Addiction to Compliments is Killing You
Episode Stats
Words per minute
207.9569
Summary
The ability to read people matters in every aspect of your life, but today specifically, I m going to talk about business. If you re somebody that has plans of one day being an executive, a founder, a CEO, or someone that s running a company, and people are working with you, you need to know how to read a room. You need to be able to read who s on your side, who s not on yours, who is reasonable, and who doesn t have information right now.
Transcript
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The ability to read people matters in every aspect of your life, but today specifically
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I'm going to talk about business and here's why.
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If you're somebody that has plans of one day being an executive, right, if you have plans
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of one day being a CEO and a president, a founder, somebody that's running a company
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and people are working with you, you have to know how to read people.
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And these are a couple of things you need to know about reading people.
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You're sitting in a room, is that guy on my side?
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Who is somebody that can be, is reasonable, that can have a proper negotiation with and
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who is absolutely not reasonable and who doesn't have information right now?
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Let me give them a break and maybe they can find out that my proposal I'm making is going
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Let me go step past this when it comes down to reading people.
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So many times I'll see folks who want to be executives, they want to be leaders, but
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unfortunately behind closed doors, they are fiends of compliments.
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They love having people say, you look so amazing today.
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The other guy that was here, he wasn't as good as you.
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Oh, let me tell you, that person right there, 10 times, you are 10 times better than them.
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All of these things are like, I need to hear this so often.
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And the need to constantly be complimented is a character issue.
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Years ago, I'm 25, 26, I constantly needed to be told that I'm doing a great job.
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I wasn't confident whether I knew how to do the job or not.
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Oh my God, I'm going to stay motivated one more day.
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What I didn't realize, that I hadn't learned the difference between compliment and flattery.
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What is the difference between compliment and flattery?
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Compliment is coming from somebody that's sincere and has no motives behind it.
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They just want to tell you, you did a great job.
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Because flattery is a method of softening you up to win you over and kind of get you on their side.
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And gradually extending my motives over to you, right?
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My list of people whose compliments matter to me is such a short list that I can count them on two hands.
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It's maybe 10 or 15 people that if they compliment me, has a lot of value in my life.
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So if I get a call from a competitor, or if I get a call from an enemy, and the call starts this way, let me tell you man, you're so amazing.
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I just sit there, and I'm literally not listening to anything they're saying to me, because I trust my enemies a lot.
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In my list of top 10 people I trust the most, guess who's at the top of my list?
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You trust them more than the people that work with you?
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I trust my enemies more than I trust the people that I work with.
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Tell me what you mean by you trust your enemies more than the people that work with you.
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I trust that my enemies hate the fact that I'm taking market share away from them, and they would do anything to take the market share back.
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I trust that my enemies, internally, will like to see me go out of business.
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I trust that my enemies will love to take my best clients away from me.
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I trust that my enemies will gladly take my best salesperson from me.
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If I'm taking market share away from you, you want it.
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You don't think Biden will gladly take another state from Trump?
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You don't think Trump will take another state from Biden?
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Trump trusts every morning he wakes up, Democrats will do anything for him to not get elected.
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And Biden and Democrats wake up every morning knowing Trump and the Republicans will do anything they can to take it away from the Democrats.
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It's a very high trust factor, and you've got to have that as well.
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So let me go back to how this whole thing got started, which is what?
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Why are you telling me such amazing things about me?
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By the way, kids do these to parents all the time.
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You know, I told people in school today, you're the greatest dad in the world.
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Now, what kid 100% believes their dad's the greatest dad in the world?
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You know, kids typically remember what parents did wrong, right?
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Daddy, you're the best, greatest dad in the world.
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Now, you wait one minute, five minutes, ten minutes.
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Hey, dad, can we go buy that video game that just came out?
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Now, this doesn't mean your kids are bad people.
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And in business, more than in personal life, you have to watch out for it in a big way.
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And when it comes down to compliments, the last exercise I want you to do is the following thing here.
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I want you to get a list of names of people in your life where their compliments matter to you the most.
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And then ask yourself, how much do you think compliments from everybody?
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Think about the person that you're so furious with.
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Is it because they haven't complimented you in a long time?
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Why must you get a compliment from that person?
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If you desperately need a compliment from that person, guess who owns you?
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If they don't give it to you, you're still free.
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Because your list of compliments is that short list of 5, 10, 15, 20 names that matter the most.
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Meaning, when my kids are 32 years old and we're sitting one there, they're making their own money.
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And they say, Daddy, let me tell you something, man.
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Daddy, thank you for raising me the way you did.
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When I sit with an executive or somebody I'm doing a business with and they're sitting there saying,
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Hey, you know, we just made $48 million investing into your company.
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I just want you to know, man, you're the best investment we ever made.
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And there's no other motives behind it because the check's already been cut.
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When you work with executives in a company and they say,
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You know that one time we were going through that one situation?
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Yeah, I wasn't fully supportive about the decision we were getting ready to make.
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But 15 years later, I'm going to tell you this.
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I'm so glad you had the guts to make that decision.
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Those are the compliments you ought to be looking for.
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Not the compliments from people that use it as a form of flattery to get inside your head
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Number one, top 10 people you trust the most in business.
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Number two, who are the people's compliments that matter to you the most?
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And number three, eliminate many names whose compliments shouldn't matter to you.
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And you will be amazed how much more freer you'll be to be able to read people in every business situation that you'll be in.
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And by the way, if you haven't already subscribed to Valuetainment on iTunes, please do so.
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And if you have any questions for me that you may have, you can always find me on Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube.
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