Tower Gang - Ep 49 - Smoke Yourself R＊tarded w⧸ Cripp Daddy

00:00:00.460 What's up, retards? 1.00

00:00:01.980 The funniest 9-11 jokes were written on 9-12. 1.00

00:00:04.640 Women jerk off dicks like fucking they're an unruly ferret. 1.00

00:00:07.720 Yeah. 1.00

00:00:08.600 You ever had a 9-11 cocktail?

00:00:11.720 It's in Manhattan with two kamikazes. 0.97

00:00:13.860 Come in now.

00:00:15.800 You see, the socialists don't have an accurate answer for this, and she needs to account for it. 0.96

00:00:20.780 White women must be stopped. 1.00

00:00:22.780 That's right. 0.99

00:00:23.840 Yeah. 0.99

00:00:25.940 We can stay horny and retarded longer than she can stay sane. 1.00

00:00:30.000 Your ass-to-penis ratio. 1.00

00:00:33.040 Ben, maybe you could say we had sex, but we didn't fuck. 1.00

00:00:35.480 You said n***er. 1.00

00:00:36.460 Oh, Jesus. 0.99

00:00:37.720 Free! 1.00

00:00:39.360 Fat Dave, fuck you, man. 1.00

00:00:41.120 Free! 1.00

00:00:42.080 Free!

00:00:46.080 Welcome, everybody, to another special episode of Tower Power Hour.

00:00:49.480 Today we have our normal crew.

00:00:51.400 We got the big TOAD in the building.

00:00:53.920 How you living?

00:00:55.600 I'm doing all right. 0.98

00:00:57.980 I'm fucked, actually, because I'm in Boston. 0.97

00:01:00.160 But other than that... 0.99

00:01:01.380 I shouldn't have asked any questions.

00:01:02.980 Let's go around.

00:01:04.000 We got Jose Galasson, a.k.a.

00:01:06.380 No Way Jose, the most dangerous man on the internet.

00:01:09.160 Welcome aboard, sir.

00:01:10.240 We got Reid Coverdale of The Naturalist Capitalist.

00:01:12.760 I will be on his show in an hour.

00:01:14.440 We got the fattest man in show business, King Cole, in the building.

00:01:18.840 And I am your host, the follically challenged Clint Russell of Liberty Lockdown.

00:01:22.580 And then we have the bodily challenged Crip Daddy. 0.99

00:01:25.020 The legend is with us. 0.95

00:01:26.060 I am so fucking pumped to have you, man.

00:01:28.380 Thank you for coming. 0.94

00:01:29.280 I'm so excited to ruin this entire thing.

00:01:34.280 I don't think it's possible to ruin this, dude.

00:01:36.160 Like, that's kind of our thing.

00:01:37.520 The bar is high.

00:01:38.080 Let's go to the next level.

00:01:39.400 By the way, just to let you know, Crip, we are N-word friendly here.

00:01:42.660 We accept people of all N-words.

00:01:44.300 So just, you know, let it fly.

00:01:45.540 Just wait, like, five minutes.

00:01:46.580 That's all we have.

00:01:47.180 Yeah.

00:01:47.720 That's five minute, Mark.

00:01:48.800 This is fitting on, now that we've been referred to as an actual gang, that we have a Crip on the show, so. 0.79

00:01:56.800 Yeah, it's pretty good one.

00:01:57.580 It's you, right?

00:01:58.540 Yeah.

00:01:58.880 I mean, he's pretty much a perfect representation of the kind of gang we are.

00:02:02.760 Very, very toothless. 0.99

00:02:05.980 You guys have massive dicks? 0.99

00:02:09.200 Yeah, but they also don't work, so. 1.00

00:02:14.480 Massive dicks, nothing to worry about. 0.98

00:02:16.140 Like, we're going to give it our best anyway, so. 0.99

00:02:18.760 A little college try.

00:02:20.640 I get it.

00:02:22.040 Just keep mashing it in there, and hopefully something comes out soon enough.

00:02:27.340 That's how they taught me in grade school.

00:02:32.160 They were like, bend over, you're going to love it.

00:02:34.680 And I was like, Dad, what are you doing out of prison?

00:02:40.480 The Waukesha SUV. 0.99

00:02:42.500 Holy shit, I just realized that. 1.00

00:02:43.840 Wow, that's a fucked up joke, dude. 1.00

00:02:48.780 That's a fucked up bit. 0.99

00:02:50.520 Why would you make that bit? 1.00

00:02:52.440 You're going to die, bro.

00:02:55.380 That's not funny. 0.91

00:02:56.920 Oh, it's so funny. 0.99

00:02:58.720 Holy shit. 0.99

00:03:02.640 We got Bonghorn says, my tower gang initiation was a standing in a circle while a bunch of dudes 1.00

00:03:08.060 jerked off really close to me until I could recite five Saturday morning cartoons.

00:03:12.080 Welcome aboard to it.

00:03:13.380 That was very close to what we were saying right before we clicked live.

00:03:16.840 That, like, weirdly accurate.

00:03:19.080 The only thing that was different was the cartoon.

00:03:21.420 And that's a welcome change.

00:03:23.380 I'm okay with that.

00:03:24.800 It's true.

00:03:25.720 People think our initiation process is showing dong,

00:03:29.000 but it's actually getting bukkake-ed by all of us.

00:03:32.220 Mm-hmm.

00:03:32.960 It was really fun when we brought in my aunt.

00:03:35.280 That was fun. 1.00

00:03:35.820 Why is your mom okay with you saying such insane shit to her? 1.00

00:03:43.840 My mom? 1.00

00:03:44.940 Yeah. 1.00

00:03:45.800 She fucking broke me. 0.99

00:03:47.320 It's the only she can do. 1.00

00:03:49.920 Holy shit. 0.99

00:03:53.260 I feel like it's even that she ruined me for the rest of my life, 1.00

00:03:57.220 I ruined hers for the rain in your mind, 0.97

00:03:59.540 and I get away with calling her slurs.

00:04:01.340 Do you think if you were fully able-bodied that you would be more politically correct?

00:04:09.520 Because, you know, if I had to trade you being, like, fully functioning

00:04:13.040 and lose your sense of humor, I don't know if I would make that trade.

00:04:15.760 Would you?

00:04:16.880 I mean, I am half Mexican,

00:04:19.020 so I don't think that there would be a chance of me being too far gone.

00:04:26.600 But if it was an option, like, you could walk and you just couldn't be,

00:04:31.780 you couldn't say the N-word anymore.

00:04:35.240 That's not a trade I'm willing to make.

00:04:37.960 I think we know our priorities here.

00:04:41.200 Someone tried to skip me.

00:04:43.260 What's walking if you can't say the N-word? 1.00

00:04:44.320 Like, fuck. 1.00

00:04:45.200 Exactly. 1.00

00:04:45.600 Can't we walk and say the N-word at the same time over here?

00:04:48.520 That's the American I want to live in. 0.88

00:04:52.080 I had someone try to steal my W card today,

00:04:54.540 which is one that people don't reference very often.

00:04:57.220 But the ongoing joke has been that I'm the wigger of the show,

00:05:00.300 and it's probably pretty accurate because I, you know,

00:05:03.100 I'm from the 90s, and I listen to rap religiously,

00:05:05.660 and, you know, I think that I dig bigger than it probably is. 0.88

00:05:08.920 And, yeah, I'm a wigger. 0.92

00:05:10.240 But someone tried to strip my wigger card. 0.70

00:05:12.000 Did you know that they could do that?

00:05:13.480 That people aren't allowed to say wigger anymore?

00:05:15.600 That's tragic.

00:05:17.000 I didn't know that it was a thing.

00:05:18.680 I didn't either.

00:05:19.360 No, I mean, apparently someone owns any derivative of that term, so.

00:05:23.960 No.

00:05:24.460 It's crazy.

00:05:25.820 And the whole concept of Towers to begin with, 0.58

00:05:28.220 the thing we don't even ever fucking talk about anymore, so. 0.82

00:05:32.020 Dude, imagine if, like, 0.75

00:05:33.520 I've been talking about wiggers since, like, 99, so I don't know.

00:05:36.260 Imagine if Stephen Hawking's mom actually dropped him instead 0.99

00:05:38.880 and broke him, broke his shit, 0.99

00:05:40.840 and then, like, we would have got just two Crypt Daddies 0.99

00:05:43.420 instead of, like, instead of just the genius Eva Hawking,

00:05:47.020 we're just kind of going to get Crypt Daddy instead.

00:05:49.620 You know, the one thing I am jealous of Stephen Hawking

00:05:53.880 is that he got to go to Epstein's Island.

00:05:57.660 What I want to know is, like, somebody like him, 0.99

00:06:14.600 what kind of weird shit is he into? 0.99

00:06:16.200 I mean, maybe you can provide us an opening into that psyche. 1.00

00:06:19.660 I don't know.

00:06:19.920 He's, like, talking dirty with his, like, 0.99

00:06:22.600 his automated voice or whatever the fuck it is. 1.00

00:06:26.920 Rev your cut on my underbite. 0.99

00:06:32.640 What was up with his underbite getting so much more severe?

00:06:35.640 What, what, does that, is that just part of it?

00:06:36.840 Yeah, that wasn't, like, a part of the thing.

00:06:39.440 At least it didn't have to be.

00:06:41.380 I mean, he is British.

00:06:43.120 Right.

00:06:43.580 So.

00:06:44.560 That's true, yeah. 0.99

00:06:45.440 So he's already fucked up. 0.99

00:06:46.380 Star Wars, where, like, the Sith get more and more decrepit, 1.00

00:06:49.460 the more fucked up and evil they are. 0.99

00:06:51.020 Maybe there's something to that. 1.00

00:06:51.920 I don't know.

00:06:52.320 It's the same thing with the British. 0.90

00:06:53.560 Yeah, their lower jaw just kind of starts, like, slipping.

00:06:56.200 Wait, British people have jaws? 1.00

00:06:58.360 Or they, I mean, they probably have a chin.

00:07:00.560 So.

00:07:02.520 I think that he's, he's one of the rare people

00:07:04.700 that's double crippled. 0.55

00:07:05.660 He had severe underbite and, and he's British.

00:07:08.340 And he's also, obviously, in a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

00:07:12.840 Oh.

00:07:13.780 No, no, he's dead.

00:07:15.240 He's actually dead.

00:07:16.120 So that's the real problem.

00:07:17.720 Yeah, that's, that's the worst handicap you can possibly have, so. 1.00

00:07:21.660 Yeah.

00:07:22.000 What is it about.

00:07:23.200 I disagree.

00:07:24.120 The worst handicap is not being dead.

00:07:26.080 There are things that are worse than being dead.

00:07:27.920 All right.

00:07:28.340 Real quick.

00:07:28.820 I wanted to mention, this brought me about,

00:07:30.640 probably the best, one of the best tweets I've seen this week, 0.95

00:07:33.400 aside from mine, was fucking, like, someone made a derivative of this. 0.87

00:07:39.880 And so it was like, someone was like, I looked into history, guys, 0.93

00:07:43.520 and it turns out they don't actually own the N-word.

00:07:50.600 That's actually ours.

00:07:52.620 Does anyone know, does anyone know the genesis of it?

00:07:55.040 Like, where the word came from? 0.97

00:07:56.400 I mean, I'm pretty sure it's just because Negro is black. 1.00

00:07:59.520 Negro, easy derivative. 0.98

00:08:01.640 I don't know.

00:08:02.620 So.

00:08:02.860 No.

00:08:03.440 No, there's something.

00:08:03.940 I heard one of the funniest jokes on Kill Tony today.

00:08:07.520 It was by William Montgomery.

00:08:09.040 And he said, imagine if the Confederacy had access to the blockchain,

00:08:16.520 to where they could just make 3D NFTs and just call them slaves.

00:08:21.020 And I thought that was pretty funny.

00:08:22.920 That's a good question, our audience just asked.

00:08:29.920 Have you ever been on a show where you, with five other guys,

00:08:33.660 and you're the least disabled person on the show?

00:08:36.800 That is the case right now.

00:08:38.440 I was, I'm here.

00:08:40.300 So this is a pretty good example.

00:08:44.660 I was on.

00:08:48.580 Have you been on CNN?

00:08:49.920 Because that would qualify. 0.58

00:08:50.860 No, I wasn't gay enough to get on CNN.

00:08:55.620 I was really trying, though.

00:08:57.740 Trust me.

00:08:58.240 I had like a whole gangbang of dudes going on during the Skype interview. 1.00

00:09:03.280 And I was taking it in the mouth, the ear, nose, ass. 1.00

00:09:07.720 And I was like, how many dicks do I have to take to get on CNN, guys? 1.00

00:09:11.440 Taking it in every pore. 0.99

00:09:13.100 Every one.

00:09:13.820 And they just were letting me.

00:09:17.020 Do you look down on midgets?

00:09:18.580 It went pretty much the same height.

00:09:21.840 So it's pretty equal.

00:09:24.260 Do you have like a raised wheelchair so that you actually physically look down? 0.99

00:09:27.700 I can.

00:09:28.440 I can go higher than a midget, yes. 0.99

00:09:30.740 So that's kind of a dominating thing.

00:09:33.680 That would be such a boss move to have a wheelchair that's raised really high 1.00

00:09:37.300 so you're intentionally taller than everyone.

00:09:39.280 Yeah.

00:09:39.560 I was going to say, that's kind of unfair. 0.99

00:09:40.920 It's like getting your own dick size bigger or whatever. 0.99

00:09:43.240 Like you get to test you in a fight and it just doesn't seem fair. 0.99

00:09:46.400 But I don't know.

00:09:47.520 Yeah.

00:09:48.620 It's a fun time.

00:09:49.780 I like it.

00:09:50.600 Did we lose Clint?

00:09:51.480 What's going on with him over there?

00:09:56.580 Like grainy Coomer.

00:09:59.300 He's disabled now. 0.99

00:10:01.140 That's my porn name. 0.99

00:10:02.140 Yeah. 0.97

00:10:02.240 Yeah.

00:10:02.640 Yeah.

00:10:03.140 Yeah.

00:10:03.240 Yeah.

00:10:03.640 Yeah.

00:10:03.740 Yeah.

00:10:04.240 Yeah.

00:10:04.740 Yeah.

00:10:05.240 Yeah.

00:10:05.740 Yeah.

00:10:06.240 Yeah.

00:10:06.740 Yeah.

00:10:07.240 Yeah.

00:10:08.240 Yeah.

00:10:08.740 Yeah.

00:10:09.240 Yeah.

00:10:10.240 Yeah.

00:10:11.240 Yeah.

00:10:12.240 Yeah.

00:10:13.220 Yeah.

00:10:14.220 You should get a chair.

00:10:15.220 You should get.

00:10:16.220 Am I back?

00:10:17.220 Am I back?

00:10:18.220 Am I back?

00:10:19.220 Yeah.

00:10:19.720 You're back.

00:10:20.220 You just missed everything.

00:10:22.220 Oh, my God.

00:10:24.220 And then he's gone again.

00:10:26.220 Am I back?

00:10:27.220 Am I back?

00:10:28.220 Yeah, you're back.

00:10:30.220 By the way, you made it back.

00:10:31.520 Or, sort of.

00:10:32.520 You were, for a few seconds.

00:10:33.520 Oh, no. 1.00

00:10:34.520 Dude, I thought you could get your wifi, you dumbass. 1.00

00:10:37.520 You guys couldn't hear me or see me, but I- 1.00

00:10:39.520 Is it bad still?

00:10:40.520 No.

00:10:41.520 No.

00:10:42.520 No. 1.00

00:10:43.020 we still fucked 0.99

00:10:44.200 alright just go 0.99

00:10:47.340 just keep going

00:10:47.980 anyways back to Crip 0.99

00:10:52.980 just out of curiosity how the fuck did you 0.99

00:10:55.260 get fucked up 1.00

00:10:55.960 that's what I want to know 1.00

00:10:57.660 I wanted to call this guest your handicap 0.99

00:11:00.200 or what's your handicap

00:11:01.380 if you guys had like one

00:11:04.600 one like

00:11:05.580 one little guest each

00:11:08.200 what would you guys say

00:11:09.280 that's a good one

00:11:11.080 fetal alcohol syndrome

00:11:12.680 that's a solid guest

00:11:14.380 I was going to say because like

00:11:18.780 so I'm assuming that you were not born

00:11:21.400 that way I don't know how that would even work

00:11:23.080 like do crippled parents give birth 1.00

00:11:25.340 to like a crippled child or something

00:11:26.960 is that how it works

00:11:27.760 one crippled parent are you half crippled 0.99

00:11:31.060 he was only born gay 0.98

00:11:33.260 okay he wasn't born crippled 0.78

00:11:34.560 it was like

00:11:36.620 breeding in Pokemon

00:11:38.000 you're just trying to get the worst one possible

00:11:40.780 in this case now

00:11:41.720 you're just hoping for every disease

00:11:44.220 alright I'm going to say that it was

00:11:46.540 some sort of 0.53

00:11:48.680 masturbation related injury 0.68

00:11:50.940 talk about forcing a joke

00:11:54.240 I don't know

00:11:56.920 I don't know

00:11:58.300 I just

00:12:01.880 you said something about being dropped

00:12:02.980 that would be my guess

00:12:03.760 I don't know

00:12:04.300 it just seems to be the funniest

00:12:05.280 being dropped

00:12:05.700 okay

00:12:06.140 okay

00:12:07.020 come on 1.00

00:12:08.680 are you a fat 0.99

00:12:09.240 I'm going to go with 0.99

00:12:10.380 you were

00:12:10.660 you were kicked 0.72

00:12:11.920 you were bucked in the head

00:12:12.860 by a Shetland pony

00:12:13.700 jeez

00:12:16.140 okay

00:12:16.640 but his head

00:12:17.860 his head looks fine though

00:12:18.920 so that's the

00:12:19.540 I don't think it could be the head

00:12:20.800 it would have to be like the

00:12:21.920 the spine

00:12:22.840 well it could be like

00:12:24.820 it could be a spine thing right

00:12:26.220 as you know

00:12:26.640 because Cole right now

00:12:27.940 has a dog

00:12:28.860 that is equally crippled 0.91

00:12:29.980 right now so 0.98

00:12:30.780 damn I was going to make that joke later 0.97

00:12:32.360 what I was going to say is 0.99

00:12:33.240 in honor of Crypt Daddy coming on

00:12:35.260 I broke my dog's back

00:12:36.340 and now his legs don't work

00:12:38.820 and that's actually a true story

00:12:40.600 I'm honored that your dog

00:12:42.440 is such a big fan of mine

00:12:44.480 that he's just

00:12:45.860 constantly Todd's playing me

00:12:48.020 his dog joined the Crips

00:12:50.640 yeah bro 1.00

00:12:51.420 fuck your dog bro 1.00

00:12:52.780 someone was online 1.00

00:12:57.680 was heckling them

00:12:58.380 saying they should just put it down

00:12:59.600 and considering you're in the same situation

00:13:02.120 I guess I'd like to hear your thoughts

00:13:03.480 on the matter

00:13:03.860 should they or should they not

00:13:04.940 oh yeah

00:13:05.580 no absolutely

00:13:07.120 what happens to misery

00:13:08.720 your dog is a lot funnier though

00:13:11.060 you giving that dog alive

00:13:11.960 is a crime against just nature 1.00

00:13:15.020 it's fucked up 0.98

00:13:16.380 and I say that 1.00

00:13:17.800 as somebody who also should be put down

00:13:19.800 I totally agree

00:13:21.660 I hope someone clips this

00:13:23.240 and sends it to your mother 1.00

00:13:23.980 I just think it's fucked up 0.98

00:13:27.140 that whenever a crippled person 0.99

00:13:30.140 commits suicide

00:13:31.300 it's euthanasia

00:13:33.020 instead of suicide

00:13:34.380 that's how

00:13:35.300 that's how

00:13:36.260 we look down upon

00:13:37.980 you know

00:13:38.820 it's a mercy killing

00:13:40.200 it's not a suicide

00:13:41.460 you know

00:13:42.520 so that's the way I look at your dog

00:13:45.440 is that

00:13:46.220 it's what I'm getting at

00:13:48.920 it's a mercy killing

00:13:50.700 do the right thing

00:13:51.920 Cole 1.00

00:13:52.160 and kill your dog 1.00

00:13:53.100 Crip is going to go through like 1.00

00:13:54.640 they're going to have these like

00:13:55.780 drive-through suicide

00:13:57.080 booths now

00:13:58.240 that's how it's going to happen

00:13:59.640 if you want

00:14:01.000 you can make it like a two for one

00:14:02.280 I can like

00:14:02.860 hold on to your dog

00:14:04.060 and like roll off a building

00:14:05.620 my better guess actually

00:14:09.020 for the

00:14:09.760 how Crip became disabled

00:14:11.940 was going to be like 0.96

00:14:12.480 a jackass related stunt 0.94

00:14:13.880 like jumping off of somebody's roof 0.99

00:14:15.420 or some shit 0.98

00:14:16.080 that's fair 0.99

00:14:17.000 that's also another thing

00:14:18.140 the mental image of Crip Daddy

00:14:19.560 holding the dog's forehead

00:14:20.920 to his forehead

00:14:21.580 so it like

00:14:22.320 it goes right through

00:14:23.160 it's pretty great

00:14:24.100 no you all are

00:14:28.480 I forgot

00:14:29.780 who was

00:14:30.820 theoretically

00:14:32.060 the closest

00:14:33.120 but it was something

00:14:34.140 I was born with

00:14:35.500 it was not Maybelline

00:14:36.620 I had

00:14:38.500 both my parents

00:14:40.460 were

00:14:40.840 just a rare

00:14:42.220 genetic lottery

00:14:43.280 of two people

00:14:44.880 that had

00:14:45.360 the same gene

00:14:46.600 for a very rare disease

00:14:48.080 and they just so

00:14:49.480 happened to get 0.99

00:14:50.020 fucked up 0.98

00:14:50.660 at the exact 0.99

00:14:51.680 same party

00:14:52.400 and 1.00

00:14:53.420 fucking 1.00

00:14:54.520 I was born 1.00

00:14:55.820 as a mistake

00:14:56.900 so Cole

00:14:57.840 with fetal alcohol syndrome

00:14:59.100 was the closest

00:14:59.740 yeah

00:15:00.220 except with alcohol

00:15:04.420 it was probably like 1.00

00:15:05.140 fucking 1.00

00:15:05.520 pills 1.00

00:15:06.500 heroin

00:15:08.120 she's just

00:15:08.960 shooting up heroin 0.75

00:15:09.600 straight into her belly 0.84

00:15:10.560 it's not even

00:15:11.480 into her veins

00:15:12.220 she's just like

00:15:13.180 it was actually

00:15:14.660 after the party

00:15:15.540 it was abortion pills

00:15:16.560 they just didn't quite work

00:15:17.620 yeah

00:15:18.200 it just didn't take

00:15:19.040 you were too strong

00:15:21.620 you were too strong

00:15:22.980 for that

00:15:23.540 they can't keep me

00:15:24.920 out of anywhere

00:15:25.460 my mom's womb

00:15:26.380 twitter 1.00

00:15:27.160 I'm fucking 1.00

00:15:28.120 I can't 0.99

00:15:28.660 I don't leave 0.80

00:15:29.260 your mom's womb 0.99

00:15:30.700 your mom's womb 0.99

00:15:32.560 yeah

00:15:32.980 it's pretty wild

00:15:34.360 you've gotten

00:15:34.840 as big as you have

00:15:35.900 on twitter

00:15:36.260 you do go pretty 0.99

00:15:37.040 fucking hard 0.98

00:15:37.720 and it's like 0.99

00:15:38.140 I don't think

00:15:39.020 you have a blue check

00:15:39.760 I don't know if it's

00:15:40.200 just they just

00:15:40.620 see the wheelchair

00:15:41.320 and they go

00:15:41.740 oh okay

00:15:42.260 it's like the equivalent

00:15:43.060 to a blue check

00:15:43.820 and you can get away

00:15:44.360 with anything

00:15:44.720 it's pretty 0.99

00:15:45.220 it's pretty fucking dope 0.98

00:15:47.040 I think I might just 0.99

00:15:47.800 pretend to be a cripple 1.00

00:15:48.600 next time 0.96

00:15:49.040 you say that

00:15:51.280 like but

00:15:51.840 genuinely

00:15:52.700 there are

00:15:53.980 still a dedicated

00:15:55.060 amount of people

00:15:55.660 that will tell you

00:15:56.820 like I don't

00:15:57.260 I don't care

00:15:57.800 what you are

00:15:59.420 I still 1.00

00:16:00.200 hate you 1.00

00:16:01.140 for your existence 1.00

00:16:01.960 and to me

00:16:03.540 it's funny

00:16:04.060 because

00:16:04.920 everybody will ask me

00:16:06.140 like how do you

00:16:07.320 deal with the

00:16:08.200 the backlash 1.00

00:16:09.220 to any of the shit 1.00

00:16:10.080 that you do 0.99

00:16:10.540 and it's so funny

00:16:12.440 to me that it's not

00:16:13.220 like common sense

00:16:14.620 because

00:16:15.060 what

00:16:16.960 what are they

00:16:18.060 going to do

00:16:18.900 how much worse

00:16:24.580 could they make

00:16:25.500 my situation

00:16:26.220 really

00:16:26.640 I thought you were

00:16:28.640 just going to tell them

00:16:29.340 like oh I'm deaf too

00:16:30.660 so I just don't hear it

00:16:31.760 just keep adding on

00:16:35.380 like just problems

00:16:36.420 just being like

00:16:37.360 I'm deaf

00:16:38.180 I'm actually blind

00:16:39.680 even that aside

00:16:41.720 it is funny

00:16:42.260 when people do 0.99

00:16:42.900 talk shit online 0.98

00:16:43.740 because it's like 1.00

00:16:44.340 what are you going to do

00:16:45.560 hunt me down

00:16:46.420 from across the nation

00:16:47.360 and fight me

00:16:47.980 it's not that I'm 0.72

00:16:48.800 scared to fight you

00:16:49.740 which is I'm not 1.00

00:16:50.260 a fucking retard 1.00

00:16:51.040 trying to fight 1.00

00:16:51.660 people online

00:16:52.500 like it is also

00:16:53.600 like there is

00:16:54.780 something too

00:16:55.380 that like yeah

00:16:56.000 I can do this

00:16:56.740 because I'm online

00:16:57.540 but that doesn't

00:16:58.480 necessarily mean

00:16:59.780 that I'm scared

00:17:00.940 of you

00:17:01.340 but there is also

00:17:02.280 this like 1.00

00:17:02.880 you look retarded 0.99

00:17:04.140 by being the one 1.00

00:17:04.860 talking mad shit 1.00

00:17:05.900 but yeah 1.00

00:17:06.960 I know

00:17:07.500 that's exactly

00:17:08.560 what I try and

00:17:09.260 highlight in people

00:17:10.160 with like

00:17:10.760 the angrier we get

00:17:12.200 the more funny

00:17:12.940 it is to me

00:17:13.580 because I

00:17:14.160 I'm not doing

00:17:15.320 anything to purposely 0.98

00:17:16.320 like fuck with 0.99

00:17:17.540 anybody 1.00

00:17:17.940 that's never like

00:17:18.960 the intention

00:17:19.620 but you know

00:17:20.880 it's uh

00:17:21.420 it happens

00:17:22.080 that's where we differ

00:17:23.180 it's funny

00:17:23.740 but I can lean into it

00:17:28.440 I lean into it

00:17:29.880 happily

00:17:30.240 yeah

00:17:32.020 on stage

00:17:34.520 whenever you get

00:17:35.300 those like

00:17:36.060 have you had

00:17:36.900 those hecklers 1.00

00:17:37.460 that just

00:17:37.860 I mean

00:17:38.560 just get really 0.95

00:17:39.280 pissed off you

00:17:39.920 for like

00:17:40.800 being up there 1.00

00:17:41.520 saying mad shit 1.00

00:17:42.500 like 1.00

00:17:43.180 how do you

00:17:43.740 deal with

00:17:44.040 how do you

00:17:44.420 deal with

00:17:44.680 them

00:17:44.960 I haven't

00:17:45.760 gotten any

00:17:46.240 of those

00:17:46.560 yet

00:17:46.700 but I'm

00:17:47.020 like

00:17:47.180 I pray

00:17:47.760 for it

00:17:48.340 I'm like

00:17:49.080 looking forward

00:17:50.060 to that

00:17:50.840 moment

00:17:51.220 because

00:17:51.720 I am so

00:17:52.920 prepared

00:17:53.440 mentally

00:17:54.500 because

00:17:55.340 the way I see

00:17:56.460 if you can

00:17:56.880 handle like

00:17:57.620 yourself

00:17:58.560 on

00:17:59.160 on Twitter

00:18:00.300 or like

00:18:01.140 in the YouTube

00:18:01.720 comments

00:18:02.260 and none of

00:18:03.080 that phases

00:18:03.640 you

00:18:03.880 you're fine

00:18:04.660 on stage

00:18:05.240 like

00:18:05.800 that's great

00:18:06.580 because they

00:18:07.140 they can

00:18:07.900 work out

00:18:08.380 detailed

00:18:08.920 paragraphs

00:18:09.440 as to why

00:18:10.700 you're the

00:18:11.100 most you

00:18:11.860 know

00:18:12.020 vile piece 1.00

00:18:12.680 of shit 1.00

00:18:13.060 on Twitter 1.00

00:18:13.920 and all

00:18:14.260 you can

00:18:14.540 say is

00:18:14.880 like

00:18:15.720 haha

00:18:16.080 yeah

00:18:17.320 but like

00:18:19.020 in person

00:18:19.940 it's so much

00:18:20.620 funnier to me

00:18:21.340 because like

00:18:22.200 you're really

00:18:22.640 gonna go out

00:18:23.180 of your way

00:18:23.560 to be the 1.00

00:18:24.640 asshole 1.00

00:18:25.000 to the guy 0.99

00:18:25.600 in a wheelchair

00:18:26.840 chasing his 1.00

00:18:27.840 fucking dream 1.00

00:18:28.540 okay 1.00

00:18:29.080 let me know

00:18:30.880 how that works

00:18:31.380 out

00:18:31.660 there's that

00:18:32.300 where the

00:18:34.060 the stand-up

00:18:35.100 comedian

00:18:35.460 is like 0.79

00:18:36.540 roasting everyone

00:18:37.300 in the crowd

00:18:37.800 and then it

00:18:38.140 gets to the

00:18:38.600 burn victim

00:18:39.160 and he skips 0.86

00:18:40.460 him and then

00:18:41.220 the burn

00:18:41.500 victim's like

00:18:41.960 no make fun

00:18:42.620 of me

00:18:42.920 and so then

00:18:43.380 he makes fun

00:18:43.840 of him

00:18:44.040 and he starts

00:18:44.580 then the guy

00:18:45.360 starts crying

00:18:46.080 or whatever

00:18:46.440 so have you

00:18:46.880 ever done

00:18:47.920 that have you

00:18:48.320 ever pretended

00:18:48.880 to be like

00:18:49.800 absolutely destroyed

00:18:51.060 by a joke

00:18:51.660 that someone

00:18:51.960 made about you

00:18:52.640 and like

00:18:53.160 made them feel

00:18:53.680 horrible

00:18:54.040 that's in the

00:18:55.500 arsenal of like

00:18:56.900 things I would

00:18:57.540 definitely do

00:18:58.320 just to be like

00:18:59.480 wow dude

00:18:59.860 that's really

00:19:00.380 kind of one

00:19:01.720 calling for

00:19:02.120 man

00:19:02.340 I work really

00:19:04.340 hard to get here

00:19:05.020 it's not easy

00:19:05.700 right

00:19:06.540 but no

00:19:08.260 it's cool

00:19:08.680 whatever

00:19:09.000 I forgot

00:19:10.400 where I was

00:19:10.900 I'm gonna

00:19:11.740 just go

00:19:12.460 I don't know

00:19:14.760 I mean

00:19:15.000 you do stand-up

00:19:16.160 and you can't

00:19:16.560 even stand up

00:19:17.340 so that's

00:19:18.280 pretty impressive

00:19:18.760 oh man

00:19:19.240 I bet he's

00:19:19.560 never heard

00:19:19.840 that one

00:19:20.340 I know right

00:19:22.480 no

00:19:23.480 no

00:19:24.400 I haven't

00:19:25.400 also

00:19:25.900 have you guys

00:19:26.840 heard of

00:19:27.280 these

00:19:27.820 handicapped

00:19:28.700 characters

00:19:29.120 on South Park

00:19:30.060 Jimmy

00:19:31.540 Timmy

00:19:32.020 I think

00:19:32.380 that's their name

00:19:32.780 no never heard of them

00:19:33.760 me neither

00:19:35.000 never heard of them

00:19:36.260 that must be such 0.97

00:19:38.700 a shitty conundrum 0.97

00:19:39.500 for you to like 0.95

00:19:40.400 because it's

00:19:41.120 borderline impossible

00:19:41.860 for you to get

00:19:42.700 hecklers

00:19:43.120 because who's 1.00

00:19:43.840 gonna fuck 1.00

00:19:44.240 with a cripple 1.00

00:19:44.720 guy on stage

00:19:45.440 but at the same

00:19:46.220 time it's like

00:19:46.840 in your head

00:19:47.300 you're like

00:19:47.680 I know I could

00:19:48.760 totally dominate

00:19:49.680 a heckler

00:19:50.080 because I'm

00:19:50.740 a cripple guy 1.00

00:19:51.320 on stage

00:19:51.920 it's this weird 0.99

00:19:52.840 fucking 0.99

00:19:53.540 conundrum 0.99

00:19:54.440 paradox

00:19:54.740 yeah

00:19:55.540 half of me

00:19:57.900 would love

00:19:58.860 that heckler

00:19:59.820 right

00:20:00.140 but the other

00:20:00.780 half of me

00:20:01.300 is

00:20:02.140 the lower half

00:20:02.920 the one that

00:20:03.320 doesn't work

00:20:03.820 yeah 0.99

00:20:04.280 fucking terrified 1.00

00:20:06.800 of a guy 0.99

00:20:07.460 who

00:20:08.060 who doesn't

00:20:09.100 care 1.00

00:20:09.420 about fucking 1.00

00:20:10.500 with that guy 1.00

00:20:11.120 because

00:20:11.540 obviously he has

00:20:12.860 nothing to lose

00:20:13.560 he doesn't care

00:20:14.780 about the way

00:20:16.240 he's looking

00:20:16.920 in front of this

00:20:17.900 crowd of people

00:20:18.960 and

00:20:19.800 he's probably

00:20:21.240 out for blood

00:20:22.480 and that's okay

00:20:23.160 he can have it

00:20:24.560 bro

00:20:25.760 imagine how funny

00:20:26.460 it would be

00:20:26.760 with a stutter

00:20:27.380 it's not about

00:20:29.360 faking them

00:20:30.180 just go there

00:20:34.160 and just start

00:20:34.600 stuttering

00:20:35.080 through your

00:20:35.620 first joke

00:20:36.320 and then just

00:20:37.200 the rest of the

00:20:37.880 set do it

00:20:38.640 perfect

00:20:39.020 and then the

00:20:39.680 last joke

00:20:40.380 stutter again

00:20:41.300 and just

00:20:42.280 never address it

00:20:44.020 people are just

00:20:48.040 like

00:20:48.220 does he have a

00:20:49.620 stutter 1.00

00:20:49.920 is he retarded 0.99

00:20:50.920 what was it 0.50

00:20:53.120 he did on the

00:20:53.780 first one

00:20:54.060 is he just

00:20:54.360 nervous

00:20:54.740 but then he

00:20:55.120 did on his

00:20:55.460 last one

00:20:55.920 too

00:20:56.120 I'm so

00:20:56.420 confused 0.99

00:20:57.020 what the fuck 0.99

00:20:57.840 happened there 1.00

00:20:58.540 he kept

00:21:01.360 stuttering

00:21:01.740 through the

00:21:02.100 n-word

00:21:02.420 I don't know

00:21:02.760 what that

00:21:03.060 was about

00:21:03.780 that was

00:21:04.180 weird

00:21:04.820 it only

00:21:06.240 happened

00:21:06.540 in the

00:21:07.020 water

00:21:07.360 so how did

00:21:11.560 you get your

00:21:11.940 start in comedy

00:21:12.600 I don't know

00:21:13.020 if it's probably

00:21:13.660 you get that

00:21:14.060 question a lot

00:21:14.620 but like

00:21:15.040 did you just

00:21:15.740 go to like

00:21:16.520 your open

00:21:16.840 mic ears

00:21:17.360 and just

00:21:17.820 kind of

00:21:18.600 make your way

00:21:19.020 to there

00:21:19.460 did you hit the ground

00:21:19.760 running or hit the

00:21:20.900 ground spinning

00:21:21.480 rolling

00:21:23.720 no like

00:21:25.800 it wasn't

00:21:26.820 really even

00:21:27.540 a sought

00:21:28.780 out thing

00:21:29.580 a lot of

00:21:31.280 people

00:21:31.560 depending on

00:21:32.380 where you

00:21:33.320 stand and

00:21:33.880 where you're

00:21:34.220 at in

00:21:34.780 comedy

00:21:35.960 probably don't

00:21:37.440 even like my

00:21:38.120 answer because

00:21:38.800 it's not

00:21:39.880 the you

00:21:41.100 know I

00:21:41.680 worked hard

00:21:42.260 I slept

00:21:42.720 on couches

00:21:43.500 and you

00:21:44.320 know I 1.00

00:21:44.580 fucking 0.99

00:21:45.200 starved 1.00

00:21:45.700 myself

00:21:46.140 doing open

00:21:47.420 mic

00:21:47.660 except nope

00:21:48.220 I just

00:21:48.920 usually means 1.00

00:21:49.440 you sucked 1.00

00:21:49.920 yeah I 0.99

00:21:50.920 literally just

00:21:52.040 dicked around

00:21:53.580 on twitter

00:21:54.100 until the

00:21:55.800 right people

00:21:56.220 noticed and

00:21:57.280 said hey

00:21:57.660 you're funny

00:21:58.100 and I was

00:21:58.800 like oh

00:21:59.100 cool that's

00:21:59.760 maybe I

00:22:00.360 should do

00:22:01.320 that maybe

00:22:01.800 I should

00:22:02.080 just be

00:22:02.520 funny for

00:22:03.660 my life

00:22:05.000 and then

00:22:06.460 this happened

00:22:07.280 so I

00:22:09.120 mean just

00:22:09.920 so you

00:22:10.180 just got

00:22:10.400 you kind

00:22:10.720 of just

00:22:10.960 got invited

00:22:11.660 on to a

00:22:12.480 to a set

00:22:13.400 and you

00:22:13.780 just kind

00:22:14.020 of just

00:22:14.400 like and

00:22:15.240 you put

00:22:15.440 something

00:22:15.660 together

00:22:15.940 like was

00:22:16.420 it easy

00:22:16.660 to put

00:22:16.880 something

00:22:17.120 that your

00:22:17.360 first set

00:22:17.720 together

00:22:18.060 yeah I

00:22:19.220 mean my

00:22:19.600 first big

00:22:20.600 big set

00:22:21.820 was opening

00:22:23.480 up for

00:22:23.900 Doug Stanhope

00:22:25.140 and then

00:22:25.960 hell yeah

00:22:26.460 because I

00:22:28.100 remember doing

00:22:28.800 that obviously 0.98

00:22:30.060 pretty fucking 0.98

00:22:31.220 anxious but 0.98

00:22:32.340 whatever you

00:22:33.400 know it was

00:22:33.840 an experience

00:22:34.520 nonetheless

00:22:35.260 that's my

00:22:36.080 attitude about 0.99

00:22:37.300 shit is like 1.00

00:22:37.880 even if you 1.00

00:22:38.320 know there's

00:22:39.720 a story from

00:22:40.340 it right 0.99

00:22:41.160 it fucking 0.99

00:22:42.080 whatever 0.99

00:22:42.460 and so I

00:22:45.600 did it I

00:22:46.140 did it was a

00:22:46.940 two-night

00:22:47.660 thing and

00:22:48.880 I did the

00:22:49.300 first night

00:22:49.840 went well

00:22:51.300 went good

00:22:52.000 and Doug

00:22:54.600 even asked

00:22:55.060 me like

00:22:55.400 how long

00:22:56.100 have you

00:22:56.260 been doing

00:22:56.560 this again

00:22:57.040 I was like

00:22:57.760 oh that

00:22:58.060 was like

00:22:58.420 my second

00:22:58.920 time I'm

00:22:59.300 seeing you

00:22:59.740 yeah and

00:23:01.680 he was like 0.99

00:23:02.160 whoa fucking 0.98

00:23:03.140 cool and I 0.99

00:23:04.440 was like oh

00:23:04.980 thanks I

00:23:05.660 think and

00:23:06.800 then I got 0.99

00:23:07.180 shit-faced 0.99

00:23:07.820 run 1.00

00:23:08.100 oh

00:23:10.240 yeah I

00:23:12.540 threw up

00:23:12.840 all the next

00:23:13.660 morning like

00:23:14.760 I thought I

00:23:15.880 was gonna have

00:23:16.300 to cancel

00:23:16.820 the show

00:23:17.660 like I 1.00

00:23:18.980 got fucked 0.99

00:23:19.640 up but then 1.00

00:23:20.260 you throw up

00:23:21.040 two times and

00:23:21.720 then you're

00:23:21.980 fine you're

00:23:23.120 good well so

00:23:24.700 well when you

00:23:26.080 get drunk you

00:23:26.600 can't even fall

00:23:27.160 down all right

00:23:27.940 so no so I

00:23:29.140 don't even

00:23:29.580 remember how I

00:23:30.360 got back to

00:23:31.500 the hotel room

00:23:33.020 that's actually a

00:23:34.280 pretty good bit

00:23:35.000 right there like

00:23:35.680 being a cripple 1.00

00:23:37.060 would be an 0.97

00:23:37.500 amazing way just

00:23:38.200 to be like a

00:23:38.580 drug addict or

00:23:39.240 drunk and no

00:23:39.980 one would know 1.00

00:23:40.360 the fucking 1.00

00:23:40.760 difference 1.00

00:23:41.120 you're perfectly

00:23:42.540 seated you can

00:23:43.520 just kind of zoom

00:23:44.360 through life with

00:23:45.100 your little buttons

00:23:45.800 and no one knows

00:23:46.660 the difference

00:23:46.920 yeah I already

00:23:47.600 can't walk I

00:23:48.460 already slur my

00:23:49.200 words are there

00:23:50.620 are there wheelchair

00:23:51.460 traffic laws like

00:23:52.640 can you get pulled

00:23:53.200 over for wheelchairing

00:23:54.500 under the influence

00:23:55.300 you know what's 0.99

00:23:56.020 fucked up is yes 0.91

00:23:57.000 because I don't do 0.97

00:24:04.080 well in jail I

00:24:06.640 never went to jail

00:24:07.400 that's a lie I

00:24:08.280 was just really 0.97

00:24:08.820 fucked up like 0.99

00:24:09.540 grab the sock 1.00

00:24:10.220 puppet

00:24:10.540 yeah no no

00:24:15.520 uh outside of

00:24:16.860 this bar and

00:24:17.940 there was a

00:24:18.320 there was a

00:24:27.960 a police officer

00:24:29.360 that was just

00:24:30.060 like you know

00:24:31.220 I'm not

00:24:31.700 intimidated by

00:24:32.480 police I just

00:24:34.120 you know I'm

00:24:34.680 not black but

00:24:35.520 they were like

00:24:38.200 hey you know

00:24:40.000 I could technically

00:24:41.260 arrest you right

00:24:42.500 now and I was

00:24:43.480 like for what

00:24:44.380 he's like because

00:24:45.300 you've been drinking

00:24:45.860 and you're operating

00:24:46.860 technically a motor

00:24:48.220 vehicle

00:24:48.720 you know you're

00:24:49.720 being that guy

00:24:50.620 and I was like

00:24:51.920 okay

00:24:52.380 are you gonna

00:24:54.500 he didn't even

00:24:56.860 gonna

00:24:57.160 I was like all

00:24:58.180 right 0.99

00:24:58.380 fucking 1.00

00:24:59.120 faggot 1.00

00:25:00.220 you need like 1.00

00:25:03.340 different licenses

00:25:04.120 like I have a

00:25:05.080 truck I have a

00:25:06.080 CDL and you need

00:25:06.960 a class a to

00:25:07.920 drive one with a

00:25:08.600 trailer and a

00:25:09.160 class B

00:25:09.760 so do you need a

00:25:11.720 class a wheelchair

00:25:12.660 license if you have

00:25:13.540 a trailer behind it

00:25:14.500 or how does that

00:25:15.100 work

00:25:15.300 does it come

00:25:16.700 equipped with a

00:25:17.360 hitch

00:25:17.620 no hitches 0.97

00:25:19.680 just hitches 0.98

00:25:21.160 that's a good

00:25:25.100 question does the

00:25:25.720 chair get you

00:25:26.220 hose

00:25:26.520 you know what

00:25:28.360 not as many as

00:25:29.220 you would think

00:25:29.780 back in the day

00:25:30.540 because believe

00:25:32.100 it or not

00:25:32.940 teenagers are 1.00

00:25:34.580 fucking the worst 1.00

00:25:35.360 things ever 0.99

00:25:36.000 I would imagine

00:25:37.120 they're a very

00:25:39.080 what's the word

00:25:42.080 I'm looking for

00:25:42.700 just pieces of 1.00

00:25:44.700 shit 1.00

00:25:45.040 and you're still 1.00

00:25:48.160 disappointed you

00:25:48.780 didn't go to

00:25:49.180 Epstein Island I'm

00:25:49.900 surprised

00:25:50.440 yeah that's right

00:25:51.860 it was to get

00:25:53.620 revenge out you

00:25:54.640 know

00:25:55.160 get out of my

00:25:56.460 teenagers again 1.00

00:25:57.720 get to fuck 1.00

00:25:59.900 the ones that 1.00

00:26:00.300 never fuck 1.00

00:26:00.800 me 1.00

00:26:01.140 no but like

00:26:06.140 as time went

00:26:07.040 on I think it

00:26:08.220 probably has

00:26:08.960 changed a little

00:26:10.040 bit but I don't

00:26:10.640 know what's the

00:26:13.160 wheelchair versus

00:26:14.040 what's oh you

00:26:15.740 know people

00:26:16.440 anymore so

00:26:17.720 yeah you're like

00:26:19.060 do you love me

00:26:19.820 for me or is it

00:26:20.680 the wheelchair

00:26:21.260 or the huge 0.99

00:26:23.880 cock 0.98

00:26:24.400 speaking of

00:26:25.500 which though

00:26:25.960 that being

00:26:26.440 said so

00:26:27.380 like you know

00:26:27.880 how when

00:26:29.160 Twilight came

00:26:30.020 out like

00:26:30.840 girls got 1.00

00:26:31.780 like into the

00:26:32.440 vampire thing

00:26:33.280 you know

00:26:34.120 vampires and

00:26:35.260 werewolves were 0.84

00:26:36.160 hot

00:26:36.500 yeah exactly

00:26:38.940 but I was

00:26:40.920 really open for

00:26:41.540 that same kind

00:26:42.280 of like you

00:26:44.020 know reaction 1.00

00:26:44.820 when fucking 1.00

00:26:46.500 all those like 1.00

00:26:48.060 sick movies

00:26:49.220 were coming

00:26:49.640 out where

00:26:50.380 like the guy

00:26:51.000 was dying

00:26:51.680 and he had

00:26:52.320 some disease

00:26:52.940 like the

00:26:53.540 Faulkner

00:26:53.940 stars and

00:26:55.160 like the

00:26:56.040 theory of

00:26:56.600 everything and

00:26:57.640 I was like

00:26:58.000 dude it's

00:26:58.460 my time

00:26:59.120 I'm about to 0.99

00:27:00.080 fuck so much 1.00

00:27:01.380 puss 1.00

00:27:01.780 dude 0.98

00:27:02.360 I'm about to 1.00

00:27:05.260 be fucking 0.99

00:27:05.940 swimming in 1.00

00:27:06.820 pussy 1.00

00:27:07.140 there's gonna 1.00

00:27:08.500 be so many

00:27:09.180 women just 1.00

00:27:10.220 like looking

00:27:11.020 to nurture

00:27:11.640 me into

00:27:12.440 being healthy

00:27:13.280 and staying

00:27:14.120 by my side

00:27:14.960 and you know

00:27:15.640 what never 0.98

00:27:16.080 fucking happened 0.95

00:27:16.880 that 0.99

00:27:18.240 and I was

00:27:20.980 so pissed

00:27:21.620 and it's the

00:27:22.380 exact reason 0.99

00:27:22.980 why I fucking 0.99

00:27:24.060 hate Tom 0.99

00:27:24.660 Green or

00:27:25.360 whatever his

00:27:25.760 name is

00:27:26.060 not Tom

00:27:26.560 I know you're

00:27:27.940 talking about 0.99

00:27:28.160 the fucking 1.00

00:27:28.560 guy that 1.00

00:27:28.960 wrote Fallen

00:27:30.380 Our Stars

00:27:30.800 yeah

00:27:31.160 I was like

00:27:32.660 Tom Green

00:27:33.300 the comedian

00:27:33.820 I kind of

00:27:34.240 like that

00:27:34.680 the mumbo

00:27:35.480 song you

00:27:36.000 don't like

00:27:36.280 that 1.00

00:27:36.460 motherfucker 1.00

00:27:38.440 gave me 1.00

00:27:39.020 hope

00:27:39.400 I feel like

00:27:40.780 there's a

00:27:41.100 decent chance

00:27:41.680 as your

00:27:42.320 stardom rises

00:27:43.540 in the comedy

00:27:44.100 scene which I

00:27:44.660 think it will

00:27:45.140 and I want

00:27:45.920 to talk

00:27:46.120 about that

00:27:46.440 a little

00:27:46.660 bit later

00:27:46.940 but I

00:27:47.520 think there's

00:27:47.780 a decent

00:27:48.020 chance that

00:27:48.360 you start

00:27:48.580 to get

00:27:48.760 groupies

00:27:49.180 of like

00:27:49.580 middle-aged

00:27:50.480 women that 1.00

00:27:50.840 want to

00:27:51.060 breastfeed 0.99

00:27:51.480 you

00:27:52.180 are you

00:27:52.420 looking forward

00:27:52.820 to that

00:27:53.520 oh it is

00:27:53.900 you're gonna

00:27:54.280 have to fight

00:27:54.740 me off

00:27:55.180 for that

00:27:55.680 so

00:27:56.000 is that

00:27:59.440 your thing

00:28:00.560 too

00:28:00.820 Crypt Daddy

00:28:01.260 is that

00:28:01.540 your thing

00:28:02.360 I know

00:28:02.980 Toad

00:28:03.460 mommy milkers

00:28:04.200 yeah

00:28:05.580 which I mean

00:28:06.180 I like him

00:28:06.580 too but not

00:28:07.280 to his weird

00:28:07.760 obsessive level

00:28:08.580 I appreciate

00:28:12.560 the good

00:28:12.880 mommy

00:28:13.220 girlfriend

00:28:13.760 you know

00:28:14.620 I respect

00:28:16.360 it

00:28:16.720 I respect

00:28:17.200 all of the

00:28:18.480 single mothers

00:28:19.020 out there

00:28:19.520 that are

00:28:20.600 just broken

00:28:21.400 and looking

00:28:22.280 for a little

00:28:22.780 bit of fun

00:28:23.320 I get it

00:28:24.780 it's like

00:28:25.960 sitting right

00:28:26.380 on the wheelchair

00:28:26.880 just like

00:28:27.800 you're like

00:28:28.260 baby

00:28:28.500 sit back

00:28:29.920 strap in

00:28:30.640 strap in

00:28:31.260 and strap on 1.00

00:28:31.880 this shit's 1.00

00:28:32.560 going wild 1.00

00:28:33.360 exactly

00:28:34.120 all right

00:28:34.840 so this might

00:28:35.320 be a little

00:28:35.560 more sensitive

00:28:36.100 might tie a

00:28:36.780 little bit

00:28:36.960 back in the

00:28:37.380 suicide question

00:28:38.240 but yeah

00:28:38.860 we've been

00:28:39.200 touching on

00:28:39.560 the sex 0.61

00:28:39.980 stuff but

00:28:40.560 does your 1.00

00:28:40.940 dick work 1.00

00:28:41.500 it's a

00:28:43.460 question I

00:28:44.780 get rather

00:28:45.840 often

00:28:46.380 surprising

00:28:47.440 and with

00:28:49.360 as often

00:28:49.920 as I hear

00:28:50.600 it

00:28:50.860 you would

00:28:51.580 think

00:28:51.780 right

00:28:52.980 it's

00:28:53.680 always

00:28:54.400 men

00:28:54.780 well

00:28:57.080 because for

00:28:57.460 me it's

00:28:57.780 like

00:28:58.000 one

00:28:59.020 if it

00:28:59.600 doesn't

00:28:59.980 work

00:29:00.400 like

00:29:01.080 do you

00:29:01.720 are you

00:29:02.000 like

00:29:02.280 it's not

00:29:02.840 a big

00:29:03.060 deal

00:29:03.280 because 1.00

00:29:03.500 pussy 1.00

00:29:03.780 was never 0.99

00:29:04.140 really a

00:29:04.500 thing

00:29:04.740 and now

00:29:05.100 you can

00:29:05.380 be like 1.00

00:29:05.700 god damn 0.99

00:29:06.060 Stephen Hawking 0.99

00:29:06.700 and that's

00:29:07.120 why he

00:29:07.400 was so

00:29:07.680 magical

00:29:08.060 or is

00:29:09.100 it like

00:29:09.600 what does

00:29:11.940 love even

00:29:12.300 matter

00:29:12.580 I can't

00:29:12.900 even get 0.99

00:29:13.120 pussy 1.00

00:29:13.420 just kill 1.00

00:29:13.860 me 1.00

00:29:14.060 like I

00:29:14.340 don't

00:29:14.460 know

00:29:14.600 which it

00:29:14.900 becomes

00:29:15.360 you know

00:29:15.860 no

00:29:16.240 and that's

00:29:16.840 a valid 0.99

00:29:17.340 fucking way 1.00

00:29:17.880 of thinking 1.00

00:29:18.240 dude

00:29:18.560 I respect

00:29:19.580 me honestly

00:29:20.140 truly

00:29:20.620 that's what

00:29:23.900 Jose is known

00:29:24.580 for

00:29:24.900 let's also

00:29:26.720 consider if he

00:29:27.440 hasn't been

00:29:28.020 able to come

00:29:28.540 for I

00:29:29.300 don't know

00:29:29.460 how old

00:29:29.700 you are

00:29:29.880 25 years

00:29:30.440 30 years

00:29:30.760 whatever

00:29:30.940 and you

00:29:31.980 were to

00:29:32.400 unleash

00:29:32.760 do you

00:29:33.040 think you

00:29:33.300 would drown 0.97

00:29:33.660 a woman 1.00

00:29:34.520 if I

00:29:37.260 lived this

00:29:37.800 long and

00:29:38.520 I have

00:29:38.840 not came

00:29:39.500 once I

00:29:40.340 would have 1.00

00:29:40.620 fucking killed 1.00

00:29:41.240 myself 1.00

00:29:41.760 that's kind

00:29:45.520 of where the

00:29:45.840 joke was leading

00:29:46.520 you said you

00:29:47.060 didn't work

00:29:48.020 just even

00:29:50.100 you suggesting

00:29:51.220 that

00:29:51.540 that's the

00:29:55.200 angriest I've

00:29:55.900 ever been

00:29:56.480 on a podcast

00:29:59.080 like just

00:29:59.560 imagining that

00:30:00.360 scenario

00:30:00.920 by the way

00:30:02.300 the only thing

00:30:03.200 I can think

00:30:03.720 of is you 1.00

00:30:04.500 trying to kill 0.99

00:30:05.220 yourself with a 1.00

00:30:05.720 gun but you

00:30:06.240 can't actually

00:30:06.760 cock it and 0.51

00:30:07.560 so you're

00:30:07.840 sitting there 1.00

00:30:08.600 like fuck it 1.00

00:30:09.640 like you're 1.00

00:30:10.320 like this

00:30:10.940 and you just

00:30:11.860 kind of pull it

00:30:12.480 back and you're 1.00

00:30:12.960 like fuck it 1.00

00:30:13.660 I can't 1.00

00:30:14.080 I set up a 0.99

00:30:15.800 fucking 0.99

00:30:16.160 Rue Goldberg 1.00

00:30:17.280 machine just 1.00

00:30:18.020 to fucking 1.00

00:30:18.420 shoot myself 1.00

00:30:19.780 would you 1.00

00:30:23.520 have to

00:30:24.020 trigger with

00:30:24.560 the motion

00:30:25.320 of your eyes

00:30:25.940 or something

00:30:26.420 I gently

00:30:28.980 blow on a 0.65

00:30:29.640 domino

00:30:30.140 this is like

00:30:32.340 a really

00:30:32.720 amazing comedy

00:30:33.720 bit maybe

00:30:34.260 you probably

00:30:34.620 can't work

00:30:35.160 into just a

00:30:35.740 comedy in

00:30:36.220 general like

00:30:36.620 not like a

00:30:37.040 skit but

00:30:37.740 like just

00:30:38.080 like a

00:30:38.480 teenage like 0.93

00:30:39.440 cripple that's 1.00

00:30:40.000 like dick 0.99

00:30:40.680 doesn't work 1.00

00:30:41.280 and it's like

00:30:41.580 getting to that

00:30:42.080 age where they

00:30:42.580 realize sex is a

00:30:43.420 thing and it's

00:30:44.200 just them trying 0.55

00:30:44.640 to kill themselves

00:30:45.300 in different ways 0.99

00:30:46.160 them trying to

00:30:48.680 hang themselves 0.97

00:30:49.260 would be 0.93

00:30:49.580 hilarious

00:30:50.440 oh and the

00:30:53.240 the great like

00:30:54.740 turning point

00:30:55.980 closer is as

00:30:57.200 he tries to 0.95

00:30:57.660 hang himself

00:30:58.200 it like snaps 0.90

00:30:58.900 his neck back

00:30:59.760 into place

00:31:00.280 and then he's

00:31:00.640 fully functioning

00:31:01.320 that's the bit

00:31:06.300 that's it

00:31:07.020 that's how you

00:31:07.500 run that 1.00

00:31:07.940 that's fucking 0.99

00:31:09.220 firing 1.00

00:31:09.460 but his dick 1.00

00:31:10.640 still doesn't 1.00

00:31:11.160 work so he

00:31:11.760 just looks down

00:31:12.720 and he just

00:31:13.180 pulls a gun 1.00

00:31:13.660 out and blows 1.00

00:31:14.200 his head off 1.00

00:31:15.000 the worst part

00:31:15.900 is but now

00:31:16.420 he's stuck there

00:31:17.080 hanging dying

00:31:17.920 and he's like 1.00

00:31:18.400 fuck it works 0.99

00:31:19.260 that'd be even 1.00

00:31:21.440 better he gets

00:31:21.980 a voter from

00:31:22.560 me oh yeah

00:31:23.540 he has

00:31:23.840 automatic

00:31:24.300 he has

00:31:24.860 autoerotic

00:31:25.340 asphyxiation

00:31:26.140 there it is 1.00

00:31:28.100 fuck that's 1.00

00:31:29.580 full circle 1.00

00:31:30.340 he finally

00:31:32.100 comes as he's

00:31:33.080 dying at the

00:31:33.700 same time

00:31:34.900 it sounds like

00:31:36.780 a make-a-wish

00:31:37.660 that's just the

00:31:40.580 name of the

00:31:40.920 movie

00:31:41.300 that's the name

00:31:43.740 of the movie

00:31:44.300 oh my god

00:31:45.400 that's the name

00:31:45.840 of the episode

00:31:46.400 make-a-wish

00:31:47.020 just make-a-wish

00:31:50.020 that one got

00:31:52.540 me boys

00:31:53.060 that's looking

00:31:53.900 as we grew

00:31:55.100 up a little

00:31:55.580 bit

00:31:55.960 well you never

00:31:59.360 even heard 1.00

00:31:59.980 does your dick 1.00

00:32:01.240 work 1.00

00:32:01.640 oh yeah

00:32:02.920 that was all

00:32:03.700 built up for

00:32:04.260 me to ask you

00:32:05.220 to come find

00:32:05.760 out

00:32:06.460 or ask your

00:32:10.600 mom

00:32:10.820 either way

00:32:11.520 or ask your

00:32:13.740 mom

00:32:14.060 yeah

00:32:14.600 yeah my mom

00:32:16.080 come ask my

00:32:16.640 mom

00:32:16.900 well because

00:32:23.180 if you have

00:32:23.780 no use of

00:32:24.260 your arms

00:32:24.800 either

00:32:25.020 does your

00:32:25.600 mom have

00:32:25.980 to beat

00:32:26.300 you off

00:32:26.840 i'm not

00:32:28.120 that red

00:32:28.540 guy dude

00:32:29.140 even i look

00:32:29.740 at that dude

00:32:30.200 like listen

00:32:30.940 well i've been

00:32:31.880 horny

00:32:32.560 but i've

00:32:34.680 never been

00:32:35.080 that horny 1.00

00:32:35.740 i'm not

00:32:39.340 even saying

00:32:39.840 that like

00:32:40.360 i've never

00:32:41.540 been desperate

00:32:42.160 because i

00:32:43.100 have

00:32:43.500 we've all

00:32:45.480 been there

00:32:45.960 but never

00:32:47.480 that desperate

00:32:48.380 not with the

00:32:51.640 woman i hate 1.00

00:32:52.140 most

00:32:52.720 by the way

00:32:57.160 never give 1.00

00:32:57.560 the whore 1.00

00:32:57.860 the benefit 1.00

00:32:58.400 how much

00:33:00.440 crippled 1.00

00:33:01.240 pussy 1.00

00:33:01.620 is out 1.00

00:33:02.640 there

00:33:02.980 that has

00:33:03.840 been thrown

00:33:04.500 at you

00:33:04.900 that's what

00:33:05.400 i like

00:33:05.740 you know

00:33:06.260 it's interesting

00:33:06.900 actually

00:33:07.380 not to

00:33:08.900 logistic

00:33:09.980 how that

00:33:10.420 works

00:33:10.680 later

00:33:10.920 instead of

00:33:11.400 tinder

00:33:11.640 they could

00:33:11.920 call it

00:33:12.200 hindered

00:33:13.200 yeah like 1.00

00:33:16.340 can you fuck 1.00

00:33:16.820 while you're 1.00

00:33:17.100 both like

00:33:17.600 still in

00:33:17.960 wheelchairs

00:33:18.500 at the same

00:33:18.940 time

00:33:19.320 you could just

00:33:23.120 run them as

00:33:23.720 fast as possible

00:33:24.460 and just slam 0.98

00:33:24.960 into each other

00:33:25.660 and that's how

00:33:27.160 that's how

00:33:27.980 the crippled 0.56

00:33:28.580 babies are

00:33:29.080 made

00:33:29.320 that's how

00:33:32.740 they teach

00:33:33.140 it in

00:33:33.460 sunday school

00:33:34.420 it's like

00:33:36.580 bumper cars

00:33:37.500 yeah that's

00:33:39.160 just pouring

00:33:39.600 to me

00:33:40.220 watching people

00:33:42.200 at the bumper 1.00

00:33:43.940 cars and shit 1.00

00:33:44.900 dude 0.99

00:33:45.180 i'm just

00:33:46.100 turned on

00:33:47.100 i got a full

00:33:49.060 raging boner

00:33:49.800 just watching

00:33:50.560 but you're

00:33:51.580 actually at

00:33:52.080 like a fair

00:33:52.940 watching all

00:33:53.440 these kids

00:33:53.940 in the bumper

00:33:54.340 cars you're

00:33:54.800 just like

00:33:55.260 no it's not

00:33:56.020 the kids

00:33:56.420 it's the bumper

00:33:57.040 cars

00:33:57.500 you don't get

00:33:58.560 it's sending

00:34:00.120 adults in the

00:34:00.960 bumper cars

00:34:01.660 and they are

00:34:02.140 crippled 1.00

00:34:02.500 so it's okay

00:34:03.380 it's not

00:34:04.320 it's not what

00:34:04.740 it looks like

00:34:05.140 it looks like

00:34:08.420 a kid so it's

00:34:09.240 fine

00:34:09.600 that's how

00:34:11.780 i get away

00:34:12.140 with it

00:34:12.640 this is the

00:34:14.640 most insane

00:34:15.160 episode ever

00:34:15.760 and i'm so

00:34:16.180 happy it's

00:34:16.600 happening

00:34:16.820 no but uh 1.00

00:34:19.520 fuck what 1.00

00:34:20.100 was the 1.00

00:34:20.360 question even

00:34:21.560 oh uh do

00:34:23.020 you actually get 1.00

00:34:23.860 crippled pussy 1.00

00:34:24.480 is that 1.00

00:34:24.840 right right

00:34:25.740 and how does

00:34:26.280 it work if

00:34:26.860 you do

00:34:27.220 uh first of

00:34:28.520 all i i would

00:34:29.820 never stoop as

00:34:31.040 low as hooking

00:34:32.780 up with a 0.94

00:34:33.380 crippled person 0.99

00:34:34.140 gross 0.97

00:34:35.020 that's 1.00

00:34:36.440 fucking 1.00

00:34:36.720 disgusting 1.00

00:34:37.460 uh anybody 0.99

00:34:39.960 that sleeps

00:34:40.580 with a crippled 0.99

00:34:41.100 person 1.00

00:34:41.400 fucking 1.00

00:34:41.960 you 1.00

00:34:42.720 now

00:34:45.480 that being

00:34:47.300 said though

00:34:48.320 if any

00:34:50.920 i'm just

00:34:52.120 uh i i've

00:34:54.760 never hooked up

00:34:55.340 with any i mean

00:34:56.460 disabled women 0.65

00:34:57.680 that's kind of a

00:34:58.380 redundant thing

00:34:59.440 yes i was

00:35:05.700 waiting for that

00:35:06.380 i was like that

00:35:06.920 was oh my god

00:35:09.460 majority of

00:35:10.040 women nowadays 0.83

00:35:10.580 don't even cook 0.74

00:35:11.660 properly so like

00:35:12.760 what's the

00:35:14.240 majority of women 0.99

00:35:14.900 nowadays aren't even

00:35:15.560 women 1.00

00:35:15.960 that's what i'm

00:35:16.960 saying

00:35:17.200 guarantee your

00:35:19.720 brogue is a

00:35:20.260 better blowy 0.69

00:35:20.860 like what are we

00:35:22.140 doing here

00:35:22.560 no i i've never

00:35:23.980 i've never hooked

00:35:24.600 up with like any

00:35:25.720 severely disabled 0.56

00:35:27.240 women but like 1.00

00:35:28.280 just the middle of

00:35:31.080 the road

00:35:31.420 yeah like

00:35:33.560 yeah

00:35:35.080 it's like their

00:35:35.800 iq is room

00:35:36.420 temperature okay

00:35:37.140 this is where we

00:35:37.660 going all right

00:35:38.380 hello who am i

00:35:39.460 the judge

00:35:40.200 you take what you

00:35:42.480 can get

00:35:42.920 like i said

00:35:43.880 desperate

00:35:44.400 i've been there

00:35:45.860 but no i've i've 0.97

00:35:50.240 had sex i pull 0.93

00:35:51.120 around i've had 0.99

00:35:52.100 relationships i'm

00:35:53.140 you know i've been

00:35:54.500 around i've had

00:35:55.600 some fun

00:35:56.160 are there any

00:35:56.940 now that offer to

00:35:58.360 have you do weird 0.99

00:35:59.640 shit on cam for 0.99

00:36:00.480 money it does seem 1.00

00:36:01.620 like a gay fetish it 0.98

00:36:02.480 definitely does yeah 0.98

00:36:03.320 like there's got to

00:36:04.060 be a niche out there

00:36:04.700 where they would pay

00:36:05.320 heavy money are you

00:36:07.060 offering how much

00:36:08.060 negotiation i'm

00:36:14.120 trying to figure out

00:36:14.840 your price

00:36:15.280 spitball

00:36:17.600 a number

00:36:18.380 i mean i'll tell

00:36:19.060 you

00:36:19.280 higher or lower

00:36:20.520 daniel says you're 0.97

00:36:23.080 all going to hell 0.99

00:36:23.840 fairy coffin says my 0.98

00:36:24.960 cat keeps trying to

00:36:25.700 smack the cripple it's 1.00

00:36:26.560 because it knows it's 0.98

00:36:27.220 an abomination

00:36:27.860 one of god's

00:36:31.640 creatures 0.54

00:36:32.040 the cripple wants to 1.00

00:36:33.400 throw cats against the

00:36:34.540 wall or something

00:36:35.320 you heard me talking 0.99

00:36:36.140 shit about cats 0.99

00:36:36.880 oh yeah that was 1.00

00:36:39.580 before was that

00:36:40.180 before the episode

00:36:41.020 okay yeah

00:36:43.420 funny i love it how

00:36:46.480 you had that bit

00:36:47.160 there about how you

00:36:47.900 like anyone who 0.99

00:36:48.580 fucks a cripple is 1.00

00:36:49.380 just like awful so i 1.00

00:36:50.640 just imagine you wake

00:36:51.740 up in the morning like 0.99

00:36:52.460 get the fuck out 1.00

00:36:53.240 whore 1.00

00:36:53.640 yeah i'm like i'm like 0.83

00:36:55.920 willem de poe in 0.98

00:36:57.280 fucking uh 0.99

00:36:58.020 saints yeah that's 0.99

00:36:59.720 exactly what i thought

00:37:00.460 too i almost said it

00:37:01.420 yeah

00:37:01.780 get out 1.00

00:37:02.680 faggot 1.00

00:37:03.120 i'd pay five grand for 1.00

00:37:11.300 you to jerk off on 1.00

00:37:11.880 camera that's the 1.00

00:37:12.380 answer

00:37:12.620 but you have to jerk 0.99

00:37:15.140 off so it's just 0.99

00:37:15.880 gonna take forever

00:37:16.700 it's just no higher

00:37:18.120 no lower

00:37:18.700 that's that's a fair 0.99

00:37:21.560 fucking deal bro 0.96

00:37:22.620 i've done stranger 0.99

00:37:24.940 for the part of us

00:37:26.000 i marvel at the fact

00:37:32.200 that you haven't got

00:37:33.100 a stand-up special

00:37:34.260 on netflix i i think

00:37:35.920 on the hierarchy of

00:37:37.620 like critical race

00:37:38.780 theory you've got to

00:37:39.760 be somewhere up there

00:37:40.560 that allows you to be

00:37:41.280 on netflix and you're

00:37:42.020 certainly funny enough

00:37:42.920 is your humor just too 0.99

00:37:44.260 fucking insane because 0.98

00:37:45.400 i love it i think 0.99

00:37:46.560 you're like one of the

00:37:47.080 funniest comedians out

00:37:47.840 there and i it kills

00:37:49.200 me that you're not

00:37:49.820 like everywhere right

00:37:51.020 now you mean crippled

00:37:52.140 race theory

00:37:52.780 there it is

00:37:53.560 there it is

00:37:59.380 crippled race theory 0.95

00:38:00.720 that's not very much

00:38:01.880 of a race

00:38:02.420 i mean i guess but 0.99

00:38:07.780 like it's fucked up 0.99

00:38:09.340 that they have 0.97

00:38:09.740 walk-a-thons for

00:38:10.600 people in wheelchairs

00:38:11.420 that is kind of crazy

00:38:13.020 it's a weird flex

00:38:15.020 that's right look at

00:38:16.120 what i can do 0.99

00:38:16.700 motherfucker i'm doing 1.00

00:38:18.100 this for you because 1.00

00:38:18.820 you can't

00:38:19.880 well okay now if

00:38:22.340 there if you were in

00:38:22.960 the special olympics

00:38:23.880 what would be your

00:38:24.580 sport though 1.00

00:38:25.160 eating pussy 1.00

00:38:26.600 thanks eddie 1.00

00:38:29.060 absolute banger episode

00:38:31.320 guys thanks for

00:38:31.940 bringing him on

00:38:32.240 i do want to let you

00:38:33.040 guys know though uh

00:38:34.160 we are you know we're

00:38:35.580 going to start some

00:38:36.060 of this money aside for 0.99

00:38:37.200 this shit for promotions 0.99

00:38:38.180 and stuff so every bit 0.99

00:38:39.200 of money you put in the

00:38:40.000 show for like basically

00:38:41.160 the next year we're going 0.99

00:38:42.280 to fucking you know 0.99

00:38:43.720 game the show out there 0.99

00:38:44.720 and stuff so stuff like

00:38:46.320 that we really do

00:38:46.880 appreciate and uh you

00:38:48.100 definitely want to thank

00:38:48.620 you guys for where we've

00:38:49.380 gone so far and now

00:38:50.200 back to making fun of

00:38:50.840 the cripple 1.00

00:38:51.260 so like how much do

00:38:54.560 you guys actually spend

00:38:55.340 on drugs though like

00:38:57.120 oh i don't like if

00:38:58.740 we if we if we're going

00:38:59.980 to go buy drugs like

00:39:00.820 we're just on our

00:39:01.400 monthly it's like our

00:39:02.760 just our monthly drug

00:39:03.660 intake how much are we

00:39:04.440 spending i mean how

00:39:05.440 much of the donations

00:39:06.900 are going oh that's

00:39:09.260 true all of it when we

00:39:12.860 say promoting we're just

00:39:14.280 like going and helping

00:39:15.140 promote uh like our

00:39:16.600 local weed dealer i mean

00:39:18.080 it's just getting him

00:39:18.800 dude doing it's like

00:39:21.860 when you go when you're

00:39:22.440 in like you have a

00:39:23.040 business and you write

00:39:23.800 off stuff it's like you

00:39:24.760 go to a go out to a 1.00

00:39:25.880 dinner with fucking 1.00

00:39:26.580 friends you're like well 1.00

00:39:27.420 that's a business trip

00:39:28.320 because you know what

00:39:28.760 we're talking business

00:39:29.500 same idea i'm doing 1.00

00:39:30.600 some blows with whore 1.00

00:39:31.420 in the club you know 1.00

00:39:32.200 fuck i mentioned the 1.00

00:39:33.360 show you know like 1.00

00:39:34.080 whatever as long as i

00:39:36.660 bring it up during the 0.99

00:39:37.900 railing it fucking 0.99

00:39:39.040 counts it's it's a 0.99

00:39:40.700 write-off it's a

00:39:41.360 business expense yeah i

00:39:42.720 honestly we make enough

00:39:44.060 from this show now that

00:39:44.860 we could have like a

00:39:45.840 weekend bender for all

00:39:47.040 of us let's do it 0.94

00:39:47.900 fucking awesome yeah 0.62

00:39:49.240 it seems like uh about 0.97

00:39:51.440 as intelligent of the

00:39:52.400 thing that we would do

00:39:53.020 with that money so

00:39:53.760 all right guys we have

00:39:56.320 enough money to finally 0.98

00:39:57.540 promote for fucking part 0.98

00:39:58.920 of the pro on part of 0.99

00:39:59.660 the problem or we could

00:40:01.260 do a lot of blow

00:40:01.960 bring out the cocaine

00:40:06.040 the booger sugar

00:40:07.320 that's good i'm proud of

00:40:13.960 you guys for doing the

00:40:15.400 somewhat right thing

00:40:16.740 by the way when you're on

00:40:19.560 drugs how does it what

00:40:20.840 does it work what's what

00:40:22.200 happens like what's the

00:40:23.500 uh i think it gets high

00:40:24.480 dude probably yeah i don't

00:40:26.140 know what kind of weird

00:40:26.940 this is the kind of

00:40:28.160 question someone who

00:40:28.900 doesn't never done drugs

00:40:30.040 says 0.98

00:40:30.580 boobs feel like sandbag i 0.99

00:40:33.240 just i just want to see

00:40:33.900 what happens like when

00:40:34.940 he's on like when he's on

00:40:36.520 coke does he just all of a

00:40:37.820 sudden start speeding up

00:40:38.560 he just starts wheeling

00:40:39.280 around everywhere just like

00:40:40.560 all i mean tell me you've

00:40:42.000 never done coke without

00:40:42.820 telling me you've never

00:40:43.680 done coke i've never done

00:40:45.300 coke we asked you to

00:40:48.920 bring it to tom with

00:40:50.320 two thousand but we

00:40:51.220 couldn't get it in 0.99

00:40:51.720 i'm a fucking adult with 0.99

00:40:52.900 children yes i i do drugs 0.99

00:40:54.940 but it's not like i can

00:40:55.600 be like oh just go hit up 0.99

00:40:56.460 fucking uh fucking 0.99

00:40:57.780 jethro down the street 1.00

00:40:58.880 and go get go pick up a

00:41:00.080 bag like i love that you 0.99

00:41:01.160 made him black you 1.00

00:41:02.160 fucking pieces oh 1.00

00:41:03.460 jethro to me was a was a 1.00

00:41:05.320 white farmer

00:41:06.280 he's actually selling you 1.00

00:41:10.200 meth how the fuck do you 1.00

00:41:11.500 know a black dude named 0.99

00:41:12.480 jethro i don't know

00:41:14.940 anyone named jethro 0.99

00:41:15.920 fucking wigger like 1.00

00:41:17.240 jethro doesn't know 1.00

00:41:19.020 any black people you 0.55

00:41:19.800 just assume it's a weird 0.52

00:41:20.840 name and i understand it

00:41:21.960 and i have no

00:41:22.580 sensibilities about rural

00:41:23.900 anything so it must be a 0.96

00:41:25.300 black dude yeah basically 0.98

00:41:26.980 i mean the truth is i i'm

00:41:29.000 the only black person that

00:41:29.860 i want in my circle so i 0.97

00:41:31.100 don't really affiliate with 0.97

00:41:32.220 black people 0.79

00:41:32.660 yeah us either

00:41:35.720 well guys uh clint and i

00:41:45.380 gotta run so 1.00

00:41:46.540 clint's like nah fuck that 1.00

00:41:48.420 was that a flex for the 1.00

00:41:51.200 cripple 1.00

00:41:51.660 look at me we're gonna go

00:41:53.340 do something you can't

00:41:54.300 we're gonna do a couple

00:41:55.180 laps

00:41:55.680 we're gonna run in nice

00:41:58.500 money for crip

00:41:59.220 uh no seriously crip thank

00:42:01.260 you so much for coming on

00:42:02.060 man uh you are like i i 0.91

00:42:04.380 fucking love you dude so 0.72

00:42:05.560 thank you for coming on 0.99

00:42:06.460 man we'll we'll catch you

00:42:07.320 next time right

00:42:07.740 oh absolutely

00:42:08.800 appreciate it thanks man

00:42:10.160 this is great

00:42:10.900 hell yeah

00:42:12.720 awesome y'all are gonna do

00:42:13.440 plugs

00:42:13.780 good god 1.00

00:42:14.400 motherfuckers do a show 1.00

00:42:16.400 the fucking night of 1.00

00:42:17.720 we only do this once a 1.00

00:42:19.060 week motherfuckers 1.00

00:42:20.220 reed usually only comes on 0.99

00:42:22.660 just to plug his show now

00:42:23.880 he comes on to do a lot of

00:42:25.240 the show and then not

00:42:26.020 plug so

00:42:26.680 i guess this is preferable i

00:42:28.220 don't know

00:42:28.720 it's a good thing

00:42:30.180 yeah so i am kind of 1.00

00:42:32.400 curious uh you are stupid 1.00

00:42:34.100 fucking based online i'm 1.00

00:42:36.260 kind of curious like where 1.00

00:42:37.220 are you coming from like

00:42:38.640 whether it be politically

00:42:39.960 or like you know even like 1.00

00:42:41.660 fucking or if he's more of 0.99

00:42:42.880 a conspiracy guy like because 0.99

00:42:44.620 i don't know you you are

00:42:45.560 like full honesty we're like

00:42:47.880 all basically anarchists here

00:42:49.160 we're all like pretty into 0.99

00:42:50.740 that shit uh but but there's 1.00

00:42:53.340 like this crossover between 0.99

00:42:54.480 like the conspiracy people and

00:42:56.080 we have a lot of the same

00:42:56.780 conspiracies a lot of us don't

00:42:58.220 dwell on them we're just like

00:42:59.200 yeah we wouldn't be surprised

00:43:00.100 at all or we're able to like

00:43:01.240 have a encyclopedic knowledge of 0.99

00:43:03.140 all the fucking shit that's 1.00

00:43:04.620 been confirmed like fucking 1.00

00:43:05.820 mk ultra and shit like that 0.99

00:43:07.260 yeah so i'm just kind of 0.70

00:43:08.120 curious where you're coming

00:43:09.180 from so yeah i mean uh i guess

00:43:11.980 at the end of the day uh

00:43:14.060 politically i've been more all

00:43:16.860 over the place with uh like 1.00

00:43:18.880 what i actually believe because i

00:43:21.080 don't get on twitter to preach

00:43:23.640 the way i think the world should

00:43:25.140 work because i'm uh at least

00:43:27.880 smart because you don't even

00:43:29.020 work yeah exactly no you're

00:43:31.740 right though because i'm like 0.96

00:43:32.740 that's what i don't fucking 0.97

00:43:34.900 know how the world should work 0.98

00:43:36.840 i fucking barely know what i 0.96

00:43:37.880 want for breakfast dude and 0.96

00:43:39.680 like and you think i i mean 0.96

00:43:41.260 give a shit what i think if 0.99

00:43:43.620 you give a shit what i think 1.00

00:43:45.100 about a certain subject matter 1.00

00:43:46.460 you're already lost like you're 1.00

00:43:49.080 already a shitty human being 1.00

00:43:50.280 because it shouldn't matter what 1.00

00:43:52.020 i think what matters is what

00:43:53.340 you think right so like i i'm

00:43:56.980 not here to preach to you or 1.00

00:43:59.300 be your fucking you know 1.00

00:44:00.480 encyclopedia of knowledge like 1.00

00:44:02.140 you guys said i'm just here to 0.98

00:44:03.920 fucking goof around and i have a 0.96

00:44:05.940 good time and a lot of the 0.99

00:44:07.200 times my politics will change

00:44:09.820 uh depending on who i'm 0.98

00:44:10.880 fucking with 0.98

00:44:11.520 oh i thought you were gonna say 1.00

00:44:13.580 who you're fucking 1.00

00:44:15.080 he's not a woman 1.00

00:44:17.320 i know i was like i was like

00:44:19.080 that should not change your mind

00:44:20.500 you say what you gotta do to get

00:44:22.280 the coitus i can't help i can't

00:44:26.340 help that my my like common

00:44:29.760 sense and logic hates art hoes 1.00

00:44:33.200 but my penis really fucking does 1.00

00:44:35.660 so like i i will put up with a 1.00

00:44:39.940 little bit of fucking like 0.99

00:44:41.020 bernie talk like okay bernie's 1.00

00:44:43.840 gonna win

00:44:44.280 yeah he's totally gonna win yeah

00:44:53.660 totally yep yep just uh yeah he's

00:44:55.740 totally gonna

00:44:56.140 but no i guess i i like i i leaned

00:45:00.240 more like in the uh i was like in

00:45:02.620 the punk rock and shit when i was a 0.51

00:45:04.540 kid so like the anarchy thing really 0.95

00:45:06.920 uh so forth into the bed of me but

00:45:11.360 that scene completely got taken over

00:45:13.980 my oh my god yeah weird weird

00:45:17.180 communist like yeah like okay this is 0.99

00:45:20.160 a little fucking remember when we were 1.00

00:45:22.480 all like talking about fucking shit 0.99

00:45:24.440 up like that was fun and now i i'm 0.99

00:45:27.220 getting yelled at because i said a

00:45:29.240 edgy joke but you guys are doing

00:45:32.180 heroin you know that right

00:45:33.520 but i'm watching you do heroin in the

00:45:39.020 bathroom and you're yelling at me 1.00

00:45:40.720 about pronouns can you get your

00:45:42.520 priorities straight please

00:45:43.540 exactly yeah i do now that he was he

00:45:48.200 was an anarchist in high school i just

00:45:49.720 want to or like the like the old school

00:45:51.820 punk rock anarchist like throw some

00:45:53.600 i was supposed to see him throw a

00:45:54.740 molotov or just be in a riot but it's

00:45:57.200 just him wheelchilling around like

00:45:59.040 and just think of the kyle rittenhouse

00:46:02.120 video the guy with the skateboard

00:46:03.340 hitting him but you just see crypt

00:46:04.500 daddy in the back rolling up on his

00:46:06.260 wheelchair just like

00:46:07.400 do you carry an ar on that thing

00:46:12.160 i i want to get like a i had this

00:46:15.340 whole thing uh kind of in the creative

00:46:18.440 back burner with my bus where um i i do

00:46:22.540 a little like series going to places i

00:46:26.380 have absolutely no right being in because

00:46:29.100 i've been stuck inside for like years and

00:46:32.780 i i don't know what the world is like

00:46:34.440 anymore and you know now that i have the

00:46:37.700 means to get out and see it i want to see

00:46:39.820 the world in its purest form and that's

00:46:42.340 why i'm here today at this kkk rally

00:46:45.880 this seems really interesting uh and i just go

00:46:51.380 around like asking questions like so what

00:46:53.700 is that we do here what's it and then tell

00:46:56.540 them like i'm just you know what i just

00:46:59.160 said to you guys until eventually i die because

00:47:03.220 i will get shot i imagine so i just want to

00:47:07.220 like uh it's like that was uh i posted a

00:47:10.260 daniel tosh clip this week on twitter of

00:47:12.900 him talking about um how black people are

00:47:15.060 better at everything which which is why 0.59

00:47:17.160 uh make what we did with slavery so 0.91

00:47:19.700 awesome because it's like wow we actually

00:47:21.740 did it so like you're like they could run 0.99

00:47:24.380 away at any time and beat the shit out of 1.00

00:47:25.880 us but as just white people are just like 0.99

00:47:27.440 it's pretty neat now i think by the same

00:47:29.780 time it would be really he's like the

00:47:31.240 problem with that joke is uh you gotta

00:47:33.160 gauge the audience to see he was like

00:47:35.060 there's too many uh yeehaws you know to 1.00

00:47:36.980 shut that shit down i just love if you 1.00

00:47:38.960 went to a kkk rally you say the n-word 1.00

00:47:41.160 they start hooping home you're like okay

00:47:42.500 guys maybe

00:47:43.360 this is it's all a joke i'm not you gotta

00:47:47.420 you gotta chill out

00:47:48.420 you guys are getting a little too happy

00:47:50.300 i mean it it has been pretty impressive

00:47:53.700 having those like social manipulation

00:47:55.520 skills to be able to control a populace

00:47:57.320 like that you know be like just to 1.00

00:47:59.260 somehow fuck with them to be like these 0.99

00:48:00.880 things are clearly better than you can 1.00

00:48:02.220 beat the fuck out of you and be like 1.00

00:48:03.340 well hey hey here's what i gotta say 0.99

00:48:05.900 and then they're like oh okay

00:48:06.640 that's what the government is doing 1.00

00:48:10.260 right like they're a bunch of pussies 1.00

00:48:12.100 and 1.00

00:48:12.400 like a bunch of us could probably kick 1.00

00:48:14.460 their ass and we have the numbers 1.00

00:48:15.940 yeah toad you could kick their ass man 1.00

00:48:18.400 i mean it's kind of true like with all 1.00

00:48:21.440 that shit going on right now the 0.99

00:48:22.540 holidays on the vaccine shit and like 1.00

00:48:24.400 now they're getting more and more like 0.99

00:48:26.600 oh bro and it's like it's getting so 1.00

00:48:28.600 obvious because the omicron shit is 0.99

00:48:30.620 supposed to be even like not as bad at 0.99

00:48:32.380 all and spreads more and they're now

00:48:35.040 the but it's weirdly like the threats

00:48:36.880 are getting worse like people are

00:48:38.600 gonna die

00:48:39.520 you're like okay 0.95

00:48:41.220 by the way i do want to change my

00:48:46.100 answer to how we got crippled to the

00:48:47.800 he just had the vaccine so that's just

00:48:50.020 from fetal alcohol syndrome so he just

00:48:52.440 got one one does the vaccine and i was

00:48:54.660 i was gonna say he was that guy that

00:48:56.040 was uh in the boston marathon bombing

00:48:58.360 yeah so i get that right when when i

00:49:02.960 got the uh because i did get my the the

00:49:05.940 one vaccine because i needed to get it

00:49:09.300 to attend this like thing that i really

00:49:11.920 really wanted to go to and it was i 0.95

00:49:14.500 didn't want to fucking start a huge 0.91

00:49:16.000 argument about anything but so whatever 0.93

00:49:18.220 but i did want to have fun with it so

00:49:20.600 when i went to go get it i i made myself 0.68

00:49:23.320 look super fucking uncomfortable and 0.86

00:49:25.340 extra weird and like the post wheelchair 0.99

00:49:27.680 and this little fucking local pharmacy 0.97

00:49:31.000 that's ran by two old people you know 0.99

00:49:34.100 and i'm with the mask on and i look like

00:49:36.660 i'm already dying and i was like it's

00:49:38.960 fine guys i my body came pre-installed

00:49:42.320 with vaccine side effects

00:49:44.680 it's fine

00:49:47.120 how much worse can it really be yeah 0.99

00:49:49.440 yeah like fucking come on i'm not 0.99

00:49:52.060 worried about it 0.99

00:49:52.840 yeah but also like you you probably

00:49:55.340 need less right because people could

00:49:56.720 just easily get six feet away from you

00:49:58.740 so

00:49:59.160 but you see and that's kind of the

00:50:01.360 beauty of it is that they

00:50:02.400 i people already stayed away from me

00:50:04.700 naturally even before

00:50:06.500 so like it was i didn't get why

00:50:09.860 everybody was complaining

00:50:11.220 because honestly having people close to

00:50:13.620 me

00:50:13.840 i hate it it's the worst

00:50:15.860 oh i feel you i'm not gonna lie a big 0.99

00:50:18.480 part of this shit really 0.99

00:50:19.500 i know it sounds fucked up because 0.99

00:50:21.680 we're all anarchists and we all don't 1.00

00:50:23.320 like the shit but a small part of me 1.00

00:50:24.700 kind of likes it because i don't 0.99

00:50:25.680 really like people that much and i

00:50:26.820 like being able to like order pizza

00:50:28.080 and not be expected to have a social

00:50:30.240 engagement i'm completely fine

00:50:31.480 leave me the door 1.00

00:50:32.000 fuck off leave me alone 1.00

00:50:33.360 it's also it's also great just like 1.00

00:50:36.020 like when you during like whenever

00:50:38.380 it was like real lockdowns and you

00:50:40.040 actually did go out and there was

00:50:41.320 just all the streets were clear you

00:50:43.160 go to like go to the store and like

00:50:45.260 you don't have to wait in line for

00:50:46.400 anybody like you literally just go up 1.00

00:50:48.060 you get your shit and leave it was 0.99

00:50:49.740 like so great it reminds me of when i 0.99

00:50:51.920 lived in tennessee because i i grew up

00:50:53.960 in maine and i moved to tennessee like

00:50:55.640 in middle of high school and it was

00:50:57.180 like it's like anytime you go somewhere

00:50:58.660 that's not used to snow whenever you

00:51:00.200 get a little bit of snow everything

00:51:01.440 shuts down but if you're even a little

00:51:02.720 bit used to snow you're like this is

00:51:04.140 nothing i can drive around in it no 0.97

00:51:05.480 big deal like who gives a fuck and 0.95

00:51:07.360 like so that's kind of how it is like 0.97

00:51:09.180 i remember like it would snow in

00:51:10.520 tennessee and i loved it and everybody

00:51:11.720 else would be like stay off the roads 0.95

00:51:12.740 it's fucking it's dangerous i'm like 1.00

00:51:14.160 fuck you and like it's like the roads 1.00

00:51:16.020 are mine you pussies so and i always i 1.00

00:51:21.260 guess i kind of liked that and they're 0.99

00:51:22.540 like uh all right i don't have to be

00:51:24.000 around people which i like so the real

00:51:28.140 question is though six million

00:51:30.220 just let it out it's you're good yeah

00:51:41.520 too much actually so so last by the way

00:51:44.620 last week we had on a guy named flat

00:51:46.340 earth dave and he went all in on that

00:51:48.920 question

00:51:49.460 i'm pretty sure he brought up wooden

00:51:58.220 doors i'm not

00:51:59.400 i mean if you really do think about it 0.99

00:52:04.100 if you want to kill six million people 0.99

00:52:05.760 why the fuck would you use ovens it 1.00

00:52:07.740 doesn't make any goddamn sense there are 0.99

00:52:09.840 so many more efficient ways to go about 0.91

00:52:11.840 this

00:52:12.140 so there was like my my brother he uh

00:52:15.480 he just saved up like a lot of money to

00:52:18.380 get his own vr headset and i've never 0.79

00:52:21.420 fucked with vr at all for obvious reasons

00:52:24.500 and i guess i just never thought that i 0.95

00:52:27.340 could use it what what's the point so my

00:52:30.140 friend comes over for thanksgiving and 0.98

00:52:32.520 he's fucking around with it and he's 0.98

00:52:34.000 like have you ever used it and i said no 0.99

00:52:35.920 said the same thing i just told you guys

00:52:37.840 he was like no they have things where

00:52:39.540 like

00:52:39.840 all you have to do is wear it you don't

00:52:41.600 have to like physically move you could

00:52:43.600 just be in the environment and i was

00:52:45.140 like right

00:52:45.440 you're just sitting in a different

00:52:46.820 place each time

00:52:47.760 oh i was like okay well i mean i guess

00:52:50.220 that sounds kind of cool

00:52:51.380 he was like here let me get something

00:52:53.140 and he's downloading something and he's

00:52:55.880 like here i got it

00:52:56.680 and uh he puts it on me and it's a

00:52:59.380 virtual tour of auswitz

00:53:01.000 where they they it was in the oven

00:53:06.480 actually and so that's the thing so

00:53:08.620 like they had people that were

00:53:10.380 survivors of the holocaust and that 0.67

00:53:13.180 weren't at auswitz like narrate and

00:53:16.060 talk what it was allegedly

00:53:18.100 and uh every now and again it would

00:53:23.280 like randomly just teleport you into

00:53:25.380 like their living room as they're

00:53:27.160 talking and you're like right in their 1.00

00:53:28.820 fucking face and it's so it's scary 1.00

00:53:31.740 because like it's really like their 1.00

00:53:33.820 nose is gonna fucking smell your 0.99

00:53:36.480 change you know 1.00

00:53:37.740 sounds like someone's like making

00:53:39.120 propaganda to be like it really

00:53:41.340 happened

00:53:42.080 at one point this is the point i was

00:53:45.200 getting at as they teleport you into

00:53:47.860 the oven right

00:53:49.060 and and you're there you can look

00:53:52.320 around

00:53:52.660 and as you're looking around you hear

00:53:55.140 the narration of one of the women who

00:53:57.480 was like the worst part was the smell

00:54:01.420 and i couldn't help but think in that

00:54:04.300 moment i'm very sure that wasn't the

00:54:07.740 worst part the smell was definitely the

00:54:10.980 least worst part out of this entire

00:54:13.720 experience because no less than two

00:54:15.860 minutes ago you just told me about how

00:54:18.240 they took a woman's baby uh and used it 1.00

00:54:21.200 as target practice right in front of her

00:54:23.380 i'm pretty sure that was bad i think that

00:54:26.080 was worse than the smell of this oven

00:54:28.520 now don't get me wrong the smell was

00:54:31.160 probably not good it's probably bad i

00:54:34.300 will give you that

00:54:35.140 is it is it bad the first thing i thought

00:54:37.160 of when you said smell was just all that

00:54:38.700 dirty badge

00:54:39.520 was just like all stuffed in one room

00:54:42.940 all stuffed in one room and they're just

00:54:45.320 like

00:54:45.560 and she just goes the worst part was the

00:54:47.340 smell 1.00

00:54:47.760 of all that nasty pussy 1.00

00:54:50.100 just 1.00

00:54:51.980 un-washed 0.98

00:54:53.680 puss 0.97

00:54:54.180 yeah 1.00

00:54:55.380 nasty pussy you threw in the microwave 1.00

00:54:57.600 it's like microwaving fish at work it's 1.00

00:55:02.220 just like man it's all like auschwitz in 0.92

00:55:03.860 here man

00:55:04.540 it's like your worst co-worker

00:55:07.080 it's like every one of your co-workers

00:55:09.280 doing that at once

00:55:10.340 yeah

00:55:10.940 it'll be fun with the figure terryans

00:55:12.760 you know all this one

00:55:13.440 but by the way i always want to ask

00:55:17.600 this so

00:55:18.140 yeah yeah let's um what is the correct

00:55:22.580 thing you're supposed to do when you

00:55:24.420 see a crippled person and they're like 1.00

00:55:26.000 like should you go and help push them

00:55:28.420 like or should like 1.00

00:55:29.860 murder them on spot 0.99

00:55:33.780 it's fine nobody nobody's gonna react 0.99

00:55:36.980 any differently 1.00

00:55:37.620 you can gum up fucking shoot them right in 1.00

00:55:40.000 their face 1.00

00:55:40.420 and people look over and be like oh my

00:55:42.280 god is there oh it was the crippled 1.00

00:55:43.620 it's fine

00:55:44.120 nothing was lost we're all good here

00:55:47.700 the real move is just to uncomfortably

00:55:50.500 stare at them for a really long time

00:55:51.980 and then look away

00:55:52.820 no that's the thing so like it's a valid

00:55:55.400 question because you're gonna get a

00:55:57.600 drastically different answer every 0.99

00:55:59.840 fucking time you talk to somebody 0.99

00:56:01.360 because on one hand you have the 1.00

00:56:04.120 really like i'm crippled hear me roar

00:56:07.380 and i hate those people because i don't 0.79

00:56:10.500 get it like i there's if that's the

00:56:13.140 only thing that makes you you like 1.00

00:56:16.040 cool you're fucked up 1.00

00:56:16.920 so fucking what man like i don't give 1.00

00:56:21.120 a shit you're broken 1.00

00:56:22.080 it's the same thing as being happy i'm 1.00

00:56:24.640 white like okay cool

00:56:26.020 what's funny is i do want to hear them

00:56:27.680 roar because i think it'd be hilarious

00:56:29.220 to hear them

00:56:29.640 it's just like they're the weirdest 1.00

00:56:32.060 fucking boy 1.00

00:56:32.880 they all sound the same obviously 1.00

00:56:36.580 funniest shit is 0.99

00:56:38.420 prove me wrong 1.00

00:56:39.080 like even me being fucking on the 0.98

00:56:43.620 short bus with everybody listening to 0.98

00:56:45.780 the deaf kids talk was the funniest 1.00

00:56:47.760 shit 1.00

00:56:48.140 it's so funny it is just objectively 0.99

00:56:50.980 funny

00:56:51.480 have you ever seen that video of the

00:56:54.280 uh the camp full of all the kids of

00:56:56.200 tourettes

00:56:56.740 yes have you ever that is the funniest 0.97

00:56:59.720 one of the funniest shit i've ever 0.96

00:57:01.720 seen 0.98

00:57:02.020 they they had this whole camp and it

00:57:05.020 was just for tourettes kids like all

00:57:06.780 bust them all in it was like 300 of

00:57:08.780 them 1.00

00:57:08.920 and all you could hear was fuck pussy 1.00

00:57:11.500 cut shit ass motherfucker 1.00

00:57:14.080 and it was just 1.00

00:57:14.880 oh it lost a lot of n-word just

00:57:19.240 just flying around

00:57:20.840 and it's kids too i mean it's like

00:57:24.580 eight to fifteen year old kids just

00:57:26.880 letting it rip

00:57:27.760 just sounding like a crypt daddy uh

00:57:29.820 set basically

00:57:30.620 mm-hmm

00:57:31.580 yeah

00:57:31.860 that is ultimately what you would

00:57:33.820 hear

00:57:34.060 i just i just love the thought of

00:57:36.160 you watching that video and like

00:57:37.480 you're like write that down write

00:57:38.520 that down 0.99

00:57:38.920 that's a really good fucking 1.00

00:57:40.800 cunt bitch 1.00

00:57:41.500 yeah that's a great that's a great 1.00

00:57:42.560 joke

00:57:43.120 where do you think he gets his

00:57:44.100 material man he just watches

00:57:45.440 tourette camp the documentary

00:57:47.120 on repeat

00:57:48.300 oh we're in the

00:57:48.880 that's how i learn new slurs

00:57:53.440 so that's how he also knows

00:57:58.420 about the pedophiles are all

00:57:59.860 lurking in the bushes around the

00:58:01.200 tourettes camp 1.00

00:58:02.000 like did that kid just say fuck me 1.00

00:58:04.040 all right 1.00

00:58:04.600 well i mean he gave consent

00:58:06.280 you can't get mad he said it

00:58:11.680 i'm sorry i'm listening to my

00:58:16.680 camper

00:58:17.060 i'm a good camp counselor 0.99

00:58:19.480 fucking arrest me i guess 0.99

00:58:21.540 also it's a documentary we have it 0.99

00:58:25.240 on film

00:58:25.840 you can go back and re-watch the

00:58:27.640 tape he said it

00:58:28.660 and i just and i said are you sure

00:58:30.420 and he went

00:58:30.840 and i was like i take it

00:58:32.460 i'm pretty sure that was a yes it

00:58:34.280 was somewhat of an odd

00:58:35.300 oh my god

00:58:40.020 oh

00:58:40.880 i mean one of the other things that

00:58:42.860 i uh one of the other questions

00:58:44.160 that i have for crypt was 0.99

00:58:45.180 how do you take a shit 0.99

00:58:46.580 carefully 0.99

00:58:47.680 like do you have like plumbing

00:58:51.240 affixed to the wheelchair so you

00:58:52.660 don't have to do anything like

00:58:53.940 finally

00:58:54.580 just a little hole cut out

00:58:56.840 that just like kind of kind of

00:58:58.600 drops out from the bottom

00:58:59.700 you just

00:59:00.280 it's just where i'm at

00:59:02.240 it's like the opposite of a 1.00

00:59:03.880 doggy bag i just leave my shit 0.99

00:59:05.800 in random places 0.99

00:59:06.780 i thought that was like a

00:59:10.040 colostomy bag i'm like those

00:59:11.520 exist

00:59:12.080 those are a thing you're right

00:59:13.840 yeah i do not have one of those

00:59:16.040 uh although if i did i it 1.00

00:59:18.660 would i would fuck with people 0.99

00:59:20.660 so much if i had oh my god 1.00

00:59:23.020 yeah

00:59:23.300 oh 100 percent

00:59:24.920 how could you not

00:59:26.160 yeah you know just just take a

00:59:28.420 just take an empty one fill it

00:59:29.640 with like a bag of just chili

00:59:31.120 and it's just like it would just

00:59:33.080 kind of be like oh my god and

00:59:34.620 just fill it on somebody

00:59:35.720 it fell on the floor and i had to

00:59:37.680 back up oh i ran it over

00:59:39.060 oh it's everywhere i'm running it

00:59:42.660 on the carpet

00:59:43.400 if you're crippled and have a

00:59:46.040 colostomy bag that like

00:59:47.240 automatically gets you a

00:59:48.320 position as like an underwear

00:59:49.420 model now in 2021

00:59:50.520 no it's it just means god hates

00:59:52.860 you

00:59:53.160 yeah

00:59:54.660 oh

00:59:55.840 it's god just like you know

00:59:58.320 what i tried to give you put

00:59:59.560 you on hard mode so you would 1.00

01:00:00.460 give up but you won't fucking 1.00

01:00:01.420 stop 0.99

01:00:02.060 yeah

01:00:02.660 speaking of that model thing

01:00:05.620 though did you

01:00:06.320 do you remember like it was

01:00:08.160 maybe

01:00:08.580 not too long ago a few years 0.90

01:00:11.100 ago it was that uh black 0.99

01:00:13.680 trans disabled wheelchair 0.97

01:00:16.660 bound uh thing i don't even

01:00:19.480 know uh that became a model

01:00:21.960 like it was blowing up the

01:00:25.000 modeling world

01:00:25.880 uh i i just looked at that and

01:00:29.740 it it felt i'm not the guy

01:00:32.340 that's like will clown on you

01:00:34.480 instantly for being trans like i i 0.99

01:00:37.220 i'll give you some leeway because

01:00:39.400 i think it's a little too easy

01:00:40.720 you know but

01:00:42.140 i gotta give them a little

01:00:42.760 rope

01:00:43.180 right yeah

01:00:44.420 i love it the concerns though

01:00:47.000 that it's offensive it's just

01:00:48.060 like this is too easy of a joke

01:00:49.340 it's just too easy

01:00:50.180 you hear this all the time i know

01:00:53.080 you do

01:00:53.560 so i want to give you something

01:00:54.840 that really hurts you at your

01:00:56.120 core

01:00:56.400 up for up that 40 percent

01:01:00.520 exactly

01:01:01.840 so when when i saw that that one

01:01:05.040 it's just like how do you not get

01:01:08.860 bullied

01:01:09.240 like your entire life because you

01:01:13.260 should not be getting praise i i

01:01:16.360 don't believe you should you

01:01:18.040 shouldn't even exist in my brain

01:01:19.820 that and it's not because of a

01:01:22.540 racist thing

01:01:23.320 fully not like

01:01:25.580 partially a little bit a little bit

01:01:28.740 of racism but you know a little bit

01:01:30.700 of transphobia a little bit of uh

01:01:32.680 whatever it's it's mostly just you 0.99

01:01:35.300 know fucking 0.99

01:01:35.820 what have they done 0.99

01:01:38.440 we need to go back

01:01:43.540 yeah yeah i mean it's like this is

01:01:46.540 not a person at this point this is

01:01:48.040 definitely an affront to nature

01:01:53.820 oh i wonder if this episode is gonna

01:01:55.220 stick around last time we got this

01:01:56.680 dark which i love uh it got

01:01:58.960 plug we are on odyssey so watch

01:02:03.020 yeah last time we talked uh talked

01:02:07.140 about trans suicide that got killed 0.62

01:02:09.520 real quick

01:02:10.260 quicker than they did

01:02:12.180 about 40 percent of the time they get

01:02:14.060 us for that

01:02:14.520 our flat earth one is still up and

01:02:17.220 that got like crazy conspiratorial so 0.94

01:02:19.460 i don't know what gives a fuck about 0.97

01:02:20.840 flat earth they're like uh-huh like 0.95

01:02:23.120 the establishment isn't like we need

01:02:24.820 to control those flat earthers they're 0.80

01:02:26.280 on to us they're like 1.00

01:02:27.240 yeah fuck them 1.00

01:02:28.260 but that trans agenda you got to 1.00

01:02:34.080 keep that we can't we can't let them 0.70

01:02:35.280 touch that

01:02:35.940 i mean

01:02:38.600 yeah by the way so who would be your

01:02:44.520 like top

01:02:45.600 maybe not if there's there in five

01:02:48.240 who's your favorite

01:02:49.680 yeah but i was about to say like but i

01:02:52.020 was gonna go i was gonna go comedian i

01:02:53.600 wasn't go like uh because i didn't know

01:02:55.260 if you had any like guys you're just

01:02:56.980 like okay this maybe don't try to

01:02:59.280 emulate it but like that guy like

01:03:00.480 kills it and he's like 0.83

01:03:01.500 right

01:03:02.100 he's just like

01:03:02.660 inspiration

01:03:02.980 inspiration

01:03:04.140 inspiration wise i mean

01:03:07.380 as far as comics go

01:03:10.020 i i really appreciate

01:03:11.660 comedy and all of its

01:03:13.340 flavors you know

01:03:15.100 like i like all different styles of

01:03:17.700 humor

01:03:17.960 um but i had no particular order in

01:03:21.640 a top five uh i like

01:03:24.640 louis ck

01:03:26.020 um i i really like

01:03:29.100 uh bo burnham

01:03:30.840 personally

01:03:31.700 um he's one of the newer ones that i

01:03:34.880 think will

01:03:35.360 be recognized for a while

01:03:36.980 um and then i like people like

01:03:40.260 norm mcdonald 0.97

01:03:41.940 fucking hilarious 0.99

01:03:43.700 just naturally 0.99

01:03:44.940 um

01:03:46.280 uh 1.00

01:03:47.940 fucking 1.00

01:03:49.080 uh what's his name 1.00

01:03:50.940 bill hicks

01:03:51.920 yeah

01:03:52.780 um

01:03:53.200 yeah bill hicks

01:03:53.740 alex jones you mean

01:03:55.140 yeah

01:03:55.940 uh

01:03:57.920 and

01:03:59.800 donald trump

01:04:01.060 people can get mad at it he's the

01:04:05.380 funniest guy ever

01:04:07.040 oh my god

01:04:08.300 i i like

01:04:09.880 did

01:04:10.520 i i hate it because it's like

01:04:12.660 i hate what has become as the

01:04:14.320 aftermath of donald trump where

01:04:15.700 it's like if you like him

01:04:16.940 or if you enjoyed him it's like

01:04:19.160 you're evil but it's like you

01:04:21.220 really can't admit that's

01:04:22.260 hilarious like even no matter

01:04:23.740 what your politics are he's

01:04:25.280 very i am i do not share the

01:04:26.980 same politics as donald trump 0.99

01:04:27.960 no i mean fuck if he's done 0.99

01:04:29.260 if he's not hilarious 0.99

01:04:30.180 he was the funniest president

01:04:31.920 ever

01:04:32.360 ever

01:04:33.280 like now the the bar

01:04:36.280 is set so high for me

01:04:38.340 and nobody is going to

01:04:40.220 measure up ever

01:04:41.060 maybe biden's actually a kind

01:04:42.980 of funny guy but we look at

01:04:44.140 him like a joke because he's

01:04:45.120 like

01:04:45.300 well that's the thing is like

01:04:46.500 biden is like

01:04:47.740 unintentionally hilarious though

01:04:49.340 just because he just keeps 0.99

01:04:50.340 saying the funniest shit but 0.99

01:04:51.760 like he's just like oh you 0.99

01:04:52.660 can't say that but that's just

01:04:53.740 really funny because it's just

01:04:54.820 watching a guy go senile which

01:04:56.360 is pretty funny in and of

01:04:57.480 itself

01:04:57.860 yeah but the thing was like

01:04:59.440 donald trump had jokes

01:05:00.920 but then like biden is the

01:05:02.640 joke like it's kind of

01:05:03.900 that's true yeah it's the

01:05:05.360 difference between hopper and

01:05:06.980 vermin supreme not that it's a

01:05:08.640 good

01:05:08.760 hopper hopper called for us to

01:05:11.020 make make a make a mockery of

01:05:12.840 the system

01:05:13.380 uh vermin supreme makes a

01:05:15.000 mockery of us that's the

01:05:16.240 difference

01:05:16.520 yeah

01:05:16.800 or of himself i guess

01:05:19.060 yes

01:05:19.400 so

01:05:20.320 yeah

01:05:21.860 which ultimately kind of is a

01:05:23.640 representation of us to

01:05:24.720 outsiders

01:05:25.180 but yeah

01:05:26.420 i don't know if you guys got

01:05:30.080 anything else uh or were we on

01:05:31.940 something

01:05:32.180 you know i was trying to think

01:05:33.960 of another question because i

01:05:34.980 one thing i i talk about any

01:05:36.600 time we have a comedian on

01:05:37.500 because i also love comedy and

01:05:39.000 like all the different kind of

01:05:40.060 like how you said all the

01:05:40.760 different types and

01:05:41.820 genres and flavors

01:05:43.100 i do like funny things 0.98

01:05:43.640 shut the fuck out 0.96

01:05:44.840 i enjoy laughter as well 1.00

01:05:47.060 have you heard of music i enjoy

01:05:49.700 it

01:05:50.020 but that's the thing is like i

01:05:52.060 don't listen to music i listen to

01:05:53.540 comedy like that's like

01:05:55.020 that's what i do instead of 0.99

01:05:56.640 listening i'm a weird fuck 0.99

01:05:57.760 that doesn't like music as 0.99

01:05:59.180 much so i was like

01:06:00.020 whenever i was mowing the

01:06:01.560 lawn i didn't put on like

01:06:02.940 whatever song i wanted to

01:06:04.620 listen to i would literally go

01:06:05.660 on to like comedy radio and

01:06:07.500 just listen to like bits by

01:06:08.920 comedians

01:06:09.460 and that's how i like found a

01:06:11.240 ton of them and that's why i

01:06:12.780 was like like whenever we have

01:06:14.020 comedians on i always oh one

01:06:15.740 thing was um and i asked almost

01:06:18.000 all of them

01:06:18.540 over the past i guess it's almost

01:06:21.140 two years now has all the 0.99

01:06:23.800 covid shit has that changed 0.99

01:06:25.720 your set at all do you do 0.99

01:06:27.180 more or has it changed how

01:06:28.760 you've done comedy has it

01:06:30.220 changed where you've been

01:06:30.840 going

01:06:31.320 has it uh what's it been like

01:06:33.600 over the past two years just

01:06:34.560 for you and your comedy scene

01:06:35.760 he's banned from all the clubs

01:06:36.980 now so

01:06:37.500 because he's only single

01:06:39.320 vaccinated

01:06:40.000 uh no so um i mean i guess i'm

01:06:44.760 i've been used to uh a lot of

01:06:48.140 my stuff happening in the

01:06:50.420 internet you know sphere so i i

01:06:53.780 am lucky in that regard um but

01:06:56.980 as far as getting out there and

01:06:59.320 doing stuff again that has in

01:07:01.680 itself become a challenge uh

01:07:04.200 added a whole nother layer because

01:07:07.260 there's already those preset you

01:07:10.300 know hurdles that you have to get

01:07:12.260 over as the disabled comic you know

01:07:15.200 because if the club doesn't have a

01:07:16.820 wheelchair ramp oh like no no club

01:07:19.480 has a wheelchair ramp that is further

01:07:22.100 stage that's not a thing it's uh so

01:07:25.140 funny enough i actually uh the very

01:07:28.320 last night of the doug stanhope show

01:07:31.020 as i was getting down the flight

01:07:33.900 upstairs was when uh stuff went wrong

01:07:36.940 and they dropped me and i was i was

01:07:41.580 so ramped up and like anxious that i

01:07:43.860 wasn't thinking properly now he's more

01:07:46.140 crippled than he was before that the 0.99

01:07:48.340 smartest way to go about this would be

01:07:50.800 to pick me up put me on the soft

01:07:53.600 secure comfy couch that's in the green

01:07:57.100 room while they carried up my

01:07:58.660 wheelchair uh and then pick me put me

01:08:01.420 in the chair that's a smart way to go

01:08:03.140 about that right uh but i'm so anxious

01:08:06.580 and retarded that i was like no just 0.89

01:08:08.900 lift all of me in it in everything and

01:08:12.400 it went well three out of four times

01:08:15.240 and then there's the one time it

01:08:18.140 always thinks that was there's the one

01:08:20.300 time that went wrong and uh yeah no it

01:08:23.780 was it nothing broke thankfully uh but i 0.96

01:08:29.080 was i was pretty fucked up my knees 0.99

01:08:31.260 were like the size of fucking baseballs it 0.99

01:08:34.660 was insane 0.99

01:08:35.240 uh but like i live in illinois so

01:08:39.680 weed's legal here uh and i just just 0.96

01:08:43.660 smoked myself retarded 0.95

01:08:45.540 until i couldn't even tell where who i was 0.98

01:08:51.220 smoked myself retarded is a great uh 0.79

01:08:53.980 name for the episode 0.98

01:08:55.260 smoked myself retarded 0.95

01:09:00.200 i had to make a wish was the other one

01:09:03.020 and there was one we talked about in

01:09:04.180 pre as well so that's another option

01:09:06.100 but uh yeah i was like uh

01:09:08.720 that was the other one

01:09:09.580 oh grainy coomer that'd be going in

01:09:11.260 on uh like on kill tony whenever

01:09:13.360 michael laird comes on

01:09:14.600 do you know who michael laird is yeah 0.99

01:09:16.320 and like he's funny as fuck 0.92

01:09:18.640 but like again like every time they 0.99

01:09:20.480 have to like they come and they like

01:09:21.420 pick him up because they don't have a

01:09:22.440 wheelchair ramp so they like pick him

01:09:23.560 up on stage then he does like his

01:09:25.200 minute then like absolutely kills

01:09:27.680 because the dude is hilarious

01:09:28.760 and they're like oh yeah he's he's 0.65

01:09:31.540 amazing and what's really what sucks 1.00

01:09:34.460 is that like he's you know fucking 0.99

01:09:35.980 dying like which is like the worst 0.98

01:09:38.240 part because like in like like when

01:09:40.340 he started there he could you know he

01:09:42.360 was pretty coherent and by now it's

01:09:43.960 just like oh man but but again he's 0.97

01:09:46.180 still fucking hilarious 0.57

01:09:47.200 yeah no i that's something that's been 0.67

01:09:49.920 uh weird to to see in you know position

01:09:54.680 like mine because it's not extremely

01:09:57.000 similar between me and michael but it's

01:10:00.300 similar ish where like you are

01:10:03.100 essentially going to be trapped in your

01:10:06.040 old body at some point his chest

01:10:08.200 progresses a little bit harder and

01:10:10.800 faster

01:10:11.180 um and uh you know just seeing the way

01:10:15.220 he's uh handling it kind of as an

01:10:18.100 outsider obviously i don't know his

01:10:20.240 inner you know circle or daily routines

01:10:23.380 but uh it's weirdly uh kind of cool

01:10:27.820 because you can see that he he goes

01:10:30.700 through rough patches i mean oh yeah 0.99

01:10:32.600 it was like drinking heavy as shit 1.00

01:10:34.940 doing coke like fucking he couldn't 1.00

01:10:37.820 even talk he was he would be on stage 1.00

01:10:40.100 and just fucking life 0.98

01:10:41.080 everyone else is sad like oh this is 0.99

01:10:46.220 sad oh no but me i'm like that dude

01:10:49.220 is a living he is like you can you can

01:10:53.200 be sad and all you want but that man

01:10:57.120 he's going out in the blaze of glory so 1.00

01:10:59.140 fuck you 1.00

01:10:59.720 dude if you haven't if you don't know 1.00

01:11:02.100 who michael laird is toad and jose or

01:11:03.740 anybody watching go just watch a couple 0.65

01:11:05.640 of his like either kill tony or just 0.98

01:11:07.480 a stand-up it's fucking hilarious dude 0.95

01:11:09.980 it holds like he holds nothing back i 0.92

01:11:11.980 mean he's like pripped at it dude he

01:11:12.940 just like he'll just let it rip but

01:11:14.600 he's like super smart too like he was 0.99

01:11:16.700 uh all this all this shit is like 0.98

01:11:18.340 really smart it's great it's like 0.98

01:11:21.480 what are you gonna do cancel me from

01:11:23.220 my mom

01:11:23.780 oh that's a good top lops had a great

01:11:29.760 question are you gonna sign up for

01:11:31.540 elon's neuro link

01:11:32.520 no i don't like products made by 0.99

01:11:35.400 uh retarded people 1.00

01:11:36.540 i don't trust him you guys know he's 0.99

01:11:40.720 retarded right 1.00

01:11:41.460 no he's the opposite side of the

01:11:43.020 spectrum you're getting confused here

01:11:44.300 okay right i mean but it does kind of

01:11:47.320 circle around

01:11:47.980 but you saw him try to showcase like

01:11:52.380 how

01:11:52.700 the window wouldn't break

01:11:54.660 watch it not break

01:11:59.260 crack huge crack and he was like all

01:12:01.920 right we'll try this again

01:12:02.920 huge crack

01:12:04.260 can you imagine how pissed you be as a 1.00

01:12:06.220 ceo like who the fuck made me look so 1.00

01:12:08.880 stupid 1.00

01:12:09.400 that's all i'm saying dude is that 1.00

01:12:13.040 i don't trust him so no i would not

01:12:16.840 be getting the neural link uh

01:12:18.980 without being told that i was going to

01:12:22.380 be fine

01:12:22.920 uh if he wanted to personally be the one

01:12:26.080 to tell me this is good we'll set out

01:12:28.680 joe rogan will watch

01:12:30.280 kanye west will be there to supervise

01:12:33.400 everything

01:12:33.800 you're absolutely damn right i will do it

01:12:36.400 i want to see you

01:12:39.320 that would be an amazing just uh group

01:12:42.160 of people in one room

01:12:43.340 just like just you sitting there

01:12:45.880 while elon musk like straps you in

01:12:48.420 he's like all right i'm about to cure you

01:12:51.140 of everything you've had

01:12:52.320 you come out and you're not funny

01:12:55.440 anymore that would be the worst part

01:12:56.800 though

01:12:57.100 no but like kanye west is there and

01:13:00.460 he's just like

01:13:01.080 all right your mission now get kim back 0.97

01:13:04.520 from me i didn't know that was a part

01:13:08.160 of the deal

01:13:08.640 just being in a wheelchair already make 1.00

01:13:14.060 you like part of the transhumanist

01:13:15.660 movement

01:13:16.020 i think so i was actually coming over

01:13:19.120 the bit uh while joining this for you

01:13:22.960 guys when i came up with the the

01:13:25.080 walker shaw suv where i was like i

01:13:27.640 could there's something to be written

01:13:30.400 about how i'm implying that i'm kind

01:13:33.820 of scared

01:13:34.360 to go out for a parade is what you

01:13:36.280 mean

01:13:36.520 right no

01:13:37.440 you ran your wheelchair through it

01:13:39.680 nobody died

01:13:40.360 where like i'm scared to like i'm

01:13:44.240 implying i'm scared to go out

01:13:45.560 because uh you know the way i look

01:13:48.820 and the way people are gonna look at

01:13:51.120 me and how things in the news have

01:13:53.080 been pretty rough on people like me

01:13:55.180 and then i bring up the walker shot

01:13:57.420 thing and i'm like half i'm half

01:14:00.560 vehicle

01:14:00.960 so i'm kind of scared

01:14:03.300 i just had a wild deep stoner thought

01:14:06.180 it's like

01:14:06.800 what if someone mentioned it in the

01:14:09.280 chat earlier something about natural

01:14:10.540 selection like obviously making a

01:14:11.880 joke like how cripples aren't supposed 1.00

01:14:13.200 to be around

01:14:13.520 but what if it's the other way around

01:14:15.420 and that is what's advantageous because

01:14:17.440 we're merging to miss through machine

01:14:18.880 that way 0.96

01:14:19.420 and so we're slowly getting fucking more 0.99

01:14:21.460 and more decrepit 0.99

01:14:22.120 because that's what's advantageous for

01:14:23.840 the human race 0.98

01:14:24.500 no that's the fucking um what movie 0.99

01:14:27.700 was that but they did with autism 0.99

01:14:29.300 i can't remember which there was

01:14:32.200 there was a movie where they were

01:14:33.400 just like autism is actually the next

01:14:35.260 like uh evolution of mankind and so

01:14:37.880 they were just that's i can't remember

01:14:39.280 what movie it was but it was so 0.96

01:14:40.420 retarded 1.00

01:14:40.800 like if you if anyone see that movie

01:14:42.440 june like he's basically going to

01:14:44.280 like a beautiful

01:14:44.840 that's that's the future

01:14:48.660 yeah

01:14:49.400 i'm pretty sure the movie you're

01:14:51.280 thinking about it

01:14:51.780 schindler's list by the way

01:14:53.080 which i agree

01:14:58.280 that was the future we deserved

01:15:00.220 you're right

01:15:00.640 we were so close

01:15:03.900 we were almost there

01:15:05.120 that was that vr that you were in

01:15:07.380 actually it was the vr version of

01:15:09.180 schindler's list

01:15:09.880 it was really good

01:15:11.100 i want to find that because i kind

01:15:14.240 of want to watch that just see

01:15:15.380 whenever they go into the oven

01:15:16.680 because i just 0.94

01:15:17.460 i was really fucking high when i 0.86

01:15:20.160 was doing it and the whole thing 0.95

01:15:22.000 was just

01:15:22.560 very trippy

01:15:23.860 by the way great friend

01:15:25.960 like that is an awesome friend

01:15:28.000 thing to do

01:15:28.440 that is amazing like i mean if you

01:15:30.520 if you

01:15:31.020 if you don't have friends like

01:15:32.640 that you basically have enemies

01:15:34.100 because like you need a guy that

01:15:36.340 will be like

01:15:36.980 hey you never tried vr out

01:15:38.540 all right i have something fun for

01:15:40.220 you

01:15:40.500 a tour of auschwitz

01:15:42.260 and first person

01:15:44.820 i keep my

01:15:46.640 my friends just as

01:15:48.240 if not more interesting

01:15:49.920 than i end up being because

01:15:52.060 uh that

01:15:53.080 i i don't like hanging out with

01:15:55.260 you know 1.00

01:15:56.520 people that have their shit 0.93

01:15:58.160 together 0.99

01:15:58.500 it makes me feel uncomfortable

01:16:00.060 i don't like it

01:16:00.940 uh

01:16:01.720 so i have to go with 1.00

01:16:02.900 even more fucked up people 1.00

01:16:04.440 uh 1.00

01:16:05.200 my my one friend who

01:16:07.320 uh

01:16:08.180 i made in high school

01:16:09.560 our friendship started out 0.97

01:16:12.400 so fucking 0.79

01:16:13.040 cool 0.98

01:16:13.800 because he lived like

01:16:15.000 maybe a block or two

01:16:16.560 away from me

01:16:17.100 and there was a park

01:16:18.420 in our neighborhood

01:16:19.140 that we would all just hang out at

01:16:20.860 and i ran into him there

01:16:22.580 and this is the first time

01:16:23.820 i ever saw him

01:16:24.860 but i knew i went to school

01:16:25.740 with him

01:16:26.080 and we just started 1.00

01:16:27.780 shooting the shit 0.99

01:16:28.480 everything was kind of cool 1.00

01:16:29.820 he was like hey

01:16:30.460 you want to head back to my garage

01:16:32.060 where you just like chill

01:16:32.900 i was like yeah sure why not

01:16:34.320 and i was like

01:16:34.960 cool i'm making a friend

01:16:36.080 this is an awesome little

01:16:37.100 uh like homey experience

01:16:39.580 like dope

01:16:40.500 and i get into his garage

01:16:42.740 we just continue chilling

01:16:44.220 and out of nowhere

01:16:46.060 i i decide to just make

01:16:47.540 a conversation

01:16:48.380 where i'm like hey

01:16:49.260 uh

01:16:50.220 is it like just you

01:16:52.060 and your

01:16:52.540 your mom and your dad

01:16:53.740 do you have brothers

01:16:54.300 and he kind of got real quiet

01:16:56.140 and like a little somber

01:16:58.320 he was like no it's just

01:16:59.640 me and my mom

01:17:00.600 uh

01:17:01.060 my dad's not around

01:17:02.080 anymore

01:17:02.820 and i was like 0.99

01:17:03.460 fuck 0.99

01:17:04.220 i fucked up a little bit 1.00

01:17:05.320 okay 0.94

01:17:05.840 uh

01:17:06.540 and then he gets me

01:17:07.840 out of nowhere with

01:17:08.640 do you want to

01:17:09.620 see a picture of him

01:17:10.640 he's dead though

01:17:11.900 like do you

01:17:12.600 do you want to see

01:17:13.260 and i didn't know

01:17:14.480 what to say to that

01:17:15.420 because that's a weird 0.99

01:17:16.440 fucking question 0.99

01:17:17.180 here's a picture 1.00

01:17:18.500 of his corpse

01:17:19.340 right after

01:17:19.840 but being

01:17:21.920 but being awkward

01:17:23.140 and not like

01:17:24.500 wanting to be the 0.99

01:17:25.620 asshole 1.00

01:17:25.960 that's like no 0.99

01:17:26.720 i was like yeah dude

01:17:28.020 sure

01:17:28.320 and so he goes inside

01:17:30.720 and a little bit

01:17:32.100 goes by

01:17:32.580 and all i hear

01:17:33.580 is screaming

01:17:34.200 like put that 1.00

01:17:35.480 fucking back 1.00

01:17:36.280 and he was like 1.00

01:17:37.480 shut the fuck 1.00

01:17:38.240 up mom 1.00

01:17:38.800 and so right

01:17:41.220 there i'm like

01:17:41.920 oh this is gonna

01:17:42.940 be bad

01:17:43.520 that i don't

01:17:44.360 like this

01:17:44.920 at all

01:17:45.320 this is horrible

01:17:46.700 and by the time

01:17:48.260 i'm thinking like

01:17:48.960 i could just leave

01:17:50.080 like i could just

01:17:50.760 leave right now

01:17:51.380 uh he's in the

01:17:52.640 doorway

01:17:52.840 he won't get

01:17:53.340 very far

01:17:53.960 his mom was 0.99

01:17:57.440 actually masturbating 0.95

01:17:58.420 the picture right 0.92

01:17:59.120 there and grabbed

01:17:59.720 it right out

01:18:00.080 jesus christ

01:18:01.120 he comes back

01:18:04.060 in the in the

01:18:04.740 door frame

01:18:05.220 and he's just

01:18:06.700 staring at the box

01:18:07.900 he's holding it

01:18:08.960 just looking down

01:18:09.760 and i can see him

01:18:11.200 like be visibly

01:18:12.580 sad

01:18:13.280 like he's he's a 1.00

01:18:14.360 little fucked up 0.99

01:18:14.940 looking at this 0.99

01:18:15.620 thing

01:18:15.860 and i'm like oh

01:18:17.140 this is weird

01:18:17.800 this is really weird

01:18:19.200 and he walks up to

01:18:20.520 me

01:18:20.720 doesn't say an

01:18:21.620 entire word

01:18:22.240 and he's opens

01:18:24.020 the box

01:18:24.500 pulls out a

01:18:25.560 polaroid

01:18:26.120 and he's looking

01:18:27.080 at it

01:18:27.460 in legit tears

01:18:28.640 in his eyes

01:18:29.440 like i'm kind 0.99

01:18:31.920 of fucked up 0.98

01:18:32.440 from it 0.98

01:18:32.800 and he's like

01:18:33.620 this is this

01:18:34.980 is dad

01:18:35.460 and i look at

01:18:36.720 it and it's a

01:18:37.640 picture of the

01:18:39.020 biggest naked 0.99

01:18:39.800 black guy 0.99

01:18:40.560 i've ever seen

01:18:41.940 in my entire 0.99

01:18:43.240 fucking life 0.99

01:18:44.140 and this is a 1.00

01:18:46.600 skinny white

01:18:47.460 boy with

01:18:48.620 blonde hair

01:18:49.820 it was actually

01:18:50.560 that meme

01:18:51.280 it looked like

01:18:54.540 him

01:18:54.760 and uh

01:18:56.660 he was my

01:18:57.300 best friend

01:18:58.340 for years

01:18:58.940 that is an

01:18:59.720 amazing

01:19:00.500 fight

01:19:01.060 it's like a

01:19:02.380 big troll

01:19:03.060 he pulled

01:19:03.600 yeah

01:19:04.100 yeah that's

01:19:05.760 how our

01:19:06.240 friendship started

01:19:07.060 that is a

01:19:08.460 massive troll 0.90

01:19:09.480 okay 0.96

01:19:09.940 like all

01:19:10.660 right

01:19:10.880 so i was

01:19:11.880 actually close

01:19:12.500 he actually

01:19:12.880 like pulled

01:19:13.340 that from

01:19:13.680 his mom's 0.98

01:19:14.160 porn stash 0.98

01:19:14.900 or something 0.65

01:19:15.340 go like

01:19:15.760 i didn't

01:19:16.560 ask

01:19:16.960 i didn't

01:19:18.040 ask where

01:19:18.540 it came

01:19:18.860 from

01:19:19.280 jesus christ

01:19:21.620 that's amazing

01:19:22.500 oh my god

01:19:25.940 that's amazing

01:19:26.660 oh guys i don't

01:19:27.940 know if you guys 0.94

01:19:28.400 want to kill it 0.99

01:19:29.200 there i mean are 1.00

01:19:29.800 you guys

01:19:30.040 i gotta bounce

01:19:30.960 but i mean i

01:19:31.660 don't know how

01:19:31.980 we're gonna talk

01:19:32.460 yeah

01:19:32.720 yeah that's

01:19:34.120 basically that

01:19:34.760 should be that's

01:19:35.320 the perfect way to

01:19:36.040 end there is with

01:19:36.820 uh that story

01:19:38.620 crib daddy dude

01:19:39.820 where can people

01:19:40.320 find you man

01:19:41.060 like uh let them

01:19:42.440 know so they

01:19:43.080 can uh and

01:19:44.560 where you know

01:19:45.160 play all your 1.00

01:19:45.840 shit 1.00

01:19:46.100 give us your 1.00

01:19:47.500 address we want 1.00

01:19:48.160 to come fuck 1.00

01:19:48.580 your mom 1.00

01:19:49.000 uh if you

01:19:52.180 guys are

01:19:52.620 looking to

01:19:53.260 look at what

01:19:54.360 i'm up to

01:19:54.720 nowadays um

01:19:56.480 you can just

01:19:57.020 give me a

01:19:57.820 quick little

01:19:59.120 search look

01:20:00.220 up uh bbc

01:20:01.500 on porn

01:20:02.020 hub

01:20:02.320 every video

01:20:05.020 that you see

01:20:05.540 there is

01:20:06.520 me it is

01:20:07.580 a fact i

01:20:08.580 have been

01:20:08.780 putting in

01:20:09.240 double time

01:20:10.460 since the

01:20:11.200 pandemic

01:20:11.600 uh and

01:20:13.620 also if you

01:20:14.460 wanted to

01:20:15.020 get on twitter

01:20:16.020 and just look

01:20:17.540 at a young

01:20:18.580 crypt

01:20:18.920 comedy

01:20:19.340 that would

01:20:20.480 uh that'd

01:20:21.300 be chill

01:20:21.700 thanks for

01:20:22.760 the five

01:20:23.020 bucks matthew

01:20:23.620 wallace

01:20:23.940 and wait

01:20:24.380 that's that's

01:20:24.900 what big 1.00

01:20:25.300 black cripple 1.00

01:20:26.200 that's uh 1.00

01:20:26.960 yeah

01:20:27.280 just like your

01:20:29.860 friend's father

01:20:30.580 i guess

01:20:31.040 yeah i do 0.93

01:20:32.780 black face and

01:20:33.480 everything

01:20:33.840 it's just my 1.00

01:20:36.760 penis though 1.00

01:20:37.320 it's black 1.00

01:20:40.700 dick 1.00

01:20:41.260 thanks addy

01:20:44.060 for the five

01:20:44.580 seems a lot

01:20:45.900 of people like

01:20:46.260 this episode

01:20:46.840 yeah we

01:20:47.900 definitely

01:20:48.100 yeah we

01:20:48.540 appreciate you

01:20:49.060 coming

01:20:49.340 uh i uh

01:20:50.560 i obviously

01:20:51.320 i'm on the

01:20:51.720 host of

01:20:52.000 tower power

01:20:52.400 i have the

01:20:53.300 no way jose

01:20:53.880 show as

01:20:54.420 well

01:20:54.720 i'm on

01:20:55.620 youtube on

01:20:56.640 odyssey all

01:20:57.280 the major

01:20:57.580 audio pod

01:20:58.160 catchers i'm

01:20:58.660 on twitter

01:20:59.480 as well

01:20:59.980 uh at

01:21:01.240 got him

01:21:01.980 at 2020

01:21:02.800 no way jose

01:21:03.400 i always try to

01:21:04.340 like say my

01:21:04.840 old one but

01:21:05.520 uh that's what

01:21:06.460 it is now if

01:21:07.000 you guys want

01:21:07.240 to follow me

01:21:07.680 and you know

01:21:08.340 go go check

01:21:08.960 out the show

01:21:09.400 i don't have

01:21:10.020 anything big

01:21:10.500 i think i might

01:21:10.900 have read on

01:21:11.400 tomorrow to do

01:21:11.960 my uh 0.99

01:21:12.640 fucking erica's 1.00

01:21:13.720 handbook episode 0.99

01:21:14.500 with him of

01:21:15.240 spooner but uh

01:21:16.680 yeah by the

01:21:19.000 way if you

01:21:19.260 just color your 1.00

01:21:19.940 dick black does 1.00

01:21:20.620 it actually look 0.96

01:21:21.180 bigger too

01:21:21.780 i feel like

01:21:23.340 isn't black a 0.98

01:21:24.020 slimming color so

01:21:24.820 it's kind of even

01:21:25.400 more impressive that

01:21:26.240 they're known for 0.99

01:21:26.700 having huge dicks 0.99

01:21:27.340 because it's like 0.99

01:21:27.920 has that slimming

01:21:28.940 effect you know

01:21:29.680 so you know

01:21:31.200 they're actually

01:21:31.620 working with more

01:21:32.380 it's just an

01:21:32.760 optical illusion

01:21:33.400 i wonder if

01:21:34.220 they would uh if

01:21:34.960 they draw like

01:21:35.480 the white uh

01:21:36.420 horizontal lines

01:21:37.260 on there if it

01:21:37.720 made it look

01:21:38.060 thicker like how

01:21:38.940 i always say

01:21:39.620 women with the 1.00

01:21:40.400 white horizontal

01:21:40.900 lines dresses

01:21:42.540 always look fatter

01:21:43.420 thanks anthony

01:21:45.340 appreciate it

01:21:45.980 uh all right if

01:21:48.740 you guys want to

01:21:49.120 drop your plugs

01:21:49.700 yeah uh tower king

01:21:51.360 cole on uh twitter

01:21:52.460 and um also just

01:21:55.660 bringing it down for

01:21:56.300 a little bit we i

01:21:56.880 did joke about my

01:21:57.500 dog but yeah um

01:21:58.780 my dog went like

01:22:00.060 paralyzed from the

01:22:00.920 waist down so uh

01:22:02.280 my wife started to 1.00

01:22:02.920 go fund me so

01:22:03.680 maybe we'll see if

01:22:04.660 we can get him

01:22:04.920 surgery and guys i

01:22:06.620 know bullets are

01:22:07.340 cheap but he needs

01:22:08.020 a gun first

01:22:08.760 that's true yeah i

01:22:10.100 gotta i gotta buy a

01:22:11.240 gun

01:22:11.580 the gun is

01:22:12.320 expensive man

01:22:13.220 listen you know

01:22:15.060 what if you don't

01:22:16.320 meet the goal you

01:22:17.480 can just give it to

01:22:18.020 me i'll run over 0.98

01:22:18.660 your dog for free 0.97

01:22:19.460 that's what i just

01:22:22.780 i should start a

01:22:23.940 like a um a

01:22:25.820 separate go funny

01:22:26.580 just for me and

01:22:27.500 it's just like 20

01:22:28.860 bucks for a box of

01:22:29.860 nine millimeter just

01:22:31.120 like

01:22:31.520 well see if you if

01:22:35.020 you if we reach her

01:22:35.740 goal first we get the

01:22:36.940 surgery if i reach my

01:22:37.820 goal first we shoot the 1.00

01:22:38.760 dog okay so 0.97

01:22:39.840 cole's trying it's just

01:22:43.420 me it's me giving

01:22:44.580 myself twenty dollars

01:22:45.780 so

01:22:45.980 he's trying to pass it

01:22:48.580 off as that his

01:22:49.380 dachshund has like a

01:22:50.480 busted back or

01:22:51.340 something but he's

01:22:51.960 just saying that it's

01:22:52.980 for his broken wiener

01:22:54.160 so we know what it

01:22:54.780 actually is for

01:22:55.540 yes i actually want 1.00

01:22:56.580 penis enlargement 0.99

01:22:57.160 surgery is what this

01:22:58.020 is this whole point

01:22:59.300 i get you that's

01:23:01.340 right well i'm

01:23:02.980 anarcho toad on

01:23:04.360 twitter uh tower power

01:23:05.860 hour we got our next

01:23:06.920 episode will be next

01:23:07.720 thursday to close out

01:23:09.720 the year we have dave

01:23:10.660 smith coming on the

01:23:11.580 show so it's gonna be

01:23:13.200 a good one it'll be

01:23:14.680 all right yeah we're

01:23:16.100 okay yeah all right

01:23:17.760 crypt daddy thanks again

01:23:18.740 man that was awesome

01:23:19.580 it was one of the best

01:23:20.060 shows we ever had

01:23:20.760 yeah thank you i'm

01:23:21.680 honored appreciate it

01:23:22.780 hell yeah we'll see you

01:23:23.640 boys

Tower Gang - December 23, 2021

Ep 49 - Smoke Yourself R＊tarded w⧸ Cripp Daddy

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript