TRIGGERnometry - Laugh in a Time of Corona： Episode 1 ｜ Ria Lina and David Mills

00:00:00.880 So, welcome back to the first ever repeat episode of Life in the Time of Corona.

00:00:09.480 I'm just checking that it's actually working on YouTube.

00:00:12.780 Are you all here? Can you see us?

00:00:15.280 Yeah, absolutely.

00:00:17.100 Yeah, perfect.

00:00:18.000 So, welcome to, as I said, the first repeated episode of Life in the Time of Corona,

00:00:24.820 where we get two of our favorite comics come on the show,

00:00:28.380 talk about what's going on uh so if you've just joined lee donahue welcome daniel kits welcome

00:00:33.420 can you hear us well can you see us well just let us know because we've had some issues with

00:00:37.500 the tech stuff uh tonight i am now really quiet apparently so let me speak up it's working fine

00:00:42.820 for everybody brian welcome uh oliver o'leary welcome says working fine perfect well guys

00:00:49.360 we're gonna actually do this we're gonna do it baby right and uh do you want to introduce a guest

00:00:55.520 kk or shall i yeah why don't i do it since i'm already talking so uh ria lina who not only is

00:01:01.640 a brilliant stand-up comedian a regular host at comedy only she's also a virologist she's an

00:01:07.220 expert in viruses guys are we no one's excited about that no one gives a shit and the brilliant 0.85

00:01:14.860 appropriate because we begin talking about coronavirus a lot oh yeah yeah yeah that thing 0.95

00:01:20.580 that's been happening yeah i've been i've been indoors for the past few days i'm not paying

00:01:24.580 attention to what's going on yeah uh well and the brilliant david mills who's just talked a terrific

00:01:29.880 comedian again a regular comedy unleash so we've got some dark humor on board we're ready to go

00:01:35.180 we're ready to roll francis foster kick it off oh well thank you very much for for tuning in guys

00:01:41.480 to the very very first episode of laugh in the time of corona uh we have had some uh little

00:01:49.260 problems little quirks but we've ironed them out now and we're going to have a brilliant first

00:01:53.620 episode so the first question we're always going to start off every episode is is uh how has your

00:02:00.240 self-isolation been going and we're going to take that to ria well i'm i'm not totally a self

00:02:05.940 isolated because i live with five people two cats and two guinea pigs so there's you know there's a

00:02:11.040 lot going on you can't there's no privacy there's there's you know uh now we have to have a rota

00:02:15.540 for the bathroom we all have to you know we don't always wear clothes but that's fine we're all

00:02:20.640 related so that's not an issue like if you were once inside somebody else in the household then

00:02:27.300 you're allowed to see each other naked that's our rule so you're not allowed to see anyone 0.96

00:02:31.700 naked then presumably based on the only person well i mean i'm the only i've ever yeah but yeah

00:02:37.360 right they all get to see me naked and i mean i am making some assumptions about your sex life

00:02:42.500 i am making some assumptions about your sex life when i say that but yes i am married with three

00:02:47.400 kids what sex life yes okay and you're going over to david uh a man who looks like he uh enjoys a

00:02:56.980 a hearty sex life i don't know why i said that that's weird doesn't listen no i'm happy with

00:03:01.880 that i want people to think that if that's what i'm putting out there that's a good thing

00:03:05.020 i think you're sexy yeah well i i want to draw those people to me who who believe that so uh 0.95

00:03:11.140 but that's the problem about being indoors you know the only person i can have sex with is my 0.62

00:03:14.820 partner and i mean that's that's unusual for me you know what i mean that's uh that's very that's

00:03:21.660 very dark it's a very dark road that idea um no we're surviving we're we're i think i i have this

00:03:28.820 sense that he's he's you know plotting how to kill me uh he's gone very quiet the past few days that's

00:03:34.720 never a good thing so um anyway i'm staying out of his way as much as possible does your food taste

00:03:39.960 funny yeah but he cooks so it's always tasted funny oh yeah so at least it's consistent it's

00:03:46.740 absolutely consistent yeah no we're surviving well that's good let me get into a serious question

00:03:51.900 matthew g in the chat says i'm starting to feel angry with the way china dealt with this in the

00:03:56.560 first six weeks of the outbreak they could have contained the outbreak but tried to cover it up

00:04:00.440 what do you guys make of this whole thing about china covering it up because i mean that ostensibly

00:04:04.620 is what happened the doctor who uh first revealed it um he uh miraculously found himself dead within

00:04:12.300 a couple of weeks um which is seems to be the chinese way of dealing with things what do you

00:04:17.160 guys think about the chinese possibly covering this up i think there's two things to consider

00:04:22.760 there i think that while it was clear there was some kind of media cover-up i don't think that

00:04:27.080 necessarily means that there was a medical uh laziness and trying to get on top of this i think

00:04:33.400 they knew something was happening but what they didn't want was information going out that they

00:04:37.260 weren't in control of while they tried to figure out what was going on so just because there was

00:04:41.400 a media cover-up doesn't necessarily mean that they just did what maybe Boris did which is go

00:04:45.580 oh whatever let's just stay open oh maybe maybe should we should we should we should we should

00:04:50.840 we shut this oh I don't know but the markets so I don't think it's totally for us in the UK to

00:04:56.920 start throwing stones at that glass house given how we've handled the actual medical lockdown

00:05:01.720 versus how the Chinese have handled their media lockdown.

00:05:06.120 I mean, if I could jump in, I would say, you know,

00:05:08.160 the one thing that the Chinese are really good at is mobilizing people, right?

00:05:12.340 They've got a lot of people and they can mobilize them really quickly

00:05:15.360 to build like hospitals in a day and shut down a whole city and all this sort of stuff.

00:05:20.680 So I agree with Ria, like they're not particularly good at managing the message.

00:05:25.920 Of course, they always try and manage the message

00:05:27.540 when they don't understand transparency and the value of transparency

00:05:30.200 and how actually that could have gotten them out ahead of things much more effectively.

00:05:35.220 But that's because they're so scared that the people will rise up

00:05:38.400 because, in fact, it's actually quite a fragile regime without their, you know, authoritarian control.

00:05:44.960 So, yeah, you know, they didn't manage the message well,

00:05:48.660 but they certainly could mobilize the situation so that once it got out,

00:05:52.920 they were able to manage it and get it under control pretty quickly, certainly in comparison to us.

00:05:57.520 well just yeah sorry francis go for it i was gonna say so ria you're actually a virologist

00:06:03.160 so you're an expert in these matters yeah well again but let's be clear there's two there's two

00:06:09.400 areas of expertise right now there's virology but there's epidemiology and those are two different

00:06:13.880 areas of science virology is understanding the science of it it's understanding what a virus

00:06:18.000 is understanding some of the science and the medical and behaviors behind it but epidemiology

00:06:23.240 is the understanding of how it spreads through populations and understanding how society works

00:06:27.180 And and it's the epidemiologists that are the ones that are tracking down every case that we remember at the beginning where they they found the super spreader and then he came over and then they tried to track everyone he'd been in contact with.

00:06:38.400 That's the that's the job of epidemiology. And I think it's important to understand that they are the ones that are going to give us a lot of they are the ones that are doing all of the predictions.

00:06:48.620 They're the ones that are telling us how far ahead behind we are.

00:06:52.180 And it's the virologists that are trying to work on the vaccines

00:06:54.640 and are trying to understand the immune response

00:06:56.620 so that we can better improve our testing.

00:06:59.380 And then it's the doctors and the NHS and the healthcare system

00:07:03.780 that's going to just provide the support we need

00:07:06.480 as and when people are affected by this.

00:07:10.080 The other thing, Frances, just to say,

00:07:12.480 you know, definitely Rhea's a virologist, 0.84

00:07:14.600 but let's not forget, we might not be experts

00:07:18.080 but we're comedians so we can talk about whatever the fuck we want right and make it sound like 0.87

00:07:23.760 we're experts you know we you know that doesn't matter with words yeah we have opinions it doesn't 0.96

00:07:28.600 matter if we're we're experts we have opinions that's the important thing absolutely and we've

00:07:32.460 got access to a facebook account in which we can make our opinions heard to roughly around 37 people

00:07:39.660 yes on a good day well we're making our opinions heard to over 100 people already uh in the five

00:07:45.840 minutes we've been going uh and guys if you're watching uh please hit the like button we're 0.94

00:07:50.320 still getting trolled by those idiots from last week who are downvoting videos just for the sake 0.75

00:07:54.420 of it so if you're enjoying the show please hit the upvote and if you're new here hit the subscribe 0.98

00:07:58.880 button it's good to have you uh on the show so francis you wanted to ask some more questions

00:08:03.640 of our brilliant guests i did so what's the best and worst thing about self-isolation ria go first

00:08:09.880 the best thing is how much i'm saving on laundry detergent because i am pretty much wearing the

00:08:17.520 same outfit for three four days in a row uh i mean changing the important bits you know what

00:08:21.520 i'm saying but you know i don't need to change a sweatshirt more than once if it hasn't even

00:08:25.540 been outside and uh the worst thing is uh well you know how they say you can pick your friends

00:08:32.780 but you can't pick your family i you know one of the you know i i may have made people you know

00:08:40.460 you can make children that look like you but they don't necessarily think like you or uh like you

00:08:45.760 and that's that's what i'm beginning to discover but but in my case i'm mixed race half my kids

00:08:52.860 don't even look like me so that's so yeah but that means they're easier to disown

00:08:57.720 what

00:08:59.800 oh well I've told them all that they're adopted

00:09:03.360 and so they're constantly looking for that

00:09:05.340 extra approval

00:09:06.220 you know that like what do you still

00:09:09.380 want me

00:09:09.880 I mean can't you just have competitions where they compete

00:09:13.540 for mummy's love

00:09:14.460 turn it into make it a little bit of

00:09:16.920 Francis not every household 0.99

00:09:19.180 has to be like yours mate fucking hell 0.99

00:09:21.180 he was an only child 1.00

00:09:23.580 yeah exactly 0.99

00:09:24.560 and I still lost the fucking competition 0.99

00:09:26.960 anyway the terrible thing is with those kids and their teenagers they'd all go listen i'm not going 1.00

00:09:31.340 to compete for that fuck it i don't need it that's the last thing they want is their mother's love 1.00

00:09:35.560 oh this is true i have been shut out of every bedroom in this house in the last four days i've 1.00

00:09:41.540 had every door slammed in my face go away today this morning my daughter slammed the door on me 1.00

00:09:46.820 because i dared to interrupt her while she was doing her homework that's how much times have

00:09:50.780 moved on is that my 15 year old was furious with me for coming in and giving her a kiss

00:09:55.600 while she was working wow you can't break the focus that's the problem and the cats are coping

00:10:02.080 ria the cats are great the cats started fighting with each other but they get to go out on the

00:10:07.800 scaffolding which the rest of us so far haven't but you know what i'm getting to the point where

00:10:12.360 i'm going to go out on the scaffolding myself just for a bit of sunlight because we're surrounded

00:10:16.480 our building's been surrounded by scaffolding since october and then for some reason they all

00:10:21.200 the scaffolders have fucked off and left us in darkness and of course that's going to be the 0.95

00:10:25.180 next three months of our lives so i might be crawling out there for a bit of a bit of sun 0.96

00:10:30.300 all right david what about you mate uh well let's see what is the best thing you know

00:10:35.400 i want to also talk about a little bit like what uh francis was talking about with the the china

00:10:40.880 thing i guess the best thing is my partner who i live with is taiwanese right so we are in a

00:10:46.520 particularly anti-chinese household right because of course there's a huge and here he's pointed

00:10:53.040 something out that was really interesting you know china recently has been saying oh another

00:10:57.180 day with no transmissions no transmissions china's had no transmissions meanwhile taiwan has had

00:11:02.640 transmissions and hong kong have had transmissions so are hong kong and taiwan part of china or not

00:11:08.520 right exactly very good exactly so all the taiwanese are like you're right fine you've had 1.00

00:11:14.500 no transmissions fuck off china you're not part of us we are an independent country so it's a 0.90

00:11:18.980 really interesting moment that's i think that is the best thing he's like super plugged into this 0.99

00:11:22.780 sort of a Taiwanese underground and all that information going on there so um I'm hearing a

00:11:27.940 whole lot of different different news and different stories about the whole Chinese

00:11:33.860 approach to this moment that's a good thing um the bad thing is that I'm hearing a lot from him

00:11:41.700 about everything actually I guess he won't he won't shut up essentially and um so I I yeah

00:11:50.620 it's a lot so the best way time with my partner i'll spend time with him he sounds great can we

00:11:57.140 swap could we swap partners for a bit that's not allowed is it let me see him

00:12:00.540 my husband is ali g's butt double so what that's that sounds interesting i i don't hate that idea 0.95

00:12:11.280 so what you're saying is we have to see his butt in order to evaluate him i'm just saying 0.99

00:12:15.240 you're saying we probably have seen his butt you have many times it's a tv worthy butt so 0.93

00:12:20.220 when ali g first came out at the end of the 90s 99 2000 in his show he started off and you can 0.87

00:12:25.940 google this on on youtube afterwards if you look at some of the early shows the opening credits

00:12:30.720 he's standing naked in a spotlight and then his yellow track suit flies on him and he does some

00:12:35.460 kung fu and then he turns around and rolls a joint with one hand um so all the naked stuff and the

00:12:40.000 kung fu that's my husband yeah but that was 20 years ago he's a kung fu master the man is fine

00:12:46.680 for his 60 years he has silver fox in it he and i next to each other we could have a breakfast tv

00:12:51.520 show yeah and if you're lucky he's gay so if we're all lucky if we're all lucky all right you know i

00:12:59.760 find i find that most men go there in their later years anyway do you take them there are you leading

00:13:04.880 them by the hand no no i find that a lot of straight men go there in their late years anyway

00:13:09.280 I mean, Francis and Constantine,

00:13:10.680 it's something you guys have to look forward to.

00:13:13.060 Oh, absolutely.

00:13:14.140 I mean...

00:13:14.780 Most of our fans think Francis is gay anyway, 0.54

00:13:17.200 so it's fine.

00:13:17.740 Yeah, yeah.

00:13:18.400 Not just your fans. 0.93

00:13:21.020 Even the people who hate you think Francis is gay. 0.97

00:13:23.840 The entire gay community think I'm gay. 0.90

00:13:26.540 Yeah.

00:13:27.200 So what's the thing you miss about your old life, guys?

00:13:29.800 Let's go to David.

00:13:30.860 What's the thing you miss the most about pottery?

00:13:33.220 Life before Corona,

00:13:34.840 not your previous undercover life, guys.

00:13:37.040 Yes, yes.

00:13:38.760 what's the thing i you know i actually had a lot of travel booked and i was going to go back to

00:13:43.880 the states i was going to see my family i was going to hang out on the west coast in california

00:13:47.780 i was uh i was going to new york as well and that's all out the window now so i i'm i'm anxious 0.89

00:13:54.860 to get the fuck out of london and get the fuck away you know my boyfriend and i do really well 0.95

00:14:00.400 when we're apart from each other so we need some time apart um so i guess i guess that'll come 0.99

00:14:05.760 back i hope that comes back but i was really looking forward to that so that's uh i don't

00:14:10.740 know i'm i'm sad that that's not coming anytime soon francis your forehead is cut off again mate

00:14:16.860 oh sorry sorry apologies it's because i was leaning in because i wanted to i was going to

00:14:20.300 make a point but i think everybody in this situation is going to realize they don't love

00:14:25.380 their partners as much as they thought they did look how happy he is about it as well he's like

00:14:31.460 everybody's just gonna destroy love yeah i am i'm thrilled and i'm overjoyed ria what's the one

00:14:37.960 thing that you miss most you know what nothing yeah i spend so much time trap nothing well i

00:14:44.080 spend so much time traveling for work and and every weekend you know from january to june was

00:14:49.740 booked in different places i think i'm actually going to enjoy staying home for a while i'm going

00:14:55.020 to enjoy staying home for a while and then i'm sure i'm going to get cabin fever but at the moment

00:14:59.880 at the moment because i live right in the middle of london like in the the eye of the storm so every

00:15:05.520 night i've been going out and just walking two or three miles and just hit you know out to st paul's

00:15:09.920 or down to the parliament square or just just cute just and you'd see nobody like you're never

00:15:15.860 going to get to see london like this again and until they actually lock us in our houses and

00:15:20.480 board it over like china did i'm gonna i'm gonna head out and it's it's beautiful it's beautiful

00:15:25.720 you can breathe for once because there's so little traffic so little congestion there's

00:15:30.000 no stupid tourists taking pictures of the wrong thing so um at the moment i'm i'm actually enjoying 0.73

00:15:37.200 the status quo and i find it i think it's quite exciting i think it's quite exciting what's going 0.97

00:15:40.980 forward i mean that whole thing about taiwan and and hong kong that is how they're going to get

00:15:44.540 their independence is they're going to keep one person sick with covet 19 yes and just go come

00:15:52.260 and get us china we got we got someone ready to transmit yeah wow now yeah now then how about that

00:15:59.240 for an image so uh we're gonna do some true and false guys uh i'm gonna give you some true or

00:16:05.580 some myths around uh the covid 19 uh now one of these myths is true and the other four have been

00:16:14.640 made up so one of these myths is true wait a real myth is true so you found a true myth

00:16:20.580 as in a sense that it's a myth that people are actually talking about and believing in

00:16:25.580 and the rest of the other four are ones that i made up myself oh right right but they're all

00:16:30.480 sorry i missed the beginning of that because i needed to plug in the laptop and the cat wanted

00:16:34.520 to pee okay that's fair enough the cat needs to pee right so don't we all don't we all these are

00:16:42.180 five myths okay rumors okay you know fallacies that have been uh that have been uh basically

00:16:50.060 created around COVID-19 now four of them have been created by me but one of them is actually

00:16:57.340 true you've got to find out which one is the piece of nonsense that is actually circulating

00:17:03.960 in the world okay none of them are true none of them are true are they all true but there's one

00:17:11.440 one is actually being believed by people yeah right okay one you found on the internet and

00:17:17.220 before you made up yourself yeah exactly okay got it i love the way that we're having to explain

00:17:22.020 the game to ourselves here this is brilliant all right okay so the first one rumor number one

00:17:28.300 italy sorry not italy india believe consuming cow dung and urine can cure corona that's myth 0.62

00:17:36.020 number one might be an idea to write this down if you want india believe consuming cow dung and

00:17:41.300 in urine can cure corona myth number two in brazil they believe wearing condoms means you're likely

00:17:48.160 to get corona as you're less of a man for wearing protection you made that up man that is definitely

00:17:56.020 a francis made up myth number three a man in birmingham alabama was arrested by police for 0.94

00:18:03.540 shooting his gun in the air randomly when asked why he said ain't no goddamn virus gonna get me

00:18:09.800 that's not a myth 0.98

00:18:12.040 that's 0.99

00:18:14.340 I mean that shit happens all the time 0.99

00:18:15.680 that's a Wednesday 0.99

00:18:16.280 yeah

00:18:16.740 yeah

00:18:17.140 Wednesday

00:18:17.580 alright

00:18:18.560 number four

00:18:19.820 there's a rumor in South London

00:18:22.140 that as long as you have

00:18:23.300 six Jager bombs

00:18:24.300 whilst you're feeling feverish

00:18:26.000 you'll be able to walk it off

00:18:27.740 in no time

00:18:28.500 and the last myth is

00:18:32.800 in Lithuania

00:18:33.520 they believe that

00:18:34.360 contracting corona

00:18:35.440 shows that you're 0.99

00:18:36.720 that you are a weak man 0.96

00:18:38.500 and the hashtag real men don't get corona is trending mate that said trust me that is just 0.68

00:18:45.480 true it's not even a myth yeah believe me yeah so and i agree with it frankly if you get you get

00:18:52.000 coronavirus you're probably weak okay so just to recap number one is india believes consuming 1.00

00:18:58.640 caridong and urine can cure corona number two in brazil they believe wearing condoms means you're

00:19:04.260 likely to get it as you're less of a man number three a man in birmingham alabama was arrested

00:19:09.340 by police for shooting his gun in the air and uh number four there's a rumor in south london that

00:19:14.780 as long as you have six jaeger bombs you'll be able to walk it off and in lithuania they believe

00:19:19.060 contracting corona shows that you're a weak man and that the hashtag real men don't get corona

00:19:23.960 is trending right over to you ria what do you think is real which would you think of force

00:19:29.660 well i'm torn on the one hand i'm inclined to go with the india one because that that just makes

00:19:36.840 so much sense to to drink sacred piss uh and cure yourself of and i'm sure they do it for 0.70

00:19:43.380 all sorts of things not just corona but then on the other hand i'm wondering how much

00:19:46.840 is that getting out into the into the suburbs of india where they may not even know about

00:19:53.940 COVID-19 yet but you've got three of five they're all about manliness yes three of five are about

00:20:01.060 manliness and and as we all know masculinity is toxic in itself so number number three about the

00:20:13.240 American as we've already discussed that's that's they're shooting their guns in the air all the 0.59

00:20:17.580 time so I'm not going to take the reason being COVID-19 over any other reason that they gave

00:20:22.240 i'm going to stick with one i quite like it i quite like the idea of uh of uh of master chef

00:20:28.580 you know master chef 2020 in having some nice cow dung and piss you know offering okay lovely

00:20:37.500 so you're saying that number one ria david over to you well i'm i'm intrigued by ria's response

00:20:45.240 i mean i guess essentially ria's been looking for an opportunity to have some cow dung and piss 1.00

00:20:51.160 and this is finally it's finally happened it's my moment this is your moment can i just remind you

00:20:56.640 i have a 25 year old and i look like this so i'm obviously eating and drinking yeah it's working

00:21:00.720 whatever it's working for me it's working the other thing is that i also noticed that there

00:21:05.820 was a lot about manliness in this and it makes me suspicious of those myths because we all know

00:21:12.720 that francis is obsessed with manliness and it's a huge ish masculinity is a real struggle and an

00:21:19.120 issue and part of your thing i get it you know i get that that's part of your thing so i and i

00:21:25.320 also agree that the um american one sounds like something that um a brit would say about an

00:21:32.940 american right you know that's like a joke that's that common joke about america so of course i make

00:21:38.020 that joke too but um it's too better i think it's too bad yeah hopefully yeah um so i'm also going

00:21:46.180 to go with the india one because i think like ria i think that uh your attempts to come up with myths

00:21:54.340 have failed i think that ria and i and all our listeners probably can see through your charade

00:22:04.360 francis and really you wanted us to you know talk about your masculinity and i'm not going to do

00:22:10.840 that i'm not going to play that game okay and finally if our viewers are wondering why we've

00:22:15.940 decided to get two guests on the show is so i don't have to roast francis myself

00:22:19.940 i i also agree with ria i think it's number one is the real one number one is a real one

00:22:25.760 constantin which one do you think uh remind me number four number four uh that's london 0.99

00:22:32.000 jaeger bombs yeah that's definitely that's bullshit the lithuania's one is bullshit the 0.99

00:22:36.800 condom one is bullshit what was the third one it was burmese alabama man was arrested yeah that's 1.00

00:22:41.980 it's got to be the cows yeah it is the cows well done everybody well done everybody hey guys uh 0.99

00:22:49.040 we've got a uh breaking news um all right uh at 8 30 boris johnson is going to address the nation

00:22:55.160 yes i knew this uh yes and do you think we're going into lockdown that's the real question

00:23:02.800 well i just saw a picture someone yesterday was cycling through london and there was a

00:23:08.780 farmer's market going on and they took a picture of it i mean there's still an awful lot of

00:23:13.160 congregation yeah there's still a lot of congregation going on so it's entirely possible

00:23:18.100 as i said earlier i really hope the lockdown is not you can't leave your house after six because

00:23:22.620 who's on there's another country that's on a lockdown from six till six can't remember which

00:23:27.400 one it is uh because i i like my walks but if we have to do it for the sake of i mean you've got

00:23:34.640 to remember every anyone listening that i'm sure everyone on listening to this is perfectly sensible

00:23:39.360 but but but you have to remember that every time you decide to go out and congregate it could be

00:23:47.700 your life that the doctors have to decide whether or not to save if it comes down to you and one

00:23:51.820 other person if you're in you're in and that's what you're avoiding that's what i want to avoid

00:23:56.780 i want to avoid being that person stuck behind a mask or being intubated listening to doctors go

00:24:02.400 but should we save her should we save the other one yeah she's really old yeah she's old she's 0.99

00:24:08.600 way past her peak this one why why keep that one that one's young and pretty with tits 1.00

00:24:16.860 i think i think you know boris has at every step of the way resisted this

00:24:24.420 resisted and i think he will continue to resist and he's built it up as this big thing

00:24:29.320 because they announced this earlier and it or there was there was rumors that this was coming

00:24:34.120 at 8 30 and um you know we've heard this again and again and again and he just resists it i don't

00:24:40.200 know what the rationale is to resist it but i'll bet he once again comes out bangs his fist on the

00:24:45.400 podium and says stay indoors you've got to stay indoors but doesn't make it a formal shutdown

00:24:51.900 i think he wants to be liked this is it he he didn't get into politics for the good of the

00:24:58.440 people he got into politics for because he's hoping that in 50 years the next prime minister

00:25:03.520 writes a book about him the way he wrote a book about churchill that's what he's in it for so

00:25:07.800 he's desperately trying to cling on to his likability here which is not going to work

00:25:13.380 if he keeps putting himself up next to rishi rishi's coming across as a great statesman

00:25:16.880 isn't he comes out there he gives us the information he has a lovely little clippable

00:25:21.280 message you know memeable message we're all in it together we do this for all of us and he gives us

00:25:27.160 money and he gives us money and then on that very subject i just have to point out that we clearly

00:25:33.860 have a stream full of northerners because we haven't got a single super chat so far for us

00:25:37.540 which is very unusual i think people are just i just stunned by the fact that we've got two guests

00:25:42.320 on and uh the they don't want you to share the money either that or they just don't have any

00:25:47.700 money anymore because they've all lost their jobs in which case uh this entertainment is yours

00:25:52.320 to have and to enjoy for free.

00:25:54.440 But we have a question, or rather

00:25:56.460 a point, from one of our

00:25:58.420 YouTube members, Stephen Maudsley,

00:26:00.680 who says, the British public have

00:26:02.500 shown they have no respect for various police forces.

00:26:04.740 What's the best? People clash with

00:26:06.460 the police out of stubbornness. A lockdown

00:26:08.280 won't do anything but stretch the police further.

00:26:10.620 Do you reckon we're going to have another set

00:26:12.460 of riots?

00:26:14.400 Yes.

00:26:17.080 Yeah, we are.

00:26:18.360 The toilet paper riots.

00:26:20.200 the toilet paper where people well go david go why are we going to have rights because we're

00:26:25.840 going to have people showing up at hospitals with guns and knives and saying my partner my wife my

00:26:32.560 mother needs to be seen and needs to be seen now it's just and that's going to happen in major in

00:26:37.740 a major way in the u.s but i think it's going to happen here too and i think people are you know

00:26:41.920 it's going to turn real violent and scary real quick wow okay what do you think ria what was

00:26:49.160 a question yeah hold on before before you answer the question you no longer remember we've got a

00:26:53.900 super chat the first one from john bork with the two pound says message retracted he's self-censoring

00:26:59.480 already oh and that's what we want we want people to self-censor that's what the show is about

00:27:06.520 what's his surname bork bork bork no just oh bork oh i thought it was bork like in star trek i thought

00:27:13.360 that's a great name no no john is a regular supporter of the show uh but the question was

00:27:19.300 ria do you think we're going to have riots yes i think i think in certain places in some way shape

00:27:26.440 or form there will be some kind of uprising whether it's because of how long we've been

00:27:30.860 inside and everyone has cabin feeder whether whether the food banks aren't you know there's

00:27:35.380 a lot of people that need the food banks and if those aren't going to be serviced properly then

00:27:39.720 that's then that also could lead to to rights i think that uh if this isn't handled better than

00:27:47.300 it has been so far yeah we could see we could see something all right or campbell uh with 300 with

00:27:54.120 a another two pounds says there's a lack of super chats because yanks are cringe that's really not 0.53

00:28:00.000 nice that is so not nice can i just point out that i was born here i am as british as you if

00:28:06.800 not more so because i used all of that education that was available to me for free before they

00:28:11.860 made you pay for it well there you go perfect well uh i've got we've got one last game before

00:28:19.760 we go off which is to match the quote to the celebrity right so uh because we've had a celebrity

00:28:28.040 saying a lot of very very silly things so the first quote is it's a virus i don't get it i

00:28:35.000 respect it like yeah people are gonna die which is terrible but inevitable that's me

00:28:42.120 it's a celebrity it can't sit in it oh boom destroyed yes um just just because yanks or

00:28:52.180 whatever we whatever have you limited these celebrities to uk celebrities or is this no no

00:28:58.980 these are global celebrities in fact this is quite a big name celebrity kanye no no it's

00:29:04.820 good attempt anybody else i think it's um who is it it's someone from blue from blue jesus christ

00:29:14.460 we're going back a few years here david no no it's not someone from blue i don't know um it's

00:29:19.940 is it is it that sas prick no oh wow that's a surprise it's vanessa hudgens everybody

00:29:27.120 oh yeah no really yeah we played the clip on the stream a while ago and i still couldn't remember

00:29:35.340 yeah it's a virus i get it i respect it like yeah but people are gonna die which is terrible

00:29:40.960 i respect it how do you respect it i respect i respect that you want to invade my you know what

00:29:48.240 i this is when i agree with your your contributor americans are cringe

00:29:52.960 yes because at trigonometry realina we respect everything regardless of race gender or in fact 0.71

00:30:03.000 whether you are a human being or a virus or unless you're a yank then you're cringe yeah yes but you

00:30:09.100 know everything has limits next this is a very contagious virus it's incredible but it's

00:30:15.340 something we have tremendous control of trump that has got to be trump yeah it's trump baby

00:30:22.260 absolutely that is trump uh some people value their lives over freedom some people value

00:30:30.560 freedom over their lives we all make our choices with love and respect that's me again

00:30:37.480 no uh who is that

00:30:42.500 give us a hint give us a hint i'm sorry what does it even mean like i can't even

00:30:50.440 That's like a nothingness

00:30:52.240 It's like a fridge magnet that you

00:30:53.940 Print and sell in a tourist shop

00:30:56.660 Some people value their lives over freedom

00:30:58.380 Some people value freedom over their lives

00:31:00.360 Someone super right wing

00:31:01.480 It's an actress

00:31:03.520 There are no super right wing actresses 0.99

00:31:07.040 No but it does sound like an activist

00:31:09.360 Certainly none that are working

00:31:10.340 That's for sure

00:31:10.920 uh right we'll come back to that and i've got my favorite one michael johnson says france's mom

00:31:24.480 yeah very right wing woman also we got another super chat from campbell 300 which i can't read

00:31:29.920 out but he basically acknowledges that david acknowledged yeah yeah anyway right and the

00:31:35.900 last one is words it's just a bit of flu mate oh i know this oh it's just and i'll give you a clue

00:31:43.780 he's not a fucking celebrity but i'm never gonna again no david constanton yes that one actually 0.97

00:31:52.980 that is me two weeks ago uh exactly it's just a bit of flu mate unbelievable yeah unbelievable 0.98

00:32:03.720 but guys um wait that that other quote the live and freedom the actor the actress i can't find it

00:32:10.280 i've brought it down somewhere i can't find it oh that's what i was gonna say can i guess though

00:32:14.720 that okay so my guess is that that actress weighs less than 55 kilos can that be my guess 0.99

00:32:21.060 kind of quote that one of them skinny actressy model e ones would have said yeah well she's an 1.00

00:32:26.500 actress right so of course she weighs less than that you know she wants to work doesn't she 1.00

00:32:31.180 yeah which is all true yeah and now that weinstein's locked up you know you gotta go

00:32:36.500 do you progress yeah exactly yeah yeah absolutely by the way he got covid19 he tested positive in

00:32:42.440 prison yes yes he did consent to covid19 now there's a big question

00:32:46.600 but uh that's unfortunate where we're gonna have to wrap it up guys because uh we're gonna do a

00:32:53.820 shortened one today but thank you so much for taking part realina if people want to follow you

00:32:58.820 if people want to find you on the interweb how can they do that uh they just need to search my

00:33:04.700 name realina which is r-i-a and then l-i-n-a i've got youtube channel or on any of the other

00:33:09.640 socials one of them you know i'm a social media whore i'm on them all except for snapchat because

00:33:14.260 that's weird um for children yeah and david how do people uh find you uh i've got a podcast but

00:33:24.860 Find me on Twitter or Instagram at David Mills, D-E-P-T, like David Mills Department.

00:33:30.160 And then my podcast is called Focus People with David Mills.

00:33:33.760 And we have guests on that.

00:33:35.600 A lot of comedians and others come on that for a bit of chit-chat and conversation.

00:33:40.760 And, yeah, you can find me that way.

00:33:42.580 And then I was scheduled to be on the show at Comedy Unleashed in April.

00:33:48.280 But hopefully I'll be back in the autumn.

00:33:50.560 All right.

00:33:51.240 Well, guys, thanks for tuning in.

00:33:52.620 we will be putting out these recordings as a podcast as well.

00:33:55.620 So this was the first laugh in a time of Corona.

00:33:58.480 There will be more,

00:33:59.840 they will be longer as well.

00:34:02.020 And we will see you tomorrow.

00:34:05.300 Oh,

00:34:05.760 cool announcement tomorrow.

00:34:07.260 We're doing a live stream with Sargon of a cad, 0.91

00:34:10.820 some red meat for the,

00:34:13.560 for the,

00:34:14.580 for the right wing base that we keep being told that we have.

00:34:17.940 So that will be tomorrow night.

00:34:19.360 And we'll be doing more of these laughs in a time of Corona as well.

00:34:22.300 so thanks very much for watching thank you for the super chats we've now got about 25p each from

00:34:27.180 this stream uh so we will see you uh very very soon and now i need to work out how to stop

00:34:34.620 streaming in this new system that we've worked out this is going to be a perpetual stream we're

00:34:39.080 all just going to carry on with our lives while it streams all right guys take care everybody i've

00:34:43.120 worked it out and we'll see you soon your full great outdoors comedy festival lineup is here

00:34:48.300 on September 11th through 13th at Arendelle Park.

00:34:51.780 Three nights, five shows, huge laughs.

00:34:54.940 September 11th through 13th.

00:34:56.620 Buy tickets now at greatoutdoorscomedyfestival.com.

TRIGGERnometry - March 24, 2020

Laugh in a Time of Corona： Episode 1 ｜ Ria Lina and David Mills

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