Valuetainment - How To Raise Smart Kids Who Are Aware of Cyberbullying

00:00:00.040 Parents, I want to have a serious conversation with you and I want you to consider by the time

00:00:03.280 this video is done, first watch the whole thing to show it to your kids and watch it with them and

00:00:07.640 ask them, what do you think about this content? Because if you don't, high likelihood, some of

00:00:13.060 these things may be happening to them and they're uncomfortable talking to you about it. So as a

00:00:16.980 father of four kids, I show clips like this and I talk to my kids about things like this because

00:00:22.160 I'm a concerned parent and I think you are as well. So three stories I want to tell you about

00:00:25.800 and then we'll get into this whole concept of cyber bullying and what different aspects it

00:00:28.880 looks like. When I watched the movie that I think every parent in the world needs to

00:00:32.660 watch, it's called Disconnect. It's disturbing. Jason Bateman's in this movie. It's a story

00:00:37.160 about a husband and wife busy. They're doing their thing and, you know, their son is in

00:00:41.520 school. He really liked this girl. Two of the boys in school find out he really likes this

00:00:45.700 girl. They end up creating a fake Facebook profile. It's a 10-year-old movie so it's like

00:00:49.520 Facebook back then. The Facebook profile they create with the girl they like, they steal

00:00:53.520 the picture from her, put it on this account. They befriend everybody that he befriends.

00:00:57.420 Then they text him, DM him on Facebook and they say, hey, please don't tell anybody between

00:01:01.820 you and I. I really like you. I'm embarrassed. Don't tell anyone. And they start. He's like,

00:01:05.620 oh my God, the girl I like is messaging me. That's insane. And they go back and forth and

00:01:10.420 then eventually these two bullies say, hey, I really want to see you nude and I'll send 1.00

00:01:15.420 you my picture if you send me yours. These boys take a picture from whatever other girl 0.99

00:01:19.280 online. They send it to him. He's like, oh my God, I just got her private, you know, picture

00:01:23.400 that was sent to me. Let me send mine. He sends his. When he sends his, next day he

00:01:28.180 goes to school. Guess what he realizes? Everyone's laughing at him, pointing fingers at him. Can

00:01:32.620 you imagine how humiliating that is? This kid realizes these two bullies faked it. That

00:01:38.360 girl never had any interest in him. They did that to mock him, troll him, almost destroy 1.00

00:01:43.400 him. This kid goes home. It's the most disturbing scene of the movie. He goes home, goes to his

00:01:48.440 room, turns on heavy metal music, decides to hang himself. Music is so loud. Sister walks

00:01:53.560 in, saves him, doesn't die, turns into an escapade. The father's like, what happened? Trying to

00:01:58.540 go after the other kid's father. And it's such a big feud. Must watch movie. Disturbing.

00:02:03.400 But you have to know it because it's truth and it's happening. Why is it true that this

00:02:06.960 is happening? An 18 year old boy committed suicide because his 17 year old girlfriend was

00:02:12.180 texting him saying, kill yourself, goes back in the car. She gets two and a half years, ends

00:02:16.220 up only doing, I think, 11 months and 12 days. Then a story comes out last week from New

00:02:20.180 Jersey where these boys took 30 pictures of girls and they created deep fakes of them

00:02:26.040 in nudes. Humiliation. By the way, as a person running an insurance company and a consulting

00:02:31.120 firm and a company myself, I'm getting these stories now firsthand from parents that are

00:02:34.900 completely disturbed saying, Pat, what the hell do I do? It's happening. The only reason

00:02:39.360 these types of things are happening, it's because parents are uncomfortable talking about these

00:02:44.860 types of issues because you're already so busy. But as a parent, I know this is important

00:02:49.300 to you. We must do a better job talking about it. That's why I'm creating this video. And

00:02:53.800 we're going to break this down on what different types of cyberbullying is going on today so

00:02:58.060 we can make sure to the best of our abilities that our kids are protected.

00:03:02.500 Okay, so if you give value out of this video, give it a thumbs up and subscribe to the channel.

00:03:14.980 By the way, while we took this break, I had to call my son because I want to share a story

00:03:18.720 with you and a picture that I have on the cover of my iPad that I think will tell you a lot

00:03:23.540 about our kids needing today's content. But I'll tell you that at the end. Stick around.

00:03:28.260 So let's get right into it. These are the different types of bullying, cyberbullying

00:03:32.060 there is today. Number one, exclusion. This is when somebody intentionally leaves someone else out

00:03:37.340 of an online group or message threat. Believe it or not, kids, that bothers them, but it happens

00:03:41.900 today. Number two, harassment occurs when cyberbullying sends persistent and hurtful online messages to a

00:03:46.520 victim. These messages can contain threats. Hence, this girl we're talking about, Michelle Carter,

00:03:51.780 texting her boyfriend to commit suicide. That's insane. But guess what? The kid ended up killing 0.95

00:03:57.300 himself at 18 years old, even though his girlfriend was only 17 years old. That's harassment.

00:04:02.280 Cyberstalking. This is when a cyberbully monitors a victim's online presence closely. This bully can

00:04:07.000 also make false accusations and threats against the victim and their loved ones. Additionally,

00:04:11.740 cyberstalking can extend to the real world, becoming quite serious and dangerous for the victim

00:04:16.120 and potentially their loved ones. Doxing. This is when a cyberbully maliciously shares personal

00:04:21.900 data about an individual online that wouldn't normally be publicly known to harass or intimidate

00:04:26.740 a victim. This could include personal information such as someone's home address, school, where they

00:04:30.960 attend, social security, any of that stuff. This has happened to people I know regularly. This is

00:04:36.020 tough. Next, frapping. This is when a cyberbully uses a victim's social media accounts to post

00:04:41.240 inappropriate content with the victim's name attached to it. In this scenario, the victim is tied

00:04:45.560 to online content that can damage their reputation. Trolling. This is when cyberbullies troll a victim

00:04:51.320 by posting derogatory comments about them online in the hopes of hurting these individuals. Next,

00:04:56.600 flaming. This is when a bully starts posting things or insults and profanity to a victim hoping to get

00:05:02.580 a reaction back from the individual they're offending. Next, denigration. This is when a cyberbully denigrates

00:05:08.080 a victim by sending, posting, or publishing false information online about the individual. Denigration

00:05:12.220 usually consists of cruel rumors and gossip about a victim. Next, impersonation. Cyberbully can

00:05:17.680 impersonate a victim by posting comments on social media and chat rooms in the individual's name. Doing

00:05:22.220 so can cause a victim to experience backlash from others based on the bully's online comments.

00:05:28.140 Trickery. This is when a bully can befriend a victim to the point where the targeted individual feels

00:05:33.060 comfortable sharing secrets and other sensitive information including pictures. The bully then

00:05:37.420 publicly releases the information the victim shares to humiliate, shame, or otherwise harm them. Next,

00:05:43.020 fake profiles. Cyberbullies can set up fake online profiles on behalf of victims. They can use

00:05:47.380 these profiles to publish false content in the victim's names without the victim's consent. And

00:05:51.540 last but not least, this next one is about the movie I talked about, Disconnect. It's called

00:05:54.840 Catfishing. It's when a cyberbully exploits a victim's emotion. A cyberbully attempting to catfish

00:05:59.580 a victim creates a fake online identity and pretends to be someone else. The bully can then engage with

00:06:04.100 a victim using this false identity and build an online romance. Over time, the victim may trust the

00:06:09.140 online user and share sensitive information with the individual. Then the cyberbully can share this

00:06:13.340 information to embarrass the victim and damage their reputation or expose them. So now,

00:06:16.860 if you're watching this, you're like, no, no, didn't happen to me. Didn't happen to me. Okay.

00:06:20.940 Some of these things, there's nothing you can do about it. When you start creating content,

00:06:25.200 you get trolled. You can't help it. There's fake profiles. There's people that create fake profiles

00:06:28.960 to get money out of crypto. About three years ago, a guy created a fake website of me doing Bitcoin

00:06:36.200 calls and I called him and I acted like I'm interested. And I recorded a whole thing and I put it online

00:06:41.980 until eventually he had to cancel. And I asked him, I said, so let me ask you a question. How much is

00:06:46.520 Mr. Bed David involved in Bitcoin? Oh, I can't disclose my client's information, but very. How

00:06:50.980 big is his portfolio position? And he's talking to me and he's asking for money from me, realizing

00:06:55.840 he's full of shit. But these types of things happen. Some of the things as parents, all we can 1.00

00:07:00.560 do is tell them, yeah, this could happen to you, but it's okay. Some of the things we have to tell

00:07:05.200 them what not to fall for. That's a trap. That's a bigger trap. Some is unavoidable. Some is avoidable

00:07:10.880 that we need to have that conversation with our kids. So now dangers of online bullying. Number one,

00:07:14.620 online bullying can lead to emotional distress and mental health problems. Online bullying can

00:07:18.420 damage relationships. It can lead to physical harm and online bullying can damage a child's

00:07:23.220 reputation, especially when they're younger. It's very, very important. They're trying to make

00:07:27.460 friends to kind of figure out their own identity. We got to protect that as parents. So Gab, which

00:07:32.220 is a phone company, identified five specific problems that contribute to online bullying. And

00:07:37.500 here's what they said on their website. Problem number one is screen time. Excessive screen time

00:07:41.400 can cause setbacks in children's health and their social and emotional development. This

00:07:44.860 can hinder their ability to engage in typical everyday activities that enable them to learn

00:07:49.920 about the world and themselves. Problem number two, social media. Social media is the most common

00:07:53.800 place where kids are exposed to mature content, bad language, extreme ideas, and damaging interactions.

00:07:59.160 Kids can even fall for perpetrators, cyberbullies, and sex crimes. Problem number three, explicit

00:08:04.080 content. I don't need to explain to you what that means. It's explicit content. Porn, pictures,

00:08:08.380 all these other things. Number four is actual cyberbullying. One in three kid is a victim of

00:08:14.400 cyberbullying. 50% of teens witness cyberbullying regularly. 50% of teens. Problem number five,

00:08:21.560 sex crimes. Watch the statistics. One in five youth received a sexual solicitation online. One in five.

00:08:28.580 20%? That's not a small number, guys. That means if you have five kids, one of them got a message.

00:08:34.520 That's a lot of kids getting messages, right? 82% of online sex crimes start with social media. 82%.

00:08:42.140 Let me give you some more shocking stats about this online bullying that's taking place. So watch this.

00:08:46.040 95% of teens in the U.S. are online. 95% are online. Girls are more likely than boys to be both victims

00:08:54.720 and perpetrators of cyberbullying. Listen to what it says. Victim, it's being done to you, and

00:08:59.940 perpetrators doing it to somebody else. Girls more than boys statistics. 15% teen girls versus 6%

00:09:07.560 boys. It's important to talk to your girls about it because they do it more than boys do. Instagram

00:09:12.720 is the number one platform where this takes place. And last but not least, you know what's the most

00:09:17.300 disturbing stat here? Only one in 10 teen victims will inform a parent or trusted adult of their abuse.

00:09:25.160 1 in 10. Not 7 in 10. Not 5. Not 3. 1. Only 10% are willing to tell somebody about it, meaning they

00:09:32.380 keep it to themselves. Let's continue. We got to take a little bit of a deeper dive with stats. Take

00:09:36.180 a look at this. Annual number of incoming complaints about internet crimes on the internet have increased

00:09:40.600 from 2000 to 22. Watch these numbers here. It's in the thousand. Look at 2000. Not a lot. 2010 skyrockets.

00:09:46.780 Then if you look at 2020, 2021, 2022, look how it skyrockets. Why? People have more time on their

00:09:52.080 hands and guess what happens? More opportunities to bully others. Look at the next one here. Percentage

00:09:57.180 of internet users in selected countries who have experienced cybercrime in 2022. Number one is

00:10:02.540 India. 69%, 68%. Look who number two is. U.S. Then Australia. The global average is 39. We're at 49.

00:10:10.600 Then you got New Zealand, France, UK, Germany, Japan. This next one to me is the most interesting one.

00:10:15.080 Share of children owning a smartphone in the U.S. in 2015, 2019, and 2021. By age, if you look at the

00:10:22.840 bottom, the blue is 2015, the black is 2019, and the gray is 2021. Look at the percentage. Eight years

00:10:30.100 old. It's from 11%, 19% to today, it's 31%. We went from 11% in 2015 to 31% in 2021. I don't even know

00:10:41.740 what the number is in 2023. What do you think it is? More than 31%. Let's go to 11 years old. In

00:10:46.840 2015, the average 11-year-old, maybe 30% of them had a phone. Then it went to 32% in 2019. Look at

00:10:53.380 2021. 53%, by the way, if some parents are like, well, what's wrong with them having a phone? It's

00:10:57.860 not a phone. It's a smartphone. That's the problem with internet. If you have a phone that you can just

00:11:03.080 communicate with them and that's it. There's no social. There's no Instagram. There's nothing else.

00:11:06.840 It's a different story. Continue. Let's go to 14 years old. It went from 59% to 81%.

00:11:11.720 81% to 91%. If you chose to watch this video with your kids or your teenagers, kids, teens,

00:11:18.260 you're probably not going to like me right now because your mommy and daddy are making you watch

00:11:21.300 this. I'm just telling you straight up right now. Here's an article from CNBC what it says. You're

00:11:24.640 not going to like it, but brace for impact. Okay. Want to raise happy, successful kids? Wait as long

00:11:30.000 as possible to give them a phone, says a Yale expert. Halting smartphone use for children and young

00:11:36.080 people until during the eighth grade comes with benefits according to advocacy group. Wait until

00:11:40.720 eight, including less risk of anxiety and depression, increased quantity and quality of sleep,

00:11:46.320 more time for physical activity and outdoors. And by the way, you know what status is on the bottom?

00:11:50.720 How many notifications teenagers get on their phones? 200 notifications a day. These are brains

00:11:56.900 that are forming and trying to pay attention in school while their phones are going up. Ding,

00:12:01.460 ding, ding. So you can hate me all you want if you're watching this. If your mommy and daddy tell you

00:12:05.960 can't have a smartphone till eight years old, I fully support that message for you not to get

00:12:10.380 that phone. You got plenty of other things to do on later on. You can have a smartphone,

00:12:13.440 do whatever you want to do when you're 18 years old or above. Maybe you get a phone that your parents

00:12:16.840 can't get ahold of you, but not a smartphone. You'll thank your mom and dad later. It's the whole

00:12:20.460 concept of hate me now. Love me later. That's what ended up happening long-term. But parents,

00:12:25.360 this is deeply concerning. I got one more thought. I thought I was almost done with this. Parents,

00:12:29.840 one more thing for you to be thinking about this. Kids are going to come home and they're going to say,

00:12:32.860 but Johnny's got a cell phone, but Larry's parents bought him a cell phone. And Jackie said,

00:12:38.440 how come your mommy and daddy make more money? Don't buy you a smartphone. Your parents are cheap. 0.97

00:12:43.500 Who gives a shit? I don't care. You can call me whatever you want. You're not raising my kids. 1.00

00:12:47.840 I'm raising my kids. And it's my job as a leader to raise my kids, to give them an opportunity to

00:12:53.900 be different than everyone else in the marketplace. Let everybody else do whatever they're doing.

00:12:58.800 You don't. You lead your kids and be okay with that. I will show you this next data.

00:13:02.780 I don't know if it reveals anything, but it's a data worth knowing about. U.S. states with the

00:13:06.880 lowest rate of electronic bullying among students in the grades 9 through 12 as of 2019. Lowest is

00:13:13.080 Georgia. Then it's Florida, Nevada, Colorado, Texas, Rhode Island, Hawaii, New Mexico, Ohio,

00:13:16.980 Arizona. One of the things we got to do as parents is to keep our kids busy. It's worth knowing about

00:13:20.920 this. And the ones with the highest is New Hampshire, Alaska, Iowa, West Virginia, Michigan,

00:13:25.120 Missouri, Kentucky, Maine, Montana, Arkansas. Our job is to keep them as busy as possible. So a lot of

00:13:30.420 stats said, but now you may be asking, Pat, what do I do about it? I'm a parent. I want to make some

00:13:33.180 progress. How do I know? Is there any signs? Yes. Recognize the signs that your teen may be bullied.

00:13:38.400 Not bullying. We'll do that in a minute as well. But that's being bullied. Number one, withdraw from

00:13:42.420 family events and other social gatherings. They don't want to have dinner. They're going to their

00:13:45.640 room. Christmas. They don't want to be around other people. They're constantly avoiding birthday

00:13:48.640 parties. No, I'm good. That's a bad sign that maybe something's going on. You got to talk to them.

00:13:51.920 Number two, sudden decline in performance at school. Number three, refusal to go to school

00:13:56.060 or uneasiness about attending. Why not? What happened? Is there a reason? Reporting feeling

00:14:00.840 ill to avoid going to school and it's a constant repetitive behavior. New avoidance of going online.

00:14:06.860 Now, signs your kid is bullying, not being bullied. Avoids conversation about their online activities or

00:14:12.720 social media use. Has multiple social media accounts. Switches screens on their computer suddenly when a

00:14:17.240 parent or teacher is nearby. Frequently uses their digital devices. Becomes overly upset or irritated if

00:14:23.220 their digital device is unavailable. And last but not least, before I tell you the story with my son,

00:14:27.560 specific tips for parents. Number one, delay giving them a smartphone as long as possible and be okay

00:14:33.000 with, I'm not everybody. Yeah, I'll get you maybe a phone. You know, some of the brands are out there.

00:14:37.100 You can Google it and find out. I'm not giving you a smartphone anytime soon. Two, set clear rules and

00:14:41.100 expectations for your children's internet. Use three, use parental controls on your computer and internet

00:14:45.940 router to block inappropriate websites and to monitor your children's online activity. Talk to your kids

00:14:50.880 about the dangers of online bullying and what they should do if they're bullied. And last but not

00:14:54.500 least, teach your children how to report cyberbullions. Hey, T, question for you. I'm doing a video.

00:14:59.360 I'm about to shoot a video right now about cyberbullying and the stuff that happens in school.

00:15:05.400 I wanted to share this picture and this story of what happened that day. Are you okay if I tell the story?

00:15:13.980 Yes, I'm okay. You're okay with that?

00:15:15.960 Yeah. I'm okay with that. You know what? I'm going to talk about how I'm weird and how you and I have

00:15:21.560 that in common, but we're both comfortable now with the fact that we're a little bit different

00:15:24.500 than everybody else. I'm fine. Okay. All right. Thanks, buddy. All right. Okay. Bye. So final

00:15:31.560 thoughts before we wrap up. Last week, I'm having a conversation with one of my sons and I said,

00:15:35.820 hey, so do you ever miss Texas? Because I was in Dallas. I was, you know, in Texas. Yeah,

00:15:39.180 I do miss Texas. I said, why? He says, because some of the most important things in my life

00:15:43.160 happen in Texas or such as what? He says, do you remember that one day when I had a hard time

00:15:48.480 understanding why some kids say you're different, you're weird, you're this, you're that? I said,

00:15:53.080 yeah, what about it? He says, remember when you asked mommy to bring me to the house for you and

00:15:57.480 I have a conversation together? I said, yeah. By the way, until today, if you look at my iPad,

00:16:01.620 that picture is on my iPad as, you know, one of the main pictures here, because this is he and I

00:16:07.500 talking to each other. This is the day. And Jennifer took the picture. I didn't even know she took the

00:16:11.100 picture until later on she showed it to me. Here's what I told him. I said, hey, just so you

00:16:14.300 know, my entire life, people thought I was weird in school because I was a dreamer like you. I

00:16:18.840 thought about what if one day we can do X, Y, Z? What if one day we can build this? What if one day

00:16:23.400 we can go here? I said, we're wired the same exact way. I said, unfortunately, when you're a kid,

00:16:27.880 if nobody has this conversation with you, you think it's a problem. It takes normally 30 years to

00:16:32.820 realize it's a big power and gift that God's given you. And if somebody doesn't talk to you about it as a

00:16:38.340 man, guess what? You're going to think you're weird and different, which is an actual gift.

00:16:42.140 But you won't find that out till you're 20, 25, 30 years old. And we had this moment together. It's

00:16:45.760 like, man, I never thought about it that way before. A few months ago, we're in Bermuda. I took one of my

00:16:49.860 kids out because he was dealing with something else. And we sat out there and we had a great

00:16:52.660 conversation together for 30 minutes. And we had a breakthrough. Here's a challenge. Sometimes

00:16:56.360 some people don't have a father figure in their lives. Like, man, I don't even have somebody

00:16:59.320 to talk to about this. Bring it up to a coach or somebody else, a man that you respect, or a mom.

00:17:03.760 Parents, your responsibility, our responsibility is to talk to them as much as possible about these

00:17:10.400 issues. Because many times, just like you and I were afraid to talk to our parents about it,

00:17:14.840 they are as well. We got to create a safe space that these types of conversations can be had

00:17:19.000 with no judgment, with nothing else being there. We're having conversations. Do I have your permission

00:17:23.540 to ask you this? The more we're able to use these few words and have these important conversations

00:17:29.040 with them will decrease the chances of somebody bullying them. And they'll be more aware when

00:17:33.620 it's happening to them. And that's why I think everybody watching this, if you're still watching

00:17:37.580 this at the end, make it a priority of yours to watch the movie Disconnect with your spouse.

00:17:43.000 Then if you're comfortable, watch it with your kids. If you got value out of this video, give it a

00:17:47.000 thumbs up and subscribe to the channel. And if you've not seen the video I did on the loneliness

00:17:50.740 epidemic, click here to watch the video. Take care, everybody. Bye-bye, bye-bye.

Valuetainment - December 11, 2023

How To Raise Smart Kids Who Are Aware of Cyberbullying

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