Valuetainment - Episode 364： Mistakes Billionaire Make With Their Family

00:00:00.000 30 seconds. One time for the underdog. Technician sequence start. Let me see you put them up. Reach the sky, touch the stars up above. Cause it's one time for the underdog. One time for the underdog.

00:00:17.240 I'm Patrick Bedevi, host of Value Team. And today's episode is slightly different and here's why it's different. So think about being a billionaire or being mega wealthy, right?

00:00:24.680 We're talking a few hundred million dollars or billionaire. This man today, Mark Demos, his expertise is to sit down with billion dollar families.

00:00:32.060 One of them is 12 billion that he talks about in the episode, helping their kids not get addicted to drugs and to go back and live in a normal life.

00:00:39.900 It is a very weird, very different, very difficult. And that's what he does for a living.

00:00:44.460 Mark, thank you for being a guest on Value Team.

00:00:46.520 I really appreciate it. Thank you.

00:00:47.900 So when did you wake up and say, you know, I want to be around these guys that are mega wealthy and help them with their family legacy?

00:00:53.560 Like, how did that come about?

00:00:55.240 You know, I was brought up in a lot of wealth growing up, went to a really great school, looked like a castle, looked like Harry Potter.

00:01:02.220 So grew up around a lot of wealthy people. And then also when I came to the U.S. and I landed up in Redmond, Washington, I was raising my children there.

00:01:13.420 Going to Redmond High School is where Microsoft is. So I used to...

00:01:18.820 What year is this, by the way, when you went to Redmond?

00:01:20.280 I got to Redmond in about 91, 92.

00:01:22.880 Okay.

00:01:23.900 And so really got to know a lot of the parents. A lot of the parents would come to me with their problems.

00:01:29.480 And one weekend, one of the parents said, well, do you have a program that, you know, we get to have so we don't have to send our kid to overseas?

00:01:37.840 So I said, yeah, we do. So I put it together over that weekend.

00:01:40.880 And about Tuesday morning, we had everything up and running and ended up actually having my kids work with me,

00:01:45.880 with a lot of these kids who were younger than them, probably two or three years younger.

00:01:49.540 But that's when I started.

00:01:51.820 And where did you see from? Because, you know, a lot of people out there, you know, I want to be a millionaire.

00:01:57.060 I wish I was a mega millionaire. I wish I was all this.

00:01:59.600 Have you noticed a common trend with everybody that becomes mega wealthy with them and their biggest struggles with their family?

00:02:07.980 I have. You know, it's not with all of them, but I've seen the big issue with all of them is this.

00:02:15.860 How do I define my life personally? How do I figure out what matters in life?

00:02:21.440 When I don't have to do anything and I will be okay, I don't have to find out what I'm good at.

00:02:27.940 The children, you mean?

00:02:28.820 The children.

00:02:29.360 The children are the mega wealthy family.

00:02:30.600 Yeah. And even the parents, you know, with a lot of the early Microsoft families, they got wealthy very quickly.

00:02:36.400 And I remember reading an article back in the mid-90s about all these young bachelors who now were worth three, four, five million dollars.

00:02:43.220 And they didn't know who was their friend.

00:02:44.780 Why did they, why did someone want to date them when nobody would go near them in college?

00:02:49.180 And so now they had money and all of a sudden they were, they were somewhat celebrities.

00:02:52.920 So I was trying to figure out why does someone love me?

00:02:55.260 Why does someone want to be in my universe and be around me?

00:02:58.000 So it really becomes a question that involves all of my life.

00:03:03.020 And friendship and relationship is one of the huge issues with people with money.

00:03:07.040 How do you know they want to be with you?

00:03:08.900 How do you know they're your friend?

00:03:10.100 Wow. What a good point.

00:03:11.160 So just not knowing who's a real friend and who's there just for the money part.

00:03:14.620 That's right.

00:03:15.300 And, you know, you ask most people, who doesn't want to be friends with someone who's really wealthy?

00:03:20.040 Because you get to go to nice places.

00:03:21.560 You get to see nice things.

00:03:22.940 You meet famous people.

00:03:24.040 And everyone wants to be around them and they don't know who's who.

00:03:29.200 It's a real struggle.

00:03:30.460 Wow.

00:03:30.580 So their challenge is one, those who are worth $100 million and up, the kids' challenge is a different story, right?

00:03:38.020 Give us some examples of what you've seen on both sides.

00:03:41.400 I think for the kids, the big issue becomes, why do I have to do anything?

00:03:46.900 For a lot of these kids as well, when they do something wrong, their parents can hire an attorney.

00:03:51.940 I remember working with a kid at Redmond High School and they'd broken into the school, they'd broken into the chemistry lab and was in juvenile court.

00:04:00.300 So juvenile court, you do something like that and you're going to get a slap on the wrist.

00:04:04.220 The parents put together a team like the O.J. Simpson trial.

00:04:07.800 They had three or four experts.

00:04:09.600 They had three or four attorneys.

00:04:10.580 You've got to be kidding me.

00:04:11.080 And then they found out, when you go to juvenile court, you really can't use, you really can't do that.

00:04:16.620 It's a judge.

00:04:17.240 You don't have a jury even.

00:04:19.080 And it just becomes something, it's a false sense of really never having to thrive in life to create your own happiness.

00:04:27.400 Because there's a trust fund.

00:04:29.020 There's money down the road.

00:04:30.140 I will always be okay.

00:04:32.080 And the problem with human beings is this.

00:04:34.060 When I don't know what I've got to give to this world, and I'm dependent on what my parents made or my grandparents made or their name, and I don't find out who I am and what I've got to give, it's not just a lack of purpose.

00:04:47.080 There's depression.

00:04:47.920 There's anxiety.

00:04:49.380 There's just almost a self-hatred because I'm useless in this world until I know what I've got to give.

00:04:54.060 So how do you help them get there?

00:04:56.140 How do you help them get clarity?

00:04:57.540 Very often it's trying to help the parents.

00:04:59.780 It's helping the parents push these kids to engage in life.

00:05:03.160 It's not allowing these parents to bail their kids out.

00:05:07.500 It's not very often having these kids, these parents, send their kids to schools where their name is known and they've donated the football field.

00:05:17.660 There's a big building on campus.

00:05:19.780 I had a friend that I went to college with.

00:05:21.540 His name was Mark DeMoss, identical name.

00:05:23.960 When I first landed in college, I thought I was a celebrity.

00:05:26.980 I didn't know who this guy was, but I was treated for about three days like I was an absolute celebrity.

00:05:32.020 Until three days later, I walk on campus.

00:05:35.280 I'm a foreign student.

00:05:36.240 I don't know anyone.

00:05:37.640 And I see this Arthur DeMoss building.

00:05:39.460 And his dad had found a Penn Life insurance.

00:05:42.740 But it was really interesting.

00:05:44.260 The dad died young.

00:05:45.580 But these kids, the three kids, didn't inherit anything until they had graduated from college.

00:05:50.620 They were married, they had children, and that they had worked for themselves for at least a few years.

00:05:57.000 I don't know what the...

00:05:58.280 That was his system, how he created it.

00:06:00.380 That was the way he did it.

00:06:02.380 Make your own way in the world.

00:06:03.780 And it's very difficult because parents always want their kids to have a better life than them.

00:06:09.300 But you can't give your kids a better life when you've taken your talent, you've applied it,

00:06:15.080 and then think that you can have a kid not do anything in life and create their own identity.

00:06:20.200 They trade off yours, and you can't do that with anything in life.

00:06:23.540 So, is it, do you ever sit in there where you say, okay, these kids can be saved because they're 5, 6, 10 years old.

00:06:31.160 They can be saved.

00:06:32.400 But these kids cannot be saved because they're 25 years old, they're already on drugs, they're partying,

00:06:36.800 they have access to anything and everything, cocaine, you know, ecstasy, Xanax, Vicodin, whatever they want.

00:06:42.880 I don't know how I'm going to save these guys.

00:06:44.340 Is it different on how you deal with these parents and their kids at different stages of how old their kids are?

00:06:49.320 Generally, the parents won't call us until they, the kids are teenagers,

00:06:52.660 and they're already acting out.

00:06:54.560 So, for most parents, they probably do a good job early on, or they think they're doing a good job.

00:07:00.840 But it still becomes a problem when, again, you're named after grandpa,

00:07:04.360 and you're named after, you know, your father, and you're number three or number four,

00:07:08.020 and everybody knows who you are, and everybody treats you differently.

00:07:12.120 So, it really is trying to engage with parents early on, if parents are willing to engage,

00:07:17.360 to give their kids as normal a life as possible.

00:07:19.800 And so often, it's a real struggle, because parents want to give their kids more.

00:07:27.140 They want to give their kids opportunity.

00:07:29.360 But kids have to learn how to earn it.

00:07:31.880 And so, what we do with a lot of these kids is we make them go get a job.

00:07:35.340 If they're 16, and they can work, and they have the ability,

00:07:39.400 we get them to go out and work and know what a paycheck means.

00:07:42.480 We get them to find places to give money that they've earned, not to give away what their parents have earned.

00:07:49.280 What if they rebel against it?

00:07:50.860 What if they're like, I don't want to have my job.

00:07:52.160 I'm not going to keep it.

00:07:52.920 And you can't force them to keep it.

00:07:54.400 No, we can't.

00:07:55.160 And it ultimately becomes, will the parents buy into what we're trying to say?

00:07:58.980 Because it's a very small window of opportunity.

00:08:01.820 Very seldom can you work with a kid once they're over 18 or 19, and they're out there already.

00:08:09.440 And everything is already taken care of.

00:08:12.480 They're in university, and for a lot of them, they'll drop out of university.

00:08:16.880 They will be on drugs.

00:08:18.300 They will be, they will not run away.

00:08:20.660 They'll just have disappeared.

00:08:21.820 They've got a credit card, and they can use it whenever they want.

00:08:24.680 So for some of the parents, it's saying you've got to cut them off.

00:08:27.720 You have got to allow them to be able to create their own lives.

00:08:31.640 But the greatest worry that every parent has is, but he'll hurt himself or herself.

00:08:36.000 They'll kill themselves.

00:08:37.460 And they've already, you know, there are enough examples out there of young, of children who do that.

00:08:42.480 How common is that from parents' fears?

00:08:44.060 Is that very common for you when you see that?

00:08:46.620 I think it's more common with children of wealthy people.

00:08:50.240 Because they've tried everything, and they haven't found anything that really delivers back to them something of real substance in life.

00:08:59.340 They don't have a sense of purpose.

00:09:01.440 And they've relied on, and they've tried every drug.

00:09:04.000 They've tried every vacation.

00:09:05.760 They've gone everywhere.

00:09:06.780 They've met people.

00:09:08.600 Nothing has been denied them.

00:09:10.280 And it's my own personal belief that nothing external is ever going to touch my life until I figure out what my life has that I can give to impact the life of another person.

00:09:22.140 It's empty until I do.

00:09:23.740 If I give away my parents' money, what have I done?

00:09:27.260 Nothing.

00:09:28.220 I haven't earned it.

00:09:29.700 I haven't used the sweat of my brow to go and work and to give to somebody something that's going to cost me.

00:09:37.080 It doesn't cost me anything if I give away my parents' money.

00:09:39.600 So you hear a story like J. Paul Getty's.

00:09:41.620 I know you and I were talking about J. Paul Getty, one of the richest billionaires.

00:09:45.600 He built some incredible pride.

00:09:47.380 I've been to his museum in L.A.

00:09:48.420 Sure.

00:09:49.000 And the criticism he gets when he died, what he did with his money.

00:09:52.680 You know, everybody says, this guy was a cheapskate with his family.

00:09:56.300 He was a terrible father.

00:09:57.880 He left nothing for his kids, his boys.

00:10:01.400 That's the terrible example of a father.

00:10:03.400 What do you say about what he did?

00:10:04.740 I think there's a lot in terms of their own morality that was problematic in terms of that, you know, growing up.

00:10:10.860 But I would almost err on the side of saying, let your kids figure it out themselves.

00:10:17.700 Push them to find out who they are.

00:10:20.500 Push them to find out what they've got to give to life.

00:10:22.940 And it's not giving to life what you've created yourself.

00:10:26.880 They have got to find it out themselves.

00:10:29.240 And there are ways to do that.

00:10:30.620 We, you know, I was talking to a young guy, you know, who's coming to Dallas tomorrow that did just that.

00:10:36.840 We helped him to find his life separate from everything else in his family.

00:10:40.880 And he's created a life.

00:10:42.120 He had dropped out of two universities, was failing out of everything.

00:10:45.460 And he's now engaged in life.

00:10:47.460 He's actually going to come work with us and work with college students to try and help them figure out who they are.

00:10:52.140 To do what you're doing, working with you.

00:10:53.160 To do what we're doing.

00:10:54.120 Now, how wealthy was his family?

00:10:55.660 What kind of wealth did his family have?

00:10:57.940 Family owns a major league baseball team.

00:11:00.460 They own a major mutual fund.

00:11:03.960 Combined family worth, still probably around $10, $12 billion.

00:11:08.400 I mean, that's no limit.

00:11:09.900 Whatever you want, you can get anything you want.

00:11:12.020 And they have.

00:11:12.800 And they've met everyone and they've been everywhere and they lack nothing.

00:11:17.780 Anything you want, you can have.

00:11:19.100 How much did this guy you're talking about get close to the breaking point?

00:11:24.640 Very.

00:11:25.240 I'm talking breaking point, like killing himself.

00:11:27.260 We were called up to go to his home, with his mother's home in Vermont, to be able to get him out of his room.

00:11:34.420 And he was locked in there.

00:11:35.880 And he's like, we've got permission to share his story.

00:11:39.960 Because he wants other young people to know it.

00:11:42.460 He was strung out in drugs, everything imaginable, and he had just lost hope in everything.

00:11:49.920 And when you're failing in school and you're failing just in life in general, and nothing matters, nothing seems to make any sense.

00:11:57.700 And then to come to him, to ask him, start saying, well, what are you great at?

00:12:02.180 What are you exceptional at?

00:12:03.180 What have you, what do you know you can give to touch the life of another person with?

00:12:08.500 And it wasn't trying to do the mental health thing.

00:12:11.500 He had seen therapists, psychiatrists.

00:12:13.660 He had seen everyone.

00:12:15.180 It wasn't saying, why are you broken?

00:12:17.000 It's saying, where are you strong?

00:12:19.800 What, what's unique about you that you have when you understand it, you can impact the life of somebody else.

00:12:26.480 And focusing on that, you know, one of the things we did within a year of that, we, he went to San Francisco for an internship.

00:12:32.960 We were up in Vermont again.

00:12:35.060 And we said, well, Charlie, when are you going?

00:12:37.600 He said, well, next week I'm going.

00:12:39.540 So I said, well, how are you going to get there?

00:12:40.960 Well, I'll, I'll fly and my mom will ship the car.

00:12:44.040 So I said, Charlie, you've got two days.

00:12:46.120 You're going to get your car ready.

00:12:47.440 It was Christmas in Vermont.

00:12:48.880 Ice everywhere.

00:12:50.240 And I said, you're going to drive.

00:12:51.740 You're going to get in your car and you're going to drive.

00:12:54.700 He'd never seen this country except from a jet.

00:12:58.200 And he, it was one of the big things in his life that he simply drove across this country.

00:13:04.260 He didn't even think it was possible.

00:13:05.580 It wasn't even something that, I mean, an idol.

00:13:08.560 You tell me, go on a road trip.

00:13:10.480 I'd be, I'd hike through Africa, through Europe.

00:13:12.980 I'd meet every state in the U.S.

00:13:15.200 If I've got an opportunity to travel, I will.

00:13:17.620 And he did.

00:13:18.460 And it was the first, one of the first major things that he began to do where he knew he

00:13:23.680 could do it without anybody else doing it for him.

00:13:26.760 And he was in his early 20s by then.

00:13:29.520 What was his reaction afterwards to you when he did that?

00:13:31.660 Like the conversation, what was it like?

00:13:33.040 He went to stay with his aunt, who is the president of a major mutual fund company.

00:13:37.840 Up until this point, no one would ever hear from Charlie.

00:13:40.420 He was quiet.

00:13:41.640 He was this total introvert.

00:13:43.640 Anyhow, he's going across country.

00:13:45.100 And I mean, woken up in the middle of the night, pictures from the day.

00:13:48.140 He's texting me as he's going across country.

00:13:50.760 What is this place?

00:13:51.960 He's going through Utah and he's, you know, he's sending me pictures of the soul flats.

00:13:55.540 He didn't even know they existed.

00:13:57.180 And, you know, and he gets to San Francisco.

00:13:59.580 And we see his aunt a few months later in Nantucket.

00:14:03.720 And she says, well, someone turned Charlie off.

00:14:05.860 He can't shut his mouth anymore.

00:14:07.360 But he had nothing to say in life before that.

00:14:10.620 He now had life to share.

00:14:12.640 And it becomes, yeah, it really became something so different.

00:14:15.380 Now, is Charlie's the grandson, right?

00:14:17.400 He's one.

00:14:17.860 And how many grandkids did this family of 12 billion have?

00:14:20.980 There are 16.

00:14:22.440 16 of them.

00:14:23.260 16 grandkids.

00:14:24.000 Out of the 16, how many of them did you work with yourself?

00:14:26.840 Two.

00:14:27.260 Two of them.

00:14:27.820 Yeah.

00:14:28.280 And how are, percentage-wise, you know, because you see how this affects it.

00:14:32.320 I've read a book a few years ago, 15, 16 years ago, called The Ultimate Gift.

00:14:36.660 It's a story of a billionaire where he's going to give this thing to his nephew where 12 lessons,

00:14:42.220 you've got to go watch these videos, and he dies.

00:14:44.480 And you know the whole scene of this play.

00:14:45.840 I do, yeah.

00:14:46.120 So a person dies.

00:14:47.720 You know, he has his attorney sitting here.

00:14:49.700 All the people are sitting there saying, you're here to get my wealth.

00:14:51.980 Here's what we're going to do.

00:14:53.020 But the chances of these kids making it is slim to none.

00:14:56.140 Out of the 16, how many are living a normal life where they're fulfilled, they're happy,

00:15:04.120 they're making a difference in people's lives?

00:15:05.860 I know of three of them that are.

00:15:07.720 Out of the 16?

00:15:08.560 And I, you know, I'm not certain as what the other, I know quite a few of them are really

00:15:12.300 struggling really, really badly.

00:15:16.440 And so, I mean, I haven't met all of them.

00:15:19.260 I've met quite a few of them.

00:15:21.420 But what I understand is that most of them are really struggling to really become something

00:15:27.600 in life with every opportunity, bar none.

00:15:31.860 There was nothing that they couldn't or were, you know, had the ability to do.

00:15:36.880 Yeah.

00:15:37.380 Grandfather, I think, gave about 400 million to Yale University.

00:15:40.260 So, he's really invested in education.

00:15:42.880 400 million to Yale.

00:15:43.500 To Yale University.

00:15:44.800 Very invested in education, believes in it.

00:15:48.000 And opportunity and wealth and all those things don't determine the outcome.

00:15:54.880 Ultimately, it comes down to regardless of what or how, it's my life.

00:15:59.040 If you're willing to look at your life and say, this is who I am and this is what I have

00:16:03.840 to give, it's a very simple formula.

00:16:06.000 You cannot be happy and you cannot be, have friends and you cannot find purpose in this

00:16:11.320 life until you know what you've got to give to impact the lives of others with.

00:16:14.220 Out of those 16, can you do anything to the other 13 that have no desire to change?

00:16:18.540 I met with one of them when Charlie was in town a few months back.

00:16:21.480 We went to Topgolf and the kid's a scratch golfer.

00:16:24.760 And he was on a scholarship at a university in Southern California.

00:16:30.140 He's not doing anything now.

00:16:32.400 I tried to reach out to him.

00:16:34.040 He was the first one that we actually worked with and continues just to struggle with life.

00:16:39.440 Didn't get past probably one semester at SMU and that was it.

00:16:43.740 And has not really gone back to school.

00:16:45.780 Has just drifted.

00:16:47.420 It's really sad because he's a really personable kid.

00:16:50.280 Really like him.

00:16:51.260 And my hope is we'll meet up again when Charlie comes into town and, you know, somehow that

00:16:57.360 I can impact his life.

00:16:58.460 But ultimately it comes down to choice.

00:17:01.300 So if I don't want to do anything, I don't want to change, there's nothing you can do

00:17:07.280 to help me change.

00:17:08.620 So step number one is me being willing to want to do something about it.

00:17:12.660 Yes.

00:17:12.900 So you're saying Charlie at the point where you had to go get him from his room and pull

00:17:17.460 him out.

00:17:18.200 He said, Mark, please help me.

00:17:21.040 I want to do something.

00:17:22.060 Absolutely.

00:17:22.640 Okay.

00:17:23.040 So step number one is a person wanting to change.

00:17:25.000 Okay.

00:17:25.700 So from your, is there a point of no return?

00:17:29.620 Is there like, you know, in, in, uh, you said you could pitch 90 miles an hour cricket,

00:17:34.400 right?

00:17:34.640 You could, you could jump high, you can do a lot of things, but you can't run very fast.

00:17:38.380 Right?

00:17:38.600 True.

00:17:38.960 Okay.

00:17:39.300 So that's what you were saying.

00:17:40.160 True.

00:17:40.360 So, uh, uh, but, but you know, there's certain people that you look at and you say, okay,

00:17:45.480 this guy can be saved and pitching, they'll say pass this age is too late.

00:17:49.300 You know, if you wave above this as a person that wants to go be a jockey for Kentucky, there

00:17:54.920 would be just not, you and I can never be jockeys.

00:17:56.760 Those horses wouldn't be able to race anybody.

00:17:58.960 It would be all the way in the back.

00:18:00.120 Okay.

00:18:00.540 Our bodies are not made for jockeys.

00:18:02.100 True.

00:18:02.720 But is there a point of no return to say, these kids can no longer be saved?

00:18:07.040 Is it 15?

00:18:07.920 Is it 20, 25, 30?

00:18:09.120 Or is it age doesn't matter?

00:18:11.160 It's the person says, I'm sick of it.

00:18:12.440 I want to change.

00:18:12.800 No, it doesn't matter.

00:18:13.160 I think it really does.

00:18:14.020 Okay.

00:18:14.140 Interesting.

00:18:14.640 I, I, I think after 16, 17, 18, it becomes very difficult and the older becomes more difficult.

00:18:21.560 But again, I, my, my personal belief is moral choice and spiritual choice, whatever you want

00:18:27.600 to call it, is available throughout our lives.

00:18:30.900 I, I think, I look at some people and I think they can never come back from this.

00:18:34.820 They're done.

00:18:35.960 They, they are just so hard or they just don't, nothing matters to them whatsoever.

00:18:41.560 And I, I've met a few.

00:18:43.500 And.

00:18:44.540 Very interesting.

00:18:45.320 But I, I just, I can never believe moral choice is taken away from people and the ability

00:18:49.780 to own their own lives and to say, how do I give to people honestly and openly?

00:18:55.460 So, so then I'll take a step back.

00:18:57.500 I read a book many years ago called 101 Questions to Ask Before We Get Engaged.

00:19:01.020 I, I'm all about anticipation.

00:19:02.840 I think if the people had a meeting today, three hour meeting with one of our executives,

00:19:07.080 very difficult meeting today.

00:19:08.460 They came in, he and his wife and I spent three hours talking about anticipation, anticipate

00:19:14.420 X, Y, Z.

00:19:15.400 Say I'm watching this, say I'm listening to this and I'm listening to what you're saying.

00:19:19.000 I'm saying, this is amazing.

00:19:20.820 And I just share this with my brother.

00:19:22.540 My brother's worth 120 million.

00:19:24.140 He just sold his stocks.

00:19:25.980 He just got married.

00:19:27.140 They're about to have kids or they have kids.

00:19:29.480 What are some things I, the $120 million person or the $600 million person that's building

00:19:35.400 a young family, what can they start doing now to prevent getting to the point of what

00:19:40.780 you're saying today?

00:19:43.440 It's the same with all the parenting.

00:19:45.140 I really believe it.

00:19:46.460 And that is you, you study your children, you watch them.

00:19:50.280 They're all unique.

00:19:51.000 They're all different.

00:19:51.580 I have three kids.

00:19:52.380 They are all so different.

00:19:54.140 It's looking at and it's beginning to say, what matters to my children?

00:19:58.900 Well, you know, with one, you can have a kid hurt in the playground and one runs up and

00:20:02.900 he's putting his arm around him and another one's running for help.

00:20:06.340 It's just, they, they react differently to things.

00:20:08.940 So it's really watching your kids.

00:20:11.080 It's saying, what do they love in terms of school?

00:20:13.700 You know, is it what subjects do they love in school?

00:20:15.920 Who are their friends?

00:20:16.680 What sort of people do they befriend?

00:20:18.860 Watch their emotions.

00:20:20.560 I watch my oldest son.

00:20:21.800 He's as steady as could be.

00:20:24.020 He is, you know, he, he takes things in stride.

00:20:27.420 My other son, Adam, can handle crisis.

00:20:29.840 It doesn't matter what crisis comes at him.

00:20:31.900 He will handle it.

00:20:33.320 Andre, you don't want to, again, have major crisis coming into his life.

00:20:36.700 He's not spontaneous at all, but he just handles life very slow, very pedantically.

00:20:41.380 And he handles it very well.

00:20:43.600 Everything is planned out.

00:20:44.840 Everything is, is well measured.

00:20:47.400 And so I think you really, as with everything in life, you study, you watch, you observe,

00:20:52.700 you ask them why, you know, why did you do that?

00:20:55.980 Why does it matter?

00:20:57.140 Why, why are these friends, people you want to be around?

00:21:00.100 What is it you've given to your friendships today?

00:21:02.880 What is it you did at school that made you come alive?

00:21:05.960 Something that I, I really got onto a few years ago is a concept called flow.

00:21:09.620 I don't know if you know much about flow.

00:21:11.640 In sports, they call it being in the zone.

00:21:14.500 In spirituality, you know, they, there's a movie called Chariots of Fire where he talks

00:21:19.500 about the pleasure of God.

00:21:21.580 And flow is when you find out what is exceptional about someone.

00:21:26.460 You, you find that high talent in different areas of life and you find places to engage

00:21:31.720 it.

00:21:32.440 You treat each child differently, but when you see that they have something exceptional,

00:21:36.620 you create opportunity for that specifically, not just in general, you know.

00:21:41.580 Can you, can you elaborate on that?

00:21:42.960 When you find that in something, you create opportunities for that specific thing.

00:21:46.780 What do you mean by that?

00:21:47.740 So you, you might have a kid who's really good at sport, but you know, you were a football

00:21:52.420 player, but this kid isn't a football player.

00:21:54.480 Maybe he's a, he's a baseball player.

00:21:56.840 You don't try and create him in your own image.

00:21:59.800 Feed, feed the stream.

00:22:01.820 Feed what direction it's going in.

00:22:03.400 Feed the things that your children love.

00:22:06.080 Flow, getting back to that is when you see a kid anxious, very often a child is being

00:22:10.440 pushed to do something they don't have a unique capacity to do.

00:22:14.480 So I think even in terms of college students, when you watch the anxiety that is so prevalent

00:22:19.220 on the university campuses, so many of them are trying to be something that they not, they

00:22:24.000 really don't even have the capacity.

00:22:25.960 A lot of them cheat.

00:22:26.940 A lot of them plagiarize.

00:22:28.160 So you've got all the software trying to catch kids plagiarizing and lying and anxiety is

00:22:33.900 just that.

00:22:34.540 It's trying to be something you're not.

00:22:36.520 You don't have the innate natural talent.

00:22:39.040 Flow is when you have that talent and you're given the opportunity.

00:22:42.860 You watch when time flies with a kid.

00:22:44.900 That's one of the hallmarks of flow.

00:22:47.080 A kid goes in their room and they start reading or they, they go out in the garden and they

00:22:51.000 start building a fort.

00:22:51.980 So, you know, and hours go by and the kid comes in and, you know, you say, well, where

00:22:56.100 were you?

00:22:56.440 And they said, well, I just went outside 10 minutes ago.

00:22:58.940 They've been out there three hours.

00:23:00.920 When you engage talent with, with a challenge, time flies.

00:23:06.420 Emotional problems go away.

00:23:08.500 People feel alert.

00:23:09.640 They feel alive.

00:23:10.440 They connect with other people.

00:23:12.420 So it's observing and understanding things like flow and talent engagement.

00:23:16.960 Were you, were you a, were you at the time a hundred million plus yourself when you were

00:23:21.420 raising your kids?

00:23:22.240 No, I was not.

00:23:23.200 You were not at a hundred million.

00:23:24.780 I've been homeless a number of times.

00:23:26.620 After I got my kids back, I came to this country.

00:23:29.980 I was from Zimbabwe.

00:23:31.800 Being from Zimbabwe, I ended up as a man without a country.

00:23:35.580 I ended up having to try and raise my kids, not being allowed to work a lot of the time.

00:23:40.840 My children were abducted.

00:23:42.440 I spent three years running around this planet trying to get my kids back.

00:23:45.440 I lost almost everything.

00:23:48.520 I lost, you know, I ended up living in a van with my kids at times.

00:23:54.180 Life did get better, but it also was up and down constantly.

00:23:58.380 In about 2008, I ended up going, trying to get a work permit.

00:24:02.360 Ended up in federal detention for a number of months and ankle bracelet for two years.

00:24:05.560 Really?

00:24:06.140 Because I'm a man without a country.

00:24:07.540 I'm here legally.

00:24:08.320 I always came in.

00:24:08.920 I came in legally.

00:24:10.080 He was always here legally.

00:24:11.060 But something got lost in Homeland Security after 9-11.

00:24:16.600 Life became very convoluted and rather complex for a long time.

00:24:20.240 I bet.

00:24:21.080 But you said you came to the States in 79, right?

00:24:23.900 To college in 79.

00:24:25.160 In 79.

00:24:25.640 And then you started, you moved to Seattle at 1990.

00:24:30.300 I went to South Africa after that.

00:24:31.920 I was actually a minister for about six years.

00:24:34.720 In South Africa.

00:24:35.380 In South Africa.

00:24:36.220 Got it.

00:24:36.500 Went through a divorce.

00:24:37.360 My wife left.

00:24:38.320 She was from Seattle.

00:24:39.880 So went back there and ended up in a big custody case where she abducted the children two more times.

00:24:46.520 So you moved there because that's where the kids were at.

00:24:48.360 Yeah.

00:24:49.840 I'm a father.

00:24:50.680 I love my children.

00:24:51.520 Of course.

00:24:52.000 No doubt.

00:24:52.760 So your story is very interesting all over the place you've been and the stuff you've done.

00:24:58.260 But going back to the question about somebody watching this, they're worth $120 million, $600 million.

00:25:03.860 The challenges, like when I was coming up, the challenges I had as a kid, my parents were divorced.

00:25:08.800 They didn't have a lot of money.

00:25:10.180 You know, I wasn't, my mom thought I was a drug dealer.

00:25:12.080 My mom thought I was like the, you know, she was wondering what this guy was, all these other things.

00:25:16.320 So people were coming in and out all the time.

00:25:18.840 But it is different, I would assume, if a kid is raised in a family worth $100 million plus, right?

00:25:25.860 I would assume that's a very big difference.

00:25:28.160 What are those challenges that parents can see?

00:25:31.440 Because right now, like in Plano, we're right now in Addison, headquarters in Addison.

00:25:35.820 Plano is down the street.

00:25:36.680 When we were first moving to Texas, when we were looking at different cities, they said Plano had a massive heroin epidemic back in the 90s and the 80s.

00:25:45.380 And all these kids were using heroin.

00:25:47.040 And everybody here was talking about, be careful with Plano.

00:25:50.240 And I said, how did it even take place?

00:25:52.160 Then I started asking.

00:25:53.240 Then they said, listen, you know, a private school, parents have access to more money and these kids get bigger allowances.

00:25:59.360 And one kid found out about heroin and he tested it and he shared it with other people.

00:26:02.960 Next thing you know, it lasted 15, 20 years.

00:26:05.040 Okay?

00:26:05.180 That's the story of Plano.

00:26:06.900 What are some of the challenges you see with parents who have that, who are just having a newborn?

00:26:12.700 Because I know I asked you a question.

00:26:13.920 I said, do you think there's a point where it's too late?

00:26:15.800 And you said, yes, there is.

00:26:17.280 But I've also seen people change, right?

00:26:19.500 What are some of those preventative things a parent of kids, a parent worth 100 plus, mega wealthy, what can they do now?

00:26:28.300 And I know some of the stuff you said is the same as everything else.

00:26:30.520 It's the raising kids, all this other stuff.

00:26:31.980 There's got to be something that's different about a parent that's 100 million versus somebody else.

00:26:35.340 What are some things they can do now so they can prevent some of these things from happening?

00:26:38.740 I think it's also, it's looking, analyzing that differently.

00:26:42.560 Some parents have that 100 million because they inherited it.

00:26:46.300 Others have earned it.

00:26:47.460 I think it's really important to give kids chores early on, to have them be responsible for certain parts of their environment, their rooms, cutting the grass, learning how to do simple things that you don't pay, you know, you can pay others to do, but you do them as a family.

00:27:05.000 I think it's vitally important that both parents be on the same page, that you can't go to one and ask for something and they say no, and you go to the other and you can manipulate them.

00:27:14.680 And that is common to most, you know, most situations.

00:27:18.460 But teaching young, you know, young lives to take control of their lives early.

00:27:24.920 If they need a tutor, make sure they need a tutor.

00:27:27.500 Don't just hire a tutor because they're not, you know, they're lazy.

00:27:31.780 You've got to push them.

00:27:32.600 You make sure that they attempt something before you bring in outside help.

00:27:37.940 Simply getting outside help and allowing kids not to develop is problematic.

00:27:43.800 Thinking you can hire an expert for everything.

00:27:46.620 Parents are the best experts in a child's life.

00:27:49.440 Thinking you can hire a psychiatrist, psychologist, educational consultant.

00:27:52.900 Good parenting, present parenting, being around and being present in your child's lives when you've got every opportunity to travel and be everywhere else and be working 80 hours a week.

00:28:05.660 I think that that will hurt you.

00:28:08.040 It will hurt anyone.

00:28:09.820 Being a, you know, having a father present in his child, you know, his children's lives.

00:28:13.640 Yeah.

00:28:14.140 I think is more vital, especially in the teenage years than anything.

00:28:18.080 It's not that mothers become irrelevant.

00:28:19.840 But as soon as you've got a child, especially a boy, who is taller than his mother, at that point where he can look his mother in the eye, there becomes a power struggle right there.

00:28:30.200 And that's why, you know, for me as a parent, you're a big guy.

00:28:33.080 I'm a big guy.

00:28:34.380 But it requires a bit of pushing around with your children.

00:28:37.060 It requires being physical with your children.

00:28:39.780 It requires interacting with them.

00:28:42.000 What do you mean by physical?

00:28:42.780 Not hurting them, but playing games with them.

00:28:45.360 Roughhousing, yeah, playing on the ground.

00:28:47.000 Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah.

00:28:47.700 But aligned to know.

00:28:48.160 I thought you were saying about going and boxing with these boys and just toughening up a little bit.

00:28:51.820 It is, but it's being a bigger physical presence than they are.

00:28:54.920 So many issues we have with police now is that, you know, teenagers don't respect police.

00:29:00.240 They're told to stop, and no one's ever stopped them before.

00:29:04.340 Parents never said don't, and the parent grabbed them and said that's enough.

00:29:09.380 I had to do with my children.

00:29:11.140 I mean, I come back one day, and I'm looking for my kids, and we just moved to a really nice house near Microsoft from these apartments, and I couldn't find them.

00:29:19.800 And they'd gone back to the apartments, and I go looking for them, and I smell them down in this ravine smoking weed.

00:29:25.240 So I said nothing, got them back to the house.

00:29:27.000 And I grabbed my 16-year-old at that point, and I picked him up and put him against the wall.

00:29:33.060 And, you know, my daughter was screaming her head off.

00:29:36.940 My 14-year-old son's like, leave him alone.

00:29:39.600 I didn't hurt him, but I got his attention.

00:29:41.840 I got it very physically to say, don't you ever.

00:29:45.360 You know, you don't ever put yourself, and you don't put your family, your brother in a situation like that again.

00:29:51.900 And, you know, it just requires you being there.

00:29:58.180 It requires you being a presence.

00:30:00.880 And that demonstrates love.

00:30:03.400 Thinking you can give your kids things that are more valuable than you, you lose.

00:30:09.940 You will always lose.

00:30:10.900 Thinking you can give your kids things that are more valuable than you, you will lose.

00:30:15.240 Your own presence and your own.

00:30:16.600 Your own presence, kind of.

00:30:17.960 So running down, I bought you a car, I bought you a house, I bought you this, rather than I'm giving you my time.

00:30:22.900 Mm-hmm.

00:30:24.620 Very interesting.

00:30:25.460 Yeah.

00:30:25.560 And you were saying, when we were talking, you were saying something about Harvard.

00:30:30.380 The kids are struggling right now with anxiety and panic attacks, and they're having to hire more psychologists to deal with these students that are dealing with anxiety and panic.

00:30:39.120 Do you see that as an increase?

00:30:40.960 Are we having more panic and anxiety attacks today than before, and why is that?

00:30:44.060 It is the major issue on college campuses now.

00:30:46.500 The American Psychological Association, I hate doing statistics stuff, but about two years ago, talked about 60% of college students will seek help for anxiety-related issues.

00:30:58.480 You know, normally within their first year, they're going to seek out a therapist because they're anxious, they're worried.

00:31:03.620 They've never looked up enough from their phone, and now they're away from home, and they've got to live with a new roommate.

00:31:09.100 They've got to engage with people on campus.

00:31:11.460 They don't know how to do it without getting drunk, without getting wasted.

00:31:14.440 And somehow, the way in which you form social relationships is going out and getting drunk with people or hooking up with people.

00:31:23.360 And then all of a sudden, you know, you've got to deal with the aftermath of all of that, and it's problematic.

00:31:29.700 One of our board members is a lady called Dr. Monique Ranier, and she was the Dean of Students at Harvard.

00:31:34.300 And she said her primary task when she was there was to set up and to hire new therapists to be able to deal with what she called a pool of anxiety.

00:31:42.760 And you think, you want to go to Harvard, greatest place on the planet for education.

00:31:50.300 And it's just this cesspool of anxiety.

00:31:53.120 Everybody worried.

00:31:54.180 Everybody acting out, doing things that are crazy.

00:31:58.060 What are they worried about?

00:31:59.160 I mean, is it the pressures of social media?

00:32:01.720 Is it the pressures of who's got the bigger butt, who's got more followers, who's getting more likes, who's getting better grades?

00:32:06.800 Or what is the pressure?

00:32:07.920 Everything.

00:32:08.440 Because once you go to Harvard, pretty much your life's made.

00:32:11.400 You have a network of people that when you need a job, you leave Harvard, you've got a job.

00:32:16.660 You're not going to have to worry about much because that network, as with most Ivy League schools, that's why parents want them to go there.

00:32:23.020 You've got a network of extreme wealth.

00:32:25.340 Yeah.

00:32:25.820 You've got Harvard with almost $40 billion in an endowment fund.

00:32:28.760 And they don't have to charge for anything.

00:32:30.140 Sure.

00:32:30.380 They do.

00:32:31.480 But it's just a way to keep, you know, the alumni connected and pouring money in and getting tech, you know, anyhow.

00:32:37.580 But why, you would think, why would someone be anxious?

00:32:40.400 Why would wealthy kids be anxious?

00:32:43.100 And it's all the same thing.

00:32:44.220 I think so many of these kids of the Ivy Leagues have only ever been factored or analyzed from one perspective.

00:32:50.240 They're excellent academically.

00:32:51.860 They know how to memorize and they know how to perform academically.

00:32:56.060 But if they don't get the score on a test that they think they deserve, they fall apart.

00:33:03.560 They will act out.

00:33:04.740 They will hire attorneys.

00:33:06.340 They will.

00:33:07.240 For grades.

00:33:08.640 For grades.

00:33:09.700 They're hiring attorneys for grades.

00:33:11.180 Oh, they will hire them.

00:33:12.700 And teachers are petrified.

00:33:16.120 It's very, it's almost impossible to get a C in most Ivy League universities now.

00:33:21.160 Try and get a C.

00:33:22.840 You won't get it.

00:33:23.860 You'll get an A or a B.

00:33:24.760 And it's almost like they've been taken off the table because they don't, again, the administration doesn't want to have to deal with the ramifications of some kid who they admitted and said is proficient to be in Harvard.

00:33:38.260 They, that means they're not, they're not able to get a C.

00:33:41.300 And it, it, it's really a very false, I mean, it's very demanding.

00:33:47.340 It's an amazing place to be.

00:33:49.320 But when you're only know your life based on how you can perform academically and how your mind can work.

00:33:54.300 And then all of a sudden, you're out of your home environment and with, you know, a few thousand other kids who are just as bright as you, you're not special anymore.

00:34:04.620 Everybody else is special as well.

00:34:06.300 They came from, and I find it with athletes as well.

00:34:09.320 Go to college, you are the best soccer player or football player.

00:34:12.560 You got to go to college.

00:34:14.340 Everybody else is the best as well in their, in their high school.

00:34:17.100 So isn't, isn't some of that good?

00:34:18.600 Isn't some of that like normal?

00:34:20.580 You know, because sometimes like what I look for is the following.

00:34:23.100 Here's what I look for.

00:34:23.780 I look for, you know, uh, uh, you know, we used to do this much business.

00:34:28.800 Now we're doing this much, but the quality used to be, you know, very good.

00:34:32.520 Now the quality is bad.

00:34:33.600 So I want to find out, wait a minute, what happened here for the quality to get built, right?

00:34:36.420 Running a business.

00:34:36.960 So how much of this is today of the anxiety and panic versus how much of it is, I mean, 50 years ago, I was a good athlete in high school.

00:34:46.800 Then I went to college.

00:34:48.280 Oh my gosh, these guys are so much better.

00:34:50.160 And I go into the NBA or MLB or whatever.

00:34:52.360 I'm like, there's so much more pressure to perform or else I lose my contract or Hollywood.

00:34:56.620 You know, women or men, you got a little bit of a belly.

00:34:59.260 This guy, who's the Aquaman's guy?

00:35:01.120 What's his name?

00:35:01.700 The Aquaman actor's name.

00:35:02.780 What is his name?

00:35:03.860 Jason Momoa.

00:35:04.740 Did I say it right?

00:35:05.320 So this Jason Momoa guy, good looking guy, right?

00:35:08.100 I mean, people think this guy is an absolute stud.

00:35:10.400 Sure.

00:35:10.720 He posted a picture the other day.

00:35:12.380 I don't know if you saw this or heard about this.

00:35:13.860 I've heard about it.

00:35:14.240 I haven't even seen it.

00:35:14.540 Yeah, he posted a picture.

00:35:15.640 Somebody got a picture of him and they have a belly.

00:35:17.880 Twitter goes crazy off this guy, right?

00:35:20.080 Look at this guy.

00:35:20.840 He looks like a dad.

00:35:21.740 What happened to this guy?

00:35:22.640 He used to be a stud and now he looks like a dad.

00:35:24.380 All this other stuff.

00:35:25.480 But is it new or is it just more, you know, bigger today because of social media?

00:35:32.340 We see it faster.

00:35:33.440 There's more eyeballs to it.

00:35:34.480 So are a lot of these anxiety and panic attacks that we hear about today, is it truly going

00:35:39.980 higher because of social media or is it just, hey, it's what we're going to go through.

00:35:43.840 Our kids are going to go through.

00:35:44.760 You and I went through it.

00:35:45.580 Everybody's going to go through it.

00:35:46.820 I think it's worse.

00:35:48.000 I really do.

00:35:48.420 I think social media really fuels it and social media lets us live in a very, on a very shallow

00:35:55.240 basis.

00:35:56.500 And it's a very fast basis.

00:35:58.320 It's very shallow.

00:35:59.260 And I think if you don't have the depth to know who you are, you will be taken out.

00:36:04.720 If you can't see yourself as bigger than the criticism, because you know, you know, I did

00:36:09.620 forensics for many years.

00:36:10.780 And one of the things that you learn in forensics when you go to trial is if you don't have the

00:36:15.400 evidence and you can't argue the evidence, you've got a real problem.

00:36:19.340 You can't just, you can't make a lot of noise and think that you're going to get through

00:36:23.500 and somehow you're not going to get cross-examined.

00:36:26.200 But if you are convinced of the evidence and you've done the work and you've done the forensics,

00:36:31.300 you've done the eyewitness testimony, you've done the forensic testing, the DNA, you've

00:36:35.360 got all the, you've got all the facts.

00:36:37.300 If you don't have the facts, you've got to shout and scream.

00:36:40.680 And if you don't have the facts, you will, you will drop.

00:36:44.380 It's the same with bullying.

00:36:45.640 You're not going to stop bullying on any, you know, whether it's corporate bullying

00:36:49.660 or academic or in high schools, you've got to make kids stronger because bullies will

00:36:55.060 always be there and bullies know how to find the weak.

00:36:58.880 And if you don't have something to come back at a bully with to say, no, I am, this is what

00:37:03.380 I know about myself, you become the prey of the bully.

00:37:06.940 So you can be academically bullied.

00:37:08.820 You can be physically bullied.

00:37:10.680 You know, I did an interview two, three years ago at the local station here about bullying

00:37:14.780 and, you know, at Richardson High School, we run an out-of-school suspension program there.

00:37:19.780 And I basically told, you know, this mother that I was dealing with, you know, as part

00:37:23.740 of the interview, I said, take your kid and let him, you know, do martial arts.

00:37:27.280 If you want to help your kid not get bullied on the way back from school, you get your kid

00:37:31.700 stronger physically.

00:37:32.560 He may not be big physically now, but teach him how to protect himself.

00:37:36.740 Teach him something that he's going to learn that he can counteract that, not have to run.

00:37:42.580 You know, he doesn't run fast enough to outrun these bullies.

00:37:45.900 Same academically.

00:37:46.980 Find something that you're great at socially.

00:37:49.860 Find a place where you can demonstrate capacity and can demonstrate how you can impact and touch

00:37:54.860 people's lives with.

00:37:56.580 So when you do that, you always have a place where you shine.

00:37:59.600 You've always got a place where you have something to give that's important to life.

00:38:03.880 So you're saying bullying is something that's inevitable.

00:38:08.220 And so forget about as a kid coming up, bullying as an adult.

00:38:11.560 So what is a solution to prevent bullying from happening to you?

00:38:14.260 Because it's not going to go away.

00:38:15.500 I mean, bullying happens in business.

00:38:17.320 Bullying happens in sales.

00:38:18.800 Bullying happens with everywhere, right?

00:38:20.240 No matter if you're six years old, 15 years old, 22 years old, or 45 years old.

00:38:24.460 That happens.

00:38:25.220 How do you handle bullying as an adult?

00:38:27.360 And I'm not saying bullying as in, hey, you're driving to work.

00:38:30.680 I open the window and I hit you in the face.

00:38:32.260 I'm talking bullying psychologically.

00:38:33.900 Yeah, social media.

00:38:34.840 You can be bullied all the time.

00:38:36.800 But, you know, and if you don't know that you have something exceptional and somebody says,

00:38:42.900 you're useless, you are fat, you are this, you, if you don't know what you've got, again,

00:38:48.880 it's just simple.

00:38:49.800 It sounds trite.

00:38:51.500 It sounds.

00:38:52.220 What do you mean by you don't know what you've got?

00:38:53.840 Is it like if you don't know what you have to offer to the world, what do you mean when

00:38:57.220 you say when you don't know what you've got?

00:38:58.300 So someone says, oh, she's so stupid.

00:39:00.000 She doesn't, you know, all she can do is show her boob.

00:39:01.900 I mean, you know, it gets kind of crass.

00:39:04.140 But it's saying, no, you know what?

00:39:07.080 Who I am is I go volunteer on the weekends.

00:39:09.620 I tutor kids.

00:39:11.500 When you're bullied and things are said about you that are untrue and you have to try and

00:39:16.680 react to the untruth of something, you can never win.

00:39:19.640 You've got to pull, but you've just got to let it go.

00:39:22.000 You can't defend what isn't.

00:39:24.460 You can't defend what isn't.

00:39:25.860 Well, you can't.

00:39:26.500 How do you defend an accusation that has an assessment?

00:39:29.180 But if you don't say anything, then that becomes a truth to most people because you didn't defend

00:39:32.380 it, isn't it?

00:39:33.400 Because if you, you talk about the current administration, you know, the guy, he doesn't

00:39:38.140 let anybody say anything about this guy.

00:39:39.760 He comes back in the text.

00:39:40.540 So are you saying what he's doing in that approach may not be most effective?

00:39:45.020 Because a lot of times I'll have, yesterday we did a meeting with this lady, phenomenal

00:39:50.960 lady.

00:39:51.400 We brought her in to kind of take the culture of home office because we have sales and we

00:39:55.820 have home office.

00:39:56.420 So we brought her in as a mediator to kind of see what she can do to bring out the best.

00:40:01.520 So she interviewed everybody.

00:40:02.600 Everybody, she has 26 questions.

00:40:04.780 We've been dealing, we've been going through with this for a few weeks.

00:40:06.820 And yesterday we sat down, we had this conversation and everybody kind of started saying, well,

00:40:10.980 you know, we're this and we're that, we're this.

00:40:13.200 Then she went through the deck and she said, here's what these people said.

00:40:17.920 And here's what that, but this, but no name.

00:40:19.880 So nobody could tell who was frustrated with what, right?

00:40:22.880 So then I paused and I said, I want you guys to know something here.

00:40:26.320 You know, the seven things here, I'm going to stop, pause, and I'm going to address it

00:40:30.440 with everybody because if I don't, this, that is someone's truth, but it's not the truth

00:40:36.220 could become the truth if I don't defend it.

00:40:38.680 And here's what I want to do with the seven.

00:40:40.480 Do you guys have any challenge with these seven?

00:40:42.300 So I kind of went through the points I have to make.

00:40:43.820 Then enough people came in and we realized who some of the people that said these statements,

00:40:47.800 then it got clear.

00:40:48.420 No, that's not the truth here in the office.

00:40:50.340 But you're saying is if somebody says something, if it's not the truth, you're saying don't defend it?

00:40:55.780 Well, in most circumstances, I mean, really, I mean, many years ago, I was accused of something

00:41:00.980 I never did.

00:41:01.980 It took three years for it to figure out and almost 20 for all the truth to come out.

00:41:08.700 What I had to focus on is what I knew, that I was a father and I was going to be present

00:41:14.640 in the lives of my children.

00:41:16.940 It hurt opportunities for work.

00:41:19.520 It hurt opportunities for jobs.

00:41:20.900 It hurt opportunities for many things.

00:41:23.120 Ultimately, you've got to choose what you value in life.

00:41:25.960 Would you have done anything differently with that on what accusations happened with you?

00:41:30.020 I couldn't.

00:41:30.780 Oh, you couldn't.

00:41:31.320 Because they were untrue.

00:41:31.960 I mean, to be accused of something untrue, you know, I had to go to court and I had to

00:41:36.960 disprove them to the best of my ability.

00:41:40.020 So I think, you know.

00:41:41.560 I guess the point is.

00:41:42.780 Sure.

00:41:43.160 So here's what I mean by that.

00:41:44.620 Instagram.

00:41:45.160 People get on there and they say what they say.

00:41:46.680 Okay.

00:41:47.060 I don't have time to go through 700 comments and they tell me, oh, here's what happened.

00:41:51.440 Here's what happened.

00:41:51.960 And here's what's going on with this.

00:41:52.840 Here's what's going on with that.

00:41:53.720 I don't have time for that.

00:41:54.820 Sure.

00:41:54.940 Right.

00:41:55.060 I don't have time to go through all that stuff.

00:41:56.820 But if a person who is a credible person and is a known person decides to attack and

00:42:03.920 they start fabricating some words and saying, you know, here's what they're doing, creating

00:42:07.480 rumors, defamation of character, whatever you want to call it.

00:42:10.480 Aren't those two different things, though?

00:42:12.440 I think they are.

00:42:13.240 Yeah.

00:42:13.640 I have a sister at the moment who's dealing with an issue like that.

00:42:16.100 And, you know, she's had to seek legal counsel for that and is going to be dealing with it.

00:42:22.220 But it's hurt her ability to function as a professional, you know, for 30 years, no

00:42:27.920 issue.

00:42:29.120 And then has to have someone, the husband of the person she has the issue with, go to

00:42:34.460 a professional board and lie about her.

00:42:36.380 It got kicked out after about two years.

00:42:39.120 But, you know, these things will hurt.

00:42:42.320 But I think ultimately it's what do you know at the core of who you are that is strong,

00:42:47.280 that is steady.

00:42:48.960 And I think we get so distracted from really engaging and impacting the lives of other

00:42:54.660 people.

00:42:55.740 There will always be critics in our lives that will never stop.

00:42:58.780 Know that about it.

00:42:59.180 There will be people who will hurt us the more successful you become.

00:43:02.640 There will be people who will want to hurt you.

00:43:04.440 And so the choice is how much time do you give to them rather than going and finding

00:43:10.300 more opportunities to grow and develop your business and grow and to develop your relationship.

00:43:17.680 You know, it's the same with personal relationships with the husband and wife.

00:43:21.140 You know, someone may say something.

00:43:23.360 But, you know, I know with my wife that I have full trust in her.

00:43:26.700 I didn't for many years because of what happened with my first marriage.

00:43:30.280 But I know my wife can trust me.

00:43:32.160 I have, there's not a question.

00:43:35.100 Oh, I saw it for Italy in a few weeks' time.

00:43:37.500 You know, with a number of women.

00:43:38.920 We have a thing called Retreat to Tuscany.

00:43:41.200 And she's going to be there for 10 years.

00:43:43.620 I don't, I have no fear of what my wife will do.

00:43:48.940 And she has no fear of what I will do while she's away.

00:43:51.460 I trust her.

00:43:52.400 How different is that now than it was before?

00:43:55.980 Was it accusations or, you know what I'm saying?

00:43:59.020 Like, what's the difference?

00:43:59.740 I know her for who she is.

00:44:04.000 Rather than, you know, I think so much in terms of relationship, we get attracted to people.

00:44:08.240 We put on a front.

00:44:09.420 They see us for what we project to them.

00:44:12.840 And what I really learned in the many years I was not married is that when I look to be in relationship with someone,

00:44:20.080 I want them to know who I am, the best of who I am, to describe my strengths, have people that know me be able to authenticate that truth,

00:44:29.760 that I have a track record, that she can see me in action in the different parts of my life, that I can see her, that I know her for who she is.

00:44:37.660 Not for her pain, not for her failings, not for any—those things are all common to life.

00:44:43.700 We all have our pain.

00:44:44.640 We all have our trauma.

00:44:45.960 We all have the things that we fear in life.

00:44:47.580 You're speaking like a pastor right now.

00:44:49.280 I am.

00:44:49.720 You're speaking like a preacher right now.

00:44:50.920 You're the strengths.

00:44:51.960 Yeah.

00:44:52.460 No, I'm with that.

00:44:53.340 What you give to relationship, not what you have to fix in the other person.

00:44:57.060 No, I'm fully with that.

00:44:59.080 But you—for a second, I'm like, I'm out of church, and Pastor Mark is speaking right there, and he's saying—

00:45:05.040 I've been there for many years, for 30 years.

00:45:06.640 Yeah, but—so let's transition.

00:45:08.720 I know you and I were talking earlier, and you said that Howard Schultz's name came up, right?

00:45:14.860 We were talking about Howard Schultz, and we're talking about—I don't know how Howard Schultz—how did Howard Schultz come up?

00:45:19.000 What were we talking about?

00:45:19.740 I did work for his company, Maveron, back in the late 90s.

00:45:24.240 Maveron is his venture capital company.

00:45:25.940 Yes, you work with his Maveron, with the venture capital company.

00:45:28.700 And then the conversation went from there to, you know, him running for office, and I said, I don't think Howard Schultz knows how to answer tough questions.

00:45:39.380 He gets rattled.

00:45:40.080 He gets nervous, and you can't do that.

00:45:42.040 Maybe some of these guys are better one-on-one people than they are—what do you call it?

00:45:45.920 Camera-on-you people, because there's two different types of—

00:45:48.280 Yeah, there's people—there's people I've seen one-on-one that are unbelievably powerful.

00:45:54.140 You put them on stage, they are horrible.

00:45:56.520 And then there's people I've seen that are incredible on stage.

00:45:59.260 You put them one-on-one, they're so nervous with you.

00:46:01.140 They can't even hang with a conversation.

00:46:02.360 So, obviously, Howard doesn't build a company of 400,000 employees not being good one-on-one.

00:46:07.740 That's very obvious.

00:46:08.740 Yeah.

00:46:09.040 You don't build a company of 400,000 employees and go and do where Starbucks now is everywhere.

00:46:14.180 And then I asked you a question.

00:46:15.460 I said, did you have dealings?

00:46:16.340 You said, yes.

00:46:17.320 Then you said you were part of a board where you were in a room—correct me if I'm wrong.

00:46:22.520 I had to report to the board.

00:46:23.760 You had to report to the board with—it was yourself to report to the board, Melinda Gates—

00:46:29.200 Jeff Bezos.

00:46:30.000 Jeff Bezos and Howard Schultz.

00:46:31.420 One or two others, yeah.

00:46:32.600 And Howard Schultz was one of them.

00:46:33.660 He was one.

00:46:34.080 So, how was that when you were dealing with, you know, three personalities?

00:46:39.360 One is the wife, and now they run the Gates Foundation and two trillion-dollar company guys.

00:46:46.240 That's right.

00:46:46.680 And the number one coffee company in the world.

00:46:48.960 How was that, watching all these personalities there corresponding and working together?

00:46:54.900 It was actually really very controlled, very quiet.

00:46:58.780 Dan Leviton, who's the CEO of Maveron, really controlled most of it.

00:47:04.080 Schultz is the money behind it all.

00:47:06.060 You know, the Gateses had invested in it because it was healthcare, early dot-com trying to

00:47:11.860 deliver medicine, you know, over the internet and over phones.

00:47:17.100 But Jeff Bezos was very young in his business back then.

00:47:20.100 Simply had the warehouse, was only doing books.

00:47:22.720 It was actually really very reserved.

00:47:24.800 It was 2000.

00:47:26.860 Oh, so that's only a few years after he had been around.

00:47:30.640 Wow.

00:47:31.260 So, but he was on the board.

00:47:32.700 And he was already being seen by, I think, the other tech giants at that time as being

00:47:38.820 someone who was going somewhere.

00:47:41.220 And Melinda Gates was very, very kind, very thoughtful.

00:47:47.020 I don't think did a lot that I can remember.

00:47:49.080 I mean, it's 20 years ago almost.

00:47:50.780 But Schultz is very, very thoughtful.

00:47:54.380 I mean, very strategic and also very, I think, very strong as a personality in a boardroom like

00:48:02.100 that.

00:48:02.420 He was very strong as a personality.

00:48:04.060 Really?

00:48:04.720 Yeah.

00:48:04.840 Very controlled, very quiet, but very strong.

00:48:07.820 Wow.

00:48:08.120 Dan Leviton was the guy, very engaging.

00:48:10.080 He was the CEO of Maveron.

00:48:12.000 Was Schultz a stronger personality or Bezos?

00:48:16.180 Schultz.

00:48:17.300 Schultz.

00:48:17.880 I think Bezos is far brighter academically.

00:48:22.160 I mean, intellectually.

00:48:23.700 I think he's just brilliant.

00:48:25.360 I think Schultz is someone who just, who works very hard, who will not give up under any circumstance.

00:48:30.840 I think Bezos is the same, but Bezos has a far greater vision and is far more expansive

00:48:37.200 in the way that he looks at the world.

00:48:39.920 Where Schultz has really, he's got one product and he's developed that one product into something

00:48:45.180 that has scaled, kind of, but it's still the same product.

00:48:48.560 Now, what's crazy about where you live, Seattle, I mean, you're talking about Bezos, Gates,

00:48:52.840 Schultz.

00:48:53.680 I mean, that's, and then obviously you have the rest of the names.

00:48:56.460 You got Paul Allen, who's no longer.

00:48:57.840 That's right.

00:48:58.280 And then Balmer, who moved to, you know, L.A.

00:49:02.440 But that is a, I mean, two out of the four trillion dollar companies are out of the same

00:49:06.720 city.

00:49:07.400 You had Boeing there.

00:49:08.560 You've got a lot of other ones.

00:49:09.400 Yeah.

00:49:09.540 It's like REI, which are much smaller, but there are a lot of great, I mean, amazing companies.

00:49:14.380 Why is that?

00:49:15.060 Why is that?

00:49:15.740 Why?

00:49:17.140 It's kind of like pure fluke, like, you know, Armenians, I'll tell you a funny story.

00:49:20.800 Yeah.

00:49:21.260 Every Middle Eastern Armenian lives in Glendale, California, right?

00:49:25.760 Assyrians, Torlach.

00:49:26.760 The other day I spoke at Modesto with a thousand people, a couple hundred Assyrians showed up

00:49:30.580 in Torlach, from Torlach, right?

00:49:32.080 Or, you know, you have Iranians, Persians live in Beverly Hills or Santa Monica, right?

00:49:37.440 Why, why Seattle?

00:49:38.940 I don't know.

00:49:39.340 You've got serial killers in Seattle as well.

00:49:41.640 I mean, they all come from Seattle.

00:49:42.900 I mean, they really do.

00:49:44.400 Vancouver and Seattle, where the world's greatest serial killers hail from.

00:49:48.140 So, I don't know whether to stay inside all day thinking through issues and it's, you know,

00:49:52.840 too much rain and the weather.

00:49:54.540 I don't know.

00:49:55.220 Maybe it's the precipice.

00:49:56.540 I don't know.

00:49:57.400 I really don't.

00:49:58.320 You know, I would be curious to have somebody do, because, you know, they did a study on

00:50:01.120 why Silicon Valley and how that became what it is.

00:50:03.800 And now they're trying to do it to Austin and Atlanta's music, Nashville's music, some

00:50:08.220 of these places.

00:50:08.800 But, I'd be curious to know about Seattle.

00:50:11.000 So, you know, Gates.

00:50:13.120 I know Bill Gates.

00:50:14.320 I've heard many different things about Bill Gates, right?

00:50:17.260 Personality-wise, you see Steve Jobs and you say, oh my gosh.

00:50:20.600 I mean, I've heard Steve Jobs throw stuff around and we watch the movies about Steve Jobs.

00:50:24.560 One was Ashton Kutcher played it.

00:50:26.480 Another one was played by another guy.

00:50:27.940 It was like, almost like a year, two years that all these movies were coming out about

00:50:30.880 Steve Jobs.

00:50:31.360 I don't know if you remember that.

00:50:32.140 So, you're like, who is really Steve Jobs?

00:50:34.440 But, Bill Gates, not everybody knows.

00:50:36.840 You just kind of read about who he was and I hear that his temper was out of control

00:50:42.360 where he was almost maniacal about what he wanted to do.

00:50:45.760 So, having worked with a lot of these folks, some of them were billionaires that you worked

00:50:49.460 with that were associated with some of these companies, what can you tell us about Bill

00:50:55.000 Gates' personality that you know about?

00:50:56.960 I know a lot of people who worked really closely with him.

00:50:59.300 I mean, I really have.

00:51:00.180 Back in the...

00:51:00.780 Because I got to Seattle in 91 and Seattle, you know, Microsoft was big but it wasn't nearly

00:51:05.700 that big.

00:51:06.340 And I've worked with a lot of people, you know, early hundred employees and whatever

00:51:10.360 else.

00:51:11.220 But I think he has something that's called Asperger's, which is generally very, you know,

00:51:17.400 analytical and very strong academically in terms of the sciences and obviously computer

00:51:22.320 science.

00:51:23.480 But as strong as they are in the intellect and the scientific part of life, the logic,

00:51:30.100 it almost diminishes their social capacity and their emotional capacity.

00:51:33.620 They don't feel.

00:51:35.260 So, the boundaries and they wouldn't worry about saying something that would hurt somebody

00:51:39.720 else.

00:51:40.740 Get it done.

00:51:42.180 You know, why do you want to go home?

00:51:43.980 What do you got to go home for?

00:51:45.680 Gates got married somewhat late in life.

00:51:47.520 I mean, you know, probably around in his 40s.

00:51:49.980 Because, why relationship?

00:51:52.940 You know, it's not important.

00:51:55.000 What's important is the code.

00:51:56.220 Get the code out.

00:51:57.640 And when I first got...

00:51:58.540 You know, I'd go to the campus of Microsoft and I spoke to the head of HR many years ago.

00:52:04.480 And she actually said, you know, one of the things we value with people is ADHD and ADD.

00:52:10.520 Because they think creatively.

00:52:12.600 We want people who can work and they can almost work in hyperstates for a few days.

00:52:17.160 Because that's really the DNA of what Microsoft was in the early days.

00:52:21.060 They wouldn't sleep for two, three days.

00:52:22.660 And they would be found under a desk after a few days.

00:52:25.620 Get the job done.

00:52:27.260 And think analytically.

00:52:28.840 Think creatively.

00:52:29.820 Think in these hyperstates.

00:52:31.140 And if you get the job done, you get the project done.

00:52:34.460 That's what matters.

00:52:35.940 And that's so much what Microsoft is.

00:52:37.880 It's very project oriented.

00:52:40.020 You work in a project.

00:52:41.620 You're an employee of Microsoft.

00:52:43.040 When the project's done, you actually go through an interview process to be involved in new projects.

00:52:48.760 Or maybe even in a new division.

00:52:51.060 You know, you can actually very often choose to move around.

00:52:53.860 And you apply to become part of a team.

00:52:58.420 So get the job done.

00:52:59.760 Get that project done.

00:53:00.880 Get that product finished and out of there.

00:53:03.900 So it's almost like a...

00:53:05.700 I read a book, two books.

00:53:06.980 One is called First Rate Madness.

00:53:09.040 And another book called Hypomanic Edge.

00:53:11.180 And it talked about the level of craziness and success in America.

00:53:15.900 Like how many...

00:53:17.100 And he talked about bipolar, ADHD, hypomanic, hypomanic, then Asperger's.

00:53:26.200 Is it Asperger's or is it Asperger's?

00:53:28.200 Asperger's.

00:53:28.760 B-E-R-G-E-R-S.

00:53:30.360 G-R-K.

00:53:31.220 So all of these things you read about and you say, you know, there's even autism.

00:53:35.100 There's a certain level of genius in it, right?

00:53:37.200 So I've worked with a few people that had Asperger's and it was very interesting because nothing hurt.

00:53:44.640 It was just very logical, no emotion, none of this stuff taking place.

00:53:49.180 And in that kind of an environment, do you almost see like a threat between the guys that make it to the highest level?

00:53:54.100 That they have a higher level of threshold for pain and they don't really get respond too much emotionally?

00:54:00.040 I think in the tech industry, very much so.

00:54:03.680 I don't think in a lot of the industries, I think it's like that.

00:54:07.600 I think a lot of great CEOs are very socially aware and very emotionally intelligent.

00:54:13.160 I don't think Gates is at all.

00:54:14.560 But I think being married to Melinda Gates, who is very much that way, I think has really helped him.

00:54:20.400 I think a lot of other CEOs may not, you know, Gates obviously didn't go to college.

00:54:25.260 He was far ahead of going to college.

00:54:26.600 He knew what he knew, you know, and they really couldn't teach him much.

00:54:30.600 He knew how to think.

00:54:32.060 But I think a lot of other CEOs really know how to manage people.

00:54:35.260 They read people.

00:54:36.220 They understand people.

00:54:38.440 Bill Gates understood code.

00:54:39.980 He understood, you know, the technical world and he was brilliant at that.

00:54:45.220 And he got other people around like Ballman and others who, you know, was really just interesting characters.

00:54:51.080 Fun guy dancing.

00:54:51.880 He was just kind of big bumbling guy.

00:54:54.240 He was just, yeah.

00:54:54.760 Did he kind of balance him out a little bit?

00:54:56.420 Did him and Paul Allen balance him out a little bit?

00:54:58.340 I think so.

00:54:58.880 Well, Allen exited pretty early.

00:55:01.500 I mean, he got sick and I think he got leukemia or something and basically left.

00:55:07.380 And he really followed what he loved in life.

00:55:10.260 He loved sport.

00:55:11.400 Allen.

00:55:11.700 He loved creativity.

00:55:13.020 Of course, you own all those Seattle teams.

00:55:14.580 Yeah, experience music project or the big monstrosity of the Space Beetle he created.

00:55:21.340 He was into music.

00:55:22.560 He was into sports.

00:55:23.400 He was into the arts.

00:55:25.040 Yeah, I remember when I was at Venice and his yacht was there.

00:55:27.800 He has a, I don't know if you call that a yacht or a ship.

00:55:30.160 It's a ship.

00:55:30.460 I don't know what you call that.

00:55:31.120 It's not a yacht.

00:55:31.720 Sure.

00:55:32.060 It's a $150 million yacht slash ship with a helicopter, you know, pad on the top of it.

00:55:37.080 It was very interesting.

00:55:38.260 You know, when you read about all these personalities, how much in Seattle is there recruiting like

00:55:44.900 Seattle, you know, Microsoft people recruiting, Amazon people recruiting, is there a lot of

00:55:49.100 that going on?

00:55:49.580 Amazon take from Microsoft.

00:55:51.260 Oh, Amazon takes from Microsoft.

00:55:52.900 They have taken the best of Microsoft.

00:55:55.180 Microsoft's really been reinvented with Nadella coming in there.

00:55:58.240 He's brought in a lot of new talent.

00:56:00.240 Interesting.

00:56:00.600 But a lot of the old established talent at Microsoft has gone to Amazon.

00:56:04.780 Do they, do they spite each other?

00:56:06.520 Is there like a, is it like, you know, Red Sox, Yankees type of energy or at this point,

00:56:11.280 no one really cares?

00:56:12.200 It's just.

00:56:12.420 They're very different companies.

00:56:13.740 I mean, they really are.

00:56:14.640 But, you know, when you are taking major talent from Microsoft and, you know, building out,

00:56:21.740 you know, essentially what Nadella was trying to do with the cloud.

00:56:25.120 And they've done that at Amazon by taking many of the top talent at Microsoft.

00:56:30.000 I think there's, it's good competition, but obviously Amazon is so much bigger in terms

00:56:36.180 of what they are doing and how they, you know, how they view the world.

00:56:40.660 And Microsoft, you know, Nadella has done really great things with Microsoft.

00:56:45.120 He's got them back focused.

00:56:46.200 Very impressive because there was a time where a lot of people said Microsoft is done,

00:56:49.520 you know, if they come out with these free softwares, the Googles, and they put them

00:56:53.240 out there and what is Microsoft going to do to make money?

00:56:55.820 Very, very strategic moves they made.

00:56:58.360 Very strategic moves they made.

00:56:59.420 He is.

00:56:59.860 He's a good guy.

00:57:00.620 How do you view Amazon yourself?

00:57:04.700 Because I know we were talking about how Amazon gets even more data than Google does.

00:57:09.880 How do you view what Amazon is doing right now?

00:57:11.820 Because I know they're dominating the marketplace.

00:57:14.500 They're absolutely ruthless.

00:57:16.080 I think they're almost like what Microsoft was back when Gates was in his 20s and 30s.

00:57:21.080 They're absolutely ruthless in their quest for really perfection and be able to gather data.

00:57:27.820 It really is.

00:57:28.900 It's got it.

00:57:29.780 Interesting.

00:57:30.140 The closer to perfection, the closer to asking questions about everything, and I think they've

00:57:36.600 really honed the science of trying to figure out the right questions to ask, and they're

00:57:40.900 asked constantly, and people are pushed to answer them.

00:57:44.080 You don't let things just hang it at Amazon.

00:57:46.940 You are pushed to a conclusion, to an answer, and you're not allowed to just let things progress

00:57:54.300 and somehow business develop.

00:57:56.480 Business is developed.

00:57:57.840 Is it a high-pressure type of an environment?

00:58:02.000 Very.

00:58:02.600 Very?

00:58:03.200 Very.

00:58:03.700 Is it a place where if I work at, am I going to Chase to add it to my resume, or am I going

00:58:09.000 because I'd like to work at this place for 10 or 20 years?

00:58:11.540 I don't think anyone has worked at Amazon for that long time.

00:58:14.960 I think that really the understanding is with Amazon, you're there for two years.

00:58:21.140 That's the timeline.

00:58:22.160 It really is.

00:58:22.740 I've got friends who are recruiters for Amazon, and I regularly have people who come out of

00:58:27.360 UTD and Dallas, and SMU, that I extend to some of these recruiters.

00:58:32.180 They get hired, and everyone wants to work for Amazon because there's always more work.

00:58:37.080 And they pay them decently, but it is very high pressure.

00:58:40.860 They don't deal with mistakes very well.

00:58:43.600 How do they deal with them?

00:58:45.300 You don't last there.

00:58:46.520 You're out of there very quickly if you make.

00:58:48.600 Oh, really?

00:58:49.040 You don't repeat the same thing more than once or twice.

00:58:52.800 You really don't.

00:58:53.520 You're out of there.

00:58:54.600 And the demands really are, you have got to do what they want you to do.

00:58:58.800 And they don't apologize because they see themselves as the, you know, they are the best

00:59:03.680 at everything now.

00:59:04.640 They really believe that.

00:59:06.260 And to some extent, they're proving it out if you want to look at the externals.

00:59:09.780 But I know a lot of people who've left there very burned out, who are at Microsoft for

00:59:14.860 15, 20 years, who within two years at Amazon are, you know, they may be in their mid to

00:59:21.600 late 40s, but they're done.

00:59:23.260 They are so done with anything professionally.

00:59:26.480 And they don't have to do anything, but they don't want to do anything.

00:59:29.660 And I think that's somewhat problematic because I think people always need to know that they

00:59:33.660 have got more to give in life.

00:59:35.160 Yeah, I agree.

00:59:37.000 What's causing it?

00:59:38.140 Is there any element of fun and any element of recognition, any element of, man, you're

00:59:46.240 doing a great job, so proud of you, any element of that or no?

00:59:49.220 If we're seeking perfection, the game's got to be at a whole different level.

00:59:51.720 I think it's more the recognition is you performed.

00:59:55.920 I don't think that, and you're paid very well.

00:59:58.880 That's the recognition.

01:00:00.060 That's it.

01:00:00.520 I primarily, I mean, from what I know, and I really do, I play cricket in Seattle.

01:00:07.240 I was a cricket, I played with a lot of these guys, saw the Microsoft cricket teams.

01:00:12.000 So I got in with a lot of the guys who are really high up at Microsoft.

01:00:16.300 And I connect with them whenever I go back to Seattle.

01:00:18.520 We always get together and we go out to eat and I'll go watch them play a game.

01:00:22.460 And they're all getting old and pudgy like me.

01:00:24.860 You know, I'm older than most of them, but they tell me the stories.

01:00:28.560 I mean, they really do.

01:00:30.320 And some of them are heads of major divisions.

01:00:32.780 You know, in data, the guy who wrote the book in SQL Server, Caten Patel, he was hired

01:00:38.120 into there and he's done very well there.

01:00:40.400 But they're all tired.

01:00:43.660 They're pushed and they're excited, but they get tired very quickly.

01:00:47.680 Microsoft is a very different organism.

01:00:49.880 It really is.

01:00:51.000 They've created a far more congenial atmosphere there.

01:00:54.360 You walk in there, there's foosball tables and there's Pac-Man machines and they're building

01:01:00.160 a cricket stadium at Microsoft and they're right next to a thing called Marymoor Park.

01:01:04.040 They're right by a big lake.

01:01:05.840 And it's very, it's just a lot easier as an atmosphere and as a culture.

01:01:10.960 So we talked about mental disorder earlier.

01:01:14.700 What are your thoughts about how we are solving mental disorders today?

01:01:18.460 Because you're seeing immediate to, you know, medication, immediately we're going to all

01:01:23.120 this stuff and, you know, you don't understand.

01:01:25.040 I need help with this.

01:01:25.840 How do you view that?

01:01:26.600 Because I know you've dealt with this for a while.

01:01:27.960 Sure.

01:01:29.040 The way that I look at it is part of what I've really got into.

01:01:33.620 It's called positive psychology.

01:01:35.300 It's the psychology of strength.

01:01:36.960 Positive.

01:01:37.540 Positive psychology.

01:01:38.260 Sorry, I had a mouth thing put in recently.

01:01:40.760 Positive psychology.

01:01:42.200 Positive psychology is the psychology of human happiness.

01:01:44.900 So it says what, instead of saying what depresses us, we say what are the patterns of the things

01:01:51.180 that make us happy?

01:01:52.440 What are the patterns of the things that make us connected with other people?

01:01:56.240 So social psychology.

01:01:58.040 So we study things like that in education, in mental health, even in addiction.

01:02:03.440 I gave a talk to a bunch of psychiatrists and psychologists recently on addiction and

01:02:08.040 talked about this concept of flow.

01:02:09.640 How when I've enabled people to discover talent and really engage it in a meaningful way, so

01:02:16.520 many of the addiction issues that they came to me with or some of the people that I worked

01:02:20.400 with, they go away.

01:02:22.880 They become addicted to what is delivered back to them in life.

01:02:26.900 I think so much of psychology, when it looks at simply what's wrong, how do we fix it, is

01:02:33.140 problematic as well.

01:02:34.220 Because so much of life is about perspective, and if I see myself as being weak, as being

01:02:41.120 less than, I am highly susceptible to being depressed, to being anxious, to being isolated

01:02:47.520 from other people.

01:02:48.560 When I see myself as being important, as someone who has something to give, I have a place to

01:02:53.840 give it.

01:02:54.740 I have a place to, you know, create wealth and to give it to other people and to see their

01:03:00.100 lives change, my mental health has a far greater likelihood of thriving than me simply having

01:03:06.840 to go back and undo some sort of trauma that I really will never get a grasp on.

01:03:11.900 You can go back and you can try and figure out whatever bad thing happened to you in life,

01:03:15.680 and good luck if you're ever really going to understand it.

01:03:18.140 You're not.

01:03:18.780 So you're not from the typical traditional clinical, you know, a psychologist or therapist

01:03:23.200 assistant says, hey, what affected you when you were a kid?

01:03:25.240 This is why you are the way you are today.

01:03:26.480 We've all got what we've got, and we've all, most of us got it in somewhat good measure.

01:03:31.320 Life has not been kind to most people.

01:03:34.460 Everybody has got something in their background.

01:03:36.400 They've got a loss, and they've got disappointment, and they've got hurt, and they've got pain,

01:03:41.320 and they've been used, and they've, whatever.

01:03:43.980 What makes me bigger than all of that?

01:03:46.380 And if I don't know what makes me bigger than that, all those things will make me less than.

01:03:52.460 How do I find out what's bigger than all that?

01:03:54.620 You do some hard work.

01:03:55.980 You go into the work of discovery.

01:03:58.280 You find out, what have I got to give intellectually?

01:04:00.860 What am I exceptional at, you know, intellectually?

01:04:04.200 What have other people said about me?

01:04:05.780 This is forensics.

01:04:07.020 Where am I in flow intellectually?

01:04:08.780 What are my friends and family?

01:04:10.120 What have experts said about me?

01:04:11.580 Where am I happy?

01:04:12.980 When I walk into a classroom, what classes do I look forward to going to?

01:04:16.800 In social groups.

01:04:18.160 As I said, my oldest son, he's got his three or four close friends.

01:04:21.780 He's not happy in big groups.

01:04:23.500 My second son, where do you impact people?

01:04:30.040 Small groups, large groups.

01:04:31.560 You're doing this on YouTube.

01:04:33.720 You know, it's your physical presence.

01:04:35.500 It's your intellect.

01:04:36.420 It's your ability to connect with people.

01:04:38.380 It's your ability to have people in social media put out a product that is not just thrown out there.

01:04:45.060 People want it.

01:04:46.020 They grasp it.

01:04:46.720 They get a hold of it.

01:04:48.400 So it's finding, you know, how do I handle crisis?

01:04:52.040 How do I?

01:04:52.980 It's talking about my big why.

01:04:54.540 I mean, everyone talks about the big why now.

01:04:57.140 I asked a kid the other day who was about to go to college.

01:04:59.380 I said, why are you going to college?

01:05:01.040 She had no answer for it at all.

01:05:03.640 Majority of kids who go to college now, if they haven't sat down and they haven't figured out why are they going,

01:05:10.100 they've got something that they want to develop and become bigger and better at.

01:05:14.600 They've got a career and a future ahead of them.

01:05:17.320 But it all comes down to, for me, it's design determines purpose.

01:05:21.560 Know what you're uniquely capable of doing.

01:05:24.560 And I have a simple model.

01:05:25.760 It's called SPIES, S-P-I-E-S.

01:05:28.200 Who are you spiritually?

01:05:29.200 That is, in terms of character, in terms of motive and mission in life.

01:05:33.980 Why do you do the things that you do?

01:05:35.600 That's S-P, physical.

01:05:37.640 What have I got to give?

01:05:38.880 Who am I physically?

01:05:40.380 It can be physical touch.

01:05:41.720 We went out to lunch and you put, you know, you reached across and you touched my arm.

01:05:46.160 You connect with people like that.

01:05:48.200 It's not just being a physical athlete.

01:05:50.200 It can be somebody who, when you stand up and speak, you command presence.

01:05:54.380 In a courtroom, you command.

01:05:56.340 It can be something quiet.

01:05:57.600 My sister's a psychologist.

01:05:59.420 People come into her office.

01:06:00.760 She creates a calm presence because of who she is.

01:06:06.340 That's physical presence.

01:06:07.520 Who are you then?

01:06:08.340 Yeah, that's the P.

01:06:09.020 Intellectually, who are you?

01:06:10.900 Emotionally, who are you?

01:06:12.180 How do you handle crisis?

01:06:13.540 How do you, how emotionally intelligent are you?

01:06:15.840 How do you read people?

01:06:17.660 How do you feel?

01:06:19.880 You know, how do you manage those feelings?

01:06:21.700 How do you manage disappointment?

01:06:23.580 How have you overcome bad things in your life?

01:06:26.300 And then S is socially.

01:06:27.500 Who are you socially?

01:06:28.260 So it's spies.

01:06:30.220 Spies.

01:06:30.740 S-P-I-E-S.

01:06:31.780 S-P-I-E-S.

01:06:32.620 It's the E emotional.

01:06:33.740 Okay.

01:06:33.960 S-P-I-E-S.

01:06:35.760 I look at myself.

01:06:36.900 I love connecting with people.

01:06:39.160 You know, I have lived at Starbucks in many ways for the last years, since I got to Seattle.

01:06:43.600 I go into Starbucks anywhere in this country or anywhere, anywhere, and I'll have 10 friends within a few days.

01:06:49.780 I will know everybody.

01:06:51.300 I can, there's certain Starbucks that I'll go into.

01:06:53.420 People think that I somehow own them.

01:06:55.360 Because everybody, it's like chairs when I walk in there.

01:06:57.900 People know me.

01:06:58.940 And I want to connect with people.

01:07:01.120 I love, you know, I actually, I go to a little African-American church here in Dallas.

01:07:04.940 I'll preach there sometimes.

01:07:06.260 I love, I love speaking.

01:07:08.300 You know, it's just, it's who I am.

01:07:10.140 It's people in general.

01:07:12.040 The worst part of where I connect socially is if I'm at a, say, a networking event or just a small event,

01:07:19.280 when someone says, well, we want you to stand up and tell who you are and what you do.

01:07:24.760 It's like, I'm a blithering idiot.

01:07:26.640 It's like, for what?

01:07:28.360 I know who I am.

01:07:29.180 I know what I do.

01:07:29.940 What do, you know, I honestly will get anxious.

01:07:33.140 But I've spoken in front of 5,000 people.

01:07:35.360 It doesn't faze me at all.

01:07:36.560 I don't, I'll stand up and sit down.

01:07:38.920 I've said what I've said and it hasn't touched me.

01:07:41.420 You know, I was in flow.

01:07:43.120 I'll be up for an hour and I'll sit down and felt like two minutes.

01:07:47.000 But find out where you thrive.

01:07:49.780 Find opportunity to do more of that.

01:07:52.540 Find out when you, what's of audiences you speak to that are most deeply impacted.

01:07:57.880 You know, what's the result of change?

01:08:00.480 So this is very interesting and we're very aligned on this.

01:08:03.200 You say forensics.

01:08:04.180 I say study your trends.

01:08:05.540 Sure.

01:08:06.000 Study your trends.

01:08:06.660 Ask yourself what kind of people you get along with, who you don't, why don't you, what causes, what happened there.

01:08:11.260 It's repetition.

01:08:12.680 No doubt about it.

01:08:13.600 It's repetition with gathering data about yourself, which is somewhat forensics that you've got to do on your own self.

01:08:19.280 So I like that.

01:08:20.080 Spice spiritually.

01:08:21.360 How can you give back spiritually?

01:08:22.680 How can you give back physically?

01:08:25.000 Intellectual.

01:08:25.440 What do you have to offer emotionally and socially?

01:08:27.900 That's right.

01:08:28.300 Spice.

01:08:28.860 Spice.

01:08:29.280 Brilliant.

01:08:29.800 Easy to remember.

01:08:30.580 It is.

01:08:31.040 I love this.

01:08:31.880 Well, Mark, this has been a blast.

01:08:33.200 Truly, it's been a blast.

01:08:34.620 Where can people find your book?

01:08:35.960 Is it on Amazon?

01:08:36.480 It's on Amazon, yeah.

01:08:37.360 I'm actually rewriting it at the moment, but it's on Amazon and I'm actually putting the Spice whole analogy into it and shorting it.

01:08:44.140 It's too long, but it's a really good book.

01:08:46.420 You're making a book shorter.

01:08:47.400 And can people find you on social media?

01:08:49.080 Are you on social media for them to find you?

01:08:50.640 They can.

01:08:51.400 I'll put the links below as well so they can go reach out to you.

01:08:53.820 The best way for their own personal discovery is the MyLifeScene.com.

01:08:57.860 It's very similar to what Jordan Peterson does.

01:09:00.060 MyLifeScene.

01:09:02.100 Scene.

01:09:02.620 S-C-E-N-E, like Crime Scene Investigation.

01:09:05.200 It's MyLifeScene.

01:09:06.920 And so it's a whole pro.

01:09:07.920 64 different videos and tests and integration into your life to take you through the whole spies analogy.

01:09:14.400 And you profile your life just like an FBI profiler would profile a criminal.

01:09:19.020 You profiling what's right and great and exceptional about your life.

01:09:22.260 I love that, Mark.

01:09:22.820 I appreciate you for coming on.

01:09:23.720 Thank you so much.

01:09:24.660 Thank you.

01:09:24.920 Great to meet you and be here.

01:09:26.180 Thank you.

01:09:26.640 Thanks, everybody, for listening.

01:09:27.900 And by the way, if you haven't already subscribed to Valuetainment on iTunes, please do so.

01:09:32.620 Give us a five-star.

01:09:34.040 Write a review if you haven't already.

01:09:35.520 And if you have any questions for me that you may have, you can always find me on Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube.

01:09:41.560 Just search my name, Patrick MidDavid.

01:09:43.300 And I actually do respond back when you snap me or send me a message on Instagram.

01:09:48.440 With that being said, have a great day today.

01:09:50.200 Take care, everybody.

01:09:50.920 Bye-bye.

01:09:51.180 We'll be right back.

Valuetainment - September 09, 2019

Episode 364： Mistakes Billionaire Make With Their Family

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