00:00:54.320Okay, so I guess like 10,000 foot view would be I've spent over a decade in the in the adult industry. I kind of navigated the mainstream version of that and then slowly transitioned to self producing. And now the OnlyFans model, which is, you know, very popular right now. And a lot of people are talking about that. And then I would say somewhere in the middle of that, I decided to start a podcast just like everyone else, you know, during quarantine and lockdown.
00:01:22.080So I got inspired to do it mostly because I just saw a lot of conversations that were being had on one side.
00:01:32.060And I feel like no one was really representing thoughts that I thought were important or conversations that I thought were important or asking tough questions because I'm in this rare space where I can't be canceled.
00:01:42.960So I was like, well, let's see what we can do with that and run with it.
00:01:46.700Well, we like people who can't be canceled because they're the ones that the only ones nowadays who can have an honest conversation, which is what we try to do. So very much in that spirit. Can you just start us off by telling us some basic stuff about, you know, what, how did you get into the, into the adult film industry and why, what motivated you to do that?
00:02:06.960Oh, man, it was it's going to sound kind of crazy, but to some extent, I've always been fascinated by sexuality and kind of the energy and power that comes with that.
00:02:19.220Even from a very young age, I was often like idolizing women like Pamela Anderson and Carmen Electra and the Playboy Bunnies.
00:02:28.620and I don't know I felt like there was some kind of freedom that came along with like realizing
00:02:36.760your sexual potential and then for me it just it seemed like that's just who I was it wasn't
00:02:44.120for the money it wasn't to get super famous it just kind of felt like a part of me so I kind of
00:02:50.360dipped my toe in with just like implied modeling like something that you would see in magazines you
00:02:55.220know not showing anything and I just kind of got bored and I was like well that's not what I really
00:02:59.620want to do I want to do these big pictures and I want to be doing these big movies and I want to
00:03:03.820see what it's like to be on a proper set um so I reached out to a company in Florida and I was like
00:03:09.880I don't really know how this works like do you audition like how like how mainstream is this
00:03:14.800how does it go and I they were like just send us a couple selfies and I did and then they flew me
00:03:19.600down to Florida and the rest was history and so how long did you work in the mainstream industry
00:03:24.360for oh man i'd say probably five to six years it was pretty short i've spent probably just as much
00:03:35.200time now on the opposite side of it just self-producing and doing the more amateur
00:03:39.320approach as i did in the mainstream industry and whenever there's been an expose of the porn
00:03:45.440industry on tv it always looks i'm going to be using technical language here can do so it looks
00:03:51.380fucking awful is it actually like that it looks deeply exploitative it looks deeply misogynistic
00:03:58.440and nobody comes out of it in a good way or is that just an industry the tv trying to moralize
00:04:06.640trying to put this narrative across so i think two things can be true at once right and i think
00:04:11.840being exploited isn't unique to the adult industry especially when it comes to women i think
00:04:16.680you know we can be harassed in any industry it's you look at you know the music business or look
00:04:21.820at mainstream Hollywood anywhere really it can exist I think it's just it has more of that
00:04:27.600visceral response because it's such an intimate industry so we really don't like when we see it
00:04:32.620and it's happening quite literally right like you have an assault or something that happens on set
00:04:37.400so I mean that absolutely does happen and it's not to take away from the people that are victims
00:04:43.960within like the sex trade but I wouldn't say that that's the norm I wouldn't say that the vast
00:04:49.640majority of porn is leading to human trafficking which seems to kind of be the narrative right now
00:04:54.620and if that were true then if you were to look at countries like Nepal where porn is illegal you
00:04:59.360would expect that there's no trafficking right and there would be no women or children that are
00:05:03.760being exploited but that's really not the case I have a huge trafficking issue in that country
00:05:08.820so uh yeah I think I think both things can be true I think it depends on why you got in too
00:05:15.120right like if you go in because it's a curiosity or it's a part of like something that you want to
00:05:20.720explore versus I have a bill to pay and I'm just doing this out of survival I think the outcome
00:05:25.920is going to be dependent on that and I mean you talked I was watching one of your interviews where
00:05:32.260you talked about performing with one particular person I think in the UK and you were saying that
00:05:38.240this person was you know not respectful not a good person and made you feel deeply uncomfortable
00:05:45.820was that the norm or is that actually an aberration and most people in it are just professionals
00:05:51.800it's like turning up to the office you turn up with your cup of coffee you walk in and you do
00:05:55.680what you need to do so I think my case is a little bit unique when I started shooting more of the
00:06:01.440hardcore stuff I always had a yes list so everyone that I would work with that was a man was um had
00:06:07.760to like check off certain boxes for me. So I was very particular who I was going to work with in
00:06:12.940the States. I didn't really know anyone when I came over to shoot in the UK. So I kind of just
00:06:17.420had to ask around as to like who, who people would recommend. Um, for one of the bigger pictures we
00:06:23.340did, someone was on this, or I got, um, booked with someone that I didn't really know anything
00:06:27.480about. And I was like, it won't be a big deal. Um, you know, I've been doing this for years now.
00:06:31.880it's just a scene right and I don't know if it was just I don't know if he was trying to act or
00:06:38.960if he was nervous maybe because of who I was because I was a really big name at the time
00:06:43.440and he was a UK performer and they don't really have the same amount of like like star power
00:06:49.480quote-unquote so I don't know what was going on it was really uncomfortable no one really said
00:06:55.280anything so I don't know if that's normal for most women if they just work with random people
00:07:00.520that show up on set um i know that was very unusual for me because again like i had a yes list
00:07:06.400so everyone on it was like a superstar like very respectful very professional um would never put
00:07:11.860me in harm's way and this is just one of those rare instances where i worked with someone off
00:07:15.580of my list and i was like well this is why i have a list this is why that exists so it sounds like
00:07:22.600you were in a position of actually quite a lot of power uh compared to many other people i would
00:07:28.120imagine an industry being a big name etc do you think that that is possibly why you had fewer
00:07:35.160issues with that sort of thing do you think that it's more common for for people sort of lower down
00:07:40.540the pecking order to be exploited i mean as comedians it's obviously a different industry
00:07:45.020but i can tell you it's kind of the same like the lower down the pecking order you are in comedy the
00:07:49.520more you know you get asked to do things for no money you get asked to do things that you're not
00:07:54.320necessarily keen to do, to travel further than you'd like, all that sort of stuff. So do you
00:07:59.060think that you were sort of somewhat insulated from some of the problems that people often
00:08:03.140associate with porn because of who you were? Definitely, because I mean, even the stuff,
00:08:10.060anything dicey that I even did have to go through through my career, I think that's,
00:08:14.260so I actually got fired from my contract. And it was one of like the final decisions before I
00:08:20.640started self-producing. So I got fired because I was like one of the main and like original
00:08:26.320contract girls for my era of, of porn star. Um, and we started getting new contract girls and I
00:08:32.980just saw stuff that I wasn't okay with. And then I saw what they were doing to me. I saw what they
00:08:37.620were doing to her. And I was like, well, if they're doing this to people that have these really large
00:08:41.800social platforms, I can't imagine what they're doing to someone who has nothing, right? Cause
00:08:45.940they don't they they can shout into this void and no one's going to know um so i took to twitter
00:08:51.120about it sorry to interrupt by making them do things that you're uncomfortable with what are
00:08:57.340we actually talking about here so i would say like something really simple right like a contract
00:09:01.700so they sent me my contract and i had to obviously send it to my lawyer and have it reviewed and make
00:09:08.060adjustments and send it back and they acted like this was preposterous right like no one does this
00:09:13.160you just signed. I was like, well, that's ridiculous. They should, right? So this girl
00:09:17.520that was getting signed, her agent was like, no, no, no, just sign it. You don't need to send it
00:09:22.020to a lawyer. Eva's just a diva. You don't want to be difficult like that, right? So she signs
00:09:27.480this contract. I don't know what hers said. I know what mine said, and I can imagine it was
00:09:31.620pretty similar to my original version. Typically, when it comes to sex acts, and especially if
00:09:37.480you're contracted, everything is kind of laid out like a menu. So it's like, okay, this act is for
00:09:42.520this price and all of these are my yeses all of these are nos like don't even bring it to me I
00:09:47.120don't do them so for example it it seems obvious but if you were to work in a group scene you would
00:09:55.080expect to get paid more money right and if it's not listed you would expect that that conversation
00:10:00.400would be had if you were comfortable with that so I was in a particular situation where I showed up
00:10:06.020across the sea right I show up in the UK and all of a sudden it's this huge group scene and I don't
00:10:11.100do those. And they're like, well, you're already here, you have to do it. I was like, that's not
00:10:15.220how it works. So it was like this huge argument. Obviously, I didn't end up going through with it
00:10:19.900because that wasn't, you know, that wasn't something I was comfortable with. But the other
00:10:24.900girl did because she, you know, didn't want to cause a stir and she didn't get paid extra. And
00:10:29.640it's like, you were being taken advantage of so clearly. And she was such a sweet girl. She didn't
00:10:35.700want to be disagreeable. You know, she wanted to keep her head down. She really loved what she was
00:10:39.800doing she loved her opportunities you know what i mean working for this very large company um so
00:10:45.500i was like well if no one else is going to say something i'm going to so i took it sounds like
00:10:50.440uh can you start to interrupt it sounds like exactly the sort of thing people experience in
00:10:55.320every industry uh across the spectrum i've been in those positions and often found myself being
00:11:01.260the odd one out as well which is why i've ended up doing this but but but the problem is for me
00:11:08.620at least and you know talk to me talk me out of this if you can that you know if someone wants me
00:11:13.820to to work for less money or do this or do that at the end of the day I'm not selling something as
00:11:19.820intimate as sex whereas here someone is being put in a position where like you say they may be sweet
00:11:26.420maybe they're a little bit fearful of upsetting people etc and the end result is they end up
00:11:31.680having sex with a bunch of people that they never wanted to in the first place and that I think is
00:11:36.840where a lot of people have the feeling that porn is uniquely exploitative. Would you agree with
00:11:41.700that? I think it depends on the mindset. So it's going to maybe sound a little callous or
00:11:47.640I don't know. I just think some people can have very casual sex and it doesn't leave a trauma,
00:11:56.460right? Like they can be, they can kind of dissociate. And then other people can't,
00:12:05.480I would imagine, yes, if I felt like I was in a position where I ended up having sex with five people and I didn't want to, like, I can imagine that's a really big regret.
00:12:16.820Especially because you leave, like, let's say you leave the industry and you go to a society that's not really accepting of those decisions.
00:37:02.920And the idea that you can't appreciate other beauty without being unfaithful or without somehow tarnishing the relationship that you have, I think, is kind of ridiculous.
00:37:13.560I think, do you want this really fragile relationship or do you want something that's anti-fragile?
00:37:18.940So if your relationship is that delicate, where simply acknowledging someone else's beauty or appreciating it or masturbating to it is going to undo it all, I think that's kind of something to pay attention to.
00:37:34.240Candice, do you think we're very hypocritical of our attitudes to sex and particularly for porn?
00:37:38.680He doesn't just mean the two of us, by the way. He means society.
00:37:41.420i mean if you if you look at the numbers right like if you look at how many unique
00:37:47.100visits there are to pornhub i would say absolutely and why is that why do we have this
00:37:53.640you know because as you say you know we all you know everybody has sex practically everybody if
00:37:58.880you believe the numbers watches porn why do we have such weird attitudes to this i think right
00:38:05.200now because again it's still considered so taboo it's still considered something that is primarily
00:38:10.800for the purpose of child rearing um the idea that it's just for pleasure is still not
00:38:17.080widely talked about even though we kind of intrinsically know that um we know that pleasure
00:38:22.600is important uh they've done all so they try to do these sexual studies um and they find that
00:38:29.120there's this book called a billion wicked thoughts and they kind of took a lot of these tube sites as
00:38:33.860ways to get information as to what people are into and kinks and fetishes and all of these things
00:38:40.180Because even when you're giving people what you would call anonymous forms, they still didn't feel like they could be honest.
00:38:46.900So there's just something really deeply buried in us that is, again, linked to shame and judgment.
00:38:53.040And we just feel like we can't be ourselves.
00:38:55.060And then we wonder why we have unfulfilling sex lives with our partners because we can't have these conversations.
00:39:00.280So I think it starts with the individual.
00:39:02.180And it's like, again, how do you want to show up?
00:39:03.680How do you want your relationship with sex to be?
00:39:33.880I think, I think that we still have such a huge and we're still hugely influenced by religion. So I think that you can't ignore that, especially still in the States. Like that's, I would say the biggest argument about it. But I think we kind of like jumped a whole bunch of steps ahead.
00:39:54.300so we went from let's just try to have an honest conversation about we'll talk about women's
00:39:59.700sexuality and like their right to to pleasure to everyone needs to have an only fans and if you
00:40:05.380don't accept that then you know then you're just a bigot and a misogynist and whatever and like
00:40:10.240well that's like that's way on the other other end of the spectrum so I think it's um I don't
00:40:17.420know it's finding again what's like important for you right and like and trying to distinguish
00:40:23.500between what you've been taught and wired to think and feel versus like your authentic self
00:40:28.240and you mentioned the word wired there uh candace and i was going to ask you about this because do
00:40:33.400you not think i mean if we look at you know cross-culturally almost every society has some
00:40:38.360sort of uh i'm gonna quote jordan peterson and get into a lot of trouble here so i won't quite
00:40:43.380phrase it the way he did which when he said enforced monogamy and everybody went mental
00:40:47.620But the idea that society encourages monogamous relationships between men and women, because that is the way that society kind of, you know, supports itself best and reproduces itself best.
00:41:02.120Do you think maybe part of this is just evolutionary and evolutionary psychologically and
00:41:08.440evolutionary biological in that we kind of need people to get together with one person
00:48:21.400It sounds like an evasion, but actually it's exactly right,
00:48:25.040because it's become this broad concept and some people use it pejoratively and some people use it
00:48:31.560to praise people and and they all mean different things i suppose by the standard definition if
00:48:37.260you think men and women are and should be treated equally then everybody sort of is right but but
00:48:43.180it seems to have got complicated so do you find that feminists like you or feminists hate you or
00:48:50.900you get different reactions from different types or like how what is your experience of dealing
00:48:55.820with people i would say most of them probably don't like me i've heard that i've internalized
00:49:01.060the patriarch and that i'm um what is the other one that like somehow i don't know that i'm being
00:49:09.620exploited i don't like it's just it it takes away all of the intelligence from women like we we can't
00:49:17.060make these decisions on our own we need someone to hold our hand and we need someone um to regulate
00:49:22.320this so that we don't make this horrible mistake um so to me that would be anti-women right is
00:49:28.840saying that we are lesser than we're dumber than um we're kind of like children in some sense so
00:49:34.100i never really got along with those women and what have you learned from from your journey in
00:49:40.500that particular industry? Because it must have been an experience where, how to put this, you
00:49:47.760must have realized things about yourself, things about men in particular, things about sexuality
00:49:54.120that the average person might never come across or might never discover.
00:49:59.500Oh, man. That's a tough one. I would say that I think we were sold this story that, you know, if you own your sexuality and if you are pretty enough or if you're rich enough,
00:50:26.060if you're famous enough, all of these things that that leads to, I would say, like being fulfilled
00:50:31.940and happy. I think when I first got in and I first started getting recognized, it's almost like you
00:50:38.200start getting drunk on all of those things and you start losing touch with reality. And I think
00:50:44.060I learned that it's crucial and imperative that you have people around you to keep you grounded
00:50:50.260and to keep you from floating away into that