or because it's not going to, you know.

01:05:58.040 Oh, Kanye's a genius until he shares one idea that people are like, huh?

01:06:02.240 Maybe he's a genius.

01:06:05.080 You know?

01:06:05.920 Maybe he's not.

01:06:06.700 I'm not saying that slavery never happened or that, I'm not saying any of that shit.

01:06:14.140 But I thought it was really interesting when Ben Carson said, he referred to, I don't know if I even expounded on it, but he referred to, he goes, when black people immigrated to America.

01:06:25.360 And I thought, wow, it was brave of him to say that.

01:06:29.580 Because that's brave, a way to rethink, a way to repurpose the thing that haunts, you know.

01:06:36.980 Yeah, slavery's America's biggest sin.

01:06:41.760 You know?

01:06:43.620 But to repurpose that and then go forward, the pride it takes to fucking do that.

01:06:49.180 If you're telling me that that ain't brave, bro.

01:06:52.000 And I'm not saying that's right, I'm not saying that's wrong, but I'm not going to sit here and be afraid to even talk about an idea or a thought that I have.

01:06:59.620 Because then what is this?

01:07:00.840 What is this podcast?

01:07:01.920 What are we doing?

01:07:02.560 We got this call that came in, man.

01:07:05.780 Let's hear it.

01:07:06.200 Here we go.

01:07:10.280 What up, Theo?

01:07:11.380 This is Tyson from Atlanta, Georgia.

01:07:13.340 Just saying, I'm a huge fan.

01:07:15.520 We saw the Man Up show.

01:07:17.680 I got my wife and I watching that YouTube at night.

01:07:20.260 It's hilarious.

01:07:20.760 Oh, thank you, Tyson.

01:07:22.300 I appreciate that, man.

01:07:24.060 Yeah, that's a special show.

01:07:25.320 If you haven't seen it, you can find it on Comedy Central Digital.

01:07:27.660 And we're hoping that they're going to give us a series.

01:07:30.500 And we had so much engagement and interaction.

01:07:32.180 I want to thank all our listeners for that, man.

01:07:33.660 It really means a lot.

01:07:35.040 It was a blast.

01:07:36.160 Onward.

01:07:37.540 Just coached my son's softball.

01:07:40.500 Actually, he's first grade.

01:07:42.100 Coach pitched today.

01:07:43.940 And instead of saying the team name on the count of three, we say gang gang.

01:07:47.960 So I just wanted to let you know that.

01:07:51.240 That's awesome, man.

01:07:52.440 Gang gang to them, man.

01:07:54.280 To that first grade baseball team, man.

01:07:59.580 And that's awesome.

01:08:00.400 You're out there being supportive with your son.

01:08:02.680 You know, when I even hear you say that, man, it just makes me feel something.

01:08:07.880 You know, it's nice to know that there's fathers and sons out there just doing stuff.

01:08:12.220 Even if it seems cliche type of stuff, throwing the ball around.

01:08:15.740 But there's something inside of the fabric inside of ourselves that that means something to you and to your boy.

01:08:21.180 Let's hear more.

01:08:22.940 I'm turning 40 on Friday, so I'm trying to deal with that.

01:08:25.920 It's crazy.

01:08:26.900 It comes faster than you think.

01:08:28.160 I know you're a couple years away.

01:08:30.140 But anyway, you know, you feel young, but you're getting old.

01:08:34.440 You know, that's it, man.

01:08:35.960 We do.

01:08:36.480 We feel one thing and our body's starting to fall.

01:08:38.960 It's like, you know, something else is happening on the outside.

01:08:41.180 But thank you so much, man, for calling, calling in and happy early 40th to you.

01:08:47.680 Let's hear a couple little bit.

01:08:49.040 Let's hear a little bit more here.

01:08:50.320 Here we go.

01:08:51.320 Onward.

01:08:53.140 What you say, boy?

01:08:54.940 It's your country cousin, Carson from Texas.

01:08:58.640 All right, Carson.

01:08:59.280 Thanks for calling.

01:08:59.800 I don't have any cousins.

01:09:00.900 Actually, I do have my brother.

01:09:04.260 My father had some.

01:09:06.280 I have one.

01:09:07.380 I actually have a cousin, but he's lit.

01:09:09.160 I'm not not joking.

01:09:10.080 He's I think he's 80, like 84 years old.

01:09:13.120 But onward.

01:09:14.440 I got cousins over there in L.A.

01:09:16.320 You got cousins over here in Texas.

01:09:18.480 East side.

01:09:19.360 You know how it goes.

01:09:21.300 I don't really know how it goes, man.

01:09:23.260 I mean, you know, I respect the family tree and I know that that family tree can get a

01:09:26.640 little viney, can get a little viney down there and in certain areas.

01:09:31.460 But let's hear more.

01:09:32.200 Dude, if an Arctic fox eats occasional Vietnamese people at Best Buy, if that's in his food path,

01:10:01.140 then maybe I could be part of that program.

01:10:03.340 Let's hear more.

01:10:04.620 But moving onward, I fucking love you, brother.

01:10:09.800 And I just want you to fucking invite the world back to the top because we just got this fucking shitty rap.

01:10:18.020 A bunch of app tickers and wife beaters and shit like that.

01:10:24.480 You know what?

01:10:25.900 I mean, I appreciate you saying some of this stuff, man.

01:10:29.340 I appreciate you calling in.

01:10:32.080 And both of those calls, Tyson and Carson there, sometimes we just want people to call the hotline

01:10:38.420 and say who listens to the show because we want to know.

01:10:41.080 I want to know who's listening because if I don't know who you are, then how do I know?

01:10:45.520 You know, then sometimes I don't know what ears I'm talking to.

01:10:49.400 But you know what?

01:10:52.260 The South does get a bad rap.

01:10:54.640 And you know what it is sometimes in the Midwest?

01:10:57.180 A lot of places do.

01:10:59.100 And you know what it is?

01:10:59.900 It's people.

01:11:01.620 People are, we are prone to make mistakes.

01:11:05.860 I'm making mistakes right now in my life.

01:11:07.880 You probably are too.

01:11:09.300 It sounds like you might be drinking and driving around actually, Carson.

01:11:11.940 So that's probably illegal.

01:11:13.940 But, you know, people are going to make mistakes.

01:11:16.720 But yeah, the South does.

01:11:17.640 It's like, you know, they definitely, it's always, you know, I mean, a lot has been made

01:11:22.980 of racial issues.

01:11:24.740 And it's tough.

01:11:26.320 Dude, it's tough being from a place and you didn't do anything.

01:11:30.180 You know, I didn't do anything.

01:11:32.440 You know, my family on my mother's side was from Illinois.

01:11:35.820 And my family on my father's side was from Nicaragua.

01:11:43.420 So, you know, I'm not coming in like that.

01:11:47.060 You know, my family didn't have any, enslave anyone.

01:11:50.800 You know, we didn't do a lot of those sins of this, of the area.

01:11:53.920 And probably a lot of the people that did are big businesses.

01:11:57.900 You know, people that owned a lot, had a lot of money and a lot of land.

01:12:00.500 You know, and who knows, those people now probably are, you know, they could be Rothschilds.

01:12:06.180 Who knows where they are?

01:12:08.620 You know, and we do get a bad rap.

01:12:10.220 We get a bad rap of idiots and stuff like that.

01:12:13.520 But I will say this, that, you know, in some places, you know, there's people who don't want

01:12:18.100 to evolve.

01:12:19.240 And that doesn't help us, that doesn't help us have a good rap.

01:12:22.900 You know, there's some places of people that just don't want to evolve.

01:12:25.660 And I think that those are people, I think those are both of all colors.

01:12:29.040 You know, I think those are black people.

01:12:31.480 I think those are white people that, you know, this white person that wants to sit out in

01:12:34.720 their small house or their big house or their trailer or their motor home or their mansion

01:12:40.960 or whatever with their money.

01:12:43.100 And they just want to say, oh, fuck these people.

01:12:46.760 They don't want to be part of the problem.

01:12:48.860 They don't want to be part of the solution.

01:12:50.380 They don't want to expand their thought in any way.

01:12:52.940 And then there's black people who want to probably sit places and say, oh, well, I'm fucked.

01:12:56.440 You know, I don't have a chance in the world.

01:12:59.100 I'm just going to, you know, I'm just going to take whatever easy way outs are in the world.

01:13:04.400 And I think both of those people in some ways are guilty of the exact same thing.

01:13:07.640 You know, and I think the mission for the rest of us is, is how do we get a word into these people's ear?

01:13:20.540 You know, and really, it's not even a black and white thing, really.

01:13:23.620 It can just be a rich and poor thing.

01:13:26.020 It can be an awake and a closed thing.

01:13:29.700 It's like, how do you get word to that person?

01:13:34.320 How do you adjust their heart a little bit or adjust their brain so it opens, unlocks their heart a little bit so they could think, just even brave to think a little bit differently?

01:13:45.500 You know, I'm reading this, I'm listening to this book still called Sex at Dawn.

01:13:48.900 And when I first heard it, man, they were talking like a lot of anti-Christian stuff and things like this.

01:13:52.960 Listen, some of it, I didn't want to listen because it hurts some of the fabric that's in me.

01:13:59.640 I'm not, I'm not a devout church goer, but I grew up in that world, you know, in that environment where I saw it.

01:14:07.080 You know, I only have a few memories of spending time with my father and one of a couple of those are at church.

01:14:13.040 And so there's little things that tie me to that.

01:14:16.420 And I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to rustle that fabric inside of me.

01:14:21.460 You know, I don't want to, I don't want to, because, you know, that just, I want that to stay how it is and be special.

01:14:29.780 And that's, but I, you know, but if I'm going to think, if I'm going to think bigger and I'm listening to this book and they're saying that, you know, we're not supposed to be monogamous and we're, it's not in our nature, but in my heart or somewhere inside of me, there's this little picture of this family.

01:14:43.220 I always wish I had, you know, that my parents were together and that we were all happy kids.

01:14:47.820 And then I'm sitting there and on my dad's knee and my mother's wiping fucking jelly or some shit I shouldn't have been eating off my face.

01:14:55.340 Because even as a young hitter, I probably straight up took that jelly jar to the dome.

01:14:59.020 But I had this, this, this idea that I don't want to alter.

01:15:05.380 And so I'm afraid to think, oh, what if I'm not going to end up in a monogamous relationship?

01:15:10.760 Or what if I'll never get married because it's not what's true to, could be true to my core?

01:15:14.960 What, I don't want to think those things because they, they fuck with this little Norman Rockwell picture I have inside of me.

01:15:21.140 But now keep listening to the book and all it's going to do is make me think a little bit more.

01:15:30.820 It's going to open up my, my, my thinking.

01:15:34.360 That's all it's going to do.

01:15:35.940 It's going to open it up some.

01:15:37.320 So then I can look at my Norman Rockwell picture and say, well, how could this picture be adjusted?

01:15:42.980 So it's not a sentence that I feel like I have to live and it's more actual replica of what my real true feelings and heart are like.

01:15:55.440 And so I listen.

01:15:58.420 So I try and listen.

01:16:00.340 But yeah, I feel you, Carson.

01:16:02.140 Thanks for calling about that.

01:16:03.220 It's like, you know, the South does get a bad rap, but it's like, when do we forgive a place and move forward?

01:16:08.500 You know, and it's just like, you know, it's like, and every place acts like, when do we act like we're not better than that other place?

01:16:17.020 You know, it's like, you know, Hollywood was all during the elections and everything.

01:16:24.520 Like we're all, everybody's making fun of Donald Trump and, you know, Bernie Sanders and, you know, people for being old and being this and being adulterous and stuff like that.

01:16:35.080 But, you know, Donald Trump's on his third wife.

01:16:38.320 Yeah, he probably is, you know, he, I'm sure he doesn't have any marriage that probably doesn't have adultery in it.

01:16:43.040 He probably stays up looking at pornography on the Internet.

01:16:46.540 But you know what's fucked up?

01:16:49.980 That's probably half the men in America.

01:16:53.740 I think there's a weird place where a lot of people related to him there.

01:16:56.600 Oh, in a weird way, this dude, I can, this dude's on his third, we know he's a, people know he's a cheat.

01:17:03.520 People know he's a dirty businessman.

01:17:05.580 They all are.

01:17:08.100 You know, I don't know why I'm bringing it to that, but it's like, I just, when do we start, you know, when is there a little bit more transparency?

01:17:15.500 You know, when do we, you know, stop pointing the finger because, you know, we point the finger here in Hollywood, but them fucking shyster, whatever his name was, was jerking off in ladies' plants and shit for movie roles.

01:17:33.900 We're all creeps.

01:17:36.080 We're all creeps.

01:17:37.020 What are we going to do about it?

01:17:39.360 All right, let's hear a little bit more, man.

01:17:41.440 Thank you so much for calling Carson.

01:17:43.620 Onward.

01:17:44.460 See you.

01:17:44.780 So, Jason, up here in Washington.

01:17:47.580 It is Thursday, May 3rd, and just giving you a call, man.

01:17:53.500 I'm trying to let you know you're slacking on your pimpin', homie.

01:17:56.640 Thank you for Jason.

01:17:57.520 Thank you, Jason, from Washington for calling.

01:17:59.040 I'm slacking on the pimpin'.

01:17:59.940 Let me know more about that, Cat Daddy.

01:18:02.120 I'm a delivery driver, and I look forward to, when I first started listening to your podcast was after you were on The Fire and the Kid, which I listened to because of Joe Rogan.

01:18:12.440 I've been listening to Joe Rogan since probably episode 50 with him and Redman on the couch anyways.

01:18:17.400 Okay, so you listened to Joe Rogan since the beginning, man.

01:18:19.780 That's beautiful, brother.

01:18:20.700 Onward.

01:18:22.300 Get your ass in gear, because you're letting me down.

01:18:24.400 I look forward to downloading your podcast on Stitcher and listening to them offline in my delivery truck.

01:18:31.140 Thursday, you got nothing up, and when I started listening to you, you put something up on Monday and then Thursday.

01:18:39.280 Okay, you're right, and I'm just going to stop you right there, Jason, and not out of anger or angst, and I appreciate you calling, brother, and I appreciate you being a delivery driver and downloading the podcast in advance so you can have them.

01:18:50.000 So you're not burning up your megabytes while you're out there on the road, while you're out there delivering them hitters, but Thursday isn't guaranteed, man.

01:18:57.980 I try my best.

01:18:59.200 Sometimes what happens to me is if I don't, like, regroup a little, then I don't have anything to say, you know?

01:19:07.180 It's like you ever call somebody and have nothing to tell them?

01:19:11.720 Sometimes, like, on Wednesday, I feel like that, and so I have to not do a Thursday, you know?

01:19:16.640 And then sometimes, too, I'll put a Thursday up on Patreon.

01:19:19.620 You know, Patreon keeps this show going.

01:19:22.240 You know, there's no profit on this show as a business.

01:19:28.660 Okay?

01:19:29.180 So just so you know where this show is, like, as far as a business mind, as a business thing.

01:19:34.680 And if it weren't for the people on Patreon donating money every month, then we wouldn't be able to pay for what we have going on.

01:19:43.080 And it's been great, and it's been good.

01:19:44.760 And I'm grateful.

01:19:48.120 So sometimes I have to give something just for them, you know?

01:19:50.900 And so that's where that's at.

01:19:52.160 But I appreciate you, Jason.

01:19:53.340 I appreciate you being out there, getting the job done, and working hard.

01:19:55.440 Man, you work hard, bro.

01:19:57.020 I'll say this.

01:19:57.700 Man, you work hard in this country.

01:20:01.880 You know, you can have a good shot.

01:20:04.480 But it is fucked up when some people don't even get the chance because their environment is so fucked up that they never get the chance to be at the starting line.

01:20:15.300 And that is a lot of the heartbreak of poverty.

01:20:20.960 And I think that's a lot of the heartbreak you see of – and a lot – for me, that's what I see in a lot of, like, poor black and poor white culture in America is you see people that have just never had a chance.

01:20:33.860 You know, and I'm not speaking out of context.

01:20:37.780 I'm not speaking for anybody.

01:20:38.640 Man, I could drive you through neighborhoods that I grew up next to and drive you past friends' houses in my old neighborhood.

01:20:45.620 And you just know, man, the odds that somebody in this place is going to have a shot, it's going to be slim.

01:20:53.580 It's not because of the home, but it's because of, you know, maybe their parent, their mother or grandfather never had a chance.

01:21:00.100 And that shit ebbs.

01:21:00.920 That shit ebbs and flows right down through the bloodlines.

01:21:03.540 It's tough.

01:21:04.960 It's green privilege, man.

01:21:06.400 You know, there's a lot of green privilege out there.

01:21:10.640 But thank you, Jason, for calling.

01:21:11.980 Let's hear a little bit more, man.

01:21:13.040 We got another call coming in here.

01:21:14.320 Here we go.

01:21:15.500 Hey, sir.

01:21:16.100 It's Caleb from the UK.

01:21:18.200 I was wondering about these dark arts, man.

01:21:20.600 This is Caleb from the UK calling about the dark arts.

01:21:23.140 Homeward.

01:21:23.740 It's, you know, the cocaine I like a bit.

01:21:26.780 I don't get coke on the weekends, but not too much, so it's not taking over my life.

01:21:30.860 So you do cocaine sometimes on the weekends.

01:21:34.780 It's not taking over your life.

01:21:37.240 But, okay, let's hear more.

01:21:39.320 Well, I just want to know when it takes over, you know.

01:21:42.280 I like it.

01:21:45.400 I enjoy it, but I know it's a dark art.

01:21:47.380 So I wonder what you think.

01:21:50.020 When should it stop, you know?

01:21:52.620 When should it take over?

01:21:54.380 I'm part of the CEO.

01:21:55.920 The past weekend Facebook page, and we need you over the UK, but what are your thoughts on that?

01:22:00.660 Caleb, thank you for calling.

01:22:02.660 You said you're part of the Facebook group.

01:22:04.640 And, yeah, if you want to join that, there's a great Facebook group for this past weekend on, obviously, Facebook.

01:22:10.040 And a lot of extra stuff goes on there.

01:22:12.260 And our producer, Nick Davis, and myself.

01:22:14.420 And, you know, we try and keep that thing wily over there.

01:22:18.400 Keep it wiling.

01:22:19.060 So, yeah, go there and join that if you want.

01:22:22.740 Also, if you get a chance, man, go comment on us on iTunes.

01:22:26.260 You know, that helps us a lot on iTunes show up in search engines and all of that.

01:22:29.720 Leave a comment.

01:22:30.560 It doesn't have to be a good comment.

01:22:31.820 It can be negative.

01:22:33.640 But still, a comment is a comment.

01:22:35.640 So I appreciate that if you can.

01:22:38.920 I'll tell you this, Caleb.

01:22:41.460 For me, when cocaine was a problem for me was when it started.

01:22:45.140 COVID, it kept me from things that I knew were more important to me.

01:22:55.140 You know, I have that story that's up out there about when I ended up on the radio show in New York in the morning.

01:23:01.520 And I couldn't talk because I was so high.

01:23:05.800 And, you know, that night was fun and fucking crazy.

01:23:10.920 And the story's funny.

01:23:12.700 But in that moment, dude, it was tragic.

01:23:16.860 Because here was a great opportunity, man, to get on the Opie and Jim Norton radio show.

01:23:22.000 You know, two men that I admire.

01:23:24.420 And that night, I went out that night with my friends planning and excited about going the next morning.

01:23:31.300 And then here I was that next morning showing up and I couldn't talk because of cocaine.

01:23:35.280 Because I couldn't control myself.

01:23:38.080 So that's when.

01:23:39.780 When I started canceling some work meetings and stuff like that because, you know, I'd gotten in bed the night before at 9 o'clock.

01:23:47.800 Next thing you know, I got a text from somebody to go to the comedy club or to the bar.

01:23:50.940 Next thing you know, I'm at the bar.

01:23:51.820 Next thing you know, it's 9 a.m., 12 hours later.

01:23:55.660 And I'm high in my bed.

01:23:56.820 You know, I've watched all the pornography in the world and I have to cancel whatever meetings I have that day or auditions or anything because I'm, I haven't been, I'm, I haven't been asleep.

01:24:09.680 So that's when, when it, when it outweighed something that, that was part of my original path.

01:24:15.620 Because my original path was to show up for my day.

01:24:18.700 And now I wasn't doing that.

01:24:20.720 My original path was to be on the radio and be excited and be there and be grateful for the people that had me there.

01:24:26.000 And now, and I'm not doing that because drugs were just, they were, that other side of the teeter-totter with that blow cane on it was getting icy.

01:24:36.280 And look, I'm not telling anybody not to do cocaine.

01:24:38.360 If you can do it, you go do it.

01:24:41.000 Okay, if you can manage it well, go manage it well.

01:24:44.300 Handle it, enjoy it.

01:24:45.900 But for me, I could not.

01:24:47.820 For me, at a certain point, I could not.

01:24:49.900 One day, might I be able to again?

01:24:51.820 Maybe so.

01:24:52.680 We shall see.

01:24:53.840 If they come out with some light cocaine.

01:24:56.640 You know what I'm saying?

01:24:57.760 Give me a couple grams of that 5% yayo.

01:25:01.760 95% Dr. Scholl's foot powder.

01:25:09.220 Okay, man.

01:25:09.980 Let's see if we can get another couple calls.

01:25:11.180 This episode has gone on long.

01:25:15.340 And here we go.

01:25:16.540 I talked about not smoking last week.

01:25:18.820 And I went three days.

01:25:21.400 And then I fucking got in an argument a little bit.

01:25:24.020 And one thing led to the next.

01:25:26.040 And I couldn't.

01:25:26.780 And I gave up.

01:25:28.260 And then.

01:25:28.980 But here we did this right here.

01:25:32.640 But then I smoked yesterday as well.

01:25:34.520 So here we go.

01:25:36.040 Laura.

01:25:37.520 Theo Vaughn.

01:25:38.620 It's Laura from Philadelphia.

01:25:40.380 What's up, Laura from Philly?

01:25:42.340 Onward.

01:25:43.300 To show some support for you and your quitting smoking cigarettes.

01:25:47.120 I haven't had one since, I think, the second week in February.

01:25:51.640 Dang.

01:25:52.520 So if today is May 7th, second week in February, you're coming up on, wow, about 11 weeks, I think, guessing.

01:26:00.600 And the main thing that helped was finding other reasons to go outside.

01:26:06.560 If I'm out with people and everybody's hanging out, all the smokers get to go outside and go smoke.

01:26:12.580 So I decided why not just go outside and not smoke.

01:26:16.280 Go outside, walk around the block.

01:26:18.380 Any reason to just be outside and not standing around smoking a cigarette.

01:26:22.820 Also, I don't know if you have access to a yard or anything like that.

01:26:28.760 A yard?

01:26:29.440 This ain't prison, boo.

01:26:31.240 Onward, Laura.

01:26:32.320 But plants.

01:26:33.760 Get plants.

01:26:35.180 Be that nerd that's outside gardening.

01:26:38.120 It's the best.

01:26:39.560 I started doing it.

01:26:40.640 I have a little patch of land out back of my spot in Philly, and it helps a lot.

01:26:46.140 I'm out there all the time.

01:26:47.780 It's a good space to think about things.

01:26:49.920 You're not distracted by cell phones or computers or anything like that.

01:26:54.200 You're just out in the sunshine.

01:26:55.740 I love it.

01:26:56.840 I love that idea, and I love picturing you out there in your little garden.

01:26:59.440 You're not there in Philadelphia in your yard, and that's a beautiful picture.

01:27:02.760 Lauren, I thank you for saying this.

01:27:04.940 I used to get jealous of cigarette smokers because when I worked at a restaurant, and I

01:27:10.120 was a bus boy, and I used to fucking bus, dude.

01:27:13.800 You know what I'm saying?

01:27:14.840 They got dirty glasses over there on table 12, brother, and I was there in a heartbeat.

01:27:20.220 I would out-bust everybody.

01:27:22.300 Latinos, anybody that showed up.

01:27:24.480 I was out in those dirty dish streets.

01:27:27.620 So, and I'd finish a fucking dessert in the back, dude.

01:27:30.660 I'd go hide in the toilet with half of a fucking cookie and ice cream.

01:27:34.180 Bitch, gang, gang.

01:27:35.800 That's mine.

01:27:36.520 But thank you for calling.

01:27:38.980 You're right.

01:27:39.400 You know, I think the things you really said are just get out.

01:27:42.560 Get outdoors.

01:27:44.380 Let that sun hit you.

01:27:46.220 Find a hobby.

01:27:48.220 Find something to put on the other side of that scale.

01:27:50.940 Because if all I got on that side of the scale is a cigarette, I know that, you know, I'm

01:27:56.280 going to go do that.

01:27:57.080 I'm going to, what's on the other side of that scale?

01:27:59.500 What other reason am I going outside for?

01:28:02.900 You know?

01:28:03.720 And you know what's funny?

01:28:04.560 I think even you calling, I was thinking about smoking later on tonight, and I think

01:28:07.560 I might not now.

01:28:09.660 I swear to God.

01:28:11.960 Because sometimes you just want to hear about somebody else's journey, and it almost kind

01:28:15.980 of ruined it for me in a weird way, but in a weird good way.

01:28:20.940 By you sharing what happened with you, you know, you can do it.

01:28:24.160 I'm like, fuck.

01:28:25.700 I can't go the rest of the day now?

01:28:29.140 Laura can do it.

01:28:31.380 You know?

01:28:32.300 Laura with them petunias in her yard, with that back, you know, with that little back,

01:28:37.540 that little back, that little back strip of land with them gladioles on it.

01:28:43.620 You know, she out there with them azaleas, with them bougainvilleans.

01:28:47.800 If she can do it, I can do it.

01:28:49.440 So thank you for calling.

01:28:50.780 That is some good guidance.

01:28:51.720 I'm doing my best.

01:28:53.120 You know, I went three full days, and in the past two days, I smoked at night.

01:28:57.680 But just in the evening at the comedy club.

01:29:00.060 Let's take one more call, man, and then we'll get out of here.

01:29:02.360 Um, let's take this one, uh, right here.

01:29:10.200 All right, Phil.

01:29:11.860 You had a couple of calls from Scotland in the last episode.

01:29:16.340 Wow, we got another Scotsman here, and this is, this is crazy.

01:29:20.180 I didn't, we're turning into a real international thing.

01:29:22.840 You know, we got somebody out there in East Texas.

01:29:25.300 You know, we got somebody, um, teaching ball in Atlanta.

01:29:28.340 We got beautiful Laura out there planting them petunias, planting those smoke-free petunias.

01:29:36.460 And I didn't even tell you congratulations, Laura.

01:29:38.560 Because, dude, I'll tell you this.

01:29:39.740 I've quit cocaine, man.

01:29:42.220 Trying not to ever smoke.

01:29:44.740 Because most of the day I'll be fine.

01:29:46.380 But it hits about 9.30 p.m.

01:29:47.680 I'm at the comedy club.

01:29:49.720 Mm.

01:29:49.880 And that's when it gets tough.

01:29:51.940 And now we got some, uh, people calling from other countries.

01:29:53.960 Let's hear more, brother.

01:29:54.700 Thank you for calling.

01:29:56.000 Sorry, it inspired me to just, to just phone you.

01:29:59.300 I was going to ask, I, I, um, are you about to sort of graduate, as you thought?

01:30:03.960 And, uh, I'm not really sure what to, what to do afterwards.

01:30:08.380 And, and so I thought I'd ask, what, when you were, you know, in your sort of early 20s or whatever,

01:30:14.480 what did you want to do?

01:30:15.420 Because I'm always sort of jealous of people who have, like,

01:30:19.500 you have your comedy and, and different people do different things.

01:30:22.300 And it's one thing to actually achieve a dream, but even just to have one,

01:30:26.060 it seems like it would be, it would take a lot of, uh, a lot of stress, a lot of things.

01:30:31.980 And, uh, I don't really have a dream.

01:30:33.260 I don't know what I would do.

01:30:35.740 Man.

01:30:36.720 Dude, something about when somebody calls from another country and he's like,

01:30:39.720 I don't really have a dream.

01:30:41.960 Um, I'm not, I'm not taking the piss out of you there.

01:30:45.180 Uh, um, I appreciate you calling, man.

01:30:47.960 And, you know, you know, I, I can understand what you're saying.

01:30:53.520 You know, it's tough and you're young though.

01:30:55.940 You're a young guy.

01:30:56.820 And so you have a lot of time.

01:30:58.740 And one of the cool things about being young is that you don't have to have that yet.

01:31:03.980 You know, maybe some of the thing could be that in your head, you got this idea that

01:31:12.420 you have to have that.

01:31:13.440 And if you don't have, oh, I'm going to be a lawyer, I'm going to be this, or I'm going

01:31:16.760 to be that, that, that, that, that makes you feel like, oh, no direction.

01:31:20.960 But man, you know, I love being a comedian these days, but there were, if I could take

01:31:29.780 a year and go maybe to a law school, I think I would love that.

01:31:35.980 You know, I would love to have that, you know, or start a coffee shop somewhere and be a barista

01:31:41.100 and just, excuse me, meet people all day, man, I think I would just love that.

01:31:48.680 If I could maybe go, you know, to a school for therapy and learn how to, you know, listen

01:31:57.120 to people, I think I would love that.

01:32:00.620 So, you know, I think you, you got to embrace this time where you don't know.

01:32:05.460 That's awesome, man.

01:32:06.580 You don't know anything can happen.

01:32:09.260 Possibility.

01:32:13.020 You still have possibility.

01:32:15.600 And here's how you find out.

01:32:17.480 You got to try.

01:32:19.440 Dude, seven years ago, or actually probably about nine, maybe nine years ago now, I moved

01:32:26.160 back to Louisiana and I got a real estate license and I did real estate for like six months.

01:32:31.600 And I worked with a buddy of mine whose house I used to live at, my friend Bo growing up.

01:32:34.960 I used to live over at his house for a bit.

01:32:36.360 He and his brother had a real estate thing and I got into that for a bit and, and it

01:32:43.280 was fun, you know, but this one out comedy one out over time.

01:32:48.860 You know, at the same time I was bartending.

01:32:50.800 I was, you know, tending bar or basically a Mexican restaurant that also sold liquor.

01:32:54.580 And I broke a fucking, uh, margarita machine over there, dude.

01:32:58.740 First day at work, broke like a $700 margarita machine.

01:33:02.300 Damn.

01:33:04.140 And that's also like, fuck man, I can't, but I worked there for a lot, you know, I worked

01:33:08.920 for six months and maybe even a year I stayed there.

01:33:11.380 And, uh, and it was, you know, it was what it was.

01:33:16.060 It was good.

01:33:16.660 It was joy.

01:33:17.700 You know, I made the most of it.

01:33:19.540 And, um, and so you got to try things, man.

01:33:23.240 That's how you'll know you got to try things, but don't feel bad about yourself because you

01:33:28.240 don't know.

01:33:30.620 You don't, you don't, maybe you don't not know.

01:33:32.640 You haven't decided yet.

01:33:36.400 Try and reframe it, man.

01:33:37.880 You know, cause you sound like a nice person and even by calling in, I can tell you this

01:33:43.660 about yourself.

01:33:44.480 You're a person that cares about yourself because you're putting it out there.

01:33:50.060 You care about yourself.

01:33:51.780 So what does that mean?

01:33:52.680 You're very caring.

01:33:54.620 So if you want a little clue, what do, what, what kind of jobs could caring people do?

01:33:59.640 Well, people that care make good, um, nurses, you know, and I don't know if, I mean, in nurse

01:34:05.360 in America, nursing can be male or female.

01:34:07.420 I don't know what it, what it is in Scotland or teachers, um, you know, therapists, you

01:34:15.720 know, people that are caring, um, you know, shit, you could do lawn care, you know, you

01:34:23.100 could work with Laura in Philadelphia, but you, you have the ability, you still have anything

01:34:30.220 and you don't know what that's like, man.

01:34:33.340 There's a lot of us even sitting here doing, you know, I know I got to go to the comedy

01:34:37.780 store all week at the comedy clubs and, and I'm grateful for it because it's what I like

01:34:42.140 to do, but it's still my work.

01:34:45.620 You know, I'd love to have a, man, I would love to go back to school sometime and learn

01:34:49.620 like a new trade.

01:34:51.680 You know, I thought the other day I would like to look, I'd like to go look for gold.

01:34:55.700 They got this man in, um, if Arizona or New Mexico who buried $2 million worth of gold

01:35:02.700 out there.

01:35:03.500 And I'd like to go look for that, but I don't have, you know, I don't have that time.

01:35:07.760 I don't have that luxury.

01:35:09.060 So you have the luxury of freedom and you have the luxury of possibility.

01:35:13.240 So I think you're going to do really great things.

01:35:17.000 Maybe try one.

01:35:19.420 What if, so what if you're wrong?

01:35:20.940 You have time.

01:35:22.560 So what if you take six months and, and take a class and you decide, oh, that's not what

01:35:26.840 I want to be.

01:35:27.220 I don't want to be a town planner.

01:35:28.440 I don't want to be a, you know, I don't want to run a bar.

01:35:30.740 Good.

01:35:31.420 Now, you know, two things you don't want to do.

01:35:33.380 So now that, that indecisive world is a little bit, there's less to less options to choose from.

01:35:39.320 You know, I fucking in college, I didn't know what was going on.

01:35:41.960 I kept jumping around to different colleges because I wanted to travel.

01:35:45.120 And you asked me what I wanted to do.

01:35:46.720 I wanted to travel.

01:35:48.200 So I went to set, I ended up at seven different universities and I traveled and I, you know,

01:35:53.360 and it was fun.

01:35:55.320 And, you know, I had like 300 fucking credit hours and no diploma.

01:36:00.300 You know, I took some of the same classes four or five times because I didn't know that

01:36:03.440 that wasn't, you couldn't do it.

01:36:05.480 I didn't fail them.

01:36:06.320 I would just, any class I did good in, I would just take it again at the next school.

01:36:09.340 So then I got to the counselor finally.

01:36:12.120 He's like, well, dude, you, you know, you got, you know, 60 hours of speech and reasoning

01:36:17.680 level 101.

01:36:19.900 And I'm like, fuck yeah.

01:36:21.400 And he's like, fuck no.

01:36:24.460 So look, man, I think you got a world ahead of you.

01:36:26.740 And, um, and you, you know, get out there and give us, take some chances, man.

01:36:32.880 You got time.

01:36:35.000 Uh, what else, man?

01:36:36.420 Let's take, uh, I'll hit this one more call right here and then we're going to, uh, we're

01:36:40.160 going to retire for the day.

01:36:41.100 Here we go.

01:36:42.520 Hey, what's up, Theo?

01:36:43.720 This is James Emmerich.

01:36:45.080 I'm from North Carolina, Asheville.

01:36:47.360 Hey, James Emmerich.

01:36:48.500 Thank you for calling, man.

01:36:49.340 I'll be at Charlie Goodnight's in July.

01:36:51.000 I believe you want to come through there sometime, but, uh, onward.

01:36:55.200 And, uh, I just, I love this past weekend.

01:36:57.720 It's a great podcast.

01:36:59.620 Thank you, dude.

01:37:01.020 You know, I appreciate that, man.

01:37:02.380 You know, we're trying to make it good.

01:37:03.500 And, and, um, and Chris Perez and Nick Davis, uh, are so supportive and, you know, we got,

01:37:09.700 you know, my buddy, Kevin best that helps with the shirts and, you know, uh, Laurel down

01:37:14.140 there in Tampa who runs stuff and keeps, you know, um, listenership up.

01:37:18.580 And there's a lot of neat people who help, but thank you, onward.

01:37:22.060 Monogamy in general has brought up a lot of questions to me, um, really, especially recently

01:37:28.400 with past relationships falling apart, um, wanting to be more promiscuous and finding

01:37:35.100 other women to be with and share relations with.

01:37:38.180 And, you know, you want that person to sleep with, then you want other things in life too

01:37:42.740 that just go beyond that.

01:37:44.760 Maybe not just sleeping with them, but just casual sexual encounter.

01:37:49.220 And, uh, it's just so shut down and, um, pushed far down under the rug for most people, especially

01:37:57.780 with religious backgrounds that you shouldn't be doing that.

01:38:01.400 And I just been reading this book by Christopher Ryan called Sex at Dawn.

01:38:07.260 And it just opened up so much more.

01:38:09.880 I just like, you know, your thoughts about monogamy.

01:38:14.320 Well, thanks for calling, man.

01:38:15.960 Um, I don't know if you already knew that I was reading that book or not.

01:38:19.140 Uh, so I couldn't tell that in the call, but that's the, that's the book that I'm reading,

01:38:22.760 listening to right now.

01:38:23.960 I'm listening to it.

01:38:25.700 Um, you know, it's definitely something that I struggle with.

01:38:29.760 You know, I do struggle with heavily with, um, with desires, mostly of, you know, of like,

01:38:41.040 you know, I don't struggle with desire to love someone else.

01:38:47.860 You know, if I'm in love, I don't struggle with the desire to love someone else.

01:38:50.940 I just struggle with, you know, sexual desires.

01:38:53.640 Um, and, you know, almost a, just a desire to act out, you know, a desire to misbehave,

01:39:01.700 a desire to mess something up for myself or to, you know, but yeah, sexually.

01:39:06.180 Yeah.

01:39:06.600 I think it makes you question a lot, you know, because we do, you want this family element

01:39:12.740 and it feels like that's what it's supposed to all be.

01:39:15.080 But, but do our behaviors, you know, or do our behavior so, so different that we do want

01:39:24.740 to be able to have tris and, you know, um, still feel that sexual thing.

01:39:30.980 I think it's rare that people can feel the sexual, you know, maintain a lot of sexual energy

01:39:35.900 and still stay in a marriage.

01:39:38.600 I was talking to a friend of mine, Bill, I talked to him a lot.

01:39:40.980 He's up there in San Francisco.

01:39:41.900 And, you know, he has that in his marriage where there's still a lot of good sexual chemistry

01:39:46.000 and, um, and, you know, that's a fear that I have.

01:39:49.500 I have a fear that if I'm, you know, in a marriage, will I be able to do that forever?

01:39:55.460 Will I be able to, you know, remain monogamous?

01:39:58.440 And I don't know if I'm really honest, man, I do not know, but I also don't know if that's

01:40:05.980 because there's something inside of me that is off, that I haven't healed, that it's fear.

01:40:14.300 Because I know for sure that I want to be in love.

01:40:17.080 No doubt about it.

01:40:19.360 No doubt about it.

01:40:21.940 You know, um, I mean, I'm spending time with a gal now and it's, you know, and it's feels great.

01:40:28.500 You know, but, but I do, I do worry, but well, well, is monogamy something I'm going to be able to do my whole life?

01:40:39.300 You know, and I don't know.

01:40:42.660 And, you know, it does tie back in my mind to this idea of what things are supposed to be.

01:40:47.780 You know, and also, is it just too much pressure these days with the technology?

01:40:54.860 I mean, back in the day, the only other woman you saw, maybe you're at the store with your wife

01:40:58.220 and you see a woman across the aisle, you know, squeeze a grapefruit.

01:41:02.800 And you go in the truck and jerk off real quick.

01:41:05.400 Tell your wife you have to go to the restroom or whatever.

01:41:07.220 You're going to look at the whiskey.

01:41:09.560 But now that, that is around every corner.

01:41:12.500 There's when it's everywhere.

01:41:14.020 It's all over.

01:41:14.720 It's part of our society.

01:41:15.880 Sex sells and it's out there.

01:41:18.400 So it's, you know, it's tough.

01:41:21.780 Do I think that I'll be able to be monogamous my whole life and stay in a monogamous relationship?

01:41:27.480 I don't.

01:41:29.440 You know, if I'm really honest with myself, I don't.

01:41:34.660 But I also don't know if that's because I suffer with, you know, not only some intimacy issues,

01:41:44.760 but intimacy of the connection, intimacy of, you know, trusting someone enough to be able to be in love with them enough

01:41:58.220 where I don't want to act that way or feel that way or where that I don't act out sexually because it's me protecting myself by giving me a way to not stay present in my relationship.

01:42:21.580 And by doing that, it'll then trick me into thinking, oh, because the relationship isn't good for you, you know, or, you know, love isn't ever going to work for you.

01:42:36.360 So then my brain will trick me and, oh, well, behave this way over here or, you know, watch this pornography or do this or flirt with it, you know, this girl or act out sexually.

01:42:48.580 And that will, that will just support what my brain is already saying, you know, or that will give my brain proof.

01:43:00.180 Okay, cool, man.

01:43:01.040 We got to shut it down.

01:43:01.860 I appreciate you guys for being here.

01:43:03.300 Thank you again to Paul from Boston for his This Past Weekend story.

01:43:08.940 Make sure to leave a review on iTunes if you can.

01:43:11.580 Check out the This Past Weekenders on Facebook.

01:43:14.580 Facebook, that's our Facebook group as well.

01:43:20.340 Thursday's episodes are bonus episodes.

01:43:21.920 We're going to try to get them up when we can.

01:43:23.580 We got a great guest coming in this Wednesday, and that is Eddie Bravo, the conspiracy theorist.

01:43:29.500 We're excited to have him come on.

01:43:31.560 So hopefully that should be up on Thursday.

01:43:34.000 Thank you to our callers.

01:43:35.740 Thank you to Jack who had the, you know, the gonads that, you know, got really big, the big ball in out there.

01:43:42.120 Thank you to Tyson, the softball coach in Atlanta.

01:43:45.320 Thank you to Carson from Texas who said we are related.

01:43:50.380 Thank you to Jason for calling and asking about the Thursday hitters.

01:43:54.020 Thank you for James calling in with a question about monogamy.

01:43:58.340 And Caleb over there in Scotland and the trouble with cocaine.

01:44:03.180 When it's too much for you, you know, when it's on the other side of the scale, you know,

01:44:09.540 when the heavier side of the teeter-totter has cocaine on it, that's when it was too much for me.

01:44:14.780 I can't tell you when it's too much for you, bud, but that's when it was too much for me,

01:44:18.120 and I do appreciate you calling, sharing what's making you hurt.

01:44:21.100 That's it, man.

01:44:25.060 If you want to call in this week, call in about monogamy.

01:44:27.460 Call in about that.

01:44:28.360 Call in about how you're managing it.

01:44:30.600 Call in about, you know, what your fears were if you overcame it.

01:44:33.940 If you were acting out in a relationship or marriage or that kind of thing, call in.

01:44:39.060 How did that test your heart?

01:44:41.260 You know, because I'm, sometimes, you know, I feel like I was born with a vasectomy

01:44:45.100 that disconnected my nuts from my heart.

01:44:48.880 And so I'd love to connect those things a little bit better.

01:44:52.780 Because, you know, I can feel, sometimes it's, it's just so hard.

01:44:56.560 Literally, the lights just went out here in the studio.

01:44:58.520 So if you're on YouTube, that's just because, uh, fucking who knows why.

01:45:01.960 But you guys, um, actually, since the lights just went out here,

01:45:05.700 it's a perfect time to, uh, to listen to this song, Shine by Bishop Gunn.

01:45:11.420 Uh, we'll see you guys hopefully on Thursday.

01:45:13.620 If not, we'll, we'll do the follow-ups to the calls, um, for next week.

01:45:17.720 Um, but call in, leave thoughts on, uh, on that topic and, uh, or anything that we talked about.

01:45:23.160 You know, thinking about Kanye, talking about, um, perception.

01:45:27.000 Um, you know, anything we talked about, man, this is our conversation.

01:45:30.900 So thank you very much.

01:45:47.640 I'm just sitting on your front porch, wondering how could I be so far from my home?

01:45:56.080 And my mind is somewhere else, but when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been blown.

01:46:06.800 Now I'm just falling on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

01:46:16.100 I must be cornerstone.

01:46:21.260 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.

01:46:26.080 Be good to yourselves, man.

01:46:53.760 And you probably deserve it.

01:47:00.500 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be

01:47:05.700 sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure

01:47:10.540 your partner.

01:47:11.820 The answer may shock you.

01:47:13.560 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

01:47:15.700 Sometimes I won't.

01:47:16.480 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

01:47:20.220 You have three new voice messages.

01:47:23.220 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

01:47:26.140 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.

01:47:30.440 So great.

01:47:31.800 Hi, sweetheart.

01:47:33.480 Here's the deal.

01:47:34.800 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.

01:47:38.740 Jermaine.

01:47:39.300 Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

01:47:43.800 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:47:45.900 Oh, no.

01:47:48.180 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

01:47:50.600 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:47:54.760 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:47:59.000 Third rule.

01:47:59.940 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.

01:48:02.660 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:48:04.340 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - May 07, 2018

Think Differently ｜ This Past Weekend #93

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