What Kind of Man Are You, Really？ ft. Sim Chhabra
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Summary
In this episode of the Psycho and the Psychotherapist we discuss what it means to be a man and the archetypes that are used to define what a man is. We discuss the four most prominent ones: alpha males, beta males, alpha females, omega males, and sigmas.
Transcript
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welcome back to another episode of the psycho and the psychotherapist no i'm just joking it is me
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little brady wedham um i'm gonna call myself a simpleton because uh i am a simpleton and after
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shooting these two episodes with our resident psychotherapist sim the simulator shabra nice to
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see you brady i have found out that i'm a simpleton on what a man is i i feel like i came into this
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originally two episodes ago with an idea of what it is to be a man and how to man yourself up
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and now shooting the beginning of this third episode i realize i am just an infant when it
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comes to intelligence because i didn't really realize how wrong i was so let's recap a little
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bit of uh what we did in the first and the second episode we'll try and do it quick if anybody isn't
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watching i encourage you to go and watch if you haven't but if they haven't watched the episode
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what did we kind of discover in your opinion uh i think we covered quite a lot and i do uh
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to to kind of recap the listeners a bit over here uh some of the things that we covered was one what
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it is to be a man and then we moved on to saying that it's more about a classic definition and
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it's more about the characteristics that you follow and then when you look at it through the
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um archetypes that are out there there are many but we picked the four most prominent ones
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we picked alpha which is probably the most recognizable these are the ones that are like
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uh determined as being leaders and you know the go-getters and the ones that are agents of change
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uh you have the betas they tend to be the ones that are like supporting cast of alphas they they
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kind of keep the team in line and get what needs to be done to to keep the order uh you have the
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omegas omegas tend to be more like the outliers and you know depending on what classification or
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where you read you know they could be the ones that are more uh the observers uh they could be
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the ones that are like intellectually sharp but emotionally kind of like um unconnected yeah that
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doesn't mean they don't feel they just kind of have a different way of expressing themselves
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and then you have the last one that we talked about which was sigmas and they tend to be the
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outliers kind of like the lone wolves you know they kind of like uh jump to their own beat to
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their own drums kind of thing so those those are the main things that we covered um we did get into
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in depth in the second episode with about what alphas are and i would encourage them you know
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any listeners to kind of go back and read that a little bit or hear that a little bit more um what
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I would like to kind of explore a little bit more is the remaining three that we haven't covered.
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Yep. And I think alpha deserved its own episode because of, you know, the misconceptions not only
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do people have about alpha males in that term, but I think alpha male seems to be the one that
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people focus on the most. Right. It's the it's the one that, you know, we get marketed towards,
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right? Like to be an alpha male is to be masculine. But the more that we talked in that last episode,
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the more i realized that those labels are kind of almost useless at this point because if you type
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cast yourself into one corner it makes it difficult for you to then relate to all fours or if you start
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relating to the other three you then go am i not or am i this so a very good uh example that we
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used in the that episode was you know when can you be an alpha when can you be a beta when can
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be an omega when can be a sigma so for like say a an individual who has a ceo offensive position
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or their upper management in a work setting they would have to exhibit alpha like personality why
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because they got to make sure that the company's getting new business they got to make sure that
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they're you know leading a team they're making decisions you're competing in a competitive
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work environment so a very good example would be with the current state of affairs
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you would need alpha personalities to make sure that your company or whatever you are positioned
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for so you know survives the storm even if it's just a confidence boost right because people are
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looking up to you yeah so and then the betas would be like you're uh the same person now
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but at home where they are taking on a a secondary role to say caregiving right so for for our sense
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purposes we're using males so you know if the female is a nurturer which is what we established
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in the first episode right well now you're a beta in that role because you're taking
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um instructions from the alpha in the house who's the primary care giver in terms of the
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nurturing part of things right so if say you have a newborn and you know you're on night duty
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then you're not being an alpha there you're being a beta there yeah yeah you're stepping into the
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role that needs to be filled you're taking yeah so that's where the beta comes in because you're
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making sure that you know there's uniformity in parenting there's care for the child so you know
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that's how the beta kind of comes in for the same person at the same time now you know you go okay
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how would you be in omega and omega is like you know you to be a construct of society which means
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you still have to get up go you may be a ceo but now you're answerable to the board of directors
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you're answerable to your stakeholders you handle that answerable to your business community so
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there you're kind of like a little bit separated uh you're not you know as emotionally connected
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in terms of how much control you have in terms of directing so that's kind of like the omegas
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it's a very vague example so and then sigma is you wanting to make your own mark yes right you
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wanting to take company in a certain direction so you may have just stepped in your role as a ceo
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and you're like i want to make sure that i leave a legacy right so that's like sigma trade so the
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reason why we kind of like came to like you you have to be all four because it's a fluid thing
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depending on what situation you're in will determine um what you're expected to not only
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physical situation but even the mental situation that you could be in at the time too right you'll
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find that maybe in a physical situation you would have at one point in your life acted in an alpha
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male role but then you realize that that didn't really work for you so now you take an adjustment
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and come back and maybe you're in a beta role this time and it does work for you so there's
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a way to learn from using these different things this is why the more we talk the more i realize
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that these labels aren't actually yeah they're they're labels they're there because you need
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the placeholders they're placeholders right you need a word and you need things to relate to to
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be able to have the discussion based off of that and i feel like that's what those are they're
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exactly what you just said placeholders to have that discussion right and the the the trick is
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to knowing how to transition between and be fluid about it because that's where you kind of like
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start getting the virginity and friction because now all of a sudden you're like but i'm an alpha
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uh what am i doing here well with a really good pop culture reference that you used last time
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explaining office is the jerry mcguire and the mission impossible versions of tom cruise
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so you both are alpha males but they're in different settings yeah but they still handle
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themselves in that label right out they both seem like they're alpha males just in two different
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there's a sliding scale there right so if we were going to take pop culture references and attach
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them to sigma beta and omega yeah what culture like what pop culture personality is just so
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it's relatable what who would we put in those roles so perfect examples of those so what i did
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is i kind of like change it up a little bit so what i did is i looked at different types of omegas
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different types of sigmas different types of betas okay so and i use sitcoms because sitcoms
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tend to be longer running i'm a sitcom guy so and you you kind of connect with the character
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a lot longer um so starting if it's written well a lot of the times you'll see these these uh these
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shows kind of fall off but let's say the the initial three season run keep right i i think
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i've picked um some legacy sitcoms okay throw them at me so for the beta i picked uh cleveland
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from family guy cleveland brown i'm cleveland brown i picked lenny from simpsons oh i can't
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do lenny's voice but i i know yes okay leonard from big bang theory okay right yeah and uh
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Uh, so when you look at that now, they all exhibit beta characters, but there's, they're
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uniquely, uh, different for each, like, if you look at what, how Cleveland plays himself
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How Lenny plays himself out and how, um, Leonard Leonard plays themselves out.
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if you look at omegas okay with omegas i picked millhouse
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right uh chris griffin from family guy chris griffin why do my arms smell like rotten strawberries
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i think the audience is starting to find out that i do voice impressions after this episode but keep
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going yeah um uncle joey from uh full house okay oh sexy uncle joey yeah yeah okay he was a perfect
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omega because uncle jesse got a fiance and got it was it jesse and the rippers right it was the
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name of his band yeah and then uh you had screech from saved by the bell oh dustin diamond oh my
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goodness yeah i mean like yeah i was gonna pick um urkel but i like the dustin diamond reference
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i think urkel was a urkel wasn't even a that wasn't based off of anything i think the first
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episode it was and then you know next thing you know he's stefan urkel coming out of the time
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machine that was such a he jumped behind the sofa and like family matters uh the the consistency
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and the continuity in that show is ridiculous the one daughter just disappeared and no one ever
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brought it up after the first season yeah fresh prince of bel-air like and vivian well i got that
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though that was an actress change right but yeah you know what i mean like and little nikki went
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from being a baby to like a four-year-old and yeah okay so going back let's not steer off on
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our love for sitcoms but okay and then for uh sigma as i picked the fonts oh hey right yeah
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uh dylan from 90210 oh sexy dylan you got a lot of sexy people on this one yeah well they were
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they were the classic sigmas yeah right and then you have magnum pi you have michael knight tom
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sellick yeah right yeah like these were your you these were more enamored than the alphas were
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because they were like the the machos macho but they weren't in the alpha setting they were more
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like but they were personified as like these independent beings like even alphas were like
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like the fawns that seemed like he would be an alpha to me explain why the fawns isn't an alpha
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because when you look at the setting it was made in he was always the rebel he was the guy that
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was outside the norm yeah right yeah same thing with magnum pi he was outside michael knight he
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Alphas and sigmas, they have to be forward-facing because you have to be the one that's leading.
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They just tend to be a little bit on the outside of the square of society.
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Alphas aspire to be more sigmas because they're freer.
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They do all the attributes of an alpha without the constraints of society.
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And I have no idea because I never was part of a fraternity.
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But why did fraternities and universities use these, the alpha, beta,
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sigma in terms of their, like their frat hoses?
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Like, is there no relation there at all to personalities?
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I think psychology just took it on more to kind of classify people.
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Like you, you need, you need a way to classify how people, when they
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we may have a greater tendency towards one over another so when a lot of the tests or
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service that you know you do they go you're this the idea is you got to go you prefer this but
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you're also these three and just like the example we use with one person now being a ceo being a
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parent you know being an employee whether you're a ceo or not and then whether having your personal
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wishes. Right. Tom Brady is a perfect example of all four on the field is a quarterback. Quarterbacks
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are classic alphas. Right. But as a team team, because craft's going to tell them what to do.
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Right. So he's the beta there because he has to be bound by the rules of the game.
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So do you remember how this, this, our first episode started? Yeah. Right. I took a sniff of,
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of these wonderful smelling salts, which I'll do again by the end of this episode.
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Yeah. And I, I looked into your eyes and I said, Sim, why are you a man? Yeah. And you
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laughed because it's three and it, but, and it wasn't the question I think you were laughing
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at. I think you laughed because you already knew the answer to that. And there was no
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way to actually tell me without doing a long form discussion on it. Yeah. Right. As simple
00:13:09.440
as a question as that is doesn't have a simple answer. Yeah. Right. So after that initial
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conversation had happened, I had told you, and the name of the show was, uh, man up.
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No. So I feel I can answer that question better now, because how do I know that I'm
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a man? Because there's four areas that I can say, okay, you know, how do I fit in
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these four areas? So, uh, the first one I would say is how well do you know yourself?
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with connecting with your emotions. So knowing what you feel. Okay. How well are you connecting
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with others? Okay. And then the fourth one is how well can you, um, take action,
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take initiative. So within those four, I can say, okay, this is where I am confident in taking
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action taking initiative i would say i am middle in terms of how i express emotion okay and that's
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just an area of focus and development again how well do i connect with others i would say hi
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right and the fourth one in terms of um that again i would say i'm in the middle
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so how do i know i'm at it's how i know i fit in those four ranges
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is that a better answer yeah it is and i think it was the it was the answer i was looking for but
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i also because i have the luxury of being able to sit down with a beautiful human like yourself
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and ask these questions and have this discussion and i can apply this because this is applying to
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me so i feel like when i you know and if there's anybody in the audience that you know it feels
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like it applies to them that's great yeah but this piece of paper these this group of piece
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paper here you've actually given us a way to apply this into our own lives yeah so um you know it's
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great that we can kind of like talk about it but like you know an average listener would want to
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go okay how do i put it all together yeah how does it how do i make sense of being self-aware
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how do i find out about myself a little bit more and how does this relate to this discussion and
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how do i how do i fit into those four if you're saying i'm all four how would i know where i'm
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in those four and those traits. So an easy way to frame that is kind of like a four by four. Okay.
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So four traits, four archetypes. Okay. So the four archetypes we've already talked about, it's alpha,
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beta, omega, and sigma, right? So what would be the four traits then that would be important?
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Like I talked about, it'd be knowing yourself, right? How well do you know yourself? How confident
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are you in taking action okay how are you with relating to others and how good are you emotionally
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aware of yourself okay so that's your four by four now the best way to kind of look at it from like
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a working example think of it as you know you heard the phrase like an on all four cylinders
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right yeah yeah on all four on all four yep right so your four cylinders are your traits
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okay because you need all four to function and you also need you also need those to understand
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too right like right yeah those labels right like i said they're placeholders to right but
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like if you understand like for you to have momentum right your traits need to be in sync
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so they have so you need to have an awareness because you have to be equally self-aware to be
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able to comfortably express to be able to comfortably relate to be able to take action
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so those are the cylinders okay now when you look at a combustion engine cycle you have the intake
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you have compression you have ignition and you have exhaust right those are your archetypes
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that's your four by four it's a good way to put it that's a good way to put it and what that does
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is it takes away this need to corner yourself into a title so now you cannot be on alpha dominant
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because you're one of four you're either the intake you're either a combustion you're either
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the compression or your exhaust but they're all equally they're not equally um concise i blow a
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lot of hot wind so i'm assuming i'm the exhaust less beans but so if you can compress that now
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Now, if you want to get a little bit more broad, bigger, and you'd be like, okay, yeah,
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you can then say, okay, I'm a one liter engine and I'm a 2.5 liter.
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And that could, that makes it more into a personal conversation.
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So one of the things that, you know, I created specifically for our series is I, uh, created
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this questionnaire that people can go on and we'll add the link to the bottom of our, our
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show yep where you know there's simple five questions that they can kind of read for themselves
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and it's broken down into exactly those categories so your first four categories are your traits
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right those are your cylinders you need to know that those four cylinders are constant so knowing
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yourself how well do you know yourself and the rating scale is quite straightforward so uh it
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goes from low to high so low would be i avoid this right uh i struggle with this would be two
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i can do it sometimes i handle this well and then this comes to me naturally right so for example
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uh let's take let's pick a character and then we'll kind of like walk you through one of the
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things so let's take uh let's take leonard from big bang oh that's a good one that will give you
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a lot of fun to play with because his mind is obviously ridden with anxiety yeah and he's
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dating Penny, especially when they break up. Like he was a mess in that. I see the first couple
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seasons. I fell off of it. I feel like the set got more colorful and the jokes got more bland
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as the time went on. But I love the original concept of the big bang. I think that's, that's
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a more realistic than, than not in a sitcom setting or a sitcom setting, a bunch of kind of
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hopeless misfit loser boys trying to find love right so i will put leonard and let's do leonard
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yeah okay because um sheldon dictated the rules of the apartment right even when he started dating
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penny and she'd be like what is this wait a minute why don't we go into like segue podcast shows
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i i we we will eventually now that i know that your your vast knowledge of sitcoms is this deep
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i'm going to create a happiness show on sitcoms yeah there you go um so if you look at leonard
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yeah right uh taking action right when something needs attention am i willing to step in rather
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than wait well he's a classic example of like a two right because he struggles with it and
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he exhibits that right because they had that uh lease binder agreement whatever they call it the
0.86
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Uh, it's a, uh, yeah, it was Italian and you couldn't, or Chinese anybody who's ever lived
00:20:14.480
with me. That's watching this right now. It goes, you know, that's Brady, right? Uh, yeah. Um,
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rules. If I notice a problem, I take the initiative to improve it. I would say, again,
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he's a two. Yeah, probably a two. Right. I am comfortable making decisions. Even when
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everything isn't clear, that's a one, that's a one. Right. Uh, when I commit to something,
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i make a real effort to follow through that he's a four he's a four you see and then the last one
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i act on my goals instead of letting them stay on the to-do list well for that he's a four he's a
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four as well right let's pick one more pick another character okay um just because we're already in
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the l's let's take lenny the pushover actually no let's go millhouse let's go millhouse we'll take
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we're gonna take it okay we're going to completely different uh category uh let's do relating to
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others right okay and let's bring in when lisa comes into the picture okay because that's his
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kryptonite lisa is millhouse's kryptonite or bloodstorm a copy of bloodstorm it's either lisa
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or bloodstorm you know what factually i think guys when it comes to those things we're more like
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uh millhouse's urkel screeches we're very dorky we go into that extreme even when we go into the
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the facade that i'm gonna i'm gonna get this girl no no you're you're crapping your pants in the
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background, I don't even care if she's in love with you.
1.00
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And she made the, when you see a pretty girl that stimulates here, a pretty guy
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that stimulates, uh, you are out of control at that point.
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You know, we're Raj and season two, where he couldn't even talk.
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During a disagreement, I consider where the other person is coming from.
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yeah two right because he's like an avoidant right like i don't want to deal with this yeah
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people often people often feel comfortable talking with me lisa not so much no bart
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maybe yeah he's probably a two right yeah one or two i adjust how i communicate depending on the
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situation or the person a one he's a one yeah he's passive right he's like a pushover right yeah uh
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i find ways to connect with people maybe a two three i could see him being a three because i
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think no house was easy relatable right but at least i would go to it too easy yes right yes
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uh i make a point of staying connected with people who matter to me that he's a four
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because he's he's like bar he's bar's best friend he's loyal until he gets a copy of bloodstorm he
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tells you to go home yeah yeah you know but he's loyal yeah so so that's that's the idea of uh
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well let's take jerry mcguire then and apply the the crazy uh alpha male on that one side
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of the sliding scale let's do jerry mcguire uh do you want to do traits or do you want it in
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the archetype do it in the archetype okay yeah so let's do jerry but give me one
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where jerry now has to be either a beta or an omega
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or a sigma no let's go omega i think omega is probably yeah that's a good rule okay
00:23:22.880
So, for Jerry and Omega, I would say either when he is trying to call all his other players
00:23:34.040
that he represented, because he started his own firm, and he had to deal with that setback,
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Everybody just remembers Jerry Maguire, because the name was called...
00:23:51.760
when he went on the first date with uh you complete me whatever her name was yeah okay right
00:23:57.120
yeah so in that right so if you go i am aware that i experienced situations a little differently
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from those around me he's a high because he realized he's in a four right yeah i prefer
00:24:10.880
observing and becoming aware of my surroundings before acting a four another four because he
00:24:16.480
wouldn't have left his agency yeah right uh i prefer finding my place in a group rather than
00:24:22.400
leading it oh he's like a two because one to two yeah he actually might even be falling into the
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one scale because he's a leader right uh i notice moments when i feel unaware about where i belong
00:24:33.840
in the situation he's like uh he became very well aware very early on that this is not because
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remember he had to come back to the movie would never end it that way if he hadn't come
00:24:46.720
he'd still be going to this day soon he'd be signing agent single
00:24:52.320
and then i prefer reflecting before expressing my thoughts right so he struggles with it yeah
00:24:59.520
he's like a two right so that's how that's how this the scale works it's a very self-reflective
00:25:06.400
it's not scientific it's not designed to diagnose it's not designed to label but it's designed to
00:25:11.440
become a little bit more self-aware and kind of go okay how do i feel about this how do i feel about
00:25:16.800
that now you know for anyone out there uh it's going to be available uh you can fill it up we'll
00:25:22.640
make sure that the link is in the description so they can download it as well the results are
00:25:26.800
confidential they're not going to be shared anywhere and i i offer a free we can't put them
00:25:31.280
on the website sim no i'm joking make a tick tock out of it yeah no that's it's nice that you've
00:25:36.640
done this as well because anybody who is watching you've given them something to actually that's
00:25:42.000
applicable like they can apply this to their life right yeah i mean because we you know the fact that
00:25:46.560
we created a series of it right so it's a great way to kind of like okay how do you bring it home
00:25:51.280
and you can book a complimentary console um for 20 minutes uh and then we can go over the results
00:25:58.320
and we can talk about how you would like you know there are an area that you would like to strengthen
00:26:02.400
there's an area that you would like to attend to because of you know life experiences or say
00:26:08.080
you know a very good example would be like say you're a beta but you're aiming for a top management
00:26:13.200
position or you're an alpha and you're learning how to be a little bit more um beta like with
00:26:20.080
your team right because everybody's moving in different transitions so you can take this you'd
00:26:24.160
be like we can see where your tendencies are again this is non-scientific this is just something so
00:26:29.040
people can kind of like place themselves in it's it's an education of understanding yourself yeah
00:26:33.840
yeah and i i can't thank you enough for not only building this for the audience yeah but sitting
00:26:38.960
down now and this has got to be we've got to be running into two hours of sitting down and talking
00:26:43.520
to me yeah well i enjoy that that's why well it is there anything that you'd like to kind of leave
00:26:48.720
everybody with before i close this out like is there one last message that you could say about
00:26:53.680
anybody who's confused about either their masculinity their femininity themselves
00:26:59.120
what is the best thing that we can leave them with if they've watched this episode
00:27:03.280
and they watched the previous episodes and they came out of this saying you know i really
00:27:06.800
like sim i really like his opinion i'd like to know what could work for me what's a nutshell
00:27:11.680
kind of thing that you can put out there for people to like i said better themselves so
00:27:33.560
Uh, this will help you kind of shape it a little bit.
00:27:37.640
Uh, you could go to the websites, horizon within.ca.
00:27:45.940
we can have a conversation about it and we can build it from there awesome thank you very much
00:27:50.740
sim my fellow patriots look at that we learned what masculinity is as much as we can understand
00:27:56.580
it with our little teeny tiny brains but this man just made my brain a little bit bigger and i can't
00:28:01.140
thank him enough for that please check out tplmedia.ca for more shows like this and you can
00:28:06.100
also download the app on the app store in the app store for apple as well at true patriot love
00:28:12.260
download that app check out our website subscribe to youtube find us on social media we are around
00:28:17.860
sim thank you so much about helping me discover what i'm good at and what i'm not good at and
00:28:22.980
before we go we're going to finish the show the way we started it all right smelling salts for everyone