Valuetainment - How to Raise Successful Kids

00:00:00.000 Can you imagine taking a test and not getting the results for 40 years?

00:00:03.840 How tough is that?

00:00:04.620 I mean, in high school, in college, you go take a test,

00:00:07.260 the next day you find out if you failed or passed, right?

00:00:09.740 But parenting is the only test you take that you will not find out

00:00:12.760 whether you did good or not for 40 years.

00:00:16.320 Today, I was asked to share with you how I'm raising my kids.

00:00:20.340 Whether this stuff's going to work or not, I'm not going to know for 40 years,

00:00:23.140 but I'm going to share with you some of the methods

00:00:24.700 I'm deciding to raise my kids, hoping they're going to be successful.

00:00:30.000 All right, so let's get right into it.

00:00:35.060 Look, parenting is like public speaking.

00:00:37.100 A lot of people in the world of sales, they're very good at from stage.

00:00:40.440 Oh, I'm a very good public speaker, let's just say, right?

00:00:42.360 And then some are good in groups of 3 to 5 or 10,

00:00:45.760 like a smaller group talking to people, right?

00:00:48.460 But the best leaders I know, they're the best at one-on-one,

00:00:52.480 and parenting is all one-on-one, meaning you can sit there with your three kids

00:00:56.900 and give them a pep talk collectively together, right?

00:00:59.760 You can sit there and give them a spiel or preach something at them, right?

00:01:03.960 But there's nothing more powerful to me in parenting than one-on-one.

00:01:07.020 The best conversations I've ever had with my dad, nobody else was around.

00:01:10.040 It was just he and I.

00:01:10.940 The best conversation on Willem to Bed that you had with your mom or your dad

00:01:13.600 were probably just you and them.

00:01:15.640 When it comes down to raising kids, I read a book a long time ago saying,

00:01:19.160 thank God it's Monday, meaning I can't wait to get away from my family.

00:01:23.320 The author, who's a therapist, said one of the best ways to save your marriage

00:01:27.500 and parenting is to spend one-on-one time communicating with your individual kids

00:01:33.440 and your spouse.

00:01:36.000 I've taken the philosophy of talking to my kids one-on-one to see what's on their mind

00:01:40.740 and address whatever issue they have.

00:01:42.400 And if it's got to be something where you've got to discipline them,

00:01:44.840 if the level of discipline is higher where you've got to be really serious conversation with them,

00:01:48.740 pull them aside to have that conversation with them one-on-one.

00:01:50.560 They will appreciate it.

00:01:51.480 At least I did.

00:01:52.520 Balancing between competition and teamwork.

00:01:54.420 And let me explain to you what I mean by this.

00:01:55.680 A lot of people will say, parents will say,

00:01:57.140 it is not good to raise your kids competitive.

00:01:59.840 That's their philosophy.

00:02:01.040 It's not mine.

00:02:02.140 So I'll give you an example of what happened to us just last Sunday.

00:02:06.440 So every Sunday we bike with me and my kids.

00:02:08.900 And it's between 8 to 12 miles we'll bike, right?

00:02:11.320 Well, my 9-year-old and my 7-year-old will get on the bike and boom,

00:02:13.460 we'll go out there and we'll bike.

00:02:15.260 Typically I'll say, hey, dad, if I win this first patch,

00:02:19.260 I want to get slurpy when I come back.

00:02:21.980 I want to be able to play 30 minutes more video games.

00:02:23.980 I want to be able to do X, Y, Z.

00:02:25.360 So great, no problem.

00:02:26.720 So they'll compete against each other because it's friendly competition.

00:02:30.160 They're around the same age.

00:02:31.100 One of them is stronger, obviously, but it's still healthy competition.

00:02:34.780 But on the way back, I said, here's what we're going to be doing today.

00:02:36.980 He says, what's that?

00:02:37.880 I said, today I want to see both of you work together as a team

00:02:42.520 to see if both of you together can beat me by working as a team

00:02:46.520 and motivating each other.

00:02:48.240 See if you can beat me.

00:02:49.360 So I'm now on the bike pulling my daughter and she's in the back 0.98

00:02:51.560 and we're going and they're in front of me.

00:02:53.460 I'm not going to lie to you.

00:02:54.100 I showed up and I'm sweating so bad.

00:02:58.400 My dad's like, what happened to you?

00:03:00.160 I am drenched because they were willing to work collectively together

00:03:04.780 to have a common enemy, which was who?

00:03:07.140 Let's beat daddy. 0.78

00:03:08.200 And they did that day, by the way.

00:03:09.400 I'm proud of them.

00:03:09.940 If you see this one day, you were seven to nine years old when you beat daddy.

00:03:13.200 But there's a balance of both.

00:03:15.580 I don't mind.

00:03:16.100 Hey, let's see who's going to be able to do this a lot faster.

00:03:17.800 Okay, great.

00:03:18.180 Now let's see how you guys can do it together.

00:03:20.320 You know, so competition and teamwork.

00:03:23.000 If I have to choose between the two, which one a little bit more than the other,

00:03:26.020 I'm probably going to be 51% teamwork, 49% competition, but I'm driving both.

00:03:31.260 Next one is something I do in our family a lot, and that is debate.

00:03:34.020 I love debate.

00:03:34.720 What I mean by debate is any topic that comes up, Patrick's reading the book,

00:03:38.760 and I'll say, so do you think that was the right thing to do when they're doing this?

00:03:41.860 I don't know if it's the right thing to do.

00:03:43.000 Why do you think?

00:03:43.600 I think this.

00:03:44.160 I think that.

00:03:44.640 Why not?

00:03:45.360 What if they did this, but that?

00:03:46.400 Why would they do this?

00:03:47.200 Well, because they did this.

00:03:48.320 Is that a bad idea?

00:03:49.140 Who said it's a bad idea?

00:03:50.660 And we're constantly debating, and they'll be talking to each other.

00:03:54.040 What do you think about it?

00:03:54.940 What do you think about it?

00:03:56.140 I think we should do this.

00:03:57.440 Why do you think we should go to the movies?

00:03:58.800 I think we need to go to the movies because of this.

00:04:00.680 Why do you think we should?

00:04:01.640 I think we should play outside.

00:04:02.540 Why should we play outside?

00:04:03.380 Because if we play outside, we spend more time together in the movies.

00:04:05.700 It's quiet, and we're just sitting there together, and we're all quiet for like five seconds.

00:04:09.380 Okay, then let's go play outside, right?

00:04:11.080 But it's the muscle of debating because their brain is learning how to reason

00:04:14.800 by constantly challenging each other's mind,

00:04:17.500 and you'd be amazed at what age kids can debate.

00:04:20.840 It's very, very early, and I think it's something that strengthens their mind

00:04:25.260 to be able to help make better decisions as they age.

00:04:28.380 Next one is, you know, teaching them independence rather than doing everything for them.

00:04:32.220 Like a lot of times, you know, a grandma or grandfather or father or mother,

00:04:36.280 sometimes parents want to do everything for their kids.

00:04:38.000 Oh, publicito, I want to do everything for you.

00:04:40.820 It's okay.

00:04:41.320 I got this for you.

00:04:42.020 It's okay.

00:04:42.400 I got that for you.

00:04:43.100 It's okay.

00:04:43.540 It's okay.

00:04:44.540 No, it's allowing these kids to have to figure out their problems.

00:04:47.340 Like, let's just say they're going through something,

00:04:48.640 and one of my kids will come up to me,

00:04:50.160 and there's a bully situation going on.

00:04:52.360 I would say, so, Dylan, what do you think about what happened that day?

00:04:54.780 You were there.

00:04:55.620 I think you should have done this.

00:04:57.340 Okay, what do you think?

00:04:59.380 Yeah, but here's what was going on.

00:05:01.380 How do you think you guys could have solved that together?

00:05:03.540 We would have been able to do it this way.

00:05:05.160 Okay, can you guys do it, or do you need my help?

00:05:07.300 No, Daddy, let us do it first.

00:05:08.700 Let us do it first.

00:05:09.460 We got it, Daddy.

00:05:10.160 Let us do it first.

00:05:11.180 Let us do it first.

00:05:12.200 We got this, Daddy.

00:05:13.140 I got it.

00:05:13.700 I got it.

00:05:14.280 I got it.

00:05:14.880 I got it.

00:05:15.600 Let us do it first.

00:05:16.740 You're teaching an element of independence,

00:05:18.640 because long term, you and I got 18 years to teach these kids to be independent.

00:05:23.720 One day, leave you one day.

00:05:24.780 If you don't teach them independent, they're going to be having a very hard time in this

00:05:29.740 life, because this place is not the friendliest place today, especially today.

00:05:33.840 They have to learn how to be independent, be strong at the same time, and know how to make

00:05:37.420 the right decisions and avoid the wrong decisions.

00:05:39.920 God knows they're going to make some wrong decisions.

00:05:41.380 You got to give them a little bit of leeway, but the more you allow them to make the decisions,

00:05:45.520 eventually their decision-making machine will get better.

00:05:47.800 Use because I said so very rarely, meaning use that as something in your pocket to use

00:05:53.420 once in a while.

00:05:54.880 Because I said so every day.

00:05:56.220 The other day, I went to a church, and this one lady's next to me, and her son has not

00:06:01.540 listened to her.

00:06:02.540 He's like, you know what?

00:06:03.240 I'm just going to go give him a whooping, because he's going to listen to me.

00:06:06.260 And she just went and, bam, gave her a whooping. 1.00

00:06:07.740 The son cried, and all the time, because I said so.

00:06:10.500 Because I said so.

00:06:11.900 I've said because I said so, but I use that card very rarely, and I keep it here.

00:06:17.660 Because you can use it anytime as a parent.

00:06:19.220 It's your card.

00:06:19.900 You own it.

00:06:20.440 You can say because I said so, but there are alternatives to because I said so.

00:06:26.120 I was one time talking to a gentleman who talked about Reagan, and I don't know who

00:06:32.380 this person was that I interviewed.

00:06:33.460 It could have been Larry Arnn, but he explained Reagan as the great explainer.

00:06:37.740 He said the reason why American voters liked Reagan, because he explained things so well.

00:06:42.640 Sometimes as parents, we don't explain enough.

00:06:45.300 We don't say, here's what I want you to do.

00:06:47.500 Go do it.

00:06:48.580 No.

00:06:49.160 Here's what I want you to do.

00:06:50.760 Here's why.

00:06:51.800 If you don't add the why, you're a dictator.

00:06:55.020 You don't want to be a dictator all the time.

00:06:57.640 I understand sometimes as a family, as a parent, you have to put your foot down and make the

00:07:01.260 decision and call the shots and move with it.

00:07:03.680 But try to become a better explainer to your kids, where you're teaching them how to reason

00:07:09.360 by you reasoning with them.

00:07:12.140 Eventually, it'll create a better relationship with them.

00:07:15.660 Choose the right movies to watch with your kids.

00:07:17.340 I'm a big movie guy myself, and I love choosing the right movies to watch.

00:07:20.440 So we have this game that we take turns.

00:07:23.120 Every time he has a movie, then he has a movie, then she has a movie, then it's my turn.

00:07:27.260 Every time it comes to me to pick a movie, my movies have lessons behind them.

00:07:29.960 So they're like, oh my gosh, here we go.

00:07:31.420 They start off not liking the movie.

00:07:32.820 At the end, guess what?

00:07:33.660 They end up loving the movie.

00:07:34.460 Every single time I pick a movie, no, I don't want to watch Remember the Titans, please,

00:07:41.060 daddy.

00:07:41.900 Wow, daddy, I love this movie.

00:07:43.800 I don't want to watch Walk the Line, Johnny Cash.

00:07:47.140 Why is this a two and a half hour movie?

00:07:49.340 And then they say, wow, it makes sense.

00:07:51.240 So Johnny Cash, Walk the Line, phenomenal movie I watched with the kids a couple weeks

00:07:54.840 ago.

00:07:55.160 And there's a couple parts in that movie.

00:07:56.540 One is that the movie teaches you about drugs, teaches you about the wrong friends,

00:08:00.000 teaches you about a father that's abusive and alcoholic and the power of what alcohol

00:08:03.880 does to ruin families.

00:08:05.660 It teaches you so many different things where, you know, persistence, if you love somebody,

00:08:11.140 persistence, hey, June, marry me, June, marry me, June, marry me, June.

00:08:14.200 And patience and family working together and brother, you know, the brother left and the

00:08:19.740 other brother was left by himself.

00:08:21.400 And the accident that happens to Johnny Cash's brother felt, I can't believe that you guys

00:08:25.780 got to work together as a team, never leave your buddy alone.

00:08:28.260 There's so many messages to it.

00:08:30.300 Remember the Titans.

00:08:31.560 Daddy, what's the big deal if whites get on one bus and blacks? 0.99

00:08:34.720 I said, that's not a big deal.

00:08:35.600 We all have to work together.

00:08:36.640 We're brown.

00:08:37.260 We're Iran.

00:08:37.660 You're Middle Eastern and you're white. 1.00

00:08:38.980 What are you talking about?

00:08:39.900 We're not black.

00:08:40.760 We're not white. 0.92

00:08:41.340 We're brown.

00:08:42.080 We're confused.

00:08:43.260 You got a white mom who married a Middle Eastern dad.

00:08:46.540 So we're like a little bit of everything.

00:08:49.040 OK, so but why is it such a it's not a big deal.

00:08:52.160 Why?

00:08:52.540 Look how they work together.

00:08:53.600 Look what happened.

00:08:54.320 Look what happened when he got injured.

00:08:55.460 They still have to come back.

00:08:56.300 You still have to win.

00:08:57.160 You still have to figure out a way.

00:08:58.260 To do it for the right people.

00:08:59.660 Oh my, this is such a great guy.

00:09:00.960 I love this story.

00:09:02.100 So choose the right movies.

00:09:03.560 I have a list of movies that I go through with my kids.

00:09:05.540 It's a long list of movies that I'm going through with my kids.

00:09:08.320 I'm on like movie number 10 right now.

00:09:10.120 But each of them have a lesson.

00:09:11.980 Make a list of movies with the right lessons to teach them.

00:09:14.760 And start watching a movie and pause.

00:09:16.480 Here's what happened here.

00:09:17.200 What do you think about what happened here?

00:09:18.260 What are your thoughts about?

00:09:19.220 What do you think about what just happened right here?

00:09:20.620 Well, why did this happen?

00:09:21.840 Process it with them.

00:09:22.820 So yes, make a list of movies and watch it with them while processing it with them.

00:09:26.300 All your kids are going to be different.

00:09:27.680 I was different.

00:09:28.360 My sister is different.

00:09:29.140 My kids are different.

00:09:30.000 They're all different.

00:09:30.700 It's very weird how different they are.

00:09:32.400 And sometimes if you have three kids, you're typically going to have one that's going to

00:09:35.900 be very reasonable.

00:09:37.000 Meaning one kid that you have very easy time doing business with.

00:09:40.040 Everything is so easy with this kid.

00:09:41.580 Just teachers love him.

00:09:42.720 School loves him.

00:09:43.320 Friends love him.

00:09:43.940 Everybody loves him.

00:09:44.920 It's just a breath of pressure to deal with this kid.

00:09:47.800 You're going to have another kid that's going to be able to get away with stuff.

00:09:50.140 Like, oh, this person, they know how to kind of get away with things.

00:09:52.400 Oh, look at this.

00:09:52.820 The way she does this or he does this.

00:09:54.520 Look at this.

00:09:54.940 They're very good.

00:09:55.560 And you're kind of like, I know what you're doing, but they get away with it anyway because

00:09:58.420 they're charming.

00:09:58.920 Like you have that one seducer, right? 0.95

00:10:01.020 And then you're going to have a kid that's going to be very difficult, right?

00:10:05.220 One of the worst things you will ever do with kids is compare them constantly.

00:10:09.140 Why can't you be like this person?

00:10:10.340 I hate it here.

00:10:11.420 Why can't you be like that friend?

00:10:12.920 Why can't you be like this?

00:10:13.720 I'm like, dude, I am not like everybody.

00:10:15.480 I'm very different than everybody.

00:10:17.200 So the first time one of my kids had experienced that in school and he came back and said,

00:10:20.300 they call me weird.

00:10:21.220 They call me different.

00:10:21.980 They call me this.

00:10:23.860 I said, my entire life, your dad's been called weird.

00:10:27.120 So, and we had a conversation together.

00:10:29.340 So, you know, try to do your best.

00:10:32.100 Like in the game of business, leading salespeople, leading people, period.

00:10:36.660 You're always going to have someone that's going to be your best producer that's easy

00:10:39.640 to work with, but you're also going to have some people that are not.

00:10:42.340 You got to figure out a way to lead people regardless of their personalities and do your

00:10:47.620 best to adjust to lead that kid, not the same way that you lead this kid and that kid, because

00:10:53.340 they're all going to have different personalities and different motivators.

00:10:57.240 Create a currency in your house.

00:10:58.380 And what I mean by currency in your house is what is valuable for them to get in return

00:11:02.540 from you what they want.

00:11:03.560 So some homes it's, you got to clean the house.

00:11:05.900 You got to clean this.

00:11:06.660 You got to clean that.

00:11:07.400 You got to clean this.

00:11:08.580 You're essentially teaching your kids to be cleaners, right?

00:11:10.920 Which is fine, but you're teaching them to do that.

00:11:14.180 I want to incentivize, like to me, chores are things you're supposed to do, right?

00:11:19.640 You don't get currency on chores.

00:11:22.240 There is no currency on collect your leg or clean it up.

00:11:24.680 Can I get $5 for cleaning this?

00:11:26.540 No, that's what you're supposed to do.

00:11:28.140 I don't want them to think you get paid $5 for cleaning the floor because later on

00:11:31.720 they're adults cleaning the floor because when they were seven years old, daddy paid

00:11:34.640 them money.

00:11:35.020 I'm not doing that.

00:11:35.720 We're not doing that.

00:11:36.420 That's a chore.

00:11:37.000 Let's go clean it up, right?

00:11:39.180 You go read a book, okay?

00:11:41.040 You finish a book.

00:11:41.820 How many pages have you read?

00:11:42.700 20.

00:11:43.520 Perfect.

00:11:44.180 20 points.

00:11:45.020 That's your currency.

00:11:46.080 If you want to get a video game, it's 400 points.

00:11:48.980 Great.

00:11:49.280 That's 400 pages.

00:11:50.200 Oh, let me go read 400 pages.

00:11:51.780 It's a method of currency.

00:11:54.060 Exercise.

00:11:54.940 Currency.

00:11:55.840 Reading the book.

00:11:56.820 Currency.

00:11:57.820 Whatever it is, whatever currency you decide as a family, husband and wife, or you're by

00:12:01.440 yourself, whatever currency you decide, your kids are going to like it more if they

00:12:05.960 have a set of clear expectation of what to do to get XYZ.

00:12:09.680 One kid's going to want to go to Disneyland for a day.

00:12:12.320 Phenomenal.

00:12:12.940 Create the currency.

00:12:14.140 He's got to read 20 books, 80 books, 40 books.

00:12:16.300 I don't care what it is, but they have to do something.

00:12:19.020 Once that set of clarity is there, you'd be amazed how much more your kids will perform

00:12:23.260 because it's very predictable currency that's being used in your house.

00:12:26.840 Instead of one day it's this, one day it's this, one day it's this, one day it's this.

00:12:29.320 And eventually they're like, ah, mom, I'm done.

00:12:31.640 I don't care.

00:12:32.220 Do whatever you want to do.

00:12:33.220 They won't take you seriously.

00:12:34.400 Create a very consistent currency for everybody.

00:12:36.560 Ask your kids for their opinions.

00:12:38.740 I ask it from a very early age.

00:12:40.700 It doesn't matter what it is.

00:12:42.020 So how was the food?

00:12:42.920 What did you think about the food?

00:12:43.900 I thought it was okay.

00:12:45.180 What did you think about the service here?

00:12:46.500 I thought it was good.

00:12:47.520 What do you think about basketball versus football?

00:12:49.640 I don't know.

00:12:50.060 I think about this.

00:12:51.260 You know, mommy is, you know, going through cooking something.

00:12:55.120 What should I cook?

00:12:55.880 What do you think we should cook?

00:12:56.780 What do you think mommy should put together for us? 0.94

00:12:58.740 Let's go eat at a restaurant.

00:13:00.020 What do you guys want to go eat?

00:13:01.020 How about we go here?

00:13:01.720 Huh?

00:13:01.920 Okay.

00:13:02.360 What do you think?

00:13:03.000 What do you think?

00:13:03.500 What do you think?

00:13:04.000 What do you think?

00:13:04.400 What do you think is constant that imagine if your brain is a muscle, like, what do you

00:13:10.100 think?

00:13:10.620 What do you think?

00:13:11.380 You're developing this muscle to think.

00:13:13.400 What do you think?

00:13:14.520 Right?

00:13:15.340 I probably, if you were to ask the people that work around me nonstop, my board, my

00:13:18.880 employees, my executives, my directors, my staff, my family, my wife, my friends,

00:13:23.060 everybody, they would tell you, Pat asks us, what do you think?

00:13:26.080 All the damn time.

00:13:26.980 I'm always asking, what do you think?

00:13:28.340 What are your thoughts?

00:13:29.240 Because I want to hear what you're thinking and we process it together.

00:13:31.880 And it's a method of building leaders of the people that are around you.

00:13:35.100 So this next one, I almost have to explain it to you.

00:13:36.580 And here's what I mean by it.

00:13:37.360 So as a parent, say we got a barometer here, right?

00:13:41.860 On this side, you're a bad parent.

00:13:44.000 On this side, you're a great parent.

00:13:45.660 Both of them have a problem.

00:13:47.020 There's consequences for both of them, right?

00:13:49.020 If you're a bad parent, your kids are going to be what?

00:13:52.420 Either they're going to say, I never want to be like mommy when I grow up.

00:13:55.120 I never want to be like daddy when I grow up.

00:13:57.140 Or they're going to be just like you.

00:13:58.500 You're just like you, right?

00:13:59.420 That's why they say generational curses like, hey, what can you do to stop gender? 0.76

00:14:03.340 If you're somebody that's always drinking every night, your kids see you drinking every single

00:14:06.620 night, you're fighting with your wife, you're fighting. 0.51

00:14:09.220 That's a bad example if they have to see it every single day, right?

00:14:12.120 You're away, constantly leaving, constantly fights, constantly bickering, not taking care

00:14:16.180 of yourself, lazy, no money, mom and dad, always fighting.

00:14:19.060 There's always issues because one's not working hard.

00:14:21.460 You know who you are if it's great or bad, right?

00:14:23.300 You may say I'm a good example.

00:14:24.700 You may say you're a great example.

00:14:25.720 Great example is you're winning at the highest level where your problem is you're creating

00:14:30.100 a shadow.

00:14:31.040 So here's, here you got different issues.

00:14:33.560 Let me tell you the issues here.

00:14:34.860 If you're somebody that is a great example, you're winning at the highest level in career

00:14:39.440 and life.

00:14:40.480 Well, you have two issues.

00:14:43.100 One of them is you have unnecessary shadows that you're creating, unnecessary expectation

00:14:49.300 that you're creating, right?

00:14:50.940 The other one is what?

00:14:52.500 When you do so much and you win, a lot of times parents who worked so hard to win at

00:14:58.120 the highest level, they're afraid to have their kids pay the same price.

00:15:01.720 So they raise soft kids.

00:15:03.320 So weird.

00:15:04.280 Sometimes parents who work very hard to win at the highest level, they end up raising

00:15:07.320 soft kids because they make the kid's life so much easier and they take that opportunity

00:15:11.020 away of the kid also fighting for it.

00:15:13.220 So take this barometer.

00:15:14.660 If you're a bad parent and you didn't necessarily set the best example, let's just say, and

00:15:20.940 you're like, I didn't do that well.

00:15:22.540 You're trying to do your best, but it wasn't the best example.

00:15:24.880 You got to inject belief constantly.

00:15:27.580 You got to let them know you can be better than daddy.

00:15:30.520 You can do great things.

00:15:31.840 You can go out there and do good.

00:15:32.920 Why don't you be the leader?

00:15:33.880 Why don't you, you can do that.

00:15:34.800 And then you have to work on your example because at any point you can go from bad to

00:15:38.540 okay, to good, to great, you need to maybe work on being a better example as a parent.

00:15:42.800 As parents, you know, we're flawed human beings.

00:15:45.000 We have a lot of issues.

00:15:45.800 We have a lot of vices.

00:15:46.980 We have our own set of challenges.

00:15:48.180 Some is alcohol.

00:15:48.820 Some it's gambling.

00:15:49.820 Some it's bad money issues.

00:15:50.740 Some it's health.

00:15:51.340 Some it's argument.

00:15:52.160 Some it's words.

00:15:53.340 Some it's, you know, we have so many issues ourselves because we are also trying to figure

00:15:58.220 ourselves out in this life without a manual, right?

00:16:00.440 We're trying to figure out this life manual that we have.

00:16:03.400 So you have to work on going over here and you got to inject a lot of belief.

00:16:07.060 If you're somebody that's winning at the highest level, don't compare your kids to you.

00:16:11.500 Don't create unnecessary expectation for them that they don't necessarily need.

00:16:16.540 And don't let others do it.

00:16:18.320 Like, let's just say if a friend of yours comes and says, well, you're going to be the

00:16:22.840 good, you know, you got a great daddy. 0.93

00:16:24.640 Let's see if he can do what he did.

00:16:26.080 No, no.

00:16:26.400 Stop him right.

00:16:26.960 I'm sorry.

00:16:27.660 He's not his daddy.

00:16:28.460 He's his own man.

00:16:29.500 He's his own kid.

00:16:30.660 You know, we're going to see what he's going to be doing.

00:16:32.120 What I like about him is he likes this right in front of there.

00:16:34.640 You got to nip it in the butt because or else other people think they can say that kind

00:16:38.160 of stuff to your kid and it creates a division between you and your kid.

00:16:41.260 So for me, my suggestion for you would be self-deprecation.

00:16:45.120 Spend a lot of time deprecating yourself.

00:16:47.260 Let me tell you about the mistakes daddy made.

00:16:49.100 Let me tell you about the mistakes mommy made. 1.00

00:16:50.780 Don't spend too much time talking about the things you did right.

00:16:53.140 If you talk 20% of the time about things you did right, 80% of the time talk about the

00:16:58.960 things you did wrong, not right, because that brings the pressure a little bit lower for

00:17:04.040 them to perform better.

00:17:05.420 Just like in golf, you don't scare the hell out of somebody right before they hit a shot.

00:17:09.280 You got to figure out a way to teach them how to come here so they hit the ball better,

00:17:12.600 right?

00:17:12.900 You're trying to get your kids to come here so they make better decisions.

00:17:15.740 But if it's constant shadow, you know, unfair expectations of trying to be like you, these

00:17:22.620 kids are going to eventually resent you and there'll be a 5, 10, 15 year period of them

00:17:26.980 wanting to be away from you because it's constantly being compared to mommy or daddy and it's flat

00:17:31.940 out unfair to do so.

00:17:34.280 So if you got a lot of value from today's video, I got two other videos I want you to

00:17:36.980 be thinking about.

00:17:37.480 One of the videos is 15 types of parents.

00:17:39.560 To find out which one you are and which one you were raised about, if you've not watched

00:17:42.500 this, click over here.

00:17:43.140 And the other one is 15 things to know before you date an entrepreneur.

00:17:48.000 Meaning if you're an entrepreneur, you're about to date somebody, maybe they ought to

00:17:50.940 watch this video.

00:17:51.700 And if you're somebody that's about to date an entrepreneur, it's probably a good idea

00:17:55.440 you know how they're wired because they're not like everybody else.

00:17:59.060 Having said that, if you enjoyed today's episode, click that subscribe button.

00:18:01.880 Take care, everybody.

00:18:02.580 Bye-bye.

Valuetainment - May 04, 2021

How to Raise Successful Kids

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