Episode 418： 10 Conversations to Have with Your Parents as an Entrepreneur
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Summary
You ve got big dreams, you want to do big things, but you re afraid of that conversation you ve got to have with your mom and dad? Today we re going to talk about the 10 conversations you need to be having with your parents.
Transcript
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I feel I'm so close I could take sweet victory.
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Yeah, why would you bet on Goliath when we got Bet David?
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This world of entrepreneurs, we get no value to haters.
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I'm Patrick, may they be host of Valuetainment.
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Today we're going to talk about 10 conversations you ought to have with your parents.
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You're afraid of that conversation you got to have with your mom and dad.
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We're going to talk about the 10 conversations you must have with your parents.
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Look, one of the first conversations you got to have with your parents is for them not to
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And let me explain to you what I mean by not imposing their fears on you.
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They have pain, so they want to pass it on to you in a way of thinking that they're protecting you.
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Let me give you an idea what happened the other day.
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The number is going to be somewhere around here.
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And while I'm showing him this video about being an entrepreneur, my grandfather says,
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be careful starting a business or being inspired that these things are possible.
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And he's saying, this is, what should I say to my grandfather?
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I said, I hope your grandpa is not imposing his fears and failures on his grandson.
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Because if he does, his grandson will also have the same fears and failures that he had.
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All I just did with this 22-year-old soul who has the ability to go out there and build something significant,
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I just shared my fears and insecurities and failures with him.
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Then he's just going to go be average and ordinary.
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So it's very important for you to sit there and say, look mom, look dad, I just want to tell you.
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But I've got to tell you, sometimes I feel like you're passing your fears and failures
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I understand it didn't work out for you with Bob.
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I understand it didn't work out for you with your uncle or your brother.
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But I want to go out there and build a business and I need you to support me.
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Or don't say anything negative to me about my business.
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And I see what they're going to do with it and what kind of a conversation.
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Maybe a little bit of friction, but I guarantee you even after a friction, a day later,
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two days later, three days later, they're going to say, you know what?
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I'm proud of my son that he can have these kinds of tough conversations.
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That's the first conversation I'd have with him.
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The next thing you got to talk to your parents about is certain things that they said while
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you were growing up that stuck with you, that you believe it, that may not be the truth.
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It's your parents' truth that's been passed down to you.
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But it's created some kind of a limiting belief in you that's got to be addressed.
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Let me talk about what I'm saying in this part here.
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I grew up and my mother, we had a relative, she would always say things about this relative.
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All he cares about is money, greedy, all this other stuff.
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Every time I would see this man as a kid, I would kind of look at him like this.
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Just kind of like, you know, what a greedy man you are.
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And I can't believe he said, because I'm loyal to who?
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7,200 square foot house, next door neighbor to Snoop Dogg, in Upland, San Antonio, if you
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And he had a tennis court, basketball court, swimming pool, garden, fruits, pool table,
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In the morning when they would have breakfast, the 20, 30 people would come together because
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I would see how these kids always wanted to be around him.
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If this guy's so bad, who knows more bad things about him than his own kids?
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I don't care if other people don't want to be around me.
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If my kids who know me the best want to be around me, I'm a winner.
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You realize, you made me not like rich people because of what stuff you said about him.
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At that time, I didn't like the fact that when he became rich, he couldn't spend time with us anymore.
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And we wouldn't see him as much as we used to anymore.
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To me, it felt like he was being snobby because he made a lot of money.
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I said, well, Mom, when this guy starts building a business and an empire, it's kind of tough to go and try to spend time and accommodate time with everybody.
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I said, oh, my gosh, for 33 years, I believe this.
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That was just some fear that was passed down to me.
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Some of the things that you may have heard from your parents may be different than what I said.
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But you've got to go ask them because if you don't, their truth will be your truth, even though it's not the truth.
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So, look, this next one is in every relationship.
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You need to be kind of doing this, even with your boyfriend, husband, wife, girlfriend.
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Sitting down with your mom and dad and saying, this is what I need from you.
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I remember one time I pulled my dad and said, I said, Dad, I need you to start telling me you love me.
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And he says, you want me to tell you I love you?
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He never calls me at work because he thinks it's disrespectful.
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My dad, he thinks when people's family call them at work, they're insulting the business.
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I'm like, why is my sister calling my office, the gym runner?
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I said, you got to start telling your kids you love them.
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And she's like, oh, I thought he was having heart issues.
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And by the way, from that day till today, my dad says, I love you more than we say it
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to him now because he loves saying, I love you to me, to my wife, to his daughter, to
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his, you know, grandson, granddaughter, to everybody.
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So rather than being upset with your parents because they don't say it, have the conversation
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This is not to everybody that doesn't have kids, but you can think about this one day
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Some of the things your parents did, maybe you don't like, you know, some of the things
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your parents didn't do, maybe you want to do and they may not want to do.
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It's just a conversation to have to say, look, you know, you could be disciplined, your kids
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in a certain way and your mom or your father undermines you in front of them.
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And these are things that are very important to me.
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The fact that you don't want the kids to watch TV freely all day long, you just hand them
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You have to tell them that's not okay with my kids.
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Maybe the fact that you want your kids to read, but you didn't grow up reading.
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Maybe you want your kids to play outside, but you didn't play outside.
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Maybe you want your kids to be inside, but you grew up on the outside.
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I'm not bringing up with a list of, hey, let me go through a list of 55 different things that
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I want to give you in a manual on how to do this with my kids.
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In this household, we're raising our family as Christians.
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These are the things that I want to raise my kids with.
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I think a lot of times when you have that conversation, it's a little bit uncomfortable
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at first for them because they're like, who are you to tell me how to do this?
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But you need to have the conversation because they're not going to spend as much time around
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your kids as you're going to spend around your kids.
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And one day, the responsibility of how your kids turn out is not going to be the grandparents.
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You need to kind of control the point of contact.
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Now, it's a different story if you're living in a cultural family where grandparents are there
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and they're spending more time with your kids than you are, they have the authority to say
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some of this stuff because they're around them more than you.
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But for the most part, you need to have a conversation with them and tell them how you
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This next one's a tough one for a lot of people because they're uncomfortable talking
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It's like, you know, I've been in the financial industry for now nearly 20 years as an advisor,
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And you would go sit down with people and say, tell me about your parents.
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You know, what kind of financial situation are they?
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I can't tell you how many people would tell me I don't know.
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They don't want the kids to have a, you know, falling out between the kids because a lot
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of times parents want the kids to stay together when they die, right?
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But a lot of times because parents don't prepare.
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To have these tougher conversations when a parent dies and there's some kind of a will,
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the money's being fought within siblings, and then all of a sudden there's a falling
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out among siblings because the parents didn't have their finances in order.
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So in reality, it was a parent's fault on the way they handled their finances.
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So if you don't have these conversations, one day could lead to a falling out between
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And I promise you, your parents don't want that.
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So you need to sit down and have the conversation with them about money and finances, where they're
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currently at and what direction they need and what kind of help they're going to need long
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Like this next conversation is sometimes uncomfortable on yourself as well as your parents because,
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you know, like when you talk about health with your parents and it comes down to possibly
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talking about length of living and heart and all this stuff, parents don't want their kids
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You know, like you're talking to me as if you want me to die because it's sensitive.
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Like it can come across that way sometimes and for the right reasons because as you get
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older, the one fear that's on your mind all the time is dying.
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It's no longer the fear of being accepted or friends or being cool or finding a girl or
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And so when it comes down to health, it's encouraging physicals.
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Dad, when's the last time you got your heart checked out?
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Whether depending on the age of your father or your mother is having something with them
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that if something goes on, they press a button, 911 gets called.
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You know, everything with that is purely preparation.
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What is it that you want to be able to feel confident about yourself?
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But these are things about health that you need to have a conversation with because
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So we've had to have these conversations a long time ago because he was a smoker and
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So some of these things are tough conversations to have, but normally when you're having more
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of a serious conversations, your energy and your spirit needs to be lower, calmer.
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And even if the mutual siblings come together and say, mom, we want to have a conversation
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We kind of want to know where you're at health-wise.
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We kind of think that this smoking thing's got to be dropped because it's really hurting
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And even if they go here, you cannot go there because you won't get any results.
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Even though you're dying to go here, try to control yourself to stay here when you're having
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This next one's a little weird because as people get older, kids think parents no longer
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So for me, I would ask my dad, I would say, dad, what are some of your dreams?
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Like one day, I told my dad, I said, dad, you got to tell me what you want to do.
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Because these are things that causes family and parents to want to live longer.
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Sometimes we forget to ask dreams from people as they get older because dreams is the only
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conversation we have with kids and young adults, but we don't do it with somebody that's 60,
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I said, dad, I want you to think about some of the things you want to do.
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My dad called me out of the blue one day and he says, you know what I want to do?
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I mean, I've never seen you hit all the racket with tennis.
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In the middle of the match, I have my dad say something on Snapchat.
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His friends are texting him saying, you're on Snapchat.
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So it's very, very important for you to have a sit-down with your parents and say, Mom,
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Dad, what are some of the things you want to do?
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You will be blown away by their reaction, and you're going to love having this conversation
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And let me explain to you what I mean by this is purely for you.
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It's asking them the deeper history of the family.
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You know how sometimes you know a little bit, and I'm not talking about just family tree
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like homework you did back in high school or junior high school or fourth grade, fifth grade.
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I'm talking about for yourself, like, listen, who was Grandpa, honestly?
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What is the thing with what we really stand for?
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You know, I literally have a two-hour interview with my dad that I did three years ago.
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I said, what do you mean why am I interviewing you?
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I said, let me tell you why I'm doing this interview.
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Because one day your grandkids, would you like to have a video of your grandpa where
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you can sit down and watch your grandpa talk one day?
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I said, your grandkids are going to be able to watch you speak in this video because you're
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You know that we have the conversation together.
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But it's to get the deeper history of family because I can tell you there's one thing that
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if you were sitting right here in front of me, within five, ten minutes, today I had
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somebody who's a whistleblower, sat right in front of me, right here.
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She was sitting right in front of me before we shot this video.
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And she's the whistleblower from Cambridge Analytica.
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We're sitting here talking and we're obviously talking about what happened with the election
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And by the time I go into it, I said, tell me about your parents.
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My grandpa was a military intelligence, 27 years.
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My family's Jewish and Poland and Russia and all this stuff, right?
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Because when you go deeper in your family history roots, it's happy and emotional because
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And imagine you don't have those conversations with them.
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This is why it's a good idea to set up a time to go sit down with your parents and ask
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This may not apply to a lot of you guys because if your parents are together, then you don't
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But if your parents are divorced, this sensitive conversation about getting remarried, right?
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Now, if your parents don't have a problem getting remarried and they've done it a few
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But I'm talking about some of you guys that have parents where they don't want to get
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Okay, I'm going to ask this question both from my mom and my dad because in the Middle
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Eastern culture, both my parents are very proud.
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Their kids matter a lot to my mom and the kids matter a lot to their kids.
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We matter a lot to her and we matter a lot to my dad.
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And many times, they don't do it because they're afraid of losing your relationship.
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Because this is tough to describe, but you can take it any way you want.
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And if somebody from the outside comes in that is possibly going to take that attention
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away from you and get mom's attention now more than she gives to you, or dad gets attention
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from somebody else than you, you may think you're okay with it, but you may not be okay
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But if it helps them have somebody to have a conversation with long term, if it helps them
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have somebody to go to dinner with, somebody to go to movies with, to have fun with, to
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have private time with, and it makes them a happier person, you've got to be able to
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It's because they're worried about how you think about them, and they're worried about
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And the kid love is different than any other companion you may have.
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Again, it may not matter to any one of you that are watching this.
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Maybe there's only a few of you that are watching this saying, that's exactly to me
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Maybe you've got to have a conversation with them and let them free, set them free and tell them,
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say, mom, I think it's a good idea for you to find somebody.
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Dad, I think you've got to, you may be 68, but you're 68, you've still got 20, 30 more
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It's a, it doesn't matter they're going to do it, but they're going to be free if you
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You know, this last one is an interesting one because just the other day, Emmitt Smith,
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the running back, his son, everybody was wondering what college he's going to go to.
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Now, Emmitt Smith went to Florida, Gators, right?
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And it's this interesting scene where his son, the father is hoping he goes to Florida
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to keep it in the family, but the son says, I'm taking my talents to Stanford, okay?
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Now, the media is all watching what the dad's reaction is going to be.
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Let me tell you what the dad says in front of the media.
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He says, listen, we, I would like my son to be a Florida Gator.
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Matter of fact, he puts the hat on, I am a Gator, but we've raised our sons to make the
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right decisions for themselves at the stage of their lives they're at.
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At the end of the day, my son has his own journey, and it is his journey, not my journey.
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And for him to do the things that is best for him is what we teach all of our children,
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to find what is best for you and go make it happen for yourself.
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It's because that son was tough enough to make that decision to go there.
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It's a reflection of the character the parents pass on to their kids.
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You understand, when the son makes that kind of a decision, a father's sitting right next
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I tip my hat off to Emmett Smith, the father, and a mother, right?
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You also need to have a conversation with your parents and tell them what your dreams are
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It may not be aligned with what they want you to be.
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Believe me, one day my kids, they're going to have strong personalities because I'm their father.
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They're going to sit me down and say, Dad, here's kind of what I want to do in my life.
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You're an entrepreneur, your business, all good.
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And as long as I've taught them the right way of thinking and processing, and they come
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to me and tell me that, and they're serious about their decision, I'm going to say, Son,
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But if you don't have that conversation with your parents, they're going to be confused.
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Half the time, your parents don't believe your dreams are that serious to you.
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And by the way, you may go tell your parents about it, and they may blow you off.
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And it's on you to convince them that you're fully supported about your dreams.
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Because a lot of times, kids want to go tell their parents, one day is this, one day is
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that, one day is this, one day is that, one day is this.
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Of course your parents are not going to believe you.
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But if you go tell them, here's what I want to do, and you deliver on it, you will gain
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the level of respect from your parents that you never had before.
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So go have that conversation with your parents about what your dreams are, as long as you
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are crystal clear about your dreams, and you're willing to put the work behind it to have
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Thanks everybody for listening, and by the way, if you haven't already subscribed to
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Give us a five star, write a review if you haven't already, and if you have any questions
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