True Patriot Love

00:00:00.000 the holidays continue and thrilled to be joined once again by a friend of the show friend to all

00:00:09.300 sim chabra from horizonwithin.ca as we sport our matching or sort of competing ugly christmas

00:00:15.520 sweaters hi sim how you doing i'm good jim how are you good strong sweater game yeah you know

00:00:20.560 trying it's happy birthday jesus day yep this is my josh donaldson 41 home runs 2015 with the blue

00:00:26.140 jason no big deal whatever bit of an mvp um it's it's a fun time with the sweaters because it

00:00:32.200 doesn't matter where you're from in your background you can incorporate it into something fun and that

00:00:36.860 makes you almost feel inclusive in your workplace in your family yeah it's it's the perfect uh ice

00:00:42.280 breaker because you could be like that's a nice sweater or yeah that's an interesting one tell me

00:00:47.700 about this you know yeah yeah and especially for different generations breaking that ice having

00:00:55.700 something that you can relate to the common theme something is ugly christmas sweater could go a

00:01:00.260 long way to your mental health it would because it takes the pressure off whether you know are you

00:01:07.180 pro christmas or secular yeah it's a very neutral ground for people to just start having casual

00:01:15.000 conversations it's it's something in our society now in canada we're so diverse that the concept that

00:01:22.600 everyone celebrates christmas basically the same way and has the same traditions are long gone and there

00:01:28.200 are different people from different families and different cultures who have a very tight-knit family

00:01:33.720 experience but it's different than the traditional what you see in tv with the old black and white movies

00:01:38.120 but it doesn't make it any less impactful and important to them absolutely that's why like i mean if you

00:01:44.360 look at some of the recent christmas movies that have come out they've gone away from miracle on 34th street yes and it's a

00:01:51.160 it's a wonderful life and it's gone more to like the elf yes right yeah or home alone or you know you

00:01:58.520 have the quintessential debate of the ages is die hard a christmas movie or not which it is

00:02:05.400 it is they were at a christmas party exactly otherwise there wouldn't be any plastic situation

00:02:12.120 because there was nobody there john mcclain had no reason to go back to la from new york because it was

00:02:16.840 the christmas party with holly's wife yeah and you have to turn and it's a classic christmas rom-com

00:02:21.320 right gotta make it back yeah but it highlights the issue that um part of our evolution as people

00:02:31.320 especially in canada is understanding that some people just because they do it differently than you

00:02:36.520 doesn't make it any better or worse it's just different it is and you know you bring up a very good

00:02:42.280 point because we all uh experience the holidays differently yes and one thing interesting about

00:02:51.320 canada is that unlike the us it's there's no melting pot concept it's celebrating our uniqueness

00:03:02.840 in collectively yeah and like this is a very good example of it the way you look at the different

00:03:09.560 type of christmas sweaters that are out there you and now it's turned into like how can you one up

00:03:17.720 yeah yeah it's actually turned into anxiety of like do do i have the most unique one i hope i have the

00:03:23.960 most unique one or um i know the raptors came out with a really good one in 2019 they did and it was

00:03:31.320 good pennies yeah you know i settled for the sock i you know sometimes people in the office place in

00:03:39.880 the workplace in school amongst their friends maybe a little elf like a little too over the top about

00:03:46.360 christmas and i think there's a fine line between excited and happy for christmas but then maybe

00:03:51.880 offending a someone you work with because that's not their reality but maybe being respectful and being

00:03:59.080 excited like oh what do you do over the holidays and actually generally listening to them and being

00:04:03.480 interested in what they have to say and what their experience is that is a very good point and it's much

00:04:11.160 more common now in the modern work culture because our mix of people that we work with has changed so

00:04:20.440 much that you know canadians by virtue and i can i can attest to this because i moved from the states up here

00:04:27.960 and i i know the difference between uh the canadian secular or inclusive culture versus the american

00:04:34.520 inclusive culture and i'm not uh promoting one or demoting the other so for for you know in the

00:04:42.680 canadian workforce a lot of times what people want to do is they want to share their excitement but at the

00:04:49.640 same time they want to be respectful of their inclusivity so they're not offending anybody

00:04:57.640 and you know and that kind of like creates the perfect uh opposites right like so you have this desire of

00:05:04.840 excitement and expression on one hand and then you have this how do i do it in a responsible fashion

00:05:14.680 that allows the other one to not feel that i'm being encroached upon and

00:05:24.120 so one of the ways that i kind of look at it is i call it the um 30-60-90 rule oh and what that what what

00:05:34.120 it what it it's meant for is when we are trying to gauge for ourselves okay how do i decide how much

00:05:44.360 is too much how much is too little right and it becomes a little bit difficult and that's where i

00:05:51.080 feel a lot of people then start getting overwhelmed or a lot of people then start re-questioning themselves

00:05:56.440 or just it just creates this extra uh vacuum of thought that has very little value so what i've

00:06:07.320 what i've kind of invented is or created rather is i call it the um uh buddy the elf benchmark right

00:06:15.480 okay who is at 100 all the time 150 yeah yeah yeah yeah so if you don't mind like if i were to say

00:06:24.840 okay this is buddy at a 10 where would you rate yourself well um you know i think i'm about a three

00:06:33.800 and a half to four but on christmas eve christmas day when now i have my family with me i'm about a nine

00:06:40.200 and a half ten right so see that's perfectly how i've kind of like designed this i call it the 30-60

00:06:49.320 90 rule right and what it is is saying you know when you're in social environments when you're in

00:06:54.920 professional environments it's a good benchmark to have 30 exuberance or 30 way of

00:07:03.640 expression right okay or excitement the 60 is more where you're in family gatherings or in personal

00:07:11.480 settings and what i mean by family gatherings and personal settings it's more like you know close

00:07:16.200 friends yes um extended families that kind of stuff and then the 90 is more on the individual lens so

00:07:26.600 this is where you know the sweater comes on the hat comes on sucks completely right and it allows you 0.59

00:07:33.480 to then naturally have this sense of awareness because you know that i'm environmentally aware

00:07:40.200 and at the same time i'm not limiting myself on how i want to express i'm just toning it down so a very

00:07:47.960 very good example of that would be is when you look at buddy the elf and he goes to walter's office yeah

00:07:53.400 that's a hundred percent buddy yes now for him even if he was sitting at 60 would be a feat but 30 would

00:08:05.240 be ideal or when he gets job at the um toy shop right and the next morning right so so this rule i

00:08:14.440 mean it's it's a it's a broad rule but it kind of like helps you kind of create this this sense of like

00:08:20.440 where you sit uh another way for you to remember is it's a rhyme it's three six nine i'm fine

00:08:29.400 right and that's the same thing 30 60 90 so three six nine i'm fine and if you're more of a visual

00:08:35.480 person if you you know you've heard the thing at arm's length right so if you you know extend your

00:08:41.720 arm out and you go at arm's length so your fingertips professional setting your wrist social settings

00:08:50.920 your elbow family settings right your shoulder first individual set yes right yes you then become

00:09:01.000 buddy so now there's your three six nine i'm fine 30 60 90 right and then this way kind of like allows

00:09:09.880 you to kind of gauge the environment regulate so you're not changing how you celebrate but you're not

00:09:17.880 overwhelming people in your personal space like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa too much right because now

00:09:25.960 you're not buddy so you know wait i'm at dad's office or i'm at home or and so it doesn't change

00:09:33.720 your beliefs or how you want to celebrate what it does is it gives you a tool to match it to the

00:09:40.680 environment and it takes away am i too much or am i too little to okay i know the environment in how

00:09:47.880 much of that would i want to bring into this how much of what i want to share i want to bring into

00:09:54.280 this and a lot of times the 30 rule works in professional environments not a per se during the

00:10:02.680 work days it's more on the the the holiday party or you know you don't want to be you may be in a

00:10:10.440 position of management you may be in a position of a c-suite where you have to be a lot more aware of

00:10:18.760 how much is too much and how absolutely too little and this kind of meets that equilibrium uh so one

00:10:27.240 of the things that you can also incorporate is you know some things that we struggle with is what kind

00:10:32.760 of questions will we be able to ask like what would we ask somebody if like say you know you and i are

00:10:38.600 sitting across and we may be at a christmas party and we work in different departments i don't know how

00:10:44.920 much you celebrate you may have a sweater i may have a sweater but that's not an indication of our

00:10:49.000 passion to the holiday would it be inconsiderate to say oh how are you so what are you doing over

00:10:55.240 the holidays is that an acceptable way to ask it is but you may they may not celebrate the holidays

00:11:01.160 right or they may be going through a personal experience and they and now you you may

00:11:07.160 not offer them a space or they may feel overwhelmed right so one of the ways that you know

00:11:13.640 i share with clients that are kind of like going okay how would i address this and i would be like

00:11:18.920 you know you know one way one way to go is you know do you prefer to keep it low-key

00:11:25.400 or do you celebrate around this time of year oh okay what that does is now it's giving them

00:11:31.960 an opportunity to choose because you're asking them do they prefer to keep it low-key

00:11:37.960 or celebrate and it gives them a bit of a space to work with legway because now you've not said you

00:11:44.360 know how do you celebrate holidays this time of year and what that does is now it's framed it to

00:11:51.880 a bigger context oh of this time of year because you could be celebrating hanukkah you could be

00:11:59.000 celebrating kwanzaa right uh within the christian denomination you have the orthodox which celebrated a

00:12:05.640 lot later yes so this gives you that opportunity to ask a genuine question but to the receiver it

00:12:14.760 gives them an opportunity to respond without pressure i like the concept of the potluck

00:12:22.200 office party in the holidays because people from different backgrounds and different cultures bring

00:12:27.320 different foods and people end up engaging in a conversation oh that's fantastic what is that i've

00:12:32.920 never had that before yeah and all of a sudden you put them in their comfort zone because they're

00:12:36.680 obviously proud of what they made yeah and they're sharing something from their background their culture

00:12:41.480 their country that you've never had before like wow this is really good what is that yeah and i think

00:12:46.840 to me that just strips away maybe any holiday anxiety but there's almost a sense of pride of hey this

00:12:52.200 is a favorite food we have at this time of year where i'm from and i'd like you to have it yeah absolutely

00:12:57.080 canadians love food yeah and you can there's food weather sports right you find one of those chances

00:13:08.520 are you've made it into their arts right like it's one of the easy instant connection instant connection

00:13:13.800 right like and so with food um that's a great way to do it where you're like hey what is that um and

00:13:22.040 uh another way because you know we then kind of let go you know was that a rude question that i'm

00:13:27.240 asking am i phrasing it right so you know the idea is how much less re-questioning you're doing in your

00:13:33.240 own mind because that's where the stresses of holidays also start coming in you become overly aware of

00:13:39.400 structuring your thoughts so you know another way to approach the same thing would be is there anything

00:13:46.520 on this table that is a must have that i should try oh yeah that's a good one and 90 of the time if

00:13:57.000 you're signing somebody next to somebody they're gonna point to what they brought so it saves you from

00:14:03.960 asking them okay what'd you bring yeah because everybody's gonna say that's a must have now you can

00:14:11.480 go huh that's that looks kind of neat what's in it how would you and now because they have led you

00:14:19.480 into that conversation right and you didn't point the item out and it's a sense of pride for them to

00:14:24.680 go hey why that yeah this is what our family makes now because the idea is to create conversation the

00:14:31.720 idea is to to feel at ease for yourself and at the same time allow that inclusivity to happen so

00:14:40.600 they can feel ease with themselves and now you're celebrating what it's about which is bringing

00:14:46.840 people together that means i think i'm like a lot of canadians i'm trying to be as respectful as

00:14:52.520 possible i don't want to offend anyone so my go-to now is like happy holidays but they can see that

00:14:57.720 i'm a christmas guy they'll go merry christmas and i find that a lot in social settings how do you

00:15:02.920 approach it like what do you do different what would you like to see oh no i i think it's actually nice

00:15:08.280 i i don't know if i would do it differently but i'm like it is the holidays and i hope everyone

00:15:13.480 has a happy holidays whether it's christmas or whatever so i just say hey happy holidays and

00:15:18.920 sometimes people go oh merry christmas yeah and it's a nice little exchange would you be wanting to

00:15:25.000 be more be able to say merry christmas at the get-go well i don't like to assume that everyone celebrates

00:15:32.840 christmas when i was a kid i just it was a given as everyone in my circle it was all christmas but

00:15:39.560 the world and the country has changed so much sam i don't i don't like to make that assumption

00:15:45.240 that's a very good point and i feel you know a lot of times we want to be polite yes and then the issue

00:15:54.760 becomes uh where is it that i can then comfortably be able to say merry christmas right correct and

00:16:02.920 it depends on your setting now is this more when you're saying you know when you're like a starbucks

00:16:08.760 grabbing a coffee or is this more like when you're talking to clients you know is there is

00:16:13.720 it a different environment in which you would like this to be more or is it more just a broad

00:16:18.760 well i know within my immediate family it's merry christmas because we're all celebrating christmas

00:16:24.120 but in a public setting in a store or in a mixed setting at a workplace i'm probably going to say

00:16:29.320 happy holidays because i i don't pretend to know everyone's background and beliefs and i just figure

00:16:35.080 it's safe i i agree with you on that so i mean it's a very good point and i think it's it's kind of

00:16:42.040 like social etiquette more than anything right and that's a good thing to be aware of is having

00:16:48.520 that sense of being but at the same time you know it could be where the other person

00:16:54.840 is understanding of that this is a festive holiday that is dominantly celebrated within this country

00:17:05.320 and i feel it's kind of neat to kind of like have that conversation so obviously you know you won't

00:17:11.400 be able to do this at a starbucks when you're like trying to grab your barista your coffee from your

00:17:15.400 barista and they've got 18 drinks on the line yeah and and you're like you know is it right excuse me

00:17:22.200 uh but at the same time you're at a restaurant right and right you're you're talking to your server or

00:17:29.080 you're talking to your bartender or or and you kind of want to gauge them because now that changes the

00:17:37.240 how you want to share your excitement correct um i was in the hospitality industry prior to this

00:17:44.120 and it's i would experience this quite a bit where you know the guests would be like well happy

00:17:49.720 holidays and i'd be like merry christmas and they'd be like are you okay with saying merry christmas and

00:17:53.080 i'm like well it is a holiday and it is the festive season and it is it is the most appropriate thing to

00:18:01.320 say yes merry christmas um i feel that neither approach is incorrect uh what i feel is you you're

00:18:11.080 kind of being true to yourself but at the same time being environmentally aware so that i feel is a

00:18:19.800 better so if you're like say in a in a in a restaurant setting sure you know if you're comfortable saying

00:18:26.360 merry christmas right it's the the infliction it's the tone it's the the presumption so you know one

00:18:36.520 other way of doing that breaking the ice so like say coming back to you know you are this will work

00:18:42.360 better in an environment where you have extended engagement this cannot work in an a quick exchange

00:18:49.800 so like a cashier yes okay so another good way to do that would be like you know are there any traditions

00:19:01.880 you celebrate around this time of year right or you could be like are there any uh traditions

00:19:14.040 you like practicing this time of year right and what that does is that now again you've taken the

00:19:21.640 pressure off christmas and you're saying you know are there any traditions that you like

00:19:27.000 observing around this time of year i think that's the best way to say it is you know do you observe

00:19:33.320 anything and by doing that alone it's taking the pressure off christmas it's giving them the opportunity

00:19:39.320 to speak because that's what you're you're curious to know do they observe what do they observe

00:19:43.640 and then meet them there so it could be like you know coming back to myself and you're my guest and

00:19:48.120 you're serving me i'm serving you and you go you know are there any traditions you observe this time

00:19:52.760 of year i'd be like yeah i observe x y and z and you're like well that's interesting i really i never

00:19:58.920 thought that's really cool and there's your middle yeah because we're looking for that middle so

00:20:03.160 so i would say more those are your better approaches but you know if you're at the cash

00:20:08.120 and you're in a retail space read the read the person right you're the best judge in that moment

00:20:15.160 and saying merry christmas around christmas in a retail setting i may be incorrect on this but

00:20:22.440 yes you're being mindful and if you're a regular visitor it's this establishment then merry christmas

00:20:28.280 is appropriate because you're coming there year round so it's not like you're doing a one-off visit

00:20:33.000 right because we usually only most 90 percent of time visit stores that we are regular in pattern

00:20:40.200 exactly right so you you're aware of it saying it to them they're aware of you as regular

00:20:45.720 that's that's acceptable maybe it's my age and maybe it's just as i've gotten older i i know what

00:20:53.240 what i want to do with the christmas and what our traditions and beliefs are but i'm totally open that

00:20:59.160 anyone from any other country or culture in canada they do something different it makes no difference

00:21:05.160 in my life you do what you want to do i know what we're going to do i just want people to be healthy

00:21:09.720 and happy with the holidays you know it's interesting you say that because we can then say oh you know what

00:21:15.000 like you know this culture this religion celebrates a different but if you even look at it through the

00:21:22.760 um christianity right and you expand that out uh so i i was born in india and the the part of the

00:21:33.640 town that i lived in was predominantly uh indo-portuguese roman so they're going oh okay so 1.00

00:21:41.560 they were all catholics i went to a catholic school till grade eight so for us christmas was very roman

00:21:48.040 catholic traditional you know you you had we didn't have to go to the mass but the church was right down

00:21:53.320 the street huh you're christian friends so you see food lots of it yes and christmas day you know it

00:22:01.000 was portuguese go in fusion foods like it had their traditions we moved to the states and thanksgiving

00:22:10.760 is bigger in the states big time christmas yeah but the way they present it it seems like christmas

00:22:17.480 is the big holiday it's actually thanksgiving christmas is more of the muted holiday

00:22:21.880 and in india we used to when i used to go to france we would eat turkey on christmas day

00:22:26.520 when we moved to the states turkey moved to november for thanksgiving talk about culture shock that's

00:22:33.400 culture shock because i'm like then what do you guys eat on christmas day and they're like ham like

00:22:39.720 but we eat ham in the easter like what is going on why did you guys bring me i can't understand what food

00:22:45.480 the easter like cool right and then we'll be and then we moved to atlanta now atlanta if you think

00:22:54.600 american partisan is a religion that's unique try meeting somebody that's southern baptist or

00:23:03.320 evangelical that's great christmas with them it's a whole different lens right then we moved to canada

00:23:11.400 here i got introduced to partisan english right i got introduced to partisan european

00:23:19.160 catholic european roman catholic orthodox so each one to answer your question within christianity is

00:23:29.640 like a kaleidoscope yeah so you know when you kind of like pinch it together and say oh but christmas is

00:23:37.320 common actually it's so many within and i'll give you a very good example so i have friends that are

00:23:42.920 um british english and then i have friends that are scottish and their christmas traditions even

00:23:52.360 though they're from the united kingdom very different very different micro nuances just you know certain

00:23:59.320 things that they do and you know how they celebrate it whether it's christmas eve or christmas day

00:24:04.920 you know another one in the states there's no concept of boxing day no there's boxing day it's a

00:24:10.440 huge the rest of the world yeah it's boxing day to us is what black friday and thanksgiving is to

00:24:17.320 them yes when i talk to my american friends and they be like oh so i'm like it's boxing day they're

00:24:23.800 like what is boxing day and then i have to like explain it to them and i'm like it's kind of like

00:24:27.720 you're black friday and like what do you mean i'm like it's yeah yeah yeah you know so so holidays

00:24:34.600 become unique uh as a immigrant or a first you know first first generation immigrant

00:24:41.880 it it's a great way to get to know the culture it's a great way to appreciate so many micro

00:24:51.320 fractions within the christianity arc that you kind of like go wow and then when you meet people

00:25:00.040 um like yourself you know what's your major um ancestry oh well my mother's french canadian

00:25:11.240 roman catholic my father was a a son of a german immigrant roman catholic so we grew up catholic and

00:25:16.520 my wife's a dutch protestant so it's perfect right like so now you have these two different fractions

00:25:22.040 and then you're like okay how do we blend the two so you kind of kind of keep some of the traditions but

00:25:25.880 at the same time you blend in some of the modern and then the kids they and then it just becomes a

00:25:31.000 mosaic it's more food for us we find with the kids now they're in their 20s it's it's you know we will

00:25:38.200 see my mother-in-law she's in a long-term care home on christmas eve because in their in their culture they 0.98

00:25:44.360 would open presents christmas eve yeah um but then we it's more like we just want to sit down and have

00:25:50.760 a meal with the kids because they're adults they have their own lives and it's a chance to spend a few

00:25:55.560 hours with them and and just enjoy their company because we find that more and more precious and

00:26:00.680 that's the holidays for us is just spending some time with our kids when before they go back to

00:26:06.120 their respective cities and their respective lives that is common in any celebration if you genuinely like

00:26:14.040 filter it down all all celebrations are a way to get people together it doesn't matter

00:26:18.840 christmas just happens to be the main focal point because it's been the most dominant religion what's

00:26:27.480 changing is is that we're making room for other religions to be able to be acknowledged and celebrate

00:26:34.600 they should they are like if you look at over the last 15 years like we've been in canada since 97

00:26:40.120 and all of them are getting their space and and this is where that 30 60 90 rule comes in because it's not

00:26:46.200 only applicable to people wanting to celebrate christmas this is applicable to any person wanting

00:26:52.360 to celebrate anything because all it means is you know you have a level of excitement and you have

00:26:59.640 an expression on one side of the coin and then you have your environment and as long as you everybody

00:27:07.640 recognizes hey listen when we're in outer settings so like for you coming back to the cashier yeah well

00:27:14.600 that's your 90 90 percent parameter that's right right because now you're in a very image it one

00:27:19.960 minute maximum engagement now you're aware so you can then choose happy holidays or merry christmas based

00:27:27.880 on that you have information right prior to that you're second guessing it that's the only difference

00:27:34.120 nothing's changed what's changed is you have an ability to process that information right and we if we all

00:27:41.320 share the same view well now we have this common middle common middle is what how do we inclusively

00:27:47.720 celebrate each other's celebrations and be unique about it yeah i i think you know especially toronto

00:27:55.880 montreal vancouver but now edmonton and calgary such big cities um the demographics are rapidly changing

00:28:03.080 and i think it's a good thing for the country to be aware like hey i'm going to celebrate this you're going

00:28:09.160 to celebrate that oh that food all of a sudden you're at the office christmas party you're

00:28:14.040 understanding different cultures i remember being 13 years old and my dad was in the air force we were

00:28:19.480 in california and it's the first time i met someone who didn't celebrate christmas and we were in the

00:28:24.760 line at the cafeteria i was getting some milk and they said well no i'm jewish we celebrate hanukkah

00:28:30.120 i oh i had never i was from a small town trenton ontario so i came home i said what are they talking

00:28:37.000 about and they explained to me like oh and that was the beginning of understanding that different

00:28:42.440 cultures different people have a different thing they do in the holidays and it's just as important

00:28:47.560 and just as righteous as what we're doing but that's kind of like something i've i've kind of liked

00:28:52.760 understanding different people sim this is where we're from this is our culture this is our background

00:28:59.400 we eat this we do that like oh cool yeah and and you find a way to celebrate so i got introduced to

00:29:05.160 kwanzaa oh okay in the states because something that doesn't carry over india's got a plethora of

00:29:14.600 holidays because it's a very secular and religiously diverse country so growing up we were we're accustomed

00:29:21.640 to a lot of different uh religious holidays and cultures and even like i went to a catholic school

00:29:28.520 but in our school you know you had kids that were muslim you had kids that were jewish you had kids

00:29:33.720 that were jane oh is that right and the only advantage we had of being non-christian is when

00:29:40.520 there was mass we got to go home early oh okay and when they would have service we had to we got to

00:29:48.920 stay in class so those are two advantages we had to be okay right and you're in grade four and everybody

00:29:55.320 else has to go to church church was right around the corner you're like woohoo we got we got to go on the

00:29:59.880 playground yeah this is awesome yeah we'll be like this is great you know and so what i'm trying to

00:30:05.560 say is that the demographic of canada is changing that doesn't necessarily mean that we need to worry

00:30:12.440 about how we share the holidays because we know how to be adjusted we genuinely have that in us because

00:30:23.160 i can say when i moved up here for university my blending experience that's what i got introduced to

00:30:32.360 you know uh a italian christmas they do good christmas food they do a great christmas and my

00:30:40.120 friend warned me they're like come hungry you're like what do you mean come on because they're like

00:30:44.280 yeah yeah you're gonna eat and then it's like my big side read on my big fat greek wedding you know

00:30:49.880 stretchy pants yeah okay i make you something and he said i'm not hungry yeah so it's the same idea

00:30:55.960 and that's where i got introduced to you know the the english version of partisans because i came from

00:31:00.760 the states yes right and i got to experience more diverse ways of experiencing christmas here

00:31:08.840 including other diverse holidays than i have anywhere else i'm a big believer in the christmas movie and

00:31:15.880 the evolution of the christmas movie that it's it's less about the birth of christ and religion and

00:31:21.640 more about these family scenarios it's it's a rom-com it's dealing with family dynamics and how they've

00:31:29.880 the christmas movies have evolved to reflect society i mean for for us we just i just find them

00:31:36.120 entertaining and enjoyable yeah like i mean we've come a long way from home alone oh so much yeah right

00:31:41.400 like and if you look at like the netflix is all like 25 of them right but like even like the style

00:31:47.160 of movie because like so if you look at home alone on one end and you look at the elf on the other yeah

00:31:52.840 they both are non christmas traditional movies where you know the santa is a central role yeah you

00:31:59.160 know the sleigh goes through alpha does but actually even in uh home alone it does but what i'm saying is

00:32:05.320 that we've come a long way even as society on how we celebrate the holidays and that to me is where we

00:32:14.760 are a very inclusive society yeah state you we could say all the movies were made in the states and all

00:32:19.960 that it's still a western view right and it's an opportunity to eat it doesn't right and you and people

00:32:30.600 take pride in cookies people take pride in decorations yes they everybody finds a little

00:32:37.000 something that they take a pride in and and you just got to find a way to come together and celebrate

00:32:43.240 them and christmas does that beautifully if i'm in a workplace and i'm south asian i'm muslim i'm whatever

00:32:51.240 background i don't celebrate christmas at all but i'm trying to be respectful of my co-workers who do

00:32:57.080 are there certain boundaries certain tools i should use to let them be them without infringing on me

00:33:05.080 that's a very good question and i can filter through some of my personal experiences of what i

00:33:12.120 use to kind of break the ice right two things um canadians love right i've already mentioned food

00:33:21.560 uh the other thing is dry center you dry sense of humor yeah okay and the quirkier it is and the more

00:33:29.800 it's kind of like huh they'll love you for it so one of the questions i used to use and i still use it

00:33:37.240 and when i go to them i'd be like so is it true that the fruit cake is the most re-gifted item around

00:33:47.320 christmas that pan phase just like a genuinely curious like i gotta know right like is it true

00:33:54.840 and 910 times they go yeah that's the most absurd thing because nobody likes fruit cake

00:34:00.440 and it just breaks the ice and that's what you're looking for right and so that's one way to do it

00:34:05.320 another one way to do it is we like to know where people are from right right and we're generally

00:34:10.760 interested genuinely interested so you have an advantage because you know i'm not from here

00:34:15.640 you know now i have that disadvantage because i gotta figure out two things one where in canada

00:34:23.880 you're from because again you're not gin right like there's a

00:34:30.600 that's a generational background that i don't know how directly to ask yeah so one of the questions

00:34:37.240 that i would also use aside from the humor part because this would only work around the holidays

00:34:42.280 i would ask is toronto always been home for you great one great one and what that would do a

00:34:51.160 majority of them and i learned so much about even people from i have a friend that moved from

00:34:59.800 sue lookout that is way up northern ontario way north for me before sue lookout

00:35:08.440 sudbury was the furthest north my mind would go from sue lookout sudbury might as well be miami 0.54

00:35:15.960 right so and then once we started talking and then they showed where they were from and

00:35:22.920 like this is beautiful and they're like yeah i have to fly to thunder bay then i'm like looking at

00:35:26.760 thunder bay and i'm like that's a two-hour flight like oh two hours here in florida yeah exactly right like

00:35:33.560 i'm still in ontario and so so that one question one it takes the pressure off me it takes the

00:35:43.640 pressure off you it also eases you from then wondering how do you break the ice on this side

00:35:49.720 without offending but it gives me an opportunity to get to know somebody else in a very different way

00:35:55.560 and now all of a sudden you know you could lead i have friends from the yukon how what are the odds

00:36:02.520 of that really just through that question or how about the shared experience if i have to pick up a

00:36:07.080 relative at the airport friday at 3 30. friday at 3 30 at the airport pearson it's going to be crazy

00:36:12.040 yeah well that's an oh yeah that's a traffic clean like on torontanians the 401 you better leave now

00:36:17.720 yeah like you know like how early we were talking about you're like oh you know store storming like i'm

00:36:21.240 like where are you like new market i'm like you might as well sleep here yeah it's an automatic

00:36:25.720 thing but you know in work settings and stuff like that you know you know has strong always been home

00:36:31.560 for you it's a very warm question because now it shows us a genuine connection so you might assume

00:36:38.200 someone is and then you get their background you're like i didn't know they moved that much

00:36:42.200 and that could be for anyone in the office right or you could be a west ender moving to central

00:36:46.840 or you could be an east ender these are little terms yeah right like gta golden horseshoe right

00:36:53.080 like so so it allows also knowledge because it's very easy to look at it and blanket it and you know

00:37:02.200 when when when a person moves to a country it's very broad so you you typecast narrow and it's the same

00:37:08.120 thing you know reverse where you know for you indians are very big but it's you're indian you're not and 0.58

00:37:13.640 then it's my opportunity to narrow down and this allows you to then narrow it down so i my dad was

00:37:20.520 in the air force and we moved around a lot yeah i was born in france we've lived in ontario in

00:37:24.840 california nova scotia ontario so we moved a lot and it wasn't until i started college that i met

00:37:30.840 people who didn't move growing up and i i said what do you mean you didn't move yeah it wasn't your father

00:37:38.280 transferred no he's worked the same and i had i had never met anyone until i was 19 who didn't spend

00:37:45.000 their whole life moving around from province to province or country to country with their parents

00:37:49.960 that's all i knew how was that for you it was it was like huh i was a revelation like maybe i did

00:37:58.200 grow up differently because growing up that's we all had the same thing half the people in the base would

00:38:03.800 move out the other half would move in every summer so every summer you just saw allied van lines and

00:38:09.640 sunflower moving and all this or mayflower moving um every summer and it was like and then at christmas

00:38:17.240 went back to camp borden the base with other people i was in high school with who had gone to college and

00:38:21.960 university and then they were comparing those going yeah i guess it was different for us we didn't know

00:38:27.640 we thought everyone like that's how you grew up so i call that the kleidoscopic lens because for you

00:38:35.560 the world is a fractal of pieces yes yes and so when you and it's very expected right because you get

00:38:45.240 two polar opposites right you get the fractal of pieces and you then get the singular vision that i

00:38:50.920 haven't had the experience yeah it's these little whether it's the holidays whether it's social

00:38:56.760 gatherings it's these little icebreakers and that just kind of like create that bridge i'm like oh

00:39:01.080 i didn't know you lived there i didn't know you lived there and because you may not know that about

00:39:04.840 your people you work with and that to me that's a it's a great way to connect with people that you

00:39:10.440 like i really don't have anything in common then you realize oh actually we do have something in common

00:39:15.720 right it shouldn't i i mean i guess maybe i understand why some people get stressed and there's

00:39:21.480 anxiety in the holidays i just look forward to those couple days where we it's only the

00:39:26.680 couple days a year i find similar we don't do anything we just hang out and eat some food and

00:39:32.440 watch some movies because we're always so busy to me that's the nice thing about the holidays

00:39:38.440 that's a very true statement but because of individual lived experiences right so it's for some it could be

00:39:46.120 you know a time of reflection because of someone they lost right so separating

00:39:53.080 the excitement and the expectations right and then matching it to saying okay how do i curb my

00:40:01.640 enthusiasm 30 60 90 yes where now even in your say in your family lens right like so say for example

00:40:10.680 you always have family get-togethers yeah and it's been a tradition it goes on forever right and now a

00:40:18.520 family member who hosts or does whatever for their personal reasons cannot that disrupts the cycle

00:40:27.800 now for you all of a sudden it's like well right and that's what i'm trying to say is that it becomes

00:40:35.080 individual each year and when we learn how to match that from 90 in this is where you can be all the

00:40:44.120 buddy you want yeah all the way up to here nobody's inside yeah oh yeah right once you're outside past

00:40:50.120 the shoulder now you become environmental got it so now when you you still have conviction to your

00:40:56.600 beliefs so we're not changing how you see the world because now we know you see it through a

00:41:01.240 kaleidoscopic lens what you now do is go okay how do i taper it so when they're receiving it they're not

00:41:08.760 receiving it at the same intensity that's that's the meaning and i don't think that's too much to

00:41:15.800 ask of of all of us individual yes it's and you know that's why i appreciated this this episode because

00:41:23.160 it kind of like allows us to have a genuine conversation and be reflective about and go okay

00:41:30.600 all i have to do is tune it down and use the elf movie as your reference point it's a really good

00:41:37.960 reference point yeah how much is too much right and then you could be like all i have to do is

00:41:43.320 dial the tones i don't have to change like adjusting the volume right right the show is still on it's

00:41:49.880 just not as loud it's just adjusting the volume right so right so you're still celebrating it at the

00:41:55.000 same level of belief you're expressing it at a intensity that matches the environment i'm finding

00:42:03.800 as i'm getting older too um the technology the capability to facetime family and friends that

00:42:10.360 i haven't connected with in a while or phone them on that day it gives me excuse like oh i haven't

00:42:14.840 talked to simon well hey how's it going yeah i i love facetime because before like my high school

00:42:22.680 friends that i grew up with right for us now it's become where we chalk the time and then we'll just do

00:42:30.040 like a group chat but now we can see each other yeah before it was like how's it going like it was

00:42:35.720 one of those voice calls now it's like hey what's that in the background what's that like you know

00:42:40.040 what's going on and stuff like that so technology has come a long way to get in touch with people and

00:42:46.840 stay in touch with people at a much faster rate which also shortens that sense of loneliness that a lot

00:42:53.800 of people tend to experience because now all of a sudden you know you could have a distant relative

00:42:58.200 or like you know if you go back in time when you'd be traveling a lot yeah being able to see grandma

00:43:03.800 at seven would have been the mental world oh yeah right so it's the same it's it there are such so

00:43:10.440 many advantages for both grandma and you in modern times and so yeah so here's a question i have for you

00:43:17.400 sim we my partner and i have a couple of holiday obligations coming up which is pretty you know get

00:43:24.040 invited but we can't go to all of them how do you say no in a proper way like i because you just can't

00:43:30.920 be everywhere at all times that is i feel the question of the ages when it comes to any culture

00:43:41.560 any holiday any invitation it's the how do you politely say no it's not that i don't like to be with you

00:43:51.480 just i simply i don't have the time sometimes right and you know it goes on the scaling of uh

00:43:58.360 proximity to relationship it's not like you're judging them as i don't spend a lot of time with

00:44:04.280 you or whatever it's it's individual it's unique to the individual uh it's a shared space versus

00:44:11.000 somebody that's just alone so like if you were by yourself your decision process would involve just

00:44:15.880 based on your beliefs on that shared space yes so it could be very well be like you know it's

00:44:21.080 her best friend right and you're indifferent to that or it could be your best friend and she's

00:44:28.760 indifferent to them and now you're competing to flipping a coin right yeah that's a conversation

00:44:35.160 that's a genuine conversation it's not about what they mean to you it what it means to you

00:44:41.160 and i think all couples have that don't they but it's a conversation yeah it's a genuine conversation

00:44:45.960 there's no mystery math to this there's no magic numbers to this there's a genuine authentic sitting

00:44:51.080 across from each other and saying okay how many weekends do we have four right and it goes quick

00:44:59.320 four are given right and then work down so you go okay off those four how many realistic functions

00:45:05.560 can be a 10 without burning right right and mathematically it's about six genuinely it's six

00:45:12.840 and that's the upper limit yeah i agree really good past six right yeah so you go okay six is my upper

00:45:18.440 limit there's four weekends right christmas doesn't count no right so basically it's the last week of

00:45:25.720 november three you skip christmas and then depending on how new year's eve falls you may or may not

00:45:31.800 right or you may do that last weekend of new year's yeah right yeah and then you go okay which of

00:45:36.600 these are most critical so you could like okay family gets priority right and then you could have

00:45:41.720 like a rotating where you know homer away right so it's like um how we do for fantasy right like

00:45:48.280 your exact names right yeah draft you do a draft this year we go there but the next year we come

00:45:53.000 here you just do a draft where you know there's a one side is more favored so the picks are better

00:45:57.720 okay that's interesting and over the years you can exchange drafts you can buy drafts whatever

00:46:03.160 and it's a fun way to do it and then all you do is you create a draft and you go number one pick goes

00:46:07.400 to you and then you go into your part of your people okay right oh we're going to sim's place

00:46:12.520 same boom comes up there and now you know they get to pick there you go and there's only six slots

00:46:17.960 ah right okay okay that's a great fair way to do it and then you can have your wild card

00:46:23.240 sitting on the side like if you go you know what maybe let's swap whatever what it does is it turns

00:46:29.080 into a conversation between the parties that are involved you may have kids that want to do something

00:46:35.560 with your friends and all you do is you sit down you have a conversation yeah i feel you know the draft

00:46:41.320 way you know is a and it's an excellent way of doing it where everybody gets around you know and you

00:46:46.760 figure it all out but the bottom line is what have you done you've gotten the family together

00:46:51.800 you've acknowledged everyone's priorities you've respected everyone's positions and then you've

00:46:57.320 picked the list and there's no offense to that because it's that's what's important to the family

00:47:02.120 and you weren't forcing something on someone it was a fun come by chance kind of thing right but

00:47:07.160 now as a family you've already determined right like so by end of october early november your december

00:47:13.000 is already marked up yeah so if you get a last minute invite well there's no offense to it because

00:47:18.200 everyone knows that christmas invites happen in november by remembrance day you have an idea of

00:47:25.560 where you're committing right and then by mid-november it's like remember it happens before american

00:47:30.920 thanksgiving 90 from what i've experienced even for myself it's like okay which slot which slot which slot

00:47:37.720 and then you're booked you're you just commit and you're done and it's it's it's those settings yeah

00:47:43.320 because you lose two of those two office environments and then depending on now that we have more than

00:47:49.640 one work position or workplace those go so you can only do so many on the weekdays and personal care

00:47:57.080 is important having that conversation forefront and presenting them is not a bad thing to do it's

00:48:03.320 actually an intelligent thing to do but it boils down to having that conversation with yourself

00:48:08.840 looking at a realistic number and saying six is pushing there's nothing wrong with having that

00:48:14.520 number for yourself and this is why i'm really glad we had this conversation uh you can get more details

00:48:20.520 at horizonwithin.ca with sim because if you go into the holidays with some ammunition with some tools

00:48:28.280 with a game plan it takes so much stress off your shoulders absolutely and that's what the holidays are about

00:48:34.440 holidays are also about being able to enjoy them at a level that is comfortable to you yes

00:48:43.320 so my scale works also in gauging personal level of strength it's a little bit more involved i would

00:48:51.160 highly encourage for anyone to go on the website i offer a consult a 15-minute consult a complimentary

00:48:57.880 consult book the console yeah we can then talk about you know you could say hey look i have 15 events

00:49:04.040 what do i do we'll figure something you know what i mean because then i can show you how to prioritize

00:49:09.800 how to how to weather it out right what i'm trying to get at is there's always a solution

00:49:15.000 there's always a solution we just need to find a way to get to it because i have some friends with

00:49:19.800 i think the term is blended family where they have kids from their new partner and they have their own

00:49:25.320 kids and then they're the christmas day it's an absolute it's like mission impossible tom cruise

00:49:31.000 yeah you got to be there then we got to go there and that that's the day yeah it's a grady bunch 0.96

00:49:35.720 yeah yeah exactly and it's but then you find a way to make it work yeah but and but they got 10 seasons

00:49:42.040 out of it yeah but that's horizonwithin.ca you speak to sim yeah you get some tools you get some

00:49:49.000 ammunition get some really cool ugly christmas sweaters yeah excuse me i'm just thinking about

00:49:56.920 all the christmas treats i'm getting choked up thinking about it uh but sim that is a great

00:50:00.520 conversation yeah thank you and very enjoyable and just some you know easy way to get through the

00:50:05.160 holidays the holidays i just think about it the stores are always open we're always running around

00:50:10.120 i just think maybe just one day where we just unplug and just don't run the roads don't go anywhere

00:50:15.400 just hang out get the stretchy pants on eat some food and just enjoy each other's company but you

00:50:20.920 don't have to wait to the 25th for that you can make any day christmas all right why i guess i mean

00:50:26.120 then you have two so are you looking at it as like a christmas warm up to christmas day no you could

00:50:34.280 have everything that you mentioned for yourself oh any day you want and go okay this is my christmas

00:50:40.920 because christmas day you have to be on right oh i never thought of that that's your 90. that's what 90

00:50:47.080 means okay so like some people have true passion and they're like you know i have this i have this

00:50:53.880 i have this i have this i have this so you know i presented to a client and i'm like well why don't

00:50:59.240 you make one day your christmas and they're like what do you mean and i go oh this number is not

00:51:03.880 arbitrary this number is actually something that you can use so in your 90 oh pick one day let the

00:51:09.960 family know today's my christmas day and what does that mean it means stretchy pants enjoying a meal die

00:51:16.680 hard die hard for me it's love actually it's a good movie it's a great movie i think i think

00:51:24.280 there should be a show standoff between like ala rickman should have been ashamed of himself for

00:51:28.440 his behavior yeah yeah or even uh jerry mcguire jerry mcguire is a good christmas movie oh i never

00:51:33.400 thought of that that's kind of you know ghostbusters is another one oh love ghostbusters back to

00:51:38.360 the future we can go on and on like i think that's another episode name your top 10 christmas movies

00:51:43.880 you know he's sim i'm jim thank you for watching we learned a lot today horizonwithin.ca

How Holidays Reveal Canada’s Cultural Superpower

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript