TRIGGERnometry - Comedian Ari Matti Destroys Triggernometry

00:00:00.000 Clean your room.

00:00:02.420 That's your biggest thing, right?

00:00:04.600 Clean your room.

00:00:12.520 There's only one true God.

00:00:15.500 I'm alive.

00:00:16.300 I'm alive.

00:00:19.980 Yeah, I think he wants to get killed.

00:00:22.180 I'm alive.

00:00:25.060 By the way, you have a dead face and you have a very British face.

00:00:27.700 You literally look like...

00:00:29.120 Like a Russian.

00:00:29.880 Something's wrong.

00:00:34.920 Also, look at my cute face.

00:00:36.280 I'm going to laugh when I do this.

00:00:38.940 I want a black coaster.

00:00:40.660 I can see why you can't get one.

00:00:44.280 This is not usually what this podcast is about.

00:00:49.080 Investing is all about the future.

00:00:51.060 So, what do you think is going to happen?

00:00:53.060 Bitcoin is sort of inevitable at this point.

00:00:55.240 I think it would come down to precious metals.

00:00:57.780 I hope we don't go cashless.

00:01:00.240 I would say land is a safe investment.

00:01:02.840 Technology, companies.

00:01:03.960 Solar energy.

00:01:05.040 Robotic pollinators might be a thing.

00:01:07.520 A wrestler to face a robot?

00:01:09.240 That will have to happen.

00:01:10.520 So, whatever you think is going to happen in the future, you can invest in it at Wealthsimple.

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00:01:49.080 Ari Matty, welcome to the show.

00:01:52.880 Welcome.

00:01:54.360 So, tell me, how does...

00:01:56.040 I'm the dumbest guy you've ever had on this podcast, 100%.

00:01:59.060 I listened to, before I came here, I put on a random episode, a random moment, and then

00:02:04.460 I heard, like, all kinds of words.

00:02:08.860 We do use words here, Ari.

00:02:10.660 Oh, you said, like, the ramifications of that.

00:02:12.940 I was like, ramifications?

00:02:14.060 I put it off.

00:02:15.300 I was like, what the fuck?

00:02:16.620 I don't know shit.

00:02:18.180 But anyway, it's a delight for you.

00:02:19.960 I love the way you're still trying.

00:02:21.440 It's a delight.

00:02:24.600 We're not going to have the normal conversation, I think.

00:02:27.500 I think this has been established.

00:02:29.580 Ari, you're an Estonian comedian in America.

00:02:31.980 Yes.

00:02:32.680 How did that happen?

00:02:34.480 Well, I know you guys are British.

00:02:37.400 So, you guys, like, do you guys defend, like, British stand-up?

00:02:41.220 Defend?

00:02:41.720 No.

00:02:42.280 Are you the big British versus American stand-up guys?

00:02:45.400 You know, when you bring it up.

00:02:46.060 We prefer American stand-up.

00:02:47.640 However, so, I don't know if you know this, the first time we went on Rogan.

00:02:50.620 Uh-huh.

00:02:52.780 Joe gently inquired as to what we think about American stand-up versus British stand-up.

00:02:59.220 And Francis went, British comedians, oh, shit.

00:03:02.000 And I was like, there are some good ones.

00:03:06.060 Anyway, after that, we both got shit for his stupid comment.

00:03:09.540 Yeah, 100%.

00:03:10.380 Were you about to slag off British comedians?

00:03:12.240 No, it's like, well, like, in Estonia, well, fucking stand-up comedy, I mean, started literally

00:03:20.580 with me and three other guys.

00:03:22.540 Yeah.

00:03:22.660 So, there's such a new art form.

00:03:24.340 But is this a correct assumption that, like, British stand-up, you know, did you guys get

00:03:31.560 the art form from, like, sketch and theater culture?

00:03:36.780 It's kind of more complicated than that.

00:03:38.680 So, British stand-up comes from a multitude of different places.

00:03:43.740 Ramifications.

00:03:44.280 Which is ramifications, right.

00:03:45.820 No, it comes from different places.

00:03:47.840 So, number one, there's the American.

00:03:49.340 So, you get the Lenny Bruce, then the Richard Pryor and all of that stream.

00:03:53.760 But also, our stand-up comes from a musical, which is a variety.

00:03:58.760 So, people would go in Victorian times and watch a juggler.

00:04:02.720 They'd watch a mime artist.

00:04:04.320 They'd watch a comedian who would do singing and dancing, which is actually where Charlie

00:04:08.620 Chaplin came from.

00:04:09.780 Charlie Chaplin came from that musical.

00:04:12.660 So, it's a combination of all of them.

00:04:14.520 Soviets have, like, estrade.

00:04:16.160 You know, the estrade is same thing.

00:04:17.780 It's, like, a whole program, and they would have, like, comedians in between, yeah, like,

00:04:22.920 musical performances and shit, yeah.

00:04:25.040 But I just found, like, yeah, like you said, Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, all those guys,

00:04:29.860 just that, like, self-reflective, storytelling, personality-based, not all witty and quippy.

00:04:38.900 Dude, sometimes I go to London and do gigs, and they're like, we don't have room for you.

00:04:42.220 I'm like, can I replace one of the 13 guys doing witty observations?

00:04:48.160 You know, I would watch a lineup, and I'd be like, oh, oh, oh, oh.

00:04:52.540 You know, and I'm like...

00:04:53.960 Well, the biggest difference, I think, between American stand-up and British stand-up is

00:04:58.300 American stand-up is high status, and British stand-up is low status.

00:05:03.620 Low status is someone who makes fun of themselves.

00:05:06.180 High status is someone who's cool and makes fun of the world.

00:05:08.820 Well, I don't know about that, because British is...

00:05:12.580 A lot of British performers, kind of, their angle is, like, I'm telling you how it is,

00:05:18.580 whereas American, don't you find, it's more of like, we're all in this, that's why the state,

00:05:23.380 that's why the ceilings are always low in American clubs, the stage is low.

00:05:26.920 Like, I'm amongst you, fuck the government, and fuck the other guys, don't you find that?

00:05:32.340 Yeah, fuck the government is universal.

00:05:33.880 Universal, that is true.

00:05:35.240 You go to Mongolia, and the comedians are riffing about, fuck the government.

00:05:39.460 There's a lot of...

00:05:40.140 That'd be funny, as a comedian, to be like, you're all trash, the government.

00:05:43.820 Brilliant.

00:05:45.220 So what was it like doing comedy in Estonia?

00:05:48.080 Well, it's like, I would say, well, the reason I, like you asked previously,

00:05:54.300 was the reason I wanted to come to America was just because, like, I was, I would say,

00:06:00.380 career-wise, I was doing great.

00:06:02.200 I love Estonia, I love my country, and I love the language, that's where I grew up,

00:06:05.420 so I relate to my own people the most, of course, you know.

00:06:08.720 I'm sure it's with you guys as well, if you do stand-up back home,

00:06:11.460 there's a different level, you can make reference, oh, fucking...

00:06:15.440 Witty observations.

00:06:16.500 Benny Hill, you know, you can...

00:06:18.840 Benny Hill, right?

00:06:22.020 Yes, Benny Hill.

00:06:22.860 You get it?

00:06:23.380 Yeah.

00:06:23.540 You can do shit like that, right?

00:06:26.160 So you can relate, obviously.

00:06:28.340 But back home, I would say, what we ran into is, like, we're just fucking six or seven guys.

00:06:35.300 You would do a new tour every year because the audience is really small.

00:06:38.180 It's kind of like an Edinburgh Fringe format where you kind of have to build a new hour.

00:06:41.500 And I would say, in terms of my originality, I would kind of struggle.

00:06:47.320 You know, when you start to become, like, a caricature of yourself because there's not really, like...

00:06:56.500 Because we're the first guys, we're the first ones at the well.

00:06:59.940 So all the bits and all the things would be, like, very...

00:07:05.160 In America, there's just so many different voices and it's such a deep history of stand-up.

00:07:09.340 Like, even the audience now, I would say, is in Meta.

00:07:13.440 Don't you find that?

00:07:14.280 Like, they already know that it's fake.

00:07:16.540 You know?

00:07:17.060 They already know that you're not riffing, even though you kind of try to make it seem as if you are, you know?

00:07:25.000 So I just creatively kind of felt stumped, maybe, a little bit.

00:07:28.240 And did you come straight to Austin or did you go to New York first?

00:07:32.260 I've been to New York.

00:07:33.460 I've been to Seattle.

00:07:34.340 I did a comedy competition.

00:07:35.640 I lived a year in Vancouver, Canada.

00:07:38.620 Amazing comedy scene there.

00:07:39.980 That was awesome.

00:07:41.100 I lived a year in Melbourne, Australia.

00:07:43.020 Everywhere I work could get a visa, basically, in performance.

00:07:45.620 Literally, yeah.

00:07:46.520 And Brexit kind of fucked me.

00:07:50.500 Why did it fuck you?

00:07:51.680 Because of visas, you know?

00:07:53.000 So they didn't let you into Britain?

00:07:54.720 I mean, of course, no.

00:07:55.660 You can still go.

00:07:56.300 They don't go.

00:07:56.720 I mean, the whole border process you guys have is a nightmare.

00:07:59.220 I mean, it all...

00:08:00.060 Just come illegally.

00:08:01.040 Yeah, they don't give a fuck.

00:08:02.080 They just get on the boat.

00:08:02.840 But still, like, working, like, getting a contract from a club with the European Union.

00:08:08.180 It was all easy, you know?

00:08:09.140 Yeah.

00:08:09.700 When do you guys go on holiday?

00:08:11.200 You know you have to be in a separate line now.

00:08:13.320 I love seeing that, dude.

00:08:14.700 Because you guys used to ruin our line, dude.

00:08:17.220 What do you mean we used to ruin our line?

00:08:18.580 When we go to, like, Spain or go to, like, fucking Tenerife, you know?

00:08:22.160 The line was, like, fucking 80 fucking guys from Sussex.

00:08:27.260 All right?

00:08:27.500 I don't know.

00:08:28.580 And you're all going to party and now it's, like, three guys.

00:08:30.960 Me and a fucking Slovakian guy.

00:08:33.400 And then you guys are in the other.

00:08:35.560 The other.

00:08:36.580 Yeah.

00:08:37.040 Yeah.

00:08:37.600 It's true.

00:08:38.140 It's true.

00:08:38.600 And every time you go on Facebook, there's always somebody who takes a photo and it was, like,

00:08:42.720 if it wasn't for the European...

00:08:43.840 Yes.

00:08:43.960 We were in the European Union.

00:08:45.200 People voted to leave.

00:08:46.400 And now I have this cute.

00:08:47.480 Yeah.

00:08:47.780 Yeah.

00:08:47.980 So you've dotted around.

00:08:51.540 And then what made you come to America?

00:08:53.180 What made you pursue the American dream, Ari?

00:08:56.720 Well, creatively, it's just the level is super high in America.

00:09:00.740 I would say the type of comedy that I like.

00:09:03.000 Yeah.

00:09:03.140 It's super diverse, you know?

00:09:05.760 And there is, like, yeah, just a level creatively, I just feel like.

00:09:08.820 The level of everything is higher here, don't you, Tane?

00:09:11.060 Mm-hmm.

00:09:11.740 Although, you know, there's some things that I'm not a fan of, you know?

00:09:15.760 Like what?

00:09:16.740 Well, everybody drives here.

00:09:19.840 You guys live in London?

00:09:21.160 Yes.

00:09:21.460 Don't you guys love a nice walk before a gig?

00:09:23.780 Yeah.

00:09:24.080 There's no walking here, you know?

00:09:25.220 Nothing more disrespected than a pedestrian in America.

00:09:29.080 No, literally, you'll be on a sidewalk and it just ends.

00:09:32.180 And then you're just...

00:09:33.100 And cars will honk and try to hit you.

00:09:36.500 Like, yeah, it's great.

00:09:37.960 Sometimes I'll walk, just go for a walk late at night after a gig,

00:09:41.000 and cops will slow down and look at me like, what am I up to?

00:09:43.540 So, time to have a fucking walk, you know?

00:09:47.220 But so that's what I kind of miss.

00:09:48.720 And I love...

00:09:49.160 Yeah, you guys have subways there.

00:09:50.780 Yeah.

00:09:51.120 Yeah, I love that.

00:09:51.840 It's just a subway, a walk, going to the corner.

00:09:54.960 I do love that.

00:09:55.700 And history, of course.

00:09:56.840 London is huge history.

00:09:58.000 In Austin, you walk around, they're like, this is our oldest 1961.

00:10:01.760 1961?

00:10:03.160 We have minus years in Estonia, you know?

00:10:05.760 Yeah.

00:10:06.340 Yeah.

00:10:06.860 So, that's kind of...

00:10:08.200 Well, that's very much a Texas thing, I think, because in New York,

00:10:12.800 it's great walking city.

00:10:14.380 Yeah.

00:10:14.660 If you don't get attacked by the homeless people or drug addicts or whatever,

00:10:18.240 it's a great place to walk around.

00:10:21.060 I'm trying to think of the other things.

00:10:22.820 Yeah.

00:10:23.620 But in Austin, it feels like everyone used to get around on horseback

00:10:27.700 and they just updated it to cars and you...

00:10:29.820 Yeah, you've got to have a...

00:10:30.500 I don't know how to have a driver's license.

00:10:32.060 Why not?

00:10:33.320 I kind of missed it.

00:10:34.720 Like, I missed the...

00:10:36.340 What do you mean you missed it?

00:10:37.620 I kind of...

00:10:38.280 I don't know, like...

00:10:40.440 I feel like you're way too ADHD to drive.

00:10:43.800 Yeah.

00:10:45.920 Yeah.

00:10:46.640 Yeah.

00:10:47.160 I do not trust...

00:10:48.260 But I did drive when I was a kid, just illegally.

00:10:50.760 Yeah.

00:10:51.640 I just fucking...

00:10:52.520 I feel like I am actually happy.

00:10:54.540 I would not trust you with a truck.

00:10:56.940 You know what I mean?

00:10:57.680 Oh, a big truck, yeah.

00:10:58.860 I'll kill somebody.

00:10:59.820 Yeah.

00:11:02.080 You actually sound enthused by that, Ari.

00:11:05.700 Oh, what?

00:11:06.200 What's enthused?

00:11:07.120 What's enthused?

00:11:07.860 Stop using long words.

00:11:08.800 He told you he's dumb.

00:11:09.740 Yeah.

00:11:10.220 It means you...

00:11:10.900 It sounds like you'd enjoy that.

00:11:12.780 Yeah.

00:11:13.560 Killing somebody?

00:11:14.300 Yeah.

00:11:14.860 Maybe.

00:11:16.000 Maybe.

00:11:16.560 Maybe.

00:11:17.160 So, you dotted around.

00:11:19.120 Mm-hmm.

00:11:19.640 You then...

00:11:20.600 Because you didn't...

00:11:21.740 You came to America, but you came to New York first, didn't you?

00:11:24.180 Yeah, I was New York because of the scene and the city, of course.

00:11:27.720 But then I lost so much money per month that...

00:11:30.880 New York is expensive, bro.

00:11:33.660 But, dude, it's insane that no matter how much money I've made throughout my career, as

00:11:37.920 soon as I land in New York, I am poor.

00:11:40.280 Like, it's insane.

00:11:42.020 You take the cab ride from JFK to downtown, it's like 160.

00:11:46.120 Yeah.

00:11:46.260 You're like, I've never even seen that number.

00:11:48.960 Yeah.

00:11:49.400 It's crazy.

00:11:50.020 It's so expensive.

00:11:51.300 Yeah.

00:11:51.640 I don't even know what people are doing there.

00:11:54.080 A studio...

00:11:54.840 I had a studio apartment, Airbnb.

00:11:57.780 It was like 4,400.

00:12:00.060 You don't have a washing machine.

00:12:02.020 You don't have a second floor.

00:12:03.000 You're just under people.

00:12:04.180 And it was like in a basement with a whole family on top of you.

00:12:07.300 So, like, everybody's like, New York's amazing.

00:12:10.320 Is it?

00:12:12.460 It's amazing if you're super rich.

00:12:14.900 Yeah.

00:12:15.880 Yeah.

00:12:16.240 I mean, yeah.

00:12:16.840 Which none of us are.

00:12:17.860 Yeah.

00:12:18.260 I mean, there's five bedrooms in this house.

00:12:21.700 Yeah.

00:12:22.880 But we don't own it, Ari.

00:12:24.480 Yeah, well, there's lav mics, so you're not that rich, I guess.

00:12:27.340 Ari, he was shocked by these lavalier mics.

00:12:31.040 I know.

00:12:31.300 He's used to the big podcasting because everyone copies Joe Rogan.

00:12:34.160 Yeah.

00:12:34.660 And thinks you need...

00:12:35.560 If you're going to do a podcast, you need a massive microphone.

00:12:38.700 Yeah.

00:12:39.060 I feel so bare.

00:12:40.120 I feel like we're naked, no?

00:12:42.240 I don't like the facial expression with which you said the word naked.

00:12:47.220 Yeah.

00:12:47.860 It bothers me.

00:12:49.060 You've got the look of a man who loves a sauna, Ari.

00:12:53.220 Every day.

00:12:54.240 A sauna every day naked.

00:12:55.380 Every day.

00:12:56.560 And I love it.

00:12:57.220 I need it.

00:12:57.700 I want it.

00:12:58.340 You guys don't sauna?

00:12:59.380 Yeah, do sauna.

00:13:00.400 But not naked.

00:13:01.460 No.

00:13:01.760 I'd love to see someone walk into a British sauna naked.

00:13:04.820 That would be a great scene.

00:13:06.680 Yeah, that's me.

00:13:08.460 You know, yeah, there's actually a sauna.

00:13:10.840 We've actually got a sauna in this house.

00:13:12.520 That's how well we're living, Ari.

00:13:15.100 Really?

00:13:15.800 Yeah.

00:13:16.120 Yeah.

00:13:16.420 It's in his shower, but it's still a sauna.

00:13:18.500 Oh, really?

00:13:19.020 Yeah.

00:13:19.160 So like a tiny one, yeah?

00:13:20.420 Yeah.

00:13:21.060 It's the...

00:13:22.180 Yeah, the...

00:13:23.200 Okay, okay.

00:13:23.700 I resent the word tiny, but yes, it's a...

00:13:26.420 It is tiny, especially if it's cold.

00:13:28.500 Yeah.

00:13:28.720 And all four of you just go in there and just fucking...

00:13:31.380 Yeah, that's where we have our meetings.

00:13:33.900 I love it.

00:13:34.940 Yeah.

00:13:35.560 See, Russian people don't like gay stuff.

00:13:37.200 No, no.

00:13:37.600 You see how he started?

00:13:39.040 Did you notice that?

00:13:40.320 This guy's having a great time.

00:13:41.540 This guy's not so much.

00:13:44.240 What about Estonians?

00:13:45.340 Do Estonians like gay stuff?

00:13:46.840 Yeah.

00:13:47.420 You love it?

00:13:48.080 Yeah, I need it.

00:13:50.460 It's funny.

00:13:51.100 You know who don't like gay stuff?

00:13:55.220 Who?

00:13:55.320 Russians and black people.

00:13:56.920 Really?

00:13:57.340 I don't like gay stuff.

00:13:58.900 You ever grab a black guy's ass cheek?

00:14:01.520 I've never done that.

00:14:02.220 No, no.

00:14:02.560 A little cupcake?

00:14:03.380 No.

00:14:03.700 Give it a little smooch?

00:14:05.040 No.

00:14:05.260 And what happens if you do that?

00:14:06.460 You just get angry, and I love that.

00:14:10.320 Harry, you're going to get shot one day.

00:14:11.920 You know that.

00:14:12.640 Probably, yeah.

00:14:13.280 Yeah.

00:14:14.060 I'll squeeze that little butt.

00:14:15.640 But they have their butt out.

00:14:17.060 You do know you're in Texas, Harry.

00:14:18.720 I know.

00:14:19.120 It's crazy.

00:14:19.640 There are guns here, my friend.

00:14:21.280 You can't just go around grabbing black people's asses.

00:14:24.260 I know.

00:14:24.620 That's another thing I don't like.

00:14:25.360 It's a controversial statement.

00:14:26.520 Yeah, it is.

00:14:27.620 Yeah.

00:14:28.120 When I said that, I just went, we've had Jordan Peterson on the show.

00:14:30.780 Yeah.

00:14:31.360 No, but before we started.

00:14:33.800 Clean your room.

00:14:35.620 That's Jordan Peterson, right?

00:14:37.860 Clean it.

00:14:38.860 You can judge me.

00:14:44.700 I'm just leaking in the room.

00:14:49.640 I will be honest with you.

00:14:55.620 That is not the best impression of Jordan Peterson I've ever heard, but he's the funniest.

00:15:00.020 He is my favorite impression.

00:15:02.460 That is.

00:15:02.840 Not the best, but the funniest.

00:15:04.840 He's been to Estonia, and I've met him too.

00:15:06.900 Has he?

00:15:07.380 Yeah.

00:15:07.700 You met him?

00:15:08.460 It's the hardest.

00:15:12.200 The Latinx don't pick it up, don't worry.

00:15:13.580 No.

00:15:14.100 Okay.

00:15:15.120 I was on tour with Jordan last year.

00:15:18.060 Really?

00:15:18.540 Yeah.

00:15:18.920 Oh, like open or whatever?

00:15:20.180 Yeah, I was open with him.

00:15:21.140 Did you do like jokes?

00:15:22.420 I did, yeah.

00:15:24.500 So you like buried him?

00:15:25.760 Because he doesn't do jokes, right?

00:15:26.700 I buried him.

00:15:29.400 What do you mean I buried him?

00:15:31.320 Ah, hasn't been in America long enough.

00:15:33.160 It's like when you do so much, so good that someone can't follow you.

00:15:36.480 It's like a stand-up term.

00:15:37.540 Oh, I see, I see, I see.

00:15:38.540 Comedian juice.

00:15:39.140 I see what you mean.

00:15:39.800 It's comedian being.

00:15:40.420 No, I didn't, he's actually very funny.

00:15:43.900 Yeah, he is, yeah.

00:15:44.660 He doesn't realize he's funny.

00:15:45.620 He was crushing.

00:15:46.020 What he does is, the biggest frustration I have with Jordan is he talks over his own punchlines.

00:15:51.580 So he will say something really funny, and people will start laughing, and he goes, no,

00:15:55.000 no, I'm being deadly serious.

00:15:56.340 And then Jordan just let them laugh.

00:15:57.720 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:15:58.720 So you met him?

00:15:59.920 Yeah.

00:16:00.180 So you're a fan?

00:16:00.660 Super nice.

00:16:01.080 Yeah.

00:16:01.540 He did kill Tony.

00:16:02.460 He was super funny.

00:16:03.320 And he has those awesome suits.

00:16:04.880 His suit guy actually contacted me.

00:16:06.740 I think he's like an Estonian guy.

00:16:08.980 I think so.

00:16:09.400 You know the awesome suits that he has?

00:16:11.460 Yeah.

00:16:11.760 He looks like a fucking villain.

00:16:14.060 Yeah, Dimitri.

00:16:15.080 We've had him on the show.

00:16:16.220 Lex Friedman, Jordan Peterson.

00:16:17.180 He made this.

00:16:17.940 This is made by him.

00:16:19.160 Oh, see, that's the guy.

00:16:20.600 That's in Estonia, by the way.

00:16:21.760 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:16:22.020 That fashion person.

00:16:22.660 I know, I know.

00:16:23.080 Oh.

00:16:23.340 Look good, feel good.

00:16:24.640 Yeah, wow.

00:16:25.720 Yeah.

00:16:26.020 That's a beautiful...

00:16:26.420 He made a bunch of stuff for me.

00:16:27.780 Beautiful, yeah.

00:16:28.200 So you should, you should meet Dimitri.

00:16:31.200 Jordan Peterson, Elon Musk, Lex Friedman, they all have this villain vibe, don't they?

00:16:35.300 They're going to do some...

00:16:38.260 I don't know, like, Jordan, Lex, Lex doesn't have a villain vibe, does he?

00:16:43.040 Lex is just autistic.

00:16:44.120 Yeah.

00:16:44.600 I guess so.

00:16:45.100 I hope, I hope that's official, because he just looks autistic and sounds autistic and

00:16:49.220 acts autistic.

00:16:50.020 Yeah.

00:16:50.640 And is autistic.

00:16:51.740 Yeah.

00:16:52.680 Yeah.

00:16:53.180 So is Elon.

00:16:54.000 So you just don't like autistic people?

00:16:55.580 No, they're villains.

00:16:56.680 Like, they're up to something.

00:16:58.260 They're up to something.

00:16:59.500 Yeah, what do you think they're up to?

00:17:00.860 I don't know.

00:17:02.280 How did Lex Friedman get rich?

00:17:07.040 I assumed it was his podcast.

00:17:08.760 Maybe.

00:17:09.000 It's those big numbers.

00:17:09.960 Yeah.

00:17:10.120 Maybe, yeah.

00:17:10.540 I read something on Reddit.

00:17:12.860 Tell me more.

00:17:13.620 The Russian government.

00:17:14.440 The Russian government.

00:17:16.100 Do you trust him?

00:17:17.260 Do I trust who?

00:17:18.340 Me.

00:17:19.140 Yeah.

00:17:19.280 Russian government, no.

00:17:20.060 Oh, well, do I trust the Russian government?

00:17:22.060 No, I don't trust the Russian government.

00:17:23.060 Do you know, it has become absolutely fine to say shit like that about Russians.

00:17:27.680 It is.

00:17:29.360 Thank God.

00:17:31.280 I've been waiting here.

00:17:33.880 No, we call them, you know, we call you guys onions in Estonia.

00:17:36.900 Onions?

00:17:37.460 Onions.

00:17:38.060 What is that?

00:17:38.520 And it was like the N-word.

00:17:39.640 Because we make you cry?

00:17:41.080 No, because you guys moved to our country.

00:17:44.220 And then you would sell onions.

00:17:46.740 Oh.

00:17:47.540 I've never sold onions in Estonia.

00:17:49.400 We call you onions.

00:17:50.460 And it was like the N-word for Russians.

00:17:53.440 And now after you guys started the whole thing, we can just let it fly.

00:17:57.100 And it feels good.

00:17:57.900 You're happy.

00:17:58.800 How do people in Estonia feel about what's going on?

00:18:01.000 What do you think?

00:18:04.040 Excited?

00:18:04.760 What do you think?

00:18:05.560 Looking forward to joining the Commonwealth?

00:18:09.640 No, we hate it.

00:18:10.880 Yeah.

00:18:11.360 Yeah.

00:18:12.800 It's weird, isn't it, to see the way Americans talk about Putin.

00:18:17.240 Yeah.

00:18:17.540 It's very surprising, yeah.

00:18:19.880 Like, that you guys are, well, you guys.

00:18:22.460 No, the last guys.

00:18:23.460 No.

00:18:24.260 They're like super pro-Russia.

00:18:24.800 But that's in Texas.

00:18:26.060 Yeah.

00:18:26.420 People in Austin.

00:18:28.600 Yeah, I haven't been around.

00:18:29.760 New York, maybe it's more Ukrainian.

00:18:31.560 Yeah.

00:18:31.600 Because I see the flags when you walk around.

00:18:33.440 Yeah.

00:18:33.960 But it is interesting, yeah.

00:18:35.400 No, but in Austin, it's weird.

00:18:36.460 Because a lot of people here just openly pro-Putin.

00:18:39.140 Yeah, and they're like, well, what did Ukraine do?

00:18:42.320 And I'm like, just be a sovereign country.

00:18:45.800 Yeah, it's crazy that they side with somebody who's invading another country.

00:18:50.820 And I know there's a bigger picture, politics, NATO.

00:18:53.980 I know there's all this.

00:18:54.900 But overall, Russia has a pretty bad rap, I would say.

00:18:59.700 You think we're next?

00:19:01.180 Do you think, well.

00:19:02.300 Do you think you're next?

00:19:03.300 I hope not.

00:19:03.700 This time.

00:19:04.040 Although, I don't know a lot about visas, but if Estonia gets invaded and I'm here, refugee visa?

00:19:15.700 It's good you're thinking of the bigger picture, aren't I?

00:19:17.600 Yeah.

00:19:19.580 It's good.

00:19:20.560 I think so, right?

00:19:21.540 Yeah.

00:19:22.060 Yeah.

00:19:22.720 Yeah, but I mean, you don't need a refugee visa.

00:19:24.720 You're crushing it.

00:19:25.760 Yeah, maybe.

00:19:26.820 I don't know.

00:19:27.280 Or they call me back to war.

00:19:29.340 I wouldn't want you in my army.

00:19:30.920 No, mate.

00:19:31.560 Oh, fuck no, dude.

00:19:32.300 I'm going to shoot you.

00:19:34.060 Yourself.

00:19:34.680 Yeah, exactly.

00:19:36.080 But you're going to do it by accident, which is the worst thing.

00:19:39.320 Yeah.

00:19:40.020 I'll transition if war happens.

00:19:41.980 Will you?

00:19:42.660 Yeah.

00:19:43.220 It's where I skirt, hang out with the girls, wait for the men to get back on.

00:19:47.340 I'll have a tissue, I'll wave at you like this.

00:19:48.960 Okay, boys.

00:19:51.980 I mean, that's not...

00:19:53.080 Do you know what?

00:19:53.980 You're not going to be the only one that does that.

00:19:55.780 Oh, yeah.

00:19:56.660 Just everyone transitions.

00:19:57.900 Yeah.

00:19:58.680 Everyone transitions.

00:19:59.780 Everyone's going to do that.

00:20:00.620 Yeah.

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00:21:39.340 So you've been here a while, and you went to New York, you had a couple of students in New York,

00:21:45.900 and then you did Kill Tony.

00:21:47.340 Mm-hmm.

00:21:47.960 And that's when everything went, wow.

00:21:50.640 Yeah, it was pretty quick, yeah.

00:21:51.940 I mean, Kill Tony's such a big, even when I did it a year ago, and even now, it's like such,

00:21:56.400 it just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

00:21:58.160 So, yeah, it's good to be a part of that.

00:22:00.180 I mean, it's hard writing a new minute every week.

00:22:02.260 Of course, there's some challenges to it.

00:22:03.820 But it's awesome to be a part of, I kind of like had to, kind of got a shortcut, you know.

00:22:08.900 Although, I mean, I've been doing it for 13 years as an open mic or grinding, so I guess it's not,

00:22:14.300 you know, I paid my dues, but it is a good way to get into the American stand-up.

00:22:19.560 It's like super easy.

00:22:21.060 It's like the Johnny Carson tonight show, something like that, you know.

00:22:24.140 Yeah, but you've still got to make the impact.

00:22:26.240 There's loads of people.

00:22:27.080 There's people who go on Kill Tony and are actually very good and do a great one-minute set,

00:22:32.520 but for whatever reason, it doesn't pop like the way you popped.

00:22:36.000 Yeah, it's that interesting thing with stand-up is like, you can't quite explain it on paper.

00:22:42.180 Because, yeah, sometimes, but how many times will you see a guy who crushes it on stage altogether?

00:22:47.040 You see him fucking crush a 15-minute set, but then doesn't quite move into that premier ticket-selling thing.

00:22:54.080 It's just, I think it's like there's so many stand-up comedians who are amazing right now.

00:22:59.900 You need to have something, just that weird, whatever people connect with, you know, that X-Factor,

00:23:05.300 whatever the fuck they call it, you know.

00:23:07.080 So it's just, I think being funny, like being funny on stage can often be a very formulaic thing

00:23:14.880 that you can kind of figure out.

00:23:15.760 I think everyone has a five-minute set.

00:23:17.660 Yeah.

00:23:18.000 Everyone has a five-minute set.

00:23:19.200 Everyone has enough perspective and things happen to their life that they can make five minutes about their own life funny.

00:23:25.380 Yeah.

00:23:26.220 But to have that extra, extra, that's like, I think being funny is sometimes easier than being interesting, you know.

00:23:34.520 Like not often.

00:23:35.480 I mean, but sometimes you'll watch a guy and I'm like, yeah, he's funny, but is it like,

00:23:40.700 it's like, yeah, you said like Theo Vaughn, you know, it's like, it's just a fucking, there's only one Theo Vaughn, you know.

00:23:46.720 You couldn't put it on paper.

00:23:49.260 But there's a lot of guys who are very formulaic, I guess.

00:23:52.920 Yeah.

00:23:53.600 So Kill Tony really emphasizes that of like, what's, that's why the interview portion is so important too.

00:23:59.380 It's like, what's, what's the thing about you?

00:24:01.540 What's crazy about you?

00:24:03.240 What's interesting, you know.

00:24:04.420 So what was your first time, what was the first time like when you were on there?

00:24:09.200 Luckily, luckily, I did a spot, I got on Kill Tone, not from the bucket even.

00:24:14.780 I just did a spot at the little boy next door and I went straight on Kill Tone maybe 20 minutes later.

00:24:20.020 And I was auditioning at the mothership.

00:24:22.060 So I already had so big of an adrenaline dump.

00:24:25.780 And the upside for me, I wasn't, I knew Kill Tone.

00:24:29.660 If you know, if you're a comedian, you know Kill Tone.

00:24:31.340 I know the format, I know the interviewer, I know Tony Inchgriff, I know Brian Redman.

00:24:34.740 Of course, I know that.

00:24:36.020 But I didn't quite know how big of a thing it is.

00:24:40.660 So I didn't really know to be that nervous, I would say.

00:24:44.080 And then I did it a couple of times and it started getting bigger and bigger.

00:24:47.660 So I think that was the upside.

00:24:48.940 I think a lot of people who are in that alley, when they sign up, they put a lot of pressure on themselves.

00:24:53.760 And one minute is hard, you know.

00:24:55.380 It's just like, like my style is, you know, I'm a very physical comedian.

00:24:59.480 I don't really, to be honest, I don't really have jokes.

00:25:02.620 I just, it's the way I do it.

00:25:03.960 That's funny.

00:25:05.060 So I kind of had to rewrite my style too, which is a fun challenge.

00:25:08.920 Like for the first time, I'm actually writing anecdotal jokes with a setup, left turn, punchline.

00:25:14.040 Because I can't just do it.

00:25:15.920 Like I can't do this for a minute and it doesn't hit, you know.

00:25:21.200 Yeah.

00:25:22.020 So that's the fun side, I would say.

00:25:25.460 Because, and it must have been weird though, Ari, because you were, like you said, you were grinding for 13 years.

00:25:31.080 You go on to kill Tony.

00:25:32.680 Mm-hmm.

00:25:33.020 And then bam.

00:25:34.200 Yeah.

00:25:35.200 Was it like that?

00:25:37.140 About four or five month period, I would say, that it started going, yeah.

00:25:41.860 But especially in Austin, you know, everybody, the mothership is such a huge cultural place here.

00:25:47.480 And kill Tony as well.

00:25:48.740 So here it's pretty crazy, yeah.

00:25:51.500 Everybody knows me here.

00:25:52.720 Yeah.

00:25:53.060 Which is nice, you know.

00:25:54.080 You feel at home.

00:25:55.760 Is that, it is nice.

00:25:57.660 Is it weird though on some level when you're so used to grinding that when it finally happens, you go, I can't actually believe this is working.

00:26:05.700 Yeah, I mean, it is, yeah, yeah.

00:26:08.040 And sometimes you kind of forget, like, yeah, you kind of forget that you have maybe not a responsibility, but something, you know, people will listen to you in a different way or treat you differently, kind of.

00:26:23.880 You know, whereas when you're killing in the oblivion, it's kind of, it's a safety zone.

00:26:28.500 It's a safety zone.

00:26:30.040 But I try not to lose that.

00:26:31.240 Like, I still, I still do love that feeling of like, but then you go to New York, like when you do gigs in New York, see, that's different because it's such a melting pot.

00:26:40.980 There's no way that you're going to have mostly kill Tony fans in a room.

00:26:44.800 When I do New York, it's about eight.

00:26:46.840 If I drop into a club, it's 80, 80 people.

00:26:49.420 I'd say 80 people, three of them will know who I am.

00:26:52.240 The rest of them are fucking from Norway or some shit, you know.

00:26:55.280 And it's, so you kind of feel, it kind of reality checks you, you know.

00:26:59.460 I go on, I do this shit and it's not hitting, I'm like, oh, I forgot what it feels like to introduce yourself to a crowd a little bit.

00:27:06.560 When, you guys, you guys tour as well, right?

00:27:08.760 With stand-up and shit?

00:27:09.800 Francis does.

00:27:10.520 I do.

00:27:11.060 Yeah, yeah.

00:27:11.760 So when you, it's kind of the same thing, you know, when you do your own fans.

00:27:14.900 Yeah.

00:27:15.220 Oh, it's totally different.

00:27:16.020 Yeah, yeah.

00:27:16.600 You kind of feel that comfort.

00:27:18.800 But having that comfort is important too, I think.

00:27:21.180 I think being always desperate to prove yourself can kind of limit yourself creatively because you'll always feel like, yeah, you have to prove yourself.

00:27:30.320 So you have to get to that laugh.

00:27:31.600 Whereas sometimes bits that are bigger in picture and maybe a bit more unique to yourself come when you're in the comfort of being yourself.

00:27:43.020 So there's a balance.

00:27:44.840 You have to feel comfortable still, I think, to some extent.

00:27:47.680 Yeah, and it's also, I love New York for stand-up because it is the most cutthroat place in the world.

00:27:53.980 Cutthroat spot.

00:27:55.440 And there's so many different audiences.

00:27:56.700 You literally do a room with the same bits and then go fucking from Brooklyn to Manhattan and it's a whole different ballgame.

00:28:04.260 Different types of people, different types of economic levels, different class, different races, different backgrounds.

00:28:10.140 Yeah, it's very hard.

00:28:11.300 It's why with Austin, and I love Austin, but it's kind of the same room time after time.

00:28:16.480 Well, of course, with variations, but a lot of the time.

00:28:19.920 It is, it is, for sure.

00:28:20.820 Like if you open up with faggot, stand and go.

00:28:25.220 That is so true.

00:28:26.500 Yeah, if you go sub faggots, hell yeah!

00:28:31.020 And then retard?

00:28:33.020 Oh, you have to, I think it's in the contract.

00:28:35.220 At the mothership, you have to have two retards and a faggot in your set.

00:28:38.180 Yeah.

00:28:38.980 Yeah.

00:28:39.640 Try to bring the end word back too.

00:28:41.860 How's that going?

00:28:42.560 Do you do that before or after you grab the arse?

00:28:52.880 I do say that I end word on stage sometimes, but in Estonia only.

00:28:56.520 In Estonia only?

00:28:57.520 Yeah.

00:28:58.580 Yeah.

00:28:59.320 Yeah, Estonians don't have a problem with it.

00:29:00.940 Yeah, because we don't have them, so.

00:29:02.420 Can't be racist if it's not.

00:29:05.560 That's.

00:29:06.380 Can't be racist over in the ocean, you know, if I yell the end word on.

00:29:09.440 I guess logically it makes sense.

00:29:15.840 Yeah.

00:29:16.180 And there's no, like, hatred involved in, yeah, Estonia is also very, very, like, we've never

00:29:22.960 had any sort of cancer.

00:29:24.920 Like, our culture is not even, I mean, you know, we got liberated from.

00:29:28.580 I broke it.

00:29:35.700 I broke it.

00:29:36.260 I'm sorry.

00:29:37.820 We got, we got liberated from.

00:29:42.720 My voice.

00:29:44.240 Yeah.

00:29:44.420 The voice.

00:29:45.520 And then what happened?

00:29:46.740 And after that, you don't have a cancel culture.

00:29:48.480 Is that what you're saying?

00:29:48.760 In 1992, so our, so everything's so fresh.

00:29:52.320 We're not there yet where we're canceling or thinking about trans people or.

00:29:56.640 Really?

00:29:57.400 You don't have trans flags everywhere?

00:29:59.220 No, we're not there yet.

00:30:00.520 We're literally hitting women still.

00:30:02.160 Like, we're, we're working on it.

00:30:05.500 Like.

00:30:06.100 You're trying to get to that point.

00:30:07.500 Yeah, we have three trans people.

00:30:08.560 Right now you're hitting women.

00:30:09.960 Yeah.

00:30:10.240 And then you're trying to get to the point where you're hitting trans people.

00:30:13.720 Trans women.

00:30:14.380 Yeah, we're not even worried about them yet.

00:30:15.860 You're not even worried.

00:30:16.220 The regular women are getting hit right now.

00:30:18.800 So.

00:30:20.320 So.

00:30:21.180 It's a journey.

00:30:22.160 But there's no, like, there's no hatred involved in, in racism or nothing in Estonia,

00:30:26.580 you know?

00:30:26.840 So that's why Estonians are always like, why can't I say the N-word?

00:30:29.660 It's funny.

00:30:30.500 Every, every, if you're a black guy, you go to Estonia, within three days, you'll end

00:30:36.280 up with a discussion in a sauna with a guy, with an old Estonian guy trying to tell you

00:30:41.140 why he can't call you the N-word to your face.

00:30:43.320 It doesn't sound that appealing if I were a black guy.

00:30:47.700 I end up.

00:30:48.060 But there's no hatred.

00:30:48.900 He's literally.

00:30:49.960 It's no hatred.

00:30:50.840 You're naked.

00:30:51.380 He's asking you why he can't call you the N-word and pinching your ass.

00:30:55.040 Yeah, it's, well, it's just a difference of culture, isn't it?

00:30:58.120 If you're not aware of something.

00:30:59.880 Yeah.

00:31:00.400 That's it.

00:31:01.040 It's kind of, because people see Estonians as white, they go, oh, you're influenced by

00:31:06.660 Western Europe.

00:31:07.880 When the reality is you're more influenced by the East than you are the West.

00:31:11.700 Eastern Europe, Russia, et cetera.

00:31:14.840 So you have different, you just see the world in a different way.

00:31:18.200 Yeah.

00:31:19.360 Yeah, that's true.

00:31:20.100 I would say my generation, yeah, because when the, when the collapsed.

00:31:29.300 Thank you for not breaking our lights that second time.

00:31:32.320 Yeah.

00:31:32.940 When the Soviet Union collapsed.

00:31:34.280 When it collapsed, you know, there's a huge generational difference, too.

00:31:38.640 It's like, like you said, that the generation before me, super influenced by the East, by

00:31:43.920 the Russian media, Martian cartoons.

00:31:47.900 And then all of a sudden, when it all came down, I'm fully, like my generation is South

00:31:53.120 Park, Chappelle's show, all that shit.

00:31:55.500 So there's a huge contrast, you know?

00:31:57.380 Yeah.

00:31:57.480 Like my generation obviously knows cultural impacts of fucking trans people, inward, LGBT

00:32:03.540 movements, all that, because we're so Western.

00:32:06.360 But then there's the previous generation that has no, no idea of that at all.

00:32:11.220 So it is interesting.

00:32:12.600 See, that's why Estonian standup is also thriving.

00:32:16.120 I think, because there's all this maybe generational difference and tension that is funny, you know,

00:32:22.400 to highlight.

00:32:23.340 Yeah.

00:32:23.840 And to have a perspective on.

00:32:25.560 That's why I think the art form really, really thrives in Eastern Europe right now.

00:32:31.760 Just because there is, there is that tension that is, that needs release, you know?

00:32:36.740 So with you being aware of American culture, what have been the biggest surprises to you?

00:32:40.900 Or what's so different about being here as opposed to where you come from?

00:32:44.240 Well, I kind of, I mean, I kind of knew how to expect the, I knew what to expect from,

00:32:51.120 yeah, just growing up around the, around the multimedia of America.

00:32:56.180 But yeah, I would say the pedestrian thing, right?

00:32:59.180 Oh, and politics too.

00:33:01.600 It is crazy how political, like an average American guy is, you know?

00:33:08.520 I don't know what it is.

00:33:09.580 Maybe it's my European-ness or something, but it's not like, of course we care about

00:33:15.280 the war and all that.

00:33:16.520 That's a huge thing in our media right now.

00:33:18.900 But I would say in our personal life, like we don't really, like, you know, they put a

00:33:24.620 sign out, like who you're voting for.

00:33:26.480 Yeah.

00:33:26.800 That's fucking, that's a lot, isn't it?

00:33:29.540 Yeah.

00:33:30.460 No, I agree.

00:33:31.280 That's a lot, huh?

00:33:32.060 Yeah.

00:33:32.540 Like, it's your poem.

00:33:33.680 Why would you create this, like, a fucking statement?

00:33:37.300 Like, like, how does that affect your life that much?

00:33:40.720 You know what I'm saying?

00:33:41.520 Like, your personal life.

00:33:43.620 You know, so they are very political.

00:33:45.200 And I've been in green rooms where things get a bit, you know?

00:33:49.160 You're like, Jesus.

00:33:51.040 Things get heated.

00:33:52.020 Yeah.

00:33:52.400 Things get heated, yeah.

00:33:54.580 Because people are arguing about politics.

00:33:56.240 Yeah.

00:33:56.640 People get super into it.

00:33:57.960 I don't know what, are British people like that?

00:34:01.800 I don't know.

00:34:02.660 We're becoming like that.

00:34:03.980 Yeah.

00:34:04.120 Yeah, but we still don't put the signs in our, you know, front garden.

00:34:08.080 What's the thing in Britain right now?

00:34:09.380 I mean, Brexit is over.

00:34:10.560 You guys already fucked that up.

00:34:12.140 Yeah.

00:34:12.940 What's now?

00:34:13.680 What's that?

00:34:14.240 Oh.

00:34:14.780 It's immigration, right?

00:34:15.960 Yeah.

00:34:16.320 Yeah, that's big.

00:34:17.060 Yeah, we don't want any more of you.

00:34:19.120 No, I think I'm the problem.

00:34:23.460 I'm my love.

00:34:27.960 I think there is a different thing.

00:34:35.240 I think this guy's the problem, you know?

00:34:37.300 Cutie, patootie.

00:34:38.540 He's pointing at a blonde employee.

00:34:40.640 Yeah.

00:34:41.380 Come on.

00:34:48.740 Yeah, immigration.

00:34:49.880 Also, we're locking up people for, should they say, online.

00:34:52.740 Yeah.

00:34:53.180 Oh, yeah.

00:34:53.600 That's another thing.

00:34:54.520 That's like the Commonwealth thing.

00:34:56.900 That's like Canada, the UK, and Australia.

00:34:59.860 Yeah.

00:35:00.120 That's the political thing.

00:35:00.620 Yeah, we love that shit.

00:35:01.520 Yeah, we love it, man.

00:35:02.440 We love it.

00:35:02.960 If you say something...

00:35:04.080 Hey, what's up with that?

00:35:05.560 It's a good question.

00:35:06.640 I don't think we're cool.

00:35:08.780 So do we.

00:35:09.840 No.

00:35:10.660 It's because we've gone more and more down this, like, we want to be looked after by the government.

00:35:17.100 Protected.

00:35:17.600 We want safety.

00:35:18.660 Well, we don't, but most people do.

00:35:20.540 And if you want safety, you're going to want safety from everything, which includes words and jokes and whatever else.

00:35:28.020 But actually, it's kind of weak.

00:35:31.360 For sure, yeah.

00:35:33.040 So what's the common consensus?

00:35:36.080 There is no common consensus.

00:35:37.580 Ah, that's that.

00:35:38.400 Like here.

00:35:39.900 I mean, like, you go around, one house is Trump signed, another house is Harris signed.

00:35:45.160 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:35:46.040 It's very split.

00:35:46.840 Very split down the middle.

00:35:47.840 Very divided.

00:35:48.740 Yeah.

00:35:49.120 Very divided.

00:35:49.720 Do you find that here as well?

00:35:51.200 It's very divided?

00:35:53.980 Yeah, it depends on who I'm talking to, I would say.

00:35:56.620 But what do you guys, do you guys think it's like, it's like, you know, they always say that division is what they're, what the lizards are trying to make it happen.

00:36:07.920 Do you think that's true that someone's trying to make us divided or it's just a natural thing that's, that's happening?

00:36:17.040 Lizards.

00:36:17.720 The lizards.

00:36:18.380 He's talking about the Illuminati, the people who are in charge.

00:36:21.100 Do you think it's something like that?

00:36:22.140 Why are you even doing the lizard posts?

00:36:23.680 Because a lot of, because a lot of Americans do think they're like.

00:36:30.560 But Americans, have you noticed this?

00:36:32.420 Americans fucking love conspiracy theories.

00:36:35.240 Great point.

00:36:36.140 That's also crazy how, like, I'll riff with somebody thinking it's all funny, Google.

00:36:41.080 Yeah.

00:36:41.440 And then they're like, oh, look at the cloud and 9-11, there's a face.

00:36:44.420 And you're like, oh, shit.

00:36:45.620 Yeah.

00:36:46.280 Yeah.

00:36:46.860 Americans love, I have a theory about this.

00:36:49.280 So America, if you think about America, it's first of all, all the people who came here,

00:36:53.680 were kind of, you know, out there.

00:36:56.060 They were not in the middle of the, they were pretty out.

00:36:58.020 By the way, you have a dead face and you have a very British face.

00:37:00.360 I have a Russian face.

00:37:01.040 Yeah, very Russian.

00:37:01.860 It's crazy.

00:37:02.460 You literally look like.

00:37:03.760 Like I'm Russian.

00:37:04.520 Something's wrong.

00:37:09.240 He's like a, like a Benny Hill.

00:37:11.780 We're all having a good time.

00:37:13.120 And you're just telling me.

00:37:15.420 Okay, keep going.

00:37:16.320 Sorry.

00:37:17.120 With your dead face.

00:37:18.140 You interrupted my great theory.

00:37:19.660 No, you have a great theory.

00:37:20.500 I'm disappointed.

00:37:21.140 No, look, seriously.

00:37:22.540 Americans, the first of all, all the people who came here were a little bit crazy.

00:37:26.700 Yeah.

00:37:27.240 And in a good way and in a bad way.

00:37:29.140 The good way in which they were crazy is they were like, anything's possible.

00:37:32.240 We go to this new place.

00:37:33.340 We start our own thing.

00:37:34.400 Blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:37:34.840 So, if you think anything's possible, then you think anything's possible.

00:37:40.560 Huh.

00:37:41.300 You see what I'm saying?

00:37:42.220 Yeah.

00:37:43.160 But you have noticed this as well.

00:37:44.860 Americans fucking love conspiracy.

00:37:46.260 Love conspiracy theories.

00:37:47.360 And they really like, they don't just, they're not like, hey, that would be interesting if that happened.

00:37:50.900 They're like, this happened.

00:37:52.100 And it happened.

00:37:53.900 And like, then my favorite is when two conspiracy theorists meet.

00:37:58.720 They never agree.

00:37:59.640 Conspiracy theorists never agree.

00:38:01.060 They always, like one guy's like, oh, like Putin.

00:38:04.840 The fact that the US fucking election, Ukraine is in real.

00:38:08.680 And then the other guy's like, well, Ukraine has never been real.

00:38:11.140 And you're like, oh my God.

00:38:12.960 You know, it's like, there's a lot of, yeah, theories.

00:38:16.120 And everything has a, like a crazy theory.

00:38:18.780 Yes.

00:38:19.260 Yeah.

00:38:19.580 Yeah.

00:38:19.780 Nothing rational.

00:38:20.780 It has to be either lizards, aliens, or nothing else.

00:38:25.600 No, no.

00:38:26.260 You've missed out the third one.

00:38:27.580 Black people?

00:38:28.380 No.

00:38:34.840 The Jews.

00:38:40.600 Oh.

00:38:41.140 They love the fucking Jews.

00:38:42.760 Love the Jews.

00:38:44.080 Love the Jews.

00:38:45.740 How do British people feel about the Jews?

00:38:47.180 I've never thought about the Jews until I came here.

00:38:49.280 I literally never even.

00:38:51.440 We don't have Jews.

00:38:53.700 Yeah.

00:38:54.080 The Germans took care of that.

00:38:55.460 Yeah.

00:38:55.900 There's 70 of them.

00:38:56.680 By the way, we took care of them before they got there.

00:38:58.500 That's true.

00:38:58.900 You were kind of.

00:39:00.100 We didn't want to start off on the wrong foot.

00:39:01.600 Yeah.

00:39:02.100 Yeah.

00:39:02.680 I mean.

00:39:03.380 Yeah, we were.

00:39:03.860 The Baltic people, they were kind of, you know.

00:39:06.680 A lot of people go like, oh yeah, you were pro-Nazi.

00:39:08.980 We didn't really have a choice.

00:39:10.600 You have a tank.

00:39:11.680 Yeah.

00:39:12.900 It's not a very good excuse.

00:39:14.540 It is.

00:39:15.400 You have a tank.

00:39:17.300 I'll do what I need.

00:39:20.240 You have a tank.

00:39:21.760 Yeah, but you just said to yourself, you handled it before.

00:39:25.760 Yeah, because you were coming.

00:39:27.180 What do you mean you?

00:39:28.020 With a tank.

00:39:28.520 You're not fucking German.

00:39:30.280 So you were like, the Germans are coming.

00:39:32.640 Yeah.

00:39:33.020 Let's take care of the Jews.

00:39:34.400 Yeah.

00:39:35.140 Yeah.

00:39:35.580 And nothing really changed when the Germans came.

00:39:37.520 I mean.

00:39:37.940 I mean, it did for the Jews, sorry.

00:39:40.240 Fashion got better.

00:39:42.000 Yeah.

00:39:42.700 Then they hated books.

00:39:43.640 We didn't know how to read, so.

00:39:49.680 Does he know he's on the internet?

00:39:52.120 I don't think he gives a fuck, mate.

00:39:54.840 Well.

00:39:55.900 Also, look at my cute face.

00:39:57.100 I'm going to laugh when I do this.

00:39:58.520 One of the things we've always admired about you, the trigonometry audience, is your intellectual

00:40:09.600 curiosity.

00:40:10.780 You don't just want opinions that confirm what you already think.

00:40:14.340 You want to understand the why behind events, policies, and decisions from all angles.

00:40:19.880 That's why we're recommending the NPR Politics Podcast.

00:40:24.680 They break down the big stories from Washington, policy shifts, executive orders, immigration,

00:40:31.600 trade, and they do it in sharp, digestible episodes, usually 15 minutes or less.

00:40:37.440 The hosts are smart, calm, and focused on clarity, just like me.

00:40:41.700 Whether you agree with them or not, they'll give you a lens into how a lot of the country

00:40:46.220 sees these issues.

00:40:47.320 And in today's world, that kind of perspective is invaluable.

00:40:52.240 So, broaden the scope of your political diet.

00:40:55.940 Listen now to the NPR Politics Podcast.

00:40:59.360 Only from NPR, wherever you get your podcasts.

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00:41:34.260 German engineered for all.

00:41:40.480 How do we get here?

00:41:41.480 Oh, Jews.

00:41:42.420 We're talking about lizards.

00:41:43.660 You were asking whether we think that the pedo lizards are dividing.

00:41:46.700 Like the division.

00:41:47.720 Yeah.

00:41:47.960 Do you think it's like a...

00:41:48.700 It's just human nature, man.

00:41:49.980 Yeah, right?

00:41:50.560 Humans are tribal.

00:41:51.760 Yeah.

00:41:51.920 Red team, blue team, you know, fascist.

00:41:54.580 See, that's why it's the...

00:41:57.740 You know, I am, of course, super, I would say, emotionally kind of, not super, but kind

00:42:03.980 of involved in the Russia-Ukraine conflict.

00:42:06.900 But it is kind of a bummer that meanwhile, this conflict's happening.

00:42:11.200 You know, there's like news all the time, like Syria, another 100,000.

00:42:15.800 Just like, you know, there's always like that.

00:42:18.300 But it's only because we're tribal.

00:42:21.580 And if I look at, if you look at Russian-Ukrainian news, you know, the houses that they're blowing

00:42:26.280 up, you look at the kitchen, the fucking, the furniture they have, it's so similar.

00:42:30.820 It's literally the same thing that I grew up with.

00:42:32.800 Yeah, yeah.

00:42:33.240 So there's that empathy, because it's like, oh, it's like I'm being attacked.

00:42:37.180 Then you watch them put us from Syria, it's like a hut near a desert, you're like, why

00:42:42.940 the fuck?

00:42:44.380 You know, so it is that sadness.

00:42:45.980 Yeah, we are very tribal, huh?

00:42:47.460 It's kind of a bummer.

00:42:48.980 Because isn't there like genocide happening in Congo, Somalia and Syria and whatever?

00:42:55.540 But we're just white people being like, you're not on Facebook.

00:42:59.440 But if you're on TikTok, like, that is the craziest thing that Russia and Ukraine, I think

00:43:06.340 it's the first conflict that I've seen on TikTok.

00:43:09.360 Yeah.

00:43:09.500 There's like soldiers like, like and subscribe.

00:43:11.780 Boom.

00:43:13.600 Literally, there's like, you can subscribe to Ukrainian soldiers where there's fucking...

00:43:17.820 Really?

00:43:18.380 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:19.120 I follow a few.

00:43:20.020 You follow a few Ukrainians?

00:43:20.980 There's like footage in the trenches.

00:43:22.460 They put those cameras.

00:43:23.140 Have you seen those trenches?

00:43:24.300 Yeah.

00:43:24.520 And it's some old Russian bastard.

00:43:26.160 You know who they're sending to the front line.

00:43:28.300 It ain't the fucking...

00:43:29.200 Yeah.

00:43:29.940 Have you seen those people?

00:43:31.120 It's all like old guys with a fucking...

00:43:33.520 One of them old action rifles from the museum.

00:43:36.280 And he's in a trench.

00:43:37.820 Vladimir Putin.

00:43:40.540 And he just gets shot by this Ukrainian guy with an M4.

00:43:44.040 And he's like, like and subscribe.

00:43:46.480 It's crazy, huh?

00:43:48.080 Yeah, I mean, it is.

00:43:48.960 And I think the other thing as well, a lot of people have talked about this, is algorithms.

00:43:53.020 You know, we all get stuff fed to us.

00:43:55.600 Uh-huh.

00:43:55.960 You're going to get fed pro-Ukraine stuff because that's the stuff that you engage with.

00:44:00.600 Exactly.

00:44:01.100 You know, whereas some people like in Austin, they'd get fed pro-Russia stuff.

00:44:05.640 Yeah.

00:44:06.260 Isn't it crazy that every opinion you have right now, you can get 100% validation as soon as you want it.

00:44:13.920 Exactly.

00:44:14.680 Everything you think is 100% correct.

00:44:17.840 Yes.

00:44:18.360 And there's facts and articles and anything you want.

00:44:21.160 Anything you want.

00:44:21.920 Yeah.

00:44:22.320 Yeah.

00:44:23.120 I have a lizard's penis.

00:44:24.900 Internet will be like, you've always had a lizard's penis, you fuck.

00:44:28.560 And you're like, okay.

00:44:30.960 Back to the lizards already.

00:44:32.220 Yeah.

00:44:32.660 You like lizards.

00:44:33.900 I don't know about that.

00:44:34.660 Do you think they're in charge?

00:44:36.640 Have you spent enough time in Austin now that you...

00:44:39.040 Do you believe in conspiracy?

00:44:40.480 No.

00:44:41.160 No.

00:44:41.780 I don't get it at all.

00:44:43.060 Me neither.

00:44:43.420 Like, at all.

00:44:46.240 I mean, but there are conspiracies that are true, of course, like, governmentally.

00:44:50.320 Yeah.

00:44:50.820 Do you guys know, like, what Molotov Rip and Drop was?

00:44:53.320 Yes.

00:44:53.680 Yeah, yeah.

00:44:54.220 Remember that?

00:44:54.980 That was like a proven conspiracy.

00:44:56.720 That's like a 70-year conspiracy that's proven, later came out.

00:45:01.400 That's like an interesting one.

00:45:03.040 But yeah, if you're like high world society or whatever, the fuck.

00:45:08.360 Why do you think it's weird?

00:45:09.700 Because that's interesting.

00:45:11.800 Why do you think it's strange that they believe in this?

00:45:15.500 Like Americans?

00:45:16.320 Yeah, Americans.

00:45:17.320 Yeah, yeah.

00:45:17.840 Americans, yeah.

00:45:19.280 Why?

00:45:20.380 A cup of tea.

00:45:23.080 I love British accents.

00:45:26.020 What do you mean?

00:45:27.240 Why do you think they believe in it?

00:45:31.220 Fuck.

00:45:31.920 Maybe.

00:45:33.940 Maybe it's like the...

00:45:37.360 Well, life has been pretty comfortable here, especially in America.

00:45:41.020 So I think you start wondering bigger picture things when you have time to wonder bigger picture

00:45:46.560 things, you know?

00:45:47.420 Like, what's the...

00:45:48.240 And I think Americans also have maybe an egotistical approach to, like, I kind of know

00:45:55.260 what's up.

00:45:56.280 Yeah.

00:45:56.460 Like, I got it all figured out, you know?

00:46:00.100 Which is hilarious.

00:46:01.080 That's what makes them so fucking funny.

00:46:03.360 You ever watch Kurt Metzger?

00:46:04.680 Oh, yeah.

00:46:04.980 My favorite guy to talk to.

00:46:06.080 Yeah.

00:46:06.320 I ask Kurt...

00:46:07.160 I get...

00:46:07.640 I don't use Google.

00:46:08.440 I use Kurt.

00:46:09.400 I mean...

00:46:10.320 I ask...

00:46:10.760 You can ask Kurt anything and you'll have a fully, 100% convinced answer from him.

00:46:16.800 I love Kurt and I think he's...

00:46:20.180 One of the funniest guys ever.

00:46:21.500 I think he's one of the...

00:46:22.280 He's a brilliant comedian bordering on genius.

00:46:25.220 Yeah.

00:46:25.760 I don't always think Kurt's opinions are correct, though, Ari.

00:46:28.600 Yeah, but that's funny.

00:46:30.420 Isn't that funny?

00:46:31.940 Like, I love watching him on stage just being like, oh, you don't know that?

00:46:35.460 You don't know that?

00:46:36.160 You know?

00:46:36.580 And you're like...

00:46:37.500 Only America can create that sort of thing, I think.

00:46:40.760 Yeah.

00:46:40.980 I think that's fucking hilarious.

00:46:44.160 Like, I love...

00:46:44.840 I love everyone who is really convinced in something that they believe in.

00:46:49.980 I want that.

00:46:51.160 You want that?

00:46:51.860 Yeah.

00:46:52.120 Give it to me.

00:46:52.900 Why are you not like that?

00:46:55.040 Because I don't know shit, dude.

00:46:58.700 I don't know shit.

00:46:59.940 But if I meet you in a cafe or, like, if I'm in a cafe, I'm writing by myself and then

00:47:04.280 over here, you're saying openly that you're a Nazi, I want you on my stage as soon as possible.

00:47:08.780 Because I want to hear more.

00:47:10.260 You know?

00:47:11.880 It's interesting.

00:47:13.560 Don't you think?

00:47:15.780 Why are you pointing at me?

00:47:17.260 Mr. Dead Face Russian.

00:47:20.800 It's so different.

00:47:22.160 Smiles and giggles.

00:47:23.880 Zdarova.

00:47:25.400 Hello.

00:47:26.340 Hello.

00:47:28.440 So, we're talking about what you love in comedy.

00:47:31.200 Who are your comedy influences, Ari?

00:47:32.840 Everyone black.

00:47:34.180 Okay.

00:47:34.740 I love black people.

00:47:36.580 You've made a very clear.

00:47:38.060 I love black people.

00:47:39.520 They're so funny, guys.

00:47:40.500 And, like, act-outs.

00:47:44.040 And charisma.

00:47:45.380 So, like, who?

00:47:46.140 Chris Rock?

00:47:46.780 Dave Chappelle?

00:47:46.960 Eddie Murphy as a kid.

00:47:48.140 Yeah.

00:47:48.480 Eddie Murphy.

00:47:49.200 Dave Chappelle.

00:47:50.320 Chris Rock.

00:47:51.320 From the white guys?

00:47:52.520 Louis C.K.

00:47:53.100 Bill Burr.

00:47:53.700 Bill Burr.

00:47:55.740 Fucking.

00:47:59.560 I can't think of anything else right now.

00:48:01.200 Just black guys, really.

00:48:02.220 You threw in those two white guys just to not look racist.

00:48:05.480 Yeah.

00:48:05.780 Just not to look racist.

00:48:06.680 Yeah.

00:48:06.840 There is something to be said, actually.

00:48:09.340 Like, you...

00:48:10.720 About black guys.

00:48:12.020 Yeah, about black guys.

00:48:12.760 Go along.

00:48:13.200 I love black people.

00:48:14.240 I love black people.

00:48:14.580 I'm just going to slide out.

00:48:15.740 What are you talking about?

00:48:16.760 If anyone's going to get in the flack, it's going to be in.

00:48:18.560 Well, yeah.

00:48:19.020 You ever fuck a black girl?

00:48:19.560 He did several Nazi salutes.

00:48:22.040 Yeah.

00:48:22.480 What did you just ask?

00:48:23.360 You guys ever fuck a black girl?

00:48:26.460 I wouldn't put it in quite those coarse terms, Ari, but yes.

00:48:29.840 I have...

00:48:31.080 Like British black?

00:48:32.180 Or...

00:48:32.500 American black.

00:48:33.200 American black.

00:48:33.620 Holy shit.

00:48:35.640 You guys?

00:48:37.180 Me neither.

00:48:39.020 Why do you want to love?

00:48:39.880 I want a black girl.

00:48:41.440 I can see why you can't get one, mate.

00:48:46.420 Why?

00:48:47.100 I don't know.

00:48:48.000 I'd love it, I think.

00:48:49.560 So you can pinch her ass as well.

00:48:51.860 No, they're so bossy.

00:48:53.060 Yeah, bossy.

00:48:53.660 I want, like, a black girl just to treat me like shit.

00:48:59.300 Why?

00:48:59.760 Shut the fuck up with your faggy ass.

00:49:01.600 You know, I want that shit.

00:49:03.360 I want you to call me a faggot while we're having sex.

00:49:07.120 With your faggy ass.

00:49:08.280 I'm sure there's quite a lot of people who happily do that.

00:49:10.860 Shit.

00:49:11.900 You know, you were telling me the other day that you find it difficult to get dates.

00:49:16.120 I know.

00:49:17.120 When we were in agreement.

00:49:17.980 A what?

00:49:18.280 You found it.

00:49:19.300 You told me you were finding it difficult to get dates in Austin.

00:49:22.140 Oh, dates.

00:49:22.860 Yeah, dates.

00:49:23.280 Dags.

00:49:23.800 I was like, am I in fucking...

00:49:25.480 What's the movie, Snatch?

00:49:26.360 Dates.

00:49:26.860 But now that I know, you've just got your thing.

00:49:32.000 I do have my thing.

00:49:33.020 Yeah.

00:49:33.920 Latinos, too.

00:49:34.940 Oh, Texas has amazing Latinos.

00:49:37.000 Francis loves Latinos.

00:49:38.340 Yeah.

00:49:38.980 His mom is Latina, so...

00:49:40.620 Really?

00:49:41.400 Yes.

00:49:43.080 Are you...

00:49:44.100 Are you...

00:49:44.960 Are you...

00:49:45.520 She's like 80 years old, you fucking...

00:49:50.020 I don't even know what the right word is.

00:49:51.760 Mom?

00:49:52.900 Yeah, my mom's about 78, 79.

00:49:55.160 Latino years, though.

00:49:58.860 Still banging.

00:49:59.460 Still hot.

00:50:00.020 Still fucking...

00:50:01.020 Oh, you're so dear.

00:50:09.020 That's a dog, huh?

00:50:10.460 Kind of like a Latino sweet ass.

00:50:12.440 Yeah, he got a Latina woman in 19...

00:50:16.380 That's crazy.

00:50:17.780 Your dad must have been the coolest guy on the block, huh?

00:50:21.200 I think she just wanted a British passport, Ari.

00:50:24.720 You got to do what you got to do.

00:50:26.480 You know?

00:50:26.960 Damn.

00:50:27.900 My dad was from a place called Wigan.

00:50:29.940 You know Wigan?

00:50:31.100 I don't think you can say that.

00:50:32.920 Change off the letters a little bit, huh?

00:50:35.340 But yeah, so no, no.

00:50:37.140 Yeah, my mom...

00:50:38.100 Yeah, my dad dated my mom in the 70s.

00:50:40.780 Wow.

00:50:41.640 That must have been great.

00:50:42.380 Where's she from?

00:50:43.400 Venezuela.

00:50:44.180 Oh!

00:50:49.320 Wow.

00:50:49.980 So you're looking for a black or Latina girl...

00:50:53.660 They're so hard.

00:50:53.900 They're so pretty.

00:50:54.480 ...to dominate you.

00:50:55.380 Yeah.

00:50:56.080 To treat me like shit.

00:51:01.400 This is not usually what this podcast is like.

00:51:03.380 No.

00:51:03.640 No, Ari, it's not.

00:51:04.460 I bet it's like super political.

00:51:06.160 Yeah, yeah.

00:51:07.100 Yeah.

00:51:07.300 And super like a lot of science and shit, huh?

00:51:09.780 Not so much science.

00:51:10.580 The dinosaurs.

00:51:10.780 Well, don't talk so much about the dinosaurs.

00:51:14.560 Yeah.

00:51:14.800 I mean, we got probably the world's most famous evolutionary biologists on to talk about dinosaurs

00:51:20.000 a bit.

00:51:20.600 Oh, yeah?

00:51:21.220 Yeah.

00:51:21.400 Neil deGrasse Tyson or who is it?

00:51:22.920 I don't know.

00:51:23.140 I mean, we've had Neil deGrasse Tyson.

00:51:24.540 Really?

00:51:24.840 Yeah, I destroyed him.

00:51:25.900 I'm probably the dumbest guy that's been on it.

00:51:27.360 You are.

00:51:28.080 Yeah.

00:51:29.960 Undoubtedly.

00:51:30.700 Undoubtedly.

00:51:31.380 Yeah.

00:51:32.720 Neil deGrasse Tyson had an argument with us about trans women.

00:51:36.460 Oh.

00:51:37.580 Is he like...

00:51:38.480 He's like...

00:51:39.520 He doesn't like it.

00:51:40.360 He does like it.

00:51:41.260 He loves it.

00:51:41.660 He loves a bit of trans.

00:51:43.360 He's fully retarded when it comes to the issue.

00:51:45.220 He's super smart about everything else.

00:51:46.980 Completely retarded about trans.

00:51:48.500 Really?

00:51:48.980 Yeah, there's like a clip on our channel of us arguing with him for like 10 years.

00:51:52.100 And you don't like trans?

00:51:53.820 It's not that we don't like trans, but we don't think you can just like...

00:51:57.820 I'm a woman now.

00:51:58.740 Uh-huh.

00:51:59.700 Would you date a trans woman, Ari?

00:52:01.120 Yeah.

00:52:01.480 Fuck, dude.

00:52:02.360 It's pussy.

00:52:02.980 It's pussy.

00:52:03.660 Well...

00:52:04.180 I mean, this is where the argument is.

00:52:05.860 That's what the argument's about.

00:52:07.220 Let's be honest.

00:52:07.520 Hey, when trans...

00:52:08.840 Stop looking at him.

00:52:10.200 When are you...

00:52:12.100 Oh.

00:52:12.980 Go on.

00:52:13.580 Go on.

00:52:13.840 No, go on.

00:52:14.480 Go on.

00:52:15.080 Don't do that.

00:52:15.620 You consulted everyone else.

00:52:16.920 We were talking with comedians.

00:52:18.140 When you eat trans pussy, does it taste like dick?

00:52:23.100 I honestly don't have to answer that question, Ari.

00:52:26.040 Have you been to Thailand?

00:52:28.060 British people love Thailand.

00:52:29.620 They do.

00:52:30.800 No, I've never been to Thailand.

00:52:32.420 Me neither.

00:52:33.420 You've been to Thailand several times.

00:52:34.580 And?

00:52:35.360 Do you have fun?

00:52:36.340 I have a lot of fun.

00:52:37.920 Okay.

00:52:39.120 They are beautiful.

00:52:40.640 Who?

00:52:42.020 Everybody.

00:52:45.920 See, I think like...

00:52:47.380 American trans, it's a rough transition.

00:52:52.020 Look at Caitlyn General.

00:52:53.240 He's a millionaire.

00:52:55.680 Yeah.

00:52:56.840 So much money.

00:52:59.800 So much money and still pretty...

00:53:03.840 Yeah.

00:53:05.340 But a Thai guy to a Thai lady, the transition is literally like...

00:53:09.840 They're so smooth.

00:53:14.480 Have you felt their skin?

00:53:16.480 No.

00:53:16.860 We haven't been there.

00:53:17.600 Tell us about their skin, Ari.

00:53:18.640 It's amazing.

00:53:19.240 Yeah, I didn't do nothing because I'm a pussy.

00:53:21.020 I'm just too fucking in my old-fashioned Eastern European ways.

00:53:24.400 I don't know.

00:53:24.780 Some of your boys...

00:53:26.040 I've seen the way.

00:53:27.180 Yeah.

00:53:27.520 Yeah, I used to have a friend who went there.

00:53:29.920 And he just started doing cocaine and disappeared into Bangkok for like 72 hours.

00:53:34.680 He came back.

00:53:35.200 He was weird for a year.

00:53:38.580 Yeah.

00:53:39.120 He saw a lot in those...

00:53:40.500 He was weird for like a year.

00:53:42.060 And we're like, what's the deal?

00:53:42.920 And then he was like, yeah.

00:53:43.900 He's like...

00:53:44.580 And then he had to go to therapy and shit.

00:53:49.240 That kind of means you're gay, huh?

00:53:51.000 If you have problems with banging your dude.

00:53:52.840 Like if you're later like, oh my God, what happened?

00:53:55.340 Wait, if you banged the dude...

00:53:56.840 And felt nothing, you're straight.

00:54:01.600 If you banged the dude...

00:54:03.840 And felt nothing.

00:54:05.160 He looks like a lady.

00:54:06.680 That's how straight I am.

00:54:08.140 Like if you put a wig on, I can fuck you and believe the fantasy.

00:54:11.400 I assure you that is never going to happen.

00:54:12.960 That's how straight I am to Russian guys.

00:54:16.160 White people, white people.

00:54:17.520 Hey, when you do it.

00:54:20.700 Like me and him could film a sketch where we both have wigs on and we make out.

00:54:23.660 And we're like, it's the art.

00:54:24.960 Yeah, it's the art.

00:54:25.720 You commit to the part.

00:54:27.000 Yeah, but you and him probably have sex as well.

00:54:28.860 Yeah, but you commit to the part.

00:54:30.300 Exactly.

00:54:30.760 And how else are you going to get the part unless you have sex with someone?

00:54:32.880 All I was questioning was the idea that if you have sex with a dude and feel nothing...

00:54:36.700 If you go to prison, you're not going to fuck a dude in a wig.

00:54:40.200 I will.

00:54:41.100 Because I'm that straight.

00:54:43.940 The logic of that checks out.

00:54:45.360 Exactly.

00:54:47.260 Believe the fantasy.

00:54:48.080 But British dudes, yeah.

00:54:53.980 I remember there was this one...

00:54:56.260 Because I did comedy in Bangkok for like...

00:54:59.440 After my visa ran in Australia, I live in Bangkok and then toured Southeast Asia.

00:55:04.140 And I met this lady boy who by the...

00:55:06.820 During the day, shaved head.

00:55:09.140 I mean, the nails, the makeup and the skin still smooth.

00:55:12.780 But just shaved head, just like a guy smoking a cigarette on a corner.

00:55:16.440 And then by night, 10 out of 10.

00:55:18.280 And then she would tell me these crazy stories about...

00:55:21.200 That they would always...

00:55:22.320 She would work at the bar.

00:55:23.740 And there's like a group of 12 British lads, the boys, you know, with a Bintang shirt, you

00:55:30.240 know, Bintang, that beer.

00:55:31.440 You know, with the fucking...

00:55:33.080 With the neon colored, you know, the wife beater.

00:55:36.080 Yeah.

00:55:36.380 What do you guys call that?

00:55:37.120 Yeah, it's the wife beater.

00:55:38.080 Yeah.

00:55:38.460 Yeah.

00:55:40.060 They're all laughing.

00:55:41.000 I have a great time.

00:55:41.700 I'm like, oh, look at these lady boys.

00:55:42.960 And then they leave.

00:55:43.820 And there's always one guy who would have like a...

00:55:46.860 You know, like...

00:55:47.860 Hmm.

00:55:48.800 And then he comes back like 4 a.m. alone.

00:55:51.360 Yeah.

00:55:53.200 You'd be that guy.

00:55:54.100 Yeah.

00:55:54.460 You'd be that guy.

00:55:55.240 Yeah.

00:55:55.860 Experimental.

00:55:56.400 Yeah.

00:55:56.820 You've got to try.

00:55:57.280 Open-minded.

00:55:57.680 Exactly.

00:55:58.260 Yeah.

00:55:58.480 It's not like me.

00:55:59.280 Yeah.

00:55:59.620 Yeah.

00:55:59.940 Russian.

00:56:00.520 Yeah.

00:56:01.080 Yeah.

00:56:01.260 Oh, this Ukraine belongs to me.

00:56:04.520 It used to be ours.

00:56:05.960 It needs to be ours again.

00:56:08.420 Ari, I dread asking you this question, but we always end the...

00:56:11.700 interview with the same question.

00:56:13.440 What's the one thing we're not talking about that we should be?

00:56:17.120 Before Ari answers the final question, at the end of the interview, make sure to head

00:56:21.480 over to our substack.

00:56:22.480 The link is in the description where you're going to see this lunacy.

00:56:26.400 I love it.

00:56:27.300 Like, fucking hit me.

00:56:31.980 Okay.

00:56:32.600 Yeah.

00:56:32.840 Well, now the internet knows what you're looking for.

00:56:35.140 That is good.

00:56:36.000 And it will provide.

00:56:37.400 Hit me.

00:56:38.520 Don't worry about it, mummy day.

00:56:44.520 What's the one thing we're not talking about that we should be?

00:56:49.640 Anything serious.

00:56:51.780 Oh, we're not serious.

00:56:52.300 I'm not serious, Ari.

00:56:53.280 You know, at this point, I have to say, I don't think it will be serious.

00:56:56.980 What should I have we discussed?

00:56:58.660 We talked about banging dudes.

00:57:00.520 Yes.

00:57:01.000 We did.

00:57:01.900 Grabbing asses with black people.

00:57:03.480 Yes.

00:57:03.820 We did talk about that.

00:57:04.620 I don't like that.

00:57:05.900 They hate it.

00:57:06.840 It's crazy.

00:57:08.840 So...

00:57:09.320 What do you guys think?

00:57:14.860 What do you guys think?

00:57:15.720 I told you.

00:57:16.380 I didn't think this was the right question to us.

00:57:18.280 I think he's got something.

00:57:21.000 What didn't we talk about?

00:57:22.460 No, no.

00:57:22.980 What's the one thing that we should be talking about?

00:57:25.540 Oh, my God.

00:57:27.420 There you go.

00:57:28.100 There you go.

00:57:28.520 Okay.

00:57:28.800 What do you guys think?

00:57:29.620 Ukraine, Russia.

00:57:31.520 You guys are smart.

00:57:33.140 Whatever you guys think, I'll run from...

00:57:35.600 I'll run with that opinion for the rest of my life.

00:57:40.360 That's what we should be talking about.

00:57:41.480 Yeah.

00:57:41.680 What do you guys...

00:57:42.460 Which side?

00:57:43.380 Who's correct?

00:57:44.580 Ukraine is in the right.

00:57:46.220 Yeah.

00:57:46.600 Right?

00:57:47.100 Right.

00:57:47.300 Yeah, absolutely.

00:57:48.500 It's a difficult conflict because it's...

00:57:50.500 Same alphabet, same language, you know, like...

00:57:52.700 Like, if you were in a ditch...

00:57:53.640 Alphabet is not exactly the same.

00:57:54.960 Not exactly...

00:57:55.500 Yeah, there's some letters there.

00:57:56.640 Yeah, Ukrainians use a few Western letters.

00:57:59.380 Like I.

00:58:00.400 Oh, I don't know.

00:58:01.200 Yeah, instead of the U, right?

00:58:03.360 Like, but it is...

00:58:05.100 If you're in a ditch and you're like a Ukrainian soldier

00:58:07.820 and you're trying to throw a grenade one way or the other

00:58:11.160 and you're trying to base it on who's talking,

00:58:14.380 it's going to be...

00:58:14.880 Yeah, it's kind of hard.

00:58:15.840 Yeah.

00:58:16.040 It's kind of hard.

00:58:16.920 Yeah.

00:58:17.300 See, I think that's why also that's such a fluid thing of opinions maybe

00:58:23.280 is because it's to the, like, American eye.

00:58:26.860 You look at, you know, like...

00:58:27.900 If you had a Ukrainian or a Russian guy over,

00:58:29.620 they're both very loud and they're going to smoke inside.

00:58:31.800 You know what I'm saying?

00:58:32.600 Yeah.

00:58:33.700 They're both going to be pretty loud, you know?

00:58:37.600 But other conflicts like fucking U.S., Afghanistan,

00:58:41.600 it's obviously very easy to pick a side

00:58:43.620 because they're so different.

00:58:45.200 There's such a big cultural collision, you know?

00:58:48.400 Which side are you on on that one?

00:58:50.600 Afghanistan or the U.S.?

00:58:51.800 There's only one true God.

00:58:55.580 I'm alive!

00:58:57.120 I'm alive!

00:59:00.460 Yeah, I think he wants to get killed.

00:59:02.920 I'm alive!

00:59:03.680 Well, I mean, have you been to Dubai?

00:59:10.840 No.

00:59:11.280 No.

00:59:11.740 Yeah.

00:59:13.000 Looks pretty good.

00:59:14.500 Yeah.

00:59:15.300 I know they have all that oil, but who put it there?

00:59:17.940 Inshallah.

00:59:20.220 You think God put the oil there?

00:59:21.460 Inshallah.

00:59:22.600 And that's what God made them rich.

00:59:26.260 Because doesn't Alabama have a lot of oil, too?

00:59:28.680 Have you been to Alabama?

00:59:29.940 No.

00:59:30.360 Doesn't?

00:59:31.260 Yeah, it looks pretty good.

00:59:32.240 Venezuela has five times more oil than Saudi Arabia.

00:59:35.420 Really?

00:59:35.820 Yeah, and they're completely fucked.

00:59:37.540 Oh, but is it so deep?

00:59:39.000 Is that the same?

00:59:39.440 No.

00:59:39.980 No, it's communism.

00:59:42.340 Really?

00:59:42.980 Yeah.

00:59:43.540 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:59:44.840 Venezuela has a lot of oil.

00:59:46.640 Yes.

00:59:47.080 Have you told this to the American government?

00:59:49.880 Oh, they know.

00:59:50.740 They know.

00:59:51.400 The boys.

00:59:52.320 Yeah, they know.

00:59:53.200 That's why China is in Venezuela as we speak.

00:59:55.520 All of a sudden, another tower gets hit by three Venezuelans.

00:59:58.080 You know what I'm saying?

00:59:59.400 All of a sudden.

01:00:01.160 You're never going to get a Venezuelan to believe in that shit.

01:00:03.260 Yeah, they can't be asked to do any work.

01:00:04.780 No.

01:00:05.080 And they like drinking and pussy too much.

01:00:08.100 They're going to be like, what?

01:00:08.860 Well, I'm pussy.

01:00:10.540 That's sweet ass.

01:00:12.680 End this now.

01:00:14.000 That's sweet ass.

01:00:15.860 Do you know what?

01:00:16.860 Dude, your dad must have been that guy.

01:00:19.340 Because everyone's having, like, British sex.

01:00:22.800 Yeah.

01:00:23.300 And this, you know, oh, I.

01:00:24.600 Yeah.

01:00:25.480 Slotted in love.

01:00:26.680 You know?

01:00:27.160 And then your dad's just fucking going to town on that churro.

01:00:32.240 Churro, a.k.a.

01:00:33.400 Do you know his mum watches the show?

01:00:35.980 Yeah.

01:00:39.820 She would be a big fan.

01:00:41.120 Yeah.

01:00:41.980 I think she'd be very confused by you, Ari.

01:00:44.100 My little dick.

01:00:44.420 Yeah.

01:00:45.340 I think a lot of people might be very confused by you.

01:00:48.060 Ari, thank you for coming on the show.

01:00:49.880 Thank you so much.

01:00:50.660 We're going to go to Substack, where our audience get to ask you their questions.

01:00:53.740 Oh, fuck yeah.

01:00:54.720 Yeah.

01:00:54.900 And it's all about black people, so you'll enjoy it.

01:00:57.160 All right.

01:00:57.440 Head on over to Substack.

01:00:58.700 It's going to be.

01:00:59.980 No one knows.

01:01:00.680 I feel like comedy's dying in Europe because of this need, she means Western Europe, to

01:01:07.180 keep everyone safe and to be kind.

01:01:09.180 Why do you think Americans are not so keen on the whole be kind and keep everyone safe

01:01:13.020 culture?

01:01:13.680 Broadway's smash hit, the Neil Diamond musical, A Beautiful Noise, is coming to Toronto.

01:01:35.280 The true story of a kid from Brooklyn destined for something more, featuring all the songs

01:01:40.040 you love, including America, Forever in Blue Jeans, and Sweet Caroline.

01:01:44.800 Like Jersey Boys and Beautiful, the next musical mega hit is here, the Neil Diamond musical, A

01:01:50.660 Beautiful Noise.

01:01:51.680 April 28th through June 7th, 2026, the Princess of Wales Theater.

01:01:56.620 Get tickets at mirvish.com.

01:01:58.440 Company Car.

01:01:59.000 We'll be right back.

01:01:59.100 We'll be right back.

01:01:59.140 We'll be right back.

01:01:59.300 We'll be right back.

01:01:59.340 We'll be right back.

01:02:05.380 Watch the driveway.

01:02:06.320 We'll be right back.

01:02:06.920 We'll be right back.

01:02:07.320 Bye.

01:02:07.940 Bye.

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TRIGGERnometry - May 18, 2025

Comedian Ari Matti Destroys Triggernometry

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