True Patriot Love

00:00:00.000 Hi, I'm Teresa Greco, the host of The Happy Hour, where on the show we talk about the things that

00:00:09.880 can help us to live our happiest lives physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Today on

00:00:16.500 the show, I have my beautiful, beautiful friend, Kasia Bradford. Thank you so much for being with

00:00:22.300 us. Thank you so much. So Kasia, why don't you share a little bit more about yourself? Sure. So as

00:00:31.200 Teresa said, my name is Kasia Bradford. I am a transformational leadership coach, mostly for

00:00:37.380 women. I have a few good men that I work with, but that's not where I started. I come from a 25-year

00:00:44.660 corporate career that ended just about three years ago. And even though I've been coaching for

00:00:52.440 over 15 years, I never took it on full-time. But the last three years, that's what I've shifted

00:00:58.380 into. And really, I came into this work close to two decades ago when I was navigating not such a

00:01:09.120 great divorce. I had a new toddler and I hired my first coach who helped me really transition through

00:01:17.200 that big shift in my life. And also at that point, I was starting to climb in corporate. Again,

00:01:24.120 single mom, raising a toddler. So there was just a lot going on. And not to mention, like I'm an

00:01:30.260 immigrant child, or I was an immigrant child, now an adult. But my life has been a series of massive

00:01:37.800 changes. And there was a lot of great that came from that. Of course, a lot of resilience and

00:01:44.060 adaptability and all of that stuff. But there was also a lot of me that I lost in the process too.

00:01:49.220 And so the last 20 years really has been a reclamation of who I am, coming back to my

00:01:54.400 authentic self, really finding out who am I. And then that work supporting the women that I work with

00:02:00.880 as well. So today I work with mostly high-achieving women whose life looks like they're perfect on the 1.00

00:02:07.680 outside. Everything looks amazing to the outside world. But they are in this question of, I have

00:02:15.180 all these things. And who am I really? Like, is there all there is? So that's a little bit about me.

00:02:22.420 Wow. And that's exactly my own personal story. So so much of what you just shared in your intro

00:02:29.400 is also so much about me and also the people that I support too in my work as a coach. Those of us

00:02:37.460 that have achieved the, you know, the quote-unquote perfect life, checklist after checklist of all the

00:02:45.600 things that we think are going to make us happy, right? Because this is one of the reasons why I do

00:02:51.140 the show in that we believe that our happiness is going to be found in our possessions, positions,

00:02:58.520 titles, degrees, relationships, experiences, and appearance. Those are all the areas that we attribute

00:03:06.100 our happiness to, where we say things like, I won't be happy until I lose those 10 pounds. I won't be happy

00:03:13.100 until I find that perfect person before I go on that vacation, before I get that position at work,

00:03:19.140 I finish my degree, that it's always somewhere outside of ourselves, and we just need to find,

00:03:25.580 buy, earn, or achieve it. And that science, however, has really debunked all of those different areas

00:03:35.580 that we now know that, you know, even though society, culture, religion, all of these different

00:03:40.800 entities outside seem to propagate this message that this is what you need to have this happy life.

00:03:48.380 And then yet we work towards all of that, we spend a good part of our life achieving all of those

00:03:54.500 different things, checking off all of those different boxes, and then yet are left feeling

00:03:59.920 unfulfilled and unhappy. And that for me, it was the milestone of turning 40 that had me taking that

00:04:07.800 step back and reevaluating my life and saying, wow, well, if you know, if I have all the things,

00:04:14.500 why is it that I still, I still feel unhappy and unfulfilled? It didn't matter how much more

00:04:20.720 education I got, how much more I tried to help people, I always felt unhappy. And so if we think

00:04:26.600 about the people that you serve, is it, are they in that same type of boat where they have also have

00:04:36.300 been sucked into the misconceptions of where we believe happiness is found,

00:04:41.400 and then are now left feeling unhappy and unfulfilled? Or is, is it a little, is there more to it?

00:04:50.320 So that, that is definitely a thing, for sure, what you said, and there is a lot more. And I'm finding

00:04:59.020 with, in the last two years, specifically, the women who are the most dissatisfied is the ones that 1.00

00:05:08.400 really aren't going after all the things. And, and I was there, too. I was just like, oh, my gosh,

00:05:15.820 like, it's always so funny, like you said, like, who we attract and who we help. But it's the ones

00:05:21.000 who have bought into this idea that they have to do it all, they have to do it perfect, that they don't

00:05:26.200 need help. And they're doing it so perfectly that nobody even offers help, because they look like 1.00

00:05:32.320 they haven't handled, but they're so freaking exhausted. Because I think probably the feminist 1.00

00:05:38.780 movement didn't help, you know, us, babe, go get it, da, da, da. And so these women are just burning 1.00

00:05:45.780 out in this masculine drive, and never having this switch. So career might be thriving, but

00:05:53.380 relationships are definitely suffering, suffering, connection, suffering, happiness is suffering.

00:05:58.920 So definitely. Yes, yes, yeah, lots of good reasons there. And so when they come to you are,

00:06:09.320 let's talk about the burnout. Because I know that in this age of busyness, which we were I was talking

00:06:16.200 about with an on another episode, where we fill all of our time with, with more things and more things

00:06:23.180 and that we somehow wear busyness as a badge of honor, right? Where you know, what my guest was

00:06:29.420 saying is almost like two busy people going, well, if you think that's busy, look what I have. And

00:06:34.280 oh, yeah, but I forgot to tell you, I also have this. And that we think that filling all of our time

00:06:40.700 and that I said, the irony of it all is that we have created machines, and and technologies that are

00:06:48.840 supposed to free up our time to give us more time to do the things that we enjoy. But all those

00:06:55.400 machines have ever done is given us more time to fit in more work, and more responsibilities,

00:07:00.440 right? That, you know, when we, when all of the big appliances came out, right, the dishwasher and

00:07:06.640 the washing machine, and I and a lot of the tools that we use, you know, in our homes, and then,

00:07:11.900 and now AI is like, Oh, my goodness, now, instead of me, you know, taking all day to write this,

00:07:18.220 I don't need takes me like 30 seconds to write this, or, you know, I can, I can get through that

00:07:24.000 much, that much more in a day, because we keep creating technologies not to give us free time,

00:07:30.900 yes, but to almost pump ourselves with with way more work. Yeah. So if we go back to like,

00:07:37.500 the situation, especially, I think, you know, women that seem to handle responsibilities in so many

00:07:44.080 different domains, you know, including the home, we tend to have a lot of the responsibility in the

00:07:50.400 home, not only in the workplace. What would you say to any of that? Well, it's definitely,

00:07:59.100 I think this is where the inner work comes in. Because there is a reason why we're doing that,

00:08:06.280 that even when we find ourselves with something that helps us save time, we will still fill that

00:08:12.860 time with something else. So, so that's, that's kind of like what I look at. Because again, that

00:08:19.140 used to be me, I remember being nine months pregnant and washing walls, because I couldn't sit still,

00:08:24.780 like I was still in that place, that's almost 20 years ago. But I could not be with myself.

00:08:31.740 You know, I just, I didn't know who I was, but there was so much discomfort in that. So I was

00:08:38.280 always filling time, but it was very unconscious at that time. It was very unconscious. And I find that

00:08:45.980 most of my clients, they're in that same perpetual cycle where it is work for them to just sit down

00:08:53.560 and like not do anything for five minutes. That's difficult. So I think that a lot of it is, I mean,

00:09:02.100 we've been hearing a lot about nervous system or the last couple of years too. And I think it's become

00:09:06.640 so trendy that it's not that I don't think we ever talked about it. We've just kind of made the language

00:09:12.780 more trendy. So, so now people can maybe grab our attention because I think the other thing that's

00:09:18.840 happening, there is this information overload. And if we don't trendify the language in some way,

00:09:25.300 then like people are deaf to so much. But it's like, how do we start building capacity within

00:09:32.760 ourselves to just be like, you know, it's okay for me to just chill for five minutes and not do

00:09:39.620 anything. But in the beginning, that's hard. Yeah. But what happens oftentimes, if you have those

00:09:46.000 five minutes to chill, people are on their phones. Like it's amazing for me when I sit in my car and I

00:09:53.160 watch people on the streets walking, you know, on the sidewalk, especially in like downtown Toronto,

00:09:59.020 where it's, it's extremely busy. People are all walking on the streets with their phones. And that as

00:10:05.540 an educator, I walked through schools. And those five minutes that we would have had at the in the

00:10:12.880 grocery store line at the bank in those times when you just had to sit and chill for five minutes or

00:10:20.260 more. And to just be with your thoughts and be with yourself isn't happening anymore. Because now we all

00:10:28.400 have like a device that is almost like a third arm, that if we did have that moment just to breathe,

00:10:35.320 we don't take it. We're even on there watching other people do life. Yeah. Well, it's become a

00:10:42.660 pacifier, right? It's an adult pacifier. And again, I think to me, based on what I'm seeing,

00:10:50.300 it's because there is a discomfort in connection, there is a discomfort in like the doing nothing,

00:10:57.600 because, again, over the last decade, it's like you can do more, you can do more, you can do more,

00:11:02.160 even in corporate, who gets more? It's the people who perform well. Oh, you perform well? Okay,

00:11:07.860 well, here's more. You know, it's not the person who's sitting there just doing nothing, right? So

00:11:14.340 it's like there is this constant programming of it that we, I think it's societal. And, and again,

00:11:22.840 if we have any sort of like, anxious energy, discomfort with ourselves, we, we don't easily

00:11:30.340 connect with people. It's uncomfortable for I do this all the time. Like I pay attention in grocery

00:11:35.920 lines often, you know, like I do not pull out my phone. But you're right, everybody in line is on

00:11:42.980 their phone. And so really, like, it's, it's, I think we're avoiding each other a little bit,

00:11:49.200 you know, avoidance thing. Yeah, I love that when you said that there's like a connection issue.

00:11:55.020 Absolutely. That after the pandemic, when we spent so much of our time behind screens, children, so we

00:12:03.660 are seeing the effects of that in our schools, when children are missing particular skills that they

00:12:10.680 would have developed in those particular years of their life, when they were younger, are now in the

00:12:18.200 older grades in like elementary school, and now aren't capable of particular skills that they

00:12:26.200 should, that they should be, but are extremely delayed. And that I find that I want to be able

00:12:33.860 to engage with people by saying, Hey, you know, I'm, can I give you a call? Can I call you? And

00:12:40.120 there, and it's like, No, no, I'm just going to text you an email. Like, that's all. And it's like,

00:12:45.340 I know, but for me, I can't communicate the energy of who I am, yes, through a text or email. And I

00:12:55.360 have experienced where I have communicated something in in a heart centered way, and it was taken

00:13:02.260 completely opposite, where instead, the response was very aggressive. And I'm like, Oh, my God, like,

00:13:10.200 what happened? And then, you know, then my daughter says, Well, Mom, you didn't put enough emojis.

00:13:18.840 And then, and therefore, they didn't know, you know, the intent of your words. And I'm like, No,

00:13:24.520 I just because I grew up in a time where we spent hours on a phone, I don't know about you, but to say,

00:13:31.240 we had the one family phone on an extremely long, long cord, I was talking to your friend, if you know,

00:13:42.920 your family didn't interrupt you, right? Yes. But now it's like, you can't get people on a phone.

00:13:48.840 Yeah, yeah. Well, nobody picks up the phone, like we've become so distrustful. Right. And I guess,

00:13:55.640 you know, in some degree, with good reason, because there is like, every corner, like there

00:14:01.160 is lots of scams, and, and people have been victimized and stuff like that. But also, like

00:14:06.600 you said, the pandemic, I think is, you know, made people be afraid of people. So, so we're not

00:14:14.840 connecting. And there is this like loneliness epidemic. It's very interesting, because you said,

00:14:19.960 like, you have experience with kids, my son is 19. And last winter, I was listening to a reel on

00:14:26.600 Instagram. And it was a friend of mine, she was talking about how we have a loneliness epidemic.

00:14:31.160 And he was sitting, I, I wasn't close to him. But he just kind of like, rolled his eyes. And I was like,

00:14:39.160 what had you roll your eyes about that? And he's like, Well, he's like, don't tell me you didn't know

00:14:43.560 this. And I said, I did. But I didn't actually think that you would be present to that,

00:14:49.560 because of age. And he's like, Yeah, he said, Well, my group has been affected the most, like

00:14:55.080 they were in lockdowns when he was in grade nine. And a lot of kids, young adults now, like have

00:15:02.360 really lost the social skills. Yes. And so that was really eye opening to me to hear from his

00:15:08.520 perspective that, like, no, this is this is very real. Like, you know, this is like, my friend was

00:15:15.160 stating the obvious in her reel, you know. So so it is it is a very different dynamic. And even to

00:15:23.560 your point of phones, too, I was surprised that about a year ago, my son came to me, he's like,

00:15:29.960 put a lock on my phone. He's like, lock it. Tell me what it is. He's like, I don't want more than an

00:15:36.200 hour a day. Yes. And I was like, for him to have the awareness. Yes, absolutely. That's what I was

00:15:44.200 thinking. Because like, he's in university, and he's studying. And he's like, this is really

00:15:47.480 interfering with my life. Yes, yes. Absolutely. So what are some of the other things that you think,

00:15:55.160 if you had to think about, you know, the kind of overarching themes around some of the

00:16:02.920 areas that are contributing to our unhappiness? If you think, you know, with your clients, so like

00:16:11.640 busyness, you mentioned, overworking and burnout. Are there any other like really big themes you think

00:16:19.480 that are that are stopping people? Self abandonment for women, for sure. 1.00

00:16:25.160 Um, because we're just so available for everybody that, um, you know, we often say yes, when we want

00:16:36.040 to say no, um, we're very much disconnected from what it is that we want. Like, what would I love my

00:16:42.680 day to look like? We're, we're not starting our days in that way. Um, and, and I think what's really

00:16:51.400 getting in the way of happiness for a lot of my clients is by the time they come to me, they've

00:16:56.040 done 15 years of therapy, they've read all the books, they've listened to all the podcasts.

00:17:01.640 Information is not the problem. It's an integration that's missing. Like they want transformation,

00:17:09.160 they want integration, but they're just collecting information. And that becomes very overwhelming to

00:17:15.880 the point of like being anxiety producing, which it's exhausting. And, and I mean, exhaustion to me

00:17:22.680 doesn't equal happiness, not in my world. So, um, so that in itself is like that, that information

00:17:33.640 overload and the fact that it's coming from every angle and every, and especially like this time of

00:17:38.120 year, um, you know, like everybody is selling you lose 10 pounds, like you said, because as women too,

00:17:44.520 you know, face yoga, you lose 10 pounds, right? Like do all these things. It's like, oh my God,

00:17:51.880 like enough, you know, like what do I really want? Yes. Yes. It's overwhelming. Absolutely. And so can

00:18:00.280 we dive into that just, just a little bit more around, you know, what, what to say? I'm, I think

00:18:07.240 that's, that's the truth that it's almost like, as you get older, you know what to do, but there seems

00:18:13.480 to be a disconnect between, you know, doing it. And so I just actually wrote, um, an editorial for

00:18:21.880 one of the magazines that I, uh, that I write for about what happens to us in February, because it's,

00:18:27.800 it's, it's going to be published in February and that at that time, many of the, you know,

00:18:32.920 new year's resolutions that we've set up for ourselves that we've now fallen off the bandwagon. 0.97

00:18:37.960 And in the past for me, I have shit on myself when that happens. So Teresa, you know, you have no 0.98

00:18:48.040 will. I always go that Teresa, you have no willpower. You, you have, why can't you, why can't you be

00:18:54.040 strong? Why can't you stick to your commitments? Why are you so weak? So I get into a lot of

00:19:02.040 self-criticism. I become again, my, my worst critic instead of my greatest cheerleader.

00:19:10.680 Um, and I start to go into all of that shaming and, and all of that. And so,

00:19:18.760 and because it's been so much a part of the motivation behind me achieving all the things,

00:19:25.720 right. That we're often so hard on ourselves because we need to do it all. As you said,

00:19:31.880 we, um, there's a lot of pressure put on us too. I think as women, we're brought more so into the

00:19:40.600 workplace and outside the homes, more pressure to like to be in, in, you know, in a lot of these, um,

00:19:48.600 in kind of the patriarchy that we live under. Right. So a lot of different attributes and

00:19:53.160 characteristics ended up being adopted and becoming normalized for women. Um, as you said, 0.98

00:19:59.000 you know, the boss bitch or for, you know, boss babe, maybe, but I, but some people, right. To 1.00

00:20:05.800 say, I don't really resonate. I resonate more with the boss babe part than I do within the boss bitch, 1.00

00:20:11.000 because it has characteristics that I don't, I don't particularly find all that attractive in 0.98

00:20:16.760 anybody, nevermind women. And so, um, when I think about all that pressure that we put on ourselves 0.99

00:20:25.800 to achieve all the things and to be perfect and to do it, right. It it's a lot. And so, um,

00:20:34.040 as you said, at this time of the year, we're inundated with so much information that we know what to do.

00:20:39.880 Um, I feel like I know what to do, but then I start to go into this mode of Teresa, you know, 0.99

00:20:46.920 you're such a loser. How come you, you can't stick to anything? 0.99

00:20:54.120 Yeah, that's, uh, that's compassion for that part. Like, I'm just like, oh my gosh,

00:21:00.920 like it just breaks my heart. Cause I've used to have that self-talk too. Like so bad, so bad.

00:21:06.440 Um, and it's, it's been, it probably took me a good decade to unravel it so that it doesn't really

00:21:12.680 show up for me anymore. But, uh, you know, when, especially when I hear women say, well, why do I, 0.97

00:21:19.720 why do I keep doing that? Or why can't I stick to that? It's, you know, like, even when you think

00:21:24.520 about the word, why, you know, it's just like, we just kind of like back up against the wall and like,

00:21:30.280 I did something wrong. I'm being reprimanded again now by myself. So, um, but it's like,

00:21:36.680 instead of that, what needed to heal, like what needs to be looked at? Like the reason why I'm not

00:21:45.480 doing something that I know is good for me just tells me that there is something that I still

00:21:50.920 need to learn, you know, in the not doing of it. Right. Um, and so like this year, I'm really

00:22:00.840 working with, with my clients around identity and standards. And, um, my company is called the

00:22:08.520 sovereign legacy group because I really come to like in 2025 was like an unraveling year for me.

00:22:15.240 It was just everything fell apart, um, in the most beautiful way, because I also realized that there

00:22:24.200 are so many tools in my toolbox. I'm like, what about going back to basics? What about,

00:22:30.600 you know, instead of buying into this new shiny and the latest trend and the, you know, trendy language

00:22:37.720 and whatever, what about going back to the things that worked 10 years ago and, and forget fricking

00:22:44.200 sexy. Like me, calm is sexy. Peace is sexy. Joy is sexy. Structure is sexy. Boring is fricking sexy,

00:22:53.240 but we're trying to like, we, again, it's like, we're being conditioned that it just needs to be

00:22:58.600 all this stuff. And then we beat ourselves up because who can keep up with all of it?

00:23:03.000 Yeah. Yeah. We can't, it's too much. Yeah. It's too much. Yeah. So that, that totally makes sense.

00:23:10.840 Um, so what, what do we, so part of the editorial that I wrote is, is kind of, as you said, you know,

00:23:18.600 even the word why is, is really going back to the type of goals and resolutions that we have for

00:23:25.320 ourselves to say, but are these even mine? And so I feel like you just, you know, you just address that

00:23:31.160 by saying, you know, when you look at what's trending, you go on social media and everybody's

00:23:34.920 talking about it and you, and you're having some FOMO and you think, oh, if I don't do it,

00:23:39.560 I'm going to get left behind. And maybe they know something that I don't. And, and so you get

00:23:45.000 all caught up in this, like this whirlwind of, of what everybody else is doing instead of just

00:23:51.080 coming back to basics and coming back to ourselves. And so, um, some of the things that I noted in there

00:23:57.240 that can, can be the reason behind why we fell off is that that's some of it. Some of the goals we set

00:24:05.640 are ones that are actually more so what we see on the outside than ones that, that are right for us.

00:24:15.160 Sometimes we even sabotage ourselves. And I'm sure you've seen this with some of your work too,

00:24:21.000 that even though on a cognitive level, we say, oh, I deserve it. I deserve the best. I deserve the

00:24:26.680 best relationship. I deserve, you know, whatever it is that, that we're, we're pining for, but then yet

00:24:33.400 there's like a level inside of us that thinks that, that we're not enough and that, that we're not

00:24:39.560 worthy of some of the goals that we, that we might set. Um, and that's where some of that deeper work

00:24:46.680 happens because as you said, when I was just sharing, you know, some of that self-talk that, you know, me too,

00:24:54.200 I've been working on, on rewriting for like over a decade, but when you've lived most of your life

00:25:01.880 with a particular narrative, that's been going through your head on a repeat it. Now I can be,

00:25:08.120 I'm consciously aware of when it happens. And I have to think about Teresa, you know, is what you're

00:25:13.640 saying to yourself true? You know, is it real? All of the different, you know, going through all of the

00:25:18.040 different tools at that point. Um, but you know, we can get caught in, in some of that because on a

00:25:26.040 deep level, we don't love ourselves the way that we should. That it's a hundred percent. Like, I think

00:25:33.400 that when we get to the absolute knowing of who we are and when we can stand, I say naked because

00:25:47.720 then like, you know, we want to pick ourselves apart, but if you can make it like emotionally

00:25:52.600 and physically by yourself with yourself and look at yourself and like, say, I love you.

00:25:58.840 Like, I really freaking love you. You know, when we can get to that point, then it's,

00:26:06.200 everything just becomes so much more beautiful. And I think it's, that's where that happiness lives.

00:26:14.360 Like that's where, that's where it was born for me is when I could finally love and accept myself.

00:26:20.600 Yes. And it wasn't about what my hair look like, or, you know, what my makeup look

00:26:27.640 like, what my clothing look, what the number on the scale said. I know that when we connected,

00:26:31.880 I told you like 15 years ago, I just got weighed at the doctor last week and I'm like, Oh God,

00:26:40.120 I love myself. I don't need to know the number, but I know that the number can still F with my mind.

00:26:45.240 I know. Oh, me too. Totally. Totally. It does. So, especially after the holidays, it's like,

00:26:54.120 it's wreaking a bit of havoc on me. Yeah. But what you were saying with the self-sabotage,

00:27:00.120 so I've actually, it's funny. Cause I just finished the rereading, um, the big leap for like that. And I

00:27:07.000 I don't know which hundredth time, because I was like, okay, there is something with these upper

00:27:12.920 limits and our, uh, in our, um, our nervous system capacity. And, um, because I'm kind of in the place

00:27:20.200 with my, with my clients is like, we're not adding more, we're building capacity. Like we need to build

00:27:25.240 capacity. And, um, yesterday I had a very interesting experience, which I was kind of applying what,

00:27:36.120 what, uh, what I'm talking about. I was raised with criticism. Like I come from a communist country,

00:27:42.360 you know, immigrated as a young teenager, hardworking parents, whatever, but their motivation

00:27:48.360 was through criticism. So criticism doesn't touch me. I'm, I'm, I have massive capacity for criticism,

00:27:58.200 yet good or bad. But where it touches me is when people show deep gratitude and

00:28:05.800 appreciation for me, I used to like, not be able to freaking handle it. I would go into like a shaking,

00:28:13.400 crying mess. Like I just, I couldn't even hold it. And yesterday I got a card in the mail from one of

00:28:19.720 my friends in the UK, I guess. Well, I remember that she and I had a conversation on October 21st.

00:28:25.400 I did not realize that she made a decision after that conversation to take something on that now she

00:28:32.760 sent me a card and she's like, do not open it until January 10th. Cause this was how long she was

00:28:38.280 doing this, this program with herself. And it was just deep appreciation and gratitude. And she says,

00:28:44.920 you don't know how much that conversation, like it literally changed me. You were the answer to a

00:28:49.880 prayer I spoken and I didn't even know. And, and I started crying.

00:28:54.200 Yeah, it's beautiful. But I sat down, I was like, I read it. And this is what I meant about like

00:29:01.080 earlier when I was talking about taking space. I sat, I have a little bench in my dining room table

00:29:07.400 by the window. And I just, I just cried. And I'm like, I'm just going to feel this and I'm not going

00:29:14.440 to make any stories about it. And I'm just going to enjoy the, I'm just going to let it in. We're just

00:29:19.720 going to let it in and it passed, you know, like I'm sure you've heard. And I think I might've even

00:29:25.400 heard you say that it takes 90 seconds. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly. It's exactly how quickly

00:29:31.560 that integrates, but I need to allow space to have it land in my body. So I need more capacity

00:29:39.960 for these beautiful things to come in. And, um, and so it was just like, like in real time. And I'm

00:29:47.000 like, holy shit, like that's still there, you know, but when I used to be like, oh my God, like, 0.94

00:29:53.240 why is it that I cry so easily? And why, you know, like that's gone now. It's like, I'm like, okay, 0.96

00:29:57.960 I'm going to just be with this. I'm going to enjoy and take in this beautiful expression of thanks

00:30:03.960 that I received from my friend and just let it land so that I can receive more because I used to, 0.97

00:30:10.120 I used to be afraid of it because I didn't want to sit down in public and look like a fool. And, 0.96

00:30:14.920 you know, I had all the stories. Right. So yeah. It's beautiful. And so I, I'm going to look at

00:30:21.000 that as like one strategy, right. To just, you know, to just sit and to just be, and to let it

00:30:27.960 integrate. And so what are some other, what are some other tools or strategies that you might offer

00:30:35.000 some of your clients? Um, I love, I call it the neutral bridge technique because, um, sometimes,

00:30:49.880 and again, we read about this a lot, say the affirmations, make the positive statements. Well,

00:30:55.320 we have all heard about the reticular activating system. It's a BS detector. So if I go and I start

00:31:03.320 spewing positive statements at myself, but no part of me believes it in any way, shape or form

00:31:09.560 for me in the past, it's been more anxiety producing than have a positive effect.

00:31:14.760 So I like this neutral bridge where I just make a neutral statement. So when it comes to like,

00:31:23.000 for example, um, a lot of my clients have a hard time delegating things and, um,

00:31:29.880 and so they don't ask for help because they think that, um,

00:31:33.320 um, that they're the only ones who can do it right, for example. And, uh, and so,

00:31:41.720 so I still encourage them to ask for help. And when it's received even, and, and when somebody does

00:31:48.040 a task and it's not perfect, just practicing saying, thank you for handling it, you know,

00:31:55.400 like make it because we can, that can still be true. Like, thank you for handling it. And then just

00:32:01.400 notice what comes up because some, because we, we have to work through the stuff that works up,

00:32:06.040 that comes up. So it's something, you know, around like, oh my gosh, like they missed the spot here or

00:32:15.720 get over there. Trust me, I've been that person. So it's just like, yeah, it doesn't have to be

00:32:22.280 perfect and I can receive their help and it doesn't have to be perfect. Right. Um, and, and there are,

00:32:29.240 and there are also tasks that I think we, um, again, I'm, I'm, I'm just totally using myself as a,

00:32:37.000 as a case study, but, um, I'm very particular about certain things, but other things I'm not

00:32:42.360 that particular about. So I delegate the stuff I'm not particular about and then it works and then I'm

00:32:49.640 not overwhelmed and I don't have to worry about how this was done or that was then. Um, but, uh, yeah,

00:32:57.480 like other things with, you know, to the negative self-talk, like if we catch ourself in the negative

00:33:03.800 self-talk or if we catch ourself in that masculine energy all the time, we're, we're at home and

00:33:08.920 instead of being with our kids, we're managing them, we're problem solving, we're controlling.

00:33:13.960 What if, what if I could just be here without needing to fix anything? You know, again, like just

00:33:21.480 kind of finding a neutral place because it's sometimes very difficult. Like again, especially

00:33:27.240 if we're in problem solving and controlling all the time, that's an adaptive behavior from

00:33:32.920 usually. And it's hard to just like turn it off, you know, and we have to, it's practice. So

00:33:40.520 what would it feel like to just be here without having to fix anything and just get curious what

00:33:45.960 it would feel like you don't have to do anything, but we can start rewiring our brain to again, like

00:33:53.560 not be so hyper in overdrive all the time. It's interesting to think about some of the needs

00:34:05.560 that are being met through those behaviors, right? So as an educator, I have seen groups of young girls,

00:34:13.480 girls, um, where there is one girl that's a little more on the controlling side and she is the one, 1.00

00:34:20.760 the commander that's telling everyone else, this is where we're going. This is what we're doing.

00:34:25.800 And you're playing with us and you're not playing and, and all of that, the one that's kind of running

00:34:30.360 the show. And then the other ones that are all playing along, right? So it's interesting when you go back

00:34:35.960 to who we were as children and why we may have adopted particular characteristics and attributes

00:34:46.840 because of the environments that we were growing up in because of the adults in our life and particular

00:34:56.280 care, you know, characteristics or behaviors that we were around and why we may have adopted some of those

00:35:03.880 things. Um, that in oftentimes it may have been, you know, for safety and security reasons, right?

00:35:12.200 When we think about, you know, from a survival perspective, how we think we may have to behave

00:35:17.480 in order for us to be loved, liked and accepted by other people. For me, it was more about shrinking,

00:35:25.160 shrinking, becoming that I was, I'm an Aries. So I have a very, I would say a pretty big personality,

00:35:34.200 with a lot of energy. And I was always, you know, that little girl that was trying to

00:35:40.760 recruit everybody to like, Hey, let's do this. And let's do, let's be loud and let's be dancing and

00:35:46.600 let's be high energy and let's be. And then over the, it was like, no, that's too much trees that

00:35:51.240 you're too much. You're too much. You're too much, you're too much, a whole bunch of different aspects

00:35:54.520 of myself. I was just too much, too much, too much, or I wasn't enough of different things.

00:35:59.480 Right.

00:35:59.800 Right.

00:36:00.040 So that all then all led to me becoming an adult, I would say, who played small in various ways,

00:36:07.800 because I was told I was too much. And which I now recognize are all very, very beautiful

00:36:15.880 qualities. And that if I didn't have those qualities, I wouldn't be able to do the work

00:36:20.040 that I'm doing today. And that the work that I'm doing today is revealing to me the beauty of those

00:36:27.880 qualities that I had that, that I squashed out of that had been squashed. And that I also just buried

00:36:36.360 them under like, a whole bunch of layers that weren't so positive. And now that I'm taking off

00:36:44.280 those layers, I'm able to rediscover a lot of those traits that I now remember of me as a little girl.

00:36:52.840 And so all of that came back to me when you were just, you know, talking about, you know, what you

00:37:01.480 were sharing? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it's, it's, it's amazing. Like this work is so layered. It's

00:37:09.480 so layered. Because like, even when you're saying about playing small, again, it comes from different

00:37:16.200 places. Like you, you were told like you were too much. So then you dim yourself. I remember,

00:37:22.760 I actually like just was journaling about it two days ago, because I'm like, what the hell? Like,

00:37:27.400 what is this with me shrinking too? And I realized it wasn't even in childhood,

00:37:33.160 because I was parentified as a child. So I always, like I said, like, very resourceful, very,

00:37:39.080 like, I get shit done, because I had to. Yeah. But I had a mother who was very, 0.97

00:37:45.880 have a mother who is very externally looks focused. And when I was a young woman, like in my

00:37:53.400 early twenties, we would go somewhere, like my ex-husband and I would go somewhere with my

00:38:04.600 parents and people would say to my mom, like they use this, we're Polish. And they use this word that

00:38:10.920 like, they just thought I was like stunning or something. And my mom couldn't handle it

00:38:15.960 because the attention was not on her anymore. Wow. And, uh, and so I, like, I was like a lit.

00:38:23.640 And so this, I'm 50 this year. So just like, look how long it takes to like realize certain things.

00:38:29.080 And I'm like, oh my God, I never put two and two together, you know, but I just, I never wanted

00:38:36.600 to have to manage her feelings when people appreciate me. Right. So, so then I, I, again,

00:38:44.520 like you just, we self-sabotage in those ways because you know, there was like, and this was

00:38:49.560 all unconscious, but I'm like, yeah, I found it very, very challenging to manage her emotions and

00:38:55.560 try to pacify her not feeling good about herself. Yeah. So it's amazing what we do. Yeah. Yeah.

00:39:04.840 And that's why I think that working with a coach, right. Can, can try to reveal some of those,

00:39:12.040 those layers that we to peel, that we need to peel back to reveal more about the authentic self. And so

00:39:20.920 I would love to leave off on just maybe talking about the authentic self that, um, I, ironically,

00:39:28.760 I'm delivering my third TEDx talk, uh, thank you in, in February. And it's about staying authentic in the

00:39:37.160 age of AI and digital technologies. And it cites some, uh, latest research around how, around authenticity

00:39:47.240 and how we can figure out who that is. Like who is the authentic Teresa, who is the authentic self for us

00:39:57.480 based on an external checklist. So if we bring this, you know, conversation full circle, this external

00:40:04.280 checklist of, you know, what it would mean to be, you know, the, let's say our perfect self, but it's

00:40:09.880 not actually a definition of perfect self for us, but one that was dictated by, you know, external forces

00:40:17.000 and people. And so what do you, when, cause you alluded to the authentic self too, and how important that is

00:40:23.720 and, and self love is right there beside it. Um, but so what would you say to that?

00:40:29.560 Yeah. So I think until we connect to, and like I said, fully accept ourselves, like all parts of us

00:40:39.560 from as far as we can, as far back as we can remember without judgment, but bring love and

00:40:46.120 compassion and integrate those parts of ourselves that maybe we weren't proud of in the past. Like

00:40:52.360 you said, like we've all had our dark moments, um, and understanding again, when we understand,

00:41:01.240 um, where it came from, we can now do something about it, but we still have to do some integration

00:41:07.240 work. But to me, authenticity, like when I think for, you know, like back in the day, I used to wear masks

00:41:17.240 masks and, and I was whoever you needed me to be wherever I went and people freaking loved me.

00:41:24.360 And, uh, and I would come home and not feel alone. And the conversation I would have was like, well,

00:41:30.760 they don't know me. Yes. Guess what? I'm not me when I'm out there. Yeah. So it's getting to the

00:41:38.040 congruency where you're the same person here with you. Right. It's you. When I go to the grocery

00:41:45.960 store and I interact with the cashier or when I'm getting a coffee or when I'm with my son or with

00:41:51.400 my friends, it's like, that's the, that's the authenticity. It's that's how I think we can gauge

00:41:57.080 is like, am I the same person in all those settings or would people say, oh, well, you don't, you know,

00:42:04.120 like you act like this over here, but you act like this over here. Well, then we know that there is a

00:42:10.120 mismatch or something like we're managing something and really until we can show up in

00:42:16.360 congruence with who we truly are, we will never have authentic relationships. People don't know us

00:42:24.040 of who we truly are, the good, bad, and the ugly and the amazing. Um, then we're not connecting,

00:42:31.560 like we're not letting people in. And so, you know, like there is like, I, that's probably the most

00:42:37.240 vulnerable work that we do is letting other people be seen. And I think it really starts,

00:42:44.840 you know, like I encourage my, uh, my clients to find one or two safe people that they can start

00:42:51.560 practicing with, that they know, like, they're not going to be judged. They're not going to be

00:42:56.200 abandoned. Cause again, those are fears and legitimate ones. Yes. Um, and then when we can gain

00:43:03.560 evidence that, you know, what people actually do love me for who I am. And, and the same time,

00:43:10.040 we have to practicing loving ourselves for who we are. Yeah. And, and then, you know, it builds slowly,

00:43:15.720 but, but it's so doable. And I think so necessary, particularly with, like you were saying AI,

00:43:23.480 like, I don't want to spend my day talking to chat GPT. Like I like it for some things. Don't get me wrong.

00:43:35.080 Yes. I know that energy that you don't have it with an inanimate object, right? We have that. We,

00:43:44.680 we have that. And that does he not that there isn't an energy, but it's not the same energy

00:43:49.560 that we have as humans. Right. And so, and we need to have that energy matched by, by like,

00:43:56.680 like attracts, like, and so it's just not the same. It's not the same. I appreciate everything

00:44:02.360 that you just shared, because again, it is so, it is exactly my story. And I love, um, you know,

00:44:08.840 about the wearing mask and trying to be the perfect wife and perfect employee and perfect. And it was

00:44:14.360 always like, who does Teresa need to be now? And then I adopted the characteristics that I thought

00:44:19.640 that that's what that almost like persona. Like when I was, you know, me as a teacher is like,

00:44:24.440 oh, that's what I need to look like. That's what she looks like. That's how she's, that's how she acts. 0.70

00:44:29.640 That's how she sounds. It's like, you have all, all of the different, um, hats to wear, like,

00:44:36.520 in each of these situations and you know what characteristics goes along with them.

00:44:40.600 Um, and that it is so exhausting and that when I, through, you know, me being at the lowest point

00:44:48.200 of my life, that that's where it led me to the lowest point of my life. And then me rebuilding

00:44:52.920 myself from there. And then I think when we're at the lowest point, we can only go up from there.

00:44:59.320 Right. And that, that process has been, as you said, me getting to know who that is, that I didn't

00:45:06.840 know who that was. Like, it wasn't like I had an idea to say, well, I could know who that was outside.

00:45:13.240 And now at home, I know, oh, I didn't know who that was now. The real Teresa, I had no clue because

00:45:19.480 the real Teresa was me wearing all of those different, those different masks. And now the

00:45:25.720 commitment I made to myself is that I would be that exact person. As you said, who I am with others

00:45:32.040 is who I am with myself. And it is, it is that work. Um, I'm going to say work because it is,

00:45:41.400 feels like work initially, but then eventually as the layers start to get peeled back,

00:45:48.600 that vulnerability that takes so much strength to have people see you for like

00:45:56.760 all aspects of you. Yeah. Yeah. And when you don't love all of those aspects,

00:46:07.800 there's, there's a lot of fear there because you're like, we all want, I think, uh, you know,

00:46:13.640 what is it that we all, we all want happiness, I believe is like the foundation piece, but,

00:46:20.200 but more deeper than that is in, you know, I once heard Tony Robbins, you know, say this too,

00:46:25.800 is that we all want to be loved and by others and to love others too. That is the deep desire and the

00:46:33.720 deep need that we have. And so I think the fear is if people see something about us that they,

00:46:41.000 that they won't like, that they won't love us. And that we'll just be left destitute because that

00:46:47.640 desire for connection that you're talking about is real, is so real. And that I think when people

00:46:54.920 aren't having the face to face connection, they're resorting to like chat GPT as the substitute,

00:47:01.720 but it is only ever a substitute. It is, it is a substitute. And I actually listened to a podcast

00:47:08.440 couple of weeks ago and I just short, short clip it of it. And he was saying like, we're creating

00:47:15.400 like people, narcissistic people with, because what did it do? And like, I always laugh with my son.

00:47:25.400 I'm like, you know, like I'll correct it. Cause even when I'm doing research and stuff and I'll be like,

00:47:29.880 ah, that's wrong. You know, and they'll be like, you're right. Yes. Yeah. Do I need somebody to just

00:47:37.240 constantly validate me? Like, and it's not even a somebody like it's, it's, I know. Right. Yes.

00:47:44.760 Yes. We have to acknowledge that, that it, that though, the, you know, learning management system

00:47:49.960 that they're, they're programmed on have that positivity bias. So it will constantly reaffirm,

00:47:56.920 which is, I believe, and I've said the same thing that it's creating narcissists, but what it's,

00:48:01.640 what it's also doing is just creating like another version of yourself because as it trains, it's on

00:48:10.360 its memory about everything. It knows about you. It's actually just creating like an, a digital version

00:48:17.560 of you, which is why I think people have an affinity towards it because, oh, it understands me. Yeah.

00:48:24.120 Because it's, it's actually just always regurgitating more of yourself to yourself.

00:48:29.720 And so that's why you feel like you're so understood, which, which is, which is really

00:48:35.080 scary. And there was, um, you know, I'm the editor of a magazine and there was an, an article that,

00:48:41.080 you know, came across by email that said, do you want to run a story about a woman who married her AI

00:48:47.400 Oh my God. And her whole, and her whole ceremony is online. If you want them like, no, I don't want

00:48:53.960 to watch someone who married a machine, which is really a version of herself because all, all it's

00:49:02.200 ever doing is just confirming you over and over and over again, which I think ultimately, you know,

00:49:07.880 we could have a generation of, of narcissists that have been, you know, using it from, from very young

00:49:14.760 ages. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It makes sense. Yeah. Um, so I don't want to end off on that note, but, uh,

00:49:25.000 Kasia, I would love for people to be able to connect with you, um, and know more about, you know, your, the

00:49:30.760 work that you do and so how can they do that? Uh, yeah, so a best way to, um, to reach me is probably

00:49:37.960 on Instagram at sovereignty group, the, the sovereign legacy group, um, and also on LinkedIn,

00:49:44.600 Kasia Bradford, just, just my name. Um, so I work with clients in a private capacity only, like I only

00:49:52.440 do one-on-one work and, um, I've shifted to that because everyone is so individual and just kind of like

00:49:59.560 what we talked about, um, with, you know, our programming and our individual life story,

00:50:06.600 that's what has us be who we are. And that's what I found like over the years, that's where I get the

00:50:12.920 best results. So I don't actually have, um, I do have a website, um, sovereignlegacy.ca, um, but, um,

00:50:22.440 my offerings are not there because everything leads to a conversation that, um, if we're a good fit,

00:50:28.040 we will work together. And if I'm not the right fit, I'm happy to always recommend resources.

00:50:33.560 And that's why I love connecting with people like you, because like, I have you on my resource list

00:50:38.520 and I've interviewed in the past because I'm also like, I'm not the best mentor for everybody. I'm,

00:50:44.040 I'm quite direct. I'm quite direct. I really, I really want people to get out of their poop,

00:50:51.400 you know, and move, move on with life. So we don't spend a lot of time to, we spend six to 12 months.

00:50:56.920 And then, then we're on our way because I'm really after again, that integration and transformation.

00:51:02.760 I'm not interested in any more information because I don't think we need any more information. It's all

00:51:07.800 over YouTube. So we can always find that. Right. So, um, yeah, I agree. Thank you so much. Thank you.

00:51:16.440 Thank you so much for being on the show, um, today and sharing all of your wisdom and,

00:51:21.640 and your light and, and energy with us. Thank you so much, Teresa. It's been such a pleasure.

00:51:26.280 So great to see you again.

Chasing Success Doesn't Always Bring Happiness

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