Valuetainment - June 19, 2019


Episode 323： 8 Conflict Resolution Tips For Entrepreneurs


Episode Stats


Length

16 minutes

Words per minute

237.3178

Word count

3,978

Sentence count

416

Harmful content

Misogyny

7

sentences flagged

Hate speech

2

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, Patrick Medvee talks about the 5 levels of conflict resolution in the human psyche and how to deal with them. 1. Stubborn 2. Passive 3. Avoidance 4. Negotiating 5. Collaboration

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 30 seconds. One time for the underdog. Ignition sequence start. Let me see you put them up. Reach the sky, turn the stars up above. Cause it's one time for the underdog. One time for the underdog.
00:00:17.300 I'm Patrick Medevi, your host of ITM, and today I'm going to share with you 8 conflict resolution tips for entrepreneurs.
00:00:22.880 Number one, the first way people handle conflicts is the lowest level. This is people who are stubborn, close-minded. I don't want to hear about it. I don't even want to deal with it. I'm purely stubborn. This person I recognize very well because that's who I was for the first 22 years of my life. I knew it all. I was stubborn. Don't tell me anything. I'm good to go. Okay, stubborn.
00:00:42.840 The second level is somebody that accommodates. These are people that are passive. They conform. Okay, no problem. You guys want to go there? I really don't want to, but no problem. Oh, I really don't want to do that, but I get it. I don't want to make you mad. No problem. Conform. Conform, conform. Conform, conform. Second level. It's not as bad as stubborn, but it's pretty bad to be conformant all the time. You're always accommodating.
00:01:05.120 The third level is avoiding. No, I'd rather not talk to her. You know what? I can't even stand what she said the other day. Why don't you call her? No way. I would never call her. I can't believe what he just said in the other business meeting. How dare he call me out like that in that business meeting? Why don't you give him a call? No way. I'm not going to call him up. Avoidance. Avoidance. Avoidance. Avoidance. And all of these conflicts in your life add up. You're carrying a 500-pound backpack if you're constantly avoiding conflict. You are because you're afraid of avoiding it if you are that level.
00:01:33.980 Number four is somebody that compromises. You hear a lot of times people say, well, I compromise. I'm willing to compromise. Babe, why don't we compromise? Some people think compromise is the highest level. In marriage, you've got to compromise. I don't know about that. I think you do. No, you don't. Yeah, you have to compromise. Why do I have to compromise? I don't want to compromise. Maybe she has the better choice, but you have to compromise because it's healthy for marriage. It's healthy for business. I don't think so. The highest level is collaborate. What does collaborating mean?
00:02:03.980 Maybe your idea is better than mine. Maybe spending the million dollars in the area that you are suggesting is going to give us 80% return on the million. Maybe my million is going to make us 40%. Maybe you are right. If I compromise, we meet half ways. I give you half a million. I keep a half a million. No, no. Collaboration means tell me what you're thinking. Here's what I'm thinking. That's what you're thinking. Oh, okay. Well, I hate to say it. She's right. I want to go with your side.
00:02:33.980 I'm automatically putting myself at the highest category. I've had to work to get up to this point. The bigger I wanted to get with my business every single year, I had to remind myself to get closer to collaboration and lower compromise, lower than being just a person that accommodates.
00:02:49.940 I wanted to get to collaboration and help my business grow. So now, now that we know the five levels, you have to assess yourself and say, I think I'm level two. I think I'm level three. By the way, this is not a scoring system on whoever gets the highest score wins.
00:03:01.880 You just have to be very honest with yourself. Again, address the conflict with yourself. Maybe you are level one. Maybe you are level two. And how has that worked for you? If it hasn't worked for you, then you got to change.
00:03:11.860 I ask a very simple question every time I'm trying to challenge somebody to improve. Your way of thinking got you to where you're at right now. Are you happy with where you are right now? If you say yes, don't change your way of thinking.
00:03:25.100 If you said no, guess what? We have to change your way of thinking. And every single time I wanted to grow to the next level, I had to change this stubborn human being's way of thinking.
00:03:36.760 This guy, I'm not talking at you, this guy. And every time I change here, everything in my world changed. So now let's talk about how to handle conflicts.
00:03:43.640 Okay. So number one, when you're looking at a conflict, you have to be very hard on the conflict, soft on the person. If you're dealing with a human conflict.
00:03:52.300 So I can't believe you did this. How could you do something like this? Da, da, da, da, da, da. Hard on a problem, soft on a person. Hard on a problem, soft on a person.
00:04:01.320 If you're hard on a problem, soft on a person, the person's willing to take your feedback. That's number one.
00:04:06.020 Number two, every time you have a conflict, you are trying to, you know, shorten the lifespan of the conflict. Let me explain to you.
00:04:14.140 Think about what's going on around the world right now. I mean, we saw earlier last year, I think, North Korea and South Korea met.
00:04:19.960 Imagine how many years that conflict has been going. What if they were to meet each other sooner? What if they would have had a meeting?
00:04:25.820 Think about an in-law. Don't want to meet each other. Lifespan. It's been seven years. I don't want to meet my in-laws.
00:04:30.540 I don't want to meet my, you know, daughter's, you know, mother. I don't want to meet her at all.
00:04:36.360 Seven years, six years. Simply a conversation because you're not willing to sit down together.
00:04:41.140 You want to figure out a lifespan of a conflict and shorten it as much as possible. So how do you do that?
00:04:45.880 First, you got to gather data. So somebody comes up to you and says, oh, you know what?
00:04:49.460 We're facing this issue in the company right now and let me tell you what's going on, okay?
00:04:53.120 Or your kid comes up to you like, just yesterday, I got a call. My kid punched the kid in the face.
00:04:59.800 My wife calls me and my wife says, they kicked Patrick out of practice. What do you mean?
00:05:05.980 The coaches came and said, your son can come back here. We're going to watch the videos, but he cannot come back to practice.
00:05:11.660 I call my son. Here's one thing about my son. My son is not afraid of the truth. I know which one.
00:05:17.060 Okay, this is not the marketer. This is the one that's very, very serious. Very serious, right?
00:05:23.100 He says, daddy, I'm telling you, he punched me first. I said, buddy, here's the one thing with you.
00:05:26.940 You tell me the truth, I'm going to back you up. If you lie to me, I can't defend you.
00:05:30.100 That I'm telling you, he punched me in the stomach first. So I called the owner to a soccer place.
00:05:33.980 I said, let me ask you a question. Did this take place? And he says, what do you mean?
00:05:38.460 I said, my son is telling me this, and I know my son. This is not the marketer's son.
00:05:42.020 He tells me the truth. He tells me such and such. And he says, sir, I apologize.
00:05:46.380 I said, you sent him off today in front of his peers. This is an embarrassing moment for him.
00:05:50.780 I'm not okay with this. But if he made the mistake, I need to know.
00:05:53.360 Because he's going to have a conversation with me later on tonight.
00:05:56.160 But if you made the mistake, you need to apologize, not me. He says, no problem.
00:05:59.480 Let us go look at the tapes. They look at the tapes. They call me three hours later.
00:06:02.700 You know what they say? Sir, we looked at the tapes. We apologize.
00:06:06.920 Your son was punched in the stomach, and your son reacted.
00:06:10.780 If it was me, I would have reacted the same way your son reacted, because I see it on the tape.
00:06:15.040 I said, no problem. We just wanted to apologize to you, sir.
00:06:17.760 I said, sir, you don't need to apologize to me. I'm not hurt by this.
00:06:20.940 My son needs an apology from you and his head coach.
00:06:23.680 So I said, matter of fact, your coach needs to call as well.
00:06:25.780 Then the coach called. I talked to the coach.
00:06:27.560 I said, I'm going to bring my son to practice next week.
00:06:29.740 When he comes, you need to sit in front of him, look at him in the eyeball, and tell him,
00:06:33.540 you apologize to him. He didn't make the mistake.
00:06:35.660 He said, no problem. I said, fine. I'll bring him to practice.
00:06:38.340 Then I brought it. What's the point there? I had to gather data.
00:06:42.240 I had to sit there and say, what is his side of the story?
00:06:44.820 What is the school side of the story?
00:06:46.540 What is my wife's side of the story? 0.96
00:06:48.620 What is the owner's side of the story? And what is the truth?
00:06:50.640 So once you gather data, the next thing you do is you qualify the conflict.
00:06:54.080 What do we mean by qualifying the conflict?
00:06:55.680 So you have all the data, you start looking at trends.
00:06:57.860 Is this repeated? Is it happening? Is it continuously happening?
00:07:01.020 It is real. It is repeated.
00:07:03.360 We got to qualify. This is a real conflict that we're dealing with here.
00:07:06.320 Then you quantify the conflict.
00:07:08.580 What is quantify? Quantify is you got to put a number to it.
00:07:11.760 How urgent is it? Very. It's a nine.
00:07:14.300 Okay, we got to address it right now.
00:07:15.860 It's a one. Come on, guys. I don't have time for this.
00:07:18.140 You guys handle this because urgency is low.
00:07:20.640 How serious is the conflict? It is a nine.
00:07:23.420 I'm involved. Not that serious.
00:07:25.140 You guys handle it, right?
00:07:26.640 So you qualify. The higher it is, the more I'm needed.
00:07:29.320 The lower it is, the less I'm needed.
00:07:31.160 Assuming this is you have leaders that can handle within their departments,
00:07:34.060 you leave it up to them.
00:07:34.900 Because, you know, in order to also develop leaders,
00:07:37.220 you got to have a lot of your guys that handle problems and conflicts themselves.
00:07:40.220 And they only come to you when it's very high.
00:07:42.360 So now, let's debrief.
00:07:43.460 Number one, you gather data.
00:07:44.500 Number two, you qualify the conflict.
00:07:46.620 Number three, you quantify the conflict.
00:07:48.280 Number four, do not hyperbolize the conflict.
00:07:52.160 Meaning, don't start promoting the conflict.
00:07:55.500 Oh my gosh, you guys won't believe what happened.
00:07:57.620 So now you're recruiting more people into the problem.
00:07:59.980 You don't need to do that.
00:08:00.780 I did a conference call the other day on my executive team.
00:08:03.640 And I told them about an issue I face.
00:08:05.460 And they're like, Pat, you really face this issue?
00:08:06.780 I said, yes.
00:08:07.880 But this is how I give you guys problems.
00:08:10.480 I tell you guys about a problem or a challenge I'm facing after it happens.
00:08:15.760 Why?
00:08:16.500 Because if I'm going through it, you have your own problems.
00:08:18.940 Why am I going to add other problems I'm personally dealing with into your life?
00:08:22.580 You don't need it.
00:08:23.600 Let me first see if I need it.
00:08:24.880 Then if you need to, I'll come and tell you.
00:08:26.560 But I got it.
00:08:27.460 I'm not trying to bring more problems into other people's lives because momentum goes
00:08:30.700 lower.
00:08:31.000 A lot of times we have the habit of, hey, did you hear about what happened?
00:08:34.840 Hey, did you hear about what happened?
00:08:35.740 Hey, did you hear about what happened?
00:08:36.920 You're indirectly recruiting eight, nine other people into your problem.
00:08:40.020 You're hyperbolizing.
00:08:41.220 And you're getting other people to be less efficient in their problems.
00:08:44.260 First, if you can handle it yourself.
00:08:45.820 Then ask for help.
00:08:47.120 So do not hyperbolize when you have an issue you're facing.
00:08:50.720 So now if the conflict is bigger and you're sitting there saying, well, I don't really
00:08:54.000 know how to handle this on my own.
00:08:55.300 Get a second opinion.
00:08:56.580 Have somebody just like, you know, folks have an advisory board, a board of directors.
00:09:00.680 Some decisions I call my board on.
00:09:02.800 Some decisions I'll just call and say, I need 10 minutes of your time.
00:09:04.600 Hey, here's what we're going through.
00:09:05.480 What do you think about this?
00:09:06.600 Da, da, da, da, da.
00:09:07.160 Oh, you know what?
00:09:07.500 That was great.
00:09:08.340 I cannot tell you.
00:09:09.460 I've said this so many times.
00:09:10.580 If you ask any employee that works with me closely, if you ask any of my directors,
00:09:14.960 any of my executives, any of my board members, they will tell you.
00:09:17.840 Patrick's most common question he asks is, what do you think?
00:09:21.640 What do you think?
00:09:22.700 What do you think?
00:09:23.740 The bigger the problem, I ask more people.
00:09:25.880 The smaller the problem is just the people that are directly involved.
00:09:28.600 But get a second opinion if you're kind of stuck on what you need to do.
00:09:31.580 Then the higher the problem, go to the higher ops people to help you.
00:09:34.560 The lower it is, just ask somebody that you work with on a day-to-day basis.
00:09:37.320 Okay.
00:09:38.020 So we've already dealt with that.
00:09:39.340 The next thing you do is you either deal direct or you let it go.
00:09:42.200 Let me explain what I mean by this.
00:09:43.400 I get a lot of people that call me and say, you won't even believe what this person said
00:09:46.380 to me the other day.
00:09:47.520 Can you live with it?
00:09:49.580 No.
00:09:50.200 Then you've got to call them up.
00:09:51.660 Can you live with it?
00:09:52.580 Yes.
00:09:52.940 Then let it go.
00:09:54.100 Yeah, I'm just going to let it go.
00:09:55.240 I said, because you bring this up again next week, you've got to call them up.
00:09:59.840 But if you don't bring it up, that means you let it go.
00:10:01.840 So don't tell me let it go and bring it up again because I don't want to hear about it again.
00:10:05.300 No, Pat, it kept me up at night.
00:10:07.100 Then you've got to call them up.
00:10:08.000 Don't bring it up to me until you call that person up.
00:10:10.780 So either deal direct or let it go.
00:10:13.200 Too many times we just kind of hang on to something and you're getting killed because
00:10:16.300 that's the problem you're hanging on to and you don't want to bring it up.
00:10:18.420 Spouse, friend, business partner, co-worker, just bring it up.
00:10:21.560 It's so much easier if you just bring it up.
00:10:23.860 Next, listen, this is going to be very hard to do.
00:10:26.040 Very, very hard to do because I'm assuming you're watching this.
00:10:29.140 Whoever that's watching this, you're an entrepreneur, an executive, a CEO, a founder.
00:10:33.580 You are who you are because you have pride.
00:10:35.100 You have an ego that helps you out, but it also can hurt you.
00:10:37.500 Let me explain to you what I mean by this.
00:10:39.020 If you allow your pride and ego to get in the way of problems and conflicts, you're not going
00:10:44.300 to have the highest return when dealing with conflicts.
00:10:47.140 Let me explain to you what just took place right now.
00:10:48.800 Okay?
00:10:48.940 My wife and I were fixing up one of our homes.
00:10:53.180 Okay?
00:10:53.820 And we have this paint job that we had to do.
00:10:56.200 It's a bigger dollar amount.
00:10:57.460 It's not a $20,000 paint job.
00:10:59.320 It's a bigger dollar amount because it's a bigger house we're dealing with, so we're
00:11:01.940 spending a lot of money on the paint job.
00:11:04.280 So she gets the payment on what it needs to be paid and she agrees to it.
00:11:10.180 No problem.
00:11:11.060 Okay?
00:11:12.300 Then all of a sudden, they start the job.
00:11:14.240 They finish the second floor.
00:11:15.860 Second floor is over with.
00:11:17.520 Next thing you know, yesterday at 6 p.m., my wife comes into my office. 0.99
00:11:21.060 She's a little bit nervous.
00:11:21.840 I said, what's going on, babe?
00:11:23.140 Babe, I have to talk to you.
00:11:24.220 I'm like, listen, I'm in a meeting.
00:11:25.260 Is this urgent?
00:11:25.880 Yes.
00:11:26.180 I said, okay, let's step outside.
00:11:27.000 We step outside and we talk.
00:11:28.420 She said, babe, remember how I told you the paint job for the house was going to be this
00:11:31.400 much?
00:11:31.580 I said, yes.
00:11:32.360 It's going to end up being this much.
00:11:33.480 I said, no way.
00:11:34.160 Yes.
00:11:35.000 I said, babe, you've been crystal clear with everybody on this situation.
00:11:37.240 I have been, babe, but this is what they said.
00:11:39.140 I said, we're not doing that.
00:11:40.280 So I had a meeting with them.
00:11:41.560 After having a meeting with them, this is a very big paint company.
00:11:44.040 The CEO of the company came and met with me today.
00:11:46.560 And we sat here.
00:11:48.340 And I said, and he's like, so tell us your situation.
00:11:51.020 I said, wait a minute.
00:11:51.600 I said, you first have to tell us why you're here.
00:11:53.620 What's your outcome?
00:11:54.420 And what do you know?
00:11:55.100 He said what he said.
00:11:56.280 Then I pointed at the guy who gave the estimate.
00:11:58.400 I said, did you ever come from this total Oman with my wife?
00:12:01.880 Sir, I never did.
00:12:02.840 I need you to know this.
00:12:03.900 Honey, tell him what your situation is.
00:12:06.240 She explained.
00:12:07.480 She's done.
00:12:07.800 Now, my wife, she doesn't over-exaggerate.
00:12:11.140 She's just very simple.
00:12:12.360 If you see my wife, she just, this is who I am.
00:12:14.660 And she's like extremely organized and prepared. 0.75
00:12:17.120 Like, my wife can tell you every single second, every time she nursed our children, every one
00:12:23.540 of our kids for an entire year, she has all the notebook.
00:12:26.580 Do you realize?
00:12:27.580 I don't have a single assessment of how many times I did anything, you know, for nursing
00:12:33.500 and all this other stuff.
00:12:34.240 She's like, hey, we have three kids.
00:12:35.360 That's awesome.
00:12:36.360 This woman is super organized with everything, right? 0.98
00:12:38.760 So she presents it to them.
00:12:39.940 And she does it in a very, here's what we did. 0.77
00:12:42.180 Here's what we talked about.
00:12:42.900 Here's what you told me.
00:12:43.600 This is the one thing.
00:12:44.820 And I noticed the CEO is being a little bit of a jerk to my wife. 1.00
00:12:48.320 I'm looking to this guy.
00:12:50.000 And he's like trying to bully a little bit.
00:12:52.880 I'm like, listen.
00:12:53.860 And here's what I told him.
00:12:56.300 I said, let's call him Mike.
00:12:59.600 I said, Mike, listen.
00:13:01.700 You seem like a man with a lot of pride.
00:13:03.540 You're from Texas.
00:13:04.600 I can respect it.
00:13:05.880 I'm also a man with a lot of pride.
00:13:07.360 I'm from Iran.
00:13:08.080 Believe me, we have a lot of pride.
00:13:09.600 You run a business.
00:13:10.380 I run a business.
00:13:11.660 We're not negotiating here.
00:13:13.600 We're telling you he made a mistake.
00:13:15.780 So you are either going to make it good or you're not going to make it good.
00:13:18.880 This is not a debate.
00:13:20.020 Like we're not going back and forth.
00:13:21.160 We don't do back and forth.
00:13:22.620 You've made it clear you've made a mistake.
00:13:24.620 Okay?
00:13:25.440 So now, in situations like this, as a CEO, I have one of two choices.
00:13:29.840 Either I can be a dick, which you can be. 0.65
00:13:32.000 That's your right.
00:13:32.560 You can be that person to us.
00:13:34.180 And then you walk away and you win.
00:13:36.040 You say, you're at fault.
00:13:37.420 You should have known because this is the thing.
00:13:39.240 Like, fine, you may win the argument short term, but I guarantee you lose long term.
00:13:44.000 Because when it comes down to me, I'm driven by principles.
00:13:47.740 That's how I am.
00:13:48.620 I'm a principled guy.
00:13:50.120 And so if you're a principled guy and you want to have a relationship with somebody like
00:13:54.060 me, because if we overcome this conflict together and we set aside your ego and my ego, we find
00:14:00.280 some way to collaborate knowing whether you made the mistake or I made the mistake, we move
00:14:04.120 forward.
00:14:04.420 But I want to make one thing very clear.
00:14:06.220 This is not a negotiation.
00:14:07.380 So what do you want to do, Mike?
00:14:09.780 Long pause, 20 seconds.
00:14:12.160 Takes a breath.
00:14:12.860 And you know the kind of a breath, like you know you're wrong.
00:14:14.480 He says, okay, this is our fault.
00:14:18.440 We're going to make it good.
00:14:19.860 I said, fair.
00:14:21.100 I said, first of all, I want to apologize to you because I was very tough on you yesterday
00:14:26.360 and I love the way you handled yourself.
00:14:28.540 This is a sales guy.
00:14:29.580 I said, I just want you to know your sales guy, not an ounce of him comes across as somebody
00:14:33.300 that's trying to mislead and misrepresent.
00:14:34.740 He made a mistake.
00:14:35.920 He just manned up to it.
00:14:37.440 I just want to let you know I have respect for you on the way you handled it.
00:14:40.220 Then he came back and we went back and forth.
00:14:42.160 And at the end, he stuck around at the office.
00:14:43.820 He's like talking.
00:14:44.360 We wouldn't let my wife come. 0.98
00:14:45.280 I'm like, look, we got work to do here.
00:14:46.900 He says, if we do you good, will you please write a great review about us?
00:14:52.060 What do you think the answer is?
00:14:53.240 Of course, we're going to write a killer review about what you did.
00:14:57.100 But I respect him because he was willing to set aside his pride.
00:15:02.120 Even though this is a man that's an A-type personality in Texas with muscles at 60 years
00:15:06.900 old, he looks like Jerry Jones on steroids is what he looked like.
00:15:10.300 But I respect the way he handled it.
00:15:11.700 Now, obviously, the job's got to get done before everything is good.
00:15:15.020 But if you allow your pride and your ego to get in the way I've done it many times in
00:15:18.120 my career, you will lose.
00:15:19.540 You have to figure out a way to set that part aside.
00:15:22.100 And last but not least, this is how I think about when I think about conflicts.
00:15:26.500 Anybody that works with me closely will tell you this.
00:15:29.080 I don't like dead weight.
00:15:30.700 I hate dead weight.
00:15:32.020 I cannot stand dead weight.
00:15:33.780 Dead weight to me is a problem that we solved two years ago that keeps resurfacing.
00:15:37.680 I don't like it.
00:15:38.380 Not in my marriage.
00:15:39.140 Not in my friendships.
00:15:40.200 Not in the business life.
00:15:41.380 Not in my health.
00:15:42.420 None of it.
00:15:43.280 Nothing.
00:15:44.160 I don't like dead weight.
00:15:46.640 I like permanent solutions so we don't have to come back and revisit it.
00:15:49.920 Meaning, whatever way you go through, you come up with your game plan at the end on how
00:15:53.500 to address your issue that you're dealing with.
00:15:54.840 Whatever problem you're dealing with right now.
00:15:56.880 Don't come up with a solution that's going to just fix it for a month or two months or
00:16:00.120 three months or a year.
00:16:01.320 Come up with a permanent solution.
00:16:03.040 Come up with something that you don't have to come back and revisit.
00:16:05.580 With that individual, with you, with the group, with everybody involved, with the business
00:16:09.620 on whoever it is that's the most, spouse, anybody.
00:16:11.880 Come up with permanent.
00:16:12.600 And explain to the other person that you're trying to solve the conflict with why you're
00:16:16.380 looking for permanent, not temporary.
00:16:19.260 And they will respect you even more.
00:16:21.240 Thanks, everybody, for listening.
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00:16:30.100 And if you have any questions for me that you may have, you can always find me on Snapchat,
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00:16:43.060 With that being said, have a great day today.
00:16:44.780 Take care, everybody.
00:16:45.500 Bye-bye.