True Patriot Love

00:00:00.000 Hi, I'm Teresa Greco, the host of The Happy Hour, where we talk about the things that can help us

00:00:15.860 to live our happiest lives physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Now, I'm so excited

00:00:22.560 to welcome my guest on the show today, Dr. Georgette Zinotti, and we're going to be having an amazing

00:00:29.980 conversation, but I'm going to let her share more about herself with you.

00:00:33.340 So, I'm going to do my 15-second introduction that I encourage women to think about introducing 0.70

00:00:39.100 when they do themselves. So, Dr. Georgette Zinotti, I am the CEO and founder of Women Helping Empower

00:00:44.620 Women, which is a nonprofit. I also have my own business where I do consultancy, public speaking,

00:00:49.900 keynotes, and so forth. In addition to that, I've done a couple of TEDx talks. I've been published

00:00:55.100 in Forbes multiple times. I've got some recognition, which I'm really proud of for the work that I do

00:00:59.900 in community, published a couple of books, and I'm really passionate about helping support women,

00:01:05.900 in particular, with startups and getting them to scale their businesses. So, thank you for having

00:01:10.140 me here today.

00:01:11.260 And now you understand why you have this amazing woman with me on the show.

00:01:16.380 Thank you. You're so sweet.

00:01:17.260 So, yeah. Thank you so much for being with us.

00:01:18.540 Thank you for having me. I'm excited about what you're doing. I feel like we should be

00:01:21.500 having martinis for happy hour.

00:01:23.260 Yeah. Yeah, I know, right? That's what you think. But this is about us connecting with our

00:01:28.300 inner happiness without any of those things.

00:01:30.380 Without those other things.

00:01:31.660 Yes.

00:01:31.980 That's right. Happy hour with coffee. That's right.

00:01:35.820 So, I'd love to start off by talking with you about the things that you feel hold people back

00:01:41.500 from living their happiest lives.

00:01:44.860 Yeah. So, that's a great question. I think for many people, it's the fear, right? What I call false

00:01:51.340 evidence appearing real fear. So, the fear of doing the things that they really want to do, the things

00:01:57.660 that align with their purpose. I think too many people don't really know what their purpose is.

00:02:02.460 It takes time to figure that out. Like if you're 20, sometimes you're lucky enough to know what that

00:02:07.100 is. But if you don't, it's figuring out purpose. And then getting rid of the mindset and the barriers

00:02:13.180 of why you can't do something and really kind of leaning into what you think you can.

00:02:18.460 And then there's, you know, surrounding yourself with good people. You know, we've talked about this

00:02:22.380 a bit before. You know, who's your circle? Who's that really close inner circle? Are they your

00:02:27.900 champions? Are they the ones saying, yes, Teresa, I'm so proud of you. Keep going. It could be your

00:02:33.100 family, which is, you know, great and often is. But then what else does that network look like? And are

00:02:38.860 they being champions and the ones opening doors to shine your best light forward? So, I think that's

00:02:43.900 what tends to hold people back. I think a lot of it is fear or self-confidence. You know, I hate the word

00:02:48.860 imposter syndrome, but the imposter syndrome piece and not necessarily knowing where you want to go.

00:02:54.300 So there's a lot there. So let's start with fear. Let's dive into that one a little bit more.

00:02:59.900 So even though it is just false evidence appearing real to us, that for me, if I think about it's even

00:03:08.300 fear like that holds me back today, even after all the work that I've done. But we have this internal

00:03:14.460 voice that keeps us stuck, that keeps us limited, that keeps us playing small. And that I use this

00:03:22.540 analogy and it comes from from religion that I grew up Catholic. And, you know, they talk about this,

00:03:28.780 you know, devil and angel on your shoulder. But I really think of those two voices as like my limited

00:03:36.220 ego self and then my God self on the other shoulder and the God self, which is my spiritual self,

00:03:42.860 that is always saying to me, Teresa, you're awesome. You're incredible. You're magnificent.

00:03:47.900 You're powerful. You're creative. You're limitless. You can do all the things that you want. And then

00:03:53.740 I have this voice that says, yeah, well, Teresa, you know, it didn't work out for you the last time.

00:03:59.100 Oh, well, you know that, you know, people aren't calling you for that. Oh, well, it's always this

00:04:04.620 little voice. And that voice is one that in order for us to start making changes, we need to become

00:04:10.780 aware of that voice even to begin with. And that at the very beginning of my journey,

00:04:16.940 I thought that's who I was. Like, I didn't even know about this voice, even though I grew up like

00:04:22.300 connected to God my entire life. Nobody told me about that little angel that is actually my higher

00:04:29.740 self, my inner being, the one that's always rooting me on. But that voice is so small. And yet the voice of

00:04:37.660 the world is the one that seems so big because of all of that programming and conditioning.

00:04:43.500 Yeah. So do you know that the average person has about 80,000 thoughts a day and most of them are

00:04:48.300 negative? So a lot of us have this negative self-talk. So if you're not aware of it, you're

00:04:53.660 going to be on that side of the shoulder thinking, I can't do this, all these things that are going to

00:04:58.300 hold you back. And so if you're aware of that, it's a little bit easier to say, I'm going to,

00:05:03.820 you know, you catch yourself. I'm not going to focus on that. I'm going to focus. Think about

00:05:06.940 all the good things that I do. Think about all the success, the successes that I've had.

00:05:11.660 And, you know, I told you I wrote two books. My books were called Why Not You? So people say,

00:05:16.300 why did you call that? I said, because I cannot tell you how many times I would sit across from

00:05:19.500 women in particular, and they would literally tell me all the reasons they could not do something. 1.00

00:05:24.940 I was literally interviewing a woman who was recommended for a job by somebody I respect highly.

00:05:31.740 As I'm talking about the job, she said, well, you know, I don't think, and I said,

00:05:35.980 Terry, are you seriously telling me you don't think you could do this job? And she said, yeah,

00:05:39.740 I'm not sure I'm ready. And I said, but the person that I respect who's in this particular area in

00:05:44.140 communications at the time thought you were fantastic. Yeah, I'm not sure. And I went, okay,

00:05:48.460 you're talking yourself out of a job that somebody basically said, look at her. And we were a small

00:05:54.860 company. And so I just said, I think you, we have to really think about when you catch yourself when you're

00:05:59.340 doing that and say, well, why am I saying that to myself? Do I do good things? Yes.

00:06:02.540 So I love the fact that you said how you started about all the great things about yourself. And

00:06:07.260 those are things that I think people should write down more often and remind themselves. I did this.

00:06:12.060 I did this. I did this. You know, I said to you, when I did my introduction, I think before we

00:06:17.100 officially started, I was in a company where somebody said to me, you know, I was doing a training.

00:06:21.900 And then I got a call from a woman, an older lady saying, well, you know, 0.99

00:06:25.580 you really need to tone down that introduction. And I thought, huh. And I sort of asked why it's

00:06:31.420 like, you know, we just, you know, want to be a little bit more modest. And I thought, well,

00:06:35.100 I could be, but I'm not sure it's about being modest or humble or not humble. Those are facts.

00:06:40.460 Those are accomplishments. Those are things I did while raising a family, working full time,

00:06:46.140 getting five degrees and doing it all really well. So I'm pretty proud of that actually. So if that makes

00:06:52.460 that other person feel uncomfortable, they need to do the work to ask themselves why that is,

00:06:56.540 because that's not a me problem. That's a you problem. And as I said to you, if it was

00:07:00.700 an executive vice president or very senior person at a bank or some other institution that was a man,

00:07:06.460 would you ever tell a man to minimize themselves? No. So when it goes back to fear, it's kind of

00:07:11.980 knowing who you are, which I think is what you were talking about. Yeah, I sort of said, I've done the

00:07:15.420 work. I kind of, this is, but this side of me, but there's this other part that's asking all these

00:07:20.060 questions and saying, why not? And all the reasons why I can't do things. And I think if you're aware

00:07:25.100 of it, that's really important. And the other part that I think is really important about what you

00:07:29.740 said is, you know, there's a statistic that says 95% of people think they're self-aware, but the actual

00:07:36.540 number is 15%. So what you just talked about, sort of the left and right shoulder, is that awareness

00:07:44.300 that you've been working on, which I think gives you an advantage, whether you realize it or not.

00:07:48.620 Because when you hear that negative voice, you catch yourself, you know exactly what it is,

00:07:52.780 and you can lean into the positive voice. But if you're a woman that's on the other side,

00:07:57.500 you're not seeing the, I'm good. I deserve to be here. I've earned it. And that's really hard.

00:08:03.420 Yes. And it led me to the lowest point of my life, because the only voice that I heard

00:08:08.220 was the limited one. And that it was always tearing me up, criticizing me, limiting me,

00:08:15.500 sabotaging me with all of the same things that you're saying that the women that you work with

00:08:22.460 and try to empower, it's identifying that voice. But I thought that's all that I was.

00:08:29.500 What was the turning point for you? So for me, it was the milestone of turning 40

00:08:34.620 that had me taking a step back and reevaluating my life. So I think we have that crossroad moment

00:08:40.540 that's brought on by many different things, right? A loss, a death, an illness. For me,

00:08:46.380 it was just that. I took that step back and I looked at my life and it looked perfect.

00:08:52.460 I had achieved all the things that family, society, culture, and religion told me I needed to have a

00:08:58.060 happy life. So fulfilling career as an educator, beautiful in our own home, healthy family, cars

00:09:05.340 in the driveway, vacations a year, lots of beautiful material things. So if my life literally checked off

00:09:11.180 all the boxes, how is it that I still felt unhappy and unfulfilled? And it didn't matter how much more

00:09:16.620 education I got, how much more I tried to help people through my work. I always felt like, is this

00:09:22.700 all there is to life where you get up, you go to work, you come home and it's eat, sleep, repeat?

00:09:29.100 And I'm like, could I imagine living the same life for the next 40 years if I had arrived at half my

00:09:35.340 life at that point? And I'm like, I can't. And then I didn't talk about it with anyone

00:09:42.380 for fear of loss of love and rejection. Because if I were to say something to someone, you know,

00:09:47.340 Teresa, what do you have to complain about? Your life looks perfect.

00:09:51.740 But yet on the inside, I feel so unhappy and then not talking about it. So that has become so much

00:09:58.940 part of my message that it is so important for us to find those people who we think that we can talk

00:10:04.700 to you like those, those maybe that trusted friend or family member, instead of suffering in silence,

00:10:10.700 because I perpetuated those lies in my head to an even greater degree, where I believe nobody loved

00:10:17.900 me like my parents, my, my husband, my, my siblings. It was all lies. And, and, you know, I talk about

00:10:26.460 this in my TEDx talk too, that's entitled Does Money Buy Happiness? This spiraling into this very deep

00:10:33.260 and dark hole that at that point, when you're at your rock bottom, you have no right to go up.

00:10:39.820 Yeah, that's interesting. So tell me what the work looked like for you.

00:10:44.300 It was years of really deep healing. So when we go to a circle back to this discussion,

00:10:51.900 is that because I wasn't loving myself, I didn't know what that was. I was looking for love outside

00:10:58.940 myself and, and everybody else, and then always feeling disappointed that nobody loved me the

00:11:05.740 way that I, that I wanted them to, but I wasn't loving myself at all. And all the things outside

00:11:11.900 my life that I had problems with, were all stemming from the problems I had within myself, that our

00:11:18.700 external environment is only ever a reflection of our internal one. And so when I started to realize

00:11:25.740 and do the work, so you said, what did that look like? So for me that, that very, because what

00:11:30.620 happened actually was, I had questions of those questions that I said of my life, felt that no,

00:11:37.020 I couldn't talk to anybody. And I'm like, only God's going to be able to help me. So I went to see a

00:11:41.820 medium, and this is over 10 years ago. And I said, I have questions I need to hear, I need to know.

00:11:48.220 And she said, Spirit is telling me you need to meditate. Now, over 10 years ago, meditation was not so

00:11:54.300 cool as it is now. And so it was weird and woo woo. And I actually couldn't end up, even though

00:12:01.580 I was reaping the benefits of that practice, and I wanted to shout it on the rooftops to tell

00:12:07.260 everybody, oh my God, this is something that you don't know about. I had to practice it also in

00:12:13.420 silence and then found this meditation community and all of that. But it helped me to find a part of

00:12:19.180 myself that I didn't know about, which was that spiritual self, that infinite eternal part of me.

00:12:25.980 But that inner voice that was always there, always cheering me on, loving me, appreciating me,

00:12:34.620 and saying all those things that I wasn't even aware of, because I was only aware of the louder

00:12:41.100 external voice. Yeah. You know, it's funny when I work, you know, I do a lot of coaching with people,

00:12:45.340 as you know, when I talk to, to my clients, to women, men, all, you know, I do, you know, everyone,

00:12:53.420 but specifically I say, I want you to think about and write down, you know, do you keep a journal?

00:12:59.020 People are like, oh, I don't, you know, I don't journal. I'm like, you don't have to write

00:13:02.060 every little thing you're feeling, but do you write down your accomplishments? Do you write down,

00:13:06.700 today was a good day, boy, today I knocked this out of the park, or I got these compliments, or someone said

00:13:11.740 something? And just, just these little points of affirmation remind you externally what people

00:13:18.060 think, right? And then it's funny, you said 40, and I remember when I turned 40, I was being

00:13:23.820 interviewed for a job. And I remember thinking, oh, I know what they're going to expect me to look

00:13:29.020 like for this role. And I thought, I'm a little funky, as you can probably tell. And so I thought,

00:13:34.620 you know, I'm going to, I remember thinking about the outfit and I had like this little bit of like

00:13:39.340 funkiness to it. And I thought, okay, if, if I show up and this makes them uncomfortable,

00:13:44.140 then it's probably not the right place for me, to be honest with you. And, and so, I mean,

00:13:48.940 I did get the job and they were okay with it, but I mean, I didn't come in with like, I mean,

00:13:53.180 I came in businessy, but with just a little flair, um, because I thought I need to bring myself to

00:13:59.580 work. I know exactly who I am. And I remember it was fun. I had like six interviews and 10 reference

00:14:05.100 checks for the job. And the last interview I had was a one-on-one with the person hiring me.

00:14:09.180 It was very senior role. And I remember saying, it was just sort of a kind of two couches, coffee,

00:14:14.220 just talking very informal. And I said to him, I just want to tell you something about me. Uh,

00:14:20.300 I'm going to always tell you what I think. It's going to be in your best interest. You may not always

00:14:24.940 like it, but it's going to be in your interest and the best interest of the organization.

00:14:29.100 So if you're okay with that, I'm your girl. And if not, you should probably go on to the next

00:14:33.900 candidate. And I remember so telling my partner and he went, are you insane? I know you're going 1.00

00:14:38.780 to lose the job. And I thought, no, you know, if I do, then it's probably not the job for me.

00:14:43.740 If that, if they just want a yes person, because that's really not who I am.

00:14:47.340 And I'm pretty open about that. And I don't think I come across as that, but just in case,

00:14:51.500 and they gave me the job and, and, uh, you know, it was lots of success, but, but the people I worked

00:14:56.540 with, I found, especially the men that I worked with were quite okay. You know, as I realized I'm here,

00:15:03.180 but there's trust and I am looking out for the, we're fine with it. You know, women were a little 1.00

00:15:07.900 bit harder, but I know you've experienced the same thing. Um, but we're coming along. And that's

00:15:12.060 actually one of the reasons I created Women Helping Empower Women was to say like, how do I help other

00:15:16.300 women address those insecurities? How do I help them scale? How do I help them get to see themselves 1.00

00:15:22.140 the way I see them? Cause I see potential in people. I don't see the negative. And it's not like I have

00:15:27.020 rose colored glasses, you know, it's just more, I want, I can see something in you that maybe you can't see in

00:15:31.820 yourself. So let me help you channel that to do better and be where you want to be. Yeah. It's

00:15:36.620 beautiful. And all that inner work. So that, that self love piece for me was that I wasn't loving,

00:15:43.900 honoring or respecting myself. And therefore I felt like the external environment was always not doing

00:15:50.700 that, not respecting me, not honoring me. You know, but Teresa, I wonder if it's, you know,

00:15:55.660 we have been raised as women to give. Yeah. Right. And I tell people, if you think about

00:16:03.340 just how people are conditioned, I'm going to say North America. Okay. Just, uh, you know,

00:16:08.940 girls, you're supposed to be liked. Right. When you think about, I tell people, think about this.

00:16:14.860 When we think about men and women, how we have beauty pageants, they don't have beauty pageants for men.

00:16:20.700 Who's the prettiest. We have Miss Congeniality, right? Miss Photogenic. It's all about sort of

00:16:25.580 those things. Guys, what do you have? You have the quarterback. Even if you don't like the quarterback

00:16:29.580 in a football game, you still support the quarterback. So the team wins. We don't get conditioned that way.

00:16:34.940 I mean, women, girls in sports do better because they're, that's a different mindset. But if you're not 1.00

00:16:38.780 in those sort of competitive sports, we're conditioned to be nice, play nice. And then what happens

00:16:45.020 when there's only, who gets crowned? Only one winner. So what happens? We all pretend to be nice. Like,

00:16:49.420 Oh yeah, I'm so happy for her. But are you? And so I don't think that we set the conditions from

00:16:55.580 early on. So how we, I think, create the, you know, our generations, like at my house,

00:16:59.820 I have my daughter and two boys. There's equal treatment. I was very conscientious of that in

00:17:05.820 our household so that there isn't that, that kind of the uneven level playing field. But it also,

00:17:12.300 I think, sets the stage of how we see ourselves as women and how we see others. And that's the

00:17:18.460 reflection. So, you know, part of it is that validation that we're looking for. And I'm

00:17:22.220 thinking, do you really need that? Like who's validating you at the end of the day?

00:17:25.980 Right. And you've figured out that you don't need that as much. But I think as we grew up,

00:17:31.100 the idea was that validation needs to come from other people, right? They have to like us. So

00:17:35.100 they say, Oh, Teresa is so sweet. Oh, she's so kind. But the thing is, if they're taking and not

00:17:39.660 giving, then those are not people that you want in your life. And it's okay if you just want to give

00:17:44.220 and you're at a space and maybe that's the space you're in now because your cup is

00:17:47.900 overflowing. But when your cup isn't, it's a lot harder to do.

00:17:50.860 And that's why it's so important for us to do the work. Like you said, what work did you do?

00:17:55.260 Yeah. So that was that was that very first practice. But then there were a whole bunch of

00:18:00.140 life coaching courses that I do, I did, that ended up all helping me to become more aware of

00:18:07.900 like some of that, that those shadows inside and those limiting beliefs. And I think of all aspects

00:18:14.620 of ourself, our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual self, that that mental part is the part

00:18:20.620 that I feel like is so strong, right, that it's it's constantly on, it's constantly talking inside

00:18:27.660 of our head about, you know, what we have to do next or, or, and, and for a lot of people keeping

00:18:33.740 us in the past, yeah, right, instead of instead of helping us to move forward and in the direction

00:18:39.180 that we want to go. And that's where I feel like coaching is so different, right? Then let's say

00:18:43.740 therapy and counseling that seems to be so much about, you know, healing, what happened to us in the past,

00:18:51.020 that, but I feel like if we put too much emphasis on that, instead of taking away the learning that

00:18:57.500 we're supposed to take from those situations, but keeping us in that space, instead of recognizing

00:19:04.940 all that came out of those experiences that can help now, because we're still standing here,

00:19:10.380 right, we're here in this moment, despite all of those things, how do we, how do we harness that

00:19:17.420 strength and courage and wisdom that we gain to be able to move us in that direction? And, you know,

00:19:23.500 yes, being aware of that fear, but what would you say that can help us to do that? Now, how do we,

00:19:30.060 how do we move forward, even despite of all of our, like, mistakes and regrets and trauma and a lot of

00:19:37.420 things that people want that they want? I don't know if they want it to hold them back, but it does.

00:19:43.580 It absolutely does. So look, I think there's so many things you talked about that I think are

00:19:48.940 really interesting. So there's the understanding and the work and the therapy. And I think that's

00:19:54.700 great because often some of that speaks to the underlying behaviors of how, of where you are and

00:20:00.140 why you're stuck to use your word from earlier. So when I work with people and I do coaching,

00:20:05.100 I talk about, well, what do you want to do? Like, where do you want to go? What does that actually

00:20:09.900 look like? And then how do you create the conditions to get you there? And most people

00:20:16.220 will say, like, when I've done this in groups, people say, oh, I want a promotion. Like, okay,

00:20:19.660 great, Teresa. What does that look like? Oh, I want to be a director. Director of what?

00:20:25.180 In the organization. How far was that? Well, if I set you in 18 months, could you get there?

00:20:29.820 How would you get there? And they're like, I don't know. I'm like, okay. So if you don't know,

00:20:32.940 you're not going to get there. It's a lottery. Right. But if you say, this is the role I would

00:20:38.460 like, then let's work on how we get you there. So for example, you know, I'm working with a client

00:20:44.380 who, you know, he knew the opportunity was coming and I was like, okay, great. So we did some coaching

00:20:52.060 and it wasn't like we needed, you know, 30 years of coaching. It was literally 10 sessions, but it was,

00:20:57.900 let's talk about how you're showing up. Let's talk about your communication skills. Let's talk about how

00:21:02.460 you're presenting. Let's talk about how you're providing information to people above you

00:21:07.340 and change that so that when the role comes up, you're set. And now he's at that point where I

00:21:13.020 was getting, I caught a call last week and I'm like, he said, you're not going to believe what

00:21:16.140 happened. I'm like, I believe what happened because I could see the difference and he saw the difference.

00:21:21.420 His boss saw the difference. So I say to people, if you want to think about where you're going,

00:21:26.300 coaching is really where it can help you to develop that. But I think really like you want to get a good

00:21:31.420 coach. There's lots of coaches. You want to get a good coach who can say to you, not like, oh,

00:21:35.660 tell me Teresa. So what's happening? I mean, that's almost therapy and maybe that's what you want.

00:21:42.540 But if you want a progressive way to move, then you need someone who's going to hold you a little

00:21:47.020 bit accountable and work on what a plan could look like and then what the pieces are in place to get

00:21:52.460 there. So if I think about what the journey you just described, you did a lot of that for yourself.

00:21:56.860 I mean, it's taken time, but you've done that, but you did that yourself. So most people are stuck

00:22:02.860 because they can't figure out how to do that for themselves. So you really sometimes need to work

00:22:06.140 with someone to help you plan that through, but thinking about, well, what does that roadmap look

00:22:11.260 like? Who do I need to connect with to get there? How do I leverage my network? How do I change maybe how

00:22:17.260 I'm coming across to get to where I want? Maybe there's certain sectors that are a good fit for me.

00:22:21.740 Maybe certain sectors are not a good for me. Maybe people don't like someone with blonde, 0.87

00:22:25.180 curly hair. I don't know. And if that makes you uncomfortable, maybe that's not the place I need

00:22:29.980 to work. So all of those things, all of those things, I think, come into play.

00:22:34.780 And what you just said reminded me of something that you said earlier, that if you went in with

00:22:41.260 that particular outfit and they weren't going to be keen on you just because of that, that that's

00:22:47.340 probably not your space. And that I think as we continue to live more authentically,

00:22:54.300 and I didn't know who that was, that really at that milestone of turning 40,

00:22:58.540 I realized that I had lost myself in the living of my life, that I actually didn't know who I was.

00:23:03.980 You have kids, right? Yes, I do. So by the time you were 40, you had two kids. And how old were they?

00:23:12.300 They were young. So they were sucking up a bunch of your time. So it's not just having kids. They

00:23:18.700 probably were in activities, there was school, there was homework. So you literally were just

00:23:23.660 overflowing with giving and very little for yourself. So I find that's actually a turning

00:23:30.620 point for a lot of women because at that point, the kids are a bit more dependent, independent. 1.00

00:23:34.700 You don't need to be changing diapers and all of that. And then that's where you're like, okay,

00:23:38.860 I mean, you recognize there's going to be more coming up. And so now what? Is this all you're

00:23:45.020 going to do? And for some people, maybe that's what makes them happy and good for you. But if there's

00:23:49.900 more to you, and obviously there is, then that's really, I think, where your challenge is because

00:23:53.660 your identity was at risk. Like you were losing your identity.

00:23:57.660 I was. It was all cut up in my roles and responsibilities. It's like, who's Teresa?

00:24:02.620 Well, Teresa's the mom and Teresa's the educator. And I'm the wife and I'm the daughter-in-law.

00:24:07.580 Like it was all me and me wearing many different masks, right? It was like, well,

00:24:12.940 who do I have to be at work? And who do I be with like his family and my family?

00:24:15.420 But Teresa, think about it. When you meet somebody, how do people identify normally?

00:24:19.660 You meet someone at a function, you go, Hey, how are you? My name is Teresa. You go,

00:24:22.860 Great, Teresa. And that's the first question. What do you do? Like, why, you know, they say,

00:24:26.780 Oh, I brought you to this event, maybe. Or they might say, So what do you do?

00:24:30.940 And people say, Oh, I'm in banking or I'm an analyst or I'm in whatever.

00:24:34.860 Yeah. So we define ourselves nine times out of 10 by the jobs, which is why when people lose their

00:24:40.940 jobs, they often lose their identity. And they're very, I mean, it's very difficult for them. But if

00:24:45.980 you don't identify by what you do and more about who you are, then that's just the holding place.

00:24:53.660 It was a place where you contributed and you can move on and it makes it much easier. But if you're

00:24:58.140 identifying yourself by that one role or the place that you work, that's very difficult. I had a

00:25:03.020 friend of mine where her husband was in a company for 20 years and then was let go during COVID.

00:25:08.540 Two years of depression. I mean, it was really brutal.

00:25:11.100 Wow.

00:25:11.820 But it was because they spent their entire, that was their, that was their identity.

00:25:16.220 So I think for you, what, you know, what I love about your story is that you recognized

00:25:21.180 that was a bit lost and then you found it and now you're honing in and now you're sharing it with

00:25:25.900 others to say, here's what I've learned.

00:25:27.820 Yeah.

00:25:28.620 Let me share that knowledge and help you do better.

00:25:31.100 So I love that.

00:25:31.740 And, and I have to always check in with myself, right?

00:25:35.260 That I have to say, is this something that really aligns with me?

00:25:38.860 Do these people align with me?

00:25:41.020 Do these spaces align?

00:25:42.380 And I feel like the more that we honor ourselves in that way, that, you know,

00:25:48.620 with the law of attraction and just the energy that we put out, that we, we will then attract

00:25:53.900 more of that, which we are. So we find more of those people, like how I found you, right?

00:25:59.500 That are of the, that are vibrating at that same frequency as us, right?

00:26:03.820 That they are also working on at that same energy field, let's say.

00:26:08.540 And that I, and my life just continues to get happier and better when I continue to honor me,

00:26:15.100 right? Because we're always emitting a signal.

00:26:18.220 And if that signal is our true and authentic self.

00:26:21.260 So I get this question around relationships where people say, well,

00:26:24.700 I can't seem to find the perfect person, or I'm attracting all of this like 0.76

00:26:29.820 stuff that I really don't want.

00:26:31.500 And it's like, well, what signal are you putting out, right?

00:26:36.380 Because you are then a magnet for that of that same signal.

00:26:40.540 So if you don't like what's showing up around you, think about what, what are you radiating?

00:26:46.380 Yeah.

00:26:47.100 Right?

00:26:47.500 Yeah.

00:26:48.060 Yeah.

00:26:48.380 I would say it's interesting.

00:26:49.740 So there's that, and there's a sense of, you know, you probably have to take a pause

00:26:53.660 and do that self-reflection, because there is something about how you're showing up for

00:26:57.740 others that's attracting them to you.

00:27:00.220 Right?

00:27:00.780 So I think that's, that's really good.

00:27:02.140 And I think too, you know what, when you have a certain energy, there's people that

00:27:05.020 actually love that and get attracted to it.

00:27:07.900 And, you know, we talked about this a little bit earlier.

00:27:11.020 I do think that when you're doing great work and you're rising, there's going to be people

00:27:15.500 that are just going to be loving that and want to be in that glow.

00:27:20.060 You know, I think I said to you, you get this light, Sean.

00:27:22.700 There's this glow that people just want to be in that warmth and that, that sun.

00:27:26.860 And there are going to be people that are not going to be happy to be in the shadow of that.

00:27:31.740 And then there's people sort of further removed that are looking up at that and going,

00:27:34.780 I love that, right? So I think, you know, what's very difficult, particularly for women,

00:27:41.180 is trying to navigate through those who are just happy to be in that warmth and glow and love

00:27:46.060 and adore what you're doing. Those who are in the shadow going, eh, that's a them problem.

00:27:51.980 And then those who are further away going, I love, I love what she's doing and she's so great

00:27:56.380 and I admire that and I want to figure out how can I be like you. And so I think if we can sort

00:28:01.500 of see those layers, we can navigate things a bit better and help others that way too.

00:28:06.620 And then think about how we use that energy and the energy that we attract and the energy we might

00:28:10.620 say, I'm going to just put you on hold for a little while.

00:28:13.340 Yeah, thank you. And so for anyone that might be listening and is, you know, some of what we're

00:28:19.820 talking about is resonating with them. What are maybe some strategies that you might encourage them to

00:28:26.700 maybe start implementing in their life so that they can recognize some of these amazing qualities

00:28:32.860 within themselves? And, and to have that, that voice of their, of their inner, their higher,

00:28:39.900 their higher self or that their inner being start to speak a little bit more loudly to them where it

00:28:45.820 is that we're all magnificent and extraordinary rather than the, the one that seems to be shouting,

00:28:52.860 but often shouting a lot of negativity and yeah. So, you know, first of all, I'm going to say,

00:28:57.900 I think there's a lot from the things that you said, you know, you talked about reflection,

00:29:03.500 you talked about self-awareness, you talked about doing the work, you talked about my meditation,

00:29:09.820 but I know you also said you have faith. You talked about nature to me, you know, so those are all

00:29:15.100 really important things that ground us and I think are important. So I would say all of those.

00:29:20.300 I'd also say on a, like on a more, I'm going to say for lack of a, I'm going to put practical in

00:29:25.260 quotes here, but I think when you're thinking about all of that and how do you do that, there's a bit

00:29:31.260 of an assessment that you have to do in terms of who's in my circle and who should be in my circle

00:29:38.540 and recognizing you're going to lose, you know, I think I, I said this to you when we were having a

00:29:43.420 coffee last week and chatting over the phone, you know, there was this great, um, analogy around

00:29:49.740 the rocket and the boosters. I love that. And it was this, you know, as your rocket goes up and you're

00:29:55.420 kind of moving, you know, your rise is going really great. There's going to be people that watching

00:30:00.300 going, oh wow. And there's going to be people attached, but also some of those boosters have

00:30:04.620 to come off so that you can make it to the top. So not everyone is going to be on that rocket ship with

00:30:08.620 you to the top to let you shine and glow brightly. So you have to decide who's going to be. And then

00:30:14.540 those that fall off probably were never meant to be there with you for the whole ride anyway.

00:30:19.260 And that's okay. So as long as you're going to be okay with losing people along the way

00:30:24.460 and not taking it personally saying, this is as far as they can come on this ride. And I'm okay with

00:30:29.660 that, but really investing in yourself and keeping it tight in a group. I have kids. I said this to you,

00:30:34.780 you have children. I've told my kids, you don't need 500 friends. You don't need 20 friends. You

00:30:39.580 need two or three good ones that will show up when you call them. That's literally what we need.

00:30:43.500 Those are like your, you know, ride or die kind of people. So that's one. Two, I would say social

00:30:49.020 media is great, but use it mindfully. And I tell people it's fake book, not Facebook. And I could say,

00:30:55.340 you know, same thing about Instagram and all the others, because I know when I do these talks and I 0.99

00:31:00.620 give people, you know, I'm doing training and I say to people, who is posting looking like crap? 0.97

00:31:05.820 Nobody. Who is talking about how terrible their life is? Everything you see nowadays is filtered. 0.97

00:31:10.940 Our faces are filtered, right? I mean, I don't, I don't do that partially because I'm like, you're

00:31:15.580 going to see me and I'd rather you just see me the way I am. So I'd rather be saying you look better

00:31:19.740 in person than like, oh, you know, so I prefer not to do that. I just, this is who I am and I'm okay with it.

00:31:26.460 The other part is everyone's posting like, I'm back to dinner and look at me at this event. You

00:31:30.220 know, I'm living our very best life. Look at me on holidays, but you actually don't know what's

00:31:34.300 happening at home. So I just say to people, you just have to take that with a grain of salt and not

00:31:40.780 measure yourself by those standards. Keeping a journal is important. And I, this is what I talk

00:31:46.220 about writing about the good things and having gratitude. So I said this to you when we spoke last

00:31:52.300 week, I said, you know, I wake up every day with gratitude. People say, you always seem so happy.

00:31:56.860 Why are you so happy? I mean, this has been with me since I was a kid, but I do wake up with, you

00:32:02.460 know, thank you, God. I have a roof over my hand. I have a great partner. I have three wonderful kids.

00:32:07.500 My parents are still alive. Thank God. And they're in pretty good health. Thank God. Right. I have a job.

00:32:13.340 I can pay the bills. Um, you know, I have food on the table. I mean, that is an abundance

00:32:19.020 compared to what some other people have. And, you know, I had somebody else say to me,

00:32:23.340 even a couple of weeks ago, she said to me, I forgot that though, you know, it was sort of like,

00:32:27.020 oh, how do you deal with adversity? And I thought, well, I mean, it's there. And she said, yeah,

00:32:34.700 but you know, I would love to hear your story. And I said, well, how are you defining adversity?

00:32:38.940 She said, what do you mean? And she said, well, you know, you're a woman, you've had these issues,

00:32:42.300 you know, you've got, you know, your ethnicity. And I said, okay, so adversity compared to what's

00:32:47.580 happening to women in Gaza, compared to women in Ukraine, compared to women of color in some

00:32:54.380 part, like, so compared to who? So, yes, I've had adversity, but I, if I put it into the bigger

00:33:01.260 context of life, it's minimal. And it's not to downplay the challenges I've had. I've had them,

00:33:10.140 but I would say, thank God, again, right? I've had a good life and I put it all in perspective.

00:33:17.500 And I always say, if your perspective is right, then everything is possible, right? Nothing's

00:33:21.740 impossible really. And so that's what I would say to people. Think about the perspective,

00:33:25.580 think about your network, think about who's in your circle, think about doing all the things that you

00:33:29.500 have done to get to where you've gone, because I think those are excellent. And if you need to work

00:33:33.420 with a coach, work on that, and then think about where you want to go. And then my last point would

00:33:37.820 be, what do you want your legacy to be? So we're all here for a time. So if you were to look back,

00:33:43.980 what do you want your legacy to be? And if you think about that question, then think about that mark

00:33:50.140 that you want to leave and how are you working towards that? And then I think you might be able to align

00:33:55.180 with your purpose a bit more. Oh, all amazing, all amazing things. When I think about, and that

00:34:01.660 question about legacy is something that, that after with all of this, I became more of a priority, but

00:34:08.380 also I tie it into that idea that if I'm on my deathbed and I look back at my life, I don't want

00:34:15.580 to die with regrets. Yeah. That I would have, I would have regretted a lot of, a lot of things that I

00:34:22.380 wasn't doing because I was trying to please other people because I wanted to be loved, liked and

00:34:27.900 accepted by others and putting myself on the, on the back burner, as you said, because as mothers

00:34:33.260 and women and all that other stuff that rolls into it, but we have to, we only get one life. 1.00

00:34:38.780 Yeah. And when you're on the other side, you realize how fast it goes.

00:34:43.180 And I think there's, there is that element of really appreciating how precious time is.

00:34:51.420 Yeah. We have less of it, no more of that. And when I think of all the things that, that I want

00:34:56.700 to do and, and because of the impact that I want to continue to make, it's like, then I realize how

00:35:02.460 important it is for me to take care of my body. Yeah. Right. Because if, if this vehicle isn't, you know,

00:35:10.300 this temple that is housing, you know, my soul and, and, and it's supposed to help me to accomplish

00:35:16.460 all the different things I need to set time for that. Right. So maybe time that I didn't need before

00:35:23.020 to necessarily like, you know, help this vessel, I now need to prioritize that. Yeah. So there's,

00:35:29.260 so that I can not live a life where I'm living with regret. And, and I want the same for, you know,

00:35:34.380 for my husband too. Yeah. I'm like, I don't want you to one day get to a place where, and you say,

00:35:38.620 well, I didn't do those things because you didn't allow me to, or you're like, oh no, like, I don't

00:35:44.780 want you to say that to me. And I don't want to be the reason why you feel like you didn't live your

00:35:49.820 best and fullest life. Yes. Yes. Yeah. You know, I think that's so important. It's funny. And I was

00:35:53.740 thinking about COVID just yesterday and I thought, gosh, and I don't know why it came up in my, my head,

00:35:59.740 but I was thinking I was probably the most productive. And other than the horrible sort of things that

00:36:05.100 happened to people who got sick during COVID, it was in many ways a very good time for me in the 1.00

00:36:12.460 sense that I was at home for the first time. I used to commute for long hours. I was home with my

00:36:16.620 family. I would sleep a little better because, you know, I focused on my business. I was having

00:36:23.820 dinner with the kids. We went back to baking again. I was going for walks every day because we could,

00:36:30.060 because I was at home. There was less noise because there was less planes and cars on the road.

00:36:35.180 I mean, so there was like the downside, of course, of all the, you know, people that got sick and

00:36:39.740 people that died and all of that part. But then the, the, in some ways it was a bit of a reset.

00:36:44.860 And I actually channeled it to rethink about, well, what do I want to do really with my life?

00:36:50.300 And so I, I would, you know, I think it's interesting because I, I also found that was a turning

00:36:54.380 point for a lot of women that I knew, and I don't know about you, but there were women 1.00

00:36:58.060 that I knew where relationships broke up, where things were good because everyone was so busy,

00:37:03.020 just describing what you were talking about. The lives were so busy that when they all of a

00:37:06.300 a sudden were under the same roof, it just blew up. And I'm sure, you know, people were right.

00:37:11.900 Yeah, me too. And so, and I just remember sort of going for a drive with my husband and saying,

00:37:18.140 we need to have a bit of a conversation. You know, we spent a kind of a day, we drove,

00:37:22.460 we had a conversation. I didn't want to do it around with the kids, but thought like,

00:37:25.420 how do we kind of do a bit of a reset? Right. So it wasn't that anything was bad. It was just

00:37:29.740 more like all of a sudden now we're together 24 seven and how do we want to work together

00:37:34.780 in this household and kind of create some boundaries and with the children and still

00:37:39.260 kind of live our best life. But then how do we kind of lean into this? And in fact,

00:37:44.460 our marriage got much better. Right. But I think it's because I saw some of that and thought,

00:37:49.660 okay, I'm going to, let's make sure we kind of do this well, but I, but anyways, I just wanted to

00:37:54.460 say that because I was thinking about the comments that you said about relationships and you want

00:37:57.740 someone to live their best life. And I thought, you know, that was a bit of a turning point for many

00:38:01.180 people. And if you succeeded in that and you leaned into kind of what you want out of life,

00:38:07.980 then I think great. And if not, I'm not sure how it played out for others.

00:38:11.420 Well, thank you for that point, because when we identify things in our life that aren't working

00:38:17.820 well for us, the right approach is to tackle those things and, and have those hard conversations

00:38:24.620 instead of numbing it out. So how many people numb out the hardships in their life with, you know,

00:38:31.500 various addictions, substances, alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, lots of other things instead of

00:38:41.180 instead of trying to figure out how they can work on those areas that they feel are not functioning

00:38:48.380 well. Yeah. Yeah. Or saying just like, let's have a reset or let's have whatever. Right. So

00:38:53.420 I just think it's important. I also think it goes back to what you said earlier, which is,

00:38:56.700 you know, we talked about your circles, right? And so you've got your partner, your husband,

00:39:01.420 you've got your kids, you probably have maybe siblings, but all those were things that were

00:39:05.580 on the negative have, you've turned into a positive. And you've also decided where those boundaries

00:39:10.460 are going to be what they look like. Yeah. And I think those are hard places to be.

00:39:15.340 But if you know what they are and you honor them, you're a much happier person. Yeah.

00:39:20.220 Right. So you can have not only a happy hour, but you can have a happy day. Right.

00:39:23.740 That rolls into a happy week. That's right. That's right. But it starts with, you know,

00:39:30.940 you have to take the steps first. Right. Yeah. Yeah. There's, there's a saying that my instructor

00:39:35.260 uses at the gym that says, you know, the best time it would have, it would have been to start

00:39:41.260 making these changes would have been like 10 years ago. But then the second best time is like today.

00:39:46.620 Yes. Right. Yeah.

00:39:47.900 So, you know, we can always say, well, well, but really every day, if we saw it as a reset,

00:39:54.300 that every day is a new day for us to like, and we don't need it to be a Monday or we don't need it,

00:40:00.620 you know, like sometimes, you know, with a diet or something like, well, I'll just start on Monday.

00:40:05.580 Yeah. Yeah. You know, but like, listen, I mean, you know, I have a wedding coming up and I'm just

00:40:11.020 like, okay, I need to get into this dress. And then I look at my son who's cut out all these things

00:40:16.620 to my younger boy. And I'm thinking, oh my God, I don't, yes, I want to do that, but I don't know that

00:40:22.140 I'm just too old to do that. Like I want to, I want to be healthy. I'm just not sure I want to eat

00:40:27.340 tuna for a week so I can get into a dress for one day. You know, so you kind of sit your priorities,

00:40:32.780 but you figure out who you are, but then you also have to begin with your health and wellness.

00:40:37.420 And that's something I'm actually trying to focus more on because when you work a lot,

00:40:42.380 you're prioritizing some of the things for you. Go lower on the food chain and you just really need

00:40:47.420 to, if you're not there physically, mentally, emotionally well, you can't serve others.

00:40:52.460 You can't help others. No, we're not showing up as like the best version of ourselves.

00:40:56.620 No, of course not. And that ends up being disappointing for us in the end too.

00:41:00.460 But people feel it, right? Yeah, it's also for women. You have to remember,

00:41:03.660 like if you think at home, who does most of the heavy lifting? No disrespect to our male 0.75

00:41:07.580 counterparts, but you know, when something happens, kids go mom. When there's caretaking for elderly

00:41:13.820 parents, it's always, it's more likely to be women than men. And that's a data point. That's not just

00:41:18.380 me making that up. So if you think about the weight that's on our shoulders and the fact that all the

00:41:25.020 women are working and have more degrees than their male counterparts, they're still not making as much 1.00

00:41:29.740 money as men. So with all of those kind of the inequities, it's very hard because we don't

00:41:35.500 prioritize ourselves because we're so just busy trying to keep going and serving that it's important

00:41:40.380 once in a while to prioritize yourself because only then you can level up and help others.

00:41:45.180 Now, if we were going to end this episode with, you know, an insight of yours, like maybe something

00:41:52.380 that you tend to like live your own life, almost like a model for yourself or one that you encourage

00:41:59.500 other people to take in and do for themselves, what would you say that could be?

00:42:06.940 I don't know if that's one thing, but I'll say, look, gratitude every morning I think is important

00:42:13.420 because it sets your mindset for the day. I think that's really important. I would say if you are

00:42:20.380 ambitious and want to move ahead, have a plan, 18 months, 12 to 18 months and map out how you're going

00:42:28.220 to do that. If you don't do that, you're not going to get there. It's just an idea, not a plan.

00:42:31.820 And then surround yourself with people who are going to be your champions and your sponsors and

00:42:38.620 be selective because not everyone's going to admire the light that you bring to your face,

00:42:44.940 not always that you want that. And then be part of groups like Women Helping Empower Women, part of

00:42:50.620 what you're doing to say, I want to be in circles where this is celebrated, not a negative, but it's

00:42:57.020 like, I love being around a Teresa who just is genuine and wants that good for me, right?

00:43:04.380 Because we both believe and you put good out, good comes back. And so I believe that you believe

00:43:09.020 that. I mean, we're very similar. So you want people like that in our circles and we want to help

00:43:14.780 people who are going to do that. You know, one of the reasons I created Ru was to be able to say,

00:43:19.340 I want to do this. And the only ask I have is you do the same for another person,

00:43:23.420 another woman, help them through. Because I feel that is how we will change the tide in our favor,

00:43:28.060 right? And so I think that's all I would ask for. And I think those are kind of things that you

00:43:32.780 should be working on. And of course, the mental health and the physical health is really critical.

00:43:37.420 So walk. If you can't run and do 30 minute or dumbbells or whatever, just walk, just move.

00:43:44.460 Thank you. Thank you.

00:43:47.260 So if people want to find you and connect with you after the show, how can they do that?

00:43:50.940 Yeah. So on LinkedIn is the easiest because I'm very active on that. So that's where I am. It's

00:43:55.820 just Dr. Giorgia Zanatti. And I also have an Instagram account, Dr. Giorgia. There's only one

00:44:01.420 of me, Dr. Giorgia Zanatti. And then you can email me through our website, www.whewwomen.com.

00:44:11.900 Awesome. Thank you so much.

00:44:13.740 Thank you. Thank you.

00:44:14.540 Thanks for joining me on the happy hour. If you like the show, please like and subscribe.

00:44:20.220 If you want to learn more about me, feel free to check out my website at TeresaGreco.ca

00:44:26.460 or connect with me on social media, TeresaGreco underscore steps to happiness or steps to happiness

00:44:32.780 with TeresaGreco.

00:44:45.020 Thank you.

How to Overcome Fear and Find True Happiness

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