Valuetainment - Why Are So Many People Unhappy？

00:00:00.120 So today I'm going to do something complicated, and that's to take the topic of sleep, like

00:00:03.480 how much sleep you need to get, which is a very debated topic regularly, and the word

00:00:09.160 guilt.

00:00:10.160 Guilt is something that others impose on you that prevents you from chasing your dreams

00:00:16.960 because you feel guilty all the time.

00:00:18.960 And let's get these two guys to clash and see if I can make a point to you, and hopefully

00:00:22.400 I can take some pressure off your back.

00:00:23.800 Fair?

00:00:24.800 Is that okay with you?

00:00:25.800 So let's get right into it.

00:00:26.800 I have a webinar, it's a private webinar that I do monthly, and it's for a group of

00:00:31.200 50, 60, 70 people from around the world.

00:00:33.040 And one of the guys on there who runs a chiropractic practice, he does around $5 million a year,

00:00:38.360 he says, Patrick, tell me about sleep and how you view sleep, because this one professor

00:00:43.360 who wrote this book, which I'm very aware of, he says you need to sleep at least a minimum

00:00:47.800 of seven to nine hours a night, and that's what you need to do, but what do you think

00:00:50.880 about it because you have a different view on sleep.

00:00:52.760 I said, okay, cool.

00:00:54.320 I said, I've seen this guy, he's written a book, done great, his book is backed up on

00:00:57.760 a lot of research, he's a professor at UC Berkeley, the guy's brilliant, he's an expert

00:01:01.920 in this area, however, let me try to make the point to you of sleep in a different way.

00:01:05.440 He says, okay, tell me.

00:01:07.000 I said, so my wife and I were about to get married, we were dating, we were going to

00:01:11.240 meet with a therapist, a, what do you call her, a marriage counselor, right?

00:01:15.080 And very nice guy, recommended through the church, so we're like really excited about

00:01:18.920 meeting this guy.

00:01:20.420 So I said, so, you know, listen, hey, here's $200, you know, before we get started.

00:01:23.860 You know, tell me what is the key to having a successful marriage, because you've been

00:01:27.860 married for how long now?

00:01:28.860 He says, 33 years.

00:01:29.860 Wow, 33 years, fantastic.

00:01:31.980 What's the key to a successful marriage?

00:01:33.180 He says, you know, I got to tell you, for 33 years, my wife and I have one rule.

00:01:39.200 What's that?

00:01:40.200 We never miss dinner at six o'clock.

00:01:42.700 Every day, my wife and my kids, up until 18 years old, we were supposed to be together

00:01:47.140 at six o'clock to have dinner, and we believe that's the reason why we've been able to have

00:01:50.700 a successful marriage.

00:01:51.700 I said, okay.

00:01:52.700 I said, what do you do for a living?

00:01:53.900 He says, I'm a school teacher.

00:01:55.140 I said, okay, what does your wife do for a living? 1.00

00:01:57.220 She's also a school teacher.

00:01:58.860 I said, that's great.

00:01:59.860 I said, listen, I appreciate your time.

00:02:01.460 I put my hand out there, I shook his hand, he's confused.

00:02:03.500 He said, what's going on?

00:02:04.780 I said, listen, here's the $200, thank you so much, you're wonderful.

00:02:07.980 We still have 55 minutes left.

00:02:09.220 I said, I got what I needed out of five minutes in the hour, and only five minutes, you're wonderful,

00:02:14.880 thank you so much.

00:02:15.880 My wife's confused, she's like, babe, I didn't even get a chance to ask any questions.

00:02:20.120 I said, yeah, you're right, but let's see what, explain to you my point, why we don't

00:02:24.400 have to talk to this guy.

00:02:26.480 She says, why?

00:02:27.480 I said, number one, I said, you're not a school teacher, neither am I.

00:02:32.260 We don't get off at 3.30 every day and have the summer off, and that's not the life we

00:02:36.560 chose to live.

00:02:37.500 We chose to be an entrepreneur, and you, if you're going to marry this guy, I'm a guy that

00:02:41.660 runs businesses.

00:02:42.660 It's what I love to do, it's my game.

00:02:44.500 It's like marrying an athlete, marrying a politician, marrying a rock star that's on

00:02:49.740 tour, marrying an artist, marrying a creator, marrying a pastor, marrying somebody that has

00:02:55.180 a different kind of a schedule that they go.

00:02:56.740 So my wife goes and meets with pastor's wife, who's a realtor, and they have a meeting to

00:03:01.980 get, because we're going through all these different people, trying to see what kind

00:03:04.200 of feedback we're going to get.

00:03:06.120 And she asks my wife of a very random question. 0.95

00:03:11.680 She says, listen, before you guys get engaged in marriage, are you ready to share your husband

00:03:15.700 with the world?

00:03:16.980 She says, excuse me?

00:03:17.980 She says, are you ready to share your husband with the world?

00:03:20.500 I'm not sure, I don't want to share him with anybody.

00:03:22.220 She says, well, let me explain to you what I mean by this.

00:03:23.660 She says, you know, my husband is part of a church with 20,000 members, and there's a lot

00:03:27.860 of people that want his time.

00:03:28.860 They want to be around.

00:03:29.860 They need him.

00:03:30.860 He sits on boards.

00:03:31.860 He does this.

00:03:32.860 He does that.

00:03:33.860 Your husband's going in that direction.

00:03:34.860 I want him to sit on boards, pulled over here, that direction, this direction, travel, speaking,

00:03:38.480 all this.

00:03:39.480 Are you okay with that?

00:03:40.480 Are you okay with managing the calendar, whose birthday, anniversary, preparing the vacation,

00:03:44.620 the holidays, everything that's going on, you need to put in his calendar because he's

00:03:47.860 going to miss it, because he's got a lot of stuff on his mind that he's trying to come.

00:03:51.160 Are you okay with this?

00:03:52.160 Are you okay with that?

00:03:53.160 Are you okay with him coming home at night late, at 11 o'clock?

00:03:55.160 Are you okay with this stuff?

00:03:57.100 And they have that conversation.

00:03:58.420 And she comes back, and she tells me about the conversation, right?

00:04:01.620 She's like, I want this one.

00:04:02.620 I said, okay.

00:04:03.620 What do you think about it?

00:04:04.620 I'm like, what do you think about what she said?

00:04:06.120 Because that's kind of who I am.

00:04:07.560 That's kind of what I'm going to be doing.

00:04:09.620 And the wife was also a realtor.

00:04:11.620 So it wasn't like she's a stay-at-home mom.

00:04:13.080 She had her own career.

00:04:14.780 Just like my wife has her own career. 1.00

00:04:16.280 Now we work together.

00:04:17.280 She's a VP.

00:04:18.280 She does things for herself with the company.

00:04:20.200 I said, this makes sense.

00:04:23.480 That's the life.

00:04:24.960 The other therapist wasn't living our life.

00:04:28.180 So where am I going with sleep here?

00:04:30.260 So an author writes a book and talks about how we are better if we sleep seven to nine hours

00:04:33.480 a night.

00:04:34.480 That may work if you're a school teacher, and you work a certain set of hours.

00:04:38.540 You come home.

00:04:39.540 You write books for a living, and you teach a few hours a week, and you have time to go

00:04:43.280 the way you want to do.

00:04:45.080 But that schedule's not going to work for somebody that's got a startup, that's trying to build

00:04:48.720 a company, that's trying to get that going.

00:04:50.980 It's just not going to work.

00:04:51.980 It's not going to work for somebody that's trying to grow their business.

00:04:55.480 For the first two, five, ten years, it's a lot of work to survive while you're building

00:05:00.040 your business.

00:05:01.040 By the way, the seven to nine hour concept also doesn't work if you try to tell a mother 0.67

00:05:05.220 who's about to have a baby, and has a newborn baby, and you tell the mother, hey, I just want

00:05:09.740 you know, this author said, you need to sleep seven to nine hours, why are you not sleeping

00:05:13.760 seven to nine hours?

00:05:14.760 The mother says, how dare you tell me to sleep seven to nine hours?

00:05:17.460 This baby has to wake up every couple hours, and she latches on me, and I have to pump, 0.86

00:05:21.740 and I have to do this.

00:05:22.740 I can't sleep, I wish I could sleep seven to nine hours, right?

00:05:25.860 And how dare you tell somebody in the military that's in the field right now, trying to protect

00:05:30.000 the country, and he gets four hours of sleep because he's got guard duty at two o'clock

00:05:33.260 in the morning.

00:05:34.260 How dare you tell that to that person, right?

00:05:35.440 Or somebody that's on a run, like an Obama or a Trump or a Hillary Clinton who is on

00:05:40.280 a campaign to become a president, and they're going 18 months and traveling nonstop, shaking

00:05:44.700 cans, shaking cans, shaking cans, shaking cans.

00:05:46.700 What can I do to earn your vote?

00:05:47.700 What can I do to earn your vote?

00:05:48.700 Well, I don't like the way your policy, this, this, this, this, that.

00:05:51.260 I think you're going to take jobs away from steel.

00:05:53.080 I think you're going to do this.

00:05:54.080 And here we go again, same thing I've said 700 times to other people here in Pittsburgh.

00:05:58.320 I've got to tell you again, and here's what I'm going to be doing.

00:06:00.500 I'm going to, please, give me a shot, let me earn my vote.

00:06:02.740 We're not going to vote for you.

00:06:03.740 Get out of our house.

00:06:04.740 Next home.

00:06:05.740 Here we go again.

00:06:06.740 How are you going to tell that person that's running to be a senator, governor, president,

00:06:10.580 seven to nine hours a night?

00:06:11.580 They're on a run.

00:06:12.800 So is he right or is he wrong?

00:06:14.200 I don't say he's wrong, but it's phases of life.

00:06:17.620 So what do I mean by phases of life?

00:06:19.780 And what does this have to do with the word guilt?

00:06:22.420 Because everybody that ever did anything great in their lives, they've gone on many runs.

00:06:27.900 For example, taking Elon Musk.

00:06:29.780 Elon Musk has been on more runs than other people have.

00:06:33.780 He's condensed his timeframe.

00:06:34.780 For example, Elon Musk's day is three days to the average person.

00:06:39.620 Elon Musk's day, one day, is three days.

00:06:41.620 Elon Musk, to the average person, what a person accomplishes in a week, Elon probably does in

00:06:48.420 a day.

00:06:49.420 What a person accomplishes in a month, he probably does in a week.

00:06:51.620 Maybe even fewer than a week, right?

00:06:53.460 A year or two, he's like, dude, two weeks is what I need on what the average person accomplishes.

00:06:57.460 Because he's constantly feeding himself, right?

00:06:59.460 He's on a run.

00:07:01.460 Presidents are on multiple runs.

00:07:03.000 Trump's been on multiple runs.

00:07:04.860 Obama's been on multiple runs.

00:07:06.300 Senate, whatever, community organizer, first term, second term, it's runs.

00:07:10.460 It's runs.

00:07:11.460 It's runs you go on.

00:07:14.460 Where does the guilt come in place here?

00:07:16.380 Here's the guilt.

00:07:18.460 The world is going to look at what you want to do in your life.

00:07:21.380 See the vision's very big, massive.

00:07:24.780 And no matter what phase of your life you're in, when you're here, people who are here,

00:07:28.240 they're encouraging you.

00:07:29.240 Oh, you can do it, man.

00:07:30.760 I'm here.

00:07:31.760 I'm a cheerleader.

00:07:32.760 And then you pass it.

00:07:33.760 Hey, hey, hey, that's a little too much.

00:07:35.760 Why is it too much?

00:07:37.380 Is it too much or just because I passed you up?

00:07:39.940 So guilt.

00:07:40.940 No, no, no, guilt, guilt, guilt, right?

00:07:45.480 At what level does it stop?

00:07:46.720 It never stops.

00:07:48.580 You're making 50, your buddy's making 70.

00:07:51.060 You go to 100,000, this guy starts saying all he cares about is money.

00:07:54.360 You go to the next level.

00:07:55.900 You're making a quarter, your buddy's making 380, okay?

00:07:58.920 Your quarter, he's 380.

00:08:00.320 You get to 500, oh, it's just all about money, man.

00:08:02.320 I'm just trying to, right?

00:08:04.980 You all of a sudden are creating a following and you're like, hey, I was just creating content.

00:08:08.700 All of a sudden you go over here.

00:08:09.700 No, no, it's just too much.

00:08:10.700 All you're trying to be is too famous.

00:08:12.580 That's guilt, right?

00:08:13.580 Hey, you don't care about family.

00:08:15.200 Hey, you don't care about your kids. 1.00

00:08:16.460 Hey, you don't care about this.

00:08:17.460 All you care about is money.

00:08:18.460 All you care about is success.

00:08:19.900 This is all ways of trying to poke what?

00:08:22.460 Guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt.

00:08:26.740 So one of the guys on the same exact private webinar that I was doing, monthly webinar that

00:08:31.940 I was doing said, Patrick, I'm having a hard time with life.

00:08:36.060 I said, what do you mean?

00:08:37.720 He says, I'm just not enjoying my life right now.

00:08:40.840 I said, how's your marriage?

00:08:41.840 He says, it's not the best, but you know, it's not that good.

00:08:46.480 I said, is it bad?

00:08:47.480 No, it's not really bad.

00:08:48.480 But it's not good.

00:08:49.480 It's not like we have anything that's kind of boring.

00:08:50.480 He used the word boring.

00:08:51.480 I'm like, never a word you want to use of marriage boring, but sometimes marriage does get boring,

00:08:55.600 right?

00:08:56.600 Because routine, routine, routine, routine, routine, you need some excitement, right?

00:09:00.240 Okay.

00:09:01.240 How about business?

00:09:02.240 It's doing great.

00:09:03.240 How about money?

00:09:04.240 Best ever.

00:09:05.240 How are you doing physically?

00:09:06.240 Healthiest I've ever been.

00:09:07.240 It makes you happy.

00:09:08.240 It's very weird.

00:09:09.240 I'm not a drinker.

00:09:10.240 But the only time I've been happy lately is the fact when I go away and I have a drink,

00:09:14.200 and I'm scared because drinking is making me happy.

00:09:16.920 I said, what are you escaping?

00:09:17.920 And he starts kind of talking to me.

00:09:19.920 I said, well, you know, I'm growing at a 30% rate, but there's a lot of people that are

00:09:23.360 growing at a 100% rate.

00:09:24.360 And he's going through all this other stuff.

00:09:26.360 I said, why are you letting the world make you feel guilty, buddy?

00:09:29.600 I said, look, you know, there are certain things you can never do.

00:09:34.600 What do you mean by that?

00:09:35.600 I said, look, Trump became a president and he beat Bloomberg.

00:09:41.160 Bloomberg wanted to be a president, never became a president.

00:09:44.280 But Bloomberg built a massive media company that's worth $70 billion.

00:09:48.280 Trump's only $2.5 billion.

00:09:50.400 Trump won in this game.

00:09:52.320 Bloomberg won in the media game.

00:09:54.680 Bloomberg won in a business game.

00:09:56.620 You go back to a different level.

00:09:58.000 Bloomberg won in media game.

00:10:00.160 Elon Musk is winning in the wealth game.

00:10:03.120 Look at where Elon Musk is at right now.

00:10:04.980 And that's a race.

00:10:05.980 There's competition.

00:10:06.980 It's fun.

00:10:07.980 But the moment you get into too much comparison that turns into envy, you have to really come

00:10:10.800 back, right?

00:10:12.320 So sleep, guilt.

00:10:14.040 Here's how much you should sleep.

00:10:16.420 Should.

00:10:17.320 You don't know what I'm in the hunt for.

00:10:20.000 I'm in a run.

00:10:22.220 You're working too hard.

00:10:23.720 This is not good.

00:10:24.720 Guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt.

00:10:27.120 Should and guilt combined together is catastrophic combination.

00:10:33.060 Should and guilt.

00:10:34.380 Should and guilt.

00:10:35.380 You should.

00:10:36.380 Guilt, guilt, guilt.

00:10:37.760 You should.

00:10:38.760 Guilt, guilt, guilt.

00:10:39.880 You know what eventually happens?

00:10:42.340 You can't enjoy your life.

00:10:43.720 So here's what I said.

00:10:44.720 Look, my expectation in life isn't perfection.

00:10:49.660 I'm not trying to perfect life.

00:10:50.980 I'm never going to perfect life.

00:10:52.980 My expectation isn't to be perfect for my mom and dad.

00:10:56.360 It's never going to happen.

00:10:57.480 Not for anybody.

00:10:58.480 It's never going to happen.

00:10:59.480 However, I'm going to give you the flip side.

00:11:02.140 My standard is to come through for the people I love the most.

00:11:04.820 My standard is to lead.

00:11:06.360 My standard is to improve.

00:11:07.560 My standard is to get better.

00:11:09.280 But I have to also enjoy my life.

00:11:10.760 The other night I was sleeping with my son, and my middle son is just such a sweetheart

00:11:15.320 of a guy.

00:11:16.820 And it's me, him, and my oldest son, who I love when we get into conversations, one of

00:11:20.980 my favorite people to talk to, my oldest son, my youngest son.

00:11:23.700 I just love talking to these guys, right?

00:11:27.480 And my younger son says, hey, daddy, we're off tomorrow.

00:11:31.520 I'm like, really?

00:11:32.520 Yeah.

00:11:33.520 He says, aren't you the boss?

00:11:34.520 I said, what do you mean?

00:11:35.520 You're the CEO, aren't you?

00:11:37.520 I said, yeah.

00:11:38.520 Why don't you take tomorrow off and come and spend time with us, daddy?

00:11:41.520 I'm like, huh, is that guilt?

00:11:44.040 He never puts that guilt thing on me.

00:11:45.700 I'm like, you never do that?

00:11:46.700 He's not putting the guilt thing on me.

00:11:48.200 I'm like, you know what?

00:11:49.700 I rarely do this.

00:11:50.700 I said, okay.

00:11:51.700 I said, buddy, I can't do that because I've got conference calls, board, all these other

00:11:54.560 things that I have to do.

00:11:55.780 But let me see what I can do.

00:11:56.780 So I go to work all night.

00:11:58.160 I'm thinking about his comments to me.

00:12:01.040 So I come to work.

00:12:02.040 I do my thing.

00:12:03.040 I tell everybody, after 3.30, I've got to leave.

00:12:05.140 I finish it up at 3.30.

00:12:06.380 I leave.

00:12:07.380 I go pick them up.

00:12:08.380 I surprise them.

00:12:09.380 I say, go put your swimsuit on.

00:12:10.380 They put their swimsuit on.

00:12:11.380 We go straight to the park.

00:12:12.380 They run around, zipline, all this stuff.

00:12:13.380 They meet all these other kids that are playing with them.

00:12:15.180 30 minutes later, we went to the beach.

00:12:16.660 I'm on my swimsuit.

00:12:18.380 We're running around in the beach.

00:12:19.580 I'm making a sandcastle with my daughter.

00:12:21.660 She's all over the place. 1.00

00:12:22.660 Daddy, I've got sand on me.

00:12:24.400 This is disgusting, Daddy.

00:12:26.060 I don't like sand on my hands.

00:12:27.900 Daddy, please, hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me.

00:12:32.160 She doesn't say, hold me.

00:12:33.160 She says, hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me.

00:12:34.920 I'm like, bro, bro, bro, bro.

00:12:37.040 She had to pick her up.

00:12:38.040 We go in the water.

00:12:39.060 She gets her hands. 0.99

00:12:39.900 Go, no, no, it's too, Daddy, water's too cold.

00:12:41.700 She's just climbing on top of me. 0.99

00:12:43.080 And we're wrestling.

00:12:43.780 We're having a good time.

00:12:44.780 It's all over me.

00:12:48.100 We're a mess.

00:12:49.340 We get in the truck.

00:12:50.660 We come back to the house.

00:12:51.740 Everybody's wet.

00:12:52.740 The truck is a mess.

00:12:54.340 Bring her back. 0.91

00:12:55.340 Took two hours.

00:12:56.340 Had a freaking incredible time with these guys.

00:12:59.240 Magical time with these guys.

00:13:01.120 Come home.

00:13:02.120 Shower with them.

00:13:03.540 They put their clothes on.

00:13:04.540 Dylan went to a soccer practice.

00:13:06.080 And I went to Miami to have a meeting at Soho House with the Mayor Suarez of Miami and a bunch

00:13:11.120 of influencers, top 50 influencers in tech and crypto and all this stuff in Miami to have

00:13:15.180 a meeting with them.

00:13:17.120 But I didn't do it because I felt guilty.

00:13:19.140 I did it because I wanted to do it.

00:13:20.560 It's like I'm going to go spend time with these guys.

00:13:23.080 I chose to be an entrepreneur to create a business where I have the kind of wealth that

00:13:25.880 I have in control that I have so I can do some of these things at times.

00:13:29.020 But often too many times people use that as an excuse of every day.

00:13:32.060 I'm working too hard.

00:13:33.060 I need to sleep.

00:13:34.060 I'm not talking to the excuse makers.

00:13:36.020 There's millions of, the majority of the world is just looking for an excuse to sleep

00:13:38.800 more and work less.

00:13:40.320 The majority, this is not that message for you.

00:13:43.120 This message is for the person that's watching and saying, Pat, I'm going to frickin' hunt.

00:13:47.680 Do not let the shoulds of the world and the guilts of the world confuse you of chasing

00:13:52.800 your dreams.

00:13:54.440 And don't get caught up comparing yourself to everybody.

00:13:58.220 Because once envy goes in, you will not enjoy the process.

00:14:01.760 Work like you've never worked before.

00:14:03.180 Improve.

00:14:04.180 Stay curious.

00:14:05.180 Stay hungry.

00:14:06.180 Keep coming up with new strategies, all that other stuff.

00:14:07.240 But still figure out a way to enjoy your time with your family.

00:14:09.860 Have a blast.

00:14:11.220 Get the massage if you need to.

00:14:12.420 Get the foot massage.

00:14:13.800 Go do the exercise.

00:14:14.800 All of that stuff.

00:14:15.800 And by the way, you can do all that crazy stuff together as well.

00:14:18.480 So now, I told you it wasn't going to be easy.

00:14:20.660 I hope I've made my point to you of combining sleep, the shoulds, and guilt, the here's what

00:14:27.340 you ought to be.

00:14:28.540 You're not being good enough of a parent.

00:14:30.060 All of these other things that you're doing, hopefully those two make sense to you.

00:14:34.900 So if I've made sense to you, there's a video I want to recommend to you.

00:14:36.740 It's a talk I gave.

00:14:38.660 I don't even know what the timeline is.

00:14:40.020 Maybe six years ago, seven years ago.

00:14:41.340 I was on an RV.

00:14:42.340 I bought an RV.

00:14:43.680 I went 10,000 miles from LA to Miami to Toronto to San Francisco, back to LA.

00:14:49.840 And I gave this talk.

00:14:50.840 And one of the parts, like 25 minutes, called The DNA of an Entrepreneur.

00:14:54.300 If you've never watched it, it's going to give you a lot of clarity of what I talked

00:14:57.780 about in today's video.

00:14:58.780 Click over to watch that.

00:14:59.780 With that being said, have a great week, everybody.

00:15:01.680 Take care.

00:15:02.680 Bye-bye.

Valuetainment - April 12, 2021

Why Are So Many People Unhappy？

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript