Tower Gang - Ep 65 - The Boofhole Loophole w⧸ Robbie The Fire

00:00:00.840 What's up, retards? 1.00

00:00:02.320 The funniest 9-11 jokes were written on 9-12. 1.00

00:00:05.020 Women jerk off dicks like fucking they're unruly ferrets. 1.00

00:00:08.140 Yeah. 1.00

00:00:09.180 You ever had a 9-11 cocktail?

00:00:12.060 It's in Manhattan with two kamikazes. 0.97

00:00:14.220 Come in now.

00:00:16.180 You see, the socialists don't have an accurate answer for this, and she needs to account for it. 0.99

00:00:21.140 White women must be stuffed. 1.00

00:00:23.120 That's right. 1.00

00:00:24.200 Yeah. 0.99

00:00:26.300 We can stay horny and retarded longer than she can stay sane. 1.00

00:00:30.640 What? 1.00

00:00:30.800 Your ass-to-penis ratio. 1.00

00:00:33.420 Ben, maybe you could say we had sex, but we didn't fuck. 1.00

00:00:35.840 You said n***er. 1.00

00:00:36.820 Oh, Jesus. 0.99

00:00:38.080 Free! 1.00

00:00:39.740 Fat Dave, fuck you, man. 1.00

00:00:41.480 Free! 1.00

00:00:42.400 Free!

00:00:45.260 What is up, everybody?

00:00:46.820 It's another episode of Tower Power, episode 65, four away from the big one.

00:00:51.260 We're back, as always, with Toad, Jose, me, Tarkin Cole, and our special guest for the night,

00:00:57.520 Robbie the Fire Bernstein, COVID Jesus. 0.99

00:01:00.460 The fucking one and only. 0.99

00:01:01.500 How you doing, man? 0.99

00:01:02.820 You know, I think I gotta get an intro. 0.83

00:01:04.980 I like what you guys did there, and I just start off so fucking yelling out of nowhere

00:01:09.040 for people to listen to my pod.

00:01:10.680 I think I need something to kind of set the tone a little bit.

00:01:13.340 Dude, you do come in so hard on your pod.

00:01:16.000 It's like a punch in the face.

00:01:18.660 It's like, all right, what we got today?

00:01:19.980 It's going to be just going in right in.

00:01:21.880 I don't even mean to come in so high.

00:01:23.300 Like, I take a mental note each time that I'm going to be calm, and then I get started,

00:01:27.220 and then I get really amped up.

00:01:28.600 And then, like, 15 minutes in, I'm like, why am I so tired, and why am I so yelly?

00:01:32.480 Like, calm down.

00:01:34.020 Do you start sweating after every one of your shows?

00:01:36.420 I feel like you have to be at the end.

00:01:38.240 You're just kind of like, whew.

00:01:39.420 I actually, I wish I was a sweaty guy.

00:01:42.540 I'm not.

00:01:42.980 Like, I've seen, like, performers, like comedians on stage, they need, like, the towel, their

00:01:47.480 faces to get them all sweaty.

00:01:48.860 I kind of think that's, like, a sexy look when you're sweating it out up there.

00:01:52.720 But I just, I don't have a sweaty face.

00:01:56.120 That's pretty good because you're, you know, not having hair and sweat must be a really

00:02:00.820 bad combination there because there's nothing separating you from your eyes, except for your

00:02:05.580 eyebrows, and that's just going to get run over immediately by sweat.

00:02:09.600 I mean, totally, I like it for you.

00:02:10.840 I mean, I guess you're up in Massachusetts.

00:02:12.360 It doesn't even get hot up there.

00:02:13.900 Yeah, that's right.

00:02:14.660 Well, it did get up to, like, 70 today.

00:02:16.140 But, yeah, you have to wear one of those sweatbands if you're bald, like that, you 1.00

00:02:21.320 know, just get into your eyes and shit. 0.99

00:02:23.700 Before we even get into the show, because I'm here, I got my professional sales headset 1.00

00:02:28.100 on.

00:02:28.860 I've got full sales energy.

00:02:30.860 Anyone listening to this show, you better be showing up for Top Lobster's Ranch Party

00:02:36.840 crossover podcast with the Top Lobster, with the Tower Gang, Power Hour, Rape Party, AIDS

00:02:44.080 Fest.

00:02:46.140 Everyone run a train on Toad.

00:02:48.260 We're going to be getting weird.

00:02:49.600 So, show up to La Ranch because it's going to be a good time.

00:02:51.520 Have you guys done a live podcast before?

00:02:53.560 Nope.

00:02:54.120 I've done.

00:02:55.020 I've recorded live.

00:02:56.360 But no one listened to it.

00:02:58.100 It wasn't a live show.

00:03:00.040 It was recorded in person, more or less.

00:03:02.080 That's the only one I've done.

00:03:03.380 But it was really fun. 0.98

00:03:05.140 But this is going to be a fucking blast. 0.97

00:03:07.100 Like, this is going to be, you know, Top Lobster's house, some report store. 0.97

00:03:10.960 Have you ever been to one?

00:03:11.760 And I haven't, I even, I remember like last year, I was like, man, I would, I would just

00:03:16.140 got like my new apartment, but I just started renting this new house and it actually has

00:03:21.060 a back porch.

00:03:21.780 And so, whenever you started doing this new porch tour, I was like, oh man, that'd be

00:03:24.560 really awesome if I get it.

00:03:25.800 But, I mean, I don't have enough space. 0.87

00:03:27.820 And then Top comes in, moves down to Florida, gets fucking 10 acres and like, let's run it, 0.94

00:03:32.300 dude. 0.98

00:03:32.800 And that is, oh, it's going to be awesome.

00:03:35.080 No, I mean.

00:03:35.760 He got the land but no house though, so.

00:03:38.380 It's all right.

00:03:38.920 He's an hour from Orlando and it's kind of, it's not far from Tampa, drivable from Jacksonville.

00:03:45.640 Only 50 tickets are available.

00:03:47.460 We're keeping this thing exclusive.

00:03:49.020 You can hang out all day. 0.99

00:03:50.420 We're going to be getting filthy fucking hammered. 0.99

00:03:52.820 I'm going to be doing, we'll see about an hour. 0.98

00:03:54.740 I don't even know if I have a full hour of standup.

00:03:56.300 We're going to find out, but then we're going to be doing a live pod.

00:03:58.580 So, dude, this one, I'd be surprised if this isn't one of the best porch tours of the

00:04:03.400 summer. 0.99

00:04:04.100 Let's fucking go. 0.99

00:04:04.860 And it's the kickoff one. 0.99

00:04:05.920 That's the best part.

00:04:06.660 This is the first one we're kicking off right at Top's house.

00:04:10.160 You got to get your aides nice and ready for the rest of the tour.

00:04:12.880 All right.

00:04:13.440 Real question between us, none of you people listening, you're not invited to this part. 0.99

00:04:17.660 Are we showing up early and shooting guns and shit? 0.99

00:04:19.660 He's got 10 acres. 1.00

00:04:20.660 Ooh, I would love to.

00:04:22.560 If that's an option, I would absolutely love to.

00:04:25.640 I've implied it multiple times to Top.

00:04:27.540 I don't know.

00:04:28.120 I feel like he has an answer because he's probably like, I don't want to piss off the neighbors.

00:04:30.800 But with 10 acres, like, dude, he's got to have somewhere he can shoot.

00:04:33.780 All right.

00:04:36.900 You know, here should be the real contest.

00:04:38.780 You ready for this?

00:04:40.000 It should be, we get so hammered that we pass out on his lawn.

00:04:45.000 And then in the morning, we have a contest for who has the most mosquito bites.

00:04:52.420 Reddest or most infected back wins.

00:04:55.780 I don't know.

00:04:59.420 Have you ever had chiggers?

00:05:01.300 I don't know the scientific name for it.

00:05:03.840 I usually, I try and keep them out of my neighborhood. 0.97

00:05:06.840 We call them noodle niggers on this show, I think. 1.00

00:05:09.820 No, chiggers are like these little red, like, insects. 1.00

00:05:12.920 And they, they all down south.

00:05:15.080 And they're like, they'll burn under your skin. 1.00

00:05:16.500 It burns like motherfucker. 0.99

00:05:18.320 So I was like, I wonder if that, if we're laying outside, I'm really afraid. 0.99

00:05:22.100 We could all, like, look at each other's chigger bites. 1.00

00:05:25.220 Well, yeah, I don't, I'm going to, I've, I've stuck away from chiggers my entire life. 1.00

00:05:29.980 And I don't think I'm going to change policies now.

00:05:32.660 Oh, if Adam Nutter is going to be there, then he's just going to automatically win the most sore back contest.

00:05:39.900 Oh, that's true.

00:05:40.660 Poor guy.

00:05:42.080 I do have a question.

00:05:43.240 Is anyone coming from Orlando?

00:05:44.500 Because inflation really makes everything more expensive.

00:05:47.240 I'd rather not rent a car.

00:05:48.520 Who can I mooch a ride with?

00:05:49.580 Yeah, I mean, I'm going to be, but I also need a ride.

00:05:53.580 We'll find someone.

00:05:55.000 Well, there's, Clint's coming up from Miami. 0.99

00:05:57.480 Jose's coming over from wherever the fuck Jose lives. 0.96

00:06:01.020 And then, and then Top even, I know Top was like, I'll go get Toad. 0.97

00:06:05.100 I love Toad.

00:06:05.660 He's like, I'll pick up Toad if I need it.

00:06:07.360 So, somebody can, somebody's going to get you.

00:06:09.780 So, maybe we can coordinate on flights.

00:06:11.480 I think I'm taking like an 8 a.m. from, from Westchester, getting there like 10 a.m., something like that.

00:06:16.620 On Saturday?

00:06:17.220 Yeah, and then hopefully I don't pull a Clint and then just miss my flight and then pretend like JetBlue shut down.

00:06:24.580 It's a good excuse now because they're shutting down all over the place.

00:06:27.660 I know, it's crazy.

00:06:29.560 Unreliable.

00:06:31.040 Dude, is this, how bad has inflation hit, because I'm not flying anywhere, how bad has it hit like flights?

00:06:36.740 So, I got to say, this is, this is the first time I'm really, like, gas prices, I remember when gas was four or five bucks a gallon.

00:06:45.300 I will say I'm so cheap now, I'll fill up my car a half a tank at a time just to pretend like it's not higher, which is ridiculous because I hate having to go to the gas station. 1.00

00:06:53.380 Like, it's so fucking stupid. 0.99

00:06:55.020 And I can afford to fill up my tank. 1.00

00:06:56.320 Like, I just hate spending money that much that I will do it. 0.99

00:06:59.240 Especially when you see that $60, $70 come up and you're like, ah, damn it. 0.95

00:07:02.920 I got to, like, pay $70 for gas just to buy for a week? 0.97

00:07:08.020 Yeah.

00:07:08.300 Um, like, I don't know, I don't really spend all that much money.

00:07:12.100 It's like, beers at bars aren't that much more expensive.

00:07:15.000 And, like, the shitty food I buy from, like, so nothing's been that much of a jump that I'm surprised by.

00:07:20.880 But as I'm booking flights now, like, I used to be able to, like, on a good day, you could find a $90 fight.

00:07:28.200 Like, like, on a really good day, sometimes you'd find, like, a $90 flight.

00:07:31.960 What I would generally envision would be, like, $240 on the high end $400.

00:07:37.020 But, like, that would kind of be what I would expect is, like, about, like, $240 to $400.

00:07:41.880 Now it's, like, everything's $550. 0.75

00:07:43.940 Like, I'm not finding shit that's less than $550 round trip. 0.88

00:07:46.940 Like, it just doesn't exist. 0.97

00:07:49.080 And that's really new because I even did some traveling, like, a couple weeks ago.

00:07:52.180 And, like, that was, so, like, that's, like, the new price of a round trip ticket, like, on the low end, from what I'm seeing, is $500.

00:08:00.540 And what sucks is usually whenever, like, the airplane price got high, you would, like, drive. 0.96

00:08:05.380 But now with the gas price is so high, you're fucked doing that, too. 0.99

00:08:08.800 So you're going down, you're driving, you know, 1,000 miles or whatever the fuck. 0.99

00:08:13.200 I mean, you're there, too. 0.77

00:08:15.540 That's $150 plus, you know, plus food and stuff.

00:08:18.940 You're up at the same price almost.

00:08:20.920 Yeah.

00:08:21.260 Well, on this one, I'm coming out one day only. 0.99

00:08:23.500 We're going to fucking party and do it big. 0.98

00:08:25.360 And I think I'm taking a flight out the next day at 10 p.m. 0.99

00:08:27.960 So I just figure, like, usually I don't rage that hard on these days.

00:08:31.140 I'm just going to rage hard, wake up in the afternoon, do one thing, catch that flight home, and that's going to be the day. 0.83

00:08:37.100 But I'm trying to figure out on these gigs how I can turn, because I fucking hate, I don't hate, like, I have no fear of flying. 0.99

00:08:43.060 I hate sitting in a fucking seat. 1.00

00:08:44.700 I'm a lunatic. 1.00

00:08:46.120 You're the way I talk. 1.00

00:08:46.900 I'm not good at fucking sitting. 1.00

00:08:47.920 Like, I hate it. 0.99

00:08:48.840 So I'm trying to figure out how I can, like, stack more gigs once I'm, like, in an area.

00:08:53.520 I thought you were going to say the masks.

00:08:55.540 They just extended the mask mandate.

00:08:57.720 No, here's the move. 0.92

00:08:59.040 You just got to get the shitty cloth masks that don't work, and then they're not that annoying. 0.95

00:09:02.400 Oh, yeah. 0.96

00:09:02.660 I have a fake mask, so.

00:09:04.220 Oh, yeah.

00:09:04.780 Then you're golden.

00:09:05.180 The thing that always annoyed me wasn't on my face. 1.00

00:09:07.520 It was the fucking ears of the stupid, like, band going around your ears for two or three hours sitting there grinding on my ears. 1.00

00:09:15.060 That was – because I took a flight to California, and that's what really pissed me off. 1.00

00:09:19.120 Because my ear – I got off, and my ears were, like, just burning and hurting, like, rubbed raw.

00:09:23.100 The gators are the move.

00:09:24.580 The gators, and you can just throw them over your eyes and go to sleep. 0.99

00:09:27.040 You know, they're fucking pretty dope. 0.93

00:09:28.320 No, they won't let you wear those on planes, the pull-ups. 1.00

00:09:31.840 The thing that really bothers me on planes is all the Asians. 1.00

00:09:34.640 I mean, they caused this thing, and we still just let them fly amongst us. 0.99

00:09:39.800 Like, 9-11, we didn't let terrorists on planes, and people gave brown people the stink eye, and fucking corona happens, and you got all these Asians. 1.00

00:09:47.960 They just let them sit on the flight. 0.99

00:09:49.020 I mean, they're the same as the rest of us. 0.98

00:09:50.660 It's disgusting.

00:09:51.000 All these of us were calling it Kung Flu.

00:09:52.920 I mean, they got really upset about the Kung Flu joke that it – like, they literally nuked that from existence.

00:09:58.880 Like, we can never – you don't hear about it.

00:10:00.500 I mean, it's just COVID or corona now.

00:10:02.540 Yeah, I'm not a fan of the flying chiggers, man. 1.00

00:10:05.660 Kung Flu's a good one. 1.00

00:10:07.040 All right.

00:10:07.500 Before I – because I – this is what I love so much about you guys is that sometimes I think I'm pushing it,

00:10:13.180 and then I saw your topic for tonight, and I was like, I don't even think I feel comfortable with that one.

00:10:17.480 So, full respect for me on everything that you do on this pod, but I was thinking – I wrote, like, just a ridiculous flyer for our show,

00:10:27.800 if maybe one of you guys can bring the event right, because after I wrote that up, I was thinking that we should Jumanji the flyer

00:10:34.740 and just commit to actually accomplishing everything that I put on there.

00:10:39.460 All right.

00:10:39.960 I mean, I guess it depends.

00:10:42.260 I feel like – you're just, like, asking us to agree to this right now without knowing the terms?

00:10:46.800 Is that what you're saying?

00:10:47.900 I don't think there's no – there's no rape toad on there. 0.99

00:10:51.760 I don't think there's anything that can't be done.

00:10:54.340 It's still happening though, right?

00:10:55.500 That was a binding verbal contract we have proof of.

00:10:59.400 I think the only thing that we might take issue with is I did mention some form of a boofing contest,

00:11:05.980 and I'm not quite sure how that would work.

00:11:07.860 What are we boofing? 0.99

00:11:08.940 Because, I mean, if it's not – if I'll boof shit, it'll get me fucked up. 1.00

00:11:11.980 But anything other than that, that's just gay, you know? 1.00

00:11:13.460 Well, dude, I was already about to ask, am I still sober if I'm butt-chugging something?

00:11:17.800 I mean, that's kind of the question.

00:11:18.680 Oh, that's true.

00:11:19.780 Oh, that should be a thing.

00:11:20.880 It's kind of like the poophole loophole with sex.

00:11:23.240 Oh, my God.

00:11:24.280 I wonder if it's the same with, like, alcoholics anonymous.

00:11:26.240 It's like, no, I didn't drink.

00:11:27.660 I boofed the alcohol.

00:11:29.280 It's basically – it's totally different.

00:11:31.460 I'm going in and out.

00:11:32.760 It's the boofhole loophole. 1.00

00:11:34.260 I've heard a tampon with vodka up the ass will get you so fucking drunk. 1.00

00:11:40.340 You've heard. 1.00

00:11:41.480 I've heard.

00:11:42.220 I've never – I've never partaken.

00:11:44.620 My question was, do you soak it – like, because you know what a tampon looks like.

00:11:50.900 It has that little, like, applicator or whatever that they, like, basically that plastic. 0.99

00:11:54.440 Do you shoot it up your butt? 0.98

00:11:56.300 Do you soak it before that? 0.99

00:11:57.680 Because I feel like – because it's supposed to, like, expand.

00:12:01.240 The tampon is supposed to get, like, a ton of whatever liquid in it.

00:12:04.720 Would it expand too much? 0.99

00:12:05.800 So here's the way I would approach it, and I just speak from the authority of shoving things up my ass. 0.97

00:12:12.880 So you're probably going to – first, you really want to, like, bend all the way. 0.98

00:12:18.020 You want to stretch a little bit.

00:12:19.160 It's really important.

00:12:20.460 So the way that, like, you would stretch before a run where you would bend, like, hands over toes, you want to do that. 0.96

00:12:25.580 But you want to hold your hands on your ass cheek. 1.00

00:12:27.400 So you really just want to be able to, like, spread it a little bit. 0.97

00:12:30.740 You just got to do, like, 15 goatsees to warm up, and then you're good. 0.98

00:12:34.640 Basically.

00:12:35.340 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:12:36.180 You see?

00:12:36.820 Toad knows how to do it.

00:12:38.080 I do.

00:12:39.380 It's like I'm a professional boofer.

00:12:40.980 It's great.

00:12:41.900 That's right.

00:12:44.420 Oh, man.

00:12:45.140 So you get all limbered up, and then you just kind of, like – is there anything special with the applicator, or do you go – is it already – do you soak it while it's in the plastic thing, or do you already push it out and then soak that in vodka and then just kind of – 0.99

00:12:57.560 Well, Toad, you have a vagina, so tell us when it comes to – 1.00

00:13:03.900 Toad, finish – yeah, how do – by the way, this is such a funny bit, because every week 0.99

00:13:09.480 we found out something else Toad doesn't know about sex or human biology that has to do with 0.59

00:13:14.660 genitals.

00:13:16.000 Oh, can I tell a fun Toad story?

00:13:20.100 That's always a good thing to hear.

00:13:21.800 So, well, Toad came out for one of the shows in Boston, and then afterwards we went to hit

00:13:29.640 up a bar, and so I invited – I was like, Toad, we're going to a bar.

00:13:32.520 Come on.

00:13:32.820 You're coming with, right?

00:13:33.760 Hell yeah.

00:13:34.080 We walk into this bar, and Toad just walks – he just walks behind the bar, like on the bartender side

00:13:44.000 of the bar.

00:13:45.140 He walks dead center to the middle of the bar, and then just turns around and faces forward,

00:13:50.720 like as if he's just, like, staring into space to order a drink, but, like, almost like he's the bartender.

00:13:56.140 Like, he just walked, and he just, like, stares forward, like, waiting for us to, like, join.

00:14:00.280 And, like, I'm at the end of the bar trying to yell to him, because I know the second the bartender

00:14:04.720 sees this, he's being thrown out.

00:14:06.060 So I'm yelling, Toad, come on, like – and he's just committed to standing there, right?

00:14:11.440 Just committed that, like, this is my place in the world.

00:14:14.300 I'm getting a vision from God.

00:14:15.720 Do not remove me from this setting.

00:14:17.940 So right away they were like, you know, that guy's got to go.

00:14:21.960 So – but Toad was so hammered, I just pulled a move of, like, hey, we're going – and then I walked him

00:14:26.780 outside, and then he looked at me with, like, the most kindest child.

00:14:30.280 Like, face and go, oh, did I just get thrown out of the bar?

00:14:36.160 And I'm like, I'm sorry, buddy, you did. 0.99

00:14:38.560 Bars closed in a half hour, and I'd come hang out with you, but I'm trying to have sex with this chick 1.00

00:14:42.520 because you're on your own. 0.99

00:14:44.340 Well, I hope you succeed.

00:14:48.000 Yeah, and then I was like, you're sure – and he was so drunk, I was like, you're sure you can get home okay, right?

00:14:53.160 And he's like, yeah, yeah, I got this.

00:14:54.520 I'm not even that drunk.

00:14:55.360 And I'm like, all right, good enough for me.

00:14:56.860 Good luck, buddy.

00:14:58.340 I feel like it would be a lot of funnier.

00:14:59.900 He was like, I don't know, man.

00:15:01.300 I might have a trouble.

00:15:02.160 I don't know.

00:15:02.840 I'm really drunk.

00:15:04.080 And you're like, well, that's nice, man.

00:15:05.160 See ya.

00:15:05.420 So what happened was, like, we went in, like, this back entrance into the bar because I guess either Robbie or BK Chris must have known about this bar, I think.

00:15:15.040 Is that what happened?

00:15:15.780 We went into the bar.

00:15:16.140 No, all right.

00:15:16.800 So to your credit, that is the entrance.

00:15:20.920 It's weird because the entrance comes from behind.

00:15:23.460 It's behind the bar.

00:15:24.660 And the bar does split.

00:15:27.060 So it's conceivable why you would take a couple steps in that direction and then realize you just fully committed to I work here now.

00:15:35.920 I started listening in drinks, actually.

00:15:38.860 That's what he's not saying.

00:15:39.240 Dude, that would actually be a baller move if you just go back there and you just poured yourself a drink.

00:15:43.780 I made a 911 cocktail perfectly.

00:15:45.860 Yeah.

00:15:46.300 Let's just go back there, pour a couple drinks, and then just swing back around the other side.

00:15:50.620 Nobody is any of the wiser.

00:15:51.920 They just think, like, a midget works at the bar. 1.00

00:15:54.040 It's a baller movement.

00:15:54.880 Actually, one of my coworkers at my previous company, that sort of happened to him one time.

00:16:01.460 We were at this bar in Boston, and he was hammered, and he just jumped behind the bar at one point and grabbed an entire bottle of vodka.

00:16:09.640 Like, I think it was top-shelf vodka.

00:16:11.660 And he was like, this is on the company, man.

00:16:14.500 It's on the company tab.

00:16:15.740 Put it on the tab.

00:16:16.700 We're like, sir, you're out of here.

00:16:20.000 They usually don't like when people get behind the bar.

00:16:22.640 It's kind of like anybody coming up on the stage of a comedy show.

00:16:26.720 It's kind of frowned upon.

00:16:28.540 I mean, it's not like – it's a little bit.

00:16:31.020 It's a little faux pas, really, is what it is.

00:16:33.540 I do love the idea that he pulled that, like, video game move of, like, the NPC character that's in a weird, like, just, like, standing.

00:16:39.140 It's looking at a tree or something.

00:16:41.320 He just paused.

00:16:43.040 I'm telling you.

00:16:43.600 He stood there like he was getting a message from God, and we interrupted it by telling him he had to move.

00:16:48.820 Or he was like, no, my future's coming to me, you know?

00:16:51.040 I was actually pissing my pants.

00:16:54.240 No, I wasn't.

00:16:55.860 I was like, Robbie, have you ever had anybody come or even try to come up on the stage?

00:16:59.620 Have you ever had anyone come?

00:17:00.300 Yeah.

00:17:02.180 No, that's been more of a challenge.

00:17:05.540 No, I had once in – I used to play this club called LOL.

00:17:10.780 It was the world's worst club in the entire world.

00:17:12.740 And I used to go up – sometimes the lineup was, like, three high-energy black guys and then me.

00:17:21.860 And, like, I – and sometimes, like, the crowd was real urban, and, like, they just hated me.

00:17:27.620 Like, it was just a battle.

00:17:28.980 And, like, that place was scary because, like, if you bombed, you could end up in a fight.

00:17:33.660 Like, you had to, like, really, like, be on the audience.

00:17:37.220 Not that I ever ended up in it, but, like, it just – there's clubs that, like, that's not on your mind.

00:17:41.980 I'm just telling you, this was, like, kind of an intimidating place because the room could really turn on you.

00:17:46.480 So I had this one night.

00:17:47.520 I'm in there, and my sets – I'm, like, I'm doing – like, I'm doing great.

00:17:51.620 I tell some joke.

00:17:52.620 The entire room laughs at it. 0.95

00:17:54.460 And some, like, giant black guy in the back row just decides what I said was offensive. 0.97

00:17:59.340 He's too drunk. 0.97

00:18:00.200 He doesn't even know what I said.

00:18:01.220 He just decided what I said was offensive, and he said something.

00:18:05.580 And so when I did this literally just to make enough noise in the room that security would realize there was a problem, like, he said something.

00:18:12.940 I was, like, everybody, boo this man and the entire audience because I was doing well and he was out of line.

00:18:19.180 The entire room just started to, like, boo him, right?

00:18:21.940 And I did that because I was just trying to, like – I knew that there was no way I was winning this guy over.

00:18:27.020 He was, like, too drunk, and so I was just trying to get security in the room.

00:18:30.060 And so when I went – when I screamed, boo this man, I guess the security guard who I was friends with, the guy's name was, like, Kendall, who used to come in – like, he would come in.

00:18:38.200 He would get my back, like, if I was having problems with someone.

00:18:40.540 Some, like, just waiter stepped into the room, and the guy got up from his seat, and literally the waiter just stepped out of the way.

00:18:46.840 And I was, like, this is going to be a problem.

00:18:49.120 And I saw – I saw the guy walking, and he had a beer bottle in his backhand, right?

00:18:55.060 Oh, that's good.

00:18:56.140 So I'm standing on – I'm standing on stage, and I'm just kind of, like, watching that beer bottle.

00:19:00.860 And what was funny was a high stage.

00:19:02.860 The stage is, like, where my chest is.

00:19:04.280 It was, like, a high stage.

00:19:05.940 And the guy starts walking up the stairs, and, like – I was, like, really debating because, like, I had the whole time he was coming up the stairs.

00:19:12.280 Like, in my head, I was, like, I could just kick this guy, and he'd fall, like – you know what I mean?

00:19:16.060 Like, it seemed like he was coming up, but I was, like, I better kind of wait until he – and I was really watching the bottle.

00:19:20.980 Like, I really just kind of was keeping an eye on the bottle.

00:19:23.840 It was the weirdest thing.

00:19:24.740 So he walked up on the stage, walked all the way up to me, and, like – I think he was, like, expecting me to throw a pole.

00:19:30.240 Like, I don't know.

00:19:30.800 He just, like, did nothing, turned back around, started walking away, and then he actually chucked the bottle at me.

00:19:37.440 And, like, just, like, overhand chucked it.

00:19:40.600 And I'm telling you, at that time, I used to, like, hit – you guys ever – you guys know where, like, a double-end bag is?

00:19:45.940 Oh, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:19:46.860 So I can't – dude, I can't box for shit. 1.00

00:19:48.720 If you put me in the eye, I'd be fucking toast. 0.99

00:19:50.500 But I was hitting the double-end bag a lot, and I'm telling you, I just saw it in – that double-end bag saved my life. 0.99

00:19:55.640 Like, I just saw it.

00:19:56.460 Like, literally, it went right over my shoulder, hit the wall.

00:19:59.940 Like, there was a curtain there, so it kind of broke the fall and went to the floor.

00:20:03.060 But I think that's the only time I ever had anyone, like – that was the closest to, you know, getting into, like, a full-fledged flight on stage.

00:20:10.600 Oh, man.

00:20:11.420 Look at here.

00:20:12.440 What's up, man?

00:20:12.740 We got some color in the show tonight.

00:20:15.560 Let's go.

00:20:15.940 What's up?

00:20:16.480 What's up?

00:20:17.960 What's up, Lobster, man?

00:20:19.740 What's up?

00:20:20.200 I'm realizing I'm looking – man, moving to Florida wasn't a good move for my white supremacy act.

00:20:25.140 My tan is, like –

00:20:26.740 You're getting less and less ethnically ambiguous.

00:20:30.000 Seriously.

00:20:30.580 These guys are, like, just not talking to me now.

00:20:32.560 They're, like, I don't know if you can be on the show anymore. 0.93

00:20:34.280 I didn't realize moving to Florida made you black, so –

00:20:38.420 No, I mean, he's definitely – the problem is he's looking way more Middle Eastern than, like – 1.00

00:20:43.600 He's not even – he doesn't even look like Puerto Rican or anything.

00:20:46.640 He just looks Middle Eastern.

00:20:47.520 Yeah, you look less trustworthy now.

00:20:50.740 I can't imagine how. 0.72

00:20:53.180 You look like you smell like cheap cologne. 0.95

00:20:55.220 Let's just put it that way. 1.00

00:20:56.480 No, like you just killed a goat. 0.82

00:20:58.080 You look like you just flew a plane into a tower. 0.87

00:21:03.380 Wow.

00:21:03.900 That's called the Puerto Rican shower, guys. 0.52

00:21:05.580 So if you didn't know, you know, that's how we roll over here, man.

00:21:08.560 Puerto Rican shower. 0.63

00:21:10.860 It's just cologne.

00:21:12.060 It's just cologne right over whatever's going on.

00:21:15.240 You got a nice musk going.

00:21:16.840 That's why so many women end up pregnant. 1.00

00:21:18.840 It's the – it's that mixture of body odor and cologne.

00:21:23.640 It's whatever that pheromones came together, and, like, it becomes, like, a super pheromone.

00:21:28.800 And then, like, it basically impregnates them without even having sex. 0.86

00:21:32.060 No, it plows a path through the vaginal canal. 1.00

00:21:34.500 It, like, opens it up, and then the sperm's got, like, a clear path.

00:21:37.920 Yeah.

00:21:38.440 I love how Cole didn't know what foreskin was just a couple episodes ago. 0.99

00:21:43.800 Now his wife's pregnant, so he's a fucking master at all this stuff. 1.00

00:21:47.240 But go ahead. 1.00

00:21:47.580 Tell us how this goes.

00:21:49.520 No, sorry.

00:21:50.460 I'm sorry. 0.98

00:21:51.040 But Toad is the one that didn't know what foreskin or vagina looks like. 1.00

00:21:55.320 Well, even though I don't have foreskin, but I had it until I was three, so I know a little bit about it. 0.91

00:22:01.280 All right.

00:22:01.560 Here's an incredibly inappropriate question, but I feel like this is the right place for it. 0.92

00:22:06.240 Mr. King Cole, do you know the particular fornication that conceived this child?

00:22:12.040 It was before a show, actually. 0.60

00:22:14.880 It was on – it was – yes, I actually know – well, so –

00:22:17.820 What position?

00:22:18.320 No, it was – it was because I know it was – they gave a date, or they said, like, it's this seven weeks and one day or whatever whenever we're there.

00:22:30.820 And you only have sex once every seven weeks, so it's easy to pin down.

00:22:33.840 It was easy to pinpoint.

00:22:35.560 But it was – I remember I was, like – I was going back, and I was, like, seven weeks and one day?

00:22:39.500 I was, like, that was a Wednesday.

00:22:41.540 I was, like, I only have sex before the show, so I guess the baby was created right before Tower Power Hour, which is pretty awesome, I think.

00:22:49.260 But, yeah, so it was then.

00:22:50.540 I thought it was at Duke Chastain's house at LP Florida.

00:22:54.160 I saw Dave Smith for the first time that weekend, and I thought that –

00:22:57.140 Well, that would do it, yeah.

00:22:58.220 I feel like that time would be way off, but, I mean, maybe – I don't know.

00:23:01.600 Dave is so –

00:23:02.360 It was actually the –

00:23:03.540 It was that weekend, by the way, so it was just right – yeah, it was right there.

00:23:08.760 Well, Dave can conceive through proxy, so I thought it was that. 0.99

00:23:12.900 He just imbued me with his baby-making powers that he has in his penis right now. 1.00

00:23:20.140 He's utilizing the weather to move his cum. 1.00

00:23:28.440 Speaking of Zyklon April showers, I mean – 0.97

00:23:31.240 No, no, no, no, hold on.

00:23:35.020 Hold on, because Robbie said he had some stuff on his –

00:23:38.420 What was it?

00:23:40.660 Your – was it Eventbrite?

00:23:42.780 Yeah, can you – I'm working off my phone.

00:23:45.080 Can any of you guys pull it up?

00:23:47.260 I have it.

00:23:47.860 I have your –

00:23:48.800 Hold on.

00:23:49.600 I got it.

00:23:49.920 I got it right here.

00:23:50.740 We can.

00:23:52.200 As long as it's not –

00:23:53.340 Well, Cole, if you do it, though, Toad will no longer be expected to, so –

00:23:57.960 I got it.

00:23:59.300 It's right now.

00:24:00.360 Where's Clint?

00:24:00.960 Is he still talking with –

00:24:02.020 He stood us up. 1.00

00:24:02.840 Fucking big dog over there. 1.00

00:24:04.020 No, I got a message from his old lady. 1.00

00:24:06.620 He's not feeling good. 1.00

00:24:07.500 So Reed left us for pussy, and Clint left us because he's being a pussy. 1.00

00:24:12.580 Probably. 1.00

00:24:13.260 How dare they.

00:24:14.120 Adam Kokish got to him.

00:24:16.220 It's actually poison.

00:24:17.160 Poison is mine.

00:24:18.200 Yeah, that's right. 0.96

00:24:18.960 He pussified him virtually.

00:24:20.880 Hey, can you add my – Toad, add my thing. 0.79

00:24:23.260 Yep.

00:24:24.720 All right, so this is what we got right here.

00:24:26.320 Is this what you're talking about?

00:24:27.820 And that's top lobster artwork right there.

00:24:30.680 And we're going to replace it once we get, like, a show post or something.

00:24:36.140 Because, Top, you're doing art for that right now, right?

00:24:39.840 Working on it.

00:24:40.900 You're working on it.

00:24:41.780 That's what it is.

00:24:42.060 That's going to – the two and a half takes will come right after that.

00:24:45.480 Well, now, wait a minute.

00:24:46.620 I thought that we were supposed to be –

00:24:47.280 Once you get to at least a few hundred subs.

00:24:49.740 I thought we were supposed to be looking at something really offensive here.

00:24:52.320 Is it in the about?

00:24:55.100 Is it in the –

00:24:55.660 No, no.

00:24:56.140 I'm thinking that whatever I put in there, we should actually try and get done.

00:25:00.980 Jumanji style.

00:25:01.780 It's there.

00:25:02.140 We got to do it now.

00:25:03.360 But I don't even know what I wrote.

00:25:05.640 I just wrote some nonsense. 0.52

00:25:07.800 All right.

00:25:08.220 This is super exclusive.

00:25:10.020 Okay, I get where you're coming from now. 0.98

00:25:11.280 I put a bunch of random shit, and it would be fun if we actually tried to do this random shit. 1.00

00:25:14.580 You guys said that you were all going to fuck me and finally give me AIDS. 1.00

00:25:17.920 You said that we were going to butt chug alcohol. 1.00

00:25:20.520 No, no, but that's not in there.

00:25:21.760 I think the only thing that's in there that would be hard to accomplish is the boofing.

00:25:26.060 Some of this was just like arts and crafts.

00:25:28.680 I got it.

00:25:29.260 I got it right here.

00:25:30.100 So, yeah, I can't read it.

00:25:31.900 You guys read it.

00:25:32.960 No, I'll just read the whole thing because basically go to Eventbrite, which is forward slash Tower Fire at the Lobster Ranch.

00:25:39.800 Read it in its entirety, please.

00:25:41.440 I'm not going to read the entire thing.

00:25:43.660 No, let's read the whole thing.

00:25:45.460 It is Tower Fire at the Lobster Ranch, Lady Lake, Florida, Stand Up in Live Pod,

00:25:49.220 which basically describes everything that's going to happen that night.

00:25:51.980 I was really hoping that we'd find out that Cole can't read. 0.94

00:25:55.040 He's like that retarded from the class. 1.00

00:25:57.320 I thought we already did. 0.97

00:25:58.240 We knew that the whole time.

00:25:59.420 This is super exclusive.

00:26:06.440 He just sounded like Mike Tyson there.

00:26:09.200 So, this is a super exclusive backyard movie party.

00:26:11.140 By the way, wait.

00:26:12.000 Can I just say, you know, I'm looking to my left and they're filming SDR, 0.98

00:26:16.140 and there's like a naked hooker on the table right now. 1.00

00:26:18.880 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:26:19.400 Pan over. 1.00

00:26:20.480 No.

00:26:20.660 I feel like this is subscriber only.

00:26:26.420 Wait.

00:26:26.880 I'll get it from an angle so you don't see the –

00:26:28.820 but can you see it's in the other room?

00:26:31.660 I can't see.

00:26:32.200 Oh.

00:26:33.220 Nice. 0.99

00:26:34.860 I'll jerk off to it later.

00:26:36.620 Is this in Gas Digital Studios right now?

00:26:38.740 Are you in Gas Digital Studios?

00:26:39.600 I'm standing in Studio B, and in Studio A,

00:26:43.300 I don't know what is going on,

00:26:45.420 but it's chaotic over there.

00:26:48.520 So, I can't tell if someone's getting redressed or more undressed.

00:26:56.420 Guys, this is the closest we're going to get this show to Gas Digital.

00:27:00.140 That's what I was about to say.

00:27:00.880 I'm basking it.

00:27:02.780 We made it.

00:27:04.280 Basically, what happened is they stole our bit,

00:27:06.900 and so now this is what we get.

00:27:08.540 This is the recompense we get from them stealing our bit of worst person or whatever.

00:27:15.460 Let Robbie know.

00:27:16.300 I don't know if he's aware.

00:27:17.180 The Legion of Skanks sunk to such a level that they had their scouts looking around 1.00

00:27:22.260 these young, fledgling podcasts and stealing bits from them.

00:27:24.740 Here's the craziest thing is, so Luis J. Gomez followed me the day before,

00:27:29.760 and then the next day they just air our bit.

00:27:32.260 I was like, amazing.

00:27:33.120 What was the bit in question?

00:27:35.520 Rape Toad? 0.99

00:27:36.540 No, no, no. 0.95

00:27:38.440 I think it's called Who Sucks? 0.98

00:27:40.760 Tournament of Sucks. 0.97

00:27:41.920 It's a terrible name. 0.94

00:27:43.060 He just took our premise and watered it down and made it gayer. 0.93

00:27:47.220 Yeah.

00:27:48.500 Exactly.

00:27:48.820 And then had much funnier people to talk about it.

00:27:51.280 So, I mean, it was... 1.00

00:27:52.640 Motherfuckers. 1.00

00:27:53.760 Just some trade-offs. 1.00

00:27:55.880 Yeah, all we could do was rob you the fire, fucking... 0.99

00:27:58.120 I mean, we have the better title and the game that goes harder, so... 0.99

00:28:02.280 Yeah, that's true.

00:28:03.700 Yeah, that's true.

00:28:04.540 Get Luis to come on and, you know, make him answer for the allegation.

00:28:11.240 You're like 100 feet away.

00:28:13.100 No, he's not here.

00:28:14.380 He's not here.

00:28:15.200 He's not here.

00:28:15.780 You don't even know what gas digital is, dude.

00:28:18.700 All right, let's go...

00:28:19.520 Yeah, I'll read this thing.

00:28:21.400 So, this is a super exclusive Backyard Liberty Party at Top Lobster, new Florida-based ranch.

00:28:26.080 Event is Bring Your Own Beer, which I guess we decided on that.

00:28:29.220 Let's go.

00:28:30.300 We're going to be hanging out.

00:28:31.640 So, make the journey to Florida to hang out with Robbie the Fire.

00:28:34.420 Do you always do it, Robbie the Fire?

00:28:37.000 Like, no space in between?

00:28:38.820 Is that just something?

00:28:39.340 Oh, no. 0.96

00:28:40.560 I'm retarded. 0.86

00:28:41.480 I'm sure if we start picking apart spelling, I'm dyslexic and retarded, both at the same time. 1.00

00:28:48.580 That's actually the medical diagnosis.

00:28:52.800 And the Tower Gang Pod for music, arts, comedy, boofing competitions, live podcast, Pin the Wheel on Clint.

00:29:00.600 Hold on.

00:29:01.640 What section does Robbie go in? 0.91

00:29:04.420 Because we have the disabled, which I guess you call the retarded, and then we also have the Jews. 1.00

00:29:08.940 We have the Jews. 0.93

00:29:10.160 I'm a crossover.

00:29:11.040 I'm a hybrid.

00:29:13.240 You can always laugh.

00:29:15.340 What is it?

00:29:16.260 God's not-so-chosen people.

00:29:18.580 I mean, we have the fats and the disabled bulb on here. 1.00

00:29:23.480 There's a lot of overlap there, so.

00:29:26.660 What is Pin the Wheel on Clint?

00:29:28.420 Because I like the sound of it.

00:29:30.360 What is Pin the Wheel on the donkey?

00:29:32.140 Because I know that's a game.

00:29:33.300 How does that work?

00:29:34.140 Pin the tail.

00:29:35.220 It's the Pin the Tail on the donkey.

00:29:37.280 How does that work?

00:29:38.080 You blindfold yourself.

00:29:41.580 You blindfold yourself.

00:29:42.620 You spun around. 1.00

00:29:43.780 A tail with like a fucking pin in it, and you actually pin it on just like a picture of a donkey. 0.99

00:29:48.840 So we do that, but with Clint. 0.99

00:29:50.340 We make him wear like a thong so his butt cheeks are exposed.

00:29:53.500 We blindfold.

00:29:55.240 And then- 1.00

00:29:55.940 Instead of blindfolding, we will shoot cum into each other's eyes. 0.99

00:29:59.660 Well, that sounds a little excessive. 0.99

00:30:01.140 No, no, no.

00:30:02.940 Maybe we all get blindfolded within like a kind of confined area, and first one to Pin it wins, 1.00

00:30:10.880 but that means we're all kind of just running into each other like a bunch of idiots. 1.00

00:30:14.520 Right, and really, and what we're trying to do is grab Clint's ass, basically. 1.00

00:30:19.180 Yeah, it'll be who can sexually assault Clint first wins. 1.00

00:30:23.300 That sounds like a great idea, and I think we can make that work.

00:30:27.620 I don't think that's out of-

00:30:28.500 I think the boofing, like you said, is 100% more impossible to do than pin the tail or sexually harass Clint while he's blindfolded.

00:30:36.140 No, dude, boofing is easy. 0.99

00:30:37.360 I got a bunch of funnels.

00:30:39.020 I got a bunch of funnels in my kitchen right now. 1.00

00:30:40.840 We could do that shit, too. 0.99

00:30:41.860 I have like radical strangers and everything. 1.00

00:30:43.720 You shoot that right up your asshole, depending on what you're boofing. 1.00

00:30:46.300 Oh, can I tell you? 1.00

00:30:47.040 I once did insulin at a party, and that shit will fuck you up. 1.00

00:30:51.020 What? 1.00

00:30:52.340 Yeah.

00:30:53.300 I had a friend that was a diabetic, and I was like, and I was like, party college mode. 1.00

00:30:57.420 I was like, fuck it. 1.00

00:30:58.120 I'm doing some of your insulin. 1.00

00:30:59.280 He's like, really?

00:31:00.420 And I just pulled out. 1.00

00:31:01.220 I was like, fucking stab me with it. 1.00

00:31:02.580 Give me that shit. 1.00

00:31:03.860 And I'm telling you, dude, it was like, I mean, I don't know how dangerous being drunk and high and then shooting yourself up with insulin when you don't need it is. 1.00

00:31:13.180 But I would describe it as, you know, like at the end of a Thanksgiving meal, when you were just like the most tired, it was like a tangible version of 0.98

00:31:22.340 that, where I was just walking around like, whoa, I got to fucking sleep. 0.74

00:31:26.160 Like, it was like an instant zombie fight. 0.96

00:31:28.720 It was like the one time I did Xanax and was smoking weed in college.

00:31:31.480 It was like that level of tired, but just came on in like an instant, which I'm probably just describing having like a heart attack.

00:31:38.240 It was actually formaldehyde.

00:31:41.040 Robbie actually got embalmed.

00:31:42.680 He was just so high, he didn't realize that.

00:31:44.300 Wait, so basically it wasn't even that fun.

00:31:47.260 It was just like, you just got really tired.

00:31:49.420 I don't think insulin is really a fun drug.

00:31:52.260 I don't think it's one of the things that, you know, people talk about.

00:31:56.060 I don't think people are robbing veterinary clinics for insulin.

00:32:01.300 It would be a really funny if it was like that.

00:32:04.400 And all the diabetics just have this like, oh, they don't tell anyone.

00:32:10.660 They're like the real Freemasons with their hidden codes.

00:32:15.280 Whichever diabetes is the fat one is the actual, it's not real.

00:32:18.680 And they just get insulin because they find out about it and they just have to, it's like, well, the trade-off is you just get super fat.

00:32:24.600 Yeah.

00:32:24.840 See, America, America doesn't have an obesity problem.

00:32:28.540 We have a drug problem and that's it right there.

00:32:30.200 We just cracked the code.

00:32:31.340 Right.

00:32:31.660 Shut it down.

00:32:32.180 That's why the establishment wants everybody to become progressively obese though.

00:32:36.140 It's because that's what they're hiding.

00:32:38.700 Does that make sense?

00:32:39.440 I don't even know.

00:32:40.580 No, it hardly ever does.

00:32:43.660 I want to finish this thing because I'm reading along and there's a lot more in here.

00:32:47.960 That's like, it looks really fun.

00:32:49.720 Hold on.

00:32:50.600 Did anyone see the picture of Dave and the big dude that we thought was Fat Dave, but it was actually not?

00:32:55.720 Kudos to him though because he's going to the gym.

00:32:57.460 But man, what a contrast.

00:32:58.700 That was an amazing picture.

00:32:59.500 Go ahead.

00:33:00.200 Keep reading.

00:33:00.700 That was a really great picture.

00:33:02.180 Really?

00:33:02.760 The first thing I did think of was like the expectation versus reality, Fat Dave versus like me when I actually met him.

00:33:11.540 You're not fat. 1.00

00:33:12.760 Fuck you. 1.00

00:33:13.620 Yeah. 1.00

00:33:13.800 You're just some guy.

00:33:14.720 So, uh, three to five o'clock, backyard hangout, arts and crafts, which would be really-

00:33:20.820 What is this, summer camp?

00:33:23.820 Top just brings out like random arts and crafts for his kids and we're just all like sitting here like-

00:33:28.620 Hey everybody, we're making those GIMP bracelets, you remember those?

00:33:31.360 Uh, farting contests, which sounds really fun, but I'd rather do burping contests only because I can burp on command.

00:33:38.900 I can burp on command too.

00:33:40.220 It's pretty easy, but I think it's, I mean, can anybody, can anybody fart on command? 0.99

00:33:44.620 Can anybody just like suck wind up their ass and- 1.00

00:33:46.620 I think I'd end up shitting myself. 1.00

00:33:49.200 Well yeah, the burping one's kind of funny because it is, like you'll get to a point where you have like- 0.88

00:33:54.580 Because that is a lot, a lot of people have that skill where they can burp on command.

00:33:57.520 Now imagine if all of you are seeing how, if you can continually just keep doing it. 0.68

00:34:01.620 Or if it was like a counter or something, how ridiculous that'd be. 0.99

00:34:04.440 Like fuck five guys just burping at each other for like 20 minutes, see new old gas out first. 0.99

00:34:09.080 My freshman year- 1.00

00:34:10.200 I think I'd end up puking. 1.00

00:34:12.500 You're going to shit yourself if you try to fart and you're going to puke if you try to burp. 1.00

00:34:16.860 Dude, we actually had a farting contest my freshman year in college and this one dude farted a little too hard and sharted in this shit. 1.00

00:34:24.420 Like dropped out of the bottom of his pants. 0.99

00:34:26.800 Oh jeez. 1.00

00:34:28.100 God damn. 1.00

00:34:28.980 Happens to the best of them. 0.99

00:34:31.740 I love this last one here.

00:34:33.140 Catch the lobster.

00:34:34.640 So-

00:34:35.080 What does that mean?

00:34:36.660 I like both thoughts.

00:34:39.420 You're lynching you.

00:34:42.460 That's illegal now.

00:34:43.580 Joe Biden said it was illegal, guys.

00:34:45.160 Yeah, that's right.

00:34:46.420 I like the thought of-

00:34:47.260 You have to be white if it's going to be illegal. 1.00

00:34:49.120 It's almost, like you said, it's lynching, but it's like kind of like-

00:34:51.640 Top has 10 acres.

00:34:53.380 You're like, Top, you get 30 seconds.

00:34:55.460 Run any direction.

00:34:57.200 Hide.

00:34:58.000 And we're going to catch the lobster.

00:34:59.480 And then whoever catches them gets like a free beer or something. 0.89

00:35:01.980 And then we get to kill Top Lobster.

00:35:05.100 We laugh occasionally so everyone knows it's a joke.

00:35:11.200 There's two other things on this.

00:35:12.920 One, the other thing is we literally just toss Top Lobster around.

00:35:16.400 And whoever just-

00:35:17.360 And we could do it, I feel like, off your roof, maybe.

00:35:21.240 Maybe just like, if you have a pool, like, we'll just-

00:35:23.940 I don't know.

00:35:24.600 Top is a short king like me, too.

00:35:26.640 But he is dense like me.

00:35:28.040 Oh, I bet Top is very dense.

00:35:28.740 He is not someone you're throwing around.

00:35:30.120 I'm a thick boy, yeah.

00:35:32.100 It'd be impressive if you'd pick me up. 0.96

00:35:33.700 Got that donkey dog. 0.50

00:35:36.120 That's right. 1.00

00:35:37.260 Goddamn right. 0.89

00:35:37.760 This one is, I'm guessing, literally just we go and buy a bunch of lobsters. 0.60

00:35:41.280 Live lobsters.

00:35:42.580 That would actually be hilarious.

00:35:43.780 And then we just throw those around for a little bit.

00:35:46.420 We should play, what's the game, like hot potato?

00:35:49.280 But it's with the lobster without the rubber bands on its clothes.

00:35:52.080 And you just got to pass it around.

00:35:54.000 Oh, my God.

00:35:54.720 I would be so disgusted by that.

00:35:58.080 Let's do it.

00:35:58.920 Dude, I didn't grow up eating seafood.

00:36:01.000 Lobster is just a giant cockroach to me.

00:36:03.680 No offense to you, Top Lobster, because you're the toppest and the most beautiful of all

00:36:07.340 the Puerto Ricans who, you know, I don't know. 0.99

00:36:09.440 I don't know where I'm going with this, but fucking lobsters are gross. 0.99

00:36:14.120 You never even, have you ever tried it? 0.99

00:36:16.000 Have you ever been like, okay.

00:36:16.780 Yeah, one time I actually with Lewis, he was obsessed with this place in the East Village

00:36:21.340 called maybe Luke's Lobster.

00:36:23.660 And I kept saying, I have no interest.

00:36:25.520 I have no interest.

00:36:26.280 And he goes, I'm going to buy your first lobster roll.

00:36:28.280 You're going to love it.

00:36:29.420 And we went and just with every bite, I just imagined I was eating a roach and it was

00:36:33.220 disgust.

00:36:33.800 Like, dude, it tasted fine.

00:36:36.020 And it tasted like a butter roll with, like, goop inside of it.

00:36:40.180 Like, it literally just tasted like a butter roll with goop.

00:36:42.400 But I was grossed out by it.

00:36:46.700 430 to 5 o'clock.

00:36:49.040 Most likely.

00:36:51.440 He thought he was a woman.

00:36:53.480 He was trying to give him a podcast on the network. 1.00

00:36:55.720 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:36:58.560 Fuck. 1.00

00:36:59.960 430 to 5, serenaded by Toad's ukulele if they let him out of Boston. 1.00

00:37:03.460 I mean, Toad's too dangerous to be let out of Boston, especially with the ukulele with

00:37:08.540 him.

00:37:08.840 That's just, there's women going to be at this place, Toad. 1.00

00:37:11.680 We don't need them completely just wet, just flooding Top's backyard.

00:37:16.460 5 to 6, we find out if Rob has a full hour of stand-up. 0.99

00:37:20.840 Nothing makes women want to fuck more than a ukulele parody of a fucking My Chemical Romance 1.00

00:37:26.940 song. 1.00

00:37:27.280 Oh, you saw that one?

00:37:30.480 No, I just, I literally just strung that together.

00:37:32.660 I assumed you had.

00:37:34.300 I think Toad's ukulele skills are surprisingly good.

00:37:37.500 Every time one of those comes across my Twitter, I'm like, that's better than I expected.

00:37:41.440 That's exactly what I say.

00:37:43.100 It's an easy joke, so I go for it.

00:37:45.180 Yeah, I'm okay with that.

00:37:46.640 My entire career is easy jokes.

00:37:48.280 We're actually thinking about maybe covering Clint's intro music.

00:37:54.460 Yeah.

00:37:55.040 Wow.

00:37:55.840 Yeah.

00:37:56.320 Let's go.

00:37:56.780 We're going to cover it.

00:37:57.800 I don't know Clint's opening song. 0.98

00:38:00.380 That's gay. 1.00

00:38:01.660 Okay. 0.99

00:38:02.740 Yeah, play it.

00:38:03.560 Play it, Toad.

00:38:05.240 It's some wiggership.

00:38:06.980 It's definitely some wiggership. 0.78

00:38:08.080 We're really about to play a song.

00:38:09.600 Oh, by the way, I had a great text, too.

00:38:11.400 You guys would like this.

00:38:13.120 Clint, I mean, he didn't show up for the Connecticut gig, but I texted him beforehand to

00:38:18.180 ask him, like, what he was wearing, and he's like, oh, I'm just going to wear what I normally

00:38:22.140 wear, and I'm like, oh, like, a backup dancer in a 90s rap video?

00:38:30.560 That is what he looks like.

00:38:33.540 Well, like, one that's, like, 10 years removed but doesn't ever stop talking about it.

00:38:37.760 Yeah.

00:38:38.240 Yeah.

00:38:38.560 Yeah.

00:38:38.980 He's still living that life.

00:38:40.520 Yeah.

00:38:40.880 I was background in a P. Diddy music video.

00:38:44.840 It was awesome.

00:38:45.420 He kind of looks like that member of the Backstreet Boys. 0.99

00:38:49.220 The guy who does the shit with the hats. 0.99

00:38:56.140 I thought you, um, are you still, are you not doing your hour that you had for the end 0.99

00:39:01.960 of the year kind of thing?

00:39:02.800 No, that thing's, uh, I'd have to, like, re-memorize that.

00:39:05.840 No, no, no.

00:39:06.280 I'm, uh.

00:39:06.560 You got a whole new set, I guess, is what you're saying.

00:39:09.540 Yeah, I think Toad's probably seen some of the stuff, and I would venture to guess I have

00:39:13.240 45 to 50, but we'll find out.

00:39:15.520 Yeah.

00:39:15.840 That's good, dude.

00:39:16.660 That was a good set the last time.

00:39:18.180 You haven't heard it yet.

00:39:18.840 Thank you, sir.

00:39:22.320 And then, uh, 6 o'clock to whenever, which, I mean, it really could be whenever.

00:39:26.100 I mean, especially if we got a couple beers in us, uh, or more, some vodka.

00:39:30.120 If we boofed a little bit, it might be a little bit long. 0.98

00:39:32.400 Uh, live Run Your Mouth podcast with the Tower Gang Pod.

00:39:35.580 But, um, by the way, Top, we, Jose mentioned this earlier.

00:39:39.820 We get there early.

00:39:40.680 We get to shoot guns on your ranch, right? 0.91

00:39:42.700 Yes. 0.89

00:39:43.880 There we go.

00:39:44.700 There we go.

00:39:45.280 Yeah.

00:39:45.900 There we go. 1.00

00:39:46.540 Fuck, yeah. 1.00

00:39:47.460 Specifically at your neighbors, though. 1.00

00:39:50.580 No, not at the neighbors.

00:39:52.480 They're very nice.

00:39:53.380 I'm assuming you have a spot that, like, logistically makes sense.

00:39:55.840 Like, on the real, I don't want to be just shooting off bullets and not know what's behind it.

00:40:00.260 So, you know, around if you have something to hit a hill or something, I don't know.

00:40:04.320 That's the fun part.

00:40:05.060 Yeah, there's a lake.

00:40:05.880 There's a lake right there.

00:40:07.140 Okay.

00:40:07.360 I think we should roll this in to catch the lobster, and then you just kind of go run out there.

00:40:13.720 I zigged what I should have said.

00:40:16.760 Can we fish in the lake?

00:40:19.200 I wouldn't.

00:40:20.020 I wouldn't do that.

00:40:21.320 Oh, there's gators?

00:40:22.660 I don't know what's back there.

00:40:24.360 Yeah. 0.70

00:40:25.040 I'll fight a gator. 0.75

00:40:26.160 Let's add that to the list. 0.83

00:40:27.580 Fight a gator?

00:40:28.500 Let's go.

00:40:29.320 Is it, like, more of a pond thing than a lake thing?

00:40:31.800 Is that what you're getting at?

00:40:33.220 It's pretty big.

00:40:34.320 It's probably, like, an acre.

00:40:35.540 Like, an acre that, like, it's like a lake.

00:40:37.640 I don't know what to call it.

00:40:38.500 But it's not somewhere that you'd really probably trust the fishing too much.

00:40:41.200 You probably wouldn't swim in there, I'm assuming.

00:40:43.620 No, I don't think there's fish in there.

00:40:45.800 There's, like, grass growing up in there.

00:40:47.140 Puerto Ricans don't know how to swim. 1.00

00:40:48.580 Yeah.

00:40:50.940 He's trying to build improvised boats, basically.

00:40:52.920 No, that's Cubans. 0.97

00:40:53.600 Sorry, those Cubans. 1.00

00:40:54.740 They made it over here.

00:40:55.840 Based on how he looks now, I would say this is a man who probably doesn't know how to swim.

00:40:59.440 So, I don't know.

00:41:02.380 The extra bullet in my foot, it really fucks up my swimming. 0.99

00:41:05.720 I feel like if we're shooting firearms, we definitely need to go, like, a full kind of, like, fuck the ATF. 0.99

00:41:10.400 And we just do all three. 0.99

00:41:11.940 Alcohol.

00:41:12.560 We start drinking.

00:41:14.420 We get some cigars.

00:41:15.960 We start smoking cigars.

00:41:16.400 Oh, it's Paul Dick Cheney.

00:41:17.760 We can make that the game.

00:41:18.800 Who do we shoot?

00:41:19.400 Walk a little bit farther ahead.

00:41:23.660 Keep going.

00:41:24.280 Y'all, you're good right there.

00:41:26.380 It's Puerto Rican roulette. 0.98

00:41:28.560 Bug it.

00:41:29.480 That's right.

00:41:30.280 This is going to be fun.

00:41:31.980 Bring your TV churches. 0.75

00:41:33.440 The ones for bugs.

00:41:34.840 There might be bugs after 8 o'clock.

00:41:36.560 Practical TV churches with anti-bug wicks that make perfect sense because they are bugs out.

00:41:40.320 But we're hoping to be passed out by then.

00:41:44.180 So, wait a minute. 1.00

00:41:45.380 Is an anti-bug wick just an uncircumcised penis? 1.00

00:41:49.400 Oh, God. 1.00

00:41:50.460 I don't even know what that means.

00:41:52.200 And I'm just going to move on from that one.

00:41:55.120 Live alligators will be removed from the ranch prior to the event.

00:41:58.500 Basically, Robbie just said he'll go down to the pond and just wrestle.

00:42:01.360 How is next week going to work?

00:42:03.140 Like, with Toad telling bad jokes and Kokesh telling bad jokes. 0.83

00:42:06.480 Like, where is the reprise at?

00:42:08.440 I'm 100% looking forward to Kokesh. 0.99

00:42:10.900 Like, don't get me wrong. 0.99

00:42:11.800 Like, some of the shit he's been saying online is, like, fucked up because of who he's doing to and how he's going to bet it. 0.99

00:42:17.400 But I'm not going to lie. 0.99

00:42:18.440 Yeah, I see him like, that's pretty fucking good material. 1.00

00:42:21.100 A little bit fucked up. 1.00

00:42:22.300 But some of his, like, tirades and some people call him fat and shit like that. 1.00

00:42:26.800 I'm like, all right, well, that's not cool, man. 0.98

00:42:28.460 But pretty goddamn funny.

00:42:31.200 It's just what we do on this show. 0.89

00:42:33.160 So, it makes sense.

00:42:33.900 I'm kind of upset that they, like, so, technically, we body shamed Martha Bueno, and then that was not, that's, like, not cool.

00:42:41.680 But then he's allowed to do this.

00:42:42.800 Yeah, our body shaming was, oh, you're so hot. 1.00

00:42:46.020 Everyone's supposed to fuck you, and you can say dumb shit. 1.00

00:42:47.840 Yeah. 1.00

00:42:48.020 Does it squirt?

00:42:50.060 Do it be squirting, bro.

00:42:51.580 That was it.

00:42:52.940 It's a fair question.

00:42:54.660 I forgot about that.

00:42:56.100 Yeah, that's right.

00:42:57.000 Who is this lady who squirts? 1.00

00:42:58.500 You know who Martha Bueno is, right?

00:43:05.140 No.

00:43:06.080 Introduce me.

00:43:07.100 Pull up Martha Bueno, Toad. 1.00

00:43:09.540 I'll bring it up right now.

00:43:11.040 We had some beef.

00:43:13.500 She's no bueno. 1.00

00:43:14.840 She's no bueno. 1.00

00:43:15.640 We had some beef with her, because, like, she was like, she's like, oh, no Spanish people are in the LP, and there's no representation. 0.99

00:43:21.380 I was like, bitch, I'm right here. 0.97

00:43:22.980 And then it was the whole thing. 0.99

00:43:24.080 Like half the Florida LP.

00:43:25.420 Yeah.

00:43:25.960 It's Martha Bueno.

00:43:26.740 I feel like such an old man here.

00:43:31.840 I'm not going to lie to you. 0.98

00:43:33.060 She's pretty goddamn hot. 1.00

00:43:34.300 I've seen her in person. 0.98

00:43:35.040 She's definitely hot. 1.00

00:43:35.920 Yeah.

00:43:36.200 I've met her in person.

00:43:36.860 Which is kind of the problem. 0.99

00:43:38.180 She's a politician, and then she can just say semi-intelligent shit, and all the guys just clap and go, oh, my God. 1.00

00:43:45.240 Can you pull up, like, a full-body picture so we can get a review going? 0.98

00:43:52.520 I can't really see what I'm working with here.

00:43:54.620 Go look at her media posts.

00:43:56.100 I'm going through it.

00:43:58.920 Is this the one?

00:44:00.160 Yeah, you might have to Google image it.

00:44:01.820 There she is.

00:44:03.880 She's on the left.

00:44:08.040 Shane Hazel.

00:44:09.020 Dude, Shane Hazel.

00:44:10.000 Creature from the Shrek swamp.

00:44:14.800 Which one is she? 0.93

00:44:15.660 She's in the middle.

00:44:16.680 The little one.

00:44:17.240 Oh, God.

00:44:17.560 I thought that was a child at first glance.

00:44:19.080 Yeah, it looks like – it did look like a child.

00:44:22.060 Oh, man.

00:44:22.480 Speaking of grooming, here we go.

00:44:26.480 I'm going to find one.

00:44:27.700 Oh, she's still on.

00:44:28.840 All right.

00:44:29.560 Yeah.

00:44:30.480 There she is.

00:44:31.000 I can't – I can't really – you got to, like, every time I try and zoom in, you're on a new image.

00:44:37.060 No, I'm trying to find a good one for you.

00:44:40.220 She's sort of hot, but her face – she looks like one of the Whos from the Jim Carrey movie, the great – 0.95

00:44:47.820 I don't even know that happened.

00:44:53.060 That's pretty funny.

00:44:53.960 And she said –

00:44:54.340 Who got blocked by Dave?

00:44:56.960 She did.

00:44:57.680 She did.

00:45:00.060 Dave said, get out of here, thot.

00:45:02.980 You're going to need thicker skin. 1.00

00:45:05.340 He came after Dave for some weird shit. 1.00

00:45:08.140 Yeah. 0.99

00:45:09.080 It was something – she had the debate, the open borders debate with – he had the open borders debate with Spike. 0.99

00:45:14.440 And then she said some weird shit after. 1.00

00:45:16.260 I mean, don't quote me on it, but something along the lines of, like, well, he didn't properly address this shit. 1.00

00:45:22.040 He needs to speak to someone who fucking has lived the experience or some dumb bullshit. 0.99

00:45:27.220 And it was like – everyone was, like, kind of in their heads or laughing at her because you're like, dude – 1.00

00:45:31.360 Oh, this is my favorite bit.

00:45:32.540 How loudly can you crunch on the podcast?

00:45:34.760 Yeah. 0.98

00:45:36.560 Yeah, that's big dick energy, all right? 0.99

00:45:40.080 What are you munching on, buddy? 0.99

00:45:44.060 We got a bag of candy over here. 1.00

00:45:46.260 Oh, dude, that's some – that's some serious little kid shit. 0.99

00:45:49.060 I love it. 0.98

00:45:49.380 Dude, I could not – I don't know – I don't plan on, like, having kids in the interview, but, like, when I'm in a parent's house and they have kids, if I open up – I'm like, how have you not eaten all these snacks every night?

00:46:02.180 I'm telling you, my kids would wake up and be like, what happened?

00:46:04.460 I would eat all of it every night, literally every single night.

00:46:07.220 Like, I can't keep – when I bring sugar into my house, I have to throw it into the garbage because otherwise I will eat all of it.

00:46:13.060 Like, there's no eating some of it. 0.96

00:46:15.120 There's eating it until you want to die and then you jerk off and pass out. 0.57

00:46:20.040 Like, that's it.

00:46:20.540 There's no eating any less than that amount.

00:46:23.600 Yeah, we just – we replenished – we replenished our snacks. 0.96

00:46:27.780 So we got, like, Sour Patch Kids and some fucking – these are the – 0.87

00:46:30.780 And the variety – the variety will kill you too because it's, like, at least, like, as an adult, you'll pick up, like, one shitty snack, but it's, like, if you can go from, like, the candy to the cookies, then back to the chips, like, that's endless. 0.98

00:46:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:46:43.320 By the way – I mean, I'm perpetually in a state of my wife being mad at me for eating the kids' food and the kids being mad at me, and it's just kind of like, fuck you. 0.99

00:46:50.460 I pay the bills, like, I'll get more snacks. 0.99

00:46:53.960 Like, I'm so – 0.76

00:46:54.840 I guess I missed out on this bachelor life of being able just to eat junk food, jerk off, and then fall asleep.

00:47:01.840 But just – I mean, it sounds –

00:47:02.880 Yeah.

00:47:03.160 I mean, I would somewhere in there put in some video games.

00:47:06.040 That's what I would add to this, like –

00:47:07.920 It's literally your life, Cole. 0.99

00:47:10.980 You just have a wife that has sex with you occasionally. 1.00

00:47:13.420 You just don't have kids. 1.00

00:47:14.140 Don't have kids yet, still just jerking off, eating a bunch of candy that's – I mean, I don't know why we have it.

00:47:20.400 We have no kids, so it is just me going out and buying candy.

00:47:23.680 I can't wait to see it.

00:47:24.480 Here's where you go to your wife. 1.00

00:47:25.500 You go – listen, I've podcasted with this guy, Robbie the Fire, a bunch, and I'd like to just try his lifestyle for a day.

00:47:33.680 I'm not saying I want to do it for a whole life, but for one day, and I'll send you, like, a schedule, like, as if it's, like, you know, like a gym schedule type thing you get from, like, a personal trainer.

00:47:43.940 But it'll be, like, my personal, and you'll just stick to it to a T.

00:47:47.840 You'll tell her, hey, I'm just for one day, and you can experience it in all of its glory. 0.78

00:47:53.260 Like, 8 o'clock, wait up, wake up, piss. 0.67

00:47:56.280 It's, like, then you get right into three sets, four guys, go right now, just like, knock out, get the AIDS flowing early in the day.

00:48:04.360 That way it's all day you can have – it's not flaring up at, you know, at 2 o'clock in the afternoon.

00:48:08.720 Those are the worst.

00:48:09.660 Those AIDS flare up. 0.82

00:48:11.040 Intermittent sandwiches about every three hours.

00:48:13.120 A couple of bites.

00:48:14.220 Good to go.

00:48:16.220 Donuts in the afternoon.

00:48:18.160 Here's another money-making idea.

00:48:20.520 All right.

00:48:20.920 Pretty much – I don't know where you're going, Robbie, or if you've talked to Top of this, but pretty much all of us, all the homies have already agreed we're basically having a sleepover at Topps.

00:48:29.120 I was planning – I'm planning on passing out there, too.

00:48:32.440 Unless –

00:48:33.640 A beautiful woman.

00:48:35.920 Yeah, unless a beautiful lady decides to join me, in which case I'll get a hotel room, but – 1.00

00:48:40.820 Martha Buen is not coming.

00:48:42.460 At the one – yeah. 0.99

00:48:43.960 Something much more primal about fucking – 0.99

00:48:45.400 Well, not with Robbie, okay? 0.99

00:48:47.820 At the moment, my prospect's not getting back to me, so I'll probably be on your couch.

00:48:51.880 I say – obviously, this contingent of Topps is comfortable with it.

00:48:58.640 I say you should sell another five tickets for, I don't know, somewhere between – somewhere between, like, five to 50 to, like, I don't know, 100, 200 bucks a piece.

00:49:07.520 But it's to be part of the exclusive sleepover part.

00:49:10.220 Sleepover?

00:49:11.320 Yeah, like, and then we get a pic.

00:49:13.460 We can even bring on the show and be like – because I'm sure some of those are going to be people we know, and we'll, like – 0.54

00:49:17.740 I'm just saying, I would love it if – I would love it if that actually ended Summer Porch Store because one of the five people raped all of us.

00:49:27.120 And then we just realized, you know what? 0.83

00:49:29.220 No more Summer Porch Store.

00:49:30.660 We're shutting it down.

00:49:31.600 Like, you know what? 0.99

00:49:32.240 That was fucking awesome. 0.97

00:49:35.000 We're doing it again next week. 0.92

00:49:38.240 It would be – 0.93

00:49:39.000 Someone took the whole toad – raping toad and getting AIDS thing a little too literally. 0.99

00:49:45.280 I would just love the headlines, like, Florida man, fucks podcast group, and naturalists. 0.99

00:49:51.660 Hey, can we get some bath salts? 0.97

00:49:52.940 I feel like if we're out in Florida throwing a party, we should do some bath salts.

00:49:56.540 Yeah, there's a Bed Bath & Beyond right by me, so we can just pick some of those up.

00:50:00.480 Epsom salts. 0.99

00:50:03.120 What the fuck are bath salts? 0.99

00:50:04.500 Because it does end very well. 0.99

00:50:05.920 It says buy a ticket, which – go ahead, buy a ticket.

00:50:07.740 Okay, 50 tickets, I don't know how many are sold, but they'll definitely sell out.

00:50:11.240 I'm pretty sure.

00:50:12.060 We have a lot of people that want to come watch this.

00:50:14.280 But I take an email for address.

00:50:15.600 We're not just going to put out Top's address out there. 0.97

00:50:17.780 I mean, he is – I mean, we're not fucking feds. 0.94

00:50:20.120 I just throw it out there. 0.97

00:50:21.300 You know what you're getting from.

00:50:22.680 I mean, Stacey might. 0.89

00:50:24.400 No, I figure this way.

00:50:26.120 People know the town, so, like, they can look, make sure that it's – they're comfortable with the drive.

00:50:30.580 Which, dude, people have driven as much as 15 hours to be at a summer porch tour event.

00:50:35.860 Really?

00:50:37.020 Yeah, when we were in Nebraska, someone drove from maybe Arkansas.

00:50:42.420 I forget where, but it was, like, a 12 or – it was, like, nutty. 0.96

00:50:44.680 It was fucking nutty that the guy did the drive. 0.58

00:50:47.620 But, yeah, if you're within three hours, it's a full Saturday hangout. 0.98

00:50:51.820 Like, you know, make the drive and chip in for the sleepover party.

00:50:55.420 Pitch some temps.

00:50:55.900 Well, I know someone from Texas is coming, so that's pretty far.

00:51:00.300 Who's coming from Texas? 0.89

00:51:01.980 CD?

00:51:02.920 Yeah.

00:51:03.540 Some other people, too, coming from Texas or no?

00:51:06.580 I'm going to mute myself because I'm going to eat the rest of this cookie.

00:51:11.180 And finish it out.

00:51:12.500 Ranch in Lady Lake, Florida.

00:51:13.780 And, yes, we will be fishing the lady out of the lake after the show and then taking turns.

00:51:17.560 Returning it gently to the lake. 0.96

00:51:18.860 Don't be a sicko. 0.90

00:51:19.920 Returning it. 0.96

00:51:20.820 I'm glad you used the proper pronoun for the lady in the lake there. 1.00

00:51:25.040 Yeah, the lady in the lake has recently cut off her tits and then fashioned her clitoris into a nice – I mean, average-sized penis. 1.00

00:51:35.180 Hey, once a lady, always a lady. 1.00

00:51:36.680 That's what I say.

00:51:37.620 Still got a back hole.

00:51:38.720 Let's get in there.

00:51:39.880 Oh, boy.

00:51:40.880 A hole's a hole.

00:51:42.240 I think it was a Tower Gang chat on Twitter. 0.99

00:51:45.380 They posted some of the post-op, like, penises. 0.99

00:51:48.120 And, oh, my God. 0.99

00:51:49.700 I'm okay without that.

00:51:51.220 I can't stop, like, thinking about it.

00:51:53.180 It's crazy. 0.99

00:51:53.600 Imagine a probably three- to five-inch penis that had been dipped in hot burning water. 0.99

00:51:58.560 I'm okay. 0.99

00:51:59.220 I don't need to imagine it.

00:52:00.520 That's all right.

00:52:01.120 I'll just stop down on that one.

00:52:02.560 Dude, it looked like –

00:52:03.180 He was like, I just need to look down.

00:52:04.680 That's it, okay?

00:52:06.360 It looked like Dr. Zoidberg's claw.

00:52:09.800 Oh, that's funny.

00:52:10.520 And we know how Robby feels about lobsters, so. 0.99

00:52:14.140 Disgusting.

00:52:15.200 They are nowhere near the technology in that one. 0.73

00:52:17.560 And at least from male to female, all you got to do is make a hole.

00:52:21.240 But even though, let's be real. 0.99

00:52:22.180 It's still not a fully operational vagina. 0.99

00:52:24.420 Let's be clear. 0.95

00:52:26.740 Remember, and here's the link up here at the top, Eventbrite, and then I guess – I don't

00:52:30.800 know what the – 0.96

00:52:31.320 Type in all that shit there. 0.98

00:52:33.060 I think the easiest way to find it is if you go to www. – I think it's robbythefire.eventbrite.com. 0.99

00:52:43.560 You'll get all my Eventbrite shows.

00:52:45.260 I thought you were about to read the whole thing.

00:52:47.280 What was that?

00:52:48.240 You're about to read the whole thing.

00:52:49.840 No, no, no.

00:52:50.580 Or I put it into my Twitter handle.

00:52:53.080 It's like the second link there.

00:52:55.100 And if I was smart, I'd also put them up on my website.

00:52:57.780 But my website needs a whole revamp.

00:53:00.320 We can put it in the show description too.

00:53:02.660 Perfect.

00:53:03.640 All right. 0.99

00:53:03.940 Let's decide who we're killing. 0.98

00:53:06.040 All right. 0.94

00:53:06.520 Let's go.

00:53:07.080 Let's do great.

00:53:08.140 I mean, with only 50 tickets, you probably don't have to worry too much about all the

00:53:11.700 logistics. 0.98

00:53:12.980 I mean, at some point, they'll fucking find it. 0.98

00:53:16.040 Yeah, right. 0.99

00:53:17.780 All right.

00:53:18.260 So basically, we want to –

00:53:19.440 All right.

00:53:19.820 Zoom in here.

00:53:21.080 I want to explain it.

00:53:22.420 Enhance.

00:53:23.100 Enhance.

00:53:23.460 Because I did have some people ask me what's going on here.

00:53:26.260 Does the winner live or die?

00:53:28.440 And I said, no.

00:53:28.880 The winner is the most deserving of basically going into the gas chamber.

00:53:33.980 You're being strong-armed in a hypothetical of which group do you genocide.

00:53:37.820 It doesn't mean you endorse genocide.

00:53:39.820 It's just in this awful hypothetical, you have to pick one.

00:53:43.680 Which, by the way, I had a problem with that.

00:53:45.180 I kind of want to go on this little rant here.

00:53:46.660 Just a small one.

00:53:47.400 Today, I posted something that said basically if the – I said ANCAPs out there because

00:53:54.280 I have a bunch of ANCAP followers.

00:53:56.920 Would you – like if the government – would you rather have the government stop spending

00:54:02.480 everything on war and instead spend it on healthcare?

00:54:05.940 Would that be both morally and economically better? 1.00

00:54:08.900 And then just these motherfuckers, these autistic libertarians, dude. 1.00

00:54:14.440 They cannot understand the thought of a hypothetical between two choices. 1.00

00:54:21.920 They immediately go to, I just want to do taxation theft.

00:54:26.300 I just wouldn't take any money from them at all. 0.99

00:54:27.980 It's like that's not the fucking point. 0.98

00:54:29.700 So here's the thing. 0.99

00:54:30.600 We're going to kill two people or like we're going to get to down to one where we genocide 0.99

00:54:34.280 one of these groups. 0.99

00:54:35.440 You got to pick it.

00:54:36.160 All right?

00:54:36.520 That's it.

00:54:37.040 So there's no – 0.97

00:54:37.780 Before we start, how do you guys think Reid fucks?

00:54:40.700 Like what do you think is his like best position? 0.92

00:54:42.700 Do you think he's – you think he's wet right now?

00:54:44.260 Do you think his hair is wet like while he's on top?

00:54:46.500 Oh, yeah.

00:54:46.900 I'm just trying to –

00:54:47.500 That's the background. 1.00

00:54:49.040 Reid went to join us tonight because he is getting pussy. 1.00

00:54:51.420 That's what he – that's actually what he said as he said, I'm getting pussy. 1.00

00:54:53.680 So he says. 1.00

00:54:54.920 So he says.

00:54:57.320 Yeah, Reid definitely has wet hair. 0.98

00:54:58.840 He said he was going to be fucking up, so I don't know what he meant by that. 0.98

00:55:02.880 Reid has wet hair. 0.99

00:55:04.380 He definitely – he grunts.

00:55:05.840 He makes weird noises.

00:55:09.600 But he – I actually – I want to say this.

00:55:12.060 I bet he smells nice.

00:55:13.440 It's going to be kind of weird, but I feel like he still smells nice.

00:55:16.280 Like very earthy, like wood, but like a pleasant way, you know?

00:55:20.920 Well, yeah.

00:55:22.440 Well, I have slept with Reid before, and it did smell like wood, so.

00:55:29.300 There you go.

00:55:29.920 Good one.

00:55:30.620 All right.

00:55:30.940 Let's get to these.

00:55:31.860 How are we doing this?

00:55:32.820 We were trying to figure out logistics of how this works.

00:55:35.740 We're going to pick four of these opening round matchups to do tonight. 0.54

00:55:38.860 We're going to do the entire left side of the bracket tonight, not just the first round.

00:55:43.560 The first round.

00:55:44.540 If you want to do left side, we can do it that way.

00:55:46.360 And how it's going to work, how we figure this out is it's going to be four, I guess,

00:55:51.880 matchups every week up until we get to Top Lobster Ranch, and the final – the finale

00:55:57.400 is going to be the final solution.

00:55:59.100 The final solution is going to be done there at the Top Lobster Ranch live on –

00:56:04.260 Oh, so we're just doing – we're playing out one battle tonight?

00:56:07.540 No, no, it's the left side.

00:56:09.280 The left side.

00:56:09.880 So those four battles there. 1.00

00:56:11.360 Fats versus Ethats, Ukrainians versus Jews, Trannians versus Hoppians, bitchfuckcucks 1.00

00:56:15.860 versus Escalator Sanders. 1.00

00:56:17.300 You know what a bitchfuckcuck is, Rob? 1.00

00:56:19.300 No, but I feel like when we get to each battle, we can define them. 0.97

00:56:24.820 So I would love a definition of ethots. 0.99

00:56:29.060 Internet whores. 1.00

00:56:30.460 Internet whores. 1.00

00:56:32.960 Why would we be against internet whores? 1.00

00:56:35.960 I don't remember what the – okay. 0.97

00:56:37.800 Well, all right.

00:56:38.260 Here's the thing, and not to piss anyone off.

00:56:40.520 A lot of times, especially in these liberty spaces, you have these chicks who are kind 1.00

00:56:46.380 of skanks. 0.93

00:56:47.160 And I love skanks. 1.00

00:56:47.880 I don't mean that in a bad way. 1.00

00:56:49.020 I love whores. 1.00

00:56:50.000 They're the greatest. 1.00

00:56:51.480 Yeah, sure, whatever.

00:56:52.980 But so what will happen sometimes, you'll have these ones who get to this liberty space 0.97

00:56:57.300 and we'll be like, LOL, I love Ayn Rand or fucking Murray Rothbard. 0.97

00:57:02.120 Just say her name, man. 0.99

00:57:03.460 Just say her name. 1.00

00:57:05.380 You get these females. 1.00

00:57:07.740 You get these faces and end up having an increased amount of influence than they really probably 1.00

00:57:13.800 shit because there's a lot of dumb, dumb dudes who don't get vagina semi-regularly who just 1.00

00:57:19.140 agree with everything they say. 1.00

00:57:21.000 Yeah.

00:57:21.380 I don't know.

00:57:22.140 Name names.

00:57:24.020 Well, I'm actually not even trying to say names because I don't actually have an issue

00:57:27.100 with that person.

00:57:27.960 They're just a good idea of what I'm getting at.

00:57:30.260 But imagine, Rob, if you could, and you could just say, you could tweet out taxation is theft

00:57:36.040 and then just lower your pants just a little bit, just to show a little bit. 1.00

00:57:40.920 What, and get the message across?

00:57:42.500 And actually get people interested in it?

00:57:46.240 Let them know that it's not just autistic men.

00:57:48.160 This is how autistic you guys are where you're like, quit being hot and actually being here 1.00

00:57:52.500 and giving people pussy. 1.00

00:57:53.920 Instead, I'd rather someone who can better, more artistically actually make the, no, I 1.00

00:57:57.760 don't care about the fucking points. 0.99

00:57:59.220 We need some tits in the movement. 1.00

00:58:00.720 No, no, no, no. 0.98

00:58:01.560 I think, I believe it was Hayek himself that said something along the lines of, maybe it

00:58:06.520 was Hayek, maybe it wasn't, it might be somebody else.

00:58:08.060 Think of it later. 0.98

00:58:08.620 I'm going to fuck this up. 0.99

00:58:09.340 But it's, there's, it's something about like, there's nothing worse than a fucking, 0.98

00:58:14.260 an idea or a good idea badly defended. 0.95

00:58:17.420 And that is what happens when you just end up with these.

00:58:19.420 Yeah, but no one's listening when hot chicks talk. 1.00

00:58:21.420 It doesn't matter.

00:58:22.140 But they are.

00:58:23.380 That's the problem.

00:58:24.020 They are.

00:58:24.360 No, they are.

00:58:25.100 They're not listening.

00:58:25.780 They're just registering, oh, hot chicks are interested in this thing. 1.00

00:58:28.840 So that's all you need is like, just the mental thing of like, the same way dumb people 0.99

00:58:33.260 show up to some, like, look at it this way. 0.99

00:58:36.920 If we could take all the dumb women on campuses that are talking about, I don't know, equality 1.00

00:58:42.660 and getting promoted and other things that people show up and go, oh, I love this. 0.99

00:58:47.580 And then put them on our team so that people just show up and go, yeah, I love free

00:58:50.700 markets because the hot chicks are there. 0.97

00:58:53.440 You know what I mean?

00:58:53.840 Every movement's going to need hot chicks. 1.00

00:58:55.580 We're not going to be blowing each other. 0.79

00:58:56.760 I know Toad will blow the rest of you after the show. 1.00

00:58:58.580 But for the most part, we're not running around sucking each other's dicks. 1.00

00:59:02.520 We want ugly people sucking our dicks? 1.00

00:59:04.360 These hot chicks right now. 1.00

00:59:05.220 No, I'm actually playing devil's advocate here.

00:59:08.620 I was actually, I believe, if I remember correctly, I was like, eThoughts is weak.

00:59:11.380 This is going to get knocked out for a round.

00:59:12.280 Let's understand, fat people are driving up our healthcare costs. 0.99

00:59:15.660 They take up too much space on the bus. 0.97

00:59:17.620 They're not good enough at showering.

00:59:19.680 Right?

00:59:19.960 You know what the rest of us, that we have to stay home over Corona because of their 0.99

00:59:24.640 fucking health? 0.99

00:59:25.840 Oh yeah, for sure. 0.99

00:59:27.160 How is this even a battle?

00:59:28.480 Why are we having a conversation here?

00:59:30.260 eThoughts are showing up, giving all of us hope that we might actually get a lead.

00:59:33.940 No, no, no, no. 1.00

00:59:34.360 No, Robbie's single and he's thinking with his dick right now, with his circumcised dick. 1.00

00:59:39.660 I was totally steelmanning the argument against eThoughts, but I'll be honest, that was me 1.00

00:59:44.380 mustering up the best I could.

00:59:45.980 There's not a very good argument about eThoughts.

00:59:47.540 I would agree with Rob's assessment here, but I mean, right now, the eThoughts are calling

00:59:52.660 Tom Woods a pedophile.

00:59:54.240 So we have to be careful with this stuff. 0.90

00:59:55.960 Wait, that's not the eThoughts, that's these left-leaning libertarian...

00:59:59.860 Is it the women or the men? 0.94

01:00:01.060 I bet it's the men.

01:00:01.800 I put money on them and it's the men.

01:00:03.380 It's basically the same thing.

01:00:04.200 Because women are younger and they buy on with less evidence. 1.00

01:00:07.400 I do want to say the Tom Woods thing real quick.

01:00:09.540 I'm not... 0.96

01:00:10.060 Obviously, if more shit comes out and everything that's being accused is true, I mean, I'll revisit 0.98

01:00:16.800 it then. 0.99

01:00:17.200 I'm not even defending Tom Woods and all this shit. 0.61

01:00:20.360 I'm just saying the stuff I've seen so far is not that convincing. 0.91

01:00:23.320 Well, Jose, I'll take over for you.

01:00:24.560 The reason we removed pedophiles, or we didn't want to do pedophiles, to end this bracket...

01:00:28.620 Is because we didn't want to do Tom Woods.

01:00:30.480 Yeah, just in case...

01:00:31.560 We didn't want Tom to live, and so we removed pedophiles.

01:00:38.060 They're not in the...

01:00:38.900 Well, technically, Tom is in the disabled because he's very short.

01:00:42.100 So...

01:00:42.740 But it is hard to make...

01:00:46.160 I think...

01:00:47.160 Wait.

01:00:48.140 Just on the Tom... 1.00

01:00:49.000 Fucking internet accusations. 1.00

01:00:51.140 Like, we've seen too many people, careers ruined over just an allegation online. 1.00

01:00:56.080 I literally...

01:00:56.780 If there's an allegation online, it means zero to me.

01:00:59.680 Like, it's not innocent or guilt.

01:01:01.940 It's just like, I'm not a judge.

01:01:04.220 That's not the way that, like, our system works. 1.00

01:01:06.140 And we've seen too many people taken down over stupid shit. 1.00

01:01:09.180 So it's like, I'm not even going to bother reading it. 1.00

01:01:10.900 It's people online.

01:01:12.160 If there was something criminal, good. 0.99

01:01:14.560 Go fucking find a detective and get rid of criminal behavior. 0.99

01:01:18.040 If it's anything else, it's like, it's not... 1.00

01:01:20.600 It's just like a disgusting thing to just try and shame people online.

01:01:23.980 Like, or...

01:01:25.060 And if there aren't systems in place to address criminal behavior,

01:01:27.900 then let's have a conversation about getting better systems in place to address criminal behavior.

01:01:31.840 But just people shouting accusations on Twitter or otherwise.

01:01:36.160 And then other people going, oh, there's an accusation here.

01:01:38.780 So let's all...

01:01:39.900 You know what I mean?

01:01:40.420 It's just...

01:01:40.800 It's not...

01:01:41.240 That's not a working system.

01:01:42.600 Don't you see how dangerous the ethos are then? 0.82

01:01:44.700 Because it's like they're making these shitty arguments and they make no sense. 0.63

01:01:48.860 And then they just... 1.00

01:01:49.460 In that case, Tom is a pedophile. 0.99

01:01:52.840 If they are here to blow people and all we have to do is throw Tom under the bus, 1.00

01:01:57.580 I will be the first to throw him under the bus. 0.73

01:01:59.640 I have an argument against getting rid of the fats here.

01:02:05.000 Because if we do that, then we lose Fat Dave, so...

01:02:07.960 No, well, this might be the best one. 1.00

01:02:09.440 You fuck Fat Dave. 1.00

01:02:11.200 This might be the one best one. 1.00

01:02:13.080 You might be on it.

01:02:13.900 Like, I won't talk about Fat Dave.

01:02:15.340 He's dead already. 0.58

01:02:17.540 But fat people are usually pretty funny.

01:02:20.260 We would get rid of a good amount of funny people if we're getting rid of the fats.

01:02:25.160 We'd lose some libertarians.

01:02:26.460 I'm okay with that straight up.

01:02:27.060 Yeah, but they don't have that much of a shelf life anyways, you know?

01:02:31.260 They don't intend to live that long.

01:02:33.640 So, like...

01:02:34.720 And maybe we'll incentivize those people to not be fat so that they can stick around. 0.99

01:02:39.580 And think about all the real lardos that we're going to be getting rid of. 0.92

01:02:43.260 I mean, there's some disgusting toad-looking people out there. 0.95

01:02:45.860 Oh, well... 0.98

01:02:46.380 We'd be getting rid of Lizzo.

01:02:48.000 Sorry, Toad.

01:02:48.800 I'll start picking on someone else on the show.

01:02:50.680 I love you, buddy.

01:02:51.380 Thank you.

01:02:52.200 Well, in the fats, we have people like Lizzo that are, like, trying to glorify fatness.

01:02:57.160 But on the other hand, the fats are basically genociding themselves.

01:03:01.020 I gotta tell you, I'm surprised that Clint is with, like, Ashton Birdie.

01:03:04.300 I feel like with his personality type, he would be with a Lizzo, right? 0.97

01:03:08.020 Like, just that, the wigger with, like, the big black girl. 1.00

01:03:12.400 No, nobody else. 1.00

01:03:13.420 He's like a thick bitch, you know? 1.00

01:03:16.800 I can see that. 1.00

01:03:18.780 Like, a big old booty, titties popping. 0.98

01:03:21.320 No, because sometimes it goes the opposite way, where a thin white chick is the ultimate prize. 1.00

01:03:28.300 So, wait, do we think that fats are more redeemable than ethots?

01:03:33.000 Is that an argument?

01:03:34.600 I think so.

01:03:35.200 I feel like we're just humoring the ethots thing. 1.00

01:03:36.900 It's true.

01:03:37.680 They're an eighth seed.

01:03:38.920 They were supposed to go down anyway.

01:03:40.660 Fats are number one.

01:03:41.860 Oh, they're going down, all right.

01:03:43.980 By the way, I remember once BK Chris shared a post of a Reddit feed that was just hot chicks in jeans and white t-shirts.

01:03:54.640 And it would have, like, millions of followers.

01:03:56.640 And he was just like, why are we even trying to get cut, like, audiences online for comedy?

01:04:00.960 Like, this is what we're up against.

01:04:02.880 It wasn't even porn. 0.82

01:04:04.720 It was just wholesome pictures of hot chicks. 0.97

01:04:07.000 Like, it was a specific Reddit feed, specifically just for hot chicks in mom jeans and white t-shirts.

01:04:12.560 And, like, straight out of, like, a Dillard's magazine or something.

01:04:16.260 Like, it's basically what they call it.

01:04:17.760 Yeah, just simple.

01:04:19.600 And those have more views than my comedy ever will.

01:04:22.840 So, I understand why people look at the e-thoughts and you're like, why are they allowed to have such firm opinions? 0.98

01:04:30.400 But at the end of the day, they give us all hope that if we're in the liberty movement, there might be one dumb slut at one of these parties. 1.00

01:04:36.740 Bro, this is our only chance. 0.99

01:04:37.840 Are we going to take that hope away?

01:04:39.840 This is our only chance to get rid of them, like, metaphorically at least.

01:04:43.300 Let's take that. 1.00

01:04:43.820 The populism argument kind of makes sense here because, like, what if you do have, like, some super hot chick that's just like, oh, yeah, fuck the fed. 1.00

01:04:53.180 You know? 1.00

01:04:54.800 We're killing the fats.

01:04:55.980 Can we move on to the next round? 0.53

01:04:56.660 Yeah, let's kill the fats and move on. 0.93

01:04:59.040 I agree.

01:04:59.360 We have to move on to the next round.

01:05:00.720 They're going to be facing against us.

01:05:01.520 We've exhausted this material.

01:05:03.800 Now, this next one.

01:05:05.560 This next one is both.

01:05:06.720 You got to fill it in. 0.99

01:05:07.800 You got to fucking fill it in. 1.00

01:05:08.460 Can I take first stab? 1.00

01:05:10.120 Can I put out first argument?

01:05:11.940 On Jews versus Ukrainians? 0.56

01:05:13.220 Yeah, can I throw out first argument?

01:05:15.160 Go ahead.

01:05:15.520 I'm going to go Ukrainians because they're the ones that might get us into a nuclear war with Russia right now. 1.00

01:05:20.940 So between them and—

01:05:21.940 Can you recuse yourself from this case?

01:05:23.820 Yes.

01:05:25.000 It's a conflict of interest.

01:05:28.480 Although it is the Ukrainians getting us into World War III, technically it is the Jews. 0.91

01:05:32.260 That's what I'm saying.

01:05:32.800 So if we just off the Ukrainians, we wouldn't have to—let's just give it to Putin, you know? 0.94

01:05:36.700 Give Putin Ukraine, and then we can all move on.

01:05:38.780 This is an awesome matchup.

01:05:40.840 Because either way, you get rid of Zelensky, so. 0.99

01:05:43.220 Sorry.

01:05:44.380 While we joke about the Jews and stuff, I actually—even in this bracket, I was like, why are we doing the Jews? 1.00

01:05:49.940 Because, like, for one, it's, like, a little bit overexpected for us.

01:05:54.120 Like, we make a lot of Jew jokes. 0.81

01:05:55.540 But we genuinely don't have—our favorite people are Jews. 1.00

01:05:58.220 Like, Jews are, like, borderline goddamn wizards. 1.00

01:06:00.600 Like, they're all the great people in history. 1.00

01:06:02.620 It's like, they're like almost all Jews. 1.00

01:06:06.080 Like—

01:06:06.460 Dave Smith, are we getting rid of him? 0.99

01:06:08.280 Like, do we—like, if we lived in a world of superheroes, would you be like, well, let's just kill all superheroes because some of them are bad? 0.98

01:06:13.080 Like, I don't know. 1.00

01:06:13.780 What kind of bullshit is this? 1.00

01:06:15.400 I mean, if there was, like, 99 bad superheroes and one really good one, you wouldn't be like, we can't kill the one really good one. 1.00

01:06:22.960 I don't know, man.

01:06:23.520 I don't know, man. 1.00

01:06:24.200 Like, Superman is such a faggot, I kind of want to genocide all the superheroes just because of that, so. 1.00

01:06:28.900 If we have—I mean, we got close before, and we saw how it turned out. 0.99

01:06:33.800 I mean, they might be—that might be what the problem with this is.

01:06:36.840 That was the whole penicillin thing, right, Jose?

01:06:39.260 Yeah.

01:06:39.960 Great.

01:06:40.260 That was great.

01:06:40.780 But what I'm saying is, it might be, like, no reason to move the Jews on because even if we try to genocide them, they'll just come back stronger. 1.00

01:06:50.320 Yeah, Brazilian.

01:06:50.780 So, like, can you imagine Jews if you tried to genocide again and failed completely again? 1.00

01:06:55.700 What kind of fucking sorcery monsters would you create? 0.99

01:06:59.220 Well, so really what you have is you have at least the—as the theory goes, the Jews are kind of, like, in control of the Fed and in control of some of the worst institutions that are out there. 0.99

01:07:08.980 But then you also—the argument is—yeah, well, we're addressing the J.P.

01:07:15.540 But then for getting rid of the Ukrainians, the Ukrainians are to the Ukrainian-Russian war as the fats were to COVID, basically, if that makes sense. 0.85

01:07:26.740 Ukrainians, to me, they're just, like, non-Russian-Russians, and it confuses me, so I just want to get rid of it, and then I don't have to worry about it. 1.00

01:07:32.860 However—

01:07:33.620 Yeah, just simplify it to one category.

01:07:35.720 However, since we're down ethos already, then if we cut out the Ukrainian women, too, then I'm really— 0.93

01:07:42.540 I was about to go there, because if you had to say, like, if we're getting rid of all Ukrainian women or all Jewish women, I mean—

01:07:50.920 Ooh, that changes a lot there.

01:07:54.560 You're a—

01:07:55.240 Oh, boy, oh, boy.

01:07:59.100 This is a tight category for bringing it to the women's. 1.00

01:08:02.740 Well, I'm going to be genociding myself if I pick the Jews, so I won't even be allowed to enjoy the ethos of the Ukrainian horrors. 1.00

01:08:10.000 Because you make a good suggestion. 0.97

01:08:11.200 You're like, listen, you go to a strip club, it's either Ukrainians or Big Booty, like, you know, so that's it. 1.00

01:08:17.900 I don't want to be depriving myself of these Ukrainian women. 1.00

01:08:20.620 You've never seen a Jewish stripper? 1.00

01:08:22.160 Is that what you're saying?

01:08:22.980 It's like they don't need to work through—they don't need something to get through college.

01:08:32.420 They have a college fund, don't worry, and they also—

01:08:35.700 All right, let's put it to a vote, Ukrainian or Jews. 0.71

01:08:39.120 I feel like—

01:08:40.180 This is the great thing about democracy is that if enough—if the majority votes for it, it leads to a genocide, so.

01:08:47.700 Actually, yes.

01:08:48.580 Good point.

01:08:48.840 I was a little bit hesitant there with where you're going, but you made it sick, and I appreciate it. 1.00

01:08:53.120 I'm going to—I'm going to go kill the Ukrainians. 1.00

01:08:56.580 Like I said, I thought Jews was weak to begin with because I know it's, like, it's just too easy of a joke, and really, Jews aren't even that bad. 1.00

01:09:02.200 They're the best and the worst of people. 0.93

01:09:03.720 They're just really good at everything they do, so. 1.00

01:09:08.060 Yeah, I mean, even though they do also glorify genital mutilation and their religious leaders suck on the penises of the babies, but— 1.00

01:09:17.200 You can forgive that. 1.00

01:09:18.340 What?

01:09:19.380 Okay. 0.95

01:09:19.740 Yeah, well, and then—well, the only other argument for keeping the Ukrainians—well, it's kind of the argument that I already had is that the—well, we still have some other Eastern European women left, I guess, because Eastern European women have the best nipples, so. 0.95

01:09:32.460 All right. 0.90

01:09:33.160 All right.

01:09:34.120 What?

01:09:34.820 I'm going to say the Jews. 0.99

01:09:37.340 You're going—all right, so we've got—

01:09:39.440 No, I'm going Ukrainians.

01:09:40.640 I'm still going Ukrainians. 0.86

01:09:42.200 All right, we've got two to one.

01:09:43.720 Tower King Cole, you're coming through with the deciding vote.

01:09:46.140 Let me just justify the Jews because I'm not a quitter, but go ahead. 0.98

01:09:49.340 Go ahead, Cole.

01:09:49.960 I was about to go Jews only because I'm okay with cutting off—like, if you're saying there's a lot good and a lot bad, I'm okay with cutting off, like, the ends of that bell curve. 0.99

01:10:01.120 Just cut off the both ends. 0.94

01:10:03.140 Let's get it back to the average.

01:10:04.660 Yeah.

01:10:05.020 We're going to circum—

01:10:06.580 Cole, that sounds like— 1.00

01:10:08.000 We're going to circumcise the Jews. 1.00

01:10:09.820 It looks like I got the deciding vote, and to keep us all from getting in trouble, I'll genocide the Jews so that, you know, no one can say that we were doing anything other than, you know, I genocided my own fucking people. 1.00

01:10:24.460 I'm gone right now. 1.00

01:10:25.220 I'm a ghost.

01:10:27.320 In an upset—

01:10:28.360 That's exactly right there. 1.00

01:10:29.660 If you're in a game and you're like, just to show how unbiased I am, I will fucking kill myself. 0.99

01:10:34.160 Honestly, in an upset, 5 over 4, Jews moves on over Ukrainians. 0.99

01:10:41.640 If I can actually select that right now, what is going on?

01:10:45.440 And I think the Ukrainians should have won. 0.57

01:10:47.500 I don't know how much more content I could squeeze out of Ukrainians. 1.00

01:10:50.400 Like, let's be real.

01:10:51.160 That's true.

01:10:51.600 Yeah.

01:10:52.040 There's a lot more comedic content to squeeze out of Jews, even if I don't actually really believe it. 1.00

01:10:56.140 Now, that second round matchup of Jews versus Fats, that's going to be a good one. 1.00

01:10:59.940 All right.

01:11:00.240 Now, I got a—

01:11:02.280 Can I take your first stab at this next one?

01:11:04.460 Absolutely.

01:11:05.200 Trannies and hoppians? 1.00

01:11:06.040 I have a hard time weighing in because I don't actually know what a hoppian is.

01:11:10.740 How are you on—how are you the co-host on part of the problem?

01:11:14.580 He doesn't know who, like, Martha Bueno is.

01:11:16.980 I just pretend to have read the literature and care about liberty.

01:11:21.660 That's it.

01:11:24.960 That's how I approached everything in the slavery community.

01:11:28.060 I fake it till you make it.

01:11:29.380 Yeah, you just pretend like you know what you're talking about and you hope that you collect the libertarian ethos.

01:11:35.680 That's it.

01:11:36.120 That's the strategy.

01:11:37.100 It would actually be a—it would be a great—if me and Robbie had a podcast together, we just pretend—like, we just stumble our way through libertarian values.

01:11:44.400 We do, like, a legit, like, very in-depth libertarian podcast, but we have—we've never read anything. 0.69

01:11:49.720 And so we're just, like, uh, the argumentation ethics, and we're just, like, no fucking clue. 0.77

01:11:55.220 Honestly, it does bother me. 0.97

01:11:56.940 When Dave goes on, he's like, well, actually, you know, in Man, Economy, and State, it's used to fuck up, man.

01:12:01.560 Tell us about current events, bro.

01:12:05.060 I don't know what you're going to believe if people told me they read Human Action or Man, Economy, and State.

01:12:09.380 Because I'm quite a reader, and even then, I was, like—I got, like, halfway through Man, Economy, and State on audiobook, and I was, like, this is genius, but awful.

01:12:19.640 That's the worst.

01:12:21.160 Which one, uh—I read one—wait, um—

01:12:25.360 Economics and Warp.

01:12:26.940 No, no, no.

01:12:27.740 I read—I read one of the Hoppa ones.

01:12:29.940 Which one's the one, uh—

01:12:31.520 Democracy, the God of the Hales. 0.88

01:12:33.040 Yeah, yeah, that's the one I read.

01:12:34.340 Amazing book.

01:12:35.100 Now, I think by Hoppians, they're actually kind of—are we kind of referring to more, like, poofs, libertarian type of—

01:12:40.560 Oh! 0.60

01:12:41.540 Sorry.

01:12:42.140 I have ADD.

01:12:43.200 But you finish your thought first.

01:12:45.020 Well, I think that's what we're doing, because I don't think we're actually saying, like, people that agree with Hoppa necessarily.

01:12:50.500 No, I'm talking about—

01:12:51.440 No, here—all right.

01:12:52.960 Here's—here's why we have to advance Hoppa, because Hoppa wants more genocide.

01:12:57.180 So if we're voting for genocide, right, if we advance Hoppa, we're going to get more genocide.

01:13:02.560 You see what I'm saying?

01:13:03.320 So we gotta keep—we gotta keep Hoppa in this, right?

01:13:07.760 Or maybe we—maybe I have that backwards.

01:13:09.880 Maybe we have to get rid of—

01:13:10.700 No, you're right, and also the—

01:13:11.940 This is great.

01:13:12.600 This is the great start to the—the fire—the fire—the fire and Tower King Cole podcast.

01:13:18.860 Well, it's just the hard one.

01:13:20.820 Hoppa wants genocide.

01:13:22.360 It's what he wants.

01:13:23.900 Yeah, between the lines, physical removal, it's 100% what he meant.

01:13:28.240 Well, along those same lines, the trannies, like, 40% of them will just genocide themselves anyway, so— 1.00

01:13:35.620 Jesus Christ, yeah.

01:13:37.720 We're going 100%.

01:13:38.900 Oh, well, that's true.

01:13:39.960 You know, over enough period of time, if the world was just trannies, right, at some point, well, like, you know, everyone's going to be flipping genders. 1.00

01:13:48.360 There's going to be no procreation, so they're going to off themselves. 0.94

01:13:51.020 They're on a—they're on a path—like, as a community, they're kind of on a path towards non-procreation.

01:13:57.780 That's right, well, I was just talking about suicide, but yeah.

01:14:00.840 But counterpoint, Robbie, the Hoppians are the most autistic of libertarians. 0.98

01:14:05.460 They just won't have sex, so they will be—they will outbreed. 0.98

01:14:10.880 They will be outbreeded sooner than the 20s.

01:14:13.120 I don't know. I feel like Hoppians are usually either that, or they're the dude who got married at 17 and three-quarters, 1.00

01:14:19.000 and, like, has been with that woman for 20 years and has, like, four kids. 1.00

01:14:22.440 Or they've got, like, a Machiavellian thing going, and they're pulling all the pussy. 1.00

01:14:28.700 Yes. 1.00

01:14:29.100 Oh, that's true. That's not ever—yeah.

01:14:31.580 But I'm still—it's hard for me to say that Hoppians need to be genocided more than trannies, man. 1.00

01:14:37.120 Trannies in the past have gotten really loud and really— 1.00

01:14:40.540 Mr. Cole, the way you're shaking your leg makes it look like you're jerking off. 0.98

01:14:45.640 Wait a minute. How many of the—how many of the trannies— 1.00

01:14:48.540 The trannies are really pissing me off, man. 1.00

01:14:52.440 How many of the trannies were misled into thinking that they're trans when they're actually not, though? 1.00

01:14:59.680 I don't know. Tell us. Tell us, Toad. 0.58

01:15:01.400 What is this?

01:15:02.320 How'd you get for him?

01:15:04.260 I feel like it's a significant amount because of just the social pressure,

01:15:09.160 just, like, the way that the narrative is right now.

01:15:11.140 I feel like there are a lot of young people who are just questioning, or maybe they're gay or something like that,

01:15:15.480 and they decide they're going to transition, and they aren't actually trans.

01:15:19.260 This feeds off of Toad's point, but when we say trannies, are we talking about passable trannies or these other things? 1.00

01:15:28.280 These other things.

01:15:30.140 It would have to include all, but I'm guessing it would include even the ones like the Leah Thomas, the swimmer.

01:15:38.260 That's not even trans. 1.00

01:15:39.300 She's just literally— 0.99

01:15:40.800 I'm not even fucking trying. 0.99

01:15:43.140 It's similar to the Jews, then, because you're getting rid of, like, the worst of the worst, like, Jessica Yaniv, 0.98

01:15:49.300 but then you're also getting rid of, like, some really good people like Blair White.

01:15:52.640 Blair White is the only good one.

01:15:54.420 There's not another good one.

01:15:55.820 Let me throw in another variable.

01:15:58.580 Trannies are so much more vocal.

01:16:01.160 You know what I mean?

01:16:01.660 It's like, how often do you run into or have to hear from a Hoppian? 1.00

01:16:04.600 I don't know.

01:16:05.240 Dude, the beautiful thing about Hoppians is—I don't know if this is a Hoppa thing or it's just, like, an internet thing. 0.99

01:16:10.460 They're all super about, like, block, block, block, and not even, like, block and then talk shit. 0.99

01:16:15.800 Just block. 0.98

01:16:16.380 They don't—like, you will offend them, not even know it, and find out, like, a year later, be like, oh, they blocked me.

01:16:21.340 And they'll never cause a problem with you, and I'm fine with that. 1.00

01:16:24.140 That's the kind of shit I want. 0.99

01:16:25.280 Like, if me and you have beef, don't tell me about it and just never talk to me ever again. 1.00

01:16:29.360 That's the greatest thing ever.

01:16:30.480 Freedom of association, man.

01:16:32.360 Trannies will be in your mentions for the next year if you ever misgender them for any odd reason. 0.99

01:16:38.120 And they're just going to be talking about you, and then they're going to be, like, you know, yelling at you in their fucking butch voice with a— 0.99

01:16:45.520 Well, wait a minute. 1.00

01:16:47.080 You also have a subset of trannies who, like, con people into thinking that they're the other gender, right? 1.00

01:16:54.520 You've brought this up, like, four times. 0.98

01:16:56.240 How many trans people have tricked you, Toad? 1.00

01:17:01.180 I've been trans so many times. 0.99

01:17:03.000 Are we counting in porn or not?

01:17:06.200 I was going to say, Toad gets into the porn every time, and then the girl comes everywhere, and he's like, ah, I got tricked. 1.00

01:17:17.100 I'm jacking off to the tits. 0.99

01:17:19.340 This happened more in the age of dial-up, I think. 1.00

01:17:21.280 I'm jacking off to the tits, and then all of a sudden the penis is revealed. 1.00

01:17:24.560 I'm like, god damn it. 1.00

01:17:25.680 I feel like Toad just do it a bit right now, and every time he's just reframing the same question, every single time. 0.98

01:17:30.800 Well, per chance, let's say, perhaps.

01:17:34.760 Let's call it to a vote.

01:17:37.740 Oh, I mean, it doesn't even need a vote.

01:17:39.120 I'm going to trannies all the way. 1.00

01:17:40.560 I'll go trannies as well. 0.99

01:17:41.700 That's a good portion of hoppings anyways.

01:17:43.020 There you go.

01:17:44.940 Three votes.

01:17:46.960 Trans. 1.00

01:17:47.280 By the way, hilariously, if the trannies wind up against the bitch-fuck-cocks, the bitch-fuck-cocks are going to have to, in order for them to... 1.00

01:17:58.300 We'll get to it. 1.00

01:17:59.020 No, we'll get to it, Toad.

01:18:00.160 You're jumping ahead, Tal.

01:18:01.740 What word do you say?

01:18:03.080 Put this thing in there so everyone can see that that moved on the next round.

01:18:06.060 Let's do that. 1.00

01:18:06.780 All right, let's get through bitch-fuck-cocks, and then I want to go eat some dinner. 1.00

01:18:10.960 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:18:11.320 Yeah, so basically, if you don't know what bitch-fuck-cocks is, it's a... 1.00

01:18:14.780 Oh, you don't think I don't know what a bitch-fuck-cock is? 1.00

01:18:17.040 Trying to say I don't know what a bitch-fuck-cock is? 1.00

01:18:20.980 It's a term made up by Reed Coverdale on the show to describe any type of, I'm guessing... 1.00

01:18:27.520 Loser brigade. 0.99

01:18:28.660 Loser brigade libertarian. 1.00

01:18:30.500 Just anybody that is limp-wristed, and then they start shit. 1.00

01:18:34.760 Kind of like you were talking about with Tom Woods' thing. 1.00

01:18:37.520 It's those people that let you lie. 1.00

01:18:39.300 Nick Sarg's a bitch-fuck-cock. 1.00

01:18:40.720 Who next a bitch-fuck-cock? 1.00

01:18:43.740 These kind of fakertarians type of people. 1.00

01:18:47.340 That's a big question.

01:18:47.860 And then Escalator Standers, also brought up by Reed.

01:18:50.240 It's very weird.

01:18:50.740 This is a very Reed, like, corner of the bracket.

01:18:54.820 Reed really hates people that stand, you know, at the airport.

01:18:58.980 The, like...

01:19:00.080 Yeah, of course.

01:19:00.780 The moving walkway.

01:19:01.400 The moving walkway.

01:19:02.480 And the people that just stand on that.

01:19:03.660 It's to move faster.

01:19:04.960 It's not to take a vacation.

01:19:06.440 It's not for resting.

01:19:07.300 Let's keep it moving. 0.99

01:19:08.020 Or, at a minimum, move over to the fucking side. 0.99

01:19:11.120 Like, it's fine. 1.00

01:19:12.000 You can move over to the fucking side. 1.00

01:19:13.520 Don't block the whole fucking thing. 1.00

01:19:15.200 Well, now, my question is... 0.99

01:19:16.360 That's the nuance there.

01:19:17.400 That's my point.

01:19:17.900 Wait.

01:19:18.420 Are we mad at the Escalator Standers, or are we mad at fat people who are standing...

01:19:22.200 No, it's not a fat thing, because you can stand to the side.

01:19:24.700 It's the decision that everyone has to move at your pace.

01:19:28.860 I even hate it, like, when there's a hallway, and someone positions themselves perfectly in

01:19:33.280 the middle, and walks at a slow pace, like, you can't easily get around them.

01:19:37.660 It's the personality that has decided that no one else exists in the world, and I am going

01:19:42.960 to implement the exact structure that I like, which is I am going to stand here.

01:19:47.520 And they know that it's not the etiquette to just stand on those things, and at least

01:19:51.300 if you are, to be over to the side, they've just decided that they so am going to impose

01:19:56.160 fatness on the rest of humanity, that no one else should be able to move at their own

01:20:00.820 free pace.

01:20:02.120 What's crazy, there are all the people that do, like, because, you know, it has, like,

01:20:05.480 the two sides to it.

01:20:06.560 It's kind of like a regular Escalator, and they'll put their hands on both sides.

01:20:10.440 Like, they're resting, and it's literally blocking the entire, the whole thing, and they're

01:20:14.660 blocking these...

01:20:15.320 But that's just one symptom.

01:20:16.680 That's the same guy that will cut you off in traffic and then move slowly.

01:20:20.420 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:20:20.940 That guy's going through his entire life being a fucking dickwad. 1.00

01:20:24.880 Right. 1.00

01:20:25.180 Well, wait a minute.

01:20:25.800 What about if the Escalator standards are disabled?

01:20:28.680 Like, full disclosure, I became an Escalator standard temporarily earlier this week when

01:20:33.060 I...

01:20:33.420 No, so I'm saying Escalator standing...

01:20:37.100 Escalator standing's fine.

01:20:39.040 You're allowed to stand on an Escalator.

01:20:40.860 You have to make an effort to make, like, to be small so that other people can go by you. 0.99

01:20:47.300 So I would even go so far to say that if you're so fucking fat that you have no choice but 0.98

01:20:52.860 to stand and block the Escalator, you're not an Escalator standard. 0.97

01:20:57.720 I get that technically you are, but I'm saying the real flagrant Escalator standard is the

01:21:02.240 person who spreads out and blocks the path for no reason.

01:21:05.060 I want to see Toad's argument.

01:21:07.680 He brought up the disability thing, and that kind of leads into what something we'll cover

01:21:11.980 next week with the disabled.

01:21:14.860 Yeah, so I mean, I don't necessarily see that as a bad thing.

01:21:18.180 But if some of the Escalator standards can't help it because they're disabled, it just 1.00

01:21:23.980 is kind of two birds, one stone thing.

01:21:26.060 So I don't...

01:21:26.900 I think the real argument here, though, is what Robbie brought up of Escalator standards

01:21:32.380 are not just standing Escalators.

01:21:34.160 They're doing this throughout their entire life.

01:21:36.360 They have made that they go slow in the fast lane. 0.99

01:21:40.820 Everyone has an insanely crazy fucking background thing. 0.98

01:21:44.760 Yeah, what is that? 0.99

01:21:45.500 I don't know what that is.

01:21:46.160 Yeah, I don't...

01:21:48.200 Is that you, Top?

01:21:48.920 Okay, that's better now.

01:21:50.680 Oh. 1.00

01:21:51.700 That's the cum in my ass when I'm hungry that starts whispering. 1.00

01:21:56.000 This is just wrap it up music. 1.00

01:21:57.840 Like, come on, guys, let's go.

01:21:59.660 The Escalator standards to me are the people in the MTA that will skip you to get to the

01:22:04.900 turnstile and then look through their pockets for the Metro card.

01:22:07.980 Oh, yes.

01:22:08.320 Oh, I hate that.

01:22:08.880 That's what that is.

01:22:10.080 That's actually why that guy shut up the subway the other day.

01:22:13.240 I don't know if he knew that.

01:22:14.020 I didn't know that.

01:22:14.480 Yeah, he was anti-escalator.

01:22:15.900 The Escalator standing, yeah.

01:22:17.100 And the whites, and the whites, too. 0.98

01:22:18.620 He hated the whites, but that was mostly it. 1.00

01:22:20.440 Well, they're not going to report on that part, and they'll take down his YouTube channel 0.92

01:22:23.460 so that, you know...

01:22:24.580 Come on, Odyssey. 0.94

01:22:26.780 I heard he actually, even though he was black, I heard that he actually said that he hates 0.99

01:22:30.840 black people, so it was black and black. 0.99

01:22:32.280 That's what they were reporting, actually. 1.00

01:22:33.820 That's what they were reporting, that he hates black people. 0.98

01:22:35.820 No, he was just trying to explain that N-words will never understand, that Whitey is just 1.00

01:22:43.340 here to enslave them, and until they're back in slavery, we're going to feel uncomfortable,

01:22:49.020 and that's why we keep acting out, and they better understand. 0.95

01:22:52.020 So his resentment of other black people was that they didn't understand the risk of Whitey.

01:22:57.600 That's what he was upset about. 0.99

01:22:59.440 The simple misunderstanding, his thing was, hey, you got your niggas, and then you got

01:23:03.260 your... 1.00

01:23:03.400 No, I'm fucking... 1.00

01:23:04.120 We have to argue to get rid of the bitch-fuck-cocks here, because as you said with the ethos, 1.00

01:23:12.700 the bitch-fuck-cocks are the people that are doing this shit to Tom Lewis. 1.00

01:23:16.320 They keep doing it. 1.00

01:23:16.880 I feel like they're...

01:23:17.840 They've been to Tom before, to Dave Smith, to all these other people.

01:23:19.920 They try to ruin it. 1.00

01:23:20.920 I feel like in the digital landscape, the bitch-fuck-cocks are more annoying, and in 1.00

01:23:26.500 the physical world, you run into more of the escalator standards. 1.00

01:23:32.460 That's a great...

01:23:33.480 Because now we have to choose... 1.00

01:23:35.420 Shit. 1.00

01:23:36.020 Are we... 1.00

01:23:36.460 Or do we...

01:23:37.000 Because I don't actually...

01:23:38.840 Because I guess, like I said, if it goes to people going slow in the fast lane, that

01:23:43.620 annoys me every day on the way to work.

01:23:45.420 But also, every day that I get on Twitter, I'll see one of these BFCs, and it really pisses 1.00

01:23:49.840 me off.

01:23:50.260 So, I mean, it's a... 1.00

01:23:51.260 Fuck. 1.00

01:23:52.760 I think it's a tough one. 1.00

01:23:54.260 I'm just going with the bitch-fuck-cocks. 1.00

01:23:56.520 I'm going with BFCs just for the simple reason, as I don't want to hear another week of really 1.00

01:24:00.840 trying to eke out escalator standards material.

01:24:03.680 So, I mean, it's funny for like one, but two or three, dude, you're really pushing it. 1.00

01:24:08.020 So, I think we can probably speak more of the bitch-fuck-cocks. 1.00

01:24:09.600 If the bitch-fuck-cocks are actually watching the show, I want to see them have to have like 1.00

01:24:14.780 a brain aneurysm when they have to argue to genocide the trannies to save themselves. 1.00

01:24:20.260 So, it's good to keep them in here as like a placeholder just in case they do something 0.98

01:24:24.300 really retarded that we already have like a super easy segue to talk shit about them. 0.97

01:24:28.680 By the way, Nick Sarwark is now apparently a delegate at Reno because he wasn't allowed 0.98

01:24:34.400 to be noted in Ohio.

01:24:36.060 I genuinely don't care.

01:24:37.940 Yeah, I didn't care less.

01:24:39.700 This is the craziest, the whole, the craziest thing about this Adam Kokesh stuff is like 0.98

01:24:43.240 how little I give a fuck about the Libertarian Party. 1.00

01:24:46.540 It's just the gayest shit in the world. 1.00

01:24:48.380 No offense, Dave Smith. 1.00

01:24:50.580 It's so fucking gay. 1.00

01:24:52.060 It's grown men just jockeying for position in a party that doesn't quite matter. 1.00

01:24:56.900 But, you know, God bless.

01:24:58.120 God bless.

01:24:58.860 Hey, go out and see Robbie the Fire and Dave Smith do stand-up.

01:25:02.420 Let's put it to a vote. 1.00

01:25:09.620 Bitch, fuck, cocks or escalator standards? 1.00

01:25:12.740 I'm going against the grain. 1.00

01:25:13.760 I'm going escalator standards because fuck people that go slow in the fast lane too. 1.00

01:25:17.660 We're going bitch, fuck, cocks. 1.00

01:25:19.780 Yeah, BFCs. 1.00

01:25:20.980 All right. 1.00

01:25:21.760 Bitch, fuck, cocks have it. 1.00

01:25:23.520 Yeah, they create, they make the Liberty scene a complete nightmare, so. 1.00

01:25:29.280 All right, that's your first round on the left side done.

01:25:32.420 Next week, come back.

01:25:33.920 We're going to do this with, we're going to try to do this with Adam Kokesh.

01:25:38.980 Have you been paying attention to his breakdown, Rob? 0.99

01:25:41.160 Have you seen any of this shit? 1.00

01:25:42.180 Can I be honest? 1.00

01:25:43.420 I don't know who he is.

01:25:46.620 The whole show you've been bringing up, I'm like, I don't know who he is.

01:25:49.300 Like, who are you talking about?

01:25:50.440 I didn't want to say anything. 0.98

01:25:51.300 Like, that's the biggest dick energy in this. 0.96

01:25:54.740 You know what, though? 0.97

01:25:55.600 That's accurate.

01:25:56.260 He very much in the Liberty scene, this is not to say I'm some big honcho or anything at

01:26:00.260 all.

01:26:00.780 He very much is like an afterthought in the Liberty scene.

01:26:03.060 You're like, oh yeah, that guy?

01:26:04.760 Didn't he have a picture?

01:26:05.080 Can you pull up a picture?

01:26:06.420 I'm just not good with names.

01:26:08.380 Pull up the one that we keep making fun of.

01:26:10.960 Pull up the one where he's laying down and smiling.

01:26:14.020 The one who uses a display of how healthy he is.

01:26:19.400 I didn't realize just how much me and Robby the Fire hadn't come because I said the same 0.99

01:26:23.800 thing when this shit was going off. 0.99

01:26:25.280 I was like, who is this guy? 0.99

01:26:26.540 No one clue who he is.

01:26:28.080 I was going to make a joke about, like, with the trannies, I was going to say that Buck 1.00

01:26:31.120 Angel sounds exactly like Todd Hagopian, but then I'm like, Robby the Fire has no idea

01:26:36.020 who Todd Hagopian is.

01:26:37.560 And what has Adam Kaukish been doing?

01:26:41.140 Kaukish, Adam Kaukish.

01:26:43.220 He's been going after just about everybody in the Mises Caucus.

01:26:48.500 He got really mad at Dave because Rogan had on Dave and then, like, censored his episode

01:26:55.640 with Rogan.

01:26:56.140 So Kaukish was on Rogan.

01:26:57.680 He puts the lotion in the basket.

01:27:03.200 Does what it's told. 0.99

01:27:05.500 This is literally someone was talking shit to him about, like, being unhealthy or not 0.99

01:27:10.400 looking good or I don't remember what. 0.99

01:27:11.600 And this was his display of, look how healthy I look.

01:27:15.140 He looks like Ian Anderson.

01:27:18.860 From Jethro Tull?

01:27:20.560 Yeah.

01:27:22.980 Ian Anderson's like 80.

01:27:25.240 What is, uh... 1.00

01:27:26.820 He's a jerk. 1.00

01:27:28.320 Oh, my bad. 1.00

01:27:29.140 What were you saying?

01:27:30.000 He was in on the Tom thing.

01:27:32.400 He was going after Angel McCardle.

01:27:34.040 He was going after Michael Heiss. 1.00

01:27:35.340 He's a bitch. 1.00

01:27:35.700 Josh. 1.00

01:27:36.540 Josh Smith.

01:27:37.680 Oh, Scott Horton.

01:27:39.740 Yeah, yeah.

01:27:40.200 What's he, uh...

01:27:41.000 What's he, like...

01:27:41.800 Does he have a pod...

01:27:42.560 Like, what's he known from?

01:27:43.600 Or, like, what is he...

01:27:44.500 He has a podcast.

01:27:45.780 Getting arrested.

01:27:47.340 Yeah.

01:27:47.740 He's been...

01:27:48.420 He was a candidate, I believe, a few times.

01:27:51.040 He ran against Jacob Hornberger, I believe, on that one.

01:27:54.760 Whatever.

01:27:56.000 Oh, yeah.

01:27:56.520 He was known for getting arrested.

01:27:58.580 Yeah, he was known for, like...

01:27:59.920 Yeah, he was known for getting arrested for non-violent acts. 0.99

01:28:01.140 He was just a civil obedience shit, which, honestly, I think civil obedience or disobedience is like, sure, do what you want. 0.99

01:28:08.040 But, by the way, I do think it's kind of dumb to intentionally be like, I'm gonna get fucking arrested. 1.00

01:28:12.560 Like, okay. 0.98

01:28:13.340 Yeah.

01:28:13.880 I think he got his arm broke last time he did that, so...

01:28:16.140 Whatever.

01:28:17.220 Yeah, you'll really help help out the cause for liberty by being impoverished.

01:28:20.060 Yeah, that's got him cohesion.

01:28:20.740 There, uh...

01:28:21.700 There's someone waiting on me to shut down the studio.

01:28:24.480 All right. 0.98

01:28:25.600 So, dudes, this has been a fucking blast. 0.93

01:28:28.240 I'm looking forward to doing the live pod. 0.92

01:28:29.900 We'll, uh...

01:28:30.320 We'll coordinate on some more bits.

01:28:31.840 And, uh...

01:28:32.420 If you're in the Florida region, only 50 tickets available.

01:28:35.020 So, pick them up before they sell out. 0.99

01:28:37.620 Uh, all your other shit. 0.99

01:28:39.060 I know, uh... 1.00

01:28:39.540 How'd the...

01:28:39.980 Soho Forum, how'd that go?

01:28:41.820 Oh, I bombed so bad.

01:28:42.960 It was terrible.

01:28:43.700 It was so bad. 0.98

01:28:44.760 It was so fucking awkward, you wouldn't believe it. 0.96

01:28:47.480 Oh, my God, was it awkward. 0.98

01:28:48.980 It was so...

01:28:50.600 I've never bombed in front of 200 people before.

01:28:53.040 That was a new experience.

01:28:54.220 Like, I mean, I've eaten it, but in front of, like, 10 to 50 people.

01:28:58.440 Uh, or people I've never met, or when it's not being filmed.

01:29:01.500 These are all people that know who you are and are really excited.

01:29:03.700 Oh, dude, it just...

01:29:04.420 It just wasn't good.

01:29:05.660 That's all I can say.

01:29:07.000 I also...

01:29:07.620 By the way, I started off with some really good lines that just, you know, people...

01:29:11.140 One of which, I feel like I stole this line from someone, but I literally started the

01:29:14.420 debate off with, uh...

01:29:16.120 Um, it...

01:29:17.560 It's so nice to be here.

01:29:18.920 It's nice to get together with you guys to be discussing whether or not we should bomb

01:29:22.160 Taiwan.

01:29:25.860 And then I...

01:29:26.600 And I was like, what we should really do is just let Putin have it.

01:29:29.340 Then, you know, that way, he'll go to war with China, and then we can go back to 0.93

01:29:32.720 bombing the Middle East. 0.90

01:29:34.860 And I was like, just to think about this, when we were bombing the Middle East, there 0.98

01:29:38.000 was no COVID.

01:29:39.440 So, I'm like, we were doing something right.

01:29:42.440 But then after the fact, I feel like I heard someone say that Middle East joke.

01:29:45.640 And then I went into, like...

01:29:46.680 I don't know.

01:29:47.080 I'm doing, like, darker jokes now.

01:29:48.480 It just was not the right setting for it.

01:29:50.120 And, like, I was...

01:29:51.460 I almost wish someone actually had the footage of me and the audience reaction.

01:29:56.000 Because, like, there were, like, just, like, fancy-looking people giving me horrified faces.

01:30:01.440 Like, horrified faces.

01:30:02.460 I just put a lot of you up there being like, so what about baby rape? 0.62

01:30:06.040 Right? 0.71

01:30:06.720 I mean, I wasn't...

01:30:07.800 It wasn't... 0.97

01:30:08.400 What about baby rape, Tom Woods? 0.98

01:30:10.160 Right? 0.99

01:30:11.380 Yeah.

01:30:11.740 It wasn't quite that bad.

01:30:14.240 But, like, also, there were, like, a couple jokes that, like, I knew and, like, I didn't

01:30:17.900 quite skip the landing on.

01:30:19.240 And then I didn't know where they were lighting me from.

01:30:20.900 And, like, Gene just walked down in the middle of a joke.

01:30:22.920 And I would have stuck the landing on the closer.

01:30:25.400 But everyone was, like, looking over.

01:30:26.780 I was like, oh, Gene, am I over on time?

01:30:28.320 I'm like, all right.

01:30:29.200 I'm leaving.

01:30:31.280 To be fair, the Soho Forum audience tends to not react that well to some of the stand-up

01:30:36.360 comedy.

01:30:36.700 I know people got pissed at Dave for some of his jokes there in the past.

01:30:40.360 I, uh...

01:30:41.500 Listen, I actually...

01:30:42.560 It was a fantastic debate.

01:30:44.980 Like, I was backstage listening to it.

01:30:47.020 And I was, like...

01:30:47.880 I learned a lot.

01:30:49.200 And I love Gene.

01:30:50.460 And I love the setup.

01:30:51.920 I think I...

01:30:53.560 Like, there's some comedians that are, like, really versatile.

01:30:56.720 Like, even Dave, like, he can kind of show up and riff on what's going on.

01:31:00.060 I kind of think at the moment, I'm doing late-night comedy.

01:31:02.640 Like, I'm telling Filthy.

01:31:03.600 It's just not the setting.

01:31:04.560 You know, I don't know.

01:31:05.320 I gotta, like...

01:31:06.060 There's a part of me that's, like, competitive and just, like, yeah, let's go anywhere and make

01:31:09.460 people laugh.

01:31:10.080 And now I'm more just, like, why would I go to a debate if it's academic and try and 1.00

01:31:15.980 tell my stupid fucking jokes? 1.00

01:31:18.280 But it's all good. 1.00

01:31:19.220 This is a great, uh, just promo for...

01:31:21.620 Come to see Top Lobster.

01:31:22.800 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:31:23.960 I mean, you probably do, uh, stand-up.

01:31:26.560 I'll provide free tomatoes.

01:31:30.260 Nah, nah. 1.00

01:31:30.900 I'll kill it there. 0.99

01:31:31.720 Top Lobster, he's seen me a couple times. 0.98

01:31:33.560 He's seen me in Brooklyn twice and also up at, uh, New Hampshire.

01:31:36.820 I think Toad's put up some good show numbers.

01:31:39.240 You've been to at least three shows.

01:31:41.240 Yeah.

01:31:41.780 Uh, Pork Fest.

01:31:42.960 I've seen you guys in Boston, I think, at least three times.

01:31:45.680 There you go.

01:31:46.320 That's putting it up.

01:31:46.900 I like it when, uh...

01:31:47.860 That's the fun thing about having been doing comedy for a while.

01:31:50.200 Like, there's some people, like...

01:31:51.300 It's like being the dead man.

01:31:52.620 I've only seen, like, Fish.

01:31:53.780 I've seen them, like, 20 times.

01:31:55.200 I'm surprised people are putting up Robbie the Fire show numbers of, like, six or seven

01:31:59.380 already, which is impressive. 0.99

01:32:00.520 You need to, um, plug your other shit. 0.99

01:32:04.120 What else you got going on? 1.00

01:32:05.360 Uh, Run Your Mouth.

01:32:06.420 That's the big one.

01:32:07.360 Uh, I'd like to say it's daily, but it isn't.

01:32:11.440 I don't really know what the schedule is there anymore, but, uh, I yell a lot over there,

01:32:15.720 and then, of course, part of the problem.

01:32:17.860 Hell yeah.

01:32:18.520 Hell yeah.

01:32:18.860 Hey, thanks, Robbie.

01:32:19.260 Thanks for coming on, Robbie.

01:32:20.420 Nah, it's always fun, and, uh, looking forward to the live event.

01:32:23.860 Peace out, man. 1.00

01:32:25.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:32:25.440 Peace. 1.00

01:32:26.280 I have no way, Jose.

01:32:27.740 You can find me on YouTube, all the major auto pocketers.

01:32:30.020 If you need to go, Robbie, you can, man.

01:32:31.920 Yeah, go get that sandwich, Robbie.

01:32:33.600 Peace out.

01:32:34.440 Follow me on Twitter at 2020NoWayJose.

01:32:36.820 Uh, I just had Buck Angel on.

01:32:38.180 That was a fun episode.

01:32:38.980 It'll be dropping here soon, uh, publicly.

01:32:41.400 Um, yeah, I don't know if you guys got anything you want to drop.

01:32:44.060 I can't believe nobody laughed at that joke, man.

01:32:45.780 I thought Buck Angel sounds like, uh, Todd Hagopian.

01:32:48.400 No?

01:32:48.740 Nobody?

01:32:49.600 I didn't, uh, I don't listen to the, uh, NoWayJose.

01:32:53.440 I couldn't.

01:32:54.660 Kind of does.

01:32:56.280 Yeah, Top Lobster, TopLobster.com.

01:32:58.520 Whatever.

01:32:58.860 You know where it's at.

01:33:00.020 Yeah, uh, TowerGodToad on Twitter now.

01:33:03.140 Okay, you got bands, yep. 0.97

01:33:04.680 If anybody, yeah, if people don't realize that, fucking re-follow me. 0.86

01:33:07.700 And we got another Tower Power Hour next week where we'll do the right-hand side of the 0.97

01:33:11.940 Zyklon bracket with Adam Kokesh.

01:33:15.480 Hey, bring that up. 0.93

01:33:16.540 I want to see what they are.

01:33:17.920 I want to see what next we've got.

01:33:19.500 All right.

01:33:20.000 Because there are some good ones. 1.00

01:33:21.840 Shut the fuck up, Jose. 1.00

01:33:22.660 I'm giving mine. 1.00

01:33:23.060 Fuck you. 1.00

01:33:23.400 Uh, while it's coming up, TowerKingCole, um, two and a half takes is actually coming back 1.00

01:33:28.020 tomorrow because, uh, since we had the strike and I usually stream to our YouTube channel

01:33:32.700 for TowerGangPod, um, I couldn't do it.

01:33:36.120 So, and then we can't do it to Odyssey because I didn't have the premium version because Jose

01:33:40.860 was doing his, uh, thing with Fuck Angel.

01:33:43.700 So it didn't happen last night. 0.97

01:33:44.840 So it's happening tomorrow night.

01:33:46.620 Uh, we're going to be talking about some stuff there.

01:33:48.360 That's a sports podcast.

01:33:50.020 Um, and then.

01:33:51.040 It's crazy. 0.99

01:33:51.580 So next week, Adam Kokesh falls into white woman, disabled, homeless, and midwits. 0.99

01:33:58.580 This is going to be a tough one. 0.99

01:34:00.560 Yeah.

01:34:01.020 The only thing I, the only thing I regret is I wish I could have heard him talk about

01:34:04.980 the fats because.

01:34:06.980 Yeah, me too.

01:34:09.300 Oh my God.

01:34:10.280 Yeah.

01:34:10.480 We should have almost swapped it just for that.

01:34:12.600 Like moved him over.

01:34:14.120 I mean, this is our bracket.

01:34:15.100 We could do whatever we want, right?

01:34:16.240 We could have chosen different ones.

01:34:17.300 Yeah.

01:34:17.480 Right.

01:34:18.260 I mean, well that, no, no, no. 0.95

01:34:19.680 That'd be too fucking down. 0.65

01:34:20.300 It's already, it's already, it's already. 0.90

01:34:21.500 Yeah.

01:34:21.720 We gotta, we gotta do the right side of the first round.

01:34:24.200 I mean, we could ask him and be like, Hey, we, we regret we didn't do it.

01:34:27.980 We could give him like a layup.

01:34:29.440 Be like, Hey, give me a few minutes on fats and why you should be genocided.

01:34:36.300 We'll have him break down some of that side of the bracket anyway.

01:34:39.420 It's going to be great next week.

01:34:40.640 Tune into that because if it was wild on Clint's show and he was being serious, just wait until

01:34:45.220 he gets on our show and we're not going to be serious.

01:34:49.000 And we are going to, it's going to be gloves off.

01:34:52.020 We're not actually killing these people.

01:34:53.660 I'm not.

01:34:54.020 Oh yes.

01:34:54.760 Well, maybe you might, maybe a couple of them.

01:34:57.740 We'll might grab it.

01:34:58.260 No, yeah.

01:34:59.540 Someone put out a tweet, like a poll of like what they think he'll do.

01:35:02.760 Cause a lot of people think he might not show up or he might rage quit.

01:35:05.520 And then they, I don't care.

01:35:06.520 It's either, it's all going to be gone either way.

01:35:08.360 If he bounces from the get go, whatever, we'll have a fun episode without him. 0.95

01:35:12.360 If he rage quits like halfway through, that's fucking great content too. 0.79

01:35:16.260 If he sticks all the way, then I mean, it's going to be a good episode because then he's 0.98

01:35:20.320 going to have to roll with it.

01:35:21.300 So yeah, it's going to be great.

01:35:23.780 No matter what happens, it's going to be awesome. 0.99

01:35:25.680 We're starting out right from the get go covering this shit. 0.99

01:35:28.300 Cause I don't want it. 1.00

01:35:29.240 I don't want to get like mocked down and weird gay ass, like arguing. 1.00

01:35:32.900 So we're going to do this first. 0.98

01:35:34.400 So it'll be, it'll be kind of fun to, to kind of ease those barriers before we actually 0.99

01:35:38.560 get into some of the dumb shit. 0.99

01:35:39.980 Yeah. 1.00

01:35:40.820 I might not be able to be on right. 0.99

01:35:42.600 That fucking, I know Reed is going to be in Clint. 0.99

01:35:45.540 Too many people. 1.00

01:35:46.600 You're always welcome.

01:35:47.900 They were both supposed to be here tonight and look what happened.

01:35:49.860 So yeah, we just got to make sure.

01:35:51.300 We probably can't start this until five minutes in, but that's, uh, that's what we'll do.

01:35:55.260 I think it's fine.

01:35:56.660 We'll get to it.

01:35:57.260 Yeah.

01:35:57.360 No, we have, all right, real quick.

01:35:58.660 We have next week.

01:35:59.700 We have white women versus incels, non-English speakers versus disabled, homeless versus the 0.91

01:36:04.860 cops, movie talkers versus a midwits.

01:36:07.480 These are all great matchups.

01:36:09.580 I almost wish we did the, well, I don't know.

01:36:11.540 I guess it's just the one fast thing, but yeah, no, we'll have this next week.

01:36:14.660 We'll have Adam Kokesh supposedly he's supposed to show up and yeah.

01:36:19.420 If he doesn't OD.

01:36:20.140 Yeah.

01:36:20.580 Again, again, go to Eventbrite, uh, look up, get those tickets to see us at Top Lobster's

01:36:25.860 house. 0.98

01:36:26.200 I'm telling you, it's going to be a fucking blast. 0.99

01:36:27.920 Whenever we get together, we have a great time. 0.98

01:36:30.000 We've been, we've only done it at LP events and Tom was 2000 and it was like, glory.

01:36:35.540 That's going to be, this is like our event.

01:36:38.900 So it's going to be, it's going to be, it's going to be great.

01:36:40.300 It's Robbie's going to be, but yeah.

01:36:43.020 This is our event with Robbie.

01:36:47.860 Top Lobster's house. 0.99

01:36:49.360 Killing Jews. 1.00

01:36:50.100 Killing Jews. 1.00

01:36:54.580 All right. 1.00

01:36:55.180 End it there, Toad.

01:36:56.000 Hey, that was a great episode, guys.

01:36:57.520 Love y'all.

Tower Gang - April 16, 2022

Ep 65 - The Boofhole Loophole w⧸ Robbie The Fire

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