Valuetainment - How Successful People Ask for Help

00:00:00.000 So, crazy story about Benjamin Franklin. There was once a time where he had an enemy, a big enemy.

00:00:04.300 They're going back and forth, and eventually he figures out a way to get closer to him. He says,

00:00:09.080 you know what, maybe I'm going to ask him for help. I'm going to ask him to borrow one of his books.

00:00:13.580 He borrows the book. The enemy lends him the book. He puts the book in his office, never reads the

00:00:19.100 book. A week later, he gives it back to the enemy. He says, thank you so much for lending me the book.

00:00:23.580 All of a sudden, him and the enemy became best of friends. How does this happen? Because he

00:00:29.000 had the guts to ask somebody for help. So, today, we're going to talk about 12 reasons why maybe you

00:00:33.760 don't ask for help, seven ways to ask for help, and seven benefits if you actually ask for help.

00:00:44.320 Okay, so if this is a topic you're excited about, I want you to give me a thumbs up as well as

00:00:47.480 subscribe to the channel. Stay tuned until the end. I'm going to give you a PDF on today's topic.

00:00:50.640 So, let's get right into it. Number one reason why we don't ask for help is because it shows weakness.

00:00:54.840 You feel like if I ask this person for help, why would I ask for help? I'm strong. I don't need

00:01:00.160 your help. I can do it on my own. Why would I ask you a question like this? Because we're worried

00:01:03.820 because we're going to seem weak. Number two, perfectionists. Perfectionists have a hard time

00:01:07.400 asking for help because they don't think anybody can do the job as good as they can. So, they have

00:01:11.640 a very hard time having people around them that help them because like, let me just do myself.

00:01:15.900 You know what? I'm just going to do this on my own. You guys can't figure this stuff out. I'm going to do it

00:01:19.740 on my own. That's a perfectionist, right? And if you have that personality, you're going to build

00:01:23.600 a very small team because no one around you is going to be eventually learning how to do their

00:01:27.260 job because you keep doing everyone's job yourself. Number three, you're afraid because if you ask and

00:01:33.240 you say, hey, John, I need your help in this one area. I needed a referral for this person. Do you

00:01:38.740 know of anybody? Yeah, I can't really help you in that area. The idea of the other person saying no

00:01:43.240 to you scares you so much because you're so afraid of rejection. So, what do you do? You don't even ask

00:01:48.260 for help. So, fear of rejection is one of the reasons why we don't ask for help. Number four, shame.

00:01:52.320 What if the other person questions your expertise? Like, wait a minute. I thought this person knew

00:01:58.320 what they were doing. You know, they don't know what they're doing. Why are they asking? In your

00:02:02.920 mind, you're thinking, they're thinking that, so you're ashamed of saying, I don't want other people

00:02:07.200 to think that I don't know what I'm doing. God forbid people find that I don't know it all. Then

00:02:11.420 what do I do? It's a little bit of a mental game. Again, we play. Number five, don't like owing favors in

00:02:17.820 return. If you ask somebody for help, that person may six months later have to ask you

00:02:22.380 for help, and you don't want to be able to owe help back to the person. So, you're like, you know

00:02:26.820 what? I don't want to be in debt. So, because of that, I'm not going to ask you for help because,

00:02:30.560 God forbid, you ask me back for help. I have to say yes to you. Number six is don't want to be seen

00:02:35.480 as needy. Sometimes people who ask for help, they're a little too needy. You need me? Am I needy? I

00:02:40.660 don't want to be needy. I don't need you. I'm good. We don't want to be seen as needy. Number seven,

00:02:43.760 don't feel you've earned the right to ask for help. I haven't yet earned the right to ask for

00:02:47.900 help. By the way, this is actually a very noble reason when somebody doesn't feel they've earned

00:02:52.720 the right to ask for help. And sometimes you may be right where you haven't done enough. You haven't

00:02:56.980 watered the relationship enough to ask for help. But many times, nine out of 10 times, you've earned

00:03:02.540 the right to ask for help. You can ask for help because worse than they're going to say to you is

00:03:05.100 what? No. Number eight, feeling judged. The same thing as goes with shame. I don't want to be judged

00:03:10.000 for asking for help. Number nine, you don't want to burden someone else. If I ask

00:03:13.720 you for help, that means you got to take time out of your schedule to come and help me out. I don't

00:03:17.880 know if I want to burden you with that kind of help. So it's kind of like, I don't want to make

00:03:21.000 other people's life or I'll do everything for you. What do you need help from me? But I don't want to

00:03:25.260 put that burden on you. And that mindset limits how big of a thing you can build yourself business

00:03:29.980 wise. Number 10, bandwidth of contact is limited. You just may not have the right bandwidth. You may not

00:03:35.040 have that many deep relationships. Yesterday on one of the elite masterminds I do on a monthly basis

00:03:39.800 with different entrepreneurs around the world. One of the guys was asking about the relationships

00:03:45.060 and how does he get the right kind of employees. I said, the best employees, investors, salespeople,

00:03:50.740 contacts, technology, engineers, the best I've ever gotten is by asking for referrals from people from

00:03:56.940 with very high level of credibility, because the level of credibility of a person that gives me a

00:04:02.560 referral is typically the level of quality of the referral I get. So maybe your current

00:04:07.900 bandwidth of contacts you have is not that strong and you need to increase it. And you may be right

00:04:12.340 in that. So we've got to improve the contacts you have. Number 11, don't know how to ask for help,

00:04:16.340 which we'll talk about. And number 12, some prefer to help rather than to be helped. You like others,

00:04:22.780 you like to go out there and help others because it makes you feel so needed and special, but you

00:04:27.180 don't want others to feel the same way as you do. You just want to help others. God forbid you all other

00:04:31.240 people, you know, you ask for other people for help, it's not going to happen for you. So again,

00:04:35.020 it's a mental block. Some have to deal with next seven ways to ask for help. Number one,

00:04:39.980 be clear on what you need help with general asking for general help. People don't know how to help.

00:04:45.320 It's got to be specific. Here's what I'm looking for. Do you know anybody who dot, dot, dot rather

00:04:50.580 than, Hey, I'm thinking about doing this. What do you think about this? Can you help me with this?

00:04:54.180 It's general. I'm thinking about doing this. Here's the five things I need. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

00:04:58.340 Do you know anybody who can help me get this done? Yes, no, maybe, but at least you're going to be clear

00:05:02.980 on what you're asking for. Number two, 16 years ago, I'm asking the company I'm working for,

00:05:10.580 for a lot of things. Can we do this? Can we do this? Can we do that? Can we do this?

00:05:13.740 One of the CEOs who's running this multi-billion dollar company pulls me aside and says, can I ask

00:05:17.720 you, uh, can I give you some counsel? I said, absolutely. What's that? He said, you ask for so

00:05:23.260 many things that you want to see this company go to the next one. I got to tell you, I love all your

00:05:27.860 ideas. You got a lot of great ideas. He said, but here's the problem. You're dealing with corporate

00:05:31.540 corporate. And sometimes when you're dealing with corporate, they don't like it when you give them

00:05:36.060 seven things that they need to work on and improve on. He says, what's the one thing? If in the next

00:05:40.880 six months you can only ask for one thing to help and improve them, what would it be? And I said,

00:05:46.760 probably this. He says, then only ask for that and nothing else. But ask for that 20 times rather

00:05:53.040 than asking for 20 things, right? So focus one thing to help, ask for help rather than many different

00:05:59.780 things. Number three, give in advance. If any chance you get to help others, say, is there

00:06:03.740 anywhere I can help you? Is there anywhere I can help you? Is there anywhere I can help you? Is

00:06:06.060 there anything you need help with? Is there any contact? Is there anything? Make that part of your

00:06:09.360 repertoire. Constantly be asking people how you can help them because in return, when you ask for help,

00:06:14.240 they're going to be thinking and saying, well, this guy's helped me out as well. No problem. Let me go

00:06:17.400 out of my way to help you. Number four, give them an out to say no. So listen, I don't want you to be

00:06:22.600 fully committed to having to say yes or no, but I need help with something here. If you can, great. If you can't, no problem.

00:06:27.320 This gives me the ability to not feel pressured to have to say yes or no. And believe it or not,

00:06:33.680 the fact that I'm not pressured to say yes or no, I want to do more for you, if that makes any sense.

00:06:39.380 So listen, you may or may not be able to help me out in this area, but if you can, I will greatly

00:06:43.280 appreciate it. Here's what it is. I need that. Do you know anybody? Actually, you know what I do?

00:06:47.700 Let me think about it. I'll get back to you and they'll get back to you. Number five, thank them

00:06:51.200 regardless of yes or no. So they say, no, I can't help you. Don't give them an attitude.

00:06:56.360 Don't block them on Twitter. Don't block them on text. Just say, hey, all good. Totally understand.

00:07:02.120 Appreciate you even offering up. I figured you were going to be busy, but I wanted to ask you

00:07:05.400 anyways. Thank you. Next one. When asking for help, it helps more if you're doing it in person

00:07:10.280 rather than a text or a, you know, email or, you know, a DM. It's 34. Research has shown 34 times

00:07:16.660 more effective if you ask for help face-to-face instead of text, email, or DM. And last but not least

00:07:22.580 over here. If somebody helps you, give credit. Tell the world about it. I am so glad I met

00:07:28.640 Oscar through Bobby. Bobby, thank you, because now Bobby wants to introduce you to more people.

00:07:34.460 I am so glad that I was able to raise money from such and such investment from because

00:07:38.900 Jack introduced me to them or else I would have never met them. Thank you, Jack. The more

00:07:42.960 you give credit to people that have helped you, the more people want to continue to help you.

00:07:47.080 My content that I come up with is based on a lot of books, a lot of relationships, a lot of people

00:07:52.160 I've worked with, a lot of mentors, a lot of advisors, a lot of mentors, a lot of people I've

00:07:56.220 worked with. And anybody, if there's any feeling people don't like, is if somebody helped you get

00:08:02.540 to where you are today, you got to give them public credit or else it's going to be like, why am I

00:08:06.340 going to help you more often in your life? So that's that part. If somebody helps you, tell the world

00:08:09.540 about it. Next one is seven benefits for asking for help. Number one, you will find solutions to your

00:08:14.140 problems faster. You do it by yourself, it's going to take longer. So imagine how much is it worth you

00:08:17.920 to fix this problem six days versus six months? What is it worth you? Speed. Number two, you got

00:08:22.880 others to be vested into your problem being solved. It's like, hey, did we figure that part out? We

00:08:28.260 did. Did we figure it out? Yeah, we finally were able to raise that money. We were finally able to

00:08:31.320 hire that one person. We were finally able to get that office. Awesome. And I'm so happy for you. I'm glad I

00:08:35.160 was able to help. So people are vested in helping your mission become a reality. Number three,

00:08:40.020 creates a stronger bond. Remember that whole Ben Franklin with his enemy, the book, Can You Help

00:08:44.460 Me? Thank you for your help. Creates a stronger bond. Number four, a sign of a big thinker. The

00:08:49.440 bigger you think, the more help you need. You're comfortable asking other people for help. Number

00:08:53.200 five is humility is healthy. Asking for help means you don't know it all. People like humble people.

00:08:59.420 It's more attractive. It's also better for your mental health because you don't feel like you're all

00:09:03.620 by yourself because the last point is what? Loners carry heavy weight. When you ask for help, 0.99

00:09:10.220 you are rarely alone because others want to come for the ride with you. So having said that, if you

00:09:15.560 got value from today's episode, smash thumbs up and subscribe to the channel and text the word

00:09:19.720 ask for help to 310-340-1132. 310-340-1132. You will get the PDF of what we talked about in today's

00:09:27.740 episode and outside of that, if you enjoyed this video, I got another video for you to watch. It's titled

00:09:31.920 10 Questions Everyone Must Ask. Take care, everybody. Bye bye.

Valuetainment - August 10, 2021

How Successful People Ask for Help

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