Valuetainment - August 26, 2025


＂Parenting Has ZERO Influence＂ - Parenting Expert REVEALS Who REALLY Shapes Your Kids


Episode Stats


Length

16 minutes

Words per minute

193.0013

Word count

3,175

Sentence count

286

Harmful content

Hate speech

4

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss the impact of parenting after the age of 15 on a child s behavior and the impact it has on their psychological traits. We also talk about the importance of a good school environment and the role it plays in shaping a child's behavior.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 This is a gentleman speaking about why parenting has almost no effect, Tom, after age 15.
00:00:08.820 Look at the way he breaks it down. Go ahead.
00:00:10.980 It's where you live. Why?
00:00:13.020 Because out-of-home influences are more powerful in shaping the life course of your child
00:00:18.500 than in-home influences are.
00:00:20.320 And those out-of-home influences are peer groups, other adults, neighborhoods, resources, schools,
00:00:26.960 and the larger community that you made available to this child.
00:00:30.920 That is how you shape your child's life course.
00:00:33.140 The second biggest influence is also out of your hands, and that's genetics.
00:00:36.800 And you don't get to determine that.
00:00:38.280 But if you think parenting is so influential, let me give you two findings that have been replicated many times.
00:00:43.480 When we follow up twins, we are able to calculate how much of their behavior is due to parenting
00:00:48.440 within family environment.
00:00:50.200 And here's what we find.
00:00:51.380 The peak years of parental influence are below seven.
00:00:54.120 From seven on to 12, it drops dramatically.
00:00:56.960 After 15, it's 6%.
00:00:58.720 6% of the variation in a teenager's behavior is how their parents raise them.
00:01:02.900 That's it.
00:01:03.340 And after age 21, it's zero.
00:01:05.240 There is no influence of parenting on any psychological trait after the age of 21.
00:01:10.240 Now, do not mistake what I am saying.
00:01:11.840 The knowledge your child possesses, what they know, is clearly a function of exposure in the environment.
00:01:19.140 But their traits, their abilities, their makeup, their personality is not.
00:01:23.420 Tom, do you agree with them?
00:01:24.780 I agree to a certain extent.
00:01:27.700 I mean, remember, you're talking about this is the psychological environment in industry speaking.
00:01:36.160 And it's based on their observations.
00:01:39.740 However, there is truth in what he's saying is that you get really two bites at the apple.
00:01:46.300 Bite number one is under age 13, before puberty.
00:01:50.400 Because puberty brings emotions, hormones, and changes in behavior that we all experience ourselves.
00:01:56.020 The second bite you get is between 13 and 18 when they leave the house.
00:02:02.500 Now, the first bite is much bigger and more impact.
00:02:05.680 But you do have a chance between 13 and 18.
00:02:09.280 And the angle that I chose, which was based on a lot of research, was I taught my daughters to reason and resist.
00:02:20.060 To reason through the situations of life and resist the easy for the best.
00:02:28.100 Resist the easy choices for the best.
00:02:30.320 And I constantly pointed out perspectives.
00:02:34.700 I didn't just stay in the echo chamber of our dinner table.
00:02:38.860 I pointed out, hey, did you see what happened to that kid at your school?
00:02:42.540 Yeah.
00:02:42.940 Do you see?
00:02:43.980 Do you see this?
00:02:45.020 Do you see?
00:02:45.960 And so when you start pointing out things that are happening in their environment and you teach them to reason and resist, that's what you get the second bite of the apple.
00:02:53.940 But he's correct in that.
00:02:56.200 Look, when the kids are young, you got to get them young on the things that you want them to respect, to do, and to have a natural inclination to.
00:03:07.380 Because after puberty and all those hormones hit, it's really difficult.
00:03:12.620 They're fighting two things.
00:03:14.240 Structure you're putting around them and the natural hormonal zaniness, especially in young boys, it just happens to you.
00:03:21.280 And then where do they spend most of their day?
00:03:26.940 They spend most of their day in school.
00:03:29.260 And so you need to know what is the makeup of the most influential kids at their school and what are those households looking like?
00:03:38.100 And I've been fortunate that the households that the girls are being influenced by are well-structured and well-behaved households.
00:03:47.280 You know, you watch this, and when he says, after 21 years old, the influence is zero.
00:03:54.800 And he has zero.
00:03:55.640 I don't agree with that.
00:03:56.680 No.
00:03:57.280 You know, where it's more about parents, more than, you know, the community, more than it is of parents.
00:04:02.140 Okay, fine.
00:04:02.940 Yes, I do believe that because purely the hours, number of spend with different people, it's important to put your kids in a school that's teaching the values that you agree with.
00:04:10.480 And the risk is involved on, you know, somebody may disagree with this, Vinny, and they may say the following.
00:04:16.700 They may say, well, I don't agree with this guy.
00:04:18.620 Really?
00:04:19.080 Yeah.
00:04:19.500 Yeah, because the influence is more on parents, and that is why.
00:04:23.500 Tell me why the LGBTQ community is growing on the kids. 1.00
00:04:27.480 You think the parents are doing it?
00:04:29.640 You think most parents are sitting there telling their kids to be gay?
00:04:32.700 You think, forget about the Megan Foxes, and forget about the Hollywood folks, you know, the Dwayne Ways, you know, I know since my kid was three years old, he was a transgender, whatever.
00:04:42.240 Yeah.
00:04:42.520 I'm not talking about those guys.
00:04:44.240 But who is doing this?
00:04:45.580 School's doing this.
00:04:46.800 Who is doing this?
00:04:47.860 Communities are doing this.
00:04:48.760 So there's a part of what he's saying is so true, where if you build a community, like the way we are when we're around each other, our values are similar.
00:04:58.720 I don't mind if my kids are with Tom and I'm not there.
00:05:00.860 He doesn't mind if his kids are with us, and we're not there.
00:05:03.520 We don't have any problem there because we know what we're teaching, right?
00:05:06.500 And neither one of us are undermining each other.
00:05:08.640 Like I don't undermine Tom, and Tom doesn't undermine me.
00:05:11.300 You can have some other people that are around us, and they take shots, and you see the kids.
00:05:15.460 When you see the kid disrespects you, the kid never disrespects me.
00:05:18.140 The parents disrespect me in front of the kid for the kid to disrespect you.
00:05:21.840 So never think it's the kid.
00:05:23.480 It's not the kid.
00:05:24.420 The parent is influencing that.
00:05:26.100 So you're like, no problem.
00:05:26.900 If that's the case, I'm not trying to get involved.
00:05:29.000 It's your kid.
00:05:29.440 You handle your thing.
00:05:30.140 But on the part that I want to talk about here is the influence side.
00:05:35.740 The other night we were having dinner, okay?
00:05:38.120 And we're at dinner, a restaurant we've never been to before.
00:05:40.960 Some of you guys should check it out.
00:05:42.000 It's called Casa de Angel.
00:05:43.380 So we're having dinner at this place.
00:05:45.020 Yeah.
00:05:45.340 Okay.
00:05:45.740 There's a guy that made a video with 40, 50 times me saying it.
00:05:48.460 I just love the place.
00:05:49.660 So we come back.
00:05:51.440 You're there.
00:05:52.000 We're in the car.
00:05:52.740 You drove us home.
00:05:53.520 We're in the car with the boys, right?
00:05:54.920 We come home that night, and I sit down with me, Tico, Dylan, and Senna.
00:06:02.560 I take out a piece of paper, okay?
00:06:05.840 And I said, guys, let's play a game together.
00:06:08.660 And this is the game that we played.
00:06:10.540 We played the game.
00:06:11.900 I said, tell me.
00:06:13.360 You can see here what it looks like.
00:06:15.380 I said, tell me.
00:06:16.940 You're 30 years old, okay?
00:06:19.160 What would be four to five things that you would be proud of if you're 30 years old that you're doing, okay?
00:06:29.480 So I'd want to be a soccer player.
00:06:32.080 Okay, great.
00:06:32.740 What else?
00:06:33.820 I want to run my own business, insurance.
00:06:38.060 Okay, great.
00:06:38.640 What else?
00:06:39.900 I want to be a palentialologist.
00:06:45.860 What is that?
00:06:46.480 That's like the study of—
00:06:47.400 The dinosaur person, Tom.
00:06:49.360 Paleontologist, I think.
00:06:50.400 Paleontologist.
00:06:51.380 Paleontologist.
00:06:51.800 That's okay.
00:06:52.500 I'm not Jim McKay.
00:06:52.960 Study of animal history.
00:06:55.100 Right.
00:06:55.460 So, you know, that's what I want to do.
00:06:57.500 Okay, great.
00:06:58.380 What else?
00:06:59.280 And I'm going through it.
00:07:01.100 I'd want to—okay, what else?
00:07:03.300 Next one.
00:07:03.980 I'd want to be the CEO of Valuetainment.
00:07:05.580 What else?
00:07:06.440 I want to be able to do this.
00:07:07.840 I want to be able to make movies.
00:07:09.560 I want to be able to write scripts, and my characters actually become—you know, what else?
00:07:13.420 I want to be able to have my own bakery.
00:07:14.940 I want to be able to do this.
00:07:15.880 I want to be able to do that.
00:07:16.700 And they're explaining all of these things, right?
00:07:19.380 So I said, okay, what qualities do you need for this to become a reality?
00:07:23.860 Leadership, determination, discipline, hard work, poise.
00:07:27.320 They're giving me all the qualities.
00:07:28.820 I'm not giving them.
00:07:29.480 I said, so you need all those qualities to be this.
00:07:30.960 Yes, yes, all right, fantastic.
00:07:33.180 What route do you need to take for each of these jobs?
00:07:35.400 Which of these jobs do you need a degree?
00:07:36.880 Do you need a degree to be a professional soccer player?
00:07:39.080 No.
00:07:39.580 Do you need a degree to be a business owner?
00:07:41.660 No.
00:07:42.040 Do you need a degree—so we're kind of going through it.
00:07:43.780 Yes, I need a for penalty.
00:07:45.020 All this other stuff, we're kind of going through it, right?
00:07:47.880 And then you know what I do?
00:07:49.000 I said, okay, great.
00:07:50.140 Let's play a game.
00:07:51.400 What's the game?
00:07:52.620 We're going to play the imagination game.
00:07:55.060 What's the imagination game?
00:07:56.120 I said, let's go through it.
00:07:57.980 So I said, I want you to think about it.
00:07:59.480 You're 30 years old, okay?
00:08:01.580 You're 30 years old, and you're—you want to set that aside, Adam, for a second?
00:08:09.280 What are you doing?
00:08:09.860 You're eating some chips and stuff?
00:08:11.220 No, go ahead, sir.
00:08:12.120 Okay.
00:08:12.680 So imagine you're 30 years old, and you're actually doing this job.
00:08:20.220 Adam, what are you doing?
00:08:21.680 Pat, it's a thing right here.
00:08:23.480 Okay.
00:08:23.640 So I said—I'm telling him 15 times, like, set that thing aside.
00:08:27.580 I said, imagine you're 30 years old.
00:08:29.460 You're a professional soccer player.
00:08:31.820 To one of them, I said, imagine you're 30 years old.
00:08:34.420 You graduate at West Point.
00:08:35.660 You're in the military.
00:08:36.580 I'm just watching reaction.
00:08:37.480 I said, how's it going to feel?
00:08:38.880 He says, I guess we'll know when I'm there.
00:08:42.720 I said, okay.
00:08:43.760 So I said, imagine 30 years old.
00:08:45.460 You're making movies.
00:08:46.780 You're in the theater.
00:08:48.040 You're watching people's reaction.
00:08:49.880 They're getting scared, or they're crying, or they're reacting,
00:08:52.940 and you're just watching everyone's face.
00:08:54.920 How's it going to feel?
00:08:56.800 To see his entire physiology changed, his face.
00:09:01.820 Then I go to the next one, and the next one, and then I go to Dylan.
00:09:06.660 I wish I recorded this moment, because I'm always going to cherish this moment,
00:09:10.300 this moment with these guys.
00:09:11.240 I said, in tears, in full-on tears.
00:09:16.100 Dilly.
00:09:17.280 Dilly.
00:09:17.780 When I tell you full-on tears, full-on tears, and he, then Senna,
00:09:24.880 I said, notice which one didn't give you any excitement.
00:09:30.160 Notice which one you were just kind of like, whatever.
00:09:32.200 Notice which one gave you an incredible.
00:09:33.720 I said, you have to realize, I can only take you so far, Daddy.
00:09:41.540 I can't take you that far.
00:09:43.640 I'm your dad.
00:09:44.700 My dad never told me to go be a business owner.
00:09:47.440 He just said an example.
00:09:48.440 I worked hard, and I picked up the hard work from him,
00:09:50.240 and keep your word, and I took it to this level.
00:09:52.860 I've never seen anybody in my family make this kind of money.
00:09:55.580 I wanted to go to this level.
00:09:58.480 If you're going to go be a professional at anything,
00:10:00.460 you've got to take it to certain levels that I can't even take it.
00:10:04.120 But when you saw their faces, I said, notice you didn't react to that,
00:10:07.260 but you reacted to this, and you reacted to this.
00:10:09.920 Tonight's going to come down to what you guys want to do with your life.
00:10:12.520 But every one of them, Vinny, is different.
00:10:15.620 This is why I'm convinced there are studies done about the fact
00:10:20.240 that people are born with liberal tendencies,
00:10:24.060 and people are born with conservative tendencies.
00:10:27.760 You're born that way.
00:10:29.080 And then some of it is family, environment, surroundings,
00:10:32.440 all this other stuff that makes you that way.
00:10:33.780 So to me, as we're going through this direction,
00:10:36.900 there are people that hate passionately people like Trump.
00:10:42.760 Passionately, they hate people like Trump.
00:10:45.180 And, you know, you're like, all right, that's who that person is.
00:10:48.040 But if we're going forward with this place,
00:10:49.960 and you're seeing that whole number you just showed that,
00:10:51.720 so it's 2.1 million Democrats lost, Republicans lost 2.4 million.
00:10:56.480 Why do you think Democrats lost 2.1 million?
00:10:59.080 And Republicans gained 2.4 million.
00:11:01.160 Why do you think the reasons are?
00:11:03.380 Border, economy.
00:11:05.360 No, think about them.
00:11:06.900 So Democrats screwed up the border.
00:11:09.340 Democrats, so they're losing voters.
00:11:12.300 Why did 2.4 million people flip to the Republican side?
00:11:16.780 Nobody's emotional or you're taken by the Democrat vision,
00:11:21.460 what they're selling.
00:11:22.460 And they were lied to.
00:11:23.240 It's not about, I don't think it's about the issues like that.
00:11:25.780 I think it's, at first, it's at the core.
00:11:28.580 You don't get me emotional about the future of America
00:11:31.740 if you describe it the way the Dems do.
00:11:34.900 That's me.
00:11:35.460 Yeah.
00:11:35.940 You haven't got me.
00:11:36.700 But guess what?
00:11:37.240 But there's a bunch of people that are moving
00:11:39.260 that don't like what they see in America
00:11:41.280 and they like what they're being sold on one side of the other.
00:11:44.160 And I think a lot of them, too, Tom,
00:11:45.400 like when you see all these,
00:11:47.580 like I'm not saying Stephen A. Smith is not a Democrat anymore,
00:11:50.140 but all this shift, all these people flipping,
00:11:52.620 because they're like, wait a minute.
00:11:54.020 This guy, like this movement that you guys were lying to us
00:11:57.300 this whole time, from Russia to this, to that, to here,
00:12:00.780 the economy, and now, Tom, they're like, wait a minute.
00:12:03.160 Everything that you guys said about this guy,
00:12:04.720 that stupid, that, I'm sorry, I'm saying the word again,
00:12:06.900 that hat, Newsom was right about everything.
00:12:08.960 No, no, Trump, he wasn't right about everything,
00:12:11.140 but he was kind of right.
00:12:12.780 The tariffs are working, the border, this, everything,
00:12:15.160 the crime, it's all working.
00:12:16.580 So now they're all flipping to the other side.
00:12:19.520 They are.
00:12:20.400 So to me, if the number one factor for me is results.
00:12:26.760 When they first came out with all this transgender stuff 1.00
00:12:29.420 and all the COVID vaccine stuff and all the stay home
00:12:32.260 and don't go to school and put the mask on stuff,
00:12:34.580 guess what the 20% did?
00:12:36.740 Not the 40, 40, not the 47, whatever,
00:12:40.660 with the 46 to 43, what did the 15% of middle do?
00:12:44.700 Started questioning and getting upset.
00:12:45.880 No, they actually did it.
00:12:48.740 The people are like, all right, maybe they're right.
00:12:51.700 Maybe we should take the vaccine.
00:12:53.520 Maybe they're like, maybe we should put the mask on.
00:12:56.240 Maybe they're like, maybe we should stay home.
00:12:57.960 Maybe they're right.
00:12:59.000 Maybe, but then what happened?
00:13:01.520 Then they learned they were wrong.
00:13:04.820 And then when they found out they were wrong,
00:13:06.780 they're like, dude, I don't relate to you guys.
00:13:09.640 What's the point?
00:13:10.940 The Republicans can still screw it up
00:13:13.560 and hand those votes out to the other side.
00:13:16.160 They can still screw it up and hand the votes out
00:13:18.300 to the other side.
00:13:19.120 If they start getting overly confident,
00:13:21.300 but right now, according to data, research numbers,
00:13:24.800 if, and by the way, the tariffs are not even done yet.
00:13:28.020 Imagine if they brokered a deal with China.
00:13:30.880 Imagine if he gets this peace deal with Russia, Ukraine, Zelens. 0.98
00:13:34.360 Imagine if he gets everything that's done with Israel. 0.98
00:13:36.980 Imagine if he gets all this stuff done
00:13:38.740 and the economy's popping next year.
00:13:40.600 What are they going to say?
00:13:41.660 Hey, you can try to mock all the stuff you're doing.
00:13:46.320 People are going to look at you and they're going to be like,
00:13:48.180 yeah, you guys are funny.
00:13:50.860 It's like the guy, you ever seen the guy,
00:13:52.620 just like, you know, the basketball game.
00:13:54.820 The guy's like, hey, what's up?
00:13:55.780 Yeah, what's up?
00:13:56.440 What's up?
00:13:56.660 What's up?
00:13:57.320 And the player goes like to me,
00:13:58.360 looks at him, is laughing at him.
00:13:59.460 He's like, he points out the leader's bulletin.
00:14:01.840 Look at the score.
00:14:02.540 You're down 42 points, bro.
00:14:04.220 Yeah.
00:14:05.080 What are you doing?
00:14:05.820 Yeah.
00:14:06.400 That's what could happen in 27, 28,
00:14:08.700 if they keep playing this way.
00:14:10.580 It could be a devastating loss to the other side,
00:14:14.520 the way they're going.
00:14:16.580 Adam, have your nuts.
00:14:18.080 Whatever you're trying to have.
00:14:19.780 This guy, he's like, opens up the nuts.
00:14:22.000 We want to show you the campus,
00:14:23.400 especially those of you guys that are going to the vault.
00:14:25.120 So if you've already bought a ticket, great.
00:14:28.620 Rob's going to put the link here for you to go register.
00:14:30.600 If you bought a ticket, you get to bring a guest with you
00:14:32.520 just to see the tour.
00:14:34.100 Some of you guys are going to be able to get on private jets
00:14:35.960 and actually see what a private jet's like.
00:14:37.740 And some of you guys are going to see some exotic cars.
00:14:39.860 And I'm not just talking about some regular cars.
00:14:42.100 I'm talking about some very weird-looking cars
00:14:44.960 that cost a couple million dollars.
00:14:46.920 That'll be this Wednesday.
00:14:48.100 If you haven't yet bought your ticket,
00:14:50.380 we are literally two weeks away from the vault conference.
00:14:53.400 This is when all of a sudden,
00:14:54.520 everybody starts buying the tickets.
00:14:56.440 And, oh my God, I got to get that together.
00:14:57.500 I got to go.
00:14:57.880 I got to go.
00:14:58.240 I got to go.
00:14:58.980 Which is great.
00:14:59.620 But this is causing tickets to sell out as well.
00:15:02.180 If you're somebody that hasn't yet purchased your ticket,
00:15:04.820 go to thevaultconference.com,
00:15:07.880 thevaultconference.com.
00:15:09.460 Rob, can you put the link below?
00:15:11.940 Thevaultconference.com.
00:15:12.760 If we have a QR code for them to go there as well,
00:15:14.920 get yourself a ticket.
00:15:15.980 Generals will be able to network with around 400, 500 people.
00:15:19.460 Platinums and executives will get a tour
00:15:21.960 by a couple of our associates.
00:15:23.200 Anybody that's got a founder or CEO ticket,
00:15:25.300 I'm going to be giving you a tour of the entire facility.
00:15:28.060 Excited to see everybody here.
00:15:29.120 We're going to have some hors d'oeuvres, some food.
00:15:31.080 You know, it's going to be some,
00:15:32.000 you'll see stuff before a lot of other people will see it.
00:15:34.160 So, again, if you're in South Florida or surrounding,
00:15:36.240 people are traveling from, you know,
00:15:37.700 from other countries here to just come for this.
00:15:40.120 But if you haven't yet,
00:15:41.260 go to thevaultconference.com,
00:15:42.520 get your ticket,
00:15:43.540 and go register with the link below.
00:15:45.460 Add a guest.
00:15:46.300 We'll see you here in 48 hours.
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00:16:21.060 OK,
00:16:22.020 for sure you're right here.
00:16:24.500 You know,
00:16:25.620 and you're all right.
00:16:26.560 You're right.