Valuetainment - July 11, 2022


An Unorthodox Approach To Conflict Resolution


Episode Stats


Length

7 minutes

Words per minute

255.40007

Word count

1,813

Sentence count

169

Harmful content

Misogyny

1

sentences flagged

Hate speech

1

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I tell the story of how I came up with the idea of sending my kids to a boarding school and how my kids' reaction to it was priceless. If you haven't heard the story, you're in for a treat.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 So the other day I had a conversation with my two boys about sending them to boarding school
00:00:03.620 that there's some message there, but you should hear about their reaction.
00:00:06.960 Ten and eight-year-old kid are looking at me saying,
00:00:08.860 you're going to send us to boarding school?
00:00:10.540 I thought you loved us, but wait before you say I'm a terrible parent.
00:00:13.500 Wait for the story.
00:00:14.460 By the way, if the story makes sense, give it a thumbs up and subscribe to the channel.
00:00:17.180 So let me get right into it.
00:00:18.520 So the other day I'm upstairs and I'm doing my thing in the closet
00:00:23.280 and then all of a sudden my son shows up.
00:00:25.280 Daddy, you won't believe what Tico did.
00:00:27.740 And so I'm going, hey, Dylan, stop being a snitch.
00:00:31.740 Why do you tell Daddy everything?
00:00:33.140 Why are you pestering?
00:00:34.380 Why are you doing this?
00:00:35.060 So they come upstairs and they're going at it.
00:00:37.100 And when they fight, they have some real fights.
00:00:39.300 I say, what's going on?
00:00:40.440 Okay, what now?
00:00:41.800 I can't live with this guy.
00:00:43.860 I can't.
00:00:45.040 He's driving me insane.
00:00:47.780 And I'm like, oh, really?
00:00:49.160 I can't.
00:00:49.780 I can't do it no more.
00:00:50.840 How about you?
00:00:51.620 I can't.
00:00:52.240 It's too much.
00:00:53.300 It's too much.
00:00:53.980 Okay, so what just happened right now?
00:00:55.460 Daddy, you want to know what Tico did?
00:00:56.780 What did Tico do?
00:00:57.740 Tico did, you know what's the thing?
00:00:58.980 Like you spit on it and you do the ear thing.
00:01:00.560 I don't know what Americans call it.
00:01:01.740 It's a, what do you call it?
00:01:03.120 What is it?
00:01:04.420 Wet willy is what they're doing, right? 0.94
00:01:06.100 So he did a wet willy on me.
00:01:08.680 I'm like, what do you mean?
00:01:09.380 I'm trying to hold myself because I don't want to laugh
00:01:10.860 because if I laugh, I'm undermining the important issue to him.
00:01:13.920 So I said, okay, guys, listen, this is getting too much.
00:01:16.780 Every time there's problems, you guys come up to me.
00:01:18.920 And this is every day.
00:01:19.920 And it's getting a lot of pressure on your mom, on me, on Melva and Papa.
00:01:23.660 We got to figure something out.
00:01:24.840 I have a great idea.
00:01:25.960 They said, what's that?
00:01:26.540 Grab a seat.
00:01:27.740 So they sit down, they're looking at me like ready for this incredible idea.
00:01:31.680 And I'm going to come up with, I'm going to say, listen, are you, are you done with this?
00:01:34.980 I'm done with it.
00:01:35.600 I can't do it anymore.
00:01:36.700 Are you done with it?
00:01:37.540 I'm also done.
00:01:38.220 I can't, I can't deal with them anymore.
00:01:39.740 I just can't live with them anymore.
00:01:41.320 I said, oh, you can't live with them anymore?
00:01:42.400 No.
00:01:44.140 I said, so here's what I got to do.
00:01:45.680 It's going to be very expensive, but I'm willing to make the investment into it.
00:01:49.560 He says, what's that?
00:01:50.580 I said, there's these two great boarding schools.
00:01:53.620 One is in Seattle.
00:01:54.900 One is in New York.
00:01:55.580 By the way, I have no clue if there's a great boarding school in Seattle and New York.
00:01:58.680 I'm just telling them.
00:01:59.580 There's these two great boarding schools.
00:02:01.100 One's in Seattle, one in New York.
00:02:03.080 I have a solution on how to fix it.
00:02:05.000 It's going to cost me about $100,000 a year, but I want to propose it to you guys.
00:02:09.840 What's that, daddy?
00:02:10.500 What if Dylan, I send you to the boarding school in Seattle and Tico, I send you to the boarding
00:02:16.160 school in New York.
00:02:16.920 You guys don't see each other, but once a year, no stress.
00:02:20.860 You don't have to bother with these fights.
00:02:23.000 It's over with.
00:02:24.320 You don't deal with it.
00:02:25.320 You don't see each other.
00:02:26.580 Once a year, I fly you guys out for Christmas.
00:02:29.300 You'll be with me, mommy, family for a week.
00:02:31.960 And then you go back to your boarding school.
00:02:33.480 You don't have to deal with all these pestering, snitching stuff.
00:02:35.860 It's done.
00:02:37.020 So what do we do?
00:02:37.540 By the way, it's very expensive.
00:02:38.740 What should we do about it?
00:02:40.460 So I'm listening to these guys.
00:02:42.740 Look how creative my oldest son is.
00:02:44.460 My oldest son is, daddy, I don't think it's wise.
00:02:47.640 I said, what do you mean?
00:02:48.260 He says, why would you send both of us?
00:02:50.440 Just send him and save money on it and keep me home.
00:02:53.320 I'm like, this guy, he's so good with that.
00:02:55.400 He says, you don't have to send both.
00:02:56.960 Just send Dylan.
00:02:57.880 I'll stay home and we'll save that money.
00:02:59.340 I said, no, it's not going to be that.
00:03:01.600 Because if I want to do it, I want to send both of you guys.
00:03:03.680 No, I don't want that.
00:03:04.740 I said, do you want to go to the boarding school?
00:03:05.900 I don't want to go to the boarding.
00:03:06.800 Do you want to go to the, I don't want to go to the boarding school.
00:03:08.900 Wait, I thought you guys can't deal with each other anymore.
00:03:12.040 No, it's not like that.
00:03:13.260 It's just, we don't want to.
00:03:14.120 I said, why don't you go to boarding school?
00:03:15.240 We don't want to go.
00:03:16.660 Anyways, five minutes they're thinking about boarding school and they're thinking about
00:03:20.640 what it will look like.
00:03:21.220 I said, okay, if you don't want to do this, we got to figure out a solution because you
00:03:25.340 can't come to me with a problem every time.
00:03:26.880 By the way, some of you guys are saying, what's this all about?
00:03:29.500 If you're running a company and everybody constantly comes to you and bitching and complaining
00:03:33.920 about everything, they can't handle it together, you're not a leader.
00:03:36.740 You're somebody that's crippling everybody, right?
00:03:38.760 So watch what happened here.
00:03:40.300 I said, so if that's the case and you guys want to stay here, you guys got to figure out
00:03:44.520 a way to resolve issues together without coming up to me, mommy, and daddy every time screaming
00:03:47.880 about each other.
00:03:48.760 So what are we going to do?
00:03:50.300 So what do you not like that he does?
00:03:51.760 Well, I don't like the fact that every time I do something, he has to come and snitch
00:03:54.100 to you, daddy.
00:03:54.980 He said, well, I don't like the fact that you're pestering half the time.
00:03:57.440 Okay, so how do we solve this?
00:03:58.660 How about we break down levels of snitching? 1.00
00:04:01.020 When is it snitching?
00:04:02.580 And when is it you have to tell daddy and mommy because somebody's hurting themselves?
00:04:05.780 Well, daddy, if one of us does drugs, that's not snitching.
00:04:09.080 You have to tell mommy and daddy.
00:04:10.340 Okay, cool.
00:04:10.980 What else?
00:04:11.820 If one of us has got a girlfriend that's doing bad things and teaching us bad things and
00:04:15.460 taking us to bad areas, I think it's important for mommy and daddy to know.
00:04:18.620 Okay.
00:04:19.200 How about everything else?
00:04:20.540 I don't know.
00:04:21.080 If we do some small stuff here, we got to keep it ourselves.
00:04:23.260 Okay, cool.
00:04:23.880 So you guys are going to resolve it together?
00:04:25.040 Yes.
00:04:25.220 Just pestering.
00:04:27.280 Listen, you got to stop pestering because I don't like this.
00:04:29.200 Anyways, they're having this full-blown conversation together for 20 minutes and I'm just sitting
00:04:33.560 there listening to these guys.
00:04:35.400 Three hours later, I'm downstairs.
00:04:37.440 I come home.
00:04:38.380 I see Dylan running up to me.
00:04:40.120 And Dylan says, daddy, you won't believe.
00:04:42.000 I said, I'm sorry.
00:04:46.220 Okay.
00:04:48.020 Tico, you and I have to go have a conversation together.
00:04:51.080 And Tico looks at me.
00:04:52.220 He's like, okay, let's go.
00:04:55.220 I say, you guys want to go to the board?
00:04:56.720 No, no, no, no, no.
00:04:58.060 We'll handle it.
00:04:59.260 They go to the board and you hear, I'm listening to them.
00:05:01.580 So you did this.
00:05:02.400 I didn't like this.
00:05:03.460 Well, what are you going to change about?
00:05:04.320 I'm going to do this.
00:05:05.320 Okay.
00:05:05.560 Are we good?
00:05:06.020 We're good.
00:05:06.420 Shake hands.
00:05:07.100 And I run off real quick, said they don't see me.
00:05:08.960 Now they're doing that.
00:05:09.620 So what happened?
00:05:10.200 Here's the point.
00:05:11.600 When people come to me in my office and they complain about each other, here's the first
00:05:14.600 thing I ask.
00:05:15.220 I'll say, have you had the conversation with them yet?
00:05:17.020 No.
00:05:17.440 Why not?
00:05:18.500 I just haven't.
00:05:19.240 Are you expecting me to solve the problem that you're having with that other individual?
00:05:22.900 Well, no.
00:05:23.180 I just think you need to know.
00:05:24.820 Is this a problem you can get over?
00:05:26.940 I can't.
00:05:27.680 Then you got to bring it up.
00:05:29.080 Do I need to schedule the meeting between the two of you guys?
00:05:31.760 Or can you have the conversation?
00:05:33.040 Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:05:33.620 I'll have the conversation.
00:05:34.980 They leave.
00:05:35.980 Nine out of ten times, they never have the conversation.
00:05:38.780 I'll follow up a day later, two days later.
00:05:40.560 Did you have the conversation?
00:05:41.240 No, not yet.
00:05:42.240 Week, have you had the conversation?
00:05:43.020 No, not yet.
00:05:43.720 Then here's what I'll do.
00:05:44.460 Many, many times I'll do this.
00:05:46.260 I'll set up the meeting and I'll tell them, I want to meet with you at two o'clock.
00:05:49.120 And I'll tell him, I want to meet with you at two o'clock.
00:05:51.240 They both have a two o'clock meeting with me and they don't know about it.
00:05:53.860 They come in.
00:05:55.360 And I say, how are you doing?
00:05:56.580 Good.
00:05:56.960 Oh, am I?
00:05:57.960 I'm sorry.
00:05:59.100 No, no, you're fine.
00:05:59.800 Please grab a seat.
00:06:00.920 But I thought it's just, no, no, you also can grab a seat.
00:06:03.780 Okay, you guys are good.
00:06:04.860 Yeah, you guys are good?
00:06:05.900 Okay, I think you guys got to talk to each other.
00:06:07.320 I'm going to step outside.
00:06:08.640 I thought this meeting was with you.
00:06:09.900 No, this is actually a meeting between the two of you guys.
00:06:12.300 Let me explain to you why.
00:06:13.920 Every time you guys have issues, it comes to me.
00:06:16.700 And I'm done with it.
00:06:17.880 You guys got to learn how to resolve issues together.
00:06:20.800 When you're done, come get me.
00:06:22.620 And I want to come back in here to see how we can resolve this issue moving forward.
00:06:25.660 I'll step outside.
00:06:26.480 They'll come back 45 minutes.
00:06:27.520 Let's say, Patrick, you can come in.
00:06:28.280 Okay, so what's the resolution we came up with?
00:06:30.080 We figured it out.
00:06:31.420 Hug it out.
00:06:32.080 Good.
00:06:32.500 Okay, let's go take over the world, right?
00:06:34.140 The point is, if you don't challenge your peers to resolve conflicts amongst each other,
00:06:39.020 and every time they come to you, you're not building leaders.
00:06:41.420 You're building enablers.
00:06:43.260 You're not building people that can stand up on their own.
00:06:45.080 You're building leaners, not leaders.
00:06:46.760 It's a big difference, and it's purely based on your method of resolving issues with your organization.
00:06:51.920 So, if this boarding school story made sense to you, give it a thumbs up and subscribe to the channel.
00:06:56.900 Okay, so the video I want to recommend to you is the video I did on conflict resolution.
00:07:00.120 It's eight conflict resolutions for entrepreneurs.
00:07:01.940 If you've never watched it, click over here to watch it.
00:07:04.360 Have a great day.
00:07:05.180 Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye.