Valuetainment - “I Was Four Years Old” - Terrence Howard REVEALS The Sexual Abuse That Changed His Life

00:00:00.000 getting ready for a game means being ready for anything like packing a spare stick i like to

00:00:09.580 be prepared that's why i remember 988 canada's suicide crisis helpline it's good to know just

00:00:15.760 in case anyone can call or text for free confidential support from a trained responder

00:00:20.540 anytime 988 suicide crisis helpline is funded by the government in canada

00:00:25.500 we're watching game of throne and i swear to god if i see the actor joffrey anywhere i'm gonna be

00:00:32.620 like this guy like you you literally watch it you're like what a piece of you know you watch

00:00:38.780 the mom you know you watch some movies yeah the game of thrones messed me up you know and i think

00:00:44.300 it messed up a lot of the world because it got everybody into incest porn you know because people

00:00:49.620 started watching it and how many people turned off the tv when jamie and cersei's hooked up

00:00:56.940 or how many people got quiet and watched it that was the incest that was pushed inside of

00:01:05.420 game of thrones and the house of dragons you know it's almost being normalized in a sense it's

00:01:12.780 but i bet you incest porn went up from what from game of thrones game of thrones you know you it's

00:01:21.860 presented for seven eight years in front of you now it's normal i got a manek the other day and

00:01:28.760 he sends me a manek first and then i'm like hey you know he says hey you gotta talk about

00:01:35.980 porn on grok i say yeah we'll talk about it he says no i don't think you understand this is

00:01:41.060 serious. You have to talk about the challenges of porn on Grok. I said, we will. And he keeps

00:01:47.660 Manectin back. And this is like six or seven minutes later. And then he finally says, listen,

00:01:52.280 let me tell you why you have to talk about it. I'm addicted to it. I don't know how to let it go.

00:01:57.540 I said, what do you mean? He says, Grok porn allows you to pick and choose whatever fantasy

00:02:04.180 you want. And it says it, you can ask for a 19 year old girl doing this to this person in this

00:02:11.460 position and that position and this. And I, I think it's horrible. I'm addicted. I can't let

00:02:16.480 go of it. I don't know what to do. You know, and he's sending me a message like this, right?

00:02:21.040 So, you know, you've, I was in the military. We had a guy in the corner. He was a sergeant. You'd

00:02:26.540 go to his office. He was the most famous sergeant at our unit. Do you want to know why? He had 2000

00:02:31.160 and cassettes of any porn you want it so friday night saturday night i'm coming back from the gym

00:02:38.360 all i'm hearing is uh you're hearing the sound in the corner and he's blasting it so all these 18

00:02:43.720 year olds are coming to his room to watch it and he's 32 years old e5 let me tell you what i've

00:02:48.700 collected over the years he was a legend right and it's to himself i have the best stuff back

00:02:53.200 nowadays right he's right there and then think what ai is going to do on whatever crazy situation

00:03:00.680 What impact does that have when a boy watches it or a man watches it?

00:03:04.640 When I was a kid, in order to see porn, you can get the magazines or you'll be at a wealthy friend's house and they had some videos.

00:03:13.580 But it was a rare opportunity to see it.

00:03:17.260 The proliferation of it today, you know, I don't know how you avoid it.

00:03:23.540 Like for me, I still have to be careful.

00:03:25.960 I try and make sure that my phone, my computer, and all of that is inside of the casita

00:03:31.500 and not near my bed if I'm away from my family, you know,

00:03:35.740 because you still have the desire to go back and to watch it.

00:03:39.220 And I was, wow, who was I talking to?

00:03:43.220 What is his name, honey?

00:03:46.440 God, and I love him.

00:03:50.140 I'm having a senior moment.

00:03:53.000 He played Hopf.

00:03:54.320 He was the voice in Hop.

00:03:58.540 Yes, the voice in Hop.

00:04:04.600 Not him, but the actual voice.

00:04:06.640 Russell Brand?

00:04:07.260 Russell Brand.

00:04:08.020 I was talking to Russell Brand, and I remember saying to him,

00:04:11.500 you know, yeah, I still watch porn periodically.

00:04:14.260 He's saying that?

00:04:14.620 I said that to him, and he was like, what?

00:04:18.500 He was like, you really should research that.

00:04:20.440 You really need to research what's taking place with that.

00:04:25.440 And when I did the research and considered, would I want my child in that position?

00:04:35.800 When I put it back to that, when I put it back to it, then you're like, you take a moment, you know, if you can catch yourself.

00:04:46.000 But if once you start going, once you've gotten on that train, you know, it's over.

00:04:50.600 Once you've turned it on, turned on a computer, it's over.

00:04:53.520 So for a man, it's a lot of self-control.

00:04:56.020 So I have to make sure none of this stuff is around.

00:04:58.980 And mind you, I didn't masturbate until I was 25 years old, only because my father was so staunch about manhood, you know.

00:05:09.120 And I'm like sitting there thinking this is a man's hand touching my penis.

00:05:13.520 that that's homosexual i'm getting off if i'm getting off rubbing your dad told you if you

00:05:21.700 masturbate it's a man's hand touching yeah that's a and so for me i didn't masturbate for the first

00:05:28.120 time until i was 25 years old and i i wish that i had maintained that like for a second you went

00:05:37.360 back to the first time you went there yeah i was in czech republic i was in prada remember it yeah

00:05:42.040 I was inside the hotel, and I had watched porn before,

00:05:46.480 but I just would watch it,

00:05:47.820 and this was the first time that I actually went there.

00:05:50.200 And then I had them remove the television out of the room of the hotel.

00:05:54.520 I was shooting Hearts War because I couldn't stop.

00:05:58.840 I couldn't stop.

00:05:59.760 I kept watching it, and I was like, oh, wow.

00:06:02.640 So pushing the easy button, pushing the easy button.

00:06:06.020 Czech Republic.

00:06:07.320 Shout out to Czech.

00:06:09.400 You get caught into it.

00:06:11.520 So even at 57 years old, I have to be careful and to check myself.

00:06:18.280 So that rule number five, respect yourself.

00:06:22.740 Respect yourself.

00:06:24.400 You know, and I sit there and think about, you know, would Maximus, you know, be sitting off in a cell doing that, you know, from Gladiator?

00:06:34.500 I'm like, because I loved who he was, and I put that into my head.

00:06:38.740 I try to.

00:06:39.640 Is that really what you would do?

00:06:40.760 Yeah, I'd sit there and think about...

00:06:43.600 Would Maximus masturbate in jail?

00:06:46.280 Would Maximus, would the people that I look up to,

00:06:50.160 you know, Socrates, with Socrates involved in that.

00:06:53.500 And if there are, you know, I know that I don't necessarily believe

00:06:58.340 about angels and things of that nature,

00:07:00.740 but I know that there's other dimensional beings

00:07:03.600 because there's other temporal dimensions, you know.

00:07:08.440 things are moving at a different rate a different pace and based upon the individual that came and

00:07:14.620 shared all that knowledge with me about the science I'm like okay are they looking at me

00:07:20.280 like I look at my dog when he's licking himself you know is that who I am and if I could would I

00:07:28.900 would I do what my dog is doing you know so I compare it like that and it helps to pull me back

00:07:34.540 How promiscuous were you at your peak?

00:07:37.940 Oh, at my peak, I was dating about four or five girls, you know, that I would go and hang out with, you know.

00:07:46.000 Was it interchanging or same?

00:07:48.900 It was, I would meet new girls, meet new girls all the time.

00:07:52.600 I asked a question because did you ever go on a run where for like a five-year period, 10-year period, it was just.

00:07:58.240 I was exploring, I explored my dark side.

00:08:00.680 I explored my dark side.

00:08:01.700 I did the Carl June thing.

00:08:03.040 i explored and embraced my shadow you know and then you realize you have to get to your lowest

00:08:09.700 point and that lowest point was sitting there watching porn you know and starting to use my

00:08:15.980 gift of gab to talk girls into doing those things at what age did you realize you had that how early

00:08:22.520 um well that didn't start or that was it was about in in my 30s on your 30s in my 30s what

00:08:29.460 What was the first time you had a sexual encounter with a girl?

00:08:32.580 Oh, I was four.

00:08:34.520 That was different.

00:08:35.940 I was four.

00:08:37.160 It was the older girls that were watching me, you know,

00:08:40.300 and they were like six and seven, and so that changed.

00:08:45.420 Did you say four years old?

00:08:46.620 Four years old.

00:08:47.440 With six- and seven-year-old girls?

00:08:49.180 Yeah, and we did that every day until I was like 13.

00:08:52.740 You know, had more sex then than I've had in my adult life,

00:08:56.580 So my expectation for interaction was always, was those things.

00:09:02.700 I'm still confused.

00:09:03.560 You said four years old?

00:09:04.520 Four years old.

00:09:05.060 And they were six or seven?

00:09:06.340 Six and seven.

00:09:06.960 Were they Muslims?

00:09:08.040 No, no, no, no.

00:09:09.320 Because I'm thinking your father would.

00:09:11.220 Yeah, my father wouldn't have known.

00:09:12.640 But when you're not supervised.

00:09:14.780 And you guys are just fooling around it.

00:09:16.260 We're just fooling.

00:09:17.120 We played hide and go get.

00:09:19.400 Pants up, pants down.

00:09:21.260 That was my experience.

00:09:22.580 And I'm like, I look at my son's eight and nine now, no, nine and ten now, and I can't imagine them getting involved in that, you know.

00:09:34.920 But I lost my innocence, you know.

00:09:37.900 It was effectively being molested.

00:09:40.340 But then you have this—

00:09:41.900 But not grown girls, six, seven-year-old girls.

00:09:44.520 Yeah, they were six and seven.

00:09:44.720 They were seven.

00:09:45.500 They were about two years older than me, me and my brother.

00:09:47.640 How long did that last?

00:09:48.700 Up until we were, like, 13.

00:09:49.980 But all the kids in the neighborhood was doing that.

00:09:52.100 Oh, this is a neighborhood thing.

00:09:53.840 You guys are just not playing and you're doing this.

00:09:55.780 We play high and go get.

00:09:57.120 What neighborhood was this?

00:09:58.300 This is in Cleveland, Cleveland, Ohio.

00:10:00.400 Wow.

00:10:01.340 Yeah.

00:10:01.680 Wow.

00:10:02.640 30th and Central.

00:10:03.680 Who's watching over you?

00:10:04.780 Are you living with mom and dad's in prison?

00:10:06.700 My dad's in prison.

00:10:07.940 My mom, well, my dad had just gotten out of prison, but then he goes, then he's at work

00:10:11.380 all the time, you know, and trying to hustle a job because it was hard to get a job after

00:10:16.040 that.

00:10:16.260 And then my mother's in school.

00:10:18.020 So, and I didn't know, it felt like it was wrong, but I didn't know that it was wrong.

00:10:26.100 No, no, I wish they did.

00:10:27.660 I wish they did.

00:10:28.840 I wish I had never done that.

00:10:30.100 I would probably have been a completely different person, but it gave me an eschewed view of interaction.

00:10:36.760 I kept thinking that, you know, everybody was promiscuous like that.

00:10:40.700 So by the time I get 16, 17, you know, I've done enough to where I'm starting.

00:10:47.080 Now the spiritual side of me is starting to show up, you know, but then I slipped back into it at 25, you know, and for 25 to 30 something, you know, we're still trying to be a Jehovah's Witness, but still having this, this urge taking place.

00:11:03.840 and the bad things I'd learned from my uncles and all of that influencing me.

00:11:09.280 And it takes you a long time to try and get back to who and what you really, really are.

00:11:14.380 But, yeah, that really messed me up.

00:11:17.340 Are you kidding me?

00:11:19.520 I've talked to a lot of different people.

00:11:21.400 No one's ever told me they had more sex between 4 to 13 than you've seen any other.

00:11:25.700 Than I've had in my entire adult life.

00:11:27.720 Stop.

00:11:28.100 Because there's no orgasm, you know, until you're about 12, 13.

00:11:33.840 so and when you're saying sex you're saying intercourse yes we had intercourse was having

00:11:41.320 intercourse at four how did i mess you up as a as an adult later on well because you think about

00:11:49.540 the innocence of a child and having to deal with those adult circumstances and situations you're

00:11:57.840 not mentally prepared for it so now i'm so super protective of my children of other people's

00:12:04.540 children i'm like i'm you know when we have a family a friend come and visit and they've got

00:12:09.760 an infant i'll secure the whole house and put pillows everywhere i'm just overly protective

00:12:16.020 because i wanted somebody i'm trying to protect me my kids are never alone they are never alone

00:12:23.020 without at least two people watching them, you know,

00:12:26.960 just because I don't want what happened to me to ever happen to them.

00:12:31.900 What a perspective.

00:12:32.760 So if somebody who is not, probably nothing happened to them,

00:12:36.860 so they think automatically everybody is safe.

00:12:38.780 But for you, since it happened to you,

00:12:40.940 you're always paranoid of what could happen.

00:12:43.640 Yeah, I mean, when I was 13, you couldn't trust me with your daughter

00:12:47.900 because I thought the way the interaction was, you know,

00:12:51.140 you there's there's this play that we do you know I didn't pull myself fully together until I was

00:12:57.920 about maybe 15 about 15 I started seeing the I started seeing where I could head to you know

00:13:09.420 that no because there was a girl that I wanted to marry and I I loved her I loved this girl

00:13:18.140 And she wanted to have sex, and I didn't want to have sex.

00:13:21.680 This was like 14.

00:13:22.640 I just started studying the Bible and really coming around to who I would ultimately become.

00:13:31.260 And she ended up having a train ran on her by my friends, you know, because I didn't want to have sex with her.

00:13:39.900 I didn't know she was a freak.

00:13:41.680 I didn't know that she was trying to be free like this.

00:13:44.460 You don't know her reputation?

00:13:46.420 No.

00:13:46.800 She didn't have a reputation at the time, but she was ready to explore.

00:13:50.620 So the train had happened?

00:13:52.520 No, it happened.

00:13:53.520 She's thinking about it.

00:13:54.380 Yeah, it happened after, because I wouldn't do something with her.

00:13:59.260 So that's what I'm saying.

00:14:00.520 I would have the ones that I loved, I didn't want to touch.

00:14:04.200 The ones that were special, I didn't want to touch.

00:14:06.440 But I was treating other people's child, yeah, like, oh, well, she's not somebody I want to marry or anything like that.

00:14:12.140 Did any father ever find that and come and get you and want to be?

00:14:14.680 No, I wish they did.

00:14:15.500 A brother, nothing.

00:14:16.500 i wish they did really no because they were every the brothers what would be the number like how

00:14:22.060 many girls would you say from four to 13 oh at least 100 at least 100 from four to 13 at least

00:14:32.140 100 oh my goodness and you don't want it's not something that you no i don't you yeah yeah you're

00:14:40.000 sitting there looking at your life like wow so that's what made a difference for me when i got

00:14:46.040 older. I didn't want, you know, when I would be next to these people, I, I knew that feeling of

00:14:52.800 taking that walk. A lot of people didn't explore sexuality enough to where they had an opportunity,

00:14:58.300 you know, to sow their wild oats at that earlier age. And, but it's literally, it's how the system,

00:15:07.600 the government has been set up to where the father and the mother are not at home. There's

00:15:12.120 no caretakers taking care of looking after you know the most important part of the family anymore

00:15:17.580 uh at that time when that's going on would uh would you

00:15:21.560 i have like 50 questions uh uh sexually transmitted did anybody get anything anything

00:15:30.460 and nothing so none of those things happen did you witness older men coming in taking

00:15:35.260 the manage of younger girls or no no but what i did see well there would be some 16 year olds

00:15:40.880 you know messing with younger girls and but that was all normalized inside of the community it did

00:15:49.100 not that was just the transaction that was how we played i thought it was normal and you guys

00:15:56.300 called it a game yeah we you know let's play hide and go get and you're saying that to like three

00:16:01.560 girls are with you you're saying that or is it you and your buddies and three girls there about

00:16:04.940 eight of us hanging out and you know it all like hide and go seek but it was hide and go get

00:16:10.680 and you would decide pants up or pants down.

00:16:13.540 And that's, I would hate for my child to be doing that this day.

00:16:17.560 And it causes you to forget most of your childhood

00:16:21.000 because you don't want to remember.

00:16:22.420 I'm not sure about it.

00:16:23.080 You don't want to remember those things.

00:16:24.980 But those are the things that painted me, you know,

00:16:28.720 with my father being sent off to prison,

00:16:31.040 with my mother trying to have the career instead of taking care of us

00:16:36.780 because she didn't get the career that she wanted.

00:16:38.940 What did she want to do?

00:16:39.700 She ended up graduating from college and all that, but she wanted to be an actress.

00:16:44.360 She wanted to be a journalist.

00:16:45.640 She wanted to be all of that stuff.

00:16:47.240 That didn't happen for her.

00:16:49.400 And she lost being able to protect her sons, you know, because now all my brothers are Jehovah's Witnesses.

00:16:56.180 They've made different choices in their life.

00:16:58.940 But I know that those thoughts still go through their head of the choices that we made when we were younger, you know, and you're just a little more overprotective.

00:17:08.860 a lot more overprotective, you know, about who you are.

00:17:12.820 And I look forward to the next lifetime of not remembering it anymore.

00:17:16.400 Did you guys ever run into each other?

00:17:18.540 Did you ever run into any of the girls?

00:17:20.380 No, I haven't been back to Cleveland.

00:17:22.040 You've never been back to Cleveland?

00:17:23.180 I've gone there, but I've gone to Savannah.

00:17:24.480 Not walking through anything.

00:17:26.680 I can only imagine.

00:17:27.300 Like, you ever seen the movie The Judge with Robert Downey Jr.

00:17:30.960 and Robert Duvall?

00:17:32.040 You know how he goes back to the town he grew up in

00:17:34.300 and he never wanted to go back,

00:17:35.600 and he runs into the girl, his ex, at the bar,

00:17:37.780 and he left, when you go back, you don't see any of these old friends.

00:17:41.440 No, and that's why I was explaining to my daughters

00:17:44.160 that if I bumped into girls that I had interaction with,

00:17:48.520 I wouldn't even know their face or name.

00:17:50.600 That's pretty wild.

00:17:51.120 Hi, everyone. My name is Terrence Howard.

00:17:53.620 I'm an actor, but in the field of science also.

00:17:57.980 So if you would like to connect with me, you can connect with me on MNECT.

00:18:02.800 The QR code is down below, and let's have a great conversation.

00:18:07.600 If you enjoyed this video, you want to watch more videos like this, click here.

00:18:10.380 And if you want to watch the entire podcast, click here.

Valuetainment - March 18, 2026

“I Was Four Years Old” - Terrence Howard REVEALS The Sexual Abuse That Changed His Life

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