Valuetainment - Episode 316 - How To Deal With Divas In Business

00:00:01.000 30 seconds, one time for the underdog, ignition sequence start, let me see you put em up, reach

00:00:09.240 the sky, touch the stars up above, cause it's one time for the underdog, one time for the

00:00:16.220 underdog.

00:00:17.300 I'm Patrick Biddy, your host of ITM, and today we have an interesting topic.

00:00:20.240 You ever work with divas in business? 1.00

00:00:22.160 You know how some call them narcissists, or some call them a lot of different names.

00:00:25.860 Today we're going to talk about how to work with these divas in a work environment. 1.00

00:00:28.760 Is it a good thing?

00:00:29.580 Should you work with them, should you not?

00:00:31.000 We're going to talk about it today.

00:00:32.140 So let's get right into them.

00:00:33.260 Step number one, let's define what a diva is. 1.00

00:00:35.420 A diva is someone who thinks very highly of themselves, has a dark side they're not aware

00:00:41.720 of all the time, they want a ton of attention, a diva is a pain in the butt at times, has 1.00

00:00:47.920 deep insecurities with a point to prove, bullies but never thinks they bully, could be passive

00:00:54.440 aggressive at times, is willing to do whatever it takes for attention, loves taking credit

00:01:00.060 for others' ideas, deflects mistakes and blames others, never wants to take responsibility,

00:01:06.460 I didn't do it with somebody else who did it, feels entitled, demands a different kind of

00:01:11.580 treatment, and last but not least is more about themselves than the team.

00:01:15.520 Now, if you're listening to this, you're probably thinking about a few different names saying,

00:01:19.360 oh my gosh, Bobby's like this, Mary's like this, Cindy's like this, I'm like this, I hope

00:01:23.880 nobody knows about this.

00:01:25.220 Here's the thing, if you are one of these, or if somebody on your team is one of these,

00:01:30.080 why would anybody want to deal with divas like this? 1.00

00:01:32.500 I mean, is Kobe a diva?

00:01:34.540 Is Michael Jordan a diva?

00:01:36.500 You know, is Westbrook a diva?

00:01:38.000 Maybe Billy Donovan doesn't know how to lead my, are all these guys divas?

00:01:41.820 How do you deal with these divas? 1.00

00:01:43.080 The reason why people, owners, CEOs, executives, leaders, sales leaders are willing to tolerate

00:01:49.420 these divas is because the return is so high that it helps you experience massive success.

00:01:56.040 So now, this is why I tolerate divas. 1.00

00:01:58.360 However, some of you guys are saying, yes, I wish my boss would understand that I'm a

00:02:02.220 real diva, and he just doesn't know how to work with me.

00:02:04.800 Now, hang tight, hang tight.

00:02:06.680 There's good news, there's bad news.

00:02:07.820 You may not be a real diva, because there's also annoying divas. 1.00

00:02:10.980 Annoying divas are those who want respect, but don't deserve it. 1.00

00:02:15.180 They are secretly very lazy, hypocrites, unreliable, disrespectful, and not trustworthy.

00:02:21.340 Don't take this as this.

00:02:23.920 These guys are willing to work their tails off.

00:02:26.620 These guys are willing to get after it.

00:02:29.000 These guys you can rely on.

00:02:30.540 These guys you can work with.

00:02:32.160 These are real divas. 0.91

00:02:33.560 They're just difficult.

00:02:35.100 So why do you deal with them?

00:02:36.200 Now, here's the thing.

00:02:37.260 If you know how to lead divas, they'll make you. 1.00

00:02:40.940 If you are trying to learn how to lead divas, they'll slow you down, because you don't really

00:02:45.020 know.

00:02:45.220 You're like second guessing yourself.

00:02:46.340 Yes, maybe.

00:02:46.880 I don't know.

00:02:47.720 Ah, maybe I did the right thing.

00:02:48.860 Maybe I didn't do the right thing.

00:02:49.660 It's going to slow you down.

00:02:50.300 And if you don't know how to lead divas, they're going to break you, because you're going to

00:02:55.100 worry about your insecurities, and they'll eventually leave to another person who knows

00:02:58.340 how to handle them.

00:02:59.640 Now, does this mean that you give in to the diva all the time?

00:03:04.040 Does this mean that, oh my gosh, do I just do everything they want me to do?

00:03:08.620 Absolutely not.

00:03:09.740 That's not the case.

00:03:10.580 I'm going to talk about what you do with the divas. 1.00

00:03:12.400 Absolutely not.

00:03:13.700 I've had divas that I work with in sales. 1.00

00:03:15.940 I've had divas I work with with partners, employees, executives, investors, board members.

00:03:23.280 I mean, I can go on and on and on with people in divas.

00:03:25.740 Divas come in many different forms and many different departments and many different companies.

00:03:29.500 I've dealt with a carrier, multi-billion dollar company, where the main relationship that

00:03:34.000 we had a contract with was a diva.

00:03:36.160 So sensitive.

00:03:37.220 You always have to throw in how amazing this person was, and at the same time, you have

00:03:41.200 to take it away from it.

00:03:42.080 It was like a very weird relationship.

00:03:44.240 It was a bipolar relationship when you were dealing with this person.

00:03:47.140 One day they're happy, one day they're not, because they needed it.

00:03:49.380 Now, you may say, why would you deal with a company like that?

00:03:51.720 I don't have a choice.

00:03:52.960 That's the partner.

00:03:54.080 You have to deal with that personality at that time.

00:03:56.040 If you don't know, you're going to lose that relationship, so you've got to go back and

00:03:59.080 forth.

00:03:59.460 Let's continue.

00:04:00.700 The goal with a leader, leading divas, okay? 0.85

00:04:03.660 A diva comes in, it's all about what? 1.00

00:04:05.580 Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

00:04:06.720 Do you know who I am?

00:04:08.000 Do you know how special I am?

00:04:09.300 Do you know what I'm going to do to your company?

00:04:10.900 Do you know where your company is going to go now you've found somebody like me?

00:04:13.320 I'm going to change everything.

00:04:14.560 I'm going to make you so rich.

00:04:15.740 I am so amazing.

00:04:16.760 We're going to go straight to the top because of me.

00:04:19.580 Me, me, me, me, me.

00:04:21.160 And they're undermining everybody on their team, okay?

00:04:24.380 They're undermining, undermining, undermining everybody on their team.

00:04:26.600 Your goal as a leader is to help them with perspective and helping it be their ideas and sometimes

00:04:33.240 having very serious conversations with them, getting to the point of the middle here, which

00:04:37.540 is the equilibrium, okay?

00:04:39.300 Where they're still shining and they're still team.

00:04:43.240 They're starting to realize, hey, diva, listen, you can be here, but you ain't going to be

00:04:48.480 here all by yourself.

00:04:49.660 These are the people that you undermine.

00:04:51.440 Every time you take credit away from that person that did it, every single time you don't

00:04:54.780 give credit to that person, every single time you do something wrong and you blame this

00:04:58.100 person, every single time you do it, they get a scar.

00:05:00.280 They get a scar.

00:05:00.900 They get a scar.

00:05:01.580 And you're distancing yourself.

00:05:03.740 You've got to bring them up here so they want to run with you.

00:05:06.740 Because if we go here, you're going to get all the accolades you want.

00:05:10.220 But the team is also going to make you look good together.

00:05:12.300 So they win you and do you want to get there?

00:05:14.700 So selfishly, they have to be painted a picture about, here's what you can have one day if you

00:05:19.520 know how to pull your team up.

00:05:21.180 Oh, I got it.

00:05:22.360 So you're trying to make them less and less and less selfish.

00:05:25.560 Now, say you don't know how to deal with them.

00:05:27.580 What are they going to do to you?

00:05:28.400 Let me explain to you what they're very good at.

00:05:29.680 They'll bully you.

00:05:30.820 They will threaten you to leave you.

00:05:32.840 If you don't do this, I'm leaving all the time.

00:05:35.340 They will threaten you.

00:05:36.340 It's like dating a girl that every other day wants to break up with you.

00:05:39.320 They'll threaten you.

00:05:40.440 They'll exploit you.

00:05:41.460 They'll play games with you.

00:05:42.460 They'll manipulate you.

00:05:43.220 They're masters at doing that.

00:05:44.980 Because their entire lives, they've gotten things their own way.

00:05:48.480 Their entire lives, they've gotten things their own way.

00:05:51.400 Now, how do you deal with divas? 1.00

00:05:53.440 Let's talk about that.

00:05:54.280 What do they like?

00:05:55.080 What do they want?

00:05:55.820 What do they value when you work?

00:05:57.200 Why does a diva eventually say, I'm willing to work with this person here. 0.99

00:06:00.440 Why?

00:06:01.280 Well, why was it that Kobe Bryant, the first few times he played with Phil Jackson, is

00:06:04.260 like, listen, I can't stand this guy.

00:06:06.240 He goes to Jerry Buss.

00:06:07.200 We got to get rid of Phil Jackson.

00:06:09.040 Because Phil pushed him.

00:06:10.340 Right?

00:06:10.920 And Phil leaves.

00:06:11.840 Then Kobe doesn't win any championships.

00:06:14.560 Kobe asked Phil to come back.

00:06:16.840 Then he wins two more championships.

00:06:18.180 Jordan's won six championships, all with Phil Jackson.

00:06:21.120 Kobe's won five championships, all with Phil Jackson.

00:06:23.700 Why?

00:06:23.920 Because Phil knew how to deal with divas in his team.

00:06:28.180 And Kobe finally matured to realize, if I want to get here, that's the one guy that knows

00:06:32.960 how to get the best out of me.

00:06:33.880 So watch this.

00:06:34.760 Okay?

00:06:34.960 Watch this.

00:06:36.300 What true divas value? 1.00

00:06:37.780 Number one is trust.

00:06:39.540 The moment a diva knows that they can trust you, you gain points with them.

00:06:44.600 They're like, okay, this is good.

00:06:45.660 I trust this person.

00:06:46.320 It's a safe person.

00:06:47.720 It's a safe place.

00:06:48.740 Because typically divas are the way they are. 0.64

00:06:51.020 Because someone in their lives did something to them.

00:06:53.700 That they have this insecurity that they don't trust.

00:06:56.500 If you get trust, they're in.

00:06:58.480 You're in with them.

00:06:59.500 But you can't play with this game of trust.

00:07:01.220 It has to be real trust.

00:07:02.680 But you're in with them.

00:07:03.360 They like that.

00:07:03.880 That's value to them.

00:07:04.640 Respect.

00:07:05.520 You got to give them respect.

00:07:06.780 Okay?

00:07:07.020 The respect's got to be consistent.

00:07:08.780 So they're seeing it.

00:07:09.660 We're saying, this guy actually respects me.

00:07:11.240 He's listening to me.

00:07:12.360 Next.

00:07:13.620 Consistency.

00:07:13.980 You can't be in, out.

00:07:15.780 Sometimes these guys that were divas had a very inconsistent parent.

00:07:19.820 Mother wasn't in the picture.

00:07:21.000 In, out.

00:07:21.520 In, out.

00:07:22.080 In, out.

00:07:22.520 Dad wasn't in the picture.

00:07:23.420 Would come, would leave.

00:07:23.980 Would come, would leave.

00:07:25.140 An ex hurt them.

00:07:26.520 A coach hurt them.

00:07:27.920 A brother.

00:07:28.540 A sibling.

00:07:29.060 Somebody did something to them to become divas. 1.00

00:07:30.960 Listen, let me simplify it for you.

00:07:32.660 All of us have some screwed up history in our family.

00:07:35.600 Including myself.

00:07:37.400 Divas typically have something that poke them. 1.00

00:07:40.260 Right?

00:07:40.520 Poke them.

00:07:40.900 So they like somebody to be consistent with them.

00:07:44.200 Because they typically haven't had that in their lives.

00:07:46.580 Number four.

00:07:47.080 Reliable.

00:07:47.680 Very important to them.

00:07:49.200 Very, very important to them.

00:07:50.320 Here's what's crazy about them.

00:07:52.080 They want you to understand that at one point, they may not be reliable to you, but they still

00:07:55.880 want you to be reliable to them.

00:07:57.520 But then if eventually you consistently stay reliable to them, they kind of feel like,

00:08:01.840 Dang, I'm probably not going to find somebody like this again.

00:08:04.560 I am going to run with this person, and I'm no longer going to be a diva to this person.

00:08:08.460 Because he's graduated.

00:08:09.620 He's earned my trust.

00:08:11.360 Reliability.

00:08:12.020 Respect.

00:08:12.740 Consistency.

00:08:13.180 I'm good with this person here.

00:08:15.000 Tolerance.

00:08:15.460 Can you tolerate them?

00:08:16.580 Having their back when they hit rock bottom.

00:08:18.980 So many times, divas are going to break things. 1.00

00:08:21.260 Because that's divas. 1.00

00:08:22.140 They break things.

00:08:22.720 They go places.

00:08:23.240 Break.

00:08:23.520 Break.

00:08:23.760 Break.

00:08:23.960 Break.

00:08:24.060 Break.

00:08:24.220 Break.

00:08:24.280 Break.

00:08:24.620 They break things.

00:08:25.520 Right?

00:08:26.100 Because they're not just with you in the workplace.

00:08:27.860 They're going home to somebody.

00:08:29.500 They're going home to family.

00:08:30.480 They're going home to friends, cars, partying, women, men.

00:08:35.080 So they're typically breaking things.

00:08:36.640 So something's going to happen.

00:08:38.360 And you've got to be there for them.

00:08:39.440 When you're there for them, when they hit rock bottom, they say,

00:08:42.300 You know what?

00:08:43.220 I appreciate that.

00:08:44.660 Tiger hit rock bottom.

00:08:46.280 Phil Knight stayed with them.

00:08:47.880 Phil Knight stays with Tiger for Nike.

00:08:50.260 Everybody says, What is he doing?

00:08:52.280 You know, all these other guys dropped Michael Phelps.

00:08:54.920 Why is Phil Knight staying with them?

00:08:56.660 Tiger wins the Masters.

00:08:57.800 The day Tiger won Masters, Phil Knight's net worth went up $335 million.

00:09:03.100 One day, what happened?

00:09:04.920 Because Tiger said, Oh my gosh, this guy's got my back.

00:09:09.140 Everybody said Nike should drop me.

00:09:11.220 He didn't.

00:09:12.280 I owe it to this guy.

00:09:13.700 He won a Masters.

00:09:15.360 He worked all these years and he brought back one to Nike.

00:09:18.440 And last but not least, let me give you the last one here.

00:09:20.700 Last one's a little weird, but you'll understand what this means.

00:09:23.340 Divas want to work with somebody that is not afraid of them. 1.00

00:09:28.480 I remember I recruited a guy in the company.

00:09:30.600 They're my number one owners in the company.

00:09:31.740 If they're watching this, they'll remember this story.

00:09:33.800 I was in Chicago when I first recruited them.

00:09:35.960 This guy had his own TV show, all this other stuff.

00:09:37.980 We're in the car.

00:09:38.780 It's 2 o'clock in the morning.

00:09:39.680 I said, Look, I want you to know something.

00:09:40.720 I like you a lot.

00:09:42.540 I know your resume.

00:09:43.680 I know you've done a lot of great things.

00:09:45.080 But I want you to know something.

00:09:46.120 I'm not afraid of you.

00:09:47.640 Like, I'm not afraid of who you are, your resume, any of that stuff.

00:09:51.040 That doesn't impress me.

00:09:52.400 I know this business very well.

00:09:54.100 I know how to lead people like you.

00:09:55.640 If you're willing to listen, I can direct you to success.

00:09:58.640 But only if you're willing to.

00:09:59.560 If you're not, you can go find somebody else.

00:10:01.200 But I actually know what I'm doing and I'm not afraid of you.

00:10:03.280 What do you think about that?

00:10:04.040 Are you comfortable with that?

00:10:05.240 Yes.

00:10:06.540 I had another guy at the beginning stages of running a business bullied me.

00:10:09.860 And he was like, Because I needed him.

00:10:12.780 And he knew I needed him.

00:10:13.880 So he bullied me a lot.

00:10:15.540 And I didn't have leverage.

00:10:17.280 So he would go.

00:10:18.920 And let's just, if I'm having a conversation with him, he was trying to push to see, test

00:10:22.120 me if I could handle him or not.

00:10:23.660 And one time, I would always call him and say, Hey, we've got to work this out.

00:10:26.280 He was one of my best sales guys.

00:10:27.940 He says, He would be on the phone like passive aggressive.

00:10:30.580 Yeah, whatever.

00:10:31.280 Okay, I've got to go.

00:10:32.520 I'm busy.

00:10:32.940 How much longer do we need here?

00:10:34.080 Always would pull one of those stuff off, right?

00:10:35.860 With me.

00:10:36.900 And then one day, he was doing this, doing this, doing this, doing this.

00:10:38.780 And one day, finally, here's my line.

00:10:40.400 I have a line.

00:10:41.100 You cross this line with me, we have a problem.

00:10:43.140 I'm a very forgiving guy.

00:10:44.240 I'm very comfortable.

00:10:45.240 I'm easy going.

00:10:46.500 But if you cross the line and you go through the phase of not realizing the level of gratitude,

00:10:50.920 trust, all this stuff I've already given you, so I already have credibility with you on

00:10:54.580 all this stuff.

00:10:55.600 Not at the beginning.

00:10:56.560 I'm tolerant at the beginning.

00:10:57.640 But if you have already experienced this, then you don't tolerate it.

00:11:01.100 Then it's like, listen.

00:11:02.840 He said to me one time on a call, he said, I just want you to know, we both know who calls

00:11:07.500 back first.

00:11:09.320 I said, what do you mean?

00:11:10.280 We both know.

00:11:11.000 Now, if we go a week, two weeks without calling, you know I'm not going to call you.

00:11:14.340 You're going to be the first person to call me.

00:11:16.440 I said, wow, interesting.

00:11:18.000 We both know I'm not going to call you.

00:11:20.060 You know it.

00:11:20.900 I'm stronger in that than you.

00:11:22.980 I said, okay, perfect.

00:11:24.040 Wow.

00:11:25.120 Perfect diva.

00:11:26.600 You know how long came until I called him?

00:11:29.240 Ready?

00:11:29.620 That's 10.

00:11:30.320 That's seven more.

00:11:31.920 17 months.

00:11:33.480 17 months.

00:11:34.020 He was in his mid-20s.

00:11:34.880 I said, this guy's got to mature.

00:11:36.640 Then eventually he called me.

00:11:38.180 We sat down.

00:11:39.400 And for three hours, I pointed every single thing about him out, how selfish he was.

00:11:44.480 And I told him, I'm not afraid if you want to leave.

00:11:46.700 I mean, I'm not playing your games.

00:11:48.440 I said, you're selfish.

00:11:49.180 You're all about you.

00:11:49.780 What do you want to do?

00:11:50.660 And we talked.

00:11:52.740 You know how the conversation had taken place?

00:11:54.940 I got a beautifully written letter.

00:11:56.780 I love this guy.

00:11:57.660 He's family.

00:11:58.820 But we had to go through that.

00:12:00.280 Because he needed to realize, this dude is not afraid of you.

00:12:03.200 Our relationship today is phenomenal.

00:12:04.860 But we had to go through it.

00:12:06.260 Sometimes, leaders have divas on their team, but they're so afraid of losing divas, that 1.00

00:12:11.800 they end up losing divas. 1.00

00:12:13.740 I don't know if that makes any sense.

00:12:15.180 Like, oh my gosh, I used to date a girl. 0.97

00:12:18.220 Drop that gorgeous girl. 1.00

00:12:19.680 I mean, she was a 10. 0.80

00:12:21.340 Cover of magazines, the whole nine.

00:12:23.420 But I was young.

00:12:24.240 I just came out of the military.

00:12:25.520 No money.

00:12:26.060 I'm broke, trying to figure out my identity.

00:12:28.320 And she had all these people with money around her, right?

00:12:30.480 What took place?

00:12:31.760 I was like, man, what if I lose this diva?

00:12:33.260 I lost the diva.

00:12:34.780 What happened there?

00:12:35.900 Because you were afraid of losing a diva.

00:12:37.600 And she felt it.

00:12:39.060 And she didn't want to be with somebody that was afraid of losing a diva.

00:12:41.500 21 years old.

00:12:42.200 I have no idea what the hell I'm doing.

00:12:43.880 So all of these experiences add up to realizing a great company, a great company, today our company

00:12:51.060 filled with divas. 1.00

00:12:53.980 Filled with divas. 1.00

00:12:56.000 Filled.

00:12:56.740 And we want more.

00:12:58.220 Because we have learned how to create an environment where we're able to foster divas, 1.00

00:13:03.000 develop divas, work with them, give them the respect, give them the trust, give them the

00:13:06.140 consistency, give them the opportunity.

00:13:08.260 When they hit rock bottom, we'll pick you up.

00:13:10.100 We're not afraid of you.

00:13:11.100 We'll do all this stuff with you.

00:13:12.160 We'll do all this stuff with you.

00:13:13.600 But I want you to know, here's a line.

00:13:15.060 And if you try to cross this line, we're not playing that game.

00:13:17.740 We have certain standards because our goal is to get you here.

00:13:20.540 And if that message can come across to the person to say, shit, this just makes sense.

00:13:25.540 So if you cast, who do you want to be?

00:13:27.980 Bobby.

00:13:29.120 Do you want to live the guy that's stubborn?

00:13:31.820 You want an argument, but you never want anything in life and you never use your potential.

00:13:36.240 Are you okay with this?

00:13:38.180 Or are you starting to realize that if you want to be here, you need to be here.

00:13:42.920 You need to also value the people around you because you need them.

00:13:44.980 Which one do you want?

00:13:45.680 I'm okay either way because it's binary.

00:13:47.420 Do you want to be here or here?

00:13:48.680 No, no, I'm willing to be here.

00:13:50.420 Great.

00:13:50.800 I got your back.

00:13:51.480 Let's go do it.

00:13:52.440 But here's what I need from you.

00:13:54.500 Fine.

00:13:55.040 Cool.

00:13:55.480 Great.

00:13:56.040 Hey, how's family?

00:13:57.280 How's everything?

00:13:57.780 Da, da, da, da.

00:13:58.220 Let's go on.

00:13:59.280 Now, don't make it an event.

00:14:00.620 Conversation, promo.

00:14:01.440 Then you go on.

00:14:02.280 So, again, going back to it.

00:14:05.220 Reassess yourself.

00:14:06.320 Watch it again.

00:14:07.580 Are you a diva?

00:14:09.100 Are you an annoying diva? 1.00

00:14:10.760 Are you dealing with divas? 1.00

00:14:12.460 Are you allowing them to bully you, threaten you?

00:14:14.840 Exploit you, play games or manipulate you?

00:14:17.200 Are you putting time on divas that are not going to do anything anyways? 1.00

00:14:20.260 Because they're lazy. 0.89

00:14:21.340 They don't deserve it.

00:14:22.280 They just talk a big game and never show up.

00:14:24.160 Fake divas. 1.00

00:14:25.680 Filled all over the place.

00:14:27.560 These guys have a lot to offer.

00:14:29.620 And if you figure out a way how to lead them, oh my gosh, it could make you.

00:14:33.640 And you've got to identify all your divas in different departments. 1.00

00:14:35.980 What could happen if you could actually lead these people?

00:14:38.140 Thanks, everybody, for listening.

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00:14:44.020 Give us a five-star.

00:14:45.460 Write a review if you haven't already.

00:14:46.920 And if you have any questions for me that you may have, you can always find me on Snapchat,

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00:14:52.940 Just search my name, Patrick MidDavid.

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00:14:59.840 With that being said, have a great day today.

00:15:01.580 Take care, everybody.

00:15:02.300 Bye-bye.

Valuetainment - June 10, 2019

Episode 316 - How To Deal With Divas In Business

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