True Patriot Love - Why Would a Good Golfer Fake a Hole-in-One？ ft. Sim

00:00:00.000 I would rather push the Pope into the mud and kick him than lie about a hole-in-one but that's 0.94

00:00:09.640 exactly what Zach Holland of Missouri did recently he actually took his golf ball and 0.92

00:00:14.880 placed it in the cup and pretended to have a hole-in-one that is the most heinous golf

00:00:20.200 crime I can think of and as someone who's golf for years and never had a hole-in-one but been

00:00:25.340 close i am so upset by this to walk me through my anger as always thrilled to be joined by sim

00:00:31.740 from horizonswithin.ca sim how are you i'm good jim how are you it's been a while well it's been

00:00:37.100 a while i i'm so upset by this and i know the golf course uh stripped him of his privileges um

00:00:43.340 because of what he did now this he this guy golfed in college was a two handicap and lied about a

00:00:49.580 hole in one you have a a one in twelve thousand chance of a hole in one even the pro golfers

00:00:56.220 at three thousand to one odds you'll get a hole in one that's for the professionals i'm so upset

00:01:01.500 that someone would lie about this this is a severe breach of golf honor i i agree with you

00:01:07.580 you know when you were kind of at the intro you were talking about it what came to mind is in

00:01:11.820 japan if you get a hole in one you have to treat the club so they actually take out insurance

00:01:19.340 for calling once so this would have never happened in japan well no in north america

00:01:24.780 the rule is if i have a hole in one i have to buy a round for everybody in the clubhouse yeah

00:01:29.900 so maybe he should have done that first and then he would have said i'm sorry i was lying about

00:01:34.780 but what okay my question why he obviously if he's a two handicap he's a good golfer

00:01:40.300 why lie about that it's a very good question to ask because um you know if i like take a minute

00:01:47.180 and i i put on his hat right like and i'm like okay it's the night before because i think it

00:01:51.260 was a uh a membership tournament yes it was yeah so if say for example it is the membership tournament

00:01:57.500 and there is a um outcome that's favorable okay and for him there's a big value in having that

00:02:07.980 outcome right so you could be like okay you know it's the night before he's kind of like

00:02:12.380 he's got this anticipatory anxiety of tomorrow okay and because in golf you could have a great

00:02:21.020 game the day before and then the golf cards are not in your favor and absolutely right so you know

00:02:27.340 staying with that as you thought you kind of go okay he has this anticipatory anxiety

00:02:33.260 and he's like okay what do i do with this right so he's got this dread now that he doesn't know

00:02:38.220 know what to do with it so in order to manage that dread he kind of like concocts this ruse

00:02:45.900 of okay I'm going to go do this because I think from what I read is you know he got

00:02:50.680 up in the morning he created a fake divot dropped the ball in the hole and then when

00:02:56.460 they were on the third hole I think where he kind of like created a ruse of wanting to

00:03:00.740 talk to his grandmother separated from his group and then claimed that he couldn't find

00:03:06.900 his ball and then one of his friends kind of found it.

00:03:10.800 Sorry.

00:03:11.800 That makes it way worse.

00:03:13.220 Right.

00:03:14.220 To me, that makes it a hundred times worse than he actually planned this.

00:03:17.220 Right.

00:03:18.220 So, you know, when I'm looking at it through just from how he was kind of like breaking

00:03:23.660 it down in his mind, right?

00:03:25.640 So it's kind of like, you know, there's a story that he's building and because at the

00:03:29.360 end of the day, he's trying to figure out, okay, I don't have control for tomorrow.

00:03:34.020 Tomorrow's a big consequence to me.

00:03:36.680 then he creates this and what that does is minute you start trying to control it right it tunnels

00:03:44.020 your vision and when you tunnel your vision what happens is whatever logical answer got presented

00:03:51.300 to you becomes your reality and then you start unfolding that so you know if you keep following

00:03:57.680 his train of thought and we'll come to whether it's you know valid or not in a second just kind

00:04:02.540 like building up through his lens and you're sitting there going okay you know okay if i do

00:04:08.700 this what would i need to do this and he and because now he's tunneled his vision executive

00:04:16.140 reasoning is out the door so there is no recheck there is no revaluation and what is so there's

00:04:22.700 no little voice saying hey hey hey what was that don't do this well it'll kick it kicks in in a

00:04:28.940 second so what's happening right now is you know you're looking at it in the the the forming year

00:04:33.420 right like at the moment like so imagine he's you know it's six o'clock just had dinner whatever

00:04:38.060 and he's trying to you know relax himself because the next day is is the tournament it's a big day

00:04:43.900 not no longer qualifiers this is sunday golf right and he's looking at probably his paired

00:04:51.340 who's he paired with right i'm just adding compounding factors that

00:04:55.420 now once that vision is tunneled rationale is out the window and because rational is out the window

00:05:03.100 there is no corrective behaviorism so then what happens is now he's concocted this plan in his

00:05:08.380 mind wakes up the next morning logically he's executing it without any rationale it doesn't

00:05:13.520 justify it it's just that's how he's kind of auto functioning out and now in order to manage that

00:05:19.680 what you just brought up which is a very good point uh you know the voice on the shoulder

00:05:25.200 he starts compartmentalizing and now by compartmentalizing that what you're doing

00:05:30.480 is you're naturally numbing yourself from the consequence of it all right and that is where

00:05:38.800 he kind of like created that ruse of my grandmother's calling i couldn't find it and it kind of

00:05:45.040 like builds up on it now once it all played out there's this sense of okay now what remember that

00:05:53.680 didn't kick in the night before when he was actually planning this out now but there's a

00:05:59.600 and he i think he resigned well he had to right once there was like he was basically shamed

00:06:05.920 that he had to like no you can't like that's right that is such a a golf crime against humanity to

00:06:11.520 lie about that but it in its own way ended up being a relief for him because he no longer had

00:06:18.000 to live with it so i'll give you a very common example that you know is not only unique to

00:06:24.720 what happened on the course okay we go back in time i'm talking grade school right yeah

00:06:33.360 we had that one project where we had to present in front of the class right and you you you had

00:06:38.320 those students that the night before had this dread of presenting whatever show up in class

00:06:44.720 and you know all of a sudden they have a belly ache or the dog ate the homework or yeah there's

00:06:49.040 some anxiety take over so so in a way if you look at it just from that lens of a

00:06:59.040 physical response and a mental coping response it's very similar to that what makes it different

00:07:05.760 from you know a grade two individual versus a 34 year old is that ability to regulate and

00:07:14.800 differentiate so even though like you know you look at it from the top level those there are

00:07:20.720 two mechanisms that he struggled with one is distressed tolerance that is one of the reasons

00:07:30.400 why he had that anticipatory drift right and so because there is no tolerance to distress

00:07:38.400 in his mind i need to find a solution so for me to find a solution i have to create

00:07:45.520 a reality in which i have the most control and now the mind goes into the most imaginatory way

00:07:54.800 right like what if the dog did eat my homework what's not in my control that the dog ate my

00:07:59.360 home work the dog ate my home right and now all of a sudden that great two kid can go to sleep

00:08:05.440 night fast forward here he's like i did this because he's already known the course because

00:08:10.480 he was a member in that course absolutely yeah that means he knew he knows everything about

00:08:15.280 every clump of grass right so he kind of like knows okay which would be my best hole yeah to

00:08:20.720 pull it off yeah that would be the most away from in terms of where the tea box is even more sneaky

00:08:26.960 when you think about it but remember through that lens it's not a malicious intent it's more to help

00:08:34.720 solve the distress that he so i'm not i'm not validating his behavior what i'm saying is that

00:08:43.280 you really shake the tree i can understand where as a golfer and i'm an amateur golfer so the way i

00:08:51.600 i uh measure my handicap is how many golf balls i lose during a game so i have like a lot of us

00:09:00.640 yeah so you know if i could go through a pack of four you're doing well that's a great game

00:09:07.280 absolutely right and i only play my first mind's my best after that i'm just like i can't do it

00:09:13.120 you get tired it's a long is it four hours man i don't know i don't know how people do it but

00:09:18.880 golf you know but that swish sound like when you make the best connection it brings you back it's

00:09:24.080 just it or or that perfect putt like okay well okay so you're in a foursome and you're an amateur

00:09:30.240 you're a hacker like a lot of us but you hit a great shot and gets close to the pin everyone's

00:09:35.920 high-fiving you cheer you it's a great feeling right and they're all witnessing it they've seen

00:09:40.800 that you did it right but you know when you go back to his lens and distress tolerance challenges

00:09:47.040 now all of a sudden he's like I have to replicate this what if I don't what if I freeze right what

00:09:54.600 if what if what if what if what if well once that what if wheel spins his focus he can't

00:10:02.660 re-regulate himself back to a point where he's like okay at this moment and that's what

00:10:09.240 differentiates amateurs from pros right like they can they do they don't let the last shot

00:10:13.320 they can't but that's the tolerance yeah that's that's where you know if he had done a stroke

00:10:23.280 miscount I think the audience would have been a little bit more compassionate about it it happens

00:10:29.880 to even some of the best right I mean no but I'm saying he deliberately undercount that say he you

00:10:37.020 know he he needed a birdie right but he part puts a birdie right or he bogey but he put himself out

00:10:44.380 apart right that is a tolerance because you know we'd be like you know it happens but no it's not

00:10:51.100 right but it's way way way way less severe than lying about a hole in one right what he should

00:10:57.100 have said is he should have set himself for an eagle because if he had set himself for an eagle

00:11:02.700 probably he's on a par three so you either get a birdie or hole in one

00:11:07.180 right well you could have gotten an eagle right he could have just set it up just enough where

00:11:11.940 he would have had a straight line to put in well then that would have been a birdie because it's

00:11:16.160 a par three okay then that would have been a birdie yeah okay he could have gotten himself

00:11:19.980 you're right so he could have gotten himself a birdie instead of a hole in one and because

00:11:24.800 hole in one it's so sacred it's it's um it's coveted right it's the holy it's the holy grail

00:11:36.240 right between one and two percent of golfers a year yeah in north america get a hole in one if

00:11:44.140 you think about the millions of men and women who golf every year in north america the probability

00:11:50.240 is just so low to get a hole in one yeah so i think he i mean if so you know if he if he had

00:11:57.080 to go back in time and you know i've like playing therapist with him i wouldn't have encouraged him

00:12:00.760 to like to begin with right i'd be like all right let's like let's let's figure this out

00:12:07.200 you know you know uh maybe i should give him a call i'd be like hey uh horizonwithin.ca how you

00:12:13.660 doing there buddy uh no coming back to him right so like that's what it is so so to kind of like

00:12:18.840 go back to that right so assume that you know he's got a running mind and he's he's got this

00:12:23.820 distressed tolerance and he's like okay you know tomorrow I got I gotta I gotta finish in the top

00:12:29.220 lead whatever those x values are right and then and then he comes up with this ruse of like okay

00:12:33.580 I know the fourth hole I can get away with it I can get a hole in one everybody's gonna get

00:12:38.120 excited and take the focus away it will take my stress away I'll enjoy at that moment that moment

00:12:45.780 glory it's because it's it's in the mind yeah you can't measure it so yeah i got another question

00:12:52.900 for you when you're done so yeah yeah no no go right so i keep thinking that there's a real

00:12:57.860 segment of the population beyond this guy in golf overall that people get such a fear of failure

00:13:04.260 yeah a fear of that won't look good in their social media that they're going to great lengths

00:13:08.340 to do things in society and day-to-day life that you wouldn't think about 10 years ago

00:13:13.860 True. So the fear of inadequacy, I feel, is in every one of us.

00:13:20.980 It's human rights.

00:13:22.900 Right. But the ability to manage that, it becomes where the work is. And you brought a very good

00:13:33.220 point because now we live in a very imagid gratification, imagid validation. Our work

00:13:42.180 is mirrored back by you know how we are presented in social media right even to the point people

00:13:51.220 are using photoshop right to make their photos look better so they look even better when they're

00:13:56.180 presenting it did you scroll my website yeah yeah anyway uh maybe i should redo the edits

00:14:06.420 Yes. I'm not saying everyone falls into that bracket per se, but there is a greater

00:14:14.200 push towards this societal lens of measurement of success.

00:14:24.120 Yes.

00:14:25.120 And, you know, that's where it comes up with like, you know, you have the fear of

00:14:30.280 advocacy, you know, am I good enough? Will I do that? We see it in professional sports

00:14:34.760 more now because there are because it's many more channels where you can dissect information that

00:14:43.880 wasn't there 10 15 years ago oh it's it's right every podcast every blog site every

00:14:49.880 social media site can break down anything in any sport at any time right i mean so i can see why

00:14:56.520 it's more prevalent now in society where creating these stories become that much more because you

00:15:06.360 don't have that sense of absence right like um take like you know now we're getting into baseball

00:15:12.920 right like and like the jays to give what two games back as of today they're one game out of

00:15:18.680 the wild card right so now all of a sudden you're gonna have this awakening of every bandwagon fan

00:15:24.360 right and when jesus sanchez is dropping the ball in the outfield on trade on a wednesday night

00:15:29.320 people are like i can get rid of this guy right and and you know like so it's it's the same thing

00:15:34.200 like you know like all of a sudden there's this expectation of performance yeah there's this

00:15:40.120 expectation because you could you could immune yourself from as much news as you like but when

00:15:48.040 it is in a in its case inescapable right imagine him being out in the outfield right and you've

00:15:54.360 got you got some fans chirping him happens all the time right but now it's even more aggressive

00:16:00.120 because there's that sense of pressure but i guess no sport in all the sports are people the fans

00:16:10.120 more anal retentive about the rules than golf to the point that the biggest tournaments someone

00:16:16.360 watching it on tv will notice a rules violation and call into the pga the canadian pga the tv

00:16:23.720 station say wait a sec on the fourth hole steve grounded his club that's a two-stroke penalty

00:16:30.840 that happens all the time so i'm surprised for a guy that played college golf as a two handicap

00:16:35.800 obviously would knew the rules thought he could get away with it right and and that's that's why

00:16:40.920 i'm in like absolute agreement because when you you know you brought this up mike you know

00:16:45.240 i i feel like the level of um disappointment right it's being it's being presented as

00:16:52.760 enraging because of the golf it's not a purist game but there is a set of decorum very yeah right

00:17:03.480 they're royal and ancient the rule it's a very decorum style of game right and and there's a

00:17:08.600 sense of respect for that do you have the honors like don't step on your putting line you know right

00:17:13.480 shaking hands after the round all that um tipping the cart girl very important right um but for

00:17:23.400 those that haven't played they can see like the the lunacy of the reaction absolutely but for even

00:17:29.080 the most average amateur player um golf is a little bit more than just swinging at a ball

00:17:37.160 and there's a sense of respect to that so that's why you know if he had gone for that birdie i

00:17:41.800 think there would have been a sense like okay we all kind of like there would have been a

00:17:45.240 a humanistic response to it there would have been a more like an accommodating but then his but

00:17:50.680 a hole in one you you you've violated the most sacred thing that even the most amateur golfer

00:17:58.760 prides themselves in having because if you're the people you're playing with see you put it out you

00:18:04.840 oh you just put a birdie i just watched you yeah i verified that you put the birdie yeah because

00:18:09.880 there were nobody there to witness it yeah and you know you got to give them credit for the story

00:18:14.600 though you know like i mean certainly it's a cautionary tale for anybody else i'm thinking

00:18:20.120 about doing it because when they've seen the reaction and the backlash and the followed

00:18:24.920 and boneheads like me yelling about it there someone else thinking about it seems like

00:18:28.840 oh i i'm not doing that i would hope right but you know it's so i i absolutely agree with

00:18:38.120 that statement and sense that uh lie different right like fudge your numbers will tolerate it

00:18:46.520 don't don't do holding one like don't um i don't want to use the word desecrate because it's not

00:18:53.320 that extreme but it's pretty extreme well right what i'm trying to get at is that it's it's

00:19:02.920 something that is respected yeah in the sport yes right so when something is respected at that level

00:19:12.920 even like you could take uh McElroy right yeah I think he won masters this year yeah right so you

00:19:20.840 take McElroy right pinnacle absolutely okay take me who measures golf by a number of balls he loses

00:19:27.720 at the end of the game right so there's there's your your your margins hole in one is a noble

00:19:36.360 anything else you could say i eagled on that hole yeah yeah i have a trust on that i'll give you

00:19:42.520 that sam you can albatross on a five par i'll shake your hand yes on that lie but if you tell

00:19:48.360 me you birdie i mean you hole in one on a par three that's like i want to see proof of it right

00:19:54.840 that's what i'm saying yeah so in that regard every golfer out there that is somewhat uh responding

00:20:02.600 to this in in a very similar way uh has done uh right because of what it is in in there is

00:20:13.560 a prevailing sense i see sim and i don't know what your professional opinion is people feel

00:20:19.880 more comfortable cheating on this is not sports life this that i can get away with it i'll just

00:20:27.640 do this they're it seems people are more comfortable trying it doing it attempting it

00:20:34.280 being a part of it than ever before for whatever reason because okay so it's it's there's more

00:20:40.760 stressors right so if you're not if so in in our profession there's a um a book that or it's called

00:20:53.000 dsm-5 so it's diagnostic statistical manual the fifth version and this is where like your

00:20:59.320 psychologists psychiatrists mental health experts refer to to look for chronic or acute challenges

00:21:08.760 to be able to then better determine what it is that they're feeling facing with so you know coming

00:21:15.240 back to him or or a general um so you know we could look at it through lens right we could look

00:21:22.680 at it through like a one-off right but from what you're like pointing to and which is much more

00:21:27.560 factual is that these one-offs you know if you really kind of peel the layer there are these

00:21:32.760 patterns of uh perpetual line right it could be golf it could be work it taxes x values right and

00:21:42.120 and for them it becomes this sense of acceptability right so when you're like you know you really

00:21:49.640 narrow it down and you go okay what what is going on over here that causes this person to perpetually

00:21:57.320 lie right or yeah or bend truth right i think it's a better way of saying it

00:22:02.760 And it comes down to how they view themselves, how they project worth in terms of their ability to say, okay, I am what I am. This is who I am. I can aspire to be better, but this is where I'm at, right?

00:22:21.480 so in that lens it kind of comes down to um personality disorder uh and that's where

00:22:33.120 they don't have that what with him right like the night before where you know you could be like

00:22:38.960 uh okay it is what it is there is a consequence i get that consequence but i'll be okay because

00:22:47.340 it doesn't yes it may be consequential yes it may be important yes yes yes yes yes yes for every

00:22:54.080 reason that comes in their mind it's like a yes yes yes yes yes but then at the end of the day

00:22:59.160 they're like but i also and that is getting a lot murkier now and it's much more difficult and i see

00:23:11.880 that quite often you know in my practice because of the way social media has made reality more real

00:23:21.820 than it needs to be yeah great point so that point it the ends justify the means right or it's you

00:23:28.520 can't distinguish between yeah so so it kind of like takes it away you know 15 years ago if you

00:23:35.740 did a hole-in-one the only main place unless you had a you know a kodak in your back okay right

00:23:43.560 it would be a reflective conversation that would get logged only at the club and that's where the

00:23:51.940 story would pretty much stay so a group of us are having a drink and some meat afterwards and i saw

00:23:57.260 sam hit the hole in one on the par five seventh it was great shot you know way to go right or you

00:24:02.960 know you know you get the marshal out the marshall kind of like validates it and now you have a

00:24:06.820 picture on the you get in the clubhouse and then you're done right and then that becomes your badge

00:24:11.940 of owner well with you know phones now and like if you know a course right and you could be like

00:24:17.940 hey you know what film me on this shot and it just happens to be the the swing and and it's

00:24:25.100 kind of captured right and and it can get replayed and and it can be passed on it can be replicated

00:24:30.760 right so so that's where you know the fail points the stress points are greater you know when when

00:24:38.480 you kind of like go okay you know a good question be like okay what would have been some mechanisms

00:24:43.300 that he he could have used the night before right and a DBT which is dialectical behavior therapy

00:24:52.420 right what it introduces is the ability to tolerate distress right because you kind of like

00:25:01.140 you're not challenging the reality you're not trying to bend the outcome you're just saying

00:25:06.420 i'm uncomfortable so you're dealing with it yeah you're recognizing it hey yeah right because

00:25:11.540 dealing with it is then having an expectation of tools oh right right which clearly they were

00:25:17.620 different because if he had those tools then he would have said you know what

00:25:21.140 well it could also go in my favor right and i would have just kind of like stopped the story

00:25:27.060 where he's not then premeditating a um an example right where like i remember um i think it was in

00:25:39.540 my uni right statistics and we were all dressing the final and it was the the winter the fall term

00:25:47.500 right and it was like you know mid-december and i swear to god each one of us were like

00:25:52.220 please no not what can i do to study right like you know 21 year olds right like you're burned

00:25:59.260 out right but what i'm saying is so it's similar right like we're we don't know how to solve it so

00:26:03.900 we're like okay you know if it snows then they're going to cancel the exam and then like you know

00:26:10.700 what i mean and then now more energy goes into imagining like yeah you know uh mel lastman

00:26:15.820 and calling in the army again, right?

00:26:19.200 But so what I'm saying is that when you have tools,

00:26:21.700 you're able to pause the mind.

00:26:23.340 When you don't have tools, it's a thought run amok, right?

00:26:28.740 So coming back to DBT, you know,

00:26:31.240 and that's something that, you know,

00:26:33.660 it will help you kind of like go, okay, it's uncomfortable.

00:26:37.600 I don't need to understand why I'm uncomfortable.

00:26:39.640 It's an uncomfortable feeling

00:26:40.760 because it's something that's not in my control.

00:26:43.740 I'm just gonna let it be.

00:26:45.820 because it is what it is right um another one then like so if like say if it was a client mine and

00:26:52.640 you know i'm seeing him the night before the tournament you know you kind of like do it

00:26:58.120 through three lens right like so you have your dbt lens where you're like you have to tolerate

00:27:01.780 the distress because if there's no tolerance that distress you're always going to have like this

00:27:06.680 so then you're just spinning wheels right minute you kind of like create dbt as your foundation

00:27:12.600 right then you flip the script so that's you almost exercising the reality that you will have

00:27:19.940 discomfort and stress in your life but through these tools it's helping you deal with it right

00:27:25.780 because otherwise what happens is then your mind you you're going to find a way to cancel that

00:27:31.680 distress right and and it could be through an imaginary anticipation or it could be something

00:27:37.980 through like say um i need to go for a walk or i need to go on the computer you gotta do something

00:27:42.940 to dissipate that energy the energy's gotta go somewhere right but what dbt helps you do is

00:27:48.940 it recognizes that there is this energy that making me uncomfortable it's not in my control

00:27:54.460 that's why it's making me uncomfortable if it was in my control i wouldn't be making me uncomfortable

00:27:58.460 so you go okay this is making me uncomfortable you've recognized minute you recognize it that's

00:28:04.620 half the battle because now you've neutralized it in that sense that you've recognized it

00:28:09.100 now you're like okay what do i do with it right so now um the second component that i would add

00:28:15.260 to that is solution focus so what solution focus says is that it says okay if you didn't have this

00:28:20.860 distress what would an outcome look like so you know he would be like um i would have a good round

00:28:27.180 the golf okay so now all of a sudden the distress is contained he's anticipated that he's gonna have

00:28:35.420 a good round of golf so mentally he's envisioning a good day at the golf course that's it he's not

00:28:41.180 imagining each hole he's not imagining strokes he's not imagining how he's gonna end right he's

00:28:46.620 none of that he's just imagining that he's gonna have a good round of golf because every golfer

00:28:51.980 knows that you could have a par first nine but then you could shoot amazing on the back nine

00:28:59.340 and it could be and it happens in pro at the highest levels all the time how many times have

00:29:04.700 you seen baba watson choke am i allowed to say that oh yeah but but we he also won the masters

00:29:10.860 twice right but you know when you are walking in with such high leads you could blow a nine stroke

00:29:16.300 glued sure and and it'd be unimaginative you're like how would you blow a nine well it happens 0.78

00:29:22.380 right so with him it'd be like okay there is distress and having a two handicap there is a

00:29:29.420 level of discomfort because to be a two handicap you gotta golf a lot yeah that means on average

00:29:36.140 for people to understand you're scoring 74 75 76 on a part of 72 on a regular basis that's a good

00:29:43.980 golfer that's a very good golfer right because i think a good amateur golfer is like a nine seven

00:29:51.100 plus handicap probably yeah right and those are like your elite amateurs way better than that

00:29:56.220 he's like yeah you know i think what he he's 34 like say if he had really sharpened his game and

00:30:02.940 had a good coach he could easily be a par right oh yeah like absolutely i mean he wouldn't be at pga

00:30:10.780 level but if i just scratch yeah he'd be at like you know top 150 golf in that he could range in

00:30:17.020 that anyway yeah yeah so you have the then solution focus kind of like does that it's like going okay

00:30:22.220 i will have a good run of golf and the cherry on top would be solution uh cognitive behavior

00:30:28.540 and cognitive behavior what it does is it helps you reframe right because it kind of like goes okay

00:30:34.460 okay, I have distress, can't control it,

00:30:39.640 but I know what it is.

00:30:40.740 It's something I'm anticipating

00:30:41.980 that I'm putting a value to.

00:30:46.600 Not that it's not important,

00:30:48.260 not that I need to dismiss it,

00:30:50.000 but it's something that is important to me

00:30:52.060 and I would like an outcome, but I can't control it, okay?

00:30:55.240 So the CBT comes in with a reframe and goes, okay,

00:31:00.600 but I have control over my thoughts.

00:31:02.940 I have control over my feelings,

00:31:05.300 and I have control over my actions.

00:31:06.980 Right.

00:31:09.000 If these three were triggered,

00:31:12.420 they don't have to be in one sequential order,

00:31:14.700 but GBT has to come first, right?

00:31:18.220 Solution focus and CBT can come in either order,

00:31:21.560 because if you're not having tolerance to distress,

00:31:24.420 none of those two will stay.

00:31:26.240 So if he had gone with thoughts, feelings, and actions

00:31:29.180 the night before,

00:31:30.320 the premeditation would have canceled itself.

00:31:32.940 so you use the term tolerance for distress um as a society are we getting less tolerant for

00:31:41.360 distress we're more overwhelmed okay so it's actually the opposite end of why we're not

00:31:47.540 seeing tolerance huh because okay we're in 2026 that means we're living in a post-covid world

00:31:56.240 for the last three years yes yes and you know if you look at what's happening even like you know

00:32:02.720 up until Wednesday night we were supposed to get 50% tariffs right now

00:32:06.920 it's still Friday and like you know you're hearing you so what's happening

00:32:10.940 is that there's a lot of things that are not in our control but because there's

00:32:18.680 that many more things that are not in our control our tolerance is burnt out

00:32:25.340 right it's because there's that external tolerance so you know let's play

00:32:30.720 advocate here for a second and you know I'm gonna I'm gonna side with his

00:32:34.680 rationale that doesn't mean I'm agreeing with it I'm just gonna side it okay so

00:32:39.980 let's assume that he was being paired with a fortune 500 he's got young kids

00:32:48.480 he's quite young and you know that would have assured him income security so the

00:32:56.760 kids go to uni yeah now everything that he's doing in his mind has validity for him because his

00:33:06.760 because the outcome is so good the requirement for the outcome was that i can put my kids through

00:33:13.180 uni it was no longer about the whole in one right so just it shifted it right now that doesn't mean

00:33:20.600 like oh you know we're still sticking with the fact that you know you you went through an act

00:33:25.620 that had a consequence and what was missing was that CBT component my

00:33:31.800 thoughts feelings and action so I'm feeling distressed right there was no

00:33:38.940 DBT to zero that out where do my thoughts go to creating a ruse what did

00:33:46.200 it lead to an action what did that do that just made that triangle blew up in

00:33:52.140 his face it blew up in his face but it also created an outrage because now all of a sudden

00:33:56.400 people are like why that one because of the sanctity of a holy man well because it's such

00:34:02.420 a rare thing in golf right to even the highest level so to of all people someone who's that

00:34:09.900 talented and that good of a golfer he would definitely know the the rules and etiquette

00:34:15.140 and decorum of the game right because more than anyone because he golfs that much right because

00:34:19.600 you're a two handicap yeah right so you see what i'm saying is that because that was missing yeah

00:34:26.000 and where the violation happened because even the pros sometimes in a big tournament in the big

00:34:32.320 round will turn to the rules um official and get clarification on a ruling about their ball the lie

00:34:41.840 you know that happens on a regular basis just to be sure where or where you want to take a drop

00:34:46.400 yes right because you could get a stroke penalty it so you know we're not i'm not taking away from

00:34:54.240 where the violation happened um that it stays yeah right it doesn't it doesn't uh exempt him

00:35:03.520 right it doesn't exempt uh what and why however you know because you know you brought up a very

00:35:11.760 good point in terms of where are we as a society and where where is that stopgap right uh in the

00:35:20.880 eye of the individual that is trying to distress it's all a blur what it is is you know you're

00:35:29.200 having that one singular thing thoughts feelings and actions if you could understand that they're

00:35:35.680 interconnected and you can intercept any one of the three it automatically creates that okay so

00:35:42.960 you know on that even at it's at your highest you know where um you know we're blended we get

00:35:51.120 blinded by our own anxiety sure and we all have that moment of blindness so there's not a judgment

00:35:58.000 on what you could have done better because one as a spectator just like you know the um

00:36:03.840 fan in the outfield can see the ball coming down and how could you have

00:36:08.600 missed it yeah versus the outfielder that's staring in the Sun right two

00:36:13.660 different people but the point is this is that having not skill set of saying

00:36:21.220 you know what my thoughts feelings and actions are connected I feel distress I

00:36:27.020 play in high-pressure situation for him what would have been beneficial in

00:36:33.520 hindsight's 20 20 is kind of like said it is what it is i'll have the best game ever

00:36:43.440 and do the best i can and just have the best game ever and end the story because

00:36:49.680 the golf gods decide absolutely what happens so right say this zach this golfer he goes to horizon

00:36:56.720 within dotca he books a point with you sam and said sim um i messed up i need redemption yeah

00:37:04.400 what do i do to regain my self-worth and and and rebound from what i what took place

00:37:13.360 well i would i would first have him forgive himself interesting because at the end of the day

00:37:20.160 it doesn't matter that at that moment you created this ruse you created the

00:37:27.840 story you compartmentalize you did everything that under my DSM profile

00:37:31.940 marks you as an as a cold-blooded narcissist I'm gonna I'm gonna name the

00:37:38.360 elephant in the room yes just let's get that we should have done that about 20

00:37:42.880 minutes ago the point is this is that I would start with him not apologizing for

00:37:48.860 error he made but the apology is more of the realization that it's a tool that I need it's a

00:37:56.460 very different shift because blaming doesn't get you an outcome acknowledging that there's

00:38:04.620 a resource that was unavailable right and now what it does is again this is where the CBT the

00:38:12.700 mental shift comes in it goes okay it's a tool I didn't have because I'm gonna need it again and

00:38:16.300 again so first you start that second i would have an open letter to the golf world

00:38:26.140 and it's not about um an apology of the fury it caused but it's a acknowledgement

00:38:37.500 of that it's something sacred and that you know it should be respected and like going forward

00:38:44.860 that covenant that he's not really making with himself

00:38:48.680 but to the game of golf and to golfers from yeah around the world from me that loses six balls a

00:38:58.000 game to you know mccleroy and everyone in between that you know he will uphold them

00:39:05.140 once you have that platform now we can go into correct it now we can go into and go okay what

00:39:12.780 we need to do to help you build tolerance it's not only about distress tolerance on the course

00:39:18.540 it's about the stealth tolerance in life it's just on the course it had a different consequence right

00:39:27.740 right but every time there's going to be a different consequence so it's better to learn

00:39:33.500 the tool that you can then use everywhere and won't he need that um after seeing you because

00:39:38.860 when he gets back on the golf course people if they recognize his name are going to be kind of

00:39:42.940 looking down oh that's the guy no they're going to just pull out the covenant

00:39:50.380 but say they don't know the covenant then they're not a golfer they're not a golfer but he

00:39:55.100 now i hear you that's something that you know as you say going through the stages

00:40:00.540 he will have to learn about the distress because they'll be distressed just going to the course

00:40:04.860 again well just actually going back to another golf course when people know who he is right but

00:40:10.540 because he already made peace with himself okay that's why it starts there okay because he's made

00:40:16.380 peace with himself okay so now it comes back to the it is what it is right because you may hold

00:40:23.420 a different grudge but that's yours it's not right right right so now he can then understand

00:40:30.620 you have a right to that grudge but i don't have to accept it because i've already

00:40:36.620 solved it how hard how hard is it for um modern human beings to forgive themselves and not wallow

00:40:44.140 in their their pity or their you know the feeling i i messed up and just keep letting it eat at them

00:40:51.580 um so the mind likes to cancel where the rupture is so if there's no match it will always circuit

00:41:01.180 it's like a short circuit okay so coming back to him right say we kind of like break it down and

00:41:07.420 now there's like okay we know why you did so you give him the space so it's not about passing

00:41:12.060 judgment how could you or passing a assessment right it's more like okay whatever it was doesn't

00:41:20.380 matter we're not going down that rabbit hole to validate it it was x right and you chose y okay

00:41:28.860 clearly y doesn't match right yeah so now going forward you're always going to have x's because

00:41:35.900 you're always going to have a reason we got to get you a better y oh right yeah and now because you

00:41:41.580 have that so so it's a tool you didn't have and now if you're in a similar life situation down

00:41:48.220 the road you won't go to the old why there is no why because you have a tool ah yeah yeah because

00:41:55.020 it's a tool you didn't have okay now it's a tool you have got you choose not to use a tool

00:42:01.100 conversation changes right but it's a tool you have it's like anything right

00:42:08.780 think of it this way you know a rookie season

00:42:10.940 versus a veteran season what did you do you had newer tool because the team equipped you playing

00:42:20.100 in the big leagues right so now you have those tools but you also but if you've never worked

00:42:24.400 in stakes no no what i'm saying is is that like you look say you take you know your your um

00:42:30.640 awesome yeah right and you look at him in his rookie season and you look at him in his 15th

00:42:38.880 season i think he's whatever right next season the point is is that the playing in the nhl after

00:42:46.040 so many seasons he's equipped himself with better tools right but because he's never played in

00:42:51.520 stanley cup so he doesn't know what that pressure is yeah right yeah he chokes there

00:42:58.500 you see the difference but imagine game seven right tied three three home game and he scores

00:43:07.480 winning goal he's supposed to score the winning yes so he's playing the crosby in his mind

00:43:12.760 right yeah so he may fake a trip he may do something because he has to dissipate that anxiety

00:43:19.560 so a good support mental support for him would be here's what it is you're gonna have a good game

00:43:30.200 thoughts feelings and actions right he has a tool now

00:43:33.560 so that means it could be the third period he could have the winning shot in his stick

00:43:42.240 but he's not having that roost that he created he's focused on the game and the reality that's

00:43:49.380 in front of him which and you talked about the tool so is the tools for the golfer for awesome

00:43:55.500 for any of us yeah more important than maybe whether or not you listen to the little voice

00:44:00.300 in your head your little voice is you okay right is that part of your toolbox then yeah it is you

00:44:06.220 because the dbt goes to the voice in your head got it it's tools for that voice got it right

00:44:12.220 because if you have the the voice is basically saying hey i have this i don't know what to do

00:44:17.740 with it and then the outer us is no it's the other way around it's listening to it and going okay what

00:44:24.940 tool do i need right and you know that's why you know with clients it doesn't matter what where the

00:44:31.100 challenge is they kind of like instill these three as the basic you know your dbt becomes your your

00:44:36.700 foundation right because this is always going to be it just looks different in that moment for that

00:44:43.340 right talking in front of the class in grade two talking in front of your boss for a presentation

00:44:51.980 distress is the same it's just what did you learn along the way that you would like to think that

00:45:00.060 as an adult you're better able to handle it because now you have a tool yeah see how it works

00:45:05.260 yeah so the person that didn't develop that tool and was always avoidant and has to make that

00:45:10.540 presentation for a raise with no tools with no tools their distress would be versus somebody

00:45:17.100 that but they both started the same starting point right that's what sfbt solution focus is

00:45:23.900 is you anticipate the outcome that you'd like not imagine an outcome you'd like well i still think

00:45:29.740 lying about the whole one is you should have picked a better story oh i'm so upset by this

00:45:36.620 but i'm happy we had this conversation yeah sim horizon within dotca he'll give you the tools that

00:45:42.620 you need and make sure you don't pull a bonehead move like this golfer a real pleasure sim thank

00:45:47.260 you yeah absolutely thanks for having me thank you yeah it's good chat

True Patriot Love - August 30, 2026

Why Would a Good Golfer Fake a Hole-in-One？ ft. Sim

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