Valuetainment - Episode 418： 10 Conversations to Have with Your Parents as an Entrepreneur

00:00:00.500 30 seconds.

00:00:01.880 Did you ever think you would make it?

00:00:04.540 I feel I'm so close I could take sweet victory.

00:00:07.660 I know this life meant for me.

00:00:10.780 Yeah, why would you bet on Goliath when we got Bet David?

00:00:14.620 Valuetainment, giving value is contagious.

00:00:16.440 This world of entrepreneurs, we get no value to haters.

00:00:19.180 How they run, homie, look what I become.

00:00:21.420 I'm the one.

00:00:22.500 I'm Patrick, may they be host of Valuetainment.

00:00:24.020 Today we're going to talk about 10 conversations you ought to have with your parents.

00:00:27.280 Yes, you.

00:00:28.100 You're an entrepreneur.

00:00:28.860 You got big dreams.

00:00:29.720 You want to do big things.

00:00:30.620 You're afraid of that conversation you got to have with your mom and dad.

00:00:33.680 We're going to talk about the 10 conversations you must have with your parents.

00:00:37.680 Look, one of the first conversations you got to have with your parents is for them not to

00:00:40.380 impose their fears on you.

00:00:41.520 And let me explain to you what I mean by not imposing their fears on you.

00:00:44.700 This happens so often.

00:00:46.460 It's a, they're not doing it intentionally.

00:00:48.340 They're not trying to hurt you.

00:00:49.680 There is no negative intentions.

00:00:51.560 It's just they failed.

00:00:52.840 They have pain, so they want to pass it on to you in a way of thinking that they're protecting you.

00:00:56.660 Let me give you an idea what happened the other day.

00:00:58.100 The other day, someone texted me.

00:01:00.440 I have a text that you can text me now.

00:01:02.040 The number is going to be somewhere around here.

00:01:03.860 This kid texted me.

00:01:04.660 He says, I'm sitting with my grandpa.

00:01:06.020 We're watching one of your videos.

00:01:07.940 And while I'm showing him this video about being an entrepreneur, my grandfather says,

00:01:12.440 be careful starting a business or being inspired that these things are possible.

00:01:17.340 Because when you do fail, it's very painful.

00:01:19.800 When you do fail, right?

00:01:20.780 And he's saying, this is, what should I say to my grandfather?

00:01:23.720 What would you tell him?

00:01:24.960 I said, have your grandfather read this.

00:01:27.620 I said, I hope your grandpa is not imposing his fears and failures on his grandson.

00:01:35.520 Because if he does, his grandson will also have the same fears and failures that he had.

00:01:40.780 He responds back to me.

00:01:41.960 He says, that was a deep message.

00:01:43.900 I showed it to my grandpa.

00:01:45.080 He had nothing to say.

00:01:46.420 Why?

00:01:47.220 You know why?

00:01:48.180 Because that's exactly where the grandpa went.

00:01:50.460 All he thought about is, oh my gosh.

00:01:53.260 All I just did with this 22-year-old soul who has the ability to go out there and build something significant,

00:01:59.500 I just shared my fears and insecurities and failures with him.

00:02:03.600 What if he believes it?

00:02:05.500 Then he's just going to go be average and ordinary.

00:02:07.660 So it's very important for you to sit there and say, look mom, look dad, I just want to tell you.

00:02:11.400 I love you.

00:02:12.260 You have no idea how much I love you.

00:02:13.980 You've done this for me.

00:02:14.740 You've done that for me.

00:02:15.400 You've done this for me.

00:02:15.980 But I've got to tell you, sometimes I feel like you're passing your fears and failures

00:02:19.520 on me and I don't want to be that person.

00:02:21.580 I understand it didn't work out for you with Bob.

00:02:23.300 I understand it didn't work out for you with your uncle or your brother.

00:02:25.860 But I want to go out there and build a business and I need you to support me.

00:02:28.540 Or don't say anything negative to me about my business.

00:02:31.440 I need you to leave me alone there.

00:02:32.720 Can you please support me there?

00:02:34.500 And I see what they're going to do with it and what kind of a conversation.

00:02:36.660 Maybe a little bit of friction, but I guarantee you even after a friction, a day later,

00:02:40.960 two days later, three days later, they're going to say, you know what?

00:02:43.780 I'm proud of my son that he can have these kinds of tough conversations.

00:02:46.320 Son, we'll support you.

00:02:47.640 That's the first conversation I'd have with him.

00:02:49.380 The next thing you got to talk to your parents about is certain things that they said while

00:02:52.980 you were growing up that stuck with you, that you believe it, that may not be the truth.

00:02:57.080 It's your parents' truth that's been passed down to you.

00:03:00.260 But it's created some kind of a limiting belief in you that's got to be addressed.

00:03:03.540 Let me talk about what I'm saying in this part here.

00:03:05.360 I grew up and my mother, we had a relative, she would always say things about this relative.

00:03:12.500 He was the wealthiest person in our relative.

00:03:14.440 We'd say, oh my gosh, bad person.

00:03:16.360 All he cares about is money, greedy, all this other stuff.

00:03:18.900 Every time I would see this man as a kid, I would kind of look at him like this.

00:03:22.540 Just kind of like, you know, what a greedy man you are.

00:03:25.140 And I can't believe he said, because I'm loyal to who?

00:03:27.360 My mom.

00:03:27.820 I'm loyal to my mom.

00:03:28.680 That's my mom. 0.99

00:03:29.400 Why wouldn't I be loyal to my mom?

00:03:31.240 Fast forward years later.

00:03:32.920 I'm 13, 14 years old.

00:03:34.320 We're in the U.S., okay?

00:03:36.460 So I go to this guy's house once a year.

00:03:38.260 My dad would take me.

00:03:39.400 7,200 square foot house, next door neighbor to Snoop Dogg, in Upland, San Antonio, if you

00:03:44.700 know the area.

00:03:45.280 Anyways, California.

00:03:46.880 And he had a tennis court, basketball court, swimming pool, garden, fruits, pool table,

00:03:51.740 office, pictures with Al Gore presidents.

00:03:54.380 One picture of his entire family with white.

00:03:56.400 In the morning when they would have breakfast, the 20, 30 people would come together because

00:04:00.040 they all lived together.

00:04:00.680 They would have breakfast.

00:04:01.780 I would see how these kids always wanted to be around him.

00:04:04.120 Like, wait a minute.

00:04:04.720 If this guy's so bad, who knows more bad things about him than his own kids?

00:04:09.240 Why do his kids want to be around him?

00:04:11.280 I don't care if other people don't want to be around me.

00:04:14.080 If my kids who know me the best want to be around me, I'm a winner.

00:04:17.000 Am I not?

00:04:18.260 Fast forward, I'm 33 years old, okay?

00:04:22.400 My mom and I have a sit-down in her kitchen.

00:04:24.960 And I said, Mom, can I ask you a question?

00:04:26.200 She said, yes.

00:04:27.340 Why did you not like this person?

00:04:28.780 You realize, you made me not like rich people because of what stuff you said about him.

00:04:33.600 Why did you say the stuff you said about him?

00:04:35.460 And my mother had so much respect for her.

00:04:37.300 She said, you know what, Pat?

00:04:38.140 At that time, I didn't like the fact that when he became rich, he couldn't spend time with us anymore.

00:04:45.860 And we wouldn't see him as much as we used to anymore.

00:04:48.060 I didn't like that.

00:04:49.220 To me, it felt like he was being snobby because he made a lot of money.

00:04:52.200 I said, well, Mom, when this guy starts building a business and an empire, it's kind of tough to go and try to spend time and accommodate time with everybody.

00:04:57.960 You just don't have that kind of time.

00:04:59.000 I relate because I'm your son now.

00:05:00.760 And I've experienced that.

00:05:02.280 She says, no, I get it now.

00:05:03.240 But that's what it was at that time.

00:05:04.180 I said, oh, my gosh, for 33 years, I believe this.

00:05:07.060 For 33 years, I believe this.

00:05:08.900 50 pounds off my back.

00:05:10.500 That was just some fear that was passed down to me.

00:05:12.820 Some of the things that you may have heard from your parents may be different than what I said.

00:05:16.340 But you've got to go ask them because if you don't, their truth will be your truth, even though it's not the truth.

00:05:23.000 So, look, this next one is in every relationship.

00:05:24.940 You need to be kind of doing this, even with your boyfriend, husband, wife, girlfriend.

00:05:28.900 Sitting down with your mom and dad and saying, this is what I need from you.

00:05:31.540 Very simple.

00:05:32.120 What is it you need from me?

00:05:33.480 Whatever it is you do.

00:05:34.400 I remember one time I pulled my dad and said, I said, Dad, I need you to start telling me you love me.

00:05:38.860 I was 21 years old.

00:05:39.740 I got out of the army.

00:05:40.460 I've never heard my dad say I love you.

00:05:42.200 And he says, you want me to tell you I love you?

00:05:44.560 I said, I want you to tell me you love me.

00:05:45.600 Say you love me.

00:05:46.540 I want to hear it.

00:05:47.720 He says, you are becoming American.

00:05:50.100 I tell you.

00:05:51.080 What is this I love you?

00:05:52.660 You know I love you.

00:05:53.640 I don't need to tell you I love you.

00:05:55.040 I said, you need to tell me you love me.

00:05:56.560 He says, I don't tell you I love you.

00:05:57.700 You already know I love you.

00:05:58.520 He gets upset.

00:05:59.440 He walks off.

00:05:59.920 I said, what's the matter with this guy?

00:06:02.700 So I leave.

00:06:03.280 I go to work the next day.

00:06:04.120 Valley Tour de Fitness.

00:06:05.480 I get a call.

00:06:06.540 Pat, your father's calling you on line one.

00:06:09.300 My dad's calling me.

00:06:09.980 He never calls me at work because he thinks it's disrespectful.

00:06:12.580 He would never do this.

00:06:13.300 My dad, he thinks when people's family call them at work, they're insulting the business.

00:06:18.820 That's my dad.

00:06:19.920 So I pick up.

00:06:20.600 I said, Dad, what's up?

00:06:21.900 He says, uh-huh.

00:06:23.140 Uh-huh.

00:06:24.500 How's work?

00:06:25.720 Work is good, Dad.

00:06:27.040 Okay.

00:06:28.040 Okay.

00:06:29.040 Good.

00:06:30.020 Okay.

00:06:30.860 I said, Dad, you okay?

00:06:32.100 Yes.

00:06:32.940 Okay.

00:06:33.780 Okay.

00:06:34.620 Okay, I love you.

00:06:35.460 Click.

00:06:36.280 He hangs up.

00:06:37.420 I'm like, what is the matter with this guy?

00:06:39.820 He hangs up the phone.

00:06:41.280 Then I get another call.

00:06:43.040 Patrick, your sister, I'm lying to him.

00:06:44.720 I'm like, why is my sister calling my office, the gym runner?

00:06:47.640 She calls me lying to.

00:06:48.740 So I pick up the call.

00:06:49.880 My sister calls in, right?

00:06:51.560 So I pick up the call.

00:06:52.460 I'm like, Paulette, what's up?

00:06:53.200 She says, did you speak to Dad today?

00:06:55.540 I said, yeah, why?

00:06:56.440 Is he okay?

00:06:57.200 I said, why?

00:06:58.580 He says, he just called me.

00:07:00.500 He said, I love you.

00:07:01.060 And he hung up.

00:07:02.020 I started cracking up.

00:07:05.760 Then he really says, yeah.

00:07:07.260 I said, he's okay.

00:07:08.400 Last night I had a conversation with him.

00:07:10.240 I said, you got to start telling your kids you love them.

00:07:12.820 And she's like, oh, I thought he was having heart issues.

00:07:15.980 I said, he's totally fine.

00:07:16.840 I went home.

00:07:17.300 And by the way, from that day till today, my dad says, I love you more than we say it

00:07:22.620 to him now because he loves saying, I love you to me, to my wife, to his daughter, to

00:07:27.160 his, you know, grandson, granddaughter, to everybody.

00:07:30.220 He's all about love now.

00:07:31.460 But we had to have that conversation.

00:07:33.640 So rather than being upset with your parents because they don't say it, have the conversation

00:07:37.140 with them.

00:07:37.600 The next one is if you have kids.

00:07:38.980 This is not to everybody that doesn't have kids, but you can think about this one day

00:07:41.840 when it happens.

00:07:42.780 How you plan on raising your kids?

00:07:44.860 And what does this mean?

00:07:45.780 Some of the things your parents did, maybe you don't like, you know, some of the things

00:07:49.120 your parents didn't do, maybe you want to do and they may not want to do.

00:07:53.440 It's just a conversation to have to say, look, you know, you could be disciplined, your kids

00:07:57.680 in a certain way and your mom or your father undermines you in front of them.

00:08:00.760 Wait a minute.

00:08:01.520 What just happened right here?

00:08:03.320 Can I have a conversation with you guys?

00:08:05.160 This is how I'm planning on raising my kids.

00:08:07.620 I understand they're your grandkids.

00:08:09.280 I love it.

00:08:09.980 But this is how I'm raising my kids.

00:08:12.200 And these are things that are very important to me.

00:08:14.100 They could be very simple things.

00:08:15.780 The fact that you don't want the kids to watch TV freely all day long, you just hand them

00:08:18.720 the remote.

00:08:19.500 Your parents may think that's okay.

00:08:21.100 You have to tell them that's not okay with my kids.

00:08:22.820 Maybe the fact that you want your kids to read, but you didn't grow up reading.

00:08:25.660 Maybe you want your kids to play outside, but you didn't play outside.

00:08:28.680 Maybe you want your kids to be inside, but you grew up on the outside.

00:08:31.540 It doesn't matter.

00:08:32.300 Whatever it is that is important to you.

00:08:33.880 This is not nitpicking stuff.

00:08:35.600 To me, it's not like 50 different things.

00:08:37.060 It's really three different things.

00:08:38.300 I'm not bringing up with a list of, hey, let me go through a list of 55 different things that

00:08:42.280 I want to give you in a manual on how to do this with my kids.

00:08:44.840 No.

00:08:45.440 But it is certain conversations.

00:08:47.120 In this household, we're raising our family as Christians.

00:08:49.960 We're not talking about God here.

00:08:51.300 In our family, we're going to be doing this.

00:08:52.600 In our family, we believe in this.

00:08:53.920 These are the things that I want to raise my kids with.

00:08:55.660 I think a lot of times when you have that conversation, it's a little bit uncomfortable

00:08:59.340 at first for them because they're like, who are you to tell me how to do this?

00:09:02.020 Because I'm your parent, you know?

00:09:04.160 I had you.

00:09:05.100 You tell me how to talk to your grandkids.

00:09:06.740 Are you out of your mind?

00:09:08.180 But you need to have the conversation because they're not going to spend as much time around

00:09:12.180 your kids as you're going to spend around your kids.

00:09:15.180 And one day, the responsibility of how your kids turn out is not going to be the grandparents.

00:09:19.100 It's going to be the parents.

00:09:20.080 You need to kind of control the point of contact.

00:09:21.620 Now, it's a different story if you're living in a cultural family where grandparents are there

00:09:25.280 and they're spending more time with your kids than you are, they have the authority to say

00:09:29.100 some of this stuff because they're around them more than you.

00:09:31.560 But for the most part, you need to have a conversation with them and tell them how you

00:09:34.400 plan on raising your kids.

00:09:35.680 This next one's a tough one for a lot of people because they're uncomfortable talking

00:09:38.860 about their parents' finances with them.

00:09:40.840 It's like, you know, I've been in the financial industry for now nearly 20 years as an advisor,

00:09:46.000 Morgan Stanley, and now ourselves.

00:09:48.600 And you would go sit down with people and say, tell me about your parents.

00:09:51.200 You know, what kind of financial situation are they?

00:09:52.880 Are they relying on you?

00:09:53.980 I don't know.

00:09:55.020 Are your parents on track to be, to retire?

00:09:57.380 I don't know.

00:09:58.140 I can't tell you how many people would tell me I don't know.

00:10:00.500 I said, how do you not know?

00:10:01.760 We can't have that conversation.

00:10:03.200 We've never had that conversation.

00:10:04.600 Why have you not had that conversation?

00:10:06.440 Have you spoken about long-term care?

00:10:08.260 Where do they want to live?

00:10:09.220 Do they want to be taken care of?

00:10:10.300 Do they want to stay at an old folks home? 1.00

00:10:11.960 Do they want to stay home?

00:10:13.340 You know, what about final expenses?

00:10:14.920 They don't want the kids to have a, you know, falling out between the kids because a lot

00:10:19.080 of times parents want the kids to stay together when they die, right?

00:10:22.280 But a lot of times because parents don't prepare.

00:10:24.700 To have these tougher conversations when a parent dies and there's some kind of a will,

00:10:28.580 the money's being fought within siblings, and then all of a sudden there's a falling

00:10:32.340 out among siblings because the parents didn't have their finances in order.

00:10:35.400 So in reality, it was a parent's fault on the way they handled their finances.

00:10:38.440 So if you don't have these conversations, one day could lead to a falling out between

00:10:42.800 the family members.

00:10:43.580 And I promise you, your parents don't want that.

00:10:45.460 So you need to sit down and have the conversation with them about money and finances, where they're

00:10:49.140 currently at and what direction they need and what kind of help they're going to need long

00:10:52.860 term.

00:10:53.460 Like this next conversation is sometimes uncomfortable on yourself as well as your parents because,

00:10:58.260 you know, like when you talk about health with your parents and it comes down to possibly

00:11:03.580 talking about length of living and heart and all this stuff, parents don't want their kids

00:11:09.160 to talk to them about dying.

00:11:10.740 You know, like you're talking to me as if you want me to die because it's sensitive.

00:11:13.980 Like it can come across that way sometimes and for the right reasons because as you get

00:11:18.560 older, the one fear that's on your mind all the time is dying.

00:11:22.000 It's no longer the fear of being accepted or friends or being cool or finding a girl or

00:11:25.940 finding, you know, kids.

00:11:27.240 It's, am I going to live long?

00:11:28.680 Am I going to die?

00:11:29.460 What's going to happen to me?

00:11:30.360 And so when it comes down to health, it's encouraging physicals.

00:11:34.460 Dad, when's the last time you got your heart checked out?

00:11:36.000 Who's your doctor?

00:11:36.780 Relationship with the doctor.

00:11:37.740 Whether depending on the age of your father or your mother is having something with them

00:11:42.080 that if something goes on, they press a button, 911 gets called.

00:11:45.500 You know, everything with that is purely preparation.

00:11:48.040 How are your teeth?

00:11:49.400 How's your, you know, bones doing?

00:11:51.480 Tell me how you're doing with your hair.

00:11:53.680 For some people, hair gets thinner.

00:11:55.340 You need to have those conversations.

00:11:56.760 What is it that you want to be able to feel confident about yourself?

00:11:59.580 But these are things about health that you need to have a conversation with because

00:12:02.440 myself, my dad's had 13 heart attacks.

00:12:04.900 Okay, he's got three stents in his heart.

00:12:06.360 50% of his heart is black.

00:12:08.700 When I mean black, I mean it's dead. 1.00

00:12:10.660 Half his heart is dead.

00:12:11.500 So we've had to have these conversations a long time ago because he was a smoker and

00:12:16.300 he drank a lot when he was younger.

00:12:18.480 So some of these things are tough conversations to have, but normally when you're having more

00:12:23.740 of a serious conversations, your energy and your spirit needs to be lower, calmer.

00:12:28.540 They can go here.

00:12:29.660 You need to stay here.

00:12:30.600 And even if the mutual siblings come together and say, mom, we want to have a conversation

00:12:35.360 with you.

00:12:35.740 Dad, we want to have a conversation with you.

00:12:37.260 We love you.

00:12:37.940 We kind of want to know where you're at health-wise.

00:12:39.400 We kind of think that this smoking thing's got to be dropped because it's really hurting

00:12:42.120 you.

00:12:42.620 But you need to have that conversation.

00:12:44.200 And even if they go here, you cannot go there because you won't get any results.

00:12:47.580 You got to figure out a way to stay here.

00:12:49.220 Even though you're dying to go here, try to control yourself to stay here when you're having

00:12:53.720 a tough conversation with them.

00:12:54.760 This next one's a little weird because as people get older, kids think parents no longer

00:12:59.100 have dreams, right?

00:13:00.140 It's like, oh, my dad's seven years old.

00:13:01.660 What kind of dreams is he going to have?

00:13:03.360 My dad's 60 years old.

00:13:04.360 What do you mean he has dreams?

00:13:05.780 So for me, I would ask my dad, I would say, dad, what are some of your dreams?

00:13:10.220 He's like, what are you talking about?

00:13:10.980 What do you want to do?

00:13:11.800 What do you mean what do I want to do?

00:13:12.680 What do you want to do?

00:13:14.100 What are some things you want to do?

00:13:15.940 I don't know which.

00:13:17.440 What do you want to do?

00:13:18.560 I wouldn't mind going to Hawaii.

00:13:19.820 Okay, great.

00:13:20.780 What do you want to do?

00:13:21.800 I wouldn't mind going to Hawaii.

00:13:22.800 Like one day, I told my dad, I said, dad, you got to tell me what you want to do.

00:13:25.380 Dreams, right?

00:13:25.880 Because these are things that causes family and parents to want to live longer.

00:13:32.240 Sometimes we forget to ask dreams from people as they get older because dreams is the only

00:13:35.980 conversation we have with kids and young adults, but we don't do it with somebody that's 60, 0.99

00:13:40.360 70, 80 years old.

00:13:41.660 I said, dad, I want you to think about some of the things you want to do.

00:13:44.180 What does he want to do?

00:13:44.980 My dad called me out of the blue one day and he says, you know what I want to do?

00:13:47.300 I said, what's that?

00:13:48.140 He said, the U.S. Open is this week.

00:13:49.500 I'm going to go to it.

00:13:50.080 I said, you're serious?

00:13:51.020 Yeah.

00:13:51.260 You want to, you want to, which U.S. Open?

00:13:54.060 Golf or tennis?

00:13:54.800 Tennis.

00:13:55.680 You follow tennis?

00:13:56.800 I like tennis.

00:13:58.040 Since when you follow tennis?

00:13:59.820 I mean, I've never seen you hit all the racket with tennis.

00:14:03.240 I like tennis.

00:14:04.180 Why do you like tennis?

00:14:05.280 Nadal is in the finals.

00:14:06.900 You know Nadal.

00:14:07.900 Of course I know Nadal.

00:14:08.760 You watch tennis?

00:14:09.640 I love tennis.

00:14:10.680 So we're going back and forth.

00:14:11.680 Okay, so what do you want to do?

00:14:12.940 You said that you told me I want to go.

00:14:15.220 What do you want?

00:14:15.620 I want to go.

00:14:15.880 Okay, let's go.

00:14:16.580 So I booked the flight.

00:14:17.980 We went to New York.

00:14:19.680 We got tickets.

00:14:20.580 Bill Gates was there.

00:14:21.540 All these guys were there.

00:14:22.440 In the middle of the match, I have my dad say something on Snapchat.

00:14:27.440 U.S. Open picks it up.

00:14:28.800 ESPN picks it up.

00:14:29.760 Within five hours, it's got 600,000 views.

00:14:32.240 His friends are texting him saying, you're on Snapchat.

00:14:35.260 He still doesn't know what Snapchat is.

00:14:37.540 It's been shown all over the place.

00:14:39.160 He's having the time of his life.

00:14:40.760 And to him, that's like, hey, that's great.

00:14:42.860 What are we doing next?

00:14:43.580 So it's very, very important for you to have a sit-down with your parents and say, Mom,

00:14:47.840 what are some of your dreams?

00:14:48.660 What are some things you want to do?

00:14:49.660 Dad, what are some of the things you want to do?

00:14:51.620 You will be blown away by their reaction, and you're going to love having this conversation

00:14:56.880 with them.

00:14:57.500 So this next one is purely for you.

00:14:59.080 And let me explain to you what I mean by this is purely for you.

00:15:00.840 It's asking them the deeper history of the family.

00:15:02.880 You know how sometimes you know a little bit, and I'm not talking about just family tree

00:15:07.760 like homework you did back in high school or junior high school or fourth grade, fifth grade.

00:15:11.200 I'm talking about for yourself, like, listen, who was Grandpa, honestly?

00:15:15.060 Tell me about some crazy stuff about Grandpa.

00:15:16.940 Who was Grandma?

00:15:17.740 Who was I more like?

00:15:18.680 Who were you more like?

00:15:19.880 What were some of the things you guys faced?

00:15:21.220 What was your mom and dad's relationship?

00:15:22.740 How was your relationship with Grandpa?

00:15:24.720 What is this whole thing about with Assyrians? 1.00

00:15:26.680 Who are we really?

00:15:27.420 How do you view Assyrians?

00:15:28.480 How do you view Armenians?

00:15:29.600 Whatever you may be.

00:15:30.660 How do you view people from Honduras?

00:15:32.100 How do you view people from Puerto Rico?

00:15:33.580 How do you view Vietnamese folks?

00:15:35.020 What do you think about us?

00:15:36.440 What is the thing with what we really stand for?

00:15:39.060 You're asking them these questions.

00:15:40.500 Who were you in high school?

00:15:41.680 You're interviewing them.

00:15:42.840 You know, I literally have a two-hour interview with my dad that I did three years ago.

00:15:47.940 It's never been shared anywhere.

00:15:49.300 It's for me.

00:15:50.160 And he says, why are you interviewing me?

00:15:52.600 I said, what do you mean why am I interviewing you?

00:15:54.520 Why is this camera?

00:15:55.720 I told you, I don't like this camera stuff.

00:15:58.500 Put this camera stuff away.

00:16:00.520 I said, do you like your grandkids?

00:16:02.440 Of course I like my grandkids.

00:16:04.140 What kind of a stupid question is this?

00:16:06.160 I said, let me tell you why I'm doing this interview.

00:16:08.060 Because one day your grandkids, would you like to have a video of your grandpa where

00:16:12.040 you can sit down and watch your grandpa talk one day?

00:16:13.920 He says, of course.

00:16:14.860 I said, your grandkids are going to be able to watch you speak in this video because you're

00:16:18.240 going to give them life advice.

00:16:19.440 Uh-huh.

00:16:20.240 Okay.

00:16:20.800 Let's do the camera.

00:16:21.740 Bring the camera.

00:16:22.540 You know that we have the conversation together.

00:16:24.740 But it's to get the deeper history of family because I can tell you there's one thing that

00:16:31.340 if you were sitting right here in front of me, within five, ten minutes, today I had

00:16:36.440 somebody who's a whistleblower, sat right in front of me, right here.

00:16:38.700 She was sitting right in front of me before we shot this video. 0.99

00:16:40.780 And she's the whistleblower from Cambridge Analytica.

00:16:43.960 We're sitting here talking and we're obviously talking about what happened with the election

00:16:46.980 and Trump and Brexit and all this, Facebook.

00:16:50.020 And by the time I go into it, I said, tell me about your parents.

00:16:53.880 Start talking about her parents.

00:16:55.540 I said, tell me about your grandpa.

00:16:56.920 My grandpa was a military intelligence, 27 years.

00:17:00.220 My mom was working at Enron.

00:17:01.720 My dad was a real estate person.

00:17:03.200 My family's Jewish and Poland and Russia and all this stuff, right?

00:17:06.700 And she's telling all these stories.

00:17:09.260 Do you know what happened all of a sudden?

00:17:11.020 She starts crying.

00:17:12.600 She gets emotional with a smile on her face.

00:17:14.940 You know why?

00:17:15.820 Because when you go deeper in your family history roots, it's happy and emotional because

00:17:22.440 it's you.

00:17:24.200 It's a part of you.

00:17:25.840 It's a beautiful thing.

00:17:27.020 And imagine you don't have those conversations with them.

00:17:29.860 This is why it's a good idea to set up a time to go sit down with your parents and ask

00:17:33.980 them some questions about your family history.

00:17:35.860 I promise you, you'll be blown away by it.

00:17:38.380 This may not apply to a lot of you guys because if your parents are together, then you don't

00:17:41.900 need to have this conversation.

00:17:42.780 But if your parents are divorced, this sensitive conversation about getting remarried, right?

00:17:48.400 Now, if your parents don't have a problem getting remarried and they've done it a few

00:17:51.400 times, you don't need this video.

00:17:52.640 This doesn't apply to you, okay?

00:17:54.440 But I'm talking about some of you guys that have parents where they don't want to get

00:17:57.980 remarried.

00:17:59.080 You've got to ask them why.

00:18:00.160 Okay, I'm going to ask this question both from my mom and my dad because in the Middle

00:18:05.580 Eastern culture, both my parents are very proud.

00:18:08.380 And their kids matter a lot to them.

00:18:10.620 Both of them.

00:18:11.320 Their kids matter a lot to my mom and the kids matter a lot to their kids.

00:18:16.100 My mother's kids.

00:18:16.900 We matter a lot to her and we matter a lot to my dad.

00:18:19.280 And many times, they don't do it because they're afraid of losing your relationship.

00:18:26.320 It's not an easy one.

00:18:27.380 Let me explain to you why.

00:18:29.060 Because this is tough to describe, but you can take it any way you want.

00:18:34.200 We as kids are greedy.

00:18:36.760 We want all the attention, okay?

00:18:38.960 And if somebody from the outside comes in that is possibly going to take that attention

00:18:44.860 away from you and get mom's attention now more than she gives to you, or dad gets attention

00:18:50.660 from somebody else than you, you may think you're okay with it, but you may not be okay

00:18:55.800 with it.

00:18:56.820 But if it helps them have somebody to have a conversation with long term, if it helps them

00:19:02.560 have somebody to go to dinner with, somebody to go to movies with, to have fun with, to

00:19:06.680 have private time with, and it makes them a happier person, you've got to be able to

00:19:10.700 find a way to support it.

00:19:11.880 But a lot of times, they don't do it.

00:19:13.560 It's because they're worried about how you think about them, and they're worried about

00:19:16.960 possibly losing your love.

00:19:18.480 And the kid love is different than any other companion you may have.

00:19:21.460 This may be cultural.

00:19:22.400 Again, it may not matter to any one of you that are watching this.

00:19:24.500 Maybe there's only a few of you that are watching this saying, that's exactly to me

00:19:28.820 and my parents.

00:19:30.280 Maybe you've got to have a conversation with them and let them free, set them free and tell them,

00:19:33.760 say, mom, I think it's a good idea for you to find somebody.

00:19:36.160 Dad, I think you've got to, you may be 68, but you're 68, you've still got 20, 30 more

00:19:40.060 years to live.

00:19:40.560 Why not?

00:19:41.020 What's wrong with it?

00:19:42.480 It's a, it doesn't matter they're going to do it, but they're going to be free if you

00:19:46.800 have that conversation with them.

00:19:47.980 And they're not going to bring it up to you.

00:19:49.220 It's a lot better if you bring it up to them.

00:19:50.980 You know, this last one is an interesting one because just the other day, Emmitt Smith,

00:19:56.080 the running back, his son, everybody was wondering what college he's going to go to.

00:20:00.860 Now, Emmitt Smith went to Florida, Gators, right?

00:20:04.180 And it's this interesting scene where his son, the father is hoping he goes to Florida

00:20:09.560 to keep it in the family, but the son says, I'm taking my talents to Stanford, okay?

00:20:15.980 Now, the media is all watching what the dad's reaction is going to be.

00:20:20.300 Let me tell you what the dad says in front of the media.

00:20:22.580 He says, listen, we, I would like my son to be a Florida Gator.

00:20:27.160 Matter of fact, he puts the hat on, I am a Gator, but we've raised our sons to make the

00:20:33.620 right decisions for themselves at the stage of their lives they're at.

00:20:37.860 I support my son to want to go to Stanford.

00:20:41.400 I'm going to wear this hat.

00:20:45.800 But I can wear this hat.

00:20:48.080 He doesn't have to wear this hat.

00:20:49.560 You know, his daddy went here.

00:20:50.880 That doesn't mean that my son has to go there.

00:20:52.760 At the end of the day, my son has his own journey, and it is his journey, not my journey.

00:21:00.360 And for him to do the things that is best for him is what we teach all of our children,

00:21:05.420 to find what is best for you and go make it happen for yourself.

00:21:09.180 What a moment.

00:21:10.800 Why is this such a special moment?

00:21:13.180 It's because that son was tough enough to make that decision to go there.

00:21:18.620 It's a reflection of the character the parents pass on to their kids.

00:21:22.140 That respect goes to the parents.

00:21:24.140 You understand, when the son makes that kind of a decision, a father's sitting right next

00:21:26.820 to them.

00:21:27.780 I tip my hat off to Emmett Smith, the father, and a mother, right?

00:21:31.980 What they did.

00:21:34.700 You also need to have a conversation with your parents and tell them what your dreams are

00:21:38.000 and who you want to be.

00:21:39.740 It may not be aligned with what they want you to be.

00:21:41.360 I got three kids.

00:21:42.140 Believe me, one day my kids, they're going to have strong personalities because I'm their father.

00:21:45.240 They're going to sit me down and say, Dad, here's kind of what I want to do in my life.

00:21:49.220 You're an entrepreneur, your business, all good.

00:21:51.560 I have no desire to want to do that.

00:21:53.980 I want to go be a lawyer.

00:21:55.080 I want to go make movies.

00:21:56.260 I want to go tell stories.

00:21:57.440 I want to go do this.

00:21:59.440 And as long as I've taught them the right way of thinking and processing, and they come

00:22:03.600 to me and tell me that, and they're serious about their decision, I'm going to say, Son,

00:22:07.280 honey, baby, you got my support, baby.

00:22:09.420 Go do what you want to do.

00:22:10.500 But if you don't have that conversation with your parents, they're going to be confused.

00:22:13.320 Half the time, your parents don't believe your dreams are that serious to you.

00:22:16.980 They don't really.

00:22:17.820 And by the way, you may go tell your parents about it, and they may blow you off.

00:22:21.020 That doesn't mean they don't support you.

00:22:22.480 That means they just don't believe you yet.

00:22:24.260 And it's on you to convince them that you're fully supported about your dreams.

00:22:28.740 Because a lot of times, kids want to go tell their parents, one day is this, one day is

00:22:32.180 that, one day is this, one day is that, one day is this.

00:22:33.700 Of course your parents are not going to believe you.

00:22:35.340 But if you go tell them, here's what I want to do, and you deliver on it, you will gain

00:22:39.380 the level of respect from your parents that you never had before.

00:22:41.580 So go have that conversation with your parents about what your dreams are, as long as you

00:22:46.180 are crystal clear about your dreams, and you're willing to put the work behind it to have

00:22:49.940 your dream become a reality.

00:22:50.900 Thanks everybody for listening, and by the way, if you haven't already subscribed to

00:22:54.140 Valuetainment on iTunes, please do so.

00:22:56.920 Give us a five star, write a review if you haven't already, and if you have any questions

00:23:00.900 for me that you may have, you can always find me on Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube.

00:23:05.880 Just search my name, PatrickBitDavid, and I actually do respond back when you snap me

00:23:10.620 or send me a message on Instagram.

00:23:12.620 With that being said, have a great day today.

00:23:14.420 Take care everybody.

00:23:15.180 Bye-bye.

00:23:15.420 Bye-bye.

Valuetainment - January 22, 2020

Episode 418： 10 Conversations to Have with Your Parents as an Entrepreneur

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