Ep 157 - Blood Pillow w⧸ The Raven
Episode Stats
Length
2 hours and 3 minutes
Words per Minute
212.84735
Hate Speech Sentences
235
Summary
This week, the boys discuss the tragic death of a young man named Ocho Cinco, and the growing pains of being a pastor. They also talk about the recent murder of a man named Mr. Toad, and how it could have been prevented.
Transcript
00:00:23.680
But in my mind, I'm going, like, just don't bust.
00:01:13.420
Will people send your podcast pictures of their dick?
00:01:37.560
Ben, when are you going to stop playing games with God?
00:01:59.760
They're just jealous because they have big tits
00:02:04.980
I bet you Laura Loomer gets it in exclusively with Proud Boys.
00:02:34.400
So I can only fit a third of my dick into Toad's...
00:02:39.500
You want to kill me or you want to give me a bone?
00:11:35.100
He said he was trying to fit in with the culture
00:11:41.200
You know what's trying to fit in with the culture?
00:11:47.460
Like we went to the public's out there and everything.
00:11:59.440
you dress like you don't have any money to steal from you.
00:12:26.440
we have just finished eating at a lovely burger joint with Clint,
00:12:46.180
And he's fucking dressed like a normal person at the burger joint.
00:13:15.640
you have to be dressed like you're about to fall asleep at any given time.
00:13:28.920
So I dressed up by putting pants on to go do the show with Luke and these two fucking retards.
00:13:45.940
I'm working the motherfucking out of that work time.
00:14:01.580
because how many like investment bakers do you see in like Lamborghinis?
00:14:07.740
just get me in the most comfortable shit imaginable.
00:14:22.820
I've had a good amount of money for a long time.
00:14:33.420
He has also a sort of a landscape portrait of watermelon on his kitchen.
00:14:56.840
He's got fucking hot sauce on the floor and watermelon on the wall.
00:15:13.760
So the one thing that I've acquired in terms of furniture is a giant,
00:15:21.260
They declined because they thought I would rape their wives,
00:15:47.120
they have a whole different like symbol for it.
00:16:05.940
so he doesn't have like a booze cabinet where he like spends money on like,
00:16:10.580
but if you came to my house back when I lived in Carlsbad,
00:16:25.020
I want Clint to move next to me so badly just to see what kind of fuck,
00:17:12.440
I have Clint wrapped up to a duality and it's a very interesting dual.
00:17:51.360
none of us like say anything and just keep going.
00:18:58.180
then the end of the night rolls around and we're given all that body
00:19:08.180
This motherfucker really looked at us and said,
00:19:38.640
My wife and I were getting this oversized bead bag,
00:19:42.700
but the catch is it's in the living room where Clint is saying,
00:19:55.320
And I don't give a shit that you're going to go to sleep.
00:20:17.920
you have to stay up just to help me tell this story.
00:20:31.680
I don't have a fucking brick background behind me.
00:20:57.680
this just demonstrates that like I am real all the time.
00:21:11.560
Does it matter if they sleep on the beanbag here or five feet there behind that door?
00:21:27.800
I was prepared to sleep on the beanbag because you know,
00:21:32.060
the old factory dude brain kicked in and I was like,
00:21:42.060
As I'm doing that panic sweeps over the wives and they start fucking freaking out.
00:21:53.500
My fucking ringer's on silent and I'm just dragging,
00:22:08.180
you're not elite enough to move a 300 pound beanbag.
00:22:11.920
If he can't handle moving the beanbag on his own,
00:22:15.700
I was going to handle his bitch being a little cunty with that big old dick of his.
00:22:19.440
I don't know what's the point of having a big old dick.
00:22:31.900
but we have other people that we have to make accommodations for.
00:22:38.060
I don't think about making accommodations for others,
00:23:04.220
I only played for like three minutes before you guys were like,
00:23:24.500
If you had a fucking the Oculus and you didn't let me get a run on fucking
00:24:00.960
Cause he's just would get drunk and just drop them.
00:24:11.620
My brother drank kratom out of them consistently.
00:24:24.040
There is a permanent brown kratom stain in every single one of them.
00:24:29.820
I could have dragged my fingernail in that mug.
00:24:33.880
I could have dragged my fingernail in that mug and,
00:24:37.000
and relinquished enough kratom to do kratom off of one mug.
00:25:02.580
that sounds like some Mexican shit that I'm not even familiar to.
00:26:27.760
There's also something ironic about drinking alcohol out of a coffee mug.
00:26:41.100
these people are accustomed to not living this nicely,
00:27:20.320
make sure you pick up the best stainless steel razor in the game.
00:27:25.240
because you will not cut yourself from the dough.
00:27:40.680
he would go out in the living room periodically,
00:28:55.820
You have to fucking bring your own pillows and cups.
00:31:38.560
It was his last attempt to clean the Kratom cups.
00:49:13.100
he was very cordial with this fucking smoke show.
00:49:33.400
but if you get to a point where you're doing this and you could possibly do it for a living,
00:49:46.980
Or go work at Publix and then figure that out that that sucks.
00:49:49.920
Cause it's probably been a long time since you've done that.
00:50:08.780
Like if you get to the mountaintop and you aren't happy,
00:50:12.560
if you get to the mountaintop and you aren't happy,
00:50:17.480
And if you're doing something you don't love and you're at the top of the mountain,
00:50:23.400
they get to the top of the mountain and they just see another mountain and they go,
00:50:31.380
I got to the top of the mortgage game and I was like,
00:50:46.360
if you have the work ethic and the wherewithal and the intelligence and the whatever to get
00:50:55.700
now I'm talking like fucking like inspirational shit.
00:51:06.020
If you get to the top of the mountain and you're unhappy,
00:51:29.360
I went in having questions about Clint and I came out having way more questions.
00:51:37.200
But I feel like he answered these questions about himself.
00:51:45.860
I would have been studying Clint all night the rest of the night.
00:51:52.940
Cause I'm sleeping the fuck in and y'all are going to wake up at crack a nine or
00:52:17.900
dozens of people over and we would be having the time,
00:52:29.480
When you get to the top of the mountain and you're,
00:52:36.480
I got dozens of people over half of them drive home drunk.
00:52:48.440
I got guest bedrooms and shit all over the place.
00:52:55.940
And I would tell every single person that I said,
00:53:01.440
I would have girlfriends that would spend the night in my bed.
00:53:24.180
and I get woken up after four hours or some shit,
00:54:50.680
I'm trying to marry into a lizard person family,
00:55:03.560
maybe you'll hear some snippets of like some cool shit
00:55:21.940
because you have some disagreements on where to over.
00:55:42.980
and go with something different than everybody.
00:55:47.320
We've all done something different than everybody.
00:55:59.640
you fuck MTG for the reasons that were just stated.
00:56:28.480
because then we can just do ukulele duets forever.
00:56:34.280
I agree with that she's got the Hello Kitty pussy.
00:56:41.960
I think of the little cat like this for some reason,
00:56:43.820
like her pussy looks like the little Hello Kitty thing.
00:56:49.940
She's just got that cut up into her fucking box.
00:57:11.740
she's been piping down that nigga that got kicked out.
00:57:29.660
that was like almost certainly what was happening.
00:58:18.760
And then we're going to be doing a fucking live show.
00:59:17.540
His closet probably literally is just the same outfit.
00:59:58.500
I'm just going to sleep on this entire bed of bacon.
01:00:02.080
This dude got cozy while hooked up to some fucking...
01:00:05.440
Given what we talked about in the early part of this episode,
01:00:07.680
I can't believe this is actually a question that's being asked here.
01:00:11.360
Conspiracy extremists, how many cups do you all have at your home?
01:00:27.260
We're actually four hours before our show, sir.
01:00:29.440
Well, the answer is you need two and fuck your guests.
01:00:32.340
I mean, to be honest, if I was still single, I totally would probably have like one to three
01:00:39.060
But with a woman, I'd just show up and I'm like, okay, whatever, cool.
01:00:46.140
I have like tons of cups, mugs, cups, everything.
01:00:49.700
But if I was single, it would be, I would have like a mug, like one of those big water
01:00:54.720
cups, like a Stanley, not a Stanley, but one of those things.
01:00:56.920
And then just a rack of just the plastic Red Solo cups.
01:01:02.520
Just that's all you, like you put anything in there, it works.
01:01:08.640
We have in my kitchen, we have a kitchen drawer just for black cups.
01:01:13.860
We keep the black cups and the white cups separated.
01:01:18.500
Wait, you have cups specifically for different races?
01:01:21.840
I'd have a coffee cup, like a water and other liquids cup, and I'd probably have like a piss
01:01:33.300
Yeah, the cups for other races is the hose outside.
01:01:35.620
Yeah, I'd be way more shameless about my piss cup, though, because I do, I have, it's
01:01:39.340
known, I've talked, it's been a long time to talk about this, I have pissed on podcasts.
01:01:42.460
I keep a cup within, I mean, I've gotten better bladder control the longer I have podcasts,
01:01:46.940
but if I was single, I would totally just have that in my, like, fucking, like, up, like,
01:01:51.500
with my other cups and just be like, that's my piss cup.
01:01:55.780
I am single and I have a ton of different, I have, I have.
01:01:58.560
I thought you were going to be like, I have a ton of piss cups.
01:02:02.840
I have great bladder control, never piss in a cup.
01:02:04.820
Someone goes over, no, no, no, no, not that cup, not that cup.
01:02:09.560
Unless it's a woman that you think is pretty into it, you're like, dang, I have a special
01:02:13.160
Tons of coffee mugs, tons of cups, and I have different alcohol glassware from when
01:02:18.800
Guys, the difference between Clint's home and his silverware and his cups could not be any
01:02:27.480
I know Toad has, like, matching gloves, and he's a single dude.
01:02:43.160
Yeah, and I have better, like, dishes and silverware and stuff than they do.
01:02:46.420
Here's the other thing is, I forgot about this, and Elizabeth brought this up to me
01:02:49.680
because for Christmas, she got me a Glencairn, and she got me a whiskey glass.
01:02:53.800
And I was like, you know Toad has, like, mad, like, glasses for every different type of
01:03:01.280
I bet you it's Steins, like, the nice, like, German one.
01:03:07.180
And she was like, oh, my gosh, it's Steins, but I have, like, everything else.
01:03:09.160
I was like, I got to blow your poor minds one more time.
01:03:15.300
My dad, my dad owns the penthouse at the Trump Tower.
01:03:37.160
But once you get through the second doors, there is a full fucking pond inside of the
01:03:50.340
It's like an infinite pool, but it's like inside.
01:04:19.600
I think Clint said something profound earlier with his ethos in life.
01:04:23.600
And I think if you juxtapose him against Toad, it displays perfectly what he's getting at.
01:04:33.360
He's fucking slaving away at some fucking gay ass job in Boston.
01:04:38.720
Has all the nice bitch shit that normal dudes don't get until they get married.
01:04:47.760
And Clint was like, you need to leave your fucking job right now.
01:04:56.740
It's more than enough, more than enough to quit your job and totally reorient your life.
01:05:11.420
It's not like Clint's amount, but it's enough to like.
01:05:13.360
It's enough that any girl watching this right now ought to be sliding in his DMs.
01:05:18.760
And it's enough that he could quit his job, sell his house, move to the place of his house.
01:05:24.100
He wouldn't even need a job for a good solid long time.
01:05:39.400
He literally drops it in the chat and he goes like, I totally underestimated my 401k by 10x.
01:05:45.840
Because when he said I underestimated my 401k by 10x, I was like, Jesus Christ.
01:05:50.720
It was 10 times more than what I thought it was.
01:06:00.380
I feel like his house alone is worth that much.
01:06:02.440
Well, he's probably like, I got this amount and then I got another 100k that's rolling on the books right now.
01:06:08.040
Well, you wanted net equity in the home though.
01:06:17.540
And your reasoning for why you want to is because like, well, that's how I've gotten this money.
01:06:21.920
And you're like, okay, but like, what's the point of life?
01:06:30.960
It's just baffling to me how good life's Clint is and how bad Toad's is when you're talking about these kind of metrics.
01:06:39.080
I'm like, how is, like, you'd have to try to fuck your life up with these kind of numbers.
01:06:43.940
Clint is the only one of you who's actually been here though.
01:07:00.060
Like, your life is good other than the fact that you hate it.
01:07:06.740
You remember that rant that Clint went on just, I don't know, 15 minutes ago?
01:07:15.940
Why do you think I take his lifestyle so personally?
01:07:19.100
I take his life personally because I'm like, I know what you got and I know what you could do.
01:07:44.380
If we told you that you wouldn't have to do this show and take up abuse with Luke, if
01:07:50.040
you did something with Toad and made it into content and then you blow up that way, would
01:07:56.320
No, because I actually enjoy what I'm doing with Luke.
01:08:05.220
This is Barstool and you're El Presidente and Toad is the thousands of interns he has
01:08:12.580
Bro, I'd be down to do that, but if I have to live with Toad, the answer is no.
01:08:24.380
I will replace your blood pillows with non-blood pillows and I will clean your Kratom mugs.
01:08:31.560
It needs to be like the movie with, what was it, Twins?
01:08:41.000
Toad, you've got to stop saying, yeah, it makes my fucking dick go inside my body every
01:09:15.640
My fat ass cousin who's also a cop in town and will be drinking and playing board games.
01:09:21.300
What kind of hints could I drop that would be funny while also subtly degrading to his
01:09:26.880
Say, if he's married, say, your wife is looking pretty good lately.
01:09:30.700
Doesn't look, uh, your wife is looking healthy.
01:09:35.300
It's dropping hints, not fucking dropping bombs, dude.
01:09:39.400
It's, your wife doesn't look beat up, like, you know, cops do to their wives.
01:09:43.480
Like, no, it's just, drop the hints like that or be like, uh, damn, these blacks.
01:09:53.500
You're looking, you're looking like you only had one donut this morning.
01:09:58.920
I'd take him to an animal shelter and be like, man, sometimes these, just want to pop a cap
01:10:06.540
Every now and then I just feel like killing a pig.
01:10:17.320
Every time I pick him up to go golfing, I play NWA, fuck the police.
01:10:20.980
Yes, that's, yeah, you should play a lot of, a lot of fuck the police music, any type of
01:10:26.280
Be quiet at breakfast room when he walks in and be like, do I smell bacon right now?
01:10:32.520
Like, are, are cops dicks when you hang out with them?
01:10:37.420
To be completely frank, I just probably wouldn't even bring it up because that just seems like
01:10:56.060
And then they get like that attitude, like that real, like, there is a cop attitude that
01:11:00.720
Dude, your, your firefighter cousin, who's like, obviously the, the lead actor from The
01:11:08.080
He is so clearly mentally ill, but in the funnest way imaginable.
01:11:18.180
But like, I wonder if he's the same height because they're both little tiny men probably.
01:11:28.400
He's at my house recently and he gets up at like seven in the morning.
01:11:34.020
And he's already got like his, his fatigues on and like fucking camo.
01:11:40.700
And I was like, what do you mean clear the yard?
01:11:42.920
And he's like slings on a rifle and brings a trap.
01:11:48.740
Every time, every time we've been with him, he does shit.
01:11:51.340
Like he's just like, yeah, this morning I was out just like, yeah, I think he cleared
01:11:58.680
I was like an alligator and skinned it when there was like 50 people in my house in the
01:12:06.800
And he goes, and he goes, I, he opens up a cooler as I come down the stairs and he goes,
01:12:11.020
want to see the fucking gator I got this morning?
01:12:22.460
Dude, he, he walks like, like, like foot in front of foot and like, like the entire perimeter
01:12:27.920
And he's like looking, he's like, you know, you got some hog tracks back there.
01:12:33.840
I love, I just love the fact that there are men on earth like that.
01:12:37.600
I know it sounds gay to say that, but I'm just being honest.
01:12:39.300
I love that there are fucking men out there that are just, because I'm just not built like
01:12:45.600
I had multiple big ass properties that I, and I like, I wouldn't guys.
01:12:53.440
I had a bunch of fucking, I had, I had this one property in Escondido a couple.
01:12:57.220
Yo, I had this property in Escondido a couple acres.
01:13:07.580
This guy was like, he's not, it's not even his property.
01:13:13.480
Because I want to see if there's any prey that I can get mad pussy.
01:13:16.920
Or is he, is he like so focused on like killing hogs that he just doesn't even, like pussy
01:13:27.100
If he had a chick, I would fuck that dude for sure.
01:13:29.360
If you, if you met him, like the testosterone coming off of him would immediately, could impregnate
01:13:34.160
Well, he's just the type of dude that you know fucks right.
01:13:38.640
Actually, no, it's something different because I can't, I don't think that him and Jose can
01:14:03.880
This actually, this is my origin story of racism.
01:14:07.780
Let me fucking put a little bookmark right there.
01:14:16.900
He's walking up Mermaid, which is like a main vein Avenue of Coney Island.
01:14:27.160
Put him in the hospital with like, like really bad.
01:14:29.900
Like they were talking about like putting him into a coma or some shit.
01:14:33.880
And I was like, right away, I was like, mama, why would, why would the black people do this?
01:14:37.900
And then she was like, oh, you'll learn when you're older.
01:14:46.640
So his parents basically took them and they were like, they can't keep him here.
01:14:54.540
So we have Florida man with like, like Roseanne, like, you know, like mental damage and just
01:15:03.480
He learned to walk the land first when he was in New York City, though.
01:15:06.860
And he was like, I see black people tracks back here walking the land.
01:15:12.800
There's swishers on the ground and the Hennessy bottles.
01:15:15.940
He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, I hear a basketball in
01:15:35.740
Dude, they, he is like, it was crazy because he also is probably one of the highest people
01:15:41.760
He is constantly hitting a weed vape or just smoking weed in general.
01:15:45.940
And he's still like lightning focused on like fucking, it's crazy.
01:15:50.940
I would, I would hate to see him when he's sober because he must be just fucking, I don't
01:15:56.860
He was the one that was supposed to edit our first ever live podcast.
01:15:59.900
And he's never done anything with the footage in almost two years.
01:16:06.700
But when he does edit that, it's going to be the best edit you've ever seen.
01:16:10.840
But it's just like, for him to sit down in front of a computer and do this, like, he
01:16:15.060
probably like locks in and he'll be there fucking 12 hours.
01:16:18.520
If you don't understand, this is what he hasn't.
01:16:23.700
This is the type of guy for the chat and anybody watching this.
01:16:26.740
This is the type of guy that what you see doing the helicopter with the minigun shooting
01:16:42.860
I don't know why I'm turning this guy into some mythological creature.
01:16:50.140
He was like, he literally was just like, here it is.
01:16:52.080
And he's like, and like, here's the dogs that I, he had the dogs there that he was
01:17:05.680
He's got chickens and then kills the occasional whatever rolls by his yard.
01:17:13.600
I bet you he doesn't have any fucking cups in his house.
01:17:17.420
The only ones is the ones that he fashioned out of the tusk of a boar.
01:17:24.800
He drinks out of the skulls of his fallen foes.
01:17:27.420
He's got blood pillows, but it's all just full of the blood of his.
01:17:36.620
He actually reminds me of Jon Barenthal in that way, too.
01:17:38.900
Because if you've ever heard of his podcast, it's really fucking interesting.
01:17:41.500
If this dude did a podcast, it'd be fucking gold right away.
01:17:48.040
Better than Toph's other cousin that came on Neft to America fucking sucked.
01:17:52.840
If he starts a podcast, his podcast needs to be called Walk the Land.
01:17:58.480
The best podcasters on earth have never been heard from because they are just walking the land.
01:18:05.200
You guys don't want to hear about my hot cousin.
01:18:09.780
Meanwhile, so this guy, when he's at Toph's house, he walks the land.
01:18:14.760
Meanwhile, I go out and get on the trampoline and jump in the morning.
01:18:19.920
So at the same time, I'm jumping on a trampoline at 8 o'clock in the morning.
01:18:23.560
He's finishing up his walk looking for alligators.
01:18:28.500
Because he's the other specimen of man that I can't relate to that is just pure joy, 24-7.
01:18:37.420
And just literally, as a 30-something-year-old dude, or 24, whatever the fuck you are, he will see a trampoline.
01:18:44.660
And he'll just go, he'll just go, just jump for an hour by himself.
01:19:05.420
Yeah, there's two totally different aspects of autism.
01:19:16.540
It's like the political compass, but it's for autism.
01:19:22.320
There's like, we need to have an autism compass, and then put us on it, because that would be perfect.
01:19:31.360
Well, it's like horseshoe theory, but it might be like trains, guns, uh...
01:19:37.780
It might go in like different ways, though, because...
01:19:59.140
It's either like trains or guns, pussy, no pussy, and dinosaurs.
01:20:12.040
So, behind the scenes chat, we don't have a producer right now.
01:20:18.600
I don't know if he's there or if he isn't there.
01:20:33.300
Honestly, honestly, I would not be surprised if she does shit like this, and you'd love it.
01:20:54.400
Yo, yo, he opened his mouth and just let her rip right in his mouth.
01:20:59.760
Like, isn't this like the definition of pink eye?
01:21:05.640
What's remarkable about it is how much gas this bitch has.
01:21:16.600
She's like, I'm getting another one out of there.
01:21:26.500
I want to know how many times this bitch is shit in her husband's mouth.
01:21:35.960
Like, it's like, if you're fucking your queef and you have to put a mental block of
01:21:43.020
Whenever you're doing doggy style, you pull out and she starts like...
01:21:49.560
As long as your dick is what forced the air in there, then it's totally endearing.
01:21:54.020
If she's just walking around queefing, you gotta divorce her immediately.
01:21:59.020
Yeah, if it's more than like a once in a very long while.
01:22:02.340
I don't want to hear your comment on this, Toad.
01:22:09.040
Dude, I'm not going to have some chick who's just out there queefing everywhere.
01:22:13.460
I don't even think you understand the concept of queefing completely, to be honest with you.
01:22:29.740
When you've taken too much dick in a short period of time.
01:22:35.500
No, but honestly, Simon, that's the true answer.
01:22:37.740
When you take too much dick in a short period of time, that's not even the answer.
01:22:41.200
Yeah, I mean, it's more about like just forcing the air in there.
01:22:46.460
Wouldn't you've created like a vacuum in the vagina?
01:22:57.620
No, I mean, your air is being sourced in there.
01:23:01.580
If there's air in there, that means it's not a vacuum.
01:23:05.280
I like this because it feels like an inquisition.
01:23:07.620
Like, tell us what a queef is, you fucking homo.
01:23:15.740
I'm trying to think of what answer would make you laugh the most.
01:23:23.920
Whatever answer you say will make us laugh because if it's true, who is...
01:23:33.740
Dude, I was concerned that Josie wasn't here tonight.
01:23:43.980
I can see just a dude just liking to be close to their girl's ass.
01:23:53.660
But I think once it starts farting, you have to be...
01:23:58.580
When you see the video and don't realize what's going on, you're like...
01:24:03.480
And then you hear the fart and you're like, what the fuck?
01:24:05.460
And obviously, she is clothed because usually they do this naked.
01:24:15.580
I would rather a girl shit on my chest than fart in my face.
01:24:26.480
For a second time, even I thought through the logistics of someone shitting in her chest
01:24:34.660
I've lived with three girls, two for five years and one for two years.
01:24:41.080
And only one of them did I ever hear fart, ever.
01:24:46.000
The other two that I lived with for a total of seven years combined, never heard a fart.
01:24:56.700
I mean, there's been times where I'm like, I swear you farted.
01:24:59.140
But she will convince her and I'll be like, what do you know?
01:25:04.060
But it'll be like where I'm on the other side of the house and I'll be like, I hear a noise
01:25:09.580
I'm just saying I would rather a shit on the chest than a fart in the face.
01:25:12.960
Who knew that fucking retard-ass JC that says hi to everybody would actually be funny.
01:25:24.300
Because I know after a woman farts, then there's like a butthole stinks.
01:25:31.740
Because it's not just a fart that he's smelling.
01:25:40.580
Honestly, you know how Cole was saying I'd rather have her shit on my chest than fart in
01:25:44.740
The answer to either is immediate, immediate divorce filing.
01:25:49.600
If I hear you fart, if you shit on me, if you fart in my face.
01:25:53.540
If I know that you have bowel movements, it's over.
01:25:56.880
This is just rich people shit what he's talking about.
01:26:04.060
It's because rich people, they hear their wife fart and they're like, fuck it.
01:26:10.220
If my wife was flagrantly farting, I'd be upset.
01:26:12.880
But honestly, I'm more irritated at this point that I've never heard her fart.
01:26:18.200
How are you not comfortable enough to me to just accidentally fart?
01:26:28.120
You don't ever want your wife to be so comfortable that she farts around you.
01:26:36.520
I mean, you probably beat the fuck out of her though, right?
01:26:44.720
But you ball up a fist and you go, what, bitch?
01:26:46.500
I mean, a few times I'd be like, you know I could fuck you up, right?
01:26:52.180
If she fears you too much, she gets gas and then fear farts?
01:26:57.420
Well, you better be courageous, bitch, because otherwise we're getting divorced.
01:27:06.280
And honestly, though, does this guy just get off from the farts?
01:27:21.940
It's miraculous that you can find two people with such a sick fucking fetish and they somehow find each other.
01:27:32.980
If I were to ask that, she'd be like, nigga, are you out of your fucking mind?
01:27:36.760
I'm absolutely not going to fart in your face a dozen times in 30 seconds.
01:27:40.920
And we're going to record it and put it on the internet.
01:27:51.160
The next level of rich is that rich of where you go like, I have a fetish.
01:28:03.540
The reason all those Wall Street CEOs and shit, they all get their fucking…
01:28:11.820
But the reason those Wall Street CEOs are getting their balls stomped on by dominatrixes and shit is because they are miserable.
01:28:21.620
It's the only thing that makes them feel alive is to get their fucking nuts kicked in by some dominatrix bitch.
01:28:27.380
It's because they spend most of their life being the dominant ones, so then they need to be the sub at some point.
01:28:33.360
Well, that's the rationale, but it's also because they're miserable.
01:28:43.980
Like, I'm trying to figure out, like, is it something about the sustenance that, like…
01:28:51.960
Dude, I saw a Reddit thread today about a guy…
01:28:59.960
But she had started just massaging her breast for, like, 15 minutes a day, and she started lactating because of it.
01:29:12.060
At one point, she was like, I have all this milk, but I don't…
01:29:14.580
I just throw it away because I just use it to get my tits bigger.
01:29:17.880
I just heard that if you, like, massage your breasts, your tits get bigger.
01:29:22.480
She was, like, joking around one time, like, he was drunk, and she was like, you should try it.
01:29:27.060
And from then on, like, she just gave him her milk.
01:29:33.260
And he's like, I've just been drinking that shit all the time.
01:29:40.660
It was just, like, a guy on Reddit just talking about…
01:29:43.180
I bet that shit's, like, the ultimate creatine.
01:29:50.820
He tried to get that joke in, got cut off by Clinton.
01:29:56.280
Yo, that's so much better than the stutter, though.
01:30:02.200
And he's like, all right, they're going to let me go now.
01:30:03.820
Yo, Tote, have you ever subscribed to breasts…
01:30:09.420
Because I was watching a documentary of people that do that,
01:30:12.220
and it's never the people that you think would be doing it,
01:30:24.540
Oh, it needs to be connected to the titty, you're saying.
01:30:28.620
Do you know where the breast milk comes from on the titty?
01:30:34.720
Do you know where the fucking breast milk comes from?
01:30:52.640
It comes out like your dick when you have, like, dried cum in.
01:30:57.160
It just kind of pools out if you just kind of, like, let it…
01:31:02.760
It looks like sweat dripping from your forehead,
01:31:09.360
Because it's not coming out of, like, one singular point.
01:31:15.580
its liquids coming through multiple, like, holes.
01:31:17.400
It's kind of like a sprinkler where it just sprays
01:31:23.420
It's not like that because it does spray out of the nipple.
01:31:25.700
You can get it to shoot, but around the nipple,
01:31:31.200
Dude, I'm just pissed, man, because milk porn tube now is, like,
01:31:42.940
He is the only person in the world that has this issue.
01:32:07.660
No, and the ads are, like, all ads for this, like, virtual reality, like, porn shit.
01:32:18.040
Do you guys hear about how there was, like, actual articles that were being written
01:32:24.260
and they were showing, like, tranny and gay porn to straight men,
01:32:38.440
Because, like, these dudes, they watch so much…
01:32:40.460
They're, like, such coomers that they get exhausted by regular porn.
01:32:44.920
So, the ads that they run on regular porn for, like, the five or ten seconds
01:32:48.680
before the porn video starts will be, like, a dude jerking off.
01:32:53.460
Because they're sitting there with their dick in their hand,
01:32:55.420
and they're, like, ready to go, and they're watching some dude jerk off,
01:32:58.360
and it fucks their brain up and makes them gay.
01:33:01.180
Which, by the way, if that happens, you're gay, nigga.
01:33:07.540
If I'm jerking off, and I just see a dude jerking off as well,
01:33:20.960
Like, you don't realize that it's a dude right away,
01:33:32.000
This is actually a good point to bring this up here,
01:33:36.500
And I kind of, like, asked in the chat a couple days ago.
01:34:16.560
I always say she because Lainey is a female name,
01:34:27.180
She was like, pfft, dude asked too much for me.
01:34:35.080
We have reached the Talking to Lainey portion of Tower Gang.
01:34:44.140
You need to have a graphic for talking to Lainey for sure.
01:34:48.100
Talking trannies is what he needs to be called.
01:34:51.280
It's like you realize you have a problem there.
01:34:56.820
By the way, Lainey said something so funny in a thread.
01:35:00.940
We were talking about autism, and he goes something to the effect of like, I still walk on the
01:35:06.260
balls of my feet because that's my variation of autism, and I was like, that makes perfect
01:35:11.740
This big jacked Asian dude who becomes like some, I don't know, femdom, whatever the
01:35:16.500
fuck he is, fucks a bunch of dudes, now walks around on the balls of her feet.
01:35:31.900
But doesn't it make perfect sense that the person who's putting together these incredible
01:35:35.000
edits for us walks around on the balls of her feet like tippy toes?
01:35:45.420
But like religiously, they'd be like, yes, Christ has healed you in your heart.
01:35:50.380
But your butthole is still loose from taking dick.
01:35:58.540
That's why I think Lainey is less gay now if you're just fucking the dudes.
01:36:07.200
No wonder you walk around on your tiptoes, huh?
01:36:12.700
Instinctually trying to get away from the dick.
01:36:18.460
I don't think if I ever was a bottom, I would never say I was.
01:36:26.020
Man, this dude's just walking around like you saw a dick.
01:36:31.640
It's so base to just be like some jacked Asian dude.
01:36:43.280
Like, just walking on your tiptoes was an autism thing.
01:36:45.440
And so I remember that, like, this family in my church, they had like eight kids, whatever.
01:36:53.420
And I thought their mom was teaching them that.
01:36:55.420
And so literally, like, a few months ago, I was talking to my mom about my son walking.
01:36:59.620
I was like, yeah, I'll just teach him to walk on his tiptoes.
01:37:03.160
Game of Thrones is that I walk on my tippy toes.
01:37:08.860
I walk on my tippy toes so much that my calves develop such that I no longer comfortably walk normally.
01:37:18.220
Like, to walk on the balls of your feet like that, it does, like...
01:37:32.800
Like, just, like, not even any kind of arch, just flat.
01:37:49.280
Well, like, my feet are completely fucked because, like, to try to, like, get my step count
01:37:55.680
Like, Top, you saw what I was doing at your house that time.
01:38:01.960
The entire chat is saying they walk on the tip.
01:38:09.520
And I have hardwood floors and I'm walking around.
01:38:12.480
I became, like, flat-footed because I'm like, fuck, I have to, like...
01:38:33.580
I still will look at the tiles on the floor and the lines in a parking lot.
01:38:40.420
And I have to step inside the tiles and walking...
01:38:50.420
It's not like walking in a straight line on the tiles.
01:38:58.800
So Clint has the autism where he can't understand, like, read the room.
01:39:03.520
Do you have any of these other kind of things, Clint?
01:39:25.120
I remember when my mom and my stepdad got divorced, I was very...
01:39:30.020
I had an issue with, like, stepping on cracks when I would walk.
01:39:37.720
Yeah, like, I was very concerned because I convinced myself...
01:39:41.420
Like, basically, when you feel out of control, you try to take control with some OCD shit.
01:39:45.240
So you're like, I can control this, so this will make me feel better.
01:40:03.820
And I've told this before where I still do the laser eyes.
01:40:06.360
I don't know if anybody else in the chat does laser eyes when they're driving.
01:40:10.020
Please tell people real quick what that is because I'm sure some of our audiences know.
01:40:14.380
Whenever I'm driving or in a passenger seat of a car, I will look out.
01:40:23.660
And I'm just thinking of lasers coming out of my eyes and cutting everything I see.
01:40:40.140
Cole's got some goofy-ass harmless demons in him.
01:40:54.560
So like those intrusive thoughts are literally demons.
01:40:57.440
And your demons are just goofing around with you, man.
01:41:26.940
Cole's demon would be like, yo, this crying bitch is going to blow you.
01:41:39.400
Cole's demon would be like, yeah, that red-headed baby is totally yours.
01:41:42.900
Cole's demon would be like, yeah, give those dogs fucking antifreeze.
01:41:51.420
Cole's demon would be like, those dogs look thirsty.
01:41:56.540
I think the demons are just misunderstood at this point now.
01:42:00.360
And Cole's demon would be like, yo, you got something.
01:42:01.920
Does anybody else, at least in the chat, have the laser eyes thing?
01:42:04.940
Because I have seen it else on the internet of people talking about this.
01:42:06.780
What I've realized about our chat is they just lie.
01:42:17.400
Cole's demon would be like, yeah, shove that razor handle.
01:42:20.140
Cole's demon would be like, donate that plasma and blow it on Taco Bell.
01:42:34.940
Cole's demon would be like, sure, Toad's joking off in the corner, but you still got to finish.
01:42:46.620
So he said, does it only catch the natural things off the road?
01:43:05.900
It's not, I don't do this like walking around thinking about, oh, just fucking.
01:43:09.640
Because I think of just driving along and just like.
01:43:12.060
You know how Rogan talks a bit about the DMT realm and how some of the elves will be like,
01:43:16.260
they'll play tricks and they'll be playful and shit.
01:43:18.000
Like, I think you're like, that's what you're dealing with.
01:43:20.400
You have the playful machine elves that are fucking with you.
01:43:33.740
Because I think of them, I imagine like, you know, like when you hit a light pole in
01:43:37.760
like a GTA game and it just like fucking goes like boink and it just like falls down.
01:43:42.240
I think like cutting it and it just goes and it's like falls and it just falls down funnily.
01:43:51.240
I think of just like just cutting the tires off of cars.
01:43:58.400
If I'm in the, like, if I pick this up from the airport, that's what I was thinking about.
01:44:04.760
Imagine screaming children in the carnage that ensues.
01:44:08.560
Elizabeth, my son will be screaming like bloody murder in the car and I'm just like.
01:44:34.900
Laney's inner monologue must be fucking lit, yo.
01:44:38.240
To make those kind of videos, what are your demons telling you, Laney?
01:44:45.400
Like you saw the dude that had the sword arms and you were like, that's fucking cool.
01:45:00.340
I'd love to unblock him, but I don't have the back door.
01:45:03.520
It's a goddamn miracle that we got this show started.
01:45:06.880
I mean, I think our producers here, can we pull this graphic up?
01:45:14.300
That's literally what black people think about, whatever their inner thoughts.
01:45:27.720
No, he's going to talk to us and tell us what it is.
01:45:30.820
I just think this is the audience's intent to have Toad kill himself, the demise of the show.
01:45:44.800
And it's really taken a drastic move since December.
01:45:52.760
And so the things at the top, you can see the plays and the audience size.
01:46:01.600
I think what happened is you're getting people that are listening to the shows.
01:46:04.580
And unless they go back and download a bunch of shows and old ones, that's where the listener,
01:46:20.620
I was looking at the chat on both Rumble and YouTube, and it's higher than normal.
01:46:25.680
We've had one fewer episode in December so far.
01:46:28.520
You've got to wait until you get a couple months further out and people go back and listen
01:46:37.900
What has changed us since the start of December?
01:46:51.560
I think it's when they heard you say yeah last week, and they're like, I'm done.
01:46:59.060
That is disturbing that our fucking numbers plummet in December.
01:47:03.720
I thought this was a YouTube thing, and I thought it was like, because we started taking
01:47:06.460
off the YouTube videos like almost immediately after.
01:47:11.140
Why would we only look at our numbers on Spotify?
01:47:15.000
This is not a way to conglomerate all the numbers from all the different platforms that
01:47:20.700
Now when I say yeah, even though it's like appropriate, it still rubs me the wrong way.
01:47:28.720
But I do think it's because we're in the middle of this month.
01:47:37.600
Honestly, it's probably because they haven't tracked all of December.
01:47:47.440
It says, everybody is drunk and hungover, retards.
01:48:03.520
I think maybe he was shaming me because I said that my hangovers are particularly vicious
01:48:11.020
Oh, if I do have dreams about being demon-possessed, is that a concern?
01:48:16.360
Well, we already know that you have those dreams, and they are concerning.
01:48:22.020
I got drunk whenever I was up in Nashville with Elizabeth on her, and I got drunk, and
01:48:28.140
Is it always an audience member that watches our show that is pissing on your clothes?
01:48:39.040
Because it was like, the thing of like, it was like, whoosh!
01:48:49.800
And I was just like, well, that was fucking weird.
01:48:56.720
Well, if you woke up, how can you know that it was in the dream?
01:49:18.720
Maybe I was thinking like scary shit before I went to bed or something.
01:49:23.680
Dude, do you think that Cole's demon was what possessed Toad to breastfeed and then piss on the floor?
01:49:32.900
That was even more impressive, but you definitely didn't feed.
01:49:39.800
Can we do Butthole Song and Chinese Washer, please?
01:49:43.080
I'm going to be like, I'm going to message you later, Toad.
01:49:48.280
No, the thought has crossed my mind that something is really awry with Cole.
01:49:53.960
He leads like a crazy life, don't you think so?
01:49:59.020
He's enjoying it, and that's really what's important.
01:50:05.420
I mean, it's like, I wouldn't even want to interfere with it.
01:50:08.920
Whatever this demon that's in you is doing, he's doing well.
01:50:37.700
When my roommate comes into the room looking for his car keys...
01:50:46.220
And when he gets me off the couch to check underneath the couch cushions...
01:50:53.980
And then when he says out loud, I wonder where my car keys are.
01:51:02.000
But then he asks me, do you know where my car keys are?
01:51:14.840
I have not seen your keys, but since you're asking me...
01:51:19.920
But because I'm not serious, I don't think it happens at your big brown business.
01:51:23.860
But a funny thing to say to someone who's lost their shit and is stressed out visibly.
01:51:27.520
When I see the best man start to sweat, I don't say it yet.
01:51:36.200
When I see that little ring-bearer cut getting yelled at by his mum...
01:51:42.780
When I see the groom asking the vicar if they can wait just another fifteen minutes...
01:51:51.700
And when the father of the bride starts organising an ad-hoc emu bob of the courtyard area...
01:51:59.460
It's the eleventh hour with three hundred congregants under God's roof.
01:52:03.500
The vicar approaches the mic and suddenly all of the chatter goes mute.
01:52:07.480
He says that they've misplaced the rings, could anyone possibly know where they are?
01:52:11.400
I know it's my time, and all heads turn as I stand and say vicar!
01:52:21.160
I have not seen your ring, but have you checked your ring?
01:52:24.420
My ring on me, butthole, love is patient, love is kind.
01:52:27.240
But if you ask me where you can find literally anything you've lost before.
01:52:31.400
I'm gonna check out the status of your butthole.
01:52:37.400
Funny thing is that's totally what I tell my kid every time they lose some shit or lose or something.
01:53:20.400
I don't know what that ad is for exactly, but I think these Asian people are on to something.
01:53:47.280
It's not for anything. It's more against the black people.
01:53:50.380
So I watched, I actually watched the violence. You get like a smaller dick in return, but you get rid of the violence.
01:53:56.740
I actually watched a video on this and this is like a thing. And this is why I sent you a video. It's from Ghost Gum, but it was breaking down this type of thing. China does this all the time.
01:54:07.440
I like the accusatory nature of I sent you guys a video.
01:54:09.880
I did. I did send you all a video, but it was breaking. And I said that we need to shill and sell out to China and make big bucks because they take anybody, dude.
01:54:19.160
They just want, they want people in their media that speak English and you don't have to speak even good English.
01:54:25.720
They just want like anybody like white-ish, black or whatever to get in their media.
01:54:31.500
I speak English and not good English, but I speak it.
01:54:35.480
But like, and dude, they make millions of dollars from that. They get paid directly.
01:54:43.060
I think they make content, but we would have to do Tower Gang that also praises the government of China.
01:54:52.120
It's just a statue of Xi Jinping and then the corner there is like, yeah, he's the homie.
01:54:57.720
Dude, they, they, it is crazy how like there's a guy that actually, I can't remember what they called him.
01:55:02.400
Oh, they called him, um, white monkeys is what they call him.
01:55:13.360
And they, uh, feeling like a white monkey for many years.
01:55:18.660
And so like, there's like multiple people that have already like, that were huge on YouTube, like on like early YouTube that got paid by the CCP, moved over, do all their content in Chinese now.
01:55:28.060
And then they're just like, this guy, like he was like, he had like 3 million followers, does all Chinese, came back like two, three, four years later and was like, Hey guys, I've been doing.
01:55:40.960
I think you can speak English, but they do also want, uh, Chinese.
01:55:46.300
This is like, this is exactly what John Cena is.
01:55:48.400
Because they do, they've done it with a lot of actors and stuff.
01:55:51.040
They, because they want to bring the like media from the U S to China.
01:55:55.340
But I feel like we're not famous enough that they'd want to sign us.
01:56:01.520
But if we get to get on their radar, I think corporate communism is the way to go.
01:56:19.020
Oh, honestly, honestly, Clint, I bet you could get, uh, Luke to go down with this and, and,
01:56:23.840
and you could really make a lot of money with the greatest political show.
01:56:26.860
Uh, I'm not going to, I'm not going to go talk politics and praise the CCP.
01:56:31.160
If I do tower gang, I can, I can praise the CCP in tower gang mode.
01:56:37.040
I bet, I bet, I bet Beijing is comfy this time of year.
01:56:46.500
The money means nothing to me, but you said comfy.
01:56:48.780
You ever fucked a, you ever fucked a Chinese bitch?
01:56:51.260
You ever fucked a Chinese bitch that was, uh, given to you by the Chinese, uh, communist
01:56:54.820
I mean, I've been with Asians, but like, Joey bag of donuts, he paid, uh, he pays one dollar
01:57:15.300
If you want, if you want to see the video, it actually was pretty cool because he, the
01:57:18.060
guy just broke down like all, it was literally like, there's a ton of like actors, influencers,
01:57:23.200
all these people just going to China and being like being little white monkeys is what they
01:57:35.240
We're in the phase of the show where we've stopped talking to Laney and we're bringing
01:57:42.940
He's like, fuck, I don't know what he's talking about.
01:57:45.140
If I don't bring this up in a timely manner, are you going to fire me?
01:58:18.620
This is like some, this is some, that's some boomer shit.
01:58:29.200
I saw it a couple hours ago, and I was like, I smirked, and I was like, that's good enough.
01:58:35.840
You guys give me shit for being the arbiter of funny?
01:58:44.720
I'm betting 900, and you're fucking below the Mendoza line.
01:58:50.560
Clint carried this entire episode with his autism today.
01:59:00.380
I'm pretty sure it's a sign of autism, but okay.
01:59:02.360
Well, if it is, then I'm autistic as fuck, because I definitely don't notice art on walls.
01:59:10.140
No, but I think it's a good time to wrap it up, guys.
01:59:30.420
Three weeks from now, LP Georgia roll out for real.
01:59:34.860
Toad, like, even though Tower Gang is going live, and that's going to be fun as fuck,
01:59:38.300
the real, like, the moment of moments is going to be Toad debating to be the president of the United States.
01:59:46.280
And guys, we also have some really cool news that we can't really talk about yet, but it might be even cooler than that.
02:00:02.700
This might be the gayest music we've got going, but the Georgia LP event, remember, 26, January 26th to 28th.
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We're not going to go over the biggest episodes.
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Tower Gang Toad, remember him, on Better Off Dead.
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Tower Gang Jose, no way Jose, just went on with Pete Quinones.
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This is the, remember, the full circle thing, the horseshoe theory.
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Remember, that was, he saved Pete's marriage, his current one.
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You might want to look into that with some lore.
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He's also killing it with the yeaky stuff there.
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His latest one about Vivek, just killing it over on YouTube.
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And, of course, he's also got the best political show.
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You've got Cheech and Chong's two sons out here, David and Toplop.
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Toplop, so they went on, they killed it out there, 174,000 views.
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Don't forget Top's merch on, what is it, toplopster.com and his merch engine.
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They were called Tower Power Hour back in the day.
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There was Drew Hancock, Slurp Gang, Not A Podcast.
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Other than that, have a great New Year's because we won't see you until, what, 2024 now?
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Tower Gang, Tower Gang, Tower Gang, Tower Gang.
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Tower Gang, Tower Gang, Tower Gang, Tower Gang.
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Tower Gang, Tower Gang, Tower Gang, Tower Gang.
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Tower Gang, Tower Gang, Tower Gang, Tower Gang.
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It's so fucking hard to line up the syllables and all that.
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Tower Gang, Tower Gang, Tower Gang, Tower Gang, Tower Gang.