Valuetainment - September 04, 2020


Addiction to Compliments is Killing You


Episode Stats

Length

8 minutes

Words per Minute

207.9569

Word Count

1,711

Sentence Count

149


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 The ability to read people matters in every aspect of your life, but today specifically
00:00:26.640 I'm going to talk about business and here's why.
00:00:28.980 If you're somebody that has plans of one day being an executive, right, if you have plans
00:00:33.580 of one day being a CEO and a president, a founder, somebody that's running a company
00:00:38.980 and people are working with you, you have to know how to read people.
00:00:41.920 And these are a couple of things you need to know about reading people.
00:00:44.120 You need to be able to read a room.
00:00:45.480 You're sitting in a room, is that guy on my side?
00:00:47.960 Is this guy on my side?
00:00:49.300 Is she on my side?
00:00:50.640 Is the attorney on my side?
00:00:52.060 Who's not on my side?
00:00:53.340 Who is somebody that can be, is reasonable, that can have a proper negotiation with and
00:00:57.780 who is absolutely not reasonable and who doesn't have information right now?
00:01:01.440 Let me give them a break and maybe they can find out that my proposal I'm making is going
00:01:04.860 to be a good thing.
00:01:05.620 Let me go step past this when it comes down to reading people.
00:01:09.020 So many times I'll see folks who want to be executives, they want to be leaders, but
00:01:13.460 unfortunately behind closed doors, they are fiends of compliments.
00:01:17.920 And what do I mean by this?
00:01:18.880 They love having people say, you look so amazing today.
00:01:22.420 You're wonderful.
00:01:23.640 You're better than Johnny.
00:01:24.820 You're better than Bobby.
00:01:26.200 I tell you, you're doing a great job.
00:01:28.200 The other guy that was here, he wasn't as good as you.
00:01:30.220 Oh, let me tell you, that person right there, 10 times, you are 10 times better than them.
00:01:34.420 I love your style.
00:01:35.580 All of these things are like, I need to hear this so often.
00:01:38.540 And the need to constantly be complimented is a character issue.
00:01:42.720 How do I know this?
00:01:44.100 Years ago, I'm 25, 26, I constantly needed to be told that I'm doing a great job.
00:01:51.100 Why?
00:01:51.860 Here's what happened.
00:01:52.880 I wasn't confident whether I knew how to do the job or not.
00:01:55.860 I second guessed myself constantly.
00:01:58.020 I don't know if I can pull this off or not.
00:01:59.820 I don't know if this is for me or not.
00:02:01.460 So I said, oh, you're so amazing.
00:02:03.000 Okay, good.
00:02:03.800 Oh my God, I'm going to stay motivated one more day.
00:02:05.100 Oh, so you're so great.
00:02:05.900 You're so great.
00:02:06.160 What I didn't realize, that I hadn't learned the difference between compliment and flattery.
00:02:11.420 What is the difference between compliment and flattery?
00:02:13.940 Compliment is coming from somebody that's sincere and has no motives behind it.
00:02:18.060 They just want to tell you, you did a great job.
00:02:20.400 Flattery comes with a motive.
00:02:22.080 Because flattery is a method of softening you up to win you over and kind of get you on their side.
00:02:29.820 And gradually extending my motives over to you, right?
00:02:33.580 So let's talk about compliments.
00:02:35.240 I was having a conversation with a few guys.
00:02:37.620 I said, let me tell you guys this much.
00:02:39.380 My list of people whose compliments matter to me is such a short list that I can count them on two hands.
00:02:45.320 It's a very short list.
00:02:46.520 It isn't hundreds of people.
00:02:48.620 It's maybe 10 or 15 people that if they compliment me, has a lot of value in my life.
00:02:53.640 A lot of value in my life.
00:02:54.800 So if I get a call from a competitor, or if I get a call from an enemy, and the call starts this way, let me tell you man, you're so amazing.
00:03:03.460 You're the best of the best.
00:03:04.960 You're wonderful.
00:03:06.000 I've never seen anything like you.
00:03:07.480 I just sit there, and I'm literally not listening to anything they're saying to me, because I trust my enemies a lot.
00:03:14.560 I have a lot of trust in my enemies.
00:03:16.540 In my list of top 10 people I trust the most, guess who's at the top of my list?
00:03:21.180 My enemies.
00:03:22.500 Now you may say, Pat, what do you mean?
00:03:24.100 You trust them more than the people that work with you?
00:03:26.120 Yes.
00:03:27.000 Yes, I do.
00:03:28.000 I trust my enemies more than I trust the people that I work with.
00:03:30.940 How is that even possible?
00:03:32.480 Isn't that an insult?
00:03:33.660 Absolutely not.
00:03:34.440 Tell me what you mean by you trust your enemies more than the people that work with you.
00:03:37.840 I'll explain it to you.
00:03:38.940 Here's what I mean.
00:03:39.900 I trust that my enemies hate the fact that I'm taking market share away from them, and they would do anything to take the market share back.
00:03:48.480 I trust that my enemies, internally, will like to see me go out of business.
00:03:53.760 I trust that my enemies will love to take my best clients away from me.
00:03:58.020 I trust that my enemies will gladly take my best salesperson from me.
00:04:02.380 Why?
00:04:02.920 Because that's capitalism.
00:04:04.440 I trust it.
00:04:05.840 It's called competition.
00:04:07.480 If I'm taking market share away from you, you want it.
00:04:10.200 By the way, in election, Biden and Trump.
00:04:12.660 You don't think Biden will gladly take another state from Trump?
00:04:15.480 You don't think Trump will take another state from Biden?
00:04:18.420 They'll gladly take it.
00:04:19.800 Trump trusts every morning he wakes up, Democrats will do anything for him to not get elected.
00:04:25.000 And Biden and Democrats wake up every morning knowing Trump and the Republicans will do anything they can to take it away from the Democrats.
00:04:31.060 It's a very high trust factor, and you've got to have that as well.
00:04:34.060 So you cannot be naive.
00:04:35.440 So let me go back to how this whole thing got started, which is what?
00:04:40.120 Reading people.
00:04:42.000 Reading rooms.
00:04:43.740 Reading motive.
00:04:45.240 Why are you complimenting me?
00:04:46.980 Why are you flattering me?
00:04:48.620 Why are you telling me such amazing things about me?
00:04:50.780 What do you need from me next?
00:04:52.260 By the way, kids do these to parents all the time.
00:04:54.520 Kids do this to parents all the time.
00:04:56.060 Dad, let me tell you.
00:04:56.940 What's that?
00:04:57.360 You know, I told people in school today, you're the greatest dad in the world.
00:05:01.020 Oh, really?
00:05:01.680 Yeah.
00:05:02.240 You're the greatest dad in the world.
00:05:03.820 Now, what kid 100% believes their dad's the greatest dad in the world?
00:05:08.240 You know, kids typically remember what parents did wrong, right?
00:05:11.560 Daddy, you're the best, greatest dad in the world.
00:05:13.740 Really?
00:05:14.120 Awesome.
00:05:14.640 Thanks, buddy.
00:05:15.400 Now, you wait one minute, five minutes, ten minutes.
00:05:19.080 Yeah, daddy.
00:05:19.940 Hey, dad, can we go buy that video game that just came out?
00:05:23.180 It's only $100.
00:05:24.380 See how that works out?
00:05:25.220 It's everywhere.
00:05:26.420 Now, this doesn't mean your kids are bad people.
00:05:29.040 You just have to understand what's the motive.
00:05:31.420 What is the motive of flattery?
00:05:32.940 And in business, more than in personal life, you have to watch out for it in a big way.
00:05:37.820 And when it comes down to compliments, the last exercise I want you to do is the following thing here.
00:05:42.540 I want you to get a list of names of people in your life where their compliments matter to you the most.
00:05:48.240 And then ask yourself, how much do you think compliments from everybody?
00:05:52.500 Are you constantly seeking compliments?
00:05:54.220 So, think about the person you don't like.
00:05:57.040 Think about the person that you're so furious with.
00:05:59.540 Is it because they haven't complimented you in a long time?
00:06:01.700 Why do you need it so bad?
00:06:03.400 Why do you need it so bad?
00:06:04.520 Why must you get a compliment from that person?
00:06:07.040 If you desperately need a compliment from that person, guess who owns you?
00:06:11.480 That person.
00:06:12.800 If they give it to you, great.
00:06:14.360 If they don't give it to you, you're still free.
00:06:16.160 Because your list of compliments is that short list of 5, 10, 15, 20 names that matter the most.
00:06:21.980 Meaning, when my kids are 32 years old and we're sitting one there, they're making their own money.
00:06:26.980 They have their own family.
00:06:27.760 And they say, Daddy, let me tell you something, man.
00:06:29.540 I got to tell you this.
00:06:30.300 I say, what's up, buddy?
00:06:30.880 Daddy, thank you for raising me the way you did.
00:06:34.200 You were tough on me, man.
00:06:35.080 But thank you for that.
00:06:36.540 Ah, very cool.
00:06:37.380 You got it, buddy.
00:06:38.180 Daddy loves you.
00:06:39.360 When I sit with an executive or somebody I'm doing a business with and they're sitting there saying,
00:06:43.120 Hey, you know, we just made $48 million investing into your company.
00:06:46.560 I just want you to know, man, you're the best investment we ever made.
00:06:49.960 And there's no other motives behind it because the check's already been cut.
00:06:52.880 That compliment matters.
00:06:54.860 When you work with executives in a company and they say,
00:06:57.360 You know that one time we were going through that one situation?
00:06:59.360 Yeah, I wasn't fully supportive about the decision we were getting ready to make.
00:07:03.580 But 15 years later, I'm going to tell you this.
00:07:06.300 I'm so glad you had the guts to make that decision.
00:07:08.540 Thank you.
00:07:09.460 Those are the compliments you ought to be looking for.
00:07:12.340 Not the compliments from people that use it as a form of flattery to get inside your head
00:07:16.760 and be able to get what they want out of you.
00:07:18.940 So again, a few lists you got to make.
00:07:20.460 Number one, top 10 people you trust the most in business.
00:07:23.580 Number two, who are the people's compliments that matter to you the most?
00:07:27.640 And number three, eliminate many names whose compliments shouldn't matter to you.
00:07:34.720 And you will be amazed how much more freer you'll be to be able to read people in every business situation that you'll be in.
00:07:42.480 Thanks everybody for listening.
00:07:43.760 And by the way, if you haven't already subscribed to Valuetainment on iTunes, please do so.
00:07:48.380 Give us a five star.
00:07:49.800 Write a review if you haven't already.
00:07:51.140 And if you have any questions for me that you may have, you can always find me on Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube.
00:07:57.260 Just search my name, PatrickBitDavid.
00:07:59.160 And I actually do respond back when you snap me or send me a message on Instagram.
00:08:04.000 With that being said, have a great day today.
00:08:05.800 Take care everybody.
00:08:06.540 Bye-bye.
00:08:06.800 Bye-bye.
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00:08:11.660 Bye-bye.