Ep 65 - The Boofhole Loophole w⧸ Robbie The Fire
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 36 minutes
Words per Minute
203.20944
Hate Speech Sentences
174
Summary
Toad, Jose, Cole, and our special guest for the night, Robbie "The Fire" Bernstein, discuss 9/11, sweat, and much more! This episode is brought to you by Top Lobster's Ranch!
Transcript
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Women jerk off dicks like fucking they're unruly ferrets.
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You see, the socialists don't have an accurate answer for this, and she needs to account for it.
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We can stay horny and retarded longer than she can stay sane.
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Ben, maybe you could say we had sex, but we didn't fuck.
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It's another episode of Tower Power, episode 65, four away from the big one.
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We're back, as always, with Toad, Jose, me, Tarkin Cole, and our special guest for the night,
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I like what you guys did there, and I just start off so fucking yelling out of nowhere
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I think I need something to kind of set the tone a little bit.
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Like, I take a mental note each time that I'm going to be calm, and then I get started,
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And then, like, 15 minutes in, I'm like, why am I so tired, and why am I so yelly?
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Do you start sweating after every one of your shows?
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Like, I've seen, like, performers, like comedians on stage, they need, like, the towel, their
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I kind of think that's, like, a sexy look when you're sweating it out up there.
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That's pretty good because you're, you know, not having hair and sweat must be a really
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bad combination there because there's nothing separating you from your eyes, except for your
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eyebrows, and that's just going to get run over immediately by sweat.
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But, yeah, you have to wear one of those sweatbands if you're bald, like that, you
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Before we even get into the show, because I'm here, I got my professional sales headset
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Anyone listening to this show, you better be showing up for Top Lobster's Ranch Party
00:02:36.840
crossover podcast with the Top Lobster, with the Tower Gang, Power Hour, Rape Party, AIDS
00:02:49.600
So, show up to La Ranch because it's going to be a good time.
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Like, this is going to be, you know, Top Lobster's house, some report store.
00:03:11.760
And I haven't, I even, I remember like last year, I was like, man, I would, I would just
00:03:16.140
got like my new apartment, but I just started renting this new house and it actually has
00:03:21.780
And so, whenever you started doing this new porch tour, I was like, oh man, that'd be
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And then Top comes in, moves down to Florida, gets fucking 10 acres and like, let's run it,
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He's an hour from Orlando and it's kind of, it's not far from Tampa, drivable from Jacksonville.
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We're going to be getting filthy fucking hammered.
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I'm going to be doing, we'll see about an hour.
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I don't even know if I have a full hour of standup.
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We're going to find out, but then we're going to be doing a live pod.
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So, dude, this one, I'd be surprised if this isn't one of the best porch tours of the
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This is the first one we're kicking off right at Top's house.
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You got to get your aides nice and ready for the rest of the tour.
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Real question between us, none of you people listening, you're not invited to this part.
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Are we showing up early and shooting guns and shit?
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If that's an option, I would absolutely love to.
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I feel like he has an answer because he's probably like, I don't want to piss off the neighbors.
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But with 10 acres, like, dude, he's got to have somewhere he can shoot.
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It should be, we get so hammered that we pass out on his lawn.
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And then in the morning, we have a contest for who has the most mosquito bites.
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I usually, I try and keep them out of my neighborhood.
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We call them noodle niggers on this show, I think.
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No, chiggers are like these little red, like, insects.
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And they're like, they'll burn under your skin.
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So I was like, I wonder if that, if we're laying outside, I'm really afraid.
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We could all, like, look at each other's chigger bites.
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Well, yeah, I don't, I'm going to, I've, I've stuck away from chiggers my entire life.
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And I don't think I'm going to change policies now.
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Oh, if Adam Nutter is going to be there, then he's just going to automatically win the most sore back contest.
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Because inflation really makes everything more expensive.
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Yeah, I mean, I'm going to be, but I also need a ride.
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Jose's coming over from wherever the fuck Jose lives.
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And then, and then Top even, I know Top was like, I'll go get Toad.
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I think I'm taking like an 8 a.m. from, from Westchester, getting there like 10 a.m., something like that.
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Yeah, and then hopefully I don't pull a Clint and then just miss my flight and then pretend like JetBlue shut down.
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It's a good excuse now because they're shutting down all over the place.
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Dude, is this, how bad has inflation hit, because I'm not flying anywhere, how bad has it hit like flights?
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So, I got to say, this is, this is the first time I'm really, like, gas prices, I remember when gas was four or five bucks a gallon.
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I will say I'm so cheap now, I'll fill up my car a half a tank at a time just to pretend like it's not higher, which is ridiculous because I hate having to go to the gas station.
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Like, I just hate spending money that much that I will do it.
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Especially when you see that $60, $70 come up and you're like, ah, damn it.
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I got to, like, pay $70 for gas just to buy for a week?
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Um, like, I don't know, I don't really spend all that much money.
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It's like, beers at bars aren't that much more expensive.
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And, like, the shitty food I buy from, like, so nothing's been that much of a jump that I'm surprised by.
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But as I'm booking flights now, like, I used to be able to, like, on a good day, you could find a $90 fight.
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Like, like, on a really good day, sometimes you'd find, like, a $90 flight.
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What I would generally envision would be, like, $240 on the high end $400.
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But, like, that would kind of be what I would expect is, like, about, like, $240 to $400.
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Like, I'm not finding shit that's less than $550 round trip.
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And that's really new because I even did some traveling, like, a couple weeks ago.
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And, like, that was, so, like, that's, like, the new price of a round trip ticket, like, on the low end, from what I'm seeing, is $500.
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And what sucks is usually whenever, like, the airplane price got high, you would, like, drive.
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But now with the gas price is so high, you're fucked doing that, too.
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So you're going down, you're driving, you know, 1,000 miles or whatever the fuck.
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That's $150 plus, you know, plus food and stuff.
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Well, on this one, I'm coming out one day only.
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And I think I'm taking a flight out the next day at 10 p.m.
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So I just figure, like, usually I don't rage that hard on these days.
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I'm just going to rage hard, wake up in the afternoon, do one thing, catch that flight home, and that's going to be the day.
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But I'm trying to figure out on these gigs how I can turn, because I fucking hate, I don't hate, like, I have no fear of flying.
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So I'm trying to figure out how I can, like, stack more gigs once I'm, like, in an area.
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You just got to get the shitty cloth masks that don't work, and then they're not that annoying.
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The thing that always annoyed me wasn't on my face.
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It was the fucking ears of the stupid, like, band going around your ears for two or three hours sitting there grinding on my ears.
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That was – because I took a flight to California, and that's what really pissed me off.
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Because my ear – I got off, and my ears were, like, just burning and hurting, like, rubbed raw.
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The gators, and you can just throw them over your eyes and go to sleep.
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No, they won't let you wear those on planes, the pull-ups.
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The thing that really bothers me on planes is all the Asians.
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I mean, they caused this thing, and we still just let them fly amongst us.
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Like, 9-11, we didn't let terrorists on planes, and people gave brown people the stink eye, and fucking corona happens, and you got all these Asians.
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I mean, they got really upset about the Kung Flu joke that it – like, they literally nuked that from existence.
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Like, we can never – you don't hear about it.
00:10:02.540
Yeah, I'm not a fan of the flying chiggers, man.
00:10:07.500
Before I – because I – this is what I love so much about you guys is that sometimes I think I'm pushing it,
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and then I saw your topic for tonight, and I was like, I don't even think I feel comfortable with that one.
00:10:17.480
So, full respect for me on everything that you do on this pod, but I was thinking – I wrote, like, just a ridiculous flyer for our show,
00:10:27.800
if maybe one of you guys can bring the event right, because after I wrote that up, I was thinking that we should Jumanji the flyer
00:10:34.740
and just commit to actually accomplishing everything that I put on there.
00:10:42.260
I feel like – you're just, like, asking us to agree to this right now without knowing the terms?
00:10:47.900
I don't think there's no – there's no rape toad on there.
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I don't think there's anything that can't be done.
00:10:55.500
That was a binding verbal contract we have proof of.
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I think the only thing that we might take issue with is I did mention some form of a boofing contest,
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Because, I mean, if it's not – if I'll boof shit, it'll get me fucked up.
00:11:11.980
But anything other than that, that's just gay, you know?
00:11:13.460
Well, dude, I was already about to ask, am I still sober if I'm butt-chugging something?
00:11:20.880
It's kind of like the poophole loophole with sex.
00:11:24.280
I wonder if it's the same with, like, alcoholics anonymous.
00:11:34.260
I've heard a tampon with vodka up the ass will get you so fucking drunk.
00:11:44.620
My question was, do you soak it – like, because you know what a tampon looks like.
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It has that little, like, applicator or whatever that they, like, basically that plastic.
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Because I feel like – because it's supposed to, like, expand.
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The tampon is supposed to get, like, a ton of whatever liquid in it.
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So here's the way I would approach it, and I just speak from the authority of shoving things up my ass.
00:12:12.880
So you're probably going to – first, you really want to, like, bend all the way.
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So the way that, like, you would stretch before a run where you would bend, like, hands over toes, you want to do that.
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But you want to hold your hands on your ass cheek.
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So you really just want to be able to, like, spread it a little bit.
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You just got to do, like, 15 goatsees to warm up, and then you're good.
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So you get all limbered up, and then you just kind of, like – is there anything special with the applicator, or do you go – is it already – do you soak it while it's in the plastic thing, or do you already push it out and then soak that in vodka and then just kind of –
00:12:57.560
Well, Toad, you have a vagina, so tell us when it comes to –
00:13:03.900
Toad, finish – yeah, how do – by the way, this is such a funny bit, because every week
00:13:09.480
we found out something else Toad doesn't know about sex or human biology that has to do with
00:13:21.800
So, well, Toad came out for one of the shows in Boston, and then afterwards we went to hit
00:13:29.640
up a bar, and so I invited – I was like, Toad, we're going to a bar.
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We walk into this bar, and Toad just walks – he just walks behind the bar, like on the bartender side
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He walks dead center to the middle of the bar, and then just turns around and faces forward,
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like as if he's just, like, staring into space to order a drink, but, like, almost like he's the bartender.
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Like, he just walked, and he just, like, stares forward, like, waiting for us to, like, join.
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And, like, I'm at the end of the bar trying to yell to him, because I know the second the bartender
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So I'm yelling, Toad, come on, like – and he's just committed to standing there, right?
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Just committed that, like, this is my place in the world.
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So right away they were like, you know, that guy's got to go.
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So – but Toad was so hammered, I just pulled a move of, like, hey, we're going – and then I walked him
00:14:26.780
outside, and then he looked at me with, like, the most kindest child.
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Like, face and go, oh, did I just get thrown out of the bar?
00:14:38.560
Bars closed in a half hour, and I'd come hang out with you, but I'm trying to have sex with this chick
00:14:48.000
Yeah, and then I was like, you're sure – and he was so drunk, I was like, you're sure you can get home okay, right?
00:15:05.420
So what happened was, like, we went in, like, this back entrance into the bar because I guess either Robbie or BK Chris must have known about this bar, I think.
00:15:20.920
It's weird because the entrance comes from behind.
00:15:27.060
So it's conceivable why you would take a couple steps in that direction and then realize you just fully committed to I work here now.
00:15:39.240
Dude, that would actually be a baller move if you just go back there and you just poured yourself a drink.
00:15:46.300
Let's just go back there, pour a couple drinks, and then just swing back around the other side.
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They just think, like, a midget works at the bar.
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Actually, one of my coworkers at my previous company, that sort of happened to him one time.
00:16:01.460
We were at this bar in Boston, and he was hammered, and he just jumped behind the bar at one point and grabbed an entire bottle of vodka.
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They usually don't like when people get behind the bar.
00:16:22.640
It's kind of like anybody coming up on the stage of a comedy show.
00:16:33.540
I do love the idea that he pulled that, like, video game move of, like, the NPC character that's in a weird, like, just, like, standing.
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He stood there like he was getting a message from God, and we interrupted it by telling him he had to move.
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Or he was like, no, my future's coming to me, you know?
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I was like, Robbie, have you ever had anybody come or even try to come up on the stage?
00:17:05.540
No, I had once in – I used to play this club called LOL.
00:17:10.780
It was the world's worst club in the entire world.
00:17:12.740
And I used to go up – sometimes the lineup was, like, three high-energy black guys and then me.
00:17:21.860
And, like, I – and sometimes, like, the crowd was real urban, and, like, they just hated me.
00:17:28.980
And, like, that place was scary because, like, if you bombed, you could end up in a fight.
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Like, you had to, like, really, like, be on the audience.
00:17:37.220
Not that I ever ended up in it, but, like, it just – there's clubs that, like, that's not on your mind.
00:17:41.980
I'm just telling you, this was, like, kind of an intimidating place because the room could really turn on you.
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I'm in there, and my sets – I'm, like, I'm doing – like, I'm doing great.
00:17:54.460
And some, like, giant black guy in the back row just decides what I said was offensive.
00:18:01.220
He just decided what I said was offensive, and he said something.
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And so when I did this literally just to make enough noise in the room that security would realize there was a problem, like, he said something.
00:18:12.940
I was, like, everybody, boo this man and the entire audience because I was doing well and he was out of line.
00:18:19.180
The entire room just started to, like, boo him, right?
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And I did that because I was just trying to, like – I knew that there was no way I was winning this guy over.
00:18:27.020
He was, like, too drunk, and so I was just trying to get security in the room.
00:18:30.060
And so when I went – when I screamed, boo this man, I guess the security guard who I was friends with, the guy's name was, like, Kendall, who used to come in – like, he would come in.
00:18:38.200
He would get my back, like, if I was having problems with someone.
00:18:40.540
Some, like, just waiter stepped into the room, and the guy got up from his seat, and literally the waiter just stepped out of the way.
00:18:46.840
And I was, like, this is going to be a problem.
00:18:49.120
And I saw – I saw the guy walking, and he had a beer bottle in his backhand, right?
00:18:56.140
So I'm standing on – I'm standing on stage, and I'm just kind of, like, watching that beer bottle.
00:19:05.940
And the guy starts walking up the stairs, and, like – I was, like, really debating because, like, I had the whole time he was coming up the stairs.
00:19:12.280
Like, in my head, I was, like, I could just kick this guy, and he'd fall, like – you know what I mean?
00:19:16.060
Like, it seemed like he was coming up, but I was, like, I better kind of wait until he – and I was really watching the bottle.
00:19:20.980
Like, I really just kind of was keeping an eye on the bottle.
00:19:24.740
So he walked up on the stage, walked all the way up to me, and, like – I think he was, like, expecting me to throw a pole.
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He just, like, did nothing, turned back around, started walking away, and then he actually chucked the bottle at me.
00:19:40.600
And I'm telling you, at that time, I used to, like, hit – you guys ever – you guys know where, like, a double-end bag is?
00:19:48.720
If you put me in the eye, I'd be fucking toast.
00:19:50.500
But I was hitting the double-end bag a lot, and I'm telling you, I just saw it in – that double-end bag saved my life.
00:19:56.460
Like, literally, it went right over my shoulder, hit the wall.
00:19:59.940
Like, there was a curtain there, so it kind of broke the fall and went to the floor.
00:20:03.060
But I think that's the only time I ever had anyone, like – that was the closest to, you know, getting into, like, a full-fledged flight on stage.
00:20:20.200
I'm realizing I'm looking – man, moving to Florida wasn't a good move for my white supremacy act.
00:20:26.740
You're getting less and less ethnically ambiguous.
00:20:30.580
These guys are, like, just not talking to me now.
00:20:32.560
They're, like, I don't know if you can be on the show anymore.
00:20:34.280
I didn't realize moving to Florida made you black, so –
00:20:38.420
No, I mean, he's definitely – the problem is he's looking way more Middle Eastern than, like –
00:20:43.600
He's not even – he doesn't even look like Puerto Rican or anything.
00:20:58.080
You look like you just flew a plane into a tower.
00:21:05.580
So if you didn't know, you know, that's how we roll over here, man.
00:21:12.060
It's just cologne right over whatever's going on.
00:21:18.840
It's the – it's that mixture of body odor and cologne.
00:21:23.640
It's whatever that pheromones came together, and, like, it becomes, like, a super pheromone.
00:21:28.800
And then, like, it basically impregnates them without even having sex.
00:21:34.500
It, like, opens it up, and then the sperm's got, like, a clear path.
00:21:38.440
I love how Cole didn't know what foreskin was just a couple episodes ago.
00:21:43.800
Now his wife's pregnant, so he's a fucking master at all this stuff.
00:21:51.040
But Toad is the one that didn't know what foreskin or vagina looks like.
00:21:55.320
Well, even though I don't have foreskin, but I had it until I was three, so I know a little bit about it.
00:22:01.560
Here's an incredibly inappropriate question, but I feel like this is the right place for it.
00:22:06.240
Mr. King Cole, do you know the particular fornication that conceived this child?
00:22:14.880
It was on – it was – yes, I actually know – well, so –
00:22:18.320
No, it was – it was because I know it was – they gave a date, or they said, like, it's this seven weeks and one day or whatever whenever we're there.
00:22:30.820
And you only have sex once every seven weeks, so it's easy to pin down.
00:22:35.560
But it was – I remember I was, like – I was going back, and I was, like, seven weeks and one day?
00:22:41.540
I was, like, I only have sex before the show, so I guess the baby was created right before Tower Power Hour, which is pretty awesome, I think.
00:22:50.540
I thought it was at Duke Chastain's house at LP Florida.
00:22:54.160
I saw Dave Smith for the first time that weekend, and I thought that –
00:22:58.220
I feel like that time would be way off, but, I mean, maybe – I don't know.
00:23:03.540
It was that weekend, by the way, so it was just right – yeah, it was right there.
00:23:08.760
Well, Dave can conceive through proxy, so I thought it was that.
00:23:12.900
He just imbued me with his baby-making powers that he has in his penis right now.
00:23:35.020
Hold on, because Robbie said he had some stuff on his –
00:23:53.340
Well, Cole, if you do it, though, Toad will no longer be expected to, so –
00:24:07.500
So Reed left us for pussy, and Clint left us because he's being a pussy.
00:24:30.680
And we're going to replace it once we get, like, a show post or something.
00:24:36.140
Because, Top, you're doing art for that right now, right?
00:24:42.060
That's going to – the two and a half takes will come right after that.
00:24:49.740
I thought we were supposed to be looking at something really offensive here.
00:24:56.140
I'm thinking that whatever I put in there, we should actually try and get done.
00:25:11.280
I put a bunch of random shit, and it would be fun if we actually tried to do this random shit.
00:25:14.580
You guys said that you were all going to fuck me and finally give me AIDS.
00:25:17.920
You said that we were going to butt chug alcohol.
00:25:21.760
I think the only thing that's in there that would be hard to accomplish is the boofing.
00:25:32.960
No, I'll just read the whole thing because basically go to Eventbrite, which is forward slash Tower Fire at the Lobster Ranch.
00:25:45.460
It is Tower Fire at the Lobster Ranch, Lady Lake, Florida, Stand Up in Live Pod,
00:25:49.220
which basically describes everything that's going to happen that night.
00:25:51.980
I was really hoping that we'd find out that Cole can't read.
00:26:09.200
So, this is a super exclusive backyard movie party.
00:26:12.000
Can I just say, you know, I'm looking to my left and they're filming SDR,
00:26:16.140
and there's like a naked hooker on the table right now.
00:26:26.880
I'll get it from an angle so you don't see the –
00:26:48.520
So, I can't tell if someone's getting redressed or more undressed.
00:26:56.420
Guys, this is the closest we're going to get this show to Gas Digital.
00:27:04.280
Basically, what happened is they stole our bit,
00:27:08.540
This is the recompense we get from them stealing our bit of worst person or whatever.
00:27:17.180
The Legion of Skanks sunk to such a level that they had their scouts looking around
00:27:22.260
these young, fledgling podcasts and stealing bits from them.
00:27:24.740
Here's the craziest thing is, so Luis J. Gomez followed me the day before,
00:27:43.060
He just took our premise and watered it down and made it gayer.
00:27:48.820
And then had much funnier people to talk about it.
00:27:55.880
Yeah, all we could do was rob you the fire, fucking...
00:27:58.120
I mean, we have the better title and the game that goes harder, so...
00:28:04.540
Get Luis to come on and, you know, make him answer for the allegation.
00:28:21.400
So, this is a super exclusive Backyard Liberty Party at Top Lobster, new Florida-based ranch.
00:28:26.080
Event is Bring Your Own Beer, which I guess we decided on that.
00:28:31.640
So, make the journey to Florida to hang out with Robbie the Fire.
00:28:41.480
I'm sure if we start picking apart spelling, I'm dyslexic and retarded, both at the same time.
00:28:52.800
And the Tower Gang Pod for music, arts, comedy, boofing competitions, live podcast, Pin the Wheel on Clint.
00:29:04.420
Because we have the disabled, which I guess you call the retarded, and then we also have the Jews.
00:29:18.580
I mean, we have the fats and the disabled bulb on here.
00:29:43.780
A tail with like a fucking pin in it, and you actually pin it on just like a picture of a donkey.
00:29:50.340
We make him wear like a thong so his butt cheeks are exposed.
00:29:55.940
Instead of blindfolding, we will shoot cum into each other's eyes.
00:30:02.940
Maybe we all get blindfolded within like a kind of confined area, and first one to Pin it wins,
00:30:10.880
but that means we're all kind of just running into each other like a bunch of idiots.
00:30:14.520
Right, and really, and what we're trying to do is grab Clint's ass, basically.
00:30:19.180
Yeah, it'll be who can sexually assault Clint first wins.
00:30:23.300
That sounds like a great idea, and I think we can make that work.
00:30:28.500
I think the boofing, like you said, is 100% more impossible to do than pin the tail or sexually harass Clint while he's blindfolded.
00:30:39.020
I got a bunch of funnels in my kitchen right now.
00:30:43.720
You shoot that right up your asshole, depending on what you're boofing.
00:30:47.040
I once did insulin at a party, and that shit will fuck you up.
00:30:53.300
I had a friend that was a diabetic, and I was like, and I was like, party college mode.
00:31:03.860
And I'm telling you, dude, it was like, I mean, I don't know how dangerous being drunk and high and then shooting yourself up with insulin when you don't need it is.
00:31:13.180
But I would describe it as, you know, like at the end of a Thanksgiving meal, when you were just like the most tired, it was like a tangible version of
00:31:22.340
that, where I was just walking around like, whoa, I got to fucking sleep.
00:31:28.720
It was like the one time I did Xanax and was smoking weed in college.
00:31:31.480
It was like that level of tired, but just came on in like an instant, which I'm probably just describing having like a heart attack.
00:31:52.260
I don't think it's one of the things that, you know, people talk about.
00:31:56.060
I don't think people are robbing veterinary clinics for insulin.
00:32:01.300
It would be a really funny if it was like that.
00:32:04.400
And all the diabetics just have this like, oh, they don't tell anyone.
00:32:10.660
They're like the real Freemasons with their hidden codes.
00:32:15.280
Whichever diabetes is the fat one is the actual, it's not real.
00:32:18.680
And they just get insulin because they find out about it and they just have to, it's like, well, the trade-off is you just get super fat.
00:32:24.840
See, America, America doesn't have an obesity problem.
00:32:28.540
We have a drug problem and that's it right there.
00:32:32.180
That's why the establishment wants everybody to become progressively obese though.
00:32:43.660
I want to finish this thing because I'm reading along and there's a lot more in here.
00:32:50.600
Did anyone see the picture of Dave and the big dude that we thought was Fat Dave, but it was actually not?
00:32:55.720
Kudos to him though because he's going to the gym.
00:33:02.760
The first thing I did think of was like the expectation versus reality, Fat Dave versus like me when I actually met him.
00:33:14.720
So, uh, three to five o'clock, backyard hangout, arts and crafts, which would be really-
00:33:23.820
Top just brings out like random arts and crafts for his kids and we're just all like sitting here like-
00:33:28.620
Hey everybody, we're making those GIMP bracelets, you remember those?
00:33:31.360
Uh, farting contests, which sounds really fun, but I'd rather do burping contests only because I can burp on command.
00:33:40.220
It's pretty easy, but I think it's, I mean, can anybody, can anybody fart on command?
00:33:44.620
Can anybody just like suck wind up their ass and-
00:33:49.200
Well yeah, the burping one's kind of funny because it is, like you'll get to a point where you have like-
00:33:54.580
Because that is a lot, a lot of people have that skill where they can burp on command.
00:33:57.520
Now imagine if all of you are seeing how, if you can continually just keep doing it.
00:34:01.620
Or if it was like a counter or something, how ridiculous that'd be.
00:34:04.440
Like fuck five guys just burping at each other for like 20 minutes, see new old gas out first.
00:34:12.500
You're going to shit yourself if you try to fart and you're going to puke if you try to burp.
00:34:16.860
Dude, we actually had a farting contest my freshman year in college and this one dude farted a little too hard and sharted in this shit.
00:34:47.260
You have to be white if it's going to be illegal.
00:34:49.120
It's almost, like you said, it's lynching, but it's like kind of like-
00:34:59.480
And then whoever catches them gets like a free beer or something.
00:35:05.100
We laugh occasionally so everyone knows it's a joke.
00:35:12.920
One, the other thing is we literally just toss Top Lobster around.
00:35:17.360
And we could do it, I feel like, off your roof, maybe.
00:35:21.240
Maybe just like, if you have a pool, like, we'll just-
00:35:37.760
This one is, I'm guessing, literally just we go and buy a bunch of lobsters.
00:35:43.780
And then we just throw those around for a little bit.
00:35:46.420
We should play, what's the game, like hot potato?
00:35:49.280
But it's with the lobster without the rubber bands on its clothes.
00:36:03.680
No offense to you, Top Lobster, because you're the toppest and the most beautiful of all
00:36:09.440
I don't know where I'm going with this, but fucking lobsters are gross.
00:36:16.780
Yeah, one time I actually with Lewis, he was obsessed with this place in the East Village
00:36:26.280
And he goes, I'm going to buy your first lobster roll.
00:36:29.420
And we went and just with every bite, I just imagined I was eating a roach and it was
00:36:36.020
And it tasted like a butter roll with, like, goop inside of it.
00:36:40.180
Like, it literally just tasted like a butter roll with goop.
00:36:53.480
He was trying to give him a podcast on the network.
00:36:59.960
430 to 5, serenaded by Toad's ukulele if they let him out of Boston.
00:37:03.460
I mean, Toad's too dangerous to be let out of Boston, especially with the ukulele with
00:37:08.840
That's just, there's women going to be at this place, Toad.
00:37:11.680
We don't need them completely just wet, just flooding Top's backyard.
00:37:16.460
5 to 6, we find out if Rob has a full hour of stand-up.
00:37:20.840
Nothing makes women want to fuck more than a ukulele parody of a fucking My Chemical Romance
00:37:30.480
No, I just, I literally just strung that together.
00:37:34.300
I think Toad's ukulele skills are surprisingly good.
00:37:37.500
Every time one of those comes across my Twitter, I'm like, that's better than I expected.
00:37:48.280
We're actually thinking about maybe covering Clint's intro music.
00:38:13.120
Clint, I mean, he didn't show up for the Connecticut gig, but I texted him beforehand to
00:38:18.180
ask him, like, what he was wearing, and he's like, oh, I'm just going to wear what I normally
00:38:22.140
wear, and I'm like, oh, like, a backup dancer in a 90s rap video?
00:38:33.540
Well, like, one that's, like, 10 years removed but doesn't ever stop talking about it.
00:38:45.420
He kind of looks like that member of the Backstreet Boys.
00:38:56.140
I thought you, um, are you still, are you not doing your hour that you had for the end
00:39:02.800
No, that thing's, uh, I'd have to, like, re-memorize that.
00:39:06.560
You got a whole new set, I guess, is what you're saying.
00:39:09.540
Yeah, I think Toad's probably seen some of the stuff, and I would venture to guess I have
00:39:22.320
And then, uh, 6 o'clock to whenever, which, I mean, it really could be whenever.
00:39:26.100
I mean, especially if we got a couple beers in us, uh, or more, some vodka.
00:39:30.120
If we boofed a little bit, it might be a little bit long.
00:39:32.400
Uh, live Run Your Mouth podcast with the Tower Gang Pod.
00:39:35.580
But, um, by the way, Top, we, Jose mentioned this earlier.
00:39:53.380
I'm assuming you have a spot that, like, logistically makes sense.
00:39:55.840
Like, on the real, I don't want to be just shooting off bullets and not know what's behind it.
00:40:00.260
So, you know, around if you have something to hit a hill or something, I don't know.
00:40:07.360
I think we should roll this in to catch the lobster, and then you just kind of go run out there.
00:40:29.320
Is it, like, more of a pond thing than a lake thing?
00:40:38.500
But it's not somewhere that you'd really probably trust the fishing too much.
00:40:41.200
You probably wouldn't swim in there, I'm assuming.
00:40:50.940
He's trying to build improvised boats, basically.
00:40:55.840
Based on how he looks now, I would say this is a man who probably doesn't know how to swim.
00:41:02.380
The extra bullet in my foot, it really fucks up my swimming.
00:41:05.720
I feel like if we're shooting firearms, we definitely need to go, like, a full kind of, like, fuck the ATF.
00:41:36.560
Practical TV churches with anti-bug wicks that make perfect sense because they are bugs out.
00:41:45.380
Is an anti-bug wick just an uncircumcised penis?
00:41:55.120
Live alligators will be removed from the ranch prior to the event.
00:41:58.500
Basically, Robbie just said he'll go down to the pond and just wrestle.
00:42:03.140
Like, with Toad telling bad jokes and Kokesh telling bad jokes.
00:42:11.800
Like, some of the shit he's been saying online is, like, fucked up because of who he's doing to and how he's going to bet it.
00:42:18.440
Yeah, I see him like, that's pretty fucking good material.
00:42:22.300
But some of his, like, tirades and some people call him fat and shit like that.
00:42:26.800
I'm like, all right, well, that's not cool, man.
00:42:33.900
I'm kind of upset that they, like, so, technically, we body shamed Martha Bueno, and then that was not, that's, like, not cool.
00:42:46.020
Everyone's supposed to fuck you, and you can say dumb shit.
00:43:15.640
We had some beef with her, because, like, she was like, she's like, oh, no Spanish people are in the LP, and there's no representation.
00:43:38.180
She's a politician, and then she can just say semi-intelligent shit, and all the guys just clap and go, oh, my God.
00:43:45.240
Can you pull up, like, a full-body picture so we can get a review going?
00:44:19.080
Yeah, it looks like – it did look like a child.
00:44:31.000
I can't – I can't really – you got to, like, every time I try and zoom in, you're on a new image.
00:44:40.220
She's sort of hot, but her face – she looks like one of the Whos from the Jim Carrey movie, the great –
00:45:09.080
It was something – she had the debate, the open borders debate with – he had the open borders debate with Spike.
00:45:16.260
I mean, don't quote me on it, but something along the lines of, like, well, he didn't properly address this shit.
00:45:22.040
He needs to speak to someone who fucking has lived the experience or some dumb bullshit.
00:45:27.220
And it was like – everyone was, like, kind of in their heads or laughing at her because you're like, dude –
00:45:46.260
Oh, dude, that's some – that's some serious little kid shit.
00:45:49.380
Dude, I could not – I don't know – I don't plan on, like, having kids in the interview, but, like, when I'm in a parent's house and they have kids, if I open up – I'm like, how have you not eaten all these snacks every night?
00:46:02.180
I'm telling you, my kids would wake up and be like, what happened?
00:46:04.460
I would eat all of it every night, literally every single night.
00:46:07.220
Like, I can't keep – when I bring sugar into my house, I have to throw it into the garbage because otherwise I will eat all of it.
00:46:15.120
There's eating it until you want to die and then you jerk off and pass out.
00:46:23.600
Yeah, we just – we replenished – we replenished our snacks.
00:46:27.780
So we got, like, Sour Patch Kids and some fucking – these are the –
00:46:30.780
And the variety – the variety will kill you too because it's, like, at least, like, as an adult, you'll pick up, like, one shitty snack, but it's, like, if you can go from, like, the candy to the cookies, then back to the chips, like, that's endless.
00:46:43.320
By the way – I mean, I'm perpetually in a state of my wife being mad at me for eating the kids' food and the kids being mad at me, and it's just kind of like, fuck you.
00:46:54.840
I guess I missed out on this bachelor life of being able just to eat junk food, jerk off, and then fall asleep.
00:47:03.160
I mean, I would somewhere in there put in some video games.
00:47:10.980
You just have a wife that has sex with you occasionally.
00:47:14.140
Don't have kids yet, still just jerking off, eating a bunch of candy that's – I mean, I don't know why we have it.
00:47:20.400
We have no kids, so it is just me going out and buying candy.
00:47:25.500
You go – listen, I've podcasted with this guy, Robbie the Fire, a bunch, and I'd like to just try his lifestyle for a day.
00:47:33.680
I'm not saying I want to do it for a whole life, but for one day, and I'll send you, like, a schedule, like, as if it's, like, you know, like a gym schedule type thing you get from, like, a personal trainer.
00:47:43.940
But it'll be, like, my personal, and you'll just stick to it to a T.
00:47:47.840
You'll tell her, hey, I'm just for one day, and you can experience it in all of its glory.
00:47:56.280
It's, like, then you get right into three sets, four guys, go right now, just like, knock out, get the AIDS flowing early in the day.
00:48:04.360
That way it's all day you can have – it's not flaring up at, you know, at 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
00:48:11.040
Intermittent sandwiches about every three hours.
00:48:20.920
Pretty much – I don't know where you're going, Robbie, or if you've talked to Top of this, but pretty much all of us, all the homies have already agreed we're basically having a sleepover at Topps.
00:48:29.120
I was planning – I'm planning on passing out there, too.
00:48:35.920
Yeah, unless a beautiful lady decides to join me, in which case I'll get a hotel room, but –
00:48:47.820
At the moment, my prospect's not getting back to me, so I'll probably be on your couch.
00:48:51.880
I say – obviously, this contingent of Topps is comfortable with it.
00:48:58.640
I say you should sell another five tickets for, I don't know, somewhere between – somewhere between, like, five to 50 to, like, I don't know, 100, 200 bucks a piece.
00:49:07.520
But it's to be part of the exclusive sleepover part.
00:49:13.460
We can even bring on the show and be like – because I'm sure some of those are going to be people we know, and we'll, like –
00:49:17.740
I'm just saying, I would love it if – I would love it if that actually ended Summer Porch Store because one of the five people raped all of us.
00:49:39.000
Someone took the whole toad – raping toad and getting AIDS thing a little too literally.
00:49:45.280
I would just love the headlines, like, Florida man, fucks podcast group, and naturalists.
00:49:52.940
I feel like if we're out in Florida throwing a party, we should do some bath salts.
00:49:56.540
Yeah, there's a Bed Bath & Beyond right by me, so we can just pick some of those up.
00:50:05.920
It says buy a ticket, which – go ahead, buy a ticket.
00:50:07.740
Okay, 50 tickets, I don't know how many are sold, but they'll definitely sell out.
00:50:12.060
We have a lot of people that want to come watch this.
00:50:15.600
We're not just going to put out Top's address out there.
00:50:17.780
I mean, he is – I mean, we're not fucking feds.
00:50:26.120
People know the town, so, like, they can look, make sure that it's – they're comfortable with the drive.
00:50:30.580
Which, dude, people have driven as much as 15 hours to be at a summer porch tour event.
00:50:37.020
Yeah, when we were in Nebraska, someone drove from maybe Arkansas.
00:50:42.420
I forget where, but it was, like, a 12 or – it was, like, nutty.
00:50:44.680
It was fucking nutty that the guy did the drive.
00:50:47.620
But, yeah, if you're within three hours, it's a full Saturday hangout.
00:50:51.820
Like, you know, make the drive and chip in for the sleepover party.
00:50:55.900
Well, I know someone from Texas is coming, so that's pretty far.
00:51:03.540
Some other people, too, coming from Texas or no?
00:51:06.580
I'm going to mute myself because I'm going to eat the rest of this cookie.
00:51:13.780
And, yes, we will be fishing the lady out of the lake after the show and then taking turns.
00:51:20.820
I'm glad you used the proper pronoun for the lady in the lake there.
00:51:25.040
Yeah, the lady in the lake has recently cut off her tits and then fashioned her clitoris into a nice – I mean, average-sized penis.
00:51:45.380
They posted some of the post-op, like, penises.
00:51:53.600
Imagine a probably three- to five-inch penis that had been dipped in hot burning water.
00:52:10.520
And we know how Robby feels about lobsters, so.
00:52:15.200
They are nowhere near the technology in that one.
00:52:17.560
And at least from male to female, all you got to do is make a hole.
00:52:26.740
Remember, and here's the link up here at the top, Eventbrite, and then I guess – I don't
00:52:33.060
I think the easiest way to find it is if you go to www. – I think it's robbythefire.eventbrite.com.
00:52:45.260
I thought you were about to read the whole thing.
00:52:55.100
And if I was smart, I'd also put them up on my website.
00:53:08.140
I mean, with only 50 tickets, you probably don't have to worry too much about all the
00:53:12.980
I mean, at some point, they'll fucking find it.
00:53:23.460
Because I did have some people ask me what's going on here.
00:53:28.880
The winner is the most deserving of basically going into the gas chamber.
00:53:33.980
You're being strong-armed in a hypothetical of which group do you genocide.
00:53:39.820
It's just in this awful hypothetical, you have to pick one.
00:53:47.400
Today, I posted something that said basically if the – I said ANCAPs out there because
00:53:56.920
Would you – like if the government – would you rather have the government stop spending
00:54:02.480
everything on war and instead spend it on healthcare?
00:54:05.940
Would that be both morally and economically better?
00:54:08.900
And then just these motherfuckers, these autistic libertarians, dude.
00:54:14.440
They cannot understand the thought of a hypothetical between two choices.
00:54:21.920
They immediately go to, I just want to do taxation theft.
00:54:26.300
I just wouldn't take any money from them at all.
00:54:30.600
We're going to kill two people or like we're going to get to down to one where we genocide
00:54:37.780
Before we start, how do you guys think Reid fucks?
00:54:40.700
Like what do you think is his like best position?
00:54:42.700
Do you think he's – you think he's wet right now?
00:54:44.260
Do you think his hair is wet like while he's on top?
00:54:49.040
Reid went to join us tonight because he is getting pussy.
00:54:51.420
That's what he – that's actually what he said as he said, I'm getting pussy.
00:54:58.840
He said he was going to be fucking up, so I don't know what he meant by that.
00:55:13.440
It's going to be kind of weird, but I feel like he still smells nice.
00:55:16.280
Like very earthy, like wood, but like a pleasant way, you know?
00:55:22.440
Well, I have slept with Reid before, and it did smell like wood, so.
00:55:32.820
We were trying to figure out logistics of how this works.
00:55:35.740
We're going to pick four of these opening round matchups to do tonight.
00:55:38.860
We're going to do the entire left side of the bracket tonight, not just the first round.
00:55:44.540
If you want to do left side, we can do it that way.
00:55:46.360
And how it's going to work, how we figure this out is it's going to be four, I guess,
00:55:51.880
matchups every week up until we get to Top Lobster Ranch, and the final – the finale
00:55:59.100
The final solution is going to be done there at the Top Lobster Ranch live on –
00:56:04.260
Oh, so we're just doing – we're playing out one battle tonight?
00:56:11.360
Fats versus Ethats, Ukrainians versus Jews, Trannians versus Hoppians, bitchfuckcucks
00:56:19.300
No, but I feel like when we get to each battle, we can define them.
00:56:40.520
A lot of times, especially in these liberty spaces, you have these chicks who are kind
00:56:52.980
But so what will happen sometimes, you'll have these ones who get to this liberty space
00:56:57.300
and we'll be like, LOL, I love Ayn Rand or fucking Murray Rothbard.
00:57:07.740
You get these faces and end up having an increased amount of influence than they really probably
00:57:13.800
shit because there's a lot of dumb, dumb dudes who don't get vagina semi-regularly who just
00:57:24.020
Well, I'm actually not even trying to say names because I don't actually have an issue
00:57:27.960
They're just a good idea of what I'm getting at.
00:57:30.260
But imagine, Rob, if you could, and you could just say, you could tweet out taxation is theft
00:57:36.040
and then just lower your pants just a little bit, just to show a little bit.
00:57:48.160
This is how autistic you guys are where you're like, quit being hot and actually being here
00:57:53.920
Instead, I'd rather someone who can better, more artistically actually make the, no, I
00:58:01.560
I think, I believe it was Hayek himself that said something along the lines of, maybe it
00:58:06.520
was Hayek, maybe it wasn't, it might be somebody else.
00:58:09.340
But it's, there's, it's something about like, there's nothing worse than a fucking,
00:58:17.420
And that is what happens when you just end up with these.
00:58:19.420
Yeah, but no one's listening when hot chicks talk.
00:58:25.780
They're just registering, oh, hot chicks are interested in this thing.
00:58:28.840
So that's all you need is like, just the mental thing of like, the same way dumb people
00:58:36.920
If we could take all the dumb women on campuses that are talking about, I don't know, equality
00:58:42.660
and getting promoted and other things that people show up and go, oh, I love this.
00:58:47.580
And then put them on our team so that people just show up and go, yeah, I love free
00:58:56.760
I know Toad will blow the rest of you after the show.
00:58:58.580
But for the most part, we're not running around sucking each other's dicks.
00:59:05.220
No, I'm actually playing devil's advocate here.
00:59:08.620
I was actually, I believe, if I remember correctly, I was like, eThoughts is weak.
00:59:12.280
Let's understand, fat people are driving up our healthcare costs.
00:59:19.960
You know what the rest of us, that we have to stay home over Corona because of their
00:59:30.260
eThoughts are showing up, giving all of us hope that we might actually get a lead.
00:59:34.360
No, Robbie's single and he's thinking with his dick right now, with his circumcised dick.
00:59:39.660
I was totally steelmanning the argument against eThoughts, but I'll be honest, that was me
00:59:45.980
There's not a very good argument about eThoughts.
00:59:47.540
I would agree with Rob's assessment here, but I mean, right now, the eThoughts are calling
00:59:55.960
Wait, that's not the eThoughts, that's these left-leaning libertarian...
01:00:04.200
Because women are younger and they buy on with less evidence.
01:00:07.400
I do want to say the Tom Woods thing real quick.
01:00:10.060
Obviously, if more shit comes out and everything that's being accused is true, I mean, I'll revisit
01:00:17.200
I'm not even defending Tom Woods and all this shit.
01:00:20.360
I'm just saying the stuff I've seen so far is not that convincing.
01:00:24.560
The reason we removed pedophiles, or we didn't want to do pedophiles, to end this bracket...
01:00:31.560
We didn't want Tom to live, and so we removed pedophiles.
01:00:38.900
Well, technically, Tom is in the disabled because he's very short.
01:00:51.140
Like, we've seen too many people, careers ruined over just an allegation online.
01:00:56.780
If there's an allegation online, it means zero to me.
01:01:04.220
That's not the way that, like, our system works.
01:01:06.140
And we've seen too many people taken down over stupid shit.
01:01:09.180
So it's like, I'm not even going to bother reading it.
01:01:14.560
Go fucking find a detective and get rid of criminal behavior.
01:01:20.600
It's just like a disgusting thing to just try and shame people online.
01:01:25.060
And if there aren't systems in place to address criminal behavior,
01:01:27.900
then let's have a conversation about getting better systems in place to address criminal behavior.
01:01:31.840
But just people shouting accusations on Twitter or otherwise.
01:01:36.160
And then other people going, oh, there's an accusation here.
01:01:42.600
Don't you see how dangerous the ethos are then?
01:01:44.700
Because it's like they're making these shitty arguments and they make no sense.
01:01:52.840
If they are here to blow people and all we have to do is throw Tom under the bus,
01:01:57.580
I will be the first to throw him under the bus.
01:01:59.640
I have an argument against getting rid of the fats here.
01:02:05.000
Because if we do that, then we lose Fat Dave, so...
01:02:20.260
We would get rid of a good amount of funny people if we're getting rid of the fats.
01:02:27.060
Yeah, but they don't have that much of a shelf life anyways, you know?
01:02:34.720
And maybe we'll incentivize those people to not be fat so that they can stick around.
01:02:39.580
And think about all the real lardos that we're going to be getting rid of.
01:02:43.260
I mean, there's some disgusting toad-looking people out there.
01:02:48.800
I'll start picking on someone else on the show.
01:02:52.200
Well, in the fats, we have people like Lizzo that are, like, trying to glorify fatness.
01:02:57.160
But on the other hand, the fats are basically genociding themselves.
01:03:01.020
I gotta tell you, I'm surprised that Clint is with, like, Ashton Birdie.
01:03:04.300
I feel like with his personality type, he would be with a Lizzo, right?
01:03:08.020
Like, just that, the wigger with, like, the big black girl.
01:03:21.320
No, because sometimes it goes the opposite way, where a thin white chick is the ultimate prize.
01:03:28.300
So, wait, do we think that fats are more redeemable than ethots?
01:03:35.200
I feel like we're just humoring the ethots thing.
01:03:43.980
By the way, I remember once BK Chris shared a post of a Reddit feed that was just hot chicks in jeans and white t-shirts.
01:03:54.640
And it would have, like, millions of followers.
01:03:56.640
And he was just like, why are we even trying to get cut, like, audiences online for comedy?
01:04:07.000
Like, it was a specific Reddit feed, specifically just for hot chicks in mom jeans and white t-shirts.
01:04:12.560
And, like, straight out of, like, a Dillard's magazine or something.
01:04:19.600
And those have more views than my comedy ever will.
01:04:22.840
So, I understand why people look at the e-thoughts and you're like, why are they allowed to have such firm opinions?
01:04:30.400
But at the end of the day, they give us all hope that if we're in the liberty movement, there might be one dumb slut at one of these parties.
01:04:39.840
This is our only chance to get rid of them, like, metaphorically at least.
01:04:43.820
The populism argument kind of makes sense here because, like, what if you do have, like, some super hot chick that's just like, oh, yeah, fuck the fed.
01:05:15.520
I'm going to go Ukrainians because they're the ones that might get us into a nuclear war with Russia right now.
01:05:28.480
Although it is the Ukrainians getting us into World War III, technically it is the Jews.
01:05:32.800
So if we just off the Ukrainians, we wouldn't have to—let's just give it to Putin, you know?
01:05:36.700
Give Putin Ukraine, and then we can all move on.
01:05:40.840
Because either way, you get rid of Zelensky, so.
01:05:44.380
While we joke about the Jews and stuff, I actually—even in this bracket, I was like, why are we doing the Jews?
01:05:49.940
Because, like, for one, it's, like, a little bit overexpected for us.
01:05:55.540
But we genuinely don't have—our favorite people are Jews.
01:05:58.220
Like, Jews are, like, borderline goddamn wizards.
01:06:08.280
Like, do we—like, if we lived in a world of superheroes, would you be like, well, let's just kill all superheroes because some of them are bad?
01:06:15.400
I mean, if there was, like, 99 bad superheroes and one really good one, you wouldn't be like, we can't kill the one really good one.
01:06:24.200
Like, Superman is such a faggot, I kind of want to genocide all the superheroes just because of that, so.
01:06:28.900
If we have—I mean, we got close before, and we saw how it turned out.
01:06:33.800
I mean, they might be—that might be what the problem with this is.
01:06:36.840
That was the whole penicillin thing, right, Jose?
01:06:40.780
But what I'm saying is, it might be, like, no reason to move the Jews on because even if we try to genocide them, they'll just come back stronger.
01:06:50.780
So, like, can you imagine Jews if you tried to genocide again and failed completely again?
01:06:55.700
What kind of fucking sorcery monsters would you create?
01:06:59.220
Well, so really what you have is you have at least the—as the theory goes, the Jews are kind of, like, in control of the Fed and in control of some of the worst institutions that are out there.
01:07:08.980
But then you also—the argument is—yeah, well, we're addressing the J.P.
01:07:15.540
But then for getting rid of the Ukrainians, the Ukrainians are to the Ukrainian-Russian war as the fats were to COVID, basically, if that makes sense.
01:07:26.740
Ukrainians, to me, they're just, like, non-Russian-Russians, and it confuses me, so I just want to get rid of it, and then I don't have to worry about it.
01:07:35.720
However, since we're down ethos already, then if we cut out the Ukrainian women, too, then I'm really—
01:07:42.540
I was about to go there, because if you had to say, like, if we're getting rid of all Ukrainian women or all Jewish women, I mean—
01:07:59.100
This is a tight category for bringing it to the women's.
01:08:02.740
Well, I'm going to be genociding myself if I pick the Jews, so I won't even be allowed to enjoy the ethos of the Ukrainian horrors.
01:08:11.200
You're like, listen, you go to a strip club, it's either Ukrainians or Big Booty, like, you know, so that's it.
01:08:17.900
I don't want to be depriving myself of these Ukrainian women.
01:08:22.980
It's like they don't need to work through—they don't need something to get through college.
01:08:32.420
They have a college fund, don't worry, and they also—
01:08:35.700
All right, let's put it to a vote, Ukrainian or Jews.
01:08:40.180
This is the great thing about democracy is that if enough—if the majority votes for it, it leads to a genocide, so.
01:08:48.840
I was a little bit hesitant there with where you're going, but you made it sick, and I appreciate it.
01:08:53.120
I'm going to—I'm going to go kill the Ukrainians.
01:08:56.580
Like I said, I thought Jews was weak to begin with because I know it's, like, it's just too easy of a joke, and really, Jews aren't even that bad.
01:09:03.720
They're just really good at everything they do, so.
01:09:08.060
Yeah, I mean, even though they do also glorify genital mutilation and their religious leaders suck on the penises of the babies, but—
01:09:19.740
Yeah, well, and then—well, the only other argument for keeping the Ukrainians—well, it's kind of the argument that I already had is that the—well, we still have some other Eastern European women left, I guess, because Eastern European women have the best nipples, so.
01:09:43.720
Tower King Cole, you're coming through with the deciding vote.
01:09:46.140
Let me just justify the Jews because I'm not a quitter, but go ahead.
01:09:49.960
I was about to go Jews only because I'm okay with cutting off—like, if you're saying there's a lot good and a lot bad, I'm okay with cutting off, like, the ends of that bell curve.
01:10:09.820
It looks like I got the deciding vote, and to keep us all from getting in trouble, I'll genocide the Jews so that, you know, no one can say that we were doing anything other than, you know, I genocided my own fucking people.
01:10:29.660
If you're in a game and you're like, just to show how unbiased I am, I will fucking kill myself.
01:10:34.160
Honestly, in an upset, 5 over 4, Jews moves on over Ukrainians.
01:10:41.640
If I can actually select that right now, what is going on?
01:10:47.500
I don't know how much more content I could squeeze out of Ukrainians.
01:10:52.040
There's a lot more comedic content to squeeze out of Jews, even if I don't actually really believe it.
01:10:56.140
Now, that second round matchup of Jews versus Fats, that's going to be a good one.
01:11:06.040
I have a hard time weighing in because I don't actually know what a hoppian is.
01:11:10.740
How are you on—how are you the co-host on part of the problem?
01:11:16.980
I just pretend to have read the literature and care about liberty.
01:11:24.960
That's how I approached everything in the slavery community.
01:11:29.380
Yeah, you just pretend like you know what you're talking about and you hope that you collect the libertarian ethos.
01:11:37.100
It would actually be a—it would be a great—if me and Robbie had a podcast together, we just pretend—like, we just stumble our way through libertarian values.
01:11:44.400
We do, like, a legit, like, very in-depth libertarian podcast, but we have—we've never read anything.
01:11:49.720
And so we're just, like, uh, the argumentation ethics, and we're just, like, no fucking clue.
01:11:56.940
When Dave goes on, he's like, well, actually, you know, in Man, Economy, and State, it's used to fuck up, man.
01:12:05.060
I don't know what you're going to believe if people told me they read Human Action or Man, Economy, and State.
01:12:09.380
Because I'm quite a reader, and even then, I was, like—I got, like, halfway through Man, Economy, and State on audiobook, and I was, like, this is genius, but awful.
01:12:35.100
Now, I think by Hoppians, they're actually kind of—are we kind of referring to more, like, poofs, libertarian type of—
01:12:45.020
Well, I think that's what we're doing, because I don't think we're actually saying, like, people that agree with Hoppa necessarily.
01:12:52.960
Here's—here's why we have to advance Hoppa, because Hoppa wants more genocide.
01:12:57.180
So if we're voting for genocide, right, if we advance Hoppa, we're going to get more genocide.
01:13:03.320
So we gotta keep—we gotta keep Hoppa in this, right?
01:13:12.600
This is the great start to the—the fire—the fire—the fire and Tower King Cole podcast.
01:13:23.900
Yeah, between the lines, physical removal, it's 100% what he meant.
01:13:28.240
Well, along those same lines, the trannies, like, 40% of them will just genocide themselves anyway, so—
01:13:39.960
You know, over enough period of time, if the world was just trannies, right, at some point, well, like, you know, everyone's going to be flipping genders.
01:13:48.360
There's going to be no procreation, so they're going to off themselves.
01:13:51.020
They're on a—they're on a path—like, as a community, they're kind of on a path towards non-procreation.
01:13:57.780
That's right, well, I was just talking about suicide, but yeah.
01:14:00.840
But counterpoint, Robbie, the Hoppians are the most autistic of libertarians.
01:14:05.460
They just won't have sex, so they will be—they will outbreed.
01:14:13.120
I don't know. I feel like Hoppians are usually either that, or they're the dude who got married at 17 and three-quarters,
01:14:19.000
and, like, has been with that woman for 20 years and has, like, four kids.
01:14:22.440
Or they've got, like, a Machiavellian thing going, and they're pulling all the pussy.
01:14:31.580
But I'm still—it's hard for me to say that Hoppians need to be genocided more than trannies, man.
01:14:37.120
Trannies in the past have gotten really loud and really—
01:14:40.540
Mr. Cole, the way you're shaking your leg makes it look like you're jerking off.
01:14:45.640
Wait a minute. How many of the—how many of the trannies—
01:14:52.440
How many of the trannies were misled into thinking that they're trans when they're actually not, though?
01:15:04.260
I feel like it's a significant amount because of just the social pressure,
01:15:09.160
just, like, the way that the narrative is right now.
01:15:11.140
I feel like there are a lot of young people who are just questioning, or maybe they're gay or something like that,
01:15:15.480
and they decide they're going to transition, and they aren't actually trans.
01:15:19.260
This feeds off of Toad's point, but when we say trannies, are we talking about passable trannies or these other things?
01:15:30.140
It would have to include all, but I'm guessing it would include even the ones like the Leah Thomas, the swimmer.
01:15:43.140
It's similar to the Jews, then, because you're getting rid of, like, the worst of the worst, like, Jessica Yaniv,
01:15:49.300
but then you're also getting rid of, like, some really good people like Blair White.
01:16:01.660
It's like, how often do you run into or have to hear from a Hoppian?
01:16:05.240
Dude, the beautiful thing about Hoppians is—I don't know if this is a Hoppa thing or it's just, like, an internet thing.
01:16:10.460
They're all super about, like, block, block, block, and not even, like, block and then talk shit.
01:16:16.380
They don't—like, you will offend them, not even know it, and find out, like, a year later, be like, oh, they blocked me.
01:16:21.340
And they'll never cause a problem with you, and I'm fine with that.
01:16:25.280
Like, if me and you have beef, don't tell me about it and just never talk to me ever again.
01:16:32.360
Trannies will be in your mentions for the next year if you ever misgender them for any odd reason.
01:16:38.120
And they're just going to be talking about you, and then they're going to be, like, you know, yelling at you in their fucking butch voice with a—
01:16:47.080
You also have a subset of trannies who, like, con people into thinking that they're the other gender, right?
01:17:06.200
I was going to say, Toad gets into the porn every time, and then the girl comes everywhere, and he's like, ah, I got tricked.
01:17:19.340
This happened more in the age of dial-up, I think.
01:17:21.280
I'm jacking off to the tits, and then all of a sudden the penis is revealed.
01:17:25.680
I feel like Toad just do it a bit right now, and every time he's just reframing the same question, every single time.
01:17:47.280
By the way, hilariously, if the trannies wind up against the bitch-fuck-cocks, the bitch-fuck-cocks are going to have to, in order for them to...
01:18:03.080
Put this thing in there so everyone can see that that moved on the next round.
01:18:06.780
All right, let's get through bitch-fuck-cocks, and then I want to go eat some dinner.
01:18:11.320
Yeah, so basically, if you don't know what bitch-fuck-cocks is, it's a...
01:18:14.780
Oh, you don't think I don't know what a bitch-fuck-cock is?
01:18:17.040
Trying to say I don't know what a bitch-fuck-cock is?
01:18:20.980
It's a term made up by Reed Coverdale on the show to describe any type of, I'm guessing...
01:18:30.500
Just anybody that is limp-wristed, and then they start shit.
01:18:34.760
Kind of like you were talking about with Tom Woods' thing.
01:18:47.860
And then Escalator Standers, also brought up by Reed.
01:18:50.740
This is a very Reed, like, corner of the bracket.
01:18:54.820
Reed really hates people that stand, you know, at the airport.
01:19:08.020
Or, at a minimum, move over to the fucking side.
01:19:18.420
Are we mad at the Escalator Standers, or are we mad at fat people who are standing...
01:19:22.200
No, it's not a fat thing, because you can stand to the side.
01:19:24.700
It's the decision that everyone has to move at your pace.
01:19:28.860
I even hate it, like, when there's a hallway, and someone positions themselves perfectly in
01:19:33.280
the middle, and walks at a slow pace, like, you can't easily get around them.
01:19:37.660
It's the personality that has decided that no one else exists in the world, and I am going
01:19:42.960
to implement the exact structure that I like, which is I am going to stand here.
01:19:47.520
And they know that it's not the etiquette to just stand on those things, and at least
01:19:51.300
if you are, to be over to the side, they've just decided that they so am going to impose
01:19:56.160
fatness on the rest of humanity, that no one else should be able to move at their own
01:20:02.120
What's crazy, there are all the people that do, like, because, you know, it has, like,
01:20:06.560
It's kind of like a regular Escalator, and they'll put their hands on both sides.
01:20:10.440
Like, they're resting, and it's literally blocking the entire, the whole thing, and they're
01:20:16.680
That's the same guy that will cut you off in traffic and then move slowly.
01:20:20.940
That guy's going through his entire life being a fucking dickwad.
01:20:25.800
What about if the Escalator standards are disabled?
01:20:28.680
Like, full disclosure, I became an Escalator standard temporarily earlier this week when
01:20:40.860
You have to make an effort to make, like, to be small so that other people can go by you.
01:20:47.300
So I would even go so far to say that if you're so fucking fat that you have no choice but
01:20:52.860
to stand and block the Escalator, you're not an Escalator standard.
01:20:57.720
I get that technically you are, but I'm saying the real flagrant Escalator standard is the
01:21:02.240
person who spreads out and blocks the path for no reason.
01:21:07.680
He brought up the disability thing, and that kind of leads into what something we'll cover
01:21:14.860
Yeah, so I mean, I don't necessarily see that as a bad thing.
01:21:18.180
But if some of the Escalator standards can't help it because they're disabled, it just
01:21:26.900
I think the real argument here, though, is what Robbie brought up of Escalator standards
01:21:34.160
They're doing this throughout their entire life.
01:21:36.360
They have made that they go slow in the fast lane.
01:21:40.820
Everyone has an insanely crazy fucking background thing.
01:21:51.700
That's the cum in my ass when I'm hungry that starts whispering.
01:21:59.660
The Escalator standards to me are the people in the MTA that will skip you to get to the
01:22:04.900
turnstile and then look through their pockets for the Metro card.
01:22:10.080
That's actually why that guy shut up the subway the other day.
01:22:20.440
Well, they're not going to report on that part, and they'll take down his YouTube channel
01:22:26.780
I heard he actually, even though he was black, I heard that he actually said that he hates
01:22:33.820
That's what they were reporting, that he hates black people.
01:22:35.820
No, he was just trying to explain that N-words will never understand, that Whitey is just
01:22:43.340
here to enslave them, and until they're back in slavery, we're going to feel uncomfortable,
01:22:49.020
and that's why we keep acting out, and they better understand.
01:22:52.020
So his resentment of other black people was that they didn't understand the risk of Whitey.
01:22:59.440
The simple misunderstanding, his thing was, hey, you got your niggas, and then you got
01:23:04.120
We have to argue to get rid of the bitch-fuck-cocks here, because as you said with the ethos,
01:23:12.700
the bitch-fuck-cocks are the people that are doing this shit to Tom Lewis.
01:23:17.840
They've been to Tom before, to Dave Smith, to all these other people.
01:23:20.920
I feel like in the digital landscape, the bitch-fuck-cocks are more annoying, and in
01:23:26.500
the physical world, you run into more of the escalator standards.
01:23:38.840
Because I guess, like I said, if it goes to people going slow in the fast lane, that
01:23:45.420
But also, every day that I get on Twitter, I'll see one of these BFCs, and it really pisses
01:23:56.520
I'm going with BFCs just for the simple reason, as I don't want to hear another week of really
01:24:00.840
trying to eke out escalator standards material.
01:24:03.680
So, I mean, it's funny for like one, but two or three, dude, you're really pushing it.
01:24:08.020
So, I think we can probably speak more of the bitch-fuck-cocks.
01:24:09.600
If the bitch-fuck-cocks are actually watching the show, I want to see them have to have like
01:24:14.780
a brain aneurysm when they have to argue to genocide the trannies to save themselves.
01:24:20.260
So, it's good to keep them in here as like a placeholder just in case they do something
01:24:24.300
really retarded that we already have like a super easy segue to talk shit about them.
01:24:28.680
By the way, Nick Sarwark is now apparently a delegate at Reno because he wasn't allowed
01:24:39.700
This is the craziest, the whole, the craziest thing about this Adam Kokesh stuff is like
01:24:43.240
how little I give a fuck about the Libertarian Party.
01:24:52.060
It's grown men just jockeying for position in a party that doesn't quite matter.
01:24:58.860
Hey, go out and see Robbie the Fire and Dave Smith do stand-up.
01:25:13.760
I'm going escalator standards because fuck people that go slow in the fast lane too.
01:25:23.520
Yeah, they create, they make the Liberty scene a complete nightmare, so.
01:25:29.280
All right, that's your first round on the left side done.
01:25:33.920
We're going to do this with, we're going to try to do this with Adam Kokesh.
01:25:38.980
Have you been paying attention to his breakdown, Rob?
01:25:46.620
The whole show you've been bringing up, I'm like, I don't know who he is.
01:25:56.260
He very much in the Liberty scene, this is not to say I'm some big honcho or anything at
01:26:00.780
He very much is like an afterthought in the Liberty scene.
01:26:10.960
Pull up the one where he's laying down and smiling.
01:26:14.020
The one who uses a display of how healthy he is.
01:26:19.400
I didn't realize just how much me and Robby the Fire hadn't come because I said the same
01:26:28.080
I was going to make a joke about, like, with the trannies, I was going to say that Buck
01:26:31.120
Angel sounds exactly like Todd Hagopian, but then I'm like, Robby the Fire has no idea
01:26:43.220
He's been going after just about everybody in the Mises Caucus.
01:26:48.500
He got really mad at Dave because Rogan had on Dave and then, like, censored his episode
01:27:05.500
This is literally someone was talking shit to him about, like, being unhealthy or not
01:27:11.600
And this was his display of, look how healthy I look.
01:27:51.040
He ran against Jacob Hornberger, I believe, on that one.
01:27:59.920
Yeah, he was known for getting arrested for non-violent acts.
01:28:01.140
He was just a civil obedience shit, which, honestly, I think civil obedience or disobedience is like, sure, do what you want.
01:28:08.040
But, by the way, I do think it's kind of dumb to intentionally be like, I'm gonna get fucking arrested.
01:28:13.880
I think he got his arm broke last time he did that, so...
01:28:17.220
Yeah, you'll really help help out the cause for liberty by being impoverished.
01:28:21.700
There's someone waiting on me to shut down the studio.
01:28:32.420
If you're in the Florida region, only 50 tickets available.
01:28:44.760
It was so fucking awkward, you wouldn't believe it.
01:28:50.600
I've never bombed in front of 200 people before.
01:28:54.220
Like, I mean, I've eaten it, but in front of, like, 10 to 50 people.
01:28:58.440
Uh, or people I've never met, or when it's not being filmed.
01:29:01.500
These are all people that know who you are and are really excited.
01:29:07.620
By the way, I started off with some really good lines that just, you know, people...
01:29:11.140
One of which, I feel like I stole this line from someone, but I literally started the
01:29:18.920
It's nice to get together with you guys to be discussing whether or not we should bomb
01:29:26.600
And I was like, what we should really do is just let Putin have it.
01:29:29.340
Then, you know, that way, he'll go to war with China, and then we can go back to
01:29:34.860
And I was like, just to think about this, when we were bombing the Middle East, there
01:29:42.440
But then after the fact, I feel like I heard someone say that Middle East joke.
01:29:51.460
I almost wish someone actually had the footage of me and the audience reaction.
01:29:56.000
Because, like, there were, like, just, like, fancy-looking people giving me horrified faces.
01:30:02.460
I just put a lot of you up there being like, so what about baby rape?
01:30:14.240
But, like, also, there were, like, a couple jokes that, like, I knew and, like, I didn't
01:30:19.240
And then I didn't know where they were lighting me from.
01:30:20.900
And, like, Gene just walked down in the middle of a joke.
01:30:22.920
And I would have stuck the landing on the closer.
01:30:31.280
To be fair, the Soho Forum audience tends to not react that well to some of the stand-up
01:30:36.700
I know people got pissed at Dave for some of his jokes there in the past.
01:30:53.560
Like, there's some comedians that are, like, really versatile.
01:30:56.720
Like, even Dave, like, he can kind of show up and riff on what's going on.
01:31:00.060
I kind of think at the moment, I'm doing late-night comedy.
01:31:06.060
There's a part of me that's, like, competitive and just, like, yeah, let's go anywhere and make
01:31:10.080
And now I'm more just, like, why would I go to a debate if it's academic and try and
01:31:33.560
He's seen me in Brooklyn twice and also up at, uh, New Hampshire.
01:31:42.960
I've seen you guys in Boston, I think, at least three times.
01:31:47.860
That's the fun thing about having been doing comedy for a while.
01:31:55.200
I'm surprised people are putting up Robbie the Fire show numbers of, like, six or seven
01:32:11.440
I don't really know what the schedule is there anymore, but, uh, I yell a lot over there,
01:32:20.420
Nah, it's always fun, and, uh, looking forward to the live event.
01:32:27.740
You can find me on YouTube, all the major auto pocketers.
01:32:41.400
Um, yeah, I don't know if you guys got anything you want to drop.
01:32:44.060
I can't believe nobody laughed at that joke, man.
01:32:45.780
I thought Buck Angel sounds like, uh, Todd Hagopian.
01:32:49.600
I didn't, uh, I don't listen to the, uh, NoWayJose.
01:33:04.680
If anybody, yeah, if people don't realize that, fucking re-follow me.
01:33:07.700
And we got another Tower Power Hour next week where we'll do the right-hand side of the
01:33:23.400
Uh, while it's coming up, TowerKingCole, um, two and a half takes is actually coming back
01:33:28.020
tomorrow because, uh, since we had the strike and I usually stream to our YouTube channel
01:33:36.120
So, and then we can't do it to Odyssey because I didn't have the premium version because Jose
01:33:46.620
Uh, we're going to be talking about some stuff there.
01:33:51.580
So next week, Adam Kokesh falls into white woman, disabled, homeless, and midwits.
01:34:01.020
The only thing I, the only thing I regret is I wish I could have heard him talk about
01:34:10.480
We should have almost swapped it just for that.
01:34:21.720
We gotta, we gotta do the right side of the first round.
01:34:24.200
I mean, we could ask him and be like, Hey, we, we regret we didn't do it.
01:34:29.440
Be like, Hey, give me a few minutes on fats and why you should be genocided.
01:34:36.300
We'll have him break down some of that side of the bracket anyway.
01:34:40.640
Tune into that because if it was wild on Clint's show and he was being serious, just wait until
01:34:45.220
he gets on our show and we're not going to be serious.
01:34:49.000
And we are going to, it's going to be gloves off.
01:34:59.540
Someone put out a tweet, like a poll of like what they think he'll do.
01:35:02.760
Cause a lot of people think he might not show up or he might rage quit.
01:35:06.520
It's either, it's all going to be gone either way.
01:35:08.360
If he bounces from the get go, whatever, we'll have a fun episode without him.
01:35:12.360
If he rage quits like halfway through, that's fucking great content too.
01:35:16.260
If he sticks all the way, then I mean, it's going to be a good episode because then he's
01:35:23.780
No matter what happens, it's going to be awesome.
01:35:25.680
We're starting out right from the get go covering this shit.
01:35:29.240
I don't want to get like mocked down and weird gay ass, like arguing.
01:35:34.400
So it'll be, it'll be kind of fun to, to kind of ease those barriers before we actually
01:35:42.600
That fucking, I know Reed is going to be in Clint.
01:35:47.900
They were both supposed to be here tonight and look what happened.
01:35:51.300
We probably can't start this until five minutes in, but that's, uh, that's what we'll do.
01:35:59.700
We have white women versus incels, non-English speakers versus disabled, homeless versus the
01:36:11.540
I guess it's just the one fast thing, but yeah, no, we'll have this next week.
01:36:14.660
We'll have Adam Kokesh supposedly he's supposed to show up and yeah.
01:36:20.580
Again, again, go to Eventbrite, uh, look up, get those tickets to see us at Top Lobster's
01:36:26.200
I'm telling you, it's going to be a fucking blast.
01:36:27.920
Whenever we get together, we have a great time.
01:36:30.000
We've been, we've only done it at LP events and Tom was 2000 and it was like, glory.
01:36:38.900
So it's going to be, it's going to be, it's going to be great.