Episode 389： Stop Compromising This
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
211.13754
Summary
How old is too old to be in a serious relationship? How old should you be before you settle down with a woman? How old are you supposed to be to settle down before you have kids? What age should you get married? Is it too late in life to have kids if you don t have kids yet?
Transcript
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30 seconds. One time for the underdog. Ignition sequence start.
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Let me see you put them up. Reach the sky, turn the stars up above, cause it's one time for the underdog.
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So a friend of mine called me yesterday. He's around 40 years old. I haven't spoken to him for a while,
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but I know he's been with this one girl for some time.
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And about two years ago, he and I were talking. He came out of a relationship, didn't work out.
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And he says, Pat, I think I'm finally at a point where I want to settle down. I want to get a wife.
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I want to build a family. He's been a bachelor, never been married, no kids, nothing.
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Good guy, hard worker, career guy, runs a real estate business, does good for himself.
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And I sat there and I said, so is this pretty serious? He says, no, it's pretty serious.
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I said, so tell me what you're looking for. He said, you know, I want somebody that's this, somebody that's that,
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somebody that's this, somebody that's that. I said, how old are you willing to go with a girl?
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He says, well, you know, late 20s, early 30s. He's 40. I said, okay, cool.
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So then after that, he calls me and he starts telling me that he felt, he met this girl.
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And I said, you met this girl? He says, yeah. I said, wow, so tell me about her.
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Well, you know, she's 20 years old. She's about to turn 21. And then he goes through it quickly.
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She's 20 years old, about to turn 21. Good girl. Drop dead gorgeous. I really like her.
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I like her family. She's got the right values and principles. I said, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
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Let's go back a little bit, back up a little bit. He says, what? I said, how old did you say she was?
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He says he was 20. She's 20. I said, how old are you? 40. I said, huh? I said, okay.
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So they said, I keep telling him, I said, aren't you kind of getting away from what you said you wanted your
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girl to be on who you wanted to settle down? He says, yeah, but it's different. I said, okay.
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Your goes by. Your lady calls me. He says, I don't know, but she just doesn't want to be
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in a serious relationship. I said, what do you mean she doesn't want to be in a serious
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relationship? I said, she just doesn't. I don't know what I need to do. Maybe I need to be patient.
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Do I do this? I think I made a mistake. You know, I think I should have done this with her or that
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with her. I said, listen, listen, pump your brakes for a second. I said, are you calling me because
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you just need somebody to listen to her? Are you calling me because you want counsel? Because I can do
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both. Which one do you want? No, Pat, I actually want counsel today. I said, okay, fine.
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I said, do I have your permission to be direct with you? He said, yes. I said, let me ask you a
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question. He says, what's that? When you and I were in our early 20s partying, what was the one
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word that scared the hell out of us when we would go on a date with a girl? He says, what do you mean?
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I said, what's the one word that literally we would shake? We would get the shingles, you know,
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when a girl would use this word. He says, what was it? I said, marriage, the M word. The M word was
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the F word for us. Girl on a date would say, you know, I just want to find somebody and I want to
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have kids and I want to get married. I'm sorry. What did you just say? Well, yeah. I mean, that's
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what people want to do, right? Not, not this guy. No, not this guy. I have no desire to get married or
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have kids. And quite frankly, I don't think I'll ever get married or have kids based on the state
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that I'm right now, 21 years old. So listen, all the best. I got some friends that go to church.
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I can introduce you to them. This guy goes to a different church on Thursday night, Friday night,
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and Saturday night. It's, I'm assuming it's not the church you go to, but there's some good guys
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that you should meet. This is not the guy for you. And he says, yeah, yeah. I remember those days.
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I said, you are that girl to the girl you're dating right now. He says, what do you mean?
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I said, you told her you want to get married and have kids. And she's 20 years old. The two word
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that scared, scared the hell out of somebody that doesn't want to be married and kids have kids you
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used. Oh shit. His voice says, oh shit. I said, what do you expect? What did we do? You know,
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when I was single, had no desire to get in a serious relationship. It was very simple conversation.
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Look, Mary, you look great. I like you. It seems like we get along pretty good. If you want to have
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fun together, I'm all in. I don't want any commitment. I'm not have any desire to do that.
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I'm 21 years old. I'm just trying to have my fun. If you want, you want. If you don't, you don't.
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I didn't have any priorities in my life at that time. My priorities were pretty much partying. I didn't
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have a career that I wanted to, you know, just very, just got out of the army. And this was a
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lot of things that I was doing. I was having a good time, but it was clarity. This is what I'm
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doing. Right. And then they had the opportunity to say, no, I'm not interested in that. No problem.
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All the best to you. Or you know what? Whatever. You seem like a fun guy. Great. You know, but this
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is just a very, very simple relationship. No problem. Okay, great. All good. Fast forward to today.
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What does this have to do with you? Here's the challenge most of the time. Most people, like for
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me, when I got to a point where I wanted to get married, here's what the conversation sounded like.
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I was dating a girl that, you know, she was a pageant girl, whatever. I don't want to give
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specific state. So we really liked this girl. We got along very well. I was another scholar and I'm
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trying to give the safest words here. Anyway, so there was, there was these other folks that I was
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dating, but I was not looking to have just a girlfriend. My line was very simple. I've done
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all the partying. I've, I've had a lot of fun, a lot of great experiences and bad experiences with
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women. I've kissed many frogs. I've been the frog to many. Okay. But I'm at a point right now,
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but I'm looking to settle down. And you know what? It was great about that comment. Those who got
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scared, guess what? Phenomenal. It's a filter. Those who said, Oh, okay. Wow. Interesting.
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Let me see if he's full of it or he's just using this line because he read in a book.
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And they're like, this guy's actually pretty serious. He bought me a book called 101 Question
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Starts Before You Get Engaged. And I gave that to every girl I spoke to. Like, here you go.
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Here you go. Here you go. And then after handful of girls, I did the exercise to with the book. Then I
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made a decision on how I'm going to go on a second or third or fourth date with. And nothing against
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those girls. By the way, every one of those girls that I didn't date, they're all married,
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kids, happy. All the best to them. Just didn't fit. And I moved on, right? Moral of the story,
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stop compromising your non-negotiables. If you say who you want to do business with,
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they have to be willing to agree to these three terms. Stop compromising your non-negotiables.
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Stop giving up your non-negotiables. Agree to them and stick to them. If you're dating somebody
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and you're pretty clear on who you want to date, and all of a sudden you meet somebody that's
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drop-dead gorgeous, but all the important stuff in life that matter, you're compromising two of them,
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it's okay, I'll look past it. Five, 10 years later, you're going to pay a price for it. Just so you
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know this. It's a big price. Get clear on what you want to do. Friendship. What are three non-negotiables
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of somebody being a friend in your life? Do you have the answer to that question?
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What are your three non-negotiables for somebody being in a relationship with you? A serious one.
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What are they? Do you know it? Don't compromise it. What are three non-negotiables for somebody
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to be in business with you? What are three non-negotiables for you to invest in two business?
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What are three non-negotiables for somebody to be your investor? What are three non-negotiables
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for somebody for you to work with or somebody to be your mentor or somebody to have influence
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over you? What are they? Do you have them? Three non-negotiables. What are your three non-negotiables
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for your kids' friends to be friends with your kids.
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because you're always going to break something.
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It's you because you compromise your non-negotiables.
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I told you it's not about dating or relationship.
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I've made mistakes in investing into businesses,
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I have non-negotiables on the way I raise my kids.