Valuetainment

00:00:00.000 There's roughly 74 million fathers in America today, and every single one of them, at some

00:00:04.260 point, is going to experience these three phases you go through with your kids.

00:00:07.560 That applies also to business and in life.

00:00:10.140 So before I get into it, if this gives you any value, give it a thumbs up and subscribe

00:00:13.600 to the channel.

00:00:14.340 What are the three phases?

00:00:15.560 First phase, it's a beautiful phase.

00:00:17.220 It's when your kids totally idolize their dads.

00:00:20.480 Oh my God, my dad is so awesome.

00:00:22.280 We play catch together.

00:00:23.540 We go out and have a good time together.

00:00:25.060 My dad is amazing.

00:00:26.300 And then all of a sudden, kid gets a little bit older, then dad does things wrong.

00:00:29.720 Dad doesn't have a clue what he's doing.

00:00:31.380 Then you go through the demonized phase. 0.98

00:00:33.160 My dad is horrible. 0.98

00:00:34.420 He's so controlling. 0.99

00:00:35.560 He doesn't care about me.

00:00:36.740 He doesn't do this.

00:00:37.560 He doesn't do that.

00:00:38.320 And then you may go through a phase of a couple of years, maybe five, 10 years.

00:00:42.060 Sometimes it lasts over 10 years where you just totally demonize your dad.

00:00:45.480 Your dad can't do anything right.

00:00:47.180 And then one day you wake up.

00:00:48.160 Typically, it happens when you become a father and then you start humanizing your father.

00:00:52.020 And you say, man, he's kind of right. 1.00

00:00:54.800 Shit. 1.00

00:00:55.320 You know, things he said. 1.00

00:00:56.560 That was kind of right.

00:00:57.340 This was right.

00:00:57.920 All this other stuff that takes place.

00:00:59.860 So again, you may be watching this as a kid saying, I'm in the phase right now.

00:01:02.480 But you don't understand.

00:01:03.220 My dad is different. 0.99

00:01:04.160 He's horrible. 0.99

00:01:04.840 He's this. 1.00

00:01:05.280 He's that.

00:01:05.820 Fine.

00:01:06.160 No problem.

00:01:06.740 By the way, this is not a fatherless home statistic I'm giving you.

00:01:09.900 Set those fathers aside that are not there.

00:01:11.820 They're absent.

00:01:12.480 They're not around.

00:01:13.160 You can say whatever you want there.

00:01:14.480 I'm not talking about that.

00:01:15.760 I'm talking about somebody that is active, is there, is tough on you, challenges you, kicks 0.99

00:01:21.060 your butt, pushes you. 0.99

00:01:22.140 All this stuff where you have many opportunities to have a demonizing type of an energy towards 1.00

00:01:27.060 your father.

00:01:27.540 Let's look at a couple of different things.

00:01:28.780 My feedback on both.

00:01:30.180 Okay.

00:01:30.520 On, on both.

00:01:31.380 Meaning the person that's like, that's not fair versus the person that's kicking their 0.98

00:01:34.680 butt and challenging them. 0.98

00:01:35.500 Right.

00:01:35.700 I've been both places in my career as a father, as a businessman, as a CEO, anybody in your

00:01:42.560 life that is going to get into the phase of having to challenge you, mentor you, expect

00:01:47.040 more from you.

00:01:47.860 There are millions of opportunity to dislike this person because you're going to be like,

00:01:51.860 what is it ever going to be good enough for you?

00:01:53.760 I let you down.

00:01:54.780 I didn't get this deadline.

00:01:55.920 I didn't do this.

00:01:56.760 You're automatically going to resent that person a little bit.

00:01:59.780 If you're able to have wisdom and look at it and realize maybe you didn't keep your

00:02:04.560 end of the bargain.

00:02:05.240 Maybe you said you were going to do something you didn't do.

00:02:07.360 Maybe you're the one that is frustrated with yourself, but you're taking it out on the

00:02:11.000 easy target, which is your dad or your boss or your CEO or your entrepreneur, whoever

00:02:14.600 you're working with, you're like, it's all his fault.

00:02:16.800 But in reality, when you're by yourself 10 years later, you say, it's kind of my fault.

00:02:21.720 I had a guy I was working with.

00:02:23.040 Love this guy.

00:02:23.820 Great guy.

00:02:24.460 But he left on bad terms because I challenged him.

00:02:26.880 I thought this guy was going to be like rock star.

00:02:28.460 10 years later, he gives me a phone call.

00:02:30.260 He gives me, he texts me first and say, can we get on the call?

00:02:32.540 I'm like, why is this guy calling me?

00:02:33.700 This guy didn't say a lot of good things about me when he left.

00:02:35.660 He demonized everything I was doing.

00:02:36.940 But we had lost contact.

00:02:37.820 So I didn't know what he was up to.

00:02:38.960 He says, you got any time to get on the call?

00:02:41.020 Sure, let's get on the call together.

00:02:42.080 We got on the call.

00:02:42.840 I said, what's up?

00:02:43.560 I said, am I not the person that you hated?

00:02:46.400 And I did this and I did that and I did this.

00:02:48.460 He says, Pat, I was 24 years old.

00:02:50.080 I had no clue what the hell I was doing.

00:02:51.280 I said, OK, cool.

00:02:52.020 How you doing?

00:02:52.660 He said, well, I wanted to call you because it's very emotional for me.

00:02:54.960 I've been wanting to call you for the last six months.

00:02:56.940 I've had a hard time giving you a call.

00:02:58.200 So what's that?

00:02:58.720 He says, I am officially stuck in that winter slump.

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00:03:37.380 It's time for Tim's.

00:03:39.340 The bank president for XYZ Bank.

00:03:42.420 And this was in San Diego.

00:03:43.780 Is you the bank president?

00:03:44.700 I said, yes.

00:03:45.200 Really?

00:03:45.680 Yeah.

00:03:46.220 How good are you doing?

00:03:47.160 Very good.

00:03:47.660 I said, that's amazing.

00:03:48.900 I always knew you had it in you to do something big.

00:03:50.960 And he is quiet now.

00:03:52.340 He's not saying anything.

00:03:53.400 I said, what's up?

00:03:54.540 Why are you quiet?

00:03:55.320 He says, Pat, everything you taught me for that year and a half that I worked with you

00:03:59.740 on the way you challenged me, you pushed me, you did this, you did that, you did this.

00:04:02.920 I applied all of those things to what I'm doing right now.

00:04:05.940 And I eventually became a president.

00:04:07.540 And I now have people that resent me.

00:04:10.340 But everybody that resents me, I go back and I think about the time that I resented you

00:04:14.300 for a couple of years.

00:04:15.580 And I just want to say sorry.

00:04:17.220 And I want to say thank you.

00:04:18.320 It's the weirdest phone call.

00:04:19.400 But I love the phone.

00:04:19.960 I get a lot of those calls nowadays because I'm in a tough position.

00:04:22.420 I'm always, you know, for the most part, I've been a person that's challenging.

00:04:25.480 But this guy had to go through his phase of idolizing, oh my God, it's the best working

00:04:29.600 with Pat to demonizing, man, he's so tough on you, da, da, da, da, da.

00:04:32.520 All he cares about is this. 0.96

00:04:33.660 And then humanize, damn, I kind of have to do the same thing he's doing to develop the 0.98

00:04:36.560 next, you know, get to the next level as well. 0.97

00:04:38.040 So you got those three phases.

00:04:39.440 But there's three other things that you got to be thinking about if you are the father,

00:04:42.640 if you are the boss, because you can't say, oh, it's my son.

00:04:45.420 Oh, it's all on them.

00:04:46.240 No, part of it is on us as well.

00:04:47.460 So what is it on the father?

00:04:48.640 What is it on the CEO?

00:04:49.500 What is it on the leader?

00:04:50.460 Three things.

00:04:51.180 First phase is body phase.

00:04:52.780 You have to win their trust.

00:04:53.960 You have to win their love.

00:04:54.980 They have to know you care about them with your kid.

00:04:56.880 Your kid has to know I love you.

00:04:57.980 Last night, Dylan and I are practicing the scripture for him.

00:05:00.740 He keeps getting the one word.

00:05:02.560 But on what is unseen, scripture Corinthians, we're going back and forth.

00:05:07.420 For 30 minutes, eventually he starts, oh my God, dad, you're making, I said, buddy,

00:05:11.920 one more time, one more time.

00:05:13.420 We did this for 30 minutes until, boom, he got it, right?

00:05:16.280 And he comes in and I say, hey, who loves you?

00:05:18.640 He says, you love me.

00:05:19.640 I said, of course I love you.

00:05:20.680 But I want you to crush it tomorrow because I know what you're trying to do with your scores.

00:05:23.960 First thing in the morning, I'm taking him.

00:05:25.120 It's like, hey, tell me the scripture.

00:05:26.380 Bam, bam, bam.

00:05:27.340 Three times here, back to back to back to back, right?

00:05:29.220 I'm in a tough position, but he has to know I love him.

00:05:31.620 Number one is body.

00:05:32.360 Number two is mentoring.

00:05:33.700 I would do this if I were you.

00:05:34.940 I would do that if I were you.

00:05:36.320 Try reading this.

00:05:37.460 Try doing that.

00:05:38.420 Do it this way.

00:05:39.540 Do it that way.

00:05:40.520 How about this?

00:05:41.260 How about that?

00:05:42.140 Look at this.

00:05:42.780 Read this article.

00:05:43.620 Look at this video.

00:05:44.540 Look how he's doing it.

00:05:45.240 Do you see how she did it?

00:05:46.340 Try that.

00:05:47.040 It's mentoring.

00:05:47.840 So body, mentoring.

00:05:49.320 Try this way.

00:05:50.140 And then the last one, which creates friction, is challenge.

00:05:53.200 And the challenge is, you said you were going to do this.

00:05:55.360 Why don't you do it?

00:05:56.200 That's friction with your son.

00:05:57.860 Oh my God, he's always on top.

00:05:59.540 I'm like, so leave me alone. 0.94

00:06:00.540 Can you give me a freaking, cut me some slack? 0.64

00:06:02.380 Hey, I thought you said you guys, this month, you guys weren't going to do this number.

00:06:05.480 What happened here?

00:06:06.360 So you challenge.

00:06:07.020 I think you guys can do X, Y, Z.

00:06:08.540 Are you guys putting the right effort?

00:06:09.660 Are you guys giving your best?

00:06:10.760 Are you staying focused?

00:06:11.720 I notice a lot of times you're watching Netflix while you're working.

00:06:14.240 Why are you watching shows at work hours?

00:06:16.080 Why are you always having a movie playing in the background and you're working like this?

00:06:19.880 You think you can stay focused like that?

00:06:21.440 Oh my God, it's like I can't do nothing at work.

00:06:23.720 But your boss may be right.

00:06:25.340 But your leader may be right.

00:06:26.780 But you can still say it and then let them know.

00:06:29.880 I believe you can be X, Y, Z if you do A, B, C.

00:06:35.340 But if you as a leader or a father forget to inject the belief and love in the person that you're leading and you're driving, they think that maybe you don't love them anymore and maybe you don't believe in them anymore.

00:06:45.800 Sometimes all the leader has to do is to remind the person how much they believe in them for the individual to say, I'm willing to receive the mentoring and be in challenge because I know for a fact this guy loves me and cares about me.

00:06:57.520 It's something I had to learn in my 20s and it's not something you're ever going to perfect.

00:07:01.000 It's something that's a constant reminder to us fathers and to us leaders to know this is going to be happening.

00:07:06.640 You're never going to perfect this.

00:07:08.060 You've got to constantly be aware of this if you want to have a stronger relationship with your kids and the people that you're leading.

00:07:12.660 So if you got value out of this video, give it a thumbs up.

00:07:15.140 Subscribe to the channel.

00:07:16.120 I got another video for you to watch.

00:07:17.580 I did a few months ago titled The Fatherless Crisis in America.

00:07:20.940 If you've never seen this before, click here to watch it.

00:07:23.060 Take care, everybody.

00:07:23.900 Bye-bye, bye-bye.

00:07:27.520 Bye-bye.

A Father Son Conflict To Be Aware Of

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