Valuetainment - Episode 185： Overcoming Insecurities - BetDavid Shares His 8 Step Formula

00:00:00.000 30 seconds. One time for the underdog. Ignition sequence start. Let me see you put them up. Reach the sky, touch the stars up above. Cause it's one time for the underdog. One time for the underdog.

00:00:17.300 I'm Patrick Bedevi, your host of Entertainment and today we're going to talk about how to overcome insecurities as an entrepreneur.

00:00:23.660 Listen, if there's one thing I can tell you is I see a lot of people that don't grow past a certain level because they have certain inner insecurities that nobody knows about.

00:00:31.540 Let me explain to you what insecurities are to you. You ever have that one dream, the nightmare that you read about in these dream books?

00:00:38.520 And this nightmare is the one that, you know, this bad guy's coming after you and no matter how much you try to move, you can't even move.

00:00:44.260 You know which one I'm talking about? Like you're trying to run, your legs don't move. It's almost as if they're glued to the ground, right?

00:00:48.600 You know what I'm saying? You ever had that nightmare before? So your insecurities are the glue.

00:00:54.800 If you don't address your insecurities, you don't feel you can get away from the nightmare and live your dreams.

00:01:01.580 In this episode, I'm going to speak to you about the different kind of insecurities we all have and how to address them.

00:01:11.360 So, you know, a lot of times we see somebody that's very successful and you say, oh my gosh, this guy must have zero insecurities.

00:01:17.140 He must be 100% confident. Look at the way he talks. Here's the reality of it.

00:01:22.120 There's not a single person in the world that doesn't have any insecurities.

00:01:26.220 Even the best looking Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling, whatever these actresses that you see, Margot Robbie, they all have certain insecurities. 0.72

00:01:34.700 Matter of fact, here's a weird thing to be thinking about.

00:01:37.020 Over the years, I've met a lot of beautiful women. 1.00

00:01:39.700 Some of the most insecure women I've met in my life were the hottest ones. 1.00

00:01:43.040 And by the way, I've partied with a lot of guys as well. We would go out and hang out with them.

00:01:47.140 Some of the most insecure men I've ever met were the best looking ones with beautiful bodies, nice faces, and they were still insecure.

00:01:55.680 There is a formula for it. If you don't address it, these things can haunt you and you can't even enjoy your life.

00:02:02.200 I'm going to talk to you about two different kinds of insecurities and a eight-step process on how to address your insecurities in this video.

00:02:09.020 So, first of all, let's address the two different kinds of insecurities that you may have.

00:02:12.000 Some of them are going to be physical and some of them are going to be emotional.

00:02:15.380 Believe it or not, we think it's the physical ones that have the most consequences in our lives, but it's actually the emotional ones.

00:02:23.560 So, let's have some fun for us and talk about the physical ones.

00:02:26.240 All right, so quick disclaimer before I get into this physical stuff.

00:02:28.660 Some of them I say is going to make you feel uncomfortable because it has to do with you.

00:02:34.080 So, if you're ready, I can go into it.

00:02:36.500 So, take a deep breath, let it out, and just brace yourself.

00:02:40.760 Here's some of the physical things that most of us are insecure with.

00:02:45.140 Hands. Some people don't like the size of their hands.

00:02:47.600 Stretch marks. Either you gain a lot of weight or you lost a lot of weight.

00:02:50.100 But you can get them on your chest, your thighs, your legs.

00:02:52.320 People don't like them.

00:02:53.620 Nose. A lot of people don't like the fact that they have a big nose.

00:02:57.060 I used to have a very big nose because I was very skinny so it looked even bigger.

00:03:01.500 It was something I struggled with when I was in high school.

00:03:04.200 Your skin. Your skin tone. Acne. Some people don't like their skin.

00:03:07.960 Some people don't like the color of their skin.

00:03:10.080 They wish they were whiter. They wish they were darker. 0.70

00:03:11.960 Body hair. Some people have a lot of body hair.

00:03:14.160 Wrinkles. Some people don't like the wrinkles on their face.

00:03:16.440 Private parts. Both men and women. 0.97

00:03:18.740 Listen, breast, butt, or your dangling. 1.00

00:03:21.160 There are some people that are very uncomfortable about their private parts. 0.98

00:03:24.360 Yes, I said dangling.

00:03:26.120 Body odor is another one. Some people smell funny.

00:03:28.520 They say, I wish I smelled different. People have told me I smell funny.

00:03:31.280 Teeth. I have that one tooth right in the bottom there that's crooked.

00:03:34.080 I wish it was straight, right?

00:03:35.840 Toes. Man, one of my toes is longer than the other one.

00:03:38.000 I'm embarrassed when I wear those open toes.

00:03:39.840 I wish that toe wasn't longer. Can't I just chop it up?

00:03:42.720 Just cut it off already, right? 0.91

00:03:44.560 My weight. Man, I'm too skinny. I'm too fat.

00:03:47.600 With a wheel. I wish I was 50 pounds lighter.

00:03:49.920 Man, my height. I'm too tall. I don't fit anywhere.

00:03:52.560 Man, I'm too short. I wish I was a little bit taller, right?

00:03:55.280 Baldness. I don't like this bald stuff. 0.99

00:03:57.120 Man, I know people say it's sexy. I wish I had hair.

00:03:59.520 That hairline, you know, that hairline keeps going back and forth.

00:04:02.160 I know LeBron James has a hairline as well, but man, I don't like my hairline.

00:04:05.280 I wish I didn't have a hairline.

00:04:06.640 Shoe size. Why am I a size 6?

00:04:09.600 Man, I wish I was a size 13 or 16.

00:04:13.120 I wish Shaq had a size 24. What if I had feet that big?

00:04:17.600 Okay, so you okay? Are you still taking a deep breath?

00:04:20.400 Or are you just laughing all over the place?

00:04:21.760 You're still thinking about the private parts stuff I talked about.

00:04:24.000 By the way, everybody has one of those, right? That you thought about.

00:04:26.960 Okay, as funny and as true as this may be, this is not even close to what's really holding you

00:04:33.840 back. It's the emotional stuff. So let's get into the emotional stuff.

00:04:37.360 So one of them is your upbringing. Listen, the way you were raised.

00:04:39.680 Maybe you're not happy with the fact that you were raised in a trailer home.

00:04:42.240 Or you're not happy about the fact that you grew up in a certain city. There were gangs. Maybe you

00:04:47.040 don't like the way your parents raised you. Your mom or your dad. Your dad abused you. Your mom

00:04:50.880 abused you. You know, your mom embarrasses you sometimes because of the faults she made. The 0.99

00:04:55.200 mistakes she made. Your dad, the same way. Maybe you're friends. Maybe you're not proud of your

00:04:58.880 friends. Maybe you're not proud of the fact that you don't have friends. Maybe you think all your

00:05:02.720 friends are having fun. They don't even want to be around you, right? Maybe your spouse, you're not happy

00:05:06.560 with the person you married. Maybe you don't even have a spouse. You wish you had a spouse. Everybody else has a

00:05:10.720 boyfriend. Everybody else has a girlfriend, but you don't. And you feel, maybe I'm not good enough.

00:05:14.320 You know, maybe I'm not good enough for somebody. Your kids, your family, your nationality. I wish I 1.00

00:05:19.360 was white. I wish I was Hispanic. I wish I was black. You wish you were something else. Your past. You did 0.98

00:05:25.920 some stuff in the past you're embarrassed of. You have some past failures. A bad breakup. A bad divorce.

00:05:31.120 A past mistake that is absolutely embarrassing that if people found out about it, you'd want to find the

00:05:36.320 smallest hole and go hide in it, right? Social anxiety from not wanting to be around

00:05:40.560 a lot of people. You like to be by yourself. You're afraid when there's a lot of people. There's a big

00:05:44.080 crowd. Maybe you remember certain words said to you by your loved ones. Maybe your mom, dad, husband,

00:05:48.560 wife, ex, any of that. Some of these things maybe you relate to. Somebody told you you're stupid.

00:05:53.360 You're ugly. You're short. You're slow. You're worthless. You're fat. No one will ever love you. 1.00

00:05:59.280 No one would ever marry you. You'll never amount to anything. You'll never be able to stop drinking.

00:06:05.040 You'll never be anything in your life. Maybe it isn't some of the words. Maybe you had somebody in your

00:06:09.920 life that was a perfectionist, a father, a mother that wanted you to win and do everything right.

00:06:14.000 Maybe you had a coach, a boss, somebody that expected so much from you. You feel like you

00:06:18.640 can't move because your standards are perfection. You feel like you have to do everything perfectly

00:06:23.440 right or else you're not worth it. These are some of the things that people struggle with on the

00:06:29.760 emotional side. Maybe even you're watching this right now. You're telling yourself, man, these are some

00:06:33.840 of the things I've dealt with. And let me tell you, it hurts me. It scarred me. It's difficult to even

00:06:38.080 listen to it. I understand, but you are not alone. We all have them. We all have physical. We all have

00:06:44.960 emotional. And you have to sit down at one point and address them in order to put it behind you

00:06:50.240 so you can move on and live the life that you want to live. So if you're listening to this stuff and

00:06:53.760 you're telling yourself, Pat, this is painful, man. I relate to some of this stuff. Yeah, that hurt me.

00:06:58.400 My mom did say something like that. My dad did say something like that. I feel like you have to be

00:07:02.240 perfect. You don't know the way I was raised. I understand. Here's the reality. I have insecurities.

00:07:09.440 Some are physical. Some are emotional. You have insecurities. Some are physical. Some are emotional.

00:07:16.400 No one's going to be insecurity 100% free. Everyone's going to have a little bit of it.

00:07:21.680 But you've got to address it. And if you keep hiding it and not addressing it, life ain't going to change

00:07:26.560 much for you. So hopefully in this video, you're actually going to follow some of these formulas that I'm

00:07:31.280 going to give to you and start questioning some of these things and see if we can get rid of some

00:07:35.680 of them and fix some of them. Fair enough? Having said that, let's get to the next part of this video.

00:07:40.080 Number one. So you just heard me make a list of insecurities, both physical and emotional.

00:07:44.080 Some of you may say, well, I relate to this one, a little bit of this for me, all this other stuff.

00:07:48.320 No matter what it is that you have, the first thing you need to do to address your insecurities

00:07:52.000 is actually make a list of them. Literally make a list of them. I've been told I'm ugly. I've been told I'm short.

00:07:59.360 I've been told, whatever it is, make a list. Your list. Write them down.

00:08:03.520 Okay? Once you do that, you've got to ask yourself three questions about each one of them.

00:08:08.960 Here's how simple the questions are. Number one, is it true? Number two, is it partially true?

00:08:16.240 Number three, is it absolutely wrong? Okay? Once you answer that about each one of them,

00:08:22.800 then you have the next thing to answer. Okay? Here's what the next thing is.

00:08:26.560 Can I permanently fix it? Two, can I partially improve it? Three, there's nothing I can do about

00:08:34.160 it. For instance, you've been told you have bad skin. So you say, yes, it's partially true. 0.98

00:08:40.640 Can you do anything about it? Yes, I can improve it. But I can't permanently get rid of it. Great.

00:08:45.840 Now you have something that you can improve. But if somebody tells you, I've been told I'm short.

00:08:51.280 Okay? How tall are you? 5'3". Can you improve your height? No. That's not changing. Okay?

00:08:58.000 Number two, you have to make a list of the insecurities that you cannot change and you

00:09:03.040 have to accept yourself. Newsflash. You are going to have some things in your body and your height

00:09:08.400 and your emotional side that there's nothing you can do about. Period. There are certain things

00:09:13.280 physically you're not going to be able to change. Maybe you're bald. You can have implants. But height,

00:09:17.440 you can't do nothing about shoe size. You can't do nothing about hand size. You can't do nothing about...

00:09:21.040 There are a lot of things you can do nothing about. And sometimes the biggest challenge is to be able

00:09:24.960 to address that and say, listen, I have to accept this. It's fine. Everybody's born with certain

00:09:29.040 flaws and certain insecurities. I'm moving on. That's step number two. Number three. Okay,

00:09:33.280 so if you're saying, well, Pat, I have a hard time accepting some of these. You got to do them.

00:09:37.040 Because number three isn't any easier either. Number three is forgiveness. And here's what I mean by forgiveness.

00:09:41.840 I'm not trying to be the spiritual leader for you and get up here and say, you got to forgive. I'm not.

00:09:46.560 It's not the easiest thing to do in life. It's very hard to do. But you're not necessarily

00:09:50.720 forgiven for the other person. You're forgiven for yourself. You have to understand that your

00:09:53.920 parents are not perfect. You don't know what your mom and dad were going through that day

00:09:57.040 when they told you what they were telling you. You have no idea what your ex was going through.

00:10:00.000 Maybe they were hurting. A lot of times you hear the saying, the person that's hurting is hurting,

00:10:03.840 right? The person who hurts is hurting, like internally. You don't know what that person is going

00:10:08.800 through. So you have to yourself and say, listen, I forgive him. I forgive her. It's all good. I'm going to move on.

00:10:13.440 Why? Because one day you're going to hope somebody forgives you as well. So step number three is

00:10:18.000 actually telling yourself, I am willing to forgive this individual. Number four. So listen, the next

00:10:23.440 one may sound hokey to you, but it works. And that's your affirmations, daily affirmations.

00:10:27.280 The other day I was in the garage and I was going through a bunch of different things. I found these

00:10:30.560 boxes. And all of a sudden I found one of these boxes. I said, wait a minute, what is this here?

00:10:35.120 This is my affirmation from 2002. You can see all the blemishes on the side. This was on my shower

00:10:43.120 wall. And I would read it nonstop loud all the time. You know why affirmations are necessary for

00:10:48.560 some people? You ever hear some people that are very confident, comfortable in their skin,

00:10:52.560 and they'll say things like, oh, when I was growing up, my mother told me how amazing I was,

00:10:56.640 she loved me, my dad loved me. And even some motivational speakers will say, my parents love me,

00:11:00.800 my mother loved me. That's not everybody. Not every culture is like that, and not everybody

00:11:05.520 had a parent that raised them that way, right? If you don't, you need to have some affirmations.

00:11:10.160 These are some of the ones I had. Look at the last one that I have here, by the way. Here's the last

00:11:13.840 one that I have. Don't you want to retire your dad? Buy yourself a house. Become debt-free. Make

00:11:20.480 the story builders, it's the first company I've ever built. It was in 2001. Make the story builders a

00:11:26.400 company that made the biggest difference and become a great example to others who would want to model

00:11:30.720 you. Build the best school in the country where the students learn to become great leaders at a

00:11:35.040 younger age. I wrote this in 2001. Drive your Ferrari, go visit your horses at the stable,

00:11:39.680 have a bunch of pets at your house, have a beautiful white tiger, great family, great spiritual life,

00:11:44.080 many kids, and be able to live all your dreams. Then you got to get off your ass and get after. 1.00

00:11:48.800 That's my last affirmation. By the way, every one of them had to do with something I had to work on 1.00

00:11:53.600 at that time. Every one of my affirmations. Here's another one that I created. I created this in 2007,

00:11:58.560 2008. I will personally do my best to make all decisions with the core foundation of integrity.

00:12:04.720 When making decisions, keep this in mind. Emotions high, intelligence slow. Number two,

00:12:08.480 focus on my strengths rather than my weaknesses. Number three, not be afraid of taking risks and

00:12:12.320 facing my fears. Number four, embrace confrontation and adversity rather than ignoring it. Number five,

00:12:17.040 share my vision with the people around me at all times. I mean, you get the idea. These are things

00:12:20.640 that matter to me at that point in my life. So your affirmations change as you grow up into the next

00:12:27.040 level of your life. The next ones that I have right now is two, three pages. It's completely different

00:12:32.080 than this one or this one. But affirmations work. Stop putting it aside and letting all the other

00:12:38.080 hokey people do it and let their dreams become a reality. Rather, you test it for a year and see

00:12:44.480 how it works. I promise you, you're from now, you won't recognize yourself. Number five. All right,

00:12:49.120 here's another one that's pretty simple and it's effective. You've heard a million different times,

00:12:52.240 but you got to do it. That's gratitude. You got to sit there and make a list of things you're grateful for.

00:12:55.520 Literally, take a sheet of paper and make a list of things you're grateful for. Family, mom, dad,

00:13:00.960 live in America, live in my country. I live 30 minutes away from the beach. Whatever it is,

00:13:05.040 when you make a list, every single time you do this exercise, no matter how much insecurities

00:13:09.200 you're having, how many fears you're having, how many concerns you're having, somehow, someway,

00:13:12.880 this exercise about gratitude always gives you peace. Number six. So look, the next thing you got

00:13:17.840 to do is you got to figure out a way to increase your internal value. What do I mean by internal value?

00:13:22.160 As hot as you may be right now, you ain't going to be hot like this for the rest of your life.

00:13:25.280 You can be a 75 year old good looking person still for a 75 year old,

00:13:29.680 but a 75 year old isn't going to be better looking than a 22 year old good looking person, right?

00:13:34.240 However, a 75 year old with a lot of internal value is emotionally attractive to the world.

00:13:41.600 So work on increasing your internal value. What do I mean by this? There are typically,

00:13:46.960 you've heard of Maslow's law where he says all these different needs you have. You have a need for this,

00:13:51.360 you have a need for that. Let me just simplify in a basic way for you to be thinking about it.

00:13:54.960 We have a law. We have a need for connection. We have a need for connection. What do I mean by

00:14:00.320 connection? Love. This could be friendship. We need friends. We need companions. Somebody we build a

00:14:05.840 family with. Somebody we build a life with, right? Interaction. We need that. There's a need for that.

00:14:10.960 Another one that you need is a career. Like, I am valuable. I am valuable in a marketplace. I know how to do

00:14:17.360 X, Y, Z, and people count on me to do X, Y, Z. That increases my value because I'm an expert in an

00:14:24.560 area, right? Then there is spiritual value that you increase. Spiritual value, whatever your faith may

00:14:29.680 be, right? It could be a religion. It could be a prayer. It could be meditation. It could be a

00:14:34.400 complete different thing, but you got to have spiritual. Why? You see, this right here with your

00:14:39.520 friends, family, loved ones, this is human interaction. You're with them. Your career, you're with people.

00:14:46.000 Spiritual, you got to figure out a way to get along with yourself when your friends and family are not

00:14:51.520 around and when your co-workers are not around. That's spiritual connection. There's got to be a

00:14:55.840 game plan for that. If you don't have that and you always have to be around people to be happy,

00:15:01.200 and you have the sense of insecurity, you're generally not going to be at peace for too long.

00:15:05.040 So what could be the game plan? You may say, Pat, how can I have a game plan for friends, family,

00:15:08.400 and loved ones? Very simple. Have a game plan. What do you want to look for in a spouse? Actually be clear

00:15:13.760 about what you want, right? And who do I have to be to get this partner? Who do I have to be to have

00:15:18.640 a partner and have a connection like this? What kind of friends do you want to have? What kind of

00:15:22.160 friends do I need to be to have a friend like that? You got to go through that process on this side to

00:15:26.960 have connection with people. Where do I need to put myself? Maybe I'm too timid. Maybe I put myself,

00:15:31.040 maybe I need to start talking to people. I don't talk a lot. I don't ask questions. I'm just so shy.

00:15:35.120 I make other people feel uncomfortable. So maybe I'm going to start asking people more questions and getting to know

00:15:39.440 them and put myself out there. But there's got to be a game plan here. The other side, career-wise,

00:15:44.000 I have a career, but I'm not really playing that much offense. Well, what do you need to put yourself

00:15:47.920 out there? Maybe you need to learn three more new skills. You may need to be a little bit more

00:15:51.440 assertive about yourself. And next time somebody says, who wants to take this responsibility? I'll try.

00:15:56.480 Put yourself out there. Put yourself out there where someone's going to say, this guy came through,

00:16:00.000 she came through. But you're improving also on your career side. Spiritual side, start seeking.

00:16:05.840 Read some books. Read some spiritual books. Maybe pick up a book that talks about every

00:16:10.240 single one of the religions and see what makes sense to you. Talk about it a little bit. Pray

00:16:15.040 about it. Meditate about it. Go take yoga. I don't know. But have a game plan for each one of these

00:16:19.920 things to advance in your life. Because when you do that, you increase your value internally,

00:16:25.360 and slowly but surely, you start becoming more and more confident and your insecurities go away.

00:16:30.160 Number seven. So we just talked about it. You've got to figure out a way to increase your value

00:16:33.680 internally, right? You've also got to figure out a way to increase your value externally. What do

00:16:37.040 I mean by that? You've got skin issues? Put a game plan. Go sit with somebody and see what they're

00:16:41.760 going to tell you about improving your skin. You're out of shape? Get in shape. You don't feel good

00:16:45.920 about the way you look? Do so. You don't like the way you dress? Figure out a way how to dress.

00:16:49.840 Maybe go talk to somebody. Read books on it. But somehow, someway, also try to figure out a way.

00:16:55.600 Maybe you're not physically going to be a 10. I mean, in reality, who is a 10? Maybe you're currently a 4,

00:17:01.600 but you can at least take yourself to a 7.5. What's that game plan? Figure out a way to improve

00:17:06.320 your diet, your health, your life, your exercise, your energy, all of that stuff. So put a game plan

00:17:12.400 also for external value. Number eight. Okay, so the last thing you've got to do is not an easy one

00:17:17.520 to do, and that's why I left it last. Here's what it is. You've got to sit together with a trusted mentor

00:17:23.280 who's not afraid of telling you the truth. Not a jerk, but it's not afraid of telling the truth. 0.98

00:17:28.320 It's not afraid of telling you you're full of it. They're not afraid of telling you you're overthinking it. 0.98

00:17:32.080 They're not afraid of telling you, why are you worried about this? They're not afraid of telling

00:17:34.960 you, listen, you think you're good in this? You're really not. Don't think too much about this.

00:17:39.440 It's okay. This is the area you want to improve in. But you need somebody to sit with that's a

00:17:44.400 trusted mentor, that understands your insecurities, that's willing to be gentle with you, yet is willing

00:17:49.360 to be honest with you. And from there, you walk out and you say, wow, this is great. I've got a game plan to go out there and address my insecurities.

00:17:55.920 And that whole nightmare thing I told you about where you're glued because of your insecurities,

00:17:59.360 you can finally remove your legs and run away and go live the dream life that you want to live.

00:18:03.360 Thanks, everybody, for listening. And by the way, if you haven't already subscribed to Valuetainment on

00:18:07.280 iTunes, please do so. Give us a five-star. Write a review if you haven't already. And if you have any

00:18:12.880 questions for me that you may have, you can always find me on Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube. Just

00:18:18.480 search my name, Patrick MidDavid. And I actually do respond back when you snap me or send me a message

00:18:24.240 on Instagram. With that being said, have a great day today. Take care, everybody. Bye-bye.

Valuetainment - October 10, 2018

Episode 185： Overcoming Insecurities - BetDavid Shares His 8 Step Formula

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