True Patriot Love - Why High Achievers Still Feel Unfulfilled

00:00:00.000 hi i'm teresa greco the host of the happy hour we're on the show we talk about the things that

00:00:09.120 can help us to live our happiest lives physically mentally emotionally and spiritually today on the

00:00:15.440 guest i have an amazing friend of mine named sean marshall sean welcome to the show thank you super

00:00:24.240 always grateful to spend time with you teresa so thank you for having me thank you thank you

00:00:29.200 so sean why don't you tell everybody about how awesome you are

00:00:36.000 um yeah i just give a brief intro uh and they can decide if i'm awesome or not i'm a i'm a lifelong

00:00:42.400 entrepreneur i was in i'm a former military uh navigator from the in i was a navigator in the

00:00:49.040 u.s navy uh and then i've been an entrepreneur for since i got out in oh three so 23 years at this

00:00:57.120 point uh and i'm currently running a coaching company i've been in the coaching space for

00:01:03.360 almost 20 years leadership and ontological coaching and uh ultimately i help high performers or people

00:01:10.720 who are living really good lives make really big transitions in their life mostly i work i run a 12

00:01:19.280 month uh small group coaching program called inner game mastery but i also take a few private clients

00:01:25.520 outside of that so that's what i'm up to yeah awesome so i can't wait to talk about with you so

00:01:32.480 kind of the show is based on in like two parts the first part we talk about the things that might be

00:01:37.360 impeding our happiness the things that maybe are stopping us from living our happiest lives and and and

00:01:44.720 that you know is very broad right because it can include so many different areas and then the second

00:01:51.280 part is where we then start to transition into like what are the solutions and so i'm very interested

00:01:57.280 if you could tell us a little bit more about the clientele that you work with so that we can get an

00:02:01.760 idea as to the issues that you help them to overcome yeah yeah it's interesting i have it's like 30

00:02:10.080 of my clients are that mid 35 range right maybe late 20s mid 30s they tend to they actually they're all

00:02:17.840 entrepreneurs some of them are just getting a business off the ground but some are already doing

00:02:23.040 really well in in a business um and they're going they're typically going through some kind of a

00:02:29.600 transition uh one of them just closed a business that him and his best friends opened and built and

00:02:37.440 built this amazing branding is an it was a nightclub uh very successful nightclub in the city that they

00:02:43.280 that they live in uh and they just they closed it last year and so he's it's a massive you could say

00:02:49.840 identity shift it's always an identity shift in from in my world anyway but it's a physical shift from

00:02:56.560 nightclub owner uh to their they're starting a new business now and they have a phenomenal idea more in the

00:03:03.440 digital age so but there's this shift of transitioning and creating a new identity um

00:03:11.200 i have uh and then i have like 70 of clients are they tend to be 50 to 70 in that in that age range

00:03:17.520 and they've lived most of them are entrepreneurial as well i helped a couple last year husband and

00:03:23.360 wife couple i worked with them independently so they were working on their own stuff but one of the things

00:03:28.560 together that we worked on was actually selling their business uh and then the wife went on and 0.82

00:03:33.520 wanted to run a political career so i helped her there's a whole bunch of physical things you have

00:03:38.560 to do to do that but i helped her make that transition over to politics she didn't get elected but we ran a

00:03:43.680 freaking awesome campaign and then she started a podcast and so we i've helped her shift into starting 1.00

00:03:48.880 and launching a podcast and she's in interviewing influences in her city and wanting to make a difference

00:03:56.400 um so it's it's people like that i have another woman that's actually in politics as well and she 0.94

00:04:03.200 but politics was kind of a hiding place for her a way to check out from some of the stuff she was 0.71

00:04:10.640 going through in life um so she was going through transitions could be i try not to just say too

00:04:17.360 specific about a specific person but sometimes they're going through pretty gnarly divorces

00:04:22.320 so i help them get through that process and like really reconnect to who they are and their own

00:04:28.080 values and their own vision so one of them i helped go through a really radical divorce last year and

00:04:33.520 then she's launching a new career right now so that give you kind of an idea for who they are yeah

00:04:40.800 yeah and it's interesting to me because as you speak of their stories

00:04:44.400 stories i think well it looks like they got it all together right like wow they're a politician

00:04:51.520 you know they're launching this and they've sold a business and it it sounds like they're doing all

00:04:55.680 the right things so what would make them want to think that they needed to work with somebody like

00:05:00.960 you like what makes somebody think well maybe i should contact the life coach when everything looks

00:05:06.960 like they have it all together yeah yeah it usually they they're usually not seeking a coach per se but

00:05:15.840 they come across my work in some way and then they follow i write every single day i've been writing every

00:05:21.040 day for five years and so they start reading my emails and then they like they either like what i have

00:05:26.560 to say or they don't but if they do they stay they listen they read and then then when they get to a

00:05:31.280 point where they're going through something that the tools and methodologies that have worked for

00:05:36.800 them in the path they stop working i'm kind of already positioned in a way in their mind in their

00:05:42.080 heart and then they'll reach out but but typically what's going on for them at that point is i i talk

00:05:49.520 about life in domains you know like spiritual domain money domain career domain relationship etc

00:05:55.920 so typically one or two of those of the domains in their life are not working you know so so they may

00:06:03.680 be making money but they but but they're way off track on their health and it's something that now

00:06:10.880 it's starting to impact them or something happened like um infidelity i've had i've had someone come

00:06:18.400 to me for infidelity you know in a long decade multiple multi-decade long very happy marriage and um

00:06:27.200 infidelity rocked this person's entire world and took this person's focus off of their career and

00:06:36.720 you know really just hijacked their focus so typically something like that will happen

00:06:41.760 that hijacks their focus and suddenly the things that they were doing and the way they were operating

00:06:46.640 it's not working anymore now if we had to think about the different decades because you mentioned you

00:06:53.760 you know many of the people around 35 or so but then you have another large group of people that are

00:06:59.680 in their 50s and you know to 70s that are also seeking some assistance so you must have noticed some

00:07:06.320 trends in the like evolution of our lives that as we continue to accomplish more things and acquire more

00:07:16.160 things and and learn more about ourselves in that process you think again that somebody in their 50s and

00:07:23.520 70s would know so much right they have so much knowledge and wisdom and experience that they've gathered

00:07:30.080 what is it at that point because you said you have a large um group of people in that particular

00:07:36.000 demographic what is it at that point in our life that maybe isn't on track the way that it should be

00:07:44.320 and again they come to you looking for help yeah you know what i find like there's a the common thread

00:07:51.280 i think with the 50s 60s 70s is they they tend to have an urgency that the younger folks don't have

00:08:00.480 you know and it's it's not to be confused because my younger clients that the late 20s early mid 30s

00:08:06.720 they're ambitious right they have ambition but but they also they don't understand at the same level

00:08:15.680 that maybe someone in their 65 70 who has lost a parent maybe both parents or parents are maybe

00:08:25.200 declining in health or they've lost a bunch of friends or you know their mobility and health isn't

00:08:31.920 the same that it was when they were in their mid 30s there's an urgency that comes with that that

00:08:37.520 like holy crap i'm all of a sudden 75 my newest client is 73 and she's an absolute flipping rock star 0.84

00:08:48.000 but she but there's an urgency to her and she she you know she has a high high standard of herself

00:08:55.520 and she's also not living up fully to that high standard and this is a phrase you you and your

00:09:02.400 viewers have probably heard a million times and she actually used it with me when we spoke the first

00:09:06.240 time you know she said i know what to do but i'm not doing it and she said that to me and i was like

00:09:11.440 wow that's great i stopped using that phrase because it's just so overused but it's like a powerful

00:09:16.720 it's a powerful realization where you have like the conceptual tools and knowledge to make changes in

00:09:22.800 your life but then you don't do it and there's that gap between the two and that's that's where

00:09:29.520 that's where they find themselves like conceptually they know how to transform their life but they're

00:09:33.920 not doing it there's something in their blind spot that they're not present to and that's where getting

00:09:37.920 support is important for them and then there's that urgency factor that they're willing to invest

00:09:42.640 money in themselves because they know they know they know to some degree time is short

00:09:48.000 absolutely absolutely that the the time is like ticking when you're on like the second half of life

00:09:55.600 and and now with just all the various health challenges and whatnot it's it's almost like

00:10:00.880 life feels more unpredictable um on the on the health side and so i think it's interesting how you have clients

00:10:08.720 that are in that um half in their life that you think well they should be wrapping up like i'm like

00:10:16.800 well you know 65 shouldn't you be retiring and thinking about you know how you want to spend your days

00:10:23.760 in a lazily way like reading and golfing and and now being able to like have all that time for you

00:10:30.800 instead of thinking of all the things that she has yet to achieve like isn't it i almost feel like

00:10:37.360 when you said she's not holding herself to highest standard i'm just like at that point i don't know

00:10:42.560 if i want to be holding myself to like a really high standard that i've been i feel like i've been

00:10:48.320 holding myself to a high standard my entire life and at that point when the standard maybe could be

00:10:55.760 um loosened a little bit because you're more secure in who you are you've accomplished so many things

00:11:04.160 and who gives a shit yeah and how the standard that oftentimes we've adopted from external um you know 0.66

00:11:14.880 criteria it's not even like a necessarily like to say it's an internal one but the things that we hold 0.97

00:11:21.280 ourselves accountable to are often ones that we've adopted from from the external right that

00:11:27.040 oh you know you need this much money and you need this you know this type of house and you need two

00:11:31.760 cars in the driveway and you need these clothes and you need like it's like all that standard is all

00:11:37.200 from the outside rather than maybe ones that um we believe are true for ourselves and so um why is it

00:11:45.520 that is it because we're living longer that we have people that are are older but are still trying to

00:11:54.560 achieve particular things in their life you know i was saying we got to get gary brecca here to talk

00:12:01.040 about the longevity aspect because i was in the health industry for a long time i'm not anymore but

00:12:05.920 so there's probably something to that you know when i say standards i get what you're saying about you

00:12:12.000 know the external standards but i want to clarify there my clients are holding themselves to an

00:12:18.000 internal standard it's it's internal they're they're typically not always though not always but they're

00:12:23.520 typically secure in who they are and i should say maybe 50 50 so there's some inner work that needs to

00:12:29.920 be done around accepting who they are and owning who they are but the stamp the standard like at least in

00:12:35.440 the case with the woman i just brought on last week that's in her 70s she's got a standard for 1.00

00:12:41.440 keeping her word to herself you know for for taking care of her health in a specific way for eating in 1.00

00:12:48.080 a certain way things of that nature those are the standards where she's you know saying i'm not living

00:12:57.600 in accordance with my own standards it's like my own standards and my own values for how i want to live

00:13:03.280 my life i think there's probably a lot of people to your point that maybe they are wrapping up in their

00:13:09.680 70s or but come on i mean i think wrapping up is in large part conditioning because i know guys and

00:13:20.160 i'm not women's was probably women but i know guys that have retired already from the military guys that

00:13:25.120 i was in with that you know if you go in the military right out of high school you're set to retire at 39

00:13:32.560 years old which is insane uh but if you take a look at at certain professions like the police department

00:13:42.480 when those guys retire statistically their life ends not that long after retirement because they

00:13:50.960 run out of purpose they're not doing anything so i think this whole idea around wrapping up and i don't

00:13:57.120 know there's probably something to like from a spiritual perspective of like it's time to wrap

00:14:03.120 it up i'm ready to go i do hear that from um you know i had a client whose mom just passed away over

00:14:10.400 the weekend i have another client whose mom passed away recently and i have another client her mom is

00:14:15.200 like is not doing well right now and and so i i hear and i have a few clients who worked in hospice and

00:14:21.440 i've interviewed hospice workers so one of the things that i've heard from people as they're dying

00:14:27.200 if you will is like internally they're they're ready to go they're they are wrapping up at that point

00:14:32.960 i think there's a spiritual time in life where we do start to wrap it up but i also think the idea

00:14:39.840 of like even being i don't know you know 70 and still full of life it's not time to wrap it up

00:14:47.760 yeah i i don't know i think that's largely conditioning from my perspective yeah yeah i

00:14:53.120 like that and because i don't resonate with that i have so much that i want to do and accomplish like

00:15:00.400 it's like my you are so ambitious sorry to interrupt you but you are one of the most ambitious women i

00:15:06.640 know it's inspiring thank you thank you but it's a lot it's a lot but my father who's 78 still works

00:15:14.800 every single day and he he's his life is going to end one day where he just when he gets up maybe

00:15:21.840 he'll have you know he'll have a heart attack and he'll just collapse and he didn't go to work that

00:15:25.680 day and that's how people are are going to know that like something happened because my father is

00:15:31.040 he is a he's a workaholic but in his mind he has all these things that he wants to do and accomplish

00:15:37.680 even though he's 78 and me i have i'm the same thing i have so many things that i want to do and

00:15:44.000 accomplish that on a soul level i think that we have all of these things pre-programmed before we

00:15:51.680 come right it's like okay you're going to do this and this and this and these are all the things that

00:15:55.440 you're going to learn and these are you know how you're going to evolve through that process how you're

00:16:00.720 going to grow and so on the inside i have so much enthusiasm and and joy for all the things that i

00:16:09.440 have yet to achieve that there's there's no way that i would be you know in that group around 65 saying

00:16:17.360 okay now you know it's all done and and i'm just going to put my feet up and and then do nothing

00:16:22.400 because you're right statistically oftentimes when people have worked like even up to 65 or 70 and then

00:16:29.760 all of a sudden retire to do nothing that they their life does end very shortly after which is

00:16:35.920 so tragic because we say things like you know i'll once i retire then i'll be able to use this money

00:16:43.600 that i have in the bank that i've accumulated to be able to go and travel and see the world and all

00:16:48.960 these other things but then yet because we haven't achieved that balance in our life as you said you

00:16:56.160 have clients where particular areas in their life are suffering like their health and now all of a

00:17:02.000 sudden they're not able to take those trips and and vacations the way they had hoped that they could

00:17:07.200 or they can't do you know some of their hobbies like golfing for example that um you know they they may

00:17:14.080 have enjoyed but didn't make time for and now all of a sudden you know their back is no good or their

00:17:18.800 knees are no good because of you know the different strain that they they may have endured because of their

00:17:25.200 their work and whatnot so um i totally understand where you're coming from there and i think that

00:17:31.360 this is this is an important message for people also to hear that as you said the conditioning part

00:17:38.400 that we don't have to necessarily think that that's what we need to do so i think your clients and the

00:17:43.200 people that you are working with give us hope that we can continue to aspire and have goals for

00:17:49.200 ourselves even as we age which i think is really nice um and so if would you say that the people that

00:17:57.280 you work with are happy i would say so yeah yeah but after they work with you are they come to you

00:18:07.760 already feeling quite happy yeah there's usually a discontent you know

00:18:14.640 so maybe in that moment maybe not you know sometimes sometimes they come to me in a breakdown

00:18:23.120 you know like a total breakdown like the infidelity and a client that had an infidelity it's a really

00:18:28.320 weird way it happened and what it's not the traditional way that you think of infidelity uh you

00:18:34.400 know thank you 23 and me i'll just kind of plant that seed to also keep privacy for her but 0.98

00:18:41.040 she was happy and then this this news comes that her you know her life partner you know wasn't honest

00:18:53.200 and suddenly you know her world was rocked upside you know upside down almost you know like a snow

00:18:58.160 globe getting flipped she wasn't happy at that point um i've had clients that during i had several i

00:19:07.920 think i had three clients that came to me during the pandemic that they were living great lives

00:19:15.600 they worked in the hospital system one and one was an executive for a corporation in canada

00:19:21.520 and they were they got those vaccine mandates and the and these three clients two of them were 20 years

00:19:28.960 in their career one was 40 years in her career and they got you know mandated take a vaccine and they

00:19:40.480 and they said no it was like i can't i can't do that it's not a line for me their world got turned upside

00:19:47.360 down as well because they lost their jobs they lost their careers and so then they weren't happy right

00:19:53.200 they entered a state you know where they suddenly weren't happy um i could say there's another avatar

00:20:00.320 of client that that i have and i see this quite often as well where they get married you know maybe

00:20:10.000 mid-20s early 30s and slowly in their marriage they start to disconnect from their significant other

00:20:19.200 from their spouse they the two of them get disconnected something's off and then that if if they don't

00:20:25.760 address it this is like a 20-year mark that's tends to be when they come to me they're not happy and and

00:20:33.600 it's been quite a long time and and even things are working if you looked at their life the career is

00:20:40.480 working they have beautiful awesome children they're typically healthy but there's this massive

00:20:47.680 disconnect in their marriage and like that is so big that they're not happy and which kind of comes

00:20:53.360 back to what you said earlier that maybe on the surface things look great the neighbors probably

00:20:58.640 see them and think like things are great but internally that disconnect from their

00:21:04.880 person that they said i do you know is is so big that they're no that they're no longer happy

00:21:11.040 mm-hmm and so when i when i listen to you talk about these individuals i think oh my goodness so

00:21:18.720 you know what is it what is it that comes up what is it inside of the relationships or inside the

00:21:25.120 individual that these either these situations tend to bring up other emotions or maybe you know past

00:21:35.280 trauma all of a sudden gets triggered because these situations have all of a sudden come up and so

00:21:41.840 how do you how do you dive into that to say yeah i'm sure many people listening are saying yeah that's

00:21:48.000 me check yeah that's me check both on the like on the positive side and maybe on the negative side too

00:21:54.480 that they're also living in relationships that we know during uh covet and the pandemic many more

00:22:00.800 relationships were strained not only because of you know work mandates but also just because

00:22:06.560 you know you're now stuck at home with your kids and and your partner who you're not usually um forced

00:22:13.440 to stay around and stick around with as much as as many people did and so a lot of relationships were

00:22:19.920 um were taxed during that time too and so how do you figure out what the underlying uh issue or cause

00:22:29.040 might be do you find that it that it could be trauma or what what do you what do you tend to see

00:22:37.120 yeah i do i'm not going to call myself a trauma expert but my training did include like there was a

00:22:43.040 lot of trauma that got surfaced again i don't want to say i'm a trauma expert but i do find in some

00:22:50.240 cases that there was trauma you know that something happened or something happened there was maybe some

00:22:54.880 event that happened at some point in their life that has uh they haven't addressed they buried it and

00:23:02.400 not realizing the consequence of burying something that needs attention and then the emotions that are

00:23:09.360 attached to that and thinking that um you know i don't want to blame them for not handling their

00:23:16.160 emotions i think there's some aspect of our culture and society that doesn't train us or teach us how to

00:23:21.920 help in a healthy way express our emotions so a lot of people men and women suppress and just just move

00:23:30.960 on let's just go and that you know that causes something later there's a consequence to that later

00:23:38.240 so i i can share you know the one example that comes up to me that i'm thinking about of a client

00:23:43.520 a young woman ambitious free wild you know partier traveler hiker like i'm gonna do it my way uh got he

00:23:56.400 found a boyfriend they lived here in colorado i'm in colorado at the time of this and then got married

00:24:04.080 and her husband said to her one day i'm moving to arizona and you can come with me or not it was like

00:24:13.040 that type of energy at the first couple years in their marriage and that did something for her where

00:24:22.560 she kind of gave her power away she she felt she went from strong ambitious leader to weak she gave her 0.94

00:24:30.640 power away and said oh you know she got very fearful and what the hell and didn't have like an adult

00:24:38.080 conversation about it and just went she just went with him and that act of giving her power away 0.95

00:24:48.720 i'm i want to say to her husband but really to herself because it wasn't she wasn't being true to

00:24:54.240 herself in making that move she didn't want to leave colorado in doing that she took a position

00:25:01.360 of powerless and that created a disconnect like the very beginning of it that grew and grew and grew

00:25:11.520 and grew uh and when i met her it was 18 years that they had been married and they were completely

00:25:17.600 completely completely disconnected and as we're doing this work you know i'm like i'm noticing that

00:25:23.520 a trend of where she would give her power away to her husband like current day and so i did want to 0.99

00:25:31.440 know where did this come from when did this start and we figured it out we figured like the moment she

00:25:36.080 left that made that decision to leave colorado she sold out on herself gave her power away made up a story

00:25:45.520 in her mind that whatever she made up i'm not powerful enough i don't have a decision in this or whatever

00:25:50.320 whatever whatever fears were attached to that i'm gonna be alone i don't know yeah so we had to go

00:25:56.560 back and then there were a sequence of events that happened along the way that that were that played out

00:26:05.520 in her mind that she didn't have power and that was something that was showing up throughout you know

00:26:12.160 throughout her life so we so we did have to spend some time going back and like figuring out i call it the

00:26:17.120 responsible version but let's find the responsible version where you where you actually did have

00:26:21.840 agency where you actually were at choice when you think you weren't and in determining that it's not

00:26:27.280 easy to do it's not sexy it doesn't feel good but when you can like be honest and say wow i gave my power

00:26:32.960 away i was fearful and i chose to go and i didn't want to go you actually get your power back by doing

00:26:38.560 that so we did that with that decision in her life and a number of decisions and then like with time

00:26:43.600 she you know she was able to step back in and like kind of refine her voice claim her voice claim her 1.00

00:26:48.720 power yeah that's a great story and so now if we if we transition to the solutions right so as you know

00:26:57.520 you mentioned early that you have is it a 12 month a 12 month group coaching program that you take people

00:27:03.520 through yeah and what are some of them so if we think about you know now that we've discussed some of

00:27:09.840 the clients that you work with some of the issues that people tend to come to you with maybe um you

00:27:17.680 could explain what the 12 month program how you've outlined it and why you feel like it's it's all

00:27:26.320 encompassing to be able to address the issues of the clients that come to you and then maybe if you could

00:27:33.520 share what some of those um tools might include in the program that could maybe address some of the

00:27:40.000 issues that we've talked about on the show today sure yeah i won't give like the full outline because

00:27:45.120 some of it just some of the words i use won't make sense and they're not sexy like the word honesty is

00:27:49.840 one of the modules that we do and everybody thinks they're honest we all do but i have a definition of

00:27:54.560 honesty that uh when you hear the definition it makes you stop and think like huh i am honest i'm an

00:28:00.720 honest person i think i'm an honest person but honesty to me goes is more about alignment with

00:28:08.880 um thoughts words actions values vision interpretations etc so i'm just giving the

00:28:17.200 honesty as one example that in order to land the message of the entire outline i wouldn't be able to

00:28:22.240 land it for for each component of the work that we do but i will say it's it's vision based

00:28:28.880 uh what i find with with my clients is they typically don't have a clear enough vision for the life that

00:28:36.480 they want to live big picture for their entire life and then and then mission wise like let's say what

00:28:43.040 what part what aspect of that vision are you bringing to life in this year so for we we always start there

00:28:51.760 with vision and i help them map out a very clear powerful vision from from my perspective the biggest

00:29:00.000 vision is a vision that is not going to be created in this lifetime like that's a vision to me you know

00:29:07.520 like i want to shift culture i want to shift the way that that we treat each other or behave or show up

00:29:13.920 that we show up with purpose and we're not showing up waiting for retirement like that would be a cultural

00:29:18.320 shift that i that i'd like to create to me i'm not going to create that in my lifetime that's a vision

00:29:24.880 so i i help them we start there by creating a clear vision i do help them create a vision statement for

00:29:30.160 themselves to live you know that they can revert back to and tune in with oh yeah here's my vision

00:29:36.480 oh yeah this is what i'm up to today because let's be honest we don't always get out of bed in the morning

00:29:41.360 right connected to that vision so i help them do that and then we do set tangible goals for the

00:29:47.600 end of the year and then we get to work i have a whole process a series of 12 plus modules that we

00:29:55.120 go through and we do deep work to get into the inner wiring of you know where they're living from and

00:30:03.920 how they're operating and then tweaking that wiring so that it fits with the vision and the person that

00:30:11.520 they that they want to become and so um could you give us because i know you and i i we've been on

00:30:20.240 i've been on some of your events and and you've talked about some of the the different lessons that

00:30:25.760 have come up you know as i was sharing different things on on some of your events and um i remember

00:30:32.240 that there was something there was a powerful lesson one day that you shared about when you get people to

00:30:39.520 put their phones away for i don't know if it's a day or a week i can't remember but you were saying

00:30:47.600 about how you know people are so they're so glued to that and they're not present in their life and so

00:30:53.760 i don't know if that's like one of the modules that that are that's part of this program but um if you

00:30:59.440 want to maybe speak to like how important it is for us to be present in our in in our lives instead of

00:31:06.480 being so outward focused and being pulled away from from being present to ourselves and and how we're

00:31:15.520 feeling being very mindful in every moment um and so i don't know if you could just talk to that a

00:31:22.080 little bit i don't know if it's still part of it but i just thought that that was a really uh powerful

00:31:26.400 message that time yeah it is it is about thank you it is a powerful way of being presence is a powerful way of

00:31:33.440 being um it is still part of my program and i'll kind of layer in a few different ways of being

00:31:42.800 typically for with presence uh one thing i find with with i'll own it for myself and with my clients

00:31:52.960 when they're going through some big transition in their life with big or small whether it's conflict

00:32:00.320 whether whether they're changing careers whether there's something going on with their mother-in-law

00:32:05.280 and they're not getting along what do we typically do we resist we resist resistance so this is a this

00:32:14.480 is something i coach into we spend a significant amount of time coaching into resistance and if you're

00:32:20.320 not present or if you're resisting you're not present right so one of the things that's absolutely

00:32:27.360 going to block your happiness so resisting what resisting what's happening politically culturally

00:32:35.120 what's what resisting you know that's the broader scale resisting what's happening maybe

00:32:41.360 however you would interpret this because i the way i interpreted that the few patrick bett david coined

00:32:46.960 this term but i agree with it the future looks bright i think the future looks bright but depending on

00:32:53.360 what's happening in your life and who you're listening to or what you're listening to you may think

00:32:57.840 economically it doesn't which means you're resisting there's a resistance to what's happening or perhaps

00:33:05.280 the way your husband or your wife shows up or treats you may you you may resist i don't like the way that

00:33:13.280 he does that i don't like the way that she does that blah blah blah resistance is extremely deep extremely 0.73

00:33:22.560 common and is a very very great blueprint for living in your own health if you if and when

00:33:30.160 you resist so this is a big this is a big component we do a lot of work around resistance and it comes up

00:33:35.760 in like the most sneaky sneaky ways so i want to layer that in with resistance or excuse me with presence

00:33:45.680 i want to also layer in most most people maybe would call it agency i call it responsibility

00:33:52.000 some people call it radical ownership radical responsibility or extreme ownership

00:33:58.720 however you want to phrase that there's a gentleman named uh werner earnhardt who coined

00:34:05.120 four levels of responsibility the highest level being and teresa there's absolutely no way i can land this

00:34:11.840 on this call but i'm going to say it let your users play with this however they want it's a very powerful

00:34:16.640 position i'm not saying this as a truth i'm saying it as a position i'm responsible for everything

00:34:24.560 man if i can if i can get that into my bones that i'm responsible for everything

00:34:30.320 i cannot be a victim to any circumstance any outcome any person gives me total agency to look at

00:34:38.160 whatever is happening in my life with others whether it's internal external whatever and

00:34:45.520 come back to a question of okay now what what am i going to do about this and get out of resistance

00:34:51.760 into like back into some kind of movement i want to put those two so that's resistance uh responsibility

00:34:59.680 and then presence uh culturally and where we're at technologically i know you're very advanced with

00:35:07.840 technology and you know probably better than anyone but these algorithms you know it's like there's this

00:35:14.160 competition for our attention we've almost if we're not careful we're going to completely give ownership

00:35:21.600 to our attention away right because the app is going off all the time the notification the 15 20 30 second

00:35:30.240 video we're swiping and scrolling and training ourselves to not be present so there there's already

00:35:37.600 a scary thing i think that's happening there with that when something's happening in your life whether

00:35:45.280 it's traumatic or whether it's challenging you're changing a career or husband wife

00:35:53.840 is acting in a certain way or your your relationships going in a way that's not aligned with

00:36:00.000 how you want it to be it's if you don't have the tools it's very very very easy even if you have the

00:36:06.880 tools it's very easy to check out not deal with it and do something else and then that something else

00:36:16.800 is what an infinite number of things it could be jumping on the phone scroll scroll scroll and now

00:36:22.800 i'm disconnected from what i really need what's really happening in here or could be food let me overeat

00:36:31.600 stuff these emotions with food or substances or alcohol or whatever it may be

00:36:39.040 and the what i what i notice from clients and myself the farther that like discontent gets

00:36:46.800 then the easier it is that you want to go disconnect and stay you know unplugged and just

00:36:54.880 letting the things go that really need your attention so to kind of give that backstory that's

00:37:01.440 how we get to the the presence exercise that you brought up that i do with my clients and it comes

00:37:07.200 at you know it comes at a point in the course we've been together for like six months we've done a ton of

00:37:12.400 deep work at this point and then i bring this exercise out and i do ask them it's essentially a

00:37:18.400 a um presence exercise for several weeks where there's no multitasking at all nowhere nowhere in

00:37:27.520 your life and i i encourage anyone to try this meaning when you brush your teeth you're in the mirror

00:37:36.880 with yourself brushing your teeth you're not walking around the house closing the blinds doing what you

00:37:42.720 put in the laundry just you your beautiful self your beautiful teeth and just brush your teeth when you

00:37:51.520 drive just you the car and the road nothing else no music no podcast nothing just in the moment

00:38:02.240 when you eat just you and your food you know eating is one of the most intimate things that we do

00:38:09.760 right it sounds funny but you're taking a substance and you're putting it into an orifice

00:38:15.680 a hole that leads into your body like what more right sex and food eating like they're on the same

00:38:23.200 level in terms of intimacy it's intimate you know yet you see people i've done this myself when i 0.89

00:38:30.000 ran my fitness company in san diego i used to eat food in my car driving down the freaking freeway eating

00:38:35.920 i still see it all the time people stuff in their face while they're eating like all of that creates

00:38:42.320 disconnect in your life it takes you it takes you out of your game it gets you out of your heart it

00:38:48.240 gets you out of your lane you're reactive you're stressed you're doing all these things

00:38:53.600 you you drive to work you don't even remember the drive the whole day goes by you don't know the

00:38:58.560 day because you've been just all we're all over the place and then you leave work and it's just like

00:39:03.200 all non-stop so i take them through a cleanse of multitasking it's a multitasking cleanse i've never

00:39:10.960 used that language before but that's what it is and uh no working out with music no podcast while you

00:39:19.120 just be with your flipping weights your body and experience it um it's an awesome exercise i do it with

00:39:27.200 them every time because i catch myself going back and getting on my phone it's like such a slippery slope

00:39:32.560 you know that for me anyway uh they tend to have a really difficult time with it the first week

00:39:38.800 a lot of resistance comes up tends they tend to get emotional about it in some way sometimes they

00:39:45.760 get angry you know what the you know sorry for testing it that's not cool but what the hell you 0.91

00:39:50.880 know i can't there's no way i could possibly remember it's like i know not in not in the context

00:39:57.600 and the framework that you've created for your life you're right you don't have it figured out

00:40:02.960 to where you can just brush your teeth means which means you're not free

00:40:08.880 the multitask while you eat you're not free you're not free no and it's hard for them so they have a

00:40:16.000 difficult time and after about a week we come back and talk about it most of the time they didn't go all

00:40:22.480 the way with it the first week so we do it again second week is there's a lot more smooth typically

00:40:30.080 and then we see where they're at sometimes they're itching to get to get off of this stretch

00:40:35.760 and if and if if i don't think that they really got it yet we keep it going we'll go a third week

00:40:41.520 and just depends on where they're at but what what happens is they figure it out you know they start

00:40:46.640 they let the resistance go you know they're able to get in the mirror brush their teeth like

00:40:51.200 i do an exercise when i brush my teeth like i actually connect it's a connecting into like

00:40:56.800 the energy the spirit behind me it's a great way to get reconnected to who i am when i do that when

00:41:01.760 i brush my teeth or anytime i'm in a mirror they start doing that they connect with themselves or

00:41:06.880 they start sitting at dinner and just being present and the stress starts to go down they start to see

00:41:11.920 their kids differently their kids start to actually act differently because not be they didn't even say

00:41:17.360 anything differently to their kids they just they're different their presence their energy it's

00:41:21.840 open expanded powerful people around them start acting differently as well it's a powerful ripple

00:41:27.360 effect that happens in their life so yeah that's the thing that you brought up yeah no oh my goodness

00:41:33.840 there were so many points that you included in in answering that question um and so i think

00:41:42.160 the the part that came through for me the loudest was becoming so consciously aware of the life we're

00:41:53.600 living in every moment that we are we are creating the life that we are living with every single choice

00:42:02.800 that we make and that the life that we'll look back at one day is made up of those small choices that we

00:42:10.560 made every single day but if we are so awake to ourselves and the life that we're creating in

00:42:19.360 every moment we can create the life of our dreams because with every single choice we pause we reflect

00:42:28.080 and we think consciously about our next action or how we're feeling in that moment and then correcting

00:42:36.800 slightly with that next choice so when i wake up in the morning number one i'm grateful for like

00:42:43.520 every morning that i wake up because i have another day to live but then i go through all of the different

00:42:50.240 and oftentimes my morning is made up of all a whole bunch of small joys and one of those joys for me is

00:42:57.680 waking up and having my coffee that i'll go into the pantry and i'll start my coffee and i go to sleep

00:43:04.640 so excited to have my coffee the next day and then i make it and i sip it that first step and i was

00:43:12.240 like oh it tastes so good this is so good and then it's like i've started my my day off on that foot and

00:43:19.040 then i think about okay what is the next thing that's going to make me feel happy what outfit today is

00:43:24.560 going to make me feel good about myself you know whether you know how do i need to style my hair and

00:43:29.440 it's every single choice we make we are technically choosing our joy because we usually have maybe

00:43:38.240 maybe just two choices to make that if you're feeling hungry you're going to choose you know am

00:43:43.840 i going to have eggs or i'm going to have oatmeal today and we're going to choose what we think is going

00:43:48.720 to make us feel a little happier in that choice when we go to a restaurant we're going to make so

00:44:02.160 we are creating the life of our dreams but when people are zoned out and multitasking and

00:44:10.160 using substances or or participating in activities that actually make them live life on autopilot as if

00:44:19.520 they're not there then you're looking back at your life and saying just as like how we look back on

00:44:26.640 friday and say where did the week go it's because we're not present we're not present enough

00:44:32.480 and to understand that when you said responsibility is us responsible for our life that we are literally

00:44:43.680 creating our life in every moment that when you hear if you're watching the news and you don't like

00:44:49.040 how it's making you feel you don't have to sit there and continue to listen to it you can turn it off

00:44:55.760 where you're in the presence of people who you know they're talking about things that are making

00:45:01.280 you feel like angry and upset you know politics or religion or all the different issues that that

00:45:08.480 you know often divide many of us that we have a choice to say you know what i really need to go

00:45:13.920 sorry i have an appointment sorry i have a call that i have to make that you don't have to continue

00:45:18.960 to be in the presence of individuals or be in spaces that are making you feel uncomfortable but

00:45:24.720 we have to be so present and so that exercise what i loved about it is that you know we've been

00:45:31.680 conditioned to believe that multitasking is the right is the right thing and i remember when they

00:45:36.400 introduced this idea of doing 10 things at once and that you know now you should kids are they could

00:45:43.840 be on an ipad it's it's very interesting and they have a view where they're technically watching two

00:45:51.440 things at once but the two things that they're watching are contrasting um like videos that one

00:45:59.760 is you know like an arts and craft and the other one is is totally something contrary to that and

00:46:06.480 and there they are trying to like just vote never mind just watching a video now watching a video that

00:46:12.560 has two different contrasting activities on it and that's taking their attention and maybe it's taking

00:46:19.040 their attention away from like their homework and their chores or or other things that they should

00:46:23.920 be doing because they're now so self-absorbed in that but there are so many things that are pulling

00:46:30.640 that's pulling us away our attention all the time and so i think as you said people struggle with

00:46:39.360 having to scale all of that back because for years we've been trying to do more than one thing at

00:46:45.440 once to be efficient and i think what's interesting is that ai is actually doing that to us to an

00:46:54.240 even greater degree because technically we have been trying to create machines from let's say the

00:47:01.440 beginning of time that have that are aimed to make our life easier and more efficient right washing

00:47:08.160 machines dishwashers um you know computers all the different things and now ai is technically making

00:47:18.240 our tasks even quicker because now it can help us to write emails it can help us to do things that

00:47:24.080 might have taken us longer to do before but what do we do with that free time and and i was having a

00:47:31.360 discussion with the creator of some ai software that i use for research and he said that you think that

00:47:38.720 as we continue to create machines that are supposed to make our lives easier and to give us more free

00:47:44.960 time like self-driving cars right that oh if the if now you're not driving you can sit in the back and

00:47:50.800 have a nap that you need no we'd be sitting in the back with our phones like when i'm in an uber and i'm

00:47:56.240 like oh great now i have time to like answer these all these emails because you know i'm not at my desk

00:48:01.760 but i can do them here in the car so we don't actually become more present when we have more

00:48:08.400 time we actually fill in all of that extra time with more things to do how do we accomplish more how

00:48:15.600 do we how do we do more instead of being super super present and i think that if we're awake to what

00:48:23.040 you said that we are literally creating the life that we're living with every single choice that

00:48:30.720 we make every single moment we'll understand the truth in that statement that we are responsible

00:48:37.520 for the life that we're living because we are choosing moment by moment what what if you do it

00:48:44.720 consciously what is giving you that little bit of joy with every single choice man you said some

00:48:52.400 great things there can i can i add a little bit to that just just quickly okay go ahead okay yeah i

00:49:00.720 think um i think the context that we're living in is is a lot of it because you're right like to your

00:49:08.400 point we have big conditioned there's the people people um debate with each other about who's busier

00:49:17.520 it's very it's fascinating to watch someone say i'm busy and then someone else oh i'm busy too oh

00:49:22.880 man and there's like this ego battle about who's busier and it's like that's a context that you're

00:49:29.120 living in for your life so yeah when you take the ai tool and you freed up your time from that context

00:49:35.360 you're going to add because you think it's you think the mission is to be busy and i don't i don't want

00:49:44.080 to be busy people tell me people tell me like i know you're busy and i'm like no i'm not stop putting

00:49:49.360 that on me i'm not busy i'm productive and like for me i'm gonna do more when i'm operating from the from

00:49:57.920 the vision like the bit the vision when my vision dictates the way that i show up like the actions i

00:50:03.440 take and who i'm being i'm okay with doing more i'm okay with working nights or i'm okay with working

00:50:10.400 the weekend but not from a place of busyness from a from a place of vision i'm so excited about what

00:50:17.840 i'm bringing to life that i'm gonna work or be productive to bring this to life but not for the

00:50:24.480 sake of being busy and it's like just two completely different contexts to live from both of which can

00:50:29.840 still you can still have a full plate yes absolutely now sean i would love for you to

00:50:36.560 share a little bit more about how people can get in touch with you after the show

00:50:41.600 yes perfect uh i i do things a little untraditional i built my business in a way

00:50:47.600 not a normal way that people build so i am not very active on social media you can find me on

00:50:52.400 instagram or facebook but i i post mostly about my personal life in in those ways just mostly on my

00:50:58.640 stories probably the best way to get in touch with me i gave your team a link

00:51:02.160 um as a as a as a gift for people who are watching i did a uh training called manifest anything and

00:51:13.040 it's really four steps to manifest anything that you want so if your listeners want to learn more

00:51:19.840 about me or connect with me just click that link and get that free training uh by doing that you'll

00:51:24.960 get instant access to the to the training it's a 90 minute training that i did they can watch on demand

00:51:30.880 and then they get access to the writing that i do i write something around this context that

00:51:35.200 we're talking about leadership vision purpose fulfillment uh that kind of thing i write every

00:51:41.920 single day it's something that opened up when i found a spiritual practice in peru back in 2007 and

00:51:47.120 this like this download hasn't stopped so i share every day um to help people transform their life if

00:51:53.840 they just follow what i say in the emails though i've had people tell me that they found their gone from

00:51:58.960 single to finding their dream partner to getting married uh just from reading what i share with so

00:52:04.640 so tune in with me that way um that would be the best way yeah do you have a website nope i don't oh

00:52:12.320 okay okay yes i have probably i have probably 200 landing pages from different events and

00:52:22.640 that i do but i haven't built a website yet i've just gone to i've gone a completely different route

00:52:28.480 in building this business my previous business i went that website social media this time i said you

00:52:34.240 know what the thing that works the best for me is building an email list and i built so i built an email list

00:52:40.000 and i talked to my email list all the time and then i've run different events and things like that so

00:52:44.560 that's the best way to find me yeah yeah well click on the link everybody sean thank you so much for

00:52:50.320 being on the show today teresa it's my freaking pleasure grateful to spend time with you anytime

00:52:56.080 that we can do it so thank you so much for having me much appreciated

True Patriot Love - January 19, 2026

Why High Achievers Still Feel Unfulfilled

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