Valuetainment - November 11, 2019


Episode 389： Stop Compromising This


Episode Stats


Length

9 minutes

Words per minute

211.13754

Word count

2,012

Sentence count

197

Harmful content

Misogyny

3

sentences flagged

Hate speech

4

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

How old is too old to be in a serious relationship? How old should you be before you settle down with a woman? How old are you supposed to be to settle down before you have kids? What age should you get married? Is it too late in life to have kids if you don t have kids yet?

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.440 30 seconds. One time for the underdog. Ignition sequence start.
00:00:06.980 Let me see you put them up. Reach the sky, turn the stars up above, cause it's one time for the underdog.
00:00:15.120 One time for the underdog.
00:00:17.340 So a friend of mine called me yesterday. He's around 40 years old. I haven't spoken to him for a while,
00:00:21.200 but I know he's been with this one girl for some time.
00:00:24.040 And about two years ago, he and I were talking. He came out of a relationship, didn't work out.
00:00:27.840 And he says, Pat, I think I'm finally at a point where I want to settle down. I want to get a wife.
00:00:31.820 I want to build a family. He's been a bachelor, never been married, no kids, nothing.
00:00:36.000 Good guy, hard worker, career guy, runs a real estate business, does good for himself.
00:00:42.280 And I sat there and I said, so is this pretty serious? He says, no, it's pretty serious.
00:00:46.060 I said, so tell me what you're looking for. He said, you know, I want somebody that's this, somebody that's that,
00:00:49.920 somebody that's this, somebody that's that. I said, how old are you willing to go with a girl? 0.94
00:00:54.540 He says, well, you know, late 20s, early 30s. He's 40. I said, okay, cool.
00:01:00.320 So then after that, he calls me and he starts telling me that he felt, he met this girl.
00:01:05.300 And I said, you met this girl? He says, yeah. I said, wow, so tell me about her.
00:01:08.960 Well, you know, she's 20 years old. She's about to turn 21. And then he goes through it quickly.
00:01:14.520 She's 20 years old, about to turn 21. Good girl. Drop dead gorgeous. I really like her. 0.81
00:01:20.120 I like her family. She's got the right values and principles. I said, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:01:24.640 Let's go back a little bit, back up a little bit. He says, what? I said, how old did you say she was?
00:01:29.880 He says he was 20. She's 20. I said, how old are you? 40. I said, huh? I said, okay.
00:01:36.960 So they said, I keep telling him, I said, aren't you kind of getting away from what you said you wanted your
00:01:42.520 girl to be on who you wanted to settle down? He says, yeah, but it's different. I said, okay.
00:01:48.260 Your goes by. Your lady calls me. He says, I don't know, but she just doesn't want to be 0.98
00:01:53.680 in a serious relationship. I said, what do you mean she doesn't want to be in a serious 1.00
00:01:57.700 relationship? I said, she just doesn't. I don't know what I need to do. Maybe I need to be patient.
00:02:03.020 Do I do this? I think I made a mistake. You know, I think I should have done this with her or that
00:02:07.340 with her. I said, listen, listen, pump your brakes for a second. I said, are you calling me because
00:02:11.960 you just need somebody to listen to her? Are you calling me because you want counsel? Because I can do
00:02:15.500 both. Which one do you want? No, Pat, I actually want counsel today. I said, okay, fine.
00:02:19.580 I said, do I have your permission to be direct with you? He said, yes. I said, let me ask you a
00:02:24.600 question. He says, what's that? When you and I were in our early 20s partying, what was the one
00:02:31.720 word that scared the hell out of us when we would go on a date with a girl? He says, what do you mean?
00:02:36.980 I said, what's the one word that literally we would shake? We would get the shingles, you know,
00:02:43.920 when a girl would use this word. He says, what was it? I said, marriage, the M word. The M word was 0.98
00:02:50.960 the F word for us. Girl on a date would say, you know, I just want to find somebody and I want to
00:02:58.680 have kids and I want to get married. I'm sorry. What did you just say? Well, yeah. I mean, that's
00:03:04.220 what people want to do, right? Not, not this guy. No, not this guy. I have no desire to get married or
00:03:11.080 have kids. And quite frankly, I don't think I'll ever get married or have kids based on the state
00:03:16.040 that I'm right now, 21 years old. So listen, all the best. I got some friends that go to church.
00:03:20.080 I can introduce you to them. This guy goes to a different church on Thursday night, Friday night,
00:03:24.000 and Saturday night. It's, I'm assuming it's not the church you go to, but there's some good guys
00:03:28.120 that you should meet. This is not the guy for you. And he says, yeah, yeah. I remember those days.
00:03:32.140 I said, you are that girl to the girl you're dating right now. He says, what do you mean?
00:03:40.060 I said, you told her you want to get married and have kids. And she's 20 years old. The two word 0.91
00:03:47.080 that scared, scared the hell out of somebody that doesn't want to be married and kids have kids you
00:03:51.420 used. Oh shit. His voice says, oh shit. I said, what do you expect? What did we do? You know,
00:03:59.880 when I was single, had no desire to get in a serious relationship. It was very simple conversation.
00:04:06.480 Look, Mary, you look great. I like you. It seems like we get along pretty good. If you want to have
00:04:12.800 fun together, I'm all in. I don't want any commitment. I'm not have any desire to do that.
00:04:19.140 I'm 21 years old. I'm just trying to have my fun. If you want, you want. If you don't, you don't.
00:04:24.980 I didn't have any priorities in my life at that time. My priorities were pretty much partying. I didn't
00:04:29.400 have a career that I wanted to, you know, just very, just got out of the army. And this was a
00:04:34.180 lot of things that I was doing. I was having a good time, but it was clarity. This is what I'm
00:04:37.780 doing. Right. And then they had the opportunity to say, no, I'm not interested in that. No problem.
00:04:42.800 All the best to you. Or you know what? Whatever. You seem like a fun guy. Great. You know, but this
00:04:47.780 is just a very, very simple relationship. No problem. Okay, great. All good. Fast forward to today.
00:04:54.500 What does this have to do with you? Here's the challenge most of the time. Most people, like for
00:05:00.560 me, when I got to a point where I wanted to get married, here's what the conversation sounded like.
00:05:04.420 I was dating a girl that, you know, she was a pageant girl, whatever. I don't want to give
00:05:11.260 specific state. So we really liked this girl. We got along very well. I was another scholar and I'm
00:05:18.320 trying to give the safest words here. Anyway, so there was, there was these other folks that I was
00:05:22.320 dating, but I was not looking to have just a girlfriend. My line was very simple. I've done
00:05:29.580 all the partying. I've, I've had a lot of fun, a lot of great experiences and bad experiences with
00:05:35.600 women. I've kissed many frogs. I've been the frog to many. Okay. But I'm at a point right now,
00:05:41.460 but I'm looking to settle down. And you know what? It was great about that comment. Those who got
00:05:46.620 scared, guess what? Phenomenal. It's a filter. Those who said, Oh, okay. Wow. Interesting.
00:05:54.540 Let me see if he's full of it or he's just using this line because he read in a book.
00:05:58.460 And they're like, this guy's actually pretty serious. He bought me a book called 101 Question
00:06:02.120 Starts Before You Get Engaged. And I gave that to every girl I spoke to. Like, here you go.
00:06:07.200 Here you go. Here you go. And then after handful of girls, I did the exercise to with the book. Then I
00:06:12.660 made a decision on how I'm going to go on a second or third or fourth date with. And nothing against
00:06:16.460 those girls. By the way, every one of those girls that I didn't date, they're all married, 0.97
00:06:20.160 kids, happy. All the best to them. Just didn't fit. And I moved on, right? Moral of the story,
00:06:26.540 stop compromising your non-negotiables. If you say who you want to do business with,
00:06:34.160 they have to be willing to agree to these three terms. Stop compromising your non-negotiables.
00:06:39.060 Stop giving up your non-negotiables. Agree to them and stick to them. If you're dating somebody
00:06:45.540 and you're pretty clear on who you want to date, and all of a sudden you meet somebody that's
00:06:49.840 drop-dead gorgeous, but all the important stuff in life that matter, you're compromising two of them,
00:06:55.540 it's okay, I'll look past it. Five, 10 years later, you're going to pay a price for it. Just so you
00:07:00.540 know this. It's a big price. Get clear on what you want to do. Friendship. What are three non-negotiables
00:07:07.000 of somebody being a friend in your life? Do you have the answer to that question?
00:07:10.060 What are your three non-negotiables for somebody being in a relationship with you? A serious one.
00:07:13.480 What are they? Do you know it? Don't compromise it. What are three non-negotiables for somebody
00:07:17.520 to be in business with you? What are three non-negotiables for you to invest in two business?
00:07:21.140 What are three non-negotiables for somebody to be your investor? What are three non-negotiables
00:07:25.420 for somebody for you to work with or somebody to be your mentor or somebody to have influence
00:07:29.420 over you? What are they? Do you have them? Three non-negotiables. What are your three non-negotiables
00:07:34.920 for your kids' friends to be friends with your kids.
00:07:39.040 What are they?
00:07:40.160 What are three non-negotiables
00:07:41.680 for every aspect of your life?
00:07:42.740 Now watch this.
00:07:44.100 You ever met somebody that's got 50 of them?
00:07:46.360 Very annoying people to be around
00:07:47.640 because you're always going to break something.
00:07:49.440 The list cannot be 30 or 40 or 50.
00:07:52.260 It's typically three.
00:07:54.300 And every time you compromise one of them,
00:07:56.840 you're going to pay price for it.
00:07:58.140 And only one person can get upset at you,
00:08:00.040 and it's you.
00:08:01.220 It's you because you compromise your non-negotiables.
00:08:02.980 So watching this video,
00:08:04.500 I told you it's not about dating or relationship.
00:08:06.160 It's all around life.
00:08:07.600 It's all about around life,
00:08:08.880 and it could be business as well.
00:08:10.620 Get clear on your non-negotiables
00:08:12.380 and don't compromise it.
00:08:15.080 I've made mistakes in investing into businesses,
00:08:18.480 individuals, losing money,
00:08:20.880 a lot of money,
00:08:22.260 hiring people that didn't work,
00:08:24.920 friends that didn't work,
00:08:26.520 people that didn't work,
00:08:27.720 dates, investments,
00:08:29.340 so many of them
00:08:30.160 because I broke my non-negotiable rules.
00:08:32.860 Either I didn't have the three
00:08:34.640 or I broke one of them
00:08:35.880 because something seemed sexy and attractive.
00:08:38.600 So stick to your non-negotiables.
00:08:40.080 Trust it.
00:08:40.920 Every once in a while,
00:08:41.680 you're going to adjust your non-negotiables.
00:08:42.900 Sometimes you may say,
00:08:43.940 I think that one is too strong.
00:08:45.100 I'm going to change that.
00:08:45.620 I'm going to add this to it.
00:08:46.420 But if you know it in advance,
00:08:48.020 stick to it.
00:08:48.920 I have non-negotiables on the way I raise my kids.
00:08:50.920 I'm sticking to it.
00:08:52.040 May or may not work.
00:08:53.060 That's what I'm doing.
00:08:53.940 Very simple.
00:08:54.940 Okay, very,
00:08:55.360 that's what I'm sticking to.
00:08:56.400 So, again,
00:08:57.720 going back to you,
00:08:59.380 spend some time
00:09:00.280 about these important issues in life
00:09:02.200 and don't let anybody confuse you
00:09:04.340 where you compromise it.
00:09:05.660 And long term,
00:09:06.400 it'll serve you well.
00:09:07.260 Thanks everybody for listening.
00:09:08.620 And by the way,
00:09:09.060 if you haven't already subscribed
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00:09:23.060 Patrick MidDavid.
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00:09:29.060 With that being said,
00:09:29.760 have a great day today.
00:09:30.800 Take care, everybody.
00:09:31.520 Bye-bye.