True Patriot Love - Modern Masculinity： The Alpha Male - with Sim Chhabra

00:00:00.000 ladies and gentlemen welcome to tpo media yes it is me again little brady wedham i don't know if

00:00:10.080 you've been sick of my face yet but i know somebody who hasn't been sick of my face yet

00:00:13.280 which is surprising because i encourage you to go check out the last episode called what is man

00:00:18.960 with our resident psychotherapist sim the simulator shabra thanks for joining me again

00:00:24.640 thanks for having me again and we left this on a note of basically saying that all four um

00:00:32.640 categories of man that you laid out we're technically all four of those categories we can

00:00:37.280 kind of pull from from different categories but realistically we share all traits and what are

00:00:42.640 those four traits so you have alpha you have beta omega and then sigma so to kind of recap for the

00:00:49.520 audience. Alpha is what, you know, is predominantly revered in society and that's your most dominant,

00:00:56.640 the leader, you know, the guy that's in the forefront. Beta is more like a supporting actor

00:01:03.760 for, to give you better reference, you know, they follow the Alpha, they kind of keep the suit,

00:01:08.640 they keep the herd in check. And then you have the Omega, they tend to be the outliers in terms

00:01:15.360 of observers uh they're the ones kind of sitting on the fence you know they get kind of hurried in

00:01:21.520 and then you have your sigmas which are considered like your lone wolves right so those are your four

00:01:26.960 main characteristics and i feel like i share traits to all four of those things in different ways

00:01:32.880 we all do because we we take on those rules in different ways right so you could be an alpha

00:01:39.840 say, for example, your job position requires you to lead a team, right? So now you have to

00:01:47.560 embody alpha traits, because how else are you going to keep them? Like a CEO is a very good

00:01:52.320 example of an alpha, right? A beta would be parent, right? Because when you are co-parenting,

00:02:00.940 you kind of like sometimes take the lead. So, you know, we were talking about women nurture,

00:02:06.040 right? Well, then you're going to have to take a beta role in that lens because you're going to be

00:02:11.460 a supporting person in that. Your omegas, we're more often omegas than not. And that's when you're

00:02:21.120 looking at like societal structures, right? So that CEO alpha is still an omega because he has

00:02:26.820 to go to work. He has- Still got to put on the suit and tie. He's still got to do the routine.

00:02:30.580 And he's bound by the stakeholders and the shareholders and the board of directors versus

00:02:36.900 the employee who's bound by him. So in the bigger picture, he becomes the Omega.

00:02:42.100 And Sigma is just his personal drive. Maybe he's looking for creating his own mark, right? So that's

00:02:49.140 where you kind of weave through all four at any given time. And you're not specifically bound.

00:02:54.340 And that's something that when I work with men and I work with men with identity,

00:02:58.180 um once you type guess yourself into one corner and you go no i'm only that that's where you

00:03:04.640 create the imbalance because now you're trying to take a characteristic in all four lanes when

00:03:10.020 it wouldn't work so to give you an example uh you can't take an alpha and a beta role because then

00:03:15.420 if you're talking to your bad your boss at that level well now you're being insubordinate or say

00:03:20.720 if you're in the army that's a very good example of alpha beta omegas yeah mostly alpha betas so

00:03:26.720 if your superior gives you a command, you can't be an alpha there.

00:03:32.480 You can be an, I guess the only way that you could really be an alpha in that situation is

00:03:35.840 once you're actually doing the mission, you can put yourself in an alpha position, right?

00:03:40.960 Well, the alpha comes more in when the public sees you because you've taken on the sense of a

00:03:48.720 service and servitude, right? So in a societal lens, because society is not going to distinguish

00:03:56.160 the serviceman till you start looking at titles the fact that you serve now you're an alpha say in

00:04:01.840 your group you may be a private but in your group you're an alpha because you're doing something

00:04:06.160 far more right but within your unit you're a beta well it's it we keep saying the word alpha and

00:04:13.840 we had we had left it where we were going to break down all four of those categories so because we

00:04:18.720 keep saying alpha and it seems to be fun and you brought me a nice book called the art of manliness

00:04:23.680 which i'm going to read when we're done here alpha let's break down alpha just in itself

00:04:29.200 and we'll try and we'll try and stay into that category so as far as i know an alpha male is not

00:04:34.880 only the things that you explain but alpha males seem to be what leaves the narcissistic and

00:04:40.240 arrogance movement where it takes confidence and turns it into something completely different so

00:04:46.240 when you're saying something like when you're saying things like if you're just going to hone

00:04:49.680 the alpha the alpha mentality that that can get out of control right i've seen it happen in my own

00:04:55.920 life i was probably a little bit busier as a kid than most kids at the time and that led to like

00:05:02.480 a delusional kind of confidence which eventually by my teens had led to an arrogance by 1920 i was

00:05:10.320 completely narcissistic and and self-aware enough of what was going on that i was starting to feel

00:05:14.960 guilt so it was like a one day i would wake up i'd be in a mentality of being super narcissist

00:05:19.840 the next day i wake up and feel guilty for the way that i lived that day previously

00:05:23.600 so that's an example of me being not only young and trying to figure myself out but being stuck

00:05:28.960 in that alpha mentality and it got out of control am i correct with saying or thinking that alpha

00:05:34.960 male is what drives the narcissism yes and you brought up a very good point and i kind of want

00:05:42.720 to expand that on a bit expand a bit expand that a bit sorry so third time's always the best sam

00:05:48.720 three times the charm that's what they say um when you look at puberty right because you brought up 19

00:05:57.920 men or boys or anybody in that gender i'm still a boy don't get yourself confused right i'm going

00:06:04.000 on green mentally so um that's when definition of masculinity starts coming to fruition right 0.84

00:06:13.200 because you go back in time as well uh that's considered coming of age right um when we we

00:06:20.400 were talking about you know the the nomadic caveman days right and you look at it like through the

00:06:26.640 natives lens and stuff it's a separation from childhood to manhood right so this is where 1.00

00:06:33.040 you know some cultures would have where they would send you out into the forest and you had

00:06:37.840 to scavenge your way back or you spent a week on a spiritual journey right that that was your

00:06:44.480 awakening part of it so it's very common to have spikes and valleys right so you know you might be

00:06:51.680 having because your body's also developing testosterone you know you're developing sperm

00:06:56.400 and like you're going through a physical change so that's very common um by the time you reach

00:07:04.240 1920 if you don't have good parameters to help you shape whether it's through support at home

00:07:11.600 or environment and andrew takes a very good example of that because when you look at his

00:07:17.600 teen years he had to fend for himself because they moved to england so he didn't have uh his own dad

00:07:27.600 helping him shape his thoughts okay and then we were talking about tom brady and if you look at

00:07:32.800 tom brady in the same age he had that insular support so even though they both are extreme

00:07:41.600 alphas they both have narcissistic tendencies the desire to always be on top always win you know

00:07:49.200 with tom brady it's you know how many rings can i get on my finger you're seeing the way he looks

00:07:53.360 into a camera he's a narcissist that's what i mean like but they they they exhibit different traits

00:08:01.200 right so anything on an extreme is going to create that reality and with alphas

00:08:07.440 it's a very thin line that it's hard for them to control because it's a self-feeding mechanism.

00:08:14.600 Then it turns into this addiction of being superior. It's not a fault. It's not a deficiency.

00:08:21.380 It's just they didn't learn regulation early on, so they don't know where their stop gap is.

00:08:26.560 So as they get older in life, it's harder for them to stop because that's the only mechanism

00:08:30.980 they know. As far as I know, you're not a scientist, but you're an expert in the chemicals

00:08:36.260 that run around in our brain right i guess is the easiest some awareness does that do you get a

00:08:41.460 dopamine drip when you act like an but they're not identifying it as that because they're doing

00:08:47.540 a biological reaction right it's a field of mechanism it's like when you when you are binge

00:08:54.340 eating cookies right you're not contemplating how much insulin your body's releasing you're

00:09:00.020 more on like this feels good and you're repeating behavior so there are two two different detachments

00:09:04.820 right a biologist would look at it or a dietician would look at and go oh you're you know you're

00:09:12.180 pumping out a lot of insulin but you don't have that awareness because you're more connected with

00:09:15.720 the sensation and the feel in the mouth same thing with uh the sense of control because it's

00:09:22.980 psychological right so if you take either one and you put them on the on the field right so if you

00:09:29.300 put Brady and he's got, you know, two minutes on the clock, first down 20 yard line, you catch him

00:09:38.040 there, he's going to exhibit the same animalistic traits that a narcissist would exhibit in a normal

00:09:45.900 function because it's how he's interpreting his environment. So what he's pulling in from

00:09:51.000 psychology. Am I making sense? Yeah. And you know, it's funny because the more complex that this

00:09:57.120 is laid out the more it just leads back to a primal brain so like you can we could fill this

00:10:04.240 whole table yeah with the actual science behind why that happens but it all leads back to one

00:10:09.760 simple thing primal brain we are biology right it's it's we over time have more inputs so we have

00:10:20.160 more ways of understanding it but functionally we haven't evolved past basic functions right

00:10:28.960 flight or fright right so if you don't use tom brady and you go back into a primitive brain

00:10:35.120 and you're a hunter and a tiger's coming at you you're gonna have the same instincts right to

00:10:42.880 make sure it doesn't attack whatever and if you have to protect somebody

00:10:45.920 that dopamine is going to accelerate right so it's it's no different we've just changed the

00:10:52.840 environment the biology stays the same we haven't become a different species we've just mutated

00:10:59.180 within well when we come a different when we actually do become a different species or we

00:11:03.820 evolve and that that reptilian or primal portion of our brain cease to exist i think that's when

00:11:08.980 we stop throwing bombs at each other yeah right because that seems primal too right yeah because

00:11:14.540 war that's going like going on and i don't want to side like completely yeah hijack the whole show

00:11:18.940 but that seems like this is an ego war at this point right obviously there was a regime change

00:11:23.260 or whatever the reasons were that they were thrown but now it's continuing as it's going you know two

00:11:27.820 weeks in seems like this is an ego thing right i mean again it's it's like you know not to bring

00:11:33.500 politics into and just keeping it from a psychology lens you know i consider them like you know they're

00:11:40.780 more on the um assertive side of alpha so if you look at it through like a linear line right and

00:11:47.500 you go okay alpha is a spectrum so you have passive alphas and you have assertive alphas

00:11:52.460 okay and then what we're talking about is you know the ones that are like borderline assertive to

00:11:59.100 where they have like a control and not to name names but there's like a whole category of them

00:12:04.700 that tend to exhibit excessive assertive alpha components versus center or passive so that's

00:12:14.220 where you start seeing it becoming an identity and you know like one of the things they talk

00:12:18.300 about is toxic masculinity yeah which i don't i don't believe in that it it's not an appropriate

00:12:24.380 word yeah i don't think there's anything toxic about being masculine it's irregulated yeah

00:12:29.660 it regulated is a better right regulated masculinity sounds like a way better word 0.98

00:12:33.500 than toxic but toxic at this point come on guys because now you're labeling and all of a sudden

00:12:38.540 how do you decipher what is toxic because toxic is poison so are you saying poison masculinity

00:12:44.700 or regulated masculinity this is what i'm saying it's only south i'm like it's it's a poor word

00:12:49.500 that got attached it's an easy word because it regulated then okay what's it regulated it's

00:12:53.740 oxymoron right ish so you know here's a very good example of how you can understand what passive

00:13:01.420 masculinity and assertive masculinity is right okay so let's take pop culture and let's use um

00:13:10.780 i would say let's use matt damon okay so a passive you just always have like these

00:13:18.540 these pop culture guys are examples that are just they just make me giggle i don't mean i'm not

00:13:23.100 I'm not saying they're wrong.

00:13:24.100 I'm just saying you just make me giggle with that.

00:13:26.100 It helps, you know, to conceptualize what I'm trying to get at.

00:13:30.600 Right.

00:13:31.600 So you take Matt Damon.

00:13:32.600 Right.

00:13:33.600 So you have goodwill hunting.

00:13:34.600 Now, is it Matt Damon, the real Matt Damon, the actor Matt Damon, or the Matt Damon from

00:13:38.200 Team America?

00:13:39.200 The Matt Damon.

00:13:40.200 Like, is it what Matt Damon is talking about?

00:13:42.200 The person as a character.

00:13:44.200 Okay.

00:13:45.200 All right.

00:13:46.200 Yeah.

00:13:47.200 So we're talking about alpha masculinity, right?

00:13:48.840 whether it's fact or fiction, we still interpret what we see. So to not make it like too technical,

00:13:57.320 let's just assume we're seeing this, right? And you're seeing a characteristic like Goodwill

00:14:02.760 Hunting, Matt Damon. Okay. And there are many people that exhibit that kind of characteristic,

00:14:07.240 right? So I would categorize them as passive alphas, right? They are in charge, but they tend

00:14:12.920 to be a little bit more subdued about it. Wait, are you painting a picture here?

00:14:16.360 right like you're painting a picture right and then on the other side don't give it away

00:14:21.000 send bob ross over here let's do this on the other side when you look at an assertive alpha

00:14:26.720 jason born yeah because there are a lot of people that are jason borns right they'll find a way

00:14:33.380 they're resolute they're quick on their feet they're quick to think they macgyver their way

00:14:37.580 through life yep but these are the ones that we have admiration and yearning for these are the

00:14:43.960 ones where we're like, no, I don't want to be that, even though they both are very prominent

00:14:48.160 alpha characters, right? I'll give you another one, right? You take Tom Cruise, right?

00:14:56.800 No, just to show you how they both work, right? Let's use a different example. Well, okay, no,

00:15:01.080 Tom, you got it laid out. Right. So you have a story like that guy, right? What I'm trying to

00:15:05.180 get is passive and assertive, right? You have Jerry Maguire, and then you have- Show me the

00:15:10.180 money. And then you have Ethan Hunt.

00:15:12.580 Who is Ethan Hunt? Is that the Mission Impossible?

00:15:14.620 Okay. So you complete me and Ethan Hunt.

00:15:19.420 Hanging off the side of a cliff somewhere.

00:15:21.040 Right. Yeah.

00:15:21.940 So what I'm saying is...

00:15:22.780 They're both alpha males in their own right.

00:15:24.280 But this is more revered.

00:15:26.320 I like this example, even though I don't like Tom Cruise.

00:15:28.740 That was a great example because Jerry Maguire was a man's man.

00:15:33.820 But he probably couldn't use a screwdriver, right?

00:15:36.920 He couldn't be hanging off the side of a mountain.

00:15:38.980 But he, he, like, you know, are you complete me?

00:15:42.980 Yeah, right.

00:15:43.980 Teary eyed.

00:15:44.980 Like he's a real man.

00:15:46.980 Right.

00:15:47.980 But it's sport.

00:15:48.980 It's an agent.

00:15:49.980 He's an agent showing emotional connection, like realizing like, you know, it's it's

00:15:56.980 a relationship that matters versus Ethan Hunt.

00:16:01.980 Completely different.

00:16:02.980 But they both are alpha lenses.

00:16:04.980 So what category should we be living in as men in Canada?

00:16:08.980 Just trying to get through the day, right?

00:16:10.980 Like what we need to understand one, we have our own individual personalities.

00:16:14.980 Okay. So when I'm working with clients, what I tell them is, are you center, right?

00:16:19.980 Are you center left?

00:16:20.980 And what do you mean?

00:16:21.980 Belief system or in that alpha system?

00:16:24.980 In that alpha system, are you center right or center left?

00:16:26.980 Yeah. Do you tend to be a little bit more, you know, anybody that plays, uh,

00:16:30.980 contact sports tends to be center, right?

00:16:32.980 It's just it's a natural tendency. That doesn't mean it's a character flaw. That's why the toxic

00:16:40.660 word is an inappropriate word because it's not a character flaw. You're either center

00:16:45.460 right or you're center left. You're more reflective. You're more environmentally

00:16:51.700 observant. So you are more center left. Generals tend to be more center left. Why? Because they

00:16:58.900 have to make sure that when they send soldiers into the field, they bring them home alive.

00:17:04.180 That's center left Alpha. Versus I'm okay with how many casualties? The current defense secretary,

00:17:13.000 right? Like that's the center right. It's the, it's the cost of the cause.

00:17:20.380 So let's say somebody was living and anybody watching it, they're living on the extremes

00:17:24.060 of either side of that right right what would you do to get them back centered so like what should

00:17:29.580 they tell themselves and work on themselves or what message would you give to them if they seem

00:17:33.260 like they're too far off on either side of that spectrum and you want to try and ground them

00:17:37.420 right so just in the alpha stance right so it's and this is where a majority of people struggle

00:17:44.140 with because they feel any shift is a loss of identity shift is not a loss of identity it's

00:17:50.140 it's you look at the cost of not maintenance okay so andrew tate's a very good example of that right

00:17:56.780 he has to continuously now maintain that image he he has to put a lot of energy to come across

00:18:03.900 as being alpha strong well that's where it became a meme right so it got to the point where he had

00:18:07.980 to fight but from an individual lens right from an individual lens you can know it's like you can

00:18:13.660 only do so much until it doesn't become beneficial to you right so they know an individual knows when

00:18:21.340 they're extreme and it's become their identity so that's where conversations with support you know

00:18:27.420 works so um he had a um a podcast out right when he came out of uh romania with a therapist and

00:18:36.780 you know it got like some nine million views or something it got a lot of steam yeah and i

00:18:41.340 watched it right and and i sent it to you and i commented on it i go look that's his style

00:18:46.300 right because he sees it as coming into a cage so he has to get the first hit in and then he

00:18:52.300 has to keep punching because the more he punches the more control he has i feel like that was a

00:18:59.820 kind of a our first episode of this right i came in you know swinging right but you know

00:19:06.220 right you're an assertive style of a passive style but we're still kind of like doing the

00:19:12.700 dance right so we're not competing from the same space yeah yeah so an individual needs to

00:19:17.300 understand if we were you would win well no you would win you're tiny you'd get around

00:19:22.600 easily maneuverable yeah right um so for an individual that kind of goes okay what does

00:19:30.040 center right look like to me what does center left look like to me right if you're on the edges it

00:19:34.760 just never benefit anybody it doesn't because you gotta have to then

00:19:38.780 continually maintain a persona that is not relevant but if you can go hey look

00:19:43.520 you know I know when I when I need to gear up and I know when I need to gear

00:19:46.820 down right it allows you to be more functional you can still stay alpha so

00:19:52.880 Tom Brady when he's off the field and he's going into the locker room and

00:19:56.000 acting like the same way it's the fourth quarter you know at the 20-yard line

00:20:00.080 with a game on the line he cannot take that same assertive aggressiveness that

00:20:06.260 he has on the field home no well maybe he did and that's why he's in the

00:20:11.120 scenario he's in well he wanted the ninth ring right or maybe she just got

00:20:19.580 tired of those vegan juices whichever game first really likes jiu-jitsu is

00:20:24.560 yeah well you know coming of age right what i'm trying to get at is so if he continues these days

00:20:33.120 well there's the consequence of that same thing with andrew tate right yeah you can't because i

00:20:37.600 hear some of his stuff and i'm like you can't maintain this so who are you going after you're

00:20:44.640 going after the the ones that are looking for somebody that is aggressive because their chances

00:20:50.800 are they're going through that puberty stage with not having resources and they have to learn to

00:20:55.840 fend for themselves so they're going to look to the map the biggest alpha male whether it makes

00:21:02.220 sense or not let's just hope they're not completely mirroring that mentality right because taking

00:21:06.940 things from it that resonate with you to make you better at what you do daily I get that but to take

00:21:11.640 somebody's word like an Andrew Tate who's so on the extreme yeah you can get into a lot of trouble

00:21:16.620 he got himself into trouble right numerous times from trying to keep that persona up and live in

00:21:20.940 that alpha male state he's gotten himself into it's numerous times because it's gotta you gotta

00:21:25.900 feed it yeah you gotta feed the monster right so and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure

00:21:32.620 that out that it's not working one of the best ways to kind of like frame that is um say you're

00:21:39.660 hungry right and so do you eat one hamburger right it makes you feel good then you eat two hamburgers

00:21:49.340 it makes you feel full but it's not as satisfying as the first burger was you eat your third burger

00:21:56.460 now it's completely less satisfying the second one well now you have acid reflux

00:22:01.660 those are secondary conflict consequences what i'm saying is the the pleasure you got out of

00:22:05.900 the first burger versus your third burger is much less same thing here it's it's not a

00:22:13.980 thing that you can't measure because then you start realizing that at some point maybe i need

00:22:18.300 to back off maybe this is an ass backwards question i don't think there maybe there's not 0.70

00:22:22.380 even an answer for this or maybe it's just so absurd that you don't even answer it or give it

00:22:25.900 the time of day but when is narcissism actually useful is that never useful and you should just

00:22:32.700 you should because i don't know i feel like there's there's three stages to this and i

00:22:37.340 there's confidence being confident in yourself and having confidence which can slowly turn into

00:22:42.700 arrogance right and that arrogance can get out of control and turn slowly turn into narcissism

00:22:48.140 right whether that's rapid or fast those seems to be the three stages right right

00:22:52.780 delusional confidence leads to arrogance delusional arrogance leads to narcissism

00:22:57.900 right when is that final stage beneficial beneficial if at all is there any benefits

00:23:04.460 to being a narcissist so and i don't mean narcissism like you only love yourself everybody

00:23:10.380 like i don't mean the lucifer definition of narcissism i mean like actual narcissism

00:23:14.460 where you still empathetic but it seems to be the arrogance is just out of control

00:23:19.260 so it's a very good point um we take the characteristics take the word out okay okay

00:23:24.780 so if you look at the characteristics right the elements of nobody else exists i exist okay

00:23:32.620 where would that be the most relevant where you got a gun pointing at you because that

00:23:37.660 characteristics then become i need to do what i need to do to survive okay where narcissism

00:23:45.740 becomes an issue is when i'm causing harm whether i'm aware of it or not but i'm causing harm to

00:23:52.940 other beings i can't see narcissism not causing harm to somebody like no no what i'm saying is

00:23:58.380 it would have to right if we separate the characteristics and you ask when does narcissism

00:24:04.300 have validity right i'm saying if you take the word out oh take okay if you take the word out

00:24:09.580 and you're in a position of threat of life right whether it's yourself or anybody else

00:24:15.660 those characteristics are now revered you put the word back in now it's now you're now because

00:24:22.220 you're doing it too and it's going to cause harm to somebody that's when narcissism doesn't have

00:24:28.140 a place so maybe like i said maybe that there is no real answer to that because that sounds like

00:24:32.540 you're now if you're going to take that word out you're just falling back into confidence again

00:24:36.780 right it's the word minute like toxic masculinity minute we attach word to a certain thing and

00:24:42.540 because categorizing them and you're screwing yourself added to our brain and then we question

00:24:47.260 ourselves this is why labels are and i i'm sorry if you're going to keep believing this you probably

00:24:50.940 won't with the but um we'll say it again just for just the third time's a charm yeah um

00:24:57.180 but why this is another example of why labels in every sense of the form

00:25:02.060 are a problem and this is why i think guys like me maybe from your perspective we

00:25:09.260 because i've heard a lot of psychotherapists and a lot of therapists uh say you know we know you

00:25:14.220 don't like me or we know we don't like what i do and i don't think that's what it is i think it's

00:25:18.140 because it almost in my brain if i sit down with a psychotherapist counselor whoever psychologist

00:25:24.140 it's just gonna label me i'm gonna fit inside of like 30 you know categories and they're gonna keep

00:25:28.940 boom boom boom boom boom boom until they figure out what pill to give me right so these labels

00:25:32.620 lead to problems and i've always thought that labels lead to problems and what you're saying

00:25:36.940 about words is we're kind of labeling these things and they're getting a life of their own when if

00:25:41.660 you didn't put a label on them yeah you just kept that mentality might not be dangerous it might not

00:25:46.540 be somebody else is getting hurt or understand the word that you use understand it properly

00:25:52.220 right that's why like you know we said irregulated are you just telling me i don't understand the

00:25:56.620 words that are coming out of my mouth no but i get it 20 minutes yeah yeah

00:26:04.060 well that's it no more three episodes but yeah i guess you're right like it is it's just trying to

00:26:09.660 make sense out of these things right so if the word like toxic narcissism things like that are

00:26:14.060 you're not used in the actual real way they should be used so like say say you know let's

00:26:19.420 role play for a second you've you've expressed everything that you've expressed to me about

00:26:23.180 about how you see the world okay and i come to return back and i go hey you know that's a toxic

00:26:29.260 masculinity right you're gonna take a stance to that because you're like we want to fight right

00:26:35.180 you and you're gonna get an offended and you watch your mouth bucky i'm not toxic you know

00:26:40.460 out. You don't understand my life. I had to go through this. You know what it was like. 0.95

00:26:44.220 Right. So what it's done is now we're going to get contentious. Right. But if I kind of listen

00:26:49.020 to you and I go, you know, it sounds that there's a regulated emotion control or, you know, you're

00:26:54.540 having difficulty knowing when to switch it off. Same story. Difficulty switching it off. You have

00:27:02.060 more relatability because you're like, that is where my issue is. I'd still say, let's go back.

00:27:05.740 What do you mean? I got a problem switching it off. Let me switch it on and show you what I'm all

00:27:08.460 boat. Right. No, yeah, I get it. Right.

00:27:10.460 Because that's where my profession misses the mark.

00:27:14.620 Right. And I'm not saying, you know, there are not credible

00:27:17.900 people out there that have been in this field for a very long

00:27:19.900 time and they know what they're doing. You need words to

00:27:22.620 reference, but there are internal words and then there are

00:27:26.060 words that we talk in the general public. You use internal

00:27:29.100 words in the general public like narcissism, right?

00:27:33.820 Yes, there's a clinical definition to it. Yes, it's a

00:27:36.700 psychological understanding of when the other individual has no care or regard for anyone in

00:27:42.140 their environment it's a social media meme word too right it's a buzzword you've seen i've seen it

00:27:47.420 for 10 years now on social media any woman that ever or a man that gets into a problem with their

00:27:51.980 significant other they're like i was dating a narcissist or an emotional avoidant or a catch

00:27:57.020 like you know and understand it uh understand what it's referencing and then say okay does that

00:28:03.980 person exhibit that because we all have it we all have you want narcissism go to a big company

00:28:12.620 okay and say this department is going to get 30 cut every person is going to turn narcissist why

00:28:17.980 because they got to look out for themselves because the narcissist looks out for themselves

00:28:21.020 at least the food on your plate self-preservation and depending on the path you took to get that job

00:28:27.820 your desire to save your job is that much experientially great what are you going to do

00:28:34.540 you're going to exhibit every characteristic a narcissist would do why because narcissism

00:28:38.800 is self-preservation but it's going to lead to that exactly that yeah what I'm saying is because

00:28:43.300 the circumstance is you're going to a department comes in 30 percent of you department's going to

00:28:48.880 go, and you're a department of, say, 10 people, right? All 10 are going to go for self-preservation

00:28:58.180 because they don't want to be in that 30%. That means each one of you are narcissists. That's my

00:29:02.820 point. Well, this is why you can't get unions inside of fighting or WWE or pro wrestling is

00:29:07.800 because everybody is an individual. The second you put their back against the wall and you start

00:29:10.800 threatening jobs. What I'm going to get at is that we all exhibit the characteristic when the

00:29:15.540 environment calls for it. So don't go labeling people. Because

00:29:20.760 you equally have those components until it's relevant to you.

00:29:28.380 Take a competitive parent that's going on the pitch and calling

00:29:31.240 the ref for not calling a play. Isn't that narcissism? Or

00:29:35.040 making sure that your kid gets an extra two minutes on the

00:29:37.260 mound. That's narcissism. 0.85

00:29:38.660 It's got traits of it. Yes.

00:29:39.860 But you're not defining it because you are saying, but no,

00:29:43.140 doing it for so no it's the same because we're looking at characteristics that's what i'm saying

00:29:46.900 words matter so what will we do if we find ourselves subconsciously making these decisions

00:29:51.300 and they seem to lead to the negative right like some of them will lead to the negative the mother

00:29:55.860 getting up there and screaming at the coach may get your kid not played next season or you know

00:30:01.460 what i mean the next game or next season right like these things can lead to issues what i'm saying is

00:30:05.860 but now we're getting lost in the details right yeah well i love that that's why i would wish

00:30:10.340 we could do three-hour podcasts right and it's a fair statement but what i'm saying is you know

00:30:15.460 it's more for the audience right because now you know they get kind of lost in the trailer end of

00:30:19.220 it the big picture is that words matter we misuse words all the time when it comes to the alpha lens

00:30:25.940 you know you have other you know and it it belongs to all genders because this is a characteristic

00:30:32.820 trait this is not an identity trait it's a primal trait it's a part the primal you we see it in

00:30:40.260 nature all the time we see it with moms you know if she if she feels that her kids or her family

00:30:45.620 are going to be threatened she's going to turn alpha in a nanosecond well there's been reports

00:30:49.300 for years of ladies lifting the car off of their child right so you hear about that if a mother's 1.00

00:30:53.220 kid is trapped into the car she'll pick that thing up whatever horizon yeah so those are 1.00

00:30:58.020 characteristics don't get caught on the words and understand that it's malleable and understand that

00:31:02.980 it's energy that you can manage and all you need to understand is is it assertive is it passive

00:31:09.620 when is it necessary when is it not necessary right tom hanks is another good one right saving

00:31:16.180 pirate ryan assertive right um i know you're going to say forrest gump i was going to say

00:31:24.420 horse passes right clint eastwood you want clint eastwood okay let's talk about big clint yeah yeah

00:31:32.660 a million dollar baby gran torino right see that you just you know i'm i've got it right

00:31:42.020 and that's what people need to understand it use use the information to reference yourself

00:31:47.700 don't corner yourself because the minute you corner yourself you only corner yourself because

00:31:52.980 it depends on how the world looks and how you can translate the world you know the more we

00:31:58.100 do these the more i realize too i'm gonna have to get you in for a conversation just about movies

00:32:02.820 and movie characters because you are a movie character reference machine sim i love because

00:32:08.820 when they're good examples right i use it in session because it allows people to then frame

00:32:13.380 their minds right because we personify idols and people in our environment and movies is one place

00:32:21.540 where we go and we kind of try to emulate that character and that's what gives actors and

00:32:26.740 actresses this sense of respect because they can take on a character that is not them

00:32:33.060 i'm presented in a way where you're like that is them and maybe i'm confused but i i think

00:32:39.300 through this past 45 minutes you've just been telling me i'm jason born right so i'm happy with

00:32:44.020 the ending there i love being jason born no i'm joking i'm gonna read this book the art of

00:32:48.580 manliness what do you i know you've read it what is the biggest takeaway that you took from this

00:32:52.820 book it's got probably the most middle pack um advice like it's got on how to tie a tie right

00:33:03.460 that's what people want to hear that's that old school jordan peterson mentality they eat simple

00:33:08.260 rules simple simple stuff keep yourself structured right man i wish you didn't fall off that guy right

00:33:13.700 and life happens right sorry it's just you're a mess yeah um the point is is that

00:33:22.900 we're more center right and center left and we've we kind of fluctuated between those two

00:33:29.220 it's finding your am i more center left tend to be what do i need to do to be a little bit more

00:33:35.860 center right and then you go and find those tools so it could be where uh cbt is a very good

00:33:43.140 way because in cbt you do cognitive reframing right so if you are say goodwill hunting

00:33:50.420 watch that movie go watch jason bourne right and go okay same character individual matt damon he

00:33:58.340 didn't change go hey um he had to learn this character because he's not that character and

00:34:03.940 he presented it in a certain way he had to learn this character what he so he went and went into

00:34:08.100 the world learn those tools right he had to learn how to fight he had to build endurance which

00:34:13.860 means he had to change his diet he had to change sleeping da da da focus on that because those

00:34:18.660 things you can control you can control your diet because he didn't become from good with hunting

00:34:24.740 to that just by doing you know nothing reading books or listening podcasts he dedicated himself

00:34:32.740 to become that character you know a very charming man out back of a bar one day uh his name was

00:34:40.020 russell and he was wearing a pair of daisy dukes and he told me that if you live in the life of

00:34:44.420 narcissism with empathy eventually it just leads to clinical depression and it sounded crazy at

00:34:49.940 the time but the older i get and the more i think about russell and his daisy dukes i think he may

00:34:54.580 have been on to something soon maybe yeah and more of this conversation makes me realize that i know

00:35:00.580 nothing about being a man so we're gonna have to book another one and maybe next time we talk about

00:35:05.300 omega yeah we could do that that would be a nice lead out of uh alpha male so hopefully if anybody's

00:35:10.700 watching you've learned something about not only being a man again and masculinity and it's not

00:35:14.960 toxic despite what people say it's irregularly it's irregularly and you've learned a little bit

00:35:20.300 about what it means to be alpha so next time we see you we'll be talking omega sim thank you so

00:35:25.480 much i can't thank you enough like i said i don't even know how you have the time to come in here 0.95

00:35:28.740 and talk to a fool like me when you have such a brilliant brain and you should be booked all the 0.98

00:35:33.360 time. I am. Things I do for a Klondike bar. Thanks guys. Thank you. 1.00

True Patriot Love - March 22, 2026

Modern Masculinity： The Alpha Male - with Sim Chhabra

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