In this episode of Value Entertainment's new podcast, "Impact Theory," host Patrick Medvee talks with Impact Theory founder Tom Bailu about identity and how one can begin to shape their own identity. In this episode, Pat and Tom talk about the process of figuring out who they are and how to create their identity.
00:00:00.00030 seconds. One time for the underdog. Ignition sequence start. Let me see you put them up. Reach the sky, turn the stars up above. Cause it's one time for the underdog. One time for the underdog.
00:00:17.300I'm Patrick Medevi, host of Value Entertainment. And today I'm going to share a clip from a podcast I did with Tom Bailu from Impact Theory when he asked me to question, Pat, how can one recreate their identity? We're going to talk about that in today's episode.
00:00:29.240One thing in your book that you talked about that I thought was really interesting was you asked the question, to your point about questions, when was the last time you thought about your identity? And you just brought that up. What's that process for people? How do you be, like, how, what is the identity? Which I think most people give stats. Like, what do you mean by that? And how can people begin to shape their identity?
00:00:58.100As soon as I went to college. I consciously decided I wanted to become the artist, which was not necessarily the right decision, but that was, yeah, when I changed.
00:01:07.880And then what happened from artist to quest?
00:01:11.540And so I start, want to be the funny guy because I need attention in high school. By the end of high school, I'm very good at making people laugh in a sort of living room funny way.
00:01:23.140I do countless hours of practice of stand-up comedy, and when I go to college, I'm like, my only style of humor is self-deprecating, so I'm always making fun of myself, which actually makes me think a little bit less of myself.
00:01:34.920And so I very much had an inferiority complex in high school. I cheated my way to being in the top 10 of my graduating class. I did terribly on my SATs. And I come into film school, and I'm like, this is what I want to do with the rest of my life. Like, I actually want to be good at this.
00:01:48.760And that's one sort of realization I'm grateful for was I realized at some point you're in the big bad world, and you're either good or you're not. And so you better stop cheating, really pay attention, and get good. And so I thought I need to take myself more seriously, stop making fun of myself. So I didn't tell anybody that I was, you know, a comedic person or anything. I didn't make jokes, nothing.
00:02:09.880And so I began to adopt the identity of the artist. I have some artistic failures, which creates this identity crisis. I'm very much in the grips of poverty now because I've graduated. My parents aren't helping me anymore. I'm selling insurance door to door.
00:02:31.360Yeah. And I'm just like in this, I'm sliding towards depression. I have no sense of how I can make things come true. This is all pre-internet.
00:02:39.880So like, there's just, there's no hope for me. Like there's the idea to make $100,000 film, which back then there was no YouTube, there was no video cameras you could make movies on. I mean, it just wasn't a thing.
00:02:50.660So it was like $100,000 film might as well have been $100 million film. So I'm stuck. What am I going to do? And that's when I meet these two entrepreneurs who were like, look, you're coming to the world with your handout. And if you want to control the art, you have to control the resources.
00:03:03.120And so that began a very long journey of identity for me, of figuring out who am I? How do I define myself now? And how is that useful?
00:03:11.420Like understanding that it is completely malleable. I can decide right now that I'm somebody else, that my identity is something new and something different.
00:03:19.900Like I remember the day I told people I was going to start lifting. And I just said, right now, today I'm lifting. And I told people I'm going to put on muscle. I'm going to look like Hugh Jackman. Everybody's like, yeah, yeah, right.
00:03:28.920And I just went beast mode. And I just started working out all the time. And I realized, whoa, like it's a demarcation line in the sand. Yesterday at this time, I did not have the sense that I'm going to become like Hugh Jackman, that I am a lifter.
00:03:42.380I am somebody who sticks through with what they say. And now today I'm just going to decide that is me. And so I began telling people it, which gave all this pressure that I had to live up to it.
00:03:52.040And I began to realize like, whoa, this is a lever that you can pull and it drives behavior.
00:03:59.300That's amazing. I mean, that pretty much explains the whole thing about identity, right? So I think the first identity we have is whatever identity we're trying to get attention for.
00:04:09.760You know, when you come out, you're saying your family, extremely obese, I think you said. So I don't know, was it a mom and dad stayed together? Was it a healthy family? Was it loving? Was it a crazy environment? Was it a lot of pressure?
00:04:21.360No, like it was pretty good. But my parents end up. So I have this recurring nightmare as a kid and I can't explain it. I'm in a loveless marriage.
00:04:28.380So imagine me at 14. I've never had a relationship, but I have this recurring nightmare about being in a loveless marriage.
00:04:35.580Not realizing, of course, my parents were in a loveless marriage and I just didn't know.
00:04:39.120And so on some subconscious level, I was obviously picking up on that mad respect to my parents who stayed together until three weeks after I left for college.
00:04:50.020No, and I actually respect it like that. I would never do that. I would never repay that because that's so crazy to me to live a life that's less than it could be for your kids.
00:05:04.680Going back to the identity part. You know, you had a moment that you had to make a decision and you asked some questions and you met a couple people that eventually inspired you to want to make change.
00:05:15.680And then you went after what you wanted to do. And that day when you said, I'm going to start looking like Hugh Jackman the next day.
00:05:21.140And one day the decision, not that serious. The next day, here's who I'm going to end up being.
00:05:25.540When I listen to your story, it's all why two. And we don't spend enough time with why two.
00:05:30.220Why two is linked to identity. How two is systems, learning. It's a skill. It's a skill set. Anybody can pick that up.
00:05:37.960So, identity is you asking the questions until eventually you get to a point that you get to the deeper part of who do you want to be?
00:05:46.040What life do you want to live? And why do you want to live this life? Why is it important to you?
00:05:48.860Why is it what you're putting through all these hours? Why would you want to do that?
00:05:52.580That transition when you go through it. And then the pressure part when you said, here's who I'm going to be, where you declare your intentions to the world.
00:05:59.880This is what I'm going to be doing. A lot of times we keep things to secret.
00:06:03.160And so there's a debate. Some say you should never declare your intentions to the world
00:06:06.260because that pressure could create anxiety. You should never do it.
00:06:09.700You know, like Babe Ruth pointed a finger and I'm going to hit a home run. What if you don't hit it? What if you fail?
00:06:13.520You know, what if you say, Michael Jordan says, the Bulls never win and lose in game seven.
00:06:17.960You should never say that because there's too much pressure on the players.
00:06:20.080Or then the other side say, well, you should put the pressure on yourself because your teammates play better because it's not on them.
00:06:25.140It's on you. And the leader does that. To me, I think declaring intention serves a purpose.
00:06:30.440I think when you go out there and you say, this is what I'm going to be doing.
00:07:32.980And sometimes you wonder if it's almost like a strategy so other people don't catch up to you because they think they're like, honestly, you sit there and say, is this guy really that dark that he's trying to get everybody else to slow down?
00:07:41.380So he kind of, you know, works his ass up.
00:08:13.720One of my biggest drivers was, you're at your dad's funeral.
00:08:17.660This sounds crazy to some people, but I have visualized.
00:08:21.620It's going to be the first time my dad's ever going to hear this because I've never said this to him because, you know, I just don't want to tell him this kind of stuff.