True Patriot Love

00:00:00.000 Hi, I'm Teresa Greco, the host of The Happy Hour. We're on the show. We talk about the

00:00:08.880 things that can help us to live our happiest lives physically, mentally, emotionally, and

00:00:13.800 spiritually. On the show today, I have a great friend of mine, Kevin McElmore. Welcome to the

00:00:22.520 show. Well, thank you, T. How are you doing, Ms. Greco? And thank you to your audience for

00:00:28.900 allowing me to take up time in your space. A little awkward because normally I'm used to

00:00:35.760 having you as a guest. I'm not used to being on a guest. So hopefully you can hold my hand to this

00:00:41.500 period. You're just being humble. You're just being humble. So Kevin, why don't you tell everybody a

00:00:49.500 little bit about yourself? All right. So my name is Kevin McElmore. I am, from what people say,

00:00:55.880 a nationally recognized motivator, master level fitness professional here at Lifetime Athletics

00:01:02.240 in the USA. I'm an author, four-time author, an award-winning author, podcast host of two podcasts,

00:01:09.960 Talking With Kevin and Son, and Sunday Motivations with Kevin and Friends. I'm also a lyricist,

00:01:18.380 as you know, written a song for you. And I am what I call a serious entrepreneur, or better known as

00:01:25.100 a professional risk taker. So most of my friends says, you know, my biggest strength is my ability

00:01:31.020 to reinvent myself while remaining grounded to my faith, my family, and to serving others.

00:01:38.320 I live by these principles that have been passed down by my grandfather. He says, when you get to a

00:01:43.520 point in life that you can help someone else out, he said, it's your mission to do so. He said, reach

00:01:48.360 one, teach one. So with that mission, I allow my voice to encourage people, help people live beyond

00:01:56.880 their dreams, live with intentions. And I believe that discipline, vision, and consistent action can be

00:02:04.740 a game changer for everyone's life. Beautiful. Thank you so much. Thank you. So I hope that today,

00:02:12.460 in your presence, you'll be motivating many of us to live our happiest life today.

00:02:18.140 Well, the biggest thing is, and my biggest fear is, I'm probably one of the most direct,

00:02:24.300 honest people that you're going to meet. So hopefully, if people can handle my version of

00:02:28.920 the truth, and like I said, it's my version of the truth, then we're all in a good, safe place. I will

00:02:33.780 be honest with you. Awesome. So Kevin, why don't you tell us a little bit about your story, which

00:02:40.060 I know you've gone through various hardships that you continue to live with, and it impacts you every

00:02:47.340 single day. And it's also part of the motivation for the work that you do today, too.

00:02:53.440 Well, you know, I'm going to rebuild that question that, or the statements you made, because

00:03:00.940 the things that I went through that most people will consider hardships, I try not to speak about,

00:03:07.180 I, you know, when I'm speaking, and when we're taught to speak, you talk about the valleys,

00:03:11.200 and then you talk about where you come from. Life gives us struggles for a reason. And when we come

00:03:18.680 out of those struggles, there's a reason why there's always sunrise and a sunset after a storm,

00:03:28.100 the day gets clearer. So I don't hold on to the fact that when I was younger, my third grade,

00:03:34.500 I came home, and to a surprise, my mother had relocated to Beverly Hills 9021, and our present

00:03:40.900 address was 559 Cedarhurst in Dayton, Ohio. She also took a traveling companion with her,

00:03:46.800 which happens to be the pastor of their church, of our church. And I could have sat and lived my life

00:03:53.380 with a woe as me, but it lit a fire under me, because I wanted more for my life. And I promised

00:03:59.620 myself even at an eight or nine year old, that when I had control over my life, and I can make

00:04:05.080 the decisions based on what brought me peace and happiness, that I was going to change. My decisions

00:04:10.860 from where my parents sat at that moment were decisions they made best for them. So I try not

00:04:17.320 to dwell on the things I can't control. And I stay focused on the steps that's in front of me instead

00:04:23.000 of the staircase. So many of you and I shared in our private conversations, I don't make public

00:04:33.520 anymore, because everyone, everyone has a story. Everyone has overcome hardship and traumas and so

00:04:41.960 forth. But the people that are in my circle are the people that have changed the channel from the life

00:04:49.000 they didn't have control over, and adjusted and fine tuned and start streaming in life they have

00:04:53.980 control over. So I don't know if that answers your question. I don't know if it took away from the

00:04:59.200 drama of setting my life up. But you know, what's behind me is behind me for a reason. What's in front

00:05:06.160 of me is that dream that's about to come true. Well, thank you. Because I mean, even just what you

00:05:12.580 said, it, it's, it's a reframe that many people don't live by this idea that what happened to us is

00:05:24.600 in the past, and that we need to be focusing on the present moment and the life that we want to

00:05:31.820 create for our future. And that we do live as like victims rather than victors in our life. And it's

00:05:42.420 beautiful to, to hear you say, Well, I, I've chosen and you made that choice from a very young boy. What I

00:05:49.900 loved about that story, too, is, I think that as children, we'll we say that to ourselves, one day when I

00:05:56.860 become an adult, and I don't have to listen to, to like your mom and your dad, that you're going to

00:06:02.280 like, you know, make your own choices and live the life on your terms. And then you become an adult,

00:06:08.400 and you realize that you have so many responsibilities, and that your life isn't you, you believe, because

00:06:15.960 it's not true. But that you think, oh, you're gonna have so, so many freedoms and so many liberties

00:06:23.260 to be able to make all the choices that you want. But then as an adult, there are restrictions, you

00:06:28.140 have to go to work, because you have to make money, because you have to pay the bills. And you have to

00:06:33.180 come and I have to come home as a mom, I have to come home, I have cooking of all these responsibilities,

00:06:37.100 and I'm actually not as free as as I, I thought I would be when I was a little kid. And so I loved that

00:06:43.460 story, because I remember me too, feeling so restrained by my parents in many different aspects,

00:06:50.240 thinking that one day when I become an adult, but what in what really happened was that when they kept

00:07:01.120 telling me that I couldn't do this, and I couldn't do that, and I couldn't exhibit different things,

00:07:06.240 or different parts of myself in the way that I wanted to, it actually created almost like veils,

00:07:13.680 or I say cloaks, because it's almost like they hid me from myself every single time I was denied

00:07:21.360 a part of me, because I didn't, I wasn't able to like, to do something that I wanted to do. And

00:07:27.520 instead, they said, No, you need to be the good girl, you need to be the responsible girl, you needed

00:07:31.920 to be like, whatever, it was like, okay, and I just kept shutting down all those doors. And that

00:07:38.000 eventually, when I became an adult, it wasn't like, Oh, this big sense of freedom, it was actually

00:07:45.040 me so close to myself that I didn't even know who I was. And so I know I'm just going on on a little

00:07:52.000 bit of a tangent here. But the interesting part of that story is that it wasn't me being so super free

00:07:59.360 either. And so do you think that that little that story that happened to you allowed you to become an

00:08:06.720 adult where you felt super free? Or did you also feel like me that becoming an adult actually comes

00:08:13.600 with a lot of constraints? And we'll see, this is a difference between your conversation and my

00:08:22.800 experience. One of the things that I always say when when I'm speaking publicly publicly, that none of us

00:08:29.120 have an original story. The only difference in between my story and your story is the location,

00:08:35.440 your cast of characters, and the actions that follow how you came out of it.

00:08:40.320 Now, for me and my family, it grew up poor. I didn't know it until I was a freshman in high

00:08:44.240 school. No one told told me. But I constantly heard the conversation in my family from my uncles,

00:08:50.560 my coaches, and so forth, that they had to go out and get the world ready for me because the world

00:08:55.920 wasn't ready. I did not know it, what they meant as a youth. But my eighth grade teacher,

00:09:01.840 Ms. Barthony, who told me I was going to amount to nothing but a janitor. And I was a little bit of

00:09:07.280 a cutoff when I was in school. I did not know that I had a learning disability at that time. I was not

00:09:12.240 diagnosed. And my father and my parents refused to put me in special ed. But my grandfather always

00:09:19.840 taught us to be the best version of who we are every single day. And however you show up, that's how

00:09:26.480 people are going to receive you. So having someone tell me what I'm not going to become,

00:09:34.080 you know, that is not the finish line. That is not your relationship with your heart. That is not

00:09:39.520 the relationship with your life. And that is not where you are. And if you honestly show up as the

00:09:45.680 best version of yourself, sooner or later, every step you take will bring you closer to ultimately where

00:09:50.240 you want to be. So, you know, all my life, people, I'm a black man. And throughout history,

00:09:57.280 there's been a stereotype on people of color. I refuse to address those stereotypes. I refuse

00:10:05.520 to be limited by those stereotypes or those obstacles that are placed before me. My Uncle Bill told me,

00:10:12.640 he said, if someone builds a wall in front of you, he said, I want you to take a couple seconds and think

00:10:17.360 about it. Look at that wall. Question why that wall's there. And then question your motives.

00:10:22.720 What is on the other side of that wall? He says, well, you know, if the wall is too tall for you to

00:10:27.440 jump over it, he said, go try to go side to side. He said, in the event that either side is too long

00:10:32.560 for you to go around it, he says, you know, try to go through it. Now, we all know we run into things and

00:10:40.960 we struggle with life. But he says, when you get over the struggles, he says, don't give up. He said,

00:10:45.760 if you don't mind, I'm going to say this. He said, get a shovel and dig under the son of a 0.55

00:10:49.200 bitch. There's a brighter light on the other side. All right. So that's pretty much the way I live. 1.00

00:10:55.040 And luckily for me, sports put me in arena with other competitive people that were living lives.

00:11:00.800 You know, football and track got me a college education. My father said I couldn't they couldn't

00:11:06.800 afford to give me an education. I had to run fast and jump high and I did both. And I was good at both of

00:11:11.360 them. And so when you look at the things that other people tell you is where you place your value

00:11:18.640 when someone else's vision of you or the vision you see in front of you.

00:11:24.000 My life brighter from the days I open my eyes, not how you see me and how you see me.

00:11:30.240 But what happens, Kevin, when that vision for ourselves is unclear, that we're not quite sure what

00:11:36.560 that is that, you know, statistically in the age of of the ages between 18 to 29.

00:11:44.080 Right now, there's a lot of confusion about who we are, what what our identity is, and some other

00:11:52.000 things wrapped up in that, because we're in this time period when we're trying to figure out what that

00:11:57.440 is. And I think because we're trying to figure it out, we become very vulnerable to the opinions

00:12:04.320 of others around us. Luckily for you, you had there was a little inner voice inside you that said

00:12:12.560 almost like F you, you're not going to tell me what I'm going to be. I'm I'm going to be what I feel like

00:12:19.200 is being how I'm being guided from the inside. And was that always something that you were attuned to,

00:12:26.720 that there was this this inner voice that said, Okay, that's fine. That's your opinion. But that's

00:12:31.440 not where I'm going. Well, up until the point that I started having these internal conversations

00:12:38.640 with myself. And this is the reason why you hear that the phrase surround yourself with like minded

00:12:43.360 people. My grandparents were the people that were always pouring into me. My grandparents were

00:12:49.280 Ann and Joseph Phillips, as well as my Uncle Bill and cousin Ronnie. They were always telling me that

00:12:54.400 there was no limits of the things that I had available to me or the things I wanted out of

00:12:59.760 life unless I put limits on my on on on myself. You know, when I when I look at the fact, I didn't

00:13:08.560 have that voice. My my voice was always I can do never what I can. And my parents basically says,

00:13:16.480 go out there and do your your very best in the vintage your very best is not good enough for

00:13:22.800 everyone else. You still have to live with the decision that you have made for yourself. So,

00:13:28.640 you know, the first thing that I learned very early on is acceptance, who I am. And the first

00:13:34.160 conversation that happened in my house, I was a black man that happened to be free. I had three

00:13:39.840 relatives on three three generations of family. My grandfather, his father and his father was a

00:13:45.280 slave. I was not a slave. I was a free man. So, the acceptance of who I am at that very moment

00:13:51.120 and the opportunities that presented to me, the only thing that could stop me from achieving what I

00:13:56.400 wanted or what I wanted to be was me. And I accepted this from the time my mother left from the third grade

00:14:03.760 to the time I graduated from high school until I entered college. Now, the difference is is first

00:14:09.280 acceptance, creating a purpose as to what we call a why. Why do I want to do this? I've learned as an

00:14:15.920 adult is that every 10 years we discover a new why, a new purpose of why we exist, what we want out of

00:14:24.880 life and so forth. And that can be from happiness relationship to professional. And when I go back

00:14:29.920 to saying professional, there's never been one day of my life I've ever chased a dollar. I've never

00:14:35.840 taken on a job that I wasn't happy doing it. I never took on a job based on how much they paid me.

00:14:42.320 My ex-wife will tell you she hated me seeing that. I do not do anything in life. And I'll repeat,

00:14:49.120 I do not do anything in life unless it makes me happy. So, my purpose in life became very clear

00:14:55.520 as I started to grow up. I was really good at connecting people. I was grateful for the life that I

00:15:01.040 had. And my grandfather told me that if I could not stand by my word, the world will stand on your

00:15:08.240 chest and suffocate you. So, integrity and character meant everything to me. And those are things I still

00:15:13.440 live by today. Reach one, teach one, that's my grandfather taught me. Wow. Those are like such a,

00:15:19.840 I mean, just in the little bit of time that we've been talking, so many great lessons were imparted to you.

00:15:25.600 And, and you took them all because sometimes we could, we could be stubborn kids and say like,

00:15:32.160 Oh, what do you know? You're just an old man. What do you know? It's going to be different for me,

00:15:36.160 or I'm not going to do it that way. I'm going to do it my way. But somehow you took them all in. And,

00:15:41.920 and you've been living your life by these things. No, no, I will tell you, every aspect of my life

00:15:48.880 hasn't been joy for when you look out of it. I had to go through some stuff. You know,

00:15:54.720 you and I, we have talked about this. I had to teach myself to read twice in my lifetime. One by,

00:16:02.160 by choice and the other as I had no other option. The first time I was a junior in college about to

00:16:08.320 graduate from college and not knowing where my life was going to take me my senior year or after my

00:16:13.760 senior year, I realized that I did not read or write on the level of my junior year in college.

00:16:22.400 And lucky for me, pride aside, I found a young lady that was a little smitten by me that taught me,

00:16:28.960 and you know, without embarrassing me, taught me how to rewrite. All right. And Lord behold,

00:16:34.800 I always knew from a kid that I was going to write a book. I didn't know I was going to be an award-winning

00:16:39.840 author or four books. I always knew that I was going to be in some part of an entertainment or

00:16:44.800 media. I just didn't know when. That's the reason why I say every part of your life has a different

00:16:51.280 layer. The second time that I had to learn to read or write is that through playing football on each of

00:16:58.240 the levels that I played, I experienced multiple concussions. And on the 17th of, matter of fact,

00:17:04.400 it wasn't the 17th, it was 2017, March 2nd, I experienced a blow to my head that wiped out my

00:17:13.200 memory. I didn't know who my family was, didn't know who my children were. And lucky for me is that

00:17:19.520 after two weeks of sitting alone to myself, not being able to listen to light, music, see light,

00:17:27.120 have conversation or think or couldn't even make sense, I stuttered, stuttered horribly.

00:17:31.840 I went through, when I was finally left to myself at home, went in my office and my computer

00:17:38.800 always has a passcode on it, I opened it up and the first document says Kevin's stuff.

00:17:44.480 When I read it, and I read it very, very slowly, I walked into my family's room and asked, I said,

00:17:52.160 who had written this? And they said, you did. And it was my whole life. I have been journaling

00:17:58.720 from 1973 to the day I entered Roosevelt High School until I graduated from Roth High School

00:18:04.320 in 77, up until 2017, March 2nd, which March 1st was my last entry in my journal. I had started to

00:18:12.480 compile all of my life's experience into a book that I wrote, that I wrote called Indispensable

00:18:18.320 Games of X's and O's, how I learned everything about life. I learned playing high school football.

00:18:23.440 It taught me how to sentence structure, to write grammar and so forth. And I'm not really good at

00:18:29.600 it. All right. I fake it very well. Not really good at it. So the first thing is being honest with

00:18:33.840 yourself. But things happen for a reason. And my rationale was, I was busy doing too many things,

00:18:41.120 you know, the conversation that, you know, multitasking, trying to do this, trying to get a

00:18:45.920 certain thing, a milestone or setting goals. And I stopped doing that. It was God's way of pointing

00:18:51.760 me in the right direction. And his direction was to connect other people and make a difference in

00:18:56.400 other people's life. And that's how I started my podcasting career. Wow. Wow. Amazing. Now, Kevin,

00:19:03.840 what would you say to someone that, that would, might say or respond by saying, well, that's,

00:19:10.160 you know, maybe that's easy for you to say, you know, I'm going through this. And it's almost like

00:19:16.560 those people who aren't actually great listeners, that when you come to your friend and you're like,

00:19:21.200 oh, you know, I'm having a really hard time. And you, you know, you explain a little bit about what's

00:19:25.920 going on. And they're like, oh, wait to hear what's happening to me. And then they go on and on

00:19:32.400 and on about how their situation is way worse. And so what would you say to somebody that is stuck

00:19:39.360 in that victim mindset that, oh, you know, you don't, you don't, you think that that's bad,

00:19:44.560 Kevin, listen to all the stuff that I'm going through? What would you say to that?

00:19:49.280 Well, one, I'm going to say, if you are a person that can acknowledge that you have gone through

00:19:54.400 some stuff, I'm going to say congratulations. Because just like anything else, the first,

00:20:00.400 any way that you can make a change is to allow yourself to admit there's a problem before you,

00:20:08.160 there's a situation before you. You have to realize when people talk about happiness,

00:20:13.040 happiness is either emotional, physical, psychological, and sometimes environmental.

00:20:19.360 And there could be a lot of other mental things that that could be applied to it. And if a person

00:20:25.280 wants to change their life, they have to remember two things. Life is about chance and choices.

00:20:32.000 If they want to continue to recant the woe is me type of conversation, they'll figure out that the

00:20:40.080 audience will sooner or later dwindle. The phone calls that you normally get just to check on you

00:20:46.000 will stop coming as infrequent, as frequent as it did before. And you'll find out when someone asks you

00:20:52.400 how your day is going, they really don't want to know how your day is going because they know you're

00:20:55.600 going to tell them. So what I would tell someone, if they were going through and they said, well,

00:21:02.560 my life is this way, whatever, I'm just going to say to a person such as me, people that are doing

00:21:08.720 things that are living with purpose, that have an action plan, that accepted life for what it is,

00:21:14.960 that that person's thinking to themselves. And don't be surprised. They're just happy. It's not

00:21:21.840 happening to them. And that's why I said, I'm going to be honest with you, is that, you know,

00:21:30.640 people will stand and listen to your conversation as long as they can tolerate it. Once they get to

00:21:35.680 that boiling point, they become absent from your life. You'll become the back office gossip

00:21:42.240 of conversation. You'll be the person that won't get be invited to events and so forth. So what I'm

00:21:48.640 saying to individuals that's going through anything like that is that the struggle is real for all of

00:21:56.080 us. It's how you deal with the struggle. And believe it or not, if you get caught up in a storm,

00:22:02.160 you're never going to complain about sitting on the beach in the sun and a bathing suit getting a

00:22:07.120 sun tan when it's summer and you're getting a sun tan or hiking out there with your friends,

00:22:12.240 you're not going to remember how rough it is when you start to appreciate life that's being presented

00:22:16.640 before you right now. So go ahead. So do you have part, do you have any steps that you might share

00:22:25.040 about how you can get to the point of somebody taking that responsibility, acknowledging what the

00:22:34.480 circumstances are, like for themselves, having that agency instead of pointing fingers at everybody

00:22:40.800 else and saying, you know, what was me and you know, if only things were different, if only you were

00:22:46.400 different, if only the situation was different, then it would be different for me. That how does somebody

00:22:53.200 get to that idea of, you know, making lemonade from a whole bunch of lemons? Do you have any

00:23:00.640 strategies or tips around doing that? Yes. I don't know the strategies or tips. It's just common sense.

00:23:07.360 When you get to a point that you get tired of being kicked in the face, what do you do?

00:23:11.680 You start covering up your face. When you get to a point that you're so disgusted with the way your life

00:23:17.760 is, you make changes. You make it stop. Just like being in a bad relationship. And we've all been in

00:23:24.960 bad relationships. And if you are not in that same relationship, you've moved on. You know, the real

00:23:31.120 solution to making change is basically acceptance before improvement. Accept where you are, who you are,

00:23:40.400 what you can and cannot control. You have purpose over pleasure. Because pleasure fades. Purpose is sustained.

00:23:50.640 Ask yourself, who am I becoming? And who can I help? And how can I help myself? So if I would come

00:23:57.680 with an action plan, I would basically say, practice acceptance. Okay, clarify your purpose. Strengthen your

00:24:05.840 connections or your relationships. Train in a space of not immediate gratitude, but delayed gratitude.

00:24:16.640 Live in alignment with what you believe, what you love, and your faith. And I would say slow down. Chill.

00:24:24.240 Drop your phone. Not check emails so much. Take a walk in the park. Breathe some fresh air.

00:24:31.280 Smell the roses. Hold the hand of someone that you've missed. Listen to a song that you played

00:24:39.360 when you were young. And have a glass of tea. Summertime tea on your porch and just relax.

00:24:47.520 All right? Because we all learned through COVID. Connections matter. We simplify. COVID was probably

00:24:53.200 the most honest experience that happened to any of us. Because we realized that one,

00:24:57.680 the partner that you had was either a partner that you had for life or the partner you chose for the

00:25:05.840 life that you had. You realized the other thing, the children that you had, now you got to learn

00:25:10.880 how to take care of your own children. Most of us have childcare and everything else. Now take care of

00:25:16.240 your own kids. The other thing you realize is that the job that you had at that time, you were either

00:25:25.440 appreciated, respected, and rewarded for your abilities, or you were rejected, replaced,

00:25:31.440 and your whole world was tossed upside down because you depended on a job that wasn't dependent on you.

00:25:37.120 They replaced you. That's the same way when you look at AI. And I talk about people with,

00:25:42.640 you know, artificial intelligence. The more we train AI, the more AI doesn't need us.

00:25:48.160 Because sooner or later, everyone's bank gets filled up. And if you're not constantly in line with your

00:25:56.640 environment, both physically and emotionally, you're not in line with the opportunities that's

00:26:02.960 present and you're honest with what you can and can't do, the line will basically erase you.

00:26:09.680 So my takeaways on that is happiness takes practice. Purpose sustains joy, and connections really matter.

00:26:19.760 Yes, thank you. So many good points in there. Maybe what I wanted to also talk to you about

00:26:26.880 is your understanding of what true happiness is. Because you said something, there was a line

00:26:35.120 in what you just shared with us that reminded me that I wanted to talk to you about. Because I think

00:26:42.240 that people believe that happiness is those moments of pleasure, right, where things are going well in

00:26:49.280 our life, and oh, now I'm happy. But then now things have taken a turn for the worst, and now happiness

00:26:55.200 is now gone. But inherent happiness, the happiness that is an innate quality of our spiritual self,

00:27:02.720 I believe the infinite eternal part of us, that part of us is always innately happy, loving and at

00:27:10.720 peace. Those are the qualities that that we have always within us. And that happiness is like the sun,

00:27:18.880 that sometimes the clouds move in front, and we don't see the sun, but it doesn't mean that the sun isn't

00:27:24.480 there. Happiness is like that true, eternal, innate, infinite happiness, and abundant,

00:27:34.400 an abundance happiness. It just takes either us plugging into it so that we feel it, or us dealing

00:27:41.920 with those blocks, the clouds that have moved in front for a little bit that might make us feel like

00:27:48.240 our happiness is gone, but it's not really gone. And so what would you say to, because just I heard you

00:27:54.960 allude to that idea that, you know, it's different than pleasure. What would you say to what I just shared?

00:28:02.880 So if I were to, if you were to ask me what is happiness, the first thing I would go is, hmm,

00:28:08.080 hmm, because it's an individual. Happiness is a state of well-being and contentment. It is not

00:28:15.760 consistent joy or the absence of struggle. It is the ability to appreciate life as it is while believing

00:28:26.640 in what your life can become. And I said this earlier, if I were to peel back a banana and have

00:28:35.440 the first three layers of happiness, I would say one, happiness is emotional. It's your joy, your love,

00:28:42.640 your gratitude, your calmness, your peace in the very moment of where you stand. The second is

00:28:49.520 psychological, is happiness, is your purpose, your growth, your self-acceptance, your alignment with who

00:28:57.280 you are and who you're becoming. And the third, as I'm peeling this layer back, I would say social

00:29:04.800 happiness. It's your connection, you're being seen, you're being valued, you're being loved, and what

00:29:11.360 you offer to everyone within your circle. I don't know if anyone can give you that finite line for what

00:29:20.320 happiness is, because every conversation, every experience you've had, whatever, some people either

00:29:26.320 accept where they are, and they're happy being content, or they're chasing something that can't

00:29:34.000 be caught. You know, happiness is not things, it's not your bank account, it's not the places you go,

00:29:42.560 it's the things that you experience with the people that are close to you, and the closest person you have

00:29:47.360 is within your own heart. So you cannot experience happiness or joy with anybody else until you find peace

00:29:54.080 within yourself. And so when you shared that story that you you've never ever done any anything or any

00:30:04.560 work that hasn't made you happy, and that your wife wasn't so in alignment with that with that belief,

00:30:13.760 because and maybe there are people that are listening that go and say, well, if I only did what I

00:30:20.960 what would make me happy, I wouldn't be able to pay for all the different things that I have.

00:30:26.160 And so what you just shared reminded me of what you had what you had shared earlier, that happiness is

00:30:32.720 not in all these things that we are conditioned to believe that it's in our possessions, positions,

00:30:38.880 titles, degrees, relationships, experiences, and appearance. And we say things like, oh, you know,

00:30:44.720 once I get that sport car, once I get that promotion, once I find that perfect person,

00:30:49.520 once I get the big house, once I have, that it's somewhere outside, somewhere outside of ourselves,

00:30:55.600 and we just need to find, buy, earn, or achieve it. Well, how is that? I'm going to interrupt you for

00:31:03.440 quick, and I don't want to be rude, but I am going to be rude. I have never, I'm not saying that I don't

00:31:10.320 want people to get me wrong that I have not experienced any of those shortcomings. You know,

00:31:16.160 what we think will make us happy when we get it, we discover it doesn't make us happy.

00:31:23.520 You know, I made a conscious choice, and I was very lucky because of being an athlete. I never had to

00:31:29.760 interview for a job. People asked me to come to work. All right. That is, I have not had a normal life.

00:31:35.520 My youngest son said in an interview when we were on a podcast, and I was kind of downplaying the

00:31:41.280 life that I've had. He says that your failures are most people's dreams. You need to stop saying,

00:31:48.240 you know, downplaying the way that you live. I have been very lucky. All right. As a competitive

00:31:53.680 athlete, I've had a very good life. I cannot look back and regret anything. If I had to do it all over,

00:32:00.560 you know, would I do anything different? Yeah. There are a couple of things I would do different,

00:32:05.040 because now I know the answers. But I also know when I had the big house, it didn't make me happy.

00:32:11.120 When I had what was called the perfect life, that's the reason why I have an ex-wife, 1.00

00:32:14.960 it didn't make me happy. When I had the four beautiful children plus one extra that I raised,

00:32:21.200 it didn't make me happy. The first time I made six figures, it didn't make me happy. The first time I

00:32:27.840 made seven figures, it didn't make me happy. What made me happy was to realize that I was in Lake Placid,

00:32:33.520 New York. And I climbed a mountain over 4,000 feet and sat up there and laid in the sun. I was

00:32:38.480 the first person up there. And I experienced joy. I experienced calm. And when I came down, I came

00:32:45.120 down to change. And I said, I was going to live within myself. So the conversation I'm having with

00:32:51.680 you when it applies to me is only my conversation. I cannot give you advice or direction to say that

00:33:00.400 buying the big house and living in the perfect neighborhood. That's your happiness.

00:33:03.600 If you can live with that, then it's your peace and joy. I said, then I tell you to be happy within

00:33:08.000 yourself. If you are accepted and loved and you do things in your community and whatever,

00:33:12.800 and that brings you happiness, regardless of what your bank account shows, and you're happy,

00:33:17.680 you're happy. No one can define that for you. I mean, I am just grateful for the life I've had.

00:33:28.160 I am wired differently than most people. I don't believe in what I can't until it's proven to me that

00:33:36.400 it can't be done. It's perfect. Now, you just that this is a lovely segue into talking about because

00:33:44.160 you said I'm grateful. So I know that gratitude is a big part of how you live, right? And why I'm

00:33:51.680 saying a big part of how you live because gratitude for me is, I would say the same thing. It's not

00:33:59.360 something that I make time to practice at the end of the day, when I try to think about three things

00:34:04.960 that went well for me that day, that that my gratitude is part of how I live every moment of

00:34:11.600 my life being so because I'm present, and being so grateful for like the, you know, your presence here

00:34:18.080 today in the conversation that we're having together and, and the ideas that we're sharing and, and we're

00:34:25.120 diving into that, it's so beautiful to be in this one moment, and truly appreciating the gift that

00:34:34.560 every moment of our life really is that, you know, I know it's a bit of a cliche sentence, right? When

00:34:40.960 we say, Oh, the present is the gift, but it is actually a gift. If you sit and you, you feel the

00:34:46.400 appreciation of being able to be alive in that moment to experience it. And so I would love for you to share

00:34:53.200 a little bit more about how gratitude for you is, is, is a way of being a way of, of life for you.

00:35:02.160 All right. I'm gonna, I'm thinking about this quote from the Dalai Lama. He says, happiness is not

00:35:08.160 something ready made. It comes from your own actions. Gratitude rewires your life. I mean, you think about it.

00:35:18.560 I get up every single morning. And the first thing I say, I thank God for giving me a second

00:35:24.240 chance at this life. I'm going to do everything in my power. Okay. Not to make him regret that.

00:35:31.440 Think about it. Most of us get up every single, single day. We take a couple of breaths. We take

00:35:35.760 a couple of steps and whatever. And we talk about, I'm tired. I don't want to go to work. I don't want

00:35:40.640 to do this or whatever. I met a man years ago. His name is Victor. And he was born with no arms

00:35:48.160 and no legs. Think about it. He's got a beautiful wife with three beautiful children,

00:35:54.800 two or two or twins. He drives a car. He walks around the world. He's making millions of dollars

00:36:00.080 telling people how to align their life and reduce conflict. And here we are sitting in the audience

00:36:07.680 with all our toes, all of our fingers, all of our head, our heart and whatever. And we're complaining

00:36:13.760 about what we can and can't do or we can't go and whatever. It's too hot. It's too cold. I work too

00:36:20.000 long. I don't feel appreciated. Gratitude rewires how you think and how you see life and how you receive

00:36:26.320 people. So when you live in gratitude, be prepared to rewire your life. Simplify it. Alignment

00:36:34.400 reduces conflict within your own heart. Struggle depends on happiness. There can't be one without

00:36:41.840 the other. And helping other people reveals joy in your life. Be present. Because if you're present,

00:36:50.960 you beat perfection. You don't chase something that can't be caught.

00:36:56.640 But Kevin, what would you say to someone that says, well, it's hard to be thankful when you're dealing

00:37:02.800 with all of these hardships? How do you find gratitude in those moments?

00:37:08.720 Well, you look at it this way, and I'll answer this. Think about it. I lost 14 friends in less

00:37:15.280 than 45 days during COVID. All right. My best friend lost her eight-year-old son to cancer

00:37:23.680 just coming out of COVID. All right. I can't tell you how to deal with you. There's none of us that

00:37:36.640 can give you any advice that can tell you to change the channel, change the direction, change your

00:37:43.600 perspective, change your attitude until you accept change within your heart. All right. We're all going

00:37:50.640 to live. That's the reason why we have a birth date that says minus December 10, 1958. And in between,

00:37:58.480 when you look at your gravestone, I've heard many people say that there's a little line. That little

00:38:02.720 line is how you live your life. And at the end of the day, you can live your life and say that I,

00:38:09.280 I don't regret one moment of it until that second day comes in. That infinity lifeline continues to grow.

00:38:17.840 You're the only person going to answer that. So what I say to you is answer that question. That

00:38:22.240 little space between your birthday is the life that you live and how you live. And if you're living

00:38:27.840 your life based on your terms, not someone else, we all have to work. We all have to deal with a

00:38:35.040 spouse or a partner that doesn't understand us, doesn't get us. We all have to make choices. We all

00:38:40.320 take chances. Now the difference is, is the outcome and the actions that follow it.

00:38:48.080 That's how I would tell that person to answer himself. I can't answer that. You can, the only

00:38:52.560 person that can discover your why is you. And when you get to that point that you find out your why,

00:38:57.840 why you exist, what purpose you have in this life, it's the most beautiful thing that you're

00:39:05.520 going to ever discover. It may not come to you in your twenties. It may not come to you in your

00:39:10.320 thirties, may not come to your forties, but if it comes to you in your fifties or sixties,

00:39:14.960 and as long as it comes to you, I'm going to tell you, you can exhale, sit back and enjoy the ride.

00:39:19.920 Life is not over. It's just beginning.

00:39:21.360 So beautiful. So, and there's such, so many amazing, uh, wise pieces of, of nuggets that you've

00:39:31.760 shared in our conversation today. If you had to share one last thing with us that you would say

00:39:39.680 you would want to leave everybody with this one piece of information that could help us to live

00:39:48.080 the life of our dreams, the life that, you know, you're talking about. If we did all of the different

00:39:53.920 things that you, you shared today, what would, do you think that you could narrow it down to like one,

00:40:02.800 one most important thing that you try to, you know, remind yourself and reconnect with

00:40:08.480 every day that keeps you on track and motivated?

00:40:11.120 Well, you're asking a, uh, person that likes to talk and say one thing.

00:40:19.120 Well, what I, what I will, will say, it is not just one thing. It's, uh, a conversation. Um,

00:40:27.120 happiness is not the absence of struggle. It's staying connected to yourself through it. The Dalai

00:40:34.560 Lama, which I love, he says the purpose of our lives is to live happy. My grandfather always taught me

00:40:41.120 when you get to a place in life that you can help someone else out. He said, it's your duty to do so.

00:40:47.760 He said, reach one, teach one. And if I had to leave you with one thing,

00:40:53.120 service is where happy happiness lives, help someone else.

00:40:58.720 It's beautiful. Thank you so much. Now, if people would like to connect with you after the show today,

00:41:04.000 where can they learn more about you, your, your podcasts? How are they, how can they connect with you?

00:41:09.840 I have two wonderful podcasts. The first is Talking Wit, W-I-T, Kevin and Son. Uh, it's a show that

00:41:18.320 showcases people that are giving back, that are making a difference in life. Um, so that was that. Um, you

00:41:24.720 can reach us on both of my podcasts, Motivational Sundays with Kevin and Friends, on my YouTube page,

00:41:31.040 uh, RMK Productions and Network. You can find us there. Um, or if you want to email me directly,

00:41:39.280 go to info at RMK Productions dot org, and you could, uh, write, uh, whatever you want to write,

00:41:48.720 and we will connect. You know, give us 48 hours and I'll get back to you. Um, the other thing, if you like music,

00:41:54.400 um, go to any of your music sources and type in, this is Kevin McLemore, M-C-L-E-M-O-R-E.

00:42:04.960 And if you don't catch any of this, uh, reach out to, uh, Teresa. I'm giving you permission. As long as

00:42:11.440 you're not, um, someone that, that wants to burn down the house, um, you can contact me directly.

00:42:16.880 I'll leave it up to you. There's the screen out, um, you know. Not to worry. Not to worry. We're

00:42:25.840 going to put all of, all of what Kevin said in the show notes. So you, you, well, you'll see it

00:42:30.560 all typed there and, uh, people can, can get to you for sure. And I want to attest to Kevin's music

00:42:38.960 that it is so soulful and so many just real life feelings and, and situations that are all

00:42:50.080 captured in a, in a very beautiful lyrical way. So I invite you to, to listen to and checking out his

00:42:57.280 music on, on some of those platforms that you mentioned. Can I say one more thing before we

00:43:01.360 sign off? Yeah. All right. If I were to tell anyone one single thing, um, in order to find happiness,

00:43:08.480 I'm going to say, take some risk. All right. Um, the reason why I'm saying this because I grew

00:43:13.760 up singing and I was the background vocalist for, for groups growing up. And now I'm writing,

00:43:18.240 I'm the lead singer, whatever. I've never been more happy with the talent God has given me.

00:43:22.880 Take some risk. Perfect. Thank you so much for, for ending our show on that note. Thank you.

00:43:30.880 All right. Thanks for having me. And thanks to your audience. Hopefully, um,

00:43:35.520 you know, I, I made a decision, uh, help someone make a decision to take, um, the next step towards,

00:43:41.200 um, being true to yourself and finding out what's in your heart and living your best

00:43:45.360 version of yourself. Live your life.

From Trauma to Purpose： Kevin McLemore’s Truth

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