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Valuetainment
- August 25, 2020
15 Types of Parents - Your Next 5 Moves As A Parent
Episode Stats
Length
16 minutes
Words per Minute
229.23628
Word Count
3,796
Sentence Count
341
Summary
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gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ
.
Transcript
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Whisper
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turbo
).
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30 seconds.
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Did you ever think you would make it?
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I feel I'm so close I could take sweet victory.
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I know this life meant for me.
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Yeah, why would you bet on Goliath when we got Bet David?
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Valuetainment, giving value is contagious.
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This world of entrepreneurs, we get no value to haters.
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How they run, homie?
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Look what I become.
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I'm the one.
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I'm Patrick Bedevi, host of Valuetainment.
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Today we're going to talk about the different types of parenting.
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Yes, I got three kids.
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I don't know if you got kids.
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What kind of a parent are you?
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And how were you parenting?
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We'll talk about 15 types of parenting and what your next five moves ought to be as a parent.
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All right, so let's get right into it.
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15 types of parenting.
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The first type of parenting is helicopter parents.
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You've heard this before.
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These are parents that are over, overprotective.
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I remember back in the days when we used to go to the park, my dad would tell my mom,
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you can't go to the park with us.
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Because when I would phone my mom, we're like, oh my gosh.
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Oh my gosh.
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What's going on?
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What happened to you?
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My dad would flip out.
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He's like, just woman, get out of here.
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You're softening up your kid.
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Stop it.
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And he said, we are no longer taking mom to the park.
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So that's the helicopter parent.
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They're all over.
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They panic when smallest thing happens.
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Number two is bulldozer parents.
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Bulldozer parents are those that take all the problems away from you.
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No, no, no.
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I got it.
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No, no, no, no.
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I got it.
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Something happens in school.
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They call the teacher and they blame everything on the teacher.
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No, no, no, no.
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I got it.
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They're going to try to solve every single one of your problems all the time.
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They're bulldozing all over you.
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And typically what happens with kids like this, they become very timid and they don't
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know how to solve their own problems because their parents have been solving their problems
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their entire lives.
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Number three is dictator, which is my way or the highway.
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You either do what I'm telling you or no, I pay the bills here.
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I do this.
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You better do what I tell you to do.
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That's a dictator parent.
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Number four is your perfect parent, which is, oh my gosh, my son would never do anything
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wrong.
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My son, he's perfect.
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My daughter would never, they never do anything wrong.
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Like this kid is like growing up thinking he or she is perfect and walking on water.
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What happens later on is they realize they're not perfect and they're so scared of failing
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because the entire lives their parents told them you're so perfect.
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Number five is passive.
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They try to discipline you, but you ran all over them, which means, no honey, don't do
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that.
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I told you don't do that.
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Oh mom, be quiet.
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Okay.
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I keep trying to tell him what to do.
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He never listens.
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You're like, oh mom, you're so weak.
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My dad, I can run all over you.
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You're so easy to get whatever I want.
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That's the passive parent.
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Number six is military.
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Chop, chop.
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You woke up in the morning, you had to make your bed perfectly and you have to have your
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shoes in a perfect place and you have to say yes sir to your dad and one of those things,
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that's the military parent.
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Number seven is a negative, highly, highly critical.
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Everything you did wrong, they were negative with you, just constantly critical.
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Some of these have to do with cultures that are raised that way.
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Number eight is religious, very faith-based.
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Any kind of fears that are passed down in the religion side is passed down to you and
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you know what those fears are, so you live with those fears.
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Number nine is imposer.
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And by the way, on the other side with faith-based is also right values and principles being passed
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down, which gives a lot of confidence.
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So it can be both.
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You can have the negative and the positive.
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Number nine is imposer.
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Imposer is somebody that's imposing their dreams on you.
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They didn't make it into basketball, they want to make sure you do.
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They didn't make it into movies, they want to make sure that you do.
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But it's not your dreams, but they're imposing it on you rather than trying to find out what
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are your dreams.
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Next one is the one-parent household, which the mom has to play the role of the mom and
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the dad, or the dad has to play the role of the dad and the mom.
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And it's complicated because you don't know if one minute you're talking to your dad, trying
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to be a dad, or you're talking to your dad, trying to be a mom, or you don't know if
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you're talking to your mom, trying to be a mom, or mom trying to be a dad.
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And it's very confusing, and they're trying to do their best.
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You have the uninvolved parent, which, you know, they don't really care what you do.
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Mom, I'll be home late tonight.
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Okay, baby, I'll see you tonight.
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That's it?
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Yeah, okay, I'll see you tonight, baby.
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Okay, have fun.
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But dad, I'm going to go out and I'm going to go with the kids to the park.
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Okay, all right, cool, we'll see you.
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Dad, I don't know what time I'm going to be back home.
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I'm going to go to Jimmy's.
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Okay, have fun.
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Tell his dad I said hello.
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And that's it, like there's not involved, not interest, little too trusting in the things
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you're doing without a lot of paranoia.
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Next is absent.
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He wasn't there.
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You didn't have a father figure.
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The guy wasn't in the picture, and he had left a massive scar, or she wasn't in the picture,
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and that kind of hurt you.
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Number 13 is abuse of alcohol, physical drugs, sexual abuse, or words, which sometimes words
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are worse than other types of abuse, because those really stay with you, and they raise you
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with a lot of fear.
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Number 14 is victim mentality.
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Parents, they constantly blamed everybody.
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They blamed you.
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They blamed your mom.
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They blamed your dad.
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They blamed your sibling.
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They blamed their parents.
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They blamed the economy.
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They blamed the press.
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Everything was blame, blame, blame.
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And number 15 is structured and encouraging independent thinking, which is kind of like, hey, here's
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what we do on this day.
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Here's what we do on that day.
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Hey, what would you do?
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What do you think about this?
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What are your thoughts on this?
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How would you handle this?
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That person hit you in the face.
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Why did they hit you in the face?
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Why did the teacher say this to you?
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And then there's an element of team.
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Everybody pulls their own weight.
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You know, you wash the dishes.
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You put them away.
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You help with cooking.
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You help with shopping.
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You help with the backyard.
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You help with this.
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There's something that you need to do.
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It's discipline.
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It's expectation.
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Tap of an environment.
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Now, here's the thing.
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While you're watching this, you may be saying, my mom is this style.
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My dad is this style.
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By the way, I'd be curious to know what style you are if you're a parent, comment below.
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I'd be curious to know what your parents were as a style, comment below.
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But you're kind of looking at this, and in your mind, you're automatically going, that's
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my mom.
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That's my dad.
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That's me.
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That's my husband.
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That's my wife.
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No matter, you're going to a place, right?
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Okay, fine.
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Now, let's go to the next part.
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The next part is three questions I want you to ask about your parents.
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How they parents you.
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What did you love about the way your parents parented you?
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What did you love about it?
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What did they do?
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Were they loving?
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Were they caring?
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Were they your friend?
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Were they playful?
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Were they your best friend from you being a kid?
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What is it that they did that you loved about them?
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The second thing is, what did you hate about the way they parented you?
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Were they literally too tough on you?
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Did they push you too hard?
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Did they challenge you?
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What was it?
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Were they not around?
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What was it that you hated about the way your parents parented you?
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And the last question is a technical one.
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What did you love about the way they parented you that hurt you?
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And what did you hate about the way your parents parented you that ended up helping you?
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Let me ask that question one more time.
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Sometimes we love certain ways.
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Oh my gosh, my dad's my best friend.
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We drink together.
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It's so awesome, right?
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But he's not parenting.
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Maybe you loved it, but that hurt you.
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Oh, I love my mom.
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We used to go to clubs together.
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Used to go to clubs together with you.
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Oh yeah, we go partying all the time together.
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And we go get drunk.
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My mom's my best friend.
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Maybe you loved that, but was that good for you?
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Oh my dad, man.
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Let me tell you, man.
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He had to be waking up every morning.
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We had to go for a walk and clean this.
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I was so annoyed.
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He's the most annoying person in the world.
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Did that help you?
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How's your current work ethic right now?
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How are you doing in life right now?
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So it's very important before we blame our parents to kind of see what you hated that
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ended up being good and what you loved that ended up being bad.
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Very, very important.
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Why is that?
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Here's why.
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Because no matter what the parenting is, style is, and no matter what your parents did
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to raise you, there's two things you got to keep in mind.
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There are things you are born with.
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There's things you and I are born with and your kids are born with.
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Your DNA, which is your wiring.
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Your personality, it's yours.
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Your physical features, you're tall, you're short, you're big bone, you're small bone,
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your face, the way you look, your eyes, your legs, your feet.
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Your physical features, it's what you're born with.
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And your talents, there's some talents that you have.
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Parents' job is to try to figure out a way to work with this and make the best out of
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it, right?
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But this is yours.
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The kids.
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Now here's a taught.
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What can be taught?
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Mindset, attitude, skills, association, values, and principles, and habits.
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So now this takes me to this over here.
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Many times when you think about parenting, you hear a lot of people say, well, my style is
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going to be friends with my kids.
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I'm going to be my friend's best friend is what I'm going to do.
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So the best illustration of this concept that I can make to you is the following here,
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okay?
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This is the best way to describe it to you.
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When a baby is born, it's way more important for you to be 100% their parent than their
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best friend.
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Because that newborn baby is hoping you know how to change diapers.
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That newborn baby is hoping you can feed them, nurse them, help them, clean them, get
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them to sleep, take care of them, make sure they're healthy, make sure they have shelter,
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make sure they're warm.
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They don't care if you're their best friend or not.
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The kid doesn't care if you're their best friend or not.
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They only have one thing in mind.
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They're hoping you know how to parent them 100%.
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Not different.
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Like you don't say, hey baby, how was your day today?
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You don't do that with a baby, right?
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Because it's a baby.
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Now as they age, as they age, you eventually become less of a parent and the goal is to
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eventually become a friend for life.
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And by the way, long term, many times your kids end up becoming your parents.
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And many times you, maybe right now 48 years old, watching and saying, dude, I feel like
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I'm my parent's parent today.
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Yes.
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It's a cyclical cycle that sometimes happens.
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You take care of your parents.
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You take them to the hospital.
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You're doing that stuff.
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That turns around a little bit, right?
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But come back here.
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The biggest factor here when I put age, this is parenting when we're born.
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This is friend, okay?
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What age do you want to be the middle side, which means you're still parenting them, but
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you're still their friend?
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Is it 25, 30, 35, 40?
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What is it?
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Some people do it way too early.
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Some people do it way too late.
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You know, I was talking to Ric Flair a couple years ago at his place in Atlanta.
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And I said, so tell me about your experience with your son, because his documentary is about
00:09:51.520
his son.
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It's very difficult.
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His son was a wrestler.
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His father eventually ended up dying at a young age, I think 24, 25.
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And when he was choked up and being willing to be transparent about this, he said, the
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mistake I made is I tried to be my son's friend, not his father.
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My son needed a father, not a friend.
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It was so powerful when he said this, because you're watching the saying, he says, man, I'd
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go drinking with this guy.
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I'd go taking places with me.
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He said, I should have never done that.
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This kid needed a father.
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This kid needed a friend.
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So this will be a challenge you will have as a parent to decide when you're going to
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go through the transition mode with them.
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And it varies for everybody.
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But let me give you the five things here to be thinking about your next five moves as
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a parent.
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Number one thing you got to make a decision is, identify your style of parenting.
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Which one's going to be you?
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What's your style?
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Okay?
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You got to make a decision.
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What's your style?
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And by the way, many times you saw your friend's dad or you saw your friend's mom.
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You're like, man, I like the way she parents.
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I like the way he parents.
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I like the way my dad parented this.
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I like the way my mom parented this.
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What my mom did with this, I used to hate it when I was 13, but I love now what my
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dad parented, I used to hate that.
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But man, that really helped me out a lot today.
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What is going to be your style of parenting?
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That's the first thing you got to identify.
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Number two, what values and principles do you want to pass down to your kids?
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What are they?
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I have my own list of things that I want to pass down to them.
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What are yours?
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What things do you want to pass down to your kids that you want them to pick up from?
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For example, I'll give you some of mine.
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One of mine is negotiation.
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Everything to me in my household is about negotiating.
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So they'll come and say, Dad, I want to be able to get this.
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Tell me why you deserve it.
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Well, let me tell you why.
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Because do you remember last week what I did?
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And I did this, and I did that, and I did this.
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And you said to do this, and I did this.
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And you didn't tell me to do this, but I still went and did this.
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You're right.
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You win.
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Good point.
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I'll get this for you, right?
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That's a negotiation thing.
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The other thing is delayed gratification in my household.
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I want them to know.
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I buy a toy for them.
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They don't get to open it for nine months, but they get to look at it.
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It creates delayed gratification, which is kind of like, oh my gosh, I can't wait to
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open up that toy.
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Like right now, my son, we went and bought a nice Lego set that he wanted.
00:11:52.320
And we got a Percy Jackson series, five books.
00:11:55.240
Okay?
00:11:55.420
He's never read book books like that.
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He's read a couple hundred books, but never 200 page books.
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And he says, Dad, if I finish this Percy Jackson series, can I open up that Lego?
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I said, absolutely.
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He just finished the third one.
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There's two more left for him to wrap up.
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The eight-year-old kid, right?
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He's got two more to wrap up to open up the Lego.
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He can't wait to finish up the two books.
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And you know what he's doing right now with me?
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All he's talking about is the book, the story.
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Here's what's going on.
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Why did this happen?
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Why did that happen?
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So delayed gratification, negotiation, earning.
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These are some of the things that we do in our family, but I have more others.
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Those are just some of the ones I'm giving you.
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Number three, what kind of routine, structure, creativity, and fun can you create at different
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stages?
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What does it mean?
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A routine that you have for your six-year-old kid cannot be as effective as a 10-year-old
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kid, won't be as effective as a 14-year-old kid, and will not be effective as a 17-year-old
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kid that may be an athlete that's a student-athlete.
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It has to be a different routine, but you always got to have some of these things in place.
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So routine, structure, creativity, and fun.
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For example, during the pandemic, when the kids started coming with me, one of the things
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we set up on a daily basis was the following.
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Every day, the kids were required to make 52 shots, every day, shots made, baskets made,
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not shot, made.
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Then outside of that, required to read 20 pages every day of a book, required to read
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an hour documentary, and 25 laps in the pool in our house.
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Now that's for me.
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You may say, Pat, I wish I had a pool.
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I'm not telling you to do what I do.
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I'm just telling you that's my routine that I pass on to my kids.
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You know what happened by the time the pandemic was that they could go back to school?
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My kids were in shape.
00:13:29.320
Their energy was high.
00:13:30.320
They were confident.
00:13:31.080
They were well-read.
00:13:31.680
They could talk about different topics, philosophy, Socrates, Einstein, stuff that people, what
00:13:36.600
are you talking about?
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How do these guys know this kind of stuff?
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Because they've been reading.
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They've been watching documentaries.
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They've been getting their mindset.
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They've been in shape.
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And we've had a ton of fun together as well at the same time.
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Now, number four, what's the currency in your house for them to get what they want?
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This is very important.
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Let me say this again.
00:13:51.460
What is the currency in your house to get what they want?
00:13:54.880
Meaning, if you say, you have to respect, you've got to respect people, you've got to
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respect people.
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Oh, good job.
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You respect the people.
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Here's a cookie.
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You've got to love.
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You've got to love.
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You've got to clean your bed.
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You've got to clean your bed.
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Good job.
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You clean your bed.
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Two months in a row.
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Here's $5.
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You've got to go do this.
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In my household, my number one currency is reading books.
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That's my currency.
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What's your currency?
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So if you want to come and negotiate with me in my house as a kid, your currency is reading.
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You come to me and say, Dad, I read 80 pages today.
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You read how many pages today?
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80 pages today.
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Wow.
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It's a Sunday.
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Can I go watch a movie?
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Yeah, sure.
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Absolutely.
00:14:34.820
Read 80 pages today.
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Your typical homework is not 80 pages.
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It's 20 pages.
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You want 80 pages?
00:14:38.960
Yeah.
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Let me ask some questions on the pages you read.
00:14:41.120
Yeah, I learned this.
00:14:41.840
I learned that.
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I learned this.
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I said, I'm a phenomenal job.
00:14:43.980
But the currency is books.
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The currency is reading.
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Some households, the currency changes all the time, so it's not clear for kids.
00:14:52.200
If you and I want to go shopping, what is the currency in the U.S.?
00:14:54.500
It's the dollar.
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It's always been the dollar.
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It's staying the dollar.
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Your household, the currency has to be a currency that's clear.
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For some, it's grades.
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For me, it's not grades.
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For me, it's reading books more than it is grades because reading books is forever.
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Grades is eventually going to stop once they're done going to high school and college.
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But reading books is permanent, and that lasts when they're 48 years old.
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If they get the bug of reading, it's game over for them, right?
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So for me, it's four.
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You've got to make a decision what your currency is.
00:15:21.860
Last but not least, number five is who and how can you leverage other people to help with
00:15:26.280
the development process of your kids?
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Who?
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Teachers?
00:15:29.540
Coaches?
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Mentors?
00:15:31.540
Advisors?
00:15:32.320
A friend that you have that runs a business that you can have your kid go around them?
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What is it?
00:15:36.160
Who and how can you leverage other people?
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These are five things I think about when it comes down to parenting.
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These are five moves you can be thinking about when it comes down to parenting.
00:15:44.980
And move number two, move number two, I believe, is the most important skill set to teach your
00:15:51.260
kids.
00:15:51.640
Move number two.
00:15:52.580
If you work with me, any one of my kids, any one of my employees that have ever worked with
00:15:56.520
me here, there's one thing they all get very good at.
00:15:59.160
It's processing issues and negotiating.
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Why?
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Because we emphasize this so much.
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The whole culture here is about processing issues and negotiating.
00:16:08.980
Thanks, everybody, for listening.
00:16:10.580
And by the way, if you haven't already subscribed to Valuetainment on iTunes, please do so.
00:16:15.140
Give us a five-star.
00:16:16.560
Write a review if you haven't already.
00:16:18.040
And if you have any questions for me that you may have, you can always find me on Snapchat,
00:16:22.040
Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube.
00:16:24.000
Just search my name, Patrick Bid David.
00:16:25.920
And I actually do respond back when you snap me or send me a message on Instagram.
00:16:30.740
With that being said, have a great day today.
00:16:32.560
Take care, everybody.
00:16:33.300
Bye-bye.
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