How to Overcome Fear and Find True Happiness
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Summary
In this episode, Dr. Georgette Zinnotti shares what she believes is the biggest thing holding people back from living their happiest lives. She talks about how to overcome fear, self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and more!
Transcript
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Hi, I'm Teresa Greco, the host of The Happy Hour, where we talk about the things that can help us
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to live our happiest lives physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Now, I'm so excited
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to welcome my guest on the show today, Dr. Georgette Zinotti, and we're going to be having an amazing
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conversation, but I'm going to let her share more about herself with you.
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So, I'm going to do my 15-second introduction that I encourage women to think about introducing
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when they do themselves. So, Dr. Georgette Zinotti, I am the CEO and founder of Women Helping Empower
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Women, which is a nonprofit. I also have my own business where I do consultancy, public speaking,
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keynotes, and so forth. In addition to that, I've done a couple of TEDx talks. I've been published
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in Forbes multiple times. I've got some recognition, which I'm really proud of for the work that I do
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in community, published a couple of books, and I'm really passionate about helping support women,
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in particular, with startups and getting them to scale their businesses. So, thank you for having
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And now you understand why you have this amazing woman with me on the show.
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Thank you for having me. I'm excited about what you're doing. I feel like we should be
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Yeah. Yeah, I know, right? That's what you think. But this is about us connecting with our
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That's right. Happy hour with coffee. That's right.
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So, I'd love to start off by talking with you about the things that you feel hold people back
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Yeah. So, that's a great question. I think for many people, it's the fear, right? What I call false
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evidence appearing real fear. So, the fear of doing the things that they really want to do, the things
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that align with their purpose. I think too many people don't really know what their purpose is.
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It takes time to figure that out. Like if you're 20, sometimes you're lucky enough to know what that
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is. But if you don't, it's figuring out purpose. And then getting rid of the mindset and the barriers
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of why you can't do something and really kind of leaning into what you think you can.
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And then there's, you know, surrounding yourself with good people. You know, we've talked about this
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a bit before. You know, who's your circle? Who's that really close inner circle? Are they your
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champions? Are they the ones saying, yes, Teresa, I'm so proud of you. Keep going. It could be your
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family, which is, you know, great and often is. But then what else does that network look like? And are
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they being champions and the ones opening doors to shine your best light forward? So, I think that's
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what tends to hold people back. I think a lot of it is fear or self-confidence. You know, I hate the word
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imposter syndrome, but the imposter syndrome piece and not necessarily knowing where you want to go.
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So there's a lot there. So let's start with fear. Let's dive into that one a little bit more.
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So even though it is just false evidence appearing real to us, that for me, if I think about it's even
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fear like that holds me back today, even after all the work that I've done. But we have this internal
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voice that keeps us stuck, that keeps us limited, that keeps us playing small. And that I use this
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analogy and it comes from from religion that I grew up Catholic. And, you know, they talk about this,
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you know, devil and angel on your shoulder. But I really think of those two voices as like my limited
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ego self and then my God self on the other shoulder and the God self, which is my spiritual self,
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that is always saying to me, Teresa, you're awesome. You're incredible. You're magnificent.
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You're powerful. You're creative. You're limitless. You can do all the things that you want. And then
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I have this voice that says, yeah, well, Teresa, you know, it didn't work out for you the last time.
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Oh, well, you know that, you know, people aren't calling you for that. Oh, well, it's always this
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little voice. And that voice is one that in order for us to start making changes, we need to become
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aware of that voice even to begin with. And that at the very beginning of my journey,
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I thought that's who I was. Like, I didn't even know about this voice, even though I grew up like
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connected to God my entire life. Nobody told me about that little angel that is actually my higher
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self, my inner being, the one that's always rooting me on. But that voice is so small. And yet the voice of
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the world is the one that seems so big because of all of that programming and conditioning.
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Yeah. So do you know that the average person has about 80,000 thoughts a day and most of them are
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negative? So a lot of us have this negative self-talk. So if you're not aware of it, you're
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going to be on that side of the shoulder thinking, I can't do this, all these things that are going to
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hold you back. And so if you're aware of that, it's a little bit easier to say, I'm going to,
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you know, you catch yourself. I'm not going to focus on that. I'm going to focus. Think about
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all the good things that I do. Think about all the success, the successes that I've had.
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And, you know, I told you I wrote two books. My books were called Why Not You? So people say,
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why did you call that? I said, because I cannot tell you how many times I would sit across from
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women in particular, and they would literally tell me all the reasons they could not do something.
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I was literally interviewing a woman who was recommended for a job by somebody I respect highly.
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As I'm talking about the job, she said, well, you know, I don't think, and I said,
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Terry, are you seriously telling me you don't think you could do this job? And she said, yeah,
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I'm not sure I'm ready. And I said, but the person that I respect who's in this particular area in
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communications at the time thought you were fantastic. Yeah, I'm not sure. And I went, okay,
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you're talking yourself out of a job that somebody basically said, look at her. And we were a small
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company. And so I just said, I think you, we have to really think about when you catch yourself when you're
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doing that and say, well, why am I saying that to myself? Do I do good things? Yes.
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So I love the fact that you said how you started about all the great things about yourself. And
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those are things that I think people should write down more often and remind themselves. I did this.
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I did this. I did this. You know, I said to you, when I did my introduction, I think before we
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officially started, I was in a company where somebody said to me, you know, I was doing a training.
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And then I got a call from a woman, an older lady saying, well, you know,
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you really need to tone down that introduction. And I thought, huh. And I sort of asked why it's
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like, you know, we just, you know, want to be a little bit more modest. And I thought, well,
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I could be, but I'm not sure it's about being modest or humble or not humble. Those are facts.
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Those are accomplishments. Those are things I did while raising a family, working full time,
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getting five degrees and doing it all really well. So I'm pretty proud of that actually. So if that makes
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that other person feel uncomfortable, they need to do the work to ask themselves why that is,
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because that's not a me problem. That's a you problem. And as I said to you, if it was
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an executive vice president or very senior person at a bank or some other institution that was a man,
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would you ever tell a man to minimize themselves? No. So when it goes back to fear, it's kind of
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knowing who you are, which I think is what you were talking about. Yeah, I sort of said, I've done the
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work. I kind of, this is, but this side of me, but there's this other part that's asking all these
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questions and saying, why not? And all the reasons why I can't do things. And I think if you're aware
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of it, that's really important. And the other part that I think is really important about what you
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said is, you know, there's a statistic that says 95% of people think they're self-aware, but the actual
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number is 15%. So what you just talked about, sort of the left and right shoulder, is that awareness
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that you've been working on, which I think gives you an advantage, whether you realize it or not.
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Because when you hear that negative voice, you catch yourself, you know exactly what it is,
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and you can lean into the positive voice. But if you're a woman that's on the other side,
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you're not seeing the, I'm good. I deserve to be here. I've earned it. And that's really hard.
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Yes. And it led me to the lowest point of my life, because the only voice that I heard
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was the limited one. And that it was always tearing me up, criticizing me, limiting me,
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sabotaging me with all of the same things that you're saying that the women that you work with
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and try to empower, it's identifying that voice. But I thought that's all that I was.
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What was the turning point for you? So for me, it was the milestone of turning 40
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that had me taking a step back and reevaluating my life. So I think we have that crossroad moment
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that's brought on by many different things, right? A loss, a death, an illness. For me,
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it was just that. I took that step back and I looked at my life and it looked perfect.
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I had achieved all the things that family, society, culture, and religion told me I needed to have a
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happy life. So fulfilling career as an educator, beautiful in our own home, healthy family, cars
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in the driveway, vacations a year, lots of beautiful material things. So if my life literally checked off
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all the boxes, how is it that I still felt unhappy and unfulfilled? And it didn't matter how much more
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education I got, how much more I tried to help people through my work. I always felt like, is this
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all there is to life where you get up, you go to work, you come home and it's eat, sleep, repeat?
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And I'm like, could I imagine living the same life for the next 40 years if I had arrived at half my
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life at that point? And I'm like, I can't. And then I didn't talk about it with anyone
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for fear of loss of love and rejection. Because if I were to say something to someone, you know,
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Teresa, what do you have to complain about? Your life looks perfect.
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But yet on the inside, I feel so unhappy and then not talking about it. So that has become so much
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part of my message that it is so important for us to find those people who we think that we can talk
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to you like those, those maybe that trusted friend or family member, instead of suffering in silence,
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because I perpetuated those lies in my head to an even greater degree, where I believe nobody loved
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me like my parents, my, my husband, my, my siblings. It was all lies. And, and, you know, I talk about
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this in my TEDx talk too, that's entitled Does Money Buy Happiness? This spiraling into this very deep
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and dark hole that at that point, when you're at your rock bottom, you have no right to go up.
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Yeah, that's interesting. So tell me what the work looked like for you.
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It was years of really deep healing. So when we go to a circle back to this discussion,
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is that because I wasn't loving myself, I didn't know what that was. I was looking for love outside
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myself and, and everybody else, and then always feeling disappointed that nobody loved me the
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way that I, that I wanted them to, but I wasn't loving myself at all. And all the things outside
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my life that I had problems with, were all stemming from the problems I had within myself, that our
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external environment is only ever a reflection of our internal one. And so when I started to realize
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and do the work, so you said, what did that look like? So for me that, that very, because what
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happened actually was, I had questions of those questions that I said of my life, felt that no,
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I couldn't talk to anybody. And I'm like, only God's going to be able to help me. So I went to see a
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medium, and this is over 10 years ago. And I said, I have questions I need to hear, I need to know.
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And she said, Spirit is telling me you need to meditate. Now, over 10 years ago, meditation was not so
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cool as it is now. And so it was weird and woo woo. And I actually couldn't end up, even though
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I was reaping the benefits of that practice, and I wanted to shout it on the rooftops to tell
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everybody, oh my God, this is something that you don't know about. I had to practice it also in
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silence and then found this meditation community and all of that. But it helped me to find a part of
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myself that I didn't know about, which was that spiritual self, that infinite eternal part of me.
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But that inner voice that was always there, always cheering me on, loving me, appreciating me,
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and saying all those things that I wasn't even aware of, because I was only aware of the louder
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external voice. Yeah. You know, it's funny when I work, you know, I do a lot of coaching with people,
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as you know, when I talk to, to my clients, to women, men, all, you know, I do, you know, everyone,
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but specifically I say, I want you to think about and write down, you know, do you keep a journal?
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People are like, oh, I don't, you know, I don't journal. I'm like, you don't have to write
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every little thing you're feeling, but do you write down your accomplishments? Do you write down,
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today was a good day, boy, today I knocked this out of the park, or I got these compliments, or someone said
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something? And just, just these little points of affirmation remind you externally what people
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think, right? And then it's funny, you said 40, and I remember when I turned 40, I was being
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interviewed for a job. And I remember thinking, oh, I know what they're going to expect me to look
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like for this role. And I thought, I'm a little funky, as you can probably tell. And so I thought,
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you know, I'm going to, I remember thinking about the outfit and I had like this little bit of like
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funkiness to it. And I thought, okay, if, if I show up and this makes them uncomfortable,
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then it's probably not the right place for me, to be honest with you. And, and so, I mean,
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I did get the job and they were okay with it, but I mean, I didn't come in with like, I mean,
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I came in businessy, but with just a little flair, um, because I thought I need to bring myself to
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work. I know exactly who I am. And I remember it was fun. I had like six interviews and 10 reference
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checks for the job. And the last interview I had was a one-on-one with the person hiring me.
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It was very senior role. And I remember saying, it was just sort of a kind of two couches, coffee,
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just talking very informal. And I said to him, I just want to tell you something about me. Uh,
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I'm going to always tell you what I think. It's going to be in your best interest. You may not always
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like it, but it's going to be in your interest and the best interest of the organization.
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So if you're okay with that, I'm your girl. And if not, you should probably go on to the next
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candidate. And I remember so telling my partner and he went, are you insane? I know you're going
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to lose the job. And I thought, no, you know, if I do, then it's probably not the job for me.
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If that, if they just want a yes person, because that's really not who I am.
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And I'm pretty open about that. And I don't think I come across as that, but just in case,
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and they gave me the job and, and, uh, you know, it was lots of success, but, but the people I worked
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with, I found, especially the men that I worked with were quite okay. You know, as I realized I'm here,
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but there's trust and I am looking out for the, we're fine with it. You know, women were a little
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bit harder, but I know you've experienced the same thing. Um, but we're coming along. And that's
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actually one of the reasons I created Women Helping Empower Women was to say like, how do I help other
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women address those insecurities? How do I help them scale? How do I help them get to see themselves
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the way I see them? Cause I see potential in people. I don't see the negative. And it's not like I have
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rose colored glasses, you know, it's just more, I want, I can see something in you that maybe you can't see in
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yourself. So let me help you channel that to do better and be where you want to be. Yeah. It's
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beautiful. And all that inner work. So that, that self love piece for me was that I wasn't loving,
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honoring or respecting myself. And therefore I felt like the external environment was always not doing
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that, not respecting me, not honoring me. You know, but Teresa, I wonder if it's, you know,
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we have been raised as women to give. Yeah. Right. And I tell people, if you think about
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just how people are conditioned, I'm going to say North America. Okay. Just, uh, you know,
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girls, you're supposed to be liked. Right. When you think about, I tell people, think about this.
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When we think about men and women, how we have beauty pageants, they don't have beauty pageants for men.
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Who's the prettiest. We have Miss Congeniality, right? Miss Photogenic. It's all about sort of
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those things. Guys, what do you have? You have the quarterback. Even if you don't like the quarterback
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in a football game, you still support the quarterback. So the team wins. We don't get conditioned that way.
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I mean, women, girls in sports do better because they're, that's a different mindset. But if you're not
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in those sort of competitive sports, we're conditioned to be nice, play nice. And then what happens
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when there's only, who gets crowned? Only one winner. So what happens? We all pretend to be nice. Like,
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Oh yeah, I'm so happy for her. But are you? And so I don't think that we set the conditions from
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early on. So how we, I think, create the, you know, our generations, like at my house,
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I have my daughter and two boys. There's equal treatment. I was very conscientious of that in
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our household so that there isn't that, that kind of the uneven level playing field. But it also,
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I think, sets the stage of how we see ourselves as women and how we see others. And that's the
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reflection. So, you know, part of it is that validation that we're looking for. And I'm
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thinking, do you really need that? Like who's validating you at the end of the day?
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Right. And you've figured out that you don't need that as much. But I think as we grew up,
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the idea was that validation needs to come from other people, right? They have to like us. So
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they say, Oh, Teresa is so sweet. Oh, she's so kind. But the thing is, if they're taking and not
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giving, then those are not people that you want in your life. And it's okay if you just want to give
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and you're at a space and maybe that's the space you're in now because your cup is
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overflowing. But when your cup isn't, it's a lot harder to do.
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And that's why it's so important for us to do the work. Like you said, what work did you do?
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Yeah. So that was that was that very first practice. But then there were a whole bunch of
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life coaching courses that I do, I did, that ended up all helping me to become more aware of
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like some of that, that those shadows inside and those limiting beliefs. And I think of all aspects
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of ourself, our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual self, that that mental part is the part
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that I feel like is so strong, right, that it's it's constantly on, it's constantly talking inside
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of our head about, you know, what we have to do next or, or, and, and for a lot of people keeping
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us in the past, yeah, right, instead of instead of helping us to move forward and in the direction
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that we want to go. And that's where I feel like coaching is so different, right? Then let's say
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therapy and counseling that seems to be so much about, you know, healing, what happened to us in the past,
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that, but I feel like if we put too much emphasis on that, instead of taking away the learning that
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we're supposed to take from those situations, but keeping us in that space, instead of recognizing
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all that came out of those experiences that can help now, because we're still standing here,
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right, we're here in this moment, despite all of those things, how do we, how do we harness that
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strength and courage and wisdom that we gain to be able to move us in that direction? And, you know,
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yes, being aware of that fear, but what would you say that can help us to do that? Now, how do we,
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how do we move forward, even despite of all of our, like, mistakes and regrets and trauma and a lot of
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things that people want that they want? I don't know if they want it to hold them back, but it does.
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It absolutely does. So look, I think there's so many things you talked about that I think are
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really interesting. So there's the understanding and the work and the therapy. And I think that's
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great because often some of that speaks to the underlying behaviors of how, of where you are and
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why you're stuck to use your word from earlier. So when I work with people and I do coaching,
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I talk about, well, what do you want to do? Like, where do you want to go? What does that actually
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look like? And then how do you create the conditions to get you there? And most people
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will say, like, when I've done this in groups, people say, oh, I want a promotion. Like, okay,
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great, Teresa. What does that look like? Oh, I want to be a director. Director of what?
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In the organization. How far was that? Well, if I set you in 18 months, could you get there?
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How would you get there? And they're like, I don't know. I'm like, okay. So if you don't know,
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you're not going to get there. It's a lottery. Right. But if you say, this is the role I would
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like, then let's work on how we get you there. So for example, you know, I'm working with a client
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who, you know, he knew the opportunity was coming and I was like, okay, great. So we did some coaching
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and it wasn't like we needed, you know, 30 years of coaching. It was literally 10 sessions, but it was,
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let's talk about how you're showing up. Let's talk about your communication skills. Let's talk about how
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you're presenting. Let's talk about how you're providing information to people above you
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and change that so that when the role comes up, you're set. And now he's at that point where I
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was getting, I caught a call last week and I'm like, he said, you're not going to believe what
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happened. I'm like, I believe what happened because I could see the difference and he saw the difference.
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His boss saw the difference. So I say to people, if you want to think about where you're going,
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coaching is really where it can help you to develop that. But I think really like you want to get a good
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coach. There's lots of coaches. You want to get a good coach who can say to you, not like, oh,
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tell me Teresa. So what's happening? I mean, that's almost therapy and maybe that's what you want.
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But if you want a progressive way to move, then you need someone who's going to hold you a little
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bit accountable and work on what a plan could look like and then what the pieces are in place to get
00:21:52.460
there. So if I think about what the journey you just described, you did a lot of that for yourself.
00:21:56.860
I mean, it's taken time, but you've done that, but you did that yourself. So most people are stuck
00:22:02.860
because they can't figure out how to do that for themselves. So you really sometimes need to work
00:22:06.140
with someone to help you plan that through, but thinking about, well, what does that roadmap look
00:22:11.260
like? Who do I need to connect with to get there? How do I leverage my network? How do I change maybe how
00:22:17.260
I'm coming across to get to where I want? Maybe there's certain sectors that are a good fit for me.
00:22:21.740
Maybe certain sectors are not a good for me. Maybe people don't like someone with blonde,
0.87
00:22:25.180
curly hair. I don't know. And if that makes you uncomfortable, maybe that's not the place I need
00:22:29.980
to work. So all of those things, all of those things, I think, come into play.
00:22:34.780
And what you just said reminded me of something that you said earlier, that if you went in with
00:22:41.260
that particular outfit and they weren't going to be keen on you just because of that, that that's
00:22:47.340
probably not your space. And that I think as we continue to live more authentically,
00:22:54.300
and I didn't know who that was, that really at that milestone of turning 40,
00:22:58.540
I realized that I had lost myself in the living of my life, that I actually didn't know who I was.
00:23:03.980
You have kids, right? Yes, I do. So by the time you were 40, you had two kids. And how old were they?
00:23:12.300
They were young. So they were sucking up a bunch of your time. So it's not just having kids. They
00:23:18.700
probably were in activities, there was school, there was homework. So you literally were just
00:23:23.660
overflowing with giving and very little for yourself. So I find that's actually a turning
00:23:30.620
point for a lot of women because at that point, the kids are a bit more dependent, independent.
1.00
00:23:34.700
You don't need to be changing diapers and all of that. And then that's where you're like, okay,
00:23:38.860
I mean, you recognize there's going to be more coming up. And so now what? Is this all you're
00:23:45.020
going to do? And for some people, maybe that's what makes them happy and good for you. But if there's
00:23:49.900
more to you, and obviously there is, then that's really, I think, where your challenge is because
00:23:53.660
your identity was at risk. Like you were losing your identity.
00:23:57.660
I was. It was all cut up in my roles and responsibilities. It's like, who's Teresa?
00:24:02.620
Well, Teresa's the mom and Teresa's the educator. And I'm the wife and I'm the daughter-in-law.
00:24:07.580
Like it was all me and me wearing many different masks, right? It was like, well,
00:24:12.940
who do I have to be at work? And who do I be with like his family and my family?
00:24:15.420
But Teresa, think about it. When you meet somebody, how do people identify normally?
00:24:19.660
You meet someone at a function, you go, Hey, how are you? My name is Teresa. You go,
00:24:22.860
Great, Teresa. And that's the first question. What do you do? Like, why, you know, they say,
00:24:26.780
Oh, I brought you to this event, maybe. Or they might say, So what do you do?
00:24:30.940
And people say, Oh, I'm in banking or I'm an analyst or I'm in whatever.
00:24:34.860
Yeah. So we define ourselves nine times out of 10 by the jobs, which is why when people lose their
00:24:40.940
jobs, they often lose their identity. And they're very, I mean, it's very difficult for them. But if
00:24:45.980
you don't identify by what you do and more about who you are, then that's just the holding place.
00:24:53.660
It was a place where you contributed and you can move on and it makes it much easier. But if you're
00:24:58.140
identifying yourself by that one role or the place that you work, that's very difficult. I had a
00:25:03.020
friend of mine where her husband was in a company for 20 years and then was let go during COVID.
00:25:08.540
Two years of depression. I mean, it was really brutal.
00:25:11.820
But it was because they spent their entire, that was their, that was their identity.
00:25:16.220
So I think for you, what, you know, what I love about your story is that you recognized
00:25:21.180
that was a bit lost and then you found it and now you're honing in and now you're sharing it with
00:25:28.620
Let me share that knowledge and help you do better.
00:25:31.740
And, and I have to always check in with myself, right?
00:25:35.260
That I have to say, is this something that really aligns with me?
00:25:42.380
And I feel like the more that we honor ourselves in that way, that, you know,
00:25:48.620
with the law of attraction and just the energy that we put out, that we, we will then attract
00:25:53.900
more of that, which we are. So we find more of those people, like how I found you, right?
00:25:59.500
That are of the, that are vibrating at that same frequency as us, right?
00:26:03.820
That they are also working on at that same energy field, let's say.
00:26:08.540
And that I, and my life just continues to get happier and better when I continue to honor me,
00:26:18.220
And if that signal is our true and authentic self.
00:26:21.260
So I get this question around relationships where people say, well,
00:26:24.700
I can't seem to find the perfect person, or I'm attracting all of this like
0.76
00:26:31.500
And it's like, well, what signal are you putting out, right?
00:26:36.380
Because you are then a magnet for that of that same signal.
00:26:40.540
So if you don't like what's showing up around you, think about what, what are you radiating?
00:26:49.740
So there's that, and there's a sense of, you know, you probably have to take a pause
00:26:53.660
and do that self-reflection, because there is something about how you're showing up for
00:27:02.140
And I think too, you know what, when you have a certain energy, there's people that
00:27:07.900
And, you know, we talked about this a little bit earlier.
00:27:11.020
I do think that when you're doing great work and you're rising, there's going to be people
00:27:15.500
that are just going to be loving that and want to be in that glow.
00:27:20.060
You know, I think I said to you, you get this light, Sean.
00:27:22.700
There's this glow that people just want to be in that warmth and that, that sun.
00:27:26.860
And there are going to be people that are not going to be happy to be in the shadow of that.
00:27:31.740
And then there's people sort of further removed that are looking up at that and going,
00:27:34.780
I love that, right? So I think, you know, what's very difficult, particularly for women,
00:27:41.180
is trying to navigate through those who are just happy to be in that warmth and glow and love
00:27:46.060
and adore what you're doing. Those who are in the shadow going, eh, that's a them problem.
00:27:51.980
And then those who are further away going, I love, I love what she's doing and she's so great
00:27:56.380
and I admire that and I want to figure out how can I be like you. And so I think if we can sort
00:28:01.500
of see those layers, we can navigate things a bit better and help others that way too.
00:28:06.620
And then think about how we use that energy and the energy that we attract and the energy we might
00:28:10.620
say, I'm going to just put you on hold for a little while.
00:28:13.340
Yeah, thank you. And so for anyone that might be listening and is, you know, some of what we're
00:28:19.820
talking about is resonating with them. What are maybe some strategies that you might encourage them to
00:28:26.700
maybe start implementing in their life so that they can recognize some of these amazing qualities
00:28:32.860
within themselves? And, and to have that, that voice of their, of their inner, their higher,
00:28:39.900
their higher self or that their inner being start to speak a little bit more loudly to them where it
00:28:45.820
is that we're all magnificent and extraordinary rather than the, the one that seems to be shouting,
00:28:52.860
but often shouting a lot of negativity and yeah. So, you know, first of all, I'm going to say,
00:28:57.900
I think there's a lot from the things that you said, you know, you talked about reflection,
00:29:03.500
you talked about self-awareness, you talked about doing the work, you talked about my meditation,
00:29:09.820
but I know you also said you have faith. You talked about nature to me, you know, so those are all
00:29:15.100
really important things that ground us and I think are important. So I would say all of those.
00:29:20.300
I'd also say on a, like on a more, I'm going to say for lack of a, I'm going to put practical in
00:29:25.260
quotes here, but I think when you're thinking about all of that and how do you do that, there's a bit
00:29:31.260
of an assessment that you have to do in terms of who's in my circle and who should be in my circle
00:29:38.540
and recognizing you're going to lose, you know, I think I, I said this to you when we were having a
00:29:43.420
coffee last week and chatting over the phone, you know, there was this great, um, analogy around
00:29:49.740
the rocket and the boosters. I love that. And it was this, you know, as your rocket goes up and you're
00:29:55.420
kind of moving, you know, your rise is going really great. There's going to be people that watching
00:30:00.300
going, oh wow. And there's going to be people attached, but also some of those boosters have
00:30:04.620
to come off so that you can make it to the top. So not everyone is going to be on that rocket ship with
00:30:08.620
you to the top to let you shine and glow brightly. So you have to decide who's going to be. And then
00:30:14.540
those that fall off probably were never meant to be there with you for the whole ride anyway.
00:30:19.260
And that's okay. So as long as you're going to be okay with losing people along the way
00:30:24.460
and not taking it personally saying, this is as far as they can come on this ride. And I'm okay with
00:30:29.660
that, but really investing in yourself and keeping it tight in a group. I have kids. I said this to you,
00:30:34.780
you have children. I've told my kids, you don't need 500 friends. You don't need 20 friends. You
00:30:39.580
need two or three good ones that will show up when you call them. That's literally what we need.
00:30:43.500
Those are like your, you know, ride or die kind of people. So that's one. Two, I would say social
00:30:49.020
media is great, but use it mindfully. And I tell people it's fake book, not Facebook. And I could say,
00:30:55.340
you know, same thing about Instagram and all the others, because I know when I do these talks and I
0.99
00:31:00.620
give people, you know, I'm doing training and I say to people, who is posting looking like crap?
0.97
00:31:05.820
Nobody. Who is talking about how terrible their life is? Everything you see nowadays is filtered.
0.97
00:31:10.940
Our faces are filtered, right? I mean, I don't, I don't do that partially because I'm like, you're
00:31:15.580
going to see me and I'd rather you just see me the way I am. So I'd rather be saying you look better
00:31:19.740
in person than like, oh, you know, so I prefer not to do that. I just, this is who I am and I'm okay with it.
00:31:26.460
The other part is everyone's posting like, I'm back to dinner and look at me at this event. You
00:31:30.220
know, I'm living our very best life. Look at me on holidays, but you actually don't know what's
00:31:34.300
happening at home. So I just say to people, you just have to take that with a grain of salt and not
00:31:40.780
measure yourself by those standards. Keeping a journal is important. And I, this is what I talk
00:31:46.220
about writing about the good things and having gratitude. So I said this to you when we spoke last
00:31:52.300
week, I said, you know, I wake up every day with gratitude. People say, you always seem so happy.
00:31:56.860
Why are you so happy? I mean, this has been with me since I was a kid, but I do wake up with, you
00:32:02.460
know, thank you, God. I have a roof over my hand. I have a great partner. I have three wonderful kids.
00:32:07.500
My parents are still alive. Thank God. And they're in pretty good health. Thank God. Right. I have a job.
00:32:13.340
I can pay the bills. Um, you know, I have food on the table. I mean, that is an abundance
00:32:19.020
compared to what some other people have. And, you know, I had somebody else say to me,
00:32:23.340
even a couple of weeks ago, she said to me, I forgot that though, you know, it was sort of like,
00:32:27.020
oh, how do you deal with adversity? And I thought, well, I mean, it's there. And she said, yeah,
00:32:34.700
but you know, I would love to hear your story. And I said, well, how are you defining adversity?
00:32:38.940
She said, what do you mean? And she said, well, you know, you're a woman, you've had these issues,
00:32:42.300
you know, you've got, you know, your ethnicity. And I said, okay, so adversity compared to what's
00:32:47.580
happening to women in Gaza, compared to women in Ukraine, compared to women of color in some
00:32:54.380
part, like, so compared to who? So, yes, I've had adversity, but I, if I put it into the bigger
00:33:01.260
context of life, it's minimal. And it's not to downplay the challenges I've had. I've had them,
00:33:10.140
but I would say, thank God, again, right? I've had a good life and I put it all in perspective.
00:33:17.500
And I always say, if your perspective is right, then everything is possible, right? Nothing's
00:33:21.740
impossible really. And so that's what I would say to people. Think about the perspective,
00:33:25.580
think about your network, think about who's in your circle, think about doing all the things that you
00:33:29.500
have done to get to where you've gone, because I think those are excellent. And if you need to work
00:33:33.420
with a coach, work on that, and then think about where you want to go. And then my last point would
00:33:37.820
be, what do you want your legacy to be? So we're all here for a time. So if you were to look back,
00:33:43.980
what do you want your legacy to be? And if you think about that question, then think about that mark
00:33:50.140
that you want to leave and how are you working towards that? And then I think you might be able to align
00:33:55.180
with your purpose a bit more. Oh, all amazing, all amazing things. When I think about, and that
00:34:01.660
question about legacy is something that, that after with all of this, I became more of a priority, but
00:34:08.380
also I tie it into that idea that if I'm on my deathbed and I look back at my life, I don't want
00:34:15.580
to die with regrets. Yeah. That I would have, I would have regretted a lot of, a lot of things that I
00:34:22.380
wasn't doing because I was trying to please other people because I wanted to be loved, liked and
00:34:27.900
accepted by others and putting myself on the, on the back burner, as you said, because as mothers
00:34:33.260
and women and all that other stuff that rolls into it, but we have to, we only get one life.
1.00
00:34:38.780
Yeah. And when you're on the other side, you realize how fast it goes.
00:34:43.180
And I think there's, there is that element of really appreciating how precious time is.
00:34:51.420
Yeah. We have less of it, no more of that. And when I think of all the things that, that I want
00:34:56.700
to do and, and because of the impact that I want to continue to make, it's like, then I realize how
00:35:02.460
important it is for me to take care of my body. Yeah. Right. Because if, if this vehicle isn't, you know,
00:35:10.300
this temple that is housing, you know, my soul and, and, and it's supposed to help me to accomplish
00:35:16.460
all the different things I need to set time for that. Right. So maybe time that I didn't need before
00:35:23.020
to necessarily like, you know, help this vessel, I now need to prioritize that. Yeah. So there's,
00:35:29.260
so that I can not live a life where I'm living with regret. And, and I want the same for, you know,
00:35:34.380
for my husband too. Yeah. I'm like, I don't want you to one day get to a place where, and you say,
00:35:38.620
well, I didn't do those things because you didn't allow me to, or you're like, oh no, like, I don't
00:35:44.780
want you to say that to me. And I don't want to be the reason why you feel like you didn't live your
00:35:49.820
best and fullest life. Yes. Yes. Yeah. You know, I think that's so important. It's funny. And I was
00:35:53.740
thinking about COVID just yesterday and I thought, gosh, and I don't know why it came up in my, my head,
00:35:59.740
but I was thinking I was probably the most productive. And other than the horrible sort of things that
00:36:05.100
happened to people who got sick during COVID, it was in many ways a very good time for me in the
1.00
00:36:12.460
sense that I was at home for the first time. I used to commute for long hours. I was home with my
00:36:16.620
family. I would sleep a little better because, you know, I focused on my business. I was having
00:36:23.820
dinner with the kids. We went back to baking again. I was going for walks every day because we could,
00:36:30.060
because I was at home. There was less noise because there was less planes and cars on the road.
00:36:35.180
I mean, so there was like the downside, of course, of all the, you know, people that got sick and
00:36:39.740
people that died and all of that part. But then the, the, in some ways it was a bit of a reset.
00:36:44.860
And I actually channeled it to rethink about, well, what do I want to do really with my life?
00:36:50.300
And so I, I would, you know, I think it's interesting because I, I also found that was a turning
00:36:54.380
point for a lot of women that I knew, and I don't know about you, but there were women
1.00
00:36:58.060
that I knew where relationships broke up, where things were good because everyone was so busy,
00:37:03.020
just describing what you were talking about. The lives were so busy that when they all of a
00:37:06.300
a sudden were under the same roof, it just blew up. And I'm sure, you know, people were right.
00:37:11.900
Yeah, me too. And so, and I just remember sort of going for a drive with my husband and saying,
00:37:18.140
we need to have a bit of a conversation. You know, we spent a kind of a day, we drove,
00:37:22.460
we had a conversation. I didn't want to do it around with the kids, but thought like,
00:37:25.420
how do we kind of do a bit of a reset? Right. So it wasn't that anything was bad. It was just
00:37:29.740
more like all of a sudden now we're together 24 seven and how do we want to work together
00:37:34.780
in this household and kind of create some boundaries and with the children and still
00:37:39.260
kind of live our best life. But then how do we kind of lean into this? And in fact,
00:37:44.460
our marriage got much better. Right. But I think it's because I saw some of that and thought,
00:37:49.660
okay, I'm going to, let's make sure we kind of do this well, but I, but anyways, I just wanted to
00:37:54.460
say that because I was thinking about the comments that you said about relationships and you want
00:37:57.740
someone to live their best life. And I thought, you know, that was a bit of a turning point for many
00:38:01.180
people. And if you succeeded in that and you leaned into kind of what you want out of life,
00:38:07.980
then I think great. And if not, I'm not sure how it played out for others.
00:38:11.420
Well, thank you for that point, because when we identify things in our life that aren't working
00:38:17.820
well for us, the right approach is to tackle those things and, and have those hard conversations
00:38:24.620
instead of numbing it out. So how many people numb out the hardships in their life with, you know,
00:38:31.500
various addictions, substances, alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, lots of other things instead of
00:38:41.180
instead of trying to figure out how they can work on those areas that they feel are not functioning
00:38:48.380
well. Yeah. Yeah. Or saying just like, let's have a reset or let's have whatever. Right. So
00:38:53.420
I just think it's important. I also think it goes back to what you said earlier, which is,
00:38:56.700
you know, we talked about your circles, right? And so you've got your partner, your husband,
00:39:01.420
you've got your kids, you probably have maybe siblings, but all those were things that were
00:39:05.580
on the negative have, you've turned into a positive. And you've also decided where those boundaries
00:39:10.460
are going to be what they look like. Yeah. And I think those are hard places to be.
00:39:15.340
But if you know what they are and you honor them, you're a much happier person. Yeah.
00:39:20.220
Right. So you can have not only a happy hour, but you can have a happy day. Right.
00:39:23.740
That rolls into a happy week. That's right. That's right. But it starts with, you know,
00:39:30.940
you have to take the steps first. Right. Yeah. Yeah. There's, there's a saying that my instructor
00:39:35.260
uses at the gym that says, you know, the best time it would have, it would have been to start
00:39:41.260
making these changes would have been like 10 years ago. But then the second best time is like today.
00:39:47.900
So, you know, we can always say, well, well, but really every day, if we saw it as a reset,
00:39:54.300
that every day is a new day for us to like, and we don't need it to be a Monday or we don't need it,
00:40:00.620
you know, like sometimes, you know, with a diet or something like, well, I'll just start on Monday.
00:40:05.580
Yeah. Yeah. You know, but like, listen, I mean, you know, I have a wedding coming up and I'm just
00:40:11.020
like, okay, I need to get into this dress. And then I look at my son who's cut out all these things
00:40:16.620
to my younger boy. And I'm thinking, oh my God, I don't, yes, I want to do that, but I don't know that
00:40:22.140
I'm just too old to do that. Like I want to, I want to be healthy. I'm just not sure I want to eat
00:40:27.340
tuna for a week so I can get into a dress for one day. You know, so you kind of sit your priorities,
00:40:32.780
but you figure out who you are, but then you also have to begin with your health and wellness.
00:40:37.420
And that's something I'm actually trying to focus more on because when you work a lot,
00:40:42.380
you're prioritizing some of the things for you. Go lower on the food chain and you just really need
00:40:47.420
to, if you're not there physically, mentally, emotionally well, you can't serve others.
00:40:52.460
You can't help others. No, we're not showing up as like the best version of ourselves.
00:40:56.620
No, of course not. And that ends up being disappointing for us in the end too.
00:41:00.460
But people feel it, right? Yeah, it's also for women. You have to remember,
00:41:03.660
like if you think at home, who does most of the heavy lifting? No disrespect to our male
0.75
00:41:07.580
counterparts, but you know, when something happens, kids go mom. When there's caretaking for elderly
00:41:13.820
parents, it's always, it's more likely to be women than men. And that's a data point. That's not just
00:41:18.380
me making that up. So if you think about the weight that's on our shoulders and the fact that all the
00:41:25.020
women are working and have more degrees than their male counterparts, they're still not making as much
1.00
00:41:29.740
money as men. So with all of those kind of the inequities, it's very hard because we don't
00:41:35.500
prioritize ourselves because we're so just busy trying to keep going and serving that it's important
00:41:40.380
once in a while to prioritize yourself because only then you can level up and help others.
00:41:45.180
Now, if we were going to end this episode with, you know, an insight of yours, like maybe something
00:41:52.380
that you tend to like live your own life, almost like a model for yourself or one that you encourage
00:41:59.500
other people to take in and do for themselves, what would you say that could be?
00:42:06.940
I don't know if that's one thing, but I'll say, look, gratitude every morning I think is important
00:42:13.420
because it sets your mindset for the day. I think that's really important. I would say if you are
00:42:20.380
ambitious and want to move ahead, have a plan, 18 months, 12 to 18 months and map out how you're going
00:42:28.220
to do that. If you don't do that, you're not going to get there. It's just an idea, not a plan.
00:42:31.820
And then surround yourself with people who are going to be your champions and your sponsors and
00:42:38.620
be selective because not everyone's going to admire the light that you bring to your face,
00:42:44.940
not always that you want that. And then be part of groups like Women Helping Empower Women, part of
00:42:50.620
what you're doing to say, I want to be in circles where this is celebrated, not a negative, but it's
00:42:57.020
like, I love being around a Teresa who just is genuine and wants that good for me, right?
00:43:04.380
Because we both believe and you put good out, good comes back. And so I believe that you believe
00:43:09.020
that. I mean, we're very similar. So you want people like that in our circles and we want to help
00:43:14.780
people who are going to do that. You know, one of the reasons I created Ru was to be able to say,
00:43:19.340
I want to do this. And the only ask I have is you do the same for another person,
00:43:23.420
another woman, help them through. Because I feel that is how we will change the tide in our favor,
00:43:28.060
right? And so I think that's all I would ask for. And I think those are kind of things that you
00:43:32.780
should be working on. And of course, the mental health and the physical health is really critical.
00:43:37.420
So walk. If you can't run and do 30 minute or dumbbells or whatever, just walk, just move.
00:43:47.260
So if people want to find you and connect with you after the show, how can they do that?
00:43:50.940
Yeah. So on LinkedIn is the easiest because I'm very active on that. So that's where I am. It's
00:43:55.820
just Dr. Giorgia Zanatti. And I also have an Instagram account, Dr. Giorgia. There's only one
00:44:01.420
of me, Dr. Giorgia Zanatti. And then you can email me through our website, www.whewwomen.com.
00:44:14.540
Thanks for joining me on the happy hour. If you like the show, please like and subscribe.
00:44:20.220
If you want to learn more about me, feel free to check out my website at TeresaGreco.ca
00:44:26.460
or connect with me on social media, TeresaGreco underscore steps to happiness or steps to happiness