Tower Gang - Ep 17 - Shitting a Boner w⧸ Tettsui & Sam

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00:01:05.540 Hashtag Make-A-Play.

00:01:08.360 We're live.

00:01:10.060 Hey, what's up, guys?

00:01:11.220 Welcome back to Tower Power Hour, episode 17.

00:01:14.900 Back here with Toad once again.

00:01:17.600 I'm in the new house.

00:01:18.640 It's looking good.

00:01:19.260 Toad, how you doing?

00:01:20.620 I'm doing all right.

00:01:21.840 How are you?

00:01:22.900 Doing pretty good, man.

00:01:24.460 We got a couple shit posters from Twitter on here.

00:01:27.320 Like, honestly, always we do.

00:01:29.080 So, we got Sam.

00:01:30.300 How you doing, Sam?

00:01:31.840 I'm all right.

00:01:33.980 That's about it.

00:01:35.120 That's good.

00:01:36.940 And we got Tet.

00:01:38.000 How you doing, Tet?

00:01:39.480 I'm good.

00:01:40.300 I'm baked as fuck, slamming Bud Lights.

00:01:43.180 Hell yeah.

00:01:44.680 Man, we were looking forward to this ever since I saw Tet was just like,

00:01:48.240 who wants to have me on a podcast?

00:01:49.520 And I was like, I'm going to get in those DMs and fucking get Tet on as soon as possible.

00:01:55.240 Obviously, that was going to happen.

00:01:56.600 You know, a podcast that basically just spawned off of shitposting.

00:02:00.700 Basically, we were going to have you on at some point.

00:02:05.280 We like to think, like, we're like the shitposting equivalent of a podcast,

00:02:09.360 even though, like, Slurp Gang and not a podcast do that also.

00:02:12.080 But, and also, we just lost a poll on, we're losing a poll that we're the least funniest

00:02:17.940 out of those three.

00:02:18.820 But, hey, we'll try to make it up and do something better here soon.

00:02:22.840 It's just because people can't touch us after the Jeremy Kaufman episode.

00:02:26.680 That's true.

00:02:29.300 Can't be associated with us, man.

00:02:31.020 Guilt by association.

00:02:32.820 I'm telling you, like I said, like, we're going to have, like, the worst people on.

00:02:36.100 We're going to have on Jeremy Kaufman after he tells a kid to suck his dick.

00:02:38.900 We're going to have on Thaddeus Russell after he tells a kid to fuck some, I don't know.

00:02:43.160 Wait, are you really going to have him on?

00:02:45.180 I would love to have Thaddeus on.

00:02:46.300 I think it would be hilarious.

00:02:48.480 And then the tweet today was that, hey, let's have on Bill Cosby to talk about.

00:02:53.520 Oh, fuck yeah.

00:02:56.560 Yeah, get Bill Cosby on.

00:02:57.880 That's a good idea.

00:02:58.960 We'll get his dating advice.

00:03:00.580 We'll get him on with Rallo Tomasi on the same episode and see where they agree and disagree

00:03:05.780 on dating advice.

00:03:06.980 Yeah, do you think Bill Cosby is, like, red-pilled or blue-pilled?

00:03:11.360 He's, uh, whatever color, um, rookie star-pilled.

00:03:14.120 That's what I was about to say.

00:03:16.080 Probably white-pilled.

00:03:17.200 I was like, yeah, somebody fucking get what I'm talking about.

00:03:19.960 Thank you, Sam.

00:03:21.280 He probably crushes it up, whatever pill it is.

00:03:23.460 I was going to say, what color are our roofies?

00:03:26.440 But that would be what color pill his victims are.

00:03:28.500 Take the blue-chew pill.

00:03:35.080 Nick Ashley says I don't sound like he imagined.

00:03:39.180 Whatever, Nick.

00:03:40.140 Uh, you're Turkish.

00:03:44.260 Nick, you're black and Turkish.

00:03:45.800 Get out of here.

00:03:48.700 Well, I mean, I was under the impression that Tet was Asian.

00:03:51.380 Is that not true?

00:03:51.980 Wait, what?

00:03:54.900 There's a fucking picture of a white guy.

00:03:57.440 Like, I changed it now.

00:03:58.600 Whatever.

00:03:59.020 Anyway.

00:04:00.100 I meant initially, at least.

00:04:02.000 Oh, okay.

00:04:02.400 Yeah.

00:04:03.300 But then you were like, no, my dick is definitely not that small, so.

00:04:08.760 Tet is trans-Asian, actually.

00:04:10.480 He's actually transitioning to Asian right now, so.

00:04:13.180 Yeah.

00:04:13.760 I mean, you can identify as whatever you want, so.

00:04:16.340 You just have to have the, uh, surgery to, uh, reduce your penis size, so.

00:04:22.360 And your eye size, too.

00:04:25.040 The last individual and, uh, Clint Griffin were just talking about that in the chat.

00:04:30.320 It was about, like, yeah, I guess what surgery would have to happen to do that, and I think

00:04:35.060 it was, uh, Clint had basically said that all you need to do is get the, uh, penis reduction

00:04:39.300 and then your eyes would just start squinting when you see your penis.

00:04:42.280 You can get foreskin reconstruction surgery.

00:04:48.980 Oh, my God.

00:04:49.680 Part of the deal.

00:04:51.220 I mean, I might need that after being circumcised at three years old, so.

00:04:55.360 Is there, is there something like the Michael Jackson thing, but you can go yellow instead?

00:05:00.120 Is it, like.

00:05:01.120 What?

00:05:02.160 Instead of going, like, black to white, go white to yellow, you just, like, get fucking, uh,

00:05:06.600 what is that?

00:05:07.580 What is.

00:05:08.340 Michael Jackson was actually a trans-alien.

00:05:10.560 It's a common misconception.

00:05:13.120 Oh, my God.

00:05:14.940 I don't know, man.

00:05:15.900 Like, I don't know if it was plastic surgery or if he got, like, dyed white or something,

00:05:19.540 but then, I mean, it's probably possible to become yellow, I guess, because, like, uh,

00:05:24.240 if you're familiar with, uh, Sammy Sosa, I don't know if you saw him, like.

00:05:27.220 Oh, yeah.

00:05:27.920 Within the last, like, several years or something.

00:05:30.180 He's, like, orange.

00:05:32.060 Yeah.

00:05:32.300 Or something.

00:05:32.800 I don't know.

00:05:33.340 Like, I don't know if it was, yeah, just.

00:05:35.860 He was trying to be the fucking, uh, the gay pride flag, dude.

00:05:39.180 He literally went to everything.

00:05:40.140 He was, like, fucking pink, yellow, orange.

00:05:43.480 Dude, he was ahead of his time, man.

00:05:45.340 Even though he was in the MLB in, like, the 90s and 2000s or whatever, he predicted how

00:05:50.160 woke they would get.

00:05:51.920 I just want to say Michael Jackson had at least one thing in common.

00:05:56.660 What?

00:05:58.360 Like, kids, man.

00:06:00.000 Oh, jeez.

00:06:00.780 You cut out when you were saying that.

00:06:05.360 That's why we were all just, like, what is he talking about?

00:06:07.000 Oh, I thought you lost me.

00:06:08.180 Yeah.

00:06:08.400 Did you say Thaddeus Russell?

00:06:10.460 Yeah, Michael Jackson and Thaddeus Russell have one thing in common.

00:06:15.520 I thought we weren't doing this.

00:06:20.180 We'll do it with Thaddeus.

00:06:22.120 That's true.

00:06:22.680 We'll just get Thaddeus on.

00:06:25.680 Nobody wants to touch that now, anyway.

00:06:27.540 I guess we might have to.

00:06:30.060 You know, I'm probably going to catch shit for this, but, like, coming from his point

00:06:33.520 of view, it makes sense why he would say that.

00:06:36.780 So, I don't know why people are surprised.

00:06:39.140 So, I think he just says it just to be consistent.

00:06:41.680 I don't know.

00:06:42.140 I don't think he actually.

00:06:43.880 Oh, I thought you were going to say he says it to be contrarian, basically.

00:06:47.640 Oh.

00:06:48.880 Maybe.

00:06:49.760 Yeah, he wants to take the most aggressive, contrarian stance possible just to, I don't

00:06:54.500 know, stand out and get people.

00:06:56.560 Maybe, like, getting mad at Dave Smith for, like, not supporting wars.

00:07:00.540 It's like, you knew he's not going to, like, you just, you know this guy's philosophy is

00:07:04.720 that.

00:07:05.160 I mean, it's going to be, he doesn't believe, he doesn't believe in ethics.

00:07:09.800 He believes that values are subjective on person to person.

00:07:14.180 So, you're not, it's not like some dunk on him to be like, oh, you support raping kids.

00:07:17.860 It's like, no, I just, like, I don't believe in ethics at all.

00:07:20.420 So, fuck you.

00:07:21.040 Well, yeah, he's a post-modernist, right?

00:07:23.420 So, it's basically just, like, quick slippery slope into just immorality, I guess, or not

00:07:29.960 having a moral code.

00:07:31.220 Morality is, in fact, fake and gay.

00:07:33.580 That's true.

00:07:34.920 For the record.

00:07:37.060 Just saying.

00:07:39.140 Hey, we follow the NAP here, man.

00:07:41.120 Morality is not real.

00:07:45.840 Like, I will shoot a pedo, but it's not because of objective morality.

00:07:51.820 It's just because we, because I just really hate pedos.

00:07:54.400 Because I think it sucks, yeah.

00:07:56.400 Because I'm trying to eliminate the competition.

00:07:59.340 Oh.

00:08:00.460 You don't know.

00:08:01.100 Oh.

00:08:04.440 I thought at least he was going to take the, like, serial killer vigilante route or something,

00:08:08.600 like, Dexter, where it's like, yes, I have the urge to kill, but I'll just channel it

00:08:12.540 into, you know, killing people who kind of deserve it.

00:08:15.820 Yeah.

00:08:16.240 Wait, you think you only fuck kids that deserve it?

00:08:18.900 What?

00:08:20.320 No, I was talking about killing pedos.

00:08:22.240 What the fuck is wrong with you?

00:08:23.540 But you were talking about killing pedos.

00:08:24.760 Yeah, I'm complete.

00:08:25.980 I don't think there's anything, like, morally wrong with the serial killer who kills pedos

00:08:30.840 to fight his urges.

00:08:32.560 Yeah, it's like, you know, you're Dexter, and you go around, and, you know, you put up

00:08:36.060 all the, you know, like, tarps all over the room where you're going to kill the guy, but

00:08:38.880 instead of, like, knifing the guy, you use a wood chipper.

00:08:42.960 You just carry that around everywhere.

00:08:45.020 I mean, the worst part about Dexter was that he was a cop.

00:08:47.160 I mean, that was basically.

00:08:49.720 That's true.

00:08:51.200 Working for the police department, all right?

00:08:55.380 ACAB includes Dexter.

00:08:59.180 And Robocop.

00:09:02.840 Robocop was really bad.

00:09:04.380 I mean, he literally just murdered people straight up on the streets.

00:09:08.280 And hilariously, the guy who played Robocop was in Dexter.

00:09:13.040 Whoa, wait, really?

00:09:13.920 Oh, I didn't know that.

00:09:14.800 Yeah, Peter Weller.

00:09:15.840 He was, I forget what his character's name was.

00:09:18.120 He was one of the, like, antagonists in one of the later seasons of Dexter, I think.

00:09:22.580 He was, like, an older dude who wore a Hawaiian shirt all the time, and he was, like, constantly,

00:09:27.060 like, almost finding out that Dexter is a killer.

00:09:30.100 And then I think maybe he did.

00:09:31.140 I don't know, I don't want to spoil shit, but it was, it was, it was once Dexter was

00:09:35.120 already bad, I think, so.

00:09:36.500 Yeah.

00:09:37.860 Told your autism.

00:09:38.660 I saw that show, like, seven years ago or something, so.

00:09:41.820 Wait, so he's not Tom Woods because he wears Hawaiian shirts?

00:09:46.880 Correct.

00:09:47.700 Yeah.

00:09:48.040 I was like, what if Tom Woods was, like, Dexter?

00:09:51.180 He literally was just killing, like, statists instead?

00:09:53.840 What about, what about a serial killer that just kills libertarians?

00:10:04.040 That's called the federal government.

00:10:08.560 They're like, hey, you want to work for us?

00:10:10.220 Like, you want to pay?

00:10:11.080 I didn't realize Tom Woods had, like, this weird, like, aversion to Hawaiian shirts, so

00:10:20.980 I wonder what he was thinking on, it was either Friday or Saturday at Porkfest, it was, like,

00:10:26.340 Boogaloo Day or something, and everybody was wearing Hawaiian shirts.

00:10:29.800 Tom probably had to, like, run out of the campground.

00:10:32.040 Yeah, he just stewed all that shit until his post.

00:10:34.740 Like, these motherfuckers.

00:10:36.240 Dude, he probably saw my shorts, my really short jean shorts, and he was probably like,

00:10:41.700 what the fuck is that guy wearing?

00:10:46.080 I mean, multiple mistakes.

00:10:48.800 I just kept seeing him in polo.

00:10:49.720 I thought he was just, like, flexing on all of us.

00:10:51.560 He just, every time I saw a picture of him, he was, like, wearing polo, like, Ralph Lauren

00:10:55.240 polo, and, like, he was just looking hot as hell.

00:10:57.940 Well, I'm Richard.

00:10:58.680 I thought he was wearing the polo just because he intentionally did it so you could see his

00:11:03.760 nipples through it.

00:11:04.800 That's right.

00:11:06.240 We're in the Ralph Lauren.

00:11:10.400 The Ralph Lauren.

00:11:14.280 Oh, my God.

00:11:15.500 By the way, Todd, how was Porkfest?

00:11:19.180 I know you had a fun time.

00:11:20.900 Sam was there, too.

00:11:21.780 What was it like?

00:11:22.600 I did, yeah.

00:11:23.360 I mean, I was there for pretty much the entire day, Wednesday through Friday, I was there.

00:11:29.680 And I pretty much agreed with what Reed Coverdale was saying about it, where it's, like,

00:11:33.300 you escape from this, like, Twitter hellhole, and you, like, meet a bunch of these people

00:11:37.600 who you know on Twitter in real life, and it's just completely different.

00:11:41.680 Like, holy shit.

00:11:42.560 Like, it's just way more human.

00:11:44.840 You know, like, people are not going to say shit that they say on Twitter in real life

00:11:47.680 because people will just, like, deck you and shit, basically.

00:11:50.400 But, obviously, everybody's just way more.

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00:12:05.720 Hashtag make a play.

00:12:07.120 Yeah, human, just down to hang out.

00:12:10.660 Like, you know, we were in the Mises tent for most of the thing, and I guess it was different

00:12:15.540 from other PorkFests.

00:12:16.660 This is the first PorkFest that I've been to, and it seemed to me like it was representative

00:12:20.780 of, like, the Mises takeover.

00:12:23.220 It was just kind of, like, everybody was just kind of in and out of the Mises tent, and that

00:12:26.740 was, like, the one place that was jumping the whole time.

00:12:29.440 It wasn't just, like, Mises caucus people.

00:12:32.180 Like, Karen Ann Harlos was there almost all the time.

00:12:35.120 Like, you know, she'd be, like, there, like, hanging out with Jeremy Kaufman, and, you

00:12:39.880 know, it was just shit like that.

00:12:41.020 I mean, it was just fun, basically.

00:12:43.540 You know, nobody really gave a shit.

00:12:45.740 It was more about just, like, yeah, we're all, like, libertarians here, you know, like,

00:12:50.500 real libertarians, and that's what it's about.

00:12:53.000 It looked like some real ranch rat shit to me.

00:12:55.420 Gonna be real.

00:12:56.960 Again, Top Lobster was the only non-white person there.

00:13:03.960 Well, it was him.

00:13:05.120 And Kevin Tyson.

00:13:05.720 Wait, was Nick there?

00:13:07.900 Nick was not there.

00:13:09.400 There was no Turkish representation.

00:13:12.640 Although Nick is actually Italian, and so am I, so we're both technically African.

00:13:18.040 So I was one of the black guys there.

00:13:22.420 And there was actually, so Kevin Tyson was one guy who was there, and I'd never heard of

00:13:29.140 him before.

00:13:29.460 And I still don't really know who he is, but he was scheduled to be in a debate about bigotry

00:13:35.400 in the libertarian movement against Archie Flower.

00:13:38.720 And Kevin Tyson is a black dude, and he was going to be arguing that it's okay to have bigoted

00:13:45.940 views in the movement, basically, so long as, yeah, so long as you're promoting, yeah,

00:13:52.660 libertarian views.

00:13:53.380 Oh, they're bigoted views.

00:13:54.100 So, yeah, so long as you're promoting liberty, essentially.

00:13:58.820 It just makes you gay.

00:14:00.280 Right.

00:14:02.380 And we're just witnessing, like, the, you know, as Reed calls them, the bitch fuck cocks or maybe the, you know,

00:14:08.020 the prags or the establishment shills or whatever.

00:14:10.460 They were almost, like, not represented as far as I could see at this particular pork fest.

00:14:14.860 And indicative of that was the fact that Archie never even showed up.

00:14:19.580 He was supposed to have this debate.

00:14:21.620 Like, a bunch of people wanted to see this debate.

00:14:23.760 Like, I was going to try to get a picture with Archie and just, you know, talk to him in real life and whatever.

00:14:28.200 I said I was going to kiss him on Twitter, which is probably why he didn't show up.

00:14:32.880 He had car trouble.

00:14:34.480 He probably called me.

00:14:35.260 Oh, is that what he said?

00:14:36.460 Yeah.

00:14:36.940 Oh, I have no idea.

00:14:37.700 Oh, my God.

00:14:38.400 There's no way that's true.

00:14:40.480 Yeah, no, there's no way.

00:14:41.300 I doubt that it's true.

00:14:42.840 And then it was a Soho Forum debate because, like, all the debates there were run as, like, Soho Forum debates and Gene Epstein was running all of them.

00:14:50.140 And then this one, Archie didn't show up and Gene had to announce that.

00:14:53.240 Everybody just started, like, booing.

00:14:55.760 And Gene was like, all right, come on now, come on.

00:14:57.940 And then what he did is he allowed Kevin to, like, make his statement, I guess, his opening and closing and, you know, make his side of the argument.

00:15:07.640 And then he had, like, the audience come up and have people who wanted to ask him questions or disagree with him.

00:15:13.640 But it was mostly people playing devil's advocate just come up and sort of, like, take the Archie stance on it.

00:15:19.580 I mean, definitely a downer that Archie was not there.

00:15:22.020 And Kevin was pretty base, though.

00:15:25.260 I will say that.

00:15:25.960 Like, he would have beaten Archie in this debate as far as I can tell.

00:15:29.480 Did you have to start the butt plug to do that devil's advocate or to be a –

00:15:33.640 I don't even know what you're referring to.

00:15:38.280 The Archie is a fag.

00:15:39.720 That's all.

00:15:40.100 I don't think he's real.

00:15:43.620 He might not be.

00:15:45.200 He's just a bot.

00:15:46.760 Yeah, actually, the line to ask Kevin Tyson questions, you actually had to form it with your dick in the ass of the person in front of you.

00:15:54.460 That's actually how it was done.

00:15:56.000 Me and Aaron walked up to the pavilion because I'm not – both of us were, like, drinking.

00:16:02.500 But I think we thought that Archie Flower was there, but that it was just people asking Gene Epstein a bunch of weird, like, specific questions.

00:16:11.240 And I was, like – Aaron, I was, like, ever seen those videos where it's, like, the Minecraft conventions?

00:16:15.340 So that's why I saw that kid with, like, a creeper hoodie on them.

00:16:26.380 No, and aside from the fact that, yeah, Archie didn't show up at all, I guess – I didn't see him, but Nick Sarwark, I guess, was there for, like, a couple of the main speeches.

00:16:35.640 And I guess he was incognito and, like, maybe dressed down or something and wearing sunglasses and thinking people wouldn't know who he was.

00:16:43.220 Standing way in the back.

00:16:44.580 Yeah, undercover.

00:16:45.600 And he was filming, I guess, Karen and Harlos' talk on Wednesday and Jacob Hornberger's on Thursday, I guess, and maybe some other ones.

00:16:53.160 I never actually saw him.

00:16:54.620 Hornberger.

00:16:55.500 Yeah.

00:16:56.100 He was just out there doing some surveillance before he goes and tries to steal Porkfest next year.

00:17:02.620 Right.

00:17:02.900 Well, I mean, that's also interesting because I saw –

00:17:06.160 Sorry.

00:17:06.520 He's the co-conspirator of whoever's going to steal it is what it's going to be.

00:17:09.840 I mean, I still –

00:17:10.480 No, he was taking footage for the fucking feds, man.

00:17:13.860 That could be too.

00:17:15.480 I mean, I'm not beyond thinking that there is a possibility that Nick Sarwark is a fed, obviously.

00:17:22.260 I won't say that he definitely is because Scott Horton will get really pissed about that, and there isn't actually evidence of it.

00:17:27.460 But, I mean, we don't really know.

00:17:29.680 Like, I took it as kind of an indication of – it was, like, similar to Archie Flower not showing up, that Nick was kind of just hiding in the shadows.

00:17:36.720 And it's like, oh, these, like, bitches are basically just – you know, they've kind of been pushed into the shadows now or not being there at all.

00:17:44.060 And it's kind of like a Mises takeover type of thing.

00:17:46.820 But maybe I'm wrong, and, like, what Cole was saying kind of gets to – I think Karen Ann was talking about this at Porkfest, and Angela, I think, was talking about this at Porkfest, where they said that they thought that maybe what happened in New Hampshire, with the LP New Hampshire, with, like, the Giletta Jarvis thing, like, kicking the Mises people out and whatever, that that may have been a trial run.

00:18:08.460 And that it's something that is happening at, like, the LP national level, and that they might try to do that again in, like, some of the, like, Mises weaker states, like Nevada and – I don't know if she said Pennsylvania or I forget where else.

00:18:22.180 Oregon, I think she said, didn't it?

00:18:23.540 Oregon, maybe, yeah.

00:18:25.140 So, I mean, I don't know if she's right, but I found that to be interesting.

00:18:28.120 Didn't she say that at, like – I think she said that whenever she came up – whenever Dave and Pete and Angela were all doing that one Q&A.

00:18:41.300 That was the part of the problem episode.

00:18:43.500 Yeah, the part of the problem episode, and then I think Karen Ann was – she said it then.

00:18:47.160 Along with the fucking Asian lady and the fucking Chinese lady.

00:18:51.820 Yeah.

00:18:52.180 I mean, Roland.

00:18:53.680 Oh, yeah, Lily Tang Williams.

00:18:55.340 Yeah, and she actually gave her own talk, I think it was the next day, and I was like – dude, like, I think she's awesome, and she's totally based.

00:19:04.640 Like, she knows what she's talking about.

00:19:05.960 She escaped China, and she's seeing the U.S., you know, kind of moving towards that, like, style of Chinese fascism.

00:19:14.220 She's calling it communism.

00:19:15.440 I think it's more fascism, but –

00:19:18.160 Yeah.

00:19:19.160 Yeah, I mean, I just couldn't deal with her doing an hour's speech, man, but I loved her thing during part of the problem.

00:19:26.000 Dude, I did an hour's speech there for – Anthony Samuroff had to cancel his speech because he wasn't feeling good.

00:19:34.620 And he wanted someone to go and ask – or, like, tell the people there that he couldn't do the speech.

00:19:40.240 Oh, no.

00:19:40.560 So I went to tell them.

00:19:42.320 And they were like, we need someone to do it.

00:19:44.440 So I was like, I'll do it.

00:19:45.660 And then I had, like, 20 minutes through of her.

00:19:48.780 And, like, halfway through, some dude just walked on stage.

00:19:53.800 Like, the stage, he walked up to a microphone and just started talking.

00:19:57.780 I didn't even ask him to come up.

00:19:59.120 It's like karaoke, you know, where somebody gets way too drunk and they come up while you're already on stage.

00:20:06.540 Okay, this is my song.

00:20:09.380 They come up and they won't get off the mic.

00:20:11.140 You were just up there, like, from the hip, just like, I'm going to give a speech.

00:20:15.460 Dude, I didn't even know this.

00:20:17.060 I just thought the speech didn't happen because I know Samuroff was, like – this was Thursday morning.

00:20:21.880 Samuroff was scheduled to speak.

00:20:23.080 He spoke on the main stage.

00:20:23.940 Hold on, real quick.

00:20:25.780 Who the fuck is Samurai?

00:20:29.300 Anthony Samurai.

00:20:30.580 So actually, the reason why he did not make his speech the next day is because the night before that, he actually committed seppuku.

00:20:40.280 Because he wanted to have an honorable death.

00:20:43.340 He committed Sudoku.

00:20:45.860 Well, it was because Wednesday afternoon, he actually stood right next to me and realized that he's actually somehow even shorter than I am.

00:20:53.940 And he just realized that, you know, that's pretty much the end of everything.

00:20:59.720 The first thing I said to him when I saw him, I was like, do you know Nick Ashley?

00:21:06.780 And he thought I was Nick Ashley.

00:21:10.980 Wow.

00:21:11.740 Brutal.

00:21:13.640 Samuroff knew who I was because he was doing his talk, which was mostly about, like, the COVID stuff.

00:21:21.920 On Wednesday afternoon or something.

00:21:24.840 And he, like – he yelled out – he mentioned, I think, Timeline Earth, Slurp Gang, and Tower Gang.

00:21:31.080 And I was the only one there from any of the three, so I shouted out for Tower Gang.

00:21:34.840 And he was like, oh, we have a Tower Gang fan here.

00:21:37.080 And he looked at me and he was like, or perhaps somebody who even hosts the show.

00:21:40.860 And I was like, yeah, you're coming on the show, man.

00:21:44.660 You're coming on.

00:21:45.220 He was like, yes, I will come on your show.

00:21:47.680 Hell yeah.

00:21:48.700 He's the one that gives out, like, those crazy fucking – whenever he, like, signs a book or something.

00:21:53.900 Like, he, like, does, like, crazy, like, buy crypto, smoke meth or something like that.

00:21:59.860 Well, I know sometimes he'll draw a dick.

00:22:02.540 I know that.

00:22:03.000 Yeah, I've heard, like, he'll be, like, buy crypto, smoke meth, like, stack stats.

00:22:09.820 Like, he does all types of shit.

00:22:14.340 Yeah.

00:22:15.540 But, yeah, Samuroff, the night that he got, like, incapacitated Wednesday night, I don't know exactly what happened.

00:22:21.680 Because I had gone – I'd gotten up to, like, 42 hours straight without sleep, so I disappeared, like, probably around midnight.

00:22:29.620 I was at my hotel, and I guess I missed some craziness at the Mises tent.

00:22:33.740 Samuroff is a small guy.

00:22:35.140 I'm guessing that – I mean, I know he must have had a lot of alcohol because he is Scottish.

00:22:40.240 But I think he probably mixed that with some other drugs.

00:22:44.880 And then, like, the next day and a half, I think he was just, like, on the ground outside of the Mises tent.

00:22:51.000 Wait, libertarians do drugs?

00:22:53.940 There are no drugs at Porkfest whatsoever, man.

00:22:56.600 Only the fucking cool ones.

00:22:58.500 There are no drugs.

00:22:59.560 There are no rave tents.

00:23:00.760 None of this shit goes on.

00:23:02.120 Dude, a rape tent is good.

00:23:05.100 I'm glad there was no rape tent there.

00:23:07.760 It was a handjob tent, apparently.

00:23:09.580 It was a handjob tent.

00:23:11.260 Dude, everything is consensual at Porkfest.

00:23:13.880 Thaddeus Russell was heading up the rape tent.

00:23:15.800 He was just there.

00:23:16.900 Oh, my God.

00:23:18.700 Dude, there was a –

00:23:19.720 He was like, I don't think it's right.

00:23:21.080 But, I mean, you can do it if you want to.

00:23:24.180 There was a stripper tent.

00:23:25.620 And I'm guessing you can imagine what the ratio, the gender ratio at Porkfest is.

00:23:31.560 There was a stripper tent.

00:23:32.860 And I'm like –

00:23:33.680 I'm assuming they don't have any, like, divisions like they would, like, or separate rooms like they would at, you know, an actual strip club.

00:23:38.980 And I'm like, so you want me to be sitting in a room with, like, 20-something dudes with boners looking at, like, two chicks or something who are stripping?

00:23:47.040 I'm like, yeah, I'll pass.

00:23:48.460 That's what Porkfest is about.

00:23:49.840 But, like, what's different about that between, like, your normal life?

00:23:57.200 Oh, please.

00:23:57.960 Was Vin Armani in that tent?

00:24:03.180 That guy's a faggot, by the way.

00:24:04.860 Anyway.

00:24:05.120 Did you watch his episode with Liberty Lockpod?

00:24:10.660 No.

00:24:12.380 No, there's no way that you could pay me to do that.

00:24:14.800 You could have watched that.

00:24:16.400 Dude, I haven't watched it either.

00:24:17.440 I just loved, like, people just shitting on each other the whole time.

00:24:22.360 And, like, just, like –

00:24:24.020 I already thought that guy sucked.

00:24:25.620 But then, like, I saw the clips.

00:24:26.600 I'm like, wow.

00:24:27.600 Like, first off, I don't talk to wizards.

00:24:30.780 Like, I'm Christian.

00:24:32.200 I don't talk to fucking wizards, man.

00:24:35.960 Oh, my God.

00:24:37.240 He's a fucking Apex Redditor.

00:24:42.420 Oh, God damn it.

00:24:45.860 It's Redditor.

00:24:47.500 Oh, man.

00:24:48.120 And I think –

00:24:48.660 I don't know if they were talking about the stripper tent or something else,

00:24:51.580 but I guess there was some –

00:24:53.560 I don't know if it was the wall of the stripper tent or –

00:24:56.100 I mean, I would imagine that that wouldn't be a tent.

00:24:58.460 It would be, like, a cabin or an RV or something.

00:25:00.340 But I guess somebody's ass print wound up in it.

00:25:03.540 It's just the row of port-a-potties.

00:25:08.280 Somebody's, huh?

00:25:10.560 Well, yeah, that's the other thing about Porkfest.

00:25:12.680 And we were during a drought, so it's like you're camping, man.

00:25:16.160 So you're, like, not even supposed to use, like, the actual bathrooms at all.

00:25:19.000 So it's like, yeah, you're using these port-a-potties that are just filled with shit.

00:25:23.480 I'm like, oh, damn.

00:25:24.500 Well, it's like you're back at, you know, like a music festival or some shit like that.

00:25:27.780 I'm like, well, I'm going to – at least I can, like, shit on cue so I, you know,

00:25:32.600 don't have to, you know, actually shit in one of these port-a-potties.

00:25:36.320 Who would have known that libertarians are full of shit?

00:25:38.960 Wait, did you just not shit the whole time?

00:25:41.560 I shat at the hotel, man.

00:25:43.920 Oh.

00:25:44.720 Yeah.

00:25:45.200 That's much better.

00:25:45.960 All right.

00:25:46.660 When you've been a construction worker, you don't really care.

00:25:50.600 You don't really care about port-a-potties.

00:25:53.020 Dude, I'm not –

00:25:53.980 It's saying, have you beat off in a port-a-potty?

00:25:55.760 No, not yet.

00:25:58.580 Yeah, I used to shoot heroin, so.

00:26:01.320 Jeez, everybody.

00:26:04.100 Right in your dick?

00:26:05.120 Like, right in your dick hole and shoot the heroin?

00:26:06.820 No, no, no, no.

00:26:09.540 Oh, dude, I was –

00:26:10.280 Never like that.

00:26:11.720 I used to give plasma, and then whenever, like, you had to come in there to get the fucking physical,

00:26:18.040 and they'd be like, hey, take off your socks and shoes.

00:26:19.900 I'm like, why the fuck didn't you see my feet?

00:26:21.740 And they're like, we need to check in between your toes because that's where people shoot up heroin.

00:26:24.740 And I was like, Jesus Christ.

00:26:26.800 And I was like, okay.

00:26:29.040 Do you ever give plasma and then, like, drink, like, three beers?

00:26:33.100 Oh, you –

00:26:33.660 Oh, my God.

00:26:34.860 Shit is dope, dude.

00:26:38.400 It's basically, like, butt-chugging, but way, like, easier.

00:26:42.180 Holy shit.

00:26:42.760 Not, like, life-threatening.

00:26:43.460 Are you familiar with this process?

00:26:46.080 Have you –

00:26:46.600 With butt-chugging?

00:26:48.380 Are you a butt-chugger?

00:26:49.240 The only thing that sticks up my butts is my wife's fingers.

00:26:58.320 That's about it.

00:26:59.100 Oh, Jesus.

00:27:00.900 Is she listening through the vent right now?

00:27:03.300 Fat Dave?

00:27:04.600 She gets pissed at, like, half of our episodes at least.

00:27:07.620 Yeah.

00:27:09.140 Rightfully so.

00:27:10.000 I think Fat Dave is at least a boofer.

00:27:14.680 That's what it's called, right?

00:27:15.720 Isn't that what you do?

00:27:18.060 Oh, so Fat Dave, so you like things coming out of your ass, right?

00:27:23.520 Like when you're in the toilet?

00:27:25.120 I know where you're going with this.

00:27:26.720 Yeah.

00:27:27.420 Yeah.

00:27:27.740 I just want to say real quick, though.

00:27:29.000 I didn't know until, like, an hour ago that Fat Dave was actually just a person and not, like, somebody's alt.

00:27:42.400 No, like, I used to have you blocked and shit.

00:27:44.300 I was like, I'm tired of hearing about fucking Fat Dave.

00:27:46.660 Yes, I do.

00:27:47.400 There's so many people that have me blocked.

00:27:48.800 I was like, why do these fuckers have me?

00:27:51.220 No, she doesn't.

00:27:55.480 Like, you have me blocked.

00:27:57.400 Who was the other – Steppy had me blocked.

00:28:00.360 I think it was the Timeline Earth guys, I think, right?

00:28:03.700 Like, all the Timeline Earth guys.

00:28:05.120 Except for Aaron.

00:28:06.700 And then, like, I think one – like, a couple – like, everybody on Slope Gang besides Ace was having me blocked.

00:28:13.000 And I think they still do.

00:28:14.920 And I was like, you motherfuckers.

00:28:16.720 Like, I'm not just – like, I'm not just making fat jokes every day.

00:28:20.080 I'm legitimately, like, just shitposting.

00:28:22.220 You are, yeah.

00:28:23.320 I'm a person.

00:28:24.920 I'm a legit person.

00:28:25.960 I'm not just just like –

00:28:27.380 Dude, that shit could only last, like, so long, man.

00:28:30.240 But, like, I mean, I've, like, pretty much gone away from the Tom Weeds account.

00:28:34.040 But I do, like, make, you know, a couple of posts.

00:28:35.980 And I made that post saying that I was going to be at Porkfest.

00:28:38.280 And then I told Tom that I am Tom Weeds.

00:28:40.660 And he, like, freaked out, man.

00:28:42.080 He thought it was so awesome.

00:28:44.820 I didn't know how he'd react exactly.

00:28:46.820 I thought it would be positive.

00:28:48.200 But it was really –

00:28:49.100 A cool thing that you found out was that Dave Smith has actually watched the show.

00:28:52.180 And so he knows I'm Fat Dave.

00:28:53.640 It's like –

00:28:54.220 Yeah.

00:28:55.700 I'm pretty sure he does.

00:28:56.820 Yeah.

00:28:56.940 He said he watched our last episode, the Jeremy Todd-Clint one.

00:29:01.500 And, yeah.

00:29:02.240 Yeah.

00:29:02.880 That was pretty cool.

00:29:03.980 Like, I think he knew who I was.

00:29:05.600 And he said he'd watched the most recent show.

00:29:07.300 So that was pretty awesome.

00:29:09.560 Or he could just fucking lie because he's a comedian.

00:29:11.980 He just makes up shit.

00:29:12.940 Oh, yeah.

00:29:16.440 Totally watched that.

00:29:17.340 I don't think he was shitting me in this case.

00:29:18.940 Well, because he mentioned, like, who was on it.

00:29:20.800 So I'm pretty sure he was being truthful.

00:29:22.900 Oh, that's true.

00:29:23.700 He just saw the – I mean, they both tweeted it out.

00:29:27.640 I had two interactions with Dave Smith the whole time.

00:29:31.460 And that was it.

00:29:33.080 What did you do?

00:29:33.660 What was the –

00:29:34.360 Well, the first one was when he showed up to the Mises tent the one night.

00:29:39.980 And everyone was like, oh.

00:29:40.820 Oh, and I said to him, I was like, oh, we got tiki torches outside this tent.

00:29:44.820 Are you sure, like, Nick Starworks is not going to say anything about it?

00:29:50.640 And then the second time I was hanging out with Aaron and Pete Quinonez at the Mises tent.

00:29:58.240 And then Dave Smith walks up, and I'm, like, a couple of drinks in.

00:30:02.300 And I got a cigarette in one hand, and he's also, like, doing the same thing.

00:30:05.620 And I'm like, oh, shit, it's Dave Smith doing the same thing as me.

00:30:08.680 And he's like, yeah, I can't smoke at home.

00:30:12.480 I got to do it here.

00:30:13.940 Oh, he was actually smoking, smoking?

00:30:15.560 I thought he quit.

00:30:16.760 Yeah, I guess not.

00:30:18.160 Maybe you're not supposed to be mentioning that.

00:30:20.340 I don't know.

00:30:21.180 I don't know how many people are watching.

00:30:22.480 You fucking snitch.

00:30:25.420 Well, Dave's wife doesn't watch Tower of Hour.

00:30:27.900 Come on.

00:30:29.560 That would be so funny if she was, like, a huge fan.

00:30:31.640 I'm going to be real.

00:30:35.180 There's no chance of that.

00:30:38.460 And then Sam actually blew Dave.

00:30:44.180 Just right in there.

00:30:45.840 I mean, you know, based, I guess.

00:30:50.120 It was transactual.

00:30:53.900 He did to Dave what Dave won't admit that he would definitely do to Ron Paul.

00:30:59.720 Yeah, that's true.

00:31:02.900 What we would all do to Ron Paul.

00:31:05.400 Fair.

00:31:05.920 He just says, I thank you.

00:31:07.560 You're only talking about the guy from Breaking Bad, right?

00:31:11.140 Yes.

00:31:12.040 That's what we're talking about.

00:31:13.240 Yeah.

00:31:13.800 He's pretty sexy, man.

00:31:15.340 Yeah.

00:31:16.200 Jesse Pinkman?

00:31:17.240 Hell yeah.

00:31:20.460 So.

00:31:21.740 Sam, you did ask me if I do like things coming out of my butt.

00:31:25.540 Yeah.

00:31:25.820 Because I did have a tweet this week where I said that the gayest part of a man's life

00:31:32.580 is when he gets a boner while shitting.

00:31:34.400 Because I was shitting and I got a boner.

00:31:37.980 And so I tweeted it.

00:31:41.380 There's nothing wrong with that.

00:31:43.280 I was thinking, I was like, this is so gay when you think about it.

00:31:48.640 I mean, that's pretty weird.

00:31:50.240 Because I thought the gayest moment of a dude's life would be when he fucks another dude, but.

00:31:54.580 No.

00:31:55.240 Well, because this is like.

00:31:57.140 Fat Dave's like, look, I've done that.

00:31:58.620 It was less gay.

00:31:59.920 Or gets fucked by another dude.

00:32:01.900 Yes, exactly.

00:32:03.260 This is basically telling you that you like ass stimulation.

00:32:07.240 And it's not just like something small.

00:32:09.440 It's like something, you know, something about that big a round that's going.

00:32:12.180 Like, what if I told you?

00:32:15.780 Yeah.

00:32:17.000 Everyone likes ass stimulation.

00:32:19.140 That's probably true.

00:32:21.900 Yeah, I mean.

00:32:23.340 I don't know if that's true.

00:32:24.200 I'm just fucked up.

00:32:25.980 I mean, I don't know if that's necessarily gay or if it's like, you know, just.

00:32:31.800 There's nothing gay about nature.

00:32:33.380 Okay.

00:32:33.780 If it just means that you have like a fetish for poop or something.

00:32:37.440 Like, I don't really know what it means.

00:32:38.880 No, I don't have a fetish for poop.

00:32:40.440 But like, I don't know if that's right, dude.

00:32:43.560 Sorry.

00:32:45.980 You got to the bottom of this shit.

00:32:48.480 Dude, I'm just spitballing here, man.

00:32:51.860 Sam with his new line.

00:32:53.160 Yo, yo, Sam.

00:32:54.240 I told them that like, if I had an easy way to do video, I was going to also show up with

00:32:58.740 a ski mask.

00:33:00.860 You know, we don't have a mask mandate on this show.

00:33:05.180 Not even on the tape, dude.

00:33:06.540 He doesn't have bit me at all.

00:33:07.600 Sam, you look retarded right now.

00:33:13.720 He mostly uses that to anonymously blow dudes.

00:33:20.340 That's what he uses that mask for.

00:33:22.200 Do you think John McAfee had the same revelation as me and actually took it to that he just really

00:33:27.460 likes to get shit on?

00:33:28.940 It's just like, he was taking a shit one day and he was like, hey, this is kind of nice.

00:33:33.860 I would love that people shit on me.

00:33:35.520 Dude, R.I.P., man.

00:33:38.600 Yeah, I thought I'd run out for the homie the other night.

00:33:41.220 Oh, God.

00:33:42.540 I'm not trying to talk about this like a lot or anything, but that's like one specific

00:33:46.340 fetish.

00:33:46.860 I'm like, where did that come from?

00:33:48.200 Like, what happened to you?

00:33:49.740 Were you like being shit on?

00:33:53.080 It's such a weird thing.

00:33:54.480 Well, I mean, I mean, it's a submissive thing, but apparently there are like, yeah, that's

00:34:00.180 not enough.

00:34:03.640 All right.

00:34:03.820 You don't need to just be submissive for that to be what you're into.

00:34:07.500 I don't know.

00:34:07.760 Apparently there are some like high profile dudes who are actually like submissive in

00:34:11.460 the bedroom and stuff.

00:34:12.280 And they, I mean, those are the people who like hire like dominatrixes and shit like

00:34:15.460 that.

00:34:16.300 And they want to like, they're not all smash and shit like that.

00:34:19.920 Just Bill Gates just getting big fat dumps on him.

00:34:23.780 Well, I mean, his fucking wife or ex-wife like looks like a dude.

00:34:27.480 So she left him because she's like, Bill, I'm not shitting on you anymore.

00:34:34.640 Like, it's too much.

00:34:36.940 Bill's like, just eat a ton of apples and then shit on him.

00:34:39.800 He's like, you like that apple, you little bitch, don't you?

00:34:46.240 Oh, man.

00:34:47.420 But as far as the shitting, is it called shitting a boner?

00:34:50.880 Is that what happened?

00:34:51.360 Like if you shit and then get a boner?

00:34:53.160 Is that what's called?

00:34:53.760 Shit boner.

00:34:54.340 Well, because like, I mean, for me, that has never happened.

00:34:58.560 Even though, you know, take me.

00:34:59.920 Wait, really?

00:35:00.580 Even though I take it.

00:35:01.800 Yeah, Toad's wrong.

00:35:03.500 Dude, I've delivered some shit.

00:35:05.560 Toad's wrong with Toad.

00:35:07.260 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:35:07.960 That's fucked up.

00:35:08.260 Dude, I've delivered some shit babies out of my ass, man.

00:35:10.980 Some shit that really, it's a real struggle, man, which is why I have the squatty potty

00:35:15.100 now so that it doesn't happen anymore.

00:35:17.000 But like, even so, like.

00:35:19.100 Wait, I thought you had the squatty potty because of your height.

00:35:24.340 So, so I can be even lower to the ground?

00:35:27.220 I don't know, dude.

00:35:28.820 I'm just talking shit, man.

00:35:31.220 Damn.

00:35:32.040 Yeah, dude.

00:35:32.640 I didn't think that through.

00:35:33.940 Dude, I want to be so low that I'm like in the toilet, right?

00:35:37.400 Like I'm like, I'm teabagging the toilet when I take a shit.

00:35:41.060 That's what I want to be doing.

00:35:42.260 Lowrider toilet.

00:35:43.300 No, but I mean, in my experience, what happens is because, I mean, and this is like, you

00:35:53.160 know, I mean, I've cut like way down on like the porn watching and stuff.

00:35:56.360 But when I, like, I mean, even though people think I'm a huge, like degenerate or something,

00:35:59.960 probably because I'm on this podcast.

00:36:01.300 But, like, for me, it would be like you have to, like, organize your, like, activities in

00:36:07.560 a certain way that makes sense, right?

00:36:09.160 But then it would have to be, okay, you got to beat off before you take a shower, right?

00:36:14.540 But you also have to shit before you take a shower.

00:36:17.040 But you don't want to shit and then not take a shower and beat off, right?

00:36:21.440 Because when you, I mean, dude, toilet paper sucks.

00:36:23.080 This is not a conundrum.

00:36:24.700 Yeah, toilet paper sucks, dude.

00:36:26.420 Like, all toilet paper does is just move shit around, basically.

00:36:28.960 It's not good enough.

00:36:30.140 Like, if I can, if I can, I want to take a shower.

00:36:33.560 Look, I'll put it like, there's no other part of your body that if you got shit all

00:36:38.180 over it, you just smear it around with paper and be like, yeah, that's pretty good.

00:36:42.380 That's why I always, that's why I always do, that's why I always, that's a great comment.

00:36:49.620 That's why I always do the Alabama wet wipe where you spit on, you spit on the toilet paper

00:36:56.760 and it's just a nice soothing.

00:36:58.520 It's like a, it's like a really cheap bidet.

00:37:01.120 No, you dip, you dip the toilet paper in the, in the toilet water.

00:37:09.240 Honestly, what is, honestly, if you think about it, there's literally nothing wrong

00:37:13.020 with that.

00:37:13.380 You already shit out of your butt.

00:37:16.820 Right.

00:37:17.340 It's no different.

00:37:18.920 By the way, is there, is just a side note, is there a term for when you hock a loogie into

00:37:23.560 somebody's asshole and then like close it up?

00:37:26.160 Dude.

00:37:28.040 Disgusting.

00:37:28.620 That's the term.

00:37:31.020 There's, there's gotta be a name for it.

00:37:33.500 Probably something related to Alabama, but I'm not sure.

00:37:36.460 It's like an Alabama hot pocket.

00:37:37.940 Yeah, I was about to say that.

00:37:39.260 What the fuck?

00:37:40.860 We talked about that last time.

00:37:41.760 I was literally going to say Alabama hot pocket.

00:37:43.880 The hot pocket is shitting into a vagina, which we discussed last time, so that's not it.

00:37:48.420 But as far as like, you know, the order, like, you know, the order of operations here, the

00:37:53.380 only way to do it is you have to beat off first because you don't want to have just taken

00:37:57.040 a shit because that ruins everything unless you're like a poop fetish guy or something.

00:38:00.840 Right.

00:38:00.980 So you have to beat off first.

00:38:02.340 No, you shit first.

00:38:03.140 No, you shit first.

00:38:04.080 You finish shitting.

00:38:06.100 You finish shitting.

00:38:07.320 You're, you are.

00:38:08.860 Yeah, you gotta, you gotta beat, or you could, you could go shit, shower, beat off, shower again.

00:38:14.240 I can see that being there.

00:38:15.560 It's a waste of water.

00:38:16.660 I don't even know what you're talking about water.

00:38:20.200 The Alabama spit roast.

00:38:21.520 The Alabama spit roast.

00:38:24.200 The Alabama flash bang.

00:38:29.160 What I'm saying is it's, for me, it's, yeah, the opposite way around.

00:38:33.200 Like, like, I go into the shit already having a boner in that case, right?

00:38:36.760 No, you finish shitting.

00:38:38.920 Well, son.

00:38:39.640 Dude, it's, there's a correct order here.

00:38:42.700 Or you could be, and then just wait, and then take a shit.

00:38:46.540 Which is probably the best option.

00:38:49.920 But sometimes you'll, you can't wait, man.

00:38:51.840 You'll just take the shit while you have the boner.

00:38:53.640 You gotta, you know, deal with that.

00:38:55.320 Piss shit, cum, shower.

00:38:56.820 That's the answer.

00:38:57.120 Literally.

00:38:57.720 Literally.

00:38:58.160 Piss shit, cum, shower.

00:38:59.720 Yeah.

00:39:00.440 Wait, so you mean to tell me you don't pee on your shit?

00:39:02.500 Just trying to soften it in the ass?

00:39:04.160 I wish you could see the disgust on my face right now.

00:39:12.540 Dude, I don't ever see, how can you possibly shit and then piss after that?

00:39:16.180 Like, when you shit, you just piss, right?

00:39:17.900 Like, that's the thing.

00:39:18.900 It's a South Park joke.

00:39:21.580 You just hold some in reserve.

00:39:23.140 You just hold some in reserve.

00:39:24.180 And just, oh my god.

00:39:26.900 Fuck, Sam.

00:39:30.060 I don't know if I've said this before, but I once heard that if you, like, when you're

00:39:34.560 pissing, if you, like, stop mid-piss, like, you make yourself stop pissing, you'll have

00:39:38.880 better orgasms.

00:39:39.940 It's like, what do you mean?

00:39:41.220 That is true.

00:39:42.000 So for, like, months, I did that.

00:39:44.100 It's tango exercises, dude.

00:39:45.720 It's like, it's, well, it's also, like, it's like edging as well, but you're doing it

00:39:49.720 with piss instead, you know?

00:39:52.200 So I did that for months, and I was like, this is a shit.

00:39:55.200 Dude, I also, I, dude, I had to do that when I was, like, in the ER a few weeks ago where

00:39:59.560 they were like, and I, you know, I, I had been drinking quite a bit or, you know, a decent

00:40:05.060 amount, and they were like, oh, and I don't mean just alcohol either.

00:40:08.400 I mean, alcohol, water, like, a lot of liquids, and I was in the ER, and I held it, like, I'm,

00:40:13.260 I have really good bladder control, and I'd held it in for so long, and they were like,

00:40:16.220 yeah, we need to test your, because they were worried that I had, like, some bladder

00:40:19.280 issue or something.

00:40:19.960 I'm like, no, this is how I am.

00:40:21.000 They're like, no, you're going to piss into this container right now.

00:40:23.460 We're going to measure it, and it was a two-liter container, and that, and that wasn't enough,

00:40:28.520 so I literally, so I literally had to stop mid-stream, and I, I could, I could actually

00:40:34.580 do this.

00:40:35.080 I had to stop mid-stream and then ask for another container, and I wound up pissing four

00:40:38.620 liters.

00:40:39.440 You did not piss four liters.

00:40:42.720 I absolutely did.

00:40:43.840 Oh, I did.

00:40:44.840 If we want to, if you want to talk about me exaggerating records.

00:40:47.680 You pissed as much as, you pissed as much as the deal I get from Papa John's when I

00:40:51.720 get a pizza in two, two-liter.

00:40:54.700 Dude, I'm not joking about that.

00:40:56.600 Wait, he is.

00:40:57.220 He pissed as pizza?

00:41:00.360 This motherfucker pissing out pizza.

00:41:04.680 There's no way you pissed four, you don't have four liters of storage in the bottle.

00:41:10.060 Yeah, it's like this big.

00:41:12.080 Yeah, that's like a whole, that's a gallon milk jug of piss, dude.

00:41:16.080 Dude, it fucking happened, man.

00:41:17.460 I'm telling you.

00:41:17.980 Maybe I look pregnant.

00:41:18.920 Like four liters is about a gallon, right?

00:41:21.180 Like.

00:41:22.620 I feel like that's more than a gallon.

00:41:24.380 Four liters has to be more than a gallon.

00:41:25.980 I'm not, somebody could Google it, but I am not.

00:41:28.520 Yeah, I don't Google things.

00:41:29.940 Dude, are you saying I set like a Guinness, like what would have been a Guinness World Record

00:41:33.720 or something and nobody.

00:41:34.580 Yeah, you had the world record piss, dude.

00:41:38.300 There was no way.

00:41:39.400 I can't even imagine pissing out.

00:41:42.340 I would get bored.

00:41:43.880 I would be midstream.

00:41:44.800 I'd be like, man, I really want to do something else.

00:41:47.400 Once I was pissing outside and a cop started rolling up and I was like, shit, so then I

00:41:52.160 just had to cut it off midstream.

00:41:54.320 You know?

00:41:55.040 That's what happens.

00:41:55.320 Oh, is that it?

00:41:56.040 I thought you were saying like.

00:41:57.200 I do know.

00:41:58.840 I don't want to beat you.

00:42:00.700 Yeah, I don't want to get beaten.

00:42:01.960 I don't want to get a knee on my neck for kissing on the floor.

00:42:04.180 Oh, Jesus.

00:42:05.680 Although, public urination, depending on like where you're at, is some shit that can get

00:42:09.860 you on the fucking sex offender registry.

00:42:11.620 Worded.

00:42:12.020 Public indecency.

00:42:13.240 Yeah.

00:42:14.060 Yeah.

00:42:14.360 Oh, yeah.

00:42:15.060 Which is obviously, you know, absurd, but yeah.

00:42:17.740 If we lived in Thaddeus Russell Society, that would not be a thing.

00:42:21.880 Well, good, because that part sucks.

00:42:26.380 I know, dude.

00:42:27.200 Yeah.

00:42:27.600 Yeah.

00:42:28.260 Like, yeah, you get thrown on a sex offender registry just for, you know,

00:42:31.960 publicly urinating on a 13-year-old.

00:42:34.960 What the hell?

00:42:37.480 Fuck up, man.

00:42:39.460 What kind of world do we live in?

00:42:41.660 Have you guys ever seen Trapped in the Closet by R. Kelly?

00:42:45.220 No, I haven't.

00:42:46.200 No, I mean, is it, was that the documentary that?

00:42:49.680 No, it's the song he does.

00:42:51.400 Oh, okay.

00:42:52.360 It's like.

00:42:52.700 Yeah, Dave Chappelle parody that.

00:42:54.660 It's like a 40-episode song, like, hip-hop opera, and it's just so fucking ridiculous.

00:43:03.540 So, I would suggest looking up Trapped in the Closet after this.

00:43:07.280 I would suggest not doing that.

00:43:09.220 I would suggest doing it.

00:43:10.460 I know who R. Kelly is and how fucked up in the head he is.

00:43:14.360 I don't know if I want to watch.

00:43:15.400 He, yeah, he, like, had court cases for pissing on minors.

00:43:19.900 Oh, yeah.

00:43:20.340 On video, on video, like, there's video.

00:43:21.840 He was like, yeah, this is a good thing to record, too.

00:43:24.980 I don't know.

00:43:27.460 Hey, guys, this is not going to bite me in the ass ever.

00:43:29.780 I think it's going to be totally fine.

00:43:31.060 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:32.500 Not only is this a good thing to do, recording it is totally fine.

00:43:36.380 I want to watch this again later.

00:43:38.600 And then say you're fighting for your life.

00:43:40.880 Yeah.

00:43:42.100 Well, that and then, like, what wasn't his most popular song also in, like, a very popular kids movie?

00:43:48.120 Space Kid.

00:43:48.900 Probably.

00:43:49.240 He was, like, a big deal.

00:43:51.100 Like, Toad, you're, like, about my age, I think.

00:43:52.960 He was, like, a big deal when we were kids, man.

00:43:55.660 Yeah.

00:43:56.140 In the 90s?

00:43:57.180 Yeah.

00:43:57.420 Yeah, yeah, like, late 90s.

00:43:58.480 And he, like, fell off because of this.

00:44:01.840 Yeah.

00:44:04.600 This poor guy fell off because he was pissing on minors.

00:44:07.520 Yeah.

00:44:08.600 Cancel culture these days, you know.

00:44:10.140 Yeah, what the fuck?

00:44:12.440 Yeah, dude, I don't know why they didn't reuse his song in Space Jam 2.

00:44:16.600 What the fuck?

00:44:18.520 Why not do it?

00:44:19.060 That's going to be a tragic mess, Space Jam 2 is.

00:44:22.080 I'm just going to tell you that right now.

00:44:23.280 I'm going to make a prediction.

00:44:24.900 Is it already out?

00:44:25.820 I don't know.

00:44:26.240 I've seen, like...

00:44:26.680 No, it's going to come out, like, probably next year.

00:44:29.040 I mean, LeBron James is in it, so it's probably going to be all pro, like, China.

00:44:35.520 Pro Chinese Communist Party, I should say.

00:44:38.140 Not to sound like Donald Trump or anything.

00:44:42.180 China.

00:44:42.500 So, something was going around this week, and I wanted to get a confirmation on it.

00:44:47.340 The number 32 being...

00:44:50.260 Is that the answer to the ultimate question of the life, the universe, and everything?

00:44:54.040 I believe that's 42.

00:44:56.040 32 is the amount of times...

00:44:57.040 I don't know what you're talking about.

00:44:58.200 32 is the amount of times that you have masturbated in one day.

00:45:03.080 I want to get that confirmation from you.

00:45:06.000 I can't exactly confirm that.

00:45:08.340 I don't know how much I was actually exaggerating that, because it was definitely close to that.

00:45:12.540 It was a lot.

00:45:13.280 It's not like I was counting it, but, like, I don't know, dude.

00:45:16.920 And I'm pretty sure...

00:45:17.860 After 15, I would start counting.

00:45:19.360 Dude, I want to think that, you know, Tet was saying that you have to be a teenager to do this.

00:45:24.060 I mean, I'm a virile man, okay?

00:45:26.980 No, it's not about, like, being able to get it up, dude.

00:45:30.800 It's spending a whole day masturbating.

00:45:34.000 Yeah, dude.

00:45:34.680 How did you have the time?

00:45:36.140 Were you unemployed?

00:45:37.080 I could see you doing this when I was, like, 13.

00:45:41.500 No.

00:45:42.060 Like, I think...

00:45:43.620 I am almost positive that I was on...

00:45:46.880 Because I would always take vacation...

00:45:48.240 Drugs?

00:45:48.960 No.

00:45:49.840 No.

00:45:50.560 No, no, no, no, no.

00:45:51.880 No, I would always take vacation for March Madness.

00:45:55.540 So I'm pretty sure it was a March Madness vacation.

00:45:58.680 And, you know, like...

00:45:59.420 You were masturbating to college basketball?

00:46:01.440 Yeah, I was masturbating to college basketball.

00:46:03.180 That's obviously the case, yes.

00:46:04.900 No, like, I don't know.

00:46:06.660 There's a lot of...

00:46:07.660 Masturbating to Space Jam.

00:46:11.000 Dude, I'm multitasking, all right?

00:46:12.380 So I have, like, the big TV, like, over here, basically.

00:46:15.500 Like, this is my setup at the time.

00:46:17.280 I had my big TV off to, you know, that side.

00:46:19.980 And then it was, like...

00:46:21.500 I don't know.

00:46:21.920 I was watching porn on my computer at the same time.

00:46:24.140 And things got out of hand.

00:46:25.940 I don't know what to tell you, man.

00:46:27.220 Yeah, things definitely got out of your hand.

00:46:29.240 Things got into hand.

00:46:31.040 But it was, like, this situation where, like,

00:46:33.860 dude, I can go again, like, five minutes later.

00:46:36.520 And then, like, I mean...

00:46:37.620 I was definitely, like, shooting blanks for, like, most of this time.

00:46:41.320 Like, I mean, it was fucking stupid.

00:46:44.240 It was painful.

00:46:44.920 But I was, like, playing through the pain.

00:46:46.720 Because I was, like...

00:46:47.920 Like, I value...

00:46:49.500 March Madness.

00:46:50.200 And he had a coach behind him.

00:46:51.180 I'm like, come on, kid.

00:46:52.080 You can do it.

00:46:53.760 The March Madness got me, like, pumped up, right?

00:46:56.160 It was more like, well, this is going to be a masturbation marathon now.

00:47:00.620 So then it was...

00:47:00.860 March Madness Masturbation Marathon?

00:47:03.980 Yeah.

00:47:05.400 I mean, I tried to get up to 64 for the number of teams that were in the tournament at that time.

00:47:10.660 But I didn't get that high.

00:47:12.580 Just halfway, yeah.

00:47:13.880 Yeah.

00:47:14.240 What he was doing is he...

00:47:16.400 He was doing, like, his bracket.

00:47:18.420 And he would just jerk off.

00:47:19.720 And whatever the cum landed on, he would pick that team.

00:47:23.420 He was going on.

00:47:25.260 My bracket picks are far better than that, sir.

00:47:27.900 But this...

00:47:29.700 Yeah.

00:47:30.460 I don't know what to tell you.

00:47:31.320 Like, I just was going over and over again without much downtime.

00:47:34.920 That's all I know.

00:47:35.620 And I value the pleasure more than the pain, man.

00:47:38.800 That's all I can say.

00:47:39.580 And I joked around that I was cumming blood at some point, like, towards the end of it.

00:47:45.640 But that was not actually the case.

00:47:48.640 The most I've ever done is, like, seven or eight times.

00:47:52.020 Yeah.

00:47:52.240 And my little dick, like, peeled.

00:47:54.980 Like, the skin peeled off of my dick.

00:47:57.120 Like, it literally, like, got swollen.

00:47:59.900 And, like, I mean...

00:48:00.720 You're like, chief.

00:48:01.740 I don't know what to tell you, man.

00:48:03.460 Dude, I'm like a professional masturbator.

00:48:05.480 I don't know what to tell you.

00:48:06.680 You're a masturbator.

00:48:08.060 Or I used to be.

00:48:09.920 You're a master masturbator.

00:48:11.400 I'm not doing that anymore.

00:48:12.560 But, I mean, dude, my dick is already, like, fucking mangled and shit from that circumcision of three.

00:48:17.300 So, like...

00:48:17.960 No, I don't know.

00:48:18.640 Dude, and I was also doing it raw, by the way.

00:48:23.620 I don't know if I need to mention that or not.

00:48:25.360 But...

00:48:25.520 I don't have time for lube, man.

00:48:28.380 And then you have to wash your hands and shit.

00:48:30.260 Like...

00:48:30.620 Well, I mean, you want to wash your hands and shit.

00:48:33.280 You know what I mean.

00:48:35.580 You know what I mean.

00:48:36.580 You wash your hands anyway, but, like...

00:48:39.380 At least I wasn't losing lube.

00:48:40.760 No.

00:48:41.420 No.

00:48:41.780 You wash your hands anyway.

00:48:43.220 But, like, the lube, you can't get it off that easily, man.

00:48:45.920 You know what I'm saying?

00:48:47.260 No.

00:48:47.700 I don't know what you're saying.

00:48:48.540 It's so easy.

00:48:49.840 No.

00:48:51.100 No, it isn't, man.

00:48:52.000 There's no part of this where I know what Toad's saying.

00:48:57.060 Hey, man.

00:48:58.900 Guys, have you ever jerked off 13 times in a row, dry?

00:49:02.300 Like, I mean, it's just...

00:49:03.520 Everybody does it.

00:49:04.940 You know?

00:49:06.020 Another Tuesday.

00:49:08.760 Dude, I was a fucking, like, 20-something-year-old coomer, man.

00:49:12.000 I don't know what to tell you.

00:49:14.480 I hate to see it.

00:49:17.240 Hey, what's the most you've done in one day?

00:49:20.660 I don't know, dude.

00:49:22.560 Like, not that many.

00:49:25.460 More in line with what you said.

00:49:29.700 Yeah, seven.

00:49:30.700 I never found it, right?

00:49:31.980 But, like...

00:49:32.980 Toad's a brilliant VP.

00:49:37.440 While we're on this topic, so the episode you guys had Robbie the Fire Bernstein on, he was

00:49:45.980 measuring his ass-to-penis ratio, and I, as the proprietor of the ass-to-penis ratio, concluded

00:49:54.260 that he did it wrong.

00:49:57.600 Because what you gotta do is it's not a measure about length.

00:50:00.980 It's a measure about volume.

00:50:02.220 So, you gotta fill up one of those big glass, like, measuring bowls, with, like, the cups

00:50:08.840 and gallons and shit on it.

00:50:10.440 And then you take, like, you write down what it is beforehand, and then you dunk your dick

00:50:15.300 into it.

00:50:16.100 And then you write what it was afterwards.

00:50:19.220 You subtract it.

00:50:21.060 Account for inflation, because the water has to be 33 degrees Fahrenheit.

00:50:25.600 That's how you get your dick measurement.

00:50:27.120 But then you're going to shrink...

00:50:28.480 Wait, so does it mean Fahrenheit?

00:50:29.540 Yes, you have to shield.

00:50:30.340 It has to be right above freezing?

00:50:32.060 What the fuck are you talking about, Tim?

00:50:34.020 But then you'll shrink your dick.

00:50:36.280 What are you talking about?

00:50:37.120 That's the point, because you have to account for inflation afterwards, so you need, like,

00:50:40.260 a low baseline.

00:50:41.860 That's not what inflation is, dude.

00:50:43.560 That is what inflation is in this situation.

00:50:47.520 Wait, wait, is that what libertarians have been talking about the whole time?

00:50:50.160 Yes.

00:50:51.920 When they talk about inflation being theft and shit like that?

00:50:54.780 Yeah, dude.

00:50:56.660 Yo, okay.

00:50:58.380 Dude, I wish the fed was including all of our dicks.

00:51:01.260 What the fuck?

00:51:03.060 Okay, Sam, continue.

00:51:04.160 So then what do you do with your ass?

00:51:05.700 You just dunk it in the water also, measure.

00:51:08.280 Your ass has to go in the water.

00:51:10.700 What do you have, like, a tub of water?

00:51:12.440 But then here's the other question.

00:51:13.360 When you dunk your dick in it, how do you avoid getting your balls in it, too?

00:51:16.420 You just gotta cup them.

00:51:17.980 What the fuck?

00:51:18.740 But then your fist is gonna get it.

00:51:20.200 Dude, I don't understand.

00:51:21.560 No, no, no, no.

00:51:22.840 That's where he counts for inflation.

00:51:24.180 There is no way to do this.

00:51:26.500 Well, no, there might be.

00:51:27.540 Like, what if you take, like, a, you know, if you take one of those, what do you call it?

00:51:32.740 It's not like a test tube, but it's like one of those, like, cylinders, like a measuring cylinder.

00:51:36.940 A graduated cylinder?

00:51:38.460 Not really a big, a graduated cylinder.

00:51:40.400 Yeah, dude, it's ribbed, man.

00:51:42.900 For your pleasure.

00:51:44.060 Yeah, like, if you just dunk your dick in that, you're not gonna get your balls in it, and then you can measure the displacement that way.

00:51:51.380 I think that's what you should do.

00:51:52.900 Use a graduated cylinder.

00:51:54.400 Now, Jose always says measure from the asshole.

00:51:57.660 So, can you just dunk it all the way?

00:52:02.060 Oh, my God.

00:52:03.040 Well, I'm too high for this, honestly.

00:52:07.640 Me too, me too.

00:52:09.840 So, what's stagflation?

00:52:12.280 Sam ate the Delta variant gummy.

00:52:16.040 Stagflation is when you stick it into 33 degree water and your dick gets bigger.

00:52:19.580 I was just gonna say, it's when your dick inflates and you haven't, like, fucked for a long period of time or something.

00:52:28.100 That's what it is.

00:52:29.400 I don't know.

00:52:30.120 That's usually what happens.

00:52:31.340 I don't know.

00:52:32.060 Oh, all right.

00:52:34.780 Well, it is.

00:52:35.700 It's because of the Fed, man, that we're constantly in a state of stagflation.

00:52:41.780 Now, Sam, I do want to ask you, where does your ass begin and end?

00:52:47.040 I guess it ends at, like, the crown of your ass.

00:52:49.160 Right, like, I thought we were measuring, like, the radius of your ass versus the length of your dick and, like, counting, you know, taking into account the shaft angle.

00:52:56.820 But apparently this is way more complicated.

00:52:58.320 I like this volume thing, though.

00:52:59.600 I really like it because I like the thought of, like, doing, like, how you can make, like, a personal dildo where you, like, put it into, like, a, basically, like, a plaster.

00:53:08.220 So, do that and then fill that with water and you can get a volume of that water and then do it with your ass.

00:53:14.080 True.

00:53:14.420 And then you fill your ass with plaster.

00:53:19.160 And then you, like, take those two things and then take a ratio from that and you have your dick-to-ass ratio based upon, I mean.

00:53:28.900 It's another possible way of doing it.

00:53:30.860 And then you also have this awesome plaster, like, mold of your dick and ass that you can just give to people for gifts.

00:53:36.240 Right.

00:53:36.460 It's pretty awesome.

00:53:37.360 Right.

00:53:37.560 And you know how you go to the orthodontist to get, like, that mold of your mouth or something?

00:53:41.060 Yeah, it's exactly like that.

00:53:42.720 And by the way, I believe that, like, the federal government, I think, like, basically banned, like, in the mid-1900s, orthodontists used to, like, actually send out kits so you could, like, take your own mold of your own mouth.

00:53:56.560 They got rid of that.

00:53:57.340 We should bring that back, man, but we should start a company where we send kits out to make molds of your dick and ass.

00:54:03.220 They do that already.

00:54:05.140 They already do that.

00:54:06.660 Oh.

00:54:07.480 So we're just, like I said, untapped technology.

00:54:09.460 Who's they?

00:54:11.720 They?

00:54:12.720 They?

00:54:13.460 The government?

00:54:14.180 Three parentheses.

00:54:17.580 The Jews send out dick plaster.

00:54:22.580 Also, yes.

00:54:24.680 Why is there a woman?

00:54:27.460 Yeah, you can't do that with your boobs.

00:54:29.920 Why not?

00:54:30.180 It doesn't work the same.

00:54:33.220 I don't see why not.

00:54:35.620 Just do it.

00:54:36.560 Someone asked, I can't remember who it was, what's the woman equivalent of the dick-to-ass ratio?

00:54:42.060 Tick-to-ass, probably.

00:54:43.240 Same thing.

00:54:44.560 No, but it was, it was, someone said, what's the woman equivalent of ass or tits?

00:54:51.700 And they said wallet or bigger wallet.

00:54:55.840 I think it was Cody Brown, which is an awesome follow on Twitter.

00:54:58.620 Sure, I mean, we would definitely create the app.

00:55:03.960 I mean, that would be a great app to have.

00:55:05.700 I mean, just, you take pictures, you send it to us, and we'll figure it out for you, and

00:55:10.600 we'll definitely keep it all confidential.

00:55:12.400 Don't worry about it.

00:55:13.160 We're never gonna.

00:55:15.160 Dude, we even fucked up the name of this thing, too, because apparently it's the AP ratio,

00:55:19.020 the ass-penis ratio, and we keep calling it the dick-to-ass ratio.

00:55:22.300 No, dick-to-ass is better.

00:55:23.480 It sounds funnier, for sure.

00:55:25.860 Assuming this is a reasonable thing to talk about.

00:55:30.140 I mean, you're flipping the ratio, at least, though.

00:55:34.120 Right?

00:55:34.480 Yeah, that doesn't matter.

00:55:35.140 That's true.

00:55:35.360 Do you want a big number or a small number?

00:55:37.240 Right.

00:55:39.040 Well, this is about determining running speed without having to have someone run.

00:55:43.680 What?

00:55:44.200 Science is fake anyway, so.

00:55:45.840 Yeah.

00:55:46.600 It's like physiognomy.

00:55:47.380 Damn dead.

00:55:50.440 Dick-to-ass ratio is a part of astrology.

00:55:52.600 I'm a dick-to-ass Sagittarius.

00:56:00.200 I got dick-to-ass cancer.

00:56:05.060 I'm a dick-to-ass-a-corn.

00:56:09.420 A Sagittarius.

00:56:11.980 Oh, my God.

00:56:14.560 I'm fucking dying.

00:56:16.060 That's a great one.

00:56:17.040 I still don't get what the running speed has to do with any of this, by the way.

00:56:20.380 No, we said running speed.

00:56:22.240 This episode's sponsored, too, by Fume.

00:56:25.180 Use Fume promo code, like, my balls, 30, for a 30% off.

00:56:32.080 Fume and Top Lobster, who made this Josh Smith break the cycle hoodie right here.

00:56:37.280 How are those fumes?

00:56:38.180 Are they actually any good?

00:56:39.220 I heard.

00:56:39.600 What is that?

00:56:40.100 Yeah, they're all right.

00:56:40.860 It's okay.

00:56:41.340 You're just inhaling, like, flavored air.

00:56:43.260 What is it?

00:56:45.020 It's, like, peppermint oil.

00:56:46.880 Oh.

00:56:47.340 In a tube.

00:56:48.660 Why would you do that?

00:56:49.060 It's, like, a really gay vape.

00:56:50.680 It's, like, they have vapes, and they're, like, how can we get any gay out of this?

00:56:54.120 It's a fag for fags.

00:56:56.260 That's what it is.

00:56:57.440 Literally everything you put in your body is supposed to get you fucked up.

00:57:00.460 They have other things besides peppermint, by the way.

00:57:06.320 They have less gay flavors, I'm pretty sure.

00:57:09.360 They got cayenne peppercorn.

00:57:10.980 Habanero.

00:57:13.220 Habanero.

00:57:14.520 They got leftover cop pepper spray flavor.

00:57:18.080 They just, like, take through empty pepper spray cans.

00:57:20.340 They, like, swab the insides.

00:57:22.580 Dude, maybe what you should do is, because I did this on Voice Chat a couple weeks ago,

00:57:26.640 the Pocky One Chip Challenge.

00:57:28.720 I still have, like, six of them left.

00:57:30.460 I could do one of those on a Tower Power Hour and eat the chip right at the beginning.

00:57:34.380 Send me one.

00:57:35.280 Send me one, and we'll do it on the podcast.

00:57:37.100 All right.

00:57:37.400 What are you talking about?

00:57:38.280 What is this?

00:57:39.100 They're stale.

00:57:39.400 They're from 2020 now.

00:57:40.560 It's a single chip that comes in a coffin, and it's made with, like, Carolina Reaper pepper,

00:57:46.740 like, baked into it, and it's, like, covered in the pepper.

00:57:49.840 Okay.

00:57:50.620 And you eat the single chip, and it's extremely hot.

00:57:53.460 But the problem is, like, I mean, I'm fine with, like, the heat.

00:57:56.160 Like, you can get it down.

00:57:57.220 You don't really get it on your face and whatever, and it doesn't taste good at all.

00:58:00.460 It's definitely not pleasant.

00:58:01.680 But then you're, like, you should kind of be fine, like, five minutes later or whatever.

00:58:06.860 And then the problem is, at least for me, because I think I have ulcers, like, a half

00:58:10.120 an hour later, I'm just crippled on the floor.

00:58:12.900 So, I mean, there's a possibility we should do that on this show, but then I'll be, like,

00:58:17.640 I would have been for the last half of the show.

00:58:20.000 So there's the Pocky one chip challenge, and then there's the Pocky masturbation challenge,

00:58:24.100 where, like, you get the dust all over your hands after you eat it, and then you jerk off.

00:58:28.500 Well, that's what people thought, because, dude, it was bad enough that my piss actually

00:58:35.420 burned after I ate it.

00:58:38.140 It must suck for two liters of piss burning.

00:58:41.520 Well, I don't know, because I also fucked a chick with syphilis right before that, too,

00:58:47.900 so I don't know which one it actually was.

00:58:49.560 That's pretty based.

00:58:51.060 No, I'm just kidding.

00:58:53.020 But I don't know if it was that I, like, you know, just from touching, because I've done,

00:58:57.080 like, the Buffalo Wild Wings, like, blazing wings challenge, and it's so much sauce that

00:59:02.100 you, like, can't get it off.

00:59:03.140 It's all over you.

00:59:04.220 And I remember, like, I took a piss after that.

00:59:06.880 Someone put that, that word toad saying, it's so much sauce, you can't get it off.

00:59:10.620 It gets all over your face and your hands.

00:59:15.440 And, dude, I know that I went in, I washed my hands, and then I was like, okay, this should

00:59:19.640 be fine, right?

00:59:20.380 Like, I don't really see any sauce on me anymore, or I had to take a piss.

00:59:23.880 I did, and I still just burned my cock to the point where I couldn't, like, feel it at

00:59:29.060 all.

00:59:29.320 It was just totally numb.

00:59:31.040 So, like, I could have done the reverse stranger there if I wanted to, which is, like, the stranger

00:59:35.160 where you sit on your hand until it goes numb, and then, you know, jerk off, so it's

00:59:38.980 like a stranger is jerking off.

00:59:40.240 Right.

00:59:40.860 But instead, it's where you sit on your dick, so it's like you're jerking off a stranger.

00:59:44.960 I could have done that, but I didn't.

00:59:46.900 But that stuff did make my dick numb, even though I had already washed my hands, so that

00:59:51.960 was great.

00:59:53.600 Dick numb is a great name for a band.

00:59:57.640 Oh, yeah.

00:59:58.120 A great band named Dick numb.

01:00:00.260 And I saw Sausage Party right after that, too, so the movie.

01:00:06.820 It's a nice double entendre of a night there.

01:00:11.760 What were you saying, Sam?

01:00:13.780 I forgot.

01:00:17.380 Something about dick numb.

01:00:19.980 Fucking Delta variant gummy.

01:00:22.660 Damn it.

01:00:24.900 I've only tried regular, like, gummies and edibles.

01:00:28.760 Like, does the Delta H stuff, like, actually, like, is it as good, or is it, like, worse?

01:00:33.100 Is it, like, better?

01:00:34.380 It's pretty good.

01:00:36.620 I don't ever tried that shit at all, either.

01:00:39.580 I've only recently got into, like, smoking weed and shit.

01:00:44.420 Like, I'm kidding, I was like, dude, I used to be straight edge, man.

01:00:49.260 Like, I used to not, like, my wife jokes all the time, because she used to say that whatever

01:00:53.280 we first got together, I was like, I'm never, like, I don't want you ever to drink or ever

01:00:57.620 to, like, smoke or anything.

01:00:58.980 And now we're just, like, I go get cigars and drink and fucking take edibles now.

01:01:02.940 And I'm like, this is pretty fun, actually.

01:01:05.040 I like the way they taste.

01:01:06.960 They taste pretty good.

01:01:08.860 The gummies.

01:01:10.380 Oh, yeah.

01:01:11.500 Oh, yeah, that tastes really good.

01:01:12.820 I wish someone made, like, a candy that was just, like, an edible-flavored candy, but it

01:01:16.880 didn't get you fucked up.

01:01:17.880 Edible-flavored candy.

01:01:18.920 Yeah, but no, like, you know, like, the texture.

01:01:20.460 Oh, there's no, oh.

01:01:22.220 What?

01:01:23.220 It just had that, like, hash taste.

01:01:25.420 Yeah.

01:01:26.120 But, yeah, I got you.

01:01:27.260 You know, like, the texture where it's, like, a really smooth, like, fruit snack, pretty much?

01:01:35.600 And like, like, those, uh, those old, uh, Scooby-Doo, uh, fruit snacks.

01:01:39.900 Yeah, yeah, but they got, like, they got, like, a sour coating on them, kind of like

01:01:43.760 a Sour Patch Kid, but less chewy.

01:01:46.700 If someone just made those as a candy, that'd be pretty good.

01:01:49.880 Yeah, man.

01:01:51.360 It'd be the Sour Power Hour.

01:01:53.480 Sour Power Hour.

01:01:54.480 Yeah, Sour Power Hour.

01:01:57.420 We should have a show where we all take them, even though-

01:01:59.340 I've never, I've never tried the Delta 8, but it looks like it's working.

01:02:03.120 Yeah, it is.

01:02:03.920 My bad, too.

01:02:06.460 Yeah.

01:02:08.360 Just, as I mentioned on, I think, our episode with Drew Hancock and, um, LB, I think, right?

01:02:14.860 Yeah.

01:02:15.340 Uh, Nick and I both talked about, uh, our experiences with pot, which are not very extensive.

01:02:20.920 And I, like, we, I think we both get, like, super paranoid every time we do it.

01:02:24.300 And, like, maybe I just took, like, too much of it, especially when I did edibles.

01:02:28.320 But, you know, that led to pugs swarming me, basically.

01:02:31.960 And I was talking about skull-fucking them.

01:02:33.540 I was skull-fucking the pugs with Drew Hancock.

01:02:36.920 Well, and then, well, and then that same friend, as I mentioned in that other episode, uh, one of her pugs jumped into my face while I was drinking a beer and smashed the bottle into my tooth and broke my tooth.

01:02:47.540 Uh, like, whenever that was, like, I don't know, a couple months ago.

01:02:51.660 That was great.

01:02:52.560 I don't know, because, to me, eating a bunch of edibles and being swarmed by pugs, I'd be like, whoa.

01:02:58.420 This is amazing.

01:03:00.340 Like, that sounds like a fantastic day.

01:03:02.880 Yeah.

01:03:03.280 It's like, it's like, yeah, it's like, what was it, Mitch Hedberg talking about, what, pandas or something?

01:03:07.360 Or what was it, he's like, this is the cutest infestation ever.

01:03:10.920 I don't know.

01:03:13.140 Todd, what was it like going to Porkfest and not being able to drink?

01:03:15.920 Because I know everybody who was there was getting plastered.

01:03:19.380 Uh, everybody was getting plastered and or high.

01:03:22.460 Um, I mean, I thought it was going to be pretty difficult and it wasn't really.

01:03:27.020 I don't know.

01:03:27.480 I mean, like, people don't care, obviously.

01:03:30.340 I mean, it was just like, you kind of get, like, this FOMO type of thing where it's like, you know, I want to be doing this, but I'm not.

01:03:36.920 But I was, I was fine with it.

01:03:38.300 Like, I still had fun, hung out with all these people.

01:03:40.340 Like, it wasn't a big deal, really.

01:03:44.180 Damn.

01:03:44.540 Like, I thought you would just be, like, freaking out.

01:03:46.980 But honestly, you also looked like you had a ton of fun, too, so.

01:03:50.540 Yeah.

01:03:51.360 I mean, yeah.

01:03:52.160 I mean, the toughest part is, yeah, just when you see it all, like, flowing around, you're like, damn, I just want to, like, taste some of this right now.

01:03:58.340 Some of this bourbon and whatever else is going around, but.

01:04:02.360 You can have a cheat day.

01:04:04.160 No.

01:04:05.160 The way I am, I'm definitely not going to be doing that.

01:04:08.660 But, you know, stick to it, so.

01:04:10.380 I did want to, because we've been talking about this, we kind of want to change the name.

01:04:16.760 So, I kind of want to hear from the guest.

01:04:19.440 Should we change our name?

01:04:20.680 Because we, basically, towers are dead.

01:04:23.120 Like, we've done, like, no towers.

01:04:25.500 Oh, I thought you meant you shouldn't be Fat Dave anymore.

01:04:27.860 No, no, no.

01:04:28.620 I'm Fat Dave.

01:04:29.400 Like, that's not going away.

01:04:30.340 No, I'm Fat Dave until I meet Dave.

01:04:32.220 And then I may get rid of Fat Dave, but, which I'm going to meet Fat Dave at Tom Woods 2000, so I'm going to be there and have fun with him there.

01:04:40.600 But, no, of Tower Power Hour, because I.

01:04:43.700 All right.

01:04:44.840 Continue to ride somebody's coattails, man.

01:04:47.060 Yeah, yeah.

01:04:48.780 Well, I'm afraid that if I don't ride someone's coattails.

01:04:50.700 Like, it's, it's also really fun just, like, being Fat Dave, too.

01:04:56.520 Like, it's just a really fun thing to do.

01:04:58.620 It's like, I mean, you had fun with Tom Weeds.

01:05:01.260 It's also fun just to have people message me thinking I'm actually Dave and then having to tell them or either fucking with them or having to tell them I'm not actually Dave.

01:05:09.560 Right, people think you're actually Dave.

01:05:10.760 Oh, that's true, yeah.

01:05:11.740 Oh, yeah.

01:05:12.120 It's happened multiple times.

01:05:13.540 Wait.

01:05:14.320 Well, yeah, and when I talked to Dave, because Dave was, like, kind of wondering.

01:05:16.620 The reason I came on this podcast is because it was with Dave Smith.

01:05:20.140 This is part of the tower.

01:05:29.340 Part of the tower would be.

01:05:31.900 But, no, like, when I talked to Dave, because he was wondering kind of, like, how, like, the hosting is set up on the show.

01:05:37.360 And I was like, yeah, it's kind of a roundtable where you have, like, you know, Nick and Jose kind of, you know, do some hosting on it.

01:05:43.560 Like, kind of rotate in one or the other a lot of times.

01:05:45.820 But it's mostly me and Fat Dave.

01:05:47.840 And he laughed when I said Fat Dave.

01:05:49.360 Hell, yeah.

01:05:52.700 Well, he follows me, but he doesn't do anything.

01:05:55.260 I messaged.

01:05:56.260 I literally DMed him the other day.

01:05:59.040 Because, so we had this thing where I posted, like, send your, like, your best tweet or whatever.

01:06:05.360 Because, like, I just had a thing.

01:06:06.580 I was talking to Bill Barger, and he sent me something.

01:06:09.000 He was like, I think this is my best tweet.

01:06:10.260 And I was like, I'm going to tweet that out and see, like, because I was kind of bored at work.

01:06:13.680 And I was like, send me, like.

01:06:16.640 The answer to this is yes, I am going.

01:06:18.740 I'm Tom Weeds.

01:06:19.780 And yes.

01:06:21.520 But I was like, I'm going to send this out because I bet some people have some fucking bangers.

01:06:25.780 And this one, like, Carol lady that has a book.

01:06:29.660 She's, like, on Fox News and shit.

01:06:30.980 She, like, posted hers.

01:06:32.300 And I was just like, hey, well, you want to come on whole of the problem with Fat Dave, my friend has.

01:06:38.080 And she was just like, yes.

01:06:40.040 And so I messaged Dave.

01:06:43.740 I screenshot.

01:06:44.240 And I said, is this grifting?

01:06:46.020 And he, like, never responded.

01:06:47.460 You should have her on this show.

01:06:52.420 No, we did.

01:06:54.780 So we, like, then I was just like, yeah, she was like, I think it's a joke.

01:06:59.700 And I was like, yeah, it's a joke.

01:07:00.520 But I do have a podcast called Power Hour.

01:07:03.500 And would you want to come on?

01:07:05.460 No, you said you weren't sure if she was, like, degenerate enough or something.

01:07:08.220 Yeah, that's what I said.

01:07:09.040 And she was like, no, I totally am.

01:07:11.340 And I said, well, we talked about, like, dicks and ass and the Federal Reserve.

01:07:15.500 And she was like, that sounds like a normal day.

01:07:16.980 And I was like, all right, let's go.

01:07:19.720 I'm going to have to find her Twitter then.

01:07:22.180 It's Carol Roth.

01:07:24.000 But, like, her Twitter is, like, totally conservative.

01:07:26.720 Like, she's, like, on punch news.

01:07:28.540 Dude, she has 107,000 followers or something.

01:07:31.600 Yeah, she, like, raved in.

01:07:32.960 I don't even know how.

01:07:34.220 Yeah.

01:07:35.260 Oh, she's the one that you said you're going to have on.

01:07:38.200 Yeah.

01:07:38.700 And then, yeah, that's what, yeah.

01:07:40.560 And then Liberty, like, Clint from Liberty Lockpot is having her on next week.

01:07:45.480 And I was just like, well, okay, we're definitely going to do this.

01:07:48.320 And then I said, let's add Chrissy Mayer to this.

01:07:51.100 Because I've been trying to add Chrissy on for fucking, since the beginning of Fat Dave,

01:07:58.820 I messaged her.

01:07:59.940 Because she followed me.

01:08:00.740 And I was like, hey, you want to come on?

01:08:01.620 She's like, yeah, sure.

01:08:02.600 And I was just like, and then it never happened.

01:08:05.220 But, yeah, we just have to, because she's busy on Mondays, so, which is when we usually

01:08:09.520 do the show.

01:08:10.120 So, we just have to get it scheduled.

01:08:12.160 I think she'll do it.

01:08:13.180 I hope.

01:08:14.380 Wait, today's a Wednesday.

01:08:15.760 It'll be awesome.

01:08:16.360 I know.

01:08:16.940 Whoa, really?

01:08:17.800 Is it?

01:08:18.240 You sure?

01:08:21.060 Seems like, right now, I'm just flowing through time.

01:08:23.840 I'm literally just all over the place.

01:08:26.320 Dude, I'm not even, I didn't even eat that many of them.

01:08:28.660 I ate, like, half of one.

01:08:29.740 But they were, like, 25 milligram gummies, I think.

01:08:32.700 Dude, I ate a 300 milligram cookie.

01:08:36.220 Yeah, okay.

01:08:36.840 I don't do it a lot.

01:08:40.040 So, as far as the.

01:08:42.000 I'm probably that high.

01:08:43.000 It's just, like, it just took more.

01:08:48.180 You're on, like, Joey Diaz levels, dude, now.

01:08:50.740 That's like.

01:08:51.660 Yeah.

01:08:53.840 I mean, I'm saying we don't change the name of the show, by the way, but.

01:08:57.280 Oh, okay.

01:08:57.780 I didn't know.

01:08:58.160 Like, I've had people say to definitely change it, because there's no more towers

01:09:02.620 anymore.

01:09:03.320 Well, I don't know what Sam and Tet think.

01:09:05.640 I don't care.

01:09:06.500 I'm glad there's no towers, though.

01:09:08.980 It kind of got annoying after a while, when, like, your phone would just blow up with people

01:09:13.520 replying, like.

01:09:16.060 I mean.

01:09:17.020 Okay.

01:09:18.860 I'm going to be real.

01:09:19.880 As soon as, like, motherfuckers with, like, limited accounts, or, like, there was, like,

01:09:26.780 multiple posts of the same letter, and, like, or just sloppy deletions.

01:09:33.200 It was impossible to control, which was, like, a good thing.

01:09:37.040 Oh, yeah.

01:09:38.100 But, um.

01:09:40.260 Yeah, it just got, like, unbearable.

01:09:42.580 Dude, I saw.

01:09:43.120 I'm, like, really fucking baked.

01:09:45.060 No, you're fine.

01:09:45.740 I'm going to keep it real.

01:09:48.100 Towers get gay quick.

01:09:49.940 Well, I saw the other day, and I sent it to you.

01:09:52.580 Pod has awesome artwork, though.

01:09:54.460 I mean, towers are all, they were gay all the time.

01:09:57.140 They're just big letter penises, man.

01:09:59.300 Like.

01:10:00.840 Well, we, uh, I sent the other day, like, some fucking Bitcoiners, uh, did a tower.

01:10:06.780 They did a tower the other day, like, literally last week, or, like, a couple days ago.

01:10:11.680 Oh, what does it say?

01:10:12.420 There's, uh, something about your poor.

01:10:15.780 What's the one we always did that was, like, um.

01:10:18.480 Have fun staying poor.

01:10:19.340 Have fun staying poor.

01:10:20.340 Have fun staying poor.

01:10:21.800 And they, like, did it.

01:10:22.840 And I never seen any of these people before, ever.

01:10:25.020 So I was, like, okay, I guess towers are, like.

01:10:26.840 That's interesting.

01:10:28.080 Yeah, that and, like, enemy of the people.

01:10:29.980 That's, like, the best outcome of it.

01:10:32.060 Yeah, it's, like, yeah, it's, like, other people are picking it up.

01:10:34.620 Right.

01:10:34.940 It becomes this fucking tactic people can use.

01:10:37.700 Right.

01:10:37.980 Rather than this thing, like, I don't know.

01:10:43.420 Because we were trying.

01:10:44.160 Liberate people do.

01:10:45.400 Yeah, we were literally trying to do it, like, to, like, just literally get at people and just, like, ratio, you know.

01:10:52.520 It was, like, a good cause.

01:10:53.940 Like, ratio blue checks.

01:10:55.360 Make them, like, we did, like, I think Tet was on a bunch of them where they fucking, uh, like, privated their account and shit, which is awesome.

01:11:04.160 Yeah, Teresa Duvall.

01:11:05.780 Yeah.

01:11:06.200 Yeah, Tessa Duvall, yeah.

01:11:08.200 Tessa, yeah, Tessa Duvall, yeah.

01:11:10.740 Yeah.

01:11:11.220 That was, like, the original one, like, we fucking towered her.

01:11:14.960 Um, cause she, there was, like, some fucking boog boy dude who, like, shot at a car and, like, got arrested for that, which is based.

01:11:26.260 Yeah.

01:11:27.080 And, um.

01:11:27.700 Magnus being based again.

01:11:29.400 Yeah.

01:11:29.600 Shot at a cop car, right?

01:11:33.040 I don't fucking know.

01:11:33.940 I don't know any of the details.

01:11:35.040 I just know that she, like, was posting about, like, him being, like, some sort of far-right extremist or something.

01:11:40.400 Which, like, dude, he was at a fucking Black Lives Matter protest.

01:11:43.960 But anyway.

01:11:44.780 Oh, I thought she was doxing some, like, January 6th people.

01:11:48.320 Oh, maybe.

01:11:49.460 I don't know, but that's why we were on her originally, anyway.

01:11:52.660 Yeah.

01:11:53.480 Was because of that.

01:11:55.320 And, um.

01:11:56.860 Yeah, she sucks.

01:11:57.540 Anyway, I'm fucking really stoned now.

01:11:59.600 Like, Ted, do you, do you tweet better, like, because you have some bangers, like, all the fucking time.

01:12:07.520 Uh, do you tweet better when you're high or not high?

01:12:09.500 Or drunk?

01:12:10.100 Like, what's your thing?

01:12:10.880 Okay, my two peak tweet times is during my morning shit.

01:12:16.980 During which I, during which I have a boner because I'm straight.

01:12:23.000 The tweets.

01:12:24.740 And then, yeah, like, at night when I've had, like, usually two to three hundred milligrams,

01:12:29.600 milligrams of, of THC.

01:12:32.280 And.

01:12:32.720 Hell yeah.

01:12:33.560 Several shitty beers.

01:12:36.660 Dude, I do, like, all of my tweeting, like, in the morning also.

01:12:39.960 I don't know what it is.

01:12:41.000 But, like, I just, I, I always tweet in the morning and I never tweet on weekends.

01:12:45.180 It's just something I just, I just don't, like, I get to work and I'm, like, kind of chilling there.

01:12:49.940 And I'm just kind of like, oh, this is kind of funny.

01:12:52.540 And, like, I just put it out.

01:12:53.920 But, like.

01:12:54.420 Cole is admitting that he only tweets, you know, while working.

01:12:59.140 I pretty much just get paid to tweet.

01:13:04.820 Yeah, exactly.

01:13:05.800 Like, I have an office and I have to be there.

01:13:09.540 But.

01:13:10.060 Me too.

01:13:11.000 I did all sorts.

01:13:11.320 That's, like, pretty much the extent of my job responsibilities.

01:13:15.640 Yeah.

01:13:16.040 I mean.

01:13:16.240 It kind of makes sense.

01:13:18.780 Physically being there.

01:13:20.100 Right, because you're at a computer.

01:13:21.440 So, it kind of makes sense that you're at a computer and you just kind of do it at the same time.

01:13:25.360 Oh, I do not tweet from a computer.

01:13:26.940 I tweet from a computer.

01:13:27.240 Fuck no.

01:13:27.720 I would never.

01:13:28.180 I would never.

01:13:28.980 Oh, no.

01:13:29.500 What the fuck are you talking about?

01:13:31.700 Dude, I'm working remotely most of the time.

01:13:34.280 I don't know what you're talking about.

01:13:35.060 Oh, no, man.

01:13:36.940 I would lose my job instantaneously.

01:13:40.860 Oh, okay.

01:13:42.400 Especially if your feed.

01:13:43.460 Yeah, you pull up your Twitter feed and it's all, like, OnlyFans.

01:13:46.020 Or OnlyFans dudes.

01:13:51.300 Yes, OnlyFans dudes.

01:13:53.700 While he's shitting with a boner on the toilet.

01:13:56.840 In the port-a-potty at work.

01:13:58.920 We have taste.

01:14:01.700 Yeah, I mean.

01:14:02.960 I mean, I think the peak tweet times are kind of, like, anyway, like, when you get the most interaction,

01:14:07.440 I think it's kind of, like, sort of, like, late morning on the East Coast and then, like,

01:14:12.180 evening on the East Coast seem to be, like, the better times.

01:14:14.620 I don't know.

01:14:15.340 I don't know.

01:14:15.720 I don't know or care.

01:14:18.120 No, it's just, like, I hate waking up, like, so, like, I'll have something.

01:14:22.360 If I tweet, like, mid-afternoon or night and I wake up in the morning to, like, fucking

01:14:26.260 hundreds of, like, fucking notifications, I'm like, Jesus Christ, like, what are y'all

01:14:30.140 doing at two in the morning?

01:14:31.880 When that shit happens to me, I just literally don't read them.

01:14:35.940 I can't help it.

01:14:37.100 Like, I literally don't read.

01:14:37.520 Look, I'm sorry if there were some homies in there.

01:14:41.720 I'm not reading any of this.

01:14:43.980 None of it.

01:14:44.580 Oh, man.

01:14:48.160 I'll at least go to my mentions and, like, look at my mentions, at least.

01:14:51.120 Shouldn't be me.

01:14:54.060 But sort of, like, I was going to say just, like, the main reason why I wanted to just

01:14:58.200 keep the name of the show is because it's basically the Tower Gang podcast and we have, like, a brand

01:15:03.500 kind of right now.

01:15:04.320 So it's just, like, yeah.

01:15:06.440 Don't do Towers anymore or talk about them or fucking.

01:15:10.660 Well, dude, the guys from Slurp Gang, I mean, well, maybe they do, but I don't think that

01:15:15.260 they, like, Slurp Cum or whatever.

01:15:16.820 Maybe they do.

01:15:18.000 I don't know.

01:15:20.400 Ace is just Slurping Cum.

01:15:21.940 And Timeline Earth changed their name from FagCast, and FagCast was a way better name.

01:15:27.180 That's true.

01:15:28.520 FagCast was actually pretty big, wasn't it?

01:15:30.160 FagCast was, like...

01:15:31.000 Yeah.

01:15:31.180 I remember, because I remember hearing about that before I was even on Twitter.

01:15:35.920 I heard about FagCast.

01:15:37.120 I have, like, seen their shit on, like, Instagram.

01:15:40.040 Like, people would be like, we're going on FagCast.

01:15:41.940 I was like, that's a pretty funny name for a podcast, and I never launched it.

01:15:45.200 I'm going to be real with y'all.

01:15:46.720 I have never listened to a podcast I was not on.

01:15:51.420 That's pretty based.

01:15:54.300 That's actually not true.

01:15:55.200 That's part of the problem.

01:15:56.440 I was going to say, Adam, I don't know how to talk.

01:15:58.400 He was like, I'm on Joe Rogan.

01:16:02.120 I was on Joe Rogan, so I listen to it all the time.

01:16:03.760 No, but, like, I've never listened to part of the problem.

01:16:07.780 Really?

01:16:08.320 Okay.

01:16:08.760 I literally don't care that Dave Smith exists.

01:16:12.980 It has no relevance in my life.

01:16:16.800 He is no different to me in my worldview than Joe Biden.

01:16:20.780 Sorry.

01:16:22.620 COVID seeth.

01:16:24.600 Jesus.

01:16:25.040 Ted is going so hard in the paint right now.

01:16:31.420 Wow, man.

01:16:33.700 I feel like Jose might be on board with this.

01:16:39.960 We went this whole time, and, like, I don't even know what Ted or Sam, I mean, I guess they're libertarians, but I have no clue besides, like, what they would even subscribe to as, like, the type of libertarian they are.

01:16:52.980 I just love that it's been just – we're just joking of being retarded this whole time.

01:16:57.500 Just anarchists of some kind?

01:16:59.520 I don't know.

01:17:00.240 You know what it would take to get me to join the libertarian party?

01:17:05.480 Like –

01:17:06.160 Day orgies?

01:17:06.960 I don't know.

01:17:07.560 There's so many things I could –

01:17:08.760 KGB supplied with.

01:17:11.260 A bank robbery would be good.

01:17:15.160 Free blumpkins.

01:17:17.040 A black metal-style murder.

01:17:25.120 Like, there's things that could get me on board, man.

01:17:29.280 I just – I don't know.

01:17:30.900 I don't feel like y'all are up to it.

01:17:32.340 Sorry.

01:17:36.160 I'm fucked up, man.

01:17:37.280 I still haven't – I haven't listened to one Slurp Gang or not a podcast or Timeline Earth.

01:17:50.400 I haven't listened to any of those.

01:17:51.340 Like, the only ones I listen – like, yeah, I just – I – now, the only reason I listen

01:17:56.180 to a Slurp Gang is because they have me blocked.

01:17:58.740 I can't fuck them.

01:18:00.060 Fuck you.

01:18:00.600 I'm not going to listen to your dumb ass podcast.

01:18:01.880 For the most part, I like all those people, but I definitely don't listen to their fucking

01:18:04.400 show.

01:18:05.360 Yeah.

01:18:07.280 I've listened to a couple of their episodes.

01:18:09.880 I've listened to – I've listened to a few episodes of, yeah, all of those shows.

01:18:12.940 The one – the thing about Timeline, or, like, back – I used to listen – I listened

01:18:15.920 to it back when it was FagCast, and I tried to start, like, I don't know, probably 20 episodes

01:18:21.440 in or so, and it was all self-referential, and I'm like, I'm going to have to listen to

01:18:25.880 at least, yeah, 20 episodes or whatever just to figure out what the fuck they're talking

01:18:29.540 about, and I'm like, I don't got time for that.

01:18:31.880 Oh, that's what – someone in the chat said I'm going to post-write ANCOM.

01:18:38.960 You're right.

01:18:43.620 This is going to be the ANCOM podcast.

01:18:45.560 We're just going to change it to –

01:18:46.840 Wait, yeah, that's – you guys should change it to ANCOM Power Hour.

01:18:54.640 I don't know.

01:18:55.200 What's the ANCOM equivalent of a tower?

01:18:58.220 I don't fucking know.

01:18:59.440 A commune.

01:19:00.260 A commune power hour.

01:19:02.840 We only build one story high.

01:19:04.480 Yeah, and then it just goes out wide.

01:19:06.600 It's just really – horizontal hierarchy.

01:19:10.480 Yeah.

01:19:11.820 I don't even know if it would be a story.

01:19:13.760 It'd be more just, like, some fields with some stuff planted in them.

01:19:17.400 I don't really know.

01:19:18.600 It'd be, like, some tents.

01:19:19.980 Personally, I fuck with some ANCOMs, but, yeah.

01:19:22.720 I'm not trusting them to build a structure.

01:19:26.120 Only the –

01:19:26.780 Only the Macnavists and the guys in Mexico.

01:19:33.600 Easy LN.

01:19:34.800 What are you talking about, Sam?

01:19:36.500 Just talking about ANCOMs.

01:19:38.380 Oh, okay.

01:19:39.260 Does anybody have thoughts on that – what was it?

01:19:45.080 An apartment building or a condo building that collapsed in the –

01:19:48.480 I don't know.

01:19:48.960 Yo, I saw that.

01:19:51.980 Oh, that's it?

01:19:52.980 I was sorry.

01:19:55.800 I saw that.

01:19:57.240 No, it was, like, my initial thought was, like, haha, condo building collapsed.

01:20:02.640 But I saw 11 people died or whatever.

01:20:04.340 I was like, oh, that sucks.

01:20:06.820 Wait, I do want to touch on it real quick.

01:20:10.380 Your fucking post today of Virgin American Soldier.

01:20:18.780 I missed that one.

01:20:20.620 You bet, dude.

01:20:21.260 It was so – you need to go find it because I retweeted it because it was, like,

01:20:24.440 Virgin American Soldier, and then there was – he just posted a –

01:20:28.480 There was a news on the court.

01:20:30.340 The news headline is saying, Chad terrorist.

01:20:33.400 Oh, I saw – I did see that.

01:20:34.860 I saw that.

01:20:35.560 I saw that.

01:20:36.120 That was good.

01:20:36.520 Chad suicide bomber.

01:20:37.740 Yeah.

01:20:39.260 I think – I might have retweeted that too.

01:20:41.420 That was good.

01:20:41.960 I did see that.

01:20:42.540 Somebody fucking made an image edit of the Giga Chad wearing a suicide vest.

01:20:48.380 It's a unicorn daddy who, like, posted it in a group chat.

01:20:51.740 That shit is hilarious.

01:20:52.720 Like, I posted that too at some point.

01:20:55.260 But, yeah, it's like the Giga Chad dude wearing a fucking suicide vest.

01:20:58.900 That is the Chad suicide bomber.

01:21:02.180 Dude, unicorn daddy is one of my favorite followers.

01:21:04.680 He's such a funny dude.

01:21:06.260 He is.

01:21:06.900 He's so insane.

01:21:09.500 Unicorn daddy is doing more meaningful work than the Libertarian Party.

01:21:15.320 100%.

01:21:15.760 He is.

01:21:16.100 But then all of his – like, his tweets, I think, are just all get, like,

01:21:19.460 underrated because everybody knows him for his ass.

01:21:21.820 Yeah, you know, he's actually, like, a really smart dude.

01:21:23.840 Right.

01:21:24.560 Like, yeah.

01:21:25.720 Like, yeah.

01:21:27.640 Today – so, if you go – there's a bunch of tweets that he did today that are

01:21:31.160 just super weird.

01:21:32.460 I was in a group chat with him, and he was just tweeting everything we were

01:21:35.980 saying to him.

01:21:36.740 It didn't matter what it was.

01:21:37.920 He was just, like, tweeting.

01:21:39.720 It was so funny just in there.

01:21:41.400 But he was just, like, Claire, because I think he said something about, like, Claire, who's

01:21:48.480 also another great shitposter and fucking parody on Twitter, said something, and he

01:21:54.820 was like, I'm going to steal that.

01:21:55.860 And she was like, IP is faking gay.

01:21:57.920 And so he was like, all right.

01:21:59.400 And then he just, like, everything we said.

01:22:02.140 Yeah.

01:22:02.860 He also has a great ass, too.

01:22:04.880 Yeah.

01:22:05.820 No doubt.

01:22:06.380 No, it would be gay to not like his ass.

01:22:11.620 I have his ass on my phone.

01:22:13.780 I have so many pictures of that man's ass on my phone.

01:22:17.300 Yeah.

01:22:17.600 I have at least one because it's one of the Tower Gang spam.

01:22:24.960 It's just – it's so good just to put on – if someone says something dumb, just put

01:22:29.400 his ass on it.

01:22:31.800 And I think people have, like, used it, like, people that don't follow him or know who

01:22:36.300 he is are posting his ass on things.

01:22:39.420 It's definitely out there.

01:22:40.740 I've 100% seen, like, people, just random people posting it on something that he definitely

01:22:45.840 did not on.

01:22:46.040 Did you see that he is auctioning the man – I don't know what the fuck he called it.

01:22:50.900 That bikini thing, the mankini or whatever.

01:22:52.680 It's a mankini.

01:22:53.580 Yeah.

01:22:53.620 It's like the Borat thing.

01:22:55.760 Yeah.

01:22:56.260 He's auctioning that.

01:22:58.120 And then he also just – the other day just starts a random girls –

01:23:03.000 Me too, Danny girl.

01:23:04.480 He starts a Twitter of a girl and gets, like, 5,000 likes and, like, hundreds of retweets

01:23:12.640 off of one post of him in a wig and a gun and a tweet.

01:23:17.860 I believe it's a Karen Ann Harlow's wig, I believe.

01:23:21.560 I had somebody –

01:23:23.300 It's pink hair.

01:23:24.500 I don't know.

01:23:24.880 No, I got a DM, like, hey, you're following this person.

01:23:28.620 It's not a fed, right?

01:23:30.320 And I was like, that is literally Unicorn Daddy.

01:23:35.680 Like, how do you not notice?

01:23:37.300 Right.

01:23:37.680 Yeah.

01:23:39.180 It's like somebody was following him too, you know?

01:23:41.900 It's like –

01:23:42.900 What the fucking thing?

01:23:43.480 The name of it is NPC Liberty Thought.

01:23:46.240 Yeah.

01:23:47.000 It's the name.

01:23:48.620 Like, you are so retarded.

01:23:50.320 Like, everybody that thought it was real is so retarded.

01:23:54.920 And I think – as far as I – like, as far as I've seen, I think Unicorn Daddy and I are the only two people on Liberty Twitter

01:24:01.900 have posted images of themselves with – like, completely naked with just something covering their junk.

01:24:09.520 Very libertarian.

01:24:10.540 I went with a copy of Human Action, and he went with, like, an AR or something.

01:24:15.200 Toad, I promise you, there are a lot more people, a lot of libertarians that have posted nudity online.

01:24:20.160 I remember when Toad did that, though.

01:24:22.420 Respect.

01:24:23.320 Man, you're just covering their junk, though?

01:24:25.320 I don't know.

01:24:25.920 Oh, maybe not men.

01:24:27.320 Yeah.

01:24:27.620 Maybe some men.

01:24:31.040 You got to pay for their OnlyFans, though.

01:24:33.320 We just give it away for free.

01:24:35.400 You had to give that one to Toad, though.

01:24:37.500 Do they even use this as deck of the cover-up?

01:24:44.500 The fume?

01:24:47.340 That's your nickname for your dick, Sam.

01:24:53.800 Dude, I bet Unicorn Daddy would make a pretty penny off of OnlyFans.

01:24:58.700 Oh, yeah.

01:25:00.800 For sure.

01:25:02.040 Yeah, I don't know anyone who would subscribe to that.

01:25:04.400 Not me.

01:25:06.080 Not me.

01:25:08.220 Not me, nigga.

01:25:09.060 Not me.

01:25:11.540 I mean, I might.

01:25:13.680 I don't know.

01:25:14.100 I subscribe to Dave Smith's OnlyFans, so I don't know.

01:25:19.420 Dave Smith was on MeWe before he was on OnlyFans before he was on MeWe.

01:25:23.820 Oh, yeah.

01:25:24.760 Yeah, he was.

01:25:25.560 At least before he got into the MeWe inner circle group.

01:25:31.980 I didn't get into that, even though I know, I guess that one guy, is it Popular Liberty

01:25:37.720 that actually runs it?

01:25:39.540 Yes, I believe so.

01:25:40.960 I'm going to try to get in there without being subscribed to Gas Digital.

01:25:45.000 Fucking.

01:25:45.780 Yeah.

01:25:46.200 Just sneak in and then be fat Dave.

01:25:48.100 And he was, like, he was, like, really, like, it seemed like he was, like, really shitting

01:25:52.160 on Dave, too, for not having joined the group.

01:25:54.220 And I'm like, I don't know if he's being serious or not.

01:25:56.440 I'm like, I don't want to get involved in this.

01:25:57.460 He was 100% shitting on Dave, and then Dave was like, okay, I'll join.

01:26:01.620 Jeez.

01:26:02.060 Well, I mean, part of it was also, like, you said you listened to the part of the problem

01:26:05.700 for the more expensive.

01:26:06.360 Yeah, someone asked how I'm there.

01:26:07.680 Top Lobster.

01:26:08.600 Top Lobster did, yeah.

01:26:09.420 Top Lobster asked him, yeah.

01:26:12.940 So.

01:26:14.060 Well, it's getting late, and I know all you fuckers are fucking baked as hell, so.

01:26:19.640 Top Lobster, when is the Tet and Allie portrait coming?

01:26:24.280 What the fuck?

01:26:25.440 Yeah, what the fuck?

01:26:26.700 He's got to get on, then.

01:26:29.340 Dude, I wanted to do a...

01:26:30.260 That just came up in a thread, and I'm really fucked up and thought about it.

01:26:32.780 I want him to do a Fat Dave portrait.

01:26:35.120 When's that going to happen?

01:26:36.580 I want...

01:26:38.420 Well, because I...

01:26:39.160 So I asked people, like, I've asked, like, Josh.

01:26:41.480 I've asked, like, Reed.

01:26:42.220 I'd be like, hey, can I come...

01:26:43.140 Like, I'll come on your show.

01:26:44.440 And they were like, well, can you, like, be Fat Dave?

01:26:47.260 I'm like, no, I can't.

01:26:48.340 Like, I'm not going to...

01:26:49.500 I can't, like...

01:26:51.120 You could do it, just not do video.

01:26:53.520 And be like, yes, I am.

01:26:54.840 I am, in fact, Dave Smith, if he was fat.

01:26:57.220 Well, yeah, you'd have to use some sort of DJ technology or something.

01:27:03.500 No, I could literally just, like, no video.

01:27:05.660 Just be like, I'm sorry.

01:27:06.840 Like, I literally can't fit my whole body inside of the camera right now.

01:27:11.320 It's like, I'm close to, like, one of your nipples or something.

01:27:13.720 Yeah, that's what you should do.

01:27:15.520 You should do...

01:27:16.220 No, you should...

01:27:16.740 It shouldn't, like, just be an image of, like, some fat dude's chest or something

01:27:20.320 to just zoom way in on it.

01:27:22.400 Like, look, I ate the camera.

01:27:24.220 My bad.

01:27:28.300 That's definitely what it should be.

01:27:29.540 And then I won't be the only person who's appeared shirtless on Break the Cycle.

01:27:33.820 But you were shirtless on Break the Cycle?

01:27:35.460 I didn't realize that.

01:27:36.200 You were on a really early Break the Cycle, so I didn't watch it then.

01:27:40.120 Yeah.

01:27:40.600 That's actually the only ones I watched.

01:27:42.640 It was the really only ones I watched.

01:27:45.240 Well, I was ace, so nobody realized it.

01:27:47.540 But I'm pretty sure people will make the connection because, you know, this gay-ass gamer chair here.

01:27:52.760 Gay gamer chair.

01:27:53.560 Why were you ace?

01:27:54.680 Whoa, Toad, I just realized how whack your chair is.

01:27:59.380 Why was I on Break the Cycle?

01:28:01.020 I don't know, because...

01:28:01.660 No, no, why were you ace?

01:28:04.040 Oh, why was I ace?

01:28:05.120 It was a thing, man.

01:28:06.300 It was a thing.

01:28:06.900 We were all ace.

01:28:08.080 Oh, that was, like, the thing where, uh, on that neocons show.

01:28:12.480 No, no, uh, El Pupo went on, uh, Kevin Cassidy.

01:28:16.200 El Pupo went on, man.

01:28:18.260 That shit was so funny.

01:28:20.180 You just called him El Pupo?

01:28:21.400 Yeah, whatever, fuck it.

01:28:23.080 I don't know.

01:28:23.280 Yeah, you did.

01:28:24.020 El Pupo.

01:28:25.240 El Pupo.

01:28:26.700 Time to make a parody of El Pupo.

01:28:28.160 What the fuck is El Pupo?

01:28:30.040 Dude, he's that...

01:28:31.320 He's a dude that, like, really loves to shit a boner.

01:28:34.340 Yeah, yeah.

01:28:37.280 El Pupo.

01:28:38.000 Yeah, make a fucking parody account.

01:28:41.280 El Pupo.

01:28:44.320 I would get...

01:28:45.440 It would get immediately blocked by El Pupo.

01:28:47.460 He would be so...

01:28:48.280 He would be like, fuck this guy.

01:28:53.000 Oh, God.

01:28:55.140 Well, this is really fun, guys.

01:28:58.980 We're, like, an hour and a half in here.

01:29:00.820 Y'all are baked as hell.

01:29:03.260 That's what it's so fucking bad.

01:29:05.820 Not gonna lie.

01:29:06.820 So...

01:29:07.260 You come...

01:29:09.220 Like, Unironic has also been on before,

01:29:11.720 and he was also baked as hell,

01:29:13.360 and he's asked us, he's like,

01:29:14.480 hey, can I come on again when I'm not,

01:29:16.000 when I'm sober, so I don't...

01:29:17.640 No, no, I don't want to do that at all.

01:29:19.520 No, I know you don't, but...

01:29:21.060 I would come back on high, though.

01:29:22.940 I think he was sober the last time he was on.

01:29:26.220 He's been on twice?

01:29:27.360 Yeah.

01:29:28.560 Oh, I thought he was only on one...

01:29:29.700 Oh, I think he came on.

01:29:30.700 Oh, I know, I know.

01:29:31.480 But the first time he came on with El Pupo,

01:29:34.120 he came on...

01:29:34.780 He doesn't even remember.

01:29:36.000 I know.

01:29:37.920 Maybe you weren't on that episode.

01:29:39.380 I don't remember.

01:29:39.740 I wasn't on the episode, and I haven't watched it.

01:29:43.280 It was...

01:29:44.080 Yeah.

01:29:44.580 I only...

01:29:45.380 I don't watch the ones I'm not on.

01:29:47.280 So, basically, I'm like Ted.

01:29:48.640 I don't watch any podcasts that I'm not currently on.

01:29:51.820 It was with...

01:29:52.920 It was with...

01:29:53.920 El Pupo.

01:29:55.680 No, no, no.

01:29:56.460 He was on another...

01:29:57.460 El Pupo.

01:29:57.600 Unironic was on a second episode.

01:29:59.160 It was with Eric...

01:30:00.320 Eric the Red and Clint, I think,

01:30:03.420 from Liberty Lockdown.

01:30:04.360 I think we're on that one.

01:30:06.600 And Rogue showed up, I thought, too, didn't he?

01:30:08.140 Was that the one with Rogue?

01:30:08.860 No.

01:30:10.640 Rogue was on with Reed Coverdale and Quincy Johnson.

01:30:14.560 All right.

01:30:14.800 I'm retarded.

01:30:16.720 I'll admit, I'm kind of retarded.

01:30:19.700 We're all retarded, man.

01:30:21.000 It's all right.

01:30:22.580 I am.

01:30:22.960 At least, yeah.

01:30:24.620 We're all on the spectrum, I'll tell you that.

01:30:27.520 Yeah.

01:30:30.940 I'm so autistic, I'm off the spectrum, all right?

01:30:33.340 I transcend the spectrum.

01:30:37.460 That's exactly.

01:30:39.020 He has changed the spectrum's Overton window.

01:30:45.280 That's a great tweet.

01:30:46.780 He has post-right autism.

01:30:48.600 Yeah.

01:30:48.960 Post-right autism.

01:30:50.720 Don't try.

01:30:54.040 Tatt, where can people find you at, man?

01:30:55.480 Uh, for now, I am.

01:31:00.260 Until you get banned again.

01:31:02.580 Yeah.

01:31:03.180 Uh, for now, I am at Tetsuicide, T-E-T-T-Suicide on Twitter, and at Tetsui77 on Instagram.

01:31:13.900 If I get banned, I usually post on there.

01:31:17.740 That's how you can, like, know it's me.

01:31:21.080 But I will be banned soon again.

01:31:24.720 Well, you will return again and let people know that it's you, so.

01:31:28.620 I am the Hydra.

01:31:30.320 That's right.

01:31:34.660 Sam, where can people find you at, man?

01:31:37.940 Anarchobush on Twitter.

01:31:39.880 That's anarchobush, like, the former president.

01:31:44.900 Oh, I thought it was because you don't know how to manscape.

01:31:50.220 Yeah, he has an anarcho-bush.

01:31:53.420 It fucks up when he's trying to measure his dick-to-ass ratio.

01:31:58.200 You're still changing yourself, man.

01:32:01.240 Or maybe, actually, no, because you're using water display, so you're probably getting a higher...

01:32:05.260 Yeah, exactly.

01:32:06.180 Your cubes are just...

01:32:08.180 Dude.

01:32:13.900 Oh, man.

01:32:15.220 His pubes are like, you do not speak for me.

01:32:20.340 Fucking pube democracy.

01:32:24.620 Oh, God.

01:32:25.420 Fuck it out.

01:32:27.300 Oh, God.

01:32:27.900 Fuck, man.

01:32:29.740 Oh, God.

01:32:30.620 No clippers.

01:32:36.320 Oh, man.

01:32:36.900 Oh, God.

01:32:37.800 The cuss is so great.

01:32:39.180 Toad, you're an anarcho-toad.

01:32:42.780 I am.

01:32:43.440 I'm Dave.

01:32:44.200 Yeah.

01:32:44.620 This has been the Tower Power Hour, episode 17.

01:32:47.300 We had a lot of fun with Sam and Ted.

01:32:49.440 Hell, yeah.

01:32:49.800 Definitely going to have...

01:32:50.620 Next week, I think we have on...

01:32:52.700 Pete and Aaron are coming on next week, which is going to be really fun.

01:32:55.200 Then the next week after that, we might be having Bite the Bullet come on, so...

01:33:02.440 The Bite the Bullet, guys.

01:33:03.380 Well, we'll see.

01:33:03.900 We have a lot of people that we want to...

01:33:05.360 We have a lot of people asking.

01:33:06.400 Yeah, like, we're finally getting to where we're actually scheduling more than a day out.

01:33:12.240 No, we're still not, really, but...

01:33:14.180 You asked me literally yesterday.

01:33:17.900 I asked Sam yesterday, so, yeah, we're literally not, but...

01:33:21.840 Well, I messaged you, like, last week, but I was, like...

01:33:25.480 True, true, true.

01:33:27.180 But I didn't remember it.

01:33:33.020 Oh, my God.

01:33:34.840 It was great, guys.

01:33:36.120 Have a good night.

Tower Gang - July 20, 2021

Ep 17 - Shitting a Boner w⧸ Tettsui & Sam

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